#cruel is being fired over your social anxiety. (she wanted me gone so she used my personality against me)

[sassyandclassy94]

Funny how a bad day makes you a whole lot less excited and more hesitant to return to work the next day…

[gladerwolfstarkimagines]

Imagine being the reserved quiet niece of Ursa and cousin of Zuko and Azula, a powerful fire bender who catches Ty lee’s attention. You struggle to find a way to show her you return her affection until Azula threatens her....

(Note: this is loosely based on the comic the search which takes place after the tv show ended and follows Zuko finding his mother)

You’d grown up in a village terrified of the fire nation. Your family used to be the proud respected descendants of Avatar Roku....and then Fire lord Azulon showed up and demanded one of the line marry his son Ozai. Your aunt was stolen away just for being linked to a fire bender and so when you developed fire bending your family were horrified. They forbade you from ever using your bending but refused to explain why. So of course you ignored them and carried on working to be the best fire bender ever. You absorbed every technique you could read about and were advancing quickly....until your family caught you. They were furious but you were determined never to stop and so they saw there was nothing else to do but tell you the truth. They finally told you what fire bending had done to their family and urged you never to show your power. Who knew what the royal family would do if they knew you existed, if they’d take you too...and so you stopped. You stopped fire bending but you were restless, so much energy bottled up inside you, and so trained in other physical disciplines. Your family disapproved of your boisterous activities but they were better than fire bending so they allowed it. Even when your aunt returned from the fire nation they didn’t lessen their rules on you an inch. You listened to them dutifully but continuously felt the itch your fire in your palms. You vowed you would get to use your fire bending some day...some how.  

8 years later

Your family had socially and physically isolated themselves so much you were unaware the war had ended even months after Zuko had been crowned. It wasn’t until said new fire lord appeared on your doorstep that you realised everything had changed.

You were outside with your little cousin Kiyi when a well dressed man appeared. You immediately identified him as some noble man from the fire nation or maybe even a royal and tensed. The fear instilled in you was strong and you swept your cousin behind you before getting in a defensive stance. "Who are you and what do you want?" you called adrenaline pulsing through you. The man started towards you and you drew the knife you always kept on you "don’t come any closer". The man raised his hands and you realised he wasn’t quiet a man yet, he was about your age and had an odd burn across his eye. "What do you want" you said louder and Kiyi clutched your legs. "I’m looking for a woman, Ursa...does she live here?". "No" you said "go away". "Are you sure?' he asked "please it’s important i find her, here’s a photo of her". He went to step forwards and you raised your hand. "Okay here" he said and put it down before walking away. You picked the photo up and before you could do anything Kiyi frowned "mommy!". "Mommy?" the boy asked confused "so you do know her? She’s here? I have to see her!". He started walking closer and wasn’t slowing down. You didn’t want him to get near you and so used your best attack. Your fire practically leapt from you after being supressed for so many years and hit him square in the chest sending him flying backwards. "Go away" you yelled loudly "now or i will hurt you". "Zuko!" someone yelled and you saw a group come running around the corner. "Kiyi run! Tell Ursa to run!" you yelled and turned to face them. You shot some warning jets of flame “leave now” you yelled trying to feign confidence. A girl dressed in blue threw up protection while a girl in pink worked her way towards you with super human agility. You fired at her but she dodged your flames as easily as if you were a beginner bender. The girl reached you and you switched to close range attacks and the two of you became locked in a close combat. “No stop!” the boy yelled but neither you or the girl stopped. The girl was dodging ever single attack you threw her but you were getting closer. You singed her t-shirt when the girl landed some punches along your muscles. Your body cramped in pain and you flinched clutching your arm. You raised your other arm but nothing happened. You raised both hands but again no flame. Your fire was gone. “My bending....” you gasped and the girl knocked the knife from your hand. “Ty lee stop it!” the boy yelled and the girl in pink simply backflipped back to the group. “I don’t know what you did to me but I still won’t let you take her” you growled. The others matched your defensive stance but the boy pushed past them “no leave her I think she’s my...” when a voice cut him off.  "Zuko?". You turned to see your aunt running forwards her eyes fixed on the man. "Zuko!" she cried and rushed past you to throw her arms around him. They were both sobbing by the time the rest of your family arrived and you were utterly confused. "What’s going on?" you asked loudly and Ursa smiled "y/n dear it’s okay, this is my son Zuko, he’s your cousin, it’s okay!".

You family flocked around Zuko and all had similar reactions to Ursa. You watched still clutching your arm as they all headed to the house. The group with Zuko went to follow and you zoned in on the girl who had done this to you. “Hey you” you called at the pink girl. She glanced at you before bounding over “i’m Ty lee, it’s lovely to meet you, your fire bending is really pretty!”. “What did you do to me?” you cried in reply and the girls smile wavered. “Sorry about that, I’m sort of swore to protect your cousin so I had to attack you, i used Chi blocking on you don’t worry it’s not permanent”. “Chi what? That’s not important...what do I do to reverse it? Undo what you did!”. “ I can’t make it come back instantly” Ty lee frowned “it takes a while for your body to repair but it’ll come back soon I promise”. You stared at your hands “you swear it’ll come back”. “Totally” she smiled crossing her heart and you stared confused why she was so happy. Was she mocking you or something? You were about to ask her when your aunt called “Y/n come meet your cousins Zuko and Azula” and with a glance to Ty lee (who was still smiling) you made your way inside.  

Ursa introduced you but that was all the encouragement Zuko needed, he seemed thrilled to have a cousin his age and launched into a thorough interogation to work out everything about you while his sister just glared. It was hard not to be caught up in his infectious happiness. He called over his friends to meet you and you noticed how proudly he called you his cousin, a large grin on his face.  When the group reached you Zuko smiled “guys this is my cousin y/n! Y/n this is Sokka, Katara, Ty lee, Mai and Aang”. They all shot greetings at you and you blinked in reply. “Aang as in avatar aang....”. “Yeah” the boy smiled awkwardly and you stared “my cousin the firelord is friends with the avatar...the avatar and fire lord are in my house right now...”. “It gets old soon I promise” Zuko’s girlfriend Mai told you and everyone laughed. Zuko was called away by your adoring family but his friends stayed around you. They all began asking you questions excited to get to know you and arrived at your bending pretty soon. "You took Zuko out surprisingly easy" Mai smirked "you must be a skilled fire bender". You glanced at your elders worried but none of them were even listening, they were all staring at Zuko amazed. You’d never seen them look so relaxed before and it dawned on you that Zuko being fire lord would change everything. It would free your family from their fear and you smiled emotional at the thought. “Y/n?” the avatar asked bringing you back and you nodded "sorry yeah i’m a good fire bender" you admitted "well i guess...i’ve never had any training or actually met another fire bender". "Really?" Katara asked and when you nodded she smiled "so you’re a prodigy!" she cried and you blushed when someone started to laugh. You followed the laugh to it’s owner, your cousin Azula who was watching you with a cruel sneer. "A prodigy? How can she be growing up here?". You narrowed your eyes but another girl scolded her "you don’t need resources to be a prodigy that’s the whole point Azula"  Ty lee snapped before turning back to you "I bet you’re awesome!" she smiled winking and you blushed.

Your family celebrated well into the night and you wanted to join them but something was worrying you...your bending still hadn’t returned yet despite what Ty lee had told you. You walked away from the house and practiced the basic moves you’d known since you were 5 but could conjure a single flame. “Maybe wait a bit longer?” a voice called and you saw the said cause of your predicament. “Sorry I don’t know exactly how long but they will come back I swear” Ty lee frowned. You frowned staring down at your hands “I’ve spent so long having to hide my bending and now I can show it, they’re gone”. “Only temporarily!” Ty lee assured you “but I get it and i’m sorry....it must’ve been hard hiding who you were all this time?" she asked and you nodded "i guess". Silence settled and Ty lee stared at you. "You don’t talk much" she observed and you blushed. “I noticed in the party you’re rather quiet, that does not run in common with your family” she smirked as your family could be heard from your position outside. "Sorry i was always told to never speak about what i can do and so to have an audience just waiting to listen....it’s pretty anxiety provoking". The girl frowned and laid a hand on your hand "i’m sorry i didn’t realise, we don’t have to talk about that, we can talk about something else". You didn’t get why the pretty girl was with you at all but suspected she felt bad for disabling your bending. "Thank you" you said politely and a silence settled again. You winced, fearing this would get awkward but Ty lee seemed to be a cunning socialite. "So what’s your favourite colour?". "My favourite colour?" you asked amused. Ty lee nodded "your aura is hard to read....you’re quiet hard to read actually and that intrigues me so humour me". You blushed as the beautiful chi blocker stared at you intensely and answered her questions.

A lot of time had passed and still the two of you were outside and Ty lee’s constant chattering broke past your nervous nature. "So what’s your life like?" you asked now more comfortable "growing up so high born must’ve been cool, so much power and freedom..." you said wistfully. Ty lee frowned and you were immediately worried you’d upset her. "I’m sorry have i...". "No" she smiled at you "you didn’t say anything wrong, you’re right, i had many opportunities women don’t get but they came with expectations and set backs" she said glancing back at the house "i did things i wasn’t proud of just to be different...you see i have 6 sister who look exactly like me and so i struggled to stand out and be different. I tried desperately to not fade into the background and guess i fell to extreme measures in the process". You frowned and Ty Lee sighed before smiling "but that was in the past! Now i’m a kyoshi warrior hired with the protection of the fire lord!” she cried “my life’s pretty good now”. “I’m pleased for you” you smiled and Ty lee smiled back at you. You noticed she had a habit of staring really intensely and with how beautiful and nice she was it was a bit too much for your tired state “we should go back to the party” you blushed looking down and Ty lee nodded “sure!” not seeming to notice the effect she had on you.

2 days later

Your cousins arrival had certainly shaken things up but things were slowly getting back to normal and your chores were still expected of you and so you took your cart into town to get the shopping like every week. You were almost back to the secluded area of you home when you noticed a group of green women on the path ahead. They all had their faces painted white and had fans.  You frowned confused at the entourage your cousin travelled with when one of them popped out infront of you. "Y/n!" Ty lee cried "these are the women i work with the Kyoshi warriors, everyone this is y/n Zuko’s cousin" she said exposing you to the large group of women. "Hi" you smiled awkwardly and they all nodded to you “is Zuko okay?” you asked her. “Ow yeah Suki and the girls are just here to make sure it stays that way...that is a lot of shopping, do you need some help?" Ty lee asked looking at your full cart and you shook your head "i’m fine thanks". "Are you sure? It’s no trouble” she smiled and before you could protest she spun around to her friends. “Suki i’ll be back in a bit" Ty lee called and twirled back around to you. She hopped up beside you on the cart and you blushed as she perched on the armrest of your seat. “Lets go” she smiled.

Ty lee had a habit of finding you and joining you in whatever you were doing. You didn’t mind, she was nice company but that was also the problem. Any time she was around you became a soft slow thinking mess, made worse by Ty lee’s lack of boundaries and intense kindness.

Case in point, Ty lee was quiet for 3 seconds before she began complimenting you. "It’s so cool you can drive one of these things" she smiled and you blushed "it’s not hard really i snap it when i want the horse to go and pull it to stop...". "Well i still think that’s cool" Ty lee cried and you looked away so she wouldn’t see your blush. You’d have to learn to stop blushing around her or she’d realise you liked her. You reached your home and climbed down as Ty lee somersaulted off. You watched impressed before turning to the cart "if we unload it here that’ll be best". Ty lee nodded and watched you pick up three boxes. Ty lee stepped forwards and heaved two but they didn’t lift up. Ty lee frowned and tried again but they wouldn’t budge. "Those are probably a bit heavy" you frowned "try a bag". Ty lee lifted a bag of vegetables and then saw you discreetly lift the two boxes she’d been struggling with. "Wow you're so strong" she cried and you blushed "i’m not...” you stammered but Ty Lee wouldn’t drop it. "No you are i couldn’t move them and you just picked them up like that...i bet your arms are huge". Your blush was painfully obvious and there was no hiding it which made you angry, was she doing this on purpose? Why was she showering you in compliments if not to try embarrassing you? "I...i’m not...you're one to talk" you replied glancing at her toned physique before becoming horrified at what you’d just said and done. Ty lee didn’t seem to mind though she just blushed and carried on helping to unload the cart.

When you’d unloaded the cart Ty lee lingered as you sorted the supplies away and when you’d finished she still hadn’t made a move to leave. You liked being around her but knew you were so obvious with your crush she had to leave or she’d easily work it out. “So that’s all the shopping sorted, thanks for helping” you said and Ty lee smiled “no problem”. You nodded staring at her waiting for her to leave but Ty lee just smiled at you. “So i guess i’ll see you around?” you asked and Ty lee took the hint “ow i’m so sorry I bet you’ve got so much work...i’ll get out of your hair”. Ty lee smiled but you noticed she seemed a bit embarrassed and it killed you that you’d hurt her. So against the sensible part of your mind telling you to avoid the girl if you didn’t want to make a fool of yourself, you called after her. “Ty lee” you called “would you...do you want to stay for dinner?” you asked. “Really?” she asked smiling again and you nodded “we always cook too much so you’d be helping but of course you don’t have to...” you started when Ty lee cut you off.  “I’d love to!” she cried and you nodded cheeks pink as you led her into the house. Zuko and Mai were inside already with your family and everyone looked up when you walked in together. “Y/n’s here great we can start” your grandmother smiled “and she brought a guest”. “You all know Ty lee” you said awkwardly as Ty lee beamed beside you “y/n invited me! I hope you don’t mind”. You blushed as your family all told Ty lee she was welcome and made room for her beside you. “Your family’s so nice” she grinned at you and you blushed very aware of said family watching you and Ty lee very smugly...they knew you had a weakness for nice girls.

Mai was also watching and she smiled to see you blush any time Ty lee grabbed you or came close to you, two thing with Ty lee seemed to do to you a lot. Her friend has definitely brought her A-game.

You saw Ty lee around a lot, especially as your family seemed to find any excuse to bring the talented chi blocker anywhere near you. The excuses varied from sending Ty lee to help you with the horse, to calling you in for dinner, to having her bring you spare change on your daily errands. Ty lee seemed more than willing to help and no matter how crowded the room was she’d somehow notice you and make her way over to you. It didn’t matter who she was with she’d drop what she was doing and appear by your side, usually not moving away from you for the rest of the night. At first you found the constant attention and looks from your family embarrassing but you soon realised embarrassment was worth it just to have Ty lee by you. She made you feel special and important in a town and family that had always wanted you to be quiet. Ty lee seemed to make it her mission to get you to open up and you found you liked it. And her of course....a lot. The situation where you realised you couldn’t deny it anymore was when you ran into Ty lee in town. Ty lee surrounded by adoring suitors from your village what she caught sight of you. She called you over but never a fan of the boys your age you waved her away and expected that to be the end of it. Seconds later you heard heavy breathing and Ty lee appeared. "Phew your village has a lot of friendly people sometimes it’s a bit much...can I walk with you?”. You blushed realising she'd ditched all the boys in your town just for you and nodded "sure" and led her away from the group of simmering boys watching. As much as every encounter with her left you feeling dazed and humiliated at whatever embarrassing thing you’d done, you hoped Zuko would never leave so Ty lee could stay. You were well and truly smitten.

1 week later

Your whole family had been anxious for so long that when something did go wrong their response time was impeccable. You were all gathered out of bed minutes after Zuko called and stood around listening as he explained how his sister Azula had escaped his custody and was raising a revolt against him. You listened worried as your cousin explained what Azula was capable of and watched as everyone hurried to set protection plans in place. You wouldn’t be called on for your opinion or skills so you were just listening in the background when someone mentioned Ty lee. You perked up and noticed she wasn’t here. "I’m sorry but what was that about Ty lee?" you called and Zuko frowned "Azula kidnapped her, she took her as a hostage so we wouldn’t follow her". "What? We have to get her back!". Mai nodded "that’s the plan". "Well i want to help, if you need fighters i volunteer, I can leave tonight". "Y/n" your mother gasped but you shook her away "i’m a good fire bender I can help get Ty lee back". Zuko smiled "thanks y/n but were not actually planning on engaging with Azula". "But how will you get Ty lee back?". "Hopefully with a trade she likes those" Mai said dryly "it’s too difficult to sneak into Azula’s base so that’s our only option. She'll offer one we just have to wait". "Just wait?" you asked and Zuko frowned "I know it sounds backwards but we could do more harm than good attacking Azula". “That’s only if we lose” you pointed out and Zuko nodded “that’s true but my sister is hard to beat one on one and a group is too easy to spot, we’ll just have to wait”. You took in what Zuko said and fell silent. You stayed mute the rest of the meeting and may’ve seemed calm or passive to the others but you weren’t. You took in every single thing they said, every detail about Azula’s camp and snook away before the meeting had ended.

Azula’s camp was not as impressive as you thought it would be, just a small compound that was very easy to break into. Ty lee seemed to be the main prisoner and so you listened to some guards and found her location. You arrived outside the house you were sure Ty lee was being kept in and calmed yourself slowing your breathing and concentrating on what you were here to do. You waited for a guard to approach and took his keys before knocking him unconscious. You hid him in a shaded area before opening the door to Ty lee’s prison. You took out the first guard you saw with fire bending and he went down unconscious. A second tried to rush you but you winded him with fire bending and then kicked him over for good measure. The man fell over and went to get back up but your flared your fire "stay down" you yelled and he did. You straightened and looked around when a voice cried out to you. Relief flooded through your body to see Ty lee stood there and you rushed to her. "Ty lee! You’re....please tell me you’re okay?". She nodded "i’m fine! I can’t believe you’re here”. You smiled at her before spinning around to the conscious guard. "Open her cell!" you commend and the man scrambled to get it open. Ty lee swept out as soon as it was open and you pushed the two guards inside locking it and taking the keys. "You saved me" Ty Lee cried and she flung her arms around you. You hugged her back and smiled, going as pink as her top, "well i....we should go" you tugged Ty lee’s hand and noticed as she winced. "What’s wrong?" you asked and she shook her head "nothing lets go". "No you’re hurt...". You noticed how she stood awkwardly putting more weight on one foot and frowned "your ankle, you can’t walk". Ty lee shook her head worried how you’d escape if she couldn’t run "no i’m fine i promise". "I’m not letting you injure yourself more" you told her. Ty lee went to assure you she could exert it a bit more when you suddenly picked her up. Ty lee yelped as you carefully swept her up in your arms. "Is this okay? Does it hurt if I do this?". Now Ty lee was the blushing embarrassed one, you were holding her up so easily and securely, it was impressive. "It’s fine" she smiled "thank you" and you nodded. "Okay hold on" and took off into a run.

You made it back to your town with only minor incidences. It had been a rough night regardless and your arms ached painfully when you put Ty lee down having reached your home. Zuko and the others were still gathered inside and you hooked Ty lee’s arm around your neck helping her to the door. You pushed the door open and led Ty lee in. Mai glanced at you before doing a double take registering who was beside you. "Ty lee, you’re okay!" she cried rushing to hug her friend. You stepped away from her so Mai could hug her but rushed to grab Ty lee a chair. You seated it behind her and tapped Ty lee’s shoulder lightly. She took the seat shooting you a smile as the others all frowned. "But how?" Zuko asked. "Y/n" ty lee said proudly "she was amazing! She stormed Azula’s camp and carried me the whole way back!". Mai noticed how you brushed away Ty lee’s compliments and were blushing vividly. She also noticed how you stood protectively behind Ty lee and how Ty lee twisted in her seat to look up at you. "No it’s the bravest most valiant thing i’ve ever seen!" Ty lee cried and launched into a full blow by blow retelling. Mai watched as her oblivious friend made your blush worse and Mai smiled. It was clear you liked Ty lee but even clearer you didn’t realise Ty lee liked you too. Ty lee may come across as perpetually friendly but Mai could tell when she was just being nice and when she was genuinely impressed. Ty lee was indeed very impressed with you.

Ty lee’s POV

“I can’t believe you got yourself kidnapped” Mai scolded her and Ty lee rolled her eyes. Katara had worked on her ankle but it was a bad sprain so would take some time to heal. So Ty lee was forced to go to bed when all she wanted to do was help with the Azula problem. Mai however was very strict and seemed just as determined as you to make sure she was okay. “I didn’t mean to get kidnapped, plus it’s fine i’m back now!”. “Thanks to y/n” Mai commented and Ty lee nodded “I know, the way she risked everything just to help me...she’s really something” she sighed wistfully. Mai scoffed glaring at her and Ty lee paused “what?”. “You are not this clueless!”. “What?” Ty lee cried and Mai rolled her eyes. “You seriously don’t see that y/n is smitten with you?”. “What!” Ty lee yelled going pink “why do you think that?”. “Ow I don’t know maybe because she’s an introvert who avoids anyone but the two of you are always together, or because she brings you to her family dinner every week, or how whenever she’s around you she can barely look you in the eye without blushing....or how she tore down Azula’s camp risking her life just because you were there and then literally carried you back in her arms”. Mai sat next to Ty lee with a bounce and Ty lee stared “I....I never noticed”. “Figures, you never notice all the people infatuated with you but please tell me you realise you’re just as smitten for her?”. Ty lee blushed profoundly and looked down “i’m that obvious huh?”. “Yup, you’re not fooling anyone with all those excuses to run y/n’s errands with her”. Ty lee chuckled and then paused “you really think she likes me too?” she asked coyly. Mai rolled her eyes at how clueless her friend was but smiled despite herself ”definitely, so go get your girl”.

Your POV

After Ty lee was safely returned home and her ankle seen to by the healer Katara you promptly collapsed into bed. Your mission had been a resounding success but that didn’t mean you weren’t bruised and tired. You had just extinguished the candle when there was a knock on the door. You dragged yourself out of bed angrily and yanked open your door “what is....Ty lee?”. Ty lee stood there smiling at you and for once she didn’t have her signature confident aura. “Sorry were you sleeping? I can come back....”. “No it’s fine come in”. You led Ty lee into your room and hurried to tidy it and relight the candles “sorry for the mess I....wait what are you doing up! Katara said no walking" you cried realising she was on her feet. "It’s fine I have crutches!" she said happily gesturing to them but you shook your head "you should be in bed resting!". "You should know by now i can never stay still" she grinned and you rolled your eyes "fine but please sit down".

Ty lee would’ve argued she was fine but you seemed so certain she took the chair you offered her. You fussed around her, getting a cushion for her foot and one for her back and Ty lee blushed to see how much care you were taking. Maybe Mai was right....

"There" you said finished, satisfied Ty lee was comfy. "Now how can i help?". "It’s kinda the opposite...i’m here to thank you" Ty lee beamed "you saved my life tonight y/n and literally carried me to safety". "It was nothing" you tried to brush it off but Ty lee shook her head grabbing your hand "it wasn’t! Mai told me how everyone told you not to do it and how you actually disobeyed them by coming to get me". You glanced at her hand over yours and relaxed "well i...i was worried Azula might be being harsh to you, i figured even if i got caught i might distract her from you...". Ty lee blushed "that was very sweet of you but you don’t need to risk yourself just for me". You shrugged "i think you’re worth it" and Ty lee frowned "what do you mean?". You shrugged embarrassed "well you’re the nicest person i’ve ever met! I actually thought it was an act at first you’re that nice but it’s not" you smiled "you were so kind to me and for no reason...you just cared" you chuckled "i think we need more people like you in the world Ty lee, you’re very special". Ty lee let out a mini exclamation of emotion and suddenly threw her arms around you. You let her hug you, used to surprise hugs by now but you weren’t used to her kissing you. Ty lee wrapped her arms around your neck and pecked your lips with her own. You broke away immediately thinking it was a mistake but Ty lee just blushed looking at you "was that...was it not okay i did that?". "I...you mean you actually meant to kiss me?". "Yes silly!". "Because i saved your life?". "No because i like you". When you blushed Ty lee smiled "that’s a good sign right?" and when you nodded she leant back in. You were prepared this time but not for how great it would feel. Everything about her, how she felt, how her arms felt wrapped around you neck, how you felt wrapped together just made it bliss. It was a sweet but long kiss and when Ty lee pulled away you blinked your eyes open and stared at the wall in a daze "wow". Ty lee giggled looking up at you before you gasped. "You’re stood up! Ty lee!" you scolded her and she rolled her eyes "i’m fine, plus you realise you’re practically holding me up?" She asked and you realised without meaning to you were, you had your arms around her waist and she was hovering off the floor. "Ow well...i guess this works". "So if i want to stand up i just have to hold onto you ever time i guess" Ty lee grinned and you blushed. "I mean i don’t object to that". Ty lee smiled and stared up at you "good". Ty lee kept gazing at you and you lasted second before you looked away embarrassed. You blushed and Ty lee laughed so you just pulled her into you so you couldn’t see her face. Ty lee chuckled “you’re adorable” and settled her head against your neck. “You’re one to talk” you replied and Ty lee blushed too.

----

So I got Ty lee feels which has honestly never happened to me before but now I am obsessed! So might do a part 2 because I have lots of Ty lee ideas rn 😂

[badwolf-winchester]

Ancient Bloodlines

Pairing: Loki x Emy Nightstar (OC)

OC Summary: Emy is the newest Avenger. She specializes in Magic and close range attacks/ weapons. Her heritage is unknown to her as she was left at an orphanage door step when she was a young girl with only the memory of her name. She goes by her nickname Emy but has never told anyone her full name as its a reminder of her being abandoned. Emy can see through any illusion and Magic no matter how powerful they are or how strong the magic is and is unaware of this. Her powers include Telekinesis, Elemental Control, True Sight (as stated above) Enhanced healing and Shifting (she wont discover this till much later in the story). She loves to read, listen to music, play violin, sing, and draw.

Story Info: Takes place after infinity wars. Tony and Natasha are alive Steven comes back from the future after giving back the infinity stones. Vision is alive and living with Wanda in the tower. Thor and Loki live in the tower with the rest of the Avengers and for the sake of the story Himedall is alive and living with the rest of the Asgardians on earth in New Asgard (you will find out why later)

One last thing: Please do not repost my work on any other site or social media, however reblogging on here is fine. I work hard on all of my fanfics and it’s disappointing when people take my work as their own. I am the creater of all my OCs such as Sora Nightstar, Emy Nightstar, and Lithium Nightstar. My inbox is open for any and all requests as i am a multi fandom writer. Let me know how you like the story and i will do my best to answer any and all questions. As always i encourage any and all feedback as it helps with my writing. I hope you all like it!

The Beginning

They say that your parents are there to teach you the rules of the world, but what happens when you have no parents? Who will teach you then? The world is cruel but people are crueler. Ive learned this first hand when the person i trusted most in this world left me on the door step of the St. Trinity’s Orphanage. I was 9 when my mother told me she didn’t want me anymore and i guess I couldn’t really blame her. I mean who could love someone who couldn’t control the powers that grew with each passing year. Someone who started fires out of thin air when they had nightmares, conjured whirlwinds when startled, unfurled earthquakes when angered, spring forth rain showers when sad, and levitate objects when riddled with anxiety. I will never forget that day for its seared into my mind like its own person brand echoing with every beat of my heart. A monster thats what she called me, her own flesh and blood was a monster in her eyes, and i could see the relief when she ran from the solid oak door finally rid of the burden she had to put up with throughout the years. An abomination she cried as she reached the cobblestone sidewalk eager to be rid of me and by the pace she was going at i could tell she had more spring in her step than on the walk over from the bus we exited from. Unnatural she bellowed as she disappeared around the corner a ghost of a smile springing from her lips as she disappeared. These where the last words i would ever hear from my mother, if thats what you would call her.

Emy’s POV

Tonight was just like any other. Crisp cold air submerged the city in a blanket of dark and silence while it settled into your bones. I never minded the cold in fact I welcomed it, it reminded me of the cabin i found one year after running away from one of the many abusive foster homes i was forced to stay with. I’ll admit it was one of the times I was able to avoid the social workers for longer than a week and the happiest I had ever been in my life up until i was captured by Hydra. When I had a flair up with my powers, which usually ended up being fire, i would immediately get sent back to St. Trinity’s but this time i ran before they had the chance to toss me aside. The staff there used to place bets on how long i would stay with a family, they would joke saying i was cursed or jinxed but i knew the truth, no one wanted me. Once the parents found out about my abilities I was sent packing. I was labeled as a flight risk and a danger to others which only deepened my anti socialism.

Walking through the streets of New York i pull my dark purple jacket on and my dark brown hair in a pony tail as I get closer to my destination. Because i don’t feel the effects of the cold weather Tony, being such the dad figure he is, has made it his priority to make sure i still wear one just incase so here i was walking home in black ripped up jeans, a black v neck T-shirt, black and purple checkered vans and a light weight dark purple jacket. With my headphones in my ears and “I like it heavy” by Halestorm blasting I make my way to the place i call home, Stark Tower. Walking through the front doors i make my way past the receptionist who always greets me with a bright smile. As I walk towards the elevator I give her a small smile back and a head nod. After entering the elevator and pressing the button for the penthouse I start to reflect on how i got here.

By the time i was 15 Hydra found me in that cabin and took me away. I went from hopping from family to family to being used as a science experiment, constantly being poked and prodded just so they could get a reaction out of me. As a child my powers where very unstable mostly flaring up with my emotions, its no wonder that Hydra caught wind of me its not like i was hiding it very well or more so that i couldn’t hide it. They tried to wipe my memory to gain control of me “a blank slate” is what they wanted, but for some reason, they failed as I wasn’t susceptible to their conditioning methods no matter how much time i spent in the chair. However, I could tell they were scared of me I could see it in their eyes. This didn’t last long though as they used what they called their perfect weapon code name Winter Soldier to beat me into submission. After that first meeting that left me with a broken arm and a fractured ankle i started to obey, since then Ive met the Soldier a couple of times but if he remembers me he dosent let on and I dont blame him, he has been in that chair so many times Im genuinely surprised he can even remember how to walk. He is stronger than the others as most of the other test subjects had turned to vegetables after the 4th mind wipe, he was on his 10th the last time i saw him with Hydra.

Another test was done on me and this one was different. They used a teseract? If thats what they called it I can’t be sure nor did I care all I could feel was pain like as if someone injected lava in my veins. After they injected me I started screaming after a while I couldn’t even hear myself anymore, my throat was so sore and horse from the constant roar of my agony I just wanted it to end. How long was I out for? Seconds? Minutes? Hours? Days? Years? They didn’t keep clocks there or at least not in the dungeon like cell they had me in. When the fire faded i was left with this numbness and after further tests I realized that I was immune to fire. I can literally stick my hand in fire and i will be left untouched and unscorched. They did the same test with freezing temperatures to see if they could subdue me at least in some way. I must have been out longer than just a couple of days as during the tests i didn’t recognize any of the Doctors. In that moment I realized something, if they were trying to contain me then something must have happened to the soldier. It was time to plan my escape.

Back in my cell i could hear footsteps approaching me and then stop short. One of the scientists frantically trying to talk some sense into someone just out of my line of sight. “She is immune to anything we throw at her sir. We have done every test we could there is nothing left for us to do.” One of the goons in a lab coat stated to what i assumed is a higher up. “Bolden If her powers keep growing at the rate they are it could be days in which she will be unstoppable and with the soldier gone we dont have anything that can keep her in line. She broke Mandy and Rays arms the last time we tested her. She is getting too strong.” Brining a hand up to his chin the higher up Bolden stepped out of the shadows and looked at me with deep interest before he turned to looked at the man and scoffed. As he walked away i felt a cold chill ran down my back as I anticipated what was to become of me; I knew it was nothing good i had already broken their rules. His next words only confirmed what I feared. “ Its simple. Break her spirit or kill her Doctor. And when i say break her i mean in anyway means necessary.” His sadistic laugh is the last thing i remember before everything went black.

Its been 2 years since i have escaped and now I’m living in the avengers tower. I don’t remember what happened after that night in my cell its all a blur of red, screams, and gunshots. When i woke up next i was in a 6ft crater where I was being held captive without a scratch on me. Trees were uprooted and fallen over as if a bomb went off. Luckily the Avengers showed up not long after me waking up and took me to their base where i met Directer Fury. With his permission and 24/7 surveillance provided by Tony Stark via FRIDAY and training sessions to get my powers under control i was allowed to join the Avengers and fight for good. Little did i know that by agreeing to this I would end up in the path of a certain God or Gods who were also taking residence at the tower.

With the sound of a *ding* the elevator shook me out of my mind and back to the present. As i exited the elevator I pulled my head phones out of my ears and was instantly met with the sound of Tony losing his mind. “Where did she go? She knows she can’t be out this late. She could be taken again! Its 5 minutes past her curfew!” Rolling my eyes I roll my headphones up and shove them in my pocket and round the corner. “Tony it takes 5 minutes to get from the lobby to the penthouse calm down. I bet she will walk through that door anytime now.” Came the sweet voice of reason of none other than Pepper Potts. “I’m Home.” I said in a deadpan voice as i walked by the couple only for Tony to stand up and intercept me by placing a hand on my upper arm. “Where did you go and why didn’t you tell me you were leaving?” I looked at him and raised an eyebrow pushing his hand off me. “Tony its Wednesday. I have training with Strange on Wednesdays and I had Friday alert you as I was leaving but you were in the lab with Bruce.” Not sure what to say next Tony mumbled a small apology. “Sorry I was just worried about you. I know you are grown enough to make your own choices as you are 25 but I just want to make sure you are safe. How was the training with The Wizard?” Sighing and shaking my head just wanting to go the library and read I decided to just let it go. “Strange is a hard ass that much you already know. It wasnt bad actually I think I’m warming up to him. I didn’t spontaneously throw him to the wall when he snuck up behind me as i was going over the ancient texts so i call that improvement.” I said sheepishly while side stepping around him. “I’m gonna go to the library now and grab some light reading before bed you guys have a good night.” With out waiting for a response I quickly made my way towards my new destination only to have Tony saying something about guests in the house but I ignored him.

Pushing open the library door I make my way to the poetry section to grab my usual copy of Edgar Allen Poe that I read before bed. As my had reached for the spot i knew i put the book in i find that its not there. “Wait what? Where is my book? I know I put it back here before I left for training so where did it go?” Frustrated I stomp back over to the entrance and rip open the door ready to go on a murder spree while shouting down the hallway. “CLINT! You better give me back my night time book or I’m breaking all your arrows again! No one reads in this tower but me! How stupid do you think I am!?” Straining my ears I listen for any type of movement but was met with dead silence. After a minute I finally hear movement through the vents coming from the west part of the tower and I take off sprinting. Sliding around a corner I barely miss colliding with Steve and Bucky who look like they were on their way back from a mission. Offering a quick apology before I continue my pursuit I hear Steve yell “Hey! No running in the tower!” Not faltering in my hot pursuit of the Hawk thief I continue to zip through the tower ignoring the Captains words until i was almost to the vent that lead to the 2 level family room. Using the railing for the steps leading down to the family area to give me more height i jumped as close to the vent as possible and conjured my signature Scythe to slice through it while twisting in the air kicking the vent free and off its track. A shocked and terrified scream resonates from the vent as the culprit falls to the ground with a thud and a grunt. I landed in a crouched position and slowly straightened to my full hight. “What the hell Emy?! When did you learn to do that?!” Clint yells as he sits up rubbing his left shoulder that he landed on. I started stalking towards him with the blade of my scythe scrapping across the ground as i went while giving him a death glare. “Give me back my book Barton.” At the mention of his last name his head snapped up to me fear replacing the pain from his fall. “Oh shit last name not good.” Scrambling up on his feet he turns and runs towards the common room that connects to the elevator with me hot on his tail and my scythe trailing behind me in my right hand.

“Shit shit shit shit shit shit SHIT!!” He yells as he makes it fully to the room only to fling forward as i jump and kick his back tired of all the running. Twirling my weapon around I place it at his neck sneering at him. “I will not ask you again.” I said placing pressure on his neck with my blade. Sensing a fast moving object coming from my left from the kitchen I move my head back 3 inches as what looked like a hammer flew by me embedding itself in the wall. Turning my head slowly in the direction of the flying object, I confirmed it was indeed a hammer that was thrown at me. Irritation flared through me as i released Clint from the end of my scythe and turned fully to the kitchen to face my attacker. There stood 2 men that i did not recognize, one tall oak of a man with blond short hair, blue eyes and tan skin in blue jeans, a red T-shirt ,and grey jacket. the other shorter man made me stare at him and faultier for a second as he was so different from anyone i have ever seen, dark blue skin covered his entire body with darker almost black symbols and piercing red eyes, long black hair with black jeans, a green dress shirt and black jacket. Tearing my gaze away from his own curious one i looked between both men before i clenched my jaw letting my irritation settle back in. “Which one of you threw that hammer.” I said venom dripping with every word. “Whoa its ok Emy thats just Thor and Loki they are the asgardian Gods that live here in the tower part time when they are not in Norway.” Clint said standing up quickly. Not moving from my position i narrowed my eyes and flicked them over in Clint’s direction. The ground started to shake as my irritation and annoyance grew to anger remembering what i was doing before being interrupted by the Gods. Throwing his hands up in surrender he then quickly reached into his back pocket and retrieved my book. “Ok ok dont blow a fuse Em.” He said while tossing me my possession stopping me from causing an earthquake. Catching it in the air with my left had I inspected the book to make sure it wasn’t damaged before I let go of my scythe, with a wave of my hand it disappeared back to the pocket dimension I keep it in then looked back at Clint as the tremors stopped. “Touch my things again and i will be wearing your guts like my mom’s pashmina.” I said to the thief before walking out of the room and disappeared down the hallway not giving the Gods a second glance. As I entered my room i could hear a silky voice ring out from the kitchen. “Well isnt she interesting.”

Part 2 coming soon

@nickkie1129

[primeemeraldheiress]

In a world where Bruce never finds and takes-in female Jason, how would they still fall in love? 💕

I wrote this instead of prepping for cross-examination and it’s all your fault. 

The Longest Road

——————————

Batman returns from the Alley, where he’d been paying his respects to his parents, to find all four tires missing from the Batmobile. He stares. The sheer audacity. Incredulous laughter bubbles up and spills from his throat. 

He should… he should hunt the theif down. He should get them back. Tires for that tank are custom. Expensive. Lucius is going to kill him for losing them but to hell with it. If someone can make it past all his security and steal not one but all four of his tires in the twenty minutes he’d been gone… they fucking deserved them.

A tire iron catches his eye nearby, abandoned. He’d make sure it went with them when Alfred brings a new set. And if he refuses to look Alfred in the eye as he puts them on, that’s his business.

If the size of the fingerprints on the tire iron make him start patrolling the Alley, no one says anything.

———-

Jay Todd becomes a legend practically overnight. No one who looks at the tires can mistake their origin. To think that some scrub street brat from the alley had the balls to steal from the Batman…

She fences them easily. 

A little too easily, truth be told. She starts getting scouted and it spooks the hell out of her. What the hell do these people fucking want?! 

“You have talent.” The Penguin smirks as he hands her a Shirly Temple. “I’d hate to see it go to waste.” 

She politely smiles as she slips away, anxiety making her heartbeat sound like drums in her ears.

“You got balls.” Black Mask leers, running a hand across her shoulder. “I could use a pretty thing like you.” 

She almost hadn’t made it out of that one.

“You got style.” Catwoman smirks. “But I’m not the mentor type. You’re gonna have to choose, kid. They’re gonna keep coming for you. And they’re going to stop being so polite.”

This was polite?

She just wanted to live. She hadn’t wanted attention, only to eat. 

If she had to choose… did she have to choose one of the crazy-ass rogues? Desperation drives her into the Red Lion, the front for the Sullivan family. Irish mafia and the assassin hand of the Falcones. 

“Ho-ly shite.” 

A voice calls as she enters and the dull roar of conversation slowly dies as everyone turns to stare. She knows she doesn’t look like much, in her filthy clothes, drenched by the rain. She knows she isn’t much. But she’s desperate.

“Isn’t that the Todd girl all the rogues are fighting over right now?” Someone else asks.

Shit. What is she even doing here? She shouldn’t be here. Jay turns to flee but a hand settles on her shoulder. She flinches. 

“Hey now, none of that.” The voice is warm. Welcoming. “Don’t go back out there. It’s pissing down. Come in and have a seat.”

Jay looks up into the face of Niamh Sullivan’s face, the matriarch of the family. She has the feeling that no one says no to Niamh Sullivan. In moments she finds herself next to the fire with a bowl of soup and a chunk of bread and a pair of green eyes resting heavily on hers.

“I’m betting,” Niamh states, “You didn’t come here for a pint.”

Slowly, Jay shakes her head.

“Tell me, pet.”

She does.

That night, she’s tucked into a bed, after a hot bath, with a full belly.

Her new life is an exercise in contradiction but one she finds she doesn’t mind. It’s Catholic school and evening prayers. It’s target practice,  business, and business. 

Jay Sullivan thrives. 

During training one day, she gets separated from her family. Gets caught. Get’s hurt badly. She can’t move as the Joker stands over her with a crowbar and a wicked smile on his face. She doesn’t get it. She’s not a mask. She doesn’t have anything he wants. He’s just being a cruel bastard.

The beating is agony. She thinks she’s going to die, in that tiny warehouse. On that shitty pier. And she can’t help but be a little grateful because she got a few more years than she expected. Because she got to experience a loving family and the warmth of a real home. 

She hopes that they find her body. That they know what happened to her and don’t think that she just ran away — ungrateful for everything they did for her.

The crack of a gun comes out of nowhere and the blood sprays over her face. A perfect shot right through rogue’s throat. Niamh, Liam, and Ronan storm into the warehouse, the noise of gunshots deafening in the small space but the most beautiful sound in the world. 

She’s never felt so safe, as Niamh empties a magazine into the clown’s head, before she’s bundled up in the arms of her family and taken home. 

True family will kill for you. 

Along with a few of her cousins, she’s in Ireland when the Holiday Killer wipes out the active members of the family. When she returns, she swears vengeance and actively works to find and destroy enemies of the family. The main branch in Ireland send her help, full of grief and anger at the loss of their blood.

As the Falcone family is wiped out, Sullivan rises and she easily steps up, taking the spot now vacant. 

It’s war in the mafia families as Jay tries to root out who killed her adoptive family. With each step forward, she wipes out or incorporates another branch. Consolidates more power. She’s just as ruthless in the boardroom, wielding the companies she’s taken over, as she is in the streets.

Whispers name her the Morrigan.

Roman Sionis wants her dead.

Harvey Dent thinks she’s amusing.

Cobblepot is unconcerned, sure that is safe in his ice palace. 

The Batman is taking notice. 

With her new power, she tries to do some good. She remembers her childhood. Her time on the street. She sets up shelters. Starts programs. Buys up property in the Alley for low-income housing that’s actually habitable. 

Jay Sullivan begins to get invitations to fancy events. She’d been a few times, on the arms of the Falcone brothers when they wanted a pretty face to show off and a bodyguard no one would expect, but she hadn’t moved in the type of circles to get them herself.

She’s never met Bruce Wayne before.

But now, with the rise of her companies and her power in Gotham, it was inevitable.

She wasn’t impressed. 

At first.

———-

It was supposed to be information gathering. That’s all. 

But Bruce finds himself drawn to her. Despite because of her reputation for ruthlessness and her bloodsoaked nickname. Dick teases him about his penchant for attraction to dangerous women.

There’s something about her. About her presence.  He can’t help but be attracted. 

He can tell she doesn’t think much of him and that’s to be expected. Brucie does exactly what he’s meant to do. 

Then, she starts to challenge him. She challenges WE’s social work and policies. Challenges their charity branch. Openly. In front of everyone. And doesn’t back down when he tries to play the airheaded CEO.

When he takes her to dinner and drops the persona she only arches a brow. He hates that he loves it. He asks her to be his companion to the annual Wayne Gala and she accepts.

Somehow, he is not surprised when, after the gala, he finds her stretched out on the hood of the Batmobile.

“You know, I stole the tires off this thing once.”

He chokes and she pulls him into a kiss by his tie. She tastes like his champagne.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #359

“i’m only a crack in this castle of glass  /  hardly anything there for you to see”

Do you look better with your hair down or up? It's too short to go up. Has you mom ever directly told you that she favoured your other sibling(s) over you? Yeesh, no. Have you ever read The Outsiders? Seen the movie? Read the book, seen the movie. Adore both. What’s your favourite drink from Jamba Juice? I don't think we have those here. Can you stand eating the crusts of a slice of sandwich bread? I don't mind the crust at all. Do you do your homework at home or in class? Prior to college, I did my work right after getting home to get it out of the way. In college, I did it in-between classes or when waiting for Mom to finish class. Do you feel uncomfortable sharing drinks with other people? Yes, I never do it. Do you get jealous if your boyfriend hugs another girl? I'm single, but hypothetically, I wouldn't... It's just a hug. At least for me, it's just a friendly gesture. Is there something that happened in your past you hate talking about? A few things, yes. Is it hard for you to be “just friends” with the opposite sex? Nah. If you had to choose, what color is your favorite? Baby pink. How many times have you dated the person you’re with now? I’m single. Has anyone suspected you of being a different sexuality? Yes. Do you like chocolate or vanilla cake more? Chocolate. Does it bother you to have blood drawn or not so much? Nah. What color is your toothbrush? It's a white electric one. Do you normally fall asleep fast or slow? Ridiculously slow. Have you ever had a severe allergic reaction? No. What do you want to be for Halloween this year? I'd love to dress up as like a Ms. Oogie Boogie and take some cool pictures, but I highly doubt it'll actually happen. What color are your glasses, if applicable? Black. Do you still look in the toy aisle, or do you pass it by? I walk past it. What are your summer fashion essentials? I don't have fashion essentials for any season. Do you have your own website? For my photography, yeah. Do you think you would be a good salesperson? Ha, no. I worked in retail before and I fucking sucked. Do you like candy corn? NO. Just colored wax, ugh. Do you like to wear skirts? I don't wear anything that shows my legs. Were you happy as a kid? Yeah. That, talkative, and hyper. Favorite store to browse but not really buy anything? Haha, I LOVE going on MorphMarket now and again to browse the ball pythons especially, but boy if I had the cash and space would I buy like fifty of them at once. I don't really know about a store I like browsing but not buying from. Skittles or Sour Patch Kids? Both are great, but I guess Sour Patch Kids. BUT, if you throw SOUR Skittles in there... then it's a war lol. If tattoos were free, how many would you have? A HELL OF A LOT. I wanna be just about totally painted. Do you wear a retainer at night? Not anymore. I had one, but I stopped using it. Are you afraid of dolls, puppets, or clowns? I'm not a doll person, particularly porcelain ones. When you’re in your room, do you keep the door locked? No. It's not even closed. Do you think your face is mostly symmetrical? Actually no, and I'm self-conscious about it. Stupidest thing you have ever said out loud? OH Christ, I'm not retrospecting on this. What’s your least favourite ice-cream flavour? That I've actually tried, strawberry. It's disgusting. What was the last good news you heard? I got approved for TMS therapy! Who was the last person to comment on your Facebook status? My friend Lyndsey. How did you meet him/her? World of Warcraft. She's actually my guild master, and she is the sweetest damn person. Have you ever learned any self-defense? If not, would you be interested in learning? I haven't, but yeah, I'd like to. When was the last time you took a nap? How long was it? Yesterday. For some reason, I actually slept a LONG time, like at least three, but probably close to four, hours. I mean I was tired, but I didn't feel THAT tired. Do you like Gushers? YAAAAAAAAAAS What would you do if you could do anything without failing? Actually get a degree for SOMETHING. What is your native language? English. Do you have a younger brother or sister? A younger sister. If so do/did they really get on your nerves? No. We were very close as kids, but we've drifted apart. Now, she absolutely doesn't get on my nerves. I'm so proud of her. Name something that happened to you that was completely unexpected. Uhhh I dunno. Do you judge people that have multiple piercings? Lol wtf? No. Do you watch the Olympics? No. What did you have for breakfast this morning? I had Kix cereal. Do you like orange juice? Yes. So long as it doesn't have pulp in it. Do you think it’s cruel to keep an animal in a cage while you’re away? It depends on the size of the cage as well as how long you're away. Do you have a pet gecko? No, but I'd love a fat-tailed gecko. Are you scared of reptiles? Not at all, I adore them. Is your car messy? I don't have my own car. Mom's kinda is, though. It needs a wash badly, but because of her bumper literally being zip-tied on, she doesn't trust going into a car wash. And neither of us are about to do it manually, lol. Have you ever seen the show 16 and Pregnant? No, fuck that show. Do you buy expensive clothes? No. Does death scare you? Not really. What are your current goals? Conquer my social anxiety, get a job, lose weight, do something to strengthen my legs... Those are the four biggies. Do you clap or cheer when at a concert? I did both at the one I've been to. Do you drink coffee? What brand? No. Do you use a comb or brush? A comb. When you were younger, did you ever do that exclamation point that looked like an upside down triangle and had a really big dot? No. I loved the cutesy girl handwriting though, haha. I just could never do it. You’re locked in a room with the person you last dated, any problems? Well yeah, we're locked in a room lmao. What kind of relationship do you have with the last person you kissed? It's perfectly fine, we're best friends. Have you ever gotten burnt by a cigarette? No. Do you get mad when people smoke around you? Yes. Honestly, have you ever eaten raw cookie dough? Yeah, more than once. When was the last time you were on a city bus? Never. Do you have a garden? Does it have flowers, vegetables, or both? No. Where do you want to raise your kids? Who said I even want kids? Have you ever been to Cracker Barrel? Yessssss, good shit. Have you ever seen a ghost? I think I have. Have you ever burned an ant with a magnifying glass? No. Have you ever been to craigslist.com? Yes. Have you ever used Nair? Yes, on my legs. It works, I just have stupidly hairy legs that need so much to get it all. How many tabs do you have open and what are they? Two YouTube tabs and then Tumblr. What browser do you prefer to use? Chrome. What room are you in right now? My bedroom. Are you excited for anything this month? 1.) I get my tattoo on the 19th, and 2.) I start TMS next Wednesday. What language course did you take in school, if any? I barely survived one semester of Latin, then I did all four available German courses. What language would you most like to learn? I'd love to improve my German. What would you like to get a degree in? Photography. What book are you reading, what genre is it and do you like it so far? Wings of Fire: The Brightest Night. It's young adult fantasy, I think. Did you ever sometimes flip through your text books even when you didn’t need to? Yeah, mainly to just look at pictures because I was that bored in class, haha. What types of magazines do you read? None. Would you prefer to read a book, watch a movie or TV show, or play a video game? Play a video game. What’s your current relationship like with the person you lost your virginity to and do you wish it was different? We don't have any relationship anymore. I don't regret losing it to him, if that's what you're asking. If you mean our relationship stance, it'd be nice to still be in touch with him, but I know it wouldn't be healthy for me. Have you ever felt responsible for someone’s death? Pets, yes. No humans. What was the last book you recommended to someone? Idk. What’s the most difficult thing you and your current or last significant other have gone through? Distance was very hard. What’s your best memory with your ex? I'm going to assume this refers to "the ex." In which case, we were "play arguing," and I came storming into the kitchen after him to make a point, and I slid mid-sentence, and he caught me. We just held each other laughing our asses off. It's the simple things, man. Who was the last person that asked to hang out with you and what’s the story of how you met that person? Summer. My little sister and her were in pre-k together and became friends, but I gradually became closer to her than Nicole did when we were teens. Has anyone ever asked you out and you turned them down? Yes. Is there something you generally always ask for help with? Yeah. Like recently I've been having apples and peanut butter a lot, and I ask my mom to cut the apple because I'm terrified of knives. Do you feel comfortable telling people how much you weigh? NOPE. Have you looked at any old photos of yourself lately? No. In a relationship, have you ever been on and off with your partner? No. Do you consider cooking to be an art? Yes. Are you a fast or slow reader? I'd say I read at a moderate pace. Does it take a lot to gross you out? It depends on what it is, but I am actually more squeamish than I used to be.

[dearlazerbunny]

Lie to Me (Ch. 23 of 28)

Pairings: Loki x Reader

Genre/Ratings: M eventually (aiming for a slow burn here); warnings for kidnapping and subsequent anxiety/PTSD (will be marked before every chapter)

Words: 1300

Summary: If you had to guess what the captured, traitor, trickster god Loki Laufeyson wanted or needed at this moment, a babysitter would be far, far down on the list. (Set after the events of Avengers 1.)

SHOUTOUT TO @molmcb and @jessiejunebug, I’m too tired to think of something clever to put here tonight (pt. 2)

Requested Tags: @deraniel, @iamverity,  @yasnooshka24, @wegingerangelica, @themusingsofmany , @dark-night-sky-99, @tarynkauai, @stuffandstuff-stuff, @angelicshinigami, @my-current-fandom-is, @geekysimmerthings,           @lokis-butter-knife, @help-i-need-a-social-life, @vodka-and-some-sass

Loki has stood in Asgard’s grand throne room too many times to count. Some of his earliest memories are of his small self hiding behind his mother’s skirts as he and Thor look on at various proceedings: Odin meting out cruel justice, or citizens presenting complaints, or yearly celebrations they were always turned away from once the hour struck late. This room was an idol to him, once. His endgame. Young hopes and dreams are embedded into every tile that paves the floor. As years passed, the gold that once shined so brightly in his eyes began to dull; warm words crystallized to stone and ice. It became a cancer that consumed his mind and turned his hand to darker thoughts, darker desires- something to conquer and claim rather than bow to and serve. He always knew, truly, that this throne would be his undoing, one way or another, for better or for worse.

And if he is being honest with himself, he always knew it would be for the worst. That nothing would ever end well for Loki Laufeyson.

But even as he is marched to the dias in the center of the room, flanked by thousands of citizens come to see their fallen dark prince meet his fate, his head is held high. The chains wrapping his form do not seem to weigh him down, and his eyes are alert and clever as ever. His armor gleams, his demeanor is calm, and his feet step lightly towards his doom. Because in every other face in the crowd, he sees your own- watching him with soft eyes, giving him courage where his usual boldness has failed him. He walks as you would want him to, as he would want you to see him: proudly, and without shame.

A prince is still a prince, no matter where he comes from. He may not be the prince his father wanted, the prince his mother deserves, or a prince Asgard would accept. But if he is still a prince in your eyes, even after knowing how deep his scars truly cut- then royalty he must be.

And so as he faces his father on his throne, Frigga at his side, and Thor by the other, he does so, for the first time, as their equal.

A hush falls over the crowd as he stops in front of Odin, and his escorts step away. He does not kneel. He does not bow. He simply inclines his head, and in a rare moment of understatement, speaks: “I believe you wished to see me?”

Odin’s gaze is disapproving, of course, but Loki thinks he catches a glint of amusement amongst the sadness mingling in Frigga’s eyes. Thor seems torn- his face is as unreadable as thunderclouds. “My son. It is under grave circumstances that you return to Asgard.”

“Only as grave as you wish it, All-Father. In a word you could transform this funeral into a feast. I am sure your guests would much appreciate the turn in mood.” Out of the corner of his eye, he sees the Warriors Three shift uncomfortably, and trade glances. They stand on Thor’s side, no doubt for his support, but Loki briefly wonders if they will mourn his sentencing. Perhaps not as he stands today, but for the mischievous, innocent boy they knew in their youth.

The rumble from Odin’s annoyance echoes throughout the hall. If the room was silent previously, you can now hear a pin drop. “Loki Odinson. Today you stand before the throne of Asgard for your trespasses against not only our home, but also Midgard, as well as myself and your own brother, Thor. To what do you say to these accusations?”

“I do not deny them. Indeed, I accept these charges as stated.”

The only indication of Odin’s surprise is a slight shift in his posture. “Will you not defend yourself?”

“I see no reason to, as the allegations are not false. I have wronged many and allowed destruction to befall many more. My guilt is clear, and my conscience heavy. As such, I will accept my penalty without complaint.”

“Hm.” His judge’s eyes are piercing, and cold. “It seems you have managed to maintain a mediocrum of dignity during your exploits.” For a moment, a familiar rage flares in Loki’s chest. He swallows it in a breath. “Very well. In consideration of your crimes, you shall be stripped of the immortality Idun has granted you, as well as the magic you so clearly covet. The rest of your days will be spent amongst your peers in the dungeons of Asgard. This is my decree, and this is my judgement.”

Immediately, those in attendance begin to murmur amongst themselves. To rescind one’s eternal youth is a grave penalty, and only used in the most serious of cases. The goddess Idun is the keeper of the apples which give the gift of youth and radiance, and she does not poison her prized fruit readily. Loki grimaces. He and the goddess haven’t been on the best of terms since he had a hand in her kidnapping by a giant, millennia ago. No doubt she will be only too happy to aid in his punishment.

When the double doors to the throne room open again, a breeze smelling of blossoming fruits and lavender floats in, easy and warm as the height of summer. Loki stands aside as a girl- twelve at most, with long hair braided into a crown and gauzy skirts that trail behind her- approaches the royal family and bows low in the old style. In her arms she carries a rough-woven basket filled with softly glowing apples.

Idun turns to Loki and regards him coolly. “Trickster. We meet again.”

He bristles at her use of his nickname. You call him Trickster out of fond exasperation, with a twinkle of a laugh in your voice. Her tone is not so kind. “Indeed we do. Have you been well?”

She doesn’t seem to know what to make of his casual conversation, but her face remains neutral. “My trees bear fruit, and so we live well,” she says simply. “Though it seems you will soon be excluded from such life. Are you prepared for the consequences?”

Reversing immortality is painful at best and lethal at worst. Odin could plan on torturing his son for decades in his dungeons, but there’s no guarantee that he will first survive the poison apple. “He does not have the privilege of choice,” Odin rumbles. “Prepare your spell.”

“Very well.” She inclines her head towards her king, then studies her basket carefully, eventually selecting a fruit that appears slightly plumper and fuller than the rest. Cupping it in her palms, she grazes its divine skin with a thumb, then brings the apple to her lips and begins to chant.

Aesir watch in morbid fascination as the healthy fruit begins to turn sickly and necrotic. Its golden sheen is replaced with a green-gray pallor, and it shrivels as though left in the sun for a thousand years, dripping hazy black smoke and droplets of acid that leave pockmarks on the floor as it leaks from her hands.

Even Idun doesn’t seem to take any pleasure at handing Loki the cursed apple. “May Heimdall smile kindly on your fate,” she whispers, and then retreats, as though she cannot bear to look.

Ash curls around his fingers and fills the air with a dead smell. “Eat,” Odin commands. “Accept your punishment with grace.”

Frigga looks as though she wants to cry, and Thor’s knuckles are clenched so tightly his skin has gone white. Loki looks at neither of them as he takes his first bite.

It tastes of rotted flesh, and acrid juice burns his throat and dribbles down his chin. Immediately, he can feel his stomach churn and his chest tighten as the curse works to undo thousands of years worth of magic. By the time he reaches the core and spits out the seeds into his palm, he feels as though fire is consuming his soul inch by inch.

The king nods in satisfaction. “So it is done. The All-Mother will oversee the revoking of your magic.” This time, Frigga visibly flinches. She cannot blatantly disobey her husband, but to have a hand in robbing her son of his pride and joy, a pride and joy that she herself fostered and nurtured from his infancy- it tears at her heart like nothing else. “Do you have anything to declare before you are taken into custody?”

Despite the agony curling around his person, Loki lifts his chin in quiet defiance. “I do.” He pauses, to make sure every eye is on him. “You call me Loki Odinson. You call me your son. But I believe we both know that I have ever been your son in name only, not in blood, love, or loyalty. I may die tomorrow, but I will die free, because today I declare my independence from the names that have haunted me for millennia. I am not Odinson, nor am I Laufeyson. I am Loki.” Loki’s eyes flare with pride as he fights to keep his voice steady. “I am singularly my own. I claim me for myself and no one else; with no unfulfilled names to carry with me to my grave. When I am stricken from Asgard’s history, remember me well as my own lord, master, and king.”

“GUARDS!” Odin roars, enraged by his words, but Loki simply smiles as his armored escorts drag him from the room by chains and lead him into the depths of Asgard’s castle. Yes, he may die tomorrow. But he will die liberated, with his last words ringing in all of the nine realms’ ears.

                                                             XXX

Frigga comes to visit him. He isn’t sure if she’s allowed to do this. He should ask, but most of the time he can’t do much more that shiver on the floor of his cell, arms wrapped around himself, jaw clenched to keep his teeth from rattling out of his skull.

At first, he curses Idun, but in his more lucid moments he admits she is only following his father’s orders. So he goes back to cursing Odin in between each painful breath.

Frigga can ease his pain slightly, but healing magic can only go so far when your very DNA is being re-written. She speaks with kindness, with love, and with pride, helping him through the worst nights when his stubbornness threatens to fail him and his resolve wavers as stars do in the sky.

“You spoke bravely, my son,” she whispers, her fingers against the barrier in front of her as though she might reach out and touch Loki’s face. “I have rarely been prouder. You have walked such a long road, and carried mountains on your shoulders that are all but invisible to others. And yet, you still find the courage to face your father as the prince I know you are. You have come so far.” In his chains, Loki clings to her every word. “Your love is looking up at the sky in awe, though she may not know why.”

Y/N. Just thinking your name eases a little of the sting that’s worked his way into his bones. As on Earth, you give him the hope to see another day.

“You shun the name of Odinson, and I cannot blame you for that. But I would be honored if someday, you would consider taking my own, Loki Friggason.”

Y/N Y/L/N. Loki Friggason. Two names to murmur in the dead of night to keep his heart beating until the sun rises once again.

A/N: Update 2 of 2 for tonight, sorry about that! The Idun kidnapping story is a real thing and you should def look it up, it’s a RIDE

[1pepsiboy]

Hello!! Could you do a Colby x reader where their spicy pics that they have together get leaked and the reader is freaking out and Colby has to comfort them? Thanks!!!

Absolutely! 

POV: Third person 

Word count: 1400

***

Y/N and Colby spoon in his bed; him as the bigger and armstightly wrapping around her. They’re watching “Wet Hot American Summer” onNetflix using Colby’s iPad. Every time C laughs, Y/N giggles more with hersmile spreading from ear to ear; some of the best moments are spent like this.

She lightly rests her arms on top of his and feels her eyesget a little heavy. As the ending credits and ridiculous song roll, Colbyplaces a kiss on Y/N’s head.

“Feel free to take a nap, baby. I’m gonna finish editing.”

“Mmkay.” She replies with a small, tired sigh and snugglesinto his pillow and comforter after he pulls away.

***

“Bro, did you see Twitter?” Sam asks, worry evident in hisvoice. “It’s not good.”

Y/N wipes her face and sits up in the bed. “What’shappening?”

Sam jumps a little, resting a hand on his chest. “God dangit!I did not know you were still here, Y/N.”

“I am.” She clears her throat and runs a hand through herhair. “So, what’s not good?” She could already feel her adrenaline rising tightin her chest and she did not want to have to pick up her phone and look to findout for herself. It would make it worse.  

Colby sits at his desk, shirtless, and gives Sam anappointive look. “Yeah, bro. What’s going on? Are fans trying to create morefire between Kat and Y/N?”

He shakes his head. “No, no, no, that’s been dealt with. Itmight actually be worse than that.” He hands Colby his phone and C readsthrough some of what’s on the screen.

He looks at Y/N and sighs heavily. “Uh…Baby, please don’tfreak out.”

“Cole Robert Brock, what the fuck is going on?” Y/N gets upfrom the bed, walks over to him, and snatches Sam’s phone out of his hand tosee that some spicy photos of theirs had been leaked. Not only were they spicy,they were the ones with her showing the most.

How on fucking earth they were leaked? She has no clue. UnlessColby’s ICloud was unlocked again and someone tapped into it. Her snap towardsColby was due to her anxiety rising and she hates that it makes her go crazy inways she can’t control.

“H-How?”

Colby put his hands in air and shakes his head. “I don’tknow…But it’s gonna be fine. I’ll tweet out for everyone take them down, to nottalk about them. I bet Sam could tweet too.” He gestures his hand at Sam as he suggests.

Sam nods his head. “Yeah, of course. Whatever I can do tohelp, man.”

Y/N shakes her head with the hot tears building up in hereyes. “This doesn’t mean the pictures are going to go away from the media orthat they’ll stop talking about them.”

“Hey, this will become old news to the fans fast. I’m sureof it.” Colby stands up and rests his hands on her shoulders, looking her inthe eyes with his purely sincere, blue eyes.

“Yeah, okay…I don’t care what the fans have to say, Colby.I’m worried what my mom is going to say, she actually goes on social media. She’sgonna see them.”

His face tenses a little and he cringes. “Ooo…”

Y/N wipes away the tears that trailed down on her cheeks. “Exactly.”

“I got an idea. It’s stupid, but it’s an idea.”

“What?” She sniffles.

C bits his bottom lip. “You’re not gonna like it… What if wejust facetime your mom about the pictures and lightly mention they got leaked?”

Sam took in a breath between his teeth. “Full honesty, bro?”

“What?” Colby exclaims, throwing his arms out, and makes hiseyes go wide. “You got any better ideas before she sees them? It’s probably betterher mom hears it from us than social media.”

“No, no,” Sam puts his hands in the air, “but I’m not beinga part of this plan. Good luck.”

Colby scoffs, jokingly, “Fine. You and your tiny nippleswere never part of the plan.”

Sam pulls his ‘Beyond the norm’ shirt up and begins to backout. “Good cause we didn’t want to be.”

“Put your shirt down.” C replies in one of his many funnyvoices, but the one that hinted more of his Midwestern side.

Y/N actually laughs under breath, grateful for the stupid banterbetween the two as a small distraction.

***

Colby hits the callon Y/N’s phone and reaches out for her hand. “It’s gonna be okay.”

As much as he was trying to comforter her, she knew he wasinternally freaking out. No one wants to tell a parent there’s sexual pictures ofthem that they took and that they’ve been leaked for the whole world of socialmedia to see.

Her mother’s face pops up on the screen, clearly already nothappy.

“Hey mah.”

Betty purses her lips in a line. “Is the reason you’recalling have to do with what’s going around of you two?”

Y/N bits on her thumbnail, nodding her head. “Yeah…”

“We were going to tell you before you saw them, but…guessthat opportunity is gone.” Colby speaks up.

“What in the name of all that is bad were you thinking, Y/N?What did taking those photos accomplish you? Embarrassment, harassment, and a disappointedmom.”  

“I know.” Y/N sighs, rubbing her face, and could feel thewater building up again.

“Hold on.” Colby snaps lightly, but then clears his throatafter seeing the firey glare her mom had to give him. “Sadly, this sort ofthing happens all the time with people in the spotlight.”

“Yeah? Well, thank you so much for putting my daughter init.”

“Mom!” Y/N’s eyes go wide.

Colby chews on his bottom lip and shakes his head. “I knowit’s my fault and I’m sorry. I don’t know how they got the pictures, butwhoever found them should not have shared. This crossed a certain line I washoping would never happen. I’m gonna do what I can to get rid of them, to shutit all down… I’ve already decided to make a video about it. It’s lecturingtime.”

Y/N couldn’t help giggling.

“You think it’s funny?” Betty asks incredulously. “I don’t thinkthat’s going to help the situation.”

She tries to stop, but it only makes it her worse. After shetakes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. “Just imagine Colby lecturing thefandom about this. It is pretty funny. I do agree though, this crossed apersonal line and they should know how wrong it was.”

He squeezes her hand and looks at her with raised eyebrows. “Yougonna be in the video, baby? Got a few words to say?”

“Definitely.”

Betty must’ve had the phone leaning against something becauseshe tosses her hands in the air. “Go ahead and make the video. Don’t listen tothe woman who’s been on this earth for longer that’s saying it’s going to makethe situation worse.”

Y/N lightly huffs. “Mom, I know you’re still disappointed atthe fact the pictures exist, and I was super upset when I found out they wereleaked…but I do think the fans should know. A tweet or post is not going to beenough.”

“Okay.”

There’s some awkward silence, and Colby seems especiallyawkward.

“So…am I still a hated boyfriend right now?” He finallyasks.

Her mom raises her eyebrows at him for a moment beforesighing. “Check back with me in a few days.”

He snaps his fingers into a clap. “Got it.” He kisses Y/N’scheek. “I’m gonna go prep the camera. Bye Betty.”

“Bye Colby.”

He leaves and Y/N barely looks at her mom.

“I am sorry you had to find out via social media. We reallywere going to try telling you before you saw it there.”

“I…know. I still love you. Just know this will probably hauntyou for the rest of your life. Your kids will probably see them.”

Y/N rolls her eyes. “Right. And if they do, I’ll explain howcruel people on social media can be, if I haven’t already… I love you too.”

Betty nods her head shortly. “You better go record. I’lltalk later.”

“Okay.”

They wave goodbye before ending and Y/N stands up to go findwhere Colby decided the video should be filmed.

[Mer sterf]

[funkymbtifiction]

Hello! Thank you so much for your blog. It really opened my eyes to the sensors and how capable they are- particularly the SJs. That’s what my ask to you is about…I believe I’m an ESFJ, but am not sure. I read your post about emotional abuse SFJs undergo, which I relate to…I’ve suffered from low self esteem + depression all my life. Where I have trouble relating to Fe-doms is popularity: I was never popular and was absolutely obsessed with it. I have terrible social anxiety and am very sensitive to changes in someone’s face or how they text me which indicates whether they are getting bored with me. I believe I fixated on this aspect of my life to the point where I began to “detach” from reality: forming very narcissistic daydreams to escape real life where I am amazing to others, they are in awe of me for whatever reason, etc. I began trying to analyze/determine a way to have a good life “without” people. Naturally, I try to act compassionate and polite, but there are times I’m not, and I question why I don’t feel anything towards someone’s situation. Is this normal for ESFJs in my situation?

Sensors are awesome. Just saying.

Being a Fe-dom doesn’t necessarily indicate you will be popular; but the fact that you wanted to be and felt something was missing because you weren’t does indeed indicate Fe-dominance.

Healthy F-doms are all very sensitive (to their own feelings and being aware of and considerate of others’ feelings), seek harmony / to avoid conflict, and want to be accepted for who they are. Most of them champion the right to be unique. So, wanting to be popular / liked / etc is all normal behavior for a Fe-dom.

I have terrible social anxiety and am very sensitive to changes in someone’s face or how they text me which indicates whether they are getting bored with me.

This makes sense given your social anxiety; the less secure Fe is, the more it will adopt behaviors and/or study other people’s reactions as its guideline, rather than the more secure Fe-inclination of ‘reading’ what other people want and need and figuring out how to harmonize with them. Here’s an example: the Fe-dom waitress who gets a read on everyone at the table and drops in to fill cups and fulfill the table’s needs but never interrupts (the unseen pair of hands that gets a big tip at the end of the night because they never had to ask for anything... but she was not the center of attention either) vs. the anxious Fe-dom who is more concerned with fulfilling needs than reading the people at the table, so she hovers / interrupts to ask if she can refill drinks, rather than just doing it, thus consciously bringing the attention back to herself all the time, with the result that the table may be annoyed because she ‘intruded’ on them.

So, how do you figure out how to be the former and not the latter? You use Fe to pick up on what they need and want, you do not ‘guess.’ Guessing people’s motives is your enemy; you need to catch yourself doing it and ... stop. Assume if someone IS texting you, they WANT to be texting you. Watch their face, but focus on what they are SAYING and on LISTENING and RESPONDING, rather than being distracted in trying to read them.

Here’s a common rule: people love it when other people listen, and make them feel valued / special / heard. People are starving for attention, and if you need and want it, you can get it by being someone everyone loves to talk to, because you listen to what they say, you respond to what they say, and you take a genuine interest in them. Many people only care about themselves; the people who care about others stand out, because they ask questions. If you can focus on another person, find out what they like, and ask questions to get them to talk about it with you, they will think you are wonderful -- and you will establish an actual bond with them, as opposed to a superficial interaction.

For example, you get seated at some function next to a stranger, and you find out they like to fish; now you may know nothing about fishing and care about it even less, but you could also say, “Oh really? What do you love most about it?” and then a little while later, after they tell you that they used to fish with their grandpa, who is now gone, you say, “It’s really cool that you had a special relationship with your grandpa. Do you have a favorite memory of him?”

The next time you stress over a text message maybe not sounding enough like they want to talk to you, ask them about their day. You may find out they’re in the grocery line at the store, or their tire just blew out on the freeway, or there’s nothing wrong at all.

Remember this: people get bored with people who are self-absorbed. Choose to take an interest in THEM, and they will not get bored with you; and the smart, healthy persons will respond in kind, by taking an interest in YOU.

I believe I fixated on this aspect of my life to the point where I began to “detach” from reality: forming very narcissistic daydreams to escape real life where I am amazing to others, they are in awe of me for whatever reason, etc.

This is a Fe/Ne loop. To break it, you need to re-engage Si and focus on introducing yourself to new situations and building confidence through social interactions as you put your detail-skills to work. High Si means you can remember things really well about people; you know what makes people feel good? If you run into them two weeks later and say, “Hey [insert their name, because you used Si to store it in your brain], been fishing lately? Did you buy that new tackle?” This broadcasts to them: I really did listen to you. You are worth remembering. And having them feel good will make you feel good.

I began trying to analyze/determine a way to have a good life “without” people.

I understand your desire to do this, because rejection and anxiety is painful, but as an extrovert, being alone will never make your content. You cannot cage the inner tiger; those wants and needs you have are for a reason, and if you deny them, you will cope with your loneliness in less healthy ways. Because Ti is inferior, over-using it will result in an imbalance of the sort you describe below (not caring about people and lacking compassion for them); it is also not a reliable judge of others’ behaviors. The solution is not to avoid people, but ask yourself, “What do I have to offer that will improve both our lives?”

Naturally, I try to act compassionate and polite, but there are times I’m not, and I question why I don’t feel anything towards someone’s situation. Is this normal for ESFJs in my situation?

Okay, here’s the thing.

This COULD be an inferior Ti loop, but ONLY if it means you feel nothing for anyone for prolonged periods of time, you are extremely critical of everyone and everything, and you rationalize all of your decisions. If that happens, you will have to re-engage Fe by putting yourself out there and becoming involved in projects, and with people, in order to re-activate your Fe.

OR... this could be called “being human.”

Being a feeler does not automatically mean you are compassionate and polite all of the time; that is a myth. Fe is a judging function -- it seeks external group consensus but also judges things based on their collateral damage. So, if someone does something stupid and hurtful that winds up hurting a lot of people, Fe is not going to feel sorry for someone who did that, are they? No, they are going to say, “You did it to yourself... and tragically, to everyone around you, which makes you a jackass.”

In other words, context matters. The next time you feel ‘nothing’ for someone’s situation, ask yourself what caused their situation and whether it involves a moral judgment on your part? If you tell someone not to play with fire, and they burn their hand, you’re likely to be a lot less sympathetic than if they knew nothing about fire and innocently put their hand on it.

Everyone learns to put up emotional barriers -- if you didn’t, you would curl up in a ball of feels and die. When I heard about the Texas shooting, I cried -- I was so angry, I burst into tears over a family meal. I don’t know how the people who were there feel (and don’t have to), but I was so angry that these kinds of cruel injustices happen that the floodgates that have been building for months burst. This is unusual for me. I’m usually more detached than that. I care in as much that I wish bad things did not happen -- but if I made an emotional investment in every person I meet, in every tragedy I hear about, I would be an emotional wreck and no use to anyone.

So not feeling anything for a situation doesn’t matter -- what you DO for them or about it matters. =)

- ENFP Mod

[nicehaah]

a sook about the boy who done got me real fucked up

TW for manipulative relationships, i guess. self harm. I’m not sure about not posting this. i’m narcissistic about my social media; i’ve cultivated an online brand of fake fun. The Highlight Reel. but it’s not just about me now, its never been just about me, as i was led to believe. convincing women - not without their own burdens - to be vulnerable, trying to “fix” them to distract you from your own struggles, is perhaps the cruelest form of manipulation that i’ve ever experienced. Considering this, i wrote a thing (coherency not guaranteed).

a bit of pretext: i have anxiety and depression. it’s chill. some people have to take a couple of pills in the morning in order to face the day. some don’t. me and my doctor reckon the orthrus first whined when i was about ten. relatable memes regarding existential dread really get me going. i’ve made my peace with it relatively speaking; it’s chill.

having said that

being Mentally Unwell is shit. taking days off work when sitting up feels like it should be accompanied by a medal, supplemented by anxiety spews because you’re fixating on how your colleagues probably think you’re just lazy, probably resent you for “pulling a sicky” -convincing yourself there’s nothing wrong with you, you’re just a sook - you’re not just a sook - that’s the anxiety talking...don’t feel guilty about going off the radar,,, shit mum’s put money in my account again she must be worried. the thought of picking up the phone doing the thing,,,,, the thing where something registers in your brain as physical pain and its almost a black spot in your survey of the room —I might not be linguistically gifted enough to make you feel it, but trust me, it is shit.

it has made me more compassionate. it’s made me more and less aware of Me Me Me. the way i see it, when it comes to mental health, just because you don’t understand doesn’t mean it’s not valid. that statement sounds juvenile, but i think it’s many people’s - it’s certainly mine - innate reaction, to cry “wrong!” when faced with something you can’t quite comprehend. i don’t know what someone with PTSD goes through, or what someone with bipolar goes through, and so when someone opens up about their experience, i try my very hardest to believe and support them, even if empathising is a struggle. no one wants this.

he wielded his, and others’, mental health as a weapon. over the last 24 hours it’s come to light - through scrupulous comparing of timelines, John Tucker style - that he’s used his deteriorating mental health as an excuse to go MIA visiting other women, leaving me mid-meltdown over the ambiguity of his wellbeing. i relapsed into self-harm on this occasion. let me be clear on two counts here. the first: i am not suicidal. the cluster fuck of over thought and catastrophising thoughts in my head sometimes gets debilitating, and superficial cuts is a way to escape the hum. it is a last resort coping mechanism, one that i’m working on. the second thing to make clear is that i’m not blaming my own self-destructive tendencies on him. however being aware of these tendencies and consciously acting in a way that facilitated arguably one of my worst episodes in months, is deplorable.

Tori had a fling with him before he and I did. when i knew that our interactions were not platonic, i spoke with her about it. her story isn’t mine to tell, please bear in mind this is entirely my perspective of the situation. Tori gave her blessing, though with warning to both him and I that she knew he was manipulating me. when hashing this out with Philip, i vividly remember he said to me, “if she’s trying to poison something that’s making you happy, i’m sorry but that’s fucked;” he used Tori’s own mental health struggles as “evidence” that she was lying. he took her biggest insecurity and used it to pit her and i against each other. i believed him over her. Tori Bright 2k17: Trust Yr Gut Not Yr Guy.

i knew about Catarina throughout our relationship. she was a constant source of paranoia and self-doubt. he justified snatching his phone away from me at one point by saying that there were conversations relating to Catarina’s mental health that he didn’t think she’d like if i saw. he called her crazy and possessive. i felt crazy and possessive near the end of our “relationship” too; being being gas-lighted and mind-fucked will do that to you. i reached out to Catarina during my emotionally-devastated-and-feeling-petty phase of dealing with being dumped; her open letter is beautiful and heartbreaking and resonated with me in a nauseating manner. you can read it here: https://medium.com/@CatarinaZissou/philip-8e597c016d1d#.lj0zkucus

after Catarina posted the letter, another woman came forward with an overlapping timeline of being in a relationship with him. her experience largely echoed ours. he showed little to no remorse when i spoke to him yesterday giving him the opportunity to come clean; he was reluctant when i told him to delete all pictures he has of me and other girls. he told me that his feelings for me had diminished a while back but he thought he could “wait it out” until i got sick of him and broke it off myself.

even as I’m writing this I’m thinking shittt girl u need to chill haha have a ciggie then throw yr laptop out the window cheers!!! but na fuck that. fuck pretending to be “chill girl” (h/t Gone Girl). there is an incredible amount of pain in the wake of this raging dumpster fire and it can’t go on. i can find explanation and a certain level of compassion considering what he’s told me of his mental state; that doesn’t excuse his actions. it certainly makes his manipulation of mine and others’ mental states particularly cruel.

protect your friends from this kind of fuckery. i love mine for warning me, and mostly for loving me when i did the stupid thing anyway. me and my trust issues will be in the corner, rubbing each others’ backs, if you’re looking for us.

(also dad called me this afternoon concerned that there might be “compromising” images on his phone. i told him there was a shit tonne of compromising images but i do take a damn good nude and they’re tame enough to be aired by HBO)