#can you tell how far i've come in terms of giffing?

[jeonsbwi]

playful photobomber taehyung feat. an unaware koo ♡ original first set vs now

[br-disaster]

Nie Mingjue's Fatal Journey crying scenes appreciation post

There's no way I wouldn't make this post, but it ended up way longer than I intended.

Fighting with Huaisang

When is this man not tearing up?

This fight is so important for Huaisang's character development and the movie's themes, with Huaisang being ready to challenge and question the Nie ways and Mingjue doing his best to uphold those traditions and keep the peace through the only way he knows how.

But it's still hard to be challenged like this and to face the possibility that everything you've ever known might not be right, actually.

And this gif specifically is from the moment Huaisang questions if Mingjue even knows what they're there to fight and what this supposed great evil that will come to Qinghe if they fail to balance their blades even is. Mingjue has no answer, of course, I suppose he was only taught this and never had reason to question it.

But Huaisang is also talking about the disciples they already 'lost' at this point of the movie, and he says something along the lines of " You don't know anything, you only know how to bring them here to die" and that does it. Because it's both "you can't follow these rules blindly when they rely on sacrificing people" and "you've changed and I don't trust your judgement on these matters anymore".

And as he says it, Mingjue looks at their disciples and he sees the puppets for a moment. And Huaisang just questioned if the other disciples were really attacked by puppets.

So that's a big moment and Huaisang is right, of course, but he doesn't have a confirmation that this is the result of Mingjue's health deterioration yet, so he keeps pushing. And Mingjue doesn't really have a counter argument because he knows what's going on with him, but it must be very scary to hear it from the person you care about the most and realize just how much you're being affected.

(Actually, Mingjue has one counter argument and that is "Well, I am at least trying to do something while you're painting and living a carefree life", and he's not wrong either. Huaisang is right and rightfully harsh, but this is the first time he's being confronted with these difficult choices and all their family history. He can reflect on and question it, but his brother has been meking those hard decisions since he was 14, when did he ever had a break to question and change things?)

Which leads us to

The Talk

After seeing his brother sacrifice himself for him at the bridge, and then seeing Mingjue be so vulnerable and lost, that anger from their fight is gone. They can meet in the middle with "You are right, I wasn't thinking straight, this is not a long term solution and I've failed at changing our ways" and "It's not your fault, you did everything you could but you're not responsible for this situation" and it's very beautiful and heartbreaking.

Mingjue is so remorseful, both because he has condemned Huaisang to die with him and because he feels like he failed everyone and everything (even if he doesn't seem to know what he could have done differently to avoid all this).

And Huaisang's reaction in this scene is so calm it made me think this Huaisang is somewhat used to his brother displaying vulnerability around him. This isn't book NMJ with all his victories, this isn't a man who never let the Unclean Realm be conquered and who could afford to keep Huaisang far away from the war. This is a man who was attacked and subdued in his own home, who had to send Huaisang to the hands of the people who killed their father.

This Huaisang doesn't have reasons to see Mingjue as this unmovable force, he has seen Mingjue hurt and threatened and fearful; and he's now seeing him remorseful and defeated.

(I'm sure Mingjue telling Huaisang about the fact that he's dying and admiting his mistakes and insecurities is something new, especially considering their previous fight, but this Huaisang doesn't take it as a shock, because he knows his brother is only human and there's only so much he can handle. He even, like, explicitly says this)

And so he assumes this calm, reassuring and empathetic posture, because that's what his brother is asking for. And it's the most beautiful thing, Huaisang has so much love for him, so much empathy. And this is Mingjue's reaction to his brother's reassurance that it's okay if they have to die there:

I'm sure Huaisang is still processing Mingjue's "I only forced you to practice because I'll die soon", but he's so good at reassuring his brother.

Because Mingjue just told him "I am dying and I'll go as a failure" and Huaisang insisted "None of this is your fault and you did everything you could and more, and if I have to die here with you today, I don't regret a thing, and you shouldn't either".

There's no despair or anger that his brother is only telling him this now, there's only understanding and acceptance and so much love and they really knew what they were doing with this movie.

His people love him

Mingjue is so moved. He just admitted to Huaisang that he's not in peace with his accomplishments, or lack thereof; that he feels ashamed to face his ancestors, having done so little.

So I truly believe Mingjue doesn't consider himself worthy of this much trust and support. (And I can't ignore how this is tied to the Nightless City situation, where he led the men who trusted him with their lives to a dangerous situation and couldn't save any of them).

As we see in the confrontation at Jinlintai, that technically happens after this movie, that is still a very sensitive topic.

And here he has his loyal disciples saying they will follow him yet again, despite his previous 'failures'; just like Huaisang was ready to die with him. They have so much trust in him, and the way he's nodding a little here, just like he was nodding when Huaisang reminded him of everything he's done for their sect since their father died, is like he's convincing himself of it. That he can do this and he can do this right this time.

And yet

He fails again. And I don't even think he knows it was him who killed those disciples, like some people say. He doesn't need to because it doesn't matter. His men, who followed him till the end of the world, are dead again. And so is the hope he had of doing this one right thing before he dies.

Yes, he supressed the saber spirit like he had to, but they're still dead, all of them.

He falls apart, how could he not?

At some point I'm sure Huaisang his holding all his weight because he just gives up. There's only so much loss one can handle and that's way too much.

And look at the way Huaisang is watching him as he realizes something inside Mingjue shattered forever.

There's so much pain in this scene, it looks physically taxing and I hope people gave Wang Yizhou a break after he shot this. I know it's his job and he's phenomenal at it, but this has to mess with your head a little.

And hey, it's a Huaisang crying scene as well. CQL Huaisang only really cries twice. First he watches his brother have a mental breakdown in his arms after unknowingly killing his own disciples; and then as he watches his brother qi deviate and die, while unable to do anything to either stop or comfort him.

(And a lot of people said there's no hesitation on Huaisang's part when he rushes to his brother's aid when Mingjue is hurt on this post's notes, and that's true for book Huaisang too, because he runs towards Mingjue as he is qi deviating, gets hurt in the process, and still keeps calling for him, which makes CQL's decision to have JGY holding him back kind of cruel, tbh, there's not a Huaisang who would run from a hurting Mingjue regardless of the risks

But at least we have this scene.)

And that's it, I guess. There's nothing uplifting to say about this, really. He just went through a lot and kept shouldering everything until he couldn't anymore. I just wish book NMJ had gotten to receive the same love and comfort and acceptance from NHS before he died, I wish he had been able to tell his brother what was actually happening, but thats kind of the purpose of this movie, so I'm just very grateful that it exists.

It's like that post says, it didn't change anything but the love was there, you know? That's how this movie feels for me.

[rayslittlekitten]

I Almost Told You That I Loved You Ch. 19

Chapter 18 | IATYTILY Masterlist

A/N: I've been waiting so long (honestly like probably a year) to finally post this chapter and this GIF. 🤣

Rating: T

Word Count: 1,143

Pairing: Jax Teller x F! reader

Plot: This takes place shortly after Tara leaves Charming. You start working at Teller-Morrow and an unlikely and messy relationship forms between you and Jax.

Warnings: maybe some mild, colorful misogynistic language

These last few days have made you nostalgic about Cara Cara. Working for a porn company doesn’t seem so bad anymore. Maybe you can ask Luann for your old job back. You’re pretty sure she’ll give it back to you, no questions asked. Although TM pays better and honestly, it couldn’t possibly get any worse. Jax has been hot and cold since the incident with Will. He’s been cautiously trying to get your attention, apologizing multiple times, but you’ve been turning down his advances. And when you do, he’s no longer groveling at your feet. His soft words turn into sharp knives instead. Your favorite so far is “I hope you choke on a dick!” That sure is going to get you to run back to him. 

Fragile male egos. You know a few things about those. They don’t actually care about making things right. They just want the last word and if things are going to end, it’s going to be on their terms, no matter how much they have to try to charm you. They will say and do anything to win you back just so they can leave you. If you can just focus on work and keep your interactions with Jax to a minimum, you might be able to get through this until the end of the semester at the very least.

“Hey, sweetheart, I’m stepping out for lunch and running some errands,” Gemma tells you as she gathers her things. “Will probably be gone for a few hours. You’ll be okay by yourself?”

“Yeah, sure,” you nod and throw her a smile, pulling yourself away from sending a fax for a moment.

“I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

As Gemma walks out, the phone rings so you walk over to answer it.

“Thank you for calling Teller-Morrow, how can I help you?”

Just then Opie waltzes into the office and leaves some filled forms on the desk in front of you.

“Yes, we can do that. If you come by with your car, we can take a look at it and give you an estimate.” You look at Opie and hold a finger up at him to let him know to give you a moment. 

“We are open 7 days a week, 8 to 6.” You glance at the form on the desk and you look like you’ve just seen a ghost. “Uh, y-yes. You have a nice day.” You hang up the phone.

“You okay?” Opie asks.

“Is this customer still out there?” You ask him.

“Yeah, he’s gonna wait for his car and wants to pay for it now. Why?”

You stare at the window for a moment before walking over to it and taking a peek outside, recognizing the blue BMW.

“Shit.”

“What? You know this guy or something?” Opie asks.

“That’s my ex-boyfriend. What the hell is he doing on this side of town?”

“You want me to handle this? I can—“

“No,” you sigh. “I’ll take care of it.” 

“You sure?” Opie asks again.

“Yeah, thank you.” You force a small smile.

Opie nods and hangs around for a moment in case you change your mind before walking out the office. When he returns to the garage, Jax walks up to him while wiping his greasy hands on a rag.

“What’s up with this preppy boy’s car?” Jax asks, his chin pointing in the direction of the blue BMW.

“Just needs his headlights changed,” Opie answers. “But also, apparently, preppy boy is Y/N’s ex.”

“What?!” Jax asks with raised brows.

“Yeah, she seemed a little spooked. Do you know what the deal is?” Opie asks as they watch you walking towards the blue BMW and its owner.

Jax doesn't answer. They can see the interaction between you and your ex is awkward and Jax sees you recoiling when your ex tries to reach out to you. Jax’s jaw twitches. He picks up the nearest tool next to him and stalks over to the both of you with a torque wrench in his hand.

“Hey, I’m gonna be the one fixing your car.”

“Jax—“

“It’s alright, darlin’,” Jax puts his arm around you. “I can take it from here.”

“Wow, are… are you dating him now? Huh. And you thought I was a piece of shit? You definitely downgraded.” A smug smile plays upon his face. "Now be a good girl and wrap this up, will ya? I have actual important things to do."

“You need your headlights changed, right?” Jax asks.

“Yeah, hope you’re smart enough to figure out that simple task,” he chuckles.

“Yeah, well it looks like you got a broken mirror too.” Jax take a heavy swing with the wrench and knocks one of his side mirrors clean off.

“What the fuck, man?!” 

“Jax!”

Just then out of nowhere, Opie jumps in.

"Whoa, whoa. I'm so sorry about that, sir. We'll fix that for you, on the house." Opie tries to pull Jax away until Jax sees you walking away.  

Jax follows you back to the office, calling out for you, and leaving Opie to sort out the mess.

“Why the fuck did you do that? You could’ve just changed his headlights and let him be on his fucking way!”

"You're pissed at me? That’s your piece of shit ex, right?” Jax points towards the lot.

“Yes, I'm pissed at you! So what if he's my ex? He was just here for his goddamn headlights. He wasn't here for me.”

“He tried to put his hands on you!”

“And? I can defend myself. Besides, what the hell was that out there? You can’t keep pulling shit like that.”

“I was just trying to protect—“

“Bullshit, Teller! You need to stop acting like we’re in a relationship every time another guy talks to me when you treat me like I’m one of your MC groupies every other week.” 

Jax scrubs his beard and looks down at his feet.

“It doesn’t mean I don’t care about you,” Jax says quietly.

“No, you only care when it's convenient for you. You don't get to pick and choose when you want to care about me."

"I'm really trying here," Jax tells you.

"Trying what exactly? I'd much rather you just treat me like shit because at least that's consistent. You're no better than him." You point in the general direction of the lot. 

"Don't compare me to that fucking asshole!" Jax shakes his head.

"You know what? You're right. You're not like him. At least he knows he's an asshole and owns up to it."

Just as Jax is about to say something, the phone rings and you pick up.

"Thank you for calling Teller-Morrow, how can I help you?"

You both stare each other down for a moment before Jax punches the wall on his way out of the office.

[wen-kexing-apologist]

Late top 5 ask because I just thought of it: 5 shows that you are always down to rewatch

What a great question that is also such a mean and incredibly evil thing to ask me, wen-kexing-apologist, Chronic Rewatcher lmfao

So fun fact I have seen KinnPorsche 14 times, Our Flag Means Death 11 times, The Old Guard 11 times, Heartstopper 11 times, The Eclipse probably 6 times, Bad Buddy and ITSAY 4 times, etc, etc, etc. And those are counting all the times I have watched a show all the way through. This is not counting the number of times I have actively gone back to watch specific episodes or specific scenes.

See the problem is sometimes I hyperfixate and then I just have to watch it until it is out of my system, sometimes an OST pops in to my head and then I get the urge to watch the show again, and sometimes I agree to edit the transcripts for the backlog of @the-conversation-pod and @bengiyo and @shortpplfedup start talking about a show and I'm like "ahhh good times! I should rewatch that!"

So you can imagine the stress I am under. I'll have to do this by category

Show I Am Constantly Rewatching: Bed Friend

gif by @perths

I know what you may be thinking, and yes you are correct I am in this rewatch for Uea's emotional journey. Uea is my sweet summer child, I love him, I have adopted him in to my family, his happiness is my happiness and I love love love watching him go from a quiet, reserved, unhappy character who keeps getting put in unfair situations through no fault of his own in to this confident, vibrant, happy person who is on his way towards healing. Often times it can be hard for me to pick A Favorite thing; a favorite character, a favorite scene because there are so. many. good. ones. But I am constantly, and I mean constantly rewatching the scene in Episode 8 where Uea tells King about his past. I have lost count of how many times I've seen it, no even kidding I watched that scene before I went to bed just last week. I will always always be down to watch that show because I love seeing how far my boy is able to grow with just a little bit of love, care, and therapy.

Show I Would Rewatch for an Instant Mood Boost: If It's With You

gif by @jimmysea

I have a difficult time understanding/feeling emotion in my body unless I abstract it in to fiction. So when I experience strong emotions it is typically when something super happy or super tragic happens on screen, in a book, during my D&D game, etc. One of my absolute favorite things is when something makes me so happy that my body is no longer able to contain it and I have to do the Neurodivergent Hand Flappies(TM). I think I spent 80% of this show grinning so hard it hurt my face and doing the Neurodivergent Hand Flappies because it just...they made me so happy. Amane is so sweet, and he deserves happiness, and he is getting his happiness and he's just full of sunshine and I already rewatched this show like immediately after it finished. This show joins my This Could Fix Me list.

Show I Would Be Down to Rewatch for Emotional Catharsis: Eternal Yesterday

gif by @duckflyfly

I have not rewatched this show...yet. But I want to, and I know that I will eventually. I can only imagine that it is sadder and more evil the second time around. I cried soooo hard over this show. But it is beautiful, and it is healing, and the pain is a good type of aching pain that comes with coming to terms with grief. With acknowledging grief. With finding where the beauty and peace lie within death and memory, and the way its claws dig in to you and leave you changed forever. Ghosts can be warm, and this show makes me warm despite it all.

Show I Would Be Down to Rewatch for Content: I Told Sunset About You/I Promised You the Moon

gif by @thii-nii

I think I am in @shortpplfedup's camp about how you find new things to think about every time you watch this show. I actually desperately, desperately own I Promised You the Moon several rewatches because I have seen ITSAY four times at this point and IPYTM once. I am currently rewatching IPYTM with a friend who is seeing it for the first time, so that should help. But the first time I watched this show I was unable to function to notice anything, and it wasn't until the third time I'd watched ITSAY when I was rewatching it to prepare for the podcast panel, that I finally was able to form any level of coherent analytical thought to it. So I would rewatch this at any point just to see what more I could pull out of it.

Show I Would Be Down to Rewatch But Haven't Yet: 180 Degree Longitude Passes Through Us

gif by @dingyuxi

Bold, based on how intense of a reaction I had to this show, I know. But this was one of my favorites, I never wrote anything about it because I was too busy having a literal mental breakdown over it, one that was so bad I almost had to bail on the entire show with like...20 minutes left of it, and I originally nixed my plan to show it to a friend. BUT I have watched the specific scene that did me in (and only that scene) and it went over fine once I knew to expect it so I do want to watch the whole thing again. I have a friend who I have been forcing to watch BL shows I liked and I watch them with her, and this is on the list. However, I am currently running her through I Promised You The Moon and What Did You Eat Yesterday? Season 2 so this show is still quite a ways out from a rewatch because I am not a total monster and want to give her some modicum of emotional break between those two shows and 180 Degree.

Bonus:

Show I Would Never Rewatch: Enchante

I hate this show truly an unreasonable amount. I hate Theo so much oh my fucking god. I refuse to watch this again and I'm mad that I finished it.

ASK ME MY TOP 5 OF ANYTHING BL

[undercoverpena]

Hey there, I truly admire your openness about your anxiety, and I was wondering if you could offer any tips or techniques that have helped you, especially in the context of being active on this platform. Love your work!

tw: anxiety

hi anon! thank you so much, that's really nice of you. i deffo think i could be more open about it, but it's nice that I've been able to be open enough for you to reach out. i'm sorry it took me a day or two to get back to you, i just wanted to make sure i thought up/over things so i was being as helpful as possible! it's important for me to stress that my situation and my anxiety isn't going to be like everyone else's, and how i cope with it isn't like the "go to". but here are some things that help me (i am not claiming that any of these i came up):

creating a rainy day folder: bad days are a thing for everyone, but i know what things put me in a "stormier" frame of mind, and what i'm critical about. so, when things make me smile (comments, nice reblogs, tags, inbox, dms) i screenshot them and pop them in this folder. and when i need an extra boost (or some proof to fire back at my brain that it's wrong) i spend a bit of time in there. as it's me, it's highly organised HA! but, it deffo helps having the folder, and its reminded me, at times, why i love what i do here.

celebrate with cake: i'm a high-functioning person, who has super low self-esteem. for a good portion of my life (an embarrassingly large portion, honestly) good accomplishments were not celebrated. so, now i make a point to celebrate certain things with food (or books, if I'm reading a lot). one thing I've learnt with my anxiety is that it's easy to get into a cycle, and one way of breaking this is to stop and take the time to realise the milestones I've accomplished or how far I've come. just the other day, i took a walk to the shop and grabbed myself a chocolate bar. a year ago, i wouldn't have felt comfortable doing that by myself. and it's important to recognise those achievements when you've had a hard time. i also recommend everyone gets themselves cake when they finish a series (it's the rules, i swear).

learn about yourself: i'm going to be brutally honest and hope this doesn't bite me on the arse, but there are a lot of times i don't really like myself? i don't see the value i offer, i feel like i let people down, etc etc. it used to be worse, and one of the ways that helped me go from every day i didn't like myself to occasionally disliked myself, is by educating myself on me. I've spent a lot of time making myself small to fit in, I've done things others are into so i fit in to the point i wasn't sure who i was. so, when i had a menty-b (the name i call it), i sat with myself and learnt what i liked. music. movies. clothing. passions. hobbies. i have always written, but i wasn't necessarily writing things i loved. so, i changed it. i dated myself (a term lots of people use). i told my husband i was going to spend Friday nights with myself, and i did something i wanted to do. on my own. and in time, that helped with my anxious feelings and my fears about being online. because i spend a lot of time worrying about what people think, but by dating myself i could learn nice things about me - and that way, had things i could tell myself i knew were true: that i'm actually very nice, kind and really funny. it might not making pressing 'post" easier, but i can hold my chin a little higher?

set yourself a goal of happiness: we're all motivated by different things. sometimes, we make a mental goal to ourselves and it becomes blurred and distorted in numbers. but, if your anxiety (like mine) likes to have a thing to measure itself against, choose something that isn't numbers based, but happiness based. did someone tell you this month that your writing/art/gifs made their day? did something you say make them feel better? it's hard, it really is, and i know there will be people reading this and scoffing, but truthfully, one person telling me something i wrote made their day is all a jo really fucking wants. because i'm going to write regardless, it's a choice i make to share it. so, while i gave examples above, that isn't my current goal, but it was a goal i had, and as long as i try to remind myself of that it helps.

which leads me into, try to stay away from the numbers game which i know is hard. but it does nothing for an anxious mind. like, it's a fickle thing. moods change. don't base your worth on a number, you matter far more than it.

accept it's a part of you: this one is more about me, but since you're asking me i thought this is probably allowed. i have a long-term anxiety disorder - which took a long time to get diagnosed - and i have some other little... things that come with that. and for a long time, i felt broken. but, i was reading a self-help book (because your girl loves reading books about brains) and i realised that i have anxiety. it is already part of me. so i need to work with it. anxiety isn\t nice, it's not kind and it's really annoying. but it also makes me empathetic, it makes me care about the work i do (both here and in my day to day life), or makes me compassionate. whether you have it short term or long term, sometimes it's better to accept it's there, acknowledge it, but DON'T FEED IT. have the worries, and then halt them, tell them no. I've found fighting it before I've got the strength doesn't help me. but, waking up, knowing it's there, nodding at it helps keep it in check. this might not make any sense, but, you know.

and finally, the one i'm still working on is: i cannot fix everything and this is fun, so i need to ensure it stays that way for me. which i know isn't really a tip. but it's a good thing to remember. i am one person, it is not on me to check on every single person. it isn't on me to read every single thing. i don't have to engage with things i don't agree with, i don't have to say all my opinions. i can change fandoms. i can not post for a day/week/month. and all i have to do, if i want to, is offer my absolute best. that's it. it's hard. and it's tough to swallow. but sometimes, a jo just needs to be jo.

i am not sure if my rambling has been helpful, but i thought i could list these: plot your fic, find a buddy to talk about things with, surround yourself with good people. but I've said all of these. but the above are things i can do by myself. they are things i can control. and with anxiety, we're all just looking for the things we can manage, and so i based the list in that way. thank you for coming to my jo-talk, i'm going to go hide from being so vulnerable.

[levok]

Hi guys 💜

For everyone's sake, I've disabled the asks for now. I will turn it on again sometime during the weekend.

I have avoided posting any asks containing direct spoilers, so no one sees anything they don't want to see by accident.

So this is the spoiler asks master post. If you don't want to ready any spoilers, then stop here and have a lovely night.

🚨 THIS IS THE OFFICIAL SPOILER ALERT!! 🚨

... Or else, keep reading 👇

Yeah, we all knew Wilhelm would do some sketchy things in this season, but Simon too?? I am very 👀 about that. I don't think you are totally off about that. Because he is obviously not over Wilhelm, and being with Marcus is most likely a way to deal with his trauma (taking back control over his intimacy)... I just don't hope Marcus is too much of a goody boy. I actually kinda want him to also do sketchy things.

Hahah I have so far been wrong about EVERYTHING!!!.. Pray for my Zodiacs 🙏

There will not be a dull moment. how we will solve all this in just 6 eps seems impossible 🥵

This is sweet anon wanted to posted, but the asks was closed. So don't come for me haha.

Me and the Emperor is ready to the rise of LarsMarcus filthy gifs! (sorry Wille hah)

We will get the Wilmon spice in wilhelms dreams 💔 Can't wait for people to analyze Sircus vs Wilmon sex 😂 it will be something!

ofc they will be endgame (whatever that means), but I honestly don't think Sircus will be a thing for more than 1-2 eps. People have just been so hyper fixated on the LT, that they act like this is the main plot of s2.... I really don't think it is. They didn't add Marcus because they were running out of drama.

I assume you mean s2 hehe. But it is really hard to tell what he means with indefensible. It's an interesting word to use... He didn't say unforgivable, which would probably be something you use about a specific act (cheating, killing, beating someone up).

I may be reaching, but wouldn't you use the term indefensible more towards a general behavior? It is also very much up to peoples personal morals what that means. I think him being an utterly douch toward August, and use all his prince privileges to humiliate him could be considered indefensible, since it kinda changes your view on Wilhelm. Wilhelm literally becoming everything Simon hates.

People are just freaking out over Marcus. It's dumb. But I don't care... I love the tone they have set for the season. And I kinda want to see how far they can push peoples morals in defending the characters (myself included).

I know this was aimed towards another anon, but it ended up here since I consider it spoiler enough. At least my answer will be lol..

The thing about shows using the LT trope, is that it is usually added because the show has run out of drama or a problem to solve. So we automatically associate LT with a lackluster mediocre plot line.

YR definitely didn't run out of plot or drama or problems to solve! Sircus will not be the plot that carries the plot line, trust me (how bold of me to still ask you to trust me haha)

It will be GREAT!!... and my answer for the ask above also apply to this.

SAAAME ... Wille being a straight up dick is gonna be gooood. Edvin's acting alone is something I look forward to.

The question is, if the lunch thing will be a private lunch for the society where they have to vote for something, or a lunch with the rest of the students. And will Simon be present? Will wilhelm dare being a dick to August in front of Simon as well?... He knows Simon hates August, so maybe he think he would approve. But Wilhelm showing royal arrogance will not sit well with him.

I really want Simons reaction to Wilhelm asking August to call him Your Highness 🙈

I want Marcus to be sketchy so baad... I don't want him to just be some nice guy. That's too boring... Give me Augusts OG dealer. Or Marcus using Simon. Just something.

WELL haha... I may have been exaggerating for my own good. This message may have been exchanged a while ago..

Let's be honest, you guys didn't want the truth. Just see how some reacts now the truth was revealed haha. But we had a good run, didn't we.

I would honestly love that. Just for the lol. Just to piss on the fans... And so I can repost my original lars post and at least be right about ONE thing 😁

I want them all to be miserable haha. I don't think Marcus can heal baby, but maybe teach him some tricks 😏

Haha go you anon! The LT will be a great sprinkle of suffering.

I really really want those Tommy interviews. Why are they gatekeeping him so hard. I hope he will be on some of their post-premiere promo. And I am very curious to see there energy/chemistry. We know they had A LOT of people applying for Marcus, so I'm sure he is perfect.

Concept approved ✅

How they will make sure the majority doesn't ship Sircus over Wilmon after Wilhelms garbage behavior is something I look very much forward to see 🙈 They can't just trust good will. Also lol at Edvin clarifying that they don't support their behavior - Or the new boyfriend!

Edvin is 19. To him a boyfriend is someone you've fucked once. Omar on the other hand... I'm sure he sees Marcus and Simon as a bit more oklart. unlabeled if I may say.

____________________________________

OKAY guys. that was a LOT! 🥵 I'm over and out ✌️

Hope you are all as excited as me. Talk to y'all later 😙

[ageless-aislynn]

Continuing on with my Mass Effect: Andromeda playthrough GIFfing post, um, thing! Here's an entire post dedicated to Scott, since he's only had one playthrough so far versus the, like, 6 that Sara has had, lol! 🤷‍♀️😉

Okay, I knew that Cora would have one of the most "complete" romances in terms of how many scenes (and the spice level, oh my! *fans self* 😇😉) they have but I was still surprised at all of the smaller touches as well. Little moments where her dialogue changed or how she started telling him to be safe when their dialogues finished (instead of her standard "I'll be here" sign off). She also had a great character arc that felt even more poignant in some ways, going from anger and hurt that Alec didn't choose her as his successor as Pathfinder to accepting her place as the Pathfinder's second to finally falling in love with him. I really enjoyed this romance a lot! 😍

Scott's still going to totally romance everybody else he can, though. Sorry, Cora, I'm on a mission of lurrrrve when it comes to the Ryder twins. We're romancing everybody. 😶😂

BUT! Here was THE SHOCKING ROMANCE I NEVER EXPECTED: Scott and Harry, who was supposed to be the Tempest's doctor but who stayed behind to care for Sara while she's in her coma...

Their love defies physics! 😂

Random dude: *shocked face* then... *starts shipping it and is already writing fanfic in his head as we speak* 😇

Sara: "Come on, guys, right here? In front of my salad comatose body?"

😂.

However, Scott not only won the hearts of Cora and Harry, he also earned the devotion of...

Zap (aka the Remnant VI)! 😳🤗 Zap is one of your "tech powers" that you use in combat but is not available in non-combat places. So, just as you can't draw a weapon on the ship, you shouldn't be able to call a tech power here either. But Zap was clearly worried about Scott and followed him back to the Tempest make sure he was okay. D'aww, I love Zap! He's legit saved my bacon more times that I can count, actually! 💖

And, lastly...

We all know how the Ryder twins love to bust a move!

Vetra: *goes to stand and stare at the wall, having an existential crisis*

Cora: "Scott, I love you but you can't just-- no, wait, please don't click that dance prompt again!"

Scott: *click*

And that concludes our look at Scott's run as Pathfinder! I was going to do a faster playthrough for him but... I felt bad at making him a kinda lousy Pathfinder by ignoring all the side quests! 😞 So, while I didn't seek out a few I knew were there, anybody who asked him for help, got help. I played him as a lovable dork with a heart of gold, d'aww, bless. 🤗😉

Next time, we'll be meeting a brand-new Sara whose appearance is based on... me! (Okay, so as much "me" as I could get without modding and just using the basic character creator AND allowing for the fact that none of my long or short hair styles were available annnnnd that I've never been that thin in my life. So, let's call it an idealized version of me, lol! But still, it actually got my hair and eye colors pretty darn close. 😉) 💖

Later, gators! 🤗🤗🤗

[nachosncheeze]

Blindspot Mid-Season 3 Parallels

I made a thoughts post for the beginning and middle of the season, and I said there that I'd make another post about parallels because, while I am still working on some gifsets, many of the biggest parallels this season are wider themes that are sort of spread out over many episodes and harder to encapsulate in small clips; words might do them more justice. My thoughts are interspersed here too, but I've tried to keep most of it more observational than opinions.

*** Okay first a side note. A lot of content I have seen for mid-season 3 seems to have felt the need, as I have up to now, to add extensive “I don’t support it” disclaimers about Jane's secret, but it can get a bit exhausting to repeat. So before I say anything else, here’s my blanket disclaimer: Cheating and infidelity suck. Jeller were not a couple when Weller kept tripping over his own penis every time he got a little sad. This post is about thematic parallels, not infidelity per se, so while it's impossible to not reference it, I'm not here to pass judgment on the semantics of whether or not what either of them did “counted” or "was worse". I also recognize that lying to someone about their own child is a dick move no matter why you did it. I'M NOT SAYING ANYONE'S NOT A JERK. EVERYONE SUCKS HERE. Last thought: BLESS the writers for their lil self-pisstake vis-a-vis fan reactions when Rich was talking about Friends in season 4. Anyway, I’m not gonna rehash any of that so I trust anyone reading this to keep this disclaimer in mind from here on out.

On to the parallels.

1. The Return of Ye Dreaded Season 1 Baggage

In my other post I mentioned that a lot of people have identified issues/challenges with the writing this season, but I have to give props to the creative team for finding what each half of Jeller would probably see as the single biggest gut punch and betrayal possible, calling back to their baggage from all the way back in season 1. Weller lied to Jane and withheld critical information about her past and identity; Jane went behind Weller's back working (and also briefly working, wheyyy) outside the law with another man.

Could the writers have found other ways to dredge up those wounds? Maybe, but personally I really don't mind the routes they chose. (To be clear I also don't judge or begrudge anyone who comes down on either side, and I’ve enjoyed fics that explore or give more weight to different sides of the drama.) I also don't mind that this parallel is so much more subtly displayed - and it is a little subtle; I'm working on a gifset for it and it's hard to pick and choose moments that encapsulate or illustrate it in just a handful of images. So many of Blindspot's parallels are case-by-life or shot-by-shot or phrase-by-phrase, I think it's neat that there are some you kind of have to think and squint to see, even if they're annoying to gif.

2. I'm sorry, you did WHAT while I was in hell? And you're telling me this now?!

I think this one probably gets lost in all the surprise/anger about the cheating and disappointment over the cursory on-screen reunion, but I think it’s really worth noting the circumstances in which each half of Jeller found out about the other’s dalliances while they were apart in the hiatuses. Jane found out that Allie was pregnant - and you know she did the math on when that happened the moment Allie said how far along she was - in the middle of a dangerous mission; and Jane had to completely shelf her feelings to complete the mission, get Allie to safety, and save Kurt's unborn child. Weller found out about what Jane had done with Clem just as they were about to embark on a dangerous mission, and he had to completely shelf his feelings and work with Clem to rescue her kidnapped child.

What you have here is two heartbroken people who are barely even on speaking terms at the time, but are nonetheless so devoted to each other and so dedicated to doing what’s right that even in the awful moment they received gut-wrenching news that makes it seem almost hopeless that they could ever bridge that gap... they lock down the pain and rise to the occasion in the fiercest way to keep each other's daughters safe.

I've already made a gifset about this one. :)

3. How Very DARE You. (a huge betrayal of trust)

I’ve seen a lot of commentary to the effect that “Allie wasn’t the same” or "Nas wasn't the same" because of the relationship status, i.e., Weller was single. Absolutely true! At this juncture, please recall my disclaimer. Because there's another parallel there that does make Jane and Weller's betrayals pretty much equivalent imo, but trying to compare the two situations on just "shipping"/sexytimes grounds leaves out a giant elephant from the season 1/2 rooms.

In season 3, Jane holds Weller's heart in her hands, and she betrays that trust in a huge way. But long before wedding rings were involved, Weller was bound to Jane in a very serious, albeit non-ship way. And he, too, made shitty decisions that were clear violations of that particular brand of trust. In season 2 (and even season 1 after Mayfair's arrest) Weller was Jane's boss at times when Pellington was no fan and every other agency was gunning for her. She was entirely dependent on the FBI for her income, the roof over her head, and by season 2 even her freedom and her human rights. His advocacy was sometimes the only thing standing between her and the loss of every one of those things. And the worst part? He wouldn’t have even had to do anything to cost her everything. His inaction was all it would have taken - if he’d gotten angry enough to glance the other way again, or even just gotten distracted at the wrong moment, she could have found herself destitute if not back in an actual torture chamber.

Her position only got more fragile and her dependency on him more intense once her cover was blown and Roman was in custody, when they could hang all those same threats against her brother over her head, too. In my opinion, it’s not an exaggeration to say that in the early days of the Sandstorm mission, Weller literally held Jane's whole life in his hands. But he still ostracized her; he called everyone out in a briefing but made little attempt to set a better example for the team to treat her civilly. We also shouldn't lose sight that it was his refusal to talk or listen that created the circumstances leading to her torture, and there didn't seem to be any explicit assurance in those early days afterwards that her personal safety was anything more than a coincidental byproduct - or maybe even a necessary evil - of the transaction forced upon her by the NSA. Those alone go hard against the duty of care, and then somewhere in there, even as the camaraderie between them improved, he still knowingly chose to keep sleeping with the person who was leveling these threats and spying on her most intimate thoughts almost daily. Kurt's shitty behavior didn't come in the form of a single act with a big reveal like Jane's did, but workplace bullying, or a series of middle fingers and emotional slaps to the face against someone who can't leave spread liberally across many episodes, is still a betrayal. When we zoom out from the "ship", each took their turn failing in their responsibilities to the other in a pretty spectacular way.

4. The audience is angry because we empathize (structural parallel)

The lovely @kate-dammit-run and a few others made some really excellent discussion posts back when 3x09-12 aired, that pointed out some pretty significant similarities in story structure between seasons 2 and 3 (and also, how the fandom mood was similar in each case, though I wasn't here at the time so can't personally comment on that). To summarize:

In the front half of each season, the audience is overwhelmingly shown only one half of the pair's experience when they were apart in hiatus, and that sets us up to take sides emotionally. In season 2, we see that Jane was tortured, and continues to feel guilty and beat herself up over everything, taking reckless chances and accepting all the poor treatment leveled at her; in season 3, we're shown that Weller had an awful time the whole time she was gone and that something happened in Berlin that was so dire Roman can blackmail him, and he's continuing to beat himself up over whatever it was. The only thing we know about Weller in the s1/2 hiatus is that he [maybe] knocked up Allie fairly quickly after Jane was gone; the only thing we know about Jane in the s2/3 hiatus is that she was doing K&R and met a host of shady characters that we only know a few of by name. In either case, we watch one of them suffer while they struggle - almost one-sided - to restore and preserve the bond they had, while the other kind of just gets on with things as if nothing happened. The audience is primed to be more sympathetic to one than the other. So while Jane is absolutely a hypocrite this season to be so mean to Weller over Berlin when she was hiding something too, Weller was a hypocrite last season to be so mean to Jane when telling her they thought she was born in Africa could have stopped the whole damn conspiracy in its tracks, and the audience is systematically primed to be angry at each in turn.

5. This hurts... FUCK EVERYTHING *Tasmanian Devil/human tornado noises*

In each season, one of the two is really not in their right mind. For Weller this was obvious from the moment he found Taylor's bones, and was confirmed time and again by his bottles of scotch among other things. Jane loses some stability when she first finds out she had a daughter (seriously, the way she visibly begins to retreat, bit by bit, from those first few episodes as the "your Remi is showing" treasure that is Fewer Fucks Jane™ into something more like the Jane we knew in seasons 1 and 2, is a great move from the writers imo and a brilliant bit of acting by Jaimie). She really loses it though when she finds out about Berlin, and then she's every bit as irrational as Weller once was. The contrast in how they each approach pain and their character growth in that arena are roughly parallel too, even if they're moving in opposite directions. Jane once dealt with pain by lying down and taking it, but after being forced to "find herself out there", she comes back with an approach that's more Remi-esque, which is to say, pain prompts an almost immediate defense that manifests as anger. Weller, on the other hand, used to deal with negative emotions by turning into a bit of a human volcano and erupting everywhere, but after he has Bethany, he's more prone to pleading and earnest displays of emotion as Jane once was, than he is to seething anger.

Love two crazy people who manage to kind of even each other out once they finally talk about shit.

5.(a) You were protecting yourself

This isn't a big theme parallel, but I wanted to add it as an adjunct to the above. @indelibleevidence has pointed out the excellent parallel between how Jane responds to the Avery's death reveal versus how Weller once responded to the Emma's murder reveal. I may gif this later if I have time, because it's really, really apt, and not only does it stand as a parallel on its own, it also illustrates to an extent how Jeller's responses to pain have gone through a role reversal.

There are undoubtedly tons of other parallels between season 3 and seasons 1/2, but those are the big ones that I'm finding most challenging to summarize in gif form. So there you have it! Let me know if you spot any more, I'll make gifsets as part of the series, or add them here!

[kosdaoziro]

Escaping self-made creative Imprisonment

First, I'd like to clarify that this blog post is not in any way an announcement I'm ending this blog. Indeed, I'm actually trying to write more here, but the main topics are stuff I've already covered, so there's a bit less ground to cover.

(can you believe I can't find a gif of this animation? Crazy)

No, instead of a cancelation, this blog post is about making space for what your heart desires when things you've done before get in the way, using Annihilation.

What? How does that even happen?

It is not controversial to say that most people have what can be classified as "ambitions". These are things they have not yet reached, but desire to.

Ambitions themselves are not evil. If it was not for ambition, there would be no improvement in the world, as those content with the world wouldn't see a reason to change.

However, an ambition is like a knife: The goodness of it is about the context of what's being cut. Cutting vegetables for a stew? Good. Cutting someone (including yourself)? Bad.

(No, I don't know if that's an apple, onion, or something else)

Some ambitions, those made that disadvantage others, are obviously bad, but not all bad ambitions are obviously bad or bad in all contexts.

What can make an ambition bad?

Besides the obvious ones, where fulfilling it would bring unnecessary harm (of any form) to others, the main way an ambition can be bad is if it is blocking your ability to do other things that are important to you.

An ambition is Blocking if fulfilling it, or thinking of fulfilling it, "blocks" you from other necessary or enjoyable tasks. Too often, I at least, get into states where I can't do things because I've convinced myself I have to get something else done first.

There can be cases where having a blocking ambition can be motivating, but there are limits. If a blocking ambition can be solved in a few minutes to an hour or so, it can be a good way to get yourself to do something.

However, there are two common problems with this:

Problem 1: You don't do it anyway.

Sometimes, despite the fact it won't actually take that long, you keep putting it off. This can spiral into a feeling of guilt over being "lazy" and that can make it even harder, reinforcing the feelings of laziness.

The solution depends on the ambition. You need to evaluate if the passion for it is truly still there.

If there is passion for it, use that passion to push you to it. Remind yourself of how important it is to you, and how it'll feel to complete it.

If the passion for it is gone, stop forcing it. You can always go back to it if it returns, and annihilate it if there isn't.

Problem 2: The ambition is too long term or ambiguous.

This is the far more insidious problem. Humans, for our many strengths, are creatures motivated by short term payoffs and rewards. Sometimes comically so.

(if you know about reward psychology, you get this reference)

If removing a block would come too far in the future, even if you put all the effort and time in that you can, to some part of your brain, it's as if that block is never going away.

And because the reward of the block being removed vanishes to the most base instincts of your brain, so does the power of the block to motivate. Instead, it feels more like an obligation thrust on you, even though you were the one that made it.

Yeah this sounds pretty bad to me. How do I get out of it?

You annihilate the blocking ambition, or at least the blocks.

If you've read the linked post or others discussing Giratina on this blog before, you've heard Annihilation used in this context before. In essence, it's destroying something you created to get the energy back from it. The name is inspired by what happens when Antimatter, which Giratina represents, collides with normal matter.

For an ambition, to annihilate is to tell yourself to not be burdened by the idea of fulfilling it anymore. To say to yourself, "This is no longer something I want."

Letting go of an ambition can be scary. Especially if you've put serious effort into it. You might be afraid you don't have anything else you want to do with yourself.

But it's easy to let this fear get in the way of what you really want. To think it'll "just be worth it in the end" or "it would disappoint people if I didn't go through with this". If you have to justify the time you spent to yourself, give the ambition a critical look.

If it's not as easy as just deciding to not do it anymore, such as if your financial stability depends on it, then make efforts to look into an exit plan. If the ambition does pay off or the desire to do it comes back, you've already got a backup for next time. If it doesn't, you'll be happier that you started working on a way out before the stress is ruinous.

Man, this post is pretty cool! Where could I go to learn more or talk with other people who like these? Or just talk Pokémon in general?

You're in luck there, I have a Discord Server! We're currently planning our next group activity, and are a small community looking to grow!

Plus, there's a secret Pokemon Unite Project that'll be happening with it... well, before 2023.

[sun-undone]

An analysis of JJ's reaction to the square groupers in 1x02

This was requested by the lovely @somewhere2start thank you so much for the support, and i hope you find this interesting!! :)

(disclaimer: i have really only scratched the surface on all the research surrounding defenses, coping mechanisms, and abuse survivors, so i am highly encouraging you to do your own research if you're interested in this topic! i can recommend some super informative starter articles that i've found really helpful, so feel free to dm me if you want ☺️)

Body language

Okay so when John B and JJ go to Lana's house to try to get some info from her, they hear the square groupers trashing the place and threatening her. JJ immediately looks way more worried and anxious than John B, who really looks more curious than anything throughout this whole scene (at least that's how i read his expressions). Maybe Rudy is just a more expressive actor than Chase, but he really does such complex JJ work especially in these first few episodes to establish the character, so I'd like to think that it's deeper and more intentional than just their different acting styles.

I love how you can clearly see JJ trying to hang back and stay away from the house, despite John B continuing to move forward. That last screenshot in particular is really telling. When both boys first hear the crashing from inside the house, they immediately crouch into a kind of defensive "ready stance". But while John B has straightened back up after the initial scare, JJ stays at the ready, maybe without even realizing it.

Defenses and coping mechanisms

JJ's first instinct when he senses danger here is to make a joke, saying that they should come back another time because "it's a little too soon" to visit Lana after her husband has just died. Humor in stressful situations is actually considered a mature defense mechanism, as it's seen as an attempt to diffuse tension and raise collective spirits without ignoring or distorting that tension. From what I've seen so far (and i've only recently started analyzing JJ through the lens of defense mechanisms so this is really just up through 1x07), humor seems to be the only mature defense that we see him consistently use, so good for him

Other than that defense, which is used more as a way to handle the internal feelings that result from a stressor, we can also look at what coping mechanisms he uses here, which are used in response to the external stressor itself.

Judging by the very obvious way that JJ immediately starts pulling away from the house and John B, I think it's safe to say that his avoidant coping mechanisms are taking charge here. This type of coping mechanism is a big one for JJ, especially as it relates to the abuse that he has suffered (we can see this shine in 1x07). Instead of wanting to investigate or even intervene, his instinct is to leave the situation as soon as he perceives it as violent, and that instinct persists throughout the scene. I think in terms of what JJ has been through, this type of coping mechanism sadly makes a lot of sense because it is very much survival-based. He's in fight-or-flight, and his body is choosing flight.

There are other times throughout the series when JJ definitely chooses fight over flight, and I honestly do think that that is his more characteristic response based on all the times we've seen him jump directly into the action. BUT this situation is different because he and John B are not in direct danger yet. In most other circumstances, the Pogues are the object of the violence, but here, they're actually bystanders, so JJ's response is interestingly different.

I also love the detail of JJ running up to the house to pull John B away from the window (stupid without a gif but you know what i'm talking about).

Although he wants nothing more than to leave right now, of course he's gonna protect his family above all else, which trumps that instinctual "defense mode". He's not only hyper-concerned with protecting himself, but also with protecting John B. This moment once again shows how JJ is more in-tune with the danger of the situation than John B is, and so he may either unconsciously or consciously step up his protective instincts as well as his own personal survival instincts.

Some sciency explanation

Sufferers of physical abuse or other violent childhood trauma tend to have developed a heightened sensitivity to cues that may signal potential threats, like tones of voice or facial expressions. They are even more likely to incorrectly misattribute ambiguous cues as hostile. Because of this, I think it's incredibly probable that JJ really is in full-on defense mode, while John B, although he realizes that the square groupers are dangerous, doesn't take it quite as seriously.

If we wanna get super technical and bring neurobiology into it (which i'm always down to do), it's likely that, compared to John B's brain, JJ's brain (specifically, connections between the amygdala and superior temporal gyrus) has been trained to be more sensitive to threat cues and is thus able to send a higher amount of signals that activate the fight-or-flight response incredibly efficiently (perhaps too efficiently at times).

Despite both of them experiencing the same event, JJ is probably feeling a heightened sense of danger down to a biological level, which shows through his jerky, defensive body language and avoidant attitude.

[roleplayerconfessions]

689908921297764352

Okay, I'll bite.

Your small sampling of roleplayers is not an indication, in any capacity, that all or even most roleplayers put their activity status in their blog. So it's not that simple. Also, "low activity" and "high activity" strictly means the rate at which someone posts. Activity level. Activity has nothing to do with post content. These posts could be anything, not just roleplaying. You could be high activity and post a billion graphics but not a single thread. You could be low activity and post only a thread reply every, let's say six months. I'm one of the people who prefers to follow people who don't just post gifs, but I'm still okay with "low activity blogs". Don't confuse the two.

A lot of people approach me to roleplay with me, insist they're going to start roleplaying "soon", then they never do. (Same with the "I'm going to post this weekend", which turns into "this month", which turns into "I'm on this other blog"). Both of which are fine, but as a long-term roleplayer, I can't manage this. I burn tf out. I can't speak for others, but after this happened ten or twenty times to me, I gave up on that. Now I don't follow someone unless I see they've actually roleplayed somewhat already. I already do avoid blogs that indicate they're short-term.

Same as 2. And again, most people will just avoid blogs like that if, like someone else has already said, there is simply no evidence that indicates they RP. People can't look at a blank blog and confidently say the person RPs elsewhere unless there's actually indication of it, and I'm sure nobody is going to ask them because that could come off as invasive, right? A lot of people hide roleplays (notably smut) off-site because they don't want people knowing everything they do, so if it's not voluntarily mentioned, it's probably not a good idea to ask, especially in the current uh, social climate.

When you say people "aren't looking hard enough", it sounds like you haven't the faintest clue what being a long-term roleplayer actually entails. And if you are a long-term roleplayer, you aren't coming off like you're respecting people who are. If you take one look at my blog, the density of my writing, and the detailed stories I'm looking to write, you could not tell me with a straight face it would be easy to find partners on tumblr. You could not tell me with a straight face that people who regularly remake (and drop or create muses) are "few" in numbers and not a very, very large portion of the RPC on this site. Of course not everything is meant to be accessible, but that is far beyond the point the last few ask(s?) have made. I would wager 1% of roleplayers are even a match for someone like me and my partners (I have found two after four years of searching), and that's before you even consider if the muses and mun personalities are compatible. If I'm not trying hard enough, tell me: how many blogs do you see where the threads have lasted more than a few months? Six months? A year? Where the plots aren't just simple premises, but full-blown stories with beginnings, middles, and ends, because they were given the time needed to develop? Where there are more than two or three replies? And if not single threads, then series of threads. People who strictly write long-term things don't often advertise or promo their blogs either, because they never get any bites, so that makes it even harder to just find blogs by association with others. You have no earthly idea how much time I've spent looking for writers like that on tumblr and come up with nothing, and I'm still looking. I'm sure at least one person's reaction here will be to assume maybe it's an attitude problem or something, and I assure you (or anyone else who instinctively thinks that is an explanation that can make everything I've said here moot) that I'm very kind to people, I don't whine or post negativity, and I stay in my lane. It's a matter of availability between long-term and short-term blogs. And there are just more short-term than long-term blogs. This is a social media website geared first and foremost toward content sharing and trends, so that is almost a given.

In response to this ask about this submission.

[coralsgrimes]

“Also I don't understand the point of getting himself more followers? Is this just to have excuses for more nursery rhymes? It helps nothing to get his name out there or for engagement like...? Is this just another one of them thingies that he thinks makes him look cool?”

The shortest answer is vanity, something our lil lion boy has in excess. Unless he decides to go the influencer route, more followers on Instagram are not gonna get him more job opportunities. In fact, I feel like some of the most successful actors and actresses don’t even have socials, because it’s useless for their careers and can have a negative impact on their psyche since even when you’re well liked and a good person someone will always find a way to shit on you.

Honestly, it’s hard to say what Ben’s plans are long term. Aside from his upcoming two singing gigs, the premiere of his soon-to-be cancelled show, and a convention in May, he has no other projects lined up, that I know of. I understand (to a degree) wanting to take only main roles, but I feel like that’s only possible if you’re already an established good actor or you’re a nepo baby, neither of whom he is.

The most pressing issue I see is his constant association with bad people. Like I can kinda understand falling for the wrong person, but actively seeking out/hanging out with people who are known Scientologists and predators and abusers? At what point does it stop being simple coincidences? There’s a saying in my country that goes: “show me your friends and I’ll tell you who you are”. If we apply this to Benny, it does not bode well for him lol 😬

This is so deliciously long 🧚🏻‍♀️ imma not the only one writing paragraphs on paragraphs anymore bless

So lemme agree with ye! I mean that's the word I've been missing, vanity. Boy's only sure thing is that he vain. Now I have that stupid song in me head but worth it x.x true that socials give him no leverage cuz he ain't no fucking model. Tho he an actor who uses fangirls praises instead of moisturizer. And also let us not forget that he is the one who manages his socials and he's soooooo embarrassingly bad at it xd he a show pony lol if he not engaging them fans into that parasocial protect me imma just a babe circus, who gonna be interested in him otherwise?

I'd say his plans long term do not exist. He done that Ian McKellen film last summer, so that's gotta premiere sometimes in the future. He deff only a supporting part in that one. Other than thaaaat... Yep everyone is busy and booked and our boy is...... partially on unemployment and partially the first name on call sheet for the new skyrizi ad x.x his weird need for a franchise, big studio shite and main parts is like so far from reality? Cuz ye sure he got the Narnia part just outta nowhere but it a) took him nowhere and he failed to capitalise what bits it gave him, b) it's not working like this anymore, and c) he is very bland, has no brand, is getting older AND there is like at least 10 guys who look just like him and there's nothing about him that singles him out out of them. Like he really thinks he can do more, or he deserves more, but in reality he has no star power or even some unexpected hidden acting talents. He lost his chance a while back now, and what we witnessing now is boy lying to himself like. Tell me one instance where he could be actually considered for a role but skip fancasts based on two gifs from 2009 and his pretty face... Impossible right?

The music is just???? Ye I get the oooo it was me dream but like, ye see it not working out right? Ye see yerself failing? He basically buying himself that dream of his which is both sad and shows how privileged he is lol good for him for doing his dream job (his dream before was acting tho hmmmm) but like it only brings him down when it comes to the career that he still might do something about, see a hallmark film!! Also it's a very bad look on him lol it smells of jobless man who was told YES his whole life. His music is like that Beckham kid cooking lol

One thingy is obvious lol he acts like he set for life and then is in an ad, not an celeb endorsement, a fucking no name guy in a broadband ad.

Ye know, the last part. I always get shit in me inbox when I mention anything of this sort. But like ye absolutely right. We have similar sayings in me part of the world too and that's cuz this shite is universally true.

Imma not saying that he himself is a shitstain of their tier, but he does associate with very very bad people. And he continuously does so. Fairy queen and miss Lima, just to begin with. He friendsies with them, they do shite and are around shite people, they apologize. And then he friendsies with them still and they CONTINUE to repeat their behaviour cuz they only apologized to get the peeps off their cases. His brother, D'elia, was his brother up to the point when the allegations against him had hit the mainstream. Were they around before? Yes!! but no one was picking it up so it was still safe to say imma proud of ye brother. As the joke goes, if I had a nickel for every guy that is a sex pest and wants to be a cult leader and ye can SOMEHOW connect him to Benny, I'd have at least two...

I was shitting on him and that stylist. And guess what??? Ye I've got some messages saying that I'm AGAIN creating problems where there are none. And this other one saying that maybe he does not know...

And to the first shite I will say what I always do. I know his fangirls have that easy excuse of private life and always run with it. Like okie, I have no business to know shite all about his family, who he fucks or anything of this sort. Will give ye that. BUT when he goes and publicity frames himself as an ally and concerned guy, AND then in his private life is an absolute opposite of it? Then no, the excuse ain't working babe. As me always say either deliver on what ye saying or shut the fuck up.

Following from that, and onto the maybe he did not know... No? Like impossible to not know?

He goes and says BLM and then is okie with wearing a no no brand that is widely known for making money on racial stereotypes, whose owners are just racist pieces of shite. Beside that they are both sexists and homophobes who say shite outta this earth and think they can cuz they rich white gays. And like it's not something only known in the fashion spheres, it's everywhere.

And then there's miss Urbinati... He went for her clearly cuz she running with cool boys. So he got to look her over. He wanted her, he employs her so it's not private life, it's public and for exposure. Other netflix kids around him have other stylist so I was expecting him to go there. Yet here we are. She very vocally standing behind a guy who is currently on trial for several counts of sexual assault. Her scientology ties are so obvious it hurts. Like I dunno what to tell ye all.

Person he employs is VERY CLEARLY in a known group of people who are either predators or are ok with being around predators, and some other friends of his are in that group as well. And then he goes and says stand up for her. Like bitch as I'm the one creating problems x.x

Back to ye now! Sorry! Ye say yourself, does not bode well for him :c it is just icky and very unpleasant. The worst thing? He lives in an environment where no one cares, he surrounded by people who do not care. He seemingly cares only about his flat ass and his fangirls are cool with that cuz of some fantasies they have about him and some superiority cuz they don't do gossip. In the end it's going to be a 'he did not know', 'who are we to say' and boy clicking that unfollow button and deleting pics. Happened before.

And another thing just for reference if anyone still not getting it. Kind of a recurrence on me blog, but gbv, especially against minors, is very concerning for me personally and if I see it I will point it out. And it is so reoccurring topic here because our boy happened to get his name around people and situations that are fucking not okay. Not fucking accusing him of anything, just pointing out concerning stuff that keeps on happening.

[castle-dominion]

c4x15 pandora

Liveblog

oh I feel like this is a little bit plot heavy but not really

THIS one is the who killed markiplier episode with a billion causes of death! Ye! tho tbh I remember this one & it is kind of intellectually stimulating & I am not on my meds yet this morning, I just took my meds I forgot last night & I want to give it some time in between to prevent nausea

MR: Oh, you’re making me your fabulous pasta Carbonara. Ohh, you shouldn’t have.

RC: I didn't

Castle is so allowed to be concerned for his baby's internship

(I've seen gifs tho ik what it is)

Your better half lol martha

MR: Ah, ah, ah, ah. My lips are sealed.

RC: Then you won’t be using them to eat my…pasta Carbonara.

MR: (sigh)All right. Well, let me say this. This internship has my personal Seal of Approval.

RC: That doesn’t make me feel any better.

hellacious? that a word? Is it the 80s?

LP: No I.D., but lots of causes of death.

RC: You mean, other than gravity?

LP: Oh, yeah. See that bullet wound?

[Lanie shines a light on the corpse.]

KB: So, he was shot before he fell?

LP: And stabbed.

KB: Shot and stabbed?

LP: And choked, and has a pencil jammed in the side of his neck.

RC: ouwa!? Gives new meaning to the term “overkill.”

JE+AC: *don't make eye contact don't make eye contact don't make eye contact*

RC, leaving, absent-mindedly: Hey alexis

AC, approaching Dr Parish: Hey *don't look suspicious don't look suspicious*

RC:

RC: ALEXIS????

jdshafkjshdfjk great interaction

RC: It’s—I just—I don’t know if you should be exposed to crime scenes and dead bodies.

AC: Oh, I’m already used to it. It’s equal parts gross and cool.

LP: I heard that and I couldn’t agree with you more.

You really don't bleed that fast. & if you're wearing clothes it wouldn't happen like that. I've even done autosurgery & it would be hard to get a trail of blood that bloody.

He did not stand there for "a minute" he stood there for like two seconds while he opened the door, judging by how close the other droplets of blood are

KR: *talking abt the case* *watching the video* ,, Hey. Pretty cool about Alexis’ internship. *looks at castle* Or Not.

tbh I would totally keep the sandwich in my hand when it is in the air & I'd bring it with me

Ooh holy crap ryan's jacket is navy blue with black plaid-type stripes patterning it & it's pretty af, & then he's wearing a nice light blue shirt with no tie. I wish we got to see more of Luke Reichle's pants & shoes. That man is the bomb.

She's so calm talking abt her kidnapping & murder threat

Tina Massey: All he told me was that the man doesn’t exist.

Cut to LP: The man doesn’t exist as far as I can tell.

more broken bones than Evel Knievel. You’re not gonna believe his x-rays. I WANT TO SEE THE X-RAYS LETME SEE

Espt is looking nice today. Deep red maybe burdungy dress shirt & tie, grey jacket.

& Gage is gone!

Look up! Look up! People never look up!

Nice music

RC: Okay, hang on. Listen to me. I’m glad you weren’t there, because the kind of person who took John Doe’s body is the kind of person who wouldn’t think twice about hurting whoever got in the way.

That is the truth

VG: I assume he snuck out of the back exit.

KR:

JE:

KR: Actually, he went out through the front door

They call them blues, huh. Like how us chefs call them our whites.

btw I can't help but think that his name is phineas gage, the guy with the railroad pipe in his head or smth.

Whose desk is that??? Why is espt not doing this on his own computer? Why was he standing hunched over instead of sitting? Esp since he sits down now?

caskett outfits are also pretty btw.

Hold on the bullet is still in her head. She was shot in the back of the head & since there is no huge horrible exit wound or any exit wound at all, the bullet must still be in there. But where did all the blood come from? She is still bleeding out her nose but that would not have been enough blood

What is with ryan's shirt today? It seems pink but the collar (nice wide collar btw) is white.

Stay put to keep an eye on the body lol

Steaming cup of tea, sus.

& she lost her gun many times but always gets it back & it's ryan who is traumatized by 3xk having his gun

LP: Crazy. [...] The fact that Richard Castle, a man unburdened by regret and guilt, has a child that carried the weight of the world.

Well there was the time drug sellers stole their body

LP: Bodies just don't disappear

*enters a house with no body*

omg a NUMBER PAD for floors?? You have THAT MANY?

wait older bro said that the hospital he works at has number pads too nvm it can't be that much

*sexy lady walks up to castle*

Are we going to get to see Agent Gray?

So it's the detective beckett of the cia.

lmao treason is punishable by death? Screw that. U shouldn't be allowed to kill people & treason is a weird concept in the first place.

Thomas gage speaks 11 languages? I want that. He speaks english, german, french, spanish, portugese, greek, russian, arabic, cantonese, mandarin, urdu,

the cia: *does all the crap they did, a lot of which is a matter of public record*

The cia: *surprised pikachu when someone goes rogue*

Y'all sent ONE person to go pick up gage?

Becks has cell service down here?

Beckett you probably SHOULD have asked if u could answer seeing as you're in the cia & all

JE: She has a notation in her day planner, but all it says is....... *finds it & clicks on it even tho it is literally one word & I'm sure he could have remembered* “Pandora.”

Wow spies how sus.

What work have they done? Y'all are insane & stupid & lmao these spy stories are so weird & stupid.

Girl no you are not the cop here

RC: Ooh, wait. I’ve gotta see those direct-dial icons they put on our phones.

*beckett's has a CIA logo; castle's is a panic button*

ngl I feel bad for gates

Walks right thru espt lol

KR: So, seriously, what’s going on?

KB: Guys, I’m sorry. We really can’t talk about it.

JE: Come on. This is us.

*Beckett gives them a look*

*They turn to Castle bc they know they won't get it out of beckett & a musical bass plays*

RC: No. Hey, sorry, boys. Classified. Top secret. Our eyes only. Defcon 1. & if I did tell you, well, *looks them up & down* then I’d have to kill you.

JE, stepping forward a bit: Yeah? Good luck with that.

RC: Yeah, realistically, that’s not—

JE: I’m gonna go on record and say that this sucks.

KR: Sucks.

Mum def noticed the chess clock

castle adhd moments

woah that is pricey af! I'm glad I live in canada where we have space

Ew. It's like that tiktok trend where girls that are "not like other girls" show off by talking cars. Who cares? Cars are boring to me but cool to you good job have fun but I don't care. I like rocks & minerals & rocks are a dirty boy thing but do you care? no!

who laps whoM

Castle's right

Car phone?

Oh lol. *69?

Whoa ok that was fast & seemingly risky. I watched that at 1/16 speed & still idk what's going on it's so fast

Why phones on the ground tho... please don't break them ugh ok fine whatever. That's spy stuff for you

KB: (whisper) Castle. *Beckett turns on her flashlight. She finds Castle cringing.*

KB: Castle, what are you doing?

RC: Bracing myself to shield you from a hail of bullets. *goes back to cringing*

KB: Yeah, well, that’s very gallant of you, but you can stop bracing. I think he left.

RC: Oh. Man, my life was passing before my eyes. I think I lost track of time.

Punch out the tail light?

Aren't you supposed to tell people where you are going now?

KB: ... You pressed the panic button, didn’t you?

RC: Well, if there was ever a time to panic, I think this was it.

KB: Yeah, especially since it was Detective Ryan who found it.

Sophia Turner: By using all the coolest toys.

Just like Jesse or Jacquie or whoever the fbi lady was.

Edit:Jordan shaw

What if it was a call NOT to new jersey or OVER 60 seconds?

Math guy? Tracy was a math fellow too

lmao spy shit & USA shit

As a deaf person: no

Tracy played chess

Sus girly

*says their plan right in front of the cia elevator boy*

that would be a sad job you're a highly trained spy & your job is to stand in the elevator

surprised her hair is that nice

RC: I’m not in a--… How did you find out about that? No, wait. Let me guess. Beckett to Lanie to Alexis to you.

RC: Is nothing sacred?

MR: Not much.

What if it is not a chess play maybe it is people & locations

JE: I found one from ten years ago. Tracy and a bunch of her grad student friends went on a white-water rafting trip with a Dr. Blakely, their professor, although it wasn't a good time for him. He drowned during the trip.

*Esposito hands Beckett the accident report.*

KB: So he faked his death and Tracy was in on it.

JE: WHO faked his death-- BLAKELY??

[ugh the way his voice cracks a bit on "blakely" oof]

*Esposito grabs the report back.*

KB: Uheuah… I'm sorry. I can't tell you.

JE, shaking head: You know, a man can only take so much.

RC: She isn't my partner. You are.

That little smile he loves her

I don't want to ask a question.

*asks question*

sus

Vulnerability assessment...?

Big bro didn't realize this was POST 2008

y u asking abt the linchpin? He wouldn't trust u

dun dun dun & then he dies & then the car goes omg bro open a window before u go under

aaaand they're under. If you are in a car, you must open the window BEFORE you get under the water.

Ok that is the end of the disc. I just watched the blue butterfly & I saw the commentary recently too so I won't be transcribing that today. The deleted scene is good tho. Alexis is talking abt all her internships & says she's going to apply to them all & whichever ones she does NOT get into, well, good. It eliminates them for her. Good idea.

Welp that was fun. I might go back & film some clips to post obsessively now.

[translucent-at-best]

Scatter-brained...

Midnight album releases 🤝🏾 Living on the west coast

Charged my phone and my earphones and had a blast in the gym all by myself taking in that whole album.

I don't gas my body enough. The photos I've taken and the gifs I've made in the past week, I tell you hwut...

I do need somebody son to come touch up on it though. I brushed my nipple with my right arm today and it was very nearly a problem. While working. This libido gotta chill.

Jeni's need to quit playing and bring that Wedding Cake flavor back. It's been a year and I'm still mad.

"Church Girl" had me tearing up on the treadmill. Growing up COGIC and as a PK, attending private Christian schools K-12... my body was told it was bad in about fifty-leven different ways as a child and adolescent (a stumbling block, a temptation, would cause men to sin or distract them from God's plan/will, etc.). You can't help but internalize messages like that.

Learning to love myself through all that while figuring out how to hold onto God and simultaneously let go of all the things Their "people" had to say about me? That shit was a process.

Furthermore, loving myself and coming to terms with the duality of loving God and loving pleasure and feeling sexy on purpose as a grown woman and not inadvertently as a 12-year-old girl grown men were looking at took some TIME, you hear me?! Time and conversations with myself and time and conversations with God and time and contemplation with the Word and then you know what Beyonce up and sang at me at 10:43 PM in the gym?

I'm gon' let go of this body, I'm gon' love on me, Nobody can judge me but me

Eyes welled right on up, yes they did. But she continued...

Let it go girl, let it out girl

And that did it. Far from boo-hooing, but it was some tears shed.

I can't wait to get off work tomorrow so I can have an edible and digest this all over again.

[professorsnape394]

The Potions Master’s Apprentice

Chapter Four: The Three Broomsticks

A/N: This is the fourth part to my fanficiton ‘The Potions Master’s Apprentice (Severus Snape x OC)’. Chapters 1-16 can be found already uploaded on Wattpad under the same name. Feel free to leave requests in my inbox for anything Snape related you want me to write. Leave a comment below if you wish to be added to my tag list.

Pairing: Severus Snape x OC (Dumbledore’s Granddaughter)

Summary: A talented young witch is employed as an apprentice professor at Hogwarts, but who will she be working under? Severus Snape is not best pleased with his new responsibility of taking on an apprentice, however she is relentless to create a friendship between them. Will she be successful? Or might the friendship just go a little two far? With the eyes of her grandfather constantly watching over them, an attempt at a relationship might not be in the cards for Aria Dumbledore and Severus Snape.

Word Count: 1733

Warnings: n/a

Credits to Gif Creator

The following days transpired just as the day before had done; a lot of potion brewing and a little conversation. However, more notably Severus Snape was actually participating in the conversation for once. Aria could not yet say she had seen a pleasant side to the man, however he was acceptable to converse with at the very least. By the end of the third day he no longer pretended to busy himself with textbooks and he actually elected to help with the potion brewing for once. Being able to talk to the Professor and ask him any questions helped her a great deal in learning the correct procedures. She felt herself being more at ease around him, and soon enough they had developed their own way of working together, that she found quite enjoyable. Even Severus had become accustomed to the woman's presence in his classroom as she pranced around the cauldrons, laughing every now and then at his sarcastic comments he hadn't entirely meant to be humorous.

Aria had been lost in thought as she stirred the final potion to completion. "I was thinking." She said cautiously. "It's pretty hard finding things to occupy myself at nights, there isn't much to do here, except aimlessly wandering the halls. How do you feel about maybe taking a trip to Hogsmeade this weekend, have some dinner, maybe drinks? It would make a change from the elves cooking, although I admit they'd be pretty hard to beat."

"I appreciate the offer Miss Dumbledore. However you know how I feel about spending time with Mr. Hagrid, I doubt a change of setting would convince me, especially with the addition of alcohol." Severus spoke, his tone softer than it usually would at such a request.

"Hagrid wouldn't be there." She hastened to add. "He mentioned he has business out with the castle grounds. I just figured since the two of us would be here anyway, it wouldn't make any sense for us to sit alone."

"You may have forgotten, Miss Dumbledore, but I like being alone. I eat alone every night, and I do not wish to simply be your back up plan, now Hagrid has left you to do the same."

"I don't mean for you to be a back up plan Sev- Professor Snape. I just think it might do us both some good. After all haven't we been getting along better these past few days." Aria wanted to get to know the man more, she felt they had got off on the wrong foot and the way to fix this was spending more time together, and hopefully they would even become friends at the end of it all.

"You haven't been as disagreeable as I expected you would be, I will admit. This does not change my previous opinion." He stated.

"At least consider it." She pleaded.

With a sigh Snape flipped another page. "I'll consider it." He agreed, continuing reading his book, no longer interested in conversing with the young witch.

The next few days dragged in more than ever. Aria enjoyed keeping herself busy and was not used to having this much free time. The only thing keeping her sane was her passions for drawing and nature. She chose to combine the two and spend her days outside, sketching the beautiful landscape she found herself in. She preferred to opt for portraits, capturing the essence of humanity in her sketches, but trees were fine too. She shrugged.

Sunday morning eventually came around and Aria chose to tackle something she had been putting off ever since her arrival at Hogwarts. A small pile of letters had accumulated on her bedside table, ignoring each one as they came in. She immediately recognised the scrawled writing on the envelope and could not face opening them. Every second day she received a letter and it broke her heart knowing what lay within. Reading each one carefully, she knew she could not face writing the response the sender desperately awaited. Instead she scribbled a small, generic reply, making sure to include that she would be too busy to write often due to her crazy schedule. This of course was a lie as she had virtually nothing planned for the next couple of weeks until term begun. Aria did not want to face even reading any more letters as long as she remained at Hogwarts, and so she swore to herself she wouldn't no matter how hard she knew it would be.

A firm knock echoed through her quarters just as Aria sent her letter off with beautiful brunette barn owl. "Come in." She called curious as too who would be calling on her. Shocked to see Professor Snape striding into her private chambers, Aria couldn't help but question his presence there.

"I've had time to think about your offer." He stated blankly, visibly out of his comfort zone.

"And?" Aria pressed.

"And I suppose there would be no harm in joining you for one meal. After all, as you say, we both will be here alone, we may as well keep each other company."

"Fantastic!" His colleague gleamed, jumping up from her position on her couch. "Just give me some time to get ready and I'll meet you there? Say six oclock at the Three Broomsticks?"

"Six is fine with me. Don't be late." He warned, leaving the room just as quickly as he came.

*

Aria entered the Three Broomsticks at five forty-five, ensuring Snape had no reason to reprimand her once again for her tardiness. It stunned her to find the sallow skinned man already sitting at a booth, firewhiskey in hand, patiently waiting on her arrival. She couldn't help but smile to herself as she watched him tap out a rhythm on the side of his glass as he took yet another sip. She wondered if it was out of impatience or nervousness, either way she thought it slightly endearing to see.

Hearing the click of a familiar set of heels quickly approaching him, Severus Snape looked up from his glass, almost needing to hold back the urge to smile, but managed to keep his composure. He rose to his feet, holding out a hand to greet the fellow Professor, instantly cursing himself for such a foolish action. "Sit." He commanded, motioning to the seat across from his own. "I'll get you a drink."

"Oh no, there's really no need Professor." Aria insisted, shaking her head, causing her beach-like waves to brush over her exposed shoulders. "I'm afraid alcohol doesn't agree with me at the best of times." She admitted.

"Correct me if I am wrong, Miss Dumbledore, but as I recall it was you who suggested a meal and drinks. Or did I mishear you." Snape asked, feeling almost foolish, having already down two glasses of Firewhiskey.

"I did say that didn't I." The young Miss Dumbledore blushed. "I apologise, sometimes I just cannot stop myself when I speak, I often forget the consequences of drinking, which as it happens is the ultimate consequence of drinking." She chuckled.

The older man shot her a small look of disdain, not at all as amused as she had expected him to be. He let out a small grunt of dissatisfaction, and proceed to down the dregs of his drink.

It took a few more awkward moments of silence and Severus being slightly more irritable that Aria had wished for before the two finally settled in to a rhythm of conversation. Soon enough it came time to eat and Aria took it upon herself to call over the waitress. As he ordered Aria watched as Severus made no effort to look up at the woman serving him. It crossed her mind that maybe this was a deliberate attempt at ignoring her voluptuous breast and curvature of her hips. However, on the other hand she considered that maybe he truly was not interested as she thought back to their conversation a few days before.

"She's stunning." Aria couldn't help but observe. "You should go for it, chat her up, she might be into the dark, brooding, intellectual type."

"As I told you before, Miss Dumbledore, dating it not top priority for me. If you find her so attractive why don't you, as you say, 'chat her up'." Snape replied sarcastically, not expecting the woman to take him seriously.

"I might just." She said, finding her eyes following the waitress back to the kitchen for a moment or two. He couldn't help but feel a little jealous as the witch watched the woman walk away from their table, though he was not sure why.

"So tell me Professor Snape." The young Professor began. "What are the other Professor's at Hogwarts like? Who am I took look out for? Who's my competition." She grinned, wriggling her eyebrows menacingly.

"I'm not sure I know what you mean." He hummed in response.

"You know." She shrugged. "Who are you close with? Will I have to fight them for custody of you." She laughed, although the Professors expression did not change. "What I'm trying to say Severus is, I'm new here, besides yourself and Hagrid I know no one. I'd like to consider us friends, though you may have a different opinion. I was simply trying to express my nervousness at being the new girl. I was hoping you'd be able to help me settle in, introduce me to your other friends and colleagues that is." She sighed.

"You do not seem to understand my disposition, Miss Dumbledore, that which I feel I have made abundantly clear. I am not one to socialise. I am not one to make friends. I am here to teach and teach alone. I do what your grandfather asks of me and that is the extent of my relationship with the staff. They understand how I am, and respect that. I do not bother them and in return they do not bother me. You have been the first to struggle with this concept, Professor." He struggled to grant her the title.

"I didn't realise." Aria stuttered slightly, not understanding how she had not caught on. "I had simply thought you had a vendetta against me, due to my position here at Hogwarts. I didn't realise you shut yourself off from everyone. I apologise for any inconvenience I have caused you." The tone of her voice softening, becoming almost a whisper-like volume. She was embarrassed she had forced him out of his habits and brought him to the Three Broomsticks to clear the air. She realised now it had been a pointless act. This man had been stuck in his ways for over a decade and she would not change that a fortnight into knowing him.

"I am here, aren't I." Severus stated, trying not sound as harsh as he previously had. "Had I truly despised you I would not be wasting my time here with you. I have come to the realisation that if we are to work in such a close proximity to each other, it would be best if we maintained at least some level of civility with one another."

"I appreciate the sentiment, Professor." She replied shyly, remaining silent. Immediately Severus regretted opening his mouth. He didn't entirely hate her company and in fact he had found himself starting to enjoy the evening. It took him a minute or two to gain the confidence to speak the words aloud, but he figured the pay off was worth the sacrifice of a small amount of pride.

"Will you stop fretting woman." He demanded. "I was just beginning to find your constant rambling tolerable. If I wished to spend the evening in silence, I wouldn't have made the effort to accept your invitation to come here tonight. You have managed to entice me thus far, do not spoil what may be your one chance at a friendship with me."

"A friendship?" This piqued her interest.

"You know what I mean. A working relationship. A tolerance. A chance for me to accept your position as my apprentice." Snape corrected himself, fumbling over his words.

"Mmmm." She smirked, taking a small sip of butterbeer. "I'll just pretend a friendship is off the cards for us then, Professor. Although I don't recall you mentioning trips to Hogsmeade as an exception to your reclusive personality." She raised an eyebrow suggestively.

Despite his annoyance at her persuasive abilities, and daring comments, he was glad he had convinced her back to her previously inquisitive self.

Both choosing to ignore any reservations they might have about their 'non-friendship' the two spoke for hours with ease. With each empty glass of fire whiskey Severus Snape found himself relaxing more into the conversation, his reputation becoming a distant memory. It was the first he had allowed himself to truly relax in possibly the whole of his life.

It seemed in one evening Severus had gotten to know all there was to know about Aria's life, although strangely she mentioned nothing regarding her family and Snape chose not to pursue the subject. He loved listening to her talk, she was a rambler, rarely needing any interjection from him except the odd mumble here and there and that's the way he liked it. He was a listener, he loved taking in new information no matter the subject. Most importantly it meant he did not have to share anything about himself, unless the woman specifically asked, and even in those rare occasions, she knew better than to pressure him when he chose not to provide an answer.

Aria told him of the schooling she received in Ilvermorny, her school in America. She told him of her job working in a local alchemists after she left school. She confided in him of her dream to become a professor, or an auror even, really she was just desperate to make a difference in someone's life and her dream would not succeed by spending the rest of her days working in a dingy old shop. "And that's why your grandfather brought you here?" He questioned, the topic piquing his interest. "You told him of your dream to teach?" "I guess you could say that." She agreed, not wanting to raise any more questions than necessary. "He didn't bring me from America though, if that's what your meaning. I was already here. My mother sent me to school in America to protect me, with all that Wizarding War carry on and what with me being a Dumbledore, she didn't want to put me in any more danger than I already was. She remained here with my father however and I visited on the holidays." Snape raised a single brow at the mention of her mother and father but changed the subject completely, seeing the woman being to shy away slightly.

"It's getting late." Severus observed. "I should walk you back to the castle before it gets too dark."

"That would be nice" Aria smiled, rising from her seat.

The couple made their way back to the beautiful lit up castle as the sky turned a deep shade of blue above them. They continued to speak all the way down to the dungeons, this time Severus participating just as much as Aria. The Potions Master escorted his apprentice to the door of her quarters, the two of them swaying awkwardly not knowing where to go from here.

"You can come in for a drink... if you'd like." Aria hesitated to ask. "Although I'm not sure I have anything alcoholic, so tea might need to suffice."

"I appreciate the invitation, but it's been a long day for me, I'm afraid I must retire for the night." Now they were back in the familiar castle grounds Severus felt as though he had suddenly returned to his body, and the events of the night lingered at the forefront of his mind, a deep feeling of regret developing in his stomach.

"Very well." Aria agreed, feeling slightly uncomfortable herself. "Good night, Professor Snape."

"Good night, Miss Dumbledore." He spoke softly, rocking anxiously the balls of his feet, waiting for the woman to disappear into her quarters. With a simple nod and one final smile from Aria, she vanished from his sight. The sound of the door closing echoed through the halls, ringing in Severus' ears, and suddenly he felt more alone than he ever had before.

Aria stood with her back to the door, a sigh of relief escaping her lips. As much as she enjoyed the evening with her mentor, the intense awkwardness that occurred at her door, got her thinking about the man on the other side. Her intention was to get to know the man better, and though he did not confide in her much, she felt she had achieved that, maybe more than anyone ever had.

Why had he allowed her to get close to him when he claimed to distance himself from the world?

This thought circled her brain for the rest of the night.

Taglist:

@ayamenimthiriel

[vanderlustwords]

Liquor and Loose Lips

(not my gif)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader

Prompt: 15. Drunkenly confessing feelings

Summary: There are countless times Bucky has shared drinks with you. No matter how much he drinks, he’s always careful with guarding his feelings close to his chest. Maybe it’s the cocktail, maybe it’s the way the moon looks tonight, maybe it’s the way you look under the streetlight. Whatever it is, Bucky can’t hold it in anymore.

Note: My first Bucky fic! Feedback is always appreciated :) oneshot dedicated to @empyreanwritings​

Count: 2432

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Tequila.

Not Bucky's go-to ever, but he'll drink it if someone offers. 

Vodka.

A taste he's grown to love. During his time when he studied in Russia, there was probably nothing better to drink and help pass the time. 

Rum.

He likes it, but mostly because when he drinks it, he thinks this is what you'd taste like.

And that might be as close as he can get.

Whiskey.

Bucky finds himself in a fight when he has too much. 

Cocktails. 

No one could probably tell, but Bucky did have a specific cocktail. Something he enjoyed at a leisurely pace. A blend of rye whiskey, extra dry vermouth, and maraschino liqueur. He likes that it's smooth, it's dry bite keeping him coming back. 

Bucky has a high tolerance, he always has. No one could outdrink him, and you'd be hard-pressed ever to find him drunk. But he likes a good party. He likes being able to take care of you if you drank too much, even though it's not really his job.

Because you're not his girl. 

"Bucky!"

He turns over to see you coming over with a huge grin and rosy cheeks.

"Are you drunk already, doll?" He laughs as you stumble into him at your last step, fumbling over a faulty tile. He catches you easily as he wraps one of his arms around you as you fling your arms around his waist.

"God, no, maybe, yes, no," you decidedly answer with a laugh. "I think Tony poured me way too much rum in my last drink."

"And you drank it?"

"You know I love rum."

Bucky merely sighs playfully, painfully aware of how warm your body feels against his. How perfectly you fit under his arm and into his side. His fingers ache to flex, to hold you more tightly, but he can't. 

So, he helps you stand upright as you cheekily blow a raspberry at him.

"Careful now, you don't want to finish off so early when the night's just begun," Bucky tells you, and you blow air out of your mouth before grabbing a water bottle. 

"C'mon, it's my first party since the breakup. Surely this is better than having to hang inside watching b-rated chick flicks, eating an unhealthy amount of pizza and ice cream while I cry," you wryly quirk your lips.

But Bucky doesn't say that he secretly enjoyed those times.

Not you crying.

That was awful, and it broke his heart to see you cry like that. But there was something about hanging in your apartment for long periods with nothing to do but watch movies and eat together.

It was like on some level, only the two of you existed in those moments. It helped that you would snuggle up to Bucky under the blankets, and sometimes even fell asleep.

"You sure you're up for tonight? I know Sam is here too," Bucky asked quietly. 

You sighed but shook your head. "I can't avoid him anymore. Besides, I can't keep you locked up with me forever, either."

Bucky wishes he could say he wouldn't mind. 

He looks at you, watching as your turn to your head to look out into the living room where Sam is standing talking with a bunch of guys.

For the longest time, you were Sam's girl. 

Bucky has known you since pre-K, then Sam came in the picture in junior high, and when the two of you started dating in high school, everyone was surprised.

It was no secret that Sam was a notorious player, never have been in a long-term relationship. But the two of you had always clicked, and Bucky couldn't help but feel that it was like a cliche movie. 

The player settles down for the one girl who's always been by his side and keeps up with him the way no one else can.

Bucky was convinced this was only destined to end happily ever after. 

And so, he kept quiet about his feelings.

But then midway through the first year of university, Sam broke up with you. Sitting on the couch crying your eyes out, you had told Bucky that Sam said he just wasn't ready for a relationship right now. It was amicable, you didn't hate Sam, but it had also hurt a lot. He didn't know what to say when you had said that perhaps you just weren't the girl who could get a player to retire from his game. 

It made Bucky's chest ache painfully because he's stopped looking at other girls for a long time now. 

"Alright," Bucky decides, "finish up that water bottle, and we're going to find some duds to destroy beer pong at."

You smile at him, tipping the water bottle all the way up as you finish the last of it. Chucking the water bottle aside, you take Bucky's outstretched hand as he leads you into the living room. 

You pass Sam, giving him only a nod of acknowledgment as you keep walking. You hear Bucky give him a brief greeting, but he doesn't stop to chit-chat with his friend.

Entering the area for games, the two of you arrive just in time to enter into a new game with two strangers that seemed to have been dominating the game the entire night.

The two frat boys looked at you, making wolf-whistling sounds that made Bucky quirk his brow. You didn't react to it, but you did meet Bucky's eyes from the side. He gave you a knowing smile as the game started.

Sinking cup after cup, the game ends way too quickly, and the frat boys aren't too happy about being trounced, but they're not willing to start something with Bucky Barnes, so they leave quietly.

Bucky starts to walk off, but you pull his sleeve.

"Let's play a couple more rounds," you smile at him. He tilts his head, a little surprised as you usually don't like to play the same game in a row, but he nods nonetheless.

Seven rounds. 

You don't call it quits until after seven rounds. With Bucky by your side, you never lose a game, but you are feeling buzzed again. 

"Done with the games?" Bucky teases.

You're about to answer, but the words get caught in your throat. 

You probably weren't meant to see it, but you did. Sam's on the dance floor with some girl you don't recognize, she might be in her second year of university. 

They're grinding and kissing, and even though you're pretty sure you're starting to move on, it still hits you in the gut. 

There's a momentary flashback to when Sam first broke up with you and the painful feeling of knowing somehow, you weren't enough. 

You know Sam didn't mean it that way, but that's how it felt.

Bucky follows your line of sight and feels his gut sink. He doesn't know what to do other than to move to stand in front of you. You blink, your view being blocked as you look into Bucky's eyes.

"Let's grab some drinks," Bucky turns you around, pushing you towards the kitchen. 

He thinks it might still be too early for you to be out and partying when you've got a broken heart, but when you don't cry, he's impressed.

You swallow the lump in your throat, coughing lightly to clear your throat as you turn to Bucky. 

"This party blows," you tell him, watching him quirk his brow with a smile. "You know, Tony has the good stuff up in his study room."

You don't say anything, but Bucky grins right away, knowing what you're insinuating.

"Meet me out back?" You lick your lips.

"You've got yourself a rendezvous, doll."

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Bucky finds you not too far from the house, just down the block where the road curves. You're sitting on the edge of the sidewalk under the streetlight. 

Normally, Bucky would scold you for being so reckless, but it's late in the night, and you've got a look on your face that he just decides to let this one slide.

He walks up to you, taking a seat and shows you the treasure he brought.

You chortle, "I knew Tony was hiding the good stuff."

"We're probably going to hear about it from him tomorrow," Bucky smirks, but that doesn't stop him from cracking the bottle open. 

"That's a tomorrow us problem," you shrug, causing him to laugh.

You both take a shot of the premium vodka Bucky stole, licking your lips at how smooth it goes down. 

Even as good as it was, you still make a face and a displeased noise.

Bucky turns to you and laughs.

"I knew I should've brought the rum instead," he jokes, and you lean over and push him playfully with your shoulder.

"You fool," you smile, "there was rum, and you took vodka? Rookie mistake."

Bucky throws his head back with laughter. There's something that feels warm in your stomach as you watch Bucky laugh, and you wonder if it's the vodka.

"Here," you say, turning over slightly pick up two glasses you had brought out earlier.

"What's this?" Bucky asks as he looks at the cocktail. The orange color looks familiar to him, and there's a toothpick with cherries in it. 

You quirk your eyebrow at him as if he should know. "Your favorite cocktail? The Brooklyn cocktail. I think it should be called the Bucky Barnes cocktail, though."

Bucky takes the drink slowly, sipping it. He's not sure if it's because he's already had so many drinks tonight, or if it's the fact that you made it, but it tastes better than usual.

"I hope you appreciate this. I stole the cherries."

"From where?"

You were silent.

"From where?" Bucky jokingly begged.

The two of you burst into laughter as you share drinks under the night sky.

"How did you know this was my favorite cocktail? I drink everything, and I've never mentioned this drink," Bucky asked, savoring the flavor.

You look at him with furrow brows.

"What do you mean?" You lick your lips. "It's the only cocktail you'll drink twice."

It was so small, something no one else ever has noticed. Bucky likes to drink, and he really will drink everything. It's easy for people to assume he likes vodka the best. 

Fuck, he's so in love. 

But he downs the rest of the drink along with his feelings.

The night passes quietly with the two of you drinking from the vodka bottle, and Bucky is feeling the liquor a little more than usual.

"This is so dumb," you sigh.

"What is?" Bucky asks softly back.

"I dragged you and myself to this party, but now we're sitting out here on the curb."

Bucky shrugs. "This right here is the coolest party 'round town."

You laugh, "Not sure if two people make it a party."

"What does it make then?"

"A date, maybe?" You say.

It's meant innocently, but Bucky's chest flares with butterflies, and he's gripping the edge of the curb tightly.

Suddenly, you groan as you lean against his shoulder.

"Be honest, you think I'm tragic, don't you?" The warmth immediately seeps through Bucky's shirt against your temple. 

"Not at all, doll," Bucky licks his bottom lip.

You pinch his side lightly. "Doll this, doll that. Careful, Barnes, I might just fall for you."

And maybe it's the alcohol that has him relaxed. 

Maybe it's the way you look under the streetlight. 

Maybe it's the way you look like you don't believe you can be anyone's entire universe.

Whatever it is, it has Bucky leaning over your face. You look up, caught in his steel-blue eyes. Your breath hitches when you feel his breath ghost over your cheeks and on your lips. 

His other hand comes to cup your face, thumb dragging from the corner of your mouth across your cheekbone.

Your eyes flutter closed as you unknowingly move closer. 

"What are you doing?" You whisper.

You open your eyes when Bucky doesn't answer. He only swallows visibly. 

"How long?" You ask instead.

"Before Sam," Bucky's forehead touches yours as your noses brush.

Your jaw clenches because that was ages ago. 

You come to a sobering realization that Bucky has loved you longer than you have ever known. 

There's a nagging thought in both of your heads that this could be a mistake. 

But as quick as Bucky's lips brush against yours, he pulls back. 

You blink.

Bucky coughs, standing up.

"Sorry," Bucky smiles contritely. 

Because the thing is, even if you're not Sam's girl, you're not Bucky's either.

And he's not about to risk something just because his entire body feels like he's about to go through vertigo if he doesn't kiss you. 

You stare at Bucky as he gives you that goofy grin, scratching the back of his head. 

"Let's head back inside," Bucky starts walking, "I bet Tony is white girl wasted at this point."

You watch Bucky's back as you stand up.

The truth is, you don't understand. You don't know what the right decision is or if you'll regret it in the morning. 

The only thing you know is that things have changed regardless of what you choose to do.

There's this uncomfortable feeling in your gut as you bite your nail before running your hand through your hair frustratedly. 

You look to the side, huffing before you look back.

"Bucky!" 

You're already running when he turns around as you collide into his body, hand cupping his jaw with a bruising kiss. 

Bucky responds immediately, both his hands coming around to hold your face. You feel the ring on his thumb as it's pressed just right on the corner of your lips. 

He kisses you like he's known your lips forever. Even though the last thing you drank was vodka, there's still an underlying tone of rum, and Bucky thinks rum might be his new favorite. 

The smell of orange blossoms and dry leaves invades his nose as he pulls back, both breathless. 

He doesn't dare pull back any further, feeling your warm breath on his lips. 

He catches your eyes, the way they flutter to his as your chest heaves. Your fingers move to hold his fingers that are cupping your jaw and neck.

And Bucky falls all over. 

"I'm in love with you, doll," Bucky confesses, pulling you into another consuming kiss. 

Cars pass you, their headlights shining just momentarily on the two of you as you share something new from drinks. 

And whatever panic tomorrow brings, you'll at least have known kissing Bucky Barnes tastes like a promise.