#daniel 7:2

[scripture-pictures]

[reunitedinterlude]

cheeky horrible banter

[goldenpinof]

we been knew for @natigail​

[notaplaceofhonour]

I was raised in the People of Destiny cult (later renamed, and more well-known as, Sovereign Grace Ministries, now Sovereign Grace Churches).

The valorization of martyrdom and The End Times was so ubiquitous it was ambient noise. We stood in the church lobby theorizing about who the antichrist would be, we argued about whether Jesus would rapture us all before, after, or during the Tribulation Period where Satan would be given free reign over the earth. There was a strong Christian Zionist fixation on Israel as the final battleground and capital of the coming Messianic Age. But the one thing we were all certain of was is that we were in the End Times, that we were not of this world and couldn’t get too attached to our lives here.

We were raised to believe our sin nature made us undeserving of life, that we deserved death and eternal conscious torture.

My parents read us the Jesus Freaks books (a series by Christian Rap group DC Talk about martyrs). I spent “devotional time” reading Fox’s Book of Martyrs. We had guest speakers from Voice of the Martyrs, their pamphlets were often stocked in our church’s information center. We grew up with our dad listening to right wing talk radio and making us listen to songs about how the Godless atheists were outlawing Christianity in America, that we could all become martyrs soon.

The group’s theology was damaging & traumatic in a lot of other ways that contributed to the suicidality I have continued to struggle with for the rest of my life. For a long time I did not believe I would live past 20. There are times when the idea of giving my death meaning by using public suicide to make a political statement has appealed to me.

So now, seeing so many social media posts glorifying the suicide of a US Airman this week, I have been furious. Reading his social media posts, I recognize so much about the way I was raised in his all-or-nothing, black-or-white mindset, the valorization of death-seeking & martyrdom, and the apocalyptic fire-and-brimstone imagery of self-immolation. The moment I saw people I followed celebrating his self-immolation, I said to myself “this feels like a cult”

So when I learned he was raised in a cult too, nothing could have made more sense to me. His political orientation may have changed, but his mindset did not—it was no less extreme or cult-like.

I’ve talked about so many of the reasons this response from the broader left scares me, including how it’s laundering that airman’s antisemitic beliefs, but I cannot think of anything that would hit me in a more personal place than this specific response to this specific situation has.

When I see the images, I think: that could have been me. That scares me, and what scares me more is that so many prominent people are overwhelmingly sending the message to people like me that there is nothing else we can do that would have a more meaningful impact than killing ourselves for the cause.

I do not believe that. I will not even entertain it. And having to see his death over and over and over again, to argue against people who are treating this like an intellectual/moral exercise or a valid debate we all have to consider has been immensely triggering and fills me with a rage I rarely feel. It’s unconscionable that we are even putting self-harm on the table, and that pushing back against that is somehow controversial.

There is hope. Our lives do have meaning. There are far more effective means of fighting injustice. And the world is a better place for having you in it. Don’t fall into believing this is a way to give life purpose.

[hyusolk]

gay ass

[ahappyphjl]

favorite pinof pt.1: pinof 7 // dpgdaily's dnpaw - day 5/7

[catboylesterr]

so I've been listening to spooky week (the song) alot,,,

[iwtv-az-hours]

There was a mental conversation along the lines of 'You can f--- them and I can eat them', but you don't know that.

You just see them approach you like this...

[stuckinthedeadlights]

Sawtober Day 19: Trap

if you have a request or want to be tagged for any of my edits send me an ask. don’t repost, reblogs appreciated. all of my edits can be found here

[danielslaw]

RALPH MACCHIO AS DANIEL LARUSSO daniel tossing people around.

[reunitedinterlude]

lofi phantasy: the album

tracks 17-20 (x)

[goldenpinof]

he cute

[dollries]

(❀ ᴗ ᴗ) 🍯　　Am　　I　　The　　Girl　　That　　You　　Dream　　Of ?

[endlessfuckup]

my only qualm with the jacket is that the buttons are for show and not functional

[mykelneedssleep]

I can tell I’m mentally ill because I just had to title a document “another Jacobi drabble pt 4”

[danielslaw]

CHOZEN TOGUCHI AND DANIEL LARUSSO IN COBRA KAI  for @youandthemountains​