pansunset

[diphoto29]

It’s always good to press forward, but it’s fulfilling to look back to see what you accomplished. And with this these past 3 years have been a roller coaster. But the results of my change is showing, physically and especially mentally.. I still struggle mental health wise with the right foods to eat. Etc. but it’s still a work in progress. #sundayvibes #throwback #comesofar #weightloss #weightlossjourney #lgbt #gayweightloss #mentalhealthmatters #anewme #mentalhealthawareness #weightlosstransformation #weightlossmotivation #duodenalswitch #gastricsleevebeforeandafter #wawa #proudmoment #fitness #motivational (at Wawa) https://www.instagram.com/d_i_p27/p/CZFhEuQu0WK/?utm_medium=tumblr

[jamiesonwolf]

This morning, I asked the cards "What part of myself do I focus on today?" I drew the 9 of Wands from The Wild Unknown Tarot When I look at this card, I'm reminded of the spiritual journey that I have been taking. Every step that I take forwards teaches me something about myself. Though the journey has been difficult, there is joy there too. With every step, I have found pieces of my spirit that had fallen by the wayside or ones that I had yet to discover. Every step has brought me closer to myself. For the past while, I've felt like I'm on the edge of a precipice, as if the next step would lead me to a whole new different part of my spiritual evolution. I've been afraid yet anxious to take that step. I'm almost there. I just have to trust that Spirit has my back and sparkle on. ✨ #tarotreadersofinstagram #tarottribe #The_Wild_Unknown #thewildunknown #spirit #spiritualawakening #journey #everystepcounts #embracespirit #comesofar #justalittlefurther #precipice #sparkleon #shinebright #likeadiamond #cardoftheday https://www.instagram.com/p/CTjsrWtL1Tl/?utm_medium=tumblr

[thedurantrant]

Well. Dad does love his seafood boils. #CookingJesus #Brother #HeadChef #TheEden #Inglewood #YYC #SoProud #ComeSoFar #Redemption #Seafood #Boil #JustDumpItOnTheTable #Proud #Dad #LegendSevenBrewingCo #BeerDinner #Delicious #YYCEats #AWholeThingWithTheDurants #Family #WeAreABigDeal #LoftJon #Downtown #Life #BuildingALegacy #eijtb (at The Eden Inglewood)

[sccunninghamauthor]

💙 #memoriesforlife #loved #lifegoeson #smile #feelingblessed #happymemories #comesofar #beproudofyou https://www.instagram.com/p/CQ--xnrp0Nh/?utm_medium=tumblr

[brehliemaryann-blog1]

Recovery Thoughts: Day 343 of 362

I vividly remember back when I was first diagnosed with anorexia how I through a HUGE 5 year old fit over having to eat a 170 calorie granola bar. I have come so far....and so can you.

[itssiobhanchloe]

every day should be women’s day. 💪🏾💕 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ On this #InternationalWomensDay, I’m feeling grateful & hopeful... ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ G R A T E F U L to those who have struggled and fought for females to have the rights that we currently do. 🙅🏾‍♀️🎉🙏🏾 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ G R A T E F U L to the women in my life, on screen and in government that lead, inspire and astonish me on a daily basis with their brilliance, poise, strength and grit. 💪🏾💋🧠 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ H O P E F U L that I will tell my grandkids one day that common rights that they take for granted, like pay equity 💸 and fair & equal representation in society and workplace culture ⚖️, were rights that past generations worked hard to establish. They, of course, will think that their grandma is telling her WILD stories again...because that’s how ridiculous and far-fetched the idea of NOT HAVING those rights will be by then. 😉 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ One day... and let me tell you this, if anyone can, WE CAN. 👑🤔💪🏾😘 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ #neverthelessshepersisted #IWD2020 #whoruntheworld #GIRLS #feminist #girlscan #girlpower #grlpwr #womensday #comesofar #gotsofartogo #yeswecan #andwewill #🚺 #femaleempowerment #EveryWoman #👑 #👩 https://www.instagram.com/p/B9fph3FBNs7/?igshid=1j6zj12ntoakk

[michelleandrea250-blog]

~~•HomeSweetHome•~~ #feelslikehome #gettingthere #comesofar #stillsofartogo #embracingeverymoment #searchingforthosebetterdayz #butletsbereal #shitcouldAlwaysbeworse #makethemistofit #makethebestifit #growth #passion #love #serenity #changes #life #whtasitallabout #dejavu #reallife #reminice #nowifoundthathappyhome #justtryingtobebetterthanIwasyesterday #bigthings #friendorfoe #sosoreal #momentoftruth #justaskyourself #whatisthemostimportanttoyou...? #justuseyourhead #thinkbeforeyouact ‼️💯💯🔥💋🖤♥️ (at Victoria, British Columbia) https://www.instagram.com/p/B5QNwGElykt/?igshid=1f4u5uyh9n1qz

[bloodstaindfaze]

Damn, Blood Staind Faze 🎧 has come a very long way since I got out of the Joint, 2 years ago ☠️ My first stop out of the Gate ⛩️was to Best Buy to get my BlueYeti Mic🎙️ & my touch screen laptop 💻 to record on FL Studio Producer Ed (DAW)🖥️🎛️🎚️ Now look, how far I have come after only 2 years 🗓️⏱️ #ComeSoFar #IveComeSoFar #LookAtMeNow #BlueYeti #BlueYetiMic #CondenserMic #CondenerMicrophone #StudioMic #StudioMicrophone #StudioMicrophone🎙 #studiomicrophone🎤 #BestBuy #JustOutOfTheGate #FromPrisonToPurpose #Music4Life #MusicEveryDay #MusicIsMyLife #BSF #BloodStaindFaze #BloodStainedFaze https://www.instagram.com/p/BytGo-0l2o0/?igshid=24o0q1k1moac

[littlemisseveshouse]

2 years ago, Eve has come so far, so much happened. I honestly at this time avoided going out, i didnt think i would be like i ak today, just so used to it now its just normal to us😊😊 #2yearsago #comesofar #whatajourney #wasscared #honestly #ourfamily #changestolife #changes #lifestyle #childrenof_instagram #evelife https://www.instagram.com/p/BwHYJEMnkDh/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=14szc85chl9vc

[emmyann]

Ten years between these two photos. Going through old pictures, helps to reminded of how far I've come. I feel I'm hitting a stall and not doing as well as I could be. But looking back at how far I've come encourages me to keep going. #weightloss #vsg #vsgcommunity #10years #comesofar #stillgotawaystogo #butiamgoing #skullsandgreenday #somethingsneverchange

[courtsofstarlight]

I know this is nothing to do with books but I feel this is a big accomplishment for myself. Top photo is the first photo I ever printed in my black and white film photography class in the beggining of the year and the bottom is my “final exam” photo. I think it came out amazing and I’ve come sooo far in only a year. I thought I’d share with everyone. It’s makes me happy because my grandpa passed away last year and he was a professional photographer so I feel like I made him proud ❤️☺️😌

[tinkerbell-kns]

New post uploaded. Can't believe it's that time already enjoy guys #cherryblossomwedding2018 #blogger #letitout #blogging #cherryblossom #cherryblossomdreams #love #thebigquestion #origami #1000papercranesproject #review #comesofar #watchthisspace

[beforetheworldburned]

2014

I've got a feeling this is going to sound like Nicolas Cage's monologue at the start of Adaptation.  That's the way I sound to myself when I'm up in the middle of the night, not sleeping, just worrying about everything.  This is just for me though, so I suppose that doesn't matter too much.  I've got to do something.  I have to get this knot inside my chest away from me.  It makes me feel sick.  I don't want to talk about it to anyone.  The feelings are too dark and I can't handle all the well meaning advice and the words of comfort that in the end just equate to the people I care about just getting sick of all my utter vitriolic feelings about people and life.  I don't trust anyone enough to tell them how I'm feeling.  How are people meant to react when you're presenting them with your problems that aren't fixable.  This is coupled with the ardent desire for someone to save me right now.  I feel like I am dying.  I am not living right now.  Every negative experience kills me just a little bit more.  This is just survival.  I'm on auto-pilot.  Reacting to conversations, reacting to situations just as much as I have to and barely scraping by with any quality.  I just want to sleep.  I just wish I could go to bed and not think about anything at all.  

I don't even cry.  Everything is just too hopeless to cry about.  No, crying wouldn't work at all.  To have an effective cry, there has to be someone at the other side who understands your misery and can tell you that everything is going to be okay.  There's no one for me.  I want someone to have the emotional, financial and practical resources to support me and rescue me from this pain.  If I had someone who cared about me that much, what would I do with them?  Would I lash out at them?  Would I push them away?  All I have is me, and I'm beginning to accept that that is the way that it is always going to be.  Oh fuck, how much did I used to want to be married?  How much did I want someone who was just for me?  How much did I want that intimacy with someone?  What did I think it was going to solve for me?  I don't think that's ever going to happen for me, and if even it did, I would never recognise it.  I would push that person away so badly they would feel so badly they would wish that they had never met me.  

How is it possible to feel good about yourself after being *****?  Jeez, that word looks scary when it's written down there, right in front of me.  It's just there.  It looks so real.  This is why no one will ever read this journal.  If you talk about that, people look at you like there's something wrong with you.  It's been almost twelve years.  I blame myself a lot.  Am I ready to talk about this further?  No.

I actually feel like deleting that paragraph.  I might delete that later.  I want to be that girl again.  I want to be that girl who was so clever and excellent.  I want to be that girl who was excited about reading and wanted to learn everything.  What happened to you Victoria?  Do you remember stopping at the library every day after school and inhaling the shelves?  So, so excited about the next thing you were going to read.  Remember the day you picked up Catcher in the Rye and sat down, reading the first few chapters and couldn't stop.  How long did you stay?  How late home were you?  Did you read the book while you were walking home?  Do you remember the Pharoah books?  Do you remember how much you used to know about all those ancient dynasties, going to sleep at night, imagining you were one of them and how much you would have given to go back in time and experience all those civilizations for yourself? Ancient Rome, ancient Egypt, ancient Greece, early modern England, Victorian London.  Wow.  You thought you weren't everything you wanted to be then, but jeez, you were good.  You had everything inside your head.  That constant, secure existence.  No one could touch that.  That was yours.  Who are you now?  What have you become?

I'm not happy with the way my life is right now.  Everything has went so wrong.  I'm not who I want to be.  The disorder is crushing.  Inside my head is just a jangled mess.  I can't make sense of anything.  How can everything fall apart so quickly?  What did I do to deserve it?  If I asked my friends, what would they tell me they liked about me?  Am I a likable person?  I don't like it.  Where is the time to fix it all?

I feel cheated.  I was so hopeful.  Many of the things that have happened to me that should have been good, have been coloured by a horrible mitigating chain of events.  If I feel like it, I'll expand on it later.  The most betraying experiences have probably been having to do everything on my own.  When I was pregnant, I should have been taken care of and respected, not put in a position where I had to put trust someone who didn't even act like they liked me and broke me systematically, little by little, and occasionally rapidly.  I was meant to hand an infant over to a man who thought I was the only woman in the world and would do anything to protect us.  I was meant to marry someone who had my back, not a knife to it.  When we split, I was meant to meet someone who I would have a chance to experience that with.  Who knows, maybe get married again and have more kids.  Or not have more kids, but have a tonne of great holidays, great experiences, great friends, good money, a nice house, awesome cars that are fun to drive.  But defiantly get a chance to be a proper family with my kids.  Defiantly that.  More than anything.  All I got was someone who lived in their own obscure reality and did not understand me at all.  A liar who's best quality was their ability to make really terrible situations seem acceptable.  Someone I couldn't be myself with (further, what is 'myself'?).  Someone who was willing to leave me on my own during one of the most vulnerable experiences of my life.  How will I ever be able to give someone my heart again?  How can I even risk feeling that pain of allowing myself to be in love again, only to be left on my own after the interest in me fades.  Even that girl crying alone, with her head not quite resting on the couch, listening out for a car that would never come, seems like a million miles away.  

I've had such a debate with myself since those dark times.  The only way to get through that was to rationalise everything.  I needed to let my mind win over my heart.  I needed to go over all the reasons why it was terrible for me to actually be with that person I had wanted so badly, and convince my heart not to feel those horrific feelings of bereavement and loss.  Was it the person I wanted, or was it the relationship?  Was I just so desperate to feel that intimacy and tenderness with someone?  Now I am so numb.  I feel NOTHING.  Nothing is getting to me like that again.  The problem is, when you have had to adopt such a rigorous self preservation policy, you miss out on all the good stuff too.

 That's enough for Day One.  First day of Citalopram for a long time.  Time to finish off today, have a good sleep and take on tomorrow with just a little bit more gusto.

[deliciouscacaoqueen]

Up late snap chat filter before the gym selfie #snapchat #gym #exercisebike #ride #peddle #comesofar #bigcity #citylights #views #416 #fitness #strength #tdot #torontolife #blonde #hair

[tadalin]

As usual #comesofar #nonprofit #instadaily #senzaregole (presso Sichuan)

[chloezara11]

The ONLY way to get that weekend feeling.. ❤️🎶💃🏻 #LadiesChoice #ComeSoFar #Hairspray #musical #soundtrack #love #childhood #ZacEfron #NikkiBlonsky #music #lyrics #weekendvibes #dance #mood https://www.instagram.com/p/BndPwVEAbBi/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1ktjd16med4ey