#but yeah a lot of the blogs during that time deactivated so a lot of it is lost

[heatherra]

So my interest in all things TD was reignited a few years ago and I joined this discord server to gush about it. But Sierra, being one of my fave characters, was blacklisted to the point that any “positivity” about her was a no-go.

It doubly sucks because I liked (still do!) Scoerra before it was cool (as All Stars was coming out on CN) and I was explicitly discouraged from even talking about them on the server. There was a lot of rules the mods and their besties were allowed to (and often did!) break but no one else had a pass, period.

It made me lose my interest in TD. But now I’m hearing that Scoerra had a Renaissance a year ago or so?? There were more fans of it, both ironic and unironic? More art and fic that I’m only learning of right now? But some of it has been lost? That’s crazy, I almost feel robbed of having experienced it.

Hennyway, so glad I discovered this via your blog. Don’t let the haters grind you down.

Anon the fact that you were shipping scoerra AS all stars was airing??? Your mind must be HUGE. It took me YEARS to start accepting td crack ships. Like even when I started this blog back in 2020, I knew that I liked heatherra, but also I was more partial to canon ships. Bc with the way I interacted with the td fandom before I joined td tumblr, we all hated crack ships expect for the straight ones.

Td tumblr has made me learn to accept almost all kinds of td crack ships. Here i am talking about alesierra, aleheatherra, scike, malerra. You tell me this 3 years ago, I would be like "what the hell are you talking about". But yeah. Last year my mutuals and I started scoerra posting, talking about the scrapped scoerra all stars plot and everything. It was amazing. It's definitely lost a lot of traction, because we were posting about it ironically for the most part, but my inbox is always open to anything Sierra related (NO DISCOURSE) bc she's literally. One of my favorite characters. Sierra 4lyfe

[elendsessor]

lesser known megaten spin-offs are weird: ddsat edition

ok i’ve always wanted to talk about the long history of megaten spin-offs, since not only are a ton of them japanese-exclusive and on mobile phones, there’s quite a few bits of supplementary reading.

when it comes to digital devil saga, it’s actually a bit more straightforward than other supplementary material for older atlus titles, as the plots follow events pre-dds or during dds, with quantum being a retelling based on some of the original ideas for the duology that never saw the light of day.

but i’ve straight up never heard of this one and only today discovered its existence while browsing tags on a fairly abandoned blog. in fact… i don’t know if anyone knows about it. i’ve seen some of the short stories like dogdays mentioned in the past but never this one.

i’m assuming this is mostly because it’s a separate story set in universe, is a one shot, and wasn’t written by yu godai.

this is digital devil saga: avatar turner: shinen no matou (“tower of the abyss”) written by moheji yamasaki.

i can’t find a translation of this and i’m not willing to trust ai to do the translating, and there are barely any scans out there. the only ones i could find were from the post i found the manga through, but the account is deactivated. (i reblogged it so here’s some of the scans.) congrats lemniscation for being one of maybe 5 people who know about this, i salute you and hope you are well wherever you are.

and yes the atma avatars are original designs not seen anywhere else, or so i can assume. maybe there’s a mystical other spin off that uses them. idk.

now i know fandom wikis tend to have varying levels of accuracy, but there is a page on the megami tensei fandom wiki and some info is better than none. the manga was apparently published in 2005 and there is one named character listed on the wiki. one.

give it up for kyle, the goofy blue haired dude on the cover. that’s our protagonist. the end.

yeah there’s nothing else i could find. at least the mobile game has a basic plot outline and hey it even details how sheffield’s the final boss yay????

there’s a lot of untranslated stuff from around this time period, such as the entirety of the dsrk lite novel, but this one stands out because of just how different it is. i’m not surprised at the lack of information—being japan exclusive in the early-mid-2000s back when a niche american audience was already at the most niche it could get does it no favors, but if anyone does have scans or links to scans, translated or not, please share them because this is actually cool.

[nori-the-cat]

hi nori! I’m a bit shy so I created a whole blog to talk to you bcs u have anon off! I actually wanted to give an insight on all this smngg new gossip bcs i had a friend who did a reading for sm ngg! apparently despite what is said today bcs everything is so indecisive, there’s a high chance the debut will move to next year early 2025? and I also heard that there are potential line up changes still to this day which is a bit insane actually esp if they’re gonna debut this year? but I don’t know what your energy reads right now I’m fairly curious!

Hi Toya! 🙋🏻‍♀️🌸 please don’t be shy!! I’m open to talking to anyone here

(btw if I address you as Toya. I’m assuming this is your name. I’m sorry 😭)

Yeah I purposely deactivate my anon for a reason hehe

Anyway, this is my reading for SMNGG

https://www.tumblr.com/nori-the-cat/749839924200701952/predicting-smngg-requested-reading

Another tumblr user also pointed out that SMNGG debut line up will change and apparently the rumour is saying that the girls will be around 5 to 6 people in total. This manifested in my reading. I initially got 7, but I keep on hearing “No, no. 6 is better” and “But 5 is cost efficient” and these were the things I got from SM Entertainment.

Thing is, I did the tarot reading not long ago. I didn’t want to do the reading for almost a month or two because it was really hard to get SM Entertainment to open up. I did it because a user requested it and they kept asking so I thought it’s time to do the reading. 😅

(Btw, this is not SMNGG related. It was hard to get them to open up about RII7E Se*nghan.) Hence, the reading for SMNGG also had a lot of secrecy. I literally had to push SM’s boundaries and I got a headache like MAJOR HEADACHE from doing the reading.

About their debut being pushed to early 2025 or even worse next year is very possible. I’m assuming it’s money issues. I’m also sending that this year is the year SM focuses on Aespa and potentially RII7E. Hence, SMNGG keeps getting pushed back until they achieve a “target”. I have no idea what this target is. 😔

I tried reading into it, but SM won’t let me. 🙂🤡

The thing about the line-up changes, is that it will happen during the very last minute too. In a way, SM is not ready to debut this girl group. But someone in SM is a risk taker and is pushing this to happen. Again, I don’t know what this is and reading into SM Entertainment energy hurts my head. Does your friend feel the same? 🥲🥺

Thing is, there will be lots of trainees leaving or not chosen during the final day. On the day of their debut, there will be another “drama” happening. In terms of concept, I get the same concept as Into the New World by SNSD and Cool with You by NewJeans. Their song probably sounds like these two.

However, the overall energy of SMNGG is still a secret. I’m with your friend in this. I’m not sure what else she got, but those were my predictions.

Also, please don’t be shy to talk to me🌸💃🏻

[glassartpeasants]

How did you met your first husbando? (Or current one you choose) and put your friends on this since I'm curious bitch

Love the attitude you gett a gold star

But that is a good question! I was in the creepypasta fandom WAY before I was in the MHA fandom. But I know for sure that I found creepypasta as a freshman in highschool.

I actually hated Isaac when i first learned about him through Laughing Jacks story. Still hate the OG mf. I've just created a better version of him in my head.

I think i grew so attached to him was because during that time in my life i was having very bad home life living with my mother and i guess freshman me just decided Isaac was the one. I've created a lot of different realities with this man by daydreaming.

It's funny to me cause even when i was first starting out in the MHA fandom, I was still in the creepypasta fandom at the same time. Funny merge i thinks. So yeah I've been stuck with that British loser for over 5 years.

Now when it comes to my friends on here, i have quite a few. At least to me i count them as friends

@zuffer-weird-girl I met in 2020 i believe. I loved her Overhaul content and I had only started writing barely when we first met. I was so excited when i saw her follow me back and I'm pretty sure we became better friends making fun of one another in a nice way-

@bat-eclecticwolfbouquet-love literally the person who inspired me to write. Love this woman from the bottom of my heart and would kill a man for her. She was my first ever friend on here and were still friends to this day! We're both busy sadly as we both have full time jobs so we don't talk as much as we use to but it always puts a smile on my face when we do

@thotsforvillainrights followed them before anyone else. Pretty sure i got closer with them after me and zuffer became friends. We got roped into a group by being "people who write for overhaul the most". So you know you gotta make friends in a group lol. But they are really fun to talk to and a great writer

@wholesomey-artist met them through zuffer. can i remember when? No. But i do know that we got closer as friends when i was displaying my hate for nemoto the first time. They deserve more attention and they're art is amazing (don't play among us with them, they LIE)

@dukedonte met them through the now deactivated proxymorons blog. I was working on my own rewrites and through the grace of god i was able to become friends with them. I owe them a lot for helping me with helping make rewrites. By helping me with any plotholes i had or helping me with lore. They're really the best

@ellzilla Cannot remember how i met them no matter how hard i try. Maybe through her old ask blog? I love her oc's and she's also doing a really interesting rewrite on Laughing Jack's story! A really unique one me thinks. I love looking at her art and I'm super jealous how great she is at painting on digital

[cmdonovann]

Accomplishments! Quantum Break fansite in progress!

(originally posted June 8th, 2023; crossposted from dreamwidth.)

Well, I removed Tumblr from my phone to prevent me from wasting so much time there, which means I now have nowhere to easily and quickly post my inane thoughts (at least not without feeling like I'm bothering people on Discord or in direct messages, though perhaps that's something I should work on). You know what that means! It means I'm probably going to try posting them here instead. Thing I want to post about: I'm making a Quantum Break fansite! I've been wanting to do this for ages, and actually started putting together a couple of little graphics for it during the "Quantum Break Appreciation Month" event I ran on Tumblr in April, but I hadn't made much progress on the project since then... until the past few days, anyway, when I started brainstorming what I actually want to do with the site, how I want to lay it out, and so on. Yesterday I put together some CSS for the site, and today I did The Hard Part: I set up a git/GitHub repo for the site, and got the "deploy to neocities" script working for it, so I can easily and quickly make updates to the site in VSCode, then push from there to GitHub to neocities all at once, like I do with my personal site. Was this an absolute pain to set up? Yes! Somehow, it took me even longer to do it a second time than it did the first! But I did it myself, with a lot of encouragement and rubber duck-ing from a few very helpful people in the Fandom Coders chat. Can't say I'm not proud of myself for that. I would not have had the skill or confidence a year ago to do something like this, especially not all the mucking about I did in the terminal trying to set up the git repo in the first place. Anyway, I am, to put it mildly, extremely fucking excited to continue working on this site. I've got big plans: first order of business is to get an archive set up of all the Quantum Break fanfic I can get my hands on (and get permission from the authors for). After that, I'm probably going to do the same for fanart and image edits like photosets and gifsets from Tumblr, since the CSS page styling for those will likely be similar (though I expect to run into some attribution problems with older Tumblr posts, what with so many deactivated or moved blogs post-2018). Once that's sorted out, I'm considering looking into the best way to archive fanvids, but honestly that might be put off for a while longer, as video hosting and video players are way out of my skill level currently. Maybe I'll import some of my Quantum Break playlists from my personal site, too? Oh yeah, and at some point down the line, I want to make a searchable wiki with transcripts of all the in-game narrative objects. But "searchable" is probably going to be a stumbling point there, and transcribing takes ages, so this will be last priority, I think. Wow, that's... a lot, actually! Damn! This is gonna take a while. Not that I mind spending a couple of years poking at a project, obviously. *Gestures at my longfic that took four years to finish...* I've been neck deep in this fandom for over seven years, what's another five or ten? XP

btw, since it's fairly easy to post images on tumblr (compared to dreamwidth, anyway), here's a screenshot of the section that's currently in progress: the fic archive index!

(ignore my filler text... i usually use karkalicious as my lorem ipsum, so at least i'm not committing THAT particular crime here.)

i'm still futzing around a little with the styling (negative margin my beloathed) but it's coming along pretty well! i've already got a branch where i've started... you know, actually adding fic to the site, but i won't merge that into the main and add a link to the front page until the style problems have been fixed (or at least, fixed enough to be easily navigable on mobile, which... is not the case right now, lolrip).

[mahariel-s]

hi it's me again <3 i would love to come off anon but it's likely that you don't remember me so i don't wanna intrude! especially because i was going through a huge depressive episode (school + life in general plus they gave me the wrong meds) so after being absolutely insufferable for a while one day i just deactivated twitter and tumblr and said to hell with it lol. but i'm doing okay now. i wish i could go back and tell to our younger selves there's hope. AND YEAH gods did you see the state of fandoms on twitter? idrc about mervel or thorloki anymore but damn people are out for BLOOD. like chill... pet a flower or something, it's pixels on a screen. smh. anyways thank you for your beautiful response! <3

in the interest of being totally honest, there's quite a bit that i don't remember from mid-2017 onwards until maybe late 2018?? asjfdslg my sister died and it was a very traumatic time and it's like trying to look through a silent hill extra fog mod BUT THAT SAID,

i don't think it would be intruding if you came off anon :3 even if i don't remember you, i'd like to know you now -- if you were cool with that ofc -- because!!! yolo!!!!! we really only live once and you are so kind and what's the freaking harm!!! it sounds like we had/have a lot in common <3

i'm really glad to hear you're doing ok now. i reached a similar point of Done, where i deleted my blog and pretty much went private mode on all social media and stopped engaging in fandom. i hope you've been being kind to yourself, removing oneself from social media during times of tumult is like the absolute pinnacle of self-care when you think about it 😭 it's just so harddd and can feel so isolating

the current state of fandoms everywhere is why i don't really branch out? i want to make a ton of new friends but i'm so tired of discourse lmao, i see some topics that are p much verbatim BATTLES we would have back in 2012, and i'm like, "we fought this so y'all didn't have to!!!!! find our old posts!!!! stay strong~!!!" LMFAO ;-; but i just step back. to quote my 7th grade history teacher, "History has a tendency to repeat itself." Thank u mr. wiseman. yes, his last name was wiseman. no, i don't know if he changed it to that but he was a very wise old man and us kids could not get over the fact his name was what he also embodied. anyway

(this is an open invitation to say hi btw anyone reading LMAO I JUST DON'T LIVE FOR DRAMA SO I WILL STAY OUT OF IT IF IT COMES UP)

sorry for RAMBLING LMAOOO i'm here if you ever wanna come off anon and talk <333 i hope you have a wonderful week, i really appreciate receiving these messages + i look forward to hearing from u :333 (do NOT read that in a corporate email ' i look forawrd to ur future correspondence' way but in a cooler, Less Stressful way)

[pianostarinwonderland]

I know that I might receive questions about this if I don’t say this sooner, so with permission, I’m sharing this to answer any anticipated questions.

So I think many of you know twstpasta. Today, they deactivated their blog for a variety of reasons. They actually deleted it by accident, but they had plans to delete it nonetheless.

This is Mac’s statement under the cut.

tw // death threat, misgendering, all that deletion jazz

Hi everyone! This is Mac here, and just from the fact that I’m actually properly capitalizing everything, I guess this is telling that this is going to be a pretty important and semi-long post. So I’ll place this under the cut, but as stated before, this is important and I’d appreciate it if everyone took the time to read everything I had to say.

Long story short, I’m deleting the blog.

Now, I know this wasn’t an easy choice to make, and I know doing this will inevitably make some of you sad. I’ve received so much love and support from a lot of people here, and I’ve met friends and made connections that I wouldn’t have done otherwise had it not been for this blog. The positives from running twstpasta far outweigh the negatives by a long stretch, but that doesn’t mean the negatives are something I can ignore as a whole.

I’m going to skip over explaining my irl issues for leaving this blog as irl issues are something for me to balance on my own. But the more time I spent in the twst fandom, be it writing here or posting on my personal accounts elsewhere, the more uncomfortable I became with the fandom itself. This isn’t to say everyone I’ve ever talked to or everyone who enjoys twst is rotten or bad; it’s that I don’t feel welcome nor safe in this community any more.

I’ve been pretty vocal about my personal qualms with the twst fandom, so if you’ve been following my blog, you already know what I’m talking about. So I’ll skip over my soapbox on the stuff I’ve already touched upon, and move onto the more relevant things.

But that being said, seeing the fandom’s reaction to a variety of things this year has made me realize that this isn’t really a community I want to write for. I’ve had blogs talk behind my back about the choices I’ve made to support my personal life, I’ve had death threats sent about things I wrote and the stances I took, and I’ve been invalidated time and time again about themes like gender and sexuality within this fandom.

It’s terrifying, being a freshly turned 19 year old (who at the start of this blog was 17, mind you), and having literal adults gang up on you for trying to do innocuous things like take down reposting, ask to not be misgendered, or to even pay off some uni bills after COVID-19 jeopardized my scholarships. And this was something I saw happening not just to me but other blogs over and over. It’s just come to a point where no matter how much I adore this blog and adore everyone who’s shown me their love, I have to prioritize myself and my needs before satisfying anyone else.

So yeah. I really don’t want to end this on a bad note, so I’ll take this opportunity to try and end things on a better tone. Thank you to everyone who’s supported me and shown me so much love during my time here, and thank you to everyone who’s been part of my journey, from even my anonymous readers all the way to the most vocal of my friends. I really never expected to go this far on a tumblr blog of all places, and I’ll cherish the good parts of what I’ve done and learned from twstpasta.

[mooshua]

hi uh it’s mooshua (aurora, moosh, whatever you want to call me). I’m so sorry about my sudden leave and everything and worrying some of you. that was really uncool of me to do and I really am so regretful for that. honestly I’m kinda embarrassed right now. explaining myself is rather difficult because, I won’t lie, I’ve been having feelings of inadequacy towards both myself and the works I put out. lol so I’m kind of having a hard time articulating my emotions because my mind is all over the place and I’m literally sweating as I type this out.

long story short: I got burnt out, started hating my writing with all my being, accumulated some Not So Nice messages, and then just did not want to be perceived anymore.

the long story: like I said above, I’ve been having Conflicting Feelings with regards to what I have been writing. anytime I read what I wrote I would just feel my gut twist and turn like I was going to throw up because I WAS SO EMBARRASSED. nothing about it was... up to my standard? nothing flowed right, I could point out a billion mistakes, and I wasn’t laughing like I used to. and it wasn’t just feeling embarrassed, it was like whenever I wrote something I would Not Be Having Fun With It because I kept thinking “deadline deadline deadline you need to finish this by the end of this week it’s only 5k words are you saying you can’t come up with a measly chapter in a week you used to be able to write 15 chapters in a month you dog” and I would just force myself to sit in front of my computer for hours and when I finally finished I wasn’t really happy with the final product I would just think “god I need a smoke break” even though I’ve never smoked in my life. and then I’d also get “please update!” messages/comments in the dry periods and, don’t get me wrong I really appreciate that people are reading my stuff, but I’d feel more and more stressed because then I’d automatically think “Oh My God People Are Waiting And I’m Letting Them Down.”

so with all these bad feelings welling up inside me I thought “I need a break.” and that’s what I did. I took like a 3 week break in september/october (I honestly don’t remember because the days have been bleeding together) in hopes that I just needed to rest to get my brain started again! after those 3 weeks I then did the usual routine of writing and updating, but again Things Just Didn’t Feel Right because it felt like I was diving back into that stress inducing spiral of the dreaded Weekly Updates.

I mean, I would get so hung over this stuff because in the back of my mind during my free time I’d be thinking “I could be writing and finishing up both series right now” and you know what? I’d do that. well, I tried at least. I’d force myself to sit and type whenever I had ANY free time because I already had everything planned, I just needed to put words to a page. well, doing that for nights on end was just mentally exhausting me to New Levels. everything I was doing was not sustainable at all.

AND THEN THINGS SLOWLY GOT WORSE because I would have zero confidence in my writing and every week or so I’d get a message in my inbox saying something along the lines of (or rather word for word) “your writing isn’t that good/special/anything new I don’t understand why people are reading it/why you get so many notes/you’re not as funny as you think you are” and at first I would kind of laugh at it and go “oh trust me buddy, I’m wondering the same thing too” and then delete it because I do Not Wish to entertain the thought on my blog, but then I was hitting a new all time low in my mentality and I got another message on the day I deactivated which was a Really Bad Day and it read “your writing isn’t good” and I went back to the chapter I was editing for the day, felt my gut do that twist and I thought “you know what? you’re right. it’s not. goodbye.” pressed the forbidden red button and honestly felt a weight lift off my shoulders because that meant I no longer had to deal with that stupid cycle of constantly updating in order to Feel Something.

I kept thinking “why is this not as fun as it used to be, why am I so stressed out all the time opening that stupid doc and going on my blog?” like I would literally sit down and think about this as if it was a math problem or something. my inadequacies kept rising within me but I would just bottle it up, go to writing and trying to answer messages like nothing was wrong because I really didn’t want to worry anyone or think I was a charity case who needed help, but now that I think about it I really should have talked this out instead keeping my mouth shut. I just thought this was something everyone goes through so I was like whatever it’ll pass. I kept thinking “this shouldn’t be as deep as I’m making it” and brush it aside, but then I kept thinking negatively about my ability to write and literally DREADED sitting down in front of my laptop that I would have to hype myself up in order to get a sentence in. I think the last time I actually felt really proud of something I had written was during the summer...... and then after that it was just downhill.

and listen. I know this is just a Fun endeavor and I really shouldn’t care about what other people think as long as it makes me happy, but along the way I stopped being happy because I started caring Way Too much and putting unrealistic expectations on myself. it’s weird. I know at my Big Age I should have a better mentality, but it’s been eating at me for a while and I just wanted to pull the plug.

okay now the part that a lot of people are wondering: are you going to finish your series? I plan to. I really want to. I think it’d be a waste not to. I’m still feeling pretty conflicted right now with my writing, but I already mapped everything out, and I don’t like to break promises since I already said I was going to do this thing. thanks to anyone who read my works and I’m sorry to have worried you. I just needed to take a step back and think about what’s good for myself.

yeah. so that’s my explanation. this whole thing is so long and for that I’m sorry. if you went through this then pat on the back for you. I don’t know when I’ll come back or how long it will take. I just want time for myself and to not think about anything with regards to writing. like at all. also I only have 1 request: for anyone who downloaded the series from ao3, please do not repost or reupload or redistribute them. please I’m literally begging. I deleted them for a reason and I really don’t like the idea of these stories floating around without my consent. when I do get back into it I’d like to make edits to what I have written. idk if any of my mutuals still want to talk to me after this but feel free to lmk lmfao sorry I know that I sound like I’m off the deep end but I really just need to cool it before I start diving back into a Healthy Relationship With My Writing Hobby lol. why am I so dramatic... SORRY. anyway. I hope you guys are staying happy and healthy during this time. don’t forget that.

[hopeshoodie]

i think its sad now that so many litg blogs are leaving/have left the fandom. i still remember the hype when s2 came out and even when s3 came we're still hyping s2.

then things started to change when some blogs got intense hate, (which i thought was from a group of haters but turned out it was only one person) leading to some of them deactivating their blogs or left the fandom. that's when i realized the whole vibes in the fandom have changed. we got new blogs and got more contents but it felt different.

then came 2021 and this whole thing about fusebox happened and it kinda destroy the fandom- or at least the 'old' fandom.

i personally have lost all of my hyperfixation on litg but stayed bcs i made friends in the fandom and i just want to support them whether they make litg related contents or other IFs related contents.

I let this sit because I didn't think it was entirely accurate (I hope that doesn't sound accusatory, I don't mean it that way! Just like I disagree with some of the conclusions), but I think it really speaks to the quiet mourning that everyone in the LITG fandom has done.

For context, I first played the game in late 2019 then joined the fandom actively in 2020 (insane to lay it out like that, where has the time gone). I enjoyed S1, but obviously everyone in the fandom prefers S2 for a reason. It's just so much richer than a lot of mobile games, the characters are written with such love by the writers that they stay with you.

I definitely think the fandom peaked when S2 was being released- you can see from the reddit and old tumblr that way more people were involved in the fandom. But I don't think 'things changed' after that point to become more toxic. If you look at old posts from that era, especially on the reddit, people were incredibly openly misogynistic, racist, and homophobic when S2 was being released. Multiple black fans said in the reddit that they felt uncomfortable with how characters were talked about, and then they were harassed until they left the fandom.

And I think that's why I disagree- It's really easy to look at one conflict and say 'that killed the fandom', but people have always been shitty (in every fandom, LITG included). I definitely think the positivity towards the game and Fusebox shifted as S3 came out and was disappointing, then Matchmaker came out, then Boat Party and CMM came out instead of S4. But the negativity within fan circles was consistent through all my time here.

I don't really think the anon hate was one person, tbh, nor do I think that was the biggest problem in the fandom. A lot of the anons went out to different people and had difference voices and contexts. Inevitably, fans formed groups of 2 or 3 people who were closer to each other and then there were fallings out between groups. I can think of at least 6 different 'dramas' within the tumblr fandom. I came into the fandom during a big drama, so I think I never had the vibe to begin with.

I really think that the fandom's dying as a whole is more directly tied to Fusebox's new content not using what made S2 so unique rather than it was fandom conflict. Like yeah certain creators left for certain reasons, but a lot of the hype petered out when S3 was so bland.

It sucks because LITG was a lot of people's introduction to interactive fiction and being in a small fandom, and now that it's fallen apart you're just left with this sense of having... No where to go.

[hellodean-sam]

heyyy guuuuys... i’ve been gone... for a.. very very long time (so long that my last few notifs were from p*rnbots)... and i wish this post was to say “im back let’s gooo!!!” unfortunately, it’s not. i dont want to deactivate this account, but i am starting a new, super unrelated and different one. i haven’t been replying to messages nor answering asks and mentions. i know i don’t owe anyone explanations, but might as well, eh?

i got a bit busy during 2020, and after supernatural ended, i just didnt have any other content to hang on to, you know? i dont read anymore, so fanfiction (no matter how scrumptious) is just out of the question. spn and the fandom would always have a place in my tiny heart (and on my twt newsfeed) but yeah.

besides that, i gained a few new hobbies, and ive started watching other genres (by that i mean anime. i started watching anime, which i swore never to do) then im starting to pick up reading again (by that i mean manga. im a changed person yes).

so i... i made a new blog last month dedicated to that. i didnt want to do it on here since a lot of my followers and my mutuals are either hp or spn accounts.

ok that’s all. idrk how else to say all that or if i even needed to hahaha. i miss u guys so much. i dont really have contacts to share, and im still a bit shy of my new blog so im not gonna post it here, but you can ask me personally, or still continue to send me messages on here! or asks. idr which ones give me email notifs. oh or instagram, since some of u got to follow me before. okie that’s all, love u guys.

[toranekooo]

indigo: give a few characters you like editing! are these similar characters to your own favorites or are they just fun to edit?

white: what got you into editing and what motivates you to continue it?

hi hi, chloe! (is it okay for me to call you that— pls lmk if it makes u uncomfy!!) thank u for sending an ask!!! omg i was looking forward to these questions the most <33

indigo: give a few characters you like editing! are these similar characters to your own favorites or are they just fun to edit?

personally i think i care more abt the character's color palette than i do about them here JDHDJHDHD which is WEIRD bc if u look at me on main i have done nothing but spew sweet love letters towards these characters but like. when they have palettes that r hard to work with, no matter how much i like them i literally cannot brain an edit properly. i'll just stop here before i end up explaining my entire mental process in editing IM SORRY FKFHFJ

KDHJD on a better note, my fave characters to edit change depending on the theme but usually they'll always be atsushi, pareo in every single hair color she's ever used, lipxlip, narumi sena, and the entirety of wonderland x showtime <3

white: what got you into editing and what motivates you to continue?

white: OOH STORYTIME!! let's see, this is a bit of a drag bc i have a lot of stories to tell abt the editing community tbh but here goes! i started editing way way back, but i only made this edit blog around early 2021, but i got into the editing community maybe late 2020? it was during the time it was most active i think. anyway, the blog that originally got me into the community has moved now, and i'd @ them except we never really interacted and i was just. enjoying the community from afar. then from their blog, i also met the blog that motivated me to start editing! idk if theyre still on tumblr or in the editing community so idk if theyre okay w me mentioning their url fkfnnf anyway they were super nice and i got the urge to make an edit blog, and voila! here we are.

then...controversy came. if you're aware of what i'm talking abt, i'd prefer not to say what and who was involved and it feels like a bad omen to say the name in general JBDJDHD yeah. that was a bad time for a lot of people, and the aforementioned blogs were all involved in it (not conspiratorily but they were close friends and one of them had a similar url now so,,,shit came and accusatory fingers were thrown around). anyway, both blogs are inactive (the latter deactivated) and it made me considerably sad when i found out.

as for what motivates me, well as you can see, the community isn't perfect, i've seen four big discourse scenarios and i've seen blogs leave, restart, and just quit altogether for so many reasons. it has goods and bads. and i keep editing because it makes me happy! and yes, i do sound like an old historian talking about wars when i tell what i know of its history but i do most definitely enjoy editing. there's a lot more things i could dwell on but i have this blog, and through this blog i made a lot of cool friends and met a lot of great people. there's gonna be bad times for sure but i don't like letting it overshadow the good ones bc i genuinely love this place and everyone here with all my heart, and i'm happy to stay for as long as life permits me to. JHFJDH OKAY I SOUND SO CHEESY IT'S 9 AM 4 ME AND I HAVENT HAD COFFEE YET OKAY

[penguinsledder]

Tag game post was super long so here's a new one! Thank you @itsmoonpeaches 💖 but also great now you're riding on the tumblr famous joke as well LOL 🤪

1. Why did you choose your URL?

I had this saved for a while cuz I thought of it but was already in my Hamilton phase haha. Thankfully renaissance came around and I got to use this.

But yes, I love penguin sledding and otter penguins and Kataang!

2. Any side blogs?

Technically the Kataang Week blog is a sideblog, I guess, tho I'm not the original owner of it. I also have some sideblog projects that I got too lazy to keep up.

3. How long have you been on Tumblr?

Just a bit over 7 years!

4. Do you have a queue tag?

Yes! "it's just queue and me right now", altho I just tend to reblog whenever I feel like it these days

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?

I wanted to join Kataang Week and it seemed like the best way to participate was through tumblr!

6. Why did you choose this icon/pfp?

Like its, I love Katara. I wanted a Katara icon that wasn't too common but also sassy/badass, and I remembered this scene so I edited it into an icon! I added the background in when I had a better grasp of photoshop years later lol.

7. Why did you choose your header?

I love Kimi no Na Wa and adore the artistry of the entire movie. Makoto Shinkai's gorgeous realistic backgrounds honestly contributed a lot to me loving Tokyo, and I felt that this was something that would be constant amidst my changing interests and fandoms. Plus this animated time lapse of Tokyo is just so cool that I made a gif of it and made it my header.

8. What's your post with the most notes?

Oh this. Haha it's a post about me getting worked up at how people were unfairly criticizing Malala's fashion choices lol. (Btw, Malala just got married recently so big congrats to the new couple!)

9. How many mutuals do you have?

Oh frankly idk. Been on here for 7 years and Tumblr still never bothered to put in a proper place for mutuals. Uhh ... I'd say maybe a hundred more or less I guess? Assuming some didn't deactivate/go inactive, etc.

10. How many followers do you have?

3061

11. How many people do you follow?

667

12. Have you ever made a shitpost?

Oh yeah I think so. I just can't recall what it was (or they were) exactly.

13. How many times do you use Tumblr each day?

Depends on how busy I am hahaha and if I'm looking for fandom content. It's definitely gotten less in recent years, with a spike during the Renaissance.

14. Did you ever have a fight/argument with another blog? Who won?

Haha I rarely get into arguments cuz I don't really like to argue but ... Yeah? And me of course LMAO (I also have great friends on here who defend me)

It was just about this person misinterpreting my post about Raya, making hasty generalizations, and slinging insults based on these lol. They've apologized.

15. How do you feel about “you need to reblog this" posts?

They honestly make me feel uncomfortable and I wouldn't want other people to feel that way either.

16. Do you like tag games?

Yeah!

17. Do you like ask games?

Yup!

18. Which or your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

@otterbender, famous in and out of Tumblr! (hello, I follow you on twitter as well and love your Steven Universe stuff too!)

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?

Nah

20. Tags?

Tagging @flameohotwife @chocomd @nettie-sprinkle @megpeggs @elainee-akahotteapls

[silvokrent]

RWBY Character Analysis: Pietro and Penny Polendina

Up until now I’ve been keeping quiet about my opinions on the newest volume, in no small part because my personal life has been one absurd setback after another, and I haven’t had the energy to engage in fandom meta. If you do want to know what my current opinion of RWBY is, go over to @itsclydebitches blog, search through her #rwby-recaps tag, and read every single one. At this point, her metas are basically an itemized list of all my grievances with the show. I highly recommend you check ’em out.

Or, if you don’t feel like reading several hours’ worth of recaps, then go find a sheet of paper, give yourself a papercut, and then squeeze a lemon into it. That should give you an accurate impression of my feelings.

In truth, I have a lot to say about the show, particularly how I think CRWBY has mishandled the plot, characters, tone, and intended message of their series. And while I enjoy dissecting RWBY with what amounts to mad scientist levels of glee, I think plenty of other folks have already discussed V7′s and V8′s various issues in greater depth and with far more eloquence. Any contribution I could theoretically make at this point would be somewhat redundant.

That being said, I’d like to talk about something that’s been bothering me for a while, which (to my knowledge) no one else in the fandom has brought up. (And feel free to correct me if I’m wrong.)

Today’s topic of concern is Pietro Polendina, and his relationship with Penny.

And because I’m absolutely certain this post is going to be controversial and summon anonymous armchair critics to fill my inbox with sweary claptrap, I may as well just come out and say it:

Pietro Polendina, as he’s currently portrayed in the show, is an inherently abusive parental figure.

Let me take a second to clarify that I don’t think it was RWBY’s intention to portray Pietro that way. Much like other aspects of the show, a lot of nuance is often lost when discussing the difference between intention versus implementation, or telling versus showing. It’s what happens when a writer tries to characterize a person one way, but in execution portrays them in an entirely different light. Compounding this problem is what feels like a series of rather myopic writing decisions that started as early as Volume 2, concerning Penny’s sense of agency, and how the canon would bear out the implications of an autonomous being grappling with her identity. It’s infuriating that the show has spent seven seasons staunchly refusing to ask any sort of ethical questions surrounding her existence, only to then—with minimal setup—give us Pietro’s “heartfelt” emotional breakdown when he has to choose between “saving” Penny or “sacrificing” her for the greater good.

Yeah, no thanks.

If we want to talk about why this moment read as hollow and insincere, we need to first make sure everyone’s on the same page.

Spoilers for V8.E5 - “Amity.” Let’s not waste any time.

In light of the newest episode and its—shall we say—questionable implications, I figured now was the best time to bring it up while the thoughts were still fresh in my mind. (Because nothing generates momentum quite like frothing-at-the-mouth rage.)

The first time we’re told anything about Pietro, it comes from an exchange between Penny and Ruby. From V2.E2 - “A Minor Hiccup.”

Penny: I've never been to another kingdom before. My father asked me not to venture out too far, but... You have to understand, my father loves me very much. He just worries a lot.

Ruby: Believe me, I know the feeling. But why not let us know you were okay?

Penny: I…was asked not to talk to you. Or Weiss. Or Blake. Or Yang. Anybody, really.

Ruby: Was your dad that upset?

Penny: No, it wasn’t my father.

The scene immediately diverts our attention to a public unveiling of the AK-200. A hologram of James Ironwood is presenting this newest model of Atlesian Knight to a crowd of enthusiastic spectators, along with the Atlesian Paladin, a piloted mech. During the demonstration, James informs his audience that Atlas’ military created them with the intent of removing people from the battlefield and mitigating casualties (presumably against Grimm).

Penny is quickly spotted by several soldiers, and flees. Ruby follows, and in the process the two are nearly hit by a truck. Penny’s display of strength draws a crowd and prompts her to retreat into an alley, where Ruby learns that Penny isn’t “a real girl.”

This scene continues in the next episode, “Painting the Town…”

Penny: Most girls are born, but I was made. I’m the world’s first synthetic person capable of generating an Aura. [Averts her gaze.] I’m not real…

After Ruby assures her that no, you don’t have to be organic in order to have personhood, Penny proceeds to hug her with slightly more force than necessary.

Ruby: [Muffled noise of pain.] I can see why your father would want to protect such a delicate flower!

Penny: [Releases Ruby.] Oh, he’s very sweet! My father’s the one that built me! I’m sure you would love him.

Ruby: Wow. He built you all by himself?

Penny: Well, almost! He had some help from Mr. Ironwood.

Ruby: The general? Wait, is that why those soldiers were after you?

Penny: They like to protect me, too!

Ruby: They don't think you can protect yourself?

Penny: They're not sure if I'm ready yet. One day, it will be my job to save the world, but I still have a lot left to learn. That's why my father let me come to the Vytal Festival. I want to see what it's like in the rest of the world, and test myself in the Tournament.

Their conversation is interrupted by the sound of the approaching soldiers from earlier. Despite Ruby’s protests, Penny proceeds to yeet her into the nearby dumpster, all while reassuring her that it’s to keep Ruby out of trouble, not her. When the soldiers arrive, they ask her if she’s okay, then proceed to lightly scold her for causing a scene. Penny’s told that her father “isn’t going to be happy about this,” and is then politely asked (not ordered; asked) to let them escort her back.

Let’s take a second to break down these events.

When these two episodes first aired, the wording and visuals (“No, it wasn’t my father,” followed by the cutaway to James unveiling the automatons) implied that James was the one forbidding her from interacting with other people. It’s supposed to make you think that James is being restrictive and harsh, while Pietro is meant as a foil—the sweet, but cautious father figure. But here’s the thing: both of these depictions are inaccurate, and frankly, Penny’s the one at fault here. Penny blew her cover within minutes of interacting with Ruby—a scenario that Penny was responsible for because she was sneaking off without permission. Penny is a classified, top-secret military project, as made clear by the fact that she begs Ruby to not say anything to anyone. Penny is in full acknowledgement that her existence, if made public, could cause massive issues for her (something that she’s clearly experienced before, if her line, “You’re taking this extraordinarily well,” is anything to go by).

But here’s the thing—keeping Penny on a short leash wasn’t a unilateral decision made by James. That was Pietro’s choice as well. “My father asked me not to venture out too far,” “Your father isn’t going to be happy about this”—as much as this scene is desperately trying to put the onus on James for Penny’s truant behavior, Pietro canonically shares that blame. And Penny (to some extent) is in recognition of the fact that she did something wrong.

Back in Volumes 1 – 3, before the series butchered James’ characterization, these moments were meant as pretty clever examples of foreshadowing and subverting the controlling-military-general trope. This scene is meant to illustrate that yes, Penny is craving social interaction outside of military personnel as a consequence of being hidden, but that hiding her is also a necessity. It’s a complicated situation with no easy answer, but it’s also something of a necessary evil (as Penny’s close call with the truck and her disclosing that intel to Ruby are anything to go by).

Let’s skip ahead to Volume 7, shortly after Watts tampered with the drone footage and framed her for several deaths. In V7.E7 - “Worst Case Scenario,” a newscaster informs us that people in Atlas and Mantle want Penny to be deactivated, despite James’ insistence that the footage was doctored and Penny didn’t go on a killing spree. The public’s unfavorable opinion of Penny—a sentiment that Jacques of all people embodies when he brings it up in V7.E8—reinforces V2’s assessment of why keeping her secret was necessary. Not only is her existence controversial because Aura research is still taboo, but people are afraid that a mechanical person with military-grade hardware could be hacked and weaponized against them. (Something which Volume 8 actually validates when James has Watts take control of her in the most recent episode.)

But I digress.

We’re taken to Pietro’s lab, where Penny is hooked up to some sort of recharge/docking station. Ruby, Weiss, and Maria look on in concern while the machine is uploading the visual data from her systems. There’s one part of their conversation I want to focus on in particular:

Pietro: When the general first challenged us to find the next breakthrough in defense technology, most of my colleagues pursued more obvious choices. I was one of the few who believed in looking inward for inspiration.

Ruby: You wanted a protector with a soul.

Pietro: I did. And when General Ironwood saw her, he did too. Much to my surprise, the Penny Project was chosen over all the other proposals.

Allow me to break down their conversation so we can fully appreciate what he’s actually saying.

The Penny Project was picked as the candidate for the next breakthrough in defense technology.

Pietro wanted a protector with a SOUL.

In RWBY, Aura and souls are one of the defining characteristics of personhood. Personhood is central to Penny’s identity and internal conflict (particularly when we consider that she’s based on Pinocchio). That’s why Penny accepts Ruby’s reassurances that she’s a real person. That’s why she wants to have emotional connections with others.

What makes that revelation disturbing is when you realize that Pietro knowingly created a child soldier.

Look, there’s no getting around this. Pietro fully admits that he wanted to create a person—a human being—a fucking child—as a "defense technology” to throw at the Grimm (and by extension, Salem). Everything, from the language he uses, to the mere fact that he entered Penny in the Vytal Tournament as a proving ground where she could “test [her]self,” tells us that he either didn’t consider or didn’t care about the implications behind his proposal.

When you break it all down, this is what we end up with:

“Hey, I have an idea: Why don’t we make a person, cram as many weapons as we can fit into that person, and then inform her every day for the rest of her life that she was built for the sole purpose of fighting monsters, just so we don’t have to risk the lives of others. Let’s then take away anything remotely resembling autonomy, minimize her interactions with people, and basically indoctrinate her into thinking that this is something she wants for herself. Oh, and in case she starts to raise objections, remind her that I donated part of my soul to her. If we make her feel guilty about this generous sacrifice I made so she could have the privilege of existing, she won’t question our motives. Next, let’s give her a taste of freedom by having her fight in a gladiatorial blood sport so that we can prove our child soldier is an effective killer. And then, after she’s brutally murdered on international television, we can rebuild her and assign her to protecting an entire city that’s inherently prejudiced against her, all while I brood in my lab about how sad I am.”

Holy fuck. Watts might be a morally bankrupt asshole, but at least his proposal didn’t hinge on manufacturing state-of-the-art living weapons. They should have just gone with his idea.

(Which, hilariously enough, they did. Watts is the inventor of the Paladins—Paladins which, I’ll remind you, were invented so the army could remove people from the battlefield. You know, people. Kind of like what Penny is.)

Do you see why this entire scene might have pissed me off? Even if the show didn’t intend for any of this to be the case, when you think critically about the circumstances there’s no denying the tacit implications.

To reiterate, V8.E5 is the episode where Pietro says, and I quote:

“I don’t care about the big picture! I care about my daughter! I lost you before. Are you asking me to go through that again? No. I want the chance to watch you live your life.”

Oh, yeah? And what life is that? The one where she’s supposed to kill Grimm and literally nothing else? You do realize that she died specifically because you made her for the purpose of fighting, right?

No one, literally no one, was holding a gun to Pietro’s head and telling him that he had to build a living weapon. That was his idea. He chose to do that.

Remember when Cinder said, “I don’t serve anyone! And you wouldn’t either, if you weren’t built that way.” She…basically has a point. Penny has never been given the option to explore the world in a capacity where she wasn’t charged with defending it by her father. We know she doesn’t have many friends, courtesy of Ironwood dissuading her against it in V7. But I’m left with the troubling realization that the show (and the fandom), in their crusade to vilify James, are ignoring the fact that Pietro is also complicit in this behavior by virtue of being her creator. If we condemn the man that prevents Penny from having relationships, then what will we do to the man who forced her into that existence in the first place?

Being her “father” has given him a free pass to overlook the ethics of having a child who was created with a pre-planned purpose. How the hell did the show intend for Pietro to reconcile “I want you to live your life” with “I created you so you’d spend your life defending the world”? It viscerally reminds me of the sort of narcissistic parents who have kids because they want to pass on the family name, or continue their bloodline, or have live-in caregivers when they get older, only on a larger and much more horrific scale. And that’s fucked up.

Now, I’m not saying I’m against having a conflict like this in the show. In fact, I’d love to have a character who has to grapple with her own humanity while questioning the environment she grew up in. Penny is a character who is extremely fascinating because of all the potential she represents—a young woman who through a chance encounter befriends a group of strangers, and over time, is exposed to freedoms and friendships she was previously denied. Slowly, she begins to unlearn the mindset she was indoctrinated with, and starts to petition for agency and autonomy. Pietro is forced to confront the fact that what he did was traumatic and cruel, and that his love for her doesn’t erase the harm he unintentionally subjected her to, nor does it change the fact that he knowingly burdened a person with a responsibility she never consented to. There’s a wealth of character growth and narrative payoff buried here, but like most things in RWBY, it was either underdeveloped or not thought through all the way.

The wholesome father-daughter relationship the show wants Pietro and Penny to have is fundamentally contradicted by the nature of her existence, and the fact that no one (besides the villains) calls attention to it. I’d love for them to have that sort of dynamic, but the show had to do more to earn it. Instead, it’ll forever be another item on RWBY’s ever-growing list of disappointments—

Because Pietro’s remorse is more artificial than Penny could ever hope to be.

[fakerbatch]

Wow that anon really read my mind. Why would a famous actor, a millionaire read what a few 10-15 people write on a blog when no media was interested in that showmance theory. Infact daily mail n sun left no stone unturned to hype the couple. Why would he feel the need to clarify what a bunch of people,as he quoted them as 'delusional' would think of his marriage. May be wanted to put a stop to it before it became big. But nans thinking that was slap on the faces of skeptics was so funny as they also claim Ben dosent read crazy blogs on Tumblr. Turns out his PR has eyes everywhere. Their was definitely something fishy going on that he felt the need to clarify it. Even I wasn't around that time. Now most skeptic blogs are deactivated. Why is that??? And how was it during 2014-2016 time ??

Yeah if it was real he would have no reason to call attention to doubters he’d just laugh at it.

And yeah I joined Dec 2014 and it was quite busy for that next year or so, tailing off a bit then and then tailing off a lot a few years later. Still it’s just a corner of the internet why not just ignore it? Every celebrity has all kinds of stuff said about them online most are just way above acknowledging it or engaging with it.

[chirp-featherfowl]

summertime is not a good friend.

 -       Tommy is 12 when he's assigned as a right hand man to a war general.      Far too young, the world thinks. Far too immature, the world says.        It is a war for peace, but not one a child should not carry the burden of. It is a war for hope, for prosperity, for freedom, but not one a child should be the right hand man of.       The child that is the subject of discussion does not understand, nor does he disagree with his placement. It is not for a long, long, time that he realizes.  -       In a few months time, the ages of the rest have been revealed.       A friend that is 13. An enemy that is 19. An outsider that is 19. A son that is 15. A girl that is 18.       The words pass through the minds of the watchers, only fueling them to have the world they carefully spectate fall in shambles. Some say it's sadistic, that it's cruel, but no one listens. Not even they can stop themselves from seeing what comes next. -  [Discussion Board Opened!] all hail sir billiam 23 min. ago lmao these losers saying its "problematic". get off of ur skyblock island sweetie, they're fictional <3 -- 18 replies  Skye [on hiatus!] 23 min. ago  Um they're not fictional? These are reall people   - Hati 20 min. ago       Lmao yes they are. They might as well be seeing as they shouldve known            what they were signing up for  -- 4 replies  ami | MOD | 18 min. ago  hello! please get off this discussion board and delete this post. we do not   condone discourse here, try and find another site! thank you.   - all hail sir billiam 18 min. ago       um no thanks. the mods here r shit anyways, go get the owner if u wanna            talk to me -- 8 replies -       Tommy is 13 when he learns that his suffering is being watched and condoned by millions of other people. He is angry, and rightfully so.       It just so happens that his anger has fallen on deaf ears, though, as his brother, his dear brother, is trapped in delusions of his own creation.       It is too late for his brother, and it is too late for himself. - puddle ;; shay @soggy_mem0ry Stop stanning problematic world groups and go back to playing on fucking mineplex or something. This site disgusts me 456 Retweets 34 Quote Tweets 6,282 Likes

el \ DON'T PRIV QRT @el_i god the discourse on here is horrible. i'm not going to be on this site for a while. i don't like what it's becoming. 293 Retweets 2 Quote Tweets 1,497 Likes -       It has been over six months since Tommy has been without trust. He cares for his brother, he does his best for him, and he knows he loves him back, despite the situation they're in. Tommy has done his best to bring his brother back to the way he was once before, and even though they both know it won't last long, they both put on a facade for each other. -       A young boy, the age of 16, watches as another boy, only three years younger than him, loses almost all his hope. This young boy does not matter to the state of this world, and he never will, but it is the impact that makes it so important.       The boy sits near a tree on his island, giving up hope himself. -        A girl slaughters her way to victory in small matches in her area, knowing much due to her ability to find sufficient role models.       Sufficient role models that happen to be revenge-filled adults that seem to not know they're torturing children, but it doesn't matter to her. It doesn't matter to anyone, in fact. No one cares when the world hinges on the fate of 14 year-olds who shouldn't know how to handle a crossbow, but so do nonetheless. -  frog-enthusiast - Follow man. i never thought i'd be making this post, seeing as i'm one of the more popular members of the dsmpblr community, but i'm done. i won't deactivate this blog so other people can still see it, but i probably won't be posting ever again. fuck everyone who condones this shit. -       Tommy is 14 when he begins to finally lose his hope.       He hasn't yet, despite what everyone else thinks. He is still holding onto it, not for long, but he hasn't let go.       But the world seems keen on having him release his grip, and he does, eventually.       That day is not today, though, and Tommy Simons still lives. He lives in a, sadly, different and changed mindset, but is still the same Tommy Simons.       He cannot say the same for his brother. - THEORIES ABOUT THE DSMP Kadoodles 696K views - 3 days ago MCC 9 Interview - Tapl's thoughts on DSMP, HBomb94 talking about L'cast, and more! MCC Highlights 3.2M views - 5 months ago Tommy confronts Wilbur about Manberg Obli Intel 52K views - 1 day ago - TAPL: Well, I'm not surprised you've asked me this. More that I was the first one to be asked, I guess? TAPL: If I'm being honest, I don't really want to talk about it. What does on in that world is none of my business. Though, that's not the answer you want, is it, huh? TAPL: I don't like it. It gives off such a bad energy, if that's the way you want to put it. I just... don't think it should exist, really? It shouldn't be shown off. -       Tommy is 15 when he finally, finally, crumbles. Where he, the final judge, the youngest, is corrupted, is taken down to be who he finally is.       Prey. -       Various teenagers from all across the world watch as friend gets separated from friend, and foe takes over foe. It's no surprise to the people who chose this demise, but it still is a burden to carry. To be known as one of the people that sentenced a child to an early grave is something not a lot of people personally like.       They keep on watching, though. Nothing will stop them. (But it is not as if people try.)       The world might crumble there, and they will watch. The world might disappear there, and they will watch. - Replies jumpy-the-alien - frog-enthusiast I'm sad to see you go, but I totally get where you're coming from! I really hope you come back, I love your art, but don't feel pressured. vlaired-spear fuck off with the "fuck everyone" thing. you watched this shit too. you can't put down other people while still doing the same thing. flameo-hotman @vlaired-spear holy shit this is why i hate this website. suck a dick flowgastrell @vlaired-spear I know right! Its not like the ccs will see this anyway flameo-hotman @flowgastrell yeah, maybe not in a discord server, but there's still a high chance when you post it on the fucking internet - TAPL: I know I'm probably going to lose a lot of people saying this, but you asked for my opinion, and here it is. I don't want to lie about it. Especially not when fucking children are at risk. -       Tommy remains 15 for a very long time. It is not of his own volition. He is bored, and time passes slowly.       Not until his friend arrives, that is. His friend with the mask, his friend with the lies. His friend that's not his friend.       But Tommy doesn't know that. - [Discussion Board Opened!] all hail sir billiam 45 min. ago it will be a long day in hell when i give up dsmp content lmaoooo got banned from that other board the other day mods were toxic as shit might report it idk  -- 4 replies  Gertrude Supremacy 44 min. ago  :O Oh no what happened  - all hail sir billiam 44 min. ago    just the antis being toxic again lol  -- 2 replies -       Tommy remains 15 when he his abused by the one he thinks is a friend. He remains 15 during the explosions, the traps, the hitting, the fighting, the party, the-       The things a 15-year-old should not have to deal with.       He stops saying sorry for being too weak-willed. He starts saying sorry for being too disobedient. He does both, and gets punished "suitably" for both.       It is a game, and he does not know the rules. to be continued!! may make a follow up post explaining the au

[theonetheycallhannah]

The Treatment of Captain Syverson-Chapter 12: Final Home Exercise Program

Characters: Captain Syverson x OFC (Shane Dawson)

Summary: Our lovers spend one last night together and the next morning have a serious discussion about their future after more new information comes to light about Sy’s upcoming training. Can the new relationship sustain the stress? Are Shane’s feelings justified, or can they overcome what lies before them?

Spoilers suck! Start from the top or wherever you left off HERE!

Word Count: 4.2k

Warnings:  Language, mature themes, smut, angst…well, near angst. As angsty as I get.

Author’s Note: Sorry this has taken so long, my darling dears! I’m currently on vacation and although I was hoping to be inspired by new surroundings, it’s given me WICKED writer’s block! I have a pretty solid plan for more chapters, though, so, buckle up!

Disclaimer: Unfortunately for me, Henry is not mine, le sigh, and all mention of him, his characters, any characters from his films, or his precious doggy, Kal, are strictly for transformative and recreational use. I neither ask for, nor accept payment for the work I post on Tumblr or AO3. Unbeta’d because this is for fun and escapism.

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@bloodyinspiredfuck

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@oddsnendsfanfics

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@misslaland (apparently deactivated, idk what’s up with that)

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Hope I’m not forgetting anyone! If you want to be notified when I post a new chapter or work, I’ll be happy to add you to my tag list! Stricken blogs are getting personal messages from me when a new chapter is uploaded because Tumblr’s faulty tagging system will not stand in the way of me delivering what the people want!(?) lol! (Although…their lackadaisical notification system might…sorry for that. I have no control. lol!)

X@X@X@X@X@X@X@X@X@X@X@

Sy's last two PT appointments could not have gone better. On paper, anyway. He was at full strength in his injured knee, his range of motion was better than it was in the so-called good knee, and he hadn't complained of pain above a 2/10 in the last five sessions. He'd even been using the treadmill properly the last two weeks, working up to his own goal of running again. Her goals for him were met…they could have probably stopped a session short, but she'd wanted to give him a few more handouts to finalize his HEP…and well, she'd be in major trouble for saying so, but…she couldn't stand the thought of cancelling that last visit. It felt like quitting, even though it would have been justified.

In practice, however, there was a tension between them that had never existed before. Something creating awkward energy that they couldn't seem to shake. They hadn't seen each other much outside of therapy this week, either. Not since the night of their argument. Sy had to do a lot of prep for his trip to Virginia, and Shane's caseload this week had been ridiculous. Dozens of evaluations and updates and calls to various companies on different kinds of splints and orthotics she was hoping to get for a few of her patients. A lot of time spent on the phone meant a lot of after-hours documentation. She needed a break. Even if it meant she'd have to do some work over the weekend. Sy was leaving tomorrow to get settled in Charlottesville before the big training course began. She didn't want them to be apart on his last night home for a month.

"Hey, as a celebration of your discharge from PT and your new career trajectory, how about dinner on me tonight?"

"But…you don't really want me to leave town…or to be done with therapy. Not that I, myself, won't miss you feeling me up in public." he smirked as she took his last set of range of motion measurements, her hands gently holding one arm of her goniometer to the side of his thigh…suddenly too aware of him.

"Not entirely true. I'm glad you're better, I'll just miss seeing you through the day. It breaks up the…" she sighed "the monotony of my daily life. Also, why would I want you to leave town? What would that say about me as your girlfriend?" she explained.

"S'pose you're right."

"In this case, yes. Yes I am." She winked at him.

They finished up and she gave him a few more exercises to keep in his arsenal to maintain strength and range in both knees.

"Okay, now, I won't be around to harass you about these, but keep doing them regularly, and just modify them as I've notated if they get too easy. Try to just do more reps, though. I wouldn't try to bulk it up just yet, and that's what you'll do with more weight added."

"Yes, ma'am." he said for old time's sake. She shook her head and smirked.

"And listen, please. This is your physical therapist talking right now. Be careful and mindful during … your cross country training." she wanted to call it "Survivor-Virginia," but refrained. She knew it would get his hackles up. And she was taking enough of a chance insisting that he be careful. "Nature has perils for the perfectly fit. The already injured are at a disadvantage from the gate. Mind your footing. And try not to run unless you have to. Uneven surfaces are not your friend just yet. You still need to work up to that. If you want, I'll help you with it when you get back. Just…don't undo all this work we've done together."

He seemed to see his woman peeking out from behind the mask of his therapist. Concern coloring the neutral and clinical advice she was giving him.

"I'll do my best, sunshine." he held her by the arms and kissed her forehead. It felt too intimate for the setting, but they had done worse. "I'll see ya tonight then?"

"Yeah, I'll bring some food by your place after work. What do you want?"

"Hmmm…I'll let you know." he kissed her cheek and left.

The next hour was her lunch, so she had time to contemplate what seeing him walk out for the last time had made her feel. She sighed, and started to well up, getting out her lunch bag to begin eating and documenting when a knock came at the door frame.

It was Sy, looking forlorn and manic and altogether a mess. Very unlike himself.

"I got out to the truck and something just felt wrong about the way I left today. As if it was any other day. Not our last session. You were trying to get that to land…I'm a little slow. But I finally got it." he walked to her, grabbing her up from her chair in a hug that mended all of the broken parts of her. Squeezed her back together when she'd been damn near falling apart. "Shane, you…you did more than just make me better. You've…made me better. Happier. Whole. I'll never be able to thank you properly for all of this, but…I intend to try for as long as you'll let me."

He held her while her tears fell softly onto his Def Leppard shirt. This was what she needed. For him to simply hold her, complete her, love her.

"Also, I think I'd like Chinese food tonight." she laughed into his neck.

"You idiot."

"You still like me."

"I do. And you don't need to worry about thanking me, Sy. You return the favor daily by just…being you…and being mine." She pulled him in to a ferociously sexy kiss, her hands in his hair, still too short for her liking, but getting there.

He broke away, neither wanting it to end, but both knowing it must, all the same.

"I thought we couldn't do this at your work?" he inquired, slightly out of breath.

"We couldn't do this while you were a patient. You're officially discharged. Last appointment over. All I have to do is sign your note and it's a done deal. But now…if you wanted to drop by for lunch sometime when you get back from training for your fancy job…we could…make it a regular occurrence." she smiled up into his entrancing blue eyes, sparkling with promise.

"I like the sound of that, sunshine." he gave her one more chaste kiss before his official goodbye. "See ya tonight."

As she watched him leave, she remembered thinking to herself one day how he probably used to take very confident strides…that hardly did his walk justice.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She ordered their favorites, four entrees total, so they had options, crab rangoon, egg rolls, dumplings, the works. She would be happy to eat off the leftovers all weekend. She wasn't fussy. She loved leftover Chinese takeout.

He met her at the door, having advance warning of her arrival from the canine burglar alarm, Aika.

"You got her. Good girl." he said sweetly thanking the pup for sounding off the Twilight Bark throughout the neighborhood.

"Hello!" She handed off the food to Sy and scratched at the German Shepherd's ears the way she liked, her tail wagging with joyous speed.  

"I thought we could set up a buffet on the coffee table downstairs while we watch TV?"

"Sounds great!" She said, with an enthusiasm that sounded almost forced. She wasn't able to fully shake this foreboding she felt saying goodbye to him, no matter how long they'd be apart.

Sy grabbed plates and silverware while Shane got them some beverages, and they headed downstairs, Aika knowing her boundaries did not extend to the basement except by invitation, whined at their descent. Sy wasn't having it.

"Oh, don't give us that sob story, ya brat." he rolled his eyes at Shane.

"Aww, can't she come down with us?"

"No way. I want you all to myself." a devilish smirk twitched up the corners of his mouth making him even more handsome.

"Aika has nothin' on you. You're the real dog." she teased.

"I make no excuses or arguments. I'm gonna be selfish with you tonight." they put the food and supplies on the coffee table and he caught her up into his arms. He seemed to want to inhale her into his lungs.

"Mmmm, as endearing as I've always found generosity, I really like the sound of that." She let out a huff of amusement.

They spent an uncharacteristically short amount of time choosing something to watch. They'd already started a miniseries together, and they wanted to finish it before Sy left. It was a British political thriller with a lot of intrigue and quite a bit of sex. They only had two hours left, so they finished it quickly as they ate.

They decided to put on something familiar afterward. Die Hard. Which they both quoted with ridiculous precision. They were cuddled into each other on the big sectional, lulled into comfort by the familiar security of the dialogue and the warmth of the other.

Soon, Sy's hand found its way to Shane's thigh. It inched its way inside and up. She felt like he could hear her heart rate quicken, just as she knew he could hear her breaths come with more effort due to his touch.

She looked at him, and despite her apprehension about his decision to leave her so early in their relationship, she wanted him. She'd known for so long now. It felt like forever, for longer than they'd even known one another. A ridiculous notion. But with that same gaze, she begged him to continue. The signal was not lost on the captain. His mouth punished hers in a kiss so deliciously violent and needy she thought there was no way he couldn't feel the same for her. She pushed to the back of her busy mind all of the negative emotions the kiss brought up, the confusion as to how and why he was going to leave her when he clearly needed her just as badly as she needed him, and just let this beautiful moment become what it would.

As hard as that was to do.

The way he touched her was a pretty effective distraction. One hand held her firmly against his mouth by the nape while the other built friction in her over her jeans. She felt her body's primal responses of the building pressure and her hands gripping at his shirt. His guttural moan at her answering touch only fueled the inferno in her. She needed more of him. She thrust up into his hand wantonly. He took himself away from her, cruelly, but to be so very kind, she would soon see. He undid her jeans and tugged them down, along with her panties. In the process, he repositioned her conveniently at the edge of the sofa. He scooted the coffee table out of the way enough to kneel before her. He tortured her with kisses from her knee up her inner thigh on both sides before continuing those kisses where she really needed them.

His warm breath hit her first and she arched, aching in anticipation for the corporeal. He looked up at her with his dervish's grin, seeing the desire on her face and feeling it course through her body, and although he was a better man than her previous lovers, and a better man than most, no man was so good that making his woman feel like this didn't make him feel like a god.

"Darlin', you're so gorgeous like this." he said as he teased her with his mouth. Her words failed. She had only unintelligible syllables for him. He didn't seem to mind. In fact, he seemed thoroughly amused by her speechlessness. Amused and encouraged. She'd never felt like this before. His lips and tongue worked over her trembling flesh, both as familiar paths and brand new territory. Discovering the new and remembering the familiar, all at once.

"Sy." she whispered, so close to her peak, and needing him to continue, but unable to do more than moan his name.

"I know, sugar. I know it won't be long. Whenever you're ready, sweetheart."

And she fell apart under his expert touch. He soothed her body down from the climax and asked her if she was ready for bed.

"I think not!" she replied. "The movie isn't over." and she pulled him up to her by the cheeks into another crushing kiss and guided him to the couch. She kicked her bottoms off her ankles to avoid tripping and repositioned herself between his legs as he'd done with her.

"You don't have to, sunshine." he caressed her jaw.

"I know, babe. I want to. Let me do this for you." He was always eager to taste her but she'd yet to return the favor at his own request. She was done letting him decline. She didn't want him leaving without giving him this small parting gift.

It wasn't as if she was unfamiliar with how big he was. She'd touched him, and had him inside her…but seeing him this close was different. She fully appreciated what a feat it was to take him.

She started in with her own tricks, which made him moan, just as planned. His hands laced gently and lovingly in her hair as she worked her mouth and hands over him. She looked up at him after a few moments to gauge his reaction and couldn't have been more pleased. His expression was one of pure, tortured bliss. She felt so powerful.

"Angel, I'm not gonna last much longer." she took that as her cue to get on top of him.

She joined their bodies with a groan of ecstasy that he echoed. She gripped his shoulders as she moved against him, slow and measured at first, but becoming more frantic and erratic as she chased her climax. One hand remaining on her hip, the other came to her chin and directed her gaze to him. Her eyes, blazing with desire, met his, full of tears. She fell against his lips, as she climbed higher, needing that final push to send her over. Which it did, tumbling into that familiar bliss, that she'd have to savor for…well, too long. She didn't want to think too hard about that. This would be their last night together for several weeks. And she wanted to make the most of it. She looked at him, nodded, and after a few more thrusts, he came to his own pinnacle with a shudder beneath her, clutching at her back, resting his head on her sternum. She held him there, and took a few cleansing breaths with her own cheek pressed against his lengthening hair. She stroked the ones at the back of his neck for a moment as they came down from their impossible high.

"Shall we continue this upstairs?" she asked as the cheery, festive, and entirely out-of-season notes of "Let It Snow" played on the TV with the rolling credits of Die Hard. He grinned.

"Yeah, if I still have bones in my legs." he kissed her neck, just above the collar of her tee. "And I'll come down later and clear all this up. We'll just have to close the door so Aika doesn't come down and have herself a party. She's a good dog, but I'm not about to tempt her."

Shane carefully slid off of Sy's lap, attempting not to make too much of a mess, grabbed her panties and slipped them on for the walk to Sy's room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The musical chiming of Sy's phone alarm came too damned early. They'd barely slept, not wanting to waste a moment together. When they finally nodded off after their last round of fervent love-making, they wrapped themselves around one another and were both out like lights in no time. Now he was untangling himself from her to turn the noise off and presumably begin the process of getting ready to leave for the airport. He only snoozed it, though, and pulled her more tightly against his bare, hairy chest.

"What time is it?" She asked, bleary from lack of sleep and extreme fatigue. Not that she was complaining.

"Seven. But my flight doesn't leave until 10, and it's just from the base. There's a flight leaving there for  Charlottesville-Albemarle Airport and I'm hitchin' a ride with them."

"Oh good. I had anticipated we'd have to drive to Springfield, or even St. Louis this morning." She would do it for Sy, of course, but she wasn't looking forward to a six hour minimum round trip, half of which she would have to make alone.

"Nah, and I'm hoping to work something out for the return trip, too, but I'll let you know about that, then. I've made those open ended, though, because I don't know about the return date."

"Sure. God, that's so…crazy. Not in a bad way, just, I can't imagine leaving home without a clear plan on when I'd be back. Of course, knowing it won't be more than a month helps, I guess."

"Yeah."

"And really, a part of me has dreamed of living a sort of nomadic existence since I was very young, so I definitely see the romance in it."

"Totally agree. Hey, I'm hungry. How about we get ready and I'll buy ya breakfast?" He seemed evasive, but she was hungry, too, so she let it go.

"Sounds great!"

They got up and showered together, keeping the sexy time to a minimum given the current time constraints they'd now placed upon themselves. If they didn't hurry, they'd never get out of Cracker Barrell in time to get him to the base.

He loaded his bag in her cargo space and they headed off to the restaurant, which was hopping with traffic on a Saturday morning, as was expected. But since there were only two of them, they got a table without waiting.

They ordered coffees, and Cokes, not super healthy, but hey, this wasn't a daily occurrence. It was a splurge.

Sy ordered some massive and meaty breakfast spread that sounded like a heart attack waiting to happen, while Shane kept it simple with biscuits and gravy and a side of fruit…also, she stole a strip of Sy's bacon. Again…she was a weak woman.

The conversation was light and friendly and lovey…until the time came to leave. Sy picked up the check and took it to the counter to pay and then led her out the double doors back to her vehicle.

"You'll be able to FaceTime me on evenings you haven't gone walkabout in the wilderness, right?"

"I'm not sure they call it that outside of Australia, or even the Crocodile Dundee movies, but yeah, we'll plan on that, for sure."

"Good. I'll miss you so much. But at least I have a pretty good idea of when you'll be back." she was spouting excitedly, but he was being rather cagey again. He piped up with three words that never start off a good sentence.

"Yeah, about that…" she looked at him as they closed the doors to her Explorer, waiting for him to continue…hoping for good news, but expecting bad.

"I got an email last night…late…that I…that the training…might take longer than they told me at first." he winced for the impact of her reception of the anticipated bad news.

"Longer…uh-huh. How much longer?" she asked, backing out of her parking space.

"Ya know if you back into these spaces you don't have to worry about--"

"Really? This is the moment you want to man-splain the concepts of parking to me, Sy? I'll save you the trouble. My dad couldn't get me to do it, and I don't see you having any success, either. Now, how much longer?"

"I don't…they didn't give a concrete--"

"Give me your best guess based on what you know. Give me a range. A ballpark, if you will."

"Uhh…two or three more…weeks…than planned." he winced as she drove toward Fort Leonard Wood Army Base from the peaceful breakfast joint. It was rather poetic, really, since the conversation had turned from relaxed to militant. And they were driving from civilian territory into a land of combatants. Not a war zone, but a zone of warriors, perhaps. And she was ready for battle, herself.

"Sy. That's more than six weeks."

"I know." he said, his eyes downcast in some combination of shame, fear, and sadness.

"And you're…fine with it?" she prodded, prompting him to consider her.

"Of course I don't like it. I'm gonna hate being away from my sunshine for even a week. But this is…it's about who I am. Who I'm meant to be from now on. I have to find my way from here, Shane."

"I guess my only question is…where do I fit into this…path. This life you're making for yourself? We're brand new. But we've worked really hard already to get where we are. And I've worked really hard to get to where I am, professionally. In my dream job. No, the circumstances aren't ideal, but the work makes me think, and gives me purpose. What am I suppose to do? Either I give that up, or I give up…the only man I've ever been with who's made me actually happy."

"I don't want that. I don't want to lose you, and I don't want you to give anything up for me, darlin.' That'll just lead to you resentin' me down the road, and I don't want that, neither." He stopped a moment and just looked at her, face holding back frustrated and angry tears…but also very sad ones. "What about this? Let's just, talk about all this moving forward stuff when I'm back from training. At that point, I'll know more about what to expect about jobs and assignments. And…if it would make you feel more comfortable…we can call ourselves…unexclusive. That way, if you meet someone while I'm gone--"

"Have you lost your mind?" She interrupted his ridiculous attempt to be selfless. She was secure enough in his feelings for her that he wasn't making the suggestion for himself.

"I'm serious. If you meet someone, and he sweeps you off your feet, don't resist. I want you to be happy, Shane."

"Then come back and teach gym at the local high school. Better yet, don't go, at all."

"You remember all that stuff you said about having your dream job and a purpose?" Shane nodded. "You want me to find all that too, don'tcha?"

"No. I'm a selfish bitch who wants you here with me no matter the cost. And I don't care if you resent me in the long run. At least I'll have you." she laughed at her sarcasm and only slightly true self-deprecation.

"You'll be fine. You managed so far without me." he reminded her as she pulled up to the gate, guarded by about four men, who's rank she couldn't tell, but one of whom Sy called a sergeant.

"I'll get out here and they'll take me to the hangar in a cart. No civilian vehicles allowed today. Apparently they're doing maneuvers." he shrugged and got out to grab his bag.

"I put the rest of the takeout in here too. It's in one of my nice coolers on ice."

"Thanks." she told her shoes as they stood under the shade of her rear access hatch. She couldn't look at him right now. He made her, though.

"This ain't quite like the airport, but I still don't have a lot of time, sunshine." he kissed her hard, and it really felt like a goodbye, which almost hurt more than his leaving. Almost. He wrapped his arms tightly around her, and she knew she'd feel that embrace all evening. She hoped it would last for weeks.

"I love you, Sy." she sobbed to him. Trying like hell to keep it together.

"I love you, darlin.' Now don't you forget that when some other handsome fella gives you the eye. Make sure he's worth it, if you're gonna write me a dear john letter." he winked at her. She laughed and nodded, but didn't feel it was that funny, and didn't intend to adhere to his parameters of their relationship. He ducked under the arm that was preventing her from driving through. Although, legs as long as his, he almost could have stepped over it. She watched him walk away for as long as she could before she was given the signal that she must leave and let other traffic through…although, she resented this. There were two lanes, after all. Couldn't these men see what a mess she was? She'd just had to say goodbye to the love of her life…and she didn't know when…or indeed, if…she'd see him again. She had hope…but that didn't stop her from crying all the way home and the rest of the afternoon as the ghost of Sy's parting hug faded from her skin.

Up Next: Chapter 13: SNAFU