#cis bro validation

[bastard-heir]

i was pregaming with the boys and my buddy tyler started going off on how cold it was gonna be that night, ribbing me for not bringing a jacket cause "man, you aways get cold!"

i offered to run down the street to my place to grab one, and he just stared at me like an idiot. "why do that when you can just borrow one of mine?"

i thought he'd just toss me one of his hoodies, but he ushered me back to his room and had me try on his leather jackets, watching me like a hawk and critiquing their fit more to himself than to me. "Nah, that one makes your arms look small," "this one falls on your hips weird", "you're swimming in that one, lol".

when he found one he approved of, he pointed me to a mirror in the living room where the rest of the guys were waiting. in my reflection was just some guy. just some guy, standing around with just some other guys, drinking beers and laughing at youtube videos. no too round shoulders or too wide hips or too long sleeves to give him away.

i locked eyes with our buddy jason through the mirror as drove his knuckles into my scalp and smiled, "That's our fucking boy!"

[letthesunshinein]

bluesey is my favorite “straight” couple if you can call one nonbinary pansexual and one diet-cis boy pansexual, plus their joint queerplatonic ace bf a straight couple.

[anti-transphobia]

If anyone wanted to know what it's like to be a trans person not aligned with masculinity online, I've had such a huge issue with both cis and transmasc people calling me dude and then arguing about it when I asked them not to that I had to set my nickname in discord servers as "don't call me dude/man/bro". That wasn't enough so I changed it to be in all caps and set my overall discord display name as "DONT CALL ME DUDE/MAN/BRO". Within a few hours I was @ed on a server I never talk in, a server where most of its members never talk because it's a mod development/compilation server so people are there for information and that's it, by an any pronouns trans person who hasn't spoken in that server in a YEAR and talked again specifically to misgender me

[cheebuss]

IT KEEPS HAPPENING OH MY FUCKING GOD

"based on your likes!"

> shows me a fucking r.adfem t.erf blogger

[transfemme-shelterdog]

Something I hope and wish for a lot of trans men is for them to realize that like many other things, masculinity is a spectrum. Speaking as someone who grew up hanging around men for over 20 years, and still do to this day, there is a wide range of ways that cis men express themselves and their masculinity. Furthermore, many men tend to have a very muted form of masculinity.

What I mean by this is that a good portion of men don't feel like they have to be macho dudes, with big muscles, driving trucks, drinking beers with the bros, etc. Most men quite literally will just simply exist, and don't feel like they need to prove their masculinity. It's just a given.

By all means, if you want to be a guy who body-builds, works on trucks, drinks beers, and all that stuff, that's perfectly valid and you won't hear shit from other men about it.

But you're not really under any pressure to do this. There's a lot of men who have typically "feminine" interests, or act more androgynous, and their gender is never brought into question.

If you want to knit, bake, read books, or do any other "non macho" activity, you can.

You're masculine purely by the fact that you're a man.

None of the men in my life have been "macho" dudes, and their gender or heterosexuality are never, ever, doubted.

So to all you trans dudes out there, coming from an ex-dude, with a shit load of male friends, remember this: there's absolutely no rules to being a man. Be yourself, and people will act accordingly.

[steadyposttrash]

Biggest ewphoria:

— Women avoiding you at all costs because to them you are an aggressor like every man.

— Someone assumes you’re sexually dominant, emotionally closed off, or physically imposing just because you’re a man.

— A cis guy casually makes a sexist or homophobic joke, and you’re included like it’s normal bro-talk.

— Being told "You're not like other girls" or "You get it, you’re a guy" in a way that shits on femininity.

— Being called “hot” specifically for looking like a “rough” or “trashy” kind of man. Like someone wants to use you for your masculinity rather than see you as a person.

— Perpetuating stereotypes of male stupidity, aggression, irrationality and hypersexuality.

— Someone says “you’re terrifying,” or calls you a freak, or accuses you of being mentally ill—and you think Good. That’s right. I’m not safe. I’m real.

— A partner only wants you for sex or protection, treating you like a tool—and you love it. Because it means you’re finally being used like a man, not nurtured like a woman.

— A gay cis guy flirts with you, then panics when he realizes you’re trans—and that panic gives you an ego high. He thought you were a man. You made him want you.

— You fantasize about beating someone to death with your bare hands. Not because they deserve it—but because being that capable of violence feels validating.

[velvetvexations]

"Women do traditionally feminine stuff because they are afraid of the men in their lives." Hilarious, because for me growing up all of the worst misogyny I faced was at the hands of other women, usually family and friends, and whenever I caved into the pressure to do feminine things I didn't want to it was specifically because I was seeking the approval of other women. None of the men in my life have ever forced femininity on me the way the cis women have. The people who made fun of me for dressing "badly" and not shaving and spread rumors I was secretly a boy were all girls. I kept trying to get into makeup, not because I wanted boys to think I was cute(all the guys who've shown interest in me have actually liked me just fine the way I am), but because I wanted the women around me to see me as one of them and I never felt like I was.

Even when women aren't pressuring me to do girly things I still feel the pressure because I'm the only woman I know who doesn't and it makes me feel like a freak. I don't care what the men around me think, a guy getting weird about my not shaving or wearing makeup would be instantly disqualified from my dating pool without a second thought, being raised a feminist very quickly inoculated me against giving a shit what men think, but the women? My whole life I have been trying so hard to be one of them and it's still hard work to ignore the annoying internalized patriarchal cisheteronormative bullshit in my head making me think I need to be more like them and less like me. And I genuinely don't know if there will ever come a day when I can hang out in a group of women and not feel like an imposter just waiting to be discovered and killed.

And I know that my experiences aren't universal any more than the person who originally said that's are, but like. It's just wild to me that trans people especially will chalk all of the pressure to conform to gender roles up to shitty men and completely ignore how heavily the patriarchy incentivizes women to not only violently police each other's femininity but also destroy ourselves seeking the approval of the very women who are violently policing our femininity.

EXACTLY.

I love cis women who our allies with all my heart and soul, but we need to stop being desperate for their approval. The cis women who DO care about us would be the first to admit they as a category need to do a lot better, so why do we pussyfoot around them being just as horrible to us as cis men can be?

With trans women it feels like we're just trying to link arms under the exact same oppressive patriarchy because it feels like that's what being a woman is, haha yeah, men hate us, I mean they hate us in different ways and you hate us too but what matters above all else is that we're the exact same thing right? Oh, sorry, like seventy percent of you don't believe that and are violently disgusted by the thought of coming anywhere near me? But I also fear men!

And trans men...

"Women are soooo scared of me, yeah you better cover your drink around trans men too, I mean not that I would do anything personally, but I could, because I'm a man, and that means I could oppress and hurt you, theoretically!"

Listen, bro, most cis women aren't scared of you, they're laughing at you, and frankly so am I, not because it's impossible for a trans man to be a person who's intimidating, but because you're so needy for validation that you've developed a patriarchy fetish you can't turn off.

None of this is to say we should ignore the crimes of cis men or that cis women aren't also another marginalized class, and again, I love cis women who're trans allies, they're amazing, wonderful people and I would never want to leave them behind or seem ungrateful.

[homestuckreplay]

A point came up in discussion with my friends about how Homestuck treats the notion of sex (as in, a supposed biological basis for gender as rooted in sexual reproduction) that arguably the first stage in the comic's future progressive dissolution of that notion is John "fathering" himself and the other kids (guardians included) via the means of ectobiology, rather than the usual human means of reproduction - something I think becomes deliciously ironic given later transgender readings of their character, if presumably not an intended reading at this time. Do you have any thoughts on this?

this is a SUPER interesting read that I’m going to be thinking about a lot – I honestly wish I had more thoughts, so I might add to this later if anything else comes to me, but here’s what I have so far!

I think ectobiology is inherently queer, as there’s no reason why a kid made that way would need two parents of different sexes. any couple could have a biological kid by mixing their slime, and a baby could also have three or four bio parents at once. as you say, the person performing the ectobiology doesn’t have to be one of the bio parents, analogous to something like surrogacy in our world. so ectobiology levels the playing field for what reproduction and parenthood can be, without privileging ‘cis man + cis woman conceiving a child via sex’ as the gold standard that all other methods are compared to.

In our world, it’s AFAB people who do the work of pregnancy and childbirth, which causes society to see parenthood as gendered. mothers are perceived as primary caregivers, as more inherently nurturing than fathers, as finding it easier to bond with their children, etc., even though these things aren’t always true in practice. ectobiology happens in external lab equipment, so people of any sex have equal capability of doing the work of creating a child. this breaks down the distinction between motherhood and fatherhood, making it harder for society to see them as separate roles.

In sexual reproduction, kids are assigned a sex at birth and usually raised differently because of that, with expectations for their gender and personality. societally, sex is privileged over gender – it’s seen as either the source of gender (for cis people) or something we’re transgressing (trans and nonbinary people). ectobiology doesn’t work like that, because it encodes personality traits as well as genetics. Bro loves puppets, so when he’s cloned in baby form, the first thing he does is find a puppet to curl up with, because that’s hard coded into him instead of being an interest he developed across his life. it’s possible that John has inherited ‘male genetic phenotype’ from Grandpa and ‘female gender identity’ from Nanna, and if so, ectobiology holds those things as equally important instead of one preceding the other. so being trans isn’t a deviation from the norm, it’s an equally valid and likely experience to being cis.

In our world, someone parenting themself happens when their guardians’ parenting is incomplete, so kids (or adults!) have to teach themselves about things their guardians missed. cis kids are more likely to get sex education and information about puberty from a guardian (often one of the same sex). trans and queer people usually have to do that research ourselves. so John being their own parent (ie creating themself) represents how John’s dad taught them about male gender roles + cis male puberty, but John will later have to teach themself about what it means to be trans + how transitioning works. biologically and socially, John is both the cause and effect of their own identity. that’s kind of beautiful, right?

[rivetgoth]

Can I be honest I see tguys say stuff like this all the time and it’s just so fucking crazy sounding to me. I can’t believe how many of them felt some kind of camaraderie or community with cis women. I was consistently ostracized by women and girls in my life for my not being able to successfully assimilate into girlhood/womanhood and almost exclusively friends with boys through my entire childhood. My closest “female” friends growing up literally all came out as FTM around the same time I did. When I was fully “female”-passing pre-everything closeted etc I was still treated like a freak for being in the women’s room & at the very minimum was presumed gay throughout middle and high school to the point that I was called slurs & people would tease me by asking me how lesbians have sex with each other etc. I don’t mean to like invalidate people or say that these people’s experiences aren’t valid but I just think it’s crazy how common of a narrative “lamenting losing your community with fellow women” is in the FTM community when not only is that like a lifetime away from my experience but tooooons of WOMEN I know don’t even feel a universal camaraderie with fellow women 😭 Black women, trans women, autistic women, butch women (and obviously all those categories can overlap), even just cis women who were Weird Girls, I’ve talked to many who didn’t feel any of what OP is describing…

Crazier too (& I always see comments like this too) is people in the comments of this post being like “yeah OP being a man sucks because men are so cruel to each other and aren’t gentle and warm like women are and men’s bathrooms suck and are nasty and grimy and you can’t compliment women without being seen as a creep,” and I also don’t get that shit. Just detransition if you hate being a man that much bro I’m out here living as a man because I want to. I remember the time this goofy trans guy wrote some article going on and on about how the men’s restroom is a cold disgusting space of toxic masculinity and internalized homophobia and how men are performatively cruel to each other in there so they don’t seem gay or something and it was just. Incomprehensible to me (I’d seen that article and hated it before this even happened, but that SAME GUY later wrote some insane “how to pick up trans girls” article about how to seduce trans girls that was literally insanely dehumanizing, creepy, and misogynistic, shocker). I’ve been in men’s rooms all over the damn place in conservative areas liberal areas in foreign countries and men’s bathrooms are just. Fine. They’re fine. I think it’s really overshooting to assume some unspoken hostility when men in bathrooms aren’t super social because the social dynamic of men’s rooms has always made perfect sense to me lmao the goal is to spend as little time around the damn toilets as possible and just do your business and get out without bothering people or holding anyone up.

Idk. I don’t really have a uniform thesis in all this I just think it’s one of the most bizarre frequent things I see from the FTM community—so many guys seem to genuinely hate being men and feel that they felt some warm connected community with womanhood and this even comes out in way more genuinely toxic ways, the guy who wrote the weird “how to seduce trans women” drivel being case in point, or like, mis/degendering trans women by claiming they don’t understand the like innate female connection™️ that they have or by sounding like straight up incels being like “oh women are so beautiful and soft and kind meanwhile as a man I’m forced to be alone and suffer in silence the male loneliness epidemic is real” or whatever. Like I’d understand and be much more interested in analysis from trans men about the pitfalls of identifying with manhood in relation to patriarchal power structures or how harrowing it can be to be accepted as a man in a community of men and be made privy to the way some men will so brazenly speak about women in their presence and how to navigate that, but it’s never even about hating manhood as an oppressive force or dealing with actual bigotry from fellow men, it’s about feeling like manhood is isolating and lonely while womanhood is warm and connected and community-oriented and I just find that kinda batshit and just not. True. I have cishet male friends who tell me they love me, who offer to go with me into the bathroom to help me throw up if I’m too drunk, who wish me happy birthday with heart emojis…

I honestly think a lot of the problem here is that a lot of trans men have exclusively female friends pre-coming out (which again is still kinda wild to me, but w/e) and then when they do come out and begin transitioning feel the divide form between them and their cisgender girl friends and become convinced this is some epidemic of male isolation rather than like. Just the reality of having old friends who you could relate to more at a different point in your life. I think making more male, trans, and LGBT in general friends would really make a difference for these people. And just generally making friends that are contingent on more than “we were assigned the same sex at birth.” As an adult now I’m pretty discerning with who I’m friends with and I have amazing friends who are both cis men and women & trans men and women and I don’t feel like I have trouble relating to them or feeling left out by any of them. I guess ultimately it’s harmless unless it becomes the weird spiraling incel stuff I was talking about before but I find it kinda incomprehensible how often “I hate being a man” is uttered in spaces comprised of people who are undergoing massive trial and tribulation medically, physically, socially, financially, etc with the express purpose of being a man.

[witchesofvaliant]

My Take on Worshipping & Working with Ares

(Disclaimer: "My take" means my personal opinion and deriving heavily from my own experience.)

I work with Ares primarily in Shadow Work, and worship/work with him heavily in my practice.

1: The Misconceptions

I see a lot of "I work with Ares, so I work out all the time for him", and while exercise is wonderful for the body, and I myself love to get in a good walk, I have never devoted that to Ares. I am not saying you shouldn't, but the reason I mention it at all is the fact that many people equate working with Ares or those who do as muscle-headed gym bros who are always having to exercise or have to prove their masculinity. As a computer nerd who doesn't have exercise in their daily life and has chronic disabilities/illness that make that harder, I just don't do that. If I can, I take a good long walk for an hour or two about twice or once a week (if I can), that's mostly as far as it goes. In terms of proving my masculinity? Why? Let's dispense with the antiquated gender roles that say we have to assign the tough masculine aura to the cis guys. I am a trans male who has no issue looking feminine and being both a Queen and a King, that's just how it is. Ares can tell me himself if he has an issue with it, but he never has. And after getting to know him for some time, personally, he's not the type to give a fuck about your gender presentation. That also means, you don't have to be a guy to work with him, as I have also seen before.

Now, if we're trying to be true to the ancient Greek times, he was the primary deity worshipped in Sparta, and once the Romans adopted (which is putting it nicely) the Greek deities into their belief system, Mars was used as the primary deity equivalent to Zeus (Jupiter as he was called), with the common epithet to represent him being Mars Ultor, basically a title of greatness and power for him. He was used to inspire and push young men in those times toward a great strength and motivation in terms of military service as that was a greater focus in their culture than it was in the Greek culture (Not that the Greeks couldn't fight of course, they had their war deities, and Ares was one of them, but there IS a massive shift in the Greek and Roman mindsets when involving war, too much to get into). Now, here's where I stop, as I'm not an expert on Greco-Roman history and the two cultures, but it should demonstrate the point well at least on where these ideas so many people are spreading come from and why many think they're valid for everyone.

2: Worship

I tend to worship him by simple prayer. I take the knife I have and meditate with it, praying to him or simply talking. Sometimes, I don't even take the knife Lol. He's honestly a very simple person to deal with in my experience. You don't need to do fancy shit for him as devotional acts, he values respect and honor above all, so if you are giving that and offering this to him, he's a very pleased guy. I can't and don't use candles or fire in my practice, but my fire element/offering is going into a game and killing some bad guys. Is it semi-stereotypical in terms of the aggression? Kind of. Is it more focused on lessening my own stress and self-control so I'm taking my stress and anger out in a game than on people? Yes, and usually this isn't done FOR Ares, this is done more in terms of working on myself as agreed upon with Ares. Which goes into our next subject.

3: Work

Working with Ares is a huge part of my relationship with him (don't get me wrong, I love to just exist with him and listen to Fallout Boy too) but it's here where I have much more to say as I have always focused on Shadow Work in my life, and that only increased when I started my practice and my move away from the toxic Christianity I was raised with. Ares was not the first to work with me on this, and I had to work on some stuff myself just to be open to the idea of working with other deities. But in terms of Ares, he has been someone that I feel a strong connection to because of the heart, not my masculinity, not fighting others and exercising, but more because of the internal struggles and survival for my life I have had throughout my entire life. Be it with illness, my heart and trauma, or defending others, mainly my little brother, but all these thins took an internal struggle, not am external one. I find I work with him purely in terms of internal survival (either against physical or mental illness) and Shadow Work, which means understanding my heart, my will, and how to overcome the pain that has broken those things in my past. THIS part of him, is the part I rarely see anyone say anything about. Or everyone pairs him with Aphrodite and says this is their thing. I don't understand why it can't be him alone, I have hardly ever worked or dealt with Aphrodite, and while I give her respect and have given her my prayer, she is rarely there as my path just doesn't flow that way.

And also.. Why does no one talk about the fact that Ares can connect to illness too? In my opinion, he connects to illness through the issue of having to fight through it or even fight to keep someone alive.

I love embracing him as someone that doesn't require you to be a cis man with a six pack, or fight a literal war or fight other people just to work with him, and I really want to stress that you don't have to be these things, or change who you are as a person or fit into any requirement to work with him, and you don't have to do this with any deity either. You bring yourself first, that's all you truly need to bring to them, yourself and an open mind and ears to listen.

(Damn, this was long, hope people actually read this rant lmao)

If you got to the end, congratulations! And thank you for reading, I deeply appreciate that and you! 💖

[just-ray]

Just finished a meet up with my friends, some of whom have some opinions on transgenderism that I dissagree with and im shy to express my oppinions sometimes in case i conduct myself badly so I need to detox by yelling my opinions at tumblr into the void

I THINK GENDERFLUID PEOPLE ARE REAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NEOPRONOUNS ARE VALID LIKE OMFG WHK CARES JUST RESLECT PEOPLE WHY U GOTTA GO OFF AT THEM FOR NO REASON BRO THEY JUST LIVING!!!!

TRANS WOMEN SHOULDN'T HAVE TO BE CONSERVATIVE FOR YOU TO RESPECT THEM!!!!!

THERE IS LITERALLY NO REASON TO COMPARE THE HOLOCAUST AND STALINS REGIEME THEY WERE BOTH HORRIBLE!!

IF A TRANS WOMAN COMMITS AN ATROCITY YOU SHOULDN'T RANDOMLY START MISGENDERING HER, BECAUSE THAT AFFECTS ALL TRANS PEOPLE BC IT MAKES IT SEEM LIKE TRANS ACCEPTANCE IS CONDITIONAL GIRL IDK IM NOT A TRANS WOMAN IM NOT EVEN A WOMAN I JUST FEEL LIKS YOU SHOULD CALL HER OUT ON WHAT SHE DID LIKE JUST BECAUSE YOU LOOSE RESPECT FOR HER AS A PERSON DOSENT MEAN YOU HAVE TO LOOSE BELIEF IN HER AS A WOMAN IDK

NONBIANARY PEOPLE ARENT SECRETLY CONFUSED TRANS/CIS MEN/WOMEN

INTERSEX PEOPLE SHOULD GET TO IDENTIFY WITH THE QUEER COMMUNITY IF THEY CHOOSE TO, WHICH THEH WONT ALWAYS AND THATS OKAY TOO

"WOKE" USUALLY JJST MEANS "HAS A DECENT BASIC LEVEL OF RESPECT FOR PEOPLE"

[random-thought-depository]

This post (which I can't reblog, and which I'm pretty sure is about aromanticism, see their tags) is, like, I want to write some sort of response to it but I'm not even sure where to start.

Like, yes, it is true that at least in pretty big parts of the world it's normal and at this point pretty normative for men to have casual sex. And what I think that person is actually getting at is there are a lot of hostile sexist men who approach heterosexual courtship in an adversarial exploitative way, and if hostile sexist men of this type were actually trying to do entryism to the LGBT/queer community via defining their adversarial exploitative approach to heterosexual sex as "aromanticism" letting them do that would be a very "so open-minded you've let your brain fall out" move. I don't agree with their claim that "cishet man who is emotionally uninvested in his sexual partners" is "the majority guy ... this is the normal way for cishet men to be," but that's not a necessary claim for their argument.

But:

1) IME "emotionally uninvested in your sexual partners" is not actually what "aromanticism" means in the dialect of people who are actually likely to claim it as an identity or defend the idea that it's a valid LGBT/queer identity. IME they're much more likely to talk about having friends-with-benefits type relationships with friends than to talk about the sort of sexual behavior I'd expect from hostile sexist straight men who just want to "score" with people whose company they don't desire for its own sake. They might be uwuifying their own sexual behavior to present a more socially acceptable persona, but...

2) I think the kind of hostile sexist guy who takes an adversarial exploitative approach to courtship is pretty unlikely to unironically identify as aromantic. This is the point on which I'm honestly most tempted to reciprocate that person's "is this your first day on Earth?" attitude toward people who think like me. Seriously, imagine how a guy who fits the negative stereotypes of PUAs or frat bros would react if you suggested to him that his adversarial exploitative attitude toward the women he sexually desires makes him "aromantic" and therefore queer. I don't think men like that want into the LGBT/queer community, by-in-large! Quite the opposite! Men like that are more likely to associate with and value inclusion in social groups in which perceived proximity to queerness would decrease, not increase, their popularity and clout.

I think if a straight cis man self-identifies as queer on the basis of being aromantic, it's pretty likely the experience he's using that self-description to articulate is something pretty different from fitting the negative stereotypes of how frat bro types relate to women. A guy who fit the negative stereotypes of how frat bro types relate to women would probably hang out with others guys like himself, and self-identifying as queer would probably decrease, not increase, his popularity and clout with those guys. I don't think a lot of guys are going to claim to be aromantic as a cynical dating/sexual strategy either; maybe some guy somewhere might self-describe as aromantic as part of a cynical strategy get into the pants of some Smith College types, but I think the kind of guy who might do that is actually not that common and the kind of guy who might do that would be more likely to adopt a persona tailored to appeal to more socially conventional women.

Like, I'm not going to say "hostile sexist man claims the adversarial exploitative way he relates to women he wants to have sex with is aromanticism" is something that never happens, the world is vast and various, but I don't think it happens on any significant scale, I don't think it's a threat we should be strategizing around on a scale above, like, small-scale friend groups who find themselves directly dealing with such a guy.

I went back and forth on whether I should tag that person in this or not (they seem a combination of logical and maybe unfamiliar with how ace/aro people self-describe that makes me think I might actually be able to change their mind about this to some extent, I would like to!), in the end I decided them making the post unrebloggable was a pretty clear implicit statement that they preferred not to have more engagement on it and it's probably better to not bring this to their attention.

[cursecuelebre]

This is going to be a ramble but I think it brings up a important discussion in the pagan community such as Pagan witches. Now to preface I’m a witch and I identify as so but I think it’s important to bring up how some pagans do not accept witchcraft in the community. I’m talking about mostly Hellenic or Norse pagan communities but I’m sure there is others like it. Either groups or certain people may not accept you because you’re a witch, it’s strange because it is.

Our ancestors and those who practice in these religions had forms magic respectively speaking more acceptable than today. However there was still prejudice against witchcraft, the ancient world was very superstitious. In the Viking age Sedir was considered to be the magic of women, which involved activities of which a socially acceptable form of women would do like weaving or spinning. There was homophobia during this time as they thought of a man who practiced Sedir was homosexual by doing homosexual acts would take another man’s power away. Seidr has a sexual symbolically of the birds and the bees of the woman and a phallus (I’m not going into detail) but they saw Sedir could’ve have had a erotic connection to it. Now in modern day pagans some I should say even groups forbid or look down at a man that practices Seidr as the excuse of being “only women does this” or “You’re practicing baneful magic” to men. I’ve heard people say Seidr is baneful magic which is highly misinformed it’s another shamanic practice that involves a lot of divination, chanting, spirit work, etc. anyone can do this. Last time I checked, Allfather is the god of Seidr gifted to mankind. Same with Hellenic polytheists who think magic would “command” the gods which again not true that was a superstition. The gods do not care of you practice magic, they probably ask why are you doing so especially if you’re incorporating them into your practice. Hekate is the goddess that protects from evil magic but she also advocates it. Cursing is a valid practice, especially if said curse is to someone who is abusing their power. The Norse gods especially Odin would not care if a man practices Seidr you can be straight or Queer and practice that path. As a woman you (a man or man presenting) can practice this magical path. Witchcraft is different in every culture but it changes perspective through the ages. How we see magic now is probably not how the Ancients saw it like having an oracle see visions and channel the gods using herbalism.

Historical evidence aside modern pagans misunderstands what witchcraft is and why a lot of pagans use it. Yes you don’t have to be a pagan to practice witchcraft vice versa. Modern pagans will still have religious tramua from a Christian perspective of witchcraft especially if they read something in a historical context. Though yes some magic in these cultures were at times considered to be taboo, illegal, disgusting, it should not be anymore especially in this day and age. Times change, I’m not saying a pagan who isn’t a witch needs to become one but rather educate oneself before shouting out their opinions. Amount of times I have been taunted in comment sections of certain groups because I posted a poppet which they thought it was baneful magic off the bat is a problem, that I’m not allowed into certain groups because I made poppets as physical representations of the gods them not realizing poppet work is very prevalent within Scandinavian culture which their called Kitchen poppets. Just having the old outdated of “men shouldn’t be practicing Seidr because it’s evil if they do so.” Like it’s an insult to their manhood or what it means to be a man. It goes into toxic masculinity as well of Bro Viking culture, I should mention it’s mostly cis and straight men repeating these awful points but there are some women as well.

I want to make people aware that witches can be outcasted and bullied even in pagan communities. I understand it’s not everyone’s experience but it still happens and it needs to be addressed and talk about more in my opinion.

[transfemme-shelterdog]

what do i do if i might be gay for trans men but i don't want to be gay or come out? i can't even feel straight and morally superior by going "well technically-" like with trans women because it's disrespectful misgendering to associate them with womanhood to feel better about myself, and because it's inaccurate to the reality of my attraction to them. i... i like them *because* they're dudes :(. i *prefer* when they medically transition and/or are manly. i like trans men better than cis people for sure, male (thank god) or female (unfortunately). i honestly find all trans and gnc people to be quite alluring, but of course i gotta end up liking the dude ones the best :(. there's no way to de-homoify these thoughts and it's too late to stop now (i've tried) because it's been like this since before i even knew about being gay or trans people. (i have uh. quite the imagination. i also wanted a nonbinary kid which. how did i come up with that independently? i guess it really is something humans discover over and over, not something we recently invented for the first time.) i've done a lot of work to get people to stop calling me gay and a sissy and a radical left lunatic as much, i don't want to give that up just because i want a bromance where i can suck a guy's tdick like a pacifier and to have normal shirtless bro time together until the day i can trace his top surgery scars with my fingers in the sunlight and so on. i'm worried that they'll use the dynamic to call us both girls and gay and lesbians and incorrectly straight and etc. all at once, i'd be very upset by that. the few times i've seen gay trans men, that's always what's said about them, their boyfriends (cis or trans), and their relationships (and they say more things too). i didn't know porn videos could be thumbs downed and hate commented on by so many people until i looked up trans guys, either (Very different from when it's about cishet sexual relations, i must say). not that it matters, because i wouldn't know how to find a trans guy who likes me OR how to maintain a secret gay relationship while i'm still a young man that i don't tell my future lately-acquired wife about ever anyways... oh the horrors of this predicament... at least now i know there's someone else out there that sees them the same way i do (really cool and hot, manly, everything about them is attractive, genuinely good men that are worth having in your life, a real option you're allow to actively desire). should i give up or do you think i should try it one day? should i wait and see if i can stop being afraid of homosexuality first? (i'm the opposite of when people say "i'm not homo/transphobic because i'm not afraid of them!" i strongly believe in lgbt rights, but it's definitely a phobia for me. i'm very scared of the idea that i'll never be able to escape from being [seen as] queer, especially if it's because i couldn't resist a man [which threatens my manhood].) also, is it transphobic of me to have such a strong preference for trans men, but dislike cis men the most? or am i cool because i see their manhood as more valid and certain and earned than a typical cis man's? or is that worse? idk i just have more respect for the guys that think for themselves and are making proactive efforts against the world's judgements to do what they want and need (erm what the sigma? alpha male moment), and they just so happen to be my version of the ideal male body. and i like their penises for their dick qualities (because that's what they are: dicks.) (i'm sorry this is long and intense, but you're the liking trans guys expert so...)

Ok wow, lot of text there. I'll do my best to answer everything you asked:

what do i do if i might be gay for trans men but i don't want to be gay or come out?

I mean, you don't have to adopt the label of gay. There's androsexual, and achillean. Maybe these fit you better? Take a look. There could be more labels, but I'm not super well versed in MLM sexualities, so I'll let someone else deal with that.

Also, you coming out as whatever sexuality you want is your call. You don't need to ever if you don't want to.

i'm worried that they'll use the dynamic to call us both girls and gay and lesbians and incorrectly straight and etc. all at once, i'd be very upset by that. the few times i've seen gay trans men, that's always what's said about them, their boyfriends (cis or trans), and their relationships (and they say more things too).

Yeah, people can be assholes. But those that would call you that would find any other reason to be cruel. You're (I assume) a trans guy, you're into trans guys, that's not lesbian by any means (unless you both identify as transmasc lesbians). Ignore the haters, they don't mean shit.

i wouldn't know how to find a trans guy who likes me OR how to maintain a secret gay relationship while i'm still a young man that i don't tell my future lately-acquired wife about ever anyways

Ok... so you're a trans man, married to a woman, and want to also be intimate with trans men on the side? Word of advice, don't keep it a secret. That's not going to end well. I'd advise you that if you really want to hook up with a trans man, tell your wife. Talk to her about it. Maybe she's ok with it, and that way you can get permission to sleep around. If she's not, then you should have a talk about the future of the relationship. It won't last if you're fucking men (or anyone) in secret on the side. She will find out.

should i give up or do you think i should try it one day? should i wait and see if i can stop being afraid of homosexuality first? (i'm the opposite of when people say "i'm not homo/transphobic because i'm not afraid of them!" i strongly believe in lgbt rights, but it's definitely a phobia for me. i'm very scared of the idea that i'll never be able to escape from being [seen as] queer, especially if it's because i couldn't resist a man [which threatens my manhood].)

If you wanna try it, go for it. Just talk to your wife and get permission first. Don't be a cheater. Also, fucking a guy, as a guy, has no bearing on your manhood. Do you think cis gay dudes are being turned into women when they fuck a guy from Grindr? Who you sleep with doesn't change your gender, or the validity of it.

also, is it transphobic of me to have such a strong preference for trans men, but dislike cis men the most? or am i cool because i see their manhood as more valid and certain and earned than a typical cis man's? or is that worse?

I don't think so. Being t4t is a thing, and it's totally valid for a number of reasons. If you're a trans dude and only wanna bang trans dudes, that's your call and it's totally valid. I myself find trans men more attractive than cis men, and I'm one of the least transphobic people around. You're totally cool to have that stance.

[olderthannetfic]

I saw a good post about the anti-BL creators of Western BL flavored stuff like Heartstopper and RWRB that was like: if they are so hell bent on the idea that their stuff is aimed at gay and bisexual men or boys, why did they not bother to look at any media by/for gay men? It’s not like that’s hard to find. Even if you’re just looking at stuff for teens like with Heartstopper author, most of the big YA books about gay or bi male characters are by gay male authors. Maybe try reading those. They’re clearly reading nothing but slash fanfic and maybe like M/M romance novels for women or like, idk, Check Please, and then going Shocked Pikachu Face when it turns out their books are way more popular with female audiences and Heartstopper TV has a famous gay man talk about how it’s clearly not for gay men and not how actual gay boys act.

And like… I don’t think there’s anything wrong with M/M stuff for women, the author of this post was clear that she didn’t think there was either. But these authors clearly wanted to make M/M for men so like… maybe talk to queer men or look at the media queer men are making for themselves if that is your goal! Less fanfic, more Looking or whatever.

It’s just the sheer fucking hubris of assuming that because they are some other flavor of queer and they’ve read some M/M fiction (slash fanfic) that they must know what it’s like to be every type of LGBTQ+ and don’t need to do any research to appeal to that audience.

--

They don't want to make m/m for cis gay male culture.

What they want is to have their current tastes validated in a "You're one of the boys and those other filthy fujos aren't!" way.

Trust me, this crap has been going on since the 90s and before. It's a common affliction of slash fans who want to be the most special. That goes for the trans men trying to assert their masculinity in a world that doesn't respect them as much as for the straight ladies who endlessly tell you about their Gay Best Friend. It's a disease that hits all parts of BL fandom.

It's just our local flavor of "Knitting isn't just for GIRLS anymore!" and "Now you can drink tea as a MAN!" startup bro insecurities. You know, the people being parodied here.

The best we can do is to keep laughing in their faces and keep treating BL as a marketing niche with genre conventions that's open to whomever shares that taste.

[still-a-morosexual-help]

Anyway shout out to the guy at the salon from over 3 yrs ago who was clearly distressed that I wanted my barely shoulder length hair to be cut even shorter, became even more distressed when I showed him a reference photo (of me from months prior), kept on trying to very nicely say that I looked like a guy in that photo - until I told him 'yeah ik that's the point' and you could see the light go on in his head and then he cheerfully but firmly said (roughly translated) 'I don't understand your lifestyle but I understand what you want, i'm here on mondays & fridays and i'll cut your hair however you want no questions asked' and then proceeded to complain about how his mother was trying to arrange a marraige for him

Of course then covid happened and later it became too expensive to justify getting your hair professionally cut but each time I do need to get it cut again I think of him

for more context: if you're not a cis man and live in a conservative country you probably know how hard it is to get hairdressers to cut your hair as short as you want, how much a struggle each appointment is because they will not listen to you - if you're not a man and you want a very short haircut you need very obviously feminine features/characteristics to back it up to show that 'yes I am actually a cis woman' and they'll give you a short haircut that emphasises those features. But if the haircut will actually make people mistake you for a man/make you androgynous then you'll have to fight for your life to get it

so the fact that once this guy clocked me his immediate response was 'i got u bro' was very validating

also the fact that his initial reluctance seemed to be stemming from a place of 'girl?? doesn't seem to know she straight up looks like a man in the photo?? should i tell her??' was hilarious

- hope you're doing well bro, hope the marriage thing worked out for you <3