#cassian stop thinking challenge (failed)

[yaralulu]

me when I’m delusional and out of touch.

“No other male would be a a fairer ruler” i can name like 7 other people.

“Prythian would be blessed to have such leaders” a guy who can barely run his court and his inexperienced 20 y/o gf leading a nation would obviously be such a blessing 🙏🙏.

[dumb-ster-fire]

Night Incarnate - Part 4

Azriel x OC

warnings: blood,violence,trauma,abuse

Summary: A deadly assassin and the elusive leader of Veilforged, Nyra delivers justice from the shadows, wielding starlight and darkness with lethal precision. Operating from Night's Refuge, she rescues the powerless and turns them into warriors. Whispers of her name spread through Prythian, but few know the truth-only that where justice fails, Night Incarnate rises.

Masterlist

--------------------------------------------------------------

Rhysand’s war room was silent as Azriel finished speaking.

Feyre was the first to break it. “She was there?”

Azriel gave a single, sharp nod. “She killed everyone before I could intervene. Flawlessly.”

Cassian let out a low whistle. “So she’s fast.”

Azriel’s hazel gaze flicked to him. “Beyond fast.” His shadows shifted slightly, restless. “She moves like me.”

Mor straightened. “You’re saying she’s Illyrian?”

Azriel hesitated. The way she fought, the way she wielded shadows… It felt Illyrian.

And yet—not entirely.

“I don’t know,” he admitted, voice low, thoughtful. “But she knew I was coming. She wanted me to find her.”

Nesta’s steel-like gaze was locked onto Azriel. “And how did she seem?”

Azriel met her stare. “Amused.”

Rhysand exhaled slowly. “She’s toying with us.”

Azriel nodded. “Yes.”

And that was what unsettled him the most.

Nyra wasn’t panicking. She wasn’t hiding.

She was leading him deeper.

Letting him catch glimpses, just enough to keep him chasing.

Feyre studied him carefully. “Do you think she’s a threat?”

Azriel didn’t hesitate.

“She’s the most dangerous person I’ve encountered in centuries.”

Silence.

Then—

Amren chuckled softly. “Good.”

Azriel arched a brow.

Amren tilted her head, silver eyes gleaming. “I was getting bored.”

Cassian grinned, shaking his head. “This is insane.”

But Rhysand—Rhysand was smiling.

A slow, knowing smile.

“She’s playing a game,” the High Lord murmured. “And I think she just invited us to join.”

--------------------------------------------------------------

Deep in Night’s Refuge, Nyra sat at her desk, fingers tracing the edge of a dagger.

She could still feel Azriel’s presence. Still hear his voice.

Let’s find out.

A wicked, darkly amused smirk curled her lips.

He was curious now. Hooked.

Just as she had planned.

Dravien leaned against the wall across from her, arms crossed. “You enjoyed that too much.”

Nyra’s pale green eyes flicked up, glinting like starlight. “Did I?”

Sylus snorted. “You breathed in his space, Nyra.”

Elara smirked, resting her chin on her hand. “He’s never going to stop chasing you now.”

Kyra arched a brow. “So what’s the next move?”

Nyra twirled the dagger between her fingers, considering.

Azriel had tracked her this far. He wouldn’t stop.

And now, the Inner Circle would be watching, too.

She had wanted this.

Because soon, the Night Court would know the truth.

Veilforged was not their enemy.

But if they stood in her way—they would learn why shadows and starlight were the deadliest weapons of all.

Nyra smirked, tapping the dagger against the desk.

“Let the hunt begin.”

--------------------------------------------------------------

Azriel sat perched on the roof of the House of Wind, staring out at the lights of Velaris.

The city glittered below, a painting of serenity. A place of safety.

And yet, beyond its borders—in the shadows, in the dark corners of Prythian—

Nyra was waiting.

No, not waiting, he corrected. Moving. Planning.

She had chosen him as her opponent. Her game.

And Azriel had never walked away from a challenge.

A flicker of movement behind him.

Azriel didn’t turn. “You’re up late.”

Rhysand’s presence settled beside him. “So are you.”

Azriel said nothing.

Rhysand leaned against the rooftop edge, his violet eyes scanning the city. “She got to you.”

Azriel exhaled through his nose. “She’s dangerous.”

A slow smirk from his High Lord. “And intriguing, apparently.”

Azriel finally looked at him, shadows curling around his shoulders. “She’s more than a myth, Rhys. She’s built something out of nothing, something even we couldn’t detect for centuries.” He hesitated. “She’s trained them. Strengthened them. And she’s doing it for a reason.”

Rhysand’s amusement faded slightly. “And what reason is that?”

Azriel’s wings shifted. “She doesn’t kill for power.”

That much had become clear.

Every death, every mission—it had purpose.

Justice, not chaos. Retribution, not cruelty.

And yet—

“She plays with you,” Rhysand mused, arms crossing over his chest. “That night in Winter Court. She let you find her.”

Azriel’s jaw tightened. “Yes.”

Rhysand tilted his head. “She’s watching, then.”

Azriel nodded, already knowing the truth. “And waiting to see if I’m worthy of catching her.”

A low chuckle. “And?”

Azriel’s hazel eyes gleamed. “I intend to find out.”

--------------------------------------------------------------

Nyra strode through the training grounds of Night’s Refuge, watching as the Veils moved like wraiths in the dark.

A group of trainees stood before her—new recruits, young and eager but scarred from the lives they had fled.

Kyra stood beside her, dark hair glinting in the torchlight.

“They’re promising,” Kyra murmured, watching as a young Illyrian girl dodged a strike with fluid ease.

Nyra nodded slightly. “They need purpose.”

Kyra’s eyes flicked to her. “Like you did?”

Nyra didn’t answer immediately. Because it was true.

The Veils were more than a force of shadows. They were survivors.

Just like her.

Dravien approached then, his golden-brown eyes sharp. “We got word from our contacts in Hewn City.”

Nyra glanced at him, expecting the worst.

But Dravien’s mouth twitched.

“We’re being hunted.”

Elara strolled up behind him, grinning. “And guess who’s leading the charge?”

Nyra smirked, already knowing.

Azriel.

“He’s not wasting time,” Sylus muttered, joining them.

“No,” Nyra agreed, watching the recruits spar. “And neither will we.”

Because if the Inner Circle wanted answers—

Then it was time for them to step into the dark.

And see what the Veilforged truly was.

--------------------------------------------------------------

Azriel landed in Hewn City, shadows stretching as he stepped onto the dark stone streets.

The city pulsed with its usual decadence and corruption. But tonight, the filth felt different.

Because tonight, he was not the only predator in the dark.

A whisper of movement.

A presence.

Azriel didn’t react, but he felt it.

And then—

A voice.

Smooth as starlight and sin.

“You found me again, Shadowsinger.”

Azriel turned.

And there she was.

Nyra stood beneath a broken archway, her long white hair glowing in the dim light.

Her pale green eyes glimmered, unreadable.

Azriel held her gaze, his own unreadable. Dangerous.

Nyra tilted her head. “You’re persistent.”

Azriel’s shadows curled around his wings. “And you enjoy it.”

A slow, wicked smile. “Maybe.”

Azriel took a step closer, voice low, dark. “Then let’s stop pretending.”

Nyra arched a delicate brow.

“Let’s,” she murmured.

And then—she vanished.

Azriel’s pulse quickened, his own shadows following.

Because this time—

He wouldn’t let her escape.

--------------------------------------------------------------

Azriel didn’t hesitate.

The moment Nyra vanished, his shadows surged forward, stretching into the cracks of Hewn City to follow her.

Not this time.

He pushed off the ground, his wings flaring as he shot upward. Tracking. Hunting.

She had led him here, just like before. Taunting. Testing.

But this time, he would not let her slip through his fingers.

Azriel’s shadows whispered, guiding him to the rooftops. To her.

And there she was.

Standing at the edge of a crumbling spire, silhouetted against the dark sky. Watching him.

Nyra turned slightly, a slow, knowing smile curling on her lips.

“Fast,” she mused, her voice carried by the wind. Teasing.

Azriel landed soundlessly a few feet away, wings tucking in. “You knew I’d follow.”

Nyra tilted her head, her pale green eyes glinting with amusement.

“I was counting on it.”

And then—she leapt.

Azriel lunged forward, but she was already vanishing mid-air, swallowed by shadows.

Not Illyrian flight. Not winnowing.

Something else. Something darker.

Azriel shot off the rooftop, chasing after the fading threads of her power.

He landed in a narrow alley, silent as death.

A whisper of laughter—right behind him.

He pivoted, a dagger appearing in his hand.

Nyra was standing only an arm’s length away.

No weapons drawn. No aggression. Just watching. Waiting.

Azriel studied her, his pulse steady but his instincts flaring.

She was dangerous.

Not just because of her skill—but because she was enjoying this.

Nyra smirked. “You track well, Shadowsinger.”

Azriel didn’t lower his blade. “And you run well.”

A soft laugh, dark and velvety. “I prefer playing.”

Azriel’s hazel eyes sharpened. “Is that what this is?”

Nyra stepped closer, slow and deliberate. The scent of dark cherries and lilac wrapped around him.

Her voice was a whisper of silk. “It could be.”

Azriel didn’t move. Didn’t let himself be drawn in.

Because this was exactly what she wanted.

Nyra watched him, something calculating in her gaze. Then she tilted her head.

“You don’t understand yet, do you?”

Azriel narrowed his eyes. “Enlighten me.”

Nyra’s fingers glowed faintly with starlight, twirling a dagger of pure radiance between her fingertips.

“You think this is a war.” She smiled—wicked and knowing. “But it’s a choice.”

Azriel’s grip on his dagger tightened.

A choice?

Before he could speak, Nyra took a single step back.

And then—she vanished into the shadows.

This time, completely gone.

Azriel let out a slow, measured breath, shadows twisting around his wrists.

A choice.

That single word echoed in his mind.

Because she wasn’t just taunting him.

She was daring him to see the truth.

And Azriel had never backed down from a challenge.

--------------------------------------------------------------

When Azriel returned to Velaris, the war room was already filled.

Rhysand sat at the head of the table, his violet eyes unreadable. Waiting.

Feyre stood beside him, arms crossed, her face a mask of quiet concern.

Cassian leaned back in his chair, tension rippling through his broad frame.

Nesta, Amren, Mor—all of them were watching.

Waiting for his report.

Azriel dropped into his usual seat, shadows still stirring around him.

“She’s playing a game,” he said at last. “And we’re all part of it.”

Rhysand studied him carefully. “She spoke to you again.”

Azriel gave a short nod. “Yes.”

Cassian exhaled, rubbing a hand down his face. “And?”

Azriel’s mind raced with everything she had said—the way she moved, the way she tested him.

“She doesn’t see us as enemies,” he admitted. “Not yet.”

Feyre frowned. “Then what does she see us as?”

Azriel met her gaze.

“A choice.”

Silence fell over the table.

Rhysand’s fingers tapped against the wood. “A choice for what?”

Azriel hesitated. Then, in a quiet, unwavering voice, he said:

“To leave her and the Veilforged alone.”

Cassian scoffed. “And if we don’t?”

Azriel’s shadows curled.

“Then we become her enemies.”

A pause.

Then Mor let out a low, knowing laugh.

“She’s got you wrapped around her little finger, doesn’t she?”

Azriel shot her a cool glare.

Mor only smirked, eyes glinting with amusement. “I’m just saying. It’s not often someone gets under your skin.”

Azriel ignored her, turning back to Rhysand.

“She’s waiting for our next move.” His voice was calm. Steady. “What do we do?”

Rhysand leaned back in his chair, his violet eyes glowing with intrigue.

For a long moment, he said nothing.

Then—a slow, knowing smile.

“We play.”

--------------------------------------------------------------

In the depths of Night’s Refuge, Nyra stood at her desk, her fingers tracing the intricate Veil Sigil embedded in her cuffs.

The faint hum of power echoed beneath her touch—a reminder of the balance she had created.

Of the storm she had set in motion.

The Veilforged had remained a myth for centuries. A whisper in the shadows.

But now—now the Night Court was watching.

And Azriel was hunting.

Nyra smirked, still feeling the way his hazel eyes had locked onto her. Calculating. Dangerous.

She had let him get close. Let him believe he was gaining on her.

Because she wanted him to.

Because the moment the Inner Circle saw the truth, the moment they understood what she had built—

They would be forced to decide.

Dravien strode into the room, his golden-brown eyes sharp with amusement. “He’s obsessed with you now.”

Nyra didn’t look up. “Good.”

Sylus followed, arms crossed, his massive frame radiating quiet power. “It’s a risk, Nyra.”

She finally met his gaze. Unwavering. Unyielding.

“It’s necessary.”

Kyra and Elara slipped in next, both watching her with different expressions—Kyra wary, Elara intrigued.

“We’ve never had an opponent like this,” Kyra said softly.

Nyra tilted her head. “That’s because we’ve never invited one before.”

A beat of silence.

Then Elara’s lips curved. “And what happens when they finally come knocking?”

Nyra leaned back against the desk, her smirk wicked, lethal.

“Then we welcome them inside.”

--------------------------------------------------------------

Azriel stood at the edge of the Sidra, the cool night air brushing over his skin.

He could still feel the faintest trace of starlight and shadow.

Nyra had been here. Recently.

A message. A warning.

A choice.

Cassian landed beside him, his wings rustling. “I don’t like this.”

Azriel didn’t respond immediately, his eyes fixed on the quiet ripple of the water.

“She’s watching,” Cassian muttered. “She’s been one step ahead of us since the beginning.”

Azriel finally turned to him. “She wants us to see her.”

Cassian’s brows furrowed. “And that doesn’t worry you?”

Azriel’s shadows tightened around him.

It did.

Because Nyra was not like anyone he had hunted before.

She was leading him somewhere.

And he wasn’t sure if he was walking into a trap—

Or into the truth.

Rhysand’s voice floated through his mind, calm and amused. We play.

Azriel exhaled slowly, wings shifting.

Then let the darkness swallow him whole.

Because if Nyra wanted a game—

Then he would give her one.

One she wouldn’t see coming.

--------------------------------------------------------------

Deep within the halls of Night’s Refuge, Nyra stood before her gathered Veils.

The best of them. The strongest.

Her chosen.

Their eyes glowed with unwavering loyalty, with the kind of fierce devotion that could never be broken.

These were not just warriors. They were survivors.

And she would never let them fall.

Nyra lifted a hand, her starlight pulsing through the room.

“The Inner Circle is watching,” she said, her voice smooth, commanding. “They are waiting for us to make a move.”

Silence.

Then Dravien stepped forward, his golden-brown eyes dark with knowing. “Then let’s make one.”

A slow, dangerous smile spread across Nyra’s lips.

“Yes.”

And as the Veilforged moved into the night, unseen and unstoppable—

Nyra whispered, just loud enough for the shadows to hear:

Let them follow.

[silverflameataraxia]

I thought the point of ACOSF was for Nesta to heal into a version of herself that the IC approved of, but in HOFAS they still don't like her, so what, exactly, did ACOSF accomplish?

I feel like any good that came out of that book was ripped to shreds in HOFAS. Nesta still isn't healed as we see her lost and spiraling back into that pit of despair. She still isn't happy. Nessian aren't in a good place as Cassian still can't stick up for Nesta, and he still won't defend and protect her. Worse, Nesta no longer feels safe around Cassian because she either thinks he'll harm her directly or that he won't stop harm from coming to her. Nezriel aren't in a good place since Az clearly won't lift a finger to protect Nesta from execution. Nesta and Rhys still hate each other, and he still wants her dead, even though he's only alive because of her. Nesta still isn't getting along with Feyre and Elain (which isn't surprising since she's the only one owning up to anything. Elain and Feyre are shit sisters who need to own up to it rather than constantly putting the blame of their failed relationship on Nesta). Nesta still isn't getting along with the IC, she's still asserting that she's not a part of the Night Court, and it's not her home. So what did the almost-700 page book accomplish?

I do think everything is setting the stage for Nesta to find out she's Starborn and reawaken the Dusk Court, but why couldn't she have opted for the human lands or try to seek refuge in another court for her book? The only thing that wasn't ruined in HOFAS was Gwyn and Emerie, but why couldn't they have been females that she met outside of the Night Court, away from the IC? When it comes to the IC, the only thing ACOSF accomplished was all the parallels between Tamlin's treatment of Feyre and the IC's treatment of Nesta, and Lucien/Cassian's complicity. So was the point of the book to start an arc to challenge the IC?

[nikethestatue]

I feel like there is something to be said about the fact that Cassian was stopped from going to save his mate and her friends . He's not assertive as much as all of you think , he'll never truly break rules for anyone (including Nesta) . If that was Feyre in the BR, nothing could've stopped Rhys from going , and if it was Elain, nothing could've stopped Azriel

I don't know if I agree, but I also look at things from the standpoint of the larger narrative as well as the background that we were given.

Narratively speaking, Nesta's journey was her own and her friends. It's Nesta's book, so Nesta needed to find her own personal strength, her magical strength, her perseverance, and her grit. The Blood Rite wouldn't have made sense with her and Cassian. In fact, she BECAME Cassian during the ordeal. She was the driver, the climber, the deliverer. She BECAME an Illyrian, like Rhys said.

She also needed to hold the Breaking and she needed to overcome the Queen. So narratively it makes sense. This was the culmination of Nesta's actual journey.

In terms of the background, we know that Cassian had to walk a thin line being the general of the Illyrians. For him breaking something that he truly believes in and respects, in addition to the political ramifications of him messing with the BR would be huge. And not just for him, but also for Rhys the High Lord, and the rebelling that they barely just put down the previous year.

Cassian isn't Azriel--Azriel doesn't give a shit about the Illyrians AND Azriel winnows/shadow walks. For him, breaking the 'sanctity' of the BR wouldn't have been this moral failing, plus. if he wanted to, he could've done it without discovery. Cassian would've needed to flap in there, make a scene, drag someone in there--presumably Azriel, to winnow him--grab Nesta, and if Nesta wasn't with the other two, Nesta would've said she is not leaving without them. Then what happens? They are bouncing around the BR, looking for 3 women?

There are actual challenges to him attempting to get her.

I also think it's untrue that Rhys wouldn't have cared. For example, Rhys sent Mor to get Feyre from Spring, knowing that if he did it himself, he'd plunge them all into a war. Rhys acts, but he is also rational and cautious.

The only 'irrational' person is frankly Azriel--he basically just says 'fuck this shit, I am going' and he just goes. He is typically less concerned about the fallout. Whether it's good or bad, I don't know, but he disregarded all caution and went to get Elain.

[bookishwithathought]

ACOSF Bonus Chapter Breakdown Part IV - Azriel and Rhys

Part I - Azriel and Elain:

https://www.tumblr.com/bookishwithathought/749493410186117120/acosf-bonus-chapter-breakdown-part-i-azriel-and?source=share

Part II - Azriel and Elain:

https://www.tumblr.com/bookishwithathought/749514748072263680/acosf-bonus-chapter-breakdown-azriel-and-elain?source=share

Part III - Azriel and Rhys

https://www.tumblr.com/bookishwithathought/749608980299612161/acosf-bonus-chapter-breakdown-azriel-and-rhys?source=share

**This is just me, analyzing the life out of the bonus chapter and all the possibilities. My thoughts and no one else's. If you agree, great. If you disagree, love it. If you want to share why you disagree, love it even more. If you are disrespectful while disagreeing, I kindly request that you move along, and if you insist you will be left to argue with yourself**

I think Az is projecting here. He felt like he was not good enough for Mor, and she didn't show any interest in him.

From ACOWAR (emphasis mine):

“It wouldn’t have been fair to him. So I slept with Cassian, and Azriel thought I deemed him unsuitable, and then everything happened and …” Her fingers tightened on mine. “After Azriel found me with that note nailed to my womb … I tried to explain. But he started to confess what he felt, and I panicked, and … and to get him to stop, to keep him from saying he loved me, I just turned and left, and … and I couldn’t face explaining it after that. To Az, to the others.”

Why is Rhys being so persistent in his challenge of Azriel's reasoning and actions?

Possibilities:

Rhys knows that Azriel has longed for the mating bond/love for so long that his frustrations are starting to spill over and wants to stop Az from using Elain to release that frustration

Rhys wants to keep Elain from being thrown into Azriel's personal issues and potentially be hurt in the process

Rhys is challenging Az to think through his feelings instead of letting them override reason, to think about future consequence

I personally fail to see how one can read this and deny that Azriel isn't thinking long term with Elain.

He said nothing because he has no objection to Rhys's counterarguments. Because Azriel knows Rhys is reading him and his intentions correctly and has run out of excuses.

Gotten that far...certainly not beyond fantasies...:

It's important to note the use of the word "certainly" here. There is a finality to it that confirms Azriel hasn't even once considered a future life with Elain. There's a lack of permanence in Azriel's intentions toward Elain.

Azriel is thinking of the immediate. He has needs and wants that are rushing out after centuries of containing them and he wants release. Him not thinking about Elain beyond finding that release is troubling, especially considering he has had about 2 years since they met to think of plans which he hadn't once.

The author could've given a hint of Az's thoughts on the future here, but purposefully didn't, pointing to there being no future for Azriel and Elain together.

Azriel challenges Rhys on this order because Rhys is pulling rank as his High Lord on he deems to be a private and personal matter.

Lucien could, but would he?

From ACOWAR:

But understand while you may be her mate, Elain is my sister. I’ll do what I must to protect her from further harm.” “I would never hurt her.” A bleak sort of honesty in his words.

Invoking the Blood Duel could potentially hurt Elain, either by Lucien killing Azriel, tainting their connection by blood, or by being killed because Elain would be negatively impacted by his death.

On the bond, from ACOWAR:

Even Nesta seemed relatively concerned. Not for him, no doubt, but the fact that if he were hurt, or killed … What would it do to Elain? The severing of the mating bond … I shut out the thought of what it’d do to me.

Based on what we know of Lucien, he would not go to such extremes, instead respecting Elain's choices.

Azriel showing this level of disregard for Lucien is problematic. Lucien is Feyer's friend and attends their social gatherings. He works as a courtier/emissary for the Night Court. Lucien works directly with Azriel by providing reports to him. He is bonded to Elain and Azriel, being quite familiar with how the bond works and how it can affect the mates, knows it could hurt her if Lucien were killed. And yet, he is so blinded by his desires that he cannot see how unreasonable he is being. This shows Azriel is only thinking of himself.

*Love isn't selfish or destructive.*

Considering all the connections tied to Lucien, it makes sense Rhys would react with such ferocit and he is correct.

Kill Lucien and it gives Beron reason to come after the Night Court, or push him toward allying with others against the NC.

Kill Lucien and whatever effort Rhys has put into restoring the Spring Court is for nought, and it would give Tamlin reason to stand against the NC

Kill Lucien, who is working closely and living with Jurian and Vassa, and the NC loses that alliance and the human support that comes with it.

The last statement to this section is crucial and worth noting. If Rhys is indeed reading Azriel correctly, and Rhys advises Az to go to a pleasure hall if he needs sexual release, then it heavily suggests, if not confirm, Azriel pursuing Elain is only lust and frustration.

Again, this was a great place for the author to show Az's feelings toward Elain. Azriel could've verbalized an objection to Rhys's implication that it's only lust, or we could've glimpsed into thoughts of objection, but there is no response.

"Panting after her": word choice is very important. Rhys reduces Az's intent toward Elain to "panting". Strongly suggests lust.

Earlier in the chapter we see Azriel comment he only lets Rhys see the rage within because he can match it, and we see that in play throughout their interaction, coming to conclusion here.

Azriel had entered an unhealthy place mentally and emotionally, and Rhys was able to bring him back to reason.

To be continued...

[greatbritishsimchallenge]

"Cassian! I have amazing news!" beamed Elizabeth.

"Is that so, my love? Pray tell!"

"I'm pregnant!"

Cassian hugged Elizabeth and began to rub his hands over her bump, "How far along are you? This is... a sizeable bump."

"I don't know much about these things, sweetie. Must have been from one of our spirited love-making sessions a while back and it's just taken me a minute to realise."

"But we didn't make love in a manner that could bear children until quite recently?" asked Cassian, confused.

"What are you talking about?" laughed Elizabeth, "We've been at it since long before our wedding day! It's honestly a wonder this hasn't happened already."

"No, but -" Cassian tried to interrupt, but Elizabeth quickly covered him in kisses.

"Oh, you are going to be such a wonderful father, I can't wait! I must dash, sweetheart, I have a riding lesson booked and you know how fussy the squires get if you're late. Honestly, you'd think the mood of the horse was more important than my own!"

Before Cassian could challenge her further, Elizabeth had left.

Cassian sought out Henry to ask his thoughts.

"Perhaps she is right, father. Perhaps you just forgot one of your particular episodes with her? You have been rather active, after all."

"Maybe I am just becoming forgetful in my old age..." Cassian replied, unconvinced. "I'll try talking to her again when she returns from riding."

Hearing that Elizabeth was out riding, Henry quickly shifted tact.

"Although," he added cautiously, "If you are that concerned, I wouldn't wait. Perhaps she didn't feel able to speak openly in the castle - the walls have too many ears. Perhaps in the privacy of the woods she might feel able to be more honest?"

Cassian nodded sombrely, "I suppose... I'll go talk to her. I'm probably wrong, but... something just feels off."

"Better to be sure with these things," Henry agreed. As he watched his father leave, Henry felt a cautious happiness build within him.

Story continues under the cut (NSFW: sex, murder, domestic violence against women)

It took Cassian some time to find Elizabeth. Eventually it was the noise that drew him to her; at first it sounded like the intense rustling of animals fighting, then the noises became distinctly more human and sounded like moaning and groaning. Concerned she might be hurt, Cassian rushed towards the sound and halted to an abrupt stop when he was able to see the source of noise.

Cassian watched Elizabeth rolling around in the grass with her lover, his rage building as she failed to notice that she was being watched. As he watched, he thought of all the times she was with him. With him, sex with her suddenly seemed like an amateur dramatic performance filled with over-the-top cries of pleasure and performative declarations of love. Seeing her with this man, Cassian could see how real and genuine her pleasure was - and that only infuriated him more.

"Elizabeth!"

"Cassian!" Elizabeth pushed the man away from her and lept up, looking frantically around as if for some reasoning she could give to what Cassian had seen. "I... umm... thank goodness you're here! That man attacked me!"

Cassian looked the petrified, naked man once over and saw the way he looked at Elizabeth with eyes filled with hurt and betrayal.

"You're lying. I watched you two together and you were wanting every fucking second," Cassian snarled, before adding to the man, "Get out of here." The man grabbed his clothes and rushed to his horse, galloping off without looking back.

Cassian stepped menacingly towards Elizabeth.

"That baby is not mine, is it?"

"Cassian, darling, of course it is. This was a one time mistake, I -"

"Stop lying to me!" Cassian yelled, grabbing Elizabeth by the throat. "How long have you been lying to me? Did you ever even love me? Or have you just been using me all of this time? You were going to pass another man's child off as mine? You made me think you loved me! How could you do this to me, you evil whore!"

In his rage, Cassian failed to recognise how tightly he gripped Elizabeth's neck, nor how her flails were growing weaker. It was only when her eyes closed and her arms dropped to her sides that he released her. Her dead body fell in a crumple to the floor.

The moment her body fell, all of Cassian's rage left his body and was immediately replaced with sadness.

"What have I done? What have I done? What have I done?" I repeated over and over to himself.

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[starsreminisce]

Every time someone brings up the supposed "four books of build-up" for Elriel, it never fails to amuse me.

In ACOSF, it's clear that the highly anticipated relationship between Elain and Azriel didn't unfold as expected. After finishing TOG, I'm increasingly convinced that their "buildup" may not carry the same weight as anticipated.

While it's delightful to immerse in their love stories, a more substantial menace looms, necessitating the mating of two couples to overcome the formidable adversary.

In simple terms, the storylines set by SJM for Elain and Azriel have diverged since the Solstice, and Azriel's canonically strong refusal to involve Elain in matters with innate darkness remains a key factor.

Nesta's words seem to offer a glimpse into the story's trajectory during Starfall:

She had a vague sense of Cassian and Mor and Azriel nearby, of Feyre and Rhys and Lucien, of Elain and Varian and Helion.

The intentional arrangement of Lucien and Elain together but separated by a mere comma, while Elain and Azriel are distinctly set apart within a group that includes her mate, someone who threatened Azriel to keep his distance, and another who advocated for Elain to give Lucien a chance, is not a random choice. The sentence's structure conveys a deliberate intention.

Lucien's final appearance is with Elain, while his last reference is about Jesminda and Beron. Elain's last appearance and mention occur at the gravesite of her father, whom Lucien had traveled with for the majority of ACOWAR.

It becomes especially significant when Elain is grouped with her mate's father and the neighbor from his home court, without his Inner Circle girlfriend.

I think the next two books would follow these two groups, which does perfectly set up Elucien and Gwynriel for the next two books and they work interchangeably.

One book depicts Elucien's quest for Koschei's box around Prythian, while the other follows Gwynriel's mission to free the maidens captured by Koschei in the other continent. While other plot developments may emerge, it's worth noting that SJM is known for prioritizing romance over the plot.

I find it challenging to envision an Elriel-centric plot that could effectively contribute to defeating Koschei without resorting to a redundant training storyline.

By the end of ACOSF, both Elriel and Elucien find themselves separated, especially given the lack of observations from both Nesta and Cassian of Elriel, especially in key moments where they are in the same room. While the reasons behind Elriel not speaking have been revealed, the motives for Elucien avoiding each other remain. Nevertheless, this hasn't stopped Lucien from actively participating in Starfall.

The intriguing dilemma lies in finding a suitable way for Elain and Azriel to coexist within the same narrative. Notably, SJM emphasized Azriel's reluctance to expose Elain to the 'innate darkness' of the trove. This leads to a compelling question: Will he simply step aside and accept Elain's involvement in facing a more substantial threat than just three items? Azriel's deep concern was evident and underscored during a private conversation with Cassian.

Azriel's stubbornness aside, can we also realistically expect Azriel not to attempt a daring rescue of maidens trapped by an evil entity? He's been dedicated to post-Solstice activities, co-training violence victims to qualify for the Blood Rite, and spending time with a certain copper-haired priestess who has been listening to Azriel's spy techniques.

Elain is not included in these training endeavors.

In light of how the Elriel, Elucien, and Gwynriel dynamics are unfolding in the quest to defeat Koschei, it seems that Elriel, despite the 'build up' spanning four books, is becoming an unlikely contender.

[talkfantasytome]

There's A Fine, Fine Line

Cassian and Nesta have been having casual sex for a year, but it's not enough anymore.

Warnings: Angst | Word Count: 1,206 | Read on AO3

Nessian Masterlist

a/n: Based on/Inspired by the song There's a Fine, Fine Line from Avenue Q.

Written for Day 4 of @sjmromanceweek. (Yes, I did two for today. Sue me. 👀)

Cassian paced around his living room, waiting.

He was too jittery to sit or watch tv or read or do anything else. He'd go for a walk outside, but he didn't have the time. She would be there soon.

Today was the day. Nothing was going to stop him. This time.

He tried not to think about how often he'd told himself that before.

It was at least fifteen minutes before he finally heard a knock at the door.

It took him all of two seconds to reach the chestnut wood and pull it open. He needed to get his thoughts out before he lost his nerve. Again.

Standing in the threshold was Nesta Archeron. Looking like the fantasy Cassian knew she could be.

Just seeing her cut his resolve in half. The way she held herself, how she smiled up at him, the messy bun her golden brown hair was pulled into. She was so beautiful. So…perfect. It had his stomach twisting.

"Hi," she greeted, walking into his apartment like she owned the place. Sometimes it felt like she did. But not today.

"Hey." His heart thundered against his chest, beating fast and furious. It sent his skin vibrating and he was certain if she looked close enough, Nesta would be able to see the very shape of his heart as it pounded within him. Like a cartoon meeting the love of its life, only in this case the heart would likely be torn in two.

Nesta stood near him and pushed herself onto her toes to give him a kiss. He turned his face so that her lips pressed against his cheek. And when she dropped back to her heels, she looked up at him in confusion.

"Is everything okay?"

Cassian's hammering pulse intensified as he sighed, "Not really." He took her hand and led her to the couch. "We need to talk."

He sat down and pulled her into the spot beside him. Nesta's eyes were wide, her head tilted slightly.

Cassian shifted his gaze to look at the wall in front of him, knowing that he wouldn't be able to say what he needed to while looking at her. He'd already tried. Three times. And failed spectacularly.

For his own sanity, he couldn't fail a fourth.

"Cassian?" she breathed, her hand resting on his leg. The warmth of it spread quickly through his body, muddying his thoughts.

Inhaling deeply, he finally found the words to start. "Something needs to change, Nesta." He exhaled, his shoulders sagging slightly in relief. It wasn't everything he needed to say, but it was enough to help him speak the rest.

"I can't do this anymore," he continued, his head hanging. "This…agreement."

"What do you mean?"

He tangled his fingers together, pressing and pulling at them. A nervous habit.

He'd climbed the mountain, and it was glorious. The uphill challenge set a fire in his bones. But when he finally reached the top he realized that the climb…it may not have been worth it. He thought it was, those first nights at the peak. And those views did get to him every time. But then the sun would set, and he'd find himself cold and alone.

"It's been almost a year, Nesta. And nothing's changed."

She let out a scoff. "Of course it hasn't. That was the point."

He knew that. He knew when they'd started what Nesta wanted: nothing. Nothing but sex. And some post-sex cuddling, which he never gave her, no matter how much he wanted it, too. He didn't think he'd be able to handle the relationship if he let himself have those moments of intimacy.

Apparently he couldn't handle it without those, either.

"I know. But I can't keep it up," he admitted, shaking his head. The difference between lover and friend was too thin, the line between fairytale and lie too fine. Cassian lost himself in it, blurred the boundaries, so desperate to be with Nesta that he'd tricked himself into forgetting they were not together.

"Nesta, I love you." He finally looked into her eyes. They were like a blue-grey punch to the gut and it took every ounce of his strength to keep going. "And I want more than what we have."

She stared at him, her mouth parted slightly, and Cassian wanted nothing more than to take the words back. To reel them in like a fish. But he couldn't. They just remained there, dangling in the air between them, along with his heart.

After what felt like an hour, Nesta released a sigh, and Cassian had his answer.

He didn't blame her. He couldn't. She hadn't done anything wrong. She'd been honest from the beginning what she was looking for, and he'd fallen into the trap.

She didn't love him back. He hated it, but it wasn't a crime.

"It's okay. I wasn't expecting anything from you." He turned his stare back to his twisting hands, grateful his voice was coming out more certain than he felt. "I'd never try to force you into something you don't want. But, the thing is, I want more. A true relationship, something that grows and builds. Commitment. Love. Maybe even a family one day. Staying as we are, with no hope for more, it's not enough. It's a waste of my time. And I'm not interested in wasting any more of it. Not even on you."

He closed his eyes for a moment, attempting to shut himself away from the words. From the pain that they ignited. A piece of him was raging against the rest of his mind, begging Cassian to take it all back. To say screw reality and live in pretense. To take what he can get and forget what he wants.

Nesta removed her hand from his thigh, a chill forcing its way through Cassian's veins at the loss of her touch.

"Then I guess it's settled." His eyes snapped to her, admiring her profile as she looked forward, attempting to hide the way her voice slightly cracked.

It broke his heart. To hear her voice waiver. To know she didn't want him to see her face, because he'd read in it the one thing she was trying to hide, whatever that might be.

To see her accept this so quickly.

Cassian hated the disappointment that swept through him. Nesta had stated it from the start, the casual nature of their relationship. And he knew she wasn't looking for anything more. That she didn't want it. He'd told himself constantly that this conversation would be the goodbye that takes place of the 'you're wonderful'.

Apparently that hadn't stopped him from hoping he might be wrong. Hoping that Nesta would fight him. Fight this decision. That she would want to keep him more than she didn't want a committed relationship.

Standing, Nesta swiped at her skirt, straightening it. Her gaze drifted back to him, cold as ice and distant as the moon.

"I'll see you around, Cassian," she whispered.

He didn't stand, or reply. He simply nodded as she strutted out the apartment, the door closing hard enough to make him flinch.

A tear broke free from the movement and trailed down his cheek.

a/n: There will be a part 2!

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[leahkenobi]

enough for you

cassian x fem!reader

word count: 2.7k

warnings: angst, fighting, self-worth problems, physical violence, blood, kinda mean cassian?

original request

a/n: hey guys! this is my first time writing a request! thank you so much @i-padfootblack-things for sending in this request! i loved writing this request, and i would be happy to continue writing requests in the future. i hope you all enjoy :)

he strode away down the hallway, rage in his eyes clear as day. you could practically see the smoke coming out of his ears, but you just couldn’t understand. you followed close behind, calling after him. “mother above, y/n/n, just leave me alone! can’t you see i’m not in the mood to talk?” he said and you could hear the anger in his voice.

“cassian, you just aren’t even making sense,” you started, “would you at least just tell me why?” cassian couldn’t even do that much. he just had this feeling. like something was going to go wrong. he felt this need to protect you, and he couldn’t do that if you were in the center of the dangerous mission in the autumn court with him. he turned around swiftly, almost scaring you with the abrupt movement. “y/n, i will not tell you again. you are not coming with me, you are not going undercover. you will stay right here and we will discuss when i return, that is an order,” he said.

oh. oh. an order? who the fuck did he think he was. “oh so now you are ordering me around? on what authority?” you challenged. “i am your general, you will do well to remember it,” he responded shortly.

“the rank card? cass i thought we were past this i told you i could-“ “no, y/n! mother above i said no! stay home! holy fuck you are driving me insane,” cassian said, pulling at his hair and whispering that last part under his breath while shaking his head.

“not until you tell me why, i swear to the gods i’ll follow you there unless you answer me,” you responded, staring him dead in the eyes. he wanted to tell you that it wasn’t that he couldn’t trust you or he thought you couldn’t hold your own, no it was not that at all. it was purely his desire to protect you that got you into this argument. and it was purely your desire to protect him that caused you to insist on being on the mission with him.

“y/n,” he said, clearly trying to withhold rage, but ultimately failing, “stop. asking. me. why. you are so stubborn sometimes and it drives me up a goddamn wall. you are being insufferable right now, i just can’t take it today. you act like this and then you fucking wonder why you can’t keep a partner and don’t have a mate. it’s because of shit like this, y/n/n, you stick your nose in everyone’s business and you don’t listen to anyone and i’m tired. do you think anyone needs that? ask me one more time why you can’t come, y/n, do it. because i can tell you right now you still won’t be satisfied with the answer. you never are.”

and with that, you were knocked down a peg. cassian’s words felt like a physical blow, and you could already feel the tears building behind your eyes because of course, he was right. you were as stubborn as they come, but your stubbornness came from a place that was only of the purest intention. you just wanted to keep him safe.

cassian must have been able to see the reaction written on your face because he began reaching out, trying to grab your hand and stop you from your inevitable retreat. “y/n/n,” he said, realizing he totally just exploded on you and gods he was so awful.. and those things he said, you’d take them personally. he knew it, you’d done it before. you pulled away, mumbling a “no,” then a more explosive outburst. “no, cassian! don’t touch me right now. please just leave me alone,” you said.

“i’m sorry, i didn’t mean it i just-“ “what cassian? you lost it? you exploded? guess what? mhm, that’s right, you truly did, and somehow it’s all on me, isn’t it?” you said, stepping backwards. and without hesitation, you took off down the hall in the opposite direction of him. it was too much to see him right now. however, that didn’t mean that within the next hour, you wouldn’t be seeing him again in an undercover disguise.

————————————

you shifted and fidgeted anxiously outside of the beron’s home, knowing cassian was somewhere close, keeping a low profile and trying to find the information he needed. you would know when he was finished with his mission and on his way back to the townhouse, you couldn’t explain how exactly, but you would feel it. however, until you felt him leave, and safely, you wouldn’t be going anywhere.

or at least you thought you wouldn’t. while distracted with thoughts of cassian and his well being, you had let your guard down, and as a member of the inner circle of the night court on an undercover mission in the land of a questionable ally, that was your biggest mistake. before you knew what was happening, you were being hauled away from your post and dragged to mother knows where. it was group of guards, all tall and bulky as hell, that snatched you away.

————————————

cassian had been having no luck with finding the information he needed. ultimately, it may have to come down to az, he thought. they may need to capture one of the soldiers, or better yet, one of beron’s sons, and acquaint him with truth-teller. then, cassian felt it. that feeling he had earlier about fearing for your safety ignited, sounding off like an alarm in his head. he only had two thoughts: where the hell were you and how could he help you?

your powers were useless against these men because they had misted you with faebane. you were utterly and royally screwed. you writhed and screamed for help as they dragged you into the palace beron lived in, but it was of no use. the only people around you were those who worked for him, or those who feared him, neither of which would be dying to help you out. you were taken to the throne room where the guards had thrown you to the ground before beron. now, you knew you could no longer shake in fear like you wished to, you needed to put on a facade of bravery and nonchalance, like the presence of him and his sons did not scare the shit out of you.

“well look what we have here…” beron started, “y/n, now what could you be doing here, uninvited in my court? did rhys send you? oh but how could he without some sort of backup, surely he knows you are incapable of handling my family alone.” it was another blow to your pride. did people really think that? is that why cassian would not let you join him, because you could not be trusted to handle this tedious work alone?

“believe what you would like, beron,” you said, acting as though his words didn’t bother you a bit. “oh you’ve mistaken my intentions, y/n, i have no care in what you are doing here, you wouldn’t have accomplished anything regardless of me bringing you in, but tell me, is rhysand plotting something? or are one of those bastards around to try their hand at something? what is it, hm? what do they want from my court?” he said.

“like i would ever tell you,” you said with a bitter tone. “oh dear, i wouldn’t expect you to give me what i want so easily, but, i think with a bit of persuasion,” he started to grin evilly, “you will tell me exactly what i want to know.” your gulp was visible and audible, oh shit, you thought, this really isn’t good.

the physical manipulation began as soon as you were led into another room that was airtight with one window. every time you refused to answer a question, the punishment only got worse. at first, it was just a punch to the arm, then to the face, then stomach. they began stepping on your hand, and next was your wrist, purposefully trying to break your bones. your face was bloodied and there was a metallic taste in your mouth that you knew could only be bad news. you could feeling the throbbing all over your body. “i’ll ask you one more time,” beron said. “which one of the bitch boys is here right now and what is his location?” your still refused to talk, which only cause more pain to be inflicted upon you.

after what could have been days or hours, there was movement and noise. it wasn’t distinct, your ears were ringing and you could hardly see, but you knew something was happening.

————————————

cassian was not stopping until he got to you. he would check every room in this goddamn palace, search every house in the autumn court if he had to. no one would take you from him. no one.

cassian lost count of the guards he had taken out trying to find you. you had to be there, he could feel you. when approaching a room down the main hall, he swore he could hear whimpering. when he went to open the door, it was bolted, and he knew. that was where you were, and he would get to you. his siphons glowed to match his rage, and the door flew off with a single blow.

he couldn’t believe what he saw when he got there, you, tied to a chair, eyes swollen shut and covered in blood, whimpering. “oh y/n/n,” he said as he swiftly walked towards you. he couldn’t even believe it was you, but he felt it, he knew it was. “oh sweetheart,” he said as he reached your side, “can you hear me?” you groaned, “good, good, i’m gonna get you out,” he said. right as he said it, beron charged in, armed with many guards.

“oh just as i predicted, the bastard decided to show his face. it’s about damn time, only took you a day,” beron taunted, looking smug. cassian’s blood was boiling, he couldn’t believe anyone would lay a finger on his y/n. “i’m afraid it’s a bit late for you to rescue little y/n/n, hm? the damage has been done, can’t you see? but i’ll tell you one thing, she is a strong one. she wouldn’t break, not even after i snapped a few bones,” beron said, trying to provoke cassian.

and, oh, he did. cassian lunged at beron. he socked him immediately while the guards moved to your side. they pulled a sword to your neck and cassian heard one of them shout “stop, or she dies!” and he immediately released beron. beron stood with a smug face, “look at that, i think we found his weak spot.” “don’t fucking touch her,” cassian snarled. “oh we won’t lay another finger on her, as long as you answer us a few questions,” beron said. just as the words left his mouth, the window shattered, and two illyrian warriors came through the windows. siphons blazing, az knocked beron and his guards unconscious.

“how did you-“ cassian began, stunned, when rhys interrupted saying, “we are brothers, i just know.” with that, you started groaning and cassian returned to your side. “shhh shh, it’s okay y/n, i’m here,” cassian said, concern written in his face. rhysand and azriel began hauling beron and the guards out of the room to the hallway while cassian started untying your wrists as gently as he could. he could tell your right wrist was shattered by the way you moaned when he unbound it.

“y/n, cmon can we get you up?” he said. “cass..” you mumbled. “shh shh, i’m gonna pick you up now, alright?” he affirmed. he lifted you, bridal style, slowly and you started to cry, the pain throughout your whole body unimaginable. any way you shifted, you groaned in pain. “i know, i know, i’m sorry,” cassian said.

“cassian,” you said, trying to steady your breathing, knowing you were moments away from unconsciousness, “i’m sorry. i’m sorry i’m not enough. all i ever wanted was to be enough for you,” you said quickly, pain evident in your voice. “no, no y/n/n. please no, don’t say that. please i’m sorry i never meant it, okay? i was scared and- y/n! please keep your eyes open, for me, sweetheart, please,” he insisted. and with that, the world faded to black.

————————————

as soon as cassian had gotten back to the townhouse, he had rhys call madja. cassian held you until they had to pry you from his arms, then stood patiently in the corner of the room where you were being treated.

he was quiet as he watched madja try to mend your broken body, but inside, his mind was a mess. he felt so, so guilty for ever making you feel like you weren’t enough. all he wanted to do was protect you and gods did he fuck up. how could he have been so cruel to you? those words… would you ever forgive him? what he said was so awful he didn’t even know if he could forgive himself for saying that to you.

“she’s gonna be in a lot of pain when she wakes up, and the recovery will take some time, but she’ll be alright,” madja said to cassian. “thank you so much, madja, truly,” cassian responded. “keep an eye on her, she’ll be up within the hour, and don’t hesitate to call,” she said with a wave as she left the room. cassian swiftly pulled a chair up beside your bed and sat there, grabbing your hand as well. he lied his head on the edge of your bed, exhausted from the long mission, and patiently waiting for you to wake again.

he woke when he heard you groaning, and quickly got off of your lap, moving up to be face to face with you. “cass..,” you called out. “shh i know, where does it hurt? what can i do?” he said, softly brushing the hair from your face. “it’s okay, i’m okay,” you said, chuckling a bit, “you were on my wrist.”

“oh gods, i am so sorry,” he said. “it’s alright,” you said, trying to put on a fake smile.

“no y/n, it’s not,” he started, “what i said to you… that was fucked up. i never meant it to hurt you like that, it’s not okay. i made you feel like you weren’t enough and that is not ‘alright.’ gods, how could you not be enough? y/n/n, you are everything. i was terrified to let you go i just had this feeling like you were in danger, i was scared because if anything were to happen to you… well i guess it’s too late. my own stupidity caused this and now look at you. gods i just… i never wanted for you to get hurt.”

“cassian-“ you understood him. what he said hurt you, yes, but you knew from the beginning the reason you couldn’t keep a partner. he was the reason, it always came back to him. “no, no y/n/n this is all my fault. if i would’ve just told you in the first place that i could feel you… can you feel me too?” he asked, voice cracking. you nodded slowly, not knowing what else to say. “y/n, i think we both know what this could mean. and it’s okay, really, if you don’t want to explore this. i understand what i said, it was unforgivable. but if you are willing i would take anything you are willing to give,” he said softly, as if he spoke any louder he would fall apart.

“i’m more than willing to give you everything. i have wanted you for so long, cassian, and i want to do this with you, forever,” you said, tears forming in your eyes. “okay,” he said, “okay,” you nodded your confirmation. you reached out to grab his face and softly stroked it. “i’ll spend forever proving to you how much you are worth. you are so much more than enough, y/n,” cassian said sadly, still sorrowful for his actions. “why don’t you start by showing me,” you said with a grin. “i could do that,” he mumbled, then pressed his lips into yours. it was a desperate kiss, as if he was trying to convince you of how much you meant to him. with the passion you felt, and the click that was like all the stars aligning that happened when you kissed, you knew there would be many more kisses to follow.

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[separatist-apologist]

You should do a one shot of Elain letting her inner fire out and yelling at the IC about using Elain to control Lucien AND going on and on about Lucien failing Feyre in Spring. (I mean we all know Tamlin abused Lucien both mentally and physically and its a bit hard to take care of someone else when you are being abused yourself. Ya feel me? HA)

This will be done more elegantly if you're reading I Know Places. I also can't help but feel like my Elucien reputation is becoming Night Court slander. This is my preface by saying I LIKE (most) of the IC, so this isn't dunking on any one person or being an anti.

Anyway don't send me hate if you don't like this (Send me Eris X Elain brotp prompts instead!!!)

Elain stomped through the city streets of Velaris, furious. Lucien was back in the city again, and yet he hadn’t come to visit. Things had been rocky, sure, but she thought they were doing better. They’d been exchanging letters weekly, she’d made him dinner—granted, at his apartment—and they’d even had that sweet kiss she still daydreamed about to the exclusion of all else. Yet, for the fourth time in six months, Lucien had come to Velaris, met with Rhysand, with Azriel, with Feyre, but not her. She’d been quietly polite about it the first time. He was a busy man, after all and probably had somewhere to be in the morning. She’d been quiet but less polite the second and third time, allowing her self-doubt and insecurity to creep in but now she was just mad.

If he didn’t want to see her, he should just say so.After four years of yearning and avoidance to get to where they were, which was practically no where given how far away he chose to occupy his time, he at least owed her an explanation.

She pounded on the blue front door that comprised his little town house. She heard scuffling and a muffled crash before the door flung open.

“Elain,” he breathed, clearly not prepared to see her, given how disheveled he looked. “To what do I—”

“Why are you avoiding me?” She demanded, crossing her arms over the silver cloak she wore. Frigid wind whistled around them, biting at her cheeks though she hardly felt the chill over her hurt and anger. “Have you changed your mind?”

“Ah…come inside,” he urged, stepping out of the way to let her in. Elain did as he asked, mostly to prevent making a visible scene she knew would work its way back to Rhysand and his inner circle.

“I understand if you’re too busy to spend time but not even a note?” She rounded on him once they were out of the foyer and in his living room. He reached for her cloak, ever the gentleman but Elain swatted his hand away.

“I do want to see you,” he replied softly, palms raised upwards in defense. Both eyes, one gold, one russet, watched her with apprehension, as though she were a bomb that might explode at any moment. She certainly felt like one.

“Then why don’t you?” She demanded, hands on her hips.

Lucien licked his lips. “It’s…complicated.”

Her stomach dropped. “There’s someone else, isn’t there?”

“What?!” He panicked, taking a hasty step towards her. “No, just you. Only you, I swear.”

“Then explain. I’m not stupid, I can follow whatever is keeping you. I don’t want secrets between us I want—” She stopped herself before she could admit that what she wanted was to be in the same place for longer than a night.

“I need permission to visit with you,” he told her, dropping his hands with a sigh. Elain looked at him sharply.

“What do you mean…permission?” She demanded.

Lucien gestured for her to sit but Elain shook her head, her mind whirring. Why would Lucien need permission to see her? He’d been nothing but polite, he’d give her distance…they always had a chaperone, she realized. Save for once, right before he left to find Vassa, Lucien and Elain always had an audience unless she snuck out of the house. It was why she’d begun writing him letters in the first place. That was the only way she could speak to him without someone else in the room.

Lucien was watching her shrewdly, his lips pressed in a thin line.

“Do they think you’ll…” she couldn’t bring herself to say it. He laughed dryly.

“I certainly hope not.”

“Then why? No one cared about how much time Cassian spent with Nesta.”

“Well…I imagine it’s different when the High Lord trusts the mate in question.”

That didn’t make sense. She bit her bottom lip. “They trust you…you’re their Emissary…”

Lucien laughed again, plopping onto his cream-colored couch. “Emissary I may be, but trust me they do not.”

Elain frowned. “Because you’ll betray them?”

“Because I don’t want to be here,” he replied honestly, his every word condemnation. She could put it together now. Lucien was in Velaris for her, he’d left Spring for her, and he’d continue to be the Emissary on behalf of the Night Court for as long as Elain lived in Velaris.

“You don’t have to stay for me,” she assured him, crossing the wood floor to sit beside him. She took his hand and squeezed, looking up into his tanned, beautiful face. Lucien smiled at her sadly.

“If I quit, I’d never see you again.”

“Of course you would, we’re—”

“Do you imagine Rhysand or Feyre would just hand you over with my resignation? If that were the case, I would have taken you from here when we first met.”

“So I’m what? Bait?” She asked breathlessly. He didn’t respond but the steely look in his russet eye was answer enough. “Something to keep you in line?”

He shrugged but Elain was angry again. “I thought you were avoiding me,” she told him, pulling her hand from his. “I’ve been mad at you and all this time you were trying?”

“Elain—”

She spun on her heel and tore out of his apartment, well aware he was right behind her. She didn’t care. She wasn’t an object or a tool to be weaponized against her own mate, for cauldrons sake. She was tired of being treated like a pretty piece of furniture that couldn’t think for herself. She wanted the Nesta treatment, she decided, storming into the river house.

“You had no right!” She shrieked, storming into Rhys’ study. She’d meant to find Feyre first, but Rhys was there, sitting at his desk staring down at parchment. On the couch beside the fireplace, Azriel looked up, hazel eyes wide at the outburst.

“Hey Elain…Lucien…everything okay?” Cassian asked from a chair in the corner.

“No!” She continued, her chest heaving. If she didn’t say everything now, she’d chicken out; Elain hated confrontation. Rhys stood, his violet eyes glittering with emotion. A moment later Feyre skidded into the room, practically slamming into Lucien’s back.

“What’s wrong, Elain?” Feyre asked breathlessly, shoving past Lucien to touch Elain’s shoulder. “Did something happen, did—”

“Why does Lucien need permission to visit me?” She demanded, stepping out of Feyre’s grasp only to slam into the sold chest of her mate. “No one had a problem with Cassian breathing down Nesta’s neck, but Lucien needs advance written notice?”

“Whoa, that’s not how it went,” Cassian complained. “If anything, she was breathing down my neck—”

“Cassian,” Azriel murmured quietly, silencing his friend.

“You and Nesta are different,” Feyre tried but Elain didn’t want to hear it.

“So? I think Nesta could have healed perfectly fine without being…fucked—” she whispered the word, her cheeks flushed with embarrassment, “Up against a wall.”

The mood of the room became immediately tense. Cassian stood; arm crossed over his broad chest.

“Elain,” Rhys warned. Lucien put his hands on her shoulders, squeezing his support. She didn’t have to do this. She could walk away, could tell them to shove it. She had to. Lucien didn’t understand, was good at sticking up for himself but she wasn’t. They needed to know.

“It’s shameful,” she told Rhys, looking him dead in the face.

“We just wanted to keep you safe,” Rhys told her, his voice very much implying she was on dangerous ground.

“From what? I thought Lucien was Feyre’s friend,” she challenged. “I thought he was your Emissary. How can you trust him with your politics but not his own mate? Why is it okay for Azriel to see me but not Lucien?”

Rhys’ took two steps forward, darkness rippling off his back. She’d overstepped, she’d openly challenged Rhys and, perhaps most damning, she’d done the one thing he’d ever asked her not to; discuss the almost events of Solstice. Azriel’s face paled for a moment as Cassian, Feyre, and Lucien all turned to look at him. “I’m not your political pawn,” she whispered, stepping closer to Lucien.

“You are my subject and you will sit down and stop talking.”

She felt the metallic tang of magic slam into her face, attempting to make her obey. Elain knew what Rhys didn’t, what she’d kept a careful secret until that moment. He couldn’t compel her; his magic had no effect. He wasn’t her subject. She never had been.

“Sit down,” he said again, his every word dripping in authority. She straightened her spine even as her hands trembled. “You can’t make me,” she replied, pressed as close to Lucien as she could get.

“Rhys,” Lucien warned, his own voice rich with that same magic. She shivered at the sound. Rhys glanced towards Feyre, exchanging some conversation silently between them.

“I want to leave,” she told them, her voice wobbling nervously.

“Elain…can we talk? Just me and you?” Feyre murmured, holding out her hand. “Please?”

Elain looked over her shoulder but Lucien was still staring at Azriel with a clenched jaw. “Fine.”

Feyre grabbed her hand and whisked her out of the room. In the hall, Nesta had her back pressed to the wall. She followed behind Elain silently, spine straight, eyes cold. The three practically ran down marble floors, up the stairs, all the way to Feyre’s room. She locked the door behind her, as if that would keep anyone out.

“What happened with Azriel?” Nesta asked the second the door was shut.

“There are things you don’t understand,” Feyre interrupted, ignoring Nesta’s question. “You can’t leave.”

“Are you saying that as my sister, or High Lady?” Elain whispered.

“Where will you go, Elain?” Feyre prodded. “Spring—”

Her laughter was practically a shriek. “Did you know the last time Lucien came home from Spring he had bruises all over his ribs? Couldn’t look me in the eyes when I asked what happened? What do you think happened?” Elain demanded. Feyre flinched.

“How can you send him back there and stand here and tell me I don’t understand the situation?” Elain pressed. “He’s your friend.”

“I know, Elain, I’m sorry,” Feyre interrupted breathlessly. “I care about Lucien, too but he’s cunning and—”

“And what is Rhys?” Nesta interrupted with an imperious smile.

“You suddenly like Lucien?” Feyre demanded, hands on her hips. Nesta scoffed.

“No, but I like watching Elain tell Rhys to fuck himself. And…and it meant a lot what you said about…”

Elain nodded.

“Don’t leave,” Feyre pressed, ignoring Nesta completely. “Move in with Lucien if you want just…just don’t go.”

“I want to do more than garden,” Elain whispered. “We’d still see each other…he’d still help you, if you asked because you’re his friend…and I’m your sister.”

Feyre nodded, her eyes glassy. Elain knew she was still talking to Rhys, trying to strike some sort of balance between the fight they’d just had and not making things worse. “Rhys is asking if Lucien will go to Day Court on his behalf…they have a lot of libraries…Vassa still is spelled and we haven’t been able to figure it out. Maybe you could go with him? If you want, I mean?”

Elain nodded her head. “I’d like to see the other Courts.”

“But you’ll come back?” Feyre asked, her voice small and Elain knew she needed to apologize to her sister. Feyre was trying…Feyre had been good for all those years, selfless even when she didn’t have to be. Guilt gnawed at Elain. She’d let her temper get the better of her. She crossed the room and hugged Feyre tightly.

“Of course I will. I’m sorry…I didn’t…I shouldn’t have yelled.”

“Wrong again,” Nesta said dryly. “You should yell more often. Tell Helion if he tries anything—”

“Helion won’t try anything,” Feyre assured Nesta. “Trust me.”

Nesta frowned. “He’ll take one look at her face and fall in love just like everyone else. How can you say—” “Rhys is going to talk to him.”

“He doesn’t have to do that,” Elain cajoled. “I can handleone High Lord calling me pretty.”

Feyre pinched the bridge of her nose. “It…it’s not appropriate, you have a mate—”

“I can handle it,” Elain said firmly, determined to do something for herself. “Promise.”

There was a soft knock on the door, followed by Rhys and Lucien in the archway. They looked tense; neither looked at the other. Elain wondered what had been said. Rhys looked from his mate to Elain before raising his palms.

“We���we worked it out,” Rhys assured her. “Don’t kill me.”

“I’m sorry I yelled,” she told him, not sorry at all. She suspected he knew.

“Day Court?” Lucien asked, brows raised, his face very much. She smiled.

“Day Court.”

[meher-sumedha]

Okay so I have a few

1. Drunk az mistakenly confesses his feeling for Gwyn in front of everyone.

2. Gwyn and az making bracelets together.

3. Gwynriel’s first official date.

4. Az and Gwyn on a spy mission together.

Okay so I'll write the first one first cause I really really like it and really want to write it. Also, this is my first time writing like smut, smut so. FORGIVE ME. As you know - 2 am. my mental health is fucked. Anyways ENJOY!

Gwynriel Headcanon : Gwyn's Little Crush

(I know just trust me on this)

Gwyn and Azriel had been dating since a year now. And last month only the mating bond had snapped for Azriel. It had made Gwyn's life shit.

As much as she wanted to be with him, the mating bond had made their lives shit. Like really shitty. They couldn't leave their room without Azriel killing someone.

After one week Azriel had convinced Gwyn that he was okay and was gonna behave. He did not. They had gone to a restaurant in Velaris, as a dinner date.

He almost killed the waiter because he looked at Gwyn when he gave her her dish. On their way back home he kept telling Gwyn he was okay.

"I swear to god Gwyn, I'm fine."

"Az you almost killed the waiter"

.... "Well I controlled myself in front of the receptionist"

"YOU ALMOST TOOK OUT HIS EYES!"

"HE WAS FLIRTING WITH YOU"

"HE ASKED ME IF I WAS FINE!"

"WELL, I, I"

"WEL!????"

Azriel was silent after that, he knew Gwyn was right but wasn't able to spend any time with her. He was like a freakin dog. That couldn't behave.

When they kept walking and Azriel didn't respond, Gwyn stopped in the middle of the road and came in front of Azriel. She took his face in her hands, and pulled it so close that their foreheads were touching.

His hands instinctively wrapped around her waist and pulled her closer. "I'm sorry" Whispered Azriel, his shadows thickening around them.

"Az, I love you with all my heart" And then let out a small chuckle, "but we can't risk you going and killing people". This made Azriel smile, everything she did made him smile.

Azriel then said, "I think we should wait before I get out of my room again" And chuckled. So did Gwyn.

"I agree" She said and smiled. But then Azriel pulled his head away and pulled Gwyn closer to him, so she was now looking up to him. He frowned and said, "But then how-how would we spend time together without anyone knowing?"

Gwyn rested her head against his chest. Trying to listen to his heartbeat to calm her own. Trying to figure out a solution. And then it hit her.

"Well, uhmm, I-I could move in with you if-if you like cause you know we've already done the deed and, and I already sleep in your room like three nights of the week and I-" Babbling. Azriel realized Gwyn was babbling.

So, he stopped her before she could panic more, "I'd love that" He said. And Gwyn stopped. Smiling against his chest.

"How does it feel" She asked. "How does what feel?", she then looked up to him and said with a cheeky voice, "How does it feel to be in the presence of your mate". Azriel pulled her even closer, and told her, "It feels like, like, I-I don't know how to explain it".

Gwyn chuckled and said, "Well you never were to one for words" And stood on her tippy toes and kissed him on the nose. A small, simple gesture that still made Azriel's heart leap. But then Azriel looked at her with such intensity that Gwyn couldn't help but stand normally, grab the collar of his shirt and smash her lips onto his.

Azriel chuckled into the kiss and winnowed them, to his apartment. His apartment, their apartment.

When they arrived, Gwyn broke the kiss and asked, "Where are we?" And started to look around the room. The simple room with a black cupboard and a black desk. With a brown bread.

And when she started to walk away, Azriel pulled her back into his embrace and just stared at her. Imprinting her beauty to his mind, not that he could ever compare it with the real deal.

When he did stuff like that, he could see that Gwyn became as red as a tomato. But usually it ended with cuddles in bed. Right now, Gwyn grabbed his collar and smashed her lips onto his, she then slipped her hands under his waist band.

Azriel then let out a thirst groan. In one smooth movement Gwyn slipped her hands out and took off his shirt, breaking their kiss for a millisecond. And then smashing her lips again. This time, she slammed Azriel into the wall with that powerful of a kiss.

Hunger, desire, all was shining through the bond for Azriel. He had sensed her scent change the moment they arrived. All was left of the scent of flowers and lillies, was arousal and arousal only. But Azriel couldn't loose his self control. Cause he knew if he did, he could hurt her.

So as much control as he could muster, he picked Gwyn up, his hands under her hips and took her to the bed and laid her down with utter gentleness. He FUCKING tried, tried to control himself but she just wasn't fucking giving up.

So Azriel thought, fuck it, she wants it rough, fine. I can give her rough. When Azriel's hand slipped under her leggings, Gwyn smirked into the kiss. She knew, she knew Azriel would loose his control and she knew what she did to him. Yet she didn't stop, still testing his limits.

Before today, Azriel had made love to her, but-but today, he was gonna fuck her. He was gonna ride her until she couldn't stop screaming his name.

So he did, all night. All night they tested each other. All night seeing who would break first. It was mostly Azriel. And that night, Azriel discovered, that if he wanted her undone, he was gonna have to do a lot more than just thrust into her with his long length. Gods, he loved it. Loved the rush, the pleasure. So he did, he took it as a challenge, and as Azriel didn't like loosing, he soon got a hold of her tell. Of what got her undone.

But, he only used it in extreme times, when she wouldn't break. For he would never want her to know his strategy.

Even though it was a game, it wasn't at the same time. As much as Azriel loved the sex, he loved the little cuddles, the silent training, the talks they had after one had a nightmare, the simple walks alongside the sidra, the flying with Gwyn screaming in his ear, the sleepovers, the getting drunk. He loved her, and every single fucking thing about her. He loved it.

And today, after a month of isolation, Azriel was finally gonna meet his brothers. He hoped that he had some control over himself, and that he doesn't fuck this up and ends up killing everyone.

They were at the house of wind, where Nesta and Cassian were hosting the dinner. They had just had dinner and a few drinks and were sitting on sofas. Gwyn was playing with Nyx on the floor as she was the only one who was not drunk.

"Gwyn" Said Cassian. "Mhmm", "Gwyn", "Mhmm", "GWYN", "WHAT". This had become their new routine, Rhysand pesturing Gwyn and Gwyn being annoyed. As much as Gwyn pretended she hated it, she actually loved it.

Gwyn then looked back to her high lord, who had Feyre resting her head on his shoulders. "I heard you have a crush" And as soon as he said that, Azriel's eyes shot up from beside Gwyn. Gwyn then put her hand on Azriel's thigh, he was sitting cross legged with Gwyn, which made him calm down.

"You told him?" Gwyn asked Nesta, angered slightly laced in her voice. Nesta shot her hands up in surrender position, "I swear to god I didn't" But then her gaze fell away from Gwyn. And when Gwyn followed that Gaze, she saw her eyes were on a smirking Cassian.

Gwyn took the pillow that was with her and threw it at Cassian's face, which made all of them chuckle. It erased the smirk he had on his face, but not for long. "Fork you" Gwyn muttered and Azriel raised his eyebrows. "A kid's here, I'm not gonna be the one to teach him bad language, you all already do enough of that" And it brought out a laugh in all of them which even made Gwyn smile a bit. . (Nesta, Cassian, Feyre, Rhysand, Azriel (emorie is currently, well somewhere and elucien is on a honeymoon in the day court)).

"Anyways" Said rhysand and he continued, "we thought it might have been a good idea to invite him". Azriel was getting impatient, so he asked, "Who the hell is he?".

And then suddenly, fucking suddenly, Stefan Salvatore walked into that room.

Everyone knew him. I mean who didn't? He was a legend. The only one of his kind. Stories were written about him, the only fae, who was also a vampire.

"Hello love" He said and Gwyn's cheeks reddened. He was hot, hot hot. And suddenly Gwyn's little fangirl was awakened. She wanted to ask him so many questions, did he really drink blood? Did he drink people's blood?

"Hi," Gwyn said and he came closer to her, gods, he was so tall, probably an inch taller than Azriel.

"“You don't know what it's like being in love with you. You know, when you and I were together, every single atom in my body told me that it was the right thing, that we were a perfect fit. And that kind of love, it can change your whole life.”

Gwyn was speechlees. She clumsily stood up and she could've sworn she heard Nesta chuckle. These lines, these lines were Gwyn's favorite when she was a teen. In her room in sangravah, she had these lines written on her walls, so many of them.

For a moment, Gwyn had forgotten Azriel was there, and that was her first mistake. It didn't take Azriel even two seconds to get up and take stefan flying out of the balcony. "Shit shit shit shit shit!" Gwyn muttered to herself.

"What's wrong Gwynnie?" Cassian asked cheekily. "Yeah, is something wrong Gwynnie?" Rhysand joined. "FUCKING DO SOMETHING! HE'S GONNA KILL HIM". "Oh why o why would Azriel do that" Nesta asked.

"NES! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE ON MY SIDE", And Nesta chuckled. Azriel then flew in while slamming stefan to the ground, stefan was trying to fight but he was failing. Gwyn was smart enough not to go in between them.

After 15 mins of thrashing stefan, Azriel stopped, and said, "You fucking even look at my mate like that, I will fucking kill you, and I swear on my life, that it will not be an easy death."

He then got up and walked towards Gwyn, all of them were trying to contain their laughter but even they were speechless, of course they were, they knew about them but they didn't know that they were mates. Gwyn was well speechless.

She was just gonna start his rant about how he shouldn't have done those things but then Azriel took her hand and said, "I'm sorry" And then Gwyn didn't know what to do. She had prepared a whole speech on how he shouldn't do such shit and now, now she was speechless.

Rhysand then broke the silence, "So... Mates huh?" .

[echotzzz]

The introduction : Archeron- batboys dinner.

There were already post talking about this and i want to give and add some of my thoughts because for me in this scene, there are so many foreshadowing and chemistry between Feysand, Nessian and Elriel and not to mention that this was before the sisters were turn into fae..well save for Feyre. There are reason why Sjm made this scene exclusively for the 6 of them. ( Mor n Amren need to stay in Velaris while all the servants had gone home)

This is very significant because sjm said that when Nesta and Elain came back in acomaf, she knew that the sisters will have their own journey. This introduction will be the start for both Nesta and Elain journey as well for Cassian and Azriel.

Looking at Rhys, Cassian, and Azriel, I knew I’d been right to select it as the meeting spot.

I said to the males, “My sisters, Nesta and Elain Archeron.”

We know that Sjm is very good with wording and in every book ( if i’m not mistaken) the sequence when mentioning three brothers, three sisters will start with

Rhysand-Cassian-Azriel

Feyre- Nesta- Elain

It has always “ Cassian and Azriel “ and “ Nesta and Elain” . The spin off will be Nessian first then follow by Elriel. This is the foreshadowing of the couple and book sequences.

And if we look closely, After the introduction both Cassian and Azriel focus on one person from each of the sister.

Cassian was sizing up Nesta, a gleam in his eyes that I could only interpret as a warrior finding himself faced with a new, interesting opponent.

“It’s been a few centuries since someone got under Cassian’s skin that easily. Too bad they’re both inclined to kill the other.”

Nessian from the first moment they met already start to bickering and throwing insults to each other ( later in acosf is exactly what they do for the first half of the book). “ a warrior finding himself faced with a new, interesting opponent.” This is forshadowing how later Nesta indeed became a warrior and equal opponent to Cassian in many aspects ( sexual needs, fire, etc..)

So now let’s move on to my favourite part🥰

Elain said, “It’s all very disorienting.” “I can imagine,” Azriel said. Cassian flashed him a glare. But Azriel’s attention was on my sister, a polite, bland smile on his face. Her shoulders loosened a bit.

Elain, noticing Azriel’s ease as proof that things weren’t indeed about to go badly, offered one of her own as well.

From the very beginning, Elriel already have their own understanding. Again i remind you that Elain have not turn fae and yet she able to read Azriel who is the shadowsinger, the spymaster, the one that most people said unreadable. They both read and calm each other through body language. And surprisingly this parallel with the pov almost kiss scene. They didn’t say out loud that they want to kiss. Elain read Azriel face and Azriel saw that as ‘offer and permission’.

“Yes,” Elain breathed, like she read the decision. Just this taste in the dead of the longest night of the year, where only the mother might witness them.

True to their nature, before the start of the conversation Azriel would rather hide in his shadow to avoid the conversation while Elain was mentioned likely to faint. But it turns out, Elain was the one that act and talk rational between them and try to prevent Nesta to further provoke Feysand, she also made small talks to change the mood.

Elain said to Azriel, perhaps the only two civilized ones here, “Can you truly fly?” He set down his fork, blinking. I might have even called him self-conscious.

Azriel felt self conscious in which i could interpret it as an issue about his self worth. Again this parallel with his pov regarding his self worth and his scars. But instead he answered Elain’s question

“Yes. Cassian and I hail from a race of faeries called Illyrians. We’re born hearing the song of the wind.”

This is the first time that Azriel actually talk about himself. He even admitted that he sometimes felt frightened during flying but training had made him braver.. Azriel is known to dislike illyrians but the flying is the only part where he include himself as one of them. Before this any information about him would be explain from other characters. The fact that he willingly gave a vulnerable information about himself when Elain asked actually tell us that he trust her when they only just met.

“That’s very beautiful,” she said.

For Elain, everything about Azriel is beautiful. His passion about flying, his scars and his present 🥺

So, what happen during the dinner are representing their personalities as a couple.

Feysand : Rhys defending and siding with Feyre

Nessian: snarled and challenge each other

Elriel: the peace controller and the rationals

And lastly after the dinner, Feysand began to talk about Elain’s engagement and Azriel’s feelings towards Mor.

“And Elain,” Rhys said, sighing as he removed his other boot, “should not be marrying that lord’s son, not for about a dozen reasons, the least of which being the fact that you won’t be invited to the wedding. Though maybe that’s a good thing.”

“Oh, so you haven’t noticed the way Azriel looks at Mor? Or how she sometimes watches him, defends him? And how both of them do such a good job letting Cassian be a buffer between them most of the time?”

And in acosf we got this

Elain cocked her head. Didn’t dissolve into the crying mess she usually became when Graysen came up. Instead she said, “You’re angry with me.”

He was still happy to be Mor’s buffer with Azriel, but there’d been a change lately. In both of them. Mor no longer sat beside Cassian, draped herself over him, and Azriel … those longing glances toward her had become few and far between. As if he’d given up. After five hundred years, he’d somehow given up. Cassian couldn’t think why.

From the very first interaction, Elriel already have their own chemistry

Both calm and able to read each other

Both have had a first love that failed

Both have powers that most of the people don’t understand

Both are the mysterious characters in the books

Both love each other’s company

Both of them can make each other laugh and smile

Both have moved on

Both wants each other

Elriel have every reason to want to be together and not to mention their mate behaviours. THE ONLY THING THAT STOPPING THEM RIGHT NOW IS THAT DARN ELUCIAN’S MATING BOND!!! in which have every reason to be broken.

And also POLITICS /ALLIANCES AND THE DIRECT COMMAND FROM RHYSAND.

Elriel will serve the best forbidden love trope in 2023 and no amount of Gwynriel will make me believe otherwise😌

[starfall-spirit]

A Court of Twisted Wisdom

Summary: See ACOTW Masterlist

Chapter VII: Patience is a Virtue

Ayla The monolith didn't do it's job that morning, but Thesan was my savior and I was ready to jump back in the saddle. I'm no puny coward. I'd proved that on Ramiel, despite everything. Finding Roxanne, we went to find a certain softie capable of transporting us since we were grounded from both magic and flight for a few more days.

"No."

"Please, Uncle Az," we begged, linked arm in arm.

"What did I just say? The camp is the last place you should be right now."

"But—"

"Stop, Ayla. Not yet. I'd rather keep my head on my shoulders. Give it a few days. Your parents will let up eventually but we have some shit to figure out and you have some healing to do still."

We turned away, making a show of sulking about it. Roxanna was already past my mental doorway. We owe this to her parents, Ayla. We're going now, no matter what our parents want.

Agreed. ~~~~~ I took a deep breath as we winnowed into the camps, keeping our heads down despite our hooded cloaks covering our faces and brutally scarred wings. My mirror revealed to me that even Thesan couldn't erase the scars of sick knife work. Roxanna and I were steering clear of as many people as we could. There were only two people we needed to talk to today. While I know others, I wasn't ready to face their questions and pitying eyes. At last we reached the small house in the center of camp. I rapped on the solid wooden door.

It swung inwards, revealing the wonderful woman who treated me like her second daughter. Outside Velaris, Gina and Vincent were my home. "Gina, I'm so sorry." She nodded, merely sweeping me into a hug and welcoming us in for some tea.

"You were with her when she died? Both of you?"

"She was killed. They were there for us and she tried to step in and... She was still behind me. I was too slow." Her husband came in from the living room. Not mates, but helplessly in love. He sat on my other side, squeezing my hand. "I'm so sorry."

"You may have been her only friends in those mountains, but you weren't charged as her guardians, Ayla," Vincent tried to sooth me.

"But I promised to be," I insisted. "We're a team. The three of us are supposed to cover each other." I tried to wipe my tears away. "I failed her in our greatest challenge. She should have come home."

He pulled me into a hug, but it did little to numb the pain. "I hate to bring up another bad subject, but how are you two adjusting to..."

"Thesan was in Velaris when we were brought home," Roxanna cut back in. "Our wings are fine, actually."

They both gave me smiles at that and Gina tried to ease the conversation as Vincent went to answer the second knock on the door. "Ah, Cassian," I heard him say from the foyer.

"If I can do anything to ease your adjustment, please don't be afraid to ask for help. You and Gina will always be family. I—"

I flinched as my father stopped short. He had sensed we were here. "Ayla, Roxanna, come here."

Great. The full names are coming out. Straight-backed, I stood to face my father. He sent her out where Aunt Mor was waiting, saying her scolding was for Rhys and Feyre to handle. "I was just extending my own condolences," I snapped. "I figured they'd want a first-hand telling of what happened."

"I told you to stay in Velaris until this blew over and you were truly healed."

"I'm fine! I don't need anyone babying me because of what happened up there. Sitting at home just leaves me with time to think over it and feel worse. If I'm going to think about it it might as well be worth the time. If it was me that died up there would you want Lyra to tuck herself away and let you wonder what happened to me? Because that's what you're asking me to do right now."

"I'm asking you to go because you can't handle being here."

His words struck hard. With a clipped goodbye to my hosts I left the camp. I wouldn't let them see me cry. ~~~~~ I sensed him approaching the next morning and stood a little taller. As promised, I had started the morning by training with Az. My change in body language clearly had him confused. "Ayla, can I speak with you?"

"Why, so you can snatch my sword away and tell me to give up?" Speaking to my father like this wasn't exactly respectful but I was too angry to care. I needed to calm down. The last time anger took over...

He winced, cursing as a wide-eyed Azriel found some shadows to meld into. "How did you kill them?"

Not how was I capable of it, but in what way did I. "No way I care to admit to others." I answered sharply, working to mend the training ring's barriers. "It was impulsive and cruel. I won't speak of it. Ever."

"I'm sorry, Ayla. What I said was out of frustration and worry. I didn't mean a word."

"Every slip up has roots of truth. I'm not stupid enough to think you truly believe in me now."

He groaned, stomping over and turning me by my shoulders. "Will you listen to me, Ayla? I was scared of it happening again, okay? I said the first thing I could think of to scare you off. That camp isn't exactly small and there are quite a few people who wouldn't mind your absence, especially since you reached the monolith. I'm not blind to how some of your feelings towards Illyrians might have changed since the Rite."

The males I hope to fight beside now terrify me. I looked away. "You're doing a pretty damn good job hiding it but I know walking into that camp wasn't easy. I don't want it to be any harder, okay? Let people be a little protective until you've healed completely."

"I've healed enough," I growled.

"And until we know Devlon was working alone."

"You're really convinced this wasn't a spite crime."

"People outside of the Night Court know about the Rite and when high-ranking people train for it. The wards around Velaris have been altered over time so they're almost impenetrable. If people can't kidnap or kill you here why not try at the Blood Rite? And if any survivors saw you and go blabbing about your mother's old magic being passed down... I don't want a target on your head again."

I had to admit his logic was sound. Disturbingly so. But I wasn't going to stay in Velaris my whole life, as beautiful as it may be. I was going to honor my skill set one day on a battlefield. Another place where I could prove myself. I was going to make my mark from north to south if I had the chance. I couldn't do that by staying in the city.

"Look," he began again, breaking my train of thought, "I know it's tough, but you have to hand over the reins sometimes. Let us keep looking into this and steer clear of Windhaven for a while. Okay?"

"Okay." I was terribly tempted to cross my fingers.

Previous | Next

~~~~~

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Tag List: @s-uppertime // @pandavelaris // @fairiequeensuriel

[capituloperdido1]

ACOSAS

Chapter 1

Here is the first chapter, please let me know what you guys think! Warnings: Anxiety Attack, mentions of SA

There was not a night, in which the shadowsinger did not wake up sweating after his night terrors. It had become a routine for him, to see the flames in his dreams, to see the smiles and dark eyes of his so-called brothers while they laughed at his pain. At first, he would find ways to comfort himself, he would read, pray to the Mother, and even journal (a suggestion given to him by his blonde friend). However, after the years passed, and his nightmares did not disappear, he had come to realize that the nightmare was a punishment from the cauldron. The scars, the nightmares, the fact that he did not have a mate; it was all a punishment for the horrors that he had committed. So he accepted the nightmares, he accepted the scars, the accepted the loneliness, he accepted the punishment Azriel rolled over the bed, taking off the sheets that had covered his body; and sat at the edge of the bed. He took a couple of seconds to look around his room. Five... the grey walls, the black wooden desk, the leather chair in front of the fireplace, the basket of dirty clothes, and the book that the priestess had let him borrowed. Four... the satin sheets on his bed, the trim curls on his head, the fleece black pants he wore, and the wooden decorations that surrounded his bed. Three... the chirping of birds in the morning, faint music from Velaris, and the sound of trees moving with the wind. Two... whiskey and roses. One... the taste of the chocolate pudding the house had given him the night before. He exhaled as his mind acknowledged reality. Sometimes, when the nightmares were too real; he woke up afraid to be in that cell... prison that his childhood self had called home. He stood, looking for his fighting leaders as he got ready to go to the training ring. Maybe the day ahead was not going to be bad, maybe something good might happen. Maybe, a certain auburn-haired priestess would be there. -.-.-.-.- The sun was just rising, the cold autumn wind tickled his wings as he flew up the house of wind. As if she had guessed he wanted to see her this morning; Gywn moved with gracious velocity while she tried the new obstacle arrangement that was meant for that morning. Azriel smiled to himself, one thing that he admired of the priestess was her willingness to overcome any challenge. She had become known around Prythian, the priestess, and her Valkarie friends, as the fiercest women in their territory. Some feared the group of females, others wanted to become like them. After the Valkaryes had conquered the mountain, many more priestesses had come to train with them; even some Illyrian females, not more than a dozen, had decided to learn the ways of the warriors. Nesta, Emerie and Gwyn had to help him and his brother train the new recruits; so they had resolved that the hour after the normal training would be focused on the three of them. However, over the last few months, he had a few one on one training sessions with the priestess. Once her smell hit him, his shadows became restless; one mischievous shadow shooting towards Gwyn and flying around her. They always reacted to her that way, as if they were anticipating throughout days and nights when they would see her again. At first, Azriel had been mortified; he worried that being surrounded by his shadows would make her uneasy, afraid or even disgusted. But, as always, the priestess had surprised him by smiling and opening her hands every time she saw them; welcoming his shadows with eagerness, not fear. -I was wondering if you would come today- she said playing with his shadow. Stop, come back he said to the shadow; but again it ignored him and flew around her hair as if saying i'm not leaving until i want to. -I had a feeling you were going to fail the training course, i could not miss it- he said jokingly. -mhm, sure shadowsinger- she smiled, taking a sip of her water - we both know I'm faster and more agile than you ever were- He laughed and took his leather jacket off A moment passed, and he confessed,- i couldn't sleep- -me neither- she said smiling sadly. They had never talked

about it.

What kept them up at night, they didn't need to. They resorted to talking about books, trains and make snarky remarks to each other. He had to admit that her competitiveness matched his own; and in some way, it helped him forget about his nights. -well... how about you time me, and then i'll time you shadowsinger- she said. He smiled, he appreciated that she never pushed him; and in return, he never pushed her. He knew her terrors, he had been there to witness most of them. But unlike him, he prayed to whatever deity existed that she could overcome them. If there was one person in this world who did not deserve one bad dream was Gwyneth Berdara. -hmm... but let's make a bet priestess- he smirked. -you win, ill bring you the stash of chocolate brownies Nesta hides in the house. I win and you will let me look at more of your notes on mind-stilling-  The priestess had come one night with stashes of papers in her hands; she had dumped the papers in his lap and said - i have not finished it, don't judge the writing. But read it, and try some of the exercises, it has helped me with... you know- From that moment on, he read mind stilling exercises for his anxiety after a bad dream. Gwyn smiled, tying her long hair up in a ponytail. His shadows stilled for a moment, not in fear, but in admiration. -sounds like a deal shadowsinger- He dared to open his mind to his shadows, curious to hear what they were thinking; beauty, they said, autumn beauty. -.-.-.-.- Somehow, they ended up training until Nesta and Cassian came up the stairs. Neither of them had completed the course without busting their asses in the sand at least once. However, she was happy to convince him that even if there was no winner she would let him borrow another copy. Azriel knew that meant he would have to bargain with the house (who somehow held the brownies away from anyone) and exchange some smut books for at least one or two. His brother approached him smiling; after the Blood Rite and all the mess that had been the last couple of months, Cassian and Nesta were finally able to plan their mating ceremony. Azriel never pictured Cassian as the man who would talk for hours about how Magnolias and Lilies could not go together. But his brother was so happy, so excited to plan his ceremony; that he had been part of every decision made until that point. Nesta was more than happy to lay off the decisions of lighting and colors for their mountain ceremony; she was more focused on the guests. Cassian had insisted on inviting some of the high lords; to satisfy Rhys and make it somehow a place to prepare for Koschei. Nesta had refused and had threatened to poke Rhysands eyes out if someone other than Hellion, and Kallias arrived to their ceremony. -hey Az, you look like a whole building fell on your face man- said Cassian while tying a bun with a string of leather. -and you look like you need an ass-kicking, should I tell Nesta to humiliate you in the ring again?- he responded, smiling while he remembers the oldest Archeron sister kicking his brother out of the ring in their last hand to hand combat As the rest of their class arrived, Azriel took the chance to get near Gwyn. - Listen, I know I didn’t let you go back to your chambers. But... thank you, for ... you know being here - he said while scratching the back of his neck. She smiled. And his shadows danced happily looking at her dimples and red lips, beautifully matching her hair. -you know Azriel, I know I’ve never said it. But as your friend, I will be here whenever you need me. If you need to talk, fight, or read some smut... I’ll be here - Gwyn said. He nodded and attempted to show that her words had not just opened a light inside him that for five hundred years had disappeared. -thank you Gwyn-. -.-.-.-.-.- After the training, Azriel walked to his chamber when he heard the voice of his brother in his head. I need you, there is a mission that needs attending. Now. He sighed, he hated that Rhys sounded upset every time he talked to him; but after the mess during solstice, he had not been able to make

things right with him. With anyone for that matter; he had avoided Rhys and Elain, too scared to face the feelings that surged when he now thought of the seer. He flew to Rhys house, landing at the roof where his brother watched the bright morning of Velaris. - Azriel- his brother acknowledged him with a nod. After a couple of minutes, his high lord spoke. -how close are you with Gwyn, the priestess-. His eyebrows furrowed -why? Am I going to have to stay away from her too? - he said with an intentional bite in his tone. Rhys looked at him angrily -no. I need you and her for a new mission. One that requires trust, and your head on your brain, not your pants- -I would never think about her like that Rhys, not knowing what she had endured- he responded in a low voice. Rhys got close to him and put a hand on his shoulder - you’re right, I’m sorry. I know how much you respect and connect with her- -which is why I need you to take her to Helions library for a couple of weeks, I need her to do some research on the possibility of a fourth trove and how to help Vassa- It took Azriel a minute to process what his brother was asking of him... No, what he was asking of Gwyn. -no- he responded. Rhys grabbed his shoulder a little harder -what? What do you mean no?- -I mean that Gwyn will not leave the library under your orders. She is not ready for that- he said, his voice rising at the anger and protectiveness he felt in his chest. -how do you know that?- Rhys responded with the same tone. -because... because I know- Azriel answered -and you keep making decisions without regarding people’s feelings and fears, and that’s not okay Rhys- He knew that was unfair; his brother did what he did for the sake of the court, for the sake of the world. -Azriel that is not your call to make- his brother said in a softer voice. -neither is yours, especially because you don’t even acknowledge her existence. Or any of the Valkyries for that matter- he moved away from his brother. It took him a minute to look at Rhys, who had a pained look in his eyes. -you’re right, I can’t argue with that- he sighed-I’m sorry, I know I should’ve talked to her first; and now I will. However, if she says yes, I will task you to protect and help her. I can’t send Cass because he is ... mated now- Azriel laughed sarcastically. Of course, he thought, leave it to Rhys to make his cut bigger with a few words. -of course my lord- he said, and shot up to the sky without saying goodbye.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

At the library at the bottom of the house, things were usually quiet. That was one of the reasons why Gwyn had begun to train; the library offered no distraction to her mind, no way to still it if thoughts raced through her. She had been shelving books that Merril had given her for the past hour; thinking and avoiding the memory of last night's nightmare. The blood, the rough hands holding her down, the children screaming. It was all too much, it was all too real. She had gone up in the morning to the training pit. To avoid sleeping, yes, but also because she somehow knew that Azriel would be there. She hated that he had to go through what she went through, but she was grateful for his presence at the moments when she needed him the most. Steps sounded at the end of the hallway, and Gwyn stiffened. They sounded male, heavy, and loud. She knew it was not Azriel, his shadows always let her know that he was approaching. She looked up from her book nervously, ready to run away if needed.... But that was her high lord looking at her with a sweet smile on his face -hello Gwyn, Valkyrie, Carynthian warrior- he smiled. And she realized that out of the three brothers, Azriel had the best smell. She liked the smell of night-chilled mist and cedar, the others smelled too sweat and too flowery for her taste. -high lord- she courtesy nervously. -please, don’t do that, we are practically family right ?- he said while offering her a bag that she had not noticed he carried. -I’m bringing you the best chocolate croissants in the city, Feyre told me you and Nesta enjoy chocolate at the same rate. I hope you like them- he placed them in her cart, knowing she would not touch him. Another set of steps sounded at the distance, and her sister appeared walking with rapid-fire towards her. - I told you to wait Rhysand- Nesta said. -I...it’s okay Nesta, thank you High... Rhysand— Gwyn said, opening the bag and smelling it. Damn... that was dark chocolate in the croissants; her favorite. -what can I do for you guys?- she said while taking a bite of the soft, sweet bread. -we were wondering if you wanted to dine with us tonight, here in the House, only Az, Cass, Nesta, Feyre and me- The High Lord said. - we have a proposal for you, but we want to talk to you about it first-. She looked at Nesta, who was stealing some of her croissants. - su...sure... I’ll gladly accept. It would be an honor - she smiled. -.-.-.- After her shift with Merrill ended, she went to her chambers to bathe quickly. She should change, she knew they dined casually, she wanted to fit in with the group. So she bathed, braided her hair and decided to wear a flowery blue dress that showed the mid of her back; it had a tight bodice and a skirt that flowed until the top of her knees. It had been a gift from Nesta, she had told her to use it whenever she wanted to practice what she would do when she went to Velaris for the first time. As she climbed up the stairs, she imagined what life would be like if she was brave enough to leave the library. Gods she wanted to be in the city, wanted to try the food, hear the music, look at the people. But it all scared her too much. She was waiting for an opportunity, she said to herself, an opportunity to escape the library and be dragged to the real world. The smell of roasted potatoes, beef, and vegetables filled her nose; she thanked the Mother that the house cook. she approached the dining room and smiled at hearing Nesta laugh so hard, probably at something her mate had said. She was happy that her sister had found a man that grounded her, filled her (in every sense of the way) and that respected her. She was a bit jealous that she had found a mate though, she had studied the relationships of mates for months, and understood that they were rare but only rare among powerless faes. Which meant, that the possibility of finding hers was minimum... or as Merril liked to say an absolute zero. -you came!- said Nesta, smiling. Gwyn strode down the hall to sit beside Nesta; her eyes looking around the room to acknowledge everyone who was there.

-thank you for inviting me - she said, coming out as barely a whisper. Rhysand approached with a smiled that brightened the entire room, - thank you for coming, Gwyn, i know the effort it must have been but i appreciate it-.

She smiled -those chocolate croissants were really persuasive my lord-. Rhysand got even bigger -look at you, already teasing me as Cassian does-. The house placed food in front of her, adding extra vegetables. To which she frowned "i didn't know you cared for my vitamins". She ate silently, admiring how the dynamic between all of them was. She couldn't deny the jealousy that threatened to rise, she missed having a family. No, she missed being able to enjoy family without the fear of the outside world suffocating her. Minutes, hours passed and they all kept talking. Azriel had changed his seats to be in front of her, the shadowsinger looking deeply at her while she played with her water. She felt even more comforted now that he was near her. Rhysand stood and cleared his throat -well, i'm sure Gwyn has had enough of our voices; so let's get to the point-. He approached her slowly and passed her a paper she had not noticed he carried. -we want to officially invite you to be part of this court- he started. -Everyone that is here admits that there is no one more deserving and capable to be the official scholar of the Night court-. He laid the paper in front of her. A contract, offering an obscene amount of money. -you... want me to work for you?- she said -yes, if you are comfortable doing this of course- he responded. The contract asked her to inform, research,and educate the leaders of the court, on different matters she would be asked to. -Before you accept- Azriel spoke softly, looking at Rhysand, -you should hear what the first mission would ask from you-.

Rhysand nodded, -we are looking for the possibility of a fourth trove, and we can only do so in the biggest library of the country.... in the day court-.

Leaving the library, she would not only leave the library but also the night court.

Was she ready for that?

-Would i go by myself?- she asked him

-No, you would go with Azriel as your bodyguard, or assistant, whatever you need from him- Rhysand responded.

She smiled, looking at the shadowsinger. - And you accepted this?-

His mouth quirked upward -if i didn't we would have had Nesta to deal with-.

This was it, this was the push she had asked for.

-Rhysand, i would be honored to be the scholar of your court- she said, - and i thank all of you for trusting me, i will not let you down-.

She looked around the room to find every single one of the court's members looking at her with loving, proud eyes.

She would go to the Day Court, she would find a way to help her friends and her world.

Gwyneth Berdara looked at her future companion, the beautiful male with eyes of honey that she would daydream about.

Who knows? Maybe this mission would bring them closer. Maybe they would finally talk about their nightmares, their fears.

Maybe she would finally be able to show Azriel how she felt about him. And maybe this time, he would listen.

[wildlyglittering]

Love in an Elevator

Happy Sunday everyone!

Thank you to those who have liked, commented and re-blogged my pieces so far - you are *chef’s kiss* awesome. 

How’s the ACOSF discourse coming? I’m watching it all whilst slurping my tea but very much staying out of it. I’m cracking on with my fanfiction though, am feeling weirdly inspired lately which is rare but I’ll take it! 

In a few weeks I’ll probably ask if anyone has any requests as I’m feeling up for the challenge. I’m slow but I’ll get there in the end. 

In the meantime I hope you enjoy this one!

***

There was no getting out of the predicament she’d found herself in, no matter how much she begged - and she had begged.

She’d thrown in some negotiations and when those offerings failed, she’d feigned a nonchalance that was as transparent as water. The very last weapon in her arsenal had been to fling mean spirited insults but those spurred him on more.

Then again, she grinned to herself, didn’t she know they would?

Nesta’s arms were stretched upwards above her head, the backs of her hands pressed against the cool wall of the elevator. Two large hands held them in place with a grip that refused to relent, the skin of her captor so hot he must have been burning.

At some point his mouth had moved from hers to her throat, his head dipping down while she strained hers back, her neck arching to give him better access. She always provided an initial protest. I don’t want your filthy mouth on me. The waiter from the restaurant looked like he was able to provide more satisfaction than you and he could hardly stand. I think I should go home now before my evening ends in disappointment.

It was a game they played and they played it well.

That hot mouth travelled to a sensitive spot, lips skimming her skin to the point where they scarcely touched her. A whine escaped her, short and shrill enough that she’d hoped he hadn’t heard but from the quirk of his lips on her throat that she did feel, she knew he had.

“Patience is a virtue,” he trilled at her and her own lips turned into a sneer.

“I’m just trying not to die of boredom.”

Nesta’s voice was far too breathless for the barb to land and he chuckled.

“Sure,” he murmured, “and that’s why you sound like you’re a filly in a stable right now.”

“Shut up, Cassian.”

“Mmm. Make me.”

His mouth was on hers again, lips hot and greedy, tongue gliding against hers. He tasted faintly of the scotch he’d been drinking at dinner and he would be tasting red wine.

Cassian was somehow lazy and energetic with his kisses.

He kissed like his goal was to steal every breath she might ever make but he did it so leisurely, so languidly, like he’d managed to switch the passage of time off to allow for it. He pulled back his mouth to suck her bottom lip between his before soothing it over with his tongue.

One day he’d probably make someone combust from kissing them. Not her though, she’d built up an immunity.

Nesta squirmed; her muscles straining in her back. Thankfully yoga had made her limber over the years so that any discomfort was minimal but still, she needed to exhibit some form of protest.

Cassian slid his mouth from hers and glanced at her, it was a brief check in to make sure he wasn’t hurting her, his eyes quick to turn gentle even with his pupils dilated into blackness. She could tell all this from one look. Cassian had such expressive eyes.

Nesta mentally chased the endearment away and pouted. Cassian’s faced slipped from worry to amused, his lips tipping into an arrogant smirk. He chuckled and dipped his head down to suck on the skin of her collarbone.

“Nice try sweetheart, but it’s not going to happen.”

She let out a sigh, half irritation and half bliss, which turned into a moan when he doubled his efforts and sucked harder.

If Nesta had any decency, she wouldn’t be letting him doing this to her in the elevator of his apartment building. If Nesta had any decency, she would pull her body away instead of rubbing it against his.

If Nesta had any decency, she wouldn’t have been the one to make the first move as soon as the doors had closed.

Nesta’s eyes fluttered shut. Her heart pounded its rhythm in her chest and her blood rushed in her ears. Her pulse thrummed everywhere, everywhere, including the place Cassian hadn’t yet reached for.

Still, it was as though he read her thoughts, and he elevated some of the ache by pressing his pelvis against hers, his crisp dress pants rustling as he stepped further between Nesta’s legs.

He lazily flexed his hips against hers and she rocked back, her dress slipping further up her thighs, expanses of bare skin showing to an empty cube. His tongue pressed against the pulse point at the join between her neck and shoulder and she gasped, eyes flying open.

Every. Time.

Once Cassian had figured out what made Nesta’s body hum he’d seemingly made it his personal mission to turn a tune into an orchestral delight.

Her eyes refocused past the swimming haze that Cassian drowned her in and what she saw must have reached some part of her brain that hadn’t vacated her head.

The numbers on the elevator display kept increasing. Five, Fifteen, Fifty.

There was no danger of anyone calling the elevator, the apartment building was in an area of the city that was considered ‘up and coming’ which meant over three quarters of the complex were still up for sale. Cassian had been one of the first buyers and snagged the penthouse at a decent introductory rate.

Nesta’s eyes managed to sharpen into focus when they alighted on the black polished and exceptionally shiny tiles lining the ceiling, which, for all intents and purposes, acted like a mirror.

The tableau playing out did absolutely nothing to quell her thundering heartbeat.

Earlier Nesta’s hair had been preened into a slick French knot, teased into place by her hairstylist who implied Nesta had big plans for the evening. Nesta had dismissed those remarks with a wave of her hand and a scowl that could curdle milk.

Now, hours later, all was in disarray. Gold-brown strands fell onto her shoulders loosened by two firm hands that had buried themselves in her hair at the first available opportunity.

One of those shoulders was bare, the strap of her dress slid down when Cassian had made a beeline for the curve that contained the most freckles. His favourite shoulder, he’d once told her. She’d rolled her eyes at him on hearing that but made a point of wearing one-stap tops at family summer barbecues where he couldn’t reach for her.

At this vantage point Nesta was able to catch glimpses of herself from their mirror-twins but mostly what she saw was him.

Cassian’s hair was still in its low bun, which, unlike Nesta’s was messy by design. The expanse of his back covered her, his snow-white shirt stretched across solid back muscles. His jacket was discarded on the floor along with her bag and one of her shoes.

She’d managed to tug his shirt loose before he’d pinned her, the bottom of it now crumpled and ridden up at the back and in the shimmering, slightly distorted surface of the black tiles she saw his smooth, deep olive skin.

Her fingers twitched. She couldn’t wait to get into his apartment, to grab at the buttons and pull the fabric from him. Nesta had ruined, two, maybe three shirts of his now, not that he cared. With any luck she’d have him naked halfway across the lower floor of his open planned mezzanine. Maybe this time they’d make it up the stairs to his bed. Maybe they wouldn’t.

Cassian must have felt her fingers twitch because he shifted his hands upwards, from her wrists across her palms, to entwine his own between hers. They clung, entangled with each other, their knuckles surely turning bone white with the grip.

It wasn’t enough that she wanted to see his skin, she needed to feel it, smooth and warm underneath her fingertips. She envisaged her fingertips rounding over the muscles of his chest and abdomen and then drifting her palm over hard muscle to harder muscle still.

Every time they did this was like Nesta was receiving a present from the universe and it was a sobering thought that ultimately, they would have to decide the gift tree needed to stop gifting.

“Cassian,” she groaned and he lifted his head.

It always seemed to Nesta that she was more undone than him in these situations. Her clothes and hair were always mussed, her skin flushing red and her breath huffing from her mouth in harsh pants. Cassian always looked like he’d run a marathon without breaking a sweat.

There was lust in the way she’d said his name, of course there was. A man this decadent couldn’t hold his body against hers like this, couldn’t flex his hardness against her pelvis like this, for Nesta not to sound like she was about to unravel into a spool of thread.

But something else had crept in, something that sounded disturbingly like longing, like she wanted their ribs pressed as close as they could get so their hearts almost touched.

His eyes, half-lidded and hazy were staring into hers. Desire lived in them when he looked at her, but she also knew how he counted the freckles on her nose while he thought she was asleep and how he played with her hair when she dozed. Now his desire had a permanent room-mate who’d crept in uninvited.

These were things that would go unsaid. They hated each other, of course. They even had friends who encouraged the level of vitriol they could spew.

Cassian slipped back into arrogance as easy as he could breathe.

“That’s right, Nes,” he murmured, “say my name.”

Her eyes narrowed at him. If she could move her legs, she’d be tempted to give him a kick. “Bastard.”

The smile never left his face. “Oh, and don’t you know it.”

He kissed her again, shifting his pelvis away only to position one strong muscled thigh between her legs instead. She moaned against his mouth, feeling the determined throb of his erection through the fabric of his pants against her thigh. She ground down onto his leg, her hips rocking as she tried to quell her building ache.

Cassian moved both her wrists into one of his hands, freeing the other. His grip was looser now with just one fist holding her and if Nesta wanted, she could pull both her hands down and out with ease. She didn’t of course, despite her earlier protests. This game had well established rules.

Cassian’s free right hand slipped down to her bare knee, hooking behind it to draw it upwards towards his hip. They’d played this part of the game before too, Nesta instantly wrapping her leg around his waist, her dress indecently bunched around her hips.

There were many things to be thankful for in this world. The fact that Cassian’s apartment complex was semi-deserted. The fact that his frame shielded hers from any view if the elevator happened to stop and the fact that Cassian knew where the button was to turn off the security camera.

They’d learnt their lesson from experience.

Stern words had been directed to them both from the old security guard. “Please,” he’d pleaded, “no more sex in the elevator. I’m over 70, my heart isn’t so good. Make love to your girlfriend in your apartment.”

Nesta had been extremely quick to point out she wasn’t Cassian’s girlfriend which just made the old man raise an eyebrow in disbelief.

Perhaps Nesta was the only woman that Cassian invited over, perhaps she’d brought over an overnight bag once or twice and perhaps they’d hooked up after the cinema and a couple of dinners and even after a Sunday farmer’s market but it didn’t mean a thing.

“Ah,” Cassian sighed, pulling his mouth away from hers. “I know this pair – the red silk?”

His fingers trailed up her bare thigh and further until he reached the edge of her panties. The man had an unusual gift for accurately guessing her underwear.

The dress she’d chosen to wear out was a new one; sleeveless black lace with thick cut straps scooping into a scalloped neckline. Demure and elegant. Hints of cleavage and slight bare shoulders only.

The lower half was significantly shorter than what she would normally wear but pairing them with her highest heels had been worth it to see Cassian’s face when she entered the restaurant, his eyes skimming up her naked legs with an expression like he wanted to devour her.

This underwear was a particular favourite of his so she thought that tonight they should make an appearance.

His fingers, a maddeningly delicate touch, skimmed across the front of the fabric, pressing firmly with his thumb in just the right place for the briefest of seconds before pulling away.

Nesta’s body jolted and his eyes shone.

“Prick.”

“Hmmm pretty sure that’s Feyre’s pet name for Rhys.”

Well there was a mood killer.

“Ugh please,” she said, “please don’t mention my baby sister and that asshole while your hand is up my dress. I already spend enough money on therapy as it is.”

Cassian laughed, a sound that was rich and warm and thrummed through her. When Cassian laughed, he laughed with his whole body. “Oh, not finding Feyre and Rhys’ terms of endearment a turn on?”

She scrunched her nose.

“Well, that’s cute.”

“Shut. Up.”

Cassian grinned and kissed her again.

At first, when all this began, they didn’t talk about real life; Cassian’s job, Nesta’s job, weekend plans, friends or family. It was strictly skin on skin contact only. Those were the rules.

As time trickled past like sand in an hourglass, the rules warped until a significant portion had changed completely.

They ended up asking how the other was.

At first it was small talk, trying to be polite as they walked through shared the lobby of Cassian or Nesta’s apartment buildings but then Nesta had a bad day and Cassian seemed genuine in his question.

She told him about a potential client who no longer wanted her as their literary agent and how that rejection had stung. She’d believed in that book she told him, it was about sisters and redemption, and she explained how she’d cried when she first read the manuscript.

After that point they talked about their work. Nesta would glance at the architect plans Cassian had scattered about his drafting table and asked questions about how his projects were progressing and check her emails while he cooked dinner. There were times they sat opposite each other, Cassian while he drafted and Nesta while she read.

That was the other thing. There were dinners. Lunches. Weekend plans involving brunches and early morning Saturday jog’s around the park.

The one thing that did seem to be beyond their new rules was discussing friends and family.

Cassian and Nesta rarely spoke about their mutual acquaintances, often refusing to acknowledge they even had any. It was strange for Cassian to bring Rhys into conversation but he was obviously on Cassian’s mind from the phone call earlier.

They were done with their starters and waiting for the main’s when Rhys rang, Cassian answering because if he hadn’t, ‘shit would look suspicious.’

Nesta could hear the conversation from both parties even as Cassian twisted in his chair, phone pressed to his ear hunched away as much as possible to try and limit the sound.

It was confirmation from Rhys that him, Cassian and Azriel were still on for their tomorrow plans; a morning of manly activities followed by ‘lunch with the ladies’ to celebrate Cassian’s thirtieth birthday as Cassian had told them he wasn’t able to celebrate tonight, on his actual birthday.

Of course, Nesta hadn’t been invited to the group festivities. As far as all were concerned, Cassian and Nesta loathed each other and so Nesta let it slide. Cassian had essentially fobbed off the ones he loved the most with a work-based lie to have dinner with her. She thought it was a poor and unexpected exchange on his part.

Still, she had promised him a lovely birthday treat to make up for it.

Nesta gently pulled back from his kiss and watched Cassian pout.

“Now, who’s looking cute.”

“It’s my birthday. I want kisses.”

She looked up at him as coyly as she could, flexing her hips forward into his, gasping as the action moved his fingers across the front of her underwear. “Well as you’re now such a big boy perhaps tonight we can do that thing you’ve always wanted to do. It being a special occasion and all.”

Cassian’s pout dissipated and his eyes grew five shades darker.

“You mean...”

“Yes.”

“Fuck, Nesta. What the hell floor are we on? Why aren’t we top floor yet, c’mon!”

Nesta laughed. They were in the world’s slowest elevator which wouldn’t be an issue but they definitely wouldn’t be doing the thing in here.

The birthday gods or whoever Cassian just offered a sacrifice to in his mind were in an obliging mood as the ‘ding’ told Nesta they’d finally reached Cassian’s floor.

Somehow, with super human speed, he’d removed his hands from her body, scooped up the jacket, bag and shoe from the floor and turned to her, hoisting her up so she clung to him like a bear climbing a tree.

Nesta laughed again combined with a shriek of surprise, her legs wrapping around his waist, her hands buried in his hair. With a fumbling grace, his face pushed between her breasts, one hand full of their belongings and the other on her ass, Cassian moved them from the elevator into the hallway.

Her back thumped against the wall by his front door as Cassian dug around for his keys. Nesta tangled her hands further into his hair, making his bun as messy as hers.

“You know,” she said, “you should really consider getting a mirror installed above your bed. I think it would add a certain post-modern aesthetic.”

He momentarily paused his search to look up at her, his eyes hazy. “Yeah, you think?” he rasped. “If you want, sweetheart.”

“Not for me,” she replied with an air of indifference, moving her fingers to skim along the muscles corded in his neck. “Some woman you try and pick up might go for it.”

Cassian gave her a smirk and kissed the skin of her exposed cleavage before getting back to find his keys.

“Hurry,” she pleaded to hear Cassian mumble back, trying.

The click of the lock turning was the best sound she’d ever heard and they were barely through the threshold and into his darkened apartment before everything in Cassian’s hands, aside her, fell to a clatter on his solid floorboards.

Cassian simultaneously slammed the door and her back against the wall, his mouth stretching up to claim hers while she grabbed the back of his shirt, tugging it higher. She needed to get to his skin, needed to peel off his layers and throw off hers. If they made it to the bed for the first round of this evening it would be nothing short of a miracle.

It was only seconds before the apartment flooded with light where it had been pitch black before. The realisation that neither of them had turned on the lights came a second too late.

There was a chorus of loud and happy voices to accompany the lights.

“SURPRISE!”

It petered out to stunned silence and gasps. Cassian pulled back from Nesta his eyes filling with horror. Nesta didn’t want to look, but she was facing them, she couldn’t not.

Balloons and streamers dotted the apartment, a huge banner stretched overhead to say ‘happy birthday,’ tables full of food and alcohol primed and ready to go. There they were in front, the collective loved ones they didn’t talk about with a few extra of Cassian’s friends thrown in for good measure.

They just stared, eyes wide and mouths open. Silence.

There was a throaty chuckle followed by Amren’s voice. “Surprise? Well, I’d say it is.”

[bookstantrash]

A/N: I can’t believe I’m staying true to my word and posting it before the year is over. My self imposed deadline was met, yey me!!

A little heads up for those who read my stuff: January will be a tricky month for me — I still have one exam left — so I don’t know if I’ll be able to post. Then there’s the acosf release, and I plan to avoid being in social media (aka tumblr, twitter) until I’ve read it at least two times lol. I’ll try to write in any spare time that I have, but I’m sorry in advance.

Now, let’s end 2020 with style!! I hope you enjoy the new chapter and wish y’all a good 2021 💜

In which she makes a friend, Part Five

Nesta woke up to soft knocking on her door.

She groaned in her pillow, wanting nothing more than to go back sleep. She was not used to waking up so early — the sun had barely risen on the sky — and she’d had a poor night of sleep, her latest nightmare still too vivid in her mind.

Nesta had a lot of those. Nightmares. Before, it was of Mandray. Of being beneath him again. Of not being able to scape. After being kidnapped by Hybern, they were about Elain. Of failing time and time again to avoid her sister being thrown into that blasted Cauldron.

Once the war had come and gone, it got worse. She’d dream of Elain in that camp, chained near the Cauldron. Would dream of Feyre failing to rescue their sister. Would dream of both of them dying while Nesta was unable to protect them. Another failure that’d hunt her through all of her miserable immortal life.

And she’d dream of him. Of his wings being broken and his screams piercing her ears, her soul. Of Hybern killing him in front of her eyes while she was held down by the evil king’s power. And once she got free, once she blasted that bastard to nothingness, she’d find herself in world without him. A world where she lived with a big nothing inside her.

Last night, however, had been different. She had been dreaming of failing Elain and Feyre again when suddenly she heard a voice. His voice, talking in that melodic and enthralling language, his voice a soft caress that eased her troubles. But as soon as she felt herself calming down, Nesta felt him go away. And so she desperately asked for him to stay with her. At least in her dreams she’d be less proud and afraid to say what she wished to. What she wished she had said to him two months ago.

Don’t go. Stay.

And in her dream he stayed. It had been so realistic that Nesta swore she could still feel his warm calloused hand against her skin, smell his scent, his voice a lover’s caress in her ears and—

She got up from the bed quickly, shaking her head. No good would come from going down that path. She willed her heart to behave and stay quiet in the cage she had locked it into. Wall after wall being risen, being toughened. Sometimes, feeling nothing was better then feeling too much or even anything at all.

Nesta heard knocking again, and quickly discarded her nightgown for the Illyrian leathers. She had struck a promise to train with Kaelin before the girl’s morning training and Nesta hated to be late.

“I’m awake, you don’t have to tear down the door Kaelin” Nesta said, opening her door and almost hitting her face in a leather clad chest.

Cassian was the one knocking on her door.

“What are you doing here?” she asked through clenched teeth.

“Good morning to you too sweetheart” he gave her a teasing grin “Last that I checked, I live here”

“One would wonder if that is true, given your long absence” she replied, knowing she had hit her mark when she saw a muscle twitching on his jaw “Where’s Kaelin?”

“Training has been rescheduled. The younglings start earlier now so those preparing for the Blood Rite can have more time on the training areas” Cassian managed to say.

“I see” Nesta was thinking about going back to sleep when the male in front of her interrupted her thoughts.

“Would you care to have breakfast with me?”

She opened her mouth to dismiss him when she caught the look on his eyes. Not angry anymore at her earlier jab, but anxious. She had never seen Cassian so unsure before, so difficult to read. It was as if his feelings were all over the place.

“It wouldn’t hurt to eat with him” she thought, recalling her dream.

“You are cooking” Nesta declared, moving past him to the kitchen.

“As you wish, your Highness” he did a mocking bow and followed her.

Nesta eyed the tall male in front of her. He cooked with expertise and seemed completely comfortable in the ambient, humming while he mixed some eggs in the frying pan.

He was so... domestic. Nesta almost smiled imagining him with a silly apron, an image so at odds with his usual scary General appearance.

“I talked with Kaelin yesterday” Cassian said after some time.

“And?” Nesta asked, raising an eyebrow

“He’s been training with you. And I was wondering....” he placed the food in front of her, clearing his throat “I was wondering if I could train you. Both of you. Kaelin is not so advanced with his training and there’s also the matter of—”

“The matter of what” she snapped

“Your powers” he fidgeted with a knife, twirling it on his hand, not scared to cut off a finger by accident “I don’t know where you were with Amren in regards to them, but it’s also important to have them in sync with any self defence moves you can learn”

“My powers are none of your concern”

It was a lie. Her classes with Amren had just grazed the surface of what she knew she could do. But she was scared of them. Of what she could do. Her powers were a wild beast that was she forced to live with, a constant reminder of the life she lost.

She hated it.

However, Cassian was right. If she truly wanted to be capable of defending herself — of defending Kaelin were her secret to be discovered — she’d have to accept his help.

“We can train after breakfast” she nonchalantly said, stabbing a piece of the scrambled eggs on her plate “I’m already changed either way”

“Brilliant” Cassian smiled, his whole face seeming to lighten up like the sky after a storm “Prepare yourself to be challenged sweetheart. I’m not one to go easy on my students”

~•~

Cassian did not lie. He didn’t go easy on her. Her whole body ached and she almost regretted her choice to not stay in the cabin, rereading one of her books.

But she had places to go.

“You’re late”

“I’m not late Esmée” Nesta stated, grabbing an apron by the tent’ side and moving to one of the tables “I’m exactly on time”

“You’re thirty seconds late. That’s enough to lose the boiling point for a healing potion and make it a poison instead” Esmée, the chief healer of Windhaven huffed “If I say you’re late then you’re late.”

Nesta only dipped her head and started to work. Esmée might come out as a grump and mean female, but she was only serious about her work, a work which left her with no time for idle talk or sugarcoated pleasantries.

Nesta liked her just fine.

Kaelin had been the one to present her to the healers. Once her period was over and it was safe for her to leave the cabin without someone noticing the change in her scent, Kaelin had taken Nesta in a tour through Windhaven. Nesta did not know anything else except the area around Cassian’s cabin, which included a solitary trail to the forest and the outskirts of the village.

Kaelin appeared to know everyone they passed by. The younglings — who were yet too young to train — happily waved at her when they passed, as did some females who were working. On the other hand, it was different with the males. They eyed Kaelin with distaste and something akin to betrayal in their eyes. Nesta had yet to ask Kaelin why. Was it because she was walking with Nesta, an outsider who not only was High Fae but also the sister in law of their High Lord? She had tucked the information inside herself, analysing everything and everyone they met.

And it was when they were nearing the end of the tour that they had come upon the healers tent. Nesta recalled helping them in the war, bringing buckets of water, doing bandages for the wounded and holding the most serious ones down while they were patched up. She had felt like she had a purpose back then. Like she was not a burden.

She tried not think how it also helped her take her mind off the fearless Illyrian who leaded the troops, leaving only dead bodies with whoever met his blade.

Esmée had remembered her, as did some of the other females that worked alongside her. They had not eyed Nesta with pity or distaste, something she was used to in Velaris. No, they simply gave her a nod of recognition and went back to work, mixing herbs, cutting straps of bandages and tending to patients.

“Are you going to help or will you stay all day there?” Esmée had snapped “If you want to, grab an apron and come here. We need more jambu to be ground so that fella over there can stop whining”

Kaelin had come still beside Nesta, fearing she had been insulted by the healers harsh words. But she simply grabbed an apron and rolled her dress’ sleeves.

“Which one is jambu?”

And from that day onwards Nesta began to help the healers in any way she could, going after her training with Kaelin in the morning and coming back in the late afternoon. Kaelin always walked her back, stopping at the tent after her training.

“It’s not safe for females to wander alone” the young girl had informed Nesta “Specially when it starts to get dark”

Nesta knew better than to dismiss Kaelin’s words. She knew what males were capable of doing to those they thought inferior to them.

“Charming as ever, don’t you agree?” Jacira said, appearing beside Nesta.

“Lovely” she mumbled back, the corners of her lips almost raising in a smile.

Jacira was one of the least shy healers around Nesta. She had beautiful dark green eyes, which contrasted with her dark raven hair and dark brown skin. She also had a very sharp and curious mind, and was teaching Nesta all she knew about what being a healer was like.

Nesta liked to think she had found another friend in Jacira.

“I see the General has come back”

“Really? I didn’t notice” Nesta replied, busying herself with her task.

“He had been gone longer than usual this time for the inspection” Jacira whispered “Word says it’s because some serious trouble has risen in other camps, specially Ironcrest”

Jacira was also a shameless gossiper. In the two weeks Nesta had started to work with her, she knew practically everything about anyone that lived in Windhaven. She said to herself that no harm would come to listen to Jacira’s blabbering. She was simply gathering information as to not stay in the dark.

It was not gossip. It was only intelligence material about the Illyrians in Windhaven.

“Trouble? What kind of trouble?” Cassian had not spoken a word about it with her.

“I don’t know. I only know that the camp lords are whispering between them, and seem to be anxious about the Blood Rite.” she got closer to Nesta “In my opinion, they want it to arrive fast so any feuds can be resolved there”

For the Blood Rite was not only the chance for the Illyrians to prove their worth as a warrior, but a bloodbath. An event that allowed matters to be resolved without the laws of the war camps binding them.

“More work and less talk ladies” Esmée hissed at them “Those tonics won’t be done by themselves”

“Yes, m’am” Jacira replied, batting her eyelashes innocently, making Nesta snort. That girl had no fear of danger.

They kept to their work, Jacira talking when she thought Esmée was not looking, Nesta saying something now and then. The time she spent among the healers was precious to her. It brought a sense of normality back to her life. Even the wild beast inside her gave her a time out, seeming to purr whenever she dedicated herself to chopping herbs and making tonics or healing potions, the scent of all the ingredients calming her.

But the thought that something was amiss among the Illyrians bothered her. It was something that stayed on her mind all day.

Nesta was quieter than usual at dinner — she caught Cassian glancing worriedly at her when he thought she was not looking — the gears inside her head turning and going through every possible outcome.

She went to sleep still thinking about it, and came to a conclusion.

Something bad was coming.

And she would get Cassian to tell her whatever it was.

•

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