#but yknow. what else is there. what other evidence is there that life can be different. for me at least

[namikawa]

— [the perfect host]

featuring: s. geto, s. gojo

cw: smut, implied threesome, cunnulingus, implied m/m, phone sex (?), daddy kink (ofc), established relationship (reader & gojo), fingering, fem reader, chubby reader, getting “caught” masturbating, use of the word cunt (sorry lol), aftercare, not proofread fr, anything else i forgot lolz, pet names (mama, baby, pretty, sweetheart, love). wc: n/a.

notes: this is actually a fic my friend wrote (never published) & i re did it with two diff characters & finished it for her cause she never did… so if yall like it GO TO HER BLOG ILL TAG HER. this wasn’t my og idea i just wrote the smut and tweaked & added. but enjoy pls, sorry i haven’t posted in so long life has beat me up. @nvmjccnluv !!!

“so explain to me why i’m watching her again, she seems completely capable of staying in your apartment alone yknow.” suguru questions over the phone. it’s not that he hates you, but what if he was busy? he wasn’t, but gojo didn’t need to know that, he didn’t even ask to be fair. quickly dropping you off after handing the long haired man a small bag of your things.

on the other end of the phone gojo lets out a huff of laughter. “had a few things to finish up, she gets too lonely when i leave her at home so i didn’t want her getting into things. you know how it is.”

“i actually don’t, but okay man.”

“anyway, she doesn’t like many people but she didn’t seem to mind you the last time we hung out, you seemed like a safe option.” gojo continues, sounding a bit strained.

“okay, whatever, fine.”

“where’s she at anyways? if she was with you she would’ve jumped your bones to get to the phone.”

walking toward the the closed door in the hallway, geto chuckles before reassuring his friend. “relax dude, she’s in the room taking a na- holy shit.”

-

“what happened??”

the dark haired man places his ear on the door to make sure he’s not hallucinating, not saying that he’s hoping to be.

muffled moans greet his ears, but not muffled enough evidently. no, you wanted him to hear. he would have to pass by your room anyways, given that you two would be sharing a wall for the night. but him being on the phone with your boyfriend was just a coincidence, an extremely embarrassing one.

he listens to your soft whines and high pitched whimpers for what feels like days, though its hasn’t even been half a minute, paying no mind to the man yelling at him on the phone.

“SUGURU? ANSWER ME! IS SHE OKAY? I SWEAR IF SOMETHING HAPPE-” at this point geto tries to think as hard as possible to come up with a lie that won’t get him killed by his friend.

snapping out of his daze, he finally gets enough courage to respond, “yeah um i’m pretty sure, maybe i’m wrong, i think she’s uh masturbating.”

“oh, oh okay” suguru can basically hear a smirk he knows all to well forming on gojos mouth. “don’t be a rude host, go help her out man.”

what the fuck is he talking about help you out? he can’t be understanding that this is his girlfriend he’s talking about, right? on top of that, shouldn’t he be asking you for consent as well.

“are you insane man? i know you’re into all that weird shit, but her? she’d probably kill me before i even got close to the bed and throw my dead body out of my own apartment.” as nice as it sounds he didn’t know if you’d be okay with any of this. he wasn’t going to just walk straight in, right?

there’s a loud howl that comes directly from the other end of the phone. “are you really being this much of a pussy right now? i’m giving you full permission to go help my girl out, and you wanna whine about how she might kill y-”

“shut the hell up man, i didn’t say anything about being a pussy.”

“alright, then there shouldn’t be an issue with you helping her out. don’t sit up on your high horse and act like you haven’t thought about it before, i know just how those perverted thoughts of yours work, don’t you rememb-”

“okay okay shut up satoru, im going.”

pushing open the door, the first thing geto notices is your hand rubbing lightly between your soft thighs and how your wetness soaks the bed, clear evidence of how needy you were. how long have you been at it?

gojo can hear you so clearly over the phone, he might as well be in the room with you, “shit, is that her pussy i’m hearing? whats it look like?” he questions, but unfortunately for him he receives no answer.

suguru is too busy enjoying the view and listening to the pathetic little sounds coming from your cunt. his sweatpants are slowly starting to fit a little tighter than before, but he doesn’t make any movements yet, just in case you don’t wanna play this little game.

almost immediately your soft eyes flutter open and lock into his, and he swears he just came in his pants.

“sugi, please, it hurts so much,” you whine out to him, desperate for his veiny hands on you. your own hand never seems to falter though, only moving in more erratic circles around your sensitive clit; while your other hand is busy touching your nipples, trying to get the most stimulation possible.

knowing that you were just as needy for him as he was for you made the man’s confidence peak. he gives you a light smile as he walks closer to the bed, softly sitting down next to you. he leans over you a bit, close enough to where you can smell the minty, almost overpowering, scent of his shampoo. half his hair loosely tied up in a bun, the other half falling past his shoulders as he looks down at you.

“something wrong, pretty? those fingers not doing enough for you, right? don’t ‘cha wanna wait for your boyfriend to come back so he can help you out, he’s on the phone you know.”

his soft hands begin to work at your thighs, but it seems like it’ll never be any more than that. continuing for a little longer, he presses the speaker button on his phone, handing it over to you as you pull away from your core.

“can you hear me, sweetheart?” gojo asks, now finally getting some time to speak to you after being ignored for so long. “i gave sugi permission to help you out, okay? does that sound alright to you?” he utilizes the small nickname you’d given his friend, innocently coercing you to be good.

you give a small “mmm” in agreement. then, opening your legs, you grab at suguru’s hand and place it between your thighs, just barely touching your cunt.

gojo continues, smiling to himself on the other side of the device. “‘kay. i’m gonna talk you through it, just so i know you’re treating my girl right. take two of your fingers and stuff it inside of her, she’ll clench up at first but just keep working at it and she’ll open up, okay? maybe if you do good, you can have something too.”

geto lets out an annoyed breath, short, but just long enough for gojo to catch it. he knows what that means. what’s even stopping him from fucking you in first place? it’s not like gojo would know. but as he looks into your pleading eyes he realizes he’d do anything to make sure you’re content and happy.. even if that means listening to satoru’s perverted requests.

his fingers slide down to rub at your clit just a bit, before burying his pointer and ring finger deep into your cunt, you clench so tight around him, it makes him feel like he’s dreaming the way your teeth suck at your bottom lip attempting to hide your whines.

“cmon pretty, open up for me. promise i’ll make you feel good, okay?”

a throaty whimper slides from between your lips as geto’s fingers work you open. “‘s good sugi, please like that more.” you scoot down a little more, chasing his fingers to get even just a little more stimulation.

“next you’re gonna press on her clit, just a little though she’s a sensitive little thing.” gojo groans out, it’s obvious he’s taken a break from his work to focus on… other things.

“yeah yeah, i know how to use my fingers, asshole.” suguru voices, clearly annoyed. although, he still abides by the instructions and moves his thumb to press on your clit just a tiny bit. your back arches away from his fingers almost immediately, like a natural instinct, he grabs your plush hips with his other hand, pulling you back down. “nuh uh, c’mere sweet girl, you wanted my help you’re gonna get it.”

his delicate fingers curve upward into you and you feel as if you’re floating on cloud nine, the way he flicks them at just the right speed while managing to hold you down and deepen his movements. it’s all too much for him you.

the sound of gojo’s voice breaks geto out of his daze, “fuck, i gotta go suguru. i know you’ll take care of her. i’m gonna have to cut this shit short, i’ll try to come back later tonight instead of tomorrow morning. love you guys, love you baby, be good for sugi okay?” geto’s eyes immediately flicker to yours, and you see just a little bit of what you think could be fear, or excitement, in his eyes.

“bye daddy, love you too.” you whine out, hearing a quick click before the call ends.

“daddy?” he questions. “knew he was into some shit, didn’t know you were too, sweet girl. you’re too pretty and innocent, or at least you put up a good act.” his fingers slide out of you as he snickers, not ignoring the way you pout at the loss of stimuli.

“nah, not gonna leave you here all needy don’t worry mama, just gonna do it my way, that sound good to you?” geto grabs you by your hips as you choke out a small “yea”, pushing you closer to the headboard of the bed. he fully removes his hair tie and throws all of it up into a bun, swiftly grabbing your underwear and pulling it off.

you look down at him as he crawls closer to you on his stomach, wrapping his arms around your thighs and closing them around his head. you feel his fingers spread your cunt apart, licking a long stripe onto you. your body tenses up, and on instinct your hand finds its way into suguru’s hair, tugging lightly. his head perks up at you, smiling, but eventually just deciding to leave you be.

his tongue swipes over your clit, taking small breaths occasionally as he tastes your cunt. neither one of you know who this is really for at this point. he’s supposed to be ‘helping you’ but with the tent growing in his sweats he might as well be doing this for his own pleasure instead. you continue to take harsh pulls at his dark strands, so unfamiliar to you. mostly with satoru you opted for scratching at his shoulders or gripping at the sheets due to the length he kept his hair, but this, this was something you could get used to.

“sugi please, m so close, want it so bad, need you to make me cum.” you cry out, loving the way his nose rubs against your clit as he licks.

he doesn’t say anything, he can’t really, but you know he understands. he grips your thighs tighter, licking the same way as before, occasionally sucking at your clit, and before you know it you’re squirming all over his face as that familiar feeling rushes over you.

the only thing that suguru could make out of your cries were “thank you”, “so good”, and “daddy”? he wasn’t sure if you were calling him daddy or if you wanted gojo, but at this point it didn’t really matter to him. he pleased you and that’s all he needed to make him feel better.

as he lifted his head up from your pussy he could already tell how tired you were getting, he immediately grabbed you a change of clothes that gojo had packed and cleaned you up with a wet washcloth. “everything okay, mama? need anything?” your eyes strain open and you smile at the man standing above you, “i’m okay, thank you for your help. will you stay?” you could tell that he genuinely cared for you, and was worried he had done something wrong by the tone in his voice. him staying was more for him rather than yourself, not that you were complaining.

he pulled off his shirt as he crawled into bed next to you. grabbing his phone from the bedside table he saw that gojo had sent him a message.

“i’ll take care of you both when i’m back, cause i’m betting you didn’t take anything for yourself. see you both soon ;)”

suguru chuckled to himself at the message from his friend, looking down at you peacefully sleeping on his chest. maybe he could get used to something like this? but for now, he’s content.

[livmadart]

You ever think about how weird the connections Akako and Shinichi have to each other? She calls him some form of magic user when talking about him the first time to Kaito.( Seen both witch and magus of light and I prefer the latter because there’s a lot fun you can have with that, including the fact he taught his first year friends to start a fire with light.) They are both underscored with the same leitmotif in Magic Kaito 1412 there’s the joke in the manga that the “set” for their houses are the same and how is Shinichi familiar enough with her to know what she looks like and is a witch?(Ova 1. No it being a dream does not make it any less weird. Arguably makes it more so.)

Ohhhh that’s a lot of coincidences! Especially the bit about their musical scores, I think those are some of the most interesting storytelling details! Yknow what’s also another coincidence between the two? Witches like akako can’t cry cause they lose their powers, and a certain someone else was confirmed by Gosho as never crying…

Would be extremely funny if Conan had impressive magical abilities this whole time that he doesn’t use cause he is simply disinterested in them

Thank you for your ask and I’m sorry it took so long to answer! I think I’ve seen some versions of this idea floating around but for the life of me I can’t seem to find any evidence of posts like this……but I would like to shoutout all the other wonderful creators with this idea!!

[strqyr]

Yknow sometimes I think about how Ozma was visibly horrified by the task Light gave him, so horrified he collapsed. The only reason he came back was for Salem and when they split he defaulted to the task, purely bc I think he felt like he had no other purpose. Granted he worked towards it when he was with her, but definitely more as a "Screw it, I'm here, may as well try" and he was questioning it.

Like. Oz has such a complicated relationship with the task. He's obviously given up on it, and likely hates it, but in the beginning I think he probably wanted to believe it Might be good. But then he gave up on it when he found out Salem can't he destroyed (which was likely a last resort option for him), and later came to the conclusion that the task doesn't matter at ALL. The Gods don't matter. Remnant doesn't need fixing because it was never broken, and to him, this is his freedom.

Honestly, I really wonder what Ozma was gonna say in response to "We could've had freedom." Was he gonna say "I thought we already were"? Or maybe a simpler "I'm sorry"? Gnawing at the bars of my enclosure. Salem sees Remnant as it is as a cage with the gate closed. Ozpin sees that the gate is open. They have such opposing views on freedom,,

one of the very first things we learn about ozma is that he had been ready to give his life for justice countless times before he met salem, finding someone worth saving it for. like, he was a legendary warrior and he was alone, and for that reason i think his reincarnation is the key to his character, bc what if light had just made him immortal or anything like that that didn't ensure he was never alone? after the fight with salem, he would not have had any connection to the world—"that world just isn't as dear to me without her." is what he said when he first refused the task—so in his darkest moments, when he saw no point in any of it, i think the chances of ozma bringing the relics together just to end it would have been much, much higher than they ever were due to reincarnating, because then he wasn't alone, and each of his hosts had some kind of connection to remnant as it was.

there's also, like. yeah, he kinda worked towards the task with salem, but once salem went "let's kill the non-believers", it ended right there. that's not what the god of light asked of him; humanity was meant to live in harmony and set aside their differences, not fight amongst themselves. and while the general angle with the whole judgment deal is yikes, asking for peace isn't like. horrible thing to ask for lol of course ozma would be like "yeah, that sounds great!"—it's the "...or everyone dies" that's the problem; there's no second chances, he has to get it right the first time, and that's terrifying.

what that also meant for ozma is that once the split happened, him and salem were opposite forces; she wouldn't accept the gods return and thus would work to prevent it from happening, so in ozma's mind he needs to destroy salem to have any chance in favorable outcome. . . and then jinn tells him "lol nope" and that's that.

what else can he do? he's gone through two attempts at his task and both ended poorly; one went into a direction he wasn't comfortable with—he was a legendary hero who fought only for righteousness, this was never going to go well with him—and with the other he didn't even get properly started before it ended.

he found himself in a dead end, but over the years he's found peace in other things; the world is fine as it is. humanity does not need to be made whole again. ozpin made a collection of fairy tales that included stories like a man getting into a staring contest with the sun (and wins, but at the cost of becoming blind) and one of humans breaking the sun with their demands only to make a new sun, the old one becoming the moon, even going as far in his notes as to make it evidently clear the sun is a celestial gift from the god of light.

like. there isn't even need to read between the lines, oz has made it abundantly clear that he believes in this world's and it's peoples' right to exist as they are.

as for what he was going to say, i'm definitely leaning towards "i'm sorry" simply bc i like the idea that in that moment, ozma. . . he had been warned by light that he would not find comfort but only pain, but he didn't let that stop him. he still went to salem, but that's what's on his mind, and he's sorry, because it didn't have to end this way.

[nanatsuyu]

https://x.com/nanatsuyu/status/1660987055004852224 ELABORATION PLS ?!? 👁️👁️

oh man I haven't thought about this post in a while!!

When I'm feeling particularly masochistic I like to rotate the idea in my head that Kevin is aware of his part in the narrative and it /genuinely/ dawns on him some time before he graduates that Kayleigh's passing wasn't an accident

so I haven't read all of the ec, tsc or everything Nora has ever said so I don't know if it's been touched on canonically but I imagine it probably occurs to kevin rather abruptly one day that Kayleigh wasn't just in some accident when he was younger

again I'm running on assumptions here and what I know at present time, and I touched on some of this later in the thread, but it's too convenient of a death to just be 'accidental'. there's no real elaboration behind what happened and one of the easiest ways to get rid of someone and cover it up easy is a car crash. also everything comes in threes and having two other car related incidents with mothers seems a bit on the nose.

I don't think it's ever mentioned (feel free to correct me if I'm wrong I'm not an authority by any means) if Kevin was with her or not, and it's never mentioned whether it's suspected that she was worried for her life or anything in her letter. (I feel that would have been brought up if so. I think it just touched on who Kevin's father was and maybe something sentimental etc. feels weird for the letter to be kept around if it had incriminating evidence yknow)

i think maybe at some point in the back of his head Kevin realises that's a little too perfect for his mother to have just died, knowing there was an empire that was getting money out of it. she loved the sport for the sport so knowing her cocreator was interested in less than savoury directions with it would put some strain on that. (whatever relationship they had would beyond that is a bit up in the air but tetsuji seemed more devoted to his family business than any one person.) so the easiest thing would be to get rid of her, which I don't think is a hot take or anything? I'm pretty sure I've seen this thrown around a bit.

regardless I think it was something Kevin may have always thought about, but didn't Really consider until he saw just how little he meant to the moriyamas and riko. like yeah he kind of understood that to a degree growing up, but I imagine riko growing more aggressive with him maybe pushed that closer to his forethoughts that they weren't keeping him around out of just talent. there's gold star lineage and money in owning the literal son of exy, and while that's obvious to the reader, sometimes it takes a minute for things to register in such simple terms to people under all that stress, trauma, etc. maybe Kevin already understood that in canon in so many words, but then later it clicks that /that/ was a very intentional decision and direct action.

like he IS the face of exy. he is the tragic hero of a revolutionary sport. people eat that kind of drama up. and his life story may have been entirely crafted by someone elses hand. celebrities are a commodity after all. what makes more money than a poor orphaned boy destined for greatness, lovingly taken into the arms of a team and 'family' that could help guide that still? hell if they managed to cover up the raven problems by blaming them entirely on riko, that may even add more to Kevin's sobstory for fans and bring in even more money.

that's not to say Kevin isn't deserving of the respect and admiration for his talent and skill. that is all Kevin and no one can take that from him. but this niggling idea that someone laid this out for him, for everything to play out (mostly) to plan has to hit him at some point. there's something completely devastating about realising your autonomy is and potentially has never been your own, that destiny isn't really divine but instead made—but not by your own hardwork. even if all of the fallout after he death was a domino effect, wouldn't that be nauseating to know it was all according to plan?

[behaein]

hi, everyone! it’s just me (chaerin’s mun) back with a second muse! i wanted to bring in someone different, so unlike chaerin, haein’s a lot more spunkier and goofier! she’s got that firecracker energy, and she actually wants to be an idol as well. i have her profile page up, but anything else you need to know about her will be in this intro post. as always, please do like this post to plot or come bother me with all your thoughts and ideas!

before i begin, i’ll say that haein goes by both hailey and haein! it depends on whichever language you begin to speak with her. nevertheless, she doesn’t mind either one!

her background first: hailey haein oh was born in seattle, washington to an engineering professor and a chef! has an older and younger brother. all in all, let’s just say that hailey was the only one to not win the academic lottery! she was not as smart as her parents or older brother, and it became pretty evident that she’ll never be on their level! not to say that she got like d’s and f’s, but she wasn’t going to graduate in the top 5% yknow

her parents didn’t care too much though, and they continued to support her in trying to find something she’d like. has gone through gymnastics, was a cheerleader in junior high and high school (or at least as much as she attended), so she’s always been an active dancer! 

when she’s in high school, a casting manager from a npc company in korea picks her up and asks if she’ll like to audition. she does and they offer her a spot as a trainee. parents are glad she’s found something she can do and shift her off to korea! 

when she was training, she lived at a dorm with the other trainees, but her legal guardian was always her maternal aunt! a run-down of maternal aunt: always wanted to be a musician but her parents said no, so she became a pharmacist instead. however, she’s still super passionate about music so her and haein went along great

right before the group is supposed to debut, about three girls get cut from the lineup with one of them being haein. it’s kind of a shocker for her because she’s had a pretty easy life until then. plus, she moved all the way to korea, dropped out of high school (she found it difficult to juggle that and training together) and got her ged instead so like... what now? 

that all happened within the last three months, so now she’s been working as a part-timer at cgv, the movie theater, and she also does some english tutoring at the side. she thought about moving back to america, but her aunt convinces her to continue pursuing her dream!! dropped out of high school anyway so what’s she going to do back in america?

hailey agrees so here she is!! trying to debut somehow!! 

so timeline with years to break it down: 2002 (born) -> gets casted and moves to korea summer of 2020 -> trains until september 2022 where she gets cut from the debut lineup -> and then current day where she lives with her aunt and works part time jobs

personality: she’s super extroverted and goofy! simply just wants to live a good life, kind of lives the yolo lifestyle. up for being friends with anybody as long as they make her laugh. she sort of gets affected by the people around her and act the way they do when she’s around them! haein’s like slime, she can sort of melt into any situation and personality as long as it means getting along with those around her because she finds fun in socializing with people. you can catch her just sitting at cafes on her own, people watching because she thinks that’s interesting

possible plot ideas: people she tutors in english, those she meets at dance classes because she’s taking them to not forget how to move, those she meet at like a korean american community thing within korea, someone who likes seeing movies so they always see her at cgv and you share movie recs with one another, you can talk kpop with her because she loves her groups (esp girl groups) and anything else!! i’m open to everything, and haein’s a super flexible muse so!

[movedtodykedvonte]

Mmm, liked the idea of mysterious caller harassing and scaring addisons with weird notes

Does this au have the same ending for Spamton as the original? Is there any differences?

The caller is the true villain in this au. The notes are just one aspect of what they do~

This au is one of the play around ones. Like I probs wont write anything long for it for a while so like the ending is very open ended and varied in my mind. I have like 3 I juggle in my head but I never can settle on which seems the most satisfying.

Permanent cold case ending: Other than the environmental story telling and the occasional reference from npcs nothing changes. Spamton cons the fun gang gets a moment of heaven and then dies. His glasses do get put in the long standing memorial for him and the Addisons fully accept he isn’t coming back but still want to know what happened. Technically just canon

Spam mailed ending: Based on my idea for this au where big shop autos as a building still exists and Spamton is like actually missing/kidnapped by the caller. The caller leaves clues for the ads and police all SAW like along with evidence Spams alive without ever truly confirming it. Overtime the evidence becomes clearer but at the same time less likely that Spams is in good health. At least in this ending they do get him back… eventually… and maybe not all at once.

Dark Webbing: Technically just the au continuing forever, characters added and extra plot yknow. Corrupt people wanna capitalize off him being missing and so they make sure he stays that way. Kinda more traditional crime thriller where Spams avoiding actual attempts on his life/kidnappings and everyone else is trying to find him before it’s actually too late. Everyone gets involved with crazy things to figure out the best course of action. (A fave but not sure it’s the direction I want).

Overall this au is less “haha funny” more “haha woah”. Endings aren’t gonna be so straightforward or goal oriented and def not the happiest.

[i-saw-my-corpse-along-the-path]

Jesus Christ, I need to make some fucking friends, or find a partner, I need a person who actually thinks about me when I’m not just right in front of them or at the top of their mind for whatever reason.

It’s a frustrating predicament, people often indicate that they enjoy my presence and talking to me, but I realized I don’t actually have a single close friend that I regularly talk to (my beloved friends from the past are far away now, have their own lives yknow, and I don’t wanna hit them up just to dump… myself on them), and none that I hang out with. I live with my friend, but they’re more like my sibling, and I just don’t really think they want to/are able to really engage with my interests.

I’m a sad pathetic freak, and I’ve none but myself to blame. I fear I will never be loved and seen for my full self.

It seems like I just really struggle to deepen relationships. I don’t really know how to get out of it either. I do not enjoy going out and doing the things people do to get to know each other, it’s like I’m stuck in school child mode where I just want to hang out with people at their houses, but my roommate says that people need to get to know you before they want to do things like that. And also that I need to be vulnerable and authentic. I simply do not understand how to balance these things. How are you supposed to be authentic and let people know just enough that they trust you but also aren’t freaked out by you being “weird” or “too much”? Or ruining your life by saying something and being socially ostracized? I’ve also received feedback that I seem “fake” because of my general disposition that leans towards people pleasing. I know where to draw lines and I have a very set mind once I’ve made it up, so it’s not like I do anything to please anyone, I just don’t have many of my own motivations and desires (or at least not ones I feel are realistic / obtainable / appropriate / can actually help move you though life) so I mainly do what I can to help out the people in my life. Hobbies have mainly become my way to rest.

But what does that achieve? As far as I can tell, I’m a helpful yet vaguely unsettling presence. I’m either too serious (everything seems more important to me than everyone else) too hyper (oh but it must be what makes me sooooo funny! /sar people do say I’m funny but I feel like my bones are rattling and I’m getting swept away in a torrent), too depressing, or I give an answer that is “such a (name) answer”! Well. Yeah, I suppose I do sometimes miss the forest for the trees, but many misunderstandings/annoyances are because people want easy answers and I simply cannot! There are no easy answers so if I thought you were genuinely asking me a question I’ll do my best to answer thoroughly. And details matter too. It’s about balance and trying for Insight (like the Buddhist concept).

God how I want to just be content doing the things I enjoy, working and reading and artistic pursuits. I don’t really even know what I’d do with friends at this point, and that, in my mind, makes me an awful rot totally undeserving of the one thing I do want: a partner, someone who loves me for who I am, who chose me, and who wants to listen to me, someone I can shower with devotion and follow on their adventures, or be their home base to return to when they need to rest. I do not deserve this, as is evident. I would be a lead weight, dragging them down. A “sure, he’s really nice and seems smart but… idk” weirdo that makes their family and friends question their choices.

The thing is that you can play the game perfectly, say everything right, and none of that actually matters at the end of the day because people sense you trying and that must make them nervous or something. Your careful calculations, meant to make them laugh and smile, well it does that, but maybe it makes their skin crawl too? But you’re “nice” and “helpful” so they feel bad about it, they feel bad about you. People are nice to me, invite me to things they know I’ll say no to (but never anywhere they know I might actually want to go) and I think it’s because they feel bad for me.

It’s so much worse if you actually like them and respect their opinions too. With so many, they’re easy to dismiss, I know why they think what they do and I take their opinions with a grain of salt. Not so when I actually do like them, I actually do deeply respect what they think. You want them to like you too, to also care but if you try too hard it has the exact opposite effect. And if you ever let too loose in an attempt to become closer through vulnerable authenticity, you’ll get a weird look or worse. Even if it was appropriate sharing time, the darkness unnerves. So… Why bother sharing how you really are? But, shit, why bother with a pre packaged response either?

Everyone says you’ll find your people but what happens when you’re not good enough for the people you’ve already found, that you already like? How do you find the strength to keep trying?

I absolutely viscerally fucking loathe “going out” and doing anything outside of routine without a Special Person with me. I do not. Want to go out for the sake of it. I get absolutely nothing out of it, it makes me panic and I start to loathe absolutely every particle of the system around me and before I know it it will seem like everything is all twisted up with cruelty and pain, even/especially the people, and it just hits me how much I do not want to be here, at all. I may know that’s not true all the time, but really the only way I can describe it is that I feel like a traveling spirit that has been stuck in one world for far too long. It’s time to move on. But that’s not the case, is it? In the actuality of my personal belief, I’ve been given one precious life to experience, just one. No second chances. Aside from the pain that such a bad, pre mature death would bring to the living, I can admit that I want to experience love. The feeling of being chosen and cherished. It’s the only thing I’ve ever truly, deeply wanted, and it cannot be forced. It just has to happen.

I need patience. I need to get older, and meet more people, I’m sure. But I already feel so fucking bone deep tired, so wrecked, so wretched. I don’t want to just keep holding on, reminding myself that everything is always changing and that what I’m feeling is temporary.

What I want is to give in, not so much as give up. Quit trying, and act how I feel. But I actually think it’s important to consider how my actions affect others. The planet. The future. I wish I could just stop consuming somehow, float along and wake up in a new world. I don’t feel worthy of what I take in right now. And I need to say it: I’m really struggling right now. My skin may be clean, I may go to bed at 10:30 and wake up at 7:00, I may do yoga almost every day, I may hold a job, but not a bit of it because I wish great health for myself. Perhaps quite the opposite? I crave the sensation of ripped, eternally healing flesh. Smoke in my lungs. The cold and fear. Dark temptations indeed but alas. These matters are crucially important to being able to show up for the world.

I guess it just won’t ever end until I’m over, will it?

[greatshell-rider]

oh man. i am not all that qualified to talk about how disability in many forms is portrayed in inda and tolerated in varying ways in marlovan society but damn that’s a discussion yknow

we got inda being autistic, the stablemasters who can’t ride anymore, cama losing an eye at ten years old, the sierlaef’s speech impediment from since he was born. (there’s others im sure throughout the series but im under halfway  through inda and these’re the ones coming to mind rn)

portrayal of inda’s autism is excellent and his treatment by the other characters is mostly positive since often it’s advantageous to fighting and tactics. (in later books past the quartet we see how PTSD badly affected the remainder of inda’s life and also! extreme ableism/eugenics in his descendants and that’s even more to discuss)

but a line from tlennen’s pov regarding his son aldren just kicks me. “The king turned to his heir, who was so difficult to comprehend.” he sure as hell isn’t talking about the sierlaef’s stutter! but his failure to connect with his eldest son on a personal level . . . which i’d say derives from aldren’s disability. what connects tlennen to sponge is their shared love of reading and history and all that nerdy shit. he and aldren don’t have that. but they sure share a lotta other shit in common. ie. being born heirs to a throne. going through the academy as heirs. you know! and yet aldren’s “so difficult to comprehend”? bitch, he wants his father’s love and approval! dumbass! the sierlaef striving so hard for tlennen’s attention and pride provides evidence of just how little tlennen ever fucking offered it to him. little fucking wonder why he turned to the sierandael so earnestly, seeking some form of a father figure. this has strayed off the mark but aldren was ostracized from a young age due to his disability and due to the “beat up the kids” system the marlovans got going on aldren had no other way to go other than becoming a nasty cruel entitled little bitch. i can fucking hardly blame him! it was expected of him, and given to him, to take the abuse and neglect he received and turn it around on everyone else (read: sponge). gah

[anarchy-and-piglins]

For the reimprisoned AU, do you think Techno would take no one coming back after him for awhile (more than three months because Phil can’t read 🙄), as like.. betrayal? Like obviously not totally at first but if Ranboo can’t do anything due to Michael and Niki & Phil are in a hard spot with their life counters + the prison being patched, there’s a very slim chance they’ll be able to get him out on their own (idk maybe Dream pitches in, the whole “I owe you one Techno!”) but yknow. Like, after awhile, especially with being with no one else except the voices, would it start to grate on him?

And also, because I’m a sucker for this kind of stuff. Do you think Quackity would come back and yanno. Limprist. Finish up that whole giving Techno a matching scar thing?

I don’t think Techno would take it as a betrayal, especially since he’d also be aware of the impossible circumstances his friends would be facing trying to get him out. As you say yourself, the prison would have been ‘patched’ by Sam immediately. A place that was designed to be impenetrable in the first place has now been modified to take away the few flaws Techno exploited to get in, flaws he was only aware of thanks to blueprints lost in the breakout attempt. Niki and Phil would be at a serious disadvantage even without Ranboo sabotaging them (against his will but still). Techno might not expect them to break him out any time soon if AT ALL since he has personal knowledge of how secure Pandora’s Box was /before/ Sam reinforced it.

However the voices would definitely start grating on him and since meta-wise they can technically snitch on other people’s streams it’d be very interesting if they were somehow aware of Ranboo’s position and attempting to communicate that to Techno, but maybe they lack the full picture and it comes across as them telling Techno Ranboo betrayed him? Techno would probably not believe them but that seed of doubt would be there...

OR if we want to be really mean: Sam could be cruel enough to want Techno to think he has been betrayed, so he shows Techno evidence of Ranboo helping him but ‘conveniently’ leaves out the blackmail part. Heck, since Sam’s entire goal is to make Techno suffer as much as possible, what if we take that even further and Sam basically makes Ranboo his unwilling accomplice in torture. How long before Techno starts believing that Ranboo is in on it? How long before Techno starts believing he sacrificed everything for a person who doesn’t give two shits about him and thinks he’s a monster that deserves to be locked up? How long before Techno starts believing maybe Ranboo being in the prison and taking off his armor were all part of some big plan against him?

Dream pitching in is... a possibility? Kinda depends on if we wanna think he’d be loyal enough to consider repaying Techno’s favor. But he’d be hard pressed to work WITH the Syndicate since none of the members like him and Phil still has taken Tommy into his protection, and if they’re having a hard time as a team Dream alone won’t stand a chance.

QUACKITY, MY LOVE, I definitely want to incorporate him but I need to be on the lookout for his upcoming lore. Hasn’t he cut ties with the prison? Kinda? Bringing him back for some more good old techno torture would be TASTY but also Sam’s got that covered in this au (lol) and it’d be equally interesting to put Quackity on the other side for once. Maybe he’s realizing how bad the whole prison thing has been for his mental health and he wants to break the cycle of revenge and move on. And hey, what better way to do that than to literally break a guy whose guts you’ve hated for the longest time out of jail?

[kumzume]

control ft. tsukishima kei

wc. 1.5k words (and it’s still ass??? a crime)

warnings. SMUT, bad writing lmao, blowjob, whiny kei, (male) masturbation, caught(??) masturbating if you squint, also abrupt ending, way too much exposition, not enough hornknee

an. writing this was like pulling teeth and it is BAD 😀 i am having a writing crisis & this is just the nail in the coffin LMAO anyways this is for @bokuhub (we talked abt it on my main blog but im so sorry ajdhks maybe i’ll write something better later <3)

kei hates feeling out of control.

it’s the reason he’s kept the same circle of friends for the past 5 years, same reason he hasn’t changed his favorite dessert order for even longer than that, and the same reason he is terrified to let you breach the wall between friends and more.

it isn’t that he doesn’t trust you—he does, with his life—but you make him feel things he’s never felt before. kei has had crushes before and he knows that this isn’t that. never in his life has he been so willing to try new things, to meet new people, to give up the control he so desperately needs and it scares him.

he’s scared to become vulnerable and open himself up to rejection or even worse, the loss of your friendship.

so, he ignores it. he pushes down his feelings of almost-but-not-fully-love for you in favor of being close to you.

the closeness, unfortunately, is also a major problem.

growing up, kei had very few friends and even fewer romantic prospects due to his callous attitude and piercing words. he’s only been kissed twice and both of those were with yamaguchi (they were thoroughly unenjoyable kisses, the both of them being 13 and never having kissed anyone else before) but he isn’t exactly ashamed of his status as an unexperienced adult virgin. it just doesn’t help his attraction to you in the slightest.

he realized early on in your “relationship” that you are very affectionate. tight hugs, forehead kisses, holding hands, and cuddling on the couch while watching movies were all normal things for you to initiate with kei on any given day. and on any given day, he would dart out of your hold with a blush on his face and a half assed excuse with a large hand covering his crotch.

he didn’t mean to get hard. it’s just, you were you, gorgeous, kind, and funny and when your soft, small hand (oh god, your hand is so much smaller than his; he wonders how it would look wrapped around his cock) finds its way in his, it’s like his body doesn’t know how to respond so it sends copious amounts of blood to his head and to his crotch.

it’s embarrassing and uncomfortable but you never seem to mind, giggling behind your hand as he darts off to fuck his fist in your bathroom for the third time this week.

this happens to be one of those times, all these thoughts clouding his mind as he stands hunched over your toilet, thrusting into the tight ring of his hand like his life depends on it. all you had done was laugh and he felt himself thicken in his boxers.

kei shakes his head, his blond strands sticking to the sweat on his forehead as he chases his high in the comfort of his hands. kei hates thinking of the way you affect him so easily, his touch-starved body craving you like an animal craves water. but he just can’t help it. thinking of you standing outside the bathroom, listening to his self pleasure and touching yourself or even better, waiting to burst in and look down on him in disgust. it’s that thought that pushes him over the edge, his whole body tensing as he paints rope after rope of cum on the porcelain seat.

kei quickly flushes the evidence of his crime down the toilet before going to wash his hands in your sink. he can hardly look at himself in the mirror, the guilt eating up his spine. is he really that desperate that he can’t hold off masturbating until he goes home? yes. the answer is yes.

he sighs and leaves the bathroom only to run right into you just outside the door. his heart rate picks up in his chest as you look him over with a sweet smile on your face, your eyes lingering on his flushed cheeks.

did you know what he had done? were you going to curse at him? kick him out? or—

“cmon kei, you were in there for forever! we need to study, stupid.” he releases the breath he didn’t know he was holding as he follows you into your bedroom, watching as you plop down on your bed and lie down on your back. your shirt rides up on your torso, giving tsukishima a good view of your soft skin and fuck, he feels himself getting hard again.

luckily, you don’t seem to notice his reaction, your eyes trained on your ceiling as a contemplative look crosses your face. “i heard you, yknow,” you say, your tone light but kei can hear an undercurrent of accusation in your words. he freezes, his golden eyes darting towards to door, calculating how much time it would take for him to bolt out the door and into his car to never see you again and—

“i didn’t mind it. your moans are pretty,” you continue, your eyes finally resting on the man in question who looks about ready to sink into the floor.

oh. oh.

kei can hardly think, let alone speak as you rise off your bed and make your way towards him, your eyes holding a glint of something he’s never seen from you before. it only takes a few strides before you’re right in front of him, gazing up into his frames through your lashes as though you’re the embarrassed one.

one of your (small) hands makes its way to hold his face and he feels like he might die, his heart is beating so fast. you give him a small sweet smile that is in direct contrast to your other hand trailing down his body to rest on his belt buckle.

if kei wasn’t hard before, he definitely is now.

you don’t move your hand from its place on his pants as your eyes focus on his bright pink face and plush bottom lip worrying in between his straight white teeth. he looks terrified and you find it in yourself to feel a little bit bad about what you’re about to do.

“kei honey?” all you get in response is a high whimper from the back of his throat and judging by the way his eyes widen and his cheeks burn even brighter, you figure that reaction wasn’t quite anticipated. you can’t help the grin that spreads across your face as your thumb reaches to pull his lip from in between his teeth, the appendage stroking over the soft, bitten skin there.

you don’t consider yourself easily surprised but when kei pulls your thumb into your mouth, sucking on it while gently laving his tongue around it, you feel your knees weaken as a wave of slick paints your underwear. “oh baby... you want me to ruin you, don’t you?”

oh fuck.

kei did want that, more than you could ever know but due to the finger in his mouth and his pounding heart, he found himself unable to answer with anything but a nearly imperceptible nod. thankfully, you saw it and are more than willing to give him what he wants.

carefully, you lead him to your bed, the hand on his belt tugging him until he’s lying back on your covers, gazing at you as though you’re the only person in the world. you feel your heart clench a little at the implications in his eyes but you quickly ignore it to focus on unbuckling his belt.

he’s hard and leaking through his boxers when you finally remove his pants, a quivering sigh leaving his mouth at the cold air hitting the dampness above his tip. when you manage to tear your eyes away from his big (holy shit, was he always that big??) cock and onto his face, the look he gives you has your clit throbbing.

“yn,” kei whines, high and breathy. “p-please touch me- ah, ah, fuck!” his words (and thoughts) are entirely cut off by the sensation of your warm, wet mouth engulfing his dick. he’s so big, you can only take him halfway but what you can’t take down your throat, you pump with your hand.

a litany of curses and moans slip from his lips as you pull up off of him to suck on the sensitive head before taking him all the way back to the hilt. one of his hands jerks to your head to grab a hold of your hair. “holy shit, i-i think i’m going to—yn-“

with only that as a warning, thick cum spills into your mouth, so much that you nearly choke before pulling off of him and stroking him through his orgasm. it takes him a moment to stop cumming, his chest heaving with the intensity of his high.

once you’re sure he’s done, you crawl up the bed until you’re lying next to kei, one of your hands finding it’s way into his hair. his eyes flutter shut at the gesture while he leans into your touch, not realizing how exhausted he is.

with a kiss to the forehead, kei falls asleep, entirely out of control and entirely in love.

[popurikat]

Trying to make sense of parts of Future (Mystery Skulls)

Since my last analysis went so well I thought I’d make this post as well, especially because Future really did confuse me and I know others might be lost as well; so lets discuss this together! It will be lengthy as I am basically spewing my thoughts out right on the videos immediate release date (there will be a read more option after my first thought to avoid long positng). Well first things first, I wanna address that I've been curious about what kind of spirit Arthur's arm could be (since I am not too well acquainted with any canon on its background part at least) and I think I have concluded that the closest thing to it could be is a Tenome; which is a Yochai that possesses a man's body and moves the eyes to the palms. "found lurking in cemeteries, hands outstretched, as if he has only recently lost his vision and is searching for something. Get close enough, and you’ll find out in quick succession that a) he’s not blind, but looking with eyes embedded in his hands, and b) what he’s looking for is a snack." (fyi, most of my mythos information is coming from Wiki just as a heads up)

And sure enough he found a great source for his hunger. Something he has been EYEING since the start. Which now leads me to my next points on the video...

At first watch I was convinced that each strand found on Mystery’s heart represented a singular soul bond, I thought that blue was for Vivi, Green was for the hand, pink for Lewis, purple for Shiro, Yellow for Lance, Orange for Arthur, and black and white were unknown. Which, didn’t settle right for me. SO I went in and re-watched the clip a couple more times and saw this:

Vivi’s (blue created after she got hurt) and Shiro’s (white created after she died) strands were connected to the strands located next to them. A start and an end. Mystery’s promise to Vivi to stay at her side for generations as he was spared upon prior defeat of Mushi. And then of course we have the promise of power and sustenance for Shrio as they held a symbiotic relationship for most of their lives that was only severed due to an interference. These double strands of fate are especially clearer in the scene with Shiro in Future. As the black strand gets clearer the more she gets injured or emotionally hurt, it eventually leads to the leak of the white strand on her death. Meaning; Black/white=Shiro; Purple/Pink=Lewis; Blue/Green: Vivi; and Orange/Yellow: Arthur. And why am I inclined to believe Lewis and Arthur are apart of Mystery’s heart? Well that's because those two were the only ones fully streaming before Vivi’s and Shiro’s appeared. We know that Arthur lost an arm to Mystery and discovered his identity (ergo losing most of his trust in him) insinuating both strands to arise early on of his color scheme, as well as with Lewis’ death occurring under the protection of Mystery when they were grouped and having his soul go restless/ in pain. It wouldn’t make sense to add family members or side characters not included in the mainline story to this grouping unless they would play an important role in the finale, which isn’t likely since we have only one more video left as Ben stated it was going to be a 5 video series. I am also inclined to believe each person has two strands because of Kitsune lore: “ Kitsune keep their promises and strive to repay any favor. Occasionally a kitsune attaches itself to a person or household. They follow their word of honor. They become self-destructive if they break a promise, and when someone else breaks a promise, they become deadly enemies.” Plus, It would make sense as to why in this short battle Mystery sprouted his last 3 tails when it came to Vivi and Shiro and how their connections affect his power. (more on this in a bit) But, furthermore; if anyone else notices, the Band-Aids on the heart are also remotely located on the sections of Vivi’s and Shiro’s strands specifically because for both, Mystery has vowed to protect them and has failed. 

Now then lets talk about a few things on Mystery’s ultimate form shall we? The final form of a Kitsune, its celestial form as shown here is called a Tenko. (yes I am aware of the Kumiho, but that is a fully evil, flesh eating, 9 tailed fox that specialize in illusions and well Mystery has never been portrayed as human). The Tenko makes even more sense when taken into consideration that Mystery’s third eye (typically a form of wisdom connected to overpowering the mortality of ones self) opens. So how was this done in such a short amount of time? “Kitsune do not accept aid from those who are not willing. they do not ask for help, and as such, most aid must come from another's initiative. Kitsune are emotional and very vengeful. Kitsune will lose their temper at the slightest provocation. Once someone has earned a kitsune's enmity, the kitsune will begin enacting revenge that can become quite extreme. On the other hand, those who have earned a kitsune's trust and loyalty will see a friendship that can last through many trials. Freedom is very important to the kitsune. They do not accept being forced into something they do not wish, and do not like being bound or trapped. Doing so weakens the kitsune.” Mystery as we know is very much controlled by his emotions, going head first into things constantly based on reaction and his inability to control his power under distress. His tails arose in the fight sequence every time he fulfilled his oath AND used 100% of his form/power. Therefore, his tails grew because he wasn’t holding back anymore, not his grievances, not his appearance, nor his hesitance in his evident distress of being bound to two entities that both required his aid.  My last note on these images comes from a tumblr user’s reverse audio clipping (https://nebulous-rain.tumblr.com/post/633555549749952512/ok-so-yknow-that-one-reversed-part-of-future). The rewind of the clip of Mystery’s transformation plays “When I’m With You”, which yes, cool a possible Easter egg to the next song! BUT what is this song about? Let me just bring up the first line of the song: “You got me hanging by a THREAD...I wish I could turn back time...I wish I could rewind life...” and before the chorus “I’m gonna make it right”. We know that this can refer to rectifying the wrongs of Lewis’ death, but more accurately to do so we need to defeat the evil inside this mutt that is pulling the strings of this whole fiasco. And this might just be the intro portion of the next mystery skulls mind you as we’ve also gotten many false starts with the previous two videos where hellbent used “every note” and future used “enemies” alongside the main song. BUT WE HAVE TWO YEARS ANYWAY, WHY BABBLE ON ABOUT THIS. LETS MOVE ON!

Hearts in this series have not been just for identifying the dead or for aesthetic purposes, they are the life force of each powerful legend. I am actually surprised to see Shiro have a heart as she started off as a creation from Mystery and therefore her lifeforce is just his blood and without it she is nothing. I am curious about her color pallet though, her heart is purple and pink. Lewis’ is gold/yellow with touches of orange. And Mystery’s is just red, but it has a mix of everyone’s essence within it to keep it tied and whole. Shiro’s could be colored this way in reference to Lewis’ aid to help find her creator; which would explain why Mystery surrounds himself by color as he required outside help and how Lewis’ heart is yellow in reference to how recently Arthur helped him remember his friends/hidden memories. One thing we have learned about hearts is that they can be broken repeatedly and can be ripped apart from the body, but they can be repaired too through resolution/hope. Lewis restored his heart in hellbent by using Vivi’s flower petals and finding hope that he will get revenge, only for his heart to be repaired again through Arthur’s touch. Shiro may have withered away, but her heart is essentially not broken, she’d need Mystery to restore it as it was flung into space (and that again relies on Mystery finding his sanity and finding it in himself to even bring her back). And as for Mystery himself, he’s gonna need the whole gang to reach out to him to extract the parasite within and restore balance. I really want to know more about the heart properties and how they give their users their powers as well Vivi is able to summon her strength through a material connection (bat) that function in its own way as the vessel a heart does since its connecting her to her ancestry.

NOW to finalize, I offer you two queries:

WHO IS ARTHURS HAND REACHING FOR!? I know it seems like Mystery, but that would be counter productive for the hand demon if he has Arthur interfering with his control. Is it still after Lewis as we’ve seen previous times where his arm acts up only in Lewis’ presence and when specifically other “magic” is at play? If so, is the goal to ward off Lewis and Vivi from defeating Mystery? Is Arthur gonna use the arm to find his own power as we’ve seen when he is able to momentarily cease control of it he kinda ruins anything electrical he touches and well, electricity is currently running rampant in there.

and lastly, I am really curious how touch sensitive hearts are, We know that even the smallest of brushes can detect memory/links to the person holding it (as seen with how Shiro managed to get soul flowers in hellbent), but the fact that Lewis was so in touch with the feeling of Arthur EVEN THOUGH ARTHUR GRABBED HIS HEART THROUGH HIS METAL HAND MIND YOU!, that he still managed to feel the disturbance instantly. So my question is, is the touch sensitivity reliant on how close someone is to someone? I would like to say yes cause when Shiro touched his heart he didn’t react instantly, he felt her rummaging his memories and was awoken, but he didn’t kick her butt by fully reforming until after she had long since stepped on his heart and then forced the memory of Mystery to arise. But yeah, its a nice little detail.

Either way, thanks for reading! Feel free to add on, comment, or even dm me about more Mystery Skulls information and theories! Love to hear them!

[vistarya]

you know what. fuck it im sick and tired of tiptoeing around the jet topic so here’s my Two fucking Cents

yall are entitled to your own opinion. let’s get that outta the way.

but i will not stand for jet slander on this blog and heres the fuck why: yall will bend over backwards talking bout azulas trauma and how her psychology was a result of child neglect and grooming and how she deserves redemption because yall feel bad for her and everything and yknow what that’s fine. y’all are right and you should say it. but you do not get to sit here and tell me that azula, who threatened, terrorized and almost certainly killed to maintain power and perpetuated an imperialist agenda while exhibiting zero remorse or compassion for anyone ever, is more deserving of sympathy or redemption than jet.

because he’s what. a fuckboy? he’s sleazy? he was a traumatized, mentally ill 16 year old doing everything in his power to provide food and shelter and safety and a purpose to his family of equally traumatized war orphans with an enemy surrounding them on all sides. he was fucking terrified! yeah he was driven by hatred but yall don’t think he was equally driven by trauma-induced fear? yall don’t think that after years of making no progress in their efforts to free gaipan that jet — who has had no one else to guide him since his village was incinerated when he was eight years old, who has been the only thing standing in between the freedom fighters and the fire nation for as many years as they’ve been around, who is the leader that needs to have all the answers all the time in order not to lose everything — didn’t just finally decide to cut his losses and wipe out the town because hey, even if we kill some innocent people, at least the kids im supposed to look out for will be able to live in peace? guys im not saying he was justified or correct but come on! there’s a difference between an excuse and a reason and y’all are perfectly willing to make that distinction for all the other antagonists of the story! just because he’s not a hot girl who’s finna shoot you with lightning?

this is the guy that said eat the rich and stole food for refugees he had no reason to give half a shit about. this is the guy who tried to start over in ba sing se, the one place he thought he would have a shot at a life untouched by the fire nation, bc he knew that the only way he could get better was distancing himself from the war front. he tried to do right by smellerbee and longshot even in the midst of his neurosis by trying to get evidence instead of going vigilante mode. and y’all really just want to sit here and tell me that he’s garbage!! that he’s undeserving of sympathy!!! y’all im sorry but if you tell me he’s unforgivable trash i am not going to believe that you understand anything about narrative nuance beyond how much you personally liked a character and that’s really all i can say on the matter!!!!!!!!!

[twocubes]

Sso one thing that people like to be continuously relearning over and over is the way that like, even basic aspects of how we perceive things can be affected by context? Iss everything from like, smells changing when you switch labels around to colors depending strongly on other contrasting colors or shapes or w/e, to be interpreted, right

The interesting thing is how stuff like that interacts with like. Inability to perceive stuff. I mean for me it's just colorblindness but. Growing up, I was very stubborn about trying to perceive colors just as well as everyone else despite being physically less able to do that, and it sort of became obvious that I was using non-color clues to change how colors looked like to me to a larger extent than other people did.

I might have mentioned this on this blog before, but yeah, the most dramatic case was, I was at an art museum, with my mom, looking at a canvas painted a single color, and she asked, "what color is that?" And I said... honestly I forget. It might have been green. And she told me "nope, it's yellow" and it changed. One moment it was one color and then it was another. There was a very clear discontinuity in my memory, where the "qualia" switched from one to the other.

Thh point is. The evidence seems to point to this being how it works for everyone: your basic perceptions of the world depend on your understanding of the world, and you can alter your perceptions by altering your understanding.

This is true for very basic things. For stuff that would be classified as "qualia", right. And the understanding involved here can be very complicated. Yknow, stuff that takes a while to explain and might not come intuitively for a time. For this part my evidence is mostly, well, math, and how people start to intuit it eventually, and the strange emotions that emerge from that.

I mention all this because like. Every so often I'll see someone giving writing advice and they'll be like, saying that descriptions of senses humans don't have, or extensions of senses in directions humans can't perceive, should be avoided because they don't, like, evoke anything, to humans. Like they can't easily picture it so it's meaningless.

And it's like. I know they can do this. You don't have to spend your whole life trying to perceive a color you can't perceive to know you can come to picture it and get a rudimentary sense of what it evokes.

Expect more of yourself

[lyracasstuff]

Heya!! I actually just found your blog and I would like to say how amazing your writing it! Aaaa it's so cute and you seem very sweet!! <3

I came here to ask for a idv match up! I'm a female, she/her, I'm bi but I do have a preference towards men. Also, I don't mind a survivor or hunter!! Whatever you feel like atm dear. I'm very energetic when you get me in the right mood!! I love baking and editing! I also quite like photography. I'm a very loving person but can get cold if I feel bad so it's a bad habit TwT. I do give lots of compliments to people and it may seem like i like them but I just really like pointing out nice things about people. I love hugs and kisses especially!! I love it if my s/o could give me attention but not too much yknow? Like i want them to be happy with their life with me and their life outside of our relationship. Umm I hope that's enough!! Thank you for making your blog! It is very nice!! You're doing great!! I appreciate you <3 (ps. Make sure to eat and drink enough~)

Thank you for caring about my health dearie~ Honestly,, I could also say the same for you..(｡･ω･｡)

And I'm quite glad that you enjoy reading my blog posts! It means quite a lot for me whenever I hear people enjoying my blog as much as I enjoy writing them..( ´ ▽ ` )

After much thinking,, I've decided to match you up with...

Joseph Desaulnier!!📷

Let's first address the big elephant in the room: Photography..（・∀・）

Since the both of you love photography,, I can most *definitely* imagine you two taking pictures of scenery found in the manor..

As well as *some* of the silly things that happen outside of matches.. Although,, it's more on your end than Joseph's..

However,, I must also remind you that you WILL be bombarded with questions partaining to your "equipment"..(｡･ω･｡)

Whether it'd be a modern HD camera or your smartphone,, it's safe to assume that Joseph will be VERY much curious about these "equipment" that you have brought from the "future" ((even though we call it anything *but* from the future..))

"Are you telling me that this camera of yours can capture pictures instantly??? With just a simple press of a button??? Then, does that mean you won't have to stand for long periods of time to take your picture???"

((Fun fact: the first cameras that were patented require you to stand for long periods of time to take your picture which explains why plenty of the pictures during the Victorian Era were people staying in one position like standing..))

"This "smartphone" can ALSO capture pictures?? Would you mind showing me how, ma chérie??"

"The quality of the pictures are ABSOLUTELY DIVINE! From what time period must you be to access this kind of machinery, ma chérie???"

I highly suggest that you study your equipment thoroughly because Joseph *will* be asking questions about your photography equipment..

Well,, that and Joseph will *literally* fumble with *every* single nook and cranny of said equipment where he might actually break something on accident..

Which is rare for the gentlemanly and disciplined Joseph,, however we ARE talking about one of his biggest passions here..╮(─▽─)╭

Another topic here that is perhaps connected somehow is editing!!（⌒▽⌒）

Joseph is quite astonished when you told him one time that photos can be tweaked from your time period..

Now, on one hand,, he is amused as he sometimes *does* struggle with getting the perfect picture when the environment around him just isn't having it..

But he also can't fathom the idea of people actually editing their photos so much that sometimes,, the unedited version looks far too different than the edited version...

When I say that,, I specifically mean people who probably use photoshop just a *bit* too much..(^_^;)

Not that there is anything wrong about it as everyone knows.. After all,, sometimes we just use it solely for entertainment by making weird, abstract collages of people..

((Like photoshopping a bunch of characters from different fandoms to make some sort of crack-crossover movie poster..╮(─▽─)╭))

It just that Joseph prefers less edited photos as he believes that a photo can shine on it's own when it's taken skillfully..

((Another fun fact: Based from what I can gather, the French in the 1800s preferred a more natural look, which is evident by their choices in makeup like powder for the face or some simple rouge for the lips and cheeks.. Of course,, we are excluding the hair as we all know that big, elaborate wigs were all the rage in this era..))

In fact,, he might even throw a *little* shade towards photos that are super edited...(◎_◎;)

Pls tell him to calm down and not insult people who do something similar to that.. It'll only escelate and get worse in the future..

Okay,, now that we've discussed those, I think we shall head on over to other things, don't you think??（・∀・）

Another reason as to why I paired you with Joseph is because of your upbeat and loving energy!!（〜^∇^)〜🧡

Joseph's life before the manor was already pretty gloomy, and it hasn't really improved when he got into the manor..

So your very energetic and affectionate nature will surely bring in some lost warmth to his life!!（＞ｙ＜）

Although,, please be patient with him for at least a little while.. After all, him *suddenly* receiving love and attention is a bit overwhelming for him to process all at once..╮(─▽─)╭

When he *does* gets used to it, he appreciates it very much..(∩_∩)

With that being said however,, he is still quite disciplined about the time that you two spend together AND the time that you two spend seperately from each other so you won't have to worry about having your boundaries being meshed together..（・∀・）

On the topic of affections,, Joseph will actually be a bit shocked to hear you dish out compliments to everyone in the manor.. And quite frankly,, as well as everyone else that you complimented

((Listen,, we're talking about the Victorian Era,, where modesty is highlighted as a core value..))

I'll be honest in saying that for a split-second,, Joseph *might've* actually thought of you as a flirtatious person

So when you explained to him that that's just how you are and that you just like to point out nice things about other people,, he's confused..(^_^;)

"Wait, but you complimented Mike's juggling act. Shouldn't that mean that you would like to court him??"

"Didn't you tell Victor that you thought he was sweet?? Pardon me for asking this, but are you... Interested in him, ma chérie?"

You're going to have to explain to him that just because you like a certain aspect of a person,, that doesn't mean you actually like them AS A WHOLE...

He may or not have demanded that you bake for him the next time that you two will have your afternoon tea together..(⌒_⌒;)

It's his "apology gift" as he puts it...

Okay,, I know I said that Joseph absolutely appreciates your loving side,, but he also *adores* your more "colder" side..

And no,, it's not because he's a masochist..(｡･ω･｡)

See, as much as Joseph relishes in the feeling of protecting someone he cares/loves.. Even he can admit that sometimes,, it gets too exhausting when your partner is the *literal definition* of a walking doormat..

I don't know about you,, but I kind of picture Joseph as someone who wants to have a partner that, at the *very least*,, can stand on their own two feet.. It gives Joseph a sense of pride,, see???

In conclusion,, I personally think that you and Joseph would work wonders for each other!! Different in your personalities, but united through the same common interest of photography.. I'd say its a decent balance of "opposites attract" and "similarities attract"..

🎞📷🎞📷🎞📷🎞📷🎞📷🎞📷🎞📷🎞📷

Author's note: On the topic of people photoshopping the heck out of their photos.. DON'T HARRASS/BULLY/INSULT THEM PLEASE!!! I will be blunt in saying that I frankly do not care whatever your intentions were, because when you strip said intentions away from the grand scheme of things,,

All that's left is a situation where someone insulted/bullied/harassed another person just for editing their photos a bit too much..

And when you put it like that,, wouldn't you agree that it sounds idiotic? Because in all honesty, it is..(¬_¬) After all,, those photos won't be affecting you much in the long run now,, would they??

And even if you said that you did it with good intentions, the way you acted upon these "intentions" was poorly done when it could've been handled *much* more efficiently...

So in short,, pls don't harrass anyone that you know that does these to their photos, it's not only for their sake but also yours..( ´ ▽ ` )

I apologize for ranting like that,, however I feel as though these types of situations are completely meaningless AND avoidable had it not been for the people that continue to stick their fingers into others' honeyjars.. So I personally as though it needs to be said.. Again, sorry if this rant is a bit unsettling and a bit "rough on the edges"..(⌒_⌒;)

Well that's about it.. Until next time,, I'll see you all in my next post!!ヾ(＠^∇^＠)ノ💚

[transsexualhamlet]

asmr i psychoanalyze hide for fun

a lot of these are just stupid headcanons but a lot are also how i feel that’s just the way he is so

I know no one will read this it’s so very long but hello he’s my comfort character

(the words are under the cut bc THERE ARE SO MANY WORDS)

thoughts: It’s funny because most of the characters that I really love are just fucking idiots. So stupid. No thoughts head empty. And like at first glance you’d think the same with Hide, he’s got the look of a real dumbass, but he’s actually a really smart person? He just kind of, hides it. He did say he was like allergic to books once (it’s the adhd, king) but that doesn’t change the fact that he emotionally is actually a very intelligent person. It’s something he’s humble about because I don’t believe he really identifies with the intellectual crowd or sees himself as particularly above average, he just finds it easy to understand things. And he doesn’t ever use it for his own advantage even when it would be totally fine to do so, he pretty much always uses it to help other people and I think he believes if he used his strengths to help himself it would be, like, selfish. Which is a problem of his.

gemder n brand of gay: A lot of people in yonder Fandom like to see kaneki as bi and hide as gay but nah fam you’re off. Honestly I do not care about his Date With Rize in the slightest, that man is a homosexual. Hide is the bi one. (it’s not like this is a requirement or anything lmao i am just Saying also i’m bi and i’m projecting) I can also say with confidence that date with Rize was the only date Kaneki’s ever been on and he was definitely lying to himself. (i just, don’t know how you could look at Haise specifically and for one second think he has ever seen a boob) Hide’s the one who’s probably dated people before and he actually knows what’s attractive, he probably just doesn’t discuss that a lot with Kaneki since the bitch is Closeted and hide knows this. It’s funny because Hide canonically has two dads. Like I think that kind of explains him tbh. Bitch has good parents??? He’s the only one but we love him for it. U know Kaneki spent more of his life at Hide’s house than his own.

And as to gender, like obviously hide’s a guy, but i think he’s one of the few cisgenders who could like... tell you why. He’s well versed in those kinds of issues and has just thought about it a lot I guess? He’s comfortable in his skin and with a conventionally masculine appearance but he could tell you what Boy TM means other than yo macho man dude bro guy

personality type- ENFP-T: I took the fucking test for him and it was like... so easy. Took me ten minutes. 

basically what this means is it just calls him out as a fucken loud ass sunshine boy who has very many emotion and cares way too much about his friend

love how this part of the description describes kaneki and hide perfectly

biggest strength: he’s so good at helping people?? Like I can honestly say if some random person started rambling about their relationship issues to him I’d give him 10 minutes before he had a perfect solution, he had the person crying and being comforted in just the right way. He’s the perfect medium of confident and caring and he’s not just a fucking ray of sunshine on accident, he’s like, mob psycho 100 style actively working to be nice and compassionate. He’s very aware of how his actions affect people and he always knows just the right thing to say, what to do, when to just let things go or when to say them. And Hide will forgive, literally anything, even if someone does something really shitty to him he’ll realize it’s the product of like, unresolved mental issues or something and seek to fix it instead of cutting the person off. It’s... really good for everyone around him. But well,,, not great for him, see below.

biggest weakness: bitch does nOT leave room for himself. Although he is generally a confident person and isn’t very insecure, he knows he’s giving too much of himself and simply ‘pretend i do not see it but in reality i do’. He’s never put himself first and feels more worthy when he makes someone else happy, and it’s really not that visible but it can take a pretty big toll on him. He’ll feel anger and frustration for his problems but eventually he will end up blaming himself for anything that goes wrong and will just resolve to Try Harder. (which, mood) He does problem solve well and he tries to come up with the best solutions to issues but the fact is he just does not prioritize his own happiness within those solutions. He gives too much and it’s fucking killing him.

what he likes most about himself: Although he does have issues obviously, I don’t see Hide as someone who has particularly low esteem of himself. I think he pretty much thinks he has himself figured out and therefore other people’s problems come first. He generally does, think fondly of himself, because most of the time he can fix people’s problems so he’s yknow, a good person. I think he likes his ability to enjoy life and live in the moment, and he likes his connections and friendships with other people. He values emotional connection and he likes that he can easily create and enjoy good vibes. He loves being the one who everyone just... goes to for a good time.

favorite things: I think I heard somewhere that he enjoys dumb american bands without really understanding what they’re saying which seems very on brand for him, but I’m gonna perscribe him some other stuff too. Obviously he likes bright colors and comic books, and places where he can have fun with other people. He generally likes college, even though it’s like, school, and unlike kaneki he actually had a good childhood and he enjoys the places he spent time and formed good memories, he has Nostalgia TM (see unbelievable by owl city hmmm he vibes to that he was born in 1996 or something right i can’t google things) he also just really likes to just, fix other people’s problems but we’ve covered that. 

what he’s doing right and what he’s doing wrong: Hide is doing his best. He’s no less flawed than any of the other characters in tokyo ghoul, it’s just that his strategies tend to involve 100% less murder. Ok no, let me rephrase that, Hide is flawed, but i meant like emotionally, he’s not a war criminal like everyone else. He may seem at first glance like, just, perfect? Sorry for being a simp lmao but I feel like from the outside he’s just got it all together right? He knows what he’s doing and he’s super nice and helpful and smart and humble and just doesn’t have any visible flaws? He... tends to hide any evidence that he would ever be struggling. And that’s not very sexy of him. He feels it would be a burden on others to show pain or ever say he can’t take something on (if someone asked him to do something he’d do it even if he was already mentally at capacity etc) and that’s something he needs to work on. The good thing is that if they got to a point where after Kaneki’s Character Development they got to just... like, be happy and not be separated and everything Kaneki would be good for him because he compliments that. Hide helps him because he needs a lot of like, mental counseling lmao but now that Kaneki’s gone through a lot of that his eyes have been opened more to the fact that Hide hides his problems from Kaneki so if they could just bE HAPPY this is an issue that could be resolved

insecurities: I think Hide kind of believes he’s not allowed to be sad. Cause it’s like, not his job. He’s the source of happiness for everyone else, supposed to have everything together so he can fix everyone else’s problems. he’s not allowed to be in pain or feel bad for himself even though he knows “Boys Can Cry” it’s like, yes boys can cry, not me tho haha lmao it’s not about his masculinity it’s just he’s like “yeah but kaneki’s had it worse” so like if he finds himself in a bad place, he feels inadequate and like... fundametally broken. and it’s. Like. I felt that but also like king that’s not how it works

goal in life: I think he wouldn’t really be able to answer that question. What the truth would be is that he probably wants to do something grand and important that helps a lot of people and kind of changes the world. But he might not really think of it that way, since he’s usually focused more on smaller more isolated issues and he has no idea what he wants to do as a career. He admires activists and people who put themselves at risk but it probably makes him feel inferior that someone else is Doing Something About This Big Problem and he’s just sitting there riding around on his bisexual bike and being in college. (I’d like to say he’s probably changed majors at least a few times,,, that man was like “oh yeah lmao i’m gonna be a comic book artist” but someone said something about how he’s a good therapist and he’s like “brb kinshift i am now a psychology major” lmao.) (hello i am projecting but i’m right) He sees a tumblr post about some issue somewhere and he hyperfixates on it for days until he sees another post about something worse it’s an issue. But I think what he ended up doing was what he wanted to, even if he never recieved any recognition for it the internal sense that he was doing something Right TM in the eyes of history would probably make him cry

how he was raised: I can’t really say much to this because there’s barely any canon on this and the canon that does exist I have completely ignored other than the fact that he has two dads. Bro tbh? He didn’t need any tragic emo backstory I think he had a great childhood. Honestly he’s probably a rich kid. Not super rich but he’s not struggling man. Not gonna lie to you I think the only reason he went to Kamii was because he wanted to be at the same college as Kaneki who probably got a scholarship. Hide, didn’t. (it’s not like he’s not intelligent but I don’t really think that his grades are his biggest priority, the only time he ever pays attention in class is to give kaneki the answers when he’s gone) 

What irks me about the random lore drop in the last chapter about him having a CCG dad that died or whatever- it kind of ruins the whole point for me. Personally I choose to believe he had nothing whatsoever to do with ghouls or the ccg before all that happened to Kaneki. He probably had correct opinions on them, but only like, in theory, it’s like straight people that are like “yeah ofc gay ppl valid” but they’ve never really had any personal experience with any. So when he gets involved in that- the fact is that the only reason he was... was bc of kaneki. It was never more complicated than that to me. YKNOW, SOME PEOPLE ARE JUST, NICE, OK? 

And I think for me that the fact that he could actively choose to be nice and be aware of all these problems when he’s practically got every advantage in life is a lot more important. He didn’t have to be poor or have a dead parent or have a shitty childhood for him to be really genuinely good. I don’t think he’s ever been bullied or anything, but he can still be aware that it sucks to be bullied. I think he was just... raised right. I think his dads are probably pretty fucking baller for him to be such a bro. They taught him the right shit.

General philosophy: Hide is one of the only people in the series for whom the dynamics of right and wrong are not hard to understand. He’s never been required to pick up a weapon or actually truly fight in the CCG, he’s never been really mean to anyone. Of course I can say he’s probably decked a few ppl that made fun of Kaneki in middle school, but haven’t we all. The thing is that though he’s never suffered at the hands of others, everything that’s hurt him he’s gone in fully consenting to it- he can still understand and forgive what everyone else has done. Like bro he’s the literal only one around who’s not like a literal war criminal, but he’s not going to think he’s better because of it, because he understands that if he had been in their circumstances he couldn’t say how he would have turned out. 

That’s why I think it’s so important that he never really had a bad childhood- he’s not better than them for turning out without any blood on his hands, because he was never required to. And he knows that and he goes through every day with all these people who have and is conscious of it. He can’t ever say he’s incapable of hurting other people, because he would have said that about Kaneki before all of it happened. So he’s quite politically correct compared to Kaneki and the others but he doesn’t see things that way.

relationship bullshit: i mean bro i know this is a serious post about like psychological and emotional things but i felt the need to discuss whY does everyone write hide as a bottom I mean like sure he’d bottom if his partner was a top but this is simply not the case with kaneki look at him. Hide. Service top. I rest my case. The man’s the biggest switch ever but when he’s a top he’s a nice top. I think Kaneki needs that to be perfectly honest. He really likes to take care of people. Also kind of off topic but his love language is quality time he just wants to play video games wit da homies and he might fall in love a bit

I find it genuinely funny how much i cannot get away from the tentacle porn on the god forsaken archive of our own just looking at the tags i already know it’s so out of character haitoheoihesdsdsa and don’t get me started on the vore

how kaneki sees him vs how he actually is: One of the biggest problems in kaneki and hide’s relationship is how in the beginning, Kaneki didn’t really understand at all that Hide could be hiding anything from him. Kaneki’s not good at picking up clues like that in general, but the fact that he was hiding so much himself didn’t help at all. Hide gives off the vibe of someone who has no inhibitions and shows every side of himself without hesitation, and Kaneki really does idolize that. He didn’t realize that Hide could possibly be suffering or imperfect compared to his vision. He sees Hide as practically an angel, and that’s exactly how Hide wants Kaneki to see him, because he doesn’t want to burden Kaneki with his own problems since he believes they’re not as important and they would make Kaneki sad. Kaneki knew Hide wasn’t as oblivious as he seemed, but he didn’t really understand what that meant until too late. The good thing about Kaneki’s character development though is that it then helps Kaneki understand that Hide was suffering because of him and he didn’t want Hide to hide it anymore (lmao). If they’d only executed that point well that could have been really good but well that’s what fanfic is for

how he sees kaneki vs how kaneki actually is: This one’s a lot more difficult, because well. Hide’s very good at knowing exactly how people are in their hearts, compared to Kaneki. But there are definitely some things that he’s not super up on. He wasn’t around for a lot of Kaneki’s development, so most of the time I think he still believes Kaneki doesn’t want to see his pain, which is, simply incorrect, Kaneki would obviously not be happy to hear it but it would tear him up inside to realize he’s been oblivious to it the whole time. He’s grown a lot more mature since he spent most of his time with Hide, and I really think Hide could benefit from being able to open up to Kaneki the way he is now. And well. I think his biggest misconception has to be that Kaneki enjoyed women lmao

the most him thing i’ve ever done: listening to a happy upbeat song and visibly bopping while also uncontrollably sobbing

miscellaneous headcanons: 

-he’s a morning person lmao. Motherfucker gets up at 6 AM and Kaneki is like PL EA SE NO

-what he finds attractive is like. twinks and girls with hair in colors that don’t exist and ppl who don’t know what gender is

-He likes Imagine Dragons lmao you can see by the next point

-his coping mechanisms are mostly music and other people tbh he’s like “oh i am having emotions? disgusting” *goes to a party*

-he plays dnd and he mains a warlock i don’t make the rules

-he doesn’t look like someone who would do that shit but he probably knows how to use tarot cards

-idk how but that motherfucker is so neurodivergent i can smell the hyperempathy on him look at that man he has so much adhd

-he’s fully aware that his fashion sense is terrible and continues to wear more and more ridiculous clothes to piss kaneki off

-this man has tungle dot fuck. Look at him. His url is probably something along the lines of my ao3 username lmao

-he can see the forbidden shrimp colors smh

-this bitch likes mob psycho 100 and the promised neverland, kaneki keeps telling him to watch death note and he’s just like n   o hhsdfhhfdshdfshdfs he probably kins tpn emma

-he doesn’t know how to drive lmao he bikes everywhere and he lives in tokyo

-i am once again thinking about how he was in a play with kaneki and kaneki was the main character and he was the spicy side character that’s not a headcanon just. that

songs that are, him: 

-Stand By You (Rachel Platten)

-Luck (American Authors)

-Love (Imagine Dragons)

-If I Lose Myself (One Republic)

-Stardust (New Politics)

-Secrets (also one republic)

-Flaws (Bastille)

-100 Bad Days (AJR)

-I Lived (another one republic lmao)

-Battle Scars (Paradise Fears)

-Rise Up (Imagine Dragons)

yeah he definitely listens to this shit lmao

[queenofthefullmoon]

An exhaustive list of Bloodborne bosses I would or would not date

Father Gascoigne

We’re starting this list off with a strong yes. You may be like, but Blue, this is a married man with two daughters! To this I reply: I pretend not to hear it. Also, not to be horrible, but his wife is dead while I’m right there baby, with my blunderbuss and my axe, and I’m ready to risk it all. YES, I know he’s a very stinky man, but you gotta make compromises sometimes. What’s that smell? Ah, the sweet dilf, it sings to me.

Cleric Beast

Let me be clear, I’m not a furry, but the Cleric Beast has stated some facts and made some points! The only reason why I’m not to keen on dating it is that it can’t best me in battle, which is something I’m always looking for in a partner.

Blood Starved Beast

Our first no of the list, I’m not very into skin flaps and poison, which the Blood Starved Beast has plenty of. Moreover, I’d have to get Djura’s approval, and that scares me beyond anything else in Yharnam.

Vicar Amelia

Another Cleric Beast, this time with a bit more flair to it. First of all we just have to admire the way she transforms, very sexy and bloody, which is something you’re gonna want in your relationship if you’re someone who likes fun. (Thiccar) Amelia, cradle me like your golden pendant.

Hemwick witches

Another hard no here. No offense, but I like having eyes, and dating a pair of witches covered in eyes that they’ve been harvesting for years doesn’t seem like a good idea to me!

Shadows of Yharnam

Honestly yeah? You get 3 cool partners in black robes for the price of one. They all wield different weapons, which makes for two excellent things. First of all, you get a very efficient bodyguard team (useful at parties, when a hunter gets drunk on blood, or when you open your front door and a beast is there). Secondly, if you want to have a fun sparring match with your partners, which we all know is a fundamental activity in a couple, you have very varied options!

And a bonus for animal lovers: they can spawn snakes at will for you!! Never a boring day with your 3 hooded partners.

Rom, the vacuous spider

NO. Don’t date Rom. She’s baby! She doesn’t understand what’s going on. Instead, here’s a list of nice activities you can do with Rom:

- Read her stories

- Trims her back growths

- Clean her teeth

- Make her some cute little glasses

- Knit matching socks for her and her children

- Teach her new spells

- Not date her

Darkbeast Paarl

Paarl is a similar situation as Rom. He’s just a little puppy… He doesn’t know what dating is. He knows what going on a walk means, though! So go on, go on a happy little walk with Paarl. He’ll love it, you’ll have fun, everyone will be happy.

Amygdala

Yes. Evidence that it’s a good idea is: lots of arms (good hugs), can grab the shit out of me, CAN and WILL crush me, can sometimes shatter my consciousness with its eldritch powers (very sexy), can send me in other dimensions, will annihilate my enemies with a funky laser beam, and the most amazing feature: can pop it’s eyes out of its skull like a stress ball (fun trick to show your friends at parties). The ideal girlfriend.

The One Reborn

NO!!!!! There’s a lot of freaky stuff I’d date in Bloodborne but the One Reborn is NOT one of them. Firstly, it has 6 nannies. Do I look like the type of person who wants their dates consistently moderated by 6 Pthumerian elders? No!!! I’m a free bitch baby!! And in addition to that, Juan Reborn just has too many limbs. It’s not okay. If we ever got engaged I wouldn’t know where to slip the ring.

Micolash, Host of the Nightmare

Would I..? No, I wouldn’t… Unless? Haha, just kidding. Wait… Actually… Um.

I mean… If you’re into bastardous hysterical little men who howl while running around, sure. BUT beware… You might lose him in a mirror and never find him again, which I find very inconvenient. Imagine going shopping with a guy who compulsively disappears in mirrors. Imagine explaining to the store employees why your dumbass boyfriend broke all their mirrors.

Also, how will we kiss?  With the cage on the way?

Oh god, do I have to wear a cage too?

Celestial Emissaries

I’m not against having a multitude of partners but I’m afraid that might be too much for me. Also, they look like little tiny bebes. I know I’ve said before that I wasn’t ready to be a parent, but I might make an exception for the Celestial Emissaries — let them chill in my home, make them pb&j sandwiches, stuff like that.

Ebrietas, Daughter of the Cosmos

Dear Ebrietas… I have a lot of fondness for her but she looks way too much like mac’n’cheese for comfort. She’s invited for sleepovers and all, no doubt about that, but I see our future together as platonic.

Martyr Logarius

Now Listen… Logarius is an Enemy of women. The proof of his crimes still remains in Cainhurst castle. Do I want to date the genocidal Yharnam Santa? Are you really asking me that? Do you take me for Executioner Alfred? I am not crazy. I will not date Martyr Logarius and his red skulls spamming ass (however miss Annalise queen of the Vilebloods, call me).

Mergo’s Wet Nurse

Um yes of course? Tall dark eldritch wife? I feel like Mergo’s Wet Nurse is the Dancer of Bloodborne, where I’m in a situation where I’m presented with the ideal girlfriend and people expect me to say no because she’s an enormous eldritch entity who could kill me in one hit or whatever. Do you think me a coward? Do you believe that I am not willing to risk it all for invisible girls? Think again.

Gehrman, the First Hunter

Ew no! Gross! He’s gonna make a doll designed after me and I will have to call the police!

Moon Presence

On one hand yes (see Mergo’s Wet Nurse) but on the other hand… I feel like the Moon Presence would be too possessive and easily jealous. I just need some freedom, yknow? The liberty to go out and make friends with other Great Ones. And I know she would NOT like that. She’d ask me if I’m the only Great One I’m talking to and I’d have to nervously hide my phone and say Yes Babe Always Babe, lest she would shackle me to an unending dream. I’m not about that life.

Ludwig the Accursed/the Holy Blade

I genuinely don’t know what to say. The screaming horse man? Am I— the horse boy? Him? No. I… I’m not gonna. I love his sword. Lots of class. Very good theme song, could be cool to have him as a friend (maybe I could ride him around to different locations?) but to date? Kiss his horse mouth? KISS HIS EYE MOUTH? You could say that… Neigh.

Laurence, the First Vicar

NOW WE’RE TALKING BABEY… All the class of the Cleric Beast with FIRE included! Picture this: it’s the winter, it’s snowing, and you’re cold… NOT! You are dating a FLAMING BEAST, you are never cold. Laurence has one proper arm to hold you and one arm that’s a constant flaming inferno, which means he’s great for the summer and the winter, depending on which temperature you want to be at. Your enormous flaming boyfriend will always be at your side.

Living Failures

First of all mood, second of all, this is kind of a Celestial Emissaries situation where I’m not against having many partners but I don’t want a whole congregation of them. There’s just too many Living Failures. I also like dating people with faces? And that aren’t, like, blue. So it’s a no from me, but I’ll befriend them. I’ll go garden with them and all. We can have a girls’ night, it’s all good.                      

Lady Maria of the Astral Clocktower

I’m gonna have to be predictable and say yes here, but fair warning, Lady Maria isn’t for everyone! I know she looks like the perfect wife, but get this; this lady is a hunter. She’s only a lady because she’s related to royals. She has nothing ladylike in her. You think she takes baths? You think she knows what self-care IS????? I laugh at your ignorance, at how you misunderstand her. Maria is a stinky girl; but she is MY stinky girl.

Orphan of Kos

I don’t want to date the Orphan of Kos because he was literally just born and still has his placenta attached to him.  I don’t care for infants, and I don’t care for violent infants. I wouldn’t even want to invite him over to play with the Celestial Emissaries or something. He’s like that asshole child in kindergarten who hurts the other kids for fun. Am I being harsh to a literal baby and an orphan at that? Maybe. But Kos herself couldn’t tell me I’m wrong.

Bonus chalice boss: Yharnam, Pthumerian Queen

Now listen here… Yharnam is a queen, tall and kinda eldritch, absolutely rabid, which we’ve established is my type. Shall I step on the toes of Oedon and declare her mine? Perhaps. She has a very powerful scream, which worries me in case of a domestic fight, but overall I get to marry a kind of eldritch queen, which is alright in my book. I know she has an equally eldritch baby, but it’s formless, so it doesn’t bother me that much.   Dark Souls 1 ll Dark Souls 2 SOTFS ll Dark Souls 3