#con: i cannot also take nap :(

[bookstantrash]

A/N: HELLO HELLO GUESS WHO’S ALIVE!!  After a long time, I am finally posting the very last chapter of this Pride and Prejudice fanfic (this time for real, it truly is the end). I do not know who still reads my stuff (I really need to update my taglist) but I wanted to thank each and everyone who spared a little of their time to read this fic and left a comment, reblogged and liked it. This is the first multichapter fic I’ve written and successfully finished. 

And special thanks to Sim ( @perseusannabeth ) for kindly forcing giving me the idea of writing this. This fic is for you Sim, and also for all the regency lovers out there.

That being said, this chapter finally has some smut, after all that sexual tension and teasing in the last chapters. It is the first time I write smut so I am sorry in advance if it deeply sucks. I hope your inner regency whores can be at least 1% satisfied with what I came up with.

This is also 10K, the longest I have ever written so everyone better be reading this because I will not be doing it again. I got safely rid of Sim’s disease.

Beyond my dreams

One day.

Cassian was getting married in one day.

Everything had been checked and rechecked to make sure nothing was amiss, leaving Cassian with nothing else to do except wait for tomorrow.

He hated waiting.

Hated that he had to sit still and wait for the sun to set and rise again, announcing a new day, so he could stand at the aisle and watch Nesta walk in his direction. Suddenly he missed all the buffet tastings and discussions about different table clothes, if only because that gave him something to do.

He had tried training to blow off some steam, overseeing the capitol’s guard from sunrise until lunch.

He had then gone to the Archeron Manor to invite Nesta for lunch, but her sisters, Emerie and Gwyn had blocked his way, saying he could not see Nesta until tomorrow and that they were going to spend the whole day “preparing her”. Even his sister, Georgiana, was there, waving goodbye at him as the door was closed on his face.

He ended up having lunch with Azriel and they killed some time off going to their favourite club in town, meeting up with Balthazar, which meant Cassian once again was dragged to take part in their ridiculous competitions. He had gone back to his apartment when he had gotten fed up with their antics, trying to read a book to distract himself.

He read sixteen out of thirty chapters when he got bored. Not even a nap made time pass faster. The day before his wedding still had eight hours and forty minutes until it was over and he was running out of things to do to keep himself busy. It was then that he remembered the file package that had arrived by mail while he was away at the gentlemen’s club with Azriel and Balthazar.

Grabbing his letter opener, he cut the package, spilling the block of papers on his table. They were about properties in the countryside, with information regarding their price, size, location and availability to move in. He threw himself over the papers, writing the pros and cons of each one, glad he had something to help him forget about how many hours and minutes the day still had. Cassian was so focused that he did not hear either Azriel or Morrigan getting in his apartment and walking into his study, the sun already setting.

“I cannot believe you brought work to the capital at your wedding week. We came here to invite you out to distract you and we find you working!” Mor exclaimed “Did you not have anything better to do?”

“This is not work Mor” he grumbled, discarding one property due to its location.

“Why are you looking at castles?” Azriel asked, having grabbed one of the various papers in the desk “Do not tell me you bought Nesta a castle as a wedding gift. I thought she liked Pemberley. Besides, don’t you two have enough houses as it is?”

“Give me back that” Cassian said in annoyance, snatching the paper “I have not bought anything yet, I am just looking at it. And it is not for Nesta, I already have her gift in mind”

“Then why are you doing this?” Mor inquired with curiosity.

“I am looking for a castle to gift to Georgie,” he mumbled.

“What was that?” Azriel said with a smirk that meant he had heard his brother vert well.

“I said that this is a gift for Georgiana,” Cassian said a bit louder “as a thank you present for being a good wing woman for me and Nesta.”

“You and Rhys spoil Georgie too much,” Azriel snorted, “first the horse and now a castle. What else are you going to give her?”

“As if you did not import those silks from abroad and asked Emerie to design new dresses for her coming of age ceremony and debut” Cassian said mockingly.

“You three stupid boys spoil that girl too much” Mor intervened before Azriel could reply and they started listing all things they had ever gifted the young girl “Enough of this. Rhys is waiting for us at his and Feyre’s home. God knows how much whining I had to listen to because he was all alone now that Feyre is with Nesta”

“So now we have to go there to listen to his whining too?” Azriel asked with annoyance.

“Of course. My poor ears have had enough. As his brothers you have to share the burden” she gave them a feline smile “My dear cousin also happens to have a rather large wine cellar, which I think we should make use of.”

“You just want the excuse of me getting married to raid his cellar,” Cassian said, but he began rearranging his papers.

Mor only waved a hand, dismissing his words “Semantics, Cass.”

“Nesta will kill you if you show up hungover to your wedding Cassian” Azriel noted, making Cassian roll his eyes.

“I am not stupid enough to drink myself into oblivion and bring Nesta’s wrath on our wedding day.” he raised a finger in warning at Mor “A few glasses and that is it. I am not ruining tomorrow for Nesta.’

“Relax mister groom,” Mor said “You and Rhys can cry together about how much you miss your wifes while me and Azriel drink.”

“Or maybe Azriel will join your sorry asses and whine about how pretty Gwyn looks underneath the theatre lights while I drink the wine all by myself” she added with a sly grin at Azriel, who muttered something under his breath and left the room.

“If you don’t hurry I will leave you both!” he shouted.

“Everyone but Gwyn has already noticed his affections” Mor sighed, lacing her arm with Cassian’s as they followed Azriel “They better marry before the next season is over or I will punch him”

“I can hold him for you” Cassian said with a shuckle, agreeing with Mor that his brother should be bolder when it came to his advances towards the red headed singer.

Maybe after a few drinks he could convince his brother to make his advances clearer from now on.

~•~

Any minute now.

Any minute now Nesta would walk through the doors and the ceremony would begin.

And they would be married.

Cassian was terrified.

“Stop fidgeting” Emerie hissed as she made sure his suit was in place “You will wrinkle my masterpiece and if my masterpiece is wrinkled I will kill you and Nesta will have to marry a corpse.”

“Sorry Emerie” Cassian said, taking a deep breath “I will try to be as still as possible.”

Emerie gave him a soft smile “You got this big guy”

“Oh, and try not to faint when Nesta walks in.” she added with a wink as she moved to her seat.

“Thanks, that makes me even more relaxed,” he grumbled.

You can do this, Cassian thought to himself as he took a deep breath, you survived countless battles and faced much more dangerous things than a two hour ceremony where you marry the love of your life.

“Hey, are you okay Cass?” Rhysand asked when he noticed how pale his brother was.

“I am going to throw up,” Cassian blurted out “Were you this nervous when you got married to Feyre? I should not be nervous, I mean, Nesta already agreed to marry me right? There is nothing to fear”

Rhysand chuckled, putting a hand on Cassian’s shoulders. “I was terrified while I waited for Feyre to walk down the aisle. And I spent the previous night throwing my guts up with nerves.”

“This is a normal feeling, Cass. It is a big step, getting married, even more to someone you feel so deeply about.” he added, squeezing his brother’ shoulder “You know that me and Nesta have our differences, but it is clear as day how much you two suit each other. And I have not seen her less grumpy than when she is with you.”

“Thank you, Rhys. This means a lot to me.” Cassian really appreciated Rhysand’s words. Not only they calmed him down a little but it also made him happy to know that his brother and Nesta were maybe getting along a little better now.

Music started and Rhysand gave Cassian’ shoulder one last squeeze before he went back to his place. Soon after that, Gwyn began to sing and Cassian knew that would be the cue for Nesta to enter.

If he wasn’t so busy getting lost in Nesta’s eyes as she walked down the aisle, he would have noticed that Azriel — differently from the other guests — was staring at where Gwyn was singing from the side of the front row of benches. The prima donna had wanted to make sure her dear friend’s wedding was as memorable as possible and — according to her — no one was up to the task to sing at the ceremony except her.

But Cassian would lose this teasing ammunition against his brother, for Nesta was so breathtaking he could see her and her only. It was as if the whole world had disappeared and it was just him and Nesta, even Gwyn’s heavenly singing fading in the background.

Emerie had really outdone herself with Nesta’s wedding dress, so much so that her earlier remark of him fainting was not so funny right now. As per tradition, the dress was white, but the arabesques and details in gold — not to mention the rich embroidery at the dress’ hem — made it very unique. The off shoulder design with sleeves that ended a little above her elbows and transparent white gloves created the ideal balance of modesty and daring — which was becoming Emerie’s trademark. Nesta’s hair had been braided down her back, the final touch being the full lace veil that was held in place by a delicate tiara.

Those few metres until she arrived at the altar were the longest of his life, and Cassian did not care what his military friends at the ceremony would say about the tears that were streaming down his face as he watched his soon to be wife walk towards him.

“Nes… dear you look stunning” Cassian managed to say as she finally reached him.

“You don’t look bad yourself” she teased, looking with appreciation at his well fitted black suit and combed back hair. Medals from his achievements were pinned to his suit and shone as they reflected the light from church.

“Dear beloved,” began the priest, “we are gathered here today to bless and join Lady Nesta Archeron and Lord Cassian Bardylis in holy matrimony.”

If someone asked Cassian what had happened during the ceremony, he would have to answer that he barely remembered any of it. He tuned out most of the formal chatter, too busy staring at Nesta and trying to catch her attention while she, on the other hand, tried to ignore him and pay attention to what the priest was saying. One moment that he did remember very well — and could never possibly forget — was the moment they exchanged their wedding vows.

“I am not good with words,” Cassian began, the sensation of throwing up having returned with full force “I have the tendency to put my foot in my mouth and say more than I mean or wrongly say what I mean. And then I start to ramble, like I am doing right now”

Cassian chuckled “But this is the most important day of my life. Of our lives. So I spent the whole last week writing and rewriting the perfect speech, one that would make all the guests cry and my beautiful wife ruin her makeup.”

The guests laughed at that and Nesta tried to hold back a smile, the corners of her lips turning up.

“I must have used all the paper I had in my apartment yet I could not seem to come up with what I wanted to write.” Cassian took Nesta’s hands in his, squeezing them “So I come here today, to marry you Nesta Archeron, with no speech but my fumbling words.”

“I come here today to promise you my bleeding heart, which beats for no one but you. Will ever beat only for you. I promise to cherish you, to annoy you with my presence until you ask me to leave and let you read in peace” that made Nesta laugh, her eyes lining with silver “I cannot promise that we will not go through hardships — Cauldron knows what the future holds — but I promise to do everything in my power and beyond to make sure we get through them, together. I promise to always stay by your side, to support you, to protect you.”

“I promise to love you with every fibre of my being. To love you until this life ends and into the next ones after.” Nesta was truly crying now but she was not ashamed of her tears. Let them all see how much she loved this man, how much his words meant to her, more than any riches in the entire world. “I promise you that we will have time to keep falling in love.”

“For someone who claims to be bad with words you did a great job” Nesta sniffed, and Cassian let go of her hands to brush off her tears.

“I should have brought a handkerchief,” he said, his thumbs gently brushing beneath her eyes.

“I also did not expect myself to cry that much so I forgive you” Nesta gently took his hands off her face “Now let me say my vows and make you cry too”

“As you wish” he said, hazel eyes staring deep at her blue-grey ones, as if he could not bear to lose a single thing that she said.

“I am not easy to love. And I do not love easily,” Nesta began, taking a deep breath “But I find myself loving you quite easily, and you in turn have proven to me how easily you love me.”

“When I was a young girl, I dreamed about a love like those in romance books. Dreamed about someone that would love me despite my faults, despite my shortcomings. Dreamed about a knight in shining armour that would protect me” she gave him a watery smile “As I grew up, I started to think that I would never be deserving of such love.That no one would see beneath the social facade I put on and love me for who I truly am, that I was destined for a miserable loveless arranged marriage.”

“But then you appeared with your teasing smile and annoying yet charming attitude. And I began to think that maybe the Mother had heard the prayers of my young self and all this time I had been waiting for you. Because there is no one else for me but you, Cassian Bardylis. There is no one else I would rather trust my heart with than you. I promise to be by your side forever, to support you, to protect you and to love you.”

Nesta had achieved her goal, for Cassian was crying even more than when she had walked down the aisle.

“You made me ruin my makeup,” he joked, Nesta gently brushing his tears away as he had done with her. The rest of the ceremony went by very fast, and when the priest announced that the groom could kiss the bride, Cassian’s kiss was far from the usual proper and reserved kissing at weddings. His army friends had whistled and Nesta had hit him in the shoulder, blushing furiously.

They exited the church with the guests throwing petals at them, gladly collapsing inside the carriage.

“I will find flowers on me until next week, I swear” Cassian said, taking one out of his sleeve and having no idea how it had gotten there “I am so tired. I did not know weddings could be so tiring. I cannot wait until we get home and can rest.”

“Oh, but there is still the reception.” he added “Do you think they will be there for too long or can we kick them out of our house when we feel like it?”

“Our house?” Nesta said, and Cassian started fidgeting, afraid he had said something wrong.

“I mean, I know Archeron Manor is yours and we will live in Pemberley— or maybe we can buy a new house here in the city. I figured we would live in Pemberley because we both enjoy the countryside but maybe you would rather live here because of your friends or will not feel comfortable there and would rather live in your childhood home—”

Cassian kept nervously rambling, but Nesta had stopped listening at the words “our house” and “home”. She had never really thought of Archeron Manor as a home, not thought about it with affection. The manor had been a cold and loveless place, and Nesta realised how alone she felt once her sisters had left, taking the small love and light the old place had held away with them. But the thought of living with Cassian, of having a place to call home and fill it with love… she enjoyed this idea.

“Stop talking,” Nesta said, shutting him up with a kiss. “I can live anywhere as long as you are there with me. We can keep the Archeron Manor as our city house. Or we can use your apartment if you want to and sell the Manor if my sisters do not want it either. And I would love to live at Pemberley with you. I adore that place and your staff.”

“Feel free to shut me up like that all the time, Nes” Cassian said with a dazzling smile.

“I can sell my apartment and we can use the Manor as our city house. I am very happy you like the idea of living at Pemberley.” he added “My apartment is quite small and I plan to have a big place with you where you can have as many books as you want.”

“After all, you only married me because of my library” that comment had Nesta blushing again.

“You will never forget that, will you?”

“Never,” Cassian vowed, taking off a petal that was stuck in her hair and leaning to kiss her.

They had kissed a few times, but Nesta realised that this kiss for some reason or the other was different from their previous ones.

There were the kisses from Before.

Before they were married. Before they had laid their bare hearts to each other.

But now there were the kisses from After.

After they had gotten married. After they had promised in front of their friends and family that they would not love anyone else but each other.

The kisses from Before had been good. Had made Nesta’s knees weak and made her lose her mind.

But there was something from this kiss, their second — the first being the one at the ceremony — After kiss… something that made it different from the rest.

And she liked this feeling. She liked it very much.

Nesta deepened the kiss, plunging her hands in Cassian’s hair, making him groan. She wanted to get closer to him, but her huge dress and the limited space in the carriage was not on their side. Yet it seemed Cassian’s mind was following the same train of thought as hers, for he laid her down on the seat, bracing his weight on one forearm to not crush her.

“This dress is stunning” he whispered against her skin as he kissed her neck “But awfully impractical. I cannot wait to pull it off of you”

Nesta felt heat low in her stomach, picturing Cassian slowly undressing her, his touch leaving a scorching path as he went.

“What are you hiding beneath this huge skirt, Nes?” he inquired, his free hand going under the layers of fabric and slowly trailing up her leg.

“Cassian” her mind had emptied out, she could only think about his hand slowly going up and up, reaching her thigh.

“What’s that?” he said, and she felt his finger trailing the garter belt she was wearing “What are you wearing Nes?”

“You know what it is” she managed to say as his finger kept its path, getting dangerously close to her centre.

“Oh I do,” Cassian murmured in her ear, biting her earlobe “But I want you to tell me what it is”

“I— it is not proper to ask what a lady is wearing underneath her clothes” Nesta said, clutching his suit.

“But Nes,” he said with that voice of his that made her want to follow his every word “I am your husband. And that means that not only I can know what you are wearing but I can also see it”

His hand suddenly left her skin, and Nesta wanted to whine in protest. Cassian pulled her up, fixing her hair a little to make it seem like they had not been making out in the twenty minute carriage ride from the church to Archeron Manor.

He opened the carriage, exiting and offering his hand to help her down. Meanwhile all Nesta could do was blink, her mind still fogged with desire.

“Are you coming, Nes? Or will I have to eat the five layer chocolate cake all by myself?”

At the mention of chocolate cake her mind woke up, and she cursed her body for falling so easily for her husband’s charm.

“As if,” she took his hand, their wedding rings shining in the afternoon’s last rays of sun.

Her ring had a ruby of considerable size, with two small dark green stones beside it, whereas Cassian’s had a blue diamond.

“The exact shade of your eyes,” he had said, low enough only for her ears as they exchanged rings “I spent a long time searching for it.”

“And what about my ring?” she had asked, arching an eyebrow.

“Why, it’s my favourite colour surrounded by the colour of my eyes” he had answered, innocently blinking his hazel eyes.

Nesta had rolled her eyes at him but her traitorous smile gave away how much she had liked their rings. Wedding rings commonly marked that the person who wore them had a partner, that they were taken. However, Cassian had taken it a step further, making their rings reflect the other… another claiming of its own.

She had been married for less than a day, yet she was finding out that her husband was more romantic than he let on.

~•~

“Ems, this is scandalous!” Gwyn shouted, her face getting red.

“That is my goal in life,” Emerie said with a snort.

“But… is it bad? Do you think I might have gone overboard?” she added hesitantly, fearing having ruined Nesta’ special day.

“Of course not!!” Gwyn said hastily, easing her friend’s worries “This is the perfect kind of scandalous. You are a trend setter, Emerie. I am sure all the other newlyweds ladies in society will want this design once you officially put it in store.”

“Thank you,” Emerie felt her worries getting lighter at Gwyn’s words. She had designed this lingerie set specially for Nesta, and it was very different from the other pieces of the current time.

“How long are you two going to talk as if I am not here?” Nesta inquired with a raised eyebrow “I feel like a doll being dressed up.”

“Forgive us, your ladyship” Emerie said, doing a mock bow. As it was customary, after the wedding reception had ended Nesta had gone up to the dressing room while Cassian waited in their bedroom. Emerie and Gwyn were the ones who would help her get ready for the wedding night, Feyre and Elain having helped her get ready for the wedding ceremony. She had thought her friends would be less noisy than her sisters had been, but maybe she had put too much faith in them.

“You are all set Nesta” Gwyn declared, making the finishing touch in her hair, which had been arranged in a simpler manner, without all the billion pins to hold the hairstyle.

“I will not walk there wearing only this” Nesta said, indicating the scandalous design “I need something to cover me up. What if Cassian does not like this or what if he finds me lacking in some way, I—”

“Nesta, I would have thought you out of all people would not be nervous” Emerie said with surprise, touching Nesta’s arm “It is clear as day how infatuated with you Cassian is. For Mother's sake, he would never find you lacking in any manner”

“He has a bigger chance of fainting when he sees you than anything. And you will end up needing to call the doctors on your wedding night” Gwyn pointed out, but she took a silk robe out of one box “But if it will help you feel less nervous, Emerie had prepared in advance this silk robe”

“If anything, when you take off the robe the impact will be even bigger” Emerie teased.

“Thank you, for everything” Nesta said, feeling a little stronger now her body was covered up. She had always been a confident woman, yet the idea of someone seeing her in such a vulnerable way made her feel extremely anxious. Suddenly she could not help but wonder if her toned legs from her years practising ballet and ballroom dancing were considerable “sexy”, if her breasts were not weirdly shaped, if the freckles on her shoulders and back were too noticeable or if she should have applied foundation on it to get the spotless skin most ladies at society aimed for.

“You look amazing Nesta” Gwyn assured her “Now go! Poor Cassian has waited a long time to be with his wife after all”

Nesta stood in front of the door connecting her dressing room with the bedroom a few more minutes after Emerie and Gwyn had left through the common door that led to the hallway. Her nerves were coming back, slowly creeping up on her, and she did not know if the knots in her stomach were butterflies or the sudden need to throw up.

Taking a deep breath, she opened the door to find Cassian lazily lying down on a chaise lounge, eyes closed and a glass of what Nesta supposed was scotch on his hand.

“I can’t believe we’re finally alone,” Cassian sighed as Nesta entered their room, closing the door behind her.

She snorted, trying to ease the tension and nervousness she felt.

“Men. They only have one thing on their mind” she hugged her silk robe tighter around herself, cursing Emerie for making her wear that to her wedding night with Cassian.

“What do you mean Nesta?” Cassian asked, setting his glass on the small table near him and sitting up.

“Please, I am not that naive to not know that on their wedding day there is only one thing on every man’s mind” Nesta remarked with a roll of her eyes.

“What?” Cassian frowned, standing up and walking towards her. He was barefoot, having ditched his overcoat, vest and tie, wearing only a white shirt with the first buttons undone, the sleeves rolled up.

Nesta got momentarily distracted by his attire, especially when he stopped in front of her. The last time they had been together unchaperoned had been their night at the theatre, the hurricane of wedding preparations having fallen on both of them again after that. And of course the dinner party that Elain and Lucien had organised at their new house.

It had been a small reunion, just for the new couple to celebrate their wedding among family and close friends. Nesta had arrived a little earlier than the other guests, but she had yet to see Cassian even after an hour since the official starting time. She had been coming back from the powder room when her fianceé had finally decided to appear.

Nesta was turning down the hallway when she collided with a hard surface. She’d have fallen had not said hard surface moved and stopped her.

“Missed me so much you had to throw yourself at me at the first opportunity Nes?” Cassian had teased with a smirk, his arm around her waist holding her tight against his body.

“Keep telling yourself that” she had said, trying to not blush as she felt a rather large bulge through his pants, her dress’ skirts doing nothing to block it given how close to each other they were.

They had kissed more than once, and after that day in her office and their kiss at the library Nesta wanted to scream at her body for still reacting the way it did when it came to Cassian.

Cassian had only shaken his head and righted her, leaving a tender kiss on her cheek.

“Let us return then, my dear. I am sure the other guests at least are missing my shining presence” he had said with a wink, and Nesta only rolled her eyes in fake annoyance as he escorted her back to the party.

“Nesta, look at me” Cassian stopped in front of her, gently grabbing her chin and making her look up.

“You are not wrong to say that I was anxious for our wedding night.” he said “Yes, we have to consummate our marriage and I do know that there are men out there whose only thoughts in their minds at their wedding day is the consummation. But I was also really looking forward to being alone with you because Cauldron, it has been so annoying having chaperones with us all the time when all I want is to talk to you on your own.”

“Oh,” Nesta felt shame for having raised back her ice walls and assuming the worst from Cassian when she knew he was not shallow and rude like most men.

“My dear stubborn wife, now that we are married no one can stop us from being alone because it is not considered inappropriate any longer. And that is what I meant when you walked in.” Cassian flicked her nose, grasping her hand and tugging her towards the chaise lounge “I asked for a bottle of that wine you like to be brought. Unless you would rather drink scotch with me”

“I will take the wine, thank you” Nesta twisted her nose at the idea of drinking scotch. Her alcohol tolerance had grown, and she had tried a couple of new drinks with Gwyn and Emerie since they came back to the city, but she still could not stomach such hard drinks.

Cassian poured her a glass, getting back his glass and clicking it with hers.

“Cassian, can you turn away for a moment?” Nesta asked, the wine giving her the final push she needed to take a leap of faith.

He promptly turned away “Whatever my wife wishes for shall be done”

“No peeking!” Nesta warned, and she could hear Cassian mumbling something beneath his breath, but he stayed put and did not look.

She tossed off the rest of her wine, unting her robe and letting it fall to the floor.

“You can look now” her voice was barely louder than a whisper, but Cassian heard it nonetheless. He turned around, choking on the scotch he was drinking and almost letting the glass slip from his hands. He put it beside her now empty wine glass, his eyes not leaving her for even a second.

“Please say something” Nesta was a minute away from snatching her robe back and hiding under the covers.

“I—” Cassian ran a hand through his hair “I am afraid I lack words to describe just how absolutely stunning you look”

Placing his hands on her waist and tugging her close, Cassian took his sweet time looking at her. Nesta wore an almost transparent lace bralette in white that left little to imagination, supported by three strings that highlighted her generous cleavage. The bralette had a short strap that connected to a transparent lace short skirt, which partially hid the rest of the matching set.

“I suppose I have Emerie to thank for the incredible attire my wife is wearing,” he said in a reverent voice, his thumbs drawing lazy patterns on her waist.

“I am glad it reached your expectations,” she tried to appear unbothered, yet his reaction filled her with satisfaction.

“Nesta darling, you could never disappoint me” he promised, brushing his thumbs on the bare skin of her waist “If anything you always manage to surprise and leave me speechless”

“My goal in life” she replied, her fingers playing with his shirt’s buttons “But I wish you would not call me darling”

“Why?” he asked with curiosity.

“Because that is what Rhysand always call Feyre when they are being sickly affectionate in public” she twisted her nose in disgust.

“What endearments am I allowed then?” he inquired.

“Well let me think,'' Nesta unbuttoned one of his buttons “Nes, for everyday” pop, another button “My sweetheart for Sunday’s” pop pop, two more buttons off “And Goddess divine. But only on very special occasions” pop, there went the last button.

“And what shall I call you when I am cross?” Cassian barely moved as Nesta slowly trailed her fingertips over his very very defined abdomen.

“Can you really stay cross at me?” she asked, and Cassian took a sharp intake of breath when her fingers got dangerously low.

“Touchè,” trying to get back the upper hand on the situation, he moved his hands higher, now skimming the underside of her lace covered breasts “What shall you call me when you are cross? For we know that I excel in getting a raise out of you”

“That is true,” Nesta said with a small smile “What about... Mr.Archeron?”

“No,” Cassian replied, moving one hand to tuck a stray hair behind her ear “No”

Being born as a low commoner from a single seamstress, Cassian did not have a surname until he had been adopted by Rhysand’s parents and given their surname: Bardylis. An old surname, from an old family with old riches and plenty of history. Cassian had been grateful for being given a warm bed, more food than he could possibly eat and a surname that allowed him privileges such as an education and recognition in high society. But even though he loved his brother, his sister and adoptive mother, he had never felt like a true Bardylis, like part of the family. Never felt that sense of belonging.

Yet with Nesta he felt that. Felt that he belonged. Felt like building a family with her. And he would like to have something that would identify him as hers that went even beyond their wedding rings.

So when they got married Cassian had taken Nesta’s surname and became Cassian Archeron. Nesta would still be head of the house and manage the family business, but now she did not have to do it alone. Now she would have Cassian to lean on when things got difficult.

“You may only call me Mr. Archeron when you are completely and perfectly and incandescently happy” he said, his eyes so full of adoration that Nesta could not imagine being happier than she was in that moment.

“Well then,” she got on her tiptoes, her hands moving to cup his face “how are you this fine evening… Mr. Archeron?”

Cassian smiled, and Nesta repeated her last words, kissing his chin “Mr. Archeron”

“Mr. Archeron” she said again, kissing his nose, and she could feel Cassian tightening his hold on her, supporting her.

“Mr. Archeron” a kiss on the corner of his lips “Mr. Archeron” she finally kissed his lips and Cassinan was thankful he would be the only man in Nesta’s life for she had gotten awfully good at kissing in such a short time. Nesta was gifted in a lot of areas, and if she did not know how to do something she would practise until she excelled at it. And Cassian was indeed very pleased with himself that he was the subject of her practice.

Nesta nipped his bottom lip, making Cassian groan. She was getting too good at kissing.

Her hands left his face, returning to their wandering over his body, going to his shoulders and pushing his shirt off. Cassian briefly let go of her to help discard his shirt — which ended up on the floor near her robe — but his lips soon found hers again, unable to leave her for too long. The atmosphere changed, all those months of longing and the past few weeks of waiting crashing down over them at the same time, the desire and passion they held for each other out in the open. And this time no one was there to stop them. There was no need to bear in mind the proper etiquette they should have, for they were married at last.

Cassian’s hands went to the back of Nesta’s thighs, and this time he did not have to tell her what to do. As if it was second nature, her legs wrapped around his waist and he carried her over to the bed, the gentle way in which he laid her so at odds with their passionate kissing. Nesta moaned when she felt all of Cassian against all of her, being able to feel how hard he was. She moved her hands to his pants, wanting him to get rid of them, but Cassian had other plans.

“Eager aren’t we?” he chuckled, grabbing her hands in one of his and pinning them above her head, his grip firm but not so tight that she could not shake him off if she wanted to.

“I have had a very long time to think of what to do with you, Nes” he added in a murmur, grazing his nose over her neck “I am a very generous lover, and I plan to take my sweet time pleasuring you”

“So I need you to be a good girl and behave. Can you do that for me?” Cassian asked, kissing that spot behind her ear that drove her mad. His words made Nesta hot all over, and she felt herself relaxing, obeying him.

“Such a good wife that I have” he let go of her hands, slowly moving down her body. He unhooked the strap that held the skirt, discarding it on the floor. Cassian spread her legs apart, softly kissing her inner thigh “While I was waiting for you I found a very interesting book on your bedside drawer. Who would have guessed that Nesta Archeron read such dirty books”

Nesta mentally kicked herself for forgetting to lock her drawer, the last minute wedding preparations making her careless. They would be staying just one day at the city before departing for Pemberely, so Nesta had felt like it was not necessary to prepare the main suite — which had been her parents and had been locked gathering dust since her father’s passing — when her room had a bed big enough for both of them. She was now regretting her choice.

“You looked through my things?” she hissed, both angry and embarrassed.

“I was getting bored,” he shrugged “I wondered if you had any books left unpacked to help me pass the time”

Cassian had read barely five chapters before closing the book. Picturing Nesta as the female lead while reading the smutty scenes was definitely not helping him control himself, and he had opened the scotch bottle in hopes that the alcohol would calm him down a bit before she arrived in the room.

“We should do a book club,” if that book had been good for anything is that it had given Cassian an idea of what kind of things Nesta might be interested in “I could help you recreate some of your favourite scenes”

“Shut up Cassian, I am divorcing you” Nesta snarled, although the thought of Cassian doing to her the same things that the male characters in her books did to the female leads made her toes curl.

“You will not be saying that once I am done with you” he pulled her flimsy undergarments down, throwing it aside and burying his mouth between her legs. The first flick of his tongue against her clit had Nesta moaning, hands grabbing his hair.

Her imagination and her own hand could not do justice to what Cassian was making her feel. He kept his promise, taking his time with her. He ran his tongue downward in an unhurried sweep, and when he slid his tongue straight into her core Nesta pulled on his hair, the action only making him double his efforts in pleasing her. He grabbed her thighs, placing them on his shoulders so his tongue could reach even deeper, curling into her.

Nesta whimpered, and she did not know if she was pulling his hair to bring him closer or push him away. All she knew was that she felt hot all over, her body tingling with pleasure.

“Do you like this?” Cassian sucked her swollen nub, teeth nipping “Tell me what you like Nes” he flicked his tongue again and again there.

“I— Cassian don’t stop” she moaned, her body grasping for that mind blowing release that drifted closer and closer with his actions.

“Would not dream of it,” he said against her, pushing a finger inside her.

Nesta cried out, the sensation different from when she used her own fingers. Cassian kept pumping his finger in and out of her while his tongue went back to teasing the spot at the apex of her legs.

More more more, that was all Nesta could think about, her mind going blank and her body acting on its own. She was so lost in pleasure that she could not muster enough shame to feel embarrassed by the way her hips ondulated against him, driving his finger deeper.

“I wanted to take things slow Nesta,” Cassian sighed, withdrawing his finger and making Nesta cry out in protest “but you are making it very hard to hold myself back”

“But if my dear wife wants more….” he plunged back in with two fingers, and Nesta gasped, the stretch bordering the thin line between pain and pleasure “then she shall get it”

She truly let go then, not caring if she was too loud and someone heard her. She rode his hand, his face, grinding into him, all while Cassian tasted and savoured her, those fingers of his — thicker and bigger than hers, reaching places she could not and driving her mad with pleasure — stretching and filling her.

“Cassian— I am so close” Nesta pleaded, and he doubled his efforts, fingers pumping and pumping, tongue and lips moving against her, as if he was a starved man and only Nesta could satiate his appetite.

“Let go Nes,” his teeth grazed against her “I got you sweetheart, I want you to come on my tongue, let go”

His words were what made her finally go over the edge of her pleasure, back bowing off the bed with the force of her orgasm. Cassian did not stop until she had collapsed against the mattress, her body limp and reeling, her breath coming out in gasps. He removed his mouth and tongue from between her legs, sliding his fingers out of her and leaving her aching and empty.

“You are exquisite,” he brought his fingers to his mouth, groaning as he sucked them clean. The action made Nesta’s body grow hot all over again, heart pounding.

Cassian peppered her skin with kisses, slowly making his way up.

“Do you still want to divorce me, my love?” he asked, grazing his nose on her neck, “Or was I better than your books?”

“It was satisfying I suppose” she tried to appear unaffected, to call forth her unbothered mask, but her racing heart and breathless voice betrayed her.

“Satisfying,” Cassian laughed against her skin, his hands moving to cup her breasts “I better turn that satisfying into something better, don’t you agree Nes?”

“I would like to see you try” she said, raising her back so he could take off her bralette.

“Cannot wait to see you begging” he whispered, his hands slowly making their way to her back to undo the clasp.

“I do not beg,” Nesta said, the picture of an imperious queen even while laying down.

“That is something that shall be changed then,” Cassian remarked, letting the last piece of his wife’s clothing finally join the floor with the rest.

And Cassian almost came in his pants right there. To finally see Nesta naked… It was a vision he did not know if he would ever recover from.

“My goddess divine…” he said reverently, his hands slowly caressing her breasts “you have no idea what you do to me Nesta”

“I beg to differ, if the way you have glanced at my gown’s neckline in multiple occasions is any indication” she let out a soft whimper as Cassian palmed her breasts with a little more strength “You are not as subtle as you think you are, husband”

“You cannot blame me for ogling you, sweetheart. And I plan to ogle you plenty now that you are my wife”

Whatever comeback Nesta had planned died on the tip of her tongue the moment he closed his mouth around one perked nipple, his other hand busying itself massaging her other breast.

He took his time worshipping her, switching between her breasts to demonstrate how much they drove him mad with want. He sucked her nippples, runned his tongue around it, twisting and pinching them until she finally cracked and begged.

“Cassian please please” she pleaded, her second climax building fast.

“Be a good girl and give me one more, Nes” he said, his teeth gently biting her nipple, his other hand having moved down her body, expertly rubbing those tantalising circles in her clit again.

She came with a cry, throwing her head back. Cassian could feel her heart racing and he left a tender kiss in her breasts before looking at her flushed face.

“So much for not begging,” he teased, and Nesta glared at him.

“Divorce is still on the table, General” she gave him a sly smile “Did I say that your performance was above satisfying?”

“Cruel Archeron, you wound me. Do you need another demonstration?” Cassian tugged at her earlobe “I can taste you all night if that is what you want”

“I think it is now my turn,” Nesta said, surprising him “It seems unfair that you are still clothed while I’m laid bare before you”

Her hands moved to his breeches and Cassian stopped breathing. Her deft fingers unbuttoned them, and she raised an eyebrow at him.

“Let it not be said that I denied my wife anything on her wedding night” he said, getting up and discarding his breeches.

Nesta was sure her eyes must have been double their size as she looked at Cassian.

She had never seen a cock before, had only her imagination and what she had heard maids whispering when they thought she was not paying attention. Nesta was sure that they were not supposed to be that big, despite the fact that she had felt it through her dresses twice now when Cassian had stopped her from falling. Had grinded against it that day in her office.

But nothing could have prepared her for seeing it without his clothes confining it.

He was enormous. Hard and absolutely enormous. She did not know if he would fit at all inside her and she supposed that should scare her. Yet she felt herself getting wetter.

“Enjoying the view Nes?”

She sure was, but she was not going to give him ammunition to his already big ego.

“Lay down,” he did as she instructed, the picture of perfect arrogance as he settled down among the pillows.

She would take that smirk off of his face soon enough.

Settling between his legs, Nesta trailed her finger down the v of his hips, her eyes settling on a small stopwatch on his thigh, near his groin.

“What is this?” She asked curiously, her finger circling it.

“It is a tattoo. I got it after my first battle,” his voice was quiet, remembering darker times “It is a reminder not to waste time.”

“Do you have any others?” Nesta hoped her question took his mind out of painful memories.

“Wings” she arched an eyebrow at that “on my back.”

Nesta realised she had never seen Cassian’s bare back. She had seen his broad chest countless times, but not his back. She’d have to change that. She wanted to see his other tattoo. She wanted to see all of him.

She wanted to touch all of him.

Because he was hers and she was realising that there were things she did not know about him. And she wanted to know them all.

Her finger left the tattoo, moving to his thick, long shaft, and she marvelled at the feel of it. The skin was soft — something she thought was so at odds with how hard he was beneath. She wrapped her hand around his cock, fingers barely able to reach around him completely.

“How do you like it, husband?” she gently squeezed him, her touch feather soft “Gentle?”

He gritted his teeth, willing his body to stop acting like he was a greenboy being touched for the first time.

“Hard?” she stroked him again, her grip slightly harder.

Cassian was fucked. He was utterly and completely ruined as Nesta kept stroking him. His brain had turned into a puddle of melted words, beyond forming coherent sentences. And she had only touched him.

Remembering what she read in one of the books Emerie and Gwyn had gifted her, Nesta pumped him a third time, squeezing hard and letting her nails graze the sensitive underside of his shaft.

Cassian let out a curse, hips arching into her hand.

She chuckled, doing it harder still, twisting her fist as she reached the round head, her thumb brushing the slit at the top.

“Like that? You like that, don’t you?” she repeated the action, spreading his pre cum “What is wrong General? Cat got your tongue?”

“Yeah, just like that” Cassian clenched his jaw, breathing heavily.

Seeing Cassian at her mercy — for once the one so uncomposed — did things to her. Nesta felt powerful, bold, her initial shyness and insecurities having faded as if they never existed.

And it was that new found boldness that made her take him in her mouth.

“Fuck,” cursing under his breath, he leaned his head back, dark hair a stark contrast against the white sheets.

Nesta had him in her mouth for maybe a minute before she was pulled up, Cassian rolling them so he was on top, crushing their lips.

“Was it not good?” She asked, arching her neck as he showered her with kisses.

“It was too good” he looked deep in her eyes, pupils so dilated that the brown had overtaken the green, dark with desire “So good I risked coming in your mouth”

“I would not have minded,” Nesta said, feeling Cassian getting even harder.

“Do you see what you do to me?” He groaned, letting his cock slip between her folds “I am so hard, so fucking hard for my beautiful wife,”

“But, as pleasurable as it was, I would rather leave it for another time. Today is about you and you only” he kissed that tender spot behind her ear “I am but a humble servant whose sole purpose is to love and serve you”

“Look who is suddenly a poet,” Nesta said.

“You are a very inspiring woman. My Nesta. My wife. My goddess divine ” Cassian kissed her deeply, but his voice took a serious tone.

“I cherish you more than I can ever put into words. So if you do not feel comfortable I need you to tell me now and I will stop. We can wait how long you need, there is no problem at all.”

Nesta found Cassian’s concern over her well-being both endaring and frustrating. On one hand, she was glad she had married someone as honourable and gentlemanly as him, after her distasteful experience with Tomas. On the other hand, after everything they had done - how much he had made her blood sing and her body light up on fire - she could not believe he was really considering stopping now. It was something unimaginable to Nesta.

“I want this. I want you, Cassian.” Nesta raised a hand, tenderly cupping his cheek “Do not ask me to wait any longer for you to make me yours in every way possible.”

“Are you sure you want this or are you just saying that because you have seen my library?” he said with a smirk, playfully nipping at her hand.

This cannot be happening, Cauldron I married a clown, Nesta thought to herself.

“Yes, Cassian” she snapped “I want you to fuck me because of your splendidly library. Now can you get on with it or do you want me kick you out of my bedroom”

Cassian had never heard Nesta cursing, never heard her using any kind of crude words at all, so her words came as a great shock to him. That strangely turned him on.

And made him decide to make sure that Nesta was very vocal about what she wanted from him from this point onwards.

“As my wife desires” he said, lining himself at her entrance and slowly sliding in. He did not want to hurt her, this was her first time and he would damn sure make it as mind blowing and perfect as the scenes in her books.

He eased himself in just an inch, halting at her sharp intake of breath. Cassian knew he was large enough that the stretching was edged in sweetest pain.

“Nes, look at me” he breathed and when she did he let all the love he felt for her show in his eyes.

Intertwining their hands, Cassian let himself slide another inch, retreating nearly to her edge. He pushed back in, a little farther this time. His eyes did not stray from hers for a single moment, holding her gaze through each small trust, each retreat, until he was resting against her maidenhead.

And when he plunged forward — and he could not believe just how good it felt to be buried completely within her — his mouth took hers, slowing her small gasp of surprise.

“Are you okay, my love?” Cassian asked, not moving to let her grow used to the feeling of him inside her.

“Yes, I—” she moaned when he moved to adjust his arms, holding himself above her so as to not crush her “Please, do not stop. Keep moving.”

And being the obedient husband that he was, Cassian did not, indeed, stop.

He set the pace, smooth and deep, Nesta utter perfection beneath him, her hips rising to meet his, tentatively at first, then with a vigour that matched her rising passion. Her breaths were coming faster and faster, and each moan and gasp inflamed his passion even more. Cassian wanted to possess her, to own her, to hold her beneath him and never let go.

“Fuck,” he moaned, and she tightned around him, her inner muscles squeezing him harder.

“Fuck, Nesta,” he repeated, scrapping his teeth over her neck.

“Do you see what you do to me? How you make me lose my self control?” he shifted, and his cock plunged even deeper, rubbing against a spot that made that fire inside her ignite even stronger.

“Cassian,” she moaned, wrapping her legs around him.

“Do I feel good to you?” his hand drifted between her legs “Do you like how I fuck you, Nes? Do you need me as much as I need you?”

All she could do was whimper in confirmation, far too gone for words.

“You take me so well, sweetheart. Every inch, just like that”

“Cassian, please” Nesta pleaded “I need… I am going to…”

The rest of her words were lost when his free hand moved to pinch one of her nipples.

“I love when you beg for me. Strong, powerful and beautiful Nesta Archeron, begging so sweetly for me” he moved to her other breast, nipping and sucking at the skin “You want to come one more time my love? Do you want to come all over my cock?”

“Yes,” Nesta sobbed, clenching around him.

“So come for me, Nes” he pinched her clit, and Nesta came with a scream, her orgasm travelling down her body in electric waves.

“Good girl,” Cassian kept trusting, drawing out her release until he wrung every last drop of pleasure. And only then did he come with a loud groan.

They stayed there for a while, panting and blissed out. When their breaths finally slowed, Cassian eased off her, and Nesta whimpered at the sudden emptiness.

“I will be right back Nes,” he said, leaving a kiss on her temple.

He returned moments later with a damp cloth, which he used to gently clean her up, mindful of how sensitive she was. Nesta somehow managed to get under the cover, holding it up for Cassian, who was quick to join her, tucking her to his side.

“I shall not divorce you,” she murmured sleepy, nuzzling into his chest “Congratulations on having avoided it, for now.”

“Thank you for your kindness, sweetheart,” Cassian gave a weak laugh, running his hand through her hair in soothing motions.

Soon, they were both asleep, happy and at home in each other’s arms.

~•~

Three Years Later

“My Lady, you really ought to get down. I can get the book for you”

“Mrs.Potts, rest assured that I am capable of climbing a few steps to get the book myself” Nesta replied, getting on her tiptoes and reaching for the book “Besides, I already told you to relax and enjoy your vacation. You really do not need to nanny me”

Nesta smartly let out the fact that even though it did not show, Mrs.Potts was getting old. Her climbing a narrow stair to grab a book on the highest shelf would also not be advised.

“But my Lady, the Lord said—”

“We both know that my husband is a mother hen” Nesta rolled her eyes, finally reaching the book and tucking it under her arm so she could climb down the stairs “Besides, he is busy at headquarters so if we do not tell he will never know.”

“I will never know what?” a deep voice filled with amusement said.

“My Lord! You are back!” Mrs. Potts exclaimed, motioning to Nesta to hurry up and climb the rest of the stairs down.

“Yes, I could not possibly miss afternoon tea with my wife,” Cassian said, arching an eyebrow as Nesta descended the last steps, walking in his direction “And what do you think you were doing?”

“I was getting a book, Cassian” Nesta replied, shrugging “Mrs.Potts can testify that I was perfectly safe and sound doing it.”

“Can she now?” he inquired, and the old head maid begrudgingly nodded in affirmation.

“If you will excuse me, I shall retire to my quarters and rest for a bit” Mrs.Potts gave a pointed glance in Nesta’s direction “As her ladyship said, I am on vacation”

Mrs. Potts left the room muttering that now she had two strong headed employers who could not listen to reason, much to the employers’ amusement.

“We should increase her salary,” Cassian said, his arms going around Nesta’s waist and hugging her close to him “Soon there will be another person to drive the poor woman mad.”

“Which is why you should be resting, as I have been telling you to do,” he added.

“Cassian, I am three months pregnant, not nine” she rolled her eyes again “I do not need rest. What I do need is a husband who lets me climb stairs to get books”

“I can get any books you want, Nes” Cassian kissed her, making Nesta melt on his arms “I am just a bit worried about my girls, sorry if I am being too overbearing.”

“Girls?” she asked with confusion.

“You and our little princess of course,” he placed one hand on her abdomen “I think that she is going to be just as fierce and incredible as her mom.”

“How can you be so sure that she is a girl?” Nesta laughed at his conviction that their child would be a girl.

“I just know it,” he shrugged, “I have a strong gut feeling.”

“As you wish then, Mr.Archeron,” she said with a smile “Now, I believe I heard someone saying something about afternoon tea?”

“With all of your favourite pastries,” he declared with pride, kissing her again.

“Oh, you truly are the best husband, General Archeron” Nesta squealed when he suddenly gathered her in his arms princess style, exiting the library and walking towards the outdoor patio. It was a lovely day for a picnic.

“I can walk! Cassian!”

“See how your mom likes to boss me around and argue?” he ignored Nesta, directing his words to his unborn child “Will you do the same when you are born I wonder?”

And six months later Cassian got his answer when a healthy little girl with light brown skin, curly dark hair and her mom’s eyes was born. Little Cynane indeed had Cassian wrapped around her little fingers, her father not missing a single afternoon tea with his daughter and all of her dolls.

•

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Reblogs are always welcomed!!

[jihyocentric]

lumi :(( really thank u for the kind words, that really means the world to me and i appreciate it sm <33

but yes tiny itty bitty pup!hyo who likes to be carried around bc she is small enough to and lazy and it makes her feel safe and loved OH i adore her

PLS the perks of having two owners (2x the love) vs the cons (they leave in the morning) thats actually hilarious and i think none of them would realize it until its monday and they're all like. shit. jihyo youre gonna be alone all day and shes nearly in tears cause WDYM they BOTH HAVE to go, they both HAVE to give her LOVE

and omg i can totally see 2yeon turning it into a game. 'whoever jihyo doesnt pick has to cook tonight' kinda thing, and they would totally cheat. theyd buy perfume or treats that jihyo literally cannot resist and when she starts going to that one person for a frew too many days in a row......they know something is up klsdjflks

stop the whole 'tummy. ears' thing is too cute to even think abt like. u better rub her tummy or ears!!!!! she needs it!!!!! and the mental image of jihyo lying there dead to the world and communicating in only body parts and whines whenver 2yeon moves is seriously so funny I LOVE IT

love this babygirl, and ty again for the encouragement. i really did need to hear that so i appreciate it :))

-🐶

(i'm always here for that anonie 🤍 and i'm glad you came here bc talking abt pup hyo lifted my mood entirely!)

and omg i can totally see 2yeon turning it into a game. 'whoever jihyo doesnt pick has to cook tonight'

YES 100% THEY'D DO THAT AND YES THEY WOULD CHEAT A LOT. also imagine if hyo is taking a nap when they arrive but she can feel their scent, so she just walks lazily towards them (she basically stumbles all the way to the door) and just hugs/tries to jump on whoever is closer :(

mmm and i love to think about nayeon having to pick pup hyo up despite her being a weakling in this particular au... hyo isn't that light for her, but it's so worth it when she hears a small 'missed you' and sees her tail wagging,, like hyo is so so happy to see them even when they disturb her afternoon nap :(

[ardentguilt]

((100% yes. Back when I was first diagnosed they did some blood test thing on me and they literally found that I pretty much constantly have the adrenaline levels of someone in a fight/freeze/flight response.

I am just that permanently stressed simply through existing in this hell world.

And goddamn does it sick for me when I DO get into an actual fight/freeze/flight situation because my body dumps even more stress hormones into my bloodstream and I absolutely lose my shit.

As in to the point I literally have to take a fucking nap afterwards because I crash so fuckin hard.

Also I LITERALLY cannot relax. I have existed in a stressed state for so long that I have literally FORGOTTEN how to make my body relax and as a result I am getting STRESS INJURIES simply from excessing prolonged muscle tension.

The pro of this situation? I am 100% pure aussie beef and (a pro but also a con) I straight up do not feel lost physical pain because I’m stuck in survival mode and don’t have time to prioritise processing a pain response.))

[mima-sama]

What are the pros and cons of being a ghost?

"Pros: you can go through solid objects, you don't need food or water or sleep, you cannot die because you are already dead. You can turn invisible, which is very handy for, uh, borrowing things without telling anyone."

"Cons: if you aren't strong enough to maintain a semi-physical form, you can't do much and it's very boring. If you decide to nap to pass the time, you have to be careful that you don't accidentally float up too high in your sleep... or sink into the ground. You can also be sealed into objects, which can drive you insane if you don't have a strong enough will..." Mima begins to trail off. It seems like she's hesitant to continue. She shakes her head after a brief pause, and carries on.

"... And once a year, on the date of your death, if you're still bound to this world-- and you aren't sealed or you aren't possessing anything (which takes a fair bit of energy)-- you have to return to the place you died. If you do not, you will be yanked back to the place by an unknown power, and you will be forced to experience your death again. It's why even if a ghost isn't really bound to a specific place, they generally don't stray too far from where they died."

"I get around this by carrying a knife around with me and possessing it around the time whenever I feel that tugging. The irony, of course, is that the knife is, in fact, the knife which killed me. So either way, I'm reminded of my death-- but being a knife for a day is better than feeling it go through my heart again," she finishes her explanation, gingerly rubbing the area over her heart.

[humandisastersquad]

Just went through the five stages of grief bc it’s 30C and I thought my fan had stopped working

[mrs-mikko-rantanen]

Anyway I'm alone for an hour while the kids nap yay

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 328: Pandora’s Box of Discourse

Previously on BnHA: DEKU TOOK A BATH.

Today on BnHA: 

Also Naomasa grew a beard. Goddamn. 

please let this be a cool chapter that plays nice with my ADHD lol

(ETA: lol I feel guilty because a lot of people hated this chapter, but I’m just happy there was a lot of stuff to make fun of, and also that I have another week to work on my backlog of meta posts since the kids were MIA.)

around one month ago?? ah, okay, so we’re gonna find out what was in that Tartarus security file huh

I love that they just randomly set the place on fire

was it necessary to do this in order to escape? no. was it a good idea to set the island they were occupying on fire while they were in the midst of still occupying it? uh. was it cinematic as fuck? fuck yeah

wow it’s a pervert!!

that’s so great that the villains set loose this fine fellow who I’m sure is definitely not a serial rapist. truly the LoV is so noble and misunderstood. they’re just trying to free society from its chains people

oh my god??!

SHANKED!!! oh my god I cheered for Stain before I realized what I was doing. time to have an identity crisis I guess

so he’s all “hey what’s going on.” which, while a respectable question, is something I personally would have waited to ask until I had put a bit of distance between myself and the fiery murder island. but that’s just my personal preference

Stain you really are tenacious I’ll give you that

“what’s the point of escaping prison if you’re not gonna be smart about it” well shit. anyways yeah you’re dead right, society is in the process of collapsing and the outside world is in total chaos, good call there

oh shit

I mean it’s not like we really expecting anything otherwise, but still. fucking brutal. I feel like these guys’ fates were decided the minute that one guy called AFO “scum” back in chapter 94. AFO is unmatched at getting long-term revenge

??

ahh, was it the security footage??

fdsdfk he’s still alive??

and he’s immediately launching into an inappropriately theatrical monologue even as the darkness closes in on him fdlfksjdlk. you know, was it ever confirmed that the other guy back in chapter 297 was Seiji’s dad? I’m just saying

very impressed that he’s still coherent enough to weigh the pros and cons before making the decision to gamble on giving this info to Stain, who at the very least has his own moral code and isn’t allied with AFO. it was definitely still a risk, but as we now know it was also the right call

what a weird alliance. so Stain tells him that he’ll give it to a just person, and the guy is all,

okay for real though I’m gonna need someone to run a DNA test on this guy. maybe it was some kind of cuckold situation?? the other guy had the family resemblance, but this guy absolutely 100% raised Shishikura Seiji and you are not going to convince me otherwise

anyway, so Stain is all,

PRISON GUARD: “???? ??????? what the hell. what the fuck does that fucking mean. I’m dying here, jesus christ, whatever man fuck you”

(ETA: I kind of feel like this might have been Stain’s last appearance in the manga, given all the fanfare. there’s not really much else he can do for the story at this point, and he seems to have gotten all the character development Horikoshi was planning on giving him. so if this really is it, hasta la vista and good riddance I guess.)

DWLFDKSLDK MEANWHILE, OUTSIDE

(ETA: I feel like this is meant to be evocative of that Sermon on the Mount painting, but in a really fucked up way lol.)

if it were me stumbling upon this scene I would just shake my head and walk right back into the flaming building. not getting involved in that mess. sorry not sorry. I’ll take my chances with the fire, especially given that it’s half-assed neutered BnHA fire lol

blah blah blah and so he decided to pass the info on to All Might -- HOT DAMN, HOLY SHIT

NAOMASA HOLY SHIT. THE APOCALYPSE LOOKS GOOD ON YOU, BOY

“I really like that facial scruff thing Aizawa’s got going on, I think I’m gonna get in on that” yes sir. “also thinking of ditching the tie in favor of the bulletproof vest look. also thinking of getting totally fucking jacked.” good lord. except I’m pretty sure that’s just body armor, but also I don’t care. anyway I should probably stop staring and actually read the fucking speech bubbles here lol

“All Might first handed this information over to Nao, and then went to see Deku, and then came back to Nao” thanks for that tidy little summary Horikoshi. we are capable of piecing events together in sequential order, I just want you to know that. but thank you

“so has Deku finally gotten a bath? also, sucks that Stain saved the day, but what are you gonna do” Nao I missed you so fucking much and didn’t even realize. how am I just now realizing that you are the perfect man

for a second I was gonna ask why Tartarus’s security systems would be cut off from the outside world, and then I remembered that’s a basic security control, and then I actually got impressed by how sensible that is. like, it’s been a while since I could genuinely say that the good guys (excluding class 1-A) did something smart. not that it helped them much in the end, but still

anyway so they’re talking about how AFO was able to coordinate the attack by communicating between his horcrux self on the outside and his ugly peanut-faced self on the inside

huh

okay you have my attention. I am taking notes here lol please continue

ah okay so he says that prior to Jakku, the transfer of information between him and his Vestige self was only one-way. but post-Jakku when Deku was in the hospital, he was able to tell what was happening inside the OFA Radical Lisa Frank Dead People Book Club Realm when he touched him. I feel like we established that before, actually. but he didn’t talk about how it actually felt, though

boy we already know this lol. yes AFO can talk with his horcrux self. and he can also communicate with his little bro in OFA too, let’s talk about that sometime why don’t we. what exactly does that imply, based on the rules we’ve established here

my god I cannot get over Naomasa and his fucking facial hair

no wonder All Might was in such a hurry to leave Deku and get back here

like I have no idea what this radio waves nonsense is but my god, people

that jawline. also so it’s a quirk, I see. except last I checked Deku didn’t have a radio waves quirk, so that doesn’t really explain his connection to AFO. but whatever, hopefully we’re at least getting closer to some kind of reveal here

(ETA: since I sometimes forget that other people’s lives don’t revolve around my theory posts, here are the two relevant links if you by chance want to know my thoughts about this.

Hagakure is still The U.A. Traitor™ regardless of whether Deku is passing information on to AFO through his psychic link, which he almost certainly is.

speaking of said psychic link, Deku is a horcrux.

just posting these now, because whenever trippy OFA stuff happens I tend to get an influx of theory asks. so hopefully this will be a bit of a time saver lol.)

-- wait, what

THAT’S what the recording was??!? holy SHIT. I genuinely was not expecting that. y’all wiretapped his fucking telepathy. fucking quirks, man. wild

AND THEY USED THAT POWER TO DETERMINE WHAT WE ALREADY KNEW, HUZZAH. GOOD SHOW

-- oh shit wait lol, except I forgot we’re not talking about 38 days from the present, we’re talking about 38 days from the date the conversation was recorded. heh. um

yeah that’s the face I would make too if All Fucking Might just casually told me we had eight days left until the end times

oh, pardon me. three fucking days

r.i.p. anyone who thought we were going to have another band arc sob. I sure hope Deku is enjoying that nap

(ETA: I realize people were hoping for a longer rest period here, but given that the man warned us all the way back in chapter 306 that we were entering the final act, you can’t really blame him too much when that turns out to be true. anyway but I do recognize that we’ve reached the point in the story where this kind of discourse is going to become a weekly occurrence, simply because there’s no possible way for Horikoshi’s actual endgame to line up perfectly with the variable headcanons of millions of fans, all of whom have wildly differing and in many cases contradictory expectations which can’t possibly all be fulfilled. anyway, so I’m already bracing myself for that lol. this coming year is going to be a wild ride.)

damn, U.A. out here looking like the motherfucking United Nations

-- is this U.A.?? I actually just realized, U.A. is four interconnected buildings, not two. wait holy shit is this Shiketsu?

wait holy SHIT

based on the overwhelmingly powerful vibes of bureaucratic incompetence, I’m thinking this really is the (future) U.N., or whatever organization it is that deals with international hero stuff

“just let them handle it themselves I’m sure they’ll be fine” yeah okay, thanks guys. appreciate it

wait oh shit did he say that it’s not just Japan?

soooo, what you’re telling me is that AFO is this close to bringing about the end of not just Japan, but the entire world, and you guys don’t think it’s a good idea to help the Japanese heroes stop him? so, genuine follow-up question: are you guys already planning your rich people exodus into space a la Wall-E, and that’s why you don’t give a fuck?? like, what??

omg international heroes

these guys are from World Hoodie Mission, right? is this Horikoshi’s way of reminding me to buy tickets

(ETA: and it worked too lol.)

WHO??? WHAT???

don’t tell me you’re introducing yet another badass new female character for me to fall in love with only to watch as you dismember them and/or blow them up, Horikoshi. I’m getting tired of playing this game my dude. don’t lie and tell me this time will be different. we’re not doing this again goddammit

noooooooooooooooooooo

god fucking dammit lmao. [sighs and rips the previous paragraph into shreds]

on behalf of Americans I apologize for our superheroes always being Like This

I also apologize because I love her already and I’m gonna be shameless about it. so fucking shameless you guys

is her fucking hair red white and blue. it is, isn’t it

this is the volume cliffhanger, 100% lol. it will take every ounce of Horikoshi’s willpower not to put her on the volume cover. he’ll have to settle for the spine or the inner cover this time because Deku VS his class 1-a superpals takes precedence. but it will be a close thing let me tell you

tbh it’s that smile that does it for me. she’s definitely All Might’s protege. get out there and show them how it’s done girl. and maybe call Salaam and BRD and see if you can’t convince them to play hooky from their governments as well. why not. world’s ending in three days you guys. “sorry, I’m busy this weekend” ain’t gonna cut it lol

so while I am not fully caught up with Vigilantes, I have read far enough to know that there’s an American hero named Captain Celebrity whose superpower from what I recall is being a humongous douchebag. and while I haven’t read far enough to know what happens to this guy, I can’t say I’m very disappointed to learn that he’s no longer the number one hero in the U.S. (actually, didn’t they kick him out and that’s why he moved to Japan to begin with?). anyway, so my thanks to Horikoshi for having a marginally higher opinion of Americans than Furuhashi, even though we have definitely not done anything to warrant said opinion lately, and you may have inadvertently opened the door to a pandora’s box of discourse lmao

(ETA: lol I went into the tags and they don’t disappoint. “why is she dressed like a flag” because she’s an homage to Captain America and Major Victory and literally every other character on this list. again, I apologize for fictional American superheroes being Like This. “oh boy another thicc waifu to make the fanboys happy” look, tumblr fandom never seems to have a problem thirsting over Dabi or Tomura or Aizawa or Nao, lol, I’m just saying. “where is Captain Celebrity” idk, probably murdered by the exploding bee cartel, let’s just be grateful for our good fortune and try not to Beetlejuice the man.)

anyway, so let’s see if Horikoshi’s recent character development with regards to making Mineta not terrible anymore will apply to other aspects of his writing as well. I know I was making light of discourse just now, but I do think the complaints about him introducing yet another new character at the 11th hour to be cannon fodder in the final battle are absolutely valid. and again, it wouldn’t be a problem if he didn’t keep maiming/killing off his female characters one by one instead of developing them and letting them kick ass long-term. but that said, I will never complain about Horikoshi adding another female character to the series, regardless of how clumsy the attempt may be. go ahead and pander away, just give us more girl power lol

anyway so we’ll see how it goes, but I think I’m gonna be optimistic and let myself hope once again, even though I’m probably gonna regret it lol. it is what it is. she is standing on an airplane just chilling for fuck’s sake. I’m only human. anyway fingers crossed

[soldiersweiner]

Recs 1 (REPOST)

(Original Recs 1 has been deleted and is replaced with this new one that has far more less errors and more warnings)

Recs 1 is a compilation (or a personal table of contents) of all the fics I’ve reblogged since I started this sideblog back in 2016, this one will be from 2016 to 2018. I had to go through my tumblr archives to list down all the fics, you may also notice that there are some that not here anymore - I removed them since they’re non-existent according to Tumblr.

Created this to not only share the wonderful works made by these amazing authors, be it the simplest of their works, but because I also do a lot of rereading of my faves so it’s a win-win! I’ve linked the author’s/writer’s blog in case because my @ tags get wonky and would show an error :( (I will try to tag as much, but if tumblr limits, there will be a link to the writer)

All works linked here are completed unless stated otherwise or I wasn’t aware that it is in progress. All fics are arranged alphabetically because I like it neat that way lmao

ATTN: Minors, heed the warnings on each fic. You are responsible for what you consume on this website. Don't let the warnings go over your heads!

This blog reblogs 18+ content. This fic rec contains 18+ content.

For reference:

Title - Author/Writer

Work and/or blog with strikethrough means that it cannot be found or has deactivated (I think one of the reason for this is “The Great Tumblr Purge”) :(

X means untitled work, unless I was not aware that there was a title (please message me to correct it!)

Please feel free to correct me if you see any errors or blogs that changed their URLs so I can update this, and to the authors, thank you! <3 And to see your writing style develop from the very first work you put out to the newest is just wow!

Originally posted: 18 October 2020

Updated: 27 May 2021 because I finally was able to resolve my tagging issues

Recs 2 (REPOST)

Recs 3

Please let me know if the links aren’t clickable so I can fix ‘em! ^.^

~

BUCKY BARNES

DRABBLES/ONESHOTS

46: “I’m in love…shit” - @buckyskorpion 

A Different Kind of Love - @imaginesinwords 

A Hot Day at the Beach - @sebbys-girl 

As You Are - @theunholygrails 

Avengers Chatroom: Baby Shower - avengerschatroom

Avengers Chatroom: I Ship It - avengerschatroom

Avengers Chatroom: Overprotective - avengerschatroom

Avengers Chat Room: Waffles -  avengerschatroom

Boner Puns - @rogerthat-bucky-blog 

Braids - @assembletheimagines 

Chase - @lowkeybxrnes 

Coffee. Black. No Sugar. - demonsebastian

Come Back To Me - @avengers-x-reader 

Countdown - imaginebucky

Cuddles - @basslinedweller 

Daddy for a Day - @lenavonschweetz 

Domestic - imaginesandshitposting  

Drunken Love - @writingruna 

Every Minute Counts - @littlemisssyreid 

Finish - @almightyhollands 

For Better, For Worse - @moonbeambucky 

For the Sake of my Sanity - @creative-universe​ 

Heavily Broken - @creative-universe

His Weak Spot - wndamaximofff

Hurt - @oneshots-imagines-and-that 

I Hate You, I Love You - hahasteverogers

It Could Be Worse - @bucky-at-bedtime 

Little by Little - @imaginethatcap (imaginethatcap)

Nervous - @fandomsloveimagines 

Plums and Innocence - @avengers-trash (avengers-trash)

Positive - @marvelous-imagining 

Relapse - @youlightmeupfinn 

Stay With Me - @marvelandimagine 

Surprise - lowkeybxrnes

The Letter - rogerthat-bucky-blog 

The Name Game - @captainximagines (captainximagines)

There’s a Knife - marvelandassociates

Unspoken - @hellyeahbarnes 

Wedding Night Memories - satanbucky

X - @fatbottombucky 

MULTI CHAPTERS/SERIES

Arche - @sincerelymlg 

Bucky’s Girl - @imaginewritings 

Catch Me - @buckyywiththegoodhair 

Ghostly Visions - @sebbys-girl 

Most Wanted - @sgtjbuccky 

Promise - @mrsbarnesomg​ 

Regrets - sebbys-girl 

Моя любовь | Я твой - @writingruna 

Would You Be My Wife - @captainrogerss  (formerly bovaria)

Of Games and Memes | Of Pictures and Videos  - @bbbarneswrites​ 

~

SEBASTIAN STAN

DRABBLES/ONESHOTS

A Night Not to Remember - lowkeybxrnes 

Bite Me in the Ass...Literally - @wlntersldler (wIntersldIer)

Comic Con - @ravewood 

First Impression - lowkeybxrnes 

Jigglypuff - @ayeebucky

Laps and Naps - @beefybuffybucky 

Not This Again - @writingbarnes writingbarnes (original link can’t be found :c)

SnapChat - ravewood 

Stan? No, I think Downey - @youlightmeupfinn 

Take 42 - @insphoeration 

The C-Train - @peterparkerneverland 

X - can’t find the exact blog :(

MULTI CHAPTERS/SERIES

Celebrity Crush - @buckyslightsaber 

~

This section contains 18+ content as warned by the writers on their posts.

Minors, get out >:|

BUCKY BARNES

Multi-chapter/Series

14: “Did you honestly think I wouldn’t figure it out?” - @wakandasoldier 

A Love that Never Leaves - @bitsandbobsandstuff

Petals & Bullets - @revengingbarnes 

[def-initely-soul]

house rules {2}

pairing: jimin x reader (f.)

genre: fluff; angst; roommates au; kinda new girl au; smut; f2l au

rating: explicit

warnings: sexual content; mention of emotional abuse; mention of manipulative relationship; mention of body issues; explicit smut

words: 19.6k

summary:

↠ {living with two guys has always its pros and cons. Pros being someone will always get you popcorn for your midnight cravings. Cons being you might like one of them…?} ↞

or alternatively, the shenanigans of five friends, where two of them are in a loving relationship, one is Kim Seokjin and the other two don’t know what the fuck they’re doing

.

.

Next morning, on Christmas eve, you try to be as nonchalant as you can. Thankfully your walls are thick enough so no one took notice of your late-night shenanigans and what happened between you before Hoseok’s interruption was barely anything out of the ordinary.

Thankfully you get yourself distracted with the preparations for this evening. Every year the five of you plan a traditional Christmas dinner, idea courtesy of Hoseok’s and Seokjin’s minds, where every single one of you was assigned to different tasks.

Seokjin is in charge of the roasted turkey, as he is every year, Hoseok will cook his famous vanilla-roasted sweet potatoes, Jimin will prepare a cauliflower soup and Ana is always in charge of the desert. This year choosing the recipe of a Buche de Noel.

You’re left with the simple task of making smooth mashed potatoes and bringing the booze.

Even though simpler than what others have to do, it gives you time to be alone and focus on something else other than Jimin. Whether you’re cooking or going to the store to pick up the alcohol, your time is productively filled with anything other than thoughts of him.

You take a nap around midday, leaving the kitchen free for the guys to use. Taking a hold of this opportunity to stay clear of Jimin’s gaze. You make sure your interactions are limited between the lines of what is only necessary, even when the preparations are done and you sit around the table.

Ana and Seokjin arrive together, the turkey the size of a small TV, which Seokjin himself puts on the table. Not letting anyone else help him or carve it, flashbacks of last year when Jimin tried to carve it and nearly dropped it still etched to everyone’s memory.

You help Ana move the desert to the fridge for later, and as all of you take your places at the dinner table, you feel a particular set of eyes on you.

Thankfully you don’t sit next to him so you don’t have any one-on-one conversation like you do with Seokjin sitting to your right. You only talk to him when the conversation involves the whole group and that’s only to not alert anyone that something is off.

Your mind is swarmed with memories of Jimin’s look. With the way he’s looking at you now.

You ignore it in favour of talking to Ana at the end of the table as she rumbles excitedly about the party next week. You immerse yourself in that conversation, going lightly over some details and pouring another glass of wine as Seokjin passionately joins you.

Although, even if you’re engrossed to something else you can’t help but notice one thing. 

He never mentions Dinah.

And that gives you magnificent, dreadful hope.

.

.

It’s New Year's Eve, and you’re in an awfully good mood.

The party is in full bloom, the essence of joy and excitement wafting through the air, people dancing their worries away and laughing under the neon-lights (Ana really went all-in in the decoration department), having fun in what can only be a fitting welcome for a bright New Year.

The mulled wine has gotten slightly into you, landing you in that perfect spot between sober and tipsy, just enough to elevate your already high spirits. Besides you’re also celebrating finally finishing your book. It’s been a bitch of a struggle but finally, you’ve gone and did it. Finally booking an appointment with a publishing company that took an interest in you after reading one of your drafts you’ve previously sent them.

And well. Dinah isn’t here.

“I cannot believe I’m talking to the next Stephen King!” Hoseok yaps excitedly, throwing an arm around your shoulder, voice raised higher than normal due to the several “old-fashioned” he managed to throw back.

You grunt from the sudden weight as he leans a bit too much on your side to stand up. “Okay, step it down a notch, buddy,” you chuckle, patting him on the shoulder.

He thinks it over before-. “Sir Arthur Conan Doyle?”

Your eyes widen, an involuntary laugh escaping you. “I said step it down a notch, not climb the whole mcfreakin ladder?” Hoseok giggles happily, before his eyes rest on the hostess, who’s currently talking to a coworker, gleeful smile in full bloom.

He waves at you to lean closer to him and you oblige. “See that girl over there?” he whispers to you conspiratory, pointing at Ana who seems oblivious to your conversation. You chuckle at his drunk antics but decide to appease him and nod.

A blissful smile takes over his lips. “Imma marry her someday.”

You barely keep your smile at bay. Honestly, Hoseok is whipped for Ana and anyone who doesn’t see that is blind, so it doesn’t sound weird coming from him. You’re willing to bet his wish is gonna come true someday. It’s just a matter of time.

Though you’re happy for your friends, you can’t let this teasing opportunity pass you by.

“Hey, champ, I got some bad news for you…” you press your lips together in mock-sadness and Hoseok’s face falls.

“She has a boyfriend,” you deliver the final blow and his eyes widen. Before he bursts into tears.

At least a couple of people stare at you, as Hoseok bawls his eyes out and you can’t stop cackling. Oh, god, you didn’t know he was this drunk, he was perfectly fine moments ago! Although to be perfectly candid, he has a low alcohol tolerance, so really this one is on you.

Ana shows up after a few seconds, worry etched into her features after seeing her boyfriend cry like a baby. “What happened? Are you okay?” she asks him, obviously more sober than him, but once she sees you laughing, her eyes narrow. “What did you do to him?”

You shrug, your expression being the poster-child for innocence. “Nothing! I just told him you have a boyfriend.”

This sends another wave of tears down Hoseok’s cheeks and Ana laughs incredulously. 

“Is it true? Do you have a boyfriend” Hoseok struggles to ask through his hiccups and Ana can’t repress the lovesick smile on her lips.

“Yes and he’s a giant baby.”

“Does that mean I still have a chance?”

Ana chuckles before pressing a kiss on Hoseok’s pouty lips. “It’s you, you dufus! Now, come on, let’s get you to lay down…”

“Really?” he says with the most childlike smile you’ve ever seen on him. And only seconds later it turns into a smirk. "Oh, I will lay down, I will lay down so hard that you-” he struggles to complete his sentence, “that you’ll want to lay down with me…”

You groan out loud, not ready for the scene to turn into an NSFW one. “Are you horny all the time?” you complain out loud and the couple raises their brows at you.

“...Already know the answer to that one. Thank you very much five years of living together!” you admit regrettably and Ana tsks you.

“Serves you right for having the nerve to terrorize the sun himself!”

“That’s me!” Hoseok points to himself with a proud smile and you press your lips together to stop the giggles from escaping as Ana rolls her eyes fondly at her boyfriend.

“I’ll get him to my room-” Hoseok finger guns her, winks and blows her a kiss, “could you please make him some coffee?” Ana pleads you as she struggles to push a drunk Hoseok down the hall.

“You got it, babe! I’m gonna roast this coffee so bad, it’s gonna go running to its momma!” you announce in the spur of the moment, but Ana just looks at you like you’ve grown a second head.

“Doesn’t work for me, does it?” Ana just shakes her head and you huff. “I’ll go get the coffee…”

You drive through the crowd, barely avoiding the drinks spilling left and right and finally reach the kitchen. Thankfully there’s only like a couple of people around, so you reach for the french press easily, adding the coffee grounds and warming some water in the microwave.

“Why on earth are you having coffee with so much alcohol around and why does that weirdly make sense for you?” Jimin enters your vision, resting his hip on the counter in a mirror of your stance and you have to take a breath.

His dark blue hair is slicked back, revealing the magnificence of his eyebrows (yeap, that’s another spot of Jimin you’re weak about). He’s dressed in all black; black jeans, black T-shirt with an open neckline, a leather belt hugging closely at his hips, a dangly earring gracing his earlobe and a silver chain resting against his glistening collarbones. He has been dancing and all you wanna do is dive in and bite at the skin of his neck, glinting welcoming under the dimmed lights.

Focus.

“Give me a break, it’s not even for me…” you joke back, just in time to cover up your little zone-out. Jimin stares back confused.

“Who then-?” he makes a sound of realization before he chuckles. “Hoseok,” he responds and you nod, a giggle already on your lips.

After Christmas eve, when you refused to even speak to him, things became less weird. It seems like the two days you spent actively avoiding each other helped in restoring the dynamics back to normality. You’re not even sure who made the first move but after a few days, you were back to normal, as if that thing on the couch never happened.

Maybe it is for the best to pretend it never happened. No feelings are going to get hurt this way.

“Yeap, Ana took him back to her bedroom,” you reply, moving to pour the water into the french press.

Jimin raises an unconvinced eyebrow as he hands you a mug. “And are you sure they’re not gonna fuck back there?”

You take the mug with an appreciative nod. “Honestly, they’re probably fucking right now on their way there. Maybe they are, maybe they’re not. Maybe I’ll be scarred for the rest of my life walking into that and maybe I won’t.”

“And you’ll take those chances?” Jimin chuckles incredulously and you almost swoon at the way his smile lights up the room.

“This coffee won’t deliver itself!” you joke and Jimin’s smile turns bigger.

“Your service is greatly appreciated!” he says with an awful British accent and proceeds to laugh.

“Well, thank you good sir!” you play into it with a curtsy and both of you burst into happy, slightly intoxicated giggles.

Your eyes rest on the french press as the coffee grounds seep into the water and it’s like your lips have a mind of their own when they ask the following question.

“So, alone tonight?” you ask with fake nonchalance and you swear Jimin tenses.

You can’t help yourself. From the moment you realized Dinah was absent you wanted to know why. They’ve been dating for almost a month, so that means they’d still be all over each other, you figured they’d want to spend New Year's together.

So how come Dinah isn’t here?

Jimin nods, eyes absentmindedly following your fingers as they trace the marble counter.

“What happened to Dinah? Didn’t want to spend New Years with our ugly asses?” you joke, hoping to lift the tension off his shoulders and rejoice when Jimin cracks a smile.

“No, no. Actually, her friends are throwing a party too…” he simply says, not giving you another explanation even though something else clearly bothers him. You don’t ask further, figuring he’ll tell you if he wants to, so you move to press the plunger down and pour the brown liquid into the cup Jimin handed you earlier.

“And I actually didn’t …” he hesitates, biting his bottom lip.

God, this is straight-up torture.

“Didn’t…?” you urge him on, sensing his desire to say whatever’s bothering him.

He takes a breath.

“Didn’t have the need to invite her…?” he admits, eyes on the steaming cup of coffee, struggling to put his thoughts into words as you stare at him utterly confused. He didn’t have the need to invite her? Like, he didn’t care if she was here?

No, Y/N, don’t get your hopes up.

Jimin huffs, running a hand through his hair.

“I mean.. I didn’t want to.”

And you find him staring at you again, with those intense, magnetic eyes and your breath is sucked out of your lungs.

He didn’t want to invite her. Why? What does it mean? Why did he do it?

And why is he looking at you like that?

Did he-?

“Surprise!” a familiar female voice echoes through the kitchen as Dinah throws herself literally against Jimin, hugging his waist with an excited smile. No concern in her eyes over your panicked faces.

You don’t know if she heard your conversation but if she did, she doesn’t show it.

Jimin’s wide, panicked eyes travel between you and Dinah. “Dinah, what are you doing here? I thought you were spending New Year’s at Minoh’s?” he turns around to bring her forward and the intimacy hiding in the domestic action drives a knife through your chest.

“That party was boring as hell. And I missed you,” she says with a blinding smile and leans in to press a soft kiss on Jimin’s lips, ripping your heart in two.

You can’t stand this. You can’t stand to watch as she kisses him right in front of you and you feel like an outsider, glimpsing at something you long for but can’t have. Is it always gonna be this hard?

You swallow the lump in your throat, gripping the cup tighter and force a smile on your lips just in time for the couple to miss your crestfallen expression.

It’s time to get out of here.

“That’s great! You’re just in time to spend New Year’s together!” you exclaim with forceful enthusiasm and Dinah nods excitedly as Jimin looks at you with an indecipherable expression. “You’ll have to excuse me, I have to deliver this bad boy!” you smile, pointing at the mug and you start walking away, already waiting for the moment you don’t have to keep that smile on your face any longer.

That seems to wake Jimin up as his eyes widen. “Wait, Y/N, I didn’t-”

“Have fun at the party!” you interrupt him, keeping the smile on for a little longer, before you turn your back at them, smile disappearing, steps fast as you miss Jimin’s face filled with despair.

.

.

Your steps bring you back to the living room, already having delivered the coffee to Ana’s room. Although Jimin’s suspicions were correct and you walked into a scene you’d rather forget, closing your eyes to avoid any more damage on your retina, resulting in you leaving the couple with a half-spilt coffee.

Not that they’ll be needing it now anyway.

Stepping into the main area of the party you can’t help the sour mood that takes over you, watching everyone have a good time. You were also having a good time until Dinah arrived.

Which reminds you. What did Jimin mean back then? Was it just stupid you with your tendency to read way too much into things or did he actually mean what you wanted him to?

And if he did, why is he still dancing with her?

Your eyes are stuck to the couple in question, dancing in the middle of the living room as a mid-tempo dance track plays through the speakers, Dinah’s hands wrapped around Jimin’s waist as he sways her softly to the beat.

The night started out so well. You were having fun, for once all worries put aside as you didn’t have to think about the book or Dinah, or Jimin. You were happy.

But then someone decided to shit all over that happiness and you were back to the beginning. Having your heart broken by your best friend and he doesn’t even know.

You take a breath to calm the erratic beating of your cracking heart when you see a too familiar face emerging from the kitchen.

Oh no, what is Jaehyun doing here?

You move quickly, dreading to talk to him, hoping he won’t see you but, alas, luck was never on your side.

His eyes spot you all the way across the room, with numerous people in between like he has laser vision or something. A smile takes over his lips as he waves at you and begins walking towards you.

God, no. No, you can’t deal with him right now. He’ll probably want another date and you know he deserves to know the truth but you just can’t do it right now.

You’re quick to move to the balcony, trying to lose him through the crown but his voice keeps calling you even outside. You slip through the people and into the living room, stopping to see him briefly lose you as his eyes scan the balcony.

You escape into the kitchen, hoping he won’t look for you here and in your hastiness to hide, you fall face-first into Seokjin’s chest.

“Fuck, sorry, you need to move!” you say urgently, trying to hide behind the massive wall he calls his shoulders.

Seokjin regards you with a suspicious glare. “What are you doing?”

“Trying to hide from Jaehyun!” you bite through gritted teeth as your eyes scan the open area behind you. With relief you realise Jaehyun isn’t anywhere near, just a bunch of other people and Jimin talking with Dinah and Hoseok.

Your heart still clenches uncomfortably when Seokjin interrupts your thoughts.

“Why are you hiding from Jaehyun? Didn’t the date go well?” he asks you purely confused and with guilt, you realize you never told him nor Ana that you bailed.

You bite your lip. “I didn’t go…”

Seokjin’s eyes widen comically. “What?! Why?! I thought you wanted to!”

You groan rubbing your palm on your face. “I just… didn’t feel like it anymore! And now he’s here, looking for me and I don’t know what to do! Who invited him anyway?”

At that Seokjin has the decency to look guilty. “I may have seen him at the coffee shop and invited him… But in my defence I didn’t even know you bailed on him!” he looks at you with a scolding glare and another groan leaves your lips.

“Oh, shit here he comes…” Seokjin looks carefully behind you and you steal a glance to indeed see Jaehyun stepping into the living room and walking straight towards you.

“Okay, fuck, let me think…” you mumble in thought when you see something on the ceiling, hanging just a few centimetres behind Seokjin.

“Got it!” you exclaim, and when Seokjin doesn’t follow, you push him back so both of you stand right beneath the thing hanging from the ceiling and then you point at it, knowing he’ll catch the drift.

Seokjin’s eyes follow your fingers, only to widen in horror when they rest at what you're pointing at.

Mistletoe.

“No! No, no, no, I’m not kissing you so you can get rid of him!” he hisses, eyes swimming in denial and disbelief. But you narrow your eyes at him.

“It’s your fault he’s here! So step the fuck up Kyle!” you hiss back and Seokjin looks less than thrilled.

“Don’t quote vines to me, you heathen, I won’t hesitate bitch!” he responds and you know you’re halfway winning him over.

“I can’t believe you’ve done this…” you reply, mastering the perfect puppy eyes.

The sound of his favourite vine has him yielding in a matter of seconds, choking back a laugh before he rolls his eyes. “Fine. But we gotta hurry up, he’s almost here,” Seokjin relents, eyes falling behind you.

“Buckle up,” is the only thing you say before grasping Seokjin’s panicked face and press your mouths together.

You stay like that for a few seconds, simply pressing your lips together like an awful K-drama kiss though there’s no romantic music playing in the background. The kiss is at its best… underwhelming. That’s what you were lusting after all those years? It certainly doesn’t live up to the expectations.

You lean back, staring at Seokjin who barely manages to conceal his weirded out face. “Is he gone?” you whisper and Seokjin nods in relief.

“Yes, he’s gone…” he mumbles, letting out a breath as you let his face free and take a step back, finally breathing freely.

“Don’t ever do that again!” he exclaims, his words followed by a loud gagging noise.

“Anything for you Beyonce!” you say, sharing the sentiment and you grab a random shot glass on the counter, to wash out the feeling of Seokjin’s clumsy mouth on yours.

“We don’t tell anyone. We take this to the grave and live the rest of our lives feeling slightly awkward with each other. Sounds good?” Seokjin states with wide eyes and you laugh at his seriousness.

“Ay, ay, captain! Now take a shot with me to erase the memory for good!” you say, filling two glasses with tequila and you hand him one.

“To forgetting this ever happened!” he raises his shot and you follow his movements before downing the contents of the glass.

“Amen to that.”

.

.

Half an hour later, its time for the countdown so the New Year can officially begin.

The automatic clock on Ana’s TV screen reads 23:59:03 and you rush to gather your friends together in one place, so the New Year can find all five of you together as it has for the last four years.

The rest of the attendees also gather in groups; friends, couples, coworkers, newly made acquaintances but all shimmering with the vibrating delight to welcome the New Year and the opportunities that are bound to come.

Ana and Hoseok are already counting down the numbers - admittedly a bit too early -, and Seokjin passes you four tequila shots to celebrate once the clock strikes midnight. But then he’s left with an extra one and realization strucks you.

“Hey, where’s Jimin? He’s supposed to be here!” you yell to be heard amidst the loud chattering of the crowd, but your question remains unanswered when Seokjin shrugs his shoulders in loss.

Ana looks around to find said-man but it’s Hoseok that finally puts an end to the mystery. “Uh, actually he went home!”

Your eyebrows furrow, confusion apparent in your eyes. He’s never missed out on this! How could he leave? You always spent New Year’s together, the five of you, it was your unique tradition, one you’ve expected him to keep up with.

Maybe he was feeling a bit under the weather, you try to reason with yourself. Let’s not get mad at him before knowing the whole story.

“Wait, so he left without telling anyone? Is he okay? Did he even tell Dinah he’d leave?” you question back, aware of Ana & Seokjin’s wary gazes but you don’t bother to acknowledge them.

Thankfully, Hoseok still isn’t entirely sober to notice them either and start asking questions.

He just shakes his head at you. “Oh, no, they both left. Oh, the countdown’s started!”

As people begin shouting along with the voice on the TV you can’t help but stare aimlessly into space.

They both left. Jimin ditched you, all four of you to spend New Year’s with Dinah. Alone.

And it hurts. It hurts, it hurts, it hurts.

It shouldn’t feel as much as a personal attack but it does. He left all four of you but it still feels like he specifically left you behind. As if he doesn’t care anymore. Before all that the chance of the two of you ever happening was abysmal. But it was still there, however small. You were fine with that cause at least you knew he valued you as a friend.

Now, you’re not even sure of that anymore.

You should be fine with him leaving. You’re just his friend.

And yet the heartbreak is overbearing.

Seokjin looks at you carefully as Hoseok keeps counting down to one, entirely unaware of what just happened as Ana counts with him but her eyes are on you.

You give her and Seokjin a weak smile, before averting your eyes quickly to count as well, not bearing to see the looks of pity in their eyes.

You hate this.

The clock strikes midnight.

You’ve never felt more alone.

.

.

The next morning finds you exhausted when you wake up on Seokjin’s couch. You’re not sure you could handle going back to the apartment and having Dinah and Jimin across the hall from you. Hoseok was going to spend the night at Ana’s, meaning firstly he kinda gave Jimin the pass to run wild and secondly you couldn’t crash at Ana’s. Of course, she insisted it was okay but you didn’t want to cockblock her on New Year’s. So Seokjin offered his home as an alternative which you happily accepted.

You’re dreading to go back to your flat, though already knowing it’s an inevitable curse, you leave a note for Seokjin to find when he wakes up and then you leave his apartment.

On the way home, you wonder if you should trek over to the donut shop around the corner for some heavenly delicacies but then you’d have to buy Jimin and Dinah some. And that is simply something you’re not willing to do.

Hopefully, they’ll be both asleep when you arrive, too tired to be up at 10 am on New Year’s, so you’ll get your chance to quietly slip into your room and avoid everyone for the rest of the week.

Maybe even a month until those stupid feelings finally decide to disappear.

You try your best to be as soundless as possible when you unlock the front door. You enter the living room on your tiptoes, closing the door quietly behind you before moving to throw your coat on the hanger.

The moment you think you’re alone passes by quickly when you hear the door of the fridge being shut and immediately turn around to see Jimin staring at you with bleary eyes. His hair is a mess as he’s clad in a white T-shirt and grey sweatpants as his pjs, a cup of what must be steaming coffee on one hand as the other runs through his locks. You find yourself salivating.

“Where did you go this early in the morning?” his gruff voice comes out, purely confused and before you get to correct him, his eyes fall on your figure. And he realizes you’re still dressed the same as last night.

“Did you just get here?” he asks, his voice a tad too sharp and accusing to be considered friendly and your arms wrap around your middle protectively.

“Uh, yeah… I crashed at Seokjin’s… Too tired to come back after helping Ana clean up…” you joke, forcing a laugh to hopefully ease the sudden tension hanging in the air.

Though your airy laugh doesn’t reach Jimin. Instead, his eyes are fixed on the wall to his right, jaw tense in what seems almost as anger before he takes a quick sip of his coffee and slum the cup on the counter.

“Ugh… are you okay-?” your confusion is apparent in your voice as Jimin walks off the kitchen, down the hallway.

“I’m going back to sleep…” he mumbles through clenched teeth before he disappears inside his bedroom and closes the door with a loud bang.

You stare weirdly at his door, bewildered by his entire behaviour but you’re still too sleepy to let it get to you. So instead you opt for crawling over to your room and hide beneath the covers.

.

.

The days after New Year’s turn out weirder and weirder to the point of questioning your mental state.

Seokjin still feels somewhat awkward around you after the kiss but instead of avoiding you, as any normal human being would do, he actively seeks you out, clinging to you and following you around like a shadow, as if the over-exposure will help him get rid of the awkwardness faster.

True to your words, none of you have said anything about it to the others, so you were half waiting for everyone to be immediately weirded out by Seokjin’s sudden display of affection. But apart from Ana that gave you some scarce confused looks, the other two haven’t made a single comment, as if this is a completely normal situation. They barely blink when even yourself gets creeped out from Seokjin’s insistent coddling.

Which brings you to the other weird thing happening in the flat.

Jimin barely talks to you anymore.

You don’t have the slightest idea why. If you said something, or done something that offended him, you’re none the wiser. And how are you supposed to know when he barely greets you in the morning?

Every time you attempt conversation, there’s always something he has to do, which sounds completely ironic, given you were the one that kinda did the same before.

Not to cover your own ass but you did that for the sake of your friendship! If Jimin ever finds out you’re into him, you can’t bear to think the effect this might have on your friendship.

Whereas Jimin might as well be angry over such a small thing as you using his earbuds.

It wouldn’t have bothered you that much if it wasn’t for Dinah.

Well, she barely does anything, it's just that Jimin always goes to her when he has the chance. Nights spent with all five of you together munching on popcorn in front of the TV, turn into awkward gatherings as Ana and Hoseok pair up against you and Seokjin, leaving the two of you cringing whenever the couple does something too coupley.

At New Year’s Eve, he practically admitted he wasn’t that much into her anymore and now he’s always with her. Did he lie back then? And if so why?

Everything is wrong and you don’t know how to fix it.

If only Jimin hadn’t begun dating Dinah, none of this would’ve happened. You wouldn’t have realised you liked him, he wouldn’t have spent so much time with her, he wouldn’t abandon the four of you for her.

Although, a small part of you screams you would’ve realised you liked Jimin either way. It wasn’t about Dinah.

And yet you can’t help the loathing that emerges like bile in your throat when you hear her name.

Or when Jimin, after two weeks of avoiding the rest of you, announces you are to throw a dinner so you can get to know her better.

You feel the headache splitting your skull open.

.

.

It’s nearly impossible to hide your sour mood once Dinah steps into the apartment.

A switch has flipped and where there was a smile from joking around with Ana, now there’s a permanent scowl on your face as you refuse to even acknowledge the newcomer, as she greets the rest of your friends.

Once she says hello to you too, you mumble something that resembles a greeting, not even bothering to look at her direction, as Ana regards you with a warning glare.

Deep down you know most of your attitude comes from Jimin’s behaviour these last couple of days, and Dinah’s direct contribution is only at roughly 10%. But you’re stubborn, immature and putting the blame on her seems like an easy way to cope with the situation and the hurricane of feelings swirling in your mind.

No one said it’s the right one. But for now, it’s what keeps you from hiding in your bedroom and wallowing in self-pity. Not that you won’t do that later.

You result in setting the table with Hoseok in silence, not really in the mood to talk, as everyone else sits in the living room and you catch glimpses of their conversation.

Seokjin and Ana talk about a new addition Seokjin wants to put on the menu of his restaurant, while Jimin and Dinah dally on the other side of the room.

You think you’re gonna barf.

“Ugh… Y/N are you okay?”

You turn around at the voice, surprised to see Hoseok stare at you with confused and worried eyes. Shit, did he sniff out something?

“Ah, yes! Why?” you put forward your most cheery voice in the hopes it will throw him off.

“‘Cause you keep stabbing the meat with the forks…” he comments carefully, leaning a bit backwards as his worry grows, once your confused eyes meet his.

And then you look back to the meat and, surely, all the forks you were supposed to pass around the table are stabbed into the steaks on the centre of the table.

Your eyes widen as you press your lips together in horror. God, why can’t you just behave for once?

You rush to remove all the utensils, dumping them into the sink and you pick out new ones, as Hoseok keeps staring at you with a raised eyebrow.

“I’m fine!” you respond with a clipped voice and you’re not sure what Hoseok hears in your voice but he drops it, in favour of placing the napkins around the table. Though you can still feel his weirded-out stare from time to time.

Once the table is set, Hoseok calls for everyone to gather around and one by one flock to their seats.

And as you put the finishing touches, you can’t help but hear Jimin’s conversation with Dinah.

“We have ice cream for dessert, you’re gonna love this one, it’s heavenly!” he says with excitement.

“Oh, only if it’s vegan, me and regular milk don’t go along…” she jokes and as Jimin says he’ll have someone check, an idea pops into your head. A petty, childish idea but it gives you some purpose for now.

So, she’s lactose intolerant? It would surely be a shame if she were to eat normal ice cream.

And by “shame” you mean hilarious.

The little voice in the back of your head berates you for acting so immature but at this moment you desperately need this. You can be salty for one evening.

What’s the harm?

.

.

Once everyone’s plates are empty, the lot of you migrate to the living room, as you stay in the kitchen to get the ice cream out of the freezer.

Jimin told Ana to ask you to check for the ice cream some time ago, -can you believe it, he didn’t even ask you! He had to talk to Ana for god’s sake-, and you did. But just as you’d suspected it wasn’t vegan.

So your plan is good to go.

You have Seokjin help you carry the bowls of ice cream to the living room and you pass each one around as they’re expected with excited noises.

Ana almost moans at the delicious flavour and Hoseok chuckles at his girlfriend’s antics as you sit next to Seokjin and dive straight into your own bowl.

During dinner it seemed everyone got along just fine with Dinah, talking and joking together as if she’s been a part of this group for a long time. And it bothers you even more.

You also recognize her attempts to get close to you as well but really you can’t be bothered. It comes to the point where she talked to you and all you did is give her a one-word answer before turning your attention somewhere else.

Though right at this moment your attention is solely on her as she takes a scoop out of her ice cream.

“Mmm, it’s really good!” she says excitedly to a smiling Jimin, as she swoops in for another spoon.

But after a few seconds, her eyebrows scrunch in confusion, as she keeps the ice cream in her mouth, looking as if she’s trying to figure out something. You can barely contain your gloating.

“Uhm, this ice cream is vegan right?” she rushes to say, eyes growing just a bit wider with what seems like panic.

Ana turns to look at you and you answer with the most innocent look you can manage, acting like you just realised you didn’t.

“Oh, oops! I guess I forgot to check, sorry! Why, are you lactose intolerant?” you respond in the first complete sentence you’ve given her tonight, internally gloating at her misfortune.

She swallows, her eyes widen even more, traces of fear growing in them. “Ugh, no-”

What does she mean no?

“I’m allergic.”

At once every conversation ceases, all eyes resting on her, wide in shock.

Fuck.

Jimin is the first to react.

“What?! Shit. Are you okay, should we take you to a hospital?” he asks in panic, placing the ice cream as further away from her as he can while you’re left staring at her in horror.

“Well, since I can feel my tongue thwelling, I thay we thould,” she comments shaking, losing the ability to pronounce the letter “s” as more time passes.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry,” you struggle to say, full of remorse, but no one seems to hear you as the situation goes haywire.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, this wasn’t supposed to happen!

Seokjin is immediately on his feet. “I’ll drive you there, you guys clean up here okay?” he commands urgently and as you feel the guilt overwhelming you, you stand up form your spot in an instant.

“I’ll come with!” your voice trembles as you reach for your bag while Jimin and Seokjin help Dinah out of the apartment hurriedly.

But as soon as you speak Jimin’s furious eyes are on you.

“I think you’ve done enough.”

And then he slams the door behind them.

You’re left staring at the piece of wood with trembling eyes, as Ana and Hoseok simply stare at you, Hoseok’s eyes wide in shock as yours while Ana’s are filled with disappointment.

You. Fucking. Idiot.

.

.

It’s almost four hours later when Jimin and Seokjin return, finding only Hoseok in the living room waiting for them as he asks them how it went.

But Jimin doesn’t bother answering him as he instead marches with loud, angry steps towards your room.

On the other side of the door, your nails are nearly non-existent from all the nervous thinking that has plagued your mind for the last few hours. Your texts to both of them asking how Dinah was, were left unanswered and you were left brewing in your own nerves.

Until the door opens and Jimin walks in.

You freeze in your spot once your eyes meet his and see the undecipherable expression on his face.

You only manage to mumble a guilt-ridden “hi” and he closes the door behind him as he closes his eyes and takes a deep, calming breath.

Although it seems to not do much.

“What the fuck, Y/N?!”

Your answer is immediate, full of regret. “I know, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry! Is she okay?” you ask, out of your wits with panic as you wait for him to answer.

He seems too tired, too exhausted as he responds. “They gave her an antihistamine, she’ll be fine,” he says with a sigh but then his eyes are full of rage as they rest on you again. “But do you realize what might have happened if we were a bit late?! She could have died!” he yells at you, voice full of unbridled outrage as his eyes grow even more with the passing of time and you feel smaller and smaller.

“I’m sorry!-” you repeat again, feeling incredibly awful with what you’ve done, “-I thought she was just lactose intolerant, not allergic!” you say in hopes of redeeming yourself even just a bit but maybe this wasn’t the right thing to say as it seems Jimin’s anger only grows.

“This isn’t the fucking point, Y/N!”, you flinch at the volume of his voice, “The point is you've been trying to sabotage this for weeks! You think I haven't seen the side-glances and the mocking giggles?! I fucking know you don’t like her but couldn’t you just pretend for my sake? Do you have to go to such lengths to let us all know you hate her?!” he spits at you with wild eyes and you fight the urge to wrap your arms around your frame.

“I didn’t poison her on purpose…” you mumble in explanation and your eyes stare at your feet, not daring to look at him, drowning in shame.

“No, but all the other things were!” he refutes with impatience, but then he sighs. His shoulders fall down but his jaw’s still clenched. “Why can’t you just be happy for me? I know what she did better than anyone, believe me, but people are allowed a second chance, and frankly, it’s not your place to decide if she deserves it or not. All I was asking of you was to be decent towards her because I was stupid enough to think you’re my friend above everything and you’d respect my wishes!” he confesses, face crest-fallen and what you once feared, -him looking like this because of you-, has finally come true. You can feel your eyes watering but you can do nothing to stop them.

“I am your friend!” you respond desperately with pleading eyes, trying to stop him from questioning how much he means to you. If only he knew exactly how much.

“Are you really?”, he questions back, “Because the rest of the guys are my friends too and they don’t have a problem with her. It’s just you! And if you can’t accept her and be happy for me then…” he stops, eyes falling on the floor, refusing to meet your gaze and you have an awful feeling blooming in the pit of your stomach.

“...Then we’re better off as just roommates,” he delivers the final blow.

You can’t believe your ears. There’s no way, no way.

You feel your throat closing up. “...You don’t mean that…” you mumble in denial, eyes blurry and voice almost breaking at the possibility of losing your best friend.

Jimin still refuses to look at you, his lips pursed as he shakes his head. “Yeah? And you said you’ll support me no matter what so I guess we both said things we don’t mean.”

“Or I guess that was just you,” he says in a final tone, eyes serious this time on you before he turns towards your door to leave your bedroom. To leave your life.

You can’t breathe.

“Jimin-” you manage to stutter out although you feel like choking. You can’t lose him, you simply can’t.

“No, Y/N, you can’t just-!” he snaps back but stops himself before saying anything else, pressing his lips together.

Then he takes another breath. He collects himself and before you manage to stop him, he closes the door on his way out with a loud bang.

And you can’t move. Your eyes simply stare at the door, refusing to let any tear drop and you purse your lips, feeling a mixture of stubbornness and sorrow.

He left. How could he? How could he push you aside for her?! You’ve been friends for a little more than five years now and he ruins your friendship because of her?! Her?!

You rush to lock the door behind him with blurry eyes, putting the blame on him as for now you need this to stay sane.

Tomorrow you’ll know that everything was your fault.

But for now, you choose to believe otherwise.

You step back from your door, crossing your arms on your chest in defiance.

“If he doesn’t want to be friends then we won’t be!” you exclaim in an attempt to salvage your broken ego but once those words are out of your mouth, once they finally feel real, you can’t stop the tears from rolling down your cheeks.

You have to cover your mouth to drown the sound of your sobs.

You can’t let him hear.

At that moment there’s a knock on your door, before “Y/N? It’s Seokjin, can I come in?”

His voice is quiet, calm, reminding you that he and Hoseok probably heard everything. You can’t deal with it. You can’t deal with any of it.

“Go away, Seokjin…” you mumble with a low voice in order to hide the fact you’re crying.

You hear him sighing. “Come one, at least talk to me-”

“Go away!” your voice is coarse as you yell back, for a second not realising it was you. You know you're gonna regret yelling at him later, but you just want to be alone.

There’s silence on the other side. Then the echoing steps of someone leaving.

And then you break down in the middle of your room.

Alone.

The only sound coming from your quiet sobs.

.

.

{Jimin’s POV}

Keep it together. Don’t lose focus now just because she looks like she’s about to cry.

It’s easier said than done, but Jimin manages to remain focused on what he came here to do. Even if it’s just barely.

He can’t go on like this. Maybe if you were happy for him and actually supported him, things would be different. But when you act like a spoiled baby that didn’t get her wish with no excuse whatsoever when you were supposed to be okay with Dinah… there’s not much he can do.

Not when your behaviour acts as a false beacon of hope. One he can’t afford to see. Otherwise, he might do something he can’t take back.

He’s got to be firm and decisive.

So he turns around to leave before he takes it all back.

“Jimin-” he hears the breaking in your voice, knowing how much this may weigh you down but all he can feel right now is unfairness. It’s unfair how he wants to move on but with one single word he finds his resolve crumbling.

You shouldn’t affect him this much.

“No, Y/N, you can’t just-!” he begins but stops himself. What was he about to say? Something he shouldn’t, probably.

Still, you stop talking. And you just stare at him, with disbelief written in your eyes. He avoids those in favour of staying true to his words.

There’s no saying what he’ll do if he meets them.

So, he simply leaves your bedroom.

Marching through the small distance between your door and his, he can see Hoseok and Seokjin, from the corner of his eyes, staring.

They probably heard everything.

He steps into his bedroom, closing the door behind him, needing some space. To calm down, to take a breath, to finally think about what he just did.

You looked like you were ready to break down at any moment.

Maybe he shouldn’t have been that harsh with you. Maybe he was a bit too hasty, too vengeful in making that decision.

Someone knocks on his door.

What if it’s you?

His steps can’t take him to his door any faster.

But it’s just Hoseok.

“... what?” he hears himself get defensive once he sees your door still closed shut behind the other man.

Hoseok stares at him with understanding. “It doesn’t have to be like that, Jimin…” he comments with a soft voice, always knowing how to approach Jimin when he’s angry, better than anyone.

Jimin sighs, still feeling stubborn but he knows by the end of what Hoseok has to say, he’ll almost certainly listen.

“... Let’s talk about it okay? I’m sure Y/N wants that too…” at those words Jimin swears he feels a small pinch of pain on his chest. He wishes they’re true.

“Seokjin is also gonna talk to her…”

But those words manage to bring his stubbornness back full force.

There’s a chuckle coming out of Jimin but none of it sounds happy.

“Of course he will…” he snaps at Hoseok, who bites his lip once he realises his mistake. “Yeah, Hoseok, I think I’ll pass,” the bitterness is evident in his words, not bothering to hide it from the one person that knows the cause of it.

Hoseok’s eyes widen once he realises Jimin is about to close the door on him. “Wait, Jimin, don’t-”

“Goodnight,” is what Jimin simply says before closing the door on his best friend.

.

.

He can’t be sure when everything began to change. He can’t place a finger on the exact moment his feelings had changed.

On the exact moment, he fell in love with you.

Was it the moment you walked through the door as a roommate applicant? He can’t be sure. But somewhere along the way, the feelings bloomed, outgrew everything he ever felt for anyone.

He just was a bit late at realizing it.

When he woke up after you slept together and his eyes rested on you as you slept, he felt a pain in the middle of his chest. But it didn’t feel like a regular pain, it felt like his heart was expanding like he was experiencing growing pains. Because while he stared at you, he realised there was nothing else he’d rather do. You looked so serene, so at peace sleeping next to him, he never wanted the moment to end.

And that’s how he realised.

Of course, he had to push his newly-found knowledge aside when he saw you nearly going into panic mode. Just because he felt like this, didn’t mean you did too.

So he hid those feelings, playing it cool for the sake of being your friend.

But this shit was difficult when he was surrounded by you twenty-four-seven.

Right before Seokjin’s birthday he had sworn he’d finally tell you. He thought that maybe, just maybe you’d like him back, or at least he’d get to have a weight lifted off his chest.

But then he saw you hugging Seokjin…

He wasn’t trying to spy on you or anything. He was just trying to reach the bathroom when he saw you wrapping your arms around Seokjin. Around the guy you had a crush on for the past few years. It was like a stab to his stomach, even more so when he knew you weren’t really into hugs and when you did hug someone, it usually meant a lot to you.

Jimin couldn’t believe his eyes. He also couldn’t believe how much it hurt and how much he needed something to distract himself.

Or, rather, someone.

That’s how Dina came along.

He never intended to string her along this far though. At that night she was just a distraction, someone familiar who knew how to take care of him, despite everything that had transpired between them in the past.

But Dinah kept trying, kept fighting vigorously for that second chance and he couldn’t help but acknowledge how much she’d changed over the past year. So he let her back into his life, hoping that at least she’d help him forget about you.

And it worked for some time. Until that night.

Until the night you were supposed to go on a date with Seokjin and cancelled it because of him - he’s sure of it even if you vehemently denied it back then-. The night you were dressed on that tight, little, black dress, the one that reminded him of that night eight months ago and suddenly his mind was going haywire with thoughts, or rather, memories of you.

He swears he saw hunger in your eyes when his palm was on your thigh, scorching both of you at the connected spot and if it wasn’t for Hoseok’s interruption, he was sure he’d’ve lost control.

Jimin hates to admit it but that night he kept thinking of you, of your eyes, of your lips, of the way your thighs had fit around his waist back then, of the sound of his name falling from your lips as he touched himself, trying to drown his moans onto his pillow.

He couldn’t talk to you after that for a couple of days. Too ashamed, too embarrassed, too enamoured with you, he thought you’d be able to see right through him.

But once things got back to normal, they were ruined once more.

Dinah appeared at the worst of times at New Year’s. He was so close to letting you know how he feels, encouraged by your reaction when you ditched your date for him, which was another green light for him at the moment. But Dinah showed up and you were out of there before he even got a chance to explain.

Hoseok had found him then, drinking away his sorrows.

“And the worst of all is, she’s dating Seokjin, which I now realise makes me a big jerk and an awful friend as I keep trying to steal away his girlfriend,” Jimin mumbled before downing the rest of his drink.

Hoseok seemed perplexed but that might have been from the near-alcohol-poisoning he just had before Dr. Ana “nursed” him back to health. “And remind me, how are you sure she’s dating Seokjin? They haven’t told us anything yet…”

Jimin stared into his drink, already sort of tipsy on alcohol and self-pity. “Saw ‘em huggin’...” he mumbled behind the glass. Hoseok had to do a double-take at that.

“What?” Hoseok responded in disbelief. “That’s it? Dude, I do that with Seokjin all the time, that doesn’t mean I’m dating him!”

Jimin sighed in annoyance. “It was more than that okay? There was this feeling to it! I could tell it wasn’t just a simple hug!” Jimin groaned as he rubbed his face with his hand.

Hoseok rolled his eyes at his friend. “Still you can never be sure by just a hug! Have you talked to her?”

“No, I tried to but Dinah came in and she left as soon as she saw her…” Jimin admitted and Hoseok almost laughed out loud at his friend’s idiocy.

“Bro, if that isn’t a sign to talk to her, then I’m not dating the most bomb person in the whole ass world.”

Jimin wasn’t impressed as he cocked an eyebrow at his friend.

Hoseok wasn’t deterred. “I can see you have an objection here and it’s a complete disgrace to Ana’s name, so Imma pound you to logic city later, you limp dick, but right now you need to talk to Y/N!” he concluded as he shoved Jimin out of his stool.

Jimin groaned as he stood up, but as his eyes fell to the bottom of his drink, he realised Hoseok was right. He should’ve talked to you first. Maybe he had misunderstood and there was nothing going on with Seokjin.

And right then as he saw you bumping into Seokjin, he figured it was a great opportunity to find out what was happening between the two of you from both parties involved.

But as his steps got him closer and closer, he saw you kiss him.

He froze. He couldn’t look, couldn’t bear, but still, his eyes stayed glued to the both of you as your arms circled around his neck to press him closer.

Jimin felt like vomiting.

He turned around right then and there and walked away. He needed to get out of there. He gave Dinah a half-assed apology as he also sent her on her merry way and he left for his apartment. He couldn’t even tell Hoseok why he was leaving the party, only announcing his departure and disappearing.

It was the first time in years he spent New Year’s alone.

He hated it.

.

.

{Y/N’s POV}

You’ve done the worst sleep in ages.

You rub your eyes, immediately regretting it when the slightest touch has them stinging from how swollen they are from all the crying.

Right. It wasn’t just a dream.

You drag your feet begrudgingly across the floor to the bathroom to splurge some water on your face, in a futile attempt to calm down your puffy eyes. Before you’re off to the kitchen where Hoseok is currently eating his breakfast cereal.

Once he hears the sound of footsteps, he raises his head, only to see you awkwardly walk in the kitchen, eyes downcast as you go for the fridge.

“Hey,” you hear him say.

With your face facing the inside of the fridge you take a breath, letting the low temperature calm you down.

You knew it was coming. Hoseok definitely listened to everything along with Seokjin. And yet you don’t feel like replying.

Nonetheless, you turn around and acknowledge him with a tilt of your head as you move to have the coffee machine working.

“So… How you feeling?”

The question prompts a humourless chuckle out of you and Hoseok sighs in response.

“I know, that’s a lousy question. I just…” he takes a breath, eyes gentle on you, not at all judgemental as you’d expect them, after what you’ve done yesterday, “I mean I know Jimin’s side of the story, but I never heard yours…” he concludes, letting a soft smile take over his features.

Huh. Your side of the story.

You swallow the lump in your throat, but the words don’t come out. Instead, you resolve to looking down at the floor as your hands grab tightly at your empty cup.

Hoseok, sensing your hesitation, sighs resigned but he doesn’t push you on it.

A moment passes when both of you remain silent until your coffee is ready. You pour the liquid into your cup, almost moaning in relief you don’t have to stay here another second.

But before you get to leave Hoseok speaks up again.

“I know things may look like a mess right now but I’m sure this won’t be the case forever. Jimin… yeah, he’s mad but you're his best friend. He’s gonna change his mind soon…” Hoseok’s gentle words reach you and, oh god, how do you want to believe them.

You turn to look at him and see the hope written in his eyes.

You give him what might have resembled a smile if you weren’t feeling so beat-down.

“You didn’t see the way he looked at me Hobi…” you whisper and Hoseok’s face falls just a bit at how broken you sound.

“Things will change, I’m certain of it,” still he replies, eyes full of determination that make the slightest sliver of hope go through the cracks of your sorrow.

Right then another pair of footsteps echoes as Jimin walks into the kitchen.

His sudden arrival has you both freeze, eyes resting on the newcomer and while Hoseok keeps on looking at Jimin, you’re quick to avert your gaze, the lump in your throat growing.

A second passes where Jimin doesn’t move forward or backwards. Like he isn’t sure if you could be in the same room anymore after yesterday's events. Your heart pangs at the thought.

He coughs awkwardly.

“I didn’t know you were awake, I can come back later-” he begins softly, eyes avoiding yours as well, making the pain grow a little sharper.

“No, it’s okay, I was done anyway…” you interrupt him, hands gripping tightly at your steaming cup as if it is a life board.

And without another word, you’re out of the kitchen.

.

.

{Hoseok’s POV}

A week passes by and it seems there’s no hope for reconciliation on the horizon.

Both of you went the extra miles and rearranged your schedules to avoid each other as much as possible. Jimin spends nearly every night at Dinah’s, barely seeing the others and you spend days locked into your room under the pretence of writing, but really you’re just avoiding everyone.

The rest of the guys don’t know what to do anymore.

It’s a Friday afternoon when Hoseok is over at Ana’s place, the mood in his apartment too heavy to bear and he can’t bear this anymore.

“Babe, I’m back, they didn’t have any vinegar chips so I bought oregano instead. Can you imagine the disgrace?” he shouts as soon as he steps back into the apartment, after a small walk to the seven eleven down the street.

But instead of hearing his girlfriend’s welcoming back, he hears her sigh. Then he sees her walk around the corner from the kitchen with her phone pressed to her ear like she’s in a conference call.

“I still don’t understand why won’t you just tell him!” Ana speaks on the phone, sending a tired wave to her boyfriend who looks at her entirely confused.

Hoseok just takes his shoes off and plops himself on the couch, sensing Ana won’t be done with that phone call anytime soon.

There’s a silence from her side as she listens intently to what the other person is saying. Hoseok decides to open the bag of chips just to keep his hands occupied.

After a while, Ana talks again.

“But what if she doesn’t tell him?” she? First, she mentioned a “him” and now a “she”? Hoseok’s getting more confused by the second.

“And what about Jimin then? Doesn’t he deserve to know the truth?” her voice is stern, like a mother berating her child and a sound of understanding leaves Hoseok’s lips, as he concludes Ana is talking to you.

There’s a small silence from your side, indicating no response to Ana’s question and so she keeps talking.

“And I’m talking about the whole truth Y/N.”

Hoseok’s intrigued. What whole truth?

“I know I was the first person to be against telling him about your feelings but with how poorly you handled the situation, I don’t think you can possibly make anything worse!”

At that, Hoseok’s eyes blow wide open. Feelings?! What feelings?! 

He’s immediately up, approaching Ana with quick steps as she listens to your response. Your voice, even though muffled through the phone, sounds weaker, sadder. Disheartened.

Ana’s words are softer now. “But you’ll never be able to do this. You’ll never be ready but, the truth is, no one ever is. That’s kinda how it goes and that’s okay. But you gotta do it at some point, sooner or later,” she talks to you calmly, Hoseok sensing her sorrow at hearing you like this.

But he can’t shake the feeling that he can somehow help if he finds out what those feelings are.

Ana sighs tiredly as if what she just said didn’t have much of an impact. “Y/N-” but before she gets to respond you hang up.

Ana gasps while staring at her phone. “She just hung up on me, I can’t believe it, how dare?” she says to no one in particular as she rubs her hands on her face tiredly.

“Tough luck?” Hoseok comments wrapping his hands around her waist. Ana welcomes the embrace, her hands winding around his neck as she rests her head on his shoulder.

“She just won’t listen! She’s so infuriatingly stubborn and it’s driving me nuts!” she blows a stray hair out of her face, accidentally tickling Hoseok’s skin in the process and he chuckles.

“Kinda like you then?” he teases as he finally pushes that stray lock behind her ear and she pokes out her tongue at him in retaliation before falling into peaceful tranquillity.

Hoseok hates to disrupt this but he has to ask her what all of those things meant. For the sake of Jimin.

“Hey, babe…” he begins and Ana hums in acknowledgement.

“When you talked about Y/N’s feelings…” he feels her stiffen in his embrace but nonetheless he carries on, “... what did you mean?”

Ana takes a breath. “I guess there’s no point in not telling you now…” she speaks softly before taking another breath, one Hoseok holds until he hears her answer.

“Y/N… she likes Jimin. Well I mean that’s what she says anyway. I think it’s way more than that…” Ana admits sadly but Hoseok’s mind goes into overdrive.

“Are you serious…?” he asks in what can be perceived as a calm demeanour but in reality, his head is about to explode.

Ana chuckles calmly, still in Hoseok’s embrace. “I know right?”

Oh my god, they’re both idiots, he thinks. But he has to do something now.

“Oh god, those giant baboons!” he almost yells, making Ana flinch and take a step back to look at him perplexed.

“Hoseok…?”

He laughs incredulously as he takes a step back, trying to process the situation.

“For how long?” he asks and Ana looks more weirded out by the second.

“Two months, give or take?” Ana responds with narrowed eyes.

Hoseok chuckles. “That’s…” when Jimin started going out with Dinah, of course, it all makes sense!

“Seriously our friends are the worst idiots ever!” he complains once more.

“Okay, now do you mind telling me what’s going on?” she retaliates, getting irritated with her boyfriend and his tendency of not explaining anything for the dramatics.

“Jimin likes her back!” he shouts out loud, the magnificence of what he found out too overwhelming to bear.

Ana’s eyes widen. “What? How can that be? What about Dinah?”

Hoseok narrows his eyes at her. “He began dating her again after that one night stand that only happened because he saw Y/N hugging Seokj- Wait! What about Seokjin?”

Ana seems confused. “What about Seokjin?”

“Isn’t Y/N dating him?”

Ana almost bursts out in giggles. “What? No! Of course not! Why would you think that?”

“Cause of the hug!”

“So what, a simple hug means automatically they’re dating each other?”

“Well, we all know Y/N hates hugs, plus she had a crush on him so it would be believable- Wait, that’s not the point. So Y/N isn’t dating Seokjin?”

“Nope. Never did,” Ana concludes as both of them fall into the same realization.

“So Jimin did all that stuff…” Ana begins, not quite believing the absurdity of the situation.

“...Because he thought Seokjin was dating Y/N,” Hoseok admits tiredly.

“We gotta tell Jimin,” Ana grabs her phone to punch in his number before Hoseok stops her.

“Wait…” he stares at the phone, the cogs in his mind whirling before his eyes light up.

“I got a better idea.”

.

.

{Jimin’s POV}

Sweat still drips down his forehead as Jimin bids goodbye to his students, after the end of his contemporary class. He reaches for his water bottle and heads for the teachers’ lounge where his stuff is before he gets to his last class.

He wipes his forehead with the back of his hand before pressing the now lukewarm bottle on the nape of his neck, to get some sort of relief.

Once again, his focus wasn’t entirely on the class. It has been like that ever since your fight, but at least it started getting better as time passed. Still not at its best though.

He finds himself feeling guilty more than he thought he would. Guilty towards you, towards Dinah. It’s a mess.

Admittedly, he was really mad at you but as he got to think it over, he realised he acted too rashly in cutting you off. And he misses you already.

But the thing is… you haven't made a move to reconcile either. That could be because you’re afraid of him pushing you away again. But shouldn't you make the first step? If you did, Jimin is sure he would forgive you on the spot.

He shakes his head tiredly as he enters the teachers’ lounge and reaches for his backpack. Everything’s a mess.

And then there’s Dinah. Dinah who’s changed, who’s kind and understanding. Dinah who he strings along and who’s possibly already aware of Jimin’s use of her as a distraction. They both know that, even though Dinah’s changed and everything’s seemingly fine, the relationship is doomed this time around as well.

Although this time it’s Jimin’s fault.

He needs to come clean to her. He has to end this.

Right then his phone begins ringing.

Once he sees the contact name, he’s a little less willing to answer it.

“What do you want?” is his response once he picks up and there’s an awkward chuckle at the other end before the caller finally replies.

“Whoa, okay, forward, can’t you buy me a drink first, champ?” Seokjin tries to make the tension disappear unsuccessfully, resulting in Jimin not even answering that particular quip.

He hears Seokjin sigh on the other side, before “Anyway, can’t I just call my friend to see how he’s doing? It’s been a while since the last time we talked…” the other man admits cautiously and Jimin’s defensiveness slowly ebbs away to give place to additional guilt. He’s the one blowing off all his friends because he wants space. Or more precisely, he thinks, because he’s a coward, too afraid to really deal with the situation, so instead picking the easy way out, at the expense of his friends.

He rubs his face with his hands, before letting out a breath. “Yeah, I know, things have been kind of…” Jimin trails off but Seokjin hums, as if he understands what Jimin means without him having to say it out loud.

“Yeah…” Seokjin agrees quietly and Jimin feels more horrible as time goes by. When did he begin to feel such animosity towards his friend? They used to be really close ever since they worked together at the same shift, and now Jimin can barely be in the same room as him. It’s not Seokjin’s fault in any way and the truth is Jimin’s animosity arises not towards Seokjin but more towards himself.

He has stuff he needs to work on.

“Actually, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about…” comes Seokjin’s response that has Jimin sitting up straight in his seat, terrified of what his friend wants to talk to him about.

And it seems his fears were not unjustified.

“How long have you liked Y/N?”

There it is.

Jimin takes a breath, panic trying to take over him but he wills it to go away and answer his friend. Even if he’s terrified to do so.

“I…” he begins, audible shakiness colouring his voice, “... how do you know?”

Seokjin doesn’t hesitate to answer. “Hoseok told me…”

Jimin takes another breath, one full of guilt.

“Look, I… I’m sorry, I didn't mean for it to happen, it just did! And I know it’s awful of me to have done this but, yeah, for some time I had thought of acting on it. But now that I know for certain you’re together, I wouldn’t even dream of-”

“First of all, Y/N and I are not together.” Seokjin interrupts the babbling idiot and Jimin stops mid-sentence.

He blinks, uncertain. “I… what?”

Seokjin sighs with a chuckle. “Y/N and I aren’t dating,” he repeats.

Jimin opens his mouth like a fish, in complete and utter shock. “But… but I saw you…” he states full of doubt, almost like a question.

He can almost hear Seokjin raising his eyebrow. “You saw us doing what?”

The lump in his throat doesn’t make this any easier. “I saw you kissing a-a-aand-and hugging!” he retaliates, trying to support his reasoning.

Seokjin sighs once more, the gesture coming off him naturally by now. “Okay, she kissed me because she wanted to avoid a dude she ghosted, I had little to no say in this!” Seokjin responds in a typical Seokjin fashion.

But Jimin has more questions. “A dude she ghosted?”

“Yeah, she was supposed to go on a date with this guy in my restaurant but blew him off for some reason…”

Wait.

“When was this?” Jimin asks, eager but nervous to find out the answer.

“A couple of days before Christmas.”

So that wasn’t a date with Seokjin but just a rando?

God, Jimin has fucked up big time.

“And what about the hug?” he asks for the last time, to make sure he resolves any misunderstanding.

“What hug? Oh, you mean on my birthday? Dude, that was just her coming clean about her past crush on me and us moving past this like a couple of adults.”

Jimin’s throat constricts uncomfortably but in unbelievable hope. “Past crush?”

Seokjin’s smile is nearly audible. “Yeah, “past”. Know why? Because she has feelings for someone else.”

And just as easily as Seokjin has given him hope, he just as easily rips it away.

“Oh…?” Jimin barely manages to utter, voice almost breaking alongside his heart. “Who?”

Seokjin groans on the other side, taking Jimin wholly by surprise by the irritated tone in the older man’s voice. “Oh my god, you really are both idiots,” he says almost to himself, “You, you soggy tit! Do you really think she did all that to Dinah simply because she didn’t like her? No, she was fucking jealous!” Seokjin concludes, voice rushed and angry to berate his friend and finally put an end to this huge mess.

But Jimin hears only one word.

You.

She has feelings for you.

The girl he’s been in love with for nearly a year now, if not more, has feelings for him. Reciprocated feelings.

Is this real? Is this a fucking dream from which he’ll wake up in the morning, feeling shittier than ever?

But Seokjin said she was jealous. Jealous.

“She- She was? Seokjin, just…” he stops himself to take a calming breath, refusing to believe this just yet, “Please, don’t joke about this, I’m not gonna laugh,” he warns his friend. He can’t bear to have his heart messed with any more than it already has been.

“Does it sound like I’m joking? Believe me, I wouldn’t, we’re all too invested in your shit, it’s not healthy.”

Jimin can’t believe this. He wants to, desperately, but what if it’s not real? What then?

“I…” he swallows his nerves, “She really has feelings for me?” he asks, not unlike a hopeful child. God, his heart is about to burst.

“Yeah, buddy, I know it’s hard to believe when I exist!” Seokjin tries to lighten up the mood with a joke.

Jimin doesn’t laugh.

“...Too soon? Sorry, anyway, I thought you should also know Y/N really feels awful for everything and if there’s one thing that can confirm that, is the fact she apologized to Dinah,” Seokjin concludes carefully.

Jimin doesn’t know how to respond.

“But if you don’t believe me… Ask Y/N herself.”

But he knows what to do.

.

.

{Y/N’s POV}

You’re washing the dishes, alone at home for another hour at the very least as Jimin’s classes end in one hour.

Should you go to Ana’s? Ugh, but Hoseok is there.

Maybe you should just hole yourself up in your room for the scarce time Jimin will be here before he’s off to Dinah’s.

Which reminds you of earlier today.

In Dinah’s defence, she handled your apology quite gracefully, in contrast with you. You were a babbling mess, trying to put your thoughts into place and at first, she was suspicious of you, but once your visit made sense, she seemed to understand. Something even you couldn’t at times.

She accepted your apology with a calm smile, confusing you even more as she said she appreciated your effort to put all of this behind you.

You were glad she seemed to not hold it against you although, honestly… you don’t think you deserve it.

You have no idea if she’s planning on telling Jimin or not and quite frankly you’re terrified of what he’ll say if he finds out.

Once you’re done with the dishes and close the tap, you hear the front door open and close, assuming it’s Hoseok back from Ana’s.

“Hobi, is that you?” you ask before turning around, only to almost choke on your own breath when you see Jimin instead.

He’s standing just in front of the door, not going forwards or backwards, as his eyes stare at you. Serious, careful but calm. No anger residing in them. Just awkwardness as he seems to not know what to do with himself, as he simply rests in place and somehow a tiny drop of hope begins to bloom.

“I… Don’t you have classes?” is the first thing you manage to get out of your mouth and he takes a breath.

“I had to get out early…” he responds and you can’t help but focus on the “had to”. Did Dinah talk to him after all?

“...Why?” is your careful question, when in reality your mind is in a state of disarray. Is this a good sign? A bad one? Is he here to restore your friendship to what it used to be or finally cut ties with you and move out?

Your mind is gonna short-circuit.

“I…” he begins, eyes falling to the floor. Then he takes another breath. “I had to talk to you,” he says.

Oh god. This is it. You’re done.

Your throat closes up as you blink quickly trying to stop your eyes from welling up. Damnit, you already cried so much about this, you shouldn’t have any more tears left!

He takes a tentative step forward, eyes finding yours once again. But they look… soft, tender. Apologetic.

“I… I’m sorry. For the way I acted,” he breathes out and your eyes widen, having to do a double-take to make sure you heard right. “I was too harsh on you, basically taking out my nerves on you and even though what you did was awful, I shouldn’t have taken such drastic measures. I took it too far by saying we shouldn’t be friends and I’d like to take it back if you want to…” he concludes, observing you cautiously.

You’re left staring at him like a deer caught in headlights. Is he serious? Did he just apologize to you like he was the one at fault?

“Jimin, oh my god, you shouldn’t have to apologize, I should!” you rush to say, instinctively grabbing his hands to soothe him, completely missing the taken aback turned loving look in his eyes.

“I acted way out of line and truth be told I think I needed that as a wake-up call. You were right, what kind of friend am I if I don’t try to get along with the girl you’re dating?” you continue, too self-conscious to be able to look Jimin in the eye, instead staring at your joined hands with a new kind joy.

You got your best friend back. And if keeping him means you have to bury your feelings for him, then you’ll do it. For real this time. Whatever it takes to not lose him again.

Jimin chuckles in response. “Used to date,” he corrects you.

This time though you can’t help it when your eyes snap back at him. “What? What do you mean?”

Where you expected to be a sorrowful expression, there is none. Instead, Jimin is looking at you with a soft smile, a serene one, one that matches the peace in his eyes. “We broke up,” he says and you can’t find the proper words to react to this.

“Oh… H-how so?” you say instead, unwillingly holding your breath.

Jimin’s eyes rest on your face for a moment, that damned smile still gracing his lips, before his eyes fall to your hands. “I guess you helped me realise some things with what you did,” is his cryptic response.

But before you get to question his answer his eyes turn stern, with a note of mischief hiding in their corners. “That does not mean what you did was okay, though,” he says, pointing his finger at you like a teacher disciplining a child and you chuckle at his attempt of lightening up the mood.

“Believe me, I know. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive myself…” you respond, rubbing a hand awkwardly at the base of your neck, still awfully aware of your other hand still connected to Jimin’s.

“Well…” he says quietly, his eyes on your joined hands, “Good thing I did then…” he mutters, his thumb running over the back of your palm soothingly and once your eyes meet his, you know you’ll be okay.

.

.

After that talk with Jimin, -that ended with the both of you watching Space Jam and cuddling to sleep-, everything is once again back to normal. The past week has been amazing compared to the one before it. You find yourself smiling all the time as your friendship with Jimin is back to its prime, laughter and joy returning to your shared apartment.

Your group returns back to its routine, hanging out together in front of the TV, roasting Hoseok for his abundant sexual energy, you know, the usual.

And yet you feel like something’s changed. More particularly, with Jimin.

You catch his eyes on you more than once, more than what could be considered normal but ever since you made up the two of you haven’t been left alone once. The guys are always around and, really, it’s not like you don’t want them to be but there’s always something hanging from Jimin’s mouth, something he wants to say but never does due to their presence. It’s slightly unnerving, reminding you of that night outside your bedrooms when he wanted to say something but didn't.

You can’t tell if it’s good or bad. All you know is suddenly your knees shake when he looks at you for too long and you have goosebumps whenever his skin touches yours.

So that’s why tonight you chose to sit on the lone armchair as he sits next to Hoseok on the big couch and Ana is placed next to Seokjin on the small one.

Somehow the conversation managed to go on that New Year’s party and Seokjin ended up spilling about your kiss.

“You said “we take this to the grave”!” you respond with a low voice, trying to mimic him unsuccessfully as Ana and Hoseok stare at you with eyes wide as saucers. Jimin, for some reason, looks unresponsive to the news yet he laughs at your bad impression of Seokjin.

Seokjin at least has the decency to look guilty as Ana’s scandalized eyes turn to you. “You kissed?!”

You raise your hands in defence, for some reason avoiding to look over at Jimin. “I didn’t do it on purpose! Well… I kinda did but not with the motive you’d assume,” you rush to explain, though Ana is less than satisfied.

“Oh then with what motive? Please amuse me, hoe,” she responds, crossing her hands on her chest and you huff out in annoyance.

Seokjin answers her. “Well, obviously, she wanted a piece of all that. I’m pretty irresistible to all humankind,” he jokes lightly and you suppress a snort.

“Yeah, no, this ain’t it, chief,” you rush to say, suddenly nervous, not wanting anyone to think you’re still into Seokjin.

Actually, replace “anyone” with just “Jimin”.

Seokjin gasps in offence. “What in the world do you even mean?! You’re lucky I kissed you and not just because you got rid of that dude! I’m a pretty good kisser, no scratch that, I’m an excellent kisser, a connoisseur of kissing if you will!”

“I think I won’t be able to kiss anyone after that…” Hoseok responds which makes Seokjin gasp once more before he looks over at you.

“Y/N, tell them the truth. How my kissing is so utterly magnificent, it could end world hunger!” he says before actually hearing what he just said then deciding against it, “Nope, can’t do that, sorry, that’s on me.”

You chuckle at his antics, although a bit reluctant to actually reveal the truth.

“Actually…” you start.

Another gasp resonates. “Don’t “actually” me! Just tell them!”

You turn to the other guys with a roll of your eyes.

“Look, it’s not like you were a bad kisser per se. It’s just that it was a bit… lackluster?” you finish, almost afraid to see Seokjin’s reaction to the reveal.

Jimin suppresses a chuckle, Hoseok oohs from the side and Ana’s eyes widen in surprise.

Seokjin looks at you with disbelief.

“Lackluster?”

You rush to make amends. “I mean it’s okay given I took you by surprise, but due to that crush I used to have on you, I had this notion of a kiss full of passion. And that one just… didn’t have it.” 

Seokjin pouts angrily at you before crossing his arms on his chest as Ana pats his shoulder soothingly. “I can’t believe you just said my kiss didn’t have any passion.”

You shrug. “Well, it didn’t,” you say as a matter of a fact before Ana jumps into the conversation.

“It’s probably a good thing your kiss didn’t have any passion, it just means your friends. No chemistry there so don’t beat yourself up too much, champ,” she says with an affectionate pinch on Seokjin’s cheek, who ponders on her input.

“Yeah, Ana is right!” you rush to agree. “It’s because we’re just friends! When you find someone you really like, believe me, it’ll be nothing like that,” you go off track a bit as certain memories reappear. “It’ll be full of passion and yearning and not getting enough of each other, you’re not sure if you can go on without kissing them!”

And somehow by the end of that, your eyes fall on Jimin’s and stay there.

Because he stares back.

“Okay, I think we heard enough about Seokjin’s kissing techniques,” Ana comments, breaking the spell and your eyes fall to your lap, fire residing in your cheeks.

“I just have one last comment on what I think Seokjin could’ve used but didn’t cause he’s a wuss,” Hoseok jumps in.

“Tongue.”

A round of gagging noises is heard around the apartment.

.

.

The hours pass by smoothly and soon everyone’s getting sleepy. Seokjin leaves early, having to go to the restaurant first thing in the morning, leaving the rest of you to clean up.

Once again Jimin picks up the trash with Ana as Hoseok helps you do the dishes. The apartment falls into a comfortable silence with the occasional chatter between the four of you while you clean up. Hoseok is to sleepover at Ana’s so when you’re all done the couple bids you goodbye, heading to Ana’s apartment.

Leaving you and Jimin totally alone.

Which is something that shouldn’t scare you but for some reason your nerves are going through the roof.

“Are you done with the kitchen?” Jimin asks from the living room, where he’s rearranging the pillows on the couch.

“Yeap! Just finished!” you call back, your voice a bit higher than usual and you cringe internally before clearing your throat.

“Good, I’m going to bed then,” he responds as you walk out of the kitchen.

“I’ll walk with you,” you respond with a smile, following him into the corridor.

You walk in comfortable silence, but still, you find yourself getting nervous as you walk side by side. It doesn’t make any sense.

Once you reach your bedrooms, both of you turn around to face each other, seemingly unwilling to depart just yet. Jimin looks at you with a soft smile as you grab at the opportunity to talk to him.

“Jimin, I just… I’m really happy we got past that and again I’m sorry for the trouble I’ve caused,” you say in what seems like the hundredth apology this week.

Jimin’s smile grows fonder as he shakes his head gently. “I told you, you should stop apologizing, I’m no longer mad at you,” is his quiet reply as he tilts his head, his eyes staring at you in a way it makes your heart race.

“I know I just… That week we spent not talking to each other was the worst week of my life and I…” you pause searching for the right words, but no words could ever describe the magnificence of what you’re feeling right now, the desperation of wanting to have him in your life. So you simply stare at him, out of breath, hoping he gets it.

His smile is one of the best things you’ve ever seen and you know he does.

You smile back. “Anyway, I’ve gotten too sentimental…” you chuckle, clearing your voice to sound more collected.

Jimin giggles softly. “Happens to the best of us…” he responds gently and you have to remind yourself to not stare. Even if he does and it makes you feel out of breath.

You nod with a smile. “Well…” you respond nervously, yearning for the moment you’re alone in your room, free of all this tension. “Goodnight,” you say simply, turning around to get to your door.

But a hand wraps itself around your wrist, turning you around suddenly. Your hands naturally fall to Jimin’s chest as his palms wrap around your waist and hair as his lips fall fervently on yours.

Your mind goes into overdrive and you can only kiss him back.

His plump lips wrap around your own softly but with an intense sense of urgency, a soft gasp falling from your lips as your hands are quick into grabbing his shirt to pull him unbelievably closer. You respond with just as much hunger, letting your mouth move fervently against his own, pushing more and more against him, aiding his hand that’s tangled in your hair, gripping the locks as if he can’t get enough. Then both of his palms are on the small of your back, holding you close as if fearing you’ll leave. But you never do and that makes him press more against you until your back hits the wall next to your door.

The impact makes Jimin lean back just enough to stop the kiss, but his eyes still remain glued to the image of your swollen lips, as you almost lean after his own.

Your heavy breaths mingle in the otherwise quiet corridor, his hands still on your waist, yours still on his open shirt as you try to wrap your mind around what just happened.

“Did you mean something like that?” comes out his gruff, deep voice that sends a shiver down your spine.

His question brings you back to the earlier conversation about a perfect kiss and you can’t control your breathing any more than your beating heart.

You nod quickly, eyes still on his lips. “Yes,” is your breathless answer.

Jimin’s still breathing heavily as his eyes land once again on your lips.

“Good.”

And then he’s kissing you again.

And, fuck, you can’t get enough.

Your palms land on his neck as you stand on your toes to reach him better and his hands wrap around your waist to keep you in place.

Fuck, you’re kissing him. You’re kissing him and he’s kissing you back. As if he’s a man starved of your kiss and he needs anything you can give him.

But then he stops again and you almost groan out loud.

“You need to stop doing that…” you exhale with an affected chuckle and he chuckles as well.

“I just… I need to talk to you before anything else happens….” he whispers and even though you know he wouldn’t do anything to hurt you, you can’t help but feel a pang of fear in your chest.

“I…” he says, eyes dazedly looking at your face before he takes an encouraging breath.

“I want you to know that this isn’t like last time. It’s more, it means more, I-” he stops once more, voice trembling as he refuses to look anywhere else but you.

His words give you hope but for the first time in weeks, you welcome that hope. You welcome that glorious feeling to settle deep in your chest because you recognize that warm glint deep in his eyes.

“I’m in love with you,” he reveals and you swear your heart will burst. There’s moisture in your eyes but you will it to go away.

“You are…?” you ask with a small voice and Jimin smiles at you, all happiness and comfort. There’s a fuzzy feeling in the middle of your chest and at this moment nothing makes any more sense than you two.

“Yes. And I spent the past year trying to run from it…” he admits carefully as he slightly crouches down to meet your eyes.

“I’m not running anymore…” he concludes, a spark in his eyes and you’ve never seen him more sure for anything in his life.

There’s a whirlwind of emotions in you. Relief, hope, undeniable joy. It makes your throat close and for a few seconds, you can’t answer him. You only stare back and hope he understands like so many times before.

“I-” you manage to choke out with a weak voice but he’s quick to shush you, before kissing the inside of your palm.

“I know…” he responds softly, still holding onto your palm as his eyes find yours. You can’t look away, couldn’t if you wanted to.

And then you can’t stop smiling, and he’s smiling back and before you know it you’re kissing again.

Happiness rolls like a current between, from all the places your bodies touch, you can’t contain it so you keep on kissing fervidly, hands touching whenever they can, mouths moving in tandem like it’s natural. Like it’s the way it’s supposed to be.

“God, I have so much I want to tell you…” he whispers against your lips before he’s diving back in, tongue reaching out to meet yours.

“Me too…” you reply after a few seconds, pushing him closer as your fingers tangle in his hair. “But not now…” you whisper sternly, pushing your chest against him, needing to feel more of him.

He curses under his breath, the sound sinful, licking his lips before he’s kissing you again and his hands fall lower down your back to rest over the swell of your ass.

You moan in appreciation when his hands grab at the tender flesh, making you arch out so he has better leverage. There’s a throbbing between your legs and you resist grinding on him just yet, to drag it out as long as you can.

Jimin’s lips move down the column of your throat as his body cages you against the wall, hands keeping your hips still as he wedges one leg between yours, so his thigh can press upright against your mound.

You moan again when he leaves a particularly deep hickey on your skin and your hips instinctively roll against his thigh, your hands holding on to his back afraid you might fall.

He chuckles darkly against your skin. “Still into thighs I see…” he mumbles before biting softly at your earlobe, a shiver running down your spine.

You bite your lip before, “Correction, still into your thighs…” you admit as you roll your hips slowly on top of his thigh, starting to feel that delicious warmth building up in your stomach, making you feel dizzy.

Jimin almost bucks into you with a low moan, as his hands are certain to leave marks on your hips as he struggles to remain sane.

“Fuck… Although I’m really tempted to just fuck you here, we should probably move…” he murmurs between kisses to your collarbone and you have half a sane mind to agree. The other half is already picturing him doing it either way.

But before you get to move, his arms are quicker, lunging under your thighs and you instinctively wrap them around his waist with a surprised yelp. His palms are resting right on top of your ass, subconsciously pushing you closer, making your insides burn in anticipation.

There’s a smirk on his lips as he licks them, eyes roaming your face to make sure you don’t have second doubts. Although your eyes are glued to the movement of his wet tongue.

When he realises this, he’s quick to move towards his room as you choose now as the perfect moment to lick and suck bruises on his neck, not able to deny yourself any longer.

“Shit… Y/N, if you keep this up I’m gonna drop you…” he mumbles with a stern but clearly-affected voice and you smile in victory before softly biting at his skin, savouring his taste on your tongue.

He kicks his door open before he carefully lays you on his bed, lips immediately after your own as you reach for his neck to desperately press more of him against you.

Your palms move down his chest, grabbing the edges of his flannel to push it off his shoulders, leaving him in his T-shirt and jeans.

“Why are you wearing so many clothes…?” you ask breathlessly, immediately reconnecting your lips like a woman starved and Jimin chuckles, grabbing the hem of your T-shirt instead and pushing it upwards. You sigh in relief as soon as your heated skin is free, yearning to feel more of his skin against yours.

“Just trying to keep myself warm,” he comments rushedly as he discards the piece of clothing somewhere behind him and his eyes fall to your covered breasts. He curses, lowering his face to kiss down your collarbones until his lips reach the bare top of your tits. His mouth leaves a wet trail behind that’s making you gasp as your thighs rub together to gain some relief.

Jimin notices and chuckles darkly before biting your bottom lip. “You want any help there?” he teases and you groan out loud with a pout.

“Yes, but please take your clothes off a little bit faster. It’s making my dick soft,” you whine, bucking your hips towards him.

He pins them down between his own legs, forcing them to stay still. His fingers toy with the waistband of your leggings as your breaths turn heavier while only looking at his eyes.

“Aw, so I won’t have my ass rawed by your dick? Such a shame baby…” he teases once more with a sinful smirk and the last word has your eyes rolling back into your head.

“Fuck, say that again…” you murmur, arching your chest upwards as you feel moisture gather between your legs, just by the single mention of a nickname.

Jimin laughs out loud as he moves to get your leggings off and you’re quick to aid him. “Is this really what turns you on?” he comments playfully as he leans in, lips kissing the underside of your jaw.

“No, I meant…” you stop, suddenly self-conscious, “... the other part…” you mumble quietly, turning your face to the side, knowing a deep red has taken over your cheeks. It’s not simply about the nickname or the tenderness in his voice as he said it. It’s about what it represents, what you already heard from his lips but you simply can’t have enough of. It makes everything real.

Jimin regards you for a second before, “What? Baby?” he asks, rather innocently and yet you still can’t look at him, too embarrassed as you nod.

Jimin’s eyes turn softer as he bites his lip to contain his smile. Fuck, he’s so in love.

He moves to press a tender kiss to your jaw. “Baby,” he repeats slowly, before resting his lips on your collarbones and you sigh in content. “Baby…” he says again, leaving a kiss in the valley between your breasts, making your breath hitch. “Baby…” he moves lower, dragging his plump lips down your torso as your breaths quicken, the sound of the nickname having your heart making somersaults.

“Baby…” he whispers lowly one last time, the tone completely different, darker, more promising. His eyes rest on you as his face now lays above your panties. Then his hands are hooking behind the waistband, dragging the material down your legs and he bites his lips at the sight of your glistening folds.

“God, I wanna taste you so bad…” he says almost to himself and before you get to react, he hooks your legs on top of his shoulders and his tongue lands with kittenish licks on your clit.

An involuntary groan escapes you, bucking your hips into his mouth for more. And yet he maintains his pace, sending waves of pleasure up your body but never enough to get you where you want to. You can’t help the movement of your hips as you crave for more friction, his movements delicious but never enough. Jimin pins your hips down, tsking you before he presses a kiss at the junction between your thigh and cunt.

“You’ll get what you want, baby, all in due time…” he says sternly, his voice low, sending shivers down your spine as his mouth returns to your clit, and you bite your lip to drown your moan.

Though now, he leaves aside the kittenish lick to wrap his mouth around the swollen nub and suck it between his lips.

A loud moan breaks free from your lips, heavy pants resonating as his plush lips envelop your clit, finally giving you more, moving expertly against your folds and your hands find purchase on Jimin’s locks to press him more against you.

He lets you do as you please while one of his hands travels up your torso, pushing your bra’s cups down to toy with one of your nipples.

The added pleasure has you cry his name in ecstasy, losing all control of your hips as they move against Jimin’s face, as if they have a mind of their own, chasing after your high like a madwoman.

And as one hand tugs at your erect nipples, the other finds this chance to move down your body and trace around your entrance, making your pussy clench in anticipation. Before finally pushing two digits inside your velvety walls.

“Jimin!” you almost sob, your hips furiously chasing after your high as you feel the warmth building up more and more inside your stomach. 

His fingers keep thrusting inside you, slowly at first to let you get used to the intrusion, before he picks up the pace, moving them quickly, roughly inside you. Knuckles deep as his fingertips find that little soft spot inside your walls that has your eyes roll to the back of your head.

And when you open your eyes and see Jimin staring you back with darkness and lust in his own from between your legs, the band snaps.

You come with a loud moan, riding your orgasm against Jimin’s tongue, as the pleasure seems too much, too intense. But then the feeling starts to fade away and Jimin lets you relax as he leaves butterfly kisses against your thighs.

You try to catch your breath as Jimin’s kisses move upwards, up your stomach, to your breasts until he’s kissing you again. Your hands move to wrap around his neck, never having quite enough of him.

“This is not fair, you know…” you chastise him playfully, kissing his underjaw when a quiet moan rolls from his tongue.

“What’s not fair?” he asks, trying to keep up with the conversation but judging by the way his hip rut against you, you know he’s struggling.

“The fact I’m completely naked while you still have your clothes on…” you observe with a cock of your eyebrow and a smirk grazes his lips as his finger tugs at the elastic of your bra and lets it snap against your skin.

“Ah but you’re not completely naked…” he teases against your lips as his fingers move down your body in a sensual caress.

But being you, you take that as a challenge. So you push him slightly away just so you can move your hands behind your back and unclasp your bra with one movement.

Jimin’s eyes go wide as you flick the undergarment across the room, swallowing heavily before his eyes return to your bare chest.

“Now I am…” is your witty retort as you subtly arch your back just so he can have a better view. He stands there staring at you for a few seconds before he curses and moves quickly to get rid of his clothes.

You giggle at his impatience when he ends up stuck in his T-shirt, sporting an adorable pout. “Easy, baby, I’m not going anywhere…” you joke, sitting up to help him take off his t-shirt with a soft smile, one he reciprocates as he moves to unbuckle his pants.

“Well, it wasn’t me getting too impatient to- Wait…” he stops mid-sentence after taking his pants off. A spark of realization has entered his eyes before he turns to you to meet you with a teasing smile.

“Did you just call me baby?”

Your eyes widen in shock as a blush creeps into your cheeks and with a scoff you lightly shove him for daring to make fun of you.

“Y-you said it first, genius!” you try to justify yourself with a frown, but Jimin’s smirk only grows as he pushes aside his pants and crawls towards you.

“Yeah, but I’m not the one that spent more than half her life refusing to call her partners that because it’s cheesy…” he comments playfully as he traps you beneath his body once more.

“Even if the rule never applied to her…” he smiles teasingly at you, brushing his lips softly against your pout, reminding you that even if you never called your partners “baby”, you never stopped them from calling you that.

You purse your lips together as you look at your fidgeting hands, too embarrassed to look him in the eye. “Well…” you begin, swallowing the lump in your throat, “...you’re different…” you mumble quietly, not really ready to look at him even if you know he feels the same.

That has him halting, and as he sees you too uncomfortable to go on, he doesn’t say anything else. He presses a soft kiss to your knee instead, wishing to convey everything he feels as well through that small kiss.

The movement of his lips on your skin is so tender that has your heart flutter and, while he looks back at you, his smile puts your embarrassment to rest. Because he’s here for you because he feels the same.

“I know it comes a little late but… Can I kiss you?” he asks softly, eyes stuck on your face, tracing your features as if he hasn’t really seen you before, not until now.

The question has your heartbeat quicken even though it’s completely unnecessary. Though your lips stretch out in a smile as you nod.

Jimin leans closer, eyes on your lips as if he’s under some spell. You suppose it’s the same you’re under.

You let his lips envelop yours gently, hands tangling in his hair as you both find yourselves moving back until you’re lying down with Jimin on top of you.

Your hands are greedy to explore his body, even though you’ve done so before. Though that time you’re main motive was to get off, so now gives you the perfect opportunity to get reacquainted with his body, to map out every little detail to memory, until he’s the only thing you see.

His lips move lower to kiss and bite at the column of your throat, eliciting the sweetest moan from your lips that sound like music to Jimin’s ears.

Your breaths get quicker, hands moving recklessly to get rid of the remaining piece of fabric that separates you. Jimin rushes to help you, throwing away his boxers, now standing in his complete naked glory.

There’s nothing else to say, not really when a single look can convey everything you feel without unnecessary words. And the way Jimin looks at you right now makes you feel like you’re in heaven. Like you’re cared for, safe and content right here in his arms.

His hand brushes a lock behind your ear and the motion is so tender, loving, it makes your heart skip a beat.

“Are you ready?” he whispers softly, eyes gentle, ready to back off if you say so, reminding you of yet another reason you’re so helplessly in love with him.

You simply nod, too afraid to talk but your smile is all it takes for Jimin to go forward.

He grabs the base of his shaft, eyes glued at that spot between your legs with anticipation. He moves forward, guiding his tip through your folds, going slowly in case it’s painful but the look of pure bliss on your face and the way your walls welcome his cock has him losing control and going the rest of the way in with a deep thrust.

Your nails claw into the skin of his back with a loud cry while Jimin breathes deeply against the skin of your neck, making goosebumps rise on your skin.

“Fuck, I-...” he exhales, lost in the feeling of your pussy wrapping around him like a grip. “... You okay?” he says breathless, eyes searching yours for anything that’s not okay.

A breathless chuckle escapes you as you press your lips on his jawline. “More than okay. But please move.”

“Oh, thank god….” he mumbles before pulling out and thrusting in again. His movements are slow, yet the perfect pace to help you build up slowly but surely towards a second high.

Jimin rolls his hips with the expertise only a dancer could possess, driving his cock deeper and deeper with each roll, hitting that spot again and you can’t help but close your eyes to savour this feeling.

Shallow breaths leave you as his pubic bone brushes against your clit with each motion, driving you crazy.

“Ugh, you feel… mm’ so good…” he mumbles between thrusts, letting his lips land on your breasts, to suck lovebites on your skin.

“Jimin, fuck…!” you cry out, high-pitched moans escaping you as your hands go to his ass, coaxing him to drive his cock even deeper.

He growls from above your chest before you feel his palm cupping your cheek. “Open your eyes for me, love…” he mumbles quietly and you have no choice but to comply.

Opening your eyes, you’re met with Jimin’s piercing ones, staring at you intensely, burning with unspoken feelings that are too easy to recognize. After all, you feel them too.

You move to the side to kiss the inside of his palm before you smile at him.

He smiles back fondly at you before his hands move to lace his fingers with yours at each side.

“Keep your eyes on me, love…” he whispers before moving again.

This time around, his pace is slightly quicker, his cock hitting your sweet spot with renewed vigour and yet you can only concentrate on his eyes. His eyes that stare at you with such fondness and love it makes your eyes water.

You see the frown on his face before he stops moving in concern, yet you push your heels on his ass to keep him going.

“No, it’s okay, I’m okay, keep going…” you say, almost choking with the emotions overwhelming you. “It’s just that… I can’t believe I’m so lucky…” you admit softly, an unbelievable chuckle escaping you as you stare at him with what you hope he sees as undeniable adoration.

He smiles at you again, -you think you’ll never get tired of that smile-, before he leans in to kiss away the stray tear that flowed free from your eyes.

He picks up the pace once more, resting his forehead on top of yours, as shallow moans roll off your tongue. Your high keeps approaching, you can feel it and still you’re only focused on his eyes. Soft grunts escape him as he drives his hips into you, getting closer to his high as well, his hands grasping yours as if they’re a lifeboat.

He brushes his lips gently against yours before “I love you…” he mutters against you and you think your heart is gonna burst.

You press another kiss on his lips before, “I love you too.”

And then you don’t say anything else as your high approaches and after a few more thrusts you both come entangled in one another, each other’s names on your lips.

You lay like this for a few moments, with Jimin’s body on top of yours as both of you struggle to catch your breaths. Then your eyes find each other again and everything seems so clear, so right.

You can’t stop smiling at each other like lovesick fools as you fall asleep next to each other, at last content.

.

.

When Jimin wakes up the next morning he thinks it was all a dream.

But as his eyes rest on your peaceful sleeping form he knows he could never dream something as perfect as this.

He can’t help the lovesick smile taking over his lips as he looks at you through sleep-ridden eyes. He shuffles closer, resting his face on his hands to get a better look while you sleep soundly next to him. He feels like he can never get enough of you. Not now, not ever.

Suddenly your body begins moving though your eyes remain closed and Jimin figures you’re still asleep.

“Stop being creepy…” you mumble with a sleepy smile and Jimin grins too, realising he was wrong.

“I’m not being creepy…” he argues softly, still smiling. You pop open one eye to look at him unimpressed before you yawn and open both your eyelids.

“Oh, yeah, ‘cause it’s super romantic staring at me while I’m asleep, where can I find another man like that…” you tease him with a drowsy smile as your eyes find his.

He groans dramatically though his smile still remains. “You’re unbelievable…” he mumbles, his voice still gruff from sleep and you have to suppress a shiver before shuffling closer.

“I know but you love me…” you mumble against him before kissing his lips slowly. He lets himself get lost on the kiss before you lean back and he licks his lips to savour your taste.

“And now you can’t take it back!” you exclaim out loud before smiling mischievously at him.

Another groan breaks free from his lips. “Already regretting it…” he comments, checking your reaction from the corner of his eyes.

You gasp as if offended by his quip. “Well, maybe then I’ll just leave so you won’t regret it anymore!” you respond, gathering his sheet on your chest as you make a move to leave his bed.

But Jimin is faster, grabbing you by the waist and throwing you back on the bed, crawling on top of you with a predatory smile.

“Now, now, let’s not result in desperate measures…” he dives in for another kiss.

You can’t help but smile again as you kiss him, hands circling around his neck as he softly bites your bottom lip.

“Careful sir. You might trigger something dangerous here…” you whisper seductively, moving one leg so your thigh can rub against his already half-hard member.

Jimin’s smirk only grows. “Mmm, maybe I like danger…” he responds before his lips envelop yours once more. His hands travel beneath the sheet, tracing your skin before they move lower and-.

A loud bang echoes through the apartment, surprising both of you before a booming voice is heard through the walls, one that belongs to none other than Hoseok himself.

“Have you fucked yet or nah?!”

Your eyes widen, face immediately growing red. Jimin looks at you with an apologetic smile and before you get to ask why Hoseok is asking that, said man bursts into the room.

There’s a sudden explosion of sounds, you screaming as you hide beneath Jimin, Jimin cursing at Hoseok as he pulls the sheet to cover you both and Hoseok whistling at the image before him.

“Woah! You finally did it buds, I’m so happy for you!” he cheers you on as he steps inside to fist bump a very angry looking Jimin and a very visibly confused you.

“Hoseok, excuse my french, but what the fuck are you doing here?” Jimin is positively seething with his friends' interruption but as you see Hoseok basically beaming at the both of you, you can’t help but giggle at the absurd situation.

“I came to see if my buddies finally worked it out! And you did, finally! Can you imagine if you hadn’t and I’d burst through the door screaming that? That’d be awkwaaaaaaard!” he comments, too cheerful to notice Jimin’s deadly stare and you bite your lip to stop yourself from laughing.

“Right. That would’ve been awkward…” Jimin comments sarcastically though Hoseok still seems oblivious as he sits on top of the bed with a happy smile hanging from his lips.

You’re about to burst into giggles as you watch Jimin’s eyes growing wider in disbelief and you’re certain he’s gonna kill Hoseok any minute now.

“I’m so happy for you guys! My besties are finally dating!” he comments full of joy and Jimin is about to have smoke pouring out of his ears.

“Hobi, we’re happy too but I think it’d be better for you if you left…” you comment with a smile, pointing with your head at Jimin who’s about to lose it any second.

Hoseok’s eyes widen finally in realization. “Oh, whoops! Right, right, I’m leaving, keep going, stallion, show her how it’s done!” Hoseok throws finger guns at Jimin as he leaves the room and closes the door behind him.

As soon as Hoseok is out of earshot and you turn to look at Jimin you can’t help but burst into giggles by how absolutely mad he looks.

Though when you start laughing, Jimin’s incredulous stare turns to you. “Why are you even laughing?!”

Even though his ominous stare is directed at you, you can’t stop laughing. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, it’s just too funny!” you say breathlessly through your giggles.

“Too funny?!” he asks incredulously before his gaze turns dark. His eyes have your laughter dying in your throat and instead another feeling rising up at the pit of your stomach.

“I’ll show you funny…” he whispers sinfully before he lunges forward and you forget what you were laughing at for the rest of the day.

There are more important matters to tend to.

[aggressivelyclueless]

📘👀👀👀 gimme those fic deets!

ok ok here's one that i have not written down yet bc i Cannot on my life write crackfic and if i ever do this one it's gotta be done right. but it lives rent free in my brain so here goes:

haunted house at the edge of town only it's run like the mystery shack. and it's not doing so great. [not-stan-pines] is getting a little bit desperate, asks the ghosthunters in town (the fentons) if they can help him, and what he gets is danny, hired on the cheap to backseat haunt for a weekend. note: not-stan does not *actually* believe in ghosts. he thinks the fentons are cons like him.

unfortunate tour group includes:

-Disgruntled Family Of Four: The Dad, who shelled out to see the ghost and they had better see the ghost, dammit; The Mom, a basic karen; The Son, who is a shitty lil snot that won't keep his hands off anything; The Daughter, who wants a selfie with the ghost for insta clout

-Real Psychic, whose job is to actually appease restless dead

-Fake Psychic, whose job is to sell the idea that hes appeasing restless dead (longstanding rivalry with Real Psychic)

-Paranormal Investigator, Professional (every ghosthunter tv show ever)

-Paranormal Investigator, Amateur (wes) [an avid (read: annoying) fanboy of Professional]

-Skeptic, doing another article for aliens-ghosts-and-bigfoot-aren't-real magazine

-Not-Stan's Ex-Wife, Along With New Pretty Bf, and they are both doing very well and definitely only came to show off how well they were doing. nothing to do with ghosts; they serve only to ruffle not-stan's feathers

and, hiding in the cellar because he doesn't want to deal with any of this Stupid Bull Shit, is the actual ghost of the guy who died like a century ago. please leave this poor man's house alone he just wants to go to bed :(

so basically take all this and put it in a jar and shake it a few times. resulting shenanigans include, but are not limited to:

-not-stan gets ahold of danny's thermos, slaps a pricetag on it and chucks it into the giftshop

-subsequently, wes actually buys it and immediately sucks danny up with it

-a seance that goes horribly wrong for a wide variety of reasons, not the least of which is the contant bickering between Real/Fake Psychic

-danny is a bit overmounted on this one and has to bail partway through to get backup; might or might not get ahold of sam and tuck and convince them to hold the fort for him in the meantime

-said backup might be vlad, because he is the Most Dramatic Bitch danny knows. yes danny will owe him a favor afterwards. yes he knows thats a bad spot to be in

-danny meets Cellar Ghost, is appalled that the guy cant get a nap in his own house; also very insulted that not-stan doesnt believe in ghosts when there is a real one (!!) in his literal basement, and hes been there the whole time. wtf

-makes a deal with The Daughter at some point: he'll let her get that selfie with him if she helps him out with a thing

-she immediately posts it to her insta and wes sees it and it drives him batshit

-also, if u think these people are staying together as a group at any point throughout this whole mess, you are wrong. theyre not.

-at least one scooby doo chase scene. just because.

-ghost therapy w/ Real Psychic and Cellar Ghost, tragically interrupted before she can lay the poor fella to rest

-but at least that puts the two of them, plus danny, on the same side, whatever side that even is

anyways. i think about this one a lot. as soon as im capable of writing smth without tipping the angst bucket on it, it'll be all over for u fools

[tossawary]

The game is over! The jig is up! MXTX Remix 2021 creators have been revealed! If you guessed right, congratulations, you found me! If you made a guess at all, thank you for playing and thank you so much for the cool new fic recs! Here are the details for sticker requests: 

TL;DR: The detailed info is mostly to help curb any anxiety. The summary of it is: “Send me an ask with 1-2 characters, a pose or concept, and let me know whether or not you want to remain anonymous.”

1) Send me an ask with the following information: 

Note: Your ask can’t be anonymous because I have to know who is sending it. 

- PLEASE INCLUDE: The character or relationship/pairing of your choice (so: two character limit) I’ve only read SVSSS and MDZS, but I will tentatively allow TGCF characters on the condition that you send me decent reference of the characters. 

- Optional: Reference for a specific preferred design of that character, which you can either include in the ask (if you know how to include images in asks) or link to me through Tumblr messenger. I will not copy anyone else’s fan design of that character or copy someone else’s art that reminds you of a character, but other people’s art can serve as a “I generally imagine this character as looking like this” inspiration reference. 

If it’s an easily accessible design, like, “Untamed Wei Wuxian” or “Donghua Liu Qingge”, you don’t have to send me a photo or a link to photo reference. If it’s just something like, “Luo Binghe, but with ram’s horns” or “Luo Binghe, but with SUPER curly hair, just SUPER curly”, then you can also just say it like that and don’t have to send me reference. 

Note: NOT optional for TGCF characters. TGCF characters need reference. 

- Optional: A concept for the sticker, suggesting a pose or an AU, like, “Sha Hualing in the Sailor Moon pose” or “Liu Mingyan in an Alphonse Mucha pose” or “Mobei-Jun holding Shang Qinghua transformed into a hamster” or “Lan Wangji with A-Yuan on his hip” or “Jin Guangyao Valentine’s Day Card”. 

If you don’t have any ideas for a pose or an AU, you can just say something like: “Character: Jiang Cheng. Pose: Surprise me.” 

- PLEASE INCLUDE: Whether you want me to @ you (or to just name you) when your request is fulfilled or if you’d prefer to remain anonymous. If you would prefer to remain anonymous, you can just finish off the ask with: “I’d like this to be an anonymous request, please!” 

When the sticker design is finished and posted to my Tumblr, I will reply privately to your ask to let you know that the request has been fulfilled. 

2) Limits on requests: 

- No sexual or suggestive poses. Affectionate poses like hugging or kissing or sleeping together are fine. Casual/non-sexual upper body nudity is fine (male or female or other, I just may have to blur it for Tumblr and send you the original privately), such as along the lines of outfit swaps and so on. I’m not drawing porn and I’m just personally not in the headspace for pin-up poses right now, so please lean it towards Safe For Work. 

- No graphic violence and no gore. I’m not making any Original Shen Qingqiu Human Stick stickers or anything, sorry. Undead characters like Wen Ning are fine. A request for “Fierce Corpse Wen Qing” would be fine. 

- No underage pairings. No incest. No assault/non-con requests like “This pairing kissing, but Character A is visibly not into it”. And so on and so forth. Let’s keep this more lighthearted, please, for my sake. 

- Animals are fine. A request for “Tianlang-Jun napping on Zhuzhi-Lang in snake form” or “Nie Huaisang and a songbird” would be fine. 

- Animalsonas, anthropomorphic animals, and “furry” stuff along those lines is also fine, so “Aggretsuko-style Shen Qingqiu” would be fine and “Mobei-Jun with polar bear features” would be fine. 

In the unlikely event that I cannot fulfill your particular request (it crosses a personal line that hadn’t occurred to me and that you couldn’t have foreseen), or if you send me a request that doesn’t respect these limits, I’ll just contact you and ask you to make another request. 

3) Other Stuff: 

- People have my permission to print off these sticker designs for themselves and their friends to stick on laptops or notebooks or the like, or to turn the sticker into a personal icon (with credit) or similar types of personal use. You do not have my permission to sell these sticker designs or to profit off them in any fashion. The drawings remain mine and the characters, of course, belong to neither of us. Just getting that out of the way. 

- When making the request, you understand that I get to the sticker request when I get to the sticker request. I have a limited number of hours in my day. I don’t foresee fulfilling these requests taking very long, but I’m not going to rush them all out as priority number one in my life. 

- I had such an excellent time with the MXTX Remix and with this guessing game, so I am leaning towards allowing all participants to make sticker requests at a later date, perhaps in a month or two months or so, when I will be hopefully less busy than I am now. For now, however, please only make a sticker request of me if you guessed correctly! 

Thank you! 

[thelasttime]

yeah exactly @ taking naps together because i think the "dont get too comfortable" is like "the more you get attached the more it will hurt if/when it ends" but like!! everything ends!! nothing lasts forever (ay oh wildest dreams reference)!! we cannot place worth in a relationship based on its longevity,, forever IS the sweetest con!! it will end in some or the other way, some or the other time, and the best thing you can and should do is enjoy it the most you can while it lasts, and that usually entails throwing yourself into it headfirst and getting attached. and that’s okay and beautiful and so wonderfully human! just yeah,, a life spent without hurt would be a life spent without love <3

this was so wonderfully said, i don't know what else to add!! i think "don't get too comfortable" can also be warning for someone to not get too comfortable and stop showing affection like it was in the beginning of the relationship, but everything else rings true

[cornerstonc]

Pros and Cons of Sharing a Bed with this Muse

Name: natori

Species: CatTM

Sleep Habits: he’s a senior cat, chances are if you don’t see him around, he’s probably curled up sleeping Somewhere. all that said, outside of the post-canon verse, i don’t think he’s often Allowed to sleep uninterrupted very often (which is why he so often naps in hiding spots)

Pros of sharing a bed: (List as many as you want)

-) cat-sized cat! won’t take up much room ideally

-) basically operates kind of like a tiny natural heater, particularly when curled under a blanket

-) very quiet sleeper (...except for what’s listed below in the cons). but hey at least he doesn’t snore

-) also tends to be relatively peaceful in company and surroundings he trusts. he won’t kick you in the spleen in his sleep and if he claims he did know that he is 100% lying, he absolutely was wide awake when he kicked you, it was very Purposeful, and he’s most likely not sorry

-) did you ever want to stay up all night just staring at someone else sleep bc they’re so gd cute? now u can bc he’s a cat and that means he’s fluffy and cute and sleeps with his nose all tucked under his poofy tail

on second thought this one may be a con

Cons of Sharing a bed: (List as many as you want)

-) almost always talks in his sleep

-) has an annoyingly strong sleep startle reflex combined with being a markedly light sleeper. you might get bitten, scratched, or just slapped if you accidentally wake him abruptly

-) less cuddly than one might expect upon looking at him. if you are not a fellow cat, and a familiar one at that, he will not be altogether eager to sleep very closely to you, much less in a position that involves him being held close to you (...tho being the infinitely Tolerant creature he is, he will resign himself to it with just a little show of aggravated tail thrashing should you be extra insistent)

-) chances are very good if he gets to the bed long before you, he will definitely be snoozing right smack dab in the middle of the bed like the cat he is, and you will have to either roll him off to the side and risk being Attacked when he snaps awake in a panic, or just. be like that one anime gif and content yourself with a scrap of the blanket and the very edge of the bed

-) ............i wanted this to be Symmetrical but honestly i can’t think of another con rip

Random Sleeping Information: (List as many as you want)

-) idk if cats show the same kinda signs of dreaming as dogs do, but i’ll admit the idea of him twitching in his sleep bc he’s dreaming has me :hand to chest: baby... at him

-) despite his lbr meticulous and fastidious disposition, he can definitely fall asleep Anywhere. the hiding spots he chooses for his naps are sometimes patently bizarre (which makes natoru continually finding him anyway particularly puzzling to him)

-) he likes to be tall kind of related to that, enjoys the feeling of sleeping in lofty areas, tho he probably couldn’t articulate why exactly

-) as a younger cat he experienced hardly any grogginess upon waking up, and while he’s still relatively alert even now, he’s definitely noticed some instances of a lingering sleepy haze

-) easily chilled. bc of this, yes, he wears his clothes even while sleeping

-) despite the icon i used for this, i think he probably quite rarely sleeps on his back, and only in the company of others (provided he trusts them). generally he will stick with the ‘curled into a ball’ approach, but probably stretches out a little when he’s allowed to sleep undisturbed thinking emoji

-) manga!verse natori has vague, slightly incomprehensible memories of sleeping On a much larger animal, but he cannot for the life of him recall just what it was or Why

[currentfandomkick]

Marinette did not sign up for this pt 3

  Part 3 time. part 1 here part two here, ao3 link here     

             Cass had long since taken to eating at Yan Toh Heen when she was in Hong Kong, where head chef Cheng Wang served her favorite soup, Marinette Soup. Given that Cass often came at odd times and remained a regular whenever she was in town, she had come to know of Shifu Cheng’s inspiration, his niece’s daughter. A girl who reminded Cass of Bruce’s usual adoptees when she first saw her picture, and mentioned it was a good ting her father hadn’t begun adopting until the girl was already a toddler. Shifu Cheng had laughed at the time, and mentioned that Cass might be a good influence on her, if she could keep her father from trying to steal his great-niece away that is.

             Now Cass was looking at the girl’s picture a bit more critically, and with Bruce and his parents in mind, she wouldn’t be surprised if this Marinette—a young designer who had managed to have two major figures in the industry recognize her by 16 with an apparent knack for helping her local heroes—was Bruce’s daughter. Her eyes reminded Cass of Thomas Wayne’s from the portraits, and her smile was a lot like Bruce’s when he wasn’t hiding anything.

             With all this in mind, Cass was already on a plane to find the girl and test out her theory—to see if Marinette of the Dupain-Cheng Boulangerie was also Ladybug—Batman and Bruce Wayne’s daughter.

             She did smile when she saw the group chat for “Middle Kids Only—No D’s Allowed” exploded with Jason, Tim and Steph arguing over who would find her first and what the prize would be. It looked like Cass would win at this rate. She was fine with that—and having a no-questions asked favor from each of the three in the future would be the icing on the cake to meeting their new sister first.

---             

             Marinette has to explain to Adrien a bit of her blow up while they were civilians and out of sight in her room. Tikki and Plagg were napping.

             “So, you’re uh…” she couldn’t blame him for the lack of words. She tended to forget (re: ignore) the fact herself most of the time.

             “Yeah,” Marinette shrugged. “Maman and Papa got me in a closed adoption case, the mother was young.”

             “… I’m now picturing a young Batman and can’t wrap my brain around it.”

             Marinette snorted at that. “It was before Batman existed.”

             Adrien frowned at that, thinking it over as… “So did you ever…”

             Marinette shook her head. “My mother warned against it, the note she left for me said it was dangerous to even attempt contacting him.” She ran a hand through her hair as she remembered Maman and Papa letting her read the note not long after her Guardian training began. It was another life entirely. “She said he was an unfit father, and that she never wanted kids so I was better off not looking for them when I grew up. I never planned to—Maman and Papa were all I ever needed or wanted.”

             Adrien smiled at that, grabbing a cookie for himself. “So what happened?”

             Marinette winced. “I, I don’t want to talk about it. Long story short, a wild Murder Robin appeared and told me not to contact his family or else, and I promised to steer clear of affiliates so he wouldn’t try anything.”

             Adrien twitched at that. He knew Marinette and Alya made a few comments about it once upon a time but…

             “Is he the one dropping off the weapons and flower threats?”

             Marinette looked away, keeping her eyes low.

             Adrien tightened his fists. “I see. If he or that family get near you, they’ll have to take on Chat Noir first.”

             Marinette huffed at that. “They’re the normies that took down the world ending metas, I doubt there’s much we could do against them chatton.”

             Adrien shook his head and jabbed a thumb at his chest. “Black Cat wielder, destruction incarnate, and the idiot you share a soul with.” He gave her his Chat Noir smile. “There’s nothing I can’t take on.”

             Marinette snorted at that. “Chemistry.”

             Adrien’s face fell at that. “You cannot tell me chemical reactions are that easy!”

             Marinette smiled at him then. “I can and will say it—Chemistry is easier and superior to physics. Kitchen Chemistry is how we get food.”

             “And physics keeps us from floating off into space.”

             “Not studying it. Studying chemistry I get food, physcics is just a headache of formulas on formulas on formulas.”

             “But the theories!”

             With that, the pair fell into their familiar rhythm of banter for the rest for the night.

             Tim was crossing French designers in Paris aged 14-20 that own or work at a boutique, online or physical, and turned up a large number of candidates for who Ladybug/the missing Wayne could be.

             Babs rolled in on this particular search, and gave him a look. “You know the Justice League wants us to not to contact her, right?”

             Tim made a vague sound of acknowledgement.

             “And that Bruce probably didn’t have a kid at 15, right?”

             “Just covering my bases.”

             Babs looked over his search margins. “Did you check Damian’s search history?”

             Tim scowled at her. “Of course I did, he’s been doing more through wipes, I couldn’t get more than a few scarps of useless code.”

             Babs began to grin then. “So that means I do have a leg-up on you then.”

             He didn’t even want to know how she knew about the competition. But she wasn’t officially in it either (all of the placed their bets down negotiated rules (re: no asking for help from Damian) and agreed the only participants were the four of them). What did Barbra Gordon want out of this?

             Tim paused at that. “What.”

             Babs grinned at him. Tim remembered why Oracle is the queen of hackers everywhere—nothing is safe from her reach.

             “He was particularly taken with a few designers, and one of them happens to be in the range you’re looking for.”

             Tim scowled at her. “What do you want?”

             “You know that picture of me you took a few years back?”

             Tim blinked as that was what she wanted. His ‘Don’t tell The Family’ insurance.

             “Yes.”

             “I want your copies of burned, and any you may have floating around returned to me.”

             Tim weighed the pros and cons to this. The girl should be in his current data pool. And he does know to use Damian’s search again (tracking Bab’s hacks was child’s play now) but she probably deleted most—if not all of—her trail. Decisions, Decisions…

             He could just wait to meet the baby bat. But then he would owe Jason a no-questions asked favor if he found her first… and he didn’t want to know what Jason would use it for. Owing Cass a favor meant family nights with the worst board games or tea parties when he was elbow deep in a mission. A no question favor for Steph was always interesting and usually resulted in Bruce giving them both looks.

             Did he want to lose his leverage on Babs, or did he want to avoid the consequences of the bet more?

--

             Chat and Carapace exchanged a quick look when the pair arrived. A nod from Carapace as he trailed after their paling Ladybug was all Chat needed to begin operation Distract the Justice Leaguer Members.

             He and Rena Rouge were having the time of their lives. Both were genuine in their admiration of the pair and the work they had done. And they were both eager to learn from them—both as individuals and what their people knew of the Miraculous—something Chat and Rena knew there were large gaps in the history of still. And if they could help out Ladybug with gathering information and ensuring she was given space, well, the pair were down for it.

             Chat was asking a confused and mildly frightened Aquaman for combat tips in aquatic situations for future Syren-eqsue akumas.

             “So how do you keep an eye on attacks from all directions? Is it a ‘feel the water movements’ thing? Or is it just something you know how to do from growing up underwater? Could you teach me a few things on it—it’s a weak point that I need to work on.”

             Aquaman was quick to agree to help, eager to avoid angering the Black Cat and given Ladybug’s (apparently continued) evasion of Justice League Members, this may be the best way to both prevent the possible apocalypse and ensure Atlantis’ future safety.

             Wonder Woman was having an interesting conversation with Miss Sting about the uses for her spinning top and potential ways to work on her use of Venom while Rena asked about the Amazons and was there really an amazon who wielded the Ladybug miraculous? There were no confirmations from Ladybug and the Guardian was impossible to find to ask. Was there a Fox and did they have anything on the Miraculous’ history?

             Wonder Woman was quick to supply answers while scanning the area for Ladybug, and noted that the Turtle was missing too.

             “Is Ladybug well?”

             Rena and Miss Sting exchanged a look.

             Miss Sting stepped forward. “Ladybug just needs some space. She isn’t willing to risk breaking her promise since certain people do know where she lives.”

             Rena tensed at that, a scowl quick to her face as she remembered why Ladybug was absent. “She can’t talk to either of you until Murder Robin,”--Wonder Woman winced at the reminder of the current Robin’s past--“makes it clear he won’t keep threatening her if she does.”

             Chat caught enough of the conversation to join in. “Its also not good to stress her out, especially since its going to be open season soon.”

             Miss Sting sighed at the reminder. “Application and testing season.”

             Rena rubbed her forehead. “Don’t remind me. Last time Ladybug was so stressed over her workload that the cure was off for a week.”

             Wonder Woman and Aquaman exchanged a look.

             “Are you stating that stress on Ladybug alters how the Miraculous Cure works?” Aquaman asked cafefully, hoping it wasn’t the case.

             “Yeah,” Chat rubbed the back of his neck. “I figured it always did.”

             Wonder Woman shook her head, mind racing as, “No. Not during Mother’s time—it must be a side effect of something. May I speak to one of the Guardians?”

             Chat didn’t even have time to respond. Both adults noted the way his pupils shrunk and body tensed at the question. He knew something the others didn’t.

             “Uh, there’s only one, and the guy has been radio silent for months now,” Rena explained. “And not to be rude, but given the security breaches in the past, I don’t think it’s the best thing for our Guardian to be in contact, just in case.”

             “I see…”

             Aquaman was the quick to defuse the situation. “Perhaps one of your sisters could reach out to Ladybug? They are not affiliated with the League so that should lessen her stress.”

             Chat nodded along at that. Good. It was better to keep the Destroyer content.

             “I can see who Mother would like to send of the historians given the interest in past miraculous wielders,” Diana conceded. “Could you ask Ladybug if that is acceptable?”

             The teens grabbed their respective weapons and messaged Ladybug. A moment later the trio stated that Ladybug would agree to those terms.

             In the meantime, Chat, Rena and Miss Sting caught the adults up on the Hawkmoth situation and their limitations on investigation. Rena was particularly annoyed by the lack of progress as “Our best suspect was akumatized before Mayura showed up, so he can’t be Hawkmoth. But he lives in the target area, has the funds for a butterfly garden and the ability to keep it underground if LB’s theory about artificial sunlight to keep it secret is right.”

            “But we know he can’t be, so we should drop it and look for other suspects,” Chat added a bit nervously.

             Miss Sting nodded in agreement.

             Rena sighed. “I know, its just, too much adds up on him being Hawkmoth, but then again, that would mean he’d put his own kid in danger just to get the Miraculous. I mean, he’s bad and all but…” Rena shook her head. “LB is right about him making sense but it’s too obvious. I mean, who hides in plain sight, right?”

             Wonder Woman made a mental note to find out who this suspect was and maybe—MAYBE—let the bats do a deep search on this suspect if Rena would name them. He could very well be their villain, but she didn’t know enough on this investigation yet to make a call, nor did she have much knowledge on the Butterfly or Peacock miraculous. She only paid attention to the Ladybug and Black Cat legends—a soul spilt in two, destined to always find one another and willing to do whatever it took to protect the other from self-destructing once they grew close as allies.

--

             In Gotham Jason Todd is on a Mission. That mission happens to be meeting the Baby Bat before Timmers or the Waffle Queen herself beat him to it. Cass hadn’t responded to any of their texts, so he figured she was knee-deep in Black Bat and forfeited for once. He hoped.

             Either way, Red Hood would be tracking a certain Little Lady when he touched down in Paris once his plane took off, and take out whoever this “Hawkmoth” was. Magic terrorism is one thing. Targeting kids? Well, that puts you Hood’s list and high on his priorities real quick. Add threatening his family (estranged, feuding or 'well they're a Bat') to that? Gotham would live without him for a bit.

--

             Ladybug is currently holed up with Carapace in one of their hide-y holes on patrol. She has borrowed (re: snagged and is not returning any time soon) Carapace’s headphones. The music helps her breath. No immediate danger, she didn’t (further) break the rules of engagement, and she didn’t see any sign of Murder Robin in Paris from news reports.

             “So, uh, Murder Robin?”

             Ladybug wanted to groan. She knew this conversation was coming. “Can you send the others the cliff notes?”

             She did not want to do this with each one of them. there are a lot of miraculous users. Besides Chat and Carapace, there was Rena, Miss Sting, Pegasus, Ryuuko, King Monkey, Viperion, and Bunnix. She did not want to have this conversation seven more times.

             “Sure thing Ladybug.”

             Ladybug took a deep breath.

             “Remember Incinerater and Goo-Boy?”

             Carapace paused, face a bit slack as he nodded his head. “The first time Mr. Bug appeared, and the day Rena, Sting and me got our miraculous.”

             Ladybug nodded. “Well, it lasted so long because my transformation timed out. I couldn’t figure out what my lucky charm meant—I didn’t know what the kwami box looked like, and a bigger version of the jewelry box I got Tikki in meant nothing to me.” Ladybug sighed, as once again, she realized how much easier it would have been if Fu contacted her and Chat Noir after the first attack, or even during one on their built-in communicators. Just. Something.

             “So you timed out.”

             Ladybug nodded. “And I got caught in the building that went down.”

             Carapace froze. “Most people were still injured.”

             Ladybug winced. “I was. Still. Chat somehow knew to look for my civilian identity and found out I was Ladybug. I thought…” Marinette shook her head, pushing old fears of losing Tikki away. She’s the Guardian now. Tikki and her are together as long as Marinette remains so. “Nevermind. The point is, even after he cast the cure and helped me get home, Goo-boy showed up and Mr. Bug was needed again.”

             Carapace put the pieces together. “You were still hurt. And he left you alone.”

             Ladybug ran a hand through her pigtails. “He had to. I told him to, I figured I could make it the rest of the way.”

             Carapace frowned at that. “LB…” He put a hand on her shoulder. “What happened?”

             Ladybug swallowed a lump. “Tiny Murder Robin.” She stiffened a bit, fiddling with her yoyo then. “He uh, grabbed me, pulled me into a car and held me a sword-point. Not gun point, sword point.” Marinette bleed through then. “Who does that? What kid goes around and says they’ll kill you with a sword at your neck?”

             Carapace rubbed her back, keeping her grounded. “I managed to get him to leave since I was ‘unworthy of the Bat legacy’ and all, discarded and useless.” Marinette shook her head, reminding herself she’s moved past those feelings, the one that tried to well up in her moments. She was bigger than those thoughts. “He let me go since I wasn’t worth the effort if I didn’t know I was Batman’s daughter.” Marinette kept her eyes on her lap, a nervous hands running through one pigtail vigorously. “I kind of sicced him on the current Robin to save my skin.”

             Carapace pulled her in for a hug. She clung back a bit. she didn’t have to look at him as he explained the deal. “I promised to not contact Batman or the JL and he agreed to leave me alone. And he did.”

             Carapace pulled back. “That’s not all of it, is it?”

             “He uh, started leaving flowers and some weapon for winter holidays, Easter and my birthday in my room….”

             Carapace paled at that. “He’s threatening you.”

             “y, yeah…”

             “So that’s why….”

             Ladybug nodded.

             Carapace hugged her tight. “One sec, I’ll text the team. Then we’re doing that plan of action you made the rest of us do for when we can’t show up.”

             Ladybug nodded.

             She noticed a text from the others, asking if she’d be willing to talk to an Amazonian historian on the history of the Miraculous and learn from her. That… wouldn’t violate the terms of the agreement, in spirit or wording. She sent her agreement on the terms that none of the sent historians were Wonder Woman or the Queen herself. As cool as meeting Hippolyta would be, Marinette does not want to risk the violation in spirit (family members probably counted to Murder Robin.)

             “Done.”

             Ladybug blinked as Carapace turned to her.

             “Now what can we do to help?”

             Ladybug opened and closed her mouth, running over her options. “Just keep non-miraculous heroes from contacting me, especially in battle. I just...” Ladybug struggled for words. “He knows where I live. My family.”

             Carapace nodded, keeping a steady hand on her shoulder. “Can’t risk it, I got you—we got you.”

             After a moment of silence, Carapace spoke. “Keep the team on speeddial—if you don’t want everyone on, then at least me, Pegasus and Rena. Rena can distract without getting hurt, I can protect all of us and Pegasus can send him and anyone he works with packing. Monkey probably would want in on this too—he is the Distraction King after all.”

             Ladybug laughed a little at that. It came out weak. “Sure. Chat, he’s…”

             “Busy.” Carapace shrugged. “We all know his dad has him running through hoops to make it to patrol half the time.”

             “Yeah…”

             (Marinette agreeing to intern with M. Agreste and work on her accessories brand under the Gabriel umbrella did give Adrien more lee-way than he had before, but not by much at first. Ever since her line of scarves based on the miraculous heroes took off last winter, he was given more free reign if it involved Marinette as a designer, not Marinette as his friend and classmate. Adrien was allowed at her house at all hours now without no questions asked on the basis of ‘Marinette’s muses have spoken’. As far as Gabriel was concerned, Adrien was learning more about the designing process and crafting of individual garment and accessories from her, and offering critiques as a model on wear-ability and helping her develop her style as a designer while keeping her ‘on-brand’. The fact they mostly goofed off or worked on miraculous-related things together was another matter for another time.)

             Ladybug and Carapace stayed like that for a while, until after the JL left. She may have trolled the Monkey tab on the Ladyblog and snorted at someone’s short of ‘era 1’ Chat running at an akuma while screaming “this is how I will get Ladybug will love me!” with an ‘era 2’ Chat cringing. “That. That is how I got Ladybug to baby brother me.”

--  

           Dick was wondering where the rest of the bats were during patrol. The night before, it was only him. Something about needing to look into something for the JL on Bruce’s end, and Damian was working on something again—trying to make up for a past wrong was the most Dick ever got out of him. It was the third year in a row this happened, and around the same time. Apparently needles are part of this apology.

             Dick really hopes Damian manages to meet the person face to face this time. He has a feeling the person Damian’s apologizing to might be a civilian by Bat standards, and is probably missing Damian’s message completely. Maybe Dick would check up on him tomorrow—Gotham wait for no one and apparently Nightwing is the only responsible Bat at the moment. Thank god for Oracle’s Birds of Prey and the other vigilantes Gotham’s collected over the years. Dick doesn’t want to think about what would happen if this happened without them all.

--

PART FOUR HERE

Thanks for waiting on the update. Working with burned hand so it will take longer for the next installments. Mostly planned for the next chapter but character will do what they want and highjack my writing constantly. Things are moving forward (somewhat) on the Bats and JL end, while Miraculous Team stands with their leader, Ladybug, and aren’t ready to let Anyone threaten her.

this makes for a set-up for much to go Wrong. Feel free to add to the upcoming chaos or put in things youd like to see happen in the comments or by messaging me. 

@heldtogetherbysafetypins @laurcad123 @raisuke06

[ltleflrt]

So I was having a conversation on Discord about omegaverse tonight, and my brain won’t shut up about it, because as usual I come up with my arguments after the discussion is over.  I should have been asleep 3 hours ago, but it’s hot and I can’t unwind, so I’m going to stay up EVEN LATER while the a/c brings things down a few degrees, and I try to get these thoughts out of my head.

I was pro-omegaverse, and trying to explain why *I personally* like the genre, and why I think even with it’s problematic origins and frequently used elements, it’s still a cool genre.  I was essentially having 2 discussions, but they were both using my answers to their questions, even though I was usually addressing them 1 at a time.  That happens when you’re in a Discord chat, and I wasn’t @ing my answers to them, since we were all in the room together.  And I think that cunfuddled the discussion and my thoughts.  So here’s a breakdown.

Issue 1. Biological Essentialism is gross and rapey.

Answer:  Yes, it is.  But so what?  Some people like pure rape-fantasy.  Is it healthy?  That can be argued either way, and it definitely depends on the person writing, or the person reading.  People like gross and rapey stories to get their rocks off.  Whether we like non-con or not, rape fics should be allowed to exist because some people like it.  It doesn’t matter if I think their reasons are valid.  As long as they’re not actively trying to harm someone, let people get down and dirty with their rapey fantasies.

Also, the whole biological imperative to mate isn’t that far off from Soulmate AUs.  Truemates = Soulmates.  Whether we like Soulmate AUs or not, are we also arguing that they shouldn’t exist because they’re problematic?  No, we’re not.  Soulmate AUs are romantic for a lot of people.  Let people have their uncomplicated, fluffy, 1 Destined Love stories.

Something to keep in mind though, is that not all omegaverse fics use the true mate trope.  And quite a lot of fics have characters with a lot more self control during their mating cycles than what you’d find in the short smutty one shots.  It’s common for them to avoid each other during heats, and only share their mating cycle as an act of love, trust, and devotion.  After they’ve been dating for a while.  (I love it when the alpha brings over snacks and water for the omega, and immediately hightails it out of there once they get a whiff of their sexy love interest.  “Take care of yourself, text me when you feel better, loveyoubye! *nyoooom*”)

Issue 2. It’s transphobic.

Answer:  This one is harder to argue, because yeah.  It can be.  But so can non-omegaverse.  Transphobia is, unfortunately, everywhere.  Exploring human gender through non-human gendered beings isn’t a bad thing though.  Cis people should be allowed to explore those things too.  This is step 1 to fighting the Patriarchy.  Questioning it.  Someone may come out of the experience still cis, but they’re going to be more open minded to trans people.  Not to mention, all the trans and enby folks who probably figured themselves out through the gender exploration to be found in omegaverse.

Now, if someone’s into omegaverse and they tell you they won’t read a story about a trans character?  Red flag.

Personally, I like the gender exploration in omegaverse.  Not just in the hormonal stuff, although I do kinda love the idea of seeing cis male characters suffer cramps once a month lol... but I like the stuff about social inequality that women have to go through mapped onto a male character.

I brought this up in the chat, and my use of the term “women’s issues” raised a terfy flag I think, which upset me and made it harder to make my point.  Cuz if there’s one thing I’m not, it’s terfy.  But I do see women’s issues as also trans issues.  Trans Men are treated differently after they start to present as male.  There’s a marked difference between their treatment as a woman pre-transition, and as a man afterwards.  And they still have to be really careful about accidental pregnancy.  I cannot fathom how awful the dysphoria would be for them if they get pregnant.  Trans Women are treated horribly pre-transition if they give any hint of feminine interests.  There’s a reason “girly” is an insult, and it’s because Toxic Masculinity Is The Worst.  And then when they transition?  Hooooboy, gods bless those ladies because Trans Women are treated worse than Cis Women on the social pyramid.  And Enbies?  Oh you sweet things, how the hell do you deal with the rest of us bastards? 

When I say that I am interested in seeing the characters I like deal with women’s issues, I am talking about social inequality, not just periods and cramps (although that a little bit too, because I wish a cis man could just fucking UNDERSTAND why I need a goddamn nap okay? lol), but also sexual health rights, including birth control, including the right to choose whether or not to take hormones, the right to equal pay, the right to equal education.  Feminism, for me, includes trans and enby folks at the table. 

But anyway, the characters I like right now just happen to be men.  I see Dean as a man.  That could mean he’s a trans man too, because trans men are men, yo.  Castiel I see either as a man or non-binary.  So if I want to put them through “women’s issues”, I have to plunk them in a special universe for that.  No one is writing Matriarchy AUs, so Omegaverse it is!

(Side note: If my OTP were f/f, I’d still like omegaverse.  And I could see lots of interesting ways to use all those same tropes for 2 female presenting characters.  So it has nothing to do with genitalia.  Unless it’s smut.  But I swing all the ways, so still not an issue for me lol)

(Side note part deux: I like to read trans stories too.  They have unique things about them that cannot be found in stories about cis characters, even in omegaverse.  And when I see Dean and Cas as men or enby, I’m not putting down people who like them gender flipped.  I just see myself enjoying Trans Woman Claire dating Enby Kaia, more than I’d like to see Dean or Cas written as cis/trans-women.)

Issue 3.  Internalized misogyny!

Answer: This is an argument used against women shipping m/m in general, and has nothing to do with omegaverse.  It just so happens that omegaverse was created for m/m pairings.  But there are TONS of reasons we ship more m/m than any other pairings, ranging from those are the most interesting characters presented to us, to--yes--internalized misogyny.  But I’m tired of that one.  Internalized misogyny is rampant, and telling women that their fantasies are problematic isn’t going to cure them.  There’s better ways to go about it. 

Omegaverse now covers m/f and f/f pairings as well, sooooo... yeah, this one just doesn’t hold water like it used to.  We just need to yoink the media out of the hands of the cis-men who are mostly in charge, and make them give us more compelling women to ship.

Issue 4: That’s not how human bodies work.

Answer: They’re not human lol!  Okay but real talk here.  This issue actually sounds transphobic to me, because it strikes very close to the XX vs XY chromosomes argument.  Omegaverse characters have intersex variations.  Alpha females and Omega males can have both a penis and a vagina in some fics.  It depends on how the author wants to write it, of course.  I usually go with the (horrifying) cloaca for omega males, and the (hyena inspired) psueudo-penis for alpha females instead, but to each writer their own lol

But again... not human.  Let wet buttholes be a thing, lube is expensive and sometimes the bottle gets tangled in the sheets, and you have to stop what you’re doing to find it and... anyway, convenience in fantasy sex is nice lol

In Conclusion: 

Personally, I only like non-traditional omegaverse.  The stuff that subverts the “problematic” tropes.  I was asked what I liked about the genre, and when I explained, it devolved into discussion of the topics above.  But I think what was forgotten in that discussion, was that I kept saying I don’t like the “problematic” things.  I like flipping the tropes.  Which I like in general, when I’m looking for things to read.  I mean, how many Castiel Thinks He’s Straight fics are there?  Not many!  So I wrote one!  Because flipping tropes is my jam! 

I don’t like Soulmate AUs, but with the proper twist I can still enjoy it.  I don’t like Highschool AUs, but I’ve read some that touched me so deeply I still think of them years later.  There’s always someone subverting the tropes I don’t like and turning them into something I do like.

And yet even though I kept saying I liked the subversion of the genre, the discussion kept coming back around to the parts of omegaverse that I *don’t* like.  I will still defend anyone’s right to like the parts of it that aren’t for me though, so I argued away XD

And? Sometimes I like the dark problematic stuff when I’m in the mood to get my rocks off.  Don’t judge, you’re all a little weird in some way or another ;D

Anywho, now that I got this stuff off my chest, hopefully I can sleep.  It has also cooled down by like 4 degrees, and I no longer feel like I’m going to melt in my sleep.  Tomorrow is going to suck, because I have to get up in 5 hours.  Yay!

[samwritesforyou]

We’re gonna be okay

Diego x reader

Summary: You and Diego worked out a system for a situation if he ever comes to your place while being in the highest form of distress and needs your help. He assured you it won’t happen often. Until one night, it finally did.

A/N: i feel like i’ve read the whole tumblr dot com worth of diego x reader fanfics and yet i still wanted more, so the desperate need to finally write something myself has been fulfilled. i would actually love to take requests, so if you want, dont hesitate to message/ask me! im ready to write fics and headcanons :) (my blog might seem new but ive been on tumblr for years and years and i finally dedicated a new blog to mostly reader inserts, either my own or reblogging others)

Warnings: Mentions of a panic attack, gender neutral reader

Wordcount: 3,350

There was a knock on the door.

It was pretty late, but not too late for it to be Diego yet.

Or so you thought.

You got up kinda lazily from a comfortable chair you had situated in the corner of a room, at first designed mainly for reading or napping, but ending up doing absolutely whatever you could on the spot. Eating pizza, watching netflix, browsing through the internet after long working hours that you put in into your tiny art selling business.

You slightly opened the door and already plastered a semi-fake smile for a possible neighbor, but in front of you stood Diego.

Your dear friend, who was at the moment soaked from the rain outside, with big eyes, fast breathing and bloody hands.

Bloody hands?!

“Hello to you too, friend!” you said quite worried, quickly patting him down for signs of any physical pain. For the first time in a while he seemed fine, unscarred.

Your eyes finally went up, literally scanning his face but it was completely unreadable.

His eyes were wide and he looked as if he couldn’t comprehend what was going on around him.

You looked down again and took his fists into your hands. His own palms unclenched and you could see that they were heavily bloodied.

“Diego.. whose blood is it?”

No answer.

You rushed him inside and closed the door behind the two of you, facing the damn vigilante again.

“Diego, I need to know who’s blood is on your hands,” your voice grew steadier as you knitted your brows together in worry and confusion.

Only then the guy decided to move his arms and you noticed how shaky he is. He connected his two index fingers in the form of a cross, pressing it to his chest.

Your own eyes went wide now as you stumbled back a few steps and your mind went blank.

.

.

.

You instantly remembered a night that happened a few years back. He has come in crumbling through your window and was obviously in some new form of distress, that you couldn’t quite understand yet.

“Diego?” it seemed like your voice didn’t reach his ears, so you tried calling out his name again, getting up from the couch and patting him lightly on the body, to determine any sign of an injury.

It looked like there was none, so you tried to reach his gaze that was somewhat absentminded, all over the place, scanning everything but not meeting your eyes.

He was a tough guy, and you knew it. You knew that if you want to get answers, you need to either get them yourself or make yourself heard, until he cannot ignore you any longer.

“Diego Hargreeves, what is going on?” your voice was soft yet determined.

His dark orbs finally stopped on your face and he just shook his head, his breathing oddly fast for a man who was just simply standing.

You continued to push. You didn’t have the best day either, and to be interrupted at 1am by his visit was nothing new, but you couldn’t let him have this behaviour. Even though you’re friends, that didn’t automatically mean that he could do whatever he wanted.

Throughout the whole night he didn’t say a thing, but when you started adding volume to your voice, he.. he just broke down.

That night, you’ve witnessed Diego experience a panic attack. Caused by yourself.

You couldn’t fall asleep that night, even after you eventually calmed him down and the only thing that was left to do for you was to watch him sleep and slowly rubbing circles on his exposed arm out of the blanket.

It felt like neons before you noticed a first ray of sunshine drawing from the half-closed curtains, making you spring to your feet and drag your ass to the kitchen, trying to think of what to do for breakfast.

When you figured the recipe out and finished cooking, Diego was already up and joined you near the kitchen counter, next to which you had two stools.

He settled on one of them, looking at you.

“Hey.”

“Hey,” you couldn’t muster anything better, so you just put a plate in front of him and then sat next to his side, simply digging into your portion of scrambled eggs.

“About last night, y/n..” he drifted off, probably at first deciding that it’s better to fill his stomach a little bit.

In the meantime you didn’t dare to speak up and just waited for him to say something, anything.

When he finished his meal, he finally turned to you with a sigh.

“You know that one guy I told you ‘bout? That we.. we do some vigilante shit together from time to time?”

You just nodded, not meeting his eyes.

“Well. I guess I could count him as a close friend. You know.. and,” this was followed by a slight pause and clearing of the throat.

“He died yesterday. I couldn’t save him.”

Your eyes immediately shot up to Diego and all that vulnerability and hurt that you’ve clearly seen yesterday just overtaking him were completely gone. Now present only a strong facade that he mastered whenever he needed to hide from showing emotions. You hated it.

“Shit, Diego..” you spoke quietly and softly, all the words seemed to have left you in all the things unsaid in your throat. But you tried to continue.

“I’m sorry. And I’m also sorry for pushing you over the edge. I.. I didn’t know what happened so I just acted how we would normally do,” he smirked at that, merely for a second, but you still caught it.

“Look, I.. I know, “ he simply said and then it felt as if he was weighting pros and cons of telling you something else that was clearly on his chest.

“You always help me out. Every single night I come to you.. Why do you do it, y/n?” Diego’s eyes were steadily turned your way.

At the sudden question you raised an eyebrow, “well, I.. I care about you.”

He lightly bit his lower lip and turned his gaze away, clearly thinking about something really hard.

“Okay,” he finally said, “y/n, do you think I could ask you for a favour then?”

At that your eyes met and you felt nervous, for some reason.

You really liked him. Not just like a friend. But you understood that there probably won’t be a chance for you two to ever become a couple (mostly considering that you didn’t believe that he could feel about you this way), so you settled for friendship anyways, since you two really got along well.

And having this handsome tough guy as a friend? Damn, just that is already some kind of luck swinging your way.

But your feelings of course meant that.. you’d do more for him than what you’d do just for a friend. You would get out of your comfort zone just to help him with injuries or hear him talk about his girlfriend (at the time, now they were broken up) and how they argued so much that he ended up on the streets and didn’t really want to go to his lonely place at the gym.

And you took him in. You always did. And since the day you became friends you always care for him.

And you’d care now once again.

“What is it?” in your tone danced a question, troubled with what he might ask for.

“Well, yesterday-“ he cut himself from finishing and cleared his throat, starting over.

“I imagine we’re gonna be friends for a long time, right?”

You just pushed your brows up with a small nod in affirmation.

“I never had.. anyone, really, to help me with the states I often got into,” you immediately thought of Eudora, wasn’t his ex-girlfriend supposed to be his support pillar? Or is he just making you feel sorry for him-

“Or I didn’t ever trust anyone that much, you know,” oh, okay, that kind of explains that then.

“And I guess.. I trust you enough? To share this?” he talked quietly and mumbled a lot so you realised soon you won’t be able to hear him at all.

You grabbed his hands with yours and caught his attention this way.

You were never really touchy together, but occasional hugs and even holding hands was kind of a standard for you from time to time.

His eyes met yours again and you cursed yourself for your heartbeat getting faster. This is not an appropriate moment to get butterflies in your stomach, dammit.

“I’m listening, Diego,” you confirmed, nodding again.

“Okay. It’s- it’s just really h-hard to talk about this,” he stuttered a bit, but with the next breath continued again, “When there’s some situation that’s just completely fucked up, like losing someone close to me, or- or somethin’ else, I don’t know.. I finish what I need at the scene where it happened but when I come home I just,” he breathed some air in and you felt his hands squeeze yours a bit tighter, “I just break down, you know? Sometimes it’s just all too much for me and I don’t know how to deal with it and I would just wanna.. someone to hold me, I guess? Otherwise when someone’s trying to talk at me or somethin’ I just get even more worked up and it’s even worse.”

It all started to come together in your mind. Even though it sounded really strange to hear Diego talk about things like.. wanting to be held and shit. But you always guessed there’s a far bigger sweetheart and a soft boy underneath all those harness and knives.

You tried to pick your words carefully.

“So when I started to ask you shit.. You just flipped. Basically because I was talking at you a lot and you couldn’t take it anymore, right?”

He sighed and looked somewhere up, nodding bit by bit.

“Yeah, yep. That was it.”

You clapped at his hands lightly, to bring his focus back again and he looked at you and mustered a sad, faint smile.

You did the same. In the world you lived in, unforeseen and unfortunate events were happening left and right and thinking about his childhood and everything.. no wonders he developed such a huge reaction and coping mechanism to something catastrophic happening.

“That’s okay, Diego. I’m here for you, I mean it. Let’s just talk about some things what I should and shouldn’t do when you come here in that state, alright? I just want you to feel comfortable.”

“Alright. Thank you, y/n,” he was looking down now, the whole morning kinda failing to meet your gaze and just rubbed his thumb across your hand, which send you heart into a race again.

You slowly let go of him, making an excuse to go wash the dishes.

After a while you looked behind you where he sat and said, “We also need some sort of a sign that you can easily show me, since you’re not really talkative when you get like this.”

Apparently he already used said “sign” somewhere, because he had it on the ready.

It was his hands clutching in fists, index fingers crossing each other in a form of a cross, pressed to his chest.

“Something like this. But don’t worry, I don’t think it’ll happen often. That would be really sad,” he laughed a little and then looked at you somewhat longingly and you averted your eyes back to the sink, nodding.

.

.

You almost forgot about that and now it all come flooding back.

Something terrible must’ve happened. You were panicking, but you had to stay strong, for him.

He was still standing in your hallway, with a crossed index fingers pressed to his chest.

“Okay, okay..” you mumbled more to yourself than to him, taking his hands into yours and looking him up and down.

He really seemed.. disconnected. It was kind of scary and you tried so hard not to think about what happened. Or about who died.

“Here, come with me, Diego,” you led him by the hand towards your couch as he was holding onto you, but his usual grip was gone.

You both ended up on a sofa and you really didn’t know how to act around him now, because.. he didn’t talk, didn’t look at you but when he did, his eyes were wide and big and he just seemed suddenly like a small boy to you.

Hopefully he won’t remember this tomorrow, you thought and tried to smile a little bit at him.

“Okay. Can you get your hands up for me, baby boy?” You’ve decided to approach this situation as if you were just babysitting an overgrown child.

Because nothing bad happens to children normally, right? And if you kept thinking about him as usual grown man Diego, you’d lose your mind in the process, wanting to scream and shake him by the shoulders until he spills you what happened.

Being Diego’s friend pushed you to new limits each day, truly.

He didn’t bat an eyelid at your tone change and word choosing, just obliging and putting his hands up.

You helped him to get his knives down and put his black turtleneck over his head, so now he sat shirtless right next to you, hands still smeared with blood.

Goddamit the blood!

You took him by the elbows and lead Diego to the bathroom, where you helped to get the red out of his hands. At the sight of blood dripping down into the sink you deciphered a whimper from him, even through the sound of running water and looked up.

Diego couldn’t stop looking down at his hands and tears were running down his cheeks.

You quickly took his face into your wet hands from the water and forced him to look away and lock his gaze with yours.

“Hey, don’t look at it, okay? It’ll only make you stressed. Until I’m done you can just close you eyes, okay?”

“Oh-okay,” he said and just closed his eyes here and there.

You sighed and tried to finish washing his hands as fast as possible, cursing under your breath pretty often.

“I’m sorry..” you heard him mumble and when you looked up, his eyes were still shut.

“Nothin’ to be sorry about.. We’ll talk about this tomorrow, right? Don’t worry. You’re safe now,” you smiled as you were already wrapping his hands in a towel and his eyelashes fluttered, eyes opening.

You stayed looking at each other for a second longer than necessary, but then you already lead him away to the bedroom area, where you actually tucked him in, wrapping in a soft blanket and then rushed to the kitchen, grabbing a few cookies and then leaving it on a plate next to him on the night table. 

 You almost made yourself comfortable on the couch, when he suddenly called out your name from the bed.

You sprung to your feet, thinking he’s actually hurt but you didn’t notice or that- “Can you... stay with me? P-please?” he asked, disrupting your train of thought. You did expect this, but still felt really shy about that.

Diego is vulnerable right now and does need your help and presence though.

And there wouldn’t be anything you wouldn’t do for him.

“Sure,” and after this simple answer you carefully climbed in next to him covering you both with a blanket and he curled up closer to you, almost immediately falling asleep.

From one point of view it felt like you wouldn’t sleep at all tonight, but from the other one.. you actually fell asleep just as fast as he did.

.

.

To nobody’s surprise you woke up first and actually flinched at the sight of sleeping Diego inches from your own face.

Your mind went running with ideas what happened and what’s going on until you realised the real deal and your brain caught up to yesterday’s shenanigans.

It was a wild ride and you were thankful that now it’s - most probably - over.

Your eyes were subconsciously scanning his face, until you realised what you’re doing, but you didn’t stop even then.

You’ve never been this close to his face yet and now you could admire and explore every part of it.

Having feelings for a friend that’s laying in the same bed with you at the moment is really not the healthiest thing that could’ve happened to you, huh..

You actually froze and your heart started racing billion times faster when you realised that you have a weight of his arm around your waist, pulling you closer from his sleep.

He grunted and his nose was now in your hair, shuffling a little to get more comfortable.

You had no idea how to change positions, especially when being held by such a strong arm as his and you got a feeling like Diego might actually wake up just about now, so the best solution that came into your mind was to forcefully close your eyes shut and pretend that you’re still sleeping.

He did, indeed, wake up. You were suddenly pushed to the other side of the bed, arm disappearing from your waist and a waterfall of curses fell from his lips quietly.

You used up all your acting stamina to make a believable scene of you gaining your conscious from the deep slumber that you were obviously in, stretched your arms for a good effect and finally opened your eyes.

You immediately signed up for a staring contest as soon as you looked at him and smiled a little. His face remained unreadable but perhaps a little bit flustered?.. But you may be reading too much into it.

“Hi,” you said with a higher tone than intended and Diego just nodded at that.

You tried your luck by addressing the elephant in the room right away, you never liked ignoring the problems that were always looming over you, “care to tell me what happened yesterday?”

He drew a big sigh and rested his head back on the pillow, looking up at the ceiling.

You couldn’t stop looking at him. At first because you really wanted to know the mystery, but the longer you looked at him, the more you realised that you’re just admiring the beauty that he holds, until his words fell like a dead weight right onto your shoulders.

“I found Eudora’s body yesterday. I couldn’t get to the place in time and someone killed her.”

What?

It felt like what he said was simply a trick of your imagination. You liked Eudora yourself, she was a very intelligent and an interesting person, you two often hung out and that feeling didn’t cease even after you found out that she and Diego started dating.

And even when they broke up some months after, you still found your way to spend time with her. So did Diego.

You wanted to cry, but thought that it might be insensitive towards him, because he was much closer to her than you were, so you tried to swallow your forming tears down.

“I’m.. I’m so sorry, Diego..”

“It’s your loss too, I know it, y/n,” he looked at you with much softer look this time.

“Come here,” he said a little bit hesitantly and opened up one arm towards you.

This was unusual, but maybe last night’s events tore down some walls?.. Who knows.

You almost threw yourself into his embrace and once your forehead rested on his chest, you started crying.

From everything, honestly. There’s been problems at work, your seemingly unrequited feelings for Diego didn’t help much either and now you learned that you lost one of your friends.

He started rubbing circles on your back, just letting you get those emotions out, while you two were hugging each other on the bed in your apartment.

And as you slowly started to calm down, he said a gentle, “it’s gonna be okay. We’re gonna be okay”