#cos i fucking guess thats just how my brain is

[lokh]

ok. the other problem i have is that i simply do not have the brain for combos

[binniesbooks]

hi fayebae, imma send these before i go for my hiatus again(im not sure if you alr have smth planned for tyun n hyuka! cos i know u have a yj fic thats coming soon, so ill send these in for them)

was thinking of tyun x reader for this

uk the series “academy reincarnation”!! There was a salsa dance ep! I was thinking that reader decided to sign up to the salsa academy where tyun is one of the instructors?/student! reader wanted to learn salsa for the longest time but has always been afraid to as one would usually need to dance in pairs. afraid of having any physical contact with any stranger(due to a trauma she formed from a relationship), even tho it was difficult, reader eventually let down her walls with tyun as the many practice sessions go by, she finds herself now looking forward to salsa practices as thats the only time she can see tyun! And she craves his touch. During one of the practices, they got so lost in the dance that their faces ended up really close to each other! Tension arises(she wants him, he wants her, dare i say more 🤭smut of course!) [didnt wanna write too much to allow ur creative freedom!!]

i hope this is good gah(just thought i should send smth in for the other members too hehe, pls dont put aside ur wip again!! Do this after ure done w ur yj one gah) love u my soobie fav boobie💗

TENDER TOUCH

TH 002 .F22 2024

wc 5.3k

pairings gentle!Taehyun x abused!reader

warnings physical and sexual abuse, traumatic experience, traumatized reader, protected sex, abusive ex-boyfriend (idk what else did I miss)

faye's note *insert: Taehyun's 어디 있지 (where am I) in boba😳* as promised, here's my second fic for the day! this is my first Taehyun fic and I'm fucking obsessed that it got up to 5.3k words, wth. Anyways, @inkigayocamman I know you requested a Tae fic, but here's another one for u to enjoy I guess while I'm still working on it. 🙂‍↕️ I hope you like this too! And ofc, to my one and only Beomgyu's kitten, I love your brain, it's so sexy omfg. I'm totally sat. Plus yeah, the yj fic is still on the line. 🤣 Anyway, I did a few research(again) for this fic, so I hope it turned out good, fingers crossed!

Edit: Thanks for proofreading the whole ass fic @babymochibeargyu I'm dead now. 😭😂 luv uuuu 😖💓

"Learn how to dance Salsa, we offer multiple dance forms for beginners to professionals. Come join us..." You mumbled reading the flyer your friend handed you.

"Jia, you know I can't do anything like this anymore." You sighed as you handed her back the flyer.

"I know, I know, it's because of your trauma, right? But maybe this is the way that can only help you overcome that trauma," She started, "I'm worried about you taking this class but I'm more worried about you carrying that trauma all throughout your life." Jia gently holds your hand, still careful not to scare you with the skin contact.

You're lost in your thought for a while thinking if you can really let go of your trauma after all this time. It's been so long since you haven't engaged in any relationship after your last one.

"I-I'll think about it." You sighed, you really wanted to be free but you just didn't know how to start. "Please do, I really wanted to help you." Jia's eyes are full of worry, sadness and guilt. Because it's been so long yet she can't do anything to help.

You've always been wanting to learn how to dance Salsa. It's like your little dream ever since, however, your boyfriend from your last relationship did not even want you to be touched nor be grazed by any man's skin. You insisted you could just pair with a girl but he threatened you to hurt anyone who will be around you if you kept on insisting to register for the dance class. You ended up not registering for the class and burying your little dance dream into the depths of your heart.

The following week, you found yourself standing in front of the dance academy building. Breathing slowly, thinking deeply whether you really want to do it or not. You were clutching on the flyer tightly. Your knees fell weak as you stumbled down, retreating all the way to the confinement of your apartment to hide from the world.

It took so much courage for you to do this. Especially when you ended up trying once again a week later. You're standing in the front of the building, staring at the swaying banner of the academy with a "SALSA DANCE ACADEMY" written on it.

You softly knocked on the door before opening it. "Hi! Come in! How may I help you?" You were greeted with s young lady, clad in a salsa dance costume. She looks bright and bubbly.

"I.. Uhm.. wanted to register for the class." You meekly answered as you slid down on the chair. "May I know your name?" The lady picked up the pen on the table and grabbed a file.

"Y/n...y/n s/n." You silently answered.

"What class would you like to be included in?" The lady's smile never faltered. Her bright aura makes you feel comfortable for a bit. "What do you offer?" You asked back.

"Well, we have group sessions and we also have one-on-one lessons," you nodded at her, signaling her to keep going. "In group sessions, there will be 15 pairs -- 30 individuals in a class, plus the 2 dance instructors," you felt pressured with just the thought of being included in the group. "In the one-on-one class, we will find you a pair if you still have none, or you can bring one, and then also a pair of instructors," she explained.

"I'll take the latter."

"Please sign here and we'll wait for another one to sign up." She smiled again at you. You were thinking of bringing your friend to the class.

"By any chance, can I bring a girl for the one-on-one class?" Her expression suddenly turned sad, "I'm afraid we are only taking a man and a woman as a pair for the one-on-one class. Usually, the pairs who sign up for the one-on-one class end up acquiring advanced skills than those who are in the group."

You thought of backing out once again but you shook your head to clear your mind. You're already here, you're already a step closer to the most awaited time of your life: to let go of your trauma.

"We'll call you once we receive another sign-up for a one-on-one class. Thank you for dropping by." The lady waved her hand as you stepped outside.

You shrunk to the corner of the door, people are looking at you but you're too occupied to even give a damn.

It's been a week. You didn't know how to explain how you felt. Half of you felt happy that you hadn't received a call yet, because that would only means you didn't have to do it anymore and there wouldn't be anymore skin contact for you to trigger your trauma. However, the other half of you felt disappointed. You would have been lying if you said that you didn't get your hopes up, thinking that this would be the way to be finally free from your trauma.

"Still haven't received a call?" Your friend placed the pizza she brought on your coffee table. Today was the day she would usually pay you a visit to your apartment. She started doing this from 2 years ago, when you and your ex-boyfriend finally broke up.

You hummed in response as you dug out the box of pizza. Nevertheless, you don't want to bring your thoughts about the dance academy again.

A couple of minutes passed when your phone rang, causing both your heads to look towards your phone

"Hello?"

"Hi! Can I talk to Ms. Y/n s/n?" The voice over the line spoke brightly.

"Y/n speaking." You just answered back, looking at your friend who's anticipating a piece of good news.

"We just want to inform you that someone already signed up for the one-on-one class as your pair. The class will start this Monday, are you fine with it?" Your friend sighed in relief as soon as she heard it.

"O-okay. Sure." You felt a rush of anxiety travel throughout your body, as your fingers trembled hanging up the call.

"Hey, it's okay." Your friend wrapped the thick blanket around your shoulders before hugging you. Afraid that she might trigger your trauma. "You'll be fine." She tries to calm you down by rubbing your back.

2 days passed by quickly. Enough to make you coil up in bed instead of getting up. Your phone vibrates from an incoming message.

Dearest Jia: Take care later, okay? I know you can do it. I won't be able to go because of work, so I hope you understand:< but I'll pick you up when you're done! <3

You: I don't feel like going.

Dearest Jia: Noooo! You've come this far. You should go, I know you can do this!

You: Fine, I'll text you when I'm done with the class.

You tossed your phone on the bed as you grunt into your pillow. You're just glad your dance class starts at 3 in the afternoon. You still had a lot of time to prepare your body and mind.

Quarter to 3, you're already in front of the building, a few people going in at the same time. Probably for the group session. You wanted to go home but the lady called you out.

"Y/n! Please come in. I'll accompany you to the assigned room. I'm Daeun, btw." She extended her hand to you but you froze. You're too afraid. But someone else caught Daeun's hand. "I'm Taehyun, the one who signed up for the pair." A tall guy appeared on your side, shaking her hand. "I-i'm y/n." You meekly introduced yourself without touching any of them. The lady looked confused at first but she shrugged it off.

"Okay, I'll leave you two here, Mr. and Mrs. Hwang are inside already."

Taehyun pushed the door open, you were both greeted with a polished wooden floor and mirror walls in the wide room. Two people were sitting in the corner. They must be your instructors.

"Please come in!" The lady waved at the both of you.

"Do you know each other?" The man asked which the both of you only answered by shaking your head.

"I think we should start our class with an introduction. Don't you think?" The lady nodded.

"I'm Mr. Hwang and this is Mrs. Hwang. She's my wife and we mainly teach one-on-one classes. You are?" They turn their gaze to Taehyun.

"My name is Kang Taehyun. I also dance but not in this genre. So I wanted to learn this." They then looked at you.

"I... I am y/n. I signed up for the class t-to overcome my t-rauma." Your words are slurred, and your reason made your instructors gasp. "I-I used to be in a r-relationship. And t-they're the reason why I can't e-even touch people or let other p- people t-touch me." You bit your lip as you look up at them.

"Honey, but I'm afraid this dance requires a lot of holding and touching, what should we do?" Mrs. Hwang clasped both of her hands on her mouth as she turned a bit emotional.

"By any chance, can you hold someone when there's a barrier between them? Like, there is no direct skin-to-skin contact?" Taehyun spoke up, you nodded lightly at him. "It's been two years so I think I can tolerate it to an extent."

"Then I think we're good Mrs. Hwang. I'm thinking of using a glove or something. If that's what makes her comfortable. I don't mind at all." Taehyun remarked.

Taehyun ended up wearing gloves for your dance class. And as much as possible, he's avoiding any of your exposed body parts. He's also lightly touching you that you feel as though it's just air grazing your body.

So far so good, the 3-hour class ended up okay. Jia picked you up 30 minutes later after you texted her that you were done.

Your dance class went well the next day. And the day after that. And the following days after that. Days became weeks, weeks became months. It's all going well, with Taehyun's careful assistance over you.

Today was the day you decided to step further to your goal.

"Taehyun, I think we can now stop using the gloves. We've been dancing for a month now and I hate it whenever I think about the gloves. It feels like I'm being disgusted by you or something." You stated to Taehyun once the two of you were on a quick break. Within one month, you grew closer to Taehyun. The quick breaks were your time to tell stories to each other.

"Are you sure? You're not making me feel like any of that, by the way. But are you sure you can do it now?" His eyes seek yours. You simply nodded as you removed your jacket leaving you with your t-shirt on.

"Are you two, okay? Shall we continue?" Your dance instructor asked, checking on you, as you and Taehyun stood up. Taehyun discarded the gloves he was using on top of his bag as he folded his long-sleeved t-shirt up to his elbow.

You started off well. Taehyun holding your hand as gently as he could as usual. Letting you turn around with some quick footwork. It was all good actually, until he needed to lean in, holding your waist and your thigh. One more turn, his arms and fingers graze through your arms. His delicate fingers holding your waist once again. A quick turnaround. A step faster. A more closer proximity.

"You fucker! Come back here! I know what you did!"

"S-stop! We're already over Han!" You squealed as you blocked the door with your body.

"You're fucking dead meat when this door opens!"

Your tears wouldn't stop flowing from your cheeks as you kept your body pressed on the banging door. Han has been your boyfriend for 9 months now. At first, he was so good to you, treating you like the princess you deserved to be. But it was too good to be true that you started to feel it was wrong. Just 2 months ago he started hurting you physically and abusing you sexually. He was too obsessed with you too that he sometimes he would start locking you up in your apartment. Even your requests got declined. At first, you let it pass as you thought it was normal. But you started earning bruises and wounds. You barely ate, barely drank, you even barely slept. You would often get fevers too. The slightest noise would make your soul jump out and the slightest movement would make you flinch.

Jia, your friend, was the one who advised you to report him. So you did, that was why he was here banging at your door.

Han's voice can no longer be heard, hence you decided to quickly hide in your closet, as you dug out your spare phone you had hidden to contact your friend.

You quickly called Jia, telling her to call the police or something but you were cut off when the door bursts open. Han was holding a gun and laughing hysterically.

"Fuck you, you bitch! You're really dead!" You quickly covered your mouth.

"Come out, kitten. Come out from wherever the fuck you're hiding!" His voice echoed through the room drowning your quiet sobs.

That's when he forcefully opened the closet you're hiding. "Ohhh, you look so scared kitten, why?" He cooed at you as his lips stretched to form a mocking grin. "Move to the bed!" You shook your head. "Fucking move to the bed!" He fired a warning shot at the mirror, crashing it. You yelped at the noise. With your trembling body, you quickly scrambled your way to the bed covering your bruised-up body.

"Strip." He commanded as he pointed the gun at you. With no choice left, and your life at stake, you did what he ordered.

He crashed his lips on yours harshly. When he noticed you didn't kiss him back, he slapped you. Blood flowed through your lips as you choked on your sobs. With the gun still pointed at your head, he started harassing you again. His hand left a bruised mark on your neck as he tightly squeezes it. You could almost see the white light as your weak body just let him do anything. There was no use thrashing around as if you had accepted your dying fate.

"Freeze!" Was the only thing you heard before everything around you went black.

You opened your eyes inside the hospital, pulled every apparatus attached to your body and started screaming. It made Jia scream out and call for a doctor. They couldn't calm you down so they needed to give you a shot for temporary sleep.

Everything came swirling back to you. Pushing Taehyun away, causing your body to crash on the wooden floor. "Shit!" Taehyun cursed under his breath as he hurriedly pushed back his sleeves and wore the gloves again, picking up your jacket at the same time, before coming back to you. Your instructors let out a shock gasp as they also rushed over to you.

"Please grab a blanket or any thick clothing!" Taehyun shouts as he tries to ease you by covering your shoulder with your jacket.

Mr. Hwang passed Taehyun his padded jacket he always brought with him. Taehyun carefully wrapped the thick jacket around your body. He holds your face as he tries to soothe you.

"Y/n, look at me, please look at me." Sweat started to form on his forehead as tears freely flowed down your cheeks. "Please, look at me, and breathe slowly. Breathe slowly. Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale." Taehyun guided your breathing as his glove-cladded hands rubbed your cheeks.

Mrs. Hwang was panicking but Mr. Hwang tried to calm her down before he went out to grab a glass of water.

Your heartbeat slowed down for at least a bit. Taehyun guiding you helped somehow as you slowly calmed down. Taehyun got the water from Mr. Hwang and held it in front of you as he let you sip on the water slowly.

"Are you feeling okay now?" Taehyun tucked your sweaty hair behind your ears. His eyes were full of worry. "Do you wanna go home and rest?" He's still carefully rubbing your shoulder. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have removed the gloves. That was too risky." Taehyun mumbled as he hesitated to hold your hand.

That same afternoon, he called your friend over. He introduced himself and explained the situation. He let your friend take you home as he bid you two goodbye. You're lucky it was Friday at that time so you don't have to worry about waking up the next morning to go to your dance class. For the next two days, you spent it caving in your room. It helped you calm down.

Monday. You opened the door. You laughed at the scene in front of your eyes.

"What's that?" You chuckled as you placed your bag on the corner. Taehyun looks at himself in the mirror. He's totally covered. He's wearing a thicker glove and a padded jacket. His usual dress pants are now sweats. He's even wearing a mask. He scratched the back of his head.

"Pft. That's too much. Don't worry I'm fine now. Thank you by the way." You smiled at him.

"Are you sure? Because that scared me. I don't know what to do." He removed his jacket along with the face mask and the thick gloves.

"Mhm, I'm sure." You assured him.

"Okay then. We'll try again. Slowly this time." His eyes are full of concern as he looks at you. You smiled at him as you accepted his hand.

For another month, Taehyun tried to connect with you. Stopping whenever needed. Wearing the things he needs to wear whenever he can sense your anxiety rising. For once, you realize how he gently holds you. How he's always careful with you, treating you like a fragile glass that would easily break if you weren't handled correctly. One month passed without much problem. If anything, you're actually growing accustomed to it.

For some reason, you learned to feel comfortable with Taehyun's touch. The graze of his skin, his fingers, and his touch never terrified you anymore, and his existence no longer made you panic.

Now, he's solely the reason why you're still attending your dance class. You're slowly putting your trust in him. You're slowly putting your walls down. He can now hold your hand without fear. He can now dance without thinking that you would startled. He slowly introduced you to the steps that requires your body to be closer. Teaching you how the steps are supposed to be done. You're no longer panicking. Even when your face is just only few inches from him, you were actually smiling at each other. You no longer feared his touch. If anything, he's only leaving you all tingly with his warm skin.

You could feel the warmth radiating off his body. Whenever you leaned on his chest, it made your heart flutter. His breath on your shoulder, your neck, any part of your body makes the knot in your stomach twist tighter.

You're slowly craving for his touch. For how he cares for you, for how he tends to you. Whenever you're home, he keeps popping into your head. How his sharky smile appears whenever he's happy. The small noises he made. His cat-like attitude. He's the perfect example of hot, sexy and cute.

Every last week of the month, you would have all the time to yourselves to gather all your skills acquired. Because every once a month, you had to show what you have learnt in class. This now left the two of you alone in the dance studio. Perfecting every step and move you needed to show on evaluation day.

Taehyun's lingering touches left you all tingly. His deep voice sent a shiver down your spine. His breath alone makes your mind go in a twist.

"One step back, two steps to the front... One turn and... Lean you down." He's matching his words on every beat of the step. You thought it only happens in a fantasy world. But it was like the world stopped when his eyes were fixed on yours. His steady breath makes you hold yours. His eyes traveled down to your lips as he gulped. He mumbles a soft "You're pretty," before pulling you back to stand on both your feet.

His hands are both on your face as he slowly backs you to the mirror. His breath is unsteady and warm. The moment he got you pressed on the mirror, he leaned his forehead on yours as he closed his eyes.

"You're really pretty. So pretty I'm afraid I can't control myself." He whispered. Your hands were on his chest, you felt how his heart was thumping so hard.

"S-should we head out early?" You whispered, your hot puffs of breath touching his lips got him reeling as he cursed under his breath.

He quickly pulls away, holds your hand and grabs both of your bags. Both heading outside to his car. "Tell your friend I'm taking you home instead." The air in the car throughout the drive was so thick. His hands were gripping on the wheels, tapping impatiently when the road slowed down.

"Calm down, Tae, I'm not going anywhere." You chuckled as you placed your hand above his when it was resting on the gear shift. He throws a quick glance at you. He bit his lip as a flush crept up on his cheeks.

The drive was short, but Taehyun's action made it look like it was not. He hurriedly got out of his car, running over to your side to open the door for you as he held your hand. His jittery steps were heavy as you both made your way to his humble home.

"Come in." He nervously spoke as he placed his shoe on the rack, switching the light on in the process.

"D-do you want a drink or something?" He was almost running towards the kitchen.

You flop on his couch, making yourself comfortable at some point. "Come here, instead," you chuckled, "You're so anxious for no reason, Taehyun." He sat down beside you, wiping his sweaty palms on his dress pants as he sighed. You scoot over, holding his face, lips just a few inches apart.

"Wait," he pushed you a bit, "a-are you sure about this?" You nodded and smiled at him. "G-give me a minute." He rummaged through his back pocket pulling a handkerchief. You looked at him confused.

He unfolded the handkerchief and gently placed the thin fabric on your lips before crashing his lips on yours. He holds your nape as he climbs up on the couch. He slowly laid you down. Lips unmoving, yet it feels so hot. His lips were just merely pressed on yours with the fabric separating both of your soft skin.

He pulled away, kissing your forehead. "I'm sorry." He whispered as if he was the one who did you wrong. You gently pull the handkerchief away as you tangle your fingers in his hair. Taehyun never failed to take care of you in the most gentle way possible. He's not thinking of his pleasure at this point. He's thinking about you. To the point that he even thought of putting a piece of cloth between your lips just to be able to kiss you.

You wanted to cry at how he's taking care of you. Your eyes welled up with tears as you pulled him back. "I'm good now Tae, thank you for taking care of me. There's no need for the hanky." You whispered before your tears rolled down your cheeks as you kissed him, bare.

He's a gentleman. He's too good to be true. But you let your walls fall down and let him enter. You let him protect you instead. But his hungry kiss spoke thousands of emotions. His kisses travel down to your neck.

"Taehyun..." You whimpered as you gripped his hair.

"A bit more... Just a bit more..." He started sucking and biting your neck and shoulder, leaving splotchy red marks. He pulls away for a while, enough time to tug your shirt off your body.

His fingers slowly traced every scar you have on your body. The marks on your chest from the bottle Han once threw at you. The cigarette burns on your stomach. He also pulled down your skirts only to see stitches from your thighs. You got this when Han pushed you down the stairs. His finger draws back to your lips. The scar from the cut when he slapped you is still visible.

You covered your face out of embarrassment. You no longer look pretty with your all bruised-up body. "We can't do this here." Taehyun got up and carried you all the way to his bedroom. He laid you carefully as ever in his bedroom.

The bed dips down at his weight as he kneels between your legs. His head dips down to kiss every scar you have on your delicate body as if he's kissing your trauma away. He took his precious time. Not wanting to scare or startle you at any point. His actions are being done with all tenderness.

"Do you still want me to continue?" He asks when he hovers above your body, his elbows on both sides of your head. "I want you Taehyun, please do..." You whined biting your lip. "How can I say no when you say it like that, sweetheart." He sighed leaning his forehead on yours again. Your arms crawled under his shirt, feeling his toned body hiding beneath the soft cotton shirt he was wearing. "C-can you take it off? I feel so exposed." You mumbled as you tugged his shirt. "Ah, shit, I'm sorry." He quickly backed up to discard his shirt on the floor.

You stared at him when he was all fours above you. His body is totally toned. You can clearly see the firm muscles on his arms. His buff chest and his perfectly defined abs. "Touch me. I won't stop you. Touch me so you won't feel embarrassed anymore. Touch me so you won't feel as if I'm taking advantage of you. Touch me so you won't feel scared." He grabbed one of your hands and placed it on his chest, slowly dragging it down to his abs.

When he lets go of your hands, you continue to drag them down to the waistband of his dress pants. "C-continue..." His eyes were shut close, his lips trapped between his teeth. You can clearly see his abs tightening as he clenches with the graze of your finger on his waist. He gulps when you hook your finger inside. You unhooked the clip that's binding his pants and pulled the zipper down. His breathing hitched at the lingering touches you're leaving on his lower body.

You gently stroked him as you looked for his eyes. His lips were swollen at how he was biting it. "You won't let it out?" You tried taunting him. "Fuck..." He lets go of his long-held breath, hissing through his teeth. "Y-you're making me crazy, sweetheart... You're totally making me crazy..." He huffed as he tucked your hair behind your ear.

"Condom?" You asked. He reached into the small drawer just beside your head, pulling out a packet of condoms. "D'you wanna p-put it in f'me?" His words were short, and he was catching his breath. You gently rubbed the head of his cock as you rip the packet with your teeth.

"S-sweetheart, you're... Shit... You're k-killing me." He shuddered when you pressed at his slit, his jaw clenched tightly, his hand grasping the sheets.

You slowly drag your fingers on his cock as you wrapped it with the condom. "T-take your time... I w-won't do anything to hurt you or...ahh... or m-make you s-scared of me." He's struggling to hold back but he's doing his best. As soon as you were done, you tangled your fingers on his again, pulling him for a kiss. A kiss full of care. Gentle. Delicate. Sweet.

He pulls away, caressing your face once more. He pulls your underwear in one swift motion as he lines himself up on you, slowly pushing in. He continuously soothes you by rubbing his thumb on your cheek. "Don't be scared, hm? I'm here. It's just me..." He keeps on mumbling, repeating the same phrase as you nod back at him.

Once he has bottomed out inside you, he stays still as he continues to plant soft kisses on your face. You were tearing up not because of the trauma anymore, but because of the love and care he's showing you.

He unhooked your bra as he gently groped your breast, his fingers flicked on your nipple as he suck on the other. "Mmm..." You whimpered underneath his big body squirming at how his tongue danced on your nipple. He didn't take long, afraid that he might hurt or trigger your trauma.

"C-can I move now? I might end up c-cumming now. You've been clenching f-for some time..." He muttered under his breath. You nodded and covered your face again.

He pulled both of your hands and intertwined your fingers with him above your head. "Please don't cover your face. You're beautiful. You're still pretty even with your scars. You're still gorgeous even with your fear and trauma. Please... Just let me take care of you. I know it'll be hard for you, but I promise. I promise to hold you dearly and cherish you." His eyes were looking for answers.

"Taehyun... Please... Please take care of me from now on. Please hold me when I feel scared... Make me feel loved..." Your silent weeps were drowned as he kissed your nose. "I'll be your peace, sweetheart." He wiped your tears as he slowly thrusts in you.

"I... I promise to hold you as gently as I can... But... I think I might end up g-going hard right n-now." He buried his face in the crook of your neck.

Your arms reached over his back as your nails dug and dragged over his bare back. "T-Taehyun..." You moaned out his name as you writhed in pleasure beneath him. The slow thrust becomes a little bit more sloppy. The skin slapping echoed through the solitude of his room.

"Fuck. Please forgive me if e-end up going t-too hard. But I promise to d-do my best to hold b-back." He grunted as his thrust went harder. You shook your head wanting him to go harder.

"I-i can't hurt you... I w-won't..." He steadies the way he thrusts inside you making the knot on your stomach tighten as you feel your high just around the corner.

You held him as if your life depended on him, "Taehyun... I'm close." "D-do it, sweetheart. I'm g-gonna cum any m-minute." He pressed his lips on you to drown your moans as you both came. He rubbed your waist as he soothed you before pulling out. Tying the condom and disposing it in the bin, zipping up his pants at the same time.

He bends down to kiss your forehead as he grabs a pack of wet wipes cleaning you up. He picked up his shirt and made you wear it. He finally laid beside you as he pulled you on his chest, running his fingers through your hair.

"Are you hurt anywhere?" He checks on you, to which you replied by shaking your head and a smile. "Sorry for going too hard, I did my best to hold back," he mumbled as he kissed the top of your head. "I'm okay Taehyun. Thank you so much." Your eyes finally close as his warmth embraces you. He hums while still hugging you close to him.

"Please rest now, sweetheart. When you wake up, you no longer have to suffer anymore. You're safe with me. You're finally safe with me."

@binniesbooks 2024

[chronicallyuniconic]

Everything going on has started to weigh on me, I guess I'm processing but it's slow.

I haven't had any news from anyone, so this waiting period is starting to make me anxious. Yes, yes, no news is good news, but I still won't know what's going on if thats the case.

My head has been filled with tension all day & my heart keeps fluttering. I'm walking into rooms & catch my mind saying to itself "what am I doing in here?" but it's like it's another version of me asking, my body is separate from my thoughts.

I can barely string a sentence together without stumbling my words or using the wrong ones repeatedly. It's like half my brain has just decided to fuck off & I'm trying to put it back together.

Everything's confusing. Changing the channel. Writing this. Trying to make dinner. Going to the bathroom.

I'm wandering but my mind is way gone. Idk who I am or what this is and I guess I'm supposed to just accept it and not let it bother me or upset me cos that will only make me worse and everyone else sad. But I can't stop thinking about what's happening in my brain.

When will my next seizure be & is it going to scare the shit out of my love again, his worry, worries me. What parts of my brain might it affect & how many days will it take me to recover this time?

I read about SUDEP for 30 seconds and left it cos it's not a road I even wanna contemplate being a reality, yet. Why sink further into the hole right?

I wish more people knew about seizures, the lack of understanding seems to run wild with all longterm illnesses unfortunately.

[smileyg0th]

i just want to rant about how much i adore matt maltese. i’ve always listened to him, especially in my childhood cos i grew up hearing some of his music. recently (28th march), i saw him live in detroit. it was genuinely the most magical thing i’ve ever experienced. i’m so grateful that i was able to have my first concert be him. he was a bit late. he got caught in customs at the airport. i waited SO EAGERLY while others performed in place of him for that time. he arrived around 9pm, i genuinely started screaming like a little girl seeing one direction in 2010. genuinely i don’t think i’ve ever sung along to music more carelessly. i didn’t mind my voice cracking or me being off key. i quite literally just belted out all his fucking symphonies he’s created. i’m very selective with my music choices so i didn’t know every single song. i knew most of them though yeah? my mom’s favorite was called “strange time”. my dad knew “kiss me” because it’s a cover of a different song. my sister eagerly recorded it all to show her friends. she was so happy when the songs i taught her started playing, especially the ones she knows from tiktok (i don’t have tiktok so i don’t remember which ones. probably “as the world caves in”). i was so incredibly happy. i was jumping around and dancing and singing without any care. the bass and drums shook the whole place and i LOVED it. me and my mom belted “mother” together and me and my sister danced around on the balcony when “everyone adores you” played. my sister is so sweet. she yelled “I KNOW THIS ONE!!!!1!1!1!1!” every time a song she knew played 😭😭😭😭 /vvvvpos. during the encore i was really sad cos he didn’t end up playing my favorite song (intolewd). i was in the middle of (jokingly) throwing a fit when he started playing it and i SWEAR it was magical. hearing my favorite song live was absolutely a dream come true. there was a disco ball on the ceiling and it lit up during the chorus. i think it’s getting popular on tiktok and that’s why the disco ball lit up. which honestly kind of irks me cos like THATS MY SONG !!! /j. i went home all giddy from the concert. it felt like a dream. i’ve still got a cup from the bar they had there. had the YUMMIEST most SCRUMPTIOUS pineapple juice there bluh 😭🙏 /pos. we got pizza on the way home. it was like a 45 minute drive so i ate it at home. it was like 11:30 when we got home. everyone went to bed. i sat at the table with my messed hair and some random sweater cos i got cold and i ate pizza. was probably the most peaceful moment in my life so far. recently i had a brain scan, like 2 days ago i think. i’m very medically complex and need hospital a lot so when my schizophrenia symptoms got worse i was immediately ordered an mri. i grew up in the hospital and got them regularly until i was 6, but i was always sedated for them. this was my first one that i went through awake. they asked if i wanted to watch a movie during it or listen to music and i INSISTED music. i had a full blown panic attack in there because it was so fucking loud and overwhelming. but guess what!!!! i was listening to matt maltese through a damn stethoscope and that bitch helped me!!!!!!! i, for some reason, thought i was gonna die in there or something so i was shaking like a leaf but i genuinely stopped immediately hearing “krystal.” i don’t know why his music is so therapeutic to me. i got through it and came out halfway through “jupiter”, from the same album as “krystal.” i can’t explain how much matt and his music has helped me through literally everything. i’m sure he’s saved my life SO many times. god i could go on for HOURS about him. i just remembered his song “philadelphia” and OH MY GOD i’m fighting not to rant more about him and that song. i’m gonna stop here. literally nobody is gonna read this giggles

[leclercenjoyer]

tagged by my beloved @ayceeofspades thank u 💖

tagging @wolfiemcwolferson @duquesademiel @river-ocean @gaslybottoms

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

11 (10 under my username and 1 on anon)

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

30,363! my goal for the year was to hit 20k total so ive already smashed that

3. What fandoms do you write for?

f1 babyyyyy

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

something borrowed (my first fic which im genuinely quite proud of)

tip of the tongue (literally just pwp)

treat with care (girl brainrot)

no poor substitute (my a/b/o unwellness which was. shockingly well received)

helping hand (esteban hand propaganda)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i WANT TO but i always feel so awkward and i never know what to say 😭 i dont know how to adequately express my emotions so i just end up. never getting around to it and i feel BAD ABOUT IT

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

muscle memory... its like. my singular angsty fic. the ending is nice and hopeful right up until i shatter it with a hammer but it Had to be done. its simply how it is.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

i think all the other ones!! possibly no poor substitute or treat with care because they both end on an "oh this is a New Relationship now" while something borrowed and tip of the tongue are both more like. we were already hooking up but i guess its serious now.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

no and if i ever did i would cry forever

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

almost exclusively jdkjhdkjhs it is my Favored Terrain. i feel like my smut is. emotional and grounded? or at least thats what i hope.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

no, not that im aware!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

non! but i would be delighted if anyone did.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

no but i hope to one day!!!

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

i have been thinking about pierresteban literally non-stop for the past 14 calendar months i am so fucking sorry to everyone who knows me

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

my singular wip on ao3 is on anon and... i dont know if i'll ever finish it but i hope i will at some point. and as for unpublished wips... i have a lot. i dont know if ill ever get around to finishing most of them.

16. What are your writing strengths?

i have consulted the gang and i have been told that i am good at tying the physical and emotional together (which is something i do Deliberately try to do as much as i can) and that i am very meticulous with what words i choose to use to carry a mood

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

DIALOGUE GOOD GOD. every single bit of dialogue ive ever written has been like pulling teeth. the thing is i dont know how to talk like a human person and i dont know how human people talk so it is my worst nightmare. one of my eternal wips is one i started and got like 3k words into before realizing that the dialogue would have to do the heavy lifting for the rest of the fic and then i was like "oh god damn it im an idiot arent i". also sentence structure that isnt subject-verb-object. but im kind of leaning into it tbh.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

my honest to be honest opinion is just. write the dialogue in english and if you NEED to specify what language the character is speaking just be like "he says in [language]" UNLESS the pov character doesnt understand what theyre saying. literally simple as that.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

f1 baby!!! this is literally the first fandom that has broken through the barrier in my brain thats kept me from writing fic my entire life. not even amc's the terror 2018 could do that.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

honestly? something borrowed. it was the first fic i ever completed literally in my life and i have such a soft spot for it and people were so UNBELIEVABLY nice to me about it!!!!

[ginnsbaker]

This chapter was so juicy omg lets get straight into it

Agatha literally embodies me 😂 everything shes said i’ve either said or thought. From her saying she never had faith in reader’s relationship with yelena to calling it a rebound. She’s exactly right and i’ll come back to those two quotes a little later. The other thing about sparky being a mastermind is something I genuinely thought earlier on i was like aw damn the dogs bringing them back together but I didn’t say anything and now i really wish i did cos same agatha same 😂

Im gonna speak about wanda briefly here and then I’ll come back to her affer. But in that whole conversation with agatha she’s very mature about the whole thing considering reader kissed her. She’s not getting excited about it out of respect for readers relationship(that’s already over but she doesn’t know that yet) shes also being cautious because of what happened last time with reader.

Im glad Valkyrie apologised and that wanda didn’t string her along honestly did not want another reader yelena relationship for lack of better words.

Vision is gone thank fuck for that he will not be missed.

Natasha. Quite possibly one of the saddest parts of the series. Nothing hurts quite like a friendship breakup between best friends. I said it last time and my views haven’t changed. Nat is supposed to be readers friend, while I completely understand why shes angry it makes sense yelenas her little sister and i get it but reader is also her friend. It a complicated situation because its very difficult to be neutral. Reader shouldn’t have cheated full stop. However, if we’re being realistic some could argue reader has been emotionally cheating since the start considering the love for wanda was always there. But back to my point this relationship should never have happened to begin with or at least not when it did. Yelena shouldn’t have pursued reader and reader shouldn’t have dated her either especially not without having the therapy that is so desperately needed. Im not blaming yelena or saying nat’s reaction is wrong because i truly understand both sides its just really sad that this is how its ended. Im not sure what your plans for nat are for once i genuinely dont have a clue.

I think its very ironic that at the start of this wanda didn’t really have that big a support group but now thats kind of the reverse because reader now has no one. I also think its very like idk what the word is “impactful” i guess that now reader’s lost everyone but wanda is still there for them.

Back to wanda. Idk how to feel because we know what happened to wanda last time they entered this sort of arrangement and i really don’t want it to again because she has made so much progress. On one hand i feel like she won’t let herself go back that far but the ones we love can be our weakness sometimes. And on the other hand it seemed different this time less aggressive like the way reader cushioned wandas head. But one thing I didn’t like was reader leaving with no aftercare i saw someone else say it and I definitely agree. PSA to everyone aftercare is so so so important okay? Good. And i also don’t like Wanda missing therapy because of this arrangement it feels like a step backwards (which isn’t necessarily a bad thing in terms of story writing cos like i said last time recovery is not a linear path and its really validating that you’ve included that)

And finally pietro. Oh dear god the anticipation is killing me. Ive been dying for chapter 17 and its almost here. He knows why wanda missed the sessions (or at least suspects) and i think hes got a picture of wanda in the hospital or maybe after he found her (im not quite sure who found wanda after she overdosed I don’t remember but uno what i mean💀) and hes gonna send it to reader maybe saying back off

I swear im in love with your brain youre incredible I can’t wait for chapter 17

-🧃

Reading your comments/thoughts is always a favorite habit of mine whenever I post an update. Like, srsly dude, I look forward to it.

There's something you highlighted that I did not even intended in the story: I think its very ironic that at the start of this wanda didn’t really have that big a support group but now thats kind of the reverse because reader now has no one. I also think its very like idk what the word is “impactful” i guess that now reader’s lost everyone but wanda is still there for them.

I guess that happened naturally. I mean, when you're maintaining a positive vibe in life and taking care of yourself in general, suddenly there's room for people in you life who also want to share the same outlook in life. You attract good energy. You're able to take care of relationships around you because you're in a good place. I guess that's what happened :)

Yes, aftercare is really important. R is neglecting herself, wasting away, so she really is incapable of thinking about another person's needs at this point.

My mind?? Look at your mind! Look at what you'll think Piet would do O_O

Once again, thank you! I super enjoy reading your points!

[goldensunset]

> name your favorites

there is literally nothing id rather do more i fucking love vocaloid and kikuo is basically number one i put my kikuo playlist on repeat all the time. im a lil fucked up and its cathartic what of it <3 (joke)

(also i am actually studying japanese - i got into vocaloid because of that actually lol - so i instinctively use the japanese names sorry djfjsjf i promise im not trying to be pretentious thats just how i have them saved in my brain)

anyway number one is im a basic bitch with gifted kid burnout and impostor syndrome. i have never related to a song more than i do aishite aishite aishite

number two is probably fukai mori. i just Really Like the ethereal and mystical sound of that one

number three is a straight tie between the two longest ones <3

kara kara kara no kara my beloved eight minute experimental monstrosity you will always be. well duke i guess since aishite and fukai mori have you beat. whatever

and my beloved absolute-mindblowing-experience-with-stereo-headphones anagura-gurashi... ochite ochite ochite youkou yo...... ikenai ikenai samishii samishiiiiiii......... seriously i love how with headphones the two voices come from different ears and the music sounds like its coming from behind you... dont fall in the holeeeee

i have a particular soft spot for kimi ga shinde mo yurushite ageru because of how soft and genuine it sounds. i also like how it can be interpreted several different ways but lbr thats just the joy of kikuo in general lmfao

O LIGHT. o light makes me actively insane. the fucking accordion break amidst a near operatic, desperate song is SOOO fucking good

uhhhhhhhhhhh. clicks over to my playlist. mono wo parapara kowase is a classic. shikabane no odori also.

gomen ne gomen ne is also a Very good song but uh. dear god above. whoof. that one is Rough even by kikuo standards. theres a reason its infamous

i also like yoru no uta its one of the boppier ones while still having kikuos vaguely depressing, mysterious lyrics

i already mentioned i really love mitsukannai but i also adore ii ko to youko lol. the scream at the end is so good

and uhhhhh. his latest one according to his yt at least lol. sono manma. i cant. remember the full title. is also really good

those are the ones i have on my playlist at least i definitely need to listen to more but he makes such good music and has so many songs its a bit overwhelming lol

oh god i talked more abt kikuo than i did majoras mask. jfgjdjf i like music a little bit <3

WAIT I ALMOST FORGOT KAERU NO ODORI. that one makes me insane the continously increasing tempo and percussion combined with the increasing repetitiveness of the lyrics. its soooo good its so good. eieeeen ni eien nii......

SHAKING UR HAND!!! i am also. well all i’m going to say is that kikuo music sounds normal to me and then i take a step back and realize that like oh man this says something about me right. if someone else knew they’d be like man what is going on with you inside your brain. but it IS cathartic. and sometimes i just want something insane to describe a very specific type of nameless emotion

also i like. tbh i alternate between english and japanese titles when referring to these songs LOL. like some are japanese to me and some are english to me simply. but i’m the reverse actually i’m casually studying japanese because of vocaloid! like i don’t watch anime or want to live in japan i just want to daydream about properly translating these lyrics

first i’m gonna respond to the ones you already mentioned <3

nothing wrong with being basic aishite aishite aishite is also my top favorite and the reason i got into kikuo etc etc!!!!. sometimes popular things are popular for good reason!!! i absolutely love the feeling of desperation and insanity in that one y’know? dear people who have co-opted it into a yandere song listen i’m glad you’re having fun but you’re so missing the point there it is about being parented poorly. in any case it’s a banger tho!!

i LOOOOVE kara kara kara no kara fun fact that was one of the first ones i listened to back when first getting into kikuo/vocaloid in general and my initial impression was like ‘ack what is this’ and like it got so intense and fast it like spiked my heart rate which made me uncomfortable. then i revisited it the following year after having had my metaphorical frog boiled and was like ok actually this isn’t that weird at all it’s a wacky banger. again with the like. songs that cover a type of emotion you can’t describe. when kara kara kara no kara hits nothing else does

anagura-gurashi WAOH so fun with the steel drums and the garbled vocals from miku at that one long high note and the just general dark and drowning type vibes… i discovered apparently relatively recently there was like an animation meme going around set to a cover of this song and now i’m like oooh i wanna get in on that… also yasss the panning back and forth and multiple voices. multiple kikuo songs do it and it’s sooo fun

kimi ga shinde mo yurushite ageru yo IS a pleasant sounding one. i may not understand what’s going on there and knowing kikuo it’s surely dark but like. lot of these songs have the vibes of like ‘yes there’s something wretched going on here probably but let’s have fun with it let’s make peace with it’. soshite kimi wa tsuki ni natta is similar in that vibe. dark yet whimsical about it… that’s the secret sauce kikuo tends to deliver. even better when it’s catchy

the vocals on hikari yo are i n c r e d i b l e are we talking about the hanatan version here? i’m like the number one kikuohana fan in the world you don’t understand. for this song in particular like wow the way she just sounds like she’s desperately screaming everything out like begging for help trying to get out of an endless nightmare… how do i get a voice like that dude!!!! love the way the song starts with like a single beat of pause and then instantly goes 🎵AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH🎶 also no kidding!!! when the accordion comes out you know you’re about to hear one of the greatest tracks ever produced. who else uses it like this guy man

mono wo parapara kowase!!! littlejayneycakes’ english cover is not bad actually. what an interesting concept…. being obsessed with destroying the things people love just to mess with them because you have a fixation on like spiritually destroying them, but then they love you, so now you fall under that category, and this destroy yourself… song’s a fun chaotic one too

shikabane no odori is dear to my heart bc like a few years ago before i was even into the vocaloid scene an artist/editor i followed would make video edits of a certain game i liked set to whatever music they liked and they were into kikuo so i first heard a lot of songs from them so i associate them with those awesome edits. honestly that same artist has gotten me into so much lol

gomenne gomenne is like the one thing i’m not brave enough to give a second chance lol. there’s dark and weird stuff and then there’s That. i know i’m stronger now than i was when i first heard it/read the lyrics but like It Was That Bad.™️ its entire own level for my own sanity i closed the vid after i was like halfway through

yoru no uta is fun (depressing undoubtedly) when i’m listening but it isn’t as fun to sing along with bc of how repetitive it is. yoru yoru yoru yoru yoru yoru yoru yoru… the new vid is fun though

i already said but ya those are some of my favorite kikuomiku7s! plus fukai mori no naka de for the reasons mentioned. and yesss absolutely on the fun yell at the end

as it is, as it is, without change (don’t remember the japanese title either lol) i think i’ve only listened to once or twice so i’m not sure

kaeru no odori is such a fun lil silly one hehe

ok so for my favorites (bc this post isn’t long enough right):

1. aishite aishite aishite (already talked about)

2. urami no warutsu. SUCH a banger honestly. like malicious fun ghost revenge plus fairy tale waltz vibes and so incredibly catchyyyy… tooi tooi yoru no hate de…. urami tsuzukeyo aishita hito yo…

3. desert theater. i NEED more people to hear this one it is just stunningly beautiful if i am being so honest. hanatan is PEAK here. the lyrics are like typical kikuo but the background music is unlike anything else he’s ever done and i need more. and the fun time signature…

ok those are the ones i solidly have a ranking for but my next batch of top faves that i didn’t already mention:

• akazukin no ookami- this one is so much edgy funnnnnnn good old i want to be evil hee hee. a very straightforward one conceptually (you are the wolf tricking little red ridinghood)

•ufo- for reasons mentioned it’s so shockingly different from everything else. both genuinely beautiful and relatively low energy and somber compared to the rest of kikuo’s discography. sounds so wistful and homesick and yet whimsical as you’re being whisked away into space… the part where the tempo rapidly speeds up and then slows way down before returning to a steady pace is my favorite. lot of incredible accordion solos in this one

•butaisei nanika/histrionic- oh how badly i need a good english cover of this one there are so many characters and ocs i’d love to work with this song to… another somber banger. yeah man let’s put on masks and play pretend through our sorrows. featuring more incredible accordion and more steel drum like in anagura-gurashi!!!

•nobore! susume! takai tou! - this is the kind of song i’d love to sing with a huge group of people where we like each take turns singing each verse as a solo and then on that recurring refrain we all sing or something

•midwinter’s daughter- too lazy and tired to translate this one into japanese but i just love the like kind of cold yet bright feeling it gives off. another slow melancholy one plus it’s a duet

•i am amazed how underrated lie lie lie is tbh. also the way not even hanatan can sing all that at full speed without needing to desperately gasp in the middle of the chorus there

•wolf boy can be fun

•aisare hibiware kagami no uta is a REALLY fun one especially with the two octave slide up at the end??? when i successfully sing that and hit that note it’s such a good feeling. like this is the kind of thing i’m talking about when i say kikuohana needs more attention

•fukouya no musume is a fun one for like halloween or something. or maybe it was just one of the first spooky ones i heard. the first few seconds sound like a horror movie then it hard cuts to something kinda swanky then hard cuts to silence underneath the vocals aside from like hard piano hits. idk how to explain it but the chorus does this interesting thing where like the melody itself is just jumping between the same two or three notes in rhythm but the backing music changing underneath is what gives the music its rich color

•moon demon is a more recent addition to my playlist i love a good song that kind of sounds like you’re torturing a machine but also slow jamming but evilly

•sea is has some really nice background music to it (it’s not much of a lyrical one) (also yes the title is ‘sea is’) there’s a youtube channel i like that creates instrumental piano covers of lots of voca songs and esp kikuo songs and they have a really lovely one for this one. i may be insane but also gentle piano my beloved. check out bosshogg

ok these are all the ones i’m going to mention JFHXBDJDNDJND i have a lot but a lot are just kind of background noise to me. thank you for rambling about music w me

[solardick]

So i walked past this girl today. Whike getting coffee and she gave me attitude as she walked oast ne cause i wasn’t oogling her. Yup. I hate life.

You werent that pretty girl. Youre too overdone. And im pretty sure ive been dosed with soemthign again. Becaus ei have no drive and all i can feel is my rectum. Its disturbing. Like i soend all night beign fucked while unconscious. Maybe its prostate cancer. And im about to become impotent.

Sorry, no life for you. You are now abject. From everything.

Thinkbill complete the imf course and then apply to the training course. And then boom.

How long does it take to die from prostate cancer.? …. Awh. Its not very good. High chance of survival. Naw, im peeing fine.

Awh, what happened to ted lasso? It’s all a chick drama. Fuck season two. The forst season was great. Skip to the end of season. Whats the outcome?

Clench clench clench clench. Muscle gonna get sore.

Guess im never gonna know what not feeling abused is like. In a world thats hypes peace and love. What a bunch of bullshit.

Maybe its the pine apple. Or the “dominance of venus aspects with transiting mars. They are stealing mars from me. The whole controling projectstions thing they do day in and day out.

So what to do with all this time off? Too much co trol and oppresion to be able to fucntion anyeay.

Of course. Ted lasso gors from supper positive, proactive and supportive and motivational to season two of a feminine drama to season three of homosexuality. Touch media. Keep uo the brain eashing.

I need a ciggarette. Keep my idealized depression going and gove me an upper to whatever brain chemical produces functional behavior. And more unatural weather varying 25+ degrees a week. Right god? Or ehatever they doing to the weather.

Oh and its a day for crows. Waiting to devour ny fucken soul.its like a giant turd. Spreading out its arms wanting to hug you.

In going to go hang out at work. 20+ years of solitude and debasemment have left me insane. To be alone. So we take to mars and we go to venus.

So the baseball manager is fired and,

So the girl is gone. Maybe it was the devil card that did it. I did everything right. Guess we had near exact aspects. Guess she couldn’t handle me reflecting back her own bs. It was so nicely done too. Cause i gave it to the guy that she used to flirt with to hurt me, to give to her.

Alright whos the next girl? Im starting to win these. And since ive already been raped thi k it may be safe now. For other pwoole to mind therir OWN FUVKING BUSINESS.

Oh look that girl just gave me a nod of approval.

Should have seen their faces when i showed up and said yeah, i’d rather be here then watching gay tv. All of their faces sunk and showed disposition. Bunch of queers. And well for ted lasso was pretty much the experience i was being guided through at the time of its release. From a new start full of motivation. To a drasic change of queer bs. And then they raped me. Well atleast the forst season is safe. Im gonna binge that until its memorized. And i can role play as him.

Civilization only looks like a simulation because is lot f eats it is. It is basses asround sn organized script witH its own mathematical laws emdeded into the vary fabric of society. Took generations to perfect. Its an artificial plan for an artificial life. Robotics.

Whatever. Ive been being treated sexually since i was 6 years old. Your fucken system stile everything from me even childhood. I dont want to be alive anymore. And then family stole my you g adulthood and now they are dtealing my maturity. Theres not a dtate in my life where i dont get fucked over.

Ok so Russians and war. Current dialogue says to refrain from russian influence. That they are an enemy to the current state of affairs and are being a real irritate to the peace and dove agenda of the wanting wor’d order. Its curious in comparison that the films releases here say, that plugging into artificial reality is discouraged. Attention needs to be paid to reality. Focus and attention on real world matters is suggested. This also in line to “covid” as does sword art alone. The japenesse series places thr timing of its event on 2022. Wile being released to the public on 2012. Shows a trap in virtual reality, while all reasoning is to escape the imprisonment. Eventual the protagonists do. But remain there afterwards. With the use of free will and choice. And the american film. 2012. Shows a world being swallowed by the ocean.

If one goes to, or went to duolingo and chose russian the first word they learn is stupid. With in this bubble of conditioning. Any attempt to move forwards in the strengthening the proactive use “masculinity” towards the power of logo. Is discouraged. Subject must needs divergence from natural script. Taken out and drowned in lies.

Trying at outmost to steal the only connection one had left. All good will. And the presence of god guiding me true. When the atmoshpere turns and is impregnated eith meaning. And if one fallows it. leads to the wondrous. Uplifting stabilizing kiss of an angel.

It’s, fucken miraculous.

I hope a get to see her again. It feels my heart with intimacy. Hahah only from an angel.

It does feel like a turd. Well they are selling turd toys. Hot to catch them young.

Just got to live a life of being forced to be dissatisfied. Dont get want you want, dont get what you need, you dont get a say.

Hmm feel those muscles.

And no to becoming a desire driven invalid. That knows no bounds. Nope. I cut that thread it was nothing but evil and death. Haunted by the family and all these supporters. I was born in hell. Thats all there is. With their gross shit encrusted finger grappling on to me. Got to create a new emergence scene, one away from the evil feminine and the degenerate, delinquent masculine. Into the abscence of bs with the effeminate. Same script. Almost died. Didn’t matter.

Quit watching tv or gaming. Out effort in repairing myself, still under constant destabilizing pressures. But then i was lured and guided to walmart. And its pisces capital. All motivation being sent towards acquirement. Haha. Framing my disposition towards their goals. Making sure im a wreck. Set up experiences. As desperation grew ever more towards that peace of angel or just even a mutual back and forth. Nothign matters. Continue the show. Where do i go? What do i see? What do i feel?

Who am i here to please?

So we will fallow through on the opportunity to de-toxify. Think about shape. Work on healthier habits. And then. I lose everything and have to start over again.

When i stop feeling my ass. That be great. Im not sure if a need to take a shit or take a dick. Or if their both the same thing. I aint fucken ifentifying with that. Mars venus meecury mars venus mercury. So many positive relastionship aspects and here i am alone. Ass tingling. Fantastic. Guess their never going to stop. Think i might need some medication soon. Like an anti depressant. Theuy’d bever give me a gun though.

But at any rate. When it comes to designing a deck. Using a preset. Writing out a list of power words and attaching to them images one would like to see. And then setting them to script. Add in numerology. Namely the law of the scriptless. And attch that to the calendar. With trued attaention of the clock. A triple layer. The forth layer consist of “surface appearance” and the various association that can be implicated.

From this the mind can pick up various interconnected patterns. Swaying through layers to near 500 000 posibilities. 27 to the power of four.

That be fun.

There’d have to be a rule for the stance of each letter depending on its position in the power word. As if the E-fool was kept. All words starting with E. E is a complex number. It extends at length to an infinite object. Whether. Its a stop sign or a go. Remember there are no go signs. Ever. Is a power word. It includes all. Or excludes all. Never ever. Every- thing-one-body-time.. Extend. Extinguish. Endeavour. And one may see the difference the second letter fallowing E has in shaping to harmony. Though i dislike how endeavour starts with an end. Like end favour.

Which is…. Cool, considering the E card for the above is found inside the Emperor. Standing for letter F. One can fallow the predesvribe order. And focus on changing the image itself of the emperor to the scripts antagonist. Since you know Fuck, is an Ever word. And fail. Fall. Feel, fleet, fly, finger. Fish flow. Fact. Fun. So F isnt so Fun at the 4th level word. Or so dumb crap like that. Its late im tired. And my ass is still “sensible.” Im afraid to go near it.

Hm, guess the only thing i was ever ment to focus on in life was sex. 6 years old. Not allowed not to be. Its just keeps coming from without. Wtf, right? I dont know. Theyre jsut going to keep doing it. And i may be out of a job again. Because people wont leave me be. I dont want to get drunk and killmyself. Thats a shitty way to go. Id rather a gun.

Its time to send me a sexy Adreian. All chill and relax and sensous. Fill me up good. All inknownis sex drigs and violence. Indont knwo anythign else. Im not allowed to. Ive never felt loved before. Not from a person. Only my angel. Only from an animal.

My butt is gonna be so tight. He’s gonna love it. Im no stranger to the dick i was born and bred for this shit. Over 30 years training. You’ll never go back. Oh rats. I finished on pussy. God dammed it.

Thank you lord, god and father. For being there for all results. May your graceful light dance on the wind and kiss my cheek. Awh, i blush lord, god and father. Be you a presence of obtained bounty in mine air.

Amen.

I can prey better then you can mother fuckers.

Or like P for the hanged man, hanging there. Its head, aburst with light. Happy little guy. Poor poor hanging penis. Its tied there. Just a little snip.

Yeah’ my doctor snipped me. Wifey doesn’t like the downlow process of pairing plastic. And no more kids! Am I right?” O dont know my life is beign wasted away in an artifical program to turn me into a women for beign intentionally destabilized? Well hate to beat you to the punch but your thirty years too late. I fixed that shit. That shit was wrong. And i know its not my fault. And it still osnt now. Wow. Look at that. Its true what they say about reach arounds. Uh. I mean come arounds.

Truth in misery and all that.

Maybe if the world stoped killing my “prayers” id post soemthign other than bs.

Awh yeah. I think my gas broke. I got a shit baby to deliver.

🤷🏻‍♂️

[regular-john-16278]

20 Questions for Fic Writers!

(no one tagged me I just wanna do it)

1.) How many works do you have on AO3?

7, officially, but I've been writing for yonks and I used to like write a fic and then orphan it when I was younger and I did that a lot so idk fully lol

2.) What's your current AO3 word count?

again officially, 166,268 (although this is due to start increasing again)

3.) What fandoms do you write for?

AOT & kinnporsche. I have WIPS for good omens, marauders, LOTR, Not Me, manner of death, mdzs, mortal instruments/shadowhunters & supernatural tho

4.) Top five fics by kudos?

Take Me Somewhere Nice

Blood Hands

The Usual

Don't Tell

Hear Me

(which only tells me I need to write more bc i dont like 2/5 of those anymore lol)

5.) Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

absolutely every single one if i can, although I usually leave it until ive updated then go through em all while the nxt chapter is fresh in my mind idk why

6.) What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

uhhhhhhhh they all have pretty happy endings tbh i actually rly dont like angsty endings they stress me out lol. if i had to pick maybe New Dawn Fades but thats bc its a horny ending

7.) What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

hahahahaha uhhhhh probably The Usual just bc its sooooo fucking corny and cheesy like tooth rot shit that i wrote in 2019

8.) Do you receive hate?

eh not rly, sometimes get like constructive criticism n people correcting my errors but i respect that like ur helping me out at the end of the day so cheers.

9.) Do you write smut?

yeah mate im getting my head around it i had a break but im back on that bullshit

10.) Do you write crossovers?

nah. my brain is too small to get my head around diff universes. take my metaphorical hat off to people that do write crossovers tho that shit seems super complicated to me

11.) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i am aware of but ive had people offer to publish my shit elsewhere which i have no interest in

12.) Have you ever had a fic translated?

YES by ME into ITALIAN but thats it no one else has translated my shit. I am tempted to translate all my fics into italian tho maybe

13.) Have you co-written a fic before?

sort of? i proofread for a bit, and i had a rly cool idea for a crossover collab situation with an old discord pal but that never hit the ground alas. still have the WIP somewhere on docs, who knows one day it could come into fruition.

14.) What's your all time favourite ship?

........ all time is a ROUGH question.

up until like 2020 it was eren n levi from AOT, like there was a time when i ONLY read AOT fics.

but now....

hmmmm thats rough actually. I think maybe malec just because they were like one of the first gay couples i consumed in media. Just imagine little John sat in the back of the library reading my cool nephilim demon killing book and BAM gay and bisexual characters got me feeling all warm and fuzzy n shit ygm

15.) A WIP you doubt you'll ever finish?

that is ACTIVE, lol probably New Dawn Fades idk why apologies, maybe one day

that is in my docs drive, 1000000000% the mdzs fic thats set in a lotr-esque universe AKA all the sects are elf clans. I put a shit ton of effort into planning it like honestly HOURS but im so intimidated by my plan idk if i cld ever finish it haha

16.) Writing strengths?

hmm

i like that moment when a character sees someone they are bound to fall in love with / are immediately in love with. idk if thats a strength thats more of a like

dialogue i guess, mainly bc my best fic is currently PURELY dialogue

tenderness and hurt/comfort situations omfg i live for that shit

17.) Writing weaknesses?

I get overexcited and rush shit lol

i never wanna end stuff so i drag it on for ages too so direct opposite

18.) Will you write dialogue in another language?

yessir i frequently do and intent to continue doing so

19.) What was your first fandom?

if we're talking fanfic fandom, then AOT

20.) What's your favourite fic that you've ever written?

like all my WIPS hahahahahha

if we're talking active then def take me somewhere nice tbh for some fucking reason, although im still chuffed with the concept of blood hands

do this if u want, i just saw this and felt like it bc i am procrastinating from fic writing how mad is that

[lostacelonnie]

Hey no worries i have to interact with people i dont wanna all the time & have to take a moment & not be like that myself. Oh shit its school time already? Maybe some will know but the beauty is that eventually you reach a point where nobody will who you dont want to so fuck it we ball on that one. Lakeside beaches are also very good i think mt fuji in japan has some like. Lakeside beaches that offer a good view of it & i wanna see that. Im not sure what the definition of fancier english words is here but mostly you dont need them in my experience anyways. Even specific words have workarounds. Ah so making it easier & more generic but not going into the details like they used to. Thats a shame especially with how confusing english can get. I went one town over a week or two ago & it was 108 F, or 42 c i had to convert that, at like 8 at night i was dying. Totally fair sometimes knowing when to hold off is best & its nice to enjoy stuff later for certain things. Turned out i had enough for 2 ten pulls but kafka came home on the first so my luck got burned for a bit i think. Cant wait to use her. The story is interesting but ive been having. So much fun diving in fontaine i ignored the story for a whole day. Good luck on your gear maxing & eventual ender dragon fight! Ah yes a tough choice. That i guess boils down to how much you like your family. So good luck on that decision as well! Oh please do! I found a purple that should work with my hair just need to use it when i have time. I would like to grind more but it kills my phone battery. Oh i got sampo too but i dont think i need to worry about building yet. So no artifact grind for me. The aeons are conceptually really cool & i cant wait for more simulated universe. When i get back to it. So many side quests. My brain is a sponge for fish facts mostly. Its weird. Like antarctic sponges are theorized to live so long because the low temperature & high pressure slow their aging dramatically

thanks ahdfkjg i appreciate it. it is indeed school time already! i start in just under a week but the beginning of the school year is pushed back this year bc september 1st is on a friday so its starting on the 4th instead! yippee! and yeah defo but luckily the people who already know, that being my mother and a couple friends, are very chill about it so even More fuck it we ball. yeah im pretty sure it does but not completely certain. speaking of which maybe ill go see mt fuji if i end up traveling more when older. and well its hard to explain shdfj i mostly mean like, rarer words used, for example, in poetry, or more specific words, lets say the parts of a ship- which, yes, i DO know the basic ones, but theres a couple that i only know the polish equivalent of [for example, a dziób is called a prow! i had to look that up!]. but yeah it doesnt really hinder my day to day understanding of the language, its just occasionally mildly annoying. and yeah it is like that but oh well. GOOD LORD 42C????? id just Perish. the moment it starts getting uncomfortable for me is like 27c [80f]. yeah ill see What Life Brings!! and oh congrats!!! tbh i didnt really have the energy to play star rail recently sjdnflgk but at least i converted that time into actually drawing so id say its for the better. and oh cool!!! im back in warsaw so ill probably check it out any day now sjdkfjm if im not too busy with rain world that is. god i love rain world. and thank you!!!! its extremely funny bc while ive liked minecraft for YEARS now i never actually ended up beating the game cos i have an unfortunate tendency to abandon saves.... but ill try to finally do it. beat the fake gamer allegations. i do actually like my family, or at least my mother since im not really close with my half siblings [all adults, also 2 outta 3 dont moved out of poland] or the rest [live like half the country away] so yeah i still have to think about it. anyway, dye update: i actually managed to do it! finally. thank god. and oh i feel you, my phone was dying bc of memory so i play on pc now. best decision of my life tbh. YEAHHH im so curious about them...... SWARM DISASTER GAME MODE SOON THO....... AND EPIC thats so cool!!! i love hearing fish facts knowing damn well im Not going to remember anything

[therealaves-blog1]

I want the void to hear my takes on Star Trek: Coda

Part 2 of Book 2.

Sisko comes up the road to Jake’s house on Bajor with his wife and tells him to run fast, easily passing a good dad skill check to convince him. Jake’s wife seems to be the same lady he married in the alt future of The Visitor, one of the most heavy DS9 episodes (which is saying something what with the war and such). The DS9 Bois: Bashir, who everyone notes looks like crap; O’Brien, what the fuck are you doing chief engineering out here, you should be on earth with your wife; and Nog, now first officer on a california class ship (hey! thats the one from lower decks, neat!) all arrive to drink Dax off and then plot some shit. Sisko tells them about some vision shit and they go to find Kira.

Spock is meditating and gets woken up by Savik (Special Guest Star Kirstie Alley) who says he was sleep walking which is confirmed by the whole in the middle of a monk room thing. She offers aid to find out who’s brain is going wrong and they go brain diving to discover: its Worf! and his brain isnt bad its actually being attacked by echos of itself from other realities. Spock decides to go help him out, and also maybe contribute to this whole prevention of temporal doomsday thing. I guess Riker is getting possessed by his own ghosts from dead histories? and its making him an asshole?

Sisko meets with Kira and is a lil worried about how many people are all doomsdaying it up (there is apparently a prophecy for this which of course there is lmao, why wouldnt there be). He meets with Kira and they’re very much same vision as they do the Predator shake. He gives her a comm badge so she can discreetly leave to not cause a panic (she’s apparently a big deal on account of being the Emissary’s pal and being possessed by that Prophet that one time). Picard and Co wait for the search to thin out before they resume course for the wormhole, Data thinks its the point the Devidians are getting in to this reality through and thinks its worth considering destroying it to buy more time. Fucked up. Weird space dudes live up there. Sisko’s mom is up there.

A ship finds them and its Spock who wants to help out. they ask him how he found them and he just says some bullshit that can be summarized as ‘Spock is the smartest in the galaxy.’ Why not just say he did some mind meld tracking bullshit, or felt his way there, or some shit like that. You got the distance telepathy use it. He tells Worf the good news and they go into his brain and Worf tells his ghosts to fuck off and die with honour, which works and they leave him alone. they go for bajor with spoke seconding the wormhole toasting. Picard slips into Deanna’s dms to try to tell her about the whole possession by time ghosts (different ones) thing but Riker traces it and comes down and is all pissed. Picard sends the data at least and Riker sets course for Bajor.

The ds9 crew beam up thanks to Quark who smuggles them aboard (he also took their cash mid transport lmfao). Apprently he’s dating Ro Laren who is captain of the station. That feels...weird. Odo appears, apparently hes doing security again? I guess he fixed the fucking dominion already and went back to DS9 instead of Kira’s house? Ro comes down and prepares to arrest them but the wormholes all fucky so she takes all the help she can get. Nog is on his ship when Time snakes attack the outermost planet in the system and he tells the captain about whats going on so they can try killing it. It doesn’t work and only one snake is kind of annoyed while the rest age the planet to nothing. They get hit and its bad, Captains dead and Nog prepares to call evac but then the good old Aventine flies in and kills the snakes saving the day. Yay! 

Jake and wife meet Keiko and Yoshi (Molly is on earth with the grandparents) and the transports aren’t leaving and people are getting antsy, especially when they hear about the planet getting got. Jake pulls the son of the emissary card and does a dad impression which gets them to start launching people, On DS9 more snakes attack as they agree to take out the wormhole by ramming the station down it and self destructing. Sisko takes the Defiant with Worf and a few others, Picard grabs Aventine with Bowers, and Nog takes his ship to defend the refugees. Things go tits up pretty quickly when the snakes eat a moon and damage Nog’s ship, but he rams them and uses his own warp core breach to injure them enough that Aventine and the Defiant can hold em okay. RIP Nog, wish you got to stick around.

The battle goes poorly and even the help of Wesley grabbing time copies of himself out of alt history's to pilot runabouts doesn't really help much. the snakes adapt to their attacks and cripple the Aventine pretty bad. On DS9 Ro and Quark go to slow down the mini versions of the snakes currently invading and go out blowing themselves. a deck, and the snakes to space hell. Kira and Chief start the self destruct as they cross into the wormhole but the snakes break into ops. Chief sends Kira through and locks the hatch behind her, dying to buy time. Rip Chief, you were more than a hero, you were a union man. The refugees get away and Kira gets a vision where a prophet wearing her mothers face hands her something and tells her to look after it. She escapes in a ship as DS9 goes up and takes the wormhole with it. The Aventine picks up Kira who they find praying over the cool hourglass crystal part of the orb of time, now dead and black. She’s partially catatonic.

No one knows where Wes or the Defiant are and before they can start a search, old mate Riker arrives, more unhinged and demands Picard’s surrender or he starts cutting up the Aventine, christ, how is that not relieved of duty worthy? Picard beams over, but its not Picard, its Odo. Hey! He got better at faces. Good for him!. Picard is beamed over to the Defiant which has its cloak back apparently, where everyone tells him its been a few hours and they got the characters that matter over (Bowers stayed behind with the Aventines crew to buy them all some more time. Data points out they’ve bought time but now need to stop them final styles, which everyone agrees to. Needing a hiding place, Bashir suggests the mirror universe because he apparently knows someone or some shit.

Fucks sake, now I need to read up on the state of the mirrorverse in the novels.

Last thing we get is a shot of very old man Wes on the Devidians intertime planet o’ doom. He scans it with his cool time tricorder and the they send their time ghosts and time snakes after him. He realises that he’s out of fight so he jumps into the timestream and sets course for home, landing on the beach in front of Picard and Bev and Rene back in book 1. Loop complete. Well, at least the way there is locked up in his cool tricorder somewhere. Im sure making it a stupid puzzle will have a good reason why he didnt just fill it with pertinent info and like, how to build guides for his cool ultra future tech.

Enjoyed this one more than the first, despite its higher body count of beloved characters. Some choices I don't get, like why make Ro Laren part of the DS9 umbrella, she never interacted with them? Also RIP Based Chief, the most important man in starfleet history. You went out doing the good fight, but should’ve been on Earth. Like him retiring to teach was great, and after the war no way in hell he’d want to put any child on a DS9 ever again. Bashir and he dont get much time together which sucks, nor do he and Nog, or he and Kira, or he and Sisko, which is a bummer. 

Space Heaven got a couple new Angels today, and also Quark died.

What happens next? Idk, but the Defiant is our girl once more. MVP of the Fleet, she’ll take us home. Or at least let Sisko go down swinging.

[wellnesscard]

omg my teenager coworker was talking about how theyre gonna make a five night at freddys movie im like ya it already came out i saw it - with nic cage? not in my top 10 its no time bandits but whateva. guess nododis seen that one tho. also why do so many ppl with like d.i.d. Obsessed with that franchise ? or maybe thats just tumblr. even b4 tumblr tho there was this girlie at my highschool who was like mental like insane not in reality at all n it was all she fuckin talked about? what specifically is the pull like creating this demographic . but it weirds me out so i dont actually want 2 engage in real five nights at freds only thru the sweet filter of nic cage am i safe ig. cos that was a knockoff? who made that movie it was so weird and not even in an awesome way like many other b movies. idk the whole concept like. and yk fs theres towns like that in america. but theyre just racist. this post is getting away from me . idk the insaneos just dont talk abt jeff the killer anymore maybe im just old . do any pardonmyfrench normal ppl like five nitez at fred. i mean ig my coworkers pretty normal from what i know. ig im probably just in such different spheres from the enjoyers of that n the only ones being crazy abt it is the crazies so. i feel like this isnt very pc im sorry like my brain dont work good too like its no problem to be mentally ill and have interests im just . it throws me thry a loop. that n like taylor swift continuously getting bigger status thru out what feels like my lifespan. like i remember singing 'our song' in first grade w classmates n its like yeah its gud ig im 5 i dont have a critiquing of music mind yet too much. its catchy. never thought shed still be around let alone with a cult following in the year 2023. was it covid? like i havent heard about nikki minaj in ages but taylor swift is being exponential as hell in like . all this. why is she in so many commercials. ok my neighbors just got home one minute and thirty seconds ago and theyre already using power tools fuck yea girls build a house for her!! or that could be a blender tbh i thought i heard hammering though. hammering and sawing. shit did i just stereotype lesbians. i shouldnt be allowed to have tumblr app when im home alone cos then i just type type type whatever i want and we end up with this. oh sidenote too, i have a thickass nodule on my thyroid im having checked today so like ig ilyk laterz if its really fucked. like i hope i dont get all goited up thatd suck. its so funny bc in my eating disorder in highschool i was like oh what a dream itd be to have hyperthyroidism, sighs wistfully. omg what if gods punishing me and i get hypothyroidism and get f*t. but its probably just a lump and its not the consistency of cancer so we good basically. just waiting for the doc to say that too haha! and im like 3 days off all alcohol even the light beers bc i am getting sick of never having energy and like i wanna make sure my life is good and its hard to take care of everything because ngl im a heavy drinker n once i have any alcohol im just like impatiently waiting for my next drink, so. and its expensive when you drink a 12 pack a day plus other alkie snacks such as shooters pints or beers at the bar. and i need to save for a cruiseeee devon n i have been married for almost three years n still havent went on vacation yet goddamn! we deserve it , and i was the sexiest in my life when i was sober for a year too so jot that down.

[theskyexists]

they establish the male lead as brave, de-escalating explosive situations, calling out his new BOSS, and thanking the female lead for standing up to that same boss. noice

oh no this is really embarrassing i hate it lol. absolute nightmare

thank god its over. ‘you have....really good eyesight huh’ hah

oh no not the false assumption!!! AH nice. she made her decision instantly. LOL HER MUM

ok i laughed. that is so stupid hahahaaha

oh god. oh no.  he’s actually an idiot. a big himbo. man.

wow dude - just get a gf and ask her if she might do a little bdsm! lol. why what why would you start shouting about i guess...platonic bdsm ?? haahaha

OH NOOOO. SHES TALKING ABOUT THE BOSS MAN DUDE. COME ON. USE YOUR BRAIN. YOU SEEMED TO HAVE ONE AT THE START

Oh noooooooooooooooooooooo his ex-gf dumped him oh nooooo.

he’s uh....he’s certainly going for it. instead of being like: hey if you’re not put off by this - do you like me maybe also? can we go out? i guess its a fundamentally different relationship hes proposing. ah he was drunk af

WHY ARE THEY DOING THIS AT WORK WTF LOL. ok that wasnt so bad.

oh this is not my thing at all it irks me. like, i need slightly more firewall between real life and whatever stuff they’re trying to do.

this film just said that most d/s relationships are not romantic. IS THAT TRUE???????????????????????????????????? this would explain that stepjan comic....i guess.

they are doing this AT WORK. like, 24/7 play. i just. what. this seems like an extreme form of BDSM to me.ok i like that she put him to work on supporthing her power in the office.amazing

OK! that’s pretty well done!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHA THAT BARK!!!! haahahahahaa. WHY IS THE HOTEL NOT SOUNDPROOFED OH MY GOD

they made him look very handsome while eating some treats. really emphasising that jawline

tHE FUCKING BARKING !!!!   HAHAHAAHA thats amazing. what improvisation! ahahahaahahahahaa

i dont understand the japanese/korean tradition of going to a hotel. why not go HOME. is it because young professionals dont have a home of their own? (like here nowadays -_-)

a very self-interested birthday gift lol.

a lot of kinks passing  by. im mostly itnerested in how they’re gonna beat the big boss: sexist manager man

is he jealous of her bossing around the new employee? lol. they upgraded to way better and more expensive places. awww she’s so tough on the new employee, awwww i feel for him. ok he’s alright, but he definitely IS a possible threat, not an actual one, but definitely possible

HAHAHAHAHAAHAHA BRILLIANT. he wants to roleplay being the new employee. oh my gOD

ohhhh the glasses are...a safeprop. that’s clever!

AT WORK. at least she always locks the doors. if the manager tries to get them both fired for walking in on them ill be pissed

YOU NEED TO SEPERATE YOUR PRIVATE LIFE FROM WORK. proceeds to whip him at work in his work clothes

ah she’s hitting the table.

lots of crossed wires imo. AHAHAHA sorry the delivery is great! but i never understood the whole demanding/annoying sub thing - ah o h no i cannot. no. i am having to shut off the audio.

DID SHE JUST WALK OUT OF THE LOCKED ROOM. INTO THE OFFICE ANYONE CAN ENTER.ah the ultimate scene! she gets to release her frustrations with shit co-workers, and he gets to fail in the environment he works in everyday! the peppy soundtrack to this is amazing

i NEED to not think about whether anyone is gonna walk in because it makes me unable to watch any of this

I KNEW it. at least it wasnt at the climax.

Do NOT hetbait me out of this kiss. or was it purely imaginary

GREAT SOUNDTRACK

i know this is the whole emotional heart of the show, how he falls so hard for her because she treats him nicely(like, normally)) and his ex was a total utter bitch about it. but like - what she’s saying is so normal it SHOULDn’t be something special

oh so ex was ABUSIVE, or is trying to be now. trying to take advantage of him

faldfjslfjasdl the other couple hahahahaah ( ‘she’s feeding him!!!’)

holy shit how did we get here. this is a rom com so everything will be ok right

are you fucking kidding me? this isnt a confession breaking moment! this isn’t a time for fucking slapstick and people finding out they’re freaks or whatever. her friend is in serious danger!

wow she’s pretty fucking stupid for blowing her friend’s cover immediately jezus.

what even. they’re running and driving. it might be my sensitivities but why did they put in a RAPE threat into a rom com.

i guess they treat it pretty well actually. thank GOD she had a taser.

poor woman got rejected. ah a glimmer of hope? oh no that was just her calender

HES GOT A WHOLE FUCKING HOUSE AND THEY ALWAYS GO TO HOTELS WTF

OH NO, the insecurities!

really what she should do is apologise REALLY. she already KNEW it was an abuse of power. not the reason he said no ofc

he’s finally inviting her home???

its fucking hana isn’t it. jezus. wow they really made her awful. they made her AWFUL!!!!!!

PLEASE SLAP THIS GIRL SO HARD SHE NEVER RETURNS JIWOO! oh she didn’t

what is it with people talking metaphors instead of being like: sorry im afraid to date you but im deeply in love with you. OK i guess this is just a very romantic confession

WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY WOULD SHE RESPOND THAT WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY!!!!!!!!!!!! STOP THIS FUCKING NONSENSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

are you fucking kidding me. why would she do that. what a complete idiot. HOLY SHIT. she just couldnt deal with her emotions or what?? im sorry but after liking her for the whole film i find this kind of sheer stupidity absolutely UNFORGIVABLE. and now she’s going to moan about how her life is so hard. YOU made it difficult. oh now shes gonna get wise words from her mum but actually SHE’s the asshole here so i have zero sympathy.

completely ambiguous advice

hold up. did he just try to send the file to just her, but then sent it to everybody? oh my god....

this is. the worst. this is the worst that could possibly happen.worse than anyone walking in on them.

ok so - NOW hes at a real big impact on her life. but it was still her choice to run the risk. not sure how intern man had audio of them though. and why he thought it was a good idea to email her about it on the work email. what a complete incompetent.sometimes incompetence supersedes intention.

i thought they were gonna beat boss man and now this. what a fucking downer.

id just say: ok bye im outtie lol. but i guess you’ll get blacklisted. so instead you gotta sit through it, for a small chance of not getting blacklisted

Why did intern man splice the audio together and everything????????

really. they had them sit through being grilled by sexist old men just to get him to confess? he already confessed. so why was this fucking necessary. do hate the dramatisation going into two things i despise: rape and the violation of something that should be entirely private.

why couldnt this film have been about slapping the sexist old men in the face and kicking them in the balls instead of Jung heroically confessing his already confessed feelings to protect her. ok i liked that moment of catharsis. YES! screaming at the inappropriate sexist power tripping pigs!

sorry but why did he have to confess THREE TIMES for the narrative and her to accept it.

the great thing about it that he’s always using his voice amplify hers.

and now this talking after is entirely too sappy lol

jihoo got a paid suspension but jiwoo got a pay cut. what the absolute fuck. i guess it allowed her to take over the whole department

whoever played hyemi is a really good actress

WHY IS HAN REPLYING ON A BDSM FORUM AT WORK JDLFJDSFJSD he has learned NOTHING

anyway that was a cute end scene.

[elytrafemme]

tried to start working on cough syrup and my brain instantly started getting blurry thinking about how much i don’t like certain people today. uh. thanks for the symptom brain i’m kinda in the middle of something can we think about the schoolmates later and cool it

[ginnsbaker]

OH MY GODDDDDD

Ive been so sick the past few days stuck in bed and just generally dying so imagine my excitement when i saw a new chapter (in my fever ive been very delusional and remembering the date has been the least of my concerns 💀)

BUT THEN IMAGINE MY HORROR WHEN THE SUMMARY HAD THE DREADED A WORD

ANGST 😭

no but in all seriousness the chapter was perfect first thing i wanna say mama reader is awesome her advice is so good and i love her i want one but her advice is gonna bite readers ass so hard cos like she said you’ve made your choice and im getting the impression reader’s decision is give it a chance but with Danny opening his big mouth its gonna make leigh unhappy so basically roles reversed 💀(i know ive been wanting him to and i’ll come back to this)

I liked the interaction with jules and leigh they’re not always on the same side but they’re still siblings who obviously care a lot for each other so it was cute especially jules remembering leighs comfort snack - i wonder if later for whatever reason leigh is sad or something and reader brings it to her and it just gets to her a bit that reader took the timt to learn the little things about her 🤔

I thought that reader knew leigh worked at the advice column cos originally i was like how are you this mad you knew she worked there and your submissions are very specific so it was obvious and easy to figure out so why you so mad but im guessing i just misunderstood (which in my current state seems about right) i do like how reader called leigh out on her hot and cold tho and while i do understand her reasons and okay maybe it tugged on my heartstrings just a little bit she did need to hear it not to hurt or upset her but so she can grow from it

HOWEVER can the two of you just call it even you both kept something from the other so call it a tie and start fresh cos you both want each other so kiss and make up cos when danny starts running his mouth i know miss shaw is gonna be mad a small deluded part of me is like maybe she will see the fact that it wasn’t readers thing to tell cos danny should’ve come clean about it but in those moments anger comes much quicker than any rational thought and especially after reader got mad at her for her secret if i was leigh i would get mad too (slight double standards) EVEN THO I WOULD NEVER BE IN THIS SITUATION COS I WOULDVE TOLD DANNY TO FUCK HIMSELF WHEN HE ASKED READER TO KEEP QUIET and i know i said i want danny to come clean but i didn’t mean like this 😭 not when reader was about to make things better (im assuming thats the decision they came to) its literally gonna be reader being all happy and excited and leigh pissed complete role reversal of the fight they just had and im scared

Also i was so worried danny was gonna hit her i was reader to beat his ass

I love your brain for coming up with this stuff but it hurts hopefully not forever tho (i swear im gonna need to reread your other more fluffy stuff to cope)

-🧃

Hello!!!

Actually, on that bit about Leigh working at the website part-time... Reader didn't know about that, just that Leigh used to work at the Beautiful Beast and then quit recently for another job.

Yeah, at first R was upset because Leigh pretended not to know about her feelings for her, but then that fact highlighted Leigh's treatment of her looking back. So she's more pissed about that, the inconsistencies, the hot and cold treatment.. but at the same time, she also remembers now what she went through herself losing her dad and brother. So R's mom encouraged R to extend her patience and understanding.

Yeah, Danny used the secret for his own benefit--again. I mean, he needs to do a lot of growing up, I guess. Or, I don't know. People do stupid stuff when they're heartbroken.

The second season of Sorry for Your loss kinda ended their relationship when Danny punched a wall :) So I kinda borrowed that scene :)

Whew! That was long, and I'm not complaining :D I love discussing the story with you as always :P Thanks for reading my dear!

[absolutebl]

Soooo, I need some help, in the form of a reality check. Can you do a little analysis of ZeeNunew irl (if you even pay attention to that). My problem is this: I ship them! Not psychotically, but they are persistently in my brain (along with MaxNat, but I think thats just because Nat is such a physically perfect twink i just really wish he had a boyfriend. That and their upper thigh caresses during cutie pie reaction videos). The issue is that I am very...trusting?...easy to convince? So when I see videos or posts like "X and X boyfriends" or "Couple X being cute together" (which I generally don't watch, but some slip through) I'm like "oh that seems real" until someone else comes in w/the logic (ex you've mentioned Tul and Apo being confident w/a good background so they just fuck w/shippers and it made me realize i was just one of those dumb people who didn't get it at first.)

Part of the problem was I started watching BL pretty recently w/no background info on the genre,

and I'm not much of a behind-the-scenes watcher so it took a while for me to understand that the studios are promoting the ships, and the actors are ACTING, so therefore reasonable adults don't take the ship or irl flirting seriously. I had just assumed when they're not in the show they're being themselves, so, I dunno, I guess I just thought there were a lot of gay actors in Thailand or something.

I'm very embarrassed now, but I just didn't know. I don't follow celebrities but I feel like they don't do this in America so I just thought "it must be real!" Rather than "they're exploiting those poor babies"

I just get such shysweetloving vibes from them. I know Zee is great at adoring his partners, and Nunew responds so sweetly I just squee all over them, but I want to be a responsible fan and not do that. Help me out, give me external validation I'm just being stupid.

How to get over Thai BL Pair Branding 

Ah, they got ya, did they?

You shouldn't be embarrassed. They are actors, it's their job to persuade you to believe in an alt-reality, and this is some very insidious marketing tactics. Also it's pretty unique to Thailand. Also if you come from watching western cinema, we are used to Hollywood actors falling in love with each other and ending up in disastrous marriages from being on set together. It seems normal.

There are a few out gay actors in Thailand, but as yet there hasn't been any actual relationships to come from a BL. And if I were them and got into one, I would stay FIRMLY in the closet.

It's a little like buying that coffee drink because it looked good on IG and then being like, “oh, THIS is disgusting, I feel like an idiot.” Only with more emotional manipulation and not spending $8 on liquid sugar.

Not that I blame the actors! They are being told to do this, some of them are just better at it than others.

Frankly Max & Nat are better at cobranding because they have been together for so long. Sometimes you can see Zee & Nunew drop the act at the end of interviews when they are really tired.

I actually really don't like this aspect of BL, so I don't often watch things designed to encourage pair shipping (variety shows, bts, fanmeets).

I have the cure, ready?

Watch TharnType.

Then go on an internet deep dive about what happened to MewGulf.

Ta da!

You'll be cured.

I have a few things written about this as a marketing tactic here:

Co-Branded BL Couples & Thai Studios - pairs and marketing tactics (written before ZeeNunew and intentionally avoiding MewGulf, PerthSaint, ZeeSaint and all the other catastrophes).

It's like learning how to read a label on a soap bottle or an ingredients list on food packaging, your eye will eventually get trained to see what's actually happening, but it takes a while.

I talk some more about pair branding, parasocial relationships, and why I really dislike IRL shipping here. 

Here’s the bit where I got mad about skinship fantasies around misunderstandings of other cultures, especially Thailand. 

Honestly there are many reasons I prefer to talk about characters, and narrative structures, and not actors. 

(source)