#chronic pain and a bad brain

[rebirthofartemis]

I’ve already accepted that I’m going to fail this class. I’ve got too much going on in my life, calling Monday to drop my next session and tell my advisor…

[artbytesslyn]

its important to remember that long term chronic pain rewires your brain so even after you find a treatment plan that relieves some or all of that pain, you're still gonna have days where you wanna tear all your hair out.

it might feel like it's for no reason! but its cos your brain has new highways in it and traffic still goes thru there whether it makes sense or not

if you're having a bad day, just let your body have a break. Don't try to rationalize it cos the conclusion you might come to is 'wow even with treatment I'm useless' and that's always bad. If your brain and body are telling you "I Can't Do That Right Now", even if you can't figure out the reason, just listen

[triglycercule]

if killer ever went into stage 3 around horror i absolutely want horror to fuck around with him in it. killer would totally obliterate him yes. BUT horror's also smart enough to know not to fuck around (too much) and find out. i think it would be like animal control and a wild feral dog. horror would set up traps for killer to get stuck in and then he crawls out of them. he laughs when killer falls for them so easily because a normal killer wouldn't fall for them so savagely (s2 killer MIGHT purposely trigger horror's traps just to see what would happen but s3..... bro has no thoughts). it's a good time for him to test out what new traps he can try too because killer is stupidly determined enough to keep surviving even the most saw level traps horror comes up with. he could find a way to slice off killer's leg with a cool new funky trap that's basically a torture device and killer will just start chasing him on all threes

killer just has like rabies foam at his mouth and horror is actively laughing at him during all of it. there are several moments where killer almost kills him or fatally wounds him but horror's smart enough to use his limited magic to teleport away in time before killer ends up gouging out his stolen eye. he just finds it so funny because normally killer is a lot smarter than this. killer always has that empty look on his face and is precise and always speaks with that stuck up tone and like he always knows what he's doing and what's going on and now the only thing that killer can say is a bunch of rusyxushabdhshhgggherrrrrggrrrrrr like a dumb dumb little dog. and horror absolutely finds it hilarious as he watches killer climb out of the 30th spike trap he's set. dude is absolutely covered in blood but bro is just dead set on killing horror in s3. horror just finds his fall from grace so PATHETICALLY HILARIOUS!!! and then he falls for another trap where he gets stuck in a net and horror laughs at him all over again and it's just a never ending loop until killer calms down enough to go back to stage 2.

it's a surprisingly good way of dealing with killer's 3rd stage is what dust would say if he didn't watch horror almost get torn apart by killer several times before that and now he has to deal with killer's bleeding from like 40 different wounds

[stressfulsloth]

Harry and his relationship with his own disability is so tragic to me. Because you have this man who is disabled in *so* many different ways, he's physically paralysed in his jaw, he's got severe nerve damage and internally his organs are going into shutdown due to the alcohol/drug use, but then on top of that you have the mental illness, the depression, the potential schizophrenia, the adhd/autism and you end up with this man who is in So Much Pain all the time from every imaginable angle. He's overstimulated every second of every day. Everything hurts him, including light and sounds. The world screams at him. He can't emote in a way that others relate to. Every inch of him physically hurts and he's one insult away from death. He can't get better- chronic illness is chronic illness, he's just going to be *like that* forever- so what is there left to do but get worse?

And then he's trapped in a system that values capital above human life. Capitalism treats disabled people like burdens but that won't stop them from wringing every last drop of life out of you. Empathy isn't profitable. The only percieved worth he has to the society around him is his productivity, his work for the RCM maintaining the status quo for capitalist interests, and its so entwined with *who he is* that it's impossible to separate him out from it. He is the Law. A force, not a human. He has to dehumanise himself to keep going. And really he does have to keep going, like a shark dying if they stop moving; there is no other option for him. What chance is there for him if he stops working? He's institutionalised- the RCM quite literally lives in his brain as esprit de corps. He can't escape them. He is the infernal engine. He will never stop. But his body, his health, are collateral damage. And to Harry, all that is inconsequential as long as he's doing his job.

[swordsonnet]

the most annoying thing about me/cfs is that it's more like 10 different illnesses in a trenchcoat. i'll wake up with a new symptom and be like "oh okay, guess that's what we're doing today"

[chronicpaingirlie]

something i miss about being able bodied is being able to form habits easier. like the adhd made it rly hard but like at least it was pretty much always physically possible for me to do the thing 😑

[that-jack-kline-bestie]

people always act shocked when I tell them how much sleep I need. like okay maybe I don’t want to live in pain. maybe I’d rather have 10-12 hours of life instead of 16 hours of misery

[mongrelmutt]

"[I] started to call up the supply of media I'd downloaded. I hurt too much to pay attention to anything with a story, but the friendly noise would keep me company."

-- Murderbot being too relatable as usual lol

[toomanywordsnllines]

So my hc that Soap sometimes gets a little too excited about exploding stuff and... Just ends up blowing them off too close to himself so he has to scatter quickly...

Seems to be proven a little more true when you take in count he, apparently, wears a knee brace.

So you're telling me he probably (dumbly) had too many close calls and had to jump away/from high places to get away.... (I love him a little more everyday)

I'm not saying this could be used as one more way to hurt him...

But I'm exactly saying that

[youngchronicpain]

hey

I know sometimes our brains can be really mean

but please take your meds

even if you feel like you're a terrible person (in the moment) who doesn't deserve relief from your symptoms

please

the only way you can do better is if you are taking care of yourself

[aro-culture-is]

quick note - this blog is gonna be sparse again for at least this week. trying new medications and tbh initial side effects are not super pleasant + actual effects build up. as a result: currently as if unmedicated for mental health, with anxiety+ side effect, extra fatigue, dizziness, and fatigue. it's uh, sure something.

totally recognize that most of y'all know we're absent at times due to health things, just wanted to give a heads up that this one is at least anticipated.

[nightfallsystem]

is it ok to just say im disabled i have chronic pain and it kind of affects me so i can barely walk a lot and its constant and i have to ration my energy but idk

like,,

i dont want to misuse the label if im not disabled

and im almost scared im playing my disability (/ies if i consider my autism a disability but personally i dont know if i consider my autism one yet) up somehow

but idk. im in pain most of the time it affects my ability to do stuff ,,, but idk

like id almost feel bad ?? even thouhgh i googled it and i fit the definition ?? maybe im in denial maybe its internalized ableism ??? idk ??

[suffercerebral]

me having gone to bed at 6 am every day for the past week and generally spiraling mentally while rotting in bed waking up this morning: a 4 mile hike in the heat is a really good idea right now, and while we're at it let's start like 3 art projects

[lesbiangiratina]

Heat wave During my period With chest pain

[stars-and-branches]

Brain zaps are great because you get to experience a power point slide transition in real life

[iamchickenhearmesquawk]

The levels of imposter syndrome I go through when considering if I should take time off work or not cause of pain is astounding.

You think you know your limits until you don’t and also there’s baptist guilt whenever you don’t work.

Also like as someone whose pain is admittedly mild most of the time it’s tough to tell sometimes when I need more rest cause it just will slowly ramp up and being in even a small amount of pain for a long time can be draining.