#couldn't think of a back side for this

[gingeredmink]

Catarou Charm /ᐠ - ˕ -マ

DL LINK

[soosoosoup]

April boops day!!!

Boop!

[dangoulains-devotion]

to catch a falling star

[possamble]

What are your headcanons about Marcille's mom if you have any? It's interesting that what drew Donato to her was cause she lived the history he studied, or that was said somewhere at least. She must've had an interesting life.

so this was going to be just a normal answer but then I realized I have a Lot of Things To Say. so here goes, a compilation of what we know for a fact from the canon, what I've extrapolated from the visual cues and details, and my theories based on all of that.

Things we know for a fact about Marcille's mother because they were explicitly stated in the manga and supplemental materials:

She was a court mage for a Tall-man kingdom at the southern part of the Northern Continent

Donato, a court historian, fell in love with her because she had lived through the history he was studying, and he courted her for 17 years (age 15 to 32) before getting married

She was a cheerful person who rarely showed extreme emotion and took things as they came

She always cooked a huge meal for Marcille on her birthdays

She remarried a gnome after Donato's death and a short distance away from Marcille's childhood home

Pipi, Marcille's pet bird, was actually older than Marcille and originally belonged to her mother (bird died at 62)

She was extremely heartbroken when Donato died and ultimately ended up instilling a deep fear of mortality in Marcille with her words

the only time she showed extreme emotion in front of her family was when Donato could no longer eat his favourite dish near the end of his life.

She scolded Marcille for being cruel to ants (implying she can have a stern side when needed)

Things that are explicitly shown but mostly through visual cues

She has a very distinctive style of dress always involving a ribbon choker (mirroring Marcille's habit of always wearing a matching choker with any of her outfits that don't cover her neck)

She was almost stereotypically good at housekeeping and traditionally "wifely" things (very frequently depicted wearing an apron or doing some domestic chore when not at work, seems to have been an avid cook).

She knits? (also, note the affectionate smile as she's looking at Donato and Marcille reading a book together in the full panel)

She was as excited for Marcille's milestones as Donato was.

She didn't tell Marcille much about elven food

(there are a couple things that this panel in particular implies:

She lived a good deal of her life (if not being born and raised) in a mainly elven country in the West, implied by her knowing enough of an elven region's cuisine to prefer Tall-man food over it

seems to have a pretty carefree and casual demeanour overall, if this is how she replied to Marcille asking her about it (sounds like she never gave her culinary preferences that much thought to begin with)

slightly related to number 2, it seems like she and Marcille had a fairly casual parent-child dynamic (especially in comparison to the Toudens' memory of their father)

(local elf tastes Italian food once and never goes back))

However, she seems a lot more... serious in most of the other times we see her? Almost like the very stereotypical archetype of a graceful elf.

Subsequent conclusions about her personality:

Usually pretty carefree and cheerful at home, has been a loving and attentive parent throughout Marcille's childhood (while not being so doting that she didn't discipline Marcille).

Slightly more conjectural theories on her personality:

Had a much more graceful and professional personality at work, which would explain the more serious portraits we see of her.

Given that both she and Donato had positions at the royal court, it seems a little odd that she'd go out of her way to do all the housework herself, so maybe she just enjoyed doing it?

Now taping all the evidence together and toeing the line between analysis and fanfiction:

It's clear that she loved Donato very much and was utterly devastated by losing him. But there's one thing that really stuck out to me in what little we see of her:

Doesn't she seem... angry? The way she's gritting her teeth, clutching the tablecloth, and how this is the first and only time we see her eyes opened that wide. In the following panel, you see her being quiet and dejected after her initial outburst. She's still crying very intensely, but her brows are furrowed, and she's not really responding to Donato's affection in her body language.

We're not told the details of how she felt about losing Donato other than that it upset her. But this, to me, implies that she was angry and resented that he was aging, that the end of his life was approaching. An "it's not fair" type of preemptive grief. And if this was the first and last time she cried like this in front of her family, she was either very good at coping in private... or very bad at letting herself feel unpleasant emotions until they become unavoidable and end up overwhelming her.

It's not too remarkable a detail on the surface. It's even reminiscent of what the audience has seen of Marcille. But... when it comes to the big picture, you'd think an elf who voluntarily chose to marry a tall-man and have a half-elf child would have been better prepared for this.

It kind of recontextualizes her cheerfulness to me.

"I'm sure everything's gonna be okay!" (or some variation thereof, depending on what translation you have).

And this is stated to contrast her extreme grief when finally confronting Donato's failing body and eventual death. But I'm wondering if... maybe this optimism was why she was so upset. What if she went into all of it thinking "everything's gonna be okay"? What if she was a little young by elven standards, and just followed her heart thinking that her own resilience would get her through anything?

Of course, only to get completely overwhelmed when she actually loses Donato. She turns into a completely different person. And that's heartbreaking on its own-- but what the audience sees is the effect it had on Marcille. Can you imagine being her, watching your invincible and upbeat mother suddenly lose all the light in her eyes in one go?

I've already made a huge post about how I think Marcille models her "work persona" off her mother, but another thing that stuck with me as I was looking for more details in the manga was this:

copy pasting from the other post i made about it lmao it's like... the second she resigns herself to lifelong pain and terror, there's another portrait of her mother facing her like this. with their heads bowed, in mirrored body language of resignation and despair and sorrow. Except it's posed like Marcille is still looking at her mother but her mother is looking away.

It took me a second to realize, but I think that it's a visual metaphor for the fact that Marcille's mother was the only long-lived role model she had-- and she failed to model healthy grief for her daughter. I don't say this as an accusation or to disparage her as a character, but just as a matter of fact. In her, Marcille was seeing herself older and losing a short-lived spouse or loved one of her own, and all she saw was hopelessness.

But her mother didn't mean to instill hopelessness and terror in her. She wasn't really thinking of how it would truly affect Marcille at all (at least, that's how I'm interpreting her looking down and away from Marcille in the metaphor), she was just sad. And she, in her own way, was trying to protect her daughter and help her prepare for future losses.

What she meant was "loss is inevitable, and you have to learn how to be in pain but live on anyway." What Marcille heard was "loss is inevitable, and you will be scared and hurt for the rest of your life."

Again. Marcille's mother doesn't feature explicitly in the story the way her father does -- but in so many ways, her shadow, her silhouette, her reflection is always hanging over Marcille.

All that to say... headcanon-wise (everything from here on is 100% without evidence lmao), I'd like to think that she matured and realized that she failed Marcille. I imagine her being regretful about it, wanting a chance to fix it but never finding a way to insert herself back into Marcille's life when Marcille is so so so busy becoming the most accomplished mage possible. I imagine her being herself again, now, so many years after her loss and after remarrying -- but with her cheerfulness tempered with a lot more wisdom and the pain of having gone through loss like that. I think the second Marcille actually tells her what happened in the dungeon, she'd want to go running to her daughter again -- if Marcille tells her the full truth instead of just being embarrassed she let things get that far. (oh, the tragedy of her wanting to be more like her mother and an accomplished adult who doesn't need to be babied... being embarrassed to actually tell her mother how much she fucked up...)

There's also the tension of her having remarried -- I know that there's at least a little bit of resentment that Marcille harbours about that, because she's childish like that at heart even if she makes an effort not to externalize it. I think that her mother would be aware of that, potentially adding to her sense of guilt and apprehension at trying to reappear/intrude on Marcille's life. I honestly don't think Marcille has met her stepfather -- or even considers him a stepfather rather than "mama's new husband" and kind of a total stranger. I think she and her mother actively don't talk about it in their correspondence, like an elephant in the room.

but, ultimately, I think her mother is on her side no matter what. Ancient magic? Dark necromancy? Sure, she'll feel guilty and like she was partially responsible for setting Marcille down such a painful path, but she wouldn't care. that's her daughter!! she would've moved back west and been petitioning for her at the court, buying a house right next to the Canaries barracks and visiting her every day that she wasn't on a mission. And if her husband had opinions on Marcille becoming a "dark arts user," he either gets over it or it's divorce with him. Yes, she might have had her optimism completely humbled by losing Donato like that -- but she's still headstrong and self-assured and she doesn't care what people think of her. It's her way or the highway and she's always going to be in Marcille's corner.

(She also needs a name lol. I went with Juno, just to be cute about "Marcille"s closest real life equivalent being Marcella, which is the female version of Marcellus, which in turn is a diminutive of Marcus, which was derived from Mars. Absolutely in love with Marcille potentially being named after Ares/Mars the fucking god of war btw)

[alaynestone]

3.15 TIME IS ON MY SIDE 5.01 SYMPATHY FOR THE DEVIL

[sysig]

Wuh oh (Patreon)

Bonus:

The novel experience of being crushed by a giant rock, a visual metaphor

[byfulcrums]

I know everyone likes to make fun of Ezra for believing Maul, but I honestly really liked that, because. Like. He's been working so hard to learn to trust people again. His new-found family is teaching him how to open up and how to let himself love others without being too afraid of losing them to connect

And he doesn't immediatly trust Maul, which shows that even if his trust issues are much better now, he's still not stupid and knows to be careful around strangers, especially if you found them inside a Sith Temple

But. Maul shows and tells him what he wants to see; he acts kind with him, reassures him when he's in doubt, and manipulates Ezra (who is a CHILD) into beliving in him so he could get what he wanted

Then he betrays him, and by blinding Kanan, he proves Ezra's 'little me' right

[welcometogrouchland]

I just think Hunter was obsessed with Willow and didn't even know it during the period from any sport in a storm to labyrinth runners. They maybe don't talk as often as they could, they're both busy and have conflicting schedules, so when they do talk, Hunter absorbs everything she says.

After roughly 3 weeks of texting (hexting? I feel like the kids would call it hexting), He knows that her favorite colour is orange, she likes her tea with extra milk and a bit of honey during winter, she likes working out to the noisiest angriest music in her playlist, her dad Gilbert is a construction witch who specialises in pottery, she used to listen to breakup songs and think about her childhood best friend (Hunter doesn't know it's Amity) and she actually has a mild pollen allergy despite being a plant witch and has to take potions for it.

He casually drops all this info piece by piece during their stay in the human realm and willows like. Well I can't not marry him. It'll have to be a winter or fall wedding to account for her allergies </3

[causenessus]

feeling like tumblr is a job BUT IN A GOOD WAY like i sign on after my actual job onto my work (tumblr haikyuu smau writer hobby) computer (my home computer on it's last dying breath) to answer emails (reblog all of my moot's wonderful works) and write up reports (my own chapters LMAO)

[waitineedaname]

i love the bingge extra because it's like

the horror of realizing you're the dark universe version of yourself. the injustice of seeing this other version of yourself be happy and loved, seeing him be treated with such gentle tenderness from a person who only ever treated you with cruelty

bad sex.

[transmascutena]

thinking about how akio sees his younger self in utena and wondering if there's any fondness there. doesn't change the horror of what he does to her obviously but i do wonder

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s3 episode 5 thoughts

woohoo! here we are again. it's gonna be hard to follow last night’s episode, because it was frankly a banger. but i am eager to spend any time with my good friends mulder and scully.

(especially because my brain is currently a vague slushie substance being shaken about due to us politics. so i need this healing experience. of time with them)

we begin with a hitchhiker on the road. it always gags me that people used to do that and not be terrified of getting axe murdered. he’s sharply dressed though, i’d wear that sweater. drop the link, random fellow. 

oh- it isn’t a hitchhiking? well, potential crisis averted, i suppose. the guy who picks him up knows him. they’re going to prison. is this the same prison as before? the please please please prison? it looks a little different. but maybe that's just the angle.

the folks at the prison are talking about some guy named neech, who is allegedly being difficult. it seems they are going to put him to death, which is a most unfortunate thing. his wife is saying goodbye, and that she won’t betray their love. she believes that the governor will pull through and save him. and wait no, i’m sad now :(((( what if he is innocent…

they’re walking him into the electric chair, and ominous music is playing. i do not wish to watch this moment. they offer him a hood? and he denies it, but i didn't know that was a thing that happened at this sort of event. not-a-hitchhiker man has a hood when he pulls down the handle. 

this man- neech- says he will be reincarnated and that five men will die. and then they pull the handle and a bunch of people are watching?? do people really watch when such an awful thing happens? i guess maybe reporters but like damn, that is supremely messed up.

well, a sad and scary beginning. off to D.C.! mulder explains that neech had been granted last-minute stays two times before. i am learning i do not know much about the subject of how death row works.

scully looks beautiful. really beautiful. 

mulder says this man was very smart and charismatic. and that he was a getaway driver, which does not seem like something you should die for...

and now those five people who mistreated him are starting to drop! is it ghost time? or a plot for posthumous judgement afoot...?

prison time. no scene showing the flight and or car ride to florida. sad!

scully strides into examine the body of the guy who has been killed. it was very powerful, that stride. she then lifts the sheet up and noticed that it is covered in maggots, but she doesn’t seem phased, and says to put it into refrigeration. seems early for maggots, no? just being quite recently murdered? mulder is making a disgusted face LMAO 

so now they’re talking to another prisoner who thinks neech is back. scully's side profile is serving. 

but these men are catcalling her so that is not pleasant.

this guard who is watching her seems to really have hated neech so i’m beginning to suspect that he’s next to fall. he has a very prominent mustache.

mustache guard leaves scully alone in death row??? rude as hell. but she sneaks off. i love a woman who sneaks off. who slinks around, even. 

SOMEONE GRABS HER???? this man (who we later learn is a guard named parmelly) says he knows who is going to die next because there is a list, and a prisoner named roque has it. and that he wants to help her. well i don’t know if you had to go about it in such a terrifying manner!!! does help have to be done with snatching?? usually not.

the mustache guard says “it’s not a place for a woman to be doing that (looking around) alone"... okay so maybe if you hadn’t ditched her she wouldn’t have to do that… hope this tip helps <3

she looks really scared though, and she wants to get the hell out of here. knocking on the door to be let out. i do not blame her. she doesn’t seem to mention the creepy encounter to mulder.

next morning, the other prisoners are painting. and they find the mustache guard- well, they find his head in a bucket full of paint and maggots!! shoutout to the props department. because this head, it’s gnarly, but also almost endearing in its faux gore. i love you props teammmm <3

some guy is giving scully the head. she points out that the maggots are a bit early. but he’s saying no no no we have special bugs here in florida. which i certainly don't know enough about florida to dispute.

mulder is visiting the prisoner who claims to have the list… named roque. so she did tell him about the whole list allegation… hmm.

pause. why is mulder sitting on the table while he talks to roque. i’m howlinggggg we truly cannot take his ass anywhere. what a whimsical fellow.

roque says he wants to be transferred out of the block in exchange for the other three on the list. seems a bit outlandish. because if there IS a supernatural force going about killing people, all that information would do is just give the murder victims a head's up to get their affairs in order. but i wish him luck on his bargaining mission.

mulder is doing that thing now where he carries his jacket over his shoulder, and i gave that a go the other day and it felt amazing. but the warden says he can’t make a deal. because then everyone will make deals. scully says it could save three lives!! but then more people will just want to kill guards, the warden replies. heartbreakingly, i do see his point.

opens the door to find a decapitated body. warden sighs deeply. average day on the job.

back in neech’s cell, our duo is looking through his stuff. and they’re talking about reincarnation, which he claims is in all the world religions. “i’m sorry mulder, that’s not what i learned in catechism” LMAOOOO do not try to out catholic her. he tries, though, bringing up the resurrection. which is DIFFERENT. obviously. smh his protestant ass...

(wait he's from massachusetts... maybe he was raised catholic, too. i need to be looking out for clues. because we saw him in a church in like the fourth episode of the show. mulder i'll figure our your lore if it's the last thing i do)

anyway. they’re so close discussing reincarnation and world religions in this dead prisoner’s cell it almost feels dirty.

“imagine if it were true, scully. imagine if you could come back and take out five people who had caused you to suffer. who would they be?” “i only get five?” <- LMAOOOO i love her soooo much

“i remembered your birthday this year, didn’t i?”, he asks, and they smile at each other. UGH THESE TWO. i want more of this banter even if it takes place at the scene of a murder <3

they decide to go to neech’s wife, who they realize might have some clues. and she’s pretty. she speaks about how she has been dreaming about neech being put in the chair but not dying. so what does that mean.... and her hands are really shaking even though she’s smoking. so she seems really scared. as if he is going to come and get her.

roque is gonna talk with the warden. a deal? hmm, i’m not buying it. this warden seems evil. why is he taking him the other way? but he does bring him to the warden. WHO PUNCHES HIM???? and asks who is on the list. he tells him the warden is on the list. and that he is number 5. we brushed past the punching quickly as a plot point but it was pretty awful.

the warden says they “found” roque beaten to death …. wow. who could have possibly been responsible for this? /s

back at neech's wife’s house…. AND THERE IS ANOTHER MAN HERE. THE GUARD THAT GRABBED SCULLY!!! PARMELLY. OH, THIS IS TEA. parmelly promises that neech won’t come back. what happened to the promise of being true?! you'd think promises made before executions would be a top priority to keep.

but, at the site of the dead roque at work the next day, he DOES tower over scully and say “i warned you” ummm hello?? it is making him look suspicious.

mulder side profile is also serving. 

despite being busy being the second baddest girl in this prison, mulder realizes that all the people who died had caused neech physical pain. so that maybe the executioner is next…. and maybe roque WASN’T man number three…. oh he's picking up on things.

now, let us come with the agents as they walk into a creepy house. mulder picks up the mail. then lets himself in. and yes, it will continue to make me laugh every single time these two barge into a place

whoever lives here, he has a tasteful fish print on the wall. scully examines his fish photos. OH! it’s the “hitchhiker” from before. and the ground… it is covered in maggots… she looks up to see… maggots falling from the roof… he catches one. like a fallen snowflake. WHY WOULD HE DO THAT. we seriously need to take action against this man.

and bam. in the attic. dead man. very decomposed. again mulder seems to gag. well he wasn't gagging when he was catching the MAGGOTS falling from the dude's BODY, so where does he draw the line?

this other man they're interrogating says he saw neech. and that roque was NOT on the list. so it's getting complicated. not looking great for the warden, who seems he shall be caught shortly. or not, who knows.

BUT, we learn neech had made a bunch of phone calls to an outside number before he died… to an attorney who represented neech way back in the day. so they're off to visit him.

OH attorney spills the tea: that the wife has a boyfriend and he was waving a gun in his face!!!! parmelly, things are not looking great for you either...

the attorney is sipping something and taking his shirt off and probs gonna die shortly. and oh… we hear a buzzing. before someone strangles him!!! it was a very quick and vague shot, i can’t tell who it was that did the crime. but i’m guessing it’s parmelly, because we see him next driving home. interesting... mulder's earlier theory was that those who died had inflicted physical pain on neech, but this guy just failed to prevent him from being put in prison.

danielle the girlfriend slash neech's wife is like WHERE WERE YOU. THE FBI IS HERE. 

“woman gets lonely. sometimes she can’t wait around for a man to get reincarnated” <- wise words from scully, watching from outside. it is hard to wait for such things.

so they tell the warden about parmelly and danielle. and from him, they learn that the attorney they had just spoken to was SUFFOCATED TO DEATH THAT NIGHT. word sure does spread fast in this town.

mulder looks like he’s calculating some stuff as the warden says to go arrest parmelly. he's doing mental chess.

danielle sees neech in her room???? he disappears. okay so is this real or is she hallucinating...? it’s way too quiet as she goes into the kitchen and tells parmelly that neech is here. 

danielle has a GUN. she says to parmelly “you’re him” and she SHOOTS him. and cries. saying it was him, that he came back. HUH? things sure did escalate.

back at the prison, the warden wants to talk to speranza. and starts BEATING him. he says "all i know is one more man is supposed to die" and the prisoners yell for the warden to leave speranza alone. what happens to speranza is unclear.

agents driving home after another hard day at work, but mulder is pulling aside, stopping the car in the middle of nowhere. “why are we stopping?”, she asks “you know it just doesn’t make sense”, is what he says. you ever get a hunch so bad you pull over on the side of the road and start wandering about? yeah. just one of those days for him.

he says it doesn’t make sense to lay it all on parmelly. they’re on the side of the road debating this. he does not want to leave the matter unsolved, it seems, while she says it's over, let's go home. ominous music is playing whilst this occurs.

the warden drives by and we hear a fly buzzing. and then neech is behind him STRANGLING HIM. fade down to neech no longer being in the car, after the warden has been killed. and an end shot on the warden’s bloody face.

HUH???

this episode had me SPOOKED. it was suspenseful in a really good way. i like when this show has me on the edge of my seat and it feels like there is a ticking time bomb going off. and then when it DOES blow up, all the pieces land in place.

this episode was really good! it wasn’t one of my absolute favorites- hard to beat the mid s2 arc and the start of s3- but it was definitely good in terms of an episode that doesn’t advance the overarching alien plot. it was dark, but it also had some light moments, like scully one liners, which are always appreciated. and like i said last time, after a comedic episode, you need to be careful where you go next in terms of tone. but this time the difference didn’t feel as jarring. sure, it was spooky, and murder and prisoners and executions were going on, but it didn’t feel as unpleasant to watch as the calusari episode that came after humbug, which just left me sad and feeling weird. perhaps we can attribute this to the warden, who we saw inflicting so much pain onto others, having justice meted upon him in the end. that always makes an episode feel more palatable, i think. less like we just watched suffering for suffering’s sake.

please let me know what you thought; i’m curious. i really liked the pacing again, and the element of things almost adding up but just not quite. i love a twist and a turn. it was a solid episode! i prefer episodes where we learn more about mulder and scully, but we did have some good moments here, especially crime scene reincarnation talk. i also think he put his hand on her back before she walked into a room again. and i feel the need to once again make the disclaimer that this is a thing that is only endearing when fox mulder does it to scully, or when such a thing has been discussed between mutually consenting partners in the real world. put ur hand on the small of my back before we've discussed it and what a rabid raccoon can do to the human body will look like a round of warm up sparring when i get through with you.

but i digress. tell me what you thought of the episode! i thought neech was compelling.

(i know there is a wikipedia page for each episode, and therefore i could consult that to see how the episode was received, but it’s much more fun to ask real human people their thoughts!!)

[acgames]

I realise I am crappy Assassin's Creed fan because if someone asked me to name my favorite characters from the franchise, it would be two guys who are supposed to be antagonists of the series:

But listen, if I am supposed to have feelings against them, why these two are one of the deepest and most complex, but also most relatable characters in the series for me?

If an antagonist, why so friend shaped? Why Ubisoft?

[twpsyn-who]

Soulmates AU in which your soul is bounded to your soulmate's soul.

What does that mean exactly? That when you die, if your soulmate is still alive you can't move on. Instead your soul is stuck by your soulmate's side until they die too, so the two souls can become one in death. Depending on how strong the bond between the two is, one could see (and even interact!) with their deceased soulmate.

Now this but, you know by now, JeanMarco. With Marco waking up and the first thing he saw was Jean's terrified face while looking at the dead body- Marco's half eaten dead body. He learns it pretty quickly that he can't leave Jean's side, bound to follow his best friend around. He also learns that is possible for Jean to see and hear him during the ceremony of burning the fallen soldiers during Trost ; it lasted so little, too little for all the things Marco wanted to say. If he knew Jean was listening from the beginning, he would've started with exposing Reiner and Berthold right away. By the time he took notice that not only Jean was looking at him, but listening too, it was too late. Every other word from him was meet with silence, unheard by the living.

Isn't until the 57th expedition outside the walls that Marco learns that he can interact with Jean too, touch him. In his panic after Jean's failed attack on the Female Titan Marco didn't think and went straight to his best friend's side, touching his shoulder while looking for any injuries. Jean's eyes went straight to the place Marco's was touching, looking confused- until he followed the arm and saw Marco in front of his very own eyes. And just like everything, it lasted too little for Marco's liking. The Female Titan took hold of Reiner, crushing him in her hand, and Jean could no longer see him.

It was later, much much later than either of them would've liked, for Marco to understand how everything works. To know that he could only interact with Jean when his mind was filled with thoughts of Marco. By then Jean already began to move on, the secret of Reiner and Berthold's true selves already out. So Marco could only watch, unable to be there for his other half- for Jean.

And it was when they saw the ocean for the first time that Marco understood why he was truly stuck by Jean's side. When he saw his best friend having fun with the others and realized just how much he loves him. When he realizes that all he truly wants is to be by Jean's side, the way they promised each other to do during their training days.

Edit : Think of Ben and Klaus Hargreeves for easier visual.

[megumi-fm]

.

[brittlebutch]

it does feel a little bit like. those posts that go 'the only way to get through life is to go out and meet people and make friends and be in a community etc etc etc',,, i'm not saying they're fundamentally Wrong but also it does kind of feel like those people have never endured the horror of going to community after community after community and being quietly excluded from all of them for the crime of being Too Weird, sorry to say it. sometimes when people reply 'it isn't that easy' they're not just being tar pits, sometimes it really Isn't that easy