#crying sobbing peeing im insane

[slibbyjibby7000]

I CAN'T CLOSE MY YAPPER

What occupies my mind the most when it comes to Hannibal, alike many others, is the things we didn't get to see. Hannibal rescuing Will from getting his pretty face swapped, for example, isn't the only thing that comes to mind. No, it's the bonding moments between the two in their little sessions! Like, I NEED TO TALK ABOUT THIS! Of course, we do see them chit-chatting about murder cases, motives, behaviors, metaphors, and yada yada yada, but we've all seen that already and appreciated it. I mean the other sessions that aren't strictly plot-relevant, sessions where they are simply bonding over their similarities and dissimilarities, a drink or two by the fireplace, and both of them understand a moment in themselves that they haven't been so intellectually stimulated like this before. Even in comfortable silence. Just those small internal moments of, "Wow, he actually understands what I'm talking about," or, "Huh, I don't think I've ever met anyone who surprises me," and, "Hell, this is actually interesting". Even those thrilling moments, however small, where there's some innocent miscommunication and they have to explain themselves to a subconsciously eager listener and realize they enjoy being heard, accepted, or challenged. I would've loved to see them being friendly-- sassy, arrogant, kind, and snappy like good friends do in seemingly insignificant instances. Bonding over agreements and disagreements; Feeling stimulated just by an interesting conversation and comfortable company. I often find myself imagining them in a scenario where they talk about the time they had shared the road with a rude lady that drove recklessly around them and threw curses and honks their way. Will and Hannibal warmly laugh and joke about the situation over excellent food, and it feels like it goes on forever. With reciprocated smiles and laughter when Will teases Hannibal about the look he gave her as she drove past and Hannibal matches that energy tenfold, and vice versa. Where they aren't a patient and doctor, killer and agent; Where they are simply two inhuman human beings-- two men-- sipping coffee, eating, and laughing.

[cressthebest]

Crimson Rivers thoughts pt. 45

chapter 68:

1. “Some of those ashes could be Marlene.” bro wtf

2. listing out the names of the people who died in war destroyed me

3. james reacting to his father’s death by flinching away from effie had me broken. i’m destroyed. unwell

4. “The worst part is, when he says what he does next, it's not even a question. "After that, you're leaving."

Sirius' eyes flutter shut, and he croaks, "Yeah, Reggie, I'm leaving again."”

SCREAMING CRYING SOBBING IM UNWELL I WILL NEVER BE OKAY AGAIN!!! I WILL NEVER BE FINE AGAIN

5. “”Sirius, I love you more than anything. You're the first person in this world I ever loved at all. Not Mother, not Father, not James; it was you.”” STILL SCREAMING STILL CRYING STILL SOBBING STILL UNWELL

6. okay just all of the stuff with the black brothers has me in tears. their bond is unbreakable and my heart is in fact very breakable. i’m shattered over them

7. dorcas hasn’t left that spot in over twenty four hours and boy am i worried for her. she needs water. she needs to go pee, i’m sure. she needs to eat something and to rest

8. “Just not afraid to die, then?

No, I'm rather used to it, actually.”

STILL SCREAMING OVER MARLENE!!! STILL SOBBING ACTUALLY

9. “"You. Even you," Dorcas declares harshly, glaring at her. "I'd rather it be you. Instead of her, I'd rather you be dead."”

WOAH! hold up!!! i love marlene as much as the next gal, but nobody goes after my girl lily. she fought and fought and fought as well. she deserved to make it to this side of war too! she tried to keep marlene alive too. hold your horses dorcas.

10. 😧 did you just shoot my lily??? MY LILY??? holy fucking shit. she’s insane.

11. “Some of that blood must have been Marlene's. Dorcas wishes she had bathed in it; Dorcas wants to turn back time and drown in it.” 😟 i’m worried

12. “Never, through any of this, did [James] imagine losing his dad.” kill me. it would be more merciful than making me live after reading that

13. “Monty loved Sirius like a father did; Sirius is allowed to mourn him as a son would.” calling my freind again while sobbing brb

14. god I don’t know how to explain it, but every time pandora is mentioned and she’s alive i let out a huge sigh of relief

15. AROACE PANDORA SUPREMACY

16. i’m so horridly upset that lily lost almost everyone. she lost her family, she lost sybil, she lost kingsley, and dorcas tried to shoot her, so i’m pretty sure she lost her too. lily tried to not love anybody because she was scared of losing them, and sure enough, she was right

17. i get upset when everyone talks about going separate ways. i want everyone to live in one big town and live right next door to each other. i’m thinking hogwarts vibes (except better, ya know) or maybe the mansion they all lived in at the start of ahb!

18. as much as it upsets me that sirius is going to be leaving james and effie and regulus, i’m genuinely so happy that sirius is going to stay with remus

19. oh. i see why sirius has to leave. it’s best for everyone to heal a little before sirius sees his james and regulus again. because otherwise they won’t be able to heal

20. i love wolfstar, and this is so emotional but like, “Just—for right now, what I need is to be with you. I want—that's what I want.” all that does is remind me of high school musical with the “ALL I WANNA DOOOO IS BEE WITH YOU! ONLY YOU! NO MATTER WHERE LIFE TAKES US, NOTHING CAN BREAK US APAAAART, YOU KNOW ITS TRUE, I JUST WANNA BE WITH YOUUUU”

21. ““I wish I did love him that way," Regulus confesses, "because it would have been easier than this. It would have been easier to define how losing him feels, but it's not. James, it's not."”

god, i ache for him. like so badly. i so badly want him to have barty back. more than any other character. (sorry to marlene and monty and sybil and literally everyone else who died)

22. “It's still been three days since the end of the war, and Regulus wonders when they'll stop measuring the passage of time that way.” 😟

23. “Doomed to be a great, big tragedy.” *eye twitch* i’m fine. *even bigger eye twitch*

24. look, i know in the future, everyone will be together again and as happy as they can ever be. but rn, i’m sad

chapter 69:

1. “"I don't care!" Aberforth shouts. "I don't give a damn about your fucked up love story with our sister's murderer, Albus! The fact that you even came to love him to begin with sickens me, let alone that you continued to after he killed Ariana, and still do to this day!"” hell yeah put him in his place

2. “The dead sister card is a little underhanded, admittedly, but Aberforth knows a thing or two about manipulation tactics. He'd have to. Albus is his older brother, after all.” LMAOOOOOO

3. lily mentioning children and sirius and remus just locking eyes and panicking was so fucking funny. bro i’m wheezing

4. BRO AND THEN REGULUS BEING LIKE “you’ve??? never thought about kids??????? wtf??? me and james are having four you little loser??????”

5. dorcas just marching in has me so fucking scared ngl

6. oh god, dorcas became the president coin in this. she wants to make a new hunger games. oh god. oh no

7. as horrifying as it was to see sirius’ train of thought, him being the first one to say no is so fucking satisfying oh my god

8. good for remus fucking standing up for lily. everyone is blaming lily, and finally remus speaks up that the blame cannot rest on lily alone

9. 😧😧 not albus suggesting the jegulus wedding to help with the aftermath. bro he’s fucking insane. it’s so hallow-like of him to suggest that oh my god

10. oh my god dorcas has gone insane, is she about to tell everyone how albus was in love with grindlewald. that’s fucking insane oh my god i can’t wait

11. oh my god it’s even better. it’s that he came up with the rule for the quarterly quell. oh my god this is gonna be great

12. 😧 holy shit. sirius just killed albus. imma be so real, i expected one person to not leave that table, and i thought it would be dorcas, not albus. i thought she would be killed

13. minerva asking lily to be a medic and help save albus, and lily just not will forever be iconic to me

14. as a punishment they banned sirius from the hallow 😭😭😭 babes they knew they had to come up with some punishment as like a way to show actions have consequences, but they chose one that sirius would love 😭😭 that’s so funny to me bro

15. alberforth finally leaving his home is a very satisfying character arch

16. “this story is, first and foremost, about siblings—primarily sirius and regulus ofc—like that is the whole point of this fic, the core of it over anything else. and that feels right considering the source material, like in thg, it was always about katniss' love for prim and how important that was over peeta or gale or anyone else. and i just. i really adore that, and hope i paid a good homage to that, because i really admire it.”

you did. you did pay homage to that. it was abundantly clear that this was about siblings. and i love you for it. thank you, if you see this

alrighty six more chapters to go! i’m in the home stretch yall

[thefandom-casserole]

Episode 45 Notes-

- THE SPAGHETTI SOUNDS 😭

- I cannot believe they did the PODCASTER as their intro that’s amazing

- I’ve seen a ton of stuff about the Taylor angst and godddd how did we skip from NORMAL to Taylor. I cannot wait

- I’ve missed opening music!!!!!! ❤️

- Chaos orbs- wtf lol

- 🪄Linc has one of the Chaos Orbs that STOP Willy (this was a bit)

- Mastermind Rogue wow Taylor

- “Taylor has the most insufferable ability I’ve ever seen” “I know that”

- RadFact: Taylor misses disguising himself as a trashcan and getting shoved on his stage

- RadFact: Linc’s bathroom regiment is taking off all of his clothes and putting on completely new clothes (they get dirty??) (germaphobe Linc) (Linc only pees at home)

- Linc doesn’t do his own laundry

- NormalFact: Normal is the founder of the SchoolYear Book club, book club that discusses the Year Book

- I just got sent messages going insane about his experience halfway through the podcast and I’m so fucking scared oh. my. god.

- RadFact: Scary’s been in science classes and has developed a favorite planet, which is Mercury, because Mercury has the longest day and night

- Venus has the longest day-

- That’s amazing

- Beth Brittaed the fact I love that

- More orbs!!! There’s Normal-orb!!

- HermieFact: (my jaw dropped I thought he forgot-) Hermie didn’t technically have a childhood because Scam thought a Teen (Freshman) was the funniest time for a kid to become living (he has fake childhood memories)

- He didn’t miss them awww

- TERRY JR VS GLENN

- IM SO EXCITED AHHHHH

- TERRY JR. TRUED TO KILL MICK OH. MY. GOD.

- Terry Jr. WANTS TO BE BANISHED FORVER OH NO THATS SO SAD

- The awkward fighting sounds 😭

- The Kiddads are all so sad

- NO TERRY STARTS CRYING

- “I deserve this. I tried to kill your son. I’m a bad person” “you’re not a bad person! Come here my sweet baby boy!”

- RON AND TERRY OH MY GOD

- Normal was asleep… sure…

- WAY too defensive to have just been asleep

- Normal is NOT crying 🚫❌🙅🏼 no way

- What do you do when your arm itches. You cut it off

- Terry Jr. he can. He cut it off.

- Terry’s memory!!!!

- “I love you so much!!”

- Ron’s getting a haircut???? How…? (Jk jk)

- “You become the person you choose to be around!”

- Oooh they don’t even use hell… they ruin the friendship for nothing

- “I’m a prosniper…”

- “You lied to me kiddo…”

- No…

- “I don’t think you’ve been someone you’d choose to be around lately” AHHHH

- Dude. Scary and her bio dad.

- Terry coming to Scary’s soccer games meant a lot… I’m going to sob… a good day for Scary kinnies

- Oooh bonus points for Scary’s memory slay

- Glenn’s hesitance at the “…he asked me… to kill him…”

- Welllll Nick’s not technically your son buddy boy 💔

- “Do you wanna hit him?” “Kinda” that was unnecessarily funny

- The new Glenn voice I’m crying 😭

- THE CLOSE/FOSTER/SWIFT MEMORY!!!

- “YOU MUST HAVE TONS OF MEMORIES WITH THIS CHAP”Except he didn’t live any of them

- Oh my god. Is that what happens. I’m going to explode omg

- PLEASE say they play off of the Jodie Glenn timeline shit

- I’m going to explode rn

- This is such a good episode oh my goodness

- No… absentee… father Glenn…

- Taylor was born crying like a baby

- Baby Taylor noises oh my god I love you Freddie

- Glenn is such a piece of shit holy cow

- Where did all of his character development go 😭

- “Jodie’s been here like. 3 times” I get that this is about Taylor and Nick but. Man that sucks for Hermie

- “Dang I’m not really sure I like that guy…”

- NO THE PARALLELS OF THE ABSENTEE PARENTS

- “We’re cool now” “absolutely- well-“

- TAYLOR ANGST TAYLOR ANGST IM SO EXCITED

- Taylor wants Nick to go back and time and be there for him

- Oh my god

- Oh. My. God.

- Time traveling must be a metaphor for something but I cannot physically think

- All the. All the training stuff not being about training.

- YESSSSS THIS IS HOW TO ADD ANGST WITHOUT BEING OOC

- AHHHHHHHH

- “Dad… I didn’t even know where you were…”

- No… Nick you’re ruining this… oh no… you’re gonna give Taylor such a bad idea

- TAYLOR’S MEMORY OH MY GODDDDDDD

- Mama’s boy Taylor!!!

- The boy who Taylor surpassed has a dad…

- This is so sad. I feel so bad for Taylor this is so sad oh my god oh my god

- Awwww Glenn’s got some depth!!!!!!!!

- He admits being a shitty dad!!!!

- He wants to restart everything…

- Disney

- “There is no fixing this”

- The US military… omg

- Like in the Guy Who Doesn’t Like Musicals

- OMG OMG GOING INSANE

- AGENT SHMEGAN WTF

- Nooooo Linc got them into this…

- JODIE MORGAN ARE ALL IN HANDCUFFS

- Jodie’s letting them know to get Taylor and Nick out

- Why should Normal be the king of Hell…

- NORMAL AND TAYLOR ARE GOING TO FIGHT

- SECOND EPISODE

- OMG

- OMG

- OMG

- O. M. G.

- ONLY oNE OF THEM LEAVES ALIVE

- THIS FUCKING EPSIODE

- How did it go from the spaghetti to this

[andysfavoriteflowersareroses]

im going to be a sobbing weeping screaming crying vomiting peeing shitting grieving mourning bawling nauseous miserable manic insane psychotic rabid crazed unhinged disgusted full of fury depressed bitter repulsed shrieking ghastly sick displeasing godawful person to the world if ao3 doesn't come back on

[dontshootmespence]

Through It All

Part 30

Summary: Now married, Spencer & Y/N navigate the D/s lifestyle. How will their relationship change?

Words: 1,013

Warnings: BABY TIME! That shit is hard.

A/N: Just fluffy stuffs, my friends.

Morgan Diana Reid and Blake Xing Reid enter the world at 7:37 and 7:41 AM respectively. Morgan is five and a half pounds exactly and 18 inches long. Blake is 18 inches and clocks in at just over five pounds. They’re beautiful. Perfect. They have Ai’s full head of hair and Kyle’s nose and mouth.  

Ai is a champion. She had them both naturally (though you still contend there’s nothing natural about a bowling ball popping out of a vagina). Shortly after they were born, she passed out from exhaustion and slept for nearly 13 hours, which meant you and Spencer were thrown into the fire right from the frying pan. Honestly, it all goes by too fast to truly enjoy, but you know you’ll remember those little moments, just watching as Morgan opens her eyes or Blake moves his fingers.

Before you leave the hospital with them after about five days, you allow Ai time alone with them. It breaks your heart to hear her sobbing on the other side of the door.  “Mommy and Daddy couldn’t give you the life you deserve right now, but we’ll always love you.” When you hear that you stifle a choked sob into Spencer’s chest and subsequently promise Ai and Kyle that they’ll always have a place in your family.

And then the insanity begins.

You thought it was hard with Charlotte.

Now there’s two.

TWO.

And Charlotte.

Sleep is non-existent. Maybe an hour at a time at the most. You cry about as often as Morgan and Blake do, which is a whole hell of a lot. Even Spencer breaks every now and then. But they grow so fast. Almost too fast if you’re being honest. Their cheeks get chubbier. They move more. Limbs flying as fast as a cheetah despite being about 30 times as helpless.

Sex? Even more non-existent than sleep.

It’s harder because everything is doubled, but you also have more of an inkling when things go wrong, when they’re sick, when things need to be done. Instead of wondering what each kind of sound means, you know, and you can react accordingly, so you don’t feel as much of a fish out of water as you did last time.

Right now, your fun entails sitting still on the couch with one of the babies on your chest while Spencer sits beside you with the other. Charlotte is taking one of her now rare naps at Spencer’s side. Both of you have to pee but Charlotte, Morgan and Blake are all content and it feels like you’re playing with fire if you dare to move.

Charlotte is the most amazing big sister. She insists they be included in reading time, so when their crying allows, you bring them into Charlotte’s room for storytime at night. She’s even tried to help you change a diaper but ran away when she realized it was stinky. And man are they stinky. Newborn poop is something else. Otherworldly.

During the first three weeks, you shower about five times in total. Your legs are hair as hell. Shaving takes too much time. And even though your weight is pretty stable, you still feel gross. Hygiene takes time and you don’t have it until about a month after they come home.

You’ve managed to get them on a similar schedule so they wake up and go to sleep within a few minutes of each other. Thank the gods Spencer did some research on how to sync up their schedules before they were born otherwise you’d be fucked.

Once they’re down for the night and Charlotte’s been read to (she’s very obsessed with the one about the two princesses that fall in love right now), you sink into bed beside the man you love. “I think we’ve got about two hours before they wake up again,” you say, mouth stretching out into a yawn. “Talk to me before we fall asleep. I feel like we haven’t spoken in 10 years.”

Chuckling, Spencer rubs his hand up and down your arm. “We haven’t even known each other ten years.”

“Feels like forever.”

“Yea, it does,” He sighs happily. “What do you want to talk about?”

“Anything. Just talk to me. Give me stats.”

He pulls you into his lap and combs his hand through your hair. “Luckily, that’s my specialty. Okay, so listen to this-” Even through he can barely keep his eyes open you can hear the excitement in his voice. “Women with a higher body mass index are more likely to conceive twins. Obviously Ai is one of the exceptions. Anyway, higher body fat levels mean higher levels of estrogen which can cause the ovaries to release more than one egg at a time.

“Is that why it’s so hard for women to lose weight too?” You ask, annoyance tinging your sleep-deprived voice. “Like our bodies are holding on to fat because baby making?”

“Exactly. It’s bullshit, I know.”

He continues on, saying something about twins creating their own language, which you hope happens because that would be fascinating to watch. And then he talks about how twins can actually have different fathers, though it’s rare. You want to keep listening, but you drift off to sleep in his arms, only for you both to be rudely awakened by your screeching twins two hours later.

---

A week passes and Charlotte’s terrible twos get a little worse, but you and Spencer realize quickly that it's because she hasn’t been getting enough attention, so you actively try to remedy that.

While Spencer is taking care of the babies’ feeding, you play with Charlotte. She’s getting into playing pretend now, so she’s using two dolls to reenact her two princesses book. You’re merely an audience member, but Charlotte needs to tell the story. As the days go by, you make sure one of you is taking care of the babies while the other handles Charlotte. Again, it feels like you and Spencer don’t speak for ages.

But you got through it once before, right?

It’ll just take time.

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