#cause i really can't do this alone
Text
Can't believe my mother said the infamous "we're all a bit OCD". Girl you've met me and my father and his family. You're nothing next to us
#anyway i found and rescued a baby bird from being eaten by cats (like immediate danger. mere inches away from eating the bird)#and now i have to take another train to another city to get it to the rehabilitation centre#which is why I haven't told her that I'm incredibly depressed and having more OCD shit going on and want to resume therapy#cause i really can't do this alone#and she said this shit#and now I'm like. how the hell am i supposed to trust her?#seriously you've no idea what that phrase does to a person. an ocd haver.#if you had ANY idea of what's going on in my mind...you wouldn't survive a day here#just having 1 type can significantly negatively impact your life#i have like 5 different obsessions and probably more cause I've had this since i can remember#if she ever wonders why I don't trust her this is why#my struggles aren't real ok#you deal with them then
1 note
·
View note
Text
I think what I want to get into with the "Anyone can do harm." thing that I keep beating yall over the head with is that literally anyone, anyone at all can do harm it's not "in your DNA" to be an abuser or written in the stars that you'll be a predator.
Whatever image you have of an abuser in your head, drop it and replace it with your favorite person in the world and you'll probably be closer to the truth than you realize.
It's easy to address harm when it's coming from someone you already hate.
I see it happen all the time. Someone you couldn't stand for no real reason does something heinous then all of a sudden here comes the avalanche of "I always knew they were a fucked up individual."
No, you didn't.
There is no possible way you could have known, you just already didn't fuck with them before they started doing something you could use to justify your hatred of them. I'm guilty of it too! I'm petty, mean, vindictive, and yes! I'm way quicker to believe something bad about someone I hate versus someone I love because I'm human. Still, y all gotta learn to move past that initial "Well, they were always nice to me!" gut feeling and understand that nobody truly knows anyone and anyone can be capable of anything. Even victims. Even you.
#thotty speaks#thotty rants#I was thinking about that Christine chan post and its like yeah yall really don't know how bad it got for her before she did what she did#It reminded me of that thing on tiktok where people take 'cringy' cosplayers videos (most of whom are literal children) and put racist or#bigoted text over it then reupload it to call them out then the og creator gets a flood of harassment mostly from people who hated them for#the crime of being weird on the internet but now they can use 'oh but they're a bigot!' as an excuse to tear them down until they come out#and say 'hey i didn't say this someone stole my shit' and nobody takes their vids down nor apologizes because they didn't fuck with them#anyway so wash rinse repeat#idk I just wish that people had the same smoke for people they actually like#mostly cause I'm tired of being accused of 'switching up' every time I cut people off or stop fuckin with an artist#like this is what we should be doing!!!! ACG ANYBODY CAN GET IT!#It should be smoke for ANYONE who does harm every your fave people!#otherwise you create this world where taking people to task for the harm they've done is less about the harm#and more about justifying our own actions#anyway keep that same energy across the board that's all I'm saying#cause if it comes out tomorrow that somebody close to me did some fucked up shit I'm out of there period#aint no talkin bout shit and that's on me growing up as a child told that certain grown folks can't be alone with me#but they allowed in my house...#Idk about yall but i'm ending that generational curse with me
838 notes
·
View notes
Text
this torture we're going through with the anime must be divine karma for slandering Bones all this time...... they said "oh, you don't like how we adapt things? you say the manga does it better?? okay then, well now there is no more manga. it's Bones or bust, bitches."
#bungou stray dogs#they really said now either you get the story from us or you don't get it at all 😭😭😭😭💀#screaming crying throwing up shaking HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO CARRY ON FOR THE NEXT WEEK LIKE EVERYTHING IS NORMAL#NOT KNOWING WHAT THE FUCK 'TWILIGHT FAREWELL' MEANS#NOT EVEN A FULL WEEK BUT FIVE DAYS CAUSE THE PV ALONE WILL END ME#seriously though how can i be okay with getting canon content for the first time in the ANIME#they already do terribly with content that ALREADY EXISTS#HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FEEL GETTING /NEW CONTENT/ THROUGH /BONES/#i guess looking at it another way though...... i should be glad if they deliver me some fucking hope a few weeks early#like obviously i'd rather none of this have happened and have gotten to this point in the last episode in the manga first#but since it did turn out this way....... if good things happen i'll take it i can't complain at this point just GIVE ME HOPE#mexican standoff with bones now that there's (basically) no manga content left like 'so it is down to you and it is down to me'#bones at the end of the fucking bsd world: 'never thought i'd be fighting side by side with a bsd anime hater'#me: 'how about side by side with a friend?'#bones: 'aye i can do that'
239 notes
·
View notes
Text
Sometimes I think about how long some of you all have been following me and I'm like wow, ya'll really like watching this clown.
#i know so many of ya'll by icon especially since I'm a visiual learner#I'm honestly very lucky to have attracted so many nice and cool and interesting as hell folks#i don't wanna sound like cliché or anything just like#even if I can't respond every the time know that I do really appreciate you all taking the time to be kind to me and show me things#and ask me stuff like#tumblrs always been my safe spece online#especially since this blog was made cause I had to avoid a stalker#and it's grown into this place where like#i love hearing what you guy have to say and show me things#I live alone and work a lot (and have been on tumblr more due to a lot of irl drama I can't get into yet)#and if any of ya'll are like gone for a while I will be like 'I hope ___ is doing ok' cause I do notice ;-;#so many of ya'll have been just so willing to be kind to me or let me vent to you privately or educate me about stuff#led me in the right direction and offer help#like the kindness goes both ways and I think that's really special#i might remove this later cause I get shy sharing but ahhhhhh#thank you all so so so much#it's been a rough as week#and a rough few years#so I'm just really thankful to you all ;;;;;;
61 notes
·
View notes
Photo
Let me chew you out a little, since we have a couple minutes (Patreon)
[Panel 1]
Prismo: *mumble* *mumble*
[Panel 2]
Prismo: *mumble*
[Panel 3]
Simon: Hmph. “Just because it’s in your head-”
[Panel 4]
Simon: “-Doesn’t mean it’s yours,” huh?
[Panel 5]
Simon: Give me all the responsibility with none of the privileges?
[Panel 6]
Simon: And then you get mad at me for trying to pick up your slack?
Prismo: Hey...
[Panel 7]
Simon: Clearly you already expect that much from me!
[Panel 8]
Prismo: Hey, hey! I did the best with what I had! I didn’t expect any of this!
[Panel 9]
Simon: And yet you didn’t even consider telling me, so we could’ve avoided this?
[Panel 10]
Prismo: It’s not like I could’ve just- taken it out! I was locked out!
[Panel 11]
Simon: You could’ve done something!
[Panel 12]
Simon: Instead you let my life spiral around this thing, kept me tethered to Ice King’s Madness-
[Panel 13]
Prismo: Fionna and Cake are real thou-
Simon: NOW you tell me! After I find out for myself!
#Doodles#Adventure Time#Fionna and Cake#Simon Petrikov#Prismo#They have like two minutes where they're alone together that aren't directly shown onscreen: Allow me to insert some ideas lol#As long as Simon isn't so faded that he can't work the nerve up I Absolutely think he'd get mad at Prismo for all this#Not like he didn't just come back from a terrible experience trying to work around his terrible dregs! He's very miserable!#Honestly I think the anger would be good for him lol#He's had to live like this for years! Under Ice King's shadow for something that wasn't his doing!#And he knows Prismo - he met him - they talked - but not about this#And I mean I honestly don't blame Prismo - with everything going on and his own depression spiral he had a few things on his mind#It's in a bad way for everyone#That said he is a Wish Master he really could've told Simon at any point even if he couldn't take his little pet project out of him lol#Then again again what Was he supposed to do lol#As much as I would trust Simon to keep a secret I don't think either of them could've expected Simon trying to summon Golb to do this#Obviously it /did/ happen that way but could either of them have guessed?? I don't think so#''Don't go summoning your ex-'' ''She's not my ex >:('' '''Cause there's an illicit universe in your head and you might summon that instead'#Like what no I don't think Prismo could've just - guessed that! Lol#He did leave Simon out to dry vis a vis Ice King and Fionna and Cake tho which was Not cool and he Could've done something about that#Although I can also see Simon snapping and telling someone that it wasn't his own stories - there's no winning!#But that's what makes the argument fun haha#Man they're both fun to draw ♪ Simon in that dress and Prismo's tiiiiired tired eyes haha ♫#It was shortlived but they have a fun dynamic :D Simon speaks so deadpan and sarcastic with Prismo haha <3 It's quite cute honestly
38 notes
·
View notes
Text
helppp i am soo not doing that well on this trip i went on with friends so it's pathetic tumblr post time
#i just cannot handle a big group of people no matter if i know them well or not i will feel left out#it's also the first day of my period and im not feeling well and i slept too little#i went to our apartment alone to lie down and had a panic over how loud the air raid siren is in that city and like i needed to hide asap#anyways and if i couldn't be any less fun right now i am sitting close to these new people i dont know and i just don't even look their way#cause no talking i can't do it. also i can't really drink ?????? bevause of my meds??#anyways mandatory tumblr pathetic posting sorry#00
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
I feel like every review of the Barry series finale that's like 'it was just meh...' is intentionally missing the point cause if they actually had to confront 'hey we as a country venerate service members to an insane degree when, just like normal people cause that's what they are, some of them are bad people. we will jump through hoops to absolve any wrongs these people commit. the police do get it massively wrong sometimes. justice is not always dished out. and we will make a butchered spectacle out of a tragedy for ticket sales.' they wouldn't get many clicks.....
#the way law enforcement overall were portrayed through the series alone I have not seen really talked abt anywhere#but GODDDDD like Janice was ~one of their own~ and they're all still so incompetent and stupid they can't even get her case right#like this show is screaming at you that this dude is PEAK delusional at the end#that's not what god wants for me#Sally tells him. to his face. if he wants to be absolved. he must take responsibility for what he's done.#but he doesn't. and he's absolved anyway. cause they twist his story to fit the#brave marine doing the best he can narrative#when really he killed his friend who was *also* a marine. he killed a lot of ppl. and never took responsibility.#and let's not even touch on how Noho Hank and Christobal are ENTIRELY written out of and forgotten#in the new narrative the movie makes. like those pesky queers further ruin this sterling service member triumphs over evil tale#I'm *obsessed* at this point idk. I've had all night to ponder cause I was up sick all night 😞#hbo barry#hbo barry spoilers
33 notes
·
View notes
Text
✨️Magenta✨️
#I've been really sad lately#its logical I've had a lot happen and a lot going on#and I've been mostly bedridden the past week cause of fibro flares#my brain can see the logic of why my body feels burnt out and why i feel anxious#but i also have this profound sense of loneliness that's been weighing on my chest#I feel the need to isolate and get away from people because it feels like it doesn't matter how much i try to blend in someone#will catch onto me being an “alien” or not quite fitting their mold or having a difference of opinion and i get bullied or ostracized#out of participating with folks or doing activities#and i get so overwhelmed by people and their literal energy/vibes that it feels as though I'm caught in a sneaker wave and being pulled#from shore and this is compounded on top of that feeling of being surrounded by people like tons of them who may even enjoy your company#but still feel very much isolated and alone the whole time#it could be winter triggering trauma responses in me due to childhood abuse related to the holidays#and then there's me trying to brainstorm how i can make money with my creativity when i have little to no help with anyone#and no one will give me a chance to bounce ideas and get a third persons opinion#its felt like this since i can remember: people value that i listen and reflect all the while show compassion#and then when i really need it myself and attempt to reach out i get the door shut in my face#it feels like the only people that have truly listened to me are therapists lmao and it hurts cause its like i gotta pay someone#just to listen to me go off on this idea i have for a side hustle a creative pursuit something i love#and i can't really share that with anyone irl because I'm supposed to be everyones therapist#and its shitty i dont get paid for it if thats the case lol#i feel like tumblr is the only spot I really have where i can share a lot of myself and make things that make others and myself happy#i don't know what id do without it#magenta is my safe word for venting#thanks for coming to my tedtalk as i write into the void#getting shit off my chest at 4am#i aint gettin no sleep cause of yall yall not gon get no sleep cause of meeee
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
If they announce a s4 I genuinely might have to log tf off. I don't even want to see what sort of dumpster fire it would be. Maybe I'm just being pessimistic, but I don't see much hope for it being good or worthwhile. I'm going to rant in the tags so if you disagree with my opinion thats cool you can just ignore me and continue scrolling :)
#h talks#I've said before yk maybe I'm wrong and there will be one and it'll be amazing but the chances are so so so so slim#what show can you think of thats been rebooted 9-10 years after it ended and been Good and didn't Fuck Everything Up?#cause I can't think of very many#reboots and remakes are the death of creativity and entertainment. some things need to be left alone as they are#like again if it was Perfect that would be great. but theres so much room for disappointment#to me there are very few plot points they could follow that would be Good#theres no point in having a plot about them being tracked down because they Shouldn't be caught. no one wants them in jail#and if they DO get caught? what was the fucking point . like it completely undermines the og ending#I don't see any reason to bring in Clarice. mostly because her character was blended with Will's a fair amount so they'd have to change her-#personality and canon plot a Whole bunch. which isn't bad per say but ... yk again whats the point of having her if she's not Her#so then ok maybe we focus on Will and Hannibal honeymooning together and killing and cannibalizing people and being on the run#Great Wonderful thats probably the best outcome. except.... its already been done so many times in fic that ppls expectations are HIGH#and do you Really expect something like that to air and not cause insane fucking discourse and then get cancelled?#do you WANT to invite an entire new group of even more annoying people into the fandom so we can rehash the same fucking debates about-#queerbaiting and age gaps and ethics? fuck no#ok end rant lol
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
sorry, halsey — hopeless fountain kingdom.
#ALL POWER DEMANDS PAIN AND SACRIFICE: musings.#NO SLEEP OF THE INNOCENT. NOT FOR YOU: character study.#it kind of surprises me just how much content there is out there about being afraid of intimacy but then again-#i have heard that that is supposedly one of the most common fears that people have apparently. so yeahhh but of course i do mean emotional-#intimacy here and oh my goshhh. i never realized just how sad parts of this song were until i listened to it again.#'i run away when thing's are good and never really understood the way you laid your eyes on me in ways that no one ever could#i hate to say it BUT that is so misao. she really does feel sooo unlovable sometimes and she has this 'leave them before they leave you'-#mentality that is so saddening to have TBH but i understand why she has it. her childhood kind of left her broken in a way i think-#in ways that can't be easily explained as it was very nuanced and complicated. but GAHHH that doesn't stop me from wanting misao-#to find at least some kind of love from people 😭 like she needs at least one friend or something that she can depend on bc i feel like-#that would really help her and being in a house alone all the time whenever she's not at work can not be good for her psyche.#so petition to get misao a friend or two? JSJSJ nahhh but i am legitimately being serious at this point#she needs someone who'll stick with her through thick and thin and will be understanding of the fact that she's got unresolved trauma so-#that partially causes her to be hyperindependent but i firmly believe that she needs people just as much as anyone else.#maybe more in fact but IDK#and the fact that in this song halsey says that she still knows facts about them even though she hasn't talked to them-#in forever? i'm WEEPING AHHH#that is so like misao as well sadly. she would literally take little notes as to what thing's people like to reference later if she had a-#friend because she 'doesn't want to get it wrong' whenever she gets them a present she says but it's really so that she doesn't forget-#how precious this person is to her and how she wrote down all of their favorite things as a result.
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
Gotta write a production report for two songs we recorded and I'm gonna have to do at least a third of it for a group of 6 after having done about half of the recording and editing work for one of these two projects...all that cause I still haven't found an internship so I can't just say : do it without me.
It's a little exhausting. I know they will work if I really push them but they'll do it super late and I'll have to revise it when I get back home from the small concert I've allowed myself to go instead of my portuguese lesson (brazilian artist so it's all good my teacher said, I still feel bad) and I'll have to run around tomorrow morning to print it and I'll assume the cost again.
It's...yeah it's exhausting. And my thesis is so far behind, and I still have no internship. I wanna keep strong but man that diploma is slipping away from me. I'm not even sure I have good enough grades at my exams now !
#yeah ok the anxiety is back#I have meds that are over the counter so like not great stuff but I'll just chug that down and hope it does something#plus I'm super stressed cause some of them are coming to a small party at my place (for once that I'm alone without my brother there)#and I was talkign with one of them (the closer one) about maybe coming out to them and he said yeah if you want :)#but now one of them is bringing his girlfriend and I am noooot doing that but also my place is a very intimate space for me#I so rarely invite people over because of that#I should stop drinking coffee it might be helping#my head is killing me#I'm so close to giving up on my studies all together and reimburse my mom#but I don't want to !! the people that inspire me the people i look up to the people i want to be like fought for it and never gave up#I'm not even sure I'm made for these studies. I have no ambition I just want to make people happy with music but the kind I love doesn't#really require me ? cause it's mostly small concerts with acoustics instruments#maybe I should have gone into idk social work but I'm pretty sure I would be way too anxious for it same reason i can't be a therapist#and the situation at home isn't much better rn#I really need to breath rn or I'm gonna be out of commission for so long that it will be even more stressful to do the reports at midnight#I'm gonna chicken out tonight as well and just stand there and listen and not talk to the artist afterwards and try to use the portuguese#I've learned nooo I'm just gonna default to english or french
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
god it's all so very shitty and there's nothing i can do about it.
#my dad still in the hospital and i think he's a bit better a bit less manic but who knows#he feels like a stranger again and i don't knoe how to talk to him (again)#and it would feel better if i knew that at least while he's in the hospital he's getting the proper care but no#i've been to visit him two times in my whole life and the conditions are absolutely horrible#a moldy run dowm building with prison like bars bars on the windows and staff that isn't payed and supported enough to care#they just drug people#but then it's not really safe for him to be with my sister and mom while he's manic cause he gets violent and can't hear no#and will steal from my moms wallet for cigarettes CAUSE HE'S MANIC AND THAT'S WHAT PEOPLE IN MANIA DO#so why doesn't he deserve to be in a safe warm and kind place where other patients don't steal his clothes#all these people deserve better#and when he eventually gets ''better'' then what he can't work he can't support himself but i feel my mother is done#i can't blame her either for not wanting to be married to him anymore cause it's frankly none of my business#and because it's something she probably wanted to do for a really long time but she doesn't want him to be left alone#sure he can go live with his brother and his family but i can only imagine the hate and anger they would show to my mom if she makes#that sort of decision#but i also want my dad to be his own person to be confident and strong#is that never going to happen?#i really fucking hate all of this
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
lol
#humungous trigger warning for the tags in the post#but i just need to vent somewhere and i don't want people irl to be in my business about this#or to get too worried and all...#tw: mentions of death and weapons and mental illness and suicide and sh-ing and abuse etc.#please feel free to ignore like i said i just need somewhere to vent#anyway i'm just so sick of being alive fr i've been so massively suicidal this past week and i'm so tired#having bpd AND bipolar AND depression AND ptsd and etc....#it really hurts so much#and my personal life is in fucking shambles like i just don't know what to do anymore#i feel so fucking alone all the goddamn time#so many friends don't give a fuck about anymore like they straight up just don't check up on me or anything#and my ex... i just. why can't you be more fucking understanding of what i'm fucking going through because of you#how the fuck did you turn my months-long depressive episode into me not caring about you cause i couldn't open about what i was going thru#i get you were fucking lonely but i was trying not to fucking die i was over here being talked off ledges#and then sending me a voice memo saying that you were lonely and trying to make an effort but i just didn't care about any of it#it's not fucking about you!!!! i didn't even let my own girlfriend or best friend in!!!! that's what fucking mental illness is!!!!!!#you promised that you'd be more understanding about my mental illnesses when we started talking again#what the fuck is this then?#why am i breaking down every time that you ignore me or take forever to text#like... she's gone back to calling me by my name instead of calling me 'baby' like she always has#she hasn't called me by my name since we first started talking it's been literally fucking years#and not saying i love you to me anymore...#and how can you fucking promise to stay in my life and still be my 'friend' and then fucking ignore me and don't answer my text messages#how the fuck am i supposed to feel that you haven't responded to me in over 24 hours but you react to days old ig messages from me#i fucking hate having borderline for fucking real i hate that she's my fp it hurts so fucking much#i feel like a fucking child i can't deal with this#i literally woke up from my sleep at like 3 or 4 am this morning nearly screaming#and then my gf found me on the living room couch crying and cuts all over my arm and a kitchen knife next to me#my left arm has been stinging all day from the fresh wounds#too painful to bandage them at the moment
11 notes
·
View notes
Note
I was already favourable towards coyotes when I started following you, but between you and a nonfic audio book I read recently, I'm now Obsessed. Thank you
#ask#I'm glad!#I just want (and need) more people interested in them#my endgoal is coyote education and teaching the general public about coexistence with coyotes#plus dispelling lots of misinformation about the species#like I really hope more people get interested in studying them in the field and working in public relations#I'm focused more on historical data and anatomical/genetics studies to have more solid info for subspecies documentation#as well as lobbying or certain populations to be protected#or ideally all coyotes being put under hunting seasons so they can't be killed year round#as that alone is causing heaps of problems#but yea like#please learn more about these cool little guys#I'm working on a program so I can both educate more people and get funding for more research but that's still several years off sadly#a bitch has the mental illnesses and is busy (I'm a bitch) :(#but doing the best I can in the moment so messages like this are super encouraging <333
50 notes
·
View notes
Text
babygirl's apartment is now almost completely decorated!!! Just needs a couple lamps, a couple little tables, an orchestrion, and a few plants and boom, mission accomplished!! Oh and a couple more designs for the blank walls flkjghlfdjkgh but we'll get there :)
A million thank-yous to @coldshrugs for coming up with the base design and helping me figure out how tf to do this housing thing! ❤️❤️❤️
Bonus close-up of Puck under the cut because he's such a funny little gremlin and I love him:
he's lion king-ing that little rock lmao
#i had around 2.5 million gil when i started this project and now i'm sitting somewhere around 1mil 400k fkjghkgdjh#and i spent half my gil savings but it's fine cause i already got back like 30k of it if i counted right LOL#that dining table alone was like $500k for some reason#but it was all 110% worth it cause what's the point of making all this gil if i'm not gonna spend it!!!!!#im so excited i can't wait to gpose a bunch in here fkdgjhfdkjgh#i'm already thinking about designs for a free company apt too though i am NOT gonna buy one#until my bank account has had a chance to recover !!!!#o'ravi soltholia#ffxiv#ffxiv housing#the bed cave is so perfect....shhhhh the catgirl is hiding from her responsibilities and the horrors 🤫🤫💤💤💤#kitty in the box what will she do !! (take a frickin nap apparently djskdjsks but man does she really need it)
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
Hey everyone back on another episode of why the fuck is my mother like this?
#ok rant time#i was thinking about enjoying a movie since i haven't in a long time and she was sleeping#i turned off the lights and sat down to watch it but she woke up and got into the room asking why I'm in the dark multiple times in an-#-aggressive way and turned on the lights#she then started asking 'what are you hiding from me you would only be in the dark if you're hiding something'#she ruined the whole mood and my night and then fucked off to sleep again#i can't enjoy a movie or really anything anymore cause she's glued to my fucking hip#if i smile at my phone she asks what I'm doing if I'm texting with my phone she asks who I'm talking to if I'm laughing she asks what I'm-#-laughing about if I'm watching something she asks what I'm watching if i woke before here she asks what i did and what i ate before she-#-woke up#stop just fucking stop i don't want to see your stupid fucking face anymore shut up get away from me I'm a fucking adult leave me alone#I'd be happy with her being annoying if she wasn't a terrible fucking human but she is i fucking hate this so much just shut up shut up#i fucking hate this house so much i want to burn it down with me in it#why the hell do i have to live with her constantly annoying me venting to me taking out her anger on me but my siblings can have their own-#-lives outside of this#this isn't fucking fair i never fucking asked for this any of this why why the hell is it always me that has to suffer#why the fuck is it me that got bullied and hit by my eldest brother for years but then i got threatened to be kicked out of the house by my-#-mother i was a fucking child why the fuck do she always side with anyone else that isn't me then has the fucking nerve to demand i treat-#-her like a friend she will fucking never be my friend i won't forget what she did and what she does she will never be my fucking friend
17 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
kosckolkata-blog
Untitled
cmbyn-bts
Call Me By Your Name BTS
mrbasabose
NubianCzar
bodybuildersluvr
Untitled
horny-resus-cpr-girl
need to get deep compressed tbh