#coherent koi here

[chichikoi]

NOOOO IT'S UNFAIR THAT YOU STILL DON'T HAVE YOUR MAN‼️‼️So so sorry to hear that Koi! (Especially because I literally got his C1 on Nahida's banner 😭 He was supposed to be yours!!)

-💜

PURPLE HEART, HOW WELL TIMED THIS ASK IS. DID U SEE THE LIVESTREAM. DID U SEE !! HES COMING HOME SOON PURPLE HEARTTTT HES COMING SOON HES ON THE FUCKING WAY BESTIE WAHDFKVEDJOBG FUCK OH MY GOD I CANT BE HALF ASSED TO BE SWEET AND COHERENT BECAUSE DILUC IS COMING THE FUCK OHOMEEEEE FUCKING FIAYL

[tumblingxelian]

How does RWBY's worldbuilding hold up for you?

Ooh fun question, and one I can answer in a short amount of time!

Long story short, yeah it holds up quite well, I don't need to make any significant leaps in logic or desperately headcanon things to compensate the way I might with some other settings.

For instance most super hero settings don't hold up to scrutiny, or present themselves consistently/coherently once they starts whipping out the more ridiculous sci-fi tech and or magic.

This isn't to say its perfect, nothing is, or that there aren't more details I'd like to see explored or various minor nitpicks I could probably pull out if I felt so inclined.

But as it is, I don't, but its not because I just love the series.

See, as much as I love world building, I do think it gets too easily used as a cudgel by bad faith critics.

Let's be real here, even some of the worlds best authors do not have Tolkein's patience to create a whole new language, & I imagine even his stuff raised questions or inconsistencies.

The absence of local languages/accents, them not explaining the praying statues in the V4 trailer don't bug me. Cos their absence is not harming the story.

Meanwhile if there's an inconsistency or question, that too is fine as they are watched enough to avoid any real issues & so I can focus on having a good time.

Hell, let's bring up ATLA, the golden calf for critics who never watched anything else in their lives without asking "Where's the Zuko though?"

Off the cuff & late at night I can name many ATLA world building issues.

The writers one hundred percent do not grasp the philosophical ideas they are trying to espouse, showing a grasp of "Letting go" almost as wrongheaded anti Jedi people.

The origins and nature of bending is inconsistent even just within the first series, being and or coming from education, gifts, blood, spirits, some combination there-of or what have you.

If we jump to Korra the Spirits themselves are weird, initially presented as physical manifestations of a given land, they instead become essentially alien invaders & stuff like the Lion Turtles, Koi, Badger moles & more are just left as ???? Plus again spiritual misunderstanding.

Or heck, one of my biggest gripes ties into the plot as well but would be the introduction of "Bad firebending" and its counterpart "Good Firebending" introduced very late in the game at season 3.

The problem with saying it was meant to be a surprise is we've seen every Bender tap into anger when bending. Toph cracks the ground, Katara broke an iceberg, Aang goes into the Avatar State, ETC.

Anger & fire was only tied to two characters, Zuko during his season 1 lashing out period & Zhao where it was specifically cited as being unique to him and something to exploit.

Worse still, we've seen people happily Firebend, Aang;s issues with Firebending comes from having too much fun, getting careless with it & accidentally burn Katara. & we have seen sad or direction-less Zuko Firebend like a champ before now.

The 'revelation' of "Good Firebending" is the wrong solution to Aang's issue cos it does nothing about fires tendency to burn, & a solution looking for a problem that had to be tailor made for it to fix & did not exist before, Zuko.

The thing is though, while I will happily harp on the last one as part of a greater collection of issues in season 3. The truth is people are not bothered by these things if they watch a show in good faith.

One doesn't even need to like a show to do this, its just part of the deal when watching fictional media that some stuff is not always going to add up perfectly.

What matters is if the writers made it interesting, feel like it fit coherently within the world and kept it consistent enough that it didn't break the story.

Which CRWBY very much do.

They created a wide, vibrant, varied and interesting world, where a multitude of stories could and do take place that can be expanded upon if one wants.

They created and kept consistent its internal logic as best as it can be conveyed to we the audience when the characters also don't know everything.

Above all they used it to tell a interesting and engaging story, where skill & strategy matter so much in combat Where its so easy to believe bandits and criminals can thrive in the wild. Where the introduction of something like the Ever After can actually fit and feel like a revelation rather than break the story!

So yeah, I really enjoy RWBY's world building :)

[adobe-outdesign]

Best toy neopets?

Toy is a newer colour, having been released in 2018 as the runner up of a "new colour" poll (so no UC/styled art to compare in this one). The original toy pet used in the poll, Lenny, seemed to be a good example of what to expect from the colour: plastic parts, bright colors, and maybe one or two minor changes to the anatomy where appropriate.

However, while some toy pets stick to the action-figure formula to varying degrees, some go off in completely different directions by being based on random specific real-world toys. On top of that, some of those pets are based on very specific brands (the iDog, Furbies, etc.) while some are just based on generic classic toy concepts.

This can also lead to problems regarding overlap with other colours; the toy Kougra, Lupe, and Bruce are all effectively just plushie Neopets, albeit in a very different style than the standard plushie colour.

I point this out because I feel like either a colour should be 100% coherent across all species, or it should vary wildly by species. Toy straddles this weird middle ground of being part licensed toys, part generic toys, and part action-figure toys where it simultaneously has coherency and no coherency at all. I feel like the best toy pets are the ones where they stick to the plastic-y look but manage to put a fun species-specific twist on it.

Favorite Species:

Mynci: Speaking of which, the toy Mynci is basically perfect in this respect; it keeps the hard jointed plastic look while also being based off the classic cymbal-playing monkey toy, which fits the 'pet for obvious reasons. The colors also look quite nice, and as an added bonus, the clothes are removable (though I do wish the base removed the out-of-place head hairs).

Gnorbu: This one falls into the "generic IRL toy" category, and while it's not the most coherent thing in terms of the overall colour (I'm hesitant to even think of a piñata as a toy), it's such a fun concept and it looks great. There's a lot of colors used but they're all balanced well, the concept reads super clearly, and the subtle inegration of thigns like the mane are just perfect. My sole nitpick is just that the black outlines on the eye look out of place, and something flatter to match the papier-mâché look would've been nice.

Jetsam: Based off a pool toy, this one kind of plays with the action-figure concept by keeping the plastic idea but not being hard plastic or jointed. It's perfect for a water-based Neopet, and the inflatable plastic is spot-on visually, complete with seams. Only issue with it is the weird handle on the side, which might be a thing with shark pool toys but isn't something I've ever seen in-person.

BONUS: The toy Bori takes a similar route to the Mynci, keeping the hard plastic idea but putting a twist on it by making the back plates into an xylophone, which is a fantastic concept. The multi-colored plates really draw attention to the concept and the rest the palette is a simple yellow with a few blue accents.

The only issue with it, and the reason it's a bonus, is that weird bone in its mouth. According to Jellyneo, it's based off a [checks notes] Toddlerz Toddlin' Tunes Puppy, which is just weird because Bori aren't dogs or even dog-adjacent. What was wrong with just making it a regular non-branded xylophone?

Least Favorite Species:

Koi: I absolutely love the idea of this being a bathtub wind-up toy; however, the problem is that the key, which should be the focal point, is so tiny and hard to see that I only noticed while doing this review that it's even there. Even putting that aside, there's way too many colors going on here, and the addition of stripes over the body is strange and does nothing but clutter the design. It's also strange that the back fin is a solid color and one piece while the tail is lobed and multi-colored; feels like those two should match.

[cosmica-galaxy]

What would your Skibidi toilet Oc’s and mimic’s do if the human ever had a mental breakdown

Camron would panic at first, before bringing you into a firm hug and sitting you both down somewhere. He'll keep you close to himself as he firmly grasps onto you and rubs comforting circles into your back. Don't worry...everything is going to be okay. He's here. DJ would become shocked, but will grasp onto your hands and lead you somewhere a bit more private and try to calm you down. He'll listen to your woes and nod along when you take a moment to breathe. Then, he'll start to play you some calming tunes he dredged up from the depths of his mind to help calm you down. Holding you close to ground you as you hiccup and nuzzle into his body. Take your time...he's got all day and night. Vee would immediately teleport you both to a more private area before he sits you down and holds onto you from behind. Putting your back against his chest while his hands grasp your own tightly. He applies pressure to your abdomen by wrapping his arms around your midsection while holding onto your hands. Keeping you in a firm embrace that surrounds you in a sense of safety. He expected that you may collapse from mental pressure, so he had a plan in mind just in case. Once you're tired enough, he'll take you to bed where you can sleep off your exhaustion. Buddy comes to your aid and pushes you down onto the ground, gently, before laying on top of you with his own body. Applying pressure and purring loudly as his tongue laps against your face in an attempt to calm you down. The moments of sobbing, purring, licking, and gasping slowly come to a stop as he does what he can to calm you down. Once you are back to your more coherent self, he relaxes and stays put. Making sure you're okay before you get up again. Pal embraces you tightly and picks you up in a manner similar to a child. He presses you close to himself as you hiccup and sob into his chest. His poor human friend...he hopes you start to feel better soon. So he'll carry you as long as you need to be embraced, not complaining even once. Not that he would need to, of course. But he also purrs loudly and keeps you pressed against himself until you calm down enough to relax. He'll even take you to your room once you've tired yourself out. Fiend would hurry over and start to immediately purr loudly and rub up against you. Making you lay down as he nuzzles, licks, and purrs against your trembling and sobbing form. He doesn't show his soft side often, but he always will let his guard down for his human friend. They need him more than ever right now...as their mental state must've taken too much stimulation. So, he gets to work on producing much more pleasant things for you to focus on using his psychological abilities. Fields of flowers...raining falling gently down in a forest...a river stream emptying out into a koi fish pond...a beautiful home surrounded by flowers and nature...an ocean at dusk...all of these images flood into the human's mind and their attack slowly starts to subside. At least there is a perk for having these types of abilities. Once the human is calm, he lets them back up and refuses to elaborate on what happened to anyone outside of yourself. He will take this secret to his grave.

[faresong]

with a personal headcanon that Kai has unfinished irezumi, and that it is inevitable for Kazumi to find out about Kai's past in the ytts simulations... here is a small part of a much larger fic!

"I'll take care of him.” Kazumi snaps. “You make sure that—thing doesn't return before then."

Q-taro hesitates by the door, but nods firmly. "Got it. You be careful too now… Just holler if y'need anything."

His throat feels too dry to speak, nor could he begin to trust himself to level his tone at the moment. He simply nods and returns all attention to Kai, weakly curled inward and staining the cot with his bloodied clothes. Although it seemed he was no longer actively bleeding, that brought little relief with how much had pooled beneath him on the sand. Even now, his chest rises only with pained, ragged breaths; pushing himself to survive.

Kazumi hastily removes his ruined uniform to assess the damage—his breath hitches at the sight of a deep burn embedded in Kai’s lower stomach, but he quickly realizes that sight to be an old wound. The flares have begun to sink into the skin, still raw but no longer as vibrant as they must have been when first inflicted. Two old scars cut across his chest, neither having been reopened, yet a fresh one blooms blood against his collarbone where the assault missed his neck. It’d been smeared by the collar of his uniform, but was otherwise no cause for immediate concern; he needed to check where Kai had been struck on his back.

Lifting a knife to cut the excess, Kazumi's own hands begin to quiver despite himself. He takes immense caution in slicing through the rest of the tattered sleeve, allowing the remains of the uniform to drape over the side of the cot so he may now focus on Kai himself. His arms are covered in streaks of blood far worse in appearance alone. Despite being uneasy to leave it be, the bullet impacts on his shoulder weren’t from this incident, so he mustn’t linger. Kazumi sets down a spare comforter against the wall to help prop Kai against; ever careful, he lifts him enough to observe the extent of the wound.

Yet Kazumi's heart stops.

The silence pierces them. Suffocating. Taunting—this is what Kazumi sought out so fervently. Now he can scarcely move. An open wound cuts between his shoulder blades, with blood pouring across his back, but nothing can conceal the daunting irezumi beneath. A koi curls around as if fighting against the crimson's relentless downward current. Smudges of blood destroy the lilies tracing its path, all trailing to the small of his back where the burn wound continued. Nothing untouched by the detail, by the blood, and—

Kazumi drops him. Unable to keep his strength in these trembling hands, he’s then met with a hushed whimper of pain—with it, the wanton reality coldly slaps him:

Kai is hurt.

Beyond the chill in his soul, Kazumi instead burns with guilt. The only impression in the silence remains Kai’s heavy, uncertain breathing and the echo of his unconscious plea. However shakily, he again brings Kai upright and tentatively raises the wet cloth to the blood streaming down his back. Cleansing the wound, yes, but slowly unveiling the tattoo with it. His heartbeat erratically pounds in his ears.

Kazumi methodically wrings and soaks the cloth. His mind won’t pause. It races, all at once unable to process anything worthwhile. Nothing coherent exists between the fear thrumming in his chest, the insistent whisper of betrayal building in his heart:

Kai is a yakuza.

In something as simple as spatial awareness, it's as if anyone nearby steps in a web the moment they arrive; he always was eerily aware of the situation at hand. It was a rarity to see him break composure in any meaningful sense, always a step detached, quick to reevaluate any situation he was given. Utilizing a strategic mind to arrange for weapons against these assailants within the first two weeks of observation was further unsettling; instructing to stab not cut, to disable these machines as one would a human, or otherwise disarm them. Each word was nothing short of calculated. Insistent upon efficiency, perhaps disguised in his phrasing to do as little harm as is necessary. To then witness him fight and do well on assembling these scattered hints of advice over their weeks together was terrifying, yet—

Kai is his friend.

[witch-hazels-musings]

HA Z. EL. EXCUSE ME I AM HERE AFTER FINDING OUT THAT UR ENGAGED FROM TIRED AND IM. OH MY GOD 😭 ok wait coherency has entered the chat. (kind of, not really)

miss bagel, im so happy for you!! and the way you told everyone *sighs* through a diluc fic, the originality. *chefs kiss* i love u and i missed you too much AH. i hope you’re doing super duper well, and once again!! congratulations to the future bride (OHMYGOD WHATEJFJ ARE U SEEING THIS TOO MISS BAGEL?? FUTURE BRIDE that is YOU 😭 WAA?!/@-&/{*]+|) and groom!

i hope bell aka your cat aka lithol goblin mcgee is doing good as well! hugs and kisses to him ❤️

- Koi <3

KOIIIIIII

wiofaeoifnawfioanwefianwefoaiw -- KOI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELLOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG YOU ARE HERE!! YOURE HERE!!! CRYING - THROWING UP - HYSTERICAL T.T 

AAAA - awfia - i’m - hehe yes yes i gots engaged and everything and OF COURSE i’d have it appear in a diluc story mwhwhahahah (as if I’d have any self control not too) -- i can’t believe tired talks about me to you (my heart) thank you Tired! 

friend friend i’ve thought about you so many times, just hoping you are okay and that you are happy because you deserve the best in life, and that you are doing what you love -- i’m so happy to hear from you, this is like a christmas giftttttt 

thank you for the love on the ring - its cool and i wish you could look at it with your eyes so we can squeal about it together T>T 

i miss you, i missed you, and im so happy to see you

 。゜゜(´Ｏ`) ゜゜。

[chaya-mga2022mi5018]

Final Concept / Style Artwork | Establishing Visual Tone and Direction

Here are the final concept artworks all in one page. First, on the big centerpiece, I have set the tone and direction of the project by showing what the golden koi fish would look like in the environment. I included every visual element as mentioned earlier such as the golden koi fish and the golden hues on the water, all except for the golden dragon and the chains of water effect- I will be doing a separate concept art for that later.

I think I was also able to show the golden fish's potential to blend in with the environment well by infusing golden hues onto the water. This has helped balance the visual coherence.

On the right side, I have painted a black and white koi fish in a top-down angle for better understanding, when I start modeling it in 3D. On top of it, in 4 small squares, I also tried to visualize the texture and what the golden hues on the lake would look like.

This concept art helped capture the essence of my animation and establish the main visual elements. Going forward, I will dive into the storyboarding process and figure out the music, timing, compositions, and the shots for the animation.

[jonathankatwhatever]

I was thinking what is there in Speak Now that I’m not seeing, so I took the title song and realized the captivating part is where you draw the resonance between the listener looking at a scene and then being in the scene and having that come back to you. So you make a Triangular. My first thought was actually that it’s why iThings can’t align perfectly with Things: iThings represent perspectives, even a bundle of perspectives because that is an End, while Things have boundaries where 1Space encloses the 0Space of the tObject. That looks either impressive or gibberish. I mean that at the boundary, which we define as the tangible Object, whatever group of perspectives comes in from above mixes across the boundary in the 1Space. This gets a bit hard to grasp, but that is the translation inherent in Dimensional Reduction, the actual processes necessary to translate higher dimensions into ours.

Thus, for example, why we describe photons as Things which contain Objects in the sense they are detected, which is the reduction of process to the level of perception, which sounds really weird (and I hope I’m not veering into someplace wrong), but that reduction enables depth of information with less breakdown. That is, it isn’t encased something that needs to be pulled apart, which is all process.

Touch in 1Space.

I finally was able to watch the video. I can’t make much sense of it, but it speaks to me as when you wake up under a cloud, you go into the 1Space which touches you and me and that transports you into a world in which you are what you are inside you. I forgot you playing in the tub, like it’s you now and you back when. So there’s an enclosure of water defined, which couples to the koi at the End who of course climb the waterfall and become dragons. And him on the screen is projection of the true self, exactly as we’ve been discussing lately.

Just realized my drafts from 2012 and earlier were directly influenced by Speak Now. I even remember that moment when I started focusing on the cadence, which is the z-count from the s-perspective, which is how I identify. And I never realized. I was so focused on thinking about why I didn’t get it that I didn’t see I was getting it by working through the negatives. So when the perfection across layers process hit me, I was able to develop a model based not on belief but on disbelief, by the continuous chasing down of disbelief, across layers of disbeliefs. That’s why they’re called iObjects, after all. This is where a notation exercise is necessary: it’s obvious I mean intangible because belief expresses itself in a chain from intangible to tangible (and in a loop, etc.). So a model of disbelief has to eliminate doubts, which means identitfy as true, and that occurs through Dimensional Reduction, meaning all the counting forms like SBE and fCM define Pathways, and these identify as true to Ends. That means they identify as true to tangible or intangible Ends. Probably need a notation for context here but not right now.

If they identify as true to tangible Ends, then they connect through to tObjects. Thus a tangible End might be a battle among ants. Or as in novels, a moment in time after which everything is altered. Every moment has within it its irrevocability. These tObjects make up Conformal space. A Conformal space is one in which there are 3 basic characters: persistence, consistency, and coherence. Persistence means it continues across whatever analysis period you are looking at, meaning you could say it persists for a few milliseconds or effectively forever, meaning that persistence invokes the Counter for existence and thus the Observer scales up and down with that, meaning Observer links these various Counters of existence together. Consistency is the statement that the Thing within a boundary will express its inner self, and that this segments, meaning the Counter is the depth of expression of the similarity or difference between the inside and the outside. Consistency comes close to coherence, which is defined as that similarity or difference over boundaries. This has the effect of shifting the Counter from external to internal and other way round.

An example: a bad person acts consistently, meaning consistently bad, and acts coherently, meaning these modify each other, and thus segment because they descend in a Triangular from. Think this through: the bad person consistently acts bad by modifying behavior to fit coherently into a larger world. So coherence measures the gap, which means the gap segments. I can see the space getting very complicated as all the pairings that could define such a gap emerge. Like: is the person nuts, a fanatic but not a raving lunatic, what is the person’s context, has the animal been abused, etc. I’m currently seeing videos of abused dogs being killed because it was too much work to fix them. In my head; it’s not something I can turn off.

So, said the detective, it was you all along!

I sometimes laugh at the goofy associations I make in Storyline, but so many of them turn into math that I don’t discard them. One of them hit me a few minutes ago. It came by so fast I started this paragraph, then pushed it to the bottom so I could pick it up when the idea returned: in Storyline from decades ago, ‘the highest z-score ever’. I remember the moment when I saw that, walking away from the Council room, opening up the list of candidates that never were ever going to fit the general strategy group, seeing that, turning around, walking with anger back into the room only to be told that they couldn’t tell me before. I remember watching the table rotate as the different representatives shifted in and out of view. Then I was thinking, I remember driving along Storrow Drive and imitating that tick-tock vocal cadence that wasn’t mechanical but came naturally as a sense arising out of an arrangement. Which of course I attributed to whoever produced the track, when of course it was you shaping it to your ear. I underestimate because iObject.

The method - I have to relax because I kept typing men and it kept correcting to menthol so The menthol meant that the old image of a point expanding to a sphere occurred. I don’t know why I couldn’t see that before. The old image was a point expanding and contracting, and that’s what we’ve described, but with a lot more words and a bunch of drawings and symbols. How does that work? Take an Object, wrap it in what it is Not, meaning the Thing which defines what that Object is Not, which I’ll explain after I let the cat in as: if the Object is Not this Thing, then it’s the other Thing. So is it accurate to say Object is Not or is it better to say Not Thing, which takes us back to the literal first statements written down when we made a roughly rigorous model. Not Thing wins! It’s like the hand called Thing and the intelligence which you can’t see on screen (not going into the Object and thus the actual person).

Hi.

About the cat. He’s feeling a bit betrayed because he’s not being let out until later in the AM. Not after 2 coyotes were in the yard at 6AM, when he’s often outside. His normal reaction is to poop next to my side of the bed, but I’m not the one who lets him out most days. So he doesn’t know what to do. He sulked for a day. Then just now he came in, demanded food, then sniffed at and walked to the door. I really had no choice: I held out the brush and he came trotting over. Got into some deep surface stimulation. Back when he started, he had a few places where his body would resist, but now he’s fully flexible and he loves working his way free from under the brush. That external stimulation to internal response should be tight for cat.

Need a break. Hard to believe we just worked out Conformal Reality as consisting of Conformal Spaces. What is a Conformal Space? Beats me. I’ve been staring at the word for almost a minute and I keep getting it’s a space of Things, not a space of tangible Objects but the space that includes the space in which there are tangible Objects. The cat may help: it’s not that he’s intentionally taking it out on me, but that these are the Pathways which exist for him, same as the way we turn cats into indoor cats by defining their territory as indoors. He just made me add food to a perfectly full bowl. From his perspective, the contract has been altered in a way that he doesn’t like, though he doesn’t think any of those thoughts at all.

So, a Conformal Space is one in which the above attributes apply, which is a way of representing them in existence and process terms. So for example we can argue about whether and to what extent the original Constitution, both the document and the ship, exist, and the processes by which we identify persistence. These are tObjects with rather obvious large iObjects attached. In the ship case, we can then track a process of replacement and thus of mimicry as the ship became a relic. Which means we can describe the ways it persists as a warship or not: has guns, but they’re useless, can’t maneuver, but it’s on the roster and crewed by the Navy.

I need to spend a few hours looking at orders of logic. I don’t know that material except in generalities and I want to be sure my understanding works.

——-

Can I do more now? Not sure. The transitions, the twists and inversions, make sense when approached as solutions to higher dimensional ‘problems’. Gives the concept of references or Easter Eggs their larger meanings. In fact, the meaning of Easter Egg becomes quite a bit clearer, given that it’s a birth, an eruption, a beginning, and it occurs by and through emergence from with its Dimensional Enclosure. I’m seeing a whole lot of video imagery making sense.

I think we’ve managed to locate a way to describe Observer as Counter extracted, meaning along the Counter ideal, along that line drawn through the composition of Irreducibles held over a shared space. That’s even more like Speak Now, closer to the ideas I see there and in the other songs: that there’s an exchange of place and thus of role, including confusions so the places and roles entangle so they can’t be completely pulled apart and organized in the space of the song without imposing an external view, meaning there’s a Counter and an Observer along that line. But what makes this work, and what works in DR and in grid squares, is that these states pend or remain in tension, as Triangular expressions, just as we’ve described over the past few days.

The part that causes doubt is that it’s hard to visualize the Observer line because it’s a composite itself, which means it can flicker through states, can latch on to one perspective and refuse against all evidence to let go, and so on. I can work that out some more, can’t I? Pathways within D4-3Space, if that’s the right notation. The issue isn’t Pathways, but the idea that Pathways connect intangibles, meaning intangible Things and iObjects, which then have some relation to tangible Things and tObjects. So, is that best described as D4-3 or something else? I’m using D4-3 because that orients the perspective of the Pathways as occurring between D3-4 and the Dimensional Enclosure, which itself is a grid squares composite (and a whole complicated lot more). So maybe Pathways within the Dimensional Enclosure, mapped over D4-3Space. That works better.

[kshira]

𝐝𝐚𝐝𝐝𝐲 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐲𝐞𝐚𝐫

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: drunk kazutora? sober kazutora? what’s the difference again?

𝐭𝐰: fem!reader, cursing, mentions of alcohol and smoking, fluffy, angst

𝐰𝐜: 3k

𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞 — 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐢 𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐝𝐚𝐝𝐝𝐲?

kazutora used to really love parties, he always found something interesting whether it be a drink, lips or hands wrapped around his length, he’d never complain—he wasn’t the life of a raging storm of alcohol, cheap weed or devouring eyes but he’d always go home with something quenching his thirst.

but he wonders why now as he’d been offered everything in the book—it didn’t feel like enough, maybe it was because something wasn’t here right now, the only thing that had been invading his mind for the past weeks. kazutora started to feel like a parent and honestly had grown to feel guilty for not being with koi right now instead of here.

“oh, hey baby daddy” baji smirks, sitting down beside kazutora while he plucks the cigarette from his fingers, lighting the stick within seconds—baji exhales watching kazutora lean against the couch, “she’s not here” he whispers, shrugging his shoulders when kazutora looks over at him.

“probably won’t be either” he adds which makes kazutora slump his body further into the leather material. “doesn’t matter, i’m not looking to get back with her. i just want a good relationship for my daughter's sake” he pulls another cigarette from his pack, pressing it to his lips while he engulfs it with a flame.

“you’re a fucking liar, i see the way you look at her plus dude, you haven’t dated anyone since her” baji replies, exhaling a cloud of smoke, rings glimmering in the light while baji taps the stick to his lips. “yeah well she was my first love, it’s hard to get past that but there’s no fucking way we’d ever work out.”

“yeah true, she fucking hates your guts. when she got back from your house i could tell you really pissed her off, going off about your small dick and how much of a asshole you still are” baji laughs out loud, kazutora deadpans to him, “she saw i was texting someone, the one i’ve been fucking around with. i’ve told ‘em all the time to stop calling me baby and shit, i’ve just been using them to release stress, that’s all.”

baji hums back in agreement, shifting in his seat as he props his legs on the table in front of him, “since she won’t be here, let’s get fucking trashed” baji snickers, holding up a bottle of whiskey and as much as kazutora wants to say no—maybe for some time, he could drink all of his worries away.

but be the way the world works you actually have decided to attend the party, asking your mother to keep koi for the night while you got ready and finally headed towards the party—but koi was being a little dramatic so it put you back almost two hours. since the time was later you figured the party would probably died down by the time you arrived—but you were very much wrong.

chifuyu drunkenly answers the door, slurring nonsense while he stumbles around leading you into the living room, he gives you an upside down cup which you kindly decline while you seek out the intense loud noise. baji and kazutora are battling out at a game of beer pong, you don’t even know how they’re both standing at the massive amount of beer cans on the floor by their feet.

“look at that fuckin’ milf! god, when did you get so fucking hot” baji squeals like a school girl running over to you almost snapping your body in half at the vice grip before he’s already mindlessly running to another helpless soul, kazutora lazily smiles back in a daze while you bring your attention over to him. “who’s winning?” you ask kazutora, he blinks slowly before finally gathering a coherent thought.

“m-me? i can't remember honestly” he hiccups, stumbling back but you catch him with your arm, “you’ve drank a lot probably should slow down before you get sick” you whisper to him and kazutora eyes flicker black, “gonna take care of me, mommy?”

your stomach swirls at the remark, oddly enough it’s nowhere near as hot as you imagined but kazutora is so blitzed out of his mind he won’t remember what you could possibly say, “i don’t know, daddy. think you could do the same for me?”

“mh, don’t start calling me daddy that’ll get me hard” he bluntly laughs in your face, the hairs in your nose almost vanish from the faint smell of liquor traced with beer. baji stomps over upset he’s not getting enough attention while he slumps his arms over you and kazutora.

“i gotta tell you a secret, ma” baji loudly whispers in your ear, he giggles right after when kazutora begins blushing. “tora wants to fuck you o-or he loves you—shit, i can’t remember which one” baji sways on his heels while you look over to kazutora physically trying to wiggle out of baji’s grip and practically hide somewhere—anywhere.

“chifuyu wants to see you kei, why don’t you go see what he wants?” you’d been a mother long enough to know how to distract children—it comes in handy, a lot. baji throws a thumbs up before fumbling away, leaving you and kazutora alone—he’s drunk beyond belief but maybe it could be to your advantage.

“which one is it tora?” you tease him, using the nickname only adds to the heat pouring on kazutora’s face and he quickly covers his cheeks with his palms, “neither, don’t need any of that from you” he mumbles, finding his pack of cigarettes while he begins to light one, “have they always called you daddy in bed? or was it before you took that title to heart?”

kazutora could sober up in pretty tough situations but the whiplash of your voice almost shooting his head off had him drunker by the second. “when they’re begging me to make them cum so probably then, yeah” kazutora spits back, lighting the wrong side of his cigarette he just continues to hold it in his hands.

“oh, so you can make them cum now? i know when you fucked me, i had to do all the work” you’re not backing down, it’s like hate sex with you and kazutora—but there’s no sex involved and it doesn’t really feel that great. “you can be a real bitc—mean person, a really mean person sometimes” kazutora corrects himself, turning his nose up at you.

“oh no, go ahead and call me a bitch. you can’t hurt my feelings anymore, i mean you already knocked me up and left me. what’s there to lose now? your precious three inch cock? mommy and daddy issues? or maybe, just maybe you being a fucking coward? yeah, i’ll pass” you don’t understand why the words keep getting more painful the harder you argue with kazutora but he seems to get the point as he grows quiet.

or maybe it’s because all the alcohol has reached it’s limit and he’s bending down to vomit in the floor, right at your feet as he hurls more and more—literally it’s endless and you watch frozen while kazutora looks up at you with nothing but dead, cold eyes “now i really feel like shit” he whispers, throwing himself down on the couch and you really feel like shit too—with the tears rolling down to your chin while kazutora cries silently.

“why are you so heavy?” you struggle to drag kazutora’s body into chifuyu’s spare bedroom, his head tilting backwards as he clings to your side. “i’m so sorry” kazutora sniffles, tightening his grip when you finally throw him on the bed, causing you to topple over on top of him.

“just like old times, let me eat you out” he groans—kazutora has been splitting his personality ever since you convinced him to lay down. going from crying about anything to flirting with you anyway he could, it really was like a quick blow of emotions on every side.

“i’ll go get you some water and medicine” you gently begin to pull from his body but kazutora grips your wrist tugging you back to him, “everybody keeps saying koi looks like me but i don’t see it. she looks like you, she’s so sweet and kind—so beautiful, just like you” kazutora cups your cheek, bleak eyes boring into you, he leans up on his elbows to get even closer to your face.

he’s going to kiss you—you know that’s what kazutora wants more than anything even as a vulnerable ball of emotions he craves your touch and he wants nothing more than to taste you on his lips—your eyes flutter close when you feel his hot breath fans across your lips, gently kazutora presses a soft kiss against your mouth, another one for safe measures before he finally slips his tongue into your mouth.

“okay that’s enough, you’re drunk” you whisper, reeling your head back from kazutora. he slyly smirks at you, “but we’re just getting started, don’t be like that” he leans back in again, struggling to hold his body up on his wobbly limbs while kazutora searches for your mouth, “i’ve missed you so much” he whimpers, trying to pull you harder on him.

“i never stopped thinking about you, i wanted to make it work so bad. i missed so much of koi’s life, i know nothing about her and i’m supposed to be her dad” kazutora begins crying, thick tears dripping down his cheeks, “i should have been a better person and maybe we’d be together now with our daughter.”

“we can talk about this when you're sober, tora. why don’t you rest now?” you avoid the subject entirely, lifting your body off the bed as you tuck the cover over his body, kazutora weakly claws at your hand. “sleep with me, i just want you to hold me” you want to say no so fucking bad—you shouldn’t add more confusing ideas to this strained relationship but at the end of the day kazutora made you weak.

you slip into the bed with him, kazutora raises his arm up for you to lay on his chest, he hugs you close to his side while you look up at him, “your hair is so long, it’s tickling me” you awkwardly shift in his arms, kazutora laughs lowly before reaching over to pull his hair from your body, catching a glimpse of his toned arms flexing.

“i’m starting to sober up, wanna..?” kazutora grins at you, whining when you try to move away from his arms, “i’m kidding, i’m kidding, this is all i want” kazutora deeply sighs, drifting into a deep sleep before you can even respond back to him.

all of this is so fucked up, backwards thoughts that never make sense but maybe right now where you’re laying in the arms of a person that gave you life but shattered your heart—everything feels normal.

“would you look at that, fuyu?” baji whispers loudly beside his friend, pushing the door open to reveal kazutora sleeping in bed peacefully with a content smile on his face while you laid snuggled up against his chest. “please don’t talk so loud, my head is fucking booming” chifuyu groans rubbing his temples with his fingers.

but chifuyu can’t help but smile watching his friend finally take hold of his destructive life. “you think they fucked?” baji looks over at chifuyu, he shrugs his shoulders before walking towards the kitchen in search of some relief from the growing migraine. “kazutora wouldn’t be sleeping in the bed with someone he’s fucked, usually kicks them right out.”

“yeah but that one person he’s been seeing he’ll sleep in the bed with ‘em” baji begins, following chifuyu towards the kitchen, “do you think tora will keep seeing them?” baji pokes more into kazutora’s life with chifuyu but honestly, keisuke cares about his friend a lot plus he’s kinda nosey.

“i don’t know dude, he’s been seeing them for a while but with a certain someone back in the picture with his daughter i think that’s all he’s going to be thinking about” chifuyu grabs a water bottle from his fridge as he begins to chug it, baji cranes his head back to catch another glimpse of you and kazutora but not before chifuyu slaps his chest.

“good morning” kazutora hoarse voice flutters through your ears, the heat of his chest stirs you awake, he traces your skin with the pads of his fingers, “how long have you been awake?” you yawn looking up at him, “little bit ago, wanted to let you sleep.”

“look at you being considerate” you coo, noticing his cheeks blush a deep red, “y-you know i used to do that when we were younger, i-i’ve always liked holding you while you slept” kazutora stutters out, laying his head on your hair.

“i have to pick up koi from my moms” you sigh, dragging yourself from his arms while kazutora leans up in the bed, “can i go with you?” he questions, nervously fidgeting while you stop to think, “yeah, i'd like that” your smile grows brighter while kazutora jumps from the bed frantically tossing his shirt on.

“so did you two fuck or not?” baji crowds around you and kazutora while you begin to walk out the front door, chifuyu holding the laugh in with his fist. you don’t answer looking over at kazutora who is already shoving himself out the door with his hands covering his face.

“but i don’t want to!” koi whines, kicking her feet in the chair beside kazutora, her broccoli was the only item of food left on her plate and she was at the verge of tears in disgust.

“come on baby, just one bite—please, for mommy?” you beg, holding the fork up to your daughters lips but she jerks away pouting. “what about for daddy, huh angel?” kazutora smiles at his daughter and he thinks he almost has her in the bag while her eyes twinkle for her father but she turns her head away anyways.

you feel your cheeks vibrate warmth at the pet name, how kazutora would always make you flustered with just a single word, “daddy is the best, right momma?” koi grins, leaning over to cling her body on his arm startling kazutora until he softens to pull her in his lap.

“he’s alright” you mumble, pushing strands of hair behind her ear while kazutora leans down to pepper her cheeks with kisses. koi plays with the rings adorned to kazutora’s fingers while he looks at you, “i’m just alright? i wonder if daddy can change your mind?” kazutora mumbles, taking a ring from his finger and giving it to koi, she squeals trying to place the oversized object on her digit.

“bedtime koi, your dad has to leave soon” you avoid his dreamy eyes and rise to your feet gathering the plates while kazutora hoists his daughter on his hip, her head laying softly on his shoulder, “do you have to go, daddy? gonna miss you” she whispers, squirming in his arms to kiss his cheek.

“i-i’ll be back princess, i promise” kazutora sniffles placing a kiss on her forehead, “you can put koi to bed, i'll clean up here” kazutora blushes for the nth time tonight. “thank you” he mouths, taking his daughter up the stairs while she snuggles her face into his neck.

as you begin washing the dishes, you lose track of time while your mind paves old memories and a possible future. you don’t know if you should forgive kazutora fully and let him take the father role for koi but the more you think—could kazutora be in your life as well? fall back in love with him but at what fucking cost?

“hey” you feel two warm arms wrap around your waist, kazutora’s chin resting on your shoulder. “do you need help? already pretty wet” his voice alone makes your cunt clench, dropping the dishes you turn around in kazutora arms, “mh, tora” you whisper out, dipping your head in the crevice of his neck, peppering the skin with your lips.

“i’ve missed you so much” kazutora whimpers, tilting his neck to give you more access to the skin, you pay close attention to his tattoo carved on the flesh, running your tongue along the ink, kazutora melts at your touch, pressing your body harder on him, sucking on his skin till a bruise arises.

you pull back to notice all the hickies on his neck, smirking to yourself that you’d purposely marked him as yours. kazutora greedily begins sliding his fingers at the hem of your pants until the vibrations in his phone break his advances. “probably chifuyu saying he’s here to get me” kazutora groans, rubbing his hips down between your legs.

you can feel the way kazutora touches you, you’re about to give in—begging him to fuck you right where you’d just served him dinner. the phone vibrates again and again till kazutora finally pulls away from you to pull his phone out.

it’s that fucking name again, with that fucking heart attached to it and that alone makes your stomach churn, disgust crawling through your veins while he ignores the call turning back to you. “do you wanna take this to your bedroom?” kazutora whispers, cupping your cheek with one hand.

“i think chifuyu is here” you reply dryly, pulling away from kazutora as you walk to the door, it doesn’t take him long to notice your attitude shifting but he really doesn’t want to question it—only adding fuel to the fire fuming in your body. “i’ll see you around” he weakly smiles at you as kazutora walks by spotting chifuyu’s car parked outside.

he slumps in the passenger seat, dropping his face into his hands while kazutora lets out a long aggravated sigh. “what’s up with you?” chifuyu laughs looking over to him, “one step forward, three steps back” kazutora whispers, looking over to chifuyu with tears forming in the corners of his eyes, “i just want to be happy with her and koi, why is that so fucking hard?”

tagging!! @hoesplay @yukihime-mikeys-girl @rinrinfoxy @zuuki @rizakari @night-shadowblood-writes2 @crown5 @ayariceeee @idkwhybutilikesmut @oikawascutie @renxnana @bxnnyx

[new151]

#118 Goldeen / #119 Seaking

The originals here don't offer a lot to work from… Even their poses in official art are pretty boring!

We based them mostly on fancy goldfish, in particular the oranda goldfish in Seaking's case, which is where the red "mask" comes from. Seaking also takes a bit of inspiration from lionfish, such as the whiskers; Goldeen's whiskers come from the barbels that koi fish have. Other changes were made to make the two designs more coherent, such as the dark markings on Goldeen.

[incarnadinedreams]

Can someone explain the whole 'Xue Yang is proof that Jiang Cheng is evil' thing to me? I've seen it around a ton and I am just like... genuinely not following this one. It's always pulled out as some sort of zinger without any explanation, and I feel like I just don't get it. I can't even argue against it because I am just confused, lol. I assume it probably comes from some meta I haven't read and the original probably had a more coherent argument than the people lobbing it around on Reddit.

I'll admit the Yi City arc didn't particularly compel me so I've revisited it less than some other parts of the novel, and don't remember as many of the finer details. I started trawling through the wiki and the text to figure out this argument, but I really might be missing something here?

The gist of it seems to be that Jiang Cheng is terrible because he doesn't demand that Xue Yang is executed at Koi Tower, and to me it just seems like a strange argument?

I know that after the Yueyang Chang are massacred, Xiao Xingchen volunteers to find the perpetrator, succeeds, and takes Xue Yang to the cultivation conference at Koi Tower (ch. 30). Nie Mingjue hears about it and demands Xue Yang be executed.

Taking advantage of the Discussion Conference that was happening at the Jinling Tower of the LanlingJin Sect's residence, when the most prominent sects met up and discussed cultivation methods, Xiao XingChen brought him over, explained the situation, and demanded severe punishment.

[...]

The LanlingJin Sect was indeed the sect with the thickest face. Although, on Jinlin Tower, it promised in front of all of the sects that Xue Yang would be executed, when it left Nie MingJue's sight, it immediately shut Xue Yang into the dungeons and changed the original decision to a life sentence. Hearing about the matter, Nie MingJue was enraged and pressed on them again. The LanlingJin Sect rambled about, refusing to give him Xue Yang no matter how hard he tried. All of the other sects watched them from the sidelines, but, shortly afterward, Nie MingJue passed away from Qi deviation.

I'm actually okay with assuming that Jiang Cheng is there, given that it says all the prominent sects are there. But I think it's worth noting that Jiang Cheng is not actually mentioned at all in the entire chapter, or in any of the events described. So it's not actually confirmed that he's even there at the conference. But like I said, I'm okay with assuming he is one of those people on the sidelines with the caveat that it's an assumption.

At the point of the start of the conference, Xue Yang had already been captured. Letting him go on his merry little way is never (publicly) on the table here, it's between life imprisonment or letting Nie Mingjue behead him then and there and ruin the carpet.

So... why should Jiang Cheng need to get involved at this point? I am not sure why Jiang Cheng would or should feel the need to interfere with a prisoner who is already slated for execution or at a minimum life imprisonment? Even if he deeply abhors demonic cultivation by this point, as far as he knows the problem is already solved. Especially given that the topic of the Jiang sect specifically interfering with Jin prisoners is probably a pretty touchy one, considering that's how they got into this mess to begin with (regardless of how right Wei Wuxian may have been in that moment)... especially with the Jin controlling his access to Jin Ling at this point, he'd need a damn good reason to make a fuss, and that... just doesn't exist in the situation? I genuinely don't see any reason for him to do anything here?

Also, we don't actually see any of the conversation except for Nie Mingjue's demands and Jin Guangshan's waffling, and even that we see very little of the actual dialog. It's all written up as a summary/exposition and not like a full transcript of the conference discussion. Everything else the Jins get up to, with pressuring Chang Ping to recant and releasing Xue Yang, happens much later and somewhat on the down-low. If Jiang Cheng has an opinion on it or even knows about it, the novel doesn't say as far as I can find (but please correct me if I'm wrong!).

Is the argument that it's Xiao Xingchen who hunts him down, so Jiang Cheng just didn't care enough to take on sole Demonic Cultivator Extermination Duties for the entire jianghu, therefore he's bad actually for not being like Xiao Xingchen? Xiao Xingchen, the guy with no ties to any sect and no responsibilities? The guy who spends over a month doing nothing but traipsing around through three provinces while doing nothing else to track down Xue Yang? Not that Xiao Xingchen isn't cool and all, but there's something to be said about 'free time' and 'priorities' and 'responsibilities' there...

I'll be honest, I just simply never took the Xue Yang on trial part of the novel as intended to be related to Jiang Cheng at all. (Which may be why I never revisited it that much, lol.) To me it just seems more like a big ol' "not applicable" when it comes to these two plot areas intersecting.

Even when Xue Yang and Jin Guangyao are talking about Jiang Cheng keeping Chenqing in the Villanous Friends extra (ch. 118), it's very much framed like Jiang Cheng has no idea this dude exists, and that was part of the humor of the conversation. (Also the part where they're making fun of him for believing Wei Wuxian will be back some day, and then he is right actually, so...)

For me, the purpose of the trial scene was to 1) tie the Xue Yang/Yi City Trio plotline into the main plot of the novel, 2) show that The Jins Are Getting Up To Some Shenanigans Actually and start revealing that aspect of the mystery, and 3) to showcase Nie Mingjue's violent belligerence and mistrust as his relationship with Jin Guangyao continues to fracture and erode as he approaches qi deviation.

So is there a big obvious Jiang Cheng connection I'm missing here...?

[adonis-koo]

tease

| 27 |

↳ Summary: You came with the intentions of your best friend landing a job as a stripper. You never meant to catch the eyes of the king stripper of the establishment- Jeon Jungkook, yourself. With what was supposed to be a harmless way of paying off college debt faster you find yourself falling into a very odd and passionate relationship with your new mentor. Between infidelity, passion and jealousy there’s never a dull moment at Cherry Bomb.

↳ Pairing: Stripper!Jungkook/Reader

↳ Genre: Smut, fluff, angst, drama, slice of life, relationship problems without the relationship, reader is such a shy baby protect her, MUTUAL pining, so much sexual frustration,  

Word Count: 13k

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Song Mood

Warning: This story touches on both sexual harassment and abuse, please read with caution if any of these things are triggers to you. Additional warnings will be given when a chapter present them.

“Y/n look at me, you need to take a breath okay?” Taehyung’s hands were curled around your upper arms, his voice deep and soothing as your breath continued to choke, he had quickly rounded the bar when he first saw you, sitting you on the stool as you forced air into your lunges, harshly closing your eyes as more warm tears spilled down your cheeks, silently berating yourself. 

You should’ve done something, anything. You could’ve told him to just wait until you got home, or you could’ve…! It was useless looking back and thinking about what you could’ve done, instead of what you did. This is what happened because you let your guard down. You felt defeated as you pressed your hands against your face, “Tell me, what happened.” 

Taking another shaky breath you tried your best to sound coherent, “He- he, Jungkook said he was gonna go take a smoke break before we went home and- and…! He’s not anywhere in the back, I checked the back exit where he usually goes and…! All I found was his pack of cigarettes and- and a half lit bud…! They took him, I just know they did!” You whimpered as you curled into yourself, you could only describe your feelings in simple terms of fright and anxiety. 

“Uh hey, what’s up? Y/n?” You sniffled as you rubbed your eyes, looking up at the familiar face of someone you hadn’t seen in what felt like forever. 

Alex, the customer who had paid for your advice on what to do with...Oh...Ji Woo was sitting next to him, a look of concern on her face, just as much as his own. 

Your eyes began to water faster by the moment as your lips quivered, “It’s a long story…” You cried softly as you lowered your gaze, feeling pitiful. Unsure of even where to begin or who to even go to if Jungkook was gone. 

“Well luckily for you we have all night, Y/n…” Alex frowned a little, on any other occasion his american accent would’ve made you giggle because his pronunciation wasn’t quite the best, but in that endearing way you remembered him by, “I know what’s happened here.” He offered a semi weak smile, “I am in the SPD after all...Homicides are pretty hot in the office…especially with what happened here.”

You closed your eyes, feeling internally at war with yourself because you had the feeling you knew where he was going with this, “Listen, I’m not on the case...But, I wanna help you out in any way possible. It’s the least I can do…That is if you want it.” 

Jungkook had been anxious to tell the police about his involvement in KOI but...His life was potentially on the line right now, “Let’s not jump the gun so fast.” Taehyung sat next to you, “We still don’t know for sure if he was kidnapped and you have to wait at least 24 hours before you can file a missing person report. Maybe he just got in a scuffle with some guys in the alleyway...” 

Your lips quivered a little as you sniffled hard, maybe...But...You just couldn’t see that being the case over what your suspicions were, which was Jungkook was taken by KOI, what would stop them now when they only attempted two nights ago to take him? 

Oh...that’s right...you both had never told anyone. 

“Unless you have something you wanna tell us?” Yoongi was the one that chimed in, his expression dim and dark against the lighting as he leaned against the bar, having finished with the last customer for now. 

Closing your eyes your lips jutted a little, of course it would be Yoongi, who you were beginning to feel on edge with. Whose side was he on? And why was he being so secretive about this? Both Alex and Taehyung looked at you expectantly as you shuffled in your seat, “...Someone did try to take us on the opening night of SSU but...we assumed...because of what happened before they were there for me...not him...We did manage to get away…” You mumbled, not daring to look up at either male. 

“Y/n! Why wouldn’t you report that!” Taehyung scolded immediately, making you curl away, “Oh my god…” he ran a hand through his hair, “It was him wasn’t it? That didn’t wanna say anything to anyone?” You nodded in confirmation as he scoffed, “God I knew Jungkook had a shady background but seriously? Why wouldn’t he report something if he was in danger?” 

Taehyung wasn’t just asking a rhetorical question, his eyes were on you as you shifted uneasily in your seat, remembering how hesitant Jungkook was to get the police involved but...You just wanted him back…

“Y/n, whatever you’re holding back, Jungkook won’t be held responsible for any of this if he isn’t affiliated with their crimes…” Alex could obviously sense your apprehension as your frown furthered on your face, looking down at your nails as you mumbled. 

“And what if he was...at one time…?” Alex frowned, tilting his head a little as he peered down at you in question, closing your eyes you took a breath, “Jungkook was...he was forced into joining a drug ring named KOI by his family, the moment he didn’t have any ties left, was the moment he left and never wanted to be associated with them to begin with...But because of what happened in Las Vegas, KOI are after him.” 

Alex leaned back in his seat, taking in your information as he raised a brow, “What about Las Vegas? What happened there?” He hadn’t said anything that indicated Jungkook would be punished this far and...If Alex was here to help, you could only assume he meant it in a way that meant he wouldn’t put Jungkook behind bars if he could help it. 

And so you went into detail about what happened in Vegas, what Seasonella truly was and who the Friar’s were, and the theory you had made about their possible connection with KOI and them sending word to take Jungkook. 

Alex was patient the whole time, not interrupting you once as he sipped on his drink after you finished he raised his brows a little as he puffed a breath, “Well…” He drew a little, “Uh...you guys definitely might wanna do a background check before getting involved in ties with an international mafia family that dates back all the way eighty years.” 

You slumped in your seat a little. Yeah, you figured as much. 

“Well, let’s go through this step by step,” Alex laughed dryly, despite there being no humor in the air as he cleared his throat, straightening a little, “I’m originally from California, it’s where I first began my training in the academy before I moved here to Seoul to be with my family, we went over a lot of lectures about the crime rates and how they skyrocketed back in the 40s because of all the corrupt police force at the time.” 

You took in a deep breath, trying to not let your mind linger back into panic with the knowledge that Jungkook had yet to show himself, “Right?” Alex nodded making you nod, looking at Taehyung who also intently listened, “The Friar’s were originally outted back in the 50s in italy for being a part of an organized crime family, so because of that they fled the country and came here to the states to start new.” 

“That didn’t work.” You snorted dryly, rubbing your eyes before peeling off an eyelash that was probably hanging off your lid for dear life at this point, the glue stinging a little as it clung to your skin. 

“Obviously,” Alex offered a weak smile as you pulled the other lash off as you took a shaky breath, “But because they sought asylum here and there was never any proof of their existence in the underworld after that, the officials let them be. Now over sixty years later it’s not too far-fetched to assume that people let it go and now the Friar’s are able to return to their home country and travel all around the world to make connections under the business front of exports. But it’s not too hard to assume they expanded to Korea and now have ties all over the country, especially with drug rings, after all, there’s no better way to have an international drug ring than through an export front.” Alex shrugged, “KOI, was it?” 

You nodded, looking back down at your hands as you fumbled with them a little, still not liking having to relent to this information but if it meant getting people involved and getting Jungkook to safety, you’d do what you’d need too. 

“It’s probably a small ring, nothing I’ve heard of honestly,” Alex huffed a little as he leaned back in his seat once more, “But i’d be willing to bet if there’s profit there the Friar’s wouldn’t hesitate to dump money into it, especially if they had past knowledge of Jungkook’s involvement, another blackmail reference for them if their daughter was involved with him…?” He smiled weakly once more, all too familiar with Jungkook’s....past history in girls, namely sleeping his now girlfriend. 

You huffed a sigh, rolling your eyes tiredly, “To say the least, Eva was….infautated with him and when she found out we were in a relationship she ended up trying to get us both sold into human trafficking...Or at least that’s what I assume the plan was. She did have past knowledge of his involvement but I don’t know how...Jungkook never told me how she found out but...It could only make sense. Somebody tried to take me at first,” 

Taehyung nodded in confirmation as you wrapped your arms around yourself, “He said Eva Friar sent him…” 

“So this is a confirmation then,” Alex nodded, “That despite the front of it being KOI, they’re working in operation with the Friar family to get Jungkook back, or taken...Or somewhere along those lines…” He hummed, taking a moment to think about it before he rubbed his head, “This...is going to be more complicated then I had hoped for…” He sighed, “I mean I assumed it was complicated but if there’s outside mafia influence it’s just whole shit slew even more complicated. Listen, the choice is yours. But if you came into the office tomorrow to give a testimony, we might be able to do something about this. Fast, and I don’t mean filling a missing person report and waiting, but you’d have to be willing to be one hundred percent honest on Jungkook’s behalf.” 

You weren’t sure you liked this still but Alex was trustworthy, or you could only hope he was. But you just needed to know, “...Will Jungkook get in trouble? For his involvement?” 

Alex frowned a little, “I’ll be honest, I can’t say for sure. But if he was involved years ago, then it’d be unlikely, especially if he wasn’t even in Seoul at the time. It’s the best shot you have, I’m not sure how you guys even pulled off Vegas, but you’re lucky to even be alive after it. That same luck won’t be on your side this time.” 

Your jaw clenched, inhaling sharply, he was right. You were lucky to be alive after all of that and dammit! You didn’t get this far in this godforsaken place just to watch it all crumble, “Alright, I’ll do it. First thing in the morning.” 

This was your best option and fate was on your side that you had previously met Alex and he just so happened to be in the police department. This was your only option at this point, you needed to make the most of it. 

Everyone was devastated to hear about Jungkook as they had come to see you when they noticed everyone crowded around you at the bar. Hence how you found yourself sitting in Rosé’s apartment, unsure if you could trust yourself to be on your own tonight. Of course there was the possibility of him being somewhere on his own but...Jungkook had been so careful recently, you couldn’t fathom why he’d choose to go off on his own now after so many things had happened.God only knew what you’d do, let alone if they were still searching for you as well. Alex had advised it would be best to stay with someone meanwhile unless Jungkook magically appeared.

“Jungkook will be okay.” Rosé was curled up on the other side of the bed, perhaps sensing your loss and grieving you were trying your best to keep together, your eyes immediately watering at her words as you tugged the blanket over your chin to try and hide yourself. 

“I know...I just want him to be safe.” You closed your eyes, your lips trembling as tears slowly slid down your cheeks. You didn’t get a drop of sleep the whole night. 

You had never felt so put under the microscope as you did, sitting in the bright lit room answering all kinds of questions about Jungkook and his background and his possible involvement with KOI, it had lasted nearly two hours and yet even then…

“I’m sorry Y/n,” Alex lowered his head as your eyes watered, looking at the ground, “We need time to analyze all of this before we come up with a plan. We’ve had a lot of calls with missing people that have been filed within the last week, and from the way it’s looking, this might be tied with that, the good news being it’ll put his case on priority...but we’ll still have to wait for an updated plan, we have a…” Alex sighed as his nose wrinkled a little, “...A freelance specialist team working undercover on their side of all these cases, but until we have confirmation it’s the same it might take longer than I thought...” He gently grabbed your arms, a determined look in his eyes, “I’ll call you the moment we have a plan ready to set in motion. I know this probably wasn’t easy for you, but this has really sped up the investigation. Things will happen, soon.” 

You were grateful for everything Alex was doing, of course you were, but the stress had you nearly ready to melt down, “Not soon enough.” You snapped, tears streaming down your face as you shook your head, “He’s out there, god knows where. And...and they need time?” You scoffed, gritting your teeth as you glared into the door that was shut where all the officers were now looking into the information you had given them. 

Alex lowered his head in acknowledgement, perhaps knowing whatever he said, would not console your poor soul, knowing the love of your life could possibly not return to you. Still your lips trembled as you closed them, you knew it wasn’t his fault, your anger slowly dissolving back into a mournful energy as you mumbled, “...I’m sorry, I know it’s not your fault.” You shouldn’t berate anyone but yourself, especially when Alex had been kind enough to help. 

“No I understand,” Alex offered a small smile, “You’re under and have been under a lot of stress the last few weeks. But I promise, we’ll figure out something as quick as possible and the moment we do, I’ll call you. It might feel like forever but it won’t be too long. Don’t worry.” 

He reassured you before he was called back into the room, giving you one last nod before you were left alone. 

Tears bitterly trailing down your face before scoffed, wiping the warm liquid away as you inhaled sharply, forcing yourself to calm down. Crying wouldn’t get Jungkook back, now all you could do was agonizingly wait for Alex’s call. Walking out of the department you saw Rosé’s car as she had dropped you off and had been here as moral support the whole time. 

Sitting down in the passenger seat it was silent for a moment, the moment you attempted to speak felt like a bubble was stuck in your throat making it difficult to talk as your eyes welled, lips trembling as you tried your best to fight the tears. 

Wordlessly you shook your head, lowering your gaze in shame. Why couldn’t you be a stronger person? Why couldn’t you do more? Why, why, why? Why did god place you on this planet if all you could do was simply shed tears? But you couldn’t help it, in every situation, you felt so powerless, after all? What could you do against a fucking drug ring? The late mafia? You were painfully naive to ever think you could do anything about it, other than sit in a car and cry like a child just as you were now. 

“They- they’re analyzing the information right now and...Alex said he’d call when they formed a plan, whatever the fuck that means.” You scoffed as you sniffled out, rubbing your eyes furiously, once more, finding yourself angry that no matter what, you were tired of crying. 

Rosé only frowned as she slumped in her seat, sighing as she closed her eyes, “I assumed as much...We can only wait now. Do you still wanna go out? Food is on me.” 

Yes food...Rosé had told you on the way to the station that you’d both go out afterwards as an incentive for you to have something to look forward to, no matter how shallow it sounded. It had worked on the way there, but now you were exhausted...But...you also didn’t want to wallow around all day and cry more, yes, you were done crying.

You took a deep breath before nodding, giving her a tired smile, “Yeah, I’d like that.” The car ride was filled with music on the way to the mall, a place where you had shared many happy memories with her and...You looked at the window, your jaw clenching a little. Jungkook. You could only hope he was okay. 

You didn’t have much of an appetite but you knew you needed to eat otherwise your day would only get worse from here and not only this but you’d have to perform tonight...You crumpled in your seat as you stared down at your food, “I have to perform tonight.” You echoed the words you had just thought of, closing your eyes with a sigh. 

Rosé peered down at you, her expression a little concerned before asking, “Are you gonna drop from SSU? To focus on the investigation.” You picked at your food before forcing yourself to take a bite, the bitterness of fish oil mixing with spice of ginger and soy sauce filling your tongue in an explosion of tasty food. 

“You know just as well Jungkook would be pissed if I did that,” You snorted dryly, your lips quivering a little as you slowly chewed on your food, feeling somewhat despondent, “Can’t be mad if he’s dead, I guess.” You sniffled harshly, trying to not let your eyes water at the thought. 

“Stop it! He isn’t dead!” Rosé chastised you as you slumped in your seat, fiddling with your fingers before taking another bite of your lunch, thinking back to how tender Jungkook was when he fed you in the backseat of your car. 

What you’d give to relive that memory again, “We don’t know that for sure babe, and if they took him,” Her eyes narrowed a little, “They wouldn’t go to the trouble of taking him just to do that, he is alive.” Rosé emphasised before her eyes narrowed on your food, “Now stop crying and eat  your food. It’s what he’d want.” 

You sniffled harshly, rubbing your watery eyes before you hurriedly began eating just as you were told, trying to push all the intrusive thoughts away as you began eating once more, force the food down swallow by swallow and with each bite, you did in fact, feel a little better. It was silent the rest of the time as you both continued eating. 

After finishing up you took a long drink of water knowing you had been neglecting hydration as well ever since last night. You hadn’t realized just how much it had been affecting you until you had finished and admittedly felt a lot better. 

“So, where do you wanna go first?” Rosé offered a small smile, as if in silent saying that she wanted to now focus on something easy to attain and keep your mind off of things, “Because I was thinking we could go find a new pair of heels for stage, maybe some outfits? I’m sure you probably have more than enough lingerie for the next five years, yeah?” 

A weak smile pulled on your lips as you nodded, “You could say that again...That sounds good, and…” Rosé perked up as your smile became a little shy as your eyes stayed on your fingers, “Maybe we could check out Sephora? I need some new eyeliner and maybe a foundation as well…?” 

“You had me at makeup.” Rosé gave an encouraging smile as she picked up her tray of food, you mirrored her as well as you went to go dump it out before heading off to the first store, Rosé was great at directing you both and curating a long list of things to do within a short amount of time. 

Turning around you let out a squeak at smacking into someone before immediately apologizing, your words abruptly cut off as you looked up to see who it was. But not just him, who he was with. Hanjae and you both stared at one another for a long minute before your eyes trailed to his hand intertwined with...Joy...his best friend...the one you always assumed he...that he...

“This is awkward…” You offered a tense smile, coughing a little as you stepped away somewhat cautiously, you hadn’t seen Hanjae since...well since you saw him in court over getting a restraining order. Hanjae wouldn’t look at you and...you wouldn’t look at him either. Joy looked as if she had been caught in some sort of scandal despite knowing full well what had happened to you both, “Umm...well, if you’ll...excuse me…” You lowered your gaze a little, feeling almost mortified despite not having a reason to be. 

You awkwardly stepped to the side, wanting to put this past you because you obviously had a lot going on right now as it was, bumping into an ex was far from the worst thing that had happened within the last week for you. 

What you didn’t expect though, was for Hanjae to grab your arm, his grip firm enough to keep you in place but not enough for it to hurt as it once had, his eyes piercing yours as your jaw clenched a little, your brows furrowing as you said nothing. 

“Y/n…” Hanjae’s voice was just as firm as it had always been but his eyes seemed different somehow, his lips quirking into somewhat of a frown as he spoke, “For what it’s worth, I did care about you at one time.” 

You didn’t say anything for a moment only looking up at him, there was no sense of loss or sadness you weren’t even sure you could say the same for Hanjae, other then maybe at the time, you just needed to be needed, you wanted someone to care about you, despite not holding any true feelings back. 

It was selfish to lead someone on like that, no matter who they were, “I know.” You whispered softly before turning away from him, pulling from his grip as you wrapped your arms around yourself once more. 

You really couldn’t do this right now, but...oddly enough, you had actually found yourself somewhat appreciative of his words as you joined Rosé’s once more who only looked mother henish at the sight of Hanjae who was walking away once more, hand in hand with Joy. Somehow, even when you both were dating, it was as if you always knew, it was meant to be them. 

You were two people, who simply needed each other at the time for growth, or maybe just because. Sighing you cast your gaze to the ground, “I never thought I'd see him again to be honest. But…” You trailed off, not daring to look back in fear of Hanjae’s odd respect deciding to dissipate, “I’m almost glad I did.”

Rosé frowned a little, not quite understanding you and given after you met her ex girlfriend, you could understand why. You offered a small smile as you explained, “I think, it only confirmed to me that, what happened, it was inevitable you know? Joy was always jealous, she liked him for a long time and anytime I tried to mention it to him he’d just call me crazy. Seeing them together, it made me realize that some people are meant for each other in this world. It just wasn’t me and him, and there was nothing wrong with that…” You coughed a little as you sighed, “Outside him stalking me several times for literally no reason when he could’ve just gone to her in the first place…” 

“Men have pride, going to her would have only confirmed what you had suspected beforehand which would validate why you left in the first place, even if that wasn’t the reason,” Rosé shrugged, “Honestly, after Irene I never looked back with men. They really don’t have the emotional depth or the braincell’s to keep up.” 

You had to cover your mouth a little to stifle your giggle that Rosé’s had no problem openly laughing at, thinking back to all your moments with Jungkook, you could understand what she meant...Jungkook, your lips slowly quirked into a frown as you let out a long breath, “Let’s go check out that store you’ve been talking about.” You offered a weak smile that you were sure Rosé’s could see through. 

But being the good friend she was, Rosé offered a bright beaming smile as she nodded, if you couldn’t muster the energy to be happy, Rosé would do it for the both of you, “You’ll love it! They have some of the cutest, most angelic clothing! I always think of you when I go!” You just needed to get through this, one day at a time. 

Going through racks of clothing you’d admit you were captivated by the renaissance feel to some of the clothes that were covered in famous art prints and delicate tulle skirts, Rosé was right, you loved it, “So,” Rosé hummed, “What are we gonna do about Yeri?” 

You turned to her with a frown as she scoffed, “She still thinks Taehyung is cheating on her…” She raised a brow making you laugh a little. Not that it was funny but you did find the irony amusing, “Have you not looked at the group chat at all?” 

“Which one?” You asked, semi confused as you tilted your head. There were so many different chats that you honestly couldn’t keep track anymore. Back before you had become a stripper your phone was a desert whose only relief to be found was through Seulgi on a saturday night. And now it was a hot mess twenty four seven piled with dozens of notifications between various chats, comments and likes on your work instagram and twitter, you hardly even kept up anymore. 

“The girls chat!” Rosé cried out offended, she was a total social junky, keeping up with the ninety mile average on all the chats held every day all day. You had been...admittedly avoiding the chats particularly because they didn’t feel the same with Jungkook’s absence, he was just as bad as Rosé when it came to staying on his phone all day talking to everyone and...You missed the dynamic of him with everyone too much to try and keep up as much anymore. 

It was still hard to believe he was just gone. You had thought it would happen the way it almost did the first night of SSU, something dramatic and probably traumatizing but Jungkook was just gone. As if he never existed in the first place. 

But there were still remnants of him lingering all over his apartment, his shirts that hung off the side of the laundry hamper, his bottle of cologne half empty and he had lost the cap a long time ago but he said he never needed it anyways. You could still see remnants of him in his old disgusting 3 in 1 shampoo which you had immediately told him to throw away the moment you stepped foot in his shower and he kept it out of pure spite, despite him only using your shampoo now. 

“Y/n?” Rosé frowned as she called out, making you realize this was the third time she said your name, you forced your throat clear as you put the shirt back on the rack which you had been holding, not realizing you had been spaced off. 

“Well, regardless, there isn’t much we can do about it, other than tell her he’s gonna propose, I don’t think she’d even believe us honestly.” You frowned, kicking yourself internally because you understood that life didn’t revolve around you and your problems. You only wished you could give more of your energy to your friends' problems the way you would at any other given moment, “Unless you have any ideas…?” 

Rosé groaned as she hung her head back making a small smile tug on her lips, “It just hurts to watch Yeri go through all of this! I’m seriously gonna kill Taehyung if he loses Yeri over a literal misunderstanding. I’m not joking!” She cried out frustrated, “Seriously, Yeri said she was gonna confront him about it Saturday when they go out to dinner.”

You cringed a little in pity, it was admittedly sad watching Yeri stress so much about this, especially with no one to truly confide in given you and Rosé had been distant in effort to not add anymore fuel to the fire. But you didn’t want Yeri to think it was because you were friends with Taehyung. You had been in that situation before with Jungkook, it wasn’t fun. 

“Well,” You drew a breath, humming as you puckered your lips, “Maybe that will give Taehyung the courage he needs to just ask her? All we can do is watch at this point. You know I’d love to help out but...My hands are full right now with finishing up choreography for SSU and the investigation going on with Jungkook.” 

Rosé wrapped an arm around you in comfort as she frowned, resting her head on your shoulder, “It makes me so sad seeing you like this, honestly. It’s not our job to fix their relationship, so it’s nothing for you to explain or apologize over. Sure it’s sad but you are right, you have a lot going on, there’s no shame in just focusing on yourself.” 

You frowned, your lips quivering a little as you stared at the ground, yes she was right…but it still felt selfish, you never wanted to be someone who could only focus on themself and never give their friends the love and attention they needed and deserved. 

“You’re right.” You nodded as you made yourself smile a little, not wanting to talk about it otherwise it would be counter productive to how you felt. 

“Of course I’m right,” Rosé scoffed as she smiled, “I’m always right, now are you gonna get this or not? You keep staring at it?” It was an under corset that had the lord’s supper on it, something feeling oddly taboo given you were a stripper, but...You really did love art. You sighed as you snatched the hanger from her as she gave a bright smile, “You’ll look good in it.” 

You tutted as you looked down at it, you did have a white dress that you could use a pop of color with, “You’re seriously enabling my overspending habit.” 

“What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t?” Rosé puffed her cheeks a little as your lips threatened to quirk into a smile as you sighed wistfully, not even bothering to check the price tag as you grabbed her, dragging her to get in line to pay as she squealed, a handful of clothes in her own arms that she was more than happy to add to her extremely big wardrobe. 

Between waiting in the long line and Rosé becoming distracted at the conventionally placed stand of mini products you felt a buzz from your phone in your back pocket, shuffling you brought it out as your heart fluttered. Did they already come to a conclusion!? 

You had deflated as you stared down at your phone, knowing you shouldn’t have gotten your hopes up. It had only been what? Four hours by now? Still...Yoongi’s message left you on edge, you had never thought much of him before. He had never been involved in any chats before, was never interested in going out and always declined invitations to house parties. 

The only person you imagined him being semi close to was Taehyung as they typically worked most nights together, but before, you had assumed he was just a true introvert and didn’t mind just enjoying the chaos unfold. But now…? You couldn’t help but feel as if there was a reason for his distant nature.

Stepping up further in the line, Rosé made her way back to your side as you briefly tutted at the sight of an eyeliner pen in her hand, a mini bottle of hairspray and three packs of eyelashes, “Don’t look at me like that!” She cried out with a pout as she fumbled to keep everything in her hands, “You know I can make that back in a heartbeat, not just on stage but online too!” 

Right...not only was Rosé making out in her career as a soloist but she also had an Only Fans page which was admittedly very popular, you knew this because she had asked you a handful of times to be her photographer. 

“Doesn’t mean you should.” You raised a brow before giggling at her expression as you lowered your gaze a little with a tiny smile, “Just please don’t ask me to take photos of your asshole again.” 

“You’re a true friend for that.” Rosé puckered her lips before smiling as you both began fluttering with giggles as you shook your head. Your eyes briefly glancing back on your phone as your smile faltered a little. 

“Hey…” Rosé perked a little at the shift in your voice as you tilted your head a little, feeling a little coy because you weren’t sure if Rosé would even have the answer you were looking for, “Has Yoongi always been...removed from the group?” You chose your words carefully as you watched her brows furrow a little. 

She pressed her lips together briefly before she shrugged, “Can’t say for sure honestly. I mean, I’ve never really talked to him much outside of work. He tends to keep to himself, the only person he really talks to is Taehyung.” She pouted a little at that, “Which is totally unfair! I’m still working on trying to get Yoongi to loosen up. He’s a sharp one. Is there a reason you’re asking?” 

You frowned a little looking back at your phone, “Well...It’d be easier if you just read it.” You typed in the passcode on your phone before handing it to her. Noticing you both were next in line to pay as you stepped up to the counter, offering a timid smile to the worker as she rang you up. 

Rosé paid next as she handed your phone back to you, walking out of the store her nose wrinkled a little, “That seems weird.” She commented, “I mean. Direct and just...odd...Hmmm.” She let out a hum before she snorted, “Maybe he just wants to fuck now that Jungkook is temporarily out of the picture.” 

“Rosé!” 

“Sorry! Sorry!” She giggled, knowing that was a horrendous joke but watching your lips quiver and your obvious flustered state was too good to resist not making. Your lips quirked into an inevitable pout, trying to not let her words bother you, not so much her joking about Yoongi as she had unintentionally about Jungkook. 

Jungkook wasn’t gone he….You wrapped your arms around yourself pushing your thoughts away as you shook your head, “Hornyness aside!” You coughed harshly as you glared at her a little in that semi playful way, “I think what he wants to talk about is...Actually everything going on with Jungkook...He’s alluded to knowing stuff about the situation for a while now. Ever since the police showed up to Cherry after the murder he encouraged me to distance myself from him…” 

“What!?” Rosé’s nose wrinkled as you sighed, wrapping your arms around yourself as you began to recall your brief yet impactful conversation with Yoongi the night the police had come. His words about it being dangerous and how it would be best if you stayed with your parents for a few weeks. 

You wanted to scoff at his words now, look what had happened even with you here? There was no telling what would have happened if you hadn’t been. Jungkook being taken probably wouldn’t have even gotten reported today and you would’ve only just now been called and unable to do anything all the way from Kimhae. 

Rosé only shook her head warily as she said, “Things just don’t add up anymore...Guess the only way you’ll know is when you talk to him. I can’t believe things used to be so uncomplicated.” You slumped a little at her words. She was right about one thing, you’d just have to see what Yoongi had to say. 

You felt nervous to say the least, your stomach had tied itself into an uneasy knot the further the clock ticked to Cherry Bomb opening up, Rosé had dropped you off an hour ago and told you to just rest and you had listened to her, having slept the only time until rolling out of bed a few minutes ago, resisting the urge to cry when you first opened your eyes to a vacant bed. 

Your hands had trembled as you prepped your bag and the silence in the apartment was too suffocating, you had been too used to Jungkook’s constant flow of interaction, whether he was playing music too loud or calling out your name in question of something, or his arms wrapping around you and his chin setting on your shoulder as you’d whine and complain about him being too heavy to move around with. 

Now everything felt empty. 

The moment you would see Jungkook again, and whether it was blind faith or a resistance to a bitter end, you were sure you would, you would wrap your arms around him and never let him go again. You’d usher those words you used to be too scared to tell him, and more than anything, you just wanted to be in his embrace while he held you tight and reciprocated those same feelings he always did. Taking a shaking breath you placed your bag over your shoulder before you began to make your way to Cherry Bomb. It was still closed but everyone had been coming in early to get warmed up, do hair and make up, go over sound check and everything in between. You hadn’t been getting there this early the whole week, but with Yoongi wanting to talk, you wanted to make sure you had plenty of time to do everything that was needed for tonight. 

Arriving at Cherry Bomb was the same as ever, the sketchy alleyway to the left didn’t look so scary in the warm evening light and the old vacant convient store next door was still empty as ever and yet Cherry Bomb stood in between, the least suspecting of them all. You opened the entry door which was vacant of bodyguards who would not be here for another forty five minutes and given the entryway was dim nobody would assume how much hustle and bustle was inside. 

Everything was in regular lighting making it look much less sensual then it would be typically seen and you had seen some girls piled out on the floor where others were setting up tables as they stretched and warmed up, others running around with their friends having too much fun but then again, this was typically a fun week for most. You felt semi cautious as you approached the bar which only held Taehyung who was restocking liquor and rearranging glasses and mugs, “Hey...do you know where Yoongi is?” You asked as you peered a little, setting your bag on the counter as he whirled around his brows cocked a little. 

“Yoongi?” Taehyung hummed, “I think he headed to the sound booth to help them set up the speaker system. I can help if you need something.” Taehyung was ever the sweetheart as he offered a dorky smile.

His smile brought a warm boyish comfort to your chest that eased your tension as you shook your head, “Oh no, I just needed to ask him something, thanks though.” You dipped your head a little in a bow of thanks as Taehyung waved you off. Sound booth...You huffed a little as you rubbed your neck, that was placed behind the stage wall if you were correct? 

You had never had a reason to go back there before therefore you had never bothered checking it out, but you had heard enough and had been working here long enough that you were positive it was there. Stepping up the staircase you walked across the stage that had a few staff members sweeping down the floor and clearing it off, bowing in apology to them as you awkwardly smiled before going backstage. 

Much to your delight, there was a shut door labelled sound booth, opening it up your eyes squinted a little at all the monitors in the room, it was considerably small but this must’ve been where all the security footage was as well as you looked at the screens where you could see a plentiful of people in the main lounge. 

“You can shut the door.” You jumped at Yoongi’s focused voice, he had bulky headphones on, one side pulled off to listen as he stared down at the screen, clicking on various things before he held a button down, “Alright starting stereo system now, lemme know how it works.” He pressed down on a button with a harsh tap before he twisted around in the computer chair, gesturing for you to sit in the seat beside him. 

You closed the door before looking around the dark room, it was just him in here and you, sitting down you hummed, “I didn’t realize you worked backstage…” 

“I don’t,” Yoongi spoke, as he clicked through a few tabs on the computer, “But I am familiar with working sound systems so anytime they run into problems here I volunteer to help out, anything to get away from the drunks crying about their divource at the bar.” 

Your lips quirked a little in amusement, that queasy feeling in your stomach beginning to settle at his dry humor as you shuffled to get comfortable in your seat as silence set between you both before you finally spoke, “So...you wanted to talk…?” You curled up as you twisted your chair to face him. 

He collapsed back in his seat as he mirrored you with a nod, “Well I’m sure you have questions and since you went in to give a testimony this morning, now would be the best time to give you answers before the police set whatever little plan they have into motion.” 

You tilted your head at his words, Yoongi was being awfully...relaxed...given how he had been acting previously during the last few weeks, you noted his disdain when he mentioned the police though and briefly it reminded you of something, “I do… have questions,” You coughed a little, unsure of why you prolonged your sentence, “I…” You tucked your tongue into your cheek as you sighed, “I guess my first would be why are you involved in this in the first place? I mean, with all the unsolicited advice and constantly looking like you know more than you let on? I’m just...confused where you stand.” You frowned a little as you played with your fingers, your eyes unable to stay on his piercing figure as they landed back on your hands. 

Yoongi was silent for a moment before he snorted, “Okay short question for a really complicated answer.” He hummed, typing in something on the monitor before he swiveled his chair a little to look back at you, “Too put it briefly, I stand with myself. At least that’s how I used to feel,” He sighed somewhat agitated, “I’ve been working under Cherry Bomb the longest out of everyone, I’ve seen people come and I’ve seen people go, I’ve watched the establishment go through lows and highs and even up to this point where it’s been put under the public’s eyes over something that I knew would eventually happen here.” 

You found yourself, almost fascinated by Yoongi, by the way he drew out his sentences and he leaned back in his chair, his eyes on the monitor but it looked as if he was seeing past them and into the distant past, “Do you know why Cherry Bomb was affiliated with Seasonella?”

Yoongi’s dark piercing eyes looked down into the depths of your soul and for some reason, his words made a pit in your stomach drop, as if something horrible had happened, and whether or not you or Jungkook had done anything, this would have always been the end result. 

“No...I’ve only heard vague rumors…” You mumbled, knowing he hadn’t answered your question but in some way, it seemed like this was necessary for him to explain everything in a way you’d understand. 

Yoongi hummed, his eyes lingering on the shut door before he spoke, “I used to be a broker for the Friar’s,” Your lips dropped at his casual words, “I was one of the first links they had here in Korea and they had sent me here. To Cherry Bomb, to find clientele to help build their ring up in the underworld.” 

His nose wrinkled a little as he paused, as if waiting to hear some form of backlash, as if waiting for you to start screaming at him, or to cry and blame him for everything that had happened thus far. But he only watched your brows furrow as you tilted your head as if trying to truly comprehend his words, “At the time I had been getting tired of the whole gig, it was good money but it just wasn’t worth it to me anymore. I was undercover at the time, just staying as a bartender and trying to weasel my way into management but I eventually dropped the Friars during this process.” 

Your lips quivered a little at his words making him laugh, and for the first time, you watched a genuine smile curl on Yoongi’s lips, “It was all business, I made up an excuse that would lead them to believe it was for health reasons that I couldn’t continue my work. Diego was forgiving about it and let it go but mentioned if I ever wanted to do business he’d be happy to oblige.” 

You frowned as he waited, as if suspecting you to have a question which you did, “If...you retired from being a broker....then how did Cherry Bomb get involved in Seasonella?” You frowned, remembering his previous words and how neither of these statements line up. 

Yoongi smiled somewhat weakly, pausing as he looked back at the screen, you could hear a voice filtering through his headphones before he tapped the shift button on his keyboard, “Got it, let me adjust the bass and reverb. Alright, if there's more static we can keep adjusting.” He let go of the button as he scrolled on his mouse before going back to his relaxed position. 

Yoongi was in thought for a moment before he spoke carefully, “I’m sure you’ve heard rumors but, Cherry Bomb hasn’t exactly been in the best state financially, right” You nodded, you had heard from the moment you stepped into the building as a trainee, “Well, you can imagine this, except even worse back when Cherry first opened. It was unsanitary, the dancers were leaving because people weren’t coming, people weren’t coming because the dancers were leaving. It was a pretty pathetic sight. Bang ended up going into debt to shark loans in order to try and keep things up and running.” 

You pulled your knees up to your chest as you listened to Yoongi’s words, he was oddly soft spoken person, his voice almost soothing to listen to as he explained, “The money kept the lights on and drinks coming but that was about all it did and now Bang had an even bigger problem, he’s in debt to shark loans and it’s not like he could afford it before let alone now. It ended up making things even worse.” 

“So one night, I’m closing up shop and Bang comes to me drunk as I’d ever seen him and he’s just begging me for money, he’s got snot running down his nose just looking purely pathetic,” You tried to stifle a giggle as Yoongi’s humored words, “Bang says he’s willing to do anything to keep this place running. And I mean anything.” Yoongi waved his hand a little, his expression becoming a little more subtle, “And listen, I had gotten out of the business of being a broker yeah? I enjoy a quiet life now, but I felt bad for this guy and I mean bad. So I did the only thing I thought would be the best and least damaging option for him.” 

You frowned a little as Yoongi lowered his gaze a little, his expression not showing out right guilt but definitely a sense of stoic remorse, “I gave him Diego Friar’s information and told him if he was truly an idiot and that desperate, he’d be able to help. My only request was that he kept my name out of his mouth.” 

“And he did…?” Your lips twisted into a sad frown as you set your chin on your knee, your arms wrapped around your thighs. 

Yoongi sighed as he nodded, “Apparently he was that desperate, and so Diego fixed this whole place up, Bang wasn’t used to dealing with people like this before and in some ways, I’m not surprised he didn’t fully understand the fine print. The deal was simple, Diego would pay off Bang’s loans and help him get this place up and running and Bang would allow his establishment and girls to go to Seasonella for entertainment, what he didn’t know was that during this time Diego would also pluck trainee’s and fillers for their trafficking ring during Seasonella to grow the ring for his clientele.” 

“After Bang realized this it was too late,” Yoongi’s smile turned somewhat bitter as he stared down at the ground, “When Bang said he didn’t want anything to do with it and wanted out of the deal it all went downhill and it was too late to go back. Diego threatened to leak that Bang was now by definition a trafficker and could get him in jail for life if he didn’t keep the supply up and now Bang didn’t have a choice but to keep going to Seasonella under blackmail if he didn’t want to be leaked as a supplier. He hired Sejin to manage everyone and basically keep the whole place up and running now. I hardly ever see him anymore, I think he wanted to distance himself as much as possible with Cherry since the incident.” 

That....you rubbed your head, that would make sense. You understood that Bang was technically the owner of Cherry Bomb, but you hadn’t seen him not once before, Sejin was always the boss and he was constantly on the phone or running around keeping girls from tearing each other apart. At some point, you just associated him with being the main owner of Cherry Bomb despite only being the manager. 

“So to answer your question,” Yoongi smiled weakly, and suddenly it hit you, why his expression reminded you of something earlier. Not something but of someone, Yoongi almost looked the same way Jungkook did, when he told you his affiliation with KOI, and for some reason, it made you sad, “I used to be involved in all of this but...I prefer a quiet life, truthfully he was so drunk at the time, I didn’t think he’d even remember any of it. I can’t help but feel like all of this is my fault to some degree sometimes….” 

Yoongi sighed as he offered a wary yet amused expression, “But I’m sure you aren’t here to listen to me act like a victim. Now that you’ve gone to the police with this, I want to be involved. I personally never felt comfortable having the Friar’s influence in our club and it was difficult to just leave, especially after everyone came to join…” Yoongi looked mildly annoyed as he scoffed, “But I didn’t want to get involved with anyone in case the Friar’s came around looking for leverage on me to work for them again. Which never happened but they're really annoying. You agree yeah?” 

You collapsed back in your chair as you sighed with a mildly disturbed expression, “Hell yeah…” 

“That’s the spirit,” Yoongi looked amused, “And so I wanted to talk to you about everything, from the moment the Friar’s got involved, to me wanting to help out. I know KOI’s movements because back when I was the one that introduced them to the Friar’s way back when. I still have people on the inside which is how I’m familiar with Jungkook and Rosé’s ties. That and of course overhearing them on certain occasions. It pays to be a bartender sometimes.” 

You couldn’t help but laugh at his words shaking your head as you now felt comfortable knowing Yoongi didn’t have any ill intentions towards you or Jungkook but rather the opposite, “So I’m assuming your on standby until the SPD give you a call, and when they do, we’re gonna go together and hear them out.” 

You frowned a little at his words, “How are you gonna convince the police to let you in on a confidential plan?” 

“I’ll tell them I used to work in KOI and I’m collectively positive I know where they’re keeping Jungkook.” Yoongi looked at you with a cocky expression as you nearly jumped out of your seat with a cry. 

“What!? You…! You know where Jungkook is at!?” You looked over his expression desperately, trying to see if this was some cruel prank, why hadn’t he said this earlier!? 

Yoongi looked cool as he leaned back in his seat with a stretch, “Well I don’t know for sure. But back when I met with KOI they had a temporary docking station they used as a sort of base, it was Friar territory but given they began working together Diego gave them his grace to use it despite them not being big enough to actually settle in Seoul. Because of that, I can only assume they’re still using this place as a...safe house for a lack of better term.” 

 Your lips trembled a little as your fists curled in your lap, you could only hope Yoongi’s assumption was right because...what use was a plan if they couldn’t actually use it? “Besides...Jungkook wasn’t the only one who was worried about possibly getting arrested.” He shrugged, a sly smirk on his face as he shrugged, “I’m glad you volunteered him to test the water, if I keep it vague I doubt they’ll ask too many questions. I’ve been in worse situations before.” 

“I’d be willing to believe it.” You sighed as you rubbed your head, “Alright, you can come. I’ll let you know the moment Alex calls.” Nodding, for the first time since this morning you felt a little sliver of hope that maybe, Jungkook would come back to you. 

“Good, now you should probably go get ready, we’re gonna be opening in a half an hour.” Yoongi nodded towards the door as you mirrored him, standing up as you wrapped your hands around yourself before exiting the room. Now all that's left to do, was wait for Alex to give you the call. 

You listened to music while prepping your hair and makeup the whole time, you had chosen to sit in the filler’s vanity room today because you simply didn’t want to be alone. You gazed up in the mirror intending on putting on the false eyelash you had been blowing on to get the glue tacky when your eyes met with a familiar face that made you deflate somewhat. Your eyes fluttering back to your eyelash as you intently blow on it again before leaning towards the mirror and carefully placing it on. 

Fully aware of Seulgi sitting in the chair next to you as you used the tweezers to press the corner of the lash down, that was always a bitch to get to stay on. Your headphones were still in and you weren’t sure what she had expected here but you really weren’t in the mental state to be dealing with whatever she wanted to talk about right now. 

Straightening up you placed glue onto the other lash intently, your brows crinkled a little as you tried to make sure you didn’t fuck it up like your last pair where a glue bubble completely covered over the actual eyelashes and matted together. You jolted at your earbuds suddenly being yanked from your ears and your mouth flying open in disbelief at how aggressive your ex friend was being. 

“What the hell!” You cried out, your lips parted and you didn’t want to engage in conflict but she was really starting to piss you off! What was she even trying to defend these days? Her stance that this ‘wasn’t you’ or that ‘Jungkook was using you’, she changed it so often you didn’t even want to hear it anymore! Her bullshit story wasn’t adding up or making sense, it was pathetic.

“You were ignoring me!” Seulgi immediately spat out pulling the earbuds away as you reached out for them, your jaw clenching and your eyes narrowed at her filed nails that clutched your source of music, “We need to talk, you haven’t replied to any of my messages or anything!” 

“Do I look like I wanna talk right now?” You snapped, your voice low and your brows furrowed as you snatched the earbuds away from her, scoffing as you looked down at the eyelash glue covering the actual lashes. Unbridled rage could practically be shooting steam through your ears at the sight as you kept yourself composed, only able to manage a, “You made me fuck up my lash.” You sighed as you deflated, angrily flicking it off your finger tip as it fluttered to the counter as you peeled off the one you had just put on, glad that the glue had at least not fully dried yet.

“Seulgi,” You sighed, not having the energy to argue with her as you dug through her bag, “I’m not sure if you’ve heard or not, but I have a lot of shit going on right now that takes precedence over talking to you. I’m sorry,” You looked up at her, genuine exhaustion on your face as your lips quirked a little and your expression dim, “I don’t wanna sound like a bitch, but the world doesn’t revolve around you. My world, doesn't revolve around you.” Sadness washed over your expression as you pulled out the spare pair of lashes from your bag, “Not anymore.” 

“I’m not asking for the world to revolve around me! What type of perception do you even have of me god,” Seulgi scoffed as she leaned back in her chair, staring at you disbelief as you opened the pack of lashes and once again, clipped them before trying this once more, “I’m asking for you to be a decent person and just sit down and talk to me.” 

“You tried to fuck my boyfriend!” You yelled louder then you had intended too, gaining a few stares from other fillers before they immediately began whispering and causing Seulgi’s gaze to immediately fly to her nails as if they were suddenly fascinating, “Seriously, what the fuck Seulgi!” You cried out, hurt oozing from your voice as you looked up at her in disbelief yourself, “Why didn’t you tell me you liked him!” 

“I didn’t think I had to worry about it!” Seulgi cried out back, her jaw clenched and you couldn’t even look at the gloss in her eyes, partly because you felt like she had no right to act like a victim but partly because it also hurt. Had Seulgi just told you...you...you probably wouldn’t have accepted Jungkook’s offer and you would’ve just stood back afar to cheer her on, “How was I supposed to know you were going to find your confidence awakening at a stripper audition!” She scoffed, her voice bubbling with upset as if she was trying not to cry, “And not only that but to lap dance Jungkook, seriously? It’s like you just wanted his attention.” 

Your jaw clenched, your hands shaking a little as you pressed the lash once more to your lash line, fixing it as silence ensued between you both and you could see Seulgi shift slightly uncomfortable as you had yet to reply. 

Finishing the lash clacked your lips together as you scoffed, “Seulgi...you wanna know my problem? It’s that you’re acting like a victim and trying to make it sound like I intentionally sabotaged you. When, if you remember correctly, you knew how insecure and shy I was and purposely volunteered me to audition just to see if I’d make an ass out of myself!” Hurt lit through your voice and you could feel your own eyes trying to blur. 

Yes, that was right. You could remember Seulgi’s snickering tone, the same one she’d use when she’d go out of her way to embarrass someone she didn’t like. You had just been in denial at the time because Seulgi was your childhood friend and she’d never do that to you? Would she? But it was now just a bitter reality that your friendship with her was never the way you had perceived it to be. 

“I-! I didn’t do that!” Seulgi stammered, her face a little red but you could tell by her flusteredness that she was trying to backtrack from past mistakes that she could no longer redeem, not anymore, “I…! I didn’t even think I liked him at the time, okay!?” Her voice trembled and tears were now glossing in her eyes as you looked away from her as you only shook your head, beginning to place the next lash on carefully, “B-but the closer you two got the more it just…! It just didn’t make sense! When would you ever- g-go for a guy like that!?” 

Pressing the corner of the lash on with your tweezers your lips twitched with upset at the memory of your conversation about it with Jungkook, “Oh yeah, you only just begged for his phone number the first two weeks and then immediately spammed him with explicit photos as soon as he gave it to you. You know it sounds like you already liked him before and you just never bothered to tell me because you didn’t think I was a ‘threat’ or better yet you wanted me to make an ass out of myself at that audition so Jungkook would never talk to me!” 

Seulgi only looked more and more embarrassed as this conversation continued and you truly didn’t have an ounce of sympathy, these were all of her actions she had done behind your back and if she liked Jungkook, and knew you were his trainee and saw with her own eyes, all the flirting that went on, she should have straight out told you. You were not the type of friend who would’ve ever blown her off!

It just wasn’t fair for her to make it out to be like you had known about her crush on Jungkook and you purposely auditioned just after her and purposely lap danced Jungkook with the intention to sleep with him and purposely took advantage of the opportunity of being his trainee. She made it sound like you were a total bitch that ruined her love life just for the sick pleasure of knowing you could! 

You weren’t sure whether to be insulted or saddened at her narrative now, “And you wanna know what really sucks Seulgi?” Your voice bubbled as you tried to keep it level, “When I told you about becoming a temporary soloist you went behind my back and told everyone because? Why?” You shook your head, blinking back the tears in your eyes, it was the first betrayal that had stung the most. 

In fact, that was the first moment, everything had become clear to you, when she had done that knowing how much of a hard time everyone had been giving you in particular, “Why did you do that? What have I ever done to you, for you to do any of this? Because after that you then decided to talk about my private problems to Jungkook and tried to call me psychotic? What was that? Out of some desperate attempt to sabotage what I had with him just so you could fuck him then get bored in two weeks?” 

“...Listen I know I’ve fucked up okay…” Seulgi’s lips were trembling and you couldn’t look at her now, so devastated that she wasn’t even trying to cover up her actions anymore.

You were really happy you had already set your foundation because warm tears were trickling down your cheeks as you stared at her in disbelief, having to say all of these things while looking her in the eyes, only made it that much more painfully real by her expression, that everything you said was real, and Jungkook hadn’t been lying at all. 

You wanted to laugh in bitterness, remembering some of his first words to you, was that he didn’t like lying, and that he’d rather be honest. 

In some twisted way, you had hoped, Jungkook had been lying, it’d be easier to get mad at him and work things out because you loved him, but you didn’t love Seulgi, you were far past the point of return of wanting to fix things now. The wounds were too deep and they piled up too much. 

Seulgi looked down at her hands, tears of her own shedding as she lowered her head in shame, “I was always jealous of you,” She whispered out making you scoff a little in disbelief as you looked at her, a wet trail of tears on your cheeks despite your furrowed brows, “You have no idea how charming you are to literally everyone,” She rolled her eyes bitterly as she curled up in her chair, her lips twitching in anger, “Oh it’s little shy Y/n isn’t she just a doll? You always had a presence in every single room we ever entered in and you almost made every single guy go batshit crazy with that stupid fucking shy baby act. And meanwhile I was always told well if you were just more like Y/n, if you could be more like her, if you acted more like her, you know how fucking furious I was?” She whispered in utter rage, “When I saw Jungkook that day...and I was so excited to see him, and the girl he picked...Was you?” She said it with such a deep bite of venom and disgust as she clenched her fists.

Tears spilt down your cheeks in remorse, at the sting and bite of her words, at her deep wounded bitterness towards you that had obviously been there long before yours, you weren’t just shocked. You were utterly devastated. 

“I had been trying to get his attention for weeks, and you just waltzed in, and suddenly you were his trainee, and the center of his whole fucking world,” She snapped her fingers, “Just like that. For once in my life, I just wanted to be picked. And maybe that does make me a bitch. But I just wanted Jungkook to look at me the way he always looked at you.” Her lips trembled and it was a familiar look of heartbreak on her face as she spilt tears of her own consolation, “I thought he was different. I thought he liked an actual woman, someone who wouldn’t be silenced, someone that had a voice and wasn’t afraid to speak it.” 

Seulgi was speaking, but all you could hear was how she truly felt about you. You didn’t care that she was in love with Jungkook, you didn’t care about how inadequate she felt. You cared that she used you, to unleash all her own anger and insecurity on you. It was clear, you both felt wildly different about one another. 

“Do you even hear yourself right now?” You laughed, hurt evident in your tone as she looked up at you, but all you saw was anger that you felt wasn’t warranted at you, you didn’t deserve to be put under her microscope like this! “You were the one that always pulled guys left and right! You had friends with everyone in a hundred mile radius and the moment you had something better to do, you felt no remorse in just dropping me.” Your lips were trembling and tears slid down your face as you tried to hold back a sob, “A-and I guess it makes sense now, because it’s clear you only ever kept me around to just use me as something to make yourself feel better! All the times you made sure to let every single guy know that I snored in my sleep or the embarrassing moments I had the day before or laughing with your other friends when I’d say something stupid.” 

Your heart surely couldn’t take anymore stress as you closed your eyes, a trembled soft sob escaping you as you wept, “You made me endure your insecurities for years! While I....” You could hardly even speak, unable to even stare up into the pure electricity of hatred intensifying in her eyes, “I thought we were friends, best friends, sisters. Through every embarrassing moment I still cheered you on when you did cheer for the football team! I was always excited every time you called to tell me in graphic detail how you got laid, I admired how you could use your voice and how confident you were. And- and you….” 

“See this is what I can’t fucking stand about you!” Seulgi growled as she ran a hand through her hair, “Every moment you can’t get your way or some disagrees with you, you just resort to fucking tears and a sob story! You are so emotionally manipulative it’s not even funny! You’re right Y/n, there’s no point in us even talking.” Her jaw was clenched and her gaze fiery, “I can’t even stand fucking looking at you anymore. I knew from the moment we were in middle school and everyone was in awe at how shy you were over that stupid fucking dance that I hated you! I only ever kept you around because you were such a pathetic lost puppy without any guidance.” 

“If you’re just gonna be a bitch, go do it where you can’t embarrass yourself.” It was another familiar voice, Chan Hee stood behind you both but her lip lifted a little as she lifted her chin back with a scoff. 

Seulgi looked even more scornful then before her lips twitching violently but whatever she wanted to say was held back before she hurriedly got up and left. 

You could only stare at your lap as you sniffled, closing your eyes as tears trickled down your face, hurt oozing from you in a way you had never thought could be possible before. The dressing room was just as bustling as ever, though you were sure a few fillers had quieted just to get a scoop on the latest gossip. You genuinely couldn’t believe everything you just heard from Seulgi...your whole friendship...everything…

You lowered your head in mourning as you ushered soft tears, Chan Hee clacked her tongue as she sat in Seulgi’s previous spot, a look of pity on her face as she leaned back in her chair, “Seems stupid to ask, but are you good? She was kind of a dick to put you in that position.” 

Your shoulders bobbed and you managed a nod, “T-thank you…” Your lips trembled as you closed your eyes, taking a long deep breath as you mumbled, “Are my lashes still on?” 

You looked up at Chan Hee from the thick falsies and for the first time you saw a genuine smile on her plump lips. It was a beautiful even, her hair had grown longer in the last months and had reached her shoulders now and her bangs now covered her eyebrows. She snorted a laugh as she grabbed your chin, making it lift a little as her nose wrinkled a little, “It’s a little crooked,” She inspected as she grabbed the abandoned tweezer you had out. 

Her eyes focused on the lash as she hummed, “I used to think like her, you know? I’m sure it was pretty evident to you when we first met, yeah?” You nodded a little only for her to squeeze your chin, making you obediently still once more as she finished fixing the lash. 

Pulling a tissue out of the boxes they had set out, she dabbed up the tears that trickled down your face, “I was a pretty bitter bitch,” She puffed a breath and she sounded even a little amused by her own words, “But after...what happened, at Seasonella…” She frowned a little, her eyes dim at the dark memory before she focused once more on dabbing just under your eyes, “And the fact that I had been such a bitch to you, and you still helped me...It made me realize, I’d rather girls be my friends, then my enemies. I’d much rather have their love and affection, than the validation of men.” 

“And look where that mindset has got me now?” Chan Hee offered a closed mouth smile as she began fixing up your utterly destroyed face, using the makeup you had out at her own liberty as she began to reapply your foundation, “I stopped prostituting myself out not for the money but out of the toxic need to know I was enough, I have a better control on my binge eating now and I even start therapy soon. Take it from me Y/n,” Her lips curled a little in sadness, “It’s a lot easier to be angry then it is to heal.” 

You sniffled a little as you closed your eyes, “Congratulations on therapy,” Your eyes still watery as you opened them, “...could probably use some of that myself after all of this is over.” You mumbled. Chan Hee was right, it was easier to be angry and bitter than it was to take the time to sort through feelings, to go through the hurt once again but to process it and let it heal. It sucked. But it still shook you, it still made you sad, you still felt betrayal and you knew, it would be a long time, before that feeling faded. 

“Dahyun said there wasn’t any shame in seeking help,” Chan Hee hummed, reminiscing in her tone, her eyes lingering on the blonde who was currently talking to their other friend...Sana? If you remembered correctly? “...I’m dropping out of SSU.” 

“What!?” You perked up, leaning away from the makeup brush as you stared at Chan Hee as if she was insane, because she was...She was in the lead by a long shot! You nor anyone else could possibly catch up at this rate, “You! You’re gonna win! Why…?” You shook your head as you trailed off. 

Chan Hee puckered her lips a little as she nodded, as if accepting your confusion as she set down the makeup brush, a small smile tugging on her face as she spoke, “Ever since I was a little girl...I used to dream of living in Paris,” Her expression looked so soft, even girlish as she snorted a little, “I wanted to eat croissants every day, walking under the Eiffel Tower, eat soups and stews all day, every day.” 

You looked at her, listening intently as she looked down somewhat bashfully, “An old friend who lives there now recently reconnected with me and I have the opportunity to audition for the Moulin Rouge...And I think I’m gonna go for it.” She nodded, lifting her chin up with determination, “And I’m gonna ask Dahyun to come there with me, so we can eat all the food we want and be together.” Your lips curled into a tiny smile at the way she beamed towards Dahyun in confidence, “Where all of this stuff with Cherry Bomb...it can just all be behind us, a fresh start you know?” 

You nodded, lowering your gaze softenly, “I totally understand, congratulations on it! I’m sure you’ll make it in, you always strike everyone’s eye anywhere you go,” You rolled your eyes a little playfully as you giggled alongside her, “Thank you...seriously...I...I needed to hear that.” 

Chan Hee tapped your nose with the makeup brush before she set it down with a smile, “I should be the one thanking you, if you hadn’t helped me that night, there’s no telling what destructive path I would’ve spiraled down. I was just packing up my things at the vanity when I overheard what was going on. Honestly, I’m cheering for you Y/n I…” She gave a semi wary smile, “I think I understand why Jungkook chose you at the audition. Good luck.” She gave you one last smile before she stood up, “Now, I have to go ask someone to be my girlfriend.” Your lips curled into a smile as you watched her walk away with determination right to Dahyun. 

Looking in the mirror you smiled a little, despite your red eyes Chan Hee had fixed your makeup splendidly and it was a good thing because Sejin had just yanked the door open calling your name saying you’d need to be backstage in five. 

You pulled on your outer clothes as you took a deep breath, it was a good thing nobody would be focusing on your face, otherwise they’d probably see how much you truly did look like shit, even with two layers of makeup on your face. Grabbing your heels you took a breath, making your way out of the room just in time to hear a loud squeal. 

The sight of Dahyun’s teary eyes and her big nod before you watched the two girls immediately sharing a tender embrace with one another suddenly made your eyes watery again. You knew what that felt like, you could only hope you’d be able to feel it again. Still, the smile stayed on your face, knowing that they would be happy together in Paris. 

Your performance went off without a single hitch surprisingly enough. Perhaps it was your old mindset kicking in, it was easy to perform because you didn’t have to think about what happened with Seulgi, or if Jungkook was okay, or if Alex would call you soon. You had to focus purely within that moment of each move. And those three and a half minutes were both blissful and exhausting. 

By the time you got off stage you were heaving breaths as you kicked off your heels, had you been this tired before the performance? It felt like the world was slowly turning and your body was getting heavier and heavier with each step and like the floor was slowly beginning to work back and forth. 

Setting down your heels you collapsed back in your seat, closing your eyes. You were too tired to even move right now and you had to go home now...You needed to make dinner and...It felt like your body was like a brick sinking deeper and deeper into the calm ocean of unconsciousness. 

The only thing that brought you out of this abyss was the loud shrill of a ring making your body jolt and your hands fumble frantically as your heartrate suddenly spiked, digging for your phone as you answered the call, “Hello?” 

“Y/n! I have good news, we have a consensus made and we’re meeting first thing tomorrow. We’re gonna get Jungkook back.” 

Note: ONE CHAPTER LEFT LETS GOOOOO, I’m so excited for our last climax chapter, if all goes to plan there will be an epilogue (or maybe a chapter 29 depending if i can properly split it because it is kinda long...) and I am SO excited! 

(Taglist CLOSED)

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[tereishqnachaya]

arylie ki pasoori - 02/03/22

Mais, kahan rehti ho aaj kal yaar?

DUKH O DARD MEIN! AUR KOI JAGAH BACHI HAI REHNE KO?!

no seriously WHAT EVEN WAS THIS EPISODE?!

HOW I AM SUPPOSED TO PROCESS??

AND THEN POST PROCESSING EVALUATE?

AND THEN COME UP WITH W O R D S TO EXPRESS THE RESULTS?????

COHERENCY? MEEEE?

BC JO COHERENCY THI WOH YAHEEN PE MARR GAYI

AND WE AIN'T EVEN 2 MINUTES IN THE EPISODE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ASKJDHAEA

THE WAY HE CALLS OUT, "Imlie..." IN THAT SMALL VOICE AND YOU CAN SEEEEEEEEEE THE WAY HER FACE LIGHT UP WITH RELIEF AS SHE REPLIES WITH "Aryan."

BHAYEEE MUJHSE NAHIN HOGA AAJ MUJHE SAKHT RONA ARAHA HAI

also thank GOD they cut that atrocious stretcher falling apart bit? emotional epi ka comedy kardete so YES THANK YOU EDITORS. FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE I AM THANKING YOU.

idk guys this episode is just too personal to me.

personal in the sense that for too LONG we have seen Imlie having zero to no attachment to Aryan. the way writers did her so dirty by her constant flips..even the recent development she has had wrt to Aryan always felt scary to me ke yaar..kab yeh palat jaye kya pata chale? but today every single emotion that Imlie felt was just exclusively for Aryan. fear, stress, helplessness, anger...whatever she felt it was for Aryan.

And she wasn't alone in that. Narmada's breakdown was so well done? not just in terms of acting but what Narmada says. that without Aryan her and Arpita couldn't even fathom living. Four years her son had been giving Narmada and Arpita the strength to move on. and they did! while the women in Aryan's life found it within themselves to carry on living, Narmada knew that Aryan himself hadn't moved on. so her fear for Aryan wasn't just of a person being scared how they'll cope with their biggest support system go. no, it was a mother grieving the loss of everything her son could have gotten in his long long life that her mother has prayed for every single day. the realization that Aryan, who has already lost his youth to pain, could potentially lose his entire life without having had the chance to live it?

and Imlie witnessed all that.

yeah. the pain is real.

COMA MEIN AYA FLASHBACK TIME!!!

they effed up Aryan's past styling a bit but I can forgive that. FOCUS ON THE NAMELESS/FACELESS PEOPLE BEHIND ARYAN. Aryan had FRIENDS. Aryan had PEOPLE in his life who stood by his side. FRIENDS AND PEOPLE WHO SYMBOLIZED THE NORMALCY IN ARYAN'S LIFE. FRIENDS AND PEOPLE THAT ARYAN CHOSE TO LET GO OF BECAUSE HE WAS SO SINGLE MINDED IN HIS "REVENGE" AGAINST ADITYA!!

DO YOU THINK IT WOULD'VE BEEN EASY FOR ARYAN? to willingly shut his door to any form of companionship..to close any paths that could lead anyone to the isolation he had chosen for himself? Aryan had shut himself up in a secluded tower..only offering just his mother and sister the barest glimpse of what goes on there. he CHOSE that life for himself. koi ayega nahin toh koi jaega kaise?

and then enters Imlie.

THE DREAM WAS JUST SO????

LIKE

I

AM IN SO MUCH PAIN????

ek toh BC Jaaniya female baja diya main toh waheen apne baal nochne lag gayi excitement mein. MATLAB KAISE KAISE ISS EPISODE NE EMOTIONS KE SAATH NAHIN KHELA AAJ??!!

anyway.

ENTERS IMLIE!

HER LAUGHTER PIERCING THROUGH THE SILENT HALLS.

HER ENTRANCE BRINGING IN THE LIGHT IN THE DARKNESS.

SYMBOLISM DEKHEN AAP AUR GALA PHAAD PHAAD KE ROYEN BUSS!!!

Aryan..who couldn't believe someone dared enter. Imlie who unabashedly replied that she was already there, how could be even try to stop her when she's already there?

and she's there to say some things. three things. his favorite number, right?

1 - he's not alone. his partner is there. her.

2 - she'll save him. from himself. her.

3 - here's her hand. hold it and come. come with her.

phir baja FEMALE JAANIYA and i had to pause to cry.

WHAT EVEN IS THEIR RELATIONSHIP WITHOUT THIS GESTURE OF REACHING OUT WITH THEIR HANDS???? IMLIE WHO USED TO HOLD UP HER HAND FOR HIM TO GRAB ONTO AND PULL HIM UP. THE HAND HE USED TO IGNORE. UNTIL ONE DAY HE DIDN'T. UNTIL ONE DAY HE HELD OUT HIS HAND FOR HER TO HOLD ONTO AND THEN NEVER STOPPED. AGAIN AND AGAIN. EVERY TIME. HE WAS THERE. TO HOLD HER UP WHEN SHE STUMBLED. TO WALK WITH HER WHEN SHE WAS TOO FROZEN TO MOVE. HE HELD HER WHEN SHE WAS SPIRALLING. HE CARRIED HER WHEN SHE WAS FALLEN.

and now, she does the same for him.

of COURSE his subconscious mind would conjure up this simple gesture of her reaching out to him by offering her hand. because that's what started this whole thing isn't it?

oh, but no. because when you talk about the start..there's someone else there.

NALLA :@

THAT MANHOOS NALLA!!!!

THE ONE ARYAN KNOWS WILL ALWAYS BE THERE. WHOSE EXISTENCE IS THE BIGGEST THORN IN ARYAN'S SIDE. not just for what he did to Arvind but to what he continues to do to Imlie! Imlie..Aryan's light. Aryan's happiness. the one with whom he wants to walk on lighter roads..roads that lead to her success, her happiness...Nalla is always there as a threat to pull Imlie back. back to darkness, back to misery, back to the cage where he wants her to stay like his own pet.

and Aryan is too helpless to do anything.

that's his biggest fear. that Imlie would go back. that she'd make a choice that would undo all her progress. CHOICE! hER CHOICE! HER CHOICES IN FRONT OF WHICH ARYAN HASN'T EVER SAID ANYTHING. HE TRUSTS HER TO MAKE THE WISE CHOICE BUT WHAT IF SHE DOESN'T??? WHAT IF SHE MAKES A CHOICE THAT TAKES HER BACK FROM WHERE ARYAN HAS TIRELESSLY WORKED TO GET HER OUT OF??? HE WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO DO ANYTHING THEN.

of course that nightmare had his already fragile body struggling to live.

badha hua haath...khaali reh gaya.

but that's the dream.

the reality is different.

for in reality, Imlie is there.

to hold him, to calm him down.

she's there.

"Ab tum theek ho na?"

please excuse me if from this point onwards you don't get any coherency.

CUZ BEHEN LOG YAHAN MAIN MARR GAYI.

nooooooooooooooooooooooo but seriously. the way she was talking to him? TALKING! asking if she could say something? there was something so....innocent about the way she said that. the way she was complaining to him. look...look what they are saying about you! they say you won't be able to wake up if you don't wake up now. can you believe these people? they don't know you. they think you...YOU could ever be in a state where you'd be unable to function properly without the assistance of a machine. YOU who could bring the mighty down on their knees with just look.

so can you please open your eyes and look?

"Dekh lo na...ek baar? Please?"

she was begging him for just once. ek baar. just once. once can he do that? can he do that for her? not forever, not for long..just once. once once once once...

I AM SORRY I'LL GO CRY EK MINUTE MUJHE.

did you notice how every word she said was about...her? Imlie..the devi Imlie...the selfless Imlie...the one who'll do everything for her "apne"...when at Aryan's side all she talks about is herself.

how he messed up HER balance sheet.

how SHE is the one indebted to him.

how he said people who cry over their circumstances were weak but now SHE'S crying here cuz of him so wouldn't he wake up to wipe HER tears?

she she she. her her her.

Just Imlie around Aryan.

Just the person she becomes when she's with him.

friend, employee, partner; name it whatever you want - the Imlie with Aryan is the Imlie you won't find anywhere else.

the Imlie who can whine to Aryan like a child because people were being mean to him behind his back.

the Imlie who can demand to him that he better wake up and wipe her tears.

the Imlie who can be mad at him for not listening to her.

itna haq? itna haq.

(i can't post more images cuz tumblr limit 🥲)

50-50! a partnership! if they partners in pain, if they partners in struggle...how could he leave when it was time to bear the fruits of their labor?! how DARE he take on all the hurt on himself while she remains scatheless?

the way Imlie started her little talk with him so calmly to her losing all her rationality because SHE JUST WANTS ARYAN BACK. SHE JUST WANTS HER PARTNER BACK. KAISE BHI KARKE DE DO BUSS WAPAS DE DO! SHE DEMANDS HE WAKE UP. WAKE UP AND GIVE HER HER SHARE OF HURT!! it's an illogical thing to ask for but she is beyond reasoning and logic now. she just wants him back!!

wapas wapas wapas!

ranjish hi sahi dil hi dukhane ke liye aa aa mujhe phir se chorh ke jaane ke liye aa

per aa toh sahi...

he who claimed that he never gave anything for free has shared with Imlie SO much that she cannot bear the weight of it all alone. he shared his strength...he shared his pain...he shared the his rarely ever seen smile with her just her only her...he shared his family the family he is so protective about with her...he has shared SO much and now he's not there anymore? unfair. ridiculous. she's there with the things he's given her and she has to handle them all alone? PREPOSTEROUS!! they are supposed to be in this together and suddenly they are not?

unacceptable.

"Tum wapas aao na! Tum please wapas aajao.."

SHE'S PRACTICALLY BEGGING HIM!!!

BUT HE DOESN'T LISTEN!!

her requests failed. her demands failed. her pleading failed. he isn't listening. he isn't getting up. HE ALWAYS LISTENS. HE IS ALWAYS THERE. WHY ISN'T HE DOING IT NOW?! so she uses her haq. her haq to be mad.

naraazgi.

ruseya ranjha ve mera main vi kam na aithi..

so she'll leave. she'll walk out of the room and she won't return. why would she? why would she waste her time over someone who isn't listening to her! she'll just go! if he cared he'd stop her right? he'd stop her! but he isn't getting up. so he doesn't care. in her mind...her mind that is being controlled by her heart...the heart which has a storm of emotions wrecking havoc there...it all makes sense.

she'll go okay? she'll just GO! look she's going.

he doesn't watch her leave.

he senses it.

and breathing becomes just a little more difficult.

and she's back on ulte qadam.

goodness gracious how will these two people ever survive without each other?!

MAZAAAK mein bhi chorhna bicharna durr jaana bardasht nahin karsakte hain. YEH DONO ALAG RAHENGE?!?!?

now he’s in critical condition and Imlie who has always brought back everyone who has lost their way is at her wit’s end because this time it just affects her the most. she’s not gonna fight just for him because what he means to his mother and his sister. NO. she’s gonna fight for him because of what he means to HER. only her. 

she’s tired of being selfless.

she’s tired of being resigned to fate.

this time it’s personal.

[nillegible]

Jin Zixun accidentally saves canon, Part2

(Read part one of the fic, here!)

“Did you hear? The Yiling Patriarch killed Jin-er-gongzi, and dragged away his corpse.”

Jiang Cheng might not have been the intended listener, but he has no qualms in stalking toward the cultivator who was speaking. Pale green robes with white accents, he must be from Laoling Qin. Jiang Cheng doesn’t take him by the collar, but his fingers twitch. He definitely wishes to.

“What did you say?” he asks.

From the expression of abject terror that crosses the other man’s face, Jiang Cheng didn’t do a particularly good job at appearing non-threatening.

“Jian-Jiang-zongzhu. I. Jiang-zongzhu, it was. They’re all saying.”

“That Wei Wuxian killed Jin Zixun and took away his corpse? When did he even get here? Where did he drag him away from?”

“Ah, no. It wasn’t. Jiang-gongzi must know I don’t speak for Jin sect, but it wasn’t here.”

Jiang Cheng considers shaking a more coherent answer out of this coward, but decides against it. Gods knew what nonsense he would actually spout. No, he needs a better source, he needs Shijie.

Protocol forgotten, he storms into Koi Tower.

*

Oooh, Jiang-xiong looks furious. Jiang Wanyin had stormed into Carp tower like a small purple thundercloud. He’s taller than Yu-furen was and less delicate looking, but one could absolutely see that Jiang-xiong was his mother’s son. The air even smelled electric when he strode by, purple sleeves billowing elegantly.

Where is Jiang-xiong going, making quite so much of a display? Huaisang directs his casual wandering in his wake, stretching his cultivation senses to keep track of him when he storms out of view. He wonders if this is about the rumours that have been slowly spreading from the anxious and guilty looking Jin cultivators. And there are so many­, oddly many, low-level cultivators who can’t have all been invited at this time for the naming-day ceremony, it was gauche. So much yellow, they interfere with the decorations.

“Whatever did Jin-gongzi do this time to anger Jiang-zhongzu so much? Ah, I’d hoped a nephew would mellow him,” Nie Huaisang complains, or something along those lines to the most disgruntled people he crosses, with a laugh and conspiratorial smile. The reminder of Jiang-xiong’s rather Extra tendencies seems to put people at ease, and Nie Huaisang sails through, keeping an eye out for anyone who might actually matter.

He sees Lan Wangji, who, in spite of the way he stands separate from the crowd like a drop of water on a lotus leaf, definitely matters. Nie Huaisang makes his way towards him.

*

“What nonsense is everyone spouting about Wei Wuxian and Jin Zixun?” Jiang Cheng demands, bursting into Jin Zixuan’s office, where the wary Jin disciples had directed him.

“Jiang-gongzi!” says Jin Guangyao, the first to stand, just as Jin Zixuan says, “Jiang Wanyin, you’re here!”

Jin Zixuan says, after a beat, “Wei Wuxian and the Ghost General were seen taking my cousin away.”

“Surely even he couldn’t attack and cart someone off from Koi Tower. What would he even want from Jin Zixun?”

“It wasn’t from Koi Tower, he didn’t reach here,” says Jin Zixuan. “It was on the way.”

“Explain,” says Jiang Cheng.

“A-Yao will explain,” says Jin Zixuan. His voice is colder than Jiang Cheng has become accustomed to hearing it.

“Jin Zixun was cursed. It was the hundred holes curse. He got it into his head that Wei-gongzi had to be the one who did it. I only found out this morning, but he – he went to waylay Wei-gongzi and demand that he remove the curse.”

“Leaving aside the absolute idiocy of Wei Wuxian being the one to curse him, why would Wei Wuxian then kidnap him? Maybe he actually knows a way to remove that curse, and Jin Zixun’s gone back with him.”

“Ah, it wasn’t quite so amicable as that–” Jin Guangyao looks towards Jin Zixuan, but when he doesn’t take over the explanation he continues, “Jin Zixun took three hundred archers with him –”

“THREE HUNDRED archers? Why would the Jin sect send a full battalion to ask Wei Wuxian to remove a curse?”

Jin Guangyao’s voice, which was already quiet, lowers further, “I believe that the show of strength was only meant to make Wei-gongzi give Jin-er-gongzi his due consideration. Wei-gongzi doesn’t always listen.”

“That is not what you told me,” Jin Zixuan says.

“He may… he may have planned to end the curse in a different way if Wei Wuxian didn’t comply,” says Jin Guangyao, finally.

Jiang Cheng tries to choke back his rage. How dare they! “If it turns out that Wei Wuxian has been harmed, Jin sect will not be forgiven,” Jiang Cheng threatens. “He may not be of my sect anymore, but to ambush him and try to kill him on such a stupid pretence, after you invited him to my own nephew’s ceremony! As if Wei Wuxian would not kill Jin Zixun himself if he had wanted him dead, and reanimate his corpse!” Jiang Cheng knows what happens to those his brother punishes. Jiang Cheng had joined him, in exacting their vengeance against Wen Chao, Wang Lingjiao, and Wen Zhuliu.  

“Jiang-zonghzhu, seems to be planning to do that, now. They say he carried Jin-er-gongzi’s body away,” says Jin Guangyao. Implicit in that is what foul things Wei Wuxian is known to do with corpses.

Jiang Cheng just can’t believe it. In a rage at the people who had murdered Wen Ning? Perhaps. But to kill Jin Ling’s uncle on his special day? Wei Wuxian would know better! And there’s more that doesn’t make sense. “How did Wei Wuxian kill Jin Zixun? You said he took a whole battalion!” Even if Wei Wuxian had killed half of them, it’s unlikely he could get away, especially if they were archers.

“Ah. Uh. Wei-gongzi did not kill him. The Jin archers shot him.”

It takes Jiang Cheng a moment. “The Jin archers shot Jin Zixun?” he turns to Jin Zixuan for confirmation. His brother-in-law looks miserable and angry, but nods. “How the hell did.” Jiang Cheng is out of words. “Do you not train your disciples to aim?”

“Faced with the Yiling Patriarch, one of the younger disciples may have been afraid? As far as I gathered they were actually aiming for Wei-gongzi,” – Jin Guangyao winces as Zidian sparks – “but he ducked, and so Jin Zixun was shot.”

“He ducked,” repeats Jiang Cheng, looking between Jin Guangyao and Jin Zixuan, who don’t disagree with that frankly ridiculous assessment. They have to be joking. Or worse, they have to be lying. And if they’re lying to his face, then who knows what really happened? Jiang Cheng bows lightly to his brother-in-law. “Jin-gongzi, I take my leave of you. My apologies for missing Jin Ling’s celebration, but if I’m lucky, I can fetch Wei Wuxian and be back in time to meet my nephew and my sister before they retire from the feast. I know how much A-jie was looking forward to seeing our brother.” Jin Zixuan winces at that, no doubt imagining explaining to Jiang Yanli that his stupid cousin had tried to murder her brother.

That’s Jin Zixuan’s problem though. Jiang Cheng is going to fly to the Burial Mounds and his brother’s awful little encampment, and shake him until he gets some answers.

He ducked.

Which meant, at the least, that Wei Wuxian was being shot at. Stupid, I told you I couldn’t protect you, and this is what you get up to? Jiang Cheng had thought his brother would keep his head down until people forgot about him! Some sort of self-imposed imprisonment that kept him out of everyone’s way. That was why he wasn’t even invited to the wedding. Stupid, stupid Wei Wuxian.

As Jiang Cheng sweeps out the doors of the main hall, he sees Lan Wangji, looking stiff, and if Jiang Cheng isn’t just projecting, angry. He meets Jiang Cheng’s eyes and weaves his way closer.

“Jiang-zongzhu.”

“Hanguang Jun,” returns Jiang Cheng. On any other day he’d wait and glare until the second jade spoke his mind, not making it any easier for him. Today, he hasn’t the patience. “If you’ll olease make my excuses to Lan-zongzhu, but I will be unable to greet him. I need to go to Yiling and find my–” he realizes with a jolt that he’d called Wei Wuxian brother too many times today in conversation already. “-Wei Wuxian. There’s all sorts of rumours flying about, I don’t like it.”

“I will come with you,” says Lan Wangji.

Jiang Cheng eyes him. “If Hanguang Jun believes me incapable of judging Wei Wuxian if he is at fault today–” he snarls, but is cut off by a sharp gesture from Lan Wangji. And what might even be a real emotion on his face.

“Wei Ying would not have,” he says, with a certainty that even Jiang Cheng could not feel. Jiang Cheng hates how much he appreciates the words. “Let me come.”

Jiang Cheng should say no, should say that Wei Wuxian was his responsibility.

‘Just Let me go. Tell the world that I defected. From now on, whatever Wei Wuxian does, it would have nothing to do with Yunmeng Jiang sect.’

“Fine,” says Jiang Cheng. “Just keep up.”

He knows from experience, as he takes off into the sky, that Lan Wangji can keep up.

[you-know-like-the-bird]

There is a Door

Sometimes, there are things that exist beyond the explanation of even quirks.

There is a door. It's a plain wooden door, colored a sort of buttercup yellow that presents an innocent disposition. Or, it would, if, say, the door had conscious intent.

Which it does.

Or so Izuku likes to imagine. He knows he's being overdramatic because come on, it's just a door. It's just a plain yellow door with a matte black handle with nothing else to do but sit there and exist.

Except that no one else can see it.

That's easily explainable too. As a little boy, his mother even took him to the doctors when he claimed to see a yellow door that no one else could see. When he told them about how he liked to pretend it was a friend! Because it was always showing up, and it was always there even when he knew there hadn't been a door in that place before.

These things are called hallucinations. And even though the final ruling was that he was perfectly fine, that really, Mrs. Midoriya, children have active imaginations and you shouldn't panic over every single imaginary friend your son tells you about, even if a yellow door is an awkward choice for one. But Izuku knew that the yellow door wasn't something he simply imagined, because weren't imaginary friends supposed to disappear as you grew older?

There is a plain yellow door, with a matte black handle. People call them hallucinations; Izuku hallucinates the yellow door.

And that was it, really. For the longest time, the yellow door never really affected his life in any meaningful way. Of course, as he started to get older, he noticed things about it. Like how the door didn't always follow him around; it only showed up when it mattered. It mattered, when Izuku was beaten down low by the constant reel of bullies in his life, when he was desperate and hurting and lonely. When Izuku was curled up in a pitiful ball of hurt, when it wasn't safe to come out of bathroom stalls until hours later, when he was scrunched up and small in a hiding place, the yellow door cheerily saw over it all.

Except that couldn’t be right, because a door can't have conscious intent, right?

Right?

(Wrong)

As Izuku got older, it was harder not to notice things about the door. Sometimes, it was almost like it was beckoning him. Taunting him, daring him to come and twist its handle and push it open and see what's on the other side, won't you? Aren't you even a little bit curious? Izuku has watched the yellow door follow him around for most of his life now, he'd long since given up on trying to puzzle out what it could be besides a hallucination. Could it be the latent effect of someone's quirk? Could it be that as a child he got hit by a stray quirk and never noticed?

But then, even Izuku knows how fantastical and downright absurd his theories sound out loud. Someone would have noticed, wouldn't they have? It's not like he's never gone to the doctors after, never been through normal routine check-ups that always pass him for a clean bill of health. Someone would have definitely noticed the lingering effects of a quirk he didn't even remember being hit with, so it couldn't be that.

(But then what was it? What did the door want?)

Sometimes it seemed like Izuku would just have to live with the yellow door for the rest of his life. What else was there to do? He didn't know how to make it go away, didn't know if he even wanted to, didn't know if the door would even let him.

Sometimes it seemed like that. Until one day it didn't.

It was a mistake. Izuku knew better most of the time but he just- he was just so tired of lying all the time. Why did all his classmates get to be honest about wanting to be heroes, but he couldn't? Why did everyone else get to reach for their dreams, but he was told to 'be realistic' when he tried to reach for his?

Izuku was tired, and he messed up. He made the mistake of writing down that he wanted to go to U.A, and his teacher hated him enough to announce it to the entire class. So, was terribly surprising when Kacchan stayed behind after class and gave him hell for it?

bang

"You think you're anything but the shit under my shoe Deku? You think you can challenge me?"

Bang

"U.A?! Don't make me laugh!"

Bang!

"Here's some advice, if you want to be hero so bad take a swan dive off the roof and hope for a quirk in your next life!"

He left Izuku crumpled against the wall at the back of the classroom. His hero analysis notebook was sitting in the koi pond downstairs, charred and soggy and utterly unsalvageable. His dreams lay dashed against the floor, once again.

He doesn't know where he found the strength to stand up. His bag was repacked in a daze, but it wasn't until he'd already slung it over his shoulder that he noticed. Specifically, the glaring anomaly standing at the front of the classroom, waiting innocently for him to spot it.

See, the yellow door was always there, a pretty part of the scenery fit neatly into the background of his life. It existed side by side with real doors, fit onto walls besides them like it had always been there. But it was never like this. It was never just the yellow door, standing neatly in place of his normal classroom door. It was never just the yellow door, and nothing else.

It had to be a mistake, somehow. Maybe his classroom door was just behind it? Maybe his brain had decided to superimpose his hallucination onto the classroom door, and the panic welling in his chest was for no reason at all.

Maybe he was just overreacting, and when he reached out and twisted the matte black handle, he would just see a normal school corridor on the other side.

It still couldn't keep him from glancing once at the windows, wondering what would happen if he tried climbing out from there. It was no good, of course, because this classroom was on the third floor, and there was every chance of him slipping and falling all the way down.

(Take a swan dive off the roof-)

Izuku looked back at the yellow door. It still hadn't magically shifted to the side, to reveal his classroom door underneath. Now more so than ever, Izuku could almost hear it daring him to open it, to prove that it was nothing but a figment of his imagination. Just a flight of fancy, and poor, quirkless Deku wasn't even fully sound in the mind after all.

Izuku crosses the space between himself and the door in three long strides. His hand comes to grip the cool black metal of the handle, pushing slightly as he twists it open.

The other side is not a school hallway.

The other side is not- it’s not- it’s not something that can be perceived by sanity, you see.

What little of his mind is still lucid, still thinking, still coherent and isn't lost to haze of panic, thinks that it sees a different kind of hallway. His mind thinks that the hallway stretches in an impossible straight path away from him, away and away and away with no end in sight. It's the kind of hallway you find in hotels, with a sensible carpet and sensible wallpaper and sensible pictures framing empty stretches of the wall every once in a while.

There is nothing sensible about the bright green carpet. There is nothing sensible about the jarring red wallpaper. There is nothing sensible about the paintings at every intersection, which show the very same hallway that Izuku is facing. A still life of the same hallway painted in every frame, like little windows that show the impossible, infinite nature of it all. There are also mirrors between the painting, but when Izuku looks at one, he cannot see his reflection.

There is a figure standing in the distance. It is neither near nor far, neither here nor there. It is tall, with long curved hands as big as it's torso and a hooked neck. It's face is long and melting, and there is smile on it's face that fits all wrong, too sharp and too wide and too curly, the edges reaching to the ends of it's ears.

It lifts a long hand and it's finger curls inward, beckoning Izuku closer.

Izuku looks behind him one last time, to a classroom that seems almost wrong in how benign it looks. He takes one last look at the normal world he never once belonged to, and he steps inside, closing the door behind him with a silent click.

-

A/N: Thank you so much for reading this! If you enjoyed this, keep an eye out for any continuing content I might write for this series. If you could, a reblog would absolutely make my day!

[provider-of-pronoun-checks]

okay here it goes

names : indigo, jupiter, kalypso

pronouns :

she/her/her/hers/herself

they/them/their/theirs/themself

it/it/its/its/itself

fae/faer/faer/faers/faerself

ae/aer/aer/aers/aerself

ae/xae/aes/xaes/xaeself

xai/xai/xais/xais/xaiself

ka/kae/kas/kaes/kaeself

meow/meow/meows/meows/meowself

mrrp/mrrp/mrrps/mrrps/mrrpself

cali/calico/calis/calicos/calicoself

fox/fox/foxs/foxs/foxself

arctic/arctic/arctics/arctics/arcticself

snow/snow/snows/snows/snowself

rain/rain/rains/rains/rainself

mist/mist/mists/mists/mistself

nebula/nebula/nebulas/nebulas/nebulaself

space/space/spaces/spaces/spaceself

lun/luna/luns/lunas/lunaself

kui/per/kuipers/kuipers/kuiperself

cassi/opeia/cassis/opeais/cassiopeaiself

hau/mea/haus/meas/haumeaself

prox/proxima/proxs/proximas/proxima centauri

aura/aura/auras/auras/auraself

myst/mystic/mysts/mystics/mysticself

sere/serenade/seres/serenades/serenadeself

chi/chime/chis/chimes/chimeself

ivy/ivy/ivys/ivys/ivyself

li/lilac/lis/lilacs/lilacself

koi/koi/kois/kois/koiself

splish/splash/splishs/splashs/sploshself

bio/luminescent/bios/luminescents/bioluminescentself

arcade/arcade/arcades/arcades/arcadeself

https/https/https/https/httpself

lush/lush/lushs/lushs/lushself

townie/townie/townies/townies/townieself

luv/luv/luvs/luvs/luvself

:D/:D/:Ds/:Ds/:Dself

<3/<3/<3s/<3s/<3self

???/???/???s/???s/???self

do not do if this causes you pain

Yooooooo! It's Indigoooooo, it's very cool that Jupiter also goes by Kalypso. I hope Kalypso knows how much I adore that name, it fits her really well, they truly did an amazing job picking its names, I hope fae know that! Plus, ae has really cool pronouns! Like, aes whole list is top tier I have to admit.

My hoard kind of pales in comparison to xais, but still! That doesn't make kas pronouns any less impressive, if anything it makes me jealous of how many cool pronouns meow has!

I think it's cool recognizing pronouns that I've done checks for mrrp with before and new ones that cali has never requested checks with! Well, I suppose fox did request a check with them here, but eh. I hope arctic understands what I mean, but I can see how snow wouldn't.

I remember I saw a lot of rains weather pronouns in the early days of the blog, it's nice to see mists pronouns loop back around!

I wonder if nebula had spaces hoard organized by theme? It seems like lun might, but I can't speak on kuipers behalf!

I'll ask cassi when hau wakes up. Ofc prox doesn't have to tell me, but I know aura likes talking about mysts hoard!

Sere truly does have such an amazing hoard, of both xenos and pronouns and labels! Chi really won the cool things lottery didn't ivy?

I hope I'm not making the blocks of text to long for li to actually read, but if I did koi should just tell me so I can fix it for splash!

I hope bio had a good nights rest, I know arcade didn't get to bed until late but heres hoping that https still managed to get some sleep! I don't know how early lush had to get up, so hopefully it's not to early for townie.

I hope that luvs check is somewhat coherent, I am sleepy as I type it for :D! Anyway! I hope <3 has a great day and takes care of ???self