#coffee - 6/10 (I’m fussy)

[01libra]

barefoot bakery, oxford

[boogiewrites]

Hindsight's Always 19/84 | Pt. 2

Single Dad Eddie x F! Reader AU. Old friends/lovers reunited.

A lot of Teddy this chapter. We get Eddie feeling protective and nostalgic. Slowly coming to terms with old feelings bubbling into current ones as you hold firm in your stance that you aren't going anywhere and demand to be a part of his life again.

Families were starting to trickle into the park your apartment looked over. The early noon light was filtering through your window, the grass outside losing its dew and turning into stains on the family's shoes. The sound outside was so minimal compared to your home in the city. The sounds of kids playing were much preferred to sirens and city static. A noisy sip of your coffee was the other sound interrupting the squeals. You spent your mornings in silence, taking your sweet time as coffee warmed you from the inside out. You sat in a sun ray like a cat soaking in the simple pleasure. The day was open to you, options endless and in your control. No other schedules to adhere to, no one else to answer to. Until the phone ringing interrupted your meditation.

“Hey. Sorry to bother you, but I might be calling a favor.” Eddie’s apologetic tone answered your brief greeting.

“No sorry needed, what’s up?”

“Wayne threw his back out. Again. And I’ve used up all the days I paid for with daycare already this month. Would you be able to watch Ted today?”

“Of course!” A welcome intrusion to your freedom presented itself.

“Are you sure? I’m springing this on you last minute and I’d need you to watch him til like… 6 or so? TIl after I get off work?”

“Eddie shut up. I already said yes. Call it a perk of being self-employed.” You explained, washing out your mug.

“Thank god. Thank you so much, man. I OWE you. Seriously.”

“No, you don’t. Do I need to come to get him?”

“Would you mind? I’ve got him at the shop right now.”

“I’ll be there in a few.”

“Thank you. Again. Don’t tell me to shut up I’m gonna keep saying it.”

“Bye Eddie.” You laughed into the receiver.

Teddy was being bounced on Eddie’s thigh as he spent the time filling out his ledger.

“Miss!” Teddy waved and Eddie’s laughing eyes looked up from his focus.

“Teddy!” You clapped your hands together and waved back enthusiastically. He stayed perched on his dad’s lap, feet swinging as he wiggled on the thick stained fabric of Eddie’s work coveralls. “You ready to have the best day ever with your new best friend?” you grinned down at him, holding up a hand for a high five that he stared at for a moment. “Or not, that’s cool too I’m not totally devastated by this or anything.” you shrugged and turned your attention to Eddie who was beaming up at you.

“You’re gonna hang out with daddy’s friend today. Remember? Unle Wayne got an owie and he’s gotta rest.”

“He went OH!” Teddy threw his head back and grabbed his back. The two adults in the situation tried not to laugh.

“He did. He did say that.” Eddie cleared his throat to kill the laugh at the animated child.

“Wayne gonna be okay? Do I need to go over there or anything?”

“Nah, he’d kill me if I let you do that.”

“I figured. I wanted to offer though.”

“Still a sweetheart.” Eddie gave you a softer smile before setting Teddy’s little sneakers onto the concrete. “You wanna grab your backpack?”

“Ye!” he pounded off a few feet away to a backseat-turned bench.

“He’s got some of his favorites, some snacks, toys, movies. Didn’t want to blindside you with no provisions.”

“Anything I need to know? Allergies? Triggers for full-on breakdowns? Forbidden foods?”

“He’ll tell you if a food’s forbidden. He’s super picky so just…” he sighs. “As long as you can get him to eat, let him have whatever he wants. Within reason. Don’t give him 10 pounds of candy or anything. You’ll regret that decision.”

“I don’t know a lot about kids but I do know that.” you nodded confidently.

“He likes to be read to, any hard music he’ll like. It’ll help calm him down if he gets fussy.” his kid runs back with his backpack flopped on his shoulders after a short struggle with it. “I usually don’t let him nap too long. Two hours max or he’ll be a live wire all night. Put on his fav movies and he’ll zone out for a bit.”

“Herd and tranq got it.” you gave him a thumbs up and rubbed your hands together. Eddie shook his head and shoved your shoulder. “You ready to head out and let daddy work?” you asked Teddy who was looking to his dad for guidance.

“Go on! You’re gonna have fun, promise. I’ll be over to get you before you know it.” he promised, kneeling down to get a big, only mildly pouty hug.

“Can I get one?” you ask, holding your arms out and waiting for him to approach.

“Kay.” he nodded shyly, a subtle smile full of trouble on his cherub face. You squatted and scooped him up and sat him on your hip.

“You’re gonna get me so ripped lifting you up, little man. This is gonna be great. You had breakfast? Do you want Mcdonald's? Or we can go to the store? I’ve got some errands to run, you wanna come with me? I might be persuaded to get you a toy if you’re good.”

“Kay!” a much brighter response at the prospect of junk food and toys.

“You’re gonna spoil him.” Eddie muttered, still smiling as he watched you bouncing his tiny clone on your hip.

“Of course I am. I’m going to give this little booger everything he wants and be his favorite person ever.”

“Glad to know your motive.” Eddie rolled his eyes jokingly and slapped the book closed in front of him. “You don’t have to do it today of course but-” he moved to unzip Teddy’s back and shove a small stack of ledgers inside. “I got the past few books from the office the other day and grabbed them when I picked him up this morning. No rush but, you wanted to look at the books.”

“I did. Thanks.” You said with no hint of sarcasm. “I get my own personal Teddy bear for the day AND books from daddy? Is it my birthday?” you asked Teddy who was giggling at your animated face and hands.

“It’s my birthday.” he declared.

“It is not!” Eddie laughed and pinched his tummy.

“I”m 16!” he giggled.

“You can count to 16? Holy crap! How do you fit a brain so big in that cute little noggin? Is it hiding under these curlies?” you asked and pretend to be a money and root around his hair which seemed to delight him as he squeaked. You assumed correctly he was a physical child since Eddie had always been a physical sort of guy. Oh no, you’d have to smooch and snuggle an adorable kid who happened to be the son of your big fat crush best friend. Eddie’s throat felt tight, a corner of his lips pulling back despite himself at the sight. He knew you were only being kind, friendly. You weren’t purposely trying to rip his heart from his chest to keep it for yourself. Despite how metal that sounded to him he pushed the thought away. “Say bye to daddy!” You instructed and waved, turning to leave. The sight of you both waving, two bright smiles his way as you jogged and bounced Teddy out of the garage much to his amusement. He’d never gotten the chance for someone to call him daddy. Well… not in that way. In a wholesome way. The way he felt it now. His tongue felt thick in his mouth as the thought that you calling him daddy in regard to his kid did more for him than hearing it in any other context. He stared in the direction you left for too long, distracted by the spiraling thought of what it meant for him to feel so strongly about the innocent sentiment.

“Didn’t know you were off the market.” a man’s voice snapped him out of his inner crisis as he rubbed his hand down his face, creating a blank slate before facing anyone.

“I’m not. She’s an old friend. Just moved back.” Eddie was far too dismissive, his body language completely turned away for his teasing coworkers to not notice.

“Old girlfriend?” the man smirked.

“No, actually.” Which was technically true. You never dated. Not officially. But anyone else who knew you two back then remembered you as being together. So whatever that meant.

“New girlfriend?” another guy chimed in with a laugh.

‘She’s watching Teddy today. That’s all.” Eddie loosened his stance and went to shove a rag into his back pocket to start the dirty work of the day.

“Twenty bucks there’s gonna be another little Ted runnin’ around here soon.” the older man laughed.

“I don’t like losing bets. How about twenty bucks and she’s the one calling him daddy?” they all laughed, Eddie blushing and angry about it as he tossed an empty soda can at his coworker.

“Fifty bucks it’s gonna be your wife calling me daddy if you don’t shut up.” Eddie shot back with a smirk.

“You know he’s a big hit with the MILF’s you better watch out.” the older man laughed at the expense of the now playfully frowning employee.

“We can’t all have job stoppers and a head of hair like Munson.” the target jobbed back referring to Eddie’s very visible tattoos on his hands and neck.

“It’s hard being god’s favorite.” Eddie ran his hand through his hair as the other men broke into laughter.

-

Your arms, as much as they wanted to hold that squishy doll to your chest and squeeze him, had turned to noodles and given up. You understood now why Eddie’s arms were so cut. But in the presence of his offspring, you refused to dwell on how good he looked in his mechanic outfit and how his arms flexed as he moved, covered in ink with the worn fray of cut sleeves tickling his broad shoulders. Nope. You were NOT thinking about that.

“So what are you into Ted?” you asked, leaning on the handle of the cart, and strolling down the toy aisle. “Superheros? Dinosaurs? Space? How about Disney?”

“Didney.” he mumbled and looked at the action figures.

“We thinkin’ Toy Story? Goofy? Or do we want a stuffy? I’m partial to the stuffies myself.”

“Stuff?” he asked, not looking your way and distracted by the colorfully decorated boxes.

‘You have any plushies? A Teddy Bear?” You tried to give him options.

“Teddy!” he nodded and pointed at himself.

“That IS you!” you broke into a broad smile at the cuteness beaming your way. “Ugh, you’re so cute. How does your dad not cave immediately?” You push his hair off his forehead.

“I am cute.” He nodded with a smile, a dimple appearing that almost brought a tear to your eye. You would demand Wayne to show you baby pictures of Eddie to confirm Teddy wasn’t just an out of place in time baby Eddie.

“Yes you are.” you nod and push him farther down the aisle. “Ah, here we go. This familiar?” you ask holding up a toy guitar. Teddy perks up and does a very poorly mimed air guitar. “Daddy plays this! You remember what it’s called?”

“A guitar! Metal!” he threw his hands up in the air, shouting but you didn’t care.

“Of course, he taught you that.” you chuckled to yourself. “You want a little guitar?” you pushed a button on the neck of the primary colored instrument and a short tune played.

“Where’s da strings?” he asked with a slap to the neck that made you crack out a loud laugh.

“This is a kid version of a big boy guitar like daddy has. There are no strings, you just hit the buttons, see?” you pushed another music note-shaped key and another little riff played. He scrunched his nose and shook his head. “I know, it’s not as good as daddy playing is it?” he kept his curl bouncing head shake going in agreement.

“It really is you.” a man’s voice cut through the air making both you and Teddy jump.

“Uh- hello?” you tried to not sound so confused as you turned, Teddy’s puppy head peeping from behind you.

“I’d heard you were back in town but I wasn’t sure if I believed it.” an older face but a familiar smile appeared on the old acquaintance. You had floated around the same peer groups as you were standing with a welcoming stance as he caught sight of the boy behind you. “Cute kid. Takes after his mom.” he winked. Which threw you off, your nose wrinkling without the thought to hide your emotion on your face. You had worked so hard at unlearning hiding every emotion you weren’t sure if you recalled how to hide them when you needed to now.

“Oh, he’s not mine.” you chuckled. “I’m babysitting today.”

“Oh, that’s nice of you. You here with…sorry I don’t remember your husband's name.”

“Well he doesn’t have a name because I don’t have a husband.” a dorky laugh escaped you as you felt entirely graceless under his rather observant stare. You quickly realized you weren’t into being looked at by men anymore. Well… all but one.

“Really?” Ugh, god he was so transparent.

“I just got divorced and moved back. I’ve been laying low.”

“You should come out sometime. Catch a game or come by the bar.”

“Yeah… maybe.” you force a smile, out of practice with your fake social cues. You didn’t know if he picked up on your hesitation or not. You weren’t sure how he couldn’t.

“Who’re you babysitting for? Who is getting to hang out with you if you’re turning down offers?” his tone wasn’t cold, but you felt like he was prying where he had no business to.

“You remember Eddie Munson?”

“How could I forget?” he rolled his eyes.

“He’s the first person I met when I came back. I’m watching his kid as favor today.”

“Ah, I see. Already back on the hook.”

“Excuse me?” you tilted your head.

“You and him dated right? Makes sense you’d wanna revisit some nostalgia since you’re back.”

“We didn’t actually.” your voice curter, stepping between him and Teddy as a protective urge came over you.

“You two were…ya know…” he bobbed his head. “Always together. Makes sense you’d want a little fun post-divorce. Hit up an old flame I get it.” he waved his hand as if given you permission. “You were two little weirdos that suited each other. But he still looks… like that and you… don’t.”

“I’m gonna go now. I’m not going to have anyone speak ill of me or someone’s-” you nodded to Teddy “dad in front of them. Seems like you’ve changed for the worse. Or maybe you still suck. I don’t remember.” you shrugged and turned to push the cart.

“I didn’t mean it like that!”

“Save it.” you groaned and didn’t look back. You made your rounds and were now settled back into your apartment. Teddy was coloring on the coffee table that you’d covered in a blanket. He would ask periodically for your input but mostly made loud sounds when he got excited about a color.

You couldn’t shake the thought of someone saying something negative about Eddie in front of his own kid. You’d already forgotten the insult had also been about you. You frowned, chin to your knee as you sat and watched the boy scribble and shout. What bad things would he hear about his dad? What things had he already heard? You hoped he didn’t understand any of it yet. That same protective force came over you, you reached out to pet his baby soft curls and rub his back.

“You know… you’re dad’s really great.” you say aloud. At least you didn’t have to worry about social skills around a kid.

“Yeah.” he nodded, smiling a bit brighter at the mention but still watching his creative process play out.

“He loves you a lot.”

“He told me.” you smiled and sighed contently at the answer. Of course, Eddie would tell him. He probably told him so much he rolled his eyes at the words.

“He’s a good daddy isn’t he?”

“Best ever.” he turned his attention to you and nodded.

“He is the best!” you enthusiastically nodded. “Better than… candy!”

“Better dan… peabutter and jelly!” he bounced.

“Speaking of, I think it’s time to eat.”

“He bringing sketti?” he asked with hopeful eyes. You filled in the blanks of the subject change.

“No, he’ll be by later though.”

“I miss him.” he pouted slightly and you wanted to die inside.

“You know what? I miss him too.” you nodded and sighed, giving him a similar pout. “I missed your daddy a lot.” you finally admitted to someone. Teddy was small but a hell of an outlet. “I think he’d want us to have a good dinner. Did you want spaghetti?”

“Want the sketti dad makes.” he frowned.

“I bet it’s good, huh?” an agreeable nod followed. “I’d like your dad to cook for me too.” you laugh and you know he doesn’t understand why but it’s not important. “How about the spaghetti I make? Do you like sauce? You want meatballs? I think I have meatballs.” you stand and look at the freezer in the kitchen.

“I like meatballs.” you’d seemed to capture his attention.

“If it’s meatballs you want my little angel. Then meatballs you shall have!”

-

As you danced around your kitchen, pen in your mouth, hair pulled up and glasses on you looked over the book in your hands.

“DANCE MAGIC DANCE!” Teddy was boogying down in front of the tv where you’d moved the coffee table out of the way and made a little play area of his toys, blankets, and pillows. You were two movies in and he was well-behaved during his favorites. He loved the songs and if he didn’t know all the words he was surely fooling you. He babbled and swayed, clapped, and stomped his socked feet.

You’d gotten in your new favorite lounge wear for the evening, slipper socks, leggings and an old shirt you’d found in the many boxes of your old things you’d finally taken from your parent's house. All cozied in a massive cardigan you were comfy and felt a pleasant tiredness from chasing after the baby all day. You realize in the moment how opposed to your old life this new one was. You wore matched tracksuits or a paired pajama set that were as expensive as it was uncomfortable. There were no old comfy clothes before, no personal touch or warmth to the things you wore while you were in your home. Now the main focus was comfort and happiness. Which you were finding a lot more plentiful than you’d expected. You sat down the ledger and decided to join Teddy in his antics. Who better to learn from than a kid about how to enjoy yourself?

“Jump magic jump.” you both sang, your hair bobbing, you and Teddy dancing around each other. You’d take his hand from time to time and squat and bob with him. You were both fully distracted. Him squealing and singing, you doing the voices to the movies and now picking him up and spinning him, putting him back on your hope. “You remind me the babe.” you bopped your head to his as he grabbed your face and slapped the beat to your cheeks. “Slime and snails or puppy dog tails!” you shout and pretend to eat his shoulder as he screamed happily. Little did you know Eddie was watching the whole interaction go down. What started as amusement turned into an undeniable lump in his throat. You make Teddy laugh and in return him doing the same to you. You fussed with him like he was your own. Like you loved him. Eddie stood dazed, eyes wide and wanting as he got to observe a moment he felt like a fantasy playing out before him.

“Dance magic dance!” Teddy clapped as he squirmed to be free to use his legs again, kicking his legs out clumsily. You were close-eyed and bouncing, hands up before a scream cut you off.

“DADDY!” the sound of thudding feet was quick behind. You spun around in surprise to see Eddie scooping up his very cuddly mini.

“Looks like someone was having fun.” he grinned as his neck was squeezed by little arms.

“It was me. You caught me.” you huffed out a laugh as you pause the movie.

“You had fun too didn’t you?” he kissed Teddy’s face noisily. A happy hum escaped them both as he greedily accept the kisses, his hands tight to Eddie’s shirt. “You have a good time?” he asked after the assault of affection ran its natural course.

“Ye.” he nodded enthusiastically.

“We had Mc Donalds and spaghetti and he didn’t really nap, he slowed down there for a bit but never tapped out. Little champ aren’t ya?” you gave him a soft slug in the arm.

“Champ!” he flexed his arm and you both cackled.

“He missed you.” you gave a softer smile, reaching out to fix an errant curl.

“Well I missed him!” he kissed his cheek and squeezed him again. “You ready to go?”

“But the movie!” he made grabby hands at the tv.

“We can finish the movie at home.”

“No!” His demanding face was as persistent as anything had ever been.

“I think we’ve taken up enough of her time today already.” He apologetically laughed, looking over at you.

“Not at all.” You shook your head a little fast, not meaning to seem so excited at the prospect. “You can finish the movie and then head out. I’m sure you haven’t eaten dinner and I’ve got leftovers. We can talk while he rocks out to Bowie.” You motion toward the tv with your thumb.

“Please?” Teddy gave Eddie the same eyes he’d used on you years ago. They were extremely effective.

“Okay.” He bopped his forehead to the wide eyed child’s before he let out a triumphant cheer. “Only because I’m starving.” He lied. There were so many reasons for him to stay.

You sat on the couch next to Eddie as he scarfed down spaghetti and meatballs. You had his books back in your lap, concentrated as you had someone else with eyes on Teddy now.

“Shit that was good.” He whispered, returning from putting his bowl in the sink as instructed. “I knew you were gonna spoil him but now I feel like I’m getting it by proximity.” he rubbed his stomach as he slouched back.

“Well lucky for you I like taking care of cute kids.” You teased with a scrunched-nose smile.

“I take it I’m included in that?”

“Teddys not the father here? I’m so confused.” You made an exasperated face as you turned your cross legged body toward him.

“I mean he only poops his pants slightly more than I do so…” Eddie shrugged and it made you snort out a laugh.

“He did very good with the potty today. You did a great job.” You reached out to pat his knee. Even if it was under a condescending guise he wanted more. “Hopefully he won’t pee the bed until he’s 18 like you did.”

“Hey!” His voice rose louder than the hushed conversation you were having to not distract Teddy. It caused you to cover your mouth to laugh. “It doesn’t count if it’s because you’re drunk!” He reached out to pinch your side as you slapped loosely at him.

“Does it not?” You whispered back, Teddy oblivious to the childish flirting occurring behind him.

“No! It’s… science!” He couldn’t even get it out with a straight face.

“Without your guidance, I might’ve done it a handful of times myself in college.” you admitted with a whisper, sharing by leaning in closer to him.

“I knew it. Pot. Kettle.” he smirked and nodded his head aggressively at you. You leaned into the couch with a content sigh, your shoulders slumping as you put space between your faces. “I haven’t even gotten drunk in…years.”

“Around 3 to 4?” you grin and nod Teddy’s way.

“Yeah you’re right.” he realizes with a heavy exhale, hand disappearing into his pulled-back curls to scratch his head.

“You’re a good dad, you know.” you praised with eyes and a voice so soft and sweet it made his teeth ache. “Great dad.” you corrected. “Little guy is nuts about you. We talked about you today.”

“Oh no, what’d he say?” he cringed and let his head fall into the cushion of the couch.

“He missed you, said you were the best dad. Better than peanut butter and jelly.” your lips pouted more than they meant to with the sharing of sentiment.

“He’s a liar but I appreciate it.” you shared a laugh.

“You are a great dad.” your voice hushed a touch.

“Why are you tellin’ me this?” an upward jab of his chin in insistence.

“You should know. Because you are. And people around here can suck and I know despite your bad boy exterior you’re made of jello inside and I didn’t want sh-crappy people to get to you.”

“What happened?” he leaned forward, a hand to your knee.

“Nothing.” you shrugged. He quickly pinched your knee with raised brows, demanding you respond truthfully.

“A guy we used to know in school ran into me today in the store with little bit.” you looked to the side to see Teddy still enamored with the movie. “He was vaguely insulting to-well, both of us and it got me thinking.”

“About what?”

“That despite how long it’s been and how hard you work people are still gonna talk. Even when they know nothing. They’re gonna still see the freak with your tattoos and hair and be as petty as they ever were. It’s depressing how that hasn’t changed at all.”

“Welcome home.” he gave you a sad smile. “You don’t have to worry about me though. I’m used to it.”

“You shouldn’t have to be.” you grumped, your brow creasing. “I got so mad thinking about Teddy hearing stuff about you when he gets older. And it’s all bullshit. And I just-” you raspberry your lips and groan with a long exhale.

“It’s not your job to worry about Teddy.” Eddie pat your knee and gave you a kind smile.

“Well I worry about both of you and as long as I’m around I’m gonna keep worrying.” you mutter with exaggerated annoyance.

“This really all from some old douche talking smack?” his head tilted and the same as it ever was he saw through you. There were plenty of reasons. Most of which you were not ready to unpack. You grab the ledge and move it between the two of you.

“It’s only part of it.” you admit softly. He looked down at it and a resigned sadness came across his face.

“I know.”

“You do?” you whispered, leaning closer as if it might help soften the blow.

“I’ve been paying the bills. I know.” he stared at the book like it was at fault.

“It’s not good, Eddie.”

“I know.” he repeats, shoulders growing stiff as he rubs the back of his neck. You see him look out to Teddy and you feel the burn of tears behind your eyes.

“I can help.” you offer, now leaning forward, your eyes wide, almost begging as he refuses to meet them, feeling the heat of shame creep up his face.

“How?” he rolled his eyes, looking away, his hand falling to his lap.

“I’m going to do some research. Get some data together on sales figures for music. I can hang out at the shop and see what needs to be changed. We can update. It’s nowhere near hopeless.”

“I don’t wanna sell out.” his brow creased hard, defiance in him you understood on a personal level.

“Changing with the times to survive isn’t selling out. It’s still selling music to people. It’s just not vinyl and cassettes. You can move to CDs. Get a broader selection of music. There’s this thing called the internet that’s getting super popular and I think it’s going to be the next big thing. If we can figure out how to utilize that you might get ahead of the game.”

“I don’t wanna shill pop to assholes who bully people like me.” he groaned. “CDs are so… they lack soul, man.” he withdrew from you and pulled his arms to his body.

“Eddie,” you said reaching out to take his hand between both of yours. He was busy staring at the touch, but he did hear you. “You’re not going to last the year if you don’t change. I don’t want to be so harsh but that’s what people pay me for. And you’re not paying me for this by the way.” you interject and smack his hand when his mouth opens to disagree. “I will not lie to you. I won’t sugarcoat things. But I think you can appreciate that. And if you don’t let yourself change with the market you will fail. Loving music isn’t one type of music. Or one type of medium. The way you love your metal is the same way some people feel about the music you hate. It’s not about the type of music. It’s about THE music. Do you understand?” He nodded subtly, eyes slowly rising to meet yours. “Selling out is about art. Selling out doesn’t apply to business. Not in the same way. And when you’re successful, and people see how knowledgeable you are, you’re not gonna give a shit about being a so-called sellout.” his lips purse, a lick that morphed into a chew as he thought.

“I don't want to be some business asshole type.” he whispered.

“You couldn't be.” your laugh caught him off guard, giving you his dark fearful eyes. You squeezed his hand tighter. “You aren’t capable of that. Besides, I’d never let you.” you smile and it breaks the set wrinkles of concern. “If you let me help… I won’t let you fail.”

“You can’t guarantee that.”

“Yes I can.” you say with confidence he’d never seen from you before. “If I do everything in my power and the business falls, I will find you something else. I swear. I don’t think it’ll come to that. But I’m not going to let you go broke on a dream when it’s only because you don’t have the knowledge to know how to succeed. I have that. I’m not going to let you fail. And I’m not going to let Teddy have the sort of life we had growing up. Worrying about where our next meal’s gonna come from. He’s never going to know what it’s like to be poor like that. He’s going to be spoiled and loved and his dad’s gonna be his hero because he’ll see - not in his teen’s he’ll probably hate you then-” you smirk and it broke Eddie’s reserve, making him laugh as he looked at his son and sniffled, wiping a tear away. “But when he’s grown he’ll see how hard you worked. And how smart you are. And how much you care. You’ll have something to leave him if he wants it. And if not, there’s gonna be another punk ass kid just like you… working in a record store because music is his life and you can leave the business to him.”

“You should be like a… motivational speaker or something, dude, shit.” he squeezed your hand and put his other on top.

“I’m good at what I do.” you nod and break the handhold, reaching out to touch his cheek. Your hand feels so warm against his cheek slightly wet from a few stray tears. “And now, I care about it. It means something when I’m using what I know for someone I care about. If you can trust me, we can do this. You can change. And if you won’t do it for you, you’re sure as hell going to do it for him.” Eddie’s eyes snap to Teddy. He nods so subtly that you almost miss it.

“I’d do anything for him.” he admitted, although you already knew.

“I know.” you pat his cheek and drop your hand. “That’s why you’re the best dad.” you smile with more perk and he turns back to you with slightly happier wet eyes. “I don't mean to assume but… I know you must’ve been terrified when you found out you were gonna be a dad. I know you don’t have the best feelings about the topic of dads. But you’re doing amazing. You know that right?”

“Why-?” he begins and changes his mind. “You don’t have to do this. I don’t why you’re… doing all this,” he admitted with a heavy brow. “I told you you don’t have to get involved in my bullshit.”

“It’s not bullshit.” you corrected. “And I told you. I want to be involved. I... I don’t know I just care about you. I always have. And you’re the only one that’s treated me like a person since I’ve been back and not like some weird trophy to take since I’m single again.” you shook your head and wrinkled your nose, he saw that there must be more going on than you’re letting on with people in town. “You were the only one who did back then too.” you frown. “I mean that feels a bit dramatic but no one got me like you did. Like you do now.” you confess. “And I left and that meant I left you alone. Well, not alone- that’s being dramatic again. But I left. And I think part of me regrets it in a weird way and I see that I actually have to means to be helpful to you now and maybe deep down I’m doing it so I won’t feel as guilty. I feel like I have to atone or something. I don’t fully understand it. I just know that I care about you. A lot. And I care about Teddy. And I want to be a better person than I was then. I want to be the friend I should’ve been back then. I wasn’t helpful back then.” you look down and smile. “I feel like I mooched off you more than helped and maybe I can make up for that now.”

“So you still do that thing where you start talking about your feelings and can’t stop, huh?” his deep dimpled smile made you blush.

“I guess I do.” you whisper. He surprised you by moving to face you and putting his arms around you. You were hesitant at first, hands hovering over him instead of embracing him back.

“You were a great friend. Still are,” he reassured you, his head pressed to yours. You accept the uncomfortable feeling of true intimacy. Emotional intimacy and wrap your arms around him, letting your head rest on his shoulder. “You don’t have anything to feel guilty about.”

“That’s not true. There’s…a lot.” you admit, he felt your body tense against him. “I should’ve…” he feels your throat tense and swallow against him.

“Sweetheart I have things to apologize for too.” a soft confession that made your eyes squeeze tightly shut.

“Make room.” you hear from the side of the couch as Teddy grabs a leg and climbs. You break the hug, looking down at the intruder and laughing, hiding sniffles and not yet fallen tears. “We can watch and hug.” he says with a nod and pats both your legs. “Daddy sit still.” he ordered and sat in his lap with a thud. “Missy you go here.” you were ordered as he pats the couch next to Eddie. Eddie threw his arm over the back of the couch and shrugged, welcoming you in. Teddy’s legs went into your lap as you pressed your side into Eddie, slipping under his arm like old times. Teddy wiggled between you, throwing a leg over each of yours. He leaned to grab one of Eddie’s hands to hold then did the same to you. Your heart could’ve exploded. You even felt the burn of tears threatening again. You didn’t know the simple acceptance of a child could mean so much. “Watch!” he shouted when he looked up to see you both looking at him instead of the tv.

Eddie quickly realized maybe Teddy was missing the dynamic of a parenting couple more than he knew. Teddy might not even know it himself. He did love to snuggle. He demanded it of him and Wayne often. Eddie couldn’t watch the movie. Even if he liked it and had seen it possibly hundreds of times now. You wore a smile that made his stomach flip, watching Teddy’s little fingers mindlessly play with your fingers and his dad’s rings. Your head was leaning on Eddie’s arm, and you seemed more than comfortable with it. Maybe he should be less concerned with Teddy’s need for a mother and man up and realize he’s projecting. He felt selfish for it. The fantasy of a mother around for Teddy. Of a family. Not a non-traditional one. But one that people would recognize and respect. He knew Teddy’s mom would want the best for her son. That’s all she ever wanted. That’s why she agreed to the lackluster proposal of marriage from Eddie. It was never about them, it was about the baby and doing anything to make its life easier. Eddie felt like he’d kept to that promise as best he could. He knew another parent, a feminine influence would be good for him, and make him more well-rounded. But he also couldn’t pretend like Teddy was the only reason for wanting it. He wanted it too. And he couldn’t help himself. He thinks he wanted it with you.

Appreciate all comments and reblogs. Thanks so much!

@dylanmunson @steveharringtonisfit @shayeddie @cyntherr @pedroschka @big-ope-vibes @nitafromtheshadows @suspirian @originalstar1 @alyisdead @peachysink @ly17 @munson-blurbs @trixyvixx @bakugouswh0r3 @chaoticgood-munson @hazydespair @sidthedollface2 @superlovingcollectormoonpos-blog @idkatee @mrsdollardog @eddiesprincess86 @avalon-wolf

[whentherewerebicycles]

and here is the day:

6-8:45 coffee, lounge, work emails

8:45-9:45 shower/get ready, breakfast

9:50ish leave for work (bring lunch and two apples… that got me through yesterday without feeling too snacky)

10:30-11:30 DW mtg

11:30-2 work time—I would like to see if I can finish this position description in that time. I think when I am writing in a new genre I get really fussy about getting it right but honestly I’ve read some very blunt, plain, to-the-point job ads that were just fine, so I am going to gently push myself to not overthink it. tbh I already did all the hard work (combing through other job ads and generating the detailed list of job duties) so it’s just a matter of cleaning up the language a bit. I can do it! and then it will be OFF my PLATE. also if I do this today I give myself full permission to take it real easy on Friday after the event

2-3 team mtg

3-3:30 wrap up work

3:30-4 commute home

4-5 walk the dogs! I haven’t given them a nice long walk all week because of the rain/cold so would like to try to do at least the 35 min loop while I listen to the game.

5-6 hmm I’m kind of in between meals but don’t really want to cook on a choir night. I might pick up a frozen meal or some canned soup on the way home and just do that.

6:30-10 choir rehearsal

also I keep forgetting it’s a long weekend!!! how nice!!!!

[purplesurveys]

1570

another rare pokémon aka a two-in-one

1 - Are you interested in any reality TV shows? Yes, but I only watch their snippets on social media more than anything; I was never the type to seek out whole episodes even if it’s a reality show that I enjoy.

2 - When was the last time you made plans with someone? What are you going to do with that person? I haven’t made super sure plans recently but I do know that this Christmas I have at least two get-togethers happening – a Powerpoint party with Angela and Reena; and a reunion with my entire college friend group.

3 - How often (if ever) do you use moisturizer? Never. I don’t even own some.

4 - Name five things you can touch from where you’re sitting right now: This chair I’m sitting on, my phone, the edge of the table, another chair, and my scrunchie. Not a varied selection considering I’m at the rooftop and the most I can touch is just...air, lol.

5 - Have you had any of your wisdom teeth removed? What was the reason? (eg. infection, impaction, lack of space). Yeah, I’ve had two removed. By the time I needed to get them extracted, they were decayed and had reached a point where they were causing excruciating pain throughout my head.

6 - What was the reason for your last hospital visit? Urine and blood tests.

7 - Where was the last place you had an itch? My right knee. I think I had an allergic reaction on that spot since I recall seeing rashes on it the other night.

8 - If you’re on a long car journey, would you rather drive or be the passenger? Depends on who I’m with. If it’s a road trip with family, I’d rather my dad drive; if it’s with friends I’m fine either way and I’d actually prefer if a friend and I would take turns driving.

9 - What’s the earliest time you’ve had to wake up for work? What about the latest time you’ve clocked off for the day? I remember having to wake up at like 4 AM during my INTERNSHIP because we had a client who was going to be on a morning talk show. Looking back though I have little to bitch about because at least I got free breakfast out of it ha.

Latest time I’ve clocked out...probably 1 AM? I can recall a couple of instances off the top of my head where I had no choice but to work through the evening. 10 - Do you use a laptop, desktop, tablet or phone to take your surveys? Always a laptop. I don’t have a desktop; haven’t used the iPad in years; and I imagine it would be a bitch to answer 50-60 questions through a touchscreen.

11 - Are you fussy when it comes to how your surveys are formatted on your blog? Yep, a little bit. I don’t mind doing things manually as long as it’s able to keep my finished surveys exactly the way I usually format them to be.

12 - How old were you when you first got internet access at home? Was it broadband or did you have dial-up first? Technically I was like 3 when I first had a taste of dial-up internet - my parents mainly kept it around so they could email one another while my dad would work in another country. I never used it though lol, because what was there for a 3 year old to do on the internet in 2001?

Anyway, the first time I got to use the internet for real was in 2008, when I was 10. Back then the laptop still had to be plugged into the router at all times if we wanted to keep online. 

13 - When was the last time you painted your nails? Not sure. A couple of months ago, I think.

14 - What’s your typical order when you go to Starbucks (or wherever your favourite coffee shop is)? Iced caramel macchiato, in grande. I try to make the pastry different every time but I am quite partial to their dark chocolate macadamia cookie.

15 - What’s your favourite thing to have on toast? Just butter is fine.

16 - Do you have any debt? If so, are you on top of paying it all back? Yeah like P200 to my dad because I didn’t have cash on-hand to pay for a recent package I received hahaha.

17 - What was the last thing you purchased with a credit card? Continued from...Tuesday or whenever it was. Technically it was my dad’s credit card and the last and only thing I bought with it was my current phone.

18 - Have you been to college/university? If so, has your degree been useful to you or was it a bit of a waste of money? I did go to college but I got to enjoy free tuition for like 7 out of 8 sems, so I wouldn’t be a good judge for worth it-yness. As for my degree, it has been useful to a degree – I’m not a journalist per se but I have stayed within the profession, and I can say it’s helped me out.

19 - How often do you travel by public transport? Never. I would use it if it were as reliable as the ones I see in like Korea or Europe, but alas I live in the Philippines. I’d much rather drive.

20 - Do you have an instagram account? If so, how often do you post on there and what kind of things do you post? I do. I mainly post stories, but my overall profile (when I do occasionally post) is basically a recap of all the museums I go to, and the artworks I see. If anyone’s familiar with RM’s Instagram profile, my own profile is essentially the same thing minus the nature and minus photos of myself haha. My Instagram is strictly dedicated to art.

21 - Are you close to your extended family? Do you wish you were closer? Some! I’m very close with my mom’s side of the family; but I’ve also been making an effort to be closer with my dad’s side as we are not getting any younger.

22 - Do you prefer to give your pets human names or not? We give them human names that just so happen to also be suitable for pets, if that makes sense? Like I wouldn’t name a pet Mark or Lisa, but we’ve named our pets Kimi (after Kimi Raikkonen) and Cooper. Only Agi’s isn’t human-like.

23 - Do you like having ice in your drinks? Only when I’m outdoors. 

24 - When was the last time you went to a BBQ restaurant? Couple of months ago when my uncle Rocky visited from the States and wanted to get Korean barbecue.

25 - When was the last time you re-arranged the furniture? Is this something you like to do often? Literally just this weekend since we put up our Christmas tree and had to move some stuff around to make space for it. We don’t do it a lot and actually it just only happens around the Christmas season.

26 - Have you ever used a fire extinguisher? Would you know how to use one without reading the instructions? Never had to, and no. I really should learn how to, come to think of it...

27 - What’s the worst thing you’ve ever had to deal with at your job? Clients with expectations that are just wildly unrealistic and force us to find a way to make it realistic.

28 - What was the last thing you used your mobile phone for? I used Spotify to play music while I take surveys.

29 - Did you used to play The Sims? What version or expansion pack was your favourite one to play? I did! I was never a big follower though and just bought whatever kind my dad happened to buy. I played Sims 2 on the PS2 a lot when I was younger; and then Sims 4 a bit with the PS4.

30 - What was the last thing you used a lighter for? I’ve never used a lighter for anything haha. Scared of fire.

--

Would you tell your co-workers what underwear you have on? I imagine I’d only do so outside of a work environment, like if we were having dinner somewhere as just friends and not co-workers.

Do you make your bed each morning? Yes. It helps me calm down and get into the Right Mood for work. Having a messy environment subsequently messes with my ~condition for the day.

How many family photos do you have in your home? We have a handful of them perched along our stairs, and I believe my parents also keep a few family portraits in their bedroom.

Are you concerned about the economy? Yes, mostly on how it affects the poor and how it makes them poorer. I’m very fortunate and privileged to be in a place wherein inflation doesn’t noticeably affect me and my family’s situation, but it shatters me a little bit every time I read the news and see a student have to stop schooling or jeepney drivers being forced to stop working because gas just costs too much now.

What is the most interesting food you’ve eaten? This Filipino fusion place in Pobla that had unique takes on local cuisine. I’m not a big fan of Westernized or fancified takes on Filipino food,  but their dishes were quite tasty!

Do you remember anything you learned in school? Yeah man, like most of them haha. They’ve been helpful.

Are you happy with how much money you make? I am, but because I am selfish and materialistic I am always wanting more lol.

How do you feel about people who drive SUVs? Whatever? It’s the way people drive that would help form my opinion around them.

When is the last time you saw your real hair color? A couple of weeks ago when I still had my roots + brown hair. Recently dyed my whole hair purple though.

Are you the type of person that will parallel park? Yes. It’s easy for me because I have cute lil car hahaha.

Will you drive around the block to look for a spot? As much as possible, no. I’d rather wait if it means I get to secure a spot close to where I need to be.

What do you like to collect? K-pop merch... 😬

How many pancakes could you eat in 5 minutes? Barely one. I am an excruciatingly slow eater.

Do you think cheese and mustard together on a sandwich is gross? I’m not sure as I’ve never had it, I think. I’d still try it though.

How do you feel about babies? I like them.

What is the worst taste to have in your mouth? Spoiled stuff.

[2023dailycheckin]

1/11/2023

Been feeling depressed so no update for yesterday. Just didn’t feel like typing it.

Woke up today at about 6 after a completely sleepless night with Winnie. She tossed and turned for hours, I think she was overtired. I forgot I told Chase I would take him to school so he came to get me after I got the baby settled upstairs. I packed her in the car seat and we headed that way. Stopped for coffee on the way there and Chase picked me up a red bull. After I dropped him off at school and got all the way home, Brayden called to say he forgot his backpack so I had to pick it up and drive it to his school. I couldn’t get ahold of him when I got there so I put the baby in the stroller and took it inside. I called Mike on the way home to vent about the morning.

I got home and FaceTimed my mom. I couldn’t sleep so I just got dressed to go to the YMCA. Changed and fed Winnie and then started up that way. I checked her into child watch and went upstairs. I’ve been super intimidated by gym equipment but it was a very slow morning so I tried some new things and took notes on my phone. I kept hearing the child watch announcements but I couldn’t hear what they were saying and I was worried they were calling for me so I left early and picked Winnie up at 10. I was pretty wired from pre workout so I stopped by the thrift store on the way home since I had the energy.

Once we got home I fed and changed Winnie again and tried to get us both to nap, pretty unsuccessfully. I told Chase I would pick him up since I couldn’t sleep anyways. I went to get him and had a good chat on the way home. His partner just tried edibles for the first time and he thinks he might want to consider it. I told him just to talk to us before he does anything and he seemed like he would. Brayden got home and he had a decent day. I tried to nap again but to no avail so me and Chase just talked for a bit about some possible upcoming shows to go to.

I wanted to make pot roast for dinner but the meat I had set out went bad, though fortunately I had another roast in the freezer so I just needed to put it in the instant pot a little longer. I got everything put in and Mike got home about that time. He said he’d take the baby after dinner so I could get some sleep. Dinner came out around 6:30, the kids were nice about it but I don’t think they were fans. I packed up the leftovers for lunch tomorrow for Mike and left him the baby to go lay down.

I couldn’t fall asleep for the life of me. I slipped on scrolling social media so I’m sure that didn’t help. I came back downstairs to chill with Mike and Winnie and ate some chia pudding. Went back upstairs to shower and by the time I got out Winnie was losing it again. I told Mike I would try to get some sleep with her since she was being so fussy and he reluctantly let me. I know he wants to help more but she’s just so attached right now.

[fictionzsurveys]

1 - Are you interested in any reality TV shows? Nope.

2 - When was the last time you made plans with someone? What are you going to do with that person? I made plans to play a board game yesterday and we did. It was a trick-taking game with cats.

3 - How often (if ever) do you use moisturizer? Every once in a while during winter. My hands can get ashy.

4 - Name five things you can touch from where you’re sitting right now: Keyboard, mouse, fidget spinner, mac pro, backpack.

5 - Have you had any of your wisdom teeth removed? What was the reason? (eg. infection, impaction, lack of space). Nope, they’re still in there.

6 - What was the reason for your last hospital visit? Getting a mole and a cyst removed.

7 - Where was the last place you had an itch? The side of my stomach with a mystery itch. I’m paranoid it’s a bed bug lurking around my bed.

8 - If you’re on a long car journey, would you rather drive or be the passenger? Drive.

9 - What’s the earliest time you’ve had to wake up for work? What about the latest time you’ve clocked off for the day? Hm maybe about 5 to 5:30 AM? One job required me to be in pretty early. But I got transferred out of there because I lived far from the office and kept showing up late.

10 - Do you use a laptop, desktop, tablet or phone to take your surveys? Usually a PC, sometimes my phone.

11 - Are you fussy when it comes to how your surveys are formatted on your blog? Yep.

12 - How old were you when you first got internet access at home? Was it broadband or did you have dial-up first? It would’ve been dial-up in 1999.

13 - When was the last time you painted your nails? Never.

14 - What’s your typical order when you go to Starbucks (or wherever your favourite coffee shop is)? Some kinda cold tea or coffee.

15 - What’s your favourite thing to have on toast? Not a fan of toast. It scratches the roof of my mouth.

16 - Do you have any debt? If so, are you on top of paying it all back? About $1,600. I pay off my cards every month.

17 - What was the last thing you purchased with a credit card? This morning’s breakfast. I put everything on cards for the mileage points and rewards.

18 - Have you been to college/university? If so, has your degree been useful to you or was it a bit of a waste of money? Yep, for three years in the early 00s and then non-stop since 2008. I got an associates degree in graphic and web design and it helped for sure.

19 - How often do you travel by public transport? Every day since I don’t have a car.

20 - Do you have an instagram account? If so, how often do you post on there and what kind of things do you post? No I shut it down.

21 - Are you close to your extended family? Do you wish you were closer? Not so much these days. I’m a distant type.

22 - Do you prefer to give your pets human names or not? Not.

23 - Do you like having ice in your drinks? Yep.

24 - When was the last time you went to a BBQ restaurant? Oh man... years.

25 - When was the last time you re-arranged the furniture? Is this something you like to do often? A few days ago to accommodate some upcoming construction. I used to like to move things around but now that most of my stuff is in storage I’m fine with the layout.

26 - Have you ever used a fire extinguisher? Would you know how to use one without reading the instructions? Nope, and I think I could figure it out.

27 - What’s the worst thing you’ve ever had to deal with at your job? Talking with devs who have emotional difficulty.

28 - What was the last thing you used your mobile phone for? Listen to a podcast.

29 - Did you used to play The Sims? What version or expansion pack was your favourite one to play? Nope, but I worked on Sims 2 and Sims 3 so I did get to play those. I liked Sims 3 more than 2 when I had to poke around in there.

30 - What was the last thing you used a lighter for? Probably to melt a plastic part back together after it snapped off, but I can’t recall which device.

[cocochannel00]

Divorce Papers

Sometimes it can all get a little too much being the wife of Harry Styles... 

Kids: Connor (2), Rebecca/Becca (1)

You couldn't lie to yourself anymore. Harry had been touring for the last 5 month and you were at home with two kids under the age of 3. He rarely called, barley visited home, and was always being photographed and big glitzy parties with a bunch of supermodels. At first, you didn't worry, you and Harry were married after all so there really was no worry, but as time went by you became more and more anxious about the situation. His calls went from daily to once a week at most. At first, you thought it was just the jet lag or the time zones that made it difficult but after hearing from him once in a matter of weeks and being forced to text Jeff to get updates on your husband’s whereabouts, you there was a problem.

You understood it was his job to go tour across the world wherever they sent him but you also knew that Harry was responsible for being a father to your children and that was one thing he was not fulfilling. It was always hard to raise toddlers so close in age but when you have to raise them alone because your husband is MIA, the situation could only get worse from there. Luckily Connor always slept through the night, but Becca would start screaming every few hours with no one to help you, it was starting to take a toll on you. Gemma, Harry's sister, tried to make up for her brother’s absence but it wasn't the same.

You were starting to think your marriage was crumbling. Your friends always said it was going to be hard as marrying a celebrity always came with a high price but you had always believed that love conquers all, although this idea was starting to slip away. You had spent the last 5 months thinking strongly on how to fix this problem but you soon realized that Harry had put in zero effort and went on as if nothing was wrong. This always led to the question, Is it even worth fixing at this point? You didn't know but you would soon find out.

After waking up to your alarm clock going off at 8:00 a.m. you rolled out of bed and went to the bathroom to freshen up an pee. Becca had just begun teething and you were nearly at your wits end having to cuddle her to bed every 2 hours. You manage to avoid waking her up as you crept downstairs to make yourself some breakfast peacefully before Gemma came over to spend the day with you and your kids. You started brewing some coffee as you desperately tried to keep your eyes open. Putting some bread in the toaster you sat at your island in silence, contemplating moving whether to move at all from that spot all day. As you sat there you suddenly heard feet hitting the floor upstairs as your son slowly made his way down the stair.

"Connor, what are you doing up buddy?" You asked as you picked him up in your arms, giving him a peck on the cheek.

"breakfast mama," he said in his broken English as he pointed at his high chair.

"Ok buddy let's get you something to eat," you said as you grabbed a box of Cheerios and some milk, pouring it all into a bowl. Your doorbell rang just as you finished finding him a spoon and placing a bib around his neck.

Slowly you walk over to the door revealing Gemma standing there with a bag of pastries and chocolate donut (Connor’s favorite).

"Well you look like shit," she said as she walked past you. You rolled your eyes and followed her, closing the door on the way in.

She removed the bowl of cheerios from his table and placed the donut down in-front of Connor as he clapped happily.

Gemma placed a kiss on his forehead before turning around to look at you, "still no call?" She asked quietly. 

That had been the million-dollar question for the past two and a half weeks. No call, no text, no word from Harry. You heard nothing about how the tour was going or when he would have his next break. He had essentially cut off all communications and it was ruining you slowly.

You shook your head looking away, trying not to cry about Harry's lack of presence. Gemma swore under her breath and came up to you, giving you a tight hug.

"(Y/n) I know how bad this is and I know how much you love Harry but you can't keep going like this. You've reached your breaking point and this has become an unhealthy relationship. I love my brother with all my heart and I don’t know why he’s doing this but as your friend, I can’t see you like this"

She was right. You had lost at least 10 pounds from the stress and anxiety that Harry was causing you and you knew it needed to come to an end.

"I know but I don't know what to do. I love him, but I can't reach him. I'm basically losing my mind and I don't know how to stop it all" you stated.

She stayed quiet for a minute before quietly asking, "have you thought about a divorce at all?"

In truth you had a couple of times before when it was three in the morning and Becca would scream out for her daddy and you knew there was nothing you could do, but it always felt too extreme.

"Yeah it's crossed my mind a couple times...... but I could never do it I don't think. I love him so much and I can't be alone again, I really can't." You whispered as your eyes began to gloss over.

Gemma wrapped her arms around you tightly. "Shhh, it's going to be ok. Tell you what why don't you come with the kids to my house for a bit and stay there so you’re not alone. I can talk to Michal and see if his friend John can draft up some divorce papers with you... nothing to sign but just to see what it would entail. Did you guys sign a prenup at all? " she asked as you wipe your tears with the edge of your sleeves.

You shook your head, “No, I offered to sign one for him but he refused. Regardless, I don’t want his money, that’s not why I married him”

“I know love, I know. It complicates the situation a bit but nothing that can’t be dealt with later. Besides, you know Harry is going to give you at least half of his earnings if not more regardless of if you want it. He worries about you.” Gemma adds.

“I wish he would at least talk to me if he’s so worried” you mumbled as you heard cries come from the baby monitor sitting on the kitchen counter.

“Let’s take it one step at a time. I’ll call Michal and why don’t you go get Becca” Gemma stated as you went over to wipe the chocolate off of Connor's giddy face as you made your way up the stairs. 

You slowly entered Becca’s room and greeted her with a soft ‘good morning’ as you reached her arms out to you from her crib. You smiled at your baby girl who had seemed to have woken up in a better mood than yesterday. You battle with Becca down the stairs as she attempts to take off your shirt by swatting at your boob (a sign that she’s hungry). 

"Connor says he wants to have a sleepover with me so it has been decided that you’re all staying over at my house” Gemma cheered as Connor giggled in her arms. 

“Gemma, really it’s ok. I don’t want to burden you or Michal” you replied

"Nonsense! Michal loves having these little gremlins and you around. I’ll take Connor up with me and we’ll start packing a bag for him while you feed Rebecca. We have the crib from when Michal’s godson stayed with us a couple of weeks ago so we can move that into the guestroom for you. I'll go call Michal and tell him to come help and we'll be ready in no time!" she said began to make her way upstairs.

"Ok, thanks Gem” you replied as you sat down on the couch with your fussy baby, getting ready to feed her. 

                     ------------------------------------------------------------------

*6 hours later*

After changing Becca and double-checking that you had your purse, you and Gemma got into your car and made the 20-minute drive to Gemma and Michal’s house. Michal being the angel that he is had offered to bring all the bags in his car and drive them over. By the time you got to their house, all your bags were set up in the guest room and the crib Rebecca would be sleeping in was set up in the corner of the room. 

After you had all settled in, Gemma took Connor outside to play in the sprinkler while Becca took a nap upstairs. You sat in the living room with Michal as he began to explain the papers his friend had drafted for you. 

"I'm not gonna lie, this is going to be a long process that will bring out the worst in both of you. Custody will be a major part as well as splitting of assets and money."

You shook your head "I don't want any money. I didn't marry him for money so I'm not going to divorce him for any" you stated

He nodded as he began correcting the forms and continued to explain the legal process as well as the custody procedures. After almost two hours of staring at twenty pages of legal papers, you were finally starting to understanding it all (sort of). Rebecca had woken up ten minutes ago and was now sitting on your lap moving her head every time her name was mentioned. Gemma had brought Connor inside and helped him take a bath and they were watching a movie in her room as you and Michal finished up. You were going over the final details when the doorbell rang. Gemma got up from the couch and went to open it when you suddenly heard some shouting and a pair of rough footsteps heading towards the living room.

You looked up to see none other the Harry who looked both worried and furious at the same time.

"I came home expecting to see my children and wife but I come home to an empty house and a note saying you were gone" he shouted as you sat there in shock, seeing your husband for the first time in months. 

Rebecca whined softly as she became irritated from the loud boom of Harry's voice. Michal quickly stood and rested his hand on your shoulder signaling that he would take Becca upstairs so we could talk. You carefully passed Rebecca off to Michal as Connor came barreling towards Harry. 

“Dada Dada” Connor shouted as his chubby body knocked right into Harry’s legs. 

“Hi baby, I’ve missed you” he replied as he picked up Connor in his arms and showered him with kisses. 

“You should be ashamed of yourself Harry Edward Styles. If mom were here right now she’d have an absolute fit at your behavior. You’re so lucky (Y/n) won’t let me tell her because she would have flown out to whoop your ass. Come on Connor want to go watch the wiggles upstairs” Gemma stated as she grabs Connor from Harry’s arms. 

“wiggles wiggles” Connor cheered as Gemma and Michal carried your kids upstairs.

“If you so much as yell at her Harry I will murder you” Gemma yelled from the top of the stairs. 

Once they were gone you slowly got up from the couch and cleaned up all the papers scattered around the coffee table. As you began placing them in a folder Harry snatched them and began reading through them.

"Divorce papers? Are you serious? I've been gone for my job, a job I have to support you and the kids, and you want to divorce me for it?" He questioned as his anger started to bubble up.

You sighed, "that's not the reason Harry and you know it. It was just an idea Gemma had mentioned so I was looking into it. Besides, I would be divorcing you for neglecting not only me but our family for the last 5 months. Harry, I love you but this isn’t right"

"I had to work (Y/n), what part of that did you not understand?" he shouted as he dropped the papers on the floor. 

"The part where you stop calling your family for months and spend your spare time on yachts with supermodels instead of coming to see your children. I shouldn’t have to ask your manager how you’re doing, you should be telling me" you yell back

He chuckles angrily, "Is that what this is about, you think I cheated? I didn't, but if that’s what you want I'll get right on it? Would that solve your problems?" He replied sarcastically.

Your eyes began to water at the idea Harry described and you pressed your fingers to your eyes as to prevent yourself from crying in front of him. " Harry I love you but if that's how you truly feel then maybe we shouldn't have gotten married in the first place" you stated

"Maybe you're right" he stated as he turns around and stomps towards the kitchen. You let out a shaky breath as you watch him leave. This was not the way you thought your day was going to turn out. 

You began picking up the divorce papers as you hear a cry come from upstairs. Carefully you wipe the tears from your eyes and started to make your way up to go get Becca. You walked into the master bedroom to find Connor fast asleep on Michal’s lap while Gemma attempts to calm Becca down by rocking her back and forth in the corner.

When they spot you in the doorway, Michal gives you a sympathetic smile while Gemma’s frown deepens. You smile in return and pick up Becca from Gemma's arms and walk out of the room. You go to the guest room quickly to grab her favorite blanket and walked downstairs. You can hear Harry pacing in the kitchen, the pile of divorce papers missing from the floor most likely with him. You cautiously made your way to the glass door in the back of the living room and stepped outside into the slightly chilly night, bundling yourself and Becca up in the plush purple blanket Harry had bought Becca when she was born. You turned on the patio light and made your way to Gemma's garden to the small swing standing in the middle of it. 

You stay there crying as you rock Becca to sleep in your arms. A while later you heard footsteps slowly approach the garden and feel the weight of the swing shift as someone sits next to you. You don't dare look up as the smell of cologne gives away that it's Harry. He clears his throat a couple of times before speaking.

"Why wouldn't you take any of my money?" He asked quietly as he folded the divorces papers

You wiped your tears slowly and took a deep breath before responding, "because I didn't marry you for your money so why should I divorce you and get it. I married you because I love you"

"You need the support. I would give you all the money in a heartbeat you know that" he mumbled back

"I have a job and some savings, I could support myself and our kids" you stated. You heard him grunt as he flipped through the pages.

"Custody battle? Do you think it would come to that?" He asked quietly as you saw his shoulders shake.

"My babies are my everything....... I can't lose them like I already lost you" you stated as you caressed Becca's cheek.

"You didn’t lose- were you actually going to sign these?" He asked, voice cracking as you watched his hands begin to shake. 

"No" you replied back, barely louder than a whisper. 

Harry let out a breath and timidly let's go of the papers placing them on the ground before wrapping his arm around you carefully.

The minute your head hit his chest you began to cry. Harry quickly took Becca out of your arms and into his chest as you clung to him, sobbing into his shirt. He caressed his free hand up and down your back and placed chase kisses onto your forehead as he whispered sweet words and apologies to you.

You sobs slowly became sniffles as you wrapped your arms around yourself, leaving your head to lean on Harry's shoulders.

"Baby I’m so unbelievably sorry. I didn’t know it had gotten this bad. Why didn't you tell me you felt this way? With all the shows and starting to record the new album, I forgot about the most important thing in my life." He asked as he rubbed circles into your back.

You twiddled with your fingers, "I could never reach you. Every time I tried to call you were busy so I thought, ok he can just call me, but then your calls just got shorter and then they just stopped. I took it as you were busy but even when you had a couple days off you wouldn't come visit. You had basically broken off from us, Harry. I didn't know what to do. I spent most days with Gemma and most nights with a crying Becca keeping me up because all she wanted was her Dada singing her to sleep. I had to play your albums every night to try and get her to calm down and every time your voice played through the speaker, I died inside. It was all too much for me. I was alone Harry and you were nowhere to be found. I want my husband back. I want the man I fell in love with four years ago that use to wake up at 5 am halfway across the globe just to wish me goodnight. I want the man that cried at our wedding as I walked down the aisle. I want the man that tries to sneak chocolate chips into Connor’s pancakes while I’m not watching just to make his baby boy smile. I want my Harry back." you replied as you stared at the ground.

Harry stiffened as you finished speaking. He slowly lifted your chin up to meet your eyes. You could see tears falling down from his eyes as he looked straight at you. You could tell he was hurting and just the thought of him breakdown was making you shatter into a million pieces. You carefully got up from the swing a grabbed Becca from his arms before tucking her head into the nook of your neck as you cautiously sat down on Harry's laps. Harry let out a loud breath before he carefully wrapped his arms around your frame and staring straight into your eyes. 

"I’m right here baby, I’m still your Harry. I love you so much and just the thought of losing you and my babies hurts me more than a bullet ever could. I'm sorry I didn't call but I was so homesick that I figured it would be easier on both of us if I just kept my distance. I figured the check-ins with Jeff would be enough. I know that’s no excuse but I promise baby I’ll be better.  I love you so so much you have no idea (Y/n). I promise I'll be better for you and for our kids just please don't leave me" he said as he hugged you tighter causing a sob to escape your lips.

"I love you too H" you state in between sobs. You both sat there for a while until you had stopped crying. Cautiously Harry lifted your face to look at him.

"Can I rip up those papers when we get back?" He asked timidly as he stared at you.

You nodded furiously and quickly pulled him into a deep kiss. You pulled away breathless as you lean your forehead against his.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have taken it that far. I should have just waited to talk with you before asking Michal about them and I..." you tried to continue but Harry stopped you with a kiss.

"Shhh we're going to get through this baby” He whispered as he caressed your hair. 

“We need to go to therapy, Harry. This was a big deal and I don’t think we can slip this under the rug and get back to where we were without it” You mumbled into his neck. 

“Of course (Y/n). I’ll go to therapy every day for the next thirty years if it means I get to keep you and my babies with me. I'm going to be better for you and for the kids. I'm going to take you all on tour with me from today on and were going to work through this. Now, why don't we head in it starting to get pretty cold." He stated as carefully helped you up while making sure Becca was wrapped up tightly in her blanket. You snuggled deeper into Harry's side and nodded your head as the two of you walked into the house once more.

Gemma and Michal sat on the couch talking quietly to each other as the tv played in the background They looked up at the two of you cautiously. Harry quickly kissed your head and grabbed Becca before taking her upstairs to bed.

You carefully grabbed one of the four full wine glasses on the coffee table and sat on the love seat next to the fire hoping to warm up a bit. Gemma starred at you as you sat there. You knew she was dying to know what happened outside, but she was too kind to ask.

"I think we're going to be ok" you state as you wrap the blanket closer to your chest. Gemma gets up and gives you a big hug.

“You’re not letting him off the hook are you?” she asked sternly.

“No, he’s not off the hook. We’re going to start therapy and we’re going to take things slow. He said he’s going to be home more and that he’s going to take us on tour with him from now on but we’ll see. One day at a time” you mumbled as you took a sip from your glass

"I'm glad it all worked out but if he hurts you again, family or not, I'll kick his ass. No one disrespects my (Y/n)" she said seriously. You laughed and simply nodded your head as you heard Harry's footsteps down the stairs.

"Thanks for watching Connor," Harry said as he shook Michal's hand and kissed the top of Gemma's head as she made her way to the spot next to her husband.

"Anytime. He is so adorable and quiet" Michal gushed.

You smiled softly and moved over slightly in your seat, making room for Harry. Harry carefully picked you up from the love seat and sat down, placing you on his lap and wrapping his arms tightly around you, burying his head into your neck. 

The four of you spent the rest of the night watching tv quietly as you cuddled in the loveseat, Harry stealing sips from your wine glass as you try your hardest not to fall asleep. After a while, Gemma and Michal said their goodnights and headed up to their room as Harry carefully picked you up and carried you to the guest room. He slowly laid you on the bed and removed all of your clothes except your underwear before taking off his shirt and helping you place your arms in the sleeves. He tucked you into bed and quickly changed into a pair of sweatpants before grabbing a pillow and getting ready to spend the night on the floor. He didn’t want to overstep and end the day on the wrong note but the minute he heard you call his name he smiled. He quickly checked on Becca that was fast asleep in her crib while Connor slept peacefully in the small bed laid out next to your bed. He gave both of them a quick kiss on the cheek before carefully sliding into bed behind you.

 You curled your body into Harry's and sighed contently as he wrapped his arms around you. You heard a faint "I love you, baby, so much" from Harry as you drifted off to sleep. For the first time in months, you were able to sleep through the night and you couldn't be happier.

Wow, it’s been a long time but I hope ya’ll enjoyed this one!!

Masterlist

[bidoldaccount]

Grow As We Go - Five

Word Count: 1,626

ONE ; TWO ; THREE ; FOUR

Read on AO3

Read on Wattpad 

Dean is the father.

After two home visits, a lot of dealings with the court, a matched paternity test, and a lot of sympathetic looks, Dean is biologically, and most important, legally, Jack's father.

Dean kisses Cas hard when everything is done, and they both kiss Jack's cheeks. Bobby gives Dean two weeks off of work, and Cas is only in school for another week before spring break, so they spend their time cooped up in the apartment, getting to know themselves as parents. Getting to know Jack, Jack getting to know them.

"You are killing this whole tummy time thing, dude, absolutely shredding it. Look at me, look at daddy," Dean smiled, tilting his head as Jack tried looking up. He smiled when he saw Dean, his knees wriggling like he was trying to go for Dean.

Dean is the best at playtime, they find. He does the best car noises, he does a killer Elmo impression, and he can make Jack smile by simply raising his eyebrows.

Castiel is better with stories and sleepy time. He'll lay Jack on his chest, skin to skin, and breathe as evenly as he can while reading a book. Jack goes instantly still when Cas starts to speak, like a switch goes off and he's boneless. Dean watches in amazement most nights, when Jack is fussy and hates everything and doesn't like skin to skin contact with Dean, he'll go quiet in Castiel's arms, just rest against his skin and breathe.

Two nights before Dean has to go back to work and Cas has to go back to teaching, they sit down in the living room while Jack sleeps in his crib. Dean places his head in his hands and he's crying but Castiel isn't sure why. Cas sits behind him for a while, just laying his head on Deans back, waiting paitently until he's ready to share.

"This is so unfair to you." That is not what Castiel would have expected, but he doesn't let his surprise show. "A baby shows up on my door step and suddenly you have to co-parent with a guy you've only been with for a year. I can't imagine how hard this must be for you. I probably made you feel pressured to stay with me, God, Cas," Dean pulls at his hair as he tried to soften his cries. Cas picks his head up and looks towards Dean with furrowed eyebrows.

"What? Dean, if I didn't want to be here then I wouldn't be. I don't feel pressured to stay, I'm staying because I love you," Castiel said.

"But what if I change. Parenthood changes people, doesn't it? What if it makes me someone that you don't like. Someone that you'd rather not be with? I'm not going to have any time between working and Jack, how am I supposed to be a good boyfriend while trying to be a father?" Dean hiccups, his chest tight.

"Hey, honey, look at me," Cas only pulls out that nickname on special occasions, so Dean glances up rather quick. Cas scoots over so that he's sitting at Deans side. He brings his hand up to wipe away the tear tracks on Dean's cheeks. "I love you, okay?" He whispered softly. "I love you as a boyfriend and I'll love you as Jack's father. You don't have to be alone to be a good father and you don't have to be childless to be a good boyfriend. We're going to figure it out, because that's what people do when they have kids. They change and they grow, but they don't have to do it alone," Cas shakes his head, wiping away more tears.

"I'm so scared, Cas. What if I mess something up? With you or with Jack? What if I screw him up?" Dean whispers.

"Screwing up is apart of the deal. A little trauma never hurt nobody," Dean laughs wetly. "Kidding, but seriously, parents make mistakes, it's apart of the process. For what it's worth," Cas leaned his chin on Dean's shoulder, his forehead at his temple. "You're doing a great job and I think you're an amazing father." Dean closed his eyes and dropped his chin to his chest.

"I'm so happy you're here, Cas," he said.

"I wouldn't want to be anywhere else." Dean cries a little bit more, then Cas decided that their pity party is over. He grabs two sodas from the fridge, and sets out a piece of paper on the coffee table between them.

"Okay, I have to be at school by 7 and the latest I leave is 3:30, so if you drop Jack off at daycare before work, that puts him there from 10 to 4, that's 6 hours, with $15 an hour, we'll be looking at roughly $450 a week. It might be slightly lower because we have a fixed schedule and I get out early on Wednesday's, but that's a rough guess."

"I already have a headache," Dean grumbled.

"I've already calculated what we pay in rent, electricity and utilities, also factoring in Jack's necessities, a monthly food budget, daycare, our Netflix subscription, estimated gas expenses, our phone bills, etc. This is what we're looking at left over," Cas slides the paper to Dean and Deans eyes widen.

"Wait, are you serious? I thought it would be a lot less," he said.

"You make good money at the garage on top of what you earn from consulting, and I earn a good amount from teaching and translating," Castiel said.

"Wow, I guess I just never paid attention to it before," Dean said, still staring at the paper.

"We've never been hurting for money," Cas shrugged.

"Then why are we living in this shitty one bedroom?" Dean asked.

"Because then Jack would have been left on the doorstep of someone else's home while we were in a cozy two bedroom?" Cas shrugged.

"Ha. Ha," Dean rolled his eyes. " I'm serious though, do you think we should move? We can certainly afford at least a two bedroom," Dean said.

"I mean, I thought about it even before Jack but I thought it was too soon, now that he's here though, we could use the space," Cas said.

"Okay, next on the list, find forever home," Dean widened his eyes dramatically. Cas huffed a laugh, rolling his eyes.

"A forever home might have to wait a few years," he said.

Castiel was right, as he always is. Before Jack turns seven months, they sign a lease for a two bedroom apartment. Dean has an anxiety attack on their first night because he's afraid they won't wake up if Jack cries. It took Cas an hour to talk him into bed, and twenty minutes to make him stop trying to get out. Dean wakes up at 6am and he startles, flying out of bed to make sure Jack didn't hurt himself through the night. When he busts into his room, Jack is still soundly sleeping and Castiel shakes his head with a fond smile.

When Jack turns three, Dean stumbles upon a cheap house in a good neighborhood. It was nearly run into the ground because of foundation issues, no one wanted it, and the couple was desperate to sell. It took very little convincing from Cas to purchase. Dean tore the entire house down and started from scratch. It was almost nine months before Dean allowed Cas and Jack inside of the shell of their home, pointing out rooms and different features. Cas had cried the first time he saw it.

It was shortly after Jack turned four that they officially moved into the house. Two stories, painted a soft yellow that was easy on the eyes, blue shutters, a white picket fence. A very spacious garage. Cas pointed out everything that Jack helped pick out, like the granite countertops, and the wallpaper in the hallway.

"Do you like it?" Dean asked nervously once Jack was sound asleep in his new bedroom, the walls a soft blue with a space theme. He wrapped his arms around Cas' waist as they stood in the foyer, the living room the right, the stairs to the left, kitchen directly ahead. Cas leaned his head back with a furrow in his brow.

"No, I hate it, I want a home that my amazing boyfriend didn't build," he rolled his eyes as he turned in Deans arms. "Are you kidding?" He wrapped his arms around Dean's shoulders and kissed him softly. "I love it. You did such an amazing job, I can't believe you built this," he whispered.

"You and Jack deserved a home," Dean shrugged as he stepped away, hands in his pockets. "You deserve the world for being so incredibly amazing and supportive all these years," Castiel gasped as Dean lowered himself onto one knee, pulling a small velvet box from his pajama pants. "As I was building this house for you and Jack, I thought a lot about our life together. I thought about when Jack would get so calm by just laying on your chest, and the way you cried on his first day of school, and our first date when you spent twenty minutes talking about bees. I can't imagine my life without you, without you being right there next to me, so, Castiel Novak, will you marry me?" Castiel breathed out shakily as he nodded.

"Yes," he pulled Dean back up to his feet, grabbed the front of his shirt, and smashed their lips together. Dean couldn't stop smiling as he slipped the ring onto Castiel's finger.

"I love you so much," Dean said with a bright smile.

"I love you too," Cas sniffed as he pulled Dean into him, hugging him tightly.

[shiemishuzenji]

100 OC Question Meme!

created by marchenvillain <3

Your Wings edition: Shiemi Shuzenji!

1. What’s a unique skill they have? Is their any reason why they can do it? Shiemi can harness the power of the sun in order to heal wounds. Her Quirk is a mixture of her mother’s (who can bend light) and grandmother’s (who can heal wounds). 

2. What are their favourite possessions? Why? (sentimentality, history, price, etc) The necklace that Hawks gave her is very important to her. She sees it like a symbol of their love. 

3. Do they get jealous easily? If so, what usually causes it? She gets insecure, but she never acts on her jealousy. Often times, if women fawn over Hawks, she gets all up in her feels.

4. Are they a good gift-giver? What do they tend to give as gifts? She’s more of a practical gift giver. She pays attention to what someone really needs and she’ll get it for them.

5. What’s their reputation like? Does this reputation contrast what they’re really like? People (especially when she worked in the hospital) hail her as a good doctor but one with little to no social skills. She’s quiet, so a lot of people think she’s mean. Others, like her old boss, like her polite and respectable nature. 

6. Do they prefer to have a big social circle, or a few close friends? Definitely a few close friends. She’s content with Aizawa, Kayama, and Mic. 

7. What’s their “type”? What romantically attracts them to another person? Men who are confident! If one looks at her track record, her old boyfriends in high school were all jocks who loved the limelight. Hawks is cocky, but a lot of that haughtiness is a facade. She loves that he knows how to tone it down and come back to Earth. 

8. What does their dream house look like? She’s a simple woman: a modern white home with a huge lawn for a garden. She’s always wanted to plant sunflowers. I’m a huge horror fan, so for some reason, I’m envisioning the villa from The Human Centipede… Just the outside! eheh... is that weird?

9. If they could change one part of their appearance, what would it be? Shiemi is actually very lithe; her mother says she’s got no meat on her bones. She would love to bulk up! Also, her cup size is a B. She would change that, too, if she could.

10. What’s a simple thing that brings them joy? Well, Shiemi’s love language is acts of service. It really warms her heart when people help do things with or for her!

11. What is their dream pet? A cat! A fluffy white one. Maybe Aizawa had some influence on her? ❤️

12. What’s their position in their friend group? (leader, mom friend, chaos goblin, etc) The voice of reason. She likes to have practical fun! She’s not as rigid as Aizawa, but nowhere near as wild as Mic.

13. How forgiving are they? What do they consider unforgivable? Shiemi is definitely forgiving, so much so that it is sometimes her downfall. However, she believes there is no excuse for villainy.

14. Who do they go to in a crisis/emergency? Any particular reason why they choose that person? Hmmm, it’s funny because most people go to her in an emergency since she’s got that nifty healing Quirk haha! Shiemi has plenty of people to depend on like Midnight or Recovery Girl, but Hawks is the one she always turns to when she needs saving.

15. How good are they at conversation? Are they a small talk master, bad at initiating, etc? The only person she likes to make small talk with is Hawks, really. She’s not much a talker, and prefers to let others do the talking. This is why she and Aizawa click so well because they both can appreciate silence.

16. What food do they absolutely hate? She actually doesn’t care for greasy foods. Pizza, for example, upsets her tummy. 

17. Do they show a lot of affection, or are they pretty reserved? She’s not into PDA, but she loves to be held and kissed. When she’s sad, she almost always needs a hug. ❤️

18. If you had to represent them with a flower, colour, and animal, what would you choose? I feel like she’s more of a white lily, which I hear symbolizes humility and devotion. Her color would be blush pink, for her more timid nature and her affinity for that color. As for an animal, I think she’d be a snowshoe hare!

19. What’s their unusual quirk? (Quirk with a lowercase q, haha) Shiemi has always had very strong intrusive thoughts, and I’ve made this obvious from the first chapter. I based this on my own struggle with intrusive thoughts, so Shiemi and I can relate on the issue of fighting our inner voices to be better people.

20. Are they easy to wake up in the morning, or grouchy and sleepy? She’s an early bird! Very easy to wake up in the morning.

21. What’s their ideal date like? She loves night walks on the beach followed a busy night of makin’ love ;)

22. What’s their silliest or most unusual fear/phobia? Probably spiders. She’s not the type to scream when she sees one, but if it’s big and hairy, she’ll leave the room.

23. Is their pain tolerance high or low? Pretty low, all things considering. She knows how to fight, she just doesn’t like to because she can’t really handle her own.

24. Are they a fussy eater? Nope! She’ll try just about anything. She understands the importance of eating healthy, so she makes sure to eat her veggies every day. (Unlike me…)

25. What are their dreams like? As the writer, I’ve always made her dreams symbolic. They often reflect her true feelings or the things on her mind.

26. Are they technologically savvy? Yes! Working in the hospital, she’s a quick learner, and working in the hospital, she’s had to learn how to use all the equipment.

27. Are they forgetful? What do they tend to forget? (plans, phone, keys, etc) No, she tries to be very organized. The most that she forgets would be if she’s got a lot of work to do, she might forget one assignment.

28. Describe their morning routine. Open the curtains first (she needs sunlight), drink black coffee, watch the news, take a shower. Suuuper adult of her, I know. She’s a creature of habit!

29. Are they a good cook? If they are, what do they like to make? She’s an okay cook. Certainly not as good as Hawks! She can make basic food, but a lot of it lacks flavor -- something Hawks has had to teach her.

30. Do they consider themselves a “hero” or “villain”? Hero! Definitely. She’ll heal anyone in need, but she works for the heroes, on the side of good.

31. What holiday do they like the most? (Christmas, Easter, Valentine’s Day, etc) Christmas. It’s the one time of year she gets to spend with her whole family. Even though tensions are high, she still loves her family more than anything.

32. What are they like at parties? Party animal, or awkwardly sitting in the corner drinking punch and reading? She’s the wallflower. She’d rather grab a bite to eat and sit back, people-watching.

33. Are they adventurous, or do they prefer to stay in their safe zone? She prefers to live life on the safe side. Though life with Hawks definitely makes things exciting!

34. What’s their favourite drink? (Coffee, tea, juice, hot chocolate, soda, etc) She loves coffee; preferably black coffee. Her go-to drink at Starbucks is a venti black cold brew or a cappuccino.

35. Are they good with children? Yes! Her serene nature tends to calm kids down. She especially used to love healing kids at the hospital.

36. Do they trust easily? What would you have to do to earn their trust? She’s normally very wary of people. She automatically has her guard up when approached by someone new, but honestly it doesn’t take much for her to let down her guard. For example, she was cautious of Twice when she met him, but once she saw that he and Mr. Compress needed help, she immediately dropped everything to help. Blame her big heart, I guess!

37. Are they a hopeless romantic, or is that stuff just not for them? God, YES!! When she first met Hawks, she tried to act all tough, but she’s such a SAP! In her relationships, she devotes everything to her significant other.

38. Do they get lost easily, or are they good with directions? Nah, she’s great with directions. She tries to have a good understanding of her surroundings.

39. Are they superstitious? She doesn’t believe in superstitions; she’s more of a woman of science.

40. Do they like physical activity, or staying inside? She enjoys a bit of both. She especially likes to go for walks, but doesn’t mind spending the whole day inside reading a book.

41. What would they dress up as for Halloween? A zombie nurse -- and I mean that in the laziest way possible. She would put on her uniform and paint her face and call it a day haha

42. Do they like fast food, or fancy restaurants? Fancy restaurants, for sure. She’s a bit of a snob. She’ll eat fast food if she’s on the go, but she grew up in the lap of luxury, and really enjoys the finer things in life.

43. Are they a chaotic bastard, pure angel baby, or tired mom friend? Pure angel baby. SHIEMI MUST BE PROTECTED AT ALL COSTS.

44. Do they have a good attention span? Yes, especially when it comes to her friends. She’ll sit there and listen to someone talk for hours.

45. Are they always late, on time, or early? Shiemi thinks that if you’re not 15 minutes early, then you’re late.

46. Do they cry, gasp, laugh, etc, while reading a book, or do they remain relatively stone-faced? Stone-faced. She might furrow her brow if she’s into it, but she’s more internal with her reactions.

47. Do they keep a diary? She stopped carrying a diary when she was a teenager and her parents read through it without her permission.

48. How dramatic are they? She’s not haha She cries easily, but that’s just because she feels very deeply.

49. Do they put a lot of effort into their appearance, or do they just make themselves presentable and go? She’s comfortable with her looks, so she mostly curls her bangs and thinks it good to go.

50. Why would they be a good partner for a road trip? She would be president of the backseat! Delivering snacks, giving directions, listening to you talk and talk for hours!

51. Why would they be a BAD partner for a road trip? She’s not much for small talk. If it gets quiet, she’ll let it happen and whip out a book.

52. What topic should nobody bring up around them, lest the other person be subject to a massive ramble/rant? Anything bashing on heroes, or criticizing hero society. She’s so deep in it that she’s blinded to its flaws. She’ll defend Heroes till the day she dies.

53. Are they clumsy? No, she’s too cautious!

54. Are they a law breaker, or stickler for rules? Stickler for the rules. Not as bad as Iida hahaha but she doesn’t do anything she’s not supposed to. Blame her strict upbringing!

55. Choose a vine you think perfectly encapsulates their character. I LOVE THIS QUESTION! I feel like she’s: “Road work ahead? Uh, yeah, I sure hope it does >:( ” or “Is there anything better than pussy? Yes, a really good book.” OOH, OR “How do you know what’s good for me? THAT’S MY OPINION!!”

56. Do they like to share? Yes, my girl is very giving  ❤️

57. What’s the most chaotic thing they’ve done? Have sex with a bird man she just healed the night before :U Shiemi has a high sex drive

58. Which friend do they immediately become a zero-braincelled idiot around? She gets all smitten around Hawks tbh She can compose herself around everyone except for him. Then she’s just a puddle of GOO

59. Do they love or hate surprises? She does not like surprises! They make her uncomfortable and awkward.

60. What sappy thing will they cry at? (romance movies, cute cat videos, etc) Would they deny crying about it later on? She’ll cry during sad movies, but she’s stopped being ashamed of being a crybaby

61. What’s their favourite and least favourite subject in school? Health and science are her best subjects, but her favorite was literature! Her least favorite was probably physical education just because it took her away from the books!

62. Do they take a lot of photos? If so, what of? She prefers professional photos; her camera roll is practically empty!

63. Do they wear makeup? Blush, mascara, foundation, but she only ever wears makeup for special occasions.

64. Describe what their social media would be like. Instagram: “NO PHOTOS” but plenty of tagged photos from Mic and Midnight. Facebook: articles on social issues or new medical breakthroughs.

65. Do they give people a lot of nicknames? No, she doesn’t, actually! 

66. What nicknames do others call them by? She thinks it’s sweet when people give nicknames to her -- e.g. “Doc,” “songbird,” or “sunshine.” Side note: I was really into Yagami Yato when I first started writing, so of course Hawks calls her “Baby bird.” And now I really regret not being more original because goddamn... I’m not gonna go back and change it because Yagami doesn’t own the nickname, but just know that I am upset

67. What’s an outrageous story about them nobody believes? Uhh, that’s a great question. I can’t think of anything, to be honest.

68. Are they easy to fluster? What would you have to do to truly fluster them? Yes! Despite being so cool, calm, and collected, it’s easy to make her blush. Hawks is a pro at getting her all worked up!

69. What’s their dream vacation like? She dreams of traveling, preferably somewhere along the Caribbean islands where she can bask in the sun and discover new plants and creatures.

70. Are they a good liar? She is a notoriously bad liar, mostly because it eats her away inside. She can make a lie work if she commits to it enough, but she’ll always come out with it eventually.

71. What do they want to do in the future? She wants a family. She’s always wanted to be a working woman and come home after a long day to her family. She wishes that a certain someone would be a stay-at-home dad...

72. How do they feel about love? Again, she’s a hopeless romantic. She believes in having strong bonds with both family and friends, but she does dedicate most of her energy into her romantic relationship. 

73. Are they more book smarts, or street smarts? oh my god, BOOK SMARTS. She wouldn’t last a day on her own out there, but man she could recite a whole scene from Shakespeare if you asked her to.

74. What’s their guilty pleasure? Sex. She doesn’t come off as promiscuous, but she would get some every day if she could.

75. Is there anyone they consider their rival? No, in fact Shiemi tends to keep to herself. She’s respectful and supportive of everyone. She does  have enemies, of course, like Dabi or Mr. Compress.

76. Do they have any notable physical features? Her eyes are described as gray, but they’re more purplish-gray. 

77. What’s their music taste like? Classical music takes up most of the space on her phone; Joe Hisaishi is a composer that she admires a lot.

78. What’s something they’re really bad at? Keeping her opinions to herself. She’s brutally honest, to a fault. 

79. Do they have a good sleep schedule? Yesss, her whole life runs on a schedule!

80. What’s their aesthetic sense like? Oh, I’m not sure how to answer this? 

81. What’s something they’re really proud of? Her degrees and awards make her feel accomplished. She has a hard time seeing her worth, but the diplomas on her wall are proof, to her, of what she can do. 

82. How would they spend a free day? In bed, reading a book, snuggled up beside Hawks  ❤️

83. What are they like as an s/o? Lowkey, kind of clingy. She loves attention and wants to spend all her time with her significant other, doting on them, making them feel good.

84. What’s one thing they like that they don’t want anyone to know about? Her sex drive (> w >);;

85. Do they have a sweet tooth? She doesn’t; she’s more of a savory or salty person. I actually really like this dichotomy between Hawks and Shiemi, for some reason? The fact that she takes her coffee black and he takes his sweet is kind of nice.

86. How would you describe their fashion sense? I once had a beautiful professor at university who only wore maxi skirts and nice blouses. Her fashion sense inspired my vision of Shiemi a lot. If she’s not wearing her hero uniform, you can find her in a pink maxi skirt and a white blouse.

87. Do they like spicy food? She can definitely handle her spice, but she wouldn’t choose it!

88. Are they lucky? Do they believe in luck? By all means, she has the worst luck! Can’t say that she believes in it, though.

89. What would they get into a petty argument over? Shiemi stands her ground on her opinions, but she’s more or less an agreeable person. She doesn’t like to argue or cause tension, but she will if it means standing up for herself.

90. Are they a good artist? She can’t draw and she’s got that doctor handwriting lmao

91. Do they prefer hot or cold weather? Hot! Shiemi’s Quirk is most powerful if she’s in direct sunlight. When the sun is behind the clouds, it takes more energy and time for her to heal someone. Despite all that time in the sun, the poor woman can’t tan!

92. Can they play an instrument? Her parents made her play piano when she was a child, but she doesn’t dabble in it anymore.

93. What type of movies do they like to watch? Romance and mysteries! Her favorite movie is Titanic. She cries every time!

94. What does their room look like? Neat and organized. She’s got a lot of bookshelves in her room and a nice set up for her computer space.

95. How do they feel about bugs? Scared? Fascinated? She’s fascinated by bugs, but from a distance. She won’t touch ‘em!

96. What’s their sense of humour like? (Dad jokes, morbid humour, basic knock-knock jokes, stand up comedy, etc) She laughs really hard at stand up comedy. Since she’s a little more serious, she can appreciate how goofy Hawks is!

97. What do they keep in their bag? Cell phone, earbuds, portable charger, folding scissors for emergencies, Band-Aids, and if she’s not wearing it, she’ll fold up her lab coat and put it in there, too.

98. How competitive are they? She’s only competitive with herself. She doesn’t have to be the best, but she can’t stand being the worst. (I’m the same way.)

99. What would they wear to a formal event? Describe their outfit! She actually wore that beautiful red dress in chapter 10! If you Google “Elizabeth Banks Vanity Fair 2020” it’ll pop up. 

100. If you, the creator, met them, would you two get along? Yes! I think that it’s impossible for any author/creator to make a character without at least adding some personal elements in them. Shiemi isn’t a self-insert, but she and I share a love of reading and we’re both overachievers. So I think she and I would make great friends!

[amphtaminedreams]

Paris Haute Couture Week S/S 2020 Plus a Little Jacquemus: Okay, Dior DID Suck (Part 2/2)

Hi to anyone reading,

First of all, thank you! I have never had a post do as well as the part 1 of my haute couture week review did and I am so overwhelmed with the positive feedback. This is probably funny to read for those of you getting thousands of reblogs on your posts, me acting like I won an academy award because I got a couple of hundred, but honestly I don’t expect any traction when I write on here (it’s basically just me word vomiting everything I’m thinking as if people want to hear it aka. mouthing off into what I thought was the void) so if you did read it, thank you! I do spend a long-ass time on these so it means a lot:-)

I’ll leave the self-indulgent ramble there though as it’s probably not what you came for and jump straight into part 2 of my thoughts, starting with Jacquemus. Yeah, I knew what I was doing when I tagged that in my last post. Simon Porte Jacquemus is the man of the *fashion* people right now; I’ve even found myself coming round to the Le Chiquito bag despite my original thought being “well, that’s fucking useless”. I know, I know, technically it’s not haute couture; it was part of Men’s Fashion Week, but it happened around the same time and everyone was talking about it on Twitter, so I feel like I have to include it.

In a way, it kind of reminds me of Bottega Veneta’s last RTW show, in that, especially with the women’s outfits, we seem to be sticking with simple, fitted garments and chunky, more statement jewellery. I’ve got to say I like the styling here a lot more though, and in general I’m a fan of this collection. The collared tops with cut outs underneath blazers are cool and I can’t wait until it gets warm enough for me to not feel dumb wearing my headscarfs like this; there’s a LOT of summer outfit inspiration. It’s not a mind-blowing collection or anything but it is effortlessly sexy and that’s something I wish I could say about myself. Most of us can only hope to look half as good as these models do whilst making the effort but at least Jacquemus is aspirational, lol. 

I also fucking adore this colour palette. I’m sick of neutrals literally just meaning brown and white; the navy, sand and muted khaki is a fresh edition to what is usually interpreted as the colours you’d seen worn by Disney’s Riverboat Cruise staff and only Disney’s Riverboat Cruise staff. And I mean, come on-what is more neutral than typical English school carpet blue.

Next for the whole reason I had to make this haute couture week review 2 separate posts: Jean Paul Gaultier’s final show.

In the best way possible, it’s a lot. I don’t even really know where to start, except to say that I guess this is a fitting last show; a celebration of everything campy, messy, weird, performative, and punk is the perfect send off for a brand whose best known perfume of the last few years is called Scandal. More than anything, the final show represented the range of characters and cultures that have influenced JPG throughout his half-a-decade-long career, the lines that supposedly separate what is “masculine” and “feminine”, “old” and “young” and ultimately art and fashion blurred in the most exaggerated way possible. Sure, there are some looks which are individually a bit messy here but the way they were grouped into almost chapter-like segments meant that when you see them all together, they work. Nods to the patterns and structures that recurred from season to season were sprinkled throughout, from sailor stripes to corsets to the expected whirlwinds of colour. I’ll even allow the wellies in that one outfit; if I can get over bucket hats in Peter fucking Pilotto’s last RTW show, I can get over some questionable shoes here. Middle aged fishermen and boys who liked to pose with monster carp in their Tinder pictures as some weird display of masculinity everywhere rejoice.

Now onto a show that I personally found slightly disappointing: Margiela.

I think this one is a bit TOO weird for me. Like if you’re gonna go avant-garde, go all out. Chiffon gimp masks (I don’t know if that’s the intention here but that’s what I’m getting, sorry Maison) are something I’m not particularly fond of and I’ve never been a fan of the Tabi boots in the first place, let alone when they’ve seemingly been blown up to Michelin man style proportions. I didn’t find the show to be a total lost cause-I enjoyed the colour palette and I’ve always liked that contrast stitching detail, plus the bowler hats are interesting-but on the whole considering how much I liked the last RTW show, this is a bit of a let down. 

The looks I included are salvageable but (I feel mean saying this) there were genuinely a lot of pieces that did just resemble bits of fabric draped over each over with no discernible rhyme or reason, so much so that they reminded me of some of the monstrosities I saw at a Drag Race pub quiz this one time where we had 5 mins to make some garms out of loo roll and then have a team member model them for points down a makeshift runway. 

Ralph and Russo was alright. There were a few pieces that I really liked but again, I can’t help but compare this collection to the last, where it felt like the fussy details of bows and sequins and feathers and the Barbie Dreamhouse palette were utilised with a direction in mind. Here, I don’t get that. As ever, the gowns are gorgeous and I’d pay good money just to try one on for five minutes but as an overall collection I’d say there was a lack of higher vision, which is probably the snobbiest sentence I’ve ever written so forgive me.

As for Ronald Van Der Kemp, I could’ve done without including it to be honest, if it weren’t for the few pieces I’m in love with: the velvet cape, fur trimmed jacket and blue satin dress are probably my favourite pieces here.

So onto a collection I liked a lot more: Schiaparelli. 

The influence of nature from flowers in bloom to insects to the organic structure of the human skeleton is as present as ever, though this collection includes a lot more delicate symbolism than usual. Honestly, the details make it for me; the brooches, earrings and facial jewellery are other-worldly touches to outfits that could otherwise be simple fashion magazine editor on-the-go. That’s not in itself a bad thing! The suits are gorgeous. I mean, I’m talking fashion editor in New York in a power suit yelling orders down the phone while she rushes along with a coffee. A Miranda Priestley in the making type woman. THAT’S a modern take on the divine feminine that Maria Grazia should’ve been going for; our goddesses aren’t women who sit around looking pretty (though that helps too) and place curses on mere mortals anymore, they’re women who get shit done. 

With regards to Valentino, which was also a delight, let me start by saying this colour palette is EVERYTHING. It’s ugly sisters in Cinderella fantastic, and we know those 2 were the real fashion icons really. Other than that, I adore the Old Hollywood silhouettes from the gloves to the Liz Taylor-in-Cleopatra-level-dramatic earrings. Everything is opulent and expensive-looking and pretty much what we’ve all come to expect from Valentino. A strong 8/10.

For me personally, Viktor and Rolf was a standout and one of my favourite collections of haute couture week. It’s not going to be everyone’s cup of tea and I know it’s at the complete opposite end of the spectrum to what was probably my other favourite collection, Elie Saab, but this is just my style down to a T, the perfect balance of grungy and cutesy that I want to achieve. 

There’s probably going to be a lot of objections to the temporary face tattoos and I get that, but I think they’re fucking sick. I obviously wouldn’t get a permanent one lest my mother murder me in cold blood however if I did, you bet I would be pairing them with frilly-ass babydoll dresses that you could pick up in Camden Market like this. 

And last but not least (that would be Dior), there’s Zuhair Murad.

Sigh.

IDK, man. Seeing Zuhair Murad dresses on Tumblr and WeHeartIt (remember that site? It still exists!) as a 14 year old was one of the things that got me into fashion, so it sucks that almost every time a new collection comes around, I feel underwhelmed. Disappointingly, the brand hasn’t really progressed all that much since 2013. It goes without saying that the stoning and the embroidery and sequins are stunning and would make anyone feel like a princess but from a critical point of view, I’m just not seeing anything new here. Whereas I feel like Elie Saab, for example, reflected the growing fascination with East Asian fashion and recognition of the supremacy of the region’s street style in his haute couture last collection, Zuhair Murad seems to be stuck designing the same dresses he was 6 years ago. 

To pick one example, the rounded stoned necklines are so outdated that they’ve been making their way onto department store prom dresses for years. I get that it’s supposed to be a reference to Ancient Egyptian style and I respect that, I was one of those 8 year old that was obsessed with mummies and the “Curse of Tutankhamun”, but couldn’t it be done in a more interesting way? It’s Maria Grazia’s spin on Ancient Greece all over again. Now I get how how the I imagine very niche subsection of people who are into fashion and Julius Caesar (okay, so I don’t even know if they still believed in mythology and all that malarky at that point in history but just roll with my comparison here) might’ve felt going through Vogue Runway. Anyway, I hate to end on a critical note and so be clear, these are still absolutely magnificent dresses. If we ignore those ugly round necklines, that is.

So that’s it for this post! If you read part 1 and 2, I hope you enjoyed it! As always, let me know your opinions and feel free to disagree. I’m literally just about to start trawling through all the A/W 2020 RTW collections though I imagine that’s gonna take me way longer to do than this, so I wouldn’t expect that for a month or two. In the meantime, I’m trying to fit shooting a Euphoria-inspired lookbook into my days off work which is looking atm like it’s going to be the end of March, so look out for that, and also a review of the red carpet fashion from this season’s award shows. 

As ever, thank you so much for reading and again, thank you for the reception on part 1 if you were one of the people that read it. It makes staying up til 3am with the jitters seem worthwhile, lol! 

Lauren x

[rosesvioletshardy]

life as we know it - b.h. chapter 14

chapter 14 is finally here! this time it’s in the readers pov sort of. sorry these chapters are taking forever to update my english class is kicking my ass and i don’t end until the end of the month

I have at least two chapters planned left also i decided not to post the other version of chapter 13 seeing that it won’t fit into what i have planned for the story. i am working on making a billy / 6 underground fic if y’all are interested in it 

also this isn’t edited so

sorry that this chapter is terrible

masterlist

summary: when their two best friends die, it’s up to ben y/n to care of their goddaughter and face the challenges with it

# of words: 1,521 (shorter than last chapter sorry)

warnings: angst

taglist: @myfatbottomedgirls , @evemarie05 , @suckerfor-fanfics, @lilharms , @youngpastafanmug

inbox me or message me if you want to be added to the taglist for the series

--

December 23, 2017 1:28 am

y/n couldn’t sleep. she kept tossing and turning on the air mattress tyler and kira had provided her as she made sure charlie had a better place to sleep on the bed in their guest room. she knew what she was doing was wrong and that she had lied to lucy and herself. she had told them of her situation and they had agreed that she was stupid for leaving, kira more or less, agreed with her but still thought it was wrong for what she did but didn’t judge not knowing the entirety of the situation. they still offered to let her stay until she left for california in a day. it also meant that she couldn’t leave the house without having to hide herself in case she ran into someone she knew. the one thing she was also worried about was whether or not ben was going to meet them there. Letting out a defeated sigh, she got out of bed and went into the kitchen to make herself tea. she was used to tyler’s house so she still knew where everything was from when her, him, and lennon all used to live together before they managed to live all on their own or started dating someone.

“tyler why do you still keep your mugs so high up? I don’t even know how kira manages to get them” she said to herself having to climb the counter to get one

after managing to get a mug, she turned on the kettle and went back to go check on charlie and grab her phone. when she entered the room she saw charlie still peacefully sleeping and the suitcase with their clothes and supplies for california. grabbing her phone and heading back to the kitchen, y/n had seen that ben had left more messages for her a little before she left rather than leaving more voicemails after 10 missed calls.

ben 

Hey, i might come home late tonight but i was hoping we could get some takeout and talk?

ben

hello?

ben

it’s okay you don’t have to answer. i’ll see you soon :)

she felt guilty and rude for having to ignore him when he was trying to be nice and make amends in a way for them to be together again and she hated herself for it. she wasn’t listening to her heart and only was listening to her head. y/n drank her tea in silence as she started to hear charlie stir in her sleep meaning she was going to wake soon. Charlie was her main priority at the moment and was thinking about how she was going to react when they went on to the plane for the first time. walking back to their room, she saw her starting to wake up. it was rare that charlie would wake up in the middle of the night especially since she was getting older, but y/n figured it was because she was getting bigger. 

Walking into the room, after thanking god for making the couple heavy sleepers. y/n saw the tears streaming down her face and she sat up and quickly went over to her. Scooping her up, she tried to soothe the toddler. she was swaying back and forth and trying to shush her in a calming tone

“c’mon charlie baby, it’s okay” she whispered to her kissing her temple

Charlie didn’t stop, she continued to cry and grab onto her as she almost began to start crying. when she was with ben she knew what to do and how to soothe charlie but now she feels like she’s giving up on almost everything. Trying to shush her and console her, y/n remembered the one thing that soothed charlie when she became fussy. Queen. She still remembers the first day ben had sang to her and since then, they had sang her a variety of songs and now it seemed like it was her favorite band, but ben was soon to get her to listen to Led Zeppelin as she gets older. she took a deep breath and closed her eyes, before opening them back up and singing

“Love of my life, you’ve hurt me

You’ve broken my heart and now you leave me

Love of my life, can’t you see?

Bring it back, bring it back

Don’t take it away from, because you don’t know

What it means to me”

she didn’t know why she decided to sing the song when she was the one who hurt him. She’s not playing the victim and never would. she knew her mistakes and knew that she was the one who hurt him. charlie fell back asleep in y/n’s arms and she couldn’t help but lay back and look through her phone and see all the memories all three of them had together. the best one was from them celebrating Gwilym's birthday. it was one of her favorite days as ben got a little too drunk and mistook one of the guys for her and almost kissed them even though she was right next to him. as soon as another video of ben came up, the volume was a little too loud this time causing charlie to wake up again. her eyes adjusted to the screen as y/n tried to turn the volume down 

“dada”

this shocked her. she had never called either her and ben “mama” or “dada” and she didn’t know what to do. She didn’t want charlie to think of them as her real parents and had talked to ben as to when it is going to be appropriate for them to tell her who her real parents were and thought it would be best to do it when she is older and has a more clear understanding.

“yeah, that’s your dada. you know he really loves you and would give up everything in the world just to protect you. he loves you more than anything and i was stupid enough to hurt him. it doesn’t mean you aren’t going to see him but you should know that we’ll make sure that you’ll be cared and loved for.” y/n whispered

“Hopefully by the morning, i’ll have some sense knocked into me and we’ll go back to him before seeing grandma and grandpa.”

she put charlie back to sleep and stayed with her for the rest of the night while thinking about why she didn’t just stay, why she had to be a coward and run away and take one of the things that truly made ben happy away from him.

the next morning, y/n and charlie walked out to see tyler and kira with breakfast already prepared while drinking coffee. They gave her a look with sad eyes and all she could do was shake her head. She knew what they had already were saying and they knew she wouldn’t listen. It broke their heart to see one of their friends in pain even if it was their fault and they were trying to be as supportive as possible without bulging into her private life that much. The only thing that y/n didn’t know is that they had given ben her flight information as to what day and time she was going to be leaving. Tyler knew it was wrong but even though he didn’t know ben that well he still knew how much he meant to her and how in love they were with each other. Kira at first thought it was wrong that he did it but then warmed up and knew it was going to help them reconnect. They were hoping that somehow ben would come through and run to the run to heathrow dramatically and that they’ll apologize.

“Morning.”

“Morning” y/n replied back putting charlie on the couch so she could go get her breakfast ready

“how are you feeling? we heard some talking last night.” tyler asked her

“i’m fine, just charlie was crying and i was comforting her.”

“Is this because-”

“Yes and no. i really don’t feel like talking about it if you guys don’t mind”

“yeah, no problem. Hey, just to make sure you leave at 11 am tomorrow, right and it’s nonstop?” tyler asked as kira gave him a glare

“Yeah, why?”

“No reason, just wanted to make sure.” tyler said darting his eyes away from her 

y/n looked at him suspiciously wondering why he was asking her and what he has planned 

“Okay weirdo. i’m going to take charlie for a walk later and check in on the shop. Don’t worry i’ll hide myself.” she told them as she wiped charlie’s face

y/n almost had ran into ben that day during her walk while he was walking charlie. she had managed to get into her shop before it started to rain, checking the orders one more time before tyler since he was staying in london, gave them to the respected customers. Ben thought he was hallucinating or couldn’t tell it was the rain blurring his eyes but all he knew was that he saw someone who looked like her with a child.

[rinnnyxr]

Goth worn black lipstick? dyed your hair black? worn a black leather jacket? smoked a cigarette? shaved part of your head? gotten a mohawk? gotten a lip piercing? worn black boots? shopped at Hot Topic?  wrote an emo song or poem? worn a plaid skirt? gotten a tattoo? wanted a tattoo? 6/14

Girly had a little dog? gotten a manicure? straightened your hair? owned a designer purse? worn pink lipstick? worn pink nail polish? worn mascara? gotten a free makeover? worn high heels? worn a mini skirt? been to Paris? screamed upon seeing a spider?  worn expensive perfume? shopped in New York?

8/14

Nerdy played Dungeons and Dragons? been to a gaming convention? worn tape around your glasses? worn a plaid shirt? worn suspenders? solved math equations just for fun? enjoyed playing with a calculator? stuck a pen behind your ear? broke your nose? pulled a door that said "push" or vice versa? been on the honor roll? read a graphic novel? dressed up as an anime character? worn thick black-rimmed glasses? 8/14

Preppy worn "in" clothes? done your hair like everybody else, in the "in" way? dressed in the "in" style? been a teacher's favorite student? gotten straight A's in a class? enjoyed school? worn a button-up shirt? worn a sweater vest? been in a clique? started a rumor? spread a rumor? had a high school crush? passed notes in class? worn knee-high socks? 10/14

Hippie owned a lava lamp? tie-dyed something? owned a dream catcher? worn a peace sign necklace? made a peace sign with your hands? been a nature lover? gone camping? slept under the stars? considered yourself spiritual? considered yourself unconventional? smoked weed? enjoyed art class? enjoyed creative writing? walked barefoot through the grass? 6/14

Redneck/Hillbilly lived on a farm? driven a tractor to school? listened to country music and enjoyed it? worn cowboy boots? danced at a ho-down? worn a cowboy hat? showed animals at a county fair? been in 4H? milked a cow? ridden a horse? driven a tractor? lived in the country? sat on a hay bail? plucked a chicken's feathers? 2/14

Band Geek been to band camp? played an instrument? been a section leader? liked football games only because of the band?

1/5

Religious been to church camp? been baptized? read the Bible? been to church? worn a WWJD bracelet? been on a missions trip? been to Sunday school? been to an Easter service? been to a Christmas service?

2/9

Bohemian considered yourself spiritual? enjoyed making art? enjoyed creative writing? written a song or poem or story? enjoyed dancing? enjoyed signing? enjoyed making music? considered yourself a dancer, singing, musician, artist, writer or designer worn something long and flowy? had long hair? believed in peace, freedom, and love? painted something? been to a rennessaince faire? played a tambourine? liked fairies? had long, wavy hair? had dreadlocks? worn a dream catcher necklace? worn something with fringe? owned a crocheted blanket? considered yourself a nature lover? walked barefoot in the summer? sang songs around a campfire? been to a music festival?

15/24

Jock been on a sports team? ran a mile? worn a sports jersey? ran a 5k? had a favorite sports team? been to professional sports game? watched the Super Bowl for the actual game itself? been to a Super Bowl party?

4/8

Trendsetter worn something, and then someone liked it and bought the same thing? started doing something, and others followed you or copied you? gotten compliments on the way you dress? been told you are unique? worn something just because you liked it? started a fad or a trend at school? stood out from the crowd? won a costume contest? collected clippings from fashion magazines? enjoyed putting outfits together? 6/10

-

Aries You love adventure. You are very energetic. Confident and enthusiastic. You're sharp and quick minded. Passionate. You can be self-centered at times. You are quick tempered. Impulsive. Procrastinator. You take unnecessary risks. Total: 7

Taurus Reliable. You have lots of patience. You are very determined. Your mind is very secured. It's easy for you to become jealous. You can be resentful. You can become greedy at times. You are rigid. You want to go in the business industry. You are extremely faithful. Total: 5

Gemini You are very versatile. You like changes. You are talkative. You seem to be very quick-witted. You're pretty smart. You would consider yourself to be polite. Energetic. You are very inconsistent. Prone to nervousness. Cunning. Total: 4

Cancer You are very loving. Emotional. Very sensitive. You're very nurturing. You have an active imagination. It's not hard for you to be sympathetic. Very indecisive. Clingy. Over-emotional. You are very moody. Total: 9

Leo You are generous. Warmhearted. You believe you're pretty creative. You tend to be bossy at times. Very outgoing. You make sure you are 100% faithful. You are intolerant. You interfere a lot. You are a loving person. Open minded. Total: 5

Virgo You are very modest. You have the tendency to be shy. Reliable. You are practical. Intelligent. You are very fussy. You tend to worry. You can be overcritical at times. Perfectionist. You are conservative. Total: 7

Libra Romantic and charming. You are very easygoing and sociable. You're an idealist. Very caring. You get told that you are talented. You enjoy change. You are flirtatious. You have a short temper. Daydreaming is one of your hobbies. Gullible. Total: 4

Scorpio You are determined. Emotional. You are powerful and passionate. You are easily liked. Patient. You are loyal. Generous. You become jealous easily. You tend to be secretive. You have strong sexual desires. Total: 5

Sagittarius You are optimistic. You love your freedom. You are very honest. Adventurous. You are careless. Tendency to be irresponsible. You become depressed easily. You are restless. You take those around you for granted. You care about the environment. Total: 4

Capricorn You are very cautious. Reserved. Very ambitious. You stay cool under pressure. Others say you are funny. You are pessimistic. You don't show your sensitivity to others. You are sometimes selfish. Hold onto grudges. You have great patience. Total: 4

Aquarius You are friendly. Humanitarian. You are lively. Honest and loyal. You crave to be different. You are independent. Unpredictable. You are chaotic. Rebellious. You tend to be unemotional. Total: 2

Pisces You are imaginative. You are very sensitive. You are emotionally weak. Artistic. You are idealistic. You tend to be careless. You are easily confused. You are sometimes immoral. Receptive to new thinking. Impractical. Total: 6

You are: Cancer (irl I am Virgo).

-

I know how to cook toast. I can do my own laundry. I can cook for myself. I actually enjoy intellectual conversations. Total so far = 4

I show up for school all of the time unless I'm sick. I always carry a pen in my pocket/purse. I've never gotten a detention. I've watched talk shows. I drink coffee/tea at least once a week. Total so far = 7

I know how to run the dish washer and/or do the dishes. I can count to 5 in either Spanish/French /German/Italian/etc. When I say I'm going to do something I always do it. I can mow the lawn. I remember to water my plants. I study when I HAVE to. I pay attention at school most of the time. Total so far = 10

I can spell experience without looking it up. I can go to the store without getting something I don't need. I always understand jokes the first time they are said. I can type fast Total so far = 14

I have realized that the weather forecast changes every hour. I realize that no one will take you seriously unless you are over the age of 20 and have a job.  I can read a book and actually finish it. Total so far = 16

I knew that the alphabet and twinkle twinkle little star have the same rhythm. You just checked. You actually watch the weather. total = 17

-

1. Geek/Nerd You wear glasses You sometimes put a pencil/pen in your ear You are very awkward You say things that no one really understands Your shoe size is over 10 You play a lot of online gaming You think your hair looks strange  TOTAL: 3

2. Jock You have beefy arms  You don't mind dressing in front of some people You are quite a show-off You sometimes bully people around You charge in to deal with problems head-on You wear your team color(s) even in your spare time Conflict can be in your nature sometimes TOTAL: 1

3. Gamer You can be very prone to anger You can think of 10 good reasons why video games are good for you  It drives you crazy when someone holds the disks like this You know what the terms "squeaker", "camper", and "spawn-trapper" mean You've owned more than one game console/hand-held device in your life You agree that the most difficult of games came from 90's Nintendo You take a side in the battle between the Call of Duty and Battlefield franchises  TOTAL: 3

4. Emo You deny that you're emo, even when people tell you You have said "I'm just me" You once had a phase where you wanted to be the next Tim Burton [or still are] You wear dark eyeliner, even if it's only on special occasions You have some form of material possession with black and white stripes You've been to Warped Tour You like the taste of Monster Energy, or you hate the taste but drink it anyway TOTAL: 3

5. Goth You genuinely read Edgar Allan Poe in your spare time You drink coffee You've sworn revenge on people who've wronged you You get pissed when people mistaken you for an emo You listen to 80's post-punk [If yes, immediately give yourself 2 points for actually being a musically cultured Goth.]  You've actually frightened people before You think ravens are cool  TOTAL: 3

6. Rock Junkie You've been in a band before, or are still in a band You can name some actual garage bands You can play Guitar Hero You get overly excited when you hear a rock song in public You claim that "Nickelback killed the rock scene" Dave Grohl is the savior of the rock scene You know how easy it is to lose guitar picks TOTAL: 1

7. Punk You are very bias on whether blink-182 is punk or not You've used safety pins as apparel before You have or had a Mohawk or wanted one at some point in your life You hate MTV, and you know the one song dissing it You think The Ramones are underrated You've shouted "Sellout!" before You've been to an ACTUAL pit TOTAL: 0

8. Metalhead You at least know the basics to playing guitar You also enjoy classic rock You pretty much like every and any form of rock music You let your hair grow You hate bad pop music You really love to play Guitar Hero You play your music at max volume TOTAL: 4

9. Surfer You live in the West coast, or wish you did  You wear a Hawaiian shirt You like to get up early You hate tourist season You listen to the Beach Boys or The Police You know who Dick Dale is You like to say Dude, even to females TOTAL: 2

10. Gangsta You use the N word, even if it's to yourself You are streetwise You wear a cap backwards You can rap hell as good Your father or grandfather swears as much as you do You want to stop to eat every time you see a nice restaurant You can run fast, even when carrying something  TOTAL: 0

11. Cholo You're a fan of Scarface You like to say "Orale" You like hearing Oldies [ditto if they make you cry] You shop at a swap meet instead of a Mall You eat at actual Mexican restaurants You always carry a neckerchief around Carne Asada is the bomb TOTAL: 0

12. Asian Your parents have forced you to learn a musical instrument before You name your goldfish Everyone assumes you're Chinese or Japanese You watch Anime and/or read Manga You always wanted to move to Tokyo and/or wanted to learn Japanese  You can use chopsticks Your parents expect straight A's TOTAL:  4

13. Hipster You really just don't give a f**k what people say You still write letters You like being ironic You listen to Frank Sinatra You like vintage You miss the good ol' days and can look past its flaws You really do spend lots of time dressing and claim to have just "thrown it on" TOTAL: 3

14. Afterburner [Me and my friend Alec have formed this subculture. Basically we're the opposite of hipsters in that we like it after it's cool. Things that are old but not old enough to be considered retro. Take a look.] You admire the technology of the 90s You still listen to the Jonas Brothers You still use a Walkman [portable CD player] You still use Windows XP  You still use a Gameboy Advance SP Disney 2-D Animated movies in the 2000s actually were memorable for you These facts shock you, especially when you add an extra 3 years. TOTAL: 1

15. Greaser You like Rockabilly and/or vocal music You snap your finger to upbeat songs You can be very charming at times You want to be like Elvis You like to comb your hair back You have a leather jacket You hate it when people touch your hair TOTAL: 2

16. Hippie You hate authority You are generally very gentle You're a vegetarian Lava lamps are cool You've smoked something once in your life You respect the classics You're sometimes too lazy to finish a sentence TOTAL: 3

You are: Metalhead & Asian

[nostalgiaispeace]

1950.

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? i think i do a good mix

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? no

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? i use bookmarks

4: how do you take your coffee/tea? coffee = sugar. tea = sugar and honey

5: are you self-conscious of your smile? yeah

6: do you keep plants? no

7: do you name your plants? -

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? poetry

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? sure

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? side

11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends? idk

12: what’s your favorite planet? earth

13: what’s something that made you smile today? my husband

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? idk...bookish

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! no.

16: what’s your favorite pasta dish? pesto

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? blonde

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. idk

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? sometimes

20: what’s your favorite eye color? blue

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. it is a lana del rey tote.

22: are you a morning person? no

23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? tumblr, watching a movie or reading

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? yeah

25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into? not my thing

26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit? idk

27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor? peppermint

28: sunrise or sunset? sunset

29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? idk

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? yeah

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. i’m not a fan anymore; sure; no; no

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. we went to bed

33: what’s your fave pastry? i’m not really a pastry person

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? it’s a frog; nanny; a frog; yes

35: do you like stationery and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? sure; no

36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now? none

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean? i don’t really care tbh

38: tell us about your pet peeves! leaving out dirty dishes

39: what color do you wear the most? black

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you? it’s my wedding band, yes

41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving? troubled blood

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! no

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? idk

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? yesterday

45: do you trust your instincts a lot? sure

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of. no

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe? sushi

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? loved ones dying, yes

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? yes; AA like a house on fire

50: what’s an odd thing you collect? nothing odd

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? helpless

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? idk

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? yes, no, yes, yes, i like them fien

54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? idk

55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point? idk

56: what are some things you find endearing in people? idk

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? no, it makes me happy tho

58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? idk

59: what’s your favorite myth? idk

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? yeah sure. i like emily dickinson and lana’s

61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received? idk

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? no

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? music yes books no. no

64: what color is the sky where you are right now? blue

65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with? jordan

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? idk

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? peaceful actually

68: what’s winter like where you live? COLD

69: what are your favorite board games? Life

70: have you ever used a ouija board? no

71: what’s your favorite kind of tea? chamomile

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it? yes

73: what are some of your worst habits? biting my nails i guess

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. no

75: tell us about your pets! she’s my baby

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t? yeah

77: pink or yellow lemonade? pink

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? neither

79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? idk

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? off white, no

81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. nooooo

82: are/were you good in school? yeah

83: what’s some of your favorite album art? idk

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? not really

85: do you read comics? what are your faves? i have, the umbrella academy

86: do you like concept albums? which ones? sure

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? not sure

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? idk

89: are you close to your parents? my mom

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. no

91: where do you plan on traveling this year? no where

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? drowns it

93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most? bun

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? my dad

95: what are your plans for this weekend? chill

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? depends on my mood

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? idk, capricorn, hufflepuff

98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? idk not my thing

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. no

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? back.

[boobear-harold]

I was tagged by @sunflowrhaz to answer a few questions that dig a little deeper. thank you love <3

1. Do you prefer writing with a black pen or a blue pen?

don’t really care but prob black

2. Would you prefer to live in the country or in the city?

Country. I’ve lived in the bush all my life - although I would love it if I lived closer to a big city.

3. If you could learn a new skill, what would it be?

Piano (i know like the right hand of one song), and I spent a year studying Italian and dont remember anything from it so I would like to actually be fluent.

4. do you drink your tea/coffee with sugar?

I only drink black tea(with milk) and I have 2 sugars. I do have pretty big mugs though

5. What was your favourite book as a child?

the harry potter series, and then probably the Eragon series or the Wings series. do not get me started on just how badly they did the Eragon movie though

6. Do you prefer baths or showers?

showers tbh

7. If you could be a mythical creature, which one would you be?

a mermaid or a faerie, I was obsessed with both as a kid

8. Paper or electronic books?

Defffinitely paper. Theres just something about the smell and the feel <3

9. What is your favourite item of clothing?

😬 i have an overflowing wardrobe... maybe the Spell dress I treated myself to, or my denim jacket, or one of my maxi dresses idk idk

10. Do you like your name? Would you like to change it?

as a kid i always wanted my middle name to be my name... like i started calling myself that and everything sdskfjhlksfk but now no not really. I like my name (although it is annoying that there is a brand with the same name)

11. Who is a mentor to you?

my mum 💕 she’s an absolute legend

12. Would you like to be famous? If so, what for?

I wouldn’t mind if like my art or the things I made were famous but like me actually famous myself? noooooo thank you i’ll pass

13. Are you a restless sleeper?

lmao no i remember once my dad apologised for using the chainsaw near my bedroom window and i was like ??? I didn’t hear it at all.

14. Do you consider yourself to be a romantic person?

very much so but I feel like other people don’t think I am

15. Which element best represents you?

i am an earth sign but would probably pick water

16. Who do you want to be closer to?

i miss seeing my siblings as much as i did when we were kids, and i miss my friends from high school so much... we never see each other anymore

17. Do you miss someone at the moment?

yeah

18. Tell us about an early childhood memory.

most of my childhood memories include horseriding or swimming at the beach or river

19. What is the strangest thing you have eaten?

tbh i’m pretty fussy. Oh! actually I had kangaroo once in primary school when we had this like ‘indigenous culture education’ thing. Do not remember what it tastes like at all

20. What are you most thankful for?

i was going to say the same thing so I’m just going to leave your answer there lol 

my family, my health, the beautiful country i live in, the friends i have made on here 💛so many things

21. Do you like spicy food?

not in the slightest. I dont even like pepper on my food

22. Have you ever met someone famous?

depends on what kind of famous we’re talking lol i’ve met a couple of mildly well known aussie bands, a politician, an athlete that carried the 2000 olympic torch through my town, but nobody like really famous

23. Do you keep a diary or journal?

i dont use it as much anymore but from like mid teens until a few years ago i used one a lot. It was the best feeling to just like write everything i felt like i couldn’t/shouldn’t say but i guess i dont need it so much anymore

24. Do you prefer to use pen or pencil?

pen

25. What is your star sign?

capricorn sun, aries moon, aquarius rising

26. Do you like your cereal crunchy or soggy?

i haven’t eaten cereal in years but its gotta be crunchy. are there actually people who like soggy cereal lmao

27. What would you want your legacy to be?

this sounds so cheesy but I just wanna be someone people are comfortable to be around

28. Do you like reading? What was the last book you read?

do i like breathing? my first memory of books is having fairytale books stacked like 30cm+ high on the end of my bed when I was like 4/5. I just finished The Lost Book of the White and am currently reading Midnight Sun(dont judge me i needed to know what it was like)

29. How do you show someone you love them?

i’m definitely a show not tell kind of person. hugs, doing a task they don’t like doing so that they dont have to do it, hugs, gifts, hugs, 

30. Do you like ice in your drinks?

sometimes

31. What are you afraid of?

losing my family, never travelling, not doing anything with my life

32. What is your favourite scent?

jasmine, rain, freesias, books, roses, my mums perfume, 

33. Do you address older people by their name or surname?

calling anyone by their surname is not really a thing where i’m from (unless it gets turned into a nickname)

34. If money was not a factor, how would you live your life?

travelling a lot, secretly paying off peoples debts, handing out money to strangers, I would just travel and try to make peoples lives easier

35. Do you prefer swimming in pools or the ocean?

100% pool. I always feel like a plant that someone poured salt on after i’ve swam at the beach

36. What would you do if you found $50 on the ground

keep it unless i could figure out who’s it was

37. Have you ever seen a shooting star? Did you make a wish?

i’ve seen a few :) and yes

38. What is one thing you would want to teach your children?

i don’t think i want kids, but if I had them probably just to be kind, tolerant and not to judge to quickly, and definitely to use common sense

39. If you had to have a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it?

hmmm definitely something small, probably ~aesthetic~ artsy or some symbol that means something to me. I’d get it wrist, above or below my elbow (inner), or maybe ankle. I’ve actually always wanted an infinity symbol on the side of my ring finger

40. What can you hear right now?

my fan and my cat yawning

41. Where do you feel the safest?

at home, probably in my bed reading or smth

42. What is one thing you want to overcome/conquer?

procrastination, self-doubt, anxiety

43. If you could travel back to any era, what would it be?

i’m always thinking fashion when it comes to history so probably some where from 1850s - 1920s england/france. or like 1600s france.

44. What is your most used emoji?

😂💖🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️

45. Describe yourself using one word.

creative... or stubborn, or kind idk

46. What do you regret the most?

... not trying. But there’s always time to change that I guess :)

47. Last movie you saw?

dont remember... i’ve been watching a lot of tv

48. Last tv show you watched?

currently watching Hart of Dixie

49. Invent a word and its meaning

solgim - the sparkly feeling when you have a crush on someone

i tag: @weareonejazzhand @queerlydestructive @sunsetlarry @feellikearainbow @babygater @fuckingniall @sunflower-vol14 @oneandonlyhl @softcoeurs @heyangel @louisteapot @proudandexcited only if you feel like it <3 also if i didnt tag you and you want to please do and tag me 

[kesleyjo]

Get to know me :)

 I saw this shared by the lovely @earthlaughsinflowersblog who opened the tagging to anyone...and since I don’t really do a lot of these things, I figured I would force you all to learn things about me. Muhahahaha.

1. what is the color of your hairbrush? I have two green (for when my hair is wet) and wooden (for when my hair is dry). My hair is a wild animal.

2. a food you will never eat? Rocky Mountain Oysters. Enjoy the googling.

3. are you typically too warm or too cold? I run warm. I like to keep the temp cool in my home...friends complain.

4. what were you doing 45 minutes ago?  Talking with my mom on the phone.

5. what’s your favourite candy bar? Snickers

6. have you ever been to a professional sports game? Many. I actually am a big sports fan, and I am lucky to live in a city with very nice venues. Its a fun time.

7. what is the last thing you said out loud? "Lola knock it off.” Lola is my cat. She was scratching the carpet on the stairs. This happens frequently

8. what is your favourite ice cream? Either I add boxed cake mix to vanilla ice cream for cake batter ice cream, or I go for pistachio or mint chip

9. what was the last thing you had to drink? raspberry lemonade gatorade

10. do you like your wallet? Very much, I’ve had it for over 10 years, and its still my fave. Its navy and green...my two favorite colors.

11. what is the last thing you ate? Nachos.

12. did you buy any new clothes last weekend? no, I probably need to replace a lot of closet though...

13. what’s the last sporting event you watched? Football last night, and I’m about to watch football again. Hey, I said I liked sports lol.

14. what is your favorite flavor of popcorn? kettle corn

15. who is the last person you sent a text message to? Mom? I think?

16. ever been camping? Yes, but not for a long time, my family is not big on camping

17. do you take vitamins? Magnesium and B6

18. do you regularly attend a place of worship? No.

19. do you have a tan? I do, and I keep it even in the winter

20. do you prefer Chinese or pizza? Oh jeez...I am very much a mood person...so right now I would say Chinese...but that will probably change in an hour...

21. do you drink your soda through a straw? I do not drink pop. And yes I call it pop.

22. what color socks do you usually wear? I work from home now so I rarely wear socks, but I have some blue and white knit slippers I wear around my house all the time.

23. do you ever drive above the speed limit? *Laughs very very loud* Yes.

24. what terrifies you? Being in situations I do not know how to handle and moths. Also not being able to escape.

25. look to your left, what do you see? my work computer.

26. what chore do you hate most? As previously mentioned my hair is terrifying and I also have a cat so cleaning the floors is like a daily odious task.

27. what do you think of when you hear an Australian accent? One of my friends from high school whose whole family was from Australia.

28. what’s your favorite soda? Not a pop person...but I do drink ginger ale on airplanes.

29. do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? I don’t eat fast food, although I order delivery a lot

30. what’s your favourite number? 2, 11, 12, and 7

31. who’s the last person you talked to? My mom

32. favorite meat? Salmon

33. last song you listened to? No idea...music is always just on in the background

34. last book you read? some generic romance novel with a name like Only You or Waiting for Her or something like that. Last book title I remember reading was The Shining (not the best social distancing books folks)

35. favorite day of the week? Thursday. No reason, I just like it.

36. can you say the alphabet backwards? If I concentrate really really hard

37. how do you like your coffee? black. its not fussy and its fewer calories.

38. favorite pair of shoes? BOOTS.

39. time you normally get up? 6:30ish

40. which do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets? Sunsets, though I appreciate morning air a lot.

41. how many blankets are on your bed? I have one throw over my comforter.

42. describe your kitchen plates? Purple and black...I love them.

43. describe your kitchen at the moment: CLEAN. (for once)

44. do you have a favorite alcoholic drink? red wine or whisky

45. do you play cards? Yes! My family is a big fan of pinochle, up and down the river, and golf.

46. what color is your car? Dark blue and caked on dirt.

47. can you change a tire? Nope. I wish I did though!

48. your favorite state or province? Besides my own, I really like visiting Washington state.

49. favorite job you’ve had? strawberry picker. It was my first job when I was 14 and I got to bring home a crate of fresh strawberries every night...

How fun...if you follow me (or even if you don’t) I would love to know more about you! Give it a go!

[velvetsehun]

writing quiz/interview!

i wasn’t tagged but i’m doing it anyway because you can’t stop me 

1. what is your ideal setting for focusing on your writing?

ideally at my desk since its where i have everything i need (plus my google home is there for when i need music), or i actually like to sit on the floor and write at my coffee table with my headphones on - i do listen to music when i write but then i’m really concentrating i have to switch it to something that has no words otherwise i get my thoughts all jumbled up! 

2. what is your favourite genre to write?

i’m a film student so i’m sorta well versed in a lot of genres, i treat my fics like i’m writing a movie (is that weird?) so i really get into the genres i write, but if i had to pick a fave genre id actually say horror or even suspense fiction, i like gothic romanticism and fantasy as well lmao. 

3. do you prefer to write on paper, or digitally?

both - i jot down ideas/small paragraphs of stories on paper and transfer them, or i write just into a word doc, i’m not too fussy.

4. it’s the middle of the night and you suddenly wake up with an idea. what do you do?

short hand it into my evernote and pray to god that i remember it in the morning - i have to really be passionate about it to actually get out of bed to write it down!

my short hand is messy but it makes sense to me.

5. who is your favourite person to write about?

im a ff writer, i have been for a very long time (not on this blog) but since im writing kpop ff atm and i have an undying love for my exo bias, imma go with sehun - its just so easy to write for him and i have such a respect for him that everything just flows. 

I sorta mould my writing to whoever i’m writing however, i just to make sure my fics (at least characterwise) don’t sound tonally all the same. 

6. do you like making your own characters, or do you usually write about real people?

although atm i’m writing kpop ff, i have in the past made many a character and i have a very long process into how i do it, maybe ill share one day.

But, I like both, but i do enjoy the work that goes into making a character, but tbh - when you write kpop ff you’re not really writing about a real person (unless stated), you build a character around an existing human and it still works!

7. have you ever written a book, or a story with more than 15 chapters (or 100k words)?

In the past i’ve written nearly 100k but that was when i was still a teenager and didn’t put the most work into my stories. 

I’m trying to write a book and i’m writing a ff thats about to be 20 chapters lmao, i’m over 65k into born to die and its only chapter 6 so i can only imagine what it’ll be on by the time i get to chapter 20 since i at minimum write 11k a chapter! 

8. how often do you get ideas?

i’m having one rn as i type. 

i get ideas all the time, i’m very influenced by my environment - from the places i’m in to even what i’m listening to, i draw ideas from it! 

i also am a sucker for getting ideas from media that i intake! i’m an avid reader and movie watcher but i’m also pretty big into gaming and have been since i was a teenager! 

9. do you ever get an idea that you really like, but just can’t seem to finish?

All the time, sometimes the direction you go for just isn’t feasible for a story or it ends up being a bit lacklustre but i do have a few shelved ideas that just wont get finished for various reasons.  

10. what is your least favourite plot?

Huh, of my own? it would be one of my shelved idea’s 

of other peoples? its harder to say, I’m very picky so i don’t just read anything not matter how desperate I am to read something

11. tag 5 or more people

uh.. anyone can do this, i hate tagging