#buy myself something I don't need

[inkskinned]

they want to talk about mental illness and acceptance and how everyone is a little ocd it's cute and quirky and their "intrusive thoughts" are about cutting their hair off and you say yours are about taking a razorblade to your eye and they say ew can you not and everyone is a little adhd sometimes! except if you're late it's a personality flaw and it's because you are careless and cruel (and someone else with adhd mentions they can be on time, so why can't you?) and it's not an eating disorder if it's girl dinner! it's not mania if it's girl math! what do you mean you blew all of your savings on nonrefundable plane tickets for a plane you didn't even end up taking. what do you mean that you are afraid of eating. get over it. they roll their little lips up into a sneer. can you not, like, trauma dump?

they love it on them they like to wear pieces of your suffering like jewels so that it hangs off their tongue in rapiers. they are allowed to arm-chair diagnose and cherrypick their poisons but you can't ever miss too many showers because that's, like, "fuckken gross?" so anyone mean is a narcissist. so anyone with visual tics is clearly faking it and is so cringe. but they get to scream and hit customer service employees because well, i got overwhelmed.

you keep seeing these posts about how people pleasers are "inherently manipulative" and how it's totally unfair behavior. but you are a people pleaser, you have an ingrained fawn response. in the comments, you have typed and deleted the words just because it is technically true does not make it an empathetic or kind reading of the reaction about one million times. it is technically accurate, after all. you think of catholic guilt, how sometimes you feel bad when doing a good deed because the sense of pride you get from acting kind - that pride is a sin. the word "manipulation" is not without bias or stigma attached to it. many people with the fawn response are direct victims of someone who was malignantly manipulative. calling the victims manipulative too is an unfair and unkind reading of the situation. it would be better and more empathetic to say it is safety-seeking or connection-seeking behavior. yes, it can be toxic. no, in general it is not intended to be toxic. there is no reason to make mentally ill people feel worse for what we undergo.

you type why is everyone so quick to turn on someone showing clear signs of trauma but you already know the fucking answer, so what's the point of bothering. you kind of hate those this is what anxiety looks like! infographics because at this point you're so good at white-knuckling through a severe panic attack that people just think you're stoic. even people who know the situation sometimes comment you just don't seem depressed. and you're not a 9 year old white kid so there's no way you're on the spectrum, you're not obsessed with trains and you were never a good mathematician. okay then.

mental illness is trending. in 2012 tumblr said don't romanticize our symptoms but to be fair tiktok didn't exist yet. there's these series of videos where someone pretends to be "the most boring person on earth" and is just being a normal fucking person, which makes your skin crawl, because that probably means you are boring. your friend reads aloud a profile from tinder - no depressed bitches i fucking hate that mental illness crap. your father says that medication never actually works.

you still haven't told your grandmother that you're in therapy. despite everything (and the fact it's helping): you just don't want her to see you differently.

[icewindandboringhorror]

On average, what is the total MONTHLY amount that you spend on dining out*?

*(This doesn't only count going out to restaurants, but also stuff like picking up fast food to bring home, getting a coffee on the way to work, getting a premade sandwich from a grocery store deli during lunch, buying a quick snack from a convenience store or food cart whilst walking somewhere, ordering a pizza or any other food to be delivered to your home, etc.)

*(If you often dine out in groups/as a household: calculate and divide the costs so that you get a Per Person average. This is for YOU individually, NOT the total household/group costs)

(I'm sure polls similar to this have been made before (very common topic), I just haven't personally seen one that I can remember, so, I was curious to do my own! I was discussing this with a group of people today and it was very interesting to see how widely the number varied between individuals. :0c )

(Reblog for bigger sample size if you can, and feel free to explain your answer in tags if there's anything extra to add!)

[daftdrac]

I've been looking for a 'The Quarry' playthrough where Ryan pursues Dylan over Kaitlyn (via playing the video and going to the Truth or Dare scene, and seeing who Ryan kisses- if dare is picked. If he kisses Kaitlyn, or picks truth, I move on.) for actually a fucking hour right now. I've been looking for an hour. I just searched "the quarry" on YouTube and for an HOUR I've been SCROLLING and clicking EVERY SINGLE no commentary full walkthrough I could find and majority of the time it's been Kaitlyn. 85%, at the LEAST. The rest, the player picked truth. I actually have a headache from how many times I've screamed in frustration. (Don't even ask about the anger issues, man,)

I FINALLY found one with the Rylan kiss <3333 my life is saved. I swear to God I was staring to have Issues™ with the Heteros™ (/hj). All I want is to have the game playing in the background on my TV while I write. And it took me an hour . There is too much Dylan disrespect on YouTube I swear

[umemiyan]

i need my neighbor to stop coming over here and knocking on my door like GURL LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE

[prince-liest]

Read your orchids tags and what a mood... I'm also someone who recently started having disposable income and definitely can spend money but have a lot of guilt about doing it anyway. Idk I guess it's just nice knowing that there's other people going through the same things and that adulting is Weird. I hope you get all the purple flowers! I hope we can both overcome our spending guilt!!! Raaa!!!

Aw, haha, I totally feel you anon! I've literally budgeted a certain percentage of my take-home income as "guilt free spending" and I'm pretty okay with spending it on relatively low-cost stuff, like a $20 game or whatever, but a $65 orchid seems nuts to me even though I'll probably obsess over it for months and months while the game sits unplayed in my Steam library, HAH. I keep thinking "I'm buying too much..." and then I do the math and actually, no, I'm under budget.

Starting last month is actually the first time in my life I've supported myself entirely off of my own income, and I'm 28, so I've jumped from "$100 is so much money" to, y'know, paying rent and bills and buying a couch and so on, and getting used to seeing sums of money that large come and go in my bank account has been an interesting adjustment. On top of that, I also just grew up fairly frugal. We were never in dire straits financially, but we immigrated to the USA without much money, and also, just, like... it's the broke Soviet expat attitude, hahaha. Even when we Had Money it was a matter of Should We Really Be Spending It? (Which has worked out great for my parents and made me like-minded! But even my dad has told me, like, "Worry less, it's not that much money," lol.)

I think it's not an uncommon way to feel, and sometimes I try to justify it to myself in "going to the movies" units of money. Going to a nice movie theator and having a good time without going crazy but still splurging on a snack or a drink or something runs on average about $25 and most people wouldn't consider that too unreasonable. Would this orchid be worth about three fun afternoons to me? Well, that no longer sounds excessive.

Not a super reliable measurement, but it's mostly just meant to put things into some perspective without actually being a strict judgment.

At the end of the day, though, I just tell myself that as satisfying as it is to transfer dollars into my Fidelity account to sit on like a dragon, this money is literally in my budget to enjoy on whatever. I have paid my bills. I have put money into savings and investments. I have enough for groceries. What is money for after that if not to enjoy life?

[angelsdean]

the thing i really want to do is make cool graphic tees. like rn if i had to pick a "job" it would be, design cool graphic tees. i'm a t-shirt girlie (gn). i love a t-shirt. i'll put anything on a t-shirt.

[arcaneyouth]

aheem heem...... whimper..........

[sherlock-is-ace]

.

[brinnanza]

not to make up a guy to get mad at but I love when people try to devalue handmade arts and goods by saying "I could buy that at walmart/online/Amazon for way cheaper" like okay?? go do that then?? you clearly don't appreciate the difference between buying something from a human person you can see who made it with their own two hands with materials they personally sourced vs buying something probably made with slave labor from the cheapest possible materials that is actively designed to become garbage in under a year at a place that treats their employees like indentured servents and pays them the absolute least they can legally get away with

like. you don't need to tell me an inferior product is available cheaper than mine. I know. I set the prices myself in full awareness of What Things Cost. this is the amount I am willing to part with this thing I made for.

[bulldagger-bait]

When it comes to hygiene tasks and self care with disability and chronic illness, its pretty much a constant case of: don't let perfect be the enemy of the good.

Basically: it's better to do something, than to do nothing at all.

TLDR: Just because you can't do something "properly" doesn't mean you shouldn't do it at all. Do it half-way. Do it shitty. Do it barely. Do it on a technicality. But do what you can. Just try, because doing something will help you.

If you don't have the energy to scrub your body with a sponge, just rub soap over your skin with your hands.

If you don't have the energy to wash your whole body with soap, just hit the places where sweat accumulates, or where you're smelliest.

If you don't have the energy to wash with soap AT ALL, just sitting in water is better than nothing. It will wash away dirt and oils.

If you can't bathe or shower at all, a warm wash cloth is your new best friend. If that's too much, then try bath wipes. They're a bit bigger than regular wet wipes, and a bit more heavy duty. They're designed to help keep bed ridden patients clean in hospitals.

If you don't have the energy to dry yourself after a bath or a shower, just put on a bathrobe and get into bed. If you don't have the energy to get dressed afterwards, just don't. It can wait until you can.

If you don't have energy to brush your teeth for two minutes, honestly, just a cursory scrub is better than not doing anything.

If you can't brush your teeth twice a day, brush in the evenings. It will help take away the build up of food from the day.

If you don't have the energy to brush AT ALL, honestly, just take a cloth and wipe the plaque off your teeth. Rinse with mouth wash after if you'd like. Something is always better than nothing.

If you can't floss twice a day. Try once. If that's too much, try a few times a week. If that's too much, try setting aside a day once a week as a goal. If you can't keep a schedule, do it when you're able to. Hell, I keep some floss next to my bed so that if I forget and don't have the energy to go get it, I can just reach over.

If you can't iron your clothes, don't bother. Wrinkles are fine. Wear jumpers over wrinkly t-shirts. No one will know, and honestly, most people won't even care. If it's really wrinkly and it's A Big Deal And It Needs To Be Ironed, here's my life hack. Step 1: take a spray bottle, and spritz the item of clothing (while you're wearing it is easiest) until it's lightly damp. Step 2: use a hair-dryer on the clothes until they're dry. It gets rid of creases like nobody's business, it's easier than lugging out the iron and ironing board, and you get to have nice toasty warm clothes afterwards.

If you can't fold your clothes, try just hanging them up. It's less commitment. It's quicker to do. Granted, you need to have the space in order to do this, but it is also good at helping you downsize, and lets you visualise exactly what you have.

If you can't put your clothes away, invest in a couple of laundry baskets, and then just keep your clean clothes in the baskets. You can then separate washed clothes into underwear, pants, and shirts baskets. You can just leave them like that. I'm giving you permission to never fold your laundry again if you can't. Just leave it unfolded. Who's going to care? Something is better than nothing. If you can, try to put those baskets into your closet so that you can keep the clutter out of sight, and give yourself a more restful environment.

If you can't separate your clothing out into different categories and wash them "properly" (whites, warm tones, cool tones, darks, delicates / switching between hot & cold washes / paying attention to laundry instructions on the label) then just don't worry about it. If you cold wash your clothes, colours won't bleed. Maybe gradually over the course of dozens of washes there'll be some changes in hue, but it's really not as high stakes as the One Red Sock In The Whites Turns Them Pink trope makes it out to be.

I've pretty much come to the point in my life where if a piece of clothing can't survive the washer and dryer, then it's just not meant to be. I colour separate my clothes, and if I have the energy/remember I'll take my bras and jumpers out of the washing machine to drip dry. But otherwise, I leave it to the universe.

If you can't separate out your recycling, then don't. If you have a large amount of rubbish you need to get rid of but the idea of separating it out properly is stopping you from doing so, then just don't worry about it. I know it's not ideal, but if you have garbage in your room/house and you need to get rid of it, please just get rid of it. Don't let the problem get bigger and harder to deal with. Don't let "doing something properly" get in the way of keeping your living spaces clean. Please. Give yourself understanding.

If you can't wash your dishes, get paper plates. Obviously, it's not ideal, but it is better that you eat food than skipping meals. It is better that you have a clean kitchen, rather than having dishes piling up and making it harder to look after yourself.

If you can't prepare meals for yourself keep making the tasks easier and easier. If you can't do recipes, then simplify. Use pasta sauce from the jar instead of making it. Eat canned soup. Buy food you can just stick in the oven. If you eat fish fingers and microwave veggies every night, it's better than not eating anything at all. It's better than having to fork out money on take-out. If you need ready-made meals, then get them. If you're literally just eating a raw cauliflower for dinner; 1) I see you, 2) me too, sis, 3) something is better than nothing.

These are the basic things you need to do every day to function as a person. They are your activities of daily living. Brushing your teeth. Bathing or showering. Using the bathroom. Getting dressed. Eating. Drinking. Sleeping. Keeping your environment clean. You don't need to do these things perfectly, but they need to happen in order for you to have a decent quality of life.

And it breaks my heart, because I know that so many disabled people can't do these things every day. I'm not saying this to guilt or judge, I'm saying that these are basic needs; you deserve these things. These things bring dignity. If a disabled person is unable to do these things, it diminishes their quality of life. It robs them of dignity.

If you need help to do these things, Its okay to ask for help. It's okay to need help. But if you can't get that help and you have to do these things by yourself -- or you just plain want to be independent and do it without help-- then don't hold yourself to standards you can't meet.

Don't let perfect be the enemy of the good. Doing something is always better than doing nothing. Even if it's not perfect. Even if it's not done well. Do what you can.

[liesonthefloordramatically]

just ordered yarn for my next knitting project (blanket...to keep me warm...because I like my apartment freezing cold) and I AM wincing at the cost but also A. I literally never spend money on myself, B. this will keep my hands and brain occupied for a while (both important), C. it's actually not that much more expensive than buying a nice blanket for myself, and D. I literally never spend money on myself so there

[brittlebutch]

actually, having a kind of revelatory moment here of if HRT was something i have been considering for this long, but has remained inaccessible to me, then that means i Do actually have opinions about my appearance/presentation, so just because i can't take That Particular step doesn't mean that there aren't plenty of other avenues i could be pursuing (ie, clothing/accessories/etc.) that i just haven't let myself up until this point. like i don't have to shove it All aside just because there's one thing i can't get -- I'd probably still wind up a lot happier if I took those other steps I've spent all these years ignoring

[pollen]

hii it's been awhile since i've given any updates about what's going on with me but!!! i think we're moving back to oregon at some point. and i'm gonna make grad school happen. i'm so yhappy

[t-lostinworlds]

idk if it's the same everywhere else regarding rules when renting but it's such a scam when i'm required to buy and replace something in my apartment when it gets "broken" (something i didn't even break and is simply a wear and tear type of situation i.e. a 5 year old faucet that's been here way before i moved in and is now leaking) but when i decide to move out i'm not even allowed to bring it with me?

like the air conditioner i currently have and has been here before i moved in is so fucking loud it gives me a headache. but if i were to replace it and spend thousands on a new one, the second i move out i'm not even going to able to bring it with me so i'm just, handing them an air conditioner for free. like how fuck is that?

[fishareglorious]

Christmas party is coming up and people are now placing their requests in the christmas gift exchange. I am choosing to write laundry soap in mine.

[cappurrccino]

maybe i should try my hand at typesetting/bookbinding with my bang fic from last year... 🤔