#colm is literally so funny

[i-attempt-then-i-fail]

I just finished watching Derry Girls and I can honestly say I think it's one of the greatest shows ever. No, fr. The jokes, the sad moments, the songs, the all the wonders of the teen show in the 90s and the overall vibe.. like it's just 20/10. I am literally so amazed. I cried my eyes out at the ending because it was so good and hopeful and happy and amazing and immaculate.

Erin, Orla, Clare, Michelle and James goodbye

I'll always love you.

[artfulacrostic]

some of my favorite moments from the 1995 10th Anniversary Concert of Les Miserables bc it's BARRICADE DAY and thus tis the season:

the convicts during Look Down all being Valjeans from different countries

the bishop M is baby faced and has an angelic voice

the clips from the fully staged show that they insert whenever there is too long of an instrumental/to explain things

colm wilkinson and philip quast's confrontation makes me want to chew on my laptop screen. so good. so crisp

baby cosette gets spooked by a balloon popping during castle on a cloud but barely flinches and keeps singing

the entire cast in the background of master of the house bopping back and forth in time. they are so here for it and it's amazing

philip quast's stars. he's so fucking good. i'm insane about him

michael maguire as enjolras's little happy dance when gavroche tells them that lamarque is dead

michael ball as marius somehow gives himself literally heart eyes whenever he talks about cosette. i can see them. it's so funny

during a heart full of love, colm wilkinson and philip quast are so invested in the background. they're leaning over to whisper to each other. they are besties

lea salonga as eponine delivers "i know this house i tell you, there's nothing here for you. just the old man and the girl, they live ordinary lives" like a GODDESS she is EVERYTHING

michael ball surreptitiously wiping his sweat on lea salonga's hair during her death scene. mans is dying a little

drink with me features anthony crivello as a fucking stellar grantaire, and after his verse, enj comes over and puts his hand on his shoulder to comfort him for a very long time. complete with a lingering touch on the arm and everything. fantastic exr crumbs 👍

the clips from the full show of the final battle are hilarious. completely different cast (though only obvious to insane people like us.)

highlights include one of les amis right on the middle of the barricade doing like. a backwards worm he's so into his death throes. he always has me losing my shit

empty chairs at empty tables includes the fucking cruel choice to have the entire les amis cast of actors line up on each side of michael ball and just a step behind so that they're in shadows, all staring sadly at him for the whole song. gives the impression of all the ghosts of marius's dead friends looking on from the afterlife and demanding answers. heart wrenching. THIS IS JUST SUPPOSED TO BE A CONCERT, WHY ARE U DOING STAGING LIKE THIS

beggars at the feast has everyone in the background clapping/tapping along again. love seeing the thenardiers get their due appreciation

the 17 valjeans from other international productions enter after the finale and they all have their gavroches holding their country flags it's so fucking cute

and of course final encore with all the additional valjeans and the whole cast is fucking ACES

ANYWAY if ur looking for a production to watch that is good af this is the top of my list even though it isn't fully staged. it's sooooo. it's some good fucking food. happy barricade day!!

[copsecore]

15 Young!David Shaw Headcanons

(because me and @epsi-l0n cant stop talking about it)

he was a chubby baby. that’s all there is to say

his first word was “fuck” and that was frank talbot’s fault - he literally sat with davey for hours tryna make him say it and finally caught it on video tape right as gabe walked in

did ballet classes at the age of three coz gabe thought it would be funny

used to want to be a power ranger when he grew up - he, ash, milo and amanda used to play it together in davids back yard (how do you think ash broke his arm?)

gabe was a big fan of home videos so after he died (david doesn’t know this), frank, colm and marie got together and make a big movie of all the VHS tapes gabe made of david’s childhood - they plan to give it to him as a wedding present

he was homeschooled with the other pups but his favourite topic was always history, david was (and remains to be) a massive history nerd

used to hate spicy food - all the way up until he was 17

had that resting bitch face that a lot of young kids and babies have - gabe used to fake squaring up to him - the baby side-eye was Insane

a Feral Child - he once bit asher because he had a toy david wanted (they were two and ash still brings it up from time to time)

got prescribed glasses at 10 years old but switched to contacts when he was 19 because it was “embarrassing” that the lenses were so Thiccc

his first childhood crush was Simon from the original Wiggles (no, he can’t explain why, and no, he doesnt want to talk about it)

punched the guy dressed as santa in the dahlia mall in the face when he was six - gabe spent 25 minutes apologising

his favourite childhood movie was the Titanic because he liked the boat and didn’t give a flying fuck about anything else

a regular fight-starter, thank god he didn’t go to school otherwise he would’ve been kicked out of so many

he and ash used to scrap a lot, and they both have scars to prove it

maybe i’ll add more? who knows! not me!

[fernn-xp]

My Digital Circus/TADC Sona !!! it was so hard designing them LOL but I'm happy with the out come:3

here's a lil (a lot) more on her !

**🌙 Colme ⭐️**

☆ Trans neutral lesbian • they/she/he • 27yrs old • 5'5"

☆ Because they are always getting interrupted, they resort to charades. If that doesn't work and they need to get their point across quick, they either right on the floor/wall or if there's paper literally anywhere they'll use that

☆ IF they ever get the chance to talk, which is either when they are in a small group or if they NEED to say something real bad, it'll always be fast anf loud LOL even when they font need to be. It became a habit

☆ Her body is made out of wood so it kind of makes a click clack sound sometimes ^.^

☆ His control bar is usually high up, so if ur the same height or shorter it's probably impossible to get without help

☆ When they are sleeping it's on the floor so it's easier to grab at, but after a few incidents they now sleep on top of it

☆ If you cut any if the strings they literally will not be able to move and someone will have to carry her around before Caine fixes him

☆ They joked about hating French people alot before the digital circus and now they have a French accent LOL

☆ Regarding their personality, it's kind of hard to figure out? As they can leik ykno barely talk. But they are a bit of a ranty person, nitpicking small things when they get the chance to talk. Their body language is very exaggerated to get their point across also.

Other than being a ranter I would say they are /okay/ to hang around. May be funny to see them do charades n stuff LOL Maybe around people they RLLYYY like anf can trust to be in a 3 feet distance from them they're a bit more nice👍a bit snarky though

[significant-ace-nnoyance]

ahhhh you like six of crows??? i love that series so muchhhh

who’s your fav character?????

(also yesss an elumax shipper?!?!!)

hello? do i LIKE six of crows? I LOVE SIX OF CROWS. SIX OF CROWS IS EVERYTHING I EVER WANT TO BE I COULD CONSUME THAT BOOK SERIES I WOULD TAKE A KNIFE INEJ STYLE FOR THAT BOOK SERIES. KAZ MIGHT WANT TO BOTTLE INEJS LAUGH BUT I WANT TO BOTTLE ALL OF LEIGH BARDUGOS WORDS AND HOLD THEM CLOSE TO MY CHEST AND FEED THEM CHEESE AND-

yes sorry i do like six of crows :) very much! and that means i now love YOU fellow six of crows stan!!!!!

except now i hate u bc WHY WOULD U MAKE ME PICK A FAV. I REFUSE. I WILL NEVER. (inej followed by wesper) so inSTEAD i will list each character and why i love them :))

inej - do i even have to say anything. inej is literally my hero my fav my bestie my everything. i want to give her all the hugs i want to give everything to make her dreams come true kaz-style. her narration is just. EVERYTHING. like so beautiful?? lyrical??? she’s a poet an artist a literatureist??? and the way she sees hope in literally everything and always stays true to herself and her friends and JEBDJEBHEJEJEJDN I LOVE HER (also i read her when i was younger so i was like. 17?? thats so old?? and now that IM 17 im like theres no way shes 17 shes def in her 20s given the way she talks and how wise she is so i still perceive her as i did when i was younger like she raised me i love her) plus she’s literally????? cool af???? like she’s exactly the type of character my 12 yr old self dreamed of being (all spy and quiet feet and knives and cool outfits and long braided hair and minus the trauma 💀) but really besides being badass af she’s just. kind. and funny (her and nina <3 her and jesper <333 like u don’t understand how much i love their dynamics they breathe life into my soul). she’s just such a beautiful character and i could go on to explain every single quote in every scene of her that i love but we’ll save that for another day

jesper - ah. literally going to cry. AH. jesper is such a relatable character in that i ofc absolutley adore his comedic slayness he literally never fails to make me smile no matter what BUT ALSO leigh actually gave him so much depth???? and so even from an outside perspective (esp someone as empathetic and amazing and detail oriented as inej) you can tell he’s using humor to mask his absolute overthinking low self esteem anxious adhd ass (affectionate) and once you get into his internal narration? god. literally every word i just want to HUG him 😭😭 and tell him he’s worth so much 😭😭😭 literally his whole backstory and just the way he tells it and the way he narrates his interactions with people and the way you can hear the unspoken self hatred dripping from every word and joke and DNBEJEBDBR SOBBING. but it’s okay!!! bc he now has found family and wylan and 😭😭😭😭 besides trauma though he’s also so fun i love his abilities i love his quips i love his fashion his vibe his energy his constant flirting his genuine care for everyone around him his relationships with each of the crew members AND he had an oh. oh. moment. so jesper solos for sure

wylan - WYLAN. MY BABY MY BLORBO MY FAV MY DNDBNENEHJDDJ he’s literally adorable but also so capable and incredible and smart and witty and smart aleck-y and flustered and incredibly up for anything and adaptable way more than i would have been if i was in his position AND same with jesper i NEED to give him a hug and tell him colm-style that he IS enough and he IS worthy of love and he IS incredibly smart and talented and his dad is a FJSDLKFJALJFWFO ASSHOLE AND I WILL BEAT HIS FACE IN OMSKL no but wylans internal monologue like. hits. somewhere deep inside me. and. yk whats thats. thats fine. im fine we're all fine. anyways. hes also SO FUNNY like i can see why he was adopted into the crows so quickly he literally fits right in my lil merchling i love him

kaz - omg his whole work-obsession relatable oop and ofc he is an absolute genius and i love all his silly lil plot reveals that he saves for the last minute for dramatic effect (which are always SO COOL) <3 also i feel like kaz’s humor is super overlooked hes FUCKING HILARIOUS BRO the way he cultivates his whole aesthetic ironically to make fun of rich people who hate him???? cOMEDIC GOLD. and all his lil quips and shit like pls hes dramatic af the WHOLE time ALL the time he NEVER lets up HES SO FUNNY. also do need to give him a. socially distanced hug. am constantly sending hug vibes to him if you will. uGH kaz. love his brain love his lines . also. he's a simp for inej which like. me too bro,,,,, kanej >>>>>> literally can i steal leigh bardugos brain pls

nina - NINA ZENIK EVERYONE. can i just say i LIVE. i live and BREATH and DIE for her and inej's dynamic. like it feels like fandom content it gives what the fandoms want for pipabeth but ITS FUCKING CANONA ADLJIVASDLJVALSDJV also shes so funny shes SUCH a badass shes so NUANCED i literally adore her my fav bisexual queen lets pls go out for waffles sometime thank u. plus her arc like with the whole !?!!?? parem and like!?!?!? damn taht was some cool shit and also her whole like relationship with her powers and herself and her loyalty but also having to question that and like abkjlskdjvgklsjfldsj. AND shes funny like. your honor. i love her.

matthias - literally. shut up. crying. sobbing. leigh bardugo is so fucking cool all her characters are so nuanced and have such real and raw and changing relationships and dynamics with each other and MATTHIAS bro. also he has a woLF bro like rep for wolf girls everywhere amiright. and he's such a simp. sometimes im like. bro calm down like why u so dramatic poetic only kanej is allowed to do that. but yk he mostly chill

aaaaaand honorary mention: kuwei - BECAUSE HES SO FUNNY. like listen. listen. first time around reading when ur trying deperately to keep up with the plot twists and ur rooting for wesper ur like. KUWEI STFU GET OUTTA HERE. but when u reread (which honestly i think is the best way to consume soc its an INFINITELY better reread if that was even POSSIBLE) hes literally hilarious like. i love him. hes so jvsaldkjvl chaotic all the time like. pretending he doesn't know kerch? love. flirting shamelessly all the time with jesper even though its clear he has no chance? BJLAK we love to see it top tier comedy. just the way he throws off the whole dynamic of the group bc theyre all likie. ooh. trauma. plans. scheming. dangerous shit. and then kuweis just sitting there like "but I WANNA get on the boat to ravka 🥺🥺" and kaz is like "jesus chrIST" and ninas like "yes i support!" and kuweis just. silently causing chaos all the time just by existing and i LIVE for it hes so funny just. as a character. we appreciate the energy

ok i think i learned that inej and wesper are my favs. anyways. (also maybe kuwei why tf did i write so much. sorry i got tired halfway through just. emotionally exhausted from wesper and inej. and then i just wrote kuwei rn bc ive procrastinated on this post sm. so.)

aND YOU LOVE ELUMAX???? BESTIE MARRY ME RN OMG <33 sorry i used this ask to literally write a novel about six of crows and so it literally took forever lmaooo literally sending you all the hugs and wonderful vibes ily u person with amazing taste

[lilalbatross]

okay now that i'm done revo season 1 let's have a little post-mortem

1. Charlie and Miles are the best dynamic by a MILE and i maintain that the early episodes of them trekking through the woods and shattering each other's hearts was the best era

2. Kashmir is the best individual episode. no contest. Children of Men second place. the last three quarters of Clue takes a distant third.

3. you could have replaced Danny with a reasonably clever ferret and it wouldn't have changed a whole hell of a lot about his arc

4. Nora deserved better in like a million fucking ways. angy angy angy.

5. Jason Neville has the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair

6. sorry to what feels like the 90% of the fandom that hates Rachel, but the last two eps improved my opinion of her immensely. she's nuts 😍

7. please don't grab your torches and pitchforks, but uhh...is s2 where Bass really shines? cause there’s glimpses of it when he’s with Miles, but currently the main emotion i feel towards him is just a mix of pity and disgust. and by pity i mean he’s pitiful. pathetic. nothing particularly warm and fuzzy there lol

8. I still miss Drexel, that crazy sonuvabitch. best one-off villian. Todd Stashwick my beloved scenery-chewer

9. can’t fucking believe Charlie’s brand literally never came up. i wanted that moment between her and Miles so bad you have no idea

10. considering i said the american nationalism shit was one of my least favourite parts of the show, based on the last moments of 1x20 i am Not Looking Forward To Season Two

10a. very fucking funny that Randall Flynn’s last line was “i am a patriot.” sir, you are Colm Feore. you are absurdly fucking canadian. i should know, i’ve seen you on stage.

[zepskies]

So I'm reading your Midnight Espresso fic even tho I've never seen supernatural because I love your Soldier Boy series, plus size latina reader, that's me!! And then the "shouldn't you know about latin american myths" made me roll my eyes, like I am centroamericana y no sabía, because I've only grown up around caribbeans and my only non carribean friends are mexican (and they're still puertorican) and argentine, like so many gringos really think we are a monolith, like when I visited El Salvador recently my family would look at me in shock when I used Carribean slang that is accidentally a bad word, and I think a lot about the time my abuela got in trouble for using the Spanish word for pest (which is also a lovingly used word by salvadoreans for kids) y las viejitas carribeñas were so offended because this word means "penis" in carribean spanish, to the point where for my colombian sister it's just the word for pest but she doesn't use it because she has the carribean connotation for it, whereas my mom and abuelita called me this word when I was little, so like I don't swear in spanish because of an intergenerational family curse that caused a lot of trauma and the only way to combat it was propriety, but it's the only "swear" word I will say while I'm singing along to bad bunny

Anyways this is super off point, and I don't know how I got to this point (the long story telling in many stages is a salvadorean gene like the way uncle colm from Derry Girls tells stories), but I love your writing, and found the "I'm cuban, not guatemalan" line to be funny because yeah while speaking spanish with different people I gotta take off my "proxy carribean" hat or my "centroamericana" hat

Hola, mi amor!! 😘

First of all, thank you for reading "Midnight Espresso"! That one is very special to me, being a plus-sized Latina myself. 🌶️💅🏽

I'm also working on a Part 2 to that fic, tentatively titled "Shall We Dance." 😉

But getting into your actual comments below:

It's pretty hilarious how often I've gotten asked if I'm [insert brown ethnicity here]. Believe me, it's run the gambit. I guess I look racially ambiguous. 💁🏽‍♀️

But yes, a lot of people assume every Hispanic/Latino culture knows everything about the other, which is why I chose to make this reader Cuban (like myself). I couldn't accurately tell your Salvadorean experience, for example. Like of course, I can research a culture to write a character, but it wouldn't feel as natural or authentic for me to write as I did writing from my own multicultural experience.

So Dean's line:

“Shouldn’t you be an expert on this already?” Dean teases as you rifle through the pages. “I thought Latin American legends were right up your alley.”

It's tongue-in-cheek, but you're right, it's pointing to a larger issue about how most Americans view Hispanics/Latinos as a whole. 😂

And omg I could tell so many stories about me or my fam/friends getting in trouble with words other Spanish-speaking cultures don't use, or it has an entirely different meaning lmao.

For example, my Cuban ass was talking to my Dominican friend (I'm Dominican as well, but I tend to speak more like a Cuban). Cubans tend to "eat their 's'" on the ends of words. So I said something like, "aw, damn, I'm really liking the look of those tostones." Which of course, is just a fried plátano.

What her Dominican ass heard was "totones." Which for the English speakers in the room, is a woman's pussy. (Or translated more literally, multiple pussies.) 😂

I'm so sorry you've been scarred from cursing in Spanish, because it really can be so colorful and inventive. 😂😂

But I freakin' love Derry Girls!!! And I'm so glad you enjoy my writing, amor. Thanks so much! 😘❤️❤️

[musicalpilftournament]

Jean Valjean (Les Misérables) Propaganda

Submitted Actors: Colm Wilkenson, Alfie Boe (shoutout to whoever begged me to not include Hugh Jackman) Summary: Jean Valjean is the adoptive father of young Cosette, and a kind sweet gentle father. uckinh jacked as shit can lift a whole cart off a person BY HIMSELF - strong moral code that makes him very kind - immediately decides to adopt a child when her mom dies and he sees her gazing longingly at a doll bc the family keeping her is abusing her and won’t give her ANYTHING so what does he do the moment they meet? HE GIVES HER THE DOLL - he loves his adopted daughter so much that he carries a half-dead man out of the parisian sewers after a failed rebellion because his daughter loves him and he would do anything for her - literally gets visited by cosette’s mom as he’s dying and says cosette is “the best of his life” - did i mention he’s buff as hell bc i think that it’s important. He gets so much hope and happiness from raising Cosette, makes it his whole reason to live and when he thinks she doesn't need it anymore goes off to die. he can parkour and climb buildings, he's a bear, he learns law stuff just so he can defend people from getting unjustly convicted by the police, he makes toys for children, and he lectures Montparnasse which I think is really funny.

All Submitted Propaganda:

Jean Valjean is the adoptive father of young Cosette, and a kind sweet gentle father. He is also known for being so incredibly buff that police like Javert can recognize solely him from the incredible strength of his beefy muscles. He really was the original dilf.

fuckinh jacked as shit can lift a whole cart off a person BY HIMSELF - strong moral code that makes him very kind - immediately decides to adopt a child when her mom dies and he sees her gazing longingly at a doll bc the family keeping her is abusing her and won’t give her ANYTHING so what does he do the moment they meet? HE GIVES HER THE DOLL - he loves his adopted daughter so much that he carries a half-dead man out of the parisian sewers after a failed rebellion because his daughter loves him and he would do anything for her - literally gets visited by cosette’s mom as he’s dying and says cosette is “the best of his life” - did i mention he’s buff as hell bc i think that it’s important

He adopts Cosette and when she no longer needs him (in his opinion) to be her father he dies. Also he’s super strong and has a mysterious past so that’s sexy

have you seen him? jacked and a good father and he said #acab

Look I am sure you're going to get plenty about him. He is arguably the most iconic musical theatre dad of all time.

He gets so much hope and happiness from raising Cosette, makes it his whole reason to live and when he thinks she doesn't need it anymore goes off to die. He saves Cosette, gives her her first doll, teaches her how to read and devotes his life to her and to make sure she feels loved. It is very sweet < 333 this song is from the movie musical only but it's about his parenting and it's very cute https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K_jGxHBSP_Y&ab_channel=AliceKerby

On to the hot part: He is SO strong he can lift up a cart by himself and carry an unconscious human (Marius) another time, he can parkour and climb buildings, he's a bear, he learns law stuff just so he can defend people from getting unjustly convicted by the police, he makes toys for children, and he lectures Montparnasse which I think is really funny.

Charitable man of substantial means with a love for gardening. Has broad shoulders and a full head of curls. Knowledgeable in a variety of subjects from nettles to guina pigs to manufacturing. Loves long walks in the park. Has an overabundance of humility and love. Sacrificed his own happiness for his daughter. Risked his life multiple times for her and her fiancé.

Used to be a bit of a ‘bad boy’ in the past. Also absolutely jacked.

He's a good dad to Cosette who he adopts, and very strong

[heartoferebor]

Four songs on repeat

I was tagged by @eredins-a-king-aint-he​ to post four songs that I’ve currently got running on repeat and as someone who literally listens to music every waking moment when I’m not actively engaged in conversation or gaming/watching TV, OF COURSE I CANNOT RESIST.

Tagging @scylla-rammshorn @stand-up-and-fight-daleks @captain-flint @justleaf @punchsomeoneforme-willyou @imperiuswrecked and everybody else who sees this!If you follow me, feel yourself tagged I want to see more music!! :D

Number 1: Wolf Totem - The Hu

(There is actually a really funny story attached about how I found them but let’s just suffice to say that I was looking for a fancast for Guxart and ended up spending an hour watching The Hu music videos on youtube. They are RAD)

Number 2: Hoist the Colours - Colm McGuiness

The reason this is here because of 0:40. Me, at the beginning: nice! Me, at 0:40: ʘ‿ʘ SIR-

Number 3: Widow’s Peak - Odetta Hartman

I love this damn song so much, I keep listening to it (also, I’ve been tabbing out the intro on banjo! It’s the first song I’m teaching myself to play on the second-hand banjo that I bought myself as a late birthday present :D). It’s also the song that I took a line from to name this year’s Febuwhump Collection.

Number 4: Vocerah - Treha Sektori

I am always on the lookout for more tracks for my instrumental horror writing playlist and recently found Treha Sektori! Some really good soundscapes, ideal for concentrating and/or fic writing.

[daggery]

Jesper for the ask game??

first impression: iconic “spell forgive me in bullets on your chest” quote. when i read soc i always notice how he has the least main character-y introduction imo. in his first scene he’s mostly there to make it more lighthearted and show the bond btwn the dregs. he stands out more than the minor characters, but he wasn’t the pov character like inej and he didn’t stand out the way kaz obviously did so i hadn’t immediately recognized him as a main character. i don’t think this is a bad thing though and when i realized he was a main character i was really pleased because he seemed like a fun character

impression now: i just? think he’s good? i mean. he’s GOOD. something something he’s a criminal something something HE’S SO GOOD. like his conversation with inej near the end of CK directly followed by him going to talk with his dad to tell him the truth. he wants to be a good person, he wants to take care and protect his friends and family, he’s trying and he’s struggling and. i love him so so SO much. on the list of soc characters i really want to give a hug to he’s somewhere up there. also he wears lime green and lemon yellow together because he can and i adore him for that too. asks for an explosives guy on every job. ate a literal trough of waffles in apple syrup because he was dared to. not just girls! gonna get wylan’s ghost to teach his ghost to play the flute to annoy kaz. that’s why we call him wylan van sunshine. his iconic moments are limitless (just like my love for him) (the audience groans)

favorite moment: as always there are always so many but right now i’m going to go with all his moments with colm because i’ve been thinking about them recently, and his relationship with his parents in general. “i’m dying anyway, da. i’m just doing it slow.” jesper feels so much guilt but also anger because colm tried to protect him but wound up hurting him but above all jesper and colm care for and love each other so deeply and i!!!!! 😭 i love love. also going to mention when he talked about the oil market for a whole hour to stall the merchers because lmfao. for show jesper the first one i think of is when he shoots the card in inej’s mouth in order to join the performance troupe. when i watched that, i just Felt So Much at that moment. also the scene where he beats ivan

idea for a story: idk exactly but i do have some general things i think would be fun to see. i would love to read thoughts about an au where kaz and jesper are university friends. i would also love an au where kaz and jesper are farm boy friends. i have no idea how that would come about but i’d like it lol. misc kaz&wylan&jesper crimes but make it funny, because of that one part in rule of wolves where wylan said something about kaz only ever showing up at their house when he wanted them to do something illegal. also jesper using his powers more!! in rule of wolves, iirc, zoya mentions how the materialki work around wesper’s house was amateurish meaning jesper’s been experimenting and practicing, so idk that would be good to explore!!

unpopular opinion: i have only ever seen ppl gush over this scene so im standing here like 🧍‍♂️ is it just me. am i being dumb. but i have mixed feelings about the goat in the show when it comes to jesper. it was amusing and it was cute. but when the crows crossed the fold, jesper freaking out and yelling “so this is how i’m going to die?” while needing to hug the "emotional support goat” to calm down felt jarring and out of character. sentence 1 of chapter 11 in six of crows: “jesper always felt better when people were shooting at him.” he thrives when he’s in danger! it makes him focus! that’s like half the point of his later character development.

at first it felt like the entire bit with jesper needing an emotional support goat was there for comic relief and to intentionally turn it into a big fandom meme at the expense of jesper’s characterization. like the fact that ppl are saying things like "the conductor knew that jesper would panic in near-death situations so he specially brought along a goat lol" ??? but like, would jesper?? would he????? but thankfully the scene turned out ok bc he did his badass volcra shooting thing. the way im choosing to read that is that he’s just dramatic and wanted to scream about how he’s gonna die before he saved the day. i love the huge grin he has when they clear the fold and he goes to sit back down.

but fandom still latched onto the goat thing. which like, emotional support goat = good! if petting and hugging the goat makes jesper happy, good!! but it still reminds me of the Bad Feelings i had about jesper’s characterization in that fold scene so i’m still going keep insistently pointing to six of crows chapter 11 sentence 1

favorite relationship: INEJ JESPER BEST FRIENDS BEST FRIENDS BEST FRIENDS. they are so good and i am so happy that the show gave us so much new content for them pre-SOC, and whenever i see inesper fanart i get so happy. also height difference. hc tallest crow and smallest crow!! they’re just bffs i don’t know what else to tell you. and wesper of course <3333 lol i’m on a jesper&inej&kaz kick right now because of s&b, but i can’t wait for wylan to show up

favorite headcanon: wesper and kuwei become friends after crooked kingdom! maybe three or four years after CK, they bump into each other again and at first it’s an awkward Haha glad to see you’re not dead because last time we saw each other we all almost died and also wylan threatened to push kuwei into the canal because kuwei kept hitting on his boyfriend Or Whatever Situation, but slowly over time they all become closer. it’s a chill, slowly growing friendship type of thing where one day, years later, they’ve just naturally become true friends who can confide and trust in one another. idk the details, i just think they should be friends!!!! they’re invited to each others’ weddings. ALSO give him earrings. he’s a hot bitch who deserves earrings

[jasontoddsjuicythighs]

i finished crooked kingdom yesterday and here are some Thoughts ™️: 

matthias deserved better

i’m so pissed

the book was great but

fuck

my child

ughhhh

i’m so frustrated

especially about how he died???

it wasn’t protecting his friends or in a battle or anything

it was just

his past

i’m emotional

@lbardugo why

moving on

(actually i’m never gonna recover from this)

the angst!!!! the fluff!!!

angst w matthias’ death, obvi

but also wylan!!!

his father legit tried to kill him and i’m getting mad todoroki touya vibes from him

i mean??? the mom is literally in a mental hospital???

he leaves home and joins a gang of thieves and murderers???

it’s all connected

anyway

the wesper

“maybe i missed your stupid face” crying in the club rn

when they were at the hospital w wylan's mom

jesper kissing kuwei was something i saw coming but still didn’t like

but he stays with wylan in ketterdam!!

and wylan trusts him with money!!!

and accepts jesper's grisha powers!!!

and he reconciles with his father!!!!!

(can u tell i love jesper??)

kaz forgave him i’m so happy

“tell jesper he’s missed around the slat”

speaking of the devil

his development???

getting close to inej??

holding her hand???

i’m telling you i screamed

I LEGIT SCREAMED

when he and jes are arguing and he calls him jordie

ouch

also his and nina’s friendship never fails to make me smile

it’s so weird but i love it

inej and jesper’s friendship!!!

they came up with “scheming face”!!

icons

but honestly kanej killed me

kaz changed her bandages!!!

and found her parents!!!

and inej promised to cut out pekka’s heart!!

for him!!

and he was so worried for her when she was in sweet reef!!

and she didn’t let him scout van eck’s house with her bc she knew he needed to rest!!!!

i-

kaz beating up a gang by himself, dead tired and with a limp >>>> any other piece of mob-related literature in history

matthias, jesper and kuwei were so funny at the graveyard lmao

“ghosts!!” – the dime lions

nina’s power was

whew

and the way @lbardugo described her withdrawl??

when she raised the dead to fight the dime lions and then saved inej??

when she controlled the bones at the tavern??

mere days after taking a drug that almost killed her and still suffering from withdrawl???

whoever says she isn’t strong is clearly insane

when matthias died and she held his body :((((

i cried

my poor children didn’t deserve this

(she says about people older than her)

the cave scene!!!!!

tears. so many tears.

matthias went through so much character development and was ready to go to ravka with her

and was starting to unlearn all his racist beliefs

and boom

dead

i’m diving into fanfiction after this

kuwei is such a little shit i love him

still mad he kissed jesper though

the ravkans!!!!

zoya!!!

genya!!!!

NIKOLAI!!

leigh: “strumhond-”

me: *screaming*

i love how he basically told kaz who he was minutes after meeting him

it was interesting seeing the dregs and the ravkans in one room

the ravkans may be some of the most powerful people in the world

but the dregs are literal thieves and cool-blooded murderers

it was an interesting contrast

when the council of tides appeared in public for the first time in 25 years to threaten a teenage gang boss and he went “fuck u but u can’t stop me from doing what i want”

legend

jan van eck got what he deserved (finally!!)

his face when wylan was "reading" was priceless

he was a colossal twat, i'm glad he's out of the picture

i kinda liked alys

she was a bit dumb

but lovable

colm fahey was amazing

we did not deserve him

i think that’s about it

i’m off to read kos

byeee

[trippin-over-my-fandoms]

More Red Dead 2 thoughts from someone who’s never played it before-

I’m still on chapter three and I just finished the part where Arthur was kidnapped by Colm O’Driscoll and now I’m ignoring the main quest lines to pick up bounties (and google unmarked missions smh) because I’m saying his near death experience has messed him up because I’m making up my own character angst :)

Also my sister looked up when he dies because she wanted to know and ended up telling me it was chapter 6 and if I never play chapter six Arthur Morgan never dies :)

She also dropped too much info on one of the ways he dies and I know too much about ✨illnesses✨ so when she dropped that TB is one of the causes I fr went “Gotta love a man with a weak immune system” bc I didn’t know how else to cope 😭

I also don’t know what to do with money?? I had $3,000 dollars, and then some, and donated like $1,000 so I could get most of the camp upgrades and??? I still have a lot of money??? And this is after I bought my horse all the nice stuff too like what do I do with this money. I don’t even need half of the camp upgrades and I don’t even make camp half the time and it’s not like provisions are expensive. This isn’t fallout or skyrim.

I accidentally noticed how far apart Dutch’s eyes are and now it haunts me.

Back on the money thing- I personally don’t think we gotta go back to get the money from Blackwater bc I got money I don’t know what to do with. Like... what’s the goal after that point??

Arthur Morgan literally carries the entire gang on his back.

Need an extra man for a mission? Arthur’s on it.

Camp is starving? Go get Arthur.

Need better living conditions? It’s cool, hang onto your money because Arthur can just pay for it.

And what do they do while I’m out on adventures and hunting and all that shit?? They’re sitting around. Occasionally someone pulls their weight but then Arthur has to donate his single functioning brain cell.

IM KIDDING

I love this game I just think it’s funny.

Why are Dutch’s eyes so far apart 😳😭

Arthur Morgan is probably bisexual if I haven’t mentioned that before.

[anais-mitchell]

derry girls episode ranking that no one asked for bc i miss it and i’m procrastinating (also s1 episodes have no titles?? so i made up my own) also watch this show pls

1. 1x02 The Chippy

I can’t explain why this is my favorite episode but it just is. I’ve rewatched it so many times and I think the whole Fionnula subplot is absolutely HILARIOUS plus any episode with Uncle Colm is a delight. The chippy scenes make me extremely nostalgic for my summers in Ireland and I think the humor is top notch this episode with a batshit crazy ending.

2. 2x06 The President

The perfect mix of humor and heartfelt imo. The ending with James makes me cry everytime and I feel like this episode shows the friend group’s love for each other so well. The Colm/Joe/Gerry subplot is one of the funniest bits ever on the show too.

3. 2x04 The Curse

Literally not a single moment of this episode that is not hysterically funny. You got Sarah’s dresses, Colm’s stories, Rock the Boat, drug scones, high Granda Joe, “who put 50p in the eejit?”, “am I dead? is this my wake?”, and probably even more that I’m forgetting but I think it’s a strong contender for the overall funniest episode.

4. 2x05 The Prom

This episode makes me SOFT between James taking Erin to the dance, Orla taking Joe, and the final scene. Mae was a really fun one-off character and this episode just has a lot of really funny scenes and great quotes (ex. “is this where all the gays hang out?” and “there’s just nothing that doesn’t suit me!”)

5. 1x06 The School Paper

The wee lesbian episode!! Clare’s coming out feels very realistic and sweet and the final scene of the episode is one of if not the best scenes the show has ever done. There are also just some great little subplots like Mary’s laundry troubles, the wee docket, and Erin’s terrible article ideas.

6. 2x01 Friends Across the Barricade

Oh my god this episode is so good and it’s a testament to how good this show is that it’s not higher up. My mom grew up in Ireland as a Catholic and this is her favorite episode because of how realistic it is with the Catholic/Protestant divide. Every single character has a hilarious plot trying to connect w the Prod boys and Mary’s big bowl??? A flawless episode.

7. 1x04 Children of Chernobyl

Erin and Katya’s interactions are the highlight of the episode by far and the way the girls are so shocked that Katya fancies James lmaooo. I love this episode and Erin’s dramatic ass. Plus Orla and the chocolate fountain.

8. 1x01 Pilot

Feels wrong putting this so low!!!!!!!! It’s such a great introduction to all the characters and their dynamics, plus the setting of 90s Ireland. The Sister Declan scene is perfect chaos.

9. 1x05 The Orange Order

I love how the show portrays very realistic parts of Ireland during the Troubles not only when it comes to the violence and fear but also just things like the Orange Marches. This episode has some of my favorite Joe/Gerry interactions and the whole Michelle subplot w the IRA man is amazing.

10. 1x03 Father Peter

Okay so this episode is hilarious but the reason it is lower than it should be is because the Erin/Peter scenes are sooo painfully cringeworthy to watch lmao. But the whole Mary smirking scene is so good.

11. 2x02 Mrs. De Brun and the Child of Prague

Idk how this ended up so low on my list considering Dead Poets Society is my all time favorite movie but here it is, I still adore this episode. Drunk Clare is excellent and it has one of my all time favorite scenes where Clare’s mum tells her to not even breathe and she just holds her breath all scared LOL I can’t even describe it but it’s so good. Great secondary plot with Kaiser Soze too.

12. 2x03 The Concert

I truly do not think there is a single bad or even subpar episode of this show, every episode is hilarious and insanely rewatchable, this episode probably just has less standout moments for me. The whole suitcase of vodka scene is an all-time great though.

[butwhatifidothis]

What randomizer settings do you usually use. It’s always hard for me to decide my settings to make the game new/chaotic without being tedious/annoying to play.

Well, the settings I have on for this run aren't exactly what I'd call too friendly? Here are the ones I'm messing with rn

(...just realized I didn't click the Allow Random Traits options for weapons, wah was wondering where the funny weapons were at ;w; )

If you want an experience that can be chaotic but not tedious, I might would recommend this instead (underlining the most important stuff to keep in mind):

Force Minimum Growth: Pretty self explanatory, but unless you're completely fine with characters having a legit 0% growth stat (which I am lmao) then it's best to give them at least some chance for all stats to get a point on level up

Not Randomizing CON: This will make rescuing people more consistent and easier to keep track of, but this is mainly to make Ross easier to save from the brigand that'll likely gun it for him if you care to have everyone alive (which I do lol I just like making things hard for myself)

Minimum Movement of 5: Yeah you likely don't want to deal with at least four classes having a movement of 3 or 4 - 5 is far more generous and I do believe also overwrites Armored Knights' base 4 movement making them more viable in terms of having them keep step with everyone else

Hit Variance 10 Not 20: 10 sounds like a waaay better number to deal with than 20 to say that this can take away from hit chance as well as add onto it (even if the 20 is making some things have some hilarious accuracy, hey guys what if the Iron Bow had a base 66 Hit real quick lmao)

Crit Variance 10 Not 20: I have three units with a Luck stat less than 5. They get critted literally all the time. To me, that's hilarious, and I also crit all the time so it's doubly funny. It may be an issue if you're not into clutching your chest everytime you see the crit animation against one of your guys in the arena

Lowering Weapon Durability Variance/Raising Weapon Durability Minimum: Can't give an example on this run fortunately (for me lol) but I've had weapons with like... 6 or 7 durability fuckin' around with the variance too much lol

Note that I clicked Allow Random Traits but didn't underline it because this can be what makes or breaks a run not just in terms of fun but literally being able to play it. Had a run die because Eirika was a Monk with a Lighting spell with the Devil effect (has a chance of hitting her not the enemy) and it was just too much of a hassle even for as much of a masochist I can be with randomizers lol, so apply it at your own peril

DO NOT RANDOMIZE THIEVES: This is a rule I always always always follow, because otherwise there will be the insanely high chance that you won't have anyone to get to chests and shit in the sand which is obviously ass. Means that Colm and Rennac will be their normal ass classes as their surrounded by giant spiders and three headed wolves, but least you can guarantee your nifty grabs lol (note that their stats will still be randomized, just not their class)

Ignore the 15 in Increase Enemy Growths I just forgot to put it back to zero lol

Hope this helps!!

[a-little-slice-of-fandom]

I hope this doesn’t come across as offensive or stereotypical but what do you think of Derry Girls? I’ve seen you mention them a couple of times but I was wondering what you thought of it, actually being from Northern Ireland? (obviously no pressure to answer if you don’t feel like it)

Hello my lovely! This isn’t offensive at all, so please don’t worry. I’m actually so glad people are actually asking questions. That’s the only way people can learn and that’s something that should be encouraged. Anyway...

I adore Derry girls! I cannot explain to the buzz that it created two years ago. I still remember watching the first episode, going in to school the next day and literally everyone talking about it. It was the first time I’d ever seen not one but multiple Northern Irish characters, who weren’t part of a paramilitary or

And the thing about derry girls is that it was written by someone from Derry. And absolutely nothing is stereotypical about it. That’s exactly what Northern Ireland is like. The people treating bomb scares as a mild inconvenience? Accurate. Soldiers wandering the streets, fully armed? Accurate. The wooden spoon? Accurate. Michelle swearing every other word. So accurate. The all girls catholic school? I literally go to a all girls catholic school and their representation of that was on point. The way we react to rock the boat? Accurate. Ma Mary? The textbook definition of an Irish mother. The locations? It’s so fun to try and pick out places you’ve been when watching Derry girls. Even the dialogue just...hits so close to home in a way that I can’t describe. Every other sentence has some form of Northern Irish slang like “wise up” or “melt” or “catch yourself on” or the way that everyone starts their sentences with “here” or “well” or how they end their sentences with “so I did” or “so it was” is amazing because that’s how we speak. And I had never heard that before, especially not in something as massive as Derry girls.

Every single episode is insane to how close it hits to home. The episode in series one where the family have to cross the border on the 12th of July had me in fucking stitches because that’s what it’s like on the 12th of July. And don’t get me started on the Protestants vs Catholic board from series two. That board belongs in a museum because it’s hands down the funniest yet most accurate prop to ever exist. My personal favourite bit from that board is “Catholics love statues” and “Catholics go to Donegal, Protestants go to Newcastle”. That sentence means NOTHING to non-Northern Irish people but it had me (along with so many others) crying with laughter from the accuracy.

Also, in one of the episodes of series two (the one where the girls get a new English teacher) Uncle Colm mentions a place called Ballynahinch. And everyone where I’m from went fucking MENTAL over the mention of that place. Why? Because it’s super close to where we live. We recognised it. I had never heard anything so close to home mentioned in something as big as Derry Girls. It was insane the way we reacted to a singular mention of something like that.

But Derry girls does actually tackle some tough issues in Northern Ireland. Northern Ireland is probably the most homophobic place in the U.K. (and I think it’s the most homophobic place in western Europe as well)...but Derry Girls includes a gay character and shows her friends supporting her (notice how all the Derry girls are wearing pride pins in the second series. I actually heard they would redo do takes of certain scenes if you couldn’t see the pins clearly enough). The bombing that you see in the last episode of the first series was an incredibly dark time for Northern Ireland, and Derry girls didn’t shy away from saying “yes...that happened less that 25 years ago”. It also shows the ceasefire in series two, and that was a pretty important time for Northern Ireland.

Derry Girls is so important to Northern Ireland, and I don’t mean that as a joke. Derry Girls swept the world and finally gave Northern Irish people some much needed representation. Because before Derry girls...we really didn’t see ourselves in media. We didn’t hear our accents. We didn’t see our lives in programs, save for the odd historical drama about the troubles that focused on being dark and gritty and for some reason everyone was in a paramilitary. But Derry girls was funny and (mostly) lighthearted and showed the mundane parts of Northern Ireland but still presented them as meaningful.

Representation is so important in media. I (along with so many others) had never realised how Northern Ireland never got represented and how that was actually never talked about or acknowledged. But now we are talking about it. There’s another Northern Ireland based teen drama called “My Left Nut” (yes, that’s actually what it’s called) and while I personally didn’t like it as much as Derry girls...it’s a sign that maybe, we’re going to get more and more representation. And I really think this could open a door. We could start having more Northern Irish characters and more Northern Irish based media. I think Belfast is the perfect setting for an urban fantasy, and the mourne mountains would make an amazing set for a gothic romance. Three years ago, I would have laughed at the idea of anyone wanting to set anything in Northern Ireland. But now it’s a real possibility....and Derry girls and it’s success was a massive part of that.

So yeah,,,I really like Derry Girls.

[aion-rsa]

Best Horror Movies on Netflix: Scariest Films to Stream

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Editor’s Note: This post is updated monthly. Bookmark this page to see what the best horror movies on Netflix are at your convenience.

Is it Halloween when you’re reading this? If not we’re still close enough with fall here and the month of October almost upon us! It’s the time of year where we like our drinks spiced with pumpkin or apple, our flannel light, and the movies we consume scary. And lucky for you there are more than a handful of worthwhile scary movies on Netflix.

There is nothing quite as fun as embracing the spooky, the creepy, the scary, and things that go bump in the night. Thankfully we have horror movies to help us down these paths. If you ever find yourself in need of a thrill or a chill, check out some of the best horror movies on Netflix, we’ve gathered here.

Enjoy your tricks and treats.

Looking for the best horror movies on Netflix UK? Click here!

As Above, So Below

We know what you might be thinking: a found footage horror movie? Yes, this was one of the later adherents to a genre craze that got run into the ground during the 2000s and early 2010s. However, As Above, So Below is the rare thing: effectively creepy. With a crackerjack premise about the real Catacombs of Paris being a secret gateway to Hell, the film casts an energetic Perdita Weeks as a modern day Indiana Jones in a Go-Pro helmet. She and her colleagues make the unwise choice to go off the tourist-guided path in the catacombs, which is home to the remains of more than 6 million people who died between the early middle ages and 18th century.

But once deep below the City of Lights, the film’s dwindling protagonists find themselves crawling beneath a wall with the words “Abandon all Hope Ye Who Enter.” And things just get bleak from there. This is a ghoulish good-time for those who are willing to indulge in the gimmick storytelling.

Apostle

Apostle comes from acclaimed The Raid director Gareth Evans and is his take on the horror genre. Spoiler alert: it’s a good one.

Dan Stevens stars as Thomas Richardson, a British man in the early 1900s who must rescue his sister, Jennifer, from the clutches of a murderous cult. Thomas successfully infiltrates the cult led by the charismatic Malcom Howe (Michael Sheen) and begins to ingratiate himself with the strange folks obsessed with bloodletting. Thomas soon comes to find that the object of the cult’s religious fervor may be more real than he’d prefer.

The Blackcoat’s Daughter

Some kids dream about being left overnight or even a week at certain locations to play, like say a mall or a Chuck E. Cheese. One place that no one wants to be left alone in, however, is a Catholic boarding school.

That’s the situation that Rose (Lucy Boynton) and Kat (Kiernan Shipka) find themselves in in the atmospheric and creepy The Blackcoat’s Daughter. When Rose and Kat’s parents are unable to pick them up for winter break, the two are forced to spend the week at their dingy Catholic boarding school. If that weren’t bad enough, Rose fears that she may be pregnant…oh, and the nuns might all be Satanists.

The Blackcoat’s Daughter is an excellent debut directorial outing from Oz Perkins and another step on the right horror path for scream queens Shipka and Emma Roberts.

The Evil Dead

1981’s The Evil Dead is nothing less than one of the biggest success stories in horror movie history.

Written and directed on a shoestring budget by Sam Raimi, The Evil Dead uses traditional horror tropes to its great advantage, creating a scary, funny, and almost inconceivably bloody story about five college students who encounter some trouble in a cabin in the middle of the woods. That trouble includes the unwitting release of a legion of demons upon the world.

The Evil Dead rightfully made stars of its creator and lead Bruce Campbell. It was also the jumping off point for a successful franchise that includes two sequels, a remake, a TV show, and more.

Gerald’s Game

We are living in a renaissance for Stephen King adaptations. But while there have been many killer clowns and hat-wearing fiends getting major attention at the multiplexes, the best King movie in perhaps decades is Mike Flanagan’s underrated Gerald’s Game. Cleverly adapted from what has been described as one of King’s worst stories, Gerald’s Game improves on its source material when it imagines a middle-aged woman (Carla Gugino) placed in a terrifying survival situation after her husband (Bruce Greenwood) dies of a heart attack during a sex game.

Read more

Movies

15 Best Stephen King Movies

By John Saavedra

Movies

The Shining: 5 Things Jack Torrance Taught Us About Social Distancing and Quarantine

By David Crow

Handcuffed to a bed in their remote cabin in the woods, Gugino’s Jessie must face the fact no one is coming to save her in the next week… more than enough time to die of dehydration or the wolf prowling about. Thus the specter of death hovers over the whole movie, seemingly literally with a monstrous shade emerging from the shadows to bedevil Jessie each night. A trenchant character study that frees Gugino to show a wide range of terror, determination, and finally horrifying desperation, the movie delves into the shadows of a woman haunted by trauma and demons almost as scary as her current situation. Almost.

The Gift

Who knew Joel Edgerton had it in him?

The Gift is the Australian actor’s writing and directing debut and it doesn’t disappoint. Edgerton stars as Gordon “Gordo” Mosely. He’s a nice enough middle-aged man if a little “off.” One day while shopping he runs into an old high school classmate Simon (Jason Bateman) and his wife Robyn (Rebecca Hall). After their brief encounter, Gordo takes it upon himself to start dropping off little gifts to Simon and Robyn’s home. Robyn sees no problem with it at first. But Simon becomes disturbed, perhaps because of the unique past Simon and Gordo share.

Many horror movies understand there must be a twist of some sort or at the very least an unexpected third act. Even still The Gift‘s third act switch up is particularly devastating because it’s so mundane and logical. The Gift ends up being an emotional drama disguised as horror.

The Girl with All the Gifts

Just when you thought there was nothing left to be done with the zombie genre, in comes a shocking and original idea… one that has sadly grown only more scary in 2020 with regards to The Girl with All the Gifts. A brilliant little indie from Colm McCarthy, this underrated gem imagines a zombie apocalypse as something closer to a viral pandemic that lasts for generations…. and one where a vaccine is always just out of reach.

Read more

Movies

Evil Dead Movies: The Most Soul Sucking Moments

By David Crow

Movies

Zombie Comedies Ranked

By David Crow

Thus enters the class of Helen Justineau (Gemma Arterton). Years after a fungal infection ravaged the planet, turning the infected into “hungries” (breathing zombies), their offspring have shown a creepy ability to retain the ability to think, learn, and love… even as they crave living flesh.

Hence the students in Helen’s class, including her favorite Melanie (Sennia Nanua). The child is special… too much so when it’s believed her biology could create a vaccine that would spare anymore humans turning “hungry.” But to harvest her body, the military will drag Helen and Melanie through an urban hellscape which has reduced London to an abandoned refuge for Hungries and feral children who likewise hunt uninfected humans for food.

The Golem

The Golem is such an awesome monster from Jewish mythology that it’s hard to believe they don’t make more movies about him. Well now they have. The Golem isn’t a straight-up remake of the 1915 movie of the same name so much as it is the next step in the evolution of this grim mythological beast.

During the outbreak of a plague, Hanna (Hani Furstenberg) will do whatever it takes to defend her community from outside invaders. Unfortunately, and in true fairy tale fashion, the creature she conjures up to defend her community quickly develops a murderous mind of its own.

Green Room

Green Room is a shockingly conventional horror movie despite not having all of the elements we traditionally associate with them. You won’t find any monsters or the presence of the supernatural in Green Room.

Read more

Movies

31 Best Horror Movies to Stream

By Alec Bojalad and 1 other

Movies

The 13 Best Horror Movie Themes

By David Crow

Instead all monsters are replaced by vengeful neo-Nazis and the haunted house is replaced by a skinhead punk music club in the middle of nowhere in the Oregon woods. The band, The Aint Rights, led by bassist Pat (Anton Yelchin) are locked in the green room of a club after witnessing a murder and must fight their way out.

Horns

A horror vintage for a distinctly acquired taste, Alexandre Aja’s Horns is a bizarre fairy tale for adults. As much a revenge fable as a typical chiller, this movie which put “Harry Potter in Devil Horns” is actually something of a grim love story based on a novel by Joe Hill.

Daniel Radcliffe plays Ig Perrish, an outcast in his local community who wants nothing more than to forever be by the side of his lifelong love Merrin (Juno Temple). After her brutal unsolved murder prevents that, Ig swears he’d sell his soul to get revenge.

Funny thing is the day after he makes such a proclamation, horns begin growing from his forehead. The greater they grow, the easier it is to get sinners around him to confess their most hidden shames, and indulge in others. But with the clock ticking before he becomes a full-fledged demon, and his soul is presumably claimed by Beelzebub, there is only a narrow window before he can get revenge while raising a little hell.

Hush

In his follow-up to the cult classic Oculus, Mike Flanagan makes one of the more clever horror movies on this list. Hush is a thrilling game of cat-and-mouse within the typical nightmare of a home invasion, yet it also turns conventions of that familiar terror on its head.

For instance, the savvy angle about this movie is Kate Siegel (who co-wrote the movie with Flanagan) plays Maddie, a deaf and mute woman living in the woods alone. Like Audrey Hepburn’s blind woman from the progenitor of home invasion stories, Wait Until Dark (1967), Maddie is completely isolated when she is marked for death by a menacing monster in human flesh.

Like the masked villains of so many more generic home invasion movies (I’m looking square at you, Strangers), John Gallagher Jr.’s “Man” wears a mask as he sneaks into her house. However, the functions of this story are laid bare since we actually keep an eye on what the “Man” is doing at all times, and how he is getting or not getting into the house in any given scene. He isn’t aided by filmmakers who’ve given him faux-supernatural and omnipotent abilities like other versions of these stories, and he’s not an “Other;” he’s a man who does take his mask off, and his lust for murder is not so much fetishized as shown for the repulsive behavior that it is. And still, Maddie proves to be both resourceful and painfully ill-equipped to take him on in this tense battle of wills.

Insidious

Insidious is the start of a multi-film horror franchise and a pretty good one at that. Patrick Wilson and Rose Byrne star as a married couple who move into a new home with their three kids. Shortly after they move in, their son Dalton is drawn to a shadow in the attic and then falls into a mysterious coma from which they can’t wake him.

It’s at this point that the Lamberts do what horror fans always yell at characters to do: they move out of the damn house! Little do they know, however, that some hauntings go beyond mere domiciles.

The Invitation

Seeing your ex is always uncomfortable, but imagine if your ex-wife invited you to a dinner party with her new husband? That is just about the least creepy thing in this taut thriller nestled in the Hollywood Hills.

Indeed, in The Invitation Logan Marshall-Green’s Will is invited by his estranged wife (Tammy Blanchard) for dinner with her new hubby David (Michael Huisman of Game of Thrones). David apparently wanted to extend the bread-breaking offer personally since he has something he wants to invite both Will and all his other guests into joining. And it isn’t a game of Scrabble…

It Comes at Night

Surviving the apocalypse comes with a certain amount of questions. For starters, what do you do after you survive a global pandemic thanks to your secluded cabin in the woods…and then someone comes knocking? That’s the situation that the family consisting of Paul (Joel Edgerton), Sarah (Carmen Ejogo), and Travis (Kelvin Harrison Jr.) find themselves in in It Comes at Night.

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When Paul and his family come across another family in the woods seeking shelter and water, they hesitantly welcome them in. But this soon proves to be a dangerous decision. Having guests in the real world is annoying enough to deal with and it only becomes harder when you suspect that any one of them could be sick with a highly-contagious, utterly fatal illness.

Paranormal Activity

Ignore the sequels. Yes, you know they’re bad and we know they’re bad. But long before “the Ghost Dimension” (whatever the hell that means), there was this eerie surprise hit that started it all. A movie which was estimated to be the most profitable movie of all time in its day–earning $193.4 million worldwide on a budget of $15,000–Paranormal Activity put Blumhouse Productions on the map and is still a supremely affecting piece of atmosphere.

Presented as the true story of a young, and not wholly likable, couple (Katie Featherston and Micah Sloat), the film follows the pair as they attempt to document the bumps they’re hearing in the house at night–only to discover a demonic presence and some repressed memories for one party. A still brilliant exercise in sound design, tension, and the uncanny ability to trick audiences into believing what they’re seeing is actually happening, this remains the best found footage horror movie ever made.

Poltergeist

Before there was Insidious, The Conjuring, or a myriad of other “suburban family vs. haunted house” movies, there was Poltergeist. Taking ghost stories out of the Gothic setting of ancient castles or decrepit mansions and hotels, Poltergeist moved the spirits into the middle class American heartland of the 1980s. With a smart screenplay by no less than Steven Spielberg (and, according to some, his ghost direction), Poltergeist finds the Freeling family privy to a disquieting fact about their new home: It’s built on top of a cemetery!

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You probably know the story, and if you don’t you can guess it after decades of copycats that followed, but this special effects-laden spectacle still holds up, especially as a thriller that can be enjoyed by the whole family. Fair warning though, if your kids have a tree outside their window or a clown doll under their bed, we don’t take responsibility for the years of therapy bills this may inflict!

Red Dragon

The often overlooked other child of the Hannibal Lecter movie family, Red Dragon is no The Silence of the Lambs, no matter how much it wishes it was. Nor is it as visually evocative or luscious as Ridley Scott’s decadent Hannibal. Nevertheless, we find this prequel to both films to be at least worthy of association with the former, and ultimately more satisfying than the latter. A definite attempt to reshape Thomas Harris’ first novel to feature the Lecter character into a Silence of the Lambs clone, Red Dragon still has quite a bit to enjoy.

At the top of the list is of course Sir Anthony Hopkins as Hannibal for the third and final time. Definitely his hammiest iteration of the character, even a campy Hopkins is impossible to resist given the not-so-good doctor’s droll wit or distinct taste palate. Director Brett Ratner’s framing around Lecter is competent enough, and he wisely gets a superb supporting cast who can overwhelm any shortcomings.

Edward Norton is a compelling lead FBI detective; Philip Seymour Hoffman is delightfully repellent as a tabloid journalist who suffers a terrifying fate; and Ralph Fiennes roars as the serial killer who inflicts that fate on Hoffman. It may be no Manhunter–Michael Mann’s first adaptation of the source novel–but Red Dragon‘s the one on Netflix. So love the one you’re with!

The Silence of the Lambs

If you are only going to watch one Hannibal Lecter movie, this is the all-time masterpiece which remains the sole horror movie to win an Oscar for Best Picture. An absolutely gripping thriller even 30 years later, Jonathan Demme’s movie is an all-time great because of stellar performances and a sharp screenplay told by an even sharper eye.

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By Ryan Lambie

Movies

Best Horror Movies on Hulu

By Alec Bojalad and 1 other

Here is the movie that kicked off the serial killer craze in Hollywood during the ’90s. Yet more than the gory details, what lingers in the mind are little things like an opening sequence that introduces Clarice Starling (Jodie Foster) as the lone woman on an elevator full of FBI ubermensches, or the way Anthony Hopkins breaks his unrelenting stare to mispronounce “Chianti” with dripping disdain for the Yokel sent to interview him. Every facet of this movie works, and thus it hasn’t aged a day. We do recommend watching it with a side of fava beans, though.

Sinister

One of the better Blumhouse chillers to come out of the 2010s, Sinister is the case of a brilliant elevator pitch meeting a superior pair of talents in director Scott Derrickson and star Ethan Hawke to bring it to life.

The setup of the movie is simple: There is a pagan demon god who will consume the soul of any nearby children whenever someone sees him. And not just him, but recreations of his image on walls. And wouldn’t you know it, true crime journalist Ellison (Hawke) just moved into a house with an attic full of home movies stuffed to the gills with Bughuul. And Ellison’s daughter is right downstairs. Uh oh.

Sleepy Hollow

As much a comedy as a horror film, Tim Burton’s Sleepy Hollow should always be on the table when discussing October viewing options. After all, this demented reimagining of Washington Irving’s classic short story, “The Legend of Sleepy Hollow,” never forgets the selling point is to have them rolling in the aisles. And more than a few heads do just that.

As a film with the most varied and imaginative uses of decapitation, Sleepy Hollow cuts a bloody path across Upstate New York. In fact, despite its American setting, we might as well confess what Sleepy Hollow really is: a modern version of a Hammer horror movie.

Burton incorporates all of his favorite tropes here: The intentionally stuffy faux-British acting (even though all the characters are of Dutch descent); the exaggerated and formal clothing; more than a few heaving bosoms; and lots and lots of gore. This film is so perfectly macabre and gleefully grotesque that you might even be forgiven for not noticing at first glance how dryly funny and deadpan a place this Sleepy Hollow tends to be.

Splice

What if Dr. Frankenstein banged his monster? That is just one of several creepy elements to Splice, a weird psychosexual sci-fi/horror hybrid. Directed by Vincenzo Natali and starring Adrien Brody and Sarah Polley as the world’s worst scientists, Splice follows two not-so-smart doctors who attempt to play God by creating an entire new species of creature they name Dren (Delphine Chanéac).

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At first a computer-generated child with alien eyes and a roping tail, Dren soon grows from girl to young woman, seducer to… well, something even more unexpected. Weird, unpleasant, and ultimately unshakable like that one bad dream, Splice plays with ideas of identity, gender, and parenthood.

Sweetheart

Don’t let the name fool you, Sweetheart is very much a horror movie. What kind of horror movie, you ask? Well, after a boat sinks during a storm, young Jennifer Remming (Kiersey Clemons) is the only survivor. She washes ashore a small island and gets to work burying her friends, creating shelter, and foraging for food. You know: deserted island stuff.

Soon, however, Jenn will come to find that the island is not as deserted as she previously thought. There’s something out there – something big, dangerous, and hungry. Sweetheart is like Castaway meets Predator and it’s another indie horror hit for Blumhouse.

Tucker and Dale vs. Evil

Tucker and Dale vs. Evil is a fantastic little satire on the horror genre that, in a similar fashion to Scream, is packed with laughs, gore, and a bit of a message. When a group of preppy college students head out to the backwoods for a camping trip, they stumble upon two good-natured good ol’ boys that they mistake for homicidal hillbillies.

Their quick, off-the-mark judgment of Tucker and Dale lead to these snobs getting themselves into sticky, often bloody, and hilariously over-the-top situations. Tucker and Dale vs. Evil rides a one-joke premise to successful heights and teaches audiences to not judge a book by its cover.

Under the Shadow

This 2016 effort could not possibly be more timely as it sympathizes, and terrorizes, an Iranian single mother and child in 1980s Tehran. Like a draconian travel ban, Shideh (Narges Rashidi) and her son Dorsa (Avin Manshadi) are malevolently targeted by a force of supreme evil.

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This occurs after Dorsa’s father, a doctor, is called away to serve the Iranian army in post-revolution and war-torn Iran. In his absence evil seeps in… as does a quality horror movie with heightened emotional weight.

Underworld

No one is going to mistake Underworld for high art. That obvious fact makes the lofty pretensions of these movies all the more endearing. With a cast of high-minded British theatrical actors, many trained in the Royal Shakespeare Company, at least the early movies in this Gothic horror/action mash-up series were overflowing with histrionic self-importance and grandiosity.

Take the first and best in the series. In the margins you have Bill Nighy and Michael Sheen portraying the patriarchs of warring factions of vampires and werewolves, and a love story caught between their violence that’ shamelessly modeled on Romeo and Juliet. It’s ridiculous, especially with Scott Speedman playing one party. But when the other is the oft-underrated Kate Beckinsale it doesn’t matter.

The movie’s bombast becomes the movie’s first virtue, and Len Wiseman’s penchant for glossy slick visuals, which would look at home in the sexiest Eurotrash graphic novel at the bookstore, is its other. Combined they make this a guilty good time. Though we recommend not venturing past the second or third movie.

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