#cause i literally cannot remember or write it otherwise

[dea-thynote]

Death note au idea (that came to me from a dream) where literally after L dies, he wakes up and seemed to have time travelled. It would've been fine, better even for him, if it weren't for the fact he woke up as Light yagami.

What happened in my dream was that after L dies he literally just wakes up in light's body, from the first day that the yagami household is under survelliance. But he doesn't notice that first because he literally just died. He panics, puts a hand on his heart and feels it beating before sighing in relief. After calming down, he puts his knees to his chest and bites his nails, looking down, and numerous thoughts wonder to his head but there is one thing for certain.

He was right. Light yagami IS kira.

He needs to do something about this, and if he's still alive, he would be able to test the death note and put both kiras to prison but... he looks around and sees that he's no longer in HQ. The place is famili-- this is light's room. And then he just hears ryuk trying to communicate with him, and in shock falls down, before looking at ryuk again, his eyes twinkles. I just remember L in disbelief whispers '... another shinigami' that was totally audible to the wiretaps alright.

(But I never dreamt of what L, soichiro and watari'a reaction was. If I were to guess it would be similar with the response video by misa.)

He composes himself, and thinks, ryuk laughs at his reaction, but seemingly more amused with what's above his head with the way he had been staring at it. He looks down again and sees different clothing, it seemed right but also wrong. That's when he realizes, this is not his body. When Light (L) was about to ask ryuk questions, he shuts his mouth again. As he felt that he was being watched. A realisation dawns to him.

He's currently light yagami, and at the time the yagami household is under survelliance.

And now L has to struggle trying to act as light, which he does terribly, and avoid dying again, and as kira at that.

I don't remember much, I just remember like these snippets of him being scolded by sachiko everytime he slouched, puts his feet on the chair, or does his staring. That when he gets scolded his eyes down turns and if his face weren't emotionless, it would look like he's pouting.

The thing is, L is a great liar but not as much as an actor. Or when it comes to controlling his facial features, to make a comforting smile, an earnest chuckle or make a worried look. He often just defaults to blank. (This is a head Canon if I'm wrong lmfao I have to finished the anime help).

I dunno if he was able to actually pull it off, but what I DO remember is that HE FOUND OUT ABOUT THE POTATO CHIP.

That is all, thank you.

[swampstew]

UNI REVERSE I LOVE U

Fic authors self rec! When you receive this, reply with up to five favorite fics you've written (include links, and if you want- a few thoughts about each one), then pass on to at least five other writers if you're up for it. Spread the self-love ✨

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMAndie! I can't believe you've done this. Well, I did one version of this where I talked about my pretty much all my fics - however, this will go a little more detailed with other things I've done :)

Captain Kid's Fiery Passion - !Yandere Kid. I really enjoyed exploring a darker, crueler Kid that would take reader with no hesitation. I know I only scratched the surface of 'dark fic' with this one, but part of me is entirely too hung up on Kid being an actual cinnamon roll to his beloved that I can't really imagine him being mean mean. That doesn't mean the inspiration isn't there. I have plenty of questionable scenarios I'd like to write out, and my only fear is accidentally triggering myself XD

Spoiling Killer - this is my guilty pleasure. Subjecting my comfort characters to simple pleasures. I can't help writing rottingly fluffy stuff. It's my nature. And I'll do it again too. I won't stop until every crew member is given the pampering they deserve.

Meet the Kid Pirates series - Heat the HR Director and emotional support human! - We know SO LITTLE about this crew and their roles so I decided to make up roles and titles. IF we ever get canonized information, I will update these. However, this was meant to just be fun head canonning :) I was going to do every crew member but after...THAT...chapter, I was too depressed to continue. Still kinda am. BUT FRET NOT - I DO INTEND TO FINISH THIS! and also do the Straw Hats section. In time in time.

Ok, I know I said I was gonna limit this to the drabbles, BUT I JUST REMEMBERED, I also have a WIP book that's part of the What's the Magic Word? universe. Rowena's Future Vision! This is gonna be composed of just drabbles, thoughts, and ramblings of things I wanna see for my ship. Nothing is canonized until its written in the official book(s). This is my sacred space for adding more to Rowena's lore, her relationships with Kid and the world around them. It can kiiiinda be spoilery if you're not caught up to the main fic. Inspired by @abysscronica 's standalone fic "Emperors (dad!Kid x mom!Reader)" which is SOFCKING GOOD but also gave me the courage to write beyond my main fic and explore other themes and tropes that would not otherwise fit in WTMW? NGL I'm inspired to do a Stampede book too cause my mind literally cannot shutthefuckup about Kid and Rowena and making Kid stressed about showing off that he's a better Captain than Luffy, but I have too much on my plate already. I hope that's not stepping on your toes Abyss!!!!!

Ending on a collaborative note, it was a DELIGHT AND HONOR to host this collection of stories for Halloween 2023 with some of my dear moots. SUPER SECRET HALLOWEEN PROJECT was so much fun from conception to execution. I had so much fun envisioning the theme, and hearing from my friends how much they enjoyed being able to do something low-pressure and just for funsies. Plus being able to include fandom by voting on the best costume was really cool - and I'll take any excuse to commission @yamiyamiart ;) Shoutout to my crew: @quinloki @zoros-sheath @sanjis-all-blue @writing-yarn-goblin @icy-spicy @mewiyev @bulle-d-bulliver @leakyweep

[pomefioredove]

hiiii

could you make a list of ur ocs and their descriptions from ur noble bell college fic at some point i am itching to draw them already

JUMPING UP AND DOWN!!! I actually wrote something like this for the first two characters who have appeared so far but I didn't post it cause I was like "eh, not that important"

SO I'm just going to copy and paste it here

the other original characters (I have... three? rn) I'm still working on

Pierrot Gregoire

I'm sure a lot of people kind of went "who the hell is this supposed to be" since Pierre himself was not in the Disney adaptation

...which is kind of the reason I wanted to include him, since he's my favorite character from the novel and is almost never adapted accurately (stop making him cool and romantic and interesting!!)

the naming choice was rather easy. obviously, it sounds like his name. "Pierrot" is also a pantomime character, and I thought the connection to the theater was fitting. he is literally like a sad clown

appearance:

tall, taller than rollo (around 183 cm/6 feet)

thin

thinner face/long nose

round, green eyes

hair is more of a muted blond, cut just below his chin, obviously a little unkempt (curls and sticks out in odd places). he has bangs too

I don't know if I could describe his stupid little hat. but he has a stupid little black hat. it looks like the tall cousin of a beret

he looks kinda sad and tired all the time and his uniform is always a little worn down

nonetheless he is very smiley. to me. he loooves to chit chat. he talks to himself in the third person

sort of resembles rook (which could mean nothing at all!!!)

this artwork and this artwork of Pierre himself are close to what I envision

Gregoire more or less plays a role similar to ADeuce at NRC. I'm still trying to figure out how I want to write him, but he will be novel-like more than anything. so he's like... clumsy and socially unaware and loves to talk. his fatal flaw is cowardice, but otherwise he's... niceish. compared to everyone else, at least. I already know I'm going to write him nicely

Bou de Neige

a very long time ago I saw an oc of the h.rose. the horse. disney frollo's fuckass evil horse. and I cannot remember anything about the oc, but the very concept left such an impression on me that I could not help but make my own

for those of you who are blissfully unaware, Frollo's horse is named Snowball. Bou de Neige is a play on boule de neige, which is the direct translation of snowball. according to the internet, "Bou" also means ox in Catalan. close enough! and it sounds like "boo", referencing the scary nature of the horse. I'm not going to add a picture but those animators really knew how to make a scary horse

the design I have in my head is loosely based off this npc model:

except his hair is the same style but darker, he has sharper features (CRAZY winged eyeliner) and maroonish eyes? he's not even a horse beastman he's just some freak

at the time the fic takes place he's kind of an asshole, so he always looks a little pissed. he gets better before glomas dw :)

this freak is the vice president of the student council

picture also reminded me to say that these outfits are most certainly not every day wear. to me, they're equivalent to the ceremonial robes at nrc. the actual uniforms are less... intense. I can draw clothes so I'll deal with that later, these are good references for now

[its-elvie-innit]

realizing duolingo is NOT HELPFUL if you don't have a background in languages is so annoying because it was helpful Years Ago they just changed it so it's bad now. I took french for four years, and it's a romantic language so learning Portuguese which is in the same branch makes duo a pretty useful tool because I can point to "um" and "uma" and go ah yeah that's like le and la, and they're letting me know the genders by teaching me man and woman as the first words. But I WOULDNT HAVE KNOWN THAT if I didn't ALREADY HAVE BACKGROUND in a SEPARATE SIMILAR LANGUAGE and also duolingo is SHIT AT TEACHING ME FRENCH because I don't have ADVANCED BACKGROUND IN FRENCH THAT IS WHAT I'M TRYING TO USE DUO FOR, ACTUALLY.

Honestly I'm not even fully using duolingo for my Portuguese information it's literally just a memorization tool to get you introduced to certain verbs. You literally CANNOT understand anything without prior knowledge, so I am half note-taking, half verb tabling, and 0.1% cramming duo lessons for that memorization boost. Duolingo used to have a well of information not even hosted by the application, but instead was manually written by its millions of users to help others understand word contexts, and it was free!!!! Duo didn't have to pay shit for it!!!!! But instead they chose to throw away MILLIONS of comments and discussion links to reduce their shit server costs because bill whatever-the-fuck his name was decided he hates learning actually and fuck all your good information I need two extra dollars to afford a snickers bar in the downstairs vending machine. Look at my terrible owl tiktoks.

And I DOUBLE know this because I was learning hiragana in 2019 and I still remember how to sound out at least a few letters because I only got a couple months in, and they had at least a few good tools to help you understand process and learn the content, but then this week I decided I'd like to learn Korean so I started with the basic course and I can tell you right now it might possibly be one of the WORST english phonetic representations of the language sounds I've ever read. Just a little under half, maybe, of duos spelling work for the Hangul letters are completely incomprehensible because of the completely avoidable letter duplication for different sounds. I'll give you an example:

Do you want to know how these letters are pronounced? Here's your hint; both sound suspiciously like tah.

For an app that's supposed to be pretty accessible, I would think that spelling the phonetics right would be pretty high up on your list!!!! And yes, I'm very familiar with the very hard t-sounding "d" sound of some eastern European languages, but I am being so serious when I say whoever pronounced these recordings just said "tah" and "ta"!!! It is EXTREMELY hard to differentiate certain sounds, but the thing is these are not the worst offenders. Actually, the Hangul lessons? Yeah, not the letter system on the side? Those are worse.

These two characters are done in such a robotic sounding way that the only way you can differentiate the sounds is by carefully, CAREFULLY listening to whether the robot (?) does the tongue flick that causes the rolling r at the very beginning of the recording. Otherwise, it's SUPER hard. I would expect you don't mischaracterize the sounds but hey apparently getting a voice actor for character sounds is really hard. I guess. Hey, let me try look this up on YouTube actually. Oh, but for that I would have to download a whole other app to properly write out the words because none of my other apps have a manual writing system and I AM USING DUO TO LEARN THE WORDS. this should be ON THERE.

Not to mention this character, where the robot JUST says T. It says "tuo". The one that it represents? Deo. I would even call it an Italian passing accent. It's stupid.

This problem is occurring in multiple languages, I'm just pointing it out in Korean because it's so all over the place. There's a character representing "kye" that is just. Straight up a ch sound. That's all fine and dandy but there's another character, spelled with a different letter that represents a CH sound too and it's NOT k. It's all over the place!!!!

In my Portuguese lessons, I can say "homem" all I want and it's still not going to give it to me ever because the robot pronounces it wrong. It's the FIRST word you learn in pr lessons, and you have to pronounce it with an H sound HEAVILY. The robot doesn't do that, but it's the only way duo accepts it during speaking lessons when it picks up other soft sounds just fine. I only know this through trial and error. It does NOT tell you.

The only way I learn anything is through my note taking and it's so so sad because duo really used to be good. But taking french, a language I really love, is a pain because at least once a lesson segment, if not twice I will get a word that I don't know and have never been taught, that has never popped up before, in, like, a picture activity where it shows you an image and you have to interpret the right words, so you can't click and check what it means. And every time I'll report that I've never learned the word, but its not like it teaches me or anything after I've reported it, and you don't get to know what the word means until you get the question right so you might lose all your hearts in a lesson just for nothing, if you end up choosing the wrong option too many times. It's so unenjoyable.

It's not like duo can't be good, it can. It's a fun app! But you don't learn any languages past the first couple of words, without any grammar or base knowledge to start you off. It makes me frustrated knowing that the options available to me are limited bases on the sentence structure I'm already familiar with.

[gabrielsbubblegumbitch]

Why hello,Hera here. I saw your Carmilla ramble and just wanted to say that I 100% agree. However,I feel like she makes sense somehow? Let me explain! We clearly see her as this respectable (yes,Velvette stay put) fairly modest woman, but I surmise that's a clear “don't judge a book by it’s cover” type of thing. And..yes,I would put photos but I cannot do that in anon...anyway.

Let's look at her. She is PERFECTLY portrayed as a hypocrite. Yes. Obviously there were some..character writing issues to say the least but she IS a hypocrite. Not just because she sells weapons; what does a hypocrite do? Say stuff and do otherwise, to their own advantage. She does everything she does to save her daughters and herself, saying to not cause war but outright attacking Vaggie AS SHE SET FOOT inside her chambers. She couldn't care less about other sinners,and that's WHY she sells weapons. She's a bad person, she sells guns to make other sinners outright attack eachother. Why? To bring more Sales of course. If you know you're in danger then..let's just say, wouldn't you sell your soul for some security? People have sold them for far less after all.

Secondly, notice how she's outright manipulating Vaggie,maybe Zestial even? She does absolutely NOT care about them. The only thing she has ever done for Zestial for all I remember in the show was stop Velvette from causing problems during the meeting,and when she felt like she was losing control over it — as someone manipulative would do — she shuts her down sending her away. She understood she f-cked up and TO NOT RUIN HER FACADE she literally admitted everything just to keep the strings stretched thin. And that's the thing about the final stretch: It can keep stretching for however long she wishes it to. After keeping it from people you must either speak up about it or let the situation fall into the hands of fate which isn't really reccomended when you're trying to guilt-trip someone with a heart wrenching Song,no?

ABOUT SONGS CAN WE PLEASE SPEAK ABOUT OUT FOR LOVE? that song is absolutely screaming: “I didn't tell you this for my own advantage but I'm trying to distract you by telling you to fight for who you love yes whoo totally cohesive with what the main trope is!”.

Last and probably least, we take english as the official and outmost canon language in which the show is written. However, in certain translations DURING the overlord meeting — more specifically while velvette sang respectless — she said “I warn you that sooner or later you will pay for it, If it were up to me I would kick you out of here!”. Now, I know this is probably to actually make it rhyme but IT'S NOT JUST THAT. Because if we take a little more objective view we understand that she is exactly the type to be so aggressive. She sells weapons,attacks Vaggie, Stays behind closed doors when she could've HELPED her, and look at what information she actively chose to withold versus what she said up until out for love? . Think about it,She cares for herself and for her daughters..which brings me up to the first point.

Now, you're probably right and she's Just badly written but THERE'S STILL HOPE! I hope-

Ah you are certainly onto something. I also noticed that she basically confirmed Velvette's words by shutting down the meeting just to not ay it directly. Like, it was a terrible choice. She's obviously not as strong and wise as she poses if one (1) loud lady was able to disarm her so quickly. She's as short tempered as Vox or Val considering that Vaggie she attacked for no reason. I honestly agree with everything that you've written because it makes sense. I'm sure her being just a hypocrite wouldn't bother me that much if it wasn't for the way the show frames her. I can't really describe it I feel like it insists, I should see her in a positive light. That's not the case with any other Overlord. Even Rosie is explicitly shown to be profit-driven and manipulative (don't get me wrong, I would die for this woman but she basically told Charlie "here's how you can convince my people to die for your cause without telling them that they will probably die"). But Carmilla is just fierce, protective, supportive and reasonable. Dunno, I hope they will fix her somehow in season 2 since she's probably not going anywhere.

[weirdestcornelius]

Starting this sparklecrit blog out with a bang of course. Hello fellow critics and those that will send me slurs /hj

Sparklecare and Cometcare their fandoms have a blatant ableism problem. The fandom consistently makes fun of characters that are seen as having "gross" disabilities or disorders.

Take Sly, for example. She doesn't take care of herself because of depression, something that is shown in comic and stated directly on her toyhouse profile. Fen is one of the MOST relatable characters I have ever come across. The moment I saw her in comic my first thoughts were "that's me. That's literally me in this comic, I've never felt so close to a character before." Untillll I saw how god awful the fandom and even Kittycorn treats fen.

Sly is so consistently made fun of for fens hygiene, it's disgusting. Sure, maybe one or two jokes would be fine. Hell, even a joke every arc would be fine, but it's something she's constantly made fun of for. The way the fandom and Kittycorn squeakself calls fen "stinky" and "gross" is TERRIBLE. There is no excuse to act like this. Yes, fen is a character and therefore not a real person, but it's really shitty behavior to make fun of a character for their legitimate illness. Jeez, I figured I wouldn't have to worry about this in a fandom supposedly made out of mentally and physically disabled/ill people.

Moving onto Sparklecare instead of a side comic, Polly. Poor, poor Polly has been done so nasty. It has a genuine illness, made up or not, that has terrible symptoms that cannot be cured on spinch. He can't remember their own friends, she can hardly feel emotions towards others, but all of that is tossed aside to make another "lmao being around Polly makes everyone else horny" joke. I guess it makes sense for them to act like that around Polly (sort of?) considering the whole heat retainment lore and the cold, but Polly is literally shown to be uncomfortable with this. They don't seem to be interested in Barry or anyone around them at all. She doesn't get any personality other than "numb fox dude that steals from people and can't feel emotions that well". You can write emotionally numb characters without giving them zero personality. Not to mention how Polly just doesn't use his cane despite it being specified that it needs it otherwise they're at fall risk. It seems like that issue is being fixed, but here's hoping it actually stays fixed.

I want more disabilities to be shown so badly, but at the same time, I'm scared for them to be. I just know that the disabilities I struggle with, if they were represented in this comic, they'd be made fun of. For example, my really bad skin picking disorder causes me to leave flakes of skin and nail clippings wherever I go. I just know that this fandom would make fun of a character for that by saying shit like "they can't even clean up after themselves lmao. #lazy" or something along those lines.

I've been so consistently triggered by people making fun of Sly that it's not even funny. For a fandom that's supposed to be understanding, everyone sure does love to make fun of peoples illnesses the moment they're not played off as cutesy or a gateway into ship material. It's disgusting.

[yveltalreal]

PINNED POST PINNED POST PINNED POST

HI!! I'm Maple!!! He/She/They. New pinned cause I haven't changed out the old one in FUCKING FOREVERRRRR. im 16 lol.

i used to rp the legendary pokemon yveltal but i dont anymore but you can still call me yveltal because at this point its been my online name for a while lol. before any of you guys come at me saying rping a god on rotumblr is disrespectful, i dont believe in legends at all outside of a handful, i stopped, and there are literally other blogs that are rping legends so go bother them.

i attend naranja-uva academy and im a big fan of cyclizar racing!!! please please please talk to me about cyclizar i can answer so many questions! i want to become a professor someday, studying regional phenomenon like mega evolution and z moves, as well as the connections between people and pokemon!!

my current team issss

Pickle the Meowscarada

Dash the Cyclizar

Tami the Vulgradian Absol (service pokemon)

Decibel (Deci for short) the Noivern

I alsp have a rotom named .Zip but he lives in my phone.

sorry if im a little hyper while writing this. im giddy off the high of winning a big race!

ooc below the cut

Story Arcs: Found (finished), Unauthorized Fucking Thing (Finished)

Anything on this blog from before June 5th 2024 has been retconned. The story told on this blog started from the beginning, and many plot elements and aspects of the lore have been changed. Maple mentioning roleplaying Yveltal is a lore aspect of the redux version (post retconned) and not him having simply made up every post before the date listed

Hi! Blog run by @cassi-pokeblogging-hub and all follows come from there.

All Mail variants like Pelipper Mail are off at this time. This goes for Magic Anons as well.

Any blog can interact, but no promises that Maple believes they are who they say they are. While she knows the multiverse is connected on Rotumblr now, she's still hesitant to believe EVERYTHING, although she is much more open to things under the pretense of "well [thing] could exist anywhere in the multiverse" so like if she thinks someones committing WAY TO HARD for it to be a bit then she'll believe them. eventually.

NEW TAGGING SYSTEM

#maple moment -> maple is speaking/reblogging

#.zip -> posts from maple's rotom, .Zip

#bites -> something important to remember or pay attention to. foreshadowing be hidden here

#blind spot -> blind spot signifies that this post is completely invisible to certain blogs linked to this one ( @espers-n-espurrs @jaimemes @aspens-dragons @victoria-vd @vulgrados-best @rock-n-rolycoly). if its tagged with a specific character, then only that one cannot see it. the rest would be able to. for example if another blog tagged "#blind spot: maple" then maple specifically cannot see that post. blind spot posts are completely free for anyone else, anonymous or otherwise, to engage with, they are only invisible to the listed blogs.

new tags will be added as the blog goes on and characters/things are revealed.

[jovenshires]

*Disclaimer: I'm brainrotting so hard I'm sorry. Feel free to ignore/don't answer this if you don't want to, I don't mean to dictate the way your AU should be

So... I came up with little lyrics for each song lol. They're very much sad boy era and they don't rhyme sometimes, but I like to think that these songs are just a way for them to let it all out, since they'll probably never share them with anybody.

Best Interviewer Now that the silence engulfs me And I'd kill for a single word Please talk all you want, I'll just listen I'm the best interviewer in the world

Birthday Card It's still sitting in my window Sometimes I can hear it tell me So many stories from the past I know there's no one here But I feel like I'm the one being watched

Quota of Self-Importance Did I make you feel less? Did I treat you poorly?

I guess we'll never know I guess I'll never know I bet you could answer these questions If only I dared to pose them to you

Nostalgia I find myself looking back At all those memories we made They're like little bread crumbs That lead me back to you again

Magnifying Glass 'Cause the Sun is shining bright today It's time to take out the glass And when we're done doing our magic We will burn this to the ground (This last rhyme is a direct reference to the song with the same name)

Compartmentalize I look around my mind, all I see are cabinet files They keep notes on everything I see It is funny though, you would think I'd be able to remember more And to forget what I wish I could

Where Are You Where are you? I ask myself (where are you?) It's a stupid question, too (and i know, i know) I'm well aware of where you are But it only matters where you're not (right here, right here

The President It's like a table with a short leg Uneven, unstable, useless I can find nothing to brace it And so like that it stays

I can't worry about that now 'Cause the clock still keeps ticking I have to take control now There's a new President in office

Bummer I keep on writing regardless Doesn't matter if it sucks What I am supposed to do otherwise? I'm just Ian from Smosh

Hope you enjoyed :D

THIS IS EVERYTHING TO ME i literally. LOVE people writing lyrics for these songs (i cannot write lyrics for Anything which is ironic bc i write poetry), and especially these that you came up with yourself??? incredible, 10/10. once again i am SO honored that you took the time out of your day to write all this and THESE ARE SO GOOD. magnifying glass... NOSTALGIA.... THE PRESIDENT AND BUMMER. im feeling ill. i adore this and you 10/10 tysm <3333

[storiesofsvu]

Hi! CM anon here. It's been a while since my last message, but I'm back. I'm now in season 8 (I'll be watching the season finale tonight). These past seasons had been quite a journey, the Lauren episode destroyed me, and Garcia's voicemail broke my heart.

I knew that season 8 would be an uphill struggle for me without Prentiss, but I enjoyed it more than I expected, especially with the replicator storyline.

Now, I've seen a lot of ships in the fandom, like everyone with anyone. Since I'm pretty much new in the fandom, I wanted to give it a chance to most of them and I think I have a few favorites already. But I wonder, which ones are yours?

oh hiii!!!!

glad you're back!

omg, the lauren arc is literally what i'll watch when i'm in the mood for cm but also in the mood to cry LOL.

season 8/9 get a lot of flack from people because there is no emily, and i totally understand that. HOWEVER, you get Alex Blake, which is an extremely good addition (i only wish we got to actually see her and emily like, solve a full case together or share time on the team cause that would be incredible). I also found s 8/9 to have a lot of good storylines and episodes. I think they're likely the seasons i've watched the most on repeat since watching cm. If Alex wasn't your cup of tea at first i also find that she grows on you, she's just so soft. i love her so much.

the replicator storyline is so good! i love those eps!!

oooo fun!!

TBH, i don't heavily ship anyone from the show. LOL, i know that's weird, but hear me out, i'll go through the big ones here:

Jemily: incredible potential when it comes to the early seasons, they have this chemistry and unspoken bits that scream more than friends (it's very similar to Cabenson imo, if you're an svu fan). Even like, s6/7 there are still moments of pining, but once they made the choice to write in AJ's pregnancy and have JJ settle down with Will, they ended Jemily. (and dont get me started on the s17/18/evolution jemily cause i literally have to log off twitter over how batshit the fandom is going rn).

I like them, i see the appeal. if Paget hadn't been leaving at the end of s7 and they had gone through and killed Will like they planned (and cbs weren't cowards) i could have seen the natural progression for Jemily to start then (slowly and over the years lol) but otherwise, it's a no for me (CANON) (i do still enjoy it in fics, even if i don't particularly read straight up jemily. if that makes sense).

Hotchniss: i completely and totally understand the appeal and why people ship them, but i simply cannot get behind them. Like, i want them both to run me over but ONLY ever individually. people often are all "but you write hotch and you write emily, why not a hotchniss threesome?" and i simply cannot answer that. I get the bestie, watching out for each other, willing to die on their sword for the other to protect them/their family, supporting each other vibes, and platonic love but i cannot see past that. Part of it is the shitty background writing for characters on this show and Emily's background/history not making a single lick of sense cause he apparently worked for her mother, sometimes its said he knew em when she was a teenager and he was an adult and that makes things super weird. but yeah... i get it, but its not my cup of tea. ESP in fandom when people write them married and dilute emily down to being this shell of a woman who is just a wife/mother and needs his support and protection to survive. like.. what... lol

Morcia: LOVE THEM. i absolutely love the vibe they give and i do think that they were always meant to be best friends. I love the teasing, the flirting with no harm, how much they truly love each other and protect each other.

Willifer: i swap back and fourth a lot on these two. I didn't see any huge issues then i rewatched the earlier stuff. 1: the writers threw them together so fast (again, because of aj's pregnancy) and the first time i didn't even remember him from his original ep by the time he showed up again. My second watch, it was the way he outed her for being pregnant and turning down his proposal in front of the entire team and said she shouldn't be out in the field that made me want to kill him. overall we see them making a happy family together so, in the long run, whatever, but that moment really gave me the ick.

I know you're not there yet, but:

Temily: basically the only ship that i REALLY like. they've got these little moments, tara is someone who comes into em's life later and isn't fully knowledgeable about emily's past, it becomes emily's choice when to reveal those little things, ya know? And i think that would make emily that much more comfortable and confident around her. i *personally* also think that this would be a much more logical step (as of the end of s16 at least lol) in canon than jemily but that's all i'll say to not spoil shit lol.

It's also not really a big ship, or much of one, but you cannot deny JJ/Alex had chemistry over their time together. If we completely ignore Will during those years, it's totally feasible they had a little fling. LOL.

SO.... yeah... i like the little undertones of a lot of ships while watching the show, i wish some of them had been developed a little bit more, like just give us crumbs pls. Others i absolutely despise. Others i have literally zero opinions on. It also very much can and does differ between canon and fanon.

have a great day!! <3

[maria-jackson]

bi!Percy in TSATS

because i cannot and will not stop spreading this agenda yes i may be projecting, but it's because i too am a messy bisexual <3

as confirmed in the instagram takeover mark did for @/macmillan_lib yesterday, the 5 chapter preview that was leaked for TSATS was actually's mark's 'audition' to take on the role as co-author for this book.

basically, rick had them write a short sample using the outline he provided, and that's what we've read. keep that in mind.

in the third chapter of this preview, mark wrote the following:

"After a while, though, he became used to the idea that he wanted things he couldn't have: Percy, Bianca, his mother, stability … it was all the same. Getting over Percy was easier than Nico expected. What was one straight boy when you spent your whole life longing for others!"

taking this at face value, you have to realize that these are simply nico's thoughts. he's literally saying that in order for him to cope with percy's rejection, he needed to believe that percy was straight. because of course percy couldn't reciprocate feelings for nico if he wasn't attracted to men.

now remember, rick has stated on numerous occasions that unless he tells us otherwise, every character in his universe is pretty much unlabeled. your headcanon for their sexualities is as valid as the next person's. so even though it seems that this quote is giving percy the label "straight," it technically isn't. nico is simply making an assumption. yes, he could be correct, because assumptions aren't always wrong (i mean percy has a girlfriend, so it's not completely absurd to assume he's straight), but percy has never confirmed or denied that. until we hear it from him personally, he's technically still unlabeled.

on another note, think about how insane it is that this quote even exists in the preview. if rick kept it in the final version of the book, this will mean that percy is the first and only character on the percy side of the riordanverse to be called straight (whether or not it's true). now that within and of itself isn't too crazy, but it's the fact that mark wrote it is. (i highly doubt rick had it written in his outline to "confirm percy to be straight", so this was literally all mark's idea).

now i don't know about mark, but if i was the co-author of this book and i was given free reign to write whatever i wanted to, i would totally capitalize on that. how cool would it be to have the main character of rick's whole franchise be confirmed to be queer!? so why on earth would they crush that possibility within the first few chapters?

which is why i've convinced myself that that isn't what's happening. since percy was brought up in nico's nightmare sequence, it's fair to say that his past with percy hasn't exactly been resolved. he needs closure. and from what i've seen so far, mark seems to be much better at dealing with trauma than rick.

so i have faith that this means we'll be seeing percy in the end of the book, and he and nico will have a heart-to-heart. and in that heart-to-heart, i have a feeling nico is going to say something stupid like, "look, i know why you rejected me. you're straight." and percy's going to be completely flabbergasted, because he's not. queue him coming out as bi.

the important thing to remember is, percy coming out as bi really has no impact on future events. he isn't piper, in which i mean that if piper comes out as a lesbian, automatically anyone who believes jason is cis cannot, morally, ship jiper; if she's bi/pan/unlabeled/etc., there's no issue with shipping them. percy being bi, on the other hand, means he's still interested in women, so percabeth is completely valid.

which is why i can't, in my heart of hearts, believe mark would, for a lack of a better phrase, 'go backward' representation-wise. percy is already unlabeled. why make him straight when bi percy causes no harm?

[whitehotharlots]

3 reasons AI might actually take over (even though it sucks)

I appreciate the handful of writers who have attempted to push back against the inane and zealous tide of AI boosterism. Some have pointed out, correctly, that the recent slew of AI puff pieces are no less fraudulent than the Cryptomania of the early 2020′s, or the complete bullshit assertions that we’re perpetually just a year or two away from self-driving cars becoming a reality. Others have pointed that AI simply doesn’t work very well: anyone who claims we’re on the cusp of robots replacing actual human communication is either a moron or a lunatic.

The trouble is, this country is run by morons and lunatics. A new technology need not be good or functional in order to become a part of our daily lives and transform our social fabric. It only needs funding and enthusiasm. 

Here are three reasons why some sort of AI takeover might actually be inevitable, regardless of the quality of its output or the disastrous effects it may wreak upon our culture:

1. Grant Funding: anything that might hypothetically bring down labor costs will receive massive amounts of public and private grant funding.  The grift goes like this: dimwitted academics and thinktank writers whitewash the horrible effects of the new tech and overinflate its potential worth, and in exchange they get money. Very simple. These grants are awarded solely the most credulous and amoral of researchers, whose work is guaranteed to produce results favorable to the funders. Remember, there’s no such thing as academic integrity. 

You give a sociology professor 25 grand and three months, she’ll give you a study demonstrating how Dogechat is completely indistinguishable from human speech... anyone who disagrees is a fascist, perhaps even Russian. Humanities profs are even cheaper--you don’t even have to pay us. Give an English grad student a CV line, she will explain how it’s ableist to not let students us AI to write papers and screech violently at anyone who attempts to say otherwise.

2. Terrifying Generational Differences: If you’re over 25 or so, you can easily differentiate between actual art and speech and that which has been produced by AI. But if you were born after, say, 2005? That's difficult... 

This has yet to be seriously studied, but we now have a generation of burgeoning teens who grew up raised not just on social media but whose formative content experiences were videos like "Elsa from Frozen is Pregnant and She Goes to the Dentist.” On a very deep level, these young people might not understand humanity and its cultures in the manner we understand them. You go a decade deeper and get kids who learned how to speak when masks were mandated and Zoom replaced real life... it's gonna get bad. 

Studios can easily bank on this. Yes, old people might not like to watch a stream of empty, eerie cultural symbols smearing senselessly into one another, glitching out like a strobe light, mutating hideously with no regard to rhythm or narrative: a phantasmagoria no human mind would ever dare process, let alone generate. But those people are old, like I said. Kids today, they love this shit.

3. Nerds Love Garbage, and Nerds Control Everything: To your average nerd, (lefties primarily, but conservatives are not immune) the only purpose of art is to confirm the beliefs they already hold. AI does this better than even the most beaten-down human possibly could. Imagine a world in which bad thoughts are never depicted. They CANNOT be depicted, because they fall outside what the AI is literally allowed to show. That, my friends, is Social Justice. In this case, AI isn’t just good: anyone who opposes it is an enemy of progress who is an unsafe presence who causes hurt and even listening to their arguments is an act of violence.

[birlwrites]

what's your advice for writing longfics? i literally cannot for the life of me.

ok so i stumbled into writing longfics by accident - there was a long time in my life when i too was like 'there's no fucking way i could write one of those,' and then i started coming up with story ideas that i literally could not fit into under 100k words, and now here we are

there are 3 big categories of 'things that will help you,' imo, which are:

keeping your ideas organized, so you don't have to worry about forgetting things

giving yourself flexibility, in case your story starts to go in a different direction from what you outlined

staying motivated - absolutely 100% the hardest part. i'll talk about that last, since the first two are very important for the last one

i think the most important thing to consider is what length will genuinely suit the story you want to tell. that's a matter of things like how intricate the plot is, how many things happen in the story, basically just how much space you need

longfics aren't going to be right for every story and if you try to expand something that really is like 20-25k worth of story into something that's like, 50k+, you're going to struggle a lot

but let's say you have a big story idea that will need a lot of space in order to work! next step: figure out how you're going to keep track of everything.

(this is a LONG POST)

Keeping Your Ideas Organized

if you're writing a shorter fic, you can just scroll through the whole thing looking for a particular detail you want to reference. if you're writing a long fic, you don't want to be wasting your time on that. and you will forget things! i guarantee you will. so you need a way to keep track of plot points and details, in order to make sure you aren't abandoning plot lines and you have continuity

for me, i do this in a few different ways - and i'm speaking about my process for atfhv, which is different from my process for stga, which is also long but has a much simpler plot (so there was less to keep track of)

your mileage may vary, but this is what i do when i have a lot going on (complicated plot, many characters and moving parts):

keep an outline of chapters, in which i write down where i put certain exposition/information, so i can refer back to it quickly.

things i generally include:

plot points/things that happen in that chapter/section (this includes character arc developments)

exposition/worldbuilding/backstory/lore

characters that are introduced in that chapter/section

foreshadowing/setting up future plot points

keep an archive of lore for continuity purposes, by which i mean your worldbuilding, your plot ideas, character information, the little details - e.g., in my doc for atfhv, i have stuff like character mannerisms and backstories, the layouts of important buildings, lists of magical items, plants, and spells, worldbuilding, etc etc etc.

this is so that you don't have to rack your brains trying to remember some specific detail - you always have something to refer to! (you'll also need a way to search through that archive quickly - personally, i have a very detailed table of contents with hyperlinks to section headers, but i can also just search up phrases if i don't remember what sections they're in)

keep an outline - you don't necessarily have to have everything planned out (having a super precise plan may actually cause you problems later - i'll get into that below), but you need some way to keep track of all the plot arcs/points you have in mind - otherwise you will forget some of them. and make sure that however you organize that outline, it can be changed later

which leads me very neatly into the next part!

Giving Yourself Flexibility

there is a long-running joke about how writers will have a plan for what their characters are going to do and then their characters will decide to do completely different.

this is because when we're writing, our brains are thinking about the story on both a conscious and subconscious level - you may pick up on things subconsciously that you didn't intentionally put in there, and now all of a sudden your plan doesn't feel like it fits anymore

and that is a good thing! the last thing you want is to try to jam a story into an outline that doesn't fit.

so, there are multiple ways to do this. if you're writing an entire draft before posting any of it (in which case i commend you for your restraint), then you can pretty easily just go back and edit what you already wrote, or even re-draft if you decide things are going in a really different direction. so you're in a position where it's easier to have a detailed outline because if you need to throw large chunks of it out the window, you can just do that

if you're posting as you go, like i generally do, you need to approach this a little differently. the first question you should ask yourself is: how willing are you to make changes to things that have already been posted?

there's no right/wrong answer to that question. i will say, just as a warning, that you probably don't want to make drastic plot or character changes to what's already been posted after the fact - people who are reading update-by-update will be super confused. but consider how much you're willing to change.

if it's a lot, you can get a little more fine-grained with your outline.

if it's only a little (like me afjshgksjdf - i will fix grammar/spelling errors but basically Nothing else), then you should be giving yourself more flexibility with your outline, to prevent future you from spinning in circles trying to figure out how to make everything fit

which doesn't mean you can't have ideas about how things will go, long-term - it just means that you need to be comfortable with the idea that things will definitely change, and they might change very dramatically from your initial vision. that's perfectly okay, and you can always write another version if you want to!

to that end, i really, really recommend having some sort of document where you put things you like that you have to cut or get rid of. it makes it much easier to get rid of them, emotionally speaking, and you can also refer back to that document if you find a place for those things later

if you're posting as you go, i also recommend mostly writing the fic in order, because your subconscious will pick up on things better that way (plus, less editing later on - as we've established, editing is harder to do when you're posting before the whole thing is completed)

if you're doing the entire draft before posting anything, then it really does not matter what order you write scenes in (although you'll definitely want to read through the whole thing for continuity)

all of this means that in your outline/ideas document/however you're keeping track of plot and character arcs, you need to make sure there's room for you to make changes.

when i was writing stga, as i said above, the plot was much less complicated. i ended up using a private discord channel to keep track of what i was thinking, which worked pretty well because i could pin the key messages, edit messages, delete them if they were no longer relevant, etc

for atfhv, that wouldn't have worked for me, because there's just way more to keep track of (and just because that wouldn't work for me doesn't mean it can't for you - i'm more trying to explain what i've needed for different stories so you can decide what to try)

so for atfhv, i have a trello board for plot points, which works well for me because i can build it all out as i go (i have a column for each month and then the cards in each month are organized chronologically)

i also use color-coded labels to classify plot points (some examples: 'war,' 'school,' various relationship arcs), which is really helpful for me because then i can see all the different plot arcs and note if some color just vanishes randomly - that means i need to check to see if i've abandoned that plotline

and then i can move cards around really easily, archive ones that don't work without getting rid of them forever, etc - so i like that a lot

once again: it is absolutely, perfectly OK to change your plot. if that means you have to cut something you really wanted to include, i highly recommend writing another fic that does include that - don't just cut yourself off from things you want to write because they don't fit into your 'current' or 'primary' wip (if you have such things)

aaaaaand now we get into the hardest part.

Staying Motivated

longfics are super daunting. like. super daunting. i don't think there's really a way to get away from that feeling. it'll come and go.

so i don't have a perfect solution for how to stay motivated on a long project. but here are my suggestions for what will help:

write it because you love it. nothing else will be enough to get you to see it through. write story ideas you really enjoy. put in things you think are fun or interesting. make the actual writing process as enjoyable as possible for yourself, rather than something you're forcing yourself to grind through because you think other people will like it

make it bite-sized. don't tell yourself 'i have to write this massive longfic.' break it down into smaller pieces. i usually break it down into chapters. that is how you write any long story - piece by piece. it's much less intimidating and it's also just how long projects work lol

take breaks. if you post as you go, i recommend setting up a posting schedule where you post chapters slower than you write them. that way, you can take breaks when you want them. and there's no shame in putting a project on hiatus. unless you have a literal actual deadline you have to meet, there's no reason to rush it. do not force yourself to write if it feels like a chore. you don't want to drain all the joy out of something you're doing for fun

don't fall in love with your statistics or activity or any other measure of engagement. this one is hard for me afjskghksjdf. here's the thing: if you're at the point where you know exactly how many comments or kudos or subscriptions or bookmarks or hits your fic has, you are paying too much attention.

that means if you notice some sort of dip in your statistics - maybe some people unsubscribed or un-bookmarked, maybe you didn't get as many comments on a chapter as you normally do - it can feel really heartbreaking. you're pouring a lot of time and energy and effort and love into this story, and it can be very upsetting to feel like you're not getting anything back.

this is why it's so important to make sure that all of that work is for an end product you will actually enjoy, with a process you enjoy. if you're only creating it for engagement, then when you hit a slump (which is inevitable), it'll be incredibly demoralizing.

and i won't lie - even if you *are* creating something you really enjoy, it can still be upsetting to realize people aren't engaging with it. we share stories because we think others will appreciate them. it's okay to want some sort of reciprocal engagement.

and that's why it's so important not to look too much at your numbers. can't get sad about a drop in subscribers if you don't know how many subscribers you have in the first place!

of course, it's basically impossible to really have no idea, unless you're having someone else post your fic for you so you never have to look at it - but just pay attention.

if you notice yourself reflexively checking your statistics, or refreshing your email inbox looking for ao3 emails about comments or kudos, it's time to step back.

write the parts you want to write. i know i advocated writing mostly in order earlier in this post - this part is why i don't advocate writing ENTIRELY in order. in any story, there are the really important parts, the parts we're super excited to write, the parts we really love - and then there's also the connective tissue that makes those parts make sense. if you feel like you're slogging through connective tissue, take a break and write one of the parts you're really excited about

(and, yeah, if you're writing it super ahead of time you may get to that point in the story and realize you have to completely rewrite it - this happens to me ALL THE TIME. that's another good reason to keep a document where you store things you had to cut!)

remember that it's normal to feel unmotivated sometimes. everyone goes through highs and lows with creative projects. if you feel like it's all bad and you don't want to work on it and it wasn't even a good story idea in the first place, you may just need to eat, sleep, shower, go outside, take a break, do something else, etc. take a deep breath and come back to it when you feel ready. it's supposed to be fun.

getting comfortable with change is also a way to help with staying motivated - if you feel like something isn't working anymore, change it, rather than forcing yourself to stick with it

work on other stories when you want to. you're not OBLIGATED to do this, but having a longfic in progress doesn't mean you're forbidden from working on anything else.

i absolutely prioritize working on ttdl over other stories - it's the only one i'm actively posting, and it is also the one i'm most interested in lol. but i have a lot of side projects! so if i want to write in a different style, from a different pov, about something different, i can do that, instead of forcing myself to slog through something i'm not feeling in the moment.

this is the equivalent of taking a stretching break. don't burn yourself out on your story by chaining yourself to it. that doesn't help anyone

don't strive for perfection. it will never be perfect. never ever ever. 'perfect' is this static thing that doesn't actually allow for any nuance, and attempting to write something 'perfectly' can be super demotivating because it's... not actually very specific?

if you want to improve your writing (a completely valid and admirable goal), pick specific skills you want to improve. one or two at a time. look up tips on how to write those things effectively. practice by writing snippets or one-shots or shorter fics. but don't aim for 'perfect,' because 'perfect' doesn't actually mean anything.

lastly, trust yourself.

this applies to everything from pacing to plot ideas. you know the story you want to tell. trust yourself about how to tell it.

and remember that 'writing longfics' isn't some sort of innate personality trait or characteristic - it's not something you're either capable or incapable of doing. there's no benchmark or standard you have to meet in order to be 'qualified' to write a long story. if you want to try it, then try it! worst-case scenario is that you don't finish it, and having unfinished stories is the most normal thing in the world.

i hope that's helpful! if you have more questions, please do let me know. best of luck with your writing endeavors!

[starblaster]

Hello! I’m not too caught up on murderbot, a series I haven’t gotten into yet.

Could I have some context on the book compared to the fanbase? Thank you, I love your posts :]

all you really need to know is that there are pockets/circles of people in the fandom who have terminal fandom brainrot which causes them to justify the erasure of character traits, particularly in murderbot and perihelion, for the sake of writing fanfiction and creating other highly out-of-character fan content.

full disclosure, i myself am an autistic survivor of sexual, physical, and emotional trauma. so, yes, this is highly personal and i take it very personally.

and i also want to note that murderbot, in-text, is never explicitly stated to be the labels "asexual" or "aromantic" or "aplatonic" (nor "agender" either, and you could make the case that murderbot's identity is undeclared (1) (2) — another identity that receives hardly any representation, fiction or otherwise) but there is a lot of textual evidence that murderbot is viscerally sex and romance repulsed, as well as touch-averse and averse to most platonic affection, including the words like "relationship" and "friend" or "friendship", using the term "friend" incredibly sparingly, like i do as a post-trauma aplatonic person. we know these things as facts, presented in the text. so it is especially bizarre that people would insist that, for example, "actually since murderbot is asexual i as an arospec asexual get to decide that murderbot is actually sex-favorable and romance-favorable and i'm going to interpret its touch-aversion as a flaw and i'm going to write a fic where gurathin (of all people) fixes that." as if that isn't horrifying, and honestly indicative of a person's lack of understanding of other peoples' boundaries.

being sex-repulsed is not a flaw that needs to be fixed. being romance-repulsed is not a flaw that needs to be fixed. being touch-averse is not a flaw that needs to be fixed. being aplatonic is not a flaw that needs to be fixed. the murderbot diaries books have never implied that these things are 'flaws' in murderbot that 'need to be fixed' and, yet, time and time again you'll see fanfiction penned by murderbot fans in which they explicitly frame it this way, and they justify doing so by saying (among other things) that they are 'projecting' onto murderbot, that they themselves are aroace and they're fine with romance so they'll 'let murderbot have romantic interactions' with another character despite how utterly distressed it would be, and how much of a literal assault that would be to canon murderbot.

and gee, it's almost like murderbot shares a lot of traits with trauma survivors (you know, because it is one), like how survivors of sexual assault can be sex-repulsed and romance-repulsed... like, wow, it's almost as if its preferences are not simply because it is aroace or simply because it's autism-coded but because it is a fucking trauma survivor! like it's all of these things! picking and choosing which of these things to 'read' for ignores whole chunks of murderbot's character. remember what it told us in all systems red? "It’s wrong to think of a construct as half bot, half human. It makes it sound like the halves are discrete, like the bot half should want to obey orders and do its job and the human half should want to protect itself and get the hell out of here. As opposed to the reality, which was that I was one whole confused entity"?

you cannot just say "fuck you" to canon all the time no matter what. it's an irresponsible way to examine a piece of media. the way this kind of attitude is fostered in fandom spaces is disturbing to me, primarily because it is downright disrespectful to the source material and what it represents.

i am issuing a content warning for commentary regarding sexual assault below the cut, it is pertinent to my comment above about murderbot and canon and sexual assault survival, but also contains the rest of my answer to this ask:

it would not be a stretch to think it might be possible that murderbot itself has endured sexual harassment or assault from humans. its internal commentary about sexbots, the purpose of sexbots/comfortunits, and talking about their functions in opposition to itself, combined with other comments about being asked to do things that do not meet its designation as a secunit (such as tidying/cleaning up after humans).

i will accept that this is conjecture and based on nothing entirely concrete, but i am interpreting this as a possibility from my own experiences as a sexual assault survivor (and speaking from the perspective of a sex worker who has encountered and been on the receiving end of this specific type of anger and frustration murderbot has for sexbots early on); the way that it comments aggressively about things related to sex and comfortunits imply how adamant it is for people to understand that it is not a comfortunit, it is not a sexbot, it is repulsed and triggered by sex, it is repulsed and triggered by romance. much like other references to its traumas, it does the survivor-typical thing and avoids mentioning names, avoids topics, avoids its triggers as much as it can, and insists upon its preferences repeatedly. it's not hiding these facts about itself away.

so when people overlook this, that fandom behavior comes off as negligent. it tells me that people have not been reading the source material very closely at all. it tells me that people are only willing to relate to murderbot insofar as they themselves can personally know what it has experienced.

except not everything you fucking read has to be about you. "relatability" does not a good protagonist make. unfortunately, that's just about all that people with fandom brainrot give a shit about. unless, god forbid, a trauma survivor reading these books also shares murderbot's strong repulsions to sex and romance and feels defensive. in which case the fandom-brain idiots go "well we all interpret murderbot in our own special ways".

it stops being interpretation when you're just erasing the character. i just wish people would accept that.

[existential-dread-in-the-am]

Personal vent post ahead! Stop reading now if you want to avoid upset/negative stuff.

Also I'm not writing this for comfort, although you guys always comforting me after I vent post is appreciated and makes me smile. There's no obligation to respond in any way, and I've got this handled.

Personal stuff starts here:

I'm failing all of my studies and I refuse to feel bad about it anymore (lying to myself until it becomes reality). I'm not healed, my brain is not working yet and it needs peace and time to recover from literally years of non-stop survival mode. There won't be any recovering if I keep pushing myself like I've done my whole life, that's what caused all of this. After you push yourself past your breaking point for years and years ignoring the affects and force yourself to just keep going until you finally hit the limit where your brain straight-up quits on you and pulls the emergency break, you need a lot of recovery time. And to get that recovery time you have to calm down and let go and let yourself rest and re-evaluate everything. I need to stop, and take time. Rely on help for as long as I need to, until more and more bad things stop happening, until the nightmares stop, until I can sleep and read and write and focus and remember things and complete basic tasks again. Recovery won't happen with an end date. I need to take the fucking break and not pick up another big task again until this bullshit is actually over. There will be valuable lessons learned in being useless for a while. I've never once given up on anything in my life, it's always been survival no matter the cost, there should be no shame in choosing what I need instead of what I think I should be doing. I should be focusing on recovery. Otherwise this train will go absolutely nowhere, because pushing through by force is straight-up not working anymore. Emergency break is ON and it won't turn off until the emergency is over and the damage is fixed. There has to be a way for me to accept that and choose my goals accordingly, to bypass whatever rules are ingrained in my brain that tell me to just hack my way through stone and concrete no matter what it takes, no matter how much it hurts, no matter what, and to never ever stop moving. Isn't that a terrifying thought? To stop moving, stop fighting your way through, when that's how you've kept yourself safe for your entire life and every instinct screams at you that you'll drop and die the second you even slow down. Well, all that takes is courage, and I learned how to be brave a long time ago. This cannot be worse than what I've survived before, right? Harder, maybe, but not worse. Never that, that's not possible unless it's the literal end of the world.

[nmotypdfsfg]

let me quickly write my little idea for a horror series, otherwise i will completely forget it very soon.

or

(edited with online editor, such good expression couldn't be wasted lol)

Mr. A is a professor of linguistics at Bangkok University, he is 30 years old. He lives alone, enjoys life, does not have a permanent partner, but he is often in relationships. However, one day the professor begins to suffer from insomnia due nightmares, he constantly has one dream and it is so realistic. He sees how someone or something is trying to drown their unfortunate victim in the lake, and this victim is screaming hysterically. The professor can't see the face of the criminal. Sleepless nights start affect badly his professional and personal life and he goes to doctors, but they prescribe him pills that do not help. One night professor wakes up from a nightmare again, and to his horror he sees bruises on his chest, which could not be there at all. The professor decides to seek help from mediums.

Mr. B is a medium, he grew up in a small village, in a very poor family. But since childhood he had the gift of feeling and seeing things that are not subject to other people, which frightened these people, and often this led to the fact that he became an outcast. But Mr. B is a very kind person and never holds a grudge against others. He loves nature. Mr. A finds out his contacts through acquaintances and turns to him for help. Mr. B conducts an inspection of his home and place of work, and his findings are frightening. A person's insomnia can be caused by completely different reasons, but there is one reason that many do not know about. Sometimes evil spirits or simply lost souls come to a person at night, sit on his chest and press on him, causing nightmares and hallucinations and inability to fall asleep. sometimes they do it just out of anger, sometimes with some specific purpose (i made it up). Mr. B asks Mr. A if this episode at the lake took place in his real life, but Mr. A cannot remember such events in his life. however, he knows this lake, since it is located in his home village. they decide that it is necessary to analyze the entire life of Mr. A and understand how he is connected with this event at the lake. meanwhile Mr. A wakes up with more and more bruises. Mr. B sees that as a very alarming sign, but decides not to scare Mr. A, but to visit a private detective that he knows, Mr. C.

At this time, Mr. C, a private detective, is investigating a series of m*rders, nicknamed the Lake M*rders, because the criminal used to t*rture the victims and drown them in a lake. This series of m*rders took place 20 years ago and then suddenly stopped, the criminal was not found and the case remained unsolved, but this summer the m*rders resumed, the criminal became even more cruel and sophisticated in his crimes, he still drowns them in a lake, but in a different one. he sends photographs of victims and this lake to police, but the police are still unable to determine the exact location of this lake.

Mr. D. and Mr. C. studied at the same university.The police suspect that close friend of Mr. D became a victim of this Lake K*ller, but his body cannot be found. Mr. D wants to find the body of his close friend, and also wants the revenge and wants to personally catch and punish the criminal and therefore decides to ask to Mr. C to help him.

Mr. B. also contacts this detective. He know him because he also studied at the same university as Mr. C and Mr. D, he wants the detective to visit Mr. A’s home village and find out what’s wrong with that lake. One can imagine the state of emotions of Mr. C. when, literally the next day, news arrived that the bodies of Mr. D.’s friend and also of other victims had been found in that exact same lake in Mr. A’s home village. The police conclude that there is a possibility that the perpetrator could be a resident of Mr. A's home village.

Meanwhile, Mr.A can't sleep at all, so he also wants to take part in the investigation of this case, hoping that catching the criminal will help him regain his ability to sleep peacefully. So the four of them decide to travel across the country to this village, which is called Lake Village and is located near the old mountains.

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #065

Favorite South Park character? I don't watch it. The super immature-type humor isn't for me. What are your views on abortion? I am entirely pro-choice. Does your dad barbecue a lot? I don't live with my dad. It was rare back when my parents were together, but it would happen now and then. Who’s your favourite character from one of your favourite books? I remember I really liked Dally in The Outsiders. What are some of your interests? Animals, art (like photography, drawing, writing, etc.), video games, reading, music (specifically metal), science stuff...

What is your favorite animal? Meerkats of course, but I am also really into opossums, tarantulas, and snakes. Who is the last person you sent a Facebook message or comment? My friend Baylee. She wanted me to shoot her upcoming wedding, but she was letting me know that she was calling off the wedding and we talked for a while about that. She's going through it right now and I really hope this all goes well. She hasn't told her fiance yet... Have you ever had a teacher hit on you? No, that would REALLY creep me out. Have you ever hit on a teacher? Nope. Do you know what an "AMV" is? Yep, used to make 'em sometimes. Would you rather be a bird or a fish? Bird, for sure. What is your favorite type of muffin? I actually really like blueberry muffins. Chocolate chip is good, too. What is the background on your computer? The background and lock screen are both pictures of meerkats. Who in your life are you scared to lose more than anything? My mom, very closely followed by Girt. Have you ever cheated on someone without them finding out about it? No, because I don't cheat to begin with. Was the last person you kissed male or female? Male. Who were you with the last time you went swimming? Just Mom at the gym. Who was the last letter you wrote addressed to? Jason. Do you believe the Holocaust happened? Of fucking course I do. I cannot fathom how deniers even exist. I'll never forget in high school we actually had a man who survived it talk about it in front of the students. I still remember how fucking disrespectful a lot of people were, murmuring and just in general not paying attention. Does it ever bother you when you see someone damaging the environment? Yes, in fact it really fucking pisses me off. Do you listen to OTEP? Oh my god, someone who knows who they are. Yeah, they're high on the favorites list. I have a tattoo of the lyrics "perfectly flawed" by them. Why were you last in a hospital? I was suicidal. Has anyone ever told you that you have a cute nose? Yes, actually. When was the last time you wrestled? I dunno, I'm sure it was sometime with Girt though. Who was the last person’s voice you heard? Well I'm listening to Rammstein, so Till Lindemann's. Have you ever done something sexual that you regret? Yeah, shouldn't have done things I have on someone else's bed. What are the names of all the people you have dated? Aaron, Juan, Jason, Tyler, Sara, and Donald. What do you like better: Dr Pepper or Pepsi? Dr. Pepper; I'm a Coke person, not Pepsi. I don't like drinking Dr. Pepper if I haven't had my antacid med that day though, because it causes it BAD otherwise. How do you like to eat your eggs, if you like them at all? Scrambled with cheese. Gonna have to start trying some new stuff soon though, I'm starting a high-protein diet with this weight loss program I took up yesterday and it sounds like eggs are gonna be a very common thing to eat with how picky I am. What color of eyes attracts you most? Sapphire blue. Do you drink lots of water? I used to drink pretty much literally none, but back onto the diet thing, I'm trying real hard to just suck a lot down. When was the last time you were really grossed out? Earlier when scrolling through Facebook. I didn't WANT to abruptly see a rhino give birth, but I did lmao. Have you ever worn a belly shirt in public? No, not even when I was fit. That's a level of confidence I don't have. Where is your significant other? He's at work. Did your last ex try to get back together with you after the break-up? No, *I* was actually the one who talked to her once about trying to be a couple again, but she declined. Nowadays I'm glad, lol. If you were paralyzed from the neck down, would you still want to continue living? Why or why not? NO NO NO NO NO NO. This is like my biggest fucking fear ever and why I'm horrified of driving. I would 120% rather be dead. Have you ever known anyone with an eating disorder? I do know someone recovered from I believe bulimia. Do you ever feel like someone would be disappointed to see your body or are you comfortable with your body enough where you don’t think that? I am fucking HORRIBLY self-conscious of my body. So much so that even after all this time my boyfriend has barely (if at all) "seen" most clothed parts of me. I don't even let him touch my legs under clothes. What is your favorite flavor of Monster? I don't like Monster. Have you ever written on someone’s face in your yearbook? Yeeeaaah, as a mean kid. What is your favorite stuffed animal that you own? There are three big contenders here: Brownie, the moose plush I got from Cabela's in Ohio and slept with most of my childhood; the stuffed meerkat Jason gave me named Rebel; and a cute little bat that Jason's now-deceased mother gave me. Do you have any trophies? Yeah, somewhere. Have you ever been in a talent show? Nope. Have you ever won a contest? A few. Do you like screamo music? No. Does your family have a secret? I don't think so. What do you like about the lead singer from your favorite band? As for Ozzy, he's... Ozzy, ha ha. I think that is a perfectly acceptable answer. For Rammstein, I love how gentle and kind of a human Till really is. One of my favorite things I've ever read was an adorable quote from an interview about how he was contemplating getting rid of his "fishies" because he's never home and it's dark in there with all the shades closed and just oh my god he's so pure and also simultaneously just a certified fucking chaos goblin. He will do some WILD shit. When/where are you most likely to sing? Hm, I guess the car. Maybe. I don't really sing. Would you ever wish to explore a cave? That's literally a dream of mine. What is the most illegal thing you’ve done? Ridden in the passenger's seat with a driver who was high. I was fucking terrified. If we got pulled over, both of our asses would've gone to jail. What is your birthstone? Do you have any jewelry with it? Amethyst, and yes. Who was your first love? Jason. Who was your first kiss and when? Jason, March of 2012. Who was your first prom date? Jason. Who was your first room mate? ... Still Jason ha ha, plus a pair of friends that were also a couple. What was your first job? Sales associate at GameStop. Where did you go for your first date and who was it with? The roller rink with my first "boyfriend" Aaron and I remember like, two or more friends also being present. Was that even a date at that age? idk Who was the first person to send you flowers? I think my parents at dance recitals. Whose wedding were you in the first time you were a bridesmaid or a groomsmen? My older sister Ashley's. What was your first career choice? Paleontologist. What was your first sport? I want to say t-ball. Do you think it’s cute when you’re going down the road and see a dog with its head hanging out the window? Oh absolutely, I'd love to know that kind of bliss, ha ha. Does anyone in your family play in a band? What band? No. What’s the biggest spider you’ve come across? In the wild, probably just a wolf spider, really. I've held a tarantula at an exotic pet store, though. Have you ever been bitten by anything venomous? I have not. Which Mario game would you say is your favorite? That is, if you even like Mario? I think Mario Kart is fun with others. Do you have a deviantART account? I have two, actually. One just for photography and then the other is for like drawings and poetry. Have you ever pet a tarantula? Ha ha yes, even though you're not supposed to PET them; American species have urticating hairs on their abdomen that are very irritating to the skin to deter predators. I did in fact get a rash on my hand. Look, I didn't know ANYTHING about tarantulas back then, cut me some slack lmao. What was the first television show you were obsessed with? Pokemon. Have you ever been in a car wreck? Yes. Has anyone ever taken your own clothes off you before? Yeah. Did you kiss the last person you really wanted to kiss? Yes. What’s your favorite flavor of Doritos? Cool Ranch. What kinds of things are going wrong in your life right now? My lack of a job or going to school or just doing something worthwhile is the main thing. My weight loss hasn't been going as planned, but that'll hopefully start to change now... and I've been bad about not exercising, even though now we have the exercise bike. My mental health isn't fantastic. I really need to get my shit together. What kinds of things are going right in your life right now? My relationship with Girt, more than anything. That's... kinda all I can think about right now. [TW: RAPE] What was the last thing that made you feel sick to think about? I can't remember how my brain went here, but I suddenly recalled the time my sister was nearly raped by a childhood neighbor on our trampoline. Who is one very unique celebrity/musician/whatever that you love? I'd call Markiplier a unique one. Do you know any children who are very advanced for their age? I don't think so. How many Tim Burton movies have you seen? What do you think of his movies/animation style? Oh I don't know, loads. I adore his style. Do you park your car in a garage, carport or just in a driveway? We only have a driveway. Who is the person you dislike the most? My uncle that my family no longer associates with. How many cars can fit in your driveway? Barely even two. Do you have a little sister? I do. She's not so "little" anymore though, hasn't been for years. Do you think that your boyfriend/girlfriend can also be your best friend? I think they SHOULD be your best friend, at least one of 'em. Do you wear glasses? I do. Wish I could wear contacts, but they annoy the fuck outta me. What’s on your mind? I'm actually really hyped, a YouTuber I'm a big fan of whose individual channel I'm now explored has a playthrough of Parasite Eve 3, which I've wanted to see for years. It's a PSP exclusive so one I can't play myself, but it's also quite hated among original fans of the series and I'm curious, ha ha. Are you guilty of flirting too much? Definitely not. I only ever flirt with my boyfriend, anyway. What are your plans for tomorrow? Nothing, really. What is your middle name? Marie. Is there a name that you can’t stand but it’s the name of a loved one? Ha ha soooo I hate the name Donald, I hate his nickname, AND I hate his last name. Poor fuckin' guy lmao. When did you last make up a baby’s bottle? Never. What place outside of your own home do you spend the most time at? My sister's place. Hell, or my doctor's office. All my current doctors work at the same place. Why did you last see a doctor? My throat wasn't recovering from Covid and I'd practically entirely lost my voice, so I needed some antibiotics and stuff. Do most of your relatives live in the same state/province as you? No. Only my immediate family is here. Have you ever participated in a medical study? Quite sure no. Do you have any family members who are cancer survivors? My mom, twice. <3 I know I have one aunt (who we no longer associate with) who survived breast cancer, and I feel like there's more... Describe your favorite pair of sunglasses. I don't own any, but I've always wanted heart-shaped ones, probably a rose gold color. Do you have any licenses other than your driver’s license? No.