#but we probably have a similar level of understanding of what goes into dog food

[fjordfolk]

i was a little short with a pet store employee today and i feel a teeny bit bad about it but also: when i've rejected assistance, they've watched me read the back of 2-3 different bags of dog food and settled on one, and they've asked if i need anything and i've said no - i appreciate what they're going for, but when i get to the register and they start probing me on what breed of dog i have and what i've been feeding them until now and try to explain to me what is in the food that i am trying to buy (with money) i feel like i'm allowed to look them in the eye and say "yes. i know :)"

[fallowdoe]

Human Pets

Uniting the realms is a tricky task - part 1, part 2, part 3

TW!! Mention of dubious consent, suicide, dehumanization, cruel treatment of humans and some minor spoilers for the chats in the early stages of the game

I've been thinking about how the sense of purpose in one's life is what seems to be the main drive in our lives. Being put in a restrained and somewhat hedonistic mindset can drive you away from the purpose in your life and mess with your head.

I think the main topic here is to first point out what is the general attitude towards human pets in the devildom. The first thing that comes to your mind might be "HA! Kinky!" but I like to headcanon it as a much more elaborate topic. As I mentioned in previous instalments in this series, to a common demon a human is nothing more than a lower form of being. While human kink is probably a popular thing since the beginning of the exchange program, the idea of human pets is more of an everyday domestic business topic. Even the lifespan ratio is similar to our pets.

Because, besides being food, humans are just exotic high-maintenance pets. Excluding the ones that have to be treated more seriously because of their power, of course, the thought of collaring a talking, fully conscious dog might make you question whether should you be collaring any dogs at all, hence why no one even considers trying to, let's call it, domesticate, for example, Solomon or Maddi.

It's something like having a monkey. Not everyone can afford it, they require a lot of time, money and attention after all. I bet there is a ton of demon influencers whose content revolves around their human pets.

With how much goes into caring for such a pet there are probably official breeders, honestly, I don't think it would be possible to reach the desired level of obedience and mindlessness with a human who wasn't raised like this from the start. Some more experienced raisers would probably start working with their pets as soon as the babies can be taken away from their mothers. Less invested and regular owners would probably buy off already trained and grown pets.

It is deemed extremely unprofessional and needlessly cruel to try and tame unwilling grown humans. They tried it a million times and it never worked, even if some demons managed to make it quite far, there was still a giant difference between those raised to be pets and the previously free ones. At some point, there were probably laws made to regulate it better, but I doubt it was ever taken seriously. While snatching a random human was a cheaper service than buying one designated to be a pet, no one wants to do that anymore since it's just inconvenient and more trouble than it's worth.

So, what does a human pet need? A doctor, or should we say a vet? That's a whole different profession that requires a lot of education and experience. Early in the game we receive a chat about some medical exams MC was appointed to, I like to think that secretly, tho we know what are the boys like with secrets, they got us one of the famed human vets. The whole appointment would be like a childhood flashback since the doctor would probably only talk about the results with Lucifer and Diavolo. We might even get some candy for being well behaved. lol

The general attitude towards those pets wouldn't stray too far from how we perceive domesticated animals. They're cute and entertaining, some care more for them, some dislike them and treat them poorly, but an average demon wouldn't mistreat them for no reason, a regular human is a whole different story, but these are special for a reason.

When it comes to exactly how conscious are they I think that they're not entirely mindless and stupid, since a human's charm is their mind. I imagine they're taught the basics, maybe how to write, read, some basic math. They can communicate on a decent level and are capable of more complex ideas such as understanding art. They're however missing the sense of purpose which puts them in a lazy and ambitionless state of mind.

A good owner would definitely gain the love and trust of their pet and just like for us abusing your pets is a no-no, for demons, it's also deemed as socially unacceptable. If you're living like this, with all of your needs fulfilled and with someone caring for you, you don't really need the sense of higher purpose and can just succumb your mind entirely to this hedonistic lifestyle, thus why the pets don't seek freedom, most of them wouldn't even be able to imagine or comprehend such an idea.

Now what everyone's been waiting for: SEX! I headcanon that most owners do have sexual relationships with their pets, this is where we stray from the similarities between human and demon pet owners. There is a big difference between regular and human pets. Human pet, arguably, tho this is my headcanon, has the necessary mind resources to understand what is consent and, well, consent. Because why wouldn't they tho? As mentioned before, they live a hedonistic lifestyle, and being raised in the devildom they recognize their sexual needs as basic, without the religious and cultural stigma around it's deemed as something completely casual. While some owners abuse their power over them, again, most are attentive and wouldn't harm their pets.

Human-demon pregnancies are very rare and in this specific case very unwanted, thankfully devildom has a ton of contraceptive spells for such situations, I can even imagine some permanent spells being placed on the pets that would make it impossible to successfully mate with a demon.

In general, an average human pet is a simple-minded creature, living a content life within its owners care. In many cases, of course, they aren't so lucky and end up being abused, just like in our world, there is a ton of rescued pets or even cases of suicide. But overall, it's not a terrible life to be born into, it's purposeless and devoid of deeper meaning, but for some, it's enough.

Now about the present day. Since Diavolo started working towards his goal, he had to do something about this. Imagine how awkward and uneasy would be trying to explain this whole concept to a regular human, let alone one you've suddenly brought to your domain. Solomon must've been aware of this previously, but MC would be forced to face an existential crisis every time they encounter a mention of it. It is impossible to make it all disappear so quickly. I imagine that slowly new regulations would be put in place, and Diavolo would slowly work towards eliminating the breeding, and simply wait for all of the pets to die off naturally since they would never be able to live an independent lifestyle. Before bringing MC to the Devildom the regulations regarding public spaces would be made, no ads, no offers, nothing that would make Devildom seem too extreme for humans to have political relations with.

When Diavolo brings MC to the devildom their task isn't really only to represent the more mundane part of humanity, but in reality to convince its citizens that humans aren't silly little pets and deserve to be seen as more or less equal.

But first, the most important would be to convince everyone at RAD, the brothers, and ultimately himself that MC is just as complex as they are. I can imagine that Diavolo absolutely would have had human pets in the past. He would make the distinction between magical humans who are not to be messed with and the regular humans, but MC is just a fragile, cute and defenceless creature. He tries his hardest from the start not to let his old habits show, but especially at the beginning of the program, he did tend to randomly pet MC or baby them too much.

The brothers must've been struggling too, being told to treat this random human-like their equal. Those who have contact with humans probably struggled less, I think Asmo, Satan and Levi would be the ones to look over their prejudices the quickest. Mammon might struggle since being assigned MC's guardian does kinda feel like being given a pet to look after. Belphie had to treat them normally to convince them to help them and Beel probably was focused more on trying to not treat them as a meal.  Lucifer would struggle the most, he already had so much work because of this whole exchange and now it was being expected of him to treat this little troublesome human-like it's equal to him, the literal avatar of pride. I think at the beginning of the exchange it would show that whenever they were somewhere in public he would try to play it as if they were his pet, since as I mentioned it is a matter of social status.

In general, the brother would probably at first treat MC pet-like. Watching what they eat so they don't poison themselves. Having to treat all of their injuries, in general watching after all of their needs. Think of how Asmo is since MC's first days in the Devildom buying them clothes and offering to help them with self-care, or how often do the brothers check in with us even if nothing happened. Before they can be captivated by the real MC it looks like they are just a cute little human they got assigned to care for and they treat MC as such.

I wanted to elaborate on how some creeps are fantasizing about making Diavolo's precious exchange student their pet, but I think it goes into the next instalment in the series which will be about demons with human kinks.

[dogtraintips]

Puppy Needs New Food!

Here are the most critical things to look for when shopping for your puppy's food.

Michael Pollan, author of the best-selling books on diet The Omnivore’s Dilemma, In Defense of Food, and Food Rules, once came up with the world’s most succinct guide for a healthy human diet: “Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants.”

If only we could come up with something that simple for puppies! The advice could start in a very similar fashion: “Feed food. Not too much….” But in order for the slogan to be nutritionally sound, the next part would be far too complicated to put on a book cover or tote bag: “Mostly quality sources of animal protein, delivered at adequate levels. Same goes for fat. Not too much calcium, but enough, depending on the expected adult size of the puppy . . . .” 

There’s more, but you get the idea. There are a lot of factors that have to be carefully considered when feeding puppies – that is, if you want them to grow into healthy and sound adult dogs.

On the other hand, I don’t want to scare anyone; feeding puppies isn’t rocket science. But there are a few little details that you need to attend to in order to make sure your pup grows at an appropriate rate – things that aren’t as critical with an adult dog. 

STANDARD ISSUE

The differences between the nutrient requirements for puppies and those for adult dogs are laid out in tables developed by the Association of American Feed Control Officials (AAFCO); these are called the AAFCO Dog Food Nutrient Profiles, and they include the standards for what comprises the legal definition of “complete and balanced” diets for dogs. One lists the nutrient levels required for the “maintenance” of adult dogs only; the other lists the nutrient levels that meet the needs of breeding animals, pregnant or nursing females, and growing puppies. The latter is often referred to as the “growth and reproduction” nutrient profile.

These tables differ in notable ways. Puppies need higher amounts of protein (including higher amounts of many specific amino acids that contribute to the food’s total protein), fat, calcium, phosphorus, and several other minerals than the amounts needed by adult dogs. This is why you must make sure that the food you buy for your puppy (any dog less than a year old) is formulated to meet the standards for complete and balanced nutrition for growth.

Often, dog food labels say that the food contained in the package meets the standards for dogs “of all life stages.” This implicitly includes puppies. If a food is labeled as either meeting the nutrient levels or passing a feeding trial for dogs of “all life stages,” it has to meet the “growth” requirements. 

Often – but not always – food that is formulated to meet the needs of puppies has the word “puppy” in the name of the food. Again, if the label indicates that it’s “complete and balanced for dogs of all life stages,” it has met the AAFCO standards for growth (puppies). But if the label says it is “complete and balanced for adult maintenance,” it is not suitable for puppies. 

Where will you find this information? This is where things get weird: This statement is the most important thing to check on the label of your puppy’s food, and I will almost guarantee that it will be printed on the bag or can in teeny, tiny type. Scan the label carefully for the words “AAFCO Nutrient Profiles” or “AAFCO Feeding Trial.” The block of text containing one of these phrases will probably appear on the back or even the side of the package, and it will reference either “growth” (great!), “dogs of all life stages” (super!), or “adult maintenance” (womp, womp, no!). 

CHECK THE SIZE

All puppy foods used to be formulated to meet the same nutrient standards. In recent years, however, animal nutrition experts came to understand that large-breed puppies should receive less calcium than puppies of smaller breeds to prevent their bones from growing too quickly. Excessively fast growth can result in the development of bone and joint abnormalities in large-breed puppies. So, in 2016, AAFCO began to require food makers to explicitly state whether their products contained calcium at an appropriate level for large breed puppies (defined as those pups expected to reach an adult weight of more than 70 pounds). 

If the AAFCO statement says the food is for growth/all life stages “including growth of large-size dogs (70 pounds or more as an adult),” it is safe to feed to large breed pups. 

If the statement says the food is for growth/all life stages “except for growth of large-size dogs (70 pounds or more as an adult),” it should not be fed to large-breed puppies. 

To be safe, if you have a large-breed puppy, or a mixed-breed pup who looks like he may grow to more than 50 or 60 pounds, you should choose foods with the “including growth of large-size dogs” statement. Smaller-breed puppies can be safely fed foods with either statement.

OUR USUAL CRITERIA

Once you are confident that you can identify foods that are appropriate for puppies of the size you expect your pup to be, you can search among those products for diets that meet our usual selection criteria (listed in the box below) and that are in your price range. 

Check the protein and fat content of the food you are feeding your pup right now. If his weight and energy are good, try to buy only those foods that contain similar levels of protein and fat. Be aware that these levels range widely. If you start feeding him a product with double or half the protein or fat content of the food you are giving him now, you will see changes in him; his appetite, weight, stool quality, and/or energy may be affected.

Finally, don’t be afraid to try different foods. Pet food companies want to win your loyalty, but the fact is, variety is actually good for your puppy. The more you change foods, the more accustomed his digestive tract will become to a wide variety of ingredients. Also, because each manufacturer’s products contain different levels of each required nutrient (within the AAFCO specifications), by routinely switching products, you are sure to provide “balance over time” and prevent him from suffering ill effects of any potentially excessive or deficient nutrient levels. 

LEARN MORE CLICK HERE

[ordinaryschmuck]

What I Thought About “Separate Tides” from The Owl House

Salutations, random people on the internet who most likely won’t read this! I am an Ordinary Schmuck. I write stories and reviews and draw comics and cartoons.

...>A-hem< F**KING CALLED IT!

I said that the earliest that The Owl House would return would be late June and early July. And some of YYYOOOUUU sons of witches doubted me by saying it would be fall or winter. Well, guess what! "Separate Tides'' has come and gone, the show is back and better than ever, and we are all happy about it! You see how it pays to be optimistic, you persistent PACK OF PESSIMISTS!

...Sorry. Got a little hot there. I'm just so happy it's BACK!

10 MONTHS! It's been nearly 10 months since this show began its hiatus, large in part because of the pandemic. It was painful. BOY, was it painful. But I can already tell that the new season is going to be well worth the wait just by this episode alone.

But beware you mangey sea dogs! Thar be spoilers ahead when discussing such a premier.

And I swear to you that it's only spoilers for "Separate Tides." I haven't seen "Escaping Expulsion" either, and I promise you will be safe from anybody ruining it for you. But maybe don't read any responses from this post. Thar may be d**ks in these waters. So let's review, shall we!

WHAT I LIKE

Mirroring Season One’s Opening Scene: First off, this is a neat callback to what is the perfect first impression of the series. That scene perfectly introduces us to the type of show The Owl House is, while this one acts as a reintroduction to the world we left for way too long.

Second, this is also a well-hidden character moment. Luz is finally living the life she dreamed of, but it isn't exactly all that she expected. It's a great showcase that despite literally running away to a fantasy world, Luz is still getting a regular dose of reality. And I still love the irony in all of that.

(Plus, King eating the bounty is just funny).

The Recap Recording: This is a smart way to recap events from the season finale. It might be weird that Luz says things that the audience already knows, but she's not talking to us. She's talking to her mom. So she's going to explain all that she can in a way for Camila to fully understand. Besides, not every fan had repeatedly watched The Owl House Season One over and over again like a bunch of frickin' lunatics...You know who you are.

Plus, as an upside, Luz gets to explain new events and concepts for how she and the rest of the Owl House are making a living. In no way does it feel like forced exposition because, again, she's trying to describe as much as she can to her mother. It's a reasonable and natural way to talk to the audience in order to catch them up while also showing what's been happening since we've last left this show.

Luz Can’t Send Texts to Her Mom: ...Well, Texts to Home, it was fun while it lasted, but the current canon has decided that you're done. I'll miss you and appreciate all that you've done for me, but, yeah, this is the end. Sorry.

Alright, now that I got my jokes out of the way, allow me to explain how this is really a heartbreaking moment. Because the fact that Luz is forever cut off from her mother, even through texts, is an idea that just twists the knife in your heart when you really sit down to think about it. Luz's little goodbye at the end of her video does nothing but makes it worse.

On the upside, we get some solid character development as Luz doesn't even hesitate to send the video to Camila, learning her lesson from "Enchanted Grom Fright" about being more honest. She finally faced her fear, even if it was a fruitless effort.

They’re Doing Odd Jobs Now: This is a smart workaround for how the Owl House residents are making money. Some fans guessed that maybe Eda had so much junk piled up that they wouldn’t worry, but this seems more of a logical direction. Even if Eda had enough garbage to sell, she’ll can and will eventually run out at some point, meaning that they will all have to take the odd jobs anyway. So I appreciate the writers used that plot point sooner rather than later, as a fun romp as bounty hunters is something you want to do early in the season instead of later on. Especially with how Dana Terrace confirmed that s**t’s gonna go down in the future.

Lilith: ...I'm still willing to hold off--What the f**k did I say his name was? *looks up past review* Frederick Ulis--Frederick Ulisinsburg!

I am willing to hold off Frederick Ulisinsburg, for now, because Lilith is...sort of on the right track. I mean, I don't like how quick she was to playfully mock Eda or rudely yell at Hooty. But I do think that there is potential for her character. She feels genuine guilt for what she's done, and there's a chance that the new season will explore that further if the writers are smart (which they are). On top of that, there's a possibility that every time Lilith tries to act cocky or full of herself, she will be treated as a proverbial punching bag because of it. Like how her poster got burned down after boasting how impressive she looks. Or how Golden Guard's poster magically sealed itself to her face when Lilith tried to throw it away. It's the latter that primarily got me cackling like a madman due to how deservingly hilarious it was.

And, well...she happily clapped like a schoolgirl! Which was adorable! I can't hate characters who have the potential to be adorable! It's not in my nature!

So, while I am a little hesitant in liking her, I think there's a chance for improvement in her character in the future that I look forward to. We just have to wait and see if the writers pull it off.

(By the way, to the person that came up with Lilith wearing a "battery low" shirt...you're a genius in visual gags/storytelling.)

Greg’s List: Have I ever mentioned that this show is funny?

Who's Greg? Why does he organize a list of perfect bounties?

I don't know, but the idea of some random person in the Boiling Isles is putting it on himself to set up a list to make bounties...I'm sorry, but that's funny to me. It's also probably for how Craig's List was made, but when you really think about it, Craig's List is a funny idea as well.

Eda Isn’t Feared Anymore: I sort of guessed that this would happen, but seeing it is a whole different level of sympathy to feel for the character. Eda's main schtick was being the most powerful witch on the Isles, and that's gone now. She's forced to adapt to this new normal, which she's quick to do, but still. Tt's got to be a rough kick to the ego now that no one even cares about who she is anymore.

It's a low moment for her character that hopefully sets up her own arc for the rest of the season.

Luz Feels Like She’s a Burden: I will demolish her with love and kindness if she even CONSIDERS talking so poorly about herself again! Because Luz is not a burden. She is a beam of light that literally brightens up the lives of nearly everyone she meets. Eda already explains how her life is better because of Luz (through a heart-tugging speech that almost got to me, by the way), but it's not just Eda.

King now has his first real friend who admires him and treats him like the king he wants to be.

Willow has become much more confident and cheerful because Luz was always in her corner.

Gus learns more about the humans he appreciates with his whole heart while also having a friend that treats him like an equal rather than a kid.

And do I even have to say ANYTHING about Amity?

The Boiling Isles wouldn't be better off without Luz. It's better because of her. And shame on this girl for thinking otherwise...even though I fully understand where she's coming from.

I'm about to get personal for a second, so strap in. Because I am a twenty-somthing-year-old who is currently living with his mom. It's as pathetic as it sounds. But it's because I'm still attending college, and she says school comes first and jobs and apartments come second. Despite that, I feel like trash for just...living here as she still takes care of me and pays for the food I can't afford. She says that I shouldn't worry about it, but I still wait for the day I can finally pay her back for everything. Not some things, but everything. And that's Luz's mentality in this episode. The overwhelming guilt she's feeling for thinking she's inconveniencing Eda's life is something that hits really hard for me. It doesn't matter if it's true, but that she believes it's true. It's a heartbreaking character arc she's forced into for this episode that also adds more to why she's one of the many characters I heavily relate to.

Lulu and Hootstipher: Whoever thought of this idea...I f**king love you.

This is similar to when Noah and Owen became friends in Total Drama World Tour. Seemingly one-sided at first, you see a cute friendship that you would have never expected, but it works! Hooty is this happy and naive character who hardly understands what's going on half the time, and Lilith is...Lilith. Their chemistry is instantly fun as their dynamic is quick to understand.

This also shines with potential for character growth, for it could give Lilith a chance to be more caring and Hooty a chance to be more than just the comic relief. If you were to tell me that this is what was going to happen when the season premiered, I would have thought you were crazy. But now, after seeing it in action, I'm genuinely excited to see where this cute friendship between these two goes.

(As long as it doesn't involve fans shipping them. Because Hooty can do better)

Luz Getting Better with Her Magic: Our little bisexual princess is growing up! And, man, is it awesome to see. Luz going from just barely knowing how to do magic to full-on using her spells like second nature just warms my heart with all the character growth it presents. Now, some people might want an explanation for how she's able to do said spells, to which I say: "Who the f**k cares?"

If you ask me, Luz's magic is one of those things that doesn't need a direct answer because it doesn't matter as much. But if you're going to be a baby about it, here's what I can offer: As far as I can tell, it's equal parts having the glyph and mentally picturing what the spell should do. It's much like how Willow draws a spell circle and can either make giant jungle vines or a patch of flowers to land on. Luz's glyphs are her own spell circles. As long as she concentrates hard enough, she can make the glyph do whatever she wants it to.

There. You have your explanation. Now let's just all appreciate the fact that Luz can now throw fireballs and make vine whips like the superpowered teenager she most likely fantasized of being. Ok? Ok.

A Pirate Losing His Head...Literally: ...And I'm gonna go ahead and add that to the list.

I mean, for f**k's sake, WE SEE BONE! He puts his head back on, but we still see the bone!

Eda in a Pirate Outfit: ...That is all.

The Golden Guard: This guy shows up for only a few minutes, and I'm already beginning to like him. He seems just as threatening as Belos while also coming across as a guy who loves his job and being a ton of fun to watch because of it. I adore villains that find that balance of being funny and terrifying. The result is a character who makes me laugh on top of making me scared of what they could do to our protagonists. So far, that's the Golden Guard in a nutshell, and I can't wait to see what the rest of the season has in store with him. Whether it involves seeing him play with food as he did with Eda and Luz in this episode or seeing him getting kicked in the crotch like a little punk like him deserves, I am all for it.

(Bonus points if it's Amity who does the crotch kicking if he ever makes an advancement on Luz)

Eda Wanting to Protect the Selkidomus: I love this. It plays into the idea that Eda cares about things being wild and free and despises how Emperor Belos would want to control everything, including the most insignificant of animals. It shows just how kind Eda really is rather than someone motivated by greed...even if she does end up filthy rich in the end.

Emperor Belos’ Brief Cameo: Yup, still terrifying!

And if it turns out that Belos can see the Scrying Potion that Lilith made...we're going to have some problems.

Much like the actual problems that I have with this episode!

(Like that transition?)

WHAT I DISLIKE

King Being Stupid: King has two different personalities in this series. Either he's a pathetic wannabe ruler who seems intelligent or an idiotic Disney comedic sidekick. That latter version of King is what we get in "Separate Tides," and I don't like it (obviously). I don't care how cute it is to see him cling onto Luz's leg and exclaim how he won't let her leave. The same character who helped Luz break into a prison to save Eda shouldn't be the same one who falls asleep when a sheet covers him like a dumbass parrot! King's at his best when he's as intelligent as the rest of the characters. And not as dumb as someone like Hooty.

Eda Being Too Nice Around Lilith: This one bothers me the most. After being cursed for thirty years and having her life ruined by the person she thought she could trust the most, Eda is still all smiley and jokey when talking to Lilith. Yeah, sorry, but I don't buy that. No one in their right mind would be that cool with a person who did all of what Lilith did. It's a major misstep that squanders what could have been a fantastic overarching story of Eda learning to forgive her sister and Lilith trying to earn it. We'll at least get Lilith's guilt, but as is, I feel Eda showing genuine anger towards her would elevate that story by a lot.

IN CONCLUSION

But that's about all the bad things I have to say about "Separate Tides." As is, it is a well-earned, solid A of a season premiere. It introduces new concepts and characters I can't wait to see more of, continues old storylines and character development instead of ignoring them, and still proves that The Owl House is as charming and funny as it always was. Maybe the rest of the season could continue to be great, or maybe things might get worse. Time can only tell. For now, all I can tell you is that "Separate Tides" is a great and fun episode that makes me excited as we set sail to this new season.

(And Scared. Mostly scared)

[televisionrulesthenation]

S1E9 - “The Unwelcome Houseguest”

Original air date: November 21, 1961

Episode recap

Rob, Buddy and Sally are leaving the office, excited for a three-day weekend. Buddy mentions he and his wife, Pickles, are headed to Niagra Falls but don’t have anyone to watch their dog, Larry. He asks Rob. Rob says no because Laura wouldn’t like it. Buddy lays it on thick about having the dog around would be good for Richtie.

Back at home Laura and Richtie are in the kitchen discussing the potential for trip to a motel in Connecticut. Laura says it’s not settled until they run the plans by Rob. Meanwhile Rob enters the house with Larry, a German shepherd, walks into the living room and overhears Laura’s and Richtie kitchen conversation. He hastily takes the dog back out to his car.

Rob comes back in the house, Laura and Richtie join him in the living room. They ask about a trip to Connecticut. Rob makes excuses about needing to get things done around the house. Laura excuses Richtie so she can talk to Rob and get to the bottom of his hesitation. She notices dog hair on his suit and deduces Rob has brought home a dog.

Richtie is scared. He thinks Larry is a wolf that is going to eat him. Laura is not happy. Larry has to stay in the garage. Rob is completely unprepared for this dog weekend but is committed to making it work.

Larry, crying from the garage, wakes up Laura in the middle of the night. She wakes Rob to have him deal with the situation. Rob brings Larry to the kitchen. The whining doesn’t stop. He brings him to the living room. The whining doesn’t stop. He brings him a baby crib and gets Larry in. The whining doesn’t stop. Rob realizes Larry whines whenever he can’t see Rob. He wheels crib with Larry into the bedroom next to him and goes to sleep.

The next morning Laura asks Rob why there’s an empty baby crib in their room. Rob freaks out that Larry is gone. They frantically jump out of bed to search. They find Richtie and Larry together in the kitchen. Richtie is feeding him chicken salad. Turns out Larry made his way to Richtie’s bed overnight. When Richtie woke up to seeing a sleeping Larry, he realized the dog was a dog not a wolf and was OK with him.

Everything is about me

Richtie mentioned he was five-and-a-half years old in a recent episode, so that puts him in kindergarten I suppose. He acts too much like a baby if you ask me.

To be fair my youngest is in fourth grade and acts too much like a baby. He is a smart kid in the gifted class at school and decently athletic, playing on a competitive soccer team.

But whenever he makes a mistake, he reacts badly. Whether it’s not being able to figure out his math homework problems quickly or making the wrong decision on the field resulting in a goal for the other team. He takes it really badly.

We try to tell him, you’re nine, you’re not supposed to be good at everything yet. This is the time of your life to embrace learning through failure. We’ve been saying this forever to all of our kids, not sure how much it’s sinking in.

I had a long talk with him a few nights ago, and I think he was sort of getting it. I struggle sometimes meeting him where he’s at, talking to him on his level. I know my tendency toward rationalism is not necessarily the right approach for a kid. But I think I went over it in my head enough times that I think I got the message right.

I think I got it right this time because typically these types of talks with our kids elicits the response of things along the lines of, ok, right, got it, I understand. That is, the response of someone being lectured to, not someone in a two-way conversation.

But this time, toward the end of our long talk, he confided to reacting the way he does--getting sad when he makes a mistake--because he is worried he is not good enough and doesn’t belong on this soccer team. I reckon he has similar inferiority feelings about advanced math sometimes.

I don’t want to exaggerate the meaning of this conversation, but it feels like a breakthrough to me. We need to pump him up, tell him he belongs. I did that in the moment, but in the long run, she will be better than me for that with our kids.

But I’m going to do my rationalist thing--what I’m good at--and work with him more on specific soccer skills that his team is not specifically working on to boost his confidence. Give him the peace of mind that he is good enough and belongs.

Episode observations

Life before cell phones

OK, this Larry situation would have devolved into a litany of text messages between Rob and Buddy to get to the bottom of what the heck was going on and how to get the dog to settle down.

Clothes and fashion

Robes. Rob and Laura spring out of bed when the notice Larry is missing. They obviously know he’s somewhere in the house, and they know Richtie is terrified of him. They are wearing pajamas that would be fine to wear around the house nowadays. People would probably walk around the neighborhood in those pajamas in this day and age. But Rob and Laura, even though they’re in terrible hurry to check on Larry and Richtie, they still find time to put robes on before leaving the bedroom.

Pop culture references

Rob tries to convince Laura to give Larry a chance. Rob says if she’s not captivated by him, he’ll send him back to Buddy. Laura emphasizes the word captivated, indicating that’s a high bar. Rob lowers the bar giving himself some wiggle room and says, it’s not Carry Grant, it’s just a dog.

Vocabulary lesson

Not sure if this one fulfills the spirit of this category, as it’s supposed to be about words that are used in an ordinary way in 1961 that sound interesting to me 60 years later. The word is tripe. Trying to find something for Larry to eat, Rob is asking Laura if they horse meat or lamb kidneys or tripe. Laura scoffs at tripe. Tripe is the edible stomach lining of farm animals.

Best joke/funniest moment

Rob: Honeymoon? You’ve been married 10 years.

Buddy: We wanted to see how things would work before we spent the money.

(Probably the least funny episode yet. Though the audience seemed to like the physical comedy with the dog. That was probably more of a novel thing back then.) 

Other assorted thoughts on life in the 1960s

Rob tells Buddy Laura wouldn’t want a dog at the house because they just got brand new carpet.

The suitcases don’t have wheels.

Newspaper as distraction device. When Rob is trying to shut down conversation about traveling for the weekend, he pulls out the New York Times and skims it like someone nowadays would scroll social media on their phone.

Rob is so unprepared to keep this dog for the weekend. He has no idea where it should sleep. He has no food for it. He feeds it leftover spaghetti on a paper plate. Richtie feeds it chicken salad the next day. I know we spoil our pets these days, but really, Buddy wouldn’t have provided Larry with some dog food or other supplies for Rob to use for the weekend? I can’t tell if this poor planning--which was frustrating to watch--was simply a plot device to put Rob in stressful situations with the dog, or if people in 1961 just fed the dog whatever.

Final thoughts

Everything works out OK at the end of a sitcom episode.

[babywinkz]

The Four Month Sleep Regression

The Four Month Sleep Regression

As a professional sleep consultant, I hear the term “regression” used in regards to just about every imaginable circumstance.

Essentially, if your baby doesn’t sleep well for a couple of nights, parents start dropping the ‘R’ word.

Some people subscribe to the idea that there’s an eight month regression, a 9 month regression, a 1 year regression, as well as teething regressions, growth spurt regressions, and so on.

Others see these as simple hiccups caused by extenuating circumstances.

Is There Such a Thing as Four Month Sleep Regression?

But the four-month regression, everybody agrees on, and for good reason. It’s the real deal, and it’s permanent.

So to understand what’s happening to your baby during this stage, first, you need to know a few things about sleep in general. So here’s the science part, told in plain English.

Many of us just think of sleep as an on-or-off situation.

You’re either asleep or you’re not.

Sleep Cycle in Plain English

But sleep actually has a number of different stages, and they make up the “sleep cycle,” which we go through several times a night.

STAGE 1 – Initial Stage

Stage 1 is that initial stage we’re all familiar with where you can just feel yourself drifting off, but don’t really feel like you’ve fallen asleep.

Anyone who has ever seen their partner nodding off in front of the TV told them to go to bed, and gotten the canned response of, “I wasn’t sleeping!” knows exactly what this looks like.

STAGE 2 – True Sleep

Stage 2, which is considered the first “true sleep” stage. This is where people tend to realize, once woken up, that they actually were sleeping. For anyone taking a “power nap,” this is as deep as you want to go, or else you’re going to wake up groggy.

STAGE 3 – Deep and Regenerative

Stage 3 is deep and regenerative. Also known as “slow wave” sleep, this is where the body starts repairing and rejuvenating the immune system, muscles tissue, energy stores, and sparks growth and development.

STAGE 4 – REM (rapid eye movement

Stage 4 is REM (rapid eye movement) sleep. This is where the brain starts to kick in and consolidates information and memories from the day before. It’s also the stage where we do most of our dreaming.

Once we’ve gone through all of the stages, we either wake up or come close to waking up and then start over again until the alarm goes off.

So what does this have to do with the dreaded regression we were talking about originally?

Well, newborn babies only have 2 stages of sleep; stage 3 and REM, and they spend about half their sleep in each stage.

But at around the third or fourth month, there is a reorganization of sleep, as they embrace the 4-stage method of sleep that they’ll continue to follow for the rest of their lives.

When this change takes place, baby moves from 50% REM sleep to 25% in order to make room for those first two stages.

So although REM sleep is light, it’s not as light as these 2 new stages that they’re getting used to, and with more time spent in lighter sleep, there’s more of a chance that baby’s going to wake up.

Waking Up Is Normal During Sleep

That’s not to say that we want to prevent or avoid baby waking up.

Waking up is absolutely natural, and we continue to wake up three, four, five times a night into adulthood and even more in old age.

As adults, however, we’re able to identify certain comforting truths that baby might not be privy to.

When we wake in the night, we’re able to recognize that,

“Hey, I’m here in my bed, it’s still nighttime, my alarm isn’t going to go off for another three hours, and I’m reasonably certain that there are no monsters lurking under my bed. I can go back to sleep”

And we do. Usually so quickly that, the next morning, we don’t even remember the brief encounter with consciousness.

A four month old baby, of course, lacks these critical thinking skills.

To a four month old baby who fell asleep at her mother’s breast, the reasoning could go much more to the tune of,

“OK, last thing I remember, there was a familiar, beloved face, I was having dinner, and someone was singing me a soothing song about the Teddy Bears’ Picnic. Now I’m alone in this dark room, there’s no food, and there’s probably at least three, possibly four, scary monsters in the immediate vicinity.”

That’s probably an exaggeration, but who knows what goes on in the mind of a four month-old baby?

Understanding Four Month Sleep Regression

Anyways, now that baby’s suddenly realized that Mamma’s not around, and they’re not entirely sure where they’ve gone, the natural response is to do a little freaking out.

That stimulates the fight-or-flight response and, next thing you know, baby’s not going back to sleep without a significant amount of reassurance that everything is OK.

The other major contributor to this 4 month fiasco.

I find, is that up until this point, parents have either been putting their baby to sleep with a pacifier, or by rocking them, or by breastfeeding them, or some similar technique where baby is helped along on the road to falling asleep.

Sleep Associations Don’t Help In the Long Term

Now that baby’s spending more time in light sleep, and therefore has a higher probability of waking up, this suddenly becomes a much bigger issue.

These sleep props or sleep associations can be very sneaky indeed.

Because although they may be helpful in getting your little one to that initial nodding off stage, the lack of them when they wake up means that baby’s not able to get back to sleep again without some outside help.

Cue the fight-or-flight, the crying, and the adrenaline.

When this starts happening every half an hour, parents can find themselves in a nightmarish situation.

So, the good news for anyone experiencing the dreaded Four Month Sleep Regression is that it’s not, in fact, a regression at all.

What is Regression?

A regression is defined as “reversion to an earlier mental or behavioural level,” and that’s actually the opposite of what your baby is experiencing.

This would be much more aptly titled the “Four Month Sleep Progression.”

So, onto the big question.

What can you do to help your little one adjust?

First off, get all of that light out of baby’s room.

I’m not kidding around here. You might think that baby’s room is dark enough, or that baby might not like the dark, and that it’s comforting to have a little bit of light coming through the windows or seeping in from the hallway.

Nope.

1 – Eliminate All Light

Baby’s room should be dark, I mean coal mine on a moonless night kind of dark.

Tape bin bags over the windows if you have to, or cover them with tinfoil. (Just be prepared to explain it to the police when the neighbours accuse you of running a grow-op.)

Newborns and infants are not afraid of the dark.

They are, however, responsive to light. Light tells their brains that it’s time for activity and alertness, and the brain secretes hormones accordingly, so we want to keep that nursery absolutely pitch black during naps and bedtime.

2 – Eliminate All Noise

The other nemesis of daytime sleep, (and nighttime for that matter, although not nearly as often) is noise.

Whether its UPS ringing the doorbell, the dog warning you that the squirrels are back and for sure going to attack the house this time, or something falling on the floor three rooms away.

With baby spending more time in lighter sleep, noises will startle them easily and wake them up, so a white noise machine is a great addition to your nursery.

“Wait, isn’t that a prop,” you’re asking. Well, in a way, it is, but it doesn’t require any winding, resetting, reinserting, or parental presence. It’s just there and it can be on as long as baby’s sleeping, so it’s not a prop we need to avoid.

3 – Create Bedtime Routine

Bedtime routines are also an essential component to getting your baby sleeping well.

Try to keep the routine to about 4 or 5 steps, and don’t end it with a feed. Otherwise, you risk baby nodding off at the breast or the bottle, and that will create the dreaded “association” that we talked about earlier.

So try to keep the feed near the beginning of the routine and plan the songs, stories, and getting into PJs towards the end.

The whole process should be about 20 – 30 minutes long, and the baby should go into their cot while they’re still awake.

If you’re noticing your baby getting fussy before bedtime, you’ve probably waited too long. Four month old babies should only be going about two hours between snoozes, and bedtime should be between 7 and 8 at night.

We Aren’t Perfect – Baby Growth Plays a Role

Now, there are going to be regressions, actual regressions, later on in your little one’s youth. Travelling, illness, cutting teeth, all of these things can cause your little one to have a few bad nights in a row.

But when it comes to the four month “progression,” I’m happy to report that this is a one-time thing. Once you’re through this, your baby will have officially moved into the sleep cycle that they’ll essentially be following for the rest of their life.

Four glorious stages repeated multiple times a night.

Give Your Little One a Gift

And by taking this opportunity to teach them the skills they need to string those sleep cycles together, independently, prop-free, without any need for nursing, rocking, or pacifiers, you’ll have given them a gift that they’ll enjoy for the rest of their young lives.

Of course, some kids are going to take to this process like a fish to water, and some are going to be a little more resistant.

If yours falls into the former category, count yourself as lucky, take delight in your success, and go ahead and gloat about it on Facebook.

For those of you in the latter camp, I’m happy to help in any way I can.

Just visit my website or give me a call and we can work on a more personalized program for your little one.

The most common thing I hear after working with clients is,

“I can’t believe I waited so long to get some help!”

So if you’re considering hiring a consultant, now is absolutely the time.

I offer a free 15 minute evaluation so I can get to know the specifics about your little one’s situation, so book a call now and we can move forward as soon as you’re ready to get your little one sleeping through the night!

Read next >>>

Helping your baby to sleep – NHS

Is This the Right Time To Sleep Train?

Is Sleep Training Safe

Thank you so much for reading, please comment below if you have any questions.

[blueskittlesart]

i am in a sad. how about some hc characteristics for link and zelda

this is so long because i have so many feelings and half of this is more analysis of their canon characters than headcanons but its IMPORTANT so i cant omit any of it but i dont want to make a super long post analyzing video game characters so it’s under the readmore hgfdfghj

SO link was always a very quiet kid even before the sword and everything. He wouldn’t speak unless spoken to and was shy enough that he had trouble socializing with the other kids in his village. However i dont think it really would have bothered him that much?? he found his own ways to have fun, climbing trees or shield surfing down the hills around hateno. Even as a kid, he was very independent and had a tendency to want to resolve problems on his own without going to anyone else for help, so he’d come home with two skinned knees insisting that he was fine and he didn’t need his mother’s help bandaging them up. (yes this drove his mother crazy, yes mipha also had to deal with this shit and that’s what made that cutscene between them so intimate, it was her telling him that he’s allowed to trust her enough to let her help and that she will always be there to heal him as many times as it takes. dont talk to me) Through his memories we see that zelda thinks, or thought, that he unquestioningly accepted his duty as the hylian champion and never had any struggles with his place in the world, but zelda tends to take things at face value and i find it hard to believe that link never had any regrets about his position. He was put into training as young as twelve years old, essentially taken away from his family and his life in order to serve a higher destiny. I think it probably lead to link placing all his value on how he can serve others. As far as he’s concerned, his only worth is contingent on his ability to protect and serve zelda and the other champions, which is why we see so much of him getting hurt or being reckless in order to protect others; he believes on some level that if he fails to be a good soldier he will not matter to anyone anymore. his only worth in his mind is based on how he can be “useful.” On a less depressing note tho i think hes very good with animals, espc horses! he finds them easier to interact with than people. dogs are the same, theres a reason it only takes like a minute of him standing in front of a dog for it to follow him wherever he goes. He also likes to cook and that’s not even a hc have you seen the little graphics for all the different food he can make? the PRESENTATION. he’s very deliberate in little things like that because it MATTERS to him that what he makes looks good! not for any particular reason, not to impress anyone but because he’s made it for himself and he wants to take pride in what he’s made. thanks for coming to my ted talk 

Ok now on to zelda. She has a lot more canon personality than link which like. she’s an npc and link is the player character so that’s to be expected BUT i still have a lot to say about her character. She’s headstrong and stubborn and emotional and it gets her into trouble. She has a tendency to take things at face value and she lets her emotions take over very quickly, which puts a strain on her relationships with others. Due to her status and the prophecy she was supposed to fulfill she was incredibly isolated as a child. she hardly ever interacted with anyone her own age, which is why she treats link the way she does at first; she doesn’t have any experience with anyone who isn’t required to be around her. She’s used to being condescended to while simultaneously being expected to be perfect in everything she does, and it’s made her... mean. she deliberately pushes people (read: link) away because she believes that no one really cares about her outside of her status and her supposed power, and what we see of her father’s actions only reinforce that perspective. she and link are very VERY similar in that regard, in that they place all their self-worth on their importance as hyrule’s prophecized saviors. the difference between them is that zelda fails, she is unable to be the perfect princess she is expected to be, and she has a support system in urbosa (and link, and as far as im concerned mipha too even tho they aren’t shown to be friends in canon) that allows her to recover from the trauma that forced her into that mindset. she learns to be more empathetic, she stops pushing people away and begins to consider how her actions affect others. she doesn’t necessarily lose the idea that she has to be useful completely, but she becomes aware of it and makes an effort to not take out her frustrations with herself on other people. Ok thats most of my Thoughts out of the way so onto the less depressing stuff, Zelda is INCREDIBLY smart. like child prodigy level intelligence. Her mind is very mathematically oriented, which is partially why she’s so drawn to sheikah tech. it’s something she understands very easily and can break down to its most bare functions in a matter of minutes. she was instrumental in getting literal ANCIENT TECH to work again and was respected by sheikah scholars. She is also very very curious, which helps her out in certain situations, but can be... problematic in others. she doesn’t know when to leave well enough alone. shes essentially always turned up to 11. She’s interested in animals, like link, but her interest is from a much more scientific standpoint than his. She has trouble with animals that require a more empathetic approach, like horses, because she prefers to think of animals and plants in terms of their benefit to her: a horse is transportation, a frog could be used in an elixir or a dish, etc etc. her curiosity and willingness to learn help her out a lot post-calamity when she finds herself traveling hyrule with link. though not very adept with weapons, at least at first, her quick thinking makes her a good strategist. she’s adept at finding weaknesses in enemies that may be less obvious to a common soldier (cough cough she literally highlights ganon’s weaknesses in the final battle of botw and i want them to keep that motif in botw2 because it makes so much sense for her nintendo PLEASE)

HELP THIS IS SO LONG AND IT CAN BARELY EVEN BE CONSIDERED HEADCANONS IM SO SORRY I JUST. HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS ABT BOTW LINK AND ZELDA DONT TALK TO ME

[sodalitefully]

This is the result of me being a slut for demon AUs, and also for Slash’s ridiculously pretty face.  I wasn’t planning to write this 'cause uh it’s definitely got similarities to some of my other ideas and also because I’m not really satisfied with the characterization, but it wouldn’t leave me alone so here it is:

Summary: Slash is a pretty lil incubus who escapes from Hell. He gets roughed up a little on the way out, and Duff finds him lost and hurt on the street in LA. He helps Slash, takes him home, cleans him up, and hears him out. Duff lets Slash stay the night, and he can already tell that he’s going to let Slash stay as long as he wants. Slash latches on to Duff immediately, he’s convinced that Duff is the kindest, most beautiful being that could possibly exist and he absolutely adores him. Duff is crushing hard on Slash, but he can’t fathom why Slash likes him so much, he’s not pretty or exceptional while Slash is stunningly, inhumanly gorgeous. But Duff is compassionate as hell, and he does his best to ease Slash into life in the mortal plane.

Duff finds Slash on his way home from work on a Friday night, Slash looks completely lost and he’s bleeding a little and he’s not completely dressed.  Everyone else is avoiding him in case he’s tripping or crazy or something, but Duff goes up to him cause he seems to be dressed like a rocker (no shirt or shoes, just tight leather pants and some jewelry) so like, solidarity from one wasted rocker to another.  

Duff goes up to him, notices that he’s like, insanely hot but decides not to say anything about it, and asks if he’s lost or something.  Slash shies away and eyes him suspiciously, he’s not used to people freely offering help.  But then something comes running at them from down the street, at first Duff thinks it’s a dog but as it gets closer it’s obviously not a dog, not any kind of animal he recognizes, so he kicks it as hard as he can into a wall and it vanishes on impact in a puff of sour smelling smoke.  That’s fucking weird so Duff looks around to see if anyone else saw that, but the people around them don’t seem to notice anything unusual.  Instead, Duff spots a pack of four more creatures coming towards them.  Slash sees them too, and he changes his mind about trusting Duff – he looks up at him and tugs on his arm, “Please help me!”  

So Duff basically scoops Slash up (he’s way too skinny) and sprints for his car around the block.  He throws Slash in the passenger seat and guns it.  “What the fuck are those things?!” (classic action movie line).  Slash explains that they’re hellhounds, vermin of the underworld, they followed him here.  There’s a lot to unpack there, but Duff starts with the most important question: “Are they going to keep coming after us?”  “Well, they can’t pass between planes on their own, so either we lose them or we get rid of them.”  “How do we get – Oh shit!” The hellhounds are suddenly right in front of the car, half a block away.  “Just hit them! They’ll re-spawn in Hell and they won’t be able to get back!” So Duff braces himself and drives straight through the pack, they disintegrate just like the first one did.

“Holy fucking shit.  Was that all of them?”  Slash affirms, and Duff pulls off the road next to a sketchy little park that’s mostly empty at this time in the evening.  He and Slash get out of the car, and Duff is on the verge of panic, nearly yelling as he questions Slash about what the fuck just happened.  He stops dead when he realizes that Slash looks scared (all big eyes and quivering pout and hugging himself defensively and damn if it doesn’t yank Duff’s heartstrings more than any sad puppy ever has), and immediately backtracks, apologizing and asking more gently for Slash to explain what happened.  

So Slash does, he introduces himself and explains that the hounds won’t come back, they followed him here when he escaped from Hell.  Slash is a demon and they spend a few minutes establishing this fact (he probably proves it by demonstrating that he can shapeshift).  Duff asks if there’s a chance that more will come after him, Slash says he doubts it, he’s a little embarrassed as he admits he’s just an incubus, there’s a million others like him, no one will come looking now that he’s gone.  Duff has a hard time imaging that anyone else like Slash exists in the world.  He asks why Slash escaped and Slash explains that Hell is the worst, he just gets kicked around by more powerful demons (who treat low-level incubi like funny little pets because they’re not very powerful and they look mostly like humans instead of like terrifying demons) and sent off to seduce humans (he’s sick of it: shifting into their ideal, tempting them with whatever sick fantasies they have and then basically drugging them with his demonic power of irresistibility; it’s all-around terrible sex really, they act like they’re in a trance and he doesn’t get any say in what they do).  It occurs to Duff eventually that Slash is basically telling him he had a demon pimp.  

“So... you’re not going to try to steal my soul or something?”  “I don’t make deals, just tempt people.  And I don’t want to do that anymore, I don’t… I don’t really like hurting people.” He whispers the last bit like it’s some terrible secret.  “It’s so violent in Hell, I just want to be left alone…"

“What are you going to do now that you’re on Earth?” Duff asks.  He knows where he’s going with this, and he knows it’s a bad idea – inviting a demon into his own home?? It’s a recipe for disaster, but Slash seems so sincere and Duff rationalizes that he should be fine as long as he doesn’t ask for or agree to any sex.  Easier said than done, because Slash is the most stunning being that Duff has ever encountered in his life and just being around him scrambles his mind a little.  

But Slash looks so lost and uncertain when he admits that he doesn’t know much about the mortal plane and he has nowhere to go, and he lights up with a combination of relief and genuine shock and awe when Duff offers to take him home with him.  

So they get back in the car and drive home, where Duff runs Slash a bath, helps clean up the blood and soot (sure, Slash could probably handle it himself but Duff is firmly in mother hen mode), gives him some comfortable clothes to wear (seeing Slash wearing his softest t-shirt and a pair of tiny shorts is almost too much for Duff) and something warm to eat (as an immortal demon, Slash has never eaten real food before and frankly it’s life-changing – this tastes so much better than dick. He might cry. Duff now understands why he’s so thin).  

When it’s time to go to bed, Slash is uncertain.  He’s been in people’s beds before, though he’s never actually slept in one.  In Hell he had a little place to sleep but nothing like the homes that humans have.  Duff offers Slash the options of the bed and the couch.  Slash cautiously clarifies that Duff doesn’t want to have sex with him? “Oh no, I couldn’t.”  Slash looks confused and a little uncomfortable.  “I mean, of course I think you’re attractive, shit you’re the most beautiful – Uh, but you said earlier that you didn’t want to do that anymore, I would never ask you to.  I didn’t offer to help because I wanted something in return.”  

Slash stares at him.  “Duff, you must have the kindest soul in this realm.”  Duff tries to deflect (of course he doesn’t have the kindest soul that’s ridiculous, all he did was offer a little help, anyone could have), but Slash just looks at him affectionately.  “And the prettiest face.  I might be done with seduction, but with you, I wouldn’t mind.”  Duff can’t even comprehend that Slash of all people could find him beautiful with his scars and his terrible dye job and all the other things he’s secretly insecure about. Instead he focuses on the last thing Slash said, “I wouldn’t mind” isn’t exactly an enthusiastic come on so Duff will stand by his vow not to fuck Slash.  

Duff helps Slash make a little nest of blankets on the couch and then they both go to bed.  In the morning, Duff wakes up first, so he tries to very quietly put together breakfast without waking Slash in the tiny apartment.  They spend the rest of the weekend trying to acclimate Slash to living with mortals – it’s quite a learning curve.  Slash needs lots of help with things, but Duff doesn’t mind at all, and by the time Monday comes around, he feels confident that Slash can mind himself in the apartment for a while when Duff is at work.  Slash is very impressed that Duff has a job and earns money, but he’s also a little nervous to be alone – he wakes up early to send Duff off with a hug and a kiss on the cheek, and Duff is entirely distracted through his whole shift.  

When Duff gets home, Slash announces that he missed him, then starts excitedly telling Duff about his day: It was so quiet, he’s never experienced that before! There were animals on the TV for a while before it changed to people talking about things! He looked out the window for two hours and at one point he saw a man drop his sandwich across the street and it reminded him of Hell!

Over the course of that week, Slash has no trouble keeping himself entertained when Duff is out.  He systematically attacks Duff’s music collection, takes up guitar, starts writing down notes about humanity in a little notebook (Duff finds it open one day, and reads a couple hilariously endearing entries).  He also discovers porn, and is immediately obsessed with it.  So many ways to have sex, and he gets to choose what to watch or look at whenever he wants!  Duff soon learns that Slash has very diverse and somewhat unusual tastes in erotica.

But when Duff comes home, all of Slash’s attention is on him.  He loves to tell Duff about his day, and is completely engrossed in whatever Duff has to say in return.  He continues to candidly compliment Duff, usually something along the lines of being extremely kind and intelligent and beautiful, and Duff continues to deflect cover up his insecurity.  Slash is completely open about his adoration of Duff, but Duff can’t even begin to accept it, so he just pretends it doesn’t exist.  Meanwhile Duff is at least a bit in love with Slash but still convinced that he’s not ever going to do anything about it.

Eventually, Duff’s friends are wondering why they haven’t seem him for almost a week.  Duff brings Slash along to the bar and introduces him to Axl, Izzy, and Steven.  The guys all give Duff a look when they meet Slash – How did one of us ever manage to land someone like that?  Slash gets along well with Duff’s friends; he’s still working on the whole acting-like-a-human thing and they can tell when his behavior is a little off, but they trust Duff’s judgement so they try to be welcoming.  

Duff, however, is not having a good time.  Sure, it’s nice to see Slash doing so well, but all of the insecurities he’s been repressing over the past week are resurfacing all at once.  Just standing next to Slash in public is stressing him out, he can’t stop imagining that everyone around them is judging him, thinking that Slash is way out of his league.  He’s certain he wouldn’t mind so much if he wasn’t so helplessly gone for Slash – now he’s also worried that Slash will realize that there’s plenty of people in the world who are way better than Duff.

Duff excuses himself to the restroom, and a minute later Axl follows and corners him by the sinks.  “Where the everliving fuck did you find this kid? And why the fuck are you just sitting there like a stiff corpse when he’s all over you??”  Axl has always been a confidant for him, so Duff starts to explain how he’s been feeling over the past week, leaving out the bit about demons and hellhounds.  “Duff, you dumb fuck, it’s obvious to anyone with two working brain cells that Slash thinks you’re God.  Enough of this you-don’t-deserve-it bullshit, just make your move!"

They return to the table, where the rest have paid off their tabs and gotten ready to move on to the next bar of the night. “Sorry for keeping you waiting,” Duff says, ostensibly to the group but mostly to Slash.  Then, with his heart pounding and palms sweating, he leans in to give Slash a completely casual peck on the cheek.  

Slash lights up like the sun and immediately latches on to Duff’s arm and leans his head on his shoulder.  He doesn’t let go for even a second as they hit the next bar, and the one after that, and then finally head home and curl up together on the couch.

(holy shit that was way longer than I thought it would be. tagging @fan-with-issues. have a good night folks.)

[purplesurveys]

686

1. What previews did you see at the last movie you saw in theaters? I don’t even remember dude. I do remember the last movie I saw in the cinema was Knives Out, but we were too late to see the previews and arrived exactly when the movie started. The movie I saw before that wasssssss Portrait of a Lady on Fire, but that was so long ago I definitely don’t remember the previews that showed beforehand – or if there were any, at all. 2. Have you ever washed your hair with mayonnaise? Ok I love mayonnaise, but that shit goes in my mouth and not anywhere else in my body lmao. 3. How many things are you a fan of on Facebook? I stupidly liked so many pages when I was 14 and new to Facebook...it must be in the hundreds. I think I still like most of them, but I’m just too lazy to unlike each of them. 4. Do you have more friends on Myspace or Facebook? Facebook is a sure winner here because I don’t even have a Myspace.

5. What generation iPod do you have? I don’t know...it’s an iPod from 2008, though. The really thin one that comes with games, and the screen is already colored. 

6. What celebrities share your birthday? James McAvoy and Queen Elizabeth II are the biggest names I think. I Googled to confirm anyway and it turns out I share a birthday with Iggy Pop too. Pretty diverse group lmao. 7. What's your first and last name spelled backwards? Nybor, and that’s all you’re getting now. 8. What song is playing at the moment? No song, just two electric fans whirring loudly here in the first floor, and my sister watching a playthrough of some game she’s into on YouTube. 9. Do you clench your teeth when you're angry? Ugh no. I hate the feeling/texture/sound of grinding my teeth. I find it a little disturbing and I wince when I hear someone doing it in their sleep :/ 10. Have you ever been to a movie that sold out? Yeah, Killing of A Sacred Deer was surprisingly sold out when we watched it. Then again we were in the part of the city where people are more likely to watch films like that, so maybe it’s not that surprising after all. Other movies I remember being sold out was the entire Twilight Saga HAHAHA. I went to 4/5 midnight screenings and the cinema was packed every time.

11. Have you ever been to a midnight movie? ^ Just mentioned it. 12. It's 2010; are you gonna say oh-ten, twenty ten, or two thousand ten? I always say twenty-ten. 13. How many of your classes change next quarter? Next semester? I graduate next semester...hopefully. This virus is really ruining my life plans for 2020, especially as a graduating student who was expecting to graduate by June and get a job by like, September. 14. Do you believe in the paranormal? Only ghosts. 15. How old are the shoes you're wearing? I’m barefoot at the moment. I haven’t been outside in a WHILE, so I haven’t had to wear shoes in a while as well. 16. What's your state's weather usually like this time of year? The Philippines is a relatively tiny country so our weather from the northernmost to southernmost tips are uniform. That being said, March to June is our summer season so the *country’s weather is very humid and excruciatingly hot for now. Temperature usually plays around 34-37C, but the heat index can reach 42C. 17. Do you get those leg cramps in the middle of the night? I used to get them quite often as a kid - it would wake me up at 4 AM and I’d usually be crying by the end; I couldn’t scream because I never wanted to wake everyone up, so I’d just cry until it was over. 18. What movie last made you too scared to go to sleep? Midsommar didn’t make me too scared to sleep, but for a short time it made me terrified of flowers and the color white. 19. Do you have a Twitter account? Sure. 20. Did Obama deserve the Nobel Peace Prize he was awarded? Oh he won it? That’s pretty cool. I dunno enough about his presidency other than he seems to be ~hipper than all the other US presidents and is generally more well-loved, but I don’t want to make a stand so hastily. 21. Is your cell phone a qwerty (full keyboard) or no? Yeah, touchscreen qwerty. 22. What was the last website you logged onto (besides the one you're on)? WWE Network!!! Just today they announced that they were gonna give free access to the Network, which means thousands of hours’ worth of pay-per-views, shows, and documentaries. I made a WWE account just for it and I’ve already downed two documentaries this morning. 23. What's your home page? It’s a Google Chrome extension called Momentum. I’m too lazy to describe the features so I’ll just show you what it looks like when I open Chrome/a new tab.

24. Put a line from the song you're listening to right now: I’m not listening to a song rn but I do have everything i wanted by Billie Eilish stuck in my head for a few minutes now. A lyric goes: I had a dream / I got everything I wanted / Not what you’d think / And if I’m being honest, it might’ve been a nightmare / To anyone who might care.

25. Music artists you listen to: Are they a little or a lot older than you? They’re typically close to my age, like maybe 4-10 years older than me. The oldest artist I listen to is probably Beyoncé? 26. What always has to be in the refrigerator? For us, eggs. 27. What was your favorite movie of 2009? The Proposal. 28. What do you want for Christmas? That’s sort of a long way from now, dude. By that time I’d have grown a bit and will probably ask for a vacuum cleaner lmaaaaao. 29. If you could go to three places in the world right now: UPTC, Feliz, and a Starbucks. I just want to be out of my actual village – I don’t even want to go anywhere far after this. 30. How many days until your birthday? I was too lazy to do math but Google says it’s 28 days away. 31. Who are you crushing on right now? (Famous or not, it's your call.) Gabie, Kristen Stewart, and Lee Joo Youngggggg. 32. Do you squish bugs or put them in a glass and let them outside? I squish them especially if they’re being annoying, soz. 33. Do you have split ends? I recently got my hair done, so no.

34. Isn't it ridiculous that movie theaters sell hot dogs and nachos? It is pretty stupid considering they’re messy food and you’ll have to eat them in a really dark room. Where I’m from they allow any kind of food in the theatres, so we aren’t restricted to hotdogs and nachos. My go-to food is Potato Corner french fries, since they’re easy to pick up and would never have a strong smell, or make a noise or a mess. 35. What school subject do you absolutely fail at? I don’t think I ever got past an 85 in chemistry in high school. 36. When you're on a laptop, do you hook up a mouse or use the touchpad? I have a touchpad. I’ve never owned a mouse. 37. When's the next day(s) off you'll get at school? Literally right now until April 14th. It’s a lockdown, dude. 38. If you're learning a language, what year are you in? I’m not. My curriculum doesn’t require me to take language electives. I did take Spanish and Korean in Duolingo in the past out of boredom/curiosity, though. I lasted a few levels into Spanish because of its similarities with Filipino, but they have like a million verb tenses and that’s when it got too much for me. Korean was pretty difficult right from the start. 39. Do you think you're done growing or will you grow a couple more inches? Nah, this is it I think. 40. What's your mom's mom's name? Agnes. 41. Do you replace "and" with an ampersand (&)? No, it looks so informal to me. 42. What do you usually get at school for lunch? I don’t have a usual lunch; it depends on what we have at home, because I typically just bring food from home to school. 43. Have you ever encountered a creepy neighbor? I don’t think so. If I did, my brain probably blocked the memory already. 44. How many texts can your phone's inbox hold before it's too full? As far as I know it doesn’t have a limit and just depends on my phone’s overall capacity.   45. Do you like the foam soap or the liquidy soap? I use a liquidy one, so I’ll go with that. 46. Do you like the automatic sinks or the ones with hot and cold handles? Lmao, first of all our country’s not even rich enough for this question. We just have a basic sink. We get whatever temperature is available and we need to turn a knob to have the water running. 47. What day did/does your birthday fall on this year? It’ll fall on a Tuesday, which suckssss because it’s a weekday and I have weekly Tuesday meetings for this semester. It’s also the first week out of the coronavirus lockdown, and I doubt people will even be paying attention to birthdays by then. 48. Do you tend to lean towards bright colors or more subtle colors? Subtle ones. 49. Do you use British spelling even though you're not British? No. 50. Name the farthest/weirdest/most unique place you've ever been: Farthest: Bali, Indonesia Weirdest: There was this park in Palawan that just didn’t fit with the city’s atmosphere at all lmao. Let me look it up... Baker’s Hill. It had tons of vibrantly-colored figurines, decorations peppered with cheesy pick-up lines, and Valentine’s decor (hearts, streamers, etc) spread all over the place. I couldn’t understand what it was supposed to be and it was a surreal experience overall lol. Most unique: Sagada. It didn’t feel like I was in the Philippines for the 3 days I was there.

[danachristinehare]

i fell down the rabbit hole

in middle school i started listening to Fall Out Boy. i remember being obsessed with their song Sugar, We’re Going Down. i will never forget a moment in time, i had their lyrics printed out, and my room was a mess, and my mom came in one day and found the printed lyrics, and got mad at me for what i was listening to. the album as a whole is song after song pretty much about casual sex, and there’s a specific lyric in Sugar, We’re Going Down about taking aim at yourself with a weapon. i was probably 11? or 12? i remember my mom not wanting me to listen to them anymore. and now they are my favorite band, and have been since. this was like 14 years ago.

i was weirdly conditioned to like a band because my mother didn’t want me to like them. and i believe that reverse psychology level of thinking correlates with the things you like in general, including people.

in 2007 i moved to Florida and started high school and had the weirdest crush on a guy, Matt Hare. he was a year older than me, he definitely did not like me, but like a weirdo virgin pre-teen i found myself writing his name on my binders, and talking about him late night at slumber parties with my girlfriends.

now let’s fast forward to 2015. this is the part where i come forward about a lot of weird shit, and some stuff i am not so proud of that i have put behind me. i haven’t come forward on a lot of this stuff because my past embarrasses me, but it’s time to accept that my past has MADE me who i am today.

the year is 2015, and i am a little lost. all of my friends are graduating from college, but i never went. i had been working at the same dead end fast food restaurant since highschool. i was partying. i was getting caught up with the wrong folks. i was doing party drugs for the lack of not having any other hobbies. Matthew Hare and i re-meet, and in a weird drugged out terrible point of my life, we get together, and i immediately move in. the drug using gets worse; and i can’t blame it on Matt, as easy as it could be, that was me. those were my choices. quickly into my downward spiral, Matt and i on a whim get married.

now, this whole time, i have one girl i know telling me all these terrible things about Matt. “alleged” things of course. you all know what i am talking about. i also have three more girls i don’t really know telling me all these same/similar terrible alleged things about Matt. but i don’t even know them? i went to highschool with one of them, and we had ceramics class together but. i feel like i knew Matt way more than i knew even the one girl i can claim to be an old school acquaintance...but the one girl i knew? she pushed me, mentally, the same way my mom pushed me as a kid with listening to fall out boy. i WANTED to rebel. i wanted the attention. i wanted to be a big deal. i wanted to prove something. i don’t know what i was trying to prove, and i don’t think i knew what kind of attention i was getting myself into, but i was too far gone. i started calling all these girls the “Matt Hare Hate Club” ...instead of using love and reason to get to me and help me realize the mistakes i was making, they used scare tactics and fear. the way they approached me, i felt more inclined to help Matt, to protect him, stand up for him, over joining their side. once i started to stand up for Matt, these girls didn’t even try to continue to help me, even though they knew deep down i needed help. once i started standing up for Matt, they treated me as if i WAS Matt. the town of St Augustine, and the Matt Hare Hate Club (which extended to locals all over town) started pushing us out. i will never know who to blame for what, but my car got beat with bats (or some other blunt objects), we had a brick thrown in our window, we had the windows of our house punched out, i got thrown out of a bar just because my last name was “Hare” ...my life just kinda got turned upside down really quickly. so we moved to Tennessee.

life was okay. there was lots of ups, and very few downs, and the downs weren’t dramatically down. my drug use slowed down, because it was harder to find and more expensive, but i don’t think his drug use ever stopped. i think he just got way better at hiding it. and then, i got pregnant, and everything, and i mean EVERYTHING changed.

a lot of this hurts me to my core still, i don’t like admitting defeat, or admitting when i was wrong about something, nobody does really...and i am not really good at talking about it, i don’t like talking about it, and i wish it would all just go away, but i realize now that i need to talk about it before anyone else gets hurt.

so its late 2016 now and i got pregnant, and Matthew was dead set on me getting an abortion. obviously, i didn’t take this path. me keeping a baby he didn’t want, i believe, was the true start of problems.

one night mid 2017, i believe i was about 7 months pregnant, we got in an argument. i honestly don’t even remember what the argument was about? but that’s how every argument with Matt is. i remember he was drunk, he potentially was on drugs, i was obviously very sober (and very pregnant) ...all i really remember is that he came after me, i fell backwards on the couch, and he pushed my leg down towards my body almost past the point where i couldn’t stretch it anymore. he tried breaking my leg. i kept kicking. i stayed strong. he starting biting my foot, i still have a scar; and i kicked back so hard i knocked his front tooth out. i got away, scooped up the dogs, and drove straight to a friends house. i was hurt, emotionally and physically. i was terrified. i didn’t know what to do. i didn’t want to talk to anyone. i couldn’t afford to live on my own. i didn’t want to move home. i was about to deliver a baby in a few weeks? my life hit rock bottom.

life settled. he swore he didn’t mean it. “i was drunk, that’ll never happen again”

i thought i couldn’t abruptly move my life this far into my pregnancy. i stayed. i kept my distance, but i went back home, i stayed, i delivered my baby in Tennessee. things seemed as normal as they could be, given the circumstances. we started having problems, regular problems, but these regular relationship problems came with the background of being assaulted by my partner, pregnant, just a few months prior. i knew i wanted to leave, i knew i wanted a divorce, but i needed my safety. i didn’t know how to do it. thankfully at that point in my life i had my ex girlfriend, Chelsea, who i owe a lot too, despite how life changed between us and despite the breakup we had. she helped me come up with a plan that allowed me and Maggie’s safety. Maggie and I one morning packed up all our stuff, and moved back home to Florida, “for a better life and to be closer to family again” with the illusion that Matt would move back down with us when our Tennessee lease was up. this bought me time. time passed quickly. i didn’t complete my plans. before i knew it, the lease in Tennessee was up and Matt was moving back to Florida. to my house, with my parents. it lasted about 4 long rough months.

now it’s 2018, August the 16th, and i am at work. Matt’s at home, well, my parents home, watching Maggie while i work. i get a concerned text message about a rash. i hurry home from work, and the rash seems alarming, so we take her to the emergency room. i don’t get a lot of questions answered. i don’t know what’s happening. the doctors tell me they know it’s not a rash, but don’t know much else. suddenly late night, the cops show up with DCF and we’re all being questioned. turns out it wasn't a rash she had, it was petechiae. petechiae is the result of bleeding underneath the skin from blunt trauma, specifically asphyxiation/strangulation and loss of airflow to the brain, or at least that’s how the cops explained it to me. i told them what i knew. i was at work. she was in Matt’s care. of course they asked me if i thought Matt could be capable of harming our daughter, i knew he was capable, but i froze and said “uh...i don’t know” because realistically everything was happening really fast and i jumped to thinking NOBODY was capable of harming an innocent baby, let alone their own, but i am realizing now i was so very wrong, and so very lucky that my little girl is still with me. the day upon getting released from the hospital, DCF showed up to our house and ordered Matt out of the home and to not have any alone contact with Maggie without agreed upon supervision, being my parents or his parents. while in the hospital, Maggie underwent a full body bone scan X-ray. to this day i haven’t seen the results of that, though i have requested them. as far as my understanding goes, Matt was heavily investigated by the police and DCF and then the case was just closed. i didn’t tell the DCF agent on my case that Matt *could* have done something like this. i remember i was wearing a mustard yellow shirt that said “Mothers are Magic” on it, and she had the audacity to ask me if i wore that shirt to impress her, to prove to her that was some cool/good mom. i didn’t know she was coming that quick. that’s just the shirt i was wearing, i have a ton of motherhood related shirts. she pushed fear into me. i closed up. i didn’t tell her everything. i didn’t tell her he had hurt me. looking back on it now, i don’t know why i did half of the things that i did. but it’s what happened.

we’re here now. i am safe, and Maggie is safe. but i didn’t speak up when i should’ve, and because of that, the safety of another was put at risk. now Matt is in jail with a $4,000 bond for battery. thank god nobody died because of this man.

fear isn’t a good tactic to get someone to listen/trust/share...fear shuts people down. fear led me to go down a really deep dark rabbit hole, literally.

i never wanted to share my story. i was, i still am, embarrassed. i was wrong. i fucked up. but everything happens for a reason, and i am still trying to learn what some of the reasons are in this situation. but i am mad at myself for not speaking up sooner. but. we’re here now.

i don’t want to talk about this further. you can comment, you can leave praise, you can tell me i am “strong” or whatever other clichés you can think of, but i don’t want to engage in conversation further about any of this.

and to the Matt Hare Hate Club, i know y’all will see this. you can reach out to me in civil means. i don’t want any “i told you so” moments, i don’t want to be friends, i don’t want drama, just some solidarity. if that’s not what you’re looking for, please continue to leave me alone.

the silver lining to all of this? i got the most special little girl in the whole wide world. Magdalena, i love you, you’re 100 percent mine. i will raise you right. your dad is my life partner, Eli VeDepo. blood doesn’t make a family. when you’re old enough to understand why our family is unquestionably unique, i will tell you where you came from. but for now, you’re 2, and i am going to let you be a kid, and continue to do everything in my power to keep you safe. one day you’ll read this and know how much your mom loves you.

[darriness]

Fic - Like You Wanna Be Loved 5/16

Author: darriness

Word Count: 2200

Summary: Bowling!

Author’s Note: Thanks as always to my beta - @darrenismydarcy!

AO3 Link

The idea to offer to drive Blaine and his sister on Friday night had come to Kurt at the end of glee club on Wednesday. Blaine had been adorable during rehearsal - bouncing around, smiling easily, and cracking jokes with Sam and Mike. Kurt had gotten caught up in the jovial atmosphere and had just decided to go for it on a whim.

“Hey Blaine?” He had asked as the group disbanded. Blaine had turned to him with his eyebrows raised in question and a smile still on his face, “I was wondering if you and your sister wanted a ride to bowling on Friday.”

Blaine had paused in the middle of reaching for his bag and looked at Kurt like he didn’t quite understand the question before shaking his head and smiling again, “Ummm yeah, sure. That would be great.”

Kurt had smiled and nodded his head. He was getting good at this.

He now finds himself standing in front of an apartment building, nervously fixing his outfit for the tenth time in the last five minutes. Blaine lives in a nice neighbourhood but Kurt will admit to being a little surprised when Blaine had told him his address was an apartment. Not that there's anything wrong with apartment living, it’s just Blaine always dresses and comes across...well, like he comes from money.

Kurt immediately chastises himself for his thoughts. How judgemental of him? He shakes his head to clear it of ridiculous thoughts before making his way into the building.

He’s just about to ring the buzzer for Blaine’s apartment when the door opens and an elderly man exits, “Here to visit a friend?” The man asks and Kurt nods, “Well then in ya go. Have fun.” The man gestures Kurt in and Kurt smiles his thanks even though he feels like the man probably shouldn’t have done that. Kurt’s never lived in an apartment but the fact that there is a buzzer system leads him to believe opening the locked door for a stranger probably isn’t the safest.

The lobby of the building is clean and simple. Decorated in blues and greys, it’s nondescript but neat and tidy and Kurt feels comfortable in the space. He takes the elevator to the eighth floor and finds apartment 831 easily. He takes one more deep breath, and fixes his outfit one more time, before knocking on the door. He smiles at the music note hanging below the peephole. Blaine’s entire family must be musical.

The door opens and finds himself looking at no one (but does see what appears to be a tidy living room) before he adjusts his eye level and looks down to find a girl leaning against the door jamb. The girl is obviously Blaine’s sister. Her hair colour is exactly the same as Blaine’s, except her’s is straight while Blaine has mentioned on more than one occasion that, while his hair appears straight, it’s gelled into submission and is actually extremely curly (Kurt had added that as item number fifteen to his ever-growing ‘Blaine’ list).

Kurt would have to look more closely to find more specific similarities but she just LOOKS like Blaine. Except for her eyes. While Blaine’s are a warm honey-hazel colour (item number one on the ‘Blaine’ list), his sister’s are a cool blue.

It’s those cool blue eyes that are observing him just as he observes her. He almost jumps when he catches the look in her eye and she raises an eyebrow at him before smirking, “You must be Kurt.” She says.

Kurt coughs, “And you must be Annie?” He guesses. Blaine has only mentioned the name of his sister once.

Blaine’s sister rolls her eyes with a sigh and Kurt feels like he’s being sassed...he’s not sure he likes it, “Annie is what my loser brother calls me. My name’s actually Bethany.” She provides, looking behind her when she references Blaine and Kurt realizes it wasn’t him she was sassing but her big brother.

“Oh.” Kurt says for lack of anything better, “Sorry.”

Bethany shrugs, “Not your fault.” She says before turning around, “Blaine! Your boyfriend is here!”

“Annie!” Comes Blaine’s voice in reprimand from somewhere in the apartment, and then he’s coming down the hall. He’s wearing bright red capri pants, a white and blue polo complete with red bowtie, and dark blue boat shoes. Kurt kind of loses his breath though he’s not sure it’s because of the way Blaine looks or Bethany’s comment.

Bethany giggles as Blaine comes up behind her, “I’m just kidding!” She says, “We like to poke fun at each other.” She says to Kurt with a wink and Kurt chuckles as his heart rate settles.

“Yeah and sometimes we actually poke.” Blaine says, reaching his arms out to poke his sister’s sides. She squeals and begins to swat him as the pair laugh. The interaction makes Kurt slightly jealous, having never grown up with a sibling. He’s got Finn now but he has a feeling their relationship would have been different if they had grown up together.

Blaine and Bethany stop wrestling and Blaine turns to Kurt, “Sorry about that. Hi!” He says with a smile.

“Hi.” Kurt smiles back.

“Hi?” Bethany says and it’s then that Kurt realizes he and Blaine have been staring at each other for an indeterminate amount of time. He turns to find Bethany smirking at them and he instantly feels himself blush.

Blaine sighs, “Annie, go get your shoes, please.” He says and Bethany smirks at him before doing as she was asked. Blaine turns to Kurt once she’s gone, “Sorry about her.” He says with an eye roll.

Kurt chuckles, “I think she’s cute.” He says.

Blaine smiles, “Yeah. She is.” He says, fondly, with the love an older brother has for his younger sister in his voice.

“Are your parents home?” Kurt asks.

Blaine waves his hand, “Nah. They’re at an event tonight. That’s why I have Bethany.” He says. Kurt ‘ah’s and is about to ask what the event is when Blaine turns sharply to look back into the apartment, “Annie, let’s go!” He calls.

“Coming!” Bethany shouts before she’s there, pulling on a blue hoodie over her t-shirt.

“Ready to go?” Blaine asks with a smile at Kurt.

Kurt nods, “Ready.”

-- -- --

The trio is greeted warmly when they get to the bowling alley. They’re the last ones to arrive and the group has already split into teams. Kurt and Blaine end up on different teams with Bethany joining Blaine. Other members of Blaine’s team include Tina, Mercedes, Sam and Finn while Kurt’s team consists of Rachel, Mike, Brittany, Santana, and Artie.

Bethany immediately fits in, having the same easy going temperament as her brother, but she also has no problem trash talking or sassing Santana as good as she gets despite her age. Kurt can tell the group is impressed with her and if he’s not mistaken, as the night goes on, he sees the beginnings of a crush on Finn developing. He knows Rachel sees it too if the sulking she begins to do is anything to go by. Kurt finds it hilarious and does nothing to stop either Bethany from sitting close to Finn, or Rachel from huffing. He should probably tell Rachel to get over herself and realize she’s upset at a nine-year-old but for now it’s providing entertainment.

Blaine’s team ends up winning the first game and the group decides to get snacks before game two. Blaine sits next to Kurt with his nachos and offers some to Kurt, “Thanks.” Kurt smiles, taking a nacho and chewing. Artificial cheese has never been his favourite, but the idea of Blaine sharing his food makes him tingle so he doesn’t want to refuse.

“Sorry for beating you.” Blaine says with a frown and exaggerated puppy dog eyes.

Kurt laughs, “No, you’re not.” He says which causes Blaine to shrug with a smile, “But we’ll get you next time.” He says, and his heart skips a beat when Blaine winks.

“You’re on.” He says, offering the paper container of nachos. Kurt takes another one with a nod of thanks.

“Hey Blainers!” Bethany says, jumping onto the chairs behind the ones Kurt and Blaine are sitting in, and sitting on her knees to lean over the back. Kurt and Blaine turn, “Can I have money for the arcade?” She asks.

Blaine grimaces, “Not tonight, Annie.” He says and Bethany sighs.

“Okay.” She says with downcast eyes before sliding off the chairs and walking away.

Blaine sighs as he watches her go, “I better go talk to her.” He says and Kurt nods as Blaine gets up to follow his sister down the aisle of worn red carpet.

“So how’d you do it?” Tina asks, taking the seat Blaine had just vacated.

Kurt pulls back in surprise, as he had been watching Blaine retreat and had not noticed Tina’s arrival, “How’d I do what?” He asks.

“How’d you get Blaine to finally come out?” She asks.

Kurt shrugs, “I just...asked him.” He says.

“I know how he did it.” Santana says as she sits down behind the computer, resting her knee against the table and bringing her soda straw to her lips, “He showed Blaine his ass in those ridiculous tight pants.”

Kurt rolls his eyes, “I did not.” He says.

Santana shrugs, “If at any point you’ve walked away from him? He’s checked out your ass. That is a fact. He’s a gay guy and you’ve got a great ass. It’s not rocket science. Of course he’d say yes to going out with you.”

Kurt’s not sure where to start with Santana’s statement so he just settles on, “We’re just friends.”

Santana smirks, “For now.” She says with a wink as the rest of the group starts to congregate for the next game.

Kurt hopes the blush on his cheeks isn’t too obvious.

-- -- --

Kurt pulls to a stop in front of Blaine’s apartment building later that night and both he and Blaine turn around to find Bethany asleep in the backseat. Blaine smiles, “She had a good time.” He whispers.

Kurt smiles at her and nods, “It would appear so.” He whispers before turning to look at Blaine. It’s strangely intimate in the car with only the light from the streetlamp outside and the need to whisper because of Bethany sleeping. Blaine looks soft and handsome, “And you?” He asks.

Blaine turns to look at Kurt, and Kurt is once again rendered breathless by Blaine’s eyes. In the soft light they look like warm pools of milk chocolate and yet they seem to sparkle like Blaine’s eyes always seem to be able to do, “I had a great time.” He says.

Kurt swallows as the car goes silent and he suddenly feels a pull in his chest to get closer to Blaine. They’re staring at each other and Kurt can’t help his gaze as it drops to Blaine’s lips before pulling back up. Blaine’s eyes have taken on a dreamy quality and Kurt becomes aware of the two of them getting closer and closer.

Could this be it? Could he be about to have his first kiss? God, he hopes so. He’s equal parts terrified and exhilarated by the idea and he’s just thinking he should probably close his eyes (should he do that before the kiss or during?) when Blaine’s eyes widen and he’s pulling away sharply.

“Bethany and I should, ummm...get inside.” He says.

Kurt suddenly feels cold and his mouth drops open slightly as he stares dumbly at Blaine who scrambles to get out of the car without waiting for Kurt’s response. He opens the back door and rouses Bethany with a shake and a quiet call of her name. The sleepy nine-year-old rubs her eyes as she sits up.

“We’re home?” She asks.

“Yeah.” Blaine says, “Let’s get inside.” He says.

Bethany nods and goes to slide out of the car before stopping and turning to Kurt, “Thanks for the ride, Kurt.” She says.

“You’re welcome, Bethany. It was great to meet you.” He responds even though he still feels off balance from the previous few minutes.

Bethany smiles as she slips out from under Blaine’s arm and gets out of the car, walking toward the door to the building with a stretch. Blaine still has his head leaning into the backseat and he doesn’t quite meet Kurt’s eyes as he says, “Thank again for the ride. I’ll...see you at school.” And then he’s gone, catching up to Bethany as the pair enter the building.

Kurt’s head is spinning. What the hell just happened? He can’t help but feel rejection settle into his chest and he actually presses a hand against it to try and relieve the pressure. Maybe he’d read everything wrong? He shakes his head. That can’t be it. He may be new to this, but all of the signs were leading to that one thing.

So what happened?

He looks up at the building for a second, hoping it might give him some answers, but when none are forthcoming, he puts the car into gear and drives away with a sigh.

[finsterhund]

Service dogs “are not here to serve us” rebuttal

Hardcore vegans are known for hypocritical stances such as forcing domesticated obligate carnivores to eat vegan food, thinking sheep don’t need to be sheared, and turning a blind eye to the fact that many animal-free products from developing countries only come over to North America because of unfair treatment of workers. Recently the spying algorithm of my google phone sent an article my way that highlighted some animal rights organization’s preposterous instagram post against service dogs.

The post reads as follows:

The default position of veganism is to reject the use of non-human animals. This includes ALL uses, including service animals.

The key word here is “use.” They are not, and never were, here for us to use. Non-human animals owe us absolutely nothing.

Yet some believe humans do have the right to have certain animals and individuals serve us; therefore, they domesticate them for this purpose. But domestication does not involve consent by all those involved, and there is unequal power in the relationship. Just because individuals CAN be trained to serve us does not mean that they SHOULD.

When we adopt non-humans as our companions, we can save them from further exploitation. To continue to use them as tools for human purposes after adoption goes wholly against vegan principles. Therefore, we remain opposed to the use of animals (such as dogs) for human service, even if the animals were NOT bought from a breeder.

Service dogs and the like are still a WANT and not a need. And regardless of treatment, the use of any animal for service promotes the idea that animals are here to work for humans rather than to exist in their own right as individuals.

If we haven’t already made the point clear, under no circumstances should ANY non-human be used at the hands of humans.

Let it be known. I used to be a hardcore ARA back in the day, and I still have strong opinions for animal welfare. I am notably however, not inherently opposed to humans consuming meat, as we are opportunist omnivores so while we should be working towards humane and sustainable food sources, I think we should still be allowed to evolve out of eating meat at our own pace as a species if we are going to abandon it altogether. Forcing an animal to conform to a dietary restriction they don’t in nature is inhumane, and humans are animals. I also do not believe in full on animal rights. The difference “rights” have as oppose to “welfare” are basically concerning things like body rights, personhood, etc. I do believe in implementing animal rights under certain situations and contexts however, and this does involve dogs. I might touch up on this at a later date.

The relationship the human species has with the domestic dog is unheard of on the same level in any other lifeform on Earth. Tarantulas are known to keep tiny frogs as pets, and we have certainly domesticated many other animals, but a symbiotic relationship as in-tune as humans have with dogs is currently unparalleled. There are many factors that go into this. I for one think that cats are fully capable of developing similar bonds if we didn't normalize letting them run outside unsupervised for days at a time and intermingle with feral colonies, but that’s neither here nor there. Dogs had a head start, and a key factor was that unlike cats, their ancestors shared a similar ecological niche to humans, had nearly identical social structures, and lived in extremely tight-knit familial groups like we did. These similarities would put the perfect ground work in place. There are fossil records that indicated that early man cared a lot for their sick or injured family members, with individuals who wouldn't have been able to have offered anything of working value to their family for the entirety of their lives, based on the state of their injuries were cared for far past when they would have otherwise survived if left to struggle. This behavior is also seen in domestic dogs and their wild relatives. Note: the whole “alpha male” thing were unfounded studies that turns out were done on extremely stressed individuals forced to cohabitate with strangers in captivity and aren't valid.

Dogs have evolved to eat the same food that we do, we significantly changed and altered their physical bodies so they’d be suited to a whole variety of different roles in our society, dogs have evolved to have more specialized eyebrows so that they can better physically communicate with us, and some new studies in their early stages even suggest that we may even have some sort of a proto-psychic bond with dogs. Or in the very least they have evolved to be extremely aware of our feelings based on tiny facial expressions or specific scents. Still no small feat. Particularly sharp breeds mimic human speech based on vocalizations they associate with excitement or praise. Dogs can understand specific words and tones of voice in our language, follow our line of gaze and direction indicated by hand gesture, and generally have cognitive abilities akin to a five-year-old. Dogs are known to empathize with us when we express negative emotions and are well documented for pining for deceased human family members and waiting for them for the remainder of their own lives. Dogs do not understand the concept of death, but they understand the concept of losing us. While there are many animals conventionally smarter than dogs, this bond cannot be replicated to the same extent with them. To a dog, their human is family. To be protected at all cost. Dogs LOVE us. And it’s a pure unconditional love. Flawed only in how innocent a dog is. Unable to understand concepts like good and evil. This is extremely serious. I cannot stress how one-in-a-million, incredible, sacred, and rare what happened between us and dogs is. It’s the most beautiful thing to me that exists on planet Earth. It’s one of the only things that makes me think the universe is more than just cold and unfeeling. If there is anything that could be possibly used as proof of a higher power in this universe it’d be this. Of all the things left up to chance in this universe, humans and dogs found each other. Anyways, sorry to go off. It’s just something I’m extremely passionate about.

The point I’m making of course, is that dogs are just short of actually being members of our own species, and having a service dog is basically the same thing as asking your kindergartner to get the newspaper or pick up the TV remote you accidentally dropped.

In fact, for many service dogs the tasks they’re trained to perform aren't just basically things like those examples, they’re literally things like those examples.

So lets get some misconceptions out of the way:

“Dogs don’t like working”

Dogs love making us happy. They love helping us. They feel accomplished when they have a participating role in our lives. Especially true for working breeds, it’s actually recommended that dogs get some form of training or work exercise as part of a daily or weekly routine for their own mental enrichment. As well as exercise. All breeds generally associated with service dog and guide dog work have extensive histories of performing tasks for humans. And they love doing it! Retriever breeds are literally named after the fact that they came along to retrieve downed prey animals for their humans. This is basically “fetch” with a purpose. And fetch is the most well-known way we play with our dogs in existence. Retrievers are a popular choice for service dogs because their selectively bred “gentle mouth” and retrieving instincts make them the perfect candidate for a pupper who picks up things you dropped, and can bring you a pill bottle, phone, or emergency pager in a pinch. Dogs who also have the body strength for it get exercise and mental enrichment from performing tasks like balance assist. Just like how sled dogs LOVE sledding. Once again, you've likely heard cases of maltreated sled dogs, but the possibility for being exploited doesn't change the fact that if it’s responsibly managed, these dogs enjoy this line of work. In fact, if you have a sled dog and they don’t get to exert themselves physically, often times by needing far more walks and play, they’re going to be bored and miserable. The dog likes and wants to do these things for us. We just have a responsibility to make sure it’s not hurting them. A person can enjoy their job, and it’s only if something happens like they’re not making a living wage that it becomes exploitative. Dogs are the same. So long as they enjoy what they’re doing and it’s not causing them any issues, they’re probably going to have even more enriched lives for doing it!

“Training is abusive”

Proper training is positive reinforcement. There’s some idiots who think that physically punishing a dog is a good form of training, and I’d like to recommend them this to read. Service tasks pretty much MUST be trained with positive reinforcement. In order to encourage them to perform these tasks. Not only that, but training is a form of mental enrichment. Every dog, regardless of whether they’re a family pet or a working animal should have some form of obedience training. It’s good for them! They feel accomplished. It’s a fun bonding activity to do for a few minutes a day. It is possible for a dog to “burn out” (trained too hard too fast resulting in frustration and giving up) or “wash out” (when interactions are inconsistent, leading the dog to be confused and not behave as indicated) so there are incentives in place to ensure that training is well-paced, moderate, and isn't frustrating to the dog. Proper, positive, and well-paced training is a perfect way to add a healthy routine to a dog’s life and strengthen their bond with you. It’s enriching. In the same way that a crossword puzzle on your commute to work is to you. Dogs like making us happy, they like challenge, and they like accomplishments.

“Dogs aren't consenting to the tasks they are performing”

Remember when I said how routine and doing things to make us happy strengthen our dog’s bond and enrich their lives? Remember how I said that many tasks dogs are trained to do are basically playing but with a purpose? Remember how I said that training for service work is entirely positive reinforcement and dogs are incentively encouraged to do their tasks? This is where animal rights vs animal welfare comes in. The notion that animals should have the exact same rights of personhood that humans have is what the angle these people are going with is reflecting. They see dogs being “tricked” to do things. As them being exploited. Even though these things are fun and enriching for dogs. If a task is something the dog can naturally do, and willingly wants to do, or wants to do to show us they care, they are consenting to it. If I really like my friend’s character so I draw them gift art am I being exploited because they’re getting free art? No.

“Service work is harming the dog”

There are situations where a task could be unfit for a particular breed: ie a lean, thin dog who isn't equipped for pulling being made to do a related task, but this is a problem in an individual situation, one that trainers would look into extensively. A happy and healthy service dog is a service dog who is also ensuring their handler is happy and healthy. There’s no reason that somebody would force a dog to perform a task they physically can’t do, because that would just make life hard on both dog and handler. Professional trainers and laws being put in place are also strongly against this sort of thing. We have publicly available guides all over the place to explain which dogs may not be suited for service work based on temperament or size. It ultimately comes down to the individual, like every situation involving neglect or cruelty. Other issues such as not having your dog wear shoes when they spend a lot of time walking on hot pavement, not ensuring your dog has access to cleanliness, food, and medicine, etc. are not issues exclusive to service dogs. They’re issues for dog husbandry in general. Training organizations and certain parts of the world (Like BC!) will pretty much ensure that the dog is at peak health, or they’re taken back. In BC service dogs must look healthy and clean, pass health examinations from a vet, be up to date with shots, and be sterilized. Otherwise they can’t be a service dog. That’s stricter laws than the ones in place for pet dogs. In this situation a service dog has more protections towards their quality of life than a pet dog does.

Now lets dissect the instagram post point by point:

The default position of veganism is to reject the use of non-human animals. This includes ALL uses, including service animals.

1. note how they say “non-human animals” because veganism loves to kick issues with farmers in developing countries under the rug as I previously explained. 2. INTERSECTIONALITY! Humans ARE animals. You should care about the wellbeing of all animals and nature. This includes humans, especially humans being exploited to provide food. 3. I’m also disgusted by their (repeated) claim that service animals are “used.” As if my massive explanation that dogs do this because they love us isn't pretty obvious if you've spent any portion of your life with a dog.

The key word here is “use.” They are not, and never were, here for us to use. Non-human animals owe us absolutely nothing.

AGAIN WITH THE “USE” I’m about to bite you. I suppose if a child wants their parent to read to them or hug them the parent is also being USED? Dogs don’t owe us anything. Yes. 100% agree. They aren't being forced to do these things because we feel they owe us. They WANT to do things for us. Out of the goodness of their hearts. Because they feel accomplished. Because it enriches their lives. Because they LOVE us. Damn it.

Yet some believe humans do have the right to have certain animals and individuals serve us; therefore, they domesticate them for this purpose. But domestication does not involve consent by all those involved, and there is unequal power in the relationship. Just because individuals CAN be trained to serve us does not mean that they SHOULD.

Yes, it is pretty unfair that many animals were domesticated for our use. But I’m gonna explain it as gently as I can; dogs and humans have a symbiotic relationship. Domestication, like with cats, started out as an accident. Then we started providing for each other. Here we see the consent thing. (refer to my “dogs don’t consent to service tasks” rebuttal. The term “service” IMO is outdated. They’re not serving us like slaves, they’re aiding us like you’d help a loved one who needs your help. And again, training is ENRICHING for dogs. It’s fun. it helps them feel accomplished. It stops them from being bored. If a dog wasn't consenting to being trained they would burn out.

When we adopt non-humans as our companions, we can save them from further exploitation. To continue to use them as tools for human purposes after adoption goes wholly against vegan principles. Therefore, we remain opposed to the use of animals (such as dogs) for human service, even if the animals were NOT bought from a breeder.

For someone keen on arguing for the rights of dogs you really are just going to refer to their role in our lives as “tools” huh? A symbiotic relationship where a dog does nice things because we let them know that we’d want them to isn't them being a tool. It’s them showing us compassion and caring for their family. Also LMAO at the breeder part. Comes out of left field.

Service dogs and the like are still a WANT and not a need. And regardless of treatment, the use of any animal for service promotes the idea that animals are here to work for humans rather than to exist in their own right as individuals.

“A WANT and not a need” oh my god. Fuck you. Living with a dog should be a human right, and living with a human should be a dog right. We exist because of each other, we are made for each other. Our evolution was influenced by each other. There are people who’s lives are made infinitely more livable because of the compassion and care their dog gives them, even if they’re not doing tasks. Dogs pretty much need humans in their lives to have quality of life. I’ll give you a hint. Dogs do exist in their own right as individuals. Individuals who bond with and show their love for their families by doing nice things for them. Why the hell is this so hard for you to understand? Dogs derive enjoyment and accomplishment from the symbiotic relationships we share. Not only that, but based on this instagram post I’d say dogs also have significantly more empathy for others than you do (to be honest I think that’s the case 90% of the time when it comes to humans), because they can understand helping someone out of the goodness of their hearts but you don’t.

If we haven’t already made the point clear, under no circumstances should ANY non-human be used at the hands of humans.

USED USED USED. If you’re so bent out of shape about this why don’t you just rally against keeping dogs as pets in the first place? (some of these people are. I've seen it) I mean, a symbiotic relationship with any sort of power imbalance is in and of itself “use” by your definition. 

Reading this instagram post I’m genuinely concerned if this person has ever been in the same room as a dog before. It’s just really insulting.

Growing up as an abuse survivor, all the dogs I lived with were so empathetic. They knew I needed someone to comfort me, to keep me safe, to let me know everything was going to be okay. They knew. The amount of information that could be transfered between our gazes was astronomical. A dog wouldn't come to you in your darkest hour, when you've beginning to lose your voice from how hard you've been crying, and stay with you for hours on end if they didn't love you. Love is about doing things for each other. Willing sacrifice. Empathy and compassion. If you teach a dog ways that they can help you even further, of course they’re going to want to do that. No matter how messed up and grim our society becomes we’ll always be there for each other. It’s the only constant we know. Humans have an obligation to protect this sacred bond but the fact that some people are so convinced of shit like this is just heartrending. Dogs want to do things for us just as much as we should want to do things for them. And when many of these things bring enrichment to their lives, there really isn't a reason not to let them and help them understand a little better.

In conclusion:

[hqnessa]

year in review - 2018

001. What is your proudest accomplishment of this year?

Definitely everything that’s happened with Riverdale. It’s the best job I’ve ever had, and it’s the biggest one as well. And being ask to come back as a series regular was the best thing that’s happened to me professionally ever.

002. What is the biggest life lesson you learned this year?

To not run from the things, or people that scare you. It does more harm than good. It’s always worth taking the leap of faith despite the fear.

003. What is one relationship (can be friendship) that has helped you survive this year?

There’s two that have changed me as a person this year, and the two people that I wouldn’t be me without. 

Skeet ( @ulrichisms ), you’ve given me the type of love and understanding that I didn’t think was possible. And even though I tried resisting it for a long time, you never truly gave up on me or us. I love you, and I’m so proud and lucky to be yours. 

My Natty Ice ( @itsnataliadyr ), you’re my rock, my sounding board, and my soulmate. I don’t think I could have made it through the year without you, and it’s crazy to think that we didn’t even know each other when 2018 started. We met and you instantly became my person. I love you so much. 

004. Who or what do you need to let go of in order to make next year even better than this year?

I need to let go of the fact that I have no control over what happens with Toni on the show or how much screen time she gets. I’ve really let that bother me for the first half of this season, and I’ve made some comments or liked tweets that I probably shouldn’t have.

005. What did you do this year that you’ve never done before?

Does sleeping with a woman count? Technically, I slept with two women this year but prior to 2018 I hadn’t ever gone that far before. I always knew I was bisexual since I was a teenager, but I hadn’t actually been with a woman until this summer.

006. What are three resolutions or goals you want to make happen next year?

I want to go on more auditions for projects during hiatus and continue to expand my career.

I want to get myself really settled into my life and my future, especially with my relationship. Getting over that fear and showing both myself, and Skeet, that I’m ready for everything with us and build this together. @ulrichisms

And traveling more. Whether it be for more conventions to meet fans or for vacations, I just really want to see more of the world this year.

007. Where did most of your money go this year?

Flying back and forth between LA and Vancouver, and paying for both apartments.

008. What song will always remind you of this year?

In Case You Didn’t Know - Brett Young

009. How will you be spending the last day of this year?

Hopefully in Costa Rica with my baby. @ulrichisms

010. Who is the best new person you’ve met this year?

Definitely Natalia. My life changed because of that girl, she’s the best friend anyone could ask for. @itsnataliadyr

–

001. What relationship (can be friendship) has been the most fun to write for your muse/s this year?

I’ll do the IC questions for each character, but I’ll answer these for all three so I’m not having to do it twice. 

I’ve gushed about her relationship with Skeet and friendship with Natalia up in the IC questions, and while I would love to gush about them some more, I think I’m going to give this one to Laura’s Tom. Writing their friendship has been fun and hilarious since the beginning when they were planning on doing a partners in crime movie and it’s even funnier now with Vanessa pretending to not like him because she’s protective over Natalia. I really enjoy their friendship a lot. @hollandjpg

For Eliza, since I’m going to talk about her relationship a lot when I do the IC questions for her, I’m going to have to give this one to her friendship with Julianne. It was an unexpected friendship, and it’s easily become one of my favorites that I’ve ever had on her. They mesh so well and just bring me so much happiness. @julcshough

And the same goes for KJ, I’ll talk about his relationship in a separate post, so I’ll give this one right to his friendship with Lili. They’re basically connected at the hip half the time, and I love how much their friendship resembles mine and Becca’s a lot of the time. They’re just this pure friendship that’s really rooted in how much they love each other and want each other to be happy more than anything. And I love getting to write with Becca when it comes to them. @liliisms

002. In what ways do you connect to your muse/s?

Weirdly enough, I don’t really feel connected to Vanessa in many ways other than our love for dogs and Choni. She’s probably the muse that has the least amount of qualities I identify with that I’ve ever played. And it’s been fun, because it’s challenging and definitely out of my comfort zone.

Eliza is the muse I probably connect with the most, especially Eliza before Alycia with her fears of commitment and feelings. And her love of Food Network and being lazy, definitely from me. It’s been fun to write the change in her thanks to her relationship and really flesh her out, and watch her mature in ways that I myself can learn from.

KJ is similar to me in the way that I also have that childlike humor and spend most of the time just trying to make people laugh.

003. What’s your favorite category to write for your muse/s? (angst, fluff, smut, etc.)

Definitely fluff, it’s where I thrive but I do enjoy the angst as long as it doesn’t become excessive or unnecessary drama just to create the angst. And I’m not the biggest fan of writing smut, so I don’t do it as much as I do fluff or angst.

004. If you could give your muse/s one gift, what would you give them?

Vanessa: I’d write the scripts of Riverdale and give Toni more importance.

Eliza: Babies. All Eliza wants is babies and I’d give her all the babies.

KJ: I’d give him and Gigi more alone time together.

005. What was your favorite event/moment/memory in HollywoodlandHQ this year?  

Definitely the trip to Greece and the earthquake! I think that was so much fun, and a fun, creative way to pair people up. 

006. What muse/s have you enjoyed most seeing on this dash this year?

Anyone who knows me should know that I’m the number one Granielle fan in the world, so I’m constantly stalking the two of them and just pretending like Colton is there twice a week for a three way cuddle session. @theflashgrant @hyfdanielle

007. What is your favorite thing your muse/s have done this year in the group? (can be in the real world or what you made up)

Vanessa: Can I just say bringing her into the group in general? She’s such a different type of character for me to play, and I’ve loved being pushed to different levels while creating for her. 

Eliza: Getting married, for sure. I’ve been playing her for years now, and to see her finally get her happy ending meant the world to me. She’s the muse I’m the most attached to so it was a very emotional event for me.

KJ: The unexpected pregnancy, without a doubt. It’s changed both him, and his relationship with Gigi, in the best of ways and it’s allowed me to mature him and have him grow in ways that most 21 year olds aren’t having to do. Sadie is the best ship partner in the world, and I’ve loved the way we’ve worked together to make their relationship together and as co-parents into something beautiful but still fun. And they’ve kept that same charm and chemistry that they’ve had together since the first day we started writing together. @gigihqs

008. What would you like to see in HollywoodlandHQ in 2019?

More events to pair people up randomly, it seems to be a popular idea and it’s one of my favorite things as an admin to do because I love seeing all the new friendships that form out of those events. 

009. What is a plot you would love to do with your muse/s?

Vanessa: I would love to just explore her relationship with Skeet more, and continue to build them up and have them grow together throughout 2019. @ulrichisms

Eliza: Babies, I just want mom!Eliza more than anything, okay. And to continue to build up the relationship with Eliza/Alycia/Addy. I’m already really attached to the three of them, and they’re just getting started. So I can’t wait to keep plotting and writing for them. @avyciataylor @addvkins

KJ: Again, I just really want to keep writing with Sadie and see where else we can take Gineti this year. 2018 gave us so much as ship partners, and I can’t wait to see what we do in 2019. @gigihqs

010. Tag somebody in the RP and say something nice about them. It’s the season of giving.

This is the one OOC question that I’ll probably answer on all three just so I can talk about several different people but for this one I’m going to focus on all of the admins. Both past and present.

Sadie, Katie, Bonnie, Becca, Sam, and Alyssa: The seven of us created this place, and it couldn’t have been done without each of you. I know that some of you aren’t admins anymore for your own reasons, but I just want you to know that not a day goes by that I’m not still thankful for all of the hard work and dedication you put into creating and maintaining this group. We’re the OG’s, and I love you all immensely. @ohlizzo @diannahq @hyfdanielle @liliisms @theflashgrant @xmaikamonroe

Laura, Ina, and Nikki: You guys may not have been admins since day one, but you’ve joined the admin team since then and we wouldn’t be where we are today without the three of you. You constantly put in so much work and effort to keep building this place into what it is. And all of is noticed and appreciated. I thank all three of you for everything. @sebffs @itsgenevievegnt @hcurly

Every person listed above are the reasons this group opened and is still open and thriving to this day. Being admins of a group this large is no easy task, there’s always so much work to do especially for events and all the fun stuff we like to do. And all of you are so important to me, and to this group. So thank you all, and I love you.

@hwlandhqgossip

[thegreenhorseman]

We hear it every year, year after year…”This is going to be the worst year for ticks yet.”  It seems to get worse every year.  If this is unfamiliar to you, you might be fortunate enough to live in an area where the concern is not so prevalent.  In the northeastern United States, however, you’d be hard pressed to find a group that hasn’t expressed concern.

Why ticks?

These tiny vile creatures spread several diseases, most commonly Lyme Disease.  Since May is Lyme Disease Prevention Month let’s work to understand HOW Lyme is transmitted. We’ll also explore some steps we can take to keep ourselves and our animals (horses, dogs, cats) safe.

In 2017 nearly 30,000 cases of Lyme disease were diagnosed and another 13,000 were suspected as “probable.” Most of these cases originated in the northeastern United States as seen in the map below thanks to CDC.gov.  The chart following shows the upward trend of Lyme disease throughout the years.

Cases confirmed in the United States 2017.  Courtesy of CDC.gov

Cases of Lyme Disease in the United States 1997-2017 courtesy of CDC.gov

Ticks are arachnids, or eight-legged creatures, that thrive in deep grass and wooded areas.  Often areas where our horses enjoy, of course.  There are several different species of tick and they all have different life cycles, feeding habits, and habitats.

What is a bit more alarming is a new tick to the United States called the Asian Long-horned tick, which can reproduce without a mate.  The video below talks briefly about it.

Most of the time when we think of ticks we think of the most common threat; the deer tick/black-legged tick.  The deer tick is often the source of Lyme disease along with several other illnesses including Anaplasmosis, Powassan, and Tick-Borne Relapsing Fever.  Blade suffered from anaplasmosis in 2017 (Blade’s Got the Blues and Equine Affaire). 

The deer tick begins its life cycle as an egg laid by the females in springtime.  By summer the larva emerges from its egg and waits for a host.  Hosts are typically birds and small rodents.

Freshly hatched ticks they are free of the bacteria that causes Lyme disease.  Only when they feed on their hosts do they pick up the pathogens.  In the United States the bacteria transmitted is either Borrelia burgdorferi or Borrelia mayonii.  Across the pond in Europe and Asia you are more likely to find Borrelia afzelii and Borrelia garinii.

The birds and rodents that feed tick larva carry these species of bacteria without illness; they are simply hosts.  By fall the tick falls from its host and enters its nymph stage. The nymphs are barely visible to the human eye.  These critters lay dormant through the winter but by April/May they begin to emerge again.  They wait for a host to walk by so they can catch a ride.  Using their barbed mouth parts, the tick digs in for a blood meal.  The pathogen inside the tick enters the salivary glands and can be released through the tick’s saliva.  These hosts include us and our loved ones.  Nymphs are often the cause of Lyme disease since they are small and difficult to spot.

By fall the nymphs become adults looking for new hosts.  At 45°F they seek wooded areas to survive the winter.  When they emerge again in spring they continue to look for hosts and mate.  A single female tick can lay 3000 eggs!  After a two-year life cycle the new batch of larva hatches and begins the cycle again.

As you can see, we can become infected by both the nymphs and the adult ticks. The more hosts carrying the bacteria, the more likely it is to spread to us.

The hallmark sign of Lyme disease is the bullseye, a circular rash around the bite.  Symptoms may appear weeks after the bite.  This appears in a majority of cases…but what of our equine friends?

Horses suffering from Lyme Disease may have subtle symptoms.  They might be off mentally, emotionally, and physically.  They may be sore or lame, lethargic, grumpy, neurological, or have a low-grade fever.  Lyme is known to mimic other issues so a vet is critical in ruling out other problems.  Lyme will also elude testing, as there are many cases of Lyme that appear negative on test results.

I’m even learning that Lyme can be a cause for some headshaking in horses.  Headshaking is not commonly listed as a symptom nor have any of my vets over the past two years suggested the possibility.  This is, however, something I plan on looking into after this research. As you may know from past articles, Blade developed headshaking about 18 months ago (shortly after his run with anaplasmosis). Though our tests were negative it could have been one of those instances with a false negative.

Once Lyme has been diagnosed (or suspected) there are a few treatment options.

The most common treatment is called Doxycycline, an ingestable antibiotic often given in a powdered form with food.  A similar drug is called Naxcel.  Despite their popularity with horse-owners they only happen to be 50% effective.

The most effective treatment is more pricey… a study in 2005 reported 100% effectiveness.  The reoccurrence levels were considerably lower in the study as well.  What’s this treatment you ask?  Daily intravenous oxytetracycline.  My vet once called it the “gold standard.”  The reason most horse-owners don’t opt for this treatment is the administration. Having a vet visit and administer the shot every day for 3-5 days is pricey so most horse owners use the Doxy.

If I remember correctly I paid somewhere around $450 for three daily IVs of Oxytet for Blade.

So what are some ways we can prevent this problem from happening in the first place? As the Benjamin Franklin saying goes, “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.”

Lyme vaccines for horses are not available yet.  Studies have shown some effectiveness using canine vaccines on ponies, but it is still far too early.  There are no studies out (yet) showing the safety of this methodology.  Until we have vaccines we are tasked with the footwork that we should be doing anyway.

Checking for ticks often is the first thing you should be doing. Check yourself, check your dogs, check your cats, check your horses.  It takes 24 hours for a biting tick to transmit the disease.  I tend to find most ticks under the cheek, the neck, the chest, and the barrel (especially up behind the back legs).

There are a lot of Facebook experts who have tips, tricks, and endless opinions on tick removal.  The simplest thing you can do is use a good pair of tweezers and pull the tick up slowly and steadily so you remove the whole bug.  Another useful tool can be found in most pharmacies and pet stores.  The tick twister.  This little hooklike tool comes in a couple sizes (at least mine had 3 sizes in the package).  When you find a tick you slide the bug between the openings at the end so it becomes wedged.  From there twist and pull gently.  I have successfully removed many ticks using this tool and I love it. After a tick is removed you may choose to save it in a plastic bag for testing.  Apply alcohol or antibiotic ointment to the affected bite wound to be safe.

Since ticks prefer wooded areas, you can try to stay out of these areas.  That’s easier said than done if you enjoy the outdoors.

Keeping the grass and pasture mowed can be helpful.

Removing piles of leaves and moist ground cover is an excellent way to prevent ticks.  That leftover hay pile?  Let’s get rid of it!

Keeping down the rodent population could be useful.  Non-poison rodent traps, barn cats, and proper food storage go a long way.

Chickens and guinea hens love to eat ticks!

DEET and permethrins are of course some good chemicals that have proven efficacy for the prevention of ticks and other pests.  Some people use them others don’t.  That’s your choice to make.  There are many products on the market including fly sprays, spot-on applications, and even wipes.

I have had mediocre success with feed through pest repellant.  The more I use it the less effective it seems to be (though the first year seemed to make a big difference).

If you are opposed to chemicals more research has been finding useful essential oils that are as effective as the CDC recommended products. The key to the best product is perfecting the volatility ratio of oils.  High volatility essential oils disperse into the air faster.  This helps by preventing ticks from attaching in the first place.  Lower volatility oils will disperse into the air more slowly and have a longer lasting effect.  Check out the Tisserand Institute’s “Tick Talk” (link below) for more information on these oils.  I’ve also shared with you their formulation for DIY tick repellant.

Credit to Tisserand Institute

The thought of ticks and the disease they spread makes my head hurt.  Lyme disease is rarely fatal but it does lead to some frustrating and debilitating complications.

Other diseases like Powassan are rarer but a lot more deadly; this virus is associated with brain swelling.  Here in New York we are already beginning to hear reports of Powassan virus.  One group has found 25-50% of deer in the Adirondacks are positive for the virus and it only takes 15 minutes for the tick to transmit the virus to humans.

Whether Lyme, Anaplasmosis, or Powassan we can take steps to stay healthy and prevent ticks from biting.  It may take some time and effort but it’s completely worth it.

What are some of the methods you use to keep ticks at bay?

REFERENCES AND FURTHER READING

http://ssequineclinic.com/pages/services_lyme.html

https://ker.com/equinews/lyme-disease-horses/

https://equusmagazine.com/management/protect-against-lyme

https://www.vet.cornell.edu/animal-health-diagnostic-center/testing/protocols/lyme-multiplex-horses

https://igenex.com/ticktalk/2018/01/01/a-closer-look-at-the-different-types-of-ticks-and-how-to-identify-each/

https://www.cdc.gov/lyme/stats/graphs.html

http://www.aldf.com/deer-tick-ecology

https://www.cdc.gov/ticks/life_cycle_and_hosts.html

https://www.cdc.gov/lyme/index.html

https://www.lymedisease.org/get-involved/take-action/lyme-awareness-month/

https://tisserandinstitute.org/tick-talk-2/

https://www.adirondackdailyenterprise.com/news/local-news/2019/02/powassan-virus-on-the-up-tick/

What Ticks Me Off We hear it every year, year after year..."This is going to be the worst year for ticks yet."  It seems to get worse every year. 

[the-firebird69]

Celine says that it is our people trying to ride his people into hours our Max and our regular s into his it's really what it is and it shows and the two big ones are doing cuz they have to I know that these idiots will be the fight too and the idiots get small and they don't care because they're going to ride into that in the middle there say they're going to go grab people that's how they're going to do it the problem I have is that they expose what the stuff was over and over silently and cold and conversations they're ridiculous buffoons and he's fooled you you just these Jews to him and that's what you are what do you want for me you know he says just sitting here bothering him to do this so I did was juicy up a little bit 20% and you're over the top and you have no way of telling and screaming it at you you think we're going to do like what you want cuz you wanted your non-powered jackass it's like sit there keep doing it feel bad for him it's real powerful tons of money can't do anything very frustrated and angry with you you know it's a lazy piece of crap Mike and Justin and billion who is homos just sitting there thinking you're going to win this is horrible I get hit so often he tries to help me too and there's tons of power all sorts of things happen for reasons I can't explain just hit me out of nowhere this person helping me the same she's sorry a million times it's only hit me that she may have been possessed you can't figure out from what or how I'm even forced to by Biden is fairly evil and wrong a lot of times. Biden is like a driving force for all this to happen by the way a new elected him now he's going to be emperor he's just like this piss poor guy who doesn't do what I do and it's not my caliber and he says that he's action Jackson and he's pissing and s******* all over everyone cuz he can't stand you cuz you go after his race basically we don't have a war between our races all of us against Max and everyone hates you Max and you're just this lazy assholes expecting stuff to happen that we used to work for you it kind of solution you don't do anything

Ghwb

You're doing something now and CAA says he's talking to you and you won't remember it in a few minutes so I understand that yeah we don't do anything CAA says good. So after you George for what you have what you know it seems to know they exists and that's a problem and he says the family is always been spying on me what the hell were you having him do that you don't know and I say this I don't remember all this stuff and it's kind of hazy but I do know what their job was and is and doing a good job at it so I don't mention it that much but these people are crazy in the bothering me and him and you George will hit you out of nowhere because that's what they do they're a bunch of assholes and they praise themselves for it okay I got to get rid of them and CA knows these people around you're going to lose

Mac

We spent so much money and wasted it on these idiots and they don't do anything right he says this is their headquarters they're holding me here as a prisoner and they're having me do their plan because they're douchebags literally and they're wasting their own way and they don't really care cuz they know the plan is to have Max fight me and fight us and we understand that and the suicidal so going after him he hit me he did it on purpose and we can't stop these idiots and they're stupid we're trying not at the same time these idiots are always in the way then he turned into his mega powerful ones the truth is he's getting away with it but kind of forcing him to do it and these idiots are forcing to do it a lot it doesn't make sense because stupid people are doing it

Ghwb

That's exactly what it is the stupid people in the neighboring him they're too stupid to know that they're stupid by doing it and what we know is something stupid is going to happen and it is huge stupid things are playing to happen to us

Mac

What do you look very stupid to foreigners and they're taking advantage of it that doesn't matter he says and it won't that's really stupid what these stupid people are doing because they don't know they're doing something stupid it's going to continue until something stupid happens to all of us Satanist

Ghwb

No I'll probably proceed with my plan but if you get me out of here at least you'll think you have a chance or maybe act it and some people might believe you have a chance if I stay here it's a stupid place for me to be and these stupid people will be running their lives into the ground as they always do because they're stupid

Zues

This conversation is stupid because it's all true

Hera

You people are stupid cuz you couldn't figure it out and how many people can figure this out this is a rat's nest and so complicated and evil and dangerous something some genius is running it but really it's so stupid at the end of it in the beginning of it you have to know that it's a stupid people and they just got done ruling the Earth and then this crazy action Jackson guys doing it almost no change he's almost as stupid as they are

Ken

I've got to get out of this stupid mess no we made the stupid mess we understand what the delinquencies are sort of no we're stupid that's what it is stupid people do stupid things and we're stupid

Trump

And boy was your presidency stupid this boy took advantage of you every which way but Sunday he was going to town on you too took everything you had in areas in the area he's been raping you like it's like a crazy mother f***** he has almost everything that you had now it's taking everything that you had after that you're the stupidest person I've ever seen Trump you can't figure it out how many of you so stupid you shouldn't be here practically all of you admitted I can't get them out of here he doesn't know where to go either he can't go up there you going to put them on trial that's really stupid then we go on trial you've got us all walked into this it's my advantage and he says finally because someone's going to see how stupid these people are it's true if he goes to court we didn't go to court if he gets stuck in a place like this we feel it it's very stupid but that's what you're doing you're these zenocital people and you want to go after all the other races and you sit there not doing it if it's killing you yeah you're the stupid people too Max but really it's cuz these stupid Max

Ghwb

Realize the situation is stupid frankly everything we do is stupid but frankly today's conversation brings light on something these retarded assholes are far more damaging than just being a stupid joke they're rude they're treasonous they're murderous they steal tons of money and food and stuff eat it squander it and die and don't care is like being surrounded by sick primates and what he said is you take the hair off and you put them in a room and you weaken them a little because they're too strong and you sit around and you can try and tell if they're corky or not and a lot of people have trouble with it cuz he just tell you what to do and stuff then they go at each other they're bunch of assholes like those two little monkeys so I'm going to prove a point and we're going to stick him in a zoo and you'll see George what we're talking about cuz we get stuck in there with him you can't do anything but try and fight them he's making fun of us cuz he didn't really see what happened but a lot of people did and they hate these people and it works what we might do is take him up on it and put five corks in at 10 corks And one gorilla you'll see how the gorilla reacts cuz we've done it so we don't have to redo it he says just send a video and protect your gorilla now cuz it's going to happen and John C Reilly is back but he's thinking stupid things about the gorilla and anyone would really but you know you said dogs heard him and stuff doesn't think that way I try not to who cares power so it's understandable and he's like a person to do a lot of retarded people cuz he thinks on a similar level but he's not he's an animal and he was just in his territory and he's trying to survive he's on the defensive because the real returns corky and put him on defense so John knows that oh yeah so we're going to go to town on you can't stand you I'm going to see if John wants to get his torso back and other people like him look up Garth hate some pretty good for his torso trick this is yes this one's stinky

Mac

It's truly have something and it's a little bit of Hope going to fix ours and straighten these idiots out if they can be but they're a mess horrible and At him all day long and really at us too and they're at UMacs so I'm going to write up how

Ghwb

[vestedbeauty]

Guilty of People Pleasing? How to Stop (Even if This Is How You've Survived Until Now)

New Post has been published on https://vestedbeauty.com/guilty-of-people-pleasing-how-to-stop-even-if-this-is-how-youve-survived-until-now/

Guilty of People Pleasing? How to Stop (Even if This Is How You've Survived Until Now)

OK, so, it’s possible that my people pleasing way of life was just coded into me based on the stars and planets. I’m not personally really into astrology but a lot of people I love are. So, I’ve learned that I may be the Libra-est Libra who ever Libra’d. And apparently people pleasing is a thing for us. 

But while I weigh that a bit (sorry, Libra joke), I’m going to go share my thoughts on this… trait? Flaw? Coping mechanism? Well, whatever category people pleasing falls into, let’s take a look.

It’s a Good Thing Puppies Are Cute

She’s nearly four now but Pickle has settled down a whole lot. (I’m currently working through a dog training course with her and the rest of the pack to see if we can end the jumping up on people nonsense.) When she was tiny, she did a pretty good impression of The Very Caterpillar. She ate through our slippers. She ate through our blankets. She even ate through the drywall in a couple of places.

“Pickle, it’s a good thing you’re cute,” we said, about a million times. And it’s true.

It’s the same with tiny humans. They smell bad. They cry and cry and cry. And they leave their parents exhausted to the point they can barely remember their own names. But on the deepest level there is, we bond with them to the point we’d give our lives to save them.

Still, it’s a good thing they’re cute.

In part, a baby’s cuteness is a way of people pleasing. We cannot function or even survive on our own. Our survival depends on our parents being willing to take care of us, even though we offer nothing in return. 

Last One In Is a Rotten Egg!

Fast-forward a few years, and our world expands from our parents and immediate family outward to include friends, teachers, and a whole lot of people we’ve never met. Humans being humans, we start forming smaller groups. 

Like it was programmed into us, we can get pretty ruthless as we sort through the crowd of humanity. Yes to this one, no to that one. We find best friends and second-best friends (remember that?), and we learn how to fit in. 

But we also get some brutal lessons about living in kid society. We discover the pecking order, watching some kids rise to the top of the social order and others fall into a perilous place where they are practically untouchable. 

The permanent rotten egg, the kid nobody seems to like – even enough to defend when human decency demands it. (I still think about some of the kids I grew up with who were socially brutalized, bullied, cast out. I hope they survived and healed, and while I’m glad I didn’t actively hurt them, I shamefully lacked the courage to befriend them.)

In this Lord of the Flies world, kids learn quickly how important it is to gather allies. Perhaps for the first time ever, they grasp the reality that if they piss people off, they will be shunned and thrust out into the cruel world on their own. 

People pleasing becomes a survival mechanism. I believe that’s where it starts for many of us. We learn to walk, talk, and behave in ways that please our cohort enough to keep us safe.

Keep Your Hands and Feet Inside the Ride at All Times

It doesn’t take a genius to realize it’s crucial to fit into the box kid society draws for its members. Fit or face destruction. 

So, we contort ourselves to fit. If some odd bit refuses to fold neatly into the box, we cut it off. Survival demands ruthlessness.

… Got a weird hobby? Not anymore.

… Have a weird freckle on the bottom of your foot? Shoes, forever.

… Freaky smart at some subject or another? No. Get a ‘B’ and live.

… Set your sights on a career that seems a little “extra”? Probably don’t talk about that anymore.

It’s not like that for everyone, of course. And there are pockets of welcoming hearts who’ll accept people as they are, thank goodness.

But I suspect this is when many people pleasers develop their modus operandi. People pleasing can look like:

Having a hard time saying no (or even wanting to)

Feeling gutted if someone’s displeased with you

Agreeing with what others decide because you know you can make anything work

Feeling like you’re responsible for other people’s emotions or experiences

Apologies… so many apologies… for everything

Conflict avoidance at any cost

A persistent craving for praise from others

Inability to admit or express “negative” emotions

Struggling to make decisions that impact other people

This nasty list makes sense when you understand that a people pleaser weighs the safety of every word, step, and choice. It makes even more sense when you realize they may have zero experience moving through the world in any other way.  

When Enough Is Enough

As a young woman, I took all of this to the next level by choosing a very public life as a pastor’s wife for a couple of decades. Pairing my childhood fascination with Emily Post’s etiquette book with the deep desire to be a good example, I had that box’s contents under control. The stakes seemed to be of eternal significance, after all. 

But I learned something huge, courtesy of one of many youth group outings that ended with dinner. It took decades for this lesson to register, but now I can’t unsee it.

“Kids don’t know diddly-squat about what’s good and what’s not good.”

Given the choice between filet mignon and a burger from McDonalds, pretty much every kid in every youth group we ran would choose the golden arches. I could rattle off a bunch of similar examples, but you get it. Discernment comes with age. 

That’s why the nerd gets the girl… later in life. Once we can embrace our greatness, right in the face of a crowd that punishes outliers, we flourish. We can become who we were always meant to be. Not coincidentally, that’s when we also find deep personal fulfillment and a sense of finding and fulfilling our purpose.

Allowing some pre-pubescent ghost from decades gone by to dictate how you show up in the world just seems silly. That whole threat to expel you from society for not fitting in becomes laughable. 

I mean, it’s not even a thing anymore, anyway. 

Who, in the adult world, roams the halls of their home or workplace, shoving people into lockers? What adult taunts someone else about what they brought for lunch – or the fact that person dared to eat when people could see them? And what adult torments another adult for having a passionate interest in an offbeat hobby? 

Ridiculous.

You’re Not the Boss of Me!

I’m half-obsessed with Scotland. Many of my family’s roots start there. I freaking love that place, the music, the terrain, the food, the whisky, the spirit of the people – it’s got my heart. Anderson there is like Smith or Jones in America. The Anderson crest reads “Stand Sure.”

Oh, the irony.

That hit me hard as 2020 came to a close. It was both the best and the worst motto I could imagine. These two words, I’d seen on a crest on the wall for as long as I could remember. But it wasn’t really for me.

Some people, as a new year approaches, choose a word for the new year to embody for them. I chose “Stand Sure.”

It felt dangerous. Like, I knew this was going to impact my whole “tread lightly” philosophy in life. I had absolutely zero ideas about how I’d possibly go about addressing my people pleasing. It was so ingrained in me, like when a surgeon refuses to cut out a brain tumor because the brain has grown around it. Or, like separating conjoined twins. This seemed like something I’d just have to live with forever.

MindFix Did the Impossible

I’ve done some woo-woo stuff along my personal development journey. That includes walking on fire, walking on broken glass, climbing redwood trees and jumping off (harnessed in!) to grab a trapeze, and SO many seminars. They all helped me grow. A lot. But during a long weekend in January, I got to work with the team at MindFix. 

And it changed everything. But only in the areas where I’ve applied it so far (haha – only a few  amazing, miraculous changes!)

Going in, I knew roughly that I wanted to work on this whole people pleasing thing. That’s it. I didn’t know how to even describe it. It felt embarrassing, vague, and permanent. In fact, we never actually discussed it directly. We worked on some other things. It wasn’t until a few weeks later that I noticed its absence.

I can’t even begin to explain how Erin and her team do what they do. I won’t even try. 

But I can explain this…

I came to a realization that the SUPREME DIRECTIVE under which I’d lived most of my life… was proclaimed by a little kid. A little kid who’d choose a $.67 mass-produced burger over a delectable filet mignon. 

You Don’t Know Nuthin’ about Nuthin’

That kid did her best to protect me. To her, safety depended on fitting into a box. Anything that didn’t quite fit should be bent or lopped off.

I’d outgrown her in every way. But I was still listening to her, so life apart from people pleasing felt dangerous. I still exhibited most of the symptoms above – and those behaviors were hurting me.

The work we did helped me go after this dragon and slay it. In realizing that kid version of me was just trying to help, but really didn’t know how, it opened a whole new possibility… just being me.

I could see evidence indicating it was safe to shut her down.

I have weird hobbies (drone flying, chicken raising, classic VW ogling, front yard gardening – just for starters). Nobody torments me over that. (I mean, can you imagine how insane that would be?)

My mate and I are flat-out weird (so much ink, in bed by 7, both creatives – and that list goes on). Nobody follows us, taunting us. (I mean, we did get called the perfect insult in the VW restoration world… Billy-Bob shade-tree Chip Foos wannabes – I can’t even tell you how many giggles I’ve had over that pejorative on our YouTube channel.)

Even my work life is strange (I’ve discovered that the way my brain operates is REALLY unusual. Some would see it as a huge plus; others would find it perplexing.) 

And then there’s this one “flaw” that put me in danger of ostracism so much that I shut it down entirely… until I saw it differently and felt safe valuing it.

It’s my capacity to love, like geeking-out, human exclamation point levels of enthusiasm for certain people. (I always gathered that I was too sensitive, too excitable.) That one’s back in play big-time, and it adds incredible joy to my life. Like, one of my favorite things to do is to SEE someone’s greatness and then tell their story in a way that others see it, too.

If This Isn’t Irony…

So, “Stand Sure” is in play. 

Undoubtedly, there’s still a little kid inside, desperately trying to keep me in line by pleasing people. But she sure seems quiet these days.

I did crack up, though, when a colleague mentioned that since the start of the year, I’d really started to own my own value. He continued, “I’m not seeing that people pleasing way you used to show up.” And that… that pleased me greatly.

Who knows what else is possible? The best is yet to come.