#contender to next icon if i ever change it

[detroit-grand-prix]

Wildest Dreams Chapter 25 - Holy Ground, Part 1

Chapter summary: Bee has been pushing all season towards one goal - doing well at her first-ever home Grand Prix in Austin, Texas, but she feels the pressure building, and a lot of things are changing.

Content warning: N/A

Chapter word count: 6,009

Author's Notes: This is the beginning of the end of the main story arc. This chapter had to be split into two parts because it was so long. I started planning this story in May and finished it in August, and I had a ton of fun writing it out. I'd grown attached to it to the point where I am still writing little one-off chapters and side stories for it. Anyway, not too many notes this chapter, other than the elements from Bee's custom helmet. The Spirit of Detroit statue, which is one of my favorite landmarks in Detroit. The We Can Do It! poster, which you will definitely be familiar with if you're from the US. Maybe even if you're not, it's a pretty iconic image by now. I also referenced it in one of the Monza chapters, in one of the fake tweets. Super Bee logo - The Super Bee was a muscle car produced by Dodge for a few years in the 60's and 70's, and then they brought the model name back for a trim package for the Dodge Charger in the late 2000's. I think the emblem is cute, but I don't know if Bee would have to get permission to use the emblem on her helmet or not, but this is fanfiction, so I can do what I want (within reason).

Grove, Oxfordshire, England, United Kingdom Mid-September 2021

The season was just over halfway through, and Bee was starting to feel the pressure of meeting her goal of getting on the podium. She’d been so close. God, so close. She finished as high as fifth. It was in Monza, of course, which she thought was her best chance, and it would have worked, and it would have been second if she hadn’t screwed up timing on the safety car after the crash that took Lewis and Max out of the race. She and George tried to double-stack to change tires, but she was a few seconds too late to come out into the pits in second and couldn’t manage to make up the places she’d lost. 

The worst part was it wasn’t her crew’s fault - she was concentrating so hard on making a good exit that she somehow missed the green light from the pit. She’d never seen anyone do that, let alone her. She felt awful.

She felt like she’d blown the opportunity with the two main podium contenders out. The frustration rattled her harder than she expected it to.

At least George had managed to secure a podium before that, in Belgium. There was barely a race run, but George put on a spectacular qualifying in the rain, qualifying in P2. They ended up only racing for two full laps, and the top 10 finishers were only awarded half points, but it was Williams’ first podium since 2012. On the bright side, Williams was an astounding sixth in the constructor’s championship now. It was their highest placement in years, and meant hundreds of millions in prize money for the team. The year before Bee joined, they weren’t even able to score a single point, now they were absolutely a midfield team.

It was a bittersweet occasion, though, because three days before, George had signed with Mercedes for the 2022 season. It was announced a week later, but Toto had told Bee already, because they were starting discussions for her contact for the next year as well.

“I’m really happy for him.” She told Toto. “He absolutely deserves it, but… I’m a little selfish and will miss being on a team with him.”

“Well, in a way, you are still on a team with him - that is what I told him when he had his incident with Valtteri earlier this year. You’re still a Mercedes driver.”

“I know, but it's not going to be quite the same, but I’m more excited for him than I am sad for me, trust me.”

As far as her contract with Williams, Bee opted to only seek another one-year agreement. She was starting to feel like her career had an expiration date that was sooner than most drivers, and she wasn’t sure how she would get along with the incoming team principal, who was Williams’ current CEO, Jost Capito. 

She hadn’t actually worked with him very much, not yet. He seemed like an amenable guy. He was German, and had come from the world of rally car racing. The person that was originally tapped to be Claire’s replacement had backed out, so Jost decided to absorb his role and be CEO and Team Principal instead of hiring someone else. At least he was going to be hands-on.

The only alternative that Bee was willing to confront was if Lewis won his 8th WDC at the end of the season, surpassed Schumacher’s record, and retired. The sport would be bereft without Lewis, of course, but Bee would certainly be in consideration for his spot. Not that she could ever think to replace Lewis Hamilton or even start to fill his shoes, but an open seat at Mercedes would be an open seat at Mercedes.

Some drivers would take a seat for any team that would have them - they just want to race, and they don’t care who’s name is on the car. Bee wasn’t one of them. She only wanted to stay in the sport if she could represent Mercedes. She knew she wouldn’t be happy elsewhere. 

She had a session with Natalie after Monza. Emilia suggested it - she’d noticed that Bee was on edge after that weekend, and it had apparently been a while since she’d had a check-in with her therapist. 

“You know that your performance is as much mental as it is physical, and I know you’re not at your best right now. It couldn’t hurt, at least before we leave for Sochi.” Emilia said gently. They’d just had a training session, but Bee had almost gone overboard trying to work out her frustration. Emilia only had her stop because she was afraid of Bee injuring herself.

“Okay, you’re right.” She said, trying to catch her breath. “I’ll call her later.”

“I just… I can’t believe I fucked up like that.” Bee said to Natalie on FaceTime. “I was concentrating so hard on trying to get away from the pit as fast as possible - like, how hard is it to focus for literally three seconds? But I looked away for a fraction of a second and it was already too late.” 

“That’s tough. I know in F1 those little margins matter, but… if I remember, you got 5th in that race, right? Isn’t that still one of your best results?” 

“Actually it is my best result in Formula 1. But I’m mad because if I hadn’t lost focus, I would’ve come out in the pit in 2nd place. And my goal this season is to get on the podium. And it was Monza! If I was going to get on the podium anywhere, Monza would be ideal - and Lewis and Max crashed each other out, so it seemed perfect. I mean, I don’t know how long I have left in this sport, and I don’t want to leave without feeling like I haven’t accomplished anything.” Bee said.

“Ah, okay, that’s something. What makes you say that you haven’t accomplished anything? As far as I know, you’ve accomplished quite a lot. You’re the first woman in a long time to make points finishes, first American woman to race in F1 - I think that’s -”

Bee interrupted her. “I mean, yeah. Okay. That’s all fine and well, but if I weren’t a woman, I would be having an incredibly mediocre career so far, but because I am, everything I’ve done is groundbreaking.” She was getting annoyed. She felt a surge of frustration creeping up the back of her skull, like a series of pinpricks.

“Would you, though? I don’t think anyone other than, say, Lewis and Max was any good in their first few seasons. You even outscored your own teammate - you managed a point in your first season, and he didn’t, and he’s considered a potential world champion.” 

“I know, but the car he had to try to compete in was way worse than the one I got in my first season.”

“I still think you’re underestimating yourself. But I’m also hearing a few things here. Number one is that you don’t to be remembered just because you’re a woman, which I think is very fair, but in a sport like this, that is a significant barrier to overcome, and I think it has required a lot more than people realize. Think about it this way - do you think anybody would know who Max Verstappen is if he was a woman?” Natalie said.

“Probably not.” Bee conceded.

“Right, because he didn’t have the kind of hurdle you did to get into this sport in the first place. And you think Susie is a good racing driver, right?”

“Yeah, of course.” Bee said, like it was a foregone conclusion. “I’ve seen her lap times, her telemetry data, her onboards, she definitely knew what she was doing. If she was racing now, she’d be better than almost a quarter of the grid.”

“Right. Of course. But Bee, even she couldn’t surmount the walls you have. I grant you, she has helped you a lot in your career, so she boosted you over that wall. Plus, I think timing was more on your side than it was hers, but I’m just saying - you’ve overcome a lot of things that not everyone would be able to, and I think that’s what makes your career so far exceptional.” 

Natalie sounded absolutely solid in her conviction, to the point where Bee forgot she was her therapist for a moment.

“The season is not over yet, and you’ve come within striking distance of a podium. So, you made a mistake. Every driver has. Some people make even bigger mistakes - at least all you lost was a split-second of a pit exit. Do you remember what happened when Lewis forgot to remove that... brake… magic… thing? I don’t know what it was. But, in Baku this year? He didn’t even finish in the points. Some drivers have even made mistakes that have destroyed their entire car. A few seconds on a pit exit seems like nothing in comparison, right?” 

Bee laughed. “Now you actually sound like a sports analyst. But, okay. I get your point. You’re right. The season’s not over.”

“Is there another race you’d want to aim for the podium for? Surely Monza wasn’t -”

“Austin. The US Grand Prix. How amazing would that be? To be the first woman on an F1 podium, as an American driver, in America? I’ve always wanted to… but we didn’t race there last year, and F2 never raced there.” Bee was resolute. 

“That sounds like a good plan. It’s a home race for you, it might be easier to get a good result with a home crowd.” Natalie said, thoughtfully. “I know in other sport, home-court advantage really can swing things. I’m not sure how it affects you drivers, though.”

“I think it does make a difference, honestly.” Bee said. “I think that’s why Lewis always manages to do so well in Silverstone, truthfully. And also speaking of Austin… This was a long time ago, but do you remember me telling you about that woman, on the airplane? It was way back in 2016, I think. The one who said she was my first fan? That was on my way back from the US. I always think about that. I think that was one of the first times I realized that I was on the right track.”

“Oh, I do remember you telling me about that. You should see if you can track her down, maybe, and see if she’s going to the race. I’m sure she’d love to see you again.”

“Natalie, that’s genius.”

“What is?”

“We have a limited number of paddock passes we can give out to guests, as drivers, and I gave you one for Silverstone this year, and I’m giving some to my parents for the US GP, but I think I still have a couple to use, so if I can track her down, I can give her one.” 

“Oh, that’s a great idea. She shouldn’t be impossible to find, right? You know her first name, at least, and approximately where she lives. This isn’t a big country. But, you have to hurry.” Natalie said. 

Bee went home that night and put in her best efforts on Google trying to find the Adelle that lived in Leeds that shared that flight with her. Apparently “Adelle” was a more common forename in the UK than she’d anticipated, but she had narrowed it down to a few options, until she got lucky on LinkedIn, of all places. She recognized the woman from her profile picture, and she still had the same bright red hair. Once she had a surname, finding an address was easy. Hopefully it was still current.

When she went to the factory in Grove the next day, Bee put together a package of Williams items - two shirts, a hat, and a keychain, along with a letter and two paddock passes, two of her collectible driver cards, both signed. 

Dear Adelle,

I don’t know if you remember me, but we shared a flight together five years ago, coming back to London from the Mexican Grand Prix in 2016. I told you I was a junior driver for an F1 team, and was trying to find a feeder team and wanted to make it into F1.

If you still watch the sport, you are probably aware that I did make it. It hasn’t always been easy. Something you told me that day, on that flight, has stuck in my mind. You said that there was probably a girl out there who was good enough to make it in motorsport, but just wasn’t told enough that she could. When I was 19, I thought that was me. But since then, I’ve come to realize now that I’ve been very fortunate to have a strong group of people - mostly women, supporting me in my journey, and you, in your own small way, whether you know it or not, are among that number. But the story you told me about your daughter - it made me realize that no matter how hard this journey has been, the trouble is worth it if I can bring some visibility to the women that participate in this sport and make the sport more open and welcoming for female fans.

You mentioned, at the time, that you liked to go to the races in North America on your holidays, and I was hoping you were planning on going to the US Grand Prix this year. I have enclosed two paddock passes and two pasess to the Williams garage and hospitality area. If you happen to be there, I’d be honored to have you as my guest in the garage, and you can feel free to bring someone. I hope this makes it to you in time, and that we get to see each other. It would mean a lot to me. 

Thank you again.

Phoebe Stallard

She listed the return address as the factory and hoped the package made it safely to its destination.

There were two races to go until the United States Grand Prix; Russia, and Turkey. 

Russia was not kind to Bee. She qualified well, ending up at the top of Q2, even though the track was wet and rapidly drying. George, however, qualified third. Not Q3, actual third place. It was stunning to see, and the paddock was almost buzzing about it - Williams still wouldn’t be in the championship running for a while, but their return to form over the past 2 seasons had been impressive.

Rain started falling on the last 5 laps of the race. As soon as Bee saw the track conditions changing, she cursed out loud on the radio, forgetting it was live - she was in for a points finish, but weather conditions always had the possibility of reshuffling the deck.

Bee pitted for intermediate tyres right away, but spun out on one of the last laps and had enough damage from the resulting collision that she had to retire. She didn’t finish the race, but was still classified because she’d completed more than 90% of it. At least George had gotten himself into the points with a sixth-place finish. 

Turkey was an interesting race. Bee hadn’t ever been to Turkey, and actually would have enjoyed spending more time in the country itself. But they were getting to the point in the season calendar where grid penalties were plentiful - each car was only allowed a certain number of component swaps per season, be they for replacing power units (which consisted of the gas engine, electric motors, and an energy recovery system) elements or engines. 

Every swapped major component or engine over the allotment for the season meant that your car incurred a grid penalty, no matter what your qualifying result was. Replacing an engine over the allotment would set you back ten places on the grid, no matter what your qualifying place was. Other components could mean having to start from the back of the grid. 

Bee knew her car was about to exceed the allotment for engines, so she begged Claire to have the swap done for her car for Turkey instead of risking the penalty for the United States GP. They weren’t in contention for the championship, so it really didn’t matter where or when she got the grid penalty, but she wanted every chance to podium in Austin she could get. 

Claire agreed, and Bee took a 10-grid-place penalty in Turkey. She had managed to qualify in 10th, which means she’d made it into Q3. It was a shame to be knocked back down to 20th (or 17th, really, because of other drivers incurring penalties) but it meant that she was able to get to Q3, which was important for Austin.

It was the first race she’d ever remembered running, at least in F1, without a single retirement. George placed 7th, and she placed 10th. She wondered how things might have shaken out if she hadn’t taken a grid penalty, but it had to be done. 

Austin, Travis County, Texas, United States of America October 18th, 2021

Bee landed in Austin a few days ahead of when the rest of the team would be arriving, but the bulk of her extended family had flown down from the Midwest - most of them from Michigan, but she had cousins that lived in Illinois and Ohio as well. Her parents would be flying in from Stuttgart as well.

Emilia decided to come early with her - normally, they mostly traveled separately, as Emilia still primarily resided in Germany, but she wanted a little more time to prepare. This was the first of the long flyaway races, so they’d be gone on a longer trip, and she was intrigued by the United States. 

“So what is your family like? I’ve met your parents, but this is your entire extended family, right - like, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins?” Emilia said on the flight over.

“They’re… loud. Friendly, but loud. And most of them like to talk. They’ll probably ask you a lot of questions. They’re all basically the opposite of anyone from Germany, so if you want to pretend you don’t speak English to get out of socializing, you’ll need to decide now and commit to that.”

Emilia scoffed. “I’ve met plenty of Americans. You’re American, in case you’d forgotten”

“Ah, you say that,” Bee said, trying hard to hide her smile. “but you met me after I’d been raised in Germany, and you met my parents after they’d lived and worked in Germany for over a decade. It’s not the same.” 

“This should be fun”, Bee thought.

“I will give you one piece of advice. If anyone asks ‘How are you?’, it’s more of a greeting and not an actual question. You can just give a non-specific answer, like ‘Good’, or ‘I’m fine.’ That should make things a lot easier.”

Emilia looked confused. “But… Why would they ask if they don’t want to know? Why ask a question you don’t want an answer for?” 

Bee laughed. “Like I said, it’s not an actual question. Just treat it as a greeting, and the response is ‘Good, and you?’ If you say any more than that, you might invite a conversation that might become way longer than you want it to be.”

Emilia shook her head. “Okay. I’ll take your word for it.”

Once they landed, they went to their hotel to unpack and get ready to meet Bee’s family. They were all meeting for dinner at a restaurant called Vivo. Bee’s parents had made a reservation so they could all eat outside together on the restaurant’s patio. 

It was a strange experience - Bee hadn’t seen a lot of her relatives in-person for years, aside from her grandparents - even that was three years ago now. They peppered her with questions, mostly about Drive to Survive (because they’d started watching it when it debuted, just like everyone else did, and Bee suspected that most of them still didn’t actually watch the races.)

It was a bit funny to Bee - people that were real, her coworkers, more or less, that she spent so much time with - were television characters to them, like they were being played by actors. She did her best to answer their questions, but it felt like being in a rapid-fire press conference.

“That Daniel Ricciardo seems so nice, is he like that for real?” 

“Yes. He’s exactly how he is on the show, but he’s also kind of… the class clown, I guess. Always playing pranks.”

“Do those engineer guys really talk to you through the entire race? How can you focus like that?”  

“They’re not talking constantly, and they have important information. My engineer’s name is Gaetan. He’s French.”

Emilia, meanwhile, had either ignored or had forgotten Bee’s advice, and had found herself trapped in a conversation with one of Bee’s aunts that she hadn’t necessarily meant to get herself into. Bee turned around at one point and saw the thinly-veiled expression of anguish on Emilia’s face, and decided to jump to her rescue.

“Hi, Aunt Debbie. Nice to see you again. Oh, I’m doing great! Happy to be back in the US for a few days! Yes, I’m excited you’re here for the race, too! I just came to see if Emilia had decided what she wanted to eat. Come on, let’s grab a menu.” 

“Thank you,” Emilia said, relieved, as they left Lisa to talk to one of Bee’s other aunts. “She was telling me about her gallbladder removal, in great detail.”

“See? I told you this would happen. She’s an oversharer anyway. But in all seriousness, have you looked at the menu?” Bee said, as they sat at a picnic table by themselves, heads together, poring over the listed fare.

“I don’t know what any of this is,” Emilia said, puzzled over the Spanish names for the dishes. “I’ve never had this food.”

“Okay, well, you like chicken, right? Try the fajita taco plate - that’s always pretty safe, and… ooh, beef enchiladas. That’s what I’m getting. You can try it, if you want.”

So, Emilia had her first encounter with Tex-Mex food. She loved the fajitas, (“These are so good. Why can’t we have these in Germany?” “I could make them for you, if you want, next time you’re in Oxford.” “But your cooking is…” “Okay, fair.” ) but thought Bee’s enchiladas were a bit on the spicy side. (“You eat currywurst, how is this spicy to you?” “It’s a different spicy!”)

They had some drinks (not too many for Bee, at least), which made Bee’s family a little easier to take for Emilia. After the dinner party had dispersed, Bee and Emilia stayed and talked to Bee’s parents for a while, because they were all on European time and weren’t quite ready to head back to the hotel for bed, yet.

While they were sitting and talking, they all had a few more drinks, too. Emilia had quite a few more, and ended up more tipsy than she probably would have liked to have been. She was a clingy, huggy drunk, as it turned out. It was difficult, though - Emilia was eight inches taller than Bee, and practically toppled her over as she was hanging on to Bee for support as they were waiting for their ride back to the hotel. 

She didn’t take Emilia back to her room - Bee’s room had two beds, so she poured Emilia into the extra bed and pumped her full of water and ibuprofen, just so she could keep an eye on her.

“You’re my favorite,” Emilia said, in slurred German. She was splayed across the spare bed, and had asked Bee to tuck her in. Bee thought it was silly, but was oddly charmed by it. She sat on the edge of Emilia’s bed, talking to her until she fell asleep.

“I’m so glad I get to travel with you like this, because you’re my favorite client and probably my favorite person. I love spending time with you so much.” Emilia’s eyes were glassy and unfocused, but she was smiling at Bee.

“But I’m your only client right now.” Bee said. It was true. Emilia still worked for a performance coaching company, but like most F1 drivers that used that company’s services, Bee had hired her exclusively, a necessity of her busy schedule.

“I had other clients before you hired me!” She said, “But none of them have been as nice! Or as pretty. You’re very pretty. Did you know that? You have such pretty dark hair. And your blue eyes. I noticed you and your dad have the same eyes. Is that weird that I noticed that?”

“No, it’s true, I do have his eyes.” Bee was trying not to blush. “You should go to sleep, though. We have a long week ahead, but we have some time to do a few fun things tomorrow. And we can get some real barbecue for lunch, just like you wanted.”

“Okay. Goodnight, liebes.” Emilia said, drifting off to sleep.

“Liebes?” Bee thought. 

It was a term of endearment in German - the same as calling someone “sweetheart”, “love”, or “honey”, in English. It was startling, and Bee wasn’t quite sure what to make of it, but decided to let it go - Emilia probably had no idea what she was saying.

Circuit of the Americas, Austin, Travis County, Texas, United States of America October 22nd, 2021

It was only Friday, and it had already been a long week for Bee. It had been a fun week, though. She and Emilia had explored a little bit of downtown Austin on Wednesday before Bee had any media or team obligations. Emilia had woken up only a little worse for the wear, but a barbecue lunch had fixed that. (“This is so good, and you get so much food with your order.” Bee had almost expected her to make a “this is why Americans are fat” joke like most Europeans would, but she passed on it.) 

Emilia had virtually no memory of returning to the hotel that night, and said she was surprised when she woke up in a room that wasn’t hers.

“So she doesn’t remember flirting with me, or whatever that was, I guess.” Bee thought. She was surprised at how disappointed it made her feel. It wasn’t possible that she was falling in love with her performance coach… was it?

On Wednesday, she’d filmed a few things for Williams’ social media channels, including the reveal for her special Austin GP helmet, and a challenge with George where he had to try to guess how American towns were pronounced. She also was scheduled out for a bunch of interviews and other videos with some American TV broadcasters, like ESPN - they had her and George do a basketball free throw challenge. Bee was never very good at basketball, but she did better than George did.

George had also made a special helmet for the Austin GP, that was cowboy-themed. It didn’t suit him at all, but Bee thought it was endearing. Bee’s helmet was a little more personal and didn’t have much to do with Texas at all, but she’d been planning it out forever and it was gratifying to see the final product. It was strange to see him - a buttoned-up, stereotypical posh Brit wearing a 10-gallon cowboy hat and shooting basketball free throws. 

She spotted Susie in the paddock before free practice, and was ecstatic. 

“I wasn’t actually sure if you were going to come to this race!” Bee said, giving her a hug.

“Well, surprise! I knew this was a big race for you, and I didn’t want to miss it. I didn’t get to see your first race, but I’ll get to see your first actual home race. I’m going to be in the Williams garage on Sunday, too!” 

“Oh, that’s fantastic!” Bee said. “My parents are here as well, they’ll be excited to see you. They’ll be in the paddock tomorrow.”

They chatted a bit longer, but Bee had to go to Free Practice. She really liked seeing Susie at races, but it seemed like they never got long enough to sit and talk before either one of them had to be running off to something. 

She headed over to her driver’s room, where Emilia had finished getting everything set up for the weekend and was ready to start Bee on her warmups. She had to change first, but then it was always usually the same routine - a little bit of light, in-place cardio work with resistance bands to get her heart rate up and blood moving, then some neck strength work, some reaction time work with a series of buttons that had lights that flashed in different colors on them. 

Then, Emilia always helped her with some assisted stretching, some breathing exercises, and some light massage to keep Bee relaxed and loose, if she needed it. Every driver had their own little ritual and routine, and this was simply what she found had worked for her. 

Finally, it was time for Bee’s first practice runs on the circuit. She hadn’t ever driven on it, and it looked like it was going to be a challenge. The track had a whopping 20 turns - most tracks had 10-13 of them, and ran anti-clockwise, which was the opposite direction of most tracks. Not only that, but the first corner off of the start/finish straight went up a steep hill, with a bump that could disrupt your braking, and you had to downshift very quickly into the turn. And that was all just on the first turn, never mind the rest of it. 

Plus, it was hot the morning of Free Practice 1, which would mean that Free Practice 2, in the afternoon, would be even hotter. The challenge was going to be tire management - keeping the tires cool and not letting them degrade, which would mean punctures. It was the end of October, but it was still Texas. 

Bee looked at the grandstands during her first out-lap - it was packed, already, even for a Free Practice session, which meant that the audience for qualifying and the race would be absolutely massive. The last time she was here, in Austin, they had to throw a Taylor Swift concert to entice people to come - it didn’t look like that would be necessary this year. 

Williams Racing YouTube Channel

Phoebe Stallard reveals her helmet design for the United States Grand Prix

91,307 views October 23rd, 2021

Transcript: Hi everyone! I’m Phoebe Stallard from Williams Racing, and I just want to talk about my helmet for the US Grand Prix this weekend. It’s my first US GP! I joined Formula 1 last year, but the 2020 US Grand Prix was canceled because of COVID-19. I’m the only American on the grid, other than honorary American Daniel Ricciardo. This is my home Grand Prix, and obviously, I had a special helmet made! I just wanted to talk through some of the details, because this helmet is really kind of… well, it’s deeply personal to me, and it’s probably my favorite custom design yet.

So, on the top, we have the emblem from the Dodge Super Bee, which was a classic muscle car made in the late 60’s by the Chrysler Corporation, one of the Big 3 car companies based in my home city of Detroit. It’s kind of been a… nickname for me for a long time? I think Danny Ricciardo is the one that started calling me that, and it caught on over the years with fans, and I always liked it, even if Danny started calling me that to tease me because I was so scrawny as a teenager. Plus, it’s kind of a tribute to my dad, who was the one that got me into racing in the first place. He started his career at Chrysler as an automotive engineer. I did make a subtle change to it, though, to make it a little more personal - the bee has a little ponytail coming out of her helmet.

And then on the right here, we have the iconic “Rosie the Riveter” poster from World War 2, with the classic “We Can Do It” text on the top. I always thought it was pretty inspiring, because it shows a woman doing what was traditionally considered men’s work, and racing used to be kind of considered a man’s world. On the bottom of her coveralls, I put the signatures of both Lella Lombardi and Susie Wolff, who are both women in racing that I am inspired by. 

Lella Lombardi was the first woman to ever earn a point in the Formula 1 series, and until Monza this year, she was also the only one to have a top six finish in a World Championship race. 

Susie Wolff, as most people know, was a test and development driver for Williams, and was the first woman to take part in a Grand Prix weekend in 22 years when she participated in Free Practice 1 the 2014 British Grand Prix. She’s basically been my mentor since I was in Formula Renault. She’s an inspiration for all women wanting to compete in motorsport - I literally do not think I would have made it to Formula 1 without her kind of… advice and guidance. She also founded the Dare to Be Different foundation that works to get more girls interested in motorsport, and I’m really happy to be an ambassador for the organization. I definitely would have been remiss if I didn’t put some sort of tribute to Susie on this helmet. 

On the back, we’ve got an image of the Spirit of Detroit statue. I am originally from the Detroit area, and this statue is right downtown on Woodward Avenue. It’s always kind of been an iconic symbol of Detroit, it’s a really important landmark, I’ve always really loved it. And there’s the motto of the City of Detroit on it - “Speramus Meliora” and “Resurget Cineribus”, which means “We Hope For Better Things / It Shall Rise From the Ashes”. Detroit is a tough city, but it’s a city that’s always kind of… been out to prove everyone wrong, you know? A lot of people wanted to write it off entirely a few years ago, when the auto industry went bust and the city itself had to declare bankruptcy, but it’s still there, and there’s so much going on there now, it’s great. I don’t make it home very much, but I’m always really proud to represent it.

On the left side, we have my number, number 50, on a field of red, white, and blue stars, because it’s America, right? Had to show a little patriotism for my first US GP. Plus, it matches the current Williams livery which is handy!

And then, under my visor, we have the letters J & J S, which is for my parents, John and Josephine Stallard, because they’ve always been really supportive of my racing career. My dad was the one that got me into karting, because he thought it was something we could do together - he was always my mechanic, because he’s an automotive engineer. He never really pushed me into it, he just introduced me to racing and I kind of fell in love with it on my own, but both my mom and dad were really supportive of it. 

My dad used to work for Chrysler, and we moved to Germany because of his job, but when we had the option to move back to the US, he took a job with Mercedes so we could stay in Germany because I liked karting, and it’s a lot easier to advance in Europe. So, my parents made a lot of sacrifices, living so far away from home, so we could stay in Europe so I could keep racing, so I had to put some sort of tribute to them on here, too. 

[f1]

The F1 team ready to sign Daniel Ricciardo for 2024 season

REVEALED: F1 team ready to sign Daniel Ricciardo for 2024 season as Oscar Piastri claims 12th spot in Australian Grand Prix practice session Haas could sign Daniel Ricciardo for 2024 Alpine looms as another option for Aussie Ricciardo currently a reserve driver for Red Bull Oscar Piastri will compete in Sunday's Grand Prix To be staged at iconic Albert Park in Melbourne  By Andrew Prentice For Daily Mail Australia Published: 01:45 EDT, 31 March 2023 | Updated: 01:45 EDT, 31 March 2023 Haas F1 boss Guenther Steiner has refused to rule out his team signing Daniel Ricciardo for the 2024 season. The 33-year-old won't be on the grid at Albert Park in Melbourne this weekend -  but his popularity with fans remains as strong as ever. Currently a reserve driver for Red Bull after he was released by McLaren, the Perth born star has this week expressed his desire to return in a car where he can regularly challenge for podium finishes. Ricciardo was replaced at McLaren by fellow Aussie, Melbourne raised Oscar Piastri.  Asked on Friday at the Australian Grand Prix whether he would pursue Ricciardo, Steiner confirmed Kevin Magnussen and Nico Hulkenberg will be given a chance to prove themselves for Haas before he entertains the possibility of looking at Ricciardo. Haas F1 boss Guenther Steiner has refused to rule out his team signing Daniel Ricciardo (pictured) for the 2024 season The development comes as fellow Aussie Oscar Piastri steered McLaren to 12th spot in a practice session on Friday ahead of Sunday's F1 Grand Prix at Albert Park in Melbourne 'It's a bit early to speak about a driver change already for next year so let's see what we are doing with these drivers (first),' he said. 'For sure at some point maybe I'll speak with him, but I cannot promise anything.' Steiner also believes Ricciardo won't be short of offers, with Alpine another looming option, especially if Frenchman Pierre Gasly doesn't excel.  Ricciardo is adamant he can rediscover his mojo and be a force next year - provided he is on the books of a title contender. 'To go back and to maybe put myself in any seat that's fighting at best for like a top 10 finish, I don't think it's going to bring the best out of me,' he told The Athletic. Meanwhile, Piastri steered his McLaren to 12th spot in a practice session on Friday. Red Bull's Max Verstappen (1:18.790) was fastest, followed by Mercedes ace Lewis Hamilton (1:19.223) and Red Bull's Sergio Perez (1:19.293). Verstappen (44 points) leads the F1 championship by one point from Perez, followed by Fernando Alonso (30 points), with Ferrari's Carlos Sainz and Hamilton both on 20 points. Share or comment on this article: The F1 team ready to sign Daniel Ricciardo for 2024 season via Formula One | Mail Online https://www.dailymail.co.uk?ns_mchannel=rss&ns_campaign=1490&ito=1490

[carwoodron]

caught ron in a funny frame. he said :p

[poohkeepsee]

I was going through my AO3 bookmarks, and I wanted to organize them a little bit. These are my Dean/Cas canon-ish fic recs.

season 5

canticles  by  2street2car Words: 10,311     Chapters: 1

“But you know something? If I couldn’t get you laid, at least I gave you a good first date.”feat: footsies at a Ruby Tuesday, stargazing, the recreation of an iconic "Dirty Dancing" scene (no, not that one—the other one), and practicing for When You're With A Girl.

FTBYAM MY BELOVED

post season 6

Someone Who's Feeling For Me  by  ellispark  Words: 45,876     Chapters: 1

Dean sees her for the first time in nearly six years in some no-name town in Idaho, and it's panic at first sight.

Lisa Braeden, the one woman Dean ever actually had a shot at a real life with, back from where he buried her in his mind. And her hand is on Cas's arm like it's no big deal, like it belongs there. Cas, Dean's dorky, sweet, badass, angelic best friend, and he's just standing there next to Lisa and not moving her hand away.

Dean feels the jealousy rising, and it's not directed where he expected it to be. Because it takes this exact moment for Dean to realize he's in love with his best friend. He's in love with his best friend, and Lisa is looking at Cas like he's the best thing since automatic rifles, and Dean is utterly fucked.

post bunker

Sun Can't Set Until Nine  by  LeverDrift Words: 67,939     Chapters: 16

Cas moves into the bunker as his powers start to fail. Dean doesn’t know if the arrangement is as permanent as he wants it to be. He's also not sure why he keeps dreaming about his friend. All he knows is that he wants Cas to stay. Overall warnings: canon-typical miscommunication & Dean having self-hatred issues.

Life Skills  by  ilovehowyouletmefall           Words: 26,052     Chapters: 3

After Metatron steals Castiel's grace, and Cas comes to live in the bunker, Dean spends a lot of time with him, sharing all of his favourite things. Dean can't help it if sharing things with Cas just makes everything better. Besides, it's Dean's job as Cas' friend to introduce him to the joys of human life. To teach him how to be human.  And if one of the experiences they end up sharing is sex with women, well... that's just part of Dean's job as Cas' friend too, right? The desire is triangulated, the rituals are intricate.

Sam Stole My Boyfriend  by  sobsicles    Words: 8,445     Chapters: 1

“Dude, you’ve been staring at me a lot lately, like even enough that Sam noticed. More than usual. So, like, what’s up?” Dean pauses, purses his lips and reconsiders. “What did I do?”

Cas knows that would be a perfect time to confess to Dean what exactly happened and what he was thinking. Maybe, Dean had some insight into the situation or even some kind of comfort to offer. But, the longer that he sat there, he realized that he could not tell Dean absolutely anything. So instead, for the first time, Cas fumbled.

“Um,” Cas mutters and abruptly stands. “Freckles?”

Dean blinked up at him as Cas pivoted and left the room. There was only one remaining option he had and unfortunately, it involved Sam.

Aching in the Absence of You  by  sobsicles Words: 95,090     Chapters: 10

Brittle and battle-worn, Cas looks at him over coffee one morning and says, "I need to go," and Dean instantly knows that he's not coming back.

He's not really sure how he knows it, but he does. It settles into the pit of his stomach, curling hot and tight like something he instinctively wants to tear out with his bare hands. He takes a breath, and it gets stuck in his throat, hitching there. It hurts, hurts, hurts when he finally exhales.

"Yeah," Dean says, "of course you do," and he nods jerkily as he looks down at his phone. He doesn't say goodbye. He doesn't look up from the screen when Cas gets up and leaves the room. He doesn't finish his coffee, or move for a long time.

By nightfall, Cas is gone.

'Communication'  by  JustAnotherSamlicker Words: 11,656

The same story told from two perspectives.

Dean bought a house and he and Cas fix it up.

Is Dean moving out? Is Cas moving in?

Should they just talk to each other already? (Yes they should)

Build a Home  by  domesticadventures Words: 20,102

After they save the world, Dean expects Cas to come back to the bunker with them.

He doesn't

season 10

The Most Important Thing  by  NorthernSparrow Words: 94,462     Chapters: 14

Jimmy Novak remembers nothing of the last six years. Reunited with his troubled daughter Claire, he's struggling to raise her on his own. The most important thing is to make Claire happy. But why does he keep having these dreams of wings, and of two men in a black car? (Canon-divergent from S10E11, when we first met Claire again and Dean was still struggling with the Mark of Cain. Takes places several months later).

season 12

Heroes for Ghosts  by  pantheon_of_discord Words: 42,922     Chapters: 7

Canon-divergent from 12.08

After Sam and Dean are arrested, Castiel is left alone and scrambling to find them. He knows they’re locked away in a government facility, and he’s still able to hear their prayers, but no matter how he tries Castiel can’t seem to track them. He chases leads and even attempts to hunt on his own, but Mary is AWOL, Crowley refuses to help, and Castiel’s options are running out.

Weeks pass, Castiel’s hope dwindles, and through it all Dean prays, keeping them connected. His voice is comforting, frustrating, and occasionally annoying, but in his solitude Castiel comes to cherish it. But then one day, without warning, Dean stops praying, and Castiel is forced to confront some uncomfortable truths about his feelings.

season 13

i want to do with you (what spring does with cherry trees)  by  sobsicles   Words: 74,173     Chapters: 8

Dean keeps going back.

When he arrives, it's always to blooming flowers and a windmill in the background, not too far from a brook, the sun painting the plains.

He likes it there. He likes to stand in front of the makeshift urn and check that it's still where he put it, switching out the flowers when they wilt. He likes to listen to the sound of birds chirping, insects singing, the faint sound of water trickling in the distance. He likes to turn his face up and feel the sun on his skin, wondering if Cas would do the same if he were here, somehow knowing that he would.

He likes to talk.

There's never a response, but Dean feels the breeze rustle through his hair and watches the flowers bob when bees come to them and stares as the windmill keeps turning, turning, turning. And he imagines that Cas is replying—the windmill is the tilted head, the bobbing flowers are a gentle smile, the breeze is whatever words Dean wants to hear at the time.

Sometimes, it's almost like he's there.

Trial and Tribulations of Raising a Nephilim  by  Sickandtiredofyou Words: 14,910   Chapters: 6

Dean has far too much on his plate, losing his mom, his best friend and now being a single parent to a newborn nephilim.

In which Jack is an actual newborn instead of a teenager.

post season 13

dumbassery, denial, doing (the three d's to the destination)  by  sobsicles           Words:     108,427     Chapters:     4

Freedom is just one adjustment after the next.

Cas hums again. "I think you already have. It's been months since everything settled. All that's left to do is...get used to it, and perhaps—" His voice stalls out, uncharacteristically, and his gaze roams Dean's face with intensity. When he speaks next, his tone is a little raw. "Perhaps what one does with peace is...whatever they want."

"What if I don't even know what that is?" Dean grumbles, arching an eyebrow in challenge. "'Cause I know damn well you don't just mean good food and a good bed and time in Baby, not simple wants like that. You mean—ya know, the big things, the wants we didn't get to have before."

"Yes," Cas agrees. "If you're not sure, figure it out."

"Easier said than done."

Reasons to read this:

Dean reads a story that ends like despair and his reaction is FUCK THAT

Cas wears Dean's hoodie

Jack is a toddler

The Jack and Claire sibling energy we deserve

Eileen being awesome and pulling pranks with Dean while Sam thinks she's an angel

Sam knows

YOUR HONOR THEY'RE IN LOVE

First Date  by  aeli_kindara Words: 8,968    Chapters: 1

“We should go on a date. You and me.”

Castiel wishes he could see Dean’s face. He wishes he had any idea what to say.

“I’m asking you out, Cas.”

Also known as the Dean Winchester makes the first move fic.

season 14

Broken Road  by  thegeminisage Words:     109,629     Chapters:     7

A 14.13 Lebanon rewrite. When Dean uses a wish-granting pearl to try and kill the archangel Michael before he can escape the cage in Dean's head, they instead wind up with a newly-resurrected John Winchester.

It's been more than a decade since John died, and a lot has changed: Mary is alive, Sam and Dean have what passes for a proper home in the Men of Letters Bunker, and they're living with angels. John doesn't know angels are real, he doesn't know about the fragile new relationship between Dean and Castiel, and most of all, he doesn't know that Dean said yes to Michael, or that Dean's plan to defeat Michael would send him to a fate worse than death.

Now Dean must contend with both his father asking questions he can't answer, and his loved ones learning about the darker truths of his childhood, all while constantly battling the archangel trapped inside him. But Dean coming to terms with his history may be the difference between this being the beginning of a journey—or the end.

post season 15

fools and pilgrims  by  lagaudiere Words: 31,904     Chapters: 2

Claire shows up at the bunker a day before Dean was planning to leave, with her hair cut short and a fresh tattoo on her left arm under a bandage. Chuck is dead, Jack has given up his godlike powers, and Cas is back from the Empty, which doesn't make it any easier for Dean to talk to him. Suddenly finding himself in a world without monsters, supernatural forces, or any need for hunters, Dean's solution is to go on a road trip. Claire tags along.

Dean-Claire mirror fic post Despair

what's missing is found (our souls can exhale now)  by  sobsicles Words: 27,403

It's not the first time Claire has ever gone missing. It is, however, the first time Kaia panics about it. Dean's dragged into the mess, but he soon finds that it's the best thing that could have happened to him.

canon(?) au  (Hunters and Men of Letters)

Dean Winchester's Secret (Angel) Boyfriend  by  reluctantabandon, Winter_of_our_Discontent Words: 11,191     Chapters: 1

Dean Winchester isn't exactly a team player. So when he starts mentioning a new Hunting partner, Ellen and Jo Harvelle aren't sure whether they should be worried or relieved.

But they're starting to get the feeling there's something important Dean's not telling them about Cas...

Shot Through The Heart  by  peanutbutterjelly-pie (Aleakim) Words: 11,191     Chapters: 1

Dean is a hunter.

Castiel is a Man of Letters.

And even though they have to work together on a regular basis, there is not much sympathy between them. Castiel thinks Dean too brash and reckless while Dean in return sees nothing more in the other man than a rude asshole with an obsessive love for books and a truly terrible fashion sense.

But fate clearly has a funny way of throwing those two together over and over again.

And somewhere along the way feelings change into something neither of them would have expected.

[postmodernmulticoloredcloak]

I would love for you to talk more indepth about the montage. To me it feels so off and weird. Almost like a parody? So many scenes in it are "funny" moments that just don't make sense in the context of an emotional overview of the road so far... (Like all the scenes where Dean is eating, Donna with donut dust on her face, Sam getting hit during the game show.) I don't know. Isn't the montage supposed to make me nostalgic, teary-eyed? This one definitely doesn't do it for me!

Here I am! Yes, I absolutely agree. The montage is Weird(TM). It’s kind of a tone rollercoaster. It’s very full of funny/silly moments, with some serious moments smacked in. And it definitely looks like... there’s something about it.

For an easier consultation I will reference the gifs I have made of the montage sequence here.

[Gif 1] It starts pretty much like I’d expect a Supernatural goodbye montage to start. The two brothers meeting for the first time in the pilot, a reminder of their childhood with John, their banter still from the pilot, a couple moments of them driving in the car in the first seasons, Dean saving Lucas in 1x03 which is the first Dean-heavy episode and also an extremely symbolic moment for Dean’s entire journey - just think at how Lucas as a mirror was still relevent during the “drowning” Michael possession arc. Everything feels normal so far. We’re starting from the beginning! Now--

[Gif 2] Interesting and weird choices start here. Them pretending to be high school teachers from After School Special 4x13 - actually a very iconic moment for the fandom, remember that post of Dean in shorts from that episode that you had to reblog when it came on your dash? (Actually I’m not sure if I ever reblogged it lol.) Dean celebrating getting young again from The Curious Case of Dean Winchester 5x07 (and Jensen showing off his agility). The two of them showing their FBI badges to Jesse Turner’s biological mother in 5x06. Dean mowing the lawn of Mary’s house in the Djinn dream and immediately after Jess and Sam kissing also in the Djinn dream, from What Is And What Should Never Be 2x20. Then Dean after killing the witch when he was under the memory loss spell, in Regarding Dean 12x11. Sam happy when they celebrate Christmas in A Very Supernatural Christmas 3x08. Them being “lucky” under the effect of the rabbit’s foot in Bad Day At Black Rock 3x03. Sam also happy in Baby 11x04.

Again the present, then the montage starts again with the water-related ghost from Red Sky At Morning 3x06, a Bela episode, and then Bela herself from her first episode, 3x03 again.

What do these moments have in common? Not all of them, but for many of them I’d say reality being manipulated. The Djinn dream, the rabbit foot, Dean’s aging, the Antichrist... and it’s not over yet. Also, them pretending to be teachers, agents etc - not “real”.

[Gif 3] The tone suddenly gets more serious and relevant to current events: Chuck in The Monster at the End of This Book 4x18 (eh). Death in Two Minutes to Midnight 5x21 (the first appearance of Death, while now we’ve had Billie’s last and a very short-lived new one), and then two major moments from Lazarus Rising - Dean emerging from the grave and finding the handprint on his shoulder. Crowley’s first episode, Abandon All Hope 5x10. Zachariah’s death in Point Of No Return 5x18. Anna from The Song Remains The Same 5x13, where she is the antagonist having been brainwashed successfully by heaven. Michael burning and Sam jumping in the cage with Michael in 5x22, then another moment from 4x01 (the brothers hugging after reuniting). A moment from The French Mistake 6x15 (reality fuckery again!). Sam in Frontierland 6x18.

[Gif 4] Reality fuckery continues with Becky marrying Sam in 7x08. Funnily enough, this is the peak of Becky’s obsessive behavior which she went to therapy for and grew away of - it definitely emphasizes how far Becky has come. Donna’s first appeance in 9x13. That iconic shot of Dean in Bloodlust 2x03 because he’s pretty. Charlie’s first appearance in 7x20 while she dances to Walking On Sunshine (relevant?), Kevin’s first appearance in 7x21 when he becomes a prophet (lots of firsts). Abaddon’s first appearance in As Time Goes By 8x12. Then there’s the first appearance of the bunker, in the next episode, a couple shots in fact. Then more 4x01, Ruby pretending to mistake Dean for the pizza man (eh). Then more present...

This section seems to be mostly “first appearances” - including Ruby’s s4 meatsuit, i.e. Genevieve’s first appearance.

[Gif 5] We suddenly jump to more recent events with Kelly and Jack in heaven in Byzanthium 4x08. Jack’s iconic hello from 4x16 Don’t Go In The Woods. Dean teaching Jack how to drive in 14x07 Unhuman Nature. But then we suddenly go from Jack things to something completely different on the surface: two consecutive moments from Changing Channels 5x08, including the iconic Nutcracker scene, and Sully from Just My Imagination. We are actually back to the previous theme: reality fuckery. Gabriel’s episode was about placing them in “television shows”, Sully, while real, is literally a child’s “imaginary friend”. And then... a moment from the cartoon part of Scoobynatural! It doesn’t get more reality fuckery than that. Oh, wait! Charlie and Dorothy going to Oz in 9x04. That’s a pretty strong contender. Dean being hit in the face by a fairy in 6x09 - also about a realm Dean briefly went to. And, in case we felt like we hadn’t gotten enough 4x01 yet, Pamela’s first appearance (her last, albeit a hallucination, was about the whole “How come you only want what you can't have?” thing).

[Gif 6] We continue again with a mixture of firsts and weird things. Ellen’s first appearance in 2x02, Dean and Cas in 4x18 (we saw Chuck from that episode earlier), Jody’s first appearance in 5x15 Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid. Rufus in 6x04 Weekend At Bobby’s (not his first but a good episode...), Garth in 9x12 Sharp Teeth (not his first but the first in which he is a werewolf and is married... relevant to recent lamp events??), Missouri in 1x09 (her first appearance).

Then Gabriel from 13x21 Beat The Devil (an episode where he plays a trick on Lucifer) and Rowena from the same scene (in fact a scene where they’re flirting).  Then Eileen coming back to life in 15x06 and smiling at Sam. Jo flirting with Dean in 2x02 - her first appearance, again. Funnily enough, she had been introduced as a love interest, but ended up being repurposed as a sisterly figure. Tempted to say it’s relevant in an ironic way. Mary in 14x11 Damaged Goods, when Dean has a goodbye mother-son moment with her. Amara in 11x09 Oh Brother Where Art Thou when she was looking for her brother. Then Lucifer in two different vessels (12x07 Rock Never Dies and 12x21, when Lucifer regains control over the vessel).

Then Metatron doing the find a wife make babies speech to Cas in 8x23! Relevant??? Dun dun dun. Then Ketch for some reason (the first episode where we see his face, 12x08 LOTUS).

[Gif 7] Then Jo/Anael in 13x13, another first appearance. (I cropped these horribly I should have cut them when the present happens lol.)

Sandwiched between two shots from the present, Dean Sam Mary and John having dinner together in 14x13 Lebanon.

Then we start again with Dean riding Larry in 12x11, Dean and Cas dressed as cowboys in 13x06 (mini pattern here...), Asmodeus with the archangel blade in 13x13 (insert meta about Asmodeus in Christian lore here), and the really intriguing “Intermission” shot from the play in 10x05.

[Gif 8] To continue a certain pattern we might be tempted to see, Dean eating piecake from 14x06 Optimism (an episode about a distorted version of romantic love), then Dean eating noodles from 10x13 Halt & Catch Fire (the ghost is a husband that passes on thanks to his wife). Dean after his dentistry session with Garth in 15x10. Meg from 6x10 Caged Heat (the episode with the pizza man porn). Dean and Sam investigating in 4x12 Criss Angel Is a Douchebag (an episode about growing old poorly). Crowley in 10x16 Paint It Black (that episode). Dean playing that game in 14x17 Game Night (the episode Cas calls for God, and when Mary dies - the one playing the game was God...). Sam and Dean getting out of the car in 13x05 when they visit the traumatized kid (peak mourning Dean episode...). Then we go into reality fuckery territory again with 14x15 Peace of Mind, Sam under the psychic’s control and Cas disgruntled about it.

[Gif 9] Mick Davies from 12x16 Ladies Drink Free, when he learnt a lesson about monsters. Dean geeking out about the Hatchet Man - so heavy with mirror significances - in 14x04 Mint Condition. Belphegor - Jack’s dark mirror - in 15x03 The Rupture, the break-up episode. Donna’s first episode again, this time Dean and she eating donuts. Dean, Sam and Mary hugging in 12x22 after the confrontation in Mary’s head. Kaia in 13x09 The Bad Place, when Jack uses her to find the way to where Mary is (Mary pattern?). Claire&co rescuing Jody and Donna in 13x10 Wayward Sisters. Dean in 1944 dresses as a sailor in 11x14 The Vessel. Baby nyooming in 15x11 The Gamblers...

Aaand more Changing Channels, the genital herpes ad. It’s almost like reality fuckery is a theme. Followed by Sam drinking the anti-cold concoction at Garth’s in 15x10 and the two of them outside the monster fighting pit in the same episode. Then Cas, Dean, Sam and Jack on a video call with Ketch in 14x09 The Spear when they talk about the egg to trap Michael.

[Gif 10] We stay in the same episode with the four of them heading to Michael. Then the four of them celebrating Jack’s return to life (after Cas’ deal with the Empty). More present, and then the iconic “we’ve got work to do” [trunk closes] moment from the pilot.

So: some of these moments seem like genuine moments you’ll want to put in a montage, but there’s a weird predominance of characters smiling and looking happy or goofy. It’s kind of... not exactly representative of the show as a whole, you know? There are moments that fit as, you know, iconic steps in the story, but surprisingly few, and many moments you’d expect to be in a “final” montage are blatantly not there. Several moments with, let’s put it like this, suspicious meta connotations. Moments that, well, we don’t know what happens in the finale yet, but smell like they might be relevant to future developments. (Metatron’s speech to newly human Cas anyone?)

What really strikes me is the amount of moments connected to reality being manipulated or distorted in some way. Lots of Changing Channels, fantasy elements of various kinds (the Djinn dream, Scoobynatural, Oz, the imaginary friend Becky’s wedding to Sam, the fairy, ...), them acquiring luck (s3) or losing it (s15), and so on. It’s almost like the sequence is telling us something...

Thoughts?

[needletail]

Nintendogs vs Nintendogs + Cats: a review and comparison.

There’s no doubt that most people want a new Nintendogs game for the Nintendo Switch. But when I see these posts, very few of them are referencing the 3ds variant of the game, but rather the original ds version that everyone continues to know and love.

The addition of cats is Nintendogs + Cats’ most notable feature. It was, while cute and fun for a short period of time, notably worse than its predecessor. But why is that? The formula stayed roughly the same, but the charm didn’t quite hit.

Before we dive into this: these are my opinions on the games, and personal comparisons. Every person experiences things differently, and will likely have different opinions.

We can start with breaking down the original Nintendogs. The graphics have not aged well, but the charm and entertainment factor have. While replaying, I found that the general ambience and the music used endeared me further to the game, and I wanted to play more. The half hour timer on going for walks was frustrating (as was the stamina system), but it otherwise engaged me more to figure out where I wanted to go. The map feels surprisingly big with so much to do, and the side-scrolling walk screen keeps the mystery alive in what you’ll encounter. The competitions were fun and the voice recognition system may have been even better than the 3ds incarnation. The only thing that really suffered were the graphics - but this game is 15 years old and this was advanced for its time, so we can let that slide. The dogs can be a little strange to look at at times, but they’re expressive and distinct, which is what matters in a pet simulator.

The information you can take in is optional, but an exciting part of the game for those who are interested. Your dog’s profile is detailed but easy to understand, going as far as to tell you what it ate last. There’s something so charming about it being displayed as if it were a document you had in front of you - it brings another element of immersion into this sim.

[Image ID: a photograph of the informational sheet on Nintendogs. It includes the name, gender, breed, trainer, time together, coat, hunger, thirst, and things eaten. The trick list and contest results are also on this screen.] 

From cars passing by to horns in the distance and dog barks from somewhere vaguely nearby, the sound design of Nintendogs is audibly aged, but still strong. The few tracks spread in the game are iconic, and stay in my head a lot longer than I’d like to admit. 

The competitions are another huge highlight of the original nintendogs. The banter between the hosts, Ted and Archie, is something that continues to be remembered. Everyone’s seen the line “you make me feel like a man, Archie”, and the banter they keep up in each competition is less like a mindless tapping chore and just more entertainment. The settings are surprisingly realistic - less so on the obedience, but the ring set up for agility certainly is. The balance between realism and fun is another part of why Nintendogs appealed to all audiences. 

Agility is my personal favourite event, and the same goes for a lot of people I’ve met. There’s a level of interactivity here that isn’t met by the successor (something we’ll touch on later). Guiding your dog over hurdles and through tunnels, and later having to balance speed with accuracy - it’s an event that keeps you, the player, engaged. It becomes a sort of fine art once you hit the Championship level, as your dog, by that point, is likely going to be very fast and have a mind of its own, often trying to predict which obstacles it’s going to go through. 

[Image ID: an angled photograph of the starter agility training course. The dog is laying on the green, and the hurdles and tunnels are in view.] 

Disc is in both versions, and is fun in its own way. I, personally, don’t tend to use the disc competition - in the original Nintendogs, the projectiles can be a little speedier than you intend them to be, and the dogs are a little too determined to hold onto their toys. But, with a well-trained dog, this event can be as fun as anything else. In the original, you didn’t have to contend with the other dogs - something that I’ve grown to appreciate over the years. But, like with the event that removed Agility, I’ll be looking at how the changes fared later. 

Obedience is held on a stage, and is a fun event for people who take the time to train their dogs. Your dog can typically learn three or four tricks a day (depending on the dog), and between the tricks listed in the Obedience Guide Book and the unlisted tricks that your dog can learn, you can usually blow the competition out of the park. It definitely requires the most time and effort out of all of the events, and it can be frustrating if your dog suddenly stops listening - but the rewards are surprisingly good. It’s always fun to have a well-trained Nintendog, if only because showing them off when I was a child was my favourite thing to do. 

Obviously, competitions are the main money-makers in these games. Tackle a solid few of them, and you’ll find yourself able to afford another dog or two. Though your room is limited to three dogs, there’s also a Hotel to keep some other dogs in. As time progresses and you gain more of a bond with your dog(s), you’ll unlock more breeds. 

Something that went over my head when I was a child was the method to unlock Jack Russells, specifically. You need to find an incredibly rare book - something which I don’t ever recall doing, and still haven’t. I found this information via the wikia, so I’m not too sure how accurate is, but it is an interesting breed to lock behind a time and patience-based method. 

[Image ID: an angled image of a German Shepherd laying on its side. In the corner is an idea bubble.] 

Overall, Nintendogs is a solid and fun pet simulator, and it’s clear why so many people have such good memories. The dogs are filled with personality (even being expressive enough to show you when they’re angry vs happy), the competitions are engaging, and though the format will become stale after playing daily for a long time, it’s always a fun game to come back to after a period of time. 

Which is why it’s unsurprisingly that it gained a sequel.

I remember being ecstatic when Nintendogs + Cats was shown in advertisements on television. When I got the 3ds, I also got a copy of Nintendogs + Cats. The Golden Retriever version, specifically, but I do own all three. For some reason? As people got bored with it, they usually gifted me them. 

At first blush, it’s almost as charming as the original. The graphics style handles much better than the original, with slightly more realistic movements, and less cardboard-y models. I much prefer the Nintendogs + Cats models to the originals, for obvious reasons - though their movements can be a little repetitive and strange at times, and a lot less expressive than the originals. But that said, I much prefer the Kennel system of petting and exploring the dogs and their behaviours (limited as they are) before you adopt, and I enjoy sorting through colours or getting unique colours/patterns. The rare white variants used to be my obsession, as a child. 

[Image ID: a german shepherd holding a present in Nintendogs + Cats. The model is significantly better than the original Nintendogs model.] 

Immediately, though, there’s a lot less ambience in Nintendogs + Cats. I play with my volume up all the way, and it’s typically just my dogs and cat making noises. I miss the cars going by and the general background noise that the game can provide. It feels just a little too silent, and the music tracks are repetitive and unmemorable for the most part. Obviously sound design don’t make or break the game, so I won’t harp on this point for too long. 

The gameplay is...fine? I’m not a fan of petting a shadow of my dog, but I understand they did that for 3D purposes (something which most people didn’t use, to the point that the 2DS was made. I play on a 2DS). The camera control is an incredibly nice feature to have, the showering minigame is a little more thorough. They didn’t really add anything to the care features, though. If anything, they took away a lot of experiences - reading the care books and instead guiding you through the tricks one by one instead of as you want, forcing you to learn a specific set of tricks before you can move on to the next ones. The game is far more hand-holdy, which can be frustrating at multiple points. But, hey. There’s cats! Let’s talk about the cats. 

What’s their purpose? Not much. Which is fine, although they take up a slot in your three-pet designation. As cute as the cats are, they definitely got done dirty. There’s three selections to choose from (Standard, Oriental, and Long-hair), with multiple colours, but not much depth beyond that. Obviously, the cats were just a cute addition - I do like having my little cat wandering around the house with my two dogs, and I know from past experiences that once you bond with the cat, it’ll go out and get presents for you if you leave your ds on. Gaining affection with the cats is very slow-going and if you’re someone who likes your pet simulations to be more interactive, it might be wiser to stick with the dogs. I’m not complaining against the addition of cats - it just could’ve been done much smoother, with better mechanics enabled. Be it adding some breeds and a proper grooming minigame to maintain them, or the ability to train them but have them be much harder than the dogs. There were many ways to put cats into the game, and I just don’t think they hit as intended. 

So, how did they do with the competitions? Well. 

The short answer: they’re pretty bland, and a downgrade from the original.  The long answer... 

[Image ID: a white cocker spaniel chewing on a banana lure.] 

In the competitions, there’s no more Ted/Archie banter. It’s just Ted. Doing his thing. I honestly do not read the text for this game, and instead tap quickly to progress to the events. 

Replacing Agility comes Lure Coursing. I’m not sure about other countries, but that’s an incredibly niche section of dog sporting here, and it’s also notorious for being...very boring. And in the game, it lives up to that. Instead of guiding your dog through obstacles, you wind the cog of a lure and honk it to get the dog to follow it. Sometimes you honk it to get them over hurdles. I have to admit, I usually space out when I’m training my dogs with this - it’s an easy moneymaker once you’ve trained them up to Nintendogs Cup level, but it’s easily the most mind-numbing event. Anything would’ve been better. If they didn’t want to implement Agility, there are other dog sports that could’ve suited well; guiding your dog through the Flyball course and using its name to bring it back until it could do it on command (maybe even utilising a team of three, for reason as to why you can have up to three dogs), or sledding, using your dog to pull a lightweight sled (on wheels) through a course in a race against other dogs (or, again, even using your trio). There could have even been scenting sport in which you teach your dog how to scent and go off to find a mark, or herding. The point is: lure coursing is the most unengaging thing to put in a game. 

The Disc competition barely changes, so I won’t say much. I don’t particularly enjoy having the other dogs in the ring to compete with as it becomes all too easy for them to interfere heavily with your own dog, but I understand why it was implemented and know that a lot of people enjoy it. I prefer the throwing speed and the control you can have over the disc, and will admit that overall, the Disc competition is generally improved. 

But then you come to the Obedience Trial. AR Cards are mandatory. You don’t have a surface to put your AR Cards on, or lost them years ago? Then you can’t do it. I actually ordered AR Cards, having thrown out my old ones due to damages and general...lack of use. As of this post, I have been unable to play the Obedience Trial, so I can’t say much on whether the system has improved. I do know that AR Cards can work on a laptop screen or something similar, but the 3ds camera is pretty horrible and can glitch out, making it unreliable for screen-based AR cards. Unfortunately. 

[Image ID: a white cocker spaniel standing on an AR Card.]

The walking system is fine. I love being able to go to different routes (as limited as they can be - but the original was no saint to repetitiveness once you knew the whole map), and I like having to go between grass patches, with a chance for a surprise present. I think the addition of the BARC stores are a cute touch, and the Miis walking their own dogs are cute, too. The interactions between your dog and theirs is based on your dog’s personality as well as theirs, which makes sense - but there’s basically three outcomes. More than the original, but meeting with other dogs tends to be to see if you can backtrack when you’re near the end of the walk by having them invite you to the cafe or park, or to get presents from Streetpass miis. I like the cone minigame to test your control over the dog and its leash, and as a rule, I just...like it. It’s relaxing. I don’t prefer it over the original, but I don’t prefer the original over it. They both have their benefits and downfalls. The biggest upside to + Cats’ system is that you can take your dog on as many walks as you want. 

Interactivity isn’t really a thing, with + Cats. Whereas in the original you could legitimately piss off your dog and it would bark and snarl at you for a while before you regained its trust, this game doesn’t punish you for much. I poked and prodded at my dog for a while, and it didn’t really do much for me. This is a game where you sort of just have cute looking models that hold up surprisingly well for their time, and that’s it. There’s not much game to the game, as it were - and that’s from a game where the gameplay was limited as it was. 

Adding multiple accessories to your pets is a very nice addition, albeit expected. Overall, though, the gameplay has been significantly dumbed down and while I understand that kids play it, my generation played Nintendogs as small children and we got by just fine. It’s a very intuitive game, and it’s almost insulting how little Nintendogs + Cats thinks of its audience. 

Another nice addition to Nintendogs + Cats, though, is body type for your pets. There’s a few that your pet can be: underfed, skinny, optimal, plump, and overfed. I usually have optimal dogs, but apparently plump and overfed dogs run slower and as such they do poorer in competitions, which is a pretty neat feature to have in-game. 

In the short of it, Nintendogs + Cats is fine, but Nintendogs (the original) is Good. I have a lot more nostalgia for Nintendogs which may cloud my opinion, but playing it in 2020 is still fun, and I’m especially happy to play the Agility competition.

For an interactive pet simulator with fun competitions and plenty to do, Nintendogs is the way to go.  For a pretty enough game with simplistic gameplay, Nintendogs + Cats is the way to go. 

Both games have their perks, but I certainly have a clear favourite. If a Switch edition of Nintendogs ever happened, I’d much prefer the original style with some of the quality of life changes made in the successor. In the end, it’s all up to what you’re looking for in a game - but as someone who’s looking for a fun time, I’m a sucker for the originals. 

(Note: I have not played the knock-off Nintendogs for Switch, and would appreciate input on if it’s worth buying or not. Reviews are poor at best, as far as I can tell, though.) 

[tfw-no-tennis]

animorphssss.....2!

ok one L abt reading the series on my ereader is that the flipbook illustrations arent there ;_; those were my favvvvv

anyways I love animorphs still

I feel like I'll end up repeating myself a lot during these little liveblogs lmao but mannnn it’s so good. its so hardcore. like I know that that’s the whole Thing but I still get shocked by some of the stuff that happens 

like a big theme in the series centers around the morality of killing your enemies - and it’s so all over the place bc in book 6 you have jake boiling a bunch of yeerks alive, which is kinda gnarly if you think abt it, but the alternative would be to leave them there and let them infest people soo...? and that’s basically the point, that there are never any easy choices in war 

also I went on the animorphs wiki to look at trivia bc I love doing that and I cant BELIEVE (some of) the books were reissued in 2011 and they changed/removed some of the references to be more ‘modern’ omfg....talk about erasing 90s culture smh 

likeeee I was born in 97 so I didn't exactly grow up in the 90s and therefore some of the references go over my head but its so charming and fun to have them there! and it makes sense given that the books are SET in the 90s

I don't remember ever being confused by any of the references as a kid (tho for sure a lot of them went over my head), but then again I read the books in like 2008 sooo

also some of the stuff that they change - like changing ‘recorded w/a vcr’ to ‘recorded w/the TV’ or ‘floppy disc’ to ‘flash drive’ may make more sense to modern audiences, but doesn't make sense in the context of the story still being set in the 90s

tho it is funny that the books use the phrase ‘hook up’ to mean ‘meet up’ a lot bc that is a phrase that definitely has a different meaning nowadays

alsooooo as it turns out I'm p sure I only read a couple of the spinoffs - the hork-bajir chronicles and the ellimist chronicles (which was confusing lmao), bc my library didn’t have the others :( 2007/2008 woes....

but now I get to read the spinoffs woooooooo so I read the first megamorphs and the andalite chronicles 

I'm reading them in the chronological order (I think?) which is good bc part of the problem was that I read the ellimist book at a completely weird time and it confused me more lmao

megamorphs 1 basically felt like a regular animorphs book except longer, but the plot didn't feel like it needed all that extra page space tbh? even so it was an entertaining adventure

and rachel having amnesia was great, amnesia is one of my fav tropes lmao. and it was a lot of fun here, though a bit underutilized 

another favorite trope of mine is time travel, so I'm gonna have a really fun time here w/that

as for the andalite chronicles, I really enjoyed that one. I thought it was a well done story about the horrors of war (which is a theme animorphs does excellently), kind of similar to the overarching story of the whole series, but fit into one book without feeling rushed

the way the story starts out with elfangor wanting to be a hero, not understanding what that entails, to the end where he IS going to be a hero, and he knows now that this is a burden rather than a reward 

the horror elements are also really strong, with the taxxon morph being horrifying of course

and mannnn I loved that we got to see more of the taxxons as a species, and see that not all taxxons submitted to the yeerks - which breaks the previous theme of ‘all the taxxons are evil just because’ 

this book also establishes that the taxxons gave themselves over to the yeerks due to their constant hunger being unbearable, so it isn’t just that they’re evil for fun 

animorphs does such an excellent job showing that each ‘side’ of a war will have good and bad (or at least sympathetic and unsympathetic) people 

also loren was awesome, what a cool character. though I didn't realize she was literally like 13 until the very end of the book, holy shit. that's crazy. i thought she was 16 at the youngest....geez. her throwing a rock at visser 3 is even more iconic knowing she's a middle schooler at the time

and chapman was here! I'm assuming this must be the same chapman as the assistant principal controller... I thought it was a little strange to put chapman in that role, bc in this book he was a huge asshole basically the entire time, but in the previous (’future’) book it was revealed that he became a controller willingly only to spare his daughter, which is pretty far from this book where he’s actively trying to sell humanity out to the yeerks...people change I guess? (also he got his memory erased so I guess there's that)

alloran was a really interesting character. horrors of war again - we hear from his old buddy that he used to be a fun, witty guy, but war changed him into somebody who would do horrible things 

and him becoming a controller was horrifying, obviously, but I like that alloran wasn't portrayed as some perfect, holy guy in order to make it all the more tragic when he got infested. its already fucked up enough as it is, and making him flawed was a lot more meaningful 

and him wanting to flush all the yeerks out into space....oooooof the (later) parallels hurt 

plus the fact that elfangor refusing to commit genocide against the helpless yeerks (even though they’re the enemy) directly contributing to alloran becoming a controller.....oof. I love that it shows that even making the morally correct decisions during war can lead to awful things happening, but not in a way that endorses evil actions - the story isn’t saying that elfangor should have killed the yeerks, it’s saying that there are no good choices in war 

arbron being trapped as a taxxon was fucked up. but also really intriguing, especially how he found purpose and led a free taxxon uprising. I don't remember if we hear from him/the free taxxons again but I hope so

also the plot twist of tobias being elfangors SON...bruh. I do remember that despite not having read this book so it must come up in the main story later but my memory of that is vauge so I’m excited to see how that plays out. it’s always gonna be hilarious to me that ax is technically tobias’s uncle 

and then the ellimist drops in and wacks up the time stream even more. classic. I love the crazy time travel stuff in animorphs

omfg and the bits where elfangor is a human tech guy and talked about his friends bill and steve LMAOOOOO

also the scene where elfangor drives the yellow mustang while blasting '(I cant get no) satisfaction’ by the rolling stones was one of the most iconic things I've ever read

basically I loved all the angles of war fucking people up. from loren’s dad, to alloran, to elfangor himself learning about the true horrors of war...v well done imo

ok back to the main series - so my pick for the most fucked up scene SO FAR (in my own personal opinion) - the scene where they're in the jungle and rachel passes out in bear morph and a bunch of rainforest ants start EATING HER ALIVE and like crawling into her ears and mouth and HGGGGGG that was genuinely so fucking disturbing

its a good thing that the time travel made it so rachel couldn't remember that bc that was fuuuuucked

another contender is a scene we don't actually see - erek having his capacity for violence instated and then slaughtering a ton of human and hork-bajir controllers 

like damn, you know its fucked up when its too fucked up for ANIMORPHS to even ‘show.’ this is a series that doesn't pull punches but evidentially that would've been Too Much to actually portray (understandably). also i feel like seeing the aftermath/everyone’s reactions had more of an impact than describing erek killing a bunch of people would have

also I forgot that marco Literally Fucking Dies during that scene and that's why he doesn't get to see the slaughter. wow

and then in the very next book JAKE dies too. jesus

oh it was also so sad and fucked up when marco’s dad told him that he and his wife used to fight sometimes, but then all of a sudden they stopped fighting, and their relationship was basically entirely peaceful and perfect - and this is how marco knows exactly when his mom was made into a controller, bc of course a yeerk wouldn't care enough to get into petty arguments like that....ooooof

Okay and book 15 really got me...that was fucking heavy man. Geeeez. Everything w/Marco and his mom is so fucked uppppp

Like he literally has to deal with so much awful traumatizing shit. The scene where he pretends to be a controller and is face to face w/visser one and THAT HIS MOM but he can’t even do anything, and he just sees the evil in her eyes and thinks about how there’s no way she had been controlled by a yeerk that long before bc he’s never seen her look like that...that was so fucking sad.

Plus Marcos mom now thinking that Marco is a controller...aughh...and then later Marco knows he can’t even think-speak to her bc he’ll just talk about everything he’s wanted to talk about to his mom this whole time... ;_;

And the parts where Marcos humor slips and the utter rage he feels towards the situation comes through...man

Plus everything about him being understandably afraid of sharks after being nearly torn in half by one back during their first dolphin adventure

Augh oh and jake telling Marco that everyone can tell something is up bc Marco isn’t joking around and talking about how insane their plan is like usual, so Marco fakes it sand does all that even tho he’s terrified and conflicted...aughhhh

Ok and the last scene where Marco is thinking about a future where he and his parents can talk plainly about how awful and traumatizing everything is, and then eventually they’ll feel okay enough to joke about it, bc Marcos mom is the one who taught him to look at the funny side of life...Oh The Pain

There were a lot of great fucked up individual lines in this book too. I’m just so sad about these poor middle schoolers jfc

Also I do distinctly remember the scene where they collapse the shark tank at Ocean World or w/e, it was weird af reading it bc I remembered none of the rest of the book but got weird deja vu reading that scene and remembering having read it like 13+ years ago

if it’s not clear by now I have a pretty terrible memory for media which is honestly good bc then I can reread things and it’s like new

Also jake...man...I said it previously but I was kinda eh about jake when I first read these bc he’s kinda the ‘basic’ character, but now I find his story much more interesting

His conflict over being leader is really good. KAA does a fantastic job capturing the pressure he’s under bc he was chosen by his friends to be the leader, so he REALLY can’t back out, and he doesn’t necessarily feel up to it, but feels he has no choice in the matter...

And constantly having to make really difficult decisions that could get his friends killed...geez. It’s so much pressure. And he talks about wanting to go back to being a normal kid when this is all over, and it kinda strikes me as him being in denial - like, there’s no way things can ever be ‘normal’ again, but that’s his way of coping.

Especially with Tom and all that. That conflict is so compelling...jake having to play all these different roles - as leader, as a son/student, as a regular brother to Tom - he’s constantly having to act a certain way and rarely gets to be Himself

It’s actually kinda relatable in a way - that feeling of being In Charge, but in a somewhat abstract and informal way, so you feel like regular old you, but you have to carefully regulate how you act bc the people around you expect a certain standard of behavior from you...

And all the morally grey situations they’re put in are fucked up, but especially for jake who has the final say on what they do, even when knowing it could lead to his friends being killed or made into controllers

Like in the book with the cannibal yeerk guy - there’s basically no good choices there. Jake lets the cannibal live, and (at first) implies that it’s for the best that he’s cannibalizing other yeerks and therefore helping get rid of some yeerks - except that he kills their hosts too

but the alternative would be to directly kill another human being who isn't actively fighting/resisting you, which is a fucked up thing for a middle schooler to have to do 

And the conflict between jake and Cassie is really excellent bc jake has to make these awful decisions, and Cassie is the type of person who can’t stand that sort of thing, so it gets left up to jake a lot, but then she’s upset with jake for doing something awful, even while knowing that there were no better options

like, her asking jake to kill the cannibal guy for her was really fucked up, but also entirely understandable for cassie as a character to ask. it was an emotionally charged situation, and cassie is an emotional person. she’s also somebody who like to Act, to do concrete good, and getting rid of an Evil Bad Guy in front of her would be a definite action

But Cassie is a great source of morality to the group - most of them are pretty jaded, but Cassie is able to hope in a way none of the rest are. It creates a really compelling dynamic between jake and Cassie that I kinda dismissed when I was like 10 or w/e

Also the scene where jake as a fly gets crushed and starts dying? Seriously fucked. And then after when he’s nearly breaking down in the airport and Cassie comforts him...that was a really good scene. Cassie is so good  

And the continuity is so excellent - I love how in book 17, Cassie (and jake to an extent) doesn’t really weigh in on the moral debate abt the oatmeal bc she’s still shaken up by asking jake to murder a guy for her, and then (presumably) going ahead and lighting his house on fire when jake doesn’t kill him

And augh jake and Marco have such a good and interesting dynamic - the entire group kinda pushes each other into their respective ‘roles’ in the group, but for a few books that’s really true for jake and marco

I don't remember what book it was but at some point marco (I think) mentions that jake understands what marco is dealing with w/his mom being a controller bc of tom, but that they don’t talk about it bc they ‘don't talk about stuff like that’ or something and I'm just like noooo talk to each other :( 

but at this point jake feels like he can’t really express doubt and fear and stuff like that bc he’s the Leader and they look to him to be strong (which is ironically very similar to how rachel feels), and marco feels like he can’t be serious bc he’s the funny guy. 

Basically I love all the different dynamics in the group. How Cassie and Rachel are such opposites but are best friends and get along well, while Marco and Cassie are more directly opposed - as jake says, Marco is ruthless, and Cassie definitely isn’t. Rachel and Marco are also pretty different which is interesting, bc they have a lot in common, and actually agree on a lot (even if they disagree out loud) but their commonalities combined with their circumstances make them react very differently to the same situations

I also love seeing the differences between characters from each other’s POV - like, p much all the characters think that Rachel is completely fearless, but when the book is from her POV, we get to see that that isn’t true at all - she feels plenty of fear, but she recognizes that her role in the group is to be the fearless one, so she pushes aside her fear to fit into that role (which inadvertently pushes her more and more into that ‘fearless warrior’ box - something that happens to all the characters more and more as the story goes on, like jake as ‘the leader’ and Marco as ‘the jokester’).

Also I loooove the grey morality of literally everything. Like the book where ax discovers an andalite traitor - not a controller, just an andalite who betrayed them to the yeerks. This leads to the deaths of like a hundred other andalites, and that whole scene you really just feel for ax, bc he feels so awful about everyone else dying while he escapes, yet he’s also so grateful to be alive, which he in turn feels bad about...

And ax’s conflict about being torn between his home w/his fellow andalites and his new home on earth w/his friends is great

And oh man I fucking love book 19. Any of the books where it goes more into the yeerks and their side of things are so good, just like the book where jake was made into a controller.

And book 19, where we meet a sympathetic yeerk, comes right after 18, where we meet an andalite traitor - again, I love how we clearly see that no one side is completely good or completely bad

So yeah book 19 fucking slapped. That shit was so compelling. I love how Cassie made a bunch of foolish decisions based on naïve hope, but it worked out!! Things aren’t always bleak and awful!

Except there were plenty bleak and awful parts of this book. It had a great balance of moods tbh, even though a lot of the situations were extremely contrived lmao. I love the stuff that aftran says, which is basically what I was thinking when I started my reread - being a yeerk fucking sucks, you’re literally a blind slug but also completely and fully sentient, on the same level as humans and andalites - and as afran pointed out this book, the yeerks are born as parasites, just as humans are born as predators - why is it okay for the humans to kill countless animals to eat, but not for the yeerks to enslave races to act as hosts? Well, the situation isn’t totally comparable, which Cassie and Marco both point out when aftran makes that comparison - the yeerks are enslaving sentient species, and cows and chickens are not the same as the humans and hork-bajir (though the story understandably doesn’t fall too deeply into the ‘who deserves what right/animal sentience’ rabbit hole).

And I like that aftran points out that the yeerks basically have 2 options currently - stay helpless and blind in a yeerk pool, or enslave a host. It’s interesting to hear that a lot of yeerks don’t like doing this but see it as the only options, as opposed to complete sensory deprivation. It makes me wonder if there are yeerks who are so staunchly against it that they elect to stay as pool-bound slugs forever

Also maybe it’s the shounen anime fan in me but I don’t even care that much that Cassie’s entire plan was completely off the rails and hinged on only the slightest chance of success - with failure being much more likely and completely catastrophic, with the animorphs and their loved ones all being wiped out, vs success being unlikely and also achieving...a moral victory? Peace between two enemy combatants in a huge war? nothing all that concrete...anyways it was a bunch of good-faith horrible decisions on Cassie’s part, but I don’t even care? I love stories where hope and love save the day against all odds, especially when they’re wielded like weapons by a character and make everything end nicely

This is especially true here bc animorphs is generally a series that leans very far away from that type of thing, so when it does happen, it feels like a victory. Plus the David trilogy is next so we kinda need a happy ending while we can

also bc I compared animorphs to hxh last time, I now have to compare it to the other series I've (partially) liveblogged, transformers mtmte.

this is gonna be more abstract and brief but basically. mtmte is all about after the war, and everyone has so much trauma and everything just sucks, so they all go on a space cruise and work on themselves. basically.

but the series does a lot of exploration of how war fucks people up - same as animorphs, tho animorphs spans the beginning of the war (for the main characters at least) until the end, whereas mtmte starts when the war ends.

but the point is. both series do an excellent job showcasing the wide range of reactions people have to being put in unthinkable situations during wartime. all the major characters in mtmte go through arcs where they heal/change from the war, some more subtle than others

basically the animorphs needs to go on a wacky space cruise adventure with a bunch of other fucked up people and figure their shit out, mtmte style

ok this is wicked long already so I’m gonna end it here. also I feel like I should start the next liveblog w/the david triology bc I’m for sure gonna have a lot to say abt that

[disneytva]

Bob Iger Returns To Chairman And Chief Executive Officer Of The Walt Disney Company Due COVID-19 Crisis At Disney

Bob Iger has taken CEO responsibilities back from Bob Chapek at The Walt Disney Company. 

"A crisis of this magnitude and its impact on Disney actively treat and help Bob Chapek. Especially for the company that lasts 15 years."

  The former C.E.O. thought he was riding into the sunset. Now he’s reasserting control and reimagining Disney as a company with fewer employees and more thermometers.

The Walt Disney Company turned franchises like Marvel and “Star Wars” into the biggest media business in the world, and last fall it was putting the finishing touches on the image of a storied character: its chief executive, Bob Iger.

In late September, Mr. Iger, 69, published “The Ride of a Lifetime,” an engaging work of self-hagiography. The handsome executive, who seriously considered running for president this year, spent the next month on the kind of media tour that Disney is known for: he reveled in the successful start of a streaming service that immediately rivaled Netflix, was hailed as “businessperson of the year” by Time and described as “Hollywood’s nicest C.E.O.” in an article in the The Times by Maureen Dowd. Even his friends wondered if the soft-focus Instagram ads produced for his MasterClass on leadership were a bit much.

It all went so well that Mr. Iger decided it was time to do something he had postponed four times since 2013: retire as C.E.O.

In early December, Disney executives say, he told his board that he was ready to leave. Around that time, a handful of people in Wuhan, China, began developing mysterious coughs.

At the end of January, a few days after Disney was forced to close its Shanghai theme park as the coronavirus spread, Mr. Iger and the board stuck with their plan, agreeing that he would step back to become executive chairman and that the low-profile head of the parks and cruise business, Bob Chapek, would take over immediately as chief executive. They finalized the arrangement even as the stock market began to shudder. And on Feb. 25, they shocked Hollywood with the news that Mr. Iger’s 15-year run had ended.

The seemingly abrupt announcement prompted intense speculation about the reasons for Mr. Iger’s exit. “Sex or health?” one media executive who knows him texted another that night. Two weeks later, a different question emerged: Had Mr. Iger, with his deep ties to China and legendary timing, seen the coronavirus about to devastate his global realm? Did he get out just in time?

Mr. Iger, who has always carefully managed his image, told me in an email, there was no more than met the eye.

“No surprises … nothing hidden … nothing different or odd to speculate about ….,” he wrote, ellipses and all.

In fact, people close to Mr. Iger and the company said in interviews that the real question wasn’t whether he saw the crisis coming — but whether his focus on burnishing his own legacy and assuring a smooth succession left him distracted as the threats to the business grew. No big media company is more dependent on its customers’ social and physical proximity than Disney, with its theme parks and cruise lines. Few have been hit harder by the pandemic.

And now, Mr. Iger has effectively returned to running the company. After a few weeks of letting Mr. Chapek take charge, Mr. Iger smoothly reasserted control, BlueJeans video call by BlueJeans video call. (Disney does not use Zoom for its meetings for security reasons.)

The new, nominal chief executive is referred to, almost kindergarten style, as “Bob C,” while Mr. Iger is still just “Bob.” And his title is “executive chairman” — emphasis on the first word.

Mr. Iger is now intensely focused on remaking a company that will emerge, he believes, deeply changed by the crisis. The sketch he has drawn for associates offers a glimpse at the post-pandemic future: It’s a Disney with fewer employees, leading the new and uncertain business of how to gather people safely for entertainment.

“It’s a matter of great good fortune that he didn’t just leave,” said Richard Plepler, the former HBO chief. “This is a moment where people first and foremost are looking to an example of leadership that has proved itself over an extended period of time — and Bob personifies that.”

The story of the Walt Disney Company since Mr. Iger’s predecessor, Michael Eisner, took it over in 1984 is one of astonishing growth that has become the model for the modern, global media business. The company turned its tatty icons like Mickey Mouse into cash cows. Mr. Iger has spent more than 40 years working for companies that are now part of Disney, and has earned his reputation through bold acquisitions. He bought Pixar, then Marvel, then Lucasfilm, for single-digit billions, and quickly created many more billions in value with them. Mr. Iger had the greatest job on earth, ruling not just a company but a “nation-state,” as California’s governor, Gavin Newsom, described Disney recently.

But Disney’s much-imitated model was almost perfectly exposed to the pandemic. The shift from on-screen entertainment into in-person experiences helped Disney become the biggest media company in the world. But those businesses have been impossible to protect from the pandemic. The company’s largest division brought in more than $26 billion in the year ending last June by extending its brands to cruise ships and theme parks. Those are all shuttered now. It has three new cruise ships under construction in Germany, their futures unclear. The jewel in its second largest division, television, is ESPN, which in a sports-less world is now broadcasting athletes playing video games. The third group, studio, had expected to bring in most of its revenue from movie openings in theaters, which are now closed.

There has been a glimmer of good news in the introduction of Disney+. The company’s troubled share price jumped about 7 percent in after-hours trading last Wednesday on the news that the streaming service had attracted 50 million subscribers. But the project is still an investment, years away from generating revenue that could replace a big movie opening in theaters. And the service is desperate for new content — at a time when television and film production has ground to a halt.

This all means the company is losing as much as $30 million or more a day, the media industry analyst Hal Vogel estimated in an interview. The company borrowed $6 billion at the end of March, a sign both of its desperate plight and lenders’ confidence that it could rebound.

In an emergency like this, Mr. Iger said, he had no choice but to abandon his plan to pull back.

“A crisis of this magnitude, and its impact on Disney, would necessarily result in my actively helping Bob [Chapek] and the company contend with it, particularly since I ran the company for 15 years!” he said in his email.

That realization appears to have hit just after the company’s March 11 annual shareholder gathering in Raleigh, N.C., which served as Mr. Chapek’s debut and was staged as a carefully scripted handoff.

“I’ve watched Bob [Iger] lead this company to amazing new heights, and I’ve learned an enormous amount from that experience. I feel incredibly fortunate to be able to work closely with him during this transition,” Mr. Chapek said at the meeting. (A Disney spokeswoman declined to make Mr. Chapek available for an interview.)

The men flew from there to Walt Disney World in Orlando, Fla., to meet executives worried about the effect of social distancing on their business; they announced the park’s closing the next day. Then, they flew back to Los Angeles and on the way, said a person familiar with their conversation, they discussed the depth of the crisis. Mr. Iger made clear that he would remain closely involved.

The next day, March 13, was their last in the office. In early April, Mr. Chapek sent a bleak internal email announcing a wave of furloughs. He pushed immediate cuts and freezes on everything from development budgets to contractors’ pay.

The company employed 223,000 as of last summer, and won’t say how many workers are furloughed, but the numbers are huge. It includes more than 30,000 workers  in the California resort business alone, according to the president of Workers United Local 50 that represents some of those workers, Chris Duarte. Another 43,000 workers in Florida will be furloughed, the company confirmed on Sunday. All the workers will keep their benefits, but their last paychecks come April 19.

The mood at Disney is “dire,” said a person who has done projects with the company. “They’re covering the mirrors and ripping clothes.”

Mr. Iger, meanwhile, is trying to figure out what the company will look like after the crisis. One central challenge is to establish best practices for the company and the industry on how to bring people back to the parks and rides while avoiding the virus’s spread — using measures like taking visitors’ temperatures.

Mr. Iger also sees this as a moment, he has told associates, to look across the business and permanently change how it operates. He’s told them that he anticipates ending expensive old-school television practices like advertising upfronts and producing pilots for programs that may never air. Disney is also likely to reopen with less office space. He’s also told two people that he anticipated the company having fewer employees. (Mr. Iger said in an email on Sunday evening that he had “no recollection of ever having said” that he expected a smaller work force. “Regardless, any decision about staff reductions will be made by my successor and not me,” he added.)

Mr. Iger’s own narrative had been written to a neat conclusion. Now, his legacy will probably be defined in the unexpected sequel of one of the great American companies fighting for its life.

And Disney’s endlessly troublesome question of succession — which had finally, for a couple of weeks, seemed settled — may be open again. One person close to the company said Mr. Iger assured Mr. Chapek that the extraordinary circumstances would be taken into consideration in the board’s evaluation of Mr. Chapek’s performance. But in reality, two hard, unpredictable years will determine if he can hold the job. Two other executives who were passed over for Mr. Chapek — Kevin Mayer and Peter Rice — remain at the company. Nobody knows when Americans will go to the movies again, much less get on cruise ships.

And nobody knows when — or whether — Mr. Iger will have another moment to leave on top.

[meaningofmotorsport]

Monte Carlo Rally Review

Whilst the first on track, wheel to wheel action, occurred over in Florida in the qualifying race for the 24Hrs of Daytona, the competitive racing season really began a few days earlier, in the mountains around the iconic Monaco principality. As always, the traditional season opener for the WRC did not disappoint in giving us plenty of action and talking points, as it weaved its way along tight icy and snowy roads, and sets us up well for the forthcoming season ahead.

The first stage seemed to set the rally up nicely, with Ott Tanak winning the first stage followed by Rovanpera and the two title contenders of last year, Evans and Ogier, in that order. Ott needed the year to start this way, after a lacklustre 2020, following his questionable move from Toyota, who he won the 2019 title with, to Hyundai, could he repeat his success two years later? Meanwhile Rovanpera was beginning to show what he can do; can this be the year where he shows his more experienced teammates that he is the team leader? Neuville on the other hand was unlikely to repeat his success of last year, as a last minute change of co-driver meant they were learning on the job, and by the time then got into the rhythm of it, it was just too late. For Suninen though, it was the worst start possible to 2021, as he slid off the road in the first stage, ending his rally, and giving the team a lot of work to do. Ford never really looked like challengers for this year’s title, and these issues will not help their chances, even if Greensmith is getting better and better.

During the second stage, Ogier experienced braking issues, but being a seven time world champion, he soldiered on, most importantly keeping himself in the picture overall at this early stage in the rally. When the third stage came, everything began to fall apart for the 2019 champion, it began with half spins and a lack of grip, dropping him down to 4th overall, he has just never seemed comfortable since joining the team. This left Rovanpera in the lead, who was showing that he has what it takes to lead a rally, until he didn’t, misjudging a corner, getting on the mud and sliding right off the road, in the time it took him to get back on track, he was down to third, and from there he could not catch back up to his teammates, he had to chalk this up to a learning exercise, and come back stronger next time. Ogier was back in the lead after an incredible drive to overtake Evans whilst Kalle was in a ditch, and Neuville was starting to build pace and confidence with his co-driver.

On stage six, there were further problems for Ogier, who just lacked the grip to match Evans and Tanak who pushed him down to third, and Neuville’s pace allowed him to climb up past Rovanpera to fourth. Although after a few more stages, the actions of stage six had been undone, with Ogier back in the lead and Rovanpera back to fourth. However, Tanak was dropping back due to punctures, and would end up retiring, having lost so much time. Neuville was now flying, on pace with the leaders, yet too far back to challenge for the win, his target was third place to break Toyota’s stranglehold.

From there, Evans did all he could, but had to settle for second, it was clear who the master of Monaco was, this was one place better then he did last year, so there is every chance he can go one place better in the title race as well. Neuville’s blistering pace meant he flew past Kalle, and was closing on the top two, it was just too little too late, it may not have been the win of last year, but when you look at what it could have been with a new co-driver, they have to be pleased. They will not be the happiest people in Monaco though, as Ogier takes his seventh win in this historic rally, matching the all time record, now can he keep the momentum up, and leave the WRC as the reigning champion?

As we look ahead to another long season, you should not be worried about Ogier dominating this year, remember that Evans has his strengths on other rallies we will go to, and will be hungrier than ever following the heartbreak in the Italian mountains last Autumn. Rovanpera is growing and growing as a driver, and his time will come soon. And the threats do not just come from within Toyota, both Tanak and Neuville were able to beat the Toyota’s during parts of the rally, it was just circumstances that played against them. Then Ford is an unknown, I doubt they have what it takes to win the title, but a surprise rally win is very possible. So, this year could be one of the best ever in the WRC’s history, as the top drivers in the world risk it all for ultimate glory!

-M

[anthonycrowleymoved]

HAIR SURVEY RESULTS TWO: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO

i know this was a long time coming. without further ado, i’m going to show you the final scores. then, if you so choose, you can go in and see my ~further analysis and information~ as well as other details and a comparison of lev’s earlier survey.

SO. here’s how it worked. i had a total of 561 people rank 16 of crowley’s hairstyles. i wanted people to rank the hairstyles to see if the results differed from when people were asked what their favorite overall style was. each person who gave a hairstyle a ranking of 1 contributed 16 points towards that style, 2 contributed 15 points, and so on. this means the lowest possible score a Look™ can get is 561, and the highest is 8976 (16 x 561)

OFFICIAL RANKINGS:

1. 2012 BUN - 7965

2. GOLGOTHA - 7108

3. PRESENT DAY - 7060

4. 2007 HAIR - 6988

5. MESOPOTAMIA - 6820

6. EDEN - 5547

7. 1941 (CHURCH SCENE) - 5406

8. 1967 - 4644

9. 2012 NANNY - 4146

10. BOOK!CROWLEY - 3650

11. 1970s - 3408

12. 33 AD (ROME) - 3040

13. 1601 (SHAKESPEARE) - 2770

14. 541 AD (KNIGHTS) - 2751

15. 1862 - 2708

16. 1793 (FRENCH REVOLUTION) - 2477

DISCUSSION OF OVERALL RESULTS

graphic representation of all of the results, in descending order. as you can see, bun was the runaway lead, with the next four highest scoring looks™ pretty close together. similarly, the shakespeare look, knight look, and sideburn look are all similarly hated.

fig. 2: scores sorted by in-universe order of appearance. i think it’s interesting to look at this and see that there seems to be....sort of a trend. in general people seem to like the very early looks and the very modern looks, with the lowest scoring looks all clumped together.

INDIVIDUAL RESULTS

now, i’d like to discuss the individual breakdown of each look™, to determine how universally it was liked or disliked, or alternately the distribution of votes 

eden

eden had an average score of 9.89. people seemed pretty middle of the road on this look, with the occasional person either loving it or hating it. it’s a lot more divisive than a lot of his hairstyles for sure. (me, i personally thought it verged a bit into ‘bad wig’ territory, and i did see a couple people thinking the same)

mesopotamia

i was kind of surprised by this one being as low as it was! obviously it was in that grouping of popular hairstyles, but i feel like the general consensus you read on here is that this is the fan favorite. apparently not so. the average score was 12.16, however, which, not bad. people in general did tend to like this look, obviously, with a few holdouts scattered about

golgotha

fun fact! this is my personal favorite because, the headscarf. my god. iconic. and apparently y’all agree! it eeked out second place with an average score of 12.67

rome

so this is the first. not great look. people don’t seem to be crazy about this one. it had an average score of 5.41

knight look

“oh maggie why is this even here we can’t see his hair” It’s My Survey And I Get To Choose The Looks. but anyway. no one liked this. seriously. this is the first one that didn’t get a single person to give it the top spot. average score was 4.903, which also isn’t great.

1601

look, i know you’re supposed to be unbiased or whatever, but this is a tumblr survey and none of this matters. i hate this look. i hate it so much i often forget it exists out of self preservation. even now as i type this i know if i scroll up i’ll see that terrible facial hair, and i saw it like a minute ago when i uploaded the picture, but i can’t for the life of me remember what it looks like because my brain has put up a protective barrier. you all seem to agree with me, as the average score of this is just 4.94. excellent taste all around

1793

LAST PLACE. i don’t completely. GET. the hatred of this one. i found it to be. very middle of the road. fine i suppose. but the people have spoken with an average score of just 4.42. so what do i know

1862

another one no one said was their favorite. i mean. fair. this one had an average of 4.83, and many people said this was his most heterosexual look, and i agree. bad. 

1941

this one seemed to be a bit middle of the road for people, which is kind of understandable. it’s a great hat, but i get that people like the more dramatique™ looks better. had an average score of 9.64, so like. not bad

1967

now this one was ALLLLL over the place. people love it, people hate it, people are indifferent. average score was 8.28, which, again, shows how split this one was. i for one welcome john lennon and joyce byers’ demon lovechild.

1970s

i’m so mad. average score was 6.07. this is my second favorite hairstyle overall. yes, seriously. anyway you all are wrong and that’s all i have to say about that have a good night

1990s

people kept asking me why i included the illustration from the modern cover of the book, and the primary reason was because i thought it would be funny, which is why i do most things. i also was kind of wondering what people would do with it, and the answer is seemingly ‘question why it was there.’ i wish there was a way i could have included ‘your own personal headcanon for what he looked like while reading the book,’ but alas this is as close as i could get. average score was 6.51. the people who gave said this was their favorite are my heroes, and one person described him as looking like an insurance salesman, which like. thank you from the bottom of my heart

2007

yeah. okay. i nicknamed this one ‘cursed’ in my master list. i don’t get it. i’m so sorry. i am like, the singular holdout who just can’t stand this hair. but i am very much in the minority, everyone else seems to love it. average score was 12.46. good for you, 2007 crowley. i will never understand you

2012 (Nanny)

this is the last....not great look. again, a bit all over the place. average score was 7.39.

2012 (Bun)

i LOVE this hairstyle, but i was blown away by how high it was on lev’s poll and i’m blown away again with how high it is here. i just feel like we collectively never talk about how much we love the bun look, and then when we’re asked we go feral. this had an average score of 14.19. how. gender, indeed.

present

ahhh, the classic tennant hair. a solid look. no one really seems to dislike it, it’s just. not everyone’s top spot. there’s nothing offensive about it, clearly, but i don’t think it sets anyone off like some of the other top contenders. and i’m slightly surprised how little we talk about this hairstyle considering how popular it is (and i get it, he looks like every lesbian i’ve ever had a crush on who was painfully out of my league), but again, that might be because it’s Tennant Classic™. average score was 12.58.

LEV DYKEIEL’S RESULTS VERSUS MAGGIE ANTHONYCROWLEY’S RESULTS: A BRIEF ANALYSIS

the main reason i wanted to do this in the first place was to see if the results changed at all from lev’s survey when i asked people to rank their choices rather than just choose their favorite. the answer is actually like, kind of! not majorly, but a bit. the comparison as it stands without the entries that did not appear on both lists:

if you want to see the changes more easily, i’ve done some color coding here:

as you can see, there were definitely some shifts, but what i’d like to focus on is the change in rank of the golgotha hair, the two that came in last place, and the sixties and seventies looks. for the golgotha hair, i suspect that because it was so close to the mesopotamia hair, the vote may have been split a bit, whereas here you could have realistically given both a good score. lev also said that in their results, after the 2012 bun look, 2007, present, and mesopotamia were kind of always in a bit of a tie with each other, whereas this was the case with mine with the addition of the golgotha hair. taking that into consideration i think it’s interesting that that one ended up getting second place. 

i also think it’s interesting that france wasn’t in last place on lev’s poll, because there’s such a huge difference in points between the sideburn look and the french revolution look according to my numbers. however, as i said before, no one actually picked sideburns as their favorite on this survey, but there were a couple of people who like, loved the revolution hair. i think that may have ended up giving lev and i slightly different results, as the revolution hair is like ‘you either really love it for some reason (rare) or despise it’ and the 1860s hair is like ‘you either hate it or you’re lukewarm about it’. 

similarly, the shift in rank in both the sixties and seventies looks is also interesting, because they both moved kind of significantly. i think the 60s look changed because, as i said, it seemed to be a pretty divisive look. people don’t seem to be agreed on how much they like it, so there are people really Into It who voted it as their favorite on lev’s, but there are also people who HATE IT. i think something sort of similar happened with the 70s look in the opposite direction. i think not many people LOVE it, but a lot of people kind it not to be like, the worst one. as a result it went up a bit because, while few people consider it their favorite (can’t relate), a few people were like ‘okay it’s fun’ and ranked it semi-high, or at least there was more of a distribution than some of the more hated looks. also it’s almost 2 am i hope this analysis makes sense because words. the english language.

ANYWAY THOSE ARE MY RESULTS I KNOW I PROMISED TABLEAU GRAPHICS BUT I FORGOT I NO LONGER HAVE A LICENSE FOR THAT BECAUSE I GRADUATED AND ALSO IT LOOKS FINE WITH THE GOOGLE GRAPHICS AND I DON’T WANT TO MAKE MY LIFE HARDER COOL BYE!

[rebelsofshield]

Star Wars: Shadow Fall-Review

The second installment of Alexander Freed’s Alphabet Squadron trilogy is a character driven story of survival and personal growth that ranks among the best novels to come out of Star Wars in years.

(Review contains minor spoilers)

For the first time in the Galactic Civil War, both sides are in equal footing. With the death of the Emperor and the cataclysmic events following the Battle of Endor, The Empire has fallen into disarray and chaos. No central leadership exists and the once terrifying fascist force has split into different factions vying for survival. The New Republic fairs no better. Caught between mopping up between Imperial holdouts and trying to establish a government of its own, the former Rebellion is stumbling as well. All sides are scrambling to make sense of a new galactic order. Caught in the middle of this mess are the ragtag starfighters of Alphabet Squadron. Lead by a guilt ridden Yrica Quell, these five war weary pilots make a new desperate ploy to capture the still elusive and dangerous forces of Shadow Wing, a deadly TIE Fighter regiment that remains one of the Empire’s strongest remaining assets. However, Shadow Wing faces its own test of survival, now under control of Quell’s former mentor, Soran Keize.

Alphabet Squadron was one of the biggest and best surprise hits of last year. While Alexander Freed had already cut his teeth on writing Star Wars with the mostly underwhelming Battlefront: Twilight Company and the novelization for Rogue One, the first in his starfighter trilogy kicked off with an emotional and character driven drama that proved compelling from the getgo. Freed’s prose is dense and detailed and arguably more so than any other current prose writer working for Lucasfilm has the ability to make the world of the Galaxy Far, Far Away feel lived in. There’s an attention to on the streets storytelling. Our characters are fleshed out, flawed, and emotional characters, but they are far from the larger than life icons we see in much of Star Wars. They are part of the galactic swell of millions caught in the middle of a conflict that will change the shape of their society for decades to come.

It’s this feeling of upheaval and cultural shift that gives Shadow Fall much of its success. Freed paints the last year of the Galactic Civil War as a transitional period and while Chuck Wendig’s Aftermath trilogy may have been about the end point of this transformation, Shadow Fall concerns itself with the tough growing pains of societal metamorphosis. As Alphabet Squadron and their fellow New Republic allies attempt to liberate a planetary system orbiting a black hole, they have to contend with their own spread thin forces but also with their place as galactic liberators. They are no longer scrappy rebellious underdogs, but representatives of one government ousting another. Similarly, Soran Keize finds his leadership of Shadow Wing borrowing more and more from the Rebellion, with strategy shifting from wartime to success to the physical and mental health of the men in his charge. Freed creates a general feeling throughout of shaky footing and unease. The end point of the war is well in hand, but nobody is quite sure what it might entail and that proves to be something that drives introspection not only morally and politically, but also spiritually.

Freed’s ability to layer the Galaxy Far, Far Away with detail and nuance remains a strength, but the overall success of Alphabet Squadron proved to be its cast of compelling characters. By the end of its page length, we left the first novel of this series with a dynamic central cast, each with their own wants and weaknesses, and even a collection of memorable supporting characters. Shadow Fall continues that trend here, and while some standouts from the last novel such as Kairos and Nath Tensent (the former in particular) don’t get enough time in the spotlight, Freed digs in deeper with many of his cast than ever before. Following the likes of The Empire Strikes Back, Shadow Fall takes the middle chapter route of separating its heroes and putting them through the emotional ringer.

Yrica Quell remains the most complicated and compelling of the bunch. With her New Republic intelligence handler, Caern Adan, now aware of her secret participation in the genocidal Operation Cinder, Quell finds herself at risk with her fellow pilots. Freed fills her chapters with a sense of hesitancy, tension, and guilt ridden trauma as Quell tries to navigate the comfort of her new life with the looming atrocities of her past. Shadow Fall takes Quell on a twisting and harrowing journey and she ends the novel in an unexpected place that is sure to shake things up for the final installment likely coming next year.

In contrast, Soran Keize makes for an interesting new take on the sympathetic Imperial antagonist. It’s rare that we see a member of the Galactic Empire written with this amount of emotional depth and empathy. There’s a rightful hesitancy to paint representatives of sci-fi fascism with humanity and typically once a Stormtrooper or officer starts to show a hint of light, it means they are redemption bound. Keize makes for a fascinating inversion of this. We first met him having already deserted the Empire, trying to eke out life under a new name and purpose. Keize ended Alphabet Squadron with a decision to rejoin the Empire, but his role in Shadow Fall is far from fanatical patriotism. Instead, Keize becomes a steward for Shadow Wing, attempting to protect the men and women under his command from death and despair. It’s a more humanistic approach than we’ve seen from an Imperial before and it gives the battles at the novel’s climax an additional weight.

Other standouts prove to be Wyl Lark and Chass na Chadic. Lark made an impression and quickly became a fan favorite out of Alphabet Squadron due to his unshakeable moral character and optimism. In a series that approaches being dour in its chaos and bloodshed, Freed strongly balances out the ensemble with a character that feels as attuned to the light as Lark. Shadow Fall maneuvers him into a leadership position that he finds himself taking on  maybe a bit too much responsibility and complicated even further by the intense empathy he feels for the empathy at every step. Freed paints Lark as a good man that isn’t made into a bad one by the horrors of war, but finds himself struggling to find the right thing to do at all times. It makes for compelling and hopeful conflict.

Chass na Chadic, the music spewing B-Wing pilot, was a colorful addition to Alphabet Squadron, but she more than any other character feels like she comes into her own here in Shadow Fall. The last surviving member of multiple squadrons who met their end by the hands of the Empire, Chass has never expected to live through to the end of the Galactic Civil War. She doesn’t actively wish for death, but has more so accepted a reality that her survival isn’t a part of. Combined with her own sense of sardonic humor and multi-species discography, Chass constantly feels like she’s hiding layer upon layer of emotion but remains entertaining all the same. In a smart move, Freed puts Chass in a place that challengers her nihilism in startling ways and it makes for some of the most interesting subject matter of the novel.

If anything proves a little shaky with Shadow Fall, it’s that the overall uncertainty of its world and characters bleeds a bit too much into the plot as well. Freed’s characters feel concerned with moment to moment survival and while it makes for a thrilling and at times emotional read, it’s easy to leave the second installment of Alphabet Squadron feeling a tad unmoored. It’s unclear what exactly this trilogy is building to outside of another conflict between our titular starfighter team and their elusive enemy. I will find myself picking up the next installment in order to catch up with these characters that I have become so attached to and not necessarily because I’m waiting with baited breath for the conclusion of this winding story.

As was the case with Alphabet Squadron, Freed’s prose knows how to oscillate in tempo and focus with ease. His descriptions are detailed and dynamic. His character prose is insightful and personal without feeling overbearing. His action scenes feel kinetic and explosive. It’s impressive just how thick and dense Freed’s prose can feel when it needs to, but how quickly it can shift to something quicker and more action oriented without sacrificing the detail that defines the rest of the novel. It represents a clear evolution from the sometimes leaden Twilight Company that builds upon the style but makes it much more emotionally and narratively engaging.

With Shadow Fall, Alexander Freed’s solidifies Alphabet Squadron as the new Star Wars trilogy to watch for. It’s characters are just as haunting and compelling as ever and Freed’s writing feels more lived in and organic than anything else offered by Lucasfilm Publishing at this time. Pick this book up and savor the read. I’m going to miss these lost souls over the next year.

Score: A

[marcmyworks]

Quentin Tarantino is one of the best directors of both the 20th and 21st Century, which started with his first wide release film in 1992. He has just recently released his 9th (or 10th depending on your point of view) film, Once Upon a Time... in Hollywood to rave reviews. As one of my favourite directors, I have decided to list rank each of his films. I want to first state that I love everything this man puts out, just some more than others. Lets begin.

*Spoilers below*

10. The Hateful Eight (2015)

The Hateful Eight is the least successful in Tarantino’s repertoire and I don’t mean financially. This film just seems to have little to no likeability, and before you say it, I do understand that each character is ‘hateful’ but at times it seems quite forced. 

Though well written and acted, it feels that the shocking moments are put in there simply to shock rather than provide any interest. We have the story of eight characters trapped in a cabin during a snowstorm, the film is Western themed, there is a revenge plot as well a bounty hunter. I really do not think this is a bad film in any regard, and it even feels like the sister film to Reservoir Dogs, but in terms of style and content it feels like a mishmash of things the audience has seen before from the Director, like his greatest hits, rather than a new and original story.

9. Death Proof (2007)

A lot of critics, and even Tarantino himself, have put this as the lowest ranking of his films on their list, I disagree. This may not be the most fleshed out story, but it is one of the most fun. I am ranking the unrated version of the film, as the theatrical version was cut down from its 113 minutes to 87 minutes to be incorporated as the Grindhouse double feature (with Robert Rodriguez’s Planet Terror). The shorter version is the one critics saw and I don’t believe it does the full film justice. 

Death Proof is inspired by Grindhouse revenge films such as I Spit on Your Grave and include a multitude of young starlets and even re-launched the career of actor Kurt Russell. Overall the film is quite good though there are instances where it is quite obvious that a man wrote the female dialogue, which in the Me-Too age isn’t as acceptable. An example of this can be read here, where this character speaks about her father:

“Look, he’s totally harmless and cute as a bug's ear! But you know, when he's got a bunch of half-naked poontang walking the floor of his lake house, he just likes to pay us a visit and make sure we got everything we need.”

8. Reservoir Dogs (1992)

Tarantino’s first full length film is the smallest scale of his career as most of it takes place in one room. Though the scale is small, the dialogue and action are immense, the characters fleshed out and, in most ways, stands the test of time. The film was well received by audiences and made more than twice its meager budget, but at times it is quite obvious this was shot by a new director still formulating his style. Tim Roth (as Mr. Orange) is excellent as the newest member of the gang and his relationship with Harvey Keitel (Mr. White) is one of the strongest bromances in cinema history.

7. Once Upon a Time… In Hollywood (2019)

Though advertised as an accurate biographical account of the Manson Murders in 1960s Hollywood, this film is actually more fictional, less about these murders and more a love letter to the actors of that time. The story is centred around director Roman Polanski and wife Sharon Tate’s fictional neighbour, actor Rick Dalton and his stunt man Cliff Booth (based screen legends Steve McQueen and Burt Reynolds and the latter’s stunt-double Hal Needham). The film explores how the two are struggling to adapt to the ever-changing Hollywood, paralleling with the growth of the Manson family who are interested with the Tate/Polanski household. Though a long film, it does quite well at showcasing the struggles of actors in Hollywood, the indulgence of the rich and the rise of a fanatic cult.

6. Jackie Brown (1997)

In the 1990s Tarantino was one of the biggest Directors around, he had won an Oscar for his writing and audiences were anxiously awaiting his third film. After acquiring the film rights to Elmore Leonard’s novel ‘Rum Punch’, Tarantino started writing Jackie Brown with the intent on giving the script to another director; however, Leonard loved the script so much Tarantino decided to direct himself.

Jackie Brown takes inspiration from Blaxploitation films like Coffy and Foxy Brown, though with a slower pace and using much less action. Pam Grier, star of both the aforementioned films, was Tarantino’s only choice for the lead role and to this day he is amazed that she was not nominated for an Oscar. The film is a slow burn compared to Tarantino’s previous two movies and does have its issues with pacing and story consistency but does contain more humour.

5. Kill Bill Vol. 1 (2003)

The Kill Bill films are two of the coolest of Tarantino’s career; from the opening Klingon proverb, to the Pussy Wagon to the schlocky gore, this film was every film geek’s dream. Tarantino promised Uma Thurman that her birthday present would be the lead in his next film and a year after promising her this he delivered her the script. Originally conceived as one long epic film, it was split into two by production as it was felt the first half of the film had a different tone to the second. Producers also wanted to ensure it was a box office success and a four-hour film in the modern age was too much of a gamble. The first Kill Bill provides the groundwork for what is rarely seen in Hollywood, an even better sequel.

4. Django Unchained (2012)

Django is similar to the original film from 1966 in name only, as this version focuses on pre-American Civil War racism, slavery and the liberation a slave named Django. The film feels more like an homage to one of the biggest budget exploitation film of all time, Mandingo. It's a very simple story of a man who is trying to save his wife and along the way befriends a bounty hunter who aids him in his quest, but it is effective as it is a criticism of racism that still continues in the United States. Jamie Foxx does an excellent job portraying the titular character with Christoph Waltz, Leonardo DiCaprio and Samuel L. Jackson wonderfully playing the supporting roles.

3. Kill Bill Vol. 2 (2004)

I will say there is a large debate in the fan community whether the Kill Bill films should be ranked together as one film (as Tarantino states they should be), or whether they are two separate entities of a franchise as well which one is the better of the two. Upon first watching the films I was a bit disappointed Volume 2 did not have the same amount of camp violence as the first, as this film feels to be more a Spaghetti Western revenge film rather than a Samurai thriller. However, upon the re-watching the film multiple times it is quite obvious through the dialogue, storytelling and excellent cinematography that this is the superior film and is a contender for the top spot of Tarantino’s filmography.

2. Inglourious Basterds (2009)

Inglorious Basterds is one of the films that not only has incredible star power but also has amazing gravitas. The film made Irish actor Michael Fassbender and German actor Christoph Waltz popular with American audiences with the latter’s excellent performance winning him the Oscar for Best Supporting Actor. The Basterds, a team of Jewish mercenary’s who capture, interrogate and kill Nazis and are played by a group of talents including Brad Pitt, Eli Roth and B.J. Novak. They are up against the evil Hans Landa (Waltz) also known as “The Jew Hunter”, a Nazi Colonel who is employed to ensure security for a film event being attended by Adolf Hitler. The film itself is a tribute to American war propaganda films from the 1940s, and though one of his most brutal, is truly one of Tarantino’s best writing efforts.

1. Pulp Fiction (1994)

I know this is the obvious choice, but with good reason. Pulp Fiction is the first film anyone thinks of when they think Tarantino. Made up of seemingly random story vignettes and inspired by pulp magazines, Tarantino devised to make a film made up of simple short stories that only later the viewer could see were actually intertwined. Tarantino proved he could make interesting films on a smaller scale with his critically acclaimed film Reservoir Dogs and was able to bring in major stars such as Bruce Willis, Uma Thurman, John Travolta and Samuel L. Jackson, the latter of whom would star in or have roles in most of his pictures. The film was a box-office success and won several awards including the Academy Award for best writing. Though Tarantino has had many excellent films in his career, Pulp Fiction will always be the most iconic and original.

[awfulcomingdown]

Nintendo Switch Demos Review (Or, “Without a Paddle, I Might Add”)

Introduction

Over the past couple of weeks, or maybe months, I’ve downloaded some demos on my Switch that I’d intended to eventually play. And then I didn’t play them, which led me to believe that I might never do so.

And then, a couple of days ago, I found my self drunk, alone in the darkness of my sister’s home office, while her and her fiancee slept in another room. While drinking and staring out the window into the unfamiliar street, an idea hit me. I should play all those demos, right now.

And so I quickly walked down the hallway, as if afraid the inclination to really do this might dissipate as quickly as it’d formed, to my temporary bedroom where the Switch was laying on a nightstand, and brought it back to that dark office. I then proceeded to do it. I played all four demos, writing and becoming progressively more drunk as I went, until typing itself seemed an impossible, or at least undesirable, task. And then I went to sleep. 

And now, I’ve taken those somewhat less than clear notes and formed them into a mostly comprehensible summary of my feelings on those games. And here they are. 

The Touryst

I heard about this game for the first time in a Nintendo Direct, I think. It looked goofy. It looked too goofy for my liking. I planned to not ever think about it again. And then I didn’t for some time.

The next time I thought about it, it was because a Youtube video extolling the virtues of this game’s beauty and graphical prowess scrolled past my eyes on the Youtube homepage. I didn’t click on it, and I didn’t think much about it. However, I did think some about it.

Then I saw this demo, and I figured, sure, let’s try it.

This demo is very short. Well, at least, it felt very short to me, sitting in my sister’s makeshift home office, a couple of drinks in to what would eventually become a too many drinks to be having alone night. It flew by.

As soon as the game began, I was struck. It’s beautiful, in what feels like an extremely unique way. 

It’s bizarre. The background is completely blurred, and you’re running around what feels like a tiny, static world that’s been put together by hand and pushed out to sea. It all feels very still. Apparently the people who made this game have been making video games since 1999. I feel as though they may have learned some very worthwhile things in that time.

The other thing that struck me as significant while I played this short demo was the fact that I had managed to ignore and look down on this game for so long. How was it that nobody was grabbing me by the shoulders, shaking me, and screaming “The Touryst is a fucking masterpiece, idiot. Just because the main character has a goofy mustache doesn’t mean this whole thing’s a joke. Play it. Fuck you.” 

Now, that might not be totally fair. I mean, that Youtube video I saw about the game was literally titled “The Touryst is Stunning: Switch Game of the Year Contender?” which, to be fair, is a very funny thing to name a video. I would like to know who made the call on adding that question mark. Wild stuff.

And, again, to be fair, if you search “The Touryst” into the old Youtube search bar, you’ll come up with dozens of videos (okay I actually only saw three, but I didn’t scroll that far) making similar claims about the game’s greatness (funnily enough, all three of the videos I saw ended with a fucking question mark. That’s not a joke. Like, they really wanted you to be tempted to click the video just to find out if the game is, in fact, a contender for Switch game of the year. What a time.).

So my point is maybe less that there weren’t people talking (or, asking?), about this game, and more that it doesn’t seem as though anyone was giving this supposed masterpiece the respect that a masterpiece deserves. Which is to say, after watching exactly four minutes and 37 seconds of the first of those videos, I was able to conclude that not a single video on the entirety of Youtube had a single interesting or worthwhile thing to say about the game. And this seems...shitty.

If this game is a masterpiece (and sadly it seems as though we’ll never know, but, by god, we will continue to ask), then maybe it deserves something more than a Youtube video of a dude talking about its “tight gameplay” and “excellent soundtrack.”

Maybe we should do more than that. Maybe we should treat masterpiece video games with the same respect that a masterpiece film or album receives. 

Maybe we should be writing thousands of words about the brilliance of said masterpiece, and actually attempt to discuss what exactly about the game makes it so noteworthy.

Maybe we should take the time to say whether or not it is a masterpiece, and not just ask the fucking question.

Dragon Quest Builders 2

As I finished the very short demo of The Touryst, I decided I would play the demos in whatever order they happened to be lined up in on my Switch homepage. As I scrolled to the right, I was struck with fear when I saw Dragon  Quest Builders 2 was next up.

Despite being too drunk at the time to notice that the game icon literally says “Jumbo Demo,” I still knew, having learned from the Dragon Quest XI demo, that this demo could literally take the rest of my life to finish.

“Fuck,” I wrote. “I really didn’t want to play this one next. For all I know, this demo lasts eight and a half hours, and I’ll be here ‘till sunrise. It’s been loading for 30 seconds now, and I’m scared. Dear god.”

Some amount of these fears were quelled when the game finally finished loading, and the music began to play. Despite having never owned or really played a Dragon Quest game, I fucking love Dragon Quest music. Sure, it’s beautiful, but it’s not just that. Something about the music makes me feel as though the music has no idea as to how beautiful it actually is. It feels as though the music doesn’t know how profound it really is, and this only serves to make it that much more affecting. I feel this is a part of the charm of the series as a whole: Dragon Quest games never go out of their way to let you know that they know how brilliant they are.

Anyway, I grabbed another beer, bringing the Switch along with me to the fridge so I could continue to listen to the title screen music while I did, and began the demo. The beer was stronger and more expensive than anything I would’ve bought - and I doubt it was my sister who bought it, it was probably some bizarre house warming gift - and tasted to me like a mixture of apple cider and rock salt. It was palatable.

The game, DQB2, as it will henceforth be known, opens with a character customization screen. Now, I may have just been drunk then, and I may just be an asshole now, but the minimal amount of customization one can actually apply to their character struck me immediately, and continues to strike me now, as profound.

All that you’re allowed to change about the character is their hair colour, skin tone, and eye colour. Along with this, you’re also allowed to choose their name.

This small amount of change that you’re allowed to make to the character makes it feel as though you are inserting some very small amount of yourself into this pre-existing character. Like, the character you’ll be controlling is their own living, existing being, and you’re now just a part of that being. It almost feels like a tidy summation of what it is to control any character in any video game you’ve ever played. Which is to say, these characters always exist, having been made long before we gain control over them, before we come into contact with them, and as such we are incapable of actually fully putting ourselves into them. No matter how much character customization or character control they (the creator) allow, the player will always only be meeting them halfway, as the two of them work, isolated from one another, to create what is now a unique being. 

Okay, I’ll stop now. But I’m serious about this.

Anyway, the opening of this game is pretty terrific. You wake up a prisoner on a large, monster-ruled pirate ship, and are immediately let out of your jail cell in order to help fix some things around the monster ship. You are enlisted for such duties as the result of your known designation as a “builder.” The skeleton pirate who frees you from your cage makes it clear that while you are a shitty, unimportant builder, that’s still enough for you to be capable of handling the small jobs they have for you. So, you help the monsters clean up the ship, and this acts as the first of what I assume to be many, many tutorials.

The dialogue during this opening section left me legitimately shocked. Nearly every thing that every monster said to me managed to make me silently laugh and/or over exaggeratedly look around the room as if to ask “Is anyone else seeing this!?” (nobody else was - everyone else was asleep and not thinking about video game dialogue).

In order to not write out fifteen different things, I’ll put here what struck me as the most clever of the writing. After asking the skeleton pirate who originally woke you up who he is and what you’re all doing on this ship, he answers:

“If you’re that desperate to find out how far up the creek you are - without a paddle, I might add - go and talk to those five monsters beneath the flag over there.”

This line in particular, along with the majority of the rest of the lines, led me to think about the absurd amount of time it must have taken for the localizers of this game to craft such a great translation.  I mean, yeah, obviously the writing was terrific to begin with in Japanese, but the fact that they were able to translate that into such immediately brilliant English text is insane. I’d like to meet the people behind this translation, so that I could ask them what drives them to care so deeply about what they do.

The rest of this demo - or, at least, the rest of it that I managed to play that night* - was made up of me doing menial tasks (talk to monsters, learn to craft, learn to fight, etc.) until I finally decided that I simply could not play any longer, and left it at that for DQB2 for the time being.

*(note: I was really loving this demo, but decided that I needed to move on to another game, as it was already 1:16am and, as I wrote in my open google doc that night, I was “already pretty fucked up.” I played through the beginning of the demo again the next day while sober, and it took me about two minutes to get to where I made it to in like 45 minutes while drunk. Gotta love it.)

I’m mainly really curious about how a game like this gets made. I don’t know what the sales figures for this game were like in Japan, but as far as I could tell, very few people in North America really gave a fuck about it. The thing is, it seems really, really well made, and I know for a fact it is ridiculously large. I have questions about how something this big and seemingly great (and definitely carefully made), gets created, released, and then ostensibly immediately forgotten about. Art and commerce are weird. 

Anyway, I doubt I’ll ever play this game. It is too big, and too chill, and I have too many other things that I need to be doing, or at least I often feel as though I do.

Ape Out

I literally can’t think about this game without referring to it as “Ape Escape” in my head. I’ve never played Ape Escape, but that is definitely a better freedom-seeking-ape based video game name.

Anyway, this game is beautiful, in a really jarring way. It’s beautiful in a way that I guess can’t be communicated through trailers, because something about this demo immediately struck a chord with me that no trailer for it had done.

This game is electric. You play as an ape, making your way out of a poisonous building, murdering any human who gets in your way (which is to say you play as an ape who is attempting to escape).

You can move with the left stick, aim with the right stick, grab with the left trigger, and throw/punch with the right trigger. And then you just fucking kill.

The music is an absurd mix of smashing drums and symbols, getting hit in time with your launching of men into walls, turning those men into limbs and torsos (which you can then pick up and throw at other men to stun them), and turning those walls into red paint splattered canvases.

Playing this game makes me really want to play the rest of this game, if only to see how far they can take this kinetic energy that pulses throughout the first three stages. How long does the novelty of having a drum hit perfectly coincide with a body hitting a wall and becoming a corpse last? Or, should I say, what did the developers (Gabe Cuzzillo, the game says, is the creator) do to make it so that fucking pulsing excitement deep in the players sternum lasts for the entirety of the experience? 

I feel like this is a game that I could beat over the course of one delirious, sleepless night, though for now we can all only sit and hope that when I do finally purchase and play the full game, it forces me to do so. 

Cadence of Hyrule

The music is so good. It sounds like you’re standing in an alternate universe Legend of Zelda elevator, a universe in which the Legend of Zelda isn’t a video game series, but is instead a religious belief.

Remember when this game got announced, and we were all like “What the fuck!?”? And then it came out, and some people were like “This is really good!” and other people were like “I like real Zelda better…”

Anyway. We should appreciate things more.

You know, I bought the first one of these games, on sale, for $5, and it really just did not click with me. Something about having to move on beat really bothered me. Like it was always the game’s fault, and not my own, that things were going wrong. It always felt like my Guitar Hero guitar was missing one battery, or like my Wiimote was miscalibrated, and that was causing all the troubles. It always felt like I was missing some peripheral accessory. It’s not a feeling that feels worth dealing with these days.

This just...isn’t as fun, and doesn’t feel as good, as any of the other three games I was playing. Specifically, I can’t stop thinking about The Touryst and DQB2. I thought that I didn’t like many 3D games, but fuck. Those got me. 

The End (Closing Thought That I Wrote Immediately After Finishing These Demos)

This was cool, and this was good. We might even say that I “really needed this,” or, at least, “am really happy to have had this.” 

But I’m sobering up, and a remix of some old Zelda song is playing, and I love it, and it’s time to go to bed. Tomorrow, one of my friends will come pick me up from my sister’s house, and I will return home, indefinitely, for now. Everything is fucking weird. But I’m going home. I can’t sit in the darkness of my sister’s home office playing Nintendo Switch demos forever, sadly.

After The End

I’m home now, and I’m tired. Everything is bizarre. I am definitely going to play all of The Touryst eventually, and I am almost definitely going to play all of Ape Escape eventually (I actually wrote the wrong name here by accident, and didn't realize it until now, a day later. They should have just named it Ape Escape. Fuck it.). As for DQB2 and CoHR, they were chill,  and I will remember them, and the drunken night we had together, fondly. But I suppose this is the end of the road between me and them. 

Anyway, I’ve got four essays due in the next 10 days, and then some online essay after that. I’m also playing through a very long and old JRPG right now, and I think I love it. All of that is to say that I won’t be playing any of these games any more for the time being. So for the time being, I’m thankful we all had that one night together. One night of repose, and of lonely drinking, in a house and a town I’d never been in before, in a room that was not my own, staring at a street that I couldn’t recognize. I’m home now, for some amount of time, and hopefully that time is good.

Goodnight.

[seenashwrite]

The Fall ‘18/Winter ‘19 Edition of…

It’s a better-late-than-never situation, but it’s finally here!

*~* New to The Nail? *~*

The Nail isn’t about perfection. It isn’t about award-level contenders. It isn’t for highlighting certain genres of fics or specific ships. It’s about seeing real effort and hard work radiate off of the screen - the sole focus is quality. Character dimension. Writing with clever readers in mind. Well-built worlds. Killer starts and clutch endings. Crazy crisp dialogue. Incredibly tight plotting. More shows, less tells. Big emotion.

Find past editions HERE. Find what factors are considered when constructing this rec list, and learn how to get your recommendations to me HERE. Find info on the structure of these rec posts HERE, with answers to FAQs such as “Why did someone make up a title for my piece?”, and more.

>> The Basics On What’s Below <<

- All from the world of SPN (unless otherwise noted, i.e. cross-overs), across all genres; these are organized by length for the most part, so you’ll need to click thru to see if it is a theme of your preference; I aim to not have too much that’s of the same genre/length in a given edition, and limit the times a writer can appear on a given list (if they had more that fit the bill, I’ll chuck ‘em to next edition’s list); when applicable, unique projects, original stories, and any anecdotes/personal essays/family stories/etc. are near the end.

- You’ll see icons throughout…

If it has NSFW elements / walks an NSFW line - ⚠️

If it features / blatantly alludes to a specific ship - 🚢

If it has less than 100 notes (at time of this post) - 📌

And that last item is very important.

- A main priority of The Nail is to have at least 50% of these one-and-done SPN stories (so, drabbles and one-shots) be those which have less than 100 notes (give or take a few self-reblogs by the writer, and not counting mine) in each posting, and for this edition, out of 36, these comprise 26 so the goal was met!

Highly encourage you to at minimum hit the heart, ideally reblogging along with a note of feedback if you enjoyed. To do my part, I’ll be queuing these low-note fics one per day after this edition is published.

- Reblog of this rec list by “big blogs” (let’s say 1K followers and up) is especially appreciated, and not for my sake; it’s to get these wonderful writers with low note fics as much exposure as possible.

- Writers, make sure you scroll - you may be on here more than once!

- “Notes from Nash" at the very bottom of the post.

- For your mobile convenience, here’s The Nail Master Post of Editions

- And finally, shameless plugs....

 See Nash Write: Master List

You Totally Made That Up podcast - @youtotallymadethatup

Note: Just a line or two excerpt to paint a little picture - no specific feedback on these drabbles because each writer nailed it in the entirety - all are poignant, well-structured, thoughtful, and they did it all in a limited amount of words. Well done, all of you. 

181 words

The Wishes 📌  -  @sixtysevenandwhiskey 

It’s a lot of nothing, until nothing is all there is.

.

182 words

Stars 📌  -  @covered-byroses

She loved looking at the stars.

.

223 words

Storytelling 📌  -  @always-keep-writing

He shouldn’t be surprised that it ends up being a story.

.

230 words

A Long Forty Years  -  @babybluecas

Sometimes, he’d wish he was so much older.

.

352 words

Control 📌 -  @idreamofhazel

If only Dean knew the other, more biting things he holds under his tongue.

.

370 words

His Hair 📌 🚢  -  @gabrielfallstonight  

He often wondered if, by spending as much time on Earth as he did, he was growing almost human.

.

427 words

Topper  -  @alleiradayne  

Coffee. He just needed a cup. Or four. Okay, maybe the whole pot.

.

483 words

Tedium 📌  -  @smi727  

This situation was something Michael simply could not abide.

555 words

Kids These Days 📌  -  @revwinchester  

A little behind-the-scenes interlude wherein Dean has an interaction with some kids in town. In medias res, OCs developed in a short amount of space, thoughtful/nice message without being preachy.

.

560 words

Four Months Expired (But Still Good) 📌 🚢  -  @bendingsignpost

A delightful scene based on a premise that could've gone saccharine but stays the just right amount of sweet and humorous.

(I cannot tag this lovely, if someone would be so kind as to try to do so in the comments, it would be appreciated!)

.

570 words

Black 📌 - @sculptorofbeginningslibrary  

An introspective look at Dean in the time between waking up with his demonized soul and when he left the bunker; doesn't merely recap what we know; nice take on the physical changes; excellent characterization.

.

633 words

Smoked  -  @ameliacareful

A snicker-worthy tale of what should be an ordinary shopping trip, but as we know nothing can ever be simple for the brothers; well-structured, solid characterization, concise  descriptions that put you right there with them.

(I cannot tag this lovely, if someone would be so kind as to try to do so in the comments, it would be appreciated!)

.

664 words

Last Night  -  @atwistoffate

A brief interaction between you and Dean that is a perfect balance of snarky and cute, and (thank Chuck) Dean is portrayed realistically, and I personally salute the writer for not uttering a single Y/N or sweetheart (it can be done, folks). I'd also be remiss not to highlight this beauty: “You know what? I don’t even care,” Dean says, caring deeply.

.

714 words

Stay  -  @there-must-be-a-lock

Absolutely beautiful moment between you and Sam that doesn't get weighed down by over-dramatic pining, in part thanks to a sandwich. In medias res; descriptions that paint the picture without diving too deep; lovely from beginning to end.  

.

812 words

Carolina 📌  -  @atc74

A first-person, introspective tale of an interaction Dean has with a stranger. In medias res; sets the stage from the opening paragraph, putting you right into Dean's shoes; well-developed OC in short amount of time; great closing lines.

.

841 words

Strange Gifts 📌 -  @lastactiontricia  

Michael gives you the "gift" of knowing your potential fates. In medias res; great structure/descriptions that convey the mood without being belabored; clutch open-ended ending.  

1.1K words

Syruped and Feathered 📌 -  @mrswhozeewhatsis

A snicker-worthy on-the-hunt tale where you and the Winchesters get in a... well... a sticky situation. Ahem. Sorry, couldn't resist. Oh, and there's a surprise guest star that'll make you grin. In medias res, nice flow, creative use of prompts.

.

1.2K words

Don't Panic 📌  -  @koedeza

Beautifully written, somber tale about what eventually happens in the lives of hunters. In medias res, excellent structure/flow, fantastic characterization, clutch ending. Keep an eye out for this writer - they are consistently solid and do not disappoint.

.

1.3K words

'Til It All Falls Apart 📌  -  @lipstickandwhiskey

Angst done right in this story about what Dean might've gone through after Michael was cast out. Good flow, no laborious explanations of what we already know, reasonable actions/reactions from all.

.

1.4K words

Bite Me, BitFit 📌  -  @shy-violet-soul

Exactly what you think from the title - a funny story about Dean's battle with healthy living. In medias res, nice structure, great characterization, several killer lines.

.

1.4K words

Eggshells 📌  -  @hunenka

A coda to Nightmare Logic, this tackles Dean's internal processing of life as he now knows it, Sam in charge and what feels like a million people in his home. Beautifully written, Dean is as accurate as it gets, excellent flow, plausible scenario.

.

1.7K words

Told You So   -  @there-must-be-a-lock

How to do hot and sultry without smut - read and learn. This is a story about what should have been just an ordinary post-hunt night back at the bunker, when it turned to something more. Great opening paragraph, easy flow, trifecta of snarky-sweet-sexy.

.

1.8K words

Brother 📌  -  @sixtysevenandwhiskey

An exquisite look - to use the writer's words - at Dean over the years, through Sam's eyes. Excellent structure/verbiage, no unneeded repetition of things we already know, good use of song inspo, plausible within canon, feels genuine throughout.

.

1.8K words

The Lie 📌 -  @sophisticated-angel

Stunning tale (and add this to the pile of "Why the hell doesn't this have more notes?!" stories) about what happens to those who are left behind after a loved one dies - but as always in the Winchester world, nothing can ever be routine. In medias res, creative plotline, moving and heart-grabbing that leaves you with both a sense of rightness and a sense of unease.

.

2.9K words

The Unexpected Guest  -  @crispychrissy 

Per the writer's summary - "A day of researching takes a turn when you see something from your past that leads to some interesting discoveries." But, wait - this is so much more. Pay attention as you read, because the writer has left you clues along the way (starting with the title), and it's done quite deftly. In addition - nice blending of humor and drama, time taken to research the creature featured clearly evident, clutch ending.

.

3K words

Easier To Be Me 📌 -  @alleiradayne

A Sam + Reader story labelled "floof" by the writer, but it's sweet without bending saccharine; in medias res; great opening/closing lines.

[Nominated by @atc74 who said - “So I have read a couple things of hers, this I read a while ago, but it deserves some love, because it is just that good. Hope you like it This was so wonderful. Well written and beautiful."]

.

3.1K words

Teeth 📌   -  @lastactiontricia

Do you want to read something spooky that’s based on a true story, with a fantastic plot that has roots in a true story, which features well-developed characterization/accuracy in characterization, and is - in case I didn’t mention it - based on a true story?!

Read this. Find you a cozy corner, grab the drink of your choice whether it’s bourbon or hot chocolate, wrap up in a blanket, and Read. The. Story. It is unique, it is well-written, quality top to bottom, and it’ll give you the feels, tips to toes. Stop wasting your time on the same ol’, same ol’.

READ THE STORY

(Part of a collection, all are fantastic, so see also: Halloween Horror SPN One Shots Masterlist)

.

3.3K words

Lay Me Down 📌  -  @stusbunker

A solid case fic here that balances itself with some cheekiness thrown in amongst the drama (and a bonus for me, not a "Y/N" in sight - it can be done, folks). In medias res, moves at a quick clip, great line here: "The spell spread quickly, like spilled water on a tabletop..."

.

4.9K words

Shadow's Edge 📌  -  @saenalife 

A story of what happened one night when a routine retrieval of an item goes sideways. In medias res, excellent opening line/paragraph that perfectly sets the scene/mood (I mean - "Dark seems like too shallow a word for this. It goes beyond the absence of light - more like the light has never existed here at all..." - hello), creative plot, great structure (specifically: flashback/forward done right), and bonus kudos for switching things up with a feature not seen with regularity, that of a gender neutral lead.

.

5.6K words

The Wonders of Modern Technology ⚠️ -  @littlegreenplasticsoldier

If you aren’t familiar with Greenie, she’s another one of those rare writers ‘round these parts who gives us consistently solid stories with a unique style that’s all her own, and this one is no exception, a humorous tale of a piece of equipment that doesn’t exactly malfunction, but we’ll just say there’s, ah, user error [wink]. 

.

5.7K words

Like Ocean in the Desert 📌⚠️  -  @saenalife

Borrowing the writer's summary - "Baby needs some work before Dean can get back on the road. He went to the salvage yard for parts, but what he found was a human connection." In medias res, well-developed OC, nice premise, great structure/flow.

[Nominated by @littlegreenplasticsoldier who said - "Here’s a prime example of notes misaligning with quality. Pfft. Criminal. This is the third time I’ve read this."]

.

6.4K words

The First Bite 📌  -  @shy-violet-soul

A story from the way-back-when, and as for feedback, I’ll let the curator take it away....

[Nom'd by @mrswhozeewhatsis who said - "Confession: I love Weechesters. So, this fic was already up my alley from word one. Add in pie mentioned just in the author’s note, and I was already a happy camper! Imagine my surprise when I was sniffling halfway through because wee!Dean was just killing me! The OCs are very well fleshed out, without being distracting, and the whole story was just so well-written I finished it just wanting to hug everyone. The grammar and other technical stuff was at least flawless enough that I didn’t notice it, and the whole story just unfolded in front of me like a cootie-catcher. I think I’m in love, and I might go read it again, even though I should be writing. *swoon*"]

.

6.8K words

Gutted  -  @idreamofhazel

A case fic with some Dean + Reader sweet-n'-sultry on top. Nice opening paragraph that sets the tone, solid characterization, very creative plot/creature featured, excellent structure.

.

6.9K words

About Dean's Dreams   ⚠️ -  @fanforfanatic  

This writer has yet to disappoint - and this story is damn near pristine from start to finish. It’s an actual, on god, Dean-in-character dive into the woman of his dreams. Sound fluffy or angsty? Nope. You’re wrong. It isn’t either. What it is, is just right. I’m not telling you any more - when you next have time to sit and read and really absorb an introspective Dean piece, make this your first choice.

Say hello to a new (-ish!) writer, @salt-n-burn-em-all !

Doors 📌

You will not believe this is just her 2nd SPN fanfic - captivating and moving, and even if you're swiping a tear away, I think you'll find yourself with a smile at the last three words.

East of Nowhere ⚠️  -  @thecleverdame 

You and Sam are strangers trapped in a desolate mountain town where you live alone, isolated from the outside world, for five years.

Very creative scenario that takes you on an intimate journey and - most importantly - has quite the satisfying reveal.

.

How You and I Will Be  -  @katehuntington  

When a hellhound case in the mountains goes sideways, Dean and you find yourselves trapped in a small cabin, miles from civilization. Rescue is on its way, but will it be in time?

Opening paragraph sets the scene perfectly, you'll find yourself there immediately, and it's a plausible scenario of a hunt gone wrong. (We do love our case fics here at The Nail!)

.

If This Is A Dream  🚢 -  @wendibird 

Sam receives a tip about a restless spirit haunting a particular patch of woods in South Carolina - one who has asked for him by name. He must now deal with the thought of putting to rest someone he once cared for, but will things go that simply?

Phenomenal opening line/paragraph that puts you in Sam's headspace from the jump, and boy howdy can we all empathize with him, and it's a plausible scenario, one I personally haven't seen tackled til this.

.

Men of Cold Cases  -  @smi727

Sam had uncovered hundreds upon hundreds of cases the Men of Letters had never closed, [and the] idea was to investigate what those stodgy old nerds never got around to. Given the cases were at least 60 years old, the chances that any were still active were slim to none. They should all be milk runs…

Fantastic concept, completely original, and well-written to boot. Bonus? The writer has based the plots on actual cold cases and mysteries, and provides you links to the stories behind the story so you can learn more.

.

The Ellison Lane Legacy  -  @sixtysevenandwhiskey 

Sam finds a case. You’re reminded of a past you want to forget.

Cheers for a well-rounded original female character who is tough and vulnerable all at once. Interesting and creative story that's heavy, yes, but thanks to skilled writing the flow keeps it moving vs. getting mired down.

Wrath 📌  -  @waywardjoy

Shakespeare gets a run for his money here with a small fic inspired by some of his words. Beautifully composed, from the title to the usage of the lines, flows like a dream, evokes big emotion, and puts you right there in the action, breathtaking from start to finish.

.

The Runaway Vessel 📌  -  @butiaintgonnaloveem 

A creepy re-working of a popular children's story that will stay with you after you read it. Killer first line, clutch ending, and a detailed, stunning piece of artwork to boot from @lostmymuseagain, what a match made in heaven. This one dug deep, and definitely read like a cautionary fairytale about fate and choices that grandparents would tell/read to the children on a dark night around the fire, give ‘em a bit of a chill in spite of it. 

Ring-A-Ling  -  @winchester-writes & @littlegreenplasticsoldier & @mrswhozeewhatsis

To think, it all started with an innocent post about a tiny bell - get ready to laugh.

.

Ten Years Gone  -  @cinnamonanddean  

This is a short-and-sweet, most worthy exception to a The Nail rule that no RPF will be on the list, wherein Jensen reflects upon his time on the show.

Carriers  -  @violetwolfraven 

Daddy Loves To Be Murdered   -  @gabesnonnie 

Slay Ride  -  @bendingsignpost 

The Awakening  -  @rmeisel 

The Chosen One  -  @copperbadge 

The Night  -  @later0varies

Bedtime Stories & How Chad Got His Name  -  @lostmymuseagain (also see the artwork related to the Chad story here)

The Author  -  @thebibliosphere

Notes from Nash

The document with my little summaries and personalized feedback for each of these got eaten - basically, I had to re-do the list and time’s been scarce, so forgive me for the lateness.

Also, there was a good handful of stories that disappeared due to what I presume was the purge/people deleting or losing their blogs. I did make effort to check AO3 but I’m afraid some stellar work has been lost for good.

There were a lot of repeat writers and folks I’m friendly with in this edition, more than I typically feature - I strive to highlight mostly lesser known writers and, as noted, mostly fics with <100 notes - but they earned it (and I even chucked a few more from some of these peeps into the folder for the next edition, that’s how hard they’re rockin’ it). That’s why it’s so important y’all let me know about the unsung writers and their undiscovered jewels - submit the story links and your reviews to me (links to your reblogs with your comments is perfectly fine) any ol’ time. 

That’s it! What’re you waiting for??? Get to reading!

[deakyclicks]

Get Drunk and Fall Asleep | Ben Hardy

A/N | Hi!! Welcome to my blog, I’ve been on Tumblr for awhile now just requesting things from others, but now I’ve decided to write some of my own ideas or requests from anyone wanting some writing! This is my first work on here (also a piece from my imagine book) and I hope you enjoy this fluffy short fic! Feel free to request whenever and I’ll write it as soon as I can! 

I DO NOT OWN BEN HARDY OR THE PHOTOS ON HIS FAKE PROFILE!

Description | When your best friend convinces you to create a Tinder profile for the night, you end up matching with charming blond brit.

Style | Short Fic

Warnings | Drinking & extreme fluffy and flirty Ben

Words | 1.1k

tinder dates were never a situation you would voluntarily put yourself in. however, when you and your best friend, amanda, were sitting on the couch on a particular friday night in october, there was enough alcohol to put her in a rambunctious state of mind. you swore you'd left your phone in your pocket, but as you took a slick sip of your second glass of cabernet, you noticed the device in the hands of your intoxicated best friend. "amanda what are you doing?" you complained, leaning forward to snatch the phone from her, but she was too quick and moved farther back.

"i'm tried of being your only weekend plans. it's time you get a boyfriend (y/n)." amanda groaned sluggishly as she tapped her fingers away on your screen.

"gee thanks. that makes me feel really good." you sarcastically spoke, placing your glass on the coffee table in front of you. your best friend handed you the phone and on the screen appeared the tinder app. you mentally moaned at the idea of setting up a dating profile.

"c'mon (y/n) you know i love you more than anything, but when are we going to go on double dates together? ya'know, william, me, you, and your man? we can turn this party of two into four!" she pouted which only made you feel bad about not wanting to set up an account. it wasn't that you didn't want a boyfriend, in fact you'd love to have one, you just found dating apps a desperate call for attention.

you relaxed your shoulders and let your head fall back onto the pillows fixed on the couch behind you. "if this will get you to stop whining, i'll do it, but i'm only keeping the account for a day." you complied, opening up the 'create a profile' preference. the first step was to set up a profile photo and then 3-4 'about me' photos. after settling on one vacation, one brunch, and one party photo that were all hand selected by you, amanda wrote out your bio. "twenty-two and looking for a boo? amanda you are so drunk, i can't even believe you wrote something so horrid." you gagged, changing the bio to something neutral and turned off the phone before placing it on the coffee table next to the now empty glass of wine.

"you can't just turn the phone off and wait without checking out a few guys. why are you being such a debbie downer." amanda frowned as her flimsy fingers found their way to the turn the phone back on. you sighed to yourself as your friend handed you the phone once more to drunkenly instruct you on how to operate the application. "so when ever you see someone you fancy, you swipe right. see someone you aren't interested in? swipe left. pretty easy aye?"

you nodded your head in response before scanning the burnette on the screen. he wasn't unattractive, but by his bio of 'young and looking for some fun ;)' had you deciding to pass on him. you were in no place for a hookup mainly because you really wanted a long term relationship, even if you were on one of the most desperate dating apps ever.

minuets after swiping left for what felt like millions of times, your eyes stumbled upon a gorgeous blondie. you were never one to go for a blond guy, but this specific one had your eye. his name was ben hardy, originally from the england but moved here to pursue his acting career, which rather interested you. his profile consisted of many wholesome 'boyfriend' photos such as dog pictures, which was a gentle touch.

after deciding on swiping right on this boy, you instantly received a matched notification. "amanda look-" you began to giddily tell you friend, only to find her fast asleep due to the heavy amounts of wine in her system. a low chuckled erupted from your stomach as you continued on with the notification. the next step you came to realize was that this mysterious ben had already sent you a message. when you clicked the icon bell, you were surprised to see a fairly normal message instead of an inappropriate emoji.

benhardy1 hey stranger.

you hi there, may i say, it's smart of you to upload photos of your dog on your dating profile.

benhardy1 may i say, you do know how to pick out photos yourself.

you funny you should say that. my friend told me the photos i chose were horrid and would 'scare contenders away'.

benhardy1 i beg to differ on that one. maybe she doesn't know what she is talking about.

you you say that, but she actually forced me to get this account. so maybe not too unknowledgeable.

benhardy1 ah i see, maybe so. you're an actress i see?

you i believe they call it struggling actress actually. i've never had any big roles.

benhardy1 aye that's alright, that's how i started actually.

you wait a minute- i've seen you once before. 'eastenders' right?

benhardy1 you've got me there. that was one of my first roles after theater.

you a theater kid as well? looks like we have much in common mr. hardy.

benheardy1 i guess so. you watched 'eastenders'? aren't you from new york?

you my best friend likes to watch the bbc and anything that isn't american television.

benhardy1 your friend seems interesting.

you hopefully not too interesting, she's got a boyfriend.

benhardy1 lol not in that way. as in she knows how to slowly get the two of us together somehow.

you i'd let her applaud herself with your messages on her work, but i'm afraid she is drunk and asleep in front of me. little does she know i'm texting the peter beale.

benhardy1 don't get too excited, i'm not peter beale anymore. drunk and asleep you say? it's only eight. early night for you then i guess?

you i wish, i often find it impossible to sleep most nights.

benhardy1 why so? bad breakup?

you no, just too much work to catch up on, especially when a casting call hasn't worked out in ages.

benhardy1 well it says you are only a couple miles away. why not come to my place to get drunk and fall asleep? seems like your friend is the one having all the fun.

you i'd love to take you up on that offer, but sadly i barely know you enough to get intoxicated with you.

benhardy1 my friends are here, don't worry. we are just about to start watching some film my friend rami rented.

you hm tempting, what film?

benhardy1 incredibles 2

you actually i'll come over.

benhardy1 really? what changed your mind so fast (y/n)?

you no cyberstalker would admit to getting drunk while watching a children's movie.

benhardy1 hey! i actually enjoy the incredibles. plus its more entertaining to watch when you're in the wrong state of mind.

you yeah, i'm definitely coming over and getting drunk with you

[mysticgirl84]

Barson

It should have happened! Why, oh why did it not happen?

I'm watching Series 19, living in the UK I'm a little behind my American counterparts, but the Rafael and Olivia scenes.... Wow!

Femanist Icon Rafael!

Rafael telling Olivia to trust her instincts, was so lovely. He gave her the advice, it's just a she that she didn't trust them, but really wanting Naoh to have a family.

Rafael wanting to protect Olivia in 'Something Happened', and being unable to. Him watching her. Worrying about her. I wish he'd gone in afterwards to see her.

In Gone Baby Gone:

Rafael trying to comfort Liv when she lost her son. So cute and so in character.

Visiting afterwards and how relaxed he was, and how he talked to her melted my heart.

When he saw her back after she was meant to be on leave, and his comment... Oh I love that man. When he went to see her about the mentally ill mother, his tie lose showing how comfortable he was, he didn't hesitate.. And his comment about the elephant always makes me laugh.

"What's he in for?"

"Stealing all the Ice cream"

"I never trusted that elephant!"

Then her hand gently on his back, then Liv and him talking about whether the Mum belongs behind bars because she's mentally ill, Rafael immediately knows who she's talking about (Sheila) and she goes on to explain her situation, and he listens to her, nodding and he's words 'Liv your going to get through this, you've gotten through a lot worse' and the tears in her eyes, then him picking up the book while she's on the phone, and the comfort he seems to feel doing it.

Then it was Liv's turn to reassure him at her apartment, 'You did your job Rafael' when he's conflicted about what's happened. Then her offering aquitting or drop the charges, to which he replies that he would undermine the judicial system. "The law says she's guilty, but your heart says she's not so, so what are you going to do?". We know from Liv's history she's had to contend with arguements between the law and the heart. They share a look that says 'I understand' and his eyes are almost pleading, before he admits he doesn't know. Their eyes are just amazing, heartfelt and trusting as they look at each other, reading each other, almost knowing what they would do in that situation.

He's genuine laugh and smile when Liv appears in the office, he is really happy to see her.

"Whether you deserved it or not, I have absolute faith in your humanity"

Then he delivers the verdict from the family court judge, speaking quickly, almost like he has to get it out before he stops himself to regret his choice.

'So justice was served?' Olivia eyes are always so emotive, the window to her soul. Rafael looks at her 'I hope so' he says as the camera goes back to Liv. He really wants to believe he made the right choice. Rafael values her opinion and that reassurance that he made the right choice.

'I hope so' is his final response.

And I've not even watched he's final 3 episodes and I'm already feeling sad, I wanted Barson. I honestly wish they had gone down this line. They are equeally matched, they respect each other, they care and I think they love each. Its a shame they couldn't have been a couple. At the end there would have been no conflict of interest. I think they were soulmates. Still do. Maybe he will be back in the future and they will be united again ..... Please??

They have the art of silent communication, eye contact and gestures to convey support, a conversation, it's amazing to watch. Plus I wonder if Rafael ever got his juicey steak with Liv?

Update: Those final episodes were amazing! I seriously love and adore their partnership. It's respectful, healthy and equal.

May I add that they short changed Rafael with an episode arc. Too much in one episode, a funeral, a kidnap, hostage negotiation, prosecute or not or prosecute Aaron Householder, Drew's life support withdrawal, Barba's conflicts of interest and its almost like he doesn't agree with the law anymore, Peter Stone prosecuting, Rafael being defended, charges dismissed, Liv's hug, you know whatever happened, she would have stood by him. Rafael leaves Liv on the courthouse steps, it was too much for one episode. It would have been better to have kidnap in one episode, then end of the episode Barba makes he's choice and then the next episode is when he is prosecuted. Peter Stone wasn't given a hope in hell, even with his tragic back story for an audience of Barba loving fans. Barba needed to be prosecuted by someone who wouldn't be taking his place. Then introduce him in the third episode, fresh. I think Peter would have got a warmer welcome because all I wanted to do after he prosecutes Rafael, is to tell him to leave and never come back. I often wonder if it's true, one of the reasons they say Raul left was because he didn't like where they taking his character. Would he have not liked the fact he didn't see things in black and white, that he let his emotions cloud his judgement, that he was questioning the law?

Well that's my humble opinion anyway, and I've rambled on to much. If you are still reading, I send you Kudos as I think I switched off a while ago.

On an addition Fin is shamazing in this seasons. He has Liv's back and for the next season and he will make sure she is protected. I absolutely love their friendship. Ifs developed so much, and at a good pace.