#damn it i wish karen david was real

[owlzshitshow]

this is an isabel kruger moment (also me fucking around with my art style a bit)

[kiirotoao]

Season 3 rewatch notes

Wait a minute, I just realized that Mike and Will are the only ones in The Party who’ve canonically been dungeon masters. Idk what that means for them, but, yeah. Another exclusive detail of theirs

Oh, lord. Mike’s arm being torn off in the D&D game better not be a prophecy. If those s5 notes are accurate about Mike being seriously injured… I’m scared.

GOD I’ve never noticed how hard Will breathes in the rain scene. Poor baby he was so stunned 😭😭😭😭

The thing that I love most about Jonathan and Nancy is that they’ve been through the real shit. Arguments and hardship through the supernatural and the struggles of discrimination and privilege.

I love how Max is usually the one who speaks after Will. It’s like she’s the only one brave enough to answer after he says something profound or important. I need more of Max and Will’s friendship and them having well-thought out arguments I swear

Omg I love Erica’s little green star on her cheek. It’s so cute 😭🩷

After watching The Princess Bride, I am fangirling so much over Cary Elwes - it’s so crazy to me that he got him to play such a character! I wonder if they thought of him because of all the physical stunts lmao

As much as Karen isn’t in the know of much of anything in the supernatural story, I love how she’s a picture of raw strength in the Wheeler family, the true head of the household. She takes charge. Stops at nothing to help. Not even in the face of temptation. Go Karen.

DAMN I forgot that Billy dropped an f bomb! I thought that the closest that the show got was when Max got cut off in the hospital, but nope. There it was

Shit, I’m tearing up at that scene when El collapses into Mike’s arms because I know that that was real exhaustion. Poor Millie 🩷🩷🩷. She did such a phenomenal job there.

I LOVE whenever Joyce is angry this season. Now that’s how you demand. Straight to the point, justified in her worry, and cutting past any unnecessary bs while still including the cherry on top “please” or “good day” of politeness out of basic decency. I want to be her when I’m upset.

I’m always so blown away by Maya’s performance when she comes out to Steve. Straight (haha) through the heart, so good. And I always, always smile at Steve’s reaction. So in character, so accepting. No questioning if she’s being honest, just immediately questioning her type and believing that she’s into girls. So, so important.

Oh, no. Holly saw the trees moving in the woods. Thus far, she’s noticed the demogorgon coming out of the wall, and now this. She’s definitely a target next season.

When El tells Billy the memory of his mom, I teared up a little! Something about the way that El says, “you were happy” breaks me, dude. Millie and Dacre did so well.

Also, thinking in foresight of s4, Max’s letter is so heartbreaking. The Mind Flayer made a huge show of killing Billy slowly and painfully. I don’t blame her for being too horrified to move. It really wasn’t her fault. That was traumatic. Sadie did amazing there, too. Ouch.

I’m never getting over the helicopter lights being blue, yellow, and red. Were starboard and port always blue and red? And isn’t starboard supposed to be green? It’s all intentional, I’m telling you

I love how Max and Lucas are supposed to be “butchering” Never Ending Story but those two theater kids actually sound amazing. I just wish they harmonized 😆

Oh my gosh Jonathan did the Byers hold to Nancy 😭😭😭😭 I am not okay 😭😭 I never noticed that

Okay wait. This is kinda horrible. I feel bad for saying this. But y’know how Mike has a Will voice? Well I just noticed that Mike definitely does not have a soft voice for El. I swear, he’s always so loud around her like nothing’s different about her 😂😭 Any time he’s sweet with her he’s just like YEAH. COOL. and it’s kinda hilarious.

Jancy is WRECKING me this season wtf. Charlie and Natalia are so cute 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Oh my gosh David’s voice kinda breaks at “doze off.” Fuck.

Erica has blue, yellow, and pink balloons plus a rainbow drawing on her door. I now headcanon Erica as pansexual/panromantic, thank you.

AHHHGHH I can’t wait for the original version of Heroes to play next season over Byler kissing when everyone thinks that they might be dead but they’re just surviving in the Upside Down, clinging to each other and having the highest moment of their lives!!!!!!!

This has been my s3 thoughts for the 6-8th time watching? I forget? And I missed a number of moments because I got too absorbed so, oops. Anyway, I love Jancy, I love Jopper, I love the Scoops Troop, I love Suzie, I miss Alexi, Byler is endgame, and this season was way more fun than I remembered and it always makes me laugh. My list of favorite seasons has been shaken expertly.

[on-maars]

Wonder

Just a soft lil thing I wrote in one sitting, hope you’ll like it. 

Read it on AO3.

The Grant-Nash household is loud. Louder than usual, that is. Conversations flow smoothly, moving from one topic to the next rapidly. That makes Eddie smile. The last few months were quite the challenge, in every way, for everyone.

Whether it be Athena and Bobby’s marriage hanging on by a thread, Maddie suffering from postpartum depression, Karen and Hen getting used to Nia’s absence, it was enough for everyone to feel a bit under pressure, feel overwhelmed, afflicted, weighed down.

And there was also that day. That particular day. Still on Eddie’s mind, all the time. No matter how hard the people surrounding him try to forget about the whole thing.

There seems to be a common agreement between all his colleagues, all his friends. A silent promise everyone made to each other. A pact. That day’s here and it happened but god forbid we dare to acknowledge it.

And Eddie gets it. That day was a living hell. It was traumatic. For him, for Buck, and for Christopher. And don’t get him wrong he doesn’t particularly like to be reminded of that day either, doesn’t particularly like to mention it, let alone talk about it. But sometimes he wishes he could. Sometimes he wishes he had that possibility.

But he doesn’t. He knows he doesn’t.

He tried.

He tried bringing up the topic in the conversations. He tried making a few innuendos here and there, hoping Buck would catch up. He tried being patient, let his friend heal first. In vain. And Eddie knows Buck and him are not really the type to sit down and talk about their feelings, hell good communications skills don’t exactly run in his family either but he knows how to make an effort every now and then. He learned it the hard way. Raising a kid on your own doesn’t exactly give you a choice in the matter.

And yet, Eddie still smiles. Because they’re here now. They’re alive. Celebrating.

Bobby’s here, talking with Michael with hushed voices, David standing a few feet away with Albert, keeping a close watch on the barbecue while glancing at the two of them with what Eddie can only guess is an exasperated expression painted all over his face.

Hen, Karen and Athena are both seated at the table, seemingly engaged in a very lively conversation. Chimney is resting on a nearby chair, a very fast asleep Jee-Yun in his arms, both of them being subject to a series of pictures taken by May.

And then there’s Buck, sprawled on the grass, Christopher, Harry and Denny by his side, all laughing to tears. This brings a smile to Eddie’s lips.

“So I heard my brother wasn’t exactly planning on leaving you guys anytime soon?” Maddie asks next to him. “From what Albert told Chim, he’s got the loft all by himself for at least two months.”

Eddie chuckles and looks down at his hands, his cheeks turning red. There’s an implicit question behind Maddie’s words, an implicit question waiting to be answered. It’s not the first time Eddie has to face these hidden allusions from Maddie and as his eyes are being drawn to Buck once again, he realizes he doesn’t really mind.

“Yeah, he- he’s staying put.” Eddie admits. “After… After everything that happened, I think we all needed to-” He starts, but marks a pause. “Christopher needed him there.”

“Christopher’s the only one who needed him there?” Maddie asks and Eddie’s breath catches in his throat.

He shouldn’t be surprised, though. After all, Eddie hid his true feelings behind his son countless times in the past but it’s the first time he’s actually being confronted about it. It’s easy, hiding himself behind Christopher. It’s comfortable. And it makes him look like a great dad while really his son is just a thousand times braver than he ever will be. That’s not a secret to anyone.

Still, he finds himself saying:

“No.” Maddie looks up at him, smiling softly. “No, I needed him there as well.” Eddie finally admits. “I needed him to stay.” He adds. “I’ll always need him to stay.” He says more specifically, averting his eyes.

“Does he know?” She asks.

“That I want him to stay?” Eddie darts his eyes towards her but only for a second. He looks away just as fast. “Yeah. Yeah I think I made that pretty clear.” He chuckles, thinking back of all the times he had to physically drag Buck away from the front door, making it clear that he’s not “overstaying his welcome” or whatever Buck’s got stuck in his mind.

“No, I mean-” Maddie’s eyes shuttle back and forth on Eddie’s face, as if battling whether to be upfront or leave the conversation hanging. Eventually, she sighs, takes a deep breath and adds, without batting an eye: “Does he know you’re in love with him?”

Eddie blinks a few times, opening his mouth to say something but closing it the next second. There’s no need to deny it – he thinks. Not after this past few months, not after what happened. Not after that day. There’s no need to deny it because his love for Buck, once so quiet, so cautious, so calm, is now so big, so vibrant, Eddie might as well take his heart and put it on a plate for everyone to see.

“I- I’m not sure.” He says and his eyes are drawn to Buck once again. His best-friend is still seated on the grass but this time he's holding his niece in his arms, Christopher is touching her hands very carefully, like he’s afraid she might break. Buck looks up at Eddie and for a few seconds, their eyes meet. Buck has that soft expression on his face, that soft expression only reserved to the two most important people in his life. And Eddie smiles, because how can he not?

“He must know.” He convinces himself out loud. “There’s no way he doesn’t kn-”

“Did you tell him?” Maddie insists. “Did you tell him these exact same words?” She asks. “Did you tell him to his face?”

“No.” Eddie admits.

“Then he doesn’t know.” She says. “Eddie, it doesn’t matter how many signs you throw at him. It doesn’t matter if you think there’s no need to say anything because he’s got to be blind not to see it. It doesn’t matter because at the end of the day it’s Buck we’re talking about, it’s my baby brother and you and I both know he’s not going to let himself believe it until there’s not a single doubt in his mind that this is what’s happening, that you’re in it just as much as he is.”

“I-” Eddie starts but looks down, biting his lower lip. “I know.”

“And unless you tell him to his face that you’re in love with him then-”

“Then, the doubts won’t stop.” Eddie finishes for her, his eyes still fixated on Buck as a small sigh escapes his lips.

“The doubts won’t stop.” Maddie agrees.

“It’s just-” Eddie’s hand fidgets with his keys in his jean’s pocket, nervously. “The way he loves. It’s always so…”

“Loud?” Maddie offers and Eddie huffs out a laugh.

He nods. “Yeah. Loud. And- and carefree. And you know, I- it's a good thing. I mean I’ve always-” He starts, and sighs, closing his eyes fiercely. “It’s a good thing.” He repeats. “But you’d think he has it all figured out.” He says, his eyes catching Buck’s gaze once again. He seems tired. Eddie can see it by the way his lips stretch up at the edges in an effort to smile but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. But it’s mostly the dark rings under his eyes that leads Eddie in the right direction. Buck thinks the others can’t see them, he thinks he can conceal them by acting overly excited, overly cheerful, and maybe it goes unnoticed by the others but not to Eddie. Never to Eddie.

“He has a big heart.” Maddie eventually says, following Eddie’s gaze until her own eyes are fixed on her little brother. “People often mistake it for over-confidence.” She adds. “But the truth is that he’s as terrified as you are. Maybe more.” She marks a pause. “Probably more.”

Eddie nods to himself, his smile getting bigger when he sees Buck standing up straight, crossing the few meters separating him from Eddie and Maddie. He lets himself fall on the chair with a heavy thud, raising his eyes towards Eddie, his smile always so soft, always so gentle. Eddie wants to embrace him and kiss him senseless.

“Hey.” Buck’s voice is hesitant. “Huh Chris asked me if he could stay the night here with Harry and Denny. I said yes. I thought- although I guess I- I guess I should maybe have checked with you first, I’m sor-”

“It’s fine.” Eddie smiles.

“You sure? Because I can-”

“Evan.” Eddie cuts in, and the effect is immediate. Like it always is when he uses Buck’s real name. He whirls his head around and looks at him with a mixture of disbelief and confusion in his eyes. Eddie thinks he can see some traces of hope in there, too.

“Didn’t know you had the Evan privileges.” Maddie teases and Buck looks down at his hands with a sheepish smile, blinking a few times like he can’t quite believe it himself.

“Wanna go back home?” Eddie asks. “I’m beat.” He says. It’s a lie. He’s feeling great, and he could probably stay there for a few more hours if he wanted, but that’s not Buck’s case. That’s not Buck’s case and his best-friend is just too damn selfless to say it and would probably be ready to fall asleep on that chair if it meant Eddie was having a good time.

“Oh yeah we can… We can go home.”

They say goodbye to everyone and head out, not before Eddie makes Christopher promise to behave and not give Athena and Bobby too much trouble. He holds him against him for a while, kissing his head and his heart flutters when he sees Buck hugs him just as tight the next second.

When they get to the car, Buck is nervous, his head is resting on the window and his eyes are glancing to Eddie from time to time, his eyebrows squint in concentration, just like when he’s searching the answer to one of Christopher’s math exercise. It’s never a good sign. Eddie knows him well enough to understand that Buck is on the verge of falling into one of these overthinking traps that always seem to be on the lookout for the next opportunity to invade his best-friend’s mind.

The car drive is silent, the atmosphere filled with a sense of irresolution no one dares to question. And Eddie knows all too well that now is probably not the best time to have that conversation, not while driving, not while Buck is in that state. But Maddie’s words are stuck in his head since they left that house and if he doesn’t acknowledge the elephant in the room now, he’s afraid it might take him another two months to have the guts to say it.

“You do know I’m in love with you, right?” He blurts out and Buck whirls his head around so fast Eddie’s afraid he might break his neck. He seems surprised. His eyes are wide open and his mouth is agape, his eyebrows furrowed, his brain probably working too fast for his head to catch up.

“I-” He starts but his voice dies in his throat. “I didn’t- I mean I wasn’t- I wasn’t sure.” Buck stutters, blinking a few times.

“Well, I am.” Eddie says, pretending to be calm about it all while really, his hands hold the wheel so tight his knuckles go white.

“I just-” Buck says, and stays silent for a few seconds to gather his thoughts. “Ever since that day, there were- there were times when I thought that maybe you- But I couldn’t be sure. And you never- you never spoke of it and I-”

“I never spoke of it because you never let me, Buck.” Eddie marks a pause, but speaks again just as fast when he sees the flash of guilt crossing his friend’s eyes. “I don’t blame you.” He reassures him. “I’ve been in your position countless times in the past to know that that day must have been as traumatic for you as it was for me. Maybe even more, I mean I- I was asleep the whole time, after all. You were the one who had to-” Eddie pauses when he sees Buck’s face suddenly contorted with excruciating pain – agony, even – but he pushes through it all the same. “You were the one who had to deal with everything.”

“Eddie, I-”

Eddie bites his lower lip when he sees his best-friend’s eyes already filled with tears.

“Buck, you saved me.” Eddie says, his voice determined.

“No I-” Buck shakes his head. “I let you down.”

“You saved me.” Eddie repeats, with even more vigor. “Evan.” He says. “Look at me.” He adds, glancing at Buck, knowing he now has his full attention. The blue eyes staring back at him are filled with pain, agony, and Eddie knows his friend is back there again, in the streets, watching him bleed to death in front of him.

“I didn’t-” Buck starts and suddenly tears are rolling down his cheeks and his lips are shaking and his shoulders slump alarmingly as ugly sobs start racking his body. He presses his hand through his eyes, as if to hide himself from his best-friend but the noise coming from his mouth is desperate and angry and broken and Eddie doesn’t waste anytime to park his car on the roadside. “You were dead, Eds.”

“Buck.” Eddie breathes. “I wasn’t- you saved me alright?”

“No Eds, you don’t understand, alright? You were dead. You died . In that ambulance. I- I was telling you to hold on but you- you died. For a few seconds Eddie, you- you were dead. You were gone. I thought I had lost you and I couldn’t- I couldn’t-” Another sob racks his body and Eddie wraps his arms around his shoulders, bringing him closer. Buck hides his face on his chest and Eddie holds him close as he cries, his entire body shaking from exhaustion, from all the pressure he contained during this past few months.

“You never told me that.” He eventually says, his own voice shaking.

“Didn’t want to go back there.” Buck answers and his voice is so small Eddie just holds him a little closer, a little tighter, his right hand running through his blonde locks. He presses a small kiss to his head and closes his eyes, letting his forehead rest against his hair. "You were fine and I wanted - I needed - to focus on that."

“I love you.” Eddie tells him. “Buck, how can you think you let me down while you’re literally the only reason I’m sitting in this car next to you? You saved me. You took care of my son. You took care of me . Even when I was being a whiny little shit.” Eddie smiles when a small laugh escapes Buck’s lips. “You did so good. You always do.”

“Wasn’t easy.” Buck teases him but his voice still betrays his true feelings.

“And yet, you stayed.” Eddie reminds him.

“Yeah well…” Buck answers like it’s not a big deal. “Where- where else would I go?”

Eddie huffs out a laugh and presses his lips on Buck’s shoulder when this one buries his face in the crook of his neck, still trying to catch his breath.

“Move in with us.” Eddie finds himself blurting out, causing Buck to sit straight once again, watching him with a bewildered expression on his face. “I mean it.”

“I- what- what about Chris?” Buck asks because of course that’s the first thought that crosses his mind. His son’s well-being.

“What about him?” Eddie asks, his eyebrows raised.

“I don’t- maybe he doesn’t want me there all the time.” Buck starts and frowns when Eddie huffs out a laugh.

“Yeah, right.” Eddie answers, unimpressed. “That kid would probably kill me if I ever let you go back to your loft and you know it.” He adds. “He adores you, Buck.”

Buck’s eyes dart towards him, his shy and sheepish smile stretching up his lips.

“What about you? Do you want me there?” Buck asks, hesitant.

“Buck I’m the one who asked.” Eddie says. “You’re practically already living with us anyway. Wouldn’t change a single thing. Except that you- well you definitely wouldn’t sleep in the spare room anymore.”

“But I wouldn’t-”

“Buck, can you please stop finding excuses and say yes already?” Eddie asks, exasperated. He still places his right hand behind his neck though, and looks at him dead in the eye when he says these next few words. “I want you there with us. All the time. Every day.”

“Alright.” Buck eventually says. “I- I’ll stay.” He adds.

“Good.” Eddie smiles, and when Buck’s eyes dart towards his lips for just a second, he doesn’t waste any time and crash their lips together in a gentle, soft kiss, tasting Buck’s tears.

“I- I love you too.” Buck says after a few minutes. “I just- just realized I still haven’t said it back.”

“You didn’t have to.” Eddie answers. “I already knew.”

Buck smiles a bit more, but another serious look crosses his face as he bites his lower lip.

“Thank you.” And Eddie heard these words a thousand times before from Buck’s mouth but in that particular moment, they seem to hold more meaning that he can possibly imagine. “For saying it first.”

Eddie intertwines their fingers together and presses a small kiss on Buck’s knuckles, starting the car.

“Anything for you, Evan.” Eddie says and huffs out a small laugh when he hears Buck’s groan resonating in the car. He puts his indicator on and turns his wheel to follow the road back home, his hand still holding Buck’s fingers.

“I-” Buck starts but seems to hesitate. His gaze is stuck on the road, like he’s afraid to meet Eddie’s eyes when he’s going to say these next few words.

“You what?” Eddie encourages him.

“I like it.” Buck says, keeping his voice low. “When you- when you call me Evan.”

“Oh I know.” Eddie teases him.

“You’re doing it on purpose, aren’t you?” He asks him, smiling.

“One hundred percent.” Eddie confirms. “Only way to be sure I’ve got your undivided attention.”

“Oh, fuck you.” Buck exclaims, rolling his eyes at him.

“Maybe later.” Eddie raises his eyebrows in a suggested manner and Buck only scoffs, but Eddie can already see his cheeks turning red.

“Alright alright, eyes on the road, Edmundo .” Buck says playfully and Eddie lets out a laugh. “I love you.” These words seem to slip past Buck’s lips of their own accord.

“Love you more.” Eddie instantly retorts.

“Well I loved you first.” Buck answers.

“Bold assumption you make here, Buckley.”

“Let’s hash that out at home.” Buck tells him, resting his head on the window, his voice tired and his eyes closed.

“Alright.” Eddie answers. “But you and I both know I’m gonna win this round.”

Buck huffs out a laugh and catches Eddie’s hand on the gearshift to intertwine their fingers together, the smile not leaving his face.

“Shut up and drive us home, Diaz.”

“Alright.” Eddie answers, pressing another kiss to Buck’s knuckles. “Let's get you home, Evan.”  

[what-do-1000-swords-look-like]

Sooo I still have a few more rewatches to do before I break this down but damn were we fed well tonight!!!!

I don't lb because I don't want to get spoilers before I see it but so many reactions I had, this was awesome!!!!

Okay Resident Evil looking opening, cool, cool, cool

Missed opportunity of joke coming back “And you thought the zoo was safer” (someone mentioned this in a previous post, if I find it again, I'll link it)

The elephant pushing something over, refusing to be ignored...yep - universe is screaming

Buck is oddly pushy for Eddie to accept that meeting Ana’s family is serious & Eddie is oddly insistent that it’s not

More Maddie and Josh time, yes!!!!

Parallel #1: Eddie buying Christopher a new suit for the christening, last suit he had was for Shannon’s funeral

More Linda =D

Ah, Tim Minear is one of the ones who wrote this, interesting

Buck and Eddie synchronicity in water rescue again - emergency had to do with “left turn”, GPS messing up and sending in the wrong direction to where it sinks

Taylor is more concerned with work than she is about having sex with Buck

YES TO KAREN AND DAVID

Ransomware attack happening in Texas - hmm....

Denny and Harry!!!

I wish Athena didn’t have to see that jerk ever again

That fan club is disgusting, what idiots

DA is right because that’s exactly why the guy wants to do it

That whole suit store scene is cringe yet again, that whole “shh” thing made me flinch because it’s just so cringe (I did not cringe with Buck and Taylor at all) - love how Eddie basically confirms what Buck said about Ana wanting to show him off “Let’s just try it with a tie” - then the whole “Let’s ask Mom” thing - right…I wish I could say I was surprised the increased heartbeat started right after that and then the whole collapse

Four months time frame, interesting

“Repression” !!!!! A cardiologist saying this about Eddie - TIM I JUST WANT TO TALK!!!

Eddie denying the doctor’s diagnosis, looking to Ana twice who says nothing one way or the other, it’s only Christopher that speaks up

Okay thank God that was a dream Athena had, I got so worried for her =(

Bobby teaching Harry to cook is so freaking cute

I seriously want to hit this guy (the rapist) with my car, repeatedly

OMG why is the DA not objecting??? How is that relevant????

Judge that should be stricken from the record!!!! LET ME IN TV SCREEN, LET ME IN!!!! IF THIS DA CAN’T DO HIS JOB, I WILL!!!! ATHENA, I’M COMING!!!! *smacks into screen* DAMMIT

Sue in a leadership role in ATC interesting - LTY226 hmmm…

Oh thank God, the ATC scene made me so freaking nervous

Not surprising Eddie starts to feel woozy seeing Nick have a heart attack

25 million hmmm….

Oh shit here we go, I wondered how this would affect the jails

OH DAMMIT, COME ON!! How did he get away???? - well now we know why we got the summary we did for 5x03, shit

Holy shit, I’m just waiting for Eddie to step up and say “I told you Hildy was the enemy!” Holy crap if he was anxious before, he definitely will be now

Oh Eddie keeping the panic attack secret from Buck….oh Eddie

Omg I hope they move the survivors somewhere safe

“In a heartbeat” - 3 heart attacks, cardiologist, a heart being delivered (I think that’s what they said), hmm…Eddie thinking he might have a heart attack (meaning it’s not the real deal, happening with Ana with him and Christopher, and she remains quiet when Eddie looks over to her, doesn’t speak up at his look, um hmm) - can they make this anymore obvious?

Go get him, Buck! It seems like Protective!Buck may actually be a thing, I’m here for it

These girls are so freaking creepy

“Retrograde”, nice!!!

NO!!!!!!!!!! Son of a….I knew it had to be too easy, dammit, that poor detective

Okay, have no idea what's happening next week but can't wait to see the helicopter scene and eventually the protective!Buck scene with the zoo animals - holy hell what a ride so far!

[daresplaining]

Hey, Idk if you know this but imma ask you anyway cause I think you’re cool. ANYWAY, how do other hero’s react when they find out Daredevil is blind? (You have any HC’s that go along with it?)

    Hi, and thanks! I’m happy that running a comics blog is considered cool.

     This doesn’t actually come up as much as you’d think, because this kind of revelation almost never starts with people discovering that Daredevil is blind. Matt is (mostly) good at pretending he can see while in costume, since that’s an illusion he feels the need to maintain. Instead, what usually happens is this: someone (a fellow hero or otherwise) will learn that Matt is Daredevil, they’ll assume he fakes the blindness, Matt will then explain about the hypersenses, and that will be that. Sometimes he’ll be asked to prove it, but not always. 

[ID: Excerpt from Kesel’s Daredevil run. Matt and Foggy are standing together in an office. Foggy has his back to Matt (and the reader).]

Foggy: “Okay, Matt– you can stop pretending, now.”

Matt: “Foggy–?”

Foggy: “This whole ‘blind’ thing. I know you’re really Daredevil! Some ‘best friend’– lying to me all these years… playing me for a fool…”

Matt: “No, Foggy– you’re wrong! I thought you understood… I really am blind, from a childhood accident that heightened my remaining senses–”

Daredevil vol. 1 #353 by Karl Kesel, Cary Nord, and Christie Scheele

[ID: Daredevil and Karen Page are sitting together in a large, fancy, primarily green sitting room.] 

Karen: “And, your brother ‘Mike’… the aerial explosion in which you ‘died’… even your ‘blindness’… they were all nothing but ingenious frauds!”

Matt: “Two out of three right, my darling! I never had a brother… and that explosion was trumped up to flush out a would-be blackmailer! But, I have been blind for years… perhaps in more ways than one!”

Karen: “Really blind? I don’t… understand…!”

Matt: “When you get down to brass tacks, Karen… neither do I! As Matt, I told you once about the childhood accident that blinded me! That story was true, but not the whole truth!”

[ID: A panel showing a montage of Daredevil doing cool acrobatic tricks against an orange background.]

Matt (off-panel): “For, in some mysterious way, the same mishap that robbed me of my sight… amazingly sharpened my remaining senses, to far beyond those of other men… enabling me to avoid disasters, and to perform athletic feats that few people even dream of! Taste… touch… smell… hearing… all my senses were heightened! Except perhaps for that secret ingredient called… common sense! Why else would I never have told you before… that I love you?”

Daredevil vol. 1 #58 by Roy Thomas and Gene Colan

[ID: Daredevil and Black Panther are swinging in tandem across the nighttime city.]

T’Challa: “DD… I know I promised no questions… but I have never comprehended how a blind attorney can battle crime with the best of them! –If you truly are blind, that is!”

Matt: “I am… but I’ve got some other super-senses that just won’t quit! Remind me to tell you about ‘em sometime!”

Daredevil vol. 1 #69 by Roy Thomas and Gene Colan

[ID: Daredevil and Spider-Man– who is in his black costume– are crouched on a rooftop, talking.] 

Peter: “So… ‘Peter’, huh?”

Matt: “Yup. And in case you’re wondering, my handle is… Matt Murdock.”

Peter: “You’re kidding, right? I mean… Murdock’s blind… I mean… that is… uh, let’s go someplace and talk about this…”

[In the next panel they’re in Peter’s apartment, and in civvies. Matt is sitting on a chair, wearing a white shirt and blue pants. Peter is walking into the room, wearing a green shirt and blue pants.]

Matt: “Faintly acrid, but a nice apartment.”

Peter: “Boy, you really must be blind. And yeah, I had a fire recently. Let me understand– you could tell when you heard my heartbeat as Peter Parker and later as Spider-Man that we were the same guy? That’s some power. What do you call it?”

Matt: “Listening.”

Peter Parker, the Spectacular Spider-Man vol. 1 #110 by Peter David, Rich Buckler, and Bob Sharen

[ID: A panel of Luke Cage and Danny Rand– both in civvies– standing on a rooftop at night. They are looking up toward the viewer (at Daredevil, off-panel). Danny is holding up a newspaper.]

Luke: “You can put that down. He’s blind.”

Danny: “Oh, he really is blind. I thought he was pretending because of all the heat on him.”

Luke: “No, he’s really blind.”

Danny: “Oh.”

Daredevil vol. 2 #38 by Brian Michael Bendis, Manuel Gutierrez, and Matt Hollingsworth

    These are just a few examples, but you get the idea. It’s very rare that someone figures out that Daredevil is blind without it being tied to a full-on secret identity reveal. The best example I can think of is this great moment from one of the Daredevil/Batman crossovers. Trust the World’s Greatest Detective to figure it out…

[ID: Daredevil and Batman are standing together on a rooftop at night.]

Bruce: “Let’s say you’re visually impaired. You favor your other modes of sensory input. A subtle inclination of your head when there’s a sound. An extremely slight flaring of your nostrils, probably indicating olfactory acuteness. You’re practiced– or possess sensory enhancements– making your powers of observation markedly proficient.”

Matt: “Thanks. Yours aren’t bad, either.”

Daredevil and Batman by D.G. Chichester, Scott McDaniel, and Gregory Wright

    I love this because Matt’s blindness and powers would affect his body language, and I kind of wish that more characters– particularly those with combat expertise– would notice. As it stands, pretty much everyone who knows that Daredevil is blind also learns about his hypersenses immediately afterward, and since there’s always been a tendency for writers to allow Matt’s powers to get him out of situations that would generally require sight, his blindness doesn’t come up as much as I wish it would within the context of his actual hero work and team-ups. The little evidence available suggests that his fellow heroes are accommodating (we get little details, like the fact that the text on Matt’s Avengers ID card is written in braille) and they’re generally impressed by him, but they don’t make that big a deal of it. Sometimes they’ll forget he’s blind, but he is quick to remind them. In the wider context of the Marvel superhero community, a blind superhero isn’t that weird, no matter what Brainwashed Wolverine™ might claim:  

[ID: Wolverine and Matt (in costume, but without his mask) are fighting in Matt’s apartment. Wolverine is slashing with his claws; Matt is trying to restrain him]

Logan: “Hands offa me, you blind freak!”

Matt: “This isn’t you that’s saying this. You have to fight it, Wolverine. You’ve just been reprogrammed.”

Logan (caption): “Listen to you, Murdock: talking like you’re some kinda super hero– Ever wonder why they didn’t ask you to join their fancy teams, big shot? Ever wonder why you always work alone? ‘Cuz you’re blind. Handicapped. Oughta hear the sick jokes they crack behind your back–”

Wolverine (2003) #24 by Mark Millar, John Romita, Jr., Paul Mounts

    (This comes after a long rant about how Matt gets more dates than him. Brainwashed Wolverine™ was going through some stuff in this issue…)

    One context in which Matt’s blindness does come up is in his interactions with other blind superheroes. In these cases, it usually serves as a source of bonding. Gerry Conway gives us this weird-yet-touching issue in which Matt encounters a blind hero from another dimension:

[ID: Daredevil is standing over a figure (Tagak), who is wearing a purple and orange skin-tight suit and a leopard-print mask that covers his whole head.]

Matt: “Now maybe I’ll get some answers! Like, number one… who you are… and number two… how you pretend to see– when you’re blind!”

Tagak: “How…?”

Matt: “Big clue: the way you hesitated just now… and let’s just say it takes one to know one!”

Tagak: “Then you…? It seems there is much to speak about, my friend!”

Daredevil vol. 1 #72 Gerry Conway and Gene Colan

   Since Matt generally works so hard to hide his blindness while in costume, it’s notable that he shares this information with Tagak within minutes of meeting him– especially when he didn’t actually have to.

    Here’s a more recent example, from after Matt has revealed his secret identity to the Inhuman superhero Reader:

[ID: A panel showing Reader sitting at a table, with Matt– in civvies and with his arm in a sling– standing next to the table.]

Reader: “Wait… are you really blind? Gotta admit, I kind of liked being on a team with another blind guy.”

Matt: “I’m really blind.”

Reader: “Then how…”

Matt: “You’ve got your tricks, Reader, I’ve got mine.”

Daredevil vol. 5 #609 by Charles Soule and Phil Noto

    This example is a bit more complicated, since (spoiler alert) it’s all in Matt’s head, but 1. this conversation seems in-character for Reader anyway, and 2. the fact that Matt would want him to react this way is still significant.

    And then there are the villains! One of my favorite examples of Matt’s blindness coming into play in his hero work is this great scene from Waid’s run, in which the Jester– having learned Matt’s secret identity but assuming that the blindness is just an act (as everyone does at first, see above)– sets a trap that is entirely vision-reliant…

[ID: Matt, in civvies, comes across a life-sized dummy of Foggy hanging from a noose. He perceives it in an unrecognizable form with his radar sense. This alternates with panels of the Jester, who is sitting in front of an array of computer screens and getting increasingly agitated.]

Matt (caption): “And what is this? A Jaycees haunted house? Who are you supposed to represent?”

Jester: “He’s staring right at it! Why– why isn’t he reacting?”

Matt (caption): “Real dead bodies have a distinct odor, Jester. This smells like foam rubber and latex. What were you trying to accomplish here? Fail.”

Jester: “React, damn you! That’s your best friend hanging from a noose! Anyone who’s ever seen Murdock in a fight knows the ‘blind lawyer’ gag is a put-on! Open your eyes!”

Daredevil vol. 3 #32 by Mark Waid, Chris Samnee, and Javier Rodriguez

    I don’t really have headcanons as much as I have a wish to see more of this sort of thing in the source material itself (though I would love to hear other people’s headcanons, if they have some!). We’ve come a long way, in general, from the “Matt’s senses more than compensate for his blindness” attitude that plagued early (and some more recent, unfortunately) Daredevil comics, and Waid’s run in particular made great strides in this area, but I always feel like more can be done. I want Matt to hang out with more of the Marvel Universe’s other blind characters (there are a bunch of them!). I want his blindness to come up more often in his team-ups with sighted heroes. We’ve seen antagonists target his hypersenses, but I was surprised and a little disappointed that, back when his blindness was public knowledge, his rogues didn’t try to use that against him. On the other hand, we got awesome things like this during that period…

[ID: A panel showing Matt on the street, in civvies, signing an autograph for a blind kid with a service dog.]

Daredevil vol. 4 #11 by Mark Waid, Chris Samnee, and Matt Wilson

    …which is another of the many reasons I’m sad it’s over, as Matt/Daredevil interacting more with the non-powered disabled community is another thing I want– including negotiating his identity as a superpowered disabled person. 

    There’s a tricky line that needs to be walked in handling this aspect of Matt’s character. In making his blindness too prominent, or too debilitating, there’s a risk of turning him into a caricature or making it seem like a burden rather than a simple fact of his existence. Matt is a complex character, and his sensory array is only one part of that complexity. But he is one of the most prominent blind characters in comics– if not media in general– and I still feel like there are a lot of stories surrounding this part of his identity that haven’t yet been told, in the context of both the civilian and superhero sides of his life. 

[onegirllis]

Have you really gone through episode 2 of LIS2? I really wonder what you think about it. Better, of course, the full answer.

I finished it indeed. The episode is about 3-4h long, depending on how much you want to explore and how much time it would take for you to find a way out. I was battling with the idea of sharing my thoughts because it’s very hard to judge just a slice of the story, instead of the whole season, but why the hell not. Maybe I will read it when episode 5 comes out and see how wrong I was. 

So, without further ado, here’s my review of episode 2, but please be aware it includes a lot of spoilers. It’s also as honest as possible, although it’s my personal opinion only. And yes, it may be harsh, not sugarcoated, but sincere. 

MY REVIEW OF EPISODE 2 OF LIFE IS STRANGE 2

Call me naive, but I really had hopes. I really did. I didn’t like ep1, it was way too slow for my taste, with some dramatic moments that felt off, but overall I assumed that it might be just an exposition, an introduction to the world, the characters and their problems, and that the game would elaborate on everything else later. Sometimes the beginnings feel off and it gets better later, so that’s why I had some hopes (not super high) that ep2 of LIS2 will remind me of why this game even belongs to LIS franchise and why I should play the whole season. 

Well, it didn’t work out. 

Characters

Again, It’s my opinion only but I don’t feel that there are any character developments whatsoever. Daniel and Sean didn’t learn anything freezing their asses off in the mountains. They didn’t change their ways, not learning patience nor being careful. There is no tension between them or any quarrel about the events. The acceptance of their fate is understandable, but not helping with the lack of overall tension. The moments of calm, that usually gave the player the opportunity to know more about the main character’s inner thoughts, instead serve the purpose of a summary of the few previous scenes and nothing more. It almost feels like the writers don’t like the PC and don’t want to tell us more about Sean, because there is absolutely nothing worth telling. Remember the girl Sean was in love with in ep1? Never mentioned again. Remember his friends, his boss, his job, school, or sports he was interested in? He doesn’t mention them either. There is nothing in the journal or in the dialogues that would show us anything we don’t already know or wouldn’t assume by ourselves, and Sean’s insights seem more like repetitive whinings than anything impactful. In episode 1 I could wave off the fact that they decided to walk to Mexico being shocked, traumatized and lost. In episode 2, when they notoriously risk their lives or reject any other solution not learning from experience just to run away, you start questioning their sanity. I know the reason behind it - “oh plot” but “oh plot” is not good enough. 

The boys miss their dad, but don’t feel much upset or don’t present any sign of emotional trauma. There are no breakdowns and the brothers are more or less in good spirits staying optimistic, not asking themselves a single question about the future. Comparing to Chloe who was repeating “I wish Rachel was here” over and over and was living in this trauma the whole time, they don’t seem very much impacted by the events, but on the other hand, they place the dad’s photo on the table, so his death can be conveniently mentioned. The dog died (yes, it’s true, Mushroom is killed off in the first 20 minutes), and even if Daniel is supposedly devastated, it takes him only 5 minutes to shake it off and never mentions this dog again (oh ok, maybe once). If the characters don’t freaking care about this animal, why should I? 

It also seems that the characters keep forgetting what the objective is here. Maybe it’s on purpose, but they recall certain friends only when it’s convenient for the plot. “I’m gonna call Lyla” says Sean towards the end of the episode, even if he hadn’t mentioned her for 2 hours of gameplay. And even when getting devastating news about her, he is not really concerned, shrugs and sighs deeply. Yeah, we sigh with him.

When it comes to Sean himself, I really don’t mind the PC being a guy, really. If I had a problem with it, I wouldn’t be able to play 90% of video games. The thing I do have a problem with though, is Sean being an utter asshole. Yeah, he takes care of his brother and all, but he is freaking mean to his grandparents, showing lack of empathy and acceptance of a different point of view. Calling the grandma, a woman who opened her house to them “an old bat” is just a bit too much, especially after a month spent in an abandoned house without food or heating. There is no reason for him to judge those people so much and if there is a reason, we don’t know the details. How can I emotionally invest in a character that is not opening up to me, the player? Or maybe there is nothing more about Sean, and that’s even worse. 

There is a big mystery regarding why their mother left her sons but if you expect any answer while the boys are visiting their grandparents and can snoop around in Karen’s old room, you’d be mistaken. The devs are building the mystery in the typical David Cage style, that one of the characters is about to tell you something “Oh, I will tell you what your mother did..~” and then something happens and we’re left in the dark again. At this point, I expect some explosive explanation of why their mother left the family, but it’s ether drugs, a religious cult or some relationship stuff.

Tragedy Porn

Dear devs, the fact that a lot of people in the fandom are familiar with this term and use it regularly, doesn’t mean you should take it literally. I know that the LIS franchise is about hard choices or difficult situations, but killing kids and small animals left and right is just cheap and really unnecessary. It quickly gets old, just like “the boy who cried wolf” (pun intended) that as some point I don’t even blink when witnessing another digital death. I can’t be devastated by Mushroom’s death, because the dog had less screen time than Sean’s skateboard. I can’t feel sorry for every character (human or not) that you didn’t even give me a chance to feel connected to. I know that you want me to “feel something” but at this point the “feel” changes into “yawn”. Chris AKA Captain Spirit being dead (or almost dead) AGAIN - so I helped the boy just to see him die 1 hour later (I know it’s optional but still)? Lyla in the hospital, the family from the abandoned house being wiped out of the face of the earth because of cancer (at least not a car accident this time), Chris’s mom dead, the boys’ father dead, grandpa almost dying because of the accident… It’s too much. It feels cheap and not impactful. At this point, I will be surprised if you won’t just kill everybody. Who needs people on the West Coast anyway, huh?

I don’t even know if I want to learn more about the boys’ mother since you probably will kill her too.

Politics and Religion

In this episode, politics have been toned down, still visible though and there are a few moments when I literally rolled my eyes. This time the devs decided to say something more about religion since it’s a significant part of life if you live in a small town in America. Maybe it’s just me, but it seems that the power of prayer is being mocked rather than actually shown as somebody’s way of life. Acceptance and tolerance go both ways though. 

The boys surprisingly identify themselves as Mexicans, even though they are half Irish and have never been to their father’s homeland. There are a few moments when you are wondering whether they had ever really liked to live in the US, questioning everything around them. Sean, who spent a decent amount of time with his dad on “the road trips” as stated in ep1, seems genuinely surprised that in his country people keep the Bible by their beds, as if he had never been in any motel whatsoever where the Bible is always present, placed on the nightstand or in a drawer. If being religious bothers him, boy, oh boy, you will be hella surprised in Mexico. They also don’t know how to pray, which I find extremely hard to believe. It almost feels like a scene from “Anne of Green Gables” but damn, the girl had a valid reason not to know. They don’t, especially if they identify themselves as Mexicans. We could assume that they were also part of Mexican-American communities and I cannot believe that in THIS WORLD the immigrants from this particular part of the world don’t know how to pray. Although if you expect some deep conversation about God or religion in general, forget it. It’s just there to be there and that’s it.

I don’t want to discuss the articles in the newspaper about “the gentle police officer” that was killed by immigrants because it makes my blood boil. 

Against the logic, the brothers are still planning to escape to Mexico and no grown-up is really trying to talk them out of this idea. There are no alternatives provided or discussed except a pat on the back and an offer for a quick stop if even. Even the grandparents are a bit concerned but no one really gives them any real advice, which I find unlikely. The problem is that if anybody would actually give them a piece of real advice, we wouldn’t have a game.

And that’s a problem, isn’t it?

Gameplay

We have a few mini-games and fetch quests like finding bottles in the abandoned house (why always freaking bottles?), the pirate version of dice poker (never brought back again) and drawing. None of those serve any purpose except a filler that you might enjoy but it doesn’t matter if you succeed in them or not, unless the game forces you to succeed. Don’t get me wrong, I’m aware that this particular genre doesn’t usually provide a set of complex challenges in its gameplay, but it seriously looks like LIS2 is throwing us a bone, remembering from time to time that uh, it’s a game, not a movie. Those mini games are not really engaging, not really connected to the plot, but just for… whatever reason, as part of the daily chores. 

But it’s a game about choices, you say! Yes, it is, but only some of them really matter and I’m not sure for how long. If you give me a choice to do something or NOT to do it, please consider that I might pick the latter and don’t force me into your favorite path. It happens from time to time and it’s utterly annoying. If you want me to do something, just don’t give me the illusion that I can refuse. 

It almost seems that LIS2 turned into a dark alley where you are rewarded for picking the “good, canonical path” and punished for playing it differently than the devs indented. I loved LIS1 for ambiguous choices that I might pick, depending on my personal preferences, not to mention that those choices are made during an emotional moment. I don’t feel I have that opportunity here, just as if somebody who constructed it forgot why LIS was so great and is so loved.

When it comes to dialogue, it is way better than LIS1, regarding how people actually speak. On the other hand, the lines are just there to be there and I can’t recall a single line that would be worth quoting. 

And one more thing. Cutscenes. So many cutscenes. The moment when I actually could do something with my controller was a celebration. I don’t mind cutscenes in general, but it almost feels like a movie.  A long, boring, super slow movie.

Superpower


The superpower is mentioned, mostly in rules that Sean is lecturing Daniel about, but it’s non-existent in the gameplay almost at all. It’s drastically different comparing to LIS1, when Max was using her power almost all the time or was a challenge not to use it. Here we know that Daniel can do things but most of the time he conveniently forgets about it or uses it in the wrong moment. I know the game is about education but the superpower itself seems like a plot device, an additional reason to run to Mexico than anything else. They talk more about it than use it. It sounds like a good idea in general and it probably looked great on paper, but at some point I didn’t care about the superpower at all, forgetting that this secret even exists.

Season 1

When it comes to references to season 1, Arcadia Bay, or any character that we know from LIS1, there is almost nothing. Yes, you can find a drawing of ”door to another world” instead of hole to another universe, or graffiti on the wall that Sean and Daniel were here, similar to the famous junkyard thing, but it won’t give you any insight about what had happened to the favorite characters or any glimpse of their fate. There was more about Arcadia Bay in Captain Spirit than the whole LIS2 so far. The devs were damn serious, showing us Arcadia Bay in episode 1, destroyed or not, saying that this is the past. It seems that they don’t want to even refer to this past much and it’s fine, but if you’re hoping for anything, just anything related to LIS1, forget it.

Technical problems

Oh, boy. I’m aware that creating games is not an easy job and a team sport. I know that it’s almost a miracle that some of the titles even got shipped, but episode 2 of LIS2 is probably the MOST BUGGED EPISODE in the history of this franchise. Glitches, problems with sound, teleportation of objects, animations that didn’t work or songs being cut off… I’m not talking about a few mistakes here and there, but it happens all the time. It’s so common it’s an epidemic and you face some technical challenge almost in every scene as if Bethesda was putting this episode together. This episode looks like advanced beta, not a finished product that had been delayed for months. It seems ironic when recalling the posts from the Life is Strange blog about QA teams, one in France and one in Canada, carefully checking every detail and describing how quality was important. Especially in that context, this is really a disaster, however, I didn’t face any technical problem that would make this episode impossible to finish.

What worked

So what’s great about this episode? Does everything suck? Well, of course not. On the upside, the locations are absolutely stunning. You want to explore the town, the houses, play in the snow, dive into the world, even if you don’t expect anything groundbreaking to happen. The level design, in my opinion, is better than in LIS1, more consistent and intriguing. I know a lot of people might disagree with me but somebody put their heart and soul building this environment, creating something really beautiful. Except for the locations, I liked some songs and the music, way more than in ep1, but it’s not as good as in LIS1 or BTS. Better, but not great.

Cassidy

Oh, somebody was reading “Preacher”, weren’t ya? Or is ia reference to “On the road”? A lot of people seem excited about her finally showing up. I have mixed feelings about this character since I’m not sure if I want to discover the world from her perspective. A stoned, hippie-rasta girl, who takes pride in being free and “not owned by any corporation” (except Square Enix hehehe), is maybe a realistic character and I’m not saying that people like her don’t exist here, but I’m on the fence, to be honest. It seems that the devs are trying to establish the next canon ship or something with her being interested in Sean and him actually “liking her” after exchanging 3 sentences, but that really feels off. She seems more like Chloe 2.0 than anything else, but we shall see (in the next 6 months or whenever they will fucking publish the next ep). Plus for fuck’s sake, Sean was into Jenn (I don’t remember her name exactly), and there was Lyla, and then this girl. Dude!

Summary

It was boring. It was extremely freaking boring to the point that I lost my patience to check every single detail or examine every object. I don’t feel any need to replay it, even if the consequences of my choices weren’t great. I’m not curious about different outcomes nor do I want to check if I missed anything. There is not a single scene I want to see or experience again. In my game, Chris died and I don’t really feel the need to replay it and change the outcome since I will never meet him again or even deal with the consequences of his death. The whole road trip setting is intriguing but drastically different to what I loved about Life is Strange - learning more about each character, dwelling deeper into the situation, uncovering a hidden mystery. We won’t learn more about most of those characters (or it doesn’t seem possible) since we just pass them and move on, exchanging a dialogue or two like with a pedestrian on the street. There is a charm to the road trip idea, but then I would have to be extremely interested in the main characters, including the PC, to actually follow their journey closely. In LIS1 I didn’t have to like Max to play the whole thing, curious about Chloe or Rachels’ disappearance. In a road trip setting the two brothers are the core of the story and if you’re not fond of them, it won’t work.

So far it’s not working for me.

[qqueenofhades]

A doc request where Karen is in labor and there’s a complication such as the baby being breech and Frank attempts to help and support her.

Frank Castle has never actually been present for the birth of any of his children before. He didn’t even get to see Lisa’s, aside from cell phone pictures that his mother-in-law sent him, because he was in the middle of a firefight with the Taliban in Kabul. He did get to see Frankie’s, watched it on his phone with his headphones in (so as not to scar his unit for life) in the dead of night up the ass of fuckin’ Waziristan. Waved at the screen, blew a kiss to Maria, finally got home and the kid was already walking, had no goddamn clue who he was. Cried and ran when Frank first stepped through the door in his fatigues. It was thinking of Maria that stopped him from shooting the female suicide bomber, the one who took out Curtis’ leg. He doesn’t have any experience with this, and frankly, given how nervous he already is and has been for nine months, he’s fucking terrified.

It’s been a few hours now, and he’s mostly managed to prowl around the hospital room and piss off the nurses, who keep suggesting that Mr. Castiglione could wait outside, but neither Frank nor Karen will permit that. Things are going almost-but-not-quite-normally. Karen is hanging in there, and has accepted the drugs because she’s not a martyr, but sweat sticks her hair to the back of her neck, and her grip in Frank’s hand is crushing his fingers. His anxiety ratchets up with each minute that drains by with no apparent change. It feels malevolent somehow, personal. Facing something where he can’t kill anyone to fix it, and in fact can’t do anything at all. Stuck, like in a nightmare, watching it unfold.

“C’mon,” he says, more as a reflex than anything, feeling stupid, because of course she’s fuckin’ trying. “Come on, sweetheart. I got you. I got you.”

Karen’s breathing hard, but she gives him a look as if to say she knows that, and she’s grateful. Frank first tried to suggest that she take someone else into the delivery room – Foggy, probably, Foggy seems like he could keep his shit together – but after it’s hard to say whether Karen or Foggy was more horrified by that idea, here Frank is instead. It’s not like he doesn’t want to be there, doesn’t want to support her. He’s just… well.

(Terrified.)

Karen’s fingers claw at his again as another contraction hits, Frank really wishes somebody would goddamn do something instead of standing around staring at charts, and evil-eyes the midwife, who comes over and says they might need to adjust, that the baby isn’t in the right position. Frank thinks it’s perhaps no surprise that his kid is coming into the world as a stubborn cuss from the fucking start, determined to throw two middle fingers at everyone and do things their way, but it’s still a pain. He doesn’t know what to say, other than rough, murmured encouragements. Karen whimpers. He hates the entire world.

“You okay?” he mutters, as they’ve finished whatever they need to do and Karen has fallen back against the pillow, breathing hard. “Karen, you okay?”

“Yeah. I think.” She gulps and grimaces, using her free hand to wipe her forehead. “Next time, I’m just having a damn C-section.”

That catches Frank like a blunt instrument between the eyes, not least because it suggests there will be a next time, that this is something real, something that he can hold onto, and he isn’t sure he can trust in that. It’s too late to take this one back, and he would kill the entire hospital to protect it and Karen, but his pulse spikes almost painfully, and he has to let go of her hand and step away for a few minutes. Jesus Christ. Jesus, what is he thinking. He can’t do this again, he can’t survive it, he can’t feel this much. He is too shattered, too raw. He will love like knives, like bullets, like punches. He is too violent for tenderness, for such a small and perfect thing. That memory of Lisa dancing, dancing. How could anything that beautiful come from me?

(And yet. And yet.)

Things finally start to get going after that, Frank returns to his post as chief hand-holder, and mutters nothing, nothing in particular, as he holds Karen’s head and kisses her sweaty temples. She lets out a few proper screams, because it’s her goddamn right, and he says, “I got you, Karen, I got you, I got you,” because he does, he won’t let go. It feels like both of them are straining, struggling past all human limits and endurance, and finally the shrill screams of a newborn fill the room, Karen sags back into his arms, and Frank loses his mind a little.

He can’t breathe, he can’t focus, he is only vaguely aware what’s going on, as the kid is taken off to be sure its knuckleheadedness (no idea where it got that from) has not done any permanent damage. It takes Frank another moment to remember to ask if it’s a boy or a girl, as they didn’t find out before. He couldn’t stand it, exactly, felt it easier to leave it as an enigma. Didn’t want to wonder too much about Lisa or Frankie or one versus the other. And yet –

The answer is that it’s a boy. A son. He has a son again. They have a son. For the first time since the first bullets started flying at the carousel, Frank Castle is a father again. It feels like a terrible mistake.

The kid’s brought back, washed and wrapped, and put into Karen’s arms. She coos with weary, delighted affection, lets it – lets him – hold her finger. Jesus, Frank thinks numbly. The fuck are they going to name it? They obviously have a list of names that won’t work because he has some mortal enemy of that description. Can’t name it Matthew. Definitely fuckin’ cannot name it William. Anything Irish is likewise on shaky ground. Fuck. Fuck. God, he’s blowing this.

“Here,” Karen says. “Do you want to hold him?”

Frank does, he goddamn does, he wants it so bad he feels he’ll split in half. But he also isn’t sure he can stand it for the first time in a room full of strangers, doctors and nurses and whoever else. There are people waiting for the news – Curtis, the Liebermans, Uncle Matt and Uncle Foggy – and Frank lurches to his feet. David’s out in the waiting room. David’s a father too. David will get it. Maybe help him make some calls. Maybe do it for him, if he has to go somewhere and break down.

“In a bit,” Frank says. “In a bit, huh?”

And with that – he tries to smile for her, he kisses the side of her head, but he really needs to be alone right now, and he hates it with all his heart that he can’t stay there, right there, forever – he runs.

[killianmesmalls]

FINALLY!!! My con recap is... long. And I’m wordy. And it’s long. BUT IT’S HERE! Below the cut for anyone who is crazy enough to read it all. 

Friday:

By the time the weekend really got started, I had already had the chance to meet up with @lillpon Wednesday evening for a last-day-at-work happy hour and then again when she, @justmilah, and @fraddit came over to my place to hang out, watch Once, and put the totally last minute touches on my Tilly cosplay. (Also, BTW, yes I am using nicknames because 1) I figure it’s easier for people to follow along and 2) I don’t know how much some people want their real names to be attached to fellow crazies and sent into the ether.) We ended up venturing down to pick up the car from my father-in-law, and on the way found a meeting place for @queen-mabs-revenge to gather with us. Now, we couldn’t find her, kept checking to see where she might be, when LO, HERE COMETH A TINY ITALIAN IN A BIG MCFRIGGIN HAT. Yes, she was indeed sauntering down 8th Avenue in her Lt. Jones hat, which was probably the 18th weird thing most passing New Yorkers had seen in the two hours since they had woken up.

We then all tackle each other and me, @fraddit, @justmilah, and @queen-mabs-revenge continue on to meet my FIL for the car, where Mabs was super on board with helping him trek stuff from the trunk back to his apartment after seconds of meeting him. Such a polite. Without much ado, we make our way to the middle of friggin nowhere New Jersey, aided by the very comforting fact that Mabs navigates the way I need to be navigated to. Much thanks. Many appreciate. Wow.

Our first stop once we go around in circles a few times since driving in Whippany itself is a damn adventure was to meet up with @thesschesthair. While Mabs is confusing the front desk dude with her hat, Chesty over there gives us a call and I sneak out, lock eyes across the dingy parking lot of the Red Carpet Inn, by its derelict diner, and leap into her arms. She then comes over to attack Milah and Fraddit before properly grabbing Mabs so hard they were close to osmosis.

I’m not going to lie, it’s at this point through to Monday evening where things sort of blur. Mabs and Chesty requested rooms beside each other and GUESS WHAT. Yep, you guessed it, they had rooms that actually were connected by a door that was hidden behind Mabs’s oversized fridge. Oh! And there was a random toilet just hanging out outside their rooms. Because, why not? When Puh Pah has to go, he has to go. Also, it’s here that Mabs gives us all Alice-themed totes from Poundland (YES, LAUGH, IT’S GREAT) and then we do roundabouts again to get to the Marriott where the rest of us are staying.

Registration was a breeze, and then we collapse into the lounge area where we meet up with @theonceoverthinker and an already-registered Chesty, where she and I are off to the side making inappropriate jokes and then deciding it’s time to wine o’clock this con. Guys? The pub in the Marriott got some play by the Pirate Crew (thank you, @freifraufischer for dubbing us all as pirates), we tried their Poisoned Apple sangria, shot the shit, and then went about checking in and getting ourselves settled while at various points meeting up with @captregina, @lillpon, and @freifraufischer.

At some point (again because all is a blur) we went to Chris’s Q&A where I asked him a couple of questions and honestly blanked on most of the experience because OMFGITALKEDTOSMEE. Then Jared came on, was very much however you’d imagine Jared being, and I was still very much focused on Chris saying how much Smee would love Alice and knowing that Colin and Rose day was tomorrow.

Afterwards, we got autographs, where Mabs’s delightful totes came in handy and I had Gil, Chris, and Jared sign the back of the Alice tote. Gil was nice and I complimented Jared on how much him being open about anxiety meant to people, but it was Chris that, to me, was the MVP. He was incredibly personable, funny, and a total teddy bear. I asked him about the blooper he was in where it seemed like Smee was trying to convince Hook to not duel with Ahab (the one where Colin spat in his face) and Chris said he honestly forgot what was happening in that scene, but he would ask Colin. Still, the one thing he did remember was when he knelt down in front of Colin in the post-duel “Congratulations, Captain, you won!” scene, he split his pants. The camera was to his back, but his treasures were on full display in front of Colin.

I also asked Chris for a hug because, I mean, YOLO, and he obliged! Honestly, he’s a damn pumpkin and I adore him.

Now, there was karaoke night after this, but some of us were bad idea bears and decided to say “f--- this” and went into the pool with some sea salt gin Mabs had brought over. We’re super classy, guys.

...What happens at the pool, stays in the pool. :P

Saturday:

OMG COLIN AND ROSE DAY! COLIN AND ROSE DAY! COLIN AND ROSE DAY!

I was legit saying this and hopping up and down I don’t know how many times. I focused most of the morning trying to make sure I had myself together, getting my tights ripped just right, getting my hair done, venturing to @captregina’s room so I could do her hair (where I met @brave-lassie), doing her eyeliner, doing my makeup, meeting up with everyone, and trying to contain my feelings about COLIN AND ROSE DAY!!!

I missed most of the Wild Bunch Q&A in my efforts to get ready and in waiting for Rose’s photo ops. I lined up with Capt just by where the actors enter into the room they do the photo ops in and got my very first in-person look at Rose.

Guys.

GUYS.

That precious angel GLOWS. I cannot say enough how adorable and lovely she looks and is in person, but I will try my best. She’s insanely precious. Honestly, I was probably a walking hearteyes emoji. I try to keep my cool as I wait for her in line, where I’m set to get a picture with her than a shared picture with her and Capt, and the moment she sees me in my Tilly cosplay she exclaims, “NAILED IT!” Then, like a spastic idiot, I told her I couldn’t help myself since she’s my favorite, and she said, “You’re my favorite!” Bless her. She’s insanely personable and tilts her head to you, and is a personified cupcake.

After that, I brought Capt in for a shared picture with her, where we handed her my bunny mask and Rubik’s cube I had made with the help of Lill as we (plus Milah and Fraddit) had lounged on my couch Thursday night. She geeked out a bit over them, I asked her which one she wanted to hold, and she chose the Rubik’s cube, I held the mask, and Capt and I held a pillowcase she had gotten a while back that said, “We’re all mad here.”

Rapid fire they then did Colin and Chris photos followed by Colin and Rose, where all of us collectively lost our minds throughout. There are some pretty stellar ones people got with Colin and Chris, and then OMFG KNIGHTROOK.

Not going to lie, I kind of blanked on it a bit. I just remember saying “hi” to them both, taking a photo in the middle of them, and then ushering in PERFECT TACO HAT LT. JONES MCMABS in for the second photo, where I pulled a crazy face and she pulled that cheesy salute in that pic of him and Bernard.

Then was Rose’s Q&A, and as you can tell she’s still the embodiment of sunshine with a dash of silliness. I must have had a massive smile on my face the entire time in between bouts of laughter.

Before her panel ended, they called for Colin photos, which I needed to get to early because I had Rose’s meet and greet, but HELL NO WAS I MISSING ANY OF ROSE. Nope. So I stayed, then dashed out, and totally thought I’d be fine because…hey, I had already met and touched the man, how hard could this be?

BEING A NORMAL HUMAN AROUND HIM IS IMPOSSIBLE. I just hope I didn’t sound too much like an idiot when I said another hello and asked, “Do you mind if I give you a hug?”

Tired panda just opened his arms and we took a quick picture, and his face was SUPER CLOSE TO MINE and I didn’t know what to do with myself and suddenly that scruff was AGAINST MAH FACE. I think I entered a new plane of existence at some point but remembered I had feed and managed to use them to walk out and not completely venture to a new reality.

It was probably a good thing I didn’t have time to transcend to nirvana because ROSE’S MEET AND GREET WAS NEXT. It got off to a late start since Emilie was still in the room when we got up there, but I’d wait howmstever long for her.

SHE IS AN ANGEL. I mean, absolute, 100%, grade-A, undiluted angel. She makes an effort to engage with everyone and really make eye contact with you, speak to you for as much as she can, and is just naturally her sweet and funny self. She then took selfies with everyone, where I told her my name was “Carrie, like the movie” which is my default at Starbucks because then people know how to spell it. She fake scared and pretended like she was ducking her head and going to walk out, which we shared a laugh at before our picture.

I missed most of Karen David’s panel, but right afterward was COLIN!!! Tired panda did his best to wake up and be his silly, smartass self, bless his heart. I’m so glad he said he wished there were more to the KnightRook story because he feels like there’s more to explore with that and HARD AGREE, COL! Also massive, MASSIVE shoutout to Overthinker for her crazy awesome questions!!! You are indeed worthy of being his favorite!!! Also, props to @the-girl-in-the-band-tshirt for her original question about craft services. Dudes, the things we don’t think about!!! I need to try a grilled cheese with pickles now, that sounds AMAZING. OH! OH!!! AND HE DID THE WORM! AND SANG! How were we this #blessed?!?!

We then had a hot minute (or roughly 30) before KNIGHTROOK PANEL!!! Guys, those two and their dynamic will never not kill me. THOSE TWOOOOOOO!!!! HOW PERFECT ARE THEY?!?! I think their humor together is priceless and she’s like a damn coffee bean to him. It’s a good thing I like odd things because I CAN’T EVEN WITH THEM. (:smirk:) AS IF THAT WEREN’T ENOUGH he goes and kills us with his Millian answer and I see Mabs and Milah vibrating into the ether.

After that is almost immediately autographs, where they had us line up for Colin then head over to Rose. They tucked tired panda behind this black curtain, and Mabs, Capt, and I coordinated getting various things signed for us and others. When I told him something was for someone who had contributed to the Whitecaps charity, he replied, “Oh! Very good.” Then he got my spyglass and went all childishly curious, peeked inside the box, then raised his eyebrow and gave me a smirk.

Then it was off to see Rose, who was taking more time to talk to fans, which is understandable given the fact that Colin had a longer line and Rose also can’t seem to help herself. Chesty gave me her badge so I could get a second autograph, like a friggin champ, and I had Rose sign the spyglass and also had the title page of the manuscript I’ve written (I NEED TO FINISH EDITING IT) and told her it was a 1920s Alice in Wonderland retelling, and I thought having her sign it would be a good luck charm. She sounded super enthusiastic about it and wrote a long note for me on it, which I will for sure cherish forever!!!

OH! And on my way to get into the Rose line, I hear someone say my name and LO AND BEHOLD, IT’S @leiandcharles!!! HUZZAH!!! I probably sounded like a spaz because I was on a Colin and Rose high and was all over the place but she pretended to not be terrified of the insanity that was me… ANYWAY!

It was then time for dinner. With the pub PACKED TO THE GILLS, especially after there was a bomb scare at a nearby hotel so the people there had to come over to ours for a bit, a group of us went up to Capt’s room to hang out and get pizza. I’m probably going to blank on everyone that was in that room, but I do remember dragging Leia there, meeting @coaldustcanary, Overthinker kicking over my drink and being roasted about it by Chesty (still makes me giggle!), and generally being a nuisance with Capt, Mabs, and Milah while Fraddit, and Lill went off to introduce Chesty to Chipotle. It has since changed her life.

At some point we declare we should hang out at the pub again, and a group of us went to go shoot the shit until Mabs passed out right there in the booth (CALLIN’ YOU OUT, POPS!) and everyone was sufficiently either toasted or tired. Some of us then venture up to my room, and shenanigans ensued. THUS ENDETH COLIN AND ROSE DAY!

Sunday:

While I was sad this seemed like a less crazy day for us, I was also a bit relieved because hot DAMN was I tired after the day before. Still, we didn’t have much time to really collect ourselves because the Mills fam gold panel started at 10, so a group of us wandered down to breakfast.

We then get in to see Andrew, Lana, and Bex, where Lana and Bex were of course hysterical together, Andy looked cute, and you could feel the collective vibrating of all Regina and Zelena fans which was adorable. I mean, I love Regina, but there was some LOVE in that room from her Evil Regals. I do wish Andy had gotten a bit more attention or had been a bit more vocal, but it’s got to be hard to not just let Lana and Bex own the stage.

There was then a decent break before Bex’s panel. That woman, as you all likely know, is HYSTERICAL. She kept the room laughing through most of her panel, and you can see she has nothing but love for her fans and her costars.

After her panel, I don’t have anything I’m too fussed about until 2 (MILAH WAS ROBBED IN THAT VID CONTEST, BTW, JUST SAYING) and so some of us gather together for lunch in, you guessed it, the hotel pub! Dudes, our options were limited and it looked like a library and had loaded potato soup. What more do you want?

It’s then time to MEET LANA, where me, Mabs, and Capt try to strategically settle ourselves somewhere out of the way but close enough to the side door to get a good look at the queen as she walks in. And, DAMN, that woman is gorgeous! Me and Capt then leap into the line where she proceeds to get two very adorable photos done and then I get pulled in to get hugged by Lana (!!!!!!!!!) while Capt hugs her from the back. She was super sweet and patient the whole time with everyone, and you could really see how much she loves spending time with her fans.

We then decide some of us need shots because some of us (*cough* Capt *cough*) are about to pass out from being so near Her Majesty’s presence, and then we wander into the ballroom for Henry Squared’s panel. Andy was adorable, Jared was typical Jared. I’ll be honest, I don’t have anything from that panel that seems to stick out to me as a solid memory, though maybe that was the whiskey shot’s fault.

Then comes Lana’s panel and, once again, you can feel the energy of the Evil Regals in the room. For however silly Colin, Rose, and KnightRook panels are, HOLY DAMN Lana panels are just filled with all sorts of emotions! It was like a damn rollercoaster! I laughed, I teared up, I was generally all over the place. SO MANY FEELINGS, GUYS. It was delightful but also made me just desperately need to laugh about fart jokes with my fellow Colin heathens. WE DON’T KNOW EMOTIONS.

Sadly during the following break, it is time to say farewell to the spun sugar that is Lillpon. I console myself knowing I’ll see her again, but it’s depressingly others’ last time with her, but ONLY FOR NOW. Yes? Yes.

Next up is autos with Andrew and then Lana. Andrew was a sweetheart. I was standing next to Capt and Mabs, where we proceeded to tell him how great we thought he was in season 7 and how much that season and his performance in it meant to us and brought back some love for the show. He seemed genuinely touched and said it meant a lot to him to hear that. Bless that boy.

We then wait a bit for me, Capt, Mabs, and Milah to venture up for Lana’s autos. By the time we got to her, we had this whole strategic thing planned out where I’d bring up S7 Hooked Queen, Capt gets her Hooked Queen picture signed, and Mabs gets the word for Capt’s tattoo. Lana says she did expect when they started that she thought Hook and Regina were going to be a thing but alas. Oh! And Mabs tells her that they’ve got family from the same area of Sicily, where Lana proceeds to say they do kinda look alike, and it is now confirmed #fam.

With everything over, we head once again to, YOU GUESSED IT AGAIN, the hotel pub. Chesty and Fraddit have already settled in and eaten, and me, Mabs, Capt, Overthinker, and Milah get ourselves all ordered up where we both mourn the end of the weekend and still buzz from the high the last three days had given us. A series of more shenanigans ensues, and none of us are ready for the weekend to be over. I’m pretty sure we collectively tried to drag it out for as long as possible.

For one last hurrah, we then venture to the pool again and meet up with @reginamotherfuckingmills and @agntreginaskywalker, where we all debrief and collectively laugh about the weekend, in addition to getting all into our feels about how Swan Queen fans and Hook fans are being all chill and friendly with each other. WHO KNEW PEOPLE COULD HUMAN?!

It was a fantastic end to the weekend, and there were more days ahead that involved ridiculous conversations in the car (Thicc Lady and Pointy Boi! Is this Central Park?! etc), meeting Mabs’s ENTIRE FAMILY, hearing Chesty lose her mind several times, enjoying super Long Island experiences with them, Milah, Overthinker, and Fraddit, and so on. Some of us also went sailing on a tall boat later, where we hoisted the main sail and felt like proper pirates! Then there was just general hanging out, but I won’t bore you further with that.

Instead, I’ll bore you with shoutouts!

@lillpon DESCUSTANG!!! You’re such a damn delight. Both sharing a bed and hoisting the main sail with you was brilliant and I love you forever. YOU MET COLIN!!!

@queen-mabs-revenge What are words? I have none. And if I started I’d probably turn into a mess so FARTS BELLY PT CRUISER POINTY BOI FARTS! I’ll probably emotion at some point and send it to you in private and then go run off to watch bloopers or something to get back to some sort of state of normal.

@fraddit SEVEN?! WHAT’S IN THE BOX?! Resting judge face or no, you’re fantastic, I love you, and you’re forever welcome in my apartment! Or basically anywhere with me.

@thesschesthair You funny asshole, I don’t know what I would have done without you to be there to say jokes as foul as mine. You were such a good sport about me being an annoying shit. I’m keeping my fingers and toes crossed we can celebrate your birthday with a Captain Charming shindig!!!

@justmilah You’re so sweet and so funny and just damn precious. I LOVED going to the American Girls store, traipsing around Rockefeller Center, exploring actual Central Park, getting Millian and Knightrook feels in the AMNH, and wasting time at Johnny Utah’s with you. You’re always welcome!!!

@captregina Mah darling! I’m so glad and relieved that you had a good experience! You earned it, and I’m excited to talk about it over brunch with you.

@theonceoverthinker YOU FAVORITE PHD GENIUS! Stellar questions from a stellar person. It was amazing to hang out with you and we should do it again soon!!!

@the-girl-in-the-band-tshirt You’re a precious angel and it was delightful to meet you! I’m so glad you felt welcomed into the fold. But, of course you were! You’re wonderful!

@brave-lassie From one “mom” to another, thanks! Also, you’re a sweetheart and YOU MAKE AN AMAZING RED!!!

@leiandcharles @freifraufischer @coaldustcanary @reginamotherfuckingmills and @agntreginaskywalker IT WAS LOVELY TO MEET YOU ALL! And thank you for being so patient and awesome with some of the shenanigans.

[tilbageidanmark]

Movies I watched this week - 38

Early 60′s Sidney Lumet X 2:

✳️✳️✳️ “...You have a poet in you, but it’s a damn morbid one...”

Lumet’s 1962 powerful version of O’Neill’s stage play Long Day’s Journey Into Night. Superb ensemble performance by Katharine Hepburn, Ralph Richardson, and very young Jason Robards and Dean Stockwell.

A dysfunctional family of three drunks and a morphine fiend mother bicker and struggles with their own shortcomings, responsibilities and madness.

✳️✳️✳️ The Pawnbroker (1964), first mainstream American film to deal with the psychology of a holocaust survivor. But the combination of a bitter & lonely concentration camp survivor who became a Harlem pawnbroker, the black & Puerto Ricans stereotypes, the money as the only value left for the desperate Jew, Etc. didn’t gel. 3/10.

✴️          

Udo Kier’s plays the lead in the new Swan Song, a daring & heartbreaking tear-jerker about a very old gay hairdresser, the “Liberace of Sandusky, Ohio”, who escapes his nursing home in order to style a dead woman's hair.

Beautiful! The best film of the week.

✴️          

A thought-provoking documentary, I, Pastafari, about recent efforts by adherents of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (”FSM”) to be accepted as a “real”, non-satirical religion, mostly in The Netherlands and in Germany. "It is a serious offense to mock God". I found it an interesting argument on claimed faith and the nature of traditions. Long live Bobby Henderson!

R’amen!

✴️          

Yves Montand X 3:

✳️✳️✳️ First re-watch in over 20 years: Claude Berri’s ‘The Water of the Hills’ stories, AKA  Jean de Florette and Manon des Sources. Two classic period pieces of classic Provence-chic with Gérard Depardieu, Daniel Auteuil and Yves Montand. Deception, betrayal and revenge. 7+/10

✳️✳️✳️ First watch: Melville’s cool heist ‘policier’ Le Cercle Rouge, with Alain Delon’s glued-on porn-'stache. The ‘Red Circle’ is actually a ‘Red Herring’, as the Buddha quote in the epigraph was made up by Melville: The divergent  paths of unknowing men will come together inside the Red Circle... Yeah sure.

Now, off to see Rififi...

✴️          

Lennon’s Last Weekend, a Nothing documentary centered around the week-long interviews that Lennon gave DJ Andy Peebles of the BBC up until December 6, 1980, 2 days before he was killed.

✴️        

2 Directed by Tony Gilroy, again:

✳️✳️✳️ “I'm Shiva, the God of death.”

Michael Clayton must be my absolute favorite film from the last 20 years. I’ve seen it 12-15 times, and it’s perfect in every sense: every single frame, or cut, the soundtrack, his son Henry’s 'Realm and Conquest' sub-plot, the horses, Monsanto’s Karen Crowder’s double-speak... Every time I’m reminded of it, I'm ‘forced’ to watch it again. 

10/10

✳️✳️✳️ 2 years after Michael Clayton, Gilroy assembled many of the same players to do Duplicity: Tom Wilkinson & Denis O’Hare acting, James Newton Howard’s score, Robert Elswit DP, Etc. but this convoluted romance between two industrial spies who double and triple cross each other and everybody else is too clever, with too many complex plot twists. 5/10   

✴️           

Not a big David Lynch fan, and re-watching Blue Velvet for the second time after many years, I disliked it even more. The brilliant beginning, up to the discovery of the severed ear definitely signifies “This is Andalusian dog for the ‘80″. The rest of it, the sexual slavery, the masochism, voyeurism, fetishism of vintage pop songs left me completely cold.

(Photo Above) 

✴️         

Based on Michael Lewis’s book, The Big Short is another of my regular Guilty Pleasures housing market crash films. Because it’s about my 2004-2010 real estate investment career, and because I was there. 9/10

✴️        

More about the shuttered, big American Scam, Frontline’s The Retirement Gamble. I can’t believe that for half my life I let myself live within and (somehow) accept the system. Thanks, Sammy.

✴️       

“It’s the corn cubes!...”

Beatboxer Reggie Watts's A Live At Central Park (2012) - Funniest shit of the week!

(Prompt by a refresher on Metafilter.)

✴️        

Sex, Lies, and Videotape, Steven Soderbergh‘s pathological debut film. It influenced me so much, I even had the same wooden cassette cases, to keep my tapes. The four then-unknown actors were all incredible. 100% mature film, not by a 26 year old pisher. The only vague, unconvincing scene is Graham opening up to Ann at the end. 9+/10

✴️      

...Compared that to Bitter Moon, another late 80′s erotic ‘thriller’, Polanski’s unwatchable Merde. The man directed ‘Chinatown’ for Christ sake! Four terrible performances (including Polanski’s wife, Mariel Hemingway-lite), in a ‘daring’ exploration of ‘depraved’ sexuality. Truly awful.

1/10

✴️      

2 X National Lampoon:

✳️✳️✳️ Drunk Stoned Brilliant Dead: The Story of the National Lampoon, a 2015 documentary film. I wasn’t familiar much with that history.

✳️✳️✳️ And so, National Lampoon’s Animal House - First watch. I wish I saw it 40 years ago, then maybe it would have worth a chuckle or two. As it is, it was the worst film I saw this week.

✴️      

2 short documentaries:

✳️✳️✳️ Ice Ball, a short Vimeo story about Ice Harvesting in northern Minnesota.

✳️✳️✳️ The driver is red, an animated short about the hunt for Eichmann, told by an Israeli Mossad agent.

✴️        

The Swarm, a new French horror movie about anthropo-entomophagy (insect eating): Blood sucking grasshoppers!

Meh.

- - - - -

(My complete movie list is here)

[fandammit]

Loss like the sharp edges of a knife (8/9)

Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3 || Part 4 || Part 5 || Part 6 || Part 7

[A/N: Sometimes your OCs take you on a journey, and you just gotta follow along and see where it leads.]

His early morning run does bring him past Karen’s apartment.

It’s a dark, cloudy day with a weird, final cold snap of weather that has him wearing a sweater and his beanie for the first time in weeks.

Amidst the backdrop of the gray sky and gray pavement and sullen gray-toned brick is the pot of yellow daffodils, so bright it might as well act as a beacon to him from the down the street.

Sitting on the ledge of her window is his worn, battered copy of Moby Dick. He picks it up carefully and opens it, flips through the pages hesitatingly. He’s not quite sure what he’s expecting to find, not quite sure what might hurt him the most -- that there’s something within its pages that speaks to her lack of understanding of him, or that there’s nothing within it at all.

He breathes out a long sigh of relief when he sees that she’s written on nearly every page, forces himself to close the book with a sharp thwap because he can’t trust himself to stop once he gets started.

He runs back to the car with the book gripped closely to his chest, keeps it tucked up next to him as he drives back to him apartment. Some practical, logical part of him knows that it’s no more or less from Karen than any of her other gifts to him, but it’s overshadowed by that deeper, more sentimental part of him that believes Karen has in some way looked into his soul and at least not found it wanting.  

He opens the book up in the silence of his living room, his breath loud in his ears, his heart thumping painfully in his chest. A quick flip through reveals that she’s left nothing tangible in it; has instead chosen to leave pieces of herself as words on the pages -- answers to his questions, questions to his underlined passages, replies to his notes in the margins.

By now, he knows the story by heart, could simply read through Karen's margin notes and be done in a single afternoon.

But this gift is not a photo or a thing -- it is not a single moment, frozen in time, or a single object, static and unchanging. Instead, what he holds in his hands feels like something closer to a conversation, more intimate and real than the drawn out months of exchanges they've had by way of gifts.

He reads the first few pages of the novel, then reads his notes aloud, muttered softly under his breath. He flicks his eyes over Karen's written reply, his gaze moving slowly over her firm, slanted script, the words so completely her that he can almost hear her voice echoing in the emptiness of his living room.

So he decides to re-read the entire book again, decides that he can’t fully understand the conversation between him and Karen without falling back into the story at the same time.

That first day he has the book back, he has to put it down halfway through the third chapter when he looks up at the clock and realizes that he’s supposed to be on his way to the boxing gym. He grabs his gym bag and, at the last moment, throws the book in there, too. He knows he won’t have any time to read it -- especially not since Paul will likely make him run at least two extra laps for being late -- but it gives him a small sense of comfort just to have it nearby.

Paul makes him run through extra drills for being late, but he doesn’t mind -- it makes the time go by faster, helps him to forget the lingering presence of Karen in his bag by the door.

He barely has time to shower and change before he’s rushing off to Jeremy and Marisol’s house, making good on a promise to Mrs. Abaya that he’ll fix their dryer.

He’s five minutes later than he said he would be, but it works out fine because there’s no car in the driveway when he pulls up. He doesn’t mind. He knows Jeremy is perpetually late -- a point of fact that makes Mrs. Abaya call him an honorary Filipino in a fond tone of voice -- and it gives him time to sit on their front stoop and read through a few chapters of Moby Dick.

Even just as words on the page, she’s spelled out her compassion, her empathy, her reserve of steeliness. Even this far from him, even as just a haunting presence in the book, she pushes against him. Pushes him to think beyond himself, asks him questions that he desperately wants to try to answer, even if he doesn’t know how.

If you’re Ahab, does that make me Ishmael?

He pauses at those words, reads the question over and over again. Tries to imagine how she’d say them if they were two people sitting across from one another in a coffee shop -- if there’d be a teasing spark in her eyes or if she’d lean forward, a serious expression on her face, her blue eyes swallowing him up completely.

He’s shakes himself out of his daydream when he hears Jeremy pull up into the driveway.

“Tito Peter!” Emeline shouts, opening the door and leaping out of the minivan before Jeremy even has a chance to turn off the car. She launches herself into his arms and hugs him like it’s been weeks since she’s last seen him rather than just three days. She’s wearing a soccer uniform, the knees all stained with grass, her bangs stuck to her forehead with sweat.

“Hey honey,” he says, rubbing her on the back before leaning away so he can talk to her. “How’d you do? Did you guys win?”

A wide grin splits her face.

“Yea - yes, Tito! And I scored the winning goal!”

“Course you did, Emeline!” He wraps his fingers around her arms, raises them up above her head in a gesture of victory. “Nice job, sweetie. Wish I could’ve been there to see it.”

She sighs heavily.

“Maybe you can tell Paul to move your training sessions, Tito. Then you can come and watch me.”

He smiles.

“I’ll give it a shot, Emeline. Paul -- he’s pretty strict, but I think I’ll be able to convince him.”

Emeline lights up, bounces up on her toes.

“You can bring him along, Tito. He can cheer for us.”

“Alright, Emeline, you need to go take a shower while Tito Peter helps daddy with dryer,” Jeremy says, coming up behind her. “Hey Pete, good to see you,” he says, nodding to him and reaching out a hand. “Thanks for coming over, I appreciate it.”

“But daddy, how are you going to help Tito?” Emeline asks, a thoroughly confused look on her face. “You don’t know how fix a dryer -- that’s why lola asked Tito peter.”

Jeremy grins, glances over at Frank.

“Out of the mouth of babes, huh, Pete?” He turns to Emeline. “Well, I’m gonna hold his beer, for one. And then I’ll hand him a wrench when he asks for it. And then I’m gonna send him off with some of your lola’s lumpia that she told me to give him once he’s done.” He leans over and unlocks the door, gestures towards the inside of the house. “Now, off to the shower with you.”

She giggles, then rushes through the door.

“I can help better than you can, Daddy!” She shouts as she speeds down the hall. “Just wait for me, Tito Peter!”

Jeremy laughs, then gestures inside and follows Frank.

“So, hey, I really do appreciate this.” He’s glancing down at the stack of mail in his hands as he says it, a nervous of energy to him as he speaks. “It’s a new dryer -- well, new-ish -- so hopefully it’s nothing major and -- oh shit!” Jeremy’s face is a mixture of shock and excitement as he looks down at the opened letter in his hands, which then very quickly shifts into disappointment as he rifles through the packet of papers it’s attached to. “Oh shit. Oh. Shit.”

Frank shuffles from one foot to another, slaps his hands in front of him as he does.

“Everything ok, Jeremy?”

Jeremy looks up, blinks a few times and tries to smile.

“Yeah, God, sorry Pete.” He flips the paper around to show Frank the letter -- just long enough so that he can see the words “congratulations!” written in fancy lettering at the top before he turns it back around. “Emeline -- she got accepted into this really great private prep school. Great STEM program, you know? Our little engineer -- though God knows where she got that from.”  

“So, that’s, uh, good, right? I mean, that’s where Emeline belongs.” He squints at the crestfallen look on Jeremy’s face. “What’s the problem then?”

Jeremy sighs heavily.

“There’s just no way, Pete -- no way that we can afford the tuition. School will cover up to a half of it -- needs based, you know. But the rest -- I mean, even paying half is too much for us -- we’d have to get private or outside scholarships and I’m not sure...”

He shakes his head.

“Doesn’t hurt to try though, right?” Frank asks. “See what’s out there?”

“Yeah, yeah, you’re right. There’s a general scholarship application that the school sends out to donors, so there’s a chance, right? Just -- damn -- I was hoping they’d cover a little bit more.” He folds the letter back up and sticks it in his back pocket. He smiles at Frank, though it's strained at the edges. “Anyway, we’ll figure it out. Let’s tackle this dryer first.”

They spend the next hour or so fixing the dryer, Jeremy and Emeline taking turns helping him. Jeremy mostly hangs back and lets Emeline run around Frank, asking questions and taking turns with tools. He tries to cover it up, but Frank can tell how defeated the other man looks as he watches his daughter unscrew the various parts of the dryer and put it back together.

He thinks about that look as he drives home, can feel the outline of a plan form in his mind. Once he gets home and takes Gracie for a walk, he’s mostly managed to fit it all together. It mostly depends on David, which basically means it’s as good as done.

He spends the rest of the night laying in bed, Gracie at his feet, Moby Dick resting against his chest as he reads.

He likes that Karen’s notes become more intimate, more direct as the book goes on, her voice so loud and present he can almost hear it in the quiet of this apartment. She challenges him easily, like she has since they first met. She also disagrees with enough to make him nervous, wary that they’ll break on something fundamental. But it never even skirts close to a line of rejection, to a place on incompatibility. Instead, she pushes him to re-think passages, pushes him to want to ask her about a word or phrasing or observation in person.

The whale isn’t Evil incarnate, Frank -- it’s nature, or the universe, or God himself. They don’t care about any of us the way Ahab thinks they do. They don’t care about us at all, really. There’s something sad and comforting about that at the same time, don’t you think?

He closes the book as he thinks about those words, thinks about a life in which a negligent God might be a source of comfort, thinks about what kind of life Karen has led for her to think that and just how little he knows about it.

Promises himself that he’ll ask once he sees her again.

“So, any news on the Karen front?” David asks the next day.

They’re sitting the shade of his house, the half-finished patio deck behind them. It’s a slow going project, made slower by the fact that David tends to forget what exactly it is he’s supposed to be doing at any given time. He’s not incapable, Frank’s found, only unmotivated. And he basically has no motivation to finish up this patio deck project seeing as it’s mostly to give Frank an excuse to come over in the afternoons. He thinks that there must be some part of David that is afraid that he’ll just stop coming over if he has no obvious reason to do so.

He wouldn’t, of course, but he doesn’t mind having something to do with his hands when he wants to drown out David’s rambling.

He shrugs his shoulders. He doesn’t want to lie, but he also isn’t prepared to discuss the truth

“It’s a long book, David.”

David chuckles.

“Yeah, Frank.” He shakes his head, gives Frank a rueful look. “Yeah, it is.”

He looks like he’s about to say something else, so Frank clears his throat to head him off.

“So, uh, listen. Wondered if you could do a favor for me?”

He tries to keep his tone light, his expression easy. It’s been nearly seven months now since it was just the two of them living together in that basement, where favors and plans meant murder and mayhem, but he thinks that those memories must not easily fade. They haven’t for him at least.

David must notice, because he looks more curious than anxious.

“Yeah, sure, Frank. Whatever you need.” He tilts his head. “What’s up?”

“The lady that runs the shelter -- Mrs. Abaya. She’s got this granddaughter, right? Smart kid, name’s Emeline.” David nods. “So, she got into this prep school but the tuition -- her parents are gonna have trouble paying it. I figure since I got all this money and no real reason to spend it, might as well do something good with it.”

David blinks rapidly and the edges of his mouth turn up in a smile, though there’s a twinge of confusion in his gaze.

“Ok, that’s, I mean, that’s great Frank. But I’m not sure where I come in.”

He stuffs his hands into his pockets, licks his lips.

“Well her parents -- they’re not just gonna let me hand over thousands of dollars. So, I’m wondering if you, you know, set up something that makes it look like she got a scholarship, right? You make it look good, make it look legit, so they don’t know it’s me.” He takes out a folded piece of paper from his back pocket. “So, that’s the school and the amount over the next four years and, uh, as much as I know about the process and Emeline’s application. Figure you can find out the rest -- whatever else you need.”

David reads it over quickly then smiles broadly at him and nods.

“Yeah. I can do that.” He pushes off from the side of the house, reaches over and pats Frank on the shoulder. “It’s a good thing you’re doing, Frank. You’re a good man.”

He looks away and shrugs, holds his hands out in front of him in a dismissive gesture.

“I’m not -- it’s just the thing to do. Emeline deserves it, so do her parents.” He’s almost embarrassed by how David’s looking at him, so he ducks down and picks up his toolbox. “Gonna get going but you’ll, uh, let me know when it’s done?”

David nods, gives Frank a distracted wave and a faraway smile that makes him grin. He wouldn't be surprised if everything was set up by the time he goes to bed tonight.  

He stops off at a coffee shop that he likes on the way home. Or rather, a coffee shop that Gracie likes since the coffee’s subpar but the baristas all love her enough to keep the specific brand of treats that she likes for when he stops in.

He settles in the corner of the patio, hat pulled low against the midday sun, and opens up Moby Dick. He loses himself in the story, in the push and pull of Karen’s words, in how desperately he wants to believe in them.

Yes, Ahab wants revenge too, but he’s dragged this whole mess of people along with him and doesn’t care about how it affects them. He’s selfish and egomaniacal. You aren’t. You’re a good man, Frank, in a way that Ahab never could be.

He has to resist the urge to trace his finger over those words, has to stop himself from pressing them into the broken cracks of his psyche. He closes the book like it’ll provide some sort of barrier between him and those words -- a good man -- which he doesn’t know can ever really apply to him, doesn’t know if they ever really could.

His phone buzzes in his pocket.

He clicks open the text message from David and purses his lips, impressed.

Everything’s all set up. Jeremy Morgan should get an official letter in his e-mail detailing Emeline’s scholarship award in the next day or so.

His next text is a link, which Frank clicks on and then snorts when he sees the website it pulls up.

The Castle Foundation the header reads, bold white text on a black background. Underneath it, in smaller letters -- 

Proudly serving the needs of military families from underrepresented and minority communities

He spends the next fifteen minutes scrolling the site, clicking on all the different links, reading the about and history and FAQ. The entire thing is so polished and so thorough that even he almost has trouble believing it isn’t actually a real foundation.

He x’es out of the website and taps into his messages.

Thanks. A little excessive though, don’t you think?

Can never be too careful. Hope it goes well!

Goes well turns out to be a bit of an understatement.

On Wednesday, he shows back up at Jeremy and Marisol’s house, ostensibly to fix a broken dishwasher and is ushered into the kitchen by Jeremy, who cannot stop beaming at him. He walks in the room to find a cake, Emeline in a party hat, about a dozen different Abaya family members that he only vaguely recognizes and both Marisol and Mrs. Abaya crying.

He shoots a questioning look over to Jeremy, who manages to beam even more brightly at him, a feat which had previously seemed impossible.

“Sorry, Peter, I announced it a little early because I was so excited but -- we are celebrating our one and only darling Emeline going to the Horace Mann School starting next fall...on a fully paid scholarship until she graduates!”

He’s never been an exceptionally good liar, so he’s glad when everyone in the room turns towards Emeline and cheers out loud despite apparently already hearing this news. He wades through the crowd and gives Emeline a hug, is enveloped by one from both a teary Marisol and Mrs. Abaya.

He’s standing back from the crowd as half a dozen aunts start setting up catering trays and plates when he feels a tap on his shoulder, looks over to see Jeremy gesturing for him to follow him out into the hallway.

“Hey, I just wanna say, man,” Jeremy claps his on the shoulder. “Thank you so much for what you did.”

“What I -- what exactly did I do?”

Jeremy smiles.

“Hey, no worries, Pete, I didn’t tell anyone since I know you want it kept a secret. So, I get this email yesterday, right? This foundation I never heard of and it just sounded almost too good to be true, plus their name wasn’t listed on the official foundation list that I got in the mail from the school. So I call the number on the website just to verify -- talk to the public relations guy there. Michael...something…” He snaps his fingers a few times. “Michael...Mike Roe!”

Frank barks out a laugh that he very hastily covers up with a cough and hopes that Jeremy doesn’t notice.

“So, uh, what’d Mike say?”

Jeremy grins widely at him.

“Says they’re a new foundation, just starting out -- which is why they hadn’t been on the mailer -- but a lot of money behind them. Anyway, we get to talking and -- well -- he finally says that you’d been the one to put in a nomination for Emeline.”

This time, he doesn’t have to pretend to be surprised.

“And hey, I get it -- why you didn’t tell me. In case it didn’t work out, right?”

Frank purses his lips and nods.  

“But, damn man, did it work out. That must’ve been some nomination you submitted because Mike said they don’t normally hand out awards this big.” He shakes his head, breathes out sharply. “And I just -- I really appreciate it, Pete. It was gonna break my heart to tell Emeline we couldn’t afford it.”

He nods, looks away from Jeremy and shrugs.

“No big deal, Jeremy. Didn’t really do much, you know -- just told the truth, clicked a few buttons.”

Jeremy laughs and shakes his head.

“Well, either way, I appreciate it.” He reaches over and gives Frank a quick hug. “Now c’mon, let’s go in there and eat before we get in trouble by one of the aunties.”

Forty-five minutes later, Jeremy is walking him to the door, a plastic bag holding various tupperware filled with leftover food in his hands.

“So, the dishwasher is actually broken,” Jeremy says sheepishly. “That wasn’t, like, a ruse or anything to get you to come over here. I just figured you wouldn’t wanna sit and fix it while everyone was having fun around you.”

Frank shrugs.

“Wouldn’t’ve minded.”

Jeremy laughs.

“I believe it.” He gestures towards the living room. “Sure you don’t wanna stay a little longer? Pretty sure someone’s gonna break out the karaoke machine soon, so that’s always a good time.”

Frank smiles and shakes his head.

“Maybe next time. I -- uh -- have a book I’ve been trying to finish, so --.” He shrugs. “You know.”

Jeremy nods, waves him out the door with an enthusiastic smile.

He sits in his car for a moment and scrolls through the pictures on his phone until he finds the one he wants to send.

It’s Emeline, standing in the kitchen, a crooked party hat on her head, flanked by her parents and Mrs. Abaya, with Frank crouched down next to her. He hadn’t wanted to be included, had only agreed when Mrs. Abaya had shot him a stern look and given a pointed gesture to the space next to Emeline -- which makes him almost 100% certain that the secret of his ‘nomination’ is no longer actually a secret.

Emeline is holding up her acceptance letter to Horace Mann, her parents and Mrs. Abaya beaming. His smile in the picture, too, is wide and genuine -- Emeline’s excitement rubbing off on him, maybe. Or perhaps from the warmth of Mrs. Abaya’s hand resting on his shoulder, Emeline’s arm threaded through his -- that feeling of belonging, of family.

He looks at the photo for a long moment and finds that his throat feels tight as he does. He takes a deep breath in and clears his throat before sending the picture to David.

Went well. Guess you’ve gotten pretty bad at keeping secrets though, Mike Roe.

David sends back a thumbs up emoji, followed by a text a moment later --

Thought you could use a few more people out there knowing that you’re a good man. 

[tenscupcake]

tenth doctor adventures: vol. 2... my thoughts!!!!

basically, i think this is going to be a live-blog of sorts... i’ve got notepad open and i’m going to write stuff down as i listen and probably go back and add in some more in-depth commentary where i feel it’s warranted... here we go!

infamy of the zaross.

okay, right off the bat the theme song made me very emotional and long intensely for the days when i loved this show and got super stoked about watching. i mean the thrill running through my veins at this song man… god i miss it.

totally loved the beginning... it was a much-welcome interaction with jackie. and i loved her sticking up for rose from marge... god what an unpleasant woman

“flash mob?” lolol the doctor still proficient in pop culture slang i see

“well, i am that good” yes you are 😄

the taRDIS sounds ❤️❤️❤️

jackie doesn’t back down from these brutes at all it’s very IC

“stitch this” C L A S S I C 👍🏻

i love when the doctor is so angry he /almost/ appears calm it’s frightening as ever and i can picture it so well. i think they really did justice to how his rage tends to manifest

“we save planets, the three of us” w2g jackie

“the tall skinny thing” (in reference to the doctor) lmao

i like how rose played a huge part in saving the day in this story, and that they didn’t relegate her to a supporting role, or worse - a helpless one. that was one of my major concerns about these audios if i’m honest. it was a relief!

“oh you’ve got guns do you? i’ve got a screwdriver” - frankly amazing

i love rose’s speech to jess. just goes to show how far she’s come bc i think she used to feel similarly when we met her back in s1, you know?

“who just saved the world - karen or jess?” rose slayin’ it again! i also like how they didn’t put arbitrary family relationships on a pedestal in this story. that was one thing that annoyed me about the end of the idiot’s lantern, and i think a common thread that seems to run throughout dw.

“i’ve got the tardis. i’ve got you! (THERE WAS EMPHASIS HERE NO ONE CAN CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE) what else does a wandering time lord need?” YES THIS IS THE CONTENT I AM HERE FOR

“who wants to watch a tv series about me?” HAH!!! cheesy but i DO NOT CARE I LOVE IT

overall, i enjoyed this story a lot! i feel they kept everyone in character and i can’t recall anything cringe-worthy or that i wish they’d done differently. what a pleasant surprise! 😍

the sword of the chevalier.

rose still wandering off after all this time lol

“we were having a lovely day out, i was hoping for ice cream” how utterly domestic i love it

has the doctor been listening to too much sia btw??? he won’t shut up about that chandelier lol

“you little devil” admittedly at first i didn’t know WHAT she had possibly put on to make him say this, but in retrospect knowing it was ACTUALLY a devil costume i still feel like this was 100% meant as a double entendre the way it was delivered (thank you david)... they’re def gonna be roleplaying later

his name is LUIGI in this little scenario WHY omg

honestly i’m sorta bummed we didn’t get to hear ten attempt to sing

the doctor munching on sandwiches at such an inopportune time lol so typical

protective!ten is back with his angry growling voice and i am here for it

“you try and put a price on life you only expose how worthless you are” good line doc damn

“i’m not one for killing blows” no you aren’t bb and it’s why i adore you

when they addressed him as their ‘master’ and he was like ‘that’s more like it’ all seductive like ngl i sort of got off on that whole interaction 😂 i love it when the doctor gets to acknowledge and capitalize on his power for a second 🔥

“tell rose how good i am with a sword” ok at first i was like man he’s still constantly and desperately seeking rose’s approval i see and that was thrilling enough in itself BUT THEN IT GOT EVEN MORE RIDICULOUS

“about 30 seconds of good” - ROSE TLYER

THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE A KID’S PROGRAM GOD DAMN!!!! 😂

this is what they acted like isn’t it???

(also ten you gotta step up your endurance game bro 😂😂😂)

LITERALLY DIED OVER THIS A LONG TIME. STILL DYING ACTUALLY.

ANYWAY.

my only true issue with this story was i felt like they didn’t handle the ambiguously transgender character with as much sensitivity as i might like? but i also don’t feel qualified to offer an opinion here, i’d be interested to hear what any trans listeners out there thought.

aside from this, overall i still thought it a solid episode that felt pretty authentically rtd who. and it was just as vivid and easy to picture as the first story. made me feel like i was watching a bonus episode of season 2, which is quite a feat i think. i am getting sooooo nostalgic the longer i sit here listening. i miss these two so much.

cold vengeance.

they were going to go skiing and i am so disappointed they didn’t get to their intended destination bc if that ain’t the start to a glorious christmas fanfic idk what is

“me? guess? never. it’s always informed deduction.” too true 😂

losing the tardis... ah, classic ten/rose

i don’t think i’ll ever get tired of hearing david say ‘i’m the doctor’ (and lbr i don’t think he will either)

i love that there are scottish characters in this ❤️

“you believe you can give me (long pompous title here) an ultimatum?” “yes, i do” slay ‘em, babe

“i’m a time lord, and you do not want to get on the wrong side of me!” there it is again 🔥

“one chance, that’s all rose tyler ever needs.”

i do love that rose once again saved herself (with help) they really didn’t fall back on the ‘doctor has to save the helpless human companion’ trope in these stories and i am grateful for that, it was another one of my fears going in

“i was planning to come back” “yeah right, that’s what you always say” well, that stung 😟

“i’m not going anywhere without rose” that’s my boy 👌🏻

“nobody is expendable!” 🙌🏻

callum’s (sp?) mom seems strangely un-bothered by her son dying? or is that just me

“you don’t know what real honor and sacrifice mean. take it from someone who does” CHILLS

“after this, can we go somewhere warm?” did anyone else hear this with a 😏 ? or am i just still flying on the high of the last super-suggestive conversation?

another great story!

this whole experience was so much better than i anticipated. i had some characterization issues with volume one. the experience wasn’t quite as immersive as i was expecting; it did feel disconnected from ten’s original run in a way that’s hard to pin down. so i came into volume two quite worried the same would apply here, and it’d only be worse since this is OUR SHIP, the couple that means more than literally any other couple in all of fiction to our little fandom sect. any damage done to them was bound to leave scars, since all the lines were being read in their proper voices. i was so worried that they would mess up one or both of their characterization, or throw in something gross like a moffat casanova trope.

and i am SO GLAD THEY DIDN’T. i feel like they did my fave characters justice this round and david and billie simply NAILED their performances despite it being like ten years since they last played these characters opposite one another... i am simply floating on happiness right now.

i won’t lie and say i wasn’t wishing for more shippy tsr style dialogue b/w them, but we did get a few, and i think nothing but fanfic could ever satisfy me in that respect, probably ;) so i let them off the hook for that.

as long as they continue in this vein...

GIVE ME VOLUME THREE!!!

[reactingtosomething]

Reacting to Guardians of the Galaxy Vol.2

Part I: Can an Asshole Just Be an Asshole?

The Setup: We’re four writer friends living in two time zones, who text each other a lot about All of the Things. We decided we wanted to work on something together, so this is happening. First up, two of us watched Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2. We had a lot to say, so we’re splitting our Reaction into two installments. Comments after the fact are in italics.

SPOILERS BELOW.

KRIS: Wow that is just wild. I didn’t realize iMessage would export it so neatly.

MIRI: I know!

It’s SUPER convenient

Ok, ready to start?

KRIS: Yep

I feel pressure from myself to have a mission statement

Or a critical philosophy

MIRI: Well that’s your general state, so I’m not surprised

KRIS: Fair

MIRI: You’ve now seen Guardians Vol. 2 twice

Within how much time?

KRIS: Definitely under 48 hours?

MIRI: I loved it 

I just really loved it

KRIS: See I wonder if being with people who so clearly enjoyed it helped me revise my opinion upward

I liked but was also disappointed with it on my first viewing

MIRI: Interesting! It may have

And isn’t that somewhat the point of the communal viewing experience?

What disappointed you?

KRIS: I guess so

The BEST answer I have, from a kind of writerly-nerdy angle, is that the Guardians are a lot more reactive than just active-active this time around

A more Kris-specific gut feeling answer is that I often felt the shallowness of the writing overshadowed the sincerity of the emotions

MIRI: Aaah. I wonder if a certain amount of that was inevitable, because as there is more canon/past to react to there will always be more reactivity?

On the emotions front, I see what you’re saying.

But also I am a sucker and it got me right in the gut

Or wherever my feelings live

KRIS: I guess, but I wonder if it will be helpful here to compare and contrast throughout this chat with Age of Ultron

Since they’re both team sequels

MIRI: It will not be helpful, because I will just yell

KRIS: From auteur-y dudes who have some superficial similarities

Okay I’ll try to minimize comparisons then, but a key difference is that the main conflict of Ultron comes from a decision Tony makes

And this sets all the personality conflicts into motion

MIRI: Whereas in Guardians 2 it came from Papa Planet?

That’s fair

KRIS: Right, or at least I think you can say that’s the A-conflict

MIRI: btw I’m calling him that from now on

KRIS: If the B-conflict is set off by Rocket stealing batteries

I’m onboard with Papa Planet

MIRI: Excellent

KRIS: Because it’s not a worse name than Ego

Although Ego is on-the-nose in a good way

MIRI: Um it’s dramatically better

thank you very much

I actually didn’t hate Ego (as a name), but I quite like Papa Planet

(again, as a name)

((he can suck an egg as a being/father))

KRIS: But anyway yeah, if the A-story is Quill’s Father-Son Drama, it’s a thing that happens to the Guardians, not a thing that comes from their pre-existing desires (in Vol 1: Quill wants to get rich/Gamora wants to escape Thanos/Drax wants to kill the shit out of Ronan)

MIRI: You’re definitely right that there was a lot more reaction than pure action, but I think it worked for me better than it may have because I liked the reactions for the most part.

Also, I haven’t rewatched the first one in about a year

so no unfavorable comparisons

KRIS: Sure, it definitely felt like the characters reacted “authentically”

MIRI: I’ve seen Ultron more recently

KRIS: Those quote marks feel more aggressively scare quotey than I intended

MIRI: I will always be gotten by team-as-family dynamics. I’m an easy mark

hahahaha

I will not judge you for your quotation marks

KRIS: We’re definitely going to have to come back to the Fast and Furious parallels

MIRI: I have seen approximately 2 and 4 halves of those movies

So I won’t be able to speak intelligently about them, but I will speak passionately regardless

KRIS: Did Quill’s (I don’t know why I’ve landed on Quill as opposed to Star-Lord or Peter but am open to changing) story end up being for you as strong as the movie wants/needs it to be, or did you find one of the subplots more compelling?

MIRI: a) Quill is cooler and more distinctive than Peter, and Star-Lord is not a name to take seriously

2) Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm yes and no

The Yondu element of Quill’s Daddy Issues was effective to me

I enjoyed Quill triumphing over the evil stars in his eyes murder tool state

And the whole picture of David Hasselhoff thing worked pretty well to me

KRIS: Okay yeah, I’d agree with all of this

MIRI: The actual lived relationship with Yondu (unhealthy as it clearly must be CONSIDERING PETER GENUINELY THOUGHT YONDU WAS IN DANGER OF EATING HIM THE WHOLE DAMN TIME) was waaaaay more effective for me than the general concept of Daddy issues or anything Papa Planet put out there.

KRIS: I should say here that I rewatched Guardians 1 last night to see if that would help, and I’m pretty sure it did

MIRI: how so?

KRIS: I was not especially a fan of Yondu in Vol 1, and found him hard to invest in on my first viewing of Vol 2

And when he had a Sad Backstory (in 2) in the cell with Rocket, I was kind of like, did we need that?

Like they ALL have sad backstories, does Yondu need one too? Can an asshole just be an asshole?

MIRI: Well, he can when he’s a murdery planet

I did really like the detail of Papa Planet putting the tumor in Mama Quill’s head--it seemed incredibly in character to me. Loving her and wanting to spend time with her didn’t make him reconsider universe-wide genocide, it made him see her as a problem to be solved.

KRIS: Yeah that was a pretty effective reveal

MIRI: Re: Yondu’s backstory, I do recognize that they’re playing on the heartstrings pretty deliberately

KRIS: Right

MIRI: But I kind of feel like doing that successfully is its own form of quality?

KRIS: Like I probably would’ve been fine with the jail cell story if Yondu hadn’t also had a big I KNOW YOU BOY BECAUSE YOU’RE ME speech to Rocket later

MIRI: It might not be the best writing ever, but it’s doing what it sets out to do quite well

Yeah, that’s true

I didn’t super love Rocket’s whole arc

KRIS: That was also an issue for me the first time I saw it, but weirdly less so the second

MIRI: Since this one was very much about Quill’s Emotions with Gamora/KarenGillan* as the emotional b/c story, I think maybe saving Rocket’s Partial Redemption for Volume 3 might have been better

*Nebula

KRIS: To try to tie off some of the Yondu thread here, a reason it ended up working for me on a second viewing is that most of it does seem to be consciously set up in Vol 1

MIRI: Oh, that’s good

I did really really love the whole Ravagers code payoff and the funeral

KRIS: Another great payoff in the funeral scene: the little “dashboard” dolls he collects -- the gemstone one is from the broker on Xandar, and the Troll is what Quill gave him when he swapped out the Orb at the end

MIRI: OMG really???

I love that!!!!

Awwwwww

Miri is still Emotional about this 3 days later

Plus it’s nice that they managed to twist the whole android brothel walkout thing--I definitely thought the other Ravagers were the “badder guys” in that scenario

KRIS: Yeah, and Yondu’s reaction when he sees the Troll, instead of being pissed that the Guardians “stole” the orb back, is this genuine laugh

So I could buy a real affection for Quill

MIRI: When really they were the ones who don’t deal in children and Yondu was in the wrong, but once he realized how wrong he stopped

and they eventually forgive him 😢

Ohhh, I remember that laugh

KRIS: So for sure Yondu’s arc is probably objectively the most effective thing happening here

MIRI: He genuinely is proud that Quill has grown up so well, both as a thief and a man

KRIS: I guess I was annoyed that he’d suddenly become a major character

Because Gamora and Drax felt sidelined

MIRI: YES

I was ok with Drax, because while I love him, I fear his whole schtick will get very old if they try to center him too much

KRIS: I did appreciate Gamora being the pragmatic one, and being right pretty much every time

MIRI: But Gamora has a ton of range and even more parental drama

KRIS: Like she was right when she suggested Quill should take a chance with Papa Planet, and then she was also right when she realized something was off

MIRI: And right that they killed him

KRIS: And she had her own blindspot where Nebula was concerned

Which I think is an arc that works at least 80 percent because of Karen Gillan

As opposed to the writing

MIRI: I wish that we had gotten a bit more Nebula, as well

totally agree

She does so much with so little

KRIS: I mean the backstory element of it is there in Vol 1, that Thanos is The Worst Father Ever

MIRI: Right, but the emotions aren’t super well explored

KRIS: But that big emotional scene after Gamora drags her out of the wreck -- “All I wanted was a sister” -- needed another few beats, I thought

MIRI: Because Gamora is a Tough Chick

Yes! The writing definitely felt the most clunky in those sister moments

Which is in part because the relationship is always going to be fractious, but also is just a bit of a weakness

KRIS: Yeah Gamora is kind of a conundrum for me. Sometimes I really love her, and other times I just don’t quite buy what the story wants her to do/be, and I’m genuinely not sure if it’s more a writing issue or a performance issue

Most superficially (and definitely a writing issue): Is she strong enough to walk around with a giant starship cannon, or is she not strong enough to easily carry one human sized person around?

MIRI: Having seen Zoe Saldana in other things where she played a tough woman with limited emotions, I’m inclined to think writing

Maybe we need to React to Colombiana at some point; Kris hasn’t seen that. We may also need to bring in a Guest Reactor for a rewatch of The Losers...

Hahahahahhahaha such a good question

I think there’s the obvious desire for her to be the sexy hot chick, and then a partial desire for her to not just be that

So they’ve made her kind of flat so that she’s not the emotional lady character

KRIS: I feel like the story isn’t sure whether it wants Gamora to have this sort of formal edge to her where she uses words like “shall” instead of “will”, or whether it wants her to be a more “traditional” Bad Girl

MIRI: True. I would say that Rocket, Quill, and Drax all have more clearly defined voices and speech patterns.

And Groot, obvi

KRIS: And even Nebula, who has this Sullen Teenager vibe

MIRI: I just really love Nebula

I know I always love the angry girl who can kill people (which should probably concern me)

KRIS: Where I really missed Gamora and Drax having agency was honestly just the action element of the climax

MIRI: But I really love her.

KRIS: They spend the whole first half of the final battle standing and watching

And most of the second half being almost engulfed by Papa Planet’s Blue Tendrils of Doom

Although at least there was that great Nebula rescue beat (“get over it”)

And Drax having a moment where he chose self-sacrifice

MIRI: Both of those worked nicely for me

One last thing on Nebula: I think part of my interest is the fact that she’s allowed to have her own drive, rather than being tied to Quill’s emotional needs

She wants to kill Thanos, and she’s damn well going to

KRIS: Yeah, for sure

MIRI: And her tie to her sister will be a factor, but killing Thanos is always there

KRIS: I really hope they do right by her in Infinity War

MIRI: I don’t really trust that they will

KRIS: Me either

MIRI: But they have set her up as being a factor, so there’s hope

KRIS: I mean in general I trust Marcus/McFeely and the Russos, but just sooo many characters and I can’t see them not defaulting to giving Steve and/or Tony the ultimate victory

MIRI: Oh, yeah. I think the Guardians folks are going to be mostly comic relief and deus ex machina

KRIS: But yeah. That third act. Welcome to the Quill and Yondu show, mostly for better, but for Gamora and Drax superfans partly for worse

MIRI: Especially if it’s the end of anyone from the first stage’s tenure

Yeah, that’s very true. I guess I’m just kind of too jaded to expect the women to be centered in MCU action

KRIS: Did love the whole asking for tape gag, though

MIRI: and as stated I like Drax as secondary

The tape gag was fun!

They did a nice job of including funny moments in the trailers without giving away the best part of said moments

which is rare

So props to whoever edited the trailers!!!

KRIS: Drax is probably my favorite (part of this is shamelessly because Dave Bautista is a bald Filipino man) but on my first viewing I actually did feel like his shtick got old fast

MIRI: It’s important to be able to see yourself in media!

Find Part II of our Guardians Reaction here.

[bigbodu-blog]

Day

Dear Diary, here’s what I did today:

Midnight to 1:00 AM: Burgers in my skibbies. Air freshener so Melania won’t smell the grease.

1:00 to 1:30: Pillow talk with Sean.

1:30 to 2:30: Ranting on Twitter from the throne. Feeling isolated.

2:30 to 6:30: Restless sleep dreaming about burgers, golf, groping, collusion, impeachment.

6:30 to 7:00: Combed my hairs. Put on my oversized gloves. Remember to ask David Byrne about his tailor.

7:00 to 8:00: Fox and Friends, Alex Jones, Duke; they understand me!

9:00 to 9:30: instructions from Q

9:30 to 10:00: Texting with Vlad and Kim; they understand me! Send Vlad some flowers for our “anniversary”. He calls me his “little Suka”. Gotta look that one up.

10:00 to 11:00: Reading the Twitter chatter on my latest shit storm, crooked Hillary bashing, calling Mitch and Paul, my bitches!

10:00 to 10:01: Listening to Ivanka

10:01 to 10:02: National security briefing, make SURE to remember their names next time. They scare me.

10:02 to 10:03: Waved to Melania

10:03 to 10:30: Staff time for groveling, loyalty oaths, ring kissing, etc. Mitch gives wet kisses!

10:30 to 10:45: Stalked the hot chicks in the West (east?) wing. Where’s Hope?

10:30 to 11:00: Thought about golf, how hot Ivanka is, private time in bathroom.

11:00 to 11:30: Big decisions; Bedminster or Mar a Lago, Mad or the Enquirer, Micky D or Taco Bell for lunch.

11:30 to 12:00: Mooning the secret service; really find Waldo this time!

12:00 to 1:30: Lunch!

1:30 to 1:45: Check in with Sean again

1:45 to 2:30: Meet a bunch of guys in the oval. Where’s the oval again? All those damn doors!

2:30 to 3:00: Texting the president of SA about good people on both sides, both sides. Where’s Rex?

3:00 to 3:15: NO COLLUSION!

3:15 to 3:16: Do I have a second daughter? Is she hot?

3:16 to 3:17: What would John Gotti do? Put out a contract on Muller. Call Michael... shit, who do I call now?

3:17 to 3:18: Find Jeff, the House elf.

3:18 to 3:19: Is impeachment spelled with one or two “T’s”

2:30 to 3:00: Call... Reince?Paul? Cohen? Who’s left? Ah, Rudi. No, He scares me too. I know, the Mooch!

3:00 to 3:15: Military parade or rally where the stupid people live? Make sure to print more Q tea shirts (sp?).

3:15 to 3:16: Can I bomb crooked Hillary? Ask Jimbo.

3:16 to 3:17: Jimbo says ixnay on the bombsay.

3:18 to 3:30: Sign today’s farewell letters. Is there cake? No one but me gets two scoops of ice cream! Do they make a bigger Sharpie? Ask Pentagon for the secret Sharpies.

3:30 to 3:45: So what’s Franklin up to today? That rascally Turtle!

3:45 to 4:00: What’s for dinner? Ask that colored boy in the kitchen. Oh, and ask him if Fred Douglas is around.

4:00 to 4:01: NO COLLUSION!

4:01 to 4:02: Remembered to tell Melania that she doesn’t look fat in that outfit. Ask her if these gloves make my hands look bigger?

4:02 to 4:03: Who was that little boy running around the halls? Asked secret service. Turns out I have three sons!

4:03 to 4:15: Ask Kelly Ann for the latest alternative facts.

4:15 to 4:30: Is it Huckabee-Sanders or just Sanders, Sara or Sarah. I like the pearls. I hear your can tell if their real by running them across my teeth. But didn’t ask because she scares me. I wish she would stop telling me what to say. Where’s Spicy?

4:30 to 4:31: Remember that really cool glowing orb the prince had. Gotta call the pentagon about getting a secret one of those so I can get instructions from the big eye.

4:31 to 4:32: I hope daddy’s finally proud of me!

4:32 to 5:00: Meet more guys in the oval. So many questions. My head hurts. Is it time to go home? This isn’t fun anymore. Remember to ask Ronnie for more “vitamins”.

5:00 to 5:01: Is it dinner time yet?

5:02 to 5:30: Ah, Stormy! Karen! Where did I leave my “private” laptop?

5:30 to 5:31: Its hurricane season! Remember that Puerto Rico is an island of colored people, but it’s still part of the US. My head hurts. Do we need another wall or would that be a blockade?

5:32 to 5:33: Ask the secret service if I can get one of those old statues for the front lawn?

5:33 to 5:34: CROOKED HILLARY!

5:35 to 6:00: