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marvelettesassemblenow · 3 years

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Tati’s Fic Recs 2

It seems like my first rec list is full, so here's part 2 - again no special order and I'll continue filling this list :)

Thanks to all fellow writers for sharing your stories with us!

Bucky Barnes

Nothing but Trouble by @ocean-bucky | series completed | The Avengers are forced to work together with a rookie from Europe for their next assignment, but she seems to be more trouble than she’s worth. Will they let prejudice and misconceptions dissuade them, or give her a chance to prove herself?

operation mistletoe by @wkemeup | OS | With dozens of mistletoe appearing in archways across the compound, you start to notice a pattern when you begin to encounter Bucky Barnes beneath each one

little lion man by @wkemeup | OS | Sent on an assignment back to 1943, you encounter a drastically different version of the man you know

i’m with you by @wkemeup | series completed - modern au | When two strangers meet on a layover in the Charlotte Airport, they are sent on a whirlwind weekend filled with cancelled flights, painful questions over giant checkers, an ex-boyfriend’s wedding, and a confrontational graduation. They find that a lifetime can sit in the span of three days and it doesn’t take very long at all to fall in love.

Wild Horses by @whitewolfbumble | series completed - Biker AU | Kicked out of school and exiling yourself in a town time forgot, one little incident lands the sights of the locally infamous Avengers biker gang square on you. Wild horses run faster and there was no chance to turn back now.

All That’s Best of Dark and Bright by @ursulaismymiddlename | series completed | Sam thinks its best to bring Bucky to a friend to let him heal. Bucky needs some time to let Steve back into his lie, but this stranger seems to help

adore you by @cupidsbarnes | OS | bucky and alpine enjoy their solitude, but the girl across the hall is slowly creeping into their hearts.

Black holes by @buckysbiota | OS | you've both got a dark history, no way something could ever happen, right?

Sandwiches and Ice Cream by @buckysbiota | OS | Bucky meets a friend of Sam and he isn't only impressed with the sandwiches she makes

Safe Place To Land by @sunlightdances | OS - modern AU | Modern!AU. You and Bucky are both standing up for Steve and Peggy’s wedding. Checking in at the hotel for the weekend, you’re horrified to realize there’s been a problem. A big problem.

On, off and repeat by @/avasparks | OS | It’s been 247 days since Bucky came back home. It’s been a good 300 days since he last felt remotely human.

Astrophile by @all1e23 | series completed - modern single!dad au | Orion Rebecca Barnes’s favorite thing in the whole world (besides her daddy of course) is spending hours after school in the bookstore by her house and the owner GIVES her any book she wants; she’s the coolest girl Orion has ever met.

It doesn’t take long for Bucky to notice his daughter’s sudden interest in constellations and the large stack of astrology related books piling up in her room. He’s spent her entire life trying to teach her about the stars and where her name came from with little interest from his little comet and all of sudden she’s in love.

All thanks to the girl who owns the bookstore?

Ink on his heart by @bitsandbobsandstuff | OS - that is a must read | Here’s how Bucky Barnes got a haircut and then decided it was about damn time he controlled his own destiny - starting with a bit of ink.

Honey and the Bee by @chrevastan | series completed | One sleepless night brings you to the large communal kitchen at the Avengers Compound. Fully furnished and equipped but barely used, you decide to give the room a little culinary love. Little did you know, your new hobby would bring you some special moments with your friends and opportunities to get to know the newest addition to your team—Bucky Barnes.

In the Name of Love by @moonbeambucky | OS | Bucky meets a nurse he thinks is playing hard to get and he’s more than willing to throw himself in the game.

Flowers Bloom by @revengingbarnes | series completed -Soulmate AU | Whenever someone is injured, flowers bloom on their soulmate at the area of the wound. She is born with flowers around her entire left shoulder.

purgatory by @wkemeup | OS | While on a mission, Bucky becomes dissociated into the Winter Soldier. But instead of becoming a threat, his instinct is to protect.

Through the Year by @punani | OS | Bucky Barnes is a sight for sore eyes and he doesn’t know it. She is a sunflower in a sea of roses. Just give it another year, and a flurry of 11 soft moments and 1 heartbreaking one.

the witness by @wkemeup | series completed - detective AU | Owner of a bar full of criminals, maybe you shouldn’t be surprised when you’re the sole witness to a hydra hit. In comes Detective Barnes, the quick-witted, flirtatious cop who somehow became a regular at your misfit bar. When he takes it upon himself to ensure your safety off the books, you learn to rely on someone else for a change and find you don’t mind it at all. Not when it’s him.

The mating program by @multi-stann | OS - ABO AU with smut | In desperation, you go to the only place you know of where you’re sure you’ll be able to find an alpha- more like set up with one. Little do you know, the one you get isn’t all too fond of the idea, and he pushes you away.

Happy Birthday, Buck by @foreverindreamlandd | OS | Reader decides to spend a year celebrating all of the birthdays Bucky missed over the last 70+ years.

Birthday Kisses by @sarahwroteathing | OS | Sam starts a birthday kiss tradition to make up for your missed birthday and hopefully nudge a certain grumpy ex-assassin in the right direction.

(Don’t) Leave Me in the Dark by @calpalirwin | OS | When Bucky gets turned into the Winter Soldier, Steve has a plan for dragging his old friend out of the darkness: you.

Ties that bind by @sweetascanbee | soulmate AU - series completed | When you're sixteen years old, you get a soul mark with the letters 'JBB' emblazoned on your left wrist. The only problem is, soulmates pairings have basically gone extinct, and the man you've been paired with has been dead for seven decades.

Coming In Hot by @nexusnyx | modern AU - series completed | When your best friend Sarah recommends you a mechanic of her brother’s trust, all you can think about and pray to is that he doesn’t rip you off. Your car is your prized possession and amidst all the worry and concern of your medical studies, drowning in even more debt sounds as suffocating as it would be.

Of course, you never thought of the possibility of the mechanic being the problem. A hot, polite, gentle, and silent-type of problem.

Drowning in debt would be easier to navigate than the blue of Bucky Barnes’s eyes.

Flirt by @imokayunlessyoumentionendgame | OS | You make him weak. He doesn’t mind.

The Sergeant’s Heart by @foreverindreamlandd | series completed | You joined the 107th Regiment as a medic to both serve your country and make sure that your younger brother always has someone watching his back. But then the worst thing imaginable happens and it feels like your whole world has fallen apart. Enter the charming new Sergeant Bucky Barnes, who can’t seem to stay away from you. Somehow, he manages to stitch together the broken pieces of your heart that you thought could never be mended. But war is ugly, and a secret organization called HYDRA has plans in place that no one could have ever seen coming. It’s up to the both of you - and a few other friends - to work together to take them down.

Call It Love by @sweetascanbee | OS | As much of an expert as you were in pain, Bucky Barnes had introduced you to a novel strain, a kind of pain that encased your entire being down to the last atom, the kind of pain that left you breathless and sated, and yet still, wanting more.

Fridays by @justsomebucky | OS | AU. Your life changes the minute you meet Peggy Carter on the subway. What happens when she takes an interest in your personal life?

the rest of the year by @pellucid-constellations | OS | Bucky hasn’t been home in a while. You don’t expect anything different for the new year.

Out of Bounds by @foreverindreamlandd | series - modern AU | Bucky is captain of the Howlers soccer team and you're his favorite camera person. That is, when you're not mindlessly putting yourself in harm's way for the perfect shot.

came in close by @buckyskorpion | OS | Hogwarts AU - what could possibly go wrong with a couple of good-natured pranks between sworn enemies?

Treacherous by @scrumptious-delusion | OS | you’re asking yourself why he keeps coming back, he’s asking himself why you keep letting him in. it’s a treacherous slope but neither of you can turn back now.

chambers by @trillian-anders | series completed | post-endgame. Steve Rogers has passed away from old age. The one remarkable thing is that no one knew his heart would be in the condition it was. He was able to save one more life. After receiving his heart, strange things start happening. Including something that would change your life forever. (Inspired by the Netflix series of the same name.)

IN THE EMBERS by @foreverindreamlandd | series completed | Bucky Barnes. The boy next door. Your brother’s best friend. The guy you’ve been in love with for as long as you can remember. Unrequited, that is, seeing that he only thinks of you as a sister (at least, that’s what you always thought). It’s been about a decade since you’ve returned home and reunited with the boy - now man - with stunning blue eyes and a smile that still puts a million butterflies in your stomach. You never expected to come back, thinking that you’d spend the rest of your life as a famous artist in Los Angeles with your boyfriend/manager. But things change, life gets messy, and now you’re back in your childhood bedroom living with your mom and working at the townie bar to make ends meet while you try to figure out what the hell to do next. The one thing that hasn’t changed? Bucky Barnes is still the boy next door, and there’s no running from him this time.

valentine by @softlybarnes | OS | You’re Bucky’s neighbor, Bucky is your secret admirer. Valentine’s day and a potential date forces him to act.

baby, it's bad out there by @intrepidacious | OS | Your best friend Kate has always been good at attracting trouble and this time, it’s starting to become your problem, too. Then again, what’s Christmas in New York City without meet-cutes and gunfire?

Tell Me Which One Is Worse, Living Or Dying First by @nightowlwriting | OS | you are in love with bucky barnes. for a long time, the both of you were joined at the hip but then your team stops being paired with his on missions. he stops inviting you over for movie nights. when it finally looks like things are looking up, you hear bucky talking with steve and… it’s not good.

your own by @real-jane | OS | bucky hosts her at his farm for ten days, and that’s enough to make him realize what 'home’ really means. enough to go after her.

Steve Rogers

Lifeline by @anagentinwriting | series completed - modern AU | (First Responder!AU) Moving to Los Angeles and living with your brother, Thor, was never part of your plan nor was being a 9-1-1 dispatcher, but plans change when you are faced with your own emergencies. In your case, it was leaving behind a relationship that wasn’t as perfect as it seemed. Will this be the fresh start you were hoping for or will your past find a way to catch up with you?

can I kiss you on the dancefloor? by @literate-lamb | OS | One year into a relationship, yet still dancing in secrecy. Steve thinks he’s protecting you.

When a civilian and a hero fall in love, anything could go wrong. But not in the way Steve would have thought.

Or how the media play with the lives of superheroes.

gorgeous by @wkemeup | OS | Steve Rogers is really pretty and it’s hard to think straight when you look at his face; Based on the song Gorgeous by Taylor Swift

Rawhide Masterlist by @wiypt-writes | series ongoing - Cowboy ABO story that I absolutely adore | Two years post the violent death of your Alpha, your travels lead you to Stark Wood, a small village in Montana. Looking for a place to stay, you ask around and find yourself being directed to the Avengers Ranch, a working Cowboy Farm run by Steve Rogers.

An Honest One by @indyluckycharlie | OS | Dialogue prompt was: “I fucking love you.” “Hang up, and tell me this when you’re sober.” Somebody has a confession to make, maybe alcohol will make it for them.

quiet is the life by @pellucid-constellations | OS | Steve didn’t mean to fall in love with you—not when his life had become a high-speed chase, him against the law. But he did, and you brought a comfort he never thought he’d know. In return, he brought danger. You didn’t seem to mind.

With You, I’m Home by @sweetascanbee | OS | You never expected a snowstorm to leave you stranded in an IKEA overnight. You never expected one night to change the trajectory of your life so completely. You never expected him.

Same Time Next Week by @sarahwroteathing | OS | Steve meets a new friend and an old hobby on his Sunday morning run.

Stucky

Rogue by @mollygetssherlockcoffee | OS - Soulmate AU | Everyone is born with a Soulmate Tattoo. Your tattoo consisted of a flower representing yourself and two other flowers...

Sam Wilson

express shipping by @jamesbvck | OS | Sam’s new neighbour keeps getting his mail. But instead of taking it to the apartment office, she hand-delivers it to his door. Also, she’s cute.

Until We Meet Again by @beccaanne814 | OS | Sam Wilson has been a part of your life for what seems like forever, but now the two of you are on opposite sides of the law. Will you be able to help him and the other fugitive Avengers stay off of Agent Ross’ radar without blowing your cover?

Yelena Belova

Untitled by @charnelhouse | OS | Yelena pays a girl a visit.

Frank Adler

Fist Fights by @rogersevans | OS | Two years after the death of your mom you moved to Florida, for a new start. That’s how you ended up teaching Mary Adler how to throw a good sucker punch.

#fic recs #favs #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #Steve x Reader #Sam x Reader #yelena x reader #frank adler x reader #sam wilson x reader #steve rogers x reader #stucky x reader

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bloodorangesoup · 3 years

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Indulge me plS healing abilities reader ; bucky gets shot & dies in the field & she brings him back & now there’s a permanent reader- handprint shaped- scar right over his heart. (If he gets freaking w the reader the handprint glows when he cums or it just glows a little in the dark at all times & he puts his hand over it when he’s away and feels lonely Bc reader violated the laws of nature for him. Your choice)

https://images.app.goo.gl/xRrqfBWjt1A2pGpx9

An extremely sexy concept really.

Omg so this could go two ways

Angst - the reader dies saving Bucky because in order to bring him back theres has to be a sort of transfer of energy. That would absolutely wreck him especially if him and the reader were already together. He would miss her and put his hand over her print and just start sobbing cause he’d miss her so much and feel so guilty

Fluff - My heart can’t take tht though so imagine if its a sort of a CATWS Fury type situation where her heart slows down to a reallllly slow pace where they think she’s dead when theyre on the field and Buckys a mess and they bring her body back to the compound to be evaluated by a doctor and the doctors rush her into ICU and are able to save her. That’s an ending I can deal with. God, Bucky would be so relieved and give her that whole “please don’t ever do some stupid shit like that ever again” talk.

I think when they get freaky I can’t picture it glowing but I can picture the color of it getting stronger. I’m imagining a purplish color that’s just a little darker than his skin tone with purple hues and when they’re having sex the color blends into a deeper violet color and looks really pretty

I def think he would touch it a lot especially when he’s feeling insecure. Once he starts to feel better and a little less guilty about the situation he would look at it a lot. Like this man hates every scar on his body, but the one you left on him is the only one he likes and thinks is beautiful. When he’s insecure about feeling like he doesn’t deserve you or doesn’t think there’s a reason you should want to be with him he touches the scar and remembers you practically gave up your life for him. I think he’d also just like to touch it for comfort, you two always compare your hand sizes and he thinks its adorable how much smaller your hands are than his so he likes putting his hand over the scar cause he can feel where your fingertips end and how small the print is in comparison to his hand. Some people get tattoos of their S/Os name over their hearts and i think that would carry the same meaning for him.

Side note: that picture you linked kinda reminds me of the movie Brother Bear

This was a lovely concept it made me feel things. Thank you anon!!

#asks #chats #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes drabble #bucky barnes blurb #bucky barnes chats

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dd-is-my-guiltypleasure · 2 months

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Rating: I can't remember the last time a movie made me laugh out loud and struggle to hold back tears in the space of a few minutes. “Bucky F*cking Dent” is a tender, raw, deeply dramatic and very human film. It has an exemplary and well-written script (by Duchovny himself), in terms of emotion management, character construction and narrative construction. The cinematography is very good, the use of music is pragmatic and effective and the performances are above average. Anyone familiar with Duchovny's literary work knows that he is a brilliant storyteller, with intelligent, dark and effective humor. But it's above all human, or isn't that what would make us, Tugas, so involved in a film in which baseball plays such an important role. Rating: ★ ★★★½

#david duchovny #bucky F cking Dent #review

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sambuckyslay · 3 years

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Now there are a few people coming after the whole mcu for “treating Bucky’s disability as a joke”. (Both his ptsd and metal arm). Idk I think marvel DID emphasize through various scenes that what happened to him is serious, but they don’t have to go dark all the time with it. A lot of disabled people enjoy laughing about it and don’t take it so seriously and don’t want others to either, unless they’re being blatantly discriminated against. In fact, when it comes to trauma, talking about it jokingly or nonchalantly is how a lot of people decide is the best way to deal with it for them, and have others do the same around them. And your absolutely right that most people can read when os the time to joke and when is the time to be serious. Just because someone has trauma doesn’t mean we’re in a “triggered” state 24/7 so people have to be careful all the time. Just because I can have problems with anxiety doesn’t mean I’m always anxious.

I saw someone with a bionic arm react to TFATWS and the scene were Bucky’s arm falls off. He didn’t look upset at all, in fact he just made a joke about “this is why I avoid making my girlfriend mad”. People have different relationships with their disabilities so it’s wrong to say there’s a single “right” way to portray characters like that. Bucky’s characterization is realistic as well as those around him. And none of them are immoral regarding the situation. Even Rocket Raccoon’s line “I’ll get that arm” isn’t bad because the joke is supposed to be “omg, this raccoon is a dick”

Exactly! People react to traumatic things in different ways and they cope with it in different ways. Some people do this by cracking jokes and making light & other people don’t. Nothing wrong with either of those. If they had treated Bucky the way they treated Thor in Endgame then I’d be right there with them in calling Marvel out. How they handled Thor is a prime example of them taking a characters mental health issues and turning them into a punchline.

That video you mentioned actually popped up on my Youtube feed! I’ve been meaning to watch it. He probably has some interesting takes on things for sure.

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jeranasblog · 4 years

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Happy Birthday, Daddy

Summary: Peter made the perfect present for his Daddy’s birthday.

Rating: E

Notes: This story is my 5th @starkercestevent contribution. Kink for the 5th story: Sex Tapes (Bingo board at the end of the post). Read the first OS here. They add up to one story but can be read separately, too.

Warnings: Adoptive Father/Adoptive Son, don’t like it, don’t read it.

Read on Ao3

After the disaster at the annual Stark Charity Event, Peter and his Daddy had only grown closer. The Alpha had been even more possessive, even more attentive, and even more loving, anticipating every wish Peter could possibly have before he had the chance to express it. He was in heaven; the focus of his Daddy was only on him, and that made his stomach bubble with happiness. Not only was his Daddy good in bed, but he was also the best Alpha to take care of him.

Their life had become pretty domestic, his Daddy spent most of the time working and fucking Peter, while Peter was studying, meeting his friend and getting fucked by his Daddy. Never before had he felt so content, so balanced, and he blossomed under his Daddy’s attention, his grades were getting even better.

There was only one thing Peter was constantly thinking about. His Daddy’s birthday was in a week and he wanted to find the perfect present for him. But what could he give a man who had enough money to buy everything he could ever want? Slowly, Peter became desperate. There was no material thing in the world, Tony Stark couldn’t buy.

The closer the birthday came, the more nervous Peter got. He only had three days left. Three days to find the best present for his Daddy, to show how much Peter loved him, how much he wanted to be owned by him. He wanted to find a present that showed precisely that he was his Daddy’s property, and with each day that passed, Peter became more and more restless.

Finally, he decided to call Bucky. He was the only bonded Omega he knew, and he was too desperate not to try, so he picked up his phone as soon as his Daddy left for work.

“Peter?” Bucky’s voice was filled with surprise.

Peter had actually never called him before, and he swallowed the feeling of anxiety that started to spread in his guts. Yes, he didn’t consider Bucky a friend, but his Alpha Steve was very close to Tony, so calling might have been a good idea anyway. If Bucky knew what Steve liked, maybe Tony would be pleased with it as well. “Bucky, I need your help.”

“What’s up? Anything happened?” Bucky sounded seriously concerned.

“Nothing’s happened.” Peter reassured him. “It’s just- Tony’s birthday is in a week and I don’t know what to get him. He has enough money to buy anything he wants, and-“ He paused for a second, afraid he got on Bucky’s nerves. “Doesn’t matter, just ignore me.”

He heard a soft laugh coming from the other end of the call. “Hey, Peter. I know how it feels, and don’t worry; I might have an idea. I’m glad you called. Is your Alpha home?”

“No?” Peter answered confused, a little scared by Bucky’s enthusiasm.

“Perfect, give me twenty minutes, I’ll come over.” The other Omega hung up before Peter even had a chance to protest.

As Bucky entered the apartment, he hugged Peter to greet him and dumped a huge backpack in the middle of the living room. Peter had already been suspicious why he even needed to bring it along at all, and when Bucky opened the backpack, Peter started to blush.

“I’m glad you called me.” Bucky was grinning madly, a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. "We've been spending far too little time together, Petey. We Omegas got to stick together, don't we?" Peter nodded, still frozen from the glance into the backpack. “When you asked me what you could give to your Daddy, I immediately thought about the present I made for Steve.” His grin turned even dirtier.

“I don’t know if I like where this is going.” Peter said doubtfully, fumbling with his sleeves while his gaze was lowered to the ground.

“Oh, sweetie.” Bucky purred. “I can see why your Daddy is into you. You’re so precious. Come on, let’s give it a try. You Alpha would love to see you like that.”

That was all Bucky had to say to convince Peter. ‘His Daddy would love it’, that was so true. Peter wanted to give his Daddy the best present possible, wanted to show him how much he loved him, and if it required listening to Bucky’s suggestions for a few minutes, Peter would gladly do it.

“All right.” Peter agreed, reluctantly smiling at the other Omega. “I’ll give it a shot. Would you like some coffee?”

Bucky’s eyes sparkled and he grinned even broader, pulling a video camera out of the backpack. “Sure, let’s go for it.” That was the moment Peter knew Bucky was going be trouble.

Five hours and three coffees later, the present was ready just before his Daddy came home.

Tony’s birthday fell on a Sunday, and Peter was more than happy that his Daddy didn’t have to work. He woke up early, his alarm went off twenty minutes before Tony’s, and he got up to make coffee for his Daddy. He wanted the day to be special, wanted to be the best little Omega for his Alpha.

“Daddy, happy birthday, time to get up.” He crawled on the bed, snuggling up to his Daddy and breathed in the heavy scent. It was the familiar musky Alpha smell, leather mixed with a hint of coffee, and Peter purred in contentment.

“Baby?” Tony’s voice was tired but happy and he smiled at his Omega as he took the steaming mug from his hands. “Thanks, sweetheart. You’re the best.” The Alpha wrapped his arms around him, pulling him closer until he was halfway sitting on his Daddy’s lap. They enjoyed the coffee in silence, savoring the closeness and peace they usually didn’t have in the morning due to the Alpha’s work schedule.

“Daddy, I have a present for you.” Peter said after a few minutes, wiggling excited on his father’s lap.

Tony groaned from the friction. “Yeah, baby boy? What have you got for me?” He pressed open-mouthed kisses on Peter’s lips, making the Omega whimper softly. Peter already felt the familiar sensation of arousal and he closed his eyes, focusing on the task ahead. He couldn’t give in now, he needed to give his present to his Alpha.

“First breakfast, Daddy.” Peter pulled away from the hug and Tony looked at him in surprise. Usually, Peter always wanted sex as soon as the Alpha touched him, and the slight smell of his slick that was lingering in the room showed that the Omega was already aroused. Nevertheless, Peter kept his distance, smiling at his Daddy to reassure him that everything was fine.

“Just make a quick trip to the bathroom, Daddy. I’ll prepare breakfast.” Peter's eyes were sparkling, and although the Alpha would have preferred to spend more time in bed, he got up with a sighed. He couldn’t deny his Omega anything, even if it meant keeping his dick wrapped in his pants.

Twenty minutes later they were eating pancakes in silence, while Peter did his best to keep his distance to his Daddy. He knew he would cave as soon as the scent of his Daddy was pulling him in and he had to stand firm to continue his plan. The blueberry pancakes were delicious, but Peter couldn’t concentrate on the taste, too nervous about the present. What if his Daddy didn’t like it? Or even worse, what if he laughed at him?

When they finally finished the food, Peter brought the dishes into the kitchen and asked his Daddy to wait on the couch in the living room for his present. He went into the bathroom and prepared everything he needed for today. First, he changed into pretty red panties he had bought especially for today, and then he put on a matching see-through bathrobe. A look in the mirror confirmed that the lingerie was hugging his body perfectly, and it gave him the necessary confidence for his plan. He brushed his teeth and fixed his hair quickly before he joined his Daddy in the living room.

As soon as the Alpha laid eyes on him, his pupils dilated, and a dark hungry look appeared on his face. He wasn’t moving, but the tense posture showed that his Daddy was ready to lunge at him every second. His stomach was fluttering under Tony’s obvious arousal and he licked his lips, preparing himself to be devoured by his Alpha.

“Daddy.” Peter purred, confident under the longing gaze. Usually, his Daddy initiated the sex between them, but today Peter wanted to do something special.

“Come here, baby!” Tony ordered, gesturing him to sit down on the Alpha’s lap, and Peter struggled with his biology to disobey the command.

“Just a second, Daddy.” He begged, his pleading eyes focused on the Alpha, and he walked over to the TV, making sure to sway his hips enchantingly. He could feel the tension in the room, could feel the eyes following him, waiting for the perfect moment lunge out. He wanted to look good for his Alpha, irresistible, but if he would go too far, his Daddy would snap, and the surprise would be ruined.

The Alpha growled. “Fuck, sweetheart. What are you doing to me? Dressing up so prettily just for me, ready to be taken, but instead of sitting on my cock like a good little Omega, you’re teasing me and keep your distance? Do you think that’s fair?”

Peter whimpered, his hands shaking with excitement as he put a disc into the DVD player. He had to bend over to reach the player, his back arched and his ass on display, ready for his Daddy to take. The first gush of slick was running down his thighs, escaping from his soaked panties and he felt how the Alpha’s gaze was following the drops.

“Daddy, please, gimme a minute.” Peter begged, tears already forming in his eyes. “I swear I sit on your cock immediately. I’ve already prepped myself in the bathroom. Just let me give you your present first.”

Tony groaned, a mixture of annoyance and arousal, but fortunately, he gave in. “Fine baby but hurry up. I can’t wait forever.”

Peter obeyed, put the disk in the DVD player, and almost ran back to the couch. He jumped onto his Daddy’s lap and wrapped his arms around the Alpha’s neck.

“Happy birthday, Daddy.” Peter whispered, pressing his lips against Tony’s. A deep growl rumbled through the Alpha’s chest and he took over the control of the kiss, prying his mouth open with his tongue.

The Omega moaned. His Daddy’s tongue was roaming around in his mouth, dominating every inch of it, and Peter let go. He lost himself in the kiss, his lips moving against his Daddy’s, while his soaked panties were the only barrier between his slick hole and his Alpha’s cock. He whimpered, non-verbally begging for his Daddy to give him what he wanted, what he needed. Arousal was taking over his mind, leaving him as a desperate mess, willing to do everything his Daddy wanted him to.

“Fuck, sweetheart. You drive me crazy all the time. Such a good Omega, giving me such a beautiful birthday present on your body. Look at your ass in those panties, all ripe, ready for me to take.”

Peter’s beamed under the compliment, and it took his lustful brain a second to process his Daddy’s words. Birthday present? Fuck, his Daddy thought the lingerie was everything Peter wanted to give him? Slowly, the fog in his mind started to clear a little, and Peter forced himself to focus on the plan again.

“That’s not your only present, Daddy.” Peter put on his most innocent expression, knowing he would get anything from his Alpha when he looked like this. “Daddy let me turn around and give you your other present. I don’t have to get up, just let me turn around.”

The Alpha groaned reluctantly, burying his teeth in the Omega’s neck and making him scream. He didn’t pull back until a red mark blossomed on Peter’s skin and he looked at it satisfied. “Fine, baby. You can turn around if you sit on my cock and warm it like a good little Omega. Deal?”

Peter felt hot all over, the idea of sitting on his Alpha’s cock made him burn with desire. He wanted it now, suddenly couldn’t wait even a minute longer. “Yes, Daddy, please. I need it, I need your cock, I need your knot.”

Tony growled, stripping off his panties and manhandling him until his back was pressed against the Alpha’s chest. Peter hadn’t even noticed when the Alpha had pulled his trousers down, but he could feel the bare cock nudging against his wet hole.

“Daddy.” Peter was whining, trying to move his hips to get friction against his hole, but the tight grip of his Daddy prevented him from splitting himself open on the thick cock.

“Beg, sweetheart.” The Alpha ordered, his knees pressing against Peter’s legs, forcing the Omega to open them obscenely. “Beg me to fill your greedy little cunt.”

Peter was too far gone to feel shame anymore, tears spilling from his eyes, and a craving for his Daddy’s cock was filling each cell of his body. “P-please, daddy. Please, gimme your cock. I need it. Please, put it in my cunt.”

Tony growled, a deep possessive sound, and Peter could feel the tip pressing against his rim. He moaned in satisfaction, moving his hips, and working together with his Daddy, until finally his Daddy’s cock entered his body. Peter moaned like a whore, his walls stretched tight around the thick flesh and his brain shut down. He didn’t remember his plan anymore, didn’t remember why he wanted to ride his Daddy chest to back, the only thing he was focused on was the delicious friction in his body.

Fortunately, at least his Daddy was a man of his words. “Baby.” The Alpha was panting against his neck. “Tell me now what the present is about before I fuck you stupid with my cock.”

Although his Daddy wasn’t moving, it took Peter a second to calm down enough to remember his plan. His insides were clenching, inviting his Daddy to just take him, but the Alpha kept his promise. Still half out of his mind, Peter fumbled for the remote, the cock inside of him pulsating every time, even if he moved just a little bit. Finally, he found the right button and pressed play.

The video started and showed a shot of Peter who was sitting on their bed, wearing the same panties his Daddy had stripped of him a few minutes ago. He was a bit nervous, fumbled with the sheets, and looked shyly into the camera. Before ‘Video Peter’ even started talking, Tony seemed to understand what the present was about, and his hands tightened on Peter’s hips, forcing him to stay on the pulsating cock.

“Hi, Daddy.” ‘Video Peter’ blushed and shifted until he finally settled onto his knees. His legs were spread and revealed his soft cock clad in the familiar red panties, his Daddy’s favorite color. “Umm, I didn’t know what I could get you for your birthday, because you can buy anything you want, but I thought I could make a little video. You can take it with you when you go on the next business trip.” He giggled softly and placed his hands on his thighs, slowly stroking them without touching his panties.

The Alpha growled, his hips suddenly thrusting up and Peter bounced on his cock. He cried, surprised by the unexpected friction, and his muscles clenched, keeping the Alpha’s cock locked inside his body.

“Daddy.” Peter whimpered, his hips moving involuntarily, and it got harder and harder for him to focus on the screen.

“Such a good little Omega.” The Alpha purred in Peter’s ear, his hand digging into his soft thighs. “How thoughtful of you to give me something to enjoy when I’m separated from you. Tell me you’re mine, little slut.”

“Yours, Daddy, only yours.” Peter’s eyes rolled back when his Daddy’s cock hit his prostate and he could feel slick leaking out of his body. He was already drifting away, becoming sweet and pliant for his Alpha to take, his thoughts reduced to the thick flesh inside of him.

‘Video Peter’ was smiling shyly into the camera, stroking his body and twisting his nipples. A moan echoed through the room, coming from the sound system that was installed all over the living room, and his Alpha’s cock twitched in response. Peter couldn’t even focus on the screen anymore; lust clouded his brain while he was frantically bouncing on his Alpha’s cock. It felt so good, like everything he had ever wished for, and he flew even higher, knowing that his Daddy loved his present.

His Alpha’s eyes were fixed on the screen, watching as Video-Peter was turned around, spread his cheeks with his hands, and presented his dripping hole to the camera. Slick was running down his thighs and he pressed two fingers into his body.

“Baby just look at yourself on the screen. You look so ripe, so needy, so perfect for your Daddy. Your hole is arching for me, wet from just thinking about my cock.” Tony growled into Peter’s ear, steadily thrusting in and out of his body. “I love you, and I love your present. I’m going to take it with me on my business trip, watch it again and again, thinking about the sweet little Omega who is waiting for me at home. You’re the only one for me, you’re mine.”

Peter sobbed, pleasure was buzzing through his body, leaving him shaken each time the tip of his Daddy’s cock was stroking against his sweet spot. It was pure bliss, but still not enough. He wanted to be buried under his Daddy, wanted to be shoved down and used. He was a slut for his Daddy, his wet hole, made to get the Alpha off, and the thought alone made him cry out loud.

“Daddy, I’m yours, I need you.” ‘Video Peter’ was whimpering as well, three fingers thrusting in and out of his hole. The Alpha’s eyes were black, watching his present like a predator, ready to lunge at his prey. “Daddy, it’s not enough, I need you, please come home, please take me.”

The Alpha reached his breaking point. He roared, grabbed Peter’s hips, and pulled him away from his cock. Peter whined in despair, begging his Daddy to give him back his knot, to give him something, anything, to soothe the emptiness in his hole, but Tony was no longer paying attention to his pleads.

He was feral with lust, manhandling him until he was pressed face-first into the couch. He didn’t even pull the Omega’s hips up, simply kicking his legs apart and burying himself to the hilt into the wet heat again. Peter’s moans were muffled by the cushions and slick gushed out of his hole, ruining the leather of the couch. The Alpha was grinding his hips, riding him into the mattress while his teeth were assaulting the Omega’s neck.

“God, I love you.” The Alpha growled, his voice strained from the need to claim his Omega. “So sweet for Daddy, always knowing exactly what I need. I’m going to reward you; I’m going to stuff you with my come until you’re leaking it for days. You will know who you belong to every second, when you leave the house, in college, even when you meet your little friends. I’ll make sure to keep you breed the whole time.”

Peter’s whole body was shaking. Just the thought of being stuffed by his Daddy, of being breed by his Daddy, was enough to get him close. He knew he couldn’t actually get pregnant since he was on birth control, but the thought of being claimed so thoroughly by his Daddy made him lose his mind.

“Please, Daddy.” He whimpered weakly; all the energy drained from his body. “I want that, I want you. Claim me, Daddy. Make me yours.”

The Alpha roared, accelerating his thrusts and pressing himself even harder against the Omega’s body. Every time he entered the tight wet heat, Peter was pushed around on the couch, his leaking cock getting the friction he was desperate for. His orgasm was coming closer and closer, and each stroke against his prostate took him higher.

“Daddy, I can’t take it anymore, I’m coming, I’m-“ His words were swallowed by a moan as Tony buried his teeth in his neck, only an inch away from his mating glands. The pain was wonderful, a burning throb mixed with his arousal, and he couldn’t avoid the sensation, forced to just take it.

The video was still running in the background, needy whines echoing across the room, but they were drowned out by Peter’s desperate cries. His Daddy’s thrusts were rocking his hips against the couch, making obscene sounds every time the thick cock entered his body.

A resounding sensation announced his orgasm. It tingled through his body, heating every inch of him until it ended in his hole. His cunt was leaking and throbbing, begging his Daddy for his seed, and Peter couldn’t hold back much longer. He gasped and choked on the feeling while his mind was blissfully empty, high on the endorphins flooding his body.

His muscles trembled, trapping his Alpha’s cock inside of his body and he could feel how his Daddy’s knot was swelling inside his hole. His entire body was trembling with arousal, trying to get away from the overwhelming sensation caused by the tip of his Daddy’s cock that was pressed against his prostate. But his Daddy was cruel, his strong body fixing the Omega on the couch, forcing him to take everything the Alpha wanted to give him.

Although his Alpha’s knot was swelling, it wasn’t quite catching yet and he was compelled to endure the overstimulation with every thrust. His Daddy couldn’t stop anymore, even if Peter would beg him to, and the thought of being at Tony’s mercy made Peter’s cock leaking endlessly onto the couch.

It felt like hours, hours of pain and pleasure, of arousal and overstimulation, until finally, his Daddy started to roar, his hips pressed tightly against Peter’s ass. He felt how his Alpha’s come was pumped inside of his body, the knot growing until it was tying them together.

Neither of them was able to speak, Peter drooled onto the couch while his Daddy was pumping load after load into his body, breeding him exactly as he had promised. Peter felt full and couldn’t remember ever feeling better, his Daddy’s knot plugging him up like he loved it. The Omega inside of him was purring, telling him how good he had been for his Alpha.

“I love you, Peter.” Tony whispered in his ear. “And I loved your present. I will definitely bring it with me the next time I have to leave you.”

Peter purred, letting himself being manhandled until he was laying on his side, the Alpha pressed against his back. He could still feel the knot buried in his body and he surrendered to the blissful silence in his head.

“I love you, too.” Peter slurred, pressing himself closer against the muscular chest and moving his Daddy’s arms until they were tightly wrapped around his body. “Happy birthday, Daddy.”

“Thank you, baby. It was the best birthday ever.”

#starker #starkercestbingo2020

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waiting4inspiration · 5 years

Text

Just Try XXXVII (Alpha!Bucky x Omega!Reader)

Summary: Finally back home and trying to get used to your new life, you can’t help but feel a sense of impending doom one day. And your instincts turn out to be true.

Warnings: angsty (again), reader being feral and killing someone…

Just Try Masterlist II Marvel Masterlist

It’s great getting back home to the compound. You quickly grew tired of the hospital smell and buzz and basically beam when the doctor says that you and your pups can go home. Bucky’s relieved too but for reasons unaware to you.

He’s happy to get you back to the compound where he knows you’ll be safer than at the hospital because FRIDAY will be able to detect anyone that shouldn’t be here. Not to mention that there are safe rooms for you and the pups should there be an intrusion. Of course, to you, it just seems that Bucky’s protectiveness is just based on instincts.

The team has kept their word and not said a single word about what happened. They haven’t even hinted that something has happened, which Bucky is thankful for because he doesn’t want you to freak out now in your exhausted state. And he doesn’t want you to have something else on your mind. All that matter now is that you focus on the pups, give them the nurturing they need.

Mason and Natalie spend most of the time with you either in your nest or in their nursery. You don’t like them being out of your sights. Only when they’re asleep do you do the things you need like eat or use the bathroom or even take a nap. But taking a nap will always be in the same room the pups are in. Just in case they wake up before you. Though it had been a few weeks since you got back home - and gave birth to the two lights of your life - you still pray for a few extra minutes every time one pup cries, waking up the other and making you whine.

But today, for some reason, your instincts refuse you to leave them even for a second. There’s a sense of anxiety in your chest every time you look towards the door or even think about leaving them. It has been like that all day and carries through to the night. Bucky senses your stress and watches from the doorway of the nursery as you pace the floor in front of the two cribs.

“(Y/n),” he gently whispers, pulling you out of your thoughts and making you head snap to him. “Your pacing’s gonna wake them up,” he chuckles to lighten the thick air around you and quietly walks towards you.

You sigh, run a hand through your hair as you glance over to the two sleeping pups. “I know, I just…” you whisper, sighing again before looking up at him. He now stands in front of you, places his hands on your hips and rests his forehead against yours. “Something doesn’t feel right,” you mutter, placing your hands on his chest and breathing in his scent to try and calm down.

“Maybe you’re just tired,” he suggests making you pull back harshly and glare up at him.

“No, this has nothing to do with the lack of sleep I’m getting, Bucky,” you growl at him, stepping out of his hold and standing over Natalie’s crib. “Something’s gonna happen. Something bad and I can feel it,” you say, turning your head back to him as he takes a deep breath. “I’m not leaving them alone. Not until this feeling goes away.”

Licking his lips, he nods his head and takes a small step towards you. “Alright, if something bad were to happen,” he starts, standing beside you and looking down at his girl. “You know that they’re safe here in the compound. No one on this team will let anyone near the nursey that shouldn’t be here,” he reminds, snaking an arm around your waist and pulling you closer to him.

Leaning your head against his shoulder as you stare down at your daughter, you wrap your arm around him and take your lower lip between your teeth. “I can’t fight these instincts, Bucky,” you whisper, lightly shaking your head to yourself.

“You need to take care of yourself, omega,” he replies, placing a kiss on top of your head as your jaw clenches. “I’ll be here for them. You need to get some rest…”

“Jesus Christ, Bucky, what part of ‘I’m not leaving them’ don’t you understand,” you quietly hiss, pushing him away from you as you glare at him.

He only glares back at you, his shoulders tensing as his hands form fists by his side. He’s controlling himself from not snapping loudly so that he wakes his pups but also to not upset you. “I’m thinking about them, (Y/n),” he whispers a sneer, nodding to the sleeping twins as you fold your arms over your chest.

“And I’m not?” you ask, you voice becoming slightly louder as you take a step towards him. “I’m being selfish, thinking only about myself, am I? I’m not giving up sleep to make sure that nothing bad happens to them because every minute that passes this feeling keeping building and building and it’s driving me crazy,” you rant, your scent becoming frantic and making the pups stir.

Before Bucky can say the words on the edge of his tongue, the power goes out, plunging to room in darkness and making your heart drop a thousand feet through the earth. Glancing back at Bucky, you start to pant in fear when that feeling of impending doom skyrockets. “Alpha…”

Your whines are interrupted when the window os the nursery shatters as a man flies through it. You and Bucky react differently. He pushes past you to attack the intruder as you lunge for the cribs, shielding the pup closest to the window from the glass shards. To make things easier for you to protect your pack, you take Mason out his crib and place him beside his crying sister.

Looking over your shoulder as Bucky throws the interloper against the wall, your eyes catch another man climbing through the shattered window. He has his eyes set on you and the howling pups. You growl ferally at him and raise your leg to kick him in the throat as he takes a step closer.

The man grabs your ankle and pulls you away from the cribs making the one leg holding you up to fall out from under you, sending both you and the man to the ground. Wrapping your legs around his body and flipping him to his back, you take his head in your hands and instantly jerk it to the side, a wrongful snap echoing around the room.

Jumping back up to your feet as the man Bucky is occupied with drops to the ground, he turns to you to make sure you’re fine as well as his pups. Outside the broken window, you both hear foreign orders being barked as a smell of terror fills the room.

Your body jerks to the crying pups and Bucky quickly joins your side as you pick up you girl, Bucky taking Mason in his arms. “Safe room. Now,” he orders, as you both turn to the door.

You don’t need to be told twice as you and your alpha jolt out the disheveled nursery and down the halls towards the safe room. You won’t say that you were right about something bad happening. At least, not now. All that’s in your mind is getting your pack to safety.

Shooting sounds behind you, making you and Bucky freeze and snap around. A gasp catches in your throat as you bite back tears and shake your head. Bucky turns back to you and hands Mason to you. “Go. Now,” he orders, placing his hands on your shoulder as your head shake furiously. “Get to the safe room and don’t come out until I come get you.”

“No, I can’t,” you stutter out clutching your pups closer to you as you stare at his chest. “Please, don’t leave. I need you…”

He stops your muttering by placing his lips on yours, careful not to crush his pups against you. It’s a quick kiss, only to make you stop talking, and he pulls away after a second. “You’ll be fine. I promise,” he whispers, cupping your face in his hands and gently kissing your forehead before stepping back. “Go.”

Not giving you a chance to speak, he turns his back on you and runs down the hallway. Biting your lip, you quickly glance down at your pups in your arms before turning on your heels and running farther away from the shooting noise. And from Bucky.

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#alpha!bucky #alpha!bucky x omega!reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes imagines #bucky barnes imagine #bucky imagine #bucky barnes #abo dynamics #bucky abo #the avengers imagine #the avengers imagines #just try

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writinginstardust · 5 years

Text

Heart Beats For You

Pairing: Nikolai Lantsov x reader

Request: @thats-so-bucky asked “ OHOHOH and maybe a Nikolai fic where they’re in a relationship and they’re sneaking around but maybe like Alina catches them of something? I was thinking when theyre in the Spinning Wheel? but do whatever suits you best😊 “

Warnings: suggestive themes, a little bit of bad language

A/N: yeah I changed it ever so slightly and it got way out of hand but 🤷‍♀️ It’s soooo long so if you want to read it in parts rather than all at once it will be up on AO3 in chaptered format. Anyway it’s basically a retelling of all the events at the Spinning Wheel in Ruin and Rising with you dating Nikolai in secret. Enjoy the monster.

Word Count: 10,256

“You know, one day we're going to get caught,” I breathed out as Nikolai backed me up against the wall of his room.

“No we're not. I'm far too clever for that.” He smirked against my neck and I couldn't help rolling my eyes even knowing he couldn't see it.

“Considering the excuse you just gave to bring me back here, I'm not sure you should be so confident in your abilities.”

“You're questioning my abilities now are you?” He raised his head, that smirk still playing on his lips. “Would you like another demonstration of them to put your mind at rest?”

“Not quite what I was talking about but I'm not saying no.”

“Good. That is the reason I brought you here after all.”

“Oh really? With your hand up my shirt I couldn't be sure.” Nikolai didn't dignify that with a response past a lingering kiss. He pressed himself more firmly against me, trapping me against the cold stone wall as he parted my lips with his own and deepened the kiss. Just as his hands started getting a little more daring in their movements, a loud knock sounded at the door and he forced himself to pull away with a groan of frustration.

I quickly smoothed out Nikolai's hair before straightening my clothes as he went to answer the door. Thankfully it was just Tolya, the one person in this place who wouldn't ask questions or say a word if he noticed anything.

“Sorry, I know you and (Y/N) needed some time to discuss some...private matters? But your father has discovered Genya is here and sent guards to get her. We think you should probably come and handle this.”

“Saints...this is not going to be fun at all. Thank you for letting me know Tolya, bring everyone to the war room.” The large man nodded and left without another word. “One hour,” Nikolai lamented, shutting the door and turning back to me, “could I get just one hour of peace?”

“Apparently not.” I walked over and wrapped my arms around his waist, stretching up to press a soothing kiss to his jaw. “If you want, I can set something on fire after this is sorted out. Maybe that will keep them busy long enough to give us some time alone.”

“If only it were that easy, my love.” He kissed my forehead lightly before pulling out of my embrace and squeezing my hand comfortingly. “Meet me back at the war room in a few hours when everyone's going to sleep. We can say we're planning or something and, with everyone in bed, hopefully get some peace for a little while.”

“Sounds like a plan. Let's go sort out this mess then.” With one last kiss and appearance check, we left the privacy of Nikolai's room and returned to the normalcy of the spinning wheel. Let the facade of being nothing more than life-long friends drop back into place and acted as if we weren't slipping away to make out in abandoned halls every chance we got.

It was fun sneaking around sometimes, the risk of getting caught adding some excitement to our relationship, but other times I wished more than anything that i could kiss him or hold his hand or seek comfort in his arms whenever I wanted, that I didn't have to restrict my affection to those fleeting moments we could steal for ourselves. After 4 years together, 3 of those years of keeping it a secret, it was hard not to be tired of it.

There were so many reasons we hadn't and simply couldn't tell most people but it didn't stop the longing. Even just to be able to tell our friends and get the teasing that always came from something as simple as a goodbye kiss would be a blessing, would make it all feel somehow more real. It was hard but I wouldn't give up what Nikolai and I had for anything. If secrecy was the price for the way he looked at me when we were alone and the way he'd make me feel like the only thing that mattered in this world, then it was a price I'd pay without hesitation.

I perched on Nikolai's desk, fidgeting nervously as I watched Alina and the others enter the room, all of them with heads held high. I didn't know if their confidence was real or fake but either way I was proud. Nikolai leaned casually beside me though he looked troubled which worried me even more than the dark look on the King's face. If he was looking concerned, things were bad.

"I didn't ask to see this witch," the King spat. Well we were off to a great start. "And why is your little pet still here? She has no business in these matters." He turned a glare on me and I felt my anger rising. He'd never liked me, though I had no idea why, well I might have some idea, and the feeling was mutual. I found myself wondering how mad Nikolai would really be if I set fire to his father.

I was too preoccupied with the thought to pay attention to the next exchange but Genya's "I have no betters here" brought me back and I had to resist the urge to cheer.

"If he cannot be tried for his failures as a King, let him be tried for his failures as a man." I paled at Genya's words as the King sputtered indignantly and argued with Nikolai. Knowing him and what he'd almost tried with me, I had a feeling I knew exactly what she'd endured at his hands. Whatever she'd done to him in return, I was glad of it.

"Genya Safin, you are accused of treason and attempted murder."

"If I'd wanted him dead, he'd be dead." I didn't doubt it but I was surprised she didn't want him dead. The idea certainly wasn't unappealing to me. As she explained everything to us I felt worse and worse about never trying to be a better friend to her back in Os Alta. If I didn't think she'd yell at me for pitying her, I would have given her a hug.

"Did he force you?" Nikolai asked and I could feel the tension radiating from him. Genya nodded and he turned to his father. "Did you?"

"She is a servant Nikolai. I didn't have to force her."

The small amount of control I was still holding onto went up in flames and my anger spilled over at his complete lack of remorse. I could feel the heat of the fire that engulfed my hands without looking down to see it and saw the fires lighting the room jump wildly. I knew from past experience that the glow of those flames reflected in my eyes while i was like this was slightly terrifying but I didn't care. I got off the desk but only made it a step towards the King before Nikolai's hand around my wrist stopped my progress. My flames flickered out as I turned to look at him.

"(Y/N), let me handle it," he whispered. For a long moment I just looked at him as he pleaded with his eyes for me to calm down. Everyone was watching, most still shocked from my slip in control, but I hardly noticed.

"Alright."

"Thank you."

"Nikolai, control your pet." I whipped back around to face the King and lifted a hand to send a whip of fire towards him but never got the chance.

"(Y/N)..." There was a warning in Nikolai's tone and I lowered my hand and returned to my seat on the desk. "Father, do not speak to her like that or next time I may not stop her." The King started to protest but Nikolai held up a hand and continued. "Genya Safin, when this war is over you will stand trial for your crimes against the crown." She nodded but took it well. "Father, you are ill. You have served the crown and the people of Ravka and now it is time for you to rest. Tonight you will write a letter of abdication."

He argued, of course, but he lost and was finally made to leave in defeat. He couldn’t resist one last cruel remark though. Pausing before Genya, his eyes roamed her face. “At least now you look like what you truly are,” he said. “Ruined.”

I gripped the desk to stop myself from storming over and slapping him, consequences be damned. I wasn’t the only one either. Mal stepped forward, Tamar reached for her axes, Tolya let out a growl, even Nikolai and Alina tensed up and I saw anger flash across their faces. Genya stopped anything we might have done with a hand and only then did I notice the smell of burning. I looked down to see my hands glowing against the wooden desk, tendrils of smoke curling up from between my fingers. I quickly pulled my hands away, revealing two hand-shaped scorch marks.

“I’ve really got to get more control of that,” I whispered to Nikolai as we both watched on. Genya said something that put real fear in the King's eyes before he and the Queen were escorted out.

“Well, at least it’s not my bed sheets this time,” he replied just as softly, wanting as much as I to not interrupt the raw display of emotion going on between the others. I poked his side at the smirk he threw my way.

“That one was on you. ...Did I hurt you?" I looked down at his hand but it didn't look like I'd burned him.

"No, I didn't feel a thing."

I breathed a sigh of relief and looked back at the others. To everyone’s shock David pulled Genya into a kiss and I felt a smile spread across my face. At least some good had come of all this. “Don’t be too harsh on her, she had good reason for doing what she did. I know it was bad but I think most people would have done the same in her position. I know I would have.”

“I’ll think about it. You seem to know more than I do about the particulars of her circumstances and I trust your judgement but she’ll still have to stand trial.”

“I understand, just don’t judge her too hastily.”

“I promise.”

“Thank you.” I took his hand and squeezed it, wishing more than anything that I could kiss him in thanks instead.

“Genya,” he raised his voice to get the attention of the others, “when this war is over you will have to face charges and I will decide if you are to be pardoned.”

“I don’t fear your justice mon tsar.” To my surprise, she bowed.

“I’m not King yet.”

“You might as well be.” I nudged his side gently, so proud of him for having done what was needed. He was going to be an amazing King. He rolled his eyes with a long-suffering sigh before gesturing to the door.

“You can all go.” Alina hesitated for a moment at his dismissal but ultimately left without another word. The door shut and Nikolai slumped down into a chair, finally letting down the mask of the composed leader he so often wore. “Did I do the right thing?”

I hesitated a moment before answering. It was impossible to really be sure until whatever the consequences of our choices came to fruition but I didn’t disagree with the path he’d chosen.

“I think so. You were right to send away your parents, I don’t think they’re in any fit state to rule and, much as I loathe your father, showing him mercy was the act of a worthy leader. You know my view on the Genya situation but I trust that you’ll do what’s best when we have to handle that as well.”

“I can’t imagine what it must have been like for her, how much she must have endured if my father’s health is any indication.” He raked a hand through his hair before dropping his head in his hands, muffling his next words. “Does it make me a bad person that I’m just glad it wasn’t you?”

“It almost was,” I said quietly, unable to meet his eyes as he whipped his head up to look at me.

“No…”

“It’s fine, nothing happened. I was young and terrified and not in control of my power...I set myself on fire and burned his hand. He never tried again after that.”

“It’s not fine but thank you for telling me. I’m sorry you had to experience that.” He stood and pulled me into a hug which finally helped me relax. I hadn’t even realised quite how tense I’d been during that meeting but now, wrapped in Nikolai’s arms, everything felt okay again.

Hours later the halls were quiet as I made my way back to the war room to meet Nikolai. I felt like a teenager sneaking out while their parents slept to meet a lover no one would approve of, and I suppose that wasn’t far from the truth. It was unlikely Ravka would accept its King being with a relative commoner, even if that commoner was a powerful Grisha like me, well unless that common-born Grisha was also a Saint. It was something that always occupied a corner of my mind - what would happen to our relationship when this war was finally over. Nikolai claimed not to care, that if he wanted to be with me then no-one was going to stop him, but he loved our country too much to do anything that might cause any more problems. That was exactly why we hadn’t told anyone.

“If you think any harder you're going to give yourself a headache.” Nikolai’s voice startled me out of my head and I looked up to see him leaning casually in the doorway. “You don’t look happy, what’s on your mind?”

I shrugged and hoped that would be the end of it but was clearly all out of luck today as Nikolai frowned, seeing right through me. There were, occasionally, downsides to having someone know you better than you sometimes know yourself. He closed and locked the door before crossing the room and taking a seat, gently pulling me down onto his lap in the process and wrapping his arms around me.

“What is it? Are you worrying about the future again?” I nodded. It would be pointless to lie, the fact that he’d brought it up at all meant he already knew. “We’ll find a way, I promise. Whatever happens, I’m not going to stop loving you. This country and this war has taken so much already and I’m not going to let it take you away from me. You’ve been the fire that’s lit up even my darkest days and, call me selfish but I don't particularly want to part with that. Maybe that’s what Ravka needs after all this is over anyway, a little bit of light. Maybe they need you, even if they don’t know it yet.”

“How do you always manage to be so optimistic about all this?”

“Because if I wasn’t then we’d have two pessimists running this place and that would be a disaster.”

“Not a pessimist, just practical,” I mumbled.

“I know, I know. It’s pretty simple really though; I simply refuse to entertain the notion of not being with you. I don’t care what it takes, I’m not letting anything take this away from either of us.”

“But-”

“Uh-uh, no buts. Stop worrying about this, at least for now, we’re a long way from needing to think seriously about it and you already worry far too much.”

“Nikolai, we’re at war, of course I’m worried about everything, I’d be insane not to be.”

“Yes but I’m basically King now so those should be my worries not yours. Right now all you need to concern yourself is kissing me and letting me take care of you.” His voice got distinctly lower and huskier on that last point and it sent a shiver down my spine.

“Is that a King’s command or a lover’s request?” I just about managed to keep my composure long enough to get that out even though Nikolai’s breath on my neck and wandering hands were doing a very good job of crumbling it.

“Does it matter? I think we both know you’re not going to refuse either way.” And damn him, he was right. I’d been waiting for and craving this all day, desperate for it after having been apart for weeks, I had no intention of doing anything else.

When our lips met the whole world melted away. The war, the future, the Darkling, Ravka, none of it mattered at all. All that existed for me was Nikolai and the love I had for him.

We stayed there for hours. Sometimes kissing, sometimes just talking, a few times doing things that would have my cheeks burning every time we had to have an actual meeting, but mostly just taking advantage of every moment we had alone. We’d told everyone we were studying Morozova’s journals and we actually did for a while, eventually falling asleep hand-in-hand on top of piles of books that would repay us with sore necks in the morning. It was the worst night’s sleep I’d had in a while and everyone could tell the next morning but I couldn’t bring myself to be bothered by it when the wake up I’d received was so wonderful. All was forgotten anyway when we stepped out into the chilly morning air and watched Alina chop the top off a mountain.

I spent most of the day keeping the Spinning Wheel running smoothly, like usual, and arranging Sergei’s transportation to Duva. I couldn’t say I was sorry to see him go after the trouble he’d caused revealing Genya’s identity. I still hadn’t decided whether it was a good idea to tell Nikolai I’d known or not. I’d been tempted to say something as soon as I’d seen her but for some reason hadn’t. It didn’t really matter now anyway. What was done was done and if I had to think about it all anymore I was going to end up with a permanent headache.

It was getting late and I’d just finished overseeing the Ibis’s departure when I was dragged off into a hallway that led to nowhere and pressed up against a wall, a hand covering my mouth to muffle my noise of surprise. The hand moved away but before I could say a word soft lips were on my own. My brain finally kicked back in after the initial surprise and I registered the person’s height, their familiar scent, the hard lines of their body which I had become very well-acquainted with. Still I pulled away for a moment, if only to tease him.

“What? Do I not even get a ‘hi, how was your day?’ before you take me up against the nearest wall?”

“I would have gotten to it eventually,” Nikolai huffed. “Besides, can you blame me? I've barely seen you today and you look positively sinful in those new trousers. Very well-fitted.” And as if he simply couldn’t help himself, Nikolai’s hands slid from my waist to settle firmly against my ass, pressing our hips closer in the process. A startled moan slipped out of me at the sensation and Nikolai grinned triumphantly. “Does that mean I get to continue?”

“It might have if you didn’t insist on being so smug about it.” He pouted childishly and I couldn’t help chuckling at how cute he managed to look. “How’s this; we go get dinner because I’m starving and if you behave yourself maybe I’ll let you have dessert later?” His pout spread into a pleased smile and he kissed me once - hard and full of promises I would most definitely hold him to, twice - softer but playful and teasing, three times - gentle, lingering, and full of love, before pulling away.

“Let’s get dinner then shall we?”

As it happened, Nikolai did behave himself and I was left exhausted but beyond satisfied by the early hours of the morning. After several minutes of laying tucked into Nikolai’s side with his fingers tracing patterns on my waist as we tried to catch our breath, I shifted and sat up, searching around for something to put on. My eyes caught on white fabric at the end of Nikolai’s bed and I crawled over to it, pulling on what turned out to be Nikolai’s shirt rather than my own before I stood to find some pants. Groans of protest and more followed me from where Nikolai still refused to move.

“What are you doing (Y/N)?” He asked as I finally located my underwear and the tight trousers that had got me here in the first place. I pulled them on quickly as Nikolai turned and propped himself up on one arm. He looked positively divine, hair a mess and skin glowing beneath a thin layer of sweat, like temptation personified. My movements faltered for a moment as I briefly considered hopping right back into bed with him and letting him kiss me senseless as he seemed to enjoy doing so much, and maybe let him do a bit more than that all over again. But I couldn’t, we both had work to do and Morozova’s journals weren’t going to read themselves.

“Getting dressed, what does it look like?” I finally answered before starting the search for my own shirt.

“I can see that, but why?”

“Because I’m not going to sit and study those saints forsaken journals completely naked.”

“I think you should, it would make the experience far more enjoyable, for me anyway. It’s late though, why don't we just sleep? It is the sensible thing to do at this hour.” It was a feeble protest and Nikolai did finally pull himself out of bed and start getting dressed as well, totally aware of just how important it was to try and find anything useful in the quest for the firebird.

“Unfortunately we can't and it’s entirely your fault.”

“How so, darling?”

“You’re the one who decided to spend hours doing something else.”

“I don’t recall hearing any complaints from you,” he teased, pulling out a fresh shirt as it became apparent mine had vanished completely and he wouldn’t be getting the one I currently wore back.

“No,” I stepped up to him with a grin and pressed a quick kiss to his lips, “no complaints here at all.”

About 5 minutes into attempting to make some sort of sense of Morozova’s scrawl I managed to fall asleep. It was hardly surprising really, it had been a long day and I hadn’t exactly got a lot of sleep the night before. I stirred a little while later as I felt a pair of strong arms lift me from Nikolai’s armchair and proceed to carry me down the hall to my own room. I snuggled deeper into Nikolai’s warmth and turned my head slightly to press my lips to his neck, not caring that anyone could see through my sleepy haze.

I mumbled what was supposed to be a ‘what are you doing?’ but came out more as a string of mostly indecipherable noises against his skin and flicked my bleary eyes up to meet his. They were soft and sparkling in the faint glow of the lamps lining the hall and I could feel myself getting lost in them. A yawn broke the little trance and I couldn’t force my eyes back open when it ended, instead opting to settle more comfortably in Nikolai’s arms.

“It’s almost 3 so I’m taking you to bed.”

“Wha...‘bout...journals?”

“I’ll finish looking through them on my own, you need to sleep.”

“...shou...help.”

“Not tonight.” He reached the door to my room and a soldier who happened to be wandering past opened it for us, Nikolai thanking her quietly before slipping inside. He set me gently on the bed, pulling off my trousers so I wouldn’t be uncomfortable before tucking the blankets over me and pressing his lips softly against my forehead.

“Good night (Y/N),” he whispered against my skin.

“-love you.” I slipped back into the realm of sleep just as the words left my lips and missed Nikolai say it back but I knew he did anyway, he always did.

A loud, insistent knocking woke me the next morning and I reluctantly dragged myself out of the comfort of my bed to answer it. It took me a moment to adjust my tired eyes to the morning light and register exactly who was there but finally I recognised Tamar waiting semi-patiently in the doorway.

“Hi?” I said, confused by her presence as my mind had still yet to fully wake up.

“Did I wake you? We’re all waiting for you in the war room.”

“Huh?” That cleared nothing up.

“To plan our trip to find the firebird? Alina and Nikolai want you there, remember?” Oh. Oh.

“Shit.” Well at least I was awake now. “Okay, give me 2 minutes.” I pushed the door to but didn’t bother shutting it properly as I pulled on my trousers from yesterday and quickly changed my shirt. A brush did little to help the mess that was my hair and I was pretty sure I probably didn’t smell great after last night but there was nothing that could be done about it now. I didn’t think they’d appreciate putting off the meeting so I could have a bath.

“Alright, sorry, let’s go.”

“Don’t worry about it. I take it you had a good night then?” Tamar’s smile told me exactly what she was getting at even if I hadn’t guessed from her words.

“What gives you that idea?”

“Well you obviously haven’t slept much and you answered the door in just your underwear and a shirt that clearly wasn’t yours. Also, and don’t be offended, but you kind of smell like you spent most of the night in someone else’s bed.”

“Saints, it was that obvious?” She nodded. “Do you think everyone else will be able to tell?”

“I’d say there’s a definite possibility. No one’s going to judge you for it though, I just want to know who the lucky guy was.”

“I’m not telling.”

“Fine, keep your secrets.” She smirked. “Was it good though?” I couldn’t help smiling myself as I remembered the previous night. This was nice too, to be able to talk to a friend about it, something normal for once.

“It was very good,” I said as we finally reached the war room. As Tamar had suspected, everyone could tell why I’d overslept the second I entered the room and I was treated to 4 knowing smirks, none more pleased than Nikolai himself. I shot him a glare when everyone moved their attention from me but he simply grinned wider and winked before turning back to the others to start planning.

It was past noon when we were finally done and I couldn’t wait to go and take my long, hot bath, but there was still one more thing I needed to discuss with Nikolai first.

“You should give Alina the ring,” I blurted once everyone else had left for lunch. Nikolai sighed and leaned against his desk, regarding me for a moment before responding.

“Why?”

“Because you know how this has to end. You can deny it to yourself and to me as much as you like but you know the truth as well as I. The alliance, her power, you’re both beloved to the people so they’d accept her as Queen and it would put potential allies minds at ease.”

“But it doesn’t have to end with me marrying Alina, it never has.”

“Stop being stubborn! I hate it as much as you do but making sacrifices is part of our job.”

“No. Not this. I won't sacrifice this. I've told you a hundred times we will find another way.” I could see his frustration growing and he was gripping the edge of his desk so hard I was worried it was going to break. 3 steps brought me before him and I reached out to cup his face, stroking my thumbs softly over his cheeks.

“Nikolai, we're running out of time and we're running out of options. We need the alliance with West Ravka, if you and Alina are together, it just might convince them.” He turned his face and kissed my palm before wrapping me in his arms and pulling me close.

“I hate it when you're right. Alright, I'll give her the ring but that doesn't mean I have to marry her. It can just be for show."

“So, so stubborn.” I shook my head at him but couldn't help my smile. “That's good enough for now but this conversation isn't over. You'll see sense.”

“Nothing's going to change you know.”

“I guess we'll see.”

Tamar didn't make it far after the meeting before realising she'd left behind some of the plans she meant to double check. She quickly turned back and reentered the war room just as Nikolai and (Y/N) were pulling out of a hug. The looks on their faces said that whatever conversation they'd been having or about to have was important but something neither really wanted to discuss.

"Sorry, did I interrupt?" She asked as she hovered uncertainty in the doorway.

"No, I was just about to go actually," (Y/N) replied, sounding ever so slightly flustered. "I'll see you at dinner," she said to Nikolai before hurrying out of the room, presumably to eat or bathe.

"Did you need something?" Nikolai asked.

"No, I left some stuff behind, Mal and I were going to go over the plans a couple more times to make sure everything's good." She grabbed the papers in question and headed back towards the door but paused before leaving as an idea came to mind. "Say, you wouldn't happen to know anything about (Y/N)'s love life would you? She was very secretive about it and it's got me curious."

"I might know a thing or two," he replied, that unbearably smug grin spreading across his face.

"Could I convince you to tell me? Maybe start with who it is?"

"Ah, I'm afraid I can't tell you that."

"Why not? You don't know?"

"I know the guy, very well actually, but I'm slightly frightened of the prospect of her setting me on fire if I tell." After seeing (Y/N) in action on several occasions, Tamar could understand that particular fear. "What I can tell you though is that they've been together a long time and he loves her more than anything. He's told me there's no other girl for him and he wants to be with her forever."

"Sounds like a romantic. Why is it so secret then, and why hasn't he proposed yet?”

“There’s some...potential issues with that, a lot of people might not approve. He doesn’t care but (Y/N)'s worried about it."

"That's ridiculous."

"I know, she's always put everything before her own happiness though and she cares too much about what it could mean for him."

"Damn. He should do it anyway. (Y/N)'s amazing, he's a lucky man."

"He sure is." Nikolai had a wistful smile as he said that and Tamar furrowed her brow in confusion but decided not to question it.

"Well, I should get going, I can hear food calling me."

"Of course. I need to talk to Alina anyway. Enjoy your lunch."

"Thanks, enjoy...whatever you spend your time doing." And Tamar left.

I watched Nikolai and Alina from the mess hall while I ate a quick lunch, my hunger having won out over my need of a bath. I saw her shock as Nikolai handed her the admittedly impressive ring and watched as later she attempted to return it to him. Too stubborn, the both of them. I sighed and rose to seek the out the peace of the baths, at least there I could escape from stubborn leaders and needy soldiers for a while.

After dinner Genya and Tamar invited me back to the girls room to hang out with them for a while. I figured Tamar was probably after more details about last night but i was more than happy to come along anyway. Not long after we arrived, Alina knocked on the door and brought us back to her room. The clothes Nikolai had picked out for her covering almost every inch of space. The girls had a great time picking out dresses for a bit before Alina brought up the ring.

“There's something else,” she said and set it on the table. The girls looked at it in shock and awe, Genya finally asking what everyone was thinking.

“Did he propose?”

“Not exactly,” Alina admitted. I sighed and threw my head back against the seat I'd been leaning on. I'd hoped he might just do it after our talk but apparently not. She turned to me at the movement, a brow raised. “You knew, didn't you?”

“I did. He was supposed to propose properly.”

“Why didn't he then?” Tamar asked.

“I have no idea.” I hoped they couldn't see through my lie.

“Will you say yes?” Zoya questioned as she set down the ring.

“He didn't actually propose.”

“But if what (Y/N) says is true, then he will.”

“Maybe. I don't know.” I couldn't help being slightly pleased at that. I may have been the one insisting this was how it had to be but it didn't mean I had to like it. Zoya snorted and told Alina she'd never hated her more, getting what I suspected was a much-needed laugh from the girl.

“It would be something special,” said Tamar, “to have a Grisha on the throne.” She glanced over at me briefly and I froze, she must have figured it out somehow, or at least be suspicious.

“She's right,” added Genya. “To be the ones to rule instead of just to serve.” They all wanted a Grisha Queen and I couldn't disagree. A Grisha on the throne, it really would be amazing, and if I could get Nikolai and Alina to stop being so stubborn, maybe it could happen.

I'd been in my head for too long and didn't notice the girls joking around with a very revealing lacy dress until Tamar addressed me directly.

“Maybe (Y/N) should take it, I'm sure her man would love to see her in it.” There was a glint in her eye that said I was definitely not getting out without giving her the information she wanted. She was right about the dress though, Nikolai would love it.

“Oooh, and Who might that be?” Zoya asked and all the girls were suddenly very interested in me.

“He will remain nameless.”

“That's no fun,” Nadia frowned at me.

“So that's why you looked like you hadn't slept a wink this morning,” Genya grinned and I felt my cheeks burning.

“I thought you'd said you and Nikolai were going to look through Morozova’s journals last night.” Alina looked mock betrayed at my ‘lack of commitment’ but her smile told me she didn't care much.

“I did that too!” I protested.

“Must have been a very long night then.”

“It was sooo I should probably go and get some sleep.” I stood and started to make my escape.

“Run away all you like, we will be getting those details out of you sooner or later.” Genya called after me.

“Don’t hold your breath,” I yelled back.

“Okay, who’s helping me figure out who (Y/N)’s dating?” Genya asked after (Y/N) had made her escape. Nadia, Tamar, and Alina volunteered immediately, all of them intrigued by the girl’s unusual secretiveness. Only Zoya didn’t.

“Don’t get me wrong, I want to know too, but I’m not willing to put the effort in myself. Let me know when you figure it out."

"We should ask Nikolai," Nadia suggested. "They're so close, he's bound to know something."

"Way ahead of you. I asked him this morning but he won't tell."

"What about some of his rogue Grisha? Or the soldiers?"

"You're a genius. Nikolai said they've been together for a while so there's no way someone around here hasn't noticed something." Tamar pulled Nadia into a kiss that had everyone averting their eyes until it was over. "I'm going to ask around, anyone want to help?"

"Count me in," Genya said and Nadia nodded her agreement.

"Alright, let's go." They said goodbye to Alina and Zoya and left.

"So who do we ask?" Nadia questioned as they scanned the Spinning Wheel for anyone who looked like they could know something.

"Nikolai said to talk to someone called Nevsky if we ever needed anything? He sounds like a good bet." Genya said.

"Let's try him first then." Tamar wandered over to the closest soldier. "Hi, we're looking for Nevsky, you wouldn't happen to know where he is, would you?"

"You're in luck," the soldier said and pointed over to the mess hall. "Busy day so it's a late dinner for him. He's the one in the blue coat."

"Thank you." She gestured to the others to follow her over to where Nevsky sat with a couple of guards and Grisha.

"Ah, Tamar, Genya, and Nadia is it? What can I do for you?"

"We've got a few questions we think you might be able to help with. You practically run this place when Nikolai and (Y/N) aren't around right?"

"I do."

"So you know almost everything that goes on around here."

"I suppose so."

"Great," Genya was beaming, "so who's (Y/N) hooking up with?" Nevsky almost choked on his mouthful of food, clearly not expecting that.

"I...uh...don't know actually. I wasn't aware she was with anyone. The only person I see her with with any frequency is Nikolai but I doubt it's him, they broke up a few years ago."

"Wait, (Y/N) and Nikolai were together!?" Tamar asked in shock. Nadia, Genya, and a few of the others at the table seemed just as surprised by this information but Nevsky just nodded as if everything was completely normal. "That girl is really good at keeping secrets."

"You can ask around the soldiers," Nevsky suggested. "They're always gossiping so they could know something that might help but I've got nothing, sorry."

"Thanks for the tip." The girls stood and left Nevsky to his dinner, splitting up to question whoever else they could find. Unfortunately, no one seemed to know anything though the one guard who got fidgety when Tamar asked her definitely knew more than she was letting on.

"I'm calling it," said Genya when the three met back up. "We're not getting anywhere with this."

"You're right. Either no one knows or they're all very good liars. We're not going to get the answers we want," Nadia agreed. "I think it's time we give up and go to bed."

Tamar still had a suspicion that at least one of the soldiers knew something but it was getting later and later and she had to agree that sleep was starting to sound very good. She said goodnight and kissed Nadia goodbye before heading back to her own room, mind still trying to figure out the mystery.

"You," I pointed an accusing finger at Nikolai as I barged into his room, "are so going to pay for-" the threat died on my lips as I caught sight of him. He'd just bathed and still had water dripping from his hair and running down his chest. I watched one droplet intently as it slid down his toned stomach and disappeared beneath the towel wrapped around his waist. All these years and still I wasn't used to this, to him.

"For what?" He raised an eyebrow. "Something the matter?"

"No, I mean yes." I shook my head to clear my thoughts. "Thanks to you everyone knows I have a secret relationship and they won't stop asking about it."

"Do you want me to be sorry for everything I did last night?" He asked, his smirk telling me he already knew my answer.

"...No. You could be sorry for acting so smug about it though."

"I could...but where's the fun in that?"

"You're unbearable."

"Unbearably handsome?" He winked and walked over to shut the door I'd left open in my surprise.

"Just unbearable."

"I'm hurt." He stepped up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist, hands sneaking under the hem of my shirt. Pressed flush against my back he was doing a good job of overwhelming my senses as he leaned in to brush his lips over my neck. "Now, did you come here just to tell me off or is there something else you'd like from me?" The sultry tone in his voice sent heat rushing through me and I groaned, part from his insinuation and part out of irritation at my scolding being derailed.

"Must you insist on distracting me from why I came to talk to you?"

"Did you come to come to try and convince me to be sensible and propose to Alina?"

"Among other things, yes."

"Then I will insist. Personally, I think you could use some distraction anyway but I can stop if you'd like?" He didn't though, just kept leaving teasing kisses up the length of my throat.

"No," I sighed. "You're right. Distract me, please."

"It would be my pleasure, darling." And mine it would seem.

I fell asleep soon after, trusting that one night without returning to my own room would do no harm. Sleeping in Nikolai's arms wasn't a luxury I could indulge in often and rational thought was no match for how much I wanted it.

Of course it was just our luck that someone would come knocking in the middle of the night.

"Nikolai, sorry to wake you but this is urgent." Tamar said after Nikolai had thrown on some clothes and answered the door.

"What's wrong?"

"I'll let Alina explain. Meet us in the galley as soon as you're ready, I'll go fetch (Y/N)..." Her brows rose as I shifted in Nikolai's bed and she realised I was there. "Oh...she's here?"

I could see the cogs turning in her head and just hoped Nikolai thought of a good reason. Saints knows I was too tired to.

"Yes, we had some things to discuss and she fell asleep here so I let her stay." Well it was as good an excuse as any.

"...Okay. Well that makes my job easier. Don't be long, Alina and David are getting antsy."

"We'll be right up." Tamar nodded and left though not before eyeing me suspiciously once more.

"For saints sake, can I get just one good night's sleep?" I groaned.

"Apparently not. Isn't leadership fun?" Nikolai tossed me my shirt from where it had been left on his armchair and I realised that most of my clothes had been left strewn around the room. Hopefully Tamar hadn't noticed.

"No. I hate it."

"That's the spirit. Come on, we better not keep them waiting.

Tamar kept quiet throughout most of their meeting, her focus and curiosity on the Prince and his sleepy right hand. She hadn't failed to notice the clothes that had been haphazardly discarded around Nikolai's room when she'd come to get him or that some of them didn't appear to be his, and was almost certain by now that he and (Y/N) were together. It would explain a lot, especially the secrecy.

Alina had barely finished explaining what they'd discovered before (Y/N) began drifting off, casually leaning her head on Nikolai's shoulder. He didn't even seem to notice, carrying on with the conversation and strategizing as if it happened every day. For all she knew, it did.

When he moved to pour himself another cup of tea the movement dislodged the girl and she ended up laying with her head cushioned in Nikolai's lap, only the faintest grumbling indicating that she'd noticed at all. She was unconscious again in minutes. Again Nikolai paid the situation and contact no mind but occasionally ran a gentle hand through her hair. That about did it for Tamar. They were definitely more than friends. It wasn't what she'd expected but she the more she thought about it, the more she realised they were pretty much perfect for each other. And she couldn't deny they were cute, not with the proof of that sitting right in front of her.

Satisfied that the mystery was solved she diverted her full attention back to the matter at hand.

They planned for the rest of the night, through the small hours of the morning and into a new dawn. Tamar was exhausted by the time they’d finished but it was straight back to work for her and everyone else. The only one who seemed to have any energy left was (Y/N) as Nikolai had allowed her to sleep through the whole thing. She might have resented her for it a bit if the girl hadn’t looked in sore need of sleep for days.

As Nikolai left to write letters, (Y/N) to oversee preparations for the Kingfisher’s arrival and departure, and Alina to see Baghra, Tamar headed back to her shared room to take a nap. Saints knows she needed it. She might have slept all the way through lunch if Tolya hadn’t woken her coming to take his own nap.

“It’s Nikolai,” she said, not bothering to greet her friends as she joined them in the mess hall.

“What?” Alina furrowed her brow, confused by Tamar’s abruptness.

“The person (Y/N)’s been seeing, it’s Nikolai.”

“If you don’t mind me asking, have you lost your mind?” Zoya asked, clearly not believing it. Looking at the faces of the others, she wasn’t alone.

“He literally proposed to Alina yesterday, why on Earth do you think it’s him?” Genya questioned. Alina was frowning as if thinking it through and her face was beginning to show signs of understanding.

“If you recall, he didn’t actually propose to me,” she said slowly. “Just... gave me the ring.”

“But that was as good as a proposal and (Y/N) said it herself. He was going to propose.” Zoya pointed out.

“But he didn’t, and that would explain why.”

“I have to admit, it seemed more like it was an obligation than something he chose.” Alina paused and looked to Tamar. “It’s not much evidence though, I assume you’re going on more than that?”

“Oh I definitely am.”

“Alright then, tell us.”

And so Tamar explained everything that had led her to her conclusion. The fact that they were far too good friends, especially for two people who had a romantic past, the hug and flustered (Y/N) she’d walked in on in the war room, the silent conversations they’d had when Genya had confronted the King. How she’d found (Y/N) the morning after Sergei had left, the fact that she was supposedly studying with Nikolai the night before, the wistfulness in Nikolai’s voice when he’d told her about why there’d been no proposal. She revealed how just last night (Y/N) had been sleeping in Nikolai’s bed, the female clothes she’d seen tossed haphazardly around the room, how tender she’d noticed him being while (Y/N) slept through their meeting.

“And to top it all off, no one around here - and bear in mind that these are the people who spend every day with her - can think of anyone they see her spend any time with. Except Nikolai.”

“Saints, I think you’re right,” Alina breathed out once Tamar had finished talking. Nadia, Genya, and Zoya were all staring dumbfounded at the revelation but were clearly all starting to accept that it was true.

“It all makes so much sense, how did none of us notice anything though?” Genya asked. “And why did he give Alina the ring if he’s in love with (Y/N)?” They all thought for a moment.

“Alina, didn’t you say it seemed more like something he had to do than something he wanted to?” Tamar asked and Alina nodded. “Then I think I might know why. (Y/N) knew he was meant to propose and she was definitely lying when she said she didn’t know why he hadn’t right? Well I was talking to Nikolai and he said that whoever she was with hadn’t proposed, even though he wants to, because (Y/N) was worried a lot of people wouldn’t approve of them together, because of her. She puts everyone first and I think she told Nikolai to propose to you because tactically and politically it’s a smart move even if it hurts her and isn’t what he wants.”

“Well I’m going to have to do something about that,” Alina said after a moment. “They deserve to be happy and I’ve always hoped that if I married, I’d marry for love anyway. It wouldn’t be love for me with Nikolai.”

“You’re far more noble than I,” Zoya smirked. “Sod true love, I’ll take the ring and the handsome prince that comes with it.” They all stared at her for a moment. It was a very Zoya thing to say but even she loved (Y/N) so they were all a little surprised. “I’m kidding, I wouldn’t be as courteous if was any of you though.” That was more like it.

“So you’re going to give him the ring back then?” Genya finally asked.

“I am. I just hope (Y/N)’s got a strong wrist. This thing is huge and I expect to see her wearing it very soon.”

It was evening when I awoke from the nap I’d decided to take not long after lunch. After several nights of almost no sleep I desperately needed it but I also needed to talk to Nikolai after he’d interrupted me last night. I found him in the war room writing yet more letters.

“What can I do for you, my dear?” He asked after I shut the door behind me, not looking up from whatever he was writing.

“We need to talk about Alina and the ring again.” He sighed and finally stopped writing.

“We’ve been over this…”

“You need to do it, properly this time. We need the strength of that alliance more than ever now, especially after what Alina told us last night.” I had to fight to keep my voice steady as I felt my heart breaking in my chest. Despite what I’d been saying and how much I’d been pushing for him to do what needed to be done, I’d harboured a tiny shred of hope that Nikolai really would find another option but our time was up, nothing was coming to save us from this fate and now we had to face it and do what needed to be done.

“(Y/N) I…”

“It’s okay, it’s what we signed up for. I’m thankful for the time we had but now we have to do our duty.” Tears threatened to fall and I took a steadying breath. They would only make this needlessly harder. “Do it tonight,” I said before heading for the door where I paused. “I love you Nikolai, and I think I always will. Don’t ever forget that.” And before he had a chance to respond, I left.

I contemplated hiding out in my room for the night and crying but there was no use in it now. Instead I made my way up to the Spinning Wheel, just as a flash of light crossed the sky. Then another. And another. A meteor shower. I itched to get Nikolai so we could watch it together as we had many times before but I couldn’t and that’s when it really hit me. Everything I’d taken for granted for so long now was gone and I had to adjust to life without Nikolai by my side at every step.

I let the tears fall down my cheeks as I watched more and more lights streak through the sky. It was as if the sky wept with me. Mourned for the love that was sacrificed tonight. I walked outside onto one of the terraces, not bothering to pick up a coat, and looked to the sky. There, alone in the dark, with nothing but the stars for company and my flames to keep we warm, I let myself crumble and when at last I was done I picked up the pieces and tried to put myself back together again. There were bits missing where Nikolai used to be but I rebuilt enough that when he came to join me he found a person rather the fragments of one.

Alina felt her jaw drop as she and Nikolai entered the Spinning Wheel and she caught sight of the stars falling around her.

“Meteor shower,” Nikolai supplied as he walked her through the crowds of of people watching the skies from the floor.

“It’s beautiful,” she breathed out.

“I told you I had a lot of money.”

“So you arrange celestial events now?”

“As a sideline.” They stood and watched the stars for a moment before Nikolai led her off to one side where there was a little more privacy. He was tense and Alina knew he didn’t want to do whatever he was going to.

“Alina, on the very slim chance that we survive the next few weeks, I’m going to ask you to be my wife.” He stared straight ahead as he said it and Alina didn’t look at him either. She’d suspected this was coming but it was harder than she’d thought it would be. The strain he couldn’t hide in his voice hurt her to hear, knowing that he wanted something else, someone else, but would sacrifice his happiness for the sake of his country.

“No,” she said quite simply.

“I’m sorry?” He did face her then, clearly not having been expecting such a blunt refusal.

“You don’t have to do this, you know.” He furrowed his brow. “I could lead the Second Army, and you could have pretty much any girl you want.” She gave him a pointed look which he somehow didn’t notice, continuing with the act as if he hadn’t been making it obvious he didn’t want this.

“A Shu princess? A Kerch banker’s daughter? A Ravkan heiress?”

“Or another Grisha like Zoya…”

“Zoya?” He was startled at that.

“Or perhaps…(Y/N)?” He froze, his confident mask dropping, though she wouldn’t have noticed had she not been looking at him.

“Tragically unavailable to the attentions of a prince I’m afraid.”

“Nikolai, you can stop pretending. I know you’re in love with her and I know about your ‘secret’ relationship.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, my dear.”

“Yes. You do.” She pulled the ring out of her pocket and pressed it into his hands. “I won’t accept this ring just as I won’t accept any proposal from you.”

“I told you you could keep it anyway.”

“It’s not mine to keep.” She smiled up at him. “This ring, like this,” she tapped a finger against his chest, right over his heart, “belongs to someone else. She’s an overpowered Grisha too but she’s not me.”

“Alina…”

“Don’t try to argue, I know this is what you want. If we were to marry, none of us would ever truly be happy. You said that maybe in time we could be but we both know that’s not the case. The four of us would spend the rest of our lives longing for a love we couldn’t have and maybe you could live with your own heartache and maybe I could live with mine but neither of us would be able to live with theirs.” She paused and looked him dead in the eye, something fierce burning in her own. “Go to her, give her the ring, marry her when this war ends. Let this love story be one with a happy ending.”

“She’ll tell me not to, that we have to do what’s best for Ravka.”

“Ravka will accept her as queen, they’ll adore her. She’s exactly what the people need. You both are.”

“Thank you.” It was the most sincere he’d ever sounded and she smiled.

“Make her happy, Nikolai.” She lightly shoved him in the direction of the west terrace where to floating balls of flame were flickering, the indicator of a certain overpowered inferni. Nikolai threw one last smile over his shoulder at her before stepping out into the cold and hopefully into a future with the girl he loved.

“Hi,” Nikolai said as he stepped up beside me.

“Hi,” I whispered back. I couldn’t look at him, not without falling apart all over again, so I watched the stars instead.

“It’s a bit cold out to not be wearing a coat, don’t you think?” I let the flames encompassing my hands snake all the way up my arms, their heat comforting rather than burning me just as it always had.

“I think I’ll be okay.” A small smirk managed to find its way onto my face and I was surprised at how easy it actually was to smile like nothing was wrong. I just hoped that in the dark he couldn’t see how my eyes were red-rimmed from crying.

“I don’t doubt that. Somehow you’re always okay.” If only he knew how wrong he was.

“And somehow you always are too.” I nudged his side. It was quiet for a long moment as we watched the sky, neither of us quite sure how this new relationship should work.

“It really is spectacular, isn’t it?” Nikolai finally said.

“It’s beautiful. I’ve never quite managed to get used to it.”

“True beauty never stops taking your breath away, no matter how many times you see it.” I had a feeling he wasn’t talking about the stars anymore but I couldn’t let us wander back down that path no matter how easy it might be or how strong the pull.

“So how come you’re not in there with Alina? I would have thought this was the perfectly romantic time for a proposal.” I didn’t really mean to ask but the words came out anyway and I immediately focused very hard on the falling stars around us, pressing my lips tight together to avoid saying anything more.

“It is. That’s why I'm here." I could feel his eyes on me but i kept mine fixed straight ahead. “(Y/N), Alina won’t marry me and I do not wish to marry her either.�� I sighed and shut my eyes tightly. Why was I the only one around here capable of making sensible decisions?

"Nikolai...we've been over this. It's not about what any of us want, it's about what we have to do."

"No. It's not. I promised you I wouldn't let this war or our country take you away from me and that is a promise I do not intend to break."

"Please don't make this harder than it needs to be."

"You're the one making it harder. I know you only want what's best for Ravka and you think that's Alina but you're wrong. You are what Ravka needs and Alina agrees with me."

"She does?" Again I hadn't meant to ask but a tiny, selfish spark of hope had lit up inside me.

"Yes, and you can't argue with a saint."

"I can try."

"I'd like to see that. I've yet to win an argument against our lovely Alina."

"I have." I smirked.

"And my pride takes yet another blow." He clutched his chest dramatically and I couldn't help but laugh which was rewarded with a smile that made my heart stutter. But then he was serious again.

"(Y/N)," he reached out to brush back some of my hair, letting his hand linger on my cheek as he looked at me like I was his whole world. "I love you, as I've never loved another before and will never love another again. You are everything to me. My strength, my light, my life. I never wish to part from you. I don't know what lies ahead or if we'll even live to see this war end but wherever this path leads there's only one I want walking it beside me. For the rest of my life, there's no one I want to to spend it with but you." He dropped to one knee and pulled the ring from his pocket. I was suddenly finding it incredibly difficult to breathe. Tears gathered in my eyes, blurring my vision as Nikolai took my shaking hands in his.

"You don't have to say yes but my heart is yours as long as it continues beating and there is nothing in this world that would make me happier than you becoming my wife. (Y/N), my love, my life, will you marry me?"

And in the quiet of the night, with only the stars to bear witness, I choked out the words I'd never allowed myself to dream I'd get to say. "Yes, Nikolai...I'll marry you."

Tag Lists: (send an ask if you want to be added!)

Everything: @wonderfilledness

Grishaverse: @thats-so-bucky

#nikolai lantsov #nikolai lantsov x you #nikolai lantsov x reader #nikolai lantsov imagine #nikolai lantsov fanfic #nikolai x reader #Grishaverse #grishaverse fanfic #grishaverse imagine #ruin and rising #reader insert

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jamlally · 4 years

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Reindeer Games

This was written for the 25 days of Christmas Challenge that is hosted by @panicfob . The Day 15 Challenge prompt was Reindeer

Warnings: Fluff

Pairing: Tony Stark x OFC (Belle Porter), Loki

Summary: It can’t be Christmas without a Reindeer

The darkly handsome man that strode across the room had SHIELD Agents scrambling, had Nick Fury pilling a side arm that she hadn’t seen, and had Tony absolutely furious

“You think that I came here for this ….” The way he looked around was somewhat disdainful “party of yours. You think too highly of yourself Stark, on Asguard this party would be put to shame. A mere Childs entertainment, nothing more”.

“Well don’t let me the one to stop you leaving” Tony was tense in a way Belle hadn’t seen before and looking around the room, it seemed that everyone else was as well. It was he thought, understandable as where ever this man went trouble seemed to follow in his footsteps

“Ah the man out of time and his one armed friend. I’’m afraid that I have no desire to stand too close you just now”.

In just seconds Belle watched as Steve and Bucky tried to approach fro behind Loki, only to have the god of mischief simply disappear - the slight breeze by her shoulder gave her a moments pause before she pivoted slowly on her heel

“But this morsel is far more to my taste. You even dressed her in my colors, a gift perhaps?”

“Move away NOW!” Tony’s voice left no room for debate “FRIDAY initiate lockdown”

Things were starting to spiral out of control but Belle didn’t move, there was something about the way the Asguardian looked at her that reminded her of a snake looking for dinner. He sotted there looking all pretty and relaxed, one elbow on the bar, but his eyes were fixed on her in such a way that she had the feeling that one wrong move and he would strike. Squaring her shoulders she gave the man a small tense smile

“I’m afraid that any matching in our outfits tonight is simply a coincidence, but seeing as you are here can I get you a drink Mr Odinson?”

“It’s Laufeyson actually”

“Ah my apologies Mr Laufeyson. So a drink?” Belle may not have met the man before but she had read all about him in the files they held. The one thing she had been able to pull from the files was that he didn’t respond well to aggression

“Hmm that may help pass the time, why don’t you choose something Miss…” He smiled showing slightly too many teeth

“It’s Agent actually - Agent Porter” Belle looked over at the bar tender “Please get Mr Laufeyson a glass of the best Scotch we have” She heard Tony scoff a little but didn’t turn around - her brain was very clear that you didn’t turn your back on the predator in the room

“Oh how disappointing you’re an Agent. I didn’t know that they came as pretty as you. You really waste your time with these people. Someone as pretty as you could happily wait on Kings in Asguards halls”

Belle let out a snort “I think that I will need to pass, as much fun as I am sure it is to wait on Kings I’d much rather spend my time telling Hero’s what to do”

Her response had Loki raising an eyebrow and she was fairy sure she heard Natasha snort.

“Now” she slid the drink over that the bartender had pushed her way “As much as we appreciate the dramatic entrance care to share with the class why you’re here?”

Loki sipped at the drink before taking a larger swallow and gesturing for more “I need to speak with my brother, and for some god awful Eason that only he understands he will insist on coming here and socializing with you mortals”. The disdaining tone was back “He goes ff galavanting promising wonderful new things to celebrate the Yule but thus far he has shown us nothing! “

“You know we have phones you could just have called “ Tony snarked at the God as he wrapped his arm around Belle’s waist, He wasn’t happy that she stood so close to the lunatic

“We don’t have such a reliance on your frail human technology in our halls. Thor should be with his people ensuring the we can have a fruitful spring, not galavanting around with all this sparkle. I don’t even understand what the sparkle is, but it seems to get on everything “ his nose wrinkled and Belle gave a small giggle before resting her hand on Tony’s forearm

“The glitter can be a little frustrating but it does make things shine so beautifully and I think sometimes that we like it because in the dark of the winter, when everything is fallow we look for something to bring us light”

Loki snorted “There is much to be afraid of in the dark, but darkness comes no matter the season Agent Porter. Tricking yourself into believing that the darkness isn’t there doesn’t keep bad things away” he was, she thought, sounding melancholy “You are all so far removed from how life was you forget that the cold is needed to allow the earth time to heal from all it gave over the rest of the year to sustain you, to fill your bellies and give fuel for your fires”

Belle watched as Loki peered into his glass lost in what ever thoughts he had.

“So you celebrate Yule on Asguard then?”

“What, oh yes, there are many grand parties and we give thanks for the good year we have had. It os a very grand thing, We celebrate the season of the land being fallow as it builds its energy. Usually the King would lead the celebrations but he is” Loki gestured widely with is arms “No where to be found, and that is somewhat problematic”

“What’s the matter, not man enough to manage without your brother” Fury was obviously pissed off but antagonizing a God seemed like a bad idea

“Don’t show your lack of vision so readily Director” Loki’s tone was scathing “My brother took on the mantle of King and as such he has duties to perform. I would more than happily taken on the role but it was not mine to have, that has been made more than clear. That is not actually of import. The start of the Yule celebrations requires my brother to be there to symbolize the spark of life that comes after Yule when the land starts to come back to life. He is the only one who can perform the task and yet he isn’t there and the people become restless”

“Forgive me Mr Laufeyson but why does Thor need to be there for that? He is the god of Thunder…. Oh is it because the lightening is the spark?”

Loki laughed “Close but not quite. Yes my brother is God of Thunder but that is not his only title - of course he doesn’t like to shout so much about the other one. My dear brother is also a god of fertility and the strike he brings down brings with it the power for a bountiful year.”

Belle heard the snickers of the others and felt Tony smile his lips hidden against her neck

“Ah I understand. It makes sense then that you would be brothers, two sides of the same coin”

“I am nothing like my brother Agent Porter”

“Maybe not identical but without the pair of you there wouldn’t be life. You are the winters bite and he is the first flash of life”

The hairs on the back of her neck rose as Loki brought all of his attention to her. His eyes were dark and calculating and it seemed that he was assessing her in a new light

“Release the woman Stark. If I wanted to take her from you I would have done so already. Agent Porter come and share a drink with me. Stark see if you can find my brother”

Belle turned and kissed Tony gently leaning in to speak softly in his ear “It’s fine Tony, I will stay here - you see if FRIDAY can track down Thor”

She moved to take the seat next to Loki “Can you please refill Mr Laufeyson’s glass and I’ll have a Peppermint White Russian, thank you” She turned to Loki “So tell me more about your Yule celebrations”

Loki flirted and laughed with Belle and Tony felt his frustration rise. The Asguardian was a perennial pain in his ass and now here he was ruining his plans for the night.

“Care to tell me what the hell is happening “ Fury glared through his one eye at Tony

“Well right now Im trying to track down a large muscled God so that he can take his pain in the ass younger brother home because it turns out the God of Thunder is also the god of babies, who knew, and to add to the joy he’s currently drinking my best scotch with my girl. Merry fucking Christmas to me. Now I am pretty sure you don’t know where Thor is, so why don’t you let me get on with my work while you make sure that your Agents don’t do something stupid that results in people getting hurt”

“Agent Porter isn’t cleared for dealing with threats of Loki’s level”

Tony rolled his eyes in annoyance “Yet here she is dealing with precisely that threat. She deals with God’s, Super soldiers, Spy’s and my ass on a daily basis. Reindeer games doesn’t stand a chance now if we’re done …” Tony walked away “FRIDAY, have the Hawk keep an eye on Fury - I don’t want him causing issues “

Loki was actually a lot of fun to hang out with. Belle made sure to keep the drink following for him, while nursing along her own. The Asguardian was in the middle of telling her a story about the time he had changed into a snake to scare his brother when another booming voice broke the tense peace.

“Brother! What brings you here? Is all well at home?”

Loki rolled his eyes before leading closer to Belle “The man has never been capable of entering a room without making a fuss”.

Belle laughed, It was true you always knew when Thor was in a room

“Things progress as planned, but our people grow nervous that their King is not present. They fear that the Yule rights will not be completed”

“Ah brother they worry for no reason. I have learnt many things while here. I have skated on blades and have partaken in many of the festive activities. My Lady Belle, I thank you for keeping my brother company” Thor reached out and lifted Belle’s hand to his mouth for a kiss

“Of course Thor is was my pleasure. Mr Laufeyson, thank you for your company”. She nodded to the Gods as she stood.

Loki rose to his feet, copying his brother and kissing the back of her hand “Agent Porter, it was a pleasure. Perhaps we will talk again in the future”

“That seems unlikely Reindeer Games. Thor - if you could make sure your brother gets home safely. Agent Porter and I have things to be getting with”. Tony took Belle’s hand and lead her away

“Well that was an unexpected turn of events. Tell me what did you spend nearly 2 hours talking to the God of mischief about?”

“I’d like to know the answer to that too” Fury broke in heading over to the couple

“We spoke about the traditions on Asguard and Loki told me stories from when he and Thor grew up. It was actually very entertaining, you know I think he was lonely”

“Lonely?” Fury scoffed at the idea

“Yes lonely. He feels out of place and when his brother isn’t there I think as much as they don’t get on he misses him. If he meant to cause trouble then he could have done so without any problem. He didn’t through - he just wanted to talk and spend time with someone”

Tony looked back at the brothers who both seemed pleased to be with each other. Maybe Belle was right. He knew that at his lowest people would have called him an asshole and he would have deserved it, was Loki in the same boat.

“Well I suppose it wouldn’t be Christmas without reindeer, now you and I have a plan to enact my lady and I think you’ve had your drink so now we can move onto other things”

Belle laughed, head thrown back as Tony pulled her from the room.

#panic's 25 days of christmas #christmas #oneshot

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buckychristwrites · 6 years

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Take Me Higher | OS | b.b.

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Summary: Who knew that the way into the big broody super soldier’s heart was through his unmet need for a good cuddle?

Word Count: 9.5k

Warnings: disgustingly fluffy

A/N: Pure fluff with a side of touch starved Bucky? No one asked for it but here it the fuck is! The song this is based on is Tear In My Heart by Twenty One Pilots! Let me know what you think! :)

Masterlist | Tags List Form

Sometimes you gotta bleed to know

That you’re alive and have a soul

Three in the morning.

It was three in the morning and Bucky hadn’t slept a wink.

A breeze was coming in through the motel room window he cracked open, waving the ugly sage green curtains back and forth. The door was a bright sky blue, matching the color of the logo on the neon sign out front. As Bucky laid in the queen bed covered by the beige comforter, and looked around, he wondered if the interior designer they hired was blind. Even he felt he would’ve done a better job, and he could barely match his clothes.

The mission had been long. Taking out weapons dealers in a small town in Ohio didn’t sound rough on paper, but none of them were prepared for the involvement of HYDRA, who turned out to be the ones being dealt the weapons. Hours of fighting commenced until finally the Avengers were able to take them down. Everyone was so tired that they decided to stop for the night and then head home in the morning. While the Quinjet could get them back in a few hours, no one had the energy to spend that long amount of time in such close quarters.

Despite not getting injured, Bucky was sore from being knocked round. The warm shower he had taken just an hour before helped only minimally, but now it was the cool evening air blowing against his bare torso that was making him feel better. All that was running through his mind was being in his own bed. The hotel bed was comfortable enough, but he preferred his firm mattress. Sam had once mentioned that he preferred a firm mattress because of his time in the war, and Bucky had to agree.

He stared at the ceiling, lost in thought. Missions didn’t usually tire him like this, but HYDRA missions always took their toll. It was hard not to be brought back to the years he spent with them, watching the horror he committed through his own eyes without being able to do a thing to stop it. It didn’t affect him the way that it used to, but it still left him with deep emotional and physical exhaustion. Yet, despite that, he was unable to fall asleep no matter how long he laid there. It was quite the oxymoron, being so tired that one can’t sleep.

A loud knock at the door startled Bucky, almost making him fall out of the bed. He looked at the clock to make sure he didn’t fall asleep without knowing it, and was slightly relieved and yet confused when it read ten after three in the morning. He stared at the door, a few moments passing before three more knocks echoed through the room. Who would be knocking at this hour? Was it a threat? He highly doubted it, but his mind always went there first. As he stood up off the bed, slowly making his way towards the door, he told himself it was more than likely another member of the team. Sometimes Steve or Tony would check in on him at weird hours, they always somehow knew that he wasn’t sleeping. But none of these reminders calmed his nerves. Peeking through the peephole, he let out a relieved breath before throwing the door open, revealing you on the other side.

“Guess what dumbass thing I just did,” You said with a sheepish smile on your face. Your arms were tightly hugging your torso, and you were shifting back and forth from the tips of your toes to the balls of your feet. Bucky noted your oversized tee shirt and socked feet. For a second, he thought you were pantless until you went up on your tiptoes again and he saw the bottoms of your shorts. The question deep in his mind was how you could be outside in that outfit when it was a cold autumn evening, but he wasn’t about to actually ask.

“What did you do?” He asked, humoring you. It was hard not to with the dorky smile you were giving him. You sighed sharply before dropping your hands to your sides.

“So. Couldn’t sleep, right?” You began. He nodded. “Decide to find the vending machines. So I walk around for awhile before I realize I left my wallet in the room. No big deal. Head back to my room, only to remember as soon as I get there.” You paused, dropping your head to the side and looking at him in annoyance. “My room card is in my wallet.” Your head fell back and you stared up at the awning above your head. A gust of wind blew your shirt to the side, and you shivered as you held it down. “I could go down to the lobby to get a new one but it’s such a long walk and I’m freezing. Can I please crash in your room?”

He turned around and looked around the small room. The only other piece of furniture in the room was the one arm chair near the window, but it wasn’t big enough for either of you to sleep in. On one hand, he wasn’t sure where else he would sleep besides the floor if he was going to give you the bed, and with how sore he was, that just didn’t sound ideal. But on the other, there was no way he wasn’t going to let you sleep there. As he turned back towards you, he noticed how violently your body was shaking in the cold, and immediately took a step to the side.

“Of course, get in here,” He insisted, closing the door as soon as you crossed the threshold of the room. Almost immediately, you collapsed onto the right side of the bed, throwing the blankets over yourself. Bucky watched you, the conundrum of where he would sleep still very much alive. Once you stilled in the bed, your eyes found him again.

“What’s wrong?” You asked him.

“Just trying to figure out where I’m gonna sleep,” He mumbled, not returning your gaze as he looked around the room, deep in thought. Maybe the bathtub? He’d just need a pillow and maybe a blanket. There was a spare in the closet. And how many pillows did you need? More than likely you wouldn’t have an issue with letting him use one. Would the floor of the tub still be wet?

“Do I smell or something?” You asked, sounding hurt. He looked back at you to find a look of confusion on your face. “There’s a whole other side of the bed, Bucky. You can definitely sleep here.” His cheeks must have gone red once they started burning, as you huffed and shook your head. “It’s just one night. I’ll stay close to the edge so I won’t bother you. I know you probably don’t like being touched.”

It was only partially true. Bucky didn’t mean to come off as someone to stay away from. It was hard to come back from everything he had been through as an open person. When you joined the team, he was civil with you, but kept you at arm’s length for two reasons. From your first day, it was clear you had a loud and bold personality. You brought something different to the compound, with your loud laughter and the music you played in your room at just a loud enough volume for Bucky to hear from down the hall. There was nothing wrong with any of that. In fact, Bucky loved the new energy that you brought to the compound. But it was the opposite of his own, and he didn’t know how to handle it unless it was from a distance. He was too quiet, too closed off for the sort of boldness you exhumed, and the sort of attention he figured you’d require. He just wasn’t ready for it.

The second reason, and probably the most important one, is that you were very tactile. Touching a person’s arm as you spoke to them. Hugging people from behind when they’re sitting at the table. Laying on someone’s lap while watching a movie. It was a very huge piece of who you were. Hell, the whole reason you were on the team was because you could enhance everyone’s abilities with a touch. You were an important asset, no doubt. And while Bucky didn’t necessarily have an issue with being touched per say, he still wasn’t used to being touched in a way that wasn’t violent or forceful. He jumped at even a slight brush. Even Steve tried not to touch him too often so that he wouldn’t be uncomfortable. It was sort of an unspoken rule to everyone that he was to not be touched, and though you had little interaction with him, it was clear from the few and far between moments the two of you did have that you had gotten that memo.

But with all these things considered, he knew you had a point. It was only one night. Besides, he didn’t feel he was being necessarily fair with his avoidance of you. It wasn’t like you had done anything to wrong him. What control did you have over the type of person you were? He sort of envied it. Maybe sending time with you would open him up more. It was time for him to treat you like a member of the team.

He nodded at you before slowly crossing the room and climbing into the bed himself. As he slipped under the covers, you turned off the light and sunk deeper under them yourself. The only thing he could hear in the darkness was the wind blowing outside and your quiet breathing. Bucky rolled onto his side, facing away from you, and hugged the pillow his head was lying on. The amount of apprehensiveness he felt was indescribable.

It had been quite some time since Bucky had shared a bed with anyone, let alone a woman, and for whatever reason, it left him feeling incredibly anxious. There was about five feet of space between the two of you, as he was right up on the edge. The bed bounced slightly as you tossed and turned in your sleep, but Bucky remained still. His eyes were locked on the digital clock next to his side of the bed. If he wasn’t able to sleep before, there was no way he was going to now.

A half hour had passed. He knew you were asleep, by the way your breathing had slowed and though your moving around hadn’t seized, it wasn’t as forceful as it had been before. It became easier to ignore your shuffling, it only making him wonder how you ever got a good night sleep. He started to calm down up until you were suddenly up against him, your arms tightly wound around him. His entire body tensed under your touch, his skin feeling like it was on fire. His heart was pounding out of his chest, and part of him wondered if he was having a heart attack. Instincts were telling him to pull out of your grasp, or roll over and shove you away, but he didn’t. After the initial shock began to wear down, it actually felt sort of… nice. Despite his racing heart, his body relaxed in your arms. He could feel your face pressed into his hair and he suddenly was thankful he washed it. As his muscles eased, he hesitantly put his arms over your own. Was that the thing to do? He wasn’t sure. But it couldn’t hurt. You were clearly deep in sleep, and probably unaware of your actions. What was the harm in him... enjoying them?

He shuffled backwards slightly, pressing himself into you further. A sigh passed your lips, and he felt you move your head a little as your grip slackened. For a second, he panicked, worrying he had woken you and that you would return to your side. But your arms tightened around him again, your face pressed into his hair once more. Sighing contently, he closed his eyes, and before he knew it he was out like a light.

A pounding on the door woke him up the next morning. Groaning, rolled over in the bed to find you gone. Suddenly, the room felt colder. Slowly, he climbed out of bed and made his way to the door. Flinging the door open, his cheeks began to burn when he found you on the other side. The oversized shirt and pajama shorts were replaced with everyday wear, your backpack slung over your shoulder. The sweet yet amused smile on your face was sending his heart into a frenzy in a way that he didn’t understand.

“Good morning, Princess Aurora,” You said teasingly. “Check out is in a half hour, we gotta get going.” You tugged at the strap on your shoulder. “Thanks for letting me spend the night in here last night.” He nodded, looking down at the floor.

“No problem,” He mumbled. Both of you could feel the words that were being left unsaid, the elephant in the room. Without looking at you, he could tell by the way you shifted your weight from your side that you were debating on whether to say anything or not. When he finally returned your gaze, you said nothing more, instead just giving him another soft smile before turning and walking off. As he closed the door shut, he could feel the ghost of your arms around his torso, and your chest pressed into his back.

But it takes someone to come around

To show you how

He couldn’t look at you anymore.

Every time he did, all he could think about was the feeling of your skin on his. Which made absolutely no sense to him. A full week had passed since the evening at the motel. How was he still able to remember the way your fingertips felt gripping his side and your breath against his neck so clearly? If he let himself think about it too much, he could convince himself that you were actually there, still holding him. Not that he did that ever. Nope. Never.

It had gotten to a point where he began to crave it, almost. Like it was a hunger that needed curbed. An itch that needed scratched. He had been held for the first time in decades, and now he needed more. But what was he going to do? Just ask you to cuddle him? Maybe you would if he had put effort into having a relationship with you before. But he didn’t. It was a one night thing that went undiscussed. What if you didn’t even remember it? What if you had pulled away in your sleep and never knew it had happened? Or what if you didn’t want it to? Maybe that’s why you were already gone in the morning when he woke. Too embarrassed to deal with the fact that you spent your night touching him.

So he did the only thing he knew how to. He avoided you. If you entered a room that he was in, he left. If he heard your voice nearby, he would flee. It was better than trying to deal with whatever feelings he had gained from that night. Avoiding you now was no different than how it was before, albeit a bit more extreme. But even if you noticed, he knew you weren’t the type to confront him.

But this evening, it was all too much. He hadn’t had a proper night sleep in days. In fact, if he really let himself think about it, which he tried really hard not to, he hadn’t gotten a proper sleep since the motel in Ohio. Every evening since, he felt himself tossing and turning more than usual.

Throwing his head up, he looked at the clock. A quarter passed one. He had been laying there for over two hours now, and he didn’t sleep for any part of it. The exhaustion was getting the better of him. He just wanted to fucking sleep.

Kicking the covers off him, he climbed out of bed and sulked out of the room. Maybe he’d be able to sleep after grabbing a bite to eat. It wasn��t that he was hungry, but it wouldn’t hurt to try. As he got closer to the kitchen, he could hear the television from the living room getting louder and louder. When he hit the doorway, he paused and leaned against the wall. You were tucked in the corner of the couch, your legs on the coffee table. Your body was facing Bucky, and even though you hadn’t seen him enter, he could see that you were wide awake.

“Can’t sleep?”

You didn’t jump when he said it, instead just simply looking over at him. He wasn’t surprised though. Your senses were enhanced, just like his, and you probably heard his footsteps before he even left his room. Using your feet to push you up slightly, you nodded. Despite the lack of proper lighting, he could see the bags under your eyes and the yawn you tried to hide.

“I don’t sleep much anyway,” You said, shrugging. Bucky nodded, understanding better than you knew. The two of you stared at each other in an awkward silence until Bucky looked down at the floor. He could feel it again. The tingling where your arms had held him like he was haunted by the memory on his skin. The yearning for it to happen again was all he could think about, and here you were, ready and able to oblige. But he wasn't about to ask. How pathetic would that sound? The last thing he needed was another person on the list of people who pitied him.

“Bucky, what’s wrong?” You asked, sitting up further. He shook his head, but found it suddenly difficult to speak. The room had no lights on, but the brightness of the TV on your face was enough to show your confused expression. “Bucky.” Your voice had a firmness to it this time. He sighed.

“Did you…” He trailed off, looking up at the ceiling for a moment before looking back at you. He couldn’t believe he was actually about to bring it up, and for a second he thought about stopping himself and leaving. But he didn’t. “Did you do it on purpose? At the motel?” The confused expression on your face didn’t change for a while, until finally your eyes widened, and then you buried your face in your hands.

“God, I’m sorry Bucky,” You sighed. “I was hoping that maybe you were asleep when it all happened and I had left before you could notice. I’m a huge cuddler when I sleep and I do it a lot without meaning to.” When you pulled your hands from your face, Bucky could see the apologetic look in your eyes. “I noticed you were keeping your distance, but I didn’t know it was because of that. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I’m so sorry.” He began to rapidly shake his head.

“No, no, it’s okay,” He said quickly, swallowing hard. “I just- uhm… I was gonna ask…maybe…” He huffed in annoyance. This is stupid, he told himself. More than likely you wouldn’t be down with it, especially since he just made you feel bad about the whole thing. He brought his hands to his mouth, his fingers anxiously pulling at his lips as he thought of the right words to say, but nothing was coming to him. The confusion was wiped from your face as your lips began to twitch upward.

Wordlessly, you lifted up your arms, your hands open and your fingers out towards him. He froze and it took him longer than it should’ve for him to realize what it was you were doing. For a second, he seriously considered refusing, but why would he do that? Suddenly he felt very warm. His steps towards you were small and slow as he gave himself a chance to back out. But he never did. Your eyes never left his as he sunk into the couch and crawled towards you. As you laid yourself down, he laid down on top of you, his head finding comfort on your chest. All tension in his body seemed to evaporate as you wrapped your arms around him. His feet were hanging over the arm of the couch, but it didn’t bother him.

“Comfy?” You whispered. He nodded. The warmth of your body against his was familiar and yet his heart was pounding as if it were the first time. It wasn’t until you began absently running your fingers through his hair with one hand and running drawing circles on his back with the other that he really began to lose it. His stomach was doing so many somersaults that he felt like he was going to throw up, but he swallowed it down. There was no way he was about to ruin this just because he was a bit starved of human contact and didn’t know how to handle it.

He shifted so he was more tucked into your side. For the first time, in what felt like a long time, his mind had gone quiet and his body was at ease. “Comfy” was an understatement. If there were a word in the English language to describe how he felt, he had yet to learn it. It wasn’t until a line on the TV caught his attention that he found a word that was pretty close.

“No sort of bliss better than being in the arms of the one you love.” His eyes jumped up at you, and he found that even though your fingers were still working through his hair and his skin, your eyes were closed. He smiled.

Maybe this wasn’t the love they were referencing on the TV. But they were right about one thing. There was no other sort of bliss.

She’s the tear in my heart

I’m alive

Bucky woke up in his bed alone. He didn’t know how you were able to sneak away without waking him, but somehow you always managed. Even without you there, he had stayed lying on his back. Maybe his subconscious had hoped you would return.

That night it had been your turn to be held. The day had been long and hard on you, and Bucky began to feel guilty for all you would do for him, but he never reciprocated, so this night he did all the holding. You had laid your head on his chest, tucked under his chin, with your hand resting on his upper torso, running your thumb gently up and down his bare skin. It was just as nice to hold you as it was being held by you, Bucky discovered.

The walk down the hall towards the kitchen as quicker than usual, and he felt himself grow disappointed when he walked in only to find Sam shoveling his way through a bowl of cereal. He tried to push that feeling away as he lowered his head and crossed the kitchen.

“‘Morning,” Sam said into his bowl. Bucky mumbled back a greeting as he opened the fridge and did a quick scan before pulling out a plum and shoving it in his mouth. He started to close it, before changing his mind and grabbing a yogurt. When he turned around, he found that Sam was watching him.

“What’s with you?” He asked as Bucky rounded the island and sat in the stool on the end. “You seem off.” Bucky shrugged as he took another bite of the plum. It was ripe, but not too hard. Just the way he liked it.

“Just woke up,” He said simply before realizing that he didn’t grab a spoon. It wasn’t until that moment that he realized how scatterbrained he was acting. He felt Sam’s eyes on him as he crossed the kitchen once more, opening the silverware drawer.

“Good morning, gentleman.”

Bucky didn’t have time to react to the sound of your voice before he felt a hand run across his back. A shockwave went up his spine at the feeling of it. By the time he had turned to face you, your hand had already left him, leaving a tingling sensation behind, and you were at the fridge pulling out a yogurt. You smiled at him when you turned in his direction, nodding towards the drawer he was standing in front of.

“Can I have a spoon, please?” You asked kindly. Absently, he handed you the one in his hand before turning and grabbing himself another one. He could feel Sam staring at the two of you, and while you didn’t seem to notice or mind, it made him feel quite embarrassed. He returned to the stool he had been sitting at before, while you stood between him and Sam.

“Is there anything going on today?” You asked before taking a bite of yogurt. Sam shrugged.

“All I know is I’m training with Natasha later and I’m gonna get my ass whooped,” He said begrudgingly. You laughed, leaning slightly and putting your hand on Sam’s shoulder.

“Good luck, my dude,” You said, clearly trying to sound supportive but it was hard when you were still laughing. Bucky didn’t notice right away that your eyes were on him because he was too busy staring at your hand, which was still on Sam’s shoulder. For whatever reason, he couldn’t tear his eyes away. Just seeing it made him feel some type of way, but he couldn’t quite describe it.

“What about you, Bucky?” You asked him. The sound of his name coming from you broke him from his trance. When he locked eyes with you, a smile filled your cheeks. “What do you have going on today?” Bucky simply shook his head.

“I think I’m training with Parker later, but nothing other than that,” He said quietly, turning away and continuing to eat his yogurt. He didn’t know you had moved until he felt the familiar sensation of your fingers ruffling through his hair. Electricity shot up his spine once more at your touch, and was gone the second your hand pulled away.

“You have fun when Peter webs you to the ceiling,” You said, giggling as you left. Bucky fought the urge to turn and watch you go, keeping his eyes locked on the almost empty cup and the half eaten plum on the counter. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Sam continuing to stare at him. He pretended not to notice.

“So what was that?” Sam asked, breaking the few moments of silence.

“What was what?” Bucky asked nonchalantly, but he tried not to cringe at the sound of his voice when he said it. If he could taste the bullshit, then he knew Sam would too.

“You had been keeping your distance from her since she joined the team and now all of a sudden she’s fucking with your hair and touching you? And you’re cool with it?” Sam said in a questioning tone. He dropped his spoon down into the bowl so he could cross his arms. “You expect me to believe this just magically happened?” Bucky huffed as he roughly scooped up another spoonful of yogurt and shoved it in his mouth.

“We’ve been… talking,” He mumbled. The rest of the team didn’t know what you and him were doing, and he wasn’t about to out himself. Especially to Sam, who he knew wouldn’t let him hear the end of it. Although, from the look on Sam’s face, it was clear he wasn’t buying it.

“Talking,” He said it more as a statement than a question. Bucky nodded.

“Is that okay, or did I need your permission?” He challenged Sam. The look on his friend’s face changed to surprise, and also slightly impressed. Without a word, Sam got up and took his bowl to the sink, dumping the last of the soggy cereal into the garbage disposal and giving the bowl a quick clean. While finishing up his small breakfast, Bucky kept his eyes on him. He knew that he had more to say. Sam just wasn’t the type to keep his feelings on things quiet. He turned back to Bucky, putting his hands on the corner of the counter and leaning on it slightly.

“I’m just glad you’re “talking” to someone, man,” He said, giving him a suggestive smile and walking towards the living room. When he walked passed, he gave Bucky a slight shove and dodged the swing Bucky threw at him. “It loosens you up!”

As Bucky listened to the sound of Sam’s footsteps fade away, he stared down at the counter and, although he couldn’t see it, the burning in his cheeks let him know he had turned a bright shade of red. He silently hoped that Sam didn’t notice. He didn’t need anything else to use against him.

She’s the tear in my heart

I’m on fire

When are you getting home?

Bucky couldn’t help but smile at the sight of your text message. The roar of the Quinjet engines were loud in his ear as it began to descend over New York City, but he didn’t notice as he typed his reply.

Almost there.

The city in the nighttime was already a sight, but seeing it overhead was both exhilarating and breathtaking. Little star like balls of light covered the buildings and streets, the traffic looking like beetles from the height. It was really the only part Bucky liked about going on missions, was seeing the big city he called home in the beauty it was at a distance, although his favorite time of day to view it would be at dawn or dusk, when the orange and pink skies added to the already beautiful sight.

His phone buzzed in his hand, and for a second, he continued to look outside and pretended he wasn’t in any rush, despite his heart which skipped a beat as soon as he saw your name on the screen.

I’m already in bed dozing off. If I pass out before you get here I’ll see you in the morning!!!

He felt himself grow disappointed. It wasn’t your fault. The whole reason you had missed this mission was because you had been sick, but he couldn’t help it. The entire time he was gone, Bucky would check his phone even when he knew it didn’t go off, or look around for you because he constantly would forget that you weren’t there. He didn’t understand why he was acting this way, or how to make it stop. No one else seemed to notice his distractions, and if they did, they didn’t point it out.

As the Quinjet began lowering down towards Stark Tower, Bucky could feel the butterflies in his tummy growing restless. He was completely unaware of the dopey smile on his face at the sight of the building until he looked over and saw Steve giving him a strange look.

“What are you so excited about?” Steve asked him. His shoulders rose and fell, but the smile didn’t drop in the slightest.

“Just can’t wait to sleep in my own bed,” He said. It wasn’t convincing, and he knew when Steve looked out the window with a knowing smile on his face and only humming in response that he didn’t believe him.

The second the Quinjet touched down on the helipad, Bucky had to refrain from jumping out of his seat. The knuckles on his right hand were white as he gripped the arm rest impatiently, his eyes on the back of Stark’s head. He never understood why the time between landing and the door opening was so long. But maybe it only felt so much longer this time because he was waiting for it.

Once the door had opened, Bucky stood as nonchalantly as possible, grabbing his bag from the overhead been and making his way out of the jet. Every step he made was calculated as he tried not to appear rushed or anxious. Although everyone was so tired, they probably wouldn’t have even noticed. The walk through the tower towards his room seemed like it was never ending. The hallway seemed to grow narrower. Did the place get bigger in his absence?

His eyes stared down your door long before he had even reached his own. He debated in his mind whether to peek in on you or let you be. A half hour had passed since your last text, which probably meant that you were more than likely long asleep. He turned the knob to his room and let himself in, setting his bag down at the end of the bed. Slowly, he stripped down and changed into sweats and a crew neck. He considered just crawling into bed and seeing you in the morning, but the rest of him had other plans as his legs seemed to mindlessly carry him out of the room.

The door to your room didn’t creak as he unhurriedly pushed it open, and he was grateful. Resting on top of your blankets, you were snuggling up against your pillow, your phone still in your hand as if you fell asleep mid-text. Crawling into your bed, Bucky held his breath as he carefully positioned himself over you, slowly lowering himself down so he was now lying on you with his head between your shoulder blades. You let out a staggered breath and lifted your head slightly, glancing back at him before letting your head fall back onto the pillow.

“So much for seeing you in the morning, huh?” You asked in a groggy voice. Though your voice was playful, that didn’t stop the anxiety that rose in Bucky’s chest. Should he have left you alone and waited until morning? Just as he went to lift his head, he felt the tips of your fingers find his head, softly kneading his his hair. Nothing could hold back his smile as he relaxed.

“How are you feeling?” He asked, raising his head and lightly resting his chin on your spine. He felt you sigh under him.

“Much better,” You breathed. “M’pretty sure I slept most of the time you were gone.”

“So I didn’t miss much?” He asked, you shaking your head.

“Not a damn thing,” You reassured him. He nodded, his chin running up and down your back. All he felt was relief. The last thing he wanted was to miss out on something important with you. “How was the assignment?” He groaned, his head falling to its side so he was laying it down once more.

“Too long,” He said simply. That was the closest he wanted to get to admitting it was too long to go without you.

With being away from you for a full week, it gave him a lot of time to consider what exactly was happening between the two of you. While he couldn’t figure out what you were feeling, he knew that his feelings for you were way beyond platonic at this point, no matter how hard he tried to deny them or ignore them. For a while he had been convinced that he was so starved of human contact for so long that once he had it, he wanted more and it just was masked as romantic feelings towards you. And maybe at first, that was the case. But now he didn’t want it from anyone else. He just wanted it from you.

“I missed you while you were gone,” You mumbled after a while, it so quiet that Bucky almost thought he imagined it. He rolled his head over so he was burying his face into your shirt, his face so hot and smiley that he couldn’t take it. The room felt hot despite the air conditioning being on, but he knew that it was just him.

“I guess I missed you too,” He said quietly. He felt you laugh against him, his heart skipping a beat.

“Alright, asshole, you’re squashing me,” You whined, squirming as best as you could underneath his weight. “Can we change positions now so that I can breathe?”

My heart

Is my armor

“Fuck, I’m so tired,” You said through a yawn. Bucky looked up at you from his phone, eyebrows raised.

“Plenty of time to sleep,” He reminded you. “We’re not going to be home for another four hours. I think.” He knew for sure it was four hours, but he made himself sound uncertain to lessen the blow. From the sound of your groan, it didn’t appear to work.

“I can’t sleep on planes,” You whined. He grimaced, remembering that you had indeed told him that before.

“Sorry,” He mumbled, although it came out so quiet that he was almost certain you didn’t hear it.

“Wish I could teleport or some shit,” You grumbled. “I’d have been home and in my bed as soon as the mission was over.” He chuckled.

“Only if you’d take me with you,” He remarked, looking back down at his phone.

“Well, of course,” You retorted, sounding offended that he would even suggest that you wouldn’t.

The jet was quiet, with Sam in the cockpit and Steve and Natasha already passed out in various seats. Bucky had originally sat down by himself, but was quite pleased when you took the seat next to him. Out the window, the sky was dark but whatever city they were flying over was beaming with light, almost making up for the fact that he couldn’t see any stars. He was so lost in the sight that he didn’t notice you peering over his shoulder.

“Why are you reading that?” You asked, a serious tone in your voice. His eyes jumped down to his phone to the news article he had opened with the headline: Public Questions Winter Soldier’s Place In Avengers. When he looked back at you, he noticed the sadness in your eyes. “Why do you give into them?” He continued to stare at his phone, his mind running blank on how to respond.

The article made some valid points, as most of them did. At one time, he was viewed as a public threat. The public still very much believed that he was responsible for the death of the former King of Wakanda, no matter how many times the Avengers disputed it. Once they had a view on something, it was almost impossible to change their mind. And despite Shuri removing all traces of HYDRA’s ability to control him ever again, that didn’t stop him from worrying that somehow they’d find a way to control him again. With everything that had happened to him over the course of his life, it was impractical for him to find anything unfeasible.

As hard as he tried not to read the negative things said about him, it was almost impossible for him. Sometimes he did it when things went wrong and he felt he needed to be put in check, like this time when civilians got hurt because of a careless mistake. But other times, when he’s feeling really low, he’ll read them to confirm to himself that he’s as terrible as he believes he is.

The next thing he knew, you were taking his phone and closing out of the article. He didn’t even bother trying to take it from you before you shoved it into his jacket pocket and took his hands into yours. It wasn’t until you had turned in your seat so you were facing him that he knew you were serious.

“Listen to me very carefully,” You told him, eyes locked on his. “You are not what they say you are. You are not who you were in the past. You are a strong, amazing person and you deserve better and more than this.” He didn’t know what to say; he never did when someone complimented him. And he could see the genuinity in your eyes, although he always could. You were always trying to tell him that the way he viewed himself was wrong, to the point where sometimes he felt himself believing it. Tilting his head, he wordlessly slipped his fingers in the spaces between your own. A wordless thank you. Giving him a soft smile, you turned back in your seat. He thought that was going to be the end of it, until you leaned your head down and laid it on his shoulder. Suddenly, he was as still as a statue, afraid to move in fear that you would pull away from him.

“Comfy?” He asked. You nodded against him. He pulled out his phone, opting to read a book he had downloaded a few days prior. It was the only thing he could do one handed, with his other hand still occupied with yours. A mere fifteen minutes had past when all he could hear were your quiet snores, and he smiled softly to himself as he read, leaning his head to the side so it was against the top of yours. Mindlessly, he drew circles on the skin of your outer hand with his thumb. It wasn’t much, yet somehow it was everything.

She’s the tear in my heart

She’s a carver

The floor vibrated slightly under Bucky’s bouncing knee. He stared at his phone, which was resting on the table in front of him, with his hands covering his mouth. The sound of Steve’s words were echoing through his mind.

The jet was attacked and we lost contact.

The silence was overbearing. But any noise that came from anywhere except for Bucky’s phone just made him angry. He needed to hear from you. A phone call. A text. He’d settle for a letter via carrier pigeon for fuck’s sake. Sure, he was concerned about Tony, Rhodey and Wanda as well. But he’d be lying if he said his worry for them was the same as it was for you.

“They’re gonna be fine,” Sam’s voice came up from behind the couch, making Bucky jump. As he took a seat on the left end of the couch, Bucky didn’t take his eyes off his phone.

“I should’ve been there,” He said firmly. Although he was angry, at the interruption of his thoughts as well as the whole situation, his voice was shaky. Small.

“And what would you have done?” Sam asked in a demanding tone. “It was three HYDRA planes going after them. What could you possibly have done?” Bucky bit his lip. He knew how stupid he sounded. But he wasn’t about to admit that at least if you were dead, he would’ve gone with you. Or maybe he could’ve made sure the plane landed safely. He’d survived free falling from the sky before, he was positive he could do it again.

Sam scooted closer to him. “They’re going to be fine.” He said it slowly, carefully enunciating each word. Bucky finally looked up at him.

“How would we know?” He asked.

“Because they’re all soldiers,” Sam told him. “They’ve fought and won before. And they’ll do it again.” When Bucky didn’t answer, Sam leaned forward and hesitantly put his hand on his shoulder. Bucky flinched hard, but didn’t pull away like he once would’ve. “She’s gonna be fine.” Just then, Steve rushed in. The color he had lost when he had spoken to Bucky earlier had returned to his face.

“They’re here,” He said through short, rapid breaths, making it clear he had been running. “They’re here and they’re fine.”

Bucky wasted no time before jumping off the couch and racing out of the room. The hallway seemed to have grown longer as he made his way towards the stairs, foregoing the elevator. As he made his way up, he heard footsteps bounding down the stairs towards him. He rounded a corner to find you coming down the stairs, making him stop dead in his tracks.

The sound of your name floated through the air, and it took him longer than it should’ve for him to realize that he said it out loud. The only response you gave was all but launching yourself at him from the last step, crashing into him and sending him staggering back into the wall. He wrapped his arms tightly around you, one under your bottom to hold your legs up and the other around the middle of your back. It wasn’t until he steadied himself that he could feel you shaking, causing his heart to shatter in his chest.

“You’re fine,” He whispered in your ear. His hand went up to the back of your head, his thumb stroking your hair. “Everything is fine.”

“I love you.”

It was so sudden that Bucky wasn’t in the least bit prepared. Every single muscle in his entire body froze. Slowly, you pulled yourself away from him, looking right into his big blues. He noted the paleness in your skin, and the slight trembling of your lip. His mouth was hanging open slightly as he waited for you to speak again.

“I thought I was gonna die,” You started. The tone in your voice was one Bucky had never heard before. “And the only thing I could think about was that I never told you that. And I hated myself for it.” You lifted your hand, gesturing between yourself and him. “Whatever this is going on between us stopped being platonic for me a while ago. And I feel like you feel the same.”

Bombs were dropping in Bucky’s stomach, sending him into overload. It was too much. It was all too much. The fear of you dying. Having you back in his arms after being gone for two weeks. The relief of you not being dead or harmed. And now… now you love him. And he felt the same. You fidgeted in his hold.

“This is the part where you say something,” You said nervously. “Anything really.” But he didn’t. Instead, he leaned forward and kissed you. It was hesitant, nervous. But then you snaked your fingers through his hair and pulled him closer, and it turned passionate and loving. Bucky’s entire body was exploding, his brain somehow loud and quiet at the same time. When you pulled away, Bucky noticed you weren’t shaking anymore. With his free hand, he ran his fingers up and down your spine.

“I love you too.” It was so quiet that if you didn’t see him say it, you wouldn’t have ever known that it was from Bucky. Who knew someone so big, hard and closed off could be so tender? He swallowed hard before his eyes jumped up to you again. “Was that okay?” He asked softly. He wasn’t sure why he was so anxious. You laughed loudly, leaning your forehead against his.

“Only if that’s not the last one.”

She’s a butcher with a smile

Cut me farther

He was waiting for the signal.

It was something the two of you had discussed before the party. Tony forced the two of you to go, and also gave a reminder that while it was for Steve’s birthday, it was still a function and that you couldn’t only talk to Bucky all night. Which, of course, was something neither of you liked because if Bucky had his choice, he would be sitting on a chair in the corner with you on his lap and his arms around you, people watching all night. Why would he want to talk to a bunch of strangers? He didn’t know, but he only received a glare from Tony when he dared to ask.

The air smelled of cigarettes and alcohol, with a twinge of cologne. As most of Stark’s parties did. The room was a gradient of red white and blue, fitting the black tie theme. Despite that, Bucky still wore a black tuxedo. He had hoped that it would make him not stand out, but all it did was make him pop even more. Like a sore thumb.

You were across the room at the bar, being talked up by a handsome stranger. Bucky wasn’t worried. He could tell by the look on your face and the way you wouldn’t face the man fully that you were bored with whatever he had to say. He didn’t blame the poor sap for trying. You looked radiant in your floor length red gown. He didn’t have to be in love with you to see you were the most beautiful person in the room. It wasn’t him seeing things in rose colored lenses, it was him not being blind.

“That doesn’t bother you?” Sam asked, taking a sip of the gin and tonic in his hand. He donned an all white tux, and had gotten the phone numbers of at least three girls. Bucky turned his body towards him while keeping his eyes on you. Sam nudged him with his elbow, but Bucky pretended not to notice. “Even in the least bit? He’s been talking to her for twenty minutes now.” Bucky shrugged.

“Nope,” He said simply before taking a swig of the glass of whiskey. He couldn’t get drunk, but the taste sometimes brought him back to times when he could. “She’ll let me know when it gets to be too much.”

“How will she do that?” Sam asked, sounding more curious than taunting. Just then, as if on cue, you looked over at Bucky with wide eyes and an even wider smile. He could just barely make out the stranger’s hand on your thigh. He nodded towards Sam.

“That’s how,” He said nonchalantly, shrugging and throwing back the glass until it was empty and leaving it on the table. Carefully slipping between the crowd of people while avoiding socialization, Bucky made his way towards you. Not once did your eyes leave him as he did so, somehow going unnoticed by the man at your side. His stride slowed as he got closer, his eyes on the back of the man’s head, whose hand was still on your thigh.

“Excuse me, pal,” He said, standing close enough so he was almost in between you and the man. A smile spread across his face as he held his hand out for you. “Care for a dance, doll?” Without taking your eyes off him, you handed your drink to the stranger and took Bucky’s hand.

“Thank you,” You sighed. “He was just babbling about how cool my powers were and it was all fun and games until he asked if I could enhance men in the bedroom.” You visibly cringed. Bucky was laughing when the two of you got to the dance floor. The music playing was the ending of a fast paced song, and the the dance floor began to empty out as people, laughing and panting were heading back to their seats as it switched to a slow song. The trumpets at the beginning sounded familiar, and Bucky waited for you to catch on. It didn’t take long before you smiled up at him.

“Candy by John Mercer…” You said slowly. “Someone influenced the playlist.” He shrugged.

“I may have had a word with the DJ about playing it at some point,” He said, making you shake your head.

“You’re such an old man,” You said, although he could hear the loving tone in your voice. Suddenly, a thought derailed him and his laughter disappeared, turning towards you as you took his hand in yours and began to sway with him to the beat of the music.

“Wait, have you been enhancing me in bed?” He whispered in a panic. You opened your mouth to answer, but someone cleared their throat behind Bucky. The two of you turned to see Tony standing there, bright blue tuxedo with his arms behind his back and his eyebrows raised. You tilted your head innocently.

“Come on, Tony,” You said, your head falling against Bucky’s shoulder as he wrapped his arm around your waist. “We’ve been good, and talking to other people all night. What’s the harm in one dance?” He stared between the two of you, obvious annoyance in his face, before letting out a sigh.

“I was just coming over here to remind you that we’re leaving tomorrow for Lithuania tomorrow,” He said, eyeing the two of you. “So try to keep all hangovers to a minimum please. It’s a long flight and no one wants to deal with that.” He gave them both a final once over before smirking and walking away. The way he shook his head as he disappeared in the crowd made you laugh.

“Long flights mean hotels after the mission,” You said in a sing, songy voice, turning back to Bucky and your slow dance. He chuckled.

“Just don’t forget your key card to your room this time,” He teased. You made a face at him before huffing.

“First of all, that was almost two years ago. Second of all, we’re a couple. Tony’s going to get us the same room. Third of all,” You paused, furrowing your eyebrows and tilting your head. “Did I never tell you?” He mirrored your look.

“Tell me what?” He asked. Your hand left his shoulder as you covered your face, laughing.

“I left my key in my room on purpose that night,” You said, peeking through your fingers at him in embarrassment. “It was an impulse decision and by the time I wanted to back out, the door was already closed and locked.” Bucky was laughing at this point, and tried to pull your hand from your face, but then you just pressed it against his shoulder.

“Why did you do that?” He said between laughs. Your body shook with laughter as you stood up straight again, looking around at the crowd.

“Because I liked you and you wouldn’t talk to me,” You said, finally looking at him and shrugging. “Desperate times call for desperate measures.”

He didn’t know it possible, but in that moment, Bucky loved you more than he ever had. The way the light made your face glow. The red of the dress complimenting your eyes. How full your cheeks were with your smile. But most importantly, feeling you against him, with the tips of your fingers gently digging into his back, was what really did him in every time. He no longer craved your touch. He didn’t have to. Anytime he needed you, he would just have to roll over in bed and pull you close, or grab your hand from your spot next to him. You were never far away, and he needn’t ever worry.

Leaning in so your lips were to his ear, Bucky felt a rise in his chest.

“Also, no I’ve never enhanced you in bed,” You assured him. He felt the anxiety deflate from his chest. When you were facing him once more, you had a devilish grin on your face. “But that’s quite an idea, isn’t it? We should definitely try that.” He could feel his blood start to rush.

“Maybe tomorrow night in the hotel?” He offered. You pouted your lips in dissatisfaction as you began to play with his tie.

“Would be such a shame if we had to wait,” You said in a low voice, peering up at him through your eyelashes. “Do you think anyone would notice if we left for a little bit?” You had just barely finished your sentence when he began dragging you towards the elevators.

“I actually think we’re calling it a night,” He said, picking up his pace as you ran to catch up. Your laugh echoed down the hallways as the two of you got to the elevator. The doors hadn’t even opened yet but that didn’t stop him from having his hands all over you, his lips on your neck. When the doors opened, he lead you inside, suddenly pulling away from you.

“Is this how you imagined it would go? When you came into my hotel room that night?” He asked you, randomly. “Did you think we’d become all of this?” You didn’t hesitate for a second before shaking your head.

“I really thought I’d only get up to trying to cuddle you and then you’d kick me out,” You said, your grip on his upper arms growing tighter. The smile you gave him filled him with warmth. “This was so much better than I ever could’ve imagined.”

And he agreed.

Than I’ve ever been

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