#but why this particularly? unclear and upsetting

[asleepinawell]

I had the absolutely most surreal ffxiv dream ever last night. I wandered into some random house (unclear why) and it is like the most kitschy cottagecore house in existence and it belongs to. zenos. there is cross-stitch on the wall. lacy curtains. a scythe on the wall but it's for gardening. and the dude himself in just sitting there in his little kitchen on a chair with a fluffy pillow and staring blankly right next to the jars of homemade fruit preserves on his counter

and, like, you have to understand that this is an aesthetic I deeply abhor and already the equivalent of a horror movie for me and this fucker is just sitting there dissociating in his kitchen with his slow lizard blinks while I'm examining his antique teddy bear collection and trying desperately to think of what to say because I can't just leave without saying anything and it was so intensely awkward that I woke up out of sheer desperation

anyway what the fuck

[gloomwitchwrites]

Captain John Price x Female Reader Dark Romance

Chapter Specific Warnings: canon-typical cursing, pretend oral, protective Price, vaginal fingering, sex with a condom, asking permission, hand necklace, doggy style, slightly possessive Price

Word Count: 6k

A/N: Part Five of Dangerous Pursuit (for @glitterypirateduck)

Made an offering, Price does his best to protect you. Alone together, the two of you finally give in.

Chapter Four // Chapter Six

ao3 // taglist // main masterlist // dangerous pursuit masterlist

You’re trapped. Caged. Like swine in a muddy, cramped pen.

You have no power here. No control. The only other person in this situation who might be able to protect you is Price, but his reasons for being in this room with Dimitri are elusive. While you are aware that Price is after Dimitri in pursuit of a larger target, his reasons are a blank space. Empty paper.

In that safehouse, Price never revealed anything specific. You aren’t even knowledgeable about what happened to Nikola. Not that you particularly care about Nikola, but you’re more concerned with what Price and his team did with the man once they got what they needed. Just because Price saved you, just because he touched you and said things that turned your resolve to goo, doesn’t mean all of Price’s intentions are sincere.

You are in the dark on his motivations. What is clear is that Price is trying his best to divert Dimitri away from this idea, that he isn’t interested in you sinking between his legs to fall to your knees.

But Dimitri is adamant, and the gun on the table is a silent threat.

Why does Dimitri care? Aren’t you supposed to be his favorite? That’s what Nikola said. That’s why Nikola stole you away, because—in his fucked-up brain—he wanted to get back at the man for letting him down.

Yet, how is Dimitri letting Nikola down. Dimitri is a dangerous man. You know this, and you’ve always done your best to stay out of his business, to keep yourself detached and indifferent. But you can’t turn away. Not when Nikola dragged you into this.

Survival. This is all about survival. You need to remember that. This will pass once Price secures what he needs.

Slowly, you step forward, and Price flexes his hips, lifting off the couch slightly as he spreads his legs wider. The movement is downright sexy. Teeth-rotting. Heat flares in your stomach and bursts outward, moving to your core and your chest, your body remembering his mouth between your thighs.

You’re not even upset that it’s calling out to him. You’re not even frustrated. What sits in the back of your throat is a calm acceptance, that Dimitri must be obeyed if you want to make it out of here with your life intact. Being on the receiving end of Dimitri’s displeasure is a blood-beast. An ill omen of certain destruction.

As you start to sink between Price’s spread legs, your hands go out to steady yourself. They land against the tops of Price’s knees, a slight tremor shivers through your fingers as they make contact. It isn’t because you’re itching to touch him but because you’re afraid of Dimitri, and what he might do if you don’t do this.

Under your palms, Price is warm and strong. An anchor. You try not to look at his face, deciding it might be best to focus on a different part of him like his chin or neck. But you utterly fail, only needing to know that you’re not alone in this, that Price understands. That he will be gentle with you.

Price stares at you intently. On the surface, he appears impassive, but you notice subtle signs that tell you otherwise like the twitching muscle at the back of his jaw, and the tension in his thigh muscles beneath your hands.

What is he thinking? What is he planning?

Your knees do not hit the floor.

With a movement that startles you, Price’s arm shoots forward, his hand grasping the back of your neck. His fingers lightly dig into your skin. Inhaling, you immediately tense in his grip. Whether Price notices is unclear. He draws you up his body and buries his face against the side of your head. In this position, it might look like he’s inhaling your scent or perhaps kissing your cheek.

Price is not doing either of those things.

“Follow my lead,” he murmurs in your ear. He’s nearly inaudible, and it’s a wonder that you hear him at all.

Lead? What lead?

There is only a moment to guess. Only a moment to consider the options in front of you. The tips of your fingers press into the fabric of his pants as Price lightly squeezes the back of your neck. It’s not a possessive or even pushy movement. It is a reassurance, a silent momentum that is urging you to trust him.

And you don’t want to trust him. Yet, at the same time, you know that you should.

It’s a goddamn annoyance.

While keeping his grip on the back of your neck, Price adjusts his hips again, reaching between your bodies to undo the front of his belt. Shifting his hold slightly on your neck, Price pulls back enough so that your faces are close and your gazes are locked.

Price says nothing. He doesn’t need to. Everything that needs to be communicated is relayed through his gaze alone. It tells you to trust him, to dive in and follow his lead just like he said to do. There is a soft pleading lurking within that makes itself known. Dimitri is a dangerous man, and Price knows, which is why he is asking you to allow him this.

When the belt is undone, and the front of Price’s pants sit open, he shoves your head down. Price is forceful, and the sudden push startles you, causing you to stifle a squeak. The sudden, surging urge to resist and bite back is immediate. It flares, bright and hot and angry before extinguishing when you realize that Price does nothing else.

He may have shoved your face against his groin, but that’s as far as it goes. Instead, Price’s arms adjust, the hand on the back of your neck shifting upward to gather and guide your hair over to once side.

It’s…a cocoon. Price is shielding you from their gaze.

Understanding seeps in, and you slide your hands up his thighs, adding another layer to the barrier. The situation is precarious. Delicate. One slip up, and Dimitri and friends will know the two of you are completely faking this.

Price’s hold on your hair stiffens, and then lightly presses before backing off.

Right. You’re pretending, which means you can’t stay in place.

It’s an awkward angle, but you manage a slight bob of your head. The moment you do, Dimitri’s wicked laugh drifts into your ears to settle like dust. Your cheeks heat and it’s not because your lips are dangerously close to the outline of Price’s dick.

You’re fucking fuming. You’d love to take that gun and shoot Dimitri where it matters.

“Now that you have what you want, let’s talk business.” Dimitri’s voice is smooth and venomous.

Price’s answer is a muted grunt.

You stay course, not daring to move more than necessary, not daring to try to change direction or speed or anything. Eventually you’ll have to do something. How long can you do this before Dimitri suspects that nothing is happening beneath Price’s makeshift protective barrier?

“The buyer is on a tight schedule. I need a guarantee that the exchange will happen at the scheduled time.” Dimitri’s tone is neutral. Distant.

Price’s fingers that brush against the side of your throat tense. “You’ve received a small advance. Was that not satisfactory?”

“It was.”

“And yet you take issue with guaranteed delivery?”

Hearing the slight tremor of annoyance in Price’s voice, you freeze. After a few seconds, Price is lightly pressing on your head again, and you resume, realizing your mistake.

Not knowing what Dimitri is doing is agonizing. Having your back to him twists your stomach and makes you question if you’re actually safe with Price. This could just be an illusion of safety. A way to make yourself feel better when the situation is anything but.

“No issue,” answers Dimitri in a slow drawl. “The buyer is particular and doesn’t take it well when something doesn’t go his way. I’m sure you understand.”

Price’s hips shift beneath you, and a low rumble vibrates in his chest.

Dimitri’s smug laugh sends your blood boiling. “We should wrap this up before things get…messy.”

Price doesn’t acknowledge Dimitri’s comment. “The location and time remain the same. The inventory will be loaded onto the ship once the wire clears. That is the arrangement.” Price is speaking through clenched teeth as if you’re truly making him come undone.

The acting is impressive. You have to give him that.

There is a delayed pause before Dimitri speaks again. “I’ve sent a partial payment to the account. As a thank you for the small advance.”

Price’s hold on you tightens, pressing you a bit closer to his groin. It’s an awkward angle and your neck is starting to cramp. You won’t be able to keep this up if it worsens.

There is the distinct clinking of bottle against glass. “As a thank you for making this process so…smooth, feel free to take her to the private room.”

Price’s hand immediately slides between your face and his groin, covering up the front of his pants. In the next second, Price is guiding you away from him. His gaze lingers on Dimitri before slowly sliding to you.

“You heard what he said,” says Price with a slight growl, his head tilting almost imperceptibly toward the room in question.

You know Price is acting, yet you don’t appreciate his domineering tone.

Using Price’s spread thighs for support, you push yourself to standing. You ball your hands into fists, attempting to stifle the gentle shaking taking shape in your fingers. Price must realize this because he stands abruptly, grabbing your arm and promptly forcing you to follow him.

“Make him happy, Sparrow,” singsongs Dimitri over his shoulder, bringing his vodka glass to his lips.

At the back of the large VIP room, next to the raised stage, is a plain black door. Olivia steps away from the pole like she’s going to cut Price off. There is genuine concern and fury in her eyes. Of everyone here, Olivia is the boldest, but this is not her fight.

When the two of you lock gazes, you shake your head and Olivia stops, silently asking if you’re sure. Price isn’t going to force himself on you. This you know.

“I’m fine,” you silently speak to her, overenunciating a bit so that Olivia can pick up on your meaning.

Olivia frowns but she returns to the pole, glancing back over her shoulder one more time as Price yanks open the door and shoves you inside. He slams it shut, and remains there, head turned in the direction of the door. His chest moves rapidly, up and down until, finally, he engages the lock and drops his hand.

Price doesn’t look at you. His face is turned to the side, his eyes focused elsewhere. Bringing his left hand up to the side of his face, he presses two fingers to the inside of his ear, the middle of his brow pinched.

“You hear all that, Simon?” Price pauses. Listens. “Send a drone for recon. Find snipe points and pinpoint potential exits. I want both teams prepped, ready, and in position before Dimitri arrives.” He pauses again. Nods. “Very good. Zero-six going dark.”

With that, Price removes a small earbud no larger than a pea from out of his ear. He drops it to the floor and then crushes it under his shoe. Bending at the knees, Price picks up the broken tech and deposits it in the small, hidden trash receptacle in the wall.

Then, he’s turning toward you, looming large as he invades your space. Price’s hands hover just shy of your upper arms like he wants to touch you but isn’t sure if he should.

“Are you okay?” he asks softly, the middle of his brow softening. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

You shake your head. “No. I’m not hurt.” You shrug. “Well—my pride, maybe.” An awkward laugh escapes from your throat and you immediately cringe.

Price closes the distance, his hands coming to rest on your arms. His gaze roams over your face with concern, then drop to other parts of you. It’s not a heated look, but one of deep worry, as if your words are not enough to calm him. He looks you over once, then twice, and only then does his hands drop. Finally, he glances away from you, taking in the small room.

Price frowns. “What is this?”

You shrug. “All the VIP rooms have them. They’re for more private interactions.”

Price glances at you briefly before turning his attention back to the small room. The space is cramped. There is a neatly made queen-sized bed with black sheets penned in by three walls. Above the bed, both on the walls and on the ceiling, are mirrors. The lighting is dim. Moody. You and Price stand in the only open space and that isn’t even very large. There’s roughly four feet between the end of the bed and the door.

To you and Price’s left and right are shelving built into the walls. One side is a fully stocked mini bar. The shelves on the other side are full of different sized condoms, various bottles of lube, toys, wet wipes, and even cleaning supplies.

Price’s frown turns upward. He steps toward the shelving full of supplies and laughs softly. “This place has everything.”

“That’s the experience Thirst likes to offer,” you say, almost mockingly.

Price’s gaze returns to you. The relaxed state of his shoulders shifts suddenly, stiffening. “Are there cameras in here? Microphones?”

“Absolutely not,” you say vehemently. “The VIP rooms are incredibly private for a reason. There are a couple panic buttons hidden in the room but that’s for guests who don’t respect boundaries.”

Price seems to calm then, his shoulders relaxing. He’s quiet a moment and you’re not sure if you should fill the silence. How long do the two of you need to be in here before you can emerge?

“I don’t think we can leave here any time soon,” smirks Price.

“I had the same thought. It would look bad on me.”

Price’s eyebrows rise slightly. “Bad on you? No.” A protest begins to form on your lips but Price keeps talking. “Two minutes and done?” He crosses his arms over his chest. “Shame on me.”

The back of your neck flames. The memory of him and his mouth on you is too fresh and new and Price is too goddamn close. And there is nowhere for you to hide.

You swallow and nearly choke. Glancing at a point behind Price, you answer him. “I suppose we’re stuck here for a bit.”

Price only nods, his amused smile faltering slightly. The two of you stand in silence. Not moving. Not speaking. The stagnant quiet is stifling. Suffocating. In this tight space, the musky scent of Price’s cologne makes its way into your nostrils, filling your lungs with him.

Seeing him out of tactical gear is its own type of asphyxiation. No cargo pants or boots. No beanie or oddly endearing floppy hat.

The all-black attire speaks to subtle danger, and whatever game he’s playing with Dimitri. His shoes are neatly laced and polished. His slacks are perfectly pressed and free of wrinkles. That doesn’t include his button up shirt. With the sleeves rolled up to the elbows to show off his massive forearms, Price looks very much the part. He oozes sexiness. Your gaze scans his entire body, entirely focused on how the top two buttons of his shirt are undone, revealing a bit of dark chest hair.

Does it cover his chest? His stomach? Does it—

You’re so lost in your own thoughts that Price’s movement toward the bed startles you out of your lustful thinking. He sits slowly, pausing on the edge before reaching down to unlace his shoes. He kicks them off. After, Price eases himself up the bed, falling onto his back with a deep sigh.

His eyes are closed and one large hand rests on his stomach just below the open buttons.

You don’t move toward him. You don’t move at all. The heels you wear are lead, full of cement, and you are glued to the spot, staring at the man who causes your emotions to swirl inside you like a storm.

Price’s chest rises and falls steadily. The air conditioning kicks in, the small room filling with a quiet hum.

“Are you going to stand there the whole time or are you going to join me?” Price doesn’t open his eyes when he speaks, and his gruff voice is rougher, almost sleep-laced.

Your legs respond without prompting, ushering you to the edge of the bed. Sinking down, you pause right there, gaze traveling up Price’s perfect form.

“Staring is rude.” Still, Price’s eyes remain shut. How does he know you’re staring at him?

“Shut up,” you mutter, rolling your eyes, laying down next to him on the bed on your right side.

Price inhales. Exhales. Inhales. Ex—

One eyelid cracks open as he turns his head slightly in your direction. He says nothing, only watching you through that small slit.

“What?” you prompt, shoving as much annoyance into your tone as you can even though you’re warm between the thighs.

Just as the question leaves your mouth, Price grabs for you. The hand resting on his stomach ensnares your upper arm. There is no resistance. The man is strong, hauling you against him. One arm slides under and behind you to secure you against him at the waist. The other slides to the back of your thigh, lifting your leg up to drape over his. Your black cocktail dress is too short, and the fabric rolls upward revealing more and more skin.

That same hand, the one that grips your thigh, slides higher, securing itself at the very top beneath the curve of your cheek. The cheeks on your face flame, and your hands dig into his shirt.

Price’s sigh, once he settles, is one of contentment and pleasure, like you’re supposed to be here. You attempt to put some distance between your bodies but Price’s hand on your thigh only tightens, keeping you in place.

This is too close. Too affectionate. You cannot allow this to go further even if the rest of you is responding to him.

“You’re tense,” murmurs Price after a minute.

“It’s a tense situation,” you reply dryly.

You can see yourselves in the mirror, and how intimate this position is with your leg draped across his thighs. With his hand on your upper thigh, and your cocktail dress bunched at your hips, you glimpse the slightest bit of your underwear peeking out from beneath the dress. If you can see it, Price can likely see it.

Price can—oh. Oh. Oh. Shit.

Price’s eyes are open. He watches you watch the tantalizing reveal of flesh beneath the fabric of your cocktail dress. Those large fingers of his dig in. Drag downward. Back up. Higher than before and closer to the delicate fabric.

Does Price intend to touch you? Does he intent to take this further? Do you even want him to?

Slowly, Price’s head shifts toward you, his face aligning with yours. “Tell me to stop, and I’ll stop,” he murmurs.

Those eyes of his sink into your soul and rips your autonomy from out your throat. Price squeezes your thigh, prompting you for an answer, his fingers dangerously close to brushing over your pussy through the fabric.

“Tell me,” he repeats.

Your lips part but there are no words. You are fighting nothing. Resisting nothing.

Price’s fingers slide underneath the fabric, pushing it aside. In the mirror, you are bare and open. Price’s inhale is husky, almost a growl. One lone finger slides through you, and the response is a wetness you know well.

“Tell me stop,” mutters Price, his own control slipping, his eyes shifting focus from your face to the mirror.

You like Price’s attention. You like how intensely he watches you, as if he never wants to forget a single inch. Entranced, your hand upon his chest lifts away, reaching for his face. When your thumb brushes Price’s bottom lip, he opens his mouth, and the tip of his tongue swipes against your skin. The touch surprises you, and your thumb draws away just as Price’s tongue retreats into his mouth.

“Tell me to stop,” he repeats again, as if you’ll answer him this time.

You inhale sharply as his middle finger presses into your entrance, stretching you perfectly, easing you open.

“Tell me,” he whispers. “Say it.”

“Don’t—” Price freezes, ready to withdraw. “Stop.”

There is sweet victory on his face. A triumphant, pleased appearance that has you softening. All lingering anticipation is gone. Price’s other hand is on the back of your neck, bringing your mouths together at the same moment his fingers fuck your pussy.

This kiss is deep and fierce. Passionate. It is not a stranger’s kiss, but one that sends a shiver through your loins, every muscle in your body singing with need. Heating your blood, this side of Price stirs a slickness in your core.

There is whiskey on his tongue, and just the slightest hint of cigar smoke.

“Fucking hell,” he groans against your mouth as your body clenches around him, insisting that he stay there.

Price claims you for himself, over and over again, with his lips and fingers. That grip on the back of your neck is entirely possessive. Wanton. There are no others words to describe this hunger that oozes from Price.

Your hands instinctually slide around his neck, and you’re drawing yourself closer until the two of you are nothing but lips, teeth, tongue, and the steady pump of his fingers.

This attraction and desperation is unfair. You should not feel so strongly in this moment. You shouldn’t want him for any reason. Perhaps this is simply fate playing a part, bringing the two of you together because it knows that after tonight, you’re unlikely to ever see Price again.

Price’s lips fall upon your neck, sucking at your skin, just as his wrist twists enough for his thumb to play with your clit as he fucks you. You whimper, and Price sucks on your neck harder. Your fingers dig and claw into his shirt, tugging, tugging so hard the few remaining buttons might pop.

He rubs your clit, swirling repeatedly until the friction sends your pussy fluttering around him, flooding with new wetness. It’s not your small death. Not yet. That sits low in your body, waiting to be unleashed like a viper hiding in the leaves.

It’ll strike when you least expect it, robbing you of all resolve.

Your nails dig into his flesh just above his collar, leaving little half-moons behind, but you do not draw blood. The sensation of his finger sliding in and out of you is fucking perfect but it’s not enough to get you where you need to go.

“Fuck, love. Look at you,” murmurs Price against your throat. In the mirror above the bed, you can see everything. The second finger sliding in, how much of him is inside you, and the way your body releases and flexes around him.

“Dimitri can only dream of seeing you like this. Because this,” Price punctuates his words with a perfectly placed flick of your clit, “is only for me.”

The stretch that comes from a second finger pulls a gnarled, pathetic whimper from your lips. It makes you weak, turns you to ash, grinding you down until the need to beg for Price is becoming difficult to refuse.

“What do you need, love?” His lips brush against skin only to draw your face to his, pressing his lips to yours.

Your brain is a miasma of noise and sensation, and filtering through it all is too difficult.

“I—I need,” you begin, only to moan softly as his thumb teases your clit, halting all thought.

“You need…what?” he teases, knowing exactly what he’s doing to you.

“John,” you breathe, saying his name like liquid sin. “I—I.” Your words are missing, floating up into the air to disappear. You cannot cling to them to form the thing you need to say.

Price’s groan is low. “My name. Say it again. I liked it.”

“John,” you repeat, and he lightly presses on your clit in response, sending you tumbling into the place you’re seeking.

The whimpered cry that rolls up your throat and bursts forth from between your lips is unobstructed. Your pussy squeezes around Price’s fingers even as he continues to move them inside you. His actions only prolong it, drawing it out, seeking more as your hips writhe in time with him.

The aftershocks are the worst part, not because they’re painful, but because the muscles in your thighs won’t stop twitching. Price’s smile against your mouth tells you all you need to know. He is smug, downright satisfied with how you fell apart for him.

Your fingers that dig into his collar fade away, slipping downward to rest at the opening of his shirt. Another little aftershock hits you, and your hand slips underneath the fabric to touch Price’s chest.

He does not stop you. It is the opposite. Price leans into your touch, claiming your mouth, slipping his fingers from your pussy, rolling you completely onto your back as he traps you beneath him.

Price’s hands travel downward to your thighs, squeezing, some of the stickiness rubbing off onto your skin. Your legs are spread and Price sits comfortable between them, his pelvis pressing against yours. You feel the hard outline of him, but Price makes no move to undo the rest of his belt or take off his pants.

He stays like this, forehead resting against your own, noses brushing, lips almost meeting.

“Do you want to leave?” he asks softly.

Do you want to leave? Not, we should, or I, but you. Price is asking you.

“No,” you murmur, because it’s true.

Leaving means going back out there, to Thirst, to Dimitri, and to your life with mounting unpaid medical and utility bills. No. You’re not interested in leaving. At least, not yet.

“I like it here.” The words leave your mouth without prompting, and you want to take them back. They sound too comfortable, too sincere, and Price might shy away if you appear too eager.

But he only nods. “Good.”

Giving your thighs one last squeeze, Price pushes off the bed, sliding off to stand at his full height. Staring down at you, Price reaches up to undo one button and then another, revealing more of his chest and stomach.

Price is all thick muscle, and the soft brown hair on his chest trails down his stomach to disappear below the waistline of his pants. You sit up slightly, tugging on the hem of your dress to secure it back into place.

It’s a nervous habit, a sudden inflection of uncertainty. Why are you nervous? So what if you fuck him? You’re never going to see Price after tonight. Might as well get this out of your system and be done with him.

With one fluid movement, Price removes his belt. “Tell me again. Do you want this?”

You take a deep breath. “I want this.”

His voice drops. Becomes a husky growl. “Turn over. Hands and knees.” The command is raspy and needy. It draws you to action, causing you to comply without thought. Your autonomy is gone or, at the very least, surrendered.

There is a brief rustling sound, like that of a cellophane wrapper, then Price settles in behind you, the bed dipping where his knees rest. Between then and when he touches you is agony. But when he does, it is gentle, just fingers against the backs of your legs. In the mirror, you watch Price, his gaze focused on where his hands are.

He glances up, smirks, and then those fingers become palms that grasp at your dress, shoving it up over your hips. You’re completely bare to him other than your underwear which is shoved to the side.

Your hands fist the bedding in anticipation. Price’s hands are on your waist, and then he’s lining you up, the head of his cock beginning to sink in. He splits you open, stretching you deliciously, pulling a sharp moan from your lungs.

“You can take it. I know you can,” he rasps as more of him slides inside.

Your pussy flutters around him.

“That’s it,” he coos. “You’re doing so well, love.”

As you start to adjust to his size, Price thrusts shallowly, retreating a bit before trying again, adding more of him a little bit at a time.

“Captain,” you groan, because it’s the only thing you’re able to manage.

“Captain?” he chuckles, this time thrusting hard. “What happened to ‘John?’”

“Fuck me, John. Please.”

Saying his name, drawing it out, snaps something inside him.

Fingers slide upward, and then both of his hands are around your neck. John’s fingers intertwine, locking into place. He’s not squeezing. Not chocking. Simply holding.

“If it’s too much, you smack the top of the bed, love.” Price lightly squeezes your throat. “I won’t be gentle.”

Price’s hands around your throat tightens more, enough to make your heart race but not to obstruct your breathing. Your body begins to tingle, the animalistic urge of dangerous anticipation flowering from the recesses of your brain. You sink into the feeling, allowing it to spread until your skin is buzzing with frenzy.

Using only your throat as a support, Price starts to fuck you. He keeps you in place, leaving you unable to move much as he snaps his hips against you, his cock hitting so deep you feel him in your stomach.

The sound of your bodies coming together over and over again is loud in the room, nearly swallowing up his harsh grunts and your breathy moans of pleasure. Price takes complete control. His hands might be around your throat, but he effortlessly bounces you up and down his length in a steady, rhythmic pace.

With his hands around your throat, you are forced to keep your head up at the mirrors. From this position, you can watch as Price’s cock slides in and out of your pussy. You can see the sweat on his brow, and the gorgeous corded tension in his muscles.

Price’s hands tighten around your throat a bit more as his pace increases, quickly turning into frantic, frenzied thrusts. Your breathing isn’t restricted, but you feel lighter, your body buzzing from the sheer power in each thrust.

“Fucking hell, love. Look at you.” Then, again, but more of a growl. “Look.”

The mirror reveals all, including your perfectly dazed, blissed out smile as Price owns your pussy, claims it for himself. You’ve been fucked before, but not like this. The dominating relentlessness is sinful, and the submission to it is salvation.

“Perfect,” groans Price. “Made for me.” He’s lost in it. Drifting. His pace changing as he struggles to stay afloat. But you hardly care, because watching Price’s change in the mirror is its own kind of arousal. You’re doing this to him, and that in itself is a fucking victory.

Shifting your weight to one hand, you reach between your legs to play with yourself. With Price’s hold on your neck, it’s a bit difficult, and it stretches your back, adding a bit of tension in the way he holds onto you. It only takes a few gentle circles of your clit before you’re clenching hard around him.

He groans, then slams his hips flush against yours, keeping still as you ride out your orgasm.

“Fuck,” he groans. “Fuck.” The second is drawn out, almost caught off at the end.

The moment your pussy eases up, Price goes all in, fucking you until every thrust punches the air from your lungs and your fingers twists the bedding beneath you. Through the mirror, you observe the soft flutter of his eyelids as his own end comes crashing into him.

He grinds forward, a throaty gasp escaping him as he stills.

There is a pause, a hanging in silence before Price eases up on your throat. He slides out of you and you whimper at the loss, but it is temporary. Price eases you down on the bed, your limbs almost giving out.

“Stay here,” he says.

Like you could go anywhere.

You run a hand over your face, twisting slightly to look over your shoulder. Price tosses the condom into the trash bin and then grabs a couple items off the shelf. He deposits them on the bed.

“Open for me,” he says, and you do. He begins cleaning you between your legs with one hand while the other gently rubs the muscles in your thighs.

You lay there, starting to relax, chest no longer heaving from the exertion. He tosses what he needs to in the trash, and then he’s sliding back into the bed, drawing you close to him.

“Is this okay?” he asks.

“Yes,” you murmur.

Price settles in, keeping you against his side. “We only have a few minutes like this.”

“I know,” you reply, suddenly feeling a slight tug of disappointment.

What the fuck. What the actual fuck did you do? Why do you keep torturing yourself like this? Why do you keep going, and sliding up to Price every chance you get? Why did you fall into his arms so easily?

You know the answer. You’re weak, and the attention is nice. That’s it. That’s all this can be. All you’re after is a bit of attention. That’s what you tell yourself, because the simmering truth is beast you don’t want to face.

Price rests his hand on your back, and you place yours on his chest, relaxing in his arms for a few minutes until he finally squeezes your hand in quiet signal.

“I’ll go first,” he murmurs, and you catch the slight tremor in the way he says it, like the words are painful for him. “Wait a couple minutes after me.” Price brushes a strand of hair out of your face, then his thumb rubs across your cheekbone. His thumb falls to your lip, and it is then that Price leans in to place a kiss there before drawing away and heading to the door.

He pauses before opening it, glancing back at you before exiting.

Not even a goodbye. Sure, Price. Whatever.

You stay on the bed, counting the seconds until you find the fortitude to sit up and stand on wobbly legs. You stare at the door, smoothing and resmoothing the front of your dress. You have to go out there. You have to.

Taking a deep breath, you somehow drag up the courage, pushing down on the handle and stepping out into the VIP room. The red lights stain everything, and Olivia still lingers at the pole. Price is back in his old spot while Dimitri and his companions laugh and pour vodka into glasses.

The best thing for you to do is to leave, and to do so quietly.

As you head for the main door that leads out into the hall, you notice Price’s gaze momentarily tracking you. Dimitri says something to, and by the look on his face, you know it’s something repulsively snarky. Yet it’s muffled, and you don’t catch anything he says, but you do hear Price.

“I’d say she’s mine now,” he snaps, breaking his connection to you to stare Dimitri down.

You nearly trip off the edge of the raised platform when you hear the unhinged growl in Price’s tone. Dimitri barks a laugh but you’re not interested in staying in the same room as the man.

Before you step through the curtain, you glance back and notice Price watching you again. You’re not sure what you see there. It’s not sadness, but something else.

A quiet contemplation.

A consideration.

But this is only tonight. It is not forever or even for another day.

You need to remember that.

Shoving it down, you swallow the bitterness until you feel nothing.

taglist:

@glassgulls @km-ffluv @glitterypirateduck @tiredmetalenthusiast @spicyspicyliving @childofyuggoth @coffeecaketornado @aykxz98 @kayden666 @36namey @pearljamislife @wrathofcats @keiva1000 @tapioca-marzipan @cherryofdeath @pertinentpostmortem @enfppixie @bbyfimmie @kittytiddywinks @berarenado @daemondoll @saoirse06 @ninman82 @no-oneelsebutnsu @thewulf @hayleybarnesx @lxblm @ferns-fics @beebeechaos @enarien @sw33tsnow @kessi-21

[the-final-sif]

my only thing is how distressed she was while talking about it. Like yes, objectively, what she describes is pretty vague and unclear, but the way she behaved while describing it.. idk I feel like we can read between the lines. Although a “clearer” explanation might have been preferable, I can’t really wave this aside like I could with the dream allegations. There are no perfect victims and all that

Her level of distress does carry implications, but I really hate making assumptions in situations like this about what things actually meant.

I also don't think this should be waved off if she is talking about him, but waving something off isn't the same thing as wanting more context and to hear the other person's side of things. That's why I'm clear that I don't feel comfortable offering judgement without knowing what she meant.

Like, listen, I've had interactions with drunk people that were very uncomfortable, sometimes with a raptor on glove. Drunk people suck at picking up social cues and they're annoying, and interactions that they may have not meant anything by can come off very scary, particularly if you are also drunk. Someone can mean nothing by something or just to play around and have it come off horribly.

I'm speaking from personal experience on both sides of things. I've had people think I was attacking them and thought someone was being creepy towards me, or even had really upsetting interactions only to find out after talking things out later that the other person experienced the situation totally differently. I've had guys think I was flirting with them when I was trying to make friends, and thought guys were flirting with me when they were also trying to make friends. Misunderstandings happen in real life, and sometimes people get hurt even when that wasn't what you meant to do.

It's why I want context for what happened in the interaction, since her statements don't have specifics for what she means by something. Particularly because she does explicitly call out that this took place in front of other people, and that he was trying to mess with her and distract her from her phone game. Like, that throws me off by a lot since both of those indicate more towards a situation that may've been a bad idea but may not have been malicious.

Like, it's just that context really matters for if this could have been a misunderstanding or not. I wish the best for her regardless, but I'm not ready to make a call on how I feel about George, if it was him, without any of the context of what his side of things was or what specific actions he took/words he said.

[hxhhasmysoul]

I read somewhere that said Yuji is parallel with Getou (because in an interview Gege said that both were too kind and sincere in a cruel JJK world). Do you agree?

I've spent over an hour trying to find an interview where Gege said something like that and came up with nothing, so I'd love to know at least which interview this is from, like date or publication's name, if not a link to a transcript.

I don't read Getou as particularly kind personally. His disagreement with Gojou, before they switch positions further down the line, feels quite detached and "academic".

People who follow this blog will be shocked, but I think Gojou is spot on calling out that Getou is trying to be righteous. He's wrong in his disdain for the weak, obviously, but he's not wrong about Getou.

Getou is very clearly repeating something he heard at school or from the jujutsu establishment. He has very clearly bought into their framing of that separates the sorcerers from the general population and also looks down on the normies, considers them weak.

Because this is internalised propaganda and and duty but not some deep personal conviction about the value of life or whatever, faced with reality it crumbles.

He very clearly sees himself as separate from the normies. And here it seems that his choice to protect them as a sorcerer was made after the events with Riko. It's unclear if it was the first time he'd made that choice, for example when he became a student, but it seems that he made it at that point (again?).

The jujutsu world doesn't care for the weak at all, sorcerer and normie alike, it will exploit its own weak like it did with the Star Plasma Vessels, or it will abandon them like it did with Mimiko and Nanako. And because Getou has fully embraced the otherising of non-sorcerers he turns to full blown fascism in which he wants to create a good world just for his own.

___________________

Yuuji's convictions come from within himself. They are deeply rooted in his compassion for others, in his discomfort with the suffering of others.

And he justifies his involvement in jujutsu through there being a thing only he can do to prevent some curse related deaths.

Yaga really strongly challanges Yuuji's convictions in the scene above, he wants to drag something real out of him, something he can trust. And maybe it'll be a leap, but maybe it's because of the regrets he voices.

Regrets concerning Getou.

And it's not only about someone dying fro Yuuji. He show's this concern to the mother of the convict from the detention centre, he shows so much compassion and understanding to Junpei. He understands the gravity of killing Eso and Kechizu, he sympathises with Chousou's pain in their fight. And so on.

He even values the lives of the American soldiers that Kenjaku invited and he gets upset with Angel who acts like their lives don't matter.

Shibuya and the Culling Games haven't beaten out of him the ability to value human life. Because for him it's a true conviction, it's not a duty, not internalised propaganda.

Yuuji's convictions are so strong and true that he even affects Megumi who starts to question the propaganda he'd internalised.

He actually takes the time to consider why he saved Yuuji. He visits the mother of the guy killed in the detention centre. He asks Maki why she saves people.

He doesn't go super far with all of that, his life philosophy is very deeply ingrained in him. But he is affected because his convictions are as weak as Getou's in the beginning.

But there isn't some switch between Yuuji and Megumi in the way they approach others. As there is between Gojou and Getou.

Megumi partially infects Yuuji with the cog mentality, but Yuuji doesn't completely succumb to it and recently he's been showing more and more initiative in how he handles things.

___________

But the lack of similarity goes beyond just their mindsets.

They are approached completely differently by the Jujutsu Society.

Getou was valued among his peers, recognised as a special grade. Even when he defected and started committing violence against the normies he never became a priority for the jujutsu world. There was a death sentence on his head but he seemed to be perfectly capable of operating semi publicly in JJK 0. The sorcerers only take active interest in him once he comes to challenge them. Because in reality he's no threat to them, just to the normies.

Yuuji is considered a normie who consumed a dangerous cursed object. The elders don't see him as human and the sell that view to the Kyoto kids.

Which only Miwa has a problem with, the rest of them are really well indoctrinated.

Sukuna is a threat to normie and sorcerer alike so he cannot be ignored like Getou. He and his vessel need to be eliminated.

So obviously they don't share story and character arcs.

______

So in conclusion, no, I don't see parallels.

If you tell me which interview that comparison supposedly comes from, I could maybe try to understand what that was about.

What Gege actually has said about Getou in one of the interviews is that they wanted it to be clear that Getou had a choice, that they didn't want it to seem like a duh that Getou hated people. That's why the conversation with Yuki is there, to show how he chooses to draw these conclusions, a conversation the fandom loves to misinterpret.

Yuuji has experienced so far a similar if not higher level of trauma than Getou at the point of his defection. Yuuji is constantly faced with such choices in the manga, choices to stop caring about the lives of others, and he never takes them.

I actually find it upsetting when people draw these parallels.

[utilitycaster]

26. freebie question, a good while back (before the party split) you mentioned that a possibly interesting ship would be Imogen/FCG. Obviously canon has not gone that direction, but I'd love to hear your thoughts on Imogen and FCG's relationship :D

It is interesting because Imogen hasn't interacted with FCG a ton. I think that friendship sort of fizzled out once FCG started believing in their personhood and particularly after they began building a relationship with the Changebringer. Imogen was not terribly supportive of that (possibly jealous, or possibly just not sure how to engage with it) and so there really hasn't been much.

They are really interesting as parallels, actually, though actually pretty much everyone in the party except for Orym and Chetney fit in this to some degree. Like Imogen (and Fearne), FCG was given particular powers by a megalomaniacal entity, for the purpose of furthering those goals. I think Predathos grants somewhat more agency to loyal Ruidusborn than Aeor entrusted FCG with, though that is to be seen, but there's something very tragic, in my mind, from Imogen's perspective, about how FCG was the tool of a destroyed empire, and so while he still carries those scars and consequences, he actually does have the freedom to be his own person. FCG has to manage a serious chronic condition, essentially, but they don't have missions, and unless some of the wilder theories are right (and they could be, though I have my doubts) the ones who did this to them are long dead. Is this her future? Will she be left with dreams and telepathy even if they defeat Predathos? Will they be the upsides (controllable sorcery powers) or the downsides (nightmares, uncontrollable sorcery powers)? Why did FCG get to just sleep through the hard part and she has to fight her way out?

It really is a fascinating thing about the party: Fearne and FCG were designed to be who they are (though Fearne's upbringing at least was her own). Ashton was partially created in a cult ritual (though it remains unclear if they were the intended recipient or merely the one it happened to stick to). I don't think Imogen was planned a la Fearne, but I do wonder if Predathos or the Weave Mind did specifically target Liliana to ensure her daughter would also be Ruidusborn. While the nature of Laudna's sorcery abilities hasn't come up (and, to be fair, a lot of sorcery abilities in D&D are just like "well that happened to your baby, idk what to tell you") she was used by Delilah for that as well. So much of this party shares this with Imogen and FCG but I think they are the most extreme examples (Fearne is mostly unaffected physically/mentally though obviously learning of her origins is unsettling and upsetting, and Ashton and Laudna's situations mostly hurt them and not as often others, though Laudna's is increasingly a crapshoot) and I think as this became apparent and as they both grew more comfortable with who they were they sort of lost that connection.

They do still share a lot of powers though and I'd love to see them talk again - Laura and Sam always play off each other well, and those earlier interactions where they both tried to read each other's thoughts, or coordinate probing Ashton or Ollie's mind, or the first casting of Shared Dream were all delightful - but they have drifted apart since.

[sixteenseveredhands]

The Lion of Mari, from Syria (Mesopotamia) c.1782-1759 BCE: this is one of two lion statues that once guarded the entrance to a temple in ancient Mari; the lions were partially crushed when Hammurabi laid waste to the city in 1759 BCE

That's a pretty fitting expression, given the circumstances

Together, the two lion statues that were found at the ruined temple are known as the "Lions of Mari." They were unearthed from the ruins at Tell Hariri, where the ancient city-state of Mari once stood; this site is located near the border between modern-day Syria and Iraq.

The lions were likely designed as protomes, given their lack of hindquarters. They were originally stationed on either side of the entrance to the temple, so they are often described as the "temple guardians."

This is the same statue that appears in the first three photos, just seen from a different angle

It's believed that the temple at this site was originally built in honor of a West Semitic deity known as Dagan. Dagan was the chief deity of the Mariote pantheon; he was a particularly prominent figure in the middle and upper regions of the Euphrates, with cult centers in Mari, Terqa, Tuttul, and Ebla, but he was known throughout many parts of the ancient Near East.

The lion is primarily made of copper, with limestone and shale inlay for the eyes, and it measures 53cm tall, 77.5cm long, and 43cm wide, weighing roughly 55kg (about 21in x 30.5in x 17in, with a weight of 121lbs)

The Lions of Mari were partially crushed when their temple was destroyed (along with the rest of Mari) by Hammurabi's forces in 1759 BCE, leaving the statues badly warped...which is why they look really upset.

It's hard to find high-quality photos of the second lion, but he does have a particularly distinctive appearance:

This second lion was most recently housed at the National Museum of Aleppo, in Syria, though its current location/status (in the aftermath of the Syrian Civil War) remains unclear.

These photographs were taken during the original excavations at the ruined temple; they depict the first lion statue as it was still being unearthed (top) and the second statue shortly after it was removed (bottom)

Sources & More Info:

The Louvre: Lion of Mari

Archeologie.culture.fr: Lion Protome

Archeologie.culture.fr: Detailed Information about Ancient Mari

Virtual Museum Syria: Lion Sculpture

[bestworstcase]

man jaune is not a reliable source of information is he

“you’re the one who gives afterans to the tree” “i help them return to the ever after, yes”—this is not new information the cat literally told them exactly this like an hour ago. “i’m not taking you there to ascend, i’m taking you there because you all have such delightful information for me!”—which is what their entire plan was, feed the cat information in exchange for being led to the tree, because they decided they needed to get to the tree. “you pretended like you’d never heard of the story”—the cat didn’t know that alyx wrote a book but does know why ascension isn’t in the story; it’s still entirely unclear whether they understand that these two things are the same thing as far as the girls are concerned

“what happened when you took alyx and lewis to the tree” “i… i don’t know. she told me she would take me with her, through the door to remnant, but… she tricked me”—the cat says they didn’t share any of this because they never asked, and when ruby asks directly they give an honest answer. “just like all of you… you only want to use me in the same way i’ve only seen others as sources for knowledge and entertainment; well, at least now i know what not to do”—the cat isn’t angry or even particularly upset with them, and their acknowledgment of how the girls hurt them goes hand in hand with acknowledgment of how they hurt the girls, and then they just—not only leave but they take the crossroads with them. (“i thought there was more to the story,” they thought this storm was an opportunity to clear the air and get the whole story out there, but these three have already made up their minds, and the cat recognizes that they messed up, so they’re not going to leave the girls just stuck here if that’s not where they want to be)

“thank you for this lesson, ruby. rose, huntress. i’ll be on my way now.” <- truly insatiable hunger for knowledge, huh. but also grabs them by the scruff why did you phrase it like that what are your secrets

meanwhile yang and blake don’t have this particular baggage so they get split off from the rest and, with no real reason not to, figure out and then commit to playing by the ever after’s rules—okay, we make progress when we say stuff about each other that we’ve never said before, let’s be brave and completely honest with each other so we can get where we want to go—with the result that they solve the riddle and make it out of the storm on their own.

it’s interesting too that Yet Again ruby has been interrupted before she can answer one of the ever after’s challenges—the herbalist’s trial, the blacksmith’s offer, now this. (the cat was the one who interrupted, each time.) (and now the cat has left them.) and jaune + weiss + ruby are all given the same crossroads because they all have the same problem, which is festering guilt about the things they couldn’t save (penny for jaune, atlas for weiss) or couldn’t be (summer for ruby)

ruby did NOT want crescent rose back holy shit

neither jaune nor the cat knows what actually happened to lewis (and i mean. his name is lewis. so. question mark. if these kids were real which one of them really made it home to tell the story, and if these kids were fictional—stares hard at “like this whole world was simply make-believe and the rules didn’t apply to her” don’t think i missed THAT—then alyx/lewis being split halves of the singular character who made it into the book is really. hmmm. one is kind and clever and the other thinks the world is her personal fairytale, huh.) also “she lost all trust in us, started accusing us of things, the more i tried to get the story back on track the more she distrusted me” well yeah. funny how that happens when you treat someone like a storybook character you need to railroad into a specific path? jaune’s belief that that’s what the cat does is exactly why he hates the cat!

i want to know why jaune is so sure that alyx returned to remnant but lewis never made it home

[canonicallyanxious]

I have so many thoughts and also questions about the Alan/Wen relationship so I'm just gonna dump it all here in typical incoherent bullet point style:

First of all I just want to say why do I know these gay people who still live with their ex in real life except they're lesbians agsjdhdjdj mlm/wlw solidarity but in being Messy Bitches I fuckin guess

I'm incredibly interested as to why they haven't told people why they're not together anymore, and also why they have to pretend in front of other people that they're together. I mean it seems pretty significant if even Wen's father who he has a very close relationship to doesn't know the full details of their relationship status, i would think if you had a close relationship with your family they'd be among the first to know about a break up. Gong might know they've split up (I think how nonchalant he was about Wen having a one night stand supports this) but still unclear at this point, maybe he just knows they're having some sort of big conflict or are on a break or something. Maybe there's a social dimension to it? I don't feel i know enough of Thai culture and social conventions to make a confident guess here skdjfskjdf but i would be surprised if there wasn't some sort of reason other than "it's too awkward we don't wanna" - and if there is a reason i'm guessing this is why Wen hasn't been forthcoming about the details of his personal life with Jim, though i really can't guess at this point what that reason might be

so my very first reading of the "i don't love you anymore" "that's a shitty excuse" scene when the trailer dropped was that Wen was maybe trying to break up with Alan but Alan for whatever reason wasn't letting him and you know what i still stand by that or at least like the general sentiment of that. i think it could go either way whether that scene is a flashback (to give context to why they're in such a bad situation now) or present day (to push the development of Wen and Alan's relationship forward); personally i lean toward flashback bc of Wen's emotional state in that scene, he seems much more sad and upset than angry and bitter like he does now with Alan, but i guess we'll find out next week!

I don't have anything resembling an intelligent guess as to what Gong was referring to when he said "you should have asked him if he wanted you to do it" or whatever the phrasing was but I'm guessing whatever happened there is at least a part of the reason why their relationship failed and maybe even a part of the reason why Wen is so cold to Alan now. idk it feels potentially quite big to me, like sure it could have been one isolated incident but based on what we've seen of Alan's character (my guy has some control issues #yikes) it strikes me as possibly being more of a pattern rather than one fuck up though at this point who can really say

Speaking of Gong, I find his friendship with Alan interesting. He claims he doesn't want to take sides or get caught up in the middle of their fight, but I think there are pretty clear signs of whose "side" he's taken: for example in the first episode he doesn't open the message when Alan asks where Wen is so that Alan doesn't know he's seen it and even goes so far as to check with Wen first what he should tell Alan (this does not read as particularly neutral behavior to me, personally); when Alan pointed out they're both friends too and if he really was staying neutral he'd tell Alan what was going on too his response was that Wen was talking with someone and that was all he knew even though he knows they had a one night stand, almost like he went with the bare minimum to get Alan off his back; and his comment at the end of his conversation with Alan of "maybe you should do nothing" felt very pointed esp with accompanying expression. What I'm curious about is why Gong still feels the need to keep up any sort of friendly pretense with Alan. Maybe it's a situation where he knows more than he's supposed to (like if Wen confided in Gong but no one is supposed to know they've broken up for whatever reason)? Or maybe there's some other social dimension to it, idk

[pickalilywrites]

Secret Santa at work. Levi and Zeke are both stuck when they picked each other's names 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

thanks!! hope you like it :) it was unexpectedly fun

secret santas

rivetra. the office au. 3468 words. read on ao3.

“I don’t particularly enjoy the holidays,” the branch head says aloud. It’s rare that he speaks without being prompted by the film crew first. He still refuses to look at the camera when he speaks and his expression says he’d rather be working than wasting his time filming, but it’s still progress. “Holiday parties seem like a waste of time to me, but it was strongly suggested that we hold one this year.”  

The camera cuts to a woman outside the office. She wears a cozy, white turtleneck, a red pencil skirt, and black stockings. On her head she wears reindeer antlers and bell earrings dangle from her ears, jingling whenever she moves her head. As far as holiday outfits go, hers is moderately festive compared to those in the office wearing Santa outfits or dressing up as elves.  

Levi’s expression has changed ever so slightly, a little less terse and a little softer. It reverts to its familiar unpleasant scowl once he notices the cameras focusing on his face once more.  

“It’s the first time I’ve ever really seen Human Resources get along with the rest of the employees. They’re usually placed here to serve management. I dislike company parties, but everyone else seems to enjoy them. Even if it cuts into the workday, it seems to boost morale and that’s always good for production,” Levi says. He observes the woman outside his office window a little longer, the corner of his lips turning slightly upward as he watches her reach towards a crooked paper snowflake on one of the windows and straighten it so that it’s evenly spaced between the other snowflakes. “Petra told me that she would make sure to clean everything up afterward. I told her to ask for volunteers, but she insisted that she clean up the mess since it was her idea to hold the party in the first place.”  

His gaze is interrupted by a pair of his employees — Connie Springer and Sasha Braus — walking by, chatting as they carried presents wrapped in newspaper with only a label of the intended recipients’ names. At the sight of the gifts, Levi’s expression sours and his shoulders hunch over.  

“We’re having a Secret Santa activity,” Levi explains, although it’s unclear why a simple Christmas game would upset him. The branch head rolls his eyes and pulls open a drawer. He grabs a small package the size of a fist and places it on his desk. It’s also wrapped in newspaper with a label on it, but the label is turned so that the name is obscured to the camera. “I don’t see the point in such childish games when we’re all adults. You know that Petra was kind enough to invite everyone to the party, including employees that don’t work onsite?”  

The camera switches back to the view outside of Levi’s office where Petra can be seen speaking to a tall, bearded man with glasses. His outfit is minimally festive with just a Santa hat to indicate that he’s here for the holidays at all. The rest of his ensemble is business professional, a gray sports coat thrown over a black button-up and matching gray slacks. He’s dressed far more nicely than the other employees, who are wearing casual outfits if they aren’t wearing Christmas costumes.  

He and Petra have walked over to the Christmas tree that is set up in the corner and Petra is pointing towards an ornament towards the top of the tree out of her reach. He points towards the same one, leaning in towards her to make sure they’re looking at the same one. Once she nods in confirmation, the man reaches out to grab it and rearranges it according to Petra’s instructions. The entire time, Levi is watching with a scowl on his face. 

“Zeke is one of remote workers, but I suppose it’s only polite to invite him even though he hardly ever steps into the office. I was hoping I wouldn’t have to waste a gift on him,” Levi says. His fingers tap on the newspaper-wrapped gift he had set on his desk. When he notices the camera zooming in on the gift, Levi raises an eyebrow. “It’s nothing alarming. That would be unprofessional. Of course, I didn’t put too much thought into it either. It’s just a game, after all. I wouldn’t say I put no thought into it either. I would say ... I put in a very small amount of thought into it. That’s far better than nothing, wouldn’t you say?”  

The camera zooms in once more on the gift on Levi’s desk. It’s turned ever so slightly so that the name Zeke can be read in neat handwriting on the label. The camera then cuts away. 

⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙ ‧͙*̩̩͙❆ ͙͛ ˚₊⋆ 

The company party is in full swing. Petra had intended on taking the time to decorate the whole office herself, but many of the employees offered their assistance anyway, all of them wanting to partake in the holiday cheer (and get away from work if only for an hour or two). The entire floor of the office is decked from floor to ceiling with Christmas decorations: sparkling paper snowflakes plastered on the windows, a row of stockings hanging on the secretary’s desk, wreaths hung up against the wall along with holly and ivy. A large corner of the office has been cleared to make room for a Christmas tree glittering with lights and adorned with carefully placed ornaments of gold and silver. On the very top is a star that twinkles as its sparkles reflect the office lights.  

The food for the party is only allowed in the conference room — a rule that Levi has enforced in an attempt to contain most of the mess that is sure to come from crumbs and spilled drinks — but the aroma of sweet gingerbread, decadent hot chocolate, and fresh peppermint fill the entire office. Sasha is currently sampling all the food people have brought: a perfectly cooked turkey, cranberry sauce that glistens like rubies, creamy mashed potatoes with gravy, succulent roast beef, honey glazed ham, stuffing loaded with fragrant herbs, roasted carrots brushed with honey, soft and buttery dinner rolls, striped candy canes, a Buche de Noël dusted with powdered sugar, lovingly decorated gingerbread men with frosted faces, and eggnog. It’s a wonder how she’s able to balance everything on her plate without dropping even a crumb. 

“Are you going to be able to eat all of that?” Mikasa asks. She’s not judgmental, simply curious as she observes her coworker with a raised eyebrow.  

“Yup!” Sasha says cheerfully. Already, food is tucked into the pockets of her cheeks. She eats voraciously as if the food is about to disappear even though there is still plenty to go around. “I’m going back for seconds later!” 

“I’m surprised you haven’t gotten seconds already,” Jean says, but his snarky remark is missing its usual bite. He seems distracted, eyes scanning the room frantically for some unknown danger. He hovers behind Sasha and Mikasa almost as if he’s using them as a shield despite being much taller than both of them.  

“What’s going on with you?” Mikasa asks as Jean hunches down behind her. He’s still very much visible behind her.  

“He’s hiding from Eren,” Connie says, appearing at Sasha’s side. He has managed to get himself a turkey leg and is chewing on it enthusiastically.  

“Because he’s being a menace,” Jean says, but this additional information still doesn’t explain much of anything. Jean rubs at his nose which is a bright red despite him being indoors all day and the office being sufficiently heated.  

“Eren’s been sneaking up behind him and slipping snow down the back of Jean’s shirt,” Connie further elaborates.  

Mikasa and Sasha take a glance at Jean and take in the red nose, the way he’s shivering slightly as he hides behind them, and the damp splotch that has bled through the back of his sweater from all the melted snow. They nod and give Jean a sympathetic look.  

“Hot chocolate?” Sasha asks. She offers a cup of it to Jean, who takes it gratefully.  

“How did you even fit that on your plate?” Mikasa asks, peering at Sasha’s plate to see exactly how much food Sasha has arranged on her plate.  

Eren enters the room, his mitted hands obscuring whatever he’s holding. He has an impish grin on his face, and the snow that dusts his hair sparkles. “Jean! Where are you?” Eren calls in a sing-song voice. He looks around the conference room, green eyes filled with a mischievous gleam. 

“Eren, you’re going to get caught,” Armin hisses. Armin hovers nervously beside Eren. He’s turned slightly away from his friend so as to not be implicated once Eren is caught with his current mischief.  His eyes frantically scan the room. He looks ready to bolt at any moment. 

“It’s fine. This’ll only take a second anyway,” Eren says, still grinning from ear to ear. He’s eager to torment his office rival at least once more this holiday. “He can consider it my gift to him.”  

“A gift for who?” a voice asks.  

Eren jumps when Levi appears beside him. A snowball falls from his mitted hands in his surprise, crumbling into the carpet and already melting against the carpet fibers. Eren’s eyes are wide like a kid whose been caught with their hand in the cookie jar. “S-sir!” Eren stammers. “I was just ... going to show Jean this snowball I made him. You know, to celebrate Christmas and this wonderful snow we’re having.”  

Levi looks unimpressed, staring at Eren in silence for a moment before glancing down at the snowball melting at their feet. “Clean that up,” he orders before walking away.  

“Yes, sir!” Eren crouches down to scoop up the snow that’s still left. He mumbles about how this is all Jean’s fault under his breath.  

Outside the conference room other employees are mixing and mingling. Mina Carolina is decked out in a matching holiday sweater with Marco Bodt. The two of them are posing beneath the Christmas tree while Annie Leonhardt takes their photo. Despite being told not to eat outside the conference room, Reiner is by his desk showing Bertholdt, Pieck, Porco, and Marcel how many chocolate bonbons he can catch in his mouth. He only misses a few of them, picking them up quickly and blowing the dust off them before popping them in his mouth despite Bertholdt’s protests that it takes less than five seconds for germs to accumulate on food that has been dropped on the ground. Ymir is telling a story to Historia who’s giggling at the horrible impressions that Ymir is giving.  

“May I have everyone’s attention please?” Petra asks, clapping her hands. She smiles widely, happy to see that everyone is enjoying the festivities. “I would just like to welcome a very special guest that has so kindly taken the time to join us today. Please come in, Erwin!” 

Erwin Smith, the head of the company, walks in with a wide grin on his face. He takes off his hat and dusts of the snow, bowing his head as the office workers greet him. “That was a much grander entrance than I deserve,” he chuckles. “Please continue the party! I don’t want to interrupt anything.”  

Everyone looks happy to see the head of the company. He’s well-liked, kind, and personable, taking the time to visit the branch office and chat with employees every other week. Despite being at the top of the ladder, he feels more like a close manager that they could trust. The only person who doesn’t look happy to see him is Levi, which is strange because they tend to get along and even go out for drinks on the days Erwin does visit.  

⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙ ‧͙*̩̩͙❆ ͙͛ ˚₊⋆ 

“Do I know why Levi was upset to see me at the Christmas party?” Erwin Smith asks. He sits in the office’s break room as he’s being interviewed. In his hand is a cup of eggnog. “Not at all, although it’s not certain that I’m even the reason for his displeasure. It could be anything. You know how Levi is. He’s a good manager, but he can be difficult to read at times.”  

Outside the breakroom window, the employees are starting to gather around the Christmas tree and begin their game of Secret Santa. Erwin Smith, having been invited last minute, has not prepared a gift and does not expect to receive one. He has previously disclosed that he doesn’t mind not being included in the game.  

“It’s most important to me that my employees are happy, and it’s heartwarming to see everyone enjoying the festivities. Well, almost everyone anyway,” Erwin says with a small laugh. From where he sits, Erwin can observe Levi with a scowl on his face as the branch manager takes a seat next to Zeke. Erwin watches them for a moment, his expression amused. “It might be hard to believe, but I believe this is the most civil I’ve seen Levi and Zeke. If they can get along for even just a minute ... well, I’d consider it a Christmas miracle.”  

⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙ ‧͙*̩̩͙❆ ͙͛ ˚₊⋆ 

The Secret Santa game has been a success so far with most people delightedly surprised with their gifts and having fun guessing who had given them such a thoughtful gift.  

Annie was gifted a ceramic mug with a cat’s face on it from Bertholdt. He had even included hot chocolate mix with it. Mikasa had given Mina a knitted beanie and matching muffler which Mina put on immediately despite the colors clashing with her already vibrant holiday jumper. Armin received a book light and a book of poems from Marco. Jean was given a set of oil pastels and a drawing pad from Reiner. Each gift was unwrapped carefully in front of everyone, given a minute so that people could marvel, and then another minute for people to guess the Secret Santa.  

When it came Zeke’s turn to receive a gift, Petra plucked the small box with his name on it and plopped it into his hands. 

“Thank you, Petra,” Zeke says warmly, ignoring Levi’s glare. He looks down at his gift and makes a big show of holding it up for people to see, shaking it once or twice and pretending to guess what’s inside. “I wonder what it is.”  

“Maybe earbuds or a watch?” Eren suggests. “It’s about that size.”  

“Wasn’t the limit fifty dollars?” Historia asks with a wrinkle of her nose. “You wouldn’t be able to buy earbuds or a watch with that kind of money.”  

“Oh, you sweet, spoiled child,” Ymir sighs with a shake of her head. She strokes Historia’s golden hair lovingly. “You still have so much to learn about the world.”  

Zeke tears the newspaper wrapping and lets it fall to the floor. The other employees had torn the newspaper from their gifts carefully, folding it neatly and handing it to Mina to put in the recycling. Because Zeke doesn’t work in the office, he doesn’t fear Levi the way the others do and he seems to remain oblivious to Levi’s growing ire.  

Zeke finally gets to the final box, but it’s a simple cardboard box without any label or packaging to indicate what might be inside. He smiles as he cuts open the box with the scissors that Armin hands him. Once the box is open he reaches open and pulls out ... 

“... a rock?” Sasha asks confusedly as everyone stares, equally confused.  

A huge silence follows before Zeke’s face breaks into a huge grin. He turns to Levi. It’s impossible to know what Zeke is truly feeling with the large smile plastered on his face. “Levi, did you give this to me? What a fun joke!”  

As Zeke erupts into hearty laughter, the others do too. Nervously at first and then more genuinely as they take in how ridiculous the situation is: someone being gifted a rock? It’s true that Levi and Zeke have never really gotten along, but it would be silly to display his dislike so openly and in front of the company head as well. It could only be a joke. 

“How fun!” Petra says clasping her hands. She looks over at Levi with a smile. “Would you like to open your gift next, Levi?”  

“Sure,” Levi says stiffly. He had neither confirmed or denied being Zeke’s Secret Santa, but he supposes everyone has figured it out without any verbal confirmation from him and has taken his gift as a practical joke. Maybe it’s all the pranks Eren and Jean play around the office that make gifting someone a rock seem tame in comparison.  

Levi accepts the small parcel that Petra gives him. Despite its small size, around the size of a small box of chocolates, it’s quite heavy. He’s much more careful in unwrapping his gift compared to Zeke. Levi takes his time to peel the tape off and unfolds the newspaper from the package. He’s sure to fold the newspaper up into neat squares before handing it to Mina to put in the recycling. Like Zeke’s package, Levi’s gift is hidden in a cardboard box with no markings to indicate what might be inside. It’s a little too familiar.  

“Ah,” Levi says when he also pulls out a rock. It’s strikingly similar to the one that he had gifted Zeke, although he supposes there probably aren't very many differences between rocks to begin with.  

⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙ ‧͙*̩̩͙❆ ͙͛ ˚₊⋆ 

Zeke Jaeger looks almost bored as he sits in slouched in the chair in the break room. His elbow rests on the chair’s arm and his cheek rests against his hand.  

“Yeah, I got Levi for Secret Santa,” Zeke says. He’s different from the charismatic persona he typically displays in front of his other coworkers, a little less polished and a lot more candid as he talks almost disinterestedly to the camera. “I just walked into the nearest Home Depot and picked the first rock I saw on the ground. I didn’t put much thought into it at all.” 

⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙ ‧͙*̩̩͙❆ ͙͛ ˚₊⋆ 

The tension in the air is thick enough to be sliced with a knife. The office workers don’t know whether to look at Zeke or Levi, so most of them opt to stare at the ground nervously as the wait for the explosion that is sure to happen. It never does.  

“I love it,” Levi says. His tone is completely flat. He doesn’t sound convincing at all, but he’s never been enthusiastic about much anyway. He places his rock back in the box and looks at Zeke without cracking a smile. “What a coincidence. You’ve given me such a practical gift. I’ll use it as a paperweight. Thank you, Zeke.”  

“Of course, Levi. I’m glad you like my gift so much. It truly warms my heart,” Zeke replies, although his voice is lacking the charm it usually has. His words come out a little more stiffly than usual.  

Erwin smiles as he observes his employees getting along.  

⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙ ‧͙*̩̩͙❆ ͙͛ ˚₊⋆ 

“You know, I was a bit worried that Zeke and Levi wouldn’t get along during the party, but they behaved themselves. I think having Erwin here really helped. They really admire him,” Petra says.  

Despite joining the office later than the other employees, Petra became comfortable quickly in front of the documentary crew. She speaks without being prompted and shares information easily so that the situations documented in the office can be understood without much difficulty by potential viewers.  

Right now, Petra sits in the break room. The party is over and most of the decorations have already been taken down, but the holiday spirit still lingers in the air. Christmas music is playing on the break room speakers and holly is still hung around the doorframes and cupboards.  

“I’m glad everyone enjoyed the party so much. I was a little nervous that the Secret Santa game wouldn’t work out, but everyone looked that they had so much fun!” Petra says. In her lap sits her own Secret Santa gift, a beautiful floral teapot and an assortment of different tea leaves gifted to her by Eren. “I think everyone left the game with a gift they loved. It just shows how well we all know each other. Isn’t it a little surprising considering that everyone was assigned randomly?”  

The camera follows Petra’s gaze to somewhere outside the breakroom. Through the window, Zeke and Levi can be seen in stilted, awkward conversation as Erwin observes contentedly. The camera returns to Petra, who is smiling as she watches them.  

“Well, mostly random anyway,” Petra says with a laugh.  

[darkfire359]

I think it’s impressive how fond I’ve managed to become of Calico Jack over time. I pretty much 100% disliked him in the show, but there’s been a lot of good fanfic of him caring about Izzy and/or Ed underneath his assholish demeanor, and he’s grown on me. Also, there’s just a lot of well-drawn Calicohands fanart.

Rewatching the show several times, I find myself appreciating him more as more of a manipulator than a true idiot, and I definitely prefer that in a villain. I like the headcanon that he’s been calling Stede “Steve” as payback for the “Iggy” comments, and it seems clear now that a lot of his assholery is *actually* calculated to drive Ed and Stede apart. I can appreciate that.

But the thing that really gets me is him killing Karl. And not just that, but also seeing how upset Buttons is about it and still not giving a shit. Cruelty to animals and lack of caring when you’ve made someone cry are kind of hard to get past for me. At least theoretically.

Because the thing is, Ed did something arguably much worse—not just killing Fang’s pet, but FORCING him to do it himself. Then he watched Fang cry about it, and he was not only unapologetic, but he seemed to barely remember the fact that he’d done such an awful thing. And it’s implied that he made his owner crewmembers do the same! I feel like in fiction, something like that generally makes a character rank well past regular torture and murder in terms of evilness.

So, why is Ed still one of my favorite characters? Is it really just because his instance of pet-killing happened off screen? Or is it because we see Ed look so vulnerable in certain scenes (e.g. crying in the bathtub or by the window of Stede’s cabin) that he just mentally registers as being more similar to “cute fluffy puppy” than “killer of cute fluffy puppies”? I don’t know.

In lieu of any actual conclusion to this train of thought, I’m going to muse about Stede and Izzy:

Stede: People have done a lot of compilations about what a bitch he can be, and how he can be shockingly uncaring about his crew (not caring about Swede’s scurvy, thinking of Lucius’s death as simply “bad for morale”). And of course leaving Ed at the docks was astoundingly hurtful. But also, whenever Stede manages to notice that he’s hurt someone else, he actually feels super guilty about it. I feel like his obliviousness makes it easier to forgive him.

Izzy: Izzy goes around being an asshole for the entire show, but also, basically no one cares. Fang seems briefly hurt by the beard-pulling, but we see in e5 that he basically laughs Izzy off and calls him hurtful names in turn. Izzy threatens the crew while they’re eating in e4 and they return to what they’re doing as soon as he leaves. Stede manages to mostly forget Izzy exists unless Izzy is actively complimenting his theatrical skills. Lucius is a bit intimated at first, but quickly flips the tables by the end of e5. Ed seems completely unphased by Izzy’s yelling in e4.

It’s only in e9 where he finally hurts someone emotionally (Ed watching Stede about to be executed), but Izzy looks equally miserable himself with what Ed does that episode. In e10, he truly does hurt Ed’s emotions—but Ed covers it up with threats and acts of control to the degree that I’m not sure Izzy realizes the impact of what he’s done. After all, Ed hasn’t seemed particularly hurt by his yelling before. If Izzy actually saw Ed when he was curled up and crying, what would he do, I wonder?

In conclusion: I would have thought that things like “animal cruelty and unapologetically making other people cry” would be important things to me in a character, but it’s maybe less so than I thought (e.g. I like Ed more than Stede). It’s unclear why. I’m curious if other people who like Jack or Ed in spite of the Buttons+Karl and Fang+dog situations (and expect that you normally would care about those situations) have thoughts on this.

[shadowslocked]

Erin Frost Analysis

With Erin Frost coming back into the spotlight with new, questionable, evidence I’ve decided to go through what she has provided and make sense of the situation

Back in June 21, 2021 Erin dropped a complaint about how working at Spindlehorse had seriously messed with her mental health to the point of not being able to work on animation. She then clarified - in the post I’m linking below - more details of the work environment of Spindlehorse such as terrible work conditions, abusive employees particularly a Sam Miller, and frustrations with production.

Erin’s Frost talks About Spindlehorse

Back when this first appeared, while I was skeptical of some parts such as making fun of the Villainous crossover and complaining about Dana Terrace - as Vivienne not liking to work with her is not of my concern - and suspected that Erin might have bit off more than she could chew given she was already working 30-40 hours in retail/food service, I was willing to give benefit of the doubt that Erin Frost had experienced bullying and terrible work conditions.

While I do not know Vivienne in any capacity I largely trust one close friend for insight to her character, since they were around when Hazbin was just a concept. Mainly because while they disagree with most if not all of the controversies regarding Vivienne, they could see her not being a good boss and creating the kind of environment Erin described even unintentionally.

However with the recent reappearance of Erin Frost with new evidence including screenshots, that benefit of doubt has all but evaporated into skepticism. As such I’ve decided to go over all the current evidence provided and look through it, mainly for my own piece of mind as I try to understand the situation.

Let’s start with this:

Erin claims that Jane is exposing her medical history with the intent to defame her character. Now it needs to be stated clearly that I don’t agree with Jane Walker sharing this info as it was clearly meant to be kept between her and Erin. However I would disagree with intent to defame, as this would imply Jane is making up or exaggerating information in order to make Erin look bad and/or hinder her work, and using her medical history is just one way to do so.

While Erin helpfully enhanced the section regarding her medical history, she also cut out a small bit of it of what Jane was talking about and left the rest of the conversation faded out.

In case this is hard to see, I’ve pulled up both.

Transcript, Jan. 15 2021

[Erin: Hi I wanted to move this into private but I was recently diagnosed with ADHD. I’m still working with a psychiatrist on a treatment that works. I know this is kind of extra of me, but I struggle with auditory processing at times. My brain will literally skip words and I think part of why the confusion happened was because of that. I know I already mentioned it but in the future I’d like to have things written out at clearly as possible. We can still discuss things but I don’t trust my brain not to screw me like it did last time u_u

Jane: It’s all good Erin! I’ve had brain struggles in the past too. I will be itemizing tasks from now on. Are you good for the four tasks I assigned due by Feb 1st? Again I’m more than happy to move tasks around if that’s too much, I just need to know ahead of time.

Erin: I got kinda upset the other night because]

Transcript, date unclear:

[Presumably Jane:  -deadline missing thing, though if you can’t hit deadlines I can’t assign things to you.

Erin: Noted. I’d like you to take into account that I work a day job on top of freelancing so having assignments as far ahead of the deadline as possible would be appreciated.

Jane: I did ask on multiple occasions if you felt you were able to take on the work load and that I was more than willing to move things around to accommodate, so I do appreciate honesty in communication going forward

Erin: I think it’s best I pass off the Feb 1st assignments. I have a habit of miscalculating how much time I’ll need to complete an assignment. I also regularly overbook myself because I’m bad at saying no to people. I’d rather had off those assignments and spend the rest of January clearing off my plate [then?] making tenuous promises]

Given what we now see in full, Jane’s conversation with this third party doesn’t seem with the intent to defame but with intent to complain, more than likely about Erin’s inability to make deadlines and what appears to possibly be oversharing after Jane asked if she would be able to make the deadlines for February 1st. Which Erin passed on all four, wanting to instead focus on whatever assignments she has left for January

This would, understandably, frustrate anybody to have all of the assignments dumped rather than just a couple meaning now those assignments have to go to somebody else who hopefully doesn’t already have too much. Understandably Erin has her own life and was working at Starbucks, 30-40 hours, but deadlines are important to meet and your inability to do so will reflect heavily on you whether you like it or not. Add this to the fact that Erin largely keeps painting herself in a bad light - inability to say no leading to overbooking, habitually miscalculating time management, needing more time to work on projects that from the sounds of it should have been done to let her work on those for February 1st - paints Erin as an unreliable employee.

Still, despite Jane clearly not being happy about it in the conversation with the third party, she still appears professional and agrees to move things around and adjust to what Erin needs. Jane Walker’s feelings towards Erin, positive or negative, have no meaning to me, all I am focused on is whether she was trying to make Erin look bad and can only come to the conclusion that she was letting off steam to what she believed to be a trusted member. While I don’t think it’s wise to complain to other employee’s and/or co-workers particularly if you’re in charge, and especially don’t agree with sharing private convo’s like Erin’s ADHD history, I also cannot personally fault Jane Walker for the simple act of complaining as that would make me a hypocrite. We’ve all complained about co-workers after all.

Erin then claims that Sam Miller is using her authority to bully her, starting with this conversation with Jane Walker - February 18, 2021 - that then leads to talking with Sam Miller.

Having gone over this this conversation, it follows the same problems I noted in the previous evidence. Erin opens this conversation fretting over the workload as, again, she appears to have overestimated herself and miscalculated how much she can handle in the time frame. After going over everything that the task requires Erin tells Jane that getting them fully colored by the 22nd, which is four days away, is a stretch. There’s also the implication that something like this has happened before with “trying to be better about establishing my limits so we don’t have a repeat of last time.”

Jane Walker tells Erin that that Sam’s team will handle the chairs so that Erin doesn’t have to worry about it, which she doesn’t fight against, asking if Jane is sure and if she will need references.

February 20, 2021 - two days after the chairs assignment had been passed on - Erin Frost goes to Sam Miller to ask if there are any assignments she can do specifically with backgrounds.

Now I will say that Sam Miller does not come off as particularly nice. However Erin Frost claims that Sam is using her authority to bully her here in this screenshot and I am genuinely unsure what about it could be considered bullying.

There’s the off hand remark on the chairs being passed, but as much as I can read that as passive aggressive I can also just read that as just a simple “oh and there’s this, but that’s it.”

Erin tells Sam that she didn’t ask to pass them on, which to be fair is true, and that it was Jane who made that decision. Sam corrects her that actually she was the one who made the decision to take on the chairs assignment as Jane told her Erin couldn’t do it. Erin explains that she was only asking for clarification, but Sam points out that Erin had been unsure if she was going to meet the deadline in four days.

What becomes clear with these two screenshots lined up is that during her talk with Erin, Jane Walker must have also gotten in contact with Sam Miller about Erin being unable to meet the deadline. Which is why Jane tells Erin that Sam’s department will handle the assignment so she doesn’t have to worry about it. So it checks out that it was Sam who made the decision to take on the assignment.

It’s also true what Sam says, because Erin said “I can do them, I just think getting them in fully colored by the 22nd could be a stretch.” While Erin does express being able to do the assignment, she isn’t sure she can finish it altogether before the 22nd meaning it would be half-way done. If they’re trying to meet a deadline, this would not be a good thing which is why Sam takes it to her department.

Erin says she feels like she’s being penalized for a situation that wasn’t her fault, when previously she had no problem letting the assignment pass on to another department. There’s also the fact this isn’t entirely true as Erin admits in the talk with Jane that “-but it’s looking like a lot more than I originally thought.” This is also after Erin has expressed “ trying to be better about establishing my limits” once she allows the assignment to be handed over, and in the previous evidence where she admits to “not knowing how to say no to people, miscalculates how much time she needs, and overbooks herself.”

While Erin Frost may feel it was unfair and a punishment for the assignment to be taken from her - which again she had no problem with initially until this moment with Sam - I do think this is the right move on Sam Miller’s part.

Erin Frost expressed that she isn’t sure she can meet the deadline with a finished product, so Sam decided it was best for her department to handle it themselves as Sam said clearly “I cannot express how important this deadline needed to be hit” meaning this isn’t something they would be interested in waiting around for. The chair assignment was also clearly reaching Erin’s limits, being just a bit too much to handle, which is another reason that Sam decided to take the assignment.

We also have no indication that Sam Miller or Jane Walker are withholding assignments from Erin Frost, and given that both have appeared professional in their discussions with Erin - bar one line from Sam that I’ll get to - I find it unlikely that they wouldn’t inform her. However, it also needs to be pointed out that Jane has already told Erin that “if she can’t meet deadlines then [Jane] can’t assign anything to you.” Erin also has expressed needing a very specific window of time to do assignments but even then she has painted herself as largely unreliable in not understanding her own limits and taking on more than she can handle which we see first hand with these screenshots. If Sam and Jane had more work that needed to be done based just on these snippets from Erin I would be skeptical about giving them to her.

The only instance in Sam’s dialogue that makes me consider her rude is the line “Why would I have you do a job my artists could do and hit the deadline on time no problem?” which no matter what Sam may have been intending, does come off as passive aggressive. However, I can not consider this straight up bullying but a higher up being a bit of an ass, who should try to be more aware of her tone and what words she uses when talking with employees. If it wasn’t intended to be passive aggressive, then it’s a miscommunication which is significantly easier to do through text where tone is harder to figure out.

Altogether though I cannot consider this bullying, much less Erin Frost being punished when she was reaching her limit and unsure about if she could meet the deadline. The only other option aside from Sam not taking on the assignment would be to let Erin complete the assignment and then possibly be behind on the deadline, as there’s nothing to point to Erin being able to make it in time nor do any of the previous screenshots paint Erin in a positive light. It is not a punishment for an assignment you were unable to complete to be passed on to a larger group that can split the workload and get it done in the required amount of time, it’s a good move to not get behind on deadlines even if it feels unfair.

Erin Frost follows up with this afterwards:

We have no solid proof that Vivienne knows about any this, nor that she condones or encourages it. As for Sam and Jane getting the jobs due to being her best friends, this isn’t anything to be held against Vivienne given that she is running an indie project and close friends would be the most willing to jump into that kind of project. So long as Jane Walker and Sam Miller show that they can do the job and that they aren’t there just because they’re friends with Vivienne I don’t see this as a fault.

Moving on, Erin Frost then claims that Sam Miller and Jane Walker were trying to cover up her leaving using these two screenshots. Particularly that Sam had intentionally “gone after” another employee

I will say clearly that having read over these screenshots I’m not sure I can agree or disagree on the notion of a coverup.

Employees should always have a right to discuss why a co-worker left, especially in cases of have a toxic workplace environment. So Sam Miller saying “...no?” and then expressing to another it’s nobody’s business, and Jane Walker going “it feels like instigating” are definitely questionable. However neither of them explicitly tell people not to talk about Erin’s resignation, nor do they come off as forceful, just that it’s nobodies business.

In Sam’s case it sounded like it just happened and then she’s getting asked immediately afterwards about it when Erin’s resignation wasn’t made public. As such, I can understand Sam expressing that it’s nobodies business why Erin Frost resigned and then trying to figure out how people suddenly knew about it. Which Sam then leaves at “okay cool! I was just very confused” and then the conversation is over. If Sam had asked this third party to not mention Erin’s resignation at all, then that would be much more questionable.

There’s also the fact that, even if Erin had expressed her reasons for leaving was due to a toxic work environment, I don’t know why Sam or Jane would tell a random employee or any employee this. Not with the intent of cover up but largely because it can be a mood killer and that kind of information is something you would want to handle with other management and bosses.

As far as I can tell, Jane and Sam only want people not to ask them about Erin’s resignation as they feel it’s nobodies business. Questionable or not, it’s not enough to prove a cover up if they aren’t themselves enforcing it as a rule.

While I didn’t believe absolutely everything Erin talked about in her first post I was still wiling to believe that she had undergone some form of abuse while working with Spindlehorse as I have no in depth knowledge of what is going on behind the scenes and think it’s important to at least consider the possibility especially given we didn’t have proof at the time.

While the recent evidence has made me far more skeptical there is something else that has made me unable to fully trust Erin Frost. When she first came out with her claims, she also said this...

Erin Frost explicitly says she doesn’t blame anybody for wanting to just stay out of it and not jeopardize their livelihood. However after three months this stance has changed completely to Erin exposing Ashley Nichols as being one of her main supporters, and actively encouraging the fandom to go demand answers for why she didn’t speak up on the subject when it first appeared. Erin’s full Twitter Thread as of Oct. 26 2022

This is something I will always consider a dick move. No matter what comes after this post, what other evidence comes out, even if Ashley Nichols herself comes forward with the evidence Erin needs, I will never respect Erin Frost for this decision. Ashley Nichols does not have the incredible power like other people on the social platform, she isn’t small time from what I know, but she isn’t nearly on say Markiplier or Dreams level. The idea that Ashley, working on her own indie project that has yet to come out as of this moment, has this huge enough following and this incredible position of power that she can just risk everything to get into scandals and can sway the minds of the people does not make any logical sense.

It also, whether Erin Frost likes it or not, means that she can’t be trusted. Ex-employee’s that did go to her will now have to wait and wonder if eventually Erin decides she’s tired of waiting for them to come forward and will just expose them herself. We don’t even know if she has permission to use the screenshots from the ex-employee’s in this latest callout. Everything about this is a huge red flag that brings Erin’s character into serious question as all I can see is someone who is incredibly two-faced, claiming to be understanding but then throwing you under the bus as soon as she gets tired of playing nice and you meet her criteria as a perfect sacrifice for the mob of folks that want to know whats going on.

In the end, I feel like Erin’s evidence of workplace abuse is too weak and that her character is very questionable, and I hope that anybody who does come forward will do so because they want to and not because they feel like they have no choice.

Thank you for coming to my Shadow Talk.

[anryuuepic]

Test Subject: Mercury Bio

Name: Test Subject Mercury

Species: Daryan

Race: Whitescale

Role: A Test Subject of Winterkill Works, whose experimental power, like nearly all of the rest, backfired. A self-proclaimed “logical” man whose short fuse and propensity for holding vicious grudges go against the image he wishes to present. Has a particular animosity toward Mars and Orcus. 

Affiliation: Winterkill Works

Gender: Male

Age: 29

Height: 5’10

Appearance: Mercury is a man of average build and slightly taller than average height. His hair is golden blond and worn in a short, spiky cut that constantly looks untamed. His eyes are a light shade of warm-hued gray, and he wears rectangular-framed glasses. The most striking things about him are his perpetual sour scowl and matching nasty glare. 

Personality: Mercury is the kind of person who claims to be one thing, but is actually the complete opposite. He insists that he’s a logical, rational sort who has the only working brain amongst the Test Subjects, but the reality is that he’s hyper-aggressive, short-tempered, and dangerously reckless the second something makes him angry. He’s bitter, sarcastic, rude, and has a serious problem with people telling him what to do. Anything that upsets him earns a rapid, violent reaction... and he’s prone to holding grudges for longer than anyone reasonably should. A lot of this stems from a strong sense of pride; Mercury holds himself to a high standard, and he can’t tolerate letting his own expectations down, no matter what the reason for it may be. 

Positive Traits: Mercury’s pride is, in some ways, his best trait. Even though it drives him to a lot of his less-than-ideal behaviors, it also makes him want to constantly improve. When he does realize that he’s in the wrong, Mercury makes a genuine effort to improve. He’s surprisingly earnest; when one gets close enough to him, they’ll find that he’s a passionate person with strong emotions and very poor control over them. When he cares about something, he won’t give up on it for anything.

Negative Traits: Mercury’s greatest problem is his snap decisions and lack of thinking. He’s dangerously prone to acting before he thinks, and of all of his issues, that’s what’s given him the most trouble. His arrogance and deluded posturing aren’t much better, though, and his tendency to hold grudges is equally unpleasant. He has a major sadistic streak that he keeps thinly concealed— it most often comes out when someone has particularly earned his ire, and when it does, the results are hard to watch. 

History: Mercury doesn’t talk much about his past. The exact reasons are unclear, but it seems that he’s just ashamed of ending up a Test Subject after occupying whatever profession he did in the past. From what the others in the group have gathered, he likely did some kind of bureaucratic job, and it may not have ended on good terms. He refuses to say why he joined Winterkill Works as well, and that seems to be a much more sensitive subject. Overall, he clearly has something to hide about his past. 

Relationships: In general, Mercury isn’t on good terms with the other Test Subjects, nor the higher-ups of Winterkill Works. His bad attitude makes him very difficult to be around, and he seems to think of himself as better than everyone around him. He has a notably awful relationship with Mars and Orcus; the three of them are the kind of enemies that can barely be allowed  to exist in the same space without a fight of some kind breaking out.

Interests: Mercury likes historical studies, feeling important, and seeing others in pain (when they deserve it). He dislikes being looked down on by anyone, Mars and Orcus, and personal shame. His interests include reading (usually textbooks) and getting into pointless arguments with people. 

WW Role: As one of the specially selected Test Subjects, Mercury was given a particular experimental power. In his case, it was the ability to crystalize objects and living beings through a fine mist in his breath. Unfortunately, this mist turned out to be most effective on his own body... and beyond that, he often has to be quarantined when the concentration flares up. 

Miscellaneous: While Mercury is far from the “rational” person he thinks he is, he is quite intelligent. He most enjoys subjects just as history and political studies, but his knowledge is surprisingly well-rounded. He doesn’t know exactly what made him despise Mars and Orcus so greatly, but they’re all well past the point of ever getting along. He’ll never admit it, but the quarantine times terrify him— sometimes, he wonders if he’ll ever be let out of the containment cell again. The crystal that grows on his skin also has to be regularly removed, and the process is bloody and highly painful. 

Connotative Description: A highly arrogant man who believes himself to be logical, rational, and intelligent, when he’s actually a short fuse with anger issues, a sadistic streak, and a problem with holding grudges.

[viridianllamasinthesilentspace]

Sorting “Charmed Life” by Diana Wynne Jones

The way we play this game, your “Primary House” is WHY you do things, and your "Secondary House” is HOW.

I think, if we stuck Gwendolen Chant in the actual HP universe, she’d get Sorted Slytherin hands-down. But in the “Sorting Hat Chats” set of definitions, she’s actually a Gryffindor Primary/Ravenclaw Secondary. Why are these two Sortings different? My theory is this: Sorting Hat Chats is about description—the how and the why; the [canonical] Sorting Hat has to do with what you want to be. 

Gwendolen is a Gryffindor Primary whose main “truth” seems to be I should rule the world, and everyone should praise me. She might perform Slytherin Secondary (aka pretend to have one), I think, but if you look at what she actually does, and the places she is most powerful, they tend to come from a Ravenclaw Secondary’s strengths of preparation and collection.

Her Ravenclaw Secondary is in the way she preps spells; the way she doesn’t actually deal too well with immediate and in-the-moment conflict; but, most of all, in her theft of Cat’s lives. She is a powerful and upsetting character, but that power doesn’t come from her responses in the moment (like an adaptive Slytherin [Secondary] or charging Gryffindor Secondary might), but in decisions she’s made, plans she’s set, and magic she’s collected.

Poor Cat, clinging to Gwendolen, is a Loyalist of some kind—by which I mean either a Hufflepuff or Slytherin Primary. I think Hufflepuff. He’s got such loyalty to spaces, to groups, and to kindnesses. His loyalty is not sharp, discerning, or possessive in the way Slytherin’s tends to be (for canon examples, see Narcissa and Snape).

Cat clings most to Gwendolen, but you also see his thoughtless and genuine loyalty to Ms. Sharpe; Gwendolen’s double, Janet (eventually); and even the staff of Chrestomanci Castle. He is a passive creature—which has nothing to do with his Sorting, but does have a lot to do with how many of the other characters are unable to figure out what Cat’s Sorting is. Who is this kid who seems nice—but also standoffish—and who steps so complacently into Gwendolen’s malicious shadow? Cat is selfish and frightened, but I think still a Hufflepuff Primary, all the same.

His Secondary is hard to Sort, because he, in some ways, does so little in this book. We have to look for those bits of the book (the second half, mostly) where Cat acts and decides. When Gwendolen disappears and Cat is forced to act, he does so by adapting, reacting, lying, and improvising: a Slytherin Secondary’s ease at creating and twisting stories, and reacting to new and terrible surprises.

I don’t particularly care about Roger, so I find him hard to sort, sorry. But Julia delights me. She, I think, has the Slytherin Secondary that Gwendolen pretends to. Julia’s Slytherin, patient and placid, is a particularly sturdy-seeming version of that Secondary—but it is Slytherin, despite all of Slytherin’s bad press. Julia is reactive and adaptive, even if she’s not often very obviously ruffled. It’s her confidence and security in her position that make her seem so settled, despite the adaptive, quick-on-her-feet thinking she displays throughout the book. Her responses to Gwendolen are rapid, clever, and effective; whereas Gwendolen’s cruelties are planned out in advance, and painstakingly (and powerfully) built.

Julia’s Primary is more difficult—I’m  erring towards Gryffindor for her, as well, but I don’t have much to call on. The way she deals with Gwendolen’s bullying, and the way she reacts when Janet and Cat run away…It’s unclear, but that’s my guess. Her Secondary is beautiful, though.

I think Janet, Gwendolen’s double, may House-share with Gwendolen herself: Gryffindor/Ravenclaw. (Wouldn’t that be interesting, if each of the lives across the worlds/series shared Sortings, even if the way they enacted their Sorting was different? From the sound of Gwendolen, Janet, and the other mentioned doubles, this seems true: All Gryffinclaws.)

I definitely get Ravenclaw Secondary from Janet—she arrives unexpectedly in a new world and immediately begins by exploring, then questioning Cat fiercely and thoroughly, then searching the room drawer by drawer, looking for clues. She even has a bit of a challenge with the absent Gwendolen—a competitive little Ravenclaw Secondary game—seeing if Gwendolen has already found the hiding place that she herself is thinking of (behind the mirror).

For the Chrestomanci and Millie, I need to reread “The Lives of Christopher Chant” and “Conrad’s Fate” and, then, I’ll get back to you about them.

[troglobite]

lksjdflkdjf

she legitimately hurt my feelings when she said "that's unusual" and then condescendingly changed her explanation to be so over the top as to be more confusing.

but if i tell her that, she'll probably just get angry and defensive.

idk what's wrong w her.

but it's really fucking hurtful and frustrating that i know Something Is Wrong if i appear to somehow be pissing her off at every turn

even tonight watching tv, i'm just really tired bc i'm on my period (and also i cried for literally my entire therapy session today so i'm not doing great)

and i was fine pausing or rewinding or telling her what ppl were saying--bc there were no captions and it was taskmaster and she's notoriously bad w accents, and sometimes even i can't catch whatever it was they said.

but she didn't understand one task, so i tried to explain

she didn't indicate that she didn't understand

i was confused abt which part she wasn't understanding, bc she wasn't entirely wrong

then she said something abt it again, but it didn't clarify whether she understood or not, just a statement abt the task, so i paused to explain, and she got upset with me.

she cut me off.

and i'm just like.

i'm. trying.

idk what to do.

and i know she's pre-angry abt everything bc she told me to text her when i wake up tomorrow bc she "has a lot of chores to do"

which implies they'll be loud

which implies they'll be difficult

and she hurt her knee last night and felt sick tonight

but she

hasn't told me what the fuck the chores are

hasn't asked me to help with them

she automatically assumed i won't help

but when i offer or ask to help w things, she turns me down

and then when she's angry w me and i'm feeling particularly bad or can't do something, she lashes out at me.

this. isn't constant. it's just recurring.

and i'm. feeling. like, really fucking fragile rn.

so i'm just tired.

i'm just tired of always being a problem. of never being worth anything unless i can do something for other people. and even then sometimes i manage to step in it or be annoying or piss people off.

"it's about them, not you"

that's nice. even if/when it's true, it doesn't change the fact that i'm the one being hurt.

logically i know (bc i've had to learn on my own, i haven't actually been told this) that something is upsetting my mom or stressing her out, and that's why she's annoyed w me or snipping at me.

but that doesn't change the fact that she called her autistic kid unusual for needing something explained in a different way bc i was confused/it was unclear. and that she then deliberately made the instructions more unclear in a condescending fashion, to "prove" that i was being stupid. and then got mad at me when i kept pushing back and saying it's not unusual, all i needed was "face this direction" and i would understand, but "turn" is unclear.

like legitimately i'm doing so badly that i'm just thinking abt it again and i'm literally crying lol

idk what to do with any of that.

i feel like i can't do anything.

and i've felt like i was in trouble in therapy the last few weeks (i'm not, i asked her, bc she's someone i can just ask things like that) bc i'm. Stuck. and it feels like there's nothing or very little i can do, and what is available to me has a lot of really high barriers.

and i was doing my "shooting everything down" thing at her and i felt bad. and it was wild to hear her say "i understand why you are, bc those are high barriers and things are difficult"

and i'm still scared she's mad at me, even though she calmly told me she wasn't and just wants to help me not suffer as much, bc clearly i am. and then she asked me what i wanted, bc that's what she said she wanted for me.

even if she is actually frustrated or annoyed w me--bc legitimately, who wouldn't be? everyone i've ever met has become annoyed w me at some point, usually v quickly--she at least had enough professionalism and compassion to disguise it w legitimate things that were still probably mostly true.

as my mom has said my whole life, i just shoot things down and i never change or take any advice.

i'm just unusual and stubborn and selfish and annoying, of course.

meanwhile i don't think i've ever had a conversation w someone where i felt genuinely like myself.

and when i've almost tried, it's never ended well.

i'm just self-conscious bc like. she asks me a question in therapy and i just. ramble. i'm just. thinking out loud.

bc i just legitimately don't have any other space to do that thinking.

and when i'm doing it on here i'm already fucking spiraling. so idk how helpful it really is.

idk i'm just. feeling really fucking bad abt myself. and i don't have anything happening or coming up that's gonna help w that.

ashl/y g/vin's comedy special is on sunday. i hope it's as good as i think it'll be bc i really wanna laugh. (i censored her name so nobody searching for her on tumblr finds this fucking post)

i hate feeling useless bc being useful is all anybody ever likes abt me. and sometimes being funny.

like i know i'm on my period, my back/ribs still aren't better, my acid reflux tried to kill me two days ago, and my finch app is fucking broken and support hasn't gotten back to me and i haven't been able to use the app for three fucking days now--so i'm feeling More.

but i still just. feel this way.

and she hurt my feelings. she said something that hurt me. and she did it in such a casual way and nothing was really Wrong in that moment so it came out of nowhere and idk what to make of it and i'm tired of having to process this shit on my own while she doesn't process anything. i'm tired of having this resentment.

i'm tired of finding out how tight she is on money and knowing that that'll continue to be an excuse for us not seeing a counselor together.

i'm terrified that we won't move bc she doesn't want to

i'm upset bc she said last night something that meant she assumed i wouldn't help her w any aspects of the move

i'm upset bc i historically HATE moving and really struggle w it, so she might be right that my ability to help might be low

and i'm upset that she just. says things like that. to me. and then would get upset if i took offense or was also upset.

i'm upset bc she always insists she doesn't resent me or think these things abt me and then. she so clearly does. through her actions or things she says when she's mad.

i'm just fucking tired. i'm tired of not mattering. i'm tired of fighting to not get covid, to go to therapy, to try and keep myself busy, to try and rest and take it easy, and it all just being Bad or Useless. and that being my fault.

i'm tired of saying this shit on a post bc if i say it to someone, i'm throwing a huge load of this shit on them to deal with, taking up their time, and then they have to try and navigate a conversation w me, and there's a risk they say something that makes me feel worse or something.

i'm tired of just abt fucking everything.

and i'm really tired bc. i cannot leave this country. i can't escape. there is no hope for that. i have to fucking believe that being in the state i am will keep be relatively safe long enough to weather fascism, bc i can't immigrate. i can't be a refugee. and i can't work in any field legit enough to get me a visa. i can't go back to school. i can't do anything.

i'm literally stuck here no matter what.

and i just want to try and enjoy myself but every relationship feels like a minefield.

all of my anxieties and fears are just a burden on everyone around me.

i'm just a burden. and not one ppl enjoy or don't mind taking on.

and when i try to enjoy things, there's always someone within arms reach to make me feel bad abt the thing i enjoy, or not engage in the thing w me and like Aggressively Not Care abt it.

and sometimes ppl aren't just making me feel bad abt what i like bc they're mean, they're making me feel bad bc socially and politically it's Bad, even though it's just sort of. middle of the road. i get lumped in w ppl that they hate and get labeled annoying for liking the things i like.

there is, quite literally, nothing that i don't feel shame or embarrassment abt rn. or even just loneliness.

and if i try to enjoy these things w other ppl who DO enjoy them, i feel......less than. like i don't know enough. or i'm not good enough. or i have the wrong opinions. or i'm enthusiastic abt the wrong parts.

i'm just gonna fucking play animal crossing and try to metaphorically bash my face against a wall until i stop experiencing life as a real person.

asking me to try and find joy or things i can control is a one-way ticket to me spiraling out of fucking control.

[cl0udpup]

Autism Spectrum Quotient

For anyone following me on Twitter, you'd notice I interact with autistic people constantly, respond with strong relation to autistic experiences, agree with many "if you do ___ you may be autistic." Yet, online testing has been unclear.

I haven't brought it up to my therapist yet, as I just went through the ADHD assessment process (diagnosed, inattentive type.) I've had this anxiety like, I don't want my care team to think I'm like... trying to just collect diagnoses. No, I'm just desperate to understand myself and hopefully plan accordingly so the next half of my life can be a bit less chaotic than the first.

So, I wanted to take and post my results from the tests on embrace-autism.com here. I'll be posting my thought process as I go through the questions, because so much of it leaves me wholly confused, and unsure of what the questions mean. Maybe writing it all out will help me understand, or maybe others can chime in and help clarify, or give their opinion.

Questions and responses behind the cut. I answered middle of the road for a majority of questions, as many of them were vague or confusing. There were only a few definitely yes or definitely no.

RESULTS

Score: 32

Score Analysis: “The AQ doesn’t really offer much insight into specific autistic traits, as it only outputs a single score. Any scores of 26 or greater indicate the presence of autistic traits; the higher the score, the more autistic traits you have.

Furthermore, 79.3% of autistic people score 32 or higher (whereas only 2% of controls do), so scores of 32 and above are particularly significant.

The AQ is particularly sensitive in distinguishing between autistic and non-autistic adult females, as 92.3% of autistic females scored 32 or higher (compared to 1% of the control group).

Do note that no single test is conclusive, and not every autistic person necessarily scores above the defined threshold on each test. If you score low on the AQ but still think you could be autistic, try taking a few other autism tests.

1. I prefer to do things with others rather than on my own.

Well, I work alone, and need quiet, solitude, and privacy to complete tasks. Including hobbies, like if someone is around when I'm trying to make art, I get anxious and distracted. If someone is on the same page as me, focusing on the same thing, and participating together (not just talking and ignoring the task at hand,) I'm happy. As for things I have trauma around, like going somewhere alone that I've been harassed or assaulted before, I need a partner.So I guess I'll say slightly disagree?

2. I prefer to do things the same way over and over again.

Like what? I'm so bad with being asked vague questions on the spot. I need details, I can't always think up relevant examples on my own. I literally have no idea what this is referring to.

3. If I try to imagine something, I find it very easy to create a picture in my mind.

Definitely agree.

4. I frequently get so strongly absorbed in one thing, I lose sight of other things.

Definitely agree.

5. I often notice small sounds when others do not.

Definitely agree.

6. I usually notice car number plates or similar strings of information.

I am noticing patterns constantly. Def agree.

7. Other people frequently tell me what I've said is impolite, even though I think it's polite.

I don't remember this ever happening. I typically try really hard to make sure everyone is comfortable, not upset, I am hyperaware of others feelings, to the point of having to ask clarifying questions to be sure things are okay. So, I'm typically very cautious with what I say.

Outside of that, there are situational behaviors I have been told are rude, or social conventions I don't subscribe to, so they fly past my radar for "things that could make someone uncomfortable." Those things I'm like, wait, why is that inappropriate, that doesn't make any sense.

8. When reading a story, I can easily imagine what the characters might look like.

I don't always find that to be necessary information, but as stated before, if I wanted to I can create images in my mind. Usually if I'm curious I'll just google what they look like lol.

9. I am fascinated by dates.

Uh, yeah, huge astrology nerd over here, and also love pattern recognition.

10. In a social group, I can easily keep track of several different people's conversations.

So like, at a family gathering, when uncle & aunt are talking about their new dog at one side of the table, and cousin is talking about graduating next year, and grandma is talking about how good the biscuits are?

I mean, it's all just chatter, I just pipe up in whatever convo is most interesting to me.My thoughts on this one are, sure I could if I wanted to, but why would that be necessary?

11. I find social situations easy.

Omg SO vague. If I'm hanging out with my few best friends, I'm generally at ease, besides worrying if everyone's having a good time, or getting overstimulated and needing to take breaks of alone time.

If I'm going to a party with a friend with a bunch of people I don't know, I'll be excited to meet and observe new people, but it's easy for me to feel anxious, like an outsider, and I quickly want to leave lol. This is where drinking has come in for me.

12. I tend to notice details others do not.

I have been told this a few times, yes.

13, I would rather go to a library than a party.

No, I get anxious when I could possibly be cornered alone in an isolated and quiet place where I can't easily run to safety of others.

I would rather read at home by myself than go to a library, and would rather be at a party with people I feel safe around than to one with strangers.

14. I find making up stories easy.

Yes, I have an active imagination.

15. I find myself drawn more strongly to people than things.

Is this asking like, do you go to the theater because you want to see the movie, or do you go because you want to spend time with the person you go with? Well those are two separate things for me, and would be a dual benefit combining them.

Is it asking, would I rather stay home and play video games, or go hang out with friends? I'd rather play games cuz socializing is both under and overstimulating.

 I just don't really understand this question.

16. I tend to have very strong interests which I get upset about if I can't pursue.

Why wouldn't I be able to pursue them? My brain is going to examples like, going to a family gathering and having to sit at a table quietly and do forced conversation for 2 hours instead of being able to do activities while talking. My family is likely all ND, so no one chastises me if I am drawing at the dinner table while conversing.

My other thought is, school. Yeah I hated school because I wanted to be doing things I cared about, instead of being forced to sit quietly and do things I found pointless.

And, work. I get frustrated when I have so many boring tasks I have to complete, when all I want to be doing is focusing on whatever hobby I'm obsessed with that week. But, I am known to give in to distraction constantly.

17. I enjoy social chit-chat

It depends. I hate being asked what I've been up to, what my plans are for the weekend, I don't like being put on the spot. But if someone else is trying to make small talk, I'm much comfier asking the questions. If the other person obviously wants to talk about that stuff more than I do, I'm happy to let them share lol, and feel like I'm good at asking questions to get to know a person.

Idk if I'd go as far to say I enjoy it, it's kinda more just a "fill the awkward space of us having to have this interaction."

18. When I talk, it isn't always easy for others to get a word in edgeways.

Uh this one is hard bc almost everyone in my life is ND lol. Everyone is annoying and talks a lot and talks over each other and rambles on forever. I have been known to rant as well.

19. I am fascinated by numbers.

Didn't we go over this like 2x already? Hell yeah I love numbers.

20. When I'm reading a story, I find it difficult to work out the characters' intentions.

I don't really read fiction, but I watch a lot of films. I can predict what will happen because I've seen sooo many films and use pattern recognition. I also feel really intense empathy, so I easily relate to characters who go through things I've been through, or are experiencing pain or joy how I have, and I think about what I've done in past situations.

If it's a character I don't relate to, I pull up similar characters I've observed in the past, and go over their archetype in my head, and then can try to predict what they will do.

21. I don't particularly enjoy reading fiction.

I somewhat enjoy it, but I'd rather read someone's memoir and hear from their own words what their life is like, or learn about science or history in the real world.

I'll add films into this as well to make the q fit better. I do love fictional films, even fantastical genre's like horror, monsters, science fiction, so yes, I suppose I do like fiction.

22. I find it hard to make new friends.

I was in a discussion a while ago on Twitter about friends. Myself and others were coming to the realization that acquaintances aren't friends?? So this is confusing to me. I have an easy time approaching others, especially others who seem kinda like outsiders as well (people standing alone, looking around, probably feeling anxious like me that they don't have a "person" or group to feel secure and included in.)

I have made sooo many friends over the years because I love the stimulation of getting to know someone new. But close friends? Actual friends who text me regularly and we actually hang out? Yeah that’s incredibly hard, and not something I really want from more than the few people I’ve known for years. That level of intimacy and commitment is overstimulating.

23. I notice patterns in things all the time.

Yeaaaaa boyyeee I love me some patterns.

24. I would rather go to the theatre than a museum.

Wut? I mean depends on what kinda theatre and what kinda museum! I’m interpreting this as, go somewhere loud and noisy where you have to sit quietly, vs somewhere you still have to be quiet but you can walk around. I can’t sit quietly for 2 hours, so museum it is.

25. It does not upset me if my daily routine is disturbed.

I hate surprises lol. I have to plan everything out otherwise I get flustered. Please don’t spring things on me or ask me to do something in 2 hours.

26. I frequently find I don’t know how to keep a conversation going.

Idk as I said I’m good at asking people questions, but sometimes my brain freezes up. I really don’t like being the one “interrogated” though lol. I like situations with clear guidelines, like in therapy, I can talk and talk because we are talking about me lol and that’s something I know best.

I feel like I know general questions to ask to get through different scenarios, for example, I was nervous the first time I was alone with my partner’s mom when he got up to use the restroom, so my brain goes, ok, ask this set of questions, keep the focus on her so she doesn’t have a chance to ask me something I won’t know how to answer lol.

But then, when I was at one of his family gatherings, and ended up alone with a couple people I didn’t know, my instinct is, smile and be funny or find something I have to go do lol.

27. I find it easy to read between the lines when someone is talking to me.

I mean, if I ask someone if they want to do something with me, and they beat around the bush, I assume they are just trying to be polite, and will try to give them an out like “it’s ok if you don’t want to, don’t feel bad!” etc.

But if someone is being passive aggressive or negging me, I often miss it. I assume good faith in people most of the time, because I don’t do weird manipulative behaviors myself, so I forget some people operate like that.

28. I usually concentrate more on the whole picture, rather than the small details.

Is this like, it’s okay that I’m late and spilled coffee on my shirt and the food I was going to bring got messed up and I couldn’t find my chapstick, as long as I just show up to the event? Or, I have a meltdown getting ready before the event because all those things happened?

Or is it like, it’s okay that this person I have a moral problem with is going to be there, because we don’t have to talk to them and can still have a good time? vs I absolutely cannot be okay with myself if I attend something that someone I so strongly disagree with will be there to potentially cause me to get worked up.

I guess maybe I’m a details guy?

29. I’m not very good at remembering phone numbers.

I feel like this question is outdated. I haven’t even looked at a person’s phone number in years since smart phones became the norm. Let’s change it to something like, birthdays? I’m good at remembering birthdays.

30. I don’t usually notice small changes in a situation, or a person’s appearance.

I notice changes in people and settings all the time. Especially if it effects me sensory-wise, like a lighting change, a new sound, or smell.

31. I know how to tell if someone listening to me is getting bored.

Idk, I don’t know if I give myself a chance. I take away the possibility of me getting rejected by giving people an out before then. I make myself limit time on things I want to focus on, or space I’m taking up, and always tell people to just tell me when they are ready for me to leave. And just preemptively do so if I get too anxious that they might not want to hurt my feelings.

32. I find it easy to do more than one thing at once.

Not really? I have ADHD so I’m easily distracted. I come up with systems and strategies to multi-task when I have to, I kinda gamify it. But, an example I’m thinking is like, watching a movie while I’m trying to work on something, or listen to a podcast when I’m taking a walk, I don’t absorb that info great.

33. When I talk on the phone, I’m not sure when it’s my turn to speak.

Talk on the phone, lol. I don’t do that for pleasure. If I’m making a necessary call like for an appointment, I rehearse what I’m going to say ahead of time, or I’ve done it so many times I have the process memorized.

34. I enjoy doing things spontaneously.

No, lol. Too many variables, I need plans I can think out and prepare for.

35. I am often the last to understand the point of a joke.

Sometimes. Sometimes I have to ask for it to be explained, especially if it’s different from my usual sense of humor.

36. I find it easy to work out what someone is thinking or feeling just by looking at their face.

Again, I’m hypersensitive to people’s feelings, so I seek reassurance often, constantly scanning body language and verbal cues.

37. If there is an interruption, I can switch back to what I was doing very quickly.

It depends on how invested in what I’m doing. If it’s something I have been putting off because it’s difficult, and someone interrupts me, I get flustered and irritated. I usually just tell people not to interrupt me when I truly need to avoid distraction.

If someone interrupts me when I’m talking, it can be hard to continue.

38. I am good at social chit-chat.

Didn’t we go over this? I said I don’t necessarily enjoy it, but I am okay at it.

39. People often tell me I keep going on and on about the same thing.

I wouldn’t dare, lol.

40. When I was young, I used to enjoy playing games involving pretending with other children.

Sure, we would play pretend family or school, or make up stories with toys.

41. I like to collect information about categories of things.

YES, yes, so much yes. I love collecting and cataloguing things, I fucking love making lists lol.

42. I find it difficult to imagine what it would be like to be someone else.

No, I love putting myself in others shoes. It’s part of what I like about social media, memoirs, documentaries. It makes me feel more connected to the world to imagine myself in someone else’s life, and see how similar we all are, but with different circumstances.

43. I like to plan any activities I participate in carefully.

Absolutely. That’s my role. I’m the planner.

44. I enjoy social occasions.

It truly depends, as I’ve stated above. I have a lot of conditions that go into it being a good time, but when my conditions are met, and I have the freedom to come and go as I please, I enjoy socializing with nice people.

If it’s with people I feel like an outsider with, no thanks. I’ll grin and bare it, fake it till I make it outta there.

45. I find it difficult to work out people’s intentions.

This just isn’t something I think about, and I have been burned for it in the past.

46. New situations make me anxious.

Yes. I need to know all the details so I can create a model of it in my mind, and go over all possible scenarios and how I will react to them in a way that doesn’t make me lose it with uncomfortableness.

47. I enjoy meeting new people.

This comes down to consent. I used to meet new people from the internet constantly pre-pandemic. I knew I wanted to meet them because we had xyz in common, and I knew the circumstances we’d be meeting in. I loved meeting people when I was in the party scene.

When it’s people who might judge me or think I’m too weird to be included, I’d rather just pass. Over the years I’ve realized I haven’t always recognized when people think I’m too weird to be there. I was blissfully ignorant, just being this nice, friendly person, then come to find out they thought I didn’t fit in.

48. I am a good diplomat.

Sure, I want everyone to be happy and feel included and seen.

49. I’m not very good at remembering people’s birthdays.

Oh oops I used that for the phone number Q lol. Yeah I remember childhood friends bdays, and my childhood dogs bdays. Always been good at that.

50. I find it easy to play games with children that involve pretending.

I haven’t been around children hardly at all since I was one, but sure.

[omniversal-willow-tree]

Layla's Wiki Page

TRIGGER WARNING⚠

Layla is a female creator tagged #1226. Layla has a abusive father, and her relationship with her mother is unclear but it is known that Layla's parents are in fact divorced, which her father having custody over her.

Layla discovered the Undertale Fandom shortly after Maia did, however she did discover Elysium before Maia. As a First Class Creator, Layla started drafting up ideas for a Undertale Multiverse timeline. She also had a standalone creation (i.e. not in any Fandoms) and was promoted to First Class for it. Soon after, Layla and Maia met in Elysium and fell in love. One day, when Layla was helping Maia through a breakdown, Maia told Layla that she was thinking of committing suicide.

Some time later, Willow discovered Elysium and befriended Maia. Maia introduced Willow to Layla, however their relationship at this time remained at polite acquaintances. Soon thereafter, Layla confessed to Maia and the two started officially dating. Layla gradually started becoming happier, and Maia (by extension Elysium) became her coping mechanism for the abuse.

One day, when Layla logged in, she found that Maia's profile had been deleted. Layla panicked, believing that Maia had indeed killed herself. Layla desperately questioned a Fourth Class Creator about this, but all she was told was that Maia was deleted her own account and that all of Maia's creations (Underdeveloped!Verse) were accordingly deleted. Layla started grieving for Maia, rapidly declining. Soon, the character Ink caught her focus as Layla was unconsciously envious of his emotionlessness. After implementing an unknown idea into her standalone creation, Layla was promoted to Second Class and given her own studio. She named it Plasma Studios.

However, throughout all of this, Layla was consumed by hate, anger, sadness and, above all, heartbreak. After one particularly severe beating by her father, Layla was knocked unconscious and returned to Elysium. In a fit of despair, she ventilated all her negativity into one single asset, but they grew into a festering pile of Corruption, melting away all materials with a single touch. Without Layla's will to focus on, they developed their own thoughts. They named themselves Corria, who would later be known as Corruption 1.0 by the creators, and materialised in a body they were familiar with. When Corria attempted to reach out to other files, she found that she corrupted them with a mere touch, and even more so as it would cause a ripple effect. She destroyed three entire multiverses before Layla realised as Layla was busy with the first portion of Plasmaverse, naming it Plasmaverse from her Studio name Plasma Studios, then approved Willow's request to use the current draft of Plasmaverse as base. When Layla discovered Corria's actions, she immediately coded a cell and isolated Corria in it. Corria wasn't upset, however, as her nature was just pure curiosity, not of maliciousness, and did not understand why Layla did so.

Of course, the creators had found out about the unexpected deletions and Layla had to come clean, save for her true motive. She lied that she was only curious, which got her into a lot of trouble. The other creators named Corria Corruption, later adding 1.0.

However, one of the three multiverses was not deleted because of Corruption, but because of Maia's disappearing. Her sudden vanishing left her unfinished multiverse alone. Incomplete. Underdeveloped. Her disappearance triggered a deletion of it, but one file wasn't deleted. Couldn't be deleted. A character that was based off Ink. Underdeveloped!Verse!Ink.

Layla secretly took Plasmaverse!Ink into Elysium. She employed some First-Class Creators to help teach him Create but ultimately failed as Creations cannot Create. However, she did somewhat succeed, i.e. Plasmaverse!Ink's ability to bring drawings into reality. Layla knew the First-Class Creators would probably tell on her forbidden actions, and so tricked all of them into entering Corruption 1.0's cell, resulting in all of their demises. This made Corruption 1,0 stronger.

At the same time, Layla finally completed Plasmaverse.

When Layla found Underdeveloped!Verse!Ink, she wanted to bring him out. He was the only remaining piece of Maia's creation, so she freed him and let him stay in Elysium for some time, but eventually, he learnt too much and saw too much. Or Layla thought he did; he was just a empty shell by then. Layla knew she had to get rid of him, despite her aching heart. So, she threw him into Corruption 1.0's cell. Corruption 1.0 was curious and tried to corrupt him, but he only fell unconscious. Corruption 1.0 was delighted at this newfound outcome and began to attempt to puppet Ink. This resulted in both fusing into one entity. Corrupted 2.0, or Infected!Ink.

Corrupted 2.0 soon learnt that although their powers could only corrupt one thing at a time manually, their corruption was so extremely concentrated (the result of the fusion combined with the boost of the now deceased First-Class Creators) that they could break out of their cell.

Layla panicked, but soon realised they were unable to corrupt an entire multiverse without it taking a century at least so she trapped it in her thickest multiverse; Plasmaverse. From here, Corruption 2.0 was trapped in it, unable to travel out, until they corrupted Altered!Plasmaverse!Ink and forced him to tell them how to travel in the Omniverse. Now that Corruption 2.0 knew how to do this, they became an Omniversal threat, no longer bound to just Layla's (and by extension Undertale) Multiverses.

Willow was enraged at Layla now because Altered!Plasmaverse was corrupted because of Corruption 2.0. Willow informed the other creators of Corruption 2.0, and a Handover took place where Layla transferred half of her ownership of Plasmaverse to Willow. From here, Layla started to repent, realising she herself had to start changing as her trauma was consuming her, turning her into a monster.

[link]