#but whatever he decides to do i feel like he'd love to just............ create. whether it be for himself or others

[astrolavas]

thinking about the... potential clawthorne woodcarving mentorship.

+ bonus cuz also thinking abt how if hunter ever met dell's palisman and got reminded of flapjack, he'd probably feel bad abt making that association cuz he knows what it's like to be seen only as someone's different version (even though the bird wouldn't mind much so lol)

[dean-winchester-is-a-warrior]

All In or All Out?

Summary: Dean needs an answer.

Warnings: None really.

Pairings: Dean Winchester x Y/N

Word Count: 625

A/N: I got this very fun ask:

Anonymous asked: use a photo on your phone camera roll and write a quick scene/hc for it

So, the photo above is the one I used. Hope you enjoy what I came up with for it. ❤️

The beautiful divider below and at the bottom was created by @talesmaniac89

"You gotta decide here and now." Dean told her in a low, firm voice. "I know it's not fair."

He looked up at her standing in front of him and tried to catch her gaze, but she purposely wasn't looking. "And you can think I'm an asshole if you want." He continued with a shrug. "That's your right, and you're probably not wrong."

Y/N shook her head, still refusing to look at him, far too aware of the sway those green eyes had over her. But Dean finally reached up to grab her chin and force her gaze back to his.

"Hey." He said quietly. "Look at me." 

She did, and she fell - like she knew she would. She would fall for this man forever. 

"I need to know, sweetheart." He said huskily. "You have to be all in or all out in this life. I know, because I've tried straddling the fence before and it just doesn't work. Live like that and hunters miss things, or they lose focus and they fumble. So, if we're gonna be together, I mean for real, for life," he was the one to drop his gaze this time, "then, Baby, you gotta decide if you can deal with me as a hunter, whether or not you can live this life with me."

She saw the muscle in his jaw flex. "Or, if it's too much for you then…okay. That's," he licked his lips, biting into the bottom one before clearing his throat, "that's okay. I get it."

He captured her gaze again and smiled softly. But his eyes were sad and they made Y/N’s heart ache. "But look…whatever you decide, sweetheart, I’ll always love you. That won't ever change."

Y/N closed her eyes and thought about the future she'd have with him; living in constant fear of losing him, watching him beat himself up when he lost people, knowing there was no way for her to stop him from doing that, putting up with him when he lashed out at her because the weight of the world was bearing down on his shoulders, and even knowing there might be some things he'd prioritize above their love - saving the world tended to be a sacrificial gig. 

She thought about all the bad, and tried to weigh it against the good, as she'd been doing for days since Dean first said that he needed her to give him an answer. She'd tumbled everything around and around in her mind and finally she was coming to the conclusion that there were dozens of reasons, big and small, for her to say no, to bow out.

And only one reason to stay, one reason to sign on to a hunter's life and that was the hunter sitting in front of her now. The reasons all boiled down to one very real, inescapable truth.

If she walked away from Dean Winchester, her soul would stay behind. 

She would never not need him, never not crave him. She was never, ever going to be able to say goodbye to that smile, and those eyes that held enough pain for fifty lifetimes, but that could still sparkle, bright and beautiful.

So, the choice he was giving her, wasn't really much of a choice. She was lost at their first hello.

She leaned forward and cupped his cheeks in her hands, her heart squeezing when he nuzzled into the touch.

"There is no other answer for me, Dean. You are my answer. My only answer." She shrugged and smiled lovingly before she pressed her mouth to his, feeling the heat of his lips sweep across her skin. She pulled back and, pressing her forehead to his, she made her vow.

"I'm all in."

Tags below the cut:

1 - Jensen RPF + Any/All characters Jensen plays. @lyarr24 @deans-spinster-witch @impalaslytherin @maggiegirl17 @akshi8278 @candy-coated-misery0731 @deanswaywardgirl @slytherinlyn314 @globetrotter28 @jensensgirl @perpetualabsurdity @tristanrosspada-ackles @djs8891 @muhahaha303 @kayyay1219 @emily-winchester @recoveringpastaaddict @maximumkillshot @mimaria420 @sacriceria @envyaurora95 @lacilou @jc-winchester @spnwoman @mimi-luvzyu

2 - Dean Winchester Fics Only. @carryonwaywardgirl

3 - Any/All Fics (regardless of fandom/character.) @kazsrm67 @sexyvixen7 @alexxavicry @nancymcl @spalady26

4 - Everything (includes fan vid/DOOL edits as well) @unabashed-lover-of-fictional-men @maliburenee @supernatural4life2022 @spn730015 @kickingitwithkirk @waywardbaby @foxyjwls007 @deanwanddamons @deandreamernp @deanwithscissors @myloversgone @snowlovespie @leigh70 @all-alone-he-turns-to-stone @charred-angelwings @hopefuldreamers-world @jensensgotyoudean @thoughts-and-funnies @magssteenkamp @princessmisery666 @eevvvaa @mishkatelwarriorgoddess @waynes-multiverse @mrsjenniferwinchester @bernasaurus @jensenslady79 @courtn92 @avanatural @ellie-andthemachine @this-is-me19 @roseblue373 @katbratsupernaturalwhore @fanfic-n-tabulous

[the-marshals-wife]

Revenant (Baylan Skoll x Reader)

A/N: I know that not many people have written this character in light of Ray Stevenson's passing, but I want to help keep the legacy of his amazing portrayal alive by continuing to imagine and create stories with Baylan. I truly that hope this one will inspire others to do the same. Fic starts with his perspective, then switches to reader's POV when Y/N appears (marked with a ☀︎).

Description: Baylan Skoll x Fem!Reader, hurt/comfort + fluff | Warnings: none 'cept reunion kisses, hehe | Word count: 1,960

Gif credit: user dustysalmon

Imagine being Baylan's secret love from long ago, brought back by an ancient power

The threads of destiny are difficult to untie. Baylan Skoll knew this all too well, feeling tangled within them for many years. Yet it seemed his arrival on Peridea had finally given him a true line to follow. A great power called out to him, and though it was elusive, he was certain that something more than just hope led him onward. The siren song had taken him far into the wilderness, traversing into the desolate unknown. Having discovered a distant light on the horizon to guide him, the feeling he'd been chasing only strengthened.

However, it was not long after spotting the beacon that he became distracted from his course by a separate, ethereal energy. It was also powerful, but it was distinct from the other entity he sensed. Unable to ignore it for very long, he decided to travel toward it. Having crossed the valley west of his original path, Baylan now stood in the shadow of a vast mountain before the opening of a cave. Above the entrance, there were runes carved into the gray stone, different from the Dathomiri ones he had seen. These appeared to be more ancient, faded from weather and time. Several moments passed as he contemplated whether to enter, staring into the silent darkness.

"The pathway to knowledge is fraught with difficulty," he reminded himself.

The words both assured and haunted him, having been said to him by his master countless times, so very long ago. That time, that world, seemed as ancient as the place he now found himself in.

He heaved a sigh and walked forward. He accomplished only a few steps before the daylight behind him had diminished beyond helpful visibility. Noting the sufficient space remaining between him and the ceiling, he retrieved his lightsaber and ignited it above him, the reddish-orange blade shining enough to let him proceed. Its steady hum was the only sound to be heard as he tread carefully ahead.

The feeling grew stronger with every step he took. It was one of familiarity, and it put him on edge. It could be a trap of some kind, he'd thought, yet he could not sense any immediate threat. Whatever called to him wanted to be found. He resolved to remain alert, and drew deeper into the cave.

Soon after, the walls gradually drew close. Baylan lowered his lightsaber and held it out before him, the space becoming too narrow to keep it overhead. A few minutes later, he finally caught a glimpse of light. The pitch black turned to a blue dimness, and the once uniform stone surrounding him now possessed long, jagged cracks, each and every crevice emanating a pale, sapphire glow. Even the floor beneath him gave the appearance of treading on fractured, shining glass. He cautiously approached the end of the tunnel. Beams of greater intensity radiated toward him like a sun.

The passageway opened into a tall, wide cavern, bathed in blinding light. Baylan attempted to shield his eyes as he stepped towards the source. The power surging around him was stronger than anything he'd ever felt before. The sound of rushing wind filled the space, but all was still. He strained to catch a glimpse of the crystal pillars in the center of the room, encircling the bright glow.

Before he could approach any further, the sound diminished into silence, and the light suddenly began to cease. At its center, a luminous figure emerged. Baylan watched as the remaining light withdrew into the flickering columns and revealed what could only be called an apparition.

"Impossible," he uttered.

He extinguished his lightsaber and replaced it on his belt, never tearing his stare away.

"Y/N," he breathed, "It cannot be,"

Was it the planet playing tricks on him? Witchcraft? A vision sent to punish him for transgressing an arcane power?

It did not matter. You were here.

☀︎

The starlight that had filled your vision just moments ago started to fade, your heart pounding in your chest. You gasp as air returns to your burning lungs. You're unsteady on tingling legs as you try to take in your surroundings through blurred eyes. A pool of blue light recedes around your bare feet until only a shimmering floor of stone remains. The cool, silk sleeves of a white gown adorns your arms as you begin to feel sensation in your limbs once more.

You hear your name spoken from behind, recognizing the voice.

Heart now racing, you try to blink the blurriness away. At last your eyes focus, and as you turn around, you see a face you know as well as your own.

"Baylan?"

"It's not possible," he whispers, stepping nearer, "You...you are one with The Force."

He slowly reaches out to you, and you inch forward to close the distance. His gloved fingers lace through your hair as he gently touches the side of your face. His breath hitches at the contact.

"It is you," he says, his eyes shining with tears, "You're here."

Your own tears blur your sight once again as you lean into his touch. "I'm here."

"But how..." he questions, "You did not-"

Anguish seizes his voice as he's overcome by the memory. You draw closer and clasp his arm, reassuring him of your presence.

He gazes into your eyes, finding the strength to finish. "You did not survive."

"I did not," you agree, "I was in the Netherworld. At peace."

Baylan's composure only weakens further as you speak on.

"I was dreaming of you. I dreamed that you were lost...in a great darkness. The light was not far from you, but you couldn't see it. I kept calling out for you, but you didn't hear me," you recall, the vision already seeming distant, "Then the light came toward me. It was so bright, I couldn't see you anymore. Even when I closed my eyes, all I could see was the light."

You pause, looking to him longingly. "And now, I am here."

He shakes his head, fighting the disbelief. "I don't understand."

"Neither do I," you say, placing your hands on his chest, "But all is as The Force wills it."

He grins at your words. "I've missed you more than I can bear, my love," he confesses, a tear falling from his eye, "If this is a dream, I wish to never wake."

You choke back a sob, trembling with joy. Only his name escapes from your tightened throat. "Baylan."

He pulls you into an embrace, and you melt into his strong, comforting arms. There was nowhere in the universe you felt more safe. You look up and begin to lose yourself in his deep blue eyes, just as you'd done countless times before. The space between you disappears as you surrender to a desperate kiss of equal yearning and passion.

You both smile as you break away, faces lingering close. He gazes upon you, enraptured, holding you tightly. "I have so much to tell you."

In your heart, he was the same man you knew and loved from what felt like a lifetime ago. Yet, as your eyes drifted from his greyed beard to examine the black fabric beneath your fingertips, you sensed much had also changed. You wanted to know everything, but your intuition would not abate, and your thoughts had begun to cloud.

"What is this place?" you ask, surveying the iridescent walls around you.

"It's quite a story. Like the ones we were told as children," he chuckled, "Many things I once thought were myth have been very recently proven otherwise. If the legends about them are true as well, then I believe this is one of the well-springs of the Living Force."

"But that means," you falter, looking back at him wide-eyed, "we must be on..."

"Peridea, yes," he confirms.

"Baylan, you found it! The stories were true, you found the pathway!" you exclaim.

"And so much more. This place is far greater than what the Jedi could have foretold," he says, releasing you to take your hands in his, "Now, we will share in its glory together. There is nothing left to stand between us. No Order, no war, no hiding. Everything we once spoke of, it can come to pass."

You want nothing more than to accept his wonderful words, but there was much you still didn't know. Apart from this day, you had not been granted sight of Baylan while in the Netherworld. Yet even in your rest, you'd had several visions of suffering and conflict enveloping the galaxy as The Dark Side permeated The Force. A great evil had spread throughout the stars, and now a shadow of dread grew in your mind that you could not shake. What if the premonition from before you awoke was meant as a warning? Had that same darkness truly overcome your beloved? Surely, he had not fallen beyond the reach of the light.

You realize the turmoil within you must have shown, for now Baylan looks over you with concern.

"Share your burdens, my love," he says, softly raising your chin up, "The Force has reunited us. Why does your heart ache?"

You hesitate, not entirely sure of the answer yourself. "I don't ever want to be parted from you again." It was not untrue; you did fear losing him above all else.

"I give you my word, you will never be taken from my side again," he vows, gently cradling your face in his hands, "No power can stand against us. We can make this world our own. Everything I have, it will be yours also. There is nothing I won't give to you, and nothing I will not do."

You can't help but smile. Tears return to your eyes as he continues.

"It is our destiny, Y/N. That is why you were brought back to me. There can be no other purpose. Together, henceforth, we will remain united."

He carefully thumbs away the tears from your flushed cheeks, and proceeds to press a kiss to your knuckles, sealing his promise.

There was no power to rival that which he had over you. Your heart indeed ached fiercely, with a devotion unaltered by time or distance.

"I love you. I have never stopped, and now I can say it aloud without fear," you declare with a soft, triumphant laugh, "I love you, Baylan."

"And I you, Y/N, as the sky loves the stars," he replies, wholly sincere, "Much has changed, I cannot deny that. But what I feel for you has never faded, and it never will."

You respond to his confession by wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him into another kiss, which he fervently returns. You pull away many heartbeats later, savoring each second of tender rediscovery.

Baylan's eyes soften as he smiles again. "Would you like to see the sky, my star?"

"More than anything," you answer, "But let us stay in this moment, just a little longer."

He brings his forehead to rest upon yours. "As you wish."

Not everything had changed. Baylan Skoll could still read your mind as if it were his own, put your doubts to rest as quickly as they arise, and remained the love of all of your lives. You didn't need The Force to tell you something in him was darker than before, but you weren't going to rush into uncovering it. You truly seemed to have been given a second chance, and all you wanted was to cling to the man you loved, just as you had those long years ago. This moment was all that you needed, and it was sweeter than any dream, in this galaxy and the next.

[redamoureux]

Hello! I saw your headcanons and I loved your work, so I decided to request something myself.

Could you write about the Medic with a teenage daughter (you can alter to be gender neutral if you prefer) except this daughter, is a clone of his?

I'm guessing it was one of his experiments that he grew attached to, and saw as his own kid. Maybe headcanons of how she would be with her dad, or with the other mercenaries?

Tysm!!

General Red/Blu Medic with Clone Child Darling headcanons

↳ content warning: fluff, comfort, light angst, small mentions of objectifying darling, darling is semi-medic's child?, gender neutral darling, ooc(?)

• genre: platonic

• a/n: not my best work jshbn and kinda rushed- and ngl this somehow kinds of reminded me of emesis blue but bit lesss angst, lol thanks for requesting!

It was just an experiment. They're just an experiment.

Yet, who could've expect him to love them as if they were an actual human? He certainly hadn't think so much about it either.

Sure, he is somewhat fond and affecionate towards his experiments, but it was in a rather twisted sense and because they showed good results.

If the results doesn't satisfy him as much.. well, he'd still care for them, just not as much as for the succesful ones.

After a small success in a project he and engineer had collaborate to create, an idea came into his mind.. although even he wasn't sure what he wants to do, he decides to give it a try. After all, he is a scientist! What kind of scientist doesn't like to try out new things?

Was he crazy to mix his DNA into this to create something akin to this humanoid like creature? Maybe.

Was he crazy to somehow brought this thing to life and gives it its own sentience? Hah, no!

The mercs can complaint all they like about how weird and creepy the duplicates and clones in his lab are, he cares about good results! If that means almost filling his lab with those things so be it. Atleast heavy doesn't mind it so much.

You were yet another clone of a bunch prototypes he'd worked on. Unlike the other clones which would often break, you were much more capable! Sure there were some flaws but that can easily be fixed. He's just so delighted to have created such a impressive outcome!

Oftentimes he'd make you do things that's almost against your will but that's fine. Just some reiterating and you should be exactly like what he wanted.

But that didn't happen. Instead it makes you more aware. It's like you are an actual human and it takes awhile for him to actually acknowledge this. When he do, he'll also realize how his ways of showing his favoring changes to actual love.

The others would pointed it out, how he treated you alot better than his other experiments. How he'd brush your hair and interacted with you as if he's talking to his own kid. Some had expected this however, he is mad anyway.

Soon he see how the others treated you over time, from awkwardness and confusion to slowly warming up to you and accepting you! It makes him feel happy that they aren't forever so frightened by you. You are his best after all. He's also pleased how you went from hating doing experiments with him to actually enjoying it aswell. He doesn't want you to miss out to the fun!

Would probably read you bed stories whether if you asked for it or not, be it from books he had when he's younger or just random stuffs he thought of.

Outside battlefield stuffs, he enjoys doing domestic and simple things he didn't think he wanted to do before.

Medic didn't realize how much he actually enjoys the idea of having a child or rather because it is his own creation, either whatever the reason is, he's just grateful for your existence.

REBLOGS/ FEEDBACK/ COMMENTS ARE APPRECIATED!

@redamoureux

[recreationalfanfics]

Blue Lock Boys × Fem! Native! Reader: You Bead Something For Them

Disclaimer: ANOTHER POST FOR ALL MY FELLOW NATIVES, NON-NATIVES ARE ALLOWED TO INTERACT WITH THIS POST AS LONG AS YOU ARE RESPECTFUL OF OUR CULTURE. Again, all Indegenious/Native Tribes are different so I sadly won't be able to represent all of our people but I am gonna try and keep this as general as possible!

Cultural Context: My favorite part of our culture has always been beading and there are two types of beading: looming (where you use a loom essentially) and applique embroidery, where you just bead on designs with a sewing needle and thread! I will be talking about the embroidery one in this post since its one I've seen my tribe do a lot so I hope you all enjoy!♡

Reo Mikage:

- Your beading has always been so impressive to him. Not only is it the patience you have when you do it but also, the way your hand is so steady, and how creative you have to be with the beads in order to get the picture and design you want.

- HE WILL BUY YOU SUPPLIES, TOO. What fabric do you need to put your beads on? What specific brand of beads do you want? Do you want him to have people make you your own custom glass beads??? Just, like, stuff like that.

- He loves it when you walk around, a pair of shoes flashing an old design you did a while ago. Some beads had broken off and went missing a few times so some of the design was gone but he still liked how it looked on you!

- He also loves the texture of your beadwork, looking at a work in progress design you had laying around from a year ago and asking if it was if he could touch it, admiring the craftsmanship even tho you tell him that it still looks a bit sloppy, he loves it all the same and doesn't understand how you can see any flaws in it.

- You have made designs based off of him, too. Using beads colored purple that are his exact eye and hair color. Whether you made it into an earring or necklace for yourself, he doesn't really care, he just LOVES seeing you wear it honestly.

- So one day you decide that you want to bead something for him. Maybe his shoes? Obviously not his soccer ones but shoes that he wears on his days out or something. Maybe a bracelet that he can always wear whenever you aren't allowed in Blue Lock! Or perhaps just do something on his bag?

- Either way, whatever you decide to give him, HE LOVES IT. He is careful with it however, even if you assured him that you sewed the thread and beads together as best as you could to make the design more hardy but he's still very careful with it.

- HE TRIES TO PAY FOR IT AT FIRST. LIKE, HE KNOWS HOW MUCH TIME IT TAKES FOR YOU TO DO THESE THINGS AND HE'D FEEL SO BAD, but you assure him that you don't really want his money (especially after he already got you such expensive and high grade supplies) and that you just wanted to gift this to him because he means so much to you and that you really appreciate him respecting your culture and being so supportive of you that you just want to give him something in return.

- AND HE LOVES IT BECAUSE THERE IS NOTHING ELSS LIKE IT. The design you did was personalized from HIM. The time and attention you spent on this was for HIM. MONEY WILL NEVER BUY HIM ANYTHING THIS SPECIAL. So he will cherish the ABSOLUTE HELL out of your gift.

- He's fiercely protective of it and when he misses you, he just lays and admires it and your handiwork.

Rensuke Kunigami (Pre-Shidou):

- Rensuke is so interested in it, honestly. Like, he'll ask you all the time what designs you're thinking of doing, how you arranged the beads to get them to look like that. Just a whole bunch of questions but he knows you won't get annoyed and will answer all of his questions.

- Doesn't mind sitting in silence as you bead and he's practicing kicking goals into the net. He likes the comfortable silence and sometimes, he'll just smile at you lovingly as you furrow your brows and carefully place different colored beads that join together to create a beautiful pattern.

- He does make sure to check for needles when he's over at your place because last time when he sat on a couch, he accidentally sat on a needle that you placed there so it wouldn't fall or go missing. It didn't hurt that much but, you know, it's a needle. At least you let him know where you place your needles.

- If you ever spill your beads, he will help you pick them up and idk why but its just really cute to imagine him crouching down and helping you pick them and just being REALLY attentive about it. Especially if it was his fault, like he knocked over your plate of beads with a soccer ball or something but POINT IS, HE IS THOROUGH.

- He likes seeing all the bags, shoes, if you have a blue lock id that came with a lanyard (for when you are permitted to visit) then yeah, you're totally beading that too.

- Gets defensive if someone says anything that puts you, your art, or your culture down. Like, you're doing some beadwork and one of the guys just asks why you do something so pointless and Kunigami immediately jumping to your defense.

- "Just because you don't understand it doesn't mean it's pointless. You don't know how much work and time it takes them." and then he proceeds to just casually beat them in the next match he has with them.

- If you ever give him something you beaded as a gift, he will cherish it. I personally think he'd look cool with beaded necklace with a soccerball on it. You're embarrassed because you think it's really generic but he is absolutely stoked about it!

- Obviously he can't wear it in Blue Lock but anywhere else? He'll proudly wear it with you, making sure the bright patterns are visible for everyone to see and running his fingers against it and feeling the texture and smiling to himself about all the long hours you put into making this for him.

- He also knows sometimes you stay up late to make things though or finish up a few things on your beading but he will definetly urge you to go to bed and when you resist, he just carefully takes the needle from you and wraps an arm around you and you're about to protest but you let out a yawn and sigh and begrudgingly admit that he might be right.

Ryusei Shidou:

- Homie has BEEN asking for something from you ever since he learned that you do that. To be honest, he definetly thinks there are some parts of your culture that are cool as fuck but some of them are stereotypes that you might need to correct him about and he's willing to listen.

- But back to the beading thing, he saw how some of your things had various different tribal patterns or just some designs you thought looked cool and he asked where you keep getting that stuff and is fairly impressed when you tell him you made it yourself.

- "YOU SHOULD MAKE SOMETHING FOR ME. Like, a super badass design on my jersey!"/ "Ryu, that design would probably break. I could do a leash though, that'd be more useful."/ "I could work with that~"

- However when you start working on his gift, he soon realizes that the beading process of it takes your time. Aka, time that you could've spent with HIM. So he'll whine and ask you to pay attention to him and you have to be there like: "Shidou, YOU ASKED FOR THIS." and he's all: "I KNOW, BUT I'M DYING OVER HERE, BABY!"

- He has knocked over your plate of beads before, let's be honest. He doesn't mean to do it, he's just so easily excited and energetic and a huge fucking menace that its sadly the price the you pay for being in love with him. He'll help you pick them up but he's so fucking annoyed with them too because THEY'RE SO STUPID SMALL, HOW DO YOU DO ANYTHING WITH THEM!?

- Also if he ever hears you go: "Fuck!" and hiss in pain, he knows for a fact you probably poked yourself and he walks over to you and PUTS THE TIP OF YOUR FINGER WHERE YOU POKED YOURSELF IN HIS MOUTH.

- You pulled your hand away the first time and said: "RYU, WHAT THE HELL-" to his excuse was "What? Just kissing it better for you.~" So he just does that and you're going to have to accept that. Might teasingly bite your finger when you remind him you still have to work on his gift.

- When you finally finish with it, HE IS SO OBNOXIOUS IN SHOWING IT OFF. Like, he's talking about how great and talented his s/o is and how they're so cool and if anyone makes fun of it, he is gonna need to be locked up again. IF ANYONE TRIES TO TOUCH IT, HE WILL BE IN PRISON FOR LIFE.

- Tbh he might break it during like a fight or he just was too rough so you do have to make some repairs to it and while you're semi-annoyed, you think its really cute how he gets so upset about it until he starts talking about how he's gonna murder the guy he was scrapping with. If he has to wait because you don't have the right color beads, he will be moody with everyone (except you♡) and he'll be patient for when its ready.

- Ryusei loves seeing you wear the jewlery that you made tho, there's something so mesmerizing about you casually representing your culture that just makes him feel some kind of way. Idk why but he'd def like the dangly beaded earrings you wear, they're just super pretty on you. He can't explain it.

[marazhaibrainrot]

Like legit owlcat needs to fix that lock marazhai in the cargo hold route stuff cause it actually resolves the issues I (personallly) have with dom!RT and sub!mara, because it's not about squeamishness, it's about control, and controlling every little aspect of this delusional elf that has for whatever reason decided to crawl into the beasts den and stay there instead of booking it the moment they left commoragh. Like it's not the feasting/hunting that gets me, it's the fact that for how possessive/controlling full dom!RT seems to be at times, letting marazhai hunt free his corner of the decks as he pleases seems to be not that.

So this got kind of long sooo

It feels like it was supposed to be

- marazhai has full reign of ship = sub!RT

- marazhai has feasting area = nuetral, heretic RT who is not romancing him, it's a compromise between sustaining him and also keeping him contained and also chaos and heresy

- keep him locked up and control his diet/feed him/make him beg for it = dom!RT

And like lowkey there's precedent for this with the bed scene where there's just not sub version of it no matter what. And so I choose to believe that there's alternate sub route for how to handle the locked up Marazhai route that we were denied. (Or I could just be projecting my own desires/interpretations onto marzipan lol, toybox archeology and its consequences)

Sub!marazhai is interesting in the sense that he's always creating openings for you to assert your dominance and I'm thinking that a fully realized dom!RT shouldn't be waiting or watching for those openings, fun and salacious as they are, instead creating/opening them as they desire.

There seems to be this sense of dignified 😈 around this elf, which yeah he's trueborn and that's sort of a big deal for the drukhari, even if this one is a loser.

He has this dark grace and I want dom!RT to have noneee of that.

I want their dynamic to be a mix of, RT still has an axe to grind with marazhai, but they also find the flashes of submission from this ruinous creature unexpectedly appetizing and want more, much much more.

And marzipan existing in a state of assuming he'd be introducing RT to his culture and the drukari condition and slowly testing and teaching them and then finding the carpet pulled out from under him when RT ends up being much more experienced than he was prepared for and much more demanding in ways he wasn't prepared for.

Oh, Marzipan needs to feed on suffering to not wither away? Well instead of that being something he gets to take for granted that he will be fed, that it will be conditional, a reward. I want to him to squirm for it. To question whether RT will actually seriously give him up to slaneesh just like that. I wish you could do that btw, you can offer him to the inquisition, you should certainly be able to- oh wait you can yeah, with the daemonettes.

But it's not a proper equivalent though, a proper equivalent would be drawing a straight up ritual circle, parking his betrayed and terrified self in it and kissing him goodbye. Better if after the brand because sure, he thought it meant something but you've tossed out/thrashed much more expensive property than one drukhari.

Anyways.

This is making me realise that what I actually want is the heretic rt ending but like the diet coke version and only marazhai drinks it. Kind iconoclast RT for everyone else. And occasionally for marzipan but like to torture him by denying him torture. And that to be loved is to be changed slideshow and it's just marazhai before and after. Would this RT still adore marazhai after cooking him like this? Who knows.

[messymindofmine]

I'm just going to say one thing before tonight's episode. At this point we only have clips that are literally used to create drama to go off on right now. We don't know what's going to happen but from everything that we have been told, they will be having some kind of conversation about this and they will remain united.

What I don't understand is why ppl are so quick to take sides. Carlos not wanting kids is perfectly valid for whatever reason. It actually makes sense. He spent his whole life so convinced that he would never have the life he has now. He was convinced that he'd disappointed his parents by being who he is and tried to marry a woman so that he could fit the mould he thought he had to fit into. But now he's realizing that he doesn't have to change himself or adhere to traditional heteronormative ideals to be happy. He kept his marriage to Iris a secret from the man he loves for their entire relationship but now it's out in the open. Now that marriage is over and hes embarking on a real marriage with the man he loves, it makes sense that after a lifetime of trying to so hard to fit into what tradition expected him to, he's questioning whether or not he even wants all the things he believed he did. He wants to get married but maybe he's questioning whether having children is something he truly wants or was just led to believe he did. And it's also understandable that he wants to enjoy him and TK being husbands. Again, this is something he never thought he'd have so of course he'd want to enjoy it as much as possible. It doesn't even seem as if he's saying he never wants kids. But I do agree that of you're not 100% certain that you want kids then that means you shouldn't have them.

That said, TK wanting kids is also valid. He didn't grow up in a stable household and it left it's mark on him. I can see how he'd want kids so that he can have the family he always wanted. But his assumption that Carlos thinks that he'd be a bad father shows that there are other issues at play and it's important for them to talk about this bc if he's more into the idea of having kids to fix the pain his own childhood caused him then that's not a good reason to have kids.

This isn't a situation where one person is right and the other is wrong. This is a situation of communication. Its a situation where they need to actually talk about what they see in their future and try to come to some agreement. It doesn't have to be one conversation either. They can decide to just wait a while and keep talking about it in the meantime. They have time, they don't have to have kids right away.

All that said, people are allowed to be upset. I don't like seeing any type of anger towards any of the characters but I do understand why. From what I can see some people are upset bc it feels like Carlos saying he doesn't want kids takes their fantasy of dad!Tarlos away. I don't think so. That's the beauty of fanfic. You can write whatever you want. Even if they decide to never have kids, nothing is stopping you from writing them as dad in your own fics. But just bc people are upset with Carlos right now doesn't mean that they don't want to see his character development or that they don't want to see him as anything other than TK's partner. You can love a character and appreciate their growth be upset with them at times. Carlos has been put on a pedestal for 3 seasons and even though he's the same character he's always been now, we're seeing his flaws explored more. I don't think it's unreasonable for people to be upset at certain things especially when he's behaving in less than ideal ways. He was deflecting the conversation as TK tried to talk to him and I think people are allowed to be annoyed about that. TK has been getting hate since 1x02 despite all his growth and many of us have had to put up with it for 4 seasons now. Any time there was a conflict in the prior 3 seasons, TK bore the brunt of people's anger even when Carlos was also to blame. Like with the breakup. And people are still getting mad at TK now for being unreasonable. So it's not like only people are only mad at one of them right now. We should be able to criticize a character for certain behaviors without others saying that we don't want to see them develop or we only want to see them act a certain way. Carlos has a habit of deflecting important conversations and it's not healthy in a relationship. I think people are allowed to be upset that he's doing this now. It doesn't mean that they hate him now or they don't want to see him developing. The same thing happened at the beginning of the season where people couldn't express their upset at Carlos having kept his marriage a secret without being inundated with messages dredging up every mistake TK has ever made. Carlos has flaws. We can acknowledge those flaws and appreciate his development while still being annoyed at his behavior at times. Just like we do for all the other characters.

Also for all we know, this episode could end up similar to how 4x02 did with them talking and having that beautiful moment in the end where TK opens up about his insecurities and Carlos reassures him and opens up about his own insecurities in return and they express their love for each other. And people were so upset when they released the promo clip bc it felt like TK's feelings were just going to be used as a punchline. But then everything calmed down after the couch scene. And then everyone was mad again after 4x03 bc they were either mad at Carlos for his behavior or they were trying to pin the blame onto TK. But then things calmed down again after 4x04. I actually wouldn't be surprised of that's what ends up happening

[dnangelic]

I keep thinking about how Dai and Dark would react to learning Satoshi isn't human. That he's a cursed art/human hybrid and fated to live a half-life as a result. IT MESSES SATOSHI UP A FAIR BIT. This kid already had to grow up fast, but now he's learned he's not even human to begin with.

I feel like it'd help Dark see him differently [and maybe inspire a bit of protectiveness like he has about other artworks] while Daisuke would still show him that unconditional love [which would result in Satoshi having too many emotions]

i've actually thought about this before but in a completely different context, namely like:

daisuke: DARK SATOSHI IS DYING WE HAVE TO GIVE HIM MAGICAL ENERGY. KISS HIM!!!! dark: i.... am not doing that. daisuke: AND JUST LET HIM DIE?!

anyways jokes aside i don't really think dark would be TOO surprised. he already drops bits about how satoshi can already do what he can 'because he's a hikari,' and while he dislikes the hikari clan overall for the whole... y'know, everything, he's always, always respected their skills as artists, able to do what he CAN'T. atp creating something like a weird hybrid art-human child really isn't too far-fetched in his mind, but to dark they're still technically standing at opposite ends. cat and mouse! still-technically-enemies! he especially doesn't want to cozy up esp since krad is Still There and he hates krad even more than he dislikes satoshi, (for example this page is still awful not just for dark but flat out dangerous for daisuke too + the result of daisuke getting too close during satoshi's struggling moment,) but just like that one older thread we had once before, dark does want to insist that being human or non-human doesn't actually matter, it's only your feelings that do.

dark's whole thing has always been independence and deciding for oneself, so he'd say his own opinion is even irrelevant in the grand scheme of things the same way satoshi has told daisuke to pursue whatever he wanted in life rather than letting other people sway him. decide for yourself, who cares if you're not fully human! hiwatari has passed and lived as one all the way up until this time, and unless he suddenly wants to, nothing actually has to change. whether others considered the hiwatari a miracle or a monster, dark himself wouldn't be afraid to give a metaphorical (or knowing him, literal) slap on the back of the head to try to straighten him out; for all he knows maybe satoshi's parents actually loved him enough to create him, rather than produce a curse and the result of a mistake like dark's own birth.

dark's feelings reflect daisuke's feelings, so it's the same thing in the end; of course he'd accept satoshi, since the circumstances of satoshi's being born and overall existence has never made a difference in satoshi's assistive treatment of him. besides, he's already sworn that absolutely nothing'd break their relationship as friends, so he's not about to go back on that promise and suddenly start hating him just because part of him's not human. hell, satoshi could have done the exact same thing what with daisuke turning into dark since the beginning, but things have already changed. to daisuke, what matters or not is whether or not satoshi would still accept him as a friend. if it's okay with hiwatari, then it's more than okay with him! unconditional love will always be daisuke's thing LOOOL. as long as it's demonstrated to him he has more than enough to give to anybody else! satoshi included!

[tokiro07]

Undead Unluck ch.175 thoughts

[It's Hard to Look Good in a Hairnet]

...Did Tozuka give Rip a mole under his eye specifically so we'd be able to identify him while he's doing surgery? Cus he is nigh unrecognizable otherwise

I think of everything said in this chapter, the thing that stuck out the most to me was Emily feeling guilty about eating candy when she's been unable to eat anything else; she thinks that she's being selfish and only eating what she likes instead of taking care of herself properly, and that in doing so, she deserves whatever punishment God will give her

Rip denies this, as Emily isn't doing anything wrong. She's not eating food because her condition makes it difficult to (she's unable to eat, as it were), but any kid will eat candy given the opportunity because it makes them feel good to do so. Rip gave her the candy specifically as a way to counteract her inability to eat, circumventing her inability to ingest food by disguising nutrients as what would otherwise be empty calories (just like how Negator abilities work)

"If there's a God who'd make such good kids suffer, I'd fillet that jerk up good"

As it happens, Rip, there quite literally is. This world's God, Sun, has been doing exactly that this entire time

Kids who run fast but hold themselves back so others can win? They lose their ability to stop

Kids who are afraid to move forward with their life and allow themselves to stay stuck in place? They lose their ability to move

Kids who are anxious about whether or not they have the same feelings as everyone else? They lose their ability to feel at all

Most if not every Negator is saddled with their Rule because God is punishing them for just living their lives; the choices they make, the choices they don't, the fears that they feel, whatever ironic punishment God can give them to make them suffer, he will

Interesting then, that Rip never decided to fight God in the previous loop. For all of the altruistic bravado Rip put up to save the lives of everyone suddenly dying around him in the hospital, Rip's inability to save one specific life was enough to cause him to eschew every life. He never even seemed to blame God for Leila's death, for cursing him with Unrepair at that very moment, he only ever blamed himself for being the one to inflict the wound that killed her

Perhaps it was because he knew that defeating God wouldn't bring her back, that changing the world wouldn't mean anything without the love of his life in it, so instead of focusing on revenge, he wanted to focus on regaining what he'd lost - both his lover and his status as a hero

Sure, Rip played the part of the villain in Loop 100, but if time was going to be reset anyway, what did it truly matter? Every life he took in Loop 100 was going to come back in Loop 101; their deaths were meaningless in the sense that they would be erased, that they would one day come back to continue on without any knowledge that they had died. Their sacrifices would one day pile up to revive not only Leila, but themselves as well, so perhaps to Rip, he was never truly taking their lives, only borrowing them. At least, if we want to be charitable to the Rip of yesteryear

By saving Leila, Rip not only gets back his fiancee, but also the knowledge that he is capable of saving lives, a part of himself that he thought he'd lost and buried with Leila

But of course, that's not how it works, is it? Even if no one else remembers, Rip certainly would. Even if everyone came back, that wouldn't change the fact that Rip personally allowed not only the people he fought to die, but the entirety of human history to end simply so he could come back to let it all happen again. Saving Leila wouldn't end the cycle, God would still enforce countless cruel Rules on the world, and sooner or later, Leila would only die again because of some horrible celestial machination beyond Rip's understanding or ability to stop. All he would have done is created a mountain of corpses for Leila to sit upon until she inevitably added to it

I wonder if perhaps this is part of what Akira thought his mother would like about reading a story surrounding Rip. "He's kind, but he's suppressed it since losing someone dear to him." That really is the most fascinating part of Rip's character, that he deliberately abandoned his own principles for the sake of fixing one single mistake, and a brief glimpse of that shone through back when Anno Un sacrificed himself to bring Rip back to normal. And now, today, we get to see what Akira saw in him, the kindness and righteous fury that had always been hiding beneath the surface

[chryblossomjjk]

oh my goodness...kiki !!

its midterm season so i don't have a chance to write a full review just yet ( ahhh i have so much more to say !!) but ever since you released the teaser and snippet of the fic, i really had no idea what to expect.

the story is so so great, kiki. its such a fresh, real and raw portrayal and approach to this trope. i hope you're happy and proud of what you created !! the fact that its primarily a character driven made the reading experience sooooo satisfying, especially this being an angst piece. (you know how much i love pain lmao) you were able to flesh out each character and their roles respectively. i love the way you chose to execute this piece. its a slice of life, just a snippet into this world, but i was so full of life. hehe 🤍 idk how you do it but you write in a way that makes people invested.

the only happy solution to me would be in a case scenario where jeongguk heals from the trauma he experienced. he's stuck in the past and it's hurting everyone around him. whether or not he's aware of this or wants things to change, he can't because then he'd have to process what happened and that means feeling. until that happens only can oc or seulgi can remain in the picture

i'm glad you decided to share your writings. all of your stories are lovely. i'm looking forward to the next one no matter how long it takes 🤍🤍

sending this again bc i think tumblr ate my ask 🥺

oh my goodness hi bby!! thank you so much for all the kind words ily a lot :’)

i really worried while writing it that it was going to come off fake or… like justifying it in a way? which is not what was trying to do at all!! i was trying to portray people doing not great things through the eyes of someone who is naive and not equipped to deal with the situation.

i also worried that the ambiguity made the story confusing!! there’s been some confusion but i think most understood what happened and not all of the context was undetectable which is v cool!!

and that’s so true!! like i think the only semi-good ending is jungkook getting help. he needs it desperately, but i think in his mind… help is forgetting if that makes sense? in a way, he doesn’t want to move on, because moving on feels like he’s losing whatever piece of seol he has left. i also think he feels like he deserves to suffer. it’s morbid and sad but v true :(

my next piece is v lighthearted and fun!! hopefully shouldn’t take too long. and then afterwards i can finally start writing my magnum opus lol!!

[illicien]

“Nobody asked about my writing” meme

Ohhh thank you so much for the tag @amethyst-noir! Having read these questions already I can tell this is going to become a pain in the ass to answer, bless you and thank you for the suffering.

 1: what are you currently working on? 

Far too many things. My writing tab currently has open:

One-Time Thing (third part in progress, but I have all of the parts in the same doc)

HS / Mafia AU Outline (when this starts becoming a thing more effectively I hope every single one of you is ready for me to be the most whiny bitch on the timeline; when my wife said "oh that sounds like it'll be 300k" I was like lol I've never written anything that long! But this outline... this fucking outline...)

Captured (inspired by a whump prompt, whether this comes into existence is entirely dependent upon the whims of my muse and they are feeling incredibly tempestuous of late.)

Seeing Double (This remains my comfort fic to sit back in because writing Stephen occasionally manages to help reset my brain when I get stuck.)

WB Hanahaki (I completely blame a combination of @winterbonesthings @six-demon-bag and @bicycleonfire for the fact that this even started to happen.)

To The Victors (This is literally the fic I've had open and been casually poking at now and then since before I even started OTT and whether it will be finished is also dependent upon the whims of my muse.)

And that's all WinterBaron shit I just have that I'm casually flicking through depending on what is best meeting my interests at any given hour of the day.

2: summarize your current project 

Which one? I'm literally gonna randomize 1-6 and find out which project we're summarizing.

Well okay then. Seeing Double it is:

With the sudden splitting of timelines and opening of the multiverse, some of HYDRA's experiments in other worlds have created strange pathways to other worlds; while HYDRA has been mostly dealt with in their active timeline, the elimination of a specific base has left Sam, Bucky, and Zemo faced with an actively Winter Soldiered Bucky Barnes. Not quite sure how to handle their new situation, and mildly unnerved by the fact that this Winter Soldier has decided that obeying Zemo of all people is the best choice, Sam suggests taking him to Doctor Strange - because if anyone's going to be able to figure out sending him back to his own dimension, a sorcerer seems like the best option.

3: summarize your current project poorly 

(Same project? Different project? Different project.)

Zemo's fucking pissed to realize that he's in love with someone again; he'd ignore it, if it wasn't literally killing him.

4: describe your favorite character or characters

Tea sluts.

Oh, did you want a better description? Well you aren't getting one. They're tea sluts. You think they're perfectly put together, incredibly in control, and that's exactly what they like you to think as they casually sip their tea and pretend they're only the most sophisticated of people.

But it takes about two seconds to turn them from sophisticated and in control into whining little bitches. And I love that for them.

5: post a line from your current project without any context 

They'd taken time to collect - the remnants of Ultron scattered in a distinctive display, pieces welded together in a manner both grotesque and hauntingly beautiful.

6: how do you get through writers block?

Skip to a different project for a little bit. Sometimes it's less that I'm blocked in terms of writing, and more that I'm stuck on a specific scene or story, and moving on until I'm stuck on something else makes it easier for me to return to whatever I was initially stuck on.

7: would you want to live in the world of your current work? 

No. Not any of them. No thank you. Especially not anything MCU adjacent. I'll skip on that, thanks.

8: briefly discuss your outlining process, if you outline 

My outlining process only really exists for fics that I am well aware / intend to be more than one chapter. For example, there was no real outline for OTT, and it did get away from me because of that, in part. That's why OTT turned into a series rather than just being multichapter.

When I do outline, however, I have a very specific set-up that involves first jotting down several notes from my brainstorming session as I typically bounce the initial concept off of someone. Many bullet points exist. From there, it's a matter of grouping them into relevant areas, and then breaking things down into chapters from that point. I'll occasionally make specific notes about particular dialogue pieces as related to specific bullet points. Before I do a final dive into starting to write pieces, I'll go over chapter bulletpoints again to see if there are any specific things that could use to be arranged elsewhere.

If I write without an outline for a multichapter story, we get chaos like Collared and Embraced which are both currently still sitting unfinished, despite my best efforts.

9: what is the aesthetic of your current project?

Okay so I'm gonna return to To The Victors for this one, even though I mentioned it once already earlier, because of all of them this one has a very visual set up.

Piercing suspension; human food trays; an old castle hall draped with purple silk and velvet; the contrast of highly mechanical chrome bits and pieces against elegant fabrics and stone walls

10: what song sums up your current work the best?

Ooo this is hard, especially since I decided to save this one specifically for the OTT finale...

We'll go with:

Tagging

Sending this one over to @six-demon-bag @winterbonesthings and @winterytrash cuz I'm sure y'all are working on something at least. @bicycleonfire too if you've got anything ongoing you wanna share 😉

[masterwords]

two tickets to paradise (part one)

Summary: Derek takes Hotch on a much-needed vacation. (Post-Route 66)

Warnings: Lots of food and alcohol...

Words: 4.2k

Notes: Alright, yes, I'm doing another long fic. This one is a little different though...here we have part one, setting the stage. After this I'll create a masterlist for this thing, and it's basically going to be a series of one-shots, whatever these two idiots in love get up to on their vacation. Not necessarily a linear story, just a whole bunch of cute soft shenanigans.

Read on AO3: two tickets to paradise

** CHAPTER LIST **

**

3:14am and he was pacing the kitchen like it was his job. His internal clock was all mixed up. He hadn't known insomnia this bad since law school.

It started as the pain waking him, stomach cramps, back aches, all sorts of post-op fun, now it was just routine. Quarter after 3 and his body decided it was time to be awake, pain or no. Most nights were no but he treated them the same. Heating pad, cup of tea, a book or some old black and white middle of the night movie on silent. He could be asleep by 4 without fail.

But not tonight. As he paced the kitchen waiting for his heating pad to warm in the microwave and his tea to steep, he found a brochure. Just the corner, poking out from behind the calendar on the fridge. Hidden in plain sight. Bright yellows and pinks offset by eye popping turquoise, a smattering of photos, bold letters exclaiming VISIT MEXICO! His veins pumped cold, which was funny really, if he really stopped to consider it. Maybe it was the idea that Derek was up to something, or maybe it was the thought of sunburns and sand in every crack and crevice for the rest of the century...he wasn't sure why it struck him with such ferocity, but he stared at it long after the microwave beeped and beeped to let him know it was finished.

As soon as that heating pad was settled against the phantom ache in his stomach though, everything else vanished and as predicted, he was asleep on the couch by 4am.

He hadn't slept a full night in his bed in nearly two months.

That icy feeling of dread returned when he stood in Cruz's office the following morning, bright and early staring at his employee file splayed with its guts bleeding out on the desk. His file lying open there like he had weeks ago on cold metal. There was some connection here that he wasn't making, but it would be clear soon enough.

“You wanted to see me?” Hotch asked, turning to watch Cruz enter the room with some haste. Like he hadn't intended for Hotch to beat him there, although the file seemed staged enough that it might all have been a game. He could see it, that split second when Cruz glanced at his desk and then at Hotch, as if to wonder whether Hotch had been in there long enough to take a peek at the bright pink post-it note stuck to the top page. Whether curiosity had gotten the better of him. But then, he didn't really seem worried about that in the least and Hotch sort of wished he'd leaned over and taken a peek.

“Please, have a seat.” He said it in a sort of funny high-pitched voice, exasperated almost at the idea of Hotch standing. Enough to give Hotch pause, suddenly feeling the weight of the scrutiny he was under. Just back from medical leave, one case under his belt (and a birthday to boot) but he's been dragging. His body just hasn't bounced back like it used to. In fact, it really wasn't bouncing much at all. Dragging was a better word for it.

Cruz was afraid. He recognized it now, that was worry in his eyes. He'd seen it around, people who heard the story. I heard he passed out in the conference room, right in front of everyone. They whispered after he walked by and at one time in his life he may have found it to be humiliating, but it was a nice change of pace. He no longer had to hear Haley's name hissed when he entered a room.

Cruz motioned to the chair and Hotch stalled a moment longer, quirking an eyebrow before accepting the offer of a chair. Sit before you pass out again, that's what Cruz was thinking, he could see it written on the other man's face. He'd never forced Hotch to sit before the incident, they would just stand and talk beside his desk. As he lowered himself into the seat, one hand flew to his tie to keep it in place, just a formality, maybe a nervous tick, and his pinky finger flicked out once and then twice to make sure it was all smooth. Cruz watched, completely fascinated.

“You look tired, have you been sleeping?”

That's when it happened. The image of the brightly colored travel brochure flashed before his eyes, a distant memory of an insomniac's double life. He couldn't stifle the automatic sigh that followed.

“Yes,” he lied coolly, sitting tall in his chair to give the air of not being as tired as he was. Cruz, maybe the first person in the history of the BAU, didn't even pretend to fall for it.

“You've been back for two weeks,” Cruz began, not missing a beat. “I think it goes without saying that you gave us all a pretty good scare, and I'm just not convinced that your time off was enough.”

“I took the mandatory six weeks.” Strike one. Cruz clearly didn't care about that.

“So you did. You're very careful Agent Hotchner, and maybe Erin Strauss would have put her pen to the paperwork and insisted you were right, that everything was good. Waived a fitness for duty exam, even. But I'd like to be open with you...we are going to be working closely together, you and I. I'd like to establish something right now...I'm not fooled by your work ethic. That isn't to say I'm not impressed by you, but I can see through you. So let me level with you. I can tell that you probably needed twice that amount of time to recover from your ordeal, and honestly, we both know you should probably not be here at all after everything that has happened over the course of your decorated and impressive career.”

“I'm not sure that's...” he started around the lump that had formed in his throat, but Cruz raised a hand to hold him off. His gentle features lulled Hotch into a sense that this wasn't a bullet train to hell, but his gut was already smoldering. That was new, this feeling of flames in his belly. He was keeping Tums in his pocket and Alka Seltzer in his desk drawer, but he didn't reach for minty relief.

“Aaron...may I call you Aaron?” he paused, a real pause, like he was actually waiting for Hotch to consent. Not just a formality, a genuine request. So, with some hesitation Hotch nodded his approval, hoping it might at least garner him some favor. “You've had an eventful couple of months. More has happened to you in a couple of months than has happened to me in years and yet you continue to show up here and perform at a high level. I can't help but think that your collapse was only a down payment on the price you'll pay for all you do. It catches up to us all, Aaron.”

Hotch's frown deepened and Cruz smiled at that small victory. He'd really just intended to get right to the point, but he had to admit that making Hotch squirm a little had its perks. “Yes, I know much of this is my own assumption, profiling maybe? I'm a newbie, a rube, I haven't finished the profiling courses they've asked me to complete in order to take this job...it was kind of a last-minute deal, you know? In any case, I may not be a trained profiler yet, but I do think I've hit the nail on the head.”

“Forgive my asking, but has my performance not been up to standard?”

Cruz let out a barking laugh and Hotch felt his heart drop into his belly. He did his best not to let the shadow cross his features.

“Your performance sets the standard, Aaron but I think that's part of the problem. I know there isn't any way I can convince you to take an additional six weeks of medical leave, I may be new but I wasn't born yesterday. Your reputation as a...well as a stubborn ass...precedes you. I would, however, consider it a victory if you would take a two week vacation.”

The brochure. VISIT MEXICO. Fuck fuck fuck.

“Sir, I was just off for six weeks...”

“This may come as a shock to you, but medical leave is not considered a vacation to most people. Two weeks somewhere far away from here. Get on a plane, leave your phone and your laptop in your office.”

“That sounds like an order.” Hotch's lips twitched a little, a half smirk half frown. He wasn't sure what to think about Cruz. He was not accustomed to anyone taking a personal interest in his well-being. It was oddly unsettling.

“I'd hesitate to call it an order, but it certainly is not open for negotiation. I will personally see to it that your team is well taken care of in your absence.”

(x)

Things were not better in his office. He was irritated, maybe, but nervous more than that. He'd just put his team through hell, and now he had to tell them that he was going away again. How were they supposed to trust him anymore?

And when Derek appeared in his doorway, the pretend look of confusion on his face gave him away. He could feel that familiar itchy feeling that often preceded anger deep in his belly, the smoldering from earlier had fully given way to something new. It was hot and sharp and made him want to claw at it with his fingernails.

“You've been speaking with Cruz about me.” It was not a question. He didn't have to wonder, he knew. VISIT MEXICO, his inner voice screamed.

“Hey, slow your roll baby,” Derek said, shutting the door and the blinds. This was going to get ugly, he could feel it and he'd be lying if he said he hadn't been anticipating it. “He approached me. Honest.” Derek took a seat across from Hotch and tried to look a helluva lot more casual than he felt.

“He knows about you and I.” More an accusation than an observation and it took everything in Derek's power to look past the tone to the vulnerability hiding behind it like a rabbit in the brush.

“Hotch, the whole damn Bureau knows about us, they'd have to be fucking idiots if they didn't at this point. Come on now. No one cares. You're not supposed to be getting yourself all worked up...the doctors said...”

“I'm not worked up. I'm simply trying to understand why I was called into the Section Chief's office this morning...”

“Alright, hey, look. I admit we could have done a better job, blindsiding you was wrong, but it's coming from a place of caring, man. He's worried about you. The whole team is. You almost died right in front of everyone.” He paused dramatically, maybe for effect or just to let it sink in, but whatever it was Hotch hated it. He was sucking air like a fish out of water and trying not to suffocate. “Cruz wants to keep you around. He relies on you, and he wants you in good shape.”

“I am.” His voice betrayed him. He could hold it together under duress better than most, but with Derek staring him down the way he was, he was on the verge of a panic attack right there in his office. He was too damn tired for this.

“So, prove it. Don't make me go on vacation alone...”

“Mexico?” Hotch asked in a sort of meek, sarcastic voice and Derek smiled wide, humming a little Eddie Money for effect. As if it would help lighten the mood. I've got...two tickets to paradise...pack your bags, we'll leave tonight...Hotch could hear the lyrics in his head. He'd always hated that song.

“Yeah. Mexico. You'll come back tanned and well-rested.” Another pause, this time long enough to round the desk and sit there, right in front of Hotch, on top of his papers, still humming the damn song. Leaning forward, he cupped Hotch's jaw with one hand and smirked. “After two weeks of me being on your back, he'll be off of it.”

“Get out.”

“Oh come on, I've been waiting all morning to say that...”

“Out, Derek.”

“You know, normal people get excited when their boyfriends book them two weeks in paradise...”

“You know I don't like the beach.” Not exactly the truth, but right now he hated just about everything. Except Derek, he really loved Derek and couldn't help wondering why someone he loved would torment him so ruthlessly. Exploiting his weaknesses for personal gain. And okay, he knew that really wasn't what Derek was doing but in the moment logic was taking a backseat to some raw and bitter feeling of betrayal.

“Yeah, but you don't hate seeing me at the beach, do you?”

Hotch pursed his lips and glared, having finally reached his limit of innuendo at work. “Don't you have something to do?”

Derek grinned, reaching for the door handle. “I don't think you want me to answer that...”

(x)

The flight to Chicago allowed Hotch only enough time to wonder if they were making a mistake. Of course Jack and Derek were thick as thieves. First they just shared their snacks, Jack's cheezits and Derek's trail mix became like a shared currency when it came to in flight entertainment. Much to Hotch's chagrin, they had also combined their two sodas into some sort of Frankenstein horror mix of Coke and Sprite because Jack wondered if it might taste good and Derek of course had to enlighten him to the wonders of The Graveyard.

“You put every single flavor on the soda fountain in your cup, one after the other, anything the soda machine has...your dad never taught you about this?” Jack shook his head and Derek turned to Hotch, shot him a dirty look and went back to the explanation of other examples of the finer parts of childhood that the kid was being deprived of. “When grandma takes you to the pizza parlor for dinner tonight, you hook yourself up and tell me what you think.” Hotch could only cringe at the thought.

A delayed flight for engine malfunction (Hotch was careful not to tell Derek it might be a sign that they shouldn't go) meant an extra night in Chicago and dinner at the pizza parlor with the whole family. Everyone comes out of the woodwork when Derek is home. Sometimes the whole neighborhood. The place was packed, the food was endless, the noise was deafening.

Hotch stuck to a Sprite with his meal, barely finishing half of it. He was eating more Tums than pizza anyway, playing his conversation with Cruz over and over in his head. It wasn't improving his mood or his upset stomach. Derek had gone with beer, though he did try a sip of Jack's graveyard and quietly admit that it was gross to Hotch once the kid had wandered off triumphantly. "Shoulda told him you never put in the grape...fuck. Nasty."

Derek's beer was light, airy and sour, not Hotch's preference but he was sneaking a few sips here and there to try and indulge in whatever vacation spirit he could muster. Vacation wasn't his thing. His heart wasn't in it. He was stuck on how it all played out, the image of him sitting lame as a duck in Cruz's office while the two of them played their elaborate trick. In any case, he knew it wasn't really a trick and he knew he needed to get over it. Fran, sensing a heavy conversation looming over their heads, ushered Jack toward the game room with a bucket of gold coins and the promise that there was more where that came from if he would win her a prize.

He got her a stuffed panda bear holding a silky red heart. She carried it around with her everywhere she went the rest of the evening.

To her surprise, the heavy conversation she'd anticipated wasn't between Derek and Hotch, but between she and Derek on their walk back. He slowed his pace and waited for her to catch up to him, and then ushered her to the back of the procession. She was still clutching her panda bear. Jack rode on Hotch's shoulders far ahead of them and they spoke in hushed tones, afraid to let anyone hear.

A conspiracy hatched over the course of three city blocks. Fran was all smiles, light on her feet, chastising Derek for telling her what he had planned as if she'd want to keep it to herself. “Don't tell everyone you know, moms...”

“Give me a number.”

“What? Come on, just keep it quiet...it's only two weeks.”

“A number, Derek. Ten? Fifteen?”

“Five. You can tell five people.”

She frowned, and in that moment she looked exactly like her son. “But what if those five people tell another five? Is everyone held to five?”

“Mom...what if...”

“Do not speak those words into the world. There is no if. So only five huh?”

In the morning, when it was time to say goodbye, Jack did so happily with a smile full of pancakes and syrup on his chin. He was about to spend two weeks being spoiled by Derek's family, he couldn't be happier. Derek ate his pancakes with peanut butter slathered on top, extra protein so he wouldn't get too snacky at the airport and be tempted to spend a ton of money on convenience food. Hotch stuck to coffee and an apple. No purpose other than his complete lack of appetite. He hadn't had much of one in months now. No matter how she tried to entice him, he politely declined the offer of a stack of pancakes.

“You'll have some when you come back,” she said with an unnerving smile, rubbing his arm. Like she knew something he didn't. Everyone was conspiring against him.

Truth be told, Fran adored him, but somehow she also understood some of his quirks. He was odd but sweet. He never had been much of an eater, at least not at meal time. But he was a snacker, she'd find him in the kitchen searching out a handful of blueberries or throwing a slice of bread into the toaster at all hours. Just little nibbles, nothing that would fill a man his size up. She tried not to worry. “I'll make them special for you. With bananas. You'll feel better when you come back.”

He wanted to tell her he felt fine now but the look on her face...she wasn't going to buy it. She hadn't seen him since he collapsed and glad as she was to put eyes on him right now, in the flesh, in her home...seeing him upright when all she'd seen before were photos Derek took of him sleeping (He's sleeping so much, is he alright? Are you sure Derek?), she still thought he looked off. Pale and drawn. Dark circles almost black in the morning light. Truthfully, she'd never known him not to have them, they were like old friends but they were darker now. Deeper.

He just looked so weary. Derek was right, he did need this time off.

(x)

Two days at a resort in Cancun was about the opposite of anything Hotch would have planned, but Derek had ideas and when Derek had ideas...you went along with them. He rarely disappointed. It being the off-season, they more or less had the resort to themselves anyway. It was pleasantly quiet, just some families rambling around, kids splashing in the pool and building sand castles. This is about the only time of year they could come here safely Hotch assumed, the only time the beach wasn't flooded with party kids half naked and doing things he knew would be on Jack's mind in the not too distant future. The thought sent a shiver up his spine.

“This isn't...” he started, walking to the desk with Derek. “The brochure in the kitchen, that wasn't for Cancun.”

Derek just smiled. “Your only job on this whole trip is just to go with the flow...we're vibing it baby. So...to the room first?” Derek asked, attaching a plastic bracelet onto Hotch's wrist with a grin. Rolex on one hand, neon plastic on the other. “All-inclusive, the resort is your oyster. Want a drink or a snack? Flash that fancy jewelry.”

Hotch has spent more time in hospitals than resorts.

The little plastic bracelet he now wore announced his status at the resort, a garish sunshine yellow that reminded him of those pesky plastic bracelets they always slapped on his wrist in the hospital. Here he's pre-paid for every goody he might want to consume, there he's a fall risk. He'd take this version, he figured. It didn't come with needles and beeping machines.

This was his first small step toward enjoying himself.

It was the bed that called to him first and Derek was more than willing to indulge him. It took Derek only seconds to be fully naked and ready for a nap in the chilly air-conditioned room. Travel was exhausting. Sitting in an airplane, soaring over invisible timelines, rushing through airports, listening to people cough all around him...he was ready to sleep it off too. “An hour to sleep and then we hit the beach?”

“Sure,” was Hotch's immediate reply. But when he didn't even move, not even a twitch, at the sound of Derek's alarm...Derek made a very important decision. One that might dictate the entire mood of their trip, if he was careful. This was vacation, and it didn't have to just be what he wanted. Yeah, he wanted to spend the day at the beach with Hotch, but Hotch needed sleep.

Vibing it applied to him too.

So, he got himself dressed, scribbled a quick note down on the pad of paper on Hotch's nightstand, and left. He was ready to hit the beach, get some booze in him, maybe meet some people who knew where to go to have the most fun. With a flash of his bracelet, he walked out to the beach with a little clear plastic cup of margarita in his hand. And when a fly landed right in the neon green beverage? He wished it well and flicked it on its way, hoping that it got drunk enough to have as good a time as he planned to. Maybe it would find some little fly nightclub somewhere and dance the night away.

Sucked first into a game of volleyball, and then the pool with the swim up bar, he was set for the afternoon. Every time he decided to change activities, he popped up to the room and found that Hotch had barely moved. He would adjust the temperature, refill the glass of water he'd left on the nightstand, amend his note with where he planned to be next if he had to be located and be on his way.

Derek didn't need much to have a good time, and Cancun was providing more than enough.

Hotch's one hour nap lasted well into the evening, long past all of the hotel buffets closed up for the evening. Derek had been eating off and on all day, little snacks to balance out tiny cup after tiny cup of neon booze. His favorite had been the pink drink, it tasted like strawberries and coconuts, but the blue one left his lips a funny color and he sort of liked that too. He was waiting for Hotch to have a full meal, that was the one thing he wanted. Even if their first meal on vacation was breakfast, he'd wait it out.

Room service sounded good to both of them, eating out on their veranda listening to the almost black ocean waves crash against the pale moonlit sand.

“I'm sorry I slept so long,” Hotch whispered in his gravely sleep voice, dragging a fry through a glob of ketchup. Burgers and fries, not exactly what Derek had been anticipating but he was letting Hotch lead for a while. “You could have woken me.”

“That's the longest I've seen you sleep in years, like hell I'm waking you up outta that. You barely even moved. I mean, you might have been in a coma I don't know.”

Hotch smiled, and Derek could see already that it looked lighter. A little flushed and sweet. It was a good start.

“Are you gonna be up all night now?”

“Truthfully,” Hotch started with a yawn, and Derek could already see the writing on the wall. Hotch hadn't slept in weeks, not really. His body was willing to catch up all at once now. So be it. “I could go back to bed...”

“Sounds good to me.”

[ackermansimper]

How the Ackermans would be as parents

(Kenny, Levi, Mikasa)

-disclaimer, these Headcanons aren't gender neutral like my normal posts. Kenny and Levi are with fem!Y/n while Mikasa is with a male!y/n. Sorry 💕-

Kenny

-I'm going to be honest here. He isn't the perfect dad and definitely considered leaving you and the kid more than a few times. However if he stayed it was most likely if he really loved you, not for the kid

-Kenny would ignore his kid and really only stayed because he loved you but even though he loved you I think he attempted to leave before deciding to come back

-he would go to the bar to avoid having to interact with his kid and probably only had the kid on accident. He never really wanted one

-I think that Kenny would've said no to you if you ever requested having a kid with him and then if you got pregnant he'd accuse you of cheating or planning the whole thing

-Although he wouldn't think he's fit to be a father, he wouldn't make you try killing the baby. He knows that you wanted this and he'd thinks it would be cowardly of him to even suggest the idea of killing the child

-Kenny wouldn't care about what gender because he thinks he won't even be involved in the kids life but if he were to choose he'd pick a boy.

-I think if Kenny ever did decide to spend time with his kid then he'd teach it violence. Even if you're against it he wouldn't care.

-He would probably also get the kid into wearing hats and killing people mercilessly. He'd also teach the kid that they can't be soft or anything like that. They'd have to be tough and strong. They have to be tough enough to take a hit and still fight back

-Bonding time with them both is always interesting. You'll probably be trying to actually have a family moment meanwhile Kenny is just giving the kid guns and making the kid threaten people. If you told him to stop he wouldn't and would just show pride in what he has teached his child.

-His child will most likely listen to Kenny over you. I think it would be that way because the child wants approval from Kenny since Kenny ignores them all the time so the child would try hard to impress Kenny and be a mini version of him

-The kid would probably love you a lot but try convincing you that Kenny is just doing the best for them so that they'll be the strongest person ever

-Kenny will probably end up loving his new child and the monster he created. He'll buy the kid guns, knifes, any weapon imaginable. Kenny would show them places and what people they should fight and what people they should avoid.

-Overall his kid will turn out strong and Kenny's humor and personality will probably rub off the kid causing the kid to be just like their dad.

Levi

-Levi would happily have kids with you but wouldn't want them during the war. However if you somehow had kids during the war then this is how Levi would raise them

-Levi would definitely try to avoid getting his kids into violence but will still teach them self defense in an attempt for them to be protected even when he isn't around

-Levi would teach them all sorts of things like how to fight, clean, deal with people being shitloads. Stuff like that

-he'd definitely try to teach his kids to be nice and not end up like him. He basically wouldn't want them to have a bad childhood so he will try his best to give them the best childhood he could and would do whatever it takes to keep you and them safe

-During the pregnancy phase, he wouldn't mind what gender the baby was. He'd be happy with either one and would love them the same

-He would try to spend lots of time with them and make them not feel abandoned by him which he knows will have trouble with since he is humanity's strongest soldier and has so much work to do

-He'd still try his best though and would even try harder in battle. He already was a bit discouraged about whether humanity would survive or not but after his kids were born he knew he had to try harder. He wanted to give them a future that they wouldn't need to fear so he had a new found reason to push him through battle and try his harder. That new found reason was his kids and you. His family

-Levi definitely adores you and his kid the most out of anything and everyone. He would sacrifice himself and the rest of humanity if that's what it took to keep his family safe. He would do it without hesitation

-Spending time with you and the kids would be a big part of Levi's life. He'll try to get work done faster so that he could see you all and would be a softer person altogether.

-his comrades and squad could even notice him being softer. He acted different with you before but now he was like a whole new person. He could even be seen smiling a couple more times now with his family which just shocks everyone.

-Growing up without a dad made him a bit scared of being a dad since he knew he might mess it up since he doesn't have much experience with his own dad but once he got a hang of it, he was his kids hero.

-Overall Levi would try his best to make the world safe for his family and would try to be the best dad of all time. No! He IS the best dad of all time

Mikasa

-Mikasa would be very happy and satisfied to be having a kid with you. Although she doesn't smile to much, you'll find her smiling a lot more now.

-When the baby is actually born she'll be so so soooo happy to be building a family with you and holding her baby for the first time. It will be a moment where you've never seen her like this

-She is protective of her child and you can't change my mind. You and her kid will come first before anything.

-Mikasa will be the best wife as well. She'd teach her kid valuable lessons and also give you attention too. She would manage her time quite well too

-She would be a bit like a helicopter mom but not to the extent where her child might feel like they can't metaphorically breathe. She'd make sure nothing is wrong with her kid and also kill anybody who even were to try touching her kid

-You wouldn't be too surprised since she's always been on the protective side but her soft side comes out s lot more often now

-You both could be cuddling with you child and she'll start showing you both in kisses and talking to you both about how everyday life has been. Asking about opinions on matters and how your days have been is what she would do

-She would value her kids opinion more than anything. If her kid doesn't trust someone neither does she. If her kid is doing something wrong, Mikasa will still take their side

-However, although she would take her child's side over anyone's, she would still be sure to teach the kid not to grow up as a brat. She'd make sure her kid helped out and didn't cause too much trouble. If her kid were to get into trouble though, Mikasa will be on their side. Not so they can turn out as ignorant brats but so they can know that Mikasa will still support them if they make a mistake and she'll help them fix it.

-Its something you and your child appreciate about Mikasa most. her loyalty will not be in a bad way. She'll still show the child right from wrong. Even if you think you should intervene, you don't have to. Mikasa has it under control and will help make the problem better while also letting her child make decisions and learn from them.

-overall I think Mikasa would be the world's best mom and also the world's best wife. she'd understand you and the child while also giving advice when you or your child need it or letting you rant when you or your child need it.

♥ Thanks for reading ♥

[yandere-daydreams]

Title: Karma.

Pairing: Yandere!Xiao/Reader (Genshin Impact).

Word Count:  2.1k.

TW: Imprisonment, Mentions of Kidnapping, Codependence, Possessive Mindsets, Non-Consensual Touching, Physical Abuse, Slight Victim-Blaming.

Somewhere, in the back of his mind, Xiao knew that this was what he deserved.

This, all of it, everything. Whatever the world had to throw at him, all the things he’d earned over centuries of bloodshed and death and guilt that grew more crippling with each passing day. He’d come to terms with that, and if he was being honest with himself, he might admit that he was growing numb to the pain, that despite his distaste, violence didn’t seem as utterly unpalatable as it used to. He wasn’t thankful for it, he didn’t want it, but he was resigned, apathetic, too used to it to care the way he used to, when fighting left him as battered as his enemies. He'd grown accustomed to it. He’d adapted.

He just wasn’t used to this. A new sort of discomfort. A different kind of pain.

He just wasn’t used to you being the source of his karmic suffering, whether or not you realized it was quite that poetic.

He’d earned it. He knew that. He’d earned every part of his current punishment – your glare, your locked jaw, the unadulterated loathing that emanated off of you in waves, unignorable from the moment he shrugged open the heavy, wooden door to his crowded room on the inn’s top floor. He’d managed to stave off the urge to use chains, ropes, anything more solid and more restraining than an idle threat and a locked door, but you were smart enough to stay balled up in the furthest corner, your knees pulled into your chest and your eyes on the floor, narrowed with an intensity he’d only ever seen in demons, moments before their deaths. It hurt him to see, the stance too defensive not to be learned, but it was better than the alternative. He’d caught you on the balcony, once or twice, leaning over the railing or admiring the view, and…

You could’ve slipped. You could’ve tried to jump. He shouldn’t have lost his temper, but you shouldn’t have been so reckless. It’d been dangerous, even you were still too naïve to see that.

Xiao grit his teeth, shaking his head as he forced himself to focus on the matter at-hand. You didn’t move as he approached, only shrinking further into yourself, becoming something small, something timid, a form of passive resistance you’ve perfected, in the weeks since you last put up a real fight. If he was feeling any less patient, he might’ve resorted to less honorable methods, throwing you over his shoulder and dragging you through his routine of self-indulgence despite your attempts to struggle against him. He’d tried it before, broken his own promises countless times, but it was almost never worth the way you’d cry afterwards, like he’d hurt you, like he’d done anything wrong. Like you could expect him to do anything less, when you were determined to be so stubborn.

So, instead, he tried talking. Talking was more peaceful. He didn’t like talking, but you did, and he was trying to be more considerate of what you liked. “I’m back.”

He waited, but there was no response. That was fine. He was fine. He couldn’t say he’d never given you a reason to ignore him. “You’re not reading,” He tried, again, fighting to keep his voice even. You tended to flinch, whenever he got too loud. “It’d be a better use of your time than sulking around, like this.”

You didn’t look at him, your voice muffled by your self-made haven. “You keep burning my books.”

Burning? That sounded like something he would do, as an act of precaution or anger or the same petty vengeance creatures so far beneath him were so prone to. It’d probably been one of the anthologies you were so fond of – folklore hiding under the guise of real history. Usually, he didn’t pay it much mind, the liberal retellings of events no living mortal could possibly be old enough to have witnessed, but he didn’t care for it when you found value in such trash. Stories about the Adepti were far too common in Liyue literature, and you’d always been the type to ask questions, to try to pry your way into subjects you could never hope to comprehend. It was better to eliminate the problem entirely. That was how he’d survived for so long, among humans -- terminating issues before they could arise.

But, you wouldn’t understand that. And even if you did, it wouldn’t do anything to heal the wound he’d already created.

He was beginning to think nothing he tried would ever be enough to mend your anger, not when you were so content to tear at the stitching yourself.

“I said I was sorry, didn’t I?” He wasn’t sure if he had, but you didn’t correct him, only squaring your shoulders, digging your nails into your legs, going even further to block him out, push him away, isolate yourself and leave him to suffer for your insubordination. Xiao rolled his eyes, scowling to himself, but whatever irritation he could summon was quickly replaced by his exhaustion, that perpetual desire to fall into your arms and have you welcome him willingly, lovingly, the way you used to before he decided he had to ruin it. He was tempted to touch you, to reach out, to cup your cheek or wrap an arm around you or draw you close by force, rather than natural attraction, but he thought better of it, crouching by your side, instead, letting his back hit the wall with a heavy thud.

When he opened his mouth, his tongue felt heavier, his throat hoarse. Like the weight of his conscious had found yet another way to make itself known. “You hate me.”

It was a fact, like the color of the sky or the scent of the air before a storm. It was true, both of you already knew that, but you were kind enough to hesitate, lifting you head just high enough to see him. For him to see you, tiny and terrified. A trembling rabbit that knew better than to hope for mercy from a hawk. “I do.”

It stung more than it had any right to. “And there’s nothing I can do make you stop hating me.”

You laughed, at that, the sound breathy and sardonic, melodic and unabashed, akin to bird songs and wind chimes and every other beautiful thing Xiao could think of, even in its most beaten down state. He wanted to kiss you, to hold you, to deafen himself because he knew nothing would ever be half as lovely as that laugh, but you were talking before he could act on the impulse. That was for the best, really. Acting on impulse was what got him into this, and he wasn’t eager to drive you away any further. “I don’t have any other choice,” You started, your tone light, your anger softened into something playful. The kind of tender rage only you were capable of. “If I could choose not to hate you, I would. You were my friend, and if I could find any way to justify your actions, you’d still be my friend. I don’t want to think of you as anything else.” You paused, letting out a deep breath, relaxing slightly. Xiao couldn’t bring himself to celebrate the small victory. “I don’t want to hate you, but I have to. You see that, right? After everything you’ve done to me, I have to hate you.”

He deserved this, and you deserved to say it. He deserved to have his heart broken, crushed and shattered in his chest, and you deserved to be the one to break it. “I don’t want you to hate me, either.” It felt more intimate than it should’ve, a confession rather than common knowledge. You might’ve teased him for it, months ago, smiled and said something about softening him up. Now, your frown only deepened. “But, I need to do this. Your safety comes first. If something ever happened to you, I’d—”

Even in his own mind, his logic faltered. ‘If something ever happened to you’, like he hadn’t already done more damage than any monster ever could. It might’ve been more redeemable if he was honest, if he admitted he was doing this for himself, because he wanted to, because just for an hour, a minute, a few key seconds, he was idiotic enough to think he deserved to have you, permanently, whether or not you wanted to have him.

But, he couldn’t say that. He didn’t know how. His mouth wouldn’t form the right words, so he was left to say the wrong ones, his tone taking a sharp turn towards hostile as he spoke. “The door isn’t locked. I’m not keeping you here. You can leave, if you’re really that miserable.”

You shifted, and Xiao’s throat went dry. He knew the answer, and yet, it still hurt to hear it in your voice, to know you were capable of inflicting such insufferable pain. “If I try to, will you let me?”

He wouldn’t. Of course he wouldn’t, he couldn’t even tell himself he’d try. He’d hunt you down to the ends of Teyvat if he had to, spend the rest of his immortality finding you and making sure you never had the chance to do something so short-sighted again. He could make the guilt more bearable, promising himself he’d take care of you, that since he couldn’t do away with the cage entirely, he’d do his best to make your prison a comfortable one, but you’d still be unhappy, you’d still hate him. He’d hate himself, too, but that might be the one aspect of your relationship he thought he could stand. If nothing else, Xiao didn’t make himself a stranger to self-loathing.

“I love you,” He mumbled, as if that counted for anything. “So much. More than you could possibly understand.”

“I know.” You were the one to bridge the gap, this time, a hesitant hand coming to rest over his. Something in his chest tightened, and for a moment, Xiao had to wonder if it was possible for a mortal to be so cruel. “But, I don’t love you. There’s nothing you can do to change that.”

You moved to pull away, fear fading into sympathetic pity, but Xiao didn’t want your pity, he didn’t want you to go back to hiding from him, trembling and screaming and treating him like some monster, a beast waiting to lash out. That’s what he was, really, but he didn’t have to admit it. He didn’t want to admit it. He didn’t want to let himself believe he’d fallen that far, and he didn’t want to let you treat him as if he had.

His grip was too tight, a whimper escaping your parted lips as he caught you by the wrist, but he couldn’t bring himself to care, not when it was so easy to jerk you towards him, forcing you out of your pathetic, laughable shelter and into his lap, his free arm latching onto your waist before you had a chance to pull away. The remorse was reflexive, immediate and instinctual, but for the first time, he allowed himself to ignore it, to bury it underneath the pleasant warmth of your skin against his and the bliss that came with being so close to you, with burying his face in your shoulder, with indulging every necessity he’d denied himself in the name of your comfort. Your hands were already on his chest, your entire body shaking as you made a weak attempt to push him away, but Xiao was stronger than you, and he loved you so much more than you could ever hate him. This was fair. That had to be enough to make it fair.

You shifted, the air catching in your lungs, but Xiao only bared his teeth, letting pointed fangs ghost over the side of your neck before he could regret scaring you. Maybe he wanted to scare you. Maybe it’d be better, if you were scared of him. At least then, he wouldn’t have to keep playing dutiful lover. 

“Don’t move,” He snarled, and instantly, you went still. He could feel your heart racing in your chest, hear the cracked sob you failed to swallow, but he wanted this, he needed this. You’d get used to it, with time. You might even begin to appreciate the weeks he spent coddling you, once you were exposed to the alternative. “I don’t want to hurt you, but I need this. I need you to let me have this.” He paused, giving you just enough to time to stiffen, to realize he wasn’t letting go. To realize he was never letting go, even if that meant you only grew to hate him more. “I don’t care if you love me. I need you.” 

Because he’d already gotten what he deserved. He’d already suffered, anguished, submitted himself fully to karma and reaped the consequences. The lesson had been drilled into him a thousand times, by his own hand another hundred. He already knew pain.

He’d already gotten what he deserved.

For once, he wanted to know what it would be like to get what he wanted, instead.

[missmungoe]

In the trailer, when Shanks leaves Uta, you can see a lot of fire and Uta’s clothes are messy, like they’d been fighting. Something happens and he decides/realizes/is forced to leave her with someone he trusts. Whether biological or not (my guess is not, just that they consider each other father and daughter) he clearly had a relationship with her, the first scene is of them talking and her heartbreak speaks of a close bond. Maybe I’m just overly attached to the Shanks you’ve gifted us with, but I genuinely believe that whatever the reason for leaving her, it’s because it’s necessary. I mean, Oda’s giving Shanks a daughter, if he’s not at least devoted to her, what’s even the point of it?!

Oh I definitely think he has a reason for leaving her; it's just that he would cut contact to the point where she's grown up, has left home, and is doing something that he - according to Luffy - would take issue with if he knew about it that doesn't sit right with me. I would just like to imagine that if Shanks had a daughter, he'd find a way to keep tabs on her, even if they had to be apart? Also, his almost detached attitude in the trailer rubs me the wrong way? Where is the strong-feeling Shanks that ugly cried at Roger's execution? Or that FREAKS OUT when he realises the bandits have taken Luffy? (This might also be my personal bias speaking, after writing 500K words of him turning the whole sea on its head to find his missing daughter in Mnemosyne, but what can I say, I love a man who feels strongly).

Of course, it's just a short trailer and the film will no doubt fill in some blanks, but it just feels a bit gimmicky to me. Oda said he wanted the film to centre around a female character for once, and connecting her to Shanks this way feels (as some of you have pointed out) like a clever marketing move. I mean, what better way to create interest around a new character than to connect her to one of your most beloved (and long-hyped) characters? Hopefully it’s more than that, but I’m still keeping it at (one) arm’s length, and for me, his canon kids are and will always be one (1) boy with a straw-hat currently liberating the world, and one (1) baby safe in his mother’s arms in East Blue.

This trailer did do one thing for me, which was make me dust off my notes for the happy AU of Mnemosyne where Rowan is raised with Luffy, and Shanks is the best long-distance dad ever.

[pfreadsandwrites]

ok i think i'm going to die of cuteness when i think of kakashi meeting his newborn son for the first time. After giving birth, that's where our copy ninja has a lot of mixed feelings and we know that being a father terrifies him, but that feeling of love and warmth overcomes him greatly when he sees his newborn in the arms of his beloved and hugs him for first time. I have a feeling that Kakashi deserves all the love he had to suffer in the past and as a new life with his new family.

FOR SURE ANON AAHHHHH

kakashi meeting his newborn son is my favourite thing to write/imagine. i've probably written that scene *SO* many times but i'm just unable to be satisfied with whatever i come up with but i am gonna do more with it. Without giving too much away for the last ignominy instalment, that's essentially a big part of the third/final chapter. kakashi being a father and meeting his son and all the love and angst and being reminded of his own father that that entails. I just didn't know whether I should write it as part of that or a separate one-shot because it feels more self-indulgent and less canon-compliant because i wanted to minimise anything approaching OC or SI with Ignominy, but I decided to go ahead cuz I think it would make the story full circle and complete it in the best way, and I already decided it'll be part of that but i might do a longer thing on it one day.

ANYWAY he absolutely loves his son right away, so much more than he ever thought he was capable, and he's so scared to be so consumed by that so instantly and so entirely, and that something so small and so vulnerable and innocent is now in his care, and that he helped *create* this tiny thing? i honestly think he'd have trouble holding the baby right away. he'd really need a gently encouraging and understanding s/o. it's just so overwhelming. He's always doubting whether he's 'good enough' for anything good, he just really sees himself as never deserving this kind fo thing... Just being a man that's taken so many lives to help bring something pure like a child into the world, and to have people he cares about depend on him? And then if it's a son there's also the father/son drama and what kind of man this baby boy will become and whether Kakashi thinks of himself as a good enough model for him whilst also comparing himself to his own father. It's easier to die to protect a random civilian lmao than have a family, have people to worry about and worrying about him in turn. There's just so much going on, so many emotions that are just gonna be so intense and conflicting.

But you're totally right, and I want him to have a picture perfect family so badly and YES he absolutely deserves it. he's the kind of man that would shy away from it and not realise how much he wanted it till it actually happens too. it's not long till he honestly feels so happy, and above all lucky, something he's not used to feeling.