#chronic2terminal

[moacha]

Comfort in the Uncomfortable

Thank God August is finally here! Yes! 🙌🏿 Whoa, July was a beast. I knew It was going to be with 2 eclipses, Mercury Retrograde, 2 new moons a full moon...seriously the cosmic energy was bound to spiral me, but damn! From my Delta convention being cut short, unfortunate and un-expecting medical news, new treatment plan...that I am NOT wanting to do, dad being hospitalized and undergoing another heart surgery, preparing to move with NO place to go, realizing that people are NOT who they said they are NOR who they said they would be, from “friends” intentionally and with malice intent doing things to hurt you with gloves on...man I am tired and OH SO DONE with July! I do believe I did my best to get through it with just a few scars and bruises. And I am blessed, because as much as I went through, I know people around me who went through as much as I did and some who went through more!!! So much more 🙏🏿.

I often try and reflect during the shadow period on things that I can take away. Things that although hurt like hell, will help me be a better version of Maleika René. And there were a few gems that I walked away from this time as well. Give me some time to properly share them as I am polishing them like any beautiful gem. They are still in their raw form. But I have them close to me and I am polishing them to share. 💛

I am looking forward to August and the beauty of the next 31 days. I have some amazing moments arranged that will supersede most of the dark moments of last month. Moments with friends that have turned into family. Moments with family. And a move. Although I still have no clue on where I’m moving to yet, just knowing that I’ll be in a new place is exciting and cleansing for so many reasons.

There is a shift that happened in July and all shifts aren’t bad. Uncomfortable, yes! But, I am here for this shift. I am ready for it. In need of it. And low key, the universe whispered to me that it was coming a few months ago. So here we are. I let go of some stuff (still have some more to release). I cut some chords (still have some more to cut). I feel as if I’m being prepared for something. Something bigger than myself and what I believe I’m here for. The work is beginning and that does take major cleansing and healing AND understanding. It takes a shift. A cosmic shift. 🙏🏿 Hallelujah! And when you understand THAT it makes sense. And all is well.

So, here’s to August! Let it shine bright. And beautiful. Goodbye to the old stuff and hello to the new! 🌈

[moacha]

The Good Heart 💛

Well said. From beginning to end. It’s always comforting when others take the words out of your soul and put them together. 💛

Finally starting to move on His journey for me. Trying to hold onto a few things that the universe keeps telling me to let go. For me they are important. Things that I love. That I have cared about deeply. But no matter how much I show love respect admiration, they keep stabbing me, punching me, causing great damage to my soul. So 💔 I am bloodied and bruised from trying to show my ❤️. The universe wins. I’m letting go. This good heart and soul can’t take another blow. I’m tired. The universe has spoken. Period. No more signs needed. 🖤

The universe has placed some beautiful souls to accompany me on my journey. They Respect. Care. Love. Are Compassionate. Patient. Understanding. Support. Nurture. Advocate. Uplift. Remind in kindness. And most importantly they see me. 🙌🏿 My focus has to be given to them in a positive way. A healthy way. They are important and it’s unfair to pour into them the negative that the others are giving to me. Letting go! ❣️

Najwa, lit a flame in my spirit with this statement. It has moved me in the most beautiful way. I am finding my voice. It is becoming clearer and putting meaning and purpose behind my podcasts. My truth will be shared with the world. I hope that it helps others as they navigate their journeys.

Podcast coming soon with more on The Good Heart! 🎤

[moacha]

Welcome MAY 2019

5 of 12 and we’re half way done with 2019 (already). With the new moon above us, I stand grateful to be able to witness my grandmother turning 88 this month 🎂. A true blessing and a gift as she was a few years younger than me when I was born. I treasure my moments with her, my family and friends as I know that life is a gift and at any second can change.

Last month did NOT start off the way I or most of Los Angeles expected, with the great loss of Nipsey Hussle. 💙

Normally, April is a great marker for spring which brings butterflies and blooming poppy fields. I normally celebrate birthdays and attend fundraisers, but last month was so different. Definitely one for the history books. A bittersweet month of tears. Tears of confusion, anger and deep sadness. 😔 Tears of excitement and joy for my best friend Crimson Aimant, that magnetic #7 from 13 The H.A.R.D Way ❤️!

I entered May with a heavy burden of decisions from my medical team. Decisions that I wouldn’t wish on anyone. But, I do believe that God made me for this journey. Uniquely, specifically, and with purpose for this journey.

I am opening my eyes wider and wider each day and things are becoming much clearer. The journey isn’t getting easier, but I am finding peace in the journey as my faith gets stronger and the mountains become easier to navigate and move. The naysayers and toxic souls sent to destroy me are fading away and disappearing, like the 50% in Avengers. Or maybe they are still surrounding me and God has just made them mute so I can’t hear them. The blessing for my trek is - I simply don’t care anymore. All IS well and I have exactly who I need next to me. They are protecting me like a shield from the “evil ones”. Grateful! 🙌🏿

Although I walked into May a little tattered and torn from all that took place in April, along with the news from my medical team, I write this today with peace, joy and love in my soul for what’s to come. I am hopeful. I am confident. I am joyous for what lies ahead. And I believe that I will come out of May stronger and ready to take on the next leg of my journey. Remember, I shared in my New Year’s post - focus, discipline and consistency is all we need to complete our goals. 2019 is mine! And the Marathon continues. 🏁 Hello May...I’m ready!

[moacha]

March... New Moon... Choices... Love 💛

Can you believe we are at the end of Q1 of 2019 already? 3 of 12 is here like HELLO! Mardi Gras and Carnival season is in full effect. Before we know it the 4th of July will be here and I’ll be posting about Essence Festival and then the Delta Convention. 2019 is seriously playing no games with any of us. 🌼

So, let me quickly regain my footing and ground myself in 2019 so that I can obtain the goals that I set for myself this year. It’s moving so fast. And you know when that happens old “things” try and sneak back in. A little dark energy pod tried it during a meeting I attended yesterday, but I was able to quickly paddle it away from me so that I can stay the course that I set for myself. That is the key!!! We can decide to absorb the darkness that others have for you or you can elect to make sure it stays far FAR away from you. It really is that simple. It becomes a choice. What makes you happy should ALWAYS be the selection. 🌻

I spent a lot of time truly believing that the right answer used to be, absorb their negative and dark energy if it means it’s going to make them love and appreciate me, see value and respect me, let me take their lashings if it means they’ll accept me and be my friend, invite me to their brunches, parties, trips, allow them to mistreat you - it’s ok Maleika it’s for purpose. Maybe it will make them respect and understand this terminal diagnosis that you face and want to be human and support you like a sister, like a friend...wait just a human would be okay. You know, come sit with you during treatment or bring you a meal afterwards, you know just a warm hug and a gentle smile...nothing too complicated. Just care. And then the unthinkable. I was destroyed. Broken. Humiliated. Left to rot. Alone. Shunned. Isolated. Laughed at. October 2016 • August 5, 2018 • September 2018 💔

And then someone very close to me whispered... focus on those that love you. Sit at your own table. Play in your own sandbox. Even if you’re alone for awhile, God will send those that are supposed to be with you to sit with you, build with you, pray with you, correct you, help you, support you, laugh with you, dream with you, and most importantly love you. And He has...He is. Here’s the fact, real talk, truth...I have a choice. I choose me. I choose love, and peace and light. 🥰

There is a lot of beauty and special-ness this March. The new moon is Wednesday and will bring so many amazing things. So, despite Mercury Retrograde (pretty much all month), I am ready for March. I am knocking the dark pods out of my space. And only dealing with love and positive energy. 🙏🏿 So, let’s go March! I embrace you. I am grateful for you. I welcome you. Let’s make amazing memories that I choose for March 2019! 🦋

[moacha]

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Back to back God is delivering messages to ensure 2019 looks different. If I don’t listen what happens next is on me. I can’t blame or go back and cry out why...when He told me! He showed me! Verbatim! Delivered to my inbox. Multiple times. By multiple sources. Beautiful reminders of what shapes and defines friendship...the “village” from a core level, it���s natural, organic, balanced. Friends... your village pray for and with you. They uplift, motivate, encourage, inspire and support you. They stand by you when it’s dark and are with you at the point in the valley when it’s like whoa...what’s really going on here? They don’t run in fell clutch of circumstance, yet they help wipe the blood away. When the energy has shifted and tumbles down the wrong path, they love you enough to communicate with love, so that your energy and focus shifts back towards God’s purpose and plan. For me, that’s “my bag”. My bag = God’s Purpose! So, in order for me to secure my bag, I pray that 2019 brings peace, love and miracles galore...established miracles. 🙏🏿 Here’s a few things for you to think about: When’s the last time you’ve encouraged, motivated, inspired your friend/team/village? When’s the last time you went out on a limb and against the norm to stand up for them? When’s the last time you wanted to YELL and say ‘f#%^ this and their ish’, but instead you grabbed them and said let’s PRAY? What role do you play in the friendship? The village? Is it self-serving only? Or is it balanced and organically loving? I know I can answer with receipts. Can you? Self-reflection leads to accountability then change. With clarity much is revealed. The universe delivers crystal clear messages. You can run from this message another year and stay in toxicity OR you can do what #PastorGray and #Diddy said and prepare for 2019 as it will be the year of the Established Miracle. Two week countdown... 💋#MoachasJourney #shesazebra #raraavis #GodsPlan #2019EstablishedMiracle #hope #speaker #blogger #podcast #advocate #chronic2terminal #friendship #invictus #friends #clarity #village #pray #inspire #livingtestimony #MyTherapy #purpose #crystalclear #smile #countdown #miracles #lemons2lemonade https://www.instagram.com/p/BrabyLWFcp1/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=628eayp11yst

[moacha]

Over the past several years I’ve been surrounded by individuals who were tearing my wings off piece by piece. In front of me and behind my back (or so they thought). I kept thinking why? We’re sisters. We’re Christians. We’re friends. We’re family. For the life of me I couldn’t figure out why they were being so cruel and heartless. And then I was still... quiet... and I realized why. ⠀ 🦋 ⠀ #MoachasJourney #healing #MyTherapy #blogger #podcaster #lightworker #humble #Love #poetry #chronic2terminal #LifesJourney #intuition #survivor #scleroderma #shesazebra #raraavis #GodsPlan #podcast #publicspeaker #advocate #butterfly #smile #purpose #livingtestimony #WomenEMPOWERWomen #girlsbully 💋 https://www.instagram.com/p/CE91FbSFfBU/?igshid=vxxl3upfnpob

[moacha]

I blinked a few times...maybe one too many because February is here already. 💛 2019 is playing no games. I had plans and intentions for January, but it’s too late now. ✌🏿 January and HELLO FEBRUARY! 🥰 Planning for amazing things to happen this month. I have a yearly manifestation board and a monthly one. Trusting that miracles are manifested February 2019. Remember this is the year of the Established Miracle. 🙏🏿 🎨 by Carlos Daniel Art 💛 #MoachasJourney #HelloFebruary #Month2of12 #EstablishedMiracle #LivingTestimony #NewMonth #MyTherapy #Focus #God #Purpose #YellowIsMyFavoriteColor 💛 #ManifestingMiracles #Blogger #Speaker #Podcaster #MotivationalSpeaker #MyStory #Chronic2Terminal #february #WatchWhatHappensNext 🦋 https://www.instagram.com/p/BteLFiXlK50/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1jkqja693tawf

[moacha]

So grateful to see another birthday year. Humbled. Blessed beyond measure. Thank you for the kind and loving birthday messages. It’s taken me a few days to respond but know that I’ve been warm & fuzzy on the inside from receiving them. 🦋 This year I am spewing joy and positivity to the universe. Not only for my own manifestation, but to share with you all as well. Life is REALLY short. It is not promised nor guaranteed. Life will always throw lemons at us and there will always be some sour lemons along our journey. Some we can dodge and walk over, others we just have to catch and take in to make sweet lemonade. According to science and my medical team I should not be typing this, I should’ve made my transition years ago. But look at God! Look at what prayer does. 🙏🏿 No matter what your journey throws at you or what you may stumble upon, remember you can always find beauty in it. There is always beauty in the dark. And in the light and with clarity, it’s breathtaking. I am so ready for the year of 10! Birthday #1 complete. ♑️ Birthday #2 is up next 2/8 ! 🙌🏿 #10 #J10 #Yearof10 #MoachasJourney #Capricorn #Birthday #HappyBirthday #QueensAreBornInJanuary #thankyou #shesazebra #raraavis #GodsPlan #gratitude #speaker #blogger #podcaster #advocate #chronic2terminal #friendship #family #friends #clarity #livingtestimony #MyTherapy #purpose #focus #consistency #discipline #manifestation #beautyinthedark #2019EstablishedMiracle #lemons2lemonade https://www.instagram.com/p/BsoP1E6hoyo/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1dknh65kjbi8m

[moacha]

New Year! New beginning. Start over. Clean slate. Reboot. Oh this journey is filled with twists, curves, setbacks, sit downs, peaks and valleys. But, I have to tell you, I absolutely would NOT change any of it. Not one day. Every single moment of my journey has been for purpose. And for that alone I am so grateful. Humbled! Blessed that God allows me to be and see beyond the hurt, the tears and the fears. Hallelujah! I’ve spent a lot of time in the past not focused. I was seriously focused and worried about the WRONG things. 2019 is guaranteed to be different. Let me tell you why. Are you ready? You may want to sit down for this, because you may lose your breath. LOL 2019 is going to be amazing and filled with peace, love, healthy relationships, success and wellness because I’ve decided to sit down and get out of my own way and allow God to be the captain of this journey. Yes sir! 🎤drop. #MoachasJourney #shesazebra #raraavis #GodsPlan #2019 #HappyNewYear #capricorn #J10 #2019EstablishedMiracle #hope #speaker #blogger #podcaster #advocate #chronic2terminal #friendship #family #loyalty #friends #clarity #micdrop #livingtestimony #peace #blessings #God #MyTherapy #purpose #startover #reboot https://www.instagram.com/p/BsLpujzhaWg/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=euh4ovd15rcu

[moacha]

Well HELLO January! I’ve been waiting on you to come back around. I have a new love-hate relationship with you. I love that you give us all an opportunity to start fresh. New year, new book...blank pages to fill with memories of all sorts. But, I hate that you took one of my best friends away from me. An angel who truly understood what it meant to be a friend, sister, soror, daughter, wife, and woman. She loved unconditionally and what more can you ask from a friend? J4/5 are forever going to be a hard days. 🦋 And then I fall back in love because January is my birthday month. My original birthday month I should say. As you know I have 2. 😁 This January is going to be even more special as I begin my assignment. I strongly believe that we all have purpose. I am blessed to know what mine is and I plan on sharing it with the world January 10. Yep! January is a special month. You know Queens are born in January, right? 👸🏿Repost from @eeni_edit #MoachasJourney #shesazebra #raraavis #january #HelloJanuary #GodsPlan #2019EstablishedMiracle #speaker #blogger #podcaster #advocate #chronic2terminal #friendship #family #friends #pray #livingtestimony #J10 #MyTherapy #purpose #capricorn #honesty #unconditionallove #goodvibesonly #queensareborninjanuary 💛💋 https://www.instagram.com/p/BsG6o8shVyD/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=eieg09w350v2

[moacha]

This time last year I had a bunch of chemo running through my veins as they began the long process to prep me for the stem cell transplant. It was a hard weekend. Cold. Scary. Especially because we had just learned that my heart was getting worse. I honestly thought they were going to send me home and tell me that they couldn't help me. But, God is amazing. Wait, you didn't hear me, GOD IS AMAZING! 🙏🏿 And the team let me go through the process under a special protocol. My nurses were amazing and gentle and helped me through the large dose of chemo I had to have to start the process. My beautiful mother, laid on a hard board next to the below freezing window all night to be by my side. She refused to leave me. ❤ As I lay here this morning and reflect on this day last year and the journey to recovery and restoration, I am so grateful for the experience. God sent me through this journey for a reason. I'm not sure why, but I know he has a reason. I believe my purpose for existing has something to do with it. I am grateful for my doctor, his entire team and staff, the medical professionals, my family, friends, sorors and all the prayers. Although I continue to struggle and fight to get better, I am blessed beyond measure. I have faith. I have HOPE. And most importantly, I believe that I will be completely healed and restored by his will! 🦋 #MoachasJourney #miracleshappen #LivingTestimony #hallelujah #transformation #ByHisWill #hallelujah #reflection #believe #trust #faithofamustardseed #restoration #patience #healing #perserverance #motherdaughter #chicago #stemcelltransplant #scleroderma #systemicsclerosis #chemotherapy #chronic2terminal #fight2live #smileanyway #HOPE 💋

[moacha]

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Just a quick update. Thank you for those that have expressed love and concern for my well being and safety. We all need to check on each other. Seriously. “I am my sisters/brothers keeper”. Not for the gram or for public accolades, recognition and fake awards. God (Spirit) - The Universe is watching and knows. Fact: many will not make it out of this pandemic. Life is short. 🥰 I have some valuable messages to share and will post later. Treatment days can be draining. 🙏🏿 #MoachasJourney #update #podcaster #ILY #sisterskeeper #blogger #brotherskeeper #IVIG #treatment #scleroderma #storyteller #MyTruth #chronic2terminal #iviginfusion #pandemic #imazebra 💋 https://www.instagram.com/p/B914dFDF6x6/?igshid=1df2hv5fp9nz7

[moacha]

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Good vibes and energy 💛. This is the year of clarity for sure. YES!!! #MoachasJourney #reflection #stemcelltransplant #advocate #stemcelltransplantsurvivor #imazebra #raraavis #fade2black #fade2yellow #chronic2terminal #systemicsclerosis #MyTruth #SoulWork #podcaster #blogger 💋 https://www.instagram.com/p/B8au7UGF2L5/?igshid=7r7492akss3d

[moacha]

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There are moments on our journeys when time feels like it has stopped and life seems like a blur. It is in those moments when it is time for a hard reset. It was no coincidence that mine coincided with month 6 of 12. The half-way mark of 2019. It made sense. Time to pause. Back away. Listen. Take note. Receive. Pay attention. Reflect. Redirect. Inhale. Deeply. Slowly. With patience. Forgiveness. Love. Kindness. Understanding. Compassion. Protection. Exhale. Outlining boundaries and new parameters for the rest of my journey. Preparing to share my truth is exciting...nerve wracking...and exciting at the same time. I had been confused for the longest time. I wanted my “friends” to support my projects and be excited for what was to come. And I was reminded that MY friends do support and are genuinely excited for my projects and all that WILL come with it. Silly Maleika, they have personally told me, they remind me, encourage me, inspire me daily. Grateful. I needed that reset. Now I am ready to take on the second half of 2019. Focused. Disciplined. Consistency. My three words for the balance of the year, all surrounded by light and love. I am ready to share my truth. My testimony. My story. I believe it is part of my purpose. An assignment from the universe. I am ready to speak...the mic is powered up and the words are flowing from Him. ✨ Happy July! #MoachasJourney #HappyJuly #blogger #podcaster #MyTherapy #truth #GodsPlan #purpose #goals #focus #consistency #discipline #friends #love #light #livingtestimony #amen #imazebra #chronic2terminal #highervibration #noweaponformed 💋 https://www.instagram.com/p/BzalgqSlJ9T/?igshid=1jhpd5rl4w6sc

[moacha]

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Happy first day of Spring! 🦋 Enjoy each day like it was your last (as it may be). Kiss your loved ones. Tell your friends you love them. Pray for your enemies and those that can’t stand you. Life is too beautiful and goes by too quickly for anything else. Are you mad today? Take a deep breath and let it go. Hurt, angry... release it, I promise it’s not worth it. Come a year from now you won’t remember why you were even mad, angry, hurt in the first place. 🌼 We have 3 months to enjoy spring (summer starts 6/21). What will you do this spring? Take up a new hobby? Work on your “summer body”? Do some spring cleaning...physically and mentally? There’s nothing better than self-care and self-love, you know? 💛 Whatever you decide, do it with a smile and enjoy it. 🥰 I know for me, I am just glad I get to see today. It is a miracle that I am still here. I smile every time I think about the fact that I literally was NOT suppose to be here today. I was not supposed to make it to my 40th birthday, let alone #46. And here I am celebrating my 25th year as a member of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Inc. - can’t stop smiling from ear:ear 🔺❤️. I am horizontal today. I filmed this video a few days ago, but I am here. I am typing this today and how awesome is that?!?! 🙌🏿 I have an amazing village and I tell them I love them as often as I can. 💛 I pray for those that despise me daily and that God puts love, growth and healing on their hearts. 🙏🏿 And I am preparing to do the assignment God left me here on this Earth to do. I believe that I am here for purpose. We all are. And, it’s up to us to find our purpose and complete it. Maybe this spring will be your start. I am hopeful that it will be for me. 🦋 #love #namaste #MoachasJourney #shesazebra #raraavis #GodsPlan #chronicillness #systemicsclerosis #chronic2terminal #2019EstablishedMiracle #hope #speaker #blogger #podcast #advocate #village #friendship #family #forgive #purpose #firstdayofspring #friends #clarity #livingtestimony #MyTherapy #purpose #March20 #smile #spring #butterflies #selfcare #selflove https://www.instagram.com/p/BvPQYNdAx64/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1sy7hslwdszt8

[moacha]

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Happy New Year! Happy Kwanzaa! It’s 2019! I am on a mission to do what I’m suppose to do for God! Each of our lives have purpose. I am blessed to know what mine is and with focus, discipline and consistency it will be this year. I love January 1 because we have the opportunity to start new. Inhaling peace, love, forgiveness, prosperity and wellness. Exhaling fear, doubt, sadness and anger. I received a lot of messages in 2018. Messages directly sent for me to gain clarity on many things that surround my journey. Each message-experience prepared me for 2019. Some were extremely painful to endure. A few I’m still mourning. But, I see them as essential for what’s next. I can’t wait to take you with me. What are your goals-plans for 2019?💋 🎶Friends • The Carters #MoachasJourney #shesazebra #raraavis #GodsPlan #2019EstablishedMiracle #hope #speaker #blogger #podcast #advocate #chronic2terminal #friendship #family #HappyNewYear #friends #clarity #livingtestimony #MyTherapy #purpose #focus #discipline #consistency #smile #beautyinthedark #podcaster #pray #lemons2lemonade https://www.instagram.com/p/BsGXr_RBX-f/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=13ty9edeq3q7e