#coaster soul: Lost Gravity

[tinytrexstudios]

@coastermaynia week 1!

Day 1: Top Thrill 2 from Cedar Point

Day 2: Hyperion from Energylandia

Day 3: Talon from Dorney Park

Day 4: Lost Gravity from Walibi Holland

Day 5: Good Gravy! from Holiday World

Day 6: Valkyria from Liseberg

Day 7: Outlaw Run from Silver Dollar City

[scriveyner]

southern air 4/4

southern air | 4/4 | bungou stray dogs | 👿🐯 | sskk² | rated M | ~3.1k

“Good morning,” Atsushi called, waving, as they crossed the busy entrance of the park. The crowd was pretty thick already, but Acchan was sitting on Dazai’s shoulders this morning, and he spotted Atsushi across the crowd and started waving with both arms excitedly, causing Dazai to stagger as he shifted his weight.

Continue on AO3 or:

Ryuu-chan stood up on the bench he was sitting on next to Chuuya. “Dad,” he called, holding a light purple plus seal over his head. “Look what I won!”

“Very nice,” Atsushi said, and Ryuu-chan offered it up to Akutagawa for inspection. He leaned forward and squinted very seriously at the stuffed animal, and then nodded his head once in approval. “How did you win it?”

“Chuuya-oji helped me knock over bottles,” Ryuu-chan said and clutched his prize to his chest.

“Helped?” Atsushi asked, eyebrow raised.

“Helped,” Chuuya agreed with a nod and a sharp grin. “They can’t help they rig the games, and I can’t help that my gravity ability mysteriously short-circuits around cheats and frauds.”

Akutagawa rumbled in amusement. “Were you on your best behavior for your oji-tachi?” he asked Ryuu-chan.

Ryuu-chan and Acchan exchanged guilty looks. “Kinda,” Ryuu-chan said.

Atsushi looked at Chuuya, who indicated Dazai with his thumb. “Dazai lost ‘em for a bit.”

Very slowly, in perfect unison, Akutagawa and Atsushi turned to look at Dazai. Dazai almost took a step backward but one leg was already butted up against the green bench. “I didn’t lose them,” he said defensively. “We just got separated for a little while.”

“He turned his back, and they followed the parade,” Chuuya added conversationally. Dazai shot him a dirty look.

“If I lost them, that means you lost them too. But I didn’t lose them, so the point is moot.”

Acchan put both his hands in Dazai’s hair and leaned forward, forcing his head down. “There were pirates,” he said emphatically. “And a big huge pirate ship! That was rolling on land! It was so cool!”

“Chuuya-oji had to come get us,” Ryuu-chan said and pointed to a landmark behind them, a tall, thin tower that allowed parkgoers to see the entire amusement park from above. “We were up there, but he made a bunch of ladies shout and everything.”

“And we had to leave a little early,” Chuuya said. “It was an interesting afternoon.”

Akutagawa looked at Atsushi and held out his hand, and Atsushi folded his arms. “We share a bank account! I’m not giving you any money for being right.”

“Your gambling losses fill a void in my soul, weretiger. Pay up.”

“We’re not that predictable,” Dazai said defensively, and Chuuya sighed, elbows on his knees and hanging his head. “Are we…?”

Atsushi asked, “How many times did Acchan throw up on you?”

“Only the once, and—” Dazai frowned, and stared at Atsushi for a moment. “I don’t like it when you do that, Atsushi-kun.”

“Well, he didn’t learn it from me,” Akutagawa said, and Dazai’s frown grew deeper.

“I wanna ride on the scrambler again!” Acchan said, jabbing his finger in the distance, in what was presumably the direction of the ride. “And I wanna ride on a roller coaster!”

“I don’t think you’ve miraculously grown tall enough for the roller coaster overnight,” Chuuya said, and Acchan groaned in disappointment. Dazai opened his mouth, but Chuuya kept talking. “And we can absolutely ride the scrambler again, just not immediately after you eat.”

Acchan climbed down from Dazai’s shoulders, and Dazai winched, rubbing his neck. “Ryuu-chan will ride the scrambler with me!” he said, grabbing Ryuu-chan by the wrist. “Let’s go!”

Rashomon gently looped around both Acchan and Ryuu-chan’s chests. “Just a moment,” Akutagawa said, and Acchan made a frustrated noise, still attempting to run against the harness. “No running off again.”

Acchan let out a disgruntled groan and went limp against the restraint, hanging there with his limbs dangling. Ryuu-chan stood beside him and looked unimpressed, while Akutagawa ignored the overwrought baby weretiger theatrics completely. “Are we doing rides this early?”

“Figured we would,” Chuuya said. “Get some rides in before we stuff the small vomit rockets full of greasy amusement park food and then we can hit the waterpark for the rest of the day, since we missed out yesterday.”

“I haven’t thrown up at all,” Ryuu-chan made a point of saying.

“They haven’t eaten yet today?” Atsushi said, surprised, and Dazai shook his head.

“We had breakfast, uh, early.” He frowned. “I’m not sure they even slept. Acchan was crawling all over us before the sun was even up this morning.”

Atsushi and Akutagawa exchanged amused, knowing looks. “Daaaaad,” Acchan whined impatiently.

“I’ll ride the scrambler with you both,” Chuuya announced, catching Acchan and Ryuu-chan’s hands in either of his. “But we have to sit in a red car.”

Atsushi watched Chuuya hurry off with them and scratched his hand through his hair in amusement. “Chuuya-san likes the rides just as much as the kids do, doesn’t he?”

“Be careful, Atsushi-kun, he’s been eyeing the roller coasters,” Dazai warned, and Akutagawa snorted. “You may be corralled into riding them.”

Atsushi shrugged, unbothered. “They didn’t run you too ragged I hope, Dazai-san.”

Dazai looked off in the direction Chuuya had vanished in, with the kids. “Nah,” he said, looking strangely wistful for a moment. “Nothing we couldn’t handle, at least.”

=====

The kids rode the scrambler, and the bumper cars, and the carousel, and both Acchan and Ryuu-chan dragged on Akutagawa’s arms until he caved and deigned to get on the swings with them. Atsushi got a fantastic picture of Akutagawa sitting in the bucket swing, arms folded, face extremely deadpan, his hair flapping back as they rode the attraction.

“I am making this my new background,” he announced, already tapping away at his phone and ignoring the glare from Akutagawa.

“No,” Akutagawa said firmly to the spinning cups ride. “You will not trick me into that abomination again.” He and Atsushi stood on the sidelines for that one, watching as Dazai and Ryuu-chan rotated at a sedate pace in one cup while the absolute blur of Chuuya and Acchan going by was making even Atsushi a bit motion-sick. Atsushi couldn’t get a picture to save his life, but he did a video of Acchan unable to walk in a straight line for a solid five minutes after exiting the ride.

“Okay, I think that’s enough of rides for a bit,” Dazai said, and Chuuya hooked his arm through Atsushi’s, catching him off guard as he tried to get another picture.

“That means it’s grown-up rides time,” he announced, and before Atsushi could get a word of protest edgewise he was yanked away, practically dragged after Chuuya with neither a bye nor leave.

Akutagawa watched them go, and then turned to the kids. “Anyone hungry?” he asked, already knowing the answer. It provided an ample distraction, as Acchan was looking upset at being left behind from the ride he really wanted to go on but was far too small for.

“I want pizza!” Acchan announced, and Ryuu-chan thought about it for a moment before agreeing.

They picked a food vendor not far from the boulevard where all the carnival games were, parting the flow of traffic through the arcade. They could hear the screams of rides even from here, a roller coaster rattling nearby with regularity, which didn’t distract the ravenous children even slightly. Between the two of them, they polished off nearly an entire pizza, which would have been a considerable feat if one of the six-year-olds wasn’t a bottomless pit.

“Are those the rigged games?” Akutagawa asked, sitting opposite the children at a picnic table. Dazai was seated beside him, gangly legs sprawled out to the side and drinking a beer, uninterested in the pizza. “They must be making a fortune.”

“Eh, they let people win now and again,” Dazai said. “It’s less actual games of skill and more straight gambling that you’ll be the lucky one chosen to show that people can win.” He tilted his cheek against his hand thoughtfully. “Why, Akutagawa-kun, are you thinking about causing a problem?”

Akutagawa gave Dazai a side-eye. “No,” he said flatly, then indicated with his head. At one of the booths there were enormous stuffed animals, all of them bigger than both kids put together—and one of them was a cartoonishly proportioned white tiger with enormous eyes. “I was thinking the weretiger would hate that and I absolutely want to make him carry it around all day.”

Dazai snickered. “I bet we could make it happen.”

Akutagawa smirked.

=====

Atsushi, exiting the ride, was presented with a very large, somehow moving, white tiger plush. He stopped dead in the middle of the walkway and Chuuya just walked full into his back, rebounded, and said, “th’ fuck, what did you stop for—?” He leaned around Atsushi. “What the fuck is that?”

Muffled, from underneath, came Acchan’s voice. “DAD LOOK WHAT I WON!”

Atsushi opened his mouth, closed it, and covered his mouth with his hand.

The rear of the stuffed animal hoisted a little higher—bolstered by Rashomon tentacles immediately recognizable as the color of Ryuu-chan’s shirt. “It’s so big,” he heard Ryuu-chan grunt, and the front started moving independently of the back as Acchan tried to decide where they were headed next.

The other parkgoers gave them wide berth, thankfully. Chuuya started laughing as soon as he realized there were kids manning the stuffed animal like worker ants carrying leaves, and Atsushi looked around until he spotted Akutagawa standing not far away, holding a comically oversized drink with a bendy stray that had loops and spirals that could only have been Ryuu-chan’s pick.

Dazai was conspicuously absent.

Atsushi gave his husband his best death glare from across the stretch of pavement, which never worked out for him but he always gave it a shot. “That’s, uh, great, Acchan,” he said, thankful that the tiger blocked most of Atsushi’s clearly displeased expression. “What are you going to do with it?”

Acchan popped his head out from under the beast’s jaw. “I named him Oscar,” he said.

“…Oscar?”

Chuuya was laughing so hard he could barely keep upright. “I suggested Siegfried,” Dazai said, turning up behind Chuuya. “No one listens to my suggestions.” He had multiple beers balanced in his palm.

“Isn’t the alcohol supposed to be kept in the designated areas?” Atsushi asked with a sigh but didn’t turn away the beer Dazai offered him.

“We’ve already been kicked out of this park once, what are they going to do, kick us out again?”

“Yes, that’s usually how these things tend to go,” Atsushi stopped in front of Akutagawa. “Really?”

“Acchan wanted to win a prize as well,” Akutagawa said. “He did it all by himself.”

“I did!” Acchan’s voice was muffled again, and he steered his tiger directly into the wall beside Akutagawa. Akutagawa made no effort to stop the impact, watching with some amusement as they bounced off the brick and fell over, unharmed. “It was so cool! Isn’t Oscar cool?”

“Sure is,” Atsushi said with a sigh. “Maybe you should let me carry Oscar for you, Acchan, before you and your brother get hurt.”

They ran ahead but kept in sight as Atsushi slung the enormous stuffed animal over his shoulders. “Good job,” he told Akutagawa. “It’s going to break their hearts to leave this monstrosity behind because it definitely will not fit in our luggage.”

“Ah, we can take it back,” Chuuya said, smacking Atsushi flat-handed between the shoulder blades.

“You’d have to buy a plane ticket for it, Chuuya-san. There’s no way it can go as luggage, and I can’t let you spend that sort of money on this cheap newspaper-filled thing.”

Dazai snorted. “Checked luggage? Did you really think we flew commercial?”

Akutagawa turned his head and stared at Chuuya. “You made us fly commercial with the children while you showed up in a private jet?”

Chuuya drained the last of his beer. “Being the boss has its perks,” he said, crumpling the plastic cup, and then polishing off Atsushi’s for good measure. “Besides, you wouldn’t have taken me up on it if I’d offered, it was hard enough getting you all here before Atsushi realized I’d covered everything.”

Atsushi sighed. “If you lose Oscar in transit, it won’t break my heart,” he said, as they headed toward the waterpark. “Really, it won’t. Please, please lose him in transit.”

“I think he should work for the Port Mafia,” Dazai said. “Give him Akutagawa’s old position.”

Chuuya got a thoughtful look on his face. “He’s actually considering it,” Akutagawa said dryly.

“Good. We could use the additional paycheck.”

“What was that about not taking Port Mafia money again, Atsushi-kun?”

“If Chuuya-san makes a stuffed tiger a Port Mafia executive, I will gladly take that money just for the sheer absurdity of it. And besides, I’d be taking the money from the tiger. The tiger is taking the money from the mafia.”

Dazai laughed. “Incredible.”

“Your rules-lawyering is once again unparalleled, weretiger,” Akutagawa said with a roll of his eyes, and Atsushi shrugged.

“Dad, Dad, come on! There are paddle boats!” Acchan stood on the wide bridge that spanned over a water feature full of people in colorful boats paddling past. He pointed at them. “Can we? Can we?”

“Your turn,” Atsushi said viciously to Akutagawa, as Ryuu-chan came running over to grab him by the arm and pull him in the direction of the water.

“Acchan is going to overturn that boat with all three of them in it,” Chuuya said.

“Yup,” Atsushi sat the tiger on a bench that faced the water and sat down beside it. He listened to the quick game of jankenpon, heard Chuuya grunt in annoyance, and go join Akutagawa and the kids in line, as Dazai plopped onto the bench on the other side of Oscar.

He passed Atsushi a small container of popcorn. “This should be good.”

=====

The shadows eventually grew long on the ground. The plan was initially to try to stay for the end-of-the-night fireworks display, but the kids weren’t going to make it. Atsushi carried Acchan on his back while Chuuya managed Oscar the Tiger instead; Ryuu-chan was somehow still on his feet but held tight to Dazai’s hand as he faded fast.

They paused to swap bags and belongings as they passed through the gates and back out of the park. Acchan yawned and waved at his stuffed tiger. “I’ll see you at home, Oscar,” he mumbled, putting his head against Atsushi’s shoulder.

Atsushi exhaled and smiled. “Dazai-san, Chuuya-san, thank you so much for this. You’ve really made this week special for the kids, we can’t ever repay it.”

Akutagawa lifted Ryuu-chan into his arms, nodding in agreement. “And special for us as well,” he added, and exchanged a soft look with Atsushi.

Chuuya clapped Akutagawa on the back, looking at Atsushi. “This is the sort of thing you do for family,” he said grandly. “I’m gonna spoil the fuck out of your kids, and you can’t stop me. And spoil the fuck outta you two as well.”

“And me,” Dazai chimed in, but Chuuya waved him off dismissively.

“Occasionally him. When he deserves it.”

“Thank you, Chuuya-san.”

Chuuya took a step back and folded one elbow over Oscar’s head, leaning on the enormous plush. “And that. Can it with the formality, jeez.”

“Thank you, Chuuya-oji,” Akutagawa said completely deadpan, and Chuuya groaned while Dazai laughed.

“Okay, fine, I asked for that.” He tapped Oscar’s head. “Enjoy your last few days, we’ll see you when you get home.”

Ryuu-chan and Acchan were both completely out by the time they got back to the hotel; neither even woke to complain when Akutagawa dressed them in their pajamas and tucked them into the bed they were sharing. “Out like lights,” Akutagawa confirmed, closing the balcony door behind him to join Atsushi at the railing.

The sun was just barely past the horizon, pink streaks still fading into twilight. Atsushi put his arm around Akutagawa’s side, and Akutagawa leaned into him. They rested their heads against each other, looking out over the ocean.

Atsushi let out a contented sigh and shifted, turning his head just slightly, and Akutagawa moved to match him, kissing him gently as the stars began to twinkle high above their heads. In the distance they could hear the live music starting up again, carried on the ocean breeze.

The sun lays down inside the ocean, I’m right where I belong. Feel the air, the salt on my skin The future’s coming on And after living through these wild years And coming out alive I just want to lay my head here And stop running for a while.

=====

Atsushi juggled his keys and the luggage, opening the front door only to immediately close it again. “No.”

Acchan pushed past him, which was a good thing because Akutagawa was exhausted and in no mood to deal with any tomfoolery.

“OSCAR!” Acchan yelled; energy returned.

Sitting in the center of the main room was the enormous stuffed white tiger. It wore what looked like one of Chuuya’s old hats—not even close to large enough for the brim to brush either ear—giant gaudy pink novelty sunglasses, a tie, and an ID badge on a lanyard that had a picture of the tiger with the name “OSCAR” on it.

Next to him, on the coffee table, was a framed copy of the picture they’d taken before they left, the six of them in front of the big fountain at the entrance: Acchan and Ryuu-chan hugging Oscar between them, Dazai giving Atsushi bunny ears with Chuuya’s arm around his waist, and Atsushi and Akutagawa smiling at each other and not the camera.

Akutagawa held the framed picture in both hands and didn’t move while Atsushi brought the rest of the luggage in. Atsushi tucked his arms around Akutagawa’s waist and put his chin on his shoulder. “Let’s make sure to hang it where we all can see it,” Atsushi suggested softly, and Akutagawa nodded his head, mouth pressed flat and clearly not trusting himself to speak.

Atsushi didn’t move for a long moment, just holding him—until they heard both kids fall down the stairs trying to get the stuffed tiger up to their room. Atsushi sighed and Akutagawa chuckled softly. “It’s good to be home,” he said, and Atsushi kissed the side of his head before going to check the damage.

Akutagawa laid the picture back on the coffee table and went to help.

<< Chapter 3

[adrian-the-lonely-writer]

Haunting Memories: A John Constantine Story

John Constantine finds himself some where strange at the hands of the devil. Yet again. This time however, instead of charging through hell and demons, the Hellblazer has to travel through his own past to understand what they want from him. Story and plot by me, featuring DC comic's John Constantine. (I guess I just wanted to try my hand at writing the character. Hopefully updates will come at a daily to weekly basis)

Chapter 1: Arrival

“What do you mean John, you don’t like it?” With a wave of his hand, the devil gestured to the carnival glittering down below them. Children's cries welled up the grassy hills, trapped by the trees that surrounded the fairgrounds, and accented by the soft whir of the machines. Music blared, audible even to their hill top. A faint breeze was blowing but it was drowned out by the excitement. A central tent glowed faintly with the lit up rides rivaling the stars above. “And after all the trouble I went to, to make it especially for you.”

“I don’t want to play these games-” John closed his eyes, taking a long drag. A dream. Some bizarre fucked up dream. That’s all this was. When his eyes opened once more, the devil was gone. The cacophony below continued the same as before. “Bloody hell…” Taking one more peek behind him, and finding the same wall of forest at the base of the hill, he made his choice.

“Not bloody. Not yet. That’s your job, isn’t it?” Was the last thing John heard, as he descended down the hill.

The carnival was simple. A large central tent. The north side was a food court, the south side was where all the games were set up. East and west held all sorts of rides. Small scale roller coasters, spinning gravity rides, rides that took you upside down, any sort of thing you could want. The hill was on the south end, and from it you could see the thick forest surrounding everything. So dense it seemed to eat any light that reached its borders. 

John made quick work sliding down the hill, never losing his footing. He’s been in worse spots, he supposed. The crowds were mostly children and their families. Teenagers in smaller clusters around the park. Besides the fact the woods seemed to surround them, nothing appeared obviously out of place. 

“Made especially for me huh?” John took another drag as he stepped into the light.

It was daylight all of a sudden. John Constantine was 13 years old, and had run away to the carnival from school after a particularly lucrative (and not exactly fair) poker-match with his mates. 

John stepped back in a rare moment of panic and once more, it was night. He was the crumpled 30, maybe 40 year old (truthfully he had lost count) he remembered himself to be. Still the carnival continued in front of him, unbothered by the change.

“The FUCK is going on?!” His shout would go unanswered, both by the families at the event, and by the devil who brought him here. Some quieter curses leaked through his lips as he sat on the grassy mount outside of the light of the carnival. Going in was not the number one option in his mind. 

His eyes lingered back over to the trees. They were densely packed close together. Some sort of evergreen he thought. Still, even the limited empty space was filled by a thick darkness. Not a lack of light, but a true darkness. A darkness that one only truly knows when they walk a path similar to his own.

Constantine found himself approaching the tree line. More out of avoidance to whatever magic lay within the chaos of the carnival than out of any actual hope this would be the way out. Slipping his hand behind the tree line, slipped it from his sight as well. Total darkness lay within the trees. Even the light from his lighter couldn’t penetrate the darkness contained here.

With a sigh of resignation, he slipped back into the carnival.

It was September 3rd. A Friday. The carnival was set up in the outskirts of town, ready for weekend business. Like any 13 year old, John wanted to go, although his family was standing in the way.

During school, at lunch, John had gathered a few “mates” of his own for a quick game of cards. Truly they were marks more than anything else. John had learned he didn’t need friends. He needed people he could control and manipulate. These kids were rich, and full of money for the upcoming festivities. John won them over with his charm more than anything. Charm and stealing his fathers cigarettes as gifts. Didn’t take long until he was gambling with them regularly. Tanking a few bets here and there when he could afford it to gain their trust, knowing when the time came down to it, he would not lose.

 One ill-fated poker game later and John was slipping out of the boys bathroom, money loaded into his school-pack.

John remembered all of this, clearly as if his entire life passed within a blink. An innocent gesture to adjust to the lights of the rides and tent.

‘No’ John thought to himself, the boy's face slipping into a frown. Despite how he appeared now, despite the carnival who’s grounds he was entering, he knew it wasn’t back then. Too many things happened. Too many leaving their permanent marks. Maybe the ones on his body were gone, but not on his soul. He could feel those wounds wherever or whenever. Even now.

“Alright John.” He clapped his hands together, producing a smoke from his adolescent pants. “Let’s get to the bottom of this.”

Before him lay the rows of games. The ring toss, duck grab, balloon darts, and the balls and their bottles. Not to mention the various shooting ranges with their cork guns. Or water games. A smile flickered over John’s lips as he remembered his original run through here. Even at 13 he still had quite a bit of occult knowledge, certainly enough to ruin a few carnival games. Bit of psychokinesis timed with the throw of a baseball netted him his favorite prize. It was a large stuffed animal. A dog. Funny, he remembered always wanting a dog. 

“Step right up! Throw a ball, win an animal.” The carnie’s shout pulled John out of the memory. The carnie stood at the very same bottle game John remembered. Yet there was one detail obviously different. The stuffed dogs were gone.

“Win an animal?” John snarked, walking up to the booth, his old teenaged smirk returning.. “What animal? I don’t see any prize.”

The carnie winked, pulling back in the curtain and revealing the large cage. Inside a large black canine stared directly at John. Eyes of ruby that bore into his soul as the smell of sulfur assaulted him. A look John would recognize anywhere.

“The hell?!” John tried to run backward, but stumbled falling onto his ass. Cursing again, he scrambled up and saw the cage again. This time locked inside was a German Shepherd curled up on his little bed. 

“Scared of dogs, kid? Then this probably ain’t the game for you.” The carnie’s arms were crossed. Several parents looked at John, holding their younger kids close.

‘Great’ John thought to himself again. Not only did he not know what was going on, he was making a bit of a spectacle of himself. 

“More scared of the horrid set up of your game.” John found himself saying as he dusted himself off. “You really expect to make money with a set up that easy?”

“Oh ho ho.” The carnie replied. “You seem pretty confident.”

John found himself placing the fee on the counter and picking up the baseball. Throwing it with the same tricks as before. The bottles tumbled to the grass below. 

“They warned me about you…” The carnie winked a little. “Well, good job young man, I suppose this guy is now yours.”

John didn’t see the man open the cage, but the dog was on him in an instant.

[itsafanficthing]

Healing

Another One Quote One Shot. This is a stand alone to a larger fic that I'll never write. The Quote is in Bold and Italic.

Thank you as always to @notevenjokingfic and @balfeheughlywed for putting this together again, finding the quotes, coordinating, beta-ing and being generally brilliant.

If A03 is more your jam: Here

“You broke my heart, Jamie.” She was breathing heavily. Trying to stop the water from falling from her eyes. How many more tears would she cry for this man?

“Ye think that it wasn’t hard for me? That it did’na hurt me?” His voice was rough. His accent always got thicker when he was upset.

“Hurt… hurt you?” She repeated the word. Hurt. “It may have hurt you. But you broke me. You may have been hurt. But you weren’t broken.” She shook her head. Damn her eyes. She could feel the salty water making tracks down her cheeks. She looked down, too afraid to meet his eyes. How much more could one person break?

“Sass-”

She hissed at the pet name about to fall from his lips and he stopped abruptly.

“Ye dinna understand what it was like for me.”

“What it was like for you?” She repeated incredulously. “No I bloody well don’t know what it was like for you because you didn’t talk to me. You just left.” She paused as she felt the knife in her heart twist again at the truth in her words. “You left. No reason. One night, bags packed and you were gone.” She laughed humorlessly,  “Sure. Be hurt. Feel that I have wronged you in someway. Because you’re right. I don’t understand. I didn’t then. And I sure as hell don’t understand why you’ve come back now.”

He had the good sense to at least look abashed at that, though she didn’t see it. She couldn’t look at him.

Broken. He had broken her heart when he left. Picked up his things and left- like he’d never been there.

She’d switched laundry detergents, washed her sheets, removed the smell of him from the house, from her memory.

She’d taken down the pictures of them together and locked them away. The weeks after he left were a haze to her. She went to work, she came home, she ate because she knew she had to, she slept because her brain shut down. She wasn’t really living. Claire was robotic. Going through the motions, waiting for each day to get better.

It did. Slowly. It became more than routine to get up, shower and go to work. She found some happiness in her work once more and her coworkers commented that she looked happier.

Happy. She was never truly happy now. He’d taken that from her. Which was ridiculous of course. He didn’t hold her happiness and she shouldn’t have put so much of her faith in a man that was flawed. But she’d loved him. Deeply. From her soul.

When he left, her heart had broken; her soul had fractured and she didn’t know how to put any of it back together again. People said that a broken heart was like a clean snap of a twig. One minute whole: the next in two.

But it wasn’t like that for Claire. Her broken heart was suffocating. It was a slow and deliberate crush under the weight of loneliness and depression. Her heart didn’t snap like a twig. It was slowly squeezed of its life. The love that she’d held for anything oozed out of her, leaving behind a despairing loneliness and isolation that faced her every morning.

She wanted her heart to break quickly. Crack or snap once and then she could begin the work of healing. But the agonisingly gradual process of compressing her soul under the gravity of her dysphoria meant that she couldn’t even think about healing. There was no chance to heal when a wound was still open and bleeding.

He said that it hurt him as well. She knew pain. She knew hurt.

Did he know broken? Did he know what it felt like to break? To look in the mirror and have no idea who the person was that was looking back at you? To look at yourself, recognise your features but somehow, you were lost?

Disassociation, the doctors called it. She’d written a paper on it when she was at university. She’d known what it meant theoretically then, but she was completely unprepared to experience it herself.

She’d put too much faith in him. Invested too much of herself in him and when he was no more, what was left of her? An empty shell of a woman, whose heart would not- could not stop bleeding.

He was flawed, so was she. They never pretended to be perfect. They fought, they disagreed but to have him leave so unexpectedly, so quickly, shifted her. The world came off its axis for a moment and she struggled to right herself in this new world. A world without Jamie.

She’d thought that they would grow old together. That they would lose each other to life eventually. She had never thought that she would lose him through choice.

Faith and trust in a flawed human. It was her own fault, but she couldn’t bring herself to regret it. Even as she was trying to suture her still weeping heart, she couldn’t bring herself to regret falling in love with him.

And now, here he was, six months later, standing in front of her, like nothing had changed.

She was not the same person and she was sure that he wasn’t either. How could he be? How could she?

“Will ye let me explain?” He asked cautiously. She still hadn’t looked at him again. She couldn’t. She wouldn’t.

Why should she let him explain anything? What would an explanation do to a damaged heart? Would there be any comfort in knowing the reasons he had left her? Would it just bring more pain? Could she handle any more pain?

Claire sniffed loudly. The tears falling from her eyes causing her nose to go as well. She hated crying. She hated crying in front of him. More than anything, she hated crying because of him.

“Please. I ken ye dinna understand. But I would…I think when I tell ye why, ye will.”

Claire finally looked up at him, wiping the tears from her eyes as she did so. She couldn’t actually meet his eyes, her gaze focused somewhere on his cheekbones, the two small scars that she’d loved tracing with her fingertips late at night. The mole on his left cheek, slightly raised from the skin. Not an imperfection by any stretch of the imagination. It suited him.

The ridge on his nose- broken at the age of twelve in a fight with his brother, neither of whom came out of it without scars. The almost blonde stubble that was scattered along a square jaw that Claire had once joked, “could cut a man”. Eyes- she couldn’t meet his eyes. She knew the depth of the blue, sparkling when he laughed, storming when he was angry.

The memories of her fingers tracing the familiar path along his jaw, the mole, the scars and the way he would close his eyes as she tried to memorize his feature by touch alone. Her memory didn’t do him justice. He was beautifully made- made for her, she had thought. But she should have known that it would come to an end. Good things were never made to last.

“I can’t forget what happened. Explanation or not. And I don’t know… I don’t want to forgive you. Hating you is so much easier and I think I deserve easier for a moment.”

“Claire, I -”

She held up her hand to stop him.

“I can’t, Jamie. I want to. But I can’t. Now now -”

“Then when?” Jamie interrupted, taking a step toward her.

Claire took an involuntary step backward away from him and flinched as though he had raised his hand to her. Jamie was dumbstruck at her reaction and froze in place, not daring to move.

“I don’t know if there will ever be a time that I will be ready to hear why you broke my heart.”

“Please Claire. It’s important that you know.”

“Important for who? For you? To relieve the guilt? So that you can feel some sort of justification for leaving me? Don’t worry about it. You can leave here in the knowledge that I’m fine. I’m still alive. I’ve moved on.”

“Have ye? Moved on?” Jamie asked taking a tentative step toward her. Claire stood her ground this time, arms crossed protectively against her chest.

“I’m trying,” she answered honestly. Though why she owed him any kind of truth about her life, she didn’t know.

“Because I haven’t. I haven’t thought about anythin’ else for six months.”

Six months ago Claire craved to know why he left, why he’d given up on them. But now?

It didn’t make sense for him to miss her. It didn’t make sense for him to care.

He’d made the choice to leave. He’d made the choice to pack his bags and go. So why should he think of nothing else for the entire time that they were apart?

Did she need his reasoning? Did she even want it? Claire had spent so long working on herself, to open herself up again, to even consider the possibility of falling in love again. But she knew, deep and buried in her soul, she would never love someone like she’d loved Jamie. And maybe that also included Jamie again. Could she ever love him like she had before?

“Would ye believe that I left… because it was what was best for you?” Jamie asked tentatively.

Claire couldn’t help the scoff that came from her mouth. It was an involuntary sound but the idea that he would leave and it would be anything but soul crushing for Claire was laughable.

Claire glanced up at Jamie briefly and was surprised to see that he was completely serious and was totally confident in what he’d said to her.

“No. I wouldn’t believe that.” Claire shook her head and felt a grin come to her face. Ridiculous. It was a ridiculous thought and she was having a ridiculous reaction to it. She should be screaming, crying, throwing punches and instead all she could do was laugh. She felt a chuckle burst through her lips at Jamie. She sounded hysterical.

“That’s… that’s laughable, Jamie. Of all the things you’ve ever said to me… that’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.”

“It’s the truth, Sassenach.”

Claire felt her heart clench at the nickname that only sounded right coming from Jamie’s mouth. One minute she was laughing at the ridiculousness of what he was saying, the next her heart was compressed again hearing a familiar, at one time, loving nickname. Her stomach flipped as if she was on a roller coaster.

“I just… you might think that… but there’s nothing… there’s no way that I,” Claire paused trying to think through what she was trying to say. “You might think you were doing what was best for me… best for us, but there will never be any part of me that agrees with that.”

She watched as Jamie swallowed heavily and nodded slightly. For the first time she looked properly in his eyes and was genuinely surprised to see tears brimming on the blond eyelashes surrounding the blue of his eyes. She shouldn’t have looked in his eyes. For all that Jamie was talented at hiding his emotions, or what he was thinking, looking into his eyes not she could see the pain and regret in them now. Red rimmed- almost hungover in nature, they were not nthe eyes of Jamie as she knew him.

“If ye’d let me explain to ye-” Jamie began before Claire cut him off.

“When did you fall out of love with me?” She asked abruptly.

“I did’na.”

“When did you fall out of love with me?” Claire asked again, slower, unsatisfied with his response. “Because that’s the only reason I can think of that would cause you to pack up your bags and vanish. It’s the only thing that I could think of. You gave me no explanation of why you were leaving. I spent,” Claire took a deep breath as the tears in her throat made her voice wobble, threatening to choke her, “I spent six months, evaluating and assessing our relationship wondering when you fell out of love with me, when you began to hate me so much that you would leave me with nothing. Did I work too much? Did you meet someone else? Was it all my fault? Was I ignoring the signs? All these questions, daily, running and running and running through my head. Never giving me a break. Making me question everything about myself. So, I need to know. When did you fall out of love with me?”

“I did’na, Claire. Never.”

“I can’t-” Claire gasped as the lump in her throat threatened to choke her. Jamie reached out to her and she turned away from him. She didn’t think that she could bear to be touched by him.

“No explanation.” The words burst from her before she could stop them. “Nothing. Like you’d never existed. Just gone. And you come back now thinking, what? That I’d just be sitting here waiting for you?” Claire could see his somewhat blurred reflection in the window in front of her. Jamie was still reaching out to her, his hand hovering in the air. She was breathing heavily. She was snapping.

Maybe this was what people meant when they said that the heart broke like a twig snapping. Was this how she finally broke? She’d been crushed for months, suffocated and desolate. Was this the moment that she finally broke? A clean snap in two? The final tethers holding her to Jamie. The reason she couldn’t move on from him.

The anger. Was it that anger that fractured the last little piece of her?

“You left me with nothing after I’d given you everything. Every part of me. You had it. I gave it to you gladly. And you took it. You took it all Jamie. Until you decided it wasn’t enough, until I wasn’t enough. And you left.” Claire could feel her pulse beating heavily in her temples. “I don’t want your explanations. I don’t want your reasons. I don’t want…” Claire paused before the lie passed her lips. “I don’t want you.”

“Claire…” Jamie pleaded taking a step towards her. He was going to touch her arm and she braced herself for the contact.

Snap.

There it was; the final breaking point. As soon as Jamie’s large, warm hand came in contact with her shoulder, so gentle, so familiar- Claire felt it. She was completely broken.

She craved his touch. She craved him: and now she was completely broken.

Claire buckled under the weight of her heartbreak and her knees collapsed. She heard Jamie yelp in shock as he moved to catch her before she hit the stiff wooden floors.

No. He was too close. She could smell him. The familar smell of his laundry detergent. The smell of his aftershave. The smell of Jamie. It washed over her and she felt light headed.

His arms were wrapped around her as they crashed onto the floor together. Jamie took the weight of the fall and an “ooff” of a breath was pushed out of his lungs as Claire came into contact with him.

It was too much. The smell of him. Being cradled in his arms again. The sigh of contentment that he made as his nose nuzzled into her wild curls. It was familiar. It was... pain.

White-hot, searing pain lancing through Claire’s stomach, her temples, her finger tips. She made a sound of distress and Jamie’s arms loosened on her slightly and she found herself gripping his upper arms, too afraid to let him go, too afraid to touch him; stuck somewhere in the middle.

She whimpered but the all encompassing pain that had engulfed her body at first was subsiding and all that was left behind was a dull ache.

“Claire?” Jamie’s voice was soft and careful as he brushed some of her curls away from her eyes. He was so tender with her. Didn’t he know that every touch caused her physical pain? The sound of his voice, saying her name, like it was made for his lips- it hurt.

“You have to go,” she whispered. Her throat was hoarse, as if she had been yelling for hours. Her body was limp, pushed to the point of exhaustion. She’d given up and she’d given up in Jamie’s arms. The searing pain was the pain of a heart finally broken. A heart that had been beaten and trampled, that was weak and fighting for life. A weak pulse, threatening to give up.

And then with a touch from Jamie, an electric jolt to the system, her heart was restarted. And it hurt. Nobody ever said that healing was painful. The break was supposed to be the painful part. The healing was supposed to be… healing. It was supposed to give her life again. She didn’t think that healing was supposed to tear her apart again.

But she was whole when she was with Jamie. And she hated him for it. That after all this time, after all the pain and the heartache; when she was with him, she could breathe.

“I’m so sorry, Claire. I dinna think I’ve said it yet. I… Christ, to hold ye again, it’s like my heart will beat outta my chest, but to hold ye when I’m the one that hurt ye… feels like my heart is bein’ ripped out of me again.”

“Again?” Claire asked weakly. She was leaning into him. She couldn’t help it. He was solid and it had been far too long since she’d been held by someone. By anyone. By him.

“When I left, I left my heart with ye. It’s sounds so stupid. I canna sleep. I canna eat. Simple things, I canna enjoy them any more. Everything reminds me of ye. It was stupid to leave. It was… I was trying to help ye, I swear it, I thought it would be best. I thought I was holdin’ ye back. Ye deserve to be so much more, ye deserve to have so much more, an’ I could’na give it to ye. I still can’t. But I’m too selfish. I need ye. I’ve always needed ye.”

The words were pouring out of Jamie and Claire stiffened in his arms.

“I’ve wanted ye since the first time I’d seen ye. But I’ve loved ye… well I think I’ve loved ye just as long. I dinna have a life without ye.”

Claire shook her head. It’s wasn’t right for her to love someone this much, while at the same time hating them with everything she had.

“Ye make me want to be better. Ye make me better. And without ye… I can survive, as I’m sure ye can, but it’s no’ living. It’s existing. I dinna want to just exist, Claire. I want to live. I’m so sorry. I’ve pushed ye away… I’ve pushed ye beyond… beyond what anyone should bear, I canna tell ye how sorry I am. I ken ye hate me, I hate me, but I need ye. I need ye to forgive me.”

“How,” Claire’s voice cracked and she cleared her throat before starting again, “how could we ever… we’ll never be what we were.”

“I ken that.”

Claire felt Jamie nod as his nose brushed against her scalp.

“Do you? Because you’re coming back like… like I’ve just been waiting for you to come back. I’m a different person now.”

“Aye, I ken, nor am I. I suppose I’m askin’... will ye forgive me?”

“How can you ask me that?” Claire’s voice broke again and a fresh wave of tears started from her eyes and she shuddered in his arms.

Jamie spluttered a nonsensical response, words mumbled (I love you, I need you, I’m sorry, I can’t live without you), words running together as she felt tears in her hair. He was crying. Claire had only ever seen Jamie cry twice in his life. Once, two weeks after his father had passed away, and again, when his niece Maggie was in hospital. Not once had Jamie every cried over Claire, never had he cried in front of her if he could help it. Both times he’d turned and shrugged away from her touch. He hadn’t let her comfort him, no matter how much she had wanted to.

Now she could feel the dampness in her hair as he continued to repeat what seemed to be becoming a sort of mantra (please, forgive me, I love you, I’m sorry). He was gripping her tightly against his chest, as if when he let go she would simply disappear. He spoke in Gaelic, and so low that she could not have told what he said, even had she known the words. But the whispering voice was thick, and the moonlight from the casement behind him showed the tracks of the tears that slid unrehearsed down his own cheeks.

She hated him- hated him for what he did to her, for how he left her. She hated him for his apologies, she hated that today was the first time he was truly showing her how much he loved her. She hated that it felt right in his arms, like the piece of her that had disappeared with Jamie when he left was finding its way back home.

Claire hated that she loved him. She hated that she knew she would take him back, because he was right. She could survive without him, but it wasn’t living. She hated that she was only existing without him. She hated that her heart had skipped a beat at the sight of him standing in front of her, palms up in surrender, in apology.

She hated who she was without him and she hated that she was better when she was with him. She hated depending on him, she hated that she still trusted him. She hated that logically she knew it was wrong, that she shouldn’t want him anymore, that her heart was cracked and breaking, it was suffocated, crushed what she thought was beyond repair, but at the sight of Jamie she felt like she was taking a breath for the first time in weeks and her heart started to beat again.

“I hate you so much, Jamie.” The words were a whisper from her dry and cracked lips. Jamie’s mantra stopped abruptly and a shudder went through this body and echoed through Claire’s.

“I hate what you did to me. I hate the way that you left. I hate… I hate you so much.”

“Ye… ye canna forgive me?” He sounded so desperate, so lost. She had never heard him sound so broken before and she felt her broken heart beat irregularly in her chest.

“I hate that you broke me, you broke my heart and I hate, more than anything, I hate,” Claire throat closed up and she had to clear it a few times before she could speak again. “I hate that after everything, after hating you so much, I can’t stop loving you.”

Jamie’s breath left him in a whoosh and he pulled her roughly against his chest.

“I love ye, I’ve never stopped. I never will.” Jamie spoke quickly as if he was afraid that she would take the words back.

“I don’t know how you can ask me if I’ll take you as you are, no matter how much we’ve both changed, because no matter how much I might hate you right now, I’ll have you, whoever you are, no matter how much we’ve both changed, I want you anyway I can.”

Jamie twisted, moving Claire so that rather than cradling her from behind she could see his face. Although she had felt the dampness in her hair, and knew that Jamie had been crying, she was still surprised to see his red rimmed, still leaking eyes.

“I love ye, Claire. I promise that ye will not doubt it for another day as long as we both live.”

Claire swallowed heavily at the sincerity in his voice.

“I… may I… kiss ye?” Jamie’s asked shyly, waiting for her permission before moving.

Claire found that she had lost her voice somewhere along the line and simply nodded in reply.

He was hesitant at first. A soft peck against her lips. Almost not a kiss at all. Just holding Claire tightly for a moment, as if he was assuring himself that this was what she wanted.

He pulled back to look at her, to make sure that this was ok. In truth she had thought of this moment deeply, obsessed over it as it clouded every other rational thought of how much she should hate him. The moment that she would see him again, the moment that she would give him a piece of her mind; the moment that she would have a chance to turn him away. But this moment wasn’t anything like she thought that it would be. It was soft and tender and she was pulling him closer, she wasn’t turning him away because what was life without him but an empty black void of despair and loneliness.

As his watery eyes ran over her face, seeking permission, asking for forgiveness she leaned forward and connected their lips again. His hands moved to her face, cupping her jaw as he kissed her, thumbs wiping away tears that she didn’t even know were falling. Her hands were steady on his arms, feeling the solid realness of him, confirming that yes he was here, she hadn’t just imagined this, from her love starved brain.

Jamie broke from the kiss first and buried his head in Claire’s neck and she could feel his lips moving over her skin. He did always like her neck. He was mumbling something in between each press of his lips to her skin but so muffled by his proximity to her that she couldn’t make out a single word.

“I don’t know what you’re saying,” Claire said, her heart beating steadily in her chest for the first time since she had seen his packed bags by the front door.

“It does’na matter. Stuff and nonsense really,” Jamie answered pulling back from her skin to look at her before he leant forward and tenderly kissed her again.

Breaking, healing; suffocating, breathing. Arcs on an emotional pendulum that felt like it had nearly killed Claire. But it hadn’t. She still lived.

They still lived.

[gumnut-logic]

Lost in Space

Nutty’s Fandomversary Fic Five - Scott and Space for @riotraze

This is set in the Rain Universe, Gentle Rain specifically, and focusses on the relationship between Scott Tracy and original character Em Harris. The story behind Em Harris can be found in Gentle Rain. This story references a line from the epilogue of that story.

The lookout was deserted and as the sun disappeared, it grew dark and the city in the distance lit up in the yellows, white and oranges of street lighting, with the central business district standing bright as if a centre piece to the whole panorama.

“There is something about looking down at a city at night. All those lights, a home, a house, a building, a street lamp. All defying the darkness, outlining where we’ve spread, our impact on our environment, our determination.”

“I should take you up to Thunderbird Five and let John show you his view.”

She was staring at him. “Into space?”

He smiled. “Yes, into space.” A sigh. “Sometimes I forget that some things we do are not every day things.”

“The Tracys don’t do ‘average’.”

“What?” It came out as a half laugh.

“Kayo told me that the day I first arrived on Tracy Island. I have to say, she’s got it right.”

“I hope you don’t hold that against us.”

“Against you? No. You just have a little magic at your fingertips.”

“Magic.”

“Yes, magic.” She reached out and touched his face. “In more ways than one.”

A full listing of the Rain Universe stories which are Virgil/Kayo and Scott/Em can be found here.

I may add to this story in the future, it seems to be asking for more, but at the same time asked to stop where I stopped. I hope you enjoy it :D

-o-o-o-

Scott hated space.

No, that was incorrect. He didn’t hate it, he disliked it. He preferred the blue, the roar of rockets, the clap of sonic boom, the clouds, the Earth below and...speed.

In space, speed meant everything and nothing. With little reference, the fastest rocket, once it attains its cruising speed, may as well be sitting still for all the impression it makes on its passengers. Acceleration, sure, the Gs could crush you into your seat. Look out the window, though, unless you had a planet or moon in view, again, you might as well be standing still.

And the silence.

Outside the small pocket of air a spacecraft provided, there was no sound. No screaming rocket, no wind in his hair.

No, Scott disliked operating in space and for reasons that had little to do with its beauty and desolation.

But at this very moment, all of that could be ignored. At this moment, he loved it madly for what it could do.

Em floated free in Thunderbird Five’s central hub, sheer joy in her grin. John floated beside her, giving her his standard zeroG 101 speech. Scott sat to one side just happy to watch her happy.

From his initial random comment regarding a visit to Thunderbird Five, this moment was inevitable. Part of him just wanted to show her another aspect of his world, the wonder in his heart and soul that was International Rescue. Another part was the zeroG he knew would give her freedom she didn’t have under the influence of gravity.

And she took to it like a fish to water.

Em Harris was a zeroG natural.

Dressed in a specially made IR uniform spacesuit not unlike John’s, she dipped and spun and laughed amongst the holograms of his brother’s ‘bird.

Virgil had been the challenge in this little escapade. All the Tracy brothers had extensive space training thanks to their father, and Kayo may not bear the name...yet...but that hadn’t stopped their father from educating her either. On top of that, they were all extremely fit and healthy.

Em was healthy, beyond her ongoing concerns, but she was no sportswoman. Virgil was a worry wart and no doubt a little peeved he couldn’t come with on this little venture due to his own health concerns. Em and his doctors had yet to clear him for the stressors of space travel even now months after the incident at Christmas.

He was back on duty. After the bridge incident, Scott couldn’t keep him away from his ‘bird, but he was under supervision, lighter duties, and threats from his fiancee.

Cranky was an understatement.

But yes, there had been some reassurance sought to calm his brother’s ruffled feathers as to any concerns regarding Em’s safety in space. As for Scott, for once in his life, worry was not a factor. He just wanted to see exactly what he was seeing now. The elation on her face was worth every concerned frown Virgil shot his way.

There had been training, of course. Drills, safety concerns, and a ride in Thunderbird One that had him laughing at Alan until he had tears in his eyes.

Thunderbird One made for a great vomit comet, Scott manoeuvring her in roller coaster ups and downs enough to create that moment of weightlessness legendary for all space agency training.

His little brother had been dreading the mess that was inevitable with all first time zeroGers. Hell, even John had legendary stories of the puke fest in his training.

Scott was flying. Alan was training Em in the cargo bay and he was not looking forward to it. Scott hadn’t admitted it to himself the concern that was gnawing at the back of his throat. Em was strong, she could do this.

And she certainly did.

Apparently extensive experience with a hoverscoot gave you a step up in the zeroG game. Scott had her on visual while he was flying and apart from a few green moments and one unanticipated collision with the cargo bay wall, Em coasted through the training.

Alan was gobsmacked, Em glowing and Scott more relieved than he realised he could be.

The fabricators had been tasked with her uniform and here they were.

Em laughed and hugged John, the pair of them spinning slowly in the middle of the room. Scott snorted at his brother, the surprise on his face comical.

Em was obviously running on an adrenalin high. Scott knew she had been looking forward to today since he had mentioned the possibility. She had been literally beaming this morning when he helped her into her uniform. He had to admit to himself, dropping the white baldric with the IR insignia onto her shoulder had been a very intimate moment. It had been a surprise how much it affected him.

Perhaps it was too early in their relationship to consider the level of permanency that baldric and insignia represented, but god, his heart beat faster. His fingers brushed across the IR logo and down across the red cross below it.

Her had hands caught his.

“Thank you, Scott.”

He smiled just a little, but said nothing.

“I know how much you are trusting me. How much you have trusted me from day one. I won’t let you down, I promise. This opportunity...just thank you.”

He raised her hands to his lips and kissed her fingers. She didn’t understand. The trust, yes, it had taken him a long time to let his guard down. He doubted it would ever be fully down. But this? This trip? This was as much for him as for her.

He wanted to share.

He wanted to see.

He wanted to hold her as she discovered the wonder that was part of what had become his life’s work.

And now, to be honest, he was becoming a little envious of his middle brother.

“Now, now, John, let go of my gorgeous girlfriend.”

It was comical how fast John backed off.

Em laughed, and spun a little, mid-air. “Scott, I hugged him. He’s been a great help.”

The commander folded his arms across his chest and arched an eyebrow.

Something devilish sparked in her pale blue eyes and she grinned at him. “I hugged Alan yesterday for the same reason. Hmm, I’m pretty sure I’ve hugged Virgil on at least two occasions, though come to think of it, I may not have hugged Gordon yet. I must remember to do that when we get home. Then I’ll have a Tracy Hug Quinfecta.” Her grin was malicious.

John was smirking. .

Scott sent her a level-eyed glare. “I’d be wary of the Virgil hugging, Kayo is dangerous.”

She folded her arms across her chest, mirroring him. “Kayo and I have an understanding.”

That thought by itself was rather high up on the scale of terrifying.

“You were right, John. This is very interesting.” Eos broke the moment.

Scott redirected his glare to John. The smirk on his brother’s face needed removal. “Eos, what exactly did John say?”

“He said I shouldn’t kiss and tell, Commander.”

Damn, the kid was learning. Still glaring at his smirking brother, “Em, meet Eos, the other resident of this floating tin can.”

Em frowned. “I thought John was alone up here?”

She had given him the third degree the moment she found out the middle brother operated completely alone. It took him some time to convince her that John was absolutely fine and actually preferred the isolation. What he hadn’t explained was that John was never completely alone.

John’s voice was quiet. “Eos is an AI, an artificial intelligence. She helps me administer Thunderbird Five.”

Scott raised an eyebrow. Eos was so much more than that. He knew his brother considered her his daughter.

Em’s eyes widened. “Hello, Eos.”

“Hello, Doctor.” A pause. “Are you going to give John a physical examination?”

“That was the plan, yes.” Her eyes sought the source of the voice.

“Good. Make sure you examine his right shoulder. He wrenched it five days ago during the Zuchov situation, and again just yesterday during zeroG ball with Captain O’Bannon.”

Every eye in the room narrowed in on John. The shock on his face was almost comical.

Em arched an eyebrow over her lopsided smile. “Eos, you and I are going to be great friends.”

Scott had never seen John actually pale. He hadn’t thought it was possible for his brother to get paler.

Apparently it was.

“Eos!”

“Yes, John? Is your health not paramount?”

“Yes, but-“

“Doctor, I agree. We are going to be great friends.”

Em was grinning like a mad woman. Scott continued to glare at his brother. “Perhaps if you reported injury like you are supposed to, Eos wouldn’t need to report you.” There would be words later. It was unlike John to be so careless.

“Oh, Johnny, you are so busted.” Alan swooped into the room from TB3’s airlock.

“Don’t call me, Johnny.” It was automatic.

Em sobered and floated towards Scott. He reached out and snagged her, dragging her closer. She came willingly and curled under his arm. “Don’t worry, John. Eos and I will have a discussion about doctor patient confidence and reportable situations.”

“All injuries are reportable.” Scott was still frowning at his brother.

Her hand landed on his chest. “Scott.” He looked down at her.

Let me handle this. It was all over her expression.

His lips thinned. This was IR territory.

His eyes fell on the logo on her baldric yet again. It was he who asked if she could help out with the medical side of IR. After all, her eyes were often on Virgil and himself anyway. Today’s trip just gave them the opportunity to kill two birds with one stone. John was due for his medical. Em was available and eminently qualified. She had even spoken with John’s doctor in New Zealand in preparation.

Pale eyes beckoned him.

Okay. He let his shoulders drop. Trust.

She smiled just a little. “Now, I hear rumour this Thunderbird has a magnificent view.”

Scott caught John’s eyes and his brother pulled up the holographic controls of his ‘bird and slowed the spin of her gravity ring to a stop. “Eos, secure the ring until further notice.”

Gravity was something they could do without for the moment. He tightened his arm around his girl. She had her hoverscoot at hand, but the opportunity to move freely without it was too much of a lure to be denied.

John led them through the internal airlock out into the glass encased balcony of Thunderbird Five.

“Oh my god!” Em left his side, throwing herself at the view, her gecko gloved hands latching onto the smooth surface. She hand-walked to a spot where she could see the planet below clearly. “John, my god.”

Scott found himself grinning like an idiot. A nudge off a wall and he made his way over to her side. Australia, New Zealand and, ultimately, Tracy Island floated so far below. Em vibrated beside him. He reached out and caught one of her hands.

“This is real. This isn’t a photo or a video, I’m actually seeing this. I...I can’t believe it.”

It was a familiar sight. He had seen it many times before, but...her eyes were sparkling, shining with the glow of the planet below.

“You live such amazing lives.”

Out the corner of his eye he caught John dragging Alan through to the next partition in the ring. The door closed behind them.

His arm slipped around her waist as they hovered above the glass. “All the better with your company.”

She shot him a look. “Really? I thought we were past cheesy pickup lines by now.”

He sobered just a little. “Perhaps, if it was a pick up line, but I meant what I said.”

Her eyes widened and the shine in her eyes turned just a touch glassy. She shifted her mass enough to reach up and wrap a hand around the back of his neck.

Her glove was tantalisingly rough on his skin, her kiss contrastingly soft.

A breath. “Thank you, Scott, for everything.”

His only answer was to wrap himself around her and return that kiss. Her other hand grasped his waist and they were gently spinning in freefall.

God, a moment of simple perfection.

“Love you.” So much.

She was gazing up into his eyes, emotion in every line of her smile. That smile became a grin as her gecko gloves accidentally caught his hair and gently tugged it out of style. The grin became a giggle as her eyes latched onto the result. “Love you, too, flyboy.” Her kiss stifled his response as she purposefully ran her fingers through his hair.

His eyes closed in exasperated resignation.

This woman...

He was so lost.

In space.

And loving every minute of it.

-o-o-o-

[tarotdeckshuffle]

IgNyx Day Five!

Super late, but it’s been a roller coaster of a week. Hope you enjoy!

All is revealed, including the feelings that have been suppressed for so long. 

Rating: T

Prefer to read this on AO3? You can do so here!

Taglist: @idiotflowerex, @laststory1013, @sayaoqueen, @jophinabean, @mysme-already,  @ffxvignyxzine

If you like what you read, please consider supporting me on Patreon or buying me a Ko-fi!

Spectral: Chapter 5

For so long, memories are all they had of each other. It felt so surreal to be here. 

The men had camped at the crystal for days, hoping that Noctis would soon be released. It was the seventh day when even Prompto admitted that he wasn’t returning anytime soon. 

So began the long trek out of Gralea. Dameons and MTs still patrolled the abandoned halls, stressing the need for calculated steps and quiet movements.

Nearly lost in the maze of concrete tunnels, the men walked single file, stopping briefly only to rest. 

“We’re lost…” Gladio grumbled, looking down at the shoddy beds of their current bunk room. Prompto peeked around the great shield to see what he was staring at. As it was, the bed just looked horribly unmade, with the sheets balled up at the foot of the mattress. But Ignis stood in the corner of the room, quickly realising what was going on. 

Nyx walked to the opposite side of the bed. “Leaving a breadcrumb, eh?” The Glaive stared down at the bed. 

“So, I’m guessing that’s your signature ‘messy bed’ style?” Propto piped up, finally realizing what was going on. 

Gladio didn’t find humor in the moment, though. He roared and flipped over the bunk beds. The metal frame toppled over onto the terrified Glaive staring up at it!

“NO!” Ignis yelled, reaching out for Nyx, but he needn’t have worried. Where man and metal should have collided, there stood only mist. The bed had passed straight through Nyx and clattered to the floor. 

Both Gladio and Prompto turned to Ignis, alarmed. It took a moment for the stratigan’s nerves to catch up to his mind as he realized what was going on. 

His outstretched hand came to his mouth as he cleared his throat. “We are lost if we lose our wits now. We must remain calm and figure our way out of this. One mistake is not the end of us...not yet.” Ignis paused to take a deep breath. “Now, I suggest both of you rest and collect yourselves. I’ll take first watch.” 

Gladio grumbled as he and Prompto slinked away to find beds. Ignis made for the bench just outside of the bunkroom. 

As he sat down, the normally composed man stared down at his hands. So much had happened and so much was still happening. But everything felt...numb. 

“I think you’re going to need a manicure after this,” a voice chimed next to him. 

Turning, Ignis saw him: the Glaive that walked in his dreams. 

“This must all be some sort of dream. Some final illusion the gods have bestowed upon me. You’re not actually here…” he lamented, running his hands over his face. Ignis let his racing thoughts run away with him. 

This couldn’t be real.

It wasn’t real.

Why was this happening?

Until he was brought back by the feeling of a warm hand over his. 

“I promise you, it’s real. But only for you.” 

“But...how?” Ignis was on the verge of breaking down from all of the days of stress. 

“That’s...a long story…” 

A frazzled stratigen looked up to meet Nyx’s gaze, daring him to see if this story even compared to what had already happened. 

“Well, don’t say I didn’t warn you…”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For years, everything Nyx had done had been in the hopes of saving Ignis. From reconnaissance and sabotage on the Empire, to personally outfitting the Prince’s regime. 

But sacrifices must be made in war. Nyx knew he was the only one who could save the people of Insomnia. The only one who could give the world a fighting chance to see tomorrow. In a moment of truth, he made the decision: he had to save the city, even if it meant his own life. This was his small part in saving all of Eos. If he didn’t help save the planet, his love would be lost as well. 

As the sun rose on that fateful morning, Nyx’s world turned to black. He didn’t know what the afterlife would look like, but he expected something bright. A place like old Galahd where his family was waiting on him. 

The Glaive opened his eyes, only to find darkness. Silence echoed throughout the space. Nyx called out, but no sound left his lips. 

Click...click...click…

Footsteps rang through the nothingness.

Click..click...click…

They grew louder. 

Soon, there was a light on the horizon. 

Nyx squinted as a figure came into view. It was Shiva in full icey beauty. 

“Do not forget your vow,young Guardian.” Her cool voice rang but her lips did not move. 

“I haven’t, but I thought…” Nyx thought more than he said. 

“Now is when your duty begins…” Shiva turned, gesturing with her hand to a scene playing out on Eos. 

The astral plane could weave through time as the user saw fit. Nyx was seeing Ignis’s sacrifice play out before him, long after his own death. 

In a matter of seconds, the Glaive watched as his love was struck down by the Usurper, even with the power of the Lucii. A silent scream left his lungs.

“Do you uphold your vow?” The cool voice asked again. 

“YES!” Every fiber of Nyx’s being screamed his answer as soon as the question left Shiva.

“Then you have my blessing. Go…” The icy goddess snapped her fingers with a smile.

Instantly, Nyx was at his love’s side. “Not him…” he cried to himself as he ran to hold Ignis. 

The young advisor was on the cusp of death, his body unfit to hold life. Tears ran from Nyx’s eyes as he saw what his sacrifice had amounted to.

“You’re still needed,” he plead, holding onto the man he had dreamed of for so long. 

From his place on the edge of the beyond, the Glaive saw both the physical and the astral. The late monarchs of Lucis stared down at the men from the astral plane. 

“I have been warned that you wish to bargain for this man’s life…” a great voice boomed. 

Nyx definitely looked up at the Old Wall. “Yes! I will give whatever I must to save his life.” 

“You cannot,” a woman’s voice rang out. “For he has bargained with his life, of which you can not substitute.” 

“I don’t care if he made a deal, let me make another one!” Nyx cried out. He stared down at the dying face in his arms, trying his best to think of what he had to bargain with. 

“Take my death in exchange for not taking this man’s life! Let him live and in exchange, I shall never leave this plain!” 

For a moment, the late monarchs were silent. Simply turning to one another for guidance. 

A familiar voice spoke up. “Young Glaive, you would have a place on this wall should you wish to join us, for you died under the Ring of the Lucii. Are you truly willing to give this up?” It was King Regis, ever kind, even in death. 

Without hesitation, Nyx spoke up. “Yes.” 

“And the gods vouch for him,” Shiva’s voice added, ringing out from all directions. 

The Founder King’s figure looked down at the new Guardian. “Then it is so.”

The Old Wall disappeared into a blinding light as Nyx felt a heavy weight fall over his features. But he smiled, as his love began to heal before his very eyes. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The clock overhead ticked the hours away as Ignis listened to Nyx’s story. The whole while, he sat in silence. 

Finally, the advisor spoke, “Then I assume I’m the only one who can see you…” 

“I would agree with your assumption.” Nyx replied, trying to match Ignis’s tone. “I signed up to be your Guardian, so I guess I only exist for you.” 

But the advisor scoffed. “Signed up? That’s what you make of all this? You simply ‘volunteered’ to become the guardian for a stranger?!” His voice rose as he became more irate. “You sacrificed DEATH for me?! Do you even begin to comprehend the gravity of the situation?!” 

Just as Ignis finished, the door to the bunkroom creaked open. A sleepy Prompto rubbed his eyes. “Iggy? You okay?”

Quickly, Ignis pulled on a mask of serenity. “Yes, Prompto. I’m fine. Go back to bed, I’ll come get you when it’s your shift.” 

The gunslinger mumbled and stumbled back to his bunk. 

As Ignis turned his attention back to the specter before him, he was met with a determined gaze. Nyx had stood up to his full height, inches above him. 

“I know what I gave up. And I didn’t do it for a stranger.”

Ignis stared up into the dark sky of Nyx’s eyes. His body couldn’t comprehend what was before it, for his eyes saw the man in front of him, but his body could feel no warmth, his ears no breathing, and his nose no scent. It was like the stratigan was still dreaming and this fantasy would soon disappear before his eyes. 

Ignis swallowed, trying not to show how flustered he was. “If not for a stranger, they why did you do this?” 

The Glaive’s eyes softened. “I did it for a man I couldn’t get over. For a man who deserves more than this world has granted him. The one who deserves his happy ending. The one I needed to help.”

Ignis blushed as he turned away. “I didn’t ask for whom you did this, I asked why…”

A gentle smile crossed Nyx’s face as he gently turned Ignis’s head back towards him. “I did this because I love you.” 

Although he heard them, Ignis wasn’t sure how to comprehend those words. He felt shocked but so joyful. Questions began to race through his mind before Nyx silenced them. 

And in that moment, the greatest desire both men had gently carried with them for so long, was fulfilled. 

Ignis had never imagined he would kiss a ghost, but in this moment, Nyx felt more real to him than anything else in the world. He could feel warmth against his lips and magic against his body. Every thought vanished from his mind as his whole body gave in to the touch he had wanted for so long. But new sensations, sensations he had experienced with no other lover, also came to greet him. 

These foreign sensations flowed like a river through his own senses. He felt warmth throughout his body and a glowing happiness in his soul. But he also felt something strange: a weight on the very fiber of his soul that wasn’t meant to be there, like he was being weighed down in deep water. 

Just as Ignis thought his consciousness would be overwhelmed by the contradictory sensations, they ended. He opened his eyes and gazed upon the sight of his Glaive.

Nyx leaned his forehead against Ignis’s. “Did you feel it too?” 

The advisor nodded lightly. “Everything felt...heavy. Was that what you feel?” 

The Glaive smiled. “Yes, that is the weight of duty. That is the weight of what I would do for you.” Ignis started to pull away. “Shhh, don’t worry. It’s not so bad. Through you, I felt...real...again.” 

The advisor pulled his love close. “Than that is how I shall repay you, my Guardian.”

[johnny-boy-17]

STAR VS THE FORCES OF EVIL or The Art Student’s Awakening (A Review)

Oh hey, it’s another review by me that nobody asked for! Ok, this one is actually gonna mean a lot to me since this show is pretty much the reason I even started posting things on this site to begin with (thank you and curse you Tumblr), so I need to get it all off my chest. 

Short version: It’s really fuckin’ good, and y’all should check it out. The ending could have used a little more finesse, but it’s still pretty damn good.

Long version: *gasps for air*

Ok let’s start with the story. Yeah, it’s certainly a rollar-coaster. What starts out as a fun little-romp-of-the-week type of story...

...becomes this tale of power corruption, racism battle, and a tale of trust in one another and unity among the people.

Whether or not it handles that well seems to be half and half. On one hand, grace under fire this show is not. It does seem a little rushed in the last season, and you can really tell it wanted to be a bit longer, flesh out ideas, but didn’t have time for it (I blame the Mouse on that). 

I mean I dunno about you, but a show that introduces time travel right the fuck out of nowhere in a medium never seems to end well, this show is no exception.

That and they reeeeeaaaaaally try to knock you unconscious using a hammer with all the prejudice allegories.

On the other hand, good characters can make a shit story seem like high-class art. And good characters this show has in spades (no eclipsa-related pun intended).

Firstly, Star Butterfly herself. It seems stupid not to start with her. And... yeah she’s a really fun protagonist. Not only is she basically Sailor Moon hyped up on too much nose candy, but she has an incredible story of growth to go with. She starts as a fun-loving monster battler that’s too eager to run away from her problems to this teenager facing the looming shadow of adulthood head on and ready to ditch her past of monster-ism(?) for good, never to let such discrimination see the light of day again. Not to mention Eden Sher just absolutely brings this character to life, even if it’s just little things she says like “yeah totally totally totally” or “we got burger juice on the wall rug.” Something in her performance just absolutely friggin’ works wonders. I’d say she’s probably one of my favorite protagonists out there that “the big D” has come up with, but my favorte character they’ve created in a looooong time? That award... 

... goes to mother-fuckin’ Marco Ubaldo Diaz. I cannot BELIEVE how much they won me over with this guy. I think it’s because I saw so much of myself in this guy to the point where I am convinced he’s my long-lost brother. This B0I starts out as this paranoid play-it-safe ‘nother brick in the wall type who just wants to get through his teenage life without any kind of trouble, and by the end is a guy who’s ready to shrug off getting impaled by an evil unicorn being ridden by a corrupted version of Star’s half-demon ex just to get him to snap out of it (it just now dawns on me how fuckin’ batshit this show is). I just love how as he’s easing up on his paranoia, he learns to stop taking himself so seriously and let loose every now and then. Adam McAruther deserves praise for playing this guy, and I don’t know who could ever play this guy like he did. If no other takeaways for this show were to be, it’d be that Marco is in a lineup of my favorite fictional characters of all time.

Now I sense some ears (ok fine all ears) are waiting for me to talk about the two together, so I’ll touch on it once, and make an entire post on it later: It’s great. It’s pleasing to the eye, it’s wholesome for the soul, it makes them both into better beings, the opposite attracts thing is done beautifully, the chemistry could make Bill Nye proud, and I think their ending was as good as it could be for them... though I do hate how long it took to get there. 

OK LIGHTNING ROUND GO (can’t get ‘em al, so sorry):

-Tom: I like the guy, definitely a more relatable and visible character arc and his design is neat.

-Jackie: I wish my lesbian venice beach girl got more appreciation, but I luv her none the less.

-Janna: I luv my strange bisexual filipino witch-wannabee (you know what I said is true don’t deny it)

-Moon: Never really gave her full trust, but was not disappointed by her in any way, despite various actions in the end.

-River: I liked him in the beginning season, sorta trailed off by the end.

-Kelly: Not sure why she was there, but she was cool.

-Eclipsa: We stan that queen! Loved the fact that her motives were so grey, and you every could tell if she was going to turn out to be truly bad or not.

-Globgor: We stan that king! I adored how he actually was a threat back in his day, but now regrets everything he ever did then (plus him size shifting in fights is creative as hell), wish we could have had more of him, but it’s cool that we got any at all really.

-Glossaryck: I loved him, true chaotic neutral god. He was such a troll, and he has my respect (and to think all he wanted to do was die).

 -Ponyhead: I hope that sack of shit gets donated to a glue factory.

But what is a good story without good villains? Well, this show wants to have a ton of good ones, but nothing really sticks to the wall too well, though they do leave an impact.

LUDO: This is how to do  a comedic villain right. You have fun with him in the beginning, and then you make him into a legit threat the next, and by the end give him a redemption arc so as to let him go back on his old ways without soiling his actual good moments as an antagonist. He was the one who surprised me the most.

TOFFEE: Ooooohhhhhhhhh everybody loves this lawyer-lizard B0I and so do I. This guy’s plan was 1: not evil at all, 2: his methods were borderline black and grey, and 3: it was still going on in the background of the story of the entire show since his arival. His personality was cool, suave, persuasive, manipulative, downright terrifying sometimes, and he was just so good at it. While everyone certainly wishes we had more of him, what we got and how long le lasted just cements him as probably one of my all-time favorite villains ever really.

Ms. HEINOUS/METEORA: Oh shakespeare where art thou? Such a wondrous work this tragedey is. Heinous just starts out as a villain who pushes the patriarchy so you can say “fuck that shit,” tries to steal youth for herself, wants to kill Marco for ruining her perfection, y’know yahoo. But the moment you realize her name is Meteora, and what her past has been like... yeah, this is a fuckin’ shakespearian villain for certain. It gets to a point where you begin to agree with what she’s doing, and you’re glad thing turn out all right for her in the end, but god-damn she was such a captivating force to go up against. Scar can suck one compared to this.

MINA LOVEBERRY: I wanna say this was a good attempt at an Aku-type villain (humor and terror in perfect balance), but yeah she could have been handled better. For what we did get with her though, I’m content with it. It’s just funny to see hobo-usagi here just hulk out and talk with a southern accent about what is essentially senile racism n’ shit. There are hints to a tragic past that led to this, and that was nice, but overall not exactly a swan song.

In fact, that’s kinda how the whole ending was wasn’t it? It was serviceable, but nothing big to write home about. I could have definitely used a little more polish to flesh out some things, but we got left with enough to tide over I suppose, though I so wanna see more. 

I mean, look at this new world we were left with! Could you imagine a new season just exploring that? It sounds like so much fun! However, the crew have this “leave them wanting more mentality (ha! hope you were paying attention to that foreshadowing!),” not to mention I have seen the creator Madame Daron Nefcy encourage all the creative fans this show has to do all sorts of stuff (of which we seemed to have wasted no time and not even waited for the show to end to start doing *glares at the fan-made-starco kids everywhere*).

Really, at the end of it all, I’d compare this entire series to a friend doing a cannonball from a high-dive. First, you’re amazed that they decided to climb the ladder. Second, you’re in awe of the guts their showing to prepare for the jump. Third, you gawk as they actually did jump off into the water from the height. But fourth, you see them underwater and watch them un form the ball and into a weird janky zero-gravity water thing swimming up for air, not to mention you remembered they didn’t swan dive. But that doesnt mean the plunge was all that bad, you enjoyed watching all the steps to it, didn’t you?

Overall, the score I shall leave it at would be... 7.5/10, and an easy thumbs up approval. It’s ending and other aspects have a lot to be desired, but the story and characters are too good to ignore. 

Check it out if you haven’t already (probably binge it), and to Madame Nefcy (if by some stroke of a miracle you see this) thank you so much for creating this show. I am so glad I saw it despite my gripes, and I’d gladly see it again.

[moozixxx-blog]

Klimeks - Reborn - YouTube

Knife Party & Tom Morello - Battle Sirens - YouTube

Korede Bello - Do Like That ( Official Music Video ) - YouTube

Koven & Memtrix - Pessimist - YouTube

Kraddy - Into the Labyrinth - YouTube

Krazy Baldhead - The 4th Movement (The Glitch Mob Remix) - Free DL - YouTube

Kučka - Honey (Medasin Remix) - YouTube

Kukuzenko - Don&apos;t Call Me [Teaser] - YouTube

Kyau & Albert - About The Sun (Original Mix) - YouTube

Kyau & Albert - Bend Girl (Original Mix) - YouTube

kyddiekafka - For No One - YouTube

L&apos;One - Все Танцуют Локтями (Slider & Magnit Remix) :: www.slamdjs.ru - YouTube

LA Priest - Oino - YouTube

Las Ketchup - The Ketchup Song (Asereje) (Spanish Version) (Official Video) - YouTube

Last Regrets (Instrumental) - Kanon Last Regrets / Kaze no Tadori Tsuku Basho Single OST - YouTube

Late Night Alumni - Montage (Mitiska Signature Mix) - YouTube

Le Youth ft. Ava Max - Clap Your Hands [Lliam + Latroit Remix] (Official Audio) - YouTube

Letting You Go - YouTube

LEVV - Collateral Damage (with lyrics) - YouTube

Lexie - Like A Mercedes (Official Video) - YouTube

Lexie 刘昱妤 려위위 - Coco Made Me Do It feat. Nafla - YouTube

Light Prayer - School Food Punishment - YouTube

Light Up The Sky - Stop Me (Official Music Video) - YouTube

Lights Out - Rick Astley - YouTube

LIKEY, Twice - 8 bits - YouTube

Lil Kesh - Shoki Rmx [Official Video] ft. Davido, Olamide - YouTube

Lil Uzi Vert - Push Me (Official Audio) - YouTube

Limp Bizkit - Break Stuff - YouTube

Liniakea - Shore Of Heaven [Original Mix] - YouTube

Linkin Park vs. Ariana Grande - Into Numb You - YouTube

Liquid Soul & Neodyne - Cherub - YouTube

LITE - Ef - YouTube

LITE / Ghost Dance - YouTube

LIVEFASTDIEYOUNG - YouTube

LL Cool J - Headsprung - YouTube

Lloyd - Tru (Official Video) - YouTube

LOCO - No Manners (ft. Gray) [Color Coded Lyrics Eng/Rom/Han] - YouTube

London Elektricity - Hanging Rock | Drum&Bass Heaven - YouTube

LONG TIME COMING - YouTube

Lookas - Apollo - YouTube

LOONA Odd Eye Circle - Chaotic LYRICS [Color Coded Han/Rom/Eng] (LOOΠΔ/ 오드아이써클) - YouTube

LOONA Odd Eye Circle - ODD Front LYRICS [Color Coded Han/Rom/Eng] (LOOΠΔ/ 오드아이써클) - YouTube

LOONA Odd Eye Circle - Uncover LYRICS [Color Coded Han/Rom/Eng] (LOOΠΔ/ 오드아이써클) - YouTube

Loona yyxy-01-dal segno mp3 - YouTube

Louie Lastic - Need Girls - YouTube

Love - Primary (Feat. Bumkey, Paloalto) [Eng Sub] - YouTube

Love Comes Again - YouTube

Love Here (Bassnectar Remix) | Bassnectar - YouTube

Lower Than Atlantis - Had Enough - YouTube

Lower Than Atlantis - Long Time Coming - YouTube

LTJ Bukem - Atlantis - YouTube

Ltj Bukem - Horizons - YouTube

Lucy Rose - Our Eyes - YouTube

Ludacris - Vitamin D ft. Ty Dolla Sign - YouTube

Luke Bond - U vs Loud Luxury & Brando - Body vs Exis - The Count (AVB Mashup) - YouTube

Lumïsade - Let You Go (Extended Mix) - YouTube

Lusine - Baffle - YouTube

Lusine - Gravity - YouTube

M.anifest - Palm Wine & Whisky ft. Dex Kwasi - YouTube

Ma$e - Breathe, Stretch, Shake - YouTube

Machine Gun Kelly - LOCO - YouTube

Machine Gun Kelly - The Gunner - YouTube

Machine Gun Kelly - Wild Boy (Official) ft. Waka Flocka Flame - YouTube

Majid Jordan - Asleep (Official Audio) - YouTube

Majid Jordan - Body Talk - YouTube

Majid Jordan - Not Ashamed (Official Audio) - YouTube

Majid Jordan - OG Heartthrob (Official Audio) - YouTube

Majid Jordan - Phases (Official Video) - YouTube

Majid Jordan - You (Official Audio) - YouTube

Major Lazer - Cold Water (feat. Justin Bieber & MØ) (Official Lyric Video) - YouTube

Malhari Full Video Song | Bajirao Mastani - YouTube

Manafest - Stones (Official Lyric Video) - YouTube

Manu Chao - Me gustas tu - YouTube

Maor Levi - Reflect [2007] - YouTube

Maroon 5 - Wait - YouTube

Martin Solveig & GTA - Intoxicated (DJ Fresh Remix) [HQ] - YouTube

Mase - Welcome Back (Official Music Video) - YouTube

Mat Zo - Vice - YouTube

Matt Fax - Horizon [OUT NOW] - YouTube

Matt Fax - Shift (Original Mix) [Colorized] - YouTube

Maya Jane Coles - "Werk" (Official Audio) - YouTube

MEDASIN & X&G - The Zoo (feat. josh pan) - YouTube

MEG - 02 KiTTENiSH - YouTube

MEG - 04 PRiSM BOY - YouTube

MEG - PASSPORT - YouTube

Melih Kor - Night Rider - YouTube

MHD - AFRO TRAP Part.7 (La Puissance) - YouTube

Michael Gray - The Weekend (Official Video) - YouTube

Mighty Mouth (마이티 마우스) _ 나쁜놈(feat. Soya) _ MV - YouTube

Migos, Nicki Minaj, Cardi B - MotorSport (Official) - YouTube

Mihka! X Kyoto Black – Kodokushi (孤独死) - YouTube

Mike Mago & Dragonette - Outlines (Official Music Video) - YouTube

Mikkas & Amba Shepherd - Finally (Original Mix) - YouTube

MIKNNA - Electric - YouTube

Milly Rock x 2 Milly - YouTube

Mirrorball House (feat. Kali, 예하나) - House Rulez (하우스룰즈) - YouTube

Missy Elliott - I&apos;m Really Hot [Video] - YouTube

MK - 17 (Lyric Video) - YouTube

MOBB - &apos;붐벼(FULL HOUSE)&apos; M/V - YouTube

MOBB - &apos;빨리 전화해 Feat. KUSH(HIT ME)&apos; M/V - YouTube

Moon Hyuna 문현아 - Cricket Song 크리켓송 (Acoustic Chill) Official Video - YouTube

Mord Fustang & Lazy Rich - We Are - YouTube

Motionless In White - Reincarnate (Lyric Video) - YouTube

Multiverse - My Light - YouTube

Mura Masa - ...Girl - YouTube

Mura Masa - Lotus Eater (Tonton Remix) - YouTube

Mura Masa - Suicide Blades - YouTube

Muramasa - Cloud Claps (Soundtrack to a Death) - YouTube

Muscle - The Pump - YouTube

Myon feat. Alissa Feudo - Omen In The Rain (Myon Club Mix) - YouTube

Myon feat. Alissa Feudo - Omen In The Rain (Seven Lions Remix) - YouTube

NAZAR LAG JAYEGI Video Song | Millind Gaba, Kamal Raja | Shabby | Hindi Songs 2018 - YouTube

NCT U 엔시티 유 &apos;BOSS&apos; MV - YouTube

Ne-Yo - Sexy Love - YouTube

Needed Me - YouTube

Neon Bunny - Romance in Seoul - YouTube

Netsky - Lost in this world - YouTube

Netsky - Memory Lane - YouTube

Nevaeh - she tempts me - YouTube

Never Surrender - YouTube

New Era (Original Mix) - YouTube

New Vibe (Giran&apos;s Old Vibe Mix) - YouTube

New Years Day - Relentless (Official Lyric Video) - YouTube

Next In Line - YouTube

NF - 10 Feet Down (Audio) ft. Ruelle - YouTube

NF - NO NAME - YouTube

NF - Real - YouTube

Nick Sember - Mezzo Forte - YouTube

Nickelback - How You Remind Me - YouTube

Nigel Good feat. Richard Caddock - Falling A Little (Original Mix) - YouTube

Night - YouTube

Nipsey Hussle - Come Over (ft. James Fauntleroy) [Crenshaw] - YouTube

Niykee Heaton - Bad Intentions ft. Migos - YouTube

Niykee Heaton - Champagne (Lyric Video) - YouTube

Niykee Heaton - Lullaby - YouTube

Nu.D (누디) - Soulmate MV - YouTube

Nucleya - BASS Rani - Aaja feat Avneet Khurmi & Guri Gangsta - YouTube

Ø F D R E A M // Black Mass - YouTube

Ø F D R E A M // Real answer - YouTube

Ø F D R E A M // Thelema - YouTube

OBESØN - Night Shift - YouTube

Of Mice & Men - Another You (Official Video) - YouTube

Of Mice & Men - Back To Me (Official Music Video) - YouTube

Of Mice & Men - Defy (Official Lyric Video) - YouTube

Of Mice & Men - On The Inside - YouTube

Of Mice & Men - Sunflower - YouTube

Of Mice & Men - Unbreakable (Official Music Video) - YouTube

Of Mice & Men - Vertigo - YouTube

Øfdream - Catacombs - YouTube

Øfdream - Fallen Angel - YouTube

Øfdream - Ninth Gate - YouTube

Øfdream - Our father Enki - YouTube

Øfdream - walking__ On the Abyｓｓ - YouTube

Oh be clever - Love you now (remix) by Jeff Kaale, Englewood and Philo - YouTube

Oh Me Oh My (Malaa Remix) - YouTube

OH SHIT I&apos;M FEELING IT (Better Audio) - YouTube

Oliver Smith - Over You - YouTube

Olivia Hye & GoWon ft. Heejin (LOONA) - Rosy (Color Coded Lyrics/Eng/Rom/Han) - YouTube

ONE OK ROCK - Bombs Away [Acoustic] "STUDIO JAM SESSION VOL.3" - YouTube

ONE OK ROCK - Taking Off [Official Video from Nagisaen] - YouTube

Oneeva - Purity (Original Mix) [Audiophile Live] - YouTube

Only Now (Extended Mix) - YouTube

Ost & Meyer - Million Miles Away (Original Mix) [OUT NOW] - YouTube

Our Last Night - "Broken Lives" (OFFICIAL VIDEO) - YouTube

OZROSAURUS / OG - Official Video - - YouTube

PARTYNEXTDOOR - Break From Toronto [Official Music Video] - YouTube

PARTYNEXTDOOR - Recognize ft. Drake [Official Music Video] - YouTube

PARTYNEXTDOOR - Right Now - YouTube

PARTYNEXTDOOR - Sex On The Beach - YouTube

PARTYNEXTDOOR - Welcome to the Party - YouTube

Perfume 「Everyday」(Kan/Rom/Eng Lyrics) カラオケ｜ 歌詞付き - YouTube

Perfume The best thing - YouTube

Phantoms - Just A Feeling ft. VÉRITÉ - YouTube

Pharoahe Monch-Simon Says - YouTube

Phase & Whiney - It Means Nothing - YouTube

Piece Of Me - YouTube

Pierce Fulton ft. JHart - Landmines - YouTube

PLANET COASTER (2017.10.11) - House Rulez (하우스룰즈) - YouTube

Plastician featuring Skepta- Intensive Snare - YouTube

Point Point - F+L - YouTube

Pour it up (Big O Remix) @TheRealDjBigO - YouTube

Pretty Ricky Late Night Special - YouTube

Progressive House | Axis - Lush (Original Mix) [Enhanced] - YouTube

Pyar ho gaya by stereo nation - YouTube

Rae Morris - Do It [Icarus Remix] - YouTube

RAF 3.0 - Phantom (16BARS.TV PREMIERE) - YouTube

RAF Camora - Kosmischer Staub (prod. Abaz) - Videopremiere - YouTube

RAF Camora - OPERA CAMORA / CØRBO EXCLUSIVE - YouTube

Red - Already over - YouTube

Red - Buried Beneath - YouTube

Red Velvet 레드벨벳_러시안 룰렛 (Russian Roulette)_Music Video - YouTube

Red- Still Alive Lyrics - YouTube

Refused - New Noise (The Bloody Beetroots Remix) - YouTube

REZZ - Edge - YouTube

Rihanna - Kiss It Better (Explicit) - YouTube

Rihanna - Rude Boy (Moshe Buskila Dancehall Remix) - YouTube

Rihanna - Sex With Me [Official Audio] - YouTube

Riton, MNEK, The House Gospel Choir - Deeper (Lyric Video) - YouTube

Robyn - Cobrastyle (RAC Mix) *OFFICIAL* - YouTube

Rodg - Heights (Extended Mix) - YouTube

Rodrigo Deem - Blazar - YouTube

Rude Kid - Aliens - YouTube

Sabrina Claudio - "Unravel Me" (Official Video) - YouTube

Sabrina Claudio - Belong To You (ft. 6lack) [Remix] - YouTube

Sabrina Claudio - Belong To You (Official Video) - YouTube

Sabrina Claudio - Everlasting Love (Official Audio) - YouTube

Sabrina Claudio - Used To (Official Audio) - YouTube

Sabrina Claudio - Wait (Official Audio) - YouTube

SALM - Architecture (DWNTWN Remix) - YouTube

Samba - YouTube

San Holo - We Rise - YouTube

[sanders1665]

Somewhere in time we became the walking dead,

we did not know we were dead until we met,

something peculiar was happening,

hearts began beating, skipping and laughing,

on the horizon, destiny was bringing a debt,

until then, shackles of confinement had to be shed.

Victims of psychological warfare, we were desensitized,

caged by their charms, we knew they cunningly lied,

seeing thru their veiled deceit and the craftily disguised.

Somewhere overhead, a crow called out its warning,

nonchalant cold winds had carried off her once passionate soul,

hopes and dreams replaced with insults and faithlessness,

a wolf had shed its wool, showing its eyes like blazing coals,

living with an unrelenting fear, wearing a brave smile nonetheless,

lost in time, her devastated soul was frozen and in mourning.

Her son was two, she now carried a daughter, she formulated a plan,

freedom was in sight as she drove around town in her red minivan,

when her bible (He's just not that into you) provided epiphany, she realized the wolf was just a pathetic man.

Somewhere over the rainbow, he was shouting I want to break free,

mind, body and soul dulled by routine and obligated loyalty,

living with the unadventurous and unimaginative,

going with the flow as a passenger and quietly passive,

dreaming of excitement, wanting change and feeling guilty,

striving to sever his roots and looking to plant a new tree.

To dull the pain, he made a friend of delightful Mary Jane,

driving thru his town, always in the middle lane,

inside he cried, he didn't argue and dared not complain.

Somewhere out there she was in between days,

at the end of her disintegration, she became a phoenix,

she defiantly faced the cowardly wolf's beastly glare and she roared and roared,

finding her brave, she screamed no more and broke the wolfs fix,

finally hearing the crow's call, she went to the computer keyboard,

she became a fiery lady in red, setting fire to the past and delighted in its blaze.

Her secret plan was on schedule when her daughter started school,

believing in herself once more, she was nobody's fool,

finally slaying the wolf at her door, it was merely a forgotten ghoul.

Somewhere in time and space, dreams do come true,

he also had a plan for when he turned forty,

knowing it was a chance to begin the proverbial new life,

he got himself a tattoo, also a computer, but not to be naughty,

eventually finding the courage to break free of his common law wife,

he too found friends on the Internet, but one was out of the blue.

Saying goodbye to sweet Mary Jane, friends and family,

he changed his apparel and finally admitted life is all about me,

knowing it wasn't a mid life crisis nor for personal vanity.

Somewhere, fortuity and blessing would meet at a fateful location,

they found each other and true love when they wasn't looking,

being pushed together by gravitational disturbances,

the power of love reviving the walking dead and rejuvenating,

their cumbersome pasts finally free of negative influences,

no more humiliating degradation, nor suffocating stagnation.

He was and still is, all shook up when she became his Princess Bride,

their story is an amazing journey, sometimes a crazy roller-coaster ride,

hardly a day goes by when he doesn't look at her with love and pride.

She's was a free spirited country girl from Michigan,

his life was across the sea in England, governed by a rigid family plan,

he was attracted by her playful sarcasm and her amazing life,

she tells him almost daily that she is proud to be his wife.

There are moments we share that gravity wants to create a black hole,

but knowing if we stay strong, our "ohana" will always be together and whole,

our pasts have been forgiven and sometimes revisited with wisdom,

our daughter is an intelligent straight 'A' student and our uniquely talented son has autism.

There doesn't seem to be any sense to the world we live in,

maybe there is no sense to this story that I'm tellin',

gravity is another way of expressing the law of attraction,

my gentle gravity is focused on my family with no tempting distraction.

Its taken nearly 15 billion years for the universe to create this poem,

with the aid of modern technology, I'll send this story out thru my modem,

and with a nod to gravitational nuances, you are drawn here to read this story,

this tale of truth may have its metaphors and literary devices, but there is no allegory.

[readerwinterbarnes]

Motionless - Pt. 20/21

Bucky x Reader, OC’s, Avengers

Summary: The team come back to check up on their teammate and to welcome the two newest members of their family and a plan is made.

Word Count: 2,989

Warnings: Recovery, babies!! No real warnings, just tons of fluff really, tiny bit of smut, swapping POV

A/N: I'M STILL HERE GUYS!! Don’t worry! School’s starting in a few days, so I’ve been trying to get stuff done in preparation for that, but I’ll try to post as much as I can. Anywho, can you believe it? We only have one more part left! It’s been such an adventure and roller coaster writing this for all of you, but I had such a blast!! Let me know how you liked this part!

Reader’s POV

You along with the others piled back into the cars and rushed back to the tower. Steve was literally buzzing with worry for Bucky, the others fidgeting nervously in their seats. You continued with your breathing exercises from your therapist, in order to stay calm. When Bucky laid down with you on Tony’s balcony for your star gazing date, he told you more about the serum. What it does, how it affects him, what its soul purpose was. If it wasn’t for that certain conversation, you would be a complete wreck right now.

Luck was definitely on the team's side as traffic wasn’t that busy and cut the time in getting back to the tower in half. As soon as the cars were parked, everyone piled out of the vehicles, Steve helping you out of the seat and into the wheelchair. Then the group made their way into the main lobby of the tower. Dr. Cho was ready to greet them, the expression on her face giving away her worry.

Tony was the first to speak up, “What’s the diagnosis, doc?” She looked down at the Stark Pad in her hands, then back up to the group.

“I think you all need to follow me.” That was it, there was no further explanations, no other comments, just a quick order and everyone was following behind her, not too excited to hear the news. Helen brings them down to the floor where the Hulk containment room is located, but just before she opens the door leading to the room, she turns around and faces the group.

“I must warn you, that there are some of Tony’s suits behind this door armed and ready if necessary. We needed to take some precautions, but didn’t want to cause him any more harm.” Steve looks at her questionably, you were also worried about how bad this was.

“What do you mean, some of Tony’s suits are in there?” She sighed, a sad look on her face.

“FRIDAY, show them the footage starting from when Mr. Barnes entered containment please.” A screen on the wall lit up and showed the interior of the Hulk Room, then the door opening to reveal one of Tony’s suits ushering a shaking Bucky into the room, then leaving closing the door behind it. What happened next, had the team all on edge with worry. They watched as Bucky screamed as if he was a caged animal ready to kill the handler that had him locked up in the first place. The once dry shirt he wore was now damp with sweat, but it didn’t matter because it was soon ripped off his torso along with the rest of his clothes until he was only in his boxers. There were sharp intakes of breath when his back faced the camera, giving them all a good view of his heavily scarred back and side. The black metal shimmering in the light, contrasting against his red and purple marked skin.

You felt your heart breaking, as you watched Bucky sweat profusely, grabbing his hair, scratching his chest as he tried to breathe even for a second. You cried as you heard his screams billow throughout the room, his skin beginning to flush as his body temperature spiked. Then like a push of a button, the atmosphere changed completely. His body stiffened, an animalistic growl sounded out deep within his chest. The team watched silently as Bucky began to attack the padded door with vigor.

They cringed as he threw himself at the door, beating it to a pulp with his left fist. Managing to tear off the padded interior so it was just metal against metal. Hit after hit, the door began to give way, the door beginning to billow outwards. Which shocked both Tony and Bruce because not only did they just replace that door, they added another alloy to it in which they were more than sure dents wouldn’t be an issue. How wrong they were.

They could hear the metal began to give way, creaking under the pressure of all the built up anger and pain from the force behind it all. Bucky didn’t stop and showed no signs of stopping, even when the metal plates started cutting away at his flesh, leaving a trail of red behind. It wasn’t until a short time after when they heard a loud shout coming from the video. Bucky stilled, right hand clutching the left arm to his chest, leaning his forehead against the door. There was something off about his back, but it was quickly pushed aside as heart-wrenching sobs came through the speakers. His body slid down to the floor and curled up on itself, the video then cut off. FRIDAY turned off the screen, pulling the team back to the present.

“The feed ended just as you guys drove up to the tower. We haven’t entered the room yet just to be safe. From FRIDAY’s readings, his body temperature is now declining, which is good for both our sakes.” Helen told the group as she had FRIDAY open the doors to let them in. Where they were indeed met with a few of Tony’s suits and a billowed outdoor.

“FRIDAY, what’s Barnes’s status?” Tony asked his AI as he made his way towards the room first, Steve following behind him.

“Mr. Barnes has exerted himself of energy, his body temperature is normal, but I’m afraid he’s going to need some medical help, Boss. My scans show that he has quite a few broken ribs from the fight with the door.” Tony nodded as he took in the information, they all heard a quiet voice speak up.

“I’m fine, nothing’ I can’t handle.”

“Mr. Barnes insists he’s fine, Boss, but clearly he’s stubborn and thinks he’s got this handled,” FRIDAY spoke up with a hint of amusement in her voice.

“Traitor.”

“I live to please, Mr. Barnes.” The group took a breath of relief and you just laughed, holding your very pregnant belly as your kids began to kick.

“Yes babies, he’s back. Your stubborn, pain in the ass, adorable father is back and going to be just fine.”

“I’m not stubborn and not adorable, I’m a very deadly assassin, fuck I’m the Winter Soldier dammit! Assassin’s aren’t adorable.” Bucky complained from the opposite side of the door and continued to complain as the group laughed for a short bit.

“Alright, let’s get Mr. Grumpy Gills to the infirmary before Y/N kicks all our asses,” Tony replied, waiting until FRIDAY opened the door for them to find Bucky laying on his side on the floor facing them. A scowl on his face, but you could tell he was masking the pain well. You just hoped this wouldn’t set you guys back any further.

Bucky didn’t have to stay in the infirmary for long, Helen kept him overnight just to make sure and practically forced him to meet with his therapist after he was released to discuss his recent episode. You decided to wait in the comfy waiting area until he was finished, it went on for an hour so you took advantage of your location. When Bucky came out of his therapist's office, you were engulfed in the huge fluffy bean bag that was sitting in the corner. You knew it was a bad idea because there was no way you were getting up.

“Doll, you ready to head back?” You look up from where you sat, to see him staring at you a grin forming on his face. “Let me guess, you lost the battle against gravity?”

“Fuck you.” You tried to sound pissed, but just couldn’t because you were so comfy.

“Maybe after the twins are born, yeah?” Bucky smirked at you as he knelt down in front of you, wedging himself between your legs. His hands resting on your thighs, massaging his way up to your hips knowing how sore you were. If you weren’t pregnant you would’ve pulled him closer to get a little more action, but his hands felt too good for you to want anything else.

“Shiiiit, whatever you’re doing don’t fuckin’ stop.” You moaned out as you felt yourself float away in absolute bliss. Bucky’s head tilted back as he laughed, but didn’t stop from what he was doing. He leaned forward and kissed your stomach a few times before locking his curious eyes with yours.

“How’d you get here anyway?” He asked, looking over to the side where your wheelchair sat.

“Steve came by and chatted with me for a bit and I had him place me here because that chair is uncomfortable as fuck and we are SO getting one of these. Or we’ll just steal this one, no one will know it’s missing.” You smiled widely up at him, knowing that you were definitely getting one of these in the future.

“Oh Y/N I love you.” Bucky smiled down at you and moved upwards to kiss you long and deeply. Sliding his hands up your sides so they rested above your head as he carefully situated himself between your thighs. You felt his tongue graze your lips begging for you to open up for him, how couldn’t you? His lips felt perfect against yours, but he tasted even better, so you granted him entrance. It wasn’t much longer until your hands made their way into his hair pulling him closer to you, nails scratching his scalp, causing him to groan out. You smiled into his mouth as you felt him harden against your thigh. This was gonna be fun. Hooking your legs behind his calves, you ran a hand down his chest, making sure to dig your nails through his shirt.

“D-Doll, what are you doing?” He stuttered against your mouth, breath hitching as you toyed with the button of his jeans, grazing the skin just below his navel.

You tilted his head to the side, making your way down his jaw, pulling his earlobe with your teeth, “Relax big guy, you’re too stressed.” Breathing huskily in his ear as you unbuttoned his jeans, the sound of the zipper being pulled down echoing throughout the quiet space. You slipped your hand down his boxers and took his hard cock into your hand, jerking him softly.

“F-Fuck, fuck, Y/N, fuck,” his face dropped to your neck as he began to breathe heavily, whining out as you ran your thumb over his slit. Using his pre-come as lube to help jerk him off, twisting your hand as you neared his head, then gripping the base of his cock only to slide your hand back up.

“Y/N, babe...please, oh god,” Bucky started to rock his hips in time with your hand, desperate for release, “I’m so close.” You smiled into his neck, dragging your teeth across his skin.

“You wanna cum? You wanna cum just by my hand?” He nodded quickly as he began to shake slightly when you picked up the pace. “Then cum for me baby, cum all over my hand.” You said as you sucked a huge mark on his neck, which pushed him over the edge. His hips faltered as he came undone above you, releasing into your hand.

“H-Holy shit that was hot.” Bucky smiled widely above you before crashing his lips into yours.

“Yeah, holy shit is right.” The pair of you froze from the voice across the room, “What the fuck guys? Seriously?!” Glancing over Bucky’s shoulders, you see Steve and Nat standing there. Nat was grinning, but Steve looked pissed, his arms crossed and red faced. Bucky hid his face in your neck as his best friend just stood there, you just laughed and kissed his temple as you tucked him back into his boxers - after wiping your hand off on them- then zipped him back up.

“Oh come on Steve, I’m pregnant and horny, who has a sexy as fuck fiance. Give a girl some credit.” You laughed even harder when Steve started waving his hands around telling you to stop.

“Just, next time do it in a room where people won’t walk in.” You stilled, staring wide eyed at Bucky who’s head jerked up to look at you with the same expression.

“Uh, well...that might have to wait,” Bucky kneeled back and sure enough, there was a wet patch between your legs. “Fuck, my water broke.”

Bucky’s POV

Helen had me wait outside the room as she prepared Y/N, getting her settled to bring our twins into the world. To say I was nervous would be an understatement, I was fucking terrified. The fact that in just a few hours, I was going to be a real father holding and taking care of two kids.

Fuck

Natasha was sitting down flipping through one of the magazines, something about gardening. Or maybe it was food. Fashion? I wasn’t entirely sure because my brain was running a mile a minute as I paced back in forth.

“Barnes, sit down before you hurt yourself, you’re starting to make me feel sick.” She said still flipping through the pages.

“Already did, if you happened to miss the events of this past year,” I grumbled back as I started thinking of way too many things. What will they think of me? Will the serum be passed along to them? What if I have a nightmare and end up scaring them? Hurting them? What if Albern really isn’t dead and he’s just waiting until the twins are born? My thoughts were broken when a soft hand held my face in place, bringing me back to reality.

“Hey, calm down, Yasha, stop thinking like that. You’re going to be a great father, they have you to protect them. And Y/N will be here as well.” I focused on Nat’s green eyes, breathing in and out as I calmed down. The rest of the team filed into the waiting area just as Nat sat back down, Clint sitting beside her.

“So Frosty, you ready to become a father? Got any names picked out yet?” I fiddled with my left shoulder, rubbing the scars there, thinking of Clint’s question.

“Y-Yeah, yeah I am. Y/N and I haven’t thought of names yet, never really had a chance to.” Now I really started to fidget. After all, that’s happened, I still struggled to be in separate rooms from Y/N. I always seemed more at ease when she was in the same room as me, where I could tell she was safe. Thankfully I didn’t have to wait long, because Helen walked in with Bruce, smiles on their faces.

“Bucky, are you ready? Y/N’s close and she wants you in there with her.” I looked at Helen then back at the group who were watching me with excitement, then back at Helen.

“Fuck yeah I’m ready,” I stood up with jerky movements, still coming to terms with this actually happening. “Shit, I’m gonna be a fuckin’ dad,” I said softly to myself as I followed Helen and Bruce into the room where Y/N was waiting after they had me clean up a bit. She looked tired and so very ready to push, but there was clearly a hidden fear behind her eyes. I rushed to her side and held her hands.

“Doll, it’s going to be alright. Our little ones will be here soon.” I kissed her temple, leaning my head against hers.

“We can do this, right? Because I can’t do this without you, James.” I let go of her hands to hold her face.

“I’m not going anywhere, Y/N Y/L/N, you’re stuck with me whether you like it or not. And these kids? Shit, these kids are going to be so spoiled and I can’t wait to watch and help them grow. And to love them with you at my side.” Y/N gave me a watery smile before cringing in pain, squeezing my hands tightly as another contraction hit.

“Y/N, are you ready to meet them?” Helen asked as she sat down in between her legs, nurses at the ready.

“Hell yes,” she quickly pulled me in for a quick kiss, “more than ready.”

It was a long two hours until we met our first child, our son. They let me cut the umbilical cord before a nurse came by with a blanket to clean him up and weigh him. We didn’t have to wait much longer until Y/N’s contractions picked up again. I brushed her damp hair out of her face and whispered encouraging words into her ear.

“Alright Y/N, I’m going to need you to push again,” Helen told her, but Y/N shook her head.

“I-I can’t, it’s too much. It...it hurts Bucky, I can’t do this.” I kissed her tears away and smiled at her.

“You got this doll, just a little while longer before we get to meet her.” That seemed to help because she was ready to push again. I helped her, by sitting behind her to help her sit up. This was probably the longest five minutes of my life, but soon the shrill cry of our little girl filled the room. Y/N sagged back in relief against my chest, crying out in joy. I carefully slipped from the bed to stand by her side as the nurses brought over the twins, all cleaned and swaddled in blankets. I looked at the girl in my arms and the boy in Y/N’s in absolute amazement. Our son was a good healthy 18.5 inches and 6.25 pounds. While our daughter was much smaller, 16.8 inches and 5.52 pounds. But they were both healthy and that’s all that mattered to me.

We were finally a family and I couldn’t wait until we got to show them off to the others.

Motionless Tag List: Bolded ones won’t tag :(

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[always-kp]

[Quotes from...] The Sirens of Titan, by Kurt Vonnegut

"Every one now knows how to find the meaning of life within himself. But mankind wasn't always so lucky. Less than a century ago men and women did not have the easy access to the puzzle boxes within them. They could not name one of the fifty-three portals to the soul. Gimcrack religions were big business. Mankind, ignorant of the truths that lie within every human being, looked outward - pushed ever outward. What mankind hoped to learn in its outward push was who was actually in charge of all creation, and what all creation was all about. Mankind flung its advance agents ever outward, ever outward. Eventually it flung them out into space, into the colorless, tasteless, weightless sea of outwardness without end. It flung them like stones. Those unhappy agents found what had already been found in abundance on Earth - a nightmare of meaninglessness without end. The bounties of space, of infinite outwardness, were three: empty heroics, low comedy, and pointless death. Outwardness lost, at last, its imagined attractions. Only inwardness remained to be explored. Only the human soul remained to be explored. Only the human soul remained terra incognita. This was the beginning of goodness and wisdom. What were people like in olden times, with their souls as yet unexplored?" Pg. 1 "Money, position, health, handsomeness, and talent aren't everything." Pg. 7 "There is room enough for an awful lot of people to be right about things and still not agree." Pg. 8 "...everything that has ever been always will be, and everything that ever will be always has been." Pg. 20 "What Beatrice had done with her face, actually, was what any plain girl could do. She had overlaid it with dignity, suffering, intelligence, and a piquant dash of bitchiness." Pg. 36 "The insane, on occasion, are not without their charms." Pg. 37 "'Life for a punctual person is like a roller coaster... All kinds of things are going to happen to you! Sure,... I can see the whole roller coaster you're on. And sure - I could give you a piece of paper that would tell you about every dip and turn, warn you about every bogeyman that was going to pop out at you in the tunnels. But that wouldn't help you any... Because you'd still have to take the roller coaster... I didn't design the roller coaster, I don't own it, and I don't say who rides and who doesn't. I just know what it's shaped like.'" Pg. 54 "It isn't the American way to take no got an answer where progerse is concerned." Pg. 56 "Universal Will to Become. UWTB is what makes universes out of nothingness - that makes nothingness insist on becoming somethingness." Pg. 138 "'I don't know what's going on... and I'm probably not smart enough to understand if somebody was to explain it to me. All I know is we're being tested somehow, by somebody or something a whole lot smarter than us, all I can do is be friendly and keep calm and try and have a nice time till it's over.'" Pg. 205 "'I found me a place where I can do good without doing any harm, and I can see I'm doing good, and them I'm doing good for know I'm doing it, and they love me... as best as they can. I found me a home. And when I die down here some day... I'm going to be able to say to myself, '...you made millions of lives worth living. Ain't nobody ever spread more joy. You ain't even got an enemy in the Universe.''" Pg. 217 "There were literally billions of happily self-handicapped people on Earth. And what made them all so very happy was that nobody took advantage of anybody any more." Pg. 228 "'I was a victim of a series of accidents,' he said. He shrugged. 'As are we all.'" Pg. 232 "Salo was punctual--that is, he lived one moment at a time--and he liked to tell Rumfoord that he would rather see the wonderful colors at the far end of the spectrum than either the past or the future." Pg. 272 "Once upon a time on Tralfamadore there were creatures who weren't anything like machines. They weren't dependable. They weren't efficient. They weren't predictable. They weren't durable. And these poor creatures were obsessed with the idea that everything that existed had to have a purpose, and that some purposes were higher than others. These creatures spent most of their time trying to find out what their purpose was. And every time they found out what seemed to be a purpose of themselves, the purpose seemed so low that the creatures were filled with disgust and shame. And, rather than serve such a low purpose, the creatures would make a machine to serve it. This left the creatures free to serve higher purposes. But whenever they found a higher purpose, the purpose still wasn't high enough. So machines were made to serve higher purposes, too. And the machines did everything so expertly that they were finally given the job of finding out what the highest purpose of the creatures could be. The machines reported in all honesty that the creatures couldn't really be said to have any higher purpose at all. The creatures thereupon began slaying each other, because they hated purposeless things above all else. And they discovered that they weren't even very good at slaying. So they turned that job over to the machines, too. And the machines finished up the job in less time than it takes to say, 'Tralfamadore.'" Pg. 279 "Salo was inspired to make so many statues by the showy ways in which Earthlings behaved. It wasn't so much what the Earthlings did as the way they did it that inspired Salo. The Earthlings behaved at all times as though there were a big eye in the sky--as though that big eye were ravenous for entertainment. The big eye was a glutton for great theater. The big eye was indifferent as to whether the Earthling shows were comedy, tragedy, farce, satire, athletics, or vaudeville. Its demand, which Earthlings apparently found as irresistible as gravity, was that the shows be great... The big eye was the only audience that Earthlings really cared about. The fanciest performances that Salo had seen had been put on by Earthlings who were terribly alone. The imagined big eye was their only audience." Pg. 281 "'Such as it was, such as it is, such as it will be.'" Pg. 302 "'The worst thing that could possibly happen to anybody,' she said, 'would be to not be used for anything by anybody.'" Pg. 317 "'Anybody who has traveled this far on a fool's errand,' said Salo, 'has no choice but to uphold the honor of fool's by completing the errand.'" Pg. 319 "'A purpose of human life, no matter who is controlling it, is to love whoever is around to be loved.'" Pg. 320