#but yeah since everything arrived early fulfillment will definitely be done before we had even expected to get started! very good news ther

[shopwitchvamp]

February Preorder Status Update:

[daydream-believin]

The Never-Ending Roadtrip (Autumn in New York, pt 2)

summary: (ch 1) Reader joins Douxie in the quest for Nari’s safety. He’ll need company won’t he? - ch 10) an end to our NYC journey

warnings: swearing, alcohol mention, lots of food, NYC, pizza rat

word count: 6k on the dot

a/n: i wrote most of this when i should have been sleeping,,, so yeah. i wanna go to nyc now. HERE IT IS THE FINALE BON APETIT Y’ALL

Y/n opened her eyes very slowly. In the in-between of sleep and wake, her brain had painted a picture of her old room in the bookstore. Yes, she could still see the curtains blowing in the breeze let in by the open window. The early morning glow on the floorboards. Douxie’s soft snoring filling her ears. Yes, yes, she was home and everything felt right. And then, slowly, it wasn’t. The warm wooden floorboards faded into a white carpet, and suddenly she didn’t know what she was looking at anymore. It was disorienting. She wasn’t in her own bed. Right. New York.

She turned over onto her back and was startled when she realized Douxie was actually there, next to her. His snoring wasn’t her dream, like it had been many times before when this exact thing had happened to her. Right again. Douxie loved her back now. That was an actual thing in real life and not just her dreams. Y/n supposed it would have been weirder if he wasn’t next to her. In the scheme of things. But that didn’t mean she would be used to it any time soon. But that was good. A pleasant surprise every morning. A little burst of serotonin, as a treat.

Y/n looked at the little hot pink alarm clock. 5:48am. Good! Right on time. Just enough minutes to get everyone out the door by 6:30 as was planned. Douxie… was not going to like this. She looked over the wizard’s sleeping form. She’d let him have his rest while she showered, leaving him blissfully unaware of what’s to come. Even then he might put up a fight. Y/n popped her head into the living room to check on Nari. Still sound asleep, snug as a bug on the fluffy couch with Archie. All good. She preceded with her morning routine.

Y/n pulled on her sneakers. She supposed she really must wake Doux now. They were running out of time. She stopped dead in her tracks when she caught sight of him. If an awake Douxie was cute, then a sleeping Douxie was absolutely adorable. All Y/n’s adoration belonged to this man who was sound asleep, and therefore could not fully appreciate her doting. She had to get some pictures. Just a few, then she’ll wake him up for sure this time.

Y/n was leaning over Doux, getting closer for a better angle, when she heard his voice, muffled by the pillow he had his gorgeous face half buried into. She strained to be able to make out what he was saying.

“y-y/n…” The dopiest grin spread across his still-sleeping features.

Y/n heart was filled with so much love it might burst. And her face was so hot it might catch on fire. He was dreaming. Of her. It looked like it was a good dream, too. Even when unconscious, he stilled cared for her. His snoozing brain could have conjured up anyone, anyone in the world he’d met in the last nine centuries, and it chose her. What a wonderful feeling it was to be chosen. He had married her, she knew he had chosen her, but it still felt special to be chosen again, and again, and again, as it would through the future to come. She didn’t even know why she had done it, asked him to marry her, that is. What had possessed her. Even as she did, she had half expected him to brush it off, or maybe offer a ‘someday’, but never in her wildest dreams would she have expected him to take it as seriously as he did. Never would she have expected him to be so eager. To declare, tomorrow. She ran her hand down his arm.

“Dewdrop, you need to wake up.” He half-opened his eyes, before groaning and shutting them again in defiance. Five more minutes. Douxie was not a morning person. Neither was Y/n, but she always seemed to be up before him still. He needed to get back to her anyways. She was waiting for him in-. Someone tapped his nose repeatedly. Fine. Awake it is then.

Douxie finally opened his eyes, taking in the form of the goddess leaning over him. Oh. Maybe this was better than the dream. Were her hands on him? Yes, she was stroking his face. This definitely was better. With the small price to pay of being awake. He’d pay it happily. Give her all he had. His time, what he was made of, was a sacrifice to the most beautiful goddess. Aphrodite be damned.

She pulled him out of bed by the arm and led him to the shower. “Come on, get ready, we have to go.” She started the process of braiding back her hair.

“Wait,”

“What?”

“Stop, I want to do your hair for you.”

Y/n laughed, dropping the strands in her grasp. “Okay.”

Douxie brushed through his own drying hair and tossed it back. He went to go find Y/n, who was sitting on the edge of the bed, scrolling through a website on her phone, double checking a time. He sat next to her. Douxie ran his fingers through her locks.

“Hmm, I’m thinking… a pretty five strand.”

“and I’m thinking you need to put on some clothes first,” She pointed to the towel wrapped around his hips, “You can always braid my hair later, but you need to be dressed so we can walk out the door. We’re on a time crunch here, Dewdrop.”

“So be it.” Douxie smiled as he got up to go fulfil his wife’s request.

Now fully dressed and actually ready to go, Douxie busied himself with Y/n’s hair again. “How are we on time?”

“We should be good, as long as you don’t do anything too fancy.”

“I won’t-”

“You said five strands, like a challah bread or something. That’s fancy.”

Douxie laughed, “Okay, but it won’t take long, I promise.”

Douxie’s fingers made quick and clever work of the strands of hair. He made sure to keep it tight, but not too tight. He used to see lovers plait each other’s hair back in the day. He would look on longingly, wishing he had someone to do the same with. And now he did. Maybe he would consider growing his hair back out, if it gave Y/n the same opportunity. Not the manbun though. He was not considering bringing back the fucking manbun by any means. But having Y/n plait it every day, that would be pleasant. Not at all a cringey hairstyle. And Y/n had mentioned to him how pretty she thought past-his long hair was.

He pulled the strands further away from her neck as he was getting closer to the ends. He had to admit, he had planned on doing something a little fancier, but this would have to do. Y/n seemed anxious to make whatever deadline she had given herself. He leaned in to whisper in her ear.

“You know, I’ve always wanted to do this,” he chuckled, and his breath on her ear made her shiver, “You cannot imagine how many times I’ve dreamed of running my fingers through your hair, My Love. It just. Looked so soft.” Douxie pressed a kiss to the nape of her neck. “And… Done!”

Douxie leaned back to admire his work. Simple, like she wanted, but very intricate the same. Y/n turned around to him as she headed for the bathroom mirror, taking note of how proud he looked. She turned her head this way and that in the mirror.

“Wow, this is so cute, Dewdrop. How’d you get so good.”

“Thank you, centuries of practice you see.”

Y/n giggled as she checked the clock. 6:34. “OH come on we’re gonna miss the subway.”

~~~

The subway was a magical place. Y/n sure thought so. All you had to do was step down a random staircase in the middle of the sidewalk, a nifty portal, and suddenly you were in an underground maze of commuters. Nari thought the turnstiles were odd. She just walked under it, and no one around the seemed to care, so Y/n just let her. Paying one less fare was no sweat off her back. The tiles that lined the wall were very dirty. There were mystery stains on the floor. Well, not that one the she just pulled Nari away from. That was definitely dried blood. The sound of a million grumpy people milling about and the coming and going of trains was all that Y/n could hear. She gripped Douxie’s hand tight as she double checked the map to see if they were about to board the right line. The 4 train would take them to the Brooklyn Bridge-City Hall station, right where they needed to go. This was the right way.

Right before the train arrived, Nari pointed to a spot across the hall. “Look, Archie.”

Crawling up the side of the platform was a rat. A big, fat rat. A big, fat rat with something in its mouth, carrying it up to the top. Once the rat did pull his prize up to the platform, it was plain to see. A slice of pepperoni pizza. Douxie had no idea where such a creature would acquire a perfectly whole slice of pizza this early in the morning, or, at all. Maybe it someone dropped it last night and abandoned it? The rat looked a bit scruffy. Did he have to fight off other rats for this prime piece of pie? This month had started of pretty normal for Doux but now he was standing in a subway station, holding the hand of his wife, pondering the secret life of a New York rat with a slice of pizza in its little mouth. Marvelous. Douxie felt Archie dig his claws into his shoulders, and making a chattering sound.

“Please Arch, we don’t have time for you to eat that rat.”

“But you just know it tastes like pizza, it’s got the grease all over its fur-”

“Archie, I fucking swear-”

Doux was cut off from his swearing by the train pulling in. The people who exited it rushed past, all having somewhere to be. None of them stopping to take in the wonder that was the pizza rat. Archie was sad to board the train and leave the rat. He’d get over it. The crowd of people all rushing in at once startled Nari. She clung to Y/n’s side. Since it was so early in the morning, a lot of commuters filled the train, and there wasn’t any seating left by the time they got there. Douxie gripped the ceiling bar, Y/n gripped his arm as if it was a ceiling bar, and Nari held on tight to Y/n. Douxie stared out the window in a trance as the world wooshed by him. This truly was a bizarre situation to be in. If you had told him last month that he would be here, he would have, well, not laughed, since his life was strange enough that he wouldn’t doubt it, but he would at least harbor some disbelief. There was their station.

Y/n checked the time as they stepped out onto the platform. 6:59. They needed to hurry. She tugged on Douxie’s arm. “C’mon!”

They made it to the Brooklyn Bridge just in time. Douxie was still confused about why Y/n was so adamant about being here so early in the morning. As they walked over it towards Manhattan, he understood. The early morning sun started rising just as they started the walk. The city skyline was glowing. The brilliant pinks and oranges painted the sky and everything around them. Each skyscraper glittered with the light reflecting off the windows. It was breathtaking.

The walk itself was quite relaxing. Douxie wouldn’t call the air fresh, smog and all that, but it was nice, cool and crisp. Pigeons flew by, adding their two cents in conversations only they could understand. The cars on the road next to them zoomed past. Every car had a person, and that person had somewhere to be at this early hour. Doux hoped they made it to their destinations safely. Every once and a while he would hear a honk, although he wasn’t sure from where it came. Douxie put his arm over Y/n’s shoulder to pull her closer to him. The journey from Brooklyn to Manhattan took about forty-five minutes, but it was peaceful thinking time, and Doux was grateful. Sure, plenty could go wrong, with them being on a bridge above the ocean that they were sharing with lots of fast cars, but with Y/n so close to him, he was able to put all that out of his mind.

As they reentered Manhattan, Y/n took no time at all in leading her family to a diner. She was hungry, okay? She needed breakfast. And coffee. Surely Archie would agree with her. It was food time.

Diner coffee was the best. Douxie didn’t care what fancy gourmet stuff the trendy coffee shops came out with, diner coffee would always be the best. It just had a certain je ne sais quoi. Maybe it was the vibe. Whatever it was, it was just what he needed right now at 8:00am. Not only was he unsure of how he made it this long without any caffeine, Douxie was kind of surprised he was getting away with having Archie with him, in all these places, in broad daylight. Guess his shoulder cat wasn’t the strangest thing New Yorkers had seen. Said shoulder cat was scarfing down a plate of eggs and bacon.

Y/n told Doux the rest of what she planned on having them do today over breakfast. Not much else, but enough. They’d still be out of the house until evening. That was fine. He couldn’t think of anywhere he’d rather be than wherever she was. As they left, they passed by a couple of kids inputting songs into the jukebox with devilish smirks. They were leaving just in time then.

Next up was a ferry ride to Staten Island. The ferry was constant, running every half hour, therefore they only had to wait a few minutes before it arrived once again for them to board. They found their seats on the upper deck, as per Y/n’s request. Apparently, this was because their reason for riding the ferry was not in fact to get to Staten Island like Douxie had thought. The purpose of the trip was to look out and see Bedloe’s Island and Lady Liberty who made her home there as the ferry cruised by it.

Y/n made Douxie hold Archie up so she could get a picture of him with the statue in the background. Archie was used to the strangeness of his familiar and his wife so the dragon cat didn’t question it. Archie_the_emo_kitty fans were going to love this. Y/n also got some of Nari and the gang. And a couples picture, but sadly, kissing Douxie’s cheek for a photo just didn’t get the same reaction as before. He was still a little pink though, as he was during all her showers of affection, so Y/n counted that as a victory.

Staten Island is hailed as the greenest borough, and thus the perfect place for Nari. After letting her run through a park for a while, they grabbed lunch at a Sri Lankan restaurant before taking the ferry back. Their clothes would smell like curry and spices for the rest of the day. Delicious, and worth it.

~~~

“Why are we going to a bar at 2pm?”

“Oh, you know, I figured day drinking was the next step for our vacation vibes,” Y/n answered Archie sarcastically, “Yeah, no. We’re just going up there to look out their window for the view.”

“You humans and your obsession with views.” Archie really didn’t see the big deal here. Whatever. He’d have to go whether he liked it or not.

Looking out over the city form the skyscraper bar’s wide window, Douxie felt uneasy. This bar’s claim to fame was this window that offered the view of the Empire State building. A building that used to be the tallest in the world. And then a younger and brighter architect built a higher one in Dubai. Makes sense. Nothing ever lasts long. He looked down at Y/n standing beside him. Maybe something would last long. He’d do everything in his power to make sure of it.

The last touristy thing Y/n wanted to see for the night was Broadway. It was getting chillier now that the sun was sinking, and Douxie magicked Y/n up a coat that was thicker than his old hoodie that she had been wearing nonstop since she stole it he gave it to her. However, she had been complaining about it losing its smell lately and telling him he needed to wear it again. Although she’d yet to let him have it back. She looked cute in the new coat. She looked cute in everything. Douxie was biased.

Broadway was covered in bright lights. The rows of theaters advertised their shows on big, dramatic signs. They weren’t going to go see any of the musicals, but it was fun to stroll down the street and see everything it had to offer. The world was bathed in an opulent gold, even the light in Y/n’s eyes as she led him down the way. Fitting, she was golden. Douxie felt like everything she touched turned to gold, like that old myth. He supposed that made him golden too.

One last stop before they went home for the night, a grocery market. They passed by so many Italian restaurants on their way from Broadway, Y/n was craving gnocchi. After hearing her talk about it during the walk, Douxie was too. Douxie held the handbasket while Y/n gathered the produce they needed for the soup. Plums were in season, and Y/n convinced Doux to let her make a few into some sweet rolls. Well, not convinced, he was all for it, she just had to ask. His cheeks were tinted just ever so slightly pink. He knew she’d known him for a really long time, so of course she knew all his favorite foods, but it still made him feel special that she’d take the time to memorize it. To memorize him. They got the cream, eggs, and butter they needed before starting the journey back to the apartment. Douxie carried all three of the bags. He wouldn’t let Y/n or Nari take one. He appreciated them offering, but, it’s not like they were heavy.

The ole’ valentines suite was just as lovey dovey as when they left it. They got to work on dinner as soon as they took off their coats. Nari and Archie took their places perched on the couch. The thing about being cute is you never have to work for your dinner, someone is always feeding you. It was alright, Douxie liked it this way better anyhow. This way he got to cook with Y/n as a special thing, just the two of them. They used to cook with each other a lot back when they were roommates. In fact, every weekend they put aside time to cook a meal together. It was tradition. Douxie had always wanted hug Y/n from behind while she stirred whatever was in the pan. He couldn’t do that then, but he definitely could now. Every time she had lifted a spoon to his lips, instructed him to taste, had been a knife jammed into his chest. She was always right there, so close he could touch, and he couldn’t do anything about it back then. He’d have to make up for lost time then.

Y/n put the potato pot on to boil and started on the sweet roll dough, asking Douxie if he’d chop up the vegetables for the soup. Aww, guess he had a job and couldn’t just spend this whole time hanging on her. Oh well, he’d chop. That was often his role in their cooking exploits. He’d admit, he had almost chopped his fingers a few times when he got too distracted sneaking glances at Y/n. He was a danger to himself really.

Y/n set the dough out to rise and started pitting and slicing up the plums. They wouldn’t need them for an hour or so, but might as well get them prepared and set aside. Douxie was still chopping the soup veggies, albeit slowly. Y/n thought he looked like he might be a little too far into his head.

“Hey Dewdrop,” Douxie looked at her, puzzled, “lets sing something to pass the time, yeah?”

Douxie was happy to sing with his beloved, and Y/n was happy to get Doux distracted from whatever was bothering him. And it was fun. Really fun. Y/n forgot how much she missed singing with people. Douxie’s voice meshed really well with hers. She really couldn’t believe that he liked her voice and that it was as pretty as he had been telling her lately, but she didn’t really care about that anymore; whether or not her voice was good or if it was embarrassing. She just liked singing, and sharing that with Doux felt special.

Potato mashing was a fun way to let off steam, Douxie had found. The more anger you let out on the potato, the better it was. Reminded him of back when Merlin would put him on kitchen duty for a day as punishment. He took out his frustrations on the potatoes then too. The old kitchen master encouraged it. After Douxie mashed those potatoes for her, Y/n added in the flower and salt, and began kneading the dough. Now Y/n didn’t know about mash potatoes for anger management but dough kneading was where it’s at. This was just gnocchi dough though, so it wasn’t worked too hard.

Now for the fun part, making the shapes. Now you could just go with the normal fork rolled gnocchi, but where’s the creativity in that. No, Douxie and Y/n liked to have little competitions of who could come up with the coolest looking gnocchi shape whenever they made this recipe. This time, Douxie won by making his dough ball into the form of a little rat, a tip of the hat to this glorious city they were in, and Y/n lost her shit. She wouldn’t let him make any more though, they didn’t need to be eating rat soup. That would be disrespectful to ratatouille.

Eventually, Y/n did start standing around stirring the pot of broth, and Douxie got his blessed hug from behind opportunity. Yep, this was just as good as he dreamed it would be. He got to watch what she was doing from over her shoulder, pepper her neck in kisses, and every now and then she’d turn to grab his face and kiss him too. At one point, tired of the short pecks, Y/n fully turned around, throwing her arms around his neck, pulling him down for a more serious kiss. Y/n was obviously the more forward one in this relationship, but it still took Douxie by surprise every time. A good surprise, the best kind even. Each and every kiss they shared became the new favorite moment of his life, this one was no exception. Their lips moved together slowly, taking the time to savor every second of each other’s presence. Maybe a little too much. They didn’t pull apart until they heard Archie make a gagging noise. Y/n laughed as she turned back to the soup. Douxie shot Archie an angry glare before going back to his place over her shoulder. Yes, this was the most perfect way to spend an evening, rude dragon-cats aside. The soup smelled heavenly. But he didn’t want it to be ready quite so soon. Soup could wait, cuddles were priority right now.

But of course, the soup did finish cooking, and the lovebirds had to separate. Y/n though it was adorable how disgruntled Douxie was at this development. Actually eating the soup cheered him right back up however. It was delicious, It was the best soup they’d ever made. Must be the love. And the cuddles. Yeah, that’s what made it so tasty. This was honeymoon soup.

After dinner, Y/n got to work on the sweet rolls. After kneading the dough one last time and rolling it out, she let Nari help her place the filling and roll em up. The little goddess thought rolling up the dough was entertaining, and she liked how the end result looked like little roses. After putting the bake in the oven, Y/n gravitated over to that floor to ceiling window.

The city never slept, and it was just as abuzz as it was during the day, if not busier. Y/n sat cross-legged on the floor, gazing out at it all. Headlights of cars flew by. Pedestrians strolled with their shopping bags, bundled up in coats and scarves. Every moment passed was the present, and then suddenly it was the past. Y/n couldn’t tell the future. She couldn’t guess what person or car she would see next, and who knows what or who will walk by in this city, New York. There was a way to expect it and yet no way to know for sure.

The oven timer dinged, and Y/n got up to take the rolls out. The sugary smell filled the apartment. Y/n tried to swat Nari’s hand away from the just-out-of-the-oven pastries, but turns out the heat didn’t affect the veggie lady’s hands at all. Nari had heat resistant paws. Y/n supposed that probably came in handy dealing with that other Order member that was all fiery. Douxie was the real one she had to watch. It seemed he never got past the moppet stage of not thinking about the consequences of putting a molten hot sweet roll in his mouth. And he was good at sneaking them too, from all his years of doing so in the castle. Y/n rolled her eyes at his antics, but secretly thought it was cute. After the rolls had properly cooled, she took her own to-go as she found herself pulled back to that window once again.

Y/n ate her plum roll, watching it all, thinking about the future that was simultaneously always present and never coming. Y/n felt Douxie sit beside her, silently. He had yet to say a word to her after a few seconds, so she scooted a little closer to him so she could lay her head on his shoulder. Soon she felt his arm wrap around her, pulling her in tighter against him. Y/n waited another beat before speaking up, “Hey,”

“Hey.”

“I was wondering.” She said slowly.

“Yeah?”

“What happens after this?”

Douxie was taken off guard. He cleared his throat, “uhhh, I-”

“Like assuming we ever do defeat the order, which we will,” Douxie smiled at her confidence, “what’s next for us, Dewdrop?”

Doux had to take a moment to think. It’s not like he hadn’t thought about this himself, and if anything being able to give Y/n a good future consumed a lot of his thoughts, but he’d never been able to find a plan he felt like he could stick with. “I- I don’t know, Love. I’m sure we could return to Arcadia, if that would be something you would want. I’d never really settled down anywhere before that little town. And, I think, I’d want to go back.” Douxie’s eyes stared unblinking into the city lights, “It’s home now. In a perfect ending where everything resets when the war’s over, that is.” He rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand. “We’ll have to wait and see. Things never really stay the same for long. Even if we can’t go back, we’ll find home somewhere. We’ll go home.”

Y/n pulled her legs out from under her, bringing them in close to her chest. “It is something I would want. Take me home, Hisirdoux. Is that a promise?”

Douxie took her hand and kissed her knuckles, “That’s a promise.”

The silence enveloped them once again. Stars knew how long they sat there, looking out in silence. Y/n practically fell asleep leaning on Doux. She yawned really big and Douxie smiled fondly as he got up, taking care to not disturb her too much as he scooped her up bridal style. “Come on Love, let’s go to bed.”

After gently placing Y/n in bed and snuggling in with her, Douxie let himself savor this now mundane moment between them. It was strange to think that just last month this simple thing would have short circuited him. He heard her giggle sleepily and raised an eyebrow.

“If we ever rebuild the bookshop, I want,,” She trailed off. Now Douxie was curious.

“Yes?” He further prompted.

“I want to make half of it a tea room, can we do that?”

“I- yeah I can certainly see about that.”

Y/n giggled again, “With fancy teacups?” she said groggily.

Douxie smiled, humoring her, “With fancy teacups.”

“Aannddd. And. Maybe,,” she whispered, “a baby.”

Douxie took in a sharp breath. Wow. He tried his best to keep his voice from cracking, “and a baby.” He wasn’t sure if Y/n even heard him as she was now snoring in his arms. A baby. He’d give her every baby she wanted. Raise a whole brood of moppets. Or just the one. Or none if she changed her mind. He’d be happy either way. But there was something about the thought of her wanting to have a baby with him that just made his whole face flush. He probably wasn’t going to be able to sleep tonight now. Douxie was anything but new to insomnia, but he’d never had such a sweet thing to be the cause of it before. His heart was going to melt. He pressed a kiss to Y/n’s hair. Yeah, he would be happy to melt here with her.

~~~

No early start to this day. Y/n didn’t have many things planned, so sleeping in was the main event of the morning. Douxie was completely okay with that, encouraged it even. He rarely got a day off to sleep in. And with Y/n in his arms? It was that much sweeter. But eventually they did leave the house, grabbing some leftover plum rolls on their way out for breakfast. They couldn’t just keep Nari indoors, it didn’t take long for her to get antsy. There was still plenty of things to do and see in New York so off they went.

First stop of the day, the flat iron building. They stood on the sidewalk across the street from it, the crowd instinctually parting to walk around them without caring.

“look at it. It’s triangular.”

“It, it sure is.” Douxie kinda looked to the side, unsure of how he was supposed to be reacting.

“Yeah I didn’t know what I was expecting.” Back in the subway and on to the market then.

Specifically Chelsea Market. Douxie got a weird feeling as he walked through the doors. Strange, he felt like they were being watched. Which of course they were, they were in one of the most populous cities in America after all. But like, a different, more sinister feeling of being watched. He brushed it off.

They wandered through the shops for quite a while. Y/n and Archie had decided that they needed to see everything that the market had to offer before they picked something. Douxie was just hungry. These damn foodies he lived with were always making him wait for lunch. Just pick something. Food was food. Most of the time he could say no to Archie but there was no way he could say no to his wife, ever. He had to work on that.

One of the signs caught Y/n’s eye immediately, Fat Witch Bakery. Well, they couldn’t not check that out. Once inside, they discovered the little shop exclusively sold brownies. Good brownies at that. Douxie wasn’t found of brownies, or anything chocolate flavored, but he had a couple bites of Y/n’s. It was okay, one of the better chocolate things he’d had. Y/n scarfed the rest down.

“Mmmm, good thing we don’t live here, or I’d be a fat witch myself in no time.”

A lot of the market was decorated for Christmas already, despite it being October. The lights were pretty. Y/n was disgruntled they skipped Halloween though. Douxie had to laugh at her little pout when she complained about it. She really was the cutest thing on the planet. He couldn’t help teasing her about it, which she responded with mock anger. He gave her a quick peck to help placate her. It worked.

They came across a seafood place and suddenly Archie was done looking around. It was nice to have some fresh fish, as they were on the coast. Archie missed that about California. All this traveling inland was depriving him of his proper seafood diet. Dragons like him could only eat so many hamburgers before they got sick of it. Fresh caught fish was the best food that existed.

After finally having lunch, it was time to head over to the next sight-see. Grand Central Station. They had nowhere to be, no reason to use the station for its intended purpose. Douxie guessed this was just another thing Y/n wanted to stand in and look at. He didn’t quite get it himself, but he thought it was adorable that Y/n had so many things she wanted to see, so much of the world she wanted to touch. He wanted to take her everywhere. He was old, and had seen so many things that not much amazed him anymore, but not her, the world was still magic in her eyes. He loved seeing that twinkle in her eyes, made him feel like he was shiny and new too.

Douxie posed with Archie in front of a clock for Y/n in the station. Doux stuck out his tongue, giving her the sign of the horns while Archie stood on his shoulder, trying to look tough. She snickered as she took the shot of her boys. She took photos everywhere they went. Not of the tourist destinations, per se, but of Douxie, Archie, Nari, interacting with them. Her family, having fun. Good memories to be stored. She was slowly rebuilding her association with the word family into something positive. Every passing day, her past felt like more of a bad dream. The future may be uncertain, but at least there would be love in it.

Nari wanted to go visit Central Park again. There was a petunia in one of the gardens was a particularly good conversationalist, and Nari wanted to ask them how their day had been. The park was a great way to spend the afternoon, so of course they’d indulge the veggie lady without qualm. Y/n was looking forward to getting to explore more of the park they didn’t see last time.

As they were walking around a corner, on their way to said park. Douxie got that strange feeling once again. They were being watched. He tried not to let it show. He didn’t need Y/n to worry, and he was confident he could take care of whatever it was that was making him feel this way. He was Hisirdoux Casperan, successor of Merlin Ambrosius and currently the most powerful wizard alive. There was nothing he wouldn’t do to protect his family. If whatever was stalking them dared to show its face, he’d be ready.

There was a scruffy man on the street corner, shouting about the end of the world.

“The world’s gonna end, we’re all gonna die!”

This man wasn’t completely crazy, but it’s not like he actually knew what was going on in the world of magic. Douxie tossed him a coin.

“Not on my watch.”

[qqueenofhades]

Having just sent you a message the other day about how much I love your historical asks, I realized I have a question myself that you might know the answer to. I’m a Christian and I have never been able to figure out why Christianity has historically viewed non-procreative sex for pleasure as bad. (And none of my family, including my clergy father, have figured it out either. I think my dad has a bone to pick with Augustine? And I feel like Aquinas also has something to do with this.) But given that Jesus had a body and gives a speech about “the Son of Man came eating and drinking” as though he enjoyed it, how did this whole “the body is sinful especially the sex part” thing happen? I have been thinking about this a lot recently for Old Guard reasons, which should surprise no one.

Oof. So, a short and simple question, then. (Sidenote: did they expand ask limits? Because I’ve definitely gotten a couple asks today, including this one, that are longer than usual, rather than forced to space out and hope that Tumblr doesn’t eat them.)

The entire history of sexuality in the West and its relationship with Christianity throughout the centuries is obviously a topic that far, far exceeds anything I could possibly cram into this ask, but let’s see if I can hit on some of the highlights. First off, one could remark that some aspects of Jesus’s teaching managed to disappear from the official doctrine of Christianity almost immediately, and for a variety of theological, cultural, and social reasons. As anyone who has a passing knowledge of the late Roman Empire is aware, they were known for being sexually liberate (at least if you were a nobleman, as the freedom certainly did NOT apply to women), and the notorious run of emperors who were having orgies and sleeping with boys and their sisters and hosting nonstop sex parties did a lot to sour early Christianity’s relationship with it. Because pre-Constantine/Theodosian Code Rome was Christianity’s enemy (since Christians refused to perform the traditional civic sacrifices to the Roman gods, which was all that Rome required alongside permitting its citizens to practice whatever other religion they wanted), and because the emperors were such a high-profile example of sexual excess, that became an easy point of critique. Obviously, the Roman polemicists, like every other historian, should not be trusted on EVERYTHING they say about the emperors, but the general pattern is there and well-established. So Christianity, trying to establish its religious and moral bona fides, can easily go, “Well, Caligula/Nero obviously sucks, come join us and live a purer and more moral life!”

Constantine converted in the early fourth century and the Theodosian Code was issued at the end of the fourth century, which made Rome officially Catholic and represented a huge reversal of fortune for fledgling Christianity, helping it expand like crazy now that it was officially sanctioned. However, the Roman Empire was splitting into two halves, west and east, and the development of Greek Christianity in the eastern empire was strongly influenced by ascetic and austere traditions (if you’ve heard of the Stylites, i.e. the guys who liked to sit atop poles out in the Syrian desert to prove how holy they were, those are them). The cultural context of denial of the flesh and the renouncing of bodily pleasures also played intensely into the third/fourth/fifth century debates over heresy and orthodoxy. Some of the most vicious arguments came over whether Jesus Christ could have actually had an embodied (and therefore possibly inherently sinful) human body, or it was just a complicated illusion, the “shell” of a body that his entirely divine nature then inhabited without actually being part of. This involved huge theological arguments over the redemptive nature of the Eucharist and even Christ’s sacrifice: was it real/effective/genuine if he didn’t REALLY die and suffer the pain of being crucified, and was just assured that he’d be fine ahead of time? So yeah, the question of whether Christ had a real body (because then that might be sinful) was the knock-down, drag-out theological disagreement of the early centuries C.E., and left a lot of hard feelings and entrenched positions in its wake.

Likewise, your dad is correct in having a bone to pick with Augustine, at least in terms of his impact on views of sexuality in the late antique and early medieval Christian church. Augustine is obviously famous for agonizing endlessly over his sexuality/sexual urges in Confessions, his time as a Manichaean, his relationship with a woman and the birth of his son out of wedlock (and if you want a lot of repressed homoeroticism: well, Augustine’s got that too) and how his conversion to Christianity was intensely tied with his renunciation of himself as a sexual being. Augustine also pioneered the nature of the inheritance of Original Sin: therefore, every human who was born was sinful by virtue of sharing in humanity’s legacy from Eve’s transgression in the Garden of Eden. (And yes, obviously, this led to the beginnings of the embedding of clerical and social misogyny. Oh Augustine, I kind of hate you anyway because I had to read the entire goddamn 1000-page City of God during my master’s degree, but bro, you got a lot to answer for.) This involved EVEN MORE obscure speculations about whether original sin was passed down in male semen, and therefore Jesus was free of it because he was supposedly born divinely to a woman without a male father, but yeah, the idea that sexuality itself was already a suspect thing was fairly well correlated and then cemented by Augustine’s HUGE influence over the early church. Everything post-Augustine incorporated his ideas somehow, and so the idea of bodily pleasures as separating you from divine purpose got even more established.

Then we had the Carolingians in the eighth and ninth centuries, who were the first “empire” per se in Western Europe post-Rome, and who were also intensely concerned with legislating moral purity, policing the sexual behavior especially of its queens, and correlating moments of political or military defeat with insufficiently virtuous private behavior. The Carolingians likewise passed these ideas onto their successor kingdoms, especially the medieval kingdom of France (which would eventually become the pre-eminent secular power in Western Europe). Then the eleventh century arrived with the Cluniac and Gregorian Reforms (which were interrelated). One of their big goals was for a celibate and unmarried clergy on all levels of holy orders, from humble village priests to bishops and archbishops. Prior to this, clergymen had often been married, and there wasn’t a definite sense that it was bad. But because of this, and the idea that a married clergyman wasn’t pure enough to provide the Eucharist and would be distracted from his commitment to the church by a wife and family, the Cluniac and papal reformers intensely attacked sex and sexuality as evil. Priests didn’t (or rather, were not supposed to) do it, and if you weren’t in a heterosexual church-performed marriage and didn’t want children, you shouldn’t be doing it either. (Did this stop people, and priests, from doing it? Absolutely not, but that was the rhetoric.) This was about when celibacy began to be constructed as the top of the heap in terms of holy lifestyles, for men and women alike and laypeople as well as those in holy orders. NOT having sex was the most virtuous choice for anyone, even if sex was a necessary evil for having heirs and the next generation and so on. (Which is interesting considering that our hypersexualized present attaches so much value to having sex of one sort or another, and the asexual-exclusion types, but yeah, that’s a different topic for now.)

Of course, when the Cathars (a schismatic Catholic heresy in France and Italy) in the twelfth and thirteenth centuries began attacking ALL materiality and sexuality as irredeemably evil, the Catholic church went a bit like “whoa whoa that’s a little too far, hold on now, SOME sex is good, sex can be nice, we’re not actually like those guys” (even though they had been about a hundred years before). Because Cathar spirituality taught that any kind of attention or indulgence to the body was sinful, that included any kind of sex at all, even married heterosexual intercourse. (Of course, the Cathars themselves didn’t always live up to it either; see Beatrice de Planissoles and her Cathar priest lover.) The Catholic church obviously didn’t want to go THAT far, so they began rowing back some of their earlier blanket statements about the evilness of sexuality and taught that husband and wife both had a responsibility to offer each other sexual pleasure and fulfillment. I’ve answered many asks about sexual behavior and unions in the medieval era, the arguments over the definition of marriage, and how that changed over time in response to social needs and pressures, so yes. We know what the IDEALS were, and what people were legally supposed to do, but the fact that church writers were complaining about bad behavior, sexual and otherwise, literally the whole time means that, obviously, this did not always match up with reality.

The theories of the Roman physician Galen, which prescribed that female orgasm was necessary to conceive, were also well known and prevalent in the medieval world, which meant that ordinary married couples trying to have children would have had some awareness that female pleasure was supposedly necessary to do it. (This ties into my “it wasn’t an unrestrained extravaganza of violent painful rape for women all the time YOU GODDAMN MORONS JESUS CHRIST” rant, but we will recognize that I have Many Rants. So yes.) Obviously, we can’t know what the sex life of individual married couples behind closed doors was actually like, but there were a variety of teachings and official stances on sex and how it was supposed to be done, and as noted in other posts, just because the church thought it is zero guarantee that ordinary people thought that way too. People are people. They (usually) like having sex. They had sex, both gay and straight, married and unmarried, so on and so forth, even if the church had Opinions. Circle of life, etcetera.

Anyway, then the Renaissance arrived (and we just had the “why the Renaissance sucked for women” ask the other day), which prescribed a reversal of all the comparative sexual and political and social latitude that women had gradually acquired over the medieval era. It very much wanted to see women returned to their silent, domestic, maternal, objet d’arte roles that they had occupied in antiquity, and attacked the actions of women in their public and private lives as one of the major causes of the crises of the late medieval era. (Because you know, misogyny is always a useful scapegoat rather than blaming the powerful men who have fucked everything up, as we’re seeing again right now.) Because the Renaissance is regarded, fairly or unfairly, as the start of the early modern Western world, it’s where a lot of modern gender attitudes and views of sexuality became more explicitly codified and distributed faster than at any point in history before, to a more extensive audience, thanks to the invention of the printing press. We’ve obviously had moves toward sexual liberation and agency in the nineteenth and twentieth centuries, and the emergence of the modern feminist and gay rights movements, but now in some ways, we’re back in oddly Puritan attitudes in the twenty-first century. And since America was founded by Puritans, their social attitudes are still embedded in the culture, fanned today by hyper-conservative Protestant evangelicalism. Even though Puritans themselves ALSO, shock surprise, didn’t always live up to the stringent standards they preached.

...whoof. I’m sure I’m forgetting something, but hopefully that gives you the broad-strokes development.

[adenei]

Finding My Way To You - Ch. 13

AO3 || FFN 

The Road Home

The next day found Ron and Hermione on an adventure with the Grangers. Ron wasn’t quite sure what he was expecting of the day, but it certainly wasn’t anything he could have imagined. They’d packed a lunch, and taken a drive along the Great Ocean Road, making a pit stop in the Great Otway National Park for their picnic, enjoying the scenic nature that southern Australia had to offer. He was incredibly surprised that Hermione had suggested trying the Otway Fly Treetop Walk, given her fear of heights. She gripped his hand tightly for the majority of it as her parents congratulated Ron for helping her overcome one of her fears.

Ron and Hermione had agreed not to bring up anything about the Grangers’ future plans until the end of the day so as not to ruin the mood if things went awry. It was a good thing, too, as it was quite the drive when all was said and done. As they were driving back to Melbourne, Ron was thinking a lot about his future.

That morning he’d taken care to fill out his paperwork that Kingsley had sent, committing his availability for anytime after 20 June. Hermione had agreed on the date, and checked over his paperwork before sealing it up to send out before meeting her parents. They’d also touched base with Graham, letting him know they’d have a firm date for portkey travel within a day or two. Ron was relieved when Graham told them they were more than welcome to stay in the flat until they left. He knew the Grangers would have no doubt welcomed them into their home, but he found he quite liked the time alone he shared with Hermione.

As they were arriving back to the city, Ron felt Hermione’s hand rest on top of his as she gave it a squeeze. He could tell she looked nervous. In all honesty, he was too. They’d only been in Australia for a week, and she was already wanting to discuss returning home. Who knew how her parents would react? He hoped things would go smoothly. Ron was pulled out of his thoughts as Mr. Granger slowed down before turning into a public parking lot.

“Right on time,” Mr. Granger said as he parked the car. 

“Our dinner reservations are at this lovely restaurant just down the street. I think you’ll both really enjoy it,” Mrs. Granger added.

A short while later they were settled at their table. Hermione waited to say anything until after their orders were placed. Ron heard her clear her throat and knew that she was about to broach the subject. “So, Ron found out some big news yesterday,” she said nervously.

“Oh? What’s that?” Mr. Granger asked as Mrs. Granger looked on, giving him her full attention.

Ron gave Hermione a look out of the corner of his eye. This was definitely how he thought this was going to happen, and honestly, he was a bit annoyed that she’d pinned this on him. “Er, I received a letter from Kingsley Shacklebolt. He was in the Order with us, and is now the acting Minister of Magic.” He looked up to see them nodding in understanding. “Anyways, I’ve been invited to join the Auror training program.”

“Wow, that’s wonderful, Ron! Congratulations!” Mrs. Granger said as Mr. Granger nodded. They both seemed sincere.

“Ron’s been hoping for this since fifth year. It really is a great honor!” Hermione gushed. “They’re even shortening the training program to a year, and if he passes the academy he’ll be a junior Auror around this time next year!”

“It certainly does seem like an honorable career,” Mr. Granger said, “though I’m a bit surprised after everything you’ve been through that you’d want to go back into the field.”

Ron didn’t blame him for his hesitation. Hell, he and Hermione had even sort of discussed that last night, which resulted in him promising to be careful and that he’d always come home to her. “Well, yeah, but the work’s not over yet. There are stil de- er, bad guys out there, and I want to help catch them and bring them to justice. Even after they’re all accounted for, I still want to help make our world safer for everyone.”

He watched as Mr. Granger nodded at his words. It looked like he approved of Ron’s answer. “So when does all this start?” he asked.

“Well, I’ll, er, have to go back to England by the end of next week to be ready for a screening test with the Ministry. It needs to be done by the end of the month as training starts in July.” Ron explained.

“He had to follow through with this offer. It’s completely unheard of, but the force was significantly depleted because of the war, and they’re looking for trustworthy individuals. If Ron doesn’t seize this opportunity, then he’d have to apply and join with the following year of recruits and fulfill the three year training process,” Hermione explained.

Ron looked at Hermione. Now he knew exactly what she was doing. She was using his return as the scapegoat to bring up the conversation, and if things went sour, she could blame his need to return. He felt his ears grow hot at the realization. He knew better than to bring it up here, but that didn’t take away his displeasure.

“So you’re not going back to Hogwarts next year?” Mrs. Granger asked him.

“No. Even if I didn’t have this opportunity, I don’t think I could,” Ron admitted in a slightly hollow voice. 

“What about you, Hermione. Will you go back, then?” Her mother asked, picking up on Ron’s reluctance to talk about it and not pushing him further. He was thankful for that.

“Yes. We talked about that last night. My education is important to me, and I’d like to finish my final year now that it will be safe to return. I’m sure it will be challenging, but we’ll find a way to make it work.” Hermione offered an encouraging smile in Ron’s direction.

“So, that means you’ll need to be returning home to England soon,” Mr. Granger observed.

“Yes,” Hermione answered quickly. He was thankful she finally seemed to be taking over, as he was worried he’d be put in the middle of a conversation that was truly meant for them. “And I- well, I’m intending on returning with Ron when he goes back next week.”

Hermione’s mother gave her a sad smile. “We wouldn’t expect any less of you, dear. We figured you’d want to go back together.”

“H-have you thought anymore about whether you’ll return to England?” Hermione chanced. 

Ron watched as her parents shared a look with each other. “We have, actually,” her father said.

“As much as we love Australia, we do want to return to England. We’ll still need some time to get everything in order here, but we anticipate we’ll be able to move home in August,” Mrs. Granger added.

Ron watched as Hermione’s relief washed over her. She was instantly more relaxed, and he knew the toughest part of the conversation was over. At least that’s what he hoped.

“Hermione, I do need to ask,” her father said, “What exactly are we coming back to?” 

Ron looked at Hermione, who seemed thrown off by her father’s question. Mr. Granger must have sensed the same as he elaborated a bit more. “What of our practice? Is the house still in our possession? Sweetheart, I know you were trying to protect us, but please tell me you made arrangements for our lives back home.” 

Ron watched as Hermione took a sip of her water before answering. He remembered asking her the same questions last summer, and the only straight answer she’d given him was about the house. Seeing that she was freezing up, he attempted to jump in and rescue her.

“I think there are protective charms in place so it didn’t look completely vacant this year, so you’ll have your home to return to. Right, Hermione?” Ron looked at her and waited for her to nod before going on. “I’ll talk to my dad and brother about checking the house and completing a sweep to make sure it’s safe for you to return.”

“Why wouldn’t it be safe for us to return,” Mrs. Granger asked. 

Ron was trying to avoid mentioning things like Death Eaters and magic in public, just in case there were nosy people around, but it looked like his efforts weren’t understood. “Er, we need to be careful. I wouldn’t be surprised if they went looking for Hermione, or even you both. They probably left traces behind that we need to check for.”

He looked across the table to see Mr. Granger nod with a look of understanding on his face as he leaned over and whispered something in his wife’s ear. “We’ll write to you straight away once things are safe to return. If anything’s damaged, I’ll make sure it gets fixed up as well,” Ron added.

“Well, that’s very nice of you, Ron,” Mrs. Granger said sweetly. She turned to her daughter. “Hermione, what happened to our practice, dear?”

Hermione hesitated for a moment, no doubt thinking about what to say,  “I- you were to tell them you were going on sabbatical for one year to study the dental hygiene habits of various cultures around the world,” Hermione managed to say.

Her parents both thought over her answer. “That’s actually quite a brilliant idea you thought of,” her father told her.

“Yes, but now you’re going to return with no new knowledge!” Hermione sounded upset. “I- I really didn’t think it’d ever be safe for you to return, or that- that I’d be here right now.” She was trying to blink back the tears that were threatening to fall.

“Honey, it’s okay,” her mother said as she reached over to take her hand in reassurance. “We’ll find a way to sort this out. There’s no need to be worried or be upset.”

“Yes, if our practice is still running and we’ll have jobs to return, then you clearly did enough to ease our return,” Mr. Granger said.

 “Y-yes. They permitted you to take the year, but that was in early July so you’ll need to call them and give them an update I’m sure-”

“Well, that won’t be a problem at all. We’ll call first thing on Monday. It’ll be nice to chat with Wendy and see what’s been happening. There’s no need to worry about anything, Hermione” Mrs. Granger said happily.

“But what will happen when you come back with no research?” Hermione asked nervously.

Ron watched her parents work through that problem. “That shouldn’t be too much of an issue, actually. We aren’t working for a family practice here like we have back in England. There were openings with an emergency dental facility here, and we took up residence there. You’d be surprised how many tourists come in with cracked teeth and other mouth injuries! We’ve seen many patients from all over the world,” Mr. Granger explained.

Mrs. Granger let out a chuckle and added, “It’s almost as if you imparted some of that knowledge on what to pursue in us. I actually began taking notes on what we were seeing a few weeks after being hired, and in our downtime I’ve been researching what could have influenced the injury. It’s been quite fascinating to study.”

Ron leaned over and whispered in Hermione’s ear, “See how brilliant you are? You even managed to guide them with what to do here.”

Hermione finally allowed herself to smile as their meals arrived. Ron listened as her parents began detailing all of the barmy situations they’d witnessed as they tucked into their dinner. Things seemed like they were going to work out easier than Ron had anticipated. 

~o~

When Mr. Granger pulled up to their flat to drop them off, Ron was surprised when Hermione invited her parents inside for tea. They’d accepted, but promised they wouldn’t stay for more than a cup, as everyone was knackered from the day’s. As they let themselves into the apartment, Hermione put the water on as they sat at the table. 

Thankfully, things were picked up so he wasn’t embarrassed by clothes or other belongings lying about, but there was still parchment scattered across the table. Ron took it upon himself to stack the parchment and get it out of the way, when Mrs. Granger stopped him.

“What’s all that paper for?” she asked.

“Just for writing letters. We only sent my application back today along with a letter I wrote thanking Kingsley, but I’ll need to write Harry and my Mum to let them know when we’ll be home. Sorry for the mess,” Ron muttered.

“Oh! Do you think I could borrow one sheet? I’d love to write to your parents and thank them for everything they’ve done for Hermione. They’ve truly been so kind over the last few years,” Mrs. Granger gushed.

“Er, sure,” Ron said as he handed her one of the sheets. “I can send it out tomorrow morning with the others.”

Mrs. Granger smiled sweetly at Ron as she pulled out a pen and began writing. After Hermione passed out the mugs with the tea, she sat down in the vacant seat. They settled into easy conversation as Mr. Granger discussed all the things he missed about England and how he was excited to get back. 

“We should be able to partake in some of the later summer festivals,” he commented. “Hermione, you should take Ron to Chessington. He’d love it!” 

“What’s Chessington?” Ron asked.

“It has nothing to do with chess, if that’s what you’re thinking. It’s a theme park with rides and activities.”

“Rides?” Ron asked, clearly confused.

“Think of it like riding a broom, but instead you’re in a compartment of sorts and they run on electricity,” Hermione said with a laugh.

Ron wasn’t sure what to think about it, but he supposed he’d be interested in trying it.

“You’ll love it, I’m sure,” Mrs. Granger said as she folded her letter and addressed it to Mrs. Weasley. She handed the letter to Ron and looked at her daughter. “Will you be coming home to stay with us once we’re settled, dear? We wouldn’t want you to be an imposition at the Weasley’s once we’re home.”

“Oh, I- I don’t know. I guess that would make sense,” Hermione admitted. “Especially if you’re in training,” Hermione said with a shrug.

“Ron, you’ll be welcome to visit and stay any time as well. I think it’s about time we returned the favor after all those summers, don’t you think?” Mrs. Granger said.

“I’ll keep that in mind, thanks,” Ron said with a smile, even though his heart was sinking.

He should have seen this coming. Of course they were worried about Hermione’s parents wanting to come home, but they’d been so focused on that, that neither had thought about the repercussions of their living situation. Well, at least he had until August before he had to think about it.

“Well, I think we should get going,” Mrs. Granger said. “We’re scheduled for a shift, but we’ll be in touch after.”

“Thank you for everything today,” Ron said.

“Yes, it was lovely!” Hermione agreed as the bid goodbye to her parents. 

Once Hermione shut the door, Ron returned to the table to begin writing to Harry as she cleaned up. “I’m going to tell Harry we’re requesting a portkey for Wednesday if that’s alright,” Ron said to Hermione.

“Sure, as long as Graham can arrange that. It’ll give us another few days with my parents, at least,” Hermione agreed.

Ron didn’t answer her as he went back to his letter. He really didn’t want to pick a row, but he was still annoyed over dinner. Ron realized that he’d been gripping the quill a bit too hard when he saw his knuckles were white. He was glad he didn’t press down too hard and cause himself to poke through the parchment. Signing his letter to Harry, he set the quill down and folded it before moving on to a quick letter to his parents. 

He was vaguely aware that Hermione had moved into the bedroom as he finished his writing. Ron set the three letters in a stack on the table before pushing the chair in and checking the lock on the door. When he entered the bedroom, he walked over to grab a fresh set of clothes. 

“I’m going to have a shower,” he told Hermione, who had already gotten into bed and was looking at him with hopeful eyes.

He tried to ignore the fall of her face as he walked into the bathroom. Maybe she doesn’t realize what she did earlier, Ron thought, giving her the benefit of the doubt as he turned on the water. The hot spray of water felt good on his skin as he let the water wash over him. His thoughts continued to wander back to dinner, and how Hermione brought up the Aurors first, trying to weigh both sides of what could have possessed her to start with his job offer.

  The door opened, breaking him out of his thoughts. “Ron?” he heard Hermione call his name. “Did I do something wrong?” she asked. “You’ve been quiet since dinner. Should I not have invited my parents in for tea?” 

Ron could imagine the frown that was on her face as he shut the water off. He reached around the curtain for his towel before answering. The curtain remained closed. 

“No, it wasn’t tea,” he told her as he dried himself off.

“Then what is it?” she asked.

“Why did you bring up the Aurors with your parents?” he asked her as he wrapped the towel around himself and pulled the curtain back.

“I- I wanted to tell them. I thought we agreed to tell them. It’s such an honor, I thought you’d want to share the news and celebrate,” she said, a look of confusion on her face.

“Sure, but the way it sounded was that you were using it as a lead in for discussing our return to England and asking them about their plans,” Ron told her.

She furrowed her brow as she looked at him. “I didn’t-”

“Save it, Hermione. Luckily it went over alright and everything worked out, but if it hadn’t, I would have been the bad guy because I need to return to England for an appointment.”

Hermione was shaking her head. “I- I didn’t think about it that way, honest. I just thought it would be the easiest way to start the conversation.”

“So you did deliberately start it that way,” Ron said. Ron wanted to move around her, or at least get dressed, but she was blocking the door of the small bathroom.

“I-”

“Next time you’re planning that, maybe tell me first next time. I know you’re trying to rebuild your relationship with your parents, but as your boyfriend, I also have a relationship to maintain with them, too, and I don’t appreciate what you did.”

 “I-I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking about that,” she apologized to him.

Ron took a deep breath, “Well, remember we’re a pair now, yeah?”

“I know. I guess I’m just not used to it yet…” she said quietly as she looked up at him through her lashes.

As if a switch was flipped, the animosity he’d been feeling all evening had suddenly vanished. There was no way he could stay mad at her, especially when she was standing there in one of his tees, and looking at him with those sad eyes. It was as if his mind and his body had suddenly remembered that it’d been all day since he’d held her and kissed her. 

He was overcome with need as he reached out and pulled her close to him, his lips crashing into hers. Her hands were cold against his body, but he didn’t care, as his own reached for the hem of her shirt and pulled it up over her head. They made their way clumsily to the bed, shedding her clothes and his towel, before picking up where they left off that morning.

A short time later, they were cuddling in bed, both thoroughly satisfied now that the misunderstanding had been cleared up. “How do you feel about me moving back in with my parents in August?” Hermione asked.

“Not great,” Ron answered honestly, “but I get it.”

“I feel like I’ll need to, but it’ll be rather odd after being away for so long,” she thought out loud.

“What if you split your time? And I could split mine? So we could at least see each other as much as possible,” Ron offered. He had no idea what his training schedule would look like, but he wanted to make it clear that she would still be a priority for him.

“That could work...but do you think they’d actually let us sleep in the same bed?” Hermione mentioned.

“Well, I think maybe Mum’ll come around when we’re back, and your parents are already aware that we’re sharing a bed here, so…”

“That’s true,” Hermione agreed. “And we are adults, technically..”

“Exactly. Who knows, maybe Harry is planning on fixing up Grimmauld Place after all, and if I move in with him, we wouldn’t have to worry about Mum.”

“Do you think he’s going to?”

“He’s mentioned it a couple times. I don’t think he wants to be an imposition to Mum anymore either, even though he’s not,” Ron told her.

“Well, I wouldn’t mind that plan if he does,” Hermione said as she leaned up to kiss him. “Things have a funny way of working themselves out, so maybe we shouldn’t worry so much about it.”

Ron laughed. Truer words had certainly never been spoken. Ron held her close as he let the exhaustion from the day wash over and lull him to sleep. He felt more confident and secure in their relationship with every passing day. Even though there were so many unknowns of what the future would hold, especially with the coming year, Ron knew that somehow they’d make it through. There was one thing he knew for sure: no matter what life would throw at him, he’d be able to overcome anything as long as he had her by his side.

[jammatown919]

Estranged (Brainia)

Content: Maeve's birthday rolls around and brings up some painful memories for Nia.

Nia had managed to get through half her day without realizing. She'd gone through her entire morning routine, arrived at work, and made some good progress on her latest article, all while being blissfully unaware of what day it was. She was forgetful like that; it was why she set alarms for everything. The alarm she'd set for this particular occasion went off right at the start of her lunch break. Upon hearing the buzz, Nia's first thought was that Brainy was trying to call her. Perfectly normal. Instead, the words "Call Maeve" greeted her as she retrieved her phone from her purse. It was her sister's birthday. Her newly estranged sister's birthday.

Hastily, Nia silenced the alarm and moved to shove her phone back into her bag, but something stopped her. She really did want to call Maeve and pretend things were normal, but they weren't. Not a single word had been exchanged between them since their mother's memorial service; since Maeve had declared that Nia was not a real woman.

She understood why Maeve was upset; the powers she'd trained her whole life to receive had chosen Nia instead, and then Nia had lied about it. What she didn't understand was why Maeve used her anger as an excuse to invalid her sister's identity. To revoke the support that had been so vital during Nia's transition. Nia shook her head and stowed her phone away. It didn't matter why. What mattered was that Nia wasn't going to call the sister who had responded to an attempt to spare her feelings with downright cruelty. No matter how much she wanted to repair their relationship, it was not Nia's job to seek out an apology from Maeve. It was either coming or it wasn't, and considering how much time had passed, it probably wasn't.

For the rest of her work day, Nia tried in vain to get her mind off of her sister. Her concentration was pretty screwed at this point, so progress on her article had all but stopped. No matter what she tried, her thoughts always managed to circle back around to Maeve. To how they were probably never going to fix their relationship if neither of them took initiative. But you shouldn't have to, she told herself over and over, it's her responsibility to make it right.

Needless to say, Nia got absolutely nothing done between the alarm going off and the end of the day.

By the time she got home, she was considering a nap so she wouldn't have to think about anything for a while. She had a couple of hours before Brainy was due to be home. With any luck, she'd feel better afterwards and be able to make up what she hadn't been able to accomplish at work before bed.

Upon opening the door, however, Nia was surprised to find that Brainy was already home. Perhaps it was one of the DEO's rare slow days. She knew Alex would sometimes send him home early in order to give him in the breaks he never gave himself. Of course, he was still on call, but it was better than nothing.

"Nia Nal," Brainy, perched neatly on the couch, smiled over his shoulder at her. "How was work?"

"Are you watching Dateline?" Nia asked instead of answering his question. She'd suggested it to him weeks ago, but things had been busy at the DEO and he hadn't had the time nor the focus to watch much tv.

"Ah," Brainy glanced back the screen. "Yes. As per your recommendation. I find it quite frustrating."

"Really?" Nia inquired as she walked around the couch to take a seat beside him. Perhaps some quality time with her boyfriend was just what she needed to cheer up.

"I was able to identify the culprit quite early on." Brainy replied, casually slipping an arm around her. She leaned into him, resting her head on his shoulder. "It wasn't difficult, and yet these detectives haven't a clue." He gave a little huff of annoyance, and Nia chuckled at him. God, he was cute.

"It wouldn't be a mystery if everyone caught on right away." She pointed out, only slightly teasingly. "We can't all be twelfth-level intellects."

"But the evidence is all there." Brainy protested. "How can anyone not see that it was his wife?"

"Spoilers!" Nia lightly thumped his arm and he fell silent with a small sigh.

For a few minutes, Nia thought that the show might be able to distract her, but that hope was quickly dashed. She couldn't focus on the unfolding mystery - although Brainy had been right in saying that the culprit was incredibly obvious - when her sister was still lurking in the back of her mind. Fortunately, however, she'd been both blessed and cursed with the ability to fall asleep anywhere, and she was already kind of tired. She'd nap to get her mind off everything, and hopefully she'd feel better once she woke up.

Falling asleep took no more than five minutes. Snuggled up against Brainy, it was easy to let herself drift into the dreamscape.

It presented itself in a way with which she was not familiar. All around her, there was nothing but dark, empty space. It seemed to be open, but Nia felt as if there were invisible walls on every side of her, closing her in, preventing her from leaving this one spot.

"Hello?" She called out, listening to her voice echo. No answer came.

All in all, not the worst dream she could've found herself in, though it did kind of defeat the purpose. She'd gone to sleep so she wouldn't have to think about anything, and now here she was, alone with her thoughts. Maybe this was the dreamscape's way of telling her that she needed to deal with this rather than just ignoring the problem.

But what was there to deal with? She still wasn't going to swallow her pride for Maeve's sake. Not this time.

You weren't supposed to get the powers.

What the hell? The dreamscape had never spoken to her directly; certainly not to tell her something like that.

"What?" She asked, not entirely sure that she'd heard correctly.  

When are you going to stop playing hero?

Was that... Maeve?

"What are you talking about?" Nia called.

Why couldn't you save Mom?

Nia froze. That was definitely her sister's voice.

"Maeve?" She asked tentatively. "What's going on?"

Why couldn't you save her?!

The scream startled Nia back into the real world. She jolted upright, eyes wide and heart racing.

"Nia?" Instantly, Brainy's hand found her shoulder, squeezing gently.

"I'm fine." She muttered. "It was just a dream."

He gave her a look, and she realized how odd that must sound coming from her.

"A normal dream." She corrected. "It's fine."

"Regardless, it seems to have caused you distress." Brainy observed, his voice soft. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"We don't have to."

"I know that we don't have to." Brainy replied, removing his hand from her shoulder. "I asked if you want to."

Nia let out a sigh. She didn't particularly want to get into it, but maybe this was how she was supposed to deal with it. Going to Maeve to directly was out of the question, so talking about it with someone else would be the next best thing.

"It was about my sister." She said vaguely.

"You don't talk about her much." Brainy remarked. "I assume there's a reason for that?"

"Yeah," Nia replied. "I told you about how my powers were passed down from my mother. All our lives, everybody assumed that Maeve would get them because my mom had a dream when she was pregnant with Maeve that her daughter would inherit the powers."

"But your mother had two daughters. Once you came out, did nobody think that perhaps you would be the next Dreamer?"

"We'd already spent so long thinking it would be Maeve. Even I didn't consider that it could be me. I didn't even want it to be me." Nia looked down at her hands, recalling the feeling of fulfillment she got from using her powers. They were so much a part of her now that she could hardly believe that she'd spent so long trying to get rid of them. "Maeve didn't want it to be me either."

"She didn't react well?"

"No, she didn't." Nia's voice cracked, and she took a moment to compose herself so she wouldn't start crying. "She told me I shouldn't have gotten them because I'm 'not even a real woman'."

"She said that to you?" Brainy straightened, his voice as angry as it was disbelieving. Nia gave him a little nod.

"We haven't talked since." She sniffled, her voice growing thick with emotion as her eyes grew wet with tears. "Today's her birthday, and usually I'd call her and we'd catch up, but I can't just call her like everything's normal. A-and it hurts, y'know? We've always been so close, and I hate not being able to talk to her."

"I'm sorry." Brainy said softly. Slowly, gently, he wrapped his arms around her.

"It's not your fault." Nia mumbled, leaning into his chest.

"I know, but you're in pain," He said. "And for that, I am sorry."

"It'll be okay eventually." This was the thought that Nia was choosing to cling to. At some point, one occasion or another would force her and Maeve into the same room, and once they were together, they'd work it out. They had to. She couldn't for a second allow herself to believe that she was going to be permanently at odds with someone who had been her best friend for so long. "Doesn't make it any easier, though."

"Is there anything that I can do to help?"

"You're already helping."

He tightened his hold on her slightly, and she relaxed against him, sighing as he began running his fingers through her hair. Despite her fractured relationship with Maeve still weighing heavily in her mind, being here, tucked safely against Brainy's chest, made Nia feel like things were okay. And they would be. She wasn't sure how or when, but someday, things would be okay again.

[ourloveisforthelovely]

To the Ends of the Earth 7

Supernatural 

Warnings: OOC Gabriel 

Story Summary:  AU Supernatural. Gabriel is tired of Micahel and Raphael’s constant interfering and dictating what's best for him. Little do they know that he’s been sneaking to earth to fall in love with you. When he convinces you to run away with him, all hell is about to break loose.

Pairings: Gabriel x Reader

_______

You woke up the next morning to Gabriel not being in bed beside you. With a yawn, you got out of bed and headed down the hallway. Sam stood in the kitchen cooking while Dean was in front of his TV. 

“Morning.”

You said sleepily. Dean gave you his usual “its early don’t talk to me” wave. You didn’t expect anything more from your oldest brother until he had about two cups of coffee. Sam, meanwhile, turned in your direction. 

“Hey. Want some pancakes?”

You nodded. At least Sam was able to cook pancakes. Dean’s were usually either too burnt or too gooey in the middle. No one wanted to touch Dean’s pancakes! 

“If you are the one cooking them then yes.” 

Dean made an “mhm” sound from his chair.

“I see how it is.” 

Dean muttered before going back to his block of Scooby-Doo. Sam rolled his eyes then looked back to you.

“Yes, I am the cook today.”

You gave him a thumbs up before looking around the room. It was really odd that there was no Gabriel around. Usually, by now, he would have wrapped himself around you like a giant cat. 

“Sam, have you seen Gabriel?”

Sam nodded, not bothering to turn to look at you. 

“Yeah, he said that he had something to deal with. He should be back soon. Speaking of which, Dean and I have a small hunt in the next town over. After breakfast, we are heading out. Keep an eye on Jack for us.” 

You groaned. As much as you like Jack, you were sick of being the one to babysit people around the bunker or do all of the research. It had been ages since you had been on an actual hunt! You didn’t consider rescuing Dean from the angel back at that hotel a real hunt. 

“What do I look like? Some kind of den mother?”

You mumbled, choosing to ignore Sam’s scowl. The last thing that you really wanted to do at the moment was to argue with either of your brothers. That didn’t sound the least bit appealing! 

Walking into the dining room, Jack sat at the table looking at a small picture. He quickly put the photo away as you sat down. Raising an eyebrow, you chose to look down at the pancakes that Sam put in front of you. 

“Here you go grumpy.”

Sam said with a smirk before turning to meet Dean at the steps. 

“Okay you two...we will be back soon. No parties or anything too wild.” 

Both Sam and Dean smiled at the matching frowns that Jack and yourself had. 

“Yeah, whatever.”

You grumbled as they walked up the steps to leave. Jack sighed from his place at the table. 

“Are we always left out of everything?”

You nodded. 

“Here lately.” 

The two of you sat in remote silence for a few moments. You were quickly becoming more and more irritable by the moment. Gabriel usually told you when he was going to be away. Today he didn’t. Now Sam and Dean were back to sideline you. You felt like Sam did when Dean “put him back at the kid’s table” to go hunting with Ketch. 

“Not to be nosy but who is Ketch?”

You looked up at Jack’s question. Jack was clearly not meaning to read your mind. He looked almost embarrassed at even asking the question at hand.

“Some British bonbon that my older brother wants to be pals with.” 

“Bonbon?”

Jack questioned. You smirked. The last thing that you really wanted to think about was Arthur Ketch and his weird fascination with you. The guy definitely needed some hobbies or to go to a strip club. He just needed something to get his mind off of you. 

“He used to be a part of the British Men of Letters. Arthur Ketch was a big thorn in our side for a bit but now we are pals...apparently.”

Jack tilted his head. 

“And he likes you?”

 “Unfortunately. Gabriel is about to crush his dreams though. I can only hope that I can be around with my camera when the two of them meet for the first time. It's going to be glorious.” 

Jack smiled. 

“I don’t see Gabriel being too pleased with another man having feelings for you. Gabriel seems a bit...intense over you.” 

You nodded. 

“It’s the soulmate thing. So, what were you looking at earlier that you hid when I sat down?”

Jack went scarlet. He looked down at his lap timidly before meeting your questioning face.

“It was a photo of my mother.” 

You expression softened as Jack spoke quietly. 

“I’ve never met her but I miss her so much. It's the only photo that I have. I think that it makes Dean uncomfortable.” 

“Damn it, Dean” 

You thought angrily. In the time that you had known Jack, he had never once talked about his mother and now that was making sense. 

“Screw what Dean feels. How do you feel?”

Jack looked thoughtful for a moment. 

“Sad. I feel sad because I know that my being born killed her. I feel lonely because I will never truly meet her. She was a beautiful kind person and didn’t deserve the things that happened to her...I miss her so much and I never really met her.” 

Jack looked down at his lap so you wouldn’t see the stray tear that was threatening to spill from his eye. 

“Jack...I’m sorry. Sometimes bad things happen to good people but good can always come out of anything. You’re right, your mother didn’t deserve to die but you are a great person. I know that we really haven’t spoken much but I really like you. I can tell you right now that you are not a thing like your father. If it makes you feel better….I know how you feel. I lost my mother too.”

Jack’s head snapped up.

“You did?”

You nodded with a sigh. 

“I did. I feel guilty over it too. Hold on. I’ll be right back.”

Jack watched as you took off down the hall and disappeared into your room. After a few moments, you slowly walked back into the room with a framed photo in your arms. Sitting down, you slid the picture across the table to Jack.

“This is my mother. Her name was Kate. This is my twin, Adam. They were both killed by ghouls. I blame myself for their deaths. Gabriel said that they fulfilled their purpose and I should let it go. I think Sam and Dean feel the same way but I can’t stop thinking that. I know how you feel, Jack.” 

Jack sat silently looking at the photo. He could see the resemblance between Adam, Dean, and yourself. Kate and Adam looked so cheerful in the photo ....so full of promise. They reminded Jack of his own mother’s photo. 

He slowly took the photo of Kelly from his lap and slid it across the table to you. 

“My mother was beautiful too. I know what Sam, Dean, and Gabriel tell you but it isn’t right. You’re entitled to your feelings. I could sit here and tell you all day that it wasn’t your fault but that doesn’t change your thinking. I’m glad that you understand how I’m feeling. I’ve felt alone...for a long time.” 

“You’re not now.” 

You said softly before getting up to put your untouched pancakes on the counter. All of a sudden, you weren't so hungry. Jack and yourself stood in a brief silence. The two of you were clearly thinking about your dread mothers. 

“Jack, do you know where your mother is buried?”

Jack looked back up with a sad nod.

“Dean told me. Why?”

You were thoughtful for just a moment. 

“Get your jacket. We’re going. We need to put some flowers on her grave or something.” 

Jack quickly stood and pulled on his jacket that was on the back of his chair. 

“I don’t think that Sam and Dean wants us to leave the bunker. What if Gabriel comes back and can’t find you?”

You scoffed. 

“Screw Sam and Dean. I’m an adult too. They aren’t my father. I don’t even know where Gabriel is. I’ll leave him a note or something.” 

  Half an hour later, you stood beside Jack in a small cemetery. Jack had placed a small bouquet of roses on the grave in front of him. He stood in silence looking at his mother’s tombstone with sad eyes. 

You reached down taking his hand in yours and laid your head on his shoulder. 

“You can talk to her you know.” 

Jack looked even sadder. 

“She won’t hear me.” 

You cleared your throat, fighting your own tears. Hell, you didn’t even know the woman and you were wanting to cry for her.

“Jack, I tend to believe the dead hear a lot more than they are given credit for. I think she can hear you. She may not respond the way that you want...but she can hear you.” 

You slowly let go of Jack’s hand. 

“I’ll go wait by the car. Take as much time as you need.” 

Walking back to the car, you kept an eye on Jack’s form. You felt relieved when you saw his mouth moving. 

You didn’t tell Jack but you had done the same thing at your mother’s grave many times. It made you feel better in the moment but the grief always returned. You knew that you should have told  Jack that nothing would ever make the pain go away but now didn’t seem the time. 

Arriving back at the bunker, Sam and Dean jumped up when you walked in with Jack. Dean looked like he was about to call 911 or some emergency 800 number. 

“Where have you two been?”

Dean questioned immediately. You waved your hand. 

“We went out. Everything is fine. Is Gabriel back yet?” 

Dean rolled his eyes. 

“Your boy toy hasn’t shown back up yet. Don’t worry he isn’t a child. I think with him being millions of years old he will be able to find his way back to you. Unless he gets distracted and forgets what you look like or something...in which case I would totally be okay.”

You felt your mouth drop. Dean was still pissy over your relationship with Gabriel. So much for actually being happy that you found love. 

“Shut up, Dean.”

You growled. Jack patted your back.

“She took me to my mother’s grave so I could have some closure.” 

Both Sam and Dean froze. Sam looked down at his feet before nodding. 

“That was very nice. Are you okay, Jack?”

Jack nodded sadly. 

“Yes, I think that I am going to go have some alone time.” 

Jack walked out of the room before leaving you alone with your two older brothers. You waited until they were out of the room before rounding on Dean. 

“Are you happy? I took him to his mother’s grave because he is so sad about her! He was looking at her photo this morning and felt like he had to hide it.” 

“He doesn't have to do that.”

Dean snapped. You laughed bitterly.

“Really Dean? He sure feels like he has to because of you! He feels just like I do! I can never talk about my mom because you seem to think that I should just put it behind me. It isn’t fair for Jack! Shame on you for making him feel that way!” 

Before Dean could respond a voice cut in. 

“Excuse me?” 

You groaned. 

“Oh god, please tell me that isn’t Arthur Ketch.”

Sam nodded. Ketch looked at you with a displeased scowl. He was still trying to figure out just why you had to be so difficult to conquer. 

“It was.” 

You groaned. 

“Ketch, don’t you know how to knock?”

This was that last thing that you wanted to deal with! Between worrying about where the hell your archangel had vanished off to and the events of the day with Jack; Ketch didn’t fit in. 

“Good to see you too, my dear. I didn’t come to pay a friendly visit. I found something that apparently belongs to you.” 

You spun around freezing the moment that you saw Ketch practically holding Gabriel up. Gabriel looked completely trashed to hell! 

“What the fuck did you do to him?!”

You shrieked before running over. Ketch slowly sat Gabriel down at the table. You knelt down in front of your angel and attempted to touch his face but he flinched away. Ketch sighed. 

“It wasn’t me if that is what you are asking. I was on a hunt when I ran into him dealing with his older brothers who for lack of a better term ganged upon him. It's lucky that you weren’t there, Y/n. I have a feeling that you wouldn’t be living.” 

You put a hand over your mouth. Fucking Michael and Raphael! Of course, they were behind this! 

The better question was, what was Gabriel thinking trying to face both of his brothers alone? It was no wonder that he didn’t tell you where he was going. Now, look at him!  Your heart broke at the vacant expression in his eyes and how he flinched every time that you touched him. It was almost as if he had no idea who you were. 

You were no longer listening to the conversation with Ketch and Dean. Every fiber of your being was breaking into a million glass shards! 

“Gabriel, please.”

You whispered softly as Sam walked over. 

“Y/n, let’s try to get Gabriel in your room. We can figure out what’s going on and maybe see how to fix him.” 

You quickly stood up as Gabriel’s eyes slowly looked in your direction. Swallowing, you tried to ignore that feeling in your mind that said his eyes seemed...dead. 

Sam took a breath before reaching out and pulling the archangel up. Gabriel tried to yank away from Sam as the youngest Winchester guided him to the door. You started after the two but stopped before turning back to Ketch. 

“What happened, Arthur?”

Ketch shrugged. 

“It looks like Gabriel’s brothers wiped his memory and drained him of his grace.”

You groaned and put a hand to your temples.

“Thanks Ketch.” 

You decided to not stay in the room and witness the rest of the conversation between Dean and Ketch. Gabriel needed you now. 

Walking into your bedroom, Sam stood with his arms over his chest while Gabriel sat on the other side of your bed on the floor. All that you could see of him was his now extremely messy hair. 

“What is he doing?” 

You asked. Sam sighed. 

“Hiding from me. I’m going to leave you at it. If you need anything, you know where to find me.”

You waited until Sam was out of the room before slowly walking across the room. Gabriel sat with his knees drawn up to his chest. You swallowed before kneeling down in front of him. 

“Gabriel, I don’t know what Michael and Raphael did to you but I’m going to figure it out then I am going to kill the ever-loving shit out of them.”

As you stood up, Gabriel reached out and grabbed ahold of your hand. His eyes still looked dead but he didn’t immediately let you go. Fighting back a sob, you slowly knelt down beside him. 

“Do you know me?”

Gabriel made no move to respond or even look in your direction. You sighed and gently stroked your hand over his. 

“I’m something special to you...at least I hope that I still am. Gabriel, what were you thinking of going after the two of them alone?”

The two of you sat in silence. You leaned your head back against your bed. It would be great if life would stop screwing you for the moment! For once in your life, you found someone that you could actually love romantically. There was no way in hell that you would let Michael and Raphael take Gabriel away from you now! 

______ @knight-of-gleefulness

@brokencasbutt67-writer

@tas898

@supernaturalways

@authoressskr

@shaylybaby2032

@wontlookaway

@stuckinsaudi1

@untoldshortsofthefandoms @sprnaturallover

@summer-novak

@mycuddlycorner @shitfaceddaniel

@deanwherescas

@shadows-and-padlocked-hearts

@emiwrites3reads

@fandom-trash-worth-it

@hankypranky

@li0nh34rt

[noona-clock]

Untitled - Part 9

Genre: AU/Fluff

Pairing: Junmyeon x You (Female!Reader)

Warnings: None

Part 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10  |  Word Count: 3,003

Trish and Jongdae had decided to get married fairly quickly. Not for any particular reason but just because they didn’t feel like waiting.

And that was totally fine with you.

You would much rather focus on fulfilling your duties as maid of honor than focus on when or if Junmeyon would propose. There was absolutely no evidence that he was going to ask you to marry him anytime soon, so why even worry about it?

Besides. If you really wanted to get married in the very near future, you could always ask him.

But, like I said, there was no need to think about it right now. You had a wedding vlog to film! And a bridal shower to plan! And a bachelorette weekend to attend! And a dress to find and buy and get altered!

Since Junmyeon was Jongdae’s best man, he was busy with his own duties, as well. And on top of that, he was still traveling and uploading to Instagram and YouTube like he normally did.

Suffice it to say, what little time the two of you did have together was spent working on the wedding vlog.

In about five months, you and Junmyeon had vlogged picking out Trish’s dress, visiting a few venues, the cake tasting, the bridal shower, both the bachelor and bachelorette parties and finally, the rehearsal dinner.

Each of you had also sat down to film a confessional segment, talking to the camera about your relationship with the bride and groom. You had also filmed one together because the two of you wouldn’t be together if it weren’t for them.

The night before the wedding, Junmyeon stayed up until almost two in the morning adding the rehearsal dinner footage and putting on the finishing touches. You tried to stay awake to help him and keep him motivated, but you (pretty typically) fell asleep just after midnight.

Since you were due to be at the venue fairly early, you woke up and got ready before Junmyeon. You tried to be as quiet as possible to let him sleep for as long as he could, but you also couldn’t resist sitting on the edge of your bed and leaning over to press a goodbye kiss to his forehead.

Junmyeon let out a soft groan, stirring slightly as his eyes fluttered open. “Y’leavin’?” he asked sleepily.

“Yeah,” you whispered. “I’ll see you there in a few hours.”

“’Kay,” he sighed. He pursed his lips for a kiss, and you happily obliged.

“You uploaded the video and everything? It’s all good to go?”

Junmyeon nodded, humming positively in response to your question, and your lips curved into a grin as you bent down to kiss his forehead once more.

“All right, I’ll see you later,” you whispered.

Junmyeon’s smile was sleepy but radiant, your heart fluttering and skipping a few beats at the sight of it. “I love you,” he murmured. “I can’t wait to walk down the aisle with you.”

While you knew he meant to walk down the aisle as best man and maid of honor, you wondered if-- actually, you were quite certain -- he was also referring to walking down the aisle... at your own wedding.

Whenever that may be.

Again, you weren’t worrying about that right now.

“I love you, too,” you replied. “Text me when you get there.”

“Am I supposed to see you before the ceremony?” he asked curiously.

A quick laugh bubbled up in your throat, and you rolled your eyes at his innocent question. “That’s only for the bride and groom,” you pointed out with amusement.

“But we’ll be getting married one day, too,” he replied with a gently furrowed brow.

“Oh, we will?” you asked teasingly. You held up your bare left hand and tilted your head. “I don’t see any evidence of that.”

A very soft, almost unnoticeable flush overtook Junmyeon’s cheeks, and he moved one hand to pat your thigh. “All right, get going. I’ll text you when I get there.”

You chuckled lightly before pushing yourself off the bed and heading for the stairs. You grabbed your dress which had been hanging in a garment bag on your coat rack, and with one final call of ‘I love you!’ you exited through the door.

The rest of the morning went by in a blur. You spent most of it with Trish in the bridal suite getting your hair and makeup done (and also reminiscing and trying not to cry), but when Junmeyon’s arrival message came through on your phone, you hurried out to meet him.

You were already dressed and ready by this point, and when you spotted your boyfriend in the lobby, a smile immediately curved on your dark purple lips.

Junmyeon, who had been heading toward the groom’s suite with his suit draped over his arm, froze when he saw you.

“Hey,” you greeted, beaming at him as you approached.

“Wow,” he breathed. He opened his arms to accept your hug, though he embraced you carefully and delicately. “You look... amazing.”

“Thanks,” you blushed. “I bet you will, too, in that suit.”

Junmyeon simply lifted a hand to cradle your cheek, though he just barely touched you so he wouldn’t disturb your makeup. He gazed at you, his eyes searching your face as a soft smile pulled at his lips.

“What?” you whispered.

“I just... I feel like it’s our first date all over again,” he admitted with a bashful chuckle.

“What do you mean?”

“You’re making me nervous.”

“Why am I making you nervous?” you giggled, standing on your toes and rubbing the tip of your nose lightly against his.

“Because you’re so beautiful,” he said softly, his voice filled with a sense of awe and wonder. “But it might be even worse now because I know you’re just as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside.”

“Oh, come on,” you blushed. “You know how dorky I am.”

“Exactly. That’s exactly what I’m talking about.”

A soft chuckle escaped your lips, and you couldn’t hold back from kissing him any longer. You quickly pecked his lips, pulling away to make sure your lipstick hadn’t ended up on him.

“I love you,” you told him before kissing him again, letting your lips linger a bit this time.

“And I am so grateful you do,” he murmured back. “I love you more than I ever thought --”

“Come on, Lovebirds!” Jongdae called out from the doorway of the groom’s suite. “It’s not your wedding day!”

Junmyeon’s cheeks flushed, and his typical embarrassed smile spread across his lips. “Yeah, yeah, I’m coming,” he replied to his friend.

“Go put your suit on,” you whispered before stepping away just a tad. “Don’t outshine the groom, though. Try not to look better than him.”

“That’s going to be tough,” Junmyeon replied with a furrowed brow and a frown.

“I know, but you have to try.”

Junmyeon took hold of one of your hands, bringing it up to his lips and saying in quite the dramatic tone, “I will do anything you request of me, my lady.”

“Junmyeon!” Jongdae whined, and you reached out to gently push your boyfriend away.

You returned back to Trish’s bridal suite, and apparently, the look on your face was too obvious to ignore because Trish immediately began teasing you.

And you let her just this once because it was her wedding day. What are friends for?

When the time finally came for the bridal party to make their way out to the ceremony, your heart began to race. You grabbed your bouquet and let out a deep sigh as you turned to face Trish.

“How nervous are you?” you asked in a shaky voice.

A smirk appeared on Trish’s red lips, and she lifted her shoulders into a shrug. “I’m not.”

“What?! I’m nervous! How are you not?!”

“Because I’m just happy!” she chuckled. “I’m about to marry the man of my dreams. But I’m sure on your wedding day, I’ll be nervous.”

“You have got to stop,” you laughed, shaking your head. “I give you full permission to bug me about a wedding after today.”

“Okay, okay,” Trish relented. You held out her own bouquet, and she took it gingerly before picking up one side of her dress and following you out of the room.

Since Jongdae was already waiting at the end of the aisle, only his groomsmen were there to greet the bridal party.

And when you saw Junmyeon...

You suddenly related to the way he reacted to you earlier this morning.

You froze, your eyes widening and your mouth opening to form a small ‘oh.’

Because damn.

Wow.

Wowowowowowowowowow. Wow.

“I clean up nice, huh?” he murmured once you got close enough.

“I told you not to outshine the groom!” you hissed, looking very distressed. And he most definitely did! He looked more handsome than anyone you’d ever seen before!

Junmyeon simply beamed, looking very pleased with your comment.

You honestly had to gather yourself before the two of you slowly strolled down the aisle behind the other bridesmaids and groomsmen, and you also had to stop yourself from letting out a whine of despair when you had to separate at the end of it.

All throughout the ceremony, you kept leaning over just a tad and making eye contact with Junmyeon. You paid attention to what was happening, of course, and your eyes filled with tears as Trish and Jongdae were saying their vows.

You let out a very watery cheer when they kissed, and before you knew it, you met up with Junmyeon to walk back down the aisle and get started on taking pictures.

But now that the ceremony was over, your nerves transferred from that to the reception. 

Namely the toast.

Junmyeon tried to ease your worries as the bridal party took all sorts of pictures in various locations around the venue, but you knew you wouldn’t be able to truly relax until after the video toast had ended.

Thankfully, once the whole bridal party had joined the other guests in the reception hall and got settled, Junmyeon took action and tapped his fork against his champagne glass.

You stood with him, reaching for his free hand and grasping his fingers for dear life.

“Ladies and gentlemen, if I could have your attention for just a few minutes,” he called out. And when the room had gone silent, he continued. “My name is Junmyeon, I’m the best man, and this is Y/N, the maid of honor. In lieu of giving our own separate toasts, we decided to do something a bit different. Trish and Jongdae mean so much to us, and we knew we wouldn’t be able to express that simply using words. So, if you’ll direct your attention to that screen over there...”

He nodded to the DJ, and the lights dimmed before the video began.

Your face popped up on the screen, and you almost covered your eyes because you were so embarrassed. But the delightful, uplifting music Junmyeon had added in the background made you smile instead.

You watched as you and Trish picked out her dress, as the four of you toured a venue, as Trish and Jongdae tasted some cake. And then Junmyeon came up on the screen and started talking about how he’d met Jongdae. He inserted some old pictures of them together, eliciting some laughs from the guests.

His face reappeared, and you noticed his cheeks had turned a bit pink as he smiled. “Jongdae also introduced me to my girlfriend, so... I definitely owe you big for that one, buddy.”

You squeezed Junmyeon’s hand as the guests responded with a collective “awwwwwww,” and you felt some eyes turn toward the two of you.

It was your segment next, so you hid half of your face behind Junmyeon’s shoulder since you knew you were going to start crying as you spoke. You’d filmed this part over and over and over again, but you’d eventually had to just accept the fact that you were going to cry. Trish just meant that much to you.

And, guess what? You cried again as you listened to yourself.

Junmyeon turned and placed a kiss on your wet cheek before reaching up to wipe away as many tears as he could while the video continued on in the background.

You heard both of your voices, then, and you knew the video was almost over. Junmyeon had added in the footage of both of you talking about Trish and Jongdae near the end, so in just a couple of minutes, you would be able to breathe easy.

When the ending music faded and the lights came back on, the whole room erupted in applause and cheers. Junmyeon held up his glass and called out, “To Trish and Jongdae!”

You lifted your own glass, clinking it with his and taking a sip of your champagne.

And now you could relax and actually enjoy yourself.

If you hadn’t already known before, seeing Junmyeon at Trish and Jongdae’s wedding would’ve made you realize that you needed to see him at your own wedding, too. As the groom.

But you had already known it before, so it’s not like you had experienced some huge aha moment or anything.

The fact that you wanted to marry him just became more cemented in your brain, if anything.

But the two of you had just spent quite a few months dealing with all sorts of wedding stuff, so it felt like you would be going overboard if you brought anything else up to Junmyeon. You could imagine him saying, “I’ve had enough of weddings for a while, let’s wait and get engaged later.”

So, you pushed back all of your marital thoughts, letting them simmer on the back burner for the time being.

Junmyeon didn’t bring anything up either, so you simply assumed he was on the same wavelength. Truly, you weren’t expecting a proposal from him anytime soon.

But then. One afternoon just a couple of weeks after the wedding... You received this text message:

Your brow furrowed in confusion... but you still grabbed your purse and headed out to the nearest subway station.

You caught the next train downtown, getting off at the museum stop and looking around when you arrived at the entrance. You didn’t see anyone you knew, including Junmyeon, so you simply went inside.

The two of you had purchased membership passes not too long ago, so you simply showed your card to the attendant and headed to the first exhibit.

You walked quickly through, examining each painting briefly as you tried to find the one in the picture. It wasn’t one you recognized instantly, so you weren’t even sure where it might be.

After about ten minutes of looking, you finally stumbled upon the piece. But before you could even look at the plaque next to it...

Trish appeared at your side.

“These are for you,” she said with a beaming grin, holding out a pair of headphones for you.

“Wha -- Trish, what are you --”

“Check your phone,” she added.

“What in the --”

Another message from Junmyeon popped up on your screen, and when you opened it to see what it said... It was a link. To a YouTube video.

You took the headphones then, plugging them into your phone and placing each earbud in carefully. After taking a deep breath, you clicked the link.

The video started out with the very first vlog footage from yours and Junmyeon’s first vacation together.

“Junmyeon and Y/N! Hello!” 

And then multiple clips from that trip played in quick succession, all of the two of you together. A version of the song “Fools Rush In” you’d never heard before began playing in the background, and you found your brow had furrowed without you even realizing it.

Junmyeon had edited just about every single video clip of the two of you together into one video, including clips from Trish and Jongdae’s wedding vlog, all set to that beautiful song. Your eyes were filled with tears by the time the music was fading away, and then Junmyeon’s face popped up on the screen.

“Look up,” he said in the video.

Your head jerked back a little, and you slowly looked up, incredibly confused and extremely emotional.

Junmyeon -- the real one -- was now standing in front of you, and you quickly pulled the headphones out of your ears.

“What’s going --” you began, your voice choked with too many emotions.

“I swear to you, I’m not going to get nervous and panic and run away this time,” he began, standing close to you so he could speak softly.

A watery chuckle bubbled up in your throat, and you nodded, pressing your lips together to keep from crying.

“Do you remember this painting?” he asked, turning around to glance at it. “It’s the one that finally broke your resolve and made you admit how annoyed you were with all of the untitled pieces.”

Oh, my goodness, he was right. You hadn’t even remembered!

“You’ve been a lot of things to me,” he continued. “But you’ve never been untitled. You’ve been the girl I had a huge crush on. You’ve been my girlfriend. You’ve been my traveling partner. You’ve been my letter-writer. You’ve been my Instagram Wife... And now, I’m hoping... you’ll be my actual wife.”

Your heart began to pound, and a tear slipped through, rolling down your cheek slowly. You watched as Junmyeon reached into his pocket and revealed a sparkling, beautiful ring.

An engagement ring.

“Will you marry me?” he asked with the most adorable, hopeful smile on his lips.

“Of course,” you answered immediately. You nodded quickly, lifting your hand up and letting him slide the ring on.

You heard someone clapping in the background, and then Trish and Jongdae appeared, huddling together in a group hug.

Well. So much for not expecting a proposal anytime soon!

Part 10

[takingcourage]

The Girl Next Door

Pairing: Jaime x MC

Word Count: 3,550

Summary: Jaime gives Arden a tour of some renovations he’s made around his house, and they decide it’s time for a change in their relationship.

Note: I’ve had a draft of this story in the works since before A Prickly Diversion, so I’m super excited to finally share it with you all. It came out much cheesier than I intended, but I’m rolling with it. : ) 

This also fulfills the last two soft-prompt requests that I received from @krishu213 (reunion hug and family). If all goes according to plan, my other requested fics should be finished by the end of month. 

"Attention, passengers. We will now begin our descent into Northbridge International Airport. It's a cool fifty-seven degrees in the city and the local time is 6:43. We hope you've enjoyed--"

"Never thought I'd be so happy to be back in Northbridge," Ellen declared over the pilot's announcement. 

Arden pulled a pack of gum from her carry on and offered a stick to her business partner. "I'm always happy to be back."

Truth be told, she was especially glad to arrive on this particular evening. A series of flight delays had meant missing her lunch plans with Jaime and having to wait another full day before seeing Jinx and Opie. They'd only been apart for a week, but the time away had really started to wear her down.

Ellen rolled her eyes and folded the piece of gum into her mouth. "Of course you do. You'd happily live in the middle of the Sahara if it meant Jaime Lewis was there."

Arden wanted to argue, but the other woman wasn’t exactly wrong. Jaime had always been somewhat indispensable to her happiness, but over the past several months, he'd started feeling downright essential to her life. With a momentary flash of shame, she remembered the long sigh she'd given earlier in the day when their cancelled flight had meant eating yet another airport meal -- a meal without the boyfriend she'd been missing since they’d kissed goodbye at the terminal. 

It had been a long day -- the end to an incredibly long trip. From a business perspective, their venture had been incredibly successful. They'd secured all of the investments and partners that they'd been looking for, receiving little more than outright support for the groundwork they'd laid so far. The Ellen and Arden Show was scheduled to begin live tapings in Northbridge in just a few short weeks. 

Arden had been on cloud nine since they'd left their first meeting, except in the quiet moments when she remembered life outside of work. More and more, it was that half of life that seemed to matter most.

"I'm dropping you off at his house, right?" Ellen continued, breaking the silence. 

"That would be great. He can't pick me up from the airport, but he did promise to have dinner waiting for me." Arden straightened her back in a vain attempt to stretch out the kinks it had fallen into during their travels. 

Covering a yawn, Ellen consulted the view from her window. "You've got a real winner with that one."

"Which is exactly why I'm happy to be back in Northbridge," she responded lightly, predicting the other woman’s response even before it came. 

“Have I ever told you how cringey you are? Because you’re going to make me question my choice to take you on as my partner.” 

“That cringey-ness is part of why this city loves me. And we both know you’re not really regretting anything. We make a great team.” 

Ellen rubbed her forehead wearily as the wheels hit tarmac. 

_____

Arden had stayed in a lot of different places over the past week, but none of them had produced the same effect upon arrival as Jaime’s house. Her pulse shifted tempos when they finally made it to his driveway, her whole body light with the knowledge that this time, she was taking her suitcase somewhere familiar. The relief of not having to spend another night in a hotel was second only to the relief of not having to spend another night alone. 

“Thanks so much for the ride,” she acknowledged, cracking open the door. “I’ll have those drafts to you first thing tomorrow morning.”

Ellen gave her a peculiarly appraising glance. “No rush. I won’t have a chance to look over them until the afternoon.” 

“Okay. See you Monday?”

“Bright and early.” 

“See you then,” Arden promised, hefting her roller bag out of Ellen’s trunk. She wheeled the suitcase across Jaime’s sidewalk, smile breaking wide when the front door opened before her. 

“Hey!” Jaime greeted, reaching to take the briefcase that was slung across her shoulder. “Sorry I didn’t come out to the car.” I didn’t want to mess anything up. 

Arden’s forehead crinkled in confusion at his thought. “What is there to mess up?” As she uttered the words, she was met with the unmistakable smell of garlic wafting from the kitchen. “Oh, you mean dinner! We wouldn’t want anything to burn.” Again, she added mentally, recalling several of her own foiled kitchen attempts. 

Confusion flashed in his eyes, but he covered it quickly. “Oh, yeah. Burnt lasagna is a definite nope.” Jaime set the briefcase by the door, then he wheeled her suitcase into a nearby corner. “C’mere, Arden.” 

Dropping her purse to the floor, she was in his arms an instant later. She soaked in his warmth, his strength, his smell. Everything she’d been missing for the past week was fulfilled. 

“You okay?”

“I just missed you a lot.” She buried her nose into his shirt, breathing in the scent that had eluded her senses, no matter how hard she’d tried to imagine it. “And it’s good to be home.” 

His grip on her tightened. “Speaking of home, do you want to see the work I’ve done since the last time you came around? I could give you a little tour.” 

She nodded against him, lips curling up at the excitement in his tone. “I’d love to see what you’ve been working on.” 

He hadn’t told her the exact nature of the projects he’d completed, but Jaime wouldn’t be Jaime without some ongoing repair around the house. Even so, it was a little unusual for him to actually finish something significant enough to merit a tour. He’d spent years planning for future renovations, though most of his efforts were channelled into the work he did for others. 

Eager to see what he’d done, but reluctant to let go of him completely, Arden reached for his hand when they drifted apart. Slipping off her shoes, she followed him in past the entryway.

“You might have already guessed, but my first item of business was to get these floors refinished.” They crossed the threshold and Arden stopped short, thin socks sliding across the hardwood. 

“Jaime, they’re gorgeous! I can’t believe it’s the same floor!” She released his fingers so that she could squat down for a closer look. 

With a quiet chuckle, Jaime knelt down beside her. “It is a significant change, isn’t it? I went for a few shades darker than what was here before. It’s classy, but not dark enough to make cleaning it too much of a chore. I don’t think the upkeep will be too bad.” 

Arden’s fingers came to a standstill as she brushed the glossy panels. “Are you planning to hire me as your maid?” 

His cheeks flooded with color when her laughing eyes fell on him. “Of course not! It’s just...an interesting design feature.” 

“Uh-huh,” she replied, unconvinced. There was definitely more going on than Jaime was letting on. Is he asking me to move in with him? 

As they stood, his next thought practically confirmed it. 

It shouldn’t even show pet hair. I know they don’t shed that much, but still... 

Arden felt her heartbeat in her throat as they resumed the tour. If he was asking her to move in, her answer would come quite easily. She’d been wanting to move in together practically since they’d started dating, but Jaime’s good sense had encouraged waiting until they were sure that the relationship was actually going somewhere. Moving was an awful lot of hassle for something that wasn’t permanent. 

This is permanent, she thought, brushing away the strand of hair that had fallen across her forehead. It’s definitely permanent. 

Catching up to him, she locked onto his arm, pressing her cheek against his bicep while they walked into the dining room together. He glanced down at her, concern in his eyes quickly turning to affection when he saw the contentment in her gaze. 

It’s good to have you back, Arden. 

“It’s good to be back. And I hope it’s a long time before I have to leave you again.” 

There was a pause before his reply. “I do too.” Whatever was on his mind, he recovered quickly, and she didn’t press the issue. He gestured toward the gray walls behind his oak dining set. “I’ve taken down the wallpaper in here, but I was hoping to get your input before I put something else up.” 

“You have a much better eye for design than I do,” she countered, surveying the large swath of bare wall. “I don’t want you to end up with something you hate just because I picked it on a whim.” 

“I’ve got it narrowed down to a handful of options.” And your opinion matters a lot to me. 

“Then I’d be happy to take a look at what you’ve got. I’ll even help you hang it up if you decide on new wallpaper.” 

Jaime eyed her dubiously. “I wouldn’t put you through that.” 

“It could be fun,” she countered. “We’d stream some cheesy pop music and get wallpaper paste all over our clothes...”

His brow cocked even further. “Have you ever hung wallpaper?”

“Not even once,” she admitted with mock solemnity. 

“Then I wouldn’t put me through that either.” 

“Oh, stop.” 

She caught another whiff of dinner and sidestepped into the kitchen for a tantalizing glimpse of the lasagna on top of the stove. As she took in the sight of marinara and melted cheese, the airport sandwich she’d eaten so many hours ago felt even more paltry by comparison.  

Jaime noticed the shift in her focus. “It still needs to rest for a little while before we cut into it. While we’re waiting, we can take a look at another project I’ve been working on upstairs.”

Arden turned from the kitchen, taking in her boyfriend’s unsettled expression. Why does he look so nervous? She fell into their normal pattern of banter, hoping that it would relieve the tension she saw etched across his face. “Oh, I see. You’re just trying to get me into your bedroom.”

“Something like that,” he answered with a laugh.

“You’re lucky it happens to be one of my favorite places,” she commented, leading him up the flight of stairs. “But I’m not letting myself get too distracted. Dinner smells amazing and I’m hungry.” 

“I’m sure. Traveling can really take it out of you.” 

“You can say that again.” Arden couldn’t resist a quick smirk as they passed into his room. 

Some of her favorite memories from the past months had taken place between these four walls -- snuggling in the early morning before either of their alarms had sounded, half-forgotten conversations that occurred when one of them wasn’t quite ready to fall asleep... More than anything, it brought to mind the closeness they’d achieved over these past months. Physically, emotionally, spiritually -- there was no one she’d ever known more fully than she knew him.

She scanned the space for changes, stepping into the ensuite when she could see no major difference in the bedroom. Once inside, Arden noticed the sink first: a double vanity where a single basin had stood before. Jaime’s small collection of toiletries had been moved to one corner of the counter, leaving the other side completely empty save for the new hand towel that rested beside the rim. It took longer for her to see the additional set of towel hooks that stuck out from the opposite wall a solid half-foot lower than the existing pair. 

When she looked behind her, Jaime was leaning against the doorway, deep brown eyes fixated on her form. “I was thinking maybe it was time for an upgrade,” he told her quietly. “You’ve been ‘the girl next door’ for a long time.”

Arden’s heart thumped dully, the roar of blood pounding in her ears. “Are you asking me to move in with you?” She wasn’t nervous about asking the question, but her body still hummed in anticipation of his response. Please say yes. 

“Something like that,” he repeated a second time, standing up straight. “Let’s go downstairs. There’s one more thing I wanted to show you.” 

Suspicion dawned as they trod the stairs again. Jaime wasn’t usually one for evasive answers. Deflecting multiple questions meant he was definitely keeping something from her. Remembering his earlier unease, the nature of that something was suddenly incredibly obvious. 

He’s asking me to marry him, she realized with startling clarity. She’d caught his thoughts on marriage too many times for this to be mere coincidence. 

“I was kind of hoping to save this for last,” he told her as they reentered the living room, waving a hand toward a wooden inscription that hung above the mantle: 

The Lewis Family, established 2020

Even with her suspicions, her mouth still fell open at the simple message. There could be little mistaking just what he meant by such a gesture. 

Breath hitching in her throat, Arden turned from the sign to the man standing before her. All of his nerves were gone, replaced by a look of the most tender affection she had ever seen. 

“Arden, I want you to be more than just ‘the girl next door’ or ‘the girl who lives with me.’ I'd really like to call you my wife.” His lips quivered at the pause between words. “I’ve had you in my life for so long that I can hardly even remember who I was before I met you. Over the years, I’ve had the honor of standing by your side as you risked everything for what you believe in, I’ve watched how well you love and care for others, and I’ve benefitted from your thoughtfulness more times than I can count. You’re the funniest, most creative, most insightful person I’ve ever met, and I love you more every single time you cross my mind.”

“But more than all of that, you’re my best friend and the only woman I’ve ever wanted to spend my life with.” He knelt and withdrew the box from his pocket, holding it out to her as he opened the lid. “Marry me?” Jaime asked simply, emotions checking all but the most necessary words. 

Eyes fixed on Jaime, she was conscious only of his question and the stream of tears spilling over her cheeks. She tried to sweep them away, but they continued, unbidden. “Of course I will,” Arden whispered. “I think you knew before you even asked.” 

Confidence fully returned, he flashed her a self-assured smile. “I certainly hoped you would.” 

She’d always expected that getting engaged would be frightening -- that she’d be overcome with fear about what the commitment meant for her future. When she’d imagined permanence with anyone she’d dated before, marriage had seemed like something to bind her and hold her down.

But with Jaime, it wasn’t like that at all. In fact, she wasn’t sure when she’d felt more free or alive. All she wanted was to be gathered up in his arms, kissing the lips that had spoken the two sweetest words she’d ever heard.

Both longing for contact, they kissed soundly before she melted into his embrace, cheek sitting flush against the hammering of his heart. Arden heard the confessions of love he whispered into her hair, but she was too full of joy to recognize their substance. 

They parted, and Jaime swiped at the remaining tears with his thumbs, cradling her face between his hands. “That sign is just a symbol, by the way. You don’t have to take my name. I can take yours or we can use a hyphen, or --”

She shut him up with a kiss, arms winding so tightly around his neck that his body sagged with the weight of her. 

“Jaime, it’s perfect -- whatever we decide. No matter what the paper says, you’ll be a Gale and I’ll be a Lewis. We’ll be a family.”

His eyes brimmed with tears as she stressed the word. “I can’t tell you how much I want that with you.” 

“I’ve never wanted anything more in my life,” she agreed. “Even if it took a while to figure that out.” 

“We should probably put your ring on then.”

Arden could only nod, another fit of giggles accompanying her wordless reply. In the swell of emotions, she’d managed to forget the ring entirely. 

Jaime slid it onto her finger with ease, bracing her hand for inspection even after it was securely in place.

She’d caught him staring at the naked fingers of her left hand too many times in the past weeks for the perfect fit to come as a surprise. What she hadn’t expected, however, was to recognize the emeralds on either side of the central stone.

"They’re from my mom’s bridal set." She could barely get the words out around a second onslaught of tears. 

He looked up from her fingers to meet her gaze, brown eyes misting over. "I've had them since the day your dad found out we were dating. Apparently she gave him pretty clear instructions to pass it on once we’d finally stopped pretending.” 

“It couldn’t be more perfect, Jaime.”

“I love you, future-wife.” He kissed her hand and dropped it to her side. 

“You’re such a dork,” she laughed, tears still dampening her face.

“Hey, cut me some slack. I’ve been waiting a pretty long time to call you that.” 

“Let’s change that soon,” Arden suggested before catching his lips once more. 

_____

“Is this why you couldn’t come pick me up from the airport?” Arden inquired after dinner, thumb caressing the smooth metal band that circled her finger. 

She couldn’t see his face, but it wasn’t difficult to imagine the blush that was probably spreading over his cheeks at the question. He drew close, stubble tickling her cheek as he leaned down to her ear. “There’s no way I could have made it that entire drive without thinking something that would have given it away. I didn’t want to ruin the surprise.” 

“You really are a romantic at heart.”

“What can I say, Arden? You bring out that side of me.”

Arden pulled her legs up bedside her, turning on the couch to sit across his thighs. From this position, his silhouette was illuminated by the light of the fire behind him, casting a golden halo across his features. 

His lips curved into the boyish smile that had been doing funny things to her heart for years. In such moments, those striking eyes had never held anything but delight and care for her. But tonight, there was something else woven in -- something that spoke of forever. 

Smiling to herself, she allowed her gaze to fall back to the hands in her lap. As the firelight glinted off the stones of her ring, she sucked in a quiet breath. 

“What is it?” Jaime asked, noting her surprise. 

Her eyes flitted back to his face. “Walking into the studio with this rock on my finger is really going to damage my sex appeal. Not that I have to have sex appeal, but in the world of television, it certainly helps...” she backpedalled, realizing that the entire notion was somewhat ridiculous. 

“I think your sex appeal is just fine.”

“You’ve never given me reason to doubt that at all,” Arden laughed, threading her fingers through his hair. “Let’s just hope you don’t get bored of me after I move in.” 

“It won’t,” he persuaded, his tone growing serious. “After this many years together, I can promise you that’s never going to happen.” 

She nuzzled into his chest and slipped an idle hand beneath his shirt. His muscles tensed as she felt her way around his side. Still, it wasn’t long before he joined the exploration, his own fingers finding the sliver of skin exposed beneath the hem of her shirt. 

Nope, definitely not getting bored of you. And I’m definitely ready to have this all the time. 

His thoughts sent a thrill of heat through her. 

“Although I do have a few other projects to finish before you move in. I want it to be perfect.” 

“It will be,” she assured. “In fact, there’s just one more renovation I’d suggest.” 

His hands paused, as if waiting to add her request to his list. 

Arden’s cheeks throbbed with the force of her smile. “Don’t worry -- it’s nothing too big. I just think we should hang some blinds on this window so you can kiss me in every room of the house.” 

“I’m kissing you anyway,” he told her, hands moving once more to scoop her into his arms. He pressed a kiss to her cheek and carried her weight as he stood. “But I’m taking you upstairs before this goes any further.” 

“You can take me anywhere you like,” she told him, giggling as she recalled Ellen’s earlier comment about the Sahara. 

“Hmm?” His steps slowed as his face angled down to search for the source of her amusement.  

"It’s nothing,” she promised with a kiss to his chin. “Take me upstairs?” 

Jaime was only too happy to comply. 

[fireinmoonshot]

ANGELS | AUGUST WALKER x READER | PART FOUR

PART ONE | PART TWO | PART THREE Summary: You’re the daughter of the Secretary of State and, after being caught up in an assassination attempt against your father, are assigned a bodyguard – August Walker. August isn’t sure about his new assignment, especially as it’s so different from what he’s used to, but as soon as he meets you, something clicks, and something tells him that this might not be so awful after all. Pairing: female!Reader x August Walker Fandom: Mission: Impossible Word Count: 3153 Warnings: Mentions of nightmares, vague mentions of panic attacks. A/N: This is the longest part so far, but it’s also kind of a filler (except for the last scene – that’s important). This took bloody forever to write and I definitely didn’t intend on it being 3k+, but oh well. I hope you like it! The next part is shaping up to be one of my faves and I’m really excited for you guys to see what comes next!

One of the things August missed the most about his apartment in Washington was his kitchen. When he’d moved in and saved up some money, he’d had it all redone very nicely. It was large and very spacious and he spent quite a lot of time in it. No one at the CIA knew about it, but August found cooking in his downtime very therapeutic, especially after a difficult mission.

It didn’t hurt that he’d become quite a good cook, either.

So when he got to New York and saw your kitchen he knew he’d have to cook in it one day. It was the least he could do for you. He’d only chosen to cook on that particular morning, though, because he needed to clear his mind and try and get the image and feeling of his arm around you as the both of you slept out of his mind.

When you walked out of your room, dressed for the day, still trying not to think about how you’d woken up only an hour earlier with August’s arm wrapped around you, you were a little surprised to see him standing in front of your oven, dressed in his usual suit, making breakfast.

“What’s this?” You asked, wandering further into the kitchen and towards the fridge.

He turned to look at you, a little surprised at your arrival. He hadn’t even heard you walk into the kitchen, though he wasn’t disappointed at all. You didn’t look at him in a way that told him that you knew about the almost cuddle last night, either, which he was grateful for.

“I’m making breakfast,” August explained. “I figured it was the least I could do to thank you for opening your home up to me while I’m here. I may be employed by your father to protect you, but I feel like it’s necessary to thank you in this way, too. And you told me when we arrived to make myself at home, so I’m doing that to the best of my ability.”

“Oh, you didn’t have to do that,” you chuckled as you poured yourself some juice. “Really, opening up my home to you isn’t a problem. You’re here to ensure my safety and I actually enjoy your company, too. But I do appreciate it.”

He shrugged and turned to start dishing up the food onto the plates. “Like I said, it’s the least I could do. And you’ll enjoy it. I’m not one for bragging, but I am a good cook.”

You rolled your eyes playfully and took a sip of your juice. “Oh, yeah?”

“Mind-blowingly good.”

“I’ll believe it when I taste it.”

“Oh, you will. Trust me.”

When the two of you eventually sat down for breakfast at the dining table five minutes later, you were forced to actually admit to August that he was a good cook. It didn’t feel like you were even eating in the comfort of your own home, more like eating out at some fancy restaurant. If he ever needed another career, you’d suggest chef. You weren’t even sure how he hadn’t managed to swoop up an other half yet – or perhaps he had and you just didn’t know. Your stomach flipped at the thought and you pushed the thought away instantly.

There wasn’t much talking over breakfast. You were up early so you could get to work and miss most of the traffic and, as the two of you sat at the dining table, you could see the sun rising over New York from your window. Conversation was almost non-existent but it didn’t bother either of you. Ever since you’d met you’d found it easy to just sit in the silence. August was the type of person you could talk about nothing with and still feel fulfilled.

It was comforting. You were dreading the day that it was deemed you didn’t need a bodyguard anymore. You’d never found that quality in anyone before and as soon as that day came you knew August would be heading back to Washington.

The thought alone of almost losing August nearly soured the rest of your breakfast.

You cleared your throat to take your mind off the thought. “I got a text from Teddy last night, actually,” you admitted. “You know Teddy? My driver back in Washington?”

August nodded.

“He’s coming to New York this weekend and he wants to meet up on Friday. I’ve told him that it’s okay, but I just figured I’d check with you. He’s harmless, I promise. I’ve known him for years. He couldn’t hurt a fly,” you explained. Teddy had been your father’s driver for about five years now and every time you visited Washington seeing him had been a highlight. You were looking forward to seeing him again, especially as it was slowly coming up to being a month since the attack.

August tensed up at the mention of Teddy visiting but you didn’t notice. He was good at hiding it. After all, he had no reasons to worry about Teddy. Teddy, back when they’d met in Washington, seemed like a genuinely kind guy. But for some reason August couldn’t help but feel a little jealous of how you spoke about him so affectionately.

Though he pushed that jealousy back. “It should be fine. He’ll just be coming to the apartment, won’t he? I don’t see a problem in that.” Not much of a problem.

You nodded. “Yeah, just to the apartment. I’ll text him later and see if he can give me a time. It should be nice to see him again, especially after what happened,” you paused and then sighed. “I’d like you to stay here while he’s visiting, by the way. Just in case… in case something happens. I don’t think anything will happen, but just to be safe.”

“It should be fine,” August repeated. “I’m sure it’ll be good to see him again.”

Good for you, maybe. For him? Not so much.

For the rest of the week, everything was normal.

August continued to accompany you to work, you still taught your students on a daily basis and Brian was still keeping his distance in the break room and in the corridors. August was even starting to get along with some of your other more frequent and much nicer colleagues. They’d started to accept that he wasn’t going anywhere soon and had actually started including him in conversations most days, even though they knew 99% of his attention needed to be on a possible threat.

Back in the apartment, things were working nicely between the two of you. You’d both come up with a sort of routine for after school and had been keeping with it well. You and August had also been alternating cooking dinner every night, something which the both of you enjoyed.

The nights were the same, though. August still slept in your bed most nights and kept the second nightmares at bay. Luckily, he’d somehow convinced his unconscious self to not wrap an arm around you as you slept, though the fact that he was still waking up to you every morning wasn’t good for his mind.

The more he did it, the more he got used to it.

The more it’d hurt when it’d stop.

Friday came quickly and before you knew it Teddy was in your apartment, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you into a huge hug. August stood by the door, feeling a little like he was intruding on a very private moment.

It was the reason he busied himself after Teddy got comfortable on the couch with you and started to catch you up on everything going on back in Washington.

August, instead of involving himself directly, sat at the dining table, his laptop open and work laid out in front of him. He had intended to actually get some work done but fell quickly to the mercy of eavesdropping and ended up listening to a majority of your conversation rather than working.

He already knew some of what Teddy told you. They were still looking for the person who tried to kill your father and had succeeded in killing Irene. There had been no more attacks on your father and everything was strangely calm. None of it was a surprise, even to you, because August had been keeping you up to date on the things that Sloane told him. You didn’t mention that to Teddy, though.

Just as August was preparing himself to actually focus on his work and start getting stuff done, Teddy started another interesting conversation.

“Listen, I know you might be a little sceptical of this, but hear me out, yeah?” Teddy asked, sitting up on the couch. “I’m heading off to a party tonight with a few college friends and I think you should come along. It’s only gonna be small, just a few people. But it’ll be good for you to get out and about again, hey? What do you think?”

You unintentionally looked over at August before answering, seeing him already looking at you. “Ah, I don’t know, Teddy. I don’t think I’m ready for that.”

“He can come, too,” he nodded towards August. “It’s only a few friends and some drinks, I swear. A bit of music, some drinks, just some fun. And they’re all nice people. Just think of four different versions of me!”

Sighing, you glanced over at August again. His eyebrows were furrowed and he didn’t seem very enthralled at the idea of you going to a party, even if he was going to be there with you.

Teddy pleaded once more, insisting that it wouldn’t be too much for you.

“What do you think?” You looked over at August.

August paused and then frowned a little. “If this party is what Teddy says it is, I don’t see the harm. Though I’d like to scope the place out as soon as we arrive and make sure there’s nothing going on that I don’t know about. Of course, only if you want to go. If you’d rather not, that’s your decision.” He must have seen the hesitation in your eyes.

You thought it over for a few seconds and then shrugged. What’s the harm? A small gathering between a few of Teddy’s friends. August would be there, you wouldn’t even have to drink and you could be home early if you wanted. “Just a few hours.”

Teddy’s face broke into a grin and he launched himself at you in a hug. “Amazing! You’ll have a great night, I swear!”

You could only hope he would be right.

It was only when you got to the party that you realised Teddy was lying.

As the three of you walked up towards the old warehouse-turned-club, you and August shared a look and a sigh. You both should have figured out he was lying. Hell, even August should have known and he barely even knew Teddy.

You could hear the music blasting from the inside of the club before you even got to the front door and frowned, tugging your jacket closer to yourself. August, true to form, was dressed in a rather attractive fitted suit.

“Anything to apologise for, Teddy?” You nudged his arm.

He sheepishly grinned at you. “I just want you to have some fun, okay?”

“Yeah… could have gotten that by playing Monopoly at home, but okay…”

August was right behind you as Teddy led you into the club. The music was even louder inside and you inwardly winced as you walked into the club. This definitely wasn’t your usual atmosphere. As you’d said, monopoly at home definitely seemed like a much more appealing way to spend a Friday night.

But there was no backing out now.

There were hundreds of people there, not just a small group of friends, and they were all dancing around the club. You could see a DJ further into the room, a crowd of people around him. You took a deep breath as you walked further into the club. So much for Teddy’s promise that it’d be a bit of music, some drinks and a few friends. This was much more like a lot of music, tonnes of drinks and, at most, one friend mixed in with about 80 strangers.

August, much like you, didn’t like the environment much. He’d much rather have been back at your apartment with you, though now that you were there, he was on full alert. There were a lot of things that could go wrong in a place like this, it was too big for even August to scope out, and he hated the fact that Teddy didn’t seem to take that into account. He wanted you to have fun, sure, but he apparently didn’t realise that bringing you somewhere here was quite literally risking your life.

And the music? His head was already starting to pound.

Teddy gave you another hug and then disappeared off into the crowd not two minutes after you’d arrived. Frowning, you turned to August and gave him a small smile. If you’d known, you would have stayed home.

Neither of you bothered to try talking. It was so loud that you both knew that you’d end up shouting. Somehow, you both managed to share how you were feeling through a single look – you knew August was just as uncomfortable as you were and that comforted you more than anything.

An hour later, you were only still at the party for Teddy’s sake. You’d promised him in the car on the way to the party that you’d stick around for at least two hours and you were planning on keeping to that even though your head was pounding and you really weren’t in the mood for dancing.

In fact, all you and August had done for the hour that had passed was leant up against the wall on one side of the club, sipped on bottles of water and watched other people dancing, occasionally sharing a glance between one another to let the other know how you were feeling – that feeling hadn’t changed since you arrived.

The water had taken its toll, though. You caught sight of the bathrooms sign just when you needed it and nudged August, pointing to the sign to let him know that’s where you were going. Neither of you had bothered to even try talking.

He nodded and followed after you.

If you were glad about anything, you were glad that August was with you. If he hadn’t come along to the party, you were sure you would have been having an even worse time – probably being forced to dance by Teddy.

When you disappeared off into the bathrooms, August waited outside. He was tired already, even though it was only 10:00pm, and was eagerly waiting for the moment when he could go home and rest. He was worried about you, too. Clearly this wasn’t your scene and a little part of him hated Teddy for tricking you into coming here when you clearly weren’t comfortable with it. If you weren’t so adamant on staying for another hour he would have swept you up and taken you home five minutes after you’d arrived.

He was pretty sure that next time you asked if Teddy could visit, he’d say no.

Fifteen minutes had passed, though August hadn’t seen you come out of the bathroom yet. He honestly hadn’t even noticed the crowd of people that had come up between him and the bathroom door.

There couldn’t be that much of a line up.

Frowning, he walked over to the door of the bathroom and creaked it open just a little. He called out to see if you were inside, though no one answered with a yes and, instead, a few girls yelled out a very unhelpful ‘No!’ and he stepped back outside, senses on full alert.

Where the hell were you?

He pulled his phone out of his pocket to see if you’d tried to call or text him but there was nothing. He tensed up instantly and looked around the room, trying to spot you. You’d had to have come out of the bathroom at some point and he’d just been stupid to miss you.

August walked out into the crowd, looking through the hundreds of people, eyes wide and heart racing as he looked for you. There were so many people but the only person that mattered to August was you. He could pick you out of a crowd of thousands, though he was having no luck with this crowd in particular.

On edge, he walked further into the crowd, pushing the people apart as they jumped up and down and danced to whatever song the DJ was playing. He didn’t recognise any of it – electronic wasn’t usually his taste. In fact nothing was his taste when someone he cared about was missing.

He checked his phone again. Nothing.

Nerves filled his system. You had to be somewhere. You had to be somewhere in this room, among these people. Maybe you’d found Teddy and decided to dance. Maybe you’d seen someone you knew. August severely doubted it.

He closed one of his hands into a fist as he kept wandering through the crowd, looking at the faces of everyone he saw when they were illuminated by the strobe lights around the DJ. He didn’t see you in any of them. The whole atmosphere was extremely claustrophobic and August didn’t think you’d end up in the crowd when you left the bathroom. He was just starting to make his way out of it when he caught Teddy in the corner of his eye.

“Teddy!” He called unsuccessfully.

Teddy was jumping up and down to the music, a grin on his face.

Finally, August reached him. He grabbed his arm. It was difficult to hear when Teddy spoke, it was really more of a yell, and he was clearly more than a little tipsy, but August tried his best.

“Heyyyyo! Bodyguard man!”

It came easily for August to question Teddy about your whereabouts, and usually he’d be a little more distrustful of someone like Teddy, especially after his lie, but he couldn’t help but believe him when Teddy assured him he hadn’t seen you.

August’s heart raced faster.

“Are you sure you haven’t seen her? Not anywhere?”

“Nope! Thought she was with you, bodyguard man!”

August frowned and turned away from Teddy, walking further away from the crowd of people. Lights were flashing, people were dancing, the music was blaring and August could barely even hear his own thoughts. But the only thing that mattered, and the only thought he could hear was that he didn’t know where you were.

His eyes swept around the room once more and panic flashed in his chest.

You were nowhere to be seen.

Tag List:

@sallyp-53, @rose-mayrowan

[angelynrostrand]

Chapter 6

Summary:  To the outside world, nothing should connect shy girl Angel Monroe and popular boy Xavier Hazelwood. But that isn't entirely true. They both hold secrets. Behind both of them lie 2 separate wolf packs. Xavier is well on his way to Alpha status and running the pack. Angel is not a wolf but instead the last healer in the world. When the realization comes forward that they are connected by destiny, will they decide to fulfill it? Is their connection predetermined by fate or will they choose their hearts? Lives and packs cross and mingle while romance and conflict brews. The story of 2 opposite souls on a collision path. Will destiny win out? Even the most innocent face, has the darkest secrets.

Word Count: 2,460

Warnings: None for now

https://weheartit.com/entry/272829059

I pick my nails from anxiety, not sure what to say next. We both stay silent and stand in the middle of the hallway with people walking around us. I notice Rebecca and her friends looking over at us. I just remember her threat and the bathroom assault. Why does she make me nervous? Xavier also notices Rebecca, then connects the dots.

"Did Rebecca say something to you?" His loud voice catches the attention of everyone in the hallway. "Is she the one who gave you those scars and bruises?"

"Xavier, please lower your voice." His anger is new to me. I have become so used to his kind and sunny personality.

"No Angel. Tell me. That's why you didn't tell me."

A part of me wants to tell him and throw her under the bus. But what would it do? What would he do? I just nodded to agree. I'm tired of lying to him and this is the only secret I can reveal. A little, small secret to distract from the big one hidden in me.

Xavier took a big sigh and rolled his head back. "Is that why you don't want me? Because of her?"

"Xavier no, please." I don’t get a chance to finish my sentence because of the loud bell to notify all the students to go to class.

"We are not finished with this conversation." Before I can disagree or add a comment, he rushes to his class.

Towards the end of English class, my teacher let us work in groups to start on our homework. I normally work alone, but Rebecca and her friends turn around to face me. I sit up straighter from her quick movement.

She wastes no time going after me. "I thought I made myself clear last time." Her tone is harsh to scare me, but low enough for the teacher not to notice. "Do I have to beat your ass to get the message? Stay away from Xavier. We are on a break for now but will be together again before Prom."

"I don't think..." I couldn't finish with her next sentence. I didn't realize I was sinking in my seat and looking more pathetic. I bet to her I look like an easy target to destroy.

"I don't care. He's just interested in you because he is trying to get my attention. He has it now. So ignore him and we won't have a problem. Continue to be around him and things will get serious." The bell rings to release us. She gets up and before leaving with her group of friends, says, "Don't worry, he will stop talking to you the moment we have sex again. We always get back together." She changed her voice and sweetly said: "Have a good day."

While I collect my stuff, I look out the window. The rainy weather had seemed to change. The sun is coming out from the puffy clouds. It's starting to be a sunny day from the sad and gray weather from this morning. The total opposite of my mood. I want it to stay rainy and cloudy.

At my tutoring job. I handed them back their papers. Today the class had a sub and normally I would take the lead to give the sub a break but not today. The teacher left them to do any makeup work. Including their final paper or their independent reading project. I just stayed at my desk thinking about what Rebecca said. They had sex together. Do I even have a right to be angry or jealous? He isn't my boyfriend. Yes, we are bonded by birth to be mates but I knew he had a reputation of being...what's the word for it? In a kind way, I guess he... is... experienced. Still, the thought of them both together in a private moment like that makes me want to throw up.

In art class, there was a note on the door telling the students to meet up at the football field.

"Why are we meeting at the field?" A sweet girl says, reading my mind. She is also in my English class. She is always kind to me. I give her a friendly smile and shrug my shoulders. At the end of the note, it said to bring our sketch pads. The whole class meets up at the entrance of the stadium. Our teacher is waiting for our arrival with her clipboard and a bright smile. Well at least someone is having a better day than I am.

"Good afternoon everyone. Since it is a beautiful day, I want to be outside rather than inside. And since I am in charge, I say class will be outside and I don't care what you guys think." Her comment made some people laugh. I also smiled. "For today's assignment, I want you guys to sketch out anything outside. I am trusting you guys to roam around campus. I will be walking around and also I will be doing the same assignment. But before class ends, I want you guys to hand in your guy's sketch pad. Just drop it off in the classroom. It doesn't matter if you didn't finish, I just want proof that you did it." The whole class nods. "Ok go. Be free."

Everyone spreads out to find their inspiration. It is a beautiful day. Maybe having time outside and sketching will give me time to think, but also calm myself. I plug in my music and pull out my pad. Unlike my classmates, I stay on the field. On the top of the bleachers, you can see the mountains and the forest, freshly cleaned from the rain. I wipe the seat of the rainwater and sit down. I look back and forth from the scene to the white paper. I continue to sketch peacefully with Ed Sheeran in my ear. I definitely need this. While looking back up for reference I notice a gym class walking on the track. They looked like they are taking a running test or something. My peaceful moment is ruined when Xavier separates himself from the group. To make it clear that it was him I guess. Shoot. I try to focus on my artwork. The quicker I finish the quicker I can leave. I don't want to finish our conversation. Xavier and his class run a couple of laps and of course, he finished early compared to the regular humans. His teacher seemed to let them have a free day outside too. He finally notices me on top of the bleachers. I pretend to not focus on him, but he is walking up the bleachers.

We just looked at each other. I finally unplugged my music and looked up at him. "Hey."

"Hi." Simple and basic. I am not sure what to do.

"Can we...like...talk?" I just nodded and he sat down next to me. "I talked with Rebecca..."

"You what?" She is going to kill me.

"She won't bother you anymore or her friends. No one will ever hurt you. Again."

"What did you do?"

"I just talked to her. She realized we are not getting back together and ...."

"Maybe you guys should get back together." He stops talking. "No one wants us to be together. Not my father, not my Alpha, and not Rebecca." The weather starts to get windy and gray again. My anger seems to be affecting the weather again.

"I want us together. I want us to be together. Why can't that be enough?" His words did hurt. I started to walk down and away from him. "Please don't leave me." He followed me to the floor. "I can talk to your Alpha and your father. Maybe we can..."

"No." Why can't he understand? The clouds covered the sky and looked like it was about to pour rain again.

"Tell me the real reason why we can never be together. You’re not even going to try to explain?

"Because..." I'm going to regret this. "Because I'm not going to be with someone who had sex with a person who isn't their mate." The rain came down fast and hard. Dang, it. Control yourself, Angel. He grabbed my hand and we ran to safety. All his classmates did the same. He chose more a private spot to continue the conversation.

He took a big sigh and said, "What did you say?"

"You heard me." I whimpered. I tried to calm myself for everyone's safety. No more lighting or thunder, but still rain.

"Who told you that?"

"Who do you think? Rebecca." I looked down with a soft voice.

"Angel, we never did anything. We never had sex. I am still...I have been waiting on my mate too." He sounded kind of embarrassed. But he was  being honest. Great, we have been together for less than a week and we are already talking about sex. He places his hand under my chin to look up at him. "I won't do that to you. Rebecca lied to you and yeah I have been to parties but most things you hear are just rumors. You have to believe me. My mom would tell me stories about mates and how wonderful it would be. The feeling being whole and at peace. When I saw you riding your bike and singing along to your music, it made sense. Everything my mom said was true. Your floral scent drives me crazy, and you looked so beautiful at the party. I love how your eyes light up when you laugh. They turn a light yellowish-brown and how..."

I did the bravest thing in my life. I kissed him. Full of heart and soul. I'm not sure if I get caught in the moment or just teenage hormones but I do not regret it. I pull away to see his reaction.

"No, I'm not done." He whispered against my lips and pulled me back in. I smile and gladly kissed him back. When we finish, the rain stops and we just stay quiet to enjoy the moment. I stay in his arms. Plus I'm cold from the rain and he naturally runs warm. He finally asked, "Why were you outside today?"

My eyes widen and I release my arms from around him to rush to my sketch pad. I guess I dropped it when I kissed Xavier. "Please don't be ruined," I repeat over and over again.

"What's wrong?" Xavier asked. I open the book and see the pages are wet. It had a lot of my sketches. I handed him the book while I run my hands through my hair and closed my eyes. "Well, maybe we can save it?"

"No. That's why I was outside. My teacher let us be outside to sketch for an assignment. Now they are all ruined."

"No their not. They are still good. Man, I forgot how good you are." He flips through each page.

"Thanks, but I have been working on it all semester."

"Awe come on. Don't pout." I didn't realize I was until he pointed it out. He opens his arms for me to enter them. Which I do, only because I'm cold. “Let’s hang out after school.” I let go of his warm embrace.

“I can’t. I have a job.” We walk back to class.

“Where at? Maybe I can drop you off. If you want a ride?

“At my house. I am helping our pack’s doctor.” He looks shocked for a moment. “And I can never decline a free ride.” I smile.

“Alright let me change back into my normal clothes and I’ll meet you at my car.”

“Okay. I have to turn in my sad and tragic artworks to my teacher anyways. Take your time.” We both walk our separate ways. When I made it to the art building, I see Xavier running back to me. “What's wrong?” He was slightly out of breath.

“I forgot something.”

“What?” I looked at my hands thinking I was holding something for him.

“This.” He held me once again and kisses me for good measure.

“Xavier!” I smiled and pressed my fingertips against my lips. He just ran away again with a cheeky smile.

 After waiting for Xavier for 10 minutes by his car, he arrived with wet hair. Did he shower? He unlocked his car and opened the passenger door for me. “What a gentleman,” I tease.

“Only for you.” During the drive, I start to think. What am I going to tell my family? What are we exactly? Should I tell Xavier about me? I have so much I want to tell him. “What are thinking about in that pretty head of yours?”

“Oh. Do you also have a half schedule? Oh my god did you ditch? Oh my god, I helped!” I am freaking out. Why would he do that? Just to be with me. “Graduation is coming up you can’t do that. Your education is much more important than me.” He started to laugh. “Why are you laughing?” I’m having a little nerd heart attack.

“Angel Angel calm down. I do have a half schedule like you.” He continued to laugh in between sentences. “And I would totally ditch class for you.” I take a deep sigh. “Aren’t you cute when you are worried about me?” He places his hand over mine on top of my lap. He leans in for a kiss but I stop him with my hand on his chest.

“Xavier pay attention to the road.” I laugh but I want to stop him. I need to ask “What are we? I mean I know we are mates but…”

“I want us to be official. Let me take you on a date. And not like a study date. A real one.” He parks in front of my house

“I do too but let me...just let me talk to my father and my alpha. Okay?” I don’t want to give him false hopes, but I know my family will disagree with my decision.

“I understand.” We both lean into each other.

“Xavier we shouldn’t. There are cameras everywhere.”

He nodded. “Text me how it goes okay.” I smile and jump out of his fancy black car.

I want to take it slow. I know it is fun in the beginning but I know I won’t be able to be with him forever. I guess with every kiss we have together, the more I know deep down we can’t stay together. It won’t work out if I continue to lie to him. I will just make things worse. I have too much baggage and he is a good man who needs a good and truthful mate.

[callie-the-snarky-geek-blog]

RvB16 Episode 1 Review: The Shisno

(Old Blog Repost)

Season 15, to put it lightly, has had mixed reception. Some liked it, some didn’t. Some like parts of it, others like different parts. Regardless of where you stand, I think we can all agree that it wasn’t a perfect season. Personally I enjoyed it, but I was also a newcomer to RvB so… you know, I’m biased. Regardless, Joe did well enough to be given the reigns once again and it looks like he has some MASSIVE plans.

So finally, here we are with the sixteenth season. With only one episode, it’s still too early to determine if this season will be an improvement or a disappointment. But the first episode is supposed to draw us in. Did it succeed in doing so? Lets find out.

Overview

The introduction is… weird. We saw the medieval scene on Twitter.. well the first few seconds anyways. It being a medieval version of the famous ‘ever wonder hwy we’re here’ scene can’t be for no reason. I guess it MAY be a hint at the time travel aspect coming up, but for now it’s just baffling. What is even mroe baffling is the vortex and the voice following it. We now know that the voice belongs to a being named Muggins as he speaks of things being provoked by humble actions and briefly going over the end of S15. Some kind of prophecy has been triggered due to the time drill thing and even with it gone, it still fulfilled it’s purpose. Which leads us to…

Fighting over food! So first, Joe wasn’t kidding about this whole thing beginning as a quest for pizza. I need to rewatch that tease later to see what other hints are in it. But regardless, with the Blues and Reds defeated and Dylan offering to talk to the cops since they’re still wanted (and I imagine this leads to her and Jax’s final scene in S15), our guys have earned some R&R. It was honestly a nice welcome back to see them just bickering over something as ridiculous as where to go out to eat. It fits them so well and feels like a very nice welcome back after all the insanity last season. Things are slowly tingeing back to normal… at first.

Simmons notices that Donut is missing, so Grif sends Caboose to go find him. Honestly the fact that SOMEONE realized that Donut wasn’t there is a sign of improvement since it’s always kind of been a running joke that no one. Sure, sending Caboose probably wasn’t THE best idea, but it’s a sign of improvement! Then we get the… body horror scene… dear God that looked painful. It was still funny due to how oblivious to it Caboose was, but still… MAN. It wouldn’t have been as bad if it weren’t for Donut’s screams of pain. Man, Dan Godwin nailed it… and I imagine that had to HURT so kudos! So yeah… Donut vanishes to I assume the same place the time drill went since they use the same sound effect. I guess Donut will then ascent not Godhood since he is beyond the plain of space and time now. We’ll see~

So Cabosoe comes back empty handed and at first everyone considers going to find him… except Grif. He wants to get the Hell off the island before the cops get there. We’ll talk more about this in a little while but man do I have thoughts! So the Reds and Blues all agree on pizza with Sister tagging along. Carolina and the lieutenants meanwhile head for Chorus, Carolina to go check on Wash and the lieutenants to get back to what Jensen calls ‘interesting things’. So I assume that we’ll get some kind of B Story involving Chorus hijinks. Maybe if we’re lucky, a certain green mercenary will show up… I can dream!

This is where things get interesting as we then see two tiny balls of light. Muggins, who we already heard, and a female-voice done named Huggins. He is apparently a rookie as Muggins sends her to keep watch over the Reds and Blues and to both not lose them and to not be spotted. He meanwhile shoots across space and we get a REALLY cool intro sequence showing all the cast and the main crew members… though they forgot Geoff’s name for some reason (the Youtube version has it, so I assume it’s an error). Oops. They also don’t have Becca listed, though Sister isn’t technically a main character so I guess that’s why. Maybe in the future. But it’s really cool and the alien-esque soundtracks sounds so perfect.

Muggins arrives at what we can assume is the villains lair. IDK if this is an original set piece designed by RT Animation or if it’s an actual Halo map. Either way, it looks awesome. Dark, with a lot of red and black, but epic in scale. A proper villain lair. We get a glimpse of a green-armored soldier with a British accent golfing… weird. Anyways, Muggins reports to their leader who we only see partially. They have black armor and while they only say one word, it’s a… pretty damn intimidating voice. Muggins informs the leader that the ‘pizza quest’ has begun and therefore triggered the last part of the prophecy, ending the episode.

Review

While the episode is only nine minutes long, BOY HOWDY did it leave PLENTY to talk about. I guess we’ll start with Donut though. I have no idea what the Fuck just happened. It’s clear that the blast from the drill caused… whatever the Hell happened and we can assume form the earlier narration, that this was meant to happen. So this is definitely going to be important. Going off the promo material, where Donut’s in a kind of meditative pose, it seems like he’s going to become a God-like figure. My guess is that he now exists outside the realm of space and time, which is where I believe the drill now is. What will this do to Donut? I have no idea, but this is definitely going it be a lingering plot thread. And hey, Donut deserves the focus.

Something I also liked is how the Reds and Blues DID notice that he was missing. Look, they do not have a good track record of remembering either Donut or Doc. So the fact that Simmons relied it is a massive improvement. And I do like how after Caboose said that he was gone, Sarge and Tucker DID want to loo for him and not leave him behind. Grif convinces them not to, but still it is a HUGE sign of improvement compared to normal. And while they DID ultimately leave, I think it’s good that they at least recognized that Donut was gone and considered looking for him. It’s a good sign that they are growing.

Next lets talk about Carolina and Wash. So it looks like, at least for now, they won’t be in on the main plot. I assume that they’ll be given a B Plot revolving around Chorus, considering Jensen’s line about the going-ons there, but it’s too soon to tell. But yeah Carolina and Wash will likely be on the sidelines at least for now. Honestly… I an good with this! I love them both, don’t get me wrong. But lets face it, both have had a LOT of focus and attention ever since their respective introductions. Freelancer has been running the series for a long time now, and for good reason. But I really want to see the Reds and Blues on their own for once. S15 showed that, when they get their act together, they can operate and be formidable on their own with minimal Freelancer help. I want to see them have to deal with a massive situation without just having Wash or Carolina deal with it for them. I did like that Tucker plans to get Wash his own pizza though, just showing how much he cares for his teammate. You’ve grown up Tucker!

The biggest thing I want to talk about before we get to the villains though is Grif. Because his lines here are… interesting. It is clear that he wants to avoid any adventure, insanity, and dramatics as much as possible. When Jensen starts talking about Chorus, he says he wants to avoid the subject before trying to take it back. Then there’s the entire pizza quest thing. He doesn’t want to call it a quest. He doesn’t want to look for Donut because it would mean staying around and having to talk to cops. He calls out the others on how everything always has to be treated like a major production. He outright tells Sister that they’re not getting into anything crazy when she is clearly enthused about the idea. Now this could just be because he��s ‘hangry’ and also doesn’t want to chance getting arrested, but… IDK. To me, adding in the ‘new science’ line, it all paints a very clear picture: Grif wants things to go back to normal, just like he did last season… and it makes sense.

Some may say ‘wait, shouldn’t he be over this after last season?’. No. No he should not. Last season had Grif regret quitting because he didn’t like being alone and in the end, he DOES care about the others. And yes, he did willingly get into the thick of things when he joined back up. But here’s the thing, he did so because the others were in trouble and they needed him. But now that trouble is over.  Now there is a chance for him to FINALLY go back to a level of normalcy with the others again. It’s why he’s trying so hard to avoid talking about serious matters or refusing Sister and Caboose’s replies about ‘adventures’ and ‘quests’. He never got over wanting to be done with that. We never had any kind of scene where he comes to terms with the insanity that is his life, only of him having regret abandoning the others. So it makes sense that this is still a thing with him like it was last year. The only difference is this time, instead of quitting, it seems like he’s going to try to actively attempt to keep them out of any insanity. Will this go anywhere? We’ll have to see. But since the promo art just has him facepalming, I think this may be his character arc for the season. And since Grif is my favorite character and I loved his development last season, I am all for it!

That leads us to our ‘villains’. And I say that lightly because while they ARE clearly the antagonists, I… can’t really tell if they’ve evil. Going off Mugigns’ narration and report to the leader, it sounds like they are trying to prevent some kind of horrible catastrophe that the Reds and Blues unknowingly started. As for WHAT they are… well they aren’t human, at least not fully. It’s way too soon and we still know way too little. But I am going to assume that they are aliens and some kind of high cosmic order. One that makes the head of it essentially a God. Heck the names Huggins and Muggins seem to be based off Huginn and Muginn, ravens who act as the eyes and ears to Odin in Norse mythology. Going off that… yeah, we’re going full Thor here apparently.

The leader we can assume is the equivalent of Odin, the king God in Norse mythology. IDK if we’ll get a Thor and Loki equivalent…. unless the green guy is meant to be one or the other. But yeah, this means that this guy is scary news. It’s too soon to say who he may be, though I saw one person speculate that it may be Donut. And with the time travel stuff, it IS possible. But again, too soon to say. Though if not I guess that Donut becoming a God will be the key to beating this guy. Either way, the goal is unclear other than that a prophecy has been provoked. Whether they’re going to try to stop it form coming to pass, or make sure it comes to pass is unclear. We also don’t know what the prophecy is other than that the time drill’s activation was the first sign and the pizza quest was the point of no return.

So here is my current theory. As I said, I don’t think that the ‘villains’ are actual villains. Or at least they aren’t evil psychos like Felix or a well-intentioned extremist gone mad like Temple. I think that this ‘prophecy’ is going to make them see the Reds and Blues as the villains. So they are going to attempt to wipe them out in order to prevent the prophecy from being fulfilled. It makes them the antagonists by default. How that will cause time travel to factor in unless an attempt to kill them goes horribly wrong IDK. Still, that’s my current stance. Will it get cleared up? Probably and it’ll lead to the true villain showing up. Bu it’s still WAAAAY too soon to say, but going off Muggins’ worry it doesn’t feel like he and Huggins at least aren’t antagonistic. But we’ll see as things unfold.

All of this of course leaves a LOT of questions. What is the prophecy exactly? What is the catastrophe? How does time travel equate into it? How does the medieval scene fit into it? Is this based on any of the alien stuff we’ve had in the past? Is it something completely different? How does Donut’s current situation equate into this? What kind of aliens/interdimensional beings are these guys? Who is the golfing guy? Who is that four armed guy that we saw in the trailer? Is he with these guys? Or is he a different antagonist? Is he an antagonist at all? How do the Reds and Blues end up caught up in it? Are we going to learn the definition of shisno? There’s a lot of questions man! And that’s okay, it’s the first episode, we’re supposed to be asking questions. Gotta give Joe this, he left us with plenty to think about.

So the way that things currently stand is the Reds and Blues are going for pizza (and I assume that the ship crashes since we see them in a forest area in the trailer), Carolina is heading for Chorus, and the villains are beginning their own plans. What’s going to happen next? I honestly have no clue. I assume that we’ll be following the Reds and Blues still next episode and maybe they’ll discover Huggins, but I honestly don’t know. Way to keep us hanging Joe.

Final Thoughts

This is how you do a premiere! The episode leaves a LOT of questions, but plenty of laughs in classic RvB fashion as well. It uses it’s time effectively and while it was only nine minutes long, it sure didn’t feel that short. The scenes all serve as a nice welcome back, opens up new possibilities, and sets up things for our heroes nicely. Sure the medieval scene is kind of out of place, but normally in animation a scene like that is there for a reason, so we’ll see later. But the machinima and original animation were solid, the acting was good as always, the humor and banter were on point, and we have plenty of mystery to look forward to down the road. It also sets up potential character development for Donut and Grif, which is very much appreciated. It was very well done and I am absolutely craving for more! Great episode!

[snaggle-chamsae]

Afraid | Sungwoon

genre: fluff

member: sungwoon

requested: yes! 

summary: sungwoon is the best boyfriend you could ever ask for but you’re afraid that you would drag him down with your problems.

side note: thank you so much @gresthegreat for requesting this 💓 I’m sorry to keep you waiting, I hope this meets your expectations although i think it’s a little messy! do let me know what you think :> 

it feels like it has been a long time since my last update….. :/ school is almost taking over my life x.x

lethargic is probably an understatement to your life right now

you’re not only fulfilling your duty as a student, you’re also fulfilling your duty as a part-time worker

your life probably only revolves around study and work

what’s after school? work 

and what’s after work? school

the urge to quit your work is REAL 

but you know you obviously can’t because of your family’s finance 

your dad’s salary just got cut and your mom recently got fired 

since you’re the oldest child, your parents have high expectations of you and rely a lot on you

they think you’re responsible enough 

that’s why they made you go and work 

and of course, how can you ever say no right 

so you kept everything to yourself, no matter how tiring it is 

but once you see sungwoon, your boyfriend 

everything seemed to be much better

that smile whenever sungwoon sees you, will always make you smile too

your mood would go from 0 to 100 real quick 

his hug is just like an energizer, you feel so much better when you’re in his arms

since he is just as smol as you do, that makes cuddling 100 times better

once you’re in sungwoon’s embrace, it seems as though you can’t be separated from him

“why, why are you sighing again my love?” sungwoon said while he hugs you tighter 

you wish you could tell him the real reason but you decided that it’s selfish of you to share your worries with him and make him worry as well

yes you kept this whole ‘work after school’ as a secret from him 

as much as you wanted to pour your heart out, but no you can’t say anything

and thankfully after so many months, sungwoon is still kept in the dark 

you’re not sure if this is the best solution but

you would still go on dates with him and only on weekends

there are times where he would ask why can’t he see you more often

and you had to lie which you hate the most

you told him that you have to rush to your grandparent’s place to take care of them in another area of Seoul

it definitely hurts to lie to him but….. that’s the best you could do and not be a burden to him 

it’s 6pm and that’s the time where you guys ended school together 

and the time you guys separate 

“see you tomorrow sungwoon, i love you” you stood there and wave goodbye to him 

as you see him getting further and further away, you always hated this sight where you really wanted to run to him and be with him 

but obviously you can’t

usually after you guys part, you have to rush to work

your workplace is about 20 minutes away from your school and the reason why you wanted it to be far away because

you didn’t want your classmates to know because you are very sure that they would laugh at you being poor and you need to work

at the same time, you didn’t want sungwoon to find out 

so you decided that a cafe that is 20 minutes is safe enough to keep everyone in the dark

and when you start work, you would usually lose track of time until your manager says work is over for you

you are in charged of the drinks and you have to also serve 

although it’s kind of fun, but it’s really draining 

because you have to smile constantly and be there whenever someone calls you over

your work would usually end at around 1 am and most of the time, you would just sleep on the whole journey home 

before you know it, you got to get up 5 am to go to school

and that is basically a day for you 

while you’re on your way home, you saw a message from sungwoon 

“hey babe, shall we go on a date tomorrow since it’s the weekend and you don’t have to be at your grandparent’s place?” sungwoon suggested

“sure, why not!” 

without thinking much, you agreed immediately 

when the morning arrives, you got really excited because it has seriously been such a long time that you spend quality time with sungwoon

you woke up early to put on your makeup 

and you spend almost like 1 hour trying to pick your outfit 

deciding if you should wear a dress or just wear something casual 

and when you heard your phone ring, you thought it is sungwoon 

you pick up the call without seeing the caller ID 

“good morning my love- y/n!” a puzzled look appeared on your face and then you realized it is actually your manager that called

“look y/n, i know it’s the weekend and i really shouldn’t be calling you but we have an emergency here. one of them fell sick and couldn’t come today so could you come and replace her?” 

you sighed as a reply and you heard your manager continued going on

“please y/n, you know how busy the cafe can get on weekends right?” 

“alright, I’ll be there as soon as I could” 

that immediately ruin your whole morning 

to be exact, the whole day

and you hated how you ACTUALLY HAVE TO CANCEL YOUR DATE BECAUSE OF WORK 

“good morning sungwoon” you called him 

“what’s up, can’t wait to see me later?” his morning voice is one of your weakness but you still have to break the bubble

“sungwoon, I’m really sorry but I might have to cancel our date today…” 

“I have to go over to my grandparent’s place today even though i told them i have a date today” 

“awww it’s alright babe, we can meet another day! in this case, i will hang out with my friends then”

“i’m really sorry sungwoon, i will make up to you soon” you wanted to stab yourself for backing out 

“it’s okay, we can see each other again” with that, you hang up and prepare to head to work 

out of all days, the staff had to be sick today 

geez man

and you know how crazy it is during the weekends, 

as you entered the cafe at 10 am, people are already there having their breakfast

thus, you had no choice but to start working 

without you knowing, you have already work past lunch time and looking at the number of customers you have today, you immediately thought of skipping lunch

which isn’t a good idea because you already skipped breakfast

so you pressed on 

but your stomach doesn’t seem to be working with you today

your gastric is acting up and you know it would gradually get worse 

just when you wanted to take a seat, another customer called you

oh wells no break i guess 

time skip until dinner time 

your stomach is still having that stinging feeling but you can still bear with it

“are you okay, y/n?” one of the staff asked 

“yeah i guess? just a little gastric but i’ll be fine!” you forced a smile 

hours passed and it is soon 11 pm

you’re so glad that the day is gonna be over 

you can’t wait to get back to your bed honestly 

just when you thought customers would stop coming in, you heard the door opening again

“welcome-” you became speechless because you have never expected sungwoon and his friends to dine in here 

how did he even find this cafe? 

the both of you literally just stared at one another without saying a word

“ya sungwoon, isn’t that your girlfriend? what is she doing here?” you heard one of your friends whispered 

you have absolutely no idea how to react now 

before you know it, sungwoon grabbed your wrist and forced you out of the cafe 

the moment he shake your wrist off angrily, you know this is going the wrong way 

“sungwoon i can explain- i guess this is where your grandparents live huh” he pointed out sarcastically 

“why are you even working in the first place? how long has this been?” 

“sungwoon, look… i have my reasons for not telling you” 

“what is it that you can’t tell me? you know i can help you!”

in the midst of all these explanations, your gastric isn’t helping

and out of all moments, it just gets worse and worse 

“i just can’t tell you, please understand me sungwoon” you plead

“fine, continue lying then. i’m done” he gave you one last look and walked off

“no no no sungwoon come back” 

as you run after him, you could feel yourself losing strength and before you know it, you collapsed 

time skipppp 

you woke up all of a sudden, thinking that you’re still at work 

you panted while recognizing that you’re not at your house 

“you’re awake” sungwoon entered the room 

memories of what happened earlier on replayed in your mind and a feeling of guilt ran through your body 

“sungwoon, I’m sorry- talk later, eat this” from the label of the medicine, you know it’s for your stomach

“you should at least eat your meals if you want to work” sungwoon said while he leans against the wall, looking at you swallow those pills 

you nodded 

your mind is just filled with so much thoughts that you don’t even know how to start explaining 

“now would you care to explain why you couldn’t tell me anything?” 

guilt is practically eating you up 

now that sungwoon knows everything, you had no choice

“fine… the reason why i kept this whole thing as a secret because my family is having financial issues and i didn’t want to burden you by telling you all my problems”

“i know you’re probably tired and if i continue telling you all the problems i have, that would be so selfish of me…” 

you slurred your words because you have no idea how is sungwoon gonna react

and different scenarios started appearing in your mind

what if he leaves me?

what if he laughs at me?

you could feel your eyes start brimming with tears 

“you’re such a silly person, how could you keep everything to yourself and pretend you’re a burden to me?” sungwoon brought you into his arms

it’s has been such a long time when you heard such words 

“i’m always afraid that i would drag you down” you confessed

“don’t ever say that, you know that i love you and you will never be a burden to me” he pulls you close 

listening to his words made you relieve all those stress you have been facing silently 

you snuggled close to him 

“i don’t know if i should be happy that i found out this way… but please y/n, you know i love you and don’t you ever say you’re a burden to me” you felt a kiss on your forehead 

you finally smiled after a long time

“now, shall we continue with our date?”

feel free to leave comments in my ask or drop any random messages :>

[showingthroughtome]

spit fire - chapter eighteen

You said I'm steady playin’, you steady playin’ too

But then she listened to J. Cole’s album. The entire day was spent with her feeling slightly hung over but even more in love with the lyrics of the fellow North Carolinian. By 2 in the morning, she was buzzing with the words of Deja Vu in her bones. She had to talk about it with someone and could only think of one person that she wanted to discuss it with. So, ignoring any time zone discrepancies, she returned Harry’s phone call.

read below - catch up here

In December, Noa turned 21 and J. Cole released a new album. One of those things was something Noa had been patiently waiting on for her whole life and the other was something she should've been.

On December 27th, right as the clock hit midnight, Molly knocked on the door of the guest bedroom and came in with her younger sister - chocolate cupcakes and a tiny flask wrapped in newspaper comics in hand. It warmed Noa to the core to be remembered in that way. Not for years has she celebrated her birthday at midnight nor has she gotten a present so skillfully wrapped. She blamed it entirely on the thirteen-year-old girl she had met two weeks prior and not on her best friend of nearly three years. Still, they smiled as they ate the cupcakes and talked about the plans the older girls had for the following day.

Molly left just thirty minutes later and left Noa alone to rest so she'd be ready for all the alcohol they'd start consuming at breakfast - mimosa made by Molly’s mother were simply the best. And in the morning, Noa learned that waffles made by her dad were even better.

Farrah surprised Noa halfway through the breakfast, popping up behind her and shoving a bottle of coconut rum in her hands. The bottle was consumed that night easily, causing Noa to fall asleep in that guest bed with Farrah curled up beside her after mere moments of laying under the sheets.

She was so out of it that she hadn't even heard her phone ring the four times Harry tried to get a hold of her.

---

4 Your Eyez Only came out on December 28th. J. Cole dropped it out of nowhere, almost as if he planned it for Noa’s 21st. Waking up that morning, she had so many texts from various people screaming at her about it that she almost missed Harry's name on her screen. All it told her was that he called her a few times - maybe to tell her about the album, not remembering it was her birthday at all.

She considered responding but didn't have a clue what she'd say to him. She imagined her first interaction with Harry since their last phone call many times and quite frankly, she expected it to be at a basketball game weeks from then. She kind of hated the idea, but nevertheless, she felt safe in it. She felt like her heart couldn't be hurt if she held off on talking to him for as long as possible.

But then she listened to J. Coles album. The entire day was spent with her feeling slightly hung over but even more in love with the lyrics of the fellow North Carolinian. By 2 in the morning, she was buzzing with the words of Deja Vu in her bones. She had to talk about it with someone and could only think of one person that she wanted to discuss it with. So, ignoring any time zone discrepancies, she returned Harry’s phone call.

Harry,

Noa, it's like 7am. What's up?

Have you heard the album?

Yeah, course. You kind of brainwashed me into loving him.

Excuse me. Not brainwash, showing you the light.

Fine, you showed me the light and now I have a whole new album to be mind blown over.

Right? I don't think I've done a single thing other than listen to it. I'm pretty sure I haven't even eaten today.

What the fuck, Cherry? Go eat!

It doesn't seem important when songs like Deja Vu exist.

Ya know, I particularly liked that one too.

Bet you did.

Struck a chord, really.

Yeah.

The phone line grew quiet as both thought over the meaning of those words, of the words J. Cole rapped that told about loving a girl from afar even though she already had a guy.

Well, I just wanted to make sure you heard it.

I have indeed.

So then….

Nothing else on Harry's part.

I have to sleep now. ‘Night, Harry.

Morning, Noa.

---

Noa didn't talk to him during winter break after that. That entire phone call was a product of excitement combined with sleep deprivation. Noa woke up the next morning feeling so dumb for even calling him - because she knew she was hoping in the very back of her mind that he would remember her birthday, that'd he say something that kept her from feeling so lost from him, but he didn't say anything remotely close to it.

She wasn't mad at him for it or anything, she was just mad at herself for thinking that he thought about her like that after weeks of no contact.

Now, winter break is over and she's back on campus. The dorms opened the day before and Noa had her first shift back in the diner for the semester - something she has scheduled for three days a week so she wouldn't be so broke.

The fact that she doesn't have any money doesn't stop her and the girls from going to the mall. Noa is an amazing window shopper after all. She can easily stare through the glass into a store, see an article of clothing she'd love to try on, and then simply walk past it, no second thoughts held.

It only makes sense that she runs into Harry in the food court - somehow, he is intertwined in everything she does. When her thoughts aren't on him, he appears.

The girls spot him first, standing by the pretzel stand as Niall and Harry sit at a table, eating Chinese food and talking about whatever they talk about.

“You going to talk to him?” Molly lifts an eyebrow while grabbing her salt free pretzel, casual and disinterested as if she isn't all but drowning in desire for them to reconcile.

Farrah has no problem acting out her emotions, “You definitely should.” Her eyes are pleading and her lip almost pouts.

It took a few days but eventually Noa told both of them all about what Harry said to her, how she forgave him because she knew he did a shitty thing but even more so, because she knew him. She told the girls how she had to say no to him since her lungs were constricting with the want to say yes but her heart was aching with what would happen if he somehow got away from her again.

Molly understood without any argument, though she did voice her opinion - if you want him, get him. Farrah tried to grasp the concept of fear and uncertainty but ultimately she sighed out a long, “What the hell? You guys are so it for each other. You guys made up so how are you not having sex right now?! Damn!”

Noa hesitates in the mall. She looks around and surveys the area, checking for any other familiar faces. Then, she lets her eyes fall back on him. “You think?”

Grazing her teeth over her bottom lip, she contemplates if it'd be weird to walk over to him and if she did what she would even say. She can't determine a reason why she should even do it in the first place.

“Yes, girl.” Farrah rolls her eyes and shoves her shoulder. “Be friendly. You're friends, right?”

“Um, not really.” They've never really been friends. They were either bickering or pushing each other against walls, half naked, pulling for more than they could grasp. The remnants of those feeling hit her hard as she watches his strong jaw move tightly with every bite. “Plus, I don't have anything to say to him.”

“Fine then. Let's go.” Molly loops a hand through Noa's arm and begins to walk with her in the opposite direction. “No use in staring at him like a creep.”

The way Molly says it is totally a joke, getting Noa to laugh but Farrah to nod in agreement, “Yeah, it was getting animalistic.”

“What? Really?” Noa looks behind her, wondering if she was staring hard enough for him to notice again. Turns out she wasn't, but that final glance back catches Niall's attention. He points her way, casting Harry's gaze towards her as she slows down with the girls. In an awkward situation of not wanting to actually go up to him but not wanting to be rude, she throws out a stunted wave and smiles as he returns it. He gives a grin of his own, one that trips up Noa that much more. Noa wants to stare at it for a while - like that day she woke up before him and found him smiling in his sleep, dreaming up something good. This time though, she can't.

She turns around once the exchange is long enough to be considered friendly. And grunts, “Fuck. I hate this small ass town.”

---

It's almost exactly a month since the last time that Harry and Noa talk before they do it again. They have another class together - Kinesiology 240 - on Tuesday/Thursdays. As usual, she is in the room early that first day, watching as everyone waddles their way through the early morning. Molly pops in at 9:20 and sat down right next to her. Cara arrives 3 minutes later, sitting right in front of her. And even though the seat to Noa's left is empty, when Harry walks in two minutes prior to the start of class, he sits as close as possible to the teacher - furthest from her as possible.

Noa thinks he doesn't even notice she is there until the teacher makes them go around and say one interesting thing about themselves.

“Hello, my name is Molly and I once broke my arm after I tripped over a banana peel.”

“I'm Cara. I have seven brothers and one sister. We stick together.”

“Hi. I'm Noa. My interesting fact is that I have read every Junie B. Jones book out there, even the ones that were published like, only four years ago.”

An interesting fact was the thing Noa hated the most about the first day of class but once she figures out a good one to tell, she doesn't mind it. She doesn't even like Junie B. that much. Sure, she enjoys the stories but after realizing at fifteen that she had read 22 of them, she had to read all of them. It was an embarrassing but fulfilling day when she went in the store at 17 and came out with the final book of the series, if not a little bit sad.

She never told that little tidbit to Harry and tries not to notice his airy chuckle, though, she did assume he would get a kick out of it.

After class, while everyone is ruffling the syllabus into their bags and rushing out of the door, Noa stands around and discusses lunch plans with the girls. Cara and Molly both have a class coming up but they'll be free by noon to grab something with the cheerleader who only takes two classes a day.

“Hey.” Harry approaches from the front of Noa, slowly and with caution.

Noa smiles a simple, “Hello.”

And like they had practiced it, Molly and Cara begin backing away and splitting up to leave from doors at opposite ends of the room, barely greeting Harry.

He watches them with amusement written all over his face, and when it's just him and Noa, he jokes, “Wow, do I know how to clear a room or what?”

She can't help but giggle at the circumstances at which the two cheerleaders left. “Nah, they just have classes.” She reassures him even though she thought she probably should've let me soak in self-doubt for a few seconds.

“Yeah, me too. I should get going but I have enough time to say hi. How are things going with you?”

“They're good. Had a good break with Molly's family.” Speaking in monotone, Noa shrugs. “Christmas was whatever but New Year's was fun.”

“You were 21 by then.” He sticks an elbow out to catch her side lightly, raising his eyebrows and showing off those dimples she hasn't seen in person for weeks and weeks and weeks.

Him remembering her birthday would've made her trip up on its own but paired with the sight of him, the warmth of his presence that is lighter than it's been in months, has her biting her jaw and mumbling, “Yeah.”

She begins to head for the door, slow enough so Harry can walk beside her and their conversation doesn't have to end.

“Happy birthday by the way.” He nudges her again - with the palm of his hand lightly pressing at her shoulder where her thrift store leather jacket covers her skin. “I don't know if you saw but I called.”

She tries her hardest to remain unaffected even though she can almost feel him through all of those layers. Still, she can't help that her body moves the tiniest bit away from him, like it is protecting her from his touch.

Blinking several times, she recalls the morning after her birthday. “Oh yeah, I was pretty drunk that night so I woke up the next morning with a hangover you wouldn't believe and didn't even want to look at my phone…”

“But J. just had to release that album, huh?”

“Such an asshole for that.”

They get to the door of the classroom and he stops, getting her to turn around and look at him as his jaw drops, “Yeah right! It’s good enough that it got you to call me.”

“It’s fucking brilliant, okay?” She would've called anyone if she knew they'd have understood - it just so happened that Harry was that person. She doesn't like the look he's giving her now - a cheeky one that reminds her of ones he'd shine at her last semester. She's rolling her eyes and changing the subject quickly as she continues her journey. “How was your break?”

Noa can't see his face at this point because she's walking ahead of him, but if she could she knows she'd see a suppressed grin.

“Good.” He starts, then rethinks. “Well, mum was like how she always is. I don't think I went a day without her asking if I made time to practice but yeah, like, she wasn't too bad this break.”

That gets a genuine smile out of her. No matter what happens between them, she’d want anyone to have good time with their family. Maybe it's due to the fact that she's never really had that or maybe because she's less cold hearted than she thinks she is, but she beams, “That's so good, Harry. I'm happy for you.”

“Thanks.” Harry exhales as Noa slips a look his way. “How was your mum?”

“Um, I don't know. Still haven't spoken to her.” She walks out of the door that Harry opens for her and into the cold winter day. There hasn't been any snow this season yet but she really thinks it has to happen soon. For the sake of the damned polar bears, the earth needs to chill the fuck down.

Harry looks confused, a little shocked, then questioning, “Not since that one time?”

“I tried but couldn't bring myself to.” Noa admits to Harry in complete honesty, not even second guessing why when the next words roll off her tongue. “I saw her at the bus stop and she didn't look great. Then when I tried to go home for break, I saw her laughing it up in the living room and physically was unable to open the front door.”

Somewhere in retelling that small story, she feels her features turn sad. It is like a tangible thing that can physically be pulled out of her whenever she lets her mind wonder there. Harry has to see it even though she does try to cover it with a tight-lipped smile.

“I'm sorry, Noa.” He's shaking his head - reminiscent of a disappointed parent from an hour-long TV drama.

“Nah, it's okay.” She tells herself more than she tells the boy walking next to her. “I mean, I haven't heard a thing from her or about her in six weeks but if I don't think about it, she's fine.”

“Noa…”

She feels his hand again on her, this time a few fingers grasping onto her upper arm to slow her and get her making eye contact with him. Like a ton of bricks, she realizes she's acting like she used to with Harry. She's acting as if they haven't spent weeks without seeing each other and months without being real with one another. She has no clue why. She just fell into it out of nowhere, as if it is an undeniable habit.

It causes her to be flushed with embarrassment as she checks her surroundings - just to come back to reality and see that they're in front of the athletic learning department and not in his warm bedroom.

“Actually,” She shakes her head and clears her throat. “You've got to get to class and I have a bowl waiting for me in my backpack.”

“Noa.” Harry, confusion on his face once again, repeats as she starts walking backwards away from him.

“See ya around, man.” She smiles and waves and turns towards her dorm, ruffling through her backpack to find her one hitter with slightly shaken hands.

---

Speak of the devil and he shall appear... or whatever.

Noa is getting out of cheer practice for the night and her phone is ringing in her pocket but her hands are too full for her to even attempt to grab it. She's got her gym bag and backpack on and a couple of towels and a radio in her hands. It's not until she gets back in her room that she can pull her phone out and check who tried to contact her.

She hasn't looked at her phone in hours but the only notification on her screen is a single call from her mom accompanied by a voicemail. It catches her off guard since her mom is never one to leave those - but really, she's never one to call to begin with.

Noa thinks about ignoring it for a minute, maybe even deleting it before she listens to it. Then she remembers how secretly worried she's been and how grateful she is to know her mom is still alive. She swipes the voicemail left and holds the phone to her ear, listening intently as her mom's raspy voice sounds,

“Hey, Noa, sweetie. I was just callin to say hello and that I miss ya. I don't know where ya been but ya need to come on home and see this new TV I got with some money I won at bingo. I been real good since we last spoke. I know it's hard for you to believe but I have been. Swear it, sweetheart. I been wantin’ to call ya so when that boy stopped by today, it was clear to me that I had to. A young girl needs her mommy. So, come on now, visit me. I love you, baby girl.”

That boy?

Noa slams her phone down on her desk.

What boy?

There is only one that would do something like this - simply because there is only one boy that she talks to that would even know to go to her mom and of course, they had a conversation about her earlier in the day.

Noa lunges for the door, leaving her phone behind, speeding through the hall and running off the energy anger like that gives her.

---

“Fuck you!” Noa pushes on Harry's chest as hard as she can as soon as he exits the stadium, not moving him an inch. She's been pacing outside of the door for at least twenty minutes, building up that rage if nothing else. A thought to storm into practice crossed her mind but wasn't entertained for more than a few seconds when she remembered how much of a hard ass the coach was.

Harry's face was one of pure shock, not knowing what hit him as his friends continued on without him, leaving him to whatever he got himself into. Noa goes to push him again but he catches her by the shoulders this time and holds her back. “What the hell? Noa, chill!”

“Fuck you for butting into my life!” She shakes her shoulders so he’ll let go and backs away without losing any of that sharpness in her tone.

It comes back to him then - what he did to piss her off so much that she came to him with this much aggression. He grunts and advances for her, probably to comfort her, but now she doesn't want to be any closer to him than necessary to yell.

“How dare you go to her? You know that's none of your business.” She points an accusing finger at him, harsh like you would with a dog that's done something wrong.

“Oh get off it, Cherry!” Suddenly, he's the one sounding mad and aggravated and all together over her shit. His voice grows in volume until he's at her level. “You told me all about your mum, looking so sad and in need of a little help. How could I not do something?”

“It's not your place!” Barking back, she squeezes both her hands tightly.

“You made it that way!” He's dropping his gym bag off his shoulder and rolling his eyes at her. “You got into my fucking head and made it where I had to go make sure she was okay for you. You think I wanted to skip a class on the first day of the semester? I had to do ten extra laps in practice because of it.”

“I didn't ask you to.”

“You know, you don't really have to ask? When people care for each other, they usually do things to make sure the other is okay.” He laughs, but not in a friendly way - not in a way that Noa recognizes as the Harry she grew to care too much for. It's one of those superior kinds of laughs that people give you when they think they know more than you.

Noa takes a few steps towards him just so she can really get in his face when she repeats herself, “Fuck you. You’re such an asshole, you know that?”

Harry takes a moment to look her up and down, both of their chests rising and falling due to the yelling. Slowly, a calm smirk slinks across his lips. “I’m really not.”

Hate consumes her then - pure hatred for the cocky basketball player. She always knew he was this way and feels so dumb for ever spending six weeks thinking she was in love with him. All that emotion, all that betrayal manifests in a slight tinge of brimming at her eyes. Not due to sadness but just an effect of her anger, she holds back her tears and warns with everything in her, “Stay the hell away from me and my family. Don’t talk to me ever again.”

“Noa.” He's shaking his head and opening his mouth to say some bullshit thing, surely. Though, she can't allow that so she continues.

“One last time, fuck off.” She's backing away from him for the second time that day, except this time it's not because she was getting too comfortable again, it's because she’s never felt so much distrust in her life - not even when he kissed Nina. He yells her name a few more times but she barely hears it over the racing anger of her heart.

The entire walk back, she replays everything he said, every condescending word thrown her way. And she's just so confused. She thought they weren't ready for each other but now she's wondering if they ever would be? How could he ever think she'd want him to go to her mother? That's one thing she never wanted Harry to see and now he's gone and ruined that. He's broken that barrier without even letting her have a say.

Sarah Cherry was never meant to meet Harry Styles. Sarah wasn't meant to know how nice Noa was making her way on her own - she didn't get to have parts of Noa's life. And Harry wasn't ever supposed to see just how screwed up her mother is.

It's getting dark and Noa is staring up at her dorm where she knows she should go. She decides against it and finds herself on the steps of the library, feeling really sorry for herself about the boundaries Harry crossed. Instead of calling someone to cheer her up, she sits there for hours and swears to herself that she's truly and completely done with the guy.

Authors note: 

first i wanna say that i know j cole is mentioned heavily in this but the song lyrics are chance the rapper but listen, his lyrics are being saved for the next couple chapters.... the good ones.... the ones that get me in my feelings.... like seriously, go listen to deja vu right now!!! 

anyways, i hope you guys like this and i hope you let me know what you think! we are so close to the end. i have like two more chapters to write and then an epilogue. so 19, 20, and an epilogue!?!?!? wtf howd that happen! 19 should be out in like two weeks or so. hold me to it or i might forget. finals are in like three weeks so it would be longer. idk. i love you all though and i really do hope this story is turning out alright. TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK OF HARRY! is he the wrong one this time or maybe he was really just trying to help?? (im leaning towards the latter) ok! bye!!!

[lostandfoundstories]

Loss

I wake up and begin groggily sitting my body up. Nothing is as it seems. I was supposed to be dead. All of the online forums I had read said an entire bottle of oxy should kill you. I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to die. I know there’s life out there. Hell, I lived a good ten years before everything went to shit. I just knew that I couldn’t keep living like this. I even mixed the oxy with liquor to help me feel more relaxed. Why does God hate me? Maybe it’s not my time to go. Regardless, I sit up and begin analyzing my surroundings, or at least as best as I can. Everything seems too perfect. Everything is perfectly neat and tidy: my bed is made, my desk is organized, the oxy I took are nowhere in sight, the walls are painted white, and all of my clothes are hung up. What the fuck is this? Am I in a dream? Not even a second after thinking that, my door opens, and a man I’ve seen from somewhere before enters. It seems like deja-vu until it finally comes to me. He’s my biological dad.

...

I was incredibly close with my biological dad. He was before the drugs and thoughts of suicide. He was the dad every mom wanted, and what every dad aspired to be. He tucked me into bed every night, asked me how my day was, dropped me off and picked me up from school every day, packed my school lunch, and took care of me in ways I would never know again. He made sure I was never alone. I would’ve done anything for him, and he would’ve done anything for me. He was both a single and working dad with a kid, yet he never showed it. He was my rock and all that I needed in life. I never knew my mom, nor had I felt a need to know her. My dad did everything. If he was stressed, looking for another wife, or felt bad about anything, he never told me nor showed it. He wanted me to be my best and never surround me in negativity.

I was ten years old, and it was the last day of 5th grade, June 10th, when a police officer showed up to my school and began approaching me. He assured me that I wasn’t in trouble, and he told me to get into his car. Being an unassuming ten-year-old, I obliged. He even let me sit in front. After we were privately in his car, he told me that my father had been on his way to surprise me and pick me up from school early. To celebrate the last day of elementary school, he wanted to take me to the arcade and the Mexican sit-down restaurant that was my favorite. They found this out from reviewing texts he sent to his colleagues and friends. However, when he was on the highway, a car sped incredibly too fast from an entrance ramp. My dad had no time to yield or speed up. The speeding car, before anyone knew what was happening, smashed into his door which sent him skidding across the 4-lane highway where multiple cars hit him. He finally skidded to a smashing halt at the guard rail. When passing cars could safely stop and get out, they immediately went to his car and reported he wasn’t moving or breathing. He had no pulse. 

“He looked like a zombie,” I would later hear from a passerby in an interview on the news. Police and paramedics were called, and he was officially pronounced dead on-scene. The initial driver that hit him was also dead on-scene. Police never determined why he was speeding. 

“I know this is hard to take in,” the police officer assured me. Initially, I don’t even remember crying; I was just in shock. I had no emotion. The police officer put his arm on my shoulder like he’s a brother who just said he’d take me out for ice cream. I shoved it away, and that was when the crying began. I wailed and wailed while the police officer just sat there awkwardly. After around 10 minutes of crying, I began to lighten up; just small tears were slowly falling now. I had nothing left. 

“Now what?” I asked.

“I can take you to his body to say goodbye if you want,” The officer said. There was a small pause. “Only if you want,” he added.

“Please.” 

The officer took me to the morgue, and as soon as told me the room where my father is being kept, I broke free from his loose grip and bolted there. When I first saw him, I didn’t believe it. The police officer caught up with me and entered the room. The room was very sterile and bleak. The light was dim, everything was white, and I felt out of place with my bright red sweatshirt and backpack. The coroner uncovered more of his body. He showed his feet and arms. Ignoring the coroner’s warnings about contamination, I held his hand and laid my head on his chest, breathing in my last smell of him---the smell of the shampoo he always bought at the dollar store mixed with gravel and my tears. What felt like hours pass, and I finally sat my head up. 

I told the officer, “I’m ready.” He nodded, and we left while the coroner in the background talked about never doing what I did again.

Back in the car, he began explaining and thinking out loud about where I’ll stay: “Family services and my fellow officers have been wondering where you’ll stay until you’re 18. I know your mother didn’t live with you, but do you know if she’s alive?” 

“My dad never said otherwise. However, I’ve never talked to her in my life.” I respond.

“We’ll start there. How about I get you ice cream and take you to the station where you can meet her.” 

“That’s fine.”

...

My dad just began crying. Fifteen years had passed. I was now twenty-five, and he would have been fifty. However, he didn’t look any different than when I had last seen him. I couldn’t believe it. “Who the fuck are you?” I asked.

He replied in the tone as if it were obvious: “I’m your dad?” 

“Like hell you are! My dad died 15 years ago. What kind of sick joke is this,” I said. “I must be hallucinating.”

“I know Ollie,” he responded. 

“What? How do you know my name?” My name is Oliver, but my dad and only him called me Ollie. 

“I told you.”

“The oxy and liquor must be mixing in weird ways. I must just be imagining you. Get me out of this.”

...

I would spend the night at the police station. They left an officer to chat with me if I wanted, and they made it clear I wasn’t in trouble and could leave my cell if I wanted to. The following morning was when my mom and her husband arrived. I saw from the paperwork that their names were Juno and Jacob. They surprisingly lived pretty close; they lived just 5 hours east of Eugene. The only odd thing was the fact that they weren’t happy, surprised, or have any emotion towards seeing me. It was as if I was a stranger on the street, and they were only fulfilling their lawful duty to take me in. They took me to their home, dropped me off, and then immediately left without telling me where. I was ravenously hungry and went looking for something to eat. To my surprise, there was nothing to eat. Literally nothing. The cupboards only had a small bit of flour leftover from God-knows-when. Something I would grow accustomed to. 

The house was maybe 800 square ft. at most. It was in a trailer park full of drab brown dusty trailers and cars in the middle of nowhere. Dishes were scattered; stains were everywhere; clothes and books were opened on the floor; the overhead lights were burnt out; and the windows were partly cracked so when a strong wind blew, there would be a high-pitched whistling. It was worst at night. Being a ten-year-old used to a neat and warm room every night, I thought ghosts were haunting my room. I later learned I should fear the known more than the unknown. 

My mom and Jacob, I refuse to call him step-dad, were never home except when smoking, drinking, having sex, or doing drugs. I would rely on school food to eat. I wouldn’t graduate because of the $2,000 in my lunch account that racked up over the remaining eight years of school---I think the lunch workers only fed me because they assumed it was my only meal. They saw how I scarfed down what they gave me, and they listened as I asked for seconds.

A few days after the accident, someone knocked on the door. It was the same police officer who showed up to my elementary school. He had all of my minor possessions including my violin, books, and journals. He said that there would be a moving truck later today with my bed, desk, shelves, and armoire. I thanked him and he left. Just like he said, a few hours later arrived the small moving truck. The man driving the truck knocked on the door. I answered and he asked, “Where are your parents?”

“Out,” I responded.

“Well then, I just need you to sign here.” I signed his digital pad he held out for me.

“Thanks, and could you give me a hand?”

I’m sure he had other stops to get to and things to do. He’d probably be reprimanded later, but I think he saw the pity in my eyes.

“Sure.” While we were moving my things inside, my parents showed up. Jacob came out of the car first and yelled over the racket of heavy things being moved: 

“What the fuck is going on?!”

“We’re moving my things!” I yelled back. Jacob eyed the moving guy, realizing he couldn’t slap me in front of him.

“Fine,” he simply responded. I realized that was how life would be for the next 8 years. No one giving a shit about me unless I got in their way by existing. 

At eighteen, they kicked me out, and I left with what little I had and nowhere to go. For the last seven years since then, I’ve been couch-surfing and homeless. 

The last stranger to let me in had some oxy for an injury she sustained while skiing. She also had liquor for a reading group she’d host once a week. I definitely knew of liquor, but oxy was new to me. I’m not into drugs. The thing that got me through everything was busking with my violin, a pair of headphones, and an Ipod full of music I bought for $20 at a thrift store. However, when drugs were offered or sitting out, who was I to refuse? The last thing I searched was a Reddit thread on the effects of different drugs and pharmaceuticals.

...

My dad, or whoever the fuck this is, seemed to understand this without me saying it. 

“I’m so sorry. I’m so, so, so sorry. I never told you about your mother because I was trying to protect you from that,” he said.

“Yeah, I understand that now.” In my anger, I couldn’t contain myself. “Why did you have to die! Why did you have to go onto that fucking highway and leave me! Why are you here now!”

“I understand-” he responded, but I cut him off:

“No, you don’t fucking understand! I had to live in hell for the last 15 years of my life! God, why is this happening? Why am I dreaming this.” I begin smashing my head on anything to wake myself up. For some reason, I feel no pain. “Please wake up, please wake up, please wake up, please wake up!” I begin muttering to myself like a crazy person. My dad just flinches and watches in agony.

Eventually, he just says it as if it makes total sense: “Ollie, you did die! You are dead! This is the afterlife!” This just makes me angrier. I lunge to go and punch him. However, when I punch him, the part of his body that’s hit just evaporates for a second and reforms. He doesn’t feel it either. 

“What- what is this?” I stutter. 

“I’m telling the truth.” He responds. He’s stopped crying finally and sounds clear like he always did when I grew up with him in my first ten years.

“No- it can’t be. God isn’t real. He wouldn’t have taken you away from me” I say.

“Well, he is. He’s not what you think though. He isn’t a single person or being. He’s everything. He’s the cycle of the universe. He IS the universe. I thought just like you when I arrived here after the crash. I just screamed and screamed: Where is my son! Why am I here! Wake me up! Please!” He says. “I was alone in the arcade where I always took you to the movies. The only thing that kept me from going insane during those hours was the thought that I would get to see you again. My dad---your grandpa---finally showed up as a form of ‘God’. He gave me a choice because everything in life is a choice. When stars dissipate they can either become floating gasses that contribute nothing more, or they can form new stars. All of life has the choice to reproduce or not reproduce. The two choices were: I wake up and survive from the crash, but I wouldn’t have any memory of you or anything besides basic functions like language, movement, and math. Or I stay here and I see you from afar. I chose to stay because you were my only purpose in life. If I couldn’t remember you, why would I want to be alive?”

“Bull fucking shit.”

“Believe me or don’t. But I need to tell you why I’m here. ‘God’ has a similar proposition for you. He told me to deliver the news to you because I was the only one who you would believe and if he chose my form for themself, you’d see right through it. As we both see, you’re still suspicious. Doesn’t matter. The proposition is that you can wake up and survive from this drug overdose. Paramedics are currently trying to revive you. If you choose to survive, you won’t have any memory of this encounter with me or the afterlife. You will continue with the life you are living. The second choice is that you will die and reincarnate. You don’t come to the afterlife or see me. Instead, you are reborn into another life as a baby with no memories of the life you’ve led with me or your mom and step-dad. I’m only here because ‘God’ said I’ve fulfilled my purpose. That’s the only way you enter the afterlife and become a part of everything. ”

“I- I don’t know what to say or decide. This is all too much. God I’m never taking oxy again.”

“Choose the second option. Please. It’s time for you to put these last fifteen years behind you. Maybe your purpose will be done after the next life. I’ll forever have the ten years we had together. The ten years that made my previous twenty-five years worth it. You were the reason I stayed living. I’m so glad I continued.  You deserve to live those ten years again and more with someone else. I’ll still watch over you. Consider me your guardian angel.”

We’re both crying at this point. This is when I notice something. I look out of my window, and it’s a bird’s point of view of events in real-time. The bird is on the dead tree that stands outside of the stranger’s house. She seems to have come home from her job and called paramedics. I’m looking at paramedics still trying to revive me. They’re losing hope though as time goes on. My dad notices too and reminds me: “You don’t have much time left. If you don’t make a choice, you’re returned as energy with nothing. You simply become an infinitesimally small part of the meaningless energy of the universe. You may become a star or a moon or a planet if you’re lucky.”

I close my eyes, say goodbye to my dad, and silently think of my choice. The next time I open my eyes, I’m in a hospital room. I feel slimy, and the fluorescent overhead lights strain my newborn eyes. I have no reason to cry, but I find myself instinctively crying. There are about 3 nurses surrounding me. I hear one yell out: “It’s a boy!”

“That’s what we wanted!” I hear another unknown man to the side of the room say. He looks a lot like my dad. As I begin thinking of my dad, his image fades. This is what I deserve. In a few seconds, I don’t even remember what he looks like. This makes me cry even harder. Slowly I begin understanding less and less. The nurses wrap me up, and as they’re wrapping me up, I can’t remember what they’re called. Was it doctors? No. Maybe sisters? Once my new mother holds me, I’ve lost all words. 

[jaosh-logbook]

LOGBOOK ENTRY#1 PALAWAN

7-5-18

5:35AM — We are on our bus to Clark International Airport and we almost left Gina behind because she was late. I mean what’s good Gina? There’s nothing new here hahaha! Things are getting pretty exciting, minus what happened with those three taxis with Ryan. We also got a discount from the Genesis Bus for being PAL customers! It’s surely is an adventure for us. This is the first time I saw the sun rise while I am inside a bus, this is amazing. Pale skies turned into blue eyes and the sun brought back the colors.

8:30AM — Early birds! We took over a bench and made it our own beds at the airport. We’re still waiting for Ferds because he’s got our hotdogs.

9:55AM — My heart is pounding like crazy at this moment. Besides my ID problem, Clark International Airport just had their last call for team Gina and I still have the nerve to type this down! I’m really nervous and anxious as fuck because we might miss our Palawan trip. Worse, I might not even join them because of my ticket problem.

10:03AM — We literally bolted through the security gates like crazy heads running for our lives! The marshals are pressuring us even more and we were throwing our things through the scanner. It was so funny what the fuck hahahaha! Once done, we ran to our vehicle to our plane. We looked like casts from the Amazing Race Philippines and did the walk of shame for being late to our seats.

10:20AM — Finally on our plane and the adrenaline rush was still pulsing through my body. I got more anxious as the plane got faster, this was the first time for me being concious to ride a plane. Lucky enough to be seated beside my best friend, whose left arm was crushed by yours truly. Sorry Dust haha!

10:40AM — At 44,000 feet, my long life dream to be with the clouds finally came true and I got the whole zoo on my stomach!

11:20AM — We were picked up by a driver who seems to be part of the Need for Speed cast for his driving skills. Busuanga, Palawan already looks fine as hell with these views and the cold weather! Nothing will top Palawan’s greetings with its rainfall. Manila rain can choke. Everything’s going North so far!

12:30PM — Finally arrived at Ryan’s home and the vibe is nothing but warm and welcoming. Food is great. Like reaaaaaally fucking great. View is amazing and the people are so nice. His mom prepared a house for us to stay in. Yes dude, a fucking house. We all took our naps and recharged our energy for another adventure!

10:16PM — Ryan’s mom cooked us the best first dinner at Palawan! All fish and veggies. Lerma is already shaking. We also did some short grocery at the bayan where we met some locals, aunties and friends of Ryan. It’s a small town and people know each other. They are so nice, they always tell us to enjoy our stay in Busuanga. We spent the night drinking mixed alcohol from a blender and playing cards. Okay well they played cards, I don’t know how to play. Someone also cried and poured his/her heart out but I will never tell who it is. It was the best way end our first night, I think this trip will be nothing but memorable and definitely one for the books. The logbook lmao.

7-6-18

8:07AM — We are on a boat to Calauit Safari to meet some MOTHER FUCKING GIRAFFES. My heart is too excited, I’ve always wanted a pet giraffe since I was little but my mom said giraffes are not domestic animals. Yeah, sure mom. My first island boat experience was a cleansing experience. I don’t know why I used the term cleansing. It’s not like I dipped my face in the water or anything, It just felt like the wind is washing something from my past.

8:50AM — I’VE PET AND FED THE GIRAFFES. My heart was so overwhelmed I was smiling from ear to ear. Two giraffes ate at my hand on the same time. Their tongues are kinda rough, long and it has the color of an aged eggplant. Another life-long dream came true, I love Palawan already!

10:21AM — We left Calauit Safari and we are now on our way to a beach to have our lunch. At the safari, we also saw some zebras, monkeys, snakes, turtles, crocodiles and even a porcupine. Our tour guide gave us a porcupine spike as a remembrance for our trip. I kept it behind my phone for luck lol

12:53PM — We had our lunch at a restaurant by the beach called Palatpat. Our food was made by Ryan’s family friend, we ate and dipped our feet at the beach. The view is amazing. It was so funny because from a distance you can see a storm approaching and we did not mind it at first. After a few minutes we took lots of pictures before a heavy storm locked us in our cottages. We were cold and stranded so we just watched our videos from the safari. And also, we discovered that Gina called the giraffes kangaroos hahahaha!

7-7-18

10:29AM — This view of the ocean is really breathtaking. It was drizzling a little bit and the raging waves said hello as we arrived on the dock. We were supposed to go to the famous Black Island, but sadly the current is too strong. I honestly thought it was passable, but tita said our boat might flip and I honestly don’t mind that lmao

11:40AM — We went to the Concepcion Falls instead where I ate a lot of crabs and did not get sick. I fucking love it here. Palawan got me eating crabs! We also met Merissa, who’s a 22-year-old backpacker from California doing her research. She joined us in our stay at the falls.

1:15PM — We took a refreshing swim. The water was cold but it was definitely rewarding. I felt as if the falls was cleansing me from something I was hoping to be free from. But I honestly don’t know what it is but I feel great. Oh and my friends are simply the best, they make this trip extra ordinary.

10:53PM — Sleeping beside your best friend is all fun until he becomes this big scared dweeb. Dustin was so afraid of our ghost stories he squeezes himself beside me and grabs my blanket. He’s not really brave when it comes to this stuff haha! So of course we made fun of him and took advantage. A weakness has been revealed!

7-8-18

5:30AM — Shit! Shit! Shit it’s 5:30AM and I’m already running from Ryan’s house to the church here in Busuanga. I cannot be late for church so I ran like I’m running for the marathon of my life! It was so far and I had no choice but to bolt.

7:37AM — Ferds and Ryan waited outside the church for me. I was surprised to see them there. We went to buy pandesal for breakfast, went to a basketball court and back to the dock. At the dock I saw a sleeping dog under the sun that reminded me of how my Bella loves to do that back home.

12:43PM — We are on a speed boat to an island for lunch, it’s a place called Alfaro. Seriously, I’m still shocked at the fact that you need to go to an island just for lunch hahahaha! Man I hope I live here. Alfaro is at the top of this small mountain and it has a pool that completes the relaxing-island vibe. I ordered squid for lunch of course and it was delicious as eff.

2:46PM — We then took a dip in the pool and enjoyed the every moment Alfaro has to offer. The view at the top takes you to a new level of comfort and peace. I looked far away and I saw a nice place that looked like a private mansion on an island. We all stared at it and dreamed to have our own island one day hahaha! Wish we can go there but I doubt it. They played a game in the pool where the three boys cheated hahaha! We then washed ourselves together in a bathroom and I’ve exchanged sandos with Dustin on our way home.

11:30PM — We drank alcohol again and this time I wanted to get sleepy drunk so that I could feel well rested by the morning. Is that weird? Anyways, we drank and played a corny version of never have I ever and Ferds was so funny with his shit. I then realized that I woke up today at 5:30 in the morning and was so tired from our activities. I then decided to sleep early and ditch my friends who are still chatting.

7-9-18

8:10AM — I woke up with a little hang over (lol at my plan to be well rested) so I decided to do some exercise and stretch out a little bit outside our home.

9:10AM — Today we are about to go hiking to the viewdeck of Busuanga and I’m sure as scared and excited for this activity. Another first for me!

10:16AM — After climbing, stepping on slippery rocks, holding on trees and a couple of mosquito bites, we finally reached the top before the rainfall. The view was covered by the rain and a thick fog, 0% visibility at its finest! We were drenched and frozen from the rain so we huddled in one corner at the viewdeck and waited for the storm to calm.

10:36AM — The rain stopped and the fog cleared, the view of Busuanga was uncovered right in-front of our eyes. It was so fulfilling to climb and witness this view! We took lots of pictures and videos. It was pure and genuine joy for me. I absorbed every moment at the top, just self-reflecting what I have done for the past years and pondering what I wanted to be free from. I whispered, “Come what may.” before leaving the place.

11:20AM — We are now going down from the viewdeck and I think it is much more difficult to go down than to go up. The way was slippery because of the rain and it became more steep. Dustin and Ryan both fell on their asses as we go down and I managed to go down with zero falls. A King, I know. Do we stan? Yes we do. lol hahahaha jk.

1:50PM — After preparing and having our lunch at Ryan’s house, we went to our home and took a shower. We also took our power nap before doing our laundry and preparing for our fishing activity.

2:22PM — So this is what it feels like to take naps with your best friends during the afternoon. I felt like a kid who took a mandatory nap with his best friends, getting energized for another adventure. Dustin can sure get extra sleepy and baby-ish at the same time tho, I’ll give you that. Ryan went missing.

6:05PM — We were peacefuly doing our laundry while waiting for Ryan’s arrival at his house. We planned to go fishing after our hike earlier, but it’s getting late and Ryan cannot be reached. Out of suprise, tita arrived with a van waiting outside. Suddenly everyone was in a rush, it turns out we were going to Busuanga Bay Lounge and Ryan did not inform us! WHO’S SHOOK? BITCH WE ALL ARE. WHERE’S RYAN? WHERE ARE WE GOING? WHAT ARE WE BRINGING? THIS IS NOT IN THE PLAN, WE WERE SUPPOSED TO GO FISHING HAHAHAHA

6:30PM — After panicking, running and preparing around the house, it started to rain and we are now on the van tracking Ryan’s whereabouts in the town. Finally the signal returned and we were able to contact him. We found him in a kubo with two of his friends eating lomi. It turns out Ryan was not informed too and the signal was to blame for no messages can come through. I forgot to mention that there was literally no signal in the island, you are lucky if you encounter a place with a good reception.

7:11PM — Busuanga Bay Lounge - okay so this place is hella expensive. Like waaaaay expensive. I was not prepared for this restaurant by the dock or in other words, I AM SHOOK. We’ve seen this place from the Alfaro view the other day, this was the mansion we were admiring from a far! It’s funny how we were just wishing to go here the other day and now we are actually here. Breathing! Me and my friends were exchanging looks and laughing because of the menu and its price range. We were laughing because we are not used to fine dining, for Pete’s sake we eat at Hepa Lane you guys. That’s our thing, our brand lmao

8:01PM — I had this deep talk with Dustin out of nowhere after dinner. We talked about our separate plans after college, our time together and some more stuff we don’t usually talk about. I like it when I have deep conversations with people, specially this douchebag, because it’s rare. I was not able to say some of the things that I want tho, but I hope he knows how much he means to me as brother, all of them. Food was amazing by the way. It was worth the price if you were wondering

7-10-18

1:35PM — We made fishing rods out of plastic bottles, nylon strings and hooks for our activity this afternoon. We are finally fishing! We went to the dock and I picked up a rod on the way. They said someone owns it so I was worried I will be in trouble for taking it, but I took it anyway to the dock with me. Pasaway.

2:16PM — We were on the same dock where we were supposed to depart for Black Island. I recognized the place because of the mini tower at the sea near the dock. The only thing different this time is that the sea level is low and I think the tower on the sea can be reached.

2:31PM — Dustin caught a fish! He got so excited after his first catch. A master of the sea? Does this have something to do about Dust being from Navotas? The Fishing Captial of the Philippines. I don’t know hahaha but he caught a real fish alright! He even got the gang more excited and energized! I did not hold back, I wanted to catch one too!

3:00PM — It started to rain really hard and the rain drops were hitting our skin like pebbles. The wind and the waves grew strong but our energy grew stronger, we did not leave the dock. We continued fishing and I have felt so alive in that moment. It was surreal! Fishing during the storm by the dock made me feel no fear, I was unstoppable.

3:15PM — I have no photos of this moment but we went to the mini tower I was talking about and went back to fishing again. It was still raining hard and the dock was slippery because of the moss, it was an exciting adventure for everyone! We’ve felt so happy we don’t mind getting injured lmao!

3:45PM — After the rain, we went back to the higher ground of the dock and walked back home. I returned the rod I have borrowed earlier to the same place. Dustin was carrying his catch and the others were all tired and happy from our fishing adventure.

5:00PM — We cleaned and piled ourselves on the couch and watched Master Chef at Ryan’s house. Tita arrived from work with these delicious pizzas and pastas from her friend. I was skeptic at first on the taste but Palawan keeps on delivering surprises! The pizzas and the pastas were amazing! The flavors are on point. Others should take notes! We rewarded ourselves for fishing today by eating a lot. Like a lot!

7:30PM — We were still full from our merienda but we have no choice but to eat dinner because tita cooked crabs! I fucking love it here. Happiness never ends, and when I say happiness I mean food! We then realized that it was our last dinner together in Busuanga for our trip at Ryan’s house and it was kinda sad to think about. We ate our feelings that night, we were introduced to the famous Coconut Cake. Let me just get real with everyone here. You have to eat this cake before you die. It’s so good I’m not even exaggerating anything here! I wish I could take this cake home and give my family a slice. They’re missing this back at home!

8:40PM — Still full but it did not end there. Tita and Ferds opened these freshly picked coconuts and we drank and ate it all. It was delicious, it made Gina and Dustin go number 2 hahahaha! Tita is just the sweetest and most genuine, she wants us to rest early for our early trip to Coron tomorrow. That’s when it hit us that it was our last night in Busuanga with tita.

7-11-18

7:05AM — Tita rented a van for us to ride to Coron. I was seated beside Dustin and I immediately fell asleep because we were up so early. We left Busuanga with my eyes open at 25%.

7:30AM — We arrived at our new place and we prepared for our tour. We were not yet allowed to check in so I changed my outfit at the lobby. After changing my shorts, I saw the cctv camera pointing exactly at me and I screamed and we all laughed hahahaha! That was so stupid but I have no regrets hahaha! To Jasmine’s Place of Coron, please don’t leak me online. No one wants to see me that looool

7:55AM — We chose to have breakfast in a mini carinderia where they serve surprisingly delicious and tasty breakfast. For P85.00 I got one longanisa, one egg, one hotdog with rice and a cup of coffee. That was my first breakfast in Coron.

9:05AM — We arrived at the dock where we boarded a boat for our island hopping tour. Our tour guides are locals who are very good at their job and are very kind. When the captain asked for a volunteer for a picture, I immediately raised my hand and took the chance. He was good at taking pictures, even better than some of my friends hahaha!

9:43AM — Our first destination was the Green Lagoon. It was definitely a beautiful moment. The rock formation is really unbelievable and this view just takes you out of the zone. We took lots of pictures on the boat and we dipped in the lagoon and experienced the refreshing salt water. We got that vitamin sea game now haha!

10:19AM — We are off to our next destination and Dustin placed his leg above mine like he always does. He does this when he is too comfortable with the people he is with. I’m gonna miss this little things about this goof.

11:07AM — We arrived at the famous CYC Beach and we were told to be careful as there are sighting of sea urchins and jelly fish. When I got off the boat, I jumped to the water and swam the fuck away in fear of steppin on a sea urchin. Ain’t nobody got time to go to a hospital today, that’s not happening haha!

11:19AM — We were playing with the sand and I said, “Guys gusto ko na malibing.” My friends were like, “Same.” hahahaha! They all dug a whole beach grave for me. How supportive.

11:22AM — While they were busy digging, me and Ryan saw some beach dogs nearby and we immediatley petted them. I never imagined that one day I’ll be at a beach with some dogs.

11:30AM — My friends are assholes! They left me burried as our captain called everyone back to the boat haha! I had to rise up from the dead alone and run on water naruto style to the boat.

11:55AM — Our captain and his team cooked a lot of dishes for us. They cooked fish, liempo, some sea weeds, steamed veggies, oysters, salted eggs with tomatoes and more! Surprisingly, everything taste so gooood! Like restaurant-quality good!! And the most impressing part is that they cooked everything in our boat while sailing. THIS IS THE LIFE, MAN!

12:20PM — I think I’m pregnant after eating a lot for lunch. Patay-gutom jael was satisfied, guys. We are sailing to Kayangan Lake and they said it’s far away from where we are so we’re sailing for some amount of time. The weather turned cloudy and the vibe is just peaceful and surreal. I closed my eyes and listened to the waves splashing our boat before falling asleep.

1:03PM — I know I have been talking about all of the sights and sceneries here in Palawan, but the one above Kayangan Lake is THE VIEW OF THE TRIP. It made me realize that I have been living and doing a lot of firsts again in the past few days. I know that the past 4 years of my life has been a roller coaster, this trip is like a big pat in my back saying “hey, you do you. you did great and you deserve the world.”

1:40PM — We had the entire lake for ourselves. The water is so clear and fresh it is as if the Pokémon, Celebi, lives here. We have to wear our life vests all the time because the lake was very deep. We swam further and floated, just staring at the sky and thinking. I know I sound like someone from a book, but don’t you crave for that experience? just floating, flowing and allowing everything as you pause from the world. It felt like that.

2:05PM — The lake was covered with fog as it started to rain. Kayangan Lake started to look like a place from the Jurrasic World, I was really hoping for a big monster to come out of that big stone formation in front of us and roar really loud. I think I’m imagining too much but I have always been this way and I think a lot of people should too.

2:55PM — We are now on the middle of the sea again. We were looking through the corals below us and I can see from a far that a heavy rain was headed towards us. Everything was slowly fading as it goes inside the fog and the rain. I was outside our boat when it reached us and that rain felt gooooood for some reason. I went inside and we sailed through the cold rain back to the dock.

3:45PM — We thank our captain and his team for doing such a great job. I wish I could do what they are doing someday. Meeting and exploring with new people everyday is something I’ve always wanted to do. At the dock, we bought refrigirator magnets as pasalubongs. And yeah we cheap like that.

4:05PM — So me and my friends decided to go to this famous hot spring in Coron to cleanse us from the sea water right after we landed at the dock. We went back to our hotel to get some money and we did not even change our clothes, we were too excited.

4:24PM —