#daily reminder that: lea ^

[beantothemax]

hello crosscode tumblr. get jolly

[oldbutchdanielcraig]

maybe i'm crazy but why are each and every one of the lea michele funny girl songs 100x times better in the glee cast recording than they are in her literal broadway cast recording. me when i peaked in high school 🤣🤣🤣

[changetyre]

Broken ⒾⓈⓌ

SUMMARY: You and Max are having trouble trying to grow your family and your daughters are affected by it. Part of the Verstappen Family Verse

WARNINGS: Angst, miscommunication, pregnancy issues, a smidge of smut at the end.

A/N: This was requested over on Wattpad. Despite the angst, this is one of my favorite parts of this series.

Max stretched out, his back feeling painful after carrying all the presents he'd bought up from the parking lot before stashing them in a high cupboard in the house where he was sure nobody would look. It was late and he'd spent most of the day out looking for gifts, although truly it was also an excuse to get some space since the environment at home wasn't the best right now. 

The house was quiet when he arrived, a good indicator the girls were already asleep in their room and you as well probably. Although only a few months ago there wouldn't be a day you wouldn't wait for Max before going to bed, physically unable to go to sleep without hearing his voice but lately things had changed and you and Max often went to bed without exchanging any words at all. 

Once he finally made his way to your bedroom he wasn't surprised to find you were in fact asleep, clothes scattered around the room which you also hadn't bothered to clean up. Max sighed, he was tired having not really had a day of relaxation since the season ended despite imagining he'd spend his winter holidays differently, that things would somehow get better. 

He proceeded to pick up the room a little bit making it a little more presentable before taking a quick shower and joining you in bed. While his skin screamed to feel yours Max didn't feel comfortable enough to do so anymore, not knowing how you'd react to him placing an arm around you like he had done every night since you'd gotten together..until a few months ago. 

The next morning Max woke up to find you'd woken up but stayed laying there simply staring up at the ceiling, he knew your mind was spiraling but truly didn't want to ask anymore knowing you'd shut him out.  

"Hey," Max asked. His voice almost felt too loud for the silence. 

"Hi." Your voice was barely above a whisper, the sound almost strange to him not used to hearing it often anymore. 

"How d'you sleep?" Max asked. 

"I'm gonna go make breakfast for the girls." you ignored his question avoiding eye contact as you left the room leaving no more space for conversation. 

Once Max got himself ready for the day he went out to join you for breakfast finding you'd already eaten and were in the process of washing the dishes. He'd be lying if he said this didn't hurt him but held back from saying anything not wanting to start an argument. 

The rest of the day was mostly spent in silence apart from the laughter and ruckus from your children there were no words exchanged between you and Max. At some point, Max left the house once more wanting space. 

"Mama," Ivy called you as you played with both your daughters in the balcony. 

"Yeah, baby." Your daughters naturally made you smile, probably the only time you showed any sort of emotion lately. 

"Do you and Papa not love each other anymore?" She asked. 

Your heart skipped a beat, the immediate urge to cry reaching your throat and you only hoped your eyes gave no indication to the sudden burst of emotion. You noticed the way Lea's smile also dropped at the question, her attention ready to hear your answer. 

"Uhm, of course we do baby why would you think that?" You asked hoping your shaky voice didn't worry your daughters. 

"Papa doesn't blink at you anymore...like dis mama." Ivy showed you by blinking her eyes hard three times just like her father used to do to you almost daily before. 

The reminder of this almost broke you, you began picking up the girl's toys making sure they weren't able to see your face properly as you began crying. "You don't have to worry girls, everythings okay with Papa and me." You lied to your daughters, and it was evident by the weakness of your voice but you weren't sure what else to say. 

"Mama, are you okay?" Lea asked this time, her voice filled with concern, she was growing up, she of course noticed things, possibly understood things a little more than her sister and you knew you were hurting her, hurting them both and thought of this killed you inside. 

"I'm fine Lea, why don't you take your sister to your room and watch a movie, I'm gonna shower." You tried your best to force a smile wiping your eyes with the back of your hand before facing your older daughter. 

Lea simply nodded not wanting to cause you more distress before taking Ivy's hand and guiding her away. Once they were gone you let yourself cry it out. 

Trying and failing to conceive another child had been more emotionally draining than you had ever imagined it would be. You and Max had tried, tried, and tired to the point making love to him wasn't exciting anymore, it was frustrating, full of desperation, and so eventually, you stopped. You stopped trying, stopped connecting, stopped loving.  

Silence seemed like the easiest solution, not willing to face the reality of it all. Drowning in your own thoughts was exhausting but it seemed like the better option since potentially hearing the way you let down your partner, your family was worse. 

But it was obvious now, it was obvious how much this was already hurting your family so you had to toughen up now, muster enough strength to talk to Max, talk to your husband, and face whatever was next for you, whether good or bad it had to better than letting your daughters see the way things were falling apart between you. 

___________

Max once again came home to silence, he could hear the TV on in the girl's room and he didn't want to go to his room so instead decided to try to wrap up the presents in secret while he had the time. 

Max was semi-successful, his daughters had walked out of their room and been insistent on wanting to know what Max was doing despite him telling them several times to go back to their rooms and his patience was wearing thin. 

He was only able to get them to stay in their rooms after promising them a play date with their uncle Lando on the weekend if they behaved. Finally knowing they would stay in their rooms Max took the time to try to hide the gifts again so he could put them under the tree by the end of the month. 

He'd headed to the bathroom and when he came back anger and frustration flooded him at seeing Lea helping Ivy up to the counter to try to open the cupboard where he'd stashed the gifts. 

"LEA!" Max yelled letting his emotions control him for the first time with his daughters. 

Lea and Ivy both gasped and Max ran to catch Ivy who almost slipped off the counter trying to get down quickly. 

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING! WERE YOU EVEN THINKING!? YOUR SISTER COULD'VE GOTTEN HURT!" Max yelled at his older daughter. 

You heard the commotion from the room running out to check on the situation. "I WANT YOU BOTH IN YOUR ROOMS, NO TV, NO GAMES, GO STRAIGHT TO BED!" Max continued yelling. 

Both Ivy and Lea were in tears at seeing their dad so angry for the first time in their lives, running straight to their rooms. 

"Max calm down." Your heart broke, you knew Max was never like this with your daughters and it scared you to see this side of him come out, feeling partly guilty for it. 

"Oh wow...so now you decide to talk to me." Max scoffed pushing past you and into your room. 

Your heart broke at the action, but he was right. You knew he needed time to cool off so you headed to your daughter's room to check on them. 

Opening the door you had to try to hold back your own tears at the sight. Lea held Ivy in her arms as they both sobbed. You couldn't say anything to afraid to burst into tears so instead sat by your daughter's bed and hugged them both. 

"I-I-I'm so-so-sorry-ma-ma." Lea hiccuped not being able to catch her own breath at how much she cried. 

This time you felt a few tears run down your cheeks. "Hey baby it's okay." You took her face in your hands trying to soothe her. "Lea honey it's okay." You blew gently on your daughter's face trying to calm her down. 

"Pa-pa's- ang-angr-angry." she continued hiccuping. 

"I know darling he shouldn't have yelled like that baby. He loves you so much, we both do." You reminded her kissing her forehead. 

Eventually, Ivy had fallen asleep crying on her sister's lap so you picked her up and moved her to her bed tucking her in. You then went back to your older daughter who was having a little bit of a harder time settling down. 

"Lea listen sometimes people get angry at other things and they feel so angry for a long time that when something else happens they just blow up and scream." You tried your best to explain to your daughter. 

"Like papa?" She asked. 

"Yeah like Papa Baby, Papa's feeling a lot of things because of something else and unfortunately he just took it out on you." You revealed. 

Little did you know Max was listening from outside, after cooling off a little he felt bad and meant to go apologize to his daughters but stopped once he heard you inside with them. 

"But why?" Lea asked. "Why is papa angry mama?" Lea was almost 6, you knew she was starting to get a better grasp of things and you also knew being honest with her would be the best thing for her right now so after thinking about it for a few seconds you decided to just be honest with her. 

"Do you remember on Ivy's 2nd birthday when she wished for a brother?" You asked your daughter. 

"Yeah," Lea replied moving her head to look up at you. 

"Well your Papa and I after that, after talking a lot tried to make another baby..."Your voice broke. 

Max's heart broke at hearing you struggle to speak. 

"Well, we tried for a long time and Mama just couldn't get another baby in her tummy which made both Mama and Papa really really sad." You revealed. 

"Why won't the baby go in your tummy mama?" Lea asked innocently, reaching for her little hand to wipe some tears off your cheek. 

"I don't know baby, maybe mommy's broken." You were full-on crying but you could see your daughter's understanding eyes at the situation. 

"Is that why Papa doesn't say I love you with his eyes anymore?" Lea asked again, oblivious to the impact her question had on her parents. Max fell to his knees outside the room distraught at the guilt he could hear in your voice, and about the fact that his daughters and possibly you thought he didn't love you anymore. 

"I don't know honey...maybe. It's not easy when you want something really really bad and you just can't get it so it can make you feel a lot of things, mommy feels like it's her fault that the baby doesn't want to go in her tummy." You tried to finish explaining. 

"I'm sorry Mama." Lea apologized once more. "But even if you are broken mama I'll still love you the same, I'll even say it with my eyes if you want." Lea smiled imitating her dad by blinking her eyes I love you just like her dad used to do. 

This time your tears were of gratitude at feeling the love your daughter had for you, the simplicity with which her mind understood the situation and tried to make you feel better. "Thank you, baby." You hugged your daughter placing kisses on her cheek. 

Lea settled enough, feeling a little better at understanding why things had been a little weird at home lately. You watched her fall asleep. You took a deep breath ready to have a difficult conversation with your husband praying it might go a little similar to the conversation you had with your daughter. 

You walked out of their room and were surprised to find Max sitting outside, his back to the wall with his face in his hands. You could tell he'd been crying from the wet spots on his shirt and trousers. 

"Maxy." You fell to your knees beside him. 

Max pulled his hands away as you both wrapped your arms around each other at the same time. You both started crying in each other's arms, Max holding you tightly against him. 

"You're not broken, I never thought so either I just wanted you to talk to me." He whispered. "I love you so much and I'm sorry I ever let you doubt it, and I'm sorry for screaming at Ivy and Lea, I'm just- I'm so sorry for everything" Max cried tucking his face in the crook of your neck.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry I felt so useless and frustrated I couldn't get pregnant. I know how long you've been trying to hold it together for us, for all of us and I shouldn't have ever let you carry all of it on your own. I'm sorry too for everything."  You also apologized. "I love you, Max, I don't think I'll ever be able to stop loving you I just wanted to give us another baby." 

"I know." Max sighed pulling back and wiping tears from under your eyes with his thumbs. "Look I would love to have another baby with you, I'd have a 100 if it was with you but I'm so enamored by the family you've given me already, our girls...they're the best thing that have ever happened to me and if trying to have another baby is gonna cost us...us...than I don't want it." Max was honest. 

You nodded agreeing with his words. 

"It doesn't mean we stop trying, we can if that's what you want but I just want you back first, I need us to be okay before trying again okay?" He asked you. 

"Yeah." You agreed once more. 

Max rested his forehead against yours. You heard him take a deep breath. "God I missed you." he sighed before leaning down to place his lips against yours. 

You kissed him back harshly almost desperate to taste him again mentally questioning yourself how you were able to survive without this for as long as you did. "I love you," you whispered as you momentarily pulled away to catch your breath. 

But Max kept kissing you not wanting for this to stop, as if his body was trying to catch up on all the time he spent without your touch. "I love you." He whispered back scooping you into his lap, your legs wrapping around him as he stood up with you in his arms before taking you to your bedroom. 

Laying you down on your shared bed it once again felt right, being shared with him. Max was quick to get you naked, teasing you as he prepared you for him.

"I adore you." He whispered as he slipped into you. You'd be okay.

[parab0mb]

I only say "Lea".

(guy who runs a daily account voice) i forgot to post the last few days. But I drew lea fishing. Because she deserves it

[lovebyhyun]

just friends?

genre : angst (happy ending), fluff, idol bsf!hyunjin x f!reader

synopsis : you’ve been in love with your best friend for years, but you’re still trying to figure out if the feelings are mutual.

warnings : swearing, jealousy, if i missed something lmk !

a/n : writing angst is way more fun that it should be so i hope yall enjoy it ! ⸜( ' ᵕ ' )⸝♡

masterlist

Being the best friend of a worldwide known and loved idol was not exactly easy. It was torture, in fact. Especially if you were a girl. More than that, a girl who was helplessly in love with him.

Hyunjin had his own way of charming everyone within a 100 meter radius of him and it be drove you fucking crazy.

It was daily life for him to be surrounded by female staff and women who worked for JYPE, but something about it always made you feel uneasy.

Before, you tried to ignore it. But now, after you realized how badly you wanted Hyunjin, you stopped rejecting the feelings. You let yourself be jealous, and you let yourself love him. A little too much for your own good.

Harsh reality hit you everytime you saw him with another girl. Whether she was his coworker or a random bimbo he flirted with at a party, it reminded you that you weren’t a married couple with 3 children. He was your friend. And that’s what you also were to him. Just a friend.

Hyunjin was very much oblivious to your feelings. So oblivious, he invited you everywhere he possibly could. Sometimes you even were in the studio while him and his other members were making their music.

But today, you were with him while he was getting ready for one of his shows on tour. It was close to your hometown, so he asked staff to give you a backstage pass.

At first, everything was normal and calm. Chatter and laughter filled the room where you, Hyunjin, the other members and a few staff were.

There were still a few hours left before the show started, so everyone was mainly chilling and nobody was in a rush. It was nice to finally spend some time with all of the boys in peace.

Time passed quickly, and everyone started getting ready to go on stage. The makeup artists walked into the room and set their stuff down, getting ready to work.

You sat on the couch, scrolling through your instagram feed, trying to ignore the cute girl doing Hyunjin’s makeup. You attempted to convince yourself that they’re both professionals and wouldn’t get into a workplace romance, but you still felt that unpleasant shiver creeping down your neck at the sight if him laughing with another girl.

And you couldn’t help it anymore. Tears started swelling in your eyes as you tried to keep yourself as composed as possible. Nothing was quite working. You rushed yourself to the bathroom, silently hoping that Hyunjin actually would notice your absence.

You locked yourself in one of the stalls, trying to keep your sobs as faint you could. And you waited. You didn’t know what exactly for. Maybe for Chan to come looking for you and asking if you’re here, maybe for staff to ask if you’re fine, but mostly you were hoping for your best friend to come in.

It couldn’t matter less if he was coming in to piss or to look for you, you just wanted to feel him. You wanted to feel his presence. Because after all, it was all you ever dreamed of. To wake up with him by your side, to share every moment of your life with him.

You wanted to laugh with him, to cry with him, make love to him, to fight with him just for one of you to admit that the other was right and apologize, you wanted all of Hyunjin to yourself.

And yet, here you were. Alone in a fucking bathroom. Nobody came. Not Chan, not staff and not Hyunjin.

“Such a crybaby and for what.” - you thought to yourself, more like a statement rather than a question, as you unlocked the door, walking out the stall to get blinded by the bright lights of the venue’s restroom as if you weren’t grounded enough already.

You came up to the sink, to wash your hands, to fix your hair, in general at least try to look pretty even though you knew you were slowky crumbling on the inside. Not slowly actually. You were falling apart.

You straighten out your clothes swiftly while you make your way back to the room where everyone was, and when you enter, Hyunjin flashes you a soft, genuine smile. It literally takes everything and more in you to not completely crash out right then and there.

The show was about to start in just 20 minutes, and as everyone was in the chaos of preparing to perform, you were finally left alone with Hyunjin who was all ready to go and do his very best on stage.

“Crazy day today isn’t it? Everyone is such a mess. I bet Chan is losing his mind.” - Hyunjin says with a grin on his face, trying to make small talk since something was obviously off with you.

And oh my god. He was so effortlessly beautiful and graceful in everything he did. It felt like the boy could pick his nose and he would still look like Michelangelo’s sculpture.

“Yeah, but I’m sure you’ll do great anyway.” - you reply quietly with a smile that didn’t quite reach your eyes. You were avoiding his gaze as much as you could, because you knew that the second your eyes would lock, you would absolutely be ruined.

“Me, yes. those other idiots, we will see.” - he teasingly says, but the second he notices you not giggling at his remark, immediate worry flushes over him.

“Y/n, what’s the deal with you lately? I feel like you’ve been trying to distance yourself from me, and i can’t figure out why. Please, talk to me. You’re my best friend, I truly don’t want to lose you.” he adds after a second of thinking.

The pure honesty makes you freeze for a second. Not because of the way he was confronting you, it’s because it was true. You were isolating yourself from Hyunjin in hopes that would make your feelings go away. Newsflash: it didn’t.

As you finally gather uo the courage to look at him, it’s like you are hypnotised by him into telling the truth.

“That’s the thing Hyunjin. You’re my best friend. And I just can’t keep pretending I’m cool with that.”

You notice his gaze softening, but you see no hint understanding in his eyes. His face is one of pure confusion.

“Don’t you get it? I’m in love with you! Are you seriously that oblivious Hyunjin? Do you know how much it hurts me that we’re under the constant label of ‘just friends’?”

You knew your wirds might have been a little harsh, but it was too late to turn back now. It was either this, or running out of the room, crying and hoping you get hit by a golf cart on your way out.

His lips part, but he doesn’t speak. The phrase hit him like a train. I’m in love with you. Your voice echoing through his head in an endless loop. But he didn’t mind. He liked the way the words rolled of your tongue. Especially since you were speaking to him.

He just didn’t know how to tell you that.

“Y/n, I-“

His voice getting cut off by a loud yell coming from the leader of the group.

“OKAY EVERYONE, GATHER HERE. BEFORE SHOW MOTIVATION STARTS NOW!”

“Y/n, I promise I’ll talk to you after the show. I have to go.”

In that moment you felt like you’re about to explode. You just confessed your years long live for him and this is how he responds? Unacceptable. You could almost physically feel your blood starting to boil

“Hyunjin, are you seriou-”

Before you can finish your anger outburst caused sentece, his lips crash over yours in a deep, passionate but desperate kiss. And that’s all you needed to know that his feelings were there too. All along.

After a little, he pulls away slightly with his hands still cupping your soft face. He doesn’t say anything, he doesn’t need to. The silence speaks enough and it was all you wanted.

After a few more yells from Chan, Hyunjin blesses your plump, slightly swollen lips with a quick peck, whispering the three words you were so desperately longing to hear.

“I love you too, y/n.”

And he runs to his group, for a few final encouragement words before kicking off the stage. You knew this show was going to be good.

[kydrogendragon]

Sad Dads, please, for the wip game

Sad Dad!! I really liked this au and had this typed out about it, but never got to making into a true fic form, but I want to one of these days!!

Okay, so this was a Human!Au I had in mind. We've got freshly divorced Dream who's still getting used to not having Orpheus in his life on the daily and dealing with arranging schedules between him and Calliope and overall, having a not so great time.

Then, we've got Widowed Hob with young Robyn who loves the beach more than anything in the world. Except, apparently, the chance to go to Disney World with his cousins.

Hob still has work to do when they're planning to leave, so he leaves Robyn to have fun with his family and insists that he calls every day since it'll be the first overseas trip he's taken without Hob. (Yes, he's still with family, so Hob knows he'll be fine, but he worries!)

Hob, meanwhile, decides to treat himself with a trip of his own. So he rents out a spot along the coast and plans to make some progress on his research publication with the sound of the waves.

When he arrives to the little cottage far removed from society, however, he finds a car already parked there. Said car belongs to none other than Dream.

It's late in the evening and the weather's coming down hard. Driving back out with such little light on the precarious cliff roads it took to get here would be ill-advised, so Dream, not wanting this man to die on the roads just because he wanted privacy, tells him to stay the night and they'll resolve this all in the morning.

Well, the downside to this house is, of course, there's only one bedroom. Neither looked for a place with more than one bed when it was just supposed to be them, after all. The couch is... well, it's not very large to say the least and the springs inside it are guaranteed back killers, no matter your age.

The two stay up for a while though. There's a fire going which is nice. Dream has already gone through half a bottle of wine by himself, Hob helps him finish it. Dream, deep into his cup, spills his life story onto the strange man who will be gone come morning.

Hob, in return, shares his own. He shares the fears he has of raising Robyn without El, of messing it all up. He shares the fear he has over this trip which should be a fun thing for his boy, but he's so worried that something will take him from Hob, just like it took away El and he'll be too far away to do anything to help it.

They talk and cry and drink and then talk some more.

It's late, the rain has just started to calm down, the fire is at a gentle crackle - mostly embers at this point - when Dream leans forward and presses his lips to Hob's. Hob is not a strong man. Especially when being kissed by such a gorgeous creature. The wine doesn't help. And it's been so long since he's been kissed or touched or anything. So he gives in.

And the two stumble to the shared bedroom and fumble their way through drunken hand-jobs and if they each have another cry about it about intimacy after going so long without it, that's between them.

In the morning, Hob's awake before Dream and works on making breakfast with the meager rations the cottage has on hand. Mainly beans and toast with eggs. Better than nothing. And good for the headache he's nursing.

When Dream comes out, he's prepared to make apologies but Hob cuts him off, saying he thinks they both needed that. A good cry, a good chuck of alcohol, and a reminder that they're not unlovable.

"Perhaps," Dream replies, thanking him for the plate of food. And so they talk more about their lives, about the mundanity of it now that they know the tragedy of each other. And if after breakfast, they put off calling the rental company a bit longer, neither of them mention it. And, if by lunch (once the headaches have started to fade and they've each showered and dressed), they decide to go explore the beach some, together, neither disagrees.

And if, perhaps, after their five days are over, and Hob has to leave first, they exchange numbers (and maybe a chaste kiss), they'll simply smile and know that maybe it's not the end of everything.

[emberfrostlovesloki]

A Warm Bath [Hotch x Reader]

Photo credits: Left (@cozyreadings) Center (@weleavetomorrow) Right (@milla984)

Prompt: Aaron is having negative thoughts about his body and aging. The case the team faces puts Hotch’s physical ability on the line, as he attempts to save the BAU-reader from a violent fate. 

Pairing: [established relationship] Aaron x gender-neutral reader. The reader uses They/them pronouns. 

Category: Angst/comfort 

Word Count: 16K 

Content Warnings: Body image issues [mostly related to aging (Hotch)], brief mention of food and diet, mention of 2000s celebrity tabloids, multiple deaths [via dogs eating them], victim’s body parts are mentioned, animal cruelty [some dogs are described as living in bad conditions and being mistreated]. Animal death [dogs (not explicitly shown or described, but implied], a good bit of swearing and language, Hotch and the reader are naked in front of each other [no smut], and slight drinking.  

A/N: Hi loves! I’m back with another long, angsty fic. This was written for my love Rome (@criminalskies) from my December prompt list (linked) #28: Character A hears Character B sing for the first time. This was supposed to be short and sweet, and like most of my writing, it got a bit away from me, but in a way that I like. I will say I think this is a bit darker than some of my writing given the means of death, but I hope I handled it and the animal issues okay. If you know me, you know I love some insecure Hotch plus lots of angst, and I hope you find that here. Once more, thank you Rome for being my friend. ILY. If you like this story, likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated. I hope ya’ll have a great rest of the week. - Love Levi ❤️

P.S. There is a mention that the reader’s favorite song is Hozier’s “Unknown / Nth” If this is not your favorite song, feel free to substitute your own! 

List with all stories 

_y/n_ = your name 

_y/l/n_ = your last name

_y/f/c_ = your favorite candle 

Aaron stood in front of the full-length mirror in his bedroom. The mirror was half-steamed from the warm air and moisture seeping from the bathroom. The white towel draped over his hips sat in a way that did not reveal anything inappropriate. Those areas and his legs were not the spots on his body that bothered him. Those areas didn’t bother _y/n_ either. Not that any part of his body bothered _y/n_. When they were bare to each other, _y/n_ seemed to worship him in a manner that Aaron didn’t feel he deserved. Where these insecurities had arisen from. He was unsure or unwilling to explore. But he couldn’t stop judging his body as hard as he tried. He knew he had little time before _y/n_ would come back from the store. They had just gone on a small grocery run. The winter weather called for some soup and toasted sourdough, but Hotch had been woefully short in the bread department. Probably because he hadn’t bought it in weeks. He was trying to add more protein to his meals. Because it was December and flurries fell on the ground almost every day, Aaron’s daily runs had been cut, almost completely, out of his schedule. His body ached too much in the cold. His knees and back gave small pops of protest, and his chest was particularly sensitive around the scars left by Foyett. That attack had been over a year ago, but the pain lingered and reminded him of how weak he had been that day. How he’d been off his feet for weeks. He hadn’t liked his body after that spell either. Of course, he could always go to the Quanitco gym, but most of the men there were more built like Derek. Pumping iron in some unspoken competition of who could look better in a tank, shorts, and being sweaty. Even if Hotch could zone out while he did his workout, he just felt like he didn’t belong in that space anymore. ‘This is so stupid, Aaron, and you know it,’ his internal critic droned out. Hotch tried to still the voice and ran a hand over his stomach. He could still feel his muscles under the slight layer of fat, tissue, and skin. ‘At least you have that,’ the voice continued. Aaron pulled his hand away as if he was burned by his own body. Aaron had planned to move to his dresser and cover the body that was bothering him so much, but his face, cast in the soft glow of his lamps caught his attention as well. Hotch moved closer to the mirror. The bags under his eyes, crow's feet, and the small, grey hairs that peppered his dark locks seemed to bother him as much as the rest of his body. 

Aaron wasn’t dumb, far from it, but as he looked at his reflection, he couldn’t help but judge how age had changed not only his body but his face as well. Aaron hadn’t expected to age like a celebrity or anything; his work ensured that his body was worn down weekly, and the stress of the job did nothing for his frown lines. He knew late middle age would catch up with him one day, but he hadn’t expected it to be like this. The aches and pains, the look of wariness that haunted him. His reflection only mocked him. Reminded him that he wasn’t young anymore. His intrusive thoughts got louder: so loud that he didn’t notice when _y/n_ entered the room; cheeks flushed from the cold they had been in just a minute ago. _y/n_ was going to give a cheery, “I’m back!” But stopped in their tracks as they saw Aaron absorbed by the mirror. This wasn’t the first time they had seen him like this. Hotch tried to hide it in the morning when he showered, and _y/n_ brushed their teeth in the sink. They could see his eyes dart to the mirror for a second and then away like he was assessing himself negatively. They didn’t know when this had begun, but _y/n_ caught him doing it more and more recently. _y/n_ knew they would have to say something soon. Whatever was going on didn’t seem good for Aaron’s mental health. Realizing that now might be as good a time as any to breach the subject, _y/n_ cleared their throat and said, “See anything interesting over there, mister?” Of course, to _y/n_, Aaron clad in a towel was the same as looking at a statue of a Greek god, and him without a towel -- well, that could be blinding, but it seemed that Aaron was less than pleased with himself, and _y/n_ sought to understand why. Aaron’s eyes snapped to the side, realizing he’d been caught body-checking. Hotch turned and faked a half smile and said, “Hey, love. I felt something in my eye. I was trying to see it before I tried to wash it out in the sink.” The lie was so half-assed that Hotch wouldn’t have believed it. And _y/n_ was far too perceptive a partner and profiler to be taken in by a white lie. Aaron wasn’t even sure why he had lied. He assumed it was because it was embarrassing. He felt like a teenager looking at the cover of Stars where Miley Cyrus, or Brintey Spears, or Ann Hathoway’s heroine chic figures were splashed on the front page with the headline “Starlet gains pounds - Fan wonder where X fell off the wagon?” And below that would be the advert for a page about dieting or exercise. It was all too shameful to admit to something like that to _y/n_. _y/n_ matched his lie by stating, “Come here. Let me see if I can see what’s in your eye.” Aaron hesitated and stumbled through the response with, “Well, well I… I think it’s gone now, _y/n_. I’ll be okay. Just need to get some clothes on. Did you find the bread you wanted at the store?” He spoke quick as if he were trying to cover up some secret. _y/n_ tilted their head and raised a brow. In as gentle a voice that was also pseudo-commanding, they said, “Come sit with me on the bed for a second, Aaron.” 

Aaron listened to _y/n_, especially when they used that tone that was half-concerned and half-wary. Wary not for themself, but for him. It was rarely employed, but when _y/n_ did use it, he listened. He padded over to the side of the bed with _y/n_, and they both sat down. _y/n_ looked into his dark brown eyes. _y/n_ knew if they saw them in the light, they were tinted hazel. But that wasn’t what this was about. _y/n_ looked from him to the mirror and said, “That thing isn’t doing you any favors, Aaron. A reflection can be a cruel companion. Hotch flushed and said, “I don’t know what you’re talking about, _y/n_.” _y/n_ smiled softly and said, “How many times have you told me I’m not stupid when I doubt my logic on a case?” _y/n_ let that question hang in the room for a second before replying, “Hundreds at this point. And you know what? It’s true. Now I see how you look at yourself. Doubting. Hesitant like I am sometimes. You wear darker colors. I know what those things can mean. Aaron. Where is this coming from, love?” _y/n_ had only known Aaron to be confident since they started their relationship. There had been a small period of doubt after Foyett, but shortly after that, it had been replaced by rage. There was a short silence as Hotch looked at the soft woven blanket that covered his bed and then to the window. He watched the snow fall lazily to the ground. He sighed and said, “I feel different. My body, it feels different now.” _y/n_ placed a hand over his and gave it a squeeze. That got him to look at them. _y/n_ moved their hand from his hand to his defined jawline, running a hand down it before dropping it back to the bed. _y/n_ asked, “Did this start in December?” Hotch half nodded and said, “Kind of. I’ve felt it worse now that I’m not working out as much. It just happened so slowly. Age has hit me differently than I thought it would.” Somehow this wasn’t the conversation _y/n_ had planned on having today, but it wasn’t something that could be put off. Not with Aaron seeming so upset. _y/n_ asked, “What do you mean that it’s ‘different than you expected,’ exactly?” Hotch looked back at them and said, “I can feel my body changing in various ways. I don’t feel like I can perform the same way I did on the field. That if I’m put in a physical situation, I might fail.” _y/n_ resisted sighing. They knew how fragile a conversation this was and wanted to address it with care. _y/n_ held his gaze and said, “Hotch, you’re allowed to age. We all do. You’re the Unit Chief of the BAU. If Strauss had a problem with your performance, she’d tell you again. The team would tell you. You’re a competent, capable agent. As for your physical prowess, you’re strong, Aaron. Did you forget how you carried me over the huge puddle in the parking lot the other day because I was wearing my nice shoes?” At this, Aaron chuckled. He remembered it clearly, as Morgan had teased _y/n_ about getting their good leather shoes wet. But Aaron knew they didn’t want to get them wet half because they were very nice shoes and, also, because they had been an anniversary gift from him. At his laughter, the mood seemed to lighten. Even with that being the case, _y/n_ still worried about him; these types of thoughts, if he’d been having them long, didn’t bode well for the long term. _y/n_ leaned in and kissed him gently. They started at his neck and up his jawline. Aaron relaxed into the touch, and as _y/n_ pulled back, the look they gave him reassured him that _y/n_ meant every word they had just shared. _y/n _added, “Hotch, I think this is something that a professional should hear about if these types of thoughts continue. If they make you feel bad about yourself?” Aaron let out a sigh, and said, “You’re right, _y/n_. I’ll speak to someone if I start feeling this way again. Thanks for the affirmation. I didn’t know I needed it that much.” _y/n_ smiled at him and ran a hand over his right arm. _y/n_ was about to suggest taking a warm bath together to decompress from that conversation, but before the words could come out. Aaron’s phone rang. 

Hotch stood and moved to his nightstand. He swiped to answer the call and put the cell to his ear saying, “Agent Hotchner. There was a pause, and then he said, “Yes. Got it. Be there in a few, JJ. Have you called the rest of the team? … Okay, and yeah, _y/n_’s here. We’ll be over soon. … Okay, bye.” Once Aaron hung up, he moved decidedly to his drawer. He dropped the towel and pulled on his briefs and an undershirt before moving to his clotheshorse that held his outer shirts, suit jackets, and pants. _y/n_ didn’t even have time to admire his nude body, as they needed to change into their formal attire as well. _y/n_ moved into his closet, changed, and unlocked the gun safe, pulling Aaron’s two guns out for him with their sidearm. _y/n_ called from the closet, “Does it sound bad?” the audible sigh from Aaron in the next room told _y/n_ all they needed to know about the type of case that had just landed at the BAU’s door. Twenty minutes later, Aaron and _y/n_, plus the rest of the team were seated in the conference room with JJ and Aaron standing up front and Penelope running the slideshow from the far side of the table. Hotch looked at his media liaison for a second almost for reassurance before saying, “I’m just going to show you the photos first. I think once you see them, you’ll know more about the type of person we are dealing with. Aaron rarely prefaced the photos attached to the case, so the team looked with some anticipation at the screen. Garcia clicked for the next slide and everyone, even Hotch, cringed at the gruesome, bloodied, almost unidentifiable body parts of one victim. Then the next, and the next, and the next. The victims varied in skin color, build, and sex. There were three female victims and one male victim. Each of the deceased was missing various parts of their bodies. Since their bodies were so exposed, half-eaten, the elements had only decomposed the bodies faster. Aaron gave the team enough time to see the photos on the big screen before having Garcia turn the screen off. Hotch said, “As you can see, we’re dealing with something strange here. The coroner knows it’s some kind of wild animal, and we are waiting on the diagnostic report from the hospital two counties over. Some of the victims were so badly mauled that teeth prints had to be taken to identify the victims. We know all of their identities. Hotch nodded to JJ, who had Garcia show regular photos of Katerina Lia, Jeffre Domingez, Sherry Paine, and Dusty Hoffner. When this was done, Hotch continued, saying, “Their profiles and the photos can be found in your files after the briefing. The police in Kansas were hesitant to call us the first two times, as they thought it might just be a tragic accident by a wild animal, and they involved the Game and Fisheries authorities as well as contacting State Troopers. The few parts of the first victim were found strewn on the main street and although it seemed unlikely, the authorities wanted to rule out the possibility that it wasn’t a wild animal, or pack of animals first. Given the external damage to the bodies, it’s unlikely that it’s only one dog or coyote. In the following two weeks, the three other bodies were found in similar popular areas in town, like the park, outside the movie theater, and at the middle school. After that, there was no denying that this was just a wild animal. Thus we were called, but a bit later than I would have liked. But that’s what we’re working with. This case is undoubtedly an odd one, but the unsub seems to be amping up his kills, and if we don’t stop them quickly, well, we’ve seen what happens. Now. Wheels up in thirty.” 

The team scattered to their desks, each repulsed by what they had seen. _y/n_ was so grossed out that they even skipped getting coffee for the plane. _y/n_’s mind kept flashing to whoever had found each of the bodies. Probably a young worker moving to clean the theater for the first matinee show. Or a janitor or coach arriving early in the morning trying to get some extra work done. This fact twisted _y/n_’s stomach even more, as they grabbed for their go bag from the deep drawer in their desk, plus the pair of tennis shoes that they always stuffed in their duffle. It constantly bothered _y/n_  that not only the victims that the BAU saw were often minorities of some kind, but those who found them also often lived in difficult situations or worked hard jobs. This irked _y/n_ more than they would admit. _y/n_ found it hard seeing the gore and violence they did, and they were acclimatized to the sight. How could a normal person recover from seeing such a thing? It seemed insurmountable to them. The possibility that dogs might be involved in some way also twisted _y/n_ insides. They loved animals, and using man’s best friend in such a brutal manner felt more than psychotic. As _y/n_ stood up, they were surprised by Aaron, who already had his go bag and briefcase ready. He looked at _y/n_ and noticed their visible distress. He asked, “Are you alright?” He brushed a hand over theirs, and _y/n_ replied, “Yeah. This case is just weird. It feels different. But I can’t put a finger on it yet.” Aaron nodded and said, “We’ll look out for each other on this one. I promise.” _y/n_knew what Hotch meant by “look out for each other,” was “I’ll look out for you, okay?” _y/n_ nodded, reassured by his words and continued support. Hotch held out his hand for their duffle, and _y/n_ gave it to him. Aaron swung the bag over his shoulder and waited for _y/n_ to follow him to the airstrip. He didn’t need to do this but felt that _y/n_ might need some extra support right now. He didn’t blame them. He’d dropped a load on their shoulders this morning, and now they had this case. It felt like a lot, even to him. So he was going to be there for _y/n_ -- even if it was just physical closeness. 

On the jet, the team debriefed about what their initial thoughts were. Spencer had stats on the town and how rare animal attacks were one in every 70,000 deaths a year. Derek mentioned how the bite marks looked like dog bites. Morgan had seen a few bad bites in his previous Chicago beat. After the debrief, the team slipped into their normal groups. Em moved to JJ’s side. Reid and Morgan found each other, and _y/n_ put on some wired headphones and pulled out the brief again. As much as _y/n_ found the team's chatter comforting when a case troubled them, they found silence or an easy soundtrack or song to help them focus on the case. Aaron settled next to Dave and Emily. The trio started talking about Cottonwood Falls, its population, and the type of police force they should expect there. Small towns often called in State Troopers to help with bigger investigations, which just meant more bureaucratic red tape; something that all three agents were all too familiar with. Hotch looked over his team and _y/n_ sitting near the back of the jet. He was sure that _y/n_ that they were either listening to white noise or one of their five playlists which mostly consisted of Hozier and other music in that genre. Aaron appreciated _y/n_’s need to find moments of calm and clarity at the start of cases. When they had first joined the team, Aaron had overheard _y/n_ speaking to Garcia about feeling weird about isolating themself from the team early on in the case, but it helped to ground them in the new whirlwind of events. They liked to annotate the brief written by JJ and thoroughly look at the photos. This often helped later on as trends or niche things from the crime scene would be useful if the team got stuck. Aaron listened in as Penelope said, “Sweetheart, everyone has their own method. Your contribution to the case is essential and, however, you need to do that is fine. I promise. Stick around this group for long enough, and you’ll see that we all have our strange habits.” Aaron had been thankful and was still thankful for Garcia for being so uplifting and understanding of the team. Together they made an odd group, but it worked. The next case after that conversation had happened, Hotch had made sure to shoot _y/n_ a hint of a smile as they distanced themself to read the case file beginning to end -- pen and highlighter in hand. It was a similar scene now, as _y/n_ opened the case file and looked at the brief. It read:  

Location: Cottonwood Falls, Kansas, USA

Population: 851 

Victim No.: 4 

Names of Victims: Dusty Hoffner, F (28), Jeffre Domingez, M (39), Katerina Lia, F (45)

 Sherry Paine, F (19).

Victim’s Occupations: Unknown. 

Report of crimes thus far: On December 15th at 5:00 a.m. A local refuse worker (Jim Vaunt) found a mangled left hand near a trashcan on Locust and Union St. He quickly called the police, who quickly arrived. Mr. Vaunt and the officers were disturbed to find other body parts of the first victim (Katerina). The areas where body parts were found were condoned off, and a thorough search went out looking for a wild animal. The residents were informed, and school was canceled for the day. Little progress was made and the next week, the three other victims were found in similar states of decomposition and decay. Though the cooler weather and frost have kept some of the body parts better preserved. The town is in a panic, with parents pulling their children from school early and groups going looking at local farms for any animals. This had resulted in the death of one family dog that had gotten loose earlier on the afternoon of the 17th. The State Troopers have been called in. Two town meetings have been held, but little progress has been made so far. 

_y/n_ then moved back to the vile photos. Sherry’s stood out the most as she was the youngest victim. One photograph of her left hand showed that she had been wearing bubble gum pink nail polish. It was slightly chipped from wear. _y/n_ frowned at a life so young being snuffed out in such a brutal, literally animalistic, fashion. It wasn’t fair. But that was where the BAU came in; _y/n_ reflected. Not that they could change the past, but at least they could ensure that the human who committed such atrocities paid for their choices. There was a reassurance in that. When _y/n_ had finished taking notes and looking at the crime scene photos, they paused their playlist and took off the headphones. _y/n_ grabbed their file and moved over to Derek and Spencer to see what they were thinking. Now _y/n_ was ready to add their voices to the preliminary profile being built. As the jet cruised toward the small landing strip a few miles from Cottonwood Falls, the team all felt anticipation, an undercurrent of tension at what would face them in the small town below. 

Cottonwood Falls was as small and quiet as Spencer had described. But it wasn’t a peaceful quiet. It was a disquiet. The team saw large groups of men sitting in the backs of various trucks, holding shotguns, and scowling as the Chase County Police Department got closer. The team didn’t see any children out, and the schoolyard and playgrounds lay quiet. Devoid of kids. It made sense, of course, four unknown people had been torn apart, literally. _y/n_, who was in an SUV with Spencer, Derek, and JJ, hoped that there would be more information once they got to the stations. _y/n_ was right as the team was slightly heard into the station, Sheriff Welsh had hastily introduced himself to the team, with Aaron running as the point man. Sheriff Welsh seemed more prepared than most small-town cops who had a bizarre crime happen in their jurisdiction. A whole corner of the department was dedicated to the case, with multiple maps and boards up on the walls with the photos neatly grouped. The information that they already had was neatly placed on two pop-up card tables. The Sherrif had the team stand near the tables, and the dark-haired man said, “I have two new bits of information to share with you now that you folks are here. The first is that although it’s not growing season, we still have some workers that hop from farm jobs to far jobs through the slow season. It turns out Katerina Lia was one of those workers. A farmer in Olathe noticed her picture in the paper and called us, saying that she had signed a two-week contract for his sorghum harvest. It was late in the year, and he needed fewer workers, but Katerina was one of them. Also, though this is a small town, we do get tourists driving through because the highway runs toward Wichita and Topeka on either side of us. So I’m thinking that these might be some people or visitors hoping to pass through and something went horribly, horribly wrong. The other big item is that the coroner has stated that the cause of death was bleeding out and shock, and the bite marks found on the body were made by dogs. Various breeds and sizes, but for sure, it was dogs.” The horrible idea seemed to weigh the Sheriff down. It made him look ill. Hotch absorbed the information and quickly said, “Thank you for those updates. For now, I’m going to send my team to various sites to gather data and when we have more information and regrouped, we’ll present a preliminary profile for yourself and your officers.” Aaron could see the question, “What’s a preliminary profile coming,” and stopped the man saying, “And I promise to explain all of the practical jargon this afternoon if that’s alright?” The Sheriff raised his hands and said, “You got it. I’m just grateful ya’ll came out here to the sticks. Take all the time you need. There are three SUVs that you can use.” Aaron nodded and signaled to the team. He stated clearly, “Morgan, Reid, you go to the hospital and look at the victims. See if there’s anything we’re missing about them. Anything that might give us a location of death. Em, JJ, you go check any animal shelters in the area. Then call the school and theater. See if you can interview the janitor and employee who found the victims. Rossi and _y/n_, come with me. We’ll check out the other two sites and see if the vets around town have had any reports of wild or rabid dogs in the last two weeks.” The team understood their roles and moved to their respective cars. Just before Hotch had stepped outside, keys in hand, he asked Weiss, “How many farmers have dogs around here?” The Sheriff shrugged his shoulders and said, “Heck, all of them that I can think of. I’d be stupid not to.” Aaron nodded and let out a sigh. He realized that it was going to be harder to track down the dogs than he might have thought, but the method of killing was so specific that he hoped they could at least find the unsub quickly. Someone in a  town this small had to know something. 

There was a shocking amount of vets in such a confined space. However, it made sense given how much livestock there was in the farming and ranching community. Be it hobby farms or cattle, those animals needed care. As they were driving to meet Mr. Vaunt for an interview, _y/n_ had an idea and called Penelope. _y/n_ put the techie on speaker, and Garcia answered with, “Hello, my loves. How can the Office of Supreme Intelligence assist you today?” _y/n_ couldn’t help but smile at Penelope's pep, and said, “Can you compile a list of people that visit and more importantly adopt dogs regularly in the surrounding towns and counties? It probably won’t be all at the same time, maybe two or three weeks apart.” _y/n_ caught Hotch’s eyes in the rearview. He gave them a nod of approval at thinking of this. After a short pause, Garcia said, “I’ll have to get back to you on that my sweet. These small towns seem to have fewer electronic records, but that doesn’t mean I can’t find them somewhere. I’ll get back to you when I have something.” Before Garcia hung up, Aaron said, “Garcia, nothing illegal,” in a semi-stern tone. Penelope let out a bright laugh and said, “You got it, Hotch.” After that call, the day seemed to slip by quickly. By the end of it, the team had discovered and then presented to the small police force that the unsub was most likely a white male in his mid-thirties, a recluse or someone that rarely came into town, owned land to hold a pack of dogs who had at least five large canines. The land potentially had a field of tall June grass, as lots had been found on the victims' clothing, thanks to Spencer’s keen eye, and the unsub was only targeting out-of-towners. Lastly, if the man finds another person to kill, he will take the chance to do so again without remorse as the unsub was most likely a psychopath. After the basic profile was delivered, the team worked late into the night. They speculated that the unsub might have had a bad incident with a dog in his past, or some significant trauma with an animal of some kind. Emily recommended going back to the hospital in the morning to see if there were any medical records of such an event happening around thirty years ago. Hotch agreed and made preliminary assignments for the morning. With nothing else to really go on, the team headed to their motel to turn in for the night. It was odd getting to bed before two a.m. on a case, but this was not a normal case. In his room, Hotch showered and changed. He slumped into bed, trying to ignore looking in the mirror, at this body again. It was hard for him to imagine that it had just been that morning that _y/n_ had reminded him how much they loved him in his entirety. It was funny to Hotch how quickly he forgot those things. Aaron rolled onto his stomach, grabbed his phone, which was charging, and texted _y/n_ simply writing, “I love you, _y/n_. Sleep well.” He read the quick reply of, “Love you too, Aaron,” before he turned off his lamp, set his alarms, and attempted to sleep. Aaron was having a hard time with his rest and he sat up. He moved to the door and down the hallway. He knocked on _y/n_’s door and he could see the lamps still burning bright in their room. _y/n_ let him in, headphones still in their ears. Hotch slumped down on their bed, comforted to be in _y/n_’s calming presence. They didn’t bother him as he closed his eyes. They sat down and kept reading over their notes, again, and again, and again. Aaron could hear _y/n_ tapping along with the beat of their playlist on their leg. He knew the rhythm well at this point and it lulled him to sleep as _y/n_ kept thinking deep into the night. 

The dawn woke the team, and everyone was relieved to find that there wasn’t a new victim. That didn’t mean there wouldn’t be, but they would strive to make sure it didn’t happen again. At the precinct, the team drank the poor-grade coffee and talked briefly about how quiet the town was at night. Spencer had stayed up all night and heard an owl and one time the barking of a dog. The genius had admitted that even that had him scared. Of course, Morgan had made fun of Spencer for this, except he had to eat his words because one of the police dogs had barked right after his joke, and Derek nearly jumped out of his skin. That had brought a moment of lightness to a very grim case. The team, little did they know it, would need that for the rest of the day, and their time in Kansas. 

Rossi suggested to Aaron that he, Derek, and Aaron go and speak to some of the men running their patrols looking for dogs. _y/n_ suggested she and Emily go and check the medical records, and JJ decided to try and contact the farmer who had employed Katerina to get more information while Spencer found maps of the area. He wanted to see if there were any large swaths of June grass in the surrounding areas, and the lean agent knew he could guess pretty well with a topological map where large patches of the native grass would grow. Aaron agreed, and everyone moved to their respective tasks. Hotch, Morgan, and Dave were told by the sheriff that most of the menfolk had met at a local dive bar down the street, made plans, and then drove out for the day to ‘explore.’ Aaron thanked the man for the information, and his group headed out. The dive bar was ironically called Shooters. The theme of the place was hunting-oriented with mounted deer heads and some old-style rifles adorning the walls. The proprietor, who was standing behind the bar was potbellied and red-cheeked. He seemed more chipper than appropriate. but Derek assumed it was because he had the room half full with lots of people holding beers or shots in front of them. The place was tackily decorated for Christmas with a small tree in the corner and lights up on the walls. One of the deer heads had a Santa hat askew on its head. Morgan and Rossi moved to speak to the owner of the bar. Aaron began talking to a few of the men, showing his badge when questioned. As Hotch moved toward another group, he noticed a small faded flyer. It had the picture of an English Springer Spaniel with a duck in its mouth. The blocky, white text read: “Here to hunt at the Lodge on Route 75? Make your time here more fun and successful by renting a purebred hunting dog! $80/day, including drop off and pick up at your designated hunting site. Call: 390-785-0092 for inquiries. There was no name attached to the flyer. Aaron moved to the man behind the bar and asked, “Do you know who put up that advertisement?” The man looked at where Hotch was pointed and took on a reflective gaze before nodding and saying in a deeply accented voice, “Yeah. That’s Jeff Karon’s side business. Man has corn and wheat crops, but in the summer we get swamped with hunters and he breeds dogs on the side for some extra cash. He’s an odd one. Lives way out there past the town limits.” Hotch nodded and wrote down the name and number. He would call Penelope and see what she came up with as well as speaking with Sheriff Weiss when they returned to the station. 

_y/n_ and Emily at the hospital started to make converging discoveries with Hotch. The pair sat in the medical records room. A kind nurse had pulled out some boxes from the 1990s that she remembered being memorable cases for such a small town. After an hour they found nothing and moved to put the boxes back in the correct place. However, as they had quickly been putting the files back in chronological order, one folder was misplaced. It was much older than the rest. The front read Jeffery C. Karon 1958 - Infected Dog Bite. Emily let out a laugh, and _y/n_ turned to face her and said, “What is it?” As they put a box away on top of a dusty old one, Prentiss replied, “A file in the wrong box. Coincidentally it sounds related to the case.” _y/n_ stepped off of the one small step they needed to reach the tall, top shelf and walked over to Emily saying, “Let’s look at it. We’ve almost looked at every other file in here anyway. Maybe we can learn something.” Pretiness scoffed and opened the file as _y/n_ stood at her shoulder. However, after both agents' eyes skimmed over the first paragraph, they realized that they might have stumbled across something important. The patient data was typed and the case notes were written in cursive. They read read: 

The young boy of twelve was bitten pretty severely by a rabid dog in the wheat field on the father’s farm in Oldsdaile. Ten stitches were needed to seal the wound and a rabies shot was given along with a course of antibiotics. There was a note about the patient’s father and then something about how if the wound wasn’t cleaned and cared for carefully, the boy could develop an infection in the bone and might need major surgery or worse. 

_y/n_ and Pretiss looked at each other and then the photo of the young boy on a sepia-toned brownish grey. Emily grabbed the file and said, “Let’s ask around and see if anyone knows who this Jeffery Karon is.” The two agents moved to the nurse in charge of records and _y/n_ asked, “Ma’am. We found a file accidentally misplaced, but we think this person might be helpful to our investigation and the recent deaths. Do you or anyone here have any idea who this person is? If they still live around here?” The nurse took the file and looked it over. She said, “Just a moment, let me ask around.” Em and _y/n_ waited for a few minutes and the nurse returned and said, “Sorry but no one here seems to know who this is. Our old doctor. Dr. Anderson. who just retired and moved to Texas to be with his grandkids would know. I would recommend going to the town hall and looking at the records there. I can also print you a copy of this file and give Dr. Anderson’s number. Just don’t spread any of this around -- And Dr. Anderson is notorious for not answering his phone. He never really learned to use one, but perhaps that’s changed now that he’s around some youngsters.” Both agents thanked the nurse for her help and waited for the copy of the medical file and the number. It was only a few minutes before Emily and _y/n_ were back in the car and headed to the station. Instead of going to the town hall, Prentiss and _y/l/n_ decided to call Garcia instead. Before they came to that choice, they reflected how small-town cases were so different from those in the city. How they offered a change of pace to the often hectic cases in sprawling metropolises. Not that this case wasn’t urgent, just different. Emily was driving, so _y/n_ pulled out their phone to call Garcia, but just as they started to dial, Penelope called _y/n_. _y/l/n_ said, “Speak of the devil,” as they smiled and swiped answers. Garcia, always her chipper self said, “Alrighty my little chickens. It took me a while. but looking at the ten adjacent counties surrounding Cottonwood Falls there was a startling pattern. One man seems to go into these shelters and has been adopting a surprising amount of dogs that are up for euthanization. But the dude is picky. He only takes in big breeds from Shepards to Heelers to Great Danes. You name it. If it’s a big dog and it seems on its last legs, this guy will take it in.” Emily asked, “What’s this dude's name?” Garcia replied, “Jeffery Karon.” Prentiss and _y/n_ looked at each other knowingly. Both simultaneously thought, ‘Bingo.’ _y/n_ let out a sigh and said, “How many dogs are we talking about here? And how often are they being adopted?” Penelope clicked a few keys on her computer and said, “I’d say three to four a month. So maybe thirty-six a year. But some months there are no adoptions. I don’t know how one man can care for so many dogs. Feeding them alone must cost an absorbent sum each month.” _y/n_ didn’t say it but thought, ‘One way to cut costs would be to not feed them. Thus the need to adopt so many dogs.’ They thought back to the photos of the victims. They all had really been torn apart. The image of that happening was to sickening to the stomach and _y/n_ cleared her throat and said, “As always Garcia, you’re the best. We’re pulling up the precinct now and it looks like Hotch is back too, so I’ll call you with any updates when I can.” Garcia replied, “Anything for you sweetness, and I texted you the dude’s address too. It’s headed to your phone as we speak. Supreme genius out.” Emily put the car in park and they both jumped out. They both had a lot to share. 

As the pair got inside _y/n_ realized that Hotch, Morgan, and Rossi had also just gotten back as well. Emily let out a breath behind them. The brunette was excited to share their news and said, “I think we might have our guy!” The three men, and JJ and Spencer in the back looked over at her. Hotch spoke first and asked, “Is his name Jeffrey Karon?” Aaron’s statement seemed to take the wind out of Emily’s sails and she replied, “Hey. How’d you know?” The small sub-teams merged, and they all got updated on what they had all learned that morning. When everyone was caught up, the team moved to Sherrif Weiss. Aaron asked the head of the police department, with a copy of Jeff’s childhood photo, “Do you know this man? Jeffrey C. Karon?” The Sheriff nodded after a moment and replied, “Yeah. Yeah, I do. He’s an odd one. He’s lived on the farm his father, Jean Karon lived on. It’s a farm out in the boonies. Jean’s wife died in childbirth and from what I understand, Jean wasn’t exactly dad material. So it was just those two for a long time. Then the town they lived in dissolved. Too many people moved out in the 70’s. A few years after that, Cottonwood Falls proposed taking the land into our county. By that point old man Karon was pretty worn out and sickly, but he was vehemently against reintegration. He waged a moral war on the idea and, well he kind of died while losing that battle and Oldsdaile became part of Cottonwood Falls. That left his twenty-year-old son with the farm and a small sum of cash the man had stored away. Jeffrey tried to go away and get an education at a local college. He fell in love with a girl. I couldn’t tell you why, but Jeff dropped out of school and brought his new wife back with him. Allegedly they had a kid together, but anytime I’ve visited that farm I’ve never seen a kid. So I guess when Jeff’s wife inevitably left him, she must have taken the kid with her. And honestly, good for her. I wouldn’t want to spend a long time out there either. But I haven’t honestly seen Jeff in over two years. Guess he ended up a recluse like his father.” The Sheriff gave a whistle after the long monologue. The Sheriff had almost forgotten the wheat farm on the far outskirts of town. The whole team took a second to absorb that the Sheriff had described the perfect unsub. Breaking from their shared trance, Hotch emphatically asked, “Where does Mr. Karon live!” As the Sheriff murmured, “Let me look. I haven’t thought of him in a long while.” While the man was puttering about, _y/n_ pulled up her phone and said, “I have it Hotch. Penelope sent it to me while we were on the way back here.” Aaron shot _y/n_ a small smile and said, “We’ll need LEOs for this Sheriff Weiss. Five men at least.” The law enforcement officer looked at Aaron with apprehension and asked, “You think Jeff is our guy?” The look Hotch shot Weiss was enough to shut the man up and then turn and order two cop cars and five officers to accompany the BAU team on their trip out to the isolated farm. 

The white SUVs and two cop cars rushed down the isolated dirt and gravel road. The Karon farm was a good thirty-five minutes outside of town set on an isolated road that left the highway. As they moved down the road. _y/n_ noticed that random patches of the tall grass seemed pressed down or pushed aside unnaturally. Hotch was driving too fast for them to see what was happening but after the third time seeing the phenomena, _y/n_ called out, “Aaron, stop for a second. Somethings off on the side of the road.” Hotch threw _y/n_ a look with his classic raised eyebrow from the front. His sunglasses were blocking his eyes but after a moment, he slowed to a roll and then a stop. _y/n_ jumped out of the car with Morgan, who was also in the middle row of the car. Derek called out, “What did you see, _y/n_?” As they both ran toward another place where the grass looked odd. _y/n_ didn’t need to answer him as they pushed the tall grass aside to reveal a long wooden board with over two dozen nails pounded through the wooden beam. Morgan whistled and said, “Well that’ll stop a car alright. How many of these have you spotted already kid?” _y/n_ looked up at Derek and said, “This makes four.” The pair of agents didn’t disturb the plank in case it was needed for evidence later, and they both jogged back to the stalled car. Once inside, Morgan said, “Hotch there’s a homemade parking block spikes in the grass, and _y/n_ spotted three more before that one.” Aaron nodded and then started the car again. As he pushed the gas pedal, he said, “We did wonder how he got his victims out of their cars. Maybe they get turned around and go ask for help, but then get a flat instead. Aaron turned briefly and looked at _y/n_ and said, “Good catch. Keep a count of how many of those you see as we keep getting closer to the house.” After another four minutes, the cars reached an old rushing iron gate with a big sign in the font that read: “PRIVATE PROPERTY - DO NOT ENTER: BEWARE OF DOGS!!!” The line, “Beware of dogs,” sent a chill down everyone’s spine. Aaron attempted calling the home number twice, which Penelope had also dug up for the team, but nobody picked up, and there was no option for voice mail. One of the police officers got out of his cruiser with a pair of bolt cutters and broke open the chain that held the fence closed. The gate made a terrible screeching sound that had the team’s skin crawl. All of the cars pulled into the drive. The house was a simple farm-style house, painted white with green accents. All of the paint was badly chipped and there was a large truck parked out front. It seemed to be the only sign of life on that part of the farm. Aaron got on the radio and spoke to the other car saying, “Everyone’s wearing their FBI vests here, and everyone has weapons drawn. We can’t be sure what we’ll find in the house or on the farm. Lastly, no one, and I mean no one goes off alone. Rodger?” There was a crackle on the line and Emily replied, “Got it, Hotch.” As the team stepped out of the cars, a symphony of howling and then barking could be heard from the house Everyone went on the defensive. Hotch pulled out his microphone and stepped a few feet closer to the glass and screen door. _y/n_ followed after him a few paces. From their angle, they could see what looked like three to four big dogs at the door barking up a storm. _y/n_ had their gun aimed at the door. If something went wrong, they would have a bead on one of the dogs and would shoot if it came to that. They prayed it wouldn’t. Rossi sidled up next to _y/n_, they felt better knowing they weren’t alone in keeping Aaron safe as he clicked on the microphone and said, “Jeffrey Karon. This is Supervisory Special Agent Aaron Hotchner. If you’re inside I’m giving you three minutes to restrain your dogs and come out of your home with your hands up. I’m starting a timer now.” Aaron’s voice echoed across the face of the house and the yard. It was a very tense minute and thirty seconds as the dogs continued to bray at the agents and police officers. 

It felt like an eternity before one of the windows on the side of the house revealed a haggard-looking man who shouted, “Get off my goddamn property before I get a shotgun and shoot you, people. ‘Tis is an ‘nvastion of ma rights. My God-given rights ‘ye hear me!” All eyes turned to the window and again, Aaron stepped forward and said, “You don’t have any right Mr. Karon. You’re suspected of five counts of first-degree murder and tampering with remains. Now come downstairs and restrain your dogs or my team and I will come in and do what we have to restrain you. And I don’t think you’re so stupid to not know what will happen to you if you do try and get a gun.” Jeffrey was red-faced and spluttered, but in a half-show, Aaron looked at his watch and said, “You have a minute and a half left,” then Hotch angled his gun at the front door. Of course, _y/n_ knew that Aaron wouldn’t shoot one of Mr. Karon’s dogs unless it was a life-or-death scenario, but Mr. Karon didn’t. Hotch’s threat was enough to have the man at the window shout, “Fine, fine I’m coming. Don’t shoot the dogs. God damn you. I’m suing if anything happens to those dogs!” Aaron lowered the sidearm and let out a breath, slightly surprised that his strategy had worked. The team watched with bated breath as Jeff moved down the stairs slowly. He looked like he was in pain, as he walked with a significant limp, gripping the white stair rail tightly. The man called his dogs loudly enough for the team to hear him say, “Here boys, here.” At the call of their owner, the dogs all moved away from the door and to the foot of the stairs. Now that they were farther back, _y/n_ could see that it was five dogs, not three. All of the canines' tails seemed to wag happily as they saw their owner. Jeff petted all of them and seemed to give them a treat from the pocket of his robe. Something the older man said had the dogs stop barking. Jeff moved toward the door and Aaron and the team stepped onto the porch. Aaron looked at Jeff as the man moved to open the door. Hotch gripped the handle and closed it as soon as the man tried to open it. Aaron said clearly, “Put your dogs on leads and attach those leads to the stair rail.” Jeff blustered and said, “My dogs don’t go on lead. No State Commie can make me do that.” Hotch glared at the man and said, “They go on leads when I say they do. If you don’t do as I say I’ll add intentionally delaying a state investigation to your list of charges. Do you want the state looking into you more than we already are, Mr. Karon?” Jeff furrowed his brow and turned. The man who had tanned and spotted skin like many men who spent hours in the sun let out a litany of curse words as he moved to the other side of the room and grabbed five old faded leads. Again, the team watched as he moved painfully toward his dogs and one by one attached the lead to their collar and then tied the collars to the staircase. This took about seven minutes and finally, Aaron motioned for Rossi and _y/n_ to follow him as they breached the door. There was some chaos as Hotch cuffed Jeff and the dogs barked at seeing their owner get angry and yell again. Aaron twisted Karon’s arm uncomfortably and said, “I’d put a rag in it and answer any questions asked to you, Mr. Karon.” The added pain had the farmer shut up for a second before the man spit at Aaron’s shoes and said, “I’ll shut up. I want a lawyer. You big city types think you can break into an honest man’s house and threaten him, well. We’ll see about that, Special Agent Hotchner.” Jeffrey seemed to have a glint of malice in his eyes, and Aaron pushed him toward one of the officers, not letting the threat affect him. Aaron told the officer he handed Karon off to, “Put him in the back of one of the cruisers and read him his Miranda’s. If he says anything, record it. Anything could be important in this case. And once you're done that, take the dogs out and attach them to the wooden railing on the poach. Make sure they have shade and water.” The officer looked a little hesitant but nodded and began hauling Jeffrey off. 

Now that the house seemed quiet, Aaron had the team split up into groups of two and look over the whole abode. Even though the dogs and Karon were out of the house, that didn’t mean that they dropped their guard. As the echoes of “Clear” rang through the upstairs and downstairs, the team seemed to lighten up. The most interesting things in the house were the profound amount of liquor bottles in the bedroom and kitchen, as well as the cabinet full of assorted pain meds in the bathroom. It was obvious to Spencer, Emily, and _y/n_ that Karon was self-medicating. If it was just for the leg injury that he had gotten as a child or something more, they couldn’t know until someone interviewed the potential unsub. Spencer took a moment too long looking at the multiple narcotics bottles for _yn_’s comfort and they gently said, “I’ve got this Spencer. Why don’t you help Morgan.” Reid looked at _y/n_ with a hint of gratitude and nodded softly saying, “Thanks, _y/n_.” _y/n_ just smiled at him and said, “No prob, Spence.’ With that, Spencer left the bathroom while Emily was looking over the bedroom. _y/n_ gave a small sigh. They knew Reid was clean, and had been for a few years now, but they knew how easy it was to fall back into bad habits, and alleviating any possibility was the least they could do for their friend. But the most interesting thing in the house was the little boy’s room on the first floor next to the living room. The pastel-blue walled room was caked in dust. So much that Hotch had a coughing fit for three minutes after leaving the room. It was hard to tell if it was Karon’s old room or his supposed son’s. Garcia hadn’t been able to find a record of Jeffrey Karon having a son, but she did find a name and address for his ex-wife who now lived in Tennessee. Hotch was beginning to think that the story about Mr. Karon having a son was a local legend of some kind. A story passed around about the strange old recluse with a tragic backstory who lived at the edge of town. Either way, the room being so well preserved and unused would prove helpful in trying to crack Jeffrey in the interview process. The child’s room meant something to him. When the house had been gone through, the team spread out in groups of two again to search the rest of the large thirty-acre property. 

Behind the house was an ATV with the keys still in the ignition. Derek speculated that that was the easiest way to navigate the bumpy roads between the fields. The largest wheat field had two barns on one side of it. The first barn was for a large group of chickens that squawked when Spencer and Derek entered the smelly space. The other barn seemed to have regular farming equipment and feed for the assortment of animals that resided on the land. However, as _y/n_ moved a rake through the deep chicken feed containers, something snagged on the tines of the object. Pulling the tool up revealed a very tattered shirt sleeve. _y/n_ called in and let the team know what she’d found. Emily was up in the hayloft and said, “_y/n_, there’s a pillow and blanket up here too. Let the team know I think someone might be sleeping up here.” _y/n_ acknowledged Prentiss and let the team know the new information. Once Em had documented the small and narrow loft space, which was barely seven boards wide and could be accessed by a  ladder, she climbed down to help _y/n_ to see if they could find anything else in the grain bins. As it turned out, a lot more was to be found including shoes, pants, IDs of the victims, and cash. Not only did they find the personal identification of all of the victims so far,  but they found three new IDs and a passport of victims, who had not yet been found or reported missing. 

The last metaphorical nail in Jeffrey Karon’s case was when Aaron and Rossi plus two other officers neared the oldest and largest barn on the other side of the wheat field which Spencer aptly pointed out had been tilled and Blue grass had been planted as a filler crop until next planting season. Neither car needed to even roll down its windows, as they neared the barn and heard the near-constant cacophony of barking and growling that filled the air in a disorganized symphony of sound. All four men drew their guns again. Obviously, they couldn’t just open the barn doors because Aaron didn’t know how the dogs inside this barn were being contained, or if they were contained at all. The BAU men moved around the barn, and Rossi found a ladder that would let them look up and into the barn’s higher windows. Aaron and Rossi moved the ladder to the window. Dave kept the ladder steady and Hotch climbed up to the dusty glass. Aaron slipped off his sunglasses and used his keen sight to look into the dim barn. He could see that one-third of the barn was empty but the other two-thirds had a strong very tall metal fence containing the bodies of a dozen dogs or more moving, writhing, and barking at the almost darkness. Every now and then one of the canine’s teeth would catch the light of the window Hotch was looking in, and Aaron couldn’t help but imagine how those teeth felt tearing into a human's flesh. The idea revolted him. He caught something odd, a red glowing light on the front of the cage. Aaron called for a pair of binoculars which were quickly brought to him. Hotch carefully shot out the windows which only set the dogs inside off more, but without the glass in the way and with the aid of the binoculars, he could see that there was a locking mechanism on the front of the padded gate. This reassured Aaron that they could get into the barn, but it only added that Jeffrey was smarter than he let on. Lawyering up was one thing, but having a timed gate assured that Mr. Karon didn’t become an accidental victim to the dogs inside the barn. Aaron quickly stepped down the ladder and told Rossi and the officers that they were clear to enter the hostile den. The officers seemed hesitant, but Rossi brushed past them, trusting Hotch and opening the doors of the barn. The dogs went wild and rushed the gate but couldn’t get out. Hotch and Dave covered their ears, and they stepped into the barn. Even though it might be safe for them to be inside the dank-smelling space, they kept a good five-foot distance from the dogs. Aaron observed that all of the dogs were malnourished and had their tails docked. Many of the dogs had bite marks and looked in ill health. Rossi noticed the feathers on the floor of the cage. There was a children’s pool filled with stinking water and flies on the far side of the cage. Aaron took pictures of the dogs, the cage, and the locking mechanism which seemed to be turned on via a switch or remote timer. Hotch felt a pang of pity for the dogs inside the barn and what a horrible life they had been put through. However, he realized that these animals had also killed up to seven human beings. There was no nice way of putting that. When Rossi and Aaron had seen what they needed to, Aaron called Sheriff Weiss and brought the man up to date. He detailed the need for animal control and that they would need a lot of animal control. Weiss had paused and said that he would have to call into multiple counties and vets for help getting all the dogs out of the barn. Hotch understood and agreed. Aaron left one of the policemen to sit in his cruiser just outside the bard to wait as long as it took for the animal control members to arrive and take care of the situation inside the barn. The officer seemed to relax when he realized that he could wait inside his protected vehicle. 

With the farm mostly searched and a lot of damning evidence gathered, the team left with Mr. Karon to conduct their first interview. The unsub had said very little except for cursing the officer in the other police car out. The team left another three officers to cordon off the farm and sites of interest. At the precinct, Jeffrey was quickly moved into a room that was normally a holding cell for those who had too much to drink and needed the night to sober up before going home to their wives in shame with another fifty-dollar ticket of disorderly conduct or public indecency. It was the best the small police station had for an interrogation room. Sheriff Weiss had a table and chairs brought in and Derek and Rossi had the first round of trying to get the unsub to talk. Outside the cell _y/n_ paced and Aaron watched them while also looking into the room with Jeffrey. Something was upsetting _y/n_ and he could tell. It was not only the pacing, but the way _y/n_ was just slightly biting the inside of their cheek. After a minute of this, Aaron turned to them and asked, “What it is _y/n_?” _y/n_ turned on their heel and said, “It can’t be him Hotch? You smelled his breath when we first got in the house. It reeked of alcohol and he was stumbling around either because he was drunk or high on meds, or both. I don’t know how a man like that can pull something like this off. Not by himself. Not to mention his leg injury. He can barely walk. He couldn’t possibly handle those dogs in the barn. Plus, we’re looking for a supposed psychopath. Mr. Karon might be disturbed, but he loved those dogs in the house. How does that work?” Aaron nodded. He had felt that something was off too, but having _y/n_ put it into words helped solidify how he felt. _y/n_ said, “It’s something to do with that boy’s room. That makeshift bed in the barn. I think we’re missing something big. I think I should go back.” Hotch nodded and said, “I’m coming with you.” _y/n_ gave him just the smallest smile and said, “Alright. I’ll tell the team, why don’t you start the car? I’ll be out in a minute.” Aaron agreed and moved outside. It didn’t take long for them to get back to the farm. Aaron had an officer go with _y/n_ to the boy’s room, and he and another officer moved back to the barn to look at the cot again. The two were determined to find out what vital piece was missing from the bigger picture. 

Back in the interrogation room, Karon wasn’t talking and it had been nearly fifty minutes. Derek was saying, “So what, you get bitten by a dog when you're a kid and then have dogs kill people? What do you gain from that, Karon? Apart from some sick need to see people be torn apart.” The man didn’t answer and Rossi tried another approach saying, “Why keep your bedroom the same Jeffrey? Why lock it up and keep it preserved? Why is it so important to you?” This finally had a response for the unsub and he said, “That room’s special to me, yeah. Gotta keep it like that for when she comes back.” Morgan and Dave looked at each other and Rossi asked, “Who comes back, Mr. Karon? You’re wife? Your son?” Jeffrey put his head in his hands and said, “That goodman bitch of a wife you idiot. My son’s still there. But he’s not like he used to be. And I’m not like I used to be, get it. Before that bitch of a city slicker wife left me everything was fine. FINE! Get it, but she left and it all went bad. Went to goddamn shit.” Morgan cared less about the wife and more about the fact that Jeff had said his son was still on the property, on the farm. Derek asked, “Your son, Karon. Where is he!” Jeff laughed and the built agent raised to his feet and slammed his hands on the table near the unsub, getting him to stop laughing and Morgan said again, “Where is your son!” Karon chuckled a little and said, “Sleeps ‘n the barn at night. I hear four of those cops are still out there, and two of your agents. Pity for them. Jason’s better with the dogs than I am. Has been for the last ten years since my fucking leg’s been acting up more. Motherfucker of a leg.” This realization hit the two FBI agents like a ton of bricks. There was a beat of silence before Rossi rushed out of the room to call Aaron and let him know that Karon’s son was on the farm while Derek worked his best to not beat the crap out of the man in front of him and try and get something that might help Hotch and _y/n_. Rossi paced as he waited for Aaron to pick up. Finally, his friend did, saying, “Hotchner.” Dave nearly yelled, “Karon’s son is still living on the farm. He’s the one letting the dogs out. Where’s _y/n_? Are you with them?” 

Aaron’s stomach dropped like a bag of stones as he realized _y/n_ hadn’t checked in in over twenty minutes. He put Dave on hold and called _y/n_. He prayed that they’d pick up, but _y/n_’s phone went to voicemail. Aaron then tried radioing the officer with _y/n_ but all he got was the man sitting outside the barn. Hotch almost threw himself down the ladder to the loft and shouted at the officer at the bottom to follow him. Hotch drove faster the he ever had toward the farmhouse. Something told him that he would find answers there. It had been _y/n_’s last location for starters. Aaron didn’t even bother turning off the car as he and the officer rushed into the house, guns drawn. There was no one in the main room, but sounds were coming from the kitchen. Aaron breached the room and found a large man standing with a clever aim to cut apart a de-feathered chicken. The man froze when Aaron rushed the room and pointed the gun at him, Jason Karon. Hotch shouted, “Put the knife down slowly or I shoot.” The man didn’t seem to care that he was moving incredibly slowly while he set the knife down on the butcher block. Hotch then shouted, “Where is the other agent and officer?” The large man shrugged, and Aaron shouted again, stepping within a foot of the second unsub’s face, “Where is my agent!” Jason said slowly with a small glint in his eyes, “Middle of the wheat field I guess. That fucking agent bit me. Had to tranque ‘em. Dogs ‘ill get ‘em soon. But don’t ya worry. I gave ‘em a fighting chance. Set a timer for the dog's release. It’s no fun to watch them die if they’re tranqued. Dogs ‘ill be out in ‘bout fifteen minutes and if I timed it right, the drugs ‘ill wear off a bit before then. I ain’t never seen a cop die before. Should be fun” There was a devil-may-care attitude that indicated the unsub cared nothing for human life. The rage that filled Aaron nearly had him shoot the man in front of him, but the fact that _y/n_ was still alive and could be torn apart had Aaron brush past Jason and ran out the back door so quickly that he didn’t even tell the officer to restrain the man. He only had thoughts for _y/n_. Hotch straddled the ATV, turned the key that was miraculously still in the ignition and pressed the electronic throttle. Aaron could feel the wind in his face and his hands held onto the handlebars of the ATV with a death grip. He entered the wheat field in around seven minutes and slowed slightly as he got closer to the center. He didn’t want to run over _y/n_, but he knew he had only minutes to find them before both of them were going to face the same fate as all the other victims from before. Just as Aaron heard the first howling of the dogs, he found _y/n_ on the cold ground. 

Hotch jumped off the vehicle and ran to _y/n_. Their eyes were open but glazed. _y/n_’s hands were bound, but not their feet. Aaron grabbed _y/n_ and pulled them onto the ATV in front of him. _y/n_ was lucid enough to move their feet with Aaron’s. As Hotch kicked the ignition on again. He saw the first three dogs breach the tall grass. Hotch opened up the throttle. He held _y/n_ to his chest while he tried to press the gas and control the ATV all at the same time. Even at the full thirty miles per hour, the dogs were catching up to them. Aaron felt his heart beat faster than it ever had before. It was like he could hear the breaths of the crazed animals following him, could hear their feet hitting the ground, which would outpace him and _y/n_ soon. Another three minutes and they’d be out of the field, and the police would see what was happening and come to help. At least that was what Aaron hoped. But a sound had Hotch’s heart nearly stop. At the edge of the wheat field, the engine of the ATV spluttered loudly. Hotch looked down at the gas gauge: E. Aaron pushed the machine as far as it would go but it slowed after another thirty seconds, then died. 

There was a split second when Aaron thought there was no way for them to live. His mind went blank, black. But _y/n_ stirred, and he knew they couldn’t die. He’d happily die, but _y/n_ couldn’t die. Not like this. They deserved warmth, retirement, and old age, and happiness. And because Aaron couldn’t have the love of his life die, he was forced to think in a split second. This brought up two options. The first was to shoot as many of the dogs as possible. He knew that he wouldn’t get to all of them before the rest overpowered them, but this was an option that would reduce the number of animals that would kill them. Maybe the others would get scared off by the sounds of gunfire. The other option was to make a run for the barn with the loft inside. It was about ten feet from the open barn door. Something in Aaron’s gut told him this was the only option where _y/n_ lived. Aaron didn’t care if he died; he just needed _y/n_ to live. 

So with his soul telling him, compelling him forward, Aaron dismounted, pulled _y/n_ over his broad shoulders, and ran the fastest he had ever run before. 

Step, step step, breath. Step, step, step breath. Pothole. Twisted ankle. Step, step, step, shooting pain up the leg. The reek of dog breath, and teeth at his legs. Breath. Door, ladder, Teeth in the leg, Foot to dogs mouth, Last step. 

Aaron’s heart felt like it might burst, and his muscles had never hurt so much, never been pushed so hard. However, there wasn’t time for that, as one of the dogs had used its legs to get to the top of the ladder. Not even thinking of his gun, Aaron kicked at the dog's head, trying to avoid the now bloody and snapping teeth. When the dog had fallen, Aaron used his hands to tear the old ladder from the loft sending it crashing to the ground below. Even though the ladder was old, it was rusted in place with only Aaron’s adrenaline that allowed him to get it off the loft. Hotch slumped back next to _y/n_. How he had managed to get them both up the ladder, he wasn’t sure. Aaron pushed _y/n_ to the wall and lay very closely pressed to them as there wasn’t room for both of their bodies in the loft. Aaron was half in shock. He didn’t really hear the gunshots from the officers below, but he could somehow feel the heat from the blowback and saw the light flash from the ignitions. The noise seemed to rouse _y/n_ more, and Hotch moved to cover their ears. He was blocking their view of below with his body. Even he didn’t want to see what lay beneath the loft, but after a few minutes, whatever chaos had been happening stopped. Aaron could now see the red and blue lights of either an ambulance or police car on the wall of the barn. Sound suddenly rushed back into Hotch’s senses. He also registered the pain in his body and leg where he had been bitten. Due to his shock, Aaron felt like stuff happened to him for the next two hours. Aaron did make sure that _y/n_ got into the first ambulance that had arrived even though they started saying that he needed it more because he was hurt and they weren’t. In the end, it didn’t matter as the only other ambulance from the small local hospital arrived shortly after. Hotch was given a local anesthetic in his left leg which had been bitten to the muscle below. Aaron was so exhausted, and now that he knew that _y/n_ was safe, he closed his eyes and let everything else that was happening to and around him just wash over him like a flood

It turned out that Aaron needed ten stitches for his bites and a set of antibiotics to make sure that he didn’t let the bite get infected. _y/n_ had been given a larger dose of Tiletamine and they needed to be kept on close observation as that medication was related but not the same as Ketamine and the side effects of that drug on humans were not known as it wasn’t a drug not meant to be used on humans. _y/n_ felt queasy and said they had a bad headache and were weak, but thankfully the symptoms didn’t get much worse than that. After a few hours of close monitoring for both Aaorn and _y/n_. The hospital staff felt that both agents would pull out without too much physical damage. However, the hospital required Aaron to stay put until the local anesthetic wore off so they could assess his pain, and that _y/n_ stay for a full twenty-four hours to ensure there were no long-lasting side effects of the drugs they had been given. Rossi went in and checked on Hotch first, letting him know that _y/n_ was going okay apart from some slight discomfort and nausea. He then explained what had happened since Aaron had been out of the loop for around three hours. How the police had handled most of the dogs by the time the rest of the BAU had arrived. How Jason Karon had been taken into custody and his father had agreed to throw his flesh and blood under the bus for a potentially lighter sentence once he found out that his son had been caught. How Jeffrey Karon had delusions about his wife coming home, how Jason had all the makings of a psychopath, and how together the father and son had made a fun hobby of killing anyone unlucky enough to land on their farm that they both wanted to protect with their lives. Hotch listened with disgust at the narrative and how so many had died for nothing more than a game, a distraction. He reflected on how in some cases, no one seemed to win. There were just losers. But then again, _y/n_ could have died. He could have died. Not that he valued his life much, but _y/n_ was physically okay, and that was enough of a positive to let him relax just a little bit into the bed. Rossi looked down at Aaron from his chair, gave his friend a pat on the shoulder, and said, “You did everything you could, and sometimes that just has to be enough. 

The next morning, _y/n_, who had been given some medication to help them sleep, woke to Aaron sitting by their bedside. They rubbed the sleep from their eyes and looked over the parts of their love that they could see. _y/n_ noticed the bandaging on Aaron’s leg, and they asked, “Should you be out of bed?” Hotch chuckled and tried to lighten the mood by saying, “Oh, I just had to fight two nurses to get here from my room.” _y/n_ leveled him with a glare that had him honestly say, “But seriously, they let me out last night after you were under. Rossi insisted that I not stay here all night waiting for you to wake up.” That got a small smile from _y/n_, and they replied, “Remind me to send Rossi a thank you card when we get home.” Aaron laughed again and rolled his eyes before asking, “How are you feeling today? I’m sure the nurses will be in here in a moment to ask you the same, but I’d like to hear it first.” _y/n_ took a moment to think about their physical state before saying, “Better. I still have a bit of a headache, but much better than last night.” Hotch nodded and then looked to the door as two nurses entered the room as he had guessed. The medical staff asked Aaron to sit in one of the chairs near the wall as they performed some routine checks on _y/n_ and assessed their vital signs. After the nurses had given _y/n_ a dose of medication to make sure they remained stable, they left Aaron and _y/n_ alone again, promising to be back in half an hour to check up on _y/n_.

When they had gone, Aaron moved back to his prior seat. _y/n_ held out their hands for Hotch and he took it in his, running his thumb over their knuckles. Aaron looked up and _y/n_ was looking at him with sad eyes, like they knew something already, but they wished it wasn’t true. _y/n_ had a vague memory of some of yesterday, but with the drugs and the excitement, it had seemed to fade; they asked Hotch softly, “Tell me what happened yesterday. Everything that happened.” Aaron hesitated before replying, “_y/n_, it’s not very pleasant. Maybe you should wait a bit.” _y/n_ sighed and said, “Once the team comes to see me they’ll talk about it and I’d rather hear it from you. I do remember the doctor telling me I’m stuck here for twenty-four hours last night which leaves me with about ten hours to spare.” Aaron sighed before realizing that they were right. He recounted the events of the former day to _y/n_. They squeezed his hand as he described how he’d gotten them out of the field and to the barn. How he couldn’t let them die, and how that had saved his own life. _y/n_ didn’t have the right words to thank him for saving their life at that moment, but Aaron could see it, the look of thanks in their eyes. Instead of saying anything else, he leaned down and kissed _y/n_’s forehead. His lips lingered on their skin. Aaron knew that they had saved each other in an unspoken way. Aaron couldn’t let _y/n_ die, and deep down, he knew that they’d never forgive him if he’d died yesterday either, which had pushed him to run instead of shooting at the dogs. _y/n_ seemed to notice his shift in thoughts, and they asked, “And the dogs?” Aaron knew they would ask about the dogs soon. As someone who cherished animals, he knew his response would bring _y/n_ pain. Hotch pulled back and just nodded his head no, indicating the worst. _y/n_ closed their eyes and let out a half breath, half sob, saying, “They didn’t do anything wrong. They didn’t know what was happening.” Aaron squeezed their hand and said, “I know, love. But maybe it was a mercy. They weren’t treated well, and I heard from one of the officers that a lot of them looked sick. The state wouldn’t have let them live, and they went quickly.” A few tears fell from _y/n_’s eyes, but they nodded ever so slightly, wanting to believe Aaron. Trusting what he said, even if he had fibbed, even if they could hear him lying to make them feel better. _y/n_ opened their eyes and asked, “What about the dogs from in the house? Those were good dogs? Nice dogs.” Aaron replied, “I’m not sure. I didn’t think about them when we got back to the farm. I’ll call the Sheriff later and see what he says. Maybe animal control came and took them before we got back.” _y/n_ nodded, also remembering how the other dogs had been gone once they arrived. They hoped that at least those dogs that they had petted on the first visit to the barn would find good forever homes, far away from the farm. Far away from Kansas. 

Later that evening, _y/n_ was discharged, and the following day, the team was headed back to Quantico after the largest thank you from Sheriff Weiss. Aaron ever so slightly accepted the gratitude but knew with a weariness that another, possibly worse case was waiting for them on JJ’s desk, and the two men shook hands. On the plane, Hotch and _y/n_ both took their mid-day meds from the hospital. _y/n_’s medication left them drowsy, and they moved to sit next to Aaron on the couch, slipping on their headphones and slipping their right hand into his. _y/n_ nestled slightly closer into his side and rested their head on his shoulder. Aaron pressed a kiss to _y/n_’s temple and moved back to the file in his hand. After about twenty minutes, the words began swimming in front of his eyes, and Aaron closed the file and realized he was defeated for the moment. Hotch tapped _y/n_ on the shoulder, and they roused a bit, mumbling, “What is it, Aaron?” Wordlessly, he put out a hand for one of their headphones. _y/n_ smiled and handed one over. Hotch slipped the earbud into his right ear and let the soft soundtrack of Hozier’s “Francesca,” “Northern Attitude,” and _y/n_’s favorite Unknown / Nth” envelope him like a hug. Aaron realized that whenever he listened to this playlist, he could picture _y/n_ so clearly in his mind. Their time together. The soft longing in the Irish man’s voice had become a connection for how much he loved and longed to spend his days with _y/n_. As he slipped off to sleep, he pictured them back home, already nestled in bed, under the covers, skin to skin. His face rested in a calm facade for once as the jet flew thousands of miles above the ground, taking them home. 

When they all got back to Virginia, the team went to their separate houses, Aaron and _y/n_ arrived home, ready for some sleep. Aaron went to the kitchen to make them an early dinner while _y/n_ unpacked their go bags and replaced their dirty clothes with fresh ones whenever the next case came their way. Turning on the light, _y/n_ caught sight of their reflection in the mirror, reminded them of how Hotch had looked at himself before the case, the way he spoke of himself. _y/n_ remembered the idea of getting him into a warm bath and showering him with praise while they sat by the side of the tub, rubbing his shoulders and massaging his scalp. The idea sent a flush through them, and they were determined to make it happen after all they had been through on the last case. _y/n_ had to wait a few days until Aaron could be safely submerged in water. His leg had significantly healed, and he was now putting on a topical antibiotic cream to the bite area instead of the stronger oral tablets he’d been taking before. It was Wednesday evening, and _y/n_ sent Hotch off on a short errand to get some tomato sauce and zucchini for dinner. While he was gone, _y/n_ filled the tub with hot water, lit some of their _y/f/c_’s, and dimmed the lights to low in the bedroom. _y/n_ also put a sheet over the standing mirror in the bedroom and a towel over the mirror in the bathroom. This was about Aaron cherishing his body, not putting it under a microscope. Just when all of this was done, _y/n_ heard Aaron enter the apartment and set the grocery bags on the counter. _y/n_ slipped out of the bedroom and found Aaron, kissing him. Hotch smiled at them, and as _y/n_ wordlessly pulled him into the bedroom, he didn’t question it or protest. Aaron did, however, look a bit taken aback as _y/n_ started undoing the buttons of his shirt He asked softly, “Is everything alright, sweetheart?” _y/n_ smiled at him tenderly and said, “It will be when you have your clothes off.” Aaron flushed. _y/n_ was rarely so brazen, and he didn’t know what this was about, but he didn’t stop himself from undoing his belt and sliding his trousers to the ground. Now that his shirt and pants were off, and his skin exposed to the cool air of the room he took _y/n_’s hand and looked at the bed as if asking if they wanted to move there now. _y/n_ leaned down a bit and kissed his chest, running their hands down his torso and beneath the band of his underwear. Hotch took in a sharp breath, flexing his muscles. _y/n_ pulled his last article of clothing down and simultaneously began gently sucking on one of the scars Foyett had left on his upper torso.

Aaron whispered their name and made to move to the bed, but _y/n_ said, “Actually, I drew you a warm bath. I, I kind of thought you might need something relaxing after that last case.” Hotch’s dark eyes changed from something filled with desire to a different kind of want; to be shown affection, and his gaze softened ever so slightly as he whispered, “Would you lead the way?” _y/n_ nodded, taking his hand as they led him to the bathroom. They checked the temperature of the water, and it felt perfect. Aaron kissed _y/n_ once more before settling in the tub. He lowered himself slowly into the water, letting it lap at his thighs, groin, and finally, his chest. He let out a sigh at how comforting the bath felt. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d treated himself to something like this. He could sense _y/n_ move behind him with soft steps and then get onto their knees near the lip of the tub. _y/n_ dipped their hands in the water and ran them over his broad, muscled shoulders, which were tight from the stress he kept in his neck and upper back. As _y/n_ began running firm hands over the knots, Aaron turned his head to the side and asked, “Would you get in with me, _y/n_?” _y/n_ paused, and though that had not been their original plan, a bath with Aaron sounded like bliss. _y/n_ put their head near this mouth and said, “Okay. Just give me a moment to put away the groceries. I’ll grab you a drink too.” Hotch smiled and nodded. He was happy that if he was going to be so relaxed, that _y/n_ would get to revel in it too. 

Aaron didn’t think much about how long _y/n_ was taking to put away the groceries, get him a drink, and then strip in the next room. He kept his eyes closed and pictured _y/n_ and really, without thinking about it, started humming _y/n_’s favorite song. When the tune to the chorus came around, he murmured the words as well in his soft tenor voice. Little did he know that _y/n_ was standing in the doorway listening to him. When _y/n_ stepped forward, he stopped immediately as if embarrassed for singing aloud. _y/n_ didn’t comment yet as they stepped into view, now stripped of their clothes. Aaron looked up at them, reveling in the sight of them fully revealed to him. Not that he didn’t see this every day, but it never failed to take the breath from him. _y/n_ handed him a chilled glass with an amber liquid inside saying, “Thought you might enjoy a scotch.” Aaron downright beamed at _y/n_’s thoughtfulness and said, “You’re singing my song.” _y/n_ smiled and cheekily replied, as they got into the bath, “Actually, I think you were singing my song.” Hotch flushed, as he took his first sip of his drink. There was a silence before _y/n_ asked, “Would you sing the rest of it for me? I don’t think I’ve ever really heard you sing before.” Aaron spluttered for a second, and he said, “Probably because I’m not a good singer, _y/n_. I think my talents lie elsewhere.” _y/n_ gave a soft pout and said, “I think you sounded lovely before. Please, Aaron.” Hotch knew he could never refuse them, and he steeled himself as he finished singing the third verse, bridge, and chorus of Hozier’s lyrics. He was shocked that the words just came to him, as he’d never actually looked them up before. But he guessed he’d just heard it so often and listened to _y/n_ sing them in the car or the shower that they had soaked into his neural paths naturally. After he finished, he looked to _y/n_ for some response.

Their smile told him what he needed to know, and he relaxed back more fully. For a moment there was just the soft sound of water lapping at their bodies. Eventually, _y/n_ said, “You know I love every part of you, right?” Aaron opened his eyes and met _y/n_’s as he responded with, “_y/n_ I…” He dropped the sentence because he didn’t know how to finish it. He did know that they loved every part of him, but he felt this was more than just about their perception of him. Aaron’s silence told _y/n_ that he was thinking and they gently said, “I mean it, Aaron. I love your mind that’s sharp as a razor, and I love your determination to do the right thing and protect people, and I love your body too. No matter how you change with age and time, nothing is going to stop me from loving you wholly. I need you to know that. I wouldn’t be here right now if it hadn’t been for all three of those things a week back.” The cynical side of his brain had him say, “_y/n_, that was all adrenaline in the heat of the moment.” _y/n_ scoffed at his logic slightly and said, “And? So what? That was your adrenaline that saved me. No one else's. Not the cop’s, not Derek’s. It was you who put your body on the line for me and didn’t let me die in a field in Kansas. You think you’re not capable of things because you’re getting older, but me being here is proof that you’re more capable than you know. And you always will be Aaron.” Hotch felt the weight of their words and emotions in _y/n_’s statement, and he almost started crying. He looked at _y/n_ through bleary eyes and said, “Thank you for taking care of me, _y/n_.” That was all he could get out without letting his tears actually fall. _y/n_ gave him a soft smile of understanding and opened their legs to make space for him, and they patted their chest for him to lean on. Aaron moved so his back was against their chest, and _y/n_ said, “Always, Aaron. We’ll always be there for each other.” Aaron closed his eyes and chose to let go of his negative thoughts for now. Choosing to accept _y/n_’s reality. Choosing to believe that he was worthy. As he settled back into their embrace, _y/n_ started working his aching muscles with their hands, whispering words of praise. He knew he had made it home.

______________________________________________________________

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[disneyprincemuke]

This is your daily reminder of the existence of

Prince Logan, ftfn and Barbie!driver

lea leave me alone

[stellarspecter]

STWG daily prompt 2/11/24: date night

pairing: platonic stobin

wc: 1000

Robin felt like a cat, curled up on Steve’s chest, her cheek pressed to his ribs and his hand running through her hair. The wine was making her sleepy and silly, and with her favorite dingus she had no reason to act like anything other than herself. So she felt completely safe to hold him tighter and nuzzle her face into his shirt, chasing the sensation of the soft fabric on her skin. The surface beneath her rumbled with laughter.

“Birdie, what’re you doing?” 

She looked up at Steve’s smiling face, the crease at the corner of his eyes as familiar to her as her own skin. “You feel nice.”

“Do I?” He asked, bemused. He really shouldn’t be. It wasn’t like she hadn’t done stuff like this before.

Robin nodded against his chest, feeling the softness again. “You should wear this shirt every day.” It was just a worn out t-shirt, but right now it was the height of fashion in her tipsy brain.

Steve chuckled. “Don’t think it’d stay soft if I did that.”

Robin made an unhappy noise at that, but didn’t bother to respond with words. He’d get what she meant. 

Steve let her keep nuzzling against him for a minute or two before he spoke again with a soft pat to her sides. “C’mon, Rob, time to get up.”

She groaned again. “Comfyyyy.”

“We could be even comfier in bed,” Steve tried to reason with her. 

Robin opened her eyes and squinted across the room. That’s right, they were still on the couch. There was still an empty popcorn bowl and bottle of wine on the coffee table, debris leftover from their Platonic Soulmate Date Night, in which they watched whichever shitty romcoms got the worst reviews that week at work. This week’s movie had been so boring that Robin had started entertaining herself by throwing popcorn in Steve’s mouth — a normal Tuesday for them.

But being in bed… now that was tempting. It was much comfier than the couch, which Robin knew from the many times a week that she slept over. Steve had one of those rich people mattresses that felt perfect on her back, and so many blankets to bundle up in. 

“Okay,” she agreed. “Let’s go to bed.”

Steve waited a beat. “You have to get off of me for us to do that.”

“Oh, right.” Robin sat up and clambered off of him, the head rush making her see spots for a second. Steve steadied her with a hand in the small of her back as she wobbled, then led her upstairs. 

They flopped down in bed with a groan, Robin immediately cozying up to Steve again. Usually when they shared a bed, they ended up spooning, or with Robin using Steve’s broad chest as a pillow. Tonight, she pulled him to face her, pressing their foreheads together for a moment. They were too close together to make proper eye contact, but she tried anyway, his eyes blurring together into one. 

“Love you, Robbie,” Steve said, hushed in the quiet of the room. By now it was a familiar phrase, but Robin still felt pinpricks of tears at the reminder. She tucked her head into the crook of his neck.

“Love you, dingus.” The words were muffled against his skin, but he still heard them. She could feel him exhale contentedly, snuggled into him as she was.

His skin was soft against her face, even better than the t-shirt, because this was the real deal. She rubbed her cheek against him, slower than before, soft and gentle. His jaw knocked against her forehead, so she moved a little higher, the bridge of her nose at the hinge of his jaw, her eye socket level with his lips. 

She felt even more like a cat than she had on the couch. She was pretty sure she had seen her parent’s cat Rowan do this before. He would press his face into a soft surface over and over, paws kneading whatever it was until he was satisfied. The only difference here was that Robin wasn’t doing anything with her hands except hold on.

Steve didn’t seem to mind. She knew that he liked cuddling — they’d talked about it before and did it often enough that it was obvious. She didn’t usually get this touchy, though. Or at least, not in this way. At the moment, though, she couldn’t remember why when it felt so good. 

The rhythmic movement of her face gradually moved up and up until Steve and Robin were cheek to cheek. She moved up and down, enjoying the scratch of his stubble against her cheek. She didn’t notice until she slowed down, but Steve was moving with her, going the opposite direction for her to rub against. She stopped for a moment, and he kept going, fully in it, moving down so that now he was nuzzled against her neck and her cheek was pressed against his hair.

Robin smiled to herself, a little teary that her favorite person was turning out to be weird in all the same ways that she was. She moved back down, pressing their faces together against the other cheek this time, making the stimulation even across both sides. They picked up speed, enthusiastically rubbing their faces together in the most platonic way possible.

It was funny, Robin thought, that this was maybe the most intimate she had ever been with another person, and she wasn’t even a little tempted to kiss him. In a way, this felt closer than kissing. It wasn’t limited to just mouths and tongues and teeth, it was cheeks and necks and foreheads, skin against blissful skin. If she could purr, she would be.

They slowed down, mutually losing steam. It was late, the bed was soft, they were wrapped in each other’s arms. The tiredness didn’t have to fight hard.

Their eyes closed, their bodies entwined, and they slept, a perfect end to a perfect Platonic Soulmate Date Night.

[maigamal]

Learning to Memorize the Quran from Home: A Modern Approach

For many people around the world, memorizing the Quran is a meaningful and deeply personal journey. It's a path that requires time, focus, and dedication. With the growth of online learning, this once location-dependent goal has become more accessible than ever. Today, students of all ages are choosing to study from home, and Quran Memorization Online is gaining popularity for good reason.

Traditionally, people needed to attend local mosques or centers to study with a teacher. While that’s still an option, not everyone has access to qualified instructors nearby. Some live in areas where Islamic education is limited. Others have busy schedules that make regular in-person classes difficult. Online memorization programs fill this gap by connecting students with skilled teachers through virtual classrooms.

One of the biggest benefits of online memorization is flexibility. Students can often choose class times that fit their daily routine. Whether it’s early in the morning before school or late in the evening after work, the schedule can be shaped around other commitments. This flexibility can make a big difference, especially for working adults and children with school or extracurricular activities.

Another advantage is the personalized pace. Every student is different. Some may memorize quickly, while others take more time. In an online setting, teachers can tailor lessons to match the student’s ability. There’s less pressure to keep up with a group and more opportunity for focused, one-on-one attention.

Many online teachers use a variety of tools to help with memorization. These might include digital whiteboards, audio recordings, and review sessions. Some platforms also offer progress tracking, so students and parents can see how much has been memorized over time. This combination of visual and auditory learning methods can support memorization and make it easier to retain verses.

Of course, commitment is still required. Memorizing the Quran isn’t something that happens overnight. It involves consistent review, daily effort, and strong support. Even with the convenience of online learning, the role of the teacher remains essential. A good teacher encourages discipline, corrects mistakes, and provides motivation along the way.

Parents often play a key role too, especially when younger children are learning. Their encouragement, reminders, and involvement in revision sessions can help keep things on track. In a way, online memorization brings the whole family into the process, turning it into a shared spiritual goal.

While it may seem challenging at first, many people who start online memorization are surprised by how manageable it becomes over time. With steady effort and the right guidance, progress builds gradually, and students often find that their connection to the Quran grows deeper with each verse.

Choosing the right program and teacher can take a bit of research. It’s worth looking into options, reading reviews, and asking questions before committing. A strong match between teacher and student can make the experience much more rewarding.

In the end, Quran Memorization Online offers a way for more people to begin or continue their memorization journey no matter where they are. It brings learning into the comfort of home, opening doors that once seemed far away. With patience and regular practice, the goal that once felt distant can become a reality.

[jabcblog1]

Unlock Your Potential: Practical Self-Motivation Tips for Everyday Success

Self-motivation is a powerful force that drives us to achieve our goals and improve our lives. It’s the spark that pushes us to get out of bed in the morning, work hard, and keep moving forward, even when things get tough. However, staying motivated isn’t always easy. Life has its ups and downs, and it can sometimes feel challenging to maintain that drive. But with the right mindset and strategies, self-motivation can become an ongoing habit that fuels success in every area of your life. SELF MOTIVATED

In this post, we’ll explore practical self-motivation tips that can help you unlock your potential and stay focused on your goals. Whether you want to advance in your career, develop healthier habits, or achieve personal milestones, these tips will give you the tools to stay motivated and keep progressing.

1. Set Clear, Achievable Goals

The first step to self-motivation is having a clear vision of what you want to achieve. Setting specific, measurable, and achievable goals is essential to stay motivated. When you have a clear destination in mind, it’s easier to map out the steps you need to take to get there.

Start by breaking down larger goals into smaller, more manageable tasks. This way, you can celebrate small wins along the way, which will help you maintain your momentum. For example, if your goal is to run a marathon, start by setting a goal to run a specific distance each week. As you hit these smaller milestones, you’ll feel motivated to continue pushing forward.

2. Develop a Positive Mindset

Self-motivation thrives on a positive mindset. When you believe in your ability to succeed, it becomes easier to take action and stay focused. Positive thinking doesn’t mean ignoring challenges, but it does mean reframing setbacks as learning experiences rather than obstacles.

One effective way to develop a positive mindset is through daily affirmations. Positive affirmations are statements that you repeat to yourself to reinforce your belief in your abilities. For example, you might say, "I am capable of achieving my goals" or "I have the strength to overcome any challenge." Repeating these affirmations every day can help shift your mindset and keep you motivated.

3. Create a Routine and Stick to It

A consistent routine can be a powerful tool for maintaining self-motivation. By creating habits and rituals that support your goals, you can reduce decision fatigue and make progress without having to rely on willpower alone.

Start by establishing a daily routine that includes time for both work and relaxation. Set aside specific times for exercise, work, meals, and even leisure activities. The more structured your day, the less energy you’ll need to put into getting started, as your actions will become automatic. Over time, your routine will help keep you on track and make self-motivation easier to maintain.

4. Stay Accountable

Accountability is a key factor in staying motivated. When you share your goals with others, you create a sense of responsibility that can encourage you to stay on track. Whether it’s a friend, family member, or coworker, having someone to check in with can keep you accountable and motivated to follow through.

Alternatively, you can join a group or online community that shares similar goals. The support and encouragement from others can help you stay motivated, especially on days when you feel discouraged. Sometimes, simply knowing that others are rooting for you can make all the difference.

5. Reward Yourself

Celebrating your progress is an important part of staying motivated. Acknowledging your achievements, no matter how small, reinforces positive behavior and encourages you to keep going. When you reach a goal or milestone, reward yourself with something that makes you feel good—whether it’s a treat, a day off, or a small indulgence.

This positive reinforcement can create a cycle of motivation, as it reminds you that your hard work leads to rewards. Over time, these small celebrations will fuel your desire to achieve even more.

6. Visualize Success

Visualization is a powerful tool that many successful individuals use to stay motivated. By imagining yourself achieving your goals, you create a mental image of success that can inspire you to take action. Whether it’s visualizing yourself finishing a project, running a race, or receiving recognition for your work, seeing yourself succeed can boost your confidence and motivation.

Take a few minutes each day to close your eyes and visualize the outcome you desire. Picture the steps you’ll take to get there, and imagine the satisfaction of accomplishing your goal. This practice can help reinforce your motivation and keep you focused on what you want to achieve.

7. Embrace Challenges and Learn from Setbacks

No journey is without its challenges. There will be times when you encounter obstacles, and setbacks are inevitable. The key to maintaining self-motivation during difficult times is to view challenges as opportunities for growth.

Instead of getting discouraged, try to learn from each setback. Ask yourself what went wrong, what you could do differently next time, and how you can improve moving forward. Embracing challenges will help you build resilience and stay motivated, even when things don’t go as planned.

Conclusion

Self-motivation is a skill that anyone can develop with practice and the right strategies. By setting clear goals, developing a positive mindset, sticking to a routine, staying accountable, and rewarding yourself, you can build lasting motivation that drives you toward success. Remember, the journey to achieving your goals is just as important as the destination. With the right mindset and persistence, you’ll unlock your potential and create a life that aligns with your dreams. Keep pushing forward, and don’t forget to celebrate the small wins along the way!

Read more: Personal Growth

[readingsofgrace]

Brushstrokes of March: 32 and counting, museums, and new discoveries

March is my birth month, and as I turn 32—officially stepping beyond the traditional calendar years—I find myself reflecting on how my perspective on life has changed. Gone are the days when I sought grand celebrations or expected birthday greetings from everyone. Now, I find comfort in keeping things simple and low-key. I no longer feel the urge to dine in expensive restaurants or indulge in lavish experiences just to mark the occasion. Instead, I find happiness in quiet moments, in the warmth of everyday life. A peaceful walk is enough to clear my mind, bring me serenity, and remind me of how truly blessed I am. There is no longer a need for extravagance—just a heart filled with gratitude and a life lived in contentment.

I told my husband that instead of a big birthday celebration, I wanted something simple—just a day of visiting museums and a quick stop at IKEA. He immediately agreed, which made me happy because it meant we were on the same page. Originally, my plan was quite ambitious. I wanted to visit the three biggest museums in the Philippines and take a stroll through Intramuros, soaking in the rich history of old Manila. But as with most well-laid plans, time didn’t cooperate. We ended up only visiting the National Museum of Fine Arts.

I had been to the National Museum before, back in 2017, but at that time, I didn’t really appreciate it. Maybe I was younger, distracted, or simply not as interested in art back then. This time, though, it felt different. As I walked through the museum halls, I found myself slowing down, taking in every painting, every sculpture, and every little detail with a new sense of admiration. The artwork that caught my heart the most were the paintings of Fernando Amorsolo. I’ve always known about his work, but seeing them again as an adult—especially on my birthday—felt special. There’s something about his paintings that feels so alive, as if they’re glowing from within. His use of light, the way he captures daily life, the serenity in his countryside scenes—it’s like stepping into a peaceful, simpler time. Just standing in front of his work made me feel calm, as if I could hear the laughter of the people in his paintings or feel the warmth of the sun he so beautifully painted.

It wasn’t just me who enjoyed the visit—my husband did too. He has always appreciated art, and it made me so happy to see him truly engaged, stopping in front of certain pieces, admiring the brushwork, and pointing out details I might have missed. Sharing that experience with him made the visit even more meaningful.

One thing I really love about the National Museum is that it’s free for everyone. It’s open from Monday to Sunday, and I honestly think more people should take advantage of it. There’s something so refreshing about spending time surrounded by history and art without having to spend a single peso. It’s a reminder that beauty and knowledge are accessible to all—you just need the time and willingness to explore.

Since we only got to visit two museums, we’ve already planned our next trip. We’re hoping to explore the National Museum of Anthropology and the National Museum of Natural History next. And of course, Fort Santiago is high on my list. I’ve read that you can book a tour guide there, and if you buy tickets through Klook, a guided tour might already be included. That sounds like such a great way to fully experience the place, rather than just wandering around without context.

I’ve always had a fascination with history, especially anything related to our ancestors and the past events that shaped our country. There’s something deeply moving about being in a place filled with relics from the past, knowing that each item has a story to tell. I’m particularly drawn to artifacts from World War I and II, not just because of their historical significance, but because they represent real people, real struggles, and real moments of resilience. Learning about what they went through—how they lived, how they survived, and how they fought for the life we now enjoy—makes me appreciate history even more.

This birthday may not have been grand or extravagant, but it was exactly what I wanted—a peaceful day spent learning new things, appreciating art, and making memories with my husband. It was simple, but it made me happy. And honestly, that’s more than enough for me.

After we finished exploring the National Museum of Fine Arts, we booked a Grab to Mall of Asia because it was already lunchtime, and we were getting really hungry. The original plan was to eat at Ambos, a well-known restaurant, but unfortunately, we couldn’t find it. We kept looking for it, but after some time, we decided to try another place instead. Our next option was Juan Bistro, but when we got there, it was fully packed with customers, and there was no available table for us. Since we were already starving, we just picked the next restaurant we saw, which happened to be Congo Grill.

We didn’t expect much, but to our surprise, the food was really delicious! I especially loved the pinakbet—it had the perfect mix of flavors, and I couldn’t stop eating it. Even though this restaurant wasn’t part of our original plan, it turned out to be a great choice, and we were happy with our meal. After eating, we paid the bill and decided to continue our day by walking around the mall.

One of our stops was Muji. The moment I entered the store, I went straight to the stationery section and started picking out pens. I love writing down my thoughts, whether it’s in a notebook or my Bible journal, so I couldn’t resist buying more pens. I ended up hoarding quite a few because I knew I would be using them a lot. There’s just something so satisfying about having good-quality pens, especially when you love journaling.

After that, we headed to IKEA. I love going there, not just to shop but also to look around and get ideas for organizing and decorating. This time, we made sure to only buy things that we needed, not just things that we wanted. It’s always tempting to grab extra stuff, but we controlled ourselves and stuck to the essentials. It felt good knowing that everything we bought was something useful for our home.

To end our day, we went to Festival Mall and stopped by Starbucks for coffee. We just sat there, relaxing and talking, enjoying the quiet moment together. It was the perfect way to slow down and reflect on the day. But before heading home, we made one last stop—at a small street food stall, where we bought kwek-kwek for merienda. I love simple snacks like this, and it felt like the perfect way to wrap up our little adventure.

Looking back, I realize that I don’t need anything fancy or expensive to be happy. This birthday was proof that simple moments—like visiting a museum, eating good food, buying pens, shopping for home essentials, and enjoying a cup of coffee—can bring so much joy. What made it even more special was being able to spend it with my husband, just enjoying each other’s company.

This birthday was not just about celebrating another year of life, but also about appreciating the little things that make life beautiful. And for that, I am truly grateful.

This month has been a time of slowing down, spending more quiet moments with Jesus, and diving deeper into His Word. I started reading the book of Matthew with the goal of finishing the entire Gospel. There's something so comforting about taking the time to sit down with the Bible, allowing His words to speak to my heart. To make this a more intentional habit, I began going to coffee shops, not just to study, but also to find a peaceful space where I could relax and reflect.

In moments of desperation, fear, and anxiety, Jesus' words have been my greatest source of comfort. They lift me up and remind me that I am never alone, no matter what I face. This quiet time with Him has become my refuge, my safe place, and I love that I am making it a regular part of my life.

Another thing I’m really excited about is the Bible journaling group I recently started in our church. I’ve been wanting to do this for a while, and now it’s finally happening! Our first meet-up is scheduled for April 11 at a coffee shop, and I can’t wait to gather with others who share the same love for God’s Word. I hope this group becomes a space where we can grow in faith together, encourage one another, and creatively express what we learn from the Bible.

Aside from these quiet and meaningful moments, this month also brought unexpected adventures. We took a spontaneous trip to the beach in Batangas. It wasn’t planned at all—because, as they say, the best trips are the ones that happen out of the blue! Funny how whenever we try to plan something ahead of time, it rarely pushes through, but when it's last-minute, it actually happens!

We spent the day by the shore, grilling food and enjoying the fresh sea breeze. We had grilled meat, hotdogs for the kids, and my personal favorite—ensaladang talong with salted eggs. There’s something about simple meals by the beach that just makes them taste even better.

In the afternoon, we decided to go island hopping. I have to admit, I was really scared at first because the waves were big, and for a moment, I thought we wouldn't make it. But by God's grace, we arrived safely. When we finally reached the island, I just stood there in awe, taking in the beauty of the place. The crashing waves, the endless sky, the peaceful surroundings—it was breathtaking. Looking at it all, I was reminded that no one else could have created something this magnificent except Jesus Himself.

This month has been a mix of stillness and adventure, of quiet reflection and spontaneous joy. And through it all, I’ve felt God's presence in every moment—whether in the pages of my Bible, in the peaceful atmosphere of a coffee shop, or in the vast beauty of the ocean. It’s a reminder that He is everywhere, always near, and always ready to speak if we just take the time to listen.

This month was truly special because it was when the KOICA Korean volunteers held a seminar for us teachers about music and arts! From the moment we stepped into the venue, I could tell that a lot of effort had been put into organizing the event. Everything was well-planned, and the speakers were passionate about sharing their knowledge. I was really looking forward to learning new techniques that I could use in my teaching, especially for my young students, and I wasn’t disappointed—there was so much to take away from the experience!

One of the activities that stood out to me was a creative exercise where we were asked to scribble freely on a piece of paper while listening to music. At first, it seemed like just a fun little task, but then the speaker told us to carefully observe our scribbles and see if we could find hidden images—maybe an animal, a shape, or something that resembled an object. After that, we were asked to use a marker to outline what we saw. I was amazed at how our random scribbles could turn into actual pictures when we looked at them differently! This activity was so simple yet so brilliant because it encourages children to use their imagination and see things beyond just lines and shapes. It’s a great way to spark creativity in young minds, and I can’t wait to try it in my own classroom.

Another art activity that I absolutely loved was the painting experiment. We started by splattering different colors of paint onto a blank sheet of paper—letting the colors fall wherever they wanted. Then, we dipped a piece of yarn into the paint, placed it on the paper, and carefully pulled it across the surface. The moment I lifted the string, I was stunned. The patterns left behind formed something that looked like a jellyfish gracefully floating through ocean waves. I stared at it for a while, mesmerized by how it turned out. The speaker then asked us to give our artwork a title, so I named mine The Jellyfish Waltz—because the jellyfish truly looked like they were dancing to the music playing in the background. The entire process felt so surreal, and it made me realize how freeing and expressive art can be when you let go of control and just allow creativity to flow.

Then came the music seminar, and I absolutely loved every part of it! There’s something so powerful about music, especially in early childhood education, and I was thrilled that KOICA and UNICEF provided us with musical instrument kits for our students. I could already picture my kids’ faces lighting up as they explored new sounds, played with different instruments, and discovered the joy of making music. It’s amazing to think about how something as simple as rhythm and melody can make learning more engaging and meaningful for children.

But the most unexpected moment of the seminar came toward the end. Teacher Anj was originally supposed to give the reflection speech, but since she wasn’t feeling well, they asked me if I could do it instead. Without hesitation, I said yes. I’ve always believed that when an opportunity presents itself, you should take it—because you never know what it could lead to. Public speaking isn’t something I do every day, but I saw this as a chance to share my thoughts, represent my fellow teachers, and express our gratitude for everything we learned that day.

As I stood in front of everyone, I felt the weight of all eyes on me. The KOICA Country Director and our mayor were both in attendance, listening intently as I spoke. For a brief moment, nerves started to creep in, but I quickly reminded myself why I was there. I took a deep breath and let my words flow. I shared how much the seminar had impacted us, how the activities inspired us, and how excited we were to bring what we learned back to our students. As I spoke, I felt a sense of calm wash over me, and I knew deep in my heart that the Lord was with me in that moment. He gave me the courage to stand there, the words to say, and the confidence to deliver my speech without fear.

Looking back on this entire experience, I feel nothing but gratitude. This seminar wasn’t just about learning new teaching techniques—it was about creativity, self-expression, and stepping outside our comfort zones. It was a reminder that art and music are not just subjects to be taught but powerful tools that can inspire, heal, and bring people together. Most of all, it was another moment where I felt God’s presence, guiding me and giving me the strength to embrace every opportunity that comes my way.

This month has been filled with so many meaningful experiences, and I can’t wait to see how these lessons will shape me not just as a teacher, but as a person.

[the-haunted-office]

🍈 - How do they calm down when they are upset? Would they act differently trying to calm down in a group setting versus all alone?

🍑 - Describe a bad day they recently experienced (not necessarily dramatic/tragic) and how they handled it. Did they break down? Did they withdraw?

🍇 - Who has the greatest influence over their life? Who can easily change their mind or push them to do something they don’t want to? Negatively or positvely.

🍎 - What is a hobby or interest that they would be distressed over losing access to? I.e a dancer who breaks their leg for months, etc. How would they cope?

(For Oleander and Doom!)

Random Headcanons

🍈 - How do they calm down when they are upset? Would they act differently trying to calm down in a group setting versus all alone?

Oleander: It very much depends on if they have somebody they can run to at the time. Oleander is very codependent on others they are close to to help them regulate their more intense emotions, and if no one is around to help them do that, they can disregulate very quickly and easily. It can leave them feeling cornered and scared and anything can happen from there, most often leading to them either cowering or lashing out or trying to run away if they can. They'll try to maintain a facade, but it's not easy, especially if they're around someone else who is bigger and tougher than they are and who they feel intimidated by in some way.

If they are around someone they trust, their confidence is boosted significantly. They are able to calm down much easier because they feel that person's support there. They know that person is there to help them or protect, or they can hide behind them if necessary. They also know that other person is usually one who will be able to cheer them up too.

Doom: Sometimes there just isn't a lot that can be done for her to calm down. Most of the time when Doom is upset, she just needs to let herself be upset, let the feeling exist, let it pass through her, and then move on. Trying to force the feeling aside or minimize it only makes it worse, and trying to talk down to her or brush her off will make her resentful.

If she's upset in a crowd of people or around someone who she doesn't trust, more often than not she'll compartmentalize the feeling to be expressed and examined properly later, when she's by herself or around someone safe. The feeling gets tucked away somewhere and ignored until she feels safe to look at it and feel it, so that probably means she'll be trying to leave that group setting as soon as possible or acting kind of distanced until she's able to leave.

🍑 - Describe a bad day they recently experienced (not necessarily dramatic/tragic) and how they handled it. Did they break down? Did they withdraw?

Oleander: Not including their encounters with Ed... xD

Not much happens in their day-to-day life, and that in itself culminates into one big "bad day" sometimes. It's the fact that all these days start to blend together as they move from computer to computer, observing others through them, and are reminded of just how lonely they are. That the ones who loved them and cared about them are gone now. Dead.

They get stuck in their own mind a lot, thinking about things that have happened, things that were done to them, things they did to others, things and people they miss, regrets. There isn't much they can do about it, so looking into the lives of others and picking apart their lives makes more sense than looking back on their own. Besides, it's sort of what they were designed to do anyway - collect data. May as well make some kind of use of it.

They don't really break down or withdraw so much as they... operate quietly in the background.

Doom: She was stuck doing a lot of chores and maintenance around the Office since the weather started warming up. That means that the kudzu cables are creeping back in at a faster rate, so she needs to check outside daily for those to make sure they aren't getting into the Office. There are also leaks and things she needs to keep on top of, general wear and tear on the Office that Dorian tells her about that were once things Thursday took care of, but Doom has since stepped in to take care of. Doom has never liked chores, so all of this is a nuisance to her, but she does it not only because she cares a lot about Dorian, not only because everybody in the Office depends on the Office and therefore depends on it being taken care of, but because she wants to do well in her sister's place.

Some days, like this day, there's just a lot more to do, and when people like James come in and annoy the shit out of her when she's just trying to get shit done, or make more work for her to do, she gets mad. So she screamed at James to leave her alone, and he did, and then later she went into her room to have a cry and organized her rocks again. All she can really do is wait it out when these things happen. Depending on the verse, she probably went and talked to someone later on about it too, so there's a good chance she vented to Ed about her day.

🍇 - Who has the greatest influence over their life? Who can easily change their mind or push them to do something they don’t want to? Negatively or positively.

Oleander: Until recently that person was Thursday. She had a very positive influence over them, being their best friend and all. With her being dead now, they don't really have anybody now.

I'd say currently Sept probably has the greatest ability to change their mind out of anyone in the Office right now. A lot of it has to do with them both being 432s, some with how intimidating Sept is, but even more with how Sept was Thursday's partner. Sept and Oleander are probably each other can get to Thursday again, because both were very close to her. They have... strange, distanced talks about her sometimes, but their talks aren't close or in depth. Still, it's better than nothing.

Ollie actually admires Sept a lot. In many ways, they feel Sept had things worse than they did. Sept's soul was destroyed in a ways theirs wasn't. Sept appears as a hideous monster Reaper ghost that many people fear and run away from. But she handles it in her own way (at least, Ollie thinks she does - Sept is actually very shy and sensitive about this). Ollie knows Sept is braver than they are, so they respect her, but they also fear her. So in these respects, she has the greatest sway over them out of anybody in the Office right now.

Doom: Individual relationships with other people's muses aside... Stanley. Stanley has the greatest influence and the biggest ability to get her to do anything out of anybody in the Office. Not just Stanley Johnson, but pretty much any Stanley. It's not only a sort of default setting that all Narrators can't help but feel towards all Stanleys - this adoration, this loyalty, this desire to impress him - but it's a very personal thing for Doom herself.

Doom formed a personal attachment to the Stanley of her Office, Stanley Null. She actually fell in love with him, and held onto that for a long time, even after he died. Even now, she still has strong feelings for him that haven't quite gone away, an aching, longing grief that will likely always be there.

Currently, Doom has similar feelings for Stanley Johnson. He's one of her best friends, and she loves him very much. She would do pretty much anything for him, and he knows it. Stanley doesn't take this knowledge lightly, though - he would never take advantage of somebody.

Still, if Stanley ever wanted - or any Stanley, for that matter, especially Stanley Null, if he were to ever find his way back somehow - he could theoretically get Doom to do whatever he wanted with relative ease. It wouldn't take much to convince her.

🍎 - What is a hobby or interest that they would be distressed over losing access to? I.e a dancer who breaks their leg for months, etc. How would they cope?

Oleander: THEIR SLIDERS, hahaha. I think you already discovered that, though. xD

Really, it's more than that, though. It's their ability to gather data from people. It's literally in their programming and that's why it made them so angry when Ed took their sliders away. Anything that would hinder their ability to gather data on people would devastate them. They can't help it. When ABC Corp turned them into a program, data collection was implemented into their programming, so it is a key component of their personality now. It is literally something they can't help.

There is no coping with it for them. Take this away from them and they FREAK THE FUCK OUT. Unless, maybe, you got rid of that entire bit of their program altogether? But who knows how that might damage them, so...

Doom: HER BOOKS. READING. AND HER ROCKS. If you took any of those away from her, she'd descend into a chaotic mess and start destroying things, and attack the person who took them away. She'd beat the shit out of you. She'd tear you up. She'd torture you until you told her where you hid them all and then she'd rip out your soul, destroy your body, and throw your soul into the In-Between. There would be no end to your suffering.

[dontstopbelievin9]

Winter Arc

1. 7 hours sleep - ✅

2. Movement - ✅ Walk

3. Caloric Deficit - ✅

4. No spend - ✅

5. 90 oz water - ✅

I’m digging getting a walk in daily to get my 10,000 steps but I’m worried I’ve been counting it as my workout. Truly I should be doing both if I want to see results. Considering switching from spin classes and lea mills lifting classes to low impact exercises like narrative, Pilates, and yoga. It does remind me of a time when I was focused on me and doing what felt good in my body.

[lnenvs3000w24]

Unit 08: THE SUN

One of the most amazing things about nature that I enjoy. It’s ability to impact our health and mentality is impressive to say the least. Do you ever find yourself wondering why the minute you step outside into the sunlight, your bad mood goes away and you feel happier? Mental health is a large part of our everyday lives and one of the most beneficial medications is the sun!

Sometimes I wonder if we are more closely related to plants than anything else, we love when the sun comes out! I believe that the amount of time we spend outside in the sun correlates directly to our health and mental health. The sun affects your vitamin D production, produces the happy hormone serotonin in your brain, helps your sleep pattern and can also be linked to a healthier immune system.

The sun boosts vitamin D production, a nutrient that is essential for bone health, immune system function, and mood regulation (Buscha, 2023). The sun provides enough vitamin D during the summer seasons but when winter rolls around, we are told by healthcare providers to take supplemental vitamin D to ensure we are supporting our health and immune system. 

The sun causes our brains to make the happy hormone serotonin, a chemical messenger that travels between nerve cells in our brains and throughout our body guiding our bodies to perform various tasks (Cleveland Clinic, (n.d.)). Serotonin helps with mood, memory, focus, bone health, wound repair and sleep. High levels of serotonin are good while low levels lead to depression. This is why seasonal depression is a thing. We are deprived of long sunny days in the winter and therefore become seasonally depressed. A study by Lambert et al. (2002), tested serotonergic activity in the brains of healthy adult males, and found that sunlight is directly correlated to brain serotonin levels and therefore mood seasonality disorders are a result of low sunlight exposure (Lambert et al., 2002). 

Sleep patterns are a direct result of serotonin levels. Serotonin and dopamine affect how well and how long you sleep for. Melatonin, a sleep regulation hormone, is made with serotonin (Cleveland Clinic, (n.d.)). Therefore for a better quality sleep, get more sun! Additionally, our internal day:night clock, called the circadian rhythm, is regulated by how much daylight you are exposed to. If this clock is imbalanced by days spent inside in the dark versus outside in the daylight, your sleep will be affected.

In a modern world that often warns others against the dangers of sun exposure, it is important to remember that the sun is not our enemy but a key source of health and happiness. It is essential to get enough sunlight in your day to be able to ensure all of your body’s needs are met. Sun is important for internal body health and also mental health, which is key to a happy life.  I am making the effort to enjoy more time outside because I know the benefits of sunlight. I have been walking to school rather than taking the bus, to not only increase my cardiovascular health but to take in as much sunlight as I can before spending a day at the library. It's sometimes hard to get outside since we are busy doing our everyday tasks such as going to school, heading to work and staying home, but I think we should all take a moment out of our day to ensure we get some sunlight. Whether that be sitting outside for your morning coffee or going for a short walk at lunch time. We should all embrace the sun responsibly and incorporate it into our daily routines. So, step outside, bask in the sun, and let its warmth nourish both your body and mind.

Have you noticed your mood changing during the winter months from seasonal depression? What are some ways you cope with it? 

I have included a song that reminds me of the joy that comes along with seeing the sun. 

Lea

References:

Buscha, F. (2023). Curious Kids: why do I feel happier when the sun is out? The Conversation. Accessed March 15th 2024 from: https://theconversation.com/curious-kids-why-do-i-feel-happier-when-the-sun-is-out-198200 

Cleveland Clinic. (n.d.) Serotonin. Accessed March 15th 2024 from: https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/22572-serotonin

Lambert, G. W., Reid, C., Kaye, D. M., Jennings, G. L., Esler, M. D. (2002). Effect of sunlight and season on serotonin turnover in the brain. The Lancet, 360, 1840-1842. https://doi.org/10.1016/s0140-6736(02)11737-5

[duncanjefferson]

[text-Lea] Daily reminder that I love you with my ENTIRE heart and soul and will never take any moment we spend together for granted. I love you so so so so so so much!

[Text] I love you so much. Speaking of loving you so much how do you feel about going on a cruise with me in November?