#can’t have shit in Seafront

[smolavidreader]

You know what my Nier Replicant playthrough has taught me?

You can’t have shit in Seafront.

[something-very-special]

Impressions

I know I’m way behind on progression through Replicant (insofar as anybody can be ‘way behind’ in the sense of playing a video game for personal entertainment), buuuut I figured I’d share a few thoughts.

Presently I’m doing sidequest mop-up post-Barren Temple, for reference:

So just to get this overall out of the way, I am legitimately fascinated by the differences between NIER and Replicant. This is something I picked up on when I played RepliCant to grab footage for my LP, but given my extremely limited understanding of Japanese all I could get was the tone between characters and to my unpracticed ear they sounded pretty different. I always assumed that Weiss was somehow even more condescending to Brother and hah hah, wow. Even kind of expecting the dialogue and delivery differences I was not prepared for some of the dialogue and delivery differences. Weiss just straight-up insulting BroNier on the regular, not even doing sarcastic eye-rolls like he does with Papa. I don’t remember the exact line that set me off but somewhere in the Barren Temple I was just laughing my ass off at how much of a dick Weiss is.

Thought the ‘miracles’ conversation in the Junk Heap was interesting, too. I remember Papa Nier telling Weiss to stuff it because ‘those kids need a miracle’ and Weiss kind of backs down-- obviously doesn’t believe it, but he knows better than to push. And Brother tries but Weiss is just not having this optimism bullshit. Little things, but the tenor of the relationship is definitely different.

One of the more interesting aspects early on is the way the Lunar Tear is treated. Obviously I don’t know if this was part of the original game or a script adjustment, but Brother talking about the Tear as a source of money as opposed to Father saying it can grant wishes was interesting. Maybe it was to justify that Kaine just has a whole necklace of the damn things and therefore it’s rare but not literally magic, but it always sounded like it was just meant to be taken as a myth to me anyway. Then again, it’s established in the Grimoire that Brother has a fixation specifically on making money so he can support himself and Yonah (versus Papa Nier, who has obviously already established himself as an adult rather than a kid still figuring things out and hoping that enough money will solve all their problems).

Where the dialogue doesn’t diverge is interesting, too. Mostly I’m talking about the scene after defeating Hook. I always found Papa Nier exclaiming “You’re going to live, Kaine!” and “Yes, we’re friends now!” to be obvious holdovers from a younger protagonist just goddamn hilarious when Papa Nier is saying them. They’re still really funny with Brother Nier but just remembering Papa Nier doing the exact same delivery in his deep, manly voice just re-elevated the whole scene into comedy gold.

All of that is really why I was interested in getting the game so already my money is well spent. But there’s some other stuff:

They butchered the OST! ...or so people keep telling me on Youtube. I admit I do think the re-orchestrations is largely inferior to the original (although there are some that are at least as good in a different way, and whatever they did to The Lost Forest -- which was one of my least favorite tracks in the original -- I really enjoy) but I wouldn’t call it a butchering and I highly suspect that if I didn’t have the eleven years of the original OST and its association within the game itself I wouldn’t bat an eye, it still all sounds great.

Also, a weird observation, but I found that the soundtrack sounds much better coming out of the TV speakers than through headphones. I’m not sure if somehow it was optimized for play through external speakers, or maybe just not hearing the added orchestration right up against my eardrums, but when I went to the Lost Shrine with headphones on I was admittedly disappointed, but going to it again and listening through the TV it worked significantly better.

(I’m not sure if this is necessarily a factor, but the booklet in the White Snow edition mentions that the new soundtrack was all studio mixed rather than having the individual tracks layered. While I don’t think that would have an impact on music quality it almost definitely makes a difference in the way it’s produced.)

I miss chest-thrusting to double jump Movement overall feels much more refined and polished. It’s not as slick as Automata, but it definitely feels like a natural evolution of the original game, and as an apologist for NIER’s combat I can appreciate that. A little more responsive, I appreciate being able to move while casting magic, and it still has a bit of a crunch behind weapon impact (although I wish it felt a bit heavier).

But goodness I miss the stupid animation for double-jumping. I mean sure, an aerial somersault is a classic indication of a double jump, but I just loved that Nier would chest-thrust so hard he would break the laws of physics and ascend higher.

It also feels a bit like the aerial dodge was nerfed for movement purposes? I really don’t feel as much horizontal thrust to get a running start after diving off the Library balcony.

Fully voiced? Fully voiced?! I knew this was happening but I totally forgot until the NPC villagers started talking to me! Some of the incidental deliveries are a bit awkward, but as somebody whose glasses prescription is a decade out of date I appreciate this immensely.

The item guy in Seafront just being from the goddamn Bronx is a thing of beauty.

BroNier does fit into the Village better. One of the little details I love in the game is that each bit of civilization has its own style. The maps aren’t large enough to really convey how long travel takes, but the different styles between the Village and Seafront just kind of helped to ‘place’ the characters in a really neat, subtle way (Emil’s sash identifies him as ‘belonging to’ Seafront, which is actually pertinent when you get that sidequest where you find the letter from his science-mom in town! I assume she always wore a kicky sash when she went to work in the underground child torture bunker.)

Facade obviously also has their own style, but it’s... hard not to appreciate.

Papa Nier’s dress doesn’t really ‘place’ him anywhere, which doesn’t feel weird for the main character, and I feel like it’s implied that he isn’t really from the Village in a meaningful way anyway and kind of drifted in at some point after Yonah had been born. But younger Brother Nier is actually wearing the local fashion and it’s a neat little detail that I didn’t appreciate back when I played PS3 RepliCant. (Probably because I didn’t bother talking to any NPCs what with not being able to read the dialogue, so I never really had him standing next to anybody for long enough to process.) Older Brother Nier takes on a very different outfit that winds up displacing him from the rest of the Village (and any other towns), which is a pretty nice visual metaphor, too.

I have a confession to make. I still enjoy fishing in this game.

Yeah I said it. I’ll say it again too-- I like the fishing minigame. I happily blitzed through the Fisherman’s available Gambits, and then just caught five sharks while I was hanging out, and then also caught the sandfish ahead of time, and also wound up with a half-ton giant catfish (??!?) trying to remember where the black bass are located.

Cart me away.

Related but I laughed far too hard when the fisherman says “the WESTERN beach”. I wonder why they changed that line. I just can’t imagine.

And those seals. Always a delight to go to early Seafront and just plant yourself between a couple of seals. Watch the ocean. Listen to the music and the waves. Watch the seals lazily roll around and make cute seal barks.

The most depressing thing about the timeskip is losing those seals.

My garden--! The gardening timeskip exploit was fixed due to a difference in PS4 architecture. :/ I know there’s still an exploit involving time zones but I didn’t go in knowing that and I was horrified when I adjusted the system clock only to find my crops weren’t growing. Is Legendary Gardener still a trophy? Fffffuuuuu

My BARREN TEMPLE. The Barren Temple is, to me, a legitimately funny dungeon, between Sechs getting himself abducted, Kaine getting herself abducted and Nier and Weiss just sighing in resignation, and the whole concept of the rules-based challenges. And the adjustment they made to the Prince’s dialogue before you meet him is so good-- the original felt a little disjointed and felt like it ended with the Prince being confused. It was still funny, but here Weiss just gives zero fucks about insulting the Prince (and presumably knows that’s exactly who he’s talking to) and it’s just great.

And I say all of that because I just died laughing when I got to the infamous Racing Wolf room and saw they outlawed evasion.

Evasion works differently in this game anyway so you wouldn’t have really been able to do the same trick before (dodge roll; in the original release you would dodge roll forward by tapping the button, but a default evasion has you backstep. Of course you could arrange BroNier to face away from the trap and then evade, but it would be significantly dicier, and I feel like the pattern on the shots was awkward enough that you wouldn’t have an opening in the second row (and probably would’ve have dodged your ass right into the bullets anyway). But just that they acknowledged the trick and then flipped you off with it was amazing. Aggravating? My amusement far outweighed my frustration since the Defend trick was still solid.

It also felt like more rooms outlawed jumping? That I can’t corroborate (I was really focusing on whether they did something to Racing Wolf, which is of course the most traumatic of the rooms) but I feel like it wasn’t as easy to cheese some of those rooms as it had been previously.

Dark Blast is amazing. Cheesed the shit out of the actual ‘Evasive Mouse’ room, though. I remember having some difficulties when the miniboss shows up since you can’t dodge out of the way of his lava pillar attack, but I just circle-strafed with Dark Blast and he died comically quickly.

This is actually more relevant to the magic as a whole, but in the time since I first played NIER (so... probably the time I fifth played NIER) I learned more about the little intracacies of the magic system. Like, really little intricacies, like how you can use magic with just a button tap and it actually has different effects... like Dark Blast dealing significantly more damage. It’s not as easy as just holding down the button and getting the multi-shot off the charge, but for a single enemy like that just rapid-fire tapping the button chews through the lifebar.

This tap strategy is really appreciated for Dark Hand (forward thrust punch) and Dark Lance (which is even better thanks to the game’s lock-assist-- a much appreciated quality-of-life adjustment), and I look forward to getting Dark Execution because of its fast activation feature (spreading the lances in a forward cone in front of you, extremely useful for crowd control when you can’t afford to wait for Execution to charge up).

Fragile Delivery still sucks. I don’t know why I had such a terrible time with the first Fragile Delivery but I broke that... Ming vase or whatever you’re delivering half a dozen times. Send that guy a steel rug instead, Guard #3, he is not worth whatever piece of art you had me destroy six times.

And the game still holds up. This is probably a ‘needless to say’ thing but yeah, this is still a great game. I always have a little bit of apprehension going back to something I loved just in case there’s a rose-colored effect going on. Not that I really expected that to happen with this game (I’ve played NIER recently enough that I didn’t think nostalgia would blind me) but, you know, always a possibility.

(That and that the remaster would be... perhaps of dubious quality. It happens.)

Nope! Still engaging. Still charming. I’m always impressed to go back to this game with all the knowledge of its inevitable misery and remember that it’s also just plain funny. NIER is one of those games that’s just like I remember it but better every time I go back to it.

I’m so glad that Automata did well enough to spur greater interest in this game. It really didn’t get the chance it deserved back in 2010 and now it’s topping some of the sales charts. That’s fantastic.

Just... fantastic.

[softlass27]

whoops, this is long after midnight. oh well!

Robron Week Day 6: Family

Fed up with Chas and Paddy fighting in front of Eve yet again, Aaron decides to take her away for the day.

AO3 link here

“Ah, shit,” Robert muttered, frowning at the bread bag in his hands.

Aaron looked up from where he was shoving an extra bottle on suncream into a bag. “What’s up?”

“Bread’s gone mouldy.”

“What, already?”

“Yep.”

“Okay, I’ll nip to David’s and get some fresh – ”

“He’s closed the shop today, remember? Him and Eric have that family do on.”

“Okay, we’ll just have to stop at Tesco or something and buy some sandwiches.”

“Or you could nip to the pub and see if Marlon’ll make us some? Maybe those chicken and avocado ones he’s started doing?”

Aaron sighed and set the bag down. “Seriously?”

“What?” Robert shrugged innocently. “They’ll be nicer than some shop-bought ones.”

“Why do I have to go?”

“Look, if you go now, I’ll get the rest of the food sorted and handle getting Seb ready. Deal?”

“Fine.”

Aaron power-walked up to the pub, checking the time on his phone as he went. It was a bright, sunny Saturday morning – the first warm weekend of the year – so they’d decided to take Seb to the beach for the day.

The pub wasn’t due to open for another couple of hours, so Aaron bypassed the main entrance and went straight for the back door, only to stop short at the sight in front of him. There on the doorstep sat Eve, still in her pyjamas with her knees pulled up to her chin and tears streaming down her face.

“Hey, squirt.” He approached her slowly, keeping his voice soft. “What’s with the tears?”

Eve just shrugged, wiping her nose with her sleeve.

Aaron crouched down to her level, lightly chucking her under the chin.

“Come on, what’s the matter? Has something happened? Someone upset you?”

She hesitated for a moment, before getting to her feet and pushing the door open to step inside. Aaron followed her and was immediately assaulted with the sounds of his mum’s furious shouts coming from upstairs, loud enough to echo through the house. They were soon followed by Paddy shouting back just as angrily, his voice high-pitched and defensive.

Aaron sighed and picked Eve up for a cuddle. “What’s going on?”

“Dunno,” she said into the fabric of his t-shirt, breath hitching. “Mummy’s been cross with Daddy since last night.”

“For god’s sake.” Aaron muttered through gritted his teeth, scowling as her carried her into the back room.

His mum and Paddy had sworn to him that this sort of thing would stop, that if they had to fight, they’d at least make sure Eve wasn’t around to see or hear it. He set her down in front of the TV, where Saturday morning cartoons were playing.

“Okay, I have to speak to Uncle Marlon really quick, then I’ll be right back. Wait here, alright?”

He darted through to the pub’s kitchen, where Marlon was preparing food with the radio blaring. When he caught sight of Aaron in the doorway he jumped a mile and scrambled to switch it off.

“God, make a noise, would you?”

“Yeah, sorry. Can I ask a favour?”

Marlon sighed heavily, putting his peeler down on the counter. “I suppose?”

“Me n’ Robert need some sarnies but our bread’s mouldy and David’s is shut. I was wonderin’ if you wouldn’t mind whipping us up a few?”

“Sorry, you think I have the free time to just make you and your husband a packed lunch?”

“It’s not like the pub’s open yet.”

“I’m still busy!” Marlon threw his hands in the air. “Just because there’s no customers doesn’t mean I don’t have meals to prep, do you know how long it takes to do ratatouille?”

“… I don’t even know what that is. Please, you’ll be doin’ us a massive favour, I’ll owe you one.”

Marlon held out for about five seconds, before rolling his eyes and grabbing the bread. “Fine. How many am I making for?”

“Three.” There was a sudden loud thump from upstairs, the sound of something being shoved or thrown to the floor, shortly followed by the loudest shout yet.

“They’ve been at it all morning,” Marlon grumbled irritably. “That's why I had the radio on so loud.”

Aaron glanced up at the ceiling, thinking quickly.

“Y’know what, make that enough sandwiches for four, actually.”

He left the kitchen without waiting for an answer and returned to the back room.

“Hey, how d’you fancy a day at the beach with me, Rob and Seb?”

Eve’s head whipped away from the TV to look at him, her eyes lighting up hopefully. “Today?”

“Yep, we can go right now. What d’you think?”

“Yes!”

They went to Eve’s room upstairs so Aaron could help her get ready, digging some beachwear and a swimming costume out of her wardrobe and doing his best to distract her every time the sounds of shouting from behind her parents’ closed bedroom door increased in volume.

“Oh no,” Eve froze as Aaron tied her shoelaces for her, looking at him with alarm. “I don’t have a bucket and spade.”

“That’s alright, we can get you a bucket and spade when we get there.”

“Will they have pink ones?”

“I’m sure they will.”

Picking her back up with one hand and grabbing her backpack with the other, he tiptoed down the stairs and made his way back to the kitchen.

“Those sandwiches ready, Marlon?”

“Here you go.” Marlon handed over a tupperware box. “There’s some leftover crisps in there, too.”

“Cheers, you’re a lifesaver.”

“Marlon!” Eve waved her current favourite stuffed bear at him with excitement. “I’m goin’ to the beach!”

“Wow, lucky you!” Marlon grinned at her. “Alright for some.”

Aaron let her slide down to the floor and passed her the tupperware. “Why don’t you go wait by the door for me, yeah?”

Eve nodded and exited the kitchen, holding onto the sandwiches tightly.

“Do, er, do Chas and Paddy know you’re taking her?”

“Nope.”

“Is that wise? Not letting them know?”

“Marlon, they were so busy tearing strips off each other they didn’t even notice me comin’ upstairs and getting her ready to leave with me.” He sighed heavily. “They can’t keep doing this in front of her, it’s not fair. I couldn’t just leave her sitting around by herself, not with all that goin’ on.”

Marlon chewed his lip. “I suppose you’re right. I always tried to keep my relationship problems hidden from April when she was that age – not that I always managed it,” he added with a slightly sad smile. “I wish those two would try a bit harder sometimes. Eve’s lucky to have you for a brother, honestly.”

“Cheers, Marlon. And good luck with your rata-whatever.”

“Ratatouille.”

“Yeah, that.”

He led Eve outside, pulling his phone out of his pocket and tapping on his mum’s contact. It took a few rings before she answered.

“Hi love, now’s not really a good time – ”

“This won’t take long,” Aaron cut her off sharply. “Just thought I’d let you know that Eve’s with me, I’m takin’ her out for the day.”

There was a short silence, followed by a noise of confusion. “Wait, what? What do you mean she’s with you? She’s downstairs watching cartoons.”

“She was, but now I’ve got her. I’ll bring her back sometime tonight.” He glanced at Eve, who was playing with her bear a couple of feet away, and lowered his voice. “Or I can always just let her stay over at mine, if you and Paddy need some more time to hurl abuse at each other?”

“What? No, we’re not – I’m just, I’ve been so tired this week, Aaron, and Paddy was getting on my last nerve, you won’t believe what he said to – ”

“Save it, Mum, I really don’t care. I’m just letting you know where your kid is, in case you were interested. Talk to you later.”

He hung up and slid the phone in his pocket, before taking Eve’s hand and leading her towards the Mill. She talked excitedly the entire way, all traces of her earlier upset gone as she babbled about everything she wanted to see and do at the beach.

They entered the Mill to find Robert and Seb sitting on the sofa, shoes on and ready to go.

“Hey,” Aaron kicked the door closed behind him. “Room for one more?”

Robert’s eyes briefly flickered down to Eve before he looked back at Aaron. They held each other’s gaze for a split-second, before Robert nodded in understanding.

“Course there is.” He got to his feet and grinned at Eve. “Come on then, sooner we get there, sooner we can get started on the world biggest sandcastle.”

Seb whooped loudly and took off outside, grabbing Eve’s hand as he went, the two of them chatting animatedly to each other as they dashed for the car.

“Your mum and Paddy at it again?” Robert asked quietly.

“Yelling loud enough to make the windows shatter. She might need to stay over tonight if that’s okay?”

Robert sighed and pressed a kiss to his forehead.

“Like you have to ask. Come on, we'd better get a move on before Seb tries to drive off without us.”

*

The four of them had a great day. They managed to snag themselves a decent spot on the sand, with enough space for them to build what did turn out to be a pretty epic sandcastle. They took the kids paddling and rock pool exploring, Aaron kicked a football about with Seb while Robert helped Eve look for seashells. And when the kids were happy enough playing with each other, Aaron got to stretch out in the sun next to Robert, sighing contentedly as his husband played with his hair with one hand and held a book with the other.

Saturdays didn't get much better than that. Aaron must’ve snapped about a hundred photos on his phone, saving a great one of Robert with his freckles coming out in full force as his new wallpaper.

As the afternoon drew to a close, they packed up their things and wandered along the seafront until they found a nice-looking pub on the seafront, deciding to stop there for their tea before heading back home. Since the air was still warm, they parked themselves on one of the outdoor tables, a young waitress bringing out a couple of children’s menus and crayons for them.

While they waited for their order to arrive, Eve started using the crayons on the colouring-in section of the menu, tongue poking out in concentration, while Seb pulled a few handfuls of rocks and pebbles out of his pocket, pouring them onto the table.

“Dad, are any of these fossils?”

“Let’s have a look.”

Aaron spread them out and the two of them bent their heads over each one, Aaron showing Seb what to look for. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Eve repeatedly pushing her hair out of her eyes with increasing frustration, only for the coastal breeze to blow it back in her face again, blocking her view of the picture she was trying to colour.

“Rob, can you get – ?”

Robert nodded and pulled Eve along the bench towards him. “C’mere, let’s get this sorted otherwise you’re gonna end up with a proper bird’s nest.”

He grabbed a hairbrush and a bobble out of one of the bags and started brushing Eve’s hair, doing his best to tame the messy tangle of curls. He’d just finished putting it in a neat-ish plait, when the waitress reappeared with their food. Aaron quickly moved Seb’s rock collection aside so she could put the plates down and Robert picked up Eve’s colourin, carefully folding it and putting it away so she could finish it later.

“Thank you,” Seb said to the waitress when she set his plate down in front of him, keen as ever to talk to adults like he was one of them.

“Fank you!” Eve immediately copied him, even as her mouth was full with a handful of chips she’d already started scoffing.

The waitress smiled fondly at them both. “You’re very welcome.” She glanced towards Aaron and Robert. “Well-mannered, aren’t they?”

“Hm, when they want to be,” Robert said lightly, tucking a napkin into Eve’s collar before she inevitably got ketchup all over her t-shirt.

“You should see them in the mornings,” Aaron added. “Then you might change your tune.”

She just laughed and shook her head. “You have a lovely family.”

Huh.

Aaron froze, eyes flicking to Eve before he looked at Robert, who also had a slightly surprised expression on his face. It was a fair assumption, he supposed – no one would guess he and Eve were siblings, not with their age gap, not when he and Robert were closer in age to most parents than his mum and Paddy were.

“Oh, uh, actually she’s my – ”

“Thank you,” Robert talked over him loudly, mouth upturned in a polite smile. “That’s nice of you to say.”

“Is there anything else I can get for you?”

They both shook their heads and she went back into the bar, while the kids both tucked into their food hungrily, oblivious to what had just happened. Aaron slowly picked up his knife and fork, catching Robert’s eye.

“She thought… ”

She thought Eve was ours.

“Yeah.” Robert popped a chip in his mouth, raising an eyebrow at him. “Is that so bad?”

Aaron stared at him for a moment. He thought of his mum and Paddy, probably still back at the pub screaming bloody murder or giving each other the silent treatment, filling the house with a frosty atmosphere. Or perhaps Paddy had stormed out, hiding in the surgery and leaving his mum to stew, oblivious to anyone or anything other than her own anger.

He thought of how Eve would have spent her day if he hadn’t popped into the pub for sandwiches, and felt his stomach turn. She would have spent it stuck in among the tension, miserable and lonely and probably spending her Saturday bored out of her mind. He shot a glance at her now, sitting across from him with a happy smile on her face, cheeks pink from the sun as she nattered away to Seb in-between bites of her food.

“Nah. It’s not.”

[lochrannn]

all rest my powers defy

Warnings: mild sexual content, swearing

Fandom: The Umbrella Academy

Pairing: Lila/Diego

Blurb: Things are a bit awkward between Lila and Diego atm.

Lila-centric

4000+ Words

The date is the second of April 2019, it is 8:34 in the evening and Lila is sitting at the bar lining the back wall of the Hargreeves mansion's lavish sitting room, sipping on a drink she can't remember the name of and is not really enjoying, but it's at least something to take her mind off of the fact that she is entirely lost as to what to do with herself now.

A fortnight ago, on the 12th of July 1974, while playing boules with a group of older women on the seafront in a small Southern English coastal town she had taken a day trip to, Lila decided that maybe she should give Diego's grand invitation to be part of his family some actual consideration, or at least stop trying as hard as she could not to think about it. In hindsight, she thought, it may have been a slightly exaggerated speech on his part, though she could forgive him for that, seeing as he had been trying to talk her down from murdering his brother, but even if he hadn't been quite sincere, surely he would be assuming that she might turn up for a chat at some point, right? And it came to her then, while idly lobbing a heavy ball, easily hitting her target and savoring the pleasing thunk sound the ball made when it embedded itself in the sand, that she should probably go see him about that.

Lila had taken the briefcase and run and it had taken her two weeks to slow down enough to fully catch up with her own thoughts. She had hopped aimlessly through all of time and space – now slightly regretting having gone to all of these great historic places without being in any kind of state to actually take much in or appreciate what a unique perspective she was gaining, what a waste – only to end up in London in 1974. She hadn't quite known why she had stopped running in this time and place but she had had a sneaking suspicion that subconsciously she had wanted to find her parents but was too scared to look for them closer to the time she would have been born, or the time of their murder four years later. She hadn't thought she could actually face finding them when they resembled the two people she could just about remember lying face down in their own blood in the living room the day the Handler had found stolen her. So she had simply blagged her way into a room in a small B&B and had spent her time idly walking around the city during the day and drinking a few too many pints in a different pub each night, all the while sabotaging her efforts to actually look into her parents' whereabouts. On the 12th of July, another two weeks after she had stopped running, she had woken up with a slight hangover, taken the tube to Victoria station and had got on the first train that would take her to the seaside. On that train ride she had admitted to herself that she wasn't ready to see her parents, wasn't sure she would ever be, but that she certainly didn't feel like going on the way she had for the past month. So she had made a pact with herself that by the time she got back on the train to London she would have a plan of what to do. She was twenty-nine and had only ever lived according to her mother's the Handler's plans. She had been thrilled at and equally scared of the prospect of having to make her own decisions.  

The next morning after her seaside outing she took a long bath, packed her few belongings in the canvas rucksack she had bought at a charity shop, and pulled the black leather briefcase out from the back of her cupboard. She left her spare pound notes – all stolen – on the unmade bed for the landlady. She knew it wouldn't cover what the room would have cost her, but she figured it was the best she could do in the moment and felt a bit of guilt at the realisation that this was one of the first times in her adult life that she had thought to do something decent for another person she wasn't trying to gain something from. And what a meager bit of decency it was.

Her first stop was the commission. She really didn't want to go back to that place but she also knew that she had no hope in hell of finding Diego without the help of someone there. Lila doubted the Hargreeves would still be in Dallas in the 60s and beyond that she had no clue of where else to look for them. She knew they had arrived in the 60s from 2019 but she was honestly uncertain whether there was any 2019 left after the 1st of April. So she really hoped she could either convince Herb of giving her some assistance – he had seemed oddly touched by her feelings for Diego – or if not, simply threaten him until he gave up Diego's where- and whenabouts.

When she got to the commission Herb was apparently expecting her and was only too happy to help. She couldn't decide whether she should kiss the little gerbil man on his head or tell him to stop being so creepy, but in the end she grumbled her thanks for the information, punched the coordinates into the briefcase's dial, and happily vanished into blue static, hoping not to have to come back to this place any time soon.

After that, things were a bit of a blur. If asked, she thinks she can barely piece together what happened. In fact, knowing what she does now about Five's ability to rewind time, she's not certain he might not have done so a few times over the past two weeks, so little of what happened makes any kind of temporal sense otherwise, all she remembers is a not-dead Reginald Hargreeves, an alternative set of powered, dysfunctional, and slightly evil Harvgreeves siblings, and a lot of fighting. In the end they averted another apocalypse – these people truly were catastrophe magnets –, restored the original Hargreeves siblings' original timeline, managed to avert the apocalypse there/then as well and lived to see the 2nd of April 2019. Though she begrudgingly has to admit that Five had been a genius at strategising their way out of the mess they had made and for once his siblings had rallied behind him and kept in line, she herself had played an integral role, which is why, she suspects, they have been out of harms way for almost two hours now and haven't turned on her yet.

So now here Lila is, with six Hargreeves siblings strewn across the sitting room's furniture, shooting the shit like they haven't just dragged themselves out of hell. Lila's drinking a cocktail Allison mixed for her a few minutes ago, she's a little off to the side and internally freaking out about what to do next. While they were running and fighting for their lives she had seamlessly integrated herself into their merry little group, she is nothing if not uncannily adaptable, but here, in this quiet moment, she suddenly realises that at no point have they discussed what her place was amongst them. And then, of course, there is Diego.

Her gaze flits over to the armchair he's sitting in with his filthy boots propped up on an expensive looking ottoman. She thinks he's doing that deliberately. She only glances at him quickly before letting her eyes drop back down again. Lila's been doing that a lot these past few weeks, looking at him when he wasn't looking at her, generally keeping out of his way when she could help it. When they did interact, Diego was nothing if not courteous and pleasant towards her, less warm than he was with his siblings, but he didn't treat her like an enemy or a stranger, and Lila found that this side of him that she had never experienced before, was something she really didn't know what to do with. It threw her so much that she didn't really know how to behave towards him. While locked up in the asylum Diego had oscillated wildly between being aggressive towards the orderlies and being exasperated and annoyed with Lila but just as often flirting with her, and now she suspected some of that behaviour may have been down to the drugs, because she hardly recognised this calm, almost calculating version of him. If anything, he reminded her most of when he had told her outside the Mexican embassy in Dallas that he agreed with Five's suspicion of her, and that made something in her stomach twist. At some point when she had more than two minutes to think about anything other than trying not to get herself killed, she realised in horror that an outside observer might have described her as being shy around Diego.  

Thinking of that makes her snort into her drink and Lila can feel some of the Hargreeves looking at her but only for a moment, as she shows no further sign of saying anything or even looking at them. When she is certain she's no longer being observed Lila looks back at where Diego is currently plucking mint leaves from the stalk sticking out of his glass, rolling them up, and flicking them at the back of Luther's head when he is turned away, hitting the exact same spot every single time. Luther doesn't seem to notice as he is paying attention to whatever Five is currently going on about. Lila has made her peace with the realisation that she doesn't blame Five for her parents' death, she knows she would have done the same in his position and it could have been anybody, the true villain in this story was her mother the Handler. Nevertheless, she thinks Five is a patronising, pompous little shit, so she can't really be arsed to listen to whatever has him riled now. Luther absentmindedly swats at the back of his head and a look of irritation passes over his face. Again she snorts into her drink – she thinks she might be getting tipsy, this shouldn't keep happening – and this time only one Hargreeves looks over at her, but this one makes her cheeks heat up. Diego catches Lila's eye with an unreadable expression and she's too surprised to look away, so he holds her gaze for a long moment before he turns back to irritating his brother. What the fuck is she supposed to do with that?

During her musings Lila zones out for a bit, seems to be losing track of time, because the next time she looks up it's only Vanya, Klaus and Allison sitting around the table all holding mostly empty drink glasses and chatting lightly. Vanya giggles at something Klaus is saying and when Allison sees Lila looking, she gets up and walks over to her.  

“We're all about to head to bed, do you want me to find you some fresh pyjamas?” Allison asks her gently.  

The two of them have been getting on weirdly well. Lila thinks she might have to apologise at some point for almost suffocating the other woman, but so far Allison's easygoing manner towards her has made Lila feel awkward about bringing it up. How do you say 'Sorry for really wanting you dead there a few months back,' when someone is casually offering you sleepwear?

“Nah, I'm ok,” Lila replies, wincing inwardly when she sees Allison slightly wrinkle her nose. This also keeps happening with the Hargreeves, she constantly feels like she says or does the wrong thing. At least where the small things are concerned. Lila can't work out if she is somehow weird – she might be, after all she was raised by a psychopath outside of linear time –, or if the siblings are overly judgmental, or if they are still a bit miffed at the whole her trying to murder them all thing. If it's the latter, Lila thinks, she can't really blame them.

“Uhm... where do I...?”

“Oh, just head upstairs,” Allison interrupts her half-formed question, “there's forty-two bedrooms in this place and all of ours are downstairs, so you can just pick any room you like the look of!”

Lila mumbles her thanks and goodnights to the three siblings still in the room and heads out to the cavernous foyer with its imposing staircase and gallery. She picks up her rucksack before starting her ascent. Five had commandeered her briefcase the minute they decided to keep her around during their alternate timeline escapades and so far she hadn't really bothered to find out where he was keeping it. Though depending on how the next few days are going to go, she maybe should ascertain its whereabouts, just in case.

All the hallways look much the same, with tasteful if boring decoration and very poor lighting. Lila wanders down one on the second floor and has just passed a bathroom with gold fixtures that she could spot through the half-open door when she hears the very familiar whoosh-thunk sound of a knife being thrown and embedding itself in something, coming from the room immediately up ahead.  

Lila stops short.

She takes a deep breath, suppresses the urge to slap her cheeks to hype herself up, and continues walking.  

For fuck's sake, it's not like she went looking for him, also what if she had? He hasn't told her not to talk to him and it's certainly not that she's nervous about talking to him, fuck no...  

Lila's thoughts spiral so quickly that when the room and its occupant actually come into view her internal monologue screeches to a halt.

The bedroom seems to be some kind of master bedroom with a large bed at the centre, beautifully made up with a flowery spread and throw pillows, a small desk, and a comfortable looking armchair over by the window – all of it deeply impersonal. A guest room, then.

And there is Diego sitting on the bed, back resting against the headboard, his legs stretched out in front of him, crossed at the ankle. His feet are bare, boots lying haphazardly kicked off by the armchair, which is, in turn, occupied by Diego's jacket. The man himself is currently only wearing his black tank top and trousers and his harness is strewn across his knees. He's holding a knife in his hand and Lila is sure that if she turned to look at the wall opposite him, she would find more knives already embedded in the wood panelling.  

But Lila doesn't turn to look at the wall because she can't tear her eyes away from Diego. She realises with a start that this is the first time she's been alone in his presence since... well since Elliott's and all of a sudden she is overwhelmed with how much she missed – misses – him.

Diego acknowledges her with one of those infuriatingly cool looks he's been giving her and then goes back to aiming and chucking the knife at the wall.

Lila doesn't flinch, instead she crosses her arms and casually leans against the doorframe.

“I thought the children sleep downstairs,” she quips. That at least earns her his attention again.

Diego doesn't immediately answer, Lila thinks he might be torn between rising to her bait and simply ignoring her. Finally, he says in a neutral tone “If I have to stay in this godforsaken house in the first place, I'm definitely not staying in one of those monk's cells Dad kept us in.”

There's an uncomfortable pause and Lila hates it. The one thing Diego and herself could always manage was to endlessly talk at each other, even if it was just lobbing insults back and forth. She's increasingly certain he's doing this whole cold shoulder nonsense to punish her or something. Anger flares up within her. Looking at Diego sitting there with his stupid handsome face, and his stupid muscled shoulders and arms on display, and his stupid brown eyes that look exactly as warm and open as they always had when he was talking to her back at the asylum and back at Elliott's, Lila is infuriated that she can't go over to him and kiss him silly, because he won't come out and properly talk to her. A slightly mean voice in the back of her head reminds her that what he has to say to Lila might be that he wants nothing more to do with her other than as someone who fights for his family, but her train of thought is interrupted when she sees something passing over Diego's face. He's getting impatient at her silence too.

“Why are you here, Lila?”

“It's almost midnight, we've been through a bit of a kerfuffle, I was looking for somewhere to sleep. Is that allowed?”

His face twists in annoyance at her retort and Lila thinks to herself that at least that's a change from the constant neutrality he's been weaponising against her before.

“There are forty-two bedrooms in this place, why have you come to the one I'm in?”

That question makes Lila feel oddly embarrassed and the feeling makes her lash out, “Don't flatter yourself! I was wandering down a random hallway when I heard your stupid knife-throwing. I think I'm allowed to make sure we're not being attacked without being accused of looking for you specifically!”

“Oh no, you certainly can't be accused of that, Lila!” Diego scoffs with a bitter undertone.

She was going to hurl something else at him, but that stops Lila in her tracks, “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“You've been avoiding me,” he says flatly.

What the fuck? “What the fuck?” Lila almost shouts. “If anything, you've been avoiding me!” She throws her hands up in exasperation.

The look Diego gives her is a curious one. This is the first time they haven't been painfully polite to each other. The fight leaves Lila as quickly as it came over her. She huffs out a breath and makes up her mind.

She lets the rucksack slide down her shoulders, kicks off her red boots – she loosened the laces earlier when she had hopped up onto the barstool – and walks over to the bed. Diego tracks her movements but says nothing and makes no move of his own other than to gently shove the knife harness off the bed – whether for her safety or his, she's not quite sure – so she rolls onto the bed next to him. She tries to pull it off as elegantly as possible even though she knows the position she ends up in is significantly less so. Making sure to keep just enough distance that she isn't touching him, she kicks her legs up along the headboard and wall and ends up with her back pressed into the mattress and her head somewhere by Diego's knees. When she looks back at his face she can see by the tension in his cheeks and the quirk of his lips that he's suppressing a grin.

Lila gives herself half a moment to study Diego's face. His goatee is neatly trimmed and his hair is a lot shorter, buzzed at the sides and almost flopping on top, it's a deliberate style choice that she somehow doesn't think was Diego's own and she makes a mental note to ask him about that. She is struck again by the fact that she thinks he looks beautiful. She's never thought of anyone looking beautiful before but at some point during their time together in Dallas she realised that this slightly brutish man had become beautiful to her. She is too afraid to examine right now what that is supposed to mean.

Instead she turns and pokes him hard in the thigh with her finger. “Why would I be avoiding you?” she asks with what she hopes isn't a pout.

Diego huffs out some air and quietly replies “I don't know.”

“Jesus fuck, Diego, I came looking for you, didn't I? I've stuck around with your stupid apocalypse mission! Fuck, I've mostly played nice with the murderer of my parents for the last two weeks, what could possibly make you think I was avoiding you?” Lila looks up at him with exasperation and sees the guilt flash across his face at the mention of her parents.

“I –“ he begins but when he can't get past the first word, he stops. And she suspects he does that so he doesn't end up stammering. She remembers him talking about that in group therapy at Holbrook, when, to Lila's horror, Diego would use his real feelings and trauma to try and soften Moncton to his cause. The thought of being that honest and open had genuinely caused cold fear to pool in the pit of Lila's stomach. Lying here in the bed next to Diego, though, with no one else around, she's reminded of the time she was lying on top of Elliott's fold out couch and had, for the very first time in her adult life, been honest and unguarded with anyone who wasn't her mother the Handler. She's encouraged by the thought that she's managed it before, so maybe she can do it again.

Lila waits to see if Diego will go on. She knows he hated being talked over as a kid and wants to give him a chance if he has more to say. But he just slowly blinks and then looks down at his hands.

On a whim Lila lifts her leg closest to him off the wall, swings it around and lets it fall diagonally across his chest, hitting him hard enough with her calf to make him huff out some air in surprise. Diego looks back at her face and she can see the beginnings of a smile. This is familiar. This is reminiscent of her antics at the asylum. It makes things just a little more normal and comfortable between them.

Diego grabs her ankle and she starts to roll her eyes at him but is interrupted by her breath leaving her in a gasp when she suddenly feels his lips brush against the sensitive, exposed skin between the top of her sock and the bottom of her trousers that have fallen up her leg a little.

She looks up at him almost in shock, her heart in her throat, and her expression must give him pause because he looks back at her like a deer caught in the headlights, his hand and lips still touching her ankle.  

Lila sits up very suddenly, almost surprising herself, and Diego lets her foot drop to the side, her leg now thrown across his lap. They are in each other's space, staring, neither of them quite sure of what to do next. Diego's gaze ever so quickly drops to her mouth before coming back to stare wide eyed back at her. That ends any self control Lila has left. Fuck it, she thinks. “Fuck it!” she repeats out loud.

In one quick motion she lifts herself up onto his lap and wraps her arms around his neck. And before she can cover his mouth with hers, she can already feel his hands on her waist and Diego surges forward into a crushing kiss.

All the tension leaves Lila's body and she melts into him. Both of them wrap their arms tighter around the other, trying somehow to make the edges of their bodies give way so they can occupy the same space. Every nerve ending in her body is on fire and Lila wants to feel more of him. She pulls away very slightly to try and pry his tank top off him, but he has apparently had the same thought and gets to the hem of her jumper more quickly and pulls it up, off over her head, making her squeak. How undignified. When the piece of clothing is gone and she can look back at him, though, his pupils are blown with want and glassy with emotion and before she can take his top off she has to kiss him again, because it almost hurts too much to look at him, and she wants to kiss him anyway.

They continue like this. Trying to get the other naked as quickly as possible but getting interrupted by wanting to touch and kiss and bite and squeeze. When Lila finally sinks down onto him with a sigh and a strangled groan from Diego, she distantly remembers that the door to the room is still open. Bizarrely she is reminded that this wouldn't be the first time they're having sex when anyone could come wandering by and that makes her chuckle. The vibration of her laugh travels straight through her and Diego and makes him gasp when he asks her “What?”

“Nothing,” she replies and starts moving.

She'll tell him later. She'll tell him all of her thoughts later, and she really hopes he'll tell her his.  

[some-creep]

CREEP RANKS EVERY NIER SONG (mostly) BY TITLE

Snow in Summer COOL song… COOL name. Love this one. Good correct title. It’s what’s happening in the game at the time. 12/10

Hills of Radiant Winds It’s a fine title. I don’t really like this song that much because you hear it a lot. Do not @ me but it’s the truth. Is it windy? We don’t know. It must be. Does wind still happen? What is wind? 2B do you know what makes wind because I don’t. 6/10

The Incomplete Stone Cool title. Another song I don’t really like. I actually like this one even less than the other one. Fitting to the narrative as a title. 9/10

Blu-bird Sounds like an ice cream. I think it’s an ice cream. I don’t know what narrative purpose this song title has. I don’t know which song this is without listening to it. Song sounds cool. Doesn’t invoke the title. Title doesn’t remind me of the narrative but maybe I’m just dumb as a brick. 3/10

Cold Steel Coffin COOL TITLE. Very edgy. Sounds like a metal song title. This one plays. Sometimes. I can’t exactly place when despite the fact I am actively playing through this game a second time as I write this. 8/10

Grandma Kind of a horrible title honestly. Favorite song in the game. It usually plays when the scene is about Grandma but not always. False advertisement / 10.

Song of the Ancients – Devola / Popola / Fate / Hollow Dreams Who are the ancients. We don’t know. Devola doesn’t know. What kind of idiot sings a song she doesn’t understand? This kind of idiot. Maybe Popola knows. Let’s ask her. Bothering Popola who is very busy / 10.

The Wretched Automatons Title sounds like it goes in the other game. Weirdly not remixed in the other game about automatons. This game has regular robots. I guess they fit the definition of an automaton. But still. I don’t like the junk heap very much. Do I like any of these levels? Thinking emoji / 10.

City of Commerce The game tells me that the Seafront is like. The height of commerce, but the stores don’t really sell me anything different and I have no reason to go there after the beginning part of the game. If the shops there were so good why aren’t I visiting more often? Discuss this with the Seafront tourism board at once. 5/10

The Prestigious Mask People do, in fact, wear masks in Facade. So I guess this is an accurate title. I don’t know what else to say. 8/10

Temple of Drifting Sands There’s sand here. You only go here once. Uh. This is the rules temple right? Yeah this part is kinda annoying. But it’s a temple. It’s got sand. So I guess it all checks out. Not a cool title but an accurate one nonetheless. 8/10

Gods Bound by Rules “[This] is a sick ass title” - Null. He’s right I guess. It is pretty cool. Struggling to remember off hand where it plays. If you know don’t tell me. Because I don’t care. Really cool title. Cool song. 9/10

The Ultimate Weapon Good title. Exactly what it says on the tin. It’s about Emil’s sister whose name I cannot remember how to spell right now and will not look it up. But it’s also about Emil now too. They’re weapons. You don’t have to be a gun. You are who you choose to be… 10/10

Deep Crimson Foe This is the boss fight music. Nothing about the title suggests that because none of the bosses are red. You know what is red, though? The magic that Nier wields. Think about it. 9/10

Dispossession – Piano / Strings / Pluck / Music Box Song that plays when we’re sad about stuff. Technically that honor belongs to like. Half this fucking soundtrack. Dispossession is kind of a cool word though. But only kind of. 7/10

Yonah – Piano / Strings / Pluck Ver. 1 / Pluck Ver. 2 A lot of song titles, at least the major ones that play a lot, are made up of just. Character names. It’s fine. It works well enough. But it means they aren’t exactly cool titles. Yonah is certainly in this game thanks for reminding me / 10

The Dark Colossus Destroys All Cool title I like it. It returns in the sequel so that’s nice. I think it’s used better there though. This plays like. One time. The stakes aren’t quite as extreme I guess. Still. This is mostly just based on how cool the title is so 9/10

Kaine – Escape / Salvation Again. Like. This is just a character name. Kaine is in this game a lot thank you. I do love her, I do, I REALLY do. But. 6/10

His Dream Who is he…. 4/10

This Dream The Forest of Myth is the one where you do the dream parts so. Like. I guess. Horrible to have two songs one letter apart like that. 5/10

Repose I guess. It’s chill. The title suggests it should be chill. Sure. 7/10

The Lost Forest There’s no forest here at all… oh, shit, wait. I get it /10

Shadowlord’s Castle – Memory / Roar Shadowlord is inherently kind of a cool, albeit, edgy name. It plays in his castle. Which appears to just be a random office building. So I guess it’s not REALLY a castle. 9/10

Dance of the Evanescent This is just Ashes of Dreams you can’t fool me. I suppose they are dancing though. And they are soon to be vanishing. Hm. 10/10

Ashes of Dreams – English / French / German?? / Japanese Ok unrelated but like. How did I not know this song was also recorded in German. Oh right because I didn’t actually get ending C I skipped it and went straight for ending D. Whoops. My bad. Anyway this is a cool song title and I like the title. From a narrative standpoint it slaps. I do not actually really like this song that much. 11/10.

[lamecryptid]

@piranhapunk said anyone who wants to do it can, so since I never get to do these...

1. name / nickname: Thomas, but most people call me Tom or Tommie

2. gender: Non-Binary (He/They)

3. star sign: Virgo

4. height: 5′8

5. time: 6.20am (haven't slept yet)

6. birthday: September 13th

7. favorite bands/groups: Lemon Demon / Mother Mother / GRLwood / Crawlers / MGMT / Girl In Red / Ninja Sex Party

8. favorite solo artists: Jack Stauber (Jack Staubers Micropop) / Left at London / Ritt Momney / Teddy Hyde / Norma Tenega

9. song stuck in my head: Enjoy The Silence // Depeche Mode

10. last movie: ... Downton Abbey

11. last show: Adventure Time

12. when did i create this blog: oh gods ummm.... 2012 ish? I think?

13. what do i post: So much random shit...all reblogs too. No original content here. But mainly.... nature photos, aesthetic images and funny stuff.

14. last googled: “dream meaning church burning and exploding"

15. other blogs: One.... not telling tho its a blog for my trauma.

16. do i get asks: nope, only occasional random anon hate for no reason LMAO

17. why did i choose this url: im lame and also a cryptid cus nobody really knows a whole lot about me

18. following: 769

19. followers: 259

20. average hours of sleep: I either sleep for 14 hours straight or 4 hours of interuppted sleep. No in-between.

21. lucky number: 13, 37, 63, 42

22. instruments: i know a little bit of piano, mainly go off sound as I can't read sheet music.

23. what am i wearing: im in bed so.... 👁👄👁

24. dream job: little witchy shop owner by the seafront.... id cry

25. dream trip: Road trip...around the deep forests and countryside, small towns and the seafront. In one of those camper vans with the bed in the back.

26. favorite food: uhhh... Sushi, Cheesecake and ramen

27. Nationality: English :/

28: favorite song: Bisexual // GRLwood

29. last book read: My lesbian experience with loneliness by Kabi Nagata (yes its technically manga shhhh)

30. three fictional universes you’d want to live in: Stardew valley because... rustic queer... yes pls. Skyrim because I can weild a huge sword AND get a hot wife just by beating her in a fistfight?? The Dream. And finally uhhh... Animal crossing new horizons... sell fruit n bugs and b happy with leetle animal friends... amazing.

I tag whoever wants to do this! Have fun

[theyearoftheking]

Book Forty-One: Wizard and Glass

“His heart had been broken. And now, all these years later, it seemed to him that the most horrible fact of human existence was that broken hearts mended.” 

It was 1997 (you know, like 20 years ago) and I walked into my local bookshop (that would later employ me); and found this beautiful, pink, dreamy looking book on the new release shelf. Yes! Another Dark Tower book was released! I took Wizard and Glass on vacation to Maine with me, and my seventeen year-old, romantic self immediately fell in love with it. 

Like, hard, all consuming love.

 It still might be my favorite book in the series, even if I am a hardened old lady now. I’m more Rhea of the Coos than Susan  Delgado. Okay, maybe no... But this book is timeless. And I love the fact I still have my original copy of it... first edition, bitches!!!! As you can see, it’s well-loved and timeworn. But I love coming back to it. 

So, there was a six year gap between The Wastelands and Wizard and Glass. And the story picks right up where it left off: with Roland and the ka-tet stuck aboard the murderous Blaine the Mono. Blaine had challenged the ka-tet to a riddle-off; and if the ka-tet won, Blaine would not kill them. However, if they were unable to stump him, he’d continue on his suicide mission. 

Roland and Jake are busting out all their best riddles, but none of them are working. Finally, Eddie decides it’s his turn. He starts riddling some pretty awful puzzles (”Why do people go to bed?” “Because the bed won’t come to them!” “Why did the dead baby cross the road?” “Because it was stapled to the chicken!”). 

Eddie’s groan-worthy riddles melt Blaine’s mind; and the ka-tet lives to riddle another day. They emerge from the mono and find themselves in Kansas during The Stand times. They find a newspaper warning of Captain Trips; and graffiti telling them to, “Watch For The Walkin Dude!” and “All Hail the Crimson King!” 

But here’s where it gets all Dark Tower-y... it’s Kansas, and Captain Trips is a thing, but it’s an alternate version of Kansas. The baseball team is the Monarchs, the Takuro Spirit is a popular automobile, and Boing Boing Burgers is the fast food establishment of choice. Hmmm. 

So, the ka-tet picks up a new wheelchair for Susannah, and they take off turnpikin’. But there’s this strange sound... Susannah compares it to someone bending a saw back and forth. It’s a thinny. Roland has everyone tuck bullets in their ears, and continue on. But the thinny is getting to him... it reminds him of another thinny a lifetime ago. And that night when they sit around the campfire, he regales them with a story from his youth. 

Buckle up. This one is a doozy. 

So, after Roland was able to best his teacher Cort in a duel to prove his manhood, he promptly lost his virginity to a sex worker (as you do); and was then visited by his father. His father informs him that he knew all about his wife’s affair (you know, the one with his most trusted advisor... the one that caused Roland to duel in the first place). But he tells Roland he drew a shit-ton of attention to himself during his duel, and now he needs to get the hell out of Gilead, and lay low for a while. Maybe take some friends along? But not the goofy one. Spoiler: Roland totally takes the goofy one along.

So, he and his pals Alain and Cuthbert (the goofy one) set off for the Barony of Mejis where they’re going to pretend to work as inventory specialists for the Affiliation: they’re going to count every horse, fishing net, and other assorted good that could potentially be used in a war against John Farson. They’re working under assumed identities, and under the guise of boys from New Caanan who are being sent to Mejis as a form of punishment for some kind of boyhood shenanigans. 

Roland= William Dearborn

Alain= Richard Stockworth

Cuthbert= Arthur Heath

So, while the boys make themselves comfortable in the seaside and ranching town of Mejis; young Susan Delgado is off on a most torturous mission. Susan lives with her evil aunt, Cordelia, and since the death of her father, Pat, they have fallen on hard times. Cordelia has resorted to pimping Susan out for money. So, Susan is on her way to see Rhea of the Coos, the town witch to prove she’s “onnest”. Yeah... Rhea needs to feel her up, prove she’s still a virgin before she’s given to the Mayor Hart Thorin as his gilly: the girl he gets to knock up since his wife is old and barren. 

So, Rhea tears herself away from her magic, glowing pink ball (more on that later), feels Susan up, scrawls her symbol on a little strip of paper, and sends the girl on her way after hypnotizing her, and whispering something sinister in her ear. Susan all but runs from Rhea’s shack, and directly into Roland/William. 

Boom. 

Sparks.

Chemistry.

Instant love. 

But like all good lovers, they’re star crossed. Roland doesn’t understand it, he thinks they’re well met. But Susan knows she can’t mess up this gilly situation, so she tells him, “...if ye see me at Seafront- Mayor’s House- and if ye’d be my friend, see me there for the first time. As I’d see you.”

Susan is resolute in her words, but can’t help herself, and kisses Roland. 

Swoon.

Roland knows he’s got business to attend to, but he can’t get the pretty, blonde girl off his mind. So, he and the crew start introducing themselves around town, and are invited to a celebration at the mayor’s house. 

You already know. 

Roland and crew show up to Seafront, the mayor’s pad, and are introduced to all kinds of nefarious characters; including Eldred Jonas, one of the Big Coffin Hunters. The Big Coffin Hunters are nothing more than a group of guys with a blue coffin tattooed between their thumb and forefinger. 

Lame.

Of course Roland spots Susan, he finds out about her gilly situation, and during a dance he tells her, “I can be discreet, sai... As for propriety? I’m amazed you even know the word.” 

Sick burn!!! 

Later on that night, Roland is brooding about Susan (there’s a lot of brooding), while Alain and Cuthbert are out and about, and find the Big Coffin Hunters ganging up on Sheemie, a simple but sweetly loveable barkeep at the Travellers’ Rest Bar. There is a slingshot, and guns drawn, and the Big Coffin Hunters are pissed Roland and Crew ended up getting the jump on them. This causes some serious tension between the two crews. The Big Coffin Hunters get the idea that Roland and his crew are not the innocent boys they claim to be. Could they be... gunslingers? Nay! Too young... Or are they? 

Roland and Susan make up and make out (if you catch my drift); and The Big Coffin Hunters scheme. Reap Night is coming up, which is the big fall celebration in Mejis. They decide it might be fun to kill the mayor and Kimba Rimmer, his Chancellor and Minister of Inventory; and blame Roland and Crew for the murders. Bam! Immediate execution, problem solved. Oh, did I mention The Big Coffin Hunters are sneakily working for John Farson? Yeah, that’s a thing. 

Roland and Crew start noticing something is rotten in the state of Mejis... there are WAY too many horses. And oil tankers? Who needs oil tankers? And then their suspicions of support for Farson are confirmed when they find out Rhea has part of the Wizard’s Rainbow: thirteen glass balls, one for each of the Twelve Guardians of the Beam, and one that represents the nexus-point of the Beams. They’re basically magic balls that suck the user into it, and can show them things happening in the present, or the future. 

Rhea’s currently guarding the pink one, and it’s sucking the life out of her. She spends her entire day sitting and staring into it, learning about all the misdeeds of the people in Mejis. Including Susan and Roland. She even sends a cryptic note to an already suspicious Aunt Cordelia. Not good. 

So, the murders go down, and The Big Coffin Hunters leave a bird’s skull at the scene, which had been Cuthbert’s main accessory. So, Roland and Crew are arrested, Susan and Sheemie free them, and the mayor’s wife tries to get her out of town quickly. 

Meanwhile, Roland and Crew have a showdown with The Big Coffin Hunters, where Roland asks Eldred Jonas who his teacher had been. Was it Cort? Cort’s father? Jonas is rattled. But Roland and Crew kick some ass, kill The Big Coffin Hunters, blow up the oil rigs, and send most of the horses into the thinny. Deuces, Mejis! 

And... then Roland knows he’s faced with two choices: he can find Susan (currently pregnant with their baby) and live his happily ever after out in some shanty town, or he can metaphorically tip his hat to Susan, and continue on his journey for The Tower. 

Decisions, decisions...

I shouldn’t need to give you a spoiler alert. If you’ve read the other books in this series, you should know Roland is the ultimate Fuckboy: he’s heading out for that Tower. I couldn’t stop thinking of the Joni Mitchell song Case of You, “Go to him, stay with him if you can, but be prepared to bleed...”

Or in Susan’s case, burn. 

Oh, Joni Mitchell just gets me so damn good. 

So, before their untimely death, The Big Coffin Hunters had brought Rhea down from her house on the hill, telling her she needed to turn over the pink ball. She wouldn’t turn it over, but she would accompany them as its protector. In the meantime, she manages to bewitch the town, and convince them to burn Susan Delgado on reap night. Charyou tree... death for you, life for the crop... 

Susan dies on a burning pyre, screaming, “I love thee, Roland!”

Roland sees this all go down in the pink ball he steals from Eldred Jonas right before his death, and is an numb mess. He knew he and Susan were not fated to be together, but this wasn’t the end he had in mind. Honestly, not the end any of us had in mind. And every damn time I read this book, I wish it would end differently. Maybe Roland and Susan could have ended up together. Maybe baby would have made three on their search for the tower. Imagine the selfies they could have taken in front of the tower with Baby Suland. Suland: Susan and Roland... get it? Suland? Rolsan? Ok, maybe not. 

So, Roland wraps up the tale, and his crew is transfixed by the story. They ask all kinds of good follow-up questions, and keep turnpikin’. At one point, they find ruby red shoes for all of them, and end up in a strange Dark Tower/Wizard of Oz mash-up where they find the man behind the curtain is actually the Tick-Tock Man, who made it to Kansas (?) by some kind of underground network. He tries to kill them, they kill him, and then Marten appears. You know... the evil wizard. He tries to warn them off their journey towards the Beam, they refuse, and he sends them on their way with backpacks full of food. And this cute little note, “Next time I won’t leave. Renounce the Tower. This is your last warning. And have a great day!” RF

RF is of course Randall Flagg, who is the main baddie from The Stand. He wears a lot of hats, y’all. It must be a bitch keeping all his business cards straight.

So, the ka-tet continue on. The end. 

God damn, I love this book so much. It’s got it all: romance, suspense, gunfights, bad guys getting it in the end, and crossovers into the Constant Reader universe. So much good stuff. 

Total Wisconsin Mentions: 27

Total Dark Tower References: 38

Book Grade: A+

Rebecca’s Definitive Ranking of Stephen King Books

The Talisman: A+

Wizard and Glass: A+

Needful Things: A+

The Green Mile: A+

Rose Madder: A+

Misery: A+

Different Seasons: A+

It: A+

Four Past Midnight: A+

The Shining: A-

The Stand: A-

The Wastelands: A-

The Drawing of the Three: A-

Dolores Claiborne: A-

Nightmares in the Sky: B+

The Dark Half: B+

Skeleton Crew: B+

The Dead Zone: B+

Nightmares & Dreamscapes: B+

‘Salem’s Lot: B+

Carrie: B+

Creepshow: B+

Cycle of the Werewolf: B-

Danse Macabre: B-

The Running Man: C+

Thinner: C+

Dark Visions: C+

The Eyes of the Dragon: C+

The Long Walk: C+

The Gunslinger: C+

Pet Sematary: C+

Firestarter: C+

Rage: C

Desperation: C-

Insomnia: C-

Cujo: C-

Nightshift: C-

Gerald’s Game: D

Roadwork: D

Christine: D

The Tommyknockers: D-

Next is Bag of Bones, which I haven’t read since it’s initial release. Yep, I’ve got that first edition too, bitches!! I’m 100 pages in and have caught so many references that went over my head the first time I read it. It’s fun. Stay tuned for that review very soon. 

Until next time, Long Days & Pleasant Nights, Rebecca

[deathstroke-the-himbonator]

So... I made a playlist for Black Hat/Terra... mostly because I’m trash but also I like these songs for them. I’ll set up a link to the playlist I made on Spotify, and I’ll also put the song list below the cut as well what lyrics made me put it on the playlist/why I think it fits them. Enjoy!

Link to playlist: Why Can’t We Laugh Now Like We Did Then?

NFWMB - Hozier [Ain't it warming you, the world gone up in flames? / Ain't it the life of you, your lighting of the blaze? / Ain't it a waste, they'd watch the throwing of the shade? / Ain't you my baby, ain't you my babe?] ((Hgh, definitely from Black Hat’s POV... dude doesn’t understand why his GF doesn’t get off to violence and murder as much as him.))

Landlocked Blues - Bright Eyes [A good woman will pick you apart / A box full of suggestions for your possible heart / But you may be offended, and you may be afraid / But don't walk away, don't walk away] ((A lesson we all wish Black Hat had learned... unfortunately, by the time he realized he truly loved Terra, she was already gone. Damn, now I’m sad about these dumbasses... again.))

Loud Places - Jamie XX (feat. Romy) [Didn't I take you to / Higher places you can't reach without me? / (I have never reached such heights) Reach without me / (I feel music in your eyes / I have never reached such heights)] ((Just a warning, most of these are from Black Hat’s POV (mostly because Spotify doesn’t have my favorite Tera POV song on there (Bruno is Orange - Hop Along)), but in other news, this song is Black Hat not quite hitting the anger stage yet after Terra left, but being more astonished that she left at all.))

The Less I Know The Better - Tame Impala [I was doing fine without ya / Till I saw your face, now I can't erase / Giving in to all his bullshit / Is this what you want? Is this who you are? / I was doing fine without ya / Till I saw your eyes, turn away from mine / Oh, sweet darling, where he wants you / Said, "Come on, Superman, say your stupid line!"] ((Black Hat wants Harold dead and misses Terra; not much else to say, lol.))

Gypsy Girl - Admiral Fallow [How I'd croon for you if you were mine / And how I swoon every time you pass me by / So I will endeavor to be clever for you / Gypsy girl, your style is cool] ((Very soft song, and fits Black Hat and Terra just before they hook up; Black Hat is smitten and Terra is denying her feelings in secret.))

Happy Together - The Turtles [Me and you and you and me / No matter how they toss the dice, it had to be / The only one for me is you, and you for me / So happy together] ((Black Hat can’t let go of the people he loves so he gets possessive and angry, more at 11.))

Genghis Khan - Miike Snow [It's a shit old world / Cause I don't really want you, girl / But you can't be free / Cause I'm selfish, I'm obscene] ((Black Hat and Terra post-Kenning finding out about everything surrounding their relationship... Black Hat has given up on getting back together with Terra by now, since she broke his heart, and now he just wants to make her life hell for it. Not great.))

Stay - Alessia Cara and Zedd [Waiting for the time to pass you by / Hope the winds of change will change your mind / I could give a thousand reasons why / And I know you, and you've got to] ((Black Hat begging Terra to hold on and not leave him, but it’s too late... yep, I’m fucking sad again :,( ))

Hellbent - Mystery Skulls [Mmm, I've been hellbent, baby / Hellbent on making you love me, too / Even though not what I'm supposed to do / I don't give a damn, mmm] ((This one could actually be from Terra’s POV (at long last) as it’s about doing the “wrong” thing, but... Black Hat is still a possessive motherfucker (literally)... sorry for the pun.))

Love Me Dead - Ludo [Love me cancerously / How's your new boy? Does he know about me? / You've got the mark of the beast / You're born of a jackal! You're beautiful!] ((Black Hat having conflicting feelings about his ex/wondering if Terra told Harold about them banging yet... boy is gonna find out in a few months.))

Pork Soda - Glass Animals [Somewhere in South End when you were fun / You took my hand and you made me run / Up past the prison to the seafront / You climbed the cliff edge and took the plunge / Why can't we laugh now like we did then? / How come I see you and ache instead? / How come you only look pleased in bed? / Let's climb the cliff edge and jump again] ((Black Hat wants things to be like they used to with Terra, but that time is long gone, and now he’s vengeful and depressed.))

My Happy Ending - Avril Lavigne [All the memories so close to me, just fade away / All this time you were pretending / So much for my happy ending] ((Again, either Terra or Black Hat here... Terra’s upset that her dream to be with Black Hat and become a villain didn’t work out, and Black Hat’s just mad the woman he wanted to marry bailed on him.))

((On another note, y’all are so lucky I didn’t put Shape of You by Ed Sheeran on here because I literally almost Did That... I’m so sorry, guys; I sometimes have the music tastes of an Idiot, as you’re about to see.))

[wolfpawn]

I Hate You, I Love You, Chapter 14

Chapter Summary - Headlines break around the world about the end of Tom and Taylor's break up.

Emma is introduced to Paul, and of course, Tom comes up in conversation

.Tom meets with Luke regarding Taylor's accusations.

Previous Chapter

Rating - Mature (some chapters contain smut)

Triggers - references to Tom Hiddleston’s work with the #MeToo Movement. That chapter will be tagged accordingly.

authors Note - I have been working on this for the last 3 years, it is currently 180+ chapters long.  This will be updated daily, so long as I can get time to do so, obviously.

apologies for not putting chapter 11 in correctly, I have since rectified it. 

The headlines at the top of the chapter were all ones I copied from Google when Tom and Ms Swift parted ways. 

If you wish to be tagged, please let me know.

tags: @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog  @jessibelle-nerdy-mum@nonsensicalobsessions @damalseer @hiddlesbitch1

Tom Hiddleston 'grew tired of Taylor Swift' after 'three-month rule'

It's over: Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston 'split'

Taylor Swift, Tom Hiddleston Split: ‘Thor’ Actor Looking for New Relationship? ‘Bad Blood’ Singer Writes New Album?

Farewell, Hiddleswift: Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston Call It Quits

Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston Break Up

Taylor Swift Is Reportedly 'Uncomfortable' With Tom Hiddleston's Desire To Make Their Relationship So Public

*

“I’m so sorry I’m late.” Paul sat at the table next to Danielle, kissing her cheek as he joined her, Emma and her husband.

“You arrived, that is all that matters.” Emma smiled, looking at Paul in an assessing manner as he sat. “I’m Emma by the way.” She declared, holding her hand out to him.

“Paul Pennycooke.” He smiled, extending his own. Her husband Jack did similar when introducing himself. “So you guys know Danni a while so?”

Emma’s brow rose at Paul’s nickname for her friend. “Yes, I met Elle the weekend she moved in, I was the one to actually go over and say hello, then I forced Tom to help her move stuff out of the van.” she smiled.

“Can you call it helping? He was sweating like a pig after three boxes.” Danielle scoffed playfully.

“Well bless him; he is not the strongest guy.” Emma agreed. “We were both home that weekend, and well you met mum, she insisted on bringing Elle for a cup of tea, then from there she extracted poor Elle’s back story and has effectively adopted her.”

“Feels more like a kidnapping most days.” Danielle laughed, chucking some bread at Emma.

“Do you ever stop throwing food?” Paul laughed, looking at her. Her response was grabbing another tiny piece at him. “That is a no then.”

“You get used to her Paul.” Emma smiled fondly. “She did it at my wedding.”

“You joked about my boobs, in your bridal speech.”

“I just said I got self-conscious when we were checking bridesmaid dresses because everything you tried made you look big.”

“You did not say ‘big’, the words you used were ‘like Dolly Parton’. They aren’t even big.” Everyone at the table with the exception of the Irish woman burst out laughing. “See, which is why I threw food at her, and again, it was a bit of bread, nothing deadly.”

“It was stuck inside my dress for hours; it actually came out when I finally got out of it that night.”

“See, I was a great bridesmaid, I made sure you had a snack for bed.” She grinned smugly.

“Why are we friends?”

“I ask myself that some days.” Danielle joked; Emma stuck her tongue out at her, which Elle mirrored.

“So you decided to call Elle, Danni? Any reason for that?” Emma asked curiously when she decided to act like an adult once more.

Paul looked at Danielle for a moment. “Well, no one knows her as Elle outside of your family, I called her Danni at work, and when I heard her being called Elle by your mum, and I thought it would be intruding if I were to starting calling her that too.”

“I don’t look like an Elle.”

“I refute that.” Paul dismissed, “You sound like all of those names.”

“They do suit you actually.” Emma agreed, Jack nodded in agreement as his mouth was full.

“Well, I disagree.”

“Only to be awkward.” Jack teased, long used to Elle being around his wife and her family.

Danielle took her napkin off her lap. “That’s it, I have had my fill of posh people for today, I’m off to slum it by the seafront with the homeless people.”

“We are not posh,” Emma argued.

Danielle stared at her sceptically for a moment. “You mean are not ‘up your own ass’ posh, but you, my dear friend, are posh.”

“Well, it’s better than the other ‘p’ word that gets thrown around.” She shrugged. “By the way, did you actually call Tom that when he went off at you?” Emma asked her friend, somewhat scared of the answer she would receive.

“First of all, he came up and was rude to me just after that terrible car crash with that woman and her kids, so I was feeling really tired and shit, before we go any further, but I did say to him that I did not have the time or the energy, I can’t remember which exactly, for his ‘first world, privately educated, rich, privileged white boy problems’ or something to that effect.” Danielle defended.

“All things considered, I think that was alright.” Paul immediately sided with her. “I read about that crash and Kevin, a college friend of mine was the assistant pathologist for that, he wasn’t right for a week after.”

“And at the top of the list of jobs I would never wish to have, we have a new one.” Emma shuddered. “It was mean and very classist of you Elle, but you had justification.” She conceded.

“If it is any consolation, I was just trying to piss him off; you know I don’t give a rat’s ass what education you guys have.”

“I know.”

“I did almost identical to you all with my regular commoner one anyway.” She joked.

“You have more subjects too.” Emma agreed before she looked at her friend seriously again. “Have you heard from Tom?”

“You mean since every last magazine and gossip rag paper put his face on the front page last week, no, I haven’t. I mean, he called the day after the statement at whatever fashion show he was at, but I wasn’t in the mood to talk so Paul spoke to him.”

“Yeah, well, it finally happened, it only took three months of praying.”

“You prayed?”

“You met her; if I thought sacrificing a goat would have worked, I would have been scouring the countryside, trust me,” Emma stated. Danielle laughed and went to drink some of her water. “You know there is one magazine that stated online he was emotionally and verbally abusive.” There were tears in Emma’s eyes when she said that.

Danielle’s eyes went wide and she spilt her water on herself. “WHAT?” she squeaked loudly.

“Yes, they said, my brother verbally abused her, that he was controlling and ridiculing.”

“Tom? Tom, Tom? Your brother Tom? What did he do, ask her to put the milk into the tea before the hot water? He’s been an ass, but not abusive. I see abusive relationships every second night of the week at work, it is bread and butter basic for me to have to recognise, and Tom is not that. I mean, I spat those words I said a minute ago to him and his response was only that I was jealous; if he was abusive, I dare say I would have gotten a hell of a lot more than that.” Elle dismissed.

“You see, even you can say that after everything,” Emma argued.

“What did Diana say?”

“You think we told her? Luke had it pulled down within twenty-four hours, promising the lawsuit to end all lawsuits if they didn’t.”

“So it never happened, we don’t mention it past now,” Danielle stated clearly.

“Agreed.” Jack concurred. “Your mum doesn’t need that.”

“Definitely, it would kill her; and Tom doesn’t need that, I mean, she damaged his career enough, that could have put the final nail in the coffin, he can come back from a PR disaster relationship, but abuse; that is mud that sticks,” Danielle commented.

“Even after everything you still care.” Emma smiled.

“Of course, he’s an ass as I stated already, but he’s not that kind.”

*

“I…” Tom paced frantically.

“We knew something like this would happen.” Luke stay sitting at his desk, watching Tom, getting increasingly dizzy as he did so. “Just sit down.”

“Can we trace it back to her?”

“Of course not; she has the best PR and legal teams I have ever had the misfortune to be against.” Luke sighed. “Look, it’s retracted, we have our spin, she has hers, people are taking it as well as they can, deciding for themselves, there is no more we can do.”

“I should have gone for a low blow.” Tom groaned.

“She would have used that to her advantage.” Luke begrudgingly admitted. “I’m glad you sought to not do that.”

“There’s a clip of her in a studio, singing a few lines, whiney break-up ones.”

“I’m aware Tom; I keep a close eye on these things, even when you forgot to ask me to. That’s why you hired me. We knew this would happen, the songs are nigh on as certain as tax and death.”

“I’ve been a shit friend, thank you, Luke.”

“We’ve been together since you started Tom, I have your back.” Luke smiled.

“Even when I’m an egotistical ass?” Tom asked.

“I work with actors, by default you are all egotistical asses.” Luke scoffed. “Have you spoken to your family about the claims?”

“Emma found the article, she contacted me and Sarah about it, mum doesn’t know, and we want to keep it that way,” Tom explained.

“Good idea.” Luke nodded. “And anything from Ms Hughes?”

“No, I tried talking to her, but her boyfriend said she didn’t want to speak with me.” Tom’s tone was downtrodden.

“Her boyfriend?”

“Yeah, she’s seeing some doctor from work, according to mum he is brilliant and everything Elle needs.”

Luke eyed Tom carefully, noting his demeanour. “Right, well, she seems to not be the focus of anything so far, but the album may be where we will find her, I cannot believe I may be forced to buy that, you don’t pay me enough. I mean I rather a sex tape scandal to this.”

“Really?”

“Please don’t tell me she has that on you?” Luke asked fearfully.

“Thankfully not.”

“Don’t scare me like that Tom; I can only take so much. You’re going to give me heart failure.” Tom chuckled. “I’ll deal with anything that comes up and keep you posted.”

“Thank you, Luke, and I am so sorry for everything.”

“Yeah, well, when you get that Oscar, or Emmy, or whatever award, my name has to be front and centre after this.”

“Before mum even.”

“After your mum, I think she would castrate me if I tried to take credit for you.” Tom laughed and hugged his friend goodbye. “I’m glad your back Tom.” Luke smiled at him.

“I am glad to be back,” Tom admitted. “I just hadn’t it in me to continue.”

“You’re an English boy, you have what it takes to make it in Hollywood, but not the mindset to live there; behind it all, you are still a London boy, and that’s cool. I mean Fassbender, Cumberbatch, you, Redmayne, you are all over here from choice, and that’s a good thing.”

“How are you wiser than me and younger?”

“It’s a deadly combination, but you forgot better looking too.” Luke joked.

“I will see you soon.” Tom laughed as he left the office. When he got to his car he realised he had missed a call from Emma when he was talking to Luke, so pressing the callback option, he sat and waited, toying with the keys before placing them in the ignition, but not turning the car on.

“Hey, big brother.” Emma sang cheerfully down the phone.

“Really? Too much wine at dinner.”

“It was a special occasion, and it was only two glasses, well maybe three.” She countered.

“And what special occasion is this then?” Tom smiled before getting serious. “You’re not driving are you?”

“No, Elle is designated driver, and I got to meet Paul, we had a double dinner date, her and Paul, me and Jack. God, Tom, he’s really nice; Elle is after getting herself someone lovely. Wait til you meet him, I think you two will get on great.” She rambled.

The smile Tom had on his face at the thought of Elle and Emma having dinner fell as soon as Emma mentioned Paul, then he felt his throat tighten as she gushed about him. “I…That’s nice.” He forced out.

“Let me know when you’re home next, I am going to be there, I promise.” She swore. “I missed you for ages.”

“Well, I was home a couple of times recently,” Tom argued.

“Yeah, but either she was there, or there was a threat of her being there.” Emma countered.

“She’s a person, not a terrorist threat,” Tom stated in a deadpan tone.

“She’s a terrorist, did you see the shit she wrote about you. I mean, Elle poured water on herself in shock at what was written, she was sickened.”

“But she won’t talk to me.”

“Yeah well, Elle is not the 'forgive and forget' easily type, you know that. but she will Tom, I could see it on her face, she misses you, she’ll want to talk soon.”

“Even with a boyfriend?”

“Why would Paul matter? He was siding with you, telling her to talk to you.”

Tom’s gut clenched more at that. “He does seem like a nice guy.”

“He is; he’s the best.” Emma beamed. “Anyway, I better have a tea or two and get myself out of tipsy land; I don’t want to wake up at four in the morning dying of a headache. Bye, big brother.”

“Bye Emma.” Tom hung up the phone and stared at it for a few moments. He frowned at how the mention of Paul with Elle had caused him to feel odd but put it down to his now single status once more.

[jordyjensen]

Some shit that either might be going down or i’m mad. Either way i’m creeped and intrigued at the same time.

Since at least 2013 I’ve been experiencing visitations by an entity known as the hatman.(The hatman is an entity known to cause night terrors and sleep paralysis, To me he appears as a tall man in a cloak and a stetson style hat. 

He is blacker than anything it’s like looking at a black hole. he has no features that I can see, just darkness that light cannot seem to penetrate). Most of the visitations consisted of repeated nightmares of the same locations, but where the conversations would be different. It would I would either be in what to me felt like a run down hospital, or an underground carpark, hospital stairwell kind of setting. Or in a dismal academia type of setting. It always felt dreary and uninviting. Like I just had to find my way out of there. Aware somehow, in the back of my mind- that the hat man was watching and waiting to corner me. And when he did, He would talk. I would hear him/feel his words in my head and my bones, But he never physically spoke. I could understand him but it never makes sense and I can never remember what it is he actually said. Its weird. There is this overwhelming sense of dread. Like nothing I’ve ever felt or encountered. Then theres the sleep paralysis. 

 I ignored itto begin with, As I had- at that moment in time been going through some turmoil in my life (abusive partner, drug addiction)- But he didn’t stop when I left that relationship, and it didn’t stop during subsequent ones either, It didn’t stop when I stopped drug use. Infact- it intensified, and people around me were starting to experience things too. Especially those people who at first had told me ‘’it’s all in your head’’  and ‘’Don’t worry, it’s not real- it’s just the drugs’’. They started seeing it too, I would see it while I was awake sometimes. That was the worst because I couldn’t just put it down to tiredness or being a nightmare anymore.  However, For the last I’d say about 3 years- His ‘’visits’’ have lessened. and in their place is another one (Or even the same one, but this time choosing to appear differently- I have no idea if it’s the same entity or another one...all I know is they don’t seem to be around at the same time- hence the conclusion they might possibly be the same entity). Anyway-

The second entity I am about to tell you about now, began making appearances around 3 years ago, Like the first entity- it started with unpleasant reoccurring dreams.

In the very first appearance I can remember- It seemed very early morning, around dawn, the sky was grey- and I became aware of a tapping at the door, I answered the door to find nothing, So puzzled- I stepped out onto the top step. Our house is situated on a hill and overlooking fields and valleys. It is a really pretty view from the front of the house. Anyway, Standing in the drive at the bottom of the stairs is a man. He’s dirty, dishevelled and the easiest way to describe his appearance is wild, birdlike. Almost native american in the way he’s decoraed with feathers and whatnot, But he has feathers growing out of his flesh. In the dream I asked him something along the lines of who are you? can I help you with something? I don’t remember anything he said, but I do remember him suddenly grabbing a hold of me and  taking off into the sky, like literally jumping on the spot but instead of coming back down, continuing up into the sky, the speed and air made my eyes sting and water and my stomach was feeling like it was about to fall out of my arse. Then for some reason were standing on a pylon, just overlooking the scenery for miles.  I remember nothing of what we talked about. I do remember asking his name and he brushed it off but I felt strognly it was connected to the letter ‘’M’’.  of course I brushed this of as a bizzaro dream and in honesty, was just happy to have a less scary dream than the ones i was used to with the hat man!. 

Now this is where things get odd, I notice when I wake up there is a big crow making a right racket outside the bedroom window. and it’s windy as FUCK.  Pretty soon I begin to notice lots of odd things, crows and ravens turning up all the time whether it be on tv, in magazines, books,  In these dreams Nothing particularly awful seemed to happen, it was more a sense of uncertainty or worry, The best way to describe this feeling is to think of being in this scenario: You’re a very anxious person, very socially awkward and you don’t have many friends or family, the only person you really see or talk to is your spouse, you have agoraphobia as a result of the social anxiety so don’t go out much...However, You find yourself in a nice quaint little seaside town- granted it’s the middle of winter, pissing it down with rain and always near dark. You struggle up a long, steep hill to a run down hotel/bar- everyone in there seems to look at you as if they know you and all of them beckoning you to join them and drink with them, but you become aware of your spouses sudden absence, S/he has everything, the house-keys, the money ect ect, and quite frankly you are like a frightened child w/o them....You are trying desperately to think where they might have gotten to, you rush around hoping to see them or someone you recognise but everyone is in your way or trying to engage you in conversation. Imagine that kind of feeling.

Anyway in the dreams, There is often a backdrop of said seafront, stormy seas, rocks, There is a narrow walk way leading down at the side where the sea goes off into sort of a stream down a hill, Just off the main promenade/road where all the little tea rooms and gift shops are located.

The hotel is OLLLLLD and completely in need of refurbishment, it’s falling apart, dirty brown net curtains that were obviously once white or cream, The rooms have peeling wallpaper, ancient furniture, they look like they were decorated in the 60′s but never maintained. 

The streets are very narrow and the buildings are tall, old-fashioned English seaside style buildings (in the dreams, Not where I live-there is  no sea or sand around my gaff) Also- I haven’t mentioned this, as not sure if it’s important/relevant to the happenings since I’ve read other peoples similar accounts and they are living allll over the globe, but just in case it has any relevance I live in England, Yorkshire if you want to be  really precise)

In the first dreams, I would become aware of a crow or raven that would always be near by, it would always be crowing. In later dreams, it would be that I would feel compelled to open up one of the dirty, sash windows and there would be a crow perched directly on the opposite building on the window ledge, an it would always fly straight towards my window, sometimes I would hasten to close it before the bird can get in and it will peck and scratch at he glass all the while crowing it’s head off, In others i would be amused by the bird coming over and it would get inside the window, where it would fly around madly and fly at me (obviously this would always shit me the fuck up in the dream enough to actually wake me up in the real world)  

In Later dreams, he appears like the dishevelled man from the first dream, sitting down in chairs in what appears to be a crap little pub, the kind that you find in the arse end of nowhere (where its only usual customers are people similar in looks and personality to  Claude Greengrass off heartbeat and Shadrach off emmerdale) Its like he would be wanting me to join him but i’d always feel a sense of No man what the hell? You scare the living fuck out of me for no reason and then offer me a drink? No mate- think i’ll pass’’.  I would always immediatly wake up from these dreams, to find in reality, the big crow ever present outside, ever shouting away to himself day or night, rain,shine,snow or gale (though mostly gale i’ve noticed) (Over the last 3 years I’ve started to recognize and become familiar with this particular crows call and recognize it over other crows) It’s always super windy too, like gail force windy when that crow is about. Wether it be summer or winter. Midnight or lunchtime. 

Then by chance I heard mention of the valravn. And that then led me on to Malphas. I have the really strong pull towards the name Malphas. I think this could potentially be the (or at least one of) the entities I’m dealing with.

I don’t know why, I can’t think of a reason for it to be him as I’ve certainly not invoked any demons (at least not knowingly) Or even tried to. I’m not the sort of person who would have balls enough to go messing with things I don’t understand completely). 

I’ve today discovered other people who have had similar accounts of Malphas (and the hatman) and it is for these reasons I am somewhat open to the idea that these might not just be dreams. This shit might have actually gotten real. 

Recently Malphas has been pretty relentless, And the most recent dream was the most disturbing one yet. In this dream he appears, beckoning to me as usual, with a friendly ‘’It’s ok, i’m your friend’’ look. But getting closer I become aware he is surrounded by a massive group of crows/ravens all of them seemed to be attached to him at the waist by black cords that seemed to be made of a similar black matter that the hatman appears to be made of like a black,shadow like matter. The birds were flapping wildly to escape their bonds, screaming a hellish murder. all the while Malphas seemed to be loving every moment of it. I woke up again, to the crow outside screaming as per, with gale force winds rattling through the house. 

At this point i’m wondering what the deal is, what I’ve done to both anger this guy and cause him to relentlessly stalk my waking and sleeping lives.

Why did he even get involved in the first place? 

I might get answers in later days, or I might just get sicker until I die and my soul is claimed to an eternity of terror and torment. Who the fuck knows? Not fucking me!. 

[something-very-special]

they ran over the seals

More Replicant playthrough observations and general nonsense under the cut. For reference, up to the keystone quest; completed the Forest of Myth and Junk Heap.

This fucking game I swear to god.

A vaguely coherent ramble about sidequests An observation about sidequests in general in this game -- and I don't recall if I ever voiced this somewhere public or it was just a personal observation from my time with the original -- is that the quests in the first half of the game are all relatively easy to complete. There's that one asshat who wants 10 goat hides, but other than him, most of the sidequests are either very much based on finding characters, or gathering a sensible number of items that are either relatively common, purchasable, or given a guaranteed spawn for the duration of that quest.

The sidequests everybody remembers having to do are in the second half, where everybody is demanding and awful and I'm sorry ten MACHINE OILS do you know how goddamn rare those are? They're goddamn rare.

(We'll not discuss Life in the Sands.)

This is generally agreed to, in the technical vernacular, 'suck'. And it's always funny that the most interesting sidequests are the ones with very minimal requirements (Yonah's cooking, getting Popola drunk, the Lighthouse Ladoh my god everything's gone blurry I'm not crying you're crying who am I kidding we're both crying). That particular aspect of the design also feels intentional, not really gating your ability to progress the really meaningful or funny sidequests behind an unreasonable number of rare items. The other aspect of the design is that these quests are not meant to be completed in a single playthrough; most of them are single-stage and just absolutely unreasonable, but if you're going through the game four times you have a... reasonable chance of getting everything you need more or less naturally.

Nobody does that but I think that was the intended design. I think it's a good idea, although the execution of expectation is flawed so I don't really blame people for saying those sidequests suck. (Although I will in turn blame people for saying the sidequests suck as a blanket statement. Yeah getting that guy who burned his kitchen down a billion Broken Motors is aggravating but did you not find that old man's dog? Speak to Ursula on her death bed? Solve a murder? Then again I think tracking down that rotten son who's trying to get away from The Family Business only to learn his father is a con-artist and get literally no reward is the height of comedy so maybe I'm not the greatest point of reference.)

But that asshole in Facade can get bent. I can't exploit my garden properly, jackass! I am no longer a god of time. (I kid, of course.) (This guys sucks even when you can fix your clock.)

Forest of Myth It didn't even occur to me to wonder how they would incorporate the comprehensive voice acting into the Forest of Myth. I like how it plays out, although I wish the voices maybe had a fade as you went deeper into the dream instead of just cutting out at some point, especially for the lines where the characters are being ascribed actions by the narrator that they themselves aren't doing near the start of the Deathdream. But it's just delightful to go back to it. The second half of the game really sticks in your mind both for emotional reasons and because you play it at least three times per full playthrough of the game, but the first half is just so much fun.

Protip: Talk to everybody after you've finished the dream sidequest. Weiss tries to dissuade you. Don't let him dissuade you. I'm still delighted by the Mayor; "We're building a statue of you, made of solid gold. I know you don't own a horse, but we're going to put you on a horse."

I forgot about Yonah being a disaster chef Papa Nier's reaction to the stew is better. Brother is still funny but Papa Nier just expecting to die is comedy gold.

For anybody curious, the joke about the cakes is that Yonah made 'fruit cake' using some of the worst possible fruits for cake-making. If only she'd thrown a tomato into the mix, too.

Lighthouse Lady Every time. what the fuck is a canal I'm aware of the addition of the new-old content but it didn't occur to me until Popola suddenly starts nattering on about fixing the canal when I'm expecting Yonah to talk about a penpal that oh, yeah, I guess Seafront would have had something going on the first half that would play into the second half? (I assume it does. Be weird to introduce these characters just to have groundwork for an added sidequest. ...but it was a cute sidequest.) But look Popola my boy is supposed to be in the next area I visit could we-- I mean he's on the way could we just-- no-- fiiiiiiiiiine. (It was short and sweet, though, and I appreciate that the couple's love is exemplified by them both calling Weiss a floating magazine in tandem.) On a related note but was I the only person suddenly concerned when the sidequest completion maxed out at 50% and not 51%? I had to double-check with a guide just to make sure, since I've spent the last decade telling people to make sure you hit 51% before going on to Part II.

MY BOY I love that nowadays, Emil is everybody's son. But I really wish I could go find somebody only familiar with Automata and just watch their reaction. (I'm guessing there are streams out there that fulfill this but man I'd love to get it in-person.) If you're only familiar with him from Automata this has to be a mindfuck.

Personal anecdote, but I've had the privilege of playing NIER with somebody else almost every time I've gone through it. I had a wonderful experience of doing a replay some years back with somebody who had experienced it with me before but didn't have the most solid memory of the beginning (and had actually missed the entire weapon's lab the first time through). I get to the boy at the piano introducing himself and the 'Wait, what?' was a thing of beauty.

MY ANDROID This was a welcome mindfuck for me; finding Sebastian and having him 'reactivate' in such an unnatural, mechanical way. I don't recall if it was ever officially confirmed that Sebastian is an android (I know that it's just understood that this is the case but I'm not I can't recall a specific one) but the little flair they added to his animation caught me completely off guard. I liked it!

Destroying the food source A lot of people will cite a major inciting incident for the game as being when the protagonist heading back into the village and killing the child Shades just outside the entrance. This moment is such a great bit of subtle foreshadowing that's so easy to miss... but kind of joining that, just before the Knave of Hearts attacks, I realized that the Shades out on the Northern Plains are clearly ramping up for an assault of their own by murdering the sheep. The sheep population at this point is decimated (which is great when you realize you haven't gotten the Sheepslayer trophy and you're about to enter Part II and you don't know if the boar drifting minigame got carried forward with the inclusion of 15 Nightmares). You go out onto the Plains and you will find not only small clusters of sheep left behind instead of the vast, terrifying herds from the start of the game, but until you get their attention the Shades are prioritizing killing the sheep. (Also annoying because that doesn't count toward my sheep murder number.) The Shades will be out there also killing sheep earlier on, but since the whole map is in Overcast mode after talking to Yonah it's especially prevalent to go out to the Northern Plains and seeing the slaughter. And I realized-- they're cutting the Village off from a primary food source. Shades don't eat and they don't have any beef with the local ungulates (at least, no more so than anybody else does), so why are they hunting down the sheep? To deprive their enemies of resources. Sheep are extinct by the timeskip. It's actually really clever of them, and a really clever indication of their sentience and intelligence before it's fully verified.

"Let's get these shit-hogs!" Everything about the way Kaine and Emil interact across the entire game is perfect I will brook no argument this is objective fact.

Emotive Rectangles I wrote an essay about this before but it really bears repeating that the job the original animators did with this scene is just phenomenal. The way Weiss drifts, flits, flips, fans his pages, drunkenly swerves, shoots around the room in defiance... He's a goddamn rectangle, but there is so much emotion and personality in this scene just based on the movements conveyed through a what is effectively just a box. Ten years later and triple-A titles with full facial capture don't have this much seething personality. I really have to give props to the cavia animators, wherever they wound up. That studio could really put some subtle love and care into their titles, utterly unnecessary and easy to miss but you can tell that whoever was working on it was giving it their all. The books are probably the exemplification of this, but every time I go into Seafront and visit the seals I can tell that the guy on seal duty was having just the best day. They made Emil so pretty There's an FMV cutscene right smack in the middle of the original game after the battle against Noir. I understand why it was a necessity on a technical level, but it always looked pretty out of place and a little uncanny valley compared to the rest of the graphical fidelity. That's no longer a necessity so this cutscene is rendered in-engine. I admit I was actually curious to see it redone this way and it looks fantastic. I single out Emil since he is the focal point of cutscene and because his particular high-poly model had some pretty weird difference from his in-engine model, but he and Kaine both look great. But, like, it's almost mean how pretty he is.

They made Brother Nier so pretty Yeah okay you got me he's kind of hot. Kaine's expression when she wakes up and looks him over is... significantly easier to read now. Good voice, too. (Ancient rumors tell that one of the issues with international releases of RepliCant was that they couldn't find an English VA with a voice that 'fit' Brother Nier. He sounded good out the gate but hearing him growl "Let's go TAKE CARE of those KIDS" during the thief sidequest-- I got chills. It sounds so silly but there's a kind of percolating fury to that delivery. Papa Nier was like frustrated but mostly disappointed dad; I felt like Brother was going to take care of those kids, and nobody was going to find the bodies. Younger Brother Nier just never stops looking goofy to me but Older Brother just looks great in motion, between the alterations they made to the movement and just the entire weaponry system. The distinction between the two halves of the game was always a little odd in the Gestalt version-- not odd enough to really raise eyebrows if you didn't know about RepliCant, but of course you can tell that this age gape between the optimistic doe-eyed dogooder and a man largely ruled by his fury and calloused by tragedy is what the timeskip was going for. Swab me down and call me Ishmael, it works. Younger Brother wasn't quite clicking with me-- not because of any writing or voicework issues, but I've got Papa Nier on the back of my mind and it's impossible not to compare and contrast the delivery and dialogue between the two. I know that this is intentional, too; Younger Brother is supposed to be that happy-go-lucky video game protagonist, always doing the right thing and helping people, in order to contrast against the man he becomes. Even just edging into Part II the effect is dramatic and it recontextualizes Younger Brother into a much more effective overall character. And let me reiterate, I enjoyed my time with Younger Brother just fine, I have no issues with him. But he's up against Well Meaning Big Dummy Part I Papa Nier. No contest. And I'm excited to see where Older Brother goes from here.

Speaking of voices I mentioned this before but the delivery on the character's lines is different. The entire game was re-recorded and quite a few lines are still pretty similar to the original, but there are some that are... definitely different. Part of this is a difference in the relationship between characters based on their life experience and ages-- Weiss is much more of an ass to Younger Brother but has a much more even respect for Older Brother (neither of which are like the rapport he established with Father). Some of Kaine's lines feel more aloof, dismissive, and almost tired in the front half of the game. I haven't really gotten to a point to dig into Emil's rapport with the other characters, but the delivery feels more hesitant and uncertain (which I think is more in line with his Japanese VO, but I'm prefacing that on an untrained ear and a presumption rather than recent memory). It's been interesting to see not just where hey adjusted dialogue (and how-- there are some lines that didn't need to be rewritten), but also how they adjust tone and delivery. Dealing with Younger Brother is one thing, but as I said, I'm very excited to see what's different in the second half, especially being much more familiar with that part of the game. Speaking of Voices! Halua got dialogue! I... preferred when it was inferred (and the implications of "I'll always be watching over you" are borderline malicious given the results of their fusion dance, yeah THANK YOU HALUA this is GREAT). Halua's delivery also felt a little too innocent and upbeat both for the situation and when compared to her narrative voice in The Stone Flower, where she comes across as much more cynical and cold. But given what she's been through and the nightmare she's finally escaping I guess she's allowed express happiness. She's certainly earned the right to having a spoken line. No matter what. Every fuckin' time.

"Here we go." This was always a great line to kind of ease in to the officially-official start of Part II-- every time you start up a New Game+ you're greeted with Emil musing about his conflation of Halua to Kaine, and then the phrase "Here we go". There's a lot in that one line. On a personal level he's grounding his thoughts in the moment and steeling himself for what comes next and pushing through his pain and sadness and fear. Whatever Nier told him in the facility he's still terrified, desperately terrified, that Kaine -- who was the one who told him his life had meaning -- is going to reject him. And why wouldn't she? Ultimately they don't know each other, not really. He understands at that moment that his relationship with Kaine is based on confused memories of his sister, that maybe the bond he thought they established isn't actually real. As soon as he frees Kaine he's going to have to confront her, like this, and how could she ever-- she won't-- but he can't just leave her. Whatever happens next. Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. (God it matters.) "Here we go." On a meta level, that's our introduction into the second half of the game. The first half is all prologue. This is where we'll be spending the rest of our time, even to the point that 'New Game+' skips straight ahead to this moment. Now that we've finished the establishment, this is where it all builds and where it all matters. Here we go, audience. The ride starts now. You get up to this point now in Replicant. You get the same lead-in. My dumb ass even whispered "Here we go", because I can't help myself. And he says, of course he says--! "Anyway." ... ...a-anyway? What the hell kind of line is that? "Here's some deeply personal musings that are also an indication of my own discomfort as I babble to myself just to fill the void so I can stave off thinking for just a few more seconds. ANYWAY." What a... bizarre decision. Just bizarre.

Upgraded melee combat The introduction to the armored Shades always feel kind of rough-- the defenses on those Shades are significantly higher than anything you've faced and the new weapons you're given to combat them just aren't that good. (If you got lucky you could have a fully-upgraded Faith by now, which is nearly three times as powerful as the 'heavy' two-handed sword you're given; if you downloaded the 4 YoRHa pack for Replicant you've probably been able to upgrade one of those weapons once, which are also a really nice strength boost that leaves the freebie heavy swords and spears in the dust). As an introduction to the new weapon types it always feels like rough going. But then you get a chance to get decent weapons and the combat system truly opens up, and compared to the first game you really feel it. At this juncture I would always just bustle off to Facade and grab the Phoenix Spear and never look back-- the raw power compared to the rest of your arsenal coupled with the triangle dash is basically the bread and butter of the rest of the game. It's not exciting, but it's effective. No more triangle dashing, which was deeply disappointing... but both weapons definitely feel good. I am also somewhat ashamed to admit that it wasn't until now that I realized attacks weren't just about rhythmic input-- you can hold the attacks down to do different charged hits and combos depending on when you execute them in your combo, similar to Automata. I, uh... I felt a bit dumb. But hey, wow, it's a welcome adjustment and it makes all of the weapon types feel equally valuable for different purposes. I never liked using the heavy blades in the original release because they just felt too slow for the damage output they did, even if their 'point' was mostly to sheer off armor (and they definitely felt too slow for use in crowd control). Now they're still heavy and slower, but not to the point that you're basically leaving yourself open just trying to attack. Spears now do crazy sweeping combos and multi-hits. Both of these properties were borrowed from Automata and I find myself prioritizing melee combat and almost forgetting I have magic because honestly it just feels intuitive and fun. I feel like Kaine and Emil might have gotten a power boost as well? Not that I can really confirm this but going into some of the Junk Heap rooms I'd focus on killing a few robots in the corner and then turn around and just see a field of item drops and no more robots. Don't take my word on that, of course, but they felt a little more effective, and a placebo effect is still an effect. "You're staging a protest? That's fun!" Emil. Rebel without a cause. Will not hesitate to kill you if you trespass on his property. (Might explain the statues in the courtyard, actually.) I'll have to double-check this dialogue because I definitely remember more of a melancholia before we get to roasting marshmallows. I think Papa Nier actually offers to talk to/implicitly threaten the villagers to let them in the Village whereas Brother offers to sleep outside with them... which is actually kind of funny. In the former it comes off as Emil and Kaine maybe kinda-sorta not wanting to be allowed in the Village for their own reasons (they're not happy reasons but they're reasons nonetheless) and reassuring Father that no, it's okay, it's fun! The latter is almost telling Brother to stay inside because he'll ruin their sleepover.

(They're absolutely having giggly girl talk about him outside the gates, 100%.) they ran over the seals All I want in Seafront is to enjoy the music and run out to the big beach and hang out with the last living seals and they put a fucking pirate ship on top of them. Oh, wow. Gideon. Wow. OG Nier featured a Gideon that tried to keep himself together and then had fits of mania. You'd be concerned about him during some of the dialogue but generally speaking he came across as... functional. The delivery on all of his lines is now so insanely murder bonkers, like every line he's addressing you like you're already chained to the wall of his serial killer dungeon and it's glorious. I don't know if the distinction between the games is deliberate (in that Gideon in Gestalt was just more even-keeled between his 'rip 'em apart' snarlings and was always just totally nutso in RepliCant) but I do appreciate it. It's a good mirror to Brother Nier's own anger, which only ever seems to be mollified when he's talking to his friends (even kindly accepting sidequests there's a pretty consistent -- not universal, but consistent -- air of barely-bridled frustration). The other characters that Brother encounters are various reflections of himself if things had just been a little different-- Gideon was a representation of the kind of obsessive madness that would have eaten Brother alive if he hadn't had his network of support. Gideon's constant fury and bloodlust even bleeds into him just saying "What can I do for you?" He has no anchor to keep himself sane, nobody to stay human for; he's all mania, all anger, and he only takes any real interest in Brother on his return because he sees an opportunity to act out his vengeance. After defeating Beepy and Kalil he even goes so far as to not only blame Beepy for killing Jakob, but for also killing their mother, which is patently insane but really speaks to how far his justifications and fury have taken him. Papa Nier responds to his anger toward Beepy by basically backing away slowly and saying "Oookay then". Brother, however, actually commiserates; "That's enough. [...] We get it. We really do." This is definitely one of those moments where Brother's context works better than Father's; he absolutely sees himself in Gideon. He completely understands him and sympathizes. He recognizes the madness of his own quest, he sees where it could take him, and there's a resignation when he speaks to Weiss: "Revenge is a fool's errand." "...yeah." Papa Nier has a similar delivery and similarly implies that he understands how terrible his quest is, but there's something decidedly haunting in Brother's sympathy. Also just verifying something on the wiki and this bit of 'Trivia' really jumped at me:

Gideon is the only character to only cause the deaths of other characters. In his case, he caused a platform to crush Jakob and ordered the deaths of P-33 and Kalil, with P-33 surviving.

Metal AF.

[fangurk]

This Time (Paul Lahote x Reader)

Key:

Y//n - Your name      Y/l/n - Your last name

y/e/c- your eye color  y/h/c - your hair color

Prompt- Based on the song Pork Soda by Glass Animals 

Reader Gender - Female (If you want you can imagine it’s not specified if you like)

Summary - Paul and Y/n have always been close friends, ever since he moved to La Push when they were eight. Eventually, unknown to the other, feelings blossomed between the two of them and they got even closer. Until Paul phased. Anything that was previously happening between the two stopped, Paul left his female best friend alone and began following Sam Uley around like, it could not be better described as, a lost puppy. Y/n, who has no clue what is happening to her friend, feels a mix of emotions as she watches the boy she loved and her best friend change for the worst, eventually trying to ignore the fact they were ever friends. One day they meet eyes as Y/n tries to stop a fight and suddenly he’s talking to her again, doing whatever he could to appease her, and never leaving her alone. It’s only a matter of time she starts talking to him and he makes promises he can’t keep; will she find out and forgive him? Or will he blow his last chance?

Warnings: Cursing, angst, mentions of sexual things(I don't know how to word it), small amounts of blood, direct mentions of fighting. Very few things actually happen canonly, most are just for stories sake. I only used some of the lyrics, not all of them.

 Word Count-2.2k+ (Not Including Lyrics)

Somewhere in South End when you were fun You took my hand and you made me run Up past the prison to the seafront You climbed the cliff edge and took the plunge Why can’t we laugh now like we did then? How come I see you and ache instead? Let's climb the cliff edge and jump again

There were moments like these where Y/n Y/l/n wished she could have stayed in the past forever. She watched with sullen y/e/c eyes as her, you could say, ex-best friend, roughhoused with a group of boys he had never associated himself with until recently.

Paul Lahote had a long history with the y/h/c haired girl, they had been close since his parents divorced and he moved with his father to La Push when they were eight. She had no clue how their parents knew one another, she just assumed that their fathers were childhood friends and that's why Paul was over at her house every Sunday so their fathers could watch the game and the boy wouldn't be alone.

Something between the two just clicked, that's why the playdates on Sundays turned into them hanging out every day in and after school as they got a little older. One of her fondest memories of their friendship was the first time they went to the beach without adults, she remembered that it was one of possibly five clear days that Washington had all year round and during the summer.

Y/n evoked that she was wearing a cheap one-piece bathing suit that most definitely was a rip off of her favorite Disney character at the time and Paul was wearing some hand-me-down pair of trunks that barely fit him at the time. Back then, Paul was fun and lighthearted, meaning she could joke around with him and not have to worry about having her face crushed in by the new angry Paul. She watched with wide eyes, after he had dragged her all the way up to the shorter cliff jump, as he took a running leap off the cliff and plunged into the cold dark blue waters below.

Considering the fact that he had survived, she followed him and screamed until she hit the water; although she is now very fond of the way he was smiling and laughing, and how she felt when he told her he did it to 'have fun and impress her', she was very very mad at him at the time.

Back then it was all laughs and fuzzy feelings, staying up past midnight with soda and junk food in their rooms, and almost kisses. Now it was all aching feelings, being ignored, and the almost dated awkwardness hung around them so much that they moved to other sides of the classroom. Whatever happened between the two?

Somebody said that I'm a fuckin' slum Don’t know that I belong Maybe you’re fucking dumb Maybe I’m just a bum Maybe you’re fucking scum Don’t you go psycho chum I want you for the world I want you all the time

Eventually, Y/n just tried blocking her best friend from her mind; she put all the pictures, gifts, and cards in boxes and bags in her closet. It wasn't like you could recognize Paul Lahote anyway, recent Paul was completely different physically and personality wise; so much that it scared her.  He was taller now, he'd always been fairly short so this was possibly the most minimal of all changes, and had become much more muscular than naturally obtainable; she didn't want to believe that he was doing drugs, she really didn't, but then again, she didn't really know him anymore.

One day Y/n was standing by her locker with a new friend, sorting her books and talking about some random subject that she hadn't entirely been paying attention to because she was spacing out. What brought her out of her haze was a loud noise, similar to body slamming into a locker, and shouts from down the hallway from her.

"Holy Shit! Lahote has Ateara pinned!" Only at this exclamation did Y/n Y/l/n whip her head around quick enough to give someone whiplash, her y/h/c whipping her in the face.

Paul did indeed have the small Ateara boy pinned up against the school's rundown lockers, his face contorted in anger and his entire body was clenched and shaking. Quil had blood trickling from his crooked nose, telling everyone Paul had already broken his nose; Y/n needed to stop this.

"Where are you going!?" Her friend shrieked as the girl broke off into a run towards the two.

As she got closer, Y/n heard almost animalistic growls coming from Paul and she decided that Quil definitely teetered on the line of insane and brave.

"Maybe you're fucking dumb" And with his words, a strong punch that knocked his entire body to the side came.

"Paul Stop!" The girl shouted, her y/e/c eyes blown wide in shock as Paul wailed down upon the fragile boy, getting blood on his clothing and fists.

"Paul Lahote!" She said, mimicking the scolding tone she used that day he jumped off the cliff when they were eleven, "Stop it! You'll kill him!"

Her tone halted the boy in front of her who, with a fairly terrifying look, snapped his head up in her direction; the harsh look in his eyes dying down as he looked into hers. The ache in her heart multiplied by ten but she ignored it, whatever just happened, terrified the ever-loving hell out of her and someone was really injured.

"What the fuck have you done?" She asked in a strained voice and shook her head as Jacob Black and Embry Call moved Quil, who had been freed as Paul had stood up again, "you're fucking insane..."

Those were her parting words as she ran back down the hall after the three boys, leaving a gaping Paul to be dragged from the premises by Jared Cameron. He never thought it'd be her.

Pineapples are in my head (When you were fun) Got nobody 'cause I’m brain dead (You made me run) Pineapples are in my head (To the seafront) Got nobody 'cause I’m brain dead (She took the plunge)

For the next few days, Y/n had to ignore the eyes on her back from Sam Uley's little cult; she had to ignore the conflicted look in Paul's eyes every time she happened to bother sparing him a glance. She had to force herself to stop thinking of the good memories, of how happy that first time at the beach was. About how happy he used to make her but now, now he was just some angry monster who resolved every conflict by throwing blows that could kill someone.

Paul watched the girl he used to be so close to, who he loved, try to avoid him at every cost with a heavy heart; he couldn't blame her. They were best friends since they were eight then one day, eight years later, he started ignoring her for boys he swore he'd never join; he cut his hair and got a tattoo. He even moved seats away from her, trying to make it easier, yet he still couldn't anticipate that the next time she'd look him in the eye after months would be when he was losing control and that he'd imprint on her.

"Paul, you should eat," Emily Young, Sam's imprint, said, shoving the plate the boy had just pushed away from him back towards him with a kind smile.

"I can't Em," He muttered in monotony, his chin on his fists as he stared at the tablecloth, "She took the plunge..."

"What the hell are you on about?" Jared asked, his mouth full of food that he, unlike his brother, had happily taken from the technical pack matriarch.

"She took the plunge..." He whispered to himself again, seeming to have a revelation as he slowly stood, "I jumped in and she followed right after me!"

The rest turned to one another with worried eyes, watching in confusion as he pretty much ran out of the house as fast as he could; heading straight for the girl's house in the pouring rain.

Y/n Y/l/n had just finished her homework and was sitting up restlessly listening to the wind and harsh rain pounding against her windows; for some reason, it calmed her. She had no clue as to why she was awake so late, she had finished her homework and usually, she'd just go to her room, but today was different. She just had a feeling that she should stay in the living room and had no clue why, until there was a knock on her door.

Nervously, they peeked a y/e/c eye through the peek hole only to see the one person she didn't want to see. Paul. He was standing outside her door with a sullen expression, her nerves bundled into knots as she slowly lowered herself out of sight from the hole.

"Y/n, I know you're on the other side of this door," His voice, muffled by the rain and the door, caused her eyes to widen in both fear and surprise, "so I'm just gonna talk...to the door, and you, hopefully."

"Look I know ignoring you was wrong but I, " He continued, taking a deep breath because, she knew, he was going to cry, "I kinda had to."

She couldn't have prevented the loud snort if she tried, she couldn't believe him; no one has a justifiable reason for suddenly dumping their best friend for a gang of druggies.

"I know what you're thinking; I know that pretty little mind of yours," A blush dusted her cheeks at that, she really needed help, "you're mad at me, I saw it in your eyes the other day. But I really do have a reason."

She turned slightly towards the door, the back of her head still pressed against it, with furrowed brows; his tone was sincere, breaking, she knew he couldn't have been lying but that didn't make it feel any better.

"The tribal legends are true, that's why I wasn't allowed to talk to you because otherwise, you’d get hurt; because I love you and you used to do stupid shit with me like that day at the beach-" He cut himself off, his tone defeated and hinting at angry, "Whatever. You're probably not even here, I'm wasting my time...."

She heard her old porch creak and groan as he got up, she could hear his heavy footsteps until he got too far from her door. She thought of his words about the legends, she thought about the changes they went through and how, if you bumped hands with them, their skin was so hot; he wasn't kidding.

Y/n stood as quickly as she could, her y/h/c hair whipping her in the face as she opened the door and ran out after him...

5000 footsteps in your wet dress Back to the house with your arms around my neck We drank pork soda with tangled legs I won’t forget how you looked at me then                                                            I know I'm no sweet prince of love                                                                   

She chased the large outline of Paul in the rain, it seemed like five thousand footsteps in the now sopping wet clothes she was wearing before she got close enough to make the first real physical contact she'd had with him in months. She grabbed his arm and used it to propel herself in front of him, out of instinct she wrapped her arms around his neck. But what she did next, that was out of a completely new and different instinct. She didn't realize what she had done before it was too late, and he was kissing back. Emotions poured out of the both of them and into the kiss, he loved her back. She loved him and he loved her back.

She pulled back for air, "Took you long enough you ass!" She said breathlessly, resting her forehead against his as he held her close to him, "I've waited eight goddamn years to hear that!"

"Yeah yeah," He grumbled, rolling his eyes playfully with a half smile as he looked her in the eyes for a split second.

"How about we take this inside?" She whispered, blushing as he buried his face in her neck, the heat contrasting with the cold making her shudder.

She felt him smirk softly as he lifted her into his arms, making her own retake their position around his neck as he walked over the threshold of her house. Once the door was closed she kissed him again, relishing in every little bit of what she'd been dreaming of for so long. As he moved up the stairs they both knew they'd never forget what was going to happen, nor would they forget the way they were looking at one another...

Let's climb the cliff edge and jump again

Y/n Y/l/n woke up the next morning just in time to begin getting ready for school, naked, in an otherwise empty bed. As she moved she heard a crinkle noise, furrowing her eyebrows she felt around the covers for what was making the noise. Eventually, she found a small note with that very familiar horrible handwriting that belonged to the one she loved.

'Had something to do for Sam, see you later. 7:00 pm on the small jump' she read with a small smile, shaking her head and chuckling when she realized he had snuck out of her window in the middle of the night.

This time, she would see to it that they did the jump together; maybe so that this time he wouldn't get to tease her for being chicken shit the first time around. As she thought of future plans for her life she chuckled at herself, she was getting so far ahead of herself but she was sure that this time she was allowed to. That this time he wouldn't leave and they'd be happy, after all, this time was so much different...

Pineapples are in my head (Pineapples are in my head) Got nobody 'cause I’m brain dead (Got nobody 'cause I’m brain dead) Pineapples are in my head (Pineapples are in my head) Got nobody 'cause I’m brain dead (Got nobody 'cause I’m brain dead)

[wilfwaterbearthing]

Original noted Lyrics to Chalk

Everything is in ruins

I think I’ve forgotten how to breath

And when I walk down to the seafront 

Its like I can smell you in the breeze

And this salt, its burns my face

And leaves my eyes bloodshot and sore

But the thing that’s fucked me up the most

Is the thought of dreams I can’t achieve anymore

And Ive, been tempted to buy chalk, and only you know what I’m talking about 

But I don’t know where, and I don’t know how

So maybe you could help me out 

And this is the point, where I wish I never opened my mouth

Because now I can’t stop crying 

Thinking of words you couldn’t pronounce

You’re the epitome of beauty 

And on the train home I find it so hard, 

when I see the trees, my mask becomes sodden

You’re in the leaves and in the bark

We fell in love on the common,

And fuck I am still living in the past

And with the things I’ve never forgotten 

I know that no one can surpass 

How well I knew you, though you made believe I didn’t

And if we could just go back to the days in the kitchen 

I know how I could make a difference

And Ive, been tempted to buy chalk, and only you know what I’m talking about 

But I don’t know where, and I don’t know how

So maybe you could help me out 

And I know its strange, but I feel I must say 

I still have a hairbrush filled with your ginger locks up on the fireplace 

And I can’t bring myself to throw it away 

I thought id marry you in a forest

In the middle of nowhere

And we’d forget to invite our friends, but we don’t care

Because we both know we did it on purpose   

And now that it can’t happen 

All I do is imagine; you doing it all with someone else 

And it’s not very good for my health 

I say I write songs to feel better 

But to be honest it’s never the case 

I guess it’s my version of a letter 

Reminiscing on wasted days 

And oh I thought I was so clever 

I thought I could just run away 

But you can never trust the weather 

It changes every fucking day 

And I thought I’d be your hero 

thought I’d come and sweep you of the ground 

But I’m struggling with my conscience 

Whilst you’re still in a whole over town 

And I know that we promised 

That one day we will have our kids 

But betty I feel like happiness has been forgotten 

Since you left me with an unscrewed lid 

Perhaps one day I’ll make it

And go on my search for you 

But I am everything you hated 

And we’ve both done shit we can’t undo 

Now all I do is sit and strum my guitar on my bed

And I don’t have a reason to write songs, so instead 

Ill sing myself all that remind me of you

Ill stay inside and get drunk

Ive made best friends with my plants

And I dread they day that is to come

When I see your face, and watch you walk away again

And Ive, been tempted to buy chalk, and only you know what I’m talking about 

But I don’t know where, and I don’t know how

So please can you help me out

And at this point it feels everything is far too loud

But I would turn up the volume

If it it was coming from your mouth     

[mccannsalbumextravaganza-blog]

‘AMERICAN DREAM’ BY ‘LCD SOUNDSYSTEM’

3 SIGNIFICANT MOMENTS OF MY WEEK

1.      I started and finished watching the entire two seasons of Stranger Things in one week. That’s what you call dedication.

2.      I used my very own Capsicum Frutescens, A.K.A Tabasco chilli, A.K.A Yung Chillsi plant in a dish for the first time and it burnt the absolute ballex of me.

3.      On Saturday I travelled up to London for my brother Joe’s birthday and watched a man perform with his hardcore band in nothing but his pants.

This week I have been listening to ‘AMERICAN DREAM’ which is LCD SOUNDSYSTEM’S first studio album they have released in seven years. LCD SOUNDSYSTEM are an electronica, dance-punk band from Brooklyn, New York. Us LCD SOUNDSYSTEM fans were collectively butt hurt when the band decided to split back in 2011. This week marked 16 years since the first Harry Potter film was released which makes me want to boke all over my laptop as I write this sentence. As you listen to this album, frontman James Murphy (more on him in a bit) explains how we are all grown up now, time is moving too fast and that we are not the cool kids anymore that we once thought we were.

The album has a very murky and dark tone, which is more portrayed through Murphy’s lyrics than the actual music itself. The album has exactly everything that you would expect from an LCD SOUNDSYSTEM record; disco vibes, searing guitars, heavy bass and Bowie inspired feelings. Is it true that the legend himself, David Bowie, requested that the band get back together after bowing out in 2011. James Murphy looks like a cooler version of Steve Bannon, which is horrible to compare the two because Steve Bannon, the famous assclown, is a homophobic and racist piece of shit that has one of those weird, tiny micropenises. The same as his fat, nicotine coloured cockmuppet mate which is the President of the United States, Donald Trump. Enough of that shite, this album is made by the coolest nerds you will never know.

 FAVOURITE TRACK

 ‘TONITE’

 Choosing my favourite track on this album is as difficult as not trying to scratch your balls in public when they’re super itchy. While the album offers so many foot stompin’, knee tappin’ thigh rubbers it also contained some real pish tracks, to be honest. My favourite track from this album is probably the same as everyone else’s, which is ‘TONITE’. Give this a listen to understand what I mean by saying it’s squelching techno in its truest form. Murphy lays down the facts over this beat too, “And you're getting older, I promise you this; you're getting older, and there's improvements unless, you’re such a winner, that the future's a nightmare and there's nothing I can do, nothing anyone can do about this”. Check it out.

HONOURABLE MENTIONS - ‘OH BABY’ is the opener on the record, LCD SOUNDSYSTEM’S version of a love song and they kill it in their style.

‘HOW DO YOU SLEEP’ is an absolute stomper. I gave this its first real listen while out on a run and it was perfect for running along the seafront, with the lyrics, “Standing on the shore, facing East, I can’t feel you”, I feel that it really connected with me at that very moment while I was out busting a gut.

 LEAST FAVOURITE TRACK

 ‘CHANGE YR MIND’

 I didn’t connect with this track at all, it seemed a bit boring and monotone to me. There were several other tracks throughout the album that disappointed me because I was so eager to listen to hear their new material. Other songs that didn’t tickle my pickle either are ‘I USED TO’ and ‘BLACK SCREEN’.

  THE GROWER

 The Yung Grower. This must be ‘EMOTIONAL HAIRCUT’. At first, I thought it was another non-pickle tickler but after several listens it grew on me like bacteria on room temperature meat (hahahaha) because from my complete understanding it’s about James Murphy receiving an emotional haircut and how no one can really deal with it. Great track.

 FAVOURITE LYRIC

 “Well, there's a full-blown rebellion but you're easy to confuse, by triggered kids and fakers and some questionable views. Oh, call the cops, call the preachers before they let us and they lose” – from ‘CALL THE POLICE’

 SCORE OUT OF 10

 A 6.8/10 from me. The real bangers on the album saved it from being a let down. It’s the kind of album that I wouldn’t go back to and listen to the whole thing through, but select the best tracks and put them onto a playlist. However, I’m happy that LCD SOUNDSYSTEM made some new music and we all got to enjoy it. Murphy sounds very upset about the state of America now, which he speaks about a lot throughout ‘AMERICAN DREAM’ and of course we can all understand with that fuckwallop in charge.

 THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR READING MATE CHEERS NICE ONE YEAH COOL SWEET,

 JACK

[monstersandmaw]

Thank you for doing these prompts! I love your work! "not everyone is going to hurt you" with a selkie/female reader that's nsfw

Edit which I’m including in all my works after plagiarism and theft has taken place: I do not give my consent for my works to be used, copied, published, or posted anywhere. They are copyrighted and belong to me.

Wow, this one got a bit longer than I’d intended, but I fell in love with this boy a bit… ok a lot more than a bit. The nsfw bit isn’t very long, just a paragraph. I hope you like it!! It’s number five in my list of 20 requests! 

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Not everyone who worked at orwent to the waterfront bar was non-human, but in this little seaside town, itwas a fair bet to assume that the person sitting next to you had some kind ofgift, ability, or alternate form. There were even two packs of werewolves in the area who – miraculously – got on with each other pretty well, and only had thesmallest bouts of jocular rivalry.

The owner of The Cornucopiawas a satyr named Lea, and she was known for taking in strays of one sort oranother. She’d adopted you as a favourite patron a while back during a messybreakup, and a few members of her staff were lost souls with nowhere else togo.

On a gusty October evening,you pushed open the doors, hair wild from the salt spray in the air outside,and smiled instantly. The atmosphere inside was always the same, and it soothedyou to see the regulars there too. As you approached the bar, you realised thatthere was a new face, however, and wow if he wasn’t the most beautiful manyou’d ever seen.

He was tall, perhaps justnorth of six foot, but there was a shy set to his shoulders beneath the simple,white t-shirt he was wearing, and he looked slim and perhaps even a littlehaunted. His nut-brown hair was tied back in a scruffy bun, with a few sectionsfalling forwards into his eyes at the front, and his cheekbones caught the softlight of the bar in a way that made your stomach tie itself in knots. As youneared the bar and saw him more clearly, you saw that he had beautiful, darkbrown eyes, and a slight frown to his strong brows. And freckles.

You licked your lips and rana hand through your sea-battered hair, shrugging out of your jacket. He wasbusy wiping the bar countertop down, but he caught the movement and glanced upapprehensively.

Lea came over to you before hecould speak to you, and practically bleated your name with joy. “It’s beenages, sweetheart!” she laughed, taking your hands in her own for a moment. “Ithought you’d dropped down a hole or something! Where’ve you been?”

“Things have been busy,” yousaid, stifling a yawn. “I’m sorry. I’ve been up in the city for the past coupleof weeks.” You glanced at the tall, shy guy you didn’t recognise, and added,“See you’ve made a few changes…”

She caught the look you casthim, and grinned. She knew your type, and he was it to a T. She dug the youngman in the ribs, and he looked up again, startled. “Lea?” he asked, revealing asweet, husky baritone voice.

“Cillian, meet a regularwho’s been un-regular for almost a whole month,” she said, tossing you aplayful scowl, and she told him your name.

“Pleased to meet you,” hesaid politely, setting down the cloth he’d been using, and wiping his palm onhis jeans before extending his hand to you.

“Pleasure’s all mine,” youreplied. God, he was cute.

“What can I get you?” heasked, swallowing thickly and glancing away for a moment.

You ordered, and gave thepoor guy a break while you caught up with Lea. He slid your drink discreetly inbetween you and Lea while you spoke, and you cast him a grateful smile, whichmade him blush slightly and fumble the empty glass he’d been carrying in hisother hand.

Over the next few weeks hebegan to open up to you when you dropped by the bar, and eventually you learnedthat he was a selkie, and that he’d left his family a few years ago, but hadbeen taken advantage of when someone had got hold of his pelt and effectivelyheld him prisoner until he’d managed to escape.

“God, Cillian,” you gasped,“That’s awful! Who would do that to you?”

He offered you a sweet,painfully sad and beautifully lopsided smile, and shrugged. “It happens a fairbit to us, I think. I was so naïve when I left the rest of my folks… I’msurprised I managed to get away at all.”

“I’m so glad you did,” yousaid, taking his hand in yours and squeezing it as you leaned on the bar. “AndI’m glad Lea picked you up.” What you left unsaid was that you were glad you’dmet him, but you saw instantly that he’d heard it in the silence anyway.

His smile broadened and hesqueezed your hand back shyly before pulling away.

One evening not long afterthat, you left after your usual crowd started to get more than a little rowdyfor your taste, and stepped out of the bar and onto the seafront. Stretchingyour shoulders out and taking in a great lungful of fresh, night air, you saw afigure leaning against the railing that bordered the edge of the promenade andthe beginning of the rocky beach below.

His hair was loose, but yourecognised Cillian’s lean, tall frame immediately. On a whim, you crossed thedeserted road and snuck up behind him. Placing a palm on his strong, lean,lower back, you murmured, “Hey.”

Cillian jumped as though he’dbeen electrocuted, but when he saw who it was, he laughed nervously and swipedhis hair back off his face as the wind caught it and blasted it into his eyes.“You scared me,” he chuckled. “I didn’t hear you.”

“I didn’t announce myself,”you said. “I’m sorry. Aren’t you cold?” you asked, staring at his bare arms inthe winter evening.

“My kind doesn’t get coldvery easily,” he admitted. “Though I should probably have a bit more meat on mybones…”

“I like you however you are,”you said, feeling bold and sliding your fingertips down the inside of hisforearm, taking his hand in yours.

“You’re cold though,” he noticed as you slipped your fingers intohis. He didn’t pull back, but his spine went stiff.

“Is this ok?” you asked. “Idon’t want to make you uncomfortable…”

“No,” he said, and yourfingers instantly released him. Horrified, he awkwardly snatched up your handagain and blustered, “I meant it’s fine! You’re not making me uncomfortable.I’m good enough at doing that all by myself… shit…”

You laughed softly and lookedup at him through your lashes. “You’re sweet, Cillian.”

“I’m also damaged goods,” he mutteredas he turned to look away from you without letting go of your hand, andsomething in your heart cracked at the emotion in his voice.

You raised your palm to hischeek, turning his head gently to face you once again, and you shook your headfiercely. “You’re not damaged goods, Cillian. You’re so much more than the sumof the shit that’s happened to you.”

“I…” his eyes glistened inthe dark as he looked down at you and shifted a hand apprehensively to yourwaist. His fingers fluttered nervously for a moment before he seemed to get ahold of himself and pressed his touch against you properly. “I want to trustyou. I want to like you – I do likeyou – it’s just…”

“It’s ok to be afraid,Cillian. I understand. But not everyone is going to hurt you.”

His lips hitched up into hislopsided smile again, and he closed his eyes, fighting the feelings roilinginside him. When he opened his eyes again, he nodded softly. “Thank you,” he saidin a hoarse whisper.

“Cillian…?”

“Yeah?” he rasped.

“Will you kiss me?”

His breath hitched visibly,but he nodded and lowered his lips to yours. In seconds the kiss deepened, andall the weeks you’d spent getting to know him blurred into one desperate desireinside you. You stepped closer to him and rocked your hips against his as his handsslid down your spine.

Cillian let out a groan andthen pulled back, eyelids heavy with lust. He bit his lip and whispered, “Ican’t. Not yet. I… I’m sorry…”

“That’s ok,” you said, morethan a little breathless.

It wasn’t for another sixmonths of dating that he was finally comfortable enough to go all the way withyou, but it was absolutely worth the wait. His body moved with a supple graceas he finally allowed himself to worship every inch of you. He seemed morecomfortable with being giving you pleasure first, and you weren’t about toargue with that. His lips caressed down your torso, over your breasts andstomach, and down to your inner thighs, his hands holding your hips down as he lickedand teased at your clit. As he focused the touch of his tongue on you, suckinggently and slipping two fingers into you, crooking them, you came harder thanyou’ve ever come for anyone in your life.

Gasping, limp, andbreathless, you slumped into the pillows while he pulled back and watched you,his own cheeks flushed. He’d put on a bit of weight since you’d been together,filling out so that he was no longer so gaunt, and he looked even better forit. He looked particularly good in that moment with his hair falling out of itsusual, loose bun, his lips plump and swollen from his attentions to you, andhis erection straining his dark boxer-briefs.

“I want you, Cillian,” yousaid. “I want you inside me.” He didn’t need asking twice.

It was still a long timebefore he let you see him as a selkie, but it happened one day down at asecluded cove in the hottest part of summer. You were both in your swimmingthings, but Cillian paused, and shyly drew something from his rucksack. Yougasped when you saw the silvery sheen of sunlight on seal fur.

“Cillian,” you murmured,touching his forearm. “Are you sure you’re ok with this?” You’d learned a whileback just how personal a thing it was for a selkie to reveal themselves intheir true form around anyone who was not a selkie themselves. “I don’t wantyou to feel like you have to, or –”

He silenced you by crushing akiss against your lips and smiling. “I’m ready. Don’t stop me again, or I’lllose my nerve.”

“I promise to keep quiet, andto sit on my hands,” you said playfully, and he flashed you his cheeky,freckled smile as he took off his trunks and stood perfectly naked on thebeach.

He donned the seal skin a bitlike a cloak, and as it touched his shoulders, he knelt down on the sand andjust… became a seal. Where seals you’d seen before were pudgy and squishy,Cillian was a little on the skinny side, but he was so breathtakingly cute thatyou had to slither down off the rock you’d been perched on, and kneel besidehim on the sand.

He looked up at you with hishuge, dark eyes, and his whiskers twitched. “Oh Cillian,” you cooed, taking hislovely, nervous-looking head in your hands and pressing kisses against hismuzzle and over his nose. “Oh look at you! You’re perfect.”

The seal blinked a couple oftimes, and then huffed a little sound that might have been a shy laugh. Helooked at the sea and then back at you, and then at the sea again.

“You want to swim?” youasked, and the seal nodded. “Come on then. Promise you won’t laugh at how bad Iam at treading water?”

The seal – your selkie –nodded once and then nudged you in the back of the calf.

“Oh no,” you said. “I’mtotally watching you flounder down the beach…”

The seal’s form rippled as itrolled over onto its back, and suddenly you were looking at Cillian, the seal skindoing nothing to cover his modesty. He was laughing, his taut stomach bouncingwith the force of his mirth, his warm eyes crinkled at the corner. “Come here,”he said, grabbing your ankle, and when you toppled down beside him, he began tokiss you again. “I love you,” he said.

You froze, eyes wide, yourmouth caught in a wide, laughing grin. “What?” you breathed.

It was the first time he’dsaid it to you.

“You heard me,” he said. Andthen he shoved you backwards so that you toppled harmlessly onto the hard sandbehind you, he was on his feet and running for the surf like a streaker at afootball match. A few moments later, a seal’s head popped up in the surf, andyou flopped onto your back, limbs splayed like a starfish, and shook with giddylaughter.

At an indignant bark from theseal, you got up and braved the chilly water with him.

Cillian was a chance you wereso very glad you’d taken.

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(Requests for this prompt-fill are now closed. Please don’t send in any more angst asks!)

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| Masterlist | Patreon | Ko-fi | Writing Commissions |

[warwickholdingwords]

Wake Up and Smell the Coffee

I can’t stand coffee culture, I really dislike it, which seems odd to most people who know me.

I am a coffee shop owner, or café, as it was known in the good old days.

I also live in Brighton, where apparently, we consume more coffee per head than anywhere else in the U.K. Unfortunately, we probably have more coffee shops than people it seems.

Costa, Starbucks, Cafe Nero, obviously, but then come the “Artisan” shops, ( I won’t bother naming them), also selling Artisan bread, which looks like bread with bird seed on it to me. Anything labelled Artisan just costs three times more.

Latte, Cappuccino, Mocha, Espresso, Americano, Flat White, Long Black, Doppio...Blah Blah Blah.

It’s hard enough as a café owner dealing with the ever expanding list of new names, and variations, but then come the high maintainance customers.

“Hi, I’ll have semi skinny, decaf, double shot, extra fair trade, vegan, oat milk , not soya, ethical, made with holy water Cafe Breve please”

I’m a firm believer in asking for what you want, but come on, drink water, or maybe just stay in. It’s a cup of coffee, it doesn’t have to be so complicated.

There is a snobbery that has risen along with the culture, you can literally have a cup of “crap coffee” for over $100 a go.

It is retrieved from the shit of the Civet cat, which has eaten and digested it. A friend of mine commented, how it was a bit like a night with a Hooker, as he said it sucks, and leaves a bad taste in the mouth, and an empty wallet.

It’s not that I don’t appreciate the custom, I really do, but if I’m honest, how much can one earn from selling one hot beverage, to a Fresh Faced Post Millennial, who has recently moved up from fizzy pop to the Aribica bean?.

Let’s be straight, with their tablet, or laptop, spread out over an area large enough for four people, they can stay for hours, milking (oat obviously)the free WiFi, as they attempt to become the next gigantic micro influencer, on Instagram. The only cost is on muggins here, as they bleed my electricity, charging their numerous electronic devices. My small Seafront café now converted, to a rent free makeshift office, with all amenities, all for the price of a solitary medium Cappuccino.

Like my coffee, I’m not bitter though. Unless, the hot water brigade enter, demanding a cup of boiling H20, in which they can place their own maple bacon pancake tea into (it is a real flavour).

“Oh Yes, but it’s all about community” I here you say, no it’s not. Most people are frantically tapping away on their iPhones, as their long suffering partner does the same next to them. I hear zero conversations, other than snippets of a one sided Hands Free Power talk as a Gen-Z er discusses drop shipping with his mother. There is also the music lover, wearing oversized Bluetooth headphones, oblivious to my repeated question of “would you like another?”, after spotting the dregs remaining at the bottom of the cup.

I love to watch the reruns of Friends, and cast my mind back to those halycon days, where murmurs of chit chat and laughter were abundant, but having an oversized sofa in a café, is a danger these days, and I am pretty sure may be against the Health and Safety regulations, that violate our constitutional rights.

I’m curious as to whether the rumoured new Friends project, will try and depict the current coffee culture, Ross and Rachel breaking up by text, An ageing Joey swiping right on Tinder, Chandler and Monica taking pictures of Frappuccinos and Gluten free cakes, and posting them on Facebook.

Maybe it’s not coffee culture, I have a distaste for. More likely the change in coffee culture, which I witness becoming less about community and social interaction, and more about self, and digital distraction.

I have to move with it, and keep smiling, as I receive another death stare, for asking if they would like sugar, and although that may be the case, please don’t expect me to like it.

You Kenco and .... yourself.