#cocaine Bear*affectionate

[daisyishedwig]

Tag someone you want to get to know better.

I was tagged by @annepi-blog, thank you!

favorite color: Blue, it's always been blue. When I was in jr high I tried to pretend it was black because I was emo, but it was still blue. Specifically a bright blue.

last song: Well I'm currently watching Glee, so it would be Hold On. But outside of that, it's Starting Gun by Mad Moon Riot. I was in a nostalgic mood.

last movie: I just watched All You Ever Wished For yesterday and Puppy Love the day before that (it's been a week for bad romcoms). In theaters I saw Jurrasic Park in 3D for National Cinema Day a few weeks ago.

currently watching: Currently in season 5 of Glee and of course keeping up on Ahsoka as it airs.

other stuff I watched this year: TV: I was watching White Collar and Red Dwarf, I still need to finish both of those but Glee distracted me. I also rewatched all of Farscape, Stargate SG-1, and Jericho, and of course Heartstopper when season 2 came out. Movies wise I saw Barbie and Oppenheimer, the new Scream, and Cocaine Bear. I feel like there were other new things Ive watched recently but I don't remember what.

shows I dropped this year/didn't finish: I haven't watched any new shows to drop, but I did pause in my Red Dwarf rewatch for White Collar and then I paused that for a Glee rewatch, but I will get back to them, eventually.

currently reading: Still need to finish Red White and Royal Blue, but I just started I Keep My Exoskeletons to Myself. And then for fanfic I'm in the middle of How Bright We Burn and Bad Seeds (both Seblaine at Dalton AUs) and Don't You Remember (A Kurtbastian fic). I'm also in the middle of the audiobook for Stranger Than Fanfiction

currently listening to: I've of course been obsessively listening to the Nerdy Prudes Must Die album since it came out, and then also just all of Chord Overstreets songs. And then for podcasts I've been listening to Woe.Begone of course but I'm way behind on Malevolent and Celler Letters.

currently working on: I've been outlining my 3-part Season 2/3 AU that I'm affectionately referring to as The Hevans Saga, The Klaine Saga, and The Seblaine Saga. And of course I'm still in the middle of writing things for Seblaine week and I started a part 2 of my Autistic!Kurt AU.

current obsession: Seblaine almost feels too obvious, but it's accurate. But also just thinking about Glee in general and specifically Blaine, Kurt, and Sam and all of the ways they were screwed over by the show and how many fics I want to write to fix it.

Tagging (no pressure ofc): Well, we'll tag some old friends @itallstartedwithharry and @dontmockmyawkwardness and also some new ones @calsvoid, @bitbybitwrites, @kurtsascot, @wowbright, and @lusthurts

[tsunderesalty]

Top 5 M/M ships!

Hmm, good question! A lot of you may not know (though it's kind of obvious), but I do not have very many M/M ships! Let's get this list started, though!

1: Daveed/Eddie from Cocaine Bear! I finally watched Cocaine Bear for the first time just the other day, and while I went in fully expecting the pure gore and amazing comedy that I received, I did not expect to find my favorite M/M ship of all time! They're so absolutely stupid and I love them!

2: Kyojuro Rengoku/Tengen Uzui from Demon Slayer! Tengen is easily one of my top three favorite Demon Slayer characters, and Rengoku's intense yet caring attitude meshes so well with Tengen's brash attitude pairs so well with it! I'm fully convinced Tengen was prepared to make Rengoku his husband before Rengoku died.

3: Peter Parker/Harry Osborn! Look, so much happens in the Spider-Man 2 game on Ps5 that has fully convinced me that Harry is absolutely gay and that Peter is a very confused bi. Every scene with the two (like Peter canonically telling Harry he loves him) just really has that fluffy dynamic that I really love!

4: Stu Macher/Billy Loomis from Scream! Those two are just so absolutely demented together, and you cannot convince me that there has been a gayer Ghostface than Stu! Serial killer boyfriends, Your Honor!

5: Jayce/Viktor from Arcane: League of Legends! "Partners". The way they use that word so affectionately towards each other, and both of them directly saving the other person's life at least once. Jayce and Viktor even dedicated years of their life to each other and spent nearly waking moment with the other! I love it to bits!

Thank you for the ask, Bleep!

[moorheadthanyoucanhandle]

TROUBLE WITH THE CARVE

Opening this week:

Thanksgiving--Slasher movies of the '70s and early '80s were often holiday-themed. Black Christmas, Halloween, My Bloody Valentine, Silent Night, Deadly Night, New Year's Evil and April Fool's Day are all examples, while Friday the 13th and Happy Birthday to Me, while not strictly about holidays, are still tied to special dates and the convenient unity of time they provide. But Thanksgiving was somehow the major holiday the genre seemed to miss.

There actually were a couple of little-remembered attempts--Home Sweet Home in 1981 and Blood Rage in 1987. But neither seemed to count, perhaps because they didn't use the holiday in the title, or perhaps because they didn't sufficiently exploit the gruesome possibilities offered by the day's rituals. Whatever else may be said about it, the newly-made but self-consciously old-school slasher picture Thanksgiving works hard to include every classic Turkey Day trope.

A shoppers' riot and stampede at a store that shouldn't be open on Thanksgiving leads to bedlam and grisly death in a small Massachusetts town. "One Year Later"--as a subtitle traditionally informs us--a figure in the mask and garb of a Pilgrim skulks around exacting vengeance on those deemed responsible for the disaster. Everything eventually converges in a ghastly sit-down dinner.

The film traces its inception back to 2007, when two movies, the Robert Rodriguez shocker Planet Terror and Quentin Tarantino's stunt thriller Death Proof, were released as a double feature under the joint title Grindhouse. In and around the two features, the show included several "fake trailers" for fictitious grindhouse-style movies. Two of these have already wagged the dog as the basis for real features, Machete (2010) and Hobo With a Shotgun (2011); Thanksgiving marks the third.

Directed by Eli Roth, the Thanksgiving trailer in Grindhouse captured the nastiest, most low-rent atmosphere of a vintage gore movie, complete with scratched, faded footage, some really sleazo shocks, and the smarmy, glottal tones of the narrator (Roth himself?). You could almost believe it wasn't a put-on.

The new feature, directed by Roth from a script by Jeff Rendell, doesn't try for this level of faux-authenticity. The setting is contemporary, the budget clearly comfortable, and cell phones and social media figure prominently in the plot. But the movie still has a nice old-fashioned pace and structure and flavor, and the nostalgia of this is much of what makes it unsavory fun.

I'll admit that in recent years I've largely lost my stomach for slasher flicks. Moreover, I thought Roth's 2002 debut feature Cabin Fever was an interesting misfire at best, and I took a pass on his 2005 torture flick Hostel. But he strikes an affectionate tone here, and he employs techniques that distance us from compassion for the victims. Most simply and effectively, he makes many of them, especially the early ones, deeply and amusingly unsympathetic.

The cast is livened up by some veterans, like Patrick Dempsey, Rick Hoffman and Gina Gershon, and the "final girl" (Nell Verlaque) has a lovely presence, and unlike so many heroines back in the day, she fights back, resourcefully and successfully. It was also great to see Lynne Griffin, the first victim from 1974's Black Christmas--and the Hamlet figure in the Bob and Doug McKenzie movie Strange Brew--in a bit here.

Most notably, the film keeps it light. As with two other movies from earlier this year, Cocaine Bear and Renfield, Thanksgiving goes in for extreme, over-the-top splatter effects, and they aren't scary, nor do they seem meant to be. They aren't even all that gross. There's no visceral substance to them; the bodies of the victims go to pieces like gingerbread men, and the effect, seemingly deliberate, is cartoonish slapstick. We're about as likely to take their suffering seriously as that of Wile E. Coyote.

Maybe it's how entertainment like this works best: as a sort of anarchic Punch and Judy show, using humans instead of puppets. Like Thanksgiving dinner, it wouldn't be healthy to consume this sort of thing every day, but about once a year, it can hit the spot.

[faerienextdoor]

general relationship hcs with (some) pastas

Fair warning, I'm using and hinting at mine and my friends’ writing for these creeps :) enjoy  also as soon as i figure out how to open an ask box, I’ll be accepting requests

Brian:

- oh where to start with this absolute himbo

- he melts around you. like he's your bitch, and you're his.

- he's the type of boyfriend that takes you out in the snow and shoves a handful down the back of your jacket, and laughs until you shove snow in his face

- it is snow war

- it ends with you cuddling him, wrapped in a blanket and content in front of the burning fire he got started just for you <3

- but he also has some weird... habits.

- drinks pickle juice.

- gets his hand stuck in the jar.

- looks at you like 🥺 until you sigh and help him. for the fifteenth time.

- he can cook some basic breakfast foods, and happily breaks out a cookbook to prepare you something as a surprise or to learn something with you!!

- baking with him would be a mess. he forgets flour goes everywhere and now you both look like you took a bath in cocaine

- but the cupcakes are mediocre at best. they aren't absolute garbage, so... cupcake points!

- he worries about how hoodie treats you. he doesn't remember anything when he regains control, but you've reassured him hoodie is just fine.

- and he is

(hoodie)

- hoodie is like a rottweiler or a doberman.

- protective. intimidating. energetic.

- but also a giant fucking baby.

- this large ass man lumbers over and drops to his knees. places his chin on your lap and stares at you from the fabric of his mask until you stop what you're doing and stroke his head awkwardly

- you could swear he does those happy grumbled a rottie does.

- hoodie is silent but shows he loves you just as much as brian does. He strokes your hair silently, even places a kiss to the crown of your head as you sink into his beefy arms.

- he smells nice too. surprisingly.

- but that raises the question: if hoodie showers, does he shower with that damn thing on?

- you won't get an answer if you were to ask.

- brian introduces you to his grandma julia. and she dotes on you.

- the immortal old lady remarks that you’re the best s/o brian has brought to her yet.

Tim:

- a lumberjack man with biceps like a fucking tree trunk

- how'd you land him? give me your secrets (/j)

- he's such a love bug. a tired stressed love bug.

- he finds /every/ excuse to have physical contact with you. it's like a little touch from you reassures him that you're real. you're like a dream to him.

- he's the best for cuddles. He holds you to his chest

- and you get special access to his moobs

- and he gently strokes your head, traces shapes into your back, etc. it's a special intimate moment each time.

- my man's is italian-american but can't cook to save his fucken life

- he always gets your favorite microwave meals though!! he never forgets.

- not feeling good? dw baby he's making it for you <33 shitty low tier bean and cheese burrito coming up

- slowly he learns the basics and surprises you with lunch or even dinner if you're lucky!!

- he loves you so much. and wants you to feel it and know it. all the time.

(masky)

- god where to start with this bitch

- he's not jeff levels of bad ofc, but he's silent and... weird. creepy, some may say. he doesn't mean to be.

- and he's a hard ass. far more strict than tim.

- he follows you around like a giant fucken puppy and will spook you by grabbing you abruptly and holding you tightly

- you can't escape him. he really utilizes his physical strength

- he loves lifting you up and just... holding you. or carrying you off.

- protective and overbearing.

- but tim keeps him under control.

(angst)

- he wouldn't want to lose you like he lost his last wife.

- you find pictures of a woman laying around and a small girl that bears a striking resemblance to her and tim.

- tim goes quiet and questioned but eventually caves and tells you about his family

- or what he used to have

- his wife died and his daughter disappeared.

- it broke him and you're all he has left now

- constantly needs your affection in return to his own

- pls love him

jeff:

- why the fuck would you date him

- he's the absolute worst in so many aspects. But he genuinely tries for you.

- even if his gifts are shitty, it's nice to know he thoughts of you, right? even if it's a half dead flower or a rib torn from a deer caraccas.

- but you get the butt end of his shithead antics. ranch bath, specifically. he smelt like spoiled milk for a week after and you had to cuddle that fucker.

- and don't get me started on mayo bath

- but he still loves finding himself in your arms. or finding you in his. he's demanding affection wise, and will yank you into him for some cuddles. whether you like it or not.

- he isn't one for a lot of pet names, but calls you curse words or "sweetheart" in polish.

- and you get to see the side of him that only shows when he breaks down.

(bit of angst)

- he misses his family and the life he used to have. he'll reminisce what it was like in poland with his mom and family with you, and you sometimes swear you can see his brown eyes gloss over at the memory of her.

- he never talks about his dad, you've noticed.

- don't ask.

- he brushes off heavy conversations with some dumb quip ("wanna see my renegade?")

- he sucks at cooking. god awful at it. but he really tries for you. manages a bowl of oat meal that's edible.

- but he overloads it with sugar and for some reason, salt.

- he's confused. he thinks that's normal (it isn't)

- his idea of a date is napping with you. or rather, forcing you into nap time.

- I mean it when I say this man is strong in a weird fucken way. latches onto you with that iron grip and you won't be able to leave for at least a few hours.

jane:

- ethereal wlw woman.

- could break you with her heels. or a flutter of what eyelashes she has.

- you're lucky to have her, and she's just as lucky to have you!

- she's sweet and charming. very smooth and takes good care of you.

- her love language is a mix of physical touch and acts of service.

- she'll cuddle you all night, and then make you breakfast in the morning.

- she loves showering with you when she's comfy enough around you! it's super intimate and she washes your hair.

- massages the soap into your hair, suds spilling down your neck and back as her fingers scrub circles into your scalp.

- it's heaven on earth. such a domestic life.

- it'll take a while for her to settle enough in the relationship for you to see her without her mask

- you make her feel so loved and wanted

- secure, even.

- she's protective but not controlling or overbearing. shes that type of girlfriend that's just a worrywart and relaxes as soon as you're curled up in her arms. you fit there perfectly, too. like you belong there.

- which you do. at least in her mind

- she has such a gentle touch and hold on you. like she's afraid you'll combust in her arms if she holds you too tightly.

- she loves stroking your hair and having you nap

- using her tiddies as a pillow 👌

(angst)

- she needs affirmation from you when it comes to her scars.

- she thinks that jeff ruined her. permanently marking her once spotless body.

- and she thinks you'll hate her or find her disgusting.

- that's why she freezes if/when you gently slip off her mask.

- she stares at you with those teary green eyes. then leans in and kisses you

- you make all of her worries disappear.

- she's also financially comfortable, but not really rich (on that topic: eat the rich)

- she spoils you every chance she gets. gifts, a nice dinner date, you name it

- she almost spoils you as much as she does her cat Emory

- little shit has the sparkliest fucken collar and acts like he's the shit

- he's your fur baby too now

Helen:

- oh my god this disaster of an art boi

- he's convinced he's the luckiest man in the world (and he might as well be!!)

- he obviously wouldn't have been the one to confess. but it was really obvious by how he painted and drew you constantly, that some feeling for you was lodged into his beating heart.

- he treats you like the finest china. with the most care a man can manage.

- he's the definition of clingy and affectionate from the very start.

- he curls around your sleeping form perfectly when y'all cuddle.

- his hand dances in your hair, soothing you into a dreamless sleep each night without fail.

- he has a magic touch and a gentle voice.

- and he cherishes you so fucken much. (like a simp /j)

- he shies away from kisses at first, but will hold your hand and melts if you hold his face in them!!!

- he's greek, and often speaks sweet things to you in it. he's so comfortable around you that he speaks in his native language to you. that's an accomplishment.

- he loves when you baby him. helen loves being cradled and loved.

- taking a nap with his head on your chest also hits different. he's so in love with you

(angst)

- he's afraid of losing you. who wouldn't be? you're amazing and you love /him/ of all people

- he thinks very negatively of himself. please scold him for self deprecating.

- he always worries he'll wake up and you'll be gone.

- so he holds you extra close at night. and follows you around when you leave for any reason. Trails behind you like a lost puppy in need of a gentle kiss.

- which, is what he essentially is

- and also: pls steal his sweater and wear it. he'll cry over how cute you are.

[materassassino]

💘💓 for the shipping ask?

YAY THANK FOR ASK \o/

Controversial Shipping Asks

💘 Ship that is unpopular but you still like:

I guess... Shallura from Voltron? Like don't get me wrong, I fucking HATE Voltron, I have nothing but bad memories of it (except for the friends I got from it) but I still think that as a pairing concept they absolutely SLAPPED. Two extremely traumatised people, both survivors, both victims who refuse to back down? Described as the head and heart of the Giant Robot Made Of Cats? Equals but he defers to her authority? Sacrificing themselves for each other all the time? The tenderness they had in the first two seasons? Genuinely aesthetically harmonious together in a way that makes brain go brrrr? Man they could have been something special for sure. It's unpopular for one very very stupid reason ("sHe'S a TeEnAgEr!!!") and two kind of understandable reasons (Shiro was confirmed gay at the last minute to try and sweep under the rug the amounts of abuse the writers heaped on him and also the show is fucking garbáge and no one likes it anymore) but like... oh, those halcyon days of 2016. I guess I still like it for the potential it had and that fundamentally their dynamic still goes hard, for a m/f ship.

💓 Ship that you didn’t expect to ship but now do:

I mean, do any of us set out to ship? No, it's supposed to be an organic development, the part of your brain that ships is the goblin part that goes "ooooh shiny!". All this to say all of my ships have been unexpected, but if you mean something that I'm like "this is OOC for me to ship" then... Probably Russingon? For obvious reasons, I'm not usually into that shit at all, but something about the eagle rescue and the Union of Maedhros and "whom shall they bear hither first? Fingon the valiant?" and "the thought of their ancient friendship stung his heart" and all that fuckery, and just enough degrees of familial separation that it isn't horrendously squicky. (I know you're not a fan of the ship but hey, it's my honest answer!) All my other ships are generally more predictably "me". Wait... there is another. Definitely Angbang. I'm not usually into villains and fucked up ships, like, AT ALL (except for Hannigram but everyone ships that) so like... being into Angbang really surprised me? But it's an OTP, for some reason I fucking love it, it's like cocaine. I'm usually more into actually loving and affectionate ships so it's strange for me to hate it when people write them fluffy and adoring, I like it when Melkor is vicious and possessive and Mairon is jealous and sassy and they both bring out the absolute WORST in each but the sex is hot and Mairon is excruciatingly devoted to Melkor (and it's reciprocated but in Melkor's own uniquely screwed up way). It's like *chef's kiss* good in all the wrong ways.

[sapiowoman28]

Try (Chapter 1): Just do it.

Pairing: mark x reader x Johnny

Genre: smut fluff undercover Au

Warnings: mentions of drug addiction, cocaine addiction, drug ring, taeyong being a tyrant, y/n being stubborn

Note: I’m sorry TY seems like an asshole in this story. He will get nicer I promise

Note 2: this chapter has no smut.

Read the preview first!!!!

Y/N loathed Doyoung with every fibre of her being, and the feeling was mutual, but Doyoung was nothing compared to the jackass she had to deal with now since D was recovering from that accident which almost killed him.

D understood she had been hacking since she was 14, and gave her a free reign on anything tech related.

Taeyong? Not much.

“What do you mean you can’t extract the data files from the server?”

“We can, but I’m not going to do it. They recently installed some new defence technology that can track everything. We risk getting found out if we extract anything from the server. Then there goes our entire operation.”

Taeyong glared, fist tightening.

“Listen. I don’t want any more excuses. I want the files. By tomorrow. I thought we already discussed this, Y/N.”

“And I made it clear I won’t do it, Taeyong,”

She said firmly

The whole room was silent, tension in the air so thick you could cut a knife through it. Kun looked down, pretending to write in his notebook. Taeil got up and announced he was going to the restroom.

Mark took out his phone. This was going to take a while. He might as well order lunch.

But he was listening, as Taeyong and Y/N argued, both refusing to give in.

“Look, if we get found out and the operation fails, I’ll be the one bearing the responsibility, not you, Y/N. We seriously don’t need to talk about this further. The files, by lunch tomorrow. Understand?”

Y/n looked away.

“Hey Taeyong,” said Taeil who had returned with a cup of coffee. “How about I work with Y/N on this? I’ll speak to my guys undercover at the targets headquarters to see if they can physically extract the info.”

Taeyong’s face softened as he turned to Taeil.

“Your guys can do it?”

“Yuta is in the field...”

“Yuta’s drinking and coke problem has gotten worse,” Y/N scoffed. “I saw him at the club last week.”

“We’re looking for a solution here not bitching at every idea,” Taeyong snapped. He turned to Taeil. “Let’s do that. Work with Y/N.”

Y/N grinned as Taeil smiled affectionately at her like she was his baby sister. Never mind she was 2 months older than he was.

“Let’s do it!” She said.

He found her on the roof in the next evening. He knew she’d be there.

“Hey,” he said softly as they leaned against the railing looking up at the stars in the sky. “So how’s operation Rainbow coming along?”

“Yuta managed to sneak into the CEO’s office and extract the data from his computer. It’s in Taeyong’s inbox now.”

“Everything?”

“Yeah. All the amounts and bank transfers. And emails. We also got info about who they’re canoodling with. Turns out this whole operation is larger than we thought. We’re talking multimillions, maybe billions here. It’s really a drug ring disguised as a family business selling school uniforms for kids.”

“You just made it sound like a movie.”

“Yeah mark, with a coke snorting, booze guzzling anti hero. His head is going to be so big.” She gestured animatedly

Mark laughed as Y/N grinned.

Silence.

“You ok?” He asked, wondering if she was going to mention hacking at 14. “Taeyong has been tough.”

“Taeyong’s an idiot. I’ve been hacking since I was 14! What does he know about tech stuff?” She huffed, eyes growing huge as he chuckled.

“What?”

“I knew you’d say that.” He giggled.

She smiled, then grew serious.

“We’ve worked on this for two years. Imagine all that going to waste just cos he insisted we hack the servers.”

Mark sighed. “You know that’s just Taeyong, dude.”

“I miss going on operations.”

“I’m sure they’ll let you go back soon.”

“Not anytime soon. I’m training Kun and Lucas.”

“Lucas?” He said teasingly. “Must be fun.”

“Don’t.. I don’t want to talk about it.”

“That bad huh?”

“I wonder if he’s even computer literate.”

Her phone beeped.

“It’s Taeyong.” She rolled her eyes. “I gotta go. He wants to see me in the study.”

She opened the door to the study. he was looking at some paperwork at his desk.

“You wanted to see me?” She asked plopping herself down on the chair opposite him. He looked up.

“Good work on getting the info we need. They’re sending in a squad in the next few days for a raid after everything has been analysed.”

“Taeil and I work well together.” She said. He agreed.

He put his pen down.

“I’m going to be honest with you. I’m not a fan of you disrupting our operations. Because you refused to extract the data I had to look for alternatives which could have delayed us. We’re lucky Taeil could help.”

She froze. Not again, she thought. She bit her lip. This was a losing battle.

“In future if I tell you to do something just do it. Do you understand?” He asked looking straight at her.

Silence.

“Yes. Is that all?” She asked standing up.

He nodded.

She left without saying anything else.

[gothamslittlejester]

SFW Alphabet with Phoenix!Joker and Ledger!Joker

Hello, I am not dead. I’m really sorry I haven’t posted in forever, so here’s a pretty long piece for both the clownbois to make up for it for you guys (hopefully,, aghhh). I hope my joker license has not been revoked lol, forgive me lovelies.

The characters will be written separately, but feel free to imagine them together if you wish! I just thought writing them both at once made for an interesting comparison. Phoenix!Joker will be referred to as Arthur, and Ledger!Joker as J. I didn’t do all the alphabet letters because some were repetitive, so here’s the ones I thought would make good headcannons!

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Phoenix!Joker

· Out of the two, Arthur is considerably more affectionate. Being so deprived of love for so long, he doesn’t hesitate to absolutely smother you in affection 24/7, whether that be through kisses, long hugs and warm smiles, or more subtle actions like helping you clean around the house or washing your hair in the bath. He may be a killer clown, but he can’t help dotting on you every time you’re together.

· He also praises you any chance he gets, cooing in your ears how amazing you are and how much you mean to him. He wants you to feel loved in every way possible, both verbally and physically.

· His favorite way of showing affection is making you laugh or cheering you up whenever you’re down. Bad jokes? Cute magic tricks? Running your boss over with a truck? He knows the blues can come and go as they please and they can really affect your whole mood, so he makes sure to always bring some happiness in your life.

Ledger!Joker

· J shows his affection in much more subtle ways, although with time you find yourself picking up on them effortlessly. He may not always vocalize his affection, but there’s no denying his adoration for you.

· He’s very playful with you; tickle fights, wrestling matches, pinching your ass and ruffling your hair are all things you grow accustomed to, and they never fail to make you laugh. If you blush or squeak in response to his antics, J will think it’s the cutest and funniest thing in the world. He’ll only be more encouraged to get that response out of you next time, so good luck to you.

· At night, his displays of affection shift from playful to more protective and domineering. If he’s feeling suddenly possessive of you, he envelops you in a protective hug and pulls you into his chest. His side of the bed will always the one closest to the door in case of trouble.

· His affection is very physical, and will often be shown through actions. He’ll take care of any inconvenience you have- someone bother you, sweetheart? You never see them again.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Phoenix!Joker

· Arthur will always be there for you, listening to you vent for hours, helping you with any little chore or problem you have and just chilling with you by the television for hours. He’s never had someone to confide in and care for him, and every understanding look and encouraging smile you give him is stored in a special place in his heart.

· Not only is he a great listener for you too, but his advice is never halfhearted. If you have a problem, or something you’re uncertain about, he’ll do his best to help you sort it out until you’re confident again. He’ll be there for you no matter what, because you’ll be there for him too.

Ledger!Joker

· Now, Having J as a friend is extremely chaotic and often leads to him dragging you away to join him on some illegal adventure at 3 in the morning. Are you gonna go rob a bank or go scare the elderly? Who knows, who cares! Just get dressed and join him!

· Philosophical conversations with J are incredible. He never dismisses your ideas or thoughts of the world, encouraging you to always speak your mind, filter free. There’s no need to hide from him, ever.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Phoenix!Joker

·  When he cuddles you, Arthur feels like all his problems just melt away, and therefor will not let go of your body for hours. It’s therapeutic and heals his soul in a way that his medication never could.

· His little secret is that he loves it when he’s the little spoon, or just generally being cradled by you. Lying on top of your chest just to hear your heartbeat? Absolute heaven.

·  His favorite thing to do is to rub his nose in the crook of your neck and take a big breath, relishing in your scent. It makes him feel so safe and loved he could cry, and during bad days he probably has. Even after he turned into Joker, it would take a bulldozer to rip his grabby hands away from your warm body. Due to how frail and cold his body is, he’s not the epitome of a teddy bear, but the amount of love and comfort that radiate off of him is enough to make for that. It’s nothing a warm blanket can’t fix, and his kisses are the warmest all year round.

Ledger!Joker

· Now, J would never admit it, but he’s just as big of a cuddler as Arthur. I know, I know, controversial! But there is no way you can convince me that this man isn’t an attention seeking, touch starved, hug deprived needy little asshole. Having you wrap your arms around him in the middle of the night, melting into his body with a satisfied sigh, is cocaine to him. Feeling you playfully jump on his back and embrace him from behind makes J want to blow up the city for you. He’ll do it too, don’t tempt him.

· Only difference is, he much more prefers it when you initiate it- seeing you all needy and pouty for him just makes him so giddy. What’s that Y/N? You’re desperate for him? Well, I guess he can hold you in his arms, since he’s so generous...

· Of course, he’s not shy either, and will get his way if need be. If you sit more than 2 inches away from him on the couch you’re instantly pulled onto his lap, and don’t even think about falling asleep without being buried in his side. He wants to feel loved, dammit!

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Phoenix!Joker

· Arthur’s kisses are soft and dotting, always gentle and loving. He often moans into the kiss and pulls you closer, never getting enough of you. They can be desperate and needy after a long day away from you, but they are generally very sweet and slow.

· He likes to press kisses all over your face and cheeks, liking the way you giggle as he peppers them all over you. He really cant get enough of you, and just the knowledge that he has someone in his life that enjoys being intimate with him leaves Arthur completely awed.

· He’ll take any sort of kiss from you without complaint, but his favorite is when you’re holding him from behind, either in bed or in the bath, and press a gentle one to his back. It makes him feel loved and safe, which he hadn’t felt in a long time.

Ledger!Joker

· When J kisses you, he truly does steal your breath away. All his passion, obsession and need for you are conveyed effortlessly with the way he moves against your mouth and wraps his arms around your body in a protective manner.

· Although oftentimes rough and sensual, his kisses can also be very teasing and playful. He’ll kiss your hand in a romantic manner just to see you blush and shake your head, or leave little hickeys down neck that he likes to kiss again later. He’s also not opposed to licking you, so watch out for that.

· He’ll never admit it, but he loves it when you lean up to kiss his cheek. It’s such a sweet and gentle action, something he’s not accustomed to whatsoever, and it leaves him feeling very warm and protective inside. Especially when your lips brush against his scars- knowing you love them and want to show them affection makes J want to kill for you.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Phoenix!Joker

·Arthur loves being there for children, especially the less fortunate ones. Despite how crazy and ruthless Joker can be, he would never even dream of laying a hand on a child.

· There are times when he remembers the joy that his old persona “Carnival” could bring to the sad young faces of all those kids, and it’s enough to make him grimace and reminisce on what he lost.

· He’d never expect to start a family with you while he’s out being criminal menace as a full time job, but there are times where he allows his imagination to run wild, picturing a world with a better life for the both of you, his children playing in the garden while you grow old together.

Ledger!Joker

· J... J is a bully. He doesn’t have the patience whatsoever to deal with children at all, and overall just finds their incessant questions mind-numbing. They’re not even good questions- questions that provoke a philosophical debate or reconsideration of our purpose in the universe for example- just dumb ones that can be googled in a second. Why is the sky blue? Give him a break.

· Now, He wouldn’t go out of his way to single out a child and brutally kill them- he wants his victims to fully understand their doom, and kids don’t have that level of comprehension yet- but if one of those smug little shits happened to be carrying around a balloon, ho ho! It’s getting popped on sight. You know that saying “steeling lollipops from babies?” Yeah, that’s J.

· May not be a big fan of kids, but if you ever need a top quality dead baby joke, he’s your guy!

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Phoenix!Joker

· Having had so many jobs in his life, Arthur has adapted to waking up in the early morning with ease.

· If he has to go somewhere, he’ll quietly tiptoe around the apartment as he gets ready, careful not wake you up as he gets dressed in his red suit and applies his makeup. He’ll place a gentle kiss to your temple just before he has to leave, staring adoringly at your peaceful face for a few minutes.

· If he has nothing planned, Arthur will just lay in bed until you wake up naturally, enjoying the feeling on your arm body pressed against him.

Ledger!Joker

· J is a drama queen. Being mostly nocturnal, J doesn’t even get out of his REM sleep cycle until like 3 pm at the earliest.

· On those days where he gets woken up at, god forbid, 9 am, he’ll be so groggy and grumpy that not even coffee can save him.

· Alarm wakes him up? That’s now enemy number one. Someone outside being loud? If he had the energy, they’d be dead. And don’t think you’re getting out of bed without him either. He’ll pull you back and wrap all his limbs around you like a snake, snuggling into you so you can’t leave.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

Phoenix!Joker

· Arthur only really gets angry when someone attacks him or tries to make him feel worthless. As Joker, he’s definitely gained quite a bit of confidence, and will start a fight with strangers for the smallest of reasons, but they rarely actually make him angry.

· His patience in general is actually quite remarkable. Most of his schemes and plots take quite a while to plan out, and although he does rely on luck here and there, he puts in quite a few hours at a time to flesh out the details.

· He’ll wait as long as he needs to get what he wants. For example, it’s not like he shy’s away from stalking people, and that takes quite a bit of resilience and patience.

Ledger!Joker

· J is... an emotional man. An open book. He almost never gets angry at you- unless you do something stupid like put yourself in harms way- but everyone else? All it takes is very trivial inconveniences to get him riled up and ready to murder some poor soul on sight.

·  He’ll be patient for a while if he needs to work on some elaborately villainous scheme, but after a few days of obsessing over the schematics he’ll start to get antsy and bored. He’s a man of action, who has the time for all this planning?

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Phoenix!Joker

· Arthur would do his very best to make dates and anniversaries special. Dinner from your favorite restaurant, long walks by the place you first met, movie nights under a warm fort with intermediate pillow fights; Arthur will always find something that will put a smile on your face.

· He may not have that much money to begin with, but after adapting into his joker persona, a little bit of petty theft is nothing too unacceptable. Especially since he can use the extra cash to treat his lover to the most lavish things.

Ledger!Joker

· J would absolutely spoil you. Unfortunately due to his “job”, he has to leave you for hours or even days at a time to do his business, and he knows you tend to feel lonely in those times. So for him, date night is about you. And he’ll be damned if you don’t get the best present, meal and clown in Gotham all to yourself.

·  You want your favorite snack? He’ll get you a bucket-full.

· You want that new dress you saw at the mall, but can’t afford it? Neither can he! Join him for some late-night theft and he’ll grab the garment just for you.

· You want to spend the whole night tucked away in his arms as he cuddles you for hours? “Come to daddy~”

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Phoenix!Joker

· Arthur sometimes forgets to eat, a habit that scares you. You don’t mean to nag, but you just can’t help it when you see how thin and weak Arthur becomes after barely eating anything.

· You know he doesn’t do it on purpose, and you never hold it against him, but it does scare you when you see how weak and exhausted he gets. You make sure to always fill the cabinets with snacks and get him to eat dinner whenever he’s home, but who knows if he eats while he’s out causing panic in Gotham.

· The smoking is also a bit of an issue, but you’d rather make sure your clown is well fed before you tackle this other issue.

Ledger!Joker

· J’s teeth can be... very much a turnoff sometimes. Stained to hell with a coffee addiction and lack of hygiene, it made kissing him an experience at first.

· He soon began trying to make himself more dapper and charming just for his little one (yes you) once his need for you grew, but sometimes he just forgets. He knew his hygiene wasn’t his best quality, and he often smelled like dried blood and gasoline, so he makes sure to take a shower when he can. Plus, he figured quite quickly that you like the smell of his cologne…

· You can’t be too mad though, not with a smile so bright and yellow it matches the sun!

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Phoenix!Joker

· For Arthur, yes. When you finally admitted your feelings for him, he knew you were the first and last person who will ever give his life meaning. He would rip out his lungs if you asked- just if it meant seeing you another day.

· Leaving him would break his soul and put him in such a dark, black space that not even Joker’s red suit would have color there.

· It’s not the healthiest, and he doesn’t want to scare you away, but his obsession and need for you will never die down. He loves you, and you really do make him whole.

Ledger!Joker

· For J, his feelings aren’t that far off from Arthur’s. As his obsession with you grows, so does his adoration and glee. Everyday he finds new quirks and traits of yours that he likes, and everyday he begins to expect them, to crave them, to need them.

· He’ll find out what you like to do, what your favorite things are, what makes you truly and utterly happy, and he’ll store them in his memory to spoil you later.

· J’s love is absolutely obsessive and possessive, like a child with a doll he refuses to share even for a second, but that’s all he knows. He’ll never hurt you or lay his hands on you, but his love is nothing short of mad.

·  Leaving him is not an option. Ever. He’ll do anything to ensure that you stay right in his line of sight, and putting you in a pretty glass cage is not beyond him. You make him happy, and whole- you complete him- so why would he ever throw that away?

[dashnthebookhouseboys]

Cocaine Bear

It was recently announced that Elizabeth Banks was making a movie called Cocaine Bear based on the true story of a 175lb bear that consumed 40 containers of cocaine. I'd never heard of this so of course I had to read everything I could about this hero bear and share it with you.

The story starts with Andrew Thornton II, a former narcotics-officer-turned-drug-kingpin who had been flying a drug route from Colombia and had dropped off 40 plastic containers full of cocaine in Chattahoochee National Forest. Unfortunately for Thornton, he became tangled up in his parachute and fell to his death in Knoxville, Tennessee. police traced his route back through the forest, they expected to find a cache of drugs worth $15 million (£11 million).

Instead, they found 40 now empty cocaine containers and one very dead black bear .The unlucky bear had suffered possibly the worst overdose in drugs history. The medical examiner that oversaw the bears autopsy is reported to have said “Its stomach was literally packed to the brim with cocaine. There isn’t a mammal on the planet that could survive that. Cerebral hemorrhaging, respiratory failure, hyperthermia, renal failure, heart failure, stroke. You name it, that bear had it,”

That's not the end of the story for the Cocaine Bear, affectionately called Pablo Escobear by Kentucky locals who adopted him as a tourist attraction/mascot. the aforementioned medical examiner for the Georgia Bureau of Investigation opted to gift the body to an unnamed friend who was a taxidermist on the side. This friend had the bear stuffed and then gave it away to the Chattahoochee River National Recreation Area, who put it on display in their visitor centre.

A forest fire in the early 1990s prompted staff to temporarily relocate Cocaine Bear to a storage facility in Dalton for his own safety. However, after only a month in storage, he was stolen by an unknown thief who then sold him to a pawnshop. The pawnshop owner then sold the bear to country musician Waylon Jennings, who in turn gave it to a friend of his Ron Thompson who possessed the Cocaine Bear until his death, when it was sold at auction to an elderly Chinese man for $200. This man, Zhu T’ang, then put the bear on display in his traditional Chinese medicine shop.

Eventually a group called Kentucky for Kentucky tracked down Cocaine Bear and currently display his taxidermied remains in the Kentucky Fun Mall in North Lexington with a sign detailing the storied history of Cocaine Bear and the stark warning "Don’t do drugs or you’ll end up dead (and maybe stuffed) like poor Cocaine Bear"

[xxgoblin-dumplingxx]

Sick Little Games: Thirty- Six

Clint couldn’t sit still. He tried. But, he just couldn’t. He felt like he’d been slipped cocaine or something. He was hyper-aware of details, and he was desperate to make sure every little detail was perfect. Even though he knew Pepper had had everything well at hand. He just couldn’t stop.

“Barton,” Natasha scolded, “Breathe.”

“It feels like my heart’s gonna beat out of my chest,” Clint said, “I gotta keep going, or I’ll die.”

Natasha rolled her eyes and sighed, “Breathe,” she repeated. “Y/N is fine, I promise.”

“You have the rings, right?” he asked.

“Right,” she answered, handing him a beer that he took with a grateful smile. He didn’t know why he was so fucking nervous. When you’d kissed him good morning before slipping out of bed for your day of pampering before the wedding, nothing had changed. “You’re not getting cold feet, are you?” she asked, opening her own beer.

“No,” Clint said, smiling. He wanted you, probably more than he had ever thought possible. He wanted the future he could see in his head with a handful of kids and his pretty girl to bring him coffee and steal his t-shirts forever. 

Natasha felt her heart melt. Clint looked happy. The kind of contented warmth that radiated out of him made tears sting at the back of her eyes, and the wedding wasn’t even happening yet. She stood on her toes to kiss his cheek, and he kissed the top of her head, “Thank you, Tasha,” he said softly.

“For what?” she asked, hugging him.

“For making sure I got this far.”

The spy smiled and reached up to card her fingers through his hair affectionately, “You’re a catch,” she said, “I just didn’t count on your idea girl being a literal witch, or I would have pushed you together faster.”

“Nah,” he said, “There’s really only one thing I’d change.”

Nat smiled sadly and nodded. Clint didn’t need to say what it was. She knew it was Bucky. What he’d done to you. What he put you through.

“Well,” Nat said, “He’s not gonna be here today. Steve made sure of it.”

“I know,” he said, glancing out towards the clearing in the middle of all the cabins where Sam and Steve were building a bonfire. “And I appreciate it.”

“I know,” Nat answered, squeezing his hand.

____________

Bucky stared out at the ocean, arms folded. He desperately wished he could get drunk. He wanted to be drunk, so he didn’t have to think about Clint kissing you as you stood there in a white dress. He didn’t want to think about your wedding night and Clint’s name on your lips where he had been once. And he definitely didn’t want to consider what it would be like when you started popping out his kids. He didn’t want to think about that one bit. But he couldn’t help it. 

Those images hung in his brain, springing to the forefront no matter what he did. They lurked around every corner. And it hurt. It seared through his chest in the worst way. 

But he didn’t love you.

The longing he felt in his chest had fuck all to do with love. He knew it. There was no way he loved you. He just didn’t want someone else playing with his toy. Even if his toy had tried to kill him.

He wished he could be drunk. 

Or high.

Or that he could sleep.

Because thinking about Clint being the one to put a baby in you was just too much to bear. And he couldn’t take the thought that he hadn’t been good enough.

____________

Tony looped his arm through yours and kissed your cheek, “You’re sure you wanna do this?” he teased. 

“Yeah,” you answer, smiling a little.

“And you’re not rushing things because you’re pregnant, right?” he murmured.

“Absolutely not,” you snort. 

“Good. I’d hate to have to punch Barton in the mouth before I let him have you,” he murmured, putting his hand on top of yours in the crook of his elbow. He’s afraid to say much more. It is kinda like giving his kid away, and it makes his heart soar even as it aches. 

He remembers the scruffy 18-year- old that stuck to the shadows, a mouse running from giants and trying not to be stepped on. His little mouse that went toe to toe with a god and held her own. An act of desperation to buy them some time. One that got no news coverage and was hardly even mentioned in reports from that day. But one Tony remembered. So clearly that even now, his heart would drop a fraction thinking of it. 

When the music plays, Clint turns, a look on his face like you’re the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. He can’t breathe, and his knees are jello. You’re thankful Tony has a hold of your arm because you aren’t sure you could walk if you didn’t have him leading your forward. Even in some tan slacks and a blue shirt, converse on his feet and his hair already a mess, somehow, he’s the most perfect man you’ve ever seen, and when he smiles at you shyly as Tony puts your hands together, nothing else matters. You can hardly pay attention to the words Thor is having you repeat. All you know is that the warm, calloused hand in yours was the one you wanted to hold on to for the rest of your life, and when Clint pulled you closer to dip you back dramatically and claim your lips in a kiss that made your head swim, you didn’t know anything else. 

“You’re mine now,” he teases, kissing your nose as he set you back on your feet and held you for a second.

“You’re stuck with me,” you agree, snuggling into his side as he took you back through the group of your assembled friends.

The reception, as the sun sets and the bonfire is lit, is exactly what you needed. It was chilled out, and you were just happy to be with the people you wanted to be with. Basking in Clint’s attention and plying him with kisses and champagne. At least until his hands start wandering a little too much to be decent in Public, and he throws you over his shoulder to take you to bed. 

_______

In the dark of your cabin, removed from everyone else so that you could get rowdy if you wanted to. But rowdy would require either of you to come up for air. Clothes were stripped off with deft, eager hands, and Clint tossed you gently, playfully on the bed. 

There wasn’t any stopping him. He couldn’t stop. And he knew from the feel of you that you didn’t want him to. Giggling as his stubbled jaw rasped the tender skin on the inside of your thigh, you card your fingers through his hair, “Wait,” you pout, “I’m not done kissing you.”

“I’m not going to stop kissing you,” he rumbled, pressing a soft kiss against your mound, “I’m just gonna kiss you somewhere else. Until I get tired of hearing you come.”

“Clint-” you whine. You don’t want that. You want him inside you now. You’d not made love since the night before your court date. 

“Patience,” he scolded, settling in more firmly and squeezing your thighs to make you whimper. He grins and gently parts your folds, “We’ve got all the time in the world, baby,” he murmurs, bending his head to lick lightly at your clit. “And I,” he hummed, “have been waiting for a taste of my cupcake all day.”

After that, he gives you no quarter, and you scarcely have time to do more than whimper his name as you come apart again and again. 

“Clint!” you cry softly, making him stop and smile up at you. Smirking as he took in the sight. His wife, sweating and trembling on the bed. Panting and grasping the bedding in her hands. Perfection, in his mind.

“What do you need, baby,” he hummed, kissing up your body tenderly, savoring the warmth and the salt of your skin. 

“You,” you answer, panting and pulling him down to kiss him hungrily. 

“Yeah?” he chuckled when you came up for air. “Are you sure?” he asked, teasing the head of his prick at your entrance. 

“Yeah,” you answer, “Please?”

“That sounds so pretty coming from you,” he praised, “You’re gonna take everything I have for you, aren’t you.” He kisses you gently and shivers at the contented little sound you make when he slides inside you.

“Everything,” you answer, wrapping your legs around his waist to pull him closer. You wanted him. The feel of his body against yours and the warmth of him pinning you to the bed. The sweet, hungry kisses as he fucked into you.

“Don’t stop,” you pant, leaning up to kiss him again. 

“I need the practice,” he murmurs, smiling.

“You do,” you answer, nipping his lip, “Does that mean your baby fever is acting up again?”

“So fucking bad,” he groaned, “Wanna put a baby in you. Wanna be a dad.”

You giggle and his hips stutter for just a second as he realizes how close he is and tries to slow himself down, “But,” he pants, “I’m not worried about that tonight. I just wanna fuck my wife.” He stops and smiles. He likes the sound of that. His wife. His Witchling. It feels good and for the first time in his life, he has a person that belongs to him. And when you flip him on the bed, trapping his wrists in your hands leaning down to kiss him he sighs.

“I love you,” you tell him as you lean back up. 

“I love you too,” he answers, kneading your hips in his hands.

[cherrytruthbombs]

Valley Boys

Finance bros, tech bros, are all the same. They have no idea what’s happening with the outside world, truly, maybe because their brains and addled with cocaine and deep-rooted confidence issues.

( https://www.washingtonpost.com/technology/2020/01/09/silicon-valley-some-men-say-cosmetic-procedures-are-essential-career/ )

When I was an intern at a largely circulated digital publication, a 30 year old finance reporter had confessed that he was shocked to see yakult (the yogurt) stocks suddenly uptick. Of course, his niece had explained to him that the Netflix release of ‘To all the boys I’ve loved before’ was the culprit. (https://www.insider.com/to-all-the-boys-ive-loved-before-yogurt-drink-yakult-2018-9)

I would say in my experience, people associated with finance or tech oddly seem to be out of touch with modern culture. In fact, they seem to make up their own little insular world where ideas that seem ludacris to the everyday consumer gains millions in funding. I call this collective, affectionately, Valley Boys. Implying in sorts that they resemble the unawares blondes that formerly decried the nickname of valley girls. When I covered finance, CEOs who ran science based companies could not actually tell me how the science of their product worked, which explains why cases like Theranos, run by a pretty woman, were able to deceive so many fancy financiers. In the years of watching activity in the finance world, I’ve definitely picked up on a few sagas that I think are too entertaining and too exemplifying of the Valley Boy culture.

First off is the famous ‘young blood’ conspiracy. Now bear in mind there are aging studies that look into specific compounds in blood of young animals that restores functions in old ones. But simply infusing a liter of the blood of the young for a pretty price of $8,000 seems like rich vampire supervillainy to me. (https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2019-02-25/the-bloody-tale-of-ambrosia-the-startup-that-wants-to-slow-aging)

I don’t even want to get into the mess that is freezing your brain and using it to reanimate a dead body down the line (https://www.reuters.com/article/us-russia-cryonics/brain-freeze-russian-firm-offers-path-to-immortality-for-a-fee-idUSKBN1ZD1FN)

More interesting is the cryptocurrency saga that has rocked the finance world. Now I’m not ashamed to say that to this day I still don’t really understand what cryptocurrency and bitcoins are. In theory I’m aware of how they conceptually function, but like many CEOs who started CRISPR companies when they’re really like ‘CRISPR? I barely even know her!’ I’m the same with blockchain. Yet the culture around cryptocurrency is so absurd that it’s like a car crash I can’t look away from. Follow along with me on this wild tale. A 30 year old founder of a cryptocurrency trading company died. When he died there was about over $180 million in crytocurrency in the account, and he was the one who had all the passwords. So what is the reasonable thing to do when you have money tied up now in an inaccessible account? You band together and asked for the body of this exec to be exhumed so you can make sure that he is actually dead and didn’t make off with your imaginary currency, duh. Truly, you simply can’t make up this kind of story folks.

(https://www.nytimes.com/2019/12/17/business/gerald-cotten-death-cryptocurrency.html?smid=nytcore-ios-share)

Stay tuned, my next edition might feature a fun quiz that asks you to identify that quote! Who said it? CEO or supervillain. (Funny because finance bros are actually more likely to have Machiavellian traits!) That’s all for now!

(https://www.theguardian.com/education/2012/mar/12/improbable-research-machiavellian-stockbrokers-car-sales)

All in all, I think Atlantic writer Amanda Mull encapsulated the miasma around tech and finance culture the best. “Tech companies, like many for-profit enterprises, aren’t necessarily incentivized to ensure that what they sell is used correctly, or that correct use provides any particular material benefit. They simply need to make a compelling argument to people who can pay, which means identifying and capitalizing on the anxieties of the affluent.” Be it may that her articles were talking about weight, and these are talking about fear of death (or undeadness), the sentiment remains the same. 

https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2020/01/why-do-people-still-love-consumer-tech/604909/

[pyropsychiccollector]

What-If #01, Scene #04

Premise: Zeref and Natsu aren’t born 400 years prior to the series; instead, they’re born in X763 and X766 respectively, and their family eventually settles around the area of Isvan. Circumstances make the brothers orphans, but Ur Milkovich takes them in, and so Ultear gains siblings… and becomes the middle child. Lovely.

Scene’s Point in Time: X778

~*~

Natsu: I don't like blondie glaring at you all the time. Why don't you do anything about him, niisan? -_-

Zeref: *rolls his eyes lightly* He's not glaring, Natsu. He's sizing me up, but there's no animosity between us.

Natsu: Why don'tcha just take him as your rival? Ultear's got Erza and that new girl... whatshername? Lyra? Cocaine?

Zeref: O__O ... N-No, Natsu. Mirajane. But she goes by 'Mira' for short. **How in the WORLD did he get... Thank goodness Ultear didn't hear that...**

Natsu: Ohhh! But yeah. Ultear's got those two, and I whoop Ice Prick every day, so why don't you just take a rival already? Those S-Class Trials are comin' up, y'know.

Zeref: *wry smile* Well, I just don't need a rival to make me strive to do better, Natsu. I have you two for that.

Natsu: *fixes Zeref with a serious look* We're not in Isvan, niisan. I promise we're okay here. Isn't Gildarts always tellin' you that?

Zeref: *tilts his head slightly at his brother* ... I suppose that's true. Even so, I can't help worrying, after I promised to keep you both safe. *taps his index fingers in contemplation as he leans back in his chair* ... Tell you what. If I create two more Guardians for you and Ultear, and you two promise to keep them by your sides, I will not pass up the S-Class Trials if I get nominated.

Natsu: O__O You mean it?! *pumps his fist as he gets a nod, but then blinks as a thought occurs to him* ... Wait. I thought you didn't wanna make any more of these guys?

Zeref: *faint smile* It's true I'm hesitant to repeat the process, but Mard Geer has yet to harm any of us, right? If I recall, he even helped you to improve your reading.

Natsu: -_- Yeah, but he threw a ton of complicated words at me. Not even Ul knew how to pronounce 'em all. And he was a slave driver...

Zeref: *ruffles Natsu's spiky locks* I'm afraid I can't do anything about Mard Geer, so why don't I let you choose which of the two new ones you want for your Guardian?

Natsu: . . . Sure, okay! :D

~*~

*next day, at the Guild...*

Ultear: *runs a hand down her face* I can't believe you... YOU... *jabs a finger at Zeref's chest* made... HER... *gestures exasperatedly at the woman standing next to Natsu; she's getting perverted looks from all over, and she doesn't look the least bit embarrassed...*

Zeref: o___o I... I really didn't think she'd come out looking like this... Th-This is bad.....

Ultear: *gobsmacked face* NO! Really?! -_- I swear... You can be so smart, and then you go and do dumb-dumb things like THIS... *massages temple* I have to remember you're fifteen, so of course your hormones start acting up now... I just can't believe even YOU can be perverted...

Zeref: ............

Makarov: *long trail of blood coming out of his nose* I was going to consider punishing Zeref for creating another one.... But I think I'll let this one slide. Dropping a fully matured (albeit artificial) woman into our laps like this... ZEREF, I COULD KISS YOOOUUU!

Erza: *blushing fiercely* S-So indecent! *unknowingly growling at the ample cleavage that is hanging out in the open and being perved on... But it's not even that has Erza so worked up, as she protectively eyes the Dragon Slayer next to the woman*

Mira: *smug grin* Feeling inadequate, Tincan?

Erza: *scowl* I don't see you doing much better in that department, midriff-bearing harlot.

Mira: *scowls back and glares down at her own moderate chest; she's doing just fine for a lass of thirteen, thank you very much!*

Natsu: Hehe! I win the staring contest, Popsicle!

Gray: *completely flustered* Oh, that was SO not fair! Who said you could call on others for help?!

Natsu: There wasn't a rule against it, either! You're just jealous of my ingenuity!

Gray: O___O

Natsu: ... What? -_-

Gray: You said a word more than three syllables long... and you used it correctly...

Natsu: -_-* SHADDUP!

Sayla: Do you need anything, Natsu-sama...?

Erza, Mira, and Ultear: ...!!!

Zeref: *holds his head in his hands as his sister makes strangling motions at him; maybe it wasn't such a good idea to have a 'keep Natsu happy' mindset as he created Sayla...?*

Natsu: Hmm... You mind if I sit on your lap? You're really soft, Sayla-neechan.

Sayla: *smiles serenely* Of course, Natsu-sama. *as she sits down at a random table, Natsu plops himself into her lap and leans back into her ample cleavage; she strokes his head affectionately*

Erza: *glowing red eyes and imposing aura*

Mira: *cracking knuckles as she also has an imposing aura surrounding her*

Ultear: ZEREFFF!

Makarov, Macao, and Wakaba: *staring at Natsu with a mixture of envy and respect*

Gray: The heck... The girl has horns! How is she your neechan?

Natsu: SHADDUP, POPSICLE!

Cana: -_- I just got here. What's with the new chick?

Lisanna: I assume you're talking about the man-stealer... *goes into adorably angry Chibi rant*

Elfman: 0__0 Natsu's a Real Man.

Lisanna: Yes he is, and he does not need big-chested bimbos molesting him.

Elfman: ... Imouto-chan?

Cana: *sigh* Don't mind her. You know she's got a thing for the little Pyro.

Lisanna: Ultear, Erza, Mira, that big-chested bimbo, and you! *points agitatedly at Cana* Why must I be surrounded by usurpers?! I only just started planning our honeymoon!

Elfman: ... This seems like more than a little crush...

Cana: Eh. She fits in. More importantly, I don't like the Pyro like that... And I don't think Ultear or Mira does, either.

Elfman: o__o Sooo... Erza does, then?

Cana: ....... I dunno. Ultear sure doesn't like him being taken onto Erza's team, officially or no. I don't think we're old enough for those types of arguments yet, anyway. Maybe in a few years...

Lisanna: LIES! You're all out to steal my sweet, sweet Natsu! T_T

Cana: *sigh* .........

~*~

Natsu: I think I'll take... this one! Look at all those zeroes! I could buy a lotta food! *drool*

Erza: Hmm. Let me see that. *swipes the flier from him and scrutinizes it* This job is far too hard to be the first one you tackle on your own! If you must take it, I will come with you!

Natsu: >_> I've got Sayla-neechan if something comes up! Don't baby me, Erza!

Ultear: Besides, if Natsu is anyone's responsibility, he's mine! He's my little otouto. *shamelessly pulls Natsu in for an embarrassing hug*

Natsu: Neesannn!

Erza: It's quite alright, Ultear, I insist he will be okay in my capable hands! Doesn't need his flatboard of a sister to coddle him. >_> *pulls Natsu her way, mirroring the embarrassing hug Ultear was forcing on Natsu*

Ultear: What did you just call me?! You're one to talk, ironing board! *glaring daggers at Erza before swiping Natsu back, once again possessively wrapping her arms around him*

Erza: >_>

*cycle continues on, while Natsu whines about being coddled by both of them*

Natsu: Besides, if I take either of you guys, you'll claim half the reward... It's mine.... *grumble grumble*

Mira: ^__^ Hey, kid. You lemme come along, and I'll let you take all the reward.

Natsu: >_> All of it.

Mira: *nod* All of it.

Natsu: ........ *waits until Erza makes another grab for him before abruptly pulling away from her grasp and glomping Mira, who's looking VERY smug*

Erza and Ultear: Say what?! *indignant squawks*

[brokenragdoll]

RULES. Repost, do not reblog ! Tag 10 ! Good luck !


Tagged by: stole it ;)


Tagging: @thesmileclown​ @droliverthredsonmd​ @fionagoode​ @butscrewmefirst​ @domestiiic​ @nctfree​ @iintravenovs​ @orphanis​ @seriouslytorres​ @diorbled​

BASICS.


FULL NAME : Sally McKenna.


NICKNAME/S : Hypodermic Sally
.

AGE : Frozen at 32
.

BIRTHDAY : December 8th 1961.


ETHNIC GROUP : Caucasian/ White. 


NATIONALITY : American
.

LANGUAGE/S : English, bits and pieces of French. 


SEXUAL ORIENTATION : Bisexual.


ROMANTIC ORIENTATION : Biromantic.

RELATIONSHIP STATUS : Verse dependent
.

CLASS : Lower.


HOME TOWN / AREA : New York, USA.


CURRENT HOME : Los Angeles, USA
.

PROFESSION : Ballerina, amateur drug dealer ( pre-hotel ) 

PHYSICAL.


HAIR : Dyed blonde, short and wild. She doesn't do much brushing. 


EYES : Dark brown, shining with tearful. 


NOSE : Medium, straight with a squishy tip. 


FACE : Oval shaped, prominent cheekbones and a big forehead
.

LIPS : Full. 


COMPLEXION : Pale.


BLEMISHES : Beauty mark on the left corner of her mouth.


SCARS : She has several marks all over her body, the only permanent scars however are track marks on both arms, scratches on both wrists from picking at her own skin, healed gashes on both sides after ripping herself off her dead friends' bodies.


TATTOOS : She has little stars tattooed on the back of her neck, a symbol on her foot and another one on her wrist. 


HEIGHT : 5'6


WEIGHT : 120 lbs


BUILD : Slender, slightly built. She used to be pretty fit, many years ago before heroin consumed her body and she quit dancing. You can see bones all over the place, both her collarbones and hipbones are pretty noticeable. 


FEATURES : She has an addictive personality, a tendency to become dependent on substances or people. Self-destructive, short-tempered and very sensitive. Impulsive, mouthy and pretty clever. Loyal to her partners but she knows how to bare a grudge. 


ALLERGIES : No
.

USUAL FACE LOOK : Resting bitch face.


USUAL CLOTHING : She goes from low-cut dresses to vintage turtle necks, there's no in between. Torn fishnets or tights and the infamous leopard-print coat. Vintage jewelry: massive rings, chokers and mismatched earrings. 

PSYCHOLOGY.


FEAR/S : Loneliness, abandonment, herself. 


ASPIRATION/S : Finding a soulmate, freeing herself from March's grip. Kind of verse dependent.


POSITIVE TRAITS : Smart, affectionate, open-minded, creative, faithful, determined, intuitive, romantic ( in her own way ), straightforward. 


NEGATIVE TRAITS : Can bear grudges, sarcastic, bitchy, careless, aggressive, fussy, compulsive, greedy, dishonest, impulsive, possessive, jealous, obsessive, stubborn, dirty. 


MBTI : ( ENTP-T ) Debater.


ZODIAC : Sagittarius.


TEMPERAMENT : Choleric
.

SOUL TYPE / S : Hunter
.

ANIMALS : Weasel
 ( read here )

VICE HABIT/S : Heroin, cocaine, cigarettes, alcohol.


FAITH : She stopped believing after death.

GHOSTS ? : Yes.


AFTERLIFE ? : Yes.

REINCARNATION ? : No. 


ALIENS ? : No.


POLITICAL ALIGNMENT : She doesn't give a shit tbh.


ECONOMIC PREFERENCE : Same.


SOCIOPOLITICAL POSITION : Same... again
.

EDUCATION LEVEL : High school. 

FAMILY.


FATHER : N/A


MOTHER : N/A


SIBLINGS : No


EXTENDED FAMILY : N/A


NAME MEANING/S : Princess.


HISTORICAL CONNECTION ? : Sally Rand, an exotic dancer. 

FAVOURITES.


BOOK : Jane Austen, Vladimir Nabokov, Edgar Allan Poe. 


MOVIE : She’ll watch anything.

DEITY : Zeus. King of Olympus and Lord of the Sky. 


MONTH : October.


SEASON : Autumn. 


PLACE : Los Angeles. 


WEATHER : Rainy/cloudy. 


SOUND : Silence, sex noises and pianos.


SCENT/S : Melting heroin, blood, roses. 


TASTE/S : Cigarettes, champagne, fine cheese, strawberries. 


FEEL/S : Breathless kisses, a man's hands squeezing her hips, burns and cuts of any kind, warmth. 


ANIMAL/S : Cats
.

NUMBER : 69
.

COLOUR : Dark shades of red and green, rusty pinks, black. 

EXTRA.


TALENTS : Making herself invisible, writing and composing, guitar playing, painting. She's pretty great in bed to be honest. 


BAD AT : Keeping her shit together, feeling empathy, cooking and sometimes socializing. 


TURN ONS : Eyes, big hands and deep voices. Long hair for women. She's not picky.  


HOBBIES : Watching the world go by, taking her time to think of a perfect kill ( when she's not in a rush ), reading pretty much anything she can find, annoying fellow residents at the Cortez. 


AESTHETIC TAGS : Dead flowers - smoke - needles - fur - claws - diamonds - lace - silk - rust - blood - feline - liquor - bruises - scars - thorns - petals - scratches - wings - knives - darkness - silver - glitter - candles - makeup - red - glass - tears - dolls - scratches - scissors - rotten 

FC INFO.


MAIN FC/S : Sarah Paulson.


ALT FC/S : Helena Bonham Carter as Marla Singer ( still thinking about it )


OLDER FC/S : No. 


YOUNGER FC/S : No.


VOICE CLAIM/S : No.


GENDERBENT FC/S : No.