#but who's never around long enough to make. good progress on dealing w it

[coastal-mangos-one]

babe r u ok you're rewatching the final sequence of Beginner's Guide again

[firingstars]

neighborly advice | ch. 9

bucky barnes x reader

summary: you're missing bucky like crazy, but you've finally made progress on your research and even got a new team member. bucky returns home, only for a new misunderstanding to rise.

warnings: 18+, brief mentions of smut, angst, longing, you miss bucky sooo bad, no use of y/n, misunderstanding, alcohol, timeline is somewhere around the middle/end of fatws, language, no one knows who peter is

word count: 4.4k

a/n: i love peter parker except when im playing marvel rivals... that mf is perma-banned idc im not dealing w his ass

previous chapter | next chapter

You’re losing your mind. Genuinely. Does Bucky know how relationships work in this century, or are you the one that’s dense? You’re not certain anymore. Something about whatever is going on between the two of you does not make any sort of sense. 

You two have gone on a few more dates. Each time, Bucky refuses to let you pay. He has you ride on the back of his motorcycle while holding him, then he holds your hand while you two walk the remainder of the distance to whatever destination he had planned for you. Then, you go home. Sometimes, you find yourself tangled in his sheets. Truthfully, you usually are tangled in his sheets. 

Bucky holds you in his arms like he’ll never get to touch you again. He’s careful with every single movement and gesture. He is a gentleman at the end of the day. You fall apart on his fingers, tongue, and his length multiple times in one night. It’s almost as if he’s quietly apologizing without saying the words– asking you to forgive him for leaving you alone for so long.

He wakes you up in the morning with breakfast and kisses that sometimes get naughtier, then you head your separate ways for the day. Then, he lets you know he’ll be away for another mission. On those missions, he doesn’t text you until he’s on the way home, and asks if you’re free for dinner.

Wash, rinse, repeat. 

You googled how dating was back in the forties. They would establish if they were going steady or not. Kissing wouldn’t happen on the first date. Holding hands was a rarity in itself. You kissed way before the first date. Generally– you didn’t kiss anyone on the first date, let alone sleep with them.

Maybe it was your fault. You didn’t voice your concerns of having a talk with him about what you expected your relationship to be. Were you his fuck buddy at this point? Were those even dates that you were going on? It was most likely the fuck buddy tax– he fed you before fucking you to keep your energy up for the night. 

What you were certain about was your feelings for him. Somewhere along the dates (that maybe weren’t dates), you learned more about him past what the museums had written about him. 

Bucky hates the winter, but his body is more adapted to colder weather. His apartment is always freezing, but it’s fine. His body emits out an alarming amount of heat. You fall asleep easier next to him on the nights you spend together.

Bucky has nightmares. You learned the way he acted towards you on that first night was due to his nightmares. They’re often dark, and it puts him in a bad mood for the day, but he trusts you enough to tell you about it. He never goes into detail about what the nightmares could possibly be about, but you tell him that you’re ready to listen to him if or when he wants to voice it out to someone other than his mandated therapist. 

Bucky’s memory is scary good. You could mention once that you enjoy a certain brand of snack, and the next time you’re over at his place you’ll find that same snack stocked and ready for you to enjoy. He’s attentive to your needs, walks at a pace that matches your own, and has started to carry your purse for you. It’s somewhat comical to see such a large man with such a tiny purse sometimes.

Bucky’s lonely. He still grieves over his best friend. You still don’t know the truth about what happened to Steve, but you assume that Bucky is no longer in contact with the previous Captain America. He sometimes talks about Steve with a nostalgic look in his eyes, but there will also be bitterness at the end of each sentence. Bucky also talks about Sam in a strange way. There will be an edge and a bite to his words, but there will also be a sense of comfort– one that he won’t admit to himself. On these rare occasions he finally opens up, it makes your chest hurt just a little.

You may be the dense one. You think you are, at this point. You don’t know what to make of your relationship. He doesn’t contact you unless it’s to ask you on a date. Your dates are overnight affairs, and then you don’t talk again. 

You might be way over your head. 

“Have you tried ignoring him?” Ms. Chan asked you.

“Why would I ignore him?” you asked with a frown. You don’t tell her that you have ignored him before, though it was just for half a day or so. You feel in that situation, your actions were justified. 

“Make him miss you.” The old woman shrugged as she finished packaging your food. “You are stressed that you do not know how he feels, yes? So, make him decide. You should never chase a man first. It’s a bad look.”

“I think talking to him about our current situation would be a lot easier and faster than doing all of that.”

“Where’s the fun in that?” She grinned at you. You could only let out a deep sigh, and shake your head. 

You would not be taking the advice of the thrice divorced woman, you decided. Nothing wrong with being divorced, but you’re starting to see why her partners did not stick around with her for so long. 

You would go with your original plan of talking to Bucky face to face when he returned from his latest mission. You couldn’t do this same song and dance for another two months without knowing if this was something that was going to be long term between the two of you. After all, things were finally starting to look up in your future. 

Since the fall out with Leah, you’d put all your energy back into working. She may be right; that your job is your life. Who cares if it was? Either way, the sudden free time you had was all put into reaching out to different scientific research centers or other renowned scientists, pitching your product, getting rejected without a reason, then doing the same thing all over again. Until finally, someone decided to give you a chance. You managed to secure a face to face meeting with a sponsor and their board of executives. You would be lying if you said it didn’t make you nervous. 

The sponsor expressed interest in both your study, and stated that if things went well over your formal discussion in the next couple of days, they would have no problem in securing you a lab and team that would help push your development to the next level. You needed this to go well. You couldn’t go back home. You might even change your name, leave the country, and get plastic surgery if this meeting didn’t turn out well.

All dramatics, but it just goes to show how much you wanted this for your future. And if Bucky was to be part of your future, you wanted to mentally prepare for that– for him.

Maybe it would be easy for you to greet him after every mission– to see the bruises and cuts he sustained. To be able to send him off into harm's way knowing that he had your tech in his pocket as a backup if his mission really went south. You could trust your own intelligence to save his life. Bucky was a super soldier, but he wasn’t immortal. 

Deep down, you knew that it would never be easy for you.

Bucky must think he was really good at hiding his injuries from you after his missions. You never mentioned the slight limp you once saw, or the sharp intake of breath when you wrapped your arms around his waist on the motorcycle. How he sometimes switched positions in bed so you wouldn’t see the blossoming bruise on his ribcage, or have you ride him instead knowing that his knee was fucked up. 

You didn’t want to mention it. You felt like you couldn’t. One night, Bucky said a small sentence to you when he thought you were asleep. Your eyes were closed, head on his chest, as his fingers traced shapes into the bare skin of your back.

“You make me feel like a normal man,” he whispered into the darkness of the room.

Your phone felt heavy in your hands as you stared at it. No new notifications. No new messages from him. You hadn’t heard from him in over a week. 

You were beginning to experience the symptoms of early PVS.

Phantom Vibration Syndrome.

Causes? Being on your damn phone too much, and psychologically believing that there was a notification waiting for you on the screen only to find out there was nothing there at all. 

You were really starting to hate the device. Even when there was a true notification sound or vibration, it was never him. Your hopes would be shot up through the roof, only to be burned straight down into the ground with another spam email haunting your screen. Every time you looked at your phone, you hoped it was him. Hoped it was another message telling you that he would be home soon, asking you out to dinner. 

At this rate, you might just chuck your phone out the window of the fifth floor of your apartment building and call it a phone cleanse. You know that if you ever would, you would run straight downstairs to retrieve it, and double check that Bucky didn’t text you in the few seconds your phone went airborne. 

All this told you was how fucking into Bucky you were.

It wasn’t just a simple crush anymore. He was plaguing your mind, you were missing his touch, his smell. Your memories of him alone were no longer enough. You needed him by your side, and it terrified you. You missed the man so badly, but you refused to contact him first. He was at work, after all. 

Your mind went into a strange turn. There were moments where your finger hovered over the send button on your screen, only to delete the message a few moments later. What if he was undercover with Captain America right now? What if his phone wasn’t on silent or turned off, and you would give away his position to whoever he was going against? You still didn’t know the details of the jobs he was doing. The anxiety of not knowing ate you alive.

As you unpacked your things into your new lab, you groaned. You wanted to know. You didn’t even necessarily want to hear his voice or see his face– you just wanted to know that he was on the other side of the screen, thinking of you, too. You wanted to hear how he was doing, maybe tell you where he was currently at if the situation allowed it… Maybe even inform you that he was alive.

The radio silence was destroying you from the inside out. 

At the end of the day, Bucky didn’t necessarily owe you any sort of communication. He wasn’t officially yours.

You spent your days tinkering away in the lab to avoid the neverending spiral in your head. The sponsors allowed you full freedom in your work, and you decided to take as much time doing this by yourself as possible. You would begin to scout and look for a team later, and be more selective in who you chose this time around. Hopefully, these guys would be even more receptive to what your plans were.

That was the plan, at least, until your sponsor came over one day with another university student in tow. A few years younger than you, smart kid, they said. The sponsor spoke so fast that neither of you were able to even get a few words out before they left you alone in the lab.

“Um.. I’m Peter. Peter Parker,” he introduced himself, holding a hand out for you to shake.

“Nice to meet you,” you replied, giving him your own name as you shook his hand.

“Mr. Walsh told me about what you’re doing here,” he said, clearing his throat. “I’m gonna be honest– I’m interested because it sounds similar to Mr. Stark’s nanotechnology.”

You let out a small laugh. Yes, that’s why anyone ever approached you with intentions of joining your team. You smiled at him, and nodded.

“Same concept, but different. I’m not building armor,” you told him, and Peter nodded. 

“Is the team just… you?” he asked slowly, and you watched as his eyes quickly darted across the room. 

“Just me,” you nodded. “You’re more than welcome to stay for the week if you would like to observe and see what I’m trying to do. I do have one successful prototype, if you’d like me to demonstrate?”

“You do?” he asked, his eyes widening. There was a sparkle in them– excitement. Something you rarely saw in other scientists your age. You couldn’t help but let your smile widen as you gestured for him to follow you deeper into the lab.

Peter officially joined your team after two days of observation. He was a better fit than anyone that you’d ever talked with before, if you were being honest. He had the energy for the technological side of the product, which meant you were able to focus on the medical portion. 

You learned that he lived alone in the city. His parents had passed away when he was young, and he was raised by his aunt, who passed away not too long ago either. 

“Don’t have… friends really, either. So I’m able to put all my focus into this,” he told you, giving you an awkward little smile. 

“That’s okay,” you said with a shrug. “The only friend I had ended up stabbing me in the back, so I guess we can be loners in the lab together.”

Peter had laughed at that, and you smiled. 

It was easy getting along with Peter. Within the following week, you realized how less lonely you were with another person around. Of course, you still missed Bucky. You still stayed up late to see if you could hear him come home in the middle of the night. He would be the type of person to forgo texting you if he knew you were asleep, you think.

But the friendship you’re cultivating with Peter helped remove your thoughts from a place that you didn’t even know you were heading into.

“Alright, Parker,” you said, stretching your hands high above your head. “Let’s call it for today.”

“Huh? It’s only… 9:30,” he said, glancing down at his watch quickly.

“Yup. And it’s Friday night. You’re at least twenty-one, aren’t you?”

“I mean, I was Blipped…” he trailed off. You shrugged.

“So was I. Let’s go drink something strong.”

The two of you find yourself in a small bar not too far away from the research lab. You realized quickly that the boy never really had a drink before, so you ordered him a beer. You can’t help but snicker at the way his face contorts as he drinks, then forces it down his throat to avoid spitting it all over the place.

“What the hell is this?” he groaned, looking at the bottle.

“Alcohol. Eat the snacks so you don’t get drunk fast,” you said with a grin. 

“You drink this stuff all the time?” he asked in disbelief, still staring at the glass. 

“Not as much these days,” you answered. “Someone told me they like it when I remember things, so I’ve slowed down.”

“You black out often?”

“Been a rough couple months, to put it simply.”

“You’re telling me,” he whispered, and took another drink of the beer. You laugh this time at the face he makes, then order him something sweet to drink instead. 

You should’ve calculated for the fact this was his first time drinking. You really should’ve. The boy ends up gone faster than you thought was humanly possible. Even when you had your first shots at sixteen (given to you by your grandfather), you were still coherent. Peter was a different type of drunk. 

“My girlfriend doesn’t even remember me,” Peter whined to you, head dropped down onto the bar. You nodded at his words, mildly amused. 

Just half a beer and a simple fruity drink later, and Peter’s loose lipped and relaxed in front of you. This past week, he’d been straightening whenever you walked into the room. He never met your eyes unless you were directly in front of him. He reminded you of a puppy, if you were being honest. You place your chin in your hand, elbow propped up against the counter as you continued to listen to him. 

“Well, she’s not even my girlfriend anymore. Ex, I guess, but I really hate that. God, I loved her– no, I love her so much.”

“She has amnesia, then? Was there an accident?” you asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

“Do you know who Spider-Man is?” he questioned, words slurring at you. 

“Who doesn’t?” you retorted. 

“Me. I’m Spider-Man. No one knows,” he murmured, burying his face in his hands now. “Dr. Strange did this crazzzzyyyy spell that makes everyone who knew me, forget about me. So now I have no friends. No family. Nobody.”

“Right,” you said with a slow nod. “You’re Spider-Man. I must be Black Widow then.”

Peter looked at you, frowning. “You don’t believe me.”

You shrug, then pat his back supportively. “Tell me again when you’re not drunk out of your mind, buddy.”

“Ugh,” Peter groans your name, clearly distraught. “Imma be alone forever.”

“Well, we’re friends now. And we work together, so you’re not completely alone,” you hummed. Peter goes quiet at that, then lets out a deep breath.

“You can’t forget me either, then,” he said, voice decisive. “Swear it. I don’t think I can do this again.”

“I won’t Peter,” you promised. You still think he’s full of shit, but maybe one day he would open up about his tragic backstory. Maybe you’d tell him about yours. Either way, you only just met the guy. 

Bucky missed her. The mission took longer than he even thought was possible, but they ran into one dead end after another. This wasn’t like the other missions before. The other missions let him be gone for maybe five days maximum, but then he would be on his way back into her arms. He would be texting her the second he realized he was heading home, give her a heads up to kindly clear her busy schedule for him, and he would be all over her.

Over time, Bucky realized that he needed her as badly as man needed water.

This time, there wasn’t enough buffer for him to be able to return home to her. The dead ends were frequent, but they always found another lead. He and Sam needed to move quickly to make sure nothing would tie up without the two of them finding out what they needed to.

And now, it was over. He was certain that he would have a break until the next thing came along. He would be able to go back to courting her, taking her out on proper dates under the sun– not just the haphazard dinner dates that he messily put together on the jet ride back home. 

Bucky wanted to ask her to be his girl.

He didn’t feel right doing it when he was constantly away. He knew, realistically, that he would often be away for the nature of the job he was doing. However, he wanted to be able to spend the beginning of their relationship together, not apart. He already had it planned in his head.

Bucky would knock on her door, bouquet of flowers and chocolate in hand as he smiled, then sheepishly apologize for the lack of communication the past few weeks. If she forgave him, then he would ask if she’d like to join him on a picnic for lunch. There, he would explain to her the severity of the job he was doing. He knew she was smart, and that she would have already thought about it on her own, but he wanted to give her the choice to choose this, to choose him.

It made him nervous to think about her answer. A strong part of him wanted to believe that she would tell him yes without any hesitation. After all, she always responded to all of his late night texts in a span of a few minutes. The only time she hadn’t was when she was already asleep, but she texted back the second she woke up. She was always waiting and ready for him when he came home, happy to be taken anywhere that he thought of. 

A smaller whisper in the back of his head told him that she would say no. That the past three weeks of silence was too much for her to handle, and this wasn’t healthy. That she couldn’t live like this, especially not in a relationship. He knew her. He knew she craved stability. Bucky planned to argue every single denial she had, give her every possible reason to please choose him.

He knew that it was asking a lot. He knew that it wouldn’t be easy to be her, but he would kill himself trying to make it better for her.

“She’s probably not even awake, Buck,” Sam said with a yawn beside him, then picked up his phone to check the time. “It’s almost one in the morning.”

“Focus on the road,” Bucky grunted. Damn it all to hell if he gets into a car wreck on his way back to the apartment building– to the room right next to yours. 

Bucky was pretty banged up, if he was being truthful. To him, it wasn’t all that bad. He would tell her that he had been through worse because he has. However, he knows that she’ll take one look at him, and he’d crumble under her gaze. She would take him into her apartment, force him to sit down, and then flutter around the place while she grabbed the various medical supplies in her home.

Maybe that’s what he wanted, after a long mission. To be gently taken care of by her.

He would’ve texted her already, let her know that he was coming home if it wasn’t for the fact his phone was somewhere in the ocean, probably already down on the seafloor. Bucky decided he would have to memorize her phone number next time he got the chance. He could at least call her from a payphone somewhere just to hear her voice. 

“Woah.. Is that her?” Sam asked, the car coming to a slow pace as they approached his apartment building. 

Bucky’s eyes shot up, then narrowed.

It was. It was her. 

She was there, on the curb, helping someone– a boy– walk. His arm was thrown around her shoulder, stumbling. She was struggling, trying to keep him upright. Sam rolled down the windows– probably to listen in. Sam wouldn’t be able to hear a damn thing, but Bucky could.

“Parker– I swear to God, don’t fall asleep on me. I’m not strong enough to drag you all the way home,” she grunted.

He slurred something intelligible, something that Bucky couldn’t understand– but it made her laugh. Made her laugh so loud, without a single care in the world. Bucky’s chest tightened at the sight.

“It’s my house. I need you to wake up for a few seconds because the elevator doesn’t work and I live on the fifth floor–”

“The fifth floor?!” the guy cut you off, shouting. It made you laugh again. “Holy shit, you must be made of steel or something.”

“You’re so loud!” she hissed at him, but she’s still smiling. 

“Sorry,” he apologized, a sheepish grin coming onto his own face. 

“Give me my purse,” she said, rolling her eyes. “Need the key to go up. Lean against the wall.”

‘Parker,’ as she called him, does as she asked. His arms are crossed over his chest as he watched her, eyes half lidded and closing sleepily. 

“You really won’t leave me?” he asked, his voice quiet.

“Yes, Peter,” she said with a soft sigh as she opened up the door to the stairwell. “You’re not alone anymore, so c’mon.”

Peter’s arm returns around her shoulders, and they disappear into the building. There’s a few more seconds of laughter and giggling before Bucky can’t hear anything more, the concrete of the apartment dampening his ability to hear.

“Buck? You heading in?” Sam asked, his voice quiet. 

Bucky’s jaw was clenched tight, then he swallowed. His chest fucking hurt. His heart was beating in abnormal times. If he got an EKG at this moment, he was certain a cardiologist would flag him for a heart attack. His breathing was uneven, his eyesight was going blurry. He hadn’t blinked. He didn’t want to miss a single moment of her. 

Maybe he was misinterpreting this. This was nothing. She could have friends, he tried to reason with himself.

But fuck, he knew that she had no friends. There was no one that she fucking talked to. Did she move on?

Could he blame her? He was gone for almost three weeks this time. No call, no text. However, there was bitterness clawing up his throat and threatening to spill out. He wanted to scream. He wanted to shout, yell at someone, break something– but he couldn’t. He settled with turning his face back to the road. He willed himself to breathe properly, or he might just pass out from lack of oxygen to his head.

“Compound,” Bucky muttered.

Silence filled the car for just a few moments as Sam stared at him, trying to decide he wanted to say something. Ultimately, Sam put the gearshift in drive, and began to take off down the road.

next chapter

taglist: @iyskgd @falconxsoldier @1967barracuda @retrxgreyde @lemonpiegurll @lokiofasgard616 @local-crazy @tor-tor8 @shortandb1tchy 

let me know if you would like to join the neighborly advice taglist! (or a general bucky taglist for when i post one-shots) :)

[joocomics]

UPCOMING: LOVE LOOKS GOOD ON YOU

✭ 18+

you never expected the mysterious boy who walked around the bookstore mindlessly, looking completely out of place among the shelves of well-loved novels, to return so soon… or at all. despite your obvious differences, he keeps coming back and each visit pulls you further out of your comfort zone until you find yourself at a crossroads… are you willing to step into his chaotic life or you’d rather stay safely in between the pages of your books?

pairing: non-idol!jooyeon x fem!reader | streetfighter!jooyeon x bookseller!reader

genre: smut w/ plot, angst, slice of life | bad boy x good girl trope | featuring: gaon as the café guy ; o.de as jooyeon’s close friend

general warnings: corruption kink, jooyeon has red flags (but nothing too serious), many descriptions of wounds and bruises, jealousy and possession, occasional aggression (not towards reader), dumbification, degradation during sex

PART ONE: in progress… PART TWO: outlining…

release date: to be announced

est word count — this is going to be the longest thing i've ever written in my life after my master thesis buckle up

preview word count — 1.5k

🎧 now playing… is it a crime? - montell fish, rooting for my baby - miley cyrus, red velvet - jutes & ari abdul, knock ‘em dead kid - mötley crüe, you and i - arctic monkeys

→ full playlist here

taglist is open! comment or send me an ask and i will add you right away so you don’t miss out on the story when it’s up ♡ (if you’re in the list you will be tagged for both parts)

READ A PREVIEW BELOW

Mornings at the bookstore always start the same way.

The soft click of the key turning in the lock, the bell ringing at your presence. The quiet shuffling of your feet across the wooden floors. The aroma of your first coffee for the day mingling with the faint scent of books. The quickening rhythm of the city slipping through the glass windows along with golden patches of sunlight where the packed shelves stand in neat towering rows.

It’s something you had grown used to, a comforting routine you cannot imagine unfolding in a different way.

You flip the bookstore’s sign to Open and take another sip of your coffee.

Just another day at work. Another day of unpacking books, arranging displays, and helping customers find the right story - nothing out of the ordinary. Those are your favorite activities to do.

And yet, your mind is drifting elsewhere.

More in particular, back to the day when a stranger, looking completely out of place among the books, wandered into the store. He didn’t stay long, but he stayed long enough to catch your attention; to make you want to take another secret glimpse of his unfamiliar face as you were dealing with two customers at the front desk.

He stayed long enough to leave an impression - and to make you immediately recognise him the second time he returned. Dark brown hair, slightly messy, but enhancing his attractiveness. Sharp, distinct face. Slim figure with broad shoulders. Bold flickering gaze. You can’t mistake him, even his aura makes the air inside the store shift the moment he walks in.

The first time he just walked around mindlessly; hands casually resting inside his pockets as he scanned the shelves, looking like someone who’s killing time than searching for a book. He didn’t pick up anything nor did he ask you questions.

The second time, he stood in front of the non-fiction section for a little bit longer. You tried to keep yourself busy, but every time his black leather jacket interrupted the silence with a muffled noise, your eyes flickered to his direction on the instant. Wanting to find out what led somebody like him here made you curious of every small movement of his. You continued to follow his figure discreetly until you were foolishly pretending to be completing tasks on the computer.

It was an innocent curiosity.

That’s what you keep telling yourself, but why did it felt like you got caught when he came up at the front desk that day, and told you the things he did? With hands still hidden in his pockets and head tilted to the side as if he was the one analysing you, not you - him.

You replay the conversation in your head, word for word, because you haven’t forgotten a single bit from it, and the same heat you felt in that moment rises to your face again.

“Aren’t you supposed to ask if I’m looking for a book?”

To be honest, you were surprised to hear such melodious voice. Perhaps, based on his sharp features and edgy clothes, you expected a more coarse tone, but eventually as you kept talking more, you realised it fits him perfectly.

“I… I thought you were in the middle of reading something so I didn’t want to disturb you.”

“But you didn’t ask me the other day either.”

“I had customers who were purchasing books and you left too quickly.”

“Right, right, that makes sense. I was starting to think that I intimidate you.” He flashed his brows at you with intrigue. His expression remained casual as a flirtatious smirk settled subtly on his lips. “Or that you just like staring at me.”

“Keeping an eye on our customers while they’re browsing is a part of my job.”

After that response, his smile widened.

No other stranger has ever smiled at you so comfortably like that before.

Based on his body language as he stepped closer it seemed like he was entertained by your answers.

“When it comes to us… I think it’s me keeping an eye on you.”

You were at loss for words.

Keeping an eye on you? A guy like him? You like to think that you do possess a decent, acceptable amount of self-confidence, but one week later - you still can’t come up with a reason why he would be interested in someone like you.

You didn’t ask why. Instead, you tried to play it casual, dismissing his comment by asking if he was searching for a specific title or an author. That’s what he was waiting for, right?

He laughed - to which you weren’t surprised.

You know how to spot a reader; someone with passion for literature, someone who prefers getting lost in a fictional world rather than in the overwhelming reality.

He is not one of them.

Lee Jooyeon is not a reader.

Truthfully, you doubt he's ever held a book open for longer than two minutes in his life. He’s the type of person who prefers entirely different sensations - to be outside, lost in thick crowds, banging rock music, alcohol and smoke, places where things happen all at once and they happen loud.

He did not tell you all of that himself, but it’s not hard to guess.

On his third visit is when you learned his name. That’s when you also seen him last.

Lee Jooyeon - it suits his face perfectly just like the way his voice perfectly matches his lips.

“So why books?”

“I grew up a reader.” You slightly shrugged shoulders; to you that explains everything, but Jooyeon who was having a difficult time understanding you, was staring at you silently, expecting to hear more. “This is my favorite place to be.”

“Aren’t you too young to stay here all day? I thought only old people work in bookstores and libraries.”

To that, you chuckled, meanwhile, his expression remained the same - calm, as if he were merely stating an obvious fact rather than making conversation.

He was leaning against the front desk, elbows resting on the wood, his body tilted just enough to bring him closer. Close enough that you could see the sharp angles of his face - the strong cut of his jawline, the high curve of his cheekbones, and the sensual shape of his lips as they moved; close enough that you found yourself staring a little too often.

You remember the adrenaline rush tightening in your stomach from the closeness so clearly, it’s still lingering. It wasn’t fear, nor discomfort, just an unfamiliar thrill that caught you off guard. But you didn’t pull back. Nothing was stopping you from doing it, you simply didn’t mind.

You’re just not used to feeling like this… like you’re standing at the edge of something unpredictable, something a little reckless. You’re not the kind of person who seeks out such adrenaline rushes.

“I don’t know, it’s too quiet.” Jooyeon murmured after a brief pause - a pause that had you struggling to look away from him; at that moment his eyes were fixed on the glass door, watching the people walking by on the street. “Time must pass too damn slowly here. I’d hate it.”

And that’s when you knew for sure.

He is the opposite side of the coin.

After that, you finally asked him what he did for a living. He said he worked at a bar but didn’t mention which one. You could have pressed for details, but you didn’t. Not because you weren’t curious, but because you didn’t want to seem noisy, like the type to show up unannounced, to dig too deep into a life he wasn’t quite willing to share yet. So instead, you shifted the subject, asking him how he spent his free time - something easy, something casual. Pretty much, the things he already knows about you, - but he didn’t really respond to that either, not directly, anyway.

Once again, he brought the focus back on you without you even realising it. Eventually, you’ll notice he does that a lot.

“Depends,” his voice was thoughtful as something darker was dancing in his eyes, “I’d like to spend some of it with you though.”

Your breath caught for a split second.

“Here?”

A smirk, that at this point, was getting familiar to you, creeped onto his lips as he shrugged shoulders. But his voice sounded serious as he said:

“As long as the cameras don’t catch us.”

It must’ve been written all over your face - how caught off guard you were, how you struggled to form a response. You didn’t want to push him away, but you didn’t know how to handle someone like him either; someone who said things so boldly, so effortlessly, making you question whether he was serious or simply teasing. And last, but not least - because you refuse to disobey the rules and ethics of your job.

Before you could answer, the bell above the door chimed, and a customer walked in.

Undeniably, you were relieved.

Of course, Jooyeon noticed. The smirk appeared again.

“Maybe next time.”

That’s what he said before leaving - the day you learned each other’s names. Exactly five days ago.

And now?

Now, you can’t stop looking at the door.

No matter what task you’re trying to complete - sorting through deliveries, rearranging shelves, wiping down the counter, - you find yourself glancing up at the entrance. Just like you did yesterday.

And the day before that.

to be continued… please, look forward to the full story!

[inchidentally]

Inchie we need your words of reason again 🙏 Newer fans have bled over from other hockey rpf and keep crossing lines 🫥

babe idk how wise I am ?? at all but I'm a firm believer in using common sense about rpf. and I haven't personally seen the stuff you're alluding to but! I've seen posts referring to it and I heard smth about another ship suffering a containment breach… so can't hurt to throw my 2c in as well ?? idk?

tl;dr that landoscar is NOT the ship for you if you 're going to try and force it to be "real" in a l*rry way*. this ship adores the real life friendship without having it compete with the guys' other many friendships - and we do NOT hate women and women partners or pretend they're beards/fakes/conveniently open relationship. and we absolutely do NOT push rpf outside of fandom. you'll get blocked/reported if you do. this is NOT the space for you to find your next "omg what if they're actually fcking" ship. Lily and Oscar are basically forever, Lando is rightfully loving his life sharing his beautiful body with people, and the fan fiction for the ship is staggeringly amazing so we're very very happy w the status quo <3

and we do NOT share rpf content with Lando, Oscar, anyone in F1, the families - basically if they're not someone you know solely in fandom, you don't share rpf with them. again, you will not find support for that here.

I "officially" joined landoscar fandom around Silverstone 2023 and these have been the hard lines taken for as long as I can remember and from all of the OG people in this fandom. esp from people who've been here since Oscar's Alpine tweet bc landoscar is unique in not having led with a PR image and we've all gotten to see every nervous, stumbling and authentic progression of their partnership and friendship along the way - at no point feeling the need to cross the boundary between fic and reality. it truly is charming and intriguing and rewarding as it exists in reality!

as far as the 'why' essay I'll drop all that where it can be ignored easily aslfgjalgf

like I said - landoscar has always been the exception of no one ever slipping over into trying to "make it real" in large part bc Lando and Oscar don't do the PR bromance/fake gay/fan service stuff which !reminder! is content in other ships I absolutely eat up and is 100% targeted to me but !! I'm also aware is connected to a lot of inappropriate fan behavior from ppl who blur the lines between amusing PR content and reality. trust me, I had to basically abandon carland0 which was my very first f1 ship bc to this day - fully out in the open - I see casual misogyny thrown around about Rebecca and ppl truly loudly thinking Lando and Carlos - who have always referred to each other as brothers and who laugh at the "gay" stuff they do precisely bc it's not real - genuinely fcked and/or dated. I will never care enough about an rpf ship to willingly encounter that shit on a regular basis. I know there's a lot of good ppl in the ship who don't engage in that stuff but I have such a hard line about wag hate that it's not worth it for me.

ironically or maybe because of, Lando and Oscar are the only drivers to NOT engage in playing gay for laughs BUT also who hit multiple progressive bullet points in things like discussing romance and dating in gender neutral terms and not making a big deal out of consuming or discussing queer media etc. they actually walk the walk in not pushing gender identity or sexual orientation on hypotheticals or on each other. they also don't do any macho/tradmasc behavior with each other or even bro-ey stuff like rough-housing or loud, aggressive humor (nothing wrong with loud bro stuff tho as long as it doesn't veer into toxic territory! I come from hockeyblr originally so it can be really sweet!)

and landoscar is also the exception in that we all ADORE Lily and have zero interest in trying to erase her let alone anyone be hostile toward her. in straight people culture they're basically already married and that's how they were when landoscar started as a ship! a lot of us have regularly made posts similar to this for newer fans to remind them that Lily (and whoever Lando ends up with as a steady partner) are NOT pawns in an rpf game. Lily is a real human woman with a real life relationship with Oscar and while no one is obliged to engage w wag content, respecting her existence is the bare minimum expected.

the last point I should make is that there's a very clear difference for instance on my blog where I see fanservice ship content about say charl0s or frand0 or n0rtrell and lose my mind over it and love it etc. but then there's Alex or Rebecca or Pietra on my blog! bc I can have fun without erasing women or losing common sense!!

whereas whenever I post stuff about a friendship that rly does make me Feel Things and write my insane essays, it's bc of what the relationships verifiably are and not what they aren't. Max F truly has a complexity and level of depth in his relationship with Lando that is unique and special to each other's lives. in the same way, Lando and Oscar truly do have a particular charm and fondness for each other that's made them approach each other unusually tentatively and slowly - while also having such intense blushing fondness as well as a uniquely intriguing maturity to their professional partnership. this stuff is fascinating and those two examples in particular swim around into all kinds of social/emotional territory.

in ways that do not require conspiracies and fan theories of them fcking or dating to make them compelling.

(and tbh the fact that Lando has some form of "crush" on a lot of handsome men and subconsciously/consciously "flirts" is absolutely fine to enjoy... as long as none of it gets outside of fandom.)

and the fan fiction for landoscar is truly TRULY staggeringly prolific and immensely talented so that's where we go for imagining them in any other type of reality <3

*do not get mad or whatever abt this - if you did or still do just want to ship l*rry privately then whatever but that's the like terrible gold standard for horrific real life repercussions of taking rpf seriously and why fandoms should never ever allow that to happen. there's no debate about that.

[hivequest]

Sprite by @erifin, BG from Befriendus

You had felt your survival instincts had been getting better recently. Really, you did! You took roads that were at least known by trolls more often but still weren't too populated to lower the risks of running into any unsavory types. You didn't throw yourself headlong into every interaction with trolls who were very likely to kill you without at least pausing at the edge of the cliff and thinking "Well this might not be a good idea."

Really any progress was good progress! However, it wasn't enough for some of your friends. Either way, you're getting sidetracked.

The point is you're walking along a beach. Which!! You know isn't the smartest idea you've had but it's not like you didn't put ANY thought into it. You made sure to watch for a long time, checking and checking again to make sure there wasn't anyone hanging around. Not even just the land-dwelling trolls. You kept an eye out the horizon for a while, waiting to see any fishy types appear from the seafoam and bubbles.

Ha. Fishy types.

But there was no one. For a long way in any direction, there wasn't a soul in sight—no one to drag you down into hitherto unknown and dangerous watery depths.

So, you were strolling. It had been a long, long time since you were able to sink your toes in the sand. You knew this wasn't Earth but the sounds of the waves felt as familiar on this planet as they did back home. It felt… nice. Like for once, you were fully able to disconnect yourself from your friendventuring and recharge by doing something that was known to you. You enjoyed Tagora's spa days and lavish self-care but that wasn't something you could afford to do back home. You hated having to budget shit.

And this whole beach was completely abandoned! It was perfect!

You were so wrapped up in boosting your mental health and enjoying the quietude of being alone that you didn't realize that you weren't anymore…

Oh, fuck me.

There was absolutely someone behind you right now, wasn't there.

Trying not to flip the fuck out right away you continued your leisurely stroll, keeping your muscles purposefully untensed. The person, monster, whatever it was stayed right behind you. Its steps matched perfectly with your own to the point that you couldn't even hear it even though it was clearly right behind you.

Shit. Fuck. Piss.

How long had it been following you? How had it gotten so close to you without your human spacial awareness kicking in to say "Hey, Chucklefuck! Someone is creeping up behind you and is getting right up into your personal bubble!"?

You didn't know. And faking nonchalance was getting harder and harder. Why wouldn't it just do something? Kill the rising tension by killing you. Something, anything!

Make a move already!

You whip around to face your impending Bad End head-on when in a fraction of a second all of that fake bravado you just built up vanishes. Swept away by the waves as cold, icy reality stares you straight in the face.

You've crossed paths with seadwellers a few times. Never have they been pleasant experiences. This was worse. A lot worse.

The troll standing in front of you isn't unreasonably tall, but he's bigger than you. The fins and gills you would expect to see on a seadweller are there, obviously, but the thing that really seals the deal is his eyes. They're fuchsia. And staring right at you.

And he looks disgusted by what he sees.

Nothing in your quest for friends could have prepared you for this. Honestly, you were fine with purple bloods being the highest-ranked troll you got to bring into your friendship fold. You doubted being complicit with Polypa murdering a violet blood would do anything to endear you to them you get the distinct impression there's nothing you could say that would endear you to the troll standing in front of you. And he was fucking fuchsia. The top of the top. Part of the brutal climb for the seat of the empire.

"Why the fuck are you here?"

Ah, a very good question! You're right, you tell him. What are you doing here? You shake your head in dismay before trying to leave. You shouldn't be here, so you'll be on your way now!

"Take another step and you'll lose the privilege of having legs."

Yikes.

You choose then to stop and turn back around to look at the boy you just tried unsuccessfully to snub. He doesn't look impressed. He actually looks even more pissed than when you first dared to look at his face. Great! You love that for yourself.

"We asked you a question, you vaguely-shaped sea slug. You will answer Us."

We? Us? You peer around him to see if he has a posse of other fish trolls like that one group you ran into with Karako. But no, it's just him. So he's talking about himself in the third person. Cool. That's cool. And not at all making you feel like your guts have turned into worms from how much of a middle-school edgelord that makes him sound.

But wait. He's a prince, isn't he? Isn't there a royal "we" or something? Isn't that a thing? Huh. And you suppose this guy just takes way too far. Makes sense from what you would expect from someone at the top of the pyramid of the bullshit roles Alternia has.

Also, you still haven't answered this guy's question, Jesus Christ.

Well, you wanted to take a nice leisurely walk on the sand, take in the sights and sounds of the sea and this beach was completely empty so…

You give a little non-committal shrug. You hope the action will convey just how pure your intentions were and just how non-threatening you as an alien were.

His eyes narrow and he just looks more annoyed.

"No one was on the beach because this whole thing is Mine."

Oh, you were trespassing. Cool! Yeah, no wonder he wasn't happy to see you.

You apologize for bumbling your way onto his property. You'll leave if he wants you to. You want him to want you to.

"No. This isn't how this works. You strolled your way onto Our beach. You don't get to fuck off as you please. And either way…"

The moonlight catches on gold and you notice something glinting in his hands that you really should have seen before. He has a fucking trident.

"You're an alien."

This guy will kill you. You can tell that away away, he is not playing any games with you about that. You've been told several times by worried friends that you're cull-on-sight and crossing the path of any highblood who has anything less than the coldest of chills, someone would take your head. And you get the feeling that to a hot pink tyrant trying to prove his worth as a ruler to the powers that be, yours would make a good trophy.

Oh, boy. Now is the time to talk and talk fast.

You know from first-hand experience that just because a troll isn't friendly doesn't mean they aren't friendable. So it's time to do what you do best.

You nod, confirming what he already knows to be true. That's right, you're an alien! He seems to know so much about you already! Has he heard about you from his friends? Or has he seen your legs trending on Chittr? Really, you feel like you're at such a disadvantage here. He knows all about you and you don't even know his name!

His gaze which was so intense and deadly has fully warped into something confused. He doesn't know what to make of you now because of the whirlwind of bullshit you just threw at him. Good! He blinks a few times; god his eyes really are pink, aren't they?

"…Our name is Amante. Amante Belico."

He tilts his head arrogantly and you make a show of bowing in front of him. He seems to like that a lot and you know you have him in your little friendship grasp now. You can feel it. Just need to stroke his ego and you can make it out of this in at least less than ten pieces!

It's an honor to meet him! You haven't encountered an esteemed fuchsiablood before, you thank him for gracing you with his presence.

"We imagine it is an honor. Don't think We don't see what you're doing here. We aren't so crammed up Our own nook We can't tell when someone is trying to stoke Our ego for their own survival."

Oh.

"Unfortunately, it will work on Us."

Hell yes.

Amante leads you down the beach a little ways back in the direction you came from. You think for a moment he's going to let you go but then he turns off the path. You panic for a second and think he's going to lead you into some dark forest and give you a vicious poking with his trident when you see what looks to be… a tea party? A picnic? He has a beautiful gazebo and patio table setup and it looks stocked up with the most decadent finger foods you've seen since you crash-landed on this planet.

You're not even joking. You've since gotten used to the fact that trolls are eating bugs and other gross stuff that you're only putting into your own body because you have to, but Amante's spread? It looks delicious. All fancy cakes with frosting, cookies, and sandwiches shaped like cuttlefish. For someone so pissy he sure has a cute lunch.

As he settles into his chair he lifts a perfect eyebrow as if daring you to say shit about it. You smartly don't and brace yourself to avoid looking at the food in front of you to not annoy your possible new friend holy shit is that a drone.

Why are there always drones?

But this one doesn't look like the others you've seen. It's…. fancier. A lot more gold and decoration than any of the ones you've seen blowing up the homes of children. Even more different than the drones you're used to, instead of trying to maim you it sets a delicate pink plate in front of you, giving you a fork and a teacup which is promptly filled with a flowery tea.

You're… allowed to eat with him?

He gives you another dour look.

"Of course you're going to eat with Us. We're not a fucking animal. We were sitting here when you passed right by like you owned the beach, actually. Which was a surprise to Us, considering you don't and We chose this particular beach to avoid you… land-dwelling types."

He punctuates his disdain with a long sip from his cup. Well, you certainly aren't going to turn down free food! You know you should show restraint and try to impress your cool new friend with well-crafted table manners but honestly… you are not going to get this again on Alternia. So you don't hesitate, bitch.

You pile your tiny plate high with as many frilly confections as you can get your hands on. Then the drone replaces what you've taken with a fresh one, which you then grab. Then that gets replaced so you grab that one. You and the drone are in a stalemate of snack stealing. Drones don't have facial features or any actual emotions as far as you know but you get the feeling that this butler-drone is getting super annoyed with you. You don't care, so you grab another cupcake and stare it down.

Amante just watches. His expression isn't amused or fond or anything that would give you a read on if he found you annoying his butler charming. He's just. Watching. Man, you thought Mallek had intense eyes but this is another level. And… he hardly blinks. He is focused entirely on you and kinda wish that he wasn't cause you are absolutely going to stuff your face in a second.

You at least try to look decent as you begin to eat and. Yeah. Yeah, this is the good stuff.

You gear up to go to town when Amante leans his elbows on the table and rests his chin on his now-interlaced fingers. Wow. His claws are long. And pink. He's all about the pink aesthetic, isn't he?

"We have questions for you, alien. You will answer them for Us, won't you?"

He phrases it like a question but his tone makes it very clear that you don't actually have a choice in the matter. So you nod, prepping for whatever heinous interrogation he's about to throw your way.

"Excellent. You see, We actually have heard about you. Or at least, We have seen your Chittr profile floating around. We didn't think much of it at the time, assuming that you would be handled by some gutter blood wanting to have some power over another life or one of the land-dwelling 'highbloods' would actually do the job we keep them around for and cull you. They've failed in this very basic expectation We held for them."

"Why haven't you been dealt with properly? It's clear that you're being protected and We want to know why and by whom."

Oh wow, he's really upset that you're alive. You can feel his annoyance, see it in the clenching of his jaw and fluttering of his face-fins.

So many people have protected you in your time on Alternia, you wouldn't know where to start! And you also… don't feel super great about giving this classist asshole the names of all your friends. You get the feeling he wouldn't do anything nice for them with that information. This particular fish prince seems more like the stab-first kind of guy and not like he's going to give them a fruit basket for their assistance.

A lot of people have pitched in to make sure you stay alive. You couldn't really give names, the people on this planet have just been so accommodating!

"You're saying that the low bloods are accommodating."

Yeah, he's not buying it.

"Well, if you say that and you really mean it… That's just a shame. For the low bloods, We mean. Because if they've allowed an alien to run around on Alternia unchecked, even worse helped them when they should have alerted the drones or dealt with it themselves…"

His clawed hand rests adoringly on his trident.

"We should have to punish them for their treason, right? Starting with whoever owns that cerulean sign you're wearing."

And just like that, your appetite is gone. It's like someone replaced all the blood in your veins with ice water. Shit. Mallek. You've been wearing his hoodie for so long that it felt normal. You forgot it broadcasted the literal identity of its owner right on the front! And you've been wearing it in front of a royal fuchsia! Why do you always end up doing stupid shit like this you feel like you're going to cry.

All it would take is a snap of his webbed fingers and Mallek's whole block would be leveled by drones. You need to change the topic, fast. You don't want one of your best friends to die because you just tried to take a stroll on the beach of all things.

So you shift forward and ask him why you surviving this long has him so interested. Surely he has better things to do.

"There is plenty We need to do. Our time is very precious but you know what else is even more precious to Us? Our job. We make sure to keep order during Our time before We die to the Empress. So to hear that an alien has been surviving and thriving under Our watch? Not a good feeling."

But still, he has to have hobbies, right? Other than terrorizing every caste without gills and fins, you mean. Has he tried painting? Bone collecting? Scrapbooking?

He leans back into his hair and thinks to himself. The fact that he's thinking about it is a good sign! His mind is getting off of murder!

"We like fashion. We're a trendsetter. Every troll wants to get their sweaty fronds on the things We wear. Some brands are brave enough to ask Us to try on somefin they've designed. If We like it, We'll keep it. Maybe take a shellfie. Then whatever they gave Us will get sold out, and the owner will be happy, We have something We enjoy for the next few weeks before We throw it out. If We don't…"

He grins, wide and sharklike. All roads lead back to murder for this guy, Christ… But he made a fish pun! He's getting more comfortable and loosening up!

He has a great sense of fashion, you say. You haven't seen any troll dressed more expensively at all, his torn-up dress looks like it could be worth more than the hives you've seen. His chest puffs out a little more and you hear a proud… rumbling? Chittering? Is he purring from being complimented?

"We know. If there is one thing We want to do, it's look like the hottest bitch around. We love getting into fights, more than anyone else, but We know We must set a glittering example for those beneath Us. And everyone is beneath Us so We go the extra mile."

Amante leans forward again, his smile a lot less dangerous now. He picks up a delicate little cake between his claws and pops it into his mouth. He notices some cream on his fingertips and without missing a beat he licks it off and-- oh.

He has a gold tongue piercing.

Neat.

You desperately grab one of the cakes from your plate and shove it into your mouth for a distraction. How did you not notice that?

Then again this troll is covered in gold jewelry so maybe it didn't register until you had to notice it. You've seen the piercings trolls have, Mallek has some in places you wouldn't normally see them, like his chest. You probably shouldn't ask Amante if he has chest piercings but now your mind is swirling with all the other places this primadonna could have decorated himself with gold and wow you really need to get your mind out of this rabbit hole fast.

You slam your head on the table, just once. Amante flinches back, eyes wide behind his glasses. Shades?

"What the fuck was that? Are you okay?"

You assure him you're fine, you just needed to derail a dangerous train of thought. He's still looking at you warily.

"Is this the kind of thing you normally do? Is this an alien thing?"

No, this was just a you thing.

"Ah, so you're just a weird little bastard all the time then. You could have lied to Us, you know. It's not like We have any other aliens to use as a reference for whatever you do. If We were in your position We would be making up whatever nonsense We wanted and passing it off as the truth. That just seems funny to Us."

You quietly tuck that idea away into the back of your mind to use later to fuck with someone. Maybe Galekh. That could be funny.

You don't think he would like that, you tell him. You get the feeling that he prefers people just to say whatever they're thinking or doing plainly to his face without sneaking around. He seems like he prefers direct answers to his questions. He hums, actually seeming impressed.

"True. We've seen too many trolls spew bilge out of their squawk gapers these days. And you were smart not to lie to Us. You wouldn't have enjoyed the consequences of that."

Exactly! That's why it was just easier to actually answer his question. Also, you're surprised he would want to play those kinds of pranks on people? Doesn't really seem like his style.

He crosses his arms.

"We were talking about hobbies and stuff, yes? We like to have fun too, you know. Our moirail often plays jokes on Us, though we often struggle to get him back."

Oh! He has a moirail! You… well, you can already guess what kind of person he would have to be to get along with someone who enjoys murdering people who can't defend themselves against him. Still! He has a moirail! He's talking to you about his boyfriend!

You try super casually to ask for more details and he seems to clam up and flush fuchsia.

"That's!! Not really your business! All you need to know is that We get along well with him and you'll probably meet him at some point! If you live that long."

Ah, another threat. This one rolls off of your back like water. For as dangerous as he is and how willing he is to do harm to others you get the feeling you know how to handle him now. Well, in a controlled picnic by the beach setting at least but still, it's something!

You could almost call this side of him charming, with the anxious way he drummed his fingers on the table and refused to look at you. You got the feeling that for as much as he was able to absolutely terrify you and would more than likely do so in the future… there might be something redeemable in there!

Or maybe not. Probably not. He seems pretty set in his murdery way as long as he gets to stay on top.

He isn't the kind of troll you would… choose to be friends with if you weren't under the active threat of being killed by him and you can't introduce him to plenty of your other friends but at least you didn't die!

Good end! (?)

[h2bakugou]

『 𝗵𝟮𝗯𝗮𝗸𝘂𝗴𝗼𝘂 𝗮𝗳𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝗱𝗮𝗿𝗸 』 ✦  𝗮𝗴𝗲𝗱 𝘂𝗽 𝟭𝟴+ 𝗮𝘂 ; 𝗾𝘂𝗶𝗿𝗸𝗹𝗲𝘀𝘀 𝗮𝘂 ; 𝗠𝗜𝗡𝗢𝗥𝗦 𝗗𝗡𝗜

𝐈𝐕. 𝗯𝗮𝗸𝘂𝘀𝗾𝘂𝗮𝗱 ✦ 𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗱𝘀-𝗼𝗻 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴

𝗱𝗲𝘀𝗰𝗿𝗶𝗽𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 ; between you and izuku’s relationship, sex was always something to touch on later, both literally and figuratively. so when you go to your closest guy friends seeking advice on how to please your boyfriend, they give you much more of hands on lesson than you had expected.

𝗽𝗮𝗶𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴 ; katsuki bakugou, eijiro kirishima, denki kaminari, hanta sero x reader

𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 ; 18+, smut, swearing, porn with plot/little plot, cheating, dub-con, virgin!reader, virginity stealing, oral (male and female receiving), overstimulation, orgasm denial, thigh fucking, cum play, spit play, spanking, fingering, bukkake, orgy, split roasting, biting, mentions of porn, partial revenge sex, sub/dom dynamics, praise kink, degradation, masturbation, double penetration, recording

𝗮𝘂𝘁𝗵𝗼𝗿'𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗲 ; this came to me on a whim, i really needed to just get this out of my head. i’ve been in a weird headspace and this prompt just kinda came up and stuck with me. apologies for any spelling/writing errors, this piece was not proofread!!

𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗱𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁 ; 6.7k

✦  𝗻𝘀𝗳𝘄 𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗰𝘂𝘁 ✦

Wanting to be the perfect girlfriend for your ever so lovely boyfriend was becoming more of a challenge. Izuku was an angel, and heaven-sent. He was as sweet as he could be. And you loved him for all that he did for you.

Helping you study for your college classes, taking you on cute picnic dates to watch the sunset. 

You were lucky to have a guy like him. But having a perfect guy like him meant you could also lose him. And you didn’t want that at all.

The two of you had never dabbled much into sex and all of its activities. There was the time you’d grinded against his lap, or made out while he jerked off under you, but you’d never done anything with him, just like he’d never done anything with you.

You were both nervous, but you wanted your first time together to be something special. Something you could both cherish. You wanted it to be perfect for him. 

Since porn was the last place you wanted to take advice from, you swallowed your nerves and bit the bullet, asking your best group of guy friends if you could hang out at their flat for a bit.

And of course, in the group chat, you were all in together, they welcomed you over with open arms.

You settled on their couch instantly recognizing the neutral grey walls as your second home when you weren’t pacing around your own flat. 

“So what’s up girlie?” Kaminari asks, already laying his head in your lap like usual.

“I have a really big favor to ask you all.” You stare worryingly at the floor, just past Kaminari’s head.

“What is it? You know we’re here to help.” Kirishima chimes in, honestly expecting some bad news.

“Don’t tell me that shithead Deku’s causing problems.” Bakugou grunts from his spot beside you on the couch.

“No, no. It does have to deal with Deku, but er...” You pause, swallowing the lump of nerves in your throat before spitting it out.

“We keep having these sexual moments, and I just wanna please him but I don’t know where to start so I thought I would ask you guys what feels good for men.” You suddenly feel as if the world has caved in, your frame much smaller than anyone else’s in the room.

As if a lightbulb had flicked on simultaneously in the male’s heads, they all gathered around you.

“Well, I know for a start, I like it when they look at me when they blow me. Makes me feel in control.” Kaminari grins.

“Yeah it’s the only time you’re in control.” Sero jokes. Kaminari slaps the ravenette and rolls off of your lap, sitting up beside you.

“So you want to have sex with Izuku finally?” Kirishima asks. You nod sheepishly, still embarrassed to be so open about your sex life, or lack of one, with some of your best friends.

“Have you ever had sex before?” Bakugou asks bluntly. Your silence speaks volumes as the four men around you all seem to get the same idea yet again.

“We can give you some tips!” Kirishima’s words aren’t supposed to have a double meaning, but in a matter of seconds, Bakugou’s standing right in front of you, gazing down at you with lust-filled eyes.

“Take my belt off.” He speaks clearly.

“W-wait you guys are just supposed to teach me-”

“We are. Hands-on teaching seems to show the most progress does it not?” Kaminari butts in, his hands creeping up on your sides, dipping under your arms to undo the buttons on your blouse.

“We’re gonna help you understand what feels good for us! We can teach you better this way, so pay close attention.” Sero stood behind Bakugou, slinging his arm over Bakugou’s shoulder.

“If this is gonna help, I guess it won’t be too bad.” You mumble, your timid hands reaching for Bakugou’s belt.

“Look at me.” Bakugou’s voice ushers for your gaze. Your eyes travel up his clothed chest to his crimson eyes.

“Good girl.” Bakugou grinned, watching as your eyes widened.

“Bet stupid Deku doesn’t praise you.” Bakugou huffs. Your hands eventually undo his belt and now you stare at his abdomen. Bakugou tugs his shirt off over his head, revealing his toned chest. 

You’re in awe.

“Izuku doesn’t look like that.” You think out loud, figuratively drooling over your best friend. Bakugou feels a strong sense of pride as he glances at Kaminari, who’s finally able to tug your shirt off and reveal those pretty tits he’s beat his dick to at night.

Photos of you in swimsuits, or teasing clips you’d posted to your instagram stories late at night in a bra or some sort of revealing top while you hung out with your girlfriends, Denki kept them all in a hidden folder and let out embarrassing moans when his hand jerked his cock at them.

“So pretty.” Kaminari mumbles, biting your shoulder as he unclamps your bra, finally seeing them in person, unobscured.

“Deku’s so fucking lucky.” Kaminari hisses, grabbing them roughly, kneading them in his hands harshly.

You whine, whether in pain or pleasure is unsure, the feeling of Kaminari’s hands kneading your tits like their just dough is making your cunt throb. And it suddenly feels so much hotter in the room when your eyes widen at the size of Kaminari’s bulge as you glance over at him.

“Does he touch you like this?” Kaminari whispers, his fingers twisting your nipples, tugging them between his thumb and forefinger as the rest of his hand continues to cup and massage your breasts.

“N-No. He’s never touched me.” You whine, your head hanging on your shoulders, embarrassed to be so turned on by this. This was wrong-

“Get my cock out. It’s time for you to learn how to suck someone off.” Bakugou places his hand on the back of your head and yanks your hair back, forcing you to look at him.

“Go on, or you won’t like when I do it myself. I’ll use your throat like a fleshlight.” Bakugou’s voice drops, watching as your hands find their way back to his pants.

“How come he gets to get blown first?” Kirishima mumbled to Sero, the pair gradually undoing their own pants, slowly palming over their clothed erections.

“Because I hate Deku the most.” Bakugou grunts.

“Oh fuck.” You curse, staring at Bakugou’s cock in awe. 

“I’ve never seen one in person before...” You babble, completely shocked by the pure length and girth of the cock that’s twitching in front of you. Bright pink cockhead, with a prominent vein on the underside, he’s fucking huge. And for a second you wonder if you can even open your mouth wide enough to take even the head of him in your mouth.

But you get your answer soon enough.

“So innocent.” Sero’s ashamedly turned on by your innocence. The way you stared at Bakugou’s cock like it was the only thing in the room was enough to make him excited. He wanted to steal every moment from you. He wanted to ruin you.

“Open your mouth. Tongue out.” Bakugou instructs. You do as you say and you can see Bakugou visibly tense. His shoulders relax as he grips the base of his cock and slaps the head of it on your tongue.

“Rule number one. No teeth. Ever.” Bakugou makes this rule very evident as he taps his dick against your tongue.

“If it’s too much, tap me three times.” Bakugou says in a slightly gentler tone, almost as if he knew you were going to need to tap out. 

“Well, it’s not gonna suck itself.” Bakugou huffs, smirking down at you. You try to think straight but nothing’s working. You search in the dirtiest parts of your brain, trying to remember all the magazines you’d seen telling you how to suck a guy to make him cum, but as you took Bakugou’s cock into your mouth, just past the tip, your jaw was already starting to ache.

Kaminari’s hands had traveled down to your shorts, teasing your bare skin as he slid his fingers under the waistband of your panties.

“Holy fuck.” Bakugou murmured, glancing back at Kirishima and Sero, who had now whipped their cocks out, stroking them while their pants sat pooled around their ankles.

“Is she good?” Sero asks, glancing over Bakugou to look down at you. You were clearly struggling, your hands resting in your lap awkwardly, not sure of where or what to do with them.

“Here, get on your knees down here.” Bakugou pulls his cock from your past your lips with a small ‘pop’ sound, his strong arms tugging you down off the couch, leaving Kaminari alone up there.

He quickly hops down too, sitting down behind you, taking the chance to play with your tits some more, biting and kissing your neck and shoulder.

Sero and Kirishima stand on opposite sides, now trapping you between all four males, one on each side of you.

You gaze at Sero’s cock. It was long, and lean, a significant curve set his apart from Bakugou’s. It was a bit thinner but still looked like it could do some serious damage.

Kirishima, on the other hand, seemed to outweigh them both. His cock was fat and hung along with the biggest balls you’ve ever seen-note you’ve seen three pairs so far.

It was thick, long, and veiny. And you were scared. If you could barely fit Bakugou’s in your mouth, you knew for a fact his wouldn’t fit at all.

“Such a needy little thing, aren’t ‘cha?” Kirishima teased as your hands daintily reached up to stroke Sero and Kirishima’s cocks. Something you’d seen in a porno once, where a girl was in a position similar to yours.

“Where’d you learn that one?” Kaminari teases, licking your shoulder.

“P-porn.” You stutter out.

“Oh.” Sero laughs.

“What a dirty girl you are.” Kirishima’s hips thrust forward, allowing your hand to complete the first stroke from the tip to the base.

You lean forward and take Bakugou’s cock back into your mouth, staring up at him as he grunts. His hands find their way to your hair, forcing you to take his length.

So much for going in slow and easy.

You’re sure you see the heavens for a moment. Your vision blurs with tears as Bakugou’s cock hits the back of your throat. Your hands stop moving on Sero and Kirishima’s cocks as you take a moment to adjust.

You mewl, your voice reverberating against Bakugou’s cock, the vibrations sending chills down his spine. He takes control, using your mouth as his own personal fucktoy.

And you were completely helpless. Besides the tears on your lashes and the ache in your jaw, your hands returned to jerking off the men beside you, your eyes still set on staring up at Bakugou as he smirked pridefully at you.

And then you felt it. Kaminari’s hands had slid down into your panties, his fingers just barely ghosted over your clit before you forced yourself down to the base of Bakugou’s cock, your hips jerking from the sensation alone.

“Woah there.” Kaminari pulled his hands out, giggling.

“Someone’s never felt that before.” He teases. You tap Bakugou’s leg three times and he pulls out, almost disappointed.

“Are you alright?” 

“Does it feel good to be touched down there?” You ask your hands reaching to remove your shorts.

“I think you’re talking to the wrong crowd for that.” Kirishima jokes. 

“Dumbass. Of course, it feels good. Don’t tell me you’ve never-”

“No! No! I’ve tried I could just never, make myself...” 

“Oh my god.” Kirishima and Sero give each other an almost pitiful stare.

“And Deku’s never pushed sex so I always thought something was wrong with me. What if I can’t cum? How can I please him if I can’t-”

“Hey. Why don’t we help you out? Clearly touching you there evoked some sort of reaction, why don’t you relax and let me see if I can work something out of you.” Kaminari offers, rubbing your sides. You nod shyly. 

Spreading your legs similarly, your movements are slow and timid as if you're scared to make a wrong move. Kaminari glances up to the others as they quickly picked up, Bakugou kneeling down to help remove your shorts and panties, which had a small damp spot, one Bakugou didn’t miss.

“You’re already soaking your panties. You’re enjoying this.” Bakugou retorted, staring in awe of your glistening cunt, one his childhood best friend had claimed before him.

It ate away at Bakugou daily. Seeing the two of you walk to classes together, or whenever you’d post snaps of you laying on his chest after he fell asleep during a movie night.

Or the way he’d call you baby in front of all your friends. It pissed Bakugou off. He was in love with you.

But oh was Bakugou going to take this chance by its reigns. He was going to show you exactly what you were missing being with that stupid nerd.

And even more so. Bakugou was going to take your virginity away from you, and away from the guy who you clearly thought was going to.

“Damn Deku really is lucky.” Sero whispered, his eyes locked tight onto your dripping cunt. It was beautiful. Sero had his fair share of one-night stands, and hookups, but he’d never seen one that looked like yours. God, it was captivating. He wanted to feel your tight, plush walls hugging his cock as he fucked into you from behind.

And then there was Kirishima, who stared in awe as well. His eyes wandered your naked body and wondered if you were truly the same girl going out with Deku. 

Part of you being in a standing relationship was so enticing. Kirishima was nothing short of respectful, but wanting to destroy any sort of expectations you had for your first time with Deku sent his brain and cock into overdrive.

And there you were, legs sprawled out, cunt dripping your essence onto the soft carpeted floors, your back pressed into Denki's chest as his fingers reached down and spread your pussy apart.

Squeezing your eyes shut, you felt like you were going to implode. Your senses were heightened, and the slightest touch between your thighs made you squirm. Denki chuckled as the other males salivated over you, picking their jaws off the floor was the next step.

"Go on, why don't you find her clit." Bakugou crossed his arms over his chest with an evil grin.

"Oh shut the fuck up." Kaminari's fingers moved from the lips of your cunt to the hardened bud, and with one tiny little touch, you let out an embarrassing whine. Denki grinned as he moved his fingers in a slow circular motion over your clit, watching how you quickly clamped your legs together.

"Awe no, let them see just how good I am with my fingers." Kaminari cooed in your ear, using one hand to pry your legs back open, Sero bending down and grabbing the other, forcing them apart. You whined in pleasure as his fingers worked wonders against your clit, your back arching against his chest. 

"Denki!" You cried out, feeling something building up inside of you. Kaminari grinned but Bakugou wasn't having it.

"Oi, enough. I wanna cum down her throat." Bakugou grunted, yanking you up to your feet from your forearm.

"Sit on his face and suck my cock, slut." Bakugou spat, your eyes widening. You nodded, glancing back at Kaminari who was already moving for you to do so. You were nervous, feeling awful for sitting on his face, but you didn't regret a thing when you felt Kaminari's tongue swipe through your folds. 

The cold steel of his tongue piercing made you shiver as his tongue flicked across your clit making you whine. 

"'m ready." You choked out, glancing at Bakugou.

"Us first." Sero stepped in, gripping the base of his cock, tapping it against your lips, similarly to how Bakugou had done. Kirishima stepped up and nudged his cockhead against Sero's, the two unphased by it.

"I-I can't take both-"

"So take turns." Bakugou said bluntly. You glanced up at Sero and Kirishima, worryingly trying to take Kirishima's cock into your mouth first. You made it just barely past the tip of his fat cock, before you realized your attempt was futile. You brought a hand up to help, stroking the base of his cock while your mouth worked past the tip. Your free hand returned to jerk Sero off, your ego racing as you heard his own grunts of pleasure.

"She's a quick learner." Kirishima grins, his hand resting on your head as he guides you gently to take more of his cock into your mouth. Kirishima is saddened when you stop and switch to try and do the same for Sero.

Halfway through the transition, Kaminari's tongue prods through your entrance, making you stop. Your shoulders tense up and you freeze, quickly hunching over, grinding your cunt against Kaminari's mouth, the tips of his nose brushing against your clit.

"Fuck!" You cry, feeling yourself lose control. Your mind turns white for a moment, and all the pleasure begins to hurt as you want to leap off of Kaminari's tongue. But his strong arms wrapped around your thighs holding you in place stop you from doing so.

"It-it hurts! Please." You pant, your lips parted as you mewl against his face.

"He fucking did it. He made her cum." Sero groaned. Your head shot up, staring at the ravenette.

"T-that was-"

"A female orgasm? Yeah. Felt weird and tingly, and when he kept going it hurt. Fun huh." Sero grins. 

"Dude, let her explain it." Kirishima sighs. 

"It felt good. Really good. I've never felt anything like that before." You go to continue your job of blowing Sero, but he stops you. 

"Let's take this to Bakugou's room." Sero smirks. 

You're on your feet in a matter of seconds until the boys toss you onto Bakugou's cozy bed, the one you've crashed on multiple times while he was away or while he slept on the couch.

This time, Sero was quick to take control of the situation, ushering you to the edge of the bed where your head hung off. Sero smiled down at you, tapping his cock against your lips again as you eventually opened it for him. Before sliding it in, Sero leaned down and spit into your mouth, cutting any possible complaints off by shoving his cock down your throat.

"Fuck." Sero dragged out, watching as Kirishima took the opportunity to plant himself between your thighs, his tongue diving into your cunt. Your moans were silenced by Sero's cock as he fucked your throat raw. Kaminari was the only one who hadn't been inside your throat. But he was doing just fine, teasing himself with his hand, forcing himself to stop every time he felt like cumming at the sight of you being used by his friends.

"She tastes so good. Want more." Kirishima muttered against your cunt, using one hand to spread you open as his tongue wrecked your clit, his other hand dipped a single finger inside your tight entrance.

"She's so fucking tight." Kirishima commented, rubbing his middle finger along your folds, his knuckle just barely grazing the fleshy walls of your hole.

"I bet." Bakugou muttered.

"Can I fuck her thighs?" Kaminari asked, eyes bright with excitement. It was something he'd dreamt about doing. Feeling your plush thighs squeeze his cock, all while gripping handfuls of your tits, cumming on your tummy. It was a thought he could get off to over and over again.

"Shit. Gonna cum!" Sero groaned, sliding his cock past your lips once more, his cock twitching as he shot his hot load down your throat.

The next few seconds were fuzzy. Sero pulled out and shot up, cum leaking from past your lips. You couldn't swallow it. Shamefully spitting up, feeling horrible, it dropped onto your stomach and began to leak and make a mess.

"Awe, poor thing. Never had anyone cum in your pretty mouth before huh?" Sero patted your head, tilting it back so you could look up at him. Your lips were glossy and glistening with spit and cum, but your eyes were watery.

"Sorry! I-"

"Don't apologize. I should've just cum all over this pretty face instead." He smirked, leaning down, pressing a rough kiss to your lips. Kirishima decides to add another finger, and you're gone, moaning into Sero's mouth, hands gripping the sheets with enough force to turn your knuckles white.

Your thighs clamp over Kirishima's ears, and you find yourself grinding against his tongue and fingers, back arching off of the mattress. Bakugou just stands in awe, whipping out his phone to record the whole scene.

"Alright let Kaminari have his fuckin' turn." Bakugou groans, tugging Kirishima away, watching how your legs twitch as you cum for the second time. You're so sensitive and you don't know why. For the first time, after Sero pulls away, you see Kaminari's cock.

It's a little larger than average. It's pretty and slightly fatter at the head than at the base, and much like Sero's, as a pretty curve in it. Kaminari is eager to sandwich his cock between your thighs, watching how he smiles as he leans down to paw at your tits.

Just as he slides through your thighs, you feel the friction of his cock glide against your cunt, and suddenly you're awakened to yet another new feeling. Your back falls flat against the mattress again, your eyes floating back up to Sero who hovers over you. You go to reach for his cock but he shakes his head and yanks Kirishima over to his spot.

"Be a good girl for Kirishima, he likes to fuck pretty little mouths like yours." Sero grins evilly. You stare at the monster cock above your lips and you hesitate. How does he fucking live with a cock like this? Your cunt throbs just looking at it. You can imagine it buried in your cunt, your legs shaking as you cum over and over again on it.

Kaminari panted as moaned as his cock fucked your thighs, his hands still kneading your tits as Kirishima forced his cock down your throat, this time much slower than Bakugou or Sero had done. Your jaw ached in a much more intense pain. But you squeezed your eyes shut, ignoring it.

"That's it, take my fucking cock down your throat like the stupid little fucktoy you are." Kirishima degraded you. You let your hand travel down between your legs, forcing it to your cunt while not disrupting Kaminari's pleasure.

"Aw look, she wants to cum again." Kaminari quickly snatches your frisky hand back up, slowing his ministrations and slowing the friction of his cock grinding against your cunt.

Kaminari and the rest of the men hear your failed attempt at a whine as you struggle with Kirishima's cock in your mouth. Kaminari's hips move slowly and smoothly, humping your thighs like a needy pup.

Pining your hands to the mattress as he grinds his cock between your thighs, Kaminari lets out a huff before pulling himself away from you.

Kaminari groans and slinks over to Bakugou, whispering something in his ear which only elicits a smirk on his lips. Bakugou passes the word onto Sero who passes it onto Kirishima like a game of telephone.

Suddenly Kirishima's drawing his cock from your mouth and Bakugou's tugging you up.

"Get on your knees." Bakugou instructs, forcing your face down into the mattress, hiking your ass up into the air. Bakugou's palm comes down against your ass, the sound echoing in the full room. You whine into the sheets as he does it again, this time letting his hands grip your cheeks, spreading you apart.

"God, you're fucking dripping." Bakugou's not worried about the mess you've made smearing Sero's cum over his sheets, he'll have to wash them after what's going to happen.

Bakugou leans down into his mattress, tasting you for the first time. You clench the sheets between your hands, mewling in pleasure as his tongue flicks across your clit and scoops up your juices, most of it dribbling down his chin. He's eating you out like he'd been starved. You're cumming in a matter of seconds as he continues.

"'s too much! Please!" You cry out, your cunt aching in overstimulation. Kaminari had denied you once, and it didn't take much for the need to cum to overtake you.

"Gonna have to fuckin' punish you for that. Did I say you could cum, bitch?" Bakugou pulls away, spanking you once more.

"N-no!" You cry.

"'m sorry!" You apologize, hoping your efforts would spare you humiliation. But oh how wrong you were.

A searing pain rips through you as Bakugou's cock pushes past your entrance. Your eyes squeeze shut and your mouth hangs open, a small cry ripping through your throat.

"It hurts!" You cry. Suddenly, the searing pain stops. Bakugou has pulled out, sighing as he moves onto the bed, waving for the guys to join.

Bakugou guides you down onto his cock, however, this time it's more like sitting on his lap. He's propped against his headboard, and you ease down as best as you can. It hurts, but Kirishima and Sero coddle you, kissing on your neck and chest, leaving Kaminari to suck on your nipples, flicking his tongue across your the hardened buds.

Bakugou bottoms out inside of you and all you can feel is the stretch. It hurts, more than anything you've ever felt. It's overwhelming and you can't think at all. Bakugou doesn't move. He rests inside you until you give a weary moan.

"Better?" He asks softly.

"Y-yeah." Your arms sling over the shoulders of the redhead and ravenette attacking your shoulders and neck with kisses and bites.

Bakugou's hands rest on your hips and help you up and down as you begin to bounce on his cock, the tip nudging against a spongey spot inside you, forcing moans to spew from you like a shook-up soda.

"Her moans are so fuckin' dirty." Kirishima speaks against your skin, sinking a hand down to your cunt, his fingers beginning to work at your clit, making you spew even lewder sounds as your moans turn to mewls and cries of pleasure.

"Who knew she could moan like that?" Kaminari laughed, palming at your breasts. You feel embarrassed, letting these men rip you to shreds while trying to learn.

It then dawns on you how you'd ended up in this predicament in the first place. You came here willing to learn, hoping to bring back something to help Izuku, but you'd completely blanked. You couldn't really remember anything they'd taught you, or if they'd taught you anything at all. Once you sucked Bakugou's cock, it'd all happened so fast.

Sitting on Denki's face, stuffing your face full of Kirishima and Sero's cock, cumming on Bakugou's tongue while being face down on his bed. It was all a strange feeling.

And now as your mind began to turn blank, vision clouding from pleasure, you realized you were fixing to cum again, this time from Bakugou's cock. All your pain had melted away-though a dull ache still remained in your abdomen, and turned to pleasure. You were cumming.

You. Were cumming.

Bakugou had taken your virginity.

And Bakugou had come to the same conclusion. As your cunt squeezed and pulsed against his aching cock, so desperately wanting to spill his load inside you and see you plump with his kid, claiming you for his own, stealing you away from that stupid fucking nerd you were with, he realized he had been the one in the end to claim you, and your virginity.

It was a sick and twisted sense of pride, to really think he had any say-so over your body. But there was something so devilishly hot to say that he'd been your first.

"Bakugou!" You cried out, your nails digging into the skin of Kirishima and Sero. Bakugou's cock continued to thrust into you.

"Yeah take my fuckin' cock. Take it you fuckin' whore. Gonna fuck you until you're braindead." Bakugou muttered, reaching a hand up to grip your throat, forcing your back against his chest.

"I wanna see you full of Kirishima's cock. Think you could take it? He'd rip you apart." Bakugou grinned, setting his friend up next. You shook your head against his hand on your throat.

"It's too big!" You cried, hoping that he'd listen to you. But he didn't. Instead, you found yourself back on the mattress, this time on your hands and knees. Weakly you kept yourself upright as Kirishima positioned at your entrance,

"Gonna use you like the little cocksleeve you are." Kirishima chuckles, watching as you squirm as the tip grazes your tight hole. Your cunt is dripping, every little touch seems to make you whine, and you can't tell if you've peed yourself or if you're just that wet. You think the former would be less embarrassing, but you decide to just stop thinking about it, and instead, you thank your body for all the natural lubrication it's making for Kirishima's cock.

Kaminari takes your mouth, sliding his cock inside and finally getting to feel what everyone else had. You can't speak, you can barely make any sounds with how raw they've fucked your throat. And you're painfully aware that they hadn't even bothered to slap on a condom. Not that you'd minded, they'd shown you time and time again that they were clean, and you were happy they'd taken the steps to have safe sex with any partner they had.

Kirishima's fingers leave bruises on your hips, gripping you with force. He sheathes himself inside you and you swear you feel yourself ripping in half.

It's so much, all at one time.

"Holy shit she fucking took you all." Bakugou says shocked, almost as if that was something to be proud of.

"He sent a chick to the ER. That phone call was awful." Sero teases the redhead for one of his mishaps.

"I didn't purposely hurt her! I was just trying to have fun, didn't think my cock was capable of tearing her fuckin' vagina." Kirishima feels a bit awkward talking about a terrible sex story while he's plowing into you, especially since you're too cockdrunk to even realize what's happening.

"Would you two shut up?" Kaminari's grabbing a fistful of your hair as he tilts your head back, sliding his cock down your throat, smiling down at you.

"You're doing such a good job. So fuckin' cute swallowing my cock like that." Kaminari praises. His praises make you feel warm and fuzzy, and you think for a moment, this is what it's like to be loved. But then images of Deku cross your mind. And your gaze drops, and you feel ashamed. You feel dirty.

You repeat to yourself that this is just a learning experience and nothing more. You'd never do this because you weren't satisfied in your relationship. No. You were doing this for Deku. You wanted to show him you knew what you were doing. You wanted to show him he could fuck your throat and make you cum with his tongue.

Kirishima grunted, his cock stretching even further, reminding you of the pain Bakugou had put you through the first time he'd entered you. It burned, but it became tolerable after a while.

"Shit, she's so fuckin' tight. Wanna cum inside." Kirishima groans. Your ears perk up at his words. You want to tell him no, but you can't. You don't. He pulls out before he gets the chance to and you're relieved.

"Sero, your turn." Kirishima trades places with Sero who was stroking his cock watching you get dicked down on both ends. Sero's cock takes you down an undiscovered path.

It seems every time he slides into you, his cock nudges against that spot inside you, making you cry in pleasure as Kaminari swaps places with Bakugou, his cock rammed down your throat once more.

Things become blurry, and all you remember is cumming again and again. When Sero nears his climax, he swaps places with Kaminari and Kirishima takes his chance to fuck your throat.

Kaminari's pace is different from Kirishima, Sero, and Bakugou's. He has no restraint. He fucks you fast, and hard, sending your body forward with each heavy thrust. He might be a bit smaller compared to the males, but he surely makes up for it.

"Out of everyone here, Kaminari has the most experience." Sero chimes in, patting his shoulder while he huffs, pounding into you until you're cumming around his cock, your milky white juices leaking out everywhere.

"She's making such a mess. How pitiful. So how fucked out are you, gorgeous?" Sero asks, watching as Kirishima pulls his cock out from your mouth, drool and saliva dripping past your lips as you choke out a moan.

"Feels-s so good." You babble, your head hangs on your shoulder as you bury it into the mattress, moaning as Kaminari fucks you into yet another orgasm. His stamina is incredible considering you thought he was still new to sex. Sorry Kami.

"She's fuckin' out of it jesus christ." Bakugou mumbles, pulling Kaminari out from between your cunt. Bakugou flips you onto your back and stares at you in amazement. Your legs are shaking and you're still making noise, whining about how you want more and how empty you feel.

"Please, fill me up." You whine, staring at the boys.

"With a face like that, how could we resist?" Kirishima grins, slapping Sero on the ass. Sero rolls his eyes and joins you on the bed.

"Think you can take two at once gorgeous?" Sero coos, laying down beside you, ushering you to lay on top of him. Your mouth drops open as you lower yourself onto him and lay back, watching as Bakugou saunters around to the front. He grins as he lines his cock up at your entrance, just barely pushing his tip inside.

"Kirishima stretched her out good for us to use her like the little whore she is. God, she's so fucking good at this I almost don't wanna give her back." Sero whines against your back, kissing your bare skin as Kaminari watches in amazement as Bakugou sinks his cockhead inside your already full cunt.

"So full. Want your cocks inside me." You manage to blurt out as Bakugou grips your thighs, shoving his cock into your stuffed pussy. It wouldn't fit all the way, but it threw you over the edge.

"Maybe she needs that filthy mouth of hers full of cock again." Kirishima's hand strokes his cock, eyeing Kaminari. Kaminari eagerly hops onto the bed, his knees hitting against Sero's arm as he taps his cock on your lips.

"Come on angel, wrap those pretty lips around my dick." Kaminari smiles, watching as your mouth lolled open. Sero's arms wrapped around your tummy, holding you against him as he fucked up into you, his cock rubbing against Bakugou's inside of you, both cocks rubbing against your walls, making you feel insanely good.

Kirishima was not going to let this moment go to waste. Snatching Bakugou's phone, he began to record, calling you a slut for them.

"Look at this cockdrunk whore. Stuffed full of three fuckin' cocks." Kirishima laughed, holding the phone near your pussy, making sure to record how Bakugou and Sero abused your cunt.

"What would Deku do if he got this nasty little clip huh? Bet he'd call you a slut. Watching his friends fuck your little virgin cunt until you're braindead." Kirishima grinned as he moved and set the phone up to continue recording for the rest of the session.

"Wanna fuckin' fill you up." Bakugou grunted.

"Teach that nerd a fuckin' lesson about how to fuck a woman." He continued.

"She's making such a mess, look at that pretty pussy. So sloppy." Kaminari moaned as your tongue swirled around the head of his cock, trying your best to take him into your mouth. The angle was a bit awkward but you managed, eventually pulling him into your mouth.

"God let's hurry this up, I can't take much more of her cunt squeezing me." Sero huffed into your back. He was going to cum again if he kept going. He wanted to fill you up like everyone else did, but he wanted to see his cum all over your pretty face.

Bakugou pulled out first leaving Sero alone inside you. You let out a strangled moan as Bakugou tapped his cock against your sensitive clit, your cries no longer silenced by Kaminari's cock since he too had pulled his cock from your mouth.

"Get down on the floor, on your knees." Bakugou instructed. Hazily you lifted yourself from Sero's cock, slightly amused by the moan he let out as he slid out of you. You stumbled onto the floor, sitting patiently on your knees as they gathered around you, this time smushing themselves to all have a view of you in the front.

"Can't wait to see you covered in cum." Kaminari spoiled the surprise, his hand jerking his cock. You stared up at Bakugou. Leaning in you licked the tip of his cock, watching as his eyes rolled back. You took turns swapping between the males until they were all helping you out, stroking their cocks at fast paces until Bakugou came.

Hot ropes of cum stuck to your face and chest as Kaminari came second, Sero third, and Kirishima fourth. It dribbled down your chin as you stared up at them, each of them smiling proudly at you.

"So fuckin' slutty. Look at her, so fucked out." Sero said breathily. They all rushed to grab their phones, snapping pictures of you covered in their cum. You just sat quietly, staring up at them as your chest heaved, your cunt throbbing.

"So what'd you learn?" Bakugou leans down, a handful of your hair holding your head back so he could look into your eyes.

"I-I like being stuffed full of cock." You babbled. Your cheeks were stained with his cum.

"Whose cock?" Bakugou's eyes narrowed.

"Yours." You parted your lips, still miraculously trying to catch your breath.

"Good girl." Bakugou praised. The other boys gathered around you, leaning down with towels to help clean you up.

It took about fifteen minutes to clean you up entirely, but afterward, they helped dress you and treated you to some dinner. You were nothing but smiles the entire time.

Before you left their apartment, Bakugou pulled you aside.

"Record your time with Deku so we can give you another lesson." He whispered into your ear, an evil smirk on his lips. You pulled away from him shyly, nodding.

"Thank you for teaching me." You thanked the men as you walked toward the door, an obvious limp in your step.

"Do you need a ride home angel?" Sero asks, ready to hop in his car and drive you over to your shared apartment with Deku.

"I think I'll be okay. I drove here anyway." You giggle. Sero smiles and glances at the others. Visions of your face covered in cum plague Sero's thoughts and he wants to slam you against the front door and fuck you all over again.

The same image is running through everyone's head as they stare at you as you leave, wanting you to stay. But it's too late when the door shuts and they're left alone as if nothing had happened.

"What happened doesn't leave this fuckin' apartment." Bakugou states, trudging off down to his room to put his freshly washed sheets on the bed.

When you arrive home, Deku's happy to see you. He doesn't question where you'd been, he knew you were with the boys hanging out. He smiles when you kiss him, and he's nothing but unaware of what had gone down.

He doesn't know about the cocks that had been stuffed inside your cunt, or a spot or two of dried cum that the towel might've missed that you'll clean up in the shower soon. He doesn't know about how dirty your mouth got and how it was filled with his friend's cocks only hours earlier.

He cuddles you sincerely until your hand begins to wander, palming him through his boxers.

"I'm ready." You smile sweetly, ready to put all that you had learned to the test.

✦ 𝗺𝗮𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁 ✦

[honeypiehotchner]

Aaron Hotchner || MASTERLIST

BACK TO CRIMINAL MINDS MASTERLIST || BACK TO MAIN MASTERLIST

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key:

** = the fic contains smut! 18+ only please

✔️ = the fic is completed!

❤️‍🔥 = angst

🍄 = fluff

✨ = a personal fav of mine

🌈 = Autistic!Reader

Fics

The Gambit** ❤️‍🔥✨

Hotch x Fem!BAU Agent!Reader; in progress

Summary: Ten years after you first met Aaron Hotchner, you're placed on his team at the BAU. Ten years apart isn't nearly long enough to cool the hatred that began when you first met. In fact, it seems to have only gotten worse -- and the feeling is mutual.

General themes/warnings: enemies to lovers (these two HATE each other y'all), typical level of violence and cases for the show, depictions of panic attacks, eventual smut

intelligence & issues** ✔️ ✨

Hotch x BAU Agent!Fem!Reader; Completed

Summary: You’ve been working for the BAU for almost a year now. You know how you feel about your supervisor, but you also know it’s a lost cause. When the next case the BAU is assigned takes the team to your hometown, will it bring the two of you closer, or rip you apart for good?

General themes/warnings: age gap (14 years), slight BDSM & Dom/sub undertones, eventual smut, SLOW BURN, lots of angst, soft!Hotch at times, sexual assault/rape cases, PTSD

Devil’s Backbone** ✔️❤️‍🔥

Unsub!Hotch x Fem!BAU!Reader

Summary: Foyet murdered Haley and Jack. Hotch took Foyet’s life. He thought that would be enough. But it wasn’t. He needed more.

General themes/warnings: angst galore, major character death, very unkind Hotch (he is the unsub, after all), just basically don’t read unless you want to be hurt (I’m serious)

Unconventional** (formerly FSOAH)

Hotch x Fem!Reader AU; Officially discontinued, sorry lovelies!

Summary: You’re in your last semester of college and your senior project consists of a novel written in a genre you haven’t yet explored. Romance. There’s one small problem, though. You’ve never experienced romance before and the thought of true love kind of makes you want to gag. It’s partly because of your own issues, and partly because, well, guys your age just don’t do it for you. So what happens when you stumble into a meeting with an older guy who is willing to show you the ropes of romance, with no strings attached?

General themes/warnings: age gap (20ish years), BDSM, Dom/sub relationship, Daddy/Sir kink, somewhat of a sugar daddy relationship, smut is basically a plot point guys, minors DNI

Bye Bye, Baby // Don’t You (part two) // That’s When (part three) ❤️‍🔥🍄✔️

Hotch x Fem!Reader; Completed!

Summary: Hotch broke up with you and you run into each other four years later, only now you have a daughter who looks just like him.

Warnings: songfics, angst, mentions of pregnancy, mentions of puking, happy ending :))

One-shots

From oldest to newest

delicate 🍄

Hotch x Fem!Reader

Summary: Hotch doesn’t go to bars. Until he meets you at one.

General themes/warnings: age gap (give or take 20 years), songfic, tooth-rotting fluff, one scene of sexual harassment (but not graphic)

no body, no crime // part two** // vigilante shit (part three)**✨

Hotch x Fem!Reader

Summary: You’re the unsub and Hotch knows it, but he just can’t prove it. (Based on the song by Taylor Swift!)

General themes/warnings: songfic, not fluff but also not angst?, sensual in places, lots of smut in part 2 + 3!! 18+ only

winter love (all i want for christmas is you) ❤️‍🔥🍄🎄

Hotch x high school best friend!Fem!Reader

Summary: You and Hotch were best friends in high school, until he met Haley, and then graduated, leaving you all alone to finish high school and deal with the loss of your first love. Years later, you return home to Virginia to find Hotch is still around, and the two of you run into one another at your old coffee shop.

General themes/warnings: Christmas themed! Some angst, mutual pining, Hotch and Haley are divorced and Jack was never born (and it’s ~10k words you’re welcome)

satan’s waterfall** 🍄

Hotch x Fem!Reader

Summary: Period sex with Hotch...that’s it, that’s the fic.

General themes/warnings: shower sex, period sex, Daddy kink, “good girl”, slight size kink, y’all are newly married (but that’s not a big plot point bc it’s basically pwp)

down to earth ❤️‍🔥🍄

this was requested!

Hotch x GN!Reader (but he does call reader “Honey”)

Summary: You and Hotch are in the middle of a (stupid) argument when you flinch, raising your arms to block him, because you thought he was going to hit you.

General themes/warnings: angst, fluff, depiction of PTSD, mentions of past abuse

good girl**✨

Hotch x Fem!Reader

Summary: You teased Hotch and his response was to fuck your face.

General themes/warnings: smut, facefucking, 18+ minors DNI, mentions of denial, mentions of spanking, Daddy kink, “good girl” “little one”

version of you ❤️‍🔥 🍄✨

Hotch x Fem!Reader

Summary: Hotch helps you find the courage to end your abusive relationship for good.

General themes/warnings: depiction of an abusive relationship, domestic violence, angst, happy ending

sleepy** 🍄✨

Hotch x Fem!Reader

Summary: Sleepy sex with Aaron. That’s it. That’s the fic.

General themes/warnings: fluffy smut (obvi), cockwarming (while falling asleep)

you’re still a traitor ❤️‍🔥

Hotch x Fem!Reader

Summary: Hotch didn’t cheat, but he betrayed you. (Based on “traitor” by Olivia Rodrigo)

Warnings: all angst, mentions of sex, mentions of excessive drinking, no happy ending (and no part 2 soz)

i’m hardwired differently 🍄✨🌈

Hotch x Autistic!Fem!Reader

Summary: Sometimes your self-doubt gets the best of you, but Aaron is always there to hold you.

Warnings: small meltdown, anxious thoughts, established relationship

painfully professional ❤️‍🔥🍄

Hotch x Fem!Reader

Summary: You’re a new agent at the BAU and everyone has warmed up to you except your boss. It’s tearing you apart, but you don’t know why.

Warnings: angst beginning, fluffy ending, mentions of being stood up on a date

i’ve been leaving you for months now ❤️‍🔥

Hotch x Fem!Reader

Summary: Your relationship with Aaron is the best you’ve ever had. And equally as painful. Which is what made it so hard to leave. (Songfic)

Warnings: all angst, like no fluff (unless you absolutely fuckin SQUINT)

leave your lover ❤️‍🔥

Hotch x Fem!Reader

Summary: You and Hotch should leave your lovers and be with one another. But he’ll never leave Haley.

Warnings: all angst, some fluff, no happy ending, mentions of nsfw things but nothing explicit, basically an affair (but not really?? depends on your own morals ig)

hard-headed 🍄

Hotch x Fem!BAU!Reader

Summary: Hotch is hard-headed. But so are you.

Warnings: none! all fluff <3

halley’s comet 🍄

Hotch x Babysitter!Fem!Reader

Summary: You’ve babysat Jack Hotchner for years, and slowly fallen in love with his dad (on accident).

Warnings: mostly fluff, some angst, very happy ending :))

last kiss ❤️‍🔥

Hotch x Fem!BAU!Reader

Summary: songfic based on “Last Kiss” by Taylor Swift

Warnings: angst angst angst, fluffy interludes, not a happy ending (soz)

i don’t even know my last name // part two

Hotch x Fem!BAU!Reader

Summary: songfic based on “Last Name” by Carrie Underwood

Warnings: angst, reckless/drunk Hotch, many mentions of alcohol, alluding to smut, fluff

forehead kisses that could mend any wound ✨🌈

Hotch x Autistic!Fem!Reader

Summary: You never know how to deal with death. Aaron helps you cope in healthy ways.

Warnings: angst and fluff, depiction of a meltdown, mentions of death/loss of a loved one

he’s different, he’s better 🍄

Hotch x Fem!Reader

Summary: comparing your past relationship to your one with Hotch

Warnings: straight up FLUFF

better**

Hotch x Fem!Reader

Summary: basically the smutty part 2 to the one shot above!

Warnings: straight up FILTH

“aren’t you going to thank me?”**

Hotch x Fem!Reader

Summary: this was a prompt!

Warnings: smut <3 oral (f receiving)

long day 🌈

Hotch x Autistic!Fem!Reader

Summary: comforting Hotch after he’s had a long day :(

Warnings: none! very sfw

another man’s jeans**✨

Hotch x Fem!Reader

Summary: You and Aaron used to date years ago, back when you both were too immature to know what you wanted -- but you knew you wanted each other. Now he’s working a case in the city where you live, and you want to have a little bit of fun ;))

Warnings: jealous!Hotch, smut ;) grinding, oral sex (f receiving), brief handjob, slight size kink, unprotected sex (use a condom irl for the love of GOD), dub-con (VERY slight, I think, but there are some moments where I can see it being questionable; just remember reader & Aaron used to be together, so this isn’t their first rodeo with each other, if you know what I mean)

memories ❤️‍🔥🍄

Hotch x Fem!Reader; for the ex I used he/him pronouns

Summary: Your ex broke up with you out of nowhere. Hotch comforts you, and even confesses something he’s been holding back for a long time.

Warnings: angst, hurt/comfort, nothing else <3

recompense** ✨

Hotch x Fem!Reader

Summary: Hotch forgot all about your date night. He makes it up to you, though.

Warnings: 18+ only pleaseeee y’all know the drill, slight sub!Hotch/dom!reader, light bondage, grinding, angst, MAYBE dubcon if you absolutely squint

faking it 🍄✨🌈

Hotch x Autistic!Fem!Reader

Summary: You’re in a constant state of masking, of faking who you are, but Hotch doesn’t want you to hide anymore.

Warnings: sprinkles of angst, lots of fluff, many mentions of masking as an autistic person, one bed trope’

the open road** ✨

Hotch x Fem!Reader

Summary: All the times you and Hotch spent on the open road, and the one where you couldn’t help yourself.

Warnings: smut 18+ only blah blah we know the drill (pls!), car sex!! blowjob ;)) unprotected sex (don’t be like them, use a condom), lots of teasing, lots of fluff/smut adjacent dialogue

gold star ❤️‍🔥🍄✨

Hotch x Teacher!Fem!Reader

Summary: You’re Jack’s teacher and Aaron is basically your nemesis. Until he’s not.

Warnings: angst! talks of parent death, therapy, bad parenting/emotional neglect, y’know the works. Lots of fluff tho to make up for it. And a happy ending!

baby, please come home** 🍄🎄

Beard!Hotch x Fem!Reader

Summary: Hotch has been overseas for three months and counting, and now it looks like he won’t be home in time for Christmas.

Warnings: mention of marriage, Hotch is a (playful) asshole, smut 18+ only pls minors dni!!!, unprotected p in v (wrap it irl pls i beg), oral (m and f receiving), sleepy sex, cockwarming, teasing

man after midnight 🍄

Hotch x Fem!Reader

Summary: The team goes out for a New Year’s Eve party and it ends in the best way possible.

Warnings: alcohol consumption, teeth-rotting fluff

Will you be my Valentine? 🍄

Hotch x Fem!Reader

Summary: Each time a new member of the BAU figured out Hotch had feelings for you…and when he finally told you.

Warnings: tooth-rotting fluff babes. It’s vile how cute this is

kiss her, you fool 🍄

Hotch x Fem!Reader

Summary: You're in the middle of spring cleaning when Aaron calls and says he forgot something at your place (he didn't).

Warnings: tooth-rotting fluff as usual

Juno **✨

Hotch x Fem!Reader

Summary: Aaron is working from home but what paperwork he needs to do is the absolute last thing on your mind.

Warnings: smut! 18+ only! this is so filthy! in no particular order: multiple orgasms, cockwarming, choking, brat tendencies, stoplight system, unprotected sex, breeding kink (briefly), face fucking, overstimulation

Operation Lovebirds 🍄

Hotch x Fem!Reader

Summary: You make plans for the team to get drinks together after work on Valentine’s Day in an effort to make yourself feel better after a sudden breakup. The team decides to play matchmaker instead

Warnings: oblivious reader, oblivious Hotch, PINING, YEARNING, past relationship/breakup woes, gender neutral terms for reader's ex, hotch is divorced but no foyet arc, awkward flirting (i think), happy ending ofc!!!

Like A Goddamn Vampire**✨

Hotch x Fem!Reader

I want to bite Hotch's neck whenever I see him wearing a polo shirt. That is all.

Warnings: smut, neck biting, hickeys, grinding, kind of sub!hotch, established relationship

Sleeping Beauty**✨

Hotch x Fem!Reader

Summary: With the demanding jobs you both work, you and Hotch see each other more often when one of you is asleep. An idea pops into your head.

Warnings: smut, somnophilia, angst if you squint, oral (f recieving), unprotected sex, fingering, consent/ground rules are established before, established relationship, dirty talk, mentions of phone sex, pussy-whipped Hotch per usual

Couldn't Make It Any Harder ❤️‍🔥

Hotch x Fem!Reader

Summary: You've been dating Hotch for almost eight months now and everything is going good. Almost too good. (Loosely based on Sabrina Carpenter's song by the same title!)

Warnings: hurt/comfort, angst/fluff, maybe autistic!reader if you squint

Headcanons/short blurbs

overprotective&comforting!Hotch after you have surgery 🍄

this was requested!

allll fluff :))

x fem!reader

perfect cozy sunday (weekend) with hotch** 🍄

this was requested!

mostly fluff with a teeny bit of smut at the end

x fem!reader

night routine with hotch 🍄

this was requested!

alllll fluff :))

x reader

no one knows you’re hotch’s girlfriend...and derek tries to flirt with you 🍄

this was requested!

all fluff :))

x fem!reader

coming out (daughter!reader) 🍄

totally self-indulgent :)

fluff!

adopted!daughter!reader

some mentions of anxiety, being too anxious to eat, but nothing graphic/major

beauty isn’t skin deep (comfort for eczema) 🍄

also totally self-indulgent

fluff!

x fem!reader

anxious thoughts, sad thoughts, and mentions of picking at your skin/bleeding

Last Updated: June 5th, 2025

[kissesandcream]

a smol sibling.,

w/ xiao, kaeya, & venti

— • request from anon : being the trio’s younger sibling! (separately)

xiao p1 || kaeya p1 || gn ! sibling ! reader || headcanon format || 1.5k words

; masterlist.,

; a / n - i’ve done xiao and kaeya before, but i had some more ideas so i’m making some more! links above if you’d like to read the others <3

xiao .,

• the other hcs i made for him where general, but here anon specified a younger sibling, so i’ll do that!

• he’s that sibling who’ll pretend ur the most annoying thing on the planet but would do anything for u so much as you ask

• “xiao when u come back could i have some glaze lilies” “get them yourself im the vigilant yaksha not a flower picker🙄” mhm then why did u literally wipe out qingce village’s flower population hm xiao 🤨

• teaches u how to fight!! but he’s not teaching he’s “helping you discover things yourself so you can be a functional person”

• it takes way too much effort to get this man to admit he loves you but you know it as much as he does so it’s okay <3

• cloud retainer has so much dirt on him it’s crazy. if you ever need some blackmail material head over to hers. also you can find some embarassing pictures she’s got a heckton

• verr goldet takes care of u a lot too, xiao’s a great brother and all but he lacks in this department called self care

• idk if you’re mortal or adeptus or half adeptus but if you need to eat and do basic body functions he does not got u covered

• mans would try to raise u on almond tofu until verr goldet bought out a food pyramid and explained about these things called nutrients 

• he also doesn’t understand how important sleep is so,,, “xiao i’m gonna stay up” “yeah sure whatever” passing out two days later “y/N WHAT’S WRONG-”

• yeah verr goldet and the innkeeper guy give him a guide to basic survival talk and all through it he’s glaring at you like why did you never tell me you needed human things to live >:( 

• now that he knows you need sleep, he makes u sleep at 8 pm every night like a grandpa!! good luck trying to get him to stop!!

• are these getting too guardian-like and less sibling-like??? 😭 but that’s the vibes he gives yk!! ur over protective adeptus parent-brother who has no clue how u work but wants to try to understand a little

• in the game u can tell how much more open he gets wit the traveller as friendship levels progress, and if you’ve maxed it out he’d basically do anything for you and would want you to trouble him than yourself

• and he’ll probably be closer with you than he’ll ever be with traveller since you’re siblings and whatnot, so it would make sense that he looks out for you more than your typical older brother yk

• plays the flute for you!! if he hears u humming a tune under your breath he’ll find it and learn it to play for u 

• he may not fully understand how relationships work but he’s trying his best for u <3

 kaeya .,

• my other kaeya hcs were in relation to you being close / living with diluc, but these will be more general and central towards kaeya!

• kaeya fits literally every older brother trope that exists. the brother who’s always got ur back? you got it. the brother who keeps secrets you don’t know about from you? heck yeah. the annoying brother who makes u do his chores for him? maybe a little too much.

• pls he (lovingly) shoves all of his small tasks onto u it’s infuriating but you can’t even say no bc then he gets all dramatic 

• “y/n 😩 you’re abandonning your dear brother like this 😩 how could you 😩 i didn’t know you were so cruel 😩” sir shut up <3

• since he’s a people person everyone knows u very well too, heck all the senior citizens probably voted u as second best in law after him or smth idk man 

• hanging out with best boy bennett!! he canonically sees kaeya as an older brother too so y’all def go on little adventures together <3

• ur one of the only people who have ever looked under his eyepatch, diluc and crepus being the only other two

• sometimes he forgets to take it off when he goes to bed and it leaves a bruise bc it’s pretty tight, so he let’s you change it for him 

• “i can do this myself, you know” well he can but you both know he likes it better when you’re there

• does not allow your closet to be anything less than exquisite, you’ve got a bunch of scarfs like his whether you like it for not

• makes u buy his wine from diluc for him bc every time he goes to the tavern diluc raises the price tenfold just for him

• he’s that sibling who will rile you up on purpose just for the fun of it. i have a cousin who used to do that when he was younger and it was annoying but he still adores me sm so i don’t mind <3

• besides even if he does get on ur nerves amber’s got ur back- you can rant to her about him for hours on end and she’ll add with her experiences with kaeya’s bullying

• what are siblings if not for sibling rivalry, yes he picks on u constantly but he also picks u up when you’re feeling low <3

venti .,

• oh my gods he would be sO FUN

• the two of you are the bane of diluc’s existence, venti loops u into his winery pilfering plans a lot 

• venti pulls the archon card if the two of you get caught by him idk what excuse you’ve got but it better be good 😭

• no way the god of wind and song’s sibling doesn’t love music- even if you’re tone deaf, or hard of hearing, music is about the pleasure it brings and he’ll bring it to you

• you guys go wind gliding a lot of the time too!! y’all don’t even need gliders you’ve got the power of anemo 😎

• he’s that cool brother who’s only rule is that you do whatever you want to do, life is too short for regrets so live in the moment and be spontaneous!

• even though he’s older he seems much younger than you at heart 😭 will wine if you don’t do something for him it’s hilarious

• you’ve got other things to do and he’s just “but hanging out!!!” and ur like “but work!!!” 

• it’s very hard to be productive with him around, he will distract u with something as mundane as an apple- it’s not his fault tho bb just has a poor attention span 😭 

• he’s very clingy, if you’re together he’ll link your elbows like everyone did in sixth grade, and in turn u can kick him in the kneecaps when he does stupid things

• he’s the ceo of stupid things so u get to kick him a lot, it’s a mutal symbiotic relationship we love to see it <33

• my brain is dead and i can’t english rn but. his vibes yk he’s so fun to be around, he gives out surprisingly killer advice too

• i have this man’s teapot lines plastered on my wall bc they help me deal with stuff, so if you’re ever down you can always, always, always go to him and he’ll have the exact things to say

• if it’s words, he has them, if it’s silence you need he’ll lend you his shoulder; but there was never an instance he doesn’t leave you better than before

• you haven’t seen his archon side a lot, since he doesn’t show it all that much, but it’s so far from venti it’s a little scary; but in a sort of admiring way yk

• you guys visit zhongli sometimes, and it’s a free real estate for blackmail material bc of how terrified venti is of him

• zhongli is like that long lost uncle who visits once a year, and you’re his favorite child so he gives you candy and picks on venti for not taking good enough care of you

• “i’m their sibling not their parent” “you’re older have some responsibility >:(”

• if you ever get drunk he will hear about it and will come all the way from liyue to i will have order venti’s head, regardless of whether he was the cause of you being drunk or not

• that about wraps it up! im sure i could think of more but my brain is sorta dead rn so this will have to suffice 😭 i can’t think of a closing statement sO i hope u enjoyed!! bye bye!! <3

[tropiyas]

(my longest analysis post so far, get ready)

I don't know how to write about this in a way that's not too weird, but recently, Dungeon Meshi has been good at making you feel uncomfortable. I really appreciate Kui for challenging the reader like that - it shakes you out of auto-pilot and is a sort of "speed bump" for the story beats if you're reading too fast, and makes you appreciate the manga as a whole:

The main villains of the story are established to be the Demons (in DM's fantasy setting, they are an eldritch entity a class above regular sentient species/monsters that the main characters deal with). Rather than eating other creatures or people, their main food is desire - they come from an alternate dimension of infinite mana where desire doesn't exist, so they set up in the titular dungeons to cultivate+feed on adventurer's desires (for gold/fame/immortality/etc).

This is all very abstract, of course, compared to eating fantasy creatures based on IRL organisms - how would you "eat" someone's desire? A standard approach would be a creature sucking on/eating someone's brain, which is the typical organ you'd think of with regards to a person's desire. But that's too realistic and rooted in biology, so Kui decided to make it much more physically disconcerting.

So far, we've seen two demons feast on a persons desire, and each time it was very disturbing - the demon pins down the victim, phases into the victim's abdomen, and starts eating away at the desire. The act itself is depicted very physically, but the victims don't experience any bodily harm, they're just screaming at the demon because they know they're losing part of themselves and can't resist (one of the first things a demon eats is a victim's desire to resist). To me, it 100% reads as an allusion to sexual assault and definitely made me shift uncomfortably as I read and digested what the author's showing me.

Okay, so with these moments, Kui definitely wants to tell the reader "Demons are definitely the bad guys in this story, they should not coexist with our main dimension if their entire diet relies on cruelty to sentient peoples." But how do exactly do you stop demons? The Elves, being a long lived race, seem to have decent experience with dealing with dungeons and defeating demons before they become too strong.

In DM Chapter 74, Kui hits us with ANOTHER set of uncomfortable moments since our protagonists are dealing with a demon that is about to become too strong (it just ate a ton of desire and is about to be unsealed from its tome, two events which we've never seen before). Mithrun, the captain of the Canaries (a demon-hunting party of elves), is the victim pictured above, who somehow managed to survive his encounter because the goat left him with a desire for revenge against demons. So, Mithrun is unhinged and wants to stop the current dungeon's demon by any means, and when he finds out that our main half-elf protagonist Marcille is in possession of the tomes containing the demon, he's ignoring all boundaries.

Mithrun is a victim of a demon, and wants to stop Marcille from being another victim, but his mix of desperation and trauma (I headcanon he's lost the desire to be sensitive/kinder to other people which ends up w/ shit like this) has resulted in even more unsettling behavior that STILL makes the reader go "woah, shit dude" even though we're on his side! Kui's basically reaffirming "the demons are a severe enough threat that someone with personal experience with one is going this far to stop another."

Mithrun's party members end up pulling him away (which makes sense, none of them even know if Marcille has the tomes on her person, and they want to defuse the situation). This gives Marcille just enough time to release the demon, and I'll let these last few panels circle back to what I meant at the beginning of this post.

This new tone is a far cry from the beginning of the manga, which was 90% whimsical adventures about eating fantasy foods. BUT, the best part of Kui's storytelling is that she's still keeping to the theme of eating (this yoked up motherfucker is just trying to devour his next meal even if it is Bad), so the progression between the light/dark moments of Dungeon Meshi is totally natural as the conflict revolves around who eats whom.

[cinnamonest]

Hi weird request but what would Kaeya’s and Diluc’s s/o’s daily life be like ??? I’m really curious 🥺👉👈

No no anon not weird at all I like 👀

Tw: yandere, contains n/s/f/w

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Unfortunately (for them, at least) they can't be with you all day, as much as they'd like to. Both have very important affairs to attend to, but rest assured you're occupying their thoughts the entire day. Diluc, thankfully (again, for him, at least) has some days where the only work he has to do is right there at home, moreso than Kaeya, but at least Kaeya gets some days off entirely.

Diluc's has more of a strict schedule. He's one to determine when you wake up and when you sleep, and he has to stay up a lot working on this or that, but even if he's staying up he'll make you go to bed on time, but a little while later you'll feel the shift of the mattress when he crawls in with you. He'll gently wake you up before he leaves in the morning, and give you just little things to accomplish. It's not immediate, but after you've adjusted to your new lifestyle, he'll give you little tasks around the place to do, cleaning things and the like. It'll take a while before you're trusted to cook things, at least those involving knives. Wouldn't want you to get any dumb ideas about attacking him or the staff.

Speaking of them, you'll never not feel eyes on you, outside of your room. Everywhere you go there's maids and other staff around, watching your every move, making note of anything you do so that they can give the detailed report they'll later be asked for. Don't expect any help -- some of them are sympathetic, but you'll quickly realize that not only are they all well aware of your situation, and not only are they all turning a blind eye to it, but they also are expected to report any instances of you trying to enlist their help. It gives Diluc an idea of how well you're adjusting. Of course, any new incoming staff will be secretly watched themselves -- any move to aid you in any way won't end well for them. In the end, hey, they all got a raise when you came in just as a way of keeping them silent, so they can tolerate the weight of the knowledge of your plight without doing anything. And you take care of some of the maids' tasks for them! Don't think they're gonna want to get rid of that.

Between assigned tasks and reading and, in his words, "approved walks with two or more staff through the vineyards for no more than ten minutes," you'll have enough to do until he gets back, which becomes earlier as time goes on. He's dropped his nighttime vigilante activities.

Now, on days when he has no one to meet and nowhere to be, and all the work to be done is right there at home, he'll keep you with him. Give you a book or a toy of some sort so you can sit in his lap while he does paperwork, keeping an iron grip on your waist. You can still do some little chores around the place after a while once you get fidgety, he likes watching it really. You can feel his eyes on you as you move around. On days like that, he tends to make everyone else clear out, or gives them the day off. He's too embarrassed to actually, you know, show human emotion around other people than you, and he gets irritated by other people talking to or looking at you. And, of course, because you'll inevitably end up bent over the desk a couple of times throughout the day.

At the end of the day, he's honestly one to really like physical affection. Just laying next to you and running hands through your hair is nice, he likes to spoon you with your back pressed against him and his hands around your waist, it feels very secure to him. Once he gets like that, he actually kind of lets go and sometimes just vents his stress and complaints, mumbling and grumbling about this or that thing that happened. It's actually really sweet, if, you know, you're at the phase of your relationship where you've allowed yourself to start becoming emotionally attached to your captor.

Kaeya's poor darling has a bit less to do. No huge pretty winery to run around in, you're more or less trapped in one room. Expect to read a lot of books in the near future. And he genuinely doesn't want you to die of boredom or anything, he will go out of his way to try and pick up things for you, not only books but also coloring books, puzzles, paper and drawing supplies, and other forms of time-occupiers. He doesn't want you going numb and unresponsive, he wants to keep your brain active so he can see all the cute smiles you have and hear your voice.

He won't wake  you up, though, you're too cute sleeping, so if you're easily woken up by him moving around, he'll briefly talk to you, tell you when he'll be back and so on. If you're a heavier sleeper, he'll just kiss your forehead and leave, maybe leave a daily note on the bedside table if there's anything important to be addressed. And your day will primarily consist of those aforementioned time-occupiers, there's not much else to do. Although, he's now taken to taking meals back with him to his own room rather than eating with the other knights, and for whatever reason seems to be taking almost twice the amount. Not that anyone cares enough to check into it. Honestly, poor darling, ya boy is whiny and an absolute drama queen. He's never had an outlet for it before, but now you get to hear all his complaints, talking about the people that irritate him, all the things he has to deal with, he gets all stubborn and pouty about it, blatantly overexaggerating everything he suffers through, hoping you'll reassure and coddle him over it, even faking dangerous occurrences or near-injuries in hopes you'll show some concern for his well-being. And then, he'll put on his daily routine of telling you how much he doesn't want to go back, hey maybe he can take the rest of the day off? Feign sickness? And the other possibilities he always goes through before you finally tell him to suck it up and go back to work.

At the end of the day, he comes back and, ever dramatically, flops down to tell you just how awful the rest of the day was, grabbing you from whatever you're doing and nuzzling into you, picking you up to carry you to bed. He's also very into physical affection! Just. You know. A very specific kind. Unlike Diluc he can't really separate the concepts of cuddling and sex and they both inevitably mold into each other. If he's gonna lay there and hold you after a long day's work, might as well exert some of that pent up stress.

On his off days, well, there's a lot more of that occurring. He's actually one who, much to your dismay, likes to stay in on off days, opting to lazily lay around, talk and talk (it's something he does a lot of, you know), and all that talking and muttering and hands moving and groping eventually progresses, peaks, and soon you find yourselves back to lazily snuggling and talking, only now naked and sweaty. And that's pretty much the entirety of those days. However, on the extremely rare and very gracious day, provided you've been exceptionally well-behaved, you may find yourself allowed to go out on a daytime excursion. Just be warned, it's only at your begging, as he'd lock you away forever if he could, and he's in a pretty pouty, bad mood the entire time. There are two ways it can turn out. One, you notice said bad mood and inevitably it ruins your own time, and you end up conceding to go back. Or, if you can ignore the pouting and cold silence and have fun anyway, good for you, but the trip will probably end faster since he doesn't quite like seeing how happy you are to be out among others.

[asterekmess]

Did you ever watch Buffy? The first episode where Anya was introduced was titled "The Wish" and all I can think about is if Scott McCall had ever run into a pure Sidhe where they offered him a wish. Instead of, "I wish Buffy had never come to Sunnydale." It would be more, "I wish I was never bitten to become a werewolf." But just like all feaye tricks, the outcome is more, his Dad ended up with primary custody rather than his Mom and he was forced to leave BH. And then Stiles ended up more friends with Heather and others. And while Scott's life is worse, when he tracks down the others he finds all of theirs are greatly improved.

I think about it a lot and how Scott never really dealt with the consequences of any of his actions, everyone else did, and how an episode or mini-arc could have fixed a flaw in the show's design. I mean, we were already dealing with a lot of Celtic lore, why not someone from the Sidhe courts?

I have no idea why this took me so long to answer, so apologies for that. <3 I did watch buffy! I've seen all of it, and all of Angel as well. XD

I remember 'The Wish' episode, and whoooo boy it gave me chills. I loved how big the butterfly effect was, how something that seemed so small, something that Genuinely seemed to be the cause of a lot of problems in Sunnydale, ended up being so important to how things had progressed. Because, yeah, you would think Buffy not coming to Sunnydale would be a Good Thing, right? Sunnydale didn't have all of these insane issues before she arrived. It was quiet, and nothing big or scary ever happened. Her arrival matches perfectly with when everything started going absolutely nuts, so whatever selfish ideas Cordelia had, her thought that Buffy not coming to Sunnydale would be a good thing, makes sense. Except that, as she finds out, she's entirely wrong. Buffy's arrival was a lucky coincidence, or fate, whatever your taste leans toward. She showed up right as things started going nuts, and she kept it from going SO MUCH MORE NUTS.

Now, moving on to TW, it is a fascinating mix of being the Exact same situation, and the exact Opposite. I'll add a Read More, cus' holy god is this a lot of Rambling.

Because Scott wishing not to have been bitten...yeah, the bite Did improve things. But it improved things for him. He would absolutely regret making the wish, just like Cordelia did, because he would realize how many good things the bite had brought with it. BUT, conversely, he would have to realize how many good things the bite had brought for him, not for other people, and how their lives either wouldn't have been affect, or might've even Improved without him being bitten. Without the bite, Scott wouldn't have gotten on first line, period. His health issues made very clear in the five minutes he had them that any kind of stamina based sport was just out of the question for him. If he is unable to walk through the woods at a moderate pace without needing to grab his inhaler and stop against a tree, he just plain cannot play lacrosse for two or three hours of running at high speeds and working a bunch of muscles in his upper body. He likely wouldn't have gone out with Allison, because he would have no convenient way to get her attention. Furthermore, he wouldn't have the extra senses that both impressed her on the lacrosse field, and told him about her 'family dinner' the night of Lydia's party. (I've discussed this before, but... While it's true, Allison would have still brought him the dog; that dog would likely have attacked him, and his chances with her would have been shot in the foot when they both got in massive trouble and he likely had to go to the ER for stitches or something. Without Allison or first line, he wouldn't have started hanging out with the 'cool kids,' and quite frankly, wouldn't have had anyone to help him study for the classes he was struggling with. It's true that he also wouldn't have had werewolf things to worry about, or even a girlfriend to distract him from homework, so maybe that wouldn't have been such a huge issue, but still.

If we look at other people's lives and how They would have been affected by Scott not getting the bite...well, let's talk about that.

Stiles didn't get on first line because of Scott, or because of a werewolf bite. Or even because of the werewolf bullshittery occurring in town. He was put on first line because of his abilities, and even after being taken OFF first line for missing the game, he was put Right onto the field in the next game, chosen OVER other players who were perfectly viable options. Which means, he still would've ended up on first line. Allison wasn't interested in dating before she met Scott, and part of her draw to him was based on how 'different' he was. He knew things she didn't know how he could know, he had a weird ability to calm a furious, injured dog, and he had charisma that was ALSO gained from the bite, since being on first line made Scott Much more self-confident. If she didn't end up dating him, it's likely she wouldn't have dated at all. Which would mean no hiding from her parents, no strange conflicts of interest, AND, interestingly enough --depending on her involvement in the murders, etc that would still be occurring in town--no night in the school that would scare her bad enough to ask Kate for extra help and tip her headfirst into hunter training. AND, even if she DID still end up getting those lessons from Kate? There would be no bitterness to fuel her behavior at the end of season 1.

Allison was Traumatized after Kate showed her Derek on the grate. She was horrified, and didn't know what to do about it, and while we can ramble all we want about the morality of her not confronting her family (whom she's just discovered is willing to electrocute people) about it, the fact is that she pushed the thoughts aside to stop freaking out and went to that dance. Where she found out Scott was a werewolf, and was So fucking Betrayed that she was willing to help Kate catch him and Derek. No Scott, no betrayal, no willingness to help Kate recapture the miserable man who'd been chained up in a basement.

If we go back to that specific night, and try to unfold the events from there if Scott hadn't been bitten, things get a little complicated, but I'll take a few artistic liberties. Scott isn't bitten. Presumably, he just happens to get out of the woods in time, or he gets caught with Stiles by the sheriff, or doesn't go to the woods in the first place. These all change the possible outcomes of that night. If he hadn't gone in the first place, and Stiles went alone, would he have been bitten instead? Would Scott have been dragged into all of this anyway, but without the protection and boost of being a werewolf and cured of his asthma? If he weren't the one bitten, and he saw everything Stiles gained from it, would he still have such a hatred for the bite? Or would he want it, like Erica did, to cure him and make him powerful and cool? But, let's assume Stiles doesn't get bitten either. The second half of Laura's body still hasn't been found, and Stiles has no reason to fear running back into the preserve the next day, and no real punishment from his father as far as we can tell. So, does he go back to look again? If he did, he would run into Derek, because Derek would still be there after retrieving Laura's body himself. He would see Derek and still recognize him, and from there, things might spiral, still involving Stiles in the supernatural, and it's likely Stiles would try to involve Scott, and Again we get hit with "Would Scott want the bite, if he hadn't gotten forcibly bitten in the first place?" The answer is probably yes. He wanted to be cool, and popular, and on the lacrosse team. He wanted everything being a werewolf gave him. BUT if we're looking at this wish as similar to "The Wish," then no matter what, Scott won't be bitten. He'll be transported to a new world where it just never happened, and he'll be human, and forced to watch everyone around him be just plain different. Scott not being bitten would isolate him from Stiles, if Stiles got involved in the spn anyway. We SAW how Stiles cut off his other friends once the spn starting getting in the way. He and Harley? We have no clue how close they were. They were close enough for her to tease him about his crush on Lydia, for her to wander up comfortably to the locker and talk to them. And he cut her off as soon as the werewolf stuff hit. What if he cut Scott off? To protect him, if nothing else, like he did his own father. Once he realized the danger involved, I doubt he would be willing to put Scott in harm's way.

So, Scott would not only lose first line, lose his girlfriend, lose his popularity, lose his health and strength and heightened abilities, lose his 'importance' to the goings-on of Beacon Hills, but he would also lose Stiles, who seems to have been his only friend, unless he also had a relationship with Harley.

Okay, I've rambled enough about the what if's, so let's talk about the Reason why this wish would go so badly for Scott, in such a different way than it went for Cordelia. Cordelia, first off, wished that someone Else would not have/do something, rather than wishing for herself not to have done something. She watches how fucked up the world gets, and how much worse her life is without Buffy around to save the day. Scott wished for Himself not to have done something (even something passive, like 'get bitten') and would have to watch how fucked up his world gets, and how far behind he would fall. The other's lives might not necessarily get better, because Peter is still on the loose, and the hunters are still there, etc etc, but they would still Progress, while Scott would stay stagnant.

And WHY is that? Because Scott isn't important to the story. It DOESN'T start with him. That's the Whole Point of his character. He is supposed to be the 'everyman' who gets dragged into crazy shit and becomes integral to things that he wasn't ever meant to be a part of. The guy who wanders into becoming King or 'The Hero' that will save the world, even though he's just a small lad from a tiny town, whose highest prospects were "get on first line."

He was NEVER supposed to be Buffy, or if he was, it was done Very Badly.

But Beacon Hills WASN'T a quiet town before Scott was bitten; however much he might've said 'nothing ever happens in this town.' It was FULL of bullshittery and magic from the very beginning. There was the fire, and Paige, and the blinding of Deucalion, and the death of Alexander Argent, and the Nogitsune in the internment camp nearby. All of these things were around So much longer than Scott's bite, and they'd been affecting the world that whole time too. Because yes, in Buffy, the master was There before she was, but he was literally rendered inert by the situations he was in. And the things he'd done happened Centuries before, not six years. There is a difference. Sunnydale was Not Known for the insane number of weird deaths. Beacon Hills was. And aside from the Nogitsune, every single fucking thing that happened in Beacon Hills, was attuned to the Hale family in one way or another. Deucalion's blinding occurred during a meeting on Hale land, because Talia was known as a wise leader, etc, in the area and other wolves flocked to her. Deucalion biting Argent seems unrelated (if you even believe Deucalion did that, despite being a fucking pacifist before Gerard blinded him), but again, it occurs just a couple hours away from Beacon Hills, which is Hale Territory. The one who plays the Buffy role here? Who shows up at just the right time, and launches themself against an endless wave of evil, with slightly enhanced senses and a thorough need to do good and not back away from things that 'aren't they're problem'? The actual hero who is somehow tied to everything going on in ways even they don't understand? Was Derek. The guy who entirely unwittingly allowed Julia Baccari to survive, because he was trying to be merciful to his first love. Who entirely unwittingly was manipulated into giving up information that let a hunter kill his family. Who followed his sister back to town after six years of just trying to survive in New York, fell into a fucking tragedy, and decided to stop the bad guys anyway, even though he knew he didn't stand a fucking chance.

And as annoyed as some might get. The 'everyman' who stumbles onto the set and accidentally becomes integral to the saving of the world? The one whose ambitions are small and who expectations are smaller? Who is misunderstood, and has abilities that aren't recognized or appreciated, that doesn't really fit in, but tries their best anyway? The literal Angel to Derek's Buffy?

Is fucking Stiles. The son of the sheriff who just could not let it go when he discovered there was something funky going on. Who hung around on the edges, even though he wasn't really wanted, because he needed to help. Who ended up saving Derek's life over and over, and becoming so important as to be Derek's anchor? Who literally WENT DARKSIDE and HAD TO BE NEARLY KILLED, even though Derek didn't to kill him???

I know how it sounds, but JD SAID he took inspiration from Buffy. The issue is that his parallels are between DEREK AND STILES, and BUFFY AND ANGEL. Respectively.

Derek might act like the broody bad boy, but it is STILES' mentality that matches Angel's behavior, and it's Derek who matches Buffy.

I'm so fucking off track. Scott would be miserable if he ever managed to get a wish and used it to keep from having been bitten. And it would be sad. I would feel bad for him, had I watched something like that happen. Seeing him realize that most of the good things he had, he only got because of the bite. That Stiles would still be on first line, that Lydia and Jackson would still be the popular kids. That Allison wouldn't know he existed, or if she did would avoid him entirely. That Jackson would never have been turned into the kanima in the first place. That everyone else would move on and up in life, and he would still be standing at the bottom step. Because it wasn't his actual limitations that were holding him back, it was his refusal to accept them, to work with them, and to just plain stop Envying Everyone Around him, and start living his own fucking life instead of trying to steal other people's.

Scott wishes he were Cordelia, and I promise that would backfire too.

[blu-joons]

DATING TXT A⇴Z HEADCANON ⇴ Choi Soobin

A ⇴ AFFECTION

Soobin couldn’t help but get shy whenever he was affectionate around you. It didn’t matter how long the two of you had been together, just to feel your touch against him was always more than enough to put a smile on his face.

B ⇴ BEFORE DATING

The two of you were introduced to each other through Arin, who was confident that the two of you would get along with each other. You’d been talking about trying to get yourself out there for quite some time, and she knew straight that you and Soobin would hit it off if you just let her introduce you to him.

C ⇴ CONFESSION

Eventually, as Arin saw how well the two of you were getting on, she managed to push Soobin into telling you how he felt. There was no way she was going to see two of her closest friends not end up together when she saw how happy you were in each other’s company. With Arin’s threats in mind, on his next date with you, Soobin knew he had to tell you how he felt about you before it ended up being too late.

D ⇴ DATES

Your dates often consisted of adventuring, whenever Soobin had the time off, usually enjoying the fresh air and the peace and quiet. When he wasn’t so lucky to get the time off, either through TXT or MCing, you’d try and surprise him with lunch or stop by for an hour wherever he was filming to still make sure that you could spend some time with him. It was something that was incredibly important to you both, and Soobin always made sure to express to you how thankful he was that you made the time for him.

E ⇴ EXPERIENCE

It took a long time for Soobin to really settle into a relationship, being his first one, he was incredibly nervous about doing something wrong or risking upsetting you. He would open up to his friends a lot and used every piece of advice that they gave him to make sure that he was always doing the right thing. However, as time passed and things progressed, Soobin definitely found his feet a lot better and soon began to relax into your relationship and learn from all of his first experiences that he had alongside you.

F ⇴ FIGHTING

Arguing was never something Soobin enjoyed, he had the kindest heart, which anyone knew. Of course, he knew that no relationship was perfect, but that never meant that he enjoyed fighting with you either. He was always one to get quite emotional when tension started to grow between the two of you. When things began to feel like they weren’t going to resolve quickly, he’d find himself tearing up and falling quiet in the hope that it would get things to stop. You were a mess too, and as you saw the states that each other was often in, it would be enough to encourage you both to stop your disagreement too.

G ⇴ GETTING TO KNOW HIS FAMILY

He was often teased by his brother and sister for not having dated before, and so when he started dating you, he couldn’t wait to rub it into them that he’d finally found someone. They adored you, almost as much as Soobin did, but knowing they could no longer tease their brother definitely stung them both a bit.

H ⇴ HOME

The two of you were incredibly lucky in that Beomgyu was a very understanding roommate for Soobin. Whenever you stayed at the dorm, he’d usually head across and room with Yeonjun so that the two of you could have some space and also make sure that Soobin rested in between his busy schedules that he had.

I ⇴ “I LOVE YOU”

You surprised at the end of a particularly long show at Music Bank which finally brought a confession of love out of him for the first time. Earlier in the day, on a call, you could tell he was struggling, and as the camera cut and he saw you waiting to take him home, there were no other words that could express how he was feeling about seeing you.

J ⇴ JEALOUSY

Soobin trusts in most people, but he especially trusts in you, therefore jealousy is a feeling very rarely felt by him. He knows that you can handle yourself, and he trusts that anyone around you will be respectful of your relationship together and not try and get in the way of things. It doesn’t stop him definitely being protective of you, but he’s far from someone who will throw his weight around or feel the need to make your relationship obvious to stop himself from ever getting jealous at things that you did together.

K ⇴ KIDS

He most definitely looked forward to the day where you could settle down together and start dreaming of a family, but Soobin was incredibly focussed on his career for the foreseeable to think about having a family in the immediate future. It didn’t stop him thinking about what would happen one day, but he was very clear with you that work was number one whilst he was still young and making a name for himself.

L ⇴ LAUGHTER

You often made it a mission for yourself to get Soobin laughing because you loved to see his dimples and prominent as possible. He was very much aware that his dimples were a feature that you absolutely adored on him. Whilst he always found himself laughing around you anyway, he knew you always liked to get that little bit extra out of him so that you could really see how happy he was around you. Your company was always something that Soobin enjoyed, and if you were feeling down, then he’d force a way to make sure that his dimples were clear as he knew they were always the solution to cheering you up.

M ⇴ MISSING

Whilst you were very understanding of just how busy Soobin was, it didn’t stop you missing him a lot, and him you. He always worked, he knew nothing else, but being a relationship certainly shifted those feelings for him. Time was often something that the two of you didn’t have much of, leaving Soobin especially feeling guilty for how alone you often were. He missed you a lot, not just on tour, but day to day too when he was shooting or MCing, not being able to have the contact with you, even just a text, was definitely hard on him. He underestimated at times just how hard he really had fallen for you and how much he wanted to be around you.

N ⇴ NICKNAMES

He loved to call you, ‘petal,’ or something associated with flowers. It was always the way with him, there was never anything else. He was always coming up with a new floral nickname that he could give to you.

O ⇴ OBSESSION

Soobin was obsessed with your hands, he missed them when he wasn’t able to hold them, but the limited times he was able to hold them meant a tremendous lot.

P ⇴ PDA

He would always get shy when he was affectionate with you in public, he got shy in private, let alone around other people. He loved for others to see that he was happy in his relationship, but as soon as he spotted someone looking or heard someone make a comment, he’d immediately turn red and have to hide away.

Q ⇴ QUESTIONS

Your opinion on his work was something that meant a great deal to Soobin. He loved to know what you thought about the things that he was doing, and if you ever had any feedback, good or bad, then he was always more than happy to hear it too.

R ⇴ RANDOM FACTS

Soobin always told you how he hated the rain, so you made it your mission to get him to see how beautiful the rain could be. With a lot of persuasion, you eventually managed to convince him to take a walk out in the rain with you. A lot of small steps were made, until one day as it rained, you felt him take a hold of your hand, pulling you out onto the streets so that the two of you could dance in the rain like you’d always dreamt of.

S ⇴ SEX

He always made sure to take the best care of you whenever the two of you were intimate. Whilst you had a bit more of a drive for something quick in between his busy schedule, Soobin refused, he wanted to always be able to take his time with you, intimacy was never something to be rushed as far as he was concerned. Soobin always wanted to make you feel loved, even if it meant having to wait a little while longer sometimes.

T ⇴ TEXTS

You’d often receive texts when you spent a little while apart with updates on how his day was going. He’d always let you know when he was resting or having a meal so that you didn’t have to worry too much about him.

U ⇴ UNIVERSE

Having someone who was so understanding of his career and the things that he did was of most importance to Soobin. Knowing that he had you there to support him and help him rest when he had time off meant the world to him.

V ⇴ VACATION

If he ever got the chance to go away, even just for a day or two, he would. It didn’t matter where in the world he was, just being able to spend a bit of quality time with you without the phone going or a car tooting its horn outside of the dorm was more than he could have ever dreamt of no matter where the two of you were.

W ⇴ WHINING

Soobin wasn’t one to moan, he knew he left you craving his attention a lot, and so he’d never be as harsh as to ask for yours in return when you were busy.

X ⇴ XXXXX

Any form of affection often left Soobin shy, but kisses were definitely the ones that would turn his cheeks the darkest shade of red. He’d hide away in the crook of your neck as soon as he felt his cheeks turn, despite the undivided attention you paid to making sure he was filled with love, scattering kisses to any part of his body that you could reach. Seeing how shy he got was definitely something that you adored the most.

Y ⇴ YOU

You were always there for him, even if sometimes you had to wait forever to be at his side.

Z ⇴ ZZZ

At night, Soobin would always hold you close and try and make up for the lost time the two of you had together throughout your days together. Small apologies would often be whispered as he hoped a hug from him would at least go some way in making things up to you.

---

Masterlist

[hyunjilicious]

what is and what should never be [bucky barnes]

A/n: ok, so. Im really fucking insecure about this. I literally poured my heart into this fic. I'm genuinely unhappy with the beginning, but I promise you, it gets better!! I don't have it in me to rewrite it for the 4th time. I really hope you'll still like it though. If you ask me, this is the best fic idea I even had. Please, please, if you enjoyed it, let me know!!!

Summary: It was you and Bucky. An unlikely couple that shared equally disturbed pasts. When you get a day off, your paradise turns into hell as Bucky's nightmares return, leaving you alone to deal with The Winter Soldier. (FLUFF, SMUT, ANGST) 12k

Warnings: 2 smut scenes - they're graphic but not extreme, fluff, angst, violence, mentions of death and suicide, blood, a fight scene - also quite graphic but it was written to serve the angst. I don't want to spoil the ending, but if you really connect with the characters, you will not hate me!!

This day had been long awaited. After months of back to back missions and endless efforts to climb up the greasy pole of US social standards, words failed to describe how ecstatic you were to know, that for the next 24 hours, your whole schedule would fully be in your hands.

You had the freedom to do just about anything you wanted, and the simple fact that the rest of the avengers left to deal with some paperwork excited you to no end. You woke up when it was time for them to take off, and made a snarky remark about heading to the gym - something along the lines of having a productive day centered on self development.

Just about 20 minutes later, you and Bucky, now also alone in the Stark Tower, decided to start off your day on the right foot. He offered to make protein smoothies as you changed into something comfortable and fitting for a workout, but neither of you got their job done.

You had no idea how that happened, but before you knew it you were wearing your sports bra and still had your pajama pants on, moaning on the counter of Tony's kitchen as Bucky had lodged himself between your legs, hungrily exploring the heated skin of your neck, peppering you with bruise marks that represented his adoration for you. "You heal fast anyway" he shrugged, pulling you closer and digging his teeth into your flesh, sucking profusely and eliciting an erotic moan from your lips. 

With every new hickey he left, another one would disappear, which in turn would make him even more frustrated, “The hell should I do? Tattoo hickeys on you!?” he groaned, moving up your neck. You caught his cheeks into your palms and kissed him back, smiling as he kept getting more and more aggravated. 

It didn't come as a surprise when the blender went berserk, splattering fruit pulp, almond milk and protein powder all over the pristine walls of the room - both of you have long forgotten about it. 

The way Bucky cleaned the mess was the epitome of not giving a shit, and you couldn't find it more endearing. He bitched and whined his way through the whole process, and tears formed at the corners of your eyes at the ridiculousness of the half assed job he just did. 

You eventually reached the gym - of course, against all your pouting and begging to put off this session. "Doll, you're the only avenger who can't fight. A punk on the street could snap your purse and there would be nothing you can do"

Wrong, he was not. You couldn't fight - but at the same time that didn't mean you were defenceless. It was your immense power that for months on end made your teammates consider you a liability. The energy that surged through your veins had been too great for you to handle, and in fact, it still was, but now, thanks to the joined efforts of Tony and Bruce, there was a way for that power to be contained. Their solution came in the form of two massive shackles wrapped around the length of your forearms. They were made of dimeritium and kept all kinds of energy from leaving your body. But, even so, that energy was in full form, buzzing inside every fiber of your being. And so, while wearing them you couldn't attack anyone, but there wasn't a way for them to harm you either. That field of energy protected you from every kind of damage and wounds you had ever encountered, ranging from fist fights to automatic rifles to guided grenades.

"I'm the only one that doesn't need to know" you huffed and puffed, annoyed but still determined to get this first training session done with.

But that never happened. Halfway through your warm up rounds, your teasing side awoke and it took you about ten minutes to go from batting your eyelashes and flaunting your ass, to nonchalantly cupping his cock into your hand.

No one could blame Bucky for not even trying to stop you. Bless him, he did everything he could, but he was never able to resist you. And probably never will be.

By the time you were done at the gym, both your bodies were coated in lecherous layers of sweat, no of them being from actually working out. It was only a matter of time until you managed to break his self control and he had you sprawled on all fours in the middle of the boxing ring, moaning your soul out as he pounded your pussy. 

The momentum made your whole frame rock back and forth, your hair falling around your face, "Holy fuck-" 

The room vibrated with the vulgar slaps he afflicted on your bare ass. You arched your back and cried his name out loud, "Come on, Bucky- I- harder please-"

"How are you already so needy?" he chuckled, caging your waist between his strong arms and pulling you up until your back reached his chest. "I ate this pussy this morning before we got out of bed"

"You know I love your tongue-" you giggled out of breath as you tried to look at him over your shoulder. "But it doesn't compare to your cock"

"What does?" Bucky rhetorically questioned before picking up his pace. He kept slamming his hips into yours, fucking you at full force as with each thrust, his cock rammed against your walls hard enough to make you see stars.

"I'm really fucking close, Buck" you whined, feeling your knees start to refuse to maintain your weight any longer. 

"Don't cum yet" he panted, "Wait for me"

"Fuck, fuck, fuck-" you cried out loud, liquid pleasure seeping out of you in the form of fresh tears streaming down your cheeks. "Please-" you whined, "I can't hold it anymore, I'm-"

"Not yet, baby" Bucky groaned, easily stopping you from wiggling around in his hold. His thrusts became sloppy and the orgasm got the best of him. He buried his face deep in your shoulder as his high forced guttural moans to rip from his throat. 

As he filled you up with his cum, as much as you wanted to comment about him making you wait and then not even bothering to tell you you could cum, you couldn't. Your eyes rolled back in pleasure and your chest heaved as the spiral of bliss seemed to go on and on, tons of ecstasy propagating in long painful waves across your body.

"Fuck-" Bucky panted as helped you up, "I could get used to days like this. We should retire"

"I'm not retiring-" you teasingly shook your head, "not until you find a way to give me a baby"

"I'd give you all the babies" he retorted, tugging your hand.

It caused you to lose your balance and stumble into his chest, "I love you"

"Love you" Bucky kissed the top of your head and spun you around. With his palms on your hips, he started guiding you towards the door, "Let's get you cleaned up"

And then, another wave of unproductivity followed. You showered, ordered pizza, whined about how there was still some smoothie left on the floor, and after you warned him about it, your face fell as Bucky stepped directly in the middle of the puddle of almond milk. He was fuming, the incident wiped any traces of happiness off his face. He mumbled something about that being the last pair of comfy socks he had left and something about Tony's devices being a constant pain in the ass. 

He went on and on until you ambushed him with kisses up his neck and shoved your hands under his shirt. In an instant his bickering turned into soft giggles as he innocently relaxed under your touch. You eventually cleaned up the mess and tried to make yourself busy. Nothing worked, you weren't in the mood for anything and at the same time, even though you did absolutely nothing all day, you felt a wave of tiredness envelop you.

At about 4pm, and you Bucky had already been lazily laying in bed, a mess of tangled limbs under the fluffy duvet. Your conversation started from the tactical gear he swore would look better on you than on him and then wondered how you didn't know how to sow.

"I'll hit you" you threatened.

"I'm sorry" he laughed, holding onto your forearm as it was resting on his chest, "But you know how much I love it when you get angry at my misogynistic jokes"

"It's rude" you scoffed - you didn't mean his jokes, but the fact that when he grew up, women were not anywhere near where they are today. 

"You know I don't mean it"

"I know you don't" you laughed, "Otherwise I'd have actually hit you"

"Don’t worry" Bucky said, "I'd hit myself if I was that stupid"

"Cute" you smiled, kissing his shoulder. Looking up at him, you promoted your chin against his chest, "Do you miss it? The 40s i mean"

He thought about it for a second. "Nah" there was a bit of nostalgia in his tone, but you believed him. "I've kinda made my peace with the fact that everyone from my old life is gone. I wouldn't want to go back now. I got you. I got all of you guys. I'm good now, really good"

"I'm glad" you beamed, feeling yourself warm up from the inside just thinking of the progress he made. After a few seconds, you spoke up again, "But what about the society? Like the day to day life? How do you like the 2010s?"

"I can't lie" Bucky laughed, "I liked Romania better. Much simpler."

"You lived in a dead beat apartment, hiding everyday" you scoffed, "How was that better?"

"I don't know… maybe it was the simple life. Apparently I'm all about that"

"You'd move back there?"

"If you came with me?" he questioned, looking down at you. There was genuine sincerity in his eyes and a hint of a smile at the corner of his lips. "Wouldn’t even think twice"

"Maybe one day" you sighed with content. You snuggled back against his side, and closed your eyes. "We're not done avenging yet" you mumbled.

He didn't say anything to that. You didn't know whether he was getting lost in thoughts or if he was starting to drift off, but you would have been fine with either. When he spoke up again, you didn't expect the conversation to take this route.

"About Romania…" he sighed, "What made you come with Steve back in 2016?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean-" he muttered, rubbing his light stubble, "I know why Steve came-" Bucky chuckled, "And Sam's all up his ass, so there's that. But what about you?"

"I-"

"I'm aware of the rift I caused between you guys back then. So that's why I'm asking. What made you stand by Steve from the beginning?"

"I knew how much you meant to him. And I know how this is going to sound, but I felt sorry for you, Buck. I know what it's like to be alone, to have everyone turn against you. You deserved better"

"Love-?" he called softly, his voice nearly breaking. "What do you mean you know what it's like to have everyone turn against you?"

As you maintained the eye contact, you felt tears prickle, "I know it wasn't fair of me to keep my past a secret, but-"

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to-" he said softly, his eyes warm. The pain was readable on his features, he hated how your whole demeanour changed.

"It's not that I don't want you to know, it's just that I hate talking about it. Gives me nightmares."

"Then we can just drop it" Bucky murmured, gathering you closer.

"I wish you could know without me telling you" you laughed, "You make everything better and easier. I should've told you, I know. It isn't fair to you. We've been together for almost two years but as far as you're concerned I didn't exist until I joined the avengers. I don't even know how much they know. We never talked about it"

"Love, listen to me. I'm here whenever you want to talk about it. You didn't do anything wrong. There are a lot of things about me that you don't know either. We're not those people anymore. No one can blame us for trying to escape out past"

"Yeah, you're right" you sighed.

Gathering your power, you pushed yourself up and settled beside him, with your legs crossed. You grabbed his hand pulling it into your lap, and intertwined your fingers with his as you spoke.

"Forget the official story, there's no truth to it anyway"

"I really didn't believe your mum was a criminal and that you were in a mental asylum" he joked.

"Good-" you smiled, his words lifting the atmosphere a bit. "Truth is, I don't know anything about my parents. But I have my assumptions. I grew up in that soviet facility so I never met them. I was told it was owned by a group of socialite scientists who wanted our help"

"Our? Who's we?"

"There were 7 of us"

"Did they have the same power as you?"

"Approximately. When we were younger, we used to comply and do everything we were told but as we grew up, things started to change. We weren't happy. Who could be? Considering we were being held in cells and studied like lab rats. We started to act differently and some might even say we tried to rebel, but that didn't work obviously, and that's when the restrictions began. For the last 3 years I spent there, there hadn't been a day where the temperature passed 0°C." 

Your skin crawled as you recaled the endless nights you spent shivering your way to sleep. Everything around you was ice cold. But it wasn't for the sole purpose of torturing you. It was your only weakness. As the temperature dropped, so did the movement of the atoms that made up your body - eliminating your powers to the point where you were barely alive. 

"One day, as spring came, we wanted to break out. We made a plan, and figured that as soon as we were out, we'd be fine. We were wrong. We were off about the weather and they got us before we even exited the perimeter. That's when the avengers heard about us."

By now, Bucky's eyes were wide with genuine curiosity, his mouth agape as he took in the information you provided. With every word you spoke his grip tightened around your fingers and his eyebrows gathered even further. There was discomfort and anger in his features, but he didn't interrupt you once.

"After that, the restrictions got tougher. We realised there was no way out. A lot of things came together in that small time frame. I realised what that place actually was days after we tried to escape. My friends - or that's what I thought they were, figured out another plan. Why fight when you can just eliminate the premise?"

Bucky moved his lips but no words came out. He cleaned his throat and sat up a bit, "What- what do you mean?"

"They tried to kill me" you said, plastering a sympathetic smile on your lips, hoping it would make it easier for him to hear.

"What the fuck. Why?"

"I think my dad used to be part of that team. And I think he made me the way I am. Now I don't know why he wasn't around anymore, but that team wasn't trying to get us to do anything. They were trying to make more of me. So if I was dead-"

"There would be no reason to keep the other kids…" Bucky finished the sentence for you.

You nodded.

"And what happened?"

You bowed your head trying to find a way to put your words together. Bucky didn't rush you, just reassuringly rubbed his thumb across your knuckles, waiting. When a tear from your cheek slipped and landed on the back of his hand, you looked up and took a deep breath. "I killed them. All of them."

He didn't say anything. Didn’t move a muscle, as he waited for you to continue. 

"I didn't even want to do that, Buck" you sobbed, breaking down. "I killed over 20 people because I was afraid. I didn't even move. I was in the corner of my room the whole time, but everyone who approached me was fried to death. I don't even know how I did that. I was just scared"

"Oh, baby" Bucky cooed, pushing himself up to wrap his arms around you. You fell against his chest, crumbling in his embrace. "I hope you know that was not your fault, ok?" he asked, rubbing your back. "You were just a kid, alone and afraid. It breaks my fucking heart, those bastards. Please don't feel sorry for them"

"I feel sorry for the other kids"

"They tried to kill you, Y/n" Bucky countered, "If you hadn't killed them, I would've gone after them. All of them"

"They were desperate..."

"So were you!"

"I can't help but feel like a monster sometimes, you know? Like I'm reckless and out of control. There are times when I'm all happy and excited about what tomorrow would bring, and then i remember what I did, and I have a hard time fighting away the thoughts that try to tell me I don't deserve that"

"What you deserve is the fucking world ok?" Bucky said, tilting your chin so you could see just how serious he was. "This past couple of years, you saved hundreds of lives and I know for a fact you did it out of the pure kindness of your heart, not because you wanted to make up for anything in the past. You're a fucking angel. You're the embodiment of good, you hear me? I know you. You'll never understand how much respect I have for you, and how in awe I am with the kind of person you are. Please, don't ever think less of yourself. Ever, ok?"

Tears rolled down your cheeks as his words proved to be much more than you were able to hear at that moment. "Thanks, Buck. That's sweet of you to say-"

"It's not sweet of me to say, it's the fucking truth" he scoffed, but he somehow managed to make it sound loving. "You didn't even fucking try, but just being around you made me feel like a person again. You're amazing, Y/n. We're all lucky to have you. I'm lucky to have you."

"You're gonna make me cry" you sniffled, curling yourself into a ball against his chest, "I know you were in a dark place when we met. I'm glad I managed to help you through it"

"You pulled me through it" he sighed, tightening his hold around you. "I went from wanting to die, to thinking that I didn't even deserve the easy way out. Look at me now."

"Buck, stop"

"I love you so fucking much" Bucky laughed. 

His whole frame shook as he pulled you back down, safely holding you between his arms, "You're amazing" he added, kissing the top of your head, "Perfect"

"I said, stop" you chuckled, slapping his side, "I get it, you like me, can we-"

"I adore you" Bucky cut you off after grabbing the sides of your face between his palms. "And thanks for trusting me. I know it wasn't easy for you to talk about your past, so thank you. I'm always here for you. If there's anything ever, I got you, ok? Forever"

"I got you too" you added, kissing his cheek and then moving along his jawline, "No matter what happens, you'll always have me on your side. I'm all yours, Bucky"

"Yeah, you are, doll. All mine"

After that talk, how you managed to fall into a deep sleep will always remain a mystery. Nightmares didn't make their way into your mind, and you settled for a dreamless slumber, actually fully content for the first time in a long while.

But not everybody processed grief the same way. And if Bucky mentioned earlier that he was lucky to have you, as you were pulled out of your sleep, you realised that he wasn't as lucky as you were when it came to the mysteries that creep up on you when you least expect them.

-

"Wake up sunshine"

The sound reached your ears, but it wasn't Bucky's voice, so you just groaned in response and rolled over to the other side, completely pressing your face into the pillow.

"Buttercup, it's time to wake up"

The voice seemed uneasy, as if the person speaking was actually terrified. You opened your eyes wearily, and were met with the usual, complete darkness of your room. 

"Come on, Y/n" they spoke again. You turned to see one of Tony's maintenance robots hovering above your body, one small screen lit up on its front. Blinking a few times to rid yourself of the sleep still lingering in your eyes, you managed to make out the faces of Tony and Steve, both staring at you.

"What's going on?" you mumbled.

"You've got incoming," Tony announced, and then shook his head at whatever someone next to him had said. The microphone wasn't performant enough for you to hear what the other person said, but it was not like you cared.

"Incoming what?" you questioned, still confused out of your mind.

He turned his attention back to you, "The asshole"

You frowned and Steve scoffed, "Y/n, it's Bucky. He's not well"

"Wh-" you mumbled, your head snapping to the side, only then realising his side of the bed was empty. You shuffled your arm around the sheets, still warm. "What- what happened?"

"He's gone rogue, Y/n" Steve announced, genuine worry and guilt audible in his voice, "You need to make sure he doesn't leave. You need to stop him"

Tony's workstation. You needed to get the shackles off your arms if you wanted to stand a chance, "Tony? How do I take these off?" you asked, pointing to your cuffs.

"Already taken care off" he nodded, "Get to my desk, it's unlocked. All you need to do is actually get there. If you can"

"If I can-?" you began asking, but a loud explosion sound cut you off, causing the bed to shake as a wind blew through your room. "What the fuck!?"

"He may have found the grenade launchers" Tony smiled bitterly.

"Y/n," Steve called for you, "Please, be careful. And call us. Me and Nat will take the jet but I don't know-"

"Don't worry" you shook your head, jumping off the bed and rushing to your closet. You chose the first clothes you saw laying before your eyes and put them on, ready to go look for Bucky. "I got this, I promise"

"Oh, and Y/n?" Tony said, making you turn to him at the last minute, "Try not to fry my tower"

You nodded and refrained from making any promises you didn't know you could keep. 

As soon as you walked out the door, the sound of automatic rifles going off became deafening. Stepping over piles of broken glass, you made your way to the emergency staircase, heading to Tony's lab. You did so with maximal caution, knowing that if you were spotted, there would be no going back.

Descending the last remaining flight of stairs until his work station, a rush of adrenaline surged through you, knowing just how close you were. Silently rounding the corner, your eyes landed on Bucky's frame, easily holding one of the remaining SHIELD agents up by the neck.

He turned to look at you, eyes cold and empty. Not even rage. There was nothing there. No expression, no empathy, no feeling. It was as if he was dead. This wasn't him. 

"Buck-" you panted, raising your hands up in the air, signaling surrender. You eyed Tony's desk, determined to stall him until you managed to free yourself of the cuffs.

You took a cautious step to the side, hands still up in the air. Bucky watched you as the man struggled against his hold, legs spasming uncontrollably as he kicked and squirmed, even though it was so clearly in vain.

"Don’t mind me-" you smiled, sweat flooding your pores as you slowly approached your destination. "I'll just-"

"You'll just what-?" Bucky groaned, flinging his victim with impeccable ease. The agent's body flew across the room, crushing into the only device that had the power to help you get through this. As the work station crumpled under his weight, so did your hopes of getting out of this. 

"Bucky, hey-" you mumbled, afraid of pissing him off, "I-"

"Who the hell is Bucky?" he frowned, starting to march towards you. Your blood ran cold, knowing you didn't have what it took to keep up with him. You were never able to dodge anyone's blows, let alone his. When he reached you, his hand instantly reached around your neck, lifting you off the floor, "SHIELD?" he asked after taking a look at your attire. Although not carrying the emblem, it was probably the only explanation that made sense to him.

"Well, um-" you huffed, holding onto his wrist in hopes of not running out air, "No, not SHIELD"

"Then who are you?" he growled, tightening his hold on your windpipe.

"Fuck-" you gasped, kicking your legs, even through he didn't even flinch when you hit him. "You're not gonna believe this but, um-"

"Try me"

You looked into his eyes, hoping it would serve as some kind of a memento, that maybe he'd remember you. "You know me, Buck. It's Y/n, I'm- your girlfriend?"

Even saying it made you feel weird. This killing machine, apparently hell bent on wrecking havoc, was not the man you loved, and you cringed just imagining his reaction to hearing your words.

And it did turn out to be worse than expected, as he spun around, doing a complete 180° with your body before slamming you down on the floor. The wood cracked under your bones, knocking the wind out of you. The pain of the impact was excruciating, propagating along your body in waves of some physical agony you had never felt before. The sound of your bones cracking made you sick to your stomach. Your ears caught the sound of your arteries being torn as your organs collapsed.

And if you felt every inch of your body being shattered and destroyed, it was God's way of making you pay for your parent's mistakes, as when your wounds healed mere seconds later, the pain did not go away. Your nerve receptors still registered damage to the tissues, and no matter whether you were actually as good as new, your brain couldn't process that.

What consumed you the most was the fact that as you struggled to stand up, the pain of broken limbs lingered on. But you fought through it, gathered yourself and stood up, facing him again.

You winced with every muscle contraction, but eventually your eyes met his. He showed curiosity, along with something else. Something else which you wished wasn't determination to finish you.

"Can we-" you whimpered, extending a hand, "Can we talk?"

"Talk!?" Bucky raged, grabbing your wrist and twisting your arm to the point where he spun you around, your back pressing against his chest. "Not here to talk" he growled into your ear.

The hairs on your body stood as you heard his voice. Even though it was technically the same voice you loved more than anything in the world, it made you now shiver with a fear you've never experienced before. 

You didn't get a chance to sink too deep in your thoughts before Bucky raised your arm, dislocating your shoulder and busting your humerus into pieces. The pain cut your legs at the knees and you screamed in agony, falling to the floor at his feet.

"Stand up" he commanded, slamming his foot into your side. The momentum made your body roll away, until you settled back on the ground, face deep in the rubble. Your muscles pulled you to your feet with ease, but the pain coursing through you was immense, nowhere near close to what you thought bearable. You felt the skin being ripped from your body and when you looked down, your clothes were torn, soaked in blood, but your skin was intact. It was what you needed to keep going - to get inside your head the fact that you were fine, because at this point, the pain was one bruise away from making you faint.

"Bucky, please-" you cried.

"Stop calling me Bucky!" he yelled, starting to approach you again.

With every step he took, you slowly backed away. "Please, listen to me, just a second, please!"

He shook his head no, a demented smile on his lips as he closed in on you.

"Bucky-"

As a reply to your question, his fist flew up, slamming into your jaw, hard enough to throw you to the ground, "Why do you keep calling me-"

"What else do you want me to call you, huh?" you yelled at him, vision blurred under too many layers of tears. "Tell me, and I'll do it if it'll get you to listen to me."

"I don't want you to call me anything-" he cocked his head to the side, unstrapping a handgun from his thigh. He loaded it as you barely managed to crawl away, "You can take the pain. I respect that. Let's see how well you do with these lead bullets"

You saw them in slow motion, barely managing to duck your head behind the remains of what once was a heavy wooden bookshelf. The bullets missed your chest and face, but you saw them, felt them penetrate your skin, ripping through your muscles. 

The sound of your tissues being pulled to shreds made you feel sick to your stomach. As the bullets left your body, your wounds closed back up, leaving you a crying mess on the floor. Your throat constricted due to the wave of shock that hit your body, and your lungs started hyperventilating. Lightheaded and gasping for air, you struggled to crawl away from him, tears marching down your face and ending up on the floor, nothing but diluting the droplets of blood that had fallen from your body mere minutes before. Your heart was in overdrive and your vision blurred as every fiber of your being threatened to let you down. "Please-" you screamed, your voice breaking as you raised your hand for him, "Let's talk, please. That's all I want. Give me a minute"

But he didn't. He didn't even consider it. Instead, the force that controlled the body of the only man that ever managed to make you feel safe, tortured, destroyed and consumed your body for what felt like the better part of an eternity.

You had been thrown through walls, shattered windows, had glass shards lodged into your body from all angles. He unloaded cannon after cannon on you, used up all the ammo he had on him, only growing more and more annoyed when you refused to give up.

There was no way to know how much time had passed. Now you were standing by the window, inches away from the spot where two nights ago, you and Bucky clicked your glasses, smiling at how far you both had come. He laughed, saying he wouldn't have made it without you. And then he kissed you, confessing that the thought that maybe you couldn't have made it without him either, was what kept him going. 

And then there you were. 48 hours later, again, just the two of you. But now there weren't any champagne glasses between you, just his metal arm, wrapped around your neck, this time, as he said, for the last time.

"I don't get it-" he scowled, teeth gritted and frustration in his voice, "Why don't you fight me?"

"I can't fight you" you whimpered as your tears poured down against his cold hand, "And even if I could, I wouldn't."

"WHY?" Bucky screamed, and for a second, you thought you saw a crack there, a glister of emotion hidden deep in his otherwise beautiful eyes.

"Because I love you" you cried.

But there was none. He rolled his eyes and pushed you back, your body slamming into the window. You should've thought faster, been more witty and considerate, but terror washed over you and in the heat of the moment, you grabbed onto him for dear life, pulling him down with you, plummeting to the ground from what looked like the 70th floor of the Stark Tower. 

If until now you had been afraid of what you'd have to endure, it was now that you met true terror. You'd survive the fall, but he wouldn't. 

Even in the air, approaching the ground at a dangerous speed, he kept fighting you. Even in this state, you admired his determination - he had a job and wanted to get it done - even if that job was killing you. A man of his word.

By now, the pain was unnoticeable. If you wanted to keep him alive you had to act fast. Clinging to his body despite his vicious protests and ruthless blows, you used your momentum to turn the two of you around. And you did so at the last second, as before you knew it, your bodies crashed into the boulevard below, sinking down into the asphalt as it crumpled under your weight. 

The impact cut your breath away and there was a gnawing feeling all over your body, as if you had blades under your skin, pulling your body apart fiber by fiber. But you snapped out of it.

"Bucky!" you yelled, slapping his cheek.

He had fallen completely on top of you, his head pressed against your chest. He didn't move and the continuous buzz in your ears made it physically impossible for you to tell whether he was breathing for not.

"Bucky, please-" you cried, trying to move him so you could see his face. 

Nothing.

"No, no, no!!" you screamed, "You can't die, baby, please! Not like this, love. Please come back to me, Buck, I'm begging you!!"

You remained there and wailed, with him glued to your chest. Your arms had wrapped around his motionless frame, keeping him as close as you could. Nothing could have gotten you to stop. Tens of people gathered around the crater your fall created around your bodies, police showed up, cameras were pointed at your faces, but you didn't care. If he died, so would you. 

"You're all I have, baby-" you muttered, voice hoarse and dry from all the wailing and crying, "Please, you can't leave me. This can't be the end of us. Please, I don't know what to do, Bucky, please!"

You were soaked. In blood, and you didn't even know whether it was his or yours. God, how you hoped it all belonged to you, how the pool of blood you laid in was all yours. Tears soaked your face, pouring down your temples as your whole frame shook with your sobs, that was the true agony. You'd rather spend the rest of your days fighting for your life if it meant he got to see the sun again. You wished he'd hate you, rather than not feel anything at all ever again.

"Please-" you said again but this time your voice didn't even reach your own ears, you didn't hold that power anymore, "Please, you need to come back! You deserve so much better than this. You're the best man I have even known, you can't die like this, not today, Bucky. Not today!"

By now, the people around you had scattered. They knew your identities and for all the wrong reasons, feared you both. You were grateful for that now, you were alone with him again, as the sun began to set and a chilly New York night began to settle. 

Still, you didn't move. You still had faith. Or you were just stubborn. There was no way you'd pull away until someone either pried him off of you against your will, or someone that you trusted showed up promising they'd help.

None of them came, and you remained there, cradling his frame to your chest begging whatever God was listening, to bring him back. You didn't know if one of them heard you, or if it was just blind luck or fate, but you only realised his metal arm was lodged under your body when he moved it.

"Buck!" you cried, cupping his cheeks in your bloodied palms as literal life cursed through your veins. "Oh god, you're ok, you're alive!! You came back to me!"

You managed to hug him close one more time, before he pushed himself off of you. In the process of standing up, his eyes met yours for the briefest second. Again, nothing.

He gathered himself to his feet, wordlessly bending down to grab your hair. He forced you up and you instantly obliged, following him back into the building.

Once inside, he knocked you through a glass door, your body once again absorbing his fury. The pain had dissipated into a dull ache, and this time, you stood up faster. "I can do this all day" you sighed, the lie slipping past your lips with such ease, as if the energy inside your core wasn't running dangerously low.

"What did you just say?" he questioned.

He seemed taken aback, "I said that I can do this all day"

"Who are you?" Bucky yelled, marching towards you, determined to get answers out of you through nothing else but brute force. He slammed you back onto the floor, only to straddle your thighs and pick you up by the collar of your shit. "Why won't you just fucking die!?"

Circling your fingers around his wrists, you searched for his eyes, "Wanna know what keeps me alive?"

"Are you stupid enough to tell me?"

"I might be" you shook your head, "but I'll still tell you"

"Why?"

"Because I know you won't kill me" you cried, "I know you know me. I know you're in there somewhere. The man I love. I know you don't have it in you to kill me"

"Try me" he laughed, drunk with the power you were so willing to give him.

"These-" you panted, raising your arms in the air to show him your cuffs, "These are what's been keeping me alive but I know you won't-"

But you never finished the sentence. He didn't even think twice before ripping them off your arms and throwing them onto the floor, along with all the other mess you two had made.

You never thought he'd actually spare you. So it wasn't a surprise when the first thing he did after freeing you, was reach for his knife with the sole purpose of driving it through your chest.

But you were faster. You framed his face into your palms, releasing the energy from your body and allowing it to flow through his. It felt weird, wrong and chaotic, and the power surge wiggled itself out of your control, until a blast between your bodies sent you both flying back across the room, falling down onto the floor.

And this time none of you stood up.

-

"I leave them alone for what, a day?" Tony sighed, walking out of his Iron Man suit. 

"Holy shit!" Steve cried out, his knees betraying him as he tried to rush to you.

"No, wait!" Nat stopped him, "You can't wake them up until we get them somewhere safe. We need to make new cuffs for Y/n, and find a way to keep Bucky contained in case, you know… he's still not Bucky"

Steve was fuming with anger, nostrils flaring, "These are my friends you're talking about!" he exclaimed, pointing to your bodies on the floor, "Your friends too, Nat. You see them like this and the first thing you think about is restraining them!?"

"We need to make sure we're all safe" she sighed with sympathy, grabbing his hand for a comforting rub.

"You make sure you're safe-" Steve scoffed, "I'll make sure they're alive"

"Hey-" Nat stopped him, "If you touch her and startle her in any way, you die!"

Her words hurt him but he knew you never would. Steve felt his heart shutter just imaging what you must have gone through. He was ablaze with pure determination to prove Nat wrong, and to do right by you and Buck. "I carried her in my arms while she was passed out when we rescued her from that facility-" he fummed, pointing at you, "She never knew a man that didn't try to hurt her before. And when she woke up, she was afraid. Scared for her life. She cried in my arms and begged me to not let them take her again! She was never anywhere close to hurting me! She's good. So good. There's only good inside of her, I trust her to not hurt me more than I trust myself, ok? If I'm wrong, so be it. I die. I don't care. She deserves someone to look after her. If I had to chose, saving her would be the way I'd want to go"

His rant left Nat speechless. She just gave him a simple nod and stepped back. 

Carefully, he picked you up and carried you upstairs, as Tony put his suit back on and carried Bucky.

-

Never in your life had you woken up this fast. Your eyes snapped open and you sprung to your feet. 3 pairs of anxious eyes watched you, all of them ready to jump into action in case the situation called for an intervention.

"What-" you gawked, scanning the room, "Where is Bucky? Is he- is-"

"He's fine, Y/n" Steve assured you. He stood up and slowly approached you, arms outstretched. Your first instinct was to go for it, but when you reached him, you placed both your hands in his, and looked up at him with teary eyes.

"Are you sure?" you whimpered, "Can I see him?"

Sympathy took over his features, but Tony jumped in, "Absolutely not"

"What-" you turned to him, "Why? Did I-?"

"You didn't do anything wrong" Steve hummed, engulfing you in a hug even though you remained stiff in your spot. He rubbed your back, eager to soothe your worried mind, but you were too out of it.

“Can I just go?” you whispered, pulling back just enough so that he could see how serious you were, “I need to see him, please”

“Are you mad at him?” Nat asked with caution and your face fell.

“No!” you gasped, stepping away from Steve’s embrace, “No, not even one bit. I know that was not him, I know it’s not his fault. But when Bucky wakes up-”

“If he wakes up-” Tony sneered, roaming around the room. He nursed a glass of whiskey, as a mixture of disgust and exhaustion was readable on his features. 

“When he wakes up!” you spoke through gritted teeth. Determination coated your words and the hairs on your body stood as you refused to even think of the alternative. “He will wake up. And I have to be there”

“What if the Winter Soldier wakes up?” Nat asked.

“That didn’t stop me last time”

“Oh, no!” Tony butted in, stepping in between you and Nat, arms outstretched, “You know I’m not one to cry after money, but you and your pal left me with $37 million worth of damage. You two are one broken cup away from getting thrown into the streets”

The sum he mentioned made the skin on your back crawl. You didn’t even have $37 dollars to your name, but it made sense. Your body alone crashed through three TV’s, one gamma ray projector and if you thought about it, you remembered Bucky pulling apart one of the Iron Legion robots, and only the thought made you flinch. 

“So-” Tony said, “You two? Never in the same room again!”

“Take these off then” you suggested, pointing at the cuff on your wrists.

“Ha” Tony exclaimed, “A big chunk of that money comes from you frying all my electronics up until the 12th floor. Absolutely not”

“Tony, I’m serious” you whined, “He will hate himself. I need to be there! I need to make sure he doesn’t take all the blame on his shoulders”

He frowned, and sighed. He wasn’t an unreasonable man, and you hoped that core deep inside his chest really made up for a heart. And… it did. None of them were happy about it, but they finally accepted. Nat and Tony would have never probably given up if it wasn’t for Steve - right now, like so many times before, he really did seem like your guardian angel.

They ended up monitoring the room, and Tony waited for your signal, one hand on his cigarette, the other on the Iron Man suit. He was all talk - if anything was to go down and you would actually be in danger again, he wouldn’t even think twice before tearing his towers into pieces if it meant he could get you out alive.

And so you left, thanked them in the form of a simple nod, and headed down the dark hallways.

Oh, how you hated this.

What consumed you now had nothing to do with the pain you had endured in the past 24 hours. Its source was not physical, yet your whole body ached. You felt the weight of the world on your shoulders - and in some way, it was - Bucky was your whole world, and the fear of losing him breathed down your neck.

It had been about 20 minutes since you stopped in front of the door that led to the room he'd been confined in. When FRIDAY announced that Bucky woke up, you rushed over, only for a hazardous sense of anguish to stop you dead in your tracks. Judging by the way he sat in the corner of the room, his fingers aimlessly tracing every indentation in the handcuffs Tony had restrained him with, you had no problem telling which one of him woke up. He broke your heart. His room was equipped with 5 different cameras and 2 microphones. Completely unaware of them, he sat inches away from one, and your heart shattered, sinking 3 stories below when you heard him whimper.

It was soft and quiet. His whole frame shook as he wiped his nose with the back of his sleeve. He was hunched down, brown hair covering his perfect face, but still, his sadness brought you to tears. 

You heard him again. He sniffled as he laid back against the wall. His eyes were bloodshot, lips almost white and dry as his chest raced up and down. His muscles clenched and his feet bounced against the metal floor, it was a sight you never wished you see ever again. 

Softly, you raised a hand, and thought twice before finally knocking.

"Go away," Bucky called, voice all hoarse and dry as it broke halfway through.

You were able to see him on the small screen next to the door, but he had no idea who came to visit.

Out of instinct, you knocked again before typing in the password and ever so slowly walking inside.

Instantly, he looked up. He was surrounded by an air of darkness and despair, ever so obviously tormented to the peak of his capability.

He stared at you for a few seconds as his eyes watered, and then he gathered his lips into a straight line, shaking his head. "Please, go"

"Bucky, I-"

"Please" he cried, head falling forward as he toyed with the metal edges of his prosthetic arm. He shook his head, "Please, don't do this. Just, go"

You took a deep breath, only then entering the room far enough to actually be able to close the door behind you. Slowly turning back to him, your palms sweated as you had no idea what to say to him. 

"Can you talk to me, Buck? Please?"

He chuckled, "About what?" 

"About whatever it is you think you did wrong, I-"

As he heard your words, his hands instantly flew up to cover his face. He was, however, stopped, as the cuffs on his left wrist kept him from moving too much. While a new row of tears flooded his cheeks, his eyes met yours, "Look at me.. I need to be restrained while you're alone with me"

"Those cuffs would literally do nothing to stop you from escaping, and you know it"

"Maybe it's just a sense of reassurance"

"To who?" you scoffed.

"To them" Bucky responded, nodding his head towards one of the cameras. "I'm a monster" he added, wiggling his cuff restrained hand, "I'm a danger to everyone"

"Oh for fucks sake" you rolled your eyes, marching up to him. With absolutely no remorse, you grabbed his hand and harshly pulled apart the metal that had him restrained to the bed. Before he got a chance to say anything, you bent down, unclipped the microphone from the foot of the bed, threw it on the floor, and stepped on it, until it was nothing but a small pile of shattered plastic.

And you kept going, destroying the second microphone along with the 5 cameras on the walls as Bucky watched you with surprise. You finished by going for the door and locking it from the inside. "You think I'm afraid of you?" you asked softly, "For 6 hours you did your best to kill me and failed miserably. Look at me, I'm unscathed"

"Did you hear yourself?" he cringed, shaking his head, "I tried to kill you"

"Ok, I know I said that you did your best-" you said, mentally scolding yourself for the error in communication. "We both know that wasn't you. That wasn't you, Buck. It was Hydra. It was the winter soldier, not you. My Bucky would never-"

"Y/n-" he stopped you, "I know you don't see things the way I do-"

"But I see them the right way"

"Listen-" Bucky sighed, driving his hands through his hair. For the first time that night you actually saw his full face, his cheek and signature scowl, his blue eyes and the tilt of the corner of his mouth - your soul melted when you associated the picture with the words that came out of his mouth. "I can't blame you for being here. I can't. If the roles were reversed, I'd be doing the exact same thing. But, holy fuck-" he sighed, pausing to gather his thoughts. Bucky looked you up and down. His lips quivered and his head fell to the side as a sad smile appeared on his lips. "Remember this morning? How we talked about our hypothetical child?" he laughed and shook his head, "Even if I know we could never have a kid because we're both sterile, it was still the most beautiful thought that ever crossed my mind, Y/n''

"Mine too, Buck-"

"And what did I do?" he dismissed your empathy, "Two hours later I was unloading an AK-47 into your stomach, like the brainwashed maniac that I am!"

"Don’t say that!" you exclaimed, "Don't you dare think about things like this!"

"Why wouldn't I?" he threw his hands up in the air, "What does it matter whose fault it is? I get to live with the consequences."

"But-" you breathed out, "We can work through this. You did it before. You can't let something that hydra did dictate your life, Bucky. You deserve so much better. You deserve to be happy!"

"I tried to kill you!" he screamed, for the first time losing his calm and standing up to be at the same level as you.

"That was not you!"

"So what?" he huffed, "I was there, Y/n! I will never, NEVER get the feeling of crushing your bones out of my head! I felt your neck snap! I choked you with my arms! That is not something I can live with! I can't live a life by your side if every time I look at you I'm reminded of those horrible things I did to you!"

"Buck-" you cried, looking at him from behind too many layers of unshed tears, "Please, don't say that"

"I'm sorry" he responded in the same fashion, his pain coating every word he said. "When I close my eyes I see you laying in a puddle of blood. I can't stop hearing your screams of agony. Agony that no matter how you put it, was caused by my hands. That's not something we can live with, Y/n. You were not made for this. You really do fucking deserve someone that won't wake up one day and try to murder you in cold blood"

"And what do you deserve, Buck?" you quietly asked, searching for his eyes, "To live your life alone? Forever? If you had been with anyone else, this would have turned out so much worse. That cute barista three blocks down that always scribbles a heart on your coffee cup? She's cute, yeah. You deserve to be loved by someone, but if that someone was her, you wouldn't be drowning in guilt right now, Bucky, you'd be mourning her. Yes, you got troubles. Yes, you've got a past more fucked up than anyone else I have ever heard about. That's the kind of shit you can't change. But whatever you do from now on, is in your fucking hands and yours alone. Don't try to tell me you're not worthy of having someone, because that's the fattest load of crap I've ever heard. You're a good man! With a fucked up past! And a dark side that you need to fight! And you have me! I don't care you dropped Tony's piano on my legs, apparently I can take it! I'm here for you no matter what! You don't want to be with me anymore? Fine. But don't you dare push me away, thinking that a ruined future makes up for a ruined past"

"Who's to say I won't try it again?" he asked, "I don't know what triggered the transition. But what if once a week I end up trying to kill you-"

"Apparently you can't!" you laughed bitterly.

"Ok, so I can't" he nodded in approval, "Is that what you want? I should be your rock, your best friend, I should always be there for you. Do you want to have your whole world turned upside down whenever my brain decides to go berserk?"

"See, Buck" you sighed, "Of course I don't want that. I can't fucking stand here and tell you that I do. What kind of credibility would I have then? But you know what I want? You. You and whatever nazi shit that comes along. I want you. To help you. To have you with me. To see you everyday. If every Saturday at 10am you decide you want to kill me, you best believe I'm sacrificing my morning coffee just so we can kung fu around the living room"

He looked at you for a long second, the corners of his lips fighting a hard battle against the hint of a smile that started to show on his features. Eventually he caved and chuckled, shaking his head, "That was a bit funny"

"And fucking true," you cried, going for his hands and bringing them up to your chest. He winced, but you spoke up again, determined to not let his mind torture him.

"I love you, Bucky"

"How do you not hate me?" he choked, shaking his head in disbelief. "Can you seriously look at me and not get even the slightest instinct to run away?"

"Bucky..." you breathed out, cupping his cheek. "How could I run away when I've never seen you in more pain than right now?"

"You're an angel, you know that?" 

"I've been called a lot of things" you giggled, "Angel isn't one of them, but if that's what you want, I'll take it"

"Come here" he whispered, wrapping his arms around your frame. He had you nuzzle against his chest, his hold keeping you tight and secure. His heart beat against your cheek and your eyes watered again. There wasn't one thing in the world you wouldn't do for that heart - to make sure it keeps beating, and that it keeps the man you love alive. And content, above all. All you wanted right now was for him to accept the things that happened. You wanted to take whatever weight he was carrying on his shoulders, and put it upon yourself. "I love you so much, Bucky" you cried against his chest as your hold tightened around him, "I hate to see you torn like this. I don't want anything to ever happen to you. It terrifies me. I love you with all that I am. There's nothing I wouldn't do for you. You deserve the world, baby"

"So do you" he whispered, kissing the top of your head.

You felt his chest shake, a deep rumble echoed from the depths of his lungs. You looked up to see him fight back a sob, his eyes wide open, glossy and red, trained down on you, "I love you too much to do this, Y/n. I'm sorry, I don't think I can"

"No!" you gasped, pressing your face back against his shoulder, "Don't do that. You can't do that. No"

"We won't work, Y/n" Bucky said as he brought you even closer, "I can't look at you anymore. I can't look at you without dying inside. You don't want to live with me like that"

"Yes, I do!" you sobbed. "I'll work with anything you give me, I swear there is nothing more I want. Just you. Just you and me. Bucky, please don't do this"

He held you close for what felt like half a second, but rationally speaking, your legs were getting numb. You just stood there, clinging to his body, taking in his scent and listening to his breathing even out until he pushed you away. Oh, how you didn't want to let go. Ever. But you did, and choked back a sob as soon as you felt the cold air of the room brush against the part of your body that had been pressed to his.

"We should get some sleep, Y/n"

"Are you coming with me?" you whimpered, afraid of the answer he might give you.

Bucky shook his head, "I think I'll just sleep here tonight"

That broke you. The shock and terror cut your breath away. It felt impossible - the feeling of losing him. The amount of pain that surged through you. At that particular moment, you felt like cracking your chest open to grip your heart into your hand and pick apart the broken parts. But not even that felt good enough, you were fairly sure you'd be left with nothing. It felt like a slap across your cheek, like a cloth had been placed over your mouth and your legs cut at the knees. It felt like the end. 

Optimistic by nature, not even you could deny the reason he wanted to sleep alone. It was clear as day.

"If-" you mumbled, tears coating your face at their own free will, voice shaking as you barely managed to articulate the words over the violent sobs that ripped their way out of your throat. "If I promise to not do anything to try and convince you to stay… can you promise me that in case you decide to leave, you'll come and tell me first?"

"Oh, doll" Bucky broke down all over again, throwing himself at you again. He collapsed on top of you, molding his body around yours. "I promise, angel"

You just nodded. That was all you could do. It took another few moments for you to gather yourself and stop wailing, but you did, and then, with nothing else other than a sad smile, you left. 

Your feet carried you to your room, and you were ready to collapse on top of your bed. Eager to cuddle into his pillows. They smelled like that shower gel you got him and you hated it. You wanted his scent. Not even caring how ridiculous it sounded, you padded over to the chair in the corner of your bedroom, the one Bucky uses to discard all his worn clothes. 

You wanted to find a shirt he wore, one that smelled exactly like you knew him, but before you reached the clothes pile, your attention was drawn to the window.

Steve was standing there, facing the busy streets outside, hands in his pocket and his head turned in your direction.

"I didn't see you, sorry" you gasped, as your eyes accommodated to the darkness.

"It's fine" he shook his head, "I just figured you'd turn on the lights, you know, like the normal people. Didn't think I'd scare you"

"Yeah, sorry" you sighed, plopping down on the edge of the bed. "I did even think about turning the lights on"

He didn't say anything, but you saw him nod. He knew your pain. He lost enough in his life, and seeing his best friend sink back into his darkness was surely not easy for him either.

"Is he ok?" Steve eventually asked.

You shook your head, "He's too good of a man to be ok"

"That is Bucky" he laughed, and you couldn't help but do the same. The irony.

Steve's curiosity was palpable in the room. Words could not describe the appreciation you had for him for respecting your boundaries and not pushing you in a moment like this. But he deserved to know.

You opened your mouth to explain to him what happened, but as your mind processed everything all over again, you broke down. "I think he's gonna leave-" you cried.

Steve was quick to gather you in his arms, engulfing you in a bear hug, helping you stand on your own two feet. "What do you mean?" he asked, concern tracing his tone.

"I understand him, I do. And I promised I won't try to get him to stay if he doesn't want to. But- but I should've done more, Steve. I should've shown him somehow how much I love him. But I'm afraid he'll leave, and I don't want to live-"

"Hey, hey, hey" Steve hurried to stop you, petting your head softly before urging you to look up at him. "Bucky loves you more than I ever thought possible, ok? There's no question about it. I'm sorry I'm doing this, but I think he'll postpone it anyway"

"What?"

"The man wants to marry you, ok?" Steve smiled, "He asked Tony if he had any work for him so he could raise money. Can you imagine how that went down? He was red like a tomato, but he didn't think twice. James Barnes used the computer to look for rings for you. The Bucky I know? Never would've done this. You brought to life a part of him that no one else has seen before. He loves you. With all that he is. And trust me when I tell you, he won't stand to be away from you. You're his whole world, Y/n. He's my best friend, trust me when I tell you this is something you'll work through. I'll help, we'll all help. You're not gonna lose him, Y/n. He's so beat up about all of this because he loves you this much. He's all yours. If he decides to leave, I need you to be strong because he will be back. I got him back 70 years later. You just need to trust him. Trust his heart, ok?"

"Oh my god" you cried, "I don't know what to say"

"Don’t say anything" he chuckled, "We've been through so much together. All of us. Even if we try, nothing pulls us apart, ok? How many times has Loki died, hm?"

"God, Steve!" you scoffed somewhat amused and pulled back just to hit him, "Did you seriously compare Bucky to Loki!?"

"It got you to smile, didn't it?" he laughed. "But I'm serious. You've both been through so much worse than this. You'll get through this one too. And in case you ever feel like you won't, I'm here, ok?"

"Ok…"

Funny as it all was, it worked. He calmed you down - to some extent. Gave you hope you didn't know existed. If it wasn't for Steve, you probably would have not been able to fall asleep. And even though dreams didn't visit you, and you never relaxed enough to actually get some rest, you just dozed off. All clothed and curled diagonally on the bed, you cuddled Bucky's pillow to your chest as your eyes slowly fell closed.

When you opened them again, it was still dark out. You had no idea what pulled you awake as you struggled to sit up on the bed, but then you heard Bucky's voice again, from the doorway.

"Y/n?"

“Buck?” you gasped, turning around. Only his silhouette was visible, head hung low and hands deep in his pockets. He was leaning against the doorway, silently awaiting your response.

Right then and there, you felt your world collapse. Steve’s monologue made you actually fucking believe things would be fine, but here he was, keeping his promise. In the buttcrack of night, he kept his word, bidding you a much feared farewell.

“Is-” you sobbed, jumping out of bed and rushing towards him. You almost knocked him off of his feet when you flung yourself at him, but he was quick to reciprocate, caging you between his arms. “Is this it? You’re leaving?”

He didn’t say anything which frankly made everything worse. You broke down even further, clinging to his shirt as if it was the only source of oxygen keeping you alive - it sure felt like it.

“Look at me” Bucky urged you, tilting your chin up, “Please?”

You slowly lifted your head, your eyes meeting his.

“I’m sorry, I will make it up to you” he whispered, a frown settling above his tired eyes, “You’ll see”

“What does that even mean?" you questioned, tired and sick of this ongoing conflict that should not even have been an issue to begin with. "You don't have to make up for anything"

"I know you see things like that" he cooed, rubbing his thumb along your cheekbone. He spoke softly, his breath fanning against your skin, somehow, even in this situation, managing to calm you down. "But you can understand me too, right?"

"I don't want to" you shrugged, "I don't care. Why does it matter if I understand you or not if you're gonna leave anyway?"

"I'm not leaving, doll"

"What!?" you beamed, pulling away from his hold and grabbing his face in your palms, "You're not- but you're-"

His whole frame softened, "I'm not here to say goodbye, Y/n. I'm not going anywhere"

"Oh god" you gasped.

"Come on, come here" Bucky chuckled softly, bringing you back into his hold, "I'm staying here. I'm sorry for everything I put you through. You're the most badass woman I know and I managed to break you"

"I love you, Buck" 

"I love you more, Y/n" he sighed, "I'll make everything right, I promise"

"Oh, fuck" you breathed out relieved, "Just do whatever you want, I don't care. You're here. That's all that matters."

"And we also need to teach you to fight-" he added, "For real. And find a way for you to take those goddamn shackles off in case this happens again"

"Tony won't be too happy about it" you laughed.

"Fuck if I care-" Bucky said strenly, pointing at you, "Next time, you need to be able to stop me. And fast"

"Maybe it won't happen again"

"Maybe not" Bucky nodded, "But if it does, we need to be ready"

"Thank you" you said, "I know I didn't play this right. I know I literally dismissed everything that you must have gone through today. I'm sorry"

"You don't get to be sorry" Bucky stopped you, "Not after-"

"Then you don't get to, either!"

"Meh" he shrugged, "We'll see"

"Bucky!"

"I love you" he laughed, bending down to pick you up. He planted his hands on the back of your thighs, picking you up with ease and walking you over to the bed. You plopped back against the fluffy mattress with a huff, and giggled as he crawled his way on top of you. Instantly, his lips met yours. It was exhilarating, the kind that made your chest ache. You moaned against his lips as love transpired through his touch. It was overwhelming and the first happy tears of the day streamed down your temples as you arched yourself against him.

"I'm so weak for you, fuck" Bucky groaned, his right arm reaching around your back and pressing you against his chest. "You're everything" he added as he kissed his way along your neck, "I'm all yours forever, Y/n. I love you too much"

"I'm here, baby" you moaned, hiding your face into his shoulder, "You're mine, Bucky. All mine."

His lips didn't leave your body as he pushed himself up just enough to be able to reach the buckle of his jeans. The sound made your core ache, and your mouth watered.

There was no patience in his movements. He barely pulled his jeans down to his knees before ridding you of your pajama pants. He lodged himself between your thighs, his mouth instantly back on yours again.

"Come on" you panted, steading your arms against his strong back. Your legs found their way around his frame, ready to pull him closer.

When Bucky guided his hands between your bodies to align the tip of his cock with your opening, you whimpered in anticipation. Agonisingly slow, he trailed his tip along your folds before reaching your clit. With a blissful moan, he reached further up, tapping his cock against your bare cunt a couple of times before returning his attention back to you. 

"I got you, baby" he hummed, pecking your lips. "You ready? Is this ok?"

With eagerness, you nodded and wiggled under his weight, your pussy aching for him. "Yes, yes"

When you felt his cock push past your folds, you moaned out loud, your voice cracking with the pure pleasure that took over your being.

He eased himself in, going all the way until he all but knocked the breath out of you, and he stopped. Bucky reached down to kiss you again, his cock motionless, balls deep inside of you.

He bit down on your lip and you giggled.

"Felt your pussy clench around me, doll" he laughed, "You're good to me"

"You may be all mine, Buck, but I'm all yours too"

"Holy shit" he panted, shaking his head in disbelief. It was as if you weren't real. He'd have pinched himself, but if this was a dream, he really did not want to wake up. So he kept going.

Nibbling at the skin of your neck, he started to pull himself out of you. The slow pace was driving you insane. Your need grew so strong you felt everything. His breath, the way his hair tickled your chin, his strong around around your shoulders, his massive thighs rubbing against yours, every small vein along his cock that drove you closer and closer to the sweetest bliss you had ever known. 

He got you all worked up at an agonisingly slow pace, before his thrusts became more and more aggravated. You moaned with each thrust despite your struggles to keep quiet.

"You know how much I love hearing you, doll" Bucky shook his head as he drove himself back inside of you all the way, "Moan for me"

"Fuck, ok" you gasped, and closed your eyes as you started to fall apart. You gripped the bed sheets into your hands and pulled as he kept fucking you, deep and hard.

"You're so good, baby" he groaned, "So, so good for me"

He sunk his teeth into your shoulder, fervently sucking deep, maroon marks all ice your skin. Gutural grounds betrayed his air of self control as a plethora of curse words escaped his lips. "Taking me so fucking well. I can't keep going like this, you're too fucking tight-"

"Cum, baby" you encouraged, voice low and tender as you spoke against his ear, "Cum for me"

"Don’t have to tell me twice" he chuckled.

His thrusts started to become sloppy and irregular, as his eyes flew closed. You missed the blue of his eyes, but his mouth was slightly agape as he panted his way to an orgasm.

His chest heaved against yours, "How do you feel so fucking good?" Bucky cursed, eyes still closed as he barely managed to mumble his words between the numerous grunts of pleasure that forced their way out of his throat.

You gave him no answer, instead just clung to him tighter, "Fuck, Bucky, I'm close-"

"Come on" he encouraged, hurrying to rub your clit. His fingers found your bud in an instant, working experienced, familiar circles that almost drove you over the edge. "Cum with me, ok?"

You nodded, gathering your lips between your teeth. He kept fucking you, harder and faster until he had turn limp under his weight. You came as his name rolled off your lips, and he followed seconds after, pumping his juices deep inside your pussy. 

You felt his absolute pleasure as he breathed heavily against your shoulder. He kept going until you were both spent, and then fell down beside you. 

"Bucky-" you whined, turning over and curling into his side, the lack of contact making you more needy than ever.

"Yes, darling?" he panted, tapping your chin.

"Nothing. I just love you"

"Love you too, doll" he huffed, spinning you around so you laid on your back.

He effortlessly helped you out of your shirt and plopped down on top of you, his head resting on your bare chest. His warm, right hand cupped your breast as he closed his eyes. He wrapped himself around you, "Hold me" he muttered, "please"

"Always, Bucky" you said, engulfing him in the tightest hold you could muster. Only then did you feel him calm down completely, and there was nothing in the world you could ever ask for.

-

If you liked it, please reblog and tell me what you thought? :)

[mxvladdy]

I would like to request! Can I request? Well I wish for you to consider what type of person/what kind of situation would cause the brothers to make a pact with someone. Maybe even what they would request in exchange? This can be before or after they met MC. With that out of the way, I totally binge read all of your works after my sister gushed to me about the True Form series, and just thank you??? It made me really happy reading them and it's always impressively detailed and well thought out.

Awww thank you! I’m glad it’s rave-worthy! I plan to add to it soon bc it was an absolute riot to write and research for lol

And wow this one is a toughie! I’ve actually never thought of what would make them want a pact! Hope ya like it!

Lucifer- Pact of Success

Absolutely the hardest brother to do business with, but that is probably a good thing. He is incredibly selfish with his contracts. Sure, they’ll benefit from his pact mark, but he will get the most out of it. Aside from MC he only takes requests for contracts from the human “elite”. They make wonderful feathers in his cap.

But also he takes some enjoyment in breaking them. They always get so cocky with his contracts thinking that they have him on the ropes and at their beck and call. It gives him a good chuckle, humans are so brazen considering their very short lifespan.

He destroys them slowly over time- all the little minutia he peppers in his legal bindings adds up. Not that his normal clientele ever read the fine print. But he designed it that way to make sure they don’t. All their requests are the same and so simplistic. Big boats, fancy cars, climbing the proverbial ladder faster than their friends or enemies - blah-blah-blah. At least the paperwork is easy to complete.

Very rarely does he find a contract he is excited to make. Those contracts are given to artists and craftsmen he sees potential in. He loves good art, and every artist should take pride in their work.

When it comes to the “price” of his pact it is worryingly simple. All he wants is some of their time. It sounds simple, and it is. Which is why it’s dangerous. The contract doesn’t specifically say how or the rules of it. How he takes your time is completely up to him.

Sometimes he simply comes for a drink and to ask how business is going. Or with the pacts he gives a damn about- he pops in to see progress on their artist visions or listen to their latest musings.    

Other times if he grows tired of his pact holders’ ever-growing demands or ludicrous requests he comes and takes time right out of their lifespan. His visits leave them weak and fatigued though they can’t place why. He is a slow siphon of death and they are too foolhardy to notice. If he is feeling especially cruel, or sentimental he takes memories, things that a demon generally wouldn’t want.

Time with family, the first time they met the love of their life, a child’s birthday. He takes them all and leaves them with only a blurry recollection in his wake

When MC crosses his path though he is very apprehensive. He doesn’t want a pact or anything that could jeopardize Diavolo’s upcoming plans. But they make his skin itch with want. He doesn’t want them to be another trophy on his wall. He wants a mutually beneficial pact, one that almost leans in their favor and it grates him. Should/ when a pact is made he won’t use his powers on you as then he would have to take something in return. Instead, he takes his time and coaches them to be successful by their own right, though if he has to eliminate some obstacles- well they don’t need to know that.

Mammon- Pact of Riches

I love his man with all my heart, but even when he isn’t losing bets or getting tricked into pacts he still isn’t the most selective with who he conducts business with. He is the avatar of greed, after all. I guess it comes with the territory.

He scouts for already wealthy humans or people with a good head for numbers and is money smart. Some are too smart to deal with him, knowing that whatever monetary gain they are granted from him will backfire in the end (or their mama’s taught them not to make deals with strange demons). But a sucker is born every minute, and he has nothing but time on his hands.

His pacts are pretty simple and upfront. Sign on the dotted line and they get some of his wicked gamblers’ luck and more riches than one human life span could do much with. While he gets a glorified accountant and a nice percentage of their profits. It’s a win-win… for him.

See he forgets to mention that there are two sides to every coin, and his flip side is particularly detrimental to one’s health. He just so conveniently glosses over that his luck will wear out over time depending on how frequently the pact holder uses it.

But the hunger for more doesn’t. If anything that particular sensation grows into an all-consuming fire in the pit of their pitiful guts. It forces them back into the seedy basements or griming gambling halls. One more roll, one more stack of bills, just one more time and they will hit pay dirt surly! But the losses just keep coming. If one of his pact holders ends up face down in a ditch after one too many bad hands and uncontrollable greed… well ain’t nobody’s fault but their own.

He has a softer spot for humans that seek him out and treat him like a living being instead of some tool to be tossed around at will. It’s refreshing. He will actually take some care with these pacts and tell them to temper their use of his magic so they can get the most out of it in the long run. They still might run into misfortune and he is genuinely sorry for that but there is only so much he can do in the end.

With MC he doesn’t even tell them about what his pact can do or how to use it. He doesn’t want anything bad happening to his human. If they want something tell him he will do it himself no magic or pact summoning required. He wants to keep them happy and healthy for as long as his lifespan will allow.

If MC should find how to use his pact mark he will get pissed. Not so much at them but the situation in general. He’ll be upfront about the whole thing, judge him how they want but he refuses to let greed consume them too. He focuses a lot of time and energy on learning how to reel in his magic with them so they get some of the perks but none of the major downsides. Unlike with his other pacts where he lets it all just run wild (just means they use up their contact faster and he can move on to even bigger fish).

Leviathan- Pact of Wisdom and Skill

Surprisingly, despite his antisocial tendencies with “normies”, he gets around when it comes to contracts. Perhaps it’s jealousy at his other brothers or perhaps he finds collecting contracts a bit of a game on its own.

He has a small niche of people interested in his pacts. Pacts with him give people a strategic advantage in nearly any situation. Seemingly overnight his humans turn into near tactical geniuses. Because of that, he is very popular with military leaders and humans with dangerous careers.

He also makes mini contracts with foot soldiers and humans with dangerous oceanic jobs. They just want to make it out alive and he gets that. With contracts like these, he is more lenient and doesn’t ask for much. Make an offering of fancy food to Henry 2.0 or wait in line for a rare human figuring he wants. Wam-bam thank you ma’am kinda business.

This is completely different from his larger contracts. With the military contracts, he expects them to continue with their duties until they die in the field. Simple as that, he doesn’t mince words in his contract. It’s what he would do as General so he expects it from them. Should they try to define him he will get rid of them.

He takes delight in defiant contract holders. They think they are as clever as he is now. But they forget that they are using his magic. He could take his magic away right after they defy him sure...but he won’t. He lets them stew for a bit, thinking they have had the last laugh on envy. If they wish to play games with a General then he will make sure it’s good.

With MC he plays on easy mode, granting them insight and little touches of his magic during exam week or when playing a game against his brothers. He wants nothing in return from them but some quality hangout time.

Satan- The Pact of Retribution

As the only pure-blooded demon out of the seven, he does these pacts out of necessity like most other demons. While the others do it more so out of monetary gain and an obligation to the crown. Or if you’re Belphie, sheer enjoyment.

He does it because he hungers, it a hole in his very self that he is trying to fill. He hunts for one reason only- relief from his cardinal sin. He will never feel the calm after a storm of rage naturally. Patience and tranquility are the antitheses of his very creation. So he gets it artificially through his contracts.

He looks for the downtrodden, angry, and the most bitterly despondent humans he can find and gives them the chance to seek vengeance. He is very upfront with what his pact entails. Once the vengeance is complete his rage will consume them and they will become another soul for him to consume.

He isn’t cruel about the process or tries to trick a human into a mark. Very few of the ones he approaches turn him down even after hearing the details. It is possible that humans once shot to get even and he gets to feel bliss, to feel calm. He finds out that the longer or more obscure the plan for retribution is the sweeter the outcome is for Satan.

If he is feeling super ornery he will go after people affected by the outcomes of Lucifer’s pacts. They are easy prey and almost as wrathful as Satan himself. Bonus it aggravates Lucifer to no end when he has to go out of his way to clean up the mess Satan’s contract made of his own.  Anything to piss him off makes Satan feel all the better.

With MC he doesn’t need to use his pact magic. Mostly because they are always around him in the Devildom, and no one is stupid enough to mess with someone Satan favors. If someone or something does irritate his MC he will take it out before it can fester into something his magic will try to latch onto. Keeping you calm and happy makes him feel almost tranquil as well.

Asmodeus- Pact of Gratification

Another very popular pact to try to get, and how could it not? He is fabulous~ But as much as people try to find him, he only goes for a certain type of contract. He has his perfectly manicured fingers on the pulse of the fashion and beauty industry.

His name is a whisper among the up and comers in the business. Many-while not looking for a pact - at least want to see him at least once. Many never will, they get cut from their agency or quit before they could get a foothold. It happens, and he hates to see it. Everyone deserves to feel gorgeous, or at least get a chance to be in the same room as him!

But for the ones the perceiver and climb the ranks get invited to one of his many parties. They can only get invited by someone wearing his mark. He trusts them to know who would be amenable to his contract.

His pact grants its bearer a glamor that can’t be broken by any meer mortal or mage. It makes them absolutely irresistible. How they wield that power is completely up to the user, he won’t judge or intervene.

Once they sign the contract all his holders see him frequently. He absolutely loves dropping in on their shoots or fancy dinners to say hi or get a recap on how they are fairing. Not because he is a nice demon or just super friendly (though they would like to think so). No, he just likes to watch.  

His payment is slow, methodical and no one sees it happen until it is already complete. In exchange for beauty and the graduation of getting whatever their little hearts could as for he gets their ability to love, whether that be familiar or sexual. Asmo loves the feeling of being loved; he wants it in all ways possible.

Some pact holders don’t have an issue with this. They got their looks, a successful career, and people to manipulate to their heart’s content. Not having strong contentions with anyone works in their favor. But others don’t and while they search for him to try and get that little slice of humanity back he is long gone. He got what he wanted anyway.

MC is his darling. He can and will make a special contract just for them (reviewed by Lucifer). A beautiful new contract for a beautiful soul! He wants you as unchanged as possible because this MC is the one he fell for.

Beelzebub- Pact of Prowess

His pact is a very elusive one as he isn’t keen on going and looking for one. Beel isn’t a big fan of these trades, but he needs them every once and a while. Nothing is more filling than a contracted soul.

His trade is basic, make a pact and you get his strength. He, like Satan, is upfront about what his payment is and what side effects will plague them. He sees no reason to lie about it. The more they draw on his power the more the host's body gorges itself. Their bones will collapse in on themselves from the stress of it- the magic feeds on anything in the host bodies. It will deplete the iron in the blood, go after the calcium in the bones, sink its teeth in their muscle system.  

It’s all rather gruesome and Beel does feel bad about it. He tells though who are still adamant about binding with him ways they can negate some of the side effects by taking supplements and augmenting their diets.

But it is like patching a deep cut with a bandaid, it just won’t work. His stomach is near bottomless- humans most certainly aren’t. They simply can’t eat enough to sustain their body like he can.

It surprises him that people still seek him out. To some, the pros outweigh that very huge cons. Some really do believe that they can find a loophole or find the right mix of medication to offset it.

He doesn’t get beaten up about it anymore but it gets on his nerves how obstinate humans can be about his very clear warnings. When his magic finally consumes them he takes both the body and soul back down with him and feasts on both.

With MC he keeps an eye out on them. Consistently checking in, making sure they don’t skip a meal, and join him at the gym often. He wants them to be strong and healthy enough to not ever want to use his pact. Though he does speculate that their angelic bloodline buffers both his and his brother’s magic a good bit.

Belphegor- Pact of the Visionary

Dreamers come in every shape and size and from different walks of life. But they are are all suckers to Belphie. He is known as the Lord of Decet for a reason.

He will promise them everything and anything their heart desires. That invention that will change the world? Done. A patent that is long overdue. Easy enough. A sudden rush of ingenuity to complete that nagging project. He is a devil of his word, it will be done. It- just won’t be done in the way they would want it.  

See manipulating the physical realm is hard work. Like a lot of hard work. More than he would ever do for some stupid little human. It’s a lot easier to control outcomes in his realm.

The moment the contract is signed his hosts fall under his control and he takes it from there building a perfect little dream world for them to frolic in and believe they are getting what they want. He feeds off of them here, taking little sips from their energy and exploring these new fresh dream worlds. His dreamscapes get boring every once and a while, so having a new human under his influence is always refreshing.

While his humans thrive inside their minds their bodies waste away in bed as his magic draws them further and further into an endless sleep.

He doesn’t see anything wrong with his contracts. Who would argue with him that the dream realms aren’t real in their own sense? Did his humans not accomplish their goals in the end? He doesn’t think of the outside effects of his magic and pacts. Belphie really doesn’t care about what families he broke apart or lives he inadvertently affected.  

MC is different to him though. He doesn’t keep them under his spell hardly ever (maybe if they are spending too much time with Dia or Lucifer. But he doesn’t push it with them.).He still walks into their dreams whenever he feels but he comes just to visit, not to change. He simply just enjoys keeping you company and relaxing in the little mini paradise you always seem to create in your dreams.

[glassessence]

Modern Soulmate AU | Watanabe

M O D E R N   S O U L M A T E   A U   |   W A T A N A B E

-- You see in black and white until you meet your soulmate. --

There have been violent protests for days now and this morning graced us with a magnitude 5.9 earthquake. Suffice to say I’m feeling a little ~shooketh~ (pardon the pun; I’ll show myself out haha). 

Anyway, I’ve been writing a lot of angst lately and wanted a change of pace. I love the idea of soulmates, so here’s an AU featuring university professor Watanabe. I’m super tired at the time of this posting so grammatical tenses are all over the place. I’m sorry. I zoned out so hard during this that it’s half stream of consciousness lmao.  

Also, it’s in dot-point format because I have no time to write it into an actual oneshot *cry* Also, if anyone cares, here’s what I have planned for future instalments in this series: 

CEO Lee | Secretary Reader

Pop singer Kamui | Backup dancer Reader

W A T A N A B E   |   U N I V E R S I T Y   P R O F E S S O R

Watanabe has seen in faded colours since the start of the semester. He knows his soulmate is a student, but doesn’t know who.

It’s not until you stay behind to ask him a question that it happens. He turns to you and his world bursts into riotous technicolour. Your world explodes into colour, blues and greens and yellows beyond your wildest dreams.

For a moment, both of you just stare at each other. Watanabe is speechless, blown away by the colour in your cheeks and the light in your eyes. You’re backlit by the soft afternoon sun and all he can think of is how beautiful you are.

You’ve always considered Watanabe handsome but unattainable. You’d always figured someone like him would be taken. All the good ones were. 

But now, he was your soulmate. The knowledge feels impossible and knocks the very breath out of you. 

“It’s you,” Watanabe breathes, so quietly you barely hear him. His hand reaches out. Long fingers are inches from your face when he seems to remember himself. He drops his hand. Clearing his throat, he asks you how he can help.

You’re so shocked at the blazing colour of the world that you’ve forgotten your question. “N-Nevermind, professor. I’ve gotta go.” Heart hammering and face flaming, you rush from the room as fast as you can. 

The next few weeks are super awkward. You’re not sure how to talk to Watanabe and he seems to be avoiding you. He rushes out after every lecture and doesn’t meet your eye. Even though your world looks so beautiful now, it feels grayer than ever.

Watanabe feels miserable and impossibly conflicted. He wants to get to know you, to hold you and kiss you. Knowing you were out there alone was a pain he could hardly bear. 

“You’re kidding,” Bruce says over beer one day. He eyes his lonely friend. “Keep it secret, Watanabe, but you have to do something. This doesn’t just happen to anyone, you know.”

You stopped going to lectures, unable to stand the reality of Watanabe purposefully ignoring you. Was it because you were a student? Or… did he have someone else? The very possibility of another woman filled your heart with envy. 

Noticing your absence, Watanabe grew concerned. He was a university professor, after all. Regardless of whatever bond connected the both of you, you were still his student. 

He reached out to you via email. Y/N, I haven’t seen you in lectures lately. Is everything okay? 

Your response was curt. Thank you for checking in, professor. I’m fine, just been feeling a bit unwell lately. 

Guilt shot through Watanabe. It seemed it was your turn to avoid him. He knew he deserved it. His heart ached. Bruce was right. Something had to be done. I see. I don’t want you to fail the subject.  I think we should have a catch up over coffee to discuss your progress.

Your heart skipped a beat. Was Watanabe asking you out on a date? Or were you reading way too much into it? Regardless, you dressed well. The day was bright, warm and sunny. You’d grown used to the brilliant colours, but still took immense pleasure in seeing the autumn leaves fall. 

He was dressed in a casual button down and slacks, long hair knotted at the back of his head. Handsome without trying, as usual. You eyed him warily. He’d made his intentions clear so far. You didn’t want to start off on the wrong foot. Still, something in you ached for his touch. You tore your eyes from his lips. 

Watanabe admired you. He hadn’t been able to stop thinking about you, but seeing you again up close, he was taken aback by your eyes. “You came,” he says simply. “Of course,” you reply casually. “I don’t want to fail the subject, after all.”

Watanabe quirks a smile. “I’d certainly hope not.” The two of you sit down. The conversation is initially focused on your academics and all the content you’d have to catch up on. However, it soon spirals into something else. You make him laugh, a deep rumble that kindles something in your soul. He possesses a sharp intellect that you’re desperately attracted to. Time passes in the blink of an eye. 

“I should go,” you say, gathering up your things as the sun is setting. The sky is overcast, pregnant with heavy clouds threatening rain. “Yeah,” he agrees. “My bad.”

“No,” you counter boldly. “My pleasure.” His eyes widen, but he looks away. He says nothing, but the disapproving frown tells you enough. Your smile fades. “Watanabe...What is this?” His answer is bitter. “Wrong,” he says.

Hurt and anger burn in your chest. “Wrong?” you echo. You point to your eyes. “You think this is wrong?” You slap your palm to your chest. Your voice breaks. “You think this is wrong?”

“No,” he growls, frustrated. “Never. But I’m a professor and you’re a student. I can’t take advantage of you.”

“You’re not taking advantage of me! This is meant to be! I-Is there someone else?”

He stares at you in disbelief. “No, of course not. I just...can’t.” You bite your lip. “I can’t bear to be around you,” you say softly. Raindrops splatter onto the pavement. “I’m going now.”

You turn from him and walk into the pouring rain. Watanabe runs after you. “At least let me take you home. You walked here, right?” You keep walking, trying to ignore the magnetic pull of him. “I’m fine.”

“Dammit woman,” he says, voice low. He grabs you by the arm and forces you to face him. You have to look up to see his face. “Why are you being so difficult?”

Something in you cracks. “Because,” you say heatedly. “I can’t bear to be around you! To want you so much it hurts. To want to touch you and kiss you and be beside you. To know that you’d rather be alone than with me!”

“That’s not true!” he roars back at you. “I want you. So much. I want to leave my marks on you and make you my woman. But I can’t! People will judge you and I won’t allow that.”

“Fuck them,” you reply. “You’re just a coward, Watanabe.”

His hold on you loosens in shock. You take the opportunity to break away. The sky was black now and the rain showed no signs of relenting. You hated how brightly the moon shone and how beautiful the night was under her silver touch. 

Suddenly, a hand pulled you back. Lips touched yours, warm and velvet soft. Watanabe kissed you deeply. His tongue snuck into your mouth, twining with yours like long-lost lovers. His hand curled into your hair. The other encircled your waist, pulling you flush against him.

Reluctantly, he pulled back, resting his forehead against yours. His breathing was heavy. “I’m not a coward,” he whispered in your ear. “I just don’t want you to suffer because of me. Others might not understand. They might attack you. I don’t want you to hate me.”

“I could never,” you answer softly. “Never, Watanabe.”

The two of you made it back to his car. But it was a good deal later into the night that you returned home… 

[demonslayedher]

Kanao: Did Tanjiro Give Her A Weakness?

Kanao already reached the Tsuchinoto rank (5th of 10) within about 1.5 months* of passing the Final Selection but then only progressed to Hinoto (7th of 10) over the following 10 months or so.* Why the slow-down? I've got a handful of possible ideas but no indication of if any of them would be true. *(According to my timeline estimates.)

In the extra chapter in Volume 7 about all the suffering in Kanao's past, Kanao snaps. All of a sudden, she stops feeling anything. She doesn't think for herself at all, only doing things as she's told.

According to the Taisho Secret at the end of Chapter 163, Kanao learned Flower Breathing by observation, though neither Kanae or Shinobu approved of this. She entered the Final Selection without permission. Although, as Tanjiro puts it, the voice of Kanao's heart is very small, Kanao had a growing sense that she couldn't forgive demons for how they orphaned her housemates and took Shinobu's parents, sister, and Tsuguko from her. Straight from Word of God-touge, fighting demons is Kanao's will. However, Shinobu at first worries that it's not really something Kanao felt that deeply about, and admonishes her simply to not falter or overthink things, and just cut off demon's heads. I suspect she declared Kanao her Tsuguko immediately as a means of keeping an eye on her, and that she had to enforce a professional distance that she otherwise never would had wanted to impose on Kanao. I suspect that Kanao did not only observe Kanae; Shinobu may very well have had other Flower Breath users among her Tsuguko. We don't know how involved the Tsuguko were in the Butterfly Mansion household; I suspect there was a bit of professional emotional distance, seeing as how Kanao goes from referring to Shinobu as her sister to referring to her as her master. None of the other Butterfly Mansion girls ever use such close terms of endearment to Shinobu. Although Kanao did enter the Corp of her own accord (feeling nothing, except perhaps "demons are bad, I should get rid of them"), she still is in a pretty broken, unfeeling state. When she's not on missions or training, she's content to sit somewhere and stare off into the sun (Kanao, your eyes, take care of your precious eyes!!). And since she doesn't need to think about anything besides cutting off demon heads, and she doesn't mind any fear or suffering, she probably goes about her missions in a manner similar to how Muichiro did in that whirlwind two-month journey to becoming a Pillar. The "I don't care (but actually I just hate you)" method of demon slaying, apparently pretty effective. While we don't know how the rate of climbing the ranks is calculated, I suspect that Flower Breathing stresses evasion (see here and here), so Kanao likely doesn’t spend at much time down with injury, and therefore she took a lot more missions. And, being in a Pillar’s household, she might have had a Nichirin blade she could use right away to start taking missions while hers was being made, giving her at least a 10-day leg up on the others in her Final Selection batch. Likewise, being in the company of a Pillar, she’s probably gone straight into fighting higher level demons. And who knows? Maybe being declared a Tsuguko also adds to rank? But then Tanjiro turns her world upside-down at the flip of a coin, like how Shinobu throwing coins around a bridge changed her life years before. And, little by little, the voice of Kanao's heart starts growing stronger. While before Kanao was happy to simply stare off at the sun, Fanbook #1 tells us she's started looking at the world around her afresh. Bubbles!! Blowing bubbles is her new hobby. And she might not be good at treating injuries, but she goes on errands now for the Butterfly Mansion and likes bringing back candy and other small gifts for everyone. Look, it's even fun to poke the paw pads on cats! Beans! (Seeing as Shinobu doesn't like furry creatures (yet somehow puts up with Inosuke), Kanao probably only interacts with cats on her errands, and I'll bet Shinobu and Aoi both stay on pins and needles wondering what's taking her so long out there on her own). Kanao's even started to try helping with cooking! In one of the light novels, we see her go to Aoi for help, asking her to teach her new recipes. And, a few months into this bright new outlook on the world where she actually takes and interest in things and forms her own opinions, the Uzui Incident happens, and Kanao, at least by Kanao's standards, flamboyantly stands up to him. It was a terrifyingly bigger and more complicated decision than she's ever faced in battle. So here's a question:

Can a Corp member be

punished for anything by being downgraded a rank? Was there any repercussion to interfering with a Pillar's demon slaying mission? That might explain some of the sudden slow-down in Kanao's dramatic rate of promotion. What might also be possible is that a different Pillar, Shinobu, was concerned about the speed with which she advanced, especially seeing how emotionally stunted Muichiro was despite his skills, and how he wound up in more and more dangerous situations because of his rank. Even if Shinobu recognizes (perhaps with some surprise) that Kanao is innately talented, she's no genius, and she can't simply survive by cutting off heads as she climbs the ranks. Shinobu perhaps puts her foot down against Kanao's advancement to make sure there is time to focus on other aspects Kanao needs to mature in, and Oyakata-sama would probably be pretty understanding of that. This sort of request may be allowed purely because of the nature of the Hashira-Tsuguko relationship, regardless of the reason, who knows. But what it also might be is that as Kanao starts feeling things, she starts feeling all the things. Whereas before she might never had cared enough to be affected by fear or pain or sadness or weariness, just as she's seeing the simple tiny pleasures of life with fresh eyes, perhaps she's lost the natural armor she had against these other feelings. And, given the reasons why she snapped in the first place, it may be an especially confusing process for her to have to deal with these negative feelings in a healthier way. That's got to have a negative impact on her effectiveness in battle, and if it ever breaks her focus (though I don't see any evidence of this ever happening), it could be something that leads to injuries, which would decrease her number of missions (but, given her mastery of Breath technique and Functional Recovery Training, she's probably quick to recover). Even if Kanao doesn't get to the point of having breakdowns, people like Shinobu and Oyakata-sama would be keen enough of her development as a person that they might slow down how often she's assigned missions, as she requires that time to work at her new interests and becoming a more whole person. They've probably been watching over her without her even being aware of it, and as Shinobu perhaps devotes more and more time to her research, Kanao supposes that's the reason for her own slow-down in missions. If Master is busy, then the Tsuguko should merely help out and keep training. And it's not as if Kanao enjoys slaying demons; she's probably happily distracted with all these new things she finds she enjoys. She's probably never cared about promotion anyway. But, would Kanao have blown through the ranks if Tanjiro hadn't unwittingly derailed her so dramatically?

As an aside, the aforementioned Taisho Secret also states that Kanao joined the Corp because unlike Aoi, she wasn't good at treating injuries. Yet in the extended epilogue comic in Fanbook #2 Tanjiro says she's a fantastic doctor??? Hmm???? When?? How????? Can she see well enough to administer medicine safely?? Umm? Aoi? Please supervise her???? No offense, Kanao, but--where---did--this--come--from???????