#coping with the ending 2 times in one week thanks guys

[cerealjellyfish]

I always wanted to draw this guy because I thought he would translate really well into my art style.. and he does :)

[noirleo]

Oooo, can i plz hear all your jealousy HC for the bayverse boys? :3 hope ur week is going well!

oh my god yes

jealous turtles from most to least ◡̈

(all turtles + reader are adults ♡)

1. raph

c’mon, did you expect anyone else?

being a middle child with three brothers, raph grew up sharing everything he had—his food, his clothes, his personal space. so when he finds someone he has feelings for, he makes a point that he’s not going to share with anyone.

his brothers prefer to take more subtle, graceful methods of claiming their s/os when they feel threatened. raphael does not have a subtle bone in his body.

if someone tries to hit on you while he’s there, he will physically put himself in between the two of you, glaring down at his prey target until they take the hint (and probably flexing his crossed arms as he does so. he doesnt do all of that lifting for nothing).

vern tried to chat you up, once, when you first met. raph swiftly handled it, and you’re not exactly sure what was said, but vern now makes a point to keep a very conservative amount of space between you and him at all times.

a lot of his jealousy comes from insecurity—he definitely thinks you could do better, find someone you could actually walk around with, show off to your friends and go on vacations with.

so how does he cope? by proving his indispensability to you. when you date raph, you don’t lift a finger. need something from the top cabinet? he’s got it in his hands before you even have to ask. want to see a sold out concert? how convenient, he just managed to find some floor seats for you and your friends

don’t ask how he got them, it’s really best for everyone if you don’t actually know (both legally and ethically speaking).

asking someone else for help (god forbid you ask vern or one of his brothers, especially leo) will probably end up in some icy silent treatment and very short yes/no answers to questions that can only be cured by insistent apologies and lots of kisses

2. mikey

oh, our beloved little mikey

mikey spouts confidence, but much like raphael, he is deeply afraid that you’ll leave him for someone whose complexion is a little less green

while raph’s jealousy is defensive, mikey’s is pleading. he needs a lot of verbal reassurance that you’re his, nobody else’s

even when he’s not feeling jealous or insecure about the relationship, he just likes to hear you say it—and once you do, he’ll believe it wholeheartedly, all doubts and anxieties set aside (for the time being, at least)

when you’re around others (and even when you’re not) mikey is extremely physically affectionate, and probably will mention to anyone who will listen in a very unsubtle manner that the two of you are dating and really, really happy together, thank you very much

if you’re sitting, you’re sitting on his lap (or so close that you might as well be). if you’re standing, you can bet that he’s got an arm slung around your waist or your shoulder—just so everyone in the room is clear who you came with and who you’re leaving with

3. donnie

donnie’s jealousy is quiet. he’s much less outward about his feelings of jealousy than raph or mikey, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t there.

when you mention a creepy guy from one of your classes getting a little too close for your comfort, he’ll nod and empathize; little do you know, he’s got the guy’s social security number, address, and name of his childhood pet pulled up on his laptop within seconds.

mysteriously, he doesn’t really show up for class anymore. rumours float around about some pretty shady things hes done being sent to the dean, president, and every RA on campus.

you confront donnie, and he just shrugs innocently. huh, weird, guess it’s a good thing you guys don’t hang out anymore then right? and then he’ll change the subject, but the triumphant gleam in his eye doesn’t go unnoticed

if someone starts to get flirtatious with you while donnie’s around though? all bets are off.

standing at 6’8 and made of pure lean muscle, donnie is fully aware of how intimidating he is, and it radiates off of him.

all it takes is one glare, leering from over your shoulder, and suddenly the person trying to flirt with you has some very important business to handle on the opposite side of the room for the rest of the night.

when you turn around to see donnie standing behind you, one hand on the small of your back, he’s back to his relaxed, smiley self

4. leo

leo is definitely the least jealous of his brothers. he’s confident, bordering on arrogant, and knows what he brings to the table.

i mean, c’mon. the barista who wrote their number on your coffee cup may be cute and share your taste in music, but how many times have they saved new york from an alien invasion? can they do anything to protect you in the event of a foot clan takeover?

didn’t think so.

communicating and trust are monumental to leonardo. right off the bat, he’s very straightforward about his intentions with you, and expects the same level of loyalty from his partner

leo’s trust isn’t easily earned so if he trusts you, then he does so completely and wholeheartedly. if you say that you and someone else are just friends, then he won’t think twice about it

that’s not to say he never gets jealous though. he’s just much more lowkey about it than the others

if you mention offhand being catcalled on your way to the lair one night, you’ll have a private escort for the foreseeable future

hes not big on pda, but you can bet that if he catches someone else’s scent on you, especially another guy, he’ll be extra cuddly when he sees you

he’ll for sure try to play it off though and subtly give you something that smells like him. oh, you seem cold, here’s one of his hoodies that he conveniently had on hand. go ahead and put it on. he’s just looking out for you, no ulterior motives here.

you see right through him, but you’re willing to look the other way for some extra snuggles.

[81folklore]

happiness - CL16

pairing: charles leclerc x ex!reader (fc: sabrina carpenter + pintrest) part 2

summary: releasing a song about your ex might finally stop the rumors surrounding your breakup (or: you release happiness about your ex charles leclerc)

authors note: this is my first ever post (and social media au) so please bear with me as im still figuring this all out!!) i dont use proper grammer and may mispell things!! the song ‘happiness’ by taylor is one of my faves so i had to use it, i am interpreting the song in a very specific way to fit the story! i do not own ‘happiness’ nor any song mentioned in this fic. it ended up longer than expected im so sorry😅

masterlist

yourusername

liked by annacathcart, henrymoodie and 1,550,456 others

its times like these wish i had a time machine,, i will miss you guys SO MUCH!! buuuut we are going international for the first time and i cannot wait to share my music with all you beautiful people🌟

see you soon paris & link for tickets in bio💌

view comments

user5 cannot wait to see you in paris!!

user7 this tour has been one of the best things to ever happen to me, cant wait to scream nonsense at you once again🫶

user10 genuinely cant stand her after what she put charles through

user9 what are you talking about? their breakup was mutual

user10 seems like she doesnt care which means it clearly hasnt affected her

henrymoodie so excited to be opening for you in europe!

yourusername youre in for a treat tour mate🫣

user2 sigh i miss her and landos interactions

charles_leclerc

liked by olliebearman, arthur_leclerc and 1,164,121 others

definitely not the result we were hoping for but thank you for making my home race as special as always, onto the next one!

view comments

user10 you tried your best which is all we ask

user3 i missed yn this week, home race didnt feel the same😔

user1 i thought it felt different, he seemed very distracted this weekend

user13 at least you finished the race (im coping badly)

user4 we love you charles keep pushing❤️🤍FORZA FERRARI

yourusername

liked by newhopegeorge, landonorris and 2,025,754 others

how am i supposed to leave you now that you’re already over..

paris you were so so lovely what did i do to deserve you guys :’) next stop brussels💌

view comments

user89 talented, brilliant, incredible, show stopping, spectacular, wonderful, amazing!!

user52 forever missing you💌

user71 ok but yn why were you teasing a new song at the show…

yourusername shhhh

landonorris super proud of you

yourusername thank youuu landooo

user2 my prayers have been answered woooo

user46 i feel like i missed something, are lando and yn friends?

user5 yeah! lando was how yn met charles and theyve been friends for a few years now

ynupdates

liked by user5, user16 and 13,456 others

yn on a new song she plans to release soon tonight at brussels ‘ive been writing a song for a while that really just helps explain the way ive been feeling these past few months, it was very therapeutic to write and ive really enjoyed the process!’ and when asked what the song was about she said ‘its about someone who will always mean alot to me, they know who they are and thats enough for me!’

she seemed very happy to be able to talk about it so expect more updates about that soon! next stop cologne, grab your tickets from the link in our bio💌

view comments

user5 i cannot wait for new music

user16 what if she performs it on tour huh? what then? WHAT THEN??

user15 it’s definitely about charles, she had that same smile she wore when talking about him previously☹️

yourusername

liked by vicdeangelis, lizzymcalpine, arthur_leclerc and 2,450,470 others

i cant make it go away by making you a villain, i guess its the price i paid for seven years in heaven…

view comments

user5 these have to be song lyrics right??

user7 sounds like it might be about charles🤨

user10 not more music about charles, at least he gets free promo from them..

arthur_leclerc we miss you

yourusername i miss you guys too!! come to a show soon?

[inevitably-johnlocked]

hey, steph! how are you, like, genuinely? not the small talk. i wanna listen

Hey Lovely 💜🖤

I want to apologize for putting this off for so long... which should be a clue as to how I am actually doing.

Honestly? Not good, but I'm trying my best. It's been... a time. Will put under a cut for those who don't want to read about the tagged items.

TL;DR – my real life is a bit chaotic, and I hide a lot from y'all because I REALLY try not to be negative here since my blog is where I come to be happy AND because I am a very private person, but I try my best to just keep going day to day as the chaos settles down slowly.

I've got some good things coming though, so I hope a week's rest next week when I'm off (and will probably take a break from here too) will reset my brain.

Work has been insane, and is most of the cause of my mental distress for the past few months. From Easter until Canada Day Weekend at my job is lovingly referred to as "Silly Season" simply because of how on-the-fly, balls-to-the-wall our workload is until summertime downtime officially begins for us. Without disclosing too much, it's basically non-stop, long hours for me until one of the 3 break weeks we get during the this long stretch happens where, incidentally because of the nature of my job and the team I work on, it actually gets BUSIER for us.

It actually ended earlier than we expected this year (yesterday) and we'll be "quieter" until the end of September now. See an opportunity, I actually took next week off between the two long weekends because my mental health has taken a severe hit and I'm having trouble just... enjoying things? I'm haven't gamed or drew in a few weeks, and blogging and writing feels like a chore. I literally just come home, file this blog, reply to one or two asks, and then go to bed, and do it all over again the next day. Day in and day out, for 3 months. On weekends I have to force myself out of my apartment because I KNOW I will sink lower if I don't leave.

On top of that, my brain has convinced me that literally everyone hates me: friends, coworkers, family, you guys, my damned plants. I just feel very alone these days and... I'll be real here, I've almost abandoned this blog a few times in the past few months. I feel like I make fic lists that no one reblogs or likes and tell me they're all shit. I post my art and I barely break 20 notes. I write something and I get maybe 2 likes. I can't really answer any thoughtful asks because my mental state's been in the shitter for months. I desperately want to reply to the few sexuality asks I have and I physically can't. Being on my computer – after working ON a computer for my day job for 12 hour days everyday – feels like too much, so I try to limit my time on the blog now too.

I just try to keep carrying on, encouraged by the once-in-a-blue-moon testimonial ask I get thanking me for still being here. I thank YOU guys for reminding me that people still like coming here.

Stressed about money and food and rent just like everyone else, and just getting frustrated at other things.

And finally, my uncle (my dad's brother and my godfather) hasn't been doing well health-wise, and he's being moved to assisted living next week. His health has been declining since Easter, so it's been a bit of worrying time for relatives.

Having my therapist helps a lot. She talks me through a lot of my complicated feelings, my sense of self and ways to cope with my anxiety and stress. I'm talking to her again next week, so no worries, gang. As I said, I just keep on keeping on.

Some positivity though:

I booked next week off to try to just... recenter myself. To forget about everything and TRY to get back to doing the things I love. I will probably take a break from this blog as well during that time to limit my social-media time. It's not ideal but I need a break from my computer, I think.

I go to the gym a lot more these days, which has helped with the seething annoyance I constantly have at work. Usually feel better after it.

And because of the gym and getting out more, I've been slowly feeling better physically, better than I have since before 2019. The break from work is for the mental health, LOL.

I'm getting my hair recoloured next week. Can't afford it, really, but I just REALLY need to feel better about myself again, and I always feel so different when I colour my hair. I was doing so good for awhile. I want that again.

Anyway, I'm sorry to bombard y'all with my complicated mess of a brain. I really do appreciate you asking, so THANK YOU. I rarely get asked in real life if I am okay because I keep very private due to past people betraying my trust. And I don't like seeing people unhappy, so I feel if I tell people about my problems, then I feel I am a burden, so I just... continue existing.

Thank you for letting me be a burden just this once.

[commander-sarahs-art]

Hey friends! As ya’ll might know me and Lacy said goodbye to our kitty last week and thats just.. one of the many nightmare scenarios that has graced our 2024 so far, So things are a little slower on my end than i’d like. but as my therapist said i have to be kind to myself.

So my updated commission timeline is now usually 2 weeks-2months from the time you put in your form. This allows me some more time to be able to work on other things and just try and cope with all of this grief and stress surrounding me. Time you wait goes on where youre at on my trello and with some comms bigger than others that slows my progress a bit. I am trying my absolute hardest to do things quickly, But i also know that this year has absolutely sucked for us and its okay for me to take things slower than i normally would. I apologize for the delay on my end. But i am trying my best, my best just happens to be… not as fast as id like!

Thank you guys for always being so patient with me and for supporting me!! As always my ask box and dms are open! So please feel free to shoot any questions or concerns at me or if you just want to talk:)

[veemunson86]

Mrs munson

Chapter 5. Was so tired when I wrote this, I'm gonna start a little section of the mastlist with little in detail extras of the moments at random. Also send in some requests you'd like to see for this series!!

Masterlist

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Ever since the day he met your girl, Eddie was never the same again. It amazed you how great he was with her, and how much she adored him.

It was rough at first, having her break from her routine now that he lived with the two of you, but it was an adjustment you all worked on together.

It was hard explaining a cover story to prove he was really innocent, nobody could ever know what really happened. Everyone knew of what happened to Jason, and it was Steve's idea, to tell everyone Jason went out of control and he was the one responsible for chrissys death, wnd couldn't cope with what he did, and spiraled out, attacked Lucas before the events after. And surprisingly, everyone believed it. It meant alot to finally have his name cleared.

The hardest part was trying to find a way to explain to everyone who thought he was dead, that he was alive. So you did what you should have done from the beginning, you told the truth.  The only people who knew of his death were the hellfire guys, and the party's parents, you told the parents that was the safest thing for eddie until his name was cleared, and you told his friends the truth. You didn't sugar coat anything, and they took it very well, just haply to have their friend back. They had all become uncles to Amelia, and she grew to love them all.

You woke one morning to start your new routine.  You sat up, before being dragged back down my Eddie. He groaned tiredly" 5 more minutes.' He mumbled sleepily. " babe it's already 9." You giggled softly. Every morning was like this now, and you wouldn't have it any other way. You were about to agree until you heard babbling coming from your daughters nursery . "I'll get her." He said eagerly, jumping out of bed and running to the nursery, coming back with you're happy girl. She gave you a big toothy grin, now having 2 on the top row. "Goodmoring my sweet girl ' you kissed her cheek. She squealed and kicked her chubby little legs. " ready for today little flower girl?" Eddie asked in a cutesy baby voice. Ah yes, your wedding. Now, like everything in Hawkins, it would be a bit different, not a big wedding.  You planned a small get together in a beautiful outside area in the middle of town, and then a small after party at your home.

"You're gonna look so cute in your little dress aren't you sweetie?" He asked, kissing her cheeks. She cooed and looked up her dad with a wide smile. " what time do we have to be there again?" He asked, bouncing Amelia in his arms,  causing her to coo " 11. So we have like a hour and a half to get ready, then we will leave at 10:30 to head there." You said smiling. "And are you sure you don't want me to wear a tux? I will if you want me to." He said smiling. You smiled "I want you to wear what you want. I'm not wearing a big fancy dress, it's just a quick ceremony and then we have the party, so we should be comfy." You said kissing his cheek.

You both decided to dress your style, so he wore black jeans, black boots, a long-sleeved led zeppelin shirt, and his vest. You wore shorts, a Metallica t shirt, and a red leather jacket, and high heeled black boots.

Although you wore that same outfit every other week in school, it was the first he'd seen since he'd been back, so when you walked down his jaw dropped. You blushed as he stood at the end of the hall with wide eyes and a open mouth." You look... wow.." you giggled "thank you, you look very wow too" you smiled and kissed him softly, which he returned. "She ready?' You asked as you saw Amelia in her stroller. Eddie picked her out the cutest outfit which had a matching diaper cover. It was a pink flowery dress with matching pink bows, as he did her hair in little curly pigtails. "Oh she is adorable!" You got out your camera and snapped a few pictures.

*because I'm not about to type out the whole ceremony, skip to the end*

Steve was thrilled when you and Eddie asked him to be the one to marry you both. He finished and let you guys go in with vows " you may now kiss the bride.' He smiled and everyone cheered, you laughing as Eddie picked you up, your legs around his waist as he kissed you. "Ready to go party Mrs munson?" Mrs munson.. it had such a ring to it. "Let's do it Mr munson." You said before kissing him again. He set you down "alright everyone, party at the munson house !"

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If you'd like to see the wedding after party, I will Have a little section of the masterlist with extra moments and little thoughts soon!!

Tags:

[percywinchester27]

*Waves nervously* Hey, guys! It’s me... back again :)

Firstly, thank you so much for the kind messages. You folks are some of the sweetest peeps around, no kidding. I actually did make a long post explaining everything about a month back, but tumblr being tumblr glitched and the post was lost forever to the tumblr abys when I hit ‘post.’ I didn’t have it in me then to rewrite the whole thing. The gist of it is:

1. My grandmother passed away (That bit everyone knows because it was the last post I made)

2. Two days after that, I decided to mess up my life even more and end a ten-year-old kind-of relationship. People who have been following me for a while now would know about it.

3. College life got really, really hard all of a sudden. The academic pressure, unnecessarily severe HOD and crushing work burden basically left me with no time to write or be here. 

4. This was my first time living by myself in a new city and I have no shame in admitting that I underestimated how much effort it is to keep yourself alive, pay the rent by yourself and adjust to living in a whole new city.

5. I got sick in the middle. Really sick. Lost 12 pounds kind of sick. It sucked.

Long story short, I feel like a different person from the one who posted the last chapter of ‘The New Mrs. Winchester.’ The girl who envisioned the story had fallen out of love long ago and clung to the series by making it a coping mechanism, to continue living in denial, afraid to spit out the words that would end the relationship. The reader in the series had a man who understood her trauma, and treated her the way she needed to be treated... and I didn’t have that in real life. The series had become an escape of sorts. But the more I wrote it, the more resentful I felt for what the reader had and what I didn’t. That’s never good, right? Starting to envy your own creation?

Then my grandmother passed. And you know that reckless self-destructive urge to wreck everything when even one thing goes wrong? Yeah, that’s what made me pick up the phone and end it. I did it by text because my voice wouldn’t hold and I couldn’t stop crying. I think I cried for hours in my tiny room. Then the next day I had to leave for a study trip so I didn’t even have the support of my friends... no shoulder to cry on. Back then, I thought I deserved to feel the pain, deserved to be alone and deal with it myself because I was hurting a good soul. It was a dark time. Everything seemed to be falling apart. 

In the end, he was quite nice about it, and we ended it like two mature people with nothing but best wishes for one another. I hope he is happy in the country he wants to make his home. 

It’s been five months since. I am doing so much better now. I have adjusted to the losses and recovered about ten pounds ;) I’ve also started seeing someone new. He’s very good to me :)

For the summer months, I’m back home. Agreed there’s a 45 hours a week internship, but I don’t have to fend for myself day in and day out. So, while there are no promises... I’ll do my best to get back to writing! I am hoping to get some of my writing inspiration back... So fingers crossed? ;)

If you’ve stuck around till here.... once again, thank you for not ditching my ass in the five months of radio silence. You guys are truly something.

Love always!

-Ana xoxo

[rip-us-xoxo]

Hello! Could I request a fred × reader after the war (fred survives) where reader is too overwhelmed with everything that was going on so they decide to move to LA and start a new life?

This is super interesting! Thank you for requesting, I went more angsty with this one so hope you enjoy it!

WARNINGS- Mentions of Fred (almost) dying

~~~~~

Molly wasn’t happy but she knew it was for the best. She could tell you and Fred needed a fresh start. When you two would go over for dinner, you just weren’t the same happy couple you were before.

The couple that made everyone jealous. You two made each other genuinely happy, and now there was just gloom looming around you both.

Fred was hurt physically, the scars on his face and body making that obvious. Meanwhile, you always seemed on edge, constantly clinging onto Fred, or not even being able to look in anyone's direction. Even George could tell something needed to change.

When he would come home, silence filled where laughter used to be or you were crying in your and Fred’s room while he tried to console you. But, Fred wasn’t much better. He had constant nightmares and always had a blank stare on his face, probably thinking about the battle. As much as George wanted to help, he didn’t know how. He was also scarred from the battle. Everyone was.

Fred was proclaimed dead for 2 whole minutes before you restarted his heart in desperation. It was the worst pain and fear anyone had ever gone through. George almost lost his twin.

So, as much as it hurt him to see you two go, he knew people had different ways of coping with trauma, and this seemed like the best option for you two, starting over.

When you guys arrived in LA, you guys had no idea what you were doing. You were in the muggle world, something you two were not familiar with. But, Fred’s reassuring kiss as you two arrived gave you the confidence that everything was going to be okay.

You were quickly proved wrong when you two got jobs. The apartment you rented was more expensive than you two planned for, so there was no time for adjustment, you two needed jobs right away.

Fred found a kid's toy shop to work at. He helped to design toys at their main office, which he thought would be easy. It ended up being 10-hour days, 4 days a week. But, he usually ended up going in on Friday too since he was the best there.

As bad as you felt for Fred, your job wasn’t any better. You looked to a small coffee shop for work. You wanted something low-stress and you thought you found that. But, you didn’t realize that most people in LA must run on 3 hours of sleep because you were busy with angry, tired, customers constantly. It had become so much, in fact, that you couldn’t handle it anymore and quit a month in. Which is how you got into this situation.

You waited on the couch, anxiously. Fred was supposed to be home 30 minutes ago. He was most likely just held up at work but you couldn’t help but think the worst since it’s almost happened once.

You were wrapped in a blanket, watching a show on your new muggle television, when you heard the door open. You immediately stood up and ran for the door. But what you didn’t expect was for you to see his smiling face and start crying.

“Hey, hey, what’s wrong?” he asked, dropping his coat and running to hug your body that was now dropped to the floor. “Everything!” you sobbed. “Okay, okay,” he consoled as he helped you stand up, “let’s go sit down.”. You tried to calm down as you walked, but the moment you sat down and looked up to make eye contact with him, the waterworks started up again.

“Why is everything wrong?” he asked as he tried to move hair out of your face. His heart was breaking. “We sh-should’ve never moved,” you cried, refusing to look at him. “Why?” he asked, now caressing your thigh.

“We moved here to have a fresh start and n-now you’re miserable because of that job and I’m not helping because I just sit h-here all day because I couldn’t handle the stress of a stupid job at a stupid coffee shop,” you cried, gradually getting louder and more upset.

“I’m not miserable-” he started, trying to calm you down. “But you are! I see the eye bags under your eyes because you get up at 6 in the morning and don’t go to bed until 1 am!” you sobbed, “I’m trying to look for a job but no one’s taking me because I’m useless. Useless, useless, usele-”, you were cut off by lips on yours.

“Stop it right now, I’m not going to sit here and let you talk about yourself like that,” he said sternly. “But it’s true!” you cried.

“No it’s not, I promised we’d get through this together, right?” he said as he wiped the tears from your cheeks. “It doesn't feel like we’re doing it together,” you said, calmer than before.

“When I come home, who’s there to run to the door and hug me after a stressful day at work?” he asked. You didn’t say anything, now realizing how embarrassing it was to be crying like this.

“Who?” he asked once more. “Me?” you said shamefully. “Mhm, and who’s there to comfort me when I have a nightmare?”, “Me,”, “See? It’s you, you are there for me constantly. Yeah, work is dreadful but you’re the thing I look forward to, the person who reminds me why I’m working that hard in the first place so that we can build a beautiful life together with no worries. Which is what we came here to do,” he told you, a genuine look behind his eyes, comforting you.

“I love you,” he stated, putting his forehead to yours.

“I love you.”

~~~~~~~~~

xoxo

[fumifooms]

was not expecting how head over heels i'd fall for marchil- i stg there's something they put in the sauce like goddamn! and i've loved seeing your posts analyzing their dynamic, really helped articulate what i was feeling. i was wondering if you had any fic recs, or any recommendations for ships with a similar vibe? i'm hungry for them...

I know right, marchil gripped me in a chokehold out of nowhere and still hasn’t let go… The sauce was designed by the demon for me to get addicted specifically. It’s been too long since I haven’t written fic for them. I’m still chipping away at my Marcille & Chil arc analysis I know I always mention it and I started the draft in January but I SWEARRR… Season 1 is ending next week :/ On the upside I’ll probably be more focused. After that analysis, which is only analyzing in depth like one aspect/half of their intertwined arc btw so who knows there might be a part 2 one day, I kept thinking it’d prob be my last marchil analysis but let’s be real, probably not. Every week I find something new to point out about them aah…… Dungeon food, ahh, dungeon food…

Fanfic rec wise, well first I have my own marchil fics, to which I mostly recommend Grind Me Down Sweetly, and then feel free to browse my marchil bookmarks for what seems good! I don’t know what your tastes are but Shroomyystar makes super good angst (and smut), my favorite being 'Til our fingers decompose, keep my hand in yours about Marcille getting deathly sick and the dilemma to confess or to not confess, incredibly haunting piece of bittersweet but soul-crushing angst AND character study. Like wow! Chilchuck I need to throw you in a river. I want you beside me is cute bedsharing banter. From me to you makes my head spin and makes me shake my screen. And- *gets dragged off before I can mention more* Meanwhile on the flipside, Anita_Amai (the first ao3 marchil writer, still going strong 👏👏) is especially great at offering short and sweet pieces, the tone is usually light and comedic and it always makes me smile and giggle, gives me fluff attacks, the fics always a strong good scene or theme idea too. Just browse and pick any, it’s a good time. There’s soo many more. Honestly I recommend just diving into the ao3 tag and start reading. You can start by kudos and read the highest ones first to dip your toes and get the community classics one out. Early on there was a recurring anon writer who did great bittersweet domestic confession stuff like this one, lifespan angst oughh... Wherever you are now thank you for all your work 😭💖 A lot of new marchil writers are starting to post too! A csm asaden fanfic writer legend just joined the tag so marchil will probably finally get some multi-chaptered fanfics haha~ But yess there’s unrequited angst, there’s self-sabotaging angst, there’s domestic fluff, there’s falling in love and bantery fluff, bunch of good stuff <3

As to ships with similar vibes: The closest I’ve seen so far is honestly weirdly close, it’s the protagonists from a romance comedy josei called Dame na watashi ni koishite kudasai or Please love useless me! I don’t want to spoil but there’s even the guy needing to move on from a doomed love + emotional distance issues and the gal slowly invading his personal life/social circle and my god… They were coworkers, he was rude, he’s a workaholic, he’s reliable, she’s sunshine and needs to get some reality checks... The banter. THE BANTER. He represses and she copes by simping for fictional characters. He made, like, a mutual aid community for ex-gangsters. They dress up in silly costumes sometimes. They’re weeeird about each other in an unlabelable way before dating in a way (in a fun marchil in canon way). It’s so funny she’s cracking open his convoluted personal drama like her morning newspapers. There’s more there’s so much more. Give up on your dreams, make money, love loses 🔥🔥 It’s honestly just a great fun read, it’s such a mood. Haven’t read the sequel yet but there’s one so really if it hooks you you’ll be fed well and for a while. The greatest bits are too spoilery but here, have the vibe.

Howl’s Moving Castle, specifically the book, and there’s a ton of themes and narratives that are so fitting for them that I couldn’t possibly all list, I already made a post on it here if you’re interested in all the details and similarities and my AU thoughts haha.

Teen Titans 2003 the show, Beast Boy x Starfire. THAT’S RIGHT I’M A BBSTAR, BAM! 💥🫶 Jokester that’s dependable x sweet and idealistic but strong and protective. Short gremlin and tall beauty. Friends-coworkers to lovers. Very soft fluffy slice of life ship I like it a lot, and I wrote a fic for it hehe. Might do more one day, I have a bunch of prompts written down and a series I really wanted to get to sob.

I almost forgot to mention Shrek. It’s SO FUNNY how well it goes sometimes… Chil Shrek, Laios Donkey, Marcille Fiona. I want to say Mickbell could be Farquaad but even Mick doesn’t deserve this slander… Shrek 2 fear that he’s not prince charming enough for her oughh. Laios getting to be a horse good for him good for him. Winged Lion singing I need a hero. Someone stop me.

There’s also zenmiyo from Touge Oni but no one reads that </3 I gotta get to my review/lore analysis about that manga it’s sooo good a fave read of mine from last year. Like it’s so fucking good. It keeps just ramping up and getting more crazily good. Scrolling through some pages rn and it’s a unique blend of comedy, philosophy and awe-inspiring visuals and creativity. Well, sort of like late Dunmeshi actually. If it had a fandom any bigger I’d be all over it constantly. And I’d also recommend Harahara Sensei / Timebomb Teacher if it had any english translation, one of my fave mangas also. It’s about mafia, and a goody two shoes willing to go through a corruption arc to save her sister x stern rude mafioso who’s there bc he’s poor and on a revenge mission, never had any other option growing up etc etc. Ok he’s not that Chilchuck but the dynamic does have that "grow up and see the world for what it is, a shithole. It’s been hell for me" vs "ok you have a point. But also have you considered not sacrificing your humanity and emotions in a self-destructive pursuit" (not that she’s in the position to talk lmaoo) like ohh my goood him throwing his popsicle stick in the fire that she lit over a corpse, it haunts me.

From the marchil Discord it’s also fun to notice ships some of us share… Csm asaden, some combination of LotR elf x short guy, fair amount of dunmeshi ships overlap too. Haven’t found the overall common thread quite yet and I’m forgetting many that have come up but lol some off the top of my head.

[sword-dad-fukuzawa]

here’s to a year of trigun :] just a cute little (1k. oops.) essay reflecting back on how it’s changed my life.

(twitter crosspost LOL)

You know that strange, dissatisfying limbo between hyperfixations? That was me in January. A 2-year long obsession with Genshin Impact was dragging itself to its grave and I was struggling with life. I got diagnosed with a rare chronic pain disorder at around the same time I caught mono and strep simultaneously (that week SUCKED), classes were kicking my ass, and I was experiencing the existential loneliness of adulthood for the first time. 

University student things! 

And to make it all extra unbearable, my writing was empty. Soulless. I’d write something for a zine and go damn—this shit is awful. Not because it was technically flawed or anything, but there was just…nothing there. I would stare at my stats page on Ao3 waiting for comments and then bitterly complain at my friends when no one wanted to read my work. Hell, I don’t think I wanted to read my work. I’m sure you know the feeling. 

And because my writing is how I cope with Everything, being unable to write made the Everything so, so much worse.

Then—and I forget exactly how I heard about it—I learned that Trigun Stampede had just released its fourth episode. I knew of Trigun from a buddy of mine who had been excitement-posting about the reboot months before, but all I knew about the reboot was that Yoshitsugu Matsuoka was voicing the main character. I had a free afternoon—why not give it a try? 

I still have my liveblogging from January. Here was my initial reaction:

I was having a great fuckin’ time. 

February rolls around and I am immediately, irreversibly, hit with Plantcest brainrot so bad that I discard any pretense of being icked out by brocest ship and I write a 9k long KV thesis called “we’ve got to get back to that stinking garden,” named after a Natalie Diaz poem called “my brother named gethsemane,” which is, truly and genuinely, The Poem on Brothers (Complicated) of all time. That fic is where the visions and prophesies came back, where I started feeling like my writing was impactful again. Like it meant something. It was my first ever foray into in-narrative smut and the first of many, many attempts to capture a future where Vash and Knives love each other even after the end of everything. 

This is really where I found my footing on Twitter and as a short story writer, I think. Where I started really caring about making every word of a narrative pay rent, about conveying and evoking specific, tangible feelings, and exploring genres of media I’d never really been interested in before. Before February, I wrote mostly genfic and T-rated romance. Every so often, I’d dabble in some graphic violence. 

And hey! Now I write hardcore kink and graphic erotica. The gore I used to dabble in is now something I dive into feetfirst and with a rabid desire to make it as sexy as possible. I fetishize the crease of an elbow and the bristly sections of an undercut and I write about brothers having nasty, angry, dubiously consensual sex. I could not possibly tell you how I got here, but shit, man, I don’t regret a damn thing. 

It’s through Trigun that I met some of the most talented, sweetest, most encouraging folk. Plantcest creators, Vashwood creators, people who saw me writing ZazieVash and went hello motherfucker please feed me some more, Romeryl enthusiasts, Kniveswood and Plantwood enjoyers…shit, guys. You’re all so fucking cool.

I got invited to a zine for the first time, I started taking commissions (and holy shit, what the fuck, I still can’t wrap my head around that at all. The fuck you mean, you’ll pay me Real Actual Money for personalized fic? Insane to me. I’m so goddamn grateful.) for the first time, and hell, I published a poetry collection for the first time. Which people downloaded? And tipped me for? What the fuck? I’m still reeling from that. Thank you, by the way. Genuinely. 

What else this year…well. I commissioned art for the first time, I participated in more big bangs and exchanges than ever, I read voraciously and wrote with just as much fervor. I watched ‘98 and I cried and I read half of TriMax and cried some more. I wrote more erotica than I ever have, and I wrote more fic that I’m genuinely, painfully proud of this year than any other year. 

A lot of my writing is about grief and rage, and a lot of it is about trying to be funny in the face of that. A lot of is about learning to live, because that’s what I’m doing right now, despite everything. A lot of it is about trying to be kind. 

But in summary, because this is getting ridiculously long, here’s what I got out of Trigun:

Vash the Stampede refuses to die. I’m trying to emulate that. 

Meryl Stryfe cares about doing the right thing, even if it means she’ll get in the middle of a fight between aliens armed with two bullets in a tiny pistol. 

Wolfwood is carefully, disastrously kind. I want to be like that.

And Knives is nuttier than a Victorian lady in a room painted in arsenic green, but still. I love him anyway. 

And Milly :] no thoughts about Milly. I love Milly because she is also incredibly kind :] 

Trigun has changed my entire goddamn life this year. I think it’s made me a better person. It’s certainly made me a better writer, and it’s connected me to so many lovely and beautiful people. Thank you all for sticking around, and here’s to another year of love, peace, and unhinged porn. I love you all :]

[sugdenlovesdingle]

Here it FINALLY is Tarlos @flufftober day 5: ... +1

this is soooo late and I rewrote it sooo many times and I'm soooo behind on flufftober… but life™ got in the way - you know how it is. I'm going to try get back on schedule over the weekend!

Under Arrest (AO3)

5 times Carlos had to arrest a member of the 126 + 1 time he got arrested himself

---

1 TK

“Reyes, I’ve got one more in holding from the bar fight, can you process him and get rid of him?”

“You mean let him sleep it off in the drunk tank?” Carlos asked his coworker. He hated the overnight shifts on weekends. They were always filled with people getting drunk and doing stupid shit.

“Nope. He’s sober.”

“What? Did you pick him up by accident?”

“Nope. According to the staff he’s the one that started it all.”

“Why would anyone pick a fight in a bar while sober?”

“I don’t know man, ask him yourself, I put him by your desk.” Jackson said and handed him a tablet. “Have fun. I’m taking my break now.” He said and walked away

“Yeah, thanks…” Carlos mumbled and pulled up the arrest record. “Hey are you sure this name is correct?” he called out to Jackson who was on his way to the coffee machine.

“Yeah, it’s what’s on his ID.” He shrugged. “Why?”

“No reason… just… an unusual name I guess.”

“Ah yeah the double name. It’s common in Europe. My wife is from France. Her brother’s name is Jean Pierre.”

Carlos nodded.

“Well… I’ll go process Tyler Kennedy then…” Carlos said and went to pick up TK’s personal belongings before making his way over to his desk.

He took a moment to compose himself. He was a professional, he could do this. He could process the guy he’d hooked up with a few times. No big deal. It’s not like they were a couple. TK had made it perfectly clear he wasn’t interested in that.

He dropped the bag with TK’s phone and wallet on the desk next to his face, making the other man look up.

He had a split lip and was holding an ice pack to the side of his face. Carlos suspected someone had taken pity on him and given him the ice pack as well as some range of motion by cuffing his hands together instead of to the side of Carlos’ desk.

“Hello TK. Or should I say Tyler Kennedy?”

TK groaned.

“Please don’t call me that.”

“Austin is a small town, TK. If you didn’t want me to know your full name you shouldn’t have gotten yourself arrested. Want to tell me what happened?”

“Not particularly.” TK mumbled. “Isn’t you processing me some kind of conflict of interest?”

“Why would it be? It’s not like we are anything to each other, are we?” Carlos said, doing his best to stay professional and not do something stupid like wrapping TK up in a hug.

TK stared at him for a moment before, reluctantly, starting to explain what he’d done to end up handcuffed at the police station and Carlos began to understand the mystery that was TK Strand a little more.

He tapped his tablet to pull up the right form and made TK sign for his belongings before taking off the handcuffs.

“You’re sober, nobody is pressing charges… so you’re free to go.” He said and watched TK gather his phone, keys, and wallet.

“I’ll see you around.” TK mumbled.

“Yeah. Hopefully not like this. Please get some better coping mechanisms."

---

2 Owen

“Of course sir, we take this kind of thing very seriously.” Carlos heard one of his coworkers say as he walked back into the precinct after his lunch break. He was in a good mood, he’d spent his break with TK at the firehouse and things were getting better between them every day.

They’d planned a date night for later in the week when they both had the day off. Carlos would cook and TK would stay over. Something which was happening a lot more often lately.

The rest of the crew had teased them for acting like an old married couple but they’d just laughed it off.

“Yes sir, I will send a uniform unit to make the arrest and bring him in for questioning. I will keep you updated. Alright. You too sir.”

The coworker ended phone call just as Carlos walked past their desk on the way to his own.

“Reyes. A job for you. You need to pick someone up for assault. Take Mitchell for back up.”

“But I just got back from lunch. I have paperwork to catch up on.” Carlos protested. He’d hoped for a quiet afternoon where he could maybe sneak in a little dinner planning and texts to TK.

“That can wait. Did you not hear that call just now? This guy pissed the wrong people off. You need to go pick him up.”

“Fine. Give me the details.”

“Sent to your phone.”

“Oh… oh no… I can’t do this.” Carlos said when he checked the message. He was breaking out in a cold sweat just by thinking about it.

“And why is that? You’re free, it’s your job… it’s one guy.”

“Yeah… but Owen Strand is my boyfriend’s father.”

“Oh… have you been together long?”

“A few months.”

“Well that’s alright then. It’s not like you’re married. Just go pick the guy up. And hope your boyfriend doesn’t find out.”

Half an hour later Carlos was sitting in his cruiser outside the firehouse, trying to work up the nerve to go in.

“Maybe you could make the arrest?” He asked Mitchell. “I’ll just be back up.”

“I would but… that might make it even worse.” Mitchell said sympathetically. “You just standing there while this bitch of a partner of yours drags his poor old dad off to jail? Not doing anything to stop it?”

Carlos dropped his head forward on the steering wheel.

“I hate it when you’re right.”

They got out of the car and walked into the firehouse. TK was leaning on the rig, talking to Paul and Carlos could tell the exact moment he saw him.

A bright and happy smile spread over his face and he walked up to him to greet him.

“Hey babe, back so soon? Did you miss me?” he gave him a quick kiss hello.

“Yeah… uhm I’m not here on a social call…” he glanced around but of course Owen Strand was nowhere to be seen.

Mitchell lined up beside him.

“We’re looking for Captain Owen Strand.” She said in a serious tone. “Do you know where we can find him?”

“You’ve found him, officer.” Owen walked up to them. “What can I do for you?”

“Carlos what’s going on?” TK asked, confused.

Carlos didn’t reply, just took a deep breath and grabbed the handcuffs from his belt.

“I’m sorry sir, I really wish I didn’t have to do this… but I’m going to need you to turn around and put your hands behind your head.” He said and avoided looking at TK as Owen did what he asked him and let him put the cuffs on him. “Captain Owen Strand, you are under arrest for assault. You have the right to remain silent. Everything you do say, can and will be used against you in a court of law.”

---

3 Marjan

“Unit 363H20, there is another disturbance call at former fire station 126. Are you available?”

“Unit 363H20 responding.” Carlos said into his radio, already knowing what, or rather who, he’d find at the location he was getting sent to.

When he got out of his cruiser he was met by an annoyed foreman.

“Officer, we can’t do our jobs like this. She’s destroyed our equipment again and she’s chained herself to the doors. We can’t work like this but I still have to pay my people. She’s ruining our business.”

“I understand sir, but she’s on public property and there is no official order from a judge saying she can’t be here…” Carlos sighed. He’d had this conversation far too many times lately. “I will go talk to her.”

“Can’t you arrest her? For trespassing or something?”

“I’m afraid not. Like I said, she’s on public grounds. You or someone from your company is free to file for a restraining order. If that gets issued and she still comes here, I can arrest her for violating that. I’ll go talk to her now.”

“So if you haven’t done so already, please donate to my fundraiser, together we can save the 126!” Marjan said to her phone, obviously live streaming her entire protest. Again. “And look, here’s Carlos! Say hi to Carlos everyone.” She said when she noticed Carlos walking over.

“Chica we have to stop meeting like this.”

“Oh come on, it’s always nice to catch up with friends.” Marjan said, still filming. “How have you been? You look tired.”

“I’m fine. I’d be better if I didn’t have to pick you up every other day.”

“He’s lying guys. He’s not fine. He got his heart broken and he won’t tell us what happened. His ex won’t either. They’re so stubborn.”

“Ok, that’s enough. No need to broadcast the state of my love life to the entire world. Please stop filming now.”

“Uh oh, he’s serious guys. I better go. But remember, my fundraiser is still open! Please give what you can, and spread the word! Bye for now!” Marjan said and stop her stream.

“Thank you. Now lets go. I hear you’ve put sawdust in the engines again, so they won’t be doing anything today.”

“They have no proof of that.”

Carlos sighed.

“Yeah, just come with me. Show them I’m doing my job. You’ve caused enough trouble for one day don’t you think?”

“It’s called civil disobedience. I’m merely exercising my rights.” Marjan said, a little too loudly so the workmen heard her too.

Carlos decided to let it go and opened the door of his cruiser for her so she could get into the backseat.

“They’re going to get a restraining order against you.” He warned her when he got behind the wheel. “And if you violate that I have to actually arrest you.”

“I promise I won’t do it if you’re on shift then.” She promised and Carlos wondered if that would be better or worse. “By the way can you drop me off at the other firehouse? My shift starts in an hour.”

“You know that’s not how it works, chica. I have to take you to the station and process you before I send you on your way.”

“Right.” Marjan sat back for a second before pressing her face up to the barrier behind Carlos’ head. “Can you turn on the lights and sirens then? If we hurry I might still make it.”

Carlos rolled his eyes but after a moment still flicked the switch and pressed down on the gas a little harder.

---

4 Owen

“Alright, we have to be smart about this. We only have an estimate on how many people will be in there, and they’ll most likely be armed. Be careful, be alert, but only grab the people on the list you’ve been given. Let’s get in and out as quickly as possible without anyone getting hurt.” Carlos’ captain was briefing the team that had been put together for a raid on a bar popular with white supremacists. “We’re supporting the FBI on this so follow their lead at all times.” He stepped aside to let the FBI agent in charge of the operation to address the team herself.

“Thank you captain. I have very little to add to this, other than a slight update to our list of suspects. There are a few more names on there and we’ve pulled pictures from surveillance footage so you know which face goes with the names.” She told them while another agent handed out the updated list.

When Carlos got his and he quickly scanned it, his heart sank.

“Uh… sorry ma’am… are… are you sure this list is correct?” he asked.

“Why wouldn’t it be officer… Reyes.” She glanced at his nametag.

“I uh… I recognise one of the names and I just don’t think he’s involved in anything…” He trailed off.

“I can assure you officer that we’ve checked all of these suspects’ involvement and all of these are people we can charge with dealing in illegal firearms, drug trafficking, money laundering, or being a member of a terrorist organisation. Or any combination of those. So whatever petty criminal you recognise and think belong on there, trust me when I say that they do.”

Carlos nodded.

“Yes ma’am.”

He read over the list again and stared at the picture that went with the name and severely regretted volunteering for this raid. The extra money would be nice but the fall out it would cause was already giving him a headache.

“Alright everyone, let’s head out.” Carlos’ captain said and clapped his hands to get everyone moving.

“Hey…” Lexi Mitchell fell into step beside him and Carlos was never more grateful she regularly signed up for these kind of things. “I saw the list… isn’t that…”

“Yeah.” Carlos cut her off quickly, not wanting the rest of the team to overhear anything.

“Did you know he was into this?”

“No. And he’s not. It can’t be right.”

“You heard the FBI agent…”

“I know. But I just… it can’t be. I know him. He wouldn’t.”

“I guess he would.”

“It can’t be.” Carlos shook his head. “I just have to get to him before anyone else does. Make sure I’m the one to make the arrest.”

“Isn’t that a conflict of interest?”

“I don’t think so. TK and I are not married yet.”

“Alright… it’s your funeral.”

The drive over was tense and when the first officers entered the building, Carlos followed them on auto pilot.

He knew what to do, he’d been trained for this. He knew how to keep a clear head amid the chaos.

Only all of that went out the window when he saw Owen standing near the bar, looking bewildered at the raid being carried out around him.

Thankfully nobody else had seen him yet and Carlos pushed through the crowd or bar patrons and fellow officers to get to him.

“Carlos!” Owen said happily when he saw him, but doing a double take when he noticed the rifle in his hands and the Kevlar vest he was wearing.

“You need to come with me.” Carlos said, grabbing his elbow.

“Carlos what’s going on?”

“You’re on our arrest list. I’m arresting you so nobody else will. Just come with me and do as I say.”

Thankfully Owen was smart enough to listen to him and let Carlos lead him outside.

“Just sit down here. I don’t know how, but I’ll get you out of this.”

“Officer, when you make an arrest, please make sure your detainee can’t hurt you or himself.” One of the FBI agents reminded him and kept watching him to make sure he followed protocol.

“Of course. I was just about to do that.” He grabbed a zip tie from his belt. “Turn around, hands behind your back.” He ordered and thankfully Owen did what he was told and let Carlos secure his hands behind his back.

“Don’t forget to read him his rights. We wouldn’t want the case to fall apart on a technicality.”

“Of course, sir. I won’t forget, sir.” He turned to Owen and mumbled a quick I’m sorry to the man before taking a deep breath. “You have the right to remain silent, anything you do say, can and will be held against you in a court of law.”

---

5 TNT

“Yes Nance! Come on!” TK braced himself in the back of the ambulance as Nancy raced through the streets of Austin. Lights and sirens going, full speed ahead.

Surely they’d beat Paragon to the scene.

“Ok next right and then we should get ahead of them!” Tommy said over the radio.

It was a little reckless and petty but beating Paragon was worth more than maintaining professional conduct.

“Ok hold on! It’s going to be close!” Nancy yelled and TK had a feeling she just took the corner on two wheels.

“Yes! We’re in front of them! We’re going to get there first!” Tommy yelled excitedly.

Only suddenly another, slightly different, siren joined the two ambulances.

“Is that APD?” Nancy asked over the radio. “I don’t see them in my mirrors.”

“Ignore it, they probably just got called to the same scene as us.” TK reasoned as they drove the last of the way to the scene.

Nancy parked the ambulance and the three of them got out, ready to get to work before the Paragon guys could take charge of the scene.

Tommy started giving out orders, while Nancy and TK grabbed their gear.

None of them even acknowledged the APD cruiser pulling up.

“Captain Vega.” Someone said and Tommy looked up.

“Oh hi Carlos. Did you get called out here too?”

“I did, yes… Do you have a minute?”

“Uh not really, we’re kind of in the middle of something here. You’re going to have to walk and talk with me.”

“Captain Vega I suggest you call for a second ambulance and listen to what my colleague here has to say.” A second officer said as he got out of the car.

Carlos was looking increasingly uncomfortable and like he’d rather be anywhere than here in this moment.

For a minute TK thought he was going to be sick.

“Carlos what’s going on?” he asked.

Carlos cleared his throat and looked at a spot somewhere over Tommy’s left shoulder.

“I uh… Sgt O’Brien and I… have gotten word of some uh… complaints made against you. All… three… of you.”

“Complaints? By who? We’re just doing our jobs.” TK said indignant.

“Let me guess, those Paragon roaches are the ones who complained?” Nancy asked, glaring at the Paragon ambulance that had pulled up and started to get to work.

“I’m afraid I can’t disclose that information but I’m going to need you to follow my colleague and I to the station.” O’Brien told them. “And I would suggest you go willingly, none of us want to cause a scene.”

“May I ask what these complaints are?” Tommy asked, doing her best to stay calm.

“Officer Reyes, if you please.”

Carlos nodded and pulled a small notepad out of his pocket.

“Reckless driving, endangerment, harassment, and you violated various traffic laws on the way over here.”

“I had the lights and siren on!” Nancy protested. “You can’t pin traffic violations on someone driving an ambulance!”

“I’m sure we can figure it all out down at the station.” Carlos told her. “I’m sure it’s just a big misunderstanding.”

“Oh no it’s perfectly clear. The Paragon assholes just can’t handle us beating them to scenes!”

“Captain Vega, I will ride in the ambulance with you, the other two can go with my colleague in the car.” O’Brien decided, ignoring Nancy’s angry ranting.

“Very well. After you sergeant.” Tommy said, holding out her hand to Nancy for the keys to the ambulance. “We’ll see you down there.” She told TK and Nancy and gave Carlos’ shoulder a quick squeeze in passing.

The three of them watched her and O’Brien get in the ambulance and drive away.

The second they were out of sight, Carlos closed his eyes for a second and let out the breath he’d been holding.

“I am so sorry. He insisted on riding with me today and I don’t know why. I think he’s figured out our connection and wants to test me or something. I couldn’t get out of it.” He rambled.

“Babe, relax.” TK discretely grabbed his hand, trying to remain somewhat professional. “It’s just people using you to get us. We’ll figure it out.”

“I’m sorry. I hate this so much.”

“Yeah, us too. But we better get going and head to the station. I don’t want you to get in trouble for not following orders.” TK said and the three of them walked to Carlos’ cruiser and got in.

TK really wanted to get into the front with Carlos but decided it would look better if he was in the back with Nancy. The last thing he wanted was for Carlos to get into trouble because of him.

“We’ll get these stupid charges dropped, and them I’m suing the hell out of those Paragon assholes!” Nancy vowed and if Carlos had lowered the window a little when they passed the Paragon crew, well that was their secret and nobody needed to know.

---

+1 Carlos himself

“Hey baby, where are you?” TK asked over the phone. He was working while Carlos had a few days off, and judging by the constant stream of texts, it was a slow day for the 126.

“I’m just getting a few things for dinner tomorrow night.” Carlos replied, parking his car in front of the store.

“Oh are you at the farmers market?”

“No, I thought I’d try something different. I’m at that Asian supermarket near that new bakery by the park.”

“The one we went to last week? With the good cupcakes?”

“Yeah the ones with the filling you liked. Do you want me to pick a few up for us?”

“It’s your birthday and you’re feeding me cake. What’s wrong with this picture?” TK deadpanned.

Carlos laughed.

“It’s not my birthday yet. So I can still treat my husband to his favourite cupcakes.”

“I knew there was a good reason I married you.” TK joked.

“For the cupcakes?”

“Yes. And you’re also really good in bed.”

Carlos choked on air and hoped to god Nancy wasn’t in earshot or she’d never let them live this down.

“Ok I’m at the store now, so I’m going to hang up. I’ll see you at home later.”

“Or you could come down here and keep us company.” TK suggested. “Maybe we can even have some fun in the bunk room.”

“And risk getting caught again? No thanks. Let’s just do that at home.”

“Spoilsport.” TK said and Carlos could picture the playful pout on his husband’s face.

“That’s me.” He said laughingly. “I love you. Bye babe.”

“I love you too baby. See you soon.” TK replied and they ended the call.

Carlos grabbed his stuff and his shopping bag and headed into the store. He liked the place, it was near the place where his old townhouse had been and back then he’d shop there often. Only these days they lived on the other side of town so it was more of a special occasion than a regular shopping trip.

He greeted the woman working the check out and started browsing the aisles. He had a few ideas for the family dinner they had planned for tomorrow, and he figured he’d just decide on what to make depending on the ingredients he could find.

He’d gotten a little lost in thoughts when he bumped into someone.

“Oh, sorry.” He quickly apologised before recognising one of his colleagues. “Oh hi, doing some shopping too?”

“Not exactly.” The guy said.

“Please put the basket down.” Mitchell said, coming up on his other side.

“What’s going on? Lexi? What the hell?” Carlos asked when he glanced down at her hands and saw her holding a pair of handcuffs.

“I could ask you the same thing. Shoplifting? Really?”

“What are you talking about? I just got here. I haven’t even left the store!”

“Oh so you definitely weren’t putting things in your bag that you weren’t going to pay for? And pretend the alarm was going off for no reason when you walk out the store?”

“This is ridiculous. Lexi you know me. I would never steal!”

“Yeah that’s what they all say. You’re coming with us. You know the drill. Turn around hands behind your head, interlace your fingers.”

“What? Do you think I’m violent?”

“It’s just protocol Reyes, you know this.”

“You’re making a mistake.”

“Funny, that’s also what they all say.” Lexi said and turned to the other officer. “Isn’t it crazy how we’re always making mistakes and arresting people who have done nothing wrong?”

“So crazy.” He agreed.

“Come on Reyes, turn around. Don’t make me do it for you.”

“Lexi come on, you can’t be serious.” Carlos said and the next thing he knew, Mitchell had him pinned against the shelves and was twisting his hands behind his back and putting the cuffs on him. “Lexi!”

“That’s officer Mitchell to you. You’re under arrest for shoplifting. Let’s go.” She pushed him out the store and to the cruiser parked outside.

“Lexi, what the hell? I thought we were friends. Why won’t you believe me?”

“The owner saw you. Don’t deny it.”

“Saw me do what? Shop? Pick out things I wanted to buy? Plan a family dinner?”

“I’d stop talking if I were you.” Lexi said, putting him in the back of the car before getting in herself and driving to the station.

“Please don’t make me go in there in cuffs.” Carlos pleaded, looking at the familiar building.

“You know I can’t take them off until I’m done processing you.” She and the other officer got out of the car and opened the door for him. “Come on, let’s get this over with.” She grabbed his elbow and steered him into the building.

Somehow everyone he knew seemed to be on shift and was there to see Carlos get brought in like some kind of hardened criminal.

“Ok. You know what to do.” Lexi said, taking him to the processing area. “Stand here and smile for the camera.”

“This is insane.” Carlos muttered but decided it was in his best interest to cooperate. “At least let me call TK. He’ll be wondering where I am.”

“When we’re done here.” Lexi told him. “Face left and then right.”

Carlos did as he was told while his mind was racing trying to figure out a way to get out of this.

“Alright, I’m going to undo the cuffs and then you can move your hands in front of your body so we can take your prints. Do you understand?” Lexi asked and Carlos nodded.

He let her move his hands and put the handcuffs back on.

“Put your hand on the scanner, four fingers first, then thumb. Repeat with your other hand.” Lexi said and checked the scans. “Alright. We’re done here, let’s go.” She grabbed his elbow again but she didn’t lead him to the holding cells.

“Where are we going? Where are you taking me? Can I call TK now?” Carlos asked but got no reply. Instead she just lead him down a few hallways and up a flight of stairs. “Lexi what the hell?”

She knocked on a door before opening it and pushing him inside.

“SURPRISE!” a group of his friends, family, and coworkers yelled when he stepped through the door.

They were gathered in one of the lesser used conference rooms of the precinct and all of them were smiling and laughing while Carlos was just… confused.

“Happy birthday baby!” TK said, walking over to him and kissing him. He pulled a set of keys from his pocket and undid the handcuffs and rubbed the skin where the metal had been. “You didn’t have to put them on so tightly, Lexi.”

“I had to make it look good, didn’t I?”

“You had me arrested?” Carlos asked, finally starting to put two and two together. “You set this whole thing up?”

“I told them to go easy on you.” TK told him. “But do you know how hard it is to pick a date for a party that works for everyone when most of the guests are first responders? This is the closest we got to everyone being free and available and able to get together.”

He looked around the room, slowly taking it all in.

The whole of the 126 crew was there, though all of them in uniform so he suspected they were on call, most of his coworkers, Grace with Charlie on her hip, his parents and Luisa, and even his captain.

“Happy birthday, Carlos. Your husband put a lot of work into making this a birthday to remember for you.” He said and Carlos just nodded.  

One by one his friends and family came over to him to wish him a happy birthday and slowly he started to relax and actually enjoy his party.

“Happy birthday. Blame your husband for the show, it was his idea.” Lexi told him when it was her turn. “I promise we won’t put the arrest on your record… but we might just save the mugshot.”

[0nlythrowharrybeaux]

Wonderful World - Part 1

Hello friends, part 1 is here! This one is long, but it is setting the scene to show where each character is at as this story begins. I really hope you guys like it! And again, it's just starting to be developed so if there is anything that you'd like to see happen in the story please let me know, I'd love to hear your feedback and suggestions!

Learn more about the premise of the story, see main (original) character mood boards, and character casting HERE

Warnings: Brief mentions of suicide and depression

WC: 11.3k

“Alright, alright! Listen up!” Diana’s voice carried above the rest of the voices as her class continued chattering as the class period came to an end, “Before you go, I know it’s only our second week back, but I will remind you of the paper you have due in 2 weeks!” She called over the commotion, “Dos paginas, completamente en Español, sobre sus carreras y las metas que tienen para el futuro!” Diana reminded the students in her intermediate level Spanish class and a few of her students nodded while a few others looked on perplexed, “If you need to hear that in English you can find the information on your syllabus!” She smiled as they started filtering out. She rounded the podium at the front of the classroom and started packing up her things.

“Profesora Beltran?” She heard and glanced up to see one of her students approaching. She taught Spanish to college students and was proud to be one of the more popular professors of the World Languages department.

“Yes, Maddie?” She asked as she shifted her focus to the young girl before her.

“Ummm, I am still undecided in my major, so I’m not sure what my goals for the future are. I was wondering if you would allow me to write my paper on something else?” She asked nervously and Diana’s expression shifted into one of compassion and understanding as she removed her glasses.

“Oh, certainly Maddie. You can write about a profession that interests you or a career you’d like to have?” She suggested and Maddie smiled timidly.

“Ummm, I actually run a small candle making business, I mostly sell on Etsy and I want to do that full-time, but my parents are a bit opposed to that. They don’t see much of a future there, is that something I could write about?” She inquired and Diana smiled.

“I love candles! I think if you’re passionate about that then you should have plenty to say about that.” She decided and Maddie smiled brightly upon hearing this.

“Oh wow, thank you Professor.” 

“Of course.” Diana smiled and soon the girl was heading off.

Despite her win with one of her students right now, Diana wasn’t feeling too great, she was actually feeling extremely anxious today. More than she had in a long while because she would be taking her daughter, Celeste to a therapist for the first time in her life and these were the thoughts plaguing her mind as she made her way through the building and to her office.

Celeste, was her 14 year old daughter and she had been displaying symptoms of depression for a while and despite Diana’s efforts to try and talk to her about it she was consistently met with a huff or an eye roll, which were not surprising responses from a teen girl. But it was just the day before school was back in session that Celeste came up to her in tears and told her that maybe she was a bit depressed. She was 14, a freshman in high school, there were new pressures, academically and socially, and Diana explained to her tearful daughter that depression wasn’t uncommon in her age group and that it was something very treatable and with the right help she could be back to her old self in no time.

It was concerning to Diana when Celeste expressed her apprehension with seeing the school counselor. She said that she was really overworked and that when she first reached out for help in November she was assessed for suicide and upon determining that she was low risk, she was given a pamphlet with coping strategies as appointments were not available until they returned from school after Christmas break. So Diana did what any parent would do and researched for therapists in her area that were accepting clients. It was rather hopeless and eventually she resorted to checking Psychology Today, where she knew she might find options of newer clinicians who were building their clientele and would have time for their patients. She eventually did find one who had a relatively new practice, his name was Dr. Harry Styles, his website was really nice and easy to navigate, and the information provided there made her feel confident in him and so she made an appointment. It was only an intake, if the vibe wasn’t right she could continue looking, but she just wanted Celeste to get help sooner rather than later and well, today was the day.

She checked the time on her phone and saw it was already 2:30pm so she pulled up the intake forms that he had sent and got to filling them out. Celeste had already filled out an electronic questionnaire outlining her symptoms and Diana was just filling out the information about insurance and parental consent to treatment. Soon she was printing the forms out and locking up her office to pick up Celeste from school. 

Celeste was also really nervous for her appointment, which was completely understandable, but Diana talked her down and assured her that the first appointment was just going through the forms that had been filled out and feeling out the vibe with the therapist. Diana assured her that if she didn’t like the therapist that they could keep looking and that seemed to ease some of her daughter’s nerves. After a ten minute drive they were pulling up to an older apartment building and parking out on the street. They made their way inside slowly and right at the bottom floor they saw a directory and he was on floor 5, room A & B, so they rode up to the fifth floor and upon the doors sliding open it was evident that this apartment building had been modified into office spaces. There was a plastic plaque reading Harry Styles, MD beside the frosted glass door with a 5A painted onto the center of the glass. They headed inside and were met with an empty reception desk, but there was a sign on it reading “In Session, I’ll be with you shortly”, so they sat on the couch there and Diana looked around as Celeste pulled out her phone. It was home-y, the color palette was neutral, but not in the way that made you feel like you were in a model home or something of that natural. The couches they were on were evidently new, but the furniture looked loved-on, there were magazines and coloring books for kids and adults on the table before them, and the wall art was minimalistic with positive messages and bursts of color that drew her eye. It couldn’t have been more than five minutes before they heard some movement on the other side of the reception area and then another door close and moments later the door across the room opened up to reveal a tall and very handsome man. Upon seeing her and Celeste he smiled and stepped out to the reception area.

“Hello, you must be my 3:30, Celeste right?” He asked. He had an accent and his voice was deep, but calming - not daunting in any manner.

“Hi yeah, that’s me.” Celeste said standing and offering him reluctant smile.

“Nice to meet you, Celeste. I’m Harry.” He said coming over and extending his hand to her and she shook it politely as Diana stood as well and their eyes met and Harry’s pupils immediately grew in size at the woman before him. She was definitely shorter than him, but she looked really professional and put together, so he assumed she might be Celeste’s mother, but how? She looked young enough to be a sister, “You must be her…?” He asked Diana instead of just assuming her relation.

“I’m her mom, Diana Beltran.” Diana introduced herself, extending her hand to meet his, his beautiful eyes met her own as they greeted each other and she felt that his eyes were just burning into her soul; it almost felt like time stopped for the moment they greeted each other.

“Wonderful, nice to meet you as well.” Harry greeted with a warm smile. As soon as their hands broke contact he clasped them together in front of his chest, “Have you been waiting long?” He asked and she shook her head.

“Hardly, just a few minutes.” She assured.

“Perfect.” He smiled at her and then Celeste, “I know you filled out the online questionnaire, were you able to complete the other intake forms?” He asked them.

“Yes, here they are.” Diana cut in and reached into her tote to pull out a folder and handed them to him. 

“Excellent.” He smiled, “If you’re ready Celeste, we can head back now.” He said and she looked to her mom for a moment.

“It’s alright.” Diana assured softly, “I’ve got your things.” She said extending her hand and Celeste gave her mom her phone before following Harry back into the main space and then the door shut. Now that she was out of sight, Diana felt even more stressed and she just hoped that this guy made an attempt to make Celeste feel heard and comfortable.

************

Harry tried to reflect as much calm as possible because he could feel the apprehension and anxiety emanating from his new, young potential client. She took a seat on the couch in the position furthest away from his seat as possible, which was typical of most first timers. He let her know he was just going to check the forms out and she could look around and then proceeded to open up the folder that her mother had so kindly put together with the intake forms and he paged through them.

Celeste liked his office, it was cozy and his rug was cool. She then noticed a record player on the sideboard against the wall and she wanted to look at it more closely. As her eyes traveled down she noticed that one of the panels was open and that there were actually records in there and she was curious about what he had in his collection.

“Ummm, Dr. Styles, can I look at the records?” She asked nervously and he looked up from the form he was reading over, with a friendly smile.

“Certainly!” He encouraged her and she slowly got up and went over to look at the records inside of the cabinet. She smiled as she recognized a handful of them as she flicked through them. He also had some candle going on another little table by the window that reminded her of her mom’s bedroom, it was maybe the same one. When she spared him a glance she saw that he was still looking through the forms her mom had brought and she bit her lip nervously when they made eye contact.

“Y-your office is nice.” She said as she made her way back to the couch and he smiled.

“Thank you.” He expressed his gratitude at her compliment.

“I especially like your rug, it’s really cool.”

“Yeah? It’s my favorite thing in here actually.” He said excitedly and she smiled nervously, “Did you see any music you liked?” He asked and she nodded.

“Obviously the Beatles and some Elvis.” She said and he smiled, “And your Wings ones, Paul is my favorite Beatle.” She explained.

“Get out of town, mine too!” He grinned and she smiled wider, she was still looking really nervous, “So apart from having sick taste in music, what are other things that you enjoy?” He asked and she started to talk a little bit more about her interests. Harry learned that she played guitar and that her favorite classes in school were Human Biology and choir, and that she was considering joining the drama club, and a few other surface level facts. She seemed a little hesitant to talk about herself though, almost as if she was concerned that she would say something wrong.

“You know, it’s my job to listen to you, no matter what you want to talk about and I won’t judge you, so if anything comes to mind you can just say it.” He assured and she exhaled and nodded, “Is this your first time trying therapy?” He asked and she nodded.

“Yeah.” She then responded verbally, “I’m kinda nervous, I guess, sorry.”

“It’s normal for you to feel nervous when you’re doing something brand new.” He assured her, “What about it makes you feel nervous?” He asked and she sighed and looked down at her fingers that were twisting together in her lap.

“Just…I don’t know…I mean first of all you’re a stranger.” She said and he hummed.

“True.” He said and she shrugged before proceeding.

“And I guess I’m nervous that it won’t work on me?” She said in a questioning tone as their eyes met again and he bit his lip as he listened to her express her concerns over treatment and what had happened with the counselor at her school and it was honestly very disappointing to hear her experience.

“I’m so sorry that happened to you. I understand why you’re so hesitant about this, but let me let you in on something. Whether this works or not is totally up us being a team. It’s my job to listen, guide you, and give you tools to help you get better and it’s your job to try and use the tools I give you as recommended. The only way it won’t work is if one of us is not doing our part, and I promise you that if you decide to stick with me I will always do my part.” He said with certainty and a friendly smile and she nodded, “Of course, sometimes just talk therapy isn’t sufficient or isn’t working as quickly as we’d like and if that’s the case we can talk about medication to help. So if you really feel it’s not helping you can tell me so that I can make sure that I am doing everything I can do to get you back on your feet.” He explained and she nodded along again

“Well, I hope this works.” She said and he chuckled.

“I promise you I will do my absolute best.” He reassured her and she smiled and with that he started to get into the session. He started to explain to her the confidentiality clause and what kinds of things are excluded from that, he went over his role and responsibilities as the clinician, and then they started going over the questionnaire she had filled out, and what she wanted to get out of therapy. As Harry listened on he jotted down a couple things that stood out and his own questions that he wanted to ask and the longer she spoke the more it was evident that she was experiencing some depression. As she finished recounting her side of things he took over explaining what he thought would be the best treatment plan for her and how he wanted to approach her situation.

Celeste liked the way he talked to her and how he expressed himself very clearly. When he answered her or asked her a question she could tell he had listened to everything she had said and was so patient. The things she felt were confusing sometimes and he didn’t push her when she would answer with an “I don’t know”. He was just so nice that she felt comfortable with him quite quickly, a lot of the stuff she had told him about what was happening at school, she hadn’t even told her mom and that was new for her because they were quite open with each other. But once they wrapped up she felt really good and she had decided that she wanted to give him a chance.

“So in terms of scheduling, we need to work that out with your mom right?” He asked and she nodded, “OK, perfect. I’m going to have her switch with you in just a moment, but just so we’re clear, like I said at the start, anything we talk about in session just stays between us. I’m just going to go over some of the formalities with her and answer any general questions she might have for me. But if you would like me to be able to share your progress or any information about our sessions with your mom then you can always sign a release, but only if you really want to.” He offered.

“Thank you, I’ll give it some thought. And ummm, do I call you doctor or?” She asked and he chuckled.

“I prefer my name, Harry, but if Dr. Harry or Dr. Styles is more comfortable for you then that’s OK with me too.” He assured with a kind smile and she nodded and they both stood and headed to the door.

*************

As soon as the office door opened up Diana flew up from her seat and locked her phone. She saw Celeste come out and then Dr. Styles emerged with a small smile and that made her feel more at ease.

“Mom, he needs to talk with you now.” Celeste informed and Diana nodded.

“OK. I’ll be just a few minutes.” Diana said and reached for her bag before she followed him back to his main consultation room. She had a look around when she walked in and when she went to sit, she sat on the side of the couch nearest to his chair as Harry went to grab his laptop before settling into his seat.

“Is she alright?” Diana asked and he smiled.

“Yeah, she’s good. She did great, by the way.” He reassured her.

“That’s good to hear. I don’t know if she mentioned to you what the school counselor said to her?” Diana asked with a frown.

“Yes, she did. That must be extremely concerning to learn as a parent.” He acknowledged and she nodded, “And I can assure you, that will not be the case here.”

“I would hope not.” She said with a slight chuckle, “I have been to therapy myself and I had such a great experience, I just want to make sure it’s the same for her and that we find the best fit for her and that she won’t be pushed to the side until she’s in distress.” Diana explained and he nodded in understanding, “About how many clients do you have in total?”

“I have 35 total right now.” He said, “Of those 35 I’m seeing 10 on a weekly basis, 15 on a biweekly basis, and the other 10 on a monthly basis or as needed as they have already completed their treatment or just need their medication dosages adjusted.” He explained and she nodded.

“Oh, OK that’s pretty good.” He smiled and nodded, “And you specialize in CBT.”

“Yes, but I do have a more Humanistic approach which is derived from-”

“Dr. Carl Rogers.” She cut in and Harry smiled and nodded.

“Precisely.” He grinned, “And I will assume you know what his approach is about?”

“Yeah. I don’t mean to be a know it all, after I was in therapy I got really into learning more about it and did a minor in clinical psychology in my undergrad.” She explained and he hummed.

“Oh, no worries! It’s good that you know though. Especially with the younger patients, it’s good to see when the parents are invested. Celeste seemed to really understand the process today, which I’d like to think I’m thorough, but I’d assume you walked her through it before.” He said with a smile.

“Yeah, she was so nervous, I gave her a little run down on the way here.” Diana explained with a smile.

“Well, it worked! She opened right up once we got past the daunting stuff.” Harry assured her.

“Oh wow, that’s typically hard for her. You must be good.” She said and he chuckled.

“I think we just have the same taste in rugs and music.” He joked and she laughed a bit before looking back into his eyes.

“So in terms of your assessment, what do you have in mind for a treatment plan?” She asked.

“Well, starting out I would like to see her once a week, treatment is typically 8 to 10 weeks give or take, just depends on her progress.” He explained to Diana who nodded.

“OK, that sounds reasonable. In terms of charge, what is your rate?”

“I’m charging $125 a session. I do offer a special for new clients, if you commit to three sessions I use your intake fee towards the third session.” He explained.

“Oh, why three appointments?” She asked with a curious smile and he chuckled.

“In my experience it’s enough to have a somewhat comprehensive diagnosis at that point. And also by that point people will have hopefully learned some basic tools to use in the future. Also, that’s the point where you start to get annoyed with your therapist so a lot of people flake out for a while. And well for the people that just come in trying to get prescribed meds I mean, that’s a lot of work to go through and so they’ll just fall off the face of the earth.” He said with a grin.

“Oh, I see. That’s smart! Is that something that happens a lot?”

“It has happened to me a few times here, the university is nearby so a lot of self-diagnosed ADHD or OCD people.” He said and she grinned.

“Ah, TikTok fallacies.” She hummed and he nodded.

“Exactly! A lot of them don’t like to hear that they’re perfectly normal with a few quirks.” He explained.

“Geez…I don’t think I ever considered how challenging this job must be.” She said and he chuckled.

“There’s more good days than those kinds of days.” He assured her.

“Well, it’s good to hear that from you.” Diana said and he smiled, “Sorry, back to the topic at hand, how much is it for today’s session and do you accept insurance at all?” She asked.

“Not yet, unfortunately. I’ve submitted several applications to be a network provider but it’s been a nightmare.” He explained with a small frown, “But it’s $100 even.” He said.

“I can imagine the circles they must walk you in.” She sighed through a dry laugh and he nodded.

“You would not believe.” He joked back and she shook her head as she dug through her tote bag for her wallet and pulled out a crisp $100 bill and handed it to him.

“I promise it’s real.” She joked and he laughed.

“Well now I feel like I need to check.” He joked back but headed to his desk and pulled out a little iPad where he started inputting that to give her a receipt. She continued looking around his office, recognizing the scent of the candle burning by a little table he had near the window. Soon he was back before her with a receipt in hand and she took it and started to put it in her bag.

“Well, Dr. Styles-”

“Harry is fine.” He cut in and she nodded.

“OK, well Harry, it was lovely to meet you and I will have a chat with Celeste, see what she thinks and ummm, in any event I’ll be in touch.” She said and he nodded.

“I appreciate that. It’s good to know when people decide to go in a different direction, otherwise I’m left wondering.” He explained and she nodded.

“It’s just professional courtesy, in my opinion.” She shrugged as she fished her keys out of her purse and he saw her university ID on the lanyard.

“Oh, you work at the university?” He asked in slight surprise and she glanced over to him as they approached the door.

“Yeah, I’m the newest faculty member in the World Languages department.” She disclosed.

“Oh, that’s neat. I actually just got hired as an adjunct professor for the department of Mental Health & Behavioral Intervention.” He said with a bright smile.

“Oh congrats! What’re you teaching?”

“It’s a graduate course on Tele-health. After the pandemic it’s important to be able to translate our skills through virtual sessions and a lot of people are having trouble with that. It’s a new class. I teach it twice a week.” He explained and she hummed in interest.

“That sounds really cool.”

“Yeah, thanks. Well, I don’t want to detain you any longer, but it was a pleasure to meet you both.” He said as he opened up his office door and led them through towards the reception area.

“Likewise. Thank you so much for your time.” Diana said turning back to him once more.

“Of course. And Celeste, chin up.” He encouraged her with a smile and she nodded, offering back a smile and soon they were riding back down the elevator in silence. They settled into the car and Diana glanced to Celeste.

“What did you think of Dr. Styles?” She asked and Celeste smiled.

“I like him. He was easy to talk to and he’s really nice. I want to try another session.” She said and Diana smiled.

“OK, sweetie. I liked him too, he’s very sweet.” Diana agreed. 

In a few minutes they were taking off and Diana was driving them to the grocery store to pick up something for dinner. She couldn’t stop thinking about how there was an air of familiarity with this Dr. Styles. If his session with Celeste went anything like their conversation went, she was very happy with the type of help he could provide her. She liked that he still remained professional without making it feel too formal or rigid, there was flow and it was noticeable that he really enjoyed his job.

************

Harry sighed contently as he bid farewell to his final client of the evening and locked up the exit door in his office. He then went to the reception area and also latched that door shut and switched off the lights before heading back to his office. He plopped down into the chair behind his desk with his note pad and opened up his laptop to start typing out his session notes from that day to put in the patients’ electronic files. He then got to Celeste’s notes and started to create a new file for her in his system. He needed to scan in all her paperwork and session notes. Just as he was about to start scanning his phone rang and he saw it was his girlfriend, Rebecca, and he smiled and picked up.

“Hey, love.” He greeted her with warmth.

“Hey, babe!” She responded cheerfully, “How was your day today?” She asked.

“It wasn’t all that busy, but I might have a new client on my roster, things went well so I’m hoping to hear back soon.” He said.

“Aw that’s great! I’m happy for you, H.” She hummed.

“Thanks, love. What’s up?” 

“Well I was calling because I was wondering if you’d be able to join me for something tonight? I know it’s super last minute, but a colleague of mine is friends with the mayor’s wife and she knows about my aspirations in city government and she thought she might introduce us. It’s just a little fundraiser for a clinic on wheels, cocktail attire is what she said.” Rebecca explained and Harry nibbled on his lip pensively.

“Mmmm, I have to prepare for lecture tomorrow…what time is it at?”

“It’s now. But they she said it’s over at 10pm. My colleague, Joanne, is gonna be there until about 9:30, but she said to come earlier rather than later as Mayor Singh might not be there until that late.” She explained and Harry nodded as he pulled up his calendar for the following day and saw he didn’t have many client’s scheduled the next morning.

“Ummm, yeah I can make it. Tomorrow is pretty slow, I can work on my lecture then. I just need to finish all my client notes right now.” He informed.

“OK, thank you so much, babe! Is half an hour enough time? I can pick you up? I’m just changing and touching up now.”

“Yeah, that’s plenty of time. I’ll see you in a bit. Love you.”

“Love you too, bye.”Rebecca said before hanging up. He let out a deep exhale before rolling his shoulders back and standing to get the scanner on and finish up Celeste’s file.

Harry and Rebecca had been dating for almost two years. When they met, he was on his least couple months of his residency and she was fresh out of law school and working on the legal team for the community mental health center he would do some of his hours at. Every year they did a mandatory training on the procedures in the case of a malpractice suit or of a subpoena. Since they were a community clinic a lot of people that came through were court mandated clients and it wasn’t out of the norm for the court to subpoena the doctors, therapists, or social workers working with that particular client - it was fairly routine. Either way, that is how their paths crossed and she was actually the one who approached him shortly after their first meeting. Rebecca was bold and had big ambitions, this wasn’t something Harry could see himself being entangled with in the long run, but when they started to date she started to slow down and he figured that maybe her goals were changing a bit.

Because Harry was fresh out of med school and had a little more time on his hands, he was eager to jump into anything that wasn’t school related and when Rebecca asked him out he said yes. Rebecca was smart, gorgeous, and very pleasant, what wasn’t to like. He doesn’t think either of them were looking for a serious relationship when they first started out, but all on its own it kind of became serious. Something that worked well for them was that they both were kind of workaholics, they were both ambitious and out their professions first and they both liked that they were of the same mentality because it helped them not to feel so strapped down. He was always more of a loner and he enjoyed his space and she was very much that same way and so things worked and they didn’t mess with it and here they were today. 

Sometimes Harry did wonder if their relationship was normal; what they had was working for them, but in a way there was kind of a distance between them and many of their friends didn’t really get that. He recalls that at one point his best friend, Henry, once said that it seemed that the relationship was just convenient for them and while he took offense and disagreed immediately, Rebecca responded first and asked Henry if it was wrong that a relationship be convenient? And well, after a big fight about that Harry and Rebecca cleared up that it was OK that they were progressing slower than other couples because they had a lot going on personally and that if it worked for them then there was nothing they needed to justify to others. What did worry Harry was that every aspect of life felt like a routine and he knew that while consistency is great, routine could also be damaging to relationships and Harry didn’t want that for them. He did love Rebecca and often worried that the routine they’d been in this entire time would lead to their slow, but certain demise.

The time passed him by quickly between doing his notes and his thoughts and before he even realized it his phone was ringing again with her name lighting up the screen. This meant that she was downstairs, so he quickly shut everything down and he slipped his laptop it into his lockable drawer and rushed out. He popped a piece of gum in his mouth as he rode down the elevator and as soon as he stepped out of the building he waved as he approached the car and then slipped into the passenger seat.

“Hi love. You look nice.” He hummed as he leaned over and kissed her cheek quickly.

“H, I just did my make up…” she sighed as she flipped down the visor to check her make up in the mirror.

“M’sorry.” He said as he switched on the overhead light so that she could see if anything was out of place, “I don’t see any damage.” He assured and she glanced to him and rolled her eyes before leaning over and puckering her lips out and he chuckled as he kissed her quickly on the lips.

“You’re lucky there’s no damage.” She said as she settled back into her spot, “You’ve got lipstick on your lips now though.” She grinned and he huffed and rubbed over them with his palm as he took off. The drive wasn’t all that long and the event seemed to be pretty packed when they arrived. She did a loop around the block and found no parking so they circled around again to the entrance.

“We’re just gonna have to do valet. S’cash only, though. Do you have cash?” Harry asked and she sighed.

“I don’t have cash do you?” She huffed.

“No, sorry.” He sighed, the only cash he had received was Mrs. Beltran’s payment earlier and that was back at the office.

“Fuck, I don’t want to miss the mayor.” She groaned and Harry nibbled on his lip.

“I can find somewhere to park, you go on. I’ll meet you inside, yeah?”

“Are you sure?” Rebecca asked and he was about to respond, but he jumped when he heard some knocks on the window.

“You can’t stop here unless you’re going to park valet!” The man shouted through the glass and Rebecca rolled her eyes.

“Yes, yes! I’m getting off!” She called back in an aggravated tone and Harry chuckled. Rebecca had a rather short fuse, he got it, he did too, and while he was now used to it, it wasn’t something that made her very likable to people who only experienced that part of her. Harry hurried out of the car to get to the driver’s side.

“Sorry, mate. I’m just dropping her off.” He said and the guy just nodded and she rushed past them and towards the entrance as Harry settled into the driver’s seat and took off down the street. He was able to find a parking spot a few streets down in a residential area, luckily no permits were needed and as he locked up the car he opened up his phone to let Rebecca know he was on his way over and he saw a text from her.

Becs:

Hey H, it’s invitation only! Text me when you’re up front!

Harry sighed as he started the walk over and as soon as he got there he texted her letting her know that he was outside and then five minutes passed…then fifteen…he even showed the guy with the list the text and he said he needed her to verify that he was her plus one, even if it were via text. He tried calling and she still didn’t answer and so now he was grumpy and hungry and decided to just go back to the car and pick up something to eat until she decided to check her bloody phone. Unfortunately, he had left his wallet in the office as he left in a rush and all he had was $5 on his apple pay from god knows how long ago and he was able to score himself a burrito which he ate in the car. It had been nearly an hour before Rebecca called him to come up front and so once again, he made the walk over and she was waiting at the steps of the venue.

“I’m so sorry, babe! Joanne was chatting with the mayor and his wife right when I got there and we were able to talk for a while and I couldn’t pull out my phone!” She explained as they made their way inside and despite his irritation he just nodded.

“It’s OK, things happen.” He assured her, “What were you able to talk to him about?” He asked curiously.

“Oh, just some ideas I have when I run for office as a council member.” She said vaguely because she knew that he had no real interest in that and he hummed as they made their way further in. He was able to meet Joanne and her wife, Michelle, they were sweet and nice to talk to and it was around half an hour later when they decided to go out for some drinks and dinner. Harry was still in a sour mood from his multiple walks to and from he car and he had already eaten. Joanne was nice enough to drop them off at their car and Rebecca agreed to meet them at some restaurant before getting out.

“Babe, can you just drop me off at my car? I ate while waiting for you and I’m just not feeling up to staying out tonight. It’s already 9:30.” He said and she sighed as he unlocked the car.

“Yeah, that’s fine.” She said as she opened up her door and then groaned, “H, my car smells like Mexican food.” She whined.

“I’m sorry, love. I was super hungry and there was no garbage can and I wasn’t gonna leave it on the street. I’m sorry.” He said again and she just sighed as she turned on the engine and rolled down the windows.

“It’s fine.” She huffed as she started texting on her phone for a moment before they took off again. The drive back was a bit tense though, despite that when she dropped him off at his office building she kissed his lips quickly and bid him a good night before taking off. Harry was left to wander back upstairs and grab his wallet before he left for the night.

This was why he wondered if their relationship was normal. As a mental health professional, he knew that all relationships looked and functioned differently, but he didn’t feel awful about things with Rebecca. Just now, he was irritated with her and she with him and they just got over it, it wasn’t anything serious that they were irked about, so it didn’t warrant a long conversation, they just needed to grow up and get over it, like they had. And it wasn’t always this way, they hardly ever argued and they did love each other. But sometimes when things like this would happen he wondered whether they were truly just with each other because it was convenient, like Henry had said, and they had both settled for each other because they got on so well and were like-minded. He knew he wanted more of a relationship but he didn’t know if his relationship with Rebecca was capable of that, they hadn’t really talked about it properly. He didn’t feel like it was sometimes and it worried him that he was just wasting her time and his time.

*********

Diana knew it was late, but over dinner she had a lengthy conversation with Celeste about how serious she was in continuing to see Dr. Styles as her therapist and she was very serious about it. She said she felt really comfortable around him because the way he talked to her was similar to her uncle Damian, Diana’s brother. He lived in Mexico, but they visited each other regularly and since Celeste didn’t really grow up with a father figure he was someone that she looked up to a lot. Either way, this prompted her to call his office and she would leave a message about wanting to schedule another appointment. She wasn’t sure why she was so nervous leaving the message, maybe it was how soothing his voice sounded in the greeting, despite him saying that if it was an emergency whoever called should dial 911 - it was the delivery of it that made her feel a little out of sorts.

“Hi Dr. Styles, or ummm Harry, you had said to call you that. I’m sorry it’s late.” She said and then shook her head as she thought to herself ‘that’s the point of voicemails, idiot’, “Anyway, I just wanted to give you some of the times that would work best for Celeste to start treatment. So, Mondays work, but 6pm would be better as my office hours end at 5:30pm. Or Tuesdays and Thursdays also work anywhere from 5 to 7pm, and Fridays after 3pm as well. Just ummm, yeah let me know what works best for you. If none of these work out just let me know and we can figure something out, you can also email me as I’ll be teaching tomorrow and that may be easier for me to check. Thank you for your time today, I appreciated it, have a good night.” She said and pulled the phone away about to hang up and then realized that she hadn’t even said who she was, “Oh, ummm this is Diana Beltran, by the way! Sorry, I forgot to-”

“Your message has been recorded-” the machine cut her off and she groaned, “to play it back press 1, to re-record press 2, to delete your message press 3. If you are finished you may-”

“Ughhh…” she groaned in irritation and hung up, cutting off the monotonous voice from continuing to speak. She wasn’t about to do that again, so she just set her phone down and continued packing up their left over chicken and rice for their lunch the next day.

************

Fresh out of the shower, Harry got in a t-shirt and sweats quickly before hopping into bed. He lived two blocks away from the university campus, so the house he lived in was originally old and small, but with gentrification and all it looked a lot more modern now and the property had been reconfigured to give optimal space, it was rather nice. It had a lot of character, is what he would tell people. Over the pandemic he renovated the bathrooms and re-invigorated the original wood flooring of the home and even now, he continued with his project on updating things just a bit during his free time. Either way, he was happy here and he found it easy to rest in his space. He reached for his phone to just kill some time before he drifted off to bed and as it lit up he saw that he had a voicemail forwarded from the office phone. He always checked just in case he needed to call 911 for a client or something. So he opened up his phone and immediately played the message and brought it up to his ear to listen…

“Hi Dr. Styles, or ummm Harry, you had said to call you that.” The gentle and soothing voice spoke and he immediately smiled as he pictured the person it belonged to, Diana. “I’m sorry it’s late. Anyway, I just wanted to give you some of the times that would work best for Celeste to start treatment. So, Mondays work, but 6pm would be better as my office hours end at 5:30pm. Thursdays also work anywhere from 5 to 7pm, and Fridays after 4:30pm as well. Just ummm, yeah let me know what works best for you. If none of these work out just let me know and we can figure something out, you can also email me as I’ll be teaching tomorrow and that may be easier for me to check. Thank you for your time today, I appreciated it, have a good night.” She finished and he heard a bit of shuffling for a few moments before he heard the last bit, “Oh, ummm this is Diana Beltran, by the way! Sorry, I forgot to-” it suddenly cut off and he chuckled to himself a bit. 

His office phone had a time limit on the messages and he had no idea how to fix that. He was tempted to get out of bed and grab his laptop to look at his calendar to figure out when he could schedule Celeste so that he could return her call first thing in the morning, but he needed to chill out. He wasn’t sure why he was so eager to figure this out for them. Actually he was…she was striking. Absolutely gorgeous. From the moment they met he was drawn to her just because of her looks. But more than that, she was so sweet and clearly smart, and she was amicable and so easygoing, it drew him in. Harry told himself that he was thinking of her because she had left a voicemail and obviously, she was now stuck in his head. And his mind kept bringing back one thought: Someone like her had to be taken. Just then, his phone buzzed in his hand and it was a text from Rebecca apologizing once again for getting upset at him for the food thing and telling him good night. He assured her it was alright and wished her a good night before deciding to just get to sleep. The last thing he needed was to be in shambles and exhausted for his class the following day and more than that, whatever curiosity Harry had towards Diana ended now. Yes, she was beautiful and she seemed like a nice and wonderful woman, but he would be seeing her daughter as his client and entertaining those ideas of her wouldn’t be beneficial to anyone.

*************

After Harry got far too excited over hearing Diana’s voice last night, even if it was over voicemail, he decided that he needed to set up a boundary before he got too invested in her or developed any type of crush on her, as he had decided the night before. Her daughter, Celeste, had chosen to continue seeing him as her therapist and the relationship with her was his priority now. After emailing Diana back about scheduling (instead of calling back), his day went by rather slow. Harry was dedicating a lot of his time to review his lecture material for his class that evening. His class was technically an elective, so he had students who were interested in or leaning towards only providing therapy online. His class was actually a good number, they capped them at 30 for the graduate students and he had 23, so it was good that this topic had cultivated interest. He did have to mentally prepare himself though to be as stoic and neutral as possible because some of the women in his class were not subtle at all. And even thought they were closer in age to him, he was still their professor and the last thing he wanted was to give anyone the wrong impression and get himself into trouble. He wasn’t cocky, but he knew he was a handsome man and he was really nice, so he just wanted to be sure no lines were ever blurred or that a misunderstanding was even remotely possible. That was honestly his biggest stressor; he had been a bit nervous about actually teaching the students and being able to convey information to them, but as soon as he started doing it he felt comfortable and he understood why so many people loved to contribute to the growth of their profession in this manner. 

************

On her busy days, which were Tuesdays and Wednesdays, Diana’s best friend, Grace, would be the one to get Celeste from school. Diana was lecturing non-stop on Tuesdays and only got an hour break before her final class of the day, which started at 6pm. So now, she was rushing down the street to her favorite cafe on campus, Café Flores. It was a little over a 5 minute walk from where she lectured on Tuesdays, but even if it were out of her way, she would always find an excuse to go. Since most students were at dinner, it was slow at the cafe at that time. She would always order the same thing, the guy at the register smiled when he saw her come in.

“Hey, professor.” He said as she walked up, smiling as well.

“Hi Nico, how’s it been?” She asked.

“It’s slowing down.” He said with a smile and she nodded, “What can I get started for you?” He asked.

“I’m gonna do the 20oz today, café con leche.”

“The usual.” He smiled.

“I sized up, OK?” She said and he chuckled.

“And half & half is OK?”

“Always.” She said and he grinned.

“Anything else?” He asked.

“I’m also going to get the avocado toast.”

“With everything?” He asked.

“Ummm, no crema and no onions.” She said and he recited her order before submitting it and taking her payment. The owners of this cafe were originally from Chiapas, Mexico - the opened this place up in the late seventies and as they grew older their children took it over and it’s such a wonderful atmosphere to be in; it reminded her of being back in Mexico. And this spot was so popular that when the neighboring business relocated they bought it as well and that’s more of the study lounge vibe students are looking for. They were just as, if not a little more popular than the Starbucks across campus. It was really amazing to her how well this business had evolved to continue being around for that long.

“Professor Beltran?” She heard kind of from a distance and as she zoned back in and looked away from the little card with the shop’s story she blinked a few times before turning to her left and looking up to see none other than Dr. Styles who was smiling down at her.

“Oh, hello!” She smiled bright and stood immediately, extending her hand to greet him, “What brings you here?” She asked.

“I teach tonight and ummm, the last two weeks I’ve seen most of my students with cups from here and I thought I should check it out.” He said and she nodded.

“It certainly beats Starbucks.” She said and he grinned.

“Oh, perfect.” He hummed and she nodded, “You teach today as well?”

“Yes, I’ve got three classes today.” She explained and he grimaced and she chuckled.

“I know.” She sighed, “But to be fair this last one is an elective on Latin American art & culture so I don’t do as much talking as I do visual aids.” She said and he chuckled.

“That’s good.”

“It it’s a three hour class though, so I am pretty pooped afterwards but you know about that with the graduate students.” She said and he nodded. She remembered. Harry thought to himself.

“Order for Diana!” The girl at the pick-up station called out.

“Excuse me for a second.” She said to Harry.

“Oh, you can go if you need to, no worries.” He assured.

“I was actually going to stay and eat here, I lecture in the building just around the corner and it starts until 6pm. You’re more than welcome to join me if you’d like.” She said and before he could overthink it he nodded.

“That’d be nice, I still don’t know too many people.” He explained and she nodded.

“Yeah, of course.” She assured and hurried off but came back quickly as Harry was settling into the spot across from her and she was settling in.

“Do you want some?” She asked and he shook his head immediately.

“Oh no, I ordered something as well. But please get started.” He assured and she nodded and went for her toast right away. She finished chewing and hummed.

“Always hits the spot. I haven’t eaten since 11:30.” She disclosed.

“Oh god, I would be a proper grouch if I went that long without eating.” He said and she giggled.

“So you get hangry, I see…so does my teenage daughter.” she teased and he chuckled as he shook his head at her little joke.

“I mean, most people do.” He said and she shrugged her shoulders.

“That’s fair.” She responded and he chuckled again.

“You don’t?” He asked her and she shook her head.

“No. Being a parent often means staving off your own needs for your kids, even hunger. I will admit sometimes I forget to eat-”

“You forget to eat?” He asked in shock and she giggled.

“If I’m really busy. It’s usually during the end of the semester, but I don’t think any of my classes will push me to that this quarter.” She said and he nodded.

“Well good.”

“Yes.” She grinned. Then they called his name and he came back with his own order. He just had a regular black coffee and a capirotada - which is essentially a bread pudding.

“Ooh, good choice.” She said and he glanced up to her.

“Oh yeah? He told me it was like bread pudding.”

“It is! They make it really good here, it’s not too sweet or cinnamon-y, it’s just right.” She said and he nodded.

“Oh good!” I just got this because it looks kind of like a dessert from England and I admittedly got a bit nostalgic.” He explained himself and she smiled; she understood that feeling very well.

“Yeah, I get that.” She nodded, “So have you been in the US long?”

“Yeah, I came over for med school, so I’ve been here about…10 years?” He said, “Oh shit.” He then said lowly as the realization struck him and she laughed lightly as she watched it unfold before her.

“Do you miss England?”

“Some things I miss, but I really like it here. It was a fresh start.” He said and she nodded in understanding.

“Yeah, we need those sometimes.” She acknowledged, “But look at you now, your own practice and everything. Even teaching now!” She said veering the topic into a more positive light and he chuckled bashfully as he reached for his coffee.

“Living the dream.” He said and she quirked her face a bit with a confused smile because she did not miss the sardonic tone in his voice.

“You say that like you’re not convinced of it.” She called him out, which surprised him and he shrugged before he decided that he would explain himself to her.

“It’s just like, you work so hard for something…literally dedicate everything you are and all of your time and resources to it to get there and once you do it’s kind of the feeling of like “that’s it”?. Do you know what I mean?” He asked, an existential crisis was close if they were to continue not he topic of him so he had to turn it around and she hummed pensively at his question.

“Kind of… I mean, I hear med school is…horrific.” She said, “Highest suicide rate, no?” and he nodded.

“Well, three times more likely than our peers.” He corrected her and she frowned, it was still alarming. She had friends who had gone to medical school, a few dropped out because it was too intense, so yeah, maybe he was very valid in feeling like all of that made it out bigger than it needed to be.

“So it is horrific.” She said again an the sighed, smiling bit now despite the morbid topic they had just touched on.

“I love learning and I do love school, maybe that’s why I came back to teach… so ummm, I wouldn’t say it was horrific for me, but definitely challenging…and I don’t know, I was just one of those people that were so focused on school and being excellent in that capacity that I didn’t it as much as I could have or made the good kind of memories with the people around me. Like several of the people in my cohort were married over the last couple years and well, I wasn’t invited because, we were classmates but I didn’t take the time to make them my friends. And just little things like that, that I wish I had valued more at the time.” He explained and she hummed with a small frown, “And well now, yes, I have my practice, but having your own business is very time consuming and it makes it hard to have my own life too, you know? I love what I do, trust me, I would’ve never gone through with med school if I didn’t. I would do It for free! But like there are times in which I wish I didn’t have to answer a phone call of a patient in distress in the middle of a date with my girlfriend. Or have a patient go through that angry at my therapist phase and fear I’ll get sued and lose everything.” He chuckled and she did as well.

“Yeah, wow, that is…intense.” She said and he nodded.

“It is and again, I love to do it and I love to help people, but I’m still new at this so I’m just getting the hang of it. I’m sure I’ll be able to find balance with some time, but it does feel like I never will be able to start living my life sometimes.” He expressed, “Do you ever feel that way? Being a mum? Sorry, if that came out weird, Celeste mentioned that you were quite young.” He tagged in and she shook her head.

“It’s alright,” Diana assured him, “and not really… I don’t feel that I missed out on my youth or anything like that. I wasn’t all that social in college anyway.” She explained and he hummed in understanding, “Kind of also threw myself into the work and well, I had a baby, and well it’s not like I was a 16 year old mom, but being 19 with a baby still makes people look at you differently.” She shrugged and Harry frowned slightly upon hearing this.

“People are dicks.” He said and she smiled at his lame attempt to comfort her after what she had shared, but it wasn’t necessary, that had stopped bothering her a long, long time ago, “And Celeste’s dad? You guys were young, how does he feel about that?” He asked and Diana suddenly looked down at her coffee cup before clearing her throat and glancing into his eyes.

“Ummm…h-how’re you liking teaching?” She changed the subject all together, so fast and abruptly that Harry just went along with it, barely even noticing that his previous question had been completely ignored.

“It’s been great! I was dying of nerves beforehand but as soon as I got up there it just felt amazing to know that I could share what I knew like that. It’s made me fall in love with my profession even more.” He admitted and she smiled.

“Yeah, that happens to all the great teachers I know, at least.” She shrugged and he smiled before digging into his capirotada. He moaned in satisfaction at the taste of the dessert.

“OK, that’s phenomenal.” He said after he swallowed down the bite he took.

“Oh yeah, it’s a classic.” She agreed and he hummed.

“I can see why.” He acknowledged. 

They continued to talk a little bit more, though he noticed that after he had brought up Celeste’s dad the topic stayed more at the professional level as she discussed teaching and the university, and curriculum designs. He felt bad for bringing that up, but he was curious as Celeste had talked about her dad, but very briefly and he had meant to ask more questions, but then they progressed to something else in the session and he just wanted to know more about their family unit - maybe she wasn’t married like he initially assumed. Either way, after the reaction she had, he felt like he needed to apologize for it, but it seemed that just changing the topic was enough for her. Just as he was about to ask her something else her phone started ringing and she glanced down to it.

“And that’s my 15 minute timer!” She announced and his eyes widened.

“Already?”

“Yeah.” She giggled, “Time flies when you’re having fun!” She exclaimed and he grinned.

“I guess so. I should probably head out too, I’m lecturing further than you are and I walked too.” He said and she nodded.

“Then yeah, you should.” She agreed as she stuffed the last bite of her toast in her mouth and they both stood to clean up their table a bit and gather their things. “Well, it was nice running into you. I hope your class goes well.” She smiled and he nodded.

“Yeah, yours too.”  He returned her well-wishes and then they both made their way out only to realize that he had fallen a few steps behind her as they were heading in the same direction, “I’m not following you, I swear.” He said and she laughed; she had a pretty laugh. “You’re fine.” She assured him.

“Well, while we’re going in the same direction I guess I have a sort of question about something.” He said hurrying up to match her pace and she nodded, “So in my field, it’s a female-dominant one and ummm, obviously, my class is mostly women, there are 2 or 3 guys in it, but ummm, some of the women are-”

“Oddly friendly?” She grinned up at him in question and he smiled, a cute dimply one that made her heart race in a way it hadn’t in a long time.

“Yeah, ummm, to put it nicely.” He confirmed bashfully, “I just don’t want to accidentally miscommunicate things or give the wrong impression. And I can’t deal with it as a therapist because it’s a different scenario. In therapy we just tend to confront it directly and I don’t know it that’s the best approach here too? I do notice some of them looking at me in certain ways or just being a little flirtatious with me and I don’t know… I just don’t want to mess something up. Is that something you’ve dealt with?” He asked and she nodded.

“Oh yeah, being a young professor comes with unique challenges and ummm, yeah, some of my students have put me in a position like that too and I learned that when you directly confront it they immediately deny it and then make you feel like you’re being a cocky asshole or presumptuous, which also sucks.” She sighed, “H-have you ever had a client do that to you?” She asked and he nodded.

“Once or twice, but I was still a resident and like working in my fellowship at the time so I had a lot more help to navigate that.” He explained and she nodded, “I just got switched to another rotation, it was in a psych ward so it wasn’t like I was the clinician, it was more 51-50 situations, so I was just providing the meds while we were allowed to hold them.” He explained and she nodded.

“OK, so yeah, in this scenario, if they flirt or hint at liking you just act normal, don’t acknowledge the flirtations and advances if they’re very subtle, keep it professional, set the boundary with your response. But if they start to come on stronger or in more obvious  and bold advances, like I once had a student ask me if we could go out after the class was over and I wasn’t his professor anymore. Or if they bring you gifts,” She shared, “then you can be more stern in reminding them of the boundary. I know with graduate students it’s a little different as they are full-fledged adults,” she said, “but if there are students who just seek you out without reason or are just trying to get close to you, obviously try to keep those interactions documented. So if they want to see you try to keep it over email or zoom, document meetings and appointments on your calendar, things like that. We often think that we need to not have any evidence, but paper trails are your best friend if you’re not a sketchy person!” She explained.

“OK, that is the best advice I have ever received.” He smiled and she nodded.

“I came up with that one myself.” She grinned with pride and he chuckled, “Here’s a suggestion, I don’t know if you’ll need it for your courses, but I make a calendar for my office hours for each class and add all of my students to it, they can then book their own appointments, but everyone else who is in the class sees, kind of like a virtual sign-up sheet. In my experience it dissuades those students who are just coming by to “say hi”, as they like to say.” She said and he hummed, “That is time consuming though, so if anything just try not to let them catch you alone, causally bring up you’re in a relationship, stuff like that.” She smiled. 

“OK. Yeah, I just don’t want them to take it too far and I have to do something more serious about it, you know? Like I get having crushes on your teacher, in Med school I had this o-chem professor who was so attractive, I was one of his best students and he was like a genius, he was about my age now and I knew that he kind of liked me too. There was this unspoken tension that we both just…lived with for that entire semester, but he never said anything about it. He just let it be and then after I finished his class he just kind of never spoke to me again. I didn’t take offense to it, I know that once a line like that is crossed it just makes it easier for it to happen again. But it’s hard being a sapiosexual while running in academic circles.” He said with a breathy chuckle and she nodded as she started to slow down.

“Oh definitely, I’m with you on that one!” She giggled in agreement, she was a fellow sapiosexual and knew all about that on her own, “But I think he was smart about how he dealt, your professor.” She said and he nodded, “So yeah, just be nice about it, don’t make the student feel awkward about it if it’s just a crush. And well I’m sure the magic’ll wear off after midterms.” She joked and he laughed as they came to a stop in front of a large lecture hall.

“Most likely.” He chuckled, “This you?” He asked and she nodded.

“Yep! Well, Dr. Styles it was lovely running into you.” She said again.

“Likewise, Professor Beltran. And please, s’just Harry.” He insisted once more and she smiled and nodded.

“Right. Well, I’m just Diana too, so umm yeah. I’ll uh-see you around. Have a good night.” She bid him farewell.

“You too!” He called after her before he continued walking towards his class with his heart racing a bit more than it ought to. But he was walking at a relatively quick speed and he’d just had a plain coffee with an extra espresso shot, so it was likely that his heart was reacting to just that. It was ironic really, the conversation they had just had. He had too many questions for and about her and his interest was piqued after this. All he knew was that the next time he went by the cafe he would be taking his order to-go, he couldn’t sit with her like this again.

-------

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[thebeatles-world]

Hi I love all your imagines and stories so much! Do you think you could possibly do a sequel or something to Picture Perfect? Hope you get better soon!!

Thank you! And yes! Here’s to all who have been waiting patiently for part 2!! I’m so sorry if this sucks, I’m having a bit trouble in my relationship lately but writing for you guys helps me cope with it ❤️

Perfect Picture: Part 2

You and Ringo have been going out for a while now. Even though you and Ringo (aka your new man) have tried to keep it private… somehow the paparazzi always found out and took snapshots of you guys walking down the street or when you and Ringo hopped into a taxi.

According to the press, Elvis gave his honest thoughts of what he thought about The Beatles.

A while back Elvis was honestly worried about The Beatles being more popular than him and he ended up being right. The Beatles were getting more popular than him. They even sold more records than he ever did. Elvis considered The Beatles a threat to his own popularity.

Now that The Beatles were stealing his popularity, it made it worse when one of the members from The Beatles dated the love of his life which was Y/N L/N…

Elvis was not happy about it. He felt like The Beatles were stealing everything that he had.

You have recently started your own cookbook since you were a big fan of cooking and eating. Food was your passion.

Not that long ago, Grace started her own cookbook as well. You didn’t think too much of it.

Then you wrote a biography of your life and of course you added Ringo Starr in it since he was your boyfriend. You wrote a whole chapter of how you guys met, how much you loved him, how he helped you heal from the breakup with you and Elvis, how sweet The Beatles were when you first met them and how much Ringo made you happy.

Ringo was there by your side while you wrote it. He was actually really supportive of your book.

Later that week, your book got so many sold copies that your book was the number one hit in the U.S and in other countries.

Not that long after your book was a huge hit, Grace started her own ‘’bio’’ book as well but it wasn’t a huge hit like yours. It was noticeable that she was copying you and the fans noticed it too as well as the press.

If you wore a white dress out in public, the next day Grace would wear one too. If you had your hair curly, Grace would have hers done too the next day.

It was like as she was trying to keep up with you through magazines, the public eye, interviews, live conferences on T.V

You did get a little annoyed with her but you were really nice not to say anything about it in the public eye. Instead you went on with your day and spended a lot of time with Ringo.

A few months later, you and Ringo went to the next step of your relationship. You guys moved in together to a big mansion together. You two were really excited to move in together.

Honestly when you came into Ringo’s life, you made a huge influence on him. He was so happy with you and he couldn’t stop talking about you in interviews and he always blushed when his bandmates teased him about you two.

One night a week after you and Ringo moved in together, he decided to pick up a nice dinner meal for you and him on his way home from the studio. You couldn’t wait to hear about the new album that Ringo and his bandmates were working on.

You sat on the couch and read a book while you waited for Ringo to come home.

Suddenly you heard the doorbell rang.

‘’That’s weird… We don’t expect any company.’’ You said to yourself in confusion.

You closed your book and headed to the front door.

‘’Um… who is it?’’ You said as you opened the door.

You didn’t expect to see your ex-boyfriend Elvis standing there at your front door, at your new place holding your favorite flowers in his hands.

‘’Elvis? What are you doing here? What are you doing at my new place?’’ You exclaimed.

‘’Y/N I just wanna say I’m sorry for everything… I should have never taken you for granted. I’m so sorry baby. Why did I treat you badly? I’m such a fool. Please give me a second chance. I know I haven’t been the best. I know I hurt you badly. I have been walking in a trance since we broke up. ‘’ Elvis’s voice cracked.

‘’Oh Elvis. I can’t. I’m with Ringo. He makes me happy. I love him so much.’’ You started to say but you looked at Elvis who seemed to have a sad look on his face as you explained to him how much you loved Ringo.

‘’But I won’t forget about all the memories we had together, we had wonderful memories together. You may have been my first love and I will never forget that. You will always be in my heart no matter what Elvis.’’ You softly patted his shoulder.

‘’Besides you have Grace don’t you? She makes you happy right? You should be giving her those flowers instead of me.’’ You told him.

‘’Grace is just… too…’’ Elvis began and then stopped.

‘’You know Y/N, you're right. I should move on. But just always know that I will always love you.’’ Elvis said to you.

You looked into his sad blue eyes and nodded sadly.

‘’That’s right Elvis. You will always mean a lot to me as a person. Good luck in life.’’ You smiled sadly.

Even though you loved Ringo with all your heart, Elvis will always hold a special place in your heart and it still tug on your heart just seeing Elvis again. Especially talking to him about how he will always mean a lot to you.

‘’Thank you Y/N.’’ Elvis said and before you knew it, he placed his lips against yours.

‘’I’ll see you… one day… maybe never again.’’ He said as he walked away.

You were too stunning to speak. You couldn’t believe that Elvis kissed you. You didn’t have time to react or to even slap him for doing that. It just happened so fast that you felt like everything around you was spinning.

Oh no… What if Ringo finds out…? You thought.

*** if this gets enough likes or comments, I’ll post part 3 of the series***

[aleksanderscult]

Some Darklina songs?

Oh shit. That's a serious question and I need to live up to your expectations, anon.

Random, but do you spy on my drafts?? 'Cause I created a short Darkling playlist (solely composed by soundtracks though) two weeks ago. But I don't know when I'll release it for you, guys.😭😭 So this ask gave me a deja vú HAHAHA

I've actually already thought about this question so I had some songs in mind for quite some time now. But I also searched to find more.

(This list will also include soundtracks 'cause I find them just as important)

Part 2 here!

1) Shades of Cool - Lana Del Rey

I imagine this song from Alina's perspective for the Darkling. The chorus in particular and the bridge (there are lyrics in the bridge but they're purposefully barely audible) remind me of Alina and her opinion for the Darkling SO MUCH.

2) Big Eyes - Lana Del Rey

Again these lyrics are from Alina's perspective to the Darkling. When you hear them you'll know what I mean.😏

(ESPECIALLY THAT BRIDGE IS SO ALINA ABOUT THE DARKLING)

3) Terrence Loves You - Lana Del Rey

(I think you, people, have already guessed that I'm a HUGE Lana Del Rey fan😭)

This song speaks about loneliness. Your love is gone and you're left behind trying to fill the void. This beautiful song is Alina after Aleksander's death in R&R. The lyrics fit her grief.

Especially the lyric "But I lost myself when I lost you" hits too close to home, knowing how she lost her powers and basically herself after she lost him. And the lyric "Trying to transmit, can you hear me? Ground Control to Major Tom, can you hear me all night long?" makes me think of Alina trying to communicate with Aleksander from the other side🥲

Also the lyric "Isn't it strange how you're not here with me?" (*silently sobbing*)

This song is Alina mourning.

(A little fun fact, this is the song I put on my earphones after I finished R&R to cope with the Darkling's death. Needless to say I cried even more with this).

4) Cherry - Lana Del Rey

This song talks about a toxic love that is so catastrophic to the point that you fall to pieces both from the intense love and the burning toxicity. Instead of flourishing from this love, you're crumbling.

In other words, Darklina🙂😭

Whether it's from Alina's or Aleksander's perspective (or both), I leave it to YOU ❤️🤗

5) Once Upon A Dream - Lana Del Rey

(I swear not all the songs are going to be from Lana😭)

Guys, this song is Darklina.

The lyrics are Darklina.

The creepy, atmospheric vibe is Darklina.

The dark fairytale-like melody is Darklina.

It just screams THESE TWO!!

"But if I know you, I know what you'll do. You'll love me at once the way you did once upon a dream" - Once Upon A Dream.

"Something more. He'd known the name for it once. A hundred lifetimes ago." - Rule of Wolves.

6) Seven Devils - Florence + the Machine

Let's change the scenery and go to Dark!Alina.

'Cause this song gives me that vibe. Just close your eyes and pretend that Alina has taken the villainy road on Aleksander's side and together they ride to battles to bring peace to Ravka by doing it the hard way and then they rule together (sounds a better ending than the one Alina got at R&R like💀).

Anyway, this song is dark Darklina 😍

Thank me later.

7) Everybody Wants to Rule the World - Lorde

It doesn't only give me strong Darklina vibes but also strong Grishaverse trilogy vibes.

Also the line "There's a room where the light won't find you" is SO Darkling coded.

This song gives me vibes of their opposition and rivalry. Just imagine the second half playing while they're battling against each other 😩

8) War of Hearts - Ruelle

To be honest, I neither like nor listen to this song.

BUT! The lyrics are the personification of Darklina FRR😭

9) 13 Beaches - Lana Del Rey

I have so many things to say here.

First of all, it can be interpreted both by Alina's perspective and Aleksander's.

The spoken, opening lines ("I don't belong in the world...") remind me of these two. Because they both felt like outsiders. Like they didn't belong anywhere. Like no one could understand them.

Secondly, the lines "But I still get lonely..." and "It hurts to love you. But I still love you..." are them. I just can't explain it.🥲

10) Within You - David Bowie

The man. The myth. The legend. David Bowie.

The song was written for the movie "Labyrinth" which I have already recommended to my fellow Darklina friends. The relationship and dynamic between Jareth and Sarah is DARKLINA CODED AS FUCK.

And the lyrics of this song are also Darkling coded sooo....we have two in one!!

(The music might not remind you of Darklina but what can we do😔).

More songs in part 2! 🖤💛

[granddaughterofdemeter]

but, girl, I'm only human

pt.2

MASTERLIST

you never do choose the right guys...

[cheater+ex!jj maybank x fem!reader x toxic!rafe cameron]

warnings: rude kooks, mentions to alcohol, and, in general, bad coping

summary: midsummers [s1 e05]

It’s been two months since you last saw JJ, and tonight is the night that your best friend expects you to be ready for. 

Midsummers.

You may have been part of a middle-class family, but Kiara’s parents, Mr. and Mrs. Carrera, still liked you enough to buy you dresses even if you told them you didn’t need them. They liked you because you were respectable and kind, though you also hung out with the Pogues, you never took part in any insane stuff. 

Save for Pogue parties, getting beat up by Kooks, and sneaking away for nights at an end, of course. But they didn’t need to know that.

You became her friend during her Kook year, and you stuck together through thick and thin ever since you were the only one who didn’t abandon her, and that’s why you weren’t close with the boys until you started dating JJ last year. It was wild to spend time with them, and you desperately wished to hang out with them like you did before you broke up with your ex-boyfriend. 

But after hearing the stories of him drinking and smoking all his troubles away, you didn’t want to possibly trigger another side of him willing to do more than that to forget about you like you wished you had the guts to do.

“[___], come on, I don’t want to be forced to spend more time there with my parents because I ‘arrived late’.” Kie groaned, rolling her eyes while you touched up your make-up. You snorted, laughing as you raced against the clock to get there in time for the torturous party made up of ‘vipers dressed in human clothing,’ according to your best friend. 

When you got there, your silky, baby-blue dress was stepped on by a tall, blonde, boy. 

“Oh, shit, I didn’t see you there, I’m really sorry.”

Considering how Kooks were, you wouldn’t be surprised if Topper did see you, but he just didn’t care. 

Kiara sneered before helping you up to your feet. You swayed before balancing on your 3-inch heels and stood tall to face him, who was taller by at least 4 inches. You smiled up at him before hugging Kie’s arm close to your hip and turning away. Both of you could hear their laughter but you did nothing but walk far away from them.

“[___], why would you just let him do that?” She hissed, glaring behind the two of you. You shrugged and leaned toward the bar to order two Cokes, because you both were under 21 and around creepy old men, before responding. 

“That’s what boys like him want, Kie, why would I give him that satisfaction?”

She grinned at you, clinking your glasses together before she sighed. “I know, but I just want to see that devastation on their faces sometimes, you know?” You giggled with her until you spotted a certain blonde-haired boy you weren’t happy to see at the moment.

JJ lightened up when he saw you after passing the note to Sarah but right before he could jump toward you, he was stopped by your savior, Rafe Cameron.

Feeling thankful for the man who made your life hell when you followed Kiara back to Kildare High wasn’t something you’d expected tonight, but you also desperately didn’t want to see your ex try to prove something to you that you never believed in.

But Rafe still terrified you. Especially when he looked up and met your gaze.

The thing was that he had tried to talk to you more than a week ago when you were getting beer for your friends. Your other average friends who wouldn’t have anything to do with a man like Rafe, which is why you were increasingly frightened by his hand on your shoulder.

But he also only had one question when talking to you. A small conversation about who you were hanging out with, as in ‘where’s your dirty pogue boyfriend, [___]?’, a small, proud, smirk hanging off his face when you told him that the two of you broke up until Kiara came along for beers for the rest of the Pogues that you refused to hang out with because of JJ.

“Jesus, Cameron, can’t you see that [___] is incredibly uncomfortable talking to you? Be kind for once, she’s done nothing to you!” Kie snarled, satisfied once he released you and you could finally leave to your friends.

But that was almost two weeks ago, and you wouldn’t even expect him to remember that you had talked. Well, you desperately hoped, because, with his striking blue eyes almost identical to JJ’s save for the threatening glint focused on you and only you, you were worried that there was more to his attention on you than you might’ve thought.

ngl its surprisingly long

banner creator posted on my pinned

[magpies4nights]

(Title is a joke don’t take this seriously (please don't go to Ecuador)) GASA4AM COSPLAY MEET UP AT 0°47'03.1"S 91°00'09.9"W 1:00 PM ECT, BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!!!! (dev log #10)

Hi guys. I haven't died yet, for the people who are waiting on my downfall. It felt like I was dying because I was sick! yippee! I mean, I still am, but I can walk around mask free because it's basically just a little itchiness in my windpipe, but compared to last week Friday (I felt so sick I couldn't even get out of bed without the help of my parents dragging me out or even lift my head for that matter), I feel great. With how sick I was, I kinda didn't get to work on the fan game as I hoped I could. Of course, I could have requested to have a break from classes, but I think they wouldn't be so lenient without a covid test and I'm sure it would have been negative. I also had to do homework on top of having a sniffly nose and walking around like I was hit by a car. You know heavy machinery? I had to deal with that with fogged up glasses. My mom apparently said that her dad lost part of his finger to a table saw, and I thought I was going to have history repeat itself, although hopefully that doesn't mean the 90's are making a come back. The only good thing that may have happened was the MTV shows, Humongous Entertainment games and the Parappa series. And before you argue with me, Nirvana started in the 80's, and Titanic (1999) is not a good movie. Rose didn't love Jack, she basically kills him in the end because there WAS enough room on that door. Everyone who says she didn't kill him is a Rose apologist/j

Anyways, no more depressing shit for now. I’m almost done with the locations. At last. I have one more to do and then it's everyone else’s sprites and maybe rework Xandra’s because there are some animation errors in her sprites such as her ears disappearing when she walks. So yeah, next week when I finally have down time and feel better I can work on them. With the way things are going I'll probably have to update y'all the week after my birthday (which is late March. You guys will know when I change my bio from 20 to 21 (whopee I get to finally drink *shudders*)), because good god, classes are also going real hard on me. Midterm on the 6th? No thank you. Not after that essay you made us write which I practically had several panic attacks because I thought that piece of shit was going to fail me. If you're asking if I failed, no, surprisingly it got me a 100. I don't know if the teacher gave me pity points but somehow she said my clarity and my content was great which is surprising because there is no way someone who is practically having a panic attack and is really sleep deprived could ever do that (me when I was writing that).

I’ll be honest, the bottom floor for the house was a nightmare because there would be times when I had to figure out how the hell it would do the thing I wanted it to do based on Xandra’s location.

Anyways, music time. For possibly the last time for dev blogs for this project:

WATER BOWL💧🥣 WATER- 🗣️ WATER- 🗣️WATER- 🗣️WATER BOWL💧🥣🗣️ W-W-W-W-WATER ✨𝓫𝓸𝔀𝓵✨ (I was sick (and I still am) when I made that song)

(I guess there's now 2 songs with vocals)

Oh yeah I also drew up some stuff to make up for Valentine’s Day because I think it’s funny. And also it’s to cope with the pain of when my parents said go to bed and I was sick and bored and I couldn't lift my head up.

I also drew up something which was an old concept I had with Priyah, where instead of just pestering Xandra she did it to everyone by disguising herself as an erson (specifically as a holiday erson) and since there was no valentines verson in GASA4AM that I knew of I decided maybe she could pretend to be one of them.

(Translation because I know my handwriting is horrendous: Hi guys I’m Valentine’s Verson but you can call me Val. I’m like your 4th cousin. (These guys don’t look convinced))

Trust me you will recognize her in that Valentine’s version/Val disguise once you smack her glasses on her and take the lipstick off.