#chris pine please give us a cover for this song

[theballadofmars]

My contribution to the Wish fandom: Magnífico but his villain song is Good to be king from Journey to Bethelhem (if you didn't watch journey to bethelhem please do it is amazing and it has Antonio Banderas sining this masterpiece).

[kjmsupremacist]

Felix sweet boy baby angel but Christopher Bang is literally Satan? Idk if you saw but Hyunjin ratted him out on live and said the lyrics for Red Light were toned down. I don’t want to know. I don’t. He was already talking about edging and I don’t want to know. He can keep his Scorpio Venus and his Sag Mars away from me and everyone I love. I would give anything to know his rising if sign. It’s giving Earth but there’s so much air in his chart it’s hard to be sure. 🤖

i am so happy you sent me this ask because i have been looking for an excuse to talk about red lights. I sent leon and margot a seven minute long voice message when i was doing my research for my red lights-inspired fic like that's where i'm at.

First, yes, I saw Hyunjin's comments! that's what chris gets for trying to say hyunjin wrote all the lyrics in the first place. nice try, chris. also, his scorpio venus is SEXY. i won't be taking criticism on this opinion.

Now. Please see under the cut if you want to watch me dissect Red Lights -- both the lyrics and the MV.

so, credit where credit's due--I skimmed this and this reddit posts while I was doing my research.

now. we all know that on the surface, this song is about sex (and specifically bondage and edging—that much is clear). but, ah, how's the saying go? "everything is about sex except for sex, which is about power"? sure.

yeah, it's meant to be sexy. they did that for us and im still not sure if I want to kill them for it or thank them with my life. BUT, as they mentioned in the howl in harmony video, it's primarily a song about obsession.

The first reddit post does a great (albeit kind of aggressive) breakdown of the lyrics, where it becomes really clear that they're talking about the relationship they have with their work and the relationship they have with fans. In essence, the song is about how they want to give their lives and all their time to making more content for fans so that they will continue to receive love from us. The red lights are actually the recording light on a camera (hence the line “set the mic up”).

And so a relationship like the one depicted here is dark and intense, and yes—passionate and driven by love—but ultimately, it consumes itself in the vortex of its own desire, and then peters out into a sort of blank monotony—learned through repetition, a habitual reflex instead of a true reaction.

Then, the second reddit post goes on a deep dive of some of the symbolism seen in the MV—specifically, the use of kink. This is where it gets really fun.

We mostly see Hyunjin in shibari-style bondage. OP posits (and I agree) that he is meant to represent passion without discipline. The shibari ropes are tied messily (and so therefore dangerously) which is perfect for representing how often kink (and other obsessions) can devolve—you plunge in headfirst, but you are directionless except for the insistent tug in your gut that cries for more, more.

Chan, on the other hand, is seen primarily (esp in solo scenes) bound by heavy chains. He represents discipline with no passion. In the Howl in Harmony video, I believe he mentions that after a long day of practice, he'll still find himself in the recording studio, even though he's tired. He does what he has to on autopilot, because he knows he must, because it’s the only thing he feels he can do.

If Hyunjin is mania, then Chan is depression. The chains are GREAT symbolism because this dutiful march towards burnout and beyond is, as the lyrics suggest, stemming from a desire to keep receiving love (from fans)—that if you just work hard enough then no one will ever leave you. You wish to bind the person (or people) you love to you, but in the end the bonds only weigh you down.

So then the part where they’re tied together, back to back, at the end, shows when passion and discipline come into balance. And that’s creation for the love of creation while still maintaining a respect for yourself, the art, and your audience. (or idk. maybe they just thought we'd like to see them tied to one another. and they were right).

It's also fun because while we see Hyunjin and Chan both assume positions of domination and submission, it's clear Chan is meant to be the “dominant force” here (hence discipline). The reason we do see instances of Hyunjin in power (choking Chan, standing over him on the table) is because any somewhat healthy d/s relationship involves first the surrender of power. The dom is only perceived to be in power because the sub first relinquishes it them. So. You know.

I will say I'm not sure what to say about the edging theme (BNKSJDF) besides the obvious—almost giving you what you want, but not quite.

And finally, this is not part of either of those two reddit posts, but I was ENTHRALLED by the use of mirror and mirror-esque imagery throughout the MV and in the choreo. I love mirrors as a symbol so we're going to talk about that, too.

First and most obviously, it may be a bit on the nose. In art, mirrors and reflections are often used to show that there is a deeper meaning than what is clear on the surface. So this might have just been hyunchan going "hey! it's not just about sex!"

but I think there's more to it than that. Mirrors are often used as a vessel of truth—in some Chinese myths, for example, mirrors can repel demons, as they will show a demon’s true form. Or see the Little Mermaid—though Ursula managed to change her outward appearance, she was caught in her lie when another character (sebastian, i think?) saw her reflection in the mirror.

Additionally, one’s reflection used to be thought to contain one’s soul—which is why mirrors were covered in the home of person who had just passed, so they would not be trapped as a ghost in the world of the living.

For this reason, mirrors are often also considered dangerous. Think of Narcissus, for a start, who fell in love with his own reflection and sat at the water's edge, pining, until he fucking died. Or consider the following quote (which I love) from Fernando Pessoa:

“Man shouldn’t be able to see his own face – there’s nothing more sinister. Nature gave him the gift of not being able to see it, and of not being able to stare into his own eyes. Only in the water of rivers and ponds could he look at his face. And the very posture he had to assume was symbolic. He had to bend over, stoop down, to commit the ignominy of beholding himself. The inventor of the mirror poisoned the human heart.”

We use mirrors to watch ourselves watching ourselves (and the Margaret Atwood who lives in our heads cries “male fantasies, male fantasies! You are you own voyeur!”). We perform for the mirror—often what we see in the mirror is not actually how we are seen by others! We think we may find truth there, when in reality it is a distortion. Ties itself up really nicely, I think.

In any case, this really goes well with the theme of obsession in the song—staring in the mirror asking, what do others see? What is wrong about me? What can I do better? The idea of looking in the mirror to seek what others see, both positive and negative, is common throughout. And I think their use of mirrored choreo (esp when it seems like one of them is the reflection!!), as well as mirror placement on the set of the mv, and ESPECIALLY the lovely bit at the end where they both stand staring carefully at their own reflections, all work to drive that theme home.

and i don't even know how to touch on all the color symbolism (when it changes between color and b&w?? the palette being overwhelmingly yellow and red and black???), or the lens filters (warping, blurring, etc), or the way they superimposed pieces of the video on top of other pieces, or the use of that one stark white background—without writing a fucking dissertation (and this is already a ridiculously long post) so i'll just stop here.

This is all to say, maybe what they meant was that the lyrics were a lot more aggressive about these themes and they were asked to tone them down to keep it neutral.

or maybe they're just sexy, sexy motherfuckers and their managers bonked them on the head and sent them to horny jail.

[seoracle]

DRIVERS LICENSE; i

Pairing: Bang Chan x Idol! Gender Neutral Reader

Genre: Fake Dating! AU, Angst, Lovers to Enemies(?), Occasional Pining, Comedy, S for potential smut(??)

Summary: Y/N has become an overnight sensation with ‘Drivers License’, Breaking records left and right...But what if the press gets wind of the ill-matched lovers and their company decide it’s the perfect attention ploy?

Word Count: 3.2K

Warnings: Swearing (a lot near the end), Drinking mention

A/N: this was meant to be a drabble... now it’s becoming a series...i’m sorry

“...and the winner of Inkigayo today is...Y/N with ‘Drivers License, Congratulations!”

You step towards the center of the stage and take the trophy and bouquet from a rookie idol, who flashes a bright smile at you, but you can see the envy in his eyes. You once had that same hunger and ambition that he seems to reek of, it’s a reminder of how far you’ve come.

Taking the mic, you begin to sing a more sultry and edgier vibe than usual, which seems to gather more screams from fans than usual. You remember what Seulgi taught you and gaze at the camera lens with a subtle pout, trying to capture the angst of the song in your gaze.

It feels ridiculous, feigning emotions you no longer feel, singing a song you begged the company not to put out in a corset fitted shirt that’ll leave your ribs sore and reddened. It’s pathetic and cliche, you quite literally sold your soul (well, heart) for fame. 

“Yeah, you said forever, now I drive alone past your street…”

Everyone behind you waves at the camera, signalling the show is ending. You leave last, taking several confetti bits for your scrapbook, which is the only thing keeping you from remembering this is all real. 

Backstage, Iris and San are waiting in your dressing room, they greet you with proud grins and slaps on the back. 

“Well, if it isn’t miss twelve...no, thirteen wins in two weeks.” San praises, enveloping you in a hug.

“Could be thirteen by tomorrow~” Hums Iris in a sing-song tone.

A groan leaves your lips, while slumping into an uncomfortable chair. You tune out their excited plans for your makeup and hair tomorrow, San says something about an end of year Award show.

All you want is to go home to your empty dormitory and sleep.

When you finally arrive to the ‘comfort’ of your ‘studio apartment’ (box room), it isn’t long before you strip down to your pyjamas and aggressively rub off the layers of makeup that seem to cling to every pore and fine line of your face. The cold air from the fan soothes the aching of your body from your strict workout routine. You stay awake until 4am, reading comments from netizens and replying to fans on your fancafe, it  was hard not to become obsessed with checking what people thought; whether they loved or loathed you.

[+184 -93] Y/N is talented, but they look devoid of emotion since last week...maybe singing a song so personal isn’t a good idea….what if the person it’s about hears it…..

User FYL**8 was right, it had become draining trying to convey emotions you’d long let go of. Your debut song was fresh and fun, it didn’t garner much attention but at least you hadn’t had to fake emotions and relive your first heartbreak.

Although the memories of the breakup didn’t hurt as much, the happiest ones were the most painful. The feeling of ignorance, thinking he meant forever and believing him completely...it was all so distant yet felt a fingertip away.

That night you slept with a heavy heart, remembering what it felt like when he’d hold you close and right and kiss you on the head to soothe your worries. Why did it have to end? Why like that? You try to drift into a nice sleep after another exhausting day but to no avail, thoughts of him are flooding every thought. Has he heard it? There was no way he hadn’t, he loved to check out every ranking song for inspiration or for another artist to add to his monthly playlist. 

Would he get angry? Sad? Laugh at your pathetic feelings? He was right in the end, when it came down to it you only shared your feelings when it was too late.

Stupid Christopher fucking Bang.

It wasn’t often you’d refer to him as Chan, you had met him when he only saw it as another name for himself that he hardly used. Back when his hair had been fluffed up curls that he couldn’t contain and his light freckles weren’t covered by BB Cream. When he didn’t belong to the world and only loved you.

After months of forcing yourself not to, you hastily search “Stray kids Bang Chan + Y/N”, Then “Stray Kids Y/N” and finally “Skz Y/N”. The results are minimal and far inbetween, mostly tweets from fans wishing for a collab and oddly enough one person making edited photos of you and them, which are so convincing you have to remind yourself you hadn’t met them.

Thoughts drift to his friends, the ones who didn’t know Chris was even seeing someone and had been for over a year. They tried to sugarcoat it, say they forgot, it’s hard to keep track when you’re training and all that. 

The sinking feeling you felt when Minho asked how long you’d been together, guessing a month at most. When you did reply, ears burning with embarrassment he coughed and muttered “Oh.’, That had stung.

Everything had seemed so perfect, until you opened your eyes and saw it for what it was.

You don’t end up sleeping much, two hours at most, Then it’s time to get ready and head to the Broadcast Studio for today’s event. All you know is it’s a show about giving advice, the reviews aren’t great but you aren’t allowed to turn anything down because fame is a double-edged sword that you can barely grasp as is.

Iris and San are already waiting for you when you get there, within minutes makeup is being patted into your skin and your outfit is laid out on the chair next to you.

“Sleep more, Y/N-ah, I had to use a double coverage concealer to hide your dark circles.” Iris said in a fretful tone.

“I try, it’s hard being famous.” You reply jokingly, flipping your hair the best you can. Iris smacks your hand away and frantically finds her hairspray.

Within twenty minutes you’re dressed and not one hair is out of place, San pulls you aside with an uncharacteristically stern face. 

“The company have specific goals for sending you here, they want you to delve into a story of heartbreak to comfort today’s victim, while keeping anonymity and remaining as vague as you can.” 

Of course, even a show about helping others is fictional.

You nod solemnly and prepare to go on air, sitting on a cushion next to a popular comedian who doesn’t bother to even look at you. A well-known Streamer is on your other side and you begin polite small talk, which seems to irritate the host.

“We’re on in 3,2….1!” A sharp click follows the director’s queue and the host bursts right into the introduction.

After you’re introduced it’s easy to tune out, you couldn’t give a shit about that stuck-up comedian and the actress to their right. Instead you think of how the fuck you’re supposed to conjure up an emotional performance with little to no time to prepare.

‘My ex-boyfriend hid me for almost two years’ no, not even worthy of a cheap gossip magazine. ‘I thought my boyfriend loved me, turns out he loved his career more’ Maybe...but you sound too needy. 

“Today’s guest is Lee Chaeun of Suwon! Tell us your story, please.” 

You turn to look at the guest who walks onto the set and sits at the head of the pillow mats. She’s clearly a young girl, her baby face is covered by face-framing layers of shiny black hair and her eyes are already glassy.

“Last year, I began dating my crush after years of admiring him from afar...Everything seemed so perfect until last week….He dumped me by text message saying he needed space and now he’s with someone new..” Chaeun bursts into tears and the host fakes a sympathetic face and passes her a box of tissues.

“Ah, you’re young...you don’t know anything yet. This is a normal phase for teenagers, men realise themselves and break girls down so they become beautiful women. It’s just a case of a little girl not wanting to grow up!” Chimes in the Comedian, who talks about his falsities as if they’re facts.

The audience erupts into laughter and the heartbroken teenager lowers her head in embarrassment. Which only makes you more enraged, Who told that guy he was funny?

“Chaeun has every right to be upset!” You exclaim, cutting through the laugher like a hot knife. “When a relationship ends when everything seems alright for one person, it's cruel. Being blindsided isn’t a joke. It hurts and she deserves closure, and to move on someday to a better person..What happened to her shouldn’t happen to anyone!”  You barely register a gentle hand on top of yours, far too surprised by the fact there are tears dripping down your face. Crying wasn’t an option, so you pull yourself together and apologise to Chaeun and the host you cannot stand.

“Y/N, You seemed personally moved by Chaeun’s story, have you experienced a painful breakup?” The host asks curiously.

“You could say that,” You begin with a wry smile. “I was with someone who lived a double life, they were completely different when they were with other people...Things ended when I was still planning for future dates...it made me realise how fake they were.”

The guests all nod and you squeeze Chaeun’s hand, she smiles at you seeming relieved that she isn’t the only one who has felt this kind of pain. 

Everything goes smoothly after that, other guests chime in and the actress that seemed snobby is openly discussing her ex vomiting all over her Valentinos. You can’t help but wonder if the company really suggested this, or if it was divine intervention (Choi San, your manager). 

You don’t feel so alone anymore, everyone is guaranteed several things, two being love and heartbreak of some kind. 

“Thanks to singer Y/N and actress Sojung, Chaeun was able to feel a little better...Thank you for joining us on ‘Help No Counsellor!’, Join us next week when…’

“Choi San, you sneaky bastard.”

He tries to act surprised but a shit-eating grin soon overtakes his acting, Iris shakes her head and zips her makeup bag closed. It isn’t long until you’re all at The Min’s enjoying red bean bread and warm tea.  “What does inept even mean? I’m assuming it’s a good thing because Wooyoung kissed me after saying it.” San mentions, his lips curving upwards at the fond memory.

“I’d have to agree with Woo, it fits you perfectly.” You reply, circling around his question while Iris tries not to choke on her food.

Fits of laughter die down when you spot a familiar face, Lee Mijoo. 

Her blonde hair flows down her back in loose curls and her soft eyes seem to enchant everyone, admittedly even you for a short time.Behind her is a slightly taller figure dressed in all black and your stomach drops.They don’t seem to notice your presence, so you decide to use this valuable time to hide behind a menu. 

San and Iris try to play along best they can, but it is quite distressing that all of this has happened so suddenly, with no prior warning. But he did bring you here, a lot. So it’s amusing to see his date ideas haven't changed. 

As he’s walking past you he pauses, and you want to shrivel into a hole and die, He’s clearly recognised you but can’t be 100% sure due to The Min’s menu covering your entire face. 

“Y/N?” 

Shit. You cannot hide from this.

Slowly taking the menu away and placing it down on the table you smile at him, maybe a little too forced but it’s the best you can do. His hair is blonde now, his curls are long gone but his smile is as genuine as ever. 

Stupid Christopher Bang and his stupid ‘I-totally-didn’t-break-your-heart’ attitude.

“Chan, nice to see you. Still obsessed with their double shots?” You humoured, he seemed grateful for that.

“Oh, absolutely...and I see you’re still not saving any bean bread for anyone else.” 

You laugh, it’s a bittersweet one at best but nevertheless it’s a laugh.

'Well it’s great to see you again, I’d love to exchange numbers if that’s alright?” 

Without thinking you nod and oblige him, much to your friend’s disappointment which is evident by their glares. Mijoo exchanges smiles with everyone, who could hate her? She was funny, kind hearted and beautiful in every aspect. 

When they finally leave to their outside seats you breathe a sigh of relief and sink into the chair.Iris strokes your hair and San grabs more snacks to go, the walk home isn’t peaceful. It’s awkward and silent, which only makes your head spin more. When you drop off Iris you know a lecture is coming, San hates doing it but you know he tells you what you need to hear, even if it hurts.

“Look, I’m happy you were able to brush off all the hurt today but earlier on you were crying about….this. Don’t give him the power to hurt you twice.”

“You’re right, thanks Sannie.” You reply, taking his arm and smiling at the warmth of his (Wooyoung’s) fuzzy coat. 

Once San leaves and you get inside, it’s a matter of minutes before you hop in the shower and get rid of all the hairspray and mascara that’s been making you itch all day. The warm water soothes away your nerves and the impending frostbite from being outside in the cold for far too long. 

Once you feel clean and somewhat scalded you step out onto warm fluffy towels (cheap warm fluffy towels with holes in them) and get situated for bed.

Just as you exit the bathroom your phone rings and you answer immediately, it’s probably Iris wanting you to play a new Among Us mod with her. 

“Iris?”

“Uh, no, Chris.” 

“Oh.” is your initial reply, why would he call you at midnight?

“Where you asleep? I’m sorry I’ll call back another ti-”

“No!” You interject, much too eagerly. “No...it’s fine. I’m not even in bed yet.”

“Oh” He sounds relieved, much the opposite of you.

“I just wanted to congratulate you...The song, it’s great. What’s it like actually singing one you wrote?”

“Great,” You admit with a smile he can't see, “It feels...genuine. I Couldn't stand the thought of giving the song away.”

“I can see why.” He replies in an unreadable tone.

“Did it make you uncomfortable? Me singing...about-”

“No, why would it?” He cuts in, he sounds slightly agitated.

“Look, Chan, I’m sorry. I should’ve texted you, well I did but you changed your number. But it’s my story too, okay? I needed to heal somehow.”

Minutes pass with no answer, as if he’s trying to think of exactly what to say without getting more irritated or to spare your feelings.

“When did I become Chan?” His voice comes out wavering,and it hurts you.

“That’s what everyone calls you now, you’re not just Chris the trainee anymore.” You reply in a gentle way, trying to ease the building tension.

“But to you, when did I stop being Chris?”

“Probably when you broke my heart,” You deadpan, before adding a ‘kidding’ and bullshit reason.

“You weren’t kidding, but you broke mine too. Don’t make me the bad guy.”

This had taken you aback, you had been in a perfectly happy relationship for almost two years and then he changed his mind, said he wasn’t happy and it wasn’t your fault. When the fuck did you break his heart?

“When exactly did that happen?” You query, “Before or after Mijoo?”

Chan lets out a dry laugh, “Don’t talk about what you don’t understand.”

“Well what does it matter? You never told me shit anyways.” You snapped.

“That’s because you wouldn’t fucking listen. Maybe to you it was all sunshine and roses but I was struggling, I changed and outgrew us. I didn’t want to but you were stuck in dreamland where we’d debut at the same time and live happily ever after. I realised it wasn’t going to happen and set you free so you wouldn’t be embarrassed.”

“Embarrassed?” You bark,”Fucking embarrassed of what exaclty? I left that shithole you call your company by choice and worked my way up. I’m not embarrassed, but you should be. You’re a fucking sellout Christopher Bang.”

Before he can reply you end the call and throw your phone at the wall, it would’ve broken only for the forty dollar case the store assistant convinced you to buy. You burst into tears just like you had that night when it all came crashing down. He must’ve loved seeing you in pain, because he keeps doing it even now.

That night, you wish for everything to go back to a time before him and the heartbreak that followed.

It’s early on a Friday when you’re called into a board meeting with the CEO, Director and San, who looks like someone stepped on his clay masterpiece. You still haven’t been told anything and as the minutes pass by you wonder if they found out about you getting drunk at Club Suran several weeks back. What if someone saw San there too? What if–

Suddenly the doors open and in walks JYP’s CEO, followed by several others and finally Chris. He looks as confused as you, but you quickly look away before he spots you. Last night was still fresh in your mind and you didn’t need anymore reminders or conversations with him.

“Dispatch has sent us several photos of you two together, spanning several years.” Your CEO announces, an Executive pulling the photos up on the screen behind her. “Including one from yesterday.”

“That was a coincidence, we broke up a long time ago.” You admit, she seems satisfied with your answer and nods, which makes you remember that damned dating ban you have.

“Usually, we’d shoot down these rumours immediately...but this could be quite beneficial to both Stray Kids and Y/N.” JYP’s CEO adds, “Stock prices have shown a rise for both of your albums, and real time searches are at an all time high.” 

“I have a girlfriend.” Chan states, arms folded. “So that’s out of the question if you’re implying we fake a relationship.”

“Look Bang Chan,” Begins one of the Advisors, “It’s all for show, we’ll plan every detail and your girlfriend will keep her mouth shut if she knows what's good for her. Frankly, our sales aren't what they used to be and you need this, if you want complete musical and artistic control.”

Chan takes a while to think, you know this is all he’s wanted. Control over everything he and the boys put out there, with no censorship or edits by anyone else. Your CEO assures you you’ll also benefit from the agreement, including your debt fully cleared and money in your bank account as soon as you sign on the dotted line.

“How long does this last?” You ask, pen in hand.

“Twelve months, then you’re free again.” 

Chan looks to you for conformation and you ignore him, signing it and standing up to leave. You only stop to sign more formalities and then you and San head back to your local coffee shop. 

“Well, you sure have a funny way of moving on.”

[elbracco]

LiS2 Fanfiction recommendation list - updated

I updated the ff list I made a few months ago. As before, if anyone has any suggestions to add, I’m all ears. I divided the stories into three categories (Post-ending, AUs and Missing Moments) and all the ffs on this list are either completed or still actively updated.

POST-ENDING

Blood Brothers: To Puerto Lobos - And Beyond! by SerratedCucumber, in progress. It starts as the brothers break into Mexico and follows them as they try to build a life for themselves. I swear that I hear Gonzalo and Roman every time that Sean or Daniel say something: the dialogue is that good. 11,000 words for now.

*

Lone Wolf: The One You Feed by zeldanerdster, in progress. This work follows the "Lone Wolf" path immediately after events unfold at the border. Following that, it will chronicle Daniel's experiences for as far as they take him in an effort to reconcile the various open-ended resolutions of Life is Strange 2. Because LW didn’t break our hearts enough. 20,500 words for now. Lone Superwolf by Dreamprism, in progress. The ff begins with Sean’s death at the border and aims to show how Daniel got from the car to the “six years later” scene. The fanfic is written from the perspective of Daniel Diaz, similar to how Sean shares his internal thoughts with the player throughout Life is Strange 2. 17,000 words for now.

*

Parting Ways: After by koldtbold, one-shot. Sean gets to Mexico, Daniel doesn’t. Sean has a lot to do and think about. What I love about this story is that there’s much bitter and little sweet, but like in the game there’s an undercurrent of optimism, a feeling that tomorrow can still turn into a better day. 6,000 words. When There’s Nowhere Else to Run, by Autumnyte, in progress. It begins right after Daniel yeets himself from the car and follows Sean as he tries to build a life for himself in Puerto Lobos. I told Autumnyte that this story feels like a blanket: it’s warm and comfortable. No matter what issues Sean has to deal with, there is a pervasive undertone of "tomorrow will be better" that I think really captures the spirit of the game. He is done running, and he can now start to look to the future with hope. 31,000 words for now.

*

Redemption:

The Bravest Wolf in the World by RoodAwakening, 2 chapters left. Ask anyone for reading suggestions, and they’ll inevitably point you to this story, for a reason. Sean finds out he can use his sketches to time-travel, much like Max did with her photos, prevents Esteban’s death, and has to deal with the consequences as he tries to navigate the new life he made for himself. Wonderful characters, a realistic depiction of trauma, and golden dialogue. I love this Sean, I love the people in his life, I love his interactions with all the characters. 160,000 words (!) for now. A Howl in the Night by Bracco, one-shot. Sean is in prison, and Daniel is free: it’s everything that Sean had wanted when he surrendered. That means he can be happy… right? 28,500 words. Tomorrow's Horizon by AlariOdonell, in progress. A mysterious stranger recruits a post-bay Max Caulfield with the promise to bring Chloe back to life and to right a few wrongs along the way, like those suffered by two brothers. I am very partial to this story because it ticks every box in my list of narrative kinks: a well-written OC, an incoming threat, superpowers, misfits teaming up, IC characters, action and fuzzy feelings... 52,000 words for now, updated bi-weekly. Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want by DarkJaden825698, one-shot. After his sentence, Sean reconnects with some old friends and says some things he didn't get to say when he had the chance. This story is a warm, fuzzy thing where everything goes well for a change. I may also be very partial to the title: that song is tied to some of my fondest memories, so extra points to the author. 4,000 words. Spirit Realm: Road to Redemption by Sombraguerrero, completed. Sean has served his sentence, abbreviated by a lack of success on the authorities' part to attain burden of proof on the supposed major crimes. The public has run out of patience and has allowed Sean and Daniel to try and pick up the pieces, with as much help as they can get along what is once again a rough road. 21,000 words. Stay Strange by DarkJaden825698, completed. Dr. Bright is assigned to Sean Diaz as his therapist in prison, and walks him through his trauma while trying to find him a lawyer to challenge his sentence. Crossover fic between LiS2 and The Bright Sessions podcast - you don’t know anything about the podcast? Me neither, and it’s not an issue. 32,000 words.

AUs

And All These Empty Streets by Riona, one-shot. After the apocalypse, Sean and Daniel have a run-in with Joel and Ellie from TLOU. I think that this is the story that made me realize how I love Sean and Daniel so much that I’m willing to read the weirdest AUs and crossovers so long. It flows really well and it feels natural. 2,000 words.

Riona has written a lot of stories that start from an unexpected premise and draw a little vignette. They are all different from each other and I loved them all. Check out her AO3 profile! Can you give me a hint by Idnis, completed. Teenage Daniel/Chris. If you like “mutual pining” and “dumb idiots in love”, this story will make your day. It’s just... fluffy and sweet and innocent, a tiny bit of teenage drama that Daniel and Chris deserve after everything they’ve been through. 22,500 words. Closer to the Heart by darkjaden825698, in progress. After the shooting, Sean waits for the police to arrive. He’s cleared of all charges and sent to live to Beaver Creek, where he must come to terms with what happened and rebuild a life for himself. A teen drama where nothing bad happens to the boys and they get to live normal lives? Hit me with it. 4,000 words. Double exposure by Riona, completed. It draws inspiration from *Your Name*: Max and Sean begin swapping bodies at random. If the premise doesn’t turn you away, it’s a beautiful bittersweet story about two people trying to help each other while their own worlds are falling apart. 11,000 words. Faithless by HollowK, in progress. Six years after the failed heist, Sean wakes up from his coma and has a brother to find. Exactly: oof. 6,500 words for now. I Took Both Roads, series by owlmug. AU where Esteban isn’t shot. Sean/Finn (with some Sean/Cassidy in the first story). It’s a coming of age story, and I really loved how the author mirrored some situations that are found in the game by giving them a new twist. I won’t lie, these stories hurt, because they made me think about what could have been. The characters are spot on, and the interactions of the Diaz family are golden. Bonus points for having Sean behave like a teenage brat at times, because the boy deserved to have temper tantrums and getting into fights with Esteban over stupid stuff. There are also a lot of beautiful images across the series, a lot of lines that feel raw and powerful, and a lot of healing. At times it’s like having a heart-to-heart with the author. Sometimes I felt that the sex scenes were too long, and some of them I found unnecessary, but that’s just my personal taste. I really liked all the four stories, but the last one is my favourite for sure because it follows Esteban’s point of view and it’s *chef’s kiss*.

 1.       A Way to Reappear (https://archiveofourown.org/works/19096837), 18,000 words. Sean’s POV

2.       A Piece of the Puzzle (https://archiveofourown.org/works/19386670), 26,000 words. Sean’s POV

3.       A Little left Behind (https://archiveofourown.org/works/19852561), 24,000 words. Finn’s POV

4.       (I’ve Been Going Through) a Change (https://archiveofourown.org/works/20562086), 28,000 words. Esteban’s POV.

If I Lay Here by owlmug, completed. Diverges from canon after episode 3. Sean and Finn try to track Daniel down. Sean/Finn, 46,500 words. I can repeat here most of what I wrote for the earlier series: wonderful characterization, beautiful imagery, touching themes, characters that find themselves along the way. Something that makes you go “Please, sir, can I have some more?” at the end of every chapter. i just don’t know how i’m doing (i’m so curious about you) by Larrymurphycansteponme, one-shot. Another High School AU, another wonderful coming of age story for Sean. I wish I could make it justice without repeating everything I said about owlmug’s series: spot-on characterization, a beautiful narrative about growing up and finding one’s way, wonderful imagery. It’s the story of what Sean deserved to have, and one of my favorite ever. 28,000 words.

MISSING MOMENTS

A Night With Misty Mice by That_one_internet_lover, completed. It follows Sean and Lyla’s concert night that is mentioned in his phone chat in ep.1. It’s the first fanfiction I read after my endgame heartbreak: it gave me all the happy Sean I wanted, and even a bit more. The dynamic between him and Lyla is exactly what I pictured from their interactions in the game, put into words by someone who knows what they’re doing. 10,000 words. Astray by Riona, one-shot. Daniel leaves Sean behind after the events of Wastelands. It’s probably more of an AU than a Missing Moment, since it was written before Faith came out and so it’s not entirely canon-compliant, but it’s still a very good window on Daniel’s state of mind after the heist. I’m eternally grateful to Riona for filling some of the gaps that the game left in the development of these wonderful characters. 1,500 words.  Fire and Floods by Riona, one-shot. Sean and Daniel go on the run, and this fic covers the first day of their journey. A spot-on dissection of Sean’s feelings after the shooting. 1,500 words. life is strange 2 poems by Spotsuns, an ongoing collection of one-shots. These stories have all the oooffness of the game. The stories in here hurt. In the good way, but they hurt nonetheless. Beautiful character studies, and some heavy-duty, post-ending feel unpacking. 11,000 words. Never Stop Shining by CorazonDesnudo, in progress. During his stay in Away, Sean receives a letter from Finn with an offer to help him and Daniel cross the border. It’s a chance to come to terms with a lot of things he didn’t really process before. 11,000 words for now. Torchbearers by Riona. Ep.1’s Sean and Daniel run into Max and Chloe among the ruins of Arcadia Bay. I can definitely see this story being a moment of quiet in the game. 2,600 words. What Remains of the Diaz Family by That_one_internet_lover, completed. Lyla sneaks into the Diaz household after the brothers have disappeared. Heartbreaking oofness ensues as Lyla walks through their memories and faces her own pain. 6500 words.

[hiddles-evans-hallucinations]

Show Me

Request: “can i request? reader is typically not that affectionate but would cuddle&sometimes sit on someones lap when shes drunk. Lately Chris is alway the ones she goes to when drunk bc hes always nice to her&goes along with it but one day she overhears him kinda complaining about it so shes stops going to him and instead goes to tom holland since the two are close from working together and are about the same age. After a while Chris starts noticing that she doesn’t go to him anymore and gets jealous” - By Anon

Pairing: Chris Evans x  Famous Reader

Genre: Fluff, Young-adults,  

Warnings: 18+, sensitive background, explicit language, age gap

Note: Oh another famous reader and all that, I love eeht! Thank you for the request! My request are still open btw! And please also let me know if you want your request to be short or long. Hope you enjoy this! 

Tag list: @patzammit​ - tag list are open! Lemme know through my inbox! <3

*gifs are not mine*

You were known by the public because your dad is an actor, even though you don’t go out with paparazzi, a lot of friends are way more famous than you. Famous like your dad or even more. Like Tom Holland, Chris Evans, Justin Bieber, Sebastian Stan, and also because you dated some famous people in the past, Chris Pine, Orlando Bloom, Nicholas Hoult and Niall Horan. You are a very social person but those who knows you well know enough that you are not affectionate enough, it just happens when you’re drunk; a complete clingy and lovey dovey person. And you agreed that it’s one of the reason why your past relationships never worked out. 

You agreed to go to Ellen’s birthday party and when it comes to Ellen’s parties, you know you’re gonna get fucked up. You never know how she keeps it up, and she knows for sure that you’re not a lightweight drinker, a heavy one if you have to say but it all come crashing down when she’s the one that’s hosting the party. 

“Aw shit.” you said over the phone when she called, you are just around the corner near her house. “I’m about to go home.” you added as you hear Ellen’s laugh with the music blasting in the background. 

“Hey, come on! It’s my birthday!” 

“Fine!” You said, Portia take over the phone and say, “I can’t believe you’re about to say no to your godmother.” oh and Ellen is your godmother. 

“Fine, fine! I’m pulling over!” 

You hung up and look down at what you’re wearing. You frown, you were just done with work; you’re a fashion designer who owns your own clothing brand. You know that when it’s Ellen’s birthday, the paparazzi would follow you to your office that day in downtown LA. 

When you were about to walk out of your car, Tom calls. 

You answer by not saying anything, he hates it when you do it. “Where are you?” he asks as you spray perfume all over you. “Ellen’s.” “Oh, I’m almost there too!” 

You raise your brow at him. “She invites you?” 

“I think it was a mistake, she was talking to RDJ and I happen to be there in the middle of them talking-” 

“Oh my god, bye.” 

“See you, my darling!” 

You roll your eyes and hung up at him. You know where to park at Ellen’s, it’s basically your second home and you don’t need a valet to take your car for you. 

You walk in greeted by Portia. “Beyonce is here.” she whispers. 

“No way?” 

“Yes way!” she squealed, knowing that you love Beyonce so much, your mouth hangs open. 

Ellen pecks your head, “Happy birthday, godmother.” you joked as she rolled her eyes at you. 

You walk into the bar and get yourself gin and tonic as a hand landed on your back, you turn around and find Sebastian Stan. “What’s up, lady!” he screamed. You smiled and find a lot of the Avengers actors is here, you spotted Chris looking at you across the room. You partied with these guys more than anyone, since you’re only a year older than Tom, you spend a lot of your time socializing and not touching people. Seb used to say, “LOL at you cause hugging is good for you.” but you can’t help it, your parents divorced because your mom was so abusive, and since then you never liked it when people touches you. 

Seb says, "Your dance partner is right there." he pointed his head to Chris' direction. You flushed, your head went back to the text Anthony Mackie sent you where you were dancing all night with Chris and got a little bit too comfortable. Every time you party and there’s Chris, you don’t know why you’re always open to be affectionate and it only happens when you’re drunk. 

“(Y/N)!” Tom screamed from across the room, you were sure that everyone who heard him gave him a look. You give him a one-arm hug, he laughed knowing that this is as far as you can get and it’s still progress. You worked with Tom before and have become closer after and it’s also because you’re the same age as him, just a year older.

After you said hi to everyone, Chris smiled at you, you blushed. 

How embarrassing is this, (Y/N)? You said to yourself as Anthony came in with tequila shots. You shot him a look and he smirks, “Come on, we wanna see you dance like few weeks ago. I heard you still do ballet? No wonder why you can move like that, they say.. girls who ballet will shake that ass and bring a shock therapy to men like us.” Your eyes shot open that it almost fell out of it place. 

“Jesus Christ, Anthony, what the fuck?” You said taking the shot from his hand and shoot it down your throat. “Hey, come on, you can dance, embrace it.” he was about to put his arms around you but know your boundaries. 

“Oops, okay, hug you later.” he hands you another shot. 

After eight-glasses of gin and tonic, one screwdriver, too many tequila shots, you finally take off your outer and started to make your way to Anthony who’s pulling the invisible robe to his way. You threw your head back, as you walk to the dance floor, everyone cheers you as you laugh. 

Chris looks at you, licking his lower lip, young blood, he thought, every time (Y/N) gets to this point, she dances like no other, and when she grinds on him, he wants to do things to her. And he knows that she dances with everyone platonically but sometimes he wish more. 

“Girls have fun” by Tyga started to play in the background, you were dancing with a glass in hand, Seb lights up his cigarette as Anthony dance enjoying himself and the music. 

You saw Chris sitting down, you walk to him and grab both of his hands but he’s way stronger than you so you fall onto his lap. This is what the picture looked like at the party few weeks ago. You find yourself wrapping your hands around his neck as he chuckles. When you sat on his lap it could be all night, you’d have conversations and he even stayed at your place, doing nothing but cuddling. 

You both are friends and you guys hang out a lot, partying together a lot, so you see it as a platonic gesture when you’re affectionate and clingy towards him when you’re drunk. Tom was one of the victim of your drunk clinginess, he still does sometimes but when he’s not in LA and every party you attend there’s Chris and he’s the closest friend you have out of everyone in the room, mostly. 

“I got more money than her ex!” people sang the line of “Nothin’ Like Me” by Chris Brown as you drag Chris to the dance floor, your hands wrapped around his. He laughed and just when he place both his hands on your waist the music changed to “Beware” by Big Sean. 

This is yours, Mackie’s and Chris’ favorite song to sing out at parties. 

Okay, skeet, smoke Sleep, call Miss, text Woke, spoke Lie, feel, Lisa ew Time, kill, months, still.

“I got somebody baby calling me daddy!” Anthony and Chris shouted. 

They look at you to finish the other line as you scrunch your hair up and sang, “I drink too much please call me a cabby.” they both laughed at you, the room smells like nothing but alcohol. The music never seem to stop. 

All of you went to sit to talk, you sit in between Tom and Chris, you rest your head on Chris’ shoulder. But when you were about to get water, you feel dizzy and landed on Chris’ lap. “Oh this is comfortable, as always.” you slurred. 

Chris looks at (Y/N) as she sits on his lap, he enjoys it usually, but now it’s getting annoying, she just keeps sitting on his lap, and it only happens when she’s drunk, she feels like she’s doing this to take advantage of him and not caring about what he might feels of this.

“Okay, I got to go home.” 

Chris sighs in relief as (Y/N) make her way out after hugging everyone and kissing his cheek. 

I don’t know how long she’s gonna keep it up, Chris thought. 

. . . .  

A month have passed since Ellen’s birthday party, you were fucked the next morning and you keep on telling everyone at your HQ to stop screaming when they’re not. You drink coffee like a lunatic at meetings and you never want to take your shades off that day. 

Tonight, you’re in New York, and you are invited by Seb, he said it’s kind of a Marvel casts party but everyone’s bring everybody, it’s kind of intimate party but not really, the party where everyone know each other, so, why not invite you when you’re also in town. 

You can see paparazzi outside as you walk in covering your face. You were wearing the same outfit from opening another store in Manhattan and you didn’t want to change because it’s too much work. 

“Looking good, Miss (Y/L/N)!” The paparazzi called out but you ignore him. 

You walk out of the elevator of the penthouse and Scarlett Johansson pulls you in for a hug immediately, not caring about you think and also because she’s already tipsy. “Why are you late?! Everyone is almost drunk!” you laughed, trying to ignore the fact that she’s still hugging you now. 

You notice that it’s not as crowded as you thought it’d be. 

You excuse yourself to go the bathroom to fix your makeup. You open the door and leans closer on the mirror to check on your makeup. You reapply your lipstick and add some more blush just slightly. 

You were putting your things back to your clutch when you hear Chris’ and Anthony’s voice. 

“Is (Y/N) gonna be here?” Chris asks. 

“Yeah, Scarlett told me she’s already here.” 

Chris groans, you stop yourself from being seen by them. “What’s up with you?” 

“It’s just, when she’s drunk, she’s like clingy and sitting on my lap and stuff, it gets... annoying.” your heart sinks. 

You’re trying to not be so hard on yourself and say, “Told ya, it’s gonna be like this when you’re affectionate.” to yourself. 

“Dude? What? Anyone will take her, but remember, you know her. Platonic Evans... Platonic.” You hear their footsteps fades as you walk out. 

You were avoiding Chris the whole night, you stayed with Tom and talk with RDJ, Scarlett and Mark. The party isn’t as loud as Ellen’s, everyone can still talk to each other without yelling. 

You’ve been drinking and you can feel it hits fast and right. “I’m sorry if I’m gonna be handsy and clingy to you.” You said to Tom. Tom looks at you weird, “What? You are the person that everyone waits to get drunk so they can have your arms all around you.” he pulls you into his lap as you continue to talk. 

Chris watches you from across the room, he knows when your eyes are different from all the alcohol, you’ll be where you are right now. But, he feels something was off. You didn’t say hi to him, you waited for Mackie to come to you to say hi, you talk with Seb then to everybody but him. Usually, this time you’d take his hands to dance or you’d just sit on his lap, but not tonight. You hold onto Tom, talking to him, laughing with him. 

Chris would see it as normal, but tonight because you’re avoiding and he noticed it, it feels different. He wanted to be Tom or at least get you away from Tom. 

You feel sick, and Tom can feel it. He turns you around so you are facing as he ask, “You okay?” you shook your head no. 

“Have you eaten today?” 

“No.” 

“Why? That’s why you’re off too fast.” he said, rubbing your back. Chris sees how your skirt lifts up a little bit too high revealing your thighs when Tom shifts you around to face him. 

I don’t like what I see, Chris thought to himself. 

You rest your head against Tom’s cheeks, Anthony walks in and mouth “Is she okay?” Tom chuckles, shaking his head no as he continues to rub your back. Anthony grabs you a glass of water and hands it to Tom. 

But, before he can give it to you, you feel like everything’s gonna come out.

You sit up straight and say, “I need to go.” covering your mouth, Chris was fast and you didn’t even know where you came from as he throw you over his shoulder and take you to the closest restroom. 

You can feel your head spinning those drinks you just counted keeps on adding up and not to mention, you’re in this state fast because you haven’t eat and you drink with your usual amount of serving. 

Chris holds up your hair as everything came out through your throat that feel nothing but bitterness and sourness. Oh, great, you thought. 

He helped you up once you’re done, but you avoid his eyes still. You wash your mouth, opening the drawer and find a new toothbrush and brush your teeth and tongue. 

You feel disgusting from all the vomit. 

Chris looks at you, wondering what happened all these weeks you two went to party together all touchy but tonight, you’re so distant. 

Once you’re done brushing your teeth, Chris said, “come.” you just look at him through the mirror before turning to him. 

He holds out his hand but you rejeted his offer by gesturing him lead-the-way with your hands. 

Chris took you to the kitchen that’s far from all of the crowds. “Here, drink this.” he hands you a cup of americano. 

“Thanks.” you said, grabbing your phone out of your clutch, only finding that it’s already 2 AM. 

You text back your friends, and texted Tom back.

T: I’m going. Please, let me know when you’re home. 

(Y/N): Sobering up, thank you. See you soon. 

You keep on finding apps to open to avoid Chris’ eyes that seems to never leave you out his sight. You don’t feel anything but embarrassed, and you want this to stop; being all touchy and affectionate only when you’re intoxicated.

“Look at me,” 

You ignore him, opening Instagram and uploads a picture of you and Tom drinking together as RDJ posed with his arms crossed over his chest on your Insta Story. 

“(Y/N).” 

“What?” You said looking up to him, placing your phone on the counter. Chris holds up his hands in defeat hearing your tone. You look down, ashamed. You’re full on sober now, but you hate the fact that you are because now you have to talk to him. 

Chris said, “I don’t like seeing you with Tom like that.” you give him a are-you-serious look. 

“Why? Are you jealous?” You scoff. 

“Yeah, I think I am jealous.” 

“You think? I thought it’s annoying when I sit on your lap and be all handsy.” 

His eyes widens. “Wha.. what?”

“I heard you, Evans, and I’m fucking sorry I did all of that and made you uncomfortable, I couldn’t fucking help it, but you don’t really have to say that.” you said, you never even confront anyone, you avoid conflicts, but you feel like you need to say it to him since you both are friends. 

Chris make his way to you as you lean against the counter. “I’m sorry you have to hear that, I know, I know, I’m a dick for saying those things. But..” he place a hand on your waist as you hold your breath trying to not panic. 

“Why are you only doing it when there’s alcohol involved? You know I’d want you to do it and be okay with it when you’re not intoxicated.” 

You roll your eyes at him, “Chris, you know me long enough to know I can’t have people touching me.” He briefly looks at your lips then back to you. 

“And whatever it is with Tom is none of your business.” you added, but you don’t shifts away from his hand on you. 

“I’m sorry, but I still don’t like it.” 

“Well, you don’t like it either when I’m on you, so.” you shrug, looking away. Chris turns you around and press your body against his so close that you gasps. “I don’t like you on me when you’re intoxicated, but this..” he breathes against your neck. 

“I’m here for it.” 

You find yourself smiling. “So, you’re jealous?” he nodded as he rest his chin on the side of your head, he’s too tall to have his chin on your shoulder. 

You take a deep breath to place your hand on top of him. “I am, very much. I might have to show you how jealous I am.” 

You gasp and turn to him. “Oh no, you’re not.” 

Chris chuckled, amused before cupping your face. “People desire your touch and I long for it with you in a state like this.” he leans forward, his face is an inch away from you. 

“So, please, my request, specifically, don’t do it with other guys.” 

“Well, you don’t like it with you-” 

He cuts you off by pressing his lips together against yours. 

While the one hand’s caressing your face, the other hand trails on the side of your thigh, trailing up to the inside of your skirt. 

“You’re mine, now.” he murmurs against your lips. 

“Show me then.” 

[lov3nerdstuff]

Wicked Game

~Professor Hiddleston AU~

*Tom Hiddleston x reader*

Part: 1/30

Words: 3.3k

Warnings: Professor x student (college AU), possibly language and maybe even smut in later chapters idk

Summary: After transferring to a new university for the last year of your master's, you meet Professor Hiddleston and soon find yourself unable to stay away from him.

A.N.: I really suck at summaries, I'm so sorry 🙈 basically, this is a slow burn romance with lots of pining and yes, I like naming my stories after songs. Wicked Game by Chris Isaac is gonna appear quite a bit in the story I think, so you might just give it a listen now!

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] ...

All Parts can be found on my Masterlist!

_______________________________

If someone had told you on your first day of college that you would have to live through the whole thing again a few years later, you might just have quit and called it a day after breakfast. But now, multiple years after your actual first day, you were the new kid once again. Transferring colleges had been a hard decision, but there was no turning back now. You didn't yet know where the classrooms were or how you'd get to yours, but you still had fifteen minutes to go before your first class would start. So you walked through the hallways of your new school trying to find your room, taking in the overwhelming amount of people passing by. First day of class for you also meant first day of classes for everyone else and so the whole building was completely overcrowded. The close proximity made you nervous and combined with the uncertainty of where you needed to go, you felt yourself starting to panic. You stood in the middle of the hall, frozen to the spot and unable to move while people pushed past you, shoving and talking too loudly. The urge to run and hide grew stronger and stronger until you finally bolted, opening the first door you found unlocked and rushing it. It shut with a loud bang and you found yourself leaning against it from the inside. With closed eyes, silence and the returning ability to breathe deeply, you calmed down a little. 

"Hello there." A smooth voice said, making you jump and rip your eyes open in an instant. The sudden movement made your bag slip from your shoulder, spilling half of the contents on the floor.

"Woah, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you…" The man in front of you said as he set his to-go cup down and walked over to you. With a gentle hand he led you to a chair and made you sit down.

The adrenaline decreased slowly and you could finally take a serious look around. You were in an office, it was crowded with books but larger than most dorm rooms. In front of you stood a man who was currently looking down at you worriedly. He was beyond handsome and even though your heart was racing because of utterly different reasons, you couldn't deny that he had that effect on you as well.

"Are you alright?" He asked in a quiet voice, careful to not scare you again.

"Yeah, uhm… sorry." You replied, finally able to think straight again. It was pretty dumb, you realized, having just walked into the first room that had been open.

"It's alright." He gave you a small smile and sat down in the chair opposite to you. "I assume you aren't here for my office hours?"

You shook your head. "No, I'm sorry. I was just looking for my class… But somehow I ended up here in your office." 

"I'm Thomas Hiddleston, professor for literature and cultural studies."

"Y/n… Y/n L/n." You smiled back at him. "I'm doing a master's in cultural studies. And one in literature. Double degree..."

His eyes light up ever so slightly upon hearing that and he smiled even more brightly. "What a coincidence. How come we've never met up to this point? The group of students in both degrees is very… limited, unfortunately. And I'm very sure I would've met someone doing a double degree in my fields of study."

"Oh, I just transferred here. It's my first day." You bit your bottom lip, looking into his incredibly blue eyes. How a man such like him could be a college professor was a riddle to you, a miracle even. 

"Ah, I see. I'm sure we will see a lot more of each other then!" He rose from his chair and went to pick up your bag from the ground as if it was the most natural thing. With a blush creeping to your face you rushed to his side and dropped on your knees to collect your belongings. "Oh, please don't, I can do that, it's fine." 

He took a step back and held his hands up in defeat, laughing lightly. "Just wanted to help."

Still blushing furiously, you pushed everything back into your bag as quickly as you could and got back up. "You're being very nice and I'm… well…"

"Don't worry about it. Everyone has a bad day sometimes." He hooked his thumbs into the pockets of his black jeans and just looked at you with an expression that had you melting into a puddle within seconds.

You nodded slightly, finally remembering how to human. Not looking at him helped greatly, so you found yourself looking at the folded paper in your hands. After a short moment you remembered the circumstances under which you had burst into his office. "Uhm, I'm very sorry for just coming in here, Mr. Hiddleston. I got overwhelmed by the crowds outside and then I couldn't find my class and… you don't even want to hear about that. Sorry." 

You turned on your heels and made for the exit as quickly as possible. 

"Miss L/n!" He stopped you before you could open the door, making you turn around once again. 

"I would like to help you, if you don't mind." His voice was very gentle as he walked towards you, stopping just at arm's length. "Which class are you trying to find?"

You silently handed him the printed schedule you had been clinging onto for dear life and he took it from you, unfolding it. His eyes flew over the page as if he was trying to memorize the whole thing and you couldn't help but watch him.

"You're taking two of my classes!" He said cheerfully and beamed at you. "Tuesday morning and Friday evening."

Your heart skipped a beat at the prospect of seeing him every week. Twice, even. He was being really nice to you, despite being a professor and you still a student; nothing like the professors at your old uni. You appreciated that and sincerely looked forward to seeing him in class. 

"Your first class is in this building, that's good news!" He said, coming to stand next to you to show you what he was pointing at on the paper. "It's in the E tower, fourth floor, third corridor."

You frowned involuntarily, giving him a polite but desperately confused smile. "Thank you?" 

He bit his bottom lip to suppress his own smile. "You have no idea where that is, right?"

You shake your head, letting out a breathy laugh. "No, not at all."

He gave you back your paper and walked over to his desk, shoving a few items into a leather bag. "I'm going to show you to your room."

You felt the heat returning to your cheeks immediately. "Oh, that's very nice of you, but I'm sure I can just ask my way around. You really don't have to…"

"Nah, it's my pleasure. I have to teach a class in the same tower anyway, it's no big deal." His shoulder brushed yours as he walked past you, sending a pleasant shiver down your spine that you made your heart race again.

He stopped, holding the door open for you. "After you, Miss Y/n." 

You smiled and walked out of the office, staring at his backside while he locked the door. The hallway had cleared almost completely and there were very few people still hurrying to get to their classes. 

You walked behind Mr. Hiddleston, eyes on the ground. This was embarrassing for so many reasons… first you had stumbled into his office without even knocking, then you had spread the contents of your bag all over his floor and finally you had been too dumb to find your room and now you didn't even dare to walk next to him. That and the fact that he was beyond friendly... and handsome; the most attractive, attentive man you had ever met.

"You don't have to trail behind me like a lost puppy, you know…" He chuckled and turned around to look at you over his shoulder. With more confidence, your steps quickened and you walked next to him.

"What class are you teaching now?" You asked after a while to break the silence that was falling between you. It wasn't any of your business, but the only question you could think of. 

"Intro to lit." He sighed, answering as if this chatting between you was a normal occurrence. "It's nice to inspire young people to study literature, but the first classes are always quite exhausting."

"Hmm." You crossed your arms in front of your chest. "What's making it exhausting for you?"

"It's just the freshmen classes mostly… They don't listen, I have to repeat everything a million times and then a million more." He sighed. "But I shouldn't be complaining to you."

"No, it's fine… I mean I don't mind." You said with a shrug. "It's not like I enjoy first day of class either."

"Why not?" He asked in return.

"Same as you, I would say. Most professors don't start with the contents right away, they talk on and on and on about the bureaucracy and explain the assignments a million times because some person wasn't listening." You said as the two of you started climbing the staircase towards the fourth floor. 

"What would you suggest to do differently?" He asked, his voice a mix of humor and sincere curiosity.

You thought for a moment, humming quietly. "I mean the outlines have to be covered, but that doesn't mean that the teachers have to keep repeating themselves if the students aren't listening. I always find it helpful to get the syllabus, talk it over real quick and then have five minutes for questions."

He smiled. "Yeah, that would be ideal. It usually doesn't work like that, unfortunately. Questions follow upon questions and some students try to stretch this by asking the most ridiculous things."

"Maybe you could start straight with the first topic and only have fifteen minutes at the end of class reserved for syllabus talk. So you can use most of the class for input and only go over the basics quickly at the end. That way you'll have a limited amount of time for questions and no one leaves before class is over. If the questions are all answered by the end of class you're good, if not you can always offer to answer further questions per email or in office hours." You rambled, not knowing when it had become a good idea to give a professor teaching advice.

"Interesting idea." He mused, pushing his glasses up with a single, slender finger. "I'll have to try that."

Your cheeks were still heated and you nervously played with the zipper of your sweatshirt when you reached the fourth floor. Was he always this nice to his students? If he kept on being so… him, you knew you'd be in serious trouble. But it had only been a few minutes you'd spent alone with him and next time you'd meet in class with a bunch of other people. The thought calmed you down a little and you dropped your arms to your sides.

"So… Advanced German?" He asked with amusement.

"What?" You were a little slow, dragging your thoughts from his person to the class you were walking to. "Oh, the class… yeah." 

"How many languages do you speak?" He inquired further, but you didn't mind at all. He was just being polite and making small talk, after all.

"Well, I know English of course, then German, Spanish, and some Korean. I can read Latin, but I guess no one can do more than reading it really… I can also understand a tiny bit Danish and Dutch."

He smiled a little, shaking his head to himself, but didn't comment on it any further. You just took it as an acknowledgement of your answer, for you were sure that he didn't sincerely want to know more about you. A moment later he stopped in front of an open classroom door.

"Here we are." He said calmly and pointed to the open room.

"Thank you, professor." You smiled, looking everywhere but at him, trying not to get lost in his eyes once again. "I really appreciate your help. If there's anything I can help you with in return, please let me know." 

"Surely will do. Have a nice day, Miss L/n. I'll see you in class tomorrow." He said with one last polite smile before he walked back into the direction you had just come from, leaving you wondering if his class was really in this part of the building. 

As you sauntered into your classroom and sat down towards the front, you reflected on your encounter with the professor. He was extremely friendly, extremely handsome and you'd bet that he was extremely smart as well. Probably every girl in the whole university was crushing on the guy. As understandable that was, you were determined not to drool over him. He was your professor after all and he was probably being nice to every student. So you tried to focus on your class, and on meeting some of the students who all happened to be doing different degrees. Maybe Hiddleston had been right about the size of the degree then… damn it, now you were thinking about him again. Maybe because he was the first and only person you had met? Groaning inwardly, you shoved him to the back of your mind for a while and actually got work done. 

It was dark outside when you reached your apartment. You had moved in a week ago and yet, you couldn't imagine a worse place to live. Your roommate was an absolute disaster, he was messy and pushy and had absolutely no sense for personal space. At night, you locked the door to your bedroom because he might just walk in when drunk and lay in your bed with you if he wasn't hindered. So you had maxed out the time you spent at college today; after your two classes, you had spent the afternoon and the evening at the library. It was such a calming place, old and yet modern, filled with more books than you could ever read. There wasn't any work to be done yet and so you had read ahead for professor Hiddleston's classes. Somehow, you felt the need to impress the man, or at least regain the respect you thought you had lost this morning. So you had picked up a few books and read through some of them already. The others you had taken home. 

You dug through your bag in search of your keychain, frowning deeply. The damn things was not to be found, even after emptying your whole bag on the sidewalk. For a second you closed your eyes and prayed that you had only forgotten them in your room. But for now, all you could do was knock. To your not-really-surprise, a strange man with weird tattoos opened up and let you in without question. This was a regular thing now, strange men basically living in your apartment and calling themselves visitors of your roommate.

Once you were in the small space of your bedroom and hadn't found your keys, you remembered that you hadn't eaten at all today, so you made your way to the kitchen only to find that your foods were gone. Great… 

With a sigh you returned to your room only with a bottle of wine you'd kept hidden in a box of board games. After you'd locked the door, you opened the bottle and went to read on your bed in your PJs. But somehow the words wouldn't stick in your brain at all. At about midnight you gave up, put the book back on your desk and laid down in the vain attempt to sleep. However your roommate seemed to have different plans, as sounds of demolition and various voices shouting echoed through the whole apartment. 

Groaning, you just stared into the darkness around you until finally your body gave in and you fell into a restless sleep.

______________

Tom sat at the desk in his office at uni, his elbows on the tabletop and his head in his hands. For hours he'd been trying to finish preparing his classes for the following day and he just couldn't concentrate. When he'd come to work this morning, he had expected another normal first day of class. He had gotten some coffee, over at his favorite coffee shop close to campus, and then walked to his office together with his colleague and friend Benedict. Just when he had finally sat down to prepare for the first class he was giving, his door had been ripped open and you had entered his office. And thereby also his life. 

At first he hadn't thought too much about it, but as the minutes spent with you passed, he had felt drawn to you in a way he couldn't really put his finger to. While the rational part of his mind had told him you were just another student, he couldn't help but treat you… differently. Sure, he was always being nice to his students, but as he had walked you to your class he had felt the dire need to be around you for longer. To befriend you, maybe, he had thought. He knew it was wrong and after he had left you to your class, he had promised himself that from that moment on, he would treat you like every other student. 

The only problem was that throughout the whole day, his thoughts had returned to you whenever he had tried to focus on something else. So after his classes, when the time to prepare for tomorrow had come, he found himself thinking about your suggestion. Maybe he should indeed start the class with content and leave the formalities for the end. 

That's where he was at now, with his head in his hands, thinking about the class. He couldn't just ignore you, that wouldn't be fair to anyone. So maybe he would just have to put on a facade and hope that the wicked games his mind was playing with him would stop soon.

Sighing he got up and tiredly grabbed his bag to head out, knocking over a cup of pens in the process. With an exaggerated rolling of his eyes he knelt down and collected the pens that had flown everywhere. As he reached under the cupboard, his fingers didn't touch a pen, as he would've expected, but instead a small piece of metal. Then another, and another. With a frown he pulled the whole thing into the light, finding a ring with several keys attached to it, along with a small piece of metal saying 'And having thee, of all men's pride I boast'.

The smile came upon his lips before he could stop himself and he sat on the ground for a moment, just staring at the keys in his hand. You must've lost them here when you had dropped your bag earlier and missed them in your haste. He hadn't meant to make you uncomfortable by his attempt to help you… it was the polite thing to do but he assumed that it wasn't really the most professional. He quickly collected the remaining pens and then made his way to the door, putting your keys in his bag. Hopefully you had gotten into your home, somehow… he'd hate if something happened to you because of your little incident this morning. 

He would return the keys tomorrow in class, apologize once more for his behavior today and then return to a more professional behavior.

However as he lay in bed that night, restless and frustrated with himself, he wasn't so sure anymore that he would be able to stay away from you after all.

_______________

Tags:

@its-remy-not-ratatouille @just-the-hiddles @inmyworstlies @lotus-eyedindiangoddess @kinghiddlestonanddixon

If you'd like to be tagged in the series comment down below 💗✨💚

[hyunsracha]

rubicund — bang chan

word count: 1.8k

summary: music production major chris really needs a place to live - and you just happen to have a few empty rooms and need a new roommate.

right.

let’s go lesbians!!

so u, lovely lil college sophomore u, lived in an apartment

fuck dorm lives

n ur roommate was ur friend n everything was SICK

until ur friend moved out - to live w his boyfriend -_-

now u were alone :(

and u didn’t have enough money to pay rent by yourself :(

so u either move out! or find another roommate

but ur apartment was way too sick to just MOVE OUT LIKE THAT

so u started advertising hey! i’m a poor college student! be my roommate if ur also in college! hey!

christopher bang, college sophomore, has been kicked out of his apartment.

his roommate, jisung, said, “hey chris? this apartment is a one bedroom n my boyfriend is moving in so …. can u go?” LIKE IT WAS THE MOST CASUAL THING EVER???

SURE JISUNG, I’LL JUST BE HOMELESS!!

chris, the angel he is, agreed.

but now he needed a place to live! hopefully w enough room to set up his recording stuff

so he started looking until- hey! he stumbled upon your ad!

the ad seemed friendly enough, so he went to check it out

u opened the door on a rainy sunday after rushing around to make sure everything looked PERFECT!!

every couch pillow was Fluffed to Perfection >:(( and every surface was Sparking >:((

honestly though?? chris thought U were sparkling

u opened the door, ur face flushed from all the rushing about, and u smiled the most gentle smile ever,

“hi! i’m y/n. you’re chris, right?”

“t-that i am!”

you started giving him a tour of the apartment, making sure to emphasize how good a roommate u were and that u usually stayed in ur room so !! no need to worry about u !!

but chris was !! worrying !!

u were so cute and ur voice was so cute n u seemed so shy and unsure of what u were doing

u were just so soft! how was he supposed to live w the biggest cutie in the world?

“um. i’m a music production major...and i make music with two of my friends, and i usually work at home. is that an issue? would it be too loud?”

“oh no not at all! we have an extra room that my old roommate used as a dance studio, so you could use it as a recording studio or whatever!”

dang it

chris was kinda hoping that his music thing would be annoying so he couldn’t live there

but the house was perfect! and u seemed like the perfect roommate!

a week later, chris was moving in

u helped him, of course, u lil angel

u didn’t really know chris that well, so u didn’t know if he was just a shy dude or if he was nervous around u

news flash: he’s nervous

u were helping him move in??? what a kind soul!!! can u get any cuter >:((

apparently.

he was organizing his stuff that night when there was a light knocking on his door.

it was u

“hey”

“hey?”

“i uh-” u were looking down at ur feet, ur hands clasped behind ur back, “was just wondering if you wanted to come watch a movie with me? i mean, we live together now so we should probably get to know each other and maybe be friends, yanno?”

“o-oh! sure! what movie?”

“i was thinking mulan…”

“ur speaking my language now”

so there u two were, all sprawled out in the living room, covering in soft blankets and chomping down on some snacks.

u two were barely focused on the movie, finding each other much more interesting.

u learned that he made music with his friends jisung and changbin, he was australian, and that the color green really spoke to his soul for some reason he could not understand

“just dye your hair green then” you had joked, to which he responded with “bet!”

and the next night, your glove-covered hands were covered in green as you rubbed them around in chris’s hair.

he told u that his friends kept calling him broccoli chan and that he thought about punching jisung for a long time but he liked it a lot

u felt a sense of pride that u did the hair that chris liked!! yes!! go u!!

as the weeks went on, you and chris only got closer and closer.

and your feelings grew and grew.

at first, you just brushed it off as spending so much time together

but when he spent a few days at changbin’s to finish a few tracks, u found yourself missing him >:(

u missed his stupid broccoli hair and his stupid smile and his stupid giggle and his stupid dad jokes that DIDN’T EVEN MAKE ANY SENSE-

oh no!

u liked chris

now what?

u pretend u don’t and just deal with it on ur own bc confessing is for PUSSIES.

like?? what if he rejected u?? y’all LIVED together- it would be so awkward.

and when he came home u pretended that u DIDN'T miss him

even when he got all up in ur grill like “did u miss me?? u lil cutie i bet u did”

yeah chris is like that

once he was comfortable with u he decided to voice the thoughts he had about u

u stumble into the kitchen after just waking up, messy hair and half-closed eyes?

“UR SO CUTE WOW!!!”

u come home from class super pissed off and pouty?

“HOW ARE U SO ADORABLE??”

well….not all of his thoughts.

he didn’t tell you that he thought about you before going to sleep.

he didn’t tell you that every night, he debated getting up and going to your room, which was just across the hall, and climbing into your bed and cuddling you to death.

he didn’t tell you that every time you were stressing about taking a test or turning in an essay, he just wanted to kiss you and make all your stress disappear.

so basically, he was #whipped

ugh, mutual pining, we love that!

so who does he tell?

no one, dummy

he tells his lyric book!

look at u, getting songs written about u and shit

but one day, jisung found said lyric book.

“oooooh!!!!! who is the target of our channie’s affections??” he had squealed, quickly reading over chris’s scribbled text.

“JISUNG YOU WHORE GIVE IT BACK.”

but jisung - that whore - wasn’t very good at listening. he started rapping what chan had written, even though they were just lyrics without a melody.

“NO you BUFFOON you’re not supposed to RAP it’s a pretty ACOUSTIC song don’t you listen to ed sheeran >:(“

“haha she ran.”

“you fool.”

after minutes of struggling, chris YANKED his lyric book back from the buffoon, shoving it deep into his backpack.

“well you write lyrics about your boyfriend so what’s so weird about THIS?”

“we know who jisung’s boyfriend is but we don’t know who you’re writing about.” changbin stated, not even looking up from his phone.

“it’s uh...my roommate-”

“how cliche-”

“jisung you literally bumped into your boyfriend in the hallway and spilled your coffee on him. you’re the king of cliches. let the man speak.”

ok

changbin snapped?

“um yeah it’s my roommate. y/n. they’re just….i dunno….really cool and nice and cute and...make me feel things i haven’t felt before yeah.”

jisung and changbin shared a look.

“like? butterflies in your stomach and your head’s in the clouds and you feel on top of the world when you’re with them?”

“yeah? and what about it?”

another look.

“interesting.”

jisung quickly delivered this information to his boyfriend, hyunjin.

who just so happened!

to be your ex-roommate.

so he, of course, told you.

“you’re kidding, right?” you asked, not even looking at your laptop screen where hyunjin’s goofy smile was.

“no! jisung had a hard time getting it all out, chris was being so romantic. he couldn’t look me in the eyes for like 20 minutes after.” hyunjin was looking down at his cuticles, his feet propped up on his desk.

since he moved out, this is how you guys talked the most

go over to his new place? no thanks!

jisung was a cool guy but .. he was a slob and you didn’t want to be around that energy

“so. he likes me back.”

“yes- WAIT BACK??? Y/N Y/LN YOU NEVER TOLD ME THIS? WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN BACK-”

“sorry jinnie i think the door’s about to open. you should probably sort out that weird no eye contact thing with jisung haha love you bye!” you quickly ended the call, breathing out a sigh of relief.

the door opening was just an excuse, but then the front door opened.

(soulmate culture! thanks)

you popped your head out from around a corner, sending a smile to your roommate.

“hello, love of my life.”

“hello, Christopher.”

“ouch?”

you giggled, “i’m just kidding,” you moved from your spot and plopped down on the couch next to chris, moving your body so you were facing the broccoli-haired boy.

“sooooo…..any interesting conversations today?”

real smooth, y/n. real smooth.

“excuse me?”

“you know...any conversations about roommates that make your heart do flippy things?”

“i’m going to kill jisung.”

“please don’t. if it wasn’t for his big mouth, i might’ve never had the confidence to do this.”

“what is ‘th-’” but he was cut off

by your lips

on his

fun, right?

your hand was so soft on his cheek

and your lips were soft too

he was kind of going insane

this was pure bliss for him

but hey, people gotta breathe

and you, the non-rapper, had to pull away first

you smiled at him, and he was reminded of your first meeting

you were flushed again, and your smile was still so gentle

his heart was pounding, and he didn’t know if it would ever stop

so after giving you a few seconds to breathe, he pulled you in again

he had an inkling he would never get tired of the feeling

everything about you was so soft, so delicate

he handled you like glass

chris was always meticulous, and it was obvious in the way he kissed you.

this time, he pulled away, only to press a soft kiss to your forehead.

“so uhhh...do i like called you my boyfriend now or?”

he laughed. it was the most beautiful sound.

“yeah, i would like that a lot.”

that night, chris followed you into your bed.

and he held you and let the steady pounding of his heart lull you to sleep.

and he fell asleep to the sound of your breathing.

and the next morning, he was the first to wake.

but he used those few minutes before you woke up to just admire you.

when you woke up, he just smiled down at you, “hey.”

your sleepy smile was the prettiest thing he had ever seen.

“hey, boyfriend.”

[thenightling]

My horror dislikes list

I love horror, particularly Gothic Horror as a genre. However there are certain common types of horror or sub-genres of horror I don’t really care for.  Just because I don’t like it, it doesn’t mean I don’t understand it or can’t appreciate that others might like it.    This is just my personal opinion and I mean no offense to anyone.  And some of what I may list will be controversial to some.   Bear that in mind.  Horror that I don't care for:

1.  This one is probably the most controversial so I’ll list it first. 

Most controversial:  H. P. Lovecraft.   It's not that he is "too wordy" or "long winded." (Never insult me like that.)  It's not that I "don't get it."  It’s not that he uses “archaic language.”  (These are real things people have assumed when I tell them I don’t like Lovecraft).  I just feel he's overrated.  I don't like his antisemitism, which was considered extreme by 1930s American standards.  And I don't like how he's credited with creating certain concepts that weren't really his doing.  His ideas about long sleeping ancient / forgotten Gods or Old Ones can be found as early as Goethe's Faust Part 2, if not earlier.   Other authors that had similar ideas before Lovecraft include George MacDonald, author of Lilith.     Sometimes I like when other people adapt Lovecraft.  I liked Neil Gaiman’s A Study in Emerald.  I liked the origin of Morpheus’ helm in Sandman: Overture (also Neil Gaiman).  I liked the two episodes of The Real Ghostbusters animated series inspired by Lovecraft.  I even like the spoof Lil Cthulhu.  But I’m just not a big fan of actual H. P. Lovecraft. This doesn’t mean I haven’t read it.  Nor does it mean I don’t understand it.  And I do appreciate his influence on pop culture.  I just feel he’s overrated.       2.  I don't like Rob Zombie movies.  It's all the same to me.  Boring, grimy, sweaty, eldgelordy- full of overused modern tropes like flickering lights, jump scares, and "I haven't showered in a month" antagonists.  He sucked the supernatural out of Halloween and there's nothing truly distinct about any of his films.  It's just a style that doesn't appeal to me. 3.   CG.  I love practical effects.  Most CG is lazy, cartoonish, and doesn't look like it's really there.  I know it can look realistic and gorgeous at time but most horror films don’t take that route.  Most horror directors use it lazily. There’s a Night of the Living dead 4 or 5 by the Syfy Channel where a manhole cover is clearly CG.  Why did a manhole cover have to be CG?!  And there’s CG blood in Spartacus: Blood and Sand, which is very distracting because it looks like jello flying at the camera.  The werewolves in An American werewolf in Paris are already dated and very fake looking yet the transformation in An American Werewolf in London still gets to people today.  The werewolves in An American werewolf in Paris didn't even look real by 90s standards.  They looked like beasts that escaped Who Framed Roger Rabbit.   In the Fright Night remake there's a scene where a windshield shatters in front of Amy's face and she screams on que but she doesn't flinch or blink, making it very clear the glass isn't really there.  Had it been sugar glass or ice to give the effect, there would have been a natural flinch.  I feel practical effects, if you can't guess how it was done, can be more unnerving and the reactions seem more real.  That's why some 80s fantasy is more unnerving for kids than some modern horror.    4.  Jump scares.  Jump scares are lazy.  Being startled is not the same as being afraid.  And when they add a musical chord to accompany the scare it's like idiot proofing ot say "This is where you should react."   The only jump scare that ever worked on me was when I was twelve-years-old watching Interview with the vampire.  Louis says "It's the carriage." and he goes down to the door. And you know damn good and well it's not the carriage.  He opens the door, there's no one there.   You know it's coming, but when he turns his head and Lestat's hand grabs his throat, I jumped the first time I saw that.  I knew it was coming.  But I still jumped.   To me a good scare is when it creeps in and crawls under your skin. When I was watching Let the Right One In I remembered thinking “Ah, this isn’t so scary.” and it was at the part where Eli climbs up the side of the hospital.  It was snowy outside, just as it was in the movie, and late at night.  And at that moment the power went out. For a split second (It was only a second) I thought “Oh, crap!  Vampire child’s gonna get me!”   And I was a grown woman in 2008.  I was twenty-six-years-old. Another incident that made me realize just how scary Gothic horror truly is was when I was watching a History Channel show about the real Castle Dracula.  And it mentioned the locals seeing mysterious lights and noises up in the castle so some priests were sent to bless the place.  A storm came in suddenly and the priests had to do the blessing from a distance.  (This was Poenari castle, not Bran.  Bran is used for tourists.  Poenari is where Vlad spent most of his time but it’s considered unsafe).  And as I watched this I remembered that storm summoning was supposed to be one of the vampire Dracula’s powers. At that moment the door creaked open And I practically leapt out of my skin.   That’s when I knew Dracula is actually scary.

I also had a nightmare once about being a werewolf in the style of The wolfman. In the dream I blacked out during the transformation and then suddenly it was hours or a day later and I knew I must have done something terrible and I found loved ones slaughtered.   I remember the guilt in that dream and I knew The Wolfman had reached me on a level most horror doesn’t, on a fear of what it must be like to be like him.           My most recent experience with a truly good sense of my skin crawling horror was watching an episode of DC Universe's Swamp Thing. A child is possessed with the ghost of Abby Arcane's dead childhood friend.   She's been singing their old song and acting ...well, weird.   "If you're her than prove it?"  She is smiling menacingly.  It looks like she'll do nothing.  Abby turns to walk away.  This is where most jump scares happen.  But it doesn't.  As she nears the door it slams shut but that isn't the end of it.  It's not just a stupid psych out jump scare the way most horror movies do now.  Instead the whole atmosphere of the room changes.  Everything becomes damp.  The lighting dims.   Everything becomes slightly off-kilter or "wrong" like in a nightmare.  It was so atmospheric, so spooky... It was the best Gothic horror moment I had seen in literally years.  I had goosebumps.  5.   The polarization of vampire fiction triggered by the Twilight fad.  Thankfully this is dying now.   But for a while vampires were divided into two styles.  The broody, whiny emo, or the mindless killing machine AKA "the Shark with legs."   I missed the balance of charming and charismatic, but also predatory.  I missed the likes of Frank Langella as Dracula and Chris Sarandon as Jerry Dandridge. The Fright Night remake was disappointing for this reason.  I hate that vampires rarely shapeshift now.  I hate the nerfing of their powers.   And I hate that Jerry's human-side was erased as a reactionary response to be anti-Twilight.   It ruined the remake for me.  6.   Ghosts that movie like a broken VHS tape.  The jerking movement ghosts of ghosts that suddenly flicker or spasm and suddenly are a few stepped forward without actually moving...  This works in Ringu / The Ring because she IS a damaged VHS tape but in other ghost stories it doesn't really work for me.  it takes me out of the story and I notice it's following a trend. 7.    Torture porn.   Pity, and gross-out is not fear.  It's like how that game show / reality show  "Fear Factor" confused fear with disgust. "eat these random cow pies" isn't fear, folks.   Actually Torture porn kind of bores me . I don't feel fear.  It's just drawn out mutilation and torture.  I may feel pity for the character or be disgusted by the graphic mutilations but I'm not afraid of it.  And it's lazy and cheap.  8.   Next on Lazy and cheap...  Found footage.  I HATE found footage movies.   Shaky cam and screams into a camera don't do it for me.  And they all feel the same.    9.   Most Zombie Apocalypse movies.  Most recent Zombie apocalypse movies bore me.    There are a few exceptions like the original Night of the Living Dead, which, at the time it was made was unique and atmospheric but many zombie films attempt to imitate it and it becomes bland and formulaic.   I also liked Return of the Living Dead because it was one of the first Zombie Apocalypse movies.  It hadn’t yet become dull and predictable to me that everyone huddles together and it becomes more and more futile until there is no one left or it’s utterly hopeless.  And so as things became repetitive I started to dislike the ‘zombie apocalypse genre.”   Exceptions include Night of the Living Dead and Return of the Living Dead.  I also like the original White Zombie and I walked with a Zombie but those are pre-Zombie Apocalypse.   There are a few zombie films I like that aren’t that scary but I like them because they are different.  Those include “My boyfriend’s back.”  (Daddy, I love him!”  “He’s a zombie, you freakin’ idiot!”  I love that line).    And Warm Bodies.   And please don’t use Warm Bodies to discredit my status as a horror fan.  I just like it because it’s different.  First, R isn’t that bad of a protagonist.  He’s more well developed than Edward Cullen and he spends half the movie eating the brains of the dead boyfriend of the girl he’s pining for, carrying bits of brain in his pocket.  There’s no sugar coating that.   Also it’s one of the few zombie apocalypse movies to have a happy ending.  Yeah, it’s sappy and a bit hamhanded bu tit has a sweet message.  Sometimes it’s okay to like sweet.

 10.   Remakes that suck the supernatural out of a supernatural story.  I’m tired of gritty.  I’m tired of “grounded in reality.”  The supernatural is scary because it is unknown.  In the case of Child’s Play, a hacked AI doesn’t seem as creepy to me as a soul of a serial killer seeking a new host body. Also the cynical part of me suspects the “grounding in reality” is a direct ploy to get a release in China, which does not like supernatural content in American import movies. This is part of why Disney / Marvel has been downplaying Marvel’s supernatural side.  I miss supernatural horror.   I’m tired of remakes literally sucking out the soul.  

11. Bonus: Anything based on a “true case” by The Warrens.  I believe in the paranormal.   I respect paranormal research but The Warrens were known con artists, even among paranormal researchers.   If you look at most of their haunted house cases there’s a particular formula.  Woman moves into dream home with loving, Catholic family. Weird things slowly start to happen. The husband is skeptical / getting possessed.  The wife goes to the church for help.  The priests can’t help or nothing happens in front of them.   Desperate she attends a Warrens lecture.  Never fear, The Warrens are here!  And lo’ and behold, the house is full of demons!  Demons only The Warrens know how to Handle.  This happens in The Haunted (Not to be confused with The Haunting), it happens in Gave Secrets: the story of Black Hope Cemetery and pretty much every other haunted house story they got involved in.   They made book and TV movie deals and later bigger Hollywood movie deals.  Now half the horror and Parapsychology world thinks they were demonology heroes and not the con artists who once ‘exorcised a werewolf” (Look it up.)  I am not a fan of The Warrens.

[kimnamjooonz]

Blank Space - Episode 12

Flawless

Songs used in this chapter:

Flawless - Beyonce

Just A Girl - No Doubt (because I’ve been obsessing with this song since watching Captain Marvel)

'You wake up, flawless. Post up, flawless. Ride round in it, flawless. Flossing on that, flawless. This diamond, flawless. My diamond, flawless. This rock, flawless. My rock, flawless. I woke up like this.''

'I can't believe you did this'' Luke was on the verge of a mental breakdown after seeing the state of Morgan's last night dress. ''A thousand dollar Zuhair Murad dress stained with grass and beer. This is a hate crime.'' Morgan didn't say anything. She just sipped her coffee and made a mocking face. Her team was getting her ready to the red carpet of the Toronto Film Festival. She was wrapped in a robe, covering her gown, so it didn't get stained with foundation or lipstick. ''Last night was a total mess for us.'' Lucas moaned. He was the only one who wasn't doing anything. ''Your little show with Sebastian has Taylor climbing the walls back in New York.'' Morgan was tired of being blamed for something that hasn't been her fault at all. Taylor had called her that morning and shouted at her for ten minutes. She accused Morgan of being an irresponsible idiot and that she couldn't be left alone for five minutes without creating havoc. ''It wasn't my fault!'' she yelled. ''It was Sebastian's fault. He grabbed my hand, I had no idea about it! But, of course, it's always the woman's fault! We can never win! I don't know why Taylor thinks I'm some sort of man eater. At least the press doesn't agree with her.'' ''Keep calm!'' hissed Shontelle. ''I'm trying to wave your hair.'' ''The press is too busy planning your wedding'' said Lucas. ''And his fans are over the moon.'' Morgan tried to hide her satisfaction. It wasn't hard. She had only to remember Taylor's earful to ruin her mood. And she hadn't seen Sebastian in all day as he had been busy going through every press conference that was possible. One included a photoshoot with a puppy, that had melt Morgan's heart. But now it was the main act of the show, and Morgan had no idea what could happen. Knowing Sebastian, anything. He had no shame. Thinking about the devil, Morgan got out of her brooding mood when she heard knocks on the door. ''I go'' mumbled Lucas, knowing perfectly well who it was. There was Sebastian, ready to leave, looking devastatingly handsome, in a black velvet suit. ''You cropped me out of last night's pictures!'' was the first thing he said. ''And?'' by her face, she wasn't even sorry. ''It's my Instagram, I post what the hell I want to. And I looked great in that dress.'' That gave Luke an excuse to talk. ''A dress that you ruined! And don't even know what were you two doing last night, but today I dressed you in Alexander McQueen so don't you dare doing the same thing. If you two want to have sex, don't do it on the grass, just wait a couple of minutes and do it on the room so you won't ruin the dress.'' Morgan just looked resigned. In the course of one morning she had got used to the endless doses of teasing. But she preferred the teasing rather than Taylor's accusations of immorality. ''We weren't... doing that'' Sebastian blushed. ''We were eating pizza under a tree on the park.'' Somehow, that was more incredible because it was almost impossible that Sebastian and Morgan could stand each other for so long to finish a couple of pizzas. ''Yeah, whatever'' mumbled Luke. ''Just don't do it again.'' ''Always with the man eater narrative!'' Morgan suddenly exploded, surprising Sebastian. ''Why do you always have to think about sex? I really don't want to get him into my bed!'' she pointed at Sebastian. Lucas wanted to laugh. Maybe she didn't want that in the present but in the past, that was on her bucket list. ''Woah, thank you very much'' Sebastian groaned. ''Just shut up!'' Morgan yelled, throwing a make up sponge at him. ''Calm down! Is she okay?'' a worried Sebastian asked Lucas. ''Yeah, she just drank coffee with almost no food, that's why she's a little cranky. And Taylor called her out so she's a bit mad at that too.'' ''And it was your fault!'' Morgan yelled again. This time she didn't have anything close to throw at him. ''Tell me that at least you got yelled by your agent, please!'' Sebastian almost felt guilty to tell the truth to Morgan. ''Well... no'' he admitted. ''Emily was over the moon. She congratulated me for getting some sense into my head. She was a bit disappointed when I told her that we weren't really dating and I just grabbed your hand in a reckless and stupid move. But she didn't think that it was stupid. And Damien is also really happy, that's what Emily said. He's probably dancing, around the studio.'' Morgan looked defeated. It seemed that everyone minus Taylor thought that Sebastian's move was a marketing masterpiece. He, who was having more and more recognition every day, was being pictured holding hands in a very public way with his co-star, Hollywood's hottest newcomer, who had just covered Vogue and was rumoured to be walking in this year's Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. Yes, they were a couple to remember. And about his girlfriend, well... no one seemed to care. Maybe they would have, if she were a celebrity too but... she wasn't. That made Morgan felt a little bad (not too much, after all her fangirl feelings were still there) but at the same time, that was not her fault. Florence should have known in what she was getting herself into when she had decided to date Sebastian. The media was ruthless and Hollywood was even worse. And the fans were the icing to the cake. And someone like Sebastian was always going to be linked with her co-stars, if not Morgan, someone else. That was the way it was and if Florence couldn't handle it, that was not Morgan's responsibility at all. She had to continue doing what she needed to do and she couldn't stop to spare the feelings of a woman she hardly knew. ''I still don't understand why Taylor can't see the bright side of the picture'' Morgan seemed to have calmed down a bit. ''Because she's a nice and honest woman who still thinks that morality can win in this industry.'' she was expecting Lucas to answer but instead Sebastian did it. ''Emily was the same at the beginning of my career, until we noticed that if we wanted to get somewhere we had to play dirty sometimes.'' ''That's the way it is'' she said, with no emotion in her face. She stood up taking off her robe on the process only to reveal the beautiful silver dress she was wearing. She looked like a dream. ''Let's go'' she ordered Sebastian. ''Okay...'' he was quite distracted, looking at Morgan. ''You look, really good.'' he didn't want to be that evident in front of Morgan's team. ''Thank you'' she mumbled. ''Hey, you're forgetting the jewellery,'' Luke placed some delicate rings on her fingers that matched with her diamond earrings. ''Please, don't ruin the dress this time.'' he begged. Morgan left the room and Sebastian followed her, almost tripping on the way out. ''Are you okay?'' he asked. ''Yes.'' she nodded. ''And how was the press junket?'' ''I was expecting worse, to be honest. And they handed me a puppy and it was so adorable. He fell asleep on me, it was the cutest thing ever. I wanted to bring him with me.'' Morgan, who had seen the pictures, agreed with him: it was the cutest thing ever. The puppy and Sebastian. She tried to hide the soft expression in her face. ''That was probably adorable.'' she simply said. ''Maybe I get a puppy once I get to New York. I already have half the custody of a cat but I'm not allowed to see him.'' ''Don't give yourself attributions. Thirteen is mine.'' ''I literally found him.'' he had a playful smile and she just rolled her eyes at him. The car was already waiting for them when they left the hotel. Sebastian helped Morgan to get in the car and for once she didn't refuse it. He was moving his arms at the rhythm of the pop song that was being played, even if he didn't know the name of it. That made Morgan smile and a second later she was 'dancing' just like him. They weren't saying a word to each other but dancing was enough, it was enjoyable for them both. Sebastian didn't want to arrive to the place at all. He was wildly thinking about skipping the festival only to keep Morgan in a good mood. ''Damn, it's raining'' she looked through the window. ''It seems that we won't be able to run away tonight''. Morgan just shook her head. She was actually lamenting not being able to repeat last night's adventure. But that didn't mean that there was not going to be another type of adventure. Who knew. ''Here we are.'' he said. The place was full of fans of his, that was quite obvious because the majority of them had signs with his picture in it. No one seemed to care about Kit Harington, Chris Pine or anyone else. Sebastian was the star of the show and Morgan was sure that he was not going to disappoint. Morgan was thinking that if it wasn't for the crazy chance she had had at being able to play the lead role in a famous movie, she would have been one of the fans, waiting for Sebastian under the rain. And now she had the guy basically all to herself and there were days she wanted to send him back to Romania and lock him up there. Crazy how her life had changed. He helped Morgan to get off and immediately both of them were surrounded by security and photographers. In the blink of an eye, a guy taller than Morgan was holding an umbrella over his head. Before no one could notice, Sebastian had freed himself from the horde of security and was about to cross the street to meet his fans. Morgan had been right, he was not going to disappoint. ''Hey, where are you going?'' a big, bulky man asked him. But Sebastian didn't even answer and ran towards his fans, with his own umbrella guy running after him. ''These stars...'' the bulky man mumbled, quite annoyed. Morgan let herself be guided by someone from the organization, always with a kind and polite expression. On the way to the red carpet she kept waving and people with a big smile on her face. It was surprising how many people were cheering for her. She felt incredibly great and grateful. At some point she followed Sebastian's example and freed herself from the security guards to take pictures, sign some autographs and talk a bit with the fans. The bulky security guard looked like he hated his job. Finally Morgan arrived to the red carpet and the flashes only intensified. She was freezing but being the professional she was, she never let it show in her face. She just did all the poses she was asked and the photographers were pretty happy with her. Finally, the pictures were over and it was the turn of talking with the press. She had no idea what they were going to ask her when had no movie screening there and was just Sebastian's plus one. She was still thinking what she was going to say when a reporter from Entertainment Tonight intercepted her. ''Miss Llewellyn, can we have a word?'' he asked her. ''Of course.'' ''Great'' he motioned something to the camera man. ''Three, two, one, recording. Morgan, tell us, as a newcomer, what are you looking forward the most at this year's TIFF?'' ''Nicole Kidman of course.'' she said with a pleasant smile and a soft laugh. ''I really want to meet her and I swear I'm not going to fangirl over her. I'm going to compose myself.'' Morgan was internally thanking the interviewer for not asking what the hell was she doing there. ''And The American Dream premiere's at next year's TIFF, are you excited for this?'' ''I can't wait. But we have to finish filming and we still have a long way too go. Initially, it was going to premiere at Cannes but Damien decided to premiere at Toronto because usually, the movies screening here have more chances at the award's season. That's Damien Chazelle's thinking, not mine.'' she excused herself, laughing. ''I guess he knows best'' ''Yeah'' Morgan agreed with the reporter. ''He has an Oscar and this year he's going for the second. He's premiering First Man next week at the Venice Film Festival, that I'm not invited to, which is a pity because I always wanted to go to Venice.'' She and the reporter laughed. ''Is there a reason you're coming with Sebastian tonight?'' Of course he had to be mentioned in the interview. ''I'm just here rooting for a cast mate'' she simply said. But lately she decided to add a tiny bit of spice to her answer. ''Not really,'' she winked at the camera, making sure everyone noticed that what she was going to say was sarcastic. ''I think he didn't have anyone to come with him so I'm doing him a favour by being here. The deal was that he was going to introduce me to Nicole Kidman.'' Morgan and the reporter laughed again. ''Wow, that's quite the exchange... and which movie do you think is going to shine?'' That question gave Morgan more cues to be cheeky. ''Well, I'm supposing to root for Sebastian but I want to piss him off so, I'm going to go for Beautiful Boy, starring my almost co-star Timothee Chalamet. Get that boy an Oscar, once and for all!'' Morgan wasn't joking because she considered Timothee a wonderful actor but not even in an alternate universe she was going to choose him over Sebastian. ''That was a bold statement. And one more that has nothing to do with this if you will excuse me... everyone is really curious about you walking in the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. Is there some true to these rumours?'' ''Not really.'' she admitted. ''I think that it was an Internet joke that got out of hand. And I watched how hard the models have to work out to get ready for the show and it's just painful to someone like me. I just work out four hours a week. Maybe I dress as an angel for Halloween, who knows.'' Yes, an angel, thought Morgan, but a weeping angel from Doctor Who. ''Thank you, Morgan for your time.'' Morgan just politely smiled, nodded and went on her way through the red carpet until she was stopped again, this time by someone from the organisation. ''Miss Llewellyn, please, I beg you, can you go back and take some pictures with Mr. Stan? The photographers are basically demanding to have some pictures of you two together.'' Morgan followed him without protesting. She knew that she could do nothing about it as if she dared to deny to take pictures with him it would result in media speculation, Damien Chazelle displeased and sending both of them to do some PR plot again, and both of their agents furious. Taking pictures with him was the easy way out. ''Where were you?'' he asked her when she joined him on the red carpet. ''Giving an interview. Now, let's get on with this.'' This time it was Morgan who grabbed his hand to guide him in front of the photographs who were frantically snapping pictures. They looked absolutely gorgeous together. Morgan's beauty was enhanced by Sebastian's classic movie star aura and handsomeness. They were a couple to die for. ''Kiss her, Sebastian!'' shouted a photographer. Morgan leaned in only to whisper something in his ear. ''If you do that, I swear I'm going to punch you in the face, right here in front of everyone'' He nodded. He wasn't planning to kiss Morgan in front of a horde of people. Yes, he was guilty of wanting to kiss her more than once and that had left him with an almost unbearable feeling of guilt afterwards. Sebastian just did the most politically correct thing in which he could think and looked at Morgan with an enchanted smile and she, thankfully, did exactly the same. The photographers were happy and they could finally leave. He grabbed Morgan by the waist and took her away. ''At least is over. Now, let's get in. We have to mingle with the people and I have the panel of my movie''. ''Am I going to meet Nicole Kidman? Because that's the only reason I'm here.'' ''Wow, thank you for your support, Llewellyn.'' ''C'mon'' she shot him a hard glance. ''You've gone to plenty of events by yourself, Sebastian. I don't know what's that current obsession of yours of going to every event with me.'' ''It was not my idea, it was Damien's'' He may be blaming Damien but he was blushing at the same time. Morgan was aware that they were attracting all the glances by some reason. It wasn't as if this whole event revolved around them, as there were many actors with longer careers than theirs that were also promoting their movies. ''Let's stay here for a little while'' Sebastian pulled Morgan to a corner that was a little hidden from the people. ''I'm quite overwhelmed by so many people'' he took his phone out of his pocket because it was beeping. He glanced at it, reading the notifications. ''Hey!'' he looked at Morgan, with an almost outraged expression. ''Why do you want Beautiful Boy to shine? I thought you were my date.'' Well, her recent interview had spread fast and also... did Sebastian have the notifications of her latest news on his phone? ''Yeah, because I had no other option. And I may be your date but that doesn't mean that I have to be your number one fan. You have hundreds of people who do this job right outside, believe me I'm not one of them.'' She was not going to admit that she had been one of them. ''You're always so sweet, Llewellyn.'' she left the hidden corner and he followed her. ''Are you like this with everyone or only with me?'' ''Only with people that annoy me'' she blatantly said. ''When you're in a normal mood I sort of like you.'' ''And what is a 'normal mood'? this time he was genuinely curious. ''Like last night. Talking about deep stuff instead of this nonesensical blabbering.'' ''I can say the same'' Sebastian started to justify himself. ''I really like you when you lay down your armor and stop throwing sarcastic arrows at me for no reason at....'' Suddenly he stopped talking, made a strange sound and hid behind Morgan, who wasn't a difficult task considering that when she was wearing heels, she was taller than him. ''What on earth is going on? Did you see Voldemort walking to you?'' ''Just please, do me a favor and don't stop walking until we crossed that door.'' She did exactly the opposite and stopped. ''But why are you hiding? Have you offended someone? Did you steal their girlfriends?'' ''No! But Jennifer is there and I don't really want her to see me.'' ''Jennifer Lawrence?'' Morgan frantically looked around. ''Because if you're talking about Jennifer Anniston, let me freak out.'' or it also may be Jennifer Conelly or Jennifer Garner. What Morgan had no idea was what on earth any of them had to do with Sebastian. ''Anyway, whoever you're talking about probably knows that you're here. I mean, we've been on the red carpet two minutes ago and news spread fast.'' He knew that Morgan was right. ''Please, Morgan, she's my ex girlfriend'' ''Oh... that Jennifer.'' of course Morgan knew about her and, yes, she had been jealous. But Jennifer Morrison was, hands down, her favorite of Sebastian's former girlfriends. ''And you're hiding? Can this be more pathetic?'' she teased him. ''What did you do to the poor girl? Did you rob her house? Did you kidnapped her cat?'' she shot him a meaningful glance. ''I mean, you're taking attributions with my cat and the only thing that link us is a role in a movie.'' ''Shut up, Morgan and keep walking.'' ''I refuse'' she stood there with her arms crossed. ''I'm not being your accomplice in your cowardice. Hiding of an ex girlfriend... I didn't know you were still in high school, Sebastian.'' ''I just didn't want to find her here'' he tried to hid behind Morgan again, which was useless because Morgan immediately turned around. ''And that's not my problem. By the way, I'm going to go and say hi to her because I really like her'' Sebastian grabbed her arm, trying to stop her. ''I warn you, Sebastian. Better stop acting like an immature teenager and walk.'' but Sebastian wasn't moving. ''Okay, I'm not saying hi to her. I'll do it in another time. Happy?'' he nodded. ''Now walk.'' Everyone was going pretty well until Sebastian decided to be an idiot and hid himself against Morgan again when they were passing in front of Jennifer. With no shame she grabbed him by the arm and made him walk in front of her, not caring about they looked at that moment. If Sebastian wanted to hide, he could do it, but not using Morgan as a human shield. ''Sebastian?'' someone asked and Morgan knew perfectly well who that was. Morgan just wanted to laugh. Seeing Sebastian Stan trying to hide from an ex girlfriends was priceless. ''Hi, Jennifer'' he wrapped his arm around Morgan shoulders, to make sure she didn't sneak away, that was exactly what she was planning to do as she had caught a glimpse of Nicole Kidman. ''Nice to see you.'' Morgan rolled her eyes, twenty seconds ago he was hiding from her. ''By the way, this is Morgan, my gir...'' ''Co-star!'' Morgan basically yelled, guessing his intentions. ''Which means that after finishing the movie and the promotion I don't have to see him anymore.'' Jennifer didn't know if Morgan was being sarcastic or she really couldn't wait to get rid of Sebastian. ''Nice to meet you, Morgan. I heard a lot about you.'' Jennifer had seen Morgan on Instagram, at the cover of Vogue and literally everywhere where Chanel makeup was being sold. But talking to the real life version of Morgan was quite a challenge because she had an intimidating vibe that made it hard to talk to her with coherent words. ''I saw your Vogue cover, it was really great.'' Morgan expression changed to an innocent smile. It was as if someone had switched sarcastic Morgan with her nicer, sweeter twin. She suddenly looked approachable and even kind. ''Really? Thank you! It was my first cover so I don't know if I did it right.'' ''Believe me, you did. And how is working with Sebastian?'' And... sarcastic Morgan was back. It was noticeable in her facial expression that went from cute and innocent to condescending. Jennifer couldn't believe how fast could someone change her whole personality. ''An... spectacular experience'' every word was soaked in sarcasm. ''Thank you very much.'' Sebastian whispered to her. In his opinion working with Morgan was not that bad. Yes, at the beginning they were at each other's throats all of the time but now things were getting better. ''You're welcome.'' she winked to Sebastian. ''Now, if you will excuse me, I'll leave. A pleasure to meet you, Jennifer.'' and for once, Morgan was being honest. ''Likewise'' Jennifer didn't know what to think of Morgan but she didn't dislike her. She had a peculiar personality, that was all. ''Where are you going?'' Sebastian stopped her, grabbing her arm. She slapped his hand away. Was he trying to control her? ''None of your business''. She walked away with a perfect model-like catwalk. It was impossible not to stare at her. ''Feisty, isn't she?'' Jennifer asked. ''She's like trying to tame a wildcat.'' He didn't take his eyes off Morgan, who was talking to Elizabeth Olsen. Then Chris Pine approached her and that was when Sebastian decided that he needed to interfere. ''Okay, I need to go. See you later''. ''Hey, wait! Be careful with her, okay? Don't suffocate her because you just said that she was like a wildcat so, that means that she can scratch you back and it's not going not going to be nice.'' ''Why are you saying this?'' for once he took his sight away from Morgan and looked at Jennifer. ''Because I'm the only one of your ex-girlfriends that still talks to you. I know that relationships are not your strong point and it doesn't seem that someone as free spirited as Morgan Llewellyn is going to be the solution to that problem.'' He thought for a second but as always, his heart got the best of him. ''She's just my co-star'' his sad smiled revealed that he wasn't happy of having that status. ''Whatever you say'' for Jennifer it was pretty evident that Sebastian wasn't just simply attracted to Morgan but he was slowly and almost unnoticeably falling for her. Sebastian walked towards Morgan that was still talking to Elizabeth and Chris Pine. ''Morgan... we should get going. Oh, hi Liz! And... Pine.'' He offered his hand to Morgan who surprisingly took it, without making a fuss. ''See you later'' she said Elizabeth and Chris and Sebastian just winked at them. What Jennifer had told him was stuck in his head. Maybe he was being too suffocating with her and she was just fighting back. And he was suddenly remembering that he had started all the fights with her, from arriving late in their first meeting, then calling her 'overnight success', something that had deeply offended her and then being a bit dense with her, like the time when she was peacefully talking to Chris Evans and he had crashed the moment. After all, he didn't know who Morgan really was inside that hard shell of her. The only way to do it was with patience and gentleness, showing her that she could trust him but not with words but with actions. ''Morgan...''he ran his thumb on her knuckles. ''I don't know if I told you before but... you look beautiful.'' ''Thank you'' She had a smile he hadn't seen on her before. It wasn't her usual condescending or ultra confident smile but one full of simplicity that somehow made her look a hundred times more beautiful. Somehow he knew that this smile belonged to the real Morgan, the one who was hidden inside her shell. And he didn't like it. He loved it. ''I'm sorry if I somehow involved you in my mess... yeah, I know, Jennifer is great but I didn't want to see her. We didn't end up badly but my reasons were quite embarrassing.'' he didn't know why he was telling that to Morgan. ''I still feel quite... I don't know...'' ''Ashamed?'' ''Yeah'' he admitted. ''We were better off as friends, I suppose.'' once he started talking it was almost impossible to stop. ''I mean, our relationship was fine... but it wasn't exciting.'' Morgan couldn't believe that she was getting all that information. ''Is the same with Florence. She's a great woman but there's no fire and she's not... nothing.'' He was about to say 'She's not you' in front of Morgan herself and that was the worst thing that could ever happen to him. Morgan would never let him be after that and the guilt he was already feeling was going to consume him. But for once Morgan didn't look condescending but rather a bit sympathetic. ''I'm a bit sorry for you. It seems that you've got no one to talk if you're confessing this stuff to me.'' But inside her head the only things she could hear were sirens, provoked by what he had just confessed. So, he wasn't happy in his relationship... Take that, Taylor! It wasn't Morgan's fault at all, after all. He was simply dating the wrong woman for God knows what reason. So, it wasn't that unreasonable that he had started looking at his beautiful co-star with other eyes. It wasn't as if Florence was a bad person or anything, quite the contrary, Morgan thought, they just weren't for each other, it was easy as that. ''Are you okay?'' he asked and Morgan realised that she had got lost in her thoughts. ''Yeah, I was just thinking that you seem to have some sort of mental block that makes you unable to do whatever you the hell you want to.'' ''Are you questioning my life choices?'' he asked. ''No'' she cheekily looked at his eyes. ''I'm just making a commentary. If I were your guardian angel I'd be banging my head against a wall at every bad choice you make. I'd probably be unconscious by now. Or dead, who knows.'' Damn Morgan Llewellyn striking straight to the wound. No one else with the exception of his mother had been so direct with him. She was honest and he loved it. ''Maybe that's the reason I'm quite a mess. And what happened to your angel, Morgan?'' ''Probably resigned when I was five. It couldn't be with me anymore. Since then I probably have a guardian demon.'' ''And that's explains a lot.'' he joked. Of course that they didn't believe in guardian angels, they were just trying to justify Sebastian's bad life choices and Morgan's questionable approach to life. ''We're quite a well matched couple. My unconscious and probably dead angel and your demon.'' ''That sounds like the plot of a cheesy and awful Young Adult book that probably Hollywood would adapt into a movie afterwards. You can act in it.'' ''No, thanks. I had enough of awful supernatural movies with The Covenant.'' ''I don't blame you'' They were easily getting well again, walking around the place, laughing at people and at themselves. That was until they finally found Nicole Kidman and Morgan was so shocked that she didn't manage to make a sound. ''Sebastian, sweetie!'' she greeted him and it was evident that Nicole held him in high esteem. ''I was looking for you. We have the panel before the screening in twenty minutes so get ready. I want you to talk, sweetie, because sometimes you stay in silence during the whole interview.'' ''But I never get anything asked! And I'm not going to interrupt when you are talking because that's rude.'' ''Okay, fair enough. I'll find a way for you to talk and you're going to do it.'' then Nicole's eyes focused on Morgan. ''Goodness... Morgan Llewellyn, I thought Sebastian was joking when he said earlier today during the press junkets that he was going to bring you as his date. It's great to finally meet you!'' ''Likewise.'' Morgan was impressed. She didn't know that Nicole Kidman was aware of her existence. ''You and Seb make a gorgeous off screen couple. I can't wait to see your on screen chemistry.'' This time Morgan didn't shout that they were just co-stars. With an angelic smile on his face she got closer to Sebastian. But he was wrong of he though that Morgan was going to lie in front of Nicole Kidman that they were a couple. She was just going to tell the truth in some other way. ''We're definitely having a good time filming the movie'' Sebastian wanted to laugh. Yes, they had had good moments on sets but they had also shouted at each other on the first day of filming. ''But Seb and I are not a couple'' Morgan looked at Nicole with puppy dog eyes, as if she were sad by the fact that Sebastian and her were not together. Sebastian almost believed her, except from the fact that he knew that Morgan was devious as hell and she could make people believe whatever she wanted. It was a great tool in the laid back relationship she had with the press. ''That's kind of disappointing.'' Nicole admitted. ''I was rooting for you two.'' 'Yeah, me too' thought Morgan. Since 2013. But life was a bitch and even though she had all the chances in the world with him, she couldn't do anything without damaging her career. She didn't want to be known as 'boyfriend stealer' and Sebastian as a cheater. Sebastian was the one who had to get out of his own mess so Morgan could do something about it. Deep inside, Sebastian agreed with Nicole. She was also rooting for him and Morgan. ''Anyway...'' Nicole decided to leave them alone. ''I have to get going. See you in twenty minutes.'' Morgan waited until Nicole was out of sight to speak. ''Oh my Gosh, she knew who I was!'' she looked like a teenager fan of some boyband member. ''This is totally crazy. I had no idea that Nicole Kidman knew of my existence.'' she grabbed Sebastian arm and looked at him with her eyes full of happiness. Sebastian had never seen her like that. ''I reacted the same way when I met her. She also knew who I was and I almost passed out. I still can't believe I got to work with her.'' ''I understand how it feels'' Morgan gave him a meaningful look. ''Working with someone you've admired for a long time.'' of course that she was referring to him but she was not going to admit it. ''That's what I felt when I worked with Ian McKellen.'' Making their way towards the theatre room should have been a very simple task but thanks to all the people that stopped them in the middle, they needed ten minutes to get there. Most of them wanted to talk to Morgan. ''You'll see that in the next months you'll have many of these people fighting to offer you roles. When our movie comes out you won't be able to live in peace. Directors will be approaching you in the craziest of places. Damien Chazelle himself got me in the bathroom of the airport the same day I was leaving to Greece.'' Morgan stopped walking. That was not the version of the story she knew. ''Wait a second... didn't you have to audition for the role? The media kept saying that you, Tom Holland and Timothee were competing for the role.'' Sebastian shook his head. ''That was a rumour that Damien himself put up there not to make that obvious that I had the role since the first day. It's true that he cast you first and he told me that you were his first option since he saw you in Lady Macbeth in 2016. Then he got a hold of you through a Juilliard woman who knew Ian McKellen. He saw all of your RADA auditions and offered you the role at the last one. Once you agreed he approached me in that bathroom and offered me the role and he told me who my co-star was and that you and I were going to set the screen on fire. He wasn't wrong. To put it simply, he had chosen us before we even knew about it.'' ''The sneaky bastard...'' Morgan couldn't believe it. ''So, I had my career saved since 2016 and I learnt about that in 2018. I went through useless auditions for TV commercials for nothing. And I didn't even got the jobs. Damn it, Damien Chazelle, you could have told me about this before.'' ''He had to wait for the green light from the studio to do the movie and that probably took him some time. And he was also directing First Manduring that time.'' ''I suppose you're right. Still, we should be even more grateful with the guy. We were Damien Chazelle's first option. Your career was going pretty well before but maybe this role gets you an Oscar nom or at least a Golden Globe. And me... well... I wasn't as glamorous six months ago and look at me now. The story tells itself.'' No matter what Morgan said, he could never imagine her being not glamorous or forgettable. It was Morgan bloody Llewellyn, the most beautiful woman he had ever seen who also had an striking personality that stood out. ''I seemed that he was shipping us before we knew about each other's existence.'' Yeah, sure, Sebastian, Morgan thought. Maybe he had had no idea who she was but Morgan had been crushing on Sebastian since 2013. ''The least thing we can do to thank him is to marry each other after we finish filming and let Damien officiate.'' Morgan joked and Sebastian looked as if he was considering the idea and actually liking it. ''I'm joking, Stan. I don't want to ever marry you. Not for a million dollars.'' L.I.A.R. Sebastian wasn't even disappointed. He knew that Morgan was going to say stuff like that but that didn't mean that they were true. ''And here I was, thinking that it was a good idea. I can book us a date in the court house for us to marry. And remember Morgan, it's for life.'' ''For the love of God, what did I do that I deserve to spent the rest of my life with you. That is what I call punishment.'' Of course that Morgan didn't believe in what she was saying but it was priceless to say stuff like that in front of Sebastian. Unfortunately for them the banter couldn't go on as Sebastian's panel was starting and he was rushed on stage and Morgan was guided to her seat. Nicole had been right when she had said that Sebastian almost never talked because he said like one sentence in the whole panel. Yeah, it was true that he was a supporting character but Morgan wanted to stand up and shout at him to talk. When the panel was over he went to seat next to Morgan. ''How did it went?'' ''Fine. I love Nicole Kidman, it's for her that I'm here, remember that.'' ''Nah, you're here for me and you know it.'' ''You wish'' and she wasn't lying this time. The only reason why she agreed with Damien's plan of her coming with Sebastian to Toronto was because she was going to meet Nicole Kidman. ''I do, to be honest. There's is going to be a day when you'll go to my events willingly and not to meet someone else.'' ''I can't see the future so I don't know what to comment.'' ''You're unbelievable'' he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pressed her against him. He went one step further and kissed her forehead. It was surprising that she didn't push him away. 

This is Morgan’s dress, without the veil thing. And yes, it’s Alexander McQueen.

P.S. @thatoneslytherinbeater gave me the idea of starting a tag list, so if you want to be in it, just like this post.

I went to see Captain Marvel and I felt so empowered afterwards, like I could do anything. I love my girl Carol Danvers and the lovely Brie Larson to pieces.

[e8luhs]

IVORY TOWER.

LISTEN ON SPOTIFY (I GUESS)

YOU KNOW THE DRILL BY NOW (last edited 04.27.19)

I. POOLS / GLASS ANIMALS

shake my little soul for you now, toy and i settle up into a world of noise i’m a man of many tricks and tools and joy with a battery of guilt on which to poise

II. KATARSIS / SHE PAST AWAY

even though it is a dream you are with me tonight inside me

III. BELA LUGOSI’S DEAD / BAUHAUS

white on white, translucent black capes back on the rack bela lugosi's dead the bats have left the bell tower, the victims have been bled red velvet lines the black box

IV. THE TOWER / VIRTUAL BOY

[instrumental]

V. ONLY AS GOOD AS MY GOD / EVERYTHING EVERYTHING

if they crawl out of the mud, wash them away in a flood i'm only as a good as my god, burnt hair and more money

VI. HERE / VAST

where do i put the books? there's so many i could read, but they all are filled with lies where do i put all the lies? there's so many i could say but it seems they're in the books

VII. RED RIGHT HAND / ARCTIC MONKEYS

you'll see him in your nightmares, you'll see him in your dreams he'll appear out of nowhere but he ain't what he seems you'll see him in your head, on the TV screen and hey buddy, i'm warning you to turn it off! he's a ghost, he's a god, he's a man, he's a guru you're one microscopic cog in his catastrophic plan designed and directed by his red right hand

VIII. TOES / GLASS ANIMALS

i'm a man, i'm a twisted fool my hands are twisted, too five fingers to black hooves i'm a man, don't spin me a lie got toes and i can smile i'm crooked but upright

IX. KICKING AND SCREAMING / THE PRESETS

when i was young i was a star amongst zeroes but then i grew up and now i'm heading up river i'm gonna cover myself in mud, mud yeah, i'mma deliver

X. AMERICAN TRASH / INNERPARTYSYSTEM

i've got this planet in my hands yeah, i'll try to save it if i can i'm satisfied with myself don't care for anyone else i'm so united when i stand

XI. MURDOC IS GOD / GORILLAZ

murdoc is god murdoc is god murdoc is god johnny is dead

XII. ALL MY OWN STUNTS / ARCTIC MONKEYS

been watching cowboy films on gloomy afternoons tinting the solitude put on your dancing shoes and show me what to do i know you've got the moves

XIII. PAINT IT, BLACK / THE ROLLING STONES

i look inside myself and see my heart is black i see my red door i must have it painted black maybe then i'll fade away and not have to face the facts it's not easy facin' up, when your whole world is black

XIV. RUH / SHE PAST AWAY

half an angel, half a monster i will sleep in your bosom again half an angel, half a monster i will roam to where you are

XV. FIGURE IT OUT / ROYAL BLOOD

getting hard to sleep, but it's in my dreams but it's killing me to try and figure it out nothing better to do, when i'm stuck on you and still i'm here trying to figure it out

XVI. PERSONAL JESUS / DEPECHE MODE

feeling unknown and you're all alone flesh and bone by the telephone lift up the receiver, i'll make you a believer

XVII. LIFE ITSELF / GLASS ANIMALS

daddy was dumb, said that i’d be something special  brought me up tough but i was a gentle human said that he loved each of my two million freckles when i grew up, was gonna be a superstar

XVIII. BUSINESS MAN / MOTHER MOTHER

talking ‘bout the business man, devil in a sunday hat buddy with the stupid laugh, just talking ‘bout the business man

XIX. IT’S OUT THERE AND IT’S GONNA GET YOU / THE PAPER CHASE

[instrumental]

XX. HAPSBURG LIPPP / EVERYTHING EVERYTHING

i'm checking your name off my list, i'm checking your name on my list i'm making up a reason to exist, i'm checking your name off my list you're thinking that your wife is worth a lot i'm telling you your life is worth a yacht no matter whose knife in the dark, still wanking with a robot arm i'm checking your name off my list, i'm checking your name off my list i'm making up a reason to exist, i'm checking your name off my list

XXI. HOW TO SERVE MAN / CREATURE FEATURE

let me clarify before we begin am i getting under your skin? your disposition seems a trifle bland it's time you learned how to serve man

XXII. W.U.G. / CHRIS FLEMING

he’s only comfortable with complete control and authority they should invent something for guys with this kind of affliction like a vr system  where he can believe he’s in a perpetual state of giving you a tour of his house

XXIII. RADIO / ROBBIE WILLIAMS

something's happening, i can feel it moving out of time you'll hear it falling in the way you fear it jumping, thumping, shout out something jumping, thumping, shout out something

XXIV. A NEW SKY / THE PRESETS

and it's alright, it won't be long you feeling something so won't you come outside with me? and it's alright, sing like a song and now you're flying so won't you come and fly with me?

XXV. ASIMILASYON / SHE PAST AWAY

protect yourself, this plague spreads spiders everywhere come on, dig your grave look, the day wakes up again

XXVI. ANIMAL IMPULSES / IAMX

i'm tired of this human duet no civilizing hides our animal impulses

XXVII. EXXUS / GLASS ANIMALS

i can see you running i can see you running gone in the blink of my eye gone, gone, gone in the blink of my eye

XXVIII. NOCTURNE IN F MINOR / FREDERIC CHOPIN

[instrumental]

XXIX. BABY BRIDE RAG / ROAR

oh darling, i'm not so sure about our hearts aligning at sixteen years old, could this just be bad timing? puppies pining listen to me sweetheart, you are nothing when we're apart i can promise you this, when we split the town you won't be missed

XXX. WHO IS SHE? / I MONSTER

oh, who is she? a misty memory a haunting face is she a lost embrace?

XXXI. I WILL POSSESS YOUR HEART / DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE

there are days when outside your window i see my reflection as i slowly pass and i long for this mirrored perspective when we'll be lovers, lovers at last

XXXII. GO-GETTER GREG / LUDO

i've given it some thought... and i really think that you could use a guy like me in your life looking after you, a man to take you home, a hand for you to hold... and i'd never leave you alone

XXXIII. AN UNHEALTHY OBSESSION / THE BLAKE ROBINSON SYNTHETIC ORCHESTRA

some call it stalking, i say walking just extremely close behind i'm sure if i sat down and asked you, well you really wouldn't mind you've got those eyes that drive me crazy and i've got eyes to watch you sleep i brought a pack lunch and some coffee for my stakeout in your tree outside your house

XXXIV. NEIGHBOUR / MOTHER MOTHER 

i am your neighbor, i can hear you i got this tin can with a string through and when you're crying, i hear your shaky breath and when you're lying i hear your heart confess

XXXV. OBSESSION / OK GO

a look so quick a movement so slight ah, it’s not passin’ fascination now it’s obsession

XXXVI. STALKER’S TANGO / AUTOHEART

i know, i know, i know, i'm always in your place but don't you see, my dear? i am your doppelgänger have your faith so

XXXVII. DEADCRUSH / ALT-J

extraordinarily pretty teeth beauty lingers out of reach you're my dc oh lee, oh man ray went cray cray over you capturing, but never captured you're my dc oh lee, oh

XXXVIII. CLUB FOOT / KASABIAN

i tell you i want you i tell you i need you

XXXIX. TEAR YOU APART / SHE WANTS REVENGE

i want to hold you close skin pressed against me tight lie still, and close your eyes girl so lovely, it feels so right

XL. PRETTY WHEN YOU CRY / VAST

i didn't want to hurt you, baby i didn't want to hurt you i didn't want to hurt you, but you're pretty when you cry

XLI. DINNER & DIATRIBES / HOZIER

that's the kind of love i’ve been dreaming of that's the kind of love i've been dreaming of

XLII. BERNADETTE / IAMX

you and me in our playhouse living in a veil, we never need to go without memories bring no joy or peace we are alone and all we need

XLIII. THIS HURTS / MINDLESS SELF INDULGENCE

oh, god i'm beautiful oh, god i'm wonderful i'm marvelous, intelligent, so why doesn't that make me feel better? i need some more, i need someone who's insecure i don't care who you are controlling you makes me better

XLIV. YANIMDA / SHE PAST AWAY

they wouldn't know, wouldn't comprehend you are with me, next to me

XLV. THE HORROR OF OUR LOVE / LUDO

i'm a killer, cold and wrathful silent sleeper, i've been inside your bedroom i've murdered half the town left you love notes on their headstones i'll fill the graveyards until i have you

XLVI. WE KNOW WHERE YOU SLEEP / THE PAPER CHASE

i don't know about you but i am hellbent, i know what it is that i must do close your eyes when we kiss ‘cause I'm prepared to set myself on fire for this

XLVII. WHAT ELSE DO I NEED / VAST

i know that you don't like me that's alright today i love you, but you bore me don't fuck up my day ‘cause i could stay right here and never ever leave, what else do i need?

XLVIII. YOU ARE MINE / MUTEMATH

there are objects of affection that can mesmerize the soul there is always one addiction that just can not be controlled

XLIX. WALLA WALLA / GLASS ANIMALS

honey honey, don’t you cry it’s a ruse all these creatures are a lie funny bunny, it’s alright i clap my hands and they’re gone into the night

L. TEMPTATION / VAST

i stand alone now, istand alone but can you save me from myself oh, please

LI. BIT BY BIT / MOTHER MOTHER

no i won’t bring too much of anything maybe a little slicker for the rain maybe just a good book and a heart to break Ii’ll make a mistress of a little wiccan thing

LII. COUNTING BODIES LIKE SHEEP TO THE RHYTHM OF THE WAR DRUMS / A PERFECT CIRCLE

don't fret precious, i'm here step away from the window, go back to sleep safe from pain and truth and choice and other poison devils see, they don't give a fuck about you like i do

LIII. STALKER / IAMX

i know you're aching to be saved from all the bullshit and banality sacredly i have watched you grow you've conquered all the self-loathing and high hopes

LIV. UNDER MY THUMB / THE ROLLING STONES

it's down to me, yes it is the way she does just what she's told down to me, the change has come she's under my thumb

LV. CHRISTMAS KIDS / ROAR

appearing unsightly with devils inside me if you ever try to leave me i'll find you, ronnie

LVI. GENGHIS KHAN / MIIKE SNOW

i get a little bit genghis khan i don't want you to get it on with nobody else but me, with nobody else but me

LVII. HAPPY TOGETHER / FILTER

imagine me and you, i do i think about you day and night it's only right to think about the girl you love and hold her tight so happy together

LVIII. TOUCHED / VAST

the razors and the dying roses plead i don't leave you alone, the demi-gods and hungry ghosts god, god knows i'm not at home i’ll never find someone quite like you again

LIX. STOP A BULLET / BLACK LIGHT BURNS

i've got something to say i've acquired a taste for watching you in pain it's pretty hard to admit it makes me feel like shit but i mean it

LX. DANGEROUS / BIG DATA

you understand, i got a plan for us i bet you didn’t know that i was dangerous it must be fate, i found a place for us i bet you didn’t know someone could love you this much

LXI. CAN’T DO / EVERYTHING EVERYTHING

he said it's up to me it's up to me, it's up to me, it's up to me, i gotta try it again! it's up to me, it's up to me, it's up to me, i gotta rip it apart! It's up to me, it's up to me, it's up to me

LXII. THE STICKS / MOTHER MOTHER

i'm getting on a mountain, baby, yeah i'm thinking of an island, maybe oh, archipelago, take me i'm looking to isolate me, terra incognita, baby i'm getting away from all the la-di-dah, la-di-dah

LXIII. ISOLATION / THE SMASHING PUMPKINS

but if you could just see the beauty, these things i could never describe these pleasures a wayward distraction, this is my one lucky prize

LXIV. BEEKEEPER / KEATON HENSON

believe me believe me, this loneliness won't go away hear me oh, woman that has gone astray gone astray

LXV. IVORY TOWER / EVERYTHING EVERYTHING

do you know what makes me happy? when i clothe you in a swarm of bees and the world is my ashtray, the world is my ashtray tonight shave my head and call me monkey let me see you with the caps lock on if we're all apoplectic then i'll be the neckbeard, alright?

LXVI. ANOTHER SET OF ISSUES / OK GO

it all seemed so perfect it all seemed like everything was right but i won’t let you leave that way, but i won’t let you but i won’t let you, but i won’t let you leave that way but i won’t let you, but i won’t let you leave

LXVII. BREEZEBLOCKS / ALT-J

do you know where the wilds things go? they go along to take your honey, la la la la break down now weep, build up breakfast now let’s eat my love my love love love, la la la la

LXVIII. DUST IN YOUR POCKET / GLASS ANIMALS

yellow nails and pinching fangs, a slimy creature lacking clad, he pulls his fingers from her mind, and lets her see, just like she was blind

LXIX. KRONOS / KEATON HENSON

i'd give you all i have if i could get it back this has been the best of me i hope you end up missing me and i'll hold on to that

LXX. I COME WITH KNIVES / IAMX

i come with knives i come with knives and agony to love you

LXXI. GREENER / TALLY HALL

telephones make you seem miles away from home all alone, i get a little meaner i leave a message at your tone, and miles away from home you get a little cleaner of me and i find a little greener shade of envy

LXXII. PROPERTY / SAY ANYTHING

don't you go leaving baby, i'll find you tell all your secrets and no one will want you it's for your own good, i know what's best for you if you won't sleep with me, there will be no rest for you

LXXIII. DESIRE / EVERYTHING EVERYTHING

i want this planet and i want it now to beat like an anvil 'til the poison's out i am a pencil-pusher with the pencil-pusher blues what the hell do i have left to lose?

LXXIV. PSYLLA / GLASS ANIMALS

i wanna make it right i wanna make you cry i follow suit, i follow suit i follow suit, i follow

LXXV. SLEDGEHAMMER / SAVANT

[instrumental]

LXXVI. SHUT ME UP / MINDLESS SELF INDULGENCE

the bass, the rock, the mic, the treble i like my coffee black just like my metal with the bass, the rock, the mic, the treble i like my coffee black just like my metal

LXXVII. SOMEWHERE ELSE TO BE / VAST

i wish i could hide from everyone is there somewhere else to be is there somewhere else to be take me in, i want out that's all i need

LXXVIII. CHOKE / I DON’T KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME

now shut your dirty mouth, if i could burn this town i wouldn't hesitate to smile while you suffocate and die and that would be just fine, and what a lovely time that it would surely be so bite your tongue and choke yourself to sleep

LXXIX. PATHETIC / BLAME CANDY

1460 days since we were alright you're having trouble sleeping, and i think i know why 1460 days since we were alright but now you're just pathetic, i said it you are pathetic

LXXX. NO CULTURE / MOTHER MOTHER

so can we let sleeping dogs lie? 'cause everyone believes me when i say it's mine a little wool over the eyes 'cause everyone believes me when i-

LXXXI. BLACK WEDDING / IN THIS MOMENT

i would've loved you for a thousand years i would've died for you i would've sacrificed it all my dear i would've bled for you 'til death do us part, you were unholy right from the start it's a nice night for a black wedding yeah, it's a nice night for a black wedding

LXXXII. DESTRUCTION / JOYWAVE

creeping 'round, i saw a little thing i didn't like; you tried to hide i've been creeping 'round i saw a little thing i didn't like, you tried to hide from me

LXXXIII. INTRUXX / GLASS ANIMALS

[instrumental]

LXXXIV. BREADWINNER / EVERYTHING EVERYTHING

hard liquor is my medicine it must have happened when i hit my head hard liquor for my birthday cake power, power, power, power, power

LXXXV. I CAN’T DECIDE / SCISSOR SISTERS

i'm not a gangster tonight don't want to be a bad guy i'm just a loner baby and now you've gotten in my way

LXXXVI. WITHER / SON LUX

you don't have to be afraid you don't have to be afraid like the grass beneath your feet, they will wither away

LXXXVII. WAIT UNTIL I GET MY HANDS ON YOU / THE PAPER CHASE

so go ahead, hold your breath be my guest, see if i care ‘cause it's your life, it's your body in the morning what's it to you, my sweet bijou? ‘cause if you knew what was good for you you'd stand there lowborn to drop every rampart and drawbridge

LXXXVIII. KILLER / THE HOOSIERS

i hate my work, but i'm in control i'm fearless now, but it cost my soul save yourselves, the moon is full under its power, gravitational pull

LXXXIX. WYRD / GLASS ANIMALS

you can’t run so you must hide you won’t make it back this time i sold your rope for a bucket of lemon peel, now suck it

XC. I’M DYING / VAST

not one day goes by that i don't compromise your love for the cold love of the world it's killing me through my own evil pride not one day goes by  that i don't know that i'm dying

XCI. DEAR DICTATOR / SAINT MOTEL

and at the trial, there'll be no jury and all the dead are going to play witness it's not too late to say you're sorry but it's too late to truly mean it

XCII. GET OUT THE WAY / MOTHER MOTHER

i'm not anti-social i'm just tired of the people and i'm fine with rolling solo so get out

XCIII. SEVERED / THE DECEMBERISTS

i alone am the answer i alone will make wrongs right but in order to root out the cancer it's got to be kept from the sunlight

XCIV. NOBODY LOVES YOU LIKE ME / JONATHAN COULTON

air in my lungs, a cough and a wheeze holes in the bellows and blood on the keys you move along, there's nothing to see nobody loves you like me nobody loves you like me

XCV. TRUE ROMANCE / SHE WANTS REVENGE

when could you tell it was over? when did you turn on me? i'd cry if i thought it would change your mind, cry for the girl i hoped you to be

XCVI. YOU’RE ONE OF THEM, AREN’T YOU? / THE PAPER CHASE

and i believe, i believe, i believe you're one of them you're one of those things so go on and scream all you want 'cause that only excites me i'm aiming this plane for the sea, i'm taking you all with me so suffer little children, suffer little children suffer little children come and get me!

XCVII. DANCE TO THE DEATH / KINGDOM HEARTS 2 OST

[instrumental]

XCVIII. THE HOUSE IS DUST / EVERYTHING EVERYTHING

i wish i could be living at the end of all living just to know what happens, just to know what happens i would know every answer and just how far we all made it this is all my life this is all my life

XCIX. A DEATH / AN UNKINDNESS

inevitability, you are my mother bleeding seeds of sour lust onto the mounds of bleeding crust unto all that holy dust i shall return, bathed in fire

C. YUPPIE SUPPER / EVERYTHING EVERYTHING

[instrumental]

[furgemancs]

Ghosts of Christmas

Okay, so I made a small story, which is rare from me XD This is about Buster’s Christmas, some fluff with a hint of sad, enjoy it ^^ Story is under cut, Chris belongs to @the-vampire-inside-me, based on some brainstorming, everyone else is mine.

First thing he heard was the faint, yet familiar voices. Singing a song he didn’t recognize. Then footsteps and excited chatter. The noises made the toon groan, bury his face into the pillow, using his pristine white wings as a shield and tried to sleep a bit more. But neither his ‘barrier’ was enough to avoid the scent, sneaking through the door and twisting his senses. It was so delicious, it already made Alabaster gulp.

With a frown the angel sat up, stretched out his limbs and yawned, wings brushing the walls. Hand scratched on his white tank top. It was already morning, the sun shimmered on the white blanket of snow that covered up the whole city. The sight still made him awe, since this was the first winter of his life. Al stared at the street below, watching people walking by, wondering, then finally decided to find out, why everyone is so noisy. He only put on his pants and slowly left his room.

The sight hit him by surprise. Everyone was already awake and marching around in the apartment, having a rather cheerful behavior. The twins ran around, putting strange, fuzzy ‘scarfs’ all over the furnitures, while singing songs he didn’t know. Natalia was cooking in the kitchen something super delicious, humming along with the kids. Larry tried to position a pine tree in the middle of the saloon. They all were acting weird.

“Ahm… what’s… going on?” Al spoke up, staring at the others with a furrowed brow. The twins stopped in front of him, bouncing on their toes in excitement.

“It’s Christmas, Al!” they stated in unison, which just made the angel more confused.

“Krishdmash? What is it?” asked, his expression just as innocent as the fresh snow. Bing and Bong changed a look with each other, gasping.

“You don’t know what Christmas is?” of course they overdramatized things a bit, as usual when the angel questioned something ‘obvious’. Therefor the toon lowered his head, glancing away embarrassed for being ‘dumb’.

“Boys, don’t forget this will be Al’s first holiday.” Natalia told them as she took off her apron and untied her long hair. She approached the angel and looked upon him, smiling. “Christmas is a holiday about love and family. People gather together to celebrate, have fun, eat delicious food-”

“And give presents!” noted in Bing.

“Yeah, don’t forget the presents. And Santa!” added his twin brother, both giggling. Natalia sighed, rubbing her temples.

“Yeah, those too… Don’t worry, Al, we will show you everything. I think Larry is done with the tree. Come, let’s decorate it.” she took Alabaster’s hand and they went to check on the pine “Oh Larry, this is beautiful. Great choice as always.” she said, making the polar bear blush and puff out his chest in pride.

“Why we install a dead tree in the saloon? And why we have to decorate it?” Al had so many questions in his mind, and with each action the others did, it just increased.

“It’s a tradition.” told him Larry, as he opened a box, which was full with colorful and shiny ornaments. The twins were already on it and began to put these  shimmery balls onto the branches.

“We not really know the reason either, but everyone is doing it.” Natalia said, picking up an ornament and handed to Al “I like this tradition, to be honest. Its pretty, and the tree has a nice scent.” added with a giggle. Al watched the glass orb in awe, then did as the others and placed it onto a small branch. He wasn’t sure why, but this tiny activity cheered him up. Soon all the decorations were hanging on the tree, expect one.

“Who wants the top?” asked Larry, holding a small, angelic figurine in his hand. Like two tiny predator the twins jumped, trying to scream down each other.

“Me! Mee!!”

“You did it last year, Bing! It’s my turn!”

“No it’s not!”

“Boys! Please don’t argue today. It’s Bong’s turn by the way!” Natalia interrupted before the kids began some quarrel again. Bong squealed in joy and climbed onto Larry’s shoulders, placing the figure to the top of the tree.

“Wow... ” moaned Al in awe “This is beautiful indeed.” his eyes shimmered with innocent joy, the nearby orbs reflected the soft shine of his halo.

“And this is just the tree. There are still lots of fun for today.” Natalia looked at him and a soft smile appeared on her face. She couldn’t help, but each time they taught something new for the angel, his curiosity and joy stuck to her too. She took a deep breath and started singing a phrase “Oh Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree, you stand in splendid beauty-”

Natalia was right. This was just the beginning. Since it was nearly noon, they decided to eat. The table was full with various garnishes, sauces and a big, roasted meat in the middle. And the savors… Al felt in heaven, this was more delicious than he thought. It was pretty rare they made food for themselves, but since they had time, they could manage it.

They played games. A lot of them. They didn’t have to worry about any kind of performance for the day, therefore they could do whatever they wanted. The group even went downstairs to make a small show for themselves. Al jumped to the piano and out of instincts began to play a Christmas song for the first time, yet perfect as ever.

“On the fourth day of Christmas my true love sent to me…” sang in a group, then the phrases divided.

“Four calling bird-" said Al.

“Three french hens-" continued Larry.

“Two turtledove-" chant the twins in unison.

“And a partridge in a pear tree" finished Natalia and they continued this until the end.

Time went by so fast, they didn't realize it was already late evening. They rested on the couch, watched the soft lights on the tree, enjoying the silence. The twins were already passed out, using Larry as a pillow. Natalia and Alabaster sat next to each other, heads resting on each other, enjoying the warm and silence.

“This… was wonderful...” whispered the angel, nuzzling her soft hair “I had so much fun...”

“Glad to hear you enjoyed it...” she murmured back “And it’s just… a small fragment. Theres… a lot more of this holiday… wish I can show you...“ she let out a sad sigh in the end. Al glanced at her, then wrapped a wing around her shoulder and pulled her closer.

“This is perfect. I don’t want anything else...” the angel stated, while his fingers lightly entwined with hers. Soft shade of pink colored Natalia’s cheek as she slowly returned the gesture, nuzzling Al’s shoulder more. Faint, gentle hum came from her throat, making the male sleepy. He took a heavy inhale and closed his eyes, letting the melody drift him into slumberland.

The next moment he opened his eyes he was somewhere else, someone gently shaking his shoulder. The angel jolted and let out a scared yelp, swinging out with his wings.

“Buster, Buster, its okay! It’s just me! Shhh!” the other leaned away to not receive a slap from the feathers. The toon sat up, hand reached out and rubbed the nub on his right side out of reflex. He was in a car, wearing warm jacket. Next to him a tall human knelt on the seat, watching him with worry. They parked outside of a studio, snow was falling from the ebony sky.

“C-Chris?” croaked Buster, lightly shaking in the whole body. He needed to take a deep breath to calm himself “W-what happened?”

“You fallen asleep. Just arrived and tried to wake you up. Did you… have a dream with them? Your family?” Chris asked, trying to be delicate with the theme. Buster hesitated, staring at the floor, then slowly nodded.

“...I miss them, Chris… more than ever...” he stammered, something warm streamed down his cheek. The human reached out and smeared away his tears. Buster’s lips trembled and out of reflex nuzzled the palm “I wish they could be here...”

“I know, buddy… I know… come here...” Chris got a bit closer and hold his toon friend in a warm, welcoming embrace. Buster hiccupped, for a second he wanted to push away, but he became weak, he broke up in a faint weep and hugged him back tight. The man waited patiently, hand rubbing the toon’s back in circles to calm him.

“Its okay… everything is okay. I know its hard… but as long as you remember them, they are not dead.” Chris whispered gently, yet inside he was pained to see his friend suffer. It took Buster a few minutes to calm down, resting on the other weakly.

“I-I’m sorry…” rattled in the end, burying his face into the jacket.

“Don’t be. It’s natural we miss the ones we love. You know, if you need help, or just want to talk about this to someone, I’m here.” Chris softly smiled, caressing Buster’s cheek. The toon closed his eye, enjoying the gesture, nodding again.

“Thank you...”

“Heh, anytime, buddy.” The man’s smile widened, then leaned close and hinted a smooch onto the black forehead “How do you feel, would you like to go in? Honestly it’s getting cold out here.” he added with a chuckle and shuddered. Buster blinked, then snorted a giggle as well.

“S-sure. We are here to have some fun, right? Your ‘famous’ Christmas party in the studio.” finally there was a hint of tease in his voice, which cheered Chris up. The human got out of the car and helped his friend too.

Buster glanced upon the sky, watching the falling snowflakes in wonder, his breath like tiny clouds. Such a pretty sight. He inhaled the cold air, then exhaled and followed his guardian inside the warmth, to celebrate Christmas for the first time in many years.

The end.

[lifeinmylivingroom-blog]

JOY

I’ve been meaning to write a blog for a while now, and just never got around to it. I always seem to think of a brilliant idea usually around 1am when I’m just about to read my bible before passing out into some weird dream or other. But today (Mother’s day) I was finally inspired to make that late night musing a reality.

Now, I watch a lot of films (My excuse is ‘I have siblings’, but we all know that’s just a cover). My child side loves all things Disney and Kung-Fu Panda, while my wanna-be adult self and her Dad are die-hard Star Trek fans! ( Well, Voyager, the Next Generation and the Chris Pine films, but still counts!) I originally thought about writing a blog solely on all the life-lessons learnt from my many years of inter-galactic experience, but honestly who would like to read a whole lot of waffle about warp drives, Klingon’s and the Ferengi anyway? The world is weird enough as it is.

Anyway, last night while Dad was out at some fancy dinner, two of my sisters and I ordered an Indian and put Joy on Netflix. Honestly, I don't usually go for drama’s, but it’s Jennifer Lawrence! What’s not to love? 

Quite honestly, the film was brilliant! Jennifer was fantastic, all the actors were stellar, and we were gripped from the start. 

Even though I loved the film, I hated the fact that it was a true story. 

Joy’s life was HARD! And yet, so many people’s lives are just as difficult. I usually watch films to escape and be entertained by fiction, so It seemed ironic that the film was called Joy when there seemed to be so little joy in the plot. Never the less, the thing that kept nagging me throughout the whole film was this:

Whose voice are you listening to?

**SPOILER ALERT**

The trailer screams at us two messages: ‘You can’t always get what you want,’ and ‘Don’t ever think the world owes you anything, because it doesn’t.’ Joy has her dreams on hold. She was a good, self-sacrificing girl, living her life to please others and help her family in their chaotic lives. But in that process she begins to lose herself. 

Joy is constantly taking other people’s advice, letting their ‘words of wisdom’ crush her spirit and her dreams, trapping herself in a prison of her own making. She could have been happy with her life, but she just knew she was built for more.

We all know that feeling, and at some point or other, we’ve all believed the lies that whisper around us: that ‘we’re not that special,’ ‘we’re never going to amount to anything,’ ‘who do you think you are?’ 

Yet we can feel we were made for something greater. 

Some of us take the leap, and break away from our pattern of existence and attempt the race for our dreams. But often when we decide to chase a dream, life seems to suddenly become impossible, and all the excitement and enthusiasm gets squashed out of us. The fear of failure and disappointment can overwhelm us, and even the thought of these fears have many of us bowing out of the race before we’ve even begun. 

I lived there for a while, thinking there’s no point in ever trying to be a songwriter as there’s so many of us ‘out there’ all trying to make it big, and who’d want to listen to my stuff anyway? (I even wrote a song about it, but that’s not the point...)

The point is that Joy comes to the ‘quitting-point’ so many times, but at every turn decides to carry on with the fight, and not give up. Even when her family betrayed her, her advertisers failed her, and her business partners gave up on her, she kept on going. She remembered her destiny. She remembered her dream. She remembered she was JOY! She was a fighter, a designer, a mother, and a dreamer. She was all these things and more.

So to summarise, the moral to all this waffle is this: 

Who are you? Who were you designed to be? What would happen if you took the risk and chased your dream? Could you possibly inspire others to break out of their boxes and chase theirs? 

Thank you Joy for breaking one of my boxes. 

[sugarblood7]

Chapter One: VampFed is Cancelled

Sugar Pine 7 Vampire AU

Author: @oncemorewithvodka

Editor: @sugarpinecrews

            “Hey everybody raise your hand if you still have a job!” Mike asked the room. No one raised their hands. Not even the ghosts who haunt the halls and would still be here after we left.

           VampFed is Cancelled. There are four nights left.

           All the sets were being dismantled. All the stuff we used to relate to the humans in boxes. Even though VampFed was ending it was nice to know everything was staying the same. Even our human prisoner James was thinking of staying behind.

           “Steven, I’ve been trapped here all weekend. Please help me get down,” James let me know as he worked on taking down our lights. I closed the door and let him get back to work as he begged for me save him. But that’s what he gets for being a gross human who can’t fly. For some of our untalented employees, it was interesting to see what they had planned for the future. I did end up asking James what his plans were to which he responded, “I dunno what I’m going to do now.” Yikes. Kind of a bummer for that guy! Probably staying with the ghost unless he can learn how to deal with heights.

           One of our studio techs, Zach Taylor on the other hand, was taking initiative.

           “Uh. My name is Zack Taylor. I am for hire. This is my resume. Um it looks good.” Actually, it was just okay. It failed to include exactly how much blood he drinks in a single day which is good for any company to be aware of, especially if you’re company that hires vampires.

           I decided to go around the office testing everyone’s ability to find a new job. The test involved employees stating three things they’re good at in a matter of twenty seconds.

           “You have fifteen seconds to say three things you’re good at, otherwise you’re fired,” I told fellow vampire host Candace who responded with just staring into the distance. Though, Sam Bashor was able to answer with talking, swimming and running. Pretty good dude. That was good.

           I asked some of the others who were around their three things

“Design, editing, typography!” Hired!

           “Drawing, illustration, graphic design.”

           With Chris’s consistently snarky attitude, I was really hoping he wasn’t going to be able to answer in time.

           “Camera work, lighting, audio.” Fine.

           Making my way around the office I was given more answers.

           “Uh, not having a job, getting fired, and uh being a new unemployed wereboy” Fired.

           I even asked James who had somehow either gotten help from a witch or overcame his fear of heights.

           “Everything, nothing, and most things,” Fired.

           “I don’t know” Candace finally answered.

           I went to ask Zack who responded he same answer as Chris’s. When I told him he couldn’t double dip he explained he was like Chris but an inch taller. This was the wrong answer because Zack is a vampire and Chris is an elemental. Unbelievably James came in to the save the day.

           “Licking, he’s good at licking” Zack agreed with this. Hired! It’s important for a vampire to lick their victim though it worries me that James knows the difference between a vampire’s bad licking and good licking.

           “Cooking, eating, sleeping. Goodbye” were Matt Lieberman’s answers. Fired on the grounds that vampires don’t need to know how to cook. But he heard my response which put me in danger.

           “You take my firing back, Steven Suptic. You’re just a chicken vamp with a camera. I’m a vamp with a practice sword!” My unlife was at risk as the sword was made from wood.

           “You’re dangerous, you’re hired, you’re hired!” I yelled as he backed me into a supply closet.

           “Cool, thanks. What’s my salary?”

           “Fourt,” I responded and then chased him away. He was a little boy and I chased him. I was once again, safe.  

           You know, one question that I think really deserves an answer and I don’t think anybody knows, is how did this office keep spreading diseases so easily? Maybe it comes from the licking that is important in any vampire or werewolf society. For those of you who think vampires cannot get sick let me tell you we have our own illnesses and we can spread to them to other beings including humans. How do you think the common cold happened?

           I know what you’re thinking. Are people really okay with you filming them during such an emotionally draining process?

           “Okay, I get that you’re trying to document what’s happening here for personal gain. But…I want some too.” You could have put it up on your own vlog channel Liberman.

           “I hope you make a good bit of money off of filming all these people who just lost their jobs. I hope you make a nice bit so you can pay off the government for your fuckup,” Zack told me.

           Clearly, some people were very jealous of my enormous wealth. While others took things more seriously. Rickey Mizuno for example pretended to shoot himself with a gun, which we all know doesn’t kill vampires but then he farted thinking it would be funny. Unfortunately, that was a lot more dangerous of fart than he thought it was gonna be. Vampire farts are the worst.

           “And that was the last we saw of Rickey Mizuno” Zack mentioned.  

           Joel Rubin, one of the oldest vampires of all time came into the room. He may be old and powerful but very much a drifter as he goes from one supernatural brainwashing company to the next.

           “Guys, we need to have our Oddity meeting for the next three months of Oddity,” Joel told the room.

           “And that was the last we saw of Joel,” Zack told me, but I highly doubt it.

           I went over to Audrey, who stayed covered in her hoodie as to not expose us to the danger of her unknown power. I wanted to check in on how she was dealing with the end of VampFed but she did not look up from her editing.

           “And that was the last we saw of Audrey,” Zack was setting a theme was these announcements. Maybe it was from his extra power to see the future.

           I went to go check on Sofia, a very dangerous witch when Zack assured me:

           “We would, however, see Sofia again,” and knowing that I left the room to go bother one of the werewolves Eric.

           “Are you working on VampFed stuff?” I asked him.

           “No, no. I’m uh messaging everyone I know asking for a job.”

           Eric’s comment about reaching out to friends made me realize, I have a lot of connections in the YouTube industry. I decided to reach out to a pervious VampFed employee for help, Ian Dokie, Ruler of the channel Zombi Noggin.

           “Hey Steven.”

           “Hey Ian.”

           “What’s up?”

           “You hear the news?” I asked kind of nervously but I heard him take a deep breath.

           “That VampFed’s cancelled?” I wondered if he knew why I was calling already.

           “Yeah. So I just figured I’d just call you and see how, um, Zommbi Noggin’s doing.

           “Good. It’s doing good,” he sounded skeptical. He knew why I was calling.

           “Yeah, I’m not really the kind of guy to beg on my feet, but um, do you have, do you have a- Please give me a job,” I blurted out

           “Uh huh?”

           “I’ll get back- You’ll get back- I’ll get it. Alright I got the job, thank you, thank you,” I was in, I wouldn’t be stuck roaming the streets.

           “Someone will reach out-” I hung up when I saw Joel, and worked up the courage to confront him.

           “You got me fired, you son of bitch,” I told him.

           “Well, maybe you should have done a better…work.” Hmm! Maybe I should have done better work!

           That’s when I found a telephoto lens lying around and after all these months I was finally able to spy on Luis. He was an editor but I knew he was secretly a vampire hunter. I was able to get footage of Sofia destroying her paper trail. Zack was right, we did see her again. Though I didn’t feel like I was done talking to Joel about exactly why VampFed was being shut down.

            “I mean, it does suck, because we were doing really well. I mean, we had the most brainwashing, like the most sustained, over five months of brainwashing for the first time since 2013 on the channel? I’m looking at the human subscriber analytics right now and we haven’t had this good of subscriber numbers,” he turned the screen so I could see a guinea pig eating carrots, the code for brainwashed humans, “in I don’t even remember how long. I mean at least since, maybe July?” That was hard to hear.

            What else was hard was seeing everyone else working knowing it would coming to end soon. Filip wrote a 17-page script that I’m sure everybody was very excited to film during their last week. I suddenly then got a vision of what Matt was up to, he was writing a letter.

            “Dear guinea pigs, I’m Matt Lieberman,” he was writing. What business he had with the brainwashed humans?

            That’s when I saw the unthinkable. Look at this little punk-ass werewolf wearing the same shirt as me, making my day fuckin’ worse. I figured I would get my mind off it by playing Star a song.

            “Alright, so are there any requests? Any song in particular?” I asked sitting ready at my keyboard.

            “Shooting stars.”

            “Shooting stars, who’s that by?” Of course I knew.

            “I don’t know,” Star failed my test but I’m a gentleman.

            “Ah, I know that one! Here we go!” I began to play the song thought the keyboard did it in the voice of a banshee. I jammed more out as the keyboard contained drum beats and horrifying animal noises that I think added to the song.

            So right here. This is about the point I stopped having fun for the day, and started recognizing that everything was going to end.

            I went with my camera to one of the last meals we would all have together before the company ends. We even let James have a regular human beer instead of being the meal like he normally is. That obviously seems very abrasive. Filming people while they’re eating- it was, but everybody was a good sport about it and after this week I dunno when I’ll be able to see these guys again.

            I’m sure most of us are going our separate ways. But at the end of the day, you can’t count on a company, or another monster. You just have yourself. But when you’re feeling lonely out there, and you miss your old co-worker Steve it’ll be easy to look back on these videos and remember working for a channel called VampFed. And maybe a couple years later, you’ll shoot me a text, and we’ll get a human to feed on, and talk about the old times. Or maybe our chapter’s done. Whatever the case, it was a pleasure working with all of you. When I was alive I was an only child, and I don’t know if this is what having brothers and sisters is like, but it’ll do.

            Together everyone watched the video where we told the humans and other beings who watched the channels that VampFed, VampFed Nerd, and Vampires Be Like were canceled. We filmed our last VampFed podcast where we talked about the good memories and many nights we had spent together like a family. Because that’s what VampFed had become, a family.

[josiebelladonna]

Character Songs

I saw a post on an OC blog that gave me an idea. I already have a few songs associated with some of my characters but since I’m a music junkie, I wanted to expand it. Instead of just one song per character, there will be about 2 to 5 instead. Consider this the official soundtrack of my book series - compiled on Spotify!

Note: please bear an open mind as I listen to a wide range of music (I’m literally the kind of person who will mention Bruno Mars and Sunn O))) in the same sentence); I know not everyone likes the same things I do but I’m just admonishing that unto all of you reading right now. Hey, you never know: there might be something listed on here you might like if you give it a try

OCs only:

Archer Wilson - Fade Into You by Mazzy Star; Drown Me Slowly by Audioslave; In Fiction by Isis; Ain’t No Good Life by Lynyrd Skynyrd; Pyramid Song by Radiohead

Desdemona/Ringmaster General - To Bring You My Love by PJ Harvey; Dig, Lazarus!! Dig!!! by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds; Lady Midnight by Leonard Cohen

Emperor Neptune - Ocean Size by Jane’s Addiction; Deep by Pearl Jam; Storm by Soundgarden; Don’t by Dinosaur Jr.; Skinny by Filter

Siegfried Blue - Rainy Day Women #12 & 35 by Bob Dylan; Pink Cigarette by Mr Bungle; Lightning Song by Queens of the Stone Age; Kimiko’s Dream House by Mark Lanegan; Crazy=Genius by Panic! at the Disco

Hamilton Blue - Bitch, We Got a Problem by Korn; Moonage Daydream by David Bowie; Leafy Incline by Tad; Limo Wreck by Soundgarden; Captain Hi-Top by Mother Love Bone

Madame Pluto - Fight Like a Girl by Emilie Autumn; Step Aside by Sleater-Kinney; Straight On by Heart; Minerva by Deftones; Towards the Sun by Rihanna

Lewis Allison - Teenage Riot by Sonic Youth; Follow Me Down by the Pretty Reckless; Heresy by Nine Inch Nails; Until the Ocean by Malfunkshun

Rowena Wilson (nee Manzarek) - Light My Fire by The Doors; Black No. 1 by Type O Negative; Rain When I Die by Alice in Chains; Smile by Pearl Jam; Maria by Rage Against the Machine

Ivan Wilson - Echoes by Pink Floyd; Physical by Olivia Newton-John; Brass Goggles by Steam Powered Giraffe; Feel In Love With a Girl by The White Stripes; Lonely Boy by The Black Keys eat your hearts out

Zelda Wilson - Voodoo Child by Jimi Hendrix; Burn by The Cure; Wuthering Heights by Kate Bush; Violet by Hole; Dive by Nirvana

Queen Mars - Stone Pale by HBS (Ben Shepherd) how is that not on a horror movie soundtrack really; Riders on the Storm by The Doors; The Ghost of Tom Joad by Rage Against the Machine; Purity by Slipknot; Heaven Knows by The Pretty Reckless

Hale Harper - Indestructible by Disturbed; Phantom Limb by Alice in Chains; Applebite by Soundgarden; Lucretia My Reflection by The Sisters of Mercy; Achilles’ Last Stand by Led Zeppelin

Sullivan Blue - Deep Six by Marilyn Manson; Unsuccessfully Coping with the Natural Beauty of Infidelity by Type O Negative; Covered in Punk’s Blood by Desert Sessions

Victor - Monster by L7; Clown by Korn; Nervous Breakdown by Black Flag

Patrick Silversmith - Every You Every Me by Placebo; Us and Them by Pink Floyd; My Ass Is On Fire by Mr Bungle; Mr Moustache by Nirvana; Split Personality by P!nk

Groups

The Blue Siblings - Pacific Coast Highway by Hole; Moonchild by Chris Cornell; Reach Out by Eleven; Down Undershoe by Hater; Let’s Go Crazy by Prince

The Allison Family - White Rabbit by Jefferson Airplane; As Heaven Is Wide by Garbage; Steam Ingenius by Modest Mouse; Every Day Is Exactly the Same by Nine Inch Nails; In the Pines by Fantastic Negrito

The Wilson Family - Nuclear Family by Green Day; 3 Libras by A Perfect Circle; Dandelion by Audioslave; Beautiful Day by U2; Million Reasons by Lady Gaga

Hotel on Titania - Planet Caravan by Black Sabbath; Negasonic Teenage Warhead by Monster Magnet; Son of a Gun by Nirvana; Gaia by Tiamat; Less Teeth, More Tits by Lunachicks

Everyone on Bikini Atoll - Xerces by Deftones; Amongst the Waves by Pearl Jam; Octopus’ Garden by the Beatles; Radioactive by Imagine Dragons

The Ghosts/Demons/Spirits - Some Kind of Ghost by Black Rebel Motorcycle Club; For Whom the Bell Tolls by Metallica; Wolf Moon by Type O Negative; Zombie by The Cranberries; The Great Syrup Accident by HBS (Ben Shepherd)

Our Villains - Bleed Black by AFI; Persephone by Cocteau Twins; Crush ‘Em by Megadeth; Idle Hands by the Gutter Twins; Starfuckers Inc by Nine Inch Nails

OTPs

Ivan + Rowena - We’re Going to Be Friends by The White Stripes; Just Breathe by Pearl Jam; Gentle Groove by Mother Love Bone; I Love You All the Time by Alain Johannes; Please Please Me by The Beatles

Ivan + Desdemona - Light of the Morning by Band of Skulls; Ugly Truth by Soundgarden (lol, I couldn’t resist); Drain You by Nirvana; Maggie May by Rod Stewart; Cheap Thrills by Sia

Pluto + Neptune - This Man is Mine by Heart; The Only Exception by Paramore; Lorelei by Cocteau Twins; Stellar by Incubus; Umbrella by Rihanna and Jay-Z

The Books

Pluto Is A Planet - All Alone by Mad Season; Meet Ze Monsta by PJ Harvey; Rhinestone Eyes by Gorillaz

Neptune Is Stormy - Blue by A Perfect Circle; Subtle Poison by Screaming Trees; Zombie Eaters by Faith No More

Uranus Has No Room - Nettie by Type O Negative; Candy Cane Crawl by The Twilight Singers; Bang Bang by Green Day

Saturn Is Ascending - Speed of Darkness by Flogging Molly; River Styx by Black Rebel Motorcycle Club; Welcome to the Machine by Pink Floyd

[survivorcordillerablanca]

Episode 2 Confessionals

who is bryce and how long has he been on this tribe

so my daughter emma left and im the only one who stood by her side. i still have lexi on my side. hopefully adam, jordan pines (shocking) and jay. im mostly working with jordan and jay bcuz they might know lexi and i are friends. considering i was in the india reuinon chat and kicked from it on and off for weeks. also katie is in this game and i know she's bffls with adam, so i wanna work with him to keep that door open. and katie is also bffs with jordan so ILL GIVE THAT LITTLE PINES BOY A CHANCE

Me forgetting to make a confessional doesn't surprise me. Anyway I got an advantage from the wishing well thing and I'm shook that it worked to get half the tribe on call

I think I made a pretty good connection with Chris, especially based on the fact that we are in 2 orgs together. I would like to align with one more person and make it an alliance of 3, so when I get the chance to talk to Chris, that could hopefully be set up. I want to be a bit more straightforward with my goals in this org unlike in some of the previous ones I have played recently. I've been waiting for someone to come to me but maybe if I go to a couple people, they will respect and trust me more because I want to align with them. It worked well with Chris. Also everyone listen to this goddess sing: 

So, usually i don't make confessionals, because thats lame, but my boy RTP needs them. So what can I say, I'm a giver. Anyways round 1 is fine. I have a few different alliances, each sort of mixing with the other. I got a 1 on 1 of me and adam. I got a 3 person one of me Luke and Jay. And I think I am working with Ryan and Willa. Separately of course. Anyways i'm not too worried about going home. I just hope we win shit soon.

Okay fake friends!! No one though to inform me about the idol map thing JKDSFJK. I don't even quiet get it AAAAAAAA. I searched somewhere but don't think I got a response so I think I'm wrong. Also we won the first challenge yay!! I'm really scared to go to tribal b/c I don't think I'm in a majority. I want to make an alliance with like carson, charlotte, zachary, katie but I think its too soon??? But that's what people who wait to long say so idk SDDSHFSf. Taylor Swift's new song came out earlier and its so good. Its also everywhere??? Like on so many promotional things and ads shes really getting her business. The reward challenge is usually something I'd like but I finally fixed my sleeping schedule and its about to get ruined again probably. I'm so tired but I want to win. The wishing well is also strange. I didn't get chosen this time and no one told me they did either so yikes :s! Here's hoping things look less grim.

okay i really like carson. he's really fun and probably the person im closest with. I want to work with as well, Willow. she's a queen! WOO ill make a longer one soon i promise

Congrats to me for not being the first boot. That'll have to do for my first confessional I'll do a real one later Ryan please don't yell at me.

I GET SLEEP YES. Sad I didn't get it but tbh idc. I am SO tired and now I don't have to stay up. Gonna finis the Great British Bake Off episode I'm on and them I'll be counting sheep! Hope my tribe wins <3

I dreamed a dream that I searched for the idol apparently. BECAUSE I DIDN'T ACTUALLY DSFJKSFKJFK. I don't understand why I'm like this but I'm cracking up and apparently imagining I searched Churup HSFJKDFsKJF

Just occured to me that hosts see these live not at the end of the season so now I'm extra embarrassed SJDKFS

I love how we're doing every challenge I hate!!! We won reward tho and got another shot at the wishing well but I didn't find anything again lol. I am stressed for this challenge but hope their teams just like talks or something and gets kicked.

heyyyy im back! after we won immunity (bless), i kinda just.. .stopped talking to ppl but everyone else stopped talking so its fine and idc! emma got voted out and im PRETTY sure i dont know them so idc. i know willa so im happy they stayed over emma. then came the reward, where ryan slung a ball we had to catch it to open treasure chests, and we dominated ! (well not we, but the rest of my tribe), they got 4/6 balls and charlotte managed to open the chest so we won reward and a visit to the wishing well! at the wishing well, i chose #9 bc... it SPOKE to me, and... [9:15:58 AM] Ryan Palmer: Congratulations! You have earned yourself a task from the well. Once you complete this task to the hosts appeasement you may earn a special reward. This task may put you at risk if you complete it so make sure to cover all of your bases. The next Immunity Challenge will be one where you have to earn points as individuals for your tribe. Your task is to make sure you do not earn any points for your tribe, you must earn 0 points. In addition to that there will be a rule about talking in the chat, right after your tribe has earned points you need to post a comment of celebration in the chat. You may write whatever you want, but you will then be removed from the chat. If you complete this task during the Immunity Challenge then you will earn a special reward. If you do not complete this task you will earn nothing. [9:16:02 AM] carson: SDJKSDJKSDJKSDJK [9:16:11 AM] carson: Me being one of the onl;y people to not do anything during the Reward [9:16:12 AM] carson: BYE [9:16:34 AM] carson: Also Ryan ur giving me All Stars teas.... [9:16:37 AM] carson: *cvc [9:16:40 AM] carson: I literally [9:16:43 AM] carson: SFJKSDKSDJK GOD I HATE THISSSS [9:16:47 AM] Ryan Palmer: :) [9:16:52 AM] carson: THis is literally the Same as CvC SO i HAVE AN ADVANTAGE CLUE... and the challenge is one of the task challenges and these are my favorite types of challenges and im rlly mad i dont get to play!!! this reward BETTER be good... (also me not helping in the challenge, but still getting the reward sdlsks) and im having flashbacks from failing this kinda clue in challengers vs champions, so i wanna redeem myself and get the advantage! im still gonna try and fake like im doing it, by answering questions wrong etc, but then ill randomly celebrate in the wrong chat accidentally (while we'rei n the lead bc im not gonna try and lose this SDjksdkj) !! hopefully it goes well and im not exposed and we dont lose immunity. also, nor eal updates on this tribe. chris barely talks which im assuming is bc hes busy but still!!! idk who to work with, so i guess ill wait for a tribal?? kinda wanna get an alliance together soon though idk

Im gonna be bomb at this comp n here is why eg. Q: who won Bahamas? A: *me in 0.2sec* Zach won Bahamas!!!! Yes I submitted this as a VLconf too don't @me...

I'm good at puzzles??? But I'm not I guess DSFKJSF

My ADD made it almost impossible to keep up with this high speed challenge so I kept /leave on my message box the whole time hoping it would become an option to get points... man I'm a smarty pants and also now I get to sleep!

I am so stressed for tribal. I think I have something good with Carson and Zachary but I still need two votes hopefully Willow and Charlotte vote with me and we can do Eric or Chris. Chris doesn't respond to my messages ever so I'd prefer to do that honestly but idk I am just hoping it works out

Willow told me she heard Chris's name and im like "HELLL NAW IM NOT VOTING CHRIS BAI." I need Willow, and I need Chris, and there is no way either of us 3 are going to go this tribal.

So I talked to Willow and she's like "my two top allies blah blah blah. Anonymous blah blah blah" and I'm thinking to myself, "Why would you tell me that someone other than me is your top ally. You could of had me sold if you said I was your only top ally." Now I know there is someone you might keep over me." And I have strong suspicions that her top ally that isn't me is 1 of these 3: Katie, Carson, Charlotte. Either way, I am going to remember what Willow said if we are ever in merge together and I need to think about saving her or someone else, especially if one of these suspicions are in merge with us.

SO WE WON IMMUNITY! Even without help from Jay, Lexi and Willa the rest of us killed the challenge and took home immunity. I'm so happy that we won immunity because Willa was looking like he'd be the  next person to go and I kind of don't want that? I know it puts me in a pretty precarious spot with my alliance since they agreed it's probably best if Willa leaves next. If I can't save Willa at all then I'll vote him out but if I can save him that would be GREAT for me. I want to get closer to Ryan and Adam. Adam and I talked during the first tribal council and we're both pretty straight forward thinkers and know what's best for the tribe so I'm interested with working with him. Ryan is someone who I really want to work with and he's close with Lexi which means I might have to vote her out so that he'll fully trust me?? Idk we'll see. I've been thinking about what Ulta will do at tribal because if a winner from that tribe ends up leaving and then we swap and I end up on an Ulta dominated tribe...that's bad news for me. 

So I think I'll get at least one vote here. But I feel good with my alliance that they'll have my back. I trust carson the most, then charlotte, then zachary, but I trust them all so that's good.  I think  Willow and Eric are together but I don't think they'll be able to get chris and Katie on their side. Willow wanting chris is also pretty bad so idk I think I'm safe at least I hope so cuz I'm really starting to enjoy the cast and season!! Should be a 7-1 or 6-2 or 6-1-1 vote hopefully and then 4-4 at worst

we;ll.... we lost badly!! AND I DIDNT GET MY REWARD FROM WISHING WELL BC WE FLOPPED TOO MUCH... but that dont matter, tribals more important, and chris was the plan to go... UNTIL!!! today, eric told chris that chris was going and if he wanted to stay to vote out bryce. like??? What kinda crackedt world do you live in where u threaten someone to vote someone so they  can stay SDJHDSJ (also returnee alliance made between me/zach/charlotte/bryce YES.) so... chris snitched (king) eric out and so we want eric out now... bc hes playing way too hard. NOW HE WANTS TO VOTE CHARLOTTE OUT TOO WHICH>>> SDKJSDKJ. i see why he went premerge so many times right now. like... if you try something over and over, and it doesn't work. take another LOOK!! but whatever i could be getting bamboozled but the plan is to get out eric bc he blew up his game by scrambling with little numbers, and withholding info (like telling bryce that he should vote charlotte and he couldnt tell him why but hed give him 3 rounds of safety DSJKSJK...) hopefully im not being dumb and im actually right. (also im actually... strategizing and forming social bonds oh wow! survivor is actually fun when you play it.) lets pray for no blindside of me or anyone... and lets get through this! http://photos.costume-works.com/full/furby.jpg

i just heard carsons voice on live tribal council and like i knew he was in high school but omg he sounds like such a smol baby and i need to protect him