#core feels like a freak

[cordeliawhohung]

i wish you wouldn't concern yourself over me

[puppetmaster13u]

Prompt 239

Y'know what I think would be hilarious for a DP and PJO crossover? Percy & co finally getting to Kronos, straight up ready for anything after they pass through magic and portal of green and-

There's the smell of cookies. Freshly baked cookies, a warm oven, something about it reminding them of home in this strange place of floating gears and ticking clocks.

And there's a long, serpentine tail twisting through the gears, twisting up and down and across in a size that could hides yet reveals just how large this entity is. There's power soaking into every inch of this place, every centimeter nearly sending lightning up their legs with each step.

The ticking is getting stronger, a distant gonging of the hour echoing through a place that should feel cold and empty like the ringing of bells in the end of times.

And suddenly there's a kid- a teen like them, human yet not- with a cookie half in their mouth and hair flickering like the cosmos as they peer down from above them with a frown, eyes brighter than the sun yet darker than the moon.

"Oh great, what did my half-siblings do this Time?"

[quietwingsinthesky]

people are saying he « led her on » because he did. the fact that he kissed her in the first episode set the tone for the rest of the season and if you can’t perceive the flirting I’m sorry but how?? he didn’t make anything clear he sent the craziest mixed signals in the world. there’s nothing revolutionary about claiming that Martha was being pushy toward someone who was clearly not interested it’s 1) weird to claim in what it suggests about her 2) factually not true.

I wasn’t gonna respond to this at first because the top half of this ask is pretty much just individual interpretation and I don’t really care about it. Like, no, to me, the Doctor doesn’t seem especially flirty towards Martha. He’s just sort of Like That. That’s his damage, you know, Mr. I need to traumadump on anyone who tolerates being around me for more than five minutes. Mr. If I don’t develop an intensely codependent emotional bond with the companion I have currently I’ll die. It doesn’t read to me as him trying to lead her on because that bit’s honest, and he does it with damn near every companion he’s ever had.

And if nothing else, because we do see Ten when he tries to flirt intentionally and he’s a fuckin dork about it. Kind of guy who looked up romance in the dictionary and took notes. Kinda guy who draws diagrams to maximize kissing potential. It would have been obvious even to me (<- romance-blind as all fuck) if he was flirting with Martha on purpose because he’s not smooth at all; he flirts like he’s gotten lines in a play and he’s super excited to be the main star.

But anyway, as I was saying, that’s just how I see it. And if you see it different, no skin off my back, I just disagree.

But I take umbrage with you putting words in my mouth. I never said Martha was pushy towards him. Because yeah, she’s not. If I implied that she was, then it was a result of poor phrasing on my part. Martha’s not at fault for what she feels, for wanting there to come something of it. No more at fault than the Doctor is for not returning those feelings. It’s a bit weird that you’re assuming that I think one of them has to be the bad guy here when that was the opposite of what I was saying. My point was: When it comes to their romantic subtext of their relationship, it’s weird to pretend like either of them are to blame for them not being in a relationship at the end of s3, and even weirder to assert that as part of why Martha supposedly wouldn’t like the Doctor afterwards when they’re. friends. they continue to be friends into s4.

Martha’s not pushy. She has a crush on her friend. It happens. He doesn’t return it. This also happens. Both of these facts are pushed to the extreme because he’s a time-traveling alien with poor emotional skills and she’s put herself in the position of needing to help him from minute one of meeting each other. That’s why it’s fun to watch, because the Doctor is both so open and so unavailable in turns, because Martha’s feelings for him grow and change as she knows more about her Doctor until she decides to step back.

I don’t know, man. You seem to be coming at this as if one of them has to be The Problem™️. I don’t think either of them is, not so definitively. I think boiling their relationship down to that is reductive and an insult to the way they both grow over s3, to Martha’s choice to continue to be his friend while also establishing her own boundaries, to the fact that the Doctor is able to let her go without immediately trying to kill himself afterwards when she’s not there to catch him.

[klanced]

this isn’t even about my evil agenda anymore I actually just need to hear your dissertation on voltron/klance x first love late spring

you do evil things to my dick and balls. i hope you know that.

first love / late spring is a very keith-core song, but i think it also applies to both keith and lance... but more specifically, FL/LS is keith pre-relationship, and then FL/LS is lance once they have already started dating.

i'm obsessed with that one interview of mitski where she explained that she wrote this song while she was experiencing her vulnerable first love... and first love is vulnerable. you simultaneously reap the rewards of being known but at the same time, you've now let someone else know you, and now you have to trust them to take care of you. and it's so vulnerable. it's more naked than being naked. and it's so difficult as well because now you're learning a brand new way you can be hurt.

so keith, pre-relationship... he's pining for lance and he is MISERABLE. he's lost control! he feels like he's being consumed by the enormity of his feelings. he's eight years old and small and never asked for this, he never wanted to know he could feel this way. he just wants lance to fucking go already. keith wants to spit vitriol and blame and shame and drive lance away so that when lance leaves him (and he will leave him, like everyone else has), then at least it will be on keith's own terms for once. and keith doesn't, he refuses, to say how he feels. he'll spitefully choke on his confession until it suffocates him. he doesn't want to know what lance might say.

but he also is afraid of lance's reaction because... if lance gives him even a sliver of ground, if there's even a promise of a chance -- keith will fold instantly. he will jump into this love headfirst. he'll do anything if it will make lance stay with him.

and then lance, mid-established relationship... things with keith are perfect, everything is going great, so why does lance feel so anxious all the time? why does he feel so scared when keith looks at him like he's his whole world? maybe the problem is lance. because what they have is real. because he's pretty sure keith is it for him. and that terrifies lance. because lance, deep down, knows he's going to screw this up. and it's not just his heart on the line; he's also going to hurt keith.

keith smiles at him and lance feels sick to his stomach. he wants to tell keith that they might be happy right now, but eventually, lance is going to ruin this. he wants to warn keith that lance is going to break his heart one day.

lance isn't always so negative about himself. during the day, it's easy to let himself be buoyed and enveloped by his feelings for keith. he loves being in love with keith. because the love is real. it's real, and it's there, and that matters. but at night, all those poisonous insecurities and anxieties rear their ugly head, and lance finds himself standing on a ledge over a drop. lance daydreams about spending the rest of his life with keith; lance has never felt so young and small.

[brittlebutch]

finding a character that grates against your nerves and eventually thinking, well, that's not fair, you haven't done anything; why do i dislike you? and then you dwell on this for a while and discover 'oh! you are like me when i was younger' and decide well, i'll simply learn how to love the both of you. power in this.

[kirakirabug]

Sunny my bestest friend in the whole wide world.

[plaidpyjamas]

@mistertiberius 's Yautja ocs next to me Y'know...sometimes it's good to be humbled...

[lezbianz]

it’s crazy that i genuinely thought i was and i identified with the label introvert when i was younger…like wow crazy how a horrifically lonely teen will make that loneliness a core part of their identity and be actively resistant to letting it go because who are they if not alone??

[cordeliawhohung]

ooogh unfortunately can relate to doctors hating me (just a girl).. had to fight for blood work only to get told no and that it’s just stress like hello?? what part of a metabolism so high i have to eat every 2hrs sounds like stress to you??(my doctor now is very helpful and i am diagnosed <3)

taking a concoction of pain meds works well enough bc sometimes it’s easier to ride it out rather than go through the pain of whatever the hell is going on w hospitals sometimes ! hopefully the cyst doesn’t cause much more trouble, wishing you the best <33

yeah some doctors just really shouldn't be doctors. and like i GET emergency medicine. you can't treat long term stuff you're just making sure they're not dying or whatever but don't be like ??? don't fucking gaslight them. refer them to a doctor or something, a fucking specialist. preferably one that won't just call you fat and tell you to exercise more lmao.

anyway, it's all good now. i don't even feel it anymore so. i've just been an angry lump of flesh this entire damn day though but we vibin now <3

[sunset-bridge]

drain you - nirvana

id in alt

[kivaember]

Kind of a weird question, but do you think being an AC pilot has a psychological toll? I'm not talking about the effects of fighting in a war, but rather the effects of piloting the machine itself. Not really sure how to explain it, but a good example is the stuff rounderhouse writes about mech jockeys (check him out if you haven't, his writing is very interesting).

Yes! I've brushed upon this a little bit in APV with 621, and I'll deeper into detail in later chapters, but yes, one of the major drawbacks to augmentations in AC pilots is the fact that they slowly develop dysphoia.

It's more prominant and intense in Old Gens than New Gen, but essentially the pilot begins to feel that the AC is them and become increasingly uncomfortable and othered in their own skin as a human. They feel exposed, they feel too small, their body doesn't move right, it's too light, etc. The only times these sensations abate is when they're piloting their AC, and it results in a sort of compulsion for them to pilot as much as possible, all the time, and intentionally drag their feet on sorties to extend their time in the cockpit. They get antsy if they spend too long out of their AC.

While initially this doesn't seem like a major issue, it does have several knock on effects on the pilot's mental state. It can develop into anxiety disorders and depression the longer it's left untreated, and is considered a major contribution to Old Gens' well known (and considered inevitable) mental degredations.

New Gens mitigate this issue by having the synchronisation with the ACs a lot less intense and with multiple buffers, and (begrudgingly) mandated frequent psych evals to ensure that the dysphoria doesn't get too extreme (if they're corporate owned). Old Gens, however, are kinda fucked, bc the nature of their augmentations mean that they're tied so closely to their ACs they struggle to separate themselves mentally from the mech.

In the type of galaxy that APV is, though, these are considered non-issues unless it directly impacts the pilot's ability. 621, for example, definitely suffers from dysphoria, and Rusty also suffers from a mild form of it himself. They all have their own different ways of coping with it though (some better more than others lmao)

[edgy-abomination]

plague doctor mask HSJSHSDJDIDHDJDH

[bitimdrake]

i've only read the first issue of grayson now, so not much to say yet (mostly I'm getting adjusted to the daring super spy genre). But I have not been keeping up with the justice league books and therefore have been left with one huge, giant question after this first issue

did they just say cyborg has a secret identity?

[moe-broey]

Man it truly sucks that like. The dude who did Planet of the Bass is a piece of shit LMFAO cause like. I feel like the DJ Crazy Times outfits PERFECTLY captured Moe's fashion sense and doodling those outfits spurred on A Bunch of ideas and I was having a lot of fun and even like an epiphany that spurred on a separate deeply self-indulgent project/concept (complete opposite end of the spectrum of indulgence) and then I find out ohhhhh. You weren't Just making fun of the fashion of the times and like, how it feels when you can't process shit so everything sounds a bit funny, and also just like how early 2000s music Is Sometimes (DEEPLY feel the song itself is SO DDR core ESP like... how it's just a bunch of vague jumbled concepts that's catchy AS FUCK) -- you're also a grown ass man still weirdly fixated on your autistic classmate you had in 3rd grade or some shit (have not looked at the vids myself and don't wish to, but from what I've heard it's essentially that).

(Further clarification -- he's making fun of autistic kids who had like, very typical and understandable Needs to accommodate being autistic in a classroom. As a grown adult. Like why are you even still thinking about this LMFAOOO move on, grow up LMFAOOO)

[jesuschristt-thatsaprettyface]

i don’t get it when i see ppl on here like “i can’t believe i still have strong feelings for this show it’s been 2 months i’m so cringe” like bestie what are you even saying right now. a good hyperfixation will last me years and then some. this is tumblr it’s weirder if you’re not filled to the brim with all-encompassing and highly nuanced emotions over a piece of media, that’s why most of us go here

[pepprs]

the renovation starts tmrrw (LOL) and i woke up from a dream abt it crying. awesome