#but walkers a straightforward dude so

[elainemorisi]

I can't believe, 2/2 thus far on the only even kind of good filmed scifi being "schlocky muscle dudes from the 90s"

[deancasbigbang]

Title: Soda Fountain Pharmacy

Author: stayawake

Artist: girlinthemirrorbluenight

Rating: Teen

Pairings: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Past Mary Winchester/John Winchester, Past Dean Winchester/Carmen, Dean Winchester/Lisa Braeden, mentioned Charlie Bradbury/Gilda, Sam Winchester/Sarah Blake, Sam Winchester/Madison, Past Dean Winchester/Lydia, Past Castiel/April Kelly, mentioned Dean/Others, Castiel/Balthazar, mentioned Castiel/Others, Past Chuck Shurley/Naomi, Past Dean/Robin, Gabriel/Original Female Character, Past Gabriel/Kali, Victor/Original Female Character, Past Jo Harvelle/Aaron Bass, mentioned Jo Harvelle/Gordon Walker, mentioned Meg/Nick, mentioned past Dean/others, mentioned past Cas/others

Length: 92000

Warnings: Underage Kissing, Underage Drinking

Tags: Alternate Universe - 90’s, High School/Teenage AU, Coming of Age, Situationship, Underage Drinking, Grief, Jealousy, Found Family, First Love

Posting Date: October 5, 2023

Summary: Cas is fifteen. He has nothing except a dead mom, a drunk dad, a new-old hometown where he doesn’t quite fit, and a part-time job at the Winchester Family Pharmacy.

Excerpt: Over the course of four hours, Cas serves up two more milkshakes, a root beer float, and a handful of freshly mixed sodas. He also makes just under three dollars in tips. Mary shows up toward the end of his shift. She doesn’t even drop off her stuff first, just immediately walks up to Cas at the counter, takes a seat, and asks how his first day went. “It was good,” Cas says. He glances over Mary’s shoulder and watches as Dean rings up a customer. “Informative.” “Pretty straightforward, right?” “Yes,” Cas nods, full of conviction. He takes it seriously. This is a place of business after all. Mary smiles at him. “And Dean didn’t give you any trouble?” Cas shakes his head just as quickly and averts his eyes. “He was very helpful.” And just like that, Dean’s standing in front of him. “Course I was. I should be the mascot for all family-owned drug stores.” Mary gives him a look and Dean drops the act, somewhat. “Kid did great. He’ll be running the place by the end of the summer.” Mary looks back at him, proud, and it almost takes Cas out to have someone look at him with that much pride. Even at her best, his mom never looked at him like that. “Let me grab you a uniform,” Mary says. “We keep some extras in the back.” He watches her head into the backroom and looks back at Dean. “By the way, tips are usually shared among the staff,” Dean says. “For future reference.” “Oh,” Cas says, immediately reaching into his pocket to pull out the cash. Dean shakes his head. “Keep it, dude. It’s barely anything. Besides, you did all the work.” “Are you sure?” “Positive.” Cas nods, depositing the cash back in his pocket. He stands there another second wondering if he should say anything, or if he can get away with signing out and then leaving. He wonders what Dean will get up to for the rest of the day. He spent most of his down time during their shift studying. Cas wonders if he was getting his studying out of the way now in case he has plans later. “Hey,” Dean says, grabbing his attention back. “Don’t be offended if I ignore you at school.” “Oh,” Cas says. He shrinks in on himself. Sometimes he feels so young. “Yeah.” Dean shrugs like it’s no big deal. Maybe it isn’t, to him. To Cas, it feels like someone stomped on his heart. “See you around, kid.” Cas watches him leave, like he didn’t leave something shattered in his wake.

DCBB 2023 Posting Schedule

[frightnightindustries]

Waterfall (Tribe of Rushing Water)

This was tough. I'm sure you know the problems with the Tribe, if you don't, look it up. It's easy to find. For the rewrite, I'm using Waterfall to show a contrast, to say "Actually, RELIGION SOMETIMES GOOD"

I like one word names, and so I went with Waterfall for the rewrite name.

Waterfall stays around the same area, and was started after cats began to help each other. Sympathy for the old, the weak, and the young bound together the early members of Waterfall. An old cat born without a leg would teach a younger cat with the same disability how to climb the fastest, while two other cats watched the sky for danger. Abandoned kits would now have somebody to cling too at night, instead of sobbing alone and scared.

In Waterfall, you catch prey for yourself, then turn to the others, devoting your free time to helping the ones who need it. It's held together by common decency.

And then, the Endless Walkers (Tribe of Endless Hunting) appeared in dreams, in their own mountain afterlife (related to Limbo but I need to flesh that out). They appeared to Tech, Bunchy, and Hemlock, three former kittypets who joined Waterfall, and guided them along the way to properly form Waterfall into a society. The kittypets, along with a few other cats, formed a council for Waterfall, making decisions and basically doing cat democracy.

Unlike StarClan, the Endless Walkers are straightforward, telling cats what they need to do for the best outcome. They will not let their descendants suffer needlessly in anxiety and stress.

The queens name their kits in similar ways to the canonical Tribe, but it's one worded names, and it's after the first thing they think of. For example, if Brook looks into the eyes of her kits and thinks of a leaping wildfire, she may name them something along those lines, such as Wildfire, Grace, or Danger.

Speaking of Brook, I'm going to give her, Stormfur, and Feathertail their own separate posts, but Feathertail dies in a similar way, the traveling cats stay a little longer at Waterfall then in the canon tribe, resulting in Brook expecting Stormfur's kits, portrayed similar to an accidental pregnancy between two eighteen year olds, and not as a sort of 'white dude falls in love with native girl' thing.

By the time they're about to leave, Brook is all that Stormfur has left. Silverstream is dead, Feathertail is dead, Stonefur is dead, Crookedstar is dead, and for all he knew Greystripe is dead as well. Add that to kits, and somebody he actually loves and somebody who actually loves him, and it's not surprising he chose to stay. Waterfall is great at supporting parents, and even if he didn't want to raise the kits, plenty of cats would take them in there. Stormfur also had fears of history repeating itself, and his kits being considered 'half-clan', so add trauma too.

Waterfall and the clans help each other, for the often complained about "tribe gets borders' storyline, it's really just Waterfall wanting better battle tactics to get some rouges to stop attacking their cats, and in return they introduce psychology to the medicine cats, with coping skills, herbs, and diagnoses to help out a cat with something like ADHD, anxiety, autism, or depression, etc. And that's very helpful for both sides, as Waterfall needs the fighting skills, and life is made extremely better for the clans.

[roninkairi]

Quick Review- "The Super Mario Bros. Movie" (SPOILERS ALERT)

Anyone who knows me already knows how much of a Mario fan I am. Hell, my family could probably tell you some wild tales about my Super Mario Bros. addiction during my grade school days. But even the announcement in 2018 that Nintendo was going forward with Illumination to make an animated feature length film based on their flagship franchise made me more that a little overly cautious; after all their previous effort (the live action 1993 film) did not exactly do them ay favors either (and while were at it, the TV shows, while memorable, still leave much to be desired). This also is not the first time that the Mario Bros. would be in an animated film (Back in 1986, there was an anime called “The Great Mission To Rescue Princess Peach!”, which never got a US release. Doug Walker actually reviewed it so if you want you can look it up)

Fast forward to now. The movie has now made about $600 million at the time of this review and has yet to be released in Japan. I have a feeling though that after it is released it will make a lot more. And I’m not just saying that because I’ve personally seen this movie twice. That’s something I very rarely do as far as my movie theater habits go  and if I do that its most assuredly a sign the movie in question is worth my time.

“The Super Mario Bros. Movie” serves as an origin story for the two Brooklyn born plumbers, the plot being straightforward and simple much like the mainline Mario games: the two siblings somehow find themselves whisked away into another parallel dimension and get separated, with Luigi ending up in the Dark Lands and Mario landing in the Mushroom Kingdom. Mario enlists the aid of Princess Peach and, along with Toad, sets off to save Luigi from Bowser, the king of the Koopa tribe, who just acquired the Super Star. The group journey to the Jungle to enlist the aid of the Kong Army, led by Cranky Kong and his son, Donkey Kong.

As I mentioned before, the plot is pretty straightforward and to the point: at 92 minutes there is quite a bit going on and it comes at you fast. Not too much time is spent on character development for certain individual members like Luigi and DK. We get a revelation about Peach’s backstory (not being from the Mushroom Kingdom is certainly an eye raising reveal) and hints about the relationship between DK and his dad, but its not really a focus. You get the sense that Nintendo wanted to play it safe with the story, but at the same time you want just a little bit more. Thankfully the story is enjoyable as it is, and has enough humor, action and equally touching moments to sustain itself. A lot has been said about the choices for casting in the film and for me, while the choice of Chris Pratt was very questionable when I first heard about it I was glad I took a wait and see stance to it. He did quite a good job in the role and so did Jack Black as Bowser in all of his evil, kinda hammy. Scene chewing role. Of course, his demeanor changing whenever the subject of Princess Peach being brought up is also VERY notable. I mean dude practically sung a love ballad about her (TWICE) and stole the damn Super Star just to try to impress Peach. I can understand that though, given how she is in the movie. Princess Peach, voiced by Anya-Taylor Joy, serves as Mario’s guide and possible love interest in the movie and instead of being the person who has to be saved for most of the adventure, is the more action oriented and confident character accompanying Mario. If the prospects of Peach jump kicking Bowser, using power ups and generally willing to throw down with a gang of Koopas at a wedding reception seem to be alien to you or out of character, I will assume you have never played Super Mario Bros. 2…

…or Super Mario RPG…

…or Super Paper Mario…

…or any Mario Party games…

…or Mario Strikers…

…or Super Smash Bros…

…or the Mario + Rabbids games.

You’re lucky I didn’t even mention the stuff she did in the Super Mario Adventures manga! Anyway the point is, she is pretty darn awesome in this film. Fred Armisen’s take on Cranky is…well…ok why does he sound like Larry David? I half expected to hear "Frolic" by Luciano Michelini play when he got caught oy the Para Koopas on Rainbow Road.

Visually, the movie is animated very well and does a great job of animating the worlds in great detail, including familiar locations from across the games that you may immediately recognize. There are also TONS of audio and visual easter eggs and references not just from Mario history, but Nintendo history as well. (Quick show of hands, who found the Wave Race reference? The Hidden N64 Controller? Who found Mr. Game and Watch or recognized Disk Kun) The movie happily, and with no shame, throws in all of these nods to Nintendo’s past and I have no issue trying to find them all. Which says a LOT about my attention span. There are 4 different licensed songs used in the movie though but their inclusion doesn’t really detract from the enjoyment. (Ok 5 songs. One of them is directly tied to Chris Pratt and another certain movie series he is involved with.)

The movie is not exactly perfect and that’s ok. I was not expecting a huge scale thought provoking movie that makes me question the motivations of humanity (I’ll save that for whatever DC movie comes out next) I just wanted a fun adventure anyone and everyone can enjoy. And this movie certainly delivers on that.

[mysecretlittlelibrary]

To Love Who Wears The Crown Pt. 6

Pairing: Modern Royals: King!Bucky x Reader

Word Count: 2.4k

Warnings: reader is kidnapped and blackmailed but nothing really happens other than threatening and

Genre: half angst kinda comedy

Summary: You meet the king of Andia by chance when he hosts a ball and he's immediately taken with you, enough to invite you to spend your summer at the palace with him while he formally courts you. Although he's everything you could dream of from the moment you arrive, nothing is ever straightforward in the world of powerful people. Who would have thought that when you tripped over his feet at a dance you'd eventually have to find out what it means to love a king.

***

You let out a groan as you slowly come to. A slight throbbing in your head makes you hiss.

"Oh good, you're awake. Was starting to think they'd messed up somewhere." A voice says making you finally open your eyes. You glance around trying to figure out where you are. The room you're in is large with a dark brown and grey color scheme. It's unfamiliar to you but it's clearly a throne room if the large seats that are elevated in front of you are any indication. The man sitting in one of them leans casually to one side. "I'd like to welcome you to Weldon."

"Welcome me to- wait, I'm in Weldon?" You frown.

"Yes, and regarding the way you were brought here, there's really no gentle way to handle something like that I suppose. Are you injured by the way? I can't have you return to King James in poor condition."

"Other than a headache I don't think I am but what the hell is going on?" You reach up to touch your temple. It's then that you realize that you're not tied to the chair you're in but there are guards very close to you and at each entrance to the room.

"Oh- I forgot to introduce myself. I am King Helmut Zemo. Normally I wouldn't handle this so personally but you- are more valuable than normal situations account for." The man says.

"So glad you are personally handling the matter of my kidnapping." You scoff.

"Come now, there's no reason to be curt."

"Maybe this is unheard of to you but being taken by force from my bedroom in the middle of the day isn't something that puts me in a particularly good mood." You roll your eyes.

"As long as you cooperate dear no harm will come to you."

"If you think King James is going to start a war over me or that this is going to force him into some sort of malevolent negotiation with you, you are wasting your time you know."

"War? No, don't be ridiculous. War wouldn't be valuable for what I want."

"Well, you aren't going to get it through me." You scoff.

"Are you even going to ask what it is?" He muses.

"No. I'm not." You huff.

"You're stuck here regardless dear, you might as well play along."

"If you're going to do an evil bad guy speech just do it already." You roll your eyes.

"Next time I bring you here we'll give you a script so a conversation like this goes correctly."

"Dude, why am I here?" You cross your arms. His cartoonish confidence is quickly getting old.

"I'm glad you asked. I have it on good authority that King James is quite fond of you, protective even."

"On whose fucking authority? Was it that creep Walker? Oh my gosh, the king didn't let him objectify me at dinner he's really setting the bar high." You quip sarcastically.

"Walker? As in John Walker? What are you talking about? What does he have to do with anything?"

"Nevermind. If you aren't using me as a bargaining chip what do you want from me?"

"I learned that your King James intends to have a ball of sorts soon. Since you are so close to him, at this ball you're going to poison him."

"That's treason. So help me understand on what planet you think I would willingly commit regicide for you?! Especially against my own king!" You stand angrily.

"Well, I thought the life of your dear friend was worth something to you. Perhaps I was wrong." He shrugs.

"What?" You blink at him.

"Guards!" King Zemo yells to no one in particular. You frown in confusion as you hear faint struggling from somewhere.

"Let go of me you fucking losers! I swear I will kick-"

"Monica!" You gasp running over to her as she's being carried in by guards each holding one of her arms.

"Y/n!" She stops struggling to look at you.

"Oh my god, Monica, what happened?"

"Some goons showed up at my house the other day and brought me here. What the hell are you doing here?"

"Same thing happened to me, except, I think it happened yesterday for me. Are you hurt?" You look over her face.

"Nothing unmanageable." She shakes her head.

"I thought this might serve as motivation." Zemo interrupts your conversation.

"Let her go you fuckhead." You glare at him.

"You'll have to decide whose life is worth more to you dear." He muses.

"Whatever he's asking you to do y/n don't do it." Monica says.

"He's asked me to kill the king Mon." You whisper.

"You can't! You'd be killed for that." She says quietly.

"I know but I don't think I have a choice Monica it's you or him."

"Y/n he's the king."

"And you're my closest friend, I can't pick a man I met six months ago over you."

"It's not just about him or me y/n your life is also at risk here. You can't do this."

"I don't know how I'll live with myself without you Mon. I can't let you die here."

"And you can't sacrifice the king for me."

"Rock and a hard place." You mutter.

"Y/n you can't kill the king it's a death sentence."

"I'll figure something out Mon." You say.

"Y/n you have to be careful."

"Aren't I always?" You wink at her. You walk back over to Zemo. "Alright. I'll do it." You sigh.

"Good girl." Zemo nods to a guard that hands you an unmarked bottle.

"But! someone has to call me, a video call every day, and put Monica on the phone." You say.

"You're not really in a position to be making demands." Zemo snorts.

"That ball you're talking about isn't for another week at least. If you will not let Monica return home with me now, I need proof that she stays alive and unharmed while she's here. I cannot take your word for it I don't trust you. I need to see it for myself." You say.

"Fine. I suppose that can be arranged." The king gestures a guard over to him and they exchange some words before the guard walks over to you and hands you a device. "You keep this out of sight of those pesky Andonians and we'll use this to call you and show you your friend."

"It'll have to be at night. After the king and I have dinner. No one will disturb me after that. Like nine o'clock."

"You are very demanding." He scoffs.

"You're asking me to commit treason in my home. Do not talk to me about demanding." You retort.

"Whatever. The guards by your chair will escort you as far as the border but from there you're on your own. If the king caught my men with you he'd have them killed and dead men are of no use to me. I'm sure you can understand."

"Now?"

"Yes. Our business is done and honestly having you here for days was more than long enough." He waves a hand dismissively. You roll your eyes but walk over to Monica without responding to him.

"Y/n please, don't do it." Monica frowns.

"I'll see you soon okay?" You tell her softly, kissing your friend's cheek before turning to the guards assigned to return you. You follow them out of the palace and to the stables where they grab two horses. "Horses? Do people here not drive?" You ask.

"We drive it's just the terrain between here and Andia doesn't fair well for most cars and a military vehicle would draw too much attention." One of the guards says helping you onto one of the horses. He gets on behind you while the other guard gets on the other horse.

"Do I not get my own horse?" You scoff.

"Can't have you running off." Guard two says.

"You're taking me home- where would I run off to?"

"With one of our horses I mean." Guard two rolls his eyes.

"Whatever." You roll your eyes. Your journey across Weldon is expectedly quiet. As if you'd have anything to say to the guards of the man who kidnapped you and is now trying to force you to kill Bucky. Instead, you spend the couple of hours from the castle to the border milling over what your next steps will be once you return to the palace. You've got to come up with a way out of this that doesn't result in losing your best friend or the man you care about.

"Oy- we're at the border." Eventually, the guard behind you shoves at your shoulder to get your attention.

"Am I supposed to get off of the horse with you still on it behind me?" You shoot him a look.

"You are way more trouble than you're worth." He huffs climbing off of the horse and holding an arm up to you. His other hand is holding the reins of the animal and you shift as if to take his hand but hesitate. In a moment of sheer impulsivity, you twist your foot up at his jaw and land a kick with all the power you can manage from the awkward angle. It's enough to get him to release the reins and you grab them without a second thought taking off into Andia before you lose your nerve. You chance a look behind you to see the second guard had descended his horse to converse with the first but upon seeing you take off gets back onto his horse to chase after you. Based on the sky you'd guess it's after lunchtime, maybe around three. All you have to do is make it far enough to find some guards on patrol. You'll either lose the Weldon guard before then or he'll run off when he sees he's outnumbered. It doesn't take you long to find a small crew of soldiers likely finishing up their patrols. Since they're on foot, for some reason, you catch up to them quickly and though they draw weapons a quick shout lets them know you're no enemy. You practically jump off of the horse once you're close enough to them.

"Y/n?!" You're surprised to see a familiar face amongst the patrol group.

"Sammy! God, it's so good to see you. What are you doing out here?" You throw your arms around him.

"Me? You're the one that's been missing for almost three days missy. Where the hell have you been?!" He scoffs.

"Three days?! It's been three days?!" You blink at him.

"Yeah, it's been three days. What's going on?" He frowns.

"There was a Weldon guard chasing me. I think I lost him but I'm not sur-" Sam pulls you behind him and the rest of the soldiers essentially form a wall between you and the Weldonian who, apparently you did not in fact lose.

"Take him down, but don't kill him. The king will certainly want him back alive." Sam orders and the soldiers charge towards him. "You, we have to get back to the palace. Bucky has been out of his fucking mind worrying about you. What the hell happened?" Sam helps you back onto your stolen horse.

"I was kidnapped." You say quietly.

"Holy hell- were you hurt?" Sam frowns.

"Not physically no. I'm just a little spooked I guess." You shrug.

"My car is parked in a town about ten minutes from here, I'll take you back to the palace and we'll go from there. Sound good?" Sam asks gently.

"Yeah- yeah that sounds good." You nod.

"Where did the horse come from by the way?"

"I stole it- that's why that Weldon guard was chasing me." You mutter.

"You are something else." Sam says with a chuckle. You let out a short hum without responding. Sam leads your horse back to where his car is and helps you down and into the vehicle. You can't bring yourself to chat much during the drive to the palace and Sam, though concerned, respects your desire for silence. When Sam pulls up to the palace, your eyes are closed so he gets out and opens your side for you before waking you up.

"Y/n, babes, we're here." He says gently, tapping your arm. You open your eyes and let him help you out of the car.

"Lady y/n?!" One of the guards' eyes get so big you think they might pop out as you and Sam approach the palace entrance.

"Where's the king?" Sam asks.

"H-he's in his-"

"Y/n." Bucky's voice cuts off the guard's answer as he rushes towards you.

"Bucky." Your call is much quieter than his but you know he hears you as he sweeps you into his arms as soon as you're within reach.

"You're alive." He says with a relieved sigh, holding you to him.

"I am." You whisper back.

"Dude how did you know to be here?" Sam scoffs.

"One of the soldiers you were with called saying they were on their way with a Weldonian and that you had left ahead of them with y/n." Bucky says.

"Of course they did." Sam muses. Bucky steps back enough to look you over carefully.

"Are you hurt doll? What happened? Where have you been?"

"Buck- don't overwhelm her with a million questions at once." Sam says. Bucky shoots Sam a look but clearly internalizes that he's right.

"Are you hurt y/n?" Bucky asks, concern etched deep into his expression.

"No- not really." You shake your head.

"What happened?"

"I was kidnapped." You mutter quietly. No matter how many times you say it, it doesn't feel real.

"By who? How did this happen? I'll kill-"

"Your majesty." Sam snips again.

"I- I can't do this right now." You whisper.

"You don't have to. I'm sorry for asking so much so soon it's just, I was so worried about you. I thought I'd never see you again." Bucky says wrapping his arms around you again.

"I understand. I'll tell you about it later I just, I'd like to shower and change right now." You say.

"Of course. I'll walk you to your room." Bucky says keeping his arm around your waist as he walks you into the palace. "I'll wait here for you to finish. Shout if you need anything." He says when you reach your room.

"James I can manage a shower by myself." You give him a confused look.

"I know I just, I can't bare to let you out of my sight any more than I have to right now. I hardly want to leave you to shower alone. I fear you'll disappear again." Bucky strokes your cheek gently as he speaks. You cover your hand with his and turn your head slightly, placing a kiss in his palm.

"Alright. You can wait here. I'll be back shortly." You tell him softly. He nods and with that, you enter your room. You unfold the small vial from Zemo from your clothes and hide it, along with the communication device they gave you, in your trunk before going to shower. You take your time washing yourself, trying to let the hot water soothe you as if enough scrubbing will erase the traces of what's happened. At the very least, you're thrilled to feel safe again, even if you have a million problems to solve and no idea where to start.

***

Part 6/???

Tagged Users: @calwitch

[kippentrash]

Walker

He was done DIRTY

do I like them: Yes I love my good boyo

5 good qualities: he’s level headed, he just wants everyone to be happy, he’s respectful, he’s SMOOTH ASF, he has amazing style

3 bad qualities: shows up unannounced, disappeared without a trace, not the best at reading the room

favourite episode/etc: A Walker to Remeber (s2e17)

otp: wandi

brotp: wonah

ot3: walker, libby, andi (ARTSYYY)

notp: uhh idk wamber ig

best quote: “Oh! Great! Now I know exactly how to feel about seeing her in a boat with Andi.”

head canon: he winds up at the same highschool as the ghc and co. and winds up as part of their group naturally

Send me a character ask!

[thinkingaboutyoungroyals]

Lost Boy (Chapter 4: The Past)

Summary: When his family moves from San Francisco to the town of Shadyside, T.J. thought his life would change. And it did. He just didn’t think it would come in the form of the ghost of a boy who haunted his new bedroom.

Prologue

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3

Tag list: @delicatesleeper,@ibroughtachallah,@frenchtohste,@alittletooliteralleah,@tyrusmagocious,@tjskipping, @mirrorslover, @opatrickr, @lesbianrelateddeath, @mirrorslover,@opatrickr, @justkimberley, @burning-hot-pan, @green-lemonboys, @anotherangelfromspace, @thebisexualweirdo,@likelightning-inabottle, @thedampjofangirl, @fizasdr, @awkward-bisexual-alien, @whipashwhipash

............

David Bowie’s “Changes” was playing loudly from the speakers. The Red Rooster wasn’t quite as crowded since it was a weekday, just a couple of adults examining the instruments and a few kids browsing through the stuff or playing with the instruments.

Bobbing his head along to the music, T.J. flipped through the records nonchalantly. On the opposite side of the rack, Andi was prattling on and on about Art Club and all her ideas to contribute. T.J. had to smile at her enthusiasm – the girl had a way of easing his tension.

Cyrus was right about her – she was a sweet one.

“So, how’s adjusting to Shadyside life?” she randomly asked. “Have you fully embraced our little town?”

T.J. hummed. “A small town has pros and cons.”

“What’s a pro?”

“Everyone knows everyone so we’ve had a new visitor almost everyday, welcoming us to the neighborhood and bringing food. Mom has taken a break from cooking.”

“That sounds nice! And a con?”

T.J. made a face. “Everyone knows everyone.”

Andi laughed, shaking her head. “You get used to it. I’ve lived here my whole life.”

She didn’t realize it but it was the opening T.J. needed. “So…you’ve probably grown up with almost everyone at Grant, then?”

“Pretty much.”

“So…who else do you hang out with? Aside from Libby and Walker.”

Libby and Walker were Andi’s art club friends – she introduced them to T.J. a few days ago. Libby was deaf but, like Andi, she could make headbands, jewelry, and clothing out of anything she could get her hands on. Meanwhile, Walker was a happy-go-lucky painter and caricaturist.

The three of them together were a walking art machine. So, it made T.J. wonder where Buffy and Cyrus fell in before the latter passed away.

“Jonah Beck and I hang out sometimes,” she casually stated.

T.J. knew him – he was in his English class. He was a pretty dude, but not really T.J.’s type.

“And…” she trailed off, her earlier beaming smile turning sad.

“And?” T.J. prodded, hoping he wasn’t being too annoying.

Andi cleared her throat. “And there’s my best friend Buffy.” She didn’t mention Cyrus, at all. “But we haven’t really hung out in a while. She’s been busy pursuing other things and so have I.”

“Oh, okay.” T.J. racked his brains for something else to say. “Oh yeah, tomorrow is basketball tryouts. Honestly, I’m kinda nervous.”

Andi flashed him an encouraging smile. “I’m sure you’ll do great!”

“Uh… do you want to come and watch? For moral support? I could use it.”

Sure, he could always ask Amber but he needed Andi there. It was important.

Without missing a beat, Andi nodded. “Sure! I’ll be there!”

“Great! Thanks, Andi. That means a lot.”

“Anytime!” She looked down and grinned. Pulling out a Cyndi Lauper record, she covered her face with it. “Do I look like a girl who just wants to have fun?”

T.J. laughed. “Totally.”

…….

T.J. felt him before he heard him.

“Hey, Sixth Sense.”

Chuckling as he looked up from his homework. “I think you’re running out of nicknames, Ghost Boy.”

Cyrus beamed from where he sat, perched on T.J.’s desk, as always. Thus, the latter had chosen to do his homework on his bed, instead.

“So, how was your day?” the ghost asked.

“Pretty good. I hung out with your friend Andi after school. She’s fun.”

“Told ya!”

He answered the last question on his History homework before shutting his notebook and textbook and moving them to the side. He locked gazes with Cyrus.

“Where do you go when you’re not here?” T.J. asked, curiously.

“Oh. Just around.”

A simple and straightforward answer. But, it still left a lot of questions.

T.J. raised an eyebrow. “We’ve been living together for pretty much two weeks now. You can drop the whole mysterious act.”

“Maybe I wanna keep on being mysterious,” Cyrus replied, looking smug.

T.J. opened his mouth to answer but a knock on his door interrupted.

“It’s open!” he called out.

The door cracked a smidge and Amber poked her pretty blonde head in. 

“Are you talking to someone in here?” she asked, eyebrow raised.

T.J. flashed a look at where Cyrus was before meeting his sister’s eyes.

She turned pale. “Oh.”

Even though he had already explained to her that Cyrus was a good ghost and had no intention of hurting her, she still wasn’t fond of the idea of there being a ghost in their house, at all. She rarely ever went to T.J.’s room because of this.

“Well… uh… Mom will probably be home soon and if she hears you talking to yourself, she’ll think you’ve gone nuts.”

T.J. hummed. “Pretty sure we’re past that.”

“T.J.,” Amber seethed. “She thought you were doing drugs when she saw you talking to yourself last year!”

“And I told her I’m clean now.”

“You never did drugs to begin with!”

T.J. spared a look in Cyrus’ direction just to see his eyes wide in rapt attention.

Great. He was definitely going to get questions now. Maybe he could distract him. The boy was easily distracted by one thing or another. He was probably the type who never held grudges when he was alive.

“Look, the walls here are not paper thin like the apartment,” T.J. explained. “So, there’s no way she’ll hear. And her room is on the other side of the house. I’ll be fine. And I’m careful.”

Amber still didn’t look convinced but nonetheless, she nodded. Taking one last nervous look around the room, she swallowed.

“Okay, I’m gonna go back to my room. And… make sure it doesn’t follow me?”

Cyrus laughed and shook his head. “Tell her I have no intention of doing so. I’m a gentleman.”

T.J.’s lips twitched. “He won’t follow you. Don’t worry.”

Amber nodded again before quickly pulling her head back and closing the door.

“Your sister is very… paranoid,” Cyrus stated.

T.J. sighed. “She doesn’t have the best experience with ghosts.”

Cyrus nodded, sympathetically. “That bad, huh?”

“Yeah…”

“Do you mind me asking what happened?”

He was about to say “no” but paused, considering the idea.

No one else knew about the story – only him and Amber. He knew she still had nightmares about it. That memory would even make its way into his dreams and he would wake up sweating with his heart thumping so hard that it hurt. Always – for a brief moment – he would be back in that room in their apartment in San Francisco.

Cyrus was suddenly gone from the desk.

“I was raised by four psychologists,” his voice spoke right next to T.J. 

The blonde almost jumped ten feet into the air. “Dude! You’ve got to stop doing that! Just walk towards me!”

Cyrus laughed. “Sorry! I haven’t considered that you might be startled by that. I’m just so used to doing it and no one really reacting. But, I’ll try to stop, I promise.”

T.J. huffed. “You better. What if I get a heart attack and drop dead right here? I’ll haunt you forever.”

“We’ll be ghost buddies, then! Together for all eternity!”

T.J.’s cheeks burned and his heart skipped a beat. That was not the answer he expected. 

Cyrus’ laugh diminished to a soft smile. “You don’t have to talk about it, if you don’t want to. But, it might make you feel better. And, like I said, I was raised by four psychologists. Well, three psychologists and a life coach, but same deal. So, I’m a pretty good listener. I’m here if you need me.”

It was kind of funny how Cyrus could go from extremely comical to touchingly sweet, all in a span of ten seconds.

“It’s not that I don’t want to talk about it.” T.J. scraped his nails against one jean-covered knee. “It’s just not the most pleasant memory. And only Amber and I really know about it. Mom…she doesn’t know everything that happened. She doesn’t know about my abilities, at all, and…”

“That’s why she thought you were doing drugs?”

T.J. let out a chuckle devoid of humor. “I should have been more vigilant.” He let out a deep breath. “Anyway… what happened… well… Remember when I told you I started seeing my grandma’s ghost when I was 6?”

Cyrus nodded.

“Well, she wasn’t the only ghost in our apartment.”

The image of a little girl, her hair in pigtails and wearing a long pink dress, floated in his mind.

“Her name was Emily. She was around 6 when she died. Probably why she latched on to me because we were the same age. I didn’t mind playing with her and all. And she was kinda fun.” He chuckled. “Mom thought I had an imaginary friend.”

He was silent for a moment, recalling every moment with Emily. Meeting her. Agreeing to be her friend. Playing with her. Being happy that he had a secret friend that no one else knew about.

“Amber is only a year older than me, so it’s normal for us to get into fights. We fought a lot when we were kids. And, Emily… she didn’t like that. She was really protective of me.”

“O-Oh…” Cyrus’ voice was shaky but he was paying close attention.

T.J. let out another breath.

“Well, one day, Amber and I were fighting. I don’t even remember what the fight was about but she was really mad. And when Amber was mad, she got physical. She pushed me and tried to pull all my hair out. After mom broke up the fight, she put us in different rooms. I was in the living room and Amber was in our bedroom.”

He swallowed as he tried to steady his shaking hands.

“I was watching T.V. when I heard Amber scream. At first, I thought she just saw a bug or something and I didn’t really bother to check for a while. Then… she called for me.”

“T.J.! T.J.! Help me!”

“I ran into the room and I saw her... dangling out the window. She said she fell but… I saw Emily next to the window, just watching her and...smiling”

“What did you do?!”

“She was mean to you!”

“She’s my sister! Amber!”

“I tried to pull her up but I was only 6. I thought she was going to fall.”

“Oh my god…” Cyrus whispered, looking horrified.

T.J. bit his lip.

“T.J.! Help me! Help me! T.J.!”

“Luckily, mom came back from the laundry room and saw us. She pulled Amber in. She wouldn’t stop crying. And Emily was angry that it didn’t go the way she wanted. That was the first time I saw her like that. So… sinister and malevolent.”

“So… you told Amber about Emily?” Cyrus asked.

“Not at first. I wanted to keep it to myself. But, she kept asking me who I was talking to, wouldn’t stop annoying me. She even threatened to throw my basketball out the window. So, I finally did. She didn’t believe me at first, called me a liar and everything. But, then, Emily started playing pranks on her. She would take Amber’s toys and move them. She would pull on Amber’s hair. Once she…” He swallowed. “She dunked her head under the water while Amber was taking a bath.”

“Oh my god,” Cyrus repeated.

“After the bathtub incident, Amber finally believed me. She refused to sleep in our room. It came to the point where she would cry and throw tantrums until Mom finally swapped rooms with us. And I was mad at Emily. Yelled at her until I cried. So…ever since, I was afraid of her and every ghost I saw. I pretended I didn’t see them and I started ignoring Emily and my grandma.”

His Nana wasn’t happy, he often caught her looking sad when he would ignore her. She had tried talking to him but he would leave the room or stick headphones in his ears so he wouldn’t have to listen.

“I only started helping ghosts when I turned 8,” T.J. continued. “My grandma…once I finally decided to start talking to her again… she told me it was an inherited ability. She had it and her mom and grandfather had it. It skips a generation now and then so mom didn’t inherit it. Neither did Amber. But…I did. Lucky me, I guess? And then… Nana disappeared. She had moved on. Her unfinished business was to tell me the truth. I just never gave her the chance until then.”

Meanwhile, the ghost girl, Emily… she was devastated that she had lost her only friend. She had tried to apologize but T.J. never really forgave her, especially when Amber started getting nightmares.

She never blamed him for what happened. But, T.J. did. That was why he resolved to protect his sister as much as he could.

Letting out a staggered breath, he tried holding back tears. “Sorry… that was a lot to dump on you.” He let out a humorless laugh. “But… you’re right… it kind of made me feel better.” He smiled, lightly. “Thanks.”

Cyrus returned the smile. “You’re welcome,” he replied.

Silence fell over them.

T.J. drummed his fingers against his knee. Amber didn’t want to be reminded of what happened so they pretended it never did. He thought he was over it. Maybe he truly wasn’t. 

But, the heaviness in his chest had lifted a little. It felt good talking about it, a release he never knew he needed.

Cyrus’ hands were clasped together on his lap, biting his lip. He seemed to be contemplating something.

“Um…I just walk around town, visiting places I used to frequent. Sometimes, I go see my parents. They moved somewhere else but they’re still in town. I guess the house, this house and the other one, reminded them too much of me. I’m their only son, you see. So...my loss must have been too much for them.”

T.J. stared.

Cyrus shrugged. “You asked me earlier where I go when I’m not here. I figured since you shared something with me, I could share something with you. So, I guess we’re both a little less mysterious now. Too bad, I was going to look out the window and look distant.”

Laughter exploded out of T.J.’s mouth – a genuine laugh, this time. He felt lighter, somehow. Maybe Cyrus wasn’t a ghost. Maybe he was a magician or a wizard or something. 

How did he manage to relieve T.J. of his burden for the last eight or so years of his life with just a few words?

Cyrus flashed him a weirded out look, his fuzzy eyebrows scrunched.

He looked like a cute puppy.

Clearing his throat, T.J. scooted a few inches away from Cyrus.

“So, I have a plan for your friends.”

The sudden change in subject appeared to confuse the ghost but he went along with it.

“I’m listening.”

“So, tomorrow is basketball tryouts, right? Well, turns out both the boys and girls teams are doing it together. And Buffy told me she was trying out. So, I asked Andi to come and watch. They are likely to run into each other and since they don’t know that I know the other, I’m bound to try and ‘introduce’ them, only for them to tell me they already know each other and then they’ll start talking again.”

Cyrus looked impressed. “Your plan is so simple yet it could actually work.”

T.J. beamed. “Right? I’m a genius!”

The other boy chuckled. “Thank you, T.J. You didn’t have to do this for me and yet you are. I’ll forever be in your debt.”

Feeling his cheeks redden, T.J. just waved a hand in dismissal. “It’s no big deal. This is nothing compared to what I’ve done for other ghosts. You just want your friends to get along again.”

“Yeah. They’re just… really important to me. And I don’t want to move on without them getting along again.”

Cyrus’ demeanor deflated a little. T.J. noticed that it happened often when they spoke about his friends. But, if they are Cyrus’ unfinished business, then there was no avoiding talking about it.

He really loved his friends. And based on Andi’s sadness when something seemed to remind her of Cyrus, it appeared that they must have loved him a lot, too.

And, then, T.J. wondered what it was like when Cyrus was alive. After getting to know him, T.J. knew that he was the type of person who didn’t deserve to die. He deserved to live and spread love and joy everywhere he went.

What if T.J.’s family had moved just a year earlier? What if he had met Cyrus and became his friend? What if he could have somehow helped prevent him from dying?

The last thought was a little far-fetched. He didn’t even know how Cyrus died. He wouldn’t tell T.J.

There were just some things in this world that could not be controlled, no matter how much you want to.

Still, T.J. couldn’t help but wonder.

“Do you ever think about…” he began.

He met Cyrus’ questioning eyes.

“You know…” he continued. He coughed a little and cleared his throat. “If you were alive, right now, do you think… we could have been friends, too?”

“Of course!” Cyrus beamed. “No doubt about it! I mean…” He chewed on his bottom lip, looking shy all of a sudden. “We’re friends now, right?”

Sparkling brown eyes peeked worriedly at him from under long lashes.

T.J.’s heart suddenly picked up pace as his throat went dry and his palms got all sweaty.

“Yeah… We’re friends,” he managed, his lips twitching.

Cyrus breathed in relief.

Getting to his feet, T.J. stretched. “So… do you wanna watch a movie or something? I have Netflix.”

“Don’t you have to finish your homework?”

He walked over to his desk where he left his laptop. “I can do it later.”

“T.J.” Cyrus’ tone was scolding.

“Cyrus,” T.J. retorted, teasingly.

The ghost boy looked torn, chewing on his lip as he looked from T.J.’s abandoned books and notebooks on the bed to the laptop and then back to the stuff on the bed.

“I promise to do it tonight. I’ll even let you check my answers, if you want.”

That seemed to set Cyrus’ mind. “Okay.”

Grinning that he got his way, T.J. picked up his laptop and went back to his bed. He settled against the headboard, pushing books, notebooks, and pens aside. He patted the space next to him and Cyrus disappeared and reappeared next to him (he was prepared this time so he didn’t even flinch).

He opened up Netflix and scrolled through the choices. “What do you want to watch?”

“Anything is fine. You pick.”

T.J. was in the mood for seeing animated and fun so he chose “Big Hero 6”. For the hour and a half or so, they were silent as they concentrated on the movie. Cyrus did cry a bit loudly at the beginning during the school fire scene (T.J. had wrapped an arm around him and rubbed his shoulder until the scene passed), but otherwise, neither of them spoke a word.

It was nice.

Back in San Francisco, T.J. never got to have a movie night with his friends. If you could even call them friends, that is. They were just people he hung out with at school but never really had a deep friendship with. He mostly stuck with Amber (to his sister’s chagrin) or spent his free time by himself. A few ghosts have tried to befriend him but, usually, they had ulterior motives.

After dinner, he fulfilled his promise to Cyrus by sitting at his desk and doing his homework.

The ghost entertained himself by playing with T.J.’s little plastic basketball, attempting to shoot at the net on the door from various angles. 

It was adorable, really. And, kind of distracting.

“Need help with that?” T.J. asked, amused as the plastic ball bounced off the edge for the tenth time.

“No, I got this,” Cyrus replied, stubbornly. “You finish your homework.”

T.J. chuckled. “Yes, mom.”

The ghost childishly stuck his tongue out at him before returning to his little game.

T.J. turned his attention back on his homework.

The rest of the night was peaceful.

It was nice.

…………

T.J. was among ten other boys trying out for the boys’ basketball team. 

As he warmed up with a few dribbles, he kept his gaze on the girls gathered on the opposite side of the gym, trying to spot a familiar head of curls.

“T.J.!”

His head spun around at the call. 

Andi and Libby were standing by the bleachers, waving at him, both sporting matching grins. T.J. waved back and watched as the two girls made their way up to find seats. He went back to dribbling, still keeping his eye out for Buffy.

He didn’t have to wait long. The doors to the locker room opened and out she came, head held high with confidence. Beside her was a brunette boy, talking as he nudged her shoulder. Laughing, she nudged back at him.

T.J. watched fascinated as the two appeared to banter back and forth before they split – the boy heading towards the boys’ side and Buffy for the girls’.

The blonde looked up at the bleachers again to see if Andi had noticed Buffy. The pixie-haired girl was distractedly conversing with Libby.

Good. He could make this work, somehow. He just had to figure out how to get them to talk to each other.

A whistle blew and he pulled his attention away from the two girls. The coaches were calling everyone over.

It was showtime.

[theusurpersdog]

The Battle of Winterfell

Okay, I’m gonna be honest, I didn’t particularly care for this episode. I came into it so hyped, because Miguel Sapochnik was in charge of the most important episode of the series to date and he has yet to disappoint, but in hindsight I realized this episode was never going to work. Not that I disliked the whole thing, because there were some moments which I absolutely love, but overall this episode was poorly conceptualized and executed even worse. Below the cut I’ll explain why I disliked it, and how I think the show could have done better. . . 

First, I think this episode was poorly executed in the writing room, not by the actors, directors, and behind-the-scenes crew. Watching the Game Revealed for this episode shows just how incredible the crew behind this show is, and its a shame that all that excellent work was largely wasted by D&D. 

Visually speaking though, this episode was stunning. The shots of Drogon and Rhaegal against the sky, lighting wights on fire, is legitimately breathtaking. Arya’s parkour is also stunning. Miguel Sapochnik and everyone else involved really did not disappoint, as far as they could carry the episode.

To me, this episode failed on two fronts: its approach to characters, and its approach to the battle. 

Characters

The biggest problem this episode had, is that it approached its characters through the lens of the action, and not the action through the lens of its characters. While D&D promised many character moments, there was only one - the Hound deciding to toughen up because Arya was in danger. Otherwise, all of the “character beats” were slow motion shots of people reacting to the battle. Those moments, its important to note, do not come from scripting - those scenes were Miguel Sapochnik desperately trying to ground his action within the emotions of his characters. But these scenes fail to carry the emotional burden the episode needed, because they are entirely generic; that’s what I mean when I say D&D did not consider the action through their characters. None of the scenes in these episodes were written from the perspective of “How would Jon, Daenerys, Tyrion, Sansa, et al, react and how does that change our episode?”, they were all written from the perspective of “These are the exact events we are going to have, what room does that leave for character expression?” - and of course, the answer was very little. Arya’s plotline this episode comes the closest to personalized, and even that falls very short. Listening to the Inside the Episode, the idea behind Arya’s story was “what if we took away her characteristics, what is she left with?” which leads to more near death fake outs, but prevents any real character moments. They intentionally took her back to season one Arya, instead of incorporating 7 years of growth into her scenes. 

Compare that approach to a previous episode, Blackwater, written by George Martin. Every single scene in that episode (except the dude bro scene with Bronn that GRRM was forced to write) is designed to show you something about Stannis, Davos, Cersei, Tyrion, or Sansa. It was a battle written specifically to highlight its characters. The perfect scene to highlight this difference is Sansa in the Sept during Blackwater, vs Sansa in the crypts during The Long Night. Sansa was not written to be useless this episode; her line “I will not abandon my people” combined with the unaired scenes of her killing wights, is quite enough evidence that the intent of D&D was to feature her. Yet, in the finished product, its very clear that D&D really didn’t understand how to feature her; the scenes in the crypts are entirely superfluous, because they exist solely to include Tyrion and Sansa. Whereas in Blackwater, GRRM wrote the scenes to highlight Sansa’s leadership, kindness, bravery, loyalty, and compassion. She is not even included in the “battle” portion of the episode, but many of her very best lines are from that episode and its corresponding book chapters - because GRRM worked the battle around his characters, instead of D&D who worked their characters around the battle. D&D genuinely didn’t know how to include scenes in this episode that weren’t action, and The Long Night suffered greatly for it. The best way to fix this problem would have been to re-examine each scene from a character’s perspective based on their specific story arc over 7 1/2 seasons. D&D were too focused on the base concept of fear, on how everyone is just terrified of death personified, that they forgot each character has their own story. Like I previously said, only the Hound has a scene like this, where we understand his specific reaction based on his specific story arc. 

This episode also failed to incorporate its characters even when the action called for it. While my above complaint is that D&D couldn’t look outside the action to make room for characters, this one is similar but slightly different - even when the action would have been greatly improved by individualized character beats, D&D chose to ignore that in favor of straight battle sequences. The obvious example of this is Daenerys, and her complete ambivalence in the face of Viserion. The only time her character was allowed to influence her scenes this episode, is when she as a Khaleesi decided she could not watch her Khalasar slaughtered; and the only reason that was included, was an excuse to get the battle rolling as D&D envisioned it. But wouldn’t dragon vs dragon content in this episode have greatly benefited from an emotionally bereft Daenerys? I am far from her biggest stan, but it is truly a slap in the face to pretend as if one of her dragons dying, and then being brought back to try and kill her, would not almost kill Daenerys. The dragons are her children; she looks at them and sees herself reflected back, both the good and the bad. Her self worth and importance is tied to them. To not only lose one, but to see it turned against her, is a scene literally begging to be about Daenerys’ loss. And yet, her emotional connection to Viserion is completely irrelevant to her battle with the Night King.

The previous complaints I’ve had with this episode were all things I think would have been relatively easy to fix within the episode itself, but the next problem I have has been building since season one, and was probably unfixable by season 6. And that problem is of Bran, Jon, and the Night King. Obviously I don’t know what GRRM’s plans for the Others are, but I am very sure Bran is at the heart of it. Don’t get me wrong, it was amazing to see a Stark defeat the Night King; but, if we are being honest with ourselves, it was the wrong Stark. Since the start of the series, when we see the Night’s Watch deserter executed through Bran’s eyes, he has been the narrator of the Others. Yet for some reason, D&D made the decision in s1 that they weren’t going to include Northern Mysticism, or Bran’s more supernatural elements. They pretty much eliminated Warging from the show completely (which is entirely unthinkable in the books). By cutting Bran off from his plot with the Others, they filled his role with Jon. Now, Jon is very connected to the North and weirwoods and that sort of high fantasy element, but he is not connected to the White Walkers directly. Jon Snow has never even faced a White Walker in the books, compared to his show counterpart who has had run-ins with the Night King since s5. By making Jon a much more stereotypical Action Hero, they’ve already gutted what the White Walkers are in the books. Once they left Bran out of s5, there really was no going back. To me, its obvious that at some point midway through the show, D&D realized from GRRM just how important Bran was to the fight against the AotD, but it was too late to do anything about it. So Bran being in the Godswood, after an extremely vague explanation of why the Night King wants to kill him, was their desperate attempt to pick up the pieces. That left D&D with only one other option for taking out the Night King - shock value. They literally say as much in the Inside the Episode. All of the above doesn’t even mention how big a problem the Night King existing at all is, but it is a huge problem. The Night’s King, from the books, is not some all powerful figure; he is a man, who made a very stupid choice out of love. The Night’s King story is a deeply personal tale, which most likely revolves around a Stark, which ties the story back to our main characters (specifically Bran). By changing the Night’s King story into one centralized White Walker villain, they took away all the personality of the White Walkers while simultaneously pinning the entire narrative onto one character (which can only lead to an unsatisfactory ending). 

The Battle

Now that I’ve explained why I dislike the character element of The Long Night, lets break down why the battle itself falls short. . . 

They played this way too straightforward. If they weren’t going to ground this episode within emotional stakes and payoffs, they had to be way more creative within the battle itself. I know Dan Weiss gave his “reasons” for not including Ice Spiders, but they were stupid (for anyone who hasn’t seen the article, he said they didn’t think they could animate giant spiders well); Lord of the Rings came out more than 15 years ago and Shelob was very well done, and you’re telling me that Game of Thrones couldn’t pull them off?

Ice Spiders isn’t the only thing they could have done though. GRRM’s story is some Cthulu level horror and heavy metal stuff, and D&D should have embraced those elements. The shots of the dragons fighting worked so well because it was a visually new experience, but D&D scripted way too much melee fighting to be the backbone of the episode. Sapochnik did the best he could to make it stimulating throughout, but as an audience this can only be entertaining for so long. And D&D were obviously very attached to making this episode feature length, regardless - what I’m saying is, an editor needed to be more involved in the final cut. 

[wouldthatihadwingsaswell]

The Jonerys anthem that’s actually Cersei’s most prominent quote

So, I watched the “Power is Power” music video this morning, even though the post that prompted it was warning to leave it alone. I already feel like less of a fan for not reading Fire and Blood yet (school responsibilities, meh), I’m not gonna miss out on the hype train that GoT is generating. 

Here’s the link if by chance you haven’t seen it yet. 

Anybody who’s stumbled across the lyrics, without seeing the video or having listened to the song, can tell that it’s probably a dialogue between characters, the acquisition of power, and “burning it down” because “power is power.” But when you watch the video, the verses are aligned between three characters (respectively): Jon Snow, Daenerys Targaryen, and the Night King. 

The first verse 

is Jon Snow (pretty obviously) sung by The Weeknd

“I was born of the ice and snow/ With the winter wolves in the dark, alone/ The wildest night I became the one/ And you’ll know you’re mine when the silence calls/ Heavy is the crown/ Only for the weak” verse, then chorus, “A knife in my heart couldn’t slow me down/ ‘Cause power is power, my fire never goes out/ I rise from my scars, nothing hurts me now/ Cause power is power, now watch me burn it down”

The second verse 

 is strictly Daenerys imagery, sung only by SZA. The chorus “The knife in my heart” through “...Now watch me burn it down” is sung as a duet with The Weeknd and SZA. Now, I want to analyze this verse a little more in depth, because the lyrics are.... interesting, when put into context with this being the back and forth between strictly Jon and Daenerys. SZA sings, 

"I went off for the coldest war/ And I know of it ‘cause I’ve played before, yeah” 

This is pretty straightforward imho. Even though the lyric video juxtaposes this with imagery of her and Drogo, the lyrics seem to fit more closely with her losing Viserion to the Night King. BUT, let’s just say for arguments sake, that this line is referring to Drogo. If that were the case, she’d be approaching her relationship with Jon as her arranged marriage to Drogo, and she’d be comparing “cold” not like being from the North, but cold down to the soul--and also referring to their relationship as a “game.” 

“How do I know if I let you stay/ How do I know if we did it your way/ You wouldn’t take my place, put me away, I’d die looking up at your face” 

I think this is pretty evidently meant to convey Dany’s paranoia towards being “usurped” by Jon (Usurped being used in this sense that she’s been working towards this goal her entire life, she’s built her identity around it, and has worked her ass off to sit on the IT). From a feminist stance I totally understand the argument that Jon’s been “failing upwards” and is about to inherit something that she’s been working for. But the language here is just.... distasteful. This is looking at someone as an adversary, not someone that you love and want to try and come together on an issue. 

“How do I ever know?/ Who can I trust?/ Feelings of emptiness/ Only love could kill me, god bless” 

Speaking more to Dany’s paranoia. “How do I ever know?/ Who can I trust?” is overlayed with imagery of Mereen, which is when Dany faced her longest period of self-doubt, and also when Jorah’s betrayal came to light. “Feelings of emptiness” is Jon petting Drogon, “Only love could kill me, god bless” shows the infamous boatbang.  

The third verse

is sung by Travis Scott, and is overlayed with imagery of the Night King. 

“Who’s hotter, been a monster with a crown/ So swamped by high water, keep your head up, you might drown/ I’m the world it’s way colder, by the day we count it down” 

Okay, okay standard, but let’s focus on the next few lines:

“Been around, just been waiting up now, she gone come around/ I took a drag, bust it out the gate, my little baby, slay” 

*crinkles the tinfoil* DO WE HAVE A NIGHT QUEEN? I mean, sure, the only exchange we see here is between Jon/NK and Bran/NK--but unless there’s a big reveal that either of them prefer She/Her pronouns, it’s gotta be referring to someone else. I’d also like to underscore that this is NOT a duet portion--it’s not The Weeknd (Jon) and Travis Scott (NK) singing together, alluding to this being reference to Jon actually talking about Daenerys. And considering the rest of the verbiage and imagery from this verse (and the verse isn’t even over) is certainly from the same POV--the Night King, according to HBO--it’s still him talking. Not Jon. Not a chance. 

“I wore a flag, put that on my face, ain’t nobody safe/ Lift the mask, they gon’ have to see what they can’t erase” 

In the trailer Sansa is heard saying, “The most heroic thing we can do now is look the truth in the face.” My gut’s telling me these two may be linked. 

“I took a lot so I took it back/ Danger’s on my mind/ Ain’t no knife, dagger, bullet that can do it/ ‘fore you yeah u know I go right straight thru it” 

This seem’s pretty straight forward, as well, referring to the Long Night in which the last Walker invasion happened, and the collective force of the kingdoms beat them back to the Lands of Always Winter. 

The Final Pre-Chorus and Chorus

is sung by The Weeknd, SZA, and Travis Scott. 

“A knife in my heart couldn’t slow me down”

Jon Snow was betrayed by the Night’s Watch, stabbed in the heart. Dany’s been betrayed a few times--she’s had some shit go down.... but none of it’s been a literal knife in the heart. The Night King was stabbed in the heart with a dragonglass dagger. This is a (mostly) unifying factor for the three of them... but I’m not gonna lie that NK and Jon were both actually stabbed in the heart, whereas Dany has only been traumatized a few times. Is it meant to be a soft unification? Or is the song possibly foreshadowing something? In places, it does really feel like it might be foreshadowing.... (Kinda tinfoily, I know.... I know the album is only meant to be “inspired” by Game of Thrones, but shit dude, I really heckin wonder with how on-the-head some of these are.... Especially Maren Morris’ “Kingdom of One” being produced with ALL-TARGARYEN imagery.) 

“Cause power is power, and fire never goes out/ I rise from my scars, nothing hurts me now/ Cause power is power, now watch me burn it down/ Oh yeah/ Now watch me burn it down” 

A little disclaimer.... I’m really not a fan of this because it does seem wildly inaccurate. We KNOW that Jon doesn’t give a damn about power, moreover, it paints him in this light as being “hungry for Daenerys” which just.... doesn’t.... seem right? lol Last episode he was avoiding her like brussel sprouts. Anywho, at the end of the day, my point is that this song is just as much of a #JonerysAnthem as it is an #antiJonerysAnthem because when you pick it apart and try to read any more deeply, it either a) doesn’t make any sense, because it’s only “inspired by” their shitty relationship or b) foreshadows the end to Jonerys and the beginning Dark Dany. 

If you’ve read this far, thanks so much for bearing with me. I’m not sure if this counts as a meta post, but if it does, it’s my first one! So please feel free to let me know how to improve my meta-making skills. I’m all here for some good constructive criticism! 

[complicatedandstained]

The Other Day at Hot Topic: Lexaeus

Axel hadn’t intended to follow Saïx’s newest recruit to work, but he had been almost done with his Starbucks when he saw him passing by, so he said to himself: Why not? Before he knew it he was ducking into Hot Topic only a few minutes behind.

Now Lex looks kind of like he wants to backhand the petite blonde twenty something standing in front of him so hard he flies into Clearance. So Axel figures he made the right call.

The new guy had looked a little overwhelmed when Axel had left him to the sharks at a staff meeting the other day, and maybe it’s his short stature and painstakingly messy hair, but Axel feels an unusually protective urge sweep through him on sight.

“Take the phone and step aside,” Lex all but growls at the wide-eyed blonde dude blocking his path out from behind the register and more significantly, out of Hot Topic.

It’s not exactly a fair fight, Axel muses, slowly and expertly navigating the narrow aisles between movie, tv show, and anime displays, eyes on the real drama unfolding.

Lex has a few inches on Axel’s six feet and spends his free time bodybuilding, like, for fun. He absolutely dwarfs the angel faced blonde, drowning in a black tunic length shirt for a band Axel doesn’t hate, his twig legs wrapped in shredded, skinny white jeggings. It was like a mountain squaring off against an adorable woodland creature.

“I want to, but you can’t expect me to stay here by myself,” the blonde objects, tenor more or less level, hands splaying open in emphasis, left wrist in a black and white checkered cuff. “It’s literally my first day.”

“Look,” Lex takes a breath to calm himself and sets a hand on his hip, “I’ve already stayed a half hour past my shift and there’s nobody here.” His other hand gestures to the aisles, but neither look, well aware that much like the rest of the mall, Hot Topic has been dead for the better part of the Tuesday morning.

The blonde’s brows furrow.  “What if somebody comes in?”

Lex rolls his eyes, gesturing vaguely. “Just tell them the register’s broken. It’s what Demyx always does.”

“Please.” What’s his name grows increasingly distressed, realizing Lex is about to jump ship whether he wants him to or not. “I don’t want to get fired on my first day.”

Lex’s signature solemn frown flickers in amusement. “There’s no one here to fire you.” He shoulders a little roughly past the blonde blocking his way but looks back as a thin croak escapes the guy’s throat. “I’m sorry, Roxas. I need to go.”

Roxas, Axel makes a mental note. That was it.

“So long, Lexaeus,” calls Axel, leaning up against the band tees, not five feet from the register.

Lex groans, and Roxas glances between the two.

“I take it back,” Lex says, turning to Roxas. “He can get us fired with a snap of his fingers.”

Axel smiles broadly and it feels unpleasant, so he can’t imagine how it looks. “Vexen deserved it.”

Lex stands and awaits his orders. Despite what he did, Vexen had been his friend, but Axel wasn’t someone to get into it with. Not with Saïx at his beck and call. Lex has places to be but he doesn’t want to risk his job. People his size and build with a resting expression that radiates “I could kill you in your sleep” likely have a fair bit of trouble on the job market. Axel takes all this in within moments.

“Go,” Axel’s expression softens and he flutters his fingers toward the cave-like store entrance that has always reminded him of a gateway to hell, “I’ve got it covered.”

“Are…” Lex starts forward right away, but then stops, checks himself. Axel’s not known for being straightforward about things, “are you sure?”

“Yep,” Axel claps his hands together, nodding toward their new coworker, “get outta here before you bruise Rox’s pretty face.”

Roxas’ fingers fly to his cheek and he seems surprised by his own reaction, flushing slightly pink.

Lex’s voice takes on a hard edge and he turns on his heel. “I don’t do that shit anymore.”

Axel blinks, reaching out to grasp his shoulder. “I know, buddy.” Lex freezes, and Axel drops his hand. “It’s okay. Go. I’ll tell Saïx you went above and beyond the call of duty.”   

Lex nods, which feels pretty intimate, coming from Lex. “...Thanks.”

Axel watches Lex clock out and stalk out before turning his attention to the small blonde, hovering beside him, shuffling in his oversized combat boots. “So, Roxas,” he waits a second for a response, but Roxas doesn’t seem eager to give one, “day one, huh?”

Roxas nods wearily, and Axel supposes that’s fair.

Talk about a stressful first shift. Especially with Saïx running the show. Eeesh.  Merciful he is not.

“Alright. Let’s see who’s supposed to be on the schedule with you.” Axel steps behind the register and pulls out a binder with shift information, simultaneously pulling out his cell and tapping a couple buttons.

His nose scrunches as he scans the lines. “Vanitas and… Demyx? Together?” He makes a face at Roxas, half sour, half amused, but Roxas doesn’t seem to have a firm enough grasp on anyone’s names to react properly. “No fucking wonder… Oh, hold on, it’s Saïx.” At his ear his phone stops ringing and an automated voice recites Saïx’s number and beeps.

“Hey, babe,” Axel’s voice turns to a low purr, and he notes Roxas’ narrowing eyes with amusement, “sexy voicemail message, as always. Hate to interrupt pilates, but I’m kinda in a tight spot here.” Axel pauses and uses two fingers to lift Roxas’ chin and thereby close his gaping mouth. Saïx has a sense of humor, but he doesn’t let a lot of people talk to him the way Axel does.

“Stopped by Hot Topic to check on your new kid and lo and behold, nobody’s here!” Axel glances down at the binder again. “It’s a little hard to read, but it looks like Xal scheduled the Devil Child and Band Geek together, which was, you must admit, a shit decision. Lex stayed late, because he’s the man, but I sent him off, ‘cause it’s dead as a doornail in here.” He glances at his watch and winces. Hopefully it’d stay that way.

He sighs melodramatically, knowing it will amuse the man on the other end, “Anyways, I’m happy to show Pop Rox here the ropes until somebody can get their ass in here, and I’ll make a few calls, but, uh, we’d love to see your smiling face soon. Ta ta now.”        

Roxas raises an eyebrow at Axel, who wonders if it’s about the impromptu nickname or his blithe words to Saïx. He opts to pretend it’s neither.

“Okay, so, I’ll text some people, see who we can sucker into coming in. Either way, Sai should be here all hot and bothered in fifteen, and you’re stuck with me until then. Guess we oughta get you started though, huh?” The blonde still looks a little dazed, so Axel smiles, welcoming. Better start with the basics, then. “You clocked in?”

Roxas looks almost bashful, shakes his head. “Uh-uh.” “Okay, to the clocktower!” Axel turns on his booted heel and begins to lead him to the storage room in the very back, rambling a bit, to ease the tension, “Well, it’s not really a tower, but it does sound more exciting, right?”

Axel glances back to Roxas who scrunches his nose but grins, almost.

“Hey.” Axel abruptly stops walking and Roxas near bumps into him. “You’re like in zombie mode, here kid, what’s up? You a Walker?”

“Uh, it’s just,” Roxas pockets his hands and Axel notes his nails, half scraped off black polish. He can’t help but find it cute, if stereotypical. “Uh, I know we met before, but I don’t really know… who you are?”

“Ah. Name’s Axel.” He smirks and pokes Roxas lightly in the temple. “Memorize it.” Explanation granted, Axel turns and again begins to work his way back to the door marked ‘STAFF’ in the furthest corner of the shop.

“I take it this is not your shift,” Roxas continues, uncertainty watering down his tone.

Axel laughs, hard, wondering if Roxas really doesn’t know Axel isn’t even an employee, really hasn’t deduced his relationship with Saïx. “Definitely not, no. But you looked like you could use a friend.”

Roxas gives him another almost smile, but his eyebrows betray him, dipping lower. “So you like, help Saïx run the store?”

Axel snorts as the Saïx in his head cringes. “More like I help Saïx run his life.” He pauses to punch in the code to the back door, 0-7-0-8, and props it open with his foot. “But yeah, I’ll be around. C’mon, you survive this shift and I’ll get you cake or something.”

Roxas smiles for the first time, swift and iridescent. “My white knight,” he quips and Axel, shocked and amused by the sarcasm, represses an urge to tuck him under his arm and ruffle up his perfectly mussed hair.

“Hey, this is Hot Topic. No white knight nonsense. It’s more like…” Axel fumbles for anything vaguely resembling it, leaning on his elbow in the doorway in faux contemplation, “dark... rescue.”

Roxas giggles—straight up giggles and nudges Axel’s arm, slipping under it and into the back. “That’s not better.”

“No,” Axel nudges Roxas’ back in return and grins, “it’s absolutely not.”

[dontjudgemebymykpoptrash]

SF9 BOI BIOS

This is originally written for @youngjbambisonyounggyomark but really can be for anyone that wants to know more about SF9, a seriously underrated VERY TALENTED and fun group of boys. First things first! ABOUT THE GROUP!

SF9 stands for “Sensational Feeling 9″ cause there are 9 and they make you feel SENSATIONAL! The fan name is “Fantasy” (which is cute, I get to say I’m a fantasy huehuehue). They’re considered a dance group (you’ll see why when you watch some dance practice videos BOY HOWDY will you) and they debuted in October of 2016.

Now? MEET THE MEMBERS!

YOUNGBIN

Listen I’m not just starting with him cause he’s my bias, I’m starting with him cause he’s the leader. I’ll be honest, when I first started looking up pics of them to learn who they were I didn’t find him the most attractive and then as I started watching more and more videos and vlives I came to realize this hecker had bias wrecked me. I believe the term is Bolmae and he bolmaed the heck out of my life. He is SO good and sweet and funny and he loves his boys so much he’s such a good leader, but the kind of leader that is really laid back. Youngbin is aggressively noncompetitive most of the time. Like he works so hard but when it comes to goofing off he doesn’t really care if he loses at like arm wrestling or something. He does this lil closed eye smile that melts my soul, and he had a minty mullet for their Mamma Mia comeback that also went lavender, silver and blonde WOW so good.He’s in the rapline but an incredible dancer. He says the best feature about him is his hands and they are very good hands. Some people call him stupid but he’s NOT he’s actually pretty smart but he is very TRUSTING and gullible. He takes things at face value and has been tricked easily but that doesn’t make him dumb, if anything it just shows what a sweetie he is.

INSEONG

Now moving on to the oldest, meet Inseong! He speaks English pretty well as he did study in London for about a year. He is fluent but sometimes when he’s put on the spot he’ll forget words and it’s suuuper cute cause he gets so embarrassed. He has dimples that could knock you out, but despite this sweet face don’t be fooled, he’s about six feet tall (most of the boys are at least 5′10″ actually!). The other members consider him the smartest which makes sense cause he’s from a well off family who made sure he had access to a great education. He definitely can come across as a little spoiled but it’s actually really endearing cause it’s really just him putting on an act about getting sulky or offended. The entire hyung line act like goobs together and are the most delightful obnoxious trio. Inseong also has a thing with chairs, he’s either tripping on them, falling out of them or carrying them around which seems random but what some videos and you’ll see what I mean.

JAEYOON

Gaw this group is FULL OF VISUALS and Jaeyoon is leading the pack. More dimples and a smile that would melt a glacier. The other members consider him the manliest of all of them and I think everyone can acknowledge he got the best booty of all (I’ve got more pics, I can share). He seems like a pretty laid back guy and doesn’t get shaken easily but actually he IS SO SCARED of roller coasters and haunted houses n stuff it’s precious. One time in a haunted house he got so spooked he accidentally begged the ghosts not to hurt them cause they’re FNC’s newest girl group - which isn’t far off cause Jaeyoon is excellent with girl group dances! As part of the hyungline that I mentioned before this boyo is hella prankster and is always being silly and loud. 

DAWON

This hecker was my original bias before Youngbin wrecked me away. I have a soft spot for clowns and Dawon goes above and beyond. He’s not afraid to pull faces and he’s a great speaker often taking the role of “MC” since he’s so engaging and fun. BUT the thing that really won me over is that for the Mamma Mia comeback he had locs and fans were pretty upset about it. At first he wouldn’t budge because he thought that fans didn’t like the look cause they thought it was ugly and he didn’t want to cave for such a superficial reason (Had that been the case I applaud the mentality!!). However, a fan spoke to him at a meet and told him about cultural appropriation and THIS GUY. LOOKED IT UP. AND CHANGED. HIS HAIR. Like that is so unusual for people to do let alone celebrities and I’m STILL impressed what a rad dude forreal. Despite seeming like a total goofball he can actually be pretty chic, and he pretty much does whatever he wants. That includes showing off tattoos while parading around shirtless, and sharing the wifi password for the FNC building while on vlive so fans without enough data can stream!

ZUHO

You know that “looks like a sinnamon roll, actually a cinnamon roll” thing? No one fits that better than Zuho. There’s Fantasy’s that believe him to be a big tough hardass cause he’s tall and has a deep voice (like really deep, hot damn). But they don’t come softer than this guy. He can be quiet and reserved but he has a heart of gold and frankly I would personally fight anyone who hurts his precious feelings. Whenever one of the other members is upset or sad, this lil lion baby is first to comfort them. He’s even chastised Youngbin for making Hwiyoung cry in practice by criticizing his dance too much. Another time a member lost part of their meal to a rock paper scissors game, Zuho not only refused to take any of his food but then SHARED his food and it led the others to share more as well. Legit will cry when you watch it if you have any heart. One factoid about him is one that’s brought up fairly often and it’s that he has TERRIBLE sleeping habits. Apparently he’s a big time snorer/sleep talker/sleep walker and shares a room with managers cause it’s so disruptive to the others. Zuho is also the most friendly of the group, he is always social and making friends with anyone he comes across, even Chanyeol from EXO promoted their Narcissus comeback because they’re friends! OH! He also composes music and had a song each on their Sensuous album as well as their Narcissus album! WHAT TALENT.

ROWOON

Speaking of visuals, Rowoon is CLASSIC VISUAL. Tallest in the group at 6′2″ when I first saw him I was kind of blown away, it’s kind of unreal how flawless this guy is. Because he’s so good looking he already does a lot of acting and has separate schedules from the others but when he is with them he is SO MUCH FUN??? Especially his relationship with the maknae Chani. He’s always showering him with affection and attempting skinship (Chani resists) and it’s GOOD. Rowoon does a lot of promoting for the group too, he really does love all his members. Rowoon can be the mom of the group when looking after the others. He’s the best cook apparently, and when Chani was scared of a roller coaster he made sure the maknae got to sit close to leader Youngbin (the dad). He’s not as loud and rambunctious as the hyung line for sure but still fun. He is usually very sweet and respectful in interviews and pretty straightforward in acknowledging that he is good looking which is refreshing. 

TAEYANG

Once again this guy is deceptively tall, I was super surprised when I learned that he’s almost 6′ tall. He’s also a killer visual and even better HE KNOWS IT. He knows that he’s a total babe but still manages to be SHY. He definitely has his stage personality and his offstage personality. He has KILLER vocals and even amongst a group of dancers stands out as one of the best dancers. It’s kind of unbelievable how talented and skilled he is. Taeyang is certainly the sunshine child of the group and a precious lil babe but if you aren’t careful he will knock you out with his sexy moves, especially in the Sensuous and Narcissus eras. But really he is still a baby underneath it all, to the point that he happily plays with the other maknae’s at a trampoline park with abandon, and sings alongs to kids show songs in public despite being shamed by the actual makenae Chani.

HWIYOUNG

This boy. This good and pure child. This sweet little (tall, again) angel baby. This lovely, darling, etc etc. The trampoline park I mentioned earlier? His idea. ((I SAID THIS DURING MAMMA MIA ERA:He still has a youthful appearance but I have no doubt he’s gonna be one of those guys that very suddenly grows OUT and into a stud)) TIME FOR THE UPDATE? Ya this boy SHOOK THE FANDOM in Sensuous era with some long heckin hair and some killer dance moves. He SHONE as front and center and the look is so good it continues to thrive into the Narcissus era. He came in and wrecked a whooooole lotta Fantasy’s. He can be a total sweetie but he absolutely has a mischevious streak, especially when he’s with Chani. Those boys together are Trouble and can get away with MURDER. This dude has a hella deep voice and is a killer good rapper like damn. That being said he does sing on a couple tracks and is quite good at that too?

CHANI

And we finally reach the maknae, the only one in the whole group under 5′10″ (5′8.5″). Also the opposite of Zuho cause he looks like a cinnamon roll but is actually a sinnamon roll and will kill anyone who mildly inconveniences him. A classic evil maknae. He is VERY cute and VERY good at aegyo and like Taeyang is VERY aware of it but is SAAAASSSSSYYYY AF about it. He’s a total brat and it’s a blast cause the others don’t let it stop them even a little when harassing him and to be honest I think he likes it too even when this little baby is telling off his hyungs to act their age while in the same breath stealing their food. Tsundere AF. It’s never not fun having Chani around (except when he suggests a game and then proceeds to disappear while the others play cause he is TAkiNG a NaP WHAT A BABYYYYYY CUTE AH). He starred in Sky Castle which also drew a lot of attention to SF9 which is awesome!

SUGGESTED VIEWINGS!

Okay first things first if you haven’t seen Click Your Heart it’s a kdrama and it stars Rowoon, Dawon, Zuho and Chani and it’s really cute and interesting and I like it a lot. All the boys have at least bit parts in it which I didn’t realize until the second watch through and there’s not that many episodes but definitely recommend checking that out!

For sure check out their dance practice videos, I prefer a lot of them to the MV’s cause the dances are... wow. Dang. Wow. So sharp. So good. But one of my favorites is the a great funny version of O Sole Mio and I’ve watched it like twenty times and it really is what made me fall in love with Youngbin

 “sweet version” of Fanfare (second video) is rly cute and makes me feet warm and cuddly.

I’ll add more videos later because it’s taken me a very long time to get this far but I definitely have some funny compilation videos to share as well as just some cute stuff they’ve posted <3

[jodiwalker]

The Best Things Happening on Game of Thrones Right Now

If the current season of Game of Thrones is fan service, then consider me — a fan — serviced, and sign me up, baby. We've been through the hard stuff, we deserve this. This series has finally broken through the stratosphere of TV criticism and into the land of pure joy where Arya can be both a raging lil' sociopath and a beloved protagonist.

So this is neither a review nor a recap, a critique nor a thoughtful analysis influenced by my superior status as a "book-reader." Instead, it is the most advanced of all literary art forms: a list of I've been tickled by in the first two episodes of season 7. The best things happening on Game of Thrones right now definitively are:

Very Silly Reveals That Are Supposed to Change the Game (of Thrones) But Are Kind of Just Really Obvious Solutions

1. There's a Shit Ton of Dragon Glass at…Dragonstone

Of all the things I expected out of this season—reunions, rifts, Cersei dramatically guzzling wine, Arya masked-murderin', Dany sittin' on thrones, hopefully the glorious return of Gendry's biceps—I never anticipated quite this much focus on igneous rocks. Jon Stark's laser focus on digging up dragon glass is starting to sound like a Goop newsletter, and it's not that I wouldn't subscribe (imagine: the fur recs! the tips for sultry lashes! the straightforward syntax without any annoying exclamation points!), it's just all a little more plainly sated than I expected. Jon calls, like, eight Big Chamber Meetings to tell all the Northern elders, plus Lil' Lyanna Mormont that their number one priority is to find dragon glass because it's the only thing they can create weapons out of in mass to kill white walkers. Those meetings go a little something like this:

Jon: How are we gonna kill white walkers?!

Northerners: DRAGONGLASS!

Jon: And where are we gonna find it?!

Sam, from Oldtown: AT—AND YOU'RE REALLY NOT GOING TO BELIEVE THIS—DRAGONSTONE!

[Ed. note: I've edited out the regular interruptions from Sansa that give me extreme conflicting emotional anxiety, but we'll get to those later in the "So You're Co-Ruling with Your Half-Sister Who's Actually Your Cousin and She's Recently Developed a Mind of Her Own After Surviving Extreme Trauma" section.]

Sending Sam to Oldtown to train as a maester is like the coconut oil/Franks RedHot of Westeros: that shit works on everything. At the Citadel, Sam begins scooping soup, souping poop (in a scene I would have exchanged for an hour-long loop of gruesome murders), and most importantly, sneaking into the restricted section of the library like some sort of chubby lovechild between Voldemort and Harry Potter. He even gets shut down by Jim Broadbent (aka Archmaester Marwyn, absolutely killing the wise, gives-no-shits maester game) and sneaks in anyway. And what did Samwell find in the restricted section?

Well, Sam steals maybe five books and finds the exact answer he needs, plus one he didn't even know he should be looking for—more on that in a minute.

And you know what? That's kind of dumb and unrealistic, but Sam deserves this. He's had a tough life and his dad is a jerk that wanted to kill him and his brother is (well, used to be) the hot guy from Unreal, and everyone shits on him all the time even though he is legitimately the nicest person alive in their godforsaken, feces infested world — dude has earned finding the solution to saving mankind after exactly 10 minutes of cozy reading with his cute wildling life partner and their ageless baby.

So, Sam finds out (via a super lame picture that Jaime could have drawn with his strong hand) that there's a big ol' dragon glass mine at—you're not going to believe this—Dragonstone. All they've gotta do is dig it up. Well, and, y'know, get past Daenerys Targaryen, heir of Dragonstone who recently arrived on its sandy, glass-filled shores. And that other thing that Sam found?

2. The Cure for Greyscale is Just…Peeling Off the Greyscale

Well, no fucking shit, Sam.  I mean, listen, I know I was just singing the kid's praises, but it's pretty crazy to act like you just found the magical cure for Greyscale in your magical secret books when that cure is…peeling off the Greyscaled skin and then putting a bunch of medieval Neosporin on it. But whatever, it's really sweet that Sam wants to help Jorah Mormont so badly because of his affection for Lord Commander Mormont and is willing to flay him to save his life (and definitely give himself Greyscale with the way he's using those gloves). So go ahead, Sam, peel off that Greyscale in your secret Dr. Pimple sessions—your solution might be obvious, but at least it's not dumb, dumb, dumb…

3. The Dragon Feller That's Just…a Crossbow

So, John is concerned with defeating the white walkers because, y'know, strong moral fiber and a her survivor's guilt complex and all that. But Cersei is mainly concerned with defeating anyone who would try to take the Iron Throne from her that she didn't already blow up with magic fire. And that means she's got to look alive about the tiny blonde Targaryen heading her way who's bringing, along with her legitimate claim to the throne, her three big ass dragons that were, coincidentally, born from a magic fire.

It's going to take something big to defeat those dragons. Something magical. Something much more powerful than even wildfire. Something like…

A BIG ASS CROSSBOW, BABY! Yeah, that will be great for killing dragons — if the dragons are sitting still, 1,000 years old, and already dying peacefully of natural causes. It's okay, Qyburn. They can't all be skull-crushing Frankenzombies held together by Husky R' Us armor level ideas, buddy.

Arya and Her Whole Thing

I remember when How to Get Away With Murder premiered there were a bunch of think pieces that were all, Finally! A Female Anti-Hero for Us to Love Just Like All Those Dude Anti-Heroes We Loved on A&E and HBO! Of course, no one loved Viola Davis' anti-hero like they loved Walter White because people don’t like to love flawed women like they like to love flawed men (and the show's not as good, but Viola is). And so, when Arya gave the best revenge performance of all time at the top of the season 7 premiere, there were a bunch of (to be fair, legitimate) articles that were all Should We Really Be Rooting for Arya? Is Arya a Sociopath Now? Arya Sure Looked like She Wanted to Kill Ed Sheeran, an Innocent Soldier, Who We Will Tell You Later How WE'D Like to Kill, But for Different Totally Valid Reasons.

So let me just say, yes! Arya is a probably a semi-psychopathic now, and yes! We should be rooting for her. She is but a simple mercenary setting out to avenge the death of her loved ones using humble blood magic. Yes, she killed Walder Frey, and yes, she fed him to his sons, and yes she then skinned him and wore his face in order to poison all those sons who she had just fed a pie made out of their dad, but you know what she also did…spared the women who hadn’t done anything wrong except be born into that nasty family. And yes she maybe only spared them to have this bad ass parting line, delivered with just perfect level-headed menace by Maisy Williams: "When people ask you what happened here — tell them the North remembers. Tell them winter came for House Frey."

But she is Arya and I love her, and I support her in anything she does…unless she kills any of the characters I like, in which case I will have to write some think pieces.

Sibling Dramzzz: Stark Edition

And speaking of Starks you have to keep your eye on, Sansa and Jon are having kind of a hard time co-parenting the North, and that's probably because people just loooove putting Jon in charge, even though Sansa should kind of technically be in charge, the only problem is, that Sansa's so annoying. Now, Sansa has made large strides toward being less annoying. But for every two steps forward (occasionally telling Lord Baelish to go fuck himself, knowing about war, not being a moralizing idealist), she interrupts Jon six times in their council meetings and tells him how stupid he is.

And listen, I get it — I have siblings. No one knows you better, and no one knows they know you better. When someone acts like they understand you better than you understand yourself, and worse, they're probably right, it can be trying. When Sansa tells Jon that he's going to get his head chopped off like his virtuous father and brother before him, she's not necessarily, but she is annoying. In a made-up world with dragons and child-sacrifice and, like, constant incest that's often not very relatable, I find this Jon and Sansa stuff frustratingly relevant.

The complexity of familial bonds is a language that spans universes (I mean, I guess that's ignoring the thing I just said about near-constant incest), so when Sansa says just the right bratty thing — "Joffrey never let anyone question his decisions, do you think he was a good king?" — to set Jon off, or when Jon and Sansa get on the same page about something, then he immediately changes his mind and announces it at the dinner table, so she questions his decision in front of all their gossipy cousins…it's normal family stuff, just at much higher, head-chopping stakes.

My great fear is that the tentative but often sweet partnership these two eldest "children" of Ned Stark have formed will somehow be ruined by Littlefinger. So boyyyyyy was it gratifying when Jon choked his old ass out when he was all I wanted to fuck your step-mom and now I want to fuck your half-sister, just thought I'd tell you that right here in front of your dead dad's crypt. And mannnnn was it concerning when Sansa backed down from publicly challenging Jon about his decision to leave the North and sale to Dragonstone the moment she learned he was leaving her in charge of the North in his absence, then immediately looked to Littlefinger for…what? Approval? Guidance? Shared joy? None are great options.

Just get though this Jon and Sansa  — I promise you’ll be best friends when you’re adults!

Sibling Dramzzz: Greyjoy Edition

Yo, this family is Messed! Up! Theon jumped off a ship rather than risk saving his sister Yara from their super-pirate uncle who's now taking Yara, Ellaria, and the last remaining Sand Snake, Tyene as his gift to Cersei which will totally make her want to marry him so he can be king, I guess, and not just of his raggedy salt islands.

It will never not be distracting how much Euron looks like Pacey though. If Pacey had a run-in with an H&M clearance rack and the entire smoky eye section of Sephora.

Sibling Dramzzz: Lannister Edition

And speaking of Cersei's current romantic status: Jaime is giving her a looooot of side-eye because she's, y'know, terrible. But she is doing a really fun thing this season where she's constantly recapping how much she hates everyone while subconsciously remaining us how much everyone hates her in return. While roaming around her Etsy map of Westeros, Cersei tells Jaime: "Enemies to the east. Enemies to the south: Ellaria Sand and her brood of bitches. Enemies to the west: Olenna, the old cunt, another traitor. Enemies to the North: Ned Stark's bastard has been named King of the North, and that murdering whore Sansa stands beside him. Enemies everywhere, we're surrounded by traitors!"

Girl, anymore zingers and maybe a concluding paragraph, and they'll give you a byline at Vulture. It is my one true hope that Jaime will realize his sister is insane and kill her before she kills him or Tyrion.

Everything Lil' Lyanna Mormont Does

I don't care if it's Disney-Channel-level precocious, I don't care if they're just giving us more of what we want…actually, I do care. Give me more of what I want! And what I want is the Lil'est Lady of Bear Island repeatedly telling a bunch of giant grizzled dudes to STFU. "I don't plan on knitting by the fire while men fight for me," she says when it's proposed that girls should be trained to fight in the war to come. "I might be small and I might be a girl, but I am every bit as much a Northerner as you. And I don't need your permission to defend the North." Yes, my tiny queen! I don't know if they heard you in the back, but at this point in time, just about every major house in the realm is run by a woman And speaking of…

Jon and Dany Said Each Other's Names and Hopefully That Will All Be Fine

That's it, that's all I needed. Now they can either become best friends or fall in incestuous Targaryen love, there is no other option.

Images: HBO; BlondieTVJunkie/tumblr

[sinceileftyoublog]

Full of Hell Interview: Poser Grind for an Open Mind

Photo by Reid Hathcock

BY JORDAN MAINZER

To think of the new album from Maryland/central PA grindcore band Full of Hell, Weeping Choir, as a companion album to their previous one, Trumpeting Ecstasy, is a bit misleading. While lead singer and songwriter Dylan Walker told me that he “was in the same headspace” when writing both albums, none of the band members, Walker included, wanted Choir to seem like a part two. In fact, it’s the band’s best record yet because it seems definitive and stands alone, showing the different ways the Maryland band can envelop you with brutal intensity. And the band agrees.

Speaking with him over the phone earlier this month, Walker told me about why the band was so confident making Choir, switching record labels, working with Converge’s Kurt Ballou and Lingua Ignota, his love of drum machines, Luca Guadagnino’s Suspiria remake, and that time his entire family came to a FOH show. Oh, and catch them at Reggies this Sunday!

Since I Left You: What’s unique about Weeping Choir as compared to previous Full of Hell records?

Dylan Walker: This is really vague, but it’s better. We’re older, and we’ve been playing together for a bunch of years. I think we’re finally starting to be able to get what we hear in our heads onto tape. It can be a letdown when you get in the studio and want it to be a certain way and it doesn’t come out that way. It’s difficult to encapsulate what you think your band sounds like onto a record...It’s fun, but it’s taken time to learn how to do it properly. This time, everybody kind of went for it. Most of the time, I’m fine with the record and I can live with it out in the world but I’m always looking back and thinking I should have gone for it a little more. This time, I still have those feelings a tiny little bit, but it’s way lower than usual. This is a really nice distillation of everything we like and have taken stabs at before. Maybe it feels a little more cohesive? I don’t know. It’s a nice example of who we are. It’s a really natural record.

SILY: I definitely feel like you totally went for it. What stood out to me is how different the songs were in terms of style and sub-genre. Something like “Armory of Obsidian Glass” is this slow, emotional centerpiece, and “Ygramul The Many” is a thrash song.

DW: We’ve always done stuff like that, but Dave [Bland]’s gotten better at drums, and Spencer [Hazard]’s gotten better at writing guitar riffs, and I’ve gotten better at singing. Everybody had a part to play, and we’ve really inspired. We all enjoy what we’re doing more than ever and along with it feeling more comfortable with each other as musicians. It was a really positive experience. It was a really quick recording experience, and we took a while to write it. It’s a cool feeling; a lot of times, over the past couple years, I’ve felt we’re just getting going, and I feel really inspired at times. I think it shines on the record. We wanna write more.

SILY: Why did you switch to Relapse for this record?

DW: We kind of bounced around to a lot of different labels over the years. I always viewed them like residencies. I never thought about sticking to a permanent home. We left Profound Lore for no particular reason. We just wanted to give it a shot with a label that had a full staff. Profound Lore’s an amazing label. They did a perfect job on the records we did with them. It had nothing to do with what was wrong with any of the labels we worked with--same story with Thrill Jockey, Neurot, they’re all awesome labels. It was a huge deal to work with any of them. We’re just trying something a little different with Relapse. It’s been cool so far. I can’t complain.

SILY: This is your second time working with Kurt Ballou.

DW: We had been talking on and off a little before about working with him, and it wasn’t until we met him that I was kind of sold. I should have assumed I would have liked the guy when I met him, but he’s really fun to be around. He comes from the same kind of world we come from. He’s a punk dude, he plays in a pretty DIY/extreme band that meshes a lot of genres, and he knew who we were and what we were about. He had a really cool perspective.

SILY: He’s done so much production work, too, that did you feel a certain sense of security knowing how it was gonna come out?

DW: Yeah, totally. We don’t want a cold, mechanical sounding record, but I always felt like there was a line where it might be too raw. A lot of the music we listen to that’s metal-based is really raw stuff, and I was having a bit of a perspective shift that maybe people who listen to Full of Hell don’t quite want the absolute most necro, raw, fucked up production. There’s probably a balance between big, door-slamming production and leaving it a little raw. Kurt’s a nice middle ground.

SILY: Do you have a favorite song on the record?

DW: No, not really. I think the one that surprised me the most is the song “Armory”, the one with Kristin [Hayter]. It’s entirely because of Lingua Ignota’s contribution. I think it’s great. I think we wrote something a little different. When Kristin sent her tracks over, it was 10 GB. I was really confused by that. Even for WAV files, that would be pretty big. It’s because it was like 30 vocal tracks. She just said, “Use what you want.” We put it all on. It was so good. She’s so good at layering her vocals because she has such an insane voice. I feel like it gave emotion to our music that had never ever been there before. It was pretty exciting to me. I’m a big fan of Lingua Ignota, and being a fan of something and then getting to have it in your music is pretty special.

SILY: Do you mostly listen to heavy music, even if not all metal?

DW: I listen to all kinds of stuff. I’ve kind of become that guy that listens to just about everything. Heavy is a term you can argue. I think a lot of hip hop is really heavy. The beats are heavy. Lyrical content is deep and dark. It has its own heaviness even if its not sonic heaviness. I listen to some goofy ass shit. Folk, hip hop, noise, EDM. Over the years, I’ve tried to have a broad taste. I’m over the hater phase all the kids get into. The more you listen to, the more you can expand your palate. It’s important to have a broad palate.

SILY: Do you see the purism in a lot of people’s reactions to a band like Thou? Especially because they don’t dress like a metal band.

DW: It’s kind of funny, isn’t it?

SILY: I’ll read comments about them that have to do with the shirts they’re wearing, and I’m like, “Why do you care?!?”

DW: I think it bothered me a little bit when we first started and grindcore purists called us “poser grind.” But then I thought about it, even for a minute, and I realized all of the bands I was influenced by were all poser bands that were not doing it the pure way. They blended things together. I always liked that anyway. I kind of embrace it; it’s better that way.

SILY: That shows through with the collaborations you've done, too: The Body, Code Orange, Nails, but also so many different bands who are less well-known.

DW: Oh, yeah, we kind of just did what we wanted. You couldn’t ask for anything better. Do what makes the most sense to you and what feels right to you. You can never be wrong.

SILY: What’s your relationship with industrial and noise music in general?

DW: I think everybody in the band loves the heaviness and inhuman-ness of programmed drums. As soon as you open yourself up to drum loops, you open the gate.

SILY: The opening track of Weeping Choir, “Burning Myrrh”, starts full force pretty immediately. Why did you decide to open the record that way?

DW: Spencer’s responsible for the intro. I think it just depends how we’re feeling. With Trumpeting, we really wanted an identifiable standout sample to start the record. We hadn’t done that. And this time, we wanted to come in as a full band right out of the gate. It’s a personal preference at the moment of how we opened the record. We had records open with just noise and free-form drums, just stuck on the concept of having a record open like that. I always kind of liked the more free-form records you find more in jazz than metal. But that kind of preamble, of an orchestra opening up, I like that jammy kind of vibe. Every record’s definitely got its own voice. It’s just a matter of finding that voice and whether the opening feels appropriate for that style of record. We just wanted to feel like there was no filler. No bullshit. Get it and go.

SILY: The drums on “Aria of Jeweled Tears” really stood out for me.

DW: That song really has cool drum work on it. The guest on that song is this guy Limbs Bin. His style is hardcore but 100 times faster. It’s just him and a drum machine, maybe a synthesizer to make noise. On that track, you can hear programmed drums at the beginning and end and the middle--there’s a staccato breakdown. He plays programmed drums on top of that.

SILY: At first, it felt like a militaristic march. Then they turn into machine guns.

DW: His snare drum is really poppy and definitely has that marching band kind of sound. I had people ask before if it was a sample. It did remind me a lot of a machine gun once we laid it down. The pattern was intentional; it was meant to loosely mimic the riff in the middle that he sings on and plays drum machine on. With programmed drums, the world is wide open to you. Limbs Bin’s drum machines are so raw and fucked up and harsh. They suit the situation perfectly and color the song completely differently. If you don’t know the source, it’s even more exciting, because you’re like, “What the fuck is that?”

SILY: That’s the exact experience I had.

DW: That’s awesome...the first time I heard Godflesh I experienced the same thing. It was so alien. It was snapped to a grid--that makes it so much harsher, too.

SILY: What’s your live set up like on these songs?

DW: This tour’s gonna be pretty straightforward. It’s just gonna be the four of us. Sometimes, we have extra horn players, but this one’s the four of us. We all have new equipment, but otherwise, it’s a straightforward Full of Hell set.

SILY: I saw on Facebook that your grandma came to a recent Full of Hell show.

DW: Yeah, she finally came to a show in Philadelphia last month. It was really cool.

SILY: What did she think of it?

DW: I think she liked it a lot. I wasn’t really gonna ask her. She’s super sweet and supportive. She doesn’t like anti-Christian stuff. She likes ghost stories and horror, but she’s not into super sacrilegious looking shit. She kind of turns her head on that stuff. But I had all my aunts and uncles there, and they really liked it a lot. It was pretty exciting for me. I love my grandma. She’s awesome. I think the moment was more important for me than to her. I never expected her to get to go, either. When she told me they were going to come to Decibel Fest, I was like, “Sure, I’ll get you in, let me know,” not really thinking they were gonna go through with it. But they all decided to go. We played the pre-show, so it wasn’t a huge festival experience that would have been a little more overwhelming. They just made it in time, too. We were setting up and I looked towards the side of the stage and they were all there. Pretty awesome. You can’t put a price on that kind of stuff. Everybody in the band’s got pretty supportive families. Everybody’s parents have been to see the band multiple times. We’re pretty lucky in that sense.

SILY: Is there anything you’ve been listening to, watching, or reading lately that’s caught your attention?

DW: I just finally saw the Suspiria remake. I liked it a lot. I thought I would love it! I’m a big fan of the original Suspiria, and I usually hate when they remake stuff like this. I didn’t think it was gonna miss the mark because the trailer looked so good. And there was a lot I liked about it. Overall, it was probably the sickest movie I’ve seen in a while. 

Other than that, a lot of hip hop. There’s this label called Griselda Records from Buffalo, New York. It has these guys on it that are absolute fucking psychos. The music is so dark, and the music is so good. Westside Gunn, Conway the Machine, and Benny the Butcher. That’s pretty much all I’ve been listening to for the past year. I was listening to it before we recorded, while recording, and after we recorded this record. I don’t know if it had any influence, but it definitely gets me really hyped up. I’m pretty obsessed.

SILY: Did you like Thom Yorke’s score for Suspiria?

DW: Yeah...parts of it. I like Thom Yorke, but I don’t want to hear his voice singing over a movie like that. I didn’t like the vibe. When it was just his instrumental, I think it works pretty well. The original score is so one of a kind. It’s a timeless horror soundtrack. No matter what Thom Yorke did, he would have naysayers on the other end of it. But I did feel like it didn’t quite match up to the spirit of Suspiria in certain moments. I was actually listening to it today after watching it. It’s really cool, but it doesn’t gel 100%. With a movie that old, people have their minds made up about what the universe feels like. I can definitely see why it was so polarizing when it came out, and Thom Yorke’s soundtrack is definitely a part of that.

Album score: 8.3/10

[spicynbachili1]

The greatest facial hair to ever grace a screen belongs to Kurt Russell

When beards get severe, Kurt Russell will get seriouser

Each November a motion happens during which individuals elevate funds to assist help these battling most cancers by not shaving. There’s No-Shave November the place of us are inspired to place down the razor and as a substitute donate the month’s shaving funds to most cancers analysis or to these in want of monetary help as they undergo chemotherapy. Then there’s Movember, the place the main focus is on letting that lovely higher lip hair develop to assist elevate consciousness surrounding prostate and testicular most cancers, in addition to suicide. 

Whereas not one of the workers at Flixist are manly sufficient to develop any facial hair in any respect, in honor of this facially targeted month, we are celebrating our favourite completely groomed beards, mustaches, and Fu Manchus as seen all through cinema. To kick issues off, I current to you the one true best face fluff: Kurt Russell in Hateful Eight. 

“Grizzled” is the very best phrase to explain John “The Hangman” Ruth. His mustache solely amplifies his demeanor as he rides to assert the bounty of the recalcitrant Daisy Domergue. Ruth’s gloriously overflowing whiskers portend his inside angle. He is over-confident and direct, not one to draw back from confrontation or be the one to instigate it. He instructions consideration and the free-flowing facial fur solely bolsters the respect he feels he deserves. In a film with gruff outlaws and demise hiding across the nook, Ruth’s mustache has a je ne sais quoi that simply merely suits the bounty hunter’s aura. 

The Wonderful Mustache Gary (Remaining Area) – Sian Francis-Cox

Gary is a prisoner aboard the Galaxy One, a lonely spacecraft drifting via the void. Serving a 5-year sentence for destroying 92 star cruisers at a Mexican household restaurant (in an effort to impress the gorgeous however aloof pilot Quinn) – properly, life isn’t actually going nice for him. However when he meets Mooncake, a wonderful lil’ gumball of affection of an alien, who occurs to be a planet-destroyer and hunted by an evil overlord, issues begin to warmth up. And with a view to face what lies forward, Gary has to face what’s inside himself.

What’s inside himself occurs to be The Wonderful Mustache Gary, an infinitely superior imaginary iteration of Gary with a wealthy, thick, luscious mustache. He is aware of it. He flaunts it. He even has a tiny little comb to maintain it clear. A comb! The Wonderful Mustache Gary completely embodies all the things Gary desires to be in life, all the things he is aware of he should reside as much as, all the things he’s not. It’s a second of readability, an identification epiphany for Gary: realizing he’s solely human, and may solely be the Gary he’s proper now, mustache or no mustache.

It’s profound. It’s inspiring. And it’s what will get Gary able to face the final word evil. All I can say is that Olan Rogers can have my timeless affection for bringing The Wonderful Mustache Gary into existence.

All of The Dude’s Hair (The Huge Lebowski) – Drew Stuart

Lengthy, flowing, soiled blonde hair. A goatee, fairly unkempt. That is The Dude’s coiffure. And it is excellent. To The Dude, it says that he is a float form of man. He is all the way down to see your band subsequent Friday, and he does not even have to know what vices your lead singer has. Alternatively, he is a slacker. A loser. A halfwit. A numbskull. That is all properly and good too. It is the form of hair that matches in with a T-shirt or a gown. With a desecrated rug. With something, man….

The Dude’s hair is so iconic due to how ubiquitous it’s. Everybody is aware of The Dude. We have all met him, in his many alternative types. And his goatee, his lengthy flowing locks, are a lifeless giveway for somebody who’d favor something however The Eagles.

The Complete Solid of Tombstone’s Higher Lips (Tombstone) – Rick Lash

The wild, wild west. Whiskey. Mud. Gunfights. Gold! Ranches. Cattle. Whiiiiiiiiiskey. And mustaches, the deadliest mustaches that e’er lived. Positive, Tombstone is in regards to the increase and bust mining city of the 19th century, made singularly well-known by the Gun Combat on the O.Okay. Corral involving each Wyatt Earp and Doc Vacation. However extra so, it’s a few civilization constructed round facial ornamentation backed up with chilly metal and sizzling lead. In a world the place tempers ran excessive, fueled by a ne’er ending swimming pools of whiskey, a person might be judged not by his phrase or ethical fiber, however by the machismo, pomp, and circumstance of his whiskers.

Suppose on it. Each desperado, miner, card shark, bartender and cowboy on this movie is adorned with face fungus most distinguished. These soup-strainers are wild, gentle or organized rank and file. The face lace is available in all varieties, however their mannerisms imply, severe, lethal and don’t fuck with me. When a person crossing the road was as more likely to have a gunfight as attain the opposite aspect, one’s nostril bug was the primary line of protection in deterring the riffraff. Positive, the pistol in your hand despatched a message, however your finely trimmed (or careless and unkempt) taste saver backed it up. 

Henry Cavill’s Million Greenback Mustache (Mission: Not possible—Fallout, Justice League) – Chris Compendio

Anybody who is aware of me properly will probably not be stunned that I’m nonetheless far too obsessed over this absurdity. Any cultured moviegoer will keep in mind the predicament that ensued because of reshoots for Justice League and manufacturing of Mission: Not possible—Fallout, with Henry Cavill starring in each. Cavill sported facial hair for the latter movie, and the Superman we all know doesn’t sport any as such. A compromise between Justice League studio Warner Bros. and Mission studio Paramount had Cavill, facial hair and all, carry out as Superman, with stated facial hair being eliminated in post-production. The outcomes had been delightfully eerie, with Cavill trying like he was affected by extreme allergy symptoms at factors, and at some angles, showing as an unintentional John Travolta.

It is all humorous by itself, however what makes the story extra stunning is the truth that Paramount reportedly declined Warner’s provide of getting Cavill’s face shaven and masking the prices of getting CGI facial hair, which theoretically was extra sensible and cheaper, to not point out it in all probability would have appeared higher. However no, the stache needed to keep, as a result of… the facial hair was essential to Cavill’s character? I can solely think about Paramount executives making an attempt to stifle their snickers whereas on a convention name with Warner Bros., and I would wish to assume that this was a deliberate act of sabotage in opposition to Justice League, not that it wanted that yet another factor to make that movie even worse. Having seen, reviewed, and liked Fallout, I could not inform you why the facial hair was important for Cavill’s character of August Walker, however I assume it helped me to distinguish this character from Superman and his Man from U.N.C.L.E. undercover agent character. Cavill is a monster on this movie, a hulking cannonball of testosterone, so in a manner, maybe it was important.

Nonetheless, Warner Bros. may have saved some huge cash if they simply gave Superman a mustache.

Cesar Romero and The Unique Superhero Mustache Coverup (Batman) – Matthew Razak

Chris is manner off base together with his choose and that is due to the straightforward indisputable fact that Henry Cavill’s mustache controversy was merely a pale reflection of the unique superhero mustache kerfuffle. You see, again when the Batman TV collection was casting its Joker the producers wished Cesar Romero, he of the debonair appears and iconic mustache. It’s kind of of casting that on its face worth appeared off as Romero was a Hollywood heartthrob (Sound acquainted?). Romero agreed to play The Joker, however he refused to shave off that horny mustache. The answer? Paint over the factor. 

Here is the distinction between captain digital-no-stache up there, and Romero’s Joker: the unshaved mustache match completely into the splendidly odd and campy manufacturing that was each the Adam West Batman TV present and Batman film. The white mustache is the proper metaphor for the present’s deadpan supply of its distinctive model of madness. Not that we would realize it, however had the Joker not had a mustache he would have been lower than, regular, run-of-the-mill. Romero’s guffawing and manic interpretation of the clown prince of crime was good, but it surely was the not-so-hidden mustache that pushed it into true camp. How was this their resolution to this drawback? The reply, it seems, is as a result of it was the appropriate one. For that, it’s clearly the only best piece of facial hair identified to any display.

Groucho Marx’s Greasepaint Mustache (Marx Brothers movies) – Hubert Vigilla

The perfect cinematic facial hair doesn’t have to be actual. Groucho Marx’s iconic mustache is as pretend as a three-dollar invoice, however that’s by design. It’s facial hair that performs to a budget seats, which had been all paid for with three-dollar payments (I’ll inform you, that millionaire theater proprietor goes to change into a thousandaire very quickly, and a hundredaire by the point I get via with him.). The thick greasepaint mustache was pure serendipity. Groucho didn’t have time to placed on an actual fake-mustache earlier than a vaudeville present. As a fast repair, he painted on a pretend mustache, and a legendary look was born. All through the Marx Brothers’ basic movies, the stache was all greasepaint, on a regular basis. Later in life, Groucho Marx would develop an actual mustache, which might be seen clearly from a budget seats so long as these seats had been close to a TV.

The Groucho Marx look is so iconic that it gave delivery to Groucho Glasses. what they’re: thick-rimmed glasses, pretend eyebrows, pretend schnozz, and an actual fake-mustache. These ubiquitous tchotchkes allowed regular of us to change into the snarky, quip-a-minute nogoodnik everyone knows and love. Groucho Glasses additionally gave financial institution robbers who don’t have time for greasepaint a helpful disguise that might be bought on the nearest Cracker Barrel for a crisp three-dollar invoice.

Mr. Turtle and the Full Lack of Hair (The Grasp of Disguise) – Bradley Sexton

This complete matter was a trick query for those who ask me as a result of clearly, no hair is the very best form of facial hair. Why waste precious time sustaining an unsightly, itchy tuft of facial hair when you possibly can have a easy, clear look and a robust jawline as well. No, facial hair will get in the way in which of the golden ratio faces we anticipate our stars and starlets to have.

Because of this Dana Carvey as Mr. Turtle is the proper sort of facial hair. Not solely does he not have a beard or mustache, however he does not have any hair in any respect! Positive, he often is the most unfunny, obnoxious character in a film that perfected unfunny, obnoxious characters, however have a look at the shine on his head. You possibly can fry an egg on prime of that factor or rattle off a sick bongo solo. If he had hair, this scene could be silly, ugly and dumb as a substitute of simply silly and dumb.

Pei Mei’s Legendary Fu Manchu (Kill Invoice) – Jesse Lab

It stuns me how we have gotten to the ultimate entry on this checklist, but nobody determined to speak about Pei Mei and his legendary facial hair! It could not have value hundreds of thousands of , however I might argue that there is no such thing as a higher facial hair in existence than Pei Mei’s wonderful stache. I am tempted to not even name it a stache since there is a good lengthy white tendril rising down from his chin. In my books, Pei Mei has the very best mustache in addition to the very best beard. 

After which you will have his wonderful beard/stache flip. Let me set the scene for you. The Bride travels the world over to be skilled by Pai Mei, creator of the 5 Fingered Dying Punch. When she meets him, he berates her after which promptly kicks her ass. However that is nothing in comparison with… the flip. Laughing at her face, Pai Mei gently strokes his Fu Manchu and offers it a stable flip up, giving it just some seconds of hold time to actually rub it in her face. His mustache and beard combo turned the cinematic definition of badass facial hair. It is a look that may solely exist on display, by no means in actual life. THAT’S a film mustache.

You might be logged out. Login | Join

        Filed beneath…

from SpicyNBAChili.com http://spicymoviechili.spicynbachili.com/the-greatest-facial-hair-to-ever-grace-a-screen-belongs-to-kurt-russell/

[mrmichaelchadler]

Bright Wall/Dark Room January 2019: The Year of the Death Wish by Fran Hoepfner

We are pleased to offer an excerpt from the latest edition of the online magazine, Bright Wall/Dark Room. Their latest issue discusses the best in film and television from 2018. In addition to Fran Hoepfner's piece below on "Mission: Impossible - Fallout" and "Free Solo," they also have new essays on "First Reformed," "Eighth Grade," "Annihilation," "Support the Girls," "Burning," "Cold War," "Mandy," "The Haunting of Hill House," "Schitt's Creek," "The Mule," "Jinn," "Disobedience," and more. 

You can read our previous excerpts from the magazine by clicking here. To subscribe to Bright Wall/Dark Room, or look at their most recent essays, click here.

There’s a fight scene in the first hour of Mission: Impossible — Fallout that takes place in a bathroom at an EDM party. I know, I know, you’re already sold. It was no doubt the highlight of the trailer, with an oft-gif’d moment of Henry Cavill’s Agent August Walker pumping his arms as if they were loaded guns (and who am I to say they’re not) before he punches a man in the face. It’s great, it’s comical. It’s the type of image you use to react to people on Twitter who say something wrong about a movie you like.

What drew me in, what sold me, really, 100 percent, on Fallout occurs just moments later when Walker is half-unconscious on the bathroom floor, and Ethan Hunt (Tom Cruise, a martyr, maybe, but we’ll get there), panting, looks up at the assassin who just clocked his associate. Hunt knowshe has to get up. He knows he has to take this guy down. He knows he has to finish the fight. But before he does it, he sighs and rolls his eyes. And not a blink-and-you-miss-it eyeroll, the type you sneak by your extended family during a long holiday meal. I’m talking a full 360 degrees eyeroll, baby. Isn’t that just the way it is sometimes? Or even most of the time? To get back up, to fight through it all, isn’t it the most annoying fucking thing in the world?

“Your mission should you choose to accept it,” Walker sneers, throwing the conceit of the entire franchise back at Ethan. “Isn’t that the thing?” That is the thing. The impossible missions of the Mission Impossible franchise are entirely optional. At any given time, they—and Hunt, specifically, and his scrappy can-do attitude—can choose to not accept. And yet, with an eye roll, no less, he gets back up onto his feet and runs full-speed into the man who wants him dead.

I have for several years now held onto a belief that every Tom Cruise movie is about death—the fear of, the desire for, the fight against. I say this not as a diehard Cruise fan (and truthfully, it feels almost entirely unethical to write about him in 2018) or even a Cruise completist, but where there’s smoke, there’s often fire. And even if not every Cruise vehicle aligns with my flippant theory, the Mission: Impossible franchise has certainly evolved to become more death-defying than ever before. Set against the Fast & Furious franchise—different, I know—and its increasing hyper-reliance on CGI for its stunts and locations, the Mission: Impossible movies and their penchant for making everything as real as it can be feel downright old school. And knowing that, it’s tough to watch Mission: Impossible — Fallout, and it’s even tougher to watch Cruise motorcycling sans helmet through the frantic roadways of Paris and not think, this guy is going to die making these movies.

//

I got into a bad habit this year where I became almost too reliant on the texting acronym “kms.” It stands for “kill myself.” Never did I use it to be anything but flippant. I promise it was never a threat. Rather it became an emotional crutch throughout what I’ll politely refer to as an emotional and turbulent year. There was some sort of creature comfort in responding to each subsequent blow by referring to all of it as “real kms hours.” It is hard to articulate what I mean by this, and I dedicated too much time throughout the year patiently telling those closest to me that this was just the way I communicated, and not indicative of any cry for help. For what it’s worth, most of my close friends seemed to hate this. It drove them insane, and I’m not proud of it. “Can you please not…say that?” they’d patiently ask. And I knew I shouldn’t. I knew it was bad. But what I meant, truly, any time I would respond to something with a tongue-in-cheek “kms” was not unlike the feeling of rolling one’s eyes before getting up and tackling a guy to the ground. There’s a death wish—embedded, floating, amorphous, invisible—but I’m gonna barrel on anyway.

//

National Geographic Documentary Films

It is sort of impossible to talk about guys with death wishes in film in the year 2018 without talking about Free Solo. The rock climbing documentary, directed by Jimmy Chin and Elizabeth Chai Vasarhelyi, centers around 31-year-old rock climber Alex Honnold as he attempts to solo El Capitan in Yosemite National Park. Apologies for all of the proper nouns. Free soloing, for those unfamiliar, as I was before I saw this documentary, is a lone ascent up a rock face with no ropes. To phrase it so formally feels like a disservice. The dude climbs up cliffs with nothing.

//

(Let me tell you a non-secret: Men are insane!)

//

The plot of Mission: Impossible — Fallout is both incoherent and deceptively straightforward. An attempt to procure three plutonium cores before they are sold to a terrorist organization called the Apostles is, easily put, botched. In lieu of letting his teammate Luther (Ving Rhames) die, Ethan Hunt lets these cores get into the hands of the Apostles. The rest of the film (where twists and turns abound, of course) is a mad dash across the globe to get these cores back so the Apostles don’t use them to make nuclear bombs. Simple enough, right? That Ethan let the bombs get into the hands of terrorists rather than lose a member of his team haunts him throughout the film, and this mistake (if you consider it one) pushes him to greater and greater heights—both physically and emotionally—to make up for what he’s done.

Alan Hunley (Alec Baldwin), Hunt’s handler, as he sends Hunt on his mission, tells him: “Some flaw deep in your core being simply won’t allow you to choose between one life and millions. Now you see that as a sign of weakness. To me, that’s your greatest strength.” It’s said appraisingly of Hunt, but it doesn’t feel entirely accurate. Hunt is constantly choosing millions over the one life—the life in most cases just isn’t that of his teammates, but himself. The extent and frequency at which Hunt puts his life on the line is wildly irresponsible. Before you tell me that’s the premise of the franchise, trust me, I’m aware that’s the premise of the franchise. But in Fallout, the structure feels changed, altered. There’s a tragic undercurrent. He has to keep going. He’s not trying to die, but it’s also the job.

//

Jimmy Kimmel, in speaking to Henry Cavill on the press tour for the film said, “I was getting angry watching [Cruise] do these stunts in this movie because it seems just irresponsible at this point.” Moments later: “Is he nuts? Is he out of his mind? Does he have a death wish?”

“You know what,” Cavill says, only half-certain (no matter what his jawline tricks you into thinking about his tone of voice), “you would assume so…”

“Yes!”

“But he doesn’t,” Cavill explains, before elaborating how good Cruise is at these stunts, which, if I’m being totally honest, seems entirely besides the point.

//

Free Solo is not, if you can believe me, “about” death; it’s about perfection. I know, I know: it’s easy to look at someone climbing up a cliff and decide they’re doing it because they want to die. Tommy Caldwell, Honnold’s friend and something of a mentor to him, explains: “Imagine an Olympic gold medal-level athletic achievement that if you don’t get that gold medal, you’re gonna die. That’s pretty much what free soloing El Cap is like. You have to do it perfectly.”

Part of what makes Free Solo such a compelling watch is that it dives so thoroughly into Honnold’s training process for soloing El Cap. Day after day, he gets up onto the rock, practicing sequences (“pitches”) over and over again until they don’t seem quite as scary. Except, obviously, they’re still extremely scary. It’s still a 3,000-foot vertical ascent with no sense of security whatsoever. Honnold says to the camera, “[T]here’s a satisfaction in challenging yourself and doing something well. That feeling is heightened when you’re for sure facing death. You can’t make a mistake. If you’re seeking perfection, free soloing is as close as you can get. And it does feel good to feel perfect. Like for a brief moment.”

//

Maybe you know this, maybe you don’t: Tom Cruise broke his ankle filming Mission: Impossible — Fallout. The footage, or a fraction of it, makes it into the finished movie. Hunt is running along a series of rooftops in central London, leaping across alleyways with all of the grace of a big cat, until he misses the mark for one, slams his body against the edge of the wall. He eases himself up over the ledge and hobbles ahead on a shattered ankle. Hunt trucks along, as does Cruise. For a moment, they’re one and the same. A man determined, grimacing, pushing forward.

//

I read tweets all the time that talk about the loose fascination we all seem to have with threatening to die or promising to die or saying we want to die. I’m generalizing. Your feed could be a lot brighter than mine. Regardless, it’s tough to not feel like we exist on the precipice of the apocalypse, if not already somewhat submerged in it. (If nothing else, the end of the world is fucking boring.) And to be flippant about death gives us, maybe, maybe!, a sense of control. Yet, I don’t think the political/economical/environmental circumstances are the same as flattening the language we use around death these days. I’m forced to quote Honnold in Free Solo and echo: “Look, I don’t want to fall off and die either.” We don’t joke about this because we want it, really. He doesn’t. I don’t. It’s just that it feels so unavoidable that there are fewer and fewer ways to react. The inevitability of death feels unavoidable and unfair and helpless and horrible, so why not come face to face with it? Even for a second?

//

Walker punches Ethan Hunt in the face. “Why won’t you just die?” he spits.

//

I have done about as much as I can do this year to not take care of myself. I mean this more emotionally than physically. Well, physically too. It was the year of no sleep or too much sleep, no food or too much food. I thought giving up an air conditioner would be a sign of physical strength, and I wound up with a heat rash. And in a recklessness that I can only describe as “theoretically romantic yet profoundly irresponsible,” I only escalated this harmfulness in my personal life. I sent the one in the morning text. A few too many of them, to be honest. I dug up the bodies of relationships long gone and buried for good reason. No one I haven’t spoken to in three years should be able to make me cry, and yet—. It was the first year I can recall knowing there are people who no longer want to be in the same room as me. To appease my loneliness, I scrounged my past in search of answers. There will be clues, I figured, easter eggs, for why things were the way they were. Why I am the way I am. In the heat and humidity of my un-air-conditioned bedroom, I wondered if I had always been so doomed?

I told a friend about something stupid I wanted to do, something I thought would be “good,” in scare-quotes, because I really meant bad, and they said, “that would be compelling if you hadn’t already done that this year.” Another go on El Cap. Another entry in the franchise. These things do get repetitive sometimes.

//

The truly harrowing footage in Free Solo—and this is a bold claim to make about a movie that centers around a man alone on a cliff without a rope—are the interviews with those closest to Honnold trying their best to make sense of his drive to solo El Cap. Or solo, in general. His mother, his girlfriend, even the production crew for the film itself. Jimmy Chin, the director, explains as evenhandedly as one can, “It’s hard to not imagine your friend Alex soloing something that’s extremely dangerous and you’re making a film about it which might put undue pressure on him to do something,” and here, Chin’s hand simply lowers, “and him falling through the frame.”

The weight of gravity haunts the film, a spectre. An inevitability. Mikey Schaefer, a climber and cameraperson on Free Solo, spends the majority of Honnold’s climb with his back to the camera and his hands over his eyes. I was able to stomach the film without looking away, but I felt all the liquid in my body sweat out through my palms. Walking out of the theater, a friend (a different one, I have at least two friends) turned to me and said, “We’re gonna live to see Alex Honnold die, aren’t we?”

//

Tom Cruise laughs at the footage of his ankle breaking on Graham Norton as Simon Pegg looks away in fear and disgust. Look, he’s insane! Cruise, I mean. I know it! You know it! The movie is still good! Watching Cruise by which I mean Hunt but I really mean Cruise get up onto that broken ankle and run across London was exhilarating. Thrilling. In the theater, I remember laughing. It’s ridiculous, this impulse. I can’t think of another way to face it.

Later in Fallout, as Hunt mans a helicopter—a vehicle this character is not known to know how to pilot, and that Cruise learned how to fly in order to make this film—art imitates life: Benji (Simon Pegg) tells Ilsa Faust (Rebecca Ferguson), “I find it best not to look.”

//

It does not seem like a coincidence to me that men get the luxury of hurtling towards death with an unrelenting eagerness. Honnold’s girlfriend, Sanni McCandless, confronts him about his intent to solo El Capitan without telling her first.

“I want to have this more holistic approach,” McCandless says, “like you have where you’re like, ‘we’re all gonna die, might as well do what we want while we’re here and it’s okay when people die,’ but I feel like I want you to meet me halfway, and when you solo to take me into the equation.” Moments later she adds: “Would putting me into the equation actually ever change anything? Would you actually make decisions differently?”

“If I had some kind of obligation to maximize my lifespan, then yeah, obviously I would have to give up soloing,” Honnold tells her.

“Is me asking you—do you see that as an obligation?”

“Uh, no. No.” He’s confident. Certain. This is what remains so remarkable about Honnold. His steadfast commitment to risk and perfection. To placate McCandless he adds: “But I appreciate your concerns and I respect that, but I in no way feel obligated, no.”

“To maximize…your lifetime…?” she specifies.

“No,” he repeats.

//

What makes Fallout and Free Solo what they are is not death. It’s the spectatorship of death. It’s watching those around a person come to terms with what we all know is out there. Say what you will about Cruise, but we don’t want to see Ethan Hunt die. We want to see him succeed, we want him to achieve perfection. Mission accomplished, etc. And Honnold, too, is humanized in Free Solo. Easy, as I did earlier, to chalk him up to being a psychopath, but like so many other things, it’s much more complicated than that. “If I perish, it doesn’t matter, that’s not that big a deal,” he says. But Free Solo proves otherwise. It would be a big deal. It would ripple throughout the lives of his family, his friends, his charity work, the world.

Hunt, too, does not throw himself at assassins in French bathrooms for the hell of it. It’s so the world can keep spinning. The sun rises on Ethan Hunt and his teammates in a valley in Kashmir. “How close were we?” Benji asks. Hunt shrugs. “The usual.” Then he laughs.

Honnold too, reflects on his proximity to death, shifts uncomfortably. “Maybe that’s a little too callous,” he murmurs, looking away.

I type “kms” then delete it quickly. “Haha, sucks,” I write instead. Is this profound? I have no idea. Together, sometimes, even briefly, we soften.

from All Content http://bit.ly/2SSwIUc

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 6th January 2019

The twelve pop songs that weren’t Christmas are all in the top 13 along with a new arrival, so, yeah, essentially this week is the same as last week without a holiday. Everything that was below the top 40 just came back in spades, hence...

Returning Entries

There’s a ton. Let’s get all of the returning entries and drop-outs in our first, very busy week of 2019, done first. Let’s go, starting from what’s at the top to what’s at the bottom. “Hold My Girl” by George Ezra is back at #14, “Baby” by Clean Bandit, Marina and Luis Fonsi is back at #15, “This is Me” by Keala Settle and The Greatest Showman Ensemble is back at #16, “A Million Dreams” by P!nk is back at #17, “Woman Like Me” by Little Mix featuring Nicki Minaj is back at #18, “imagine” by Ariana Grande is back at #20, “Promises” by Calvin Harris and Sam Smith is back at #21, “Going Bad” by Meek Mill and Drake is back at #22, “Let You Love Me” by Rita Ora is back at #23, “Shallow” by Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper is at #24, “The Greatest Show” by Hugh Jackman, Keala Settle, Zac Efron, Zendaya and the Greatest Showman Ensemble returns to #25 (this was the first song I ever reviewed on this series so it’s crazy to see it back pretty much exactly a year later), “Happier” by Marshmello and Bastille is back to #26, “Advice” by Cadet and Deno Driz is at #27, “Mo Bamba” by Sheck Wes is at #28 (and while I’m at it, “SICKO MODE” by Travis Scott featuring Drake, Swae Lee and Big Hawk is back at #33), “Eastside” by benny blanco, Halsey and Khalid is at #29, “A Million Dreams” by Ziv Zaifman, Hugh Jackman and Michelle Williams comes back to #30, “Leave a Light On” by Tom Walker lights up at #31, “KIKA” by 6ix9ine featuring Tory Lanez jumps back to #32, “Girls Like You” by Maroon 5 featuring Cardi B rears its ugly head at #34, “One Kiss” by Calvin Harris and Dua Lipa, the biggest song of the year in the UK (yes, the year-end has been released, and I’ll rank it on my Twitter), “Funky Friday” by Dave and Fredo is at #38 (that one’s growing on me too...), “Body” by Loud Luxury and brando is at #39, and “Perfect” by Ed Sheeran rounds off the Top 40. Well, since all of these have had their own reviews on this series before, I might leave links on each song to where they’ve been reviewed or something, although my opinions have already changed. Oh, “Perfect” and “Mo Bamba” don’t have proper reviews yet but it’ll be redundant doing it now because I’ll just be covering them more in-depth on my best list anyway (sorry, spoilers). Now...

Dropouts

Oh, my goodness. Okay, so, every single Christmas song is out. “All I Want for Christmas for You” by Mariah Carey from #2, “Last Christmas” by WHAM! from #3, “Fairytale of New York” by the Pogues featuring Kirsty MacColl from #4, “Do They Know it’s Christmas?” by Band Aid from #6, “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot like Christmas” by Michael Bublé from #7, “One More Sleep” by Leona Lewis from #8, “Merry Christmas Everyone” by Shakin’ Stevens from #9, “Step into Christmas” by Elton John from #10, and the episode’s already half of a 1,000 words. Listen, sorry about all the changes in structure with the series, especially in this episode, but I asked on Twitter if you would rather have me review more songs and not bother with anything else, and no, it was decided by 80% to continue with the standard format in the poll, so, yeah, I guess I’ll have to do it like this for another year. Anyways, back to this nonsense. “Driving Home for Christmas” by Chris Rea is out from #11, “I Wish it Could be Christmas Everyday” by Wizzard from #12, “Santa Tell Me” by Ariana Grande from #13, “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” by Brenda Lee from #16, “Merry Xmas Everybody” by Slade from #17, “Happy Xmas (War is Over)” by John Lennon, Yoko Ono and the Plastic Ono Band featuring the Harlem Community Choir from #18 (God, that is a chore to type every week), “Wonderful Christmastime” by Paul McCartney from #20 – may you rest in peace, you gorgeous novelty – “We Built this City on Sausage Rolls” by LadBaby from #21, “Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)” by Darlene Love from #22, “Cozy Little Christmas” by Katy Perry from #23, “Santa’s Coming for Us” by Sia from #24, “Mary’s Boy Child / Oh My Lord” by Boney M. from #26, “Mistletoe” by Justin Bieber from #28, “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” by Andy Williams from #29, “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” by Jackson 5 from #30, “White Christmas” by Bing Crosby from #31, “Stay Another Day” by East 17 from #36 – still not a Christmas song – “Underneath the Tree” by Kelly Clarkson from #37, “Lonely this Christmas” by Mud from #38, and finally, “Baby it’s Cold Outside” by Idina Menzel and Michael Bublé is out from #39. That felt oddly therapeutic.

Now, there’s not a single song that fell this week, obviously, but there are a few that climbed outside of the Top 10, and they’re all rebounds from the avalanche.

Climbers

“Without Me” by Halsey is up three spots to #11, “Lost Without You” by Freya Ridings is up 20 spaces to #12, and finally, “Thursday” by Jess Glynne is up a whopping 27 positions to #13. Now, with the chart finally rid of those pesky Christmas songs, welcome to 2019, everyone, and this is the state of British pop as the year turns around.

Top 10

“Sweet but Psycho” by Ava Max is spending its second week at #1 today, which is cool, I guess, but i don’t imagine it holding on for that long.

Ariana Grande’s “thank u, next” is up three spaces from last week to number-two, but now we’ve got some massive jumps from scattered within the top 40 straight to the top 10.

“Sunflower” by Post Malone and Swae Lee from Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse is up 16 positions to number-three.

At number-four, we have an 11-space increase for Mark Ronson and Miley Cyrus’ “Nothing Breaks Like a Heart”.

Finally, in what feels like ages, we have a top 5 debut, with Post Malone having his ninth top 40 hit and sixth top 10 hit this week, as his new song “Wow.” enters at #5. We’ll talk about it at length later on.

At number-six, Lord help us, we have “Baby Shark” by Pinkfong up 21 spaces from last week. This is the best proof we’ve had since Mr. Blobby that the charts are ran by children.

“Shotgun” by George Ezra rebounds by 26 spots to number-seven for no good reason. Go away, please, for my own sanity.

Oh, joy, James Arthur too, with Anne-Marie for “Rewrite the Stars” up 17 spaces to number-eight.

Zara Larsson creeps her head into the top 10 as well after a 26-spot boost up to number-nine, making “Ruin My Life” her sixth top 10 hit in the UK.

Finally, Kodak Black’s “ZEZE” featuring Travis Scott and Offset is up an undeservedly high 24 places up to #10, rounding off our top 10 at way too many words for an episode that has yet to have any song reviews. I’ll try to keep them brief.

NEW ARRIVALS

#36 – “Gun Lean” – Russ

R-R-Russ? Huh... Never expected that name to ever pop up on here, to be honest. Russ seems to only be kind of big in the US but he’s never hit the top 40, and he’s pretty much just a running joke or meme in the hip hop community so I honestly never expected any Brits to take him seriously either but this is his new single, I guess, and it’s not great. It starts with a menacing piano line that could be kind of interesting but then Russ comes in with a British accent and—oh.

#36 – “Gun Lean” – Russ splash

BBC has called new UK rapper Russ splash “Russ” instead, but who really cares? He might as well be Russ because he doesn’t say anything of substance either, with a painfully simplistic hook and chorus that doesn’t really help his lyrical ability shine (if it exists). The heavy bass is obviously trying to be have that energetic old Lil Pump energy, but it doesn’t work when your song is three and a half minutes because this song is tiring as all hell. This is generic British rap that follows the formula to a T, and I hope it doesn’t rise. Speaking of following a formula...

#35 – “Money” – Cardi B

Sigh, I do like Cardi B, but she seems to have stopped bothering and that’s a big issue because that’s the main reason anyone liked her. It’s definitely not the lyrics and while it may be the beat, she always rides it with that loud, straightforward and powerful delivery she is known for, and when you stop trying in the booth, I feel like that appeal is going to squander, and this is her ninth top 40 hit in less than two years, so the fact that it’s going quick is an issue. Anyways, this is absolute garbage. The beats is literally like two piano notes just being violently played under trap percussion and bass, with a recurring high-pitched “Money” ad-lib that is trying to break up the monotony but, no, it’s just annoying. Cardi B sounds more ruthless on the verses, which may actually be kind of unfitting, but it works, although then she gets bored on the chorus. In fact, the transition is actually pretty abrupt and forced here. At least it’s shorter and has a few good flow switches, so it’s definitely better than “Gun Lean” in that respect, but that doesn’t mean it’s good.

#19 – “Play” – Jax Jones featuring Years & Years

This is listed as a returning entry on BBC’s UK Top 40 page but this came out last year and I never reviewed so it’s safe to assume it’s new; I apologise if it isn’t, but I mean, would you care? The lead singer from Years & Years keeps up with a tiring atmospheric house beat, with meaningless lyrics and weak, radio-friendly drops that kind of take away its EDM properties immediately, I mean, the hook here isn’t that crazy of a vocal manipulation either like “One Kiss” or “Solo”, it’s just a pretty comprehensible phrase repeated and edited to sound a tad more distant. It’s so weak and pathetic, although the dude from Years & Years is trying so hard to fit on this beat, it’s kind of funny in that regard. Otherwise, yeah, who cares?

#5 – “Wow.” – Post Malone

Let me put it this way: my sister loves Post Malone for many reasons, one of which being his music, and she’s consistently loved a lot of what I’ve hated from Post like “I Fall Apart” (which is still a gruelling and confusing song to this day, read my worst list if you want to see me go into depth), but not even she could dig this, but I think I know why – she took it seriously. The tuneless keys is the only real build-up we get until Post comes in and there’s a cool noisy melody that ends with a high-pitched screech, and yeah, it’s a pretty awesomely minimal and menacing beat, so surely Post should add a lot to this... well, he literally has a whole line that is just “G-Wagon, G-Wagon, G-Wagon, G-Wagon”, but otherwise his delivery is on-point (I love his voice right at the end at the second verse), his flows are catchy, his lyrics are serviceable and sometimes pretty funny, and every single beat drop here is beautiful, seriously, that’s some perfect production from Frank Dukes and Louis Bell. After Post stops rapping, there’s a period of time where it’s just the distorted melody over some reverb-drowned drums with a chipmunk vocal coming in and him just ad-libbing “wow”, and it’s stunning. It’s not going to replace Beck’s song of the same title and in the same vein (seriously, it’s a trap-rap song too), but this is cool.

Conclusion

This week was mostly trap, huh? Well, Post Malone gets Best of the Week for “Wow.” but Russ splash is definitely bagging Worst of the Week for the dreadful “Gun Lean”. Dishonourable Mention is tied, and goes to Jax Jones, Years & Years and Cardi B for “Play” and “Money”, respectively. Not  a great start, guys. See you next week!

n