#can’t imagine being a people pleaser

[jiniretracha]

BTS as your boyfriend

How I imagine the BTS members would act around you as your partners.

Warnings: Fluff and smut

Word Count: 4.4k

MASTERLIST // my Ko-Fi

KIM NAMJOON

SFW

Always keeps an eye on you: As we all know, Namjoon is one of the best leaders there is in K-Pop, and, as a good leader would, he keeps an eye on the members to check if they need anything or if they’re okay. You’re not the exception. In fact, he’ll double that attentive feeling. He doesn’t want you to think that he’s controlling you. No. He’s just simply to enamoured with you that he can’t help but worry about his girl and check on her any chance he gets. 

Asks for your opinion on how he should dress: Nam had always been pretty confident when it came to fashion, until you came along. Now, all he cares about is impressing you. He’d never admit that, though. He just wants his girl to coo at him and tell him he’s pretty. 

Asks if you had something to eat: He’ll never forget, and when I mean never forget, to send a text asking you if you’d eaten. When the answer’s yes, his chest would fill with relief and unconsciously smile, sending you praise words. If the answer’s no, he’d get a little mad, and maybe scold you a little bit, sending you those texts while he parks his car in front of a convenience store to buy something for both of you to eat.

Hugs you from behind: Nam will see you, in the kitchen, preparing some food for the both of you or just cleaning, whipping some breakfast, whatever you’re doing, and he’ll go behind you and wrap his arms around you, nuzzling his nose against the curve of your neck. 

Tries his hardest to make you smile 24/7: Kim Namjoon is a well-known people pleaser, so it is obvious that he’ll try his hardest to make you comfortable and smile every single time he has the chance. Even if it means putting himself in an uncomfortable position, he’ll selflessly put you first, because you’re his priority, and give you what you want. Because he loves you so much.

Nicknames for you: Babe, Cutie (that’s so Nam), Hon (short for honey)

NSFW

He’s a tease: As I said before, whenever he hugs you from behind, if he woke up with a hard on, he’ll press it against your ass while he mouths at the skin of your neck. “Someone woke up excited this morning” you’d say. Oh, you have no idea. In other situations, out in public, he’d put his hand on your thigh, rubbing it up and down, trying to play nonchalant. But you both know that he’s a little shit and he’s only trying to rile you up.

Favourite position: Cowgirl. Definitely. As someone who leads a boyband, being in charge can be tiring, so he’ll give up his leadership and give it to you in the bedroom. He’s not complaining though. His view from down there is heavenly. 

Aftercare: He’s a sucker for aftercare. He likes to shower you with praise words after he’s cleaned you up while he wraps his arms around you as he pulls you close to him.

Loves getting head: He won’t admit it freely, but I feel like Nam goes weak when he sees you drop to your knees in front of him to suck him off. He’ll go even weaker when you’d look up at him, giving him doe teary eyes while your tongue is wrapped around him.

KIM SEOKJIN

SFW

Teases you every single time: I mean… is it that obvious? The man’s a born teaser. I think that’s his love language. He wouldn’t act like that around anyone. He’d see you lazing around, comfortably, and he’d feel the need to pull lightly on your hair, drawing a pout from you as he smiles while leaning forward to kiss it away. 

Loves to make you laugh: The joker of the group would always try his hardest to make you laugh. He knows you love his absolutely dumb jokes and he loves that you love them. 

Saves you from embarrassment: Seokjin is a person that’s not easily embarrassed, but you are. Whenever he sees your cheeks flushed and looking away, he’ll put himself in your position and embarrass himself three times more. You fell down the stairs? Don’t worry! Jin will fall down with you and laugh about it as soon as your asses plop on the floor. You told an unfunny joke and nobody laughed? No biggie. Your boyfriend’s there to be the loudest laugh in the room. 

Holds your hand during horror movies: He’s not the biggest fan of horror movies, but he’ll suffer through them for you. He’ll hold your hand when a jumpscare comes up and soaks in the feeling of you wrapping your arms around him as you yelp in surprise. It’ll probably happen once or twice that he’ll be the one to jump on top of you because he got scared lol. 

Takes you on fishing dates: Seokjin loves fishing, we all know it. And he loves you. So why not combine the two things he loves? He’ll teach you how to pull on the fishing rod, how to stake the bait through the hook, how to store the fish once it’s already out, you name it. He’ll take any chance he gets to take pictures of you while your hair flies around everywhere with the wind and you smile mindlessly. He’s just so in love with you. 

Nicknames: Sweetheart, Girlfriend (I so imagine him going, “hey, girlfriend” and you replying, “Hey boyfriend”), Babe

NSFW:

Straight to the bedroom after he comes from tour: He’ll get back home and the first thing he does is carry you all the way to your shared bed and start pulling your clothes off. He’ll ask you how your week has been during the post-sex bath he’d run for the both of you.

Favourite position: Spooning. He’ll spoon you from behind and slip his shaft inside you, holding your hips in place while he thrusts against you, making you grasp onto the pillows tightly. He’ll whisper obscenities and kiss your neck as he fucks you hard. 

Handholding: He loves to hold your hand during intimacy. He loves to feel more than just that type of connection with you during sex. You’d feel your stomach swarming with butterflies when you feel his fingers caressing yours delicately. 

Choking: He’s definitely into it. Absolutely. He has really nice hands so he will obviously take advantage of them as he wraps his long ass fingers around your throat, applying pressure on it, eliciting long moans from you. 

MIN YOONGI

SFW: 

Tells you he loves you without words: Yoongi’s someone who has a difficult time showing affection towards others, so he’s more into showing his love with actions. He’ll see you’ve fallen asleep on the couch and he’d smile, pulling a blanket over you so that you don’t get cold. You’d wake up in your shared bed, and you’d look around, confused as to why you’ve suddenly appeared out of nowhere there. You’d walk to the kitchen and find him cooking some ramen and you’d ask, after you greet him. “I fell asleep on the couch, I think I sleepwalked to the bed and-”, “Oh no, you didn’t. I took you there. Figured you didn’t want a sore neck like last time” he said, so nonchalantly, an action that was born out of him so spontaneously. 

“Come home, Holly misses you” texts: He’ll never admit he’s missing you, so he’ll project his feelings onto the little poodle you two call your pet. You’d smirk and text back: “Be right there, honey. Don’t want Holly to miss me too much ;)” . He’ll reply with a: “Yeah, he misses you so much it’s killing him, so hurry up!”

Writes songs for you:  Our favourite producer, singer-songwriter would definitely take advantage of his muse and write endless amounts of songs about her (you). Yoongi would get shy about them but he’ll work up the courage and show them to you, because he feels you deserve to have billions of songs written about you. “You wrote a song about me?!” you’d squeal. He’d look down and hide his blush. “Yeah… it’s no big deal”. Um, yes, it is!

You’re his weakness: Yoongi is an impenetrable person. He doesn’t have any weaknesses. Until you came along. He’ll be in his studio, a frown streaked across his face, and you’d walk inside the room and a gummy smile would automatically plaster into his face. “Hi, baby!” you’d coo and he’d just blush, his face completely red but his heart would be close to jump out of his chest. On another occasion, the members would be pressuring him about going somewhere and Yoongi would shake his head. “Y/N said she’s coming” Namjoon remembers. Yoongi’s head whips up and would smile a little. “Really?” he’d murmur. His friends would not let that go. 

Craves your touch: You are the only one who’d he’d let cling all over him. In fact, he loves it. Yoongi suddenly realises he’s so freaking touch starved, he’d start to be the clingy one in the relationship. You’d be watching a movie and both of his arms are around you, bringing you comfort. 

Nicknames: Jagiya (Korean word for “baby”), Beautiful, Angel

NSFW

Mean dom: I mean… are we even surprised? He’d be pissed off about something (when is he not lol) and he’d just grab your legs, throw you into any position of his liking and start fucking you into oblivion while he holds you down. “You wanna come? You gotta earn it”. He has his soft side, of course, when he’s feeling all romantic but he’d still be the one to lead in the bedroom. 

Favourite position: Hear me out: Sitting in front of a mirror. Yeah. He’d just love to have you all spread out on your cock as he watches you, with your head pressed against his shoulder while his hands run all over your body, gripping, slapping and caressing. He wouldn’t know what to do with so much skin to touch, he’d go crazy. 

Oral lover: Mr. Tongue Technology is the best at it and he knows it. He’d plaster his face onto your core and insert his tongue, letting it work its magic, while you squirm around and clench the sheets. Yoongi would smirk into your cunt and look up at you. “How’s that, jagiya?” and your response would be a high pitched moan. 

Fingering: Yeah, with those veiny big ass hands, who wouldn’t? Yoongi doesn’t care where you two are. It could be on the plane, with all of the members in front of you, he’s sneak his hand underneath the blanket covering both of you and rub the pads of his fingers over your clothed pussy. “Yoongi… the others-“ you’d start whispering but he’d silence you with a kiss as he moves your underwear to the side and inserts his two fingers in and out, scissoring and rubbing your clit with his thumb in tight circles. Your nails would dig into his arm and hide your face into his neck, while his face would remain with the most nonchalant expression ever. 

JUNG HOSEOK

SFW

Sunshine of the relationship: Mr. Sunshine would never let you feel down. If you’re feeling like crying, he’d be the one to give you his shoulder and then, he’d take you out to your favourite restaurant, treat you with a nice meal and then take you to an ice cream parlour just to see you smile. 

Buys you loads of clothes: Hobi is someone who has an addiction to shopping, and because he’s always thinking about you, whenever he’s out to a shopping trip to the mall (which is once in a week at least), he’d probably buy more clothes for you than for him because, “Look at this dress, darling! I just pictured you wearing this dress while we have a picnic by the lake and I just had to buy it for you” he excuses himself while you were about to give him shit for spending so much on you. Of course, he uses that excuse with every single article of clothing he pulls out of the bag. 

He’d go to the gym for you: “Nooo… please, let’s just stay at home and watch Mean Girls together” he’d plead. You’d just laugh, standing with your gym bra and leggings. You had been telling Hobi about the new gym that opened up down the block and you made him promise you you’d both go and try it. “You promised me we’d go” you whined. He just looks at you and sees your puppy eyes, bottom lip out in a pouting manner. Fuck you for being so adorable. “Fine… okay. But we are ordering Kimchi and we’ll watch Mean Girls”

Café dates: I feel like Hoseok is the type of person to see a cute café and go there, no second thoughts. You two would have a list of cute cafés (kudos if it is a cat café) and every week you try one or two from the list. You two use that list as an excuse to just go out and do couples shit, because you both love spending time together. 

Gallery filled with your photos: “Yo, Hobi, there’s no space in your phone anymore” Jimin would tell him, as he had asked him for his phone to take a picture. Hobi would grab his phone, confused. As he clicked on the gallery icon, he’d see the amount of pictures in them and how 97% of them are photos of you. You on dates, asleep, with Mickey, just you. He’d look up at Jimin and shrug, sheepishly. He’s not deleting those pictures. He’ll just buy a new phone and fill it with more pictures of you. 

Nicknames: Darling, Babe, Sweetie

NSFW: 

High sex drive: Okay, so, one thing that is characteristic of sunshine personalities is the capability of having such a high amount of energy. In the bedroom, that’s not an exception. Hoseok can pull all nighters, no doubt. He’s into quickies as well, I’d say. He doesn’t matter the situation or whatever you’re wearing. Just your pretty face will turn him on and he can go anywhere, anytime. 

Favourite position: Bent over. He’ll like to bend you over any surface and just take you. He’s a hair puller for sure. Maybe a little spanking, but I don’t see him being such a huge fan of it. 

Aftercare: Like Nam, I think he considers aftercare very important and a moment where he finds a true connection with you. He finds sex is more enjoyable when there’s love shown afterwards. He wants you to know that he would never use you like that and honestly? He gets cuddly after the deed so…

Love-making Lover: Even if he enjoys fucking you hard and making you scream, lover-boy loves a good round of just romantic sex. Face to face, while his hands are everywhere, as he whispers against your neck just how beautiful you are and how lucky he is to have you. 

PARK JIMIN

SFW:

Gets shy around you: He’d get all flustered when he sees you. Of course, you’d poke fun at him, baby-talking to him while he just giggles and hides his face against your neck, his face in a full red shade as you just cackle at his antics. 

Naps on your chest: Jimin would lay on your chest, face squished between your boobs and nap for hours if you’d let him. He’s never felt more comfortable than feeling your body heat, heating up through his shirt, with his arms around you, holding you close, as you card your fingers through his hair while he immediately falls into a deep slumber.

Cheek kisses: I feel like Jimin is the type of person who has his arms wrapped around you 24/7 and his mouth is always pressed against your cheek. He loves to press his nose against your cheek and whisper sweet things to you, like “You are so beautiful, my love”, “Have I told you how much I love you today?” all while he presses his thousandth kiss of the day against your cheek. And it’s only noon. 

Hides his jealousy: I don’t think Jimin would get jealous but if he sees you cozying up with somebody, he’d never tell you, because he’d hate to create unnecessary drama between you two, but he’d be a little insecure about it. Just the thought of you leaving him is enough to make him cry. You’d notice, like the best girlfriend you are, and you’d reassure him. “You’re crazy if you think I’m gonna choose you over somebody else, Chim” you’d whisper into his neck as he pretends he’s asleep (against your chest, obviously). He’d slightly smile, trying to continue pretending he’s sleeping, but he’s the happiest person on earth to hear those reassuring words. 

Sensible lover: He’s so understanding when it comes to feelings. He’d never overshadow them or push them aside, he’ll always be the most empathetic person ever and listen to you, and try to help you with all his might. Jimin also knows you like the palm of his hand so don’t even try to hide your feelings from him. He knows when you need to hit a pause and break down a little. 

Nicknames: My love (of course), lover, honey

NSFW: 

Shower sex: Jimin loves a good round of shower sex. It depends on the mood, but he can be a gentle lover or somebody who’d just press your body against the tiles and leave your legs shaking as you come while he has you hoisted up in his arms. He’ll wash you afterwards, his soft and gentle hands running the soap all over your body as he drops a few kisses over your skin. 

Favourite position: Missionary. He loves seeing your face contorted in pleasure while he kisses you with his plump lips. 

Oral for both of you: He’d be into 69 for sure. It’s not something that he’d do every day, but he knows he loves when you give him head and absolutely loves destroying your cunt with his tongue and fingers. But he’d love to have you on his face, as he inserts his tongue inside of you while you choke on his dick. 

Lots of sweet talk: I feel like Jimin is so romantic and a person that, when he falls in love, he falls hard, that he needs to voice those thoughts. So, when he’s deep inside of you, those thoughts will spill themselves. He can't help it. You feel so good and he loves you so much.

KIM TAEHYUNG

SFW:

Car drives late at night: Tae loves listening to music while driving with you, while he holds your hand or just grips your thigh, rubbing it up and down. You don’t need a destination or a reason to get the car keys and go for a drive, you both know you love each other’s company and honestly, who doesn’t love Taehyung’s sweet, deep voice as he sings along to your favourite songs. “What are you staring at?” he’d chuckle. “You” you whisper. He’d smile at you and pulls you into a sweet short kiss.

Gifting: It’s kind of like his love language. And it could be any type of gift. Two tickets to a museum (an excuse to have a date with you), a pair of earrings he saw you eyeing a few days ago, or he’d be the kind of boyfriend to restock your favourite snacks, buy your body wash, lotions or perfumes when he sees you’re running out of them. “Tae… why did you buy three boxes of perfume?” you’d ask. He’d turn around and smile, “Oh, I saw it was almost running out and thought I could get you a new one”. He’d never admit it out loud but he loves your scent and he wants to smell that perfume on you for the rest of his life. 

Facetiming: If he’s on tour, he’ll facetime in his freetime. He can’t go that long without seeing your pretty face or hearing your sweet voice he loves so much. While you rant about your day, Tae will just stare with a goofy smile at your face as he thinks how fucking lucky he is he found you. 

Flirts in front of his friends: A subtle way of telling everyone “she’s mine” is flirting shamelessly in front of everybody. He’ll have his hand on your waist and grip it tightly while he sometimes brush his hand up and down towards your ass. “Did you watch that rom-com that I recommended you last night?” one of your friends would ask, and before you could answer, Tae would say: “Nah, we were too busy last night” he’d smirk. “Ew” Hoseok would scrunch his nose while you hit his shoulder. “Hey! It’s not my fault you’re hot!”

Morning kisses: Tae would be the type of boyfriend who wakes you up giving you a full shower of kisses. He’d murmur a “Good morning, my muse” with a soft kiss to your cheek as you open your eyes, his pretty face blinding you almost. You’d immediately smile and his heart would be close to bust out of his chest. 

Nickname: Muse, baby, beautiful

NSFW

Desperate: Tae is someone who’s passionate and he’s desperate for connection. He’d be the type to throw you into the bed after quickly discarding both your clothes and fucking you raw and frantically. He loves skin-to-skin contact and it sends him into orbit how you are just as desperate for him as he is for you. 

Favourite position: All fours and riding. He loves both of them. He just can’t choose. He loves having you on his bed, with your face pressed against his sheets while your ass bounce against his hips and he grips your hair. But, as well, he loves sitting on the couch and having you giving him the ride of his life every single time. His face would be pressed against your chest as he sucks at your nipples and moans against them. 

Boob lover: Yes, of course. Taehyung would prefer boobs before ass every single time. It doesn’t need to be during a sexual innuendo to grab at your boobs, sometimes he falls asleep while his hands are filled with your boobs. But yes, he’s a man after all, and he loves gripping, twisting and sucking on your tits because he’d die a happy man between those. 

Hickeys: That’s a total yes for him. It’s another way to stake his claim on you, a way to show everyone that he’s the one responsible for that sweet assault on your neck. “Oh my God, Y/N! Who did that?” one of your friends would gasp as they tried to hide their laughter. You’d turn your head and find Taehyung with a shit-eating grin. “All me” he’d proudly state like a little shit. 

JEON JUNGKOOK

SFW: 

Cries after a fight: Jungkook is such a sensible little man and he’d be so hurt after a fight. He hates fighting in general, but what he’d hate even more is fighting with you, the love of his life. He’d regret everything as soon as it's over and immediately try to apologise, even if it wasn’t his fault to begin with. You’d feel bad as you see him almost on his knees and those doe eyes filled with tears. It’d bring you to tears yourself and the night would end up with both of you cuddled in bed as you reassure the other how much you love each other. 

Princess treatment: Absolutely. You are his little princess, and that means he gets to spoil you with gifts, carry your shoes if they make your feet hurt, piggyback rides if you’re feeling tired, dates at luxurious restaurants, you name it. 

Clingy: Jungkook’s clingy. We all know it. But who wouldn’t love it? He’d bring you with him on tour (after he’d begged and begged to his knees to the staff to let you come with him) and he’d keep you around him all the time. You’d get a little scared the members might find you annoying or overwhelming for him, as you’re always there, but they know Jungkook needs you close all the time, so they’re fine and happy for their maknae. 

Loves to see you wearing his clothes: He feels his knees get weak when he sees you wearing his shirt, as it goes past your knees while you rub your eyes from sleep. He unconsciously bites his lip while you don’t notice the way he’s lusting over you at 8 in the morning. 

Spams your phone with selfies: He’ll either steal your phone and when you grab it, you’ll find he took about 200 pictures, making silly faces or pouting cutely or he’ll just send the same amount of selfies when he’s away. He knows it annoys you but deep down he also knows you love having so many pictures of your pretty boyfriend you love so much. 

Nicknames: Princess, baby, jagiya.

NSFW

Dirty talk: He’s so into it, he’d not only whisper it, he’d just say it straight to your face, making you clench around nothing. “You wanna suck my cock, yeah?” he’d moan. “Yeah, fuck, you’re so tight, baby”. “Look at how dumb my cock is making you”

Favourite position: Against the wall. Man’s a gym-bro so he’ll obviously take advantage of that so that he can press you against the nearest wall and hammer your sweet spot, making your arousal squirt out of you with how hard he likes fucking you. 

Slapping: Are we surprised? We’ve all seen the butt obsession he has and you wouldn’t be the exception. Your ass would be red and sore by the time he’s done with you. He’d love slapping it as he fucks you from behind, when you’re doing the most mundane things like brushing your teeth, cooking or bending down to pick up a fallen object. “Hey!” you’d squeal. “Sorry, your ass looked so tempting, babe”. I think, if you’re okay with it, he’d slap your face with his palm or his cock. He loves seeing you whine when he does it and how your cheek starts turning red from the stinging. 

Biting: Jungkook likes biting a lot and loves giving you hickeys all over your body. He also loves getting bitten as well, especially his nipples. 

[rafeyswrd]

for your rafe cameron series 🧡!

i hc that rafe hates that his shy gf is a people pleaser so whenever ppl ask reader for/to do things, he tells them no and teaches reader to be selfish sometimes

sweet girl . part one.

part two.

. . . finally done with uni and travel work so!!! i have not written in too long, so hopefully i have done it some justice!! part 1 because i truly think it deserves more :(

warnings. manipulative rafe? oblivious reader. bad friends lowkey.

Rafe Cameron adored you to the ends of the earth, every breath you took called his name. He cannot think of any quality you owned in which he disliked (maybe, slightly, being a pogue). But God he could not stand how nice you were. You knew it was a bad habit, a habit that made you likeable for all the wrong reasons. 

Your heart was racing, and the base of your palms overloaded with sweat. No matter how many times you tried to relieve the stress, your mind would not stop reeling. It took days of convincing on your friends’ end, but it finally came to their luck when you’d hesitantly agreed.

Terrified. Terrified is the word you would use to describe how you felt. You were in shambles just thinking of the ocean, the deep seas scaring you in ways you would rather not imagine. But your friends needed you, after constructing a plan to get another batch of gold – all they needed was you.

“Are you ready?” JJ asked. Your shaking hands were gripping the edge of the boat before you nodded. 

You tried, you really did, only you felt the panic settle in when your legs were the only identifiable object below you that did not jitter you. Your eyes stung painfully, and you were sure they would swell soon enough. After every exhale you did, water filled your lungs and the fish that trickled by your trembling feet, did not help but cause a worrisome tremble of your body. 

It was a long while with overwhelming darkness consuming you, and time didn’t register then, not until Rafe’s angry voice was loading through your ears.

He was beyond furious. He wasn’t supposed to leave you alone today, but how could he say no to you when you were practically begging? (it did not take much — in fact.)

Rafe stood near his bed, watching your breathing steady and lashes gently flutter open. He paced near you with haste speed, before sitting down near your arms. “Do you know how stupid you are?”

“wh-what?” 

“You wanted to keep this relationship a secret,” his breath shook with every word he spat out, yet the touch on his hands were laced with gentleness. “So you better stay outta trouble. I can’t come ‘n get you around your shitty fucking friends.”

You sat up slowly, taking notice of the way your clothes lay folded on his desk chair, his own clothes hanging loosely around your body. You knew Rafe cared about you, he is your boyfriend, but it never crossed your mind that he’d find anger in your misery. 

You gulped, shrugging your shoulders yet your hands still circled by his, “I-I don’t get it, they’re my friends and they asked, it was a risk anyone would tak-”

“No the fuck it’s not, my God Y/N,” he dragged his hands over his face, before leaning close to you. “No friends would ask you to jump into the fuckin’ ocean knowin’ you’re scared shitless.”

His jaw clenched and you squint your eyes at the furrow of his brows, “Rafe…I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.” The frown residing on your face was evident, reaching out with one hand to clasp his rough hands with your own, and another tenderly caressing the creasing of his skin.

You didn’t understand his anger, but it was justified in your head, nonetheless. How could he ever be wrong in your eyes?

Not a second had passed and he was already mimicking the sadness plastered onto you, before using his other hand to caress your cheeks — a touch so soft sighs escaped the pair’s lips.

“Baby,” he cleared his throat, “Im- m’not mad at you. No one loves you like I do. I wouldn’t risk your life; your friends are selfish.”

He cradled your head onto his chest, wiping and pressing on your pouting mouth. “‘s not the first time either, you care too much ‘ts going to hurt you.” you shrug into his chest, heart aching at the sound of his own beating erratically breath your ears.

Rafe sighed, gulping and leaning onto the headboard, “gonna have to have me stuck by you all the time, i’ll be your backbone while you get to be all sweet ‘n shit.”

“you think i’m sweet?” a saccharine giggle escapes you at the roll of his eyes, and Rafe tightens his hold on you, knuckles white as you draw mindless patterns on his chest.

[signanothername]

honestly, both outcomes where either of the twins die are really interesting to me, yet NM dying and Dream inherenting all his stuff sounds better, somewhat. I mean, imagine Dream starts to heal and grow and the years pass by and he starts to fit into the true immortal role, perhaps even by his maturity starting to act like Nightmare in certain scenarios?

Fr fr same here, really love exploring these possibilities

And that’s exactly what I’m saying, and listen this may be a bit morbid to say, but I wholeheartedly believe that Dream can never truly start his healing journey (and eventually actually heal) until Nightmare’s dead

Cause in a sense, Nightmare is a walking living reminder of both the twins’ trauma and what became of them, and Dream can never truly rest until he stops worrying about the negativity and positivity imbalance that Nightmare’s causing, and once Nightmare’s gone, the balance of emotions is back on its track, and there’s definitely no bigger threat that can mess with that balance afterwards, and by extension, finally giving Dream the actual time to rest/relax, even if a little, considering Dream would definitely feel a bit anxious about the idea of “relaxing” (Dream will forever be a workaholic in my heart, plus his duty as a positivity guardian as well as the fact he’s incapable to stop being a people pleaser will forever haunt him)

But i can absolutely see him finally truly understand and view life in a more healthy manner, find his relationship with life in a way that’s actually meaningful to him, aside worrying about his duty as a guardian, I can see him actually and genuinely feeling what it is like to actually live and not just survive

And by god Anon you’re a fucking genius cause I can absolutely see Dream retaining some of Nightmare’s habits/quirks over time without truly realizing it, only for someone to else to point it out, and for Dream to find it heartwarming yet heartbreaking at the same time

The thing is, Dream becomes both the positivity and negativity guardian once Nightmare’s gone, and I can’t stop thinking about the spiritual implications of that, cause wouldn’t it technically mean Dream would feel his brother’s spirit throughout the negativity of the multiverse? Can Nightmare’s own negativity/positivity get extinguished really? When his memory and impact on positivity and negativity can never be truly changed? When Nightmare used to be a guardian himself? When Dream now has the other black apple half within himself?

Ok ok I’m stopping shhdhdh have another sketch cause Anon you have a big brain with the Dream starts acting like Nightmare idea

Dream doing the formal arms behind back Nightmare stand

Part 1 (technically)

Part 3 (kinda)

Part 4

[eyesxxyou]

Confessions pt.ii

♡ hobie brown x religious!reader

rating. m

word count. 5.1k

synopsis. after years of being missing, Hobie finally returns back to his hometown where his childhood crush still waits for him. but you're more dedicated to God than ever and he couldn't care less. he wants you and he intends show you all that you're missing out on

♡ °｡ ⋆⸜ warning: religious themes, criticism of Christianity, corruption kink, defiling kink, making out, fem masturbation, oral (f receiving), angst at the end

Part. i

You shouldn’t be here. 

Hobie slipped a note into your palm during the next congregation and when you unfolded it, in his scribbly handwriting, it said, ‘meet me around the side of the church if ur coming’. If you didn’t show up, he’d know your answer and you wouldn’t be forced to say no to his face. You were a people pleaser, you’ve hardly ever said no in your entire life. He knew you, you were always a pushover. More often than not, he’d say no for you. He's had to more times than he can count on both hands. He thought he’d make it easy for you. It was a kindness.

After church, with your trusty rosary with it’s pearl beads against your pretty, brown skin, you stood with your parents. You curled a finger around the coiled ends of your braids much like Hobie would do during sermons. Was he still waiting for you or had he already left? Should you go and check? You didn't want him thinking you would actually go with him.

Your parents were wrapped up in conversation. They wouldn’t notice if you left just for a little bit. You wouldn’t run off with Hobie, you’d go just to tell him off. You were a dedicated child of God and you would not be consciously participating in any kind of sinful act with him. So you marched over with conviction, each step made with confidence. You weren’t a child anymore, you could say no to someone by yourself.

But rounding the corner and seeing Hobie standing there, leaning against his old motorcycle with his hands in the pockets of his spiked, leather vest, waiting just for you, made you falter. He was so devastatingly gorgeous, but Lucifer was beautiful as well and you can’t fall for his temptations.

Hobie perked up upon hearing your little mary jane shoes against the asphalt, you didn’t approach any further, dressed in your slip dress that reached your mid-thighs and light pink cardigan. His lips twitched. You twist your ring and nip at your bottom lip. You’ve spent your nights awake, tracing your lips with the tips of your fingers. You close your eyes and remember the weight of his lips on yours, his tongue in your mouth, exploring and claiming. That heat between your legs would slowly return, aching and pulsing and begging to be addressed.

In a moment of weakness, you’d slide your hand beneath your duvet and slip your fingers beneath the band of your panties. You’ve never touched yourself before, not in all your 20 years of life. Suddenly, you went from never touching yourself to reaching between your legs every night, experimenting with what you found pleasurable. On your first night, you stumbled upon wetness coming from your hole, a little up, you found a spot that, when you rubbed it, made your entire body shudder with pleasure. You played with it, rubbed it with your fingers, tugged on it, anything to make that feeling stay. And then this feeling would emerge in the pit of your stomach, an impending sense of doom building. The feeling terrified you and you would stop until the feeling receded before praying for forgiveness.

But you did it the night after that, and the night after that, muttering Hobie’s name under your breath, imagining his long fingers playing with that bud of pleasure you weren’t sure if it was just you who had. You were so thoroughly unaware of your own body, not knowing the names of things, of literal parts of your own body. But that bud was so sensitive. You could imagine Hobie on top of you, whispering in your ear those words and it would make you whimper. Whenever you’d reach that point, when the feeling would build on itself, you would stop out of fear of the unknown.

“I’m not going with you, Hobie.” Hobie, Hobie, Hobie, you’d moan his name under your breath, your hand over your mouth, rosary under your pillow, bible on your bedside table. Did he know? Did anyone know? Could they tell you’ve changed? Could they see the dark shadow casted over your once untainted light? Could the see the way you moved differently in the mornings when your mother would make breakfast? The way you trembled just a little more? If so, no one has said anything.

He only looked at you, tilting his head to the side, staring. You couldn’t handle the burn of his gaze against your skin. You felt inclined to say something more by his stare, like your refusal just wasn’t enough and didn’t deserve an answer.

“I don’t wanna be bad. I don’t wanna feel guilty after, Hobie. I don’t wanna feel shame.”

“Then why’d ya even come ovarhere?” Hobie finally spoke, turning his head back upright. The question caught you off guard. Why did you come over here? “I gave ya the opportunity not to even come but here ya are in front’a me, luv.” He stood up and walked slowly over to you. You made no motion to retreat from him which only confirmed his theory. You held your rosary tighter. "I– I–" You scrambled to come up with something quick. "I wanted to make sure you were gone."

"If you didn' care, you wouldn't've come over in the first place, so, once again, why'd'ya come ova?" He caught you again and was approaching so close now.

“Regret and guilt are two entirely different things, luv.” He reached and caressed your face with the pads of his fingers. He touched the pink ribbon in your hair tying it back into a ponytail and smirked at how cute it was. “You wanted t’ kiss me, you only feel bad ‘cause everyone ‘round you is tellin’ you you should. Why should ya feel bad f’feelin’ good?”

That’s why you got on his bike, Hobie had you sit in front of him as there was no seat in the back for you; with his arms one either side of your body and your back pressed into his chest. You were small compared to him, everyone was, but the way his body seemed to wrap around yours quite nicely.

But as he kicked up the kickstand and started up his bike it was something entirely different. The rumble of the motorcycle as it roared to life made you yelp, your hands on the gas tank to brace yourself. You looked behind you– your body firmly placed on top of his lap– with fear in those pretty eyes of yours. Your rosary was in his pocket, completely out of access to you if you didn't want it left somewhere on the road when it few out of your hands. Sor you only had him to comfort you.

"Jus' relax, doll. I got'chu." 

That's why you're here how, at his place which was just a hotel on the outskirts of town. He never planned to stay longer than a week but you had caused a change of plans so now he's here indefinitely. It was fine as a place, not too shabby but certainly not the most well-kept either.

You shouldn't be here. But you can't say you don't want to be as Hobie unlocks his door and lets you in. He's right. Regret and guilt are two different things, you were coming to learn.

It's cleaner than you expected it to be, only a few stray articles of clothing tossed around which he picked up one by one while making his way to the kitchen. "Any water f'ya, doll?"

Your mouth felt dry, no matter how much you attempted to conjure up saliva. You twisted your ring, biting your lip as you shook your head no. The whole place smelt of him, like smoke and sin and musky cologne, and you loved it.

Being alone with him conjured up memories of being alone in your room in the still of night, your parents fast asleep. It weighed on you, the guilt, the shame. You had to get it out, had to tell someone. You thought of confessing your sin to the Father but the idea of anyone in the church knowing… you'd simply die of your shame.

"I have to tell you something." You blurted out as Hobie tossed his clothes into his room and out of the way. He came back, a brow raised, the piercing above it shifting with the muscle. He didn't say anything, just let you say what you needed to. If you were to confess it to anyone, it had to be him. He'd keep it, he had no one to gossip to. Catholics made terrible gossips and they'd eat up that the perfect little, model child they all adored wasn't so innocent after all.

"I…" you shifted your weight between your feet and found yourself staring at everything other than him. "I touched myself." You let it out in a breath you've been holding in for far too long. You were on the brink of tears, the guilt was eating away at your soul. You could already feel the heat of hellfire at your feet. "I didn't know what I was doing but I kept doing it and It felt good and I know I'm not supposed to give into Earthy pleasures but I couldn't help myself–" you began to babble as you always do when you're about to cry.

A smile crept across Hobie's lips, almost one of pride. "Atta girl." He leaned into you, his body all close to yours. How Hobie loved to be close, touching, intimate with another person, with you. "How was it?" 

You brought your hands up over your face to cover your embarrassment and your tears. "You're not supposed to encourage this kind of behavior!" Your voice struggles to remain normal but you're so bad at hiding your crying, you always have been. "I did something bad, very bad. You should be reprimanding me. I'm going to hell!"

Hobie took one of your hands and peeled it away from your face to see your wet cheek and sighed, taking at you. "Tha' so?" You nodded with a whimper. He pulled you in gently and wrapped his arms around your small body. You placed your face in his chest while he pet your head and shushed you. "Then we goin' t' hell t'gether, crybaby." You pulled away from him and slapped his arm, pouting. "Stop it. That's not funny."

Hobie's deep chuckling sent ripples of heat to the place between your thighs. He pulled you back in close, his hands grasping at your slip and pulling it clad against your body. "There's nothin' wrong wit' wha'cha did. I's natural. You're no' goin' to hell, luv." His hands trail up the sides of your body and slip beneath your cardigan to slide it from your shoulders. "So…wha'cha think of?" He took your cardigan off as you turned your gaze away from him in shame. You couldn't bear to tell him that, admit such a thing to his face.

But your lack of words was all the answer he needed. "Me?" How cocky his voice got. You began to cry again, the shame too much to bear. "I won't do it again, I promise to God!"

Hobie was laughing at you, the whole situation unbearably funny to him. You couldn't believe him. How could he laugh at a time like this, when you were crying right in front of him? Why was this all so funny to him when you were crying in the middle of his makeshift home?

"Stop cryin', luv. I'm not mad at'cha." He grabbed your face and wiped your tears with the pads of his thumbs and the backs of his rough hands. "I'm jus' curious what i' was tha' got'cha all hot 'n bothered. That kiss in the grass, was i'?"

You nod sheepishly, nipping at your bottom lip at just the thought of it. "It was nice." You admitted between sniffles. Just nice was an understatement but it was the best you could come up with at the moment. You touched your lips again, thinking back to it and smiling to yourself. If not for your shame, you would have looked at it as a fond moment.

Hobie dipped down and took your lips with his. He had you up against the wall in seconds, his tongue prodding at your lips to coax them open. You bloomed for him like an innocent flower he planned to crush in his palm, all sweet and innocent as you timidly stroke his tongue with yours and wrapped your arms around his neck. No amount of practicing with your hand would prepare you for the real deal, the way he so intricately explored your mouth with his hot muscle, so expertly made you moan softly into him and melt against his body pinning you to the wall.

Hobie reached up and pulled at one end of your ribbon, your hair fell from its ponytail down your back with curled ends brushing against your behind. His fingers found themselves tangled up in your braids that faded into caramel as he held your face to his and kissed your feverishly.

He brought his knee up and nudged yours apart before slotting between your thighs. Your dress hiked up enough for his knee to press against your panties and your heated core. His hands were grasping your thighs, stroking the soft, plush flesh with his calloused fingertips like he wished he could be so soft, so untouched. Could he tell how wet you were, how much you wanted him?

You couldn't help yourself. Your body took control and grinded itself down against his knee, the folds you barely explored rubbing against his knee and thigh so as to satiate that aching you always felt around him, when you thought of him, when it came to anything involving him. It felt so good, rutting your hips against his leg while his tongue sought out yours.

"We can do so much better than jus' kissin', dove." He murmured against your lips, tongue still stroking before his teeth nibbled at your bottom lip. "Jus' lemme take you to Heaven." Before you made your descent into Hell. "You trust me?"

You nodded. 'With my life', you wanted to say. Hobie was your life for a time, your world. You loved him so much as a child, if anyone knew, they would have considered it idolatry, blasphemy, and would have separated the two of you. The echoes of it were still there just like the echoes of the Hobie you knew and loved so early were still there behind the exterior. He would have been your husband if he hadn't left, he was if your own quiet wedding behind the church house as children held any validity.

You shouldn't feel bad about any of this, you wouldn't if you told yourself you were already married "by law of child's imagination" like it carried more weight than law of the the Lord Himself.

Hobie carried you into his bedroom, his bed unmade, the sheets smelling so heavily of him you thought you might spend the rest of your day's wrapped up in them. He had an old Polaroid camera sitting on his bedside table that you paid little attention to but would become highly important later on.

He placed you on his bed, his lips tracing along the unmarked skin of your throat. You were tense, unsure yet yielding to his touch, cautiously optimistic. "Jus' relax, dove. Can I take this off?" He tugged at the strap of your dress. He saw the way you hesitated, the way those pretty eyes of yours flickered with unsure emotions. He didn't want to completely turn you away, only to push on the borders of your comfort and show you that your pleasure will not be your end.

"I want to keep it on." You couldn't bear the idea of being completely exposed, especially to him. Maybe you feared that he might up and leave again and take with him your dignity. So you held on so tightly to it in order to protect yourself. What if he hops on his motorcycle the next morning with the taste of you on his tongue and you have nothing to show for it? 

"Then we can keep it on." He didn't want you to become uncomfortable around him, thinking he was some vulture out to steal away something precious to you. No matter how much he believed what you held most precious was only created to keep you oppressed.

His hands kept lifting your dress, his palms and fingers groping your thighs more until his digits reached the edge of your underwear. He kissed down your silk-clad diaphragm and naval, your body reacting to every touch. Your back arched towards him, your muscles shuddered with every kiss, your nipples pebbled with arousal and rubbed against your bra. He pushed your dress just above your underwear and kissed the lace-lined waistband. He caught a glimpse of your bra when taking off your cardigan and noticed that the two sets were different. There was something oddly endearing about it, a genuine bit of innocence. Any other girl planning to meet with a boy she likes would have made the effort to make sure they match, but you had no intentions on doing anything nefarious coming into this.

His innocent girl.

"Can I take these off?" Hobie asked again, muttering into your lower stomach against your waistband. He loved the little pink bow on the front of your white panties that matched the ribbon that was once in your hair.

You paused, unsure as you looked down at him so desperately to find his own Heaven between your legs. His eyes asked you to trust him, that he wouldn't hurt you if you just placed yourself in his hands. So you nodded, slowly, and sat up to watch him. You weren't sure what he planned to do, but whatever it was, he'd make sure it felt good.

Hobie slipped his thumbs beneath the band of your underwear and began to pull them down. You lifted yourself up a bit to help him out before sitting back down and watched as he brought them to your quivering thighs. You shivered as he removed them and bit your lip as his hands reached between your knees and parted your legs.

You covered your face with your hands, uncomfortable with the idea of being laid completely bare in front of him. You attempted to close your legs once more but Hobie's head was already between your knees, kissing. He didn't leave marks anywhere else, knowing that you'd have to go home to your parents who would certainly lock you in a closet it they thought you were having sex, or embarrass you in front of the entire church by declaring your business. But he could leave his marks here, where only he would know, where only he could see.

His lips left red marks along your dark caramel thighs, marks that would eventually blossom into roses of blue and purple. Your thighs were sensitive, shivering as he made his way further and further down from your knee, closer to your aching core.

You were so pretty, full lips already slick with arousal, your hole clenching around nothing at all, aching to be filled yet so untouched it didn't yet know what. There was hair, not that he minded, it was the mark of a woman. Hobie glanced up at you, your covered face desperate for some reprieve from the embarrassment of the situation. "You look so pretty, luv." He spoke, his lips so close that you could feel his warm breath against your nether lips. "Stop hiding from me. I want you to watch."

You lowered your hands cautiously, lowering your guard as well. Hobie was looking up at you, waiting with his lips right next to yours. "Atta girl." He murmured before leaning in to kiss your pussy lips. You moaned breathlessly, placing your legs over his shoulders and pulling him in, your eyes fluttering.

"Lay back, doll. Jus’ relax." You worship at an altar all day but who worships you? "Lemme worship ya." His voice so soothing that you fell back against his pillows without a care, his scent in your nose only adding to your pleasure. Hobie parted your legs further, had them spread as far as they could go to reveal you to the cool, open air. Your pussy ached, clit swollen, wet all over. He didn't know where he should start.

"Can ya be such'a good girl 'n ask f'me?" He wanted to hear you beg for it, needed it from those shy, plump lips of yours.

He watched the way you almost dripped with arousal as you let out a small, meek, "please" of humiliation. His teeth nipped at your joints, just beside where you needed him the most, a punishment. "Tha's no' wha' I mean, luv. Ya gotta ask fa i'"

"Please, just touch me!" You couldn't take it anymore, you cried out your words with a desperation you've never before had in your life. "I'll do anything, Hobes, anythin' you wan', bu' please, I need you right here." Your fingers stroked your clit for a moment, words blurring and babbling out of you. You played with yourself the way you would if he wasn't watching, messily, awkwardly, without a real understanding of what you were doing, only that it made you feel good.

"Ah, ah now, don't touch." He tugged your hand from your clit even more swollen now. "Tha's all y'had t' say, lovie."

You whimpered as he licked a long strip from your entrance to your clit before flicking his tongue against your swollen, aching bud. His fingers slid between you legs and circled your trembling cunt. His digits quickly grew slick with your creamy juices. 

You never knew pleasure like this could exist and you never knew you could make noises like these. Your back curved away from the bed and you let out something of a choking moan. His tongue lavished over your virgin clit, his fingers teasing a hole never used, everything was so much more sensitive and you were so much more reactionary.

“Mmh~ Hobie, right…there.” You whined out for him, hips trembling and jolting. Hobie kept his free hand on the junction where your hip met your thigh and pinned you down. The pleasure was making your eyes go cross, your hand reaching down to hold Hobie’s head and keep him right where you needed him. “Hobie, Hobie, Hobie, please! Oh God!” His name was a prayer on your lips and for a moment, he was your god. God of pleasure, of sex, of sin.

If only you knew how he worshiped you, how his tongue on your clit, lips sucking, fingers threatening to enter your tight cunt but knowing you’re not ready for it yet, was his altar to you. Giving pleasure could be his religion, tongueing at your hole could be what he dedicates his life to.

“Grab the camera, take a picture. Jus’ f’you, dove.” He murmured against your desperate pussy, his mouth and his fingers trading places. He rolled your clit between his fingers, rubbing and circling while his tongue lapped at your cunt, sending shivers with each stroke of his tongue.

You palmed around for the camera on his bedside table and grabbed it once you found it. You looked through the viewfinder through bleary eyes and snapped a picture and he licked broad strokes of your tongue each one marked by a kiss against your clit.

That tongue of his was ungodly, with his piercing touching and catching on all the right places. You snapped another picture as he spat on your aching clit and let it dribble down your wet pussy. Both printed out on your stomach, the moment immortalized in image.

Hobie momentarily used the pad of his middle finger to flick your clit. “Keep those…so ya have some’ betta to touch yaself to.” He smirked and returned to his task at hand. His tongue was back on your pussy.

Your body rolled with each stroke of his tongue. You’ve never felt like this, never moved like this, never spoken God’s name in vain. You’d die if he stopped and you know you wouldn’t be going to Heaven but at least you got just a taste of it on your tongue before you went.

There was something building within you, that familiar feeling of unknown nature that terrified you. It was approaching quick, what you believed might be death itself coming for you. It stacked in the pit of your stomach and terrified you. 

“Hobie, Hobie please– stop!”

He pulled away from you swiftly. “What, what’s wrong?” You scared the shit out of him. Did he do something wrong? 

You sat up, pulling down your dress to protect your modesty. The feeling quickly subsided and you sighed in relief. “It’s nothing you did. It’s me.” You wrapped your arms around yourself and cast your gaze away. “Everytime I…touch myself–” even now it’s hard to pry from your lips, “there’s this feeling that I get in my lower stomach. I don’t know what it is, but it terrifies me.”

Hobie stared at you for a long moment then slowly began to laugh. “Dove,” he choked out, “tha’s an orgasm.” He sighed, “Lemme finish, I promise, you’ll enjoy i’, luv.” He pushed you back down against his pillows and set the discarded images down on the other side of the bed. He slid your dress back up over your hips and parted your legs once more.

You nibbled at your bottom lip as his tongue piercing touched your clit. He sucked your rosebud and swirled his tongue in a way that immediately brought back your building tension in your lower abdomen. He wanted to taste you when you came, his tongue searched for your entrance while his fingers played with your pretty little bundle of nerves 

“Hobie– Hobie!” You cried out for him. It was taking you, seizing you like the heat of hellfire. Hobie moaned against your cunt. “‘S okay, luv. Go ‘head ‘n cum f’me.” he needed to taste you, to have you, to know he’s the only one in this entire world to have you. His tongue coaxed you to your first orgasm and it seemed to ravish you like never before. Your muscles tensed, toes pointing then curling.

“Oh– oh my…God.” Your entire body shook with your pleasure, your vision going white and your ears filled with ringing. Were you seeing Heaven? The warmth that enveloped your body felt like paradise, like perfection. You grabbed Hobie’s hair and tugged lightly as his tongue drank in your creamy juices tainted with the stain of the fruits that you eat.

Hobie licked you clean, ate like more of a starved dog than any human. He had you shuddering through the last flashes of you orgasm.

“You feel tha, luv? Tha’s what Heaven feels like.” He kissed your inner thigh and watched as you came down from your high, shuddering. You shivered, your eyes still closed with the aftershock of your very first orgasm. Who knew something sin could feel so good, that something so wrong could feel so right.

Hobie let you close your legs and delicately pulled your slip back down to cover you up. He came and laid on the bed beside you. "How was 't, dove." His fingers pushed your tousled hair out of your face and tucked it delicately behind your ear.

You finally opened you eyes and let out a breath you had been holding for what felt like years now. So this is what pleasure felt like, what real, true, bodily pleasure felt like. It was something otherworldly. 

"Like-" you could only describe it in this one way, "Heaven." You whispered with stars in your eyes as you looked at him. "Does it always feel that way?"

"If ya wit' me, it will." He laughed that pretty laugh of his and held your waist. He was just so pretty, so likable despite his aversion to Christ. That smile of his, the sly way he spoke, tempting you further into debauchery, his way of carrying himself like he was higher than God himself. You couldn't imagine a world where you did anything like this with anyone else. You wanted just him, only him, between your legs in every version of the word.

You didn't say that. Saying things like that scared boys like him, the idea of real commitment, especially for Hobie, who could leave on a dime once again.

Hobie leaned in to kiss you again, his hand holding your face between your jaw and your neck. You let him kiss you, tenderly kissing him back but your mind was far elsewhere. He could tell you weren't here with him, hear the way the gears in your head churned with worry. He pulled away from you. "Wha's wrong?"

You stopped and thought of the words you wanted to say and the best way to put them as to not scare him away. After a while, you decided to just say what you meant, whether is scared him or not. "You won't leave me again. Will you, Hobie?" 

You had to ask. You had to know before you invested yourself in anything with him, before you committed yourself to sin. You didn't want to ruin your life over nothing, just for him to pack his things and leave you again.

He was taken aback by such a question at a time like this. But as he looked into your eyes, he found them pleading for reassurance before you'd let him do anything more with you. They asked him a simple question. 'Will you be here by next Sunday?' 

If only he could tell you that he only came back for you, that after all these years, he never forgot about you. If only he could tell you how much he's missed you over the years, how one day, he just hopped on his motorcycle and drove hours on a whim, on the slim chance that you were still here in this small town where everyone knew each other. Maybe you had tired of the brainwashing as well and left soon after him. But you were still here, as dedicated to the Lord as ever. If he had waited any longer, you might have become a nun.

Here you were, still waiting for him he liked to think– in your pretty little dresses and skirts and your mary janes. All guiltless and untouched, waiting for him to show you the pleasures of the outside world. Would you still have those big, blameless eyes after he's had you in every way he could? Would your body still shudder at his very touch? Would you still be you after he's so thoroughly taken you?

He hoped so.

Hobie stroked your cheek. "I'll leave when ya get sick an' tired 'f me, doll."

taglist: @eldrichhorrornyaa , @coffeeandtealol , @ravieaesthetic

bottom divider credit to @v6que .

[sleepingcup]

Still with You

Game: Stardew Valley

Characters: Sebastian x Reader

Genre: Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, a little bit of angst

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Summary: Sebastian admires you just thw way you are.

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(please be aware of ooc)

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You may not notice this before and even until now, for being just a normal farmer who just sell crops, restores the community center with your junimo friends, helping the others in need to gain their full trust, you have everything.

Yeah...except for one.

Getting a spouse.

It is the ONLY thing you never had while you were doing your best in Pelican Town, and yet you never realize how you actually make others feel better than before even if you can't fix them completely.

Out of all the possible candidates, you found interest on a certain boy.

Even if...you never understand yourself very well...

Local Emo boy, Sebastian.

Lives in the mountain with his parents tho there will always be conflict wherever he goes, it started off as a awkward conversation, but soon it turns to a more...nice and friendly relationship you two have.

What goes romancing anyone can do to you? You are just doing something to save yourself and yet, it turns out that you yourself need saving too but….how? An endless spiral of questions appears on your mind, walking in the rain where no one can really hear you to the beach where you can find solace to the sounds of the rain and the sounds of the beach waves by the docks, and yet…

“Hm? (Farmer)?”

“!!!”

He is there.

“You come to beach in the rain as well?”

You nodded, not expecting someone to be there in the rain. Most people stay at home to avoid the rain for colds but here Sebastian is relishing into the rain like nothing happened. Walking closer to him you two remained quiet, giving a slight glanced at him he looks relaxed but looking a bit sad. Hearing him talk to you does help you well to feel a bit better, and yet he noticed that the rain was getting him more.

“Here there is room for two.”

You walked closer to him a little bit hoping to not take too much space, the two of you relaxed into rain quietly, it was comforting. And yet you never imagine that he is slowly warming up to you. From a slightly awkward conversation in his room, encountering him fixing a motorcycle and plans to move out of town, playing games with him and Sam in his room, and now relaxing with him quietly on the beach side. You do admit secretly that you are comfortable with him being there with you.

But you remember one small pain that you can tell, during in the Flower Dance, you watched Abigail dancing with Sebastian even if you didn’t participate in the dance but to only watch them dance. What is this painful feeling he is just your acquaintance/friend, she looked proud even tho you did not do anything but talk to him just casually.

“…(er)….(Farmer)….”

Why….why does your heart ache when you can’t express it-

“(Farmer), are you okay? You looked lifeless for a minute…”

When you snap out of it, Sebastian was facing you he looked concerned and doesn’t understand why.

“….I….”

“…I know you hear my story about myself a bit just now…. But…. will you let me get to know you a little more even if it hurts?”

You were speechless but to Sebastian he know fully well that there is no one who can hear you out, he has seen you feeling lifeless or depressed in one of these previous days but its rare for him to see you this sad in person. Taking a deep breath before facing to the ocean….

“I….never understand myself and my emotions well….”

You were told you had apathy, doesn’t smile, doesn’t show emotion, but when you do it never makes sense to you. You just want to get to know more about Sebastian and the other people in town not just show emotions. “Im sure the you and the town knows that…I don’t smile more often… I don’t even understand myself very well….” Holding your arm for a slight bit of comfort you closed your eyes taking a sharp breath.

Not ready to see his reaction you decided to continue, “I’m scared… Being a people pleaser for money is not my thing…. And yet, seeing progress with everyone one by one makes me wonder…. What if actually feels to feel….loved.”

“…”

You wanted to run to home and yet, you felt an arm wrapped around your waist. Opening your eyes you saw Sebastian pulling you closer to him, he has a reassuring smile on his face before making you lean your head on his shoulder.

You don’t get it, it never makes sense.

You respected his dream, you respected him, but you never seen him….being this close to you.

Parts of you want to push him away and yet….you feel like you deserve comfort from him.

“Are you feeling a bit better now that you say whats on your mind?”

“….y-yes….”

No more words, only silence and yet there is comfort in silence. Its like time has slowed or stopped for a moment, and yet you feel rather….relieved. Having someone to hear you out is something that you never expected it to be so comforting.

“Did you….hate me for saying these words?”

“No, its rather understandable for you to have these feelings. I don’t hate you for that, but rather thankful that you also open up to me.”

You two stare at the sky that was now going dark, and yet…

“Hey….Sebastian…?”

He looks at you confused before you gently hug him underneath the umbrella, “Thanks.” You don’t want to explain yourself and when you pull away just to look at him once more, you didn’t realize what your doing.

“I’ll find myself going to visit you once I got free time…. But please warm up once your home.”

You pull away from him before waving goodbye to him walking yourself to the town once more leaving Sebastian alone. You didn’t realize this but….you realize that you almost kissed him. It made your face feel warm from what you just did.

Sebastian on the other hand was speechless, feeling his face becoming warmer. You may not noticed this but he saw you smile for the very first time, and yet he did saw that your face was red up close at that. He finds himself covering his mouth feeling warmer than the cold.

He remembers you being there for him on times like this but was not expecting to feel…romantic towards you. He knows fully well that you have apathy and yet he admired you for one reason, being his solace that he never expected. The time where you invited Sebastian to your house for a relaxing dinner after his argument with his step-dad, he felt guilty when he almost yelled at you for trying to comfort him and yet you let him rest on your house and let him relax in your couch while your taking care of the crops. He did tell you many times that he is sorry but you kept on reassuring him that its completely fine since you knew his living condition.

Not only that you also give him gifts that he never had before, risking your life in the mines to get him a Frozen Tears or Obsidian for him, wasting your time fishing just to give him Sashimi, using your crops and milk to give him Pumpkin Soup, giving him something he never expected like the Frog Egg or Void Egg makes him happy. And you hearing him out on his frustrations he rambled on makes him feel even better, he knows your doing it to please him but he also knows that you are purely genuine with him even in you did not realize it.

Walking his way home, he can feel his heart beating so fast.

Sebastian admitted that he admired you, and yet he DOES worries that you might stress yourself out.

…

..

.

He stormed out of his house again but not out of anger or stress, something was giving him a bad feeling. Walking to the mines at night he saw you trying to walk out of the mines but from what he looked at you shock and fear grew within him…

“(FARMER!)”

You were gravely injured, limping slowly as time becomes 2 am. He ran to you straight ahead and captured you to his arms. He check on you with a worried expression on his face and yet you were just unconscious but not dying, he was relieved and yet he needs to make a move.

Carrying you in his arms and walks his way to your house despite how tired he really was, but his priorities is not himself but you. Inside on your house upon arrival he check your injuries and patched it up carefully with your nearby emergency medkit without waking you up. And yet he felt something cool on his hands, it was a frozen tear and he looked at you but you were still asleep.

“For…..Seb….by…”

“….”

He finds himself blushing at that, “….Why must you make me worry at a time like this….” Carefully and gently placing you on the bed before giving you the blanket, he stared at your sleeping face calmly before finding himself learning towards you and yet….he soon realize what he had done and quietly pulled away.

“….But….what if you don’t….”

Sebastian sadly can’t bring himself to kiss you, what if you’re interested in someone else like Sam, Abigail, or others. And yet he instead hold your hand gently before smiling at you, “Get better soon…(Farmer)…” He got up from your bed before quietly walks out of your house before locking it from behind, face still feeling warm and yet he too wanted to kiss you, but…he needs to know your feelings.

…

..

.

Morning finally comes in 6 am, waking up from the sound you tried to remember what happened to you.

You remembered getting gravely injured while fighting the enemies but quickly escaped to the ladder once you realized that it was almost 2 am, but you didn’t lose anything this time but…. neither your money or items was stolen.

“…”

You are confused the second you check your mailbox but nothing was there, you were expecting someone to let you know but no, nothing.

“But….who….”

Then it hits you, the last person you had seen was Sebastian before you didn't land roughly on the ground. There is only on conclusion, and it was Sebastian that brought you here but nothing was stolen.

"...I need to pay him back..."

The next weeks has passed, you made sure you repay Sebastian but he insist that you really don't need to give him anything. And yet when all hope for you feels a bit lost, one day you got an new mail from Robin and upon reading it....

You immediately knew what gift to give, even tho it feels incomplete you decided to get something extra for his gift, you quickly grabbed a stored pumpkin and fresh milk before going back to the house just to make the perfect gift for him, (even tho he is maxed out).

That autumn night of the was truly the day you repay him completely.

Arriving at his room for a nice chit chat by 3:30 pm, you two had a decent chat before the next was comfortable silence. You watching him programming while assisting him on some codes, he never knew you had talent on programming and thanks to you his job feels more easier than before.

"Say...Sebastian."

He looked at you wondering what you had to say, but was greeted by the delicious pumpkin soup that you had well prepared for him.

Smiling at the gift he gladly accepts it from you.

"I love this! How did you know?"

"Your mom let me learn the recipe just for you."

Sebastian was stunned not knowing that she made good friends with his mom just to help you give him a gift out of the materials you stored. Feeling his hand touching your cheek just to look at him, he knew that you were able to feel better. And when he was about to lean closer he suddenly pulled away blushing as you were speechless at his actions.

It was VERY slow for you to realize it...

You truly love him.

Quickly getting his hand before pulling him a bit closer surprising Sebastian, he was about to say something but you gently kisses his cheek before placing something on his arms.

Pulling away he looked down at the gift.

"!!!!"

Sebastian was blushing alot before looking at you with a warm smile, he knew he admired you just the way you are, getting used to his attitude, knowing how to make him smile, and for the times he get to watch you being beautiful even if it wasn't the case.

"I...I didn't know you feel the same way."

He took a glimpse at you with a smile watching your expression, you normal or depressed look your face was replaced by a gentle smile and yet you are blushing at your own actions towards him.

"...Sorry... That I took a long time to...feel that way."

Sebastian shook his head before pulling you to a hug.

Reminiscing the end of Summer by the Moonlight Jellies, Sebastian manage to take a glimpse at you. Being mesmerized by the blue soft glow, and yet when no one else wasn't paying extra attention he saw your genuine smile. It was one reason why he has gotten soft on you without breaking character. Unfortunately he was not able to see that smile after that, it must have felt like a core memory.

And yet.

"Don't make fun of me. But I never had a girlfriend/boyfriend before."

"I won't, it makes you special just the way I love you."

And yet he won't stop blushing, staring at you lovingly before giving your cheek a gentle kiss.

Ever since that day, you made his day even better when you are by his side. The moment you left his room, he was smiling at the bouquet of romantic flowers before hugging it closer to his chest relishing the moment you two have just now.

And if you are completely very luckily, you will see him staring at you with a smile and a cute blush that got your heart racing.

...

..

.

Before the beginning of Winter, you ran to the beach shore to do some foraging.

Ever since you become Sebastian's boyfriend stress and pressure has been applying for the both of you, trying to being the perfect maid to the people while doing dangerous tasks takes a deeper toll on you.

Meanwhile Sebastian had to get used to endless nagging, and worse of all his step-dad being completely rude to him which results him to return to his very bad habits.

Sure the both of you meet up in secret but what romantic moment was turned to empty and yet normal relationship, but in one of those times....

"I like you hair."

"!!!"

There are nice and tender moments hiding underneath the waters of the iceberg, despite you feeing the stress, pressure, and painful injuries you still went out of your way just to see him. Sebastian can be worried about you and yet...

"May I have you hand Sebastian?"

Sebastian was confused before lending out his hand to you, "Please, close your eyes." You said before he did what you told him, he felt something cold and yet it was highly different from the gifts. "You may open it now." And just like that, he opened his eyes...

It was a Mermaid's Pendant.

...

..

.

Ever since you two were married, Sebastian had never felt THIS HAPPY before. Marrying you was his best decision ever and as a result he lives in your house comfortably.

Plus he get to learn something silly from you. getting insane over the silliest of things, being overall very clingy to him when you go near him.

Sebastian did his very best to quit smoking for real just to live a bit more longer with you, and as a result he felt like his choices are rewarding. You still accept his sudden confessions of being alone, you still made sure you give him gifts, heck you evenly made sure that he gets the love he wanted to receive for so long.

There was money struggles from time to time but he understands since you two kept a nice conversation from time to time, sure he knows that you give gifts to other genders but its different compared how you give him gifts.

Finally one day the house was completely upgraded and he was tempted on the basement but you were pouting at him for that silly suggestion.

But that isn't all...

One rainy day you went home again to check up on Sebastian...

You are normally stoic and yet, that won't stop your heart from beating loudly. knowing the facts that Sebastian is genuinely romantic at random times can sometimes get you insane in love with him all over again.

It made you a blushing mess much to Sebastian's happy reactions from you.

You quickly pulled him closer to give him a hug and kisses that he still desperately needs, the same moment when time was stopped and yet, it was stopped in the most right way possible.

After all...

He still enjoys your company with him even now.

[thebroccolination]

TOXIC FAN PRESSURE

So a lot of us saw this exchange yesterday between Krist and a toxic fan who got flatly shut down when they tried to make Krist choose between GawinKrist and KristSingto:

I made a whole thread on Twitter to provide context about it (that I might also put on here).

And, y’know, even though this gives people like that more undeserved attention, I’m sharing these other tweets to show people outside the fandom the level of nonsense Krist has been putting up with for months just because he’s still friends with Gawin and won’t pretend he doesn’t exist for the sake of their fantasies.

Krist is twenty-eight now, and he’s clearly ready to set some boundaries with fans who try to take liberties, but I want to take this as an opportunity to point out that he’s been dealing with this and worse since SOTUS aired while he was still in university.

He’s famous for being a people-pleaser, kind to all to his own detriment, so it shocked and pleased a lot of long-time fans to see him finally clap back yesterday. And it’s fitting that he did it to protect the people he loves.

And these are sock puppet accounts posting publicly, so I can’t imagine what they’re sending to his DMs.

All because he found a friend.

I’m glad he stood up to them.

[moonystoes]

Camp Out! - Elisa De Almeida

(Final part)

Here: part 1, part 2, part 3

Summary: It's Camp out, and being in the same tent as Elisa isn't so bad.

Warning: none!

w/c: 9.6k

A/n: I promised you guys I will post the fic this weekend (I lied it's already 2 am), I have to be honest but I completely gave up on this chapter. I am so attached to y/n and baby Elisa, but this was so difficult for me. There were things I wanted to remove and edit, but I don't care at this point. I may make another chapter, but for now... it's over :,(

Days have passed since prom and your plan on avoiding Paul has been quite successful. It was the last week of school before winter break, and since you were the teachers’ favorite, you were asked to be working around the school all the time. Organizing papers, stapling the review papers, handing them out…things the teachers should be doing, And your job today is to take off the old prom posters from around the school. Usually you’d be frustrated and annoyed at the amount of work they put you through without paying you (child labor much?), but you were thankful and delighted for the extra school work given. Another excuse to avoid Paul.

You somehow found yourself humming that same song from prom, calmly ripping out the posters in the hallways. It wasn't until you heard an obvious fake, rough cough behind you. As you looked over to see if your annoying teacher had another chore for you, your heart sank when you realized it was Paul with a frown on his face.

“Hey, sorry but I really need to remove all of those posters.” You robotally said, twisting your body back and ripping out the small tape around the corners of the posters.

“Come on y/n, you’ve been busy this whole week, “ He groaned, resting his palm on your shoulder to turn you around to face him, “Just give me a minute.”

You sighed loudly as you pondered for a moment. Maybe you will gain confidence in this conversation and will make him leave you alone, “fine, just be quick.”

He nodded quickly and stood up straight. Inhaling deeply, he blurted out, “You embarrassed me in prom.”

“Excuse me?” You retorted, “what did you just say?”

“I mean… You left me alone. Prom wasn’t good because of that.”

“Paul, prom wasn’t good for multiple reasons. One of them was me agreeing to be your date.” You shrugged him off as you ripped out the papers from the wall. How dare he say something like that? You never snapped in school, in fact you rarely do in general. But you don’t care anymore. Not after the way Elisa treated you 10x better than him and she wasn’t your date. Hell, she wasn’t even your friend!

“What do you even mean by that? I was there! I didn’t run away and lied about going to the bathroom.” He spluttered, flailing his arms around him in frustration.

“Well if you were a great date, you…” you stammered, your confidence and anger has faded into worry. No matter how frustrated you are with him, you can’t make him angry or sad, the down part of being a people pleaser, “...would've noticed that I was sick. I had to go home.” You lied.

His brows furrowed in confusion, “were you actually?” He took a step closer to you, eyeing your body as if he would be able to see the sickness that way, “are you lying?”

Your face blushed at the thought of getting caught, “No! Why would I lie like that.”

“Because a friend of mine saw you walk out with another boy.”

A blush ran through your face as you looked down at the ground, too afraid to even glance at his doe brown eyes, “it wasn't a boy… It was Elisa.”

“What?” He gasped, flashbacks of the conversation both of you had at prom came crashing into him. 

“No matter how much she dresses like us, she can never be us,” You turned to look at him in surprise, “imagine being a lesbian and trying to dress like us yet you get no dates.”

Your shock turned into anger, “Paul, what the fuck!” You couldn't believe he is your date, let alone your best friend as a kid.

The guys all laughed at what he said and how you reacted, Paul looked at you in shame and he tried to pull you away from the group.

“No let go of me! You can't just say stuff like that, it's rude.”

No way! Did you ditch him for her? That's exactly what he said would never happen. Did the lesbian Elisa actually just snatch his girl on prom night?

“Ehm… she noticed I was sick in the bathroom and walked me home,” You turned your front into the wall, shakingly ripping out the papers on the wall like how you were supposed to do in the first place.

“Well…I'm sorry. You should've told me about it.” He shrugged his shoulders as his eyes were filled with disappointment in you for not letting him know.

“You should've acknowledged me.” You whispered back as you walked away from that hallway, exhaling calmly knowing that conversation is over, not caring how insensitive your response may be.

It felt great knowing that whatever had happened between you over the years through childhood is now thrown out. You may have been heartbroken if you knew this at the beginning of the year, but it feels like a blessing to you now.

___

January 11th, 2013

Turning slowly towards Sammy, you mumbled, "Do you know what is going on there?” Class should've started 5 minutes ago, but the class was delayed by 3 teachers who were whispering at the door including the school principal. 

"Yeah, it's Camp Out this Friday." Sam said in a duh tone. You hummed quietly, opening your notebook and writing the date quickly to prepare yourself for the new lesson. The teachers quietly left, leaving the History teacher alone at the front of the brightly lit class to start the afternoon.

"Good afternoon everyone. As you know, it's the beginning of the second semester and we have this tradition called ‘Camp out’." his hands fiddled with a stack of papers, folding them together and unfolding as he walks around the class.

"Told you." Sam stuck out her tongue quickly, before turning back to the front of the class.

"If you didn't know about Camp out, it's a tradition where the first year of high school gets a camp day for free! We will camp at the park, forest or whatever you want to call it. The one behind the school. We will provide food, movies, and games. But we will also sleep there. You will need to bring your own tents, sleeping bags, and anything you want.”

The students turned around, already discussing to each other what they should bring and do. You glanced at Sam to plan the day, but her long hair covered her face, and she played with her nails as always.

"Hey! I'm still talking. It will happen in three days, this Friday. You will go to school like normal. And instead of going home at 4, you will stay here. We will move to the park and build our tents, and stay there till 10 in the morning of the next day. We will provide dinner, snacks, and breakfast. Then your parents or guardian will pick you up on Saturday morning. When we sleep, we will split the area in two. One for the boys and one for the girls.”

"Is Elisa sleeping with us too?" A loud remark came from the left side of the class. You knew it was Paul, especially after the conversation you had around three weeks ago. He had been very harsh towards Elisa, before it was small remarks to his friends, but now it's more than that. There was a certain jealousy brewing in him after knowing how she was there to help you instead of him when you were ‘sick’ at prom. Laughter erupted from the class, making you frown at him and glance at Sammy as she shrugged.

You awkwardly shifted to the back of the class where Elisa sits with Fleur and Marie. Even with the loud chatter of the class, Elisa was staring at her empty table, fiddling with her pen. She was clearly lost in thought, her body drowning in an oversized gray hoodie. When you looked at the rest of the table, you caught Marie’s eye. Realizing she caught you staring at Elisa, you flinched and turned back immediately to the front of the class.

"Paul, try thinking of something creative next time." Mr. Nick glared at Paul, angry at the unwanted interruption. "There will be 5 teachers with you guys, and we will be awake at all times to make sure none of you do anything inappropriate, I know you guys are responsible enough to not do it.”

He took a deep breath, walking around to pass the consent forms. Since you and Sam sit at the front, you were the first to receive them.

"Will you go?" Your eyes quickly skimming over the words.

"Absolutely not." Sam joked, ripping the paper in half. You gasped, turning to look at the torn paper on the table.

"What the fuck, why?" You furrowed your eyebrows together at the mess, "oh my God it's literally 5 minutes into class and you're already acting up.”

"You think I'm acting up? Imagine how these boys would act at 2 at night. I'd rather jump off a cliff.” her head turning towards the boys’ tables, their voice looming over the class. “Look at that, they're already planning what they'll do to us when we sleep.”

“...what will they do to us when we sleep?” You hesitantly questioned, face flinching away from Sam knowing she'll probably start blabbering again.

“Are you crazy? What rhymes with grape?” She whispers shouts, her eyes glancing back at Xavi, the creepy kid of the class.

“Oh Sam, you can't just assume something like that!” You gasped at her accusation. It is true, Xavi was a complete weirdo to all the girls, but bringing up a big topic like that wasn't right. “Don't worry, I'm sure nothing will happen around the teachers and the girls.” You reassured her.

“Oh yeah, because Elisa's big, juicy, arms will save you from the bad guys.” she mocked, her body leaned closer to yours with a wink.

You looked back at the clean whiteboard, wishing to disappear. “Fuck off Sammy.”

Sam's cackle was loud enough for some of the students nearby to glance, making you kick her foot under the table and praying that Elisa didn't hear what she said.

Sam had been making jokes about Elisa after the prom conversation, she wanted you to feel relaxed around her and admit your crush. But you had made an obvious mistake (Sam knew this was a step closer for you to admit it), when you walked around the school’s football pitch at lunch on the first day of school after winter break.

You were watching the small matches played by the students when you surprisingly saw Marie on the sidelines. Knowing that she loves and plays the sport, you sat next to her with a bright smile and questioned why she wasn't there playing with the rest, and obviously her response was about the sexist boys. When you looked back at the pitch, you found Elisa between the boys. She clearly couldn't care less about what the boys were saying. She wore a sleeveless basketball jersey showing off her arm tan lines, and shorts long enough to reach her knees. It was obviously too cold for her to be dressed like that, but the afternoon sun and playing had helped warm her up.

The harsh sun caused her body to shine with sweat and caused her short hair to stick to her forehead. But what made your heart start to race is when she pushed Paul with a physical tackle, grass flying around them from the impact. Paul was grunting in pain on the ground, waiting for the whistle to blow. But Elisa wasn’t groaning in pain, she instead immediately pushed herself up from the ground, making her biceps bulge.

The boys called out for a yellow card, but all Elisa did was laugh at them and remind them of their comments beforehand about ‘girls being too weak to play football with them’. You quietly stood up and smiled at Elisa for fighting for her spot. You knew it was difficult for girls to argue with boys like them, and Elisa doing it shows her passion for the sport.

Elisa saw you smiling in the corner of her eyes, and when she turned to look at you completely, her face turned crimson red. She bit her lip and turned back to look at Paul on the ground, feeling a small sense of victory. Yes, I won her over.

You weren’t aware that Elisa had thought about this moment for too long too. It was unusual to see you acknowledge her, and she had begged for something to happen between you ever since the walk after prom. Seeing your beaming smile because of something she did made her brain shut down for a second. Especially after what happened at prom, she’s worried if she’s reaching for an inaccessible relationship.

Sam knew about this new fascination of Elisa’s arms in class that day, when you nudged her quickly and subtly gestured to Elisa with your head when she walked past the both of you to her seat. She gave you a confused look, mumbling a small ‘what’. But you pointed at your bicep, flexing your weak arm to show her what you meant. She turned around to glance at Elisa's arms for a second and turned back to look at you with a disappointed glance, making you shyly shrug with a simple ‘her arms are stronger than all of the boys here’.

And from that day, Sam has subtly brought up Elisa's arms in every discussion you have. At first it was funny, but nowadays it causes you to panic, feeling horrified at the idea of her knowing about your crush. 

“Each tent will have four people in them, there are enough students for four tents for boys excluding James since he’s on a trip now, but for the girls there is an extra girl. One of the groups will have to compromise and let her join, okay?” Mr. Nick's close voice caused you to jump out of your seat, waking you up from the daydreams again about elisa.

“Sir, I'm not going.” Sam raised her hand, causing you to glare at her.

“Perfect. Y/n, why don't you sit with the Powerpuff girls at the back.” His hand rested on your shoulder, one of the disadvantages of being his favorite student and sitting in front. You gave him a soft nod at his reassuring smile, bending down to pick up your bag.

You glanced back to Sam, whispering quietly, “I can't believe you're making me do this alone, we'll talk about this later.”

“You're sleeping with Ms. Buff arms, have fun.” She whispered back with a cheeky smile and a subtle wink, causing you to stop packing and gape at her for a second. You had completely forgotten about what all of this is for, realizing that out of every girl group in this class it's with them. You didn't have a problem with either Katoto and Fleur. But when it comes to Elisa, you cannot be sleeping in the same place as her.

You sighed audible, taking your backpack and walking to the back of the class. Grinning at Fleur and Marie as you sat in the empty seat of the four-seat table.

“Hey,” you whispered in the middle of the table, letting them know you've sat with them since both Marie and Fleur were sneakily on their phones and Elisa doodling on her notebook. Elisa hummed at your approach, not even glancing at you.

“I’ll bring the tent.” Fleur said looking up from her phone, glancing at you and the girls. You breathed out, at least one of them isn’t ignoring you and actually looked at you from them.

“Guys imagine bringing snacks and staying up all night? We have to do that!” Elisa suddenly gasped, she grabbed Marie's bicep since they were sitting next to each other. “Fleur, what type of snacks do you want?”

You felt a sudden energy of sadness in you, not used to the feeling of being left out. You knew she was not purposefully trying to ignore you, but it felt like shit. Your mind kept reminding you of her Facebook post, that all of the things both of you went through (which isn't much…and you knew it), was all friendly. And she doesn't think you are pretty enough for her to talk to you.

“I don't care, sour patch kids and cheetos but you can bring the whole store and I'll eat anything.” Fleur shrugged, her fingers awkwardly tapping on the table.

“I can get the snacks.” You finally spoke out, voice slightly cracking when Elisa looked into your eyes across from you. You turned to your left to check on Fleur, and she nodded with a satisfied ‘okay’. Elisa shrugged, writing on her notebook ‘snacks’ under your initials.

“I'll bring the sleeping-bags… I already have four from family trips.” Elisa awkwardly mumbled, writing the things she needed under her name. 

“Make sure Alex didn't shit on them, I don't want to take his.”

“Hell no I'm taking mine, you either take my parents’ or Alex's.”

“Fleur, take Alex's, imagine what her parents did on theirs.” Marie covering her face from Elisa with the palm of her hand as she ‘attempted’ to wink.

“Ew weirdo, they're literally divorced.” Elisa moved her body so she could see Marie’s face, but what she didn't realize is that she got really close to you by propping herself on the table with her hands, and sitting on her knees so she could move freely around the table and look at Marie. You panicked and pushed your seat slightly back, making Fleur notice and glancing at you for a second before turning back to them, “what are you gonna get?”

“I don't know… I'll get board games! Like Uno or something.” She exclaimed until she saw Elisa's disappointed face, “Okay fine I'll think of something else.”

The table went quiet, you looked around waiting for someone to say something. But Elisa just folded her arms on the table and rested her head on them to sleep.

You sighed as you look at the list,

“Elisa - sleeping bags

Fleur - tent

MAK - games?

Me - snacks Cheetos, sour patch kids, and anything”

While Elisa was sleeping, you kept glancing at her grown hair. You can't look at her for too long, or else you might end up having a meltdown. It bothered you that for the first time you had an actual crush, she doesn't even think you're pretty. A deep frown was stuck to your face, and you didn't care if Fleur, Marie or everyone in class noticed. All you wished is for her to see you the way you did.

Elisa wasn't sleeping, she did try to take a nap but her head kept distracting her. And the thought of you sleeping next to her is suffocating her. Would you wear a silk mini dress? Or a silly mickey mouse pjs? It doesn't matter, because she knew she would be a blushing mess no matter what you were wearing.

She was also thinking about what Marie and Fleur are gonna do. She knew that they liked playing risky games, what if they put the both of you together for seven minutes of heaven? Or dared you to kiss? They wouldn't do that. No way, right? What if when you watch a movie they force you and her to cuddle? She can't let them know the effects you have on her, because they would definitely try and set them up together.

“Eli stop being depressed, it's literally your birthday.” Fleur groaned out, reaching her hand to mess up Elisa's hair.

You glanced back at Fleur and then looked back to Elisa. Eli? Wait… maybe Fleur is the pretty girl she was talking about in that post. Or maybe they're just friends. You gave Samantha nicknames all the time! Sam, Sammy…it could be a friendly gesture, not a flirty one.

But your mind was lost, and the idea of them both going to prom reminded you that whatever relationship you want with her is never gonna happen…not when Fleur plays her hobby in the same academy as her and touches her hair and body all the time.

Elisa, or Eli, looked up with a fake animated pout, “stop… I already know you're gonna do something once we go training.”

Marie's head was pushed back from laughter, “should we put glue in her deodorant this time?”

“Ew! what the fuck?”

“I saw that from one of those DIY pranks on youtube.” She shrugged, tears rolling from her eyes looking at Elisa's horrified face.

You didn't say anything, feeling ashamed at not doing anything for her birthday. In your defense, you didn't know. But there was still guilt at the thought of bringing nothing for her. 

You were also feeling flustered, not at the gift part, but at the feeling that started blooming in you when looking at Elisa that way. The pouty face, the panicked, and the frustrated expressions. Even if Elisa was ugly crying with snot going down her mouth, you'd still be blushing. It was a lot for you, too much in a span of 5 minutes. It didn't help that Elisa's hair had grown and now looks like a bird's nest from Fleur's hand.

Fleur tugged Elisa's hand, “we're not gonna do that, we will probably get kicked out of the academy.”

Elisa shut her eyes and sighed loudly, “thank the lord.” Making the whole table softly giggle and go silent.

It was awkward, maybe for you only. So you took a risk, “Happy birthday Elisa, sorry I didn't get a gift…I didn't know until now.”

She looked up from her scribbles to you and gave you a small smile, “no worries, I'm not really expecting one from anyone in here anyways.”

“I'm pretty sure we can do something on camp day, right girls?” Maybe you can get her something on Friday, “like a mini party at night? Unless you guys have to sleep early for football, of course.”

Fleur looked at the girls at the table, having a silent conversation with their eyes only. Your hands were starting to feel clammy. Oh God, what if they're talking shit about me? What if I sound so desperate now?

“That's a cute idea, sure!” Fleur smiled at you, she looked back at Elisa, now having a suspicious face and glancing at everyone around the table, “we don't have training on Saturdays, we have a match on Sundays though. But it's okay, they're always in the afternoon or evenings so we don't have to wake up early.”

You turned to look at Elisa, but her eyes remained on Fleur next to you. Take a risk,  you reminded yourself, it worked last time.

You tapped her hand making her turn to look at you, “don't worry, no pranks. Just a small birthday party.” You gave her a smile.

Elisa looked at your eyes, it had been long since she had actually tried to maintain eye contact with your eyes (she was clearly blind not to notice the struggle isn't one-sided), her cheeks turned slightly pink, enough for you to smile even larger, “Ugh, thanks. I just want you to know that you really don't have to do all of that.”

“Why not? You know, in some places like Mexico and Latin America, they celebrate the 15th birthday like weddings! It's called quinceañera. They invite a lot of people and wear fancy dresses. It's sweet, and I know I don't have to do it, but I want to.”

Marie's eyes were wide as she gave a knowing look to Fleur, the table remained quiet for a few seconds as the both of them were communicating with their eyes.

Elisa was not just pink, she was red as a cherry now. She let out a giggle at what you said and just gave out a shrug, knowing if she tried to say something it would either be dumb or just a long minute of stuttering.

For the first time, it wasn't embarrassment or awkwardness that was filling you from this silence, it was hope. Hope that maybe there could be something that you can make from the relationship, especially after Elisa's blushing mess.

After a minute of praying that all of this would end, Elisa's prayers were answered when your teacher asked for everyone to move back into their seats.

When you sat back down next to Sam, she turned to look at you with a knowing smirk, “how was it?”

“Did you know it's Elisa's birthday today?” You quickly asked her, turning your body now to the front of the class since the lesson will actually start.

“No, are you doing something for her?” She asked, hoping you'd say something that will make her ‘theory’ true.

“Not now, but in camp I'm gonna get her something. What should I get her?” You remained facing the teacher as you replied.

Sam smiled, holding in her laugh, “I don't know…maybe football boots?”

You thought for a second before shrugging off what she said, “no, they're too expensive and I don't know her shoe size.”

“Hmm…I don't know, we'll figure it out later.”

You nodded at what she said before continuing writing the notes.

___

Your father sighed quietly when he saw the bill, “all of this? A cake? And a… what even is that?” He took a sip of the dark cup of coffee he had, staring at some old romcom show on TV.

“It's for the camp out thing, I told you before me and mama left,” You glanced at his distracted face, glad that the show is making him less angry than how he would've reacted without it. “It's a mini cake! For my friend's birthday. And that thing is a bracelet set, so I can make jewelry.” You calmly spoke out.

“Ugh fine, just let me know when you buy the whole store next time.” He groaned out, shrugging you off with his hand.

“Thanks, love you.” You bent down and kissed his head, running off to your room to pack your things.

You grabbed a gym bag, something your mom abandoned for years. And started filling them with essentials, pads, underwear, your hello kitty pj's that you weren't embarrassed by, some emergency products in case anything happened.

You brought another bag for all of the snacks, making sure the cake box is placed on top so it doesn’t get mushed. Turning around your room, you opened the bracelet making kit and stared at the beads. Would Elisa wear a bracelet? They aren’t a very feminine thing, and you were sure if you used masculine colors she would be okay with it.

The problem is that you were not sure if she would accept it from you. You weren’t close with her, why would she wear something you made her? She doesn’t even wear any jewelry in the first place! You rolled your eyes as you groaned loudly, dropping your body backwards on your bed. You knew you were overthinking it, but you really wanted her to like you. It felt like elementary days, where the kids would buy gifts for their classmates to gain a friendship.

Deciding to make her a black and white bracelet, the colors of a classic football and it was not ‘feminine’, something Elisa has avoided throughout the whole school semester.

After thirty minutes and an intense back stretch, you were finally satisfied with the product. You placed it in a small velvet bag, writing a small note in it that says ‘happy belated birthday, I don’t know if you like wearing jewelry like these, but I hope you would like this.’ You also decided to take the bracelet kit with you there too, maybe Marie or Fleur would want to make some at midnight.

___

It was already Friday, all of the students abandoning the teachers as they excitedly planned their evenings together. You were standing in the office, where the class kept their Camp Out equipment before classes started. It was already 4pm, and now you were meant to be moving to the park. You were shyly staring at your group, too scared to approach them. But Elisa turned around and spotted you, giving you a small wave so you could go there.

You grinned, giving her a wave back as you carried your three bags; your backpack, gym bag, and the beach bag that was filled with the snacks, “Hey, I brought everything here.”

Fleur turned to glance at you, “oh hey, thanks by the way.” She bent down and carried your things to the corner of the room.

“Oh, you don't have to do this. You're still injured!”

She shrugged you off, “don't worry about it.”

“Alright, let's move from the back door, walk across that football pitch, and go on that sidewalk.” The counselor called out.

You went down and carried your backpack, grabbing the other two heavy bags when Elisa's hand stopped you, “I got it.”

“You are already carrying 2 sleeping bags, it's okay.” You argued, but before you grasped the handles Elisa was already lifting them.

She turned to maintain eye contact with you, “It's fine.”

You nodded and followed the teachers. You were a few steps ahead from the other girls, but you were able to hear what they were saying.

“Yo, look at her back,” Katoto laughed out loud, “Elisa trying so hard to look strong.”

“Shut up!” Elisa whisper-shouted at both of the girls giggling. It was obvious that she was struggling with carrying the bags, but she wanted you to think of her as a strong girl.

You bit your lip, holding in the giggle that almost came out of you. The walk was long, and the bickering between the girls did not stop.

“Elisa, you're so strong, please come carry my things for me.” Fleur fake-groaned, obviously mocking Elisa's posture.

Marie was already in tears by now, clutching into her stomach from the pain. Elisa hoped that you couldn't hear any of the things they're saying or else she'd just die. But by the way your shoulders were vibrating, she knew that you had been laughing with them.

When the class reached the empty field, you went to the right side (the girl's section) and placed all of your things there. You looked at Elisa's red face, “thanks…you didn't have to carry all of them.”

Elisa threw everything roughly on the ground, her shoulders and back too damaged to care about the safety of the products inside your bag, “oh no…I'm fine.” She nodded towards you, twisting her torso and trying to stretch the pained muscle on her lower back.

You giggled seeing her like this and nodded back, going over to Marie and opening the big tent bag. While trying to stabilize the tent edge into the ground, you saw a shadow crouch down next to you, “Hey y/n… you can have my sleeping bag tonight.”

When you turned to look at your right, your face blushed at how close she was. Her eyes were burning yours, trying to see a reaction of discomfort from how close she is to you. But she found none, other than a slight shaky breath and pinkish cheeks.

“Are you sure? It's yours.”

Elisa placed her shaky hands on top of yours, tightening the fabric of the tent into the ground when she realized it was loose, “I can sleep in my mom's or dad's… I feel like it would be inappropriate of me to just give you theirs and not mine.”

“What about Marie and Fleur?” You asked, glancing at the both of them adjusting the other corners.

“Pfft who cares about them, they can sleep on the ground.” Elisa shrugged them off, making you laugh.

“Wow…I'm sure they would be disappointed at your loyalty.” You sarcastically gasped.

Elisa smiled shyly, getting closer to the point where your shoulders were sticking to each other, “oh please…our relationship is just us bullying each other.”

It was a minute of silence between you guys, the both of you not wanting to leave the other. It was until Fleur groaned out as she stood up, looking at the both of you ‘adjusting’ the corner and giving Marie a suspicious nudge.

Marie looked at the both of you and winked at Fleur, “guys let's put the things inside!”

The both of you quietly sighed in disappointment, standing up and grabbing all of the bags inside and organizing the place.

“Wow you brought all of these snacks?” Fleur gasped as she looked through the beach bag, “wait, what is that?”

She pointed at the cake box, “shh… that's Elisa's birthday cake.”

Fleur nodded as she got closer to the cake, “what flavor is it?”

“Chocolate with vanilla frosting,” You responded, “I felt like Elisa would like that…no?”

Fleur remained silent for a second before turning to look at Elisa, “Hey Elisa, isn't strawberry your favorite cake flavor?”

You huffed out and turned the other way, I guess she didn't hear me when I said ‘shhh’, you looked at Elisa as she gave Fleur a disgusted look, “ew no what the fuck?”

Fleur rolled her eyes in annoyance, “oh come on, is it too girly for you?”

Elisa glared at Fleur, “no it just tastes like anything but strawberries.” She laid down the sleeping bags in order before adding, “chocolate is my favorite, I thought you'd know this.”

Fleur turned and gave you a surprised look, “wow I guess y/n knows Elisa more than us.”

It was obvious Fleur was teasing the both of you, and the way Marie was smirking on the side didn't help Elisa's panic. Was her attraction that obvious? What if you think it's gross the way they're joking?

There was a moment of silence, Elisa glaring at both of her friends while you organized your stuff on the corner. A shadow came by the tent door, “Girls go out, we have some tasks for you!”

Marie gaped at the door, “I thought this camp was supposed to be fun!”

“Stop complaining and go out now!”

“Okay, miss!” You yelled out before rolling your eyes. Today is going to be a long day.

----

“Here is your pizza.” Elisa placed a cheese pizza next to you and sat there. You stopped touching the small cut on your toe and looked up, “hey, thanks.”

Elisa nodded, looking at the bloody toe you have, “I will get you a bandaid once we go to our tents, okay? I can clean up the cut too.”

You felt your cheeks turn hot at Elisa’s gentleness towards you. Instead of responding to her, you just gave her a shy smile and bit into your pizza.

Fleur and Katoto sat further away from the both of you. Usually, they would get jealous and frustrated at how Elisa is basically ignoring their existence. But you were an exception, especially when this is the first time they see Elisa this way with anyone. As well as, seeing you have a crush on someone… someone that’s a girl and their bestfriend.

Elisa wanted you to see her as a responsible person, someone that can help you whenever you need it. She carried your stuff, made your sleeping ‘corner’, helped you walk when you tripped over a rock and hurt yourself, gave you your dinner, and now offered to clean up your cut. She just hoped that it wouldn't overwhelm you, and maybe you’d realize that she is just an annoying, clingy person that doesn’t understand boundaries.

But you never complained, only looking down and avoiding eye contacts with a sheepish smile. There was some hope, that maybe you’d actually see her the way she sees you, and maybe you actually like girls. That’s a thought Elisa is currently trying to avoid, too afraid to hurt herself the more she thinks about it.

You took a few bites from the large pizza slice before turning to Elisa, “Hey… I got you a mini gift,” You placed your left hand into your pocket and pulled out the mini jewelry bag, placing it delicately into her palm. “I hope you like it.”

She smiled shyly as she tightly grasped it, “you didn't have to get me a gift.”

You avoided eye contact while taking a bite, “I know, but I wanted to.”

“Guys if you're done, get your pajamas and go back to the school building to change,” one of the teachers yelled out, “there are lights around the school so it won't be too dark.”

You turned to look at Fleur and Marie, signaling with your head if you should go now or wait. They nodded and slowly stood up, their legs too sore from sitting for too long.

You placed your left palm on the ground to push yourself up, but you saw Elisa standing up and reaching out for your hands. Everything was overwhelming you, she was too gentle and sweet with you. And it horrified you to know that all of this can be a friendly gesture, that all Elisa wants is some pretty girl that definitely wasn't you.

The group walked to the bathrooms with their clothes, Fleur and Marie changed in the same cubicle, claiming that they're making more space for others who want to change. Elisa went to one alone while you did the same, getting slight deja vu from the first week of school.

You were out first, braiding your thick long hair. Some of your other classmates were also in the restroom with you, so you decided to have a chat with them while you waited on the others.

“Augh fuck guys,” Elisa groaned out from her cubicle. Opening the door slightly with pink cheeks and a shameful look.

You looked worriedly, stepping forward to check if she hurt herself on something. But she shied away and hid herself from the door, “Hey Elisa…is everything okay?”

“Umm…yeah, I just got my period I guess.” She muttered weakly, too embarrassed at herself for not tracking the days or even bringing something with her.

“It's okay…do you want pads or tampons? I've got some stuff.” You whispered back, it's obvious she didn't want the others to know about it.

“Can I get a tampon?” She asked, opening the door slightly so you can hear her better.

But you froze, you didn't want to admit it but she looked precious this way. You thought that you've been strong this whole day, but seeing her vulnerable in front of you made you feel weak in the knees.

You nodded quickly, going to your bag and pulling out one. You rushed to the cubicle and handed it, “I'm gonna do something, just meet me at the tent, okay?”

She gave you a soft smile in gratitude and nodded, before shutting the door.

You took a heating bag from your never-ending bag and decided to go to the school kitchen, hoping it would be open and whoever is in there would allow you to use some of the equipment.

When you got in, you noticed one of the janitors. Thankfully, she was a sweet old lady that loved you. When you told her what happened, she gave you an understanding glance before pouring hot water into the bag you had.

When you reached the tent, you noticed all of them sitting in a circle. They were whispering into each other, and it seemed as though Elisa was embarrassed and frustrated with what they were saying. When she saw you at the door, she sat up, “she's here.”

“Hey guys, I had to go to the kitchen for this.” You raised the bag, and delicately gave it to Elisa.

She placed it on her lower stomach, croaking a small ‘thank you’. She was worried if you heard their previous conversation, since it was about you. Fleur and Marie were making comments about how Elisa ignored them the whole time they were here. Even when they were watching a movie, Elisa was near you in some way. That's how she came and helped you out when you fell, the memory of her catching you is still vivid in her mind, your body felt so soft in her arms. 

“Let's play truth and dare!” Fleur jumped to the ‘trash’ corner and grabbed one of the empty bottles.

“Nope, I'm not playing.” Elisa moved away from the group, going to her ‘corner’.

“Oh come on, what's wrong with playing this?” Marie groaned loudly, going over to Elisa to pull her back into the circle.

You were still standing by Elisa's now empty spot, too shy to sit down. What if they didn't want you to play with them?

“I know what you guys wanna do, and I'm honestly not in the mood for all of this.” Elisa snapped, slapping Marie's hand away from her, “especially now.”

You turned the other way, pulling out some book from your bag to read. You felt shame all over you, it's obvious that she doesn't want to play with them because you're around. You didn't understand, she was attached to you all day, and now she doesn't want to play with you?

Marie smacked Elisa’s hand again, pointing discreetly at your discomfort. She leaned into Elisa and whispered, “you’re making her feel sad…she thinks you don't want her to play with us.”

“That’s not why I don’t wanna play.” Elisa whispered back, watching you as you read some romance novel in your hand.

“But that’s what she thinks,” she tapped Elisa’s shoulder before going to the middle of the tent with Fleur. The both of them are curious on what Elisa would do to make you join.

Elisa groaned internally, she has been too affectionate with you this whole day. Would you be grossed out by her admiration and gentleness?

She slowly walked up to you, “hey… do you wanna play with us?”

You glanced up to look at her, “umm…if you want me to play with you.”

Elisa’s heart broke when she heard your voice crack from insecurity. She didn’t mean for this to happen, she just didn’t want to scare you off from Fleur or Marie’s questions, “of course we want you to play with us…c’mon.” reached out her hand for you to grab, and she felt her muscles relax when you placed your soft hands on hers.

When you both sat in the circle, she was next to you. Marie smiled at you, happy that you accepted to play with them, and spinned the bottle. It awkwardly stopped when the cap was pointing at Fleur, “hmm…truth or dare?”

“Dare.” Fleur responded confidently, folding her arms on her chest.

“Okay…I dare you to like the first 5 posts of the first person that pops up on Facebook.”

Fleur glared at Marie, turning on her phone to see who would pop up, “Oh my God no…it’s my uncle. He’ll be so confused on why I’m liking posts from 2007.”

After many rounds of playing, Fleur’s bottle stopped at you. “Truth or dare, y/n?”

You paused for a second to think, considering the previous dares, you settled for truth.

“Umm…do you like Paul? We promise we won't tell.” 

“We're loners anyways we don't have anyone to tell us to.” Marie added, trying to make you more comfortable with them.

You remained silent for a few seconds, avoiding their eyes -especially Elisa's, “No, I don't like how he treats Elisa.”

Elisa perked up when she heard what you said. Flashbacks from prom night came crashing into her, 

“I don’t care about him.” You gulped the water and threw the paper cup in the trash.

“Did he hurt you?” She stepped closer to you as the loud music was making it difficult for her to hear you. But your flustered state made you step back, “no, he just said something rude about someone I care about…”

Was he talking about her? Did you care about her that much?

Elisa's cheeks were too pink to be ignored, Fleur smirked and decided to ask you another question, “so before Elisa was here, did you like him?”

You were still a little shaken at the question, “I don't think so…maybe a small crush I guess. I think I just missed our friendship more, since we knew each other since we were kids.”

They nodded, before agreeing that they should stop playing truth or dare and find another game. You were already exhausted, so you made it clear that you'll just head to sleep.

“But it's only 11,” Elisa pouted at what you said, disappointed that you won't get to spend time with her.

You were cleaning up around the sleeping bag to save up time from tomorrow morning. You peeped next to you and saw Elisa sitting there, “Hey again,”

She smiled at your voice and gave you a soft ‘hey’ back.

“I guess we should just talk before sleeping, yeah?” You teased her, feeling happy that you have company before sleeping.

“Yeah… I guess I wanted to just tell you that,” she paused, too lost in your eyes, making the conversation difficult for the both of you, “...you don't have to avoid Paul because of what he's doing to me.”

You frustratingly shook your head, “no Elisa. He's rude and annoying, I don't like people like that,” you looked down at your hands as you whispered the last part, “I just want a sweet, gentle…person who wouldn't mock or laugh at people”

Elisa nodded in understanding, before leaning down to meet your eyes, “Okay…I get it.”

You were grateful at the comfortable atmosphere you guys have, but a question was running in your mind as you bit your lip in thought, “Hey Elisa…I have a question,”

Elisa heard your timid voice, scooting closer to you to the point of your shoulders touching, “Yeah?”

“I know you like women,” you admitted quickly, looking at her eyes to see if there is any discomfort.

She grinned before replying, “one, that's not a question. That's a statement. Two, I think everyone knows that.”

You exhaled slowly when you realized she isn't uncomfortable with you knowing. And a slight blush came into your cheeks as you realized that she does like girls. Elisa likes girls! “umm… I didn't want to assume! After prom, I felt guilty for making you walk home alone so I went into your Facebook to check if you're okay and found a post that said something like… ‘I wish I knew how to talk to pretty girls.’... I guess I just connected the dots.”

Élisa's eyes widened, “wait…my Facebook account isn't private?!”

You quickly shook your head, mumbling a quick ‘nope’.

“Oh… I guess I have to change that. But oh well,” she shrugged on the last part.

Elisa can see you stare at her, and a feeling of panic started rising in her chest.

“Did your barber go on a holiday or are you trying a new haircut?” You joked, pointing at Elisa's longish hair now. It was covering her forehead and swooped to her right.

She laughed at what you said, raising her hair to make sure it looks neat, “I wanted to try something new.”

“It looks like Justin Bieber… you know the haircut. I don't know about the voice.”

She gave you a fake offended look, before replying, “well…do you think Justin is cute?”

You bit your lip in thought, “no…blonds aren't my thing.”

Elisa's eyes were locked with yours, she was starting to breathe heavily. Something in her is telling her that this conversation isn't just a random one, it means something. “What about brown haired people?”

Swallowing your spit before subtly biting your lip teasingly, “you mean brunettes?”

Elisa embarrassingly nodded, hoping that she doesn't look desperate waiting for your response.

“Brunettes are my type, yeah.” You gave her a grin, waiting for what she would do next.

“Good,” Elisa responded, involuntarily moving her hand to play with her hair again, “what about eyes?”

You blushed deeply, “I like brown eyes…soft and sweet to look at. Sometimes blue or green eyes are just too…sharp? Harsh? I don't know.”

Elisa hummed in agreement, turning her body slightly to glance at Marie and Fleur. She wanted to signal to them that maybe something is happening between you guys. But both of them were too busy playing Uno.

“Who do you find pretty, Elisa,” you breathed out, making Elisa turn to look at you in a flustered state, “what's your type in girls?”

Elisa clenched her jaw tightly while thinking. What was she supposed to say? That you're exactly her type? “I like brun- brunettes too. I like girls that are soft spoken and delicate, that care about others,” she was lost in thought as her fingers were playing with your bracelet, “long hair…I like it when they have long hair.”

You on the other hand were trying not to scream or run away. You didn't want to think highly of yourself, but that sounds like you right? You distractingly reached out for your long braid, waiting for Elisa to stop playing with her fingers and look at you.

When she didn't, you decided to ask her another question, “how did your parents react?...I mean if you came out.”

Elisa turned to look at you, “I didn't have to come out. I've always been this way,” she scratched her neck, “I mean… I never had long hair, always wanted to do the same thing as my brother. And I also had this obvious crush on a girl in my class when I was like 5 years old, they knew all about it.”

You nodded, “I can't imagine you with long hair.”

Elisa laughed, “I can't imagine myself with long hair, it would be a disaster.”

“So…are you bisexual, or a lesbian?”

Elisa eyebrows furrowed, how did you even know these terms? They weren't something you hear a lot in public, “I can't ever like a man…they're just ‘eh’.”

You giggled before scooting closer to her, “Okay.”

Elisa thought for a moment, “why do you like boys?”

You shrugged with a pout on your face, “I don't think it's a choice you know. But for now…I don't like any guy.” 

Elisa's body physically relaxed as she exhaled. Hearing that you don't like a guy right now made her feel hopeful, “Well…who from the class is the closest to your type?”

You rolled your eyes before crawling to the door and zipping it open, “I wonder what are they doing right now,” you stuck your head out, the cool wind making the small baby hair around your head fly. Elisa pulled the tent door more open to stick her head next to you too.

From the dim lights of the school and the moonlight, a slight shadow was seen from the ‘boys’ side of the pitch. It was clear the boys were wrestling, so Elisa made a joke, “wow, they're fucking already?”

You gasped loudly as you gaped at Elisa. She guiltily looked away from you with a quick, “sorry.”

You cackled before staring at the shadows again, “you know what? They're already shirtless.”

Her body relaxed near you and continued staring at them, “Ugh, they're so gross.”

“I don't even understand how they're shirtless in this weather.” You shivered at the thought of being naked in the weather.

Elisa turned to look at your thin t-shirt and whispered to you, “are you cold?”

You looked down at your shirt, “oh no…I'm fine.”

Elisa can read the lie in your face, she rolled her eyes as she started to remove the black jacket she was wearing over her plain gray shirt, “I can see you y/n,” she handed it to you, “it's January I don't know what you were thinking.”

You groaned in embarrassment, “they said this January would be hot! That's why they moved Camp Out to today…it was usually in March,” you wore her jacket, “it seems that I'm always cold around you.”

“And I'm always there to warm you up.”

You blushed as you shifted your body to face her, she smiled and did the same as now the both you were right in front of each other, “feeling cold isn't the only feeling I have around you.”

Elisa's eyes widened, she hopes that maybe you're referring to romantic feelings. She leaned in closer, looking deeply into your eyes, “what feeling?”

You sighed as you leaned in closer, “Elisa…you know it.”

Elisa smiled in satisfaction, internally thanking Mr.Nick for placing you in her camp group, “what? Feeling sad?”

You rolled your eyes, “no.”

Elisa sarcastically hummed in thought, getting closer to you as your foreheads were touching, “what feeling?”

You let out a huff, it's either now or never. Your eyes fluttered close and you leaned in to kiss her. Elisa barely felt your lips, it was obvious that you were nervous. But even with the softest touch, Elisa's eyes were automatically shut close as she exhaled from her nose.

You leaned back before muttering, “I hope that shows you what feeling.”

Elisa's smile was bright, she got closer to you before whispering, “I think I need more to clarify.”

She leaned in and captured your lips, this time it was a firm kiss. Elisa placed her palm on the back of your neck as she tried to deepen the kiss, but you shyly backed away.

Elisa would've felt offended if she hadn't seen your flustered state, she kept her hand on your neck as she waited for you to speak.

“Sorry…that was my first kiss, I got nervous.”

Elisa smiled in understandment, she knew the feeling too. Her reddish cheeks and shaky hand on your neck showed everyone around her that she was struggling to keep calm.

“It's my first kiss too.”

There was a moment of silence as the both of you were smiling at each other. You shakenly placed your hand at the back of her neck, softly tugging and playing with her hair.

Elisa's eyes closed as she sighed loudly, “I thought for the longest time that you didn't like me,”

Your brows furrowed in confusion, “what? How?”

“...you were talkative to everyone but never talked to me.”

Elisa's insecurity was shown from her timid voice. You frowned in disappointment, “I never meant it that way…I guess I was too shy around you.”

Elisa lightly cuddled her head onto your shoulder. She was too shy to face you after the kiss, “Do I make you nervous?”

You lightly slapped her head, “dude you literally just said that I talked to everyone except you.”

Elisa gasped as she fake-glared at you, “don't ‘dude’ me!”

You sarcastically rolled your eyes and pushed her shoulder away from you, “whatever, I’m going to sleep now,” you covered yourself under the sleeping bag and closed your eyes, before whispering “goodnight.”

Elisa had a beaming smile, she leaned closer to your silhouette and gave you a soft kiss on your forehead, “Goodnight y/n…I don’t think I can sleep after this but I’ll try.”

With a soft smile, you fell asleep almost immediately. It felt like a heavy weight just dropped from your shoulder. Everything is different now, and you knew it too. You didn’t know what would happen in the morning or how things would work out with her, but it didn’t matter right now. The feeling of Elisa’s lips was still lingering on yours, and if you licked your lips you’d be able to taste the vanilla chapstick she always uses.

Elisa remained sitting next to your sleeping bag, she was heaving quietly from the shock of everything. Is this a dream or a joke? The idea of you being gay and liking her is making her internally jump in joy. She turned to Marie and Fleur, but the both of them were gaping at her. Fleur had a smirk while Marie had a look of disgust.

Elisa speed-crawled to the both of them, grabbing the Uno cards from their hands and shuffling them, “did you guys see that?”

“Yes?!” Fleur exclaimed, she smacked Elisa’s arm in a joking manner, “I can’t believe she’s gay…and she kissed you!”

“Shhh… guys I’m panicking, what am I gonna do?”

“Take it slow, we have around 4 months before the summer…If you’re not so annoying, you guys can date and when we have the U-17 tournament, she can come there with us and be like Victoria Beckham…absolute WAG.” Marie made a gesture with her hands for the girls to see the vision. But Elisa slapped them away, “You’re thinking of that summer tournament while I’m thinking of our first date. Marie, you’re so fucking useless oh my God.”

“okay…Elisa calm down,” Fleur intervened, she glanced back at your sleeping silhouette, “Eli…not to ruin your mood, but who says she’s gay? This could be some sort of phase or an experiment for her since you’re the first masculine girl she probably ever saw.”

Elisa’s smile dropped at what Fleur said, “That can’t be…she kissed me first.”

“Okay? She might be confused with her emotions.”

Elisa sighed loudly as she dropped her face to her hands, rubbing her face roughly, “It’s okay…we’ll take it slow. And if she doesn’t like me that way, she can tell me.”

Fleur gave her a tight-lipped smile and pulled her in for a hug, “yeah, that would be great.”

[sunflowergraves]

Unpacking Will Solace’s Character

I’ve seen a lot of Will Solace hate since TSATS and it’s really starting to bother me. As a person that relates heavily to Will’s character, it’s upsetting to see him get bashed across the internet, especially considering we’ve never actually gotten to know his character. Personally, I feel like a lot of people are basing his character around headcanons and fanfiction (which I am guilty of) and were disappointed when he wasn’t who we saw him as. 

It doesn’t help that the only time we got to see Will’s POV it was short and through the eyes of others. He’s also not this big hero like all the characters in the PJO universe. His powers aren’t that strong, he’s not a prophecy child, and his talents are mediocre. Will is the most human demigod we’ve ever been introduced to. I can understand why his character doesn’t feel multi-dimensional compared to everyone else, but in my opinion, he was fleshed out very well. 

Yes, there are a few things I was disappointed by. I wish they talked about Will’s past more and his grief over his dead siblings. I wanted him to have his own weapon, even if it was an old bow he never used or a lyre like Apollo used in TOA. But I will always love that they changed him from the calm, collected counselor healer to an anxious, depressed, self-doubting person because it fits him so well. How could he not feel these things after losing friends and family? After being abandoned by everyone around him? Or being forced to take on the caretaker role of the entire camp because he was the only one left? 

I’m going to continue this down below, so if you don’t want major spoilers for TSATS, don’t continue reading. Also this is long as hell in case you just want to skim. 

Every time Will was mentioned in the books, it was from someone else’s POV and it was a few lines at best. 

Will has always been described as the cool, relaxed, go-with-the-flow type of guy. He was the person with a level head and knew exactly what to do. But guess what? Underneath that cool exterior was an anxiety riddled people pleaser who threw himself at every problem because that’s what he was told to do. The Apollo cabin was always the head medic team. After Lee and Michael died, Will was basically thrust into that position of power. He was trusted to take care of his younger siblings, trusted to take care of the entire camp. If he let them down, it was going to cost lives. Of course he’s going to be scared and nervous, but he can’t show that. Would you want a doctor with shaky hands and sweat running down their neck? Would you want to be taken care of by a person who doubted and second guessed themselves out in the open? 

As someone who was given a lot of responsibly and forced to grow up at a young age, I completely understand this. You want to try to make everything better for others around you, you get scared when you fuck up, and you HATE when people can’t rely on you. That’s why you will never show how scared you are to fuck up. You will never let people get inside your head because if they can’t rely on you, what good are you? Breaking out of the role that everyone else gave you because they trusted you is scary and hard. 

Nico is probably the only person who knows what Will really thinks. Will trusts Nico with his anxiety and overthinking because he’s comfortable enough around him to show that side. He knows he doesn’t have to Mr. Hero in front of Nico and that’s such a precious and important bond to make with someone. 

Will was valid for being whiny and irritated for most of the book. 

First, Will has ANXIETY. If you don’t know what it’s like to live with anxiety, count yourself lucky. It feels like your thoughts are attacking you constantly. It’s like an uphill battle between rational thought and absolute chaos. I can’t get in my car without thinking of all the ways I could die before I buckle my seatbelt. Imagine going to SuperHell for the first time in your life! Not only that, but people told Will constantly that as a child of Apollo he was basically fucked. The three strongest demigods that made it back almost went insane! Of course Will is going to be upset, irrational, irritated, and uncomfortable. 

In TOA, he voiced several times how he thought it was a bad idea and that he really didn’t like it. This is not a new thing for Will’s character at all. For him to be willing to cross a line he had made concrete shows that he loves and cares for Nico. But that shouldn’t mean he isn’t allowed to be uncomfortable. 

Second, for anyone saying he could have stayed at camp instead of going has never sacrificed their comfort for someone else. There are so many instances in my life where I went way out of my comfort zone because I knew my friends/family wanted me there. Did I complain? Hell yes. Did I still do it? Hell yes! If Will had said, “Nico, I can’t do this and I refuse to at least try,” I would have lost so much respect for his character. Instead he sucked it up, even when he was already practically dying before they got there. 

Three, Will was worried about Nico. He’s never experienced Tartarus, he’s never been to the Underworld. While Will has definitely faced his share of demons, he’s never stood in Nico’s shoes. So when his boyfriend is having vivid nightmares and hearing voices, he’s going to try and rationalize it for Nico because that’s what he has done his entire life. Will is the “healer.” He is supposed to fix things, not let them traipse off to hell like it’s a vacation spot. 

Four, this is a 15 year old. Fuck, even now at the ripe ole age of 20, I’d still be shaking in my boots terrified at the thought of going somewhere that is practically a jailhouse for the worst creatures in creation. Will has little to no experience on the field (He ran from six guards without even trying to pull out a weapon. The worst thing he’s ever said to his enemies was “anemic loser” and didn’t even want to kill Octavian. Every battle before that he had an older sibling to look up to and care for him). So yeah, I’d just be a tad bit nervous and annoying.  

Will asking Persephone how to love someone from the Underworld was honest and raw. 

This scene broke me in ways I can’t even describe because of how real it felt. If you’ve ever been in a deep and caring relationship (friendship counts) you should understand. Like Persephone said, love is something you choose and it’s complicated and messy even for people who were practically made for each other. For Will to ask how to love someone from the Underworld shows that he is actively choosing to understand and love Nico. 

I get that most people interpret Will’s lines as “How do you love someone so filled with death?” but really he’s asking how do you love someone who acts like he doesn’t want to be loved? How do you love someone that pulls away from your light no matter how desperately you try to give it them? How do you love someone who hides parts of themselves from you? 

Will is a healer, he fixes things. It’s not until this scene that Will realizes the only thing Will needs to fix is his perspective on Nico. That darkness and hurt and trauma is okay. It’s also a scene where Will realizes he doesn’t have to force down his own trauma anymore. 

Will loves Nico and it’s so obvious he scared to lose him. He thinks he’s weak and broken and incapable of helping Nico escape his trauma. His insecurities shadow him and he’s confused about how to navigate this relationship because he thinks he needs to be the leader. How can he lead if Nico won’t let him? How can he help when he doesn’t know how? Persephone’s scene was Will’s chance of finding guidance from someone who could understand exactly what he’s thinking

People in their late 40′s still can’t get relationships down. Why are we pushing unrealistic relationship ideations on a 15 year old who doesn’t even know who he is yet?

Will was not useless. 

Sorry that the relationship duo isn’t Mr. Badass and Mr. Badass 2.0. Will not being a fighter is refreshing to see because honestly I’m quite tired of seeing badass couples in every book/movie. Not everyone is strong and powerful and super awesome. Will is a nerd that likes healing people. Why isn’t that enough? 

“He’s described as having muscles,” “He’s a field/combat medic,” “He fought in the wars,” “He carries people all the time,” “He trains with the Apollo cabin.” Okay and? I was raised to work hard and protect myself. I work out and I know how to use a bow and knife. Does that mean I want to? No. 

I’d also like to point out that almost everyone in camp is described as having muscles. You kind of have to when your life motto is Try not to die or get eaten. Also they train on lava walls, jump eight foot pits, and weapons. I get a little bit of muscle going on my silly little walks, I’d be fucking jacked if I was actively training. 

Second, Will has never once been described fighting monsters/demigods. I don’t doubt that he’s had a few encounters, but the boy practically specializes in RUNNING AWAY. He’s a feral little animal that finds injured demigods and sprints them away to the medic center while occasionally bashing monster heads in. He’s strong because he needs to be, not because he wants to be. Strength also doesn’t equal battle prowess. 

Not to mention, he hates killing! He didn’t want to kill Octavian despite Octavian being the actual worst. He runs away as a distraction even though he had weapons on him. He got upset when Nico threw Sherman Yang out of the chariot in TOA. Monsters are different, but monsters are also scary. Will is terrified of demon pigeons, you really think he’s willingly gonna go one-on-one with anything bigger than his pinky? 

I’ll admit, I hated that he didn’t have a weapon in Tartarus. I thought it was really stupid and out-of-character because my anxious ass would have loaded up. Still, it was kind of funny when they described Will bashing rocks over monster’s heads during their fight with Nyx. 

My final point for this: Will was Nico’s support system and that was the point. Will knew he wasn’t going to throw hands with anyone. He went because he knew Nico needed him even when Nico told him to stay. Will was going to trek through SuperHell with the love of his life and hold his hand to remind him that he was loved. Will wanted Nico to know that he’d literally go to Hell and back for him and that’s what mattered. 

Nico didn’t ask Will to be the Hero. Nico states several times that the reason he loves Will is because he wants to heal and he’s so stubborn to find the good in everything. And that’s exactly what Will did. He offered support, care, and reminders. He was going to understand and love Nico, even through the darkest parts of his life. 

Will is one of the best support systems in a PJO couple duo. 

It makes me incredibly sad to see people call Will toxic when he gave his entire life to support Nico. I won’t deny that he complained a lot and said hurtful things and that he occasionally belittles Nico’s feelings. But Will didn’t know he was doing those things. He thought he was helping Nico navigate his PTSD. How is someone who is still emotionally developing his own character supposed to know how to take care of someone else’s? 

Will also clearly showed love and affection towards Nico. He met all his friends and was polite to them even when they looked scary. Will risked his life several times before they got to Tartarus and still insisted on continuing. Built a Minecraft house for his boyfriend and left him a KitKat bar because he knew he would feel fatigued (also Will brought KitKat bars, meaning he was already thinking of Nico’s health beforehand). He tried to be useful by scouting ahead because he felt like he was being a burden on Nico. He kissed him, called him silly nicknames, hugged him, respected his boundaries (asking to hold him instead of trying to comfort him immediately), and oh yeah, went to Tartarus when he was obviously quaking in his flipflops. 

He also helped Bob when he had no idea who/what he was, comforted Nico when he was beginning to lose hope, acknowledged his mistakes and admitted he needed to try harder, realized he didn’t need to fix Nico and that his boyfriend was perfect the way he was, and learned that Nico wasn’t going to leave him. 

Love is complicated. Love is something you choose. And Will chooses to love Nico. Also for everyone saying a year is long enough to learn/realize these problems already and have them solved, you need to take the rose tinted glasses off. I’ve been with my partner for almost four years, and I’m still learning things about our relationship. We argue, we don’t always meet eye-to-eye. Our own trauma and experiences surface and it gets difficult. But do we just call it quits and throw everything into the trash? No. We talk, we problem-solve, we come back and try to understand each other even if we don’t know how to do that. A year is nothing. A year is puppy love and excitement. It’s like your favorite movie on repeat. All the problems are ignored because you don’t want to see them yet. 

So for a pair of 15 year old's who just came to terms with their sexuality, I think that they are doing pretty damn good at this love thing. 

Anyway, that’s all I really wanted to say. Even though we’ve had Will for years, we’ve never gotten to know his true character until now. It’s raw and weird and doesn’t fit the mold of Will Solace, son of Apollo we all created him to be. You can still hate his character or whatever, I’m not going to try to change your mind. But don’t hate on everyone else who loves him and loves this book. 

[vampykween]

cannot stop thinking about miscommunication between reader and ghost 🤭

like imagine being such a people pleaser for ghost that he gets mad at you for doing it but doesn’t tell you that he’s mad because he hates seeing you slowly wear out for him 🤭

honey <3 i could kiss ur little brain omg! the way this had me typing non-stop as soon as i got out of class!!! also this hits so hard for me because i am exactly this type of person yikes! and im sorry because i think i kinda derailed this from ur original idea, oops! hope you enjoy anyway <3

there was a nervous out growing in your stomach, something was wrong and you weren’t sure what. 

simon’s usually warm demeanor towards you had been replaced by the hardness of his moniker ‘ghost’. he was acting stand offish, barely giving you anything besides one-word answers, and sigh deeply at you when you tried to pry. you suddenly felt sick to your stomach, had you not been so good to simon, perfected yourself to be the very best for him? if he didn't love you, then who ever would?

~ 

it was unbearably painful to watch you tear yourself to shreds trying to impress simon. he knew how you were, how you wanted so badly to be the best for everyone. but somehow you were never able to just be the best for yourself. over the year that simon has known you, he has watched you hallow out into the shell of the person you once were, or the person you could actually be had you not tried so hard to be his best little lap dog. 

there was a war raging in his mind, how could you do this to yourself. strip yourself of the soul that made him fall in love with you, to what? be perfect for a man as defiled and beaten down by life as him. 

~ 

after a dragging day of tedious paperwork and training sessions, simon was more than ready than to sink into your embrace. perhaps cuddle up and rewatch love,actually for the millionth time - a favorite of yours. but when he shed his boots by the door he was confused as you usually would trot down the stairs by now to greet him. maybe you were napping? he called out your name and when was met with resounding silence his heart began to race; had the day finally come? had his gruesome nightmares finally become his reality? 

he reached the door to your shared bedroom and frantically threw open the door and his heart plummeted momentarily, until he picked up on the faint sound of your crying behind the bathroom door. 

“love? are you okay?” the lights were off and when he tried the doorknob it was locked. what could’ve possibly happened in the hours he was gone to make you lock yourself away from him? 

“darlin’ please just open the door, i’m worried ‘bout you,” your boyfriend pleaded sadly. 

you let out a shaky huff and managed to unlock the door from where you were crouched down near the vanity. he moved towards you instantly, only able to make out the tear stains on your face and the redness of your eyes from the subtle light pouring in from the bedroom. you turn away from him, feeling unnerved by his concerning gaze. 

“please…don’t look at me, just go away,” you mumbled weakly. you hated him seeing you like this: pathetic and emotional. if he gave you just a minute more alone you could compose yourself and go back to being his perfectly poised girlfriend. 

“‘m not gonna leave, there’s clearly something’ goin on with you baby.” 

the thickness of his accent always strengthens when he’s soft with you as if he’s reaching deep into his soul and pulling from a time when he was sweetest; a young little boy from manchester, accent think and yearning for love. you could feel your throat constricting and your eyes pooling with more fat tears, and suddenly the dam bursts and you wail into his chest. 

“please- please don’t leave me, i promise i’ll be better. i’ll do anything, please i can’t-,” you’re cut off by a deep hiccup and simon grasping your face in his hands- not painfully but commanding you to look into his eyes. 

“love, what- why do you think i would leave you? and be better? what are you on, what would you need to be better about?” 

you stare at him with wide eyes, puzzled by his response. you had been expecting him to tell you this was it, that he was finally done with putting up with someone who would never be good enough for him. 

“you’ve been so distant with me lately. i thought i wasn’t being good enough for you. that i wasn’t good enough for you. im trying so hard to be better, be different, be the best for you and i’m sorry-“ 

“stop, oh my god, stop it please.” the older man effectively halts your self deprecating monologue. “it hurts me, that you think you wouldn’t ever be enough for me when you’re everything i’m not even sure how i even deserve. and i’ll admit i’ve been distant, but only cause i’m frustrated at you. not because i don’t love you, but because i do and everyday i watch you carve out pieces of yourself in order to please me. and love,” he wipes at the tears steadily flowing down your cheeks and smooths down your hair. “i  hate seeing you rid yourself of everything i love about you, to turn yourself into something i never asked you to be.” 

you’re taken aback by your boyfriend’s response. it never occurred to you that he might just love you for who you are, that you didn’t need to change in order for him to want you around. maybe you feel this way because your past partners always ‘loved’ you best when you were the exact copy of their mothers or whatever completely unattainable standards they had. maybe you’re sat sobbing in your boyfriend’s arms because you couldn’t read his emotions well and your mother was a minefield to be around and you never knew what to anticipate. but you also know that despite your shitty past and his, you have someone looking you in the eyes and saying ‘there’s nothing i want more than you as you are’. 

you wipe at your face, as if you could wipe away the pain of insurmountable self-hatred and trauma. “okay, i’m okay. so, you do still love me? because i swear simon i can do whatever you ask of me, i just can’t- i just can’t bear for you to not love me.” despite his earlier words you’re still grappling with the need to please him, to be so good he has no choice but to love you forever and to never leave you. 

“my love, i loved you yesterday, today, and will love you every day for the rest of my life. i can’t let you kill yourself, just to make me happy. in fact, it doesn’t make me happy at all. i love you for who you are, and that’s not gonna change, yeah?” 

you know that if you try to speak, you’ll try to fight him on this, so instead you nod your head fervently until he pulls you until a bruising kiss, that momentarily melts away all your worries. 

[l33bang24]

OMG It’s You…(Part 8)

YouTube!Fem reader x Stray Kids

Summary: Y/N’s YouTube channel is taking off after her reactions to Stray Kids MV God’s Menu. Now she’s making videos nonstop along with working a full time job. What would happen if she got offered a job of a lifetime and met the boys of her succession?

⚠️Warnings⚠️: reader feeling down, crying, people pleaser, (orange is Korean being spoken)

🏷: @laylasbunbunny @weirdowithaphone @silverstarburst @jusanontstuff @anxiousskylar @drewsandsebastianswife @amararosesblog @niaalove (Taglist open)

Series Masterlist

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Previously on OMG It's You…

Third Person POV

Y/N never imagined that she would be summoned to the conference room at her workplace, especially by unfamiliar individuals not from the United States. Nevertheless, they were seated on one side of the table, while Y/N found herself on the other, facing a stack of papers with the word "CONTRACT" emblazoned across the top.

“Are you interested in collaborating with us?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Y/N’s POV

I have also been content with working in the evenings as I am a natural night owl. I also inherited punctuality from my father and typically arrive at work at least an hour early to have time to eat and fully wake up before my shift. Although I don't love my job, I am grateful for it as I have been in worse situations previously.

As I was about to start my shift, my boss sent me a text asking me to call immediately. I quickly dialed the number and waited anxiously as it rang. When my boss finally answered, they informed me that I was needed in the conference room in Building 1 right away. My mind raced as I wondered if I had done something wrong. I couldn't think of anything that would have led to this sudden summons.

I can feel my anxiety starting to creep in. “I'm not aware of what’s going on, Miss Y/L/N. I’ve just been told to inform you to come up here. It’s the conference room facing the front of the building.” I nod, but then realize they can’t see me. “Okay, I’ll be up there shortly.”

As we bid our farewells, my body starts to rebel. My heart races, my head throbs, and my hands tremble. I grab my belongings, preparing for the worst – getting fired. The short ride to Building 1 feels like an eternity as I battle my escalating anxiety. Upon parking, I make my way to the main entrance. Climbing the stairs, I unexpectedly encounter our CEO at the top. If my anxiety was bad before, it's now off the charts. I attempt to calm my racing heart, but it feels like it's about to burst out of my chest.

“Good Afternoon Miss Y/N," she said with a bright smile. I did my best to smile back, but my nerves were evident. "I'm sorry to call you up here, but there are some people who would like to talk to you." I froze up again, but this time for a completely different reason. "So then I'm not getting fired?”

"Oh heavens no! You're one of our top employees!" I let out a breath I was holding, then I remembered what she had just said. "Wait, who's here to see me?" She beamed and said, "Why don't you go see for yourself? It's the last door to your left. Take your time. Your boss knows where you are. Just let them know when you're done." I thanked her and took a few deep breaths. ‘I wasn't getting fired, but who could be waiting for me?’

As I walked to the door and opened it, I was greeted by a group of people I had never met before. To my surprise, they were all from Korea. I flashed a smile and said hello, and they returned the gesture, acknowledging my presence. After introducing themselves, I took a seat at the opposite end of the table.

"I'm sure you're curious about why we've come to see you." I chuckle softly. “I couldn't help but feel like I was getting fired today," I admitted. "We're sorry for the inconvenience. We came earlier this morning, but we were told you didn't start until later, so we had to leave and come back.” one of the ladies added.

“It's alright. I never imagined someone would come looking for me at my workplace.”

“I'm pretty sure you got a call from us a few weeks back," I nodded. "Yeah, I did. I did send an email in response later, but with work and the channel taking up most of my time, I just haven't had the chance to get back to you.”

“The channel is the reason why we're here.” I look to them in confusion. “In South Korea, you are one of the most popular channels. We have a diagram to show you.” They gave me a diagram that shows all the most watched people and/or channels in South Korea and I'm within the Top 5. Looking to the side, I see all the names of the people who are also listed along with the dates of when this was recorded.

“We've been keeping an eye on your channel for a while, and we're enjoying your content. Have you ever calculated how much you typically earn from your videos?" I pause and meet the man's gaze. "It all depends on the views I get. It can range from $150 to $500 per day and $5,000 to $9,000 per month. It varies based on the video.”

“How much are you pulling in at this job?”

"This job has the potential to bring in (your weekly earnings/twice a week) before taxes, and around (your weekly earnings/twice a week) after taxes. Any overtime you put in could really boost those numbers!" He nods in agreement and shifts his gaze to a stack of papers sitting on the table.

The conversation took an unexpected turn as the women across the table revealed their intentions. "We're here to offer you a job with us," one of them stated. I couldn't hide my surprise, "You want me to work for you?" The room filled with laughter as one of the ladies replied, "Yes, we would like you to work for us. We know it may seem surprising to you, but to us, it's quite simple. You see, there are multiple companies, including Music Industries like JYPE, who are interested in hiring you. That diagram we have isn't just to tell you that the majority of your viewers are in South Korea. It's to show you how popular you are in South Korea. In a sense, you could be just as popular as K-pop idols, if not more."

As I heard those words, I felt like my head was about to explode. The thought of being as popular as K-pop idols seemed too far-fetched to be true. However, as I glanced back at the diagram, a part of me started to see how it could make sense. After all, numbers don't lie. When I looked up again, I noticed that everyone around me had gentle smiles on their faces.

“So, what exactly are you hiring me for?” The gentleman to the far left speaks up. “That’s where I come in,” he begins. He proceeds to outline their proposal to bring me on board as a full-time content creator. The position would require me to relocate to South Korea and would come with a dedicated space for shooting videos. This would be a significant upgrade compared to the limited space I currently have in my room. Additionally, they offered me a part-time editing role when I'm not creating new content. Both positions came with generous compensation, but the amount they were willing to pay for my videos was almost beyond belief.

"Wait, $9,000 to $15,000 per video?!" I couldn't believe what I was hearing. My eyes must have nearly popped out of my head. Typically, a video with 150,000 views a day would earn around $620 to $1,035. On top of that, they were offering to pay me for each video, in addition to my regular YouTube earnings. It was hard to wrap my head around why they would offer so much. Finally, I couldn't hold it in any longer, and I asked the one question that had been consuming my thoughts all along.

“Why does it feel like everyone is trying to fight over me in some way? I mean, take a look at this diagram." *Showing them the diagram* "I get that I'm supposedly very well known over there, but why pay someone so much for videos that never get paid that much?”

The gentleman positioned in the center let out a small sigh before responding. "Due to your widespread popularity, everyone desires to have you working for them. It's a way of demonstrating that 'My company has become even more popular now that I have y/c/n working with me.' That's essentially what it signifies."

"So, essentially, that's your intention here. You want to have me under your company name to help your business expand." They all nod, and I turn my gaze to the left. "But what guarantee do I have that another company won't come along and offer me a better opportunity? What about that?" Before they can reply, I speak up again.

“Listen, I appreciate the offer, but I won't engage in this if it's solely about gaining popularity. I value my worth as a human being and refuse to be objectified or treated as a trophy. If I decide to pursue this, it will be on my terms. I'll only associate with a company that respects me as an individual, values my content creation, and allows me to work on my terms. I might consider additional projects in my spare time, but my integrity as a content creator mustn't be exploited. I seek a professional partnership without the need for flaunting or seeking fame.”

“We are committed to supporting your growth. Rather than simply showcasing you, we want to nurture your potential within our company. Your creativity and dedication could lead you to a producer role here. If necessary, we are open to adjusting the contract terms to better suit your needs. We envision a promising future for you, not only within our company but also in your personal life.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Four days have passed, and here I am at my grandparent's house with most of my immediate family. We're gathered around, discussing the contract I've been revising with the company. They've been cooperative, working with me to include what I want and exclude what I don't want in the contract.

The updated contract sparked a lively discussion, or rather a heated debate, among my family members. Initially, they were all thrilled when I shared the news. Well, almost all of them. The mood quickly soured when I mentioned that I would have to move to South Korea.

“Why do you need to move? Can't you just remain here?”

“Why are they offering her such generous compensation?”

“It's likely a ploy to entice her into joining their team.”

“Have you considered the potential risk of experiencing a similar episode to your last one at WD? You've never had the experience of living independently, and the one time you did, you struggled to fulfill your financial obligations.”

“How are you planning to support yourself? Will the income be enough to cover your expenses?”

I excused myself and made my way to the back porch, hoping for a moment of peace. As I sank into the couch, I couldn't shake off the feeling that things were spiraling out of control. Just a few days ago, I had left the conference room on cloud nine, but now everything seemed to be falling apart.

It's tough to admit, but I've always been a people pleaser. I've spent my life doing what others thought was best for me, even when it made me unhappy. When I finally mustered the courage to pursue my passion and start my own channel, my family didn't support me. It was disheartening, and almost made me give up before I even started. However, with the encouragement of a few close friends, I found the strength to pursue my dreams. And now, I'm proud of how far I've come.

As I reflected on their questions and concerns, I found myself contemplating aspects that hadn't crossed my mind, such as the possibility of this opportunity being a scam. My once-envisioned dream job now seemed to be losing its luster. Just as my thoughts started to spiral, a familiar figure emerged to join me outside. I desperately needed to avoid any further negative discussions about the situation. Surprisingly, it was my stepmother (or someone equally close to me). Despite not being my biological mother, she has consistently been my pillar of support when others have fallen short.

“Hey there, are you holding up okay?" I give a small nod. "I'm hanging in there, I guess. I get why they're worried about this, but every time I start feeling a little hopeful, they shoot it down. I even spoke to the company about delaying my relocation, but they refuse to listen. It's like they don't hear me at all." I pause, looking at her, struggling to hold back tears. "Just once, I wish they could be happy for me. I'm finally making progress in my life, and I just want their support, not their doubts.”

As tears streamed down my face, my stepmom did her best to wipe them away. She pulled me close, and it was as if all the emotions I had held in for so long came rushing out. After I finally composed myself, she gently pulled away and looked at me with concern.

"There's absolutely nothing wrong with you Y/N. You know your grandparents and your dad adore you and would do anything to see you happy. I've always encouraged you to pursue your dreams and not let anyone hold you back. I still stand by that. I understand they may not be thrilled about you moving away, but if it means living the life you've always envisioned, then go for it. You know we'll always be in your corner, no matter what. Our collective wish is for you to find genuine happiness. Don't let their words steal your joy, okay?" With a nod, I couldn't help but smile a little brighter.

When we returned inside, everything had calmed down. They expressed their happiness for me and their concern about me being so far away. My stepmom even seemed to have said something to them before she emerged, as she winked at me when I turned to her.

I thought long and hard about it, but in the end, I took the leap and reached out to the company, letting them know I was ready to dive in. Within a week, I had the contract in hand, and soon after, I was receiving payment for the videos I'd already uploaded. Two weeks later, I handed in my notice at my job and officially transitioned to working full-time from home. I made it clear that I wanted to secure a place in South Korea near the company before making the final move, ensuring all my belongings were shipped across the seas.

In just one month, I'll be making the official move to South Korea! I couldn't be more thrilled about this incredible opportunity!

[imagines-to-quench-thirst]

Ducan "Donut" Vizla🍩

Disclaimer: stories are fictitious and should not be taken literally, the behavior is entirely imaginative and the content may be inappropriate

Updated & repaired: 16/07/2023 (if a story won't load or something else, please message me and let me know)

MAIN MASTERLIST

JOIN US TODAY. BE A DUNCAN HOE!

Fluff🌺  Angst 🌩️ Smut❤️‍🔥

5/7 STORIES

5 Types Of Kisses🌺

MY HEADCANONS W/ OTHER CHARACTERS:

Speak In Flowers 🌺 Flowers speak their own words and show their actions. And your man loves to speak it out loud.

Visiting Your Hometown 🌺 how would your boy act when you drag him along to your hometown

Helping You To Accept Your Stretch Marks 🌺your boy helps you accept your beautiful stretch marks as they are...pure perfection

Explaining To Your Man Kdramas🌺I (V) wrote small drabbles that paired my favorite men and dramas that I absolutely love

Dating A Tattoo Artist 🌺 being a tattoo artist and your boyfriend being part of it

When Tough Times Occur 🌺Life itself can be a pain and with its obstacles, it can seem impossible to overcome it but that’s what makes us stronger as people.

Someone Rubs You The Wrong Way With... 🌺 how would your man protect you when someone doesn’t mind your business

Having A Shower ❤️‍🔥having a shower with your man sounds like heaven right?!

One Thing He Loves About You (Physically Or Mentally)🌺 the title spoils the ending a bit

No Nut November ❤️‍🔥in the glory of No Nut November, you make a bet with your liver saying if they fail you cuff them and use them to your liking but if you lose they get to fulfil one of their fantasies. And you are keen on it to make them lose, by any means.

ASKS

My Saviour 🌺protective! Duncan Vizla? Maybe they capture her and he’s ready to wreak havoc upon them? Hurt/comfort with a bit of makeup smut?

Taking Off Their S/O's Makeup 🌺 (Could you do Duncan vizla,the joker and whoever else you’d like.)taking off their s/o makeup after they come from a nightout because they are to drunk to do it themselves 💛

Stressed Student 🌺 can I request Duncan Vizla, the Joker, Victor Creed and what would they do if they see their s/o down because they're stressed due exams?

You Are My Protector 🌺 do you think he’d appreciate someone being gentle with him and spoiling him with compliments? I just imagine him getting a praise kink whenever his woman kisses his scars 😚💗

Worship Me 🌺 What about Duncan doing some exhausting teasing foreplay the whole day before having sex?😍😍

Kicking in the process... 🌺 Duncan Vizla x Pregnant Reader

October Drive ❤️‍🔥I think daddy Duncan deserves some smut, would you be an angel you are and write something, maybe some August heat car ride or smth!

Telling Him You Are A Virgin ❤️‍🔥 Ok here me out 😂 virgin X Duncan, she constantly flirts with him but doesn’t want a one night stand with him. It shocks him when she says she’s a virgin and only does long term

White Shorts VS. Duncan Vizla ❤️‍🔥Innocent girl + short shorts = very pent up Duncan = very rough sex

Period Sex ❤️‍🔥What do you think about Duncan smut while his girl is on period? I bet he's up to this shit👀👀

Duncan Pleaser ❤️‍🔥 Omg give us more swearing daddy Duncan pleasing his woman😍😍

Outdoor Quickie ❤️‍🔥hi there! I've come up with the idea for Duncan smut, IDK if you like it, but I give it a try🔞🔞how bout some outdoor quickie in winter? IDK if it's even possible in real life, but still! I very much appreciate all your imagines! you're doing great👍👍

Christmas Decorations 🌺 now here’s a little concept (you don’t have to write I just want to share lol) She is super excited for Christmas like REALLY excited she’s all over the house with decorations and at first when she asks him to help her he says no but I mean he can’t say no to her puppy eyes so he caves and they spend the whole afternoon decorating the house ✨💜✨💜✨

I Ain't No Snitch 🌺❤️‍🔥 can you imagine if one day she is kidnapped in order to get to Duncan so he has to find her and everything and when he finds her she’s all scared and crying so he gets all soft and protective 😭😭😭😭😭😭

No Bra ❤️‍🔥 some good old Duncan Vizla smut

Nightly Adventures ❤️‍🔥Lemme ask for some duncan vizla smut, daddy kink, dirty talk and pure filth? I feel like the character is underrated and has lots of potential!

Jingle My Balls ❤️‍🔥 How about some good ol' sexy time with Duncan Vizla! Ohhhhh maybe a holiday theme?? Like the reader wore idk a santa dress/elf dress and Duncan decides to jingle their bells??? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ya catchin my drift chief?? Im sorry this was cheesy

Daddy Kink Headcanon ❤️‍🔥 I was wondering if u could possibly do some Duncan Vizla with daddy kink (smut) headcaons plz it’s ok if u can’t tho 👌

Wedding Risks ❤️‍🔥 may i ask for more of it, maybe some inappropriate place/timing smut or public place or as you wish, cause it gives life :3

Brave 🌩️🌺 I have a request for Duncan! Maybe one of his old enemies gets ahold of his SO and uses her to lure him into a trap and all the angst but with a happy ending! I love your writing so much!! 💕💕💕

Departure ❤️‍🔥How bout some age gap angsty smutty fic w\Duncan Vizla? Like grey hair and wrinkles and stuff, cause kinks are kinks, you know🔥🔥🔥

First Timers ❤️‍🔥 May I request some Duncan smut, like first meeting him\first date stuff... like why wait for 2nd date when you're all head over heels :3

The Right Way To Wake Up ❤️‍🔥 How about some middle of the night/early morning wake up sex w/Mr Duncan Vizla💦💦

Road Trip ❤️‍🔥what about some road/car sex with Duncan?

Foreplay ❤️‍🔥May I request some NSFW Duncan headcanons like putting a condom on/undressing/arousing words, etc., stuff like that!

Mustache Ride I feel like Duncan's mustache gently massaging skin\clit while giving oral must be headcanon😍😍

Girl 🌺 What Would Duncan Vizla Think of having a chubby girlfriend?

Hand+Job ❤️‍🔥May I ask for Duncan receiving handjob or smth without penetration😍😍

Kisses Of Jealously ❤️‍🔥Thank you for all the Duncan fics, they are perfect😍 Let me request some steamy period smut with Duncan

Bathtub Mishaps ❤️‍🔥May I request some bathroom/bathtub Duncan Vizla smut? It should we very wet out there if you know what i mean💦💦

Leading Praise❤️‍🔥

Sinful Words What would you say about Duncan being daddy he is and talking dirty with his lover😈😈

Duncan Going To Town❤️‍🔥

NSFW Alphabet (VER 1)❤️‍🔥

NSFW Alphabet (VER2)❤️‍🔥

First Time Having Sex❤️‍🔥

Nightly Adventures ❤️‍🔥Lemme ask for some Duncan Vizla smut, daddy kink, dirty talk and pure filth? I feel like the character is underrated and has lots of potential!

Little Miss ❤️‍🔥

Fitting Punishment ❤️‍🔥

Comparisons ❤️‍🔥

Chubby!SO 🌺What Would Duncan Vizla Think of having a chubby girlfriend?

DRABBLES FROM MY🧠

Hands To Kiss🌺

Mother, Meet Duncan Vizla 🌺your mom meets your boyfriend

Jealousy Makes Him Silent 🌺

Duncan Saving You🌺

Duncan Learning Your Native Language🌺

Mornings With Duncan Vizla🌺

Making Out ❤️‍🔥

Dating Duncan Vizla🌺

First BJ❤️‍🔥

Tease ❤️‍🔥

Over The Edge ❤️‍🔥

Breathe 🌺Song fic- Breathe by Mako

DIFFERENT AUs

Professor Vizla (Professor!AU)❤️‍🔥Could you write a professor Duncan Vizla x reader smut... ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) And there is an age gap between them... Something like that... 🙈🙈🙈

Sins Of Ours (Priest!AU)❤️‍🔥 For Anon who requested it: I hope you like it, I have seen the trailer you suggested but I just changed the name because I’m a lazy bitch and haven’t found the name of the character Mads played so I changed it to Duncan. I hope that’s okay. 

SHORT IMAGINE

Duncan Seeing You After A Long Time🌩️

Seeing Duncan’s Old Videos Of Him🌺

Waking Up Next To Duncan Vizla🌺

Duncan Coming To Your Home Needing Help🌺

[kvrokasaa]

Depression Arc

cw: depression, the use of the word hate a lot, reader is basically a people pleaser in this, comfort(?), 1.0k words.

You hate being labeled as a burden. You hate it so much. But you have no way to express this hatred to anyone because if you do they’ll ask how you’re a burden. Then you’ll go into a rant and slowly you’ll begin to realize that this person who you felt so comfortable sharing anything with, is losing interest and you’re becoming a burden.

You hate being labeled as a burden, but you’ve never been labeled as a burden. Only your mind has called you a burden. So maybe, maybe the sighs, the eyes darting anywhere but to yours, and the interruptions–maybe they’re not viewing you as a burden.

But what if they are?

So, that’s one of the many reasons why you stick to yourself. Sure, you let a few words of how you’re feeling slip here and there. But you never allow yourself to rant to anyone, even if this person told you that they want you to confide in them. You don’t want to confide in them.

It took you over seven years to confide in your therapist, why would you confide in someone who’s not being paid to listen to you?

You keep your head down at school, you never purposefully bring attention to yourself. 

You hate being called annoying. It’s one of your worst fears. You hate hearing the sighs, you hate seeing people turn their heads, you hate seeing people look at their friends and laugh. One would label you as socially anxious, or just not a social person in general. And maybe you would agree, maybe you would laugh it off and say ‘Yeah, that’s probably the problem.’ But you know that’s not the problem. It’s part of the problem, but not the entire problem.

You just hate being called annoying. You hate when everyone stares at you. Your mother would tell you that they’re jealous of how outgoing you are, but you know that now they have laughing material with their friends. 

You hate being called lazy. You work your ass off almost every day, even in the dead of summer when it’s so fucking hot out. But the second you sit down, people call you lazy and say you never do anything. 

But most of all, you hate how you still smile at these people. You hate how you can’t gather the courage to tell these people what’s on your mind. You wish you could scream at them, pull your hair, cry–anything, you wish you could do anything. But one wrong move, one wrong breath, and these people–or rather this person–will blow up on you. They’ll get so mad at you, make you feel pathetic and useless. And then you’ll feel crazy because you’ve always loved this person, why are you hating them now?

But now, every day is getting harder and harder. It’s the same things over and over again. Get up, go to school, come home, and cry. Well, you don’t cry every day, but you wish you could.

You know everyone can see how tired you are. You know it. You wish these people would ask if you’re okay. But you also wish they won’t because you know once they do, you’ll break down; you hate attention. 

“You okay?” At first, you thought it was just in your imagination. You almost berated yourself for being so desperate for attention. But the warmth, the weight, of his hand on your shoulder made you realize that, no this isn’t fake. Someone actually looked at you and realized that you weren’t okay.

“Yeah,” you provided a faux smile.

“I don’t believe you.”

Four words. Fifteen letters. That’s all it took for you to break. A little piece of glass, but that little piece caused the other pieces to break. 

You never thought those words would be the ones to break you. But here you are, your hand cupping your mouth, tears streaming down your face. You’re trying so desperately to hide your emotions. You’ve tried. But four fucking words later and you’re crouched on the library floor crying.

You’re sure he wasn’t even asking about your depression. You’re sure he was asking about earlier when you tripped on your way through the doors. But you so desperately needed to hear those words. You did, and you know it.

It’s comical, really. The way his face immediately contorts to one of confusion. All this situation needs is a little question mark to appear over his head. “That bad, huh?”

God, and he wasn’t even talking about the trip. He actually meant the depression. 

Wait. Are you burdening him? No, you shouldn’t cry about this. You shouldn’t let someone see this side of you so easily.

But the words slipped out like your mouth was laced with butter. “I’m so tired.” There’s no fake happiness, no cheerfulness in your voice. Nothing but a small sob lets him know that you really mean it. “I don’t know what to do, I’m so tired.” You don’t even have the energy to scream or anything.

And although you’re in the library, you know you could scream the words. This is your afternoon job, in a way, you stack the books with him, and no one else but you two are around.

Warmth consumes you. His jacket’s draped around your back. Although it’s so hot outside and the AC is barely working, you feel so….nice. 

“God, this is stupid.” Your hands come up to wipe your tears. But another action from the man behind you halts you. His hat is placed on your head.

“It’s not stupid. Stop downplaying your emotions. It’s stupid that you just laugh things off when they impact you so much.” You almost want to cry again. He’s noticed this much? How? “Just go home, do whatever you want.”

You don’t think twice when you lift yourself off the floor. Ready to leave this embarrassing moment. “But hey,” he calls out before you leave. “I better see you tomorrow. No quitting.”

You don’t know if you finally found something to wake up to, but you know for a fact that his words bring a small but real smile to your lips.

a/n: this is basically me rn lol

[idlerin]

I JUST WANNA FEEL YOUR PRESENCE

celebrity!akaashi keiji x f!reader

part 1 | part 2 | part 3

the ikarus incident (band au)

+ word count: 3.8k

content — light angst, fluff? fluff!, insecurity, and akaashi keiji being hopelessly in love w u

it's not easy dating one of the most sought out and influential men in the industry. the conflicting schedules and how you always have to share him with the world, but in the end, your heart desires what it desires.

AKAASHI KEIJI didn’t mean to make you feel neglected. You knew that. You knew that. Maybe you could even talk to him about how you’re feeling when you could actually find the means to contact him. Which isn’t anytime soon. You’re hitting your fifth anniversary this weekend and you weren’t even sure if he could make it. You understand of course, it’s not like he could stop a whole event just because his girlfriend wants his company. You weren’t the selfish type, you’ve never been. You would feel guilty if that were to happen. It’s just that, it’s been six months since you’ve last had a proper conversation. Six months filled with missed calls, late texts, ‘i’m sorry’s and ‘it’s okay’ except that it wasn’t. Just because you understood didn’t mean you could shake off the irrationality of wanting his attention.

“You should focus on yourself more, [name],” Kaiya tells you through the phone, you’ve turned to her for your– as you say– immature problems, “Okay, listen to me, you’re always putting others before yourself, try to catch a breather. Your problems are not irrelevant just because they seem quote en quote immature. You’re allowed to whine once in a while, you know? Stop keeping all of your feelings bottled up.”

“I know,” you slump on your bed, placing your phone on your bedside table so you could comfortably place your arms around yourself like the sad lonely potato you are.

“You say you know but I know my advice is going through one ear and out in the other,” Kaiya deadpans, you hear rustling and you could only assume she was baking again.

“To be fair I don’t exactly know how to focus on myself more. You know I’ve always been a bit of a people pleaser and liked to well, focus on others,” you rub your arms as you stare at your ceiling, recalling your high school days. You’d like to think you were tough, but only on the inside.

“A bit? You used to do every favor anyone’s asked of you before I stepped in and made them all shut the fuck up–” you cut her off.

“But what if they really needed my help!” you even used your hands to make a gesture to fully emphasize your point even if she couldn’t see you.

“They were taking advantage of you. There’s a difference between helping someone once and acting like their bell boy.”

“They were our seniors.”

“They were assholes.”

“Assholes are a bit harsh of a term.”

“See! You haven’t changed, maybe just a bit, thanks to yours truly. But you’re still so pure I want to put you in my pocket sometimes and take you away from my brother.”

You laugh, not really believing her when she calls you ‘pure’, “Thanks for distracting me, Kaiya,” you say softly instead, you weren’t even sure if you were heard on the other line.

“You’re welcome, always. I’m sure my brother’s going to show his face to you anytime soon.”

“I hope so,” you murmur.

He doesn’t.

It’s your anniversary.

The time 11:52 PM flashes on your home screen.

You bite your lower lip to stop the tears from flowing as you grip your phone. You’ve been waiting for a text or call from him all day. He was in a different district this week for a fan meeting, lucky fans, you can’t help but think of it in spite. Lines and lines of them, you could only imagine how exhausting it was to entertain them all. You guess he was just too tired to remember your anniversary. Because let’s face the truth that’s been bugging your mind all day, he forgot. He forgot.

He forgot but you were still hopeful enough that he would remember before the day ended.

He forgot and it’s–because his world is constantly moving and it feels like yours is only revolving around him.

He forgot but you understand.

You could think of a hundred different ways the day could’ve been a bit better. And all of them involved him communicating with you in some type of way. But perhaps he really was just too caught up with work. You understand.

But it hurts.

And it’s not okay.

You’re not okay as you tuck your knees to your chest and let yourself cry for the first time in months.

Akaashi only realizes his mistake the next day when he sees the date. You knew of this with the way he frantically called your phone. You merely stared at the screen flashing his contact name, and honestly, you weren’t ready to talk to him yet. As much as you should answer immediately and shout at him for forgetting such an important day, you couldn’t find it in you to show a bit of anger. All you could feel was defeat.

So you stared at the screen, not making a move to pick up your phone. You were willing to suffer the incessant sound of ringing until.. until…

Until he realizes you weren’t going to answer.

It was as difficult as you thought. Ignoring Akaashi Keiji wasn’t something you were good at, but something you were good at, was restraint. It wasn’t difficult since he was miles away from you and it’s not like you weren’t already suffering from the bare minimum of conversation from his side for months. So you’ve managed to hold up the wall, a wall that’s in the brink of shriveling up and collapsing on you because how could you practice restraint when he’s on the other side of the door and not on the other side of a phone.

“[name] can we please talk?” you missed that voice, you clench your fist, there was nothing you wanted more than to open the door and immediately gather him in your arms and say you forgive him.

“I’m sorry,” ah, that word again, how many times have you heard that from him now? But what else could he say or do? There was surely nothing that could soothe you. Akaashi knows you well enough for that, “I’m sorry, please open the door so we can talk.”

You stay silent, giving yourself the privilege of thinking it over.

“Alright.. It’s okay, as long as you’re listening it’s alright, you’re listening, right, my love?” it wasn’t something to gauge out a response from you, because you were heavily intent on giving him the silent treatment.

“I didn’t mean to forget about our anniversary, the event was held up until 10 and right after the band and I had a meeting and I lost track of time. I know that it sounds like an excuse. I'm sorry, there isn’t anything that would justify what I did. I haven’t been a good boyfriend at all these past few months, and you deserve better. But can you please not give up on me?” his voice cracks and you swallow down the words you want to say to reassure him with instead because Akaashi was overthinking these past few days just as much as you, your boyfriend and you were similar in that regard, but you aren’t exactly sure if you could provide reassurance you would mean.

You open the door so abruptly Akaashi almost stumbles inside, the result of leaning on the door. You gather up your courage to look him in the eye enough so your knees wouldn’t grow weak. You were always soft and weak whenever you were around him. Most of the time it would feel like bliss but right now it was only a painful reminder of how you would take whatever he could give you, no matter how much it would break you.

But Kaiya was right, you needed to focus on yourself more.

Akaashi’s eyes lit up the moment he finally catches a glimpse of you but when he saw the look in your eyes he understood immediately what you wanted to convey without saying anything. You gulped trying to control your emotions as you reached for one of his hands so you could grasp it in both of yours, this was your way of saying sorry. A tear slips and you become a silent crying mess in front of him as he tries to process everything.

“[name], are you thinking about.. do you want to break up with me?” Akaashi says it in a fragile tone, it shattered your heart, you didn’t.. mean to.. you didn’t want to feel like this. You just couldn’t help the sobs that rattle your chest, him saying it outright makes it feel more real. That you were actually going through with it. Breaking up with him. Something you’ve thought of thoroughly between these days of silence.

“I.. I,” Akaashi gulps, “It’s.. okay, if you want to,” you watch as his jaw tightens and his forehead ticks for the slightest second, he was trying to act normal for you, so it would be easier, “I don’t want to see you hurt and I know I’ve only been hurting you these past months. If breaking up would be good.. for you, then.. then it’s okay,” he takes a move to take your face in his hands and wipe your tears.

“Ah,” he inhales sharply, you look up to see that he was tearing up too, “Sorry, sorry. It’s just, I couldn’t hold it in,” Akaashi tries to laugh. You attempted to laugh too but it ended up with you shedding more tears.

“Can I hug you?” he asks, “Please?” his voice cracks, your answer was wrapping your arms around his shoulders.

He rests his head in the crook of your neck and that’s when he finally breaks, “[name].. [name] I love you so much.. I.. I don’t want to break up,” he couldn’t control his tears anymore, “Please don’t break up with me. I love you. I don’t want to.. I don’t want to. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry I promise I’ll find a way to make it better, I’ll be better for us [name].. please don’t leave..” he hugs you tighter, “..don’t leave me.”

You pat his back, a ridiculous aim to calm him down, this is only one of the few times he’s broken down, you recall a conversation you’ve had with him where he said he could only ever be vulnerable around you, “Keiji,” you say his name as a plead, “I love you.. I love you so much, but I think I need a break from… just everything. But I’m not leaving you, I swear. It isn’t going to be permanent, please give me time?” 

A moment where your cries and his intertwine as you clutch his shoulder as if basking in the last moments you could hold him. It just makes him hold onto you tighter.

“Okay,” Akaashi says after a few minutes of basking in each other’s warmth, “..Okay,” he squeezes you once more before letting go.

“Thank you,” I’m sorry, you mean it, as you stare up at him with watery eyes, you take a step back and close your door with shaky hands. Your last sight of him was of his distraught expression and tear stained cheeks parallel to yours..

I’m sorry.

-

You miss him.

More than ever before.

It’s been 3 months since you’ve broken it off. You’ve cut your contact with him for now but of course you couldn’t truly escape him. His life was just too thoroughly intertwined with yours. You still feel longing for him, but that was inevitable. Things have been better with you, it felt like a step to something better, for the both of you. You’ve tried new hobbies lately, such as your yoga sessions to calm your mind and running every morning. You’ve tried balancing it along with your new job in a traditional publishing house.

Late at night, when you’re all alone and wallowing in self pity you miss him, but you always manage to stop yourself from searching his name on twitter to see what he was up to. It’s been 3 months of no communication and it’s killing you, even if it’s a self-inflicted rule you manage over. But as you said, your lives were too intertwined.

That was why you’re standing in a corner in the Akaashi family reunion beside Kaiya who was arguing with her cousin, who, when left, turned to you.

How could you resist an invitation from Mrs. Akaashi, his mother? She was way too nice to you and you’ve always attended Akaashi family gatherings, what would be your excuse to not attend, surely not anything good enough, but you didn’t even attempt to say no. Because you did want to go.

“The two of you are so obvious,” your best friend rolls her eyes.

“Huh?” you ask, confused while eating a hotdog an auntie gave you.

“My brother and you are. so. obvious,” she points her stick where a hotdog was once to Akaashi who was talking with an Uncle, “He keeps glancing here and looking at you longingly like a lovesick puppy, it’s kinda gross,” she grimaces, “It’s a surprise my other relatives haven’t figured out that you guys have been dating for years. Whenever we have a get together he’s always hanging around somewhere near you like a moth to a flame. What did you feed him dude?”

Your heart ached, you were trying to ignore his presence because you didn’t know how to initiate an interaction that wasn’t going to be awkward. You greeted him stiffly earlier when you were approaching his parents and he was unluckily beside them. You tried to act like you usually would, as if this wasn’t the first time you were seeing him in person after your break up. You didn’t want it to be this way, in fact, you want it to be the opposite. After all these months, you’ve realized you can live without him, but you didn’t want to.

“We dated for years. Not anymore,” you mumble, bad habits die hard, and one of those is your pessimism, but you quickly say something else before she could hound you, “And it’s your fault for always inviting me to your family gatherings, they got used to it, do I look like an Akaashi?” you roll your eyes at her.

“Soon to be,” she winks at you. You blush at the implication, “You’re going to get back together anyways,” Kaiya was so sure of it, when you told her about how you broke up with her brother her immediate reply was ‘He deserves it, he was being stupid. The both of you are too stupidly in love to completely call it off, so let’s talk about my recent dior purchase because look–’.

“Okay but really, you’re family, just not blood-related, my parents love you to the point that I think they considered adopting you once, my aunts and uncles think you’re absolutely adorable, and my nieces and nephews are always looking for “[n/n]-chan”. You’re practically already Akaashi [name],” she gestures dramatically, just then one of her cousins that was arranging the tables to make a big long one for the whole family to sit in says ‘Bring out the food!’

You soon find yourself seated in one of the chairs beside Kaiya, all would be well if Akaashi Keiji hadn’t decided to sit in front of you. Now you were avoiding meeting his eye, oh you only wish for this dinner to go fast and smoothly because you don’t know how long you’re going to last in this avoiding eye contact game.

“[name] when are you going to date our Hiroki?” an auntie asked, catching your attention, they were pertaining to Keiji's cousin. Oh there they go again, they have always teased Hiroki with you since around 4 years ago when he said that his ideal girlfriend was you, the family never let go of it, you always laughed it off since it was harmless, and there was no way you have eyes for any other Akaashi that isn’t Akaashi Keiji.

A few adults laughed, most teasing Hiroki, you distantly heard a choking sound coming from your best friend, and Hiroki himself was very red. You laughed awkwardly before an uncle said something that caught you off-guard.

“I thought Keiji and [name] were in a relationship?” which made your heart beat unbelievably faster. You almost dropped your fork, Kaiya was trying to contain her laughter but she slapped your thigh as if she was saying ‘See? You guys were obvious’ and you did the one thing you didn’t want to do. You locked eyes with Keiji.

Auntie laughed, “Come on honey, our Keiji is too busy being a celebrity to be in a relationship.”

Ouch.

It felt like everything that happened flashed before you and the gaze you were holding with Keiji right now was delicate. It definitely looks like he wants to say something but you stop him with one simple shake of your head. He complies as he always did in your relationship. And just like that, you move your attention elsewhere.

“Hiroki has liked you since forever [name], does he not make moves? Silly boy,” Auntie continues.

“Ma!” Hiroki shouts in embarrassment, “[name] will feel awkward, I’m sorry [name],” he bows his head to you, you shake your head and wave your hands, you wish for the conversation to change to something not revolving around you.

“It’s okay, Auntie just teases a lot,” you chuckle, taking a bite of your carbonara.

“Hiroki nii-san said earlier [name]-chan looked very pretty today!” one of the kids added.

The adults were about to comment rather joyously when Akaashi clanged his glass to get everyone’s attention, “That’s enough guys, [name] is getting uncomfortable,” he says calmly, you were the only one who noticed how there was a slight off in his movement, like he was annoyed but pretending not to be, the vein in his hand that was holding the cup a little too tightly gave it away.

“Keiji has always looked after [name] like his own sister, it’s cute,” Keiji’s older cousin Aiki says.

Your best friend couldn’t contain her laughter then, everyone looked at her as she cackled like a maniac, “Yeah, sure, he totally thinks of her like a sister,” she says, full of mirth. Aiki was sitting on her other side so she was looking at Kaiya like she was out of her mind.

Everyone thought she was just spouting nonsense again and veered into a different topic. You couldn’t help but glance at Keiji who you knew whose gaze on you never faltered.

For some reason, the universe liked to play with you. You didn’t know if it loved you or hated you. Surely trapping you in the kitchen with Akaashi Keiji when he was supposed to be out buying more alcohol with a cousin was a coincidence or maybe methodical plans made by the person you call best friend you’ve spent more than half of your life with. Whatever it was, it led you to this moment with him. You and him, alone. Most of the family were still out in the backyard, the ones that were still awake of course, most of the kids were asleep, the older kids were watching a movie in the living room, the young-adults were with the aunts and uncles drinking outside.

You were planning on staying over and having a sleepover with Kaiya, who was one of the young-adults getting shit faced outside, but you wouldn’t have put it past her to not have meddled in a little with your relationship with her brother before getting shit faced.

You get a glass of water, using it to sober yourself, you haven’t consumed any alcohol, but you didn’t trust yourself to be composed around Akaashi Keiji. So you drink your water, inhaling before you find the right words.

“I miss you,” Keiji spoke first. He was closer than you initially thought, with your back on the entrance you hadn’t realized he was caging you in. His arm is on the counter beside where you’re still holding down the cup. Now you were truly trapped, and this is how you knew that everything was going to be fine.

“Until when is our break going to last?” he says in a trivial way, like he was asking you if you liked the weather. As if he wasn’t saying it directly in your ear, making you shiver. You remember telling him once that you liked how you could feel his voice when he spoke close to your ear. It was something very Keiji to remember and use at a time like this, you expect nothing less than perfect composure while your insides are malfunctioning.

“Keiji,” you finally turn to face him, but you don't have much room to work with, quite literally. Your hands are behind you on the counter as you look up at Akaashi and soak in his features. You missed everything, his voice, his eyes, his perfume. Everything that makes him, him. He reaches a hand out to gently cup your face, he looks into your eyes, testing the waters. If you would allow him to touch you so he could ground himself. As if feeling you was getting back his sense of reality.

“You look better,” he murmurs, using his thumb to caress your cheek, “I’m glad,” he smiles.

“Thank you for giving me time,” you place your hand over his, leaning into his touch more, “I’m sorry too,” you say.

“I should be the one saying sorry,” Akaashi’s brows furrow, “I still haven’t made it up to you.”

“So.. should we start again?” you say in a soft voice, shyly looking up at him through your lashes.

Akaashi leans down to place a kiss on your forehead, as if it was something he had wanted to do all evening, “We’re picking up where we left off.”

“That sounds nice,” you murmur, tilting your head up to place a sweet kiss on Keiji’s cheek. “We still have a lot to talk about,” you add, reaching over to brush his hair out of his face while his hands have moved down to your waist.

“And as I said, I have a lot of making up to do. I’m sorry for everything I put you through,” Akaashi has a troubled expression on his face, “I won’t make the same mistakes again. I can’t promise you that it would be easy dating me, you know that it isn’t, because of my job. That’s why I’m so thankful you've still stuck with me all these years despite all my misgivings. I love you, so much. And I.. want to show you off to the world, my love.”

You bite your lower lip, it was here, another step in your relationship, “Let’s start with your family?”

Akaashi couldn’t help but pull you in for a kiss, one that leaves you gasping and breathless, “I love you,” you say.

“Stay with me forever,” Akaashi states, not even giving you a choice, it makes you laugh with giddiness, you were the only one who got to see this side of him.

“Sounds like a good plan.”

Being selfish once in a while felt nice.

a/n — guys i have to wake up for school in like less than 2 hrs but my brain said no syl finish your akaashi fic and i listened to my monster

general taglist + @rintarousprincess @giyuus0nlywife @luvrsthrist @cherries4denki @cloud-lyy @misscaller06 @noideawhothatis @wolffmaiden

[kitheking]

toxic traits i think redacted audio characters have/used to have: listener edition!

angel - pessimistic + perfectionism, especially when it comes to the pack. They feel slightly inferior because they’re human, so when it comes to planning events like the Solstice, they want everything to be perfect but they can’t help but imagine the absolute worst. I think they also begin to spiral a little when it comes to David + the pack and them working specific events, this is bc of the Inversion.

baabe - a massive people pleaser. similarly to angel, they feel inferior to the pack because they’re human, so when asher first introduced them to the pack, baabe altered basically everything about themselves from their interests to their humor in attempt to fit in. they’re like this with other humans too. They’re a lot better now that they’ve got roots in the pack, though.

sweetheart - major workaholic + defensive. the department obviously demands a lot from its employees, so sweetheart is definitely running on a few hours of sleep and caffeine, but instead of taking breaks they can sit at a desk and do paperwork all day. they often fail to realize how damaging it is and they get snappy when people try to help them. they usually apologize afterwards cause they’re cool like that.

smartass - inflexible + slightly aggressive. they are sooo stubborn and they don’t like trying new things at ALL. They also tend to get pretty feisty when somebody challenges them on anything and they’re quick to dish out insults. and i mean they go for the JUGULAR. they’ll insult your appearance, your grammar, they’ll find your whole family tree on facebook and bring up your family issues if it means they’ll win an argument.

lovely - they’re a little too confident and they overestimate themself. lovely is tough, don’t get me wrong BUT they tend to automatically assume they can do anything. the type of person to watch ultimate ninja warrior or some shit and be like “i could do that” but they most definitely could not. i still can’t get over how vincent warned them on that mountain or whatever and they decided not to listen and immediately got their shit rocked.

bright eyes - they used to be very impulsive. they get the urge to do something? they ARE going to do it. zero forethought. after the Quinn incident, they try to think before acting more often.

honey - they used to be very dismissive. they did not prioritize closeness, affection, or intimacy in their relationships because they didn’t know how to channel those emotions. ever since being with Guy, he’s helped them a lot.

darlin/tank - oh boyyy. they’ve definitely picked up on some extreme negativity in their life, but i think one of their worst traits was their recklessness. we know darlin has a habit at throwing themself into danger head on like they’re invincible, which results in them severely injured and needing somebody to take care of them. Part of me also thinks that they struggle with empathy. in the “Confronted by Your Pack Alpha” video, darlin seemed to have a hard time understanding how David + the pack felt about them running off to go vampire hunting and they were fully convinced that they were doing the right thing by trying to “protect” everyone.

i purposely left out some listeners, like lasko’s, antons, and james’ because i have no clue what theirs would be. I also left out Cutie because we all know what their toxic trait is… oh boy.

[summershouto]

baby 5 & sanji- the role of gender

I’m definitely not the first person to say this but Sanji’s women obsession is very similar to Baby 5’s need to please and I wanted to expand on it more bc the thoughts keep bouncing around in my brain 

Sanji and Baby 5 have the same core need to find love and it effects their actions- especially in matters with romance/the opposite sex. While both of their fixations are often treated as jokes, they still reflect underlaying issues tied to their backstories.

The way they act on this romantic drive is somewhat different, as they both assume the traditionally expected roles in accordance with their gender. They’re putting on a performance, behaving over-the-top in effort to please, while still varying in how they portray their love-sickness to remain a model man/woman. these differences set them apart, and I feel in Sanji’s case it can result in his behavior being brushed off as simply a weird quirk (unlike Baby 5, who’s actions remain lighthearted but are recognized as a trauma response).

They both have the same reaction to potential interest/attention, but remain strictly on the opposite ends of the spectrum of Man vs Woman in a conventional relationship. 

Baby 5 maintains a caretaking, flattering-focused obsession of the opposite sex rather than transforming into having pervy gags. She wants to be needed but she also enjoys (and sometimes imagines) being swooned over.

Looking at Sanji in the beginning, before the annoying nosebleed/creep gags became more prominent, he was also rather romance driven rather than motivated by lust. He, similar to Baby 5, saw many as potential suitors; a hopeless romantic at heart. While Baby 5 strikes at the first sign of interest from a man, Sanji equally treats every woman as someone he needs to look after . 

Baby 5 jumps into the role of a caring wife. She blushes like a schoolgirl and assumes that every man who is kind is showing interest in her. Meanwhile Sanji, filling the role of a traditional man in the relationship, seeks to provide. He wants to aid women in any way possible- whether thats with cooking or actual physical protection. His pervy gags could also be read as a way to fit this norm- as a man it’s more societally acceptable to be lust driven- (and in some cases, lust/sex is a way to “prove” ones manhood).  This is especially prominent after his time apart from the crew surrounded by people that challenged his notions of gender.

Overall their use of these traditional gender roles are safe; an easy way to get attention. People in real life often use romantic attention as means of fulfillment, and I read their actions as the same.

Baby 5 and Sanji are both people pleasers. Baby 5 is named as such, noting she can’t deny anyone anything because she longs to be needed. Sanji’s lack of self-worth causes him to always put others first, even at the cost of his own wellbeing. They see themselves as existing to fulfill a needed role, bidding their time until the moment arises. 

Other people have noted how similar Baby 5 and Sanji are in this way, joking that it’s good Sanji and Baby 5 never met because they’d get married instantly. I think it would actually be very interesting if they had met. Two people pleasers in a relationship is a recipe for disaster, especially with people as passionate as Baby 5 and Sanji. Their way of dealing with conflict would be to.. not. Neither would ever want to say the other is at fault. Their approach towards romance is seeking a sense of fulfillment, which would create an interesting dynamic with their exaggerated swooning. 

Now there are some people who truly are greatly motivated to pursue relationships, but with Sanji and Baby 5’s backstories revolving around a lack of love,  it’s safe to assume that it’s a bit more of an inorganic reaction for them. Especially when looking at the situations their love gets them into, such as when Baby 5 fell head over heels for a man because he was kind to her once despite not showing any prior attraction. 

Sanji is on the opposite side of the spectrum, finding /every/ woman beautiful and himself unworthy. Where Baby 5 aims to prove her worth from any one person and seeks a reason for her receiving kindness, Sanji places himself below all the women he meets and grovels in attempt to please as they stand on their pedestals. 

Sanji was raised by Zeff- someone who had a strong influence in how Sanji perceives and treats women. Sanji’s hunger for love was enhanced by the teaching of strict gender roles and emphasis on chivalry. While Baby 5 longs to be the helpful wife, Sanji becomes the pursuer- acting like a white knight as he sought women’s attention. That’s not to say his attraction isn’t real, but his extreme reactions to women reflect his desperation to please. 

Sanji also has the added factor of the men vs women in his life prior to Zeff, with only his mother and sister showing him kindness. Women were safer; and Zeff furthered this belief through his teachings.  

They’re both self-sacrificial to a dangerous degree. To them, their lives are indispensable; meaning if someone needs to die for the greater good then that’s the role they feel they were made for. Their life IS other people.

This is also interesting to consider in the perspective of non-heterosexual relationships. Sanji has a complicated past with gender/sexuality, so his aggressive actions towards men reflect what he feels a “real man” should be. Feminine attention is good, acceptable to enjoy, but male attention is something to scorn.

For Baby 5, we don’t really see her react to the kindness of a woman. She grew up around predominantly men and men appear to be the ones who most often take advantage of her. It’s curious to consider if meeting another woman with good intentions would allow her to be more sincere. 

I guess in conclusion I often see Baby 5’s actions being recognized as a response to her past, but I don’t often see Sanji’s explained similarly. Personally I think Sanji’s behavior is greatly effected by his starve for love, and he throws himself into it just like Baby 5. However, the way theyre perceived is greatly effected by their gender and their according behavior to fit the norms. Regardlessly, he and Baby 5 both rely on other people to find their worth- and the quickest way to do that is to turn to romantic love. 

[j-1z]

xdinary heroes love languages

disclaimer: all of my readings are for entertainment purposes only and should be taken with a grain of salt, as these idols are strangers.

this reading was done on aug 24th, 2023. i used the ‘dreaming way’ deck and caroline myss' 'archetype cards' deck. i also pulled up the member's birth charts for a bit more guidance.

Whatever love language his partner wants, is Gunil’s love language. I did two pulls here because he was so unclear with his feelings. Bottom line, is he isn’t sure of his love language because he kind of just goes with what his partner wants. Gunil has a tendency to become extremely infatuated with people and is willing to give himself completely to them. I imagine someone kneeling, helpless at an altar. There’s a sense of feeling lost and confused in terms of love right now, so he’s not exactly sure what his love language is. He wants to desperately make someone happy, playing with different ideas of what would be nice. Very idealistic in love and finds it hard to stay in reality in this aspect of his life - like a rock in pretty much every other part of his life and ideally, wants his partner to lean on him, but it seems that he would unintentionally allow them to knock him over and call it love. Once he heals, he gives knight vibes hardcore - chivalrous, a bit traditional, devotion is a huge theme here, wants to see his partner try and make leaps and bounds. He wants to worship, but needs to learn to take care of himself and set boundaries first.

Acts of service is Jungsu’s love language. He tends to automatically take a more dominant role in his relationships, at least emotionally. Truly lives up to that “mom” title - softly guiding, compassionate, warm and super kind. He wants to relieve his partner’s burdens so that they can shine again. Literally, picking up the pieces of their life to lighten the load, I imagine a mother goose character rounding up her gosling children. He also seems to know what to say to make his partner feel good. On the other hand, Jungsu needs to be careful with doing things to get his partner to “shut up,” whether it’s in a half-assed manner, he’s doing it while sighing through it, or teetering into people-pleaser territory. Has the ability to be someone his partner can lean on in a more tangible manner. 

Quality time is Jiseok’s love language. He loves to kind of follow his partner around, sticking his nose into what they’re doing and simply being around them. I imagine a puppy whose tail keeps wagging as they sit and stare at their owner. Would love parallel play - helps break up the monotony of doing mundane things and he’s got someone to mess around with, pick their brain, etc. The deepest way to an emotional connection is to connect through the brain first, the heart and the mind go very hand in hand for him, and the best way to connect through the brain is to spend time together. Long talks, storytelling are all things he likes. 

Acts of service and words of affirmation are Seungmin’s love languages. Just want to comment on the amount of depth this guy has - for a Gemini, he reminds me more of a Scorpio with the way he operates in relationships. Relationships for him are something that transforms both him and his partner, and he wants to see them grow even (and especially) if it’s painful. Seungmin tends to go for jaded types, but not without cause. He’s the type to do your laundry when you can’t, make you a meal or get food when you can’t get out of bed, and inevitably, hoist you up by your bootstraps and get you moving again. It’s all out of love and the necessity to be connected on such a visceral level. The type to give you hard truths, but also tell you that you’ll be okay in the end. There’s a deep fire that burns when he’s with a partner that makes him feel alive - can be a little aggressive or abrasive with how he gives his love sometimes. I imagine someone throwing blinds open abruptly to flood a dark room with light, a “come on, get up, let’s go,” and holding hands to go take a shower for the first time in a couple days. Very wise, probably has been through what he likes to help others through. Also, refuses to settle for anyone who isn’t up for a transformation, which makes him appear aloof and not available to most.

Acts of service is Hyeongjun’s love language. He has a hard time verbally speaking his truth, putting words to his feelings and has a real tendency to slip up in his speech often (I think he mentioned something about this recently, preferring to perform and paint as a way to express?). It actually seems that he’s convinced he needs to be more of a physical touch or words of affirmation kind of partner - very naïve lover, I don’t think he’s had much experience, if any at all, in terms of love. His ideas of love he absorbs from the world around him (media, his parents, his bandmates, etc). The best way to show his love would be through different, more practical ways, instead of big, poetic words or throwing himself at his partner. He is surprisingly level headed when it comes to his partners and takes on an almost fatherly role to them. Hyeongjun also tends to be attracted to those who have big woes - very similar to Seungmin in that he would cook his partner a meal if they haven’t eaten, sit and let his partner vent (and give advice!), etc. However, there is less of that “tough love” aspect, so much as there is a humanitarian, “you’re human, you deserve to be happy” kind of energy. If his partner needed to spend time just rotting in bed, he’d probably join and make sure they had basic needs met until they felt better enough to do it themselves. Runner up is gift giving - very contemplative and thoughtful, he would be good at making playlists, paintings, etc for his partner and it’s a great outlet for big feelings.

Physical touch and acts of service are Jooyeon’s love languages. In relationships, he tends to really embody his Virgo mars - very warm, patient and giving to his partners, he wants to be someone that they can look up to for support. He is extremely similar to Gunil surprisingly, however Jooyeon has an easier time not losing himself in infatuation and can keep himself afloat easier. This seems to be the one aspect in his life where he is extremely grounded and can be a pillar of support for those that he loves. He has a lot of patience for the world around him - I want to note that even though he seems energetic and bouncy, his energy overall is very steady and rooted. This was also the most obvious physical touch reading I’ve gotten in a minute - he loves hugs and will not hesitate to give big ol’ squeezes. The act of hugging, cuddling, physical contact, etc helps him to regulate and connect more than any other ways - he finds it easier to physically express his love, instead of verbally. There’s a sense that he feels like he’s good at hugging/physical contact, but not always the best with words. Deep, deep down, Jooyeon is also a bit of a romantic and tends to look for “the one” when he’s dating. He wants someone to take care of and dote on.