#cannot even imagine how good she’ll be with leveled talents

[kaeyaphile]

hey y’all, is my keqing any good? 🤔

[theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin]

what do you think lee and obito's dynamic would be like if, say, things were a bit different and they were the same age. like, minato made a deal with the shinigami, except because obito caused the kyubi attack, he'd be the one lee latched onto. so, say lee went to konoha when obito is five or so, how would he react to this strange foreigner and how would the uchiha react? idk it's kinda funny to me. you don't have to answer if you don't like!

I feel as if you people are sometimes trying to push me story ideas like you’re pushing crack. One of these days, you know my will power’s going to break and I’m going to write the thing, it’s just a matter of which one.

But not today, Satan.

So, I’ll just do this at a high level instead and we can content ourselves with a “what if”.

Well, first, it’s very hard for me to picture this scenario. Obito was there at the time, yes, but he had no direct content with the Shinigami, didn’t call her himself, and well was mired in nihilist rage. So, I’m not sure Lee the god would even notice him there except, perhaps, distantly. 

Though, perhaps through the sheer power of his rage, Obito’s overwhelming ability to force his will onto the world, and more would spark her notice and cause her to go to him rather than a young Minato. That, or when Ellie Potter decides to take the Dursley’s up on their suggestion to leave and find an orphanage, she gravitates towards a time period where the Minato she had previously met is closer to existing (Minato’s older, in a stable relationship with Kushina, etc.)

Regardless, I think a Lee who would choose this time frame, even unwittingly, would be less human and closer to whatever Lee truly is. 

Which means, of course, that Obito’s going to have the weirdest time of his goddamn life.

I forget when Obito enters the academy, I’m going to throw six out as a number as I believe that’s canonically when Naruto’s generation typically enters, and that way Kakashi’s even more ridiculous for graduating at five. 

Until this point, being an Uchiha and living with his grandmother, he has no interaction with strange foreign (possibly Uzumaki) orphan Eru Lee. So, he undoubtedly meets her in the academy, and she’s peak weird.

I imagine she easily confesses to Obito that she’s here to meet the man who, in a few years time, is going to summon her and offer his own soul in sacrifice. She thinks it would be a little awkward to approach him directly, he’s a grown man and she’s six, and in the meantime she’s discovered that the only occupation for foreign orphans is to become shinobi and pray you have some talent. Also, fun fact Obito Uchiha, you burn down the village riding on the back of a Godzilla villain knockoff.

Obito, naturally, is weirded the fuck out and wants nothing to do with her (to his misfortune, her seat is right next to his, and Rin’s is on the opposite side of the classroom). Obito’s grandmother probably tells him to be nice to the weird, friendless, foreign orphan girl and makes him feel guilty as hell. He tries, it’s still weird, and not helped by the fact that Lee quickly reveals herself to be insanely talented.

While Obito, of course, sucks.

Obito’s the one who points out that, if Lee’s this good, they’re not going to care that she completely fails her written exams: she’s going to graduate yesterday. Lee thinks this war business sounds unpleasant, also Obito is the only person who talks to her and if she leaves now she’ll be alone, six, and on a battlefield, and starts purposefully failing her exams. Unfortunately, she’s terrible at failing. Fortunately, she’s great at genjutsu and successfully remains in Obito’s shinobi class. Obito can’t even.

Eventually, i.e. right away though Obito doesn’t admit it for months, Lee becomes his best friend and unofficial wingman who tries to help him win Rin’s heart. She makes it worse, because now Obito’s that weirdass kid who hangs out with that other weird ass kid who does things like get kidnapped by their own clones.

His grandmother is glad Obito has friends, Lee is over all the time eating all their food and practically lives at their house, but has no idea what to make of this girl at all. Much like in “Minato” though, thanks to shenanigans and a lack of direct jonin supervision, the village hasn’t really caught on yet that Lee is anything more than an abnormally talented civilian born orphan. So, the Uchiha don’t think anything of it (and since Obito’s a branch member and very young they don’t really care that he appears to have a non-Uchiha/arranged girlfriend). 

Four years later, Obito hates Lee forever because she genjutsus her placement to be on his genin team instead of the top kunoichi in their class: Rin. Also not helping, as his best friend is a girl, this means that everyone (Rin included) thinks Lee is his girlfriend. At this point, even Obito’s not sure if Lee is his girlfriend or not, her being an alien also doesn’t help matters (a fact which Obito catches onto much faster than Minato did in “Minato”).

The bell test is a convoluted mess. Minato and Lee have the world’s weirdest “do I know you from somewhere?” staring contest. Lee knows she can get the bells in two seconds and instead spends the entire test trying to negotiate with Kakashi and Obito and decide among themselves who stays and who goes. (Obito, clearly, must stay if he wishes to become hokage. Lee would go, but Kakashi and Obito seem to fight like cats and dogs. Per Minato Namikaze, they’re not all staying). This turns into a ridiculous brawl with Kakashi who cannot believe he’s stuck with these genin losers. They end up passing the test because Lee gets the bells and probably buries Minato in the sand somewhere and makes him renegotiate his terms (he takes all three of them as students if he knows what’s good for him). Minato’s not sure how he feels about this.

Life, continues, shenanigans ensue that undoubtedly attract the interest of all the right parties: Danzo, Orochimaru, and the Uchiha clan. The Uchiha clan probably sits Obito down to tell him “By the way, you’re going to marry your weirdass friend”. Obito has an existential crisis about his shitty family, the nature of duty, and everything else.

Danzo probably waits with glee for Lee to turn chunin but undoubtedly actively tries to recruit her straight away. Lee is very weirded out by this.

Orochimaru probably steals hair samples and tells Danzo that he has dibs.

They’re put into war very early, as Obito was in canon, this is undoubtedly quite awful. They likely have a very tense relationship with Kakashi, who wants nothing to do with either of them, and is in his stoic, serious, traumatized phase of his life.

And so on and so forth, we could keep going, but I think this is enough.

[imagines-to-quench-thirst]

Prima ballerina and her Vicious Viking: Ivar the boneless

I have seen a lot of Youtube clips so I don't know much of the show so sorry if I missed some names.

Warning: some grammatical mistakes and misspelled names

Still living in a house with no internet so this piece was made in a cafe with the internet where I sat for a good half an hour sorry if it wasn't the best.

Enjoy!

And then I dance on the tops of my toes with the rhythmic music following my lead.' The soft giggles at the end of the sentence gave the man beside the girl much room to think.

'How do you mean that the music follows you? Music is invisible. I don't understand.' 'That's a term of saying. For example when you are dancing-' 'I do not dance.' Y/n looks at him again hitting her head in the realization that she forgot.

'Sorry.' the ruthless man chuckles nudging her shoulder with his. 'I like it when you get sad like this and apologetic. It's very much... Sweet.' Ivar smiled at his lover leaning towards her soft and cold lips kissing them to give her little of his own warmth. She reciprocates his action pushing against lips letting the bystanders pass them with shock in their eyes seeing a young fair maiden kissing him. As if she felt the wave of unpleased she moves back whispering 'I wish you could see it.'

Ivar nods in agreement answering in the same tone 'As well, I could only imagine how graceful you look.' Y/n steps up from the small chair holding her hand out to Ivar as he grabs his crutch walking long side her holding her hand delicately and the crutch holding onto for dear life.

Arriving in his room he flops down ready to tell out the order for his lackluster slave but feels Y/n's hands on his legs unbuckling his leg braces. He wants to rebuke her kind gesture but when she was so soft, nice, slow with him he could do only but melt at her love and affection. She always was one step ahead of him, everyone is but still... she was in his head far longer than his brothers, no one could survive for that long as she did.

Finishing up the job Y/n grabs the braces placing them next to his crutch, within arm's length. Letting go of the bonds of metal and leather Y/n looks up at the moon as it shined bright with only a few stars as companions. 'When are you going back?' Ivar asks his hands clasping together hoping to hear the largest of numbers 'This my second full moon... tomorrow.' Responding to his question she turns around seeing his head hung in sadness

'But I'll be back. Soon. Very soon.' Ivar nods as his blue eyes pleaded to her to stay more, not to put any more days apart and than together. Her steps squeezed along the dry wood as her derriere sat next to Ivar's on the bed 'I understand... I just wish that we- we weren't such worlds apart.' she knew what he meant and how literal it was for she was a lucky girl who stumbled up a portal in the deep woods behind her house falling directly into his world with no warmth to keep her alive only stumbling over him as she desperately asked passers to lend her their warm coats not bothering to look down tumbling over the man she will fall in love with.

Oh, the irony the only one to help her was the only one she didn't ask. And thus having her tumble from one world into another, pushing her body from a normal warm temperature to freezing winter.

'I know, but I don't want to risk the timeline of history just so you can see my dance.' That was also a problem. The timeline. That's what she thought maybe it was a historic timeline or it was an alternative world where everything was frozen. She didn't know and if she asked him things that would develop later she could change the lives of future billions. She heard stories of him, she read them and witness them but when he was with her it was more a question of that man was capable of killing in cold blood for an honor when he told her she was his true love. She did not know. Nor she doesn't want to know. It was safer that way. But also she knew that he was a Viking that one day will come when she will decide if she'll leave her world or his... forever. Even that was for another time. Not now, when she held him in a tight and warm embrace.

'I'll find a way.' Ivar whispered through her clothes letting his heavy eyes close as he is lulled into a peaceful sleep knowing that when he wakes up she will be gone until the next full moon.

The cold sun shined brightly into the room as its soft icy rays fall onto Ivar's s eyelids making him force open. He opens his blue eyes seeing the pillow next to him empty, he was right. She is gone. 'What's wrong brother?' Hvitserk asked his brother as he involuntary ate his food. 'Nothing-nothing.' Ivar replied not wanting to look at his brother's smirk. Ubbe looks at his baby brother saying 'Ah, is the woman of your "life" gone?' Ubbe let the words drag far longer than normal to irk Ivar more and more. Ivar held the fork with all his strength feeling as if with one more "joke" he will fling it to his brother's eyeball. 'Boys, enough.' Aslaug says with authority in her voice pleading the boys to stop harassing their youngest. Everyone around the table knew just how much Ivar had a short fuse but still his family should understand his sorrow. 'Do not worry dear brother, soon she will leave you so you will not feel like this anymore.'

Ubbe said with no cares for his brother's love. Ivar looked ta him immediately fearing the worst. He knew that whatever his brothers said about her was meant as a joke but this kind of sentence bore throughout all layers of emotions, intentional or not. It broke his heart to think there won't be unanticipated waits of her return or walking down a street just holding her hand to see the shocked reactions of his people, feeling on top of the world with her. He didn't want those moments to stop coming in, he doesn’t want to feel alone and in pain.

Hell, even when he was in pain she was with him to tell him about her life as a dancer. It didn't have to stop. Not if he wanted to.

'Okay, class. From the beginning. Step 1, step 2, hop 3 and twirl 4 aannndd falls gracefully down. Good job.' the teacher applauded her team of marvelous ballerinas letting them take a rest talking to each other to catch up on their days they spent free.

Y/n laid next to her friend Micheal as he nudged her shoulder 'So, the guy, Ivar? When I'll meet him?' he asked the all too telling question as he untangled his ballet shoes.' Well... he is-well he is... busy? Yeah, that.' 'Sure... sure Susan. I mean I just want to see a man that fell in love with your soul and not your amazingly talented feet.' Michael was right. He always was.

His questions were innocent enough but his intentions were sincere. But he didn't meet a historic/alternative universe Viking who captured her heart. 'Besides, the grand show is in 2 days and he won't come?' 'Yeah, he isn't the one for the finer arts.' 'I can understand that. But if I had an artistic girlfriend I would be with her each day and attend all her shows.'

Y/n slumped her shoulders feeling the sadness sead into her heart she wanted to see Ivar at her shows but it just wasn't going to happen. As her shoulders sank so did her smile, giving Micheal a big smack on the head. He was stupid.' Y/n...' 'It's okay... really, it is.' Y/n looked at the wood flooring hoping to remove this sad energy from her soul hoping that Ivar is having a better day than her.

'I am telling you it is true love!' Ivar screamed at his brothers seeing the doubtful gleam 'Brother, having sex is not love. That is something you cannot understand.' Ubbe restored back' 'Oh yeah... And what about your love life Ubbe, your wife isn't really faithful I heard.' Ivar halted his words seeing the sudden snap of his brother's posture, he grins 'Maybe it's because you aren't active anymore so she searches for other men to please her.' Ubbe stood up holding his hands reaching towards Ivar's neck over the table to strangle the life out of him. Ivar felt Ubbe's chubby fingers around his neck trying to choke but as much ut was dangerous it was funny to Ivar 'Brother have you... lost your inner man? I'm still here breathing.' Ivar said with little to no effort as he saw Ubbe's eyes glare at him cursing and condemning his soul and body.

'Enough!' Aslaug slammed her fist on the table startling everyone present 'Ubbe that is not how you act with your brother. Not when he is hurting.' she says softly trying to calm the brut.' His ways of thinking got me angry. ' Ubbe said trying to explain his harsh actions. Ivar looked at his older brother feeling a kick in his stomach, he stands up leaning on his crutch leveling his eyesight with Aslaug and Ubbe

'So does that mean that you do not think that I am worthy of love? Because I am just a cripple?' 'Let's face it Ivar, no one other than mother can love you.' Sigurd bugged in leaving Ivar at a loss of words. Ivar looked at his "family" seeing no smug of empathy, no desire does not help him feel better about the woman he loved so dearly. He wanted to scream at them but he needed to prove it to them

'Follow me, and I will show you the truth.' Ivar hobbled out of the dining room as he heard steps in the back following him.

The reflectors shined down on the podium as the dancers took center dancing along the musical influences that played beneath them while Y/n waited for her grand stage.

The piece de résistance.

She will have her solo number finishing off the ballet show. Her dress was long and flowing, hoping that she will seem like a floating ghost and not a white sheet falling on the floor, her hair tied into a bun pinned in with many fake jewels but still giving her regal glow and her ballet shoes neatly tightened with a bow behind her calf.

'Ready?' Micheal asked as he hopped off the stage next to her his breath trying to catch up to him. She nods as the lights dim down giving her the cue to go out, to take the final dance and close of this beautiful show. Bending her knees a little she feels the warmth lights on her back snap right back up as the music starts its first few sharp notes.

Her head snaps to the crowd seeing the influx of esteemed guests dressed in dresses and suits waiting for her to show them her skills. Standing slowly up with the music she looks further seeing the back door open a few more guests entering.

Not now.

Letting the music take her on she spins along letting her mind go blank and her feet take control. Each step careful as the last one, soft and mellow as the music played, her arms moving along with the musical air telling a story of their own, while her eyes every now and then watched the crowds reaction seeing a glimmer of silver, her eyes stop still focusing on it.

Her spins take her around still trying to see in the far back who it was. The music mellows down her movements following the pace as she takes one more final step towards the crowd ending the grand show.

Y/n bows her head and the crowd stands up in thunderous applause showing her with cheers, claps, and whistle... wolf whistles? Here? In a posh theater? She looks up seeing the person who wolf-whistled was none other than Ivar. What?! Not letting the sudden shock show she walks backstage passing the cheers of her teacher and peers and running straight to the back to see if this was happening.

Her dress flowed behind her but immediately stopped. 'Ivar.' The love of her life turned around on his crutches smiling proudly 'Now I understand what you meant.' There he was Ivar, Ubbe, Sigurd, Hvitserk, and Aslaug. How? Ivar walked along the plush corridor as Y/n drew closer and closer steps to him, hugging him tightly as possible. He hugged back feeling underneath his fingers the white fabric on her waist her sweet scent was now sweeter as if she was dipped in the richest honey.

Ivar pulls away smiling at his girl seeing her eyes he missed so dearly for the last 4 days while she gazed at his blue irises seeing that a day more and he could have a mental breakdown 'Are you alright?' Y/n asked 'I am now. My ballet princess.'

[need-a-fugue]

We Grow Together (30)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Tessa Sullivan (OFC)

Chapter Summary: There's an awful lot of hesitation going around as the team prepares to put Tessa in undercover. Can she convince them it will all work out?

Summary: Relationships can be tough, especially when one person is a recovering-from-being-brainwashed-and-tortured former assassin and the other is an overworked mutant scientist. But hey, every couple has their struggles. Right?

“No. Absolutely not. No way in hell.” It’s not simple pacing, not this time. No, Tony is positively stalking around the room. “I’m sorry, how did we even get this far?” he questions, spinning on a heel to face the group before him.

“Well,” Natasha starts, “most of us got here through sheer will and tenacity.”

Steve dramatically rolls his eyes. “You were out of the country. We didn’t think you needed to know all of the details.”

“Great,” he says, throwing his hands up in the air. “So glad to be part of the team.” He turns to Tessa and levels her with a stern stare. “I expected better from you.”

She frowns. “Why?”

“Why? Because you… you’re supposed to be smarter than… than them!”

She walks over to him and takes hold of his shoulders. “Tony, I know you hate feeling out of the loop. That’s why we’re telling you about this now. But you have to understand, we’re not asking for your permission.”

“We?” he intones bitterly. “When exactly did you all become a we?”

“Haven’t you been trying to get me to be part of the team for… forever?” she asks, voice rising an octave in irritation. “Well, I’m here. I’m part of the team.”

“You always were part of the team,” Steve says, stepping forward. “And we may not be asking for permission, but the point of this debrief is to get everyone’s opinion on where to take this next. Because we are a team.”

Bucky raises his eyebrows. “That was inspiring,” he mutters sarcastically. “Now should we vote?”

“Not if your vote is to drop it,” Tessa tells him.

“My vote is for you to stay out of it.”

“I second that,” Tony says, raising his hand high.

“This whole thing only works if Tessa’s involved,” Natasha says from her perch on the arm of the couch.

“No,” Tony drones. “No.” He pinches the bridge of his nose and blinks hard before going on. “If this guy is really doing what your ex… lover says he is, if he’s actually dicking around with highly regulated gene research, then we just need to turn him over to the proper authorities. Those being, not us.”

“So they can tell us there’s not enough evidence to launch an investigation?” Steve questions. “And in the meantime, he gets that much closer to developing some kind of super human.”

“And marketing it,” Clint supplies.

“And he’ll do it by torturing and killing mutants,” Tessa says soberly.

“And,” Tony says, “I don’t want him to do any of that, obviously. But that doesn’t make this our problem.”

Steve’s face turns livid. “Oh come on, Tony! If we don’t do something about this, there’s a damn good chance no one will. And you know that!”

“So let’s just throw our mutant teammate into the fray,” he counters angrily. “Let’s just send her over to the guy who’s looking for mutants to experiment on. Yeah, that sounds like a great plan!”

“It’s a terrible plan,” Bucky mumbles under his breath.

“Do you have a better one?” Steve asks.

“No!” Tony exclaims. “That’s why I said we should drop it!”

“All we need her for is access,” Steve tries, calming his tone as he explains. “Lobe already invited her out to their temporary facilities. If we can just find out where they are and get Tess in, then she can plant the bugs and…”

“Then what?” Bucky asks suddenly. “Then she’ll be done? You think she’ll step aside after that?” He turns his gaze to Tessa, who shakes her head in response to his inquiry. “That’s what I thought.”

“She’ll do what I tell her to do,” Steve says, voice dripping with authority.

They all turn to look expectantly at Tessa, and to her credit, she doesn’t argue. Instead she gives a curt nod and an – albeit sarcastic sounding – “Yes, sir.”

Tony sighs, long and loud. “I think you’re all being idiots.” He turns to Tessa, “You most of all.” She glares at him, but says nothing. He ambles over to her, gets within inches of her face and whispers, “Doing this won’t change anything. You think you’re helping mutants, but you’ll never be able to help the ones you lost.”

She turns on him and spits out, “I know that.” Then, after a deep breath, “That’s not what this is about.”

“Sure,” he says, backing away. “Well… you have my opinion,” he tells the team as he moves toward the door. “I’ll be in Vienna for a few days. Try not to get anyone killed while I’m gone.”

A stillness settles over the room, the remaining Avengers sitting in silence, waiting to see who’s willing to offer up the next opinion. Bruce had been working on a special project in Antwerp for a few weeks now, so he was wholly unaware of the op. That seemed like a saving grace to Steve and Tessa, neither of whom wanted to have to defend their plans to the eternal cynic. Sam had already made a point of saying that he was in – but of course he was, where Steve led, the Falcon followed. Natasha was on board, always ready to break the monotony of a day up with some missions.

Steve was surprisingly adamant about doing this. It wasn’t always 100% clear whether he was so opposed to the thought of additional super soldiers because of the harm they could cause to the word, or because of the harm they could cause to his reputation. Some people thought that he wanted to be the only one. At least, that was a theory that Bucky had proposed once after he and Steve got into it following a sparring match that landed the Captain flat on his back without an ounce of breath left in his lungs. You’re just pissed off because you’re not the strongest, fastest guy here anymore, he’d told him, leaving the fuming soldier to pout.

Whatever the reason, Tessa was just happy he was on her side.

And maybe Tony was right. Maybe this was about something more for her. Maybe it was a sort of atonement for past ills. For abandoning her family. For abandoning herself. Maybe, but none of that would change the fact that this was the right thing to do.

The only ones in the room who had not yet spoken were Wanda, Clint and Vision. And being as Clint just cannot handle an awkward silence, he’s the first to break. “Tony might be right,” he says simply, head ducked.

Natasha scoffs. “Traitor.”

“She’s not exactly experienced in the art of espionage,” he intones, waving his hand to indicate Tessa.

Natasha unfolds her arms from across her body and stares him down. “Did we not just discuss how little we actually know about her? And she loves us. I think,” she says, giving Tessa a side-eye glance. “If she can keep so much of her life hidden from us, keep her secrets that close to the vest for years, I think she can handle spending a few hours as a disgruntled geneticist looking for a job.”

“I’m just saying, she doesn’t have the training to be put into the field. It’s not that I don’t have faith in her… but she’s unproven.”

“So she’s new to undercover work. She’s been hiding the fact that she’s a mutant for how long now?”

“Well, she clearly didn’t hide it from Cal.”

“Can you please stop talking about me like I’m not standing two feet away from you?” Tessa murmurs. “It’s a little unsettling.”

“I think she’s ready,” Natasha says simply.

Clint pulls in a long, deep breath, clearly not convinced. “What about you two?” he asks, jutting his chin out at Wanda and Vision. “What say you?”

“Oh,” Vision starts, moving to the center of the room. “I think that Dr. Sullivan is quite capable. And lest we forget, she did have a life of, well, if not espionage per se, at least subterfuge, for some time before coming here.”

Tessa frowns. “Sometimes I forget that all of my files were downloaded into your brain.”

“Yes, of course,” he responds. “It can be easy to forget. But I assure you, I do know of your past achievements as an advocate and, well, for lack of a better word, superhero.”

She raises her eyebrows. “See that? I’m a superhero.”

Clint lets out a conceited psh. “You’re a science nerd with a neat talent.”

“I could end you,” she only half teases.

“Maybe,” he replies. “But could you do it without using your talent? Because if you end up using your powers with these guys, they’re libel to lock you up and turn you into a mutant guinea pig.”

“I know,” she says in an exasperated tone. “I get it.”

“If I may,” Vision interrupts. “While I do feel that Dr. Sullivan could be successful on this mission, I’m not certain that I believe the mission itself will lead to much success.”

“Why do you say that?” Steve asks.

“Because the desire to be better, to be more, is only going to continue to grow. Especially now, in the wake of Ultron. I do not think that stopping this individual will be likely to stop this program. Or if it does, I imagine another will simply take its place.”

“Hail Hydra,” Bucky smarts from the corner.

“He’s right,” Wanda says shyly. “I knew better. But I still volunteered for Strucker’s experiments. I sacrificed everything. And I’m not at all certain that I wouldn’t do it again. To get what I wanted.”

“Revenge?” Steve questions with a raised brow. “Don’t you think that we should do what we can to keep people from enhancing themselves for reasons like that?”

“It wasn’t just revenge,” she defends. “It’s like Vis said, I wanted to be something more. I wanted to be able to protect myself. And Pietro.”

“And how did that work out?” She gives him a defeated look, a hint of anger bubbling beneath the surface. “I’m sorry, Wanda. I know you had your reasons. And maybe they were good reasons. But you did help set off what was almost the end of the world.”

“And then I helped save it. Who’s to say that someone else… someone who was enhanced… by this man or any other, wouldn’t do the same?”

“And if that someone else, who may one day save the world, got his powers by torturing innocent people? By ripping the powers from someone else’s body… would that be okay? Would that be worth it?” Tessa asks softly.

Wanda turns to her, an appalled look on her face. “No. No, of course not.”

She rises from the couch and claps her hands together in a gesture of finality. “Then it sounds like we’re all on the same page here.”

000

When she walks out of the bathroom after showering, 30 minutes worth of steam billowing out behind her, she’s honestly shocked to see Bucky in bed waiting for her. “You leave any hot water for the rest of New York?” he quips as she stills in the doorway.

She tosses the towel that she’d been using to dry her hair onto a chair in the corner and steps toward his side of the bed. “I thought you’d be out on the couch,” she says solemnly, butting her knees up against the mattress.

He sits upright and leans over to her, wraps his arms around her middle. “You think I’m so pissed, I’d sleep on the couch?”

She shrugs. “Wouldn’t be the first time.” It was rare, sure, but there had been a handful of times when Bucky abandoned the comfort of their bed – abandoned the comfort of her – for the old, beat-up sofa. When their arguments got particularly heated, or when he had a nightmare and didn’t trust himself to be around her, he’d grab his pillow and the throw from the end of the bed and venture out to the living room to feign sleep.

He looks her dead in the eye. “I’m not mad at you for wanting to do this. I understand.”

“You just don’t like it,” she says, leaning closer to him.

He raises his eyebrows and lets out a small huff. “I fucking hate it.” He drops his head to her middle, resting his temple near her hip. “But you and Steve… you’re the most stubborn people I’ve ever met. And you’re both hellbent on doing this.”

She smiles as she delicately threads her fingers through his hair. “So you’re gonna skip the fight that you know you’ll lose,” she says, a lilt to her voice.

“I never actually sleep when I’m on the couch anyway,” he mumbles into her. “And I’ve got to be awake for the mission tomorrow.” He shifts a bit and looks up at her. “I’ve got to have your back.”

She smiles softly and nudges him back into the bed before climbing atop him, straddling his lap. His hands snake up beneath the back of her T-shirt and he smirks as she shivers from the cold of his metal fingers. “You’ve always got my back.”

“I do,” he agrees.

“Even when you really don’t want to.” He pulls her closer, wrapping his arms around her fully, and he nestles into her bosom. She reaches her hand into his hair, tangling her fingers in once more. “I’m sorry to make you worry.” He nods into her, but says nothing. She lays her head atop his. “I’m nervous too.”

They sit like that for several long moments, holding each other. Him squeezing her so tight, holding her so close, that she honestly feels like the most precious thing in his world. And her, gripping his hair, keeping his head safely nestled right next to her heart, reassuring him that no matter what tomorrow may bring, for tonight, she’s right here with him. “I love you,” he mumbles as he kisses her collarbone.

“I love you too.” She shifts on top of him. “But I’m getting a cramp in my hamstring.” He relaxes his grip as he lets out a chuckle, and she slides off his lap and into the space next to him.

Turning towards her, he reaches down with his metal hand and pulls the comforter up over her. They both settle into the bed, her back pressed firmly up against his chest, his metal arm holding her close. “Better?” he asks, his breath hot on her ear.

She giggles from the sensation. “Yes.” She snuggles further under the covers. “It’s freezing in here.”

“Yeah, well, you were steaming up the whole apartment. I had to open a window.” It was springtime, finally, and the warm weather had been a welcome treat. But out of the blue, the temperatures plummeted early this morning, leaving them all in an unexpected cold snap. The thought of that possibly portending something more sends a sudden shiver down her spine. “Hang on,” he says, flinging the comforter off and striding across the room to close the window.

“Not all the way,” she tells him, rolling to her opposite side to face him.

“Your hair’s wet,” he says with a furrowed brow. “You’ll catch pneumonia.” And he shuts the window, draws the curtains, and climbs back into bed.

“That’s not really how pneumonia works,” she gripes, settling onto his chest as he lays propped up on the pillows. She snuggles closer, dampening his T-shirt with her hair and gripping it tightly with her fingers. “The cold could make you more susceptible, but it’s caused by either a virus or bacteria. Not wet hair.” She continues to fist his shirt as she speaks, twisting her fingers up in the material and then straining to pull them back out. He reaches over and grabs her hand, gets it to release its hold on his clothes. “Sorry,” she says simply as he intertwines his fingers with hers.

“Why do you do that?” he asks softly, kissing her fingertips. “Worry your hands like that?”

She shrugs. “Nervous habit, I guess.”

“I keep waiting for the day you accidentally dislocate one of your fingers.”

She anxiously shifts, pulling her hand from his grip and tucking it between her thighs. “Sorry,” she repeats.

He wraps his metal arm around her and tugs her closer to his side. “What are you nervous about?” he asks, his voice somber. Again, she shrugs. “You worried about being alone with them?”

The plan for the facility visit was simple, but not without its perils. Tessa was to meet Lobe’s driver in the morning and he would take her to the undisclosed location. Lobe made no excuses about the secrecy. There was a lot of money at stake here. He wasn’t about to let just anyone know where his company’s research was taking place. They were certain that he would be taking precautions, watching for anyone who might be following. So they wouldn’t be able to stay in close proximity. But she’d have a tracker on her, and another to place in the car – along with a bug. And she’d have a virtually undetectable earpiece – technically still in the beta stage of development – so that she could remain on coms. And Sam would have his new little toy following the car at a safe distance so that they could maintain some sort of visual.

Once they got to the location, all she had to do was surreptitiously plant some bugs – each about the size of the head of a pin – as they gave her a tour. Easy-peasy.

“You know we’ll have your back,” he says into her hair. “We’ll be tracking you the whole time. No matter where they take you, we’ll never be more than a couple of minutes away.”

“I know,” she says softly.

“Are you afraid of what you might find there?” he asks after a long, thoughtful moment. “What you might see?”

She slides her chin up along his ribcage and rests it on his chest so that she can look him in the eye. “What if they’re close?” she asks. “What if they almost have it figured out?” She drops her gaze, looking past him. “What if we’re too late?”

He raises his brows. “What if we’re not? What if they’re nowhere near having it figured out? What if everything goes according to plan, and we get enough intel to have them shut down before they even get started?”

“What if we do, but then someone else starts up with the same grand plans and they do figure it all out?” she retorts, her voice rising in pitch at the end.

“You’re spinning in circles, doll,” he tells her with a crooked grin. “That’s why we don’t play the ‘what if’ game. Especially not the night before a mission.”

She snuggles back into him with a frown. “I can’t stop thinking about it,” she mumbles. “I feel like this is… so important. And if I fuck up – ”

“Hey,” he stops her, twisting around beneath her to bring himself eye to eye. “You’re not gonna fuck anything up.”

“You don’t know that,” she says, a despondency to her voice. “You don’t know how good I am at fucking things up.”

He looks deep into her eyes, takes in the pain, the regret. He recognizes that look as one he’s seen in the mirror a hundred times before. “Baby,” he tells her, “I don’t know what happened in your past… with your family… with the X-Men. I don’t know if you did or didn’t somehow fuck something up back then. But I’ll tell you this, Stark was right earlier. Doing this won’t change the past. And if you go into it thinking that it somehow could… thinking that you might be able to redeem yourself, or forgive yourself… Baby, that kind of unfocused thinking could easily compromise a mission.”

She sighs dramatically. “Damn you and your super hearing,” she mumbles. Tony had meant that piece of advice to be for her and her alone. He understood that no one else knew about what had happened all those years ago. And he understood that she wouldn’t want to answer any questions about it now.

As if he could read her mind, Bucky says, “I’m not asking about what happened. That’s not what you need to focus on. Tomorrow is about stopping some bad shit from happening in the future, not making up for some bad shit that happened in the past.”

She twists her face into his side and grumbles incoherently.

“You need to get some sleep,” he tells her, leaning away to flip off the bedside lamp. When he turns back, she wraps her arms tightly around him and pulls him close. He does the same, holding her once more like she’s the most precious thing in his world.

[apolonioramos]

HOW APOLONIO RAMOS JR EXISTED IN THIS WORLD!

This is my story. And I hope this will also help others find themselves as what I have been doing now. I studied at Namuccayan Integrated School and pursue my Senior High at Sto.Nino National High School. I will tell you further in the other chapters of my book my story. I hope you will like it.

  CHAPTER I

It was a humid windy 10 o’clock in the morning of February 04, 2004 when a cry of a baby boy was heard at Ramos residence located at Zone 03, Brgy. Namuccayan Sto. Niño, Cagayan.

           The baby boy was named APOLONIO Jr. He was named by his Father Apolonio Pacion Ramos and later on approved by her Mother Teresita Caban Duque .

           He was the youngest and only boy of her parents after his Ate Kenneth , Ate Monette and Ate Rhea .

           And that was how APOLONIO D. RAMOS JR. existed in this world.

 APOLONIO Jr.!!

           According to my Mother, my name was taken from God of Apollo  who is a God of music because my mother loves to sing and the her past time when she is pregnant she always want to hear music. According to her (my mother), she wants also want to inherit my father’s name because I am the only boy in our family.

           Knowing those characteristics, my Mom told herself that if she’ll be having the chance to give birth to a baby boy, she will surely name her APOLONIO Jr.

           I'm thankful that God had given me a handsome name. I just do hope that I can also imitate and do what my mother is expecting me to be so.

    CHAPTER II

                        MY CHILDHOOD

I can say that as a child there are lots of stories each one of us can tell. It maybe joyful or sorrowful but one thing is for sure, we always laugh at them when we remember each detail of our unforgettable experience as a child.

           I studied at Namuccayan Integrated School from Kindergarten to Grade Six and not for bragging, I was also one of the ranking pupils in our school. I owe that to the persuasive effort of my Mom who scolded me whenever I cannot read what she wanted me to read. I can still remember the time when we have to use lamps because we cannot afford to avail electricity. You can imagine how hard it is for us to study during the night. Nevertheless, her effort was very fruitful because I became a consistent honor pupil.

           I can still remember the time when we have to walk for at least two kilometres in order to reach school. Even when it is raining, we have to go to school wearing big plastic bags as our rain coats to cover our bags and things because our parents cannot buy us umbrellas.

           Life then was really so hard. Now that I’m grown up, I realize that we really got hard life. My Nanay and Tatay have to go to the farm, enduring the painful heat from the sun and rain just to earn for our living. Life is never easy, that was why they would always tell us to study very hard because they don’t want us to have a life that we have right at that moment in the future. They told us to bear with whatever they could provide us and not demand for things they can’t give us. Life has been so challenging even at my young mind but that didn’t keep me to stop pursuing my dream and goal in life.

           I was a dancer and a singer. My Nanay would always make and sew my costumes and at times I don’t like it because I envy my classmates wearing ready-made clothes while mine was not. But despite those adversities I or I should say we survived. As I have said, we need to bear whatever they could provide us.

                                   One unforgettable and afflictive experienced I had as an elementary pupil was when my parents cannot attend or watch our programs in school especially during recognition days because they have to go to the farm and work under the heat of the sun just to earn for our living. I cannot help but cry but I cannot do anything otherwise, if they will not do it how can we live?

           When I remember them, it pains my heart because I came to realize how hard and unfair life is. But these experiences made me realize as well that no matter how hard life is, we should not forget to fight and survive the challenges. It will make us stronger and prepare us to a more complicated world.

    CHAPTER III

 MY HIGHSCHOOL LIFE

 I was so excited when I was about to enter High School. Why? It is simply because my cousins were always telling me that it’s very enjoyable. New rip-roaring moments will be experienced, academic freedom is exercise, different talents can be found in there as a whole, a blind-siding experience.

           I felt so fascinated and that I anticipated attending High School classes. I did not regret enrolling at Namuccayan Integrated School because I experienced more than what I expected.

 GRADE SEVEN (S.Y. 2016-2017)

D  

Adviser: Mrs. RAECHELLE CONCEJERO

  During this School Year, it was the time of my adjustments as a freshman and adjustment to my new environment.

I was hard-up at first, but because of my cousins’ support, I made it though.

Being a student entails a great responsibility. I really need to be active in class, nevertheless, I will be behind. I became an officer at different clubs, I worked so hard in doing my school work and that I started to establish my name in my school. My closest friends before were the Grade Ten that is why my parents thought that I was a member of a sorority group, although some of my friends were.

           My mothers’ unceasing adjurations helped me endure and fight the temptations of a teen agers life.

           During this days. Jm Ramos, Jayvee Vega, Ruth Narciso, Pearl Andres and Jhon Carlo Casirayan became my closest friends and this I believed was my consolation on my efforts.

Time flies so fast and I already reached the next chapter of my life as a Grade Eight.

  GRADE EIGHT  (S.Y.2017-2018)

 I

Adviser: Mrs. Nympha Eusebio

I became more confident this year. I’ve experienced going to other schools for division and district contests. I remained in the first section. I started vying for position in the highest organization of our school the Supreme Student Government.

I was a basketball and Volleyball player. I tried as well to be one of the Masters of Ceremonies during programs at school.

           One thing very memorable that happened during this S.Y. was when Gigi became my girlfriend. That was November 28, 2017. I first experienced how to love, I don’t even know if it was really love because I was so young and fragile. I became so attached to her and I felt like I’m nobody when he’s not around. Nonetheless, I did not set aside my studies because my Nanay would always say: “99% studies, 1% lovelife. Ok lang maggirlfriend wag papabayaan ang pag-aaral.

           Whenever I have problems with her, my friends would always be there ready to listen to my sighs and cries.  Thank You Best Friends. 

           I received my first cell phone this year.

           Seems like this year ended so fast. I did not notice I was already about to enter my  higher years.

           That’s life, reality needs to be accepted. Just a blink of an eye I am now a Grade Nine student.

  GRADE NINE (S.Y. 2018-2019)

Adviser: Mrs. Olivia Marcos

           This S.Y. I believe was the most challenging and the most critical year of my high school year. I experienced a lot of achievements, of success, but many emotional failures have also arisen.

           I was then the YES-O (Youth for Environment in School Organizations) and a member of the Editorial Staff.

           The Wasalak barkada was also formed. The members were: Jm Ramos, Jayvee Vega, Ruth Narciso, Pearl Andres and Jhon Carlo Casirayan . We all belong to the same class.

           I was the one who gave the name. We fostered many good and bad habits to the campus. If there are problems, we always make sure to talk and solve the problems. We became popular although we were already, because almost all of us belong to the top of the class.

                       One time I forgot my costume together with my tumbler at school. My Father scolded me for the first time and that was my first time to be spanked by him. I cried and run away. I went to my Tita’s house. After a while they also get me.

           I went to school in the morning carrying with me my things. My eyes were bulging. In the afternoon I went to my Cousin’s house and stayed there for the week end and the following week ends after the incident at home. I thought that going and staying there would be very much beneficial for me and that I will be able to solve my problems but I was wrong. They did not even bother to call nor fetch me there. Because of that I felt so unloved. Kuya Joy, my cousin became so supportive to me and that is the reason why I can’t forget him even up to this time.

           My adviser Ma’am Olivia stood by my side all the way. Even though she’s always busy she sees to it that her class was in order. What I can’t forget about her were her pieces of advice. She became our Nanay-nanayan.

           February 15, 2018, Juniors and Seniors Promenade. Yes, I experienced my first promenade this year. It was awesome. It was so “kilig” you know why?      

           I was sitting and writing something in the table because I was finalizing our script being the MC that night. Suddenly when it was announced for Lady’s Choice  shocked when my crush want to dance with me. That was so memorable because we were the only partner dancing in the gymnasium accompanied by the music “MY LOVE”, because we will be graduating next month. That event ended very smoothly.

           Election. SSG. I vied for Vice presidency because my teachers told me to do so. Nobody has the courage to fight Ruth Danille so I didn’t have the choice. Nonetheless, I became the President of YES-O. I garnered Second Rank.

  GRADE TEN (S.Y. 2019-2020)

Adviser Mrs. Felisa Deniega

           Time really flies so fast. Just a blink of an eye I was already at the last stage of my Junior high school life.

           As a grade ten student, I have to be more responsible mot just in terms of my studies but be more responsible as an officer. We have to foster good examples to our school mates specially to the lower years.

           This year I was able to join the Leadership Training for SSG officers and compete up to the National level of Skills. I met many people, students from the different places in the country. Those events helped me gained my self-esteem and self-confidence.

           I felt fulfilled at this stage of my life. I have seen a lot of places, but I needed as well a lot of finances. That was why my parents were hard up for this.

           Despite these fulfilments, I can say that this was also the saddest moment for me as a high school student. I bid goodbye to my Alma matter, to my friends, to my best friends and to all the people who have touched my life and helped me to become who am I today.  

[carewyncromwell]

18, 27 and 35 for the OC ask :D

18. What are your OC’s greatest fears? Weaknesses? Strengths?

OOC: Carewyn at her heart is scared of being helpless or hurt and thus loves a certain level of control over whatever situation she finds herself in -- so her greatest fear, in an abstract sense, is something so dangerous and threatening that she would have no chance of overpowering, outsmarting, appealing to, rationalizing with, or escaping it. Boggart-wise, that’s expressed as Voldemort, who sort of ticks all those boxes.

Carewyn’s weaknesses -- gosh, let’s organize this...

Does not trust other people with her problems, flaws, insecurities, or feelings. AT ALL. She is very happy to help other people with their problems and comfort and counsel them, but she just cannot open herself up the same way, thanks to the trauma her brother’s disappearance caused. She would rather shut her friends out completely than let them see her at her worst. Despite Carewyn’s outward appearance of confidence and paragon virtue, she’s actually very difficult to get to know well.

Puts on a strong face rather than admit there’s a problem. This is kind of attached to the first bullet, but it can also mean she’ll try to bury any pain she feels and soldier through if it means sparing her friends’ feelings or reaching a higher goal.

Has way too high of standards, especially for herself. She’s never satisfied with anything she does, so although she puts on a pretty face, she secretly struggles with deep self-loathing and will often push herself past the point of reason. This can make her very judgmental of other people too sometimes -- if she sees you in a negative light, like that you’re vain, cruel, selfish, or stupid, it can be hard to change her mind or prove that you’ve changed for the better.

Overly sensitive. She’s been forced to toughen herself up on the outside, so she isn’t as prone to cry or lash out angrily like she might’ve when she was a little girl, but that sensitivity can still get her in trouble, as rather than expressing any hurt she feels openly, she cloisters it away, which can make it fester and then express itself as passive-aggressiveness or cold resentment. This is also the reason why Occlumency is harder for Carewyn than Legilimency.

Overly serious. This is attached to the above bullet point -- she doesn’t enjoy most pranks or practical jokes because she gets focused on the pain and embarrassment it could cause someone else, projects her own experience with bullying onto the person, and thus takes the situation too seriously. Just because she’s toughened herself up on the outside doesn’t mean she doesn’t still project her sensitive emotions onto everyone else.

Surprisingly ruthless when backed into a corner. If Carewyn is terrified for her life or her emotions are very raw and painful, she’ll ditch any wit or subtlety and she can bite back really hard. She always regrets it afterwards when she gets her head back.

Fortunately Carewyn has some nice strengths too!

Has a very strong personal moral compass. Even though she can often be a victim of her own pride and stubbornness, she legitimately wants to be great, and she’s decided the best way to do that is to be someone who can help others. Although her wish to be a great witch who helps people is self-focused in a way, because helping people makes Carewyn feel happy and better about herself, it’s undeniably a noble wish all the same.

Empathetic. Partially thanks to her great sensitivity and partially thanks to her latent Legilimency potential, Carewyn has never had trouble putting herself in someone else’s shoes, so she can be incredibly accepting and compassionate to those different from her.

Maternal. Because of her insight and compassion for others, she will look after her friends when they neglect their own physical or emotional well-being, whether by making sure they eat and sleep more, giving advice, or encouraging their personal ambitions.

Clever. Carewyn isn’t as academically brilliant as her brother, but she’s got great interpersonal intelligence, making it relatively easy for her to predict other people’s behavior. That being said, she’s not half bad at magic either! 

Organized. Carewyn has a talent for seeing the big picture, analyzing potential assets or liabilities, and looking ahead toward the future with a plan, which makes her an ideal choice to organize any sort of project or movement.

Brave. No matter how scared or full of self-doubt she may be in any given situation, Carewyn is no pushover and she will stand up for those who can’t stand up for themselves.

27. What kind of childhood did your character have?

[Carewyn shrugs.]

“It was all right.”

School wasn’t so fun -- but at least Bobbie and his gang backed off and stopped calling me “Gingersnap” after Jacob broke Bobbie’s nose...

“It was a little hard for Mum, Jacob, and me to afford things sometimes after Dad left, but we managed all right. Hogwarts’s student fund helped a bit with Jacob’s school supplies, so we could get them second-hand a bit easier. We had to get a lot of my stuff second-hand too, but...well, it wasn’t so awful. Mum was able to find me some pretty dresses at the thrift stores and flea markets around town.”

The kids at school loved mumbling and laughing about me wearing the same dress three times a week, but they were still pretty -- did it really matter, that I didn’t have more of them?

“Then of course Jacob would tell me all about Hogwarts whenever he came home during spring, summer, and winter break.”

I always missed Jacob so much when he went away...

“And when Jacob was at school and Mum and I had time at home together, she’d teach me all about the Wizarding World. So even when things did get tough, I knew I had something great to look forward to.”

35. How is your character’s imagination? Daydreaming a lot? Worried most of the time? Living in memories?

Do I ever stop dreaming -- dreaming of what would’ve been, if things were the way they should...dreaming of everything I could’ve done -- should’ve done better?

“(lightly) I suppose I have a pretty good imagination -- it really helps me get into whatever music I’m singing along to, if I can imagine someone behind the words. I like picturing the imagery in my head when I’m reading Talbott’s poems, too.”

OC Ask! or Send Carewyn an Owl!

[yfere]

M9 Signature Moves! (Out of Combat Edition)

Part 2, with some scattered commentary.

Fjord

Fjord wants to understand other people even if he’s not the best at it. Meanwhile, he’d like to avoid making himself understood. He doesn’t like scrutiny, or vulnerability. Better to step back behind someone else.

Mask of Many Faces. What he says: I like people watching :) What he means: I like imitating other people’s voices and appearances to cope with my many issues :)

Deception Check. The funny thing is, I’m fairly certain Fjord’s talent for deception comes not through dedicated practice or being a habitual liar/obfuscater so much as having deadpan sarcasm levels that are so God Tier that everyone else has to really work at figuring out whether he’s joking or not at any given moment. “Make a deception check,” Matt says, when Fjord is literally just making a shitty sarcastic joke. The party routinely giving him Doubtful Looks until he has to explain that he really was just joking, he didn’t mean that, why would you think he meant that. Likes to joke sometimes to avoid more uncomfortable emotions. It’s important to him, to keep it together.

Gift of the Depths Magic that helped him cope with the drowning thing. Erroneously assumes it will also help other people cope with their water issues as well.

Help Action The beautiful thing about Fjord, I think, is that oftentimes he will not lead in any particular task. Even the ones where technically, they would benefit by him leading! What he does instead, routinely, is pick someone else for the task, someone better than him (Caleb for history and investigation, Caduceus for insight, Jester and Beau for perception and so on) or even just a person who wants to do it, and he will help them with that task, or at the very least make sure they get help. And his help is always a useful thing to have. It helps him, too, to step back, to get out of the glare of the spotlight.

Beau

Beau is curious, she is intelligent, and she is talented. But as much as she postures, she’s not really as confident in her abilities as she should be by rights.

Extort Truth Don’t. Lie. To. Me. How Beau wants to know things, wants to know them so badly she will go after secrets with the bluntest of instruments, something painfully obvious—and it will work for her. It works when she punches the truth out of people, just as  it works when she threatens not to let you into her library unless you tell her of your sordid past.

Persuasion Check Don’t. Lie. To. Me….please? No, but it’s brilliant how the party relies on her to handle their most fraught social encounters, even though she’s not the most charismatic, even though she’s personally better at lying than telling the truth. Because, despite everything, she’s the most trustworthy of all of them. They believe in her, rely on her, and they should.

History Check Beau might claim she’s more interested in the doodles of the margins of the books she read at the Cobalt Soul than the texts themselves, but at least part of that is posturing. She’s a big nerd who has done a lot of studying of some obscure shit, and she’s always looking around her to see if any of the fuckery they encounter matches up with one of those shitty lessons she had at the monastery. She pays attention, okay?

Acrobatics Check “I parkour.” It’s gotten to the point where she does not actually need to make skill checks to do her parkour magic. Still, nothing beats running your way out of a literal pit.

Caleb

What Caleb says and what he does are two very different things. Maybe once you take all his spell components away, he’ll actually be forced to use language to express how he feels. But who are we kidding. He’ll start muttering in Zemnian and you’ll be right back where you started with him.

Leomund’s Tiny Hut As with much of Caleb’s magic, a love letter to his special people. Says all the things he refuses to. Developed in an obsessive fervor while his friends were kidnapped, and unveiled when they were rescued so no one would be taken in the night again. Someday, he will make them something even better. He believes in a future where he will make them something even better.

Identify Demonstrating succinctly a lot of what makes Caleb a lovely and generous person, and also what makes him a bit of a secret-hoarding asshole. Because he likes doing favors for people, and showering them with gifts, and when you’re poor the gift lies in the identify and the giving, even when technically the item you were giving away was communal property in the first place. But also, when Caleb wants something because he thinks it’s fair for him to have as it was fair for the others to have their things, he will learn what it is, and he will keep it without a word. Jerk! Explain exactly what it is so we can keep the illusion that this is a fair process you’ve set up!

Find Familiar Caleb really loves Frumpkin, and Frumpkin is supposed to be a cat, and supposed to be with him, getting pet. But if Frumpkin has to be something else because you need him to be, he will. If Frumpkin has to scope out enemy territory for you to be safe, so be it. Frumpkin will be your landing pad, he will be the trade that will let a caged creature go free, he will sit in your pocket as a replacement owl, he will sit in the rain in the dark and watch over you while you sleep.

Suggestion Sometimes Caleb doesn’t want to leave things up to chance. Deep down, he doesn’t really trust people, so when he’s uncertain or threatened he’ll substitute persuasion and insight to force someone to do what he needs them to do. Tell us the truth about who you are. Show me any dangerous items you have on your person. Go with us into the water, so you are not left behind.

Nott

Nott wants to go back to being Veth, but in some ways she’s really living her best life right now, causing trouble and learning how to cause trouble doing things she never knew how to do before.

Message She can talk to who she pleases, but she and Caleb get their own private line, where no one else is invited “You can reply to this message, and only I can hear your reply.” One of their first spells together, the beginning of Nott the Brave, the Arcane Trickster.

Disguise Self Nott wants to feel comfortable in her own skin. And she doesn’t feel it with the spell, she feels just the same, but she looks the way she is supposed to, and that’s a step. A painful step, when the son she hugs can feel the wrongness of her through the illusion even as she clings to him.

Tinker Check/Alchemist’s Supplies Nott is nothing if not a smart cookie, creative, and reckless as fuck. She will mess with chemicals and she will mess with acid and she will mess with gunpowder—all things which feature centrally in special moves that never quite go as planned like Fireline and Fluffernutter. She will blow things up—sometimes herself. But that’s the joy of a creative mind, really.

Mage Hand Why disable the trap when you can just set it off at a distance? Explosions are more fun to watch than not-explosions, after all. Also makes you look like a cool motherfucker when you’re in a drinking contest.

Jester

Art, heart, and imagination...that is Jester. What she does is more than just pranks and troublemaking, though--her skills are integral to solving any goal put forward by the M9. And what of her own goals? Time will tell.

Sending Caleb might be good enough with his polymorphs to turn people into other people, but Jester, her art, and her imagination give her an edge in another spell. All you have to do is describe a person to her, good enough for her to do a real nice police sketch, to imagine what the person is like. And she’ll be able to cast a spell that will communicate with them anywhere, even though she’s never laid eyes on them before. A hard spell to wrangle for a natural chatterbox, maybe, but her sheer talent you cannot deny.

Zone of Truth She’s too good of an investigator to really need it for interrogation, or believe it when she does use it for detective work. Zone of Truth, Jester believes, can only be truly relied on when paired with the sacrosanct tradition of Truth or Dare.

Locate Object Woooooow, so she was the only one not to get robbed, huh? Guess who is the most responsible person with money after all? Jester is always looking for things important to other people, whether it be lost coinpurses, seals, or those creepy cloven orbs that Fjord keeps sticking into his body. “Oh, he’s going to be so upset!” she despairs, when she can’t find it. But then she picks up where the key has gone, and lights up with joy. She looks for what’s important to others, before ever looking for what’s important to her (because once you stop stop looking it will hit you in the face)

Forgery Kit The pen is mightier than the sword! At nigh every stage of her adventure with the M9, it has been her immaculate paper trail that has enabled them to accomplish their goals and not end up rotting behind bars. Pulled off some amazing government reshuffling, too. I would fear her as a diplomat.

Caduceus

Caduceus has very set ideas about how the world works, but sometimes his lack of experience with the outside world causes him real problems. He isn’t worried, though.

Insight Check Caduceus is a person Fjord believes with some justification to be a kind of mind reader. He certainly has pretty god-like powers here, and he is both a benevolent god and just. He senses sugar off of you, he will bring you a veggie platter. He senses guilt, he will release you from prison against your will so you can face your wrongdoings in the world. Caduceus knows best--at least Caduceus thinks so.

Divination When Caduceus finds out you have family you’re searching for, he will invoke Melora’s aid to find out if they’re safe out there, or what direction they're headed in so you can save them. Caduceus, aren’t you wondering what happened to your own family? No, he’s not going to cast a spell for that, it’s best if he didn’t question…

Create Food and Water Above all else, Caduceus wants the people he cares about to be eating well. Do his non-vegetarian, pocket-bacon loving friends agree with him on what eating well is? Is the beanpole skinny-ass firbolg eating well himself? Ummmmm…

Nature Check he doesn’t know what that is or how it works, but it sure is pretty. When you think about it, everything is just more territory. Nature is nature no matter where you go. Sure, that man-eating seaweed seems a bit odd, as does the enormous murderous bird.  But when you think about it, can you really be surprised by it?

Yasha

Yasha struggles a lot--with grief, with getting close to people. But in her strange, standoffish way, she is always there when it counts. And she’ll always be there, for her entire life and beyond. She has that kind of loyalty, that kind of drive.

Investigation Check She looks for flowers, and special things, in out of the way places, and keeps them in her book.

Strength Check These arms are worth a lot! A check tailor made for impressing people at circuses, winning arm wrestling competitions, and for chasing tail while saving your friends.

Dexterity Check You can shave your friend with your greatsword. That’s how you keep your legs so smooth and shiny, after all.

Necrotic Shroud It happened again.

[moonlightreal]

Winx Club season 8/21

In which we all do some DDR.

21 Dance Contest on Melody

More Musa/Riven stuff, strap in guys!  I swear, this season turned me from not caring about that ship to hating it with a fiery passion.  Come on relationship, redeem yourself already so I can go back to standing peacefully outside all fandom drama sources like I want to!

Alfea!  Grizelda is teaching “magical self defense class”  in the courtyard.  I like how we’re seeing all the teachers—except Avalon, I wonder what happened to him!  They’re doing magic shield practice and Knut and Kiko are shooting cannonballs with a catapult to be shielded against. I wonder if shields against a physical object and shields against a magic zap are a different spell.  But grizelda says the cannonballs ‘simulate a magic attack’ so maybe not.

Stella’s shield is a gold star.

Musa is up next, she practiced a lot but her phone rings just at the wrong time. Riven wants to go out for ice cream!  Musa does not sound enthused, like at all.

So they’re back together?  I don’t really remember them getting back together.  My guess is here’s what happened: the second-half writers were told that part of the plot in the first half was that Musa and Riven would get back together, and then the first-half writers… flubbed it.  It happens to us all, you get to the end of the story and realize you didn’t manage to do one of the things you were planning to do.

Or else this ice cream date is Riven’s attempt to actually get back together.  

  Because she’s paying attention to her phone she nearly gets beaned with a cannonball, and then Knut launches Kiko from the catapult, and then the star box appears to save us from the slapstick.

...Is this a glitch?  The box floats there silently and the Tecna says something about the world of music.  I think the dubbers forgot to put in the sound file!

I like that the minor fairies also gather around to hear the star box.  I wonder if some of them are hoping in their hearts that this time the box will say it’s someone else’s destiny to find the prime star.  We never see the minor fairies being jealous, but they must be, the Winx get to do everything and they’re singers too!

Bloom asks to be excused and Grizelda says the fate of the magic universe is indeed more important than their lesson.

So Musa texts Riven that they have to go save the universe again.  Flora says Musa should give him one more chance, “it’s just ice cream.”  Flora, I love you but quit pressuring Musa! -_-

Musa: ‘I don’t need him telling me his feelings unless he can show me!”  Uh, I agree with the sentiment Musa, but that’s what he did with the hologram projector and all that showed was that he’s a bonehead. But Musa perks up because she’ll get to see her dad.

Bloom is concerned about the Trix getting there ahead of them, but Stella says there’s no way the Trix could be there already and we cut to…

The Trix were there already!  Aerial zappy battle for the star, which is on top of one of these really cool giant rock spires that have the tops carved into treble clefs.  Love the geography!  I want to imagine who carved these things, I wonder how people know when they move into a realm what kind of magic it will have.  The girls’ home realms each have a certain flavor, while Magix isn’t associated with any particular kind of magic. Imagine being an explorer visiting new realms to discover their magic...

In the fight the prime star gets dislodged and its little hamster ball goes sailing off towards the city.  Everybody follow it!

Musa says, ‘it’s flying toward the Melody disco!”  wait, is that whole thing a disco?  The scales of things are sometimes confusing, I thought it was a whole city but maybe it’s just one building.

Cut to… a disco! Or some kind of… do nightclubs really look like that?  Colored lights, big speakers, several levels of dance floors, big screens. Very cool.  The partygoers do not look particularly traditionally Asian, they’re all colors and wearing big pants and hats and sweaters.  I think this is like, Asian punk clothing?  K-pop style? I don’t follow K-pop and I don’t go to night clubs, but if they looked like this I might.  

And there’s Galatea!  The art style has actually made her look older than she was, she’s wearing the same dress as when we saw her in the sovereign council, that super skinny dress with the ruffles up front. I feel like the very classical-music Galatea should look more uncomfortable at this not-classical club, she doesn’t fit aesthetically, but she’s having a grand time announcing the annual Melody disco competition.

The Winx come in, Musa says this is Melody’s biggest party and Galatea organizes it every year.  it’s like her pet project, I love it!  Galatea holds up the prize for the “dancing queen”, a crown with a treble clef on it, and the prime star landed inside.

Ok, it flew from outside and landed perfectly in the crown and Galatea’s holding it up and doesn’t notice?  Come on. ...was what I wrote when watching in Italian, but in English it’s even worse because Galatea did see it and she just says, ‘this crown and a special extra that just fell from above.”  So Galatea doesn’t recognize an important magical item or wonder where it came from or why… groan.

So Musa goes, “Hey, Galatea, old friend, we need that star and then you can go back to enjoying your contest!” and Galatea gives it to her--

Not.  That is not what happens.

Flora does suggest they just ask for the star but Musa says it won’t be that easy, “Princess Galatea takes this event very seriously.”

The Trix are here too.  Icy tries some magic to “bring down the house!” and it doesn’t work and all the punk kids glare at her.  She looks quite worried for just being glared at by a bunch of punk kids!

Galatea says very prissily, “Remember, the disco is protected against magic attacks, so no cheating please.”  I dunno if it’s just me but I’m seeing Galatea as, she acts all prissy but she’s like a stealth nerd who pretends to be all formal but secretly just has a ball going off on nerd stuff.  Or in this case, disco.  Maybe that’s just me reading what I want to see into the character ‘cause it’s such a fun image of her.

Anyway, we’ll just have to win the contest to get the prime star!

Bloom seems pretty happy about this, and Aisha says the star case mentioned harmony so winning a music contest would make sense as a way to get the star.

Stella says, ‘everybody, hold still!” and gets everyone dressed up. Gradient-colored outfits with neon edging.  Bloom comes off worst, the designers couldn’t bring themselves to go with blue so she’s in mostly a muddy purple and her hairstyle is not good.  Flora’s is similarly blah, Musa has cute banding across her top and I like her very ninties hair.  Tec is cute in green and Stella in yellow. Aisha’s turquoise with purple neon looks the best, and she says this might be the best outfit Stella’s ever put together.

Are these dolls?  I hope so.  I not-so-secretly want Winx dolls with glow in the dark elements, because I want them to be Moondreamers.  Cosmix totally granted my Winx-moondreamers wish, except for the glow in the dark stuff part!

Musa’s ready to dance but the others tell her to go see her dad while she can.  The others mention Aisha is a talented dancer, yay for them remembering that.  So Musa goes to visit her dad.

The Trix notice Musa’s leaving and Darcy wants to go after her to make sure she doesn’t “know something we don’t.”  Smart, Darcy!  Icy grabs her sister and says they have to win the crown.  But Darcy says, ‘You don’t need me, you have our secret weapon.”  What weapon?

  Icy and Stormy get their dance clothes on and they look awesome!  Way better than the Winx.  Icy’s hairdo is a bit much but other than that they rock.

We cut to Red Fountain.  Sky and Brandon are sparring.  Riven is brooding about Musa avoiding him.  Sky says he should try talking to her, but Riven says every time they talk they end up arguing.  Brandon suggests they argue because they have strong feelings.  Sky says, “Talk to musa face to face, show her your feelings.’  which is what Riven’s been trying to… sigh.

Back on Melody Stella offers to help explain the dance contest rules.  Galatea recognizes her by name so the girls totally could call on their friendship with Galatea to get the star.  it’s also cool that one royal recognizes another.

This dance contest is like DDR Twister, anywhere on the floor can light up and also spots in the air.  I cannot wait until this is a real thing in AR. It’s coming, people.  It’s coming.  

Stella eventually flubs it, she gets catapulted off the stage and lands in Bloom’s arms.  Galatea explains if a dancer misses even one step she’ll be eliminated

Icy vs Flora dance! People recognize Icy, Galatea does… and nobody calls the police to report public enemies on the loose and in the same room with the princess!  People cheer for Icy like she’s a normal contestant. Maybe they don’t realize she’s THAT Icy..?

Bloom says, “Icy’s not bad!” in both Italian and English.  Flora grins cutely the whole time and is pretty adorable, but she loses and gets carried off the stage in a bubble which pops, dropping her in Aisha’s arms.

I used to love DDR. I was terrible at it, but it’s fun.

Darcy is following Musa to her house.  Musa meets her dad!  Hugs!  Musa’s house is cool, it’s Asian-ish with like, lines of music along the roof..

Inside, screens, sliding doors, Asian style tea set.  Musa remembers her childhood with her parents, it’s really sweet.  Baby Musa has two pigtails. There’s a huge double-harp, it has part an upright normal harp and part a bench with harp strings over it and Matlin and Ho-boe played it together.  I wonder if that’s a real thing, it’s like the sofa of harps.  Hoe-bo calls it the “Harmony harp” and says even the stars come to listen.  It can only be played by two people whose hearts are in harmony, so hoe-bo hasn’t been able to play it since Matlin died.

Darcy: ‘What a sweet moment.  I’d better ruin it right away.”

pffft!  Darcy, I love you, never change.

Tecna vs Stormy dance!   Stormy says it’s time for the Trix to unleash their secret weapon, but Tecna isn’t worried.  She says the dance contest is kind of like a video game.  And it is, but you need physical strength and speed too.   If I were writing this I’d have Tecna say, “Anything where you can ‘level up,’ I can win!’

Stormy turns out to be “better than Icy… a lot better.”   Tec gets farther than Flora did and ends up in a perfect tie with Stormy.  Galatea chirps, “Double perfect!” and tec says ‘achievement unlocked” again. They go to a higher level that’s like breakdancing where you have to spin around on your back and stuff.   Eventually Stormy wins.

Galatea should not be so chipper about public enemy numbers one and three winning her contest.  She knows who the Trix are, she’s calling them by name…

Stella runs right up to icy, “wait-wait-wait, STORMY was your secret weapon?”

Stormy: ‘Five time dance witch champion.”

Icy: ‘She’s kind of a rising star in the world of dark dance competitions.”

Bloom: “Dark dance competitions?”

Aisha: “It’s a thing.  Unfortunately.”

Ok that was great.  and Aisha’s delivery of that last line was spot on.

Musa is eating ice cream with her dad, it’s sweet.  He asks why ice cream and guesses it’s about Riven.  Musa says, “It’s not about Riven.  It’s never about Riven actually.”  Hmm.

Darcy is lurking outside, she says ‘Musa’s making this too easy.  I’ll finish it with a single shot.” O_o

thankfully riven turns up to save the day.  They fight but Darcy can do all her illusion stuff and she wins without too much trouble, and puts a mind control spell on Riven.  She sounds just delighted at her new plaything.  Now she can cause even more havok!

Musa hears a noise outside and thinks it’s the Trix, but it’s Riven.  She invites him in, and she sounds… not drama-y.  She just apologizes for canceling their date and says they can have ice cream now.  Darcy gloats.

Next time: more dancing!  Riven and Musa!  Stormy wins the contest!  Gee, that’s a spoiler.

[shes-claws-deep]

Brothel Demonstration - Mercy, Reinhardt, Zenyatta

My good girl Angela is an excellent choice for a demonstration, as is Reinhardt, a retired breeding bull. Zenyatta is currently not on the roster as a slave, but he is available for massages and aftercare.

Jack brings in Angela and Reinhardt by their collars, Zenyatta following behind obediently. Angela is scantily clad in tissue-thin panties and a simple harness around her chest to emphasise her breasts, leaving nothing to the imagination. Reinhardt is completely bare, exposing his well-built form and the thick, flaccid cock hanging between his legs. They are then made to kneel beside the Madam, both clasping their hands behind their back. Zenyatta, too, follows suit, though he is wearing a tasteful set of trousers.

The Madam first gestures to Angela, running her hand over the blonde’s loose hair.

Angela, oh Angela. Formerly a doctor working in emergency medicine, Angela still carries the stress of the profession on her shoulders. She is very responsive, very pent up, and very, very horny. Once you get her going, there’s no way she’s going to stop. She can cum for ages and still feel the urge to keep fucking, to keep cumming.

With a nod from his boss, Jack extends Angela’s legs and straps leather cuffs to her thighs, knees, and ankles. The cuffs on her knees are attached to her chest as Jack easily manipulates Angela into position against his body. He reaches up for a few chains hanging from the ceiling, attaching them to her chest, her ankles, and her thighs so she hangs in place. Then, bit by bit, he raises her until she’s suspended above the ground, her holes perfectly level with the Madam’s waist.

Perfect. Thank you, Jack. Now, Angela’s holes are greedy. Very greedy indeed. She can take cocks of any size; even the biggest dildos are no match for her pussy. Observe.

The Madam takes a horse-like dildo from the nearby cart, hefting it before the audience to show exactly how big it is. Its girth is larger than the Madam’s bicep and as long as her forearm. She douses it in lube, smearing some on Angela’s already leaking pussy, and nudges the flared tip against her clit.

The blonde moans tremulously, her lips already slack before her Mistress starts to stuff the huge cock into her pussy. Her pussylips stretch to an incredible size, swallowing up the cock slowly but surely. She struggles as she passes the halfway mark, but her restraints hold her too well, stopping her from moving as the Madam forces the rest of it in. The base is then secured with an additional strap, holding it inside her stuffed, leaking pussy so she can milk it as much as she wants.

She loves being humiliated, my angel does. Overstimulation too. Oh, but if you could combine both, Angela will become the ultimate pet for a lucky customer.

Jack hands the Madam a huge butt plug, one with cables trailing from the flat end. This plug goes into Angela’s winking asshole, the bud already stretching open from the strain in her legs and the position she’s held in. It goes in without a fuss with the help of some lube, filling Angela’s other hole to the brim. She sobs out loud and pleads with the Madam, begging her to stop as she feels too full. She’ll break. Please stop.

The Madam merely smiles and takes a vibrating wand. Presses it against her clit. And watches her dance.

Cumslaves like you don’t get to choose, my angel. If I want you to dance for my audience, then dance you will. Remember that you’re nothing more than my cumrag.

Angela yells at the top of her voice, the intense vibrations sending her over the edge. Forcing her to cum once. Then twice in quick succession. And then three times. Over and over and over until she’s nothing more than quivering, mindless slave.

The Madam grins at the audience and comes up behind Angela, using the opportunity to not only attach the vibrator to her clit but to fondle her breasts and pinch her nipples until they turned cherry red from the abuse.

At this point, Angela is senseless and trembling uncontrollably, her eyes long rolled into her skull and her tongue lolling out of her mouth.

Now, the Madam turns to Zenyatta.

Keep her awake, Zenyatta. I want her to suffer every bit of pleasure I deign to give her.

The omnic bows and sends an orb of harmony forth, the golden wisp hanging above Angela and rejuvenating her. The stream of healing does its job, bringing the former doctor to her senses and making her scream anew at the intense pain of her multiple orgasms.

Reinhardt. Ah, Reinhardt. A former breeding bull of mine. As you can see, he is incredibly hung. Almost as much as a horse, one might say.

The Madam bids the massive man to stand and fondles his cock until it rises to full mast.

Although much older than the rest of my merchandise, Reinhardt still maintains an intense regiment to keep up his libido. I daresay he is still able to fuck anyone into unconsciousness if given the order. His stud roots cannot be denied, even in retirement.

She spins him around and forces him to bend over, putting his hands on his ass cheeks so he’s able to spread himself wide open.

His hole is well used and well seasoned, able to pull orgasms out of any cock that penetrates him. He’s not as, hm, stretchy as the Shimada brothers, but he can cum from anal penetration alone. He is experienced in prostate milking and he’s very, very sensitive there.

To demonstrate, she dons a glove and douses her fingers in lube, then slips them into him with only a small moan escaping him. Still, Reinhardt maintains his posture with his feet wide apart despite the tremble in his fingers. The Madam probes deep with two fingers, dipping and clawing until she finds his prostate with unerring ease.

Immediately, he cries out and his knees shake as she stimulates his prostate with an ease born from experience.

Jack, get down on your knees and suck his cock for me. I want our audience to see exactly how much cum our giant can produce.

Without complaint, Jack kneels before Reinhardt, offering the massive man a place to brace himself as the scarred man swallows Reinhardt’s monster cock down his throat. In tandem, they tease and drive Reinhardt to a frenzy; Jack through his silver tongue and clever lips, and the Madam through her fingertips at his now bulging prostate.

Like Angela, Reinhardt begins to beg and plead, rocking his hips back and forth needily to get more sensation. More pleasure. More everything. Luckily for him,, his demonstration also includes copious amounts of cum.

Reinhardt can only cum on command; if he isn’t given permission, he will be unable to orgasm no matter how hard he tries. So, ladies and gentlemen, is he allowed to cum?

A resounding yes echoes throughout the room and Reinhardt can only sob in relief as he cums like a hose. Jack can only swallow one mouthful before he’s forced to retreat, taking a bucketload of cum on his face and his chest. Reinhardt’s cock bobs and twitches, spewing spurt after spurt until Jack’s face looks like it’s been glazed with icing. Yet, he continues to cum even after his cock settles down into a half hard state, helped along by your handy fingers at his prostate that keep the milk going.

With your fingers in his ass, Reinhardt will be forced to cum again and again until you stop. When he was a breeding bull, he was trained to keep cumming until he’s absolutely worn out; which means that he has to drop unconscious before his libido forces him to stop.

On cue, Reinhardt’s cock swells back to full strength, pressing insistently against Jack’s mouth until he opens up and takes his fellow slave’s cock down his throat again. The Madam stops fingering his ass, this time dragging over a fucking machine and impaling him on the massive dildo mounted upon it. Both Reinhardt and Jack can only moan as the movements rock him back and forth, controlling the pace such that both men can only take what the machine dishes out.

And that’s it for this demonstration, everyone! If anyone would like to get a taste of either Angela’s or Reinhardt’s cum, please step forward and I’ll let you have a lick. Both are insatiable when it comes to pleasure and orgasms, so I’m sure whoever has them for the night will be just as wrung out as they are now.

Angela wails loudly as she cums for the nth time, the floor beneath her soaked through and a large puddle of her cum already pooling, the cum dripping around the huge dildo still jammed deep in her pussy. As for Reinhardt, he’s breathing through his second orgasm from Jack’s talented mouth and the insistent cock fucking his ass and jabbing at his prostate, covering the floor in a thin white layer of cum before he jerks back to hardness again.

Zenyatta will be available for samples of his incredible massage skills. Tantric massages are also on the menu, as is relaxation massages and meditating spas.

[kotolocke]

Entry #01: New Bark & Beyond.

God it really has been a week since I started this blog and I still haven’t updated it? Gotta stop being useless and post more regularly. I’ve made decent headway into the game so I have several posts I need to make about it. So let’s get started. I’ll save y’all from a long summary of the game events and stick with just mentioning important game-play stuff and how Lyra reacts to them.

First up: Elm’s request.

   This whole little introductory quest that Elm sends her on is actually kinda meaningful to her perception of herself as a trainer. In blog cannon, Lyra immediately goes to collect her starter from Elm after having a massive argument with her Mum about leaving home, which ended with her Mum basically pushing her out of the door and telling her she wouldn’t care if she came back. She would. She didn’t mean it, she was just lashing out. But Lyra didn’t know that and she ran most of the way to the lab choking back tears.

   So she takes a deep breath, calms herself down and as soon as she’s in the lab, Elm’s asking her to act as a representative of the lab and complete an important task for them. At this point, Lyra’s already been helping out around the lab for some time so this isn’t entirely out of the ordinary. But being asked to take care of a “real” “discovery” one of Elm’s peers has made whilst she’s still highly fraught from a fight but is pretending that she’s totally fine? This is the basis of the person she becomes. Someone who thinks of herself as a highly important “chosen person” who cannot express her real emotions or else she’ll won’t be taken seriously or allowed to follow her goals. Because something tells me Elm wouldn’t be too comfy sending a crying eleven year old off into the wild world of Pokemon after a big fight with her parents.

Next up: Lyra’s starter.

   Meet Cabbage!

   She’s an extremely sheltered Chikorita who honestly never thought she was actually going to end up travelling with a trainer. Surely she was just going to spend the rest of her life in the lab with the Professor? Lyra decided otherwise, and decided primarily because she was the only girl of the three Pokemon Elm was raising. Lyra was anticipating getting some flack for being a young girl on a Pokemon journey so she kinda projected some of this onto Cabbage. Moron boy trainers would probably turn their nose up a cute, female Pokemon so she should had to take Cabbage with her so she wouldn’t feel like she was anyone’s last choice.

   Cabbage would have been okay with that but unfortunately can’t tell Lyra how she feels. She’s just gotta learn to embrace all the terrifying Pokemon battles Lyra puts her through. Which happens surprisingly quickly; Lyra’s an impatient girl but she always gives her Pokemon the time they need to adjust. Speaking of adjust:

Cabbage is legitimately confused and slightly irritated about her nickname. It’s the first of many little annoyances that eventually lead to her becoming stubborn and standoffish towards Lyra as she grows more confident.

Next: Mr. Pokemon & Professor Oak.

   In terms of character development, this whole scenario kinda bolsters Lyra’s ego even more. But I want to single it out because it’s the start of one of her three major plot threads:

   This fckin’ egg. This egg is important and eventually hatches into one of Lyra’s core team members. This egg is also lowkey a symbol of everything early journey Lyra thinks about herself. She’s so unique and powerful and special, Elm can see she’s naturally good with Pokemon so he chose her to go on this dangerous quest to collect a mysterious egg! And better yet, during this quest the esteemed Professor Oak, advisory to the legendary Red, asks her if she can help him out with something too!

   He gives her a high-tech Pokedex, an item so exclusive that only a handful of trainers own one? Wow she must be the best trainer out there, she’s only just got her first Pokemon and everyone’s falling over themselves to get her to do trainer stuff for them. Clearly she’s hyper naturally talented and all the smart Pokemon experts know it! She’s a dumbass child. I love her.

   Anyway, why’s the egg important you ask? Oh—

—no reason.

And finally: Silver.

   Did you know: Lyra absolutely hates Silver’s guts pretty much until she sees he also hates Team Rocket? Because he kinda epitomises the older boys who would belittle her for being a girl who wanted to be a trainer?

   It’s pretty clear to Lyra that Silver kinda knows some shit about Pokemon training because she hears him muttering shit about Elm’s lab being “famous”. Bitch, the only people that Elm’s famous to are fringe nutcase trainers who breed for something they call IVs because he’s basically lord high king of egg knowledge or whatever. That makes it doubly annoying when Silver tries to kick her when she asks if he’s getting a Pokemon there too and twice as satisfying when she knocks him over with a retaliation kick and stamps off righteously. She’s especially glad that she chose Cabbage at this point; just thinking of what he might say about her makes Lyra fume. 

   More evidence that Silver is a bog-standard shitface sexist kid:

Whilst Silver would say this sort of crap to anyone, this hits a little too close to home for Lyra and she takes it as a misogynistic insult. Generally implying that she’s somehow not worthy of becoming a trainer is a surefire way to make Lyra go feral because she kinda thinks it’s the only thing she’s good at. And it’s just not true, look at what level Cabbage is at this point:

Three levels above where she started and only around 3-4 hours have passed since they first met. Lyra is insanely good at training Pokemon. She has great intuition when it comes to assessing individual Pokemon’s strengths and weaknesses and encourages them to fight in whatever way suits them best. She doesn’t always have great long-term strategy in battle, but she knows exactly what her Pokemon can and cannot take and dish out and this is what secures her most of her victories.

   Also Silver’s “someone weak” comment  is 100% self-projection, just so we’re clear.

   lyra vc: lmao yeah i am???

   lyra vc: lmao no!!!

   Queue Lyra getting Actually Mad™ because there is no way a dick like Silver could become a better trainer than her?? She’s gonna be the greatest, just you wait and see Tampon!!

   If you don’t think she was holding it in the air just out of his reach then you have fundamentally underestimated how much of a petty little shit my Lyra is.

   Regardless, Lyra then runs back to the lab to see exactly why Elm called her in such a panic.

In conclusion: All cops are bad.

   A kind of recurring theme in Lyra’s story is her distrust of traditional authority figures, and it all starts here.

   Okay, so obviously this exchange is so cartoonishly stupid that I cannot see it going down like this in blog cannon. But the cop that does come to investigate the lab in blog canon is pretty much as incompetent as this guy. Stealing a Pokemon is kind of not a big deal in Johto? Shit happens all the time, the cops are corrupt as fuck and they don’t care about doing their job. It’s the reason Rocket was able to regroup in Johto without anyone really making any attempt to stop them.

   So this guy is mad that he’s been taken really far out of his way to investigate some minor crime in a tiny town and now some brat kid is going on about how some other kid was rude to her? Yeah, he’s not happy and totally belittles her, calling her “girlie” and scoffing at the idea of her and her wimpy looking Pokemon could have defeated a criminal. It’s not until Lyra insists that it was the red haired boy Elm mentioned to the guy she battled that he starts listening to her, and even then he’s still extremely brusque with her. And Lyra cannot stand being talked down to so this drives her round the bend.

   A lot of terrifying things happen to Lyra during her journey, enough that she could easily qualify for police protection, but she never once asks for it throughout her journey. Because whenever she imagines walking into a police station, she imagines a bunch of wrinkly, balding, middle-aged men who will belittle and insult her the same way this cop did. And she’s not going to willingly suffer through that again.

[artificialqueens]

They Don't Love You Like I Love You 4/? (katlaska) - kamylove

“There is absolutely no factual or metaphorical fucking going on.” Not yet, anyway. Or, Katya and Alaska take the slow train.

It helps Alaska to know she’ll be seeing Katya soon, to know she’ll be able to look into Katya’s eyes with no camera in between, to make sure sure Katya’s as okay as she claims in the days after their phone call. Not that she’s ever known Katya to lie about her mental health; Katya’s more open about it than almost anyone. It’s just that Alaska knows what it’s like to lie to herself.

And Katya hasn’t been dumping her entire psyche on the internet as often lately, so there’s less information to go on.

Alaska turns down the offer of a ride from the airport. Instead, she waits 83 minutes for Katya’s plane to arrive, and buys an iced coffee the way Katya likes it, to take to the gate.

She doesn’t get a chance to hand it over. Katya walks right up to Alaska, pulls her close, and buries her face in Alaska’s neck.

Alaska hugs back, careful not to spill the coffee. “Hey,” she says, and Katya sighs like she’s put down a heavy load.

Are you okay is such an empty question. Alaska says, “Missed you,” instead.

Katya squeezes her tighter and just breathes. Alaska rests her cheek on Katya’s head and they stay that way for a long time, just two gay boys in the sea of travelers that, for these few moments, is passing them by.

<><><>

“I really am okay,” Katya says, as they head to baggage claim. “It’s just nice to have someone who won’t judge me.”

“I judge you for all sorts of things,” Alaska says. “Like that fucking raccoon.”

Katya, waving her drink around in a way that often leads to a big mess, fakes an insulted gasp. Alaska laughs and takes the cup away from her, just in case.

“That fucking raccoon is my best friend!” Katya says. “Don’t insult her, she’ll hear!”

“Is she in your backpack? Is she listening right now?”

“No, but we share a deep, devoted, psychic link.”

“That makes it even more-”

“I lied,” Katya says. She stops without warning in the middle of the concourse, annoying the family behind them.

“What?” Alaska says. Usually she can follow Katya just fine, these days.

Katya looks her in the eye. “I’m a shitty liar. I don’t care who judges me. I just wanted it to be you.”

Alaska feels something warm and unexpected bloom in her chest. Honestly, it hadn’t crossed her mind to question why Katya had called. “I’m glad,” she says. “I’m glad you called and I’m glad I could help.”

Katya smiles at her, and they keep walking.

<><><>

They are, thankfully, not performing that night, so it’s almost the reverse of that first night in Aspen: room service, a couple movies, and Katya falling asleep sooner than either of them expects. Alaska watches her sleep longer than she thinks she should.

In the middle of the night Alaska hears a text notification on her phone, and decides to ignore it. But a few minutes later the phone actually rings and she reaches for it blindly, moving nothing but her arm.

It’s Roxxxy, who must have just arrived, and who sounds wide awake. “Where are you? I went to your room. Are you in there and being rude?”

“I’m in Katya’s,” Alaska says without thinking.

“Really?” Roxxxy says. “You and Katya? You might be skinny bitches, but that’s just hot.”

Katya stirs and throws an arm over Alaska, but Alaska, not wanting to wake her, slips out of bed and into the bathroom.

“It’s not like that,” Alaska says. “She needed a friend. I fell asleep.” It isn’t true; she’d never intended to leave. But she’s not ready to open it up to questioning.

“Okay,” Roxxxy drawls. “So, how many times have you fallen asleep in Katya’s room?”

“Oh, my God,” Alaska groans. “Leave me alone.”

Roxxxy’s still laughing when Alaska hangs up.

<><><>

It’s a short series of shows on the East Coast, just a couple weeks, with most of the All Stars 2 girls. They know each other so well by now that they can just relax and have fun and make people laugh.

Katya can’t even explain to herself what a relief it is to have Alaska there. She loves all the girls, and she’s happy to have them around, too. They keep her busy and entertained. They’re family.

But it’s so nice, and so easy, to have somebody who can keep up with her no matter what, somebody who won’t ask her to slow down or repeat. Their brains spark off each other, like fireworks. If left to their own devices, which happens more and more lately, they’ll take off down a rabbit hole and look up to find hours have passed.

All the Ru girls are smart. Many of them are brilliant. But there aren’t many who are as quick as Alaska.

They rewatch Katya’s episode of Hey Qween together, and Alaska laughs and laughs at how shell-shocked Jonny looks. “You broke him!” she says.

Katya preens. “ADD is my superpower.”

“You can leap 20 topics in a single bound,” Alaska says.

Katya preens some more, but she can’t keep it up. She laughs instead, flailing a bit for effect.

“It’s disturbing how easy it is for me to follow you now,” Alaska says.

“Agreed,” Katya says. “I worry about you.”

“When did I start liking you so much?” Alaska asks.

“I have no idea,” Katya says, “because I am a heartless, hateful bitch. And I’ve never even eaten you out, which is usually what makes me so popular.”

<><><>

Katya: dinosaur

Alaska: bat

Alaska: You are sitting three feet away from me.

Katya: spoilsport

Alaska: harmony

Katya: turnip

Alaska: cowboy

Katya: Czechoslovakian

Katya: eclair

Alaska: jerky

<><><>

Alaska colors in pages from Katya’s coloring book, making them as garish as her imagination can come up with. She likes to practice keeping a straight face when she hands them to Katya, who always pretends to be offended.

“I really question your taste level,” Katya says.

Alaska just gives her another.

<><><>

“So, Miss Alaska,” Alyssa asks her while they’re in line at Starbucks. “Tell me the truth. What is going on with you and Katya?”

“I hate her guts,” Alaska says. “Everyone knows that.”

“All right, all right, if that’s the way you want to play it. But there’s something there.” She points at Alaska’s eyes, and then her own, with two fingers. “I can see it.”

“Well, then, you need to explain to me what that is,” Alaska says, “because I don’t see it.”

Alyssa makes an Alyssa face, but it quickly shifts to something more more mischievous as she says, “She likes you, too, you know.”

Alaska groans. “Will you stop?”

“Okay, I’ll drop it,” Alyssa says. “I can take a hint.”

“Since when?” Alaska asks.

“You shady bitch,” Alyssa says cheerfully.

“If you want drama, you’re going to have to stir it up yourself,” Alaska says. “Try Phi Phi.”

“Ooh,” Alyssa says. “Seriously shady bitch.”

<><><>

“Tell me the truth,” Ginger says quietly, as she and Katya touch up their faces in the same mirror during a show. “I already know you’re sharing rooms.”

“Friends with room sharing benefits?” Katya says.

“Is that the only benefit?”

“Is having access to her wig wardrobe a benefit?”

“You tell me,” Ginger says.

“Honey,” Katya says. “Look at this tragic thing I am wearing.” It’s intentionally ugly, to go with the rest of her look, and she twirls to show it off. “What do you think?”

“Tell me you don’t have a fetish for those long, blond locks?” Ginger asks suspiciously.

“Is not fetish,” Katya says in her Russian accent. “Is obsession. Why you cannot keep straight?”

“Ain’t nothing straight about that,” Ginger says.

<><><>

Alaska: pogo stick

Katya: You’re sitting three feet away from me.

Katya: cactus

Katya: fossil

Alaska: artichoke

Alaska: talent

Katya: Alaska

Alaska: That’s cheating.

“What the fuck are they doing now?” Detox asks.

Tatianna says, “I don’t even want to know.”

<><><>

After the tour, half of the girls, including Katya, are off to Europe for a month, and the rest, including Alaska, go their separate ways.

Alaska has a week in LA and too many things to squeeze in: meetings, interviews, a recording session, dry cleaning. But Willam talks her into going out by saying, “Support your local queens,” which Alaska can never resist.

Standing there, cranberry juice in hand, sighing the occasional autograph as Willam flirts with everyone in a twenty-foot radius, Alaska has trouble keeping her mind on the show. The drag is good, and she claps and cheers and tips, but she reluctantly admits to herself that it’s not where she wants to be.

She’s home so rarely now that she feels out of touch. But she doesn’t think that’s the real problem.

“What’s with you?” Willam asks eventually. “You’re a real downer tonight.”

Alaska just shrugs.

“It’s not right, working as much as you do. You need to say fuck it sometimes.”

“Fuck it,” Alaska says.

“Weren’t you seeing a guy?” Willam says. “The one with the glasses? He was hot. I would have done him.”

“That was months ago,” Alaska says. “I don’t know. He was nice, but he couldn’t hold my attention, you know?”

“Been there, done that,” Willam says.

(A long time later, Katya will say, “You’ve held my attention for at least .09 seconds, which is impressive considering my average is .03,” and Alaska will say, “I’m three times more interesting than average!” and Katya will look at her like she’s an idiot and say, “Duh. Everybody knows that.”)

<><><>

Alaska stays just long enough after the show to say nice things to all the performers, and to demand that Willam give her phone back. (“Be in the moment,” Willam had said. Alaska had rolled her eyes.) She’s performed here many times; she knows where all the exits are, so she sneaks out while Willam’s not looking.

When she turns the phone back on, on the way to her car, she finds just two texts from Katya, which is a surprise.

“Bored. Lonely. Bored,” says the first, and “Need constant entertainment,” says the second.

Alaska facetimes her, and finds Katya just waking up, her hair sticking out in all directions.

“You need a constant audience,” Alaska says.

“That too!” Katya says, pointing her finger at the screen like Alaska’s said something earth shattering.

“Trade?” Alaska asks.

Katya makes a face. “Not that kind of audience,” she says. “Or that kind of lonely.”

Alaska knows exactly what she means.

[words-writ-in-starlight]

Oh my gosh you just discovered mash? It's such a good show. It has some really serious episodes, end of season 3 comes to mind. I always imagined the animorphs watching mash or like somehow finding solace in it.

OH BOY BUT HAVE I MENTIONED THE MASH AU OF ANIMORPHS THAT I LITERALLY JUST THOUGHT OF TONIGHT THOUGH?

No, obviously not, I literally just thought of it tonight, but buckle in for it anyway because I’m SUPER in love with this show!!!!!

Now, keeping in mind that I am NOT EVEN three seasons in, here are my current castings, ft. the 4077th being known as The One Full Of Babies Fresh Out Of Med School (these kids are like 27 tops, they’re practically infants in terms of the medical field).

Colonel Elfangor Shamtul, The Local Adult, who’s actually in his late 40′s and is a real actual grown up surgeon with a practice and everything, now the boss of a MASH unit in Korea and discovering that his talent for commanding a surgical theater actually translates really well into commanding a military unit.  Most everyone under his command thinks he’s the best thing since sliced bread.  All his superiors are basically looking for an opportunity to get his ass court martialed when they’re not handing down commendations for his weirdly effective slant-wise thinking.  His old buddy Arbron keeps them stocked then the supply lines are cut and if anyone asks Arbron and the Mountaineers are running a completely legitimate shipping enterprise.  Elfangor goes by first names with the entire populace unless a general’s there and has never enforced a dress code in his entire life because it would require him to give up his blue jacket.  He was transferred to command of the babiest MASH unit as a punishment after the first time his buddy’s legitimate shipping enterprise got tapped for being probably black market.

Corporal Aximili Isthill, the babiest baby, who is 25 and oh my God Elfangor is adopting this boy he loves him so much.  They’re not blood relatives but Elfangor got handed a gangly excitable kid as an aide and was basically like “that one’s mine thanks” and never looked back.  Ax is actually seven kinds of genius but none of them are medical--he has a stellar memory for medications but no head for anatomy--so he’s more or less single-handedly keeping the base running.  He’s apparently some kind of psychic, if his gift for knowing exactly what’s going on where and when at any given time is any indication, and he's discovered a frankly inhuman talent for electrical engineering since he got drafted out of his blossoming career as a perpetual student.  Elfangor is making this child get a doctorate if it kills them both, and since it turns out they actually live within an hour of each other in the States, there’s a non-zero chance that Ax will be moving in with him afterward.

Captain Jake Berenson, who is chief surgeon but not second in command and who just wants everyone to cooperate for five fucking minutes please.  He is begging.  And everyone knows that even though Big Jake (his army nickname within 0.3 seconds because he’s the tallest guy in the unit and built like a Mack truck) isn’t legitimately second in command, he’s the guy you go to if you want to get anything done.  He specialized in cranial trauma, which isn’t as useful as you’d think when half the head wound cases die before they reach the hospital, but Jake thought the brain was interesting and made his specialty decision while kinda drunk, so.  Leave him alone.  The reason he’s chief surgeon isn’t because of any particular medical brilliance--Jake is a good surgeon mostly through sheer pigheadedness, not because he’s a sparkling medical mind--but rather because when Jake starts barking orders, people listen.  

Captain Rachel Berenson, who is a surgeon because I don’t care about historical accuracy and because she fought tooth and nail to go to medical school and then signed up for the war when they wouldn’t draft her.  She’s at least 60% of the reason Jake is begging people to cooperate, because Rachel has made nine doctors, four nurses, and six patients cry since getting her white coat.  He’s not saying she didn’t have her reasons, okay, she has the right to defend her position as a doctor, but also please stop.  She knows more about chest injuries than probably anyone else in Korea and she likes to remind people that it means she’d be just as good at inflicting them as patching them up.  Marco labels her the Warrior Princess after two days of knowing her and it sticks hard even though she threatened to open him up with a rusty scalpel when she first heard it.

Major Cassie Day, head nurse, who everyone knows is the best at making sure that, once the surgeons have yanked someone back, they stay back.  Cassie is an angel, probably, or at least so goes common theory based on the sheer miracles she’s pulled off in her time.  As long as someone’s done bleeding to death when they get to her, she’ll probably drag them through--whether they like it or not.  She and Rachel are bunkmates because no one knew what to do with a lady surgeon and Cassie offered, and they’ve been best friends ever since, complete with Cassie occasionally helping Rachel’s more hare-brained schemes come together.  Everyone and their cousin, including Elfangor, knows that Cassie and the chief surgeon make out in the supply tent, but also the one time Cassie left for a week leave the entire unit broke down so no, they will not be reporting them for breaking frat regs.  No matter how much Elfangor’s second-in-command wants to.  One time someone talked shit about her skin color and was drummed out of the unit on mysteriously appearing court martial charges two days later.  Contrary to popular opinion, it was not Rachel who started the brawl that got him brought up on charges, nor was the guy actually murdered straight up.  Arm broken, yes.  Murdered, no.  Turns out Big Jake hits as hard as he looks like he does.

Captain Marco Reilly, who is the unit psychologist and also Rachel’s top enabler.  She spends 80% of her time defending herself as a woman and a surgeon, he spends 80% of his time defending himself either based on his race or based on his career, and they are responsible for 80% of Jake’s ulcer because they get in a huge amount of trouble together.  Psychology hasn’t really entered the generally accepted medical field, but Marco specializes in treating trauma and combat fatigue and he gets soldiers back on their feet better than anyone else.  He decided on his career when he was a kid and his mom was a nurse in WWII who wrote home about how she saw boys without a mark on them ruined worse than those who would walk with a limp for the rest of their lives, and Marco doesn’t believe in regret.  It’s also this mentality that generally leads to him and Rachel being a Problem for Jake.  That doesn’t stop Jake from accepting the offer of gin from Marco’s personal still, or from more than occasionally getting swept up in the shenanigans himself.

Corporal Tobias Williams, who is in charge of triage and about 80% trained as a nurse in addition to his other duties.  (I know MASH doesn’t formally have someone in charge of triage but they SHOULD okay, listen, they SHOULD.)  He’s a decent chopper pilot, too, but the unit tends to contrive reasons to keep him around.  Rachel likes to have him assist her in surgery because he has an uncanny talent for spotting things that have the potential to kill her patients almost before she does, and isn’t afraid to mention it.  Tobias and Ax fall in together as inseparable besties within about a month, and Tobias learns not to wait for the announcement that wounded are coming in not long after--he just watches Ax tilt his head in that particular way and sprints off to the staging area without missing a beat.  For a bit a lot of the unit talked shit behind Tobias’ back, claiming that triage was slacker work, but then there was a day where Tobias spent nineteen hours on the staging area directing choppers and ambulances, stopped for twenty minutes to eat and chug an entire pot of coffee, and turned back out for another twenty hours, and went to assist in OR once the wounded stopped pouring in.  Then folks stopped talking shit.  Tobias is nervous and jumpy and generally quiet enough that no one ever thinks to suspect him of being trouble, which is why people are always shocked when it turns out that, say, it was his idea to smuggle in a dozen kegs of beer for New Year’s.

(Elfangor spends three months getting really attached to Tobias before he finds out some relevant information and has about a six month crisis about how to approach it.  His ultimate solution is TBD.)

Major David Pence, aka That Rat, who is Elfangor’s second in command and a screeching pain in everyone’s ass.  Everyone except David knows that his dad bought his way into med school and leveraged his rank in the army to force Elfangor to take the kid on as his second.  David’s under the impression that he’s great shakes at surgery and command both, and he straight up tried to report Elfangor when Jake was appointed chief surgeon over his head.  That was not a major event, because David tries to report someone about twice a week.  About half those attempted reports are either Rachel or Tobias or Ax--Tobias and Ax because he thinks they’re getting above their station, Rachel apparently for the crime of being herself.  He cannot be trusted to keep a level head in a crisis and Cassie has had to swoop in and save his patients more than once.  

Ji-Min “James” Song is a civilian doctor, their primary contact at a long-term recovery facility in Seoul where they send patients who are destined for a discharge.  Every time James rolls up to collect a patient, it is heavily implied that very similar chicanery is going on at his place, and he and Jake get drunk together to commiserate a lot.

Elfangor gets drunk with them too, sometimes.

[aceofintuition]

Why do you think the Projectionist is off everyone’s list? Alice calls him an old friend and obviously makes it an effort not to go down there (or leave her area in general), Sammy doesn’t roam down there either and even Bendy were to- Don’t think Norman would even flinch.

Honestly, anon? I mean like, there’s implied areas set upfor each character in-game, and we don’t necessarily know what Sammy never wentdown there, nor Alice. There’s no offered up explanation for why Bendy avoidsLevel 14 during the time you’re down there, either. Maybe Norman pre-TheProjectionist was just a generally good guy. Maybe he’s not worth anyone’s timebecause he doesn’t appear to be intelligent anymore and he keeps mostly to theInky Abyss.

But like honestly?

Norman is fucking scary.

Alice clearly has no problem fucking with the other denizensof JDS (she’ll even mess with Bendy but not Norman), Bendy seems to care aboutno one at all, and I think Sammy would probably sacrifice anyone he get hisslimy little hands on. I genuinely just think that no one wants to fuck withNorman. Below the cut are some thoughts about Norman, Level 14, and way too much research into projectors in the 1930s and beyond.

I mean, let’s just consider him for a moment here. He’s firstoff extremely tall; much taller than Alice, Sammy, or Henry. The only one we’veseen so far that seems to outclass him is Bendy himself. Not to mention he’sconstantly lugging a projector around all day, which suggests he’s probablypretty strong too. I believe he also has the second highest damage output ofall the enemies seen so far, outclassed again only by Bendy’s one-hit-killstrike. So just on a basic ground footing, Norman is an enemy not to bemessed with.

And then there’s the projector, which arguably adds anotherlevel to The Projectionist. For one thing, it makes him the most inexpressive characterwe’ve seen yet. He literally is incapable of showing any sort of emotion withit, and thus nobody knows what he’s thinking—if he thinks at all. Even Bendy’sunchanging grin still implies a sliver of human connection that Norman justdoesn’t get. Judging by the way he acts, it’s probably impossible or nearimpossible to reason with him, much like Bendy.

And if his that wasn’t unnerving enough, well, you also have to add what the projector physically does for him. To be more specific, think about how bright that thing is, and considerthe environment of Level 14.  It’spositioned directly where his face would be, which is where most people aregoing to look first. As hard as it must be for him to “see,” if you’re trying tolook directly at the Projectionist front-on, he is literally blinding you whileyou do so. And especially when level 14 is so dark, it makes that light fromhim that much worse.

Which, let’s take a brief moment to Segway here and talkabout projectors. Projectors during this time (somewhere between the 1930s tothe 1960s) would have been a lot less bright than they’re capable of beingtoday, but that doesn’t mean they weren’t bright. In fact, many of theseprojectors had such strong bulbs that the projectors could actually melt or burnthe film if the projectionist wasn’t careful! Assuming anincandescent bulb, even at a relatively low wattage for a projector, say 300watts with 16 lumens per watt… That’s still 4800 lumen output; they had to bethis bright in order to reach across the distance of, say, a movie screeningroom. To compare, most of the lightbulbs in your home are probably less than1000 lumens. Your computer screen puts out much less than that. Those really superobnoxious high beam lights that some cars have? Maybe around 3000-3500. Youknow what does put out roughly 5000 lumens? A tactical flashlight. And4800 lumens is my minimum guess for the projector in the projection booth. Now,this is simplifying the whole science and workings of projectors, but:  if you assume that the other ink monsters havebasically human eyesight… You would not look into a projector at close range.It would blind you, even in daylight.

Now imagine you’re wandering, lost, through that darkmaze—which, by the way, the game is literally incapable of conveying this spacein the way that we would understand it in real life. Your computer screen useslight to show you the game environment, and thus cannot actually make it asdark as the maze could be, nor does it have even a fraction of the lumen outputequivalent to Norman’s lamp.

So now I want you to consider the maze fromHenry’s point of view. You are wandering around the maze with almost no lightexcept for the projectors. The light coming from the films is probably blindingwhere they’re set up, and everywhere else is pitch black. It’s difficult atbest to tell which projectors are stationary and which one is his, especiallyif you can’t look directly at them. The maze is also causing your sloshingthrough the ink to echo around. You have no way to know what are your footstepsechoed back to you and what belongs to something else. (Even Bendy won’t comedown here—his cardboard cutout eyes won’t last in the ink flood, and unlesshe’s a very talented echolocator, the corridors may only make navigation thatmuch more difficult. )

Now you turn a corner, and so does he, and then suddenlyyou’re staring directly into his projector, and he *screams*, and you can’t seeanything at all except for the light of his lamp. If you’re lucky, the inkreflects it enough to outline his form’s reflection as he charges directlyat you, because you sure as hell can’t see any of him.

Your only hope is toturn around and stumble blindly back as fast as you can the way you came, inthe vain hope of finding a station to hide in. And that, my dear anon, iswhy nobody in this game has Norman on their list, as you say. Would you want togo up against that? 

Because I sure as hell wouldn’t. 

[evenstevensranked]

#21: Season 2, Episode 15 - “Sibling Rivalry”

In an attempt to settle their never-ending rivalry, Ren and Louis compete on a ridiculous game show called “Sib Wars.” There’s also Ren/Bobby/Mandy drama on the side which is beyond juicy. Meanwhile, Donnie has a date with a French girl and has Nelson translate for him. 

This one opens with Louis "Flossercising” -- A combination of flossing your teeth and exercising. Right off the bat, you know this episode is gonna be an outlandish one. He’s just chillin’, incorrectly lifting weights in a bathroom full of dental floss lol

How do you even buy that much dental floss? Also, I can’t deal with Shia’s face in this screenshot. ALSO, I’d like to talk to Sarah and Suzie and ask them what drugs they were on when they came up with “flossercising.” 

Ren starts freaking out at Louis because she needs to get ready for a date with Bobby and he’s cramping her style. They chase each other into Donnie’s room where we see Donnie super focused on learning French. I love how he’s dressed in the stereotypical black and white striped mime shirt -- sitting in front of a pile of French books, Eiffel Tower statues and a bowl of french fries while doing so. As if it’s a freaking séance to reach the ghosts of French experts. 

Cutting off his head was the only way I could get everything in the screenshot lol. 

This scene is pretty funny. After Louis and Ren come running into his room, Donnie tells them to knock it off because he only has one day to learn French. “That’s realistic” Ren says so sarcastically, I crack up every time. This is also where Ren calls Louis “infuriating” and he tries to call her it as well, but butchers the word and says “In-flirt-in-ate-ter-ing.” I remember this being used on a few ads for the show back in the day. Just then, Donnie grabs a VHS tape, shows it to them very dramatically and says “You guys need to see this.” And Louis is all “What? You lifting weights in your bathing suit? We already saw that.” HAHA!!! I love how Donnie is so obliviously vain, it’s great. Imagine subjecting your brother and sister to that. He quickly picks up the VHS he meant to show them, which is an accidental taping of a show called “Sibling Sessions.” 

This show within a show is so freaking hilarious. It’s like Dr. Phil if it were a show within a soap opera and filmed in a therapists office. The brother and sister (Kevin and Wendy) who appear on it are so lame and fake, it’s so good. The host makes Kevin apologize to Wendy and I died laughing. 

“It’s nothing against you, Wendy! You’re the BEST! I guess the reason I act the way I do, is because of my own insecurities. Deep down... I’m just a loser.” HAHAHAHAHAHA. The acting is purposely incredibly bad here, almost like an infomercial -- which makes it even better. The kid looks like he’s about to burst out laughing when he says “I’m just a loser” lol. 

Even Stevens seriously wins the award for Most Original Humor on Disney Channel. Ever. No other show has a strut quite like this one. I also thank god every day that ES didn’t have a laugh track. It simply doesn’t need one. 

Ren thinks the show seems professional and is down for appearing on it. Louis, on the other hand, is vehemently against it -- Until the host announces that Kevin and Wendy will receive two tickets to Happy Mountain Amusement Park for being on the show, lol. 

You just know this was an ad-lib, tbh. How does Shia even think of this stuff? What even is that facial expression? He’s too much...

I also just realized that Ren is definitely wearing the necklace Louis bought her in Swap.com. Ya know, the one she gave back to Ernie? Oops. 

Suddenly, the doorbell rings and Ren is expecting it to be Bobby, but *dun dun dunnn* It’s Nelson. This marks the start of the DRAMA!!! Bobby sent Nelson as the bearer of bad news. He’s there to let Ren know Bobby had to cancel their date because he has work to do with his lab partner. Hummmmm... Ren is immediately suspicious. Clearly, she does not trust Bobby and this relationship ain’t healthy. 

Somewhere around here, Donnie finds out that Nelson can speak French. So he asks him to translate on his upcoming date with some ~beautiful foreign exchange student.~ We also get the “HAAAAPPY MOUNTAIN! THE BIG OLD ROCK OF FUUUUUUN!” from Louis which is iconic. I’m just gonna go ahead and assume that most of the things Shia does in this episode are ad-libs.

The next day at school, Ren happens to catch Bobby working with his lab partner... who he conveniently forgot to mention is Mandy “Always-Gets-Her-Man” Sanchez. RED FLAG!!! MAJOR RED FLAG. 

When class lets out, there’s this awkward/passive-aggressive/mean girl moment between Ren and Mandy -- and it’s gold. Mandy says “Ren, love the lipstick! That color works so well on your THIN lips. :)” To which Ren responds, “You know? I wonder what it’d look like on a FAT LIP :)” hahahaha. Salty overload. Ren decides to privately confront Bobby about the situation after. Asking why he neglected to say that Mandy was his lab partner because Mandy is definitely into him, and he essentially tells her it’s all in her head. “Come on, it’s just Mandy. She flirts with everyone!” So, Ren convinces herself that she’s just overreacting. THIS IS SUCH A TEXTBOOK CASE OF A BAD RELATIONSHIP. You can clearly see that Ren is still suspicious though.. and it only gets worse when Bobby kisses her goodbye on the cheek instead of the lips. Oh, boy. Bobby sucks. 

Ren and Louis go to an audition for “Sibling Sessions” but when they get there they see that the show has been rebranded as “Sib Wars” -- a competition show. Apparently the ratings were in the toilet. Can’t imagine why!!! Who wouldn’t want to watch a low-level, PBS knock-off of Dr. Phil?! The show is on the verge of being cancelled all together, unless they can find two bickering siblings to compete ASAP -- and Louis and Ren answer their prayers. They come barging in like two arguing tornados. I love their little fight here though, lol. Ren claims that Louis got ice cream in her hair and Louis says “Did it ever occur to you that YOUR hair got in MY ice cream? Did that enter your skull?!” He has a point. Ren obviously considers herself to be the superior sibling, so she has no doubt that she’ll win the cheesy competition. “I could even grow a mustache before you!” she threatens. And Louis comes back with one of my favorite burns everrrr: “You could. In fact, it’s coming in quite nicely!” HAHA. Shia and Christy go on to totally ad-lib a heated argument and I love it. 

The host, David Blackburn, is so over the top with everything he does. On “Sibling Sessions” he was over the top melodramatic and on “Sib Wars” he’s over the top excited. It’s like he’s incapable of acting like a normal human. Normally, I cannot stand when shows go overboard with obnoxiousness.. but I can’t help but laugh at this guy. He starts wearing a cheap, short, dreads wig to try to seem more ~hip~ and young, (”Is my hair on straight?”) which is hilarious to me. And this dude delivers every single one of his lines with such a perfect balance of fake enthusiasm and the insecurity that comes along with trying way too hard to be cool. It just gets me for some reason, lol. I’m also almost positive that HE’S doing the voiceover announcing HIMSELF as “the handsome, the talented -- DAVID BLACKBURRRRRNNNN!” haha. I have to gif the footage of his introduction because it’s honestly so meme-worthy and hysterical imo: 

If I had the power, I’d make nearly every other moment of every Even Stevens episode a popular meme. It’s beyond deserving... Yet, the only meme that’s come out of Even Stevens is Beans. Great. This show is truly one of the greatest, overlooked TV gems ever. 

Anyway, I’m pretty sure the “TV G” was edited in for “Sib Wars” specifically. I don’t remember Even Stevens ever having a rating pop up like that before, so that’s pretty awesome lol. I’m not sure what part of this gif gets me the worst, though. When he flips his “hair” back, the zoom-out shot of him like “ :D ” or the “THAT’S ME!” It’s all brilliant. I’ve been laughing at this for 5 minutes straight.

The game show ends up being incredibly stupid with the dumbest questions and categories ever... So it’s basically tailor-made for Louis Stevens. Therefore, he literally leaves Ren in the dust -- 500 points to 0. There’s also a “Pudding Pit of Doom” round where yet another bad Louis stunt double flips into the vat: 

I never noticed how many stunts happen on this show until now. This guy is obviously older and has a completely different build than Shia. They really don’t even try lol. 

David Blackburn announces that Louis and Ren will return the next day for the “Ultimate Humiliation” round -- where they have 1 minute to totally mortify the other on public access television. Fun! Louis is scrambling to find some dirt on Ren, and he fails. The closest thing he gets is her “brushing her teeth inefficiently” on tape. This bit always stuck with me though!! He explains the footage to Twitty and says “Look at the technique. She’s doing that upward thing, you’re not supposed to be doing that! You’re supposed to do the little circles!” I think about this every single time I brush my teeth and have since always brushed in a circular motion lol. 

The drama reaches the climax right about now when Louis and Twitty catch Bobby and Mandy walking down the hall together very flirtatiously. Their first thought is to start recording -- and boy did they end up capturing the most DRAMATIC TEEN DRAMA MOMENT THE SHOW HAS EVER SEEN: 

Is this Even Stevens or Degrassi???

When I rewatched this episode for the first time in a few years, I was genuinely shocked. I knew Bobby was “cheating,” but I always remembered it as only flirting or a lingering hug. (Ya know... because Disney.) But, NOPE. It was an actual kiss on the lips. Bobby is a RAT and I never liked him. It’s really too bad they didn’t end the series with some comedic plot where Ren and Larry realize their feelings for each other because trust me..... the feelings are there. That’s way better content than Bobby freakin’ Deaver. HE WAS NEVER FOR YOU, REN!

Louis’ plan is to be a slimeball and use this footage in the Ultimate Humiliation round. That’s honestly so messed up, I can’t even fathom that idea. Imagine video of your significant other kissing some other person airing for everyone to see. Dang. I told you this was dramatic. 

This subplot is really, really short. So I’ll wrap it up now as usual. It’s just Donnie on his date with Sandrine (played by Danica McKellar from The Wonder Years) with Nelson translating. Basically, Nelson’s allergies to everything flare up. He takes over the date and steals Sandrine’s attention away from Donnie. That’s it. There’s this one screenshot that’s pretty great without context tho: 

Back to the main plot. Ren decided to use Louis’ nasty bed sheet as her way to humiliate him. I love how she titled the exhibit "Louis: An American Tragedy" lol: 

When it’s Ren’s turn to sit in the hot seat, she takes a moment to give a shout out to Bobby. Saying how happy she is that they’re together and she hopes they can stay together. Of course. Meanwhile, Louis is standing there holding the VHS tape of Bobby cheating. It’s intense. Ultimately, Louis makes the right decision and doesn’t show the tape. He just gives up and says he didn’t come prepared with anything. I LOVE SEEING GOOD LITTLE BROTHER LOUIS, MAN!!! Ren is declared the winner. 

Louis knows that Ren doesn’t deserve to continue to be lead on by Bobby. So at home that night, Louis simply gives Ren the tape. The footage is pretty self explanatory. It fades to a very dramatic shot of Ren breaking up with Bobby by giving him his letterman jacket back. I hate Bobby. He’s standing there all sad. Like... Come on, man. Don’t act like you're upset about what you did. You knew full well what you were doing. 

Ren’s head to toe light blue ensemble is... something. 

Ren thanks Louis for not showing the tape on TV and he says “Ren, you’re my sister. I wouldn’t do you like that.” MY HEART. That vibe changes quickly though when Louis asks if he can be her plus 1 to Happy Mountain lol. 

And that’s it. The episode ends with Donnie watching the video of him lifting weights in his bathing suit. haha. 

I really like this episode. It’s not one of my personal favorites, but this episode is most true to the series' premise. If you look at it literally, it’s the most "Even Stevens" episode ever tbh -- which is why it's higher on the list. I also just cannot get over the level of legit drama here with the Bobby/Mandy stuff! Crazy. Louis is a great brother here, too.. which is so amazing to see. There aren’t any giant laugh-out-loud moments, but the dialogue here is so snappy and smart. I found myself laughing quite a bit due to how great the writing is and the delivery from the cast all around. Everyone is on point here. 

Thanks for reading!!

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[ahouseoflies]

The Best Films of 2019, Part III

Part I is here. Part II is here.

PRETTY GOOD MOVIES

80. Rolling Thunder Revue: A Bob Dylan Story by Martin Scorsese (Martin Scorsese)- Can one put a star rating on Bob Dylan, with renewed purpose, belting out "Isis" in a head and shoulders close-up to New Hampshire teens? What about a naked moment when he and Joan Baez simultaneously realize they should have married each other, and he, for maybe the first time, has nothing to say? As a Dylanologist, I'm glad that this footage from an under-reported period saw the light of day. You can start to think about stars when Martin Scorsese, my other dad, does everything he can to complicate and ultimately undermine that footage with his contributions. I appreciate that he uses his documentaries to experiment and chart his passions, and I think that I get what he's doing with his present-day chicanery, but it does not work for me. Shout-out to when Bob Dylan claims, of one of Scorsese's fake people, "He seemed to need enemies. Even when there weren't any." I felt that. 

79. Serenity (Steven Knight) Djimon Honsou: Lawful Good Jeremy Strong as "The Rules": Lawful Neutral Anne Hathaway: Lawful Evil Diane Lane: Chaotic Good The Kid: Chaotic Neutral Jason Clarke: Chaotic Evil The Bartender: Lawful Neutral Matthew McConaughey: True Neutral Me, Believing Almost Sincerely That This Is a Good Movie: Chaotic Neutral

78. Atlantics (Mati Diop)- It's plenty effective as a window into a patriarchal society I wasn't familiar with, but Atlantics doesn't ever match the heights of its exquisite opening. At the risk of getting banned from this website--and I do realize what I'm implying here...not enough happens.

77. Birds of Passage (Ciro Guerra and Cristina Gallego)- After enjoying the formal invention of Embrace of the Serpent, I was interested to see Guerra and Gallego's spin on a well-worn genre like crime. So I was surprised to see how conventional Birds of Passage was. The indigenous Colombian rituals provide some color and grandeur, but otherwise this is a rise and fall that I've seen before, complete with a hothead character that threatens the whole operation. Perhaps my favorite part of crime movies, the alluring sinful fun that ropes the viewer in and makes him complicit, is nowhere to be found.

76. The Last Black Man in San Francisco (Joe Talbot)- I admire Joe Talbot's debut more than I like it. It's straightforward in its ideas of African-American and masculine performance, and it boils its essence down into a really effective scene near the end (on the bus). It does get tedious though. The protagonists' goals keep changing in a way that makes it seem like the film is overcompensating for how simple it actually is. 

75. Running with Beto (David Modigliani)- Beto O'Rourke is both inspiring and goofy, able to get me to look to the stars and roll my eyes within the same breath. This movie is pretty standard for its genre, but its greatest strength is getting us to see that all people present those contradictions on an individual level, while most people, if we're talking about blue and red states, are the same collectively. 

74. Gemini Man (Ang Lee)- Ang Lee treats Gemini Man like a test reel for 3D high-frame rate presentation, and I think I would have liked the film much less if I hadn't enjoyed the bells and whistles. (Find me in the club and ask me about the HDR--I can go deep.) You could read the film as a comment on Will Smith's Movie Stardom: We're the product of our experiences, and up-and-comers lack some of the character/baggage that Smith brings even if those imitators can approximate his bluster. (The fact that the film is a commercial failure adds another layer. Perhaps the cultural bridge that Smith created is no longer necessary.) 

But you'll notice that none of that stuff is dealing with the text, which rarely does the unexpected, especially when it comes to the mustache-twirling Clive Owen character. The film pointedly avoids a romance between Smith and Mary Elizabeth Winstead, and that's another absence that I'm pretending is a plus.

73. The Hummingbird Project (Kim Nguyen)- At first, the film has trouble selling itself, almost underplaying how quixotic the characters' plan to beat the stock market is. Once it settles in after a few false starts, it expands into a story about how precious time is in general, an idea that Jesse Eisenberg sells in his sympathetic performance. The other characters don't fare as well. Skarsgard's foil is comparatively static and dull, and a dialed-up Salma Hayek makes this a more external, obvious picture than it should have been. But there are long stretches that I like. 72. Escape Room (Adam Robitel)- I was exhausted in a good way as the movie rocketed through its setup, showing us the backstory of half of its characters while bypassing the rest. I was exhausted in a bad way by its fourth ending. Basically though, this movie does its job. And I'm glad that some of these thrillers are still envelope-pushing PG-13's. 71. Late Night (Nisha Ganatra)- There's a preposterous scene swinging into the third act that I just cannot accept or get behind, and it introduces a wave of Serious Scenes of People Getting Real with Each Other. But I haven't seen such a distilled juxtaposition of second-wave feminism and third-wave feminism before, let alone in a comedy. Some solid jokes. And John Lithgow playing piano while feeling bad about himself! 70. Non-Fiction (Olivier Assayas)- Non-Fiction is a sign that Assayas, always prolific, is entering the Woody Allen Zone. That is, he, a filmmaker capable of great formal beauty, has left behind formal rigor for a moderately funny tale about pseudo-intellectuals having conversations that would have been provocative five or ten years ago. 90% of the film depicts infidelity, but it isn't really about infidelity. Just as every latter-day Allen picture has two or three immaculate jokes or inward moments, Non-Fiction, despite its lack of ambition, has some perfect Assayas inter-textual flourishes. The Selena character bemoans the disposable nature of the TV show she works on, but Assayas drops us into one of the show's wintry, over-exposed shoot-outs as if to capture a genre he'll never fully pursue. He also writes a joke in which Selena, played by Juliette Binoche, claims that she'll try to talk Juliette Binoche into recording an audio book.

69. Crawl (Alexandre Aja)- I guess you could say something negative about this movie, but you would also have to mention that ol' girl lets off a full clip from inside the gator while it is chomping her arm off. So it pretty much has that Academy Awards category sewn up. 68. Long Day’s Journey Into Night (Bi Gan)- as Chinese Jerry Seinfeld once said, "Why don't they make the whole movie out of the hour-long unbroken 3D take?"

67. The Art of Self-Defense (Riley Stearns)- The Art of Self-Defense is a film of two halves--in a way that, actually, Riley Stearns's previous film Faults was. For me, those two halves, one being slow and pre-ordained, the other being wild and unpredictable, are too extreme on either end. The vagueness of the setting is a weapon that goes a long way in unifying those parts though. Even if I couldn't get down with the silliness, The Art of Self-Defense is worth checking out for Alessandro Nivola's career-best performance. The movie is about performative masculinity, so he has the challenge of playing a sort of confident monolith while also being totally specific. He's everything you would imagine a karate instructor to be, but he also takes his glasses out of their case in a way I've never seen before.

66. Dolemite Is My Name (Craig Brewer)- Keep in mind that I couldn't make it all the way through Dolemite proper, so I'm not the intended audience for this film's "let's put on a show" awe. The structure is notable: It starts with Rudy Ray Moore as a failure who has tried everything, crests past the shooting of his movie, and uses that completion as a plot point, only to focus on the distribution for the third act. That is, the screenplay breathes new life into the plot right when it needs it. Eddie Murphy's best performances always seem like regretful commentaries on his own relationship with the audience, (I'm picturing the final speech of The Nutty Professor.) and he follows suit here. Even better is an effete Wesley Snipes as the too-cool-for-school D'Urville. Despite all of the talent involved, however, the thing just isn't funny, and it's least funny in the comedy club scenes that are supposed to sell us on Rudy Ray Moore's genius. If it's not supposed to be funny, then why populate the movie with five comedic supporting actors?

65. Harriet (Kasi Lemmons)- History classes could do a lot worse. Like a history class, the film has so much ground to cover that it has to make choices for pacing, and even then it still feels like a greatest hits. It does have a surprising, brazen edge though, and it's more spiritually curious than I was expecting. Kasi Lemmons leans in to the mystical side of the story, using Tubman's spells as conversations with God that give her the confidence that she needs. The device is a double-edged sword though: What distinguishes and others Tubman, what makes her the chosen one, is also kind of passive and out of her control. Speaking of out of control, Joe Alwyn plays the slaveholder who ain't gonna be as nice as his pappy was. "Seems to me things have gotten a little too easy 'round these parts." 64. Motherless Brooklyn (Edward Norton)- Like Edward Norton, Motherless Brooklyn is sincere and smart and shows its work. Also like Edward Norton, it sort of tires you out after a while with how hard it's trying. I respect the ambition--the film tangles itself in race and jazz and urban planning and makeshift families--but by the third or fourth time that the hero blacks out while getting roughed up, the film reveals that it can't quite thread the needle between noir pastiche and noir cliche. It's satisfying enough as a mystery in general.

63. The Two Popes (Fernando Meirelles)- I'm the target audience for 21st century papal fan-fic, and even I started to zone out during the flashbacks. Jonathan Pryce sort of disappears, but I think this is the first Netflix prestige project being judged on a curve.

[reesebird]

New Post has been published on https://reesebird.com/2019/05/30/ive-been-trying-to-write-this-post-for-an-hour/

I've been trying to write this post for an hour.

I’ve been trying to sum up my family problems but there’s too much to write. Even when I try to keep it short I can’t. There’s just so much shit that it’s infuriating. Here’s some bullet points about shit that’s just completely pissing me off. It’s in no particular order than that of which it came into my brain. Enjoy.

​

* My sister is a narcissist that has adult tantrums to get what she wants * My sister has a huge victim complex and plays the victim to manipulate our parents * My mum believes her bs and has been rationalising her tantrums for over 10 years, always referring to some external factor that is “giving her a hard time at the moment”. * My dad would say nasty things about my mum in private and expect me to agree with him * My dad would put me down and pick on me, with my sister, using things I was sensitive about (I got picked on at school for being skinny as a kid and my dad and her picked on me for that too – HE GOT BULLIED FOR THAT TOO AS A KID) * My dad would compete with me in some of the weirdest ways, for example he bought me a nice gaming computer for christmas once, then bought himself one that was twice as powerful saying it’s for “work” lol. He was also a gamer tho * My dad saw me as an extension of his legacy, when he was a programmer he kept trying to force me to become one, then as an electrician he was telling me how he wants to “take over the family business” (btw he ended up going bankrupt cos he’s a horrible businessman lol) * My dad told my mum we were going through “hard times” and he didn’t have much money, could she please take out debt on her credit cards. She maxed her credit cards, he put money away in a separate account ,then left her * My sister has two personalities, one with her immediate family where she’s a complete bitch and we have to walk on eggshells around her, and if an outsider is around she will immediately flip to being a nice, bubbly girl who’s always laughing and smiling. Oh and btw comparing herself to me, to “subtly” (or she thinks) tell everyone how much better she is lol. I mean yeah she’s pretty talented and nobody denies that, she’s very artistic unlike myself, but I guess also insecure about it. * I have to walk on eggshells around my sister, put up with her constant bs and putting me down (when I broke the news I split up with a gf I was in love with, she immediately began to laugh at me, in front of my mum who said nothing btw, and put me down for it telling me I’ll die alone. Haha good one sis) * If I refuse to put up with this level of crap, my sister gets into a mood where she won’t talk to me and overreacts. She’s getting married btw, and I shouted at her, once, when she was being an irritating bitch, putting me down constantly, right after our grandmother died and I was a bit on edge, so she cut communication with me and uninvited me from her wedding. She’s the real victim here, folks, and she must play the part. * My mum will beg me to “just get along with my sister” (see: put up with her constant crap, and her attempts to find dirt to embarrass me in front of family members while simultaneously propping herself up as some sort of wonder-woman). The last time we “fell out” I refused and my mum starts crying, after years of this nonsense I tell her enough is enough but no, my mum and my sister are the victims and I’m a cold hearted bastard * My mum keeps saying some strange shit to me lately. I’ve never shared a lot with my mum, but she’s always tried to pry, however it’s going beyond that. Lately she asked how an “ex” ( a girl I dated for 1 month when I was 15) was doing. I said she ended up getting pregnant at like 17 and having a kid. My mum says “that could have been you”. I told her “wtf of course not”. “You never know, son. Imagine that was you”… huh? Really uncomfortable situation * My mum constantly complains about her dad. How he’s always outside doing random “jobs” that don’t need doing. How he’s not doing the “jobs” that do need doing. How he doesn’t do anything she asks him to do right there and then. How he’s only watching crap on TV. How now he’s not watching anything on TV anymore, just sitting there doing nothing. How he’s so malodramatic in pretending that his leg is hurting (a car fell onto his leg like 40 years ago, he had some surgery to reconstruct his knee but he’s always had pain and problems) or how he’s playing on his vertigo. How he keeps “hoarding” stuff like old wood (which he ends up using btw to re-use to build fences and so on) in a shed outside that she herself NEVER goes in. She’ll go in like once every 2 months then get mad that it’s messy and tell him to throw it out * I have to put up with an uncle who won’t have a normal conversation with me, only talk to me sarcastically, for the sake of my mum. When he comes over I don’t go to the living room to sit with everyone and hang out with him, but according to her I should, because the poor guy just doesn’t know what to say, and he’s just trying to bond with me or something * I have an aunty that I get along with but my mum despises. This aunty said one “mean” thing to my sister once about 8 years ago now and my mum is still mad about it. Being the reasonable person that she is, my mum let’s me maintain a relationship with her but constantly guilt trip me by telling me how mean she was to my sister one time and how she’s a bad person * My mum’s sister in law texts her a lot, usually random crap and my mum gets annoyed and proclaims how she has decided to ignore her messages and only reply every 3 hours or so. Eventually, she stops replying altogether, my aunty then stops texting her, and my mum gets mad that my aunty is “in a mood” and no longer texting. Typical Marie!!! She’s so hot and cold! * My grandad’s wife, my nan, her own mother, died recently. She was aged 77 and her and my grandad have been dating since around 14 years old. My grandad has been slipping into a depression and my mum just COMPLAINS how he cannot do that because she needs someone to walk the dog in the morning and he should “snap out of it” * My mum has such a victim complex that like my sister I’ve always been careful not to rebel or complain or even *gasp* disagree with her because she gets upset. At this point I just want to scream at her to stop being such a selfish bitch and support her dad who is clearly suffering after the love of his life passed away instead of telling me how pathetic he is. * My mum got a dog and my sister GOT MAD AT ME because I tried to teach it to sit on the first day. ISNT THAT WHAT YOURE MEANT TO DO? No, actually, I’m cruel and the dog is “too young for that”, instead we should coddle it, let it bite us, let is become a misbehaving brat, and in about 6 months time we can begin to train it. This resulted in, you guessed it, my sister having a tantrum when my mum and everyone else agreed with me that yes you train your dog from the first day. In the end, she got her way, and now my mum has a dog she can’t control, that she constantly makes excuses for – just like she does for my sister’s tantrums LOL. If this wasn’t my damn life it would be funny. I’m sick of calling home and hearing about how my dog has been “behaving this week, but now we’re taking a backwards turn because he’s biting again”.

​

I’m studying abroad now and I only call home like every 2 weeks at this point. I don’t text my mum anymore on facebook. I’m sick of calling back and my mum isn’t interested about my life at all, only wants to complain about her stupid shitty problems and her dad. She also likes to update me on my sister’s life and pretend like we still get along. She doesn’t even acknowledge the fact we don’t, most of the time. I DONT FUCKING CARE ANYMORE. I’m done.