#dean is NOT normal about his relationships

[ihatedean]

it's so small but there's something so interesting to me about the fact that when dean makes eileen's "pro list" with sam he says "she gets it. she gets us" instead of... you know, the much more normal and sane alternative when talking about your brother's potential partner, "she gets you."

it speaks volumes I think because there are so many examples of their attempts at a committed relationship failing specifically because [she] (insert whatever name you want here) did not get them. like, as a unit. [she] understood sam or understood dean and could maybe have given them something they wanted; you think you love someone, and yeah, there's baggage, he's been through some shit he doesn't want to talk about, but sometimes that's relationships, right? but if you had to pinpoint a moment in the relationship when things got bad, it would literally be the second the brother shows up. that's when you realize this man can't even imagine being anything but a half of something else. you love a person that is incapable of seeing himself as such. you loved a coping mechanism.

i don't think dean believes sam ever needed his seal of approval to be with eileen, not consciously at least, but the highlight of these late seasons is witnessing the aftermath of these two accepting that they cannot breathe if they don't know where the other one is. even worse, how natural they make it seem. of course i killed myself to bring you back. water is wet, dude, keep up. and just like dean said, eileen just... gets that. definitely because she met them at a very different point in their lives in comparison to, say, lisa or amelia. they have a security that only comes with seeing with your own eyes as your brother literally kills death for you. eillen knows that if she wants sam, he'll always carry dean with him. she might not fully understand how deep it goes or how bad it can get because she never witnessed it, all she knows is that brother trumps over girlfriend, she's not fighting it.

compared to sam who barely opens up to his partners and i assume only scratched the surface of The Thing with his brother, dean personally had his ex calling him out on his weird relationship with sam. like, lisa borderline insults them lol and though i don't think lisa's words made him insecure about it, it's not surprising he'd be more aware of eileen's reaction to it. "i tried the family thing" essentially means "i let someone see it."

if eileen stays there she'll be dating the two of them, just... in a not-fun, very unsexy way. and no one in that bunker stops for a second to think how deeply disturbing that is.

anyways i wrote this three days ago and thought maybe my brain made up the "she gets us" part, so i looked up the clip to make sure i'm not crazy and found this in the comments. thank you sinasina4170 on youtube two years ago. you said it a lot better in a lot less words.

[cas-coding]

dean, talking on the phone: alright man, i'll see you soon, yeah?

dean's coworker: oh who was that?

dean: my buddy cas, we've been married for seven years today

[paellegere]

"their relationship is romantic" "their relationship is familial" "their relationship is platonic" you're thinking too narrow. their relationship goes beyond labels. the family is inherently queer. their platonic love is romantic. the erotic is familial. each one is the other and the other is them

[zombiegirldean]

the djinn episode is mid but the implications are driving me nuts. Dean finally articulates his concept of suburbia and civilization to the viewer and it just lays bare how heavily he fetishizes and how little he understands what a Normal Life would feel like. Dean lives in Movie World so everything the djinn dreams up for him is like, so hallmark corny it verges on the stepford wives. Christmas family photos, John in a softball league, wife that brings you hamburger, sammy's getting married, mowing the lawn, literal White Picket Fence. girl that's just a series of aesthetic cues from sitcoms!! and most of all mommy is there to kiss your forehead and make you a sandwich. he doesn't conjure up a personality for her, because that's not necessary, he's SURE that if the classic american family unit had not been disrupted, he would be living in Barbie World. because he is UNWELL.

[quietwingsinthesky]

returning to the jack & abigail dynamic: i'm imagining that after the first two or three times abigail drags jack home to have dinner with her family, hannibal pulls her off to the side like "are you sure this is the friend you want to make? :)" (<- is thinking about how Jack is allergic to using napkins properly and will wipe everything off with his sleeves) (he's not rude, he was just unfortunately raised by winchesters)

and she just crosses her arms and shoots back with "you get to keep will >:(" (<- knows she will get her way, partly because hannibal is going to give her what she wants, partly because if he doesn't, she's not above asking jack to do a little mindwiping.)

at which point, hannibal just has to accept that she's going to bring home a weird little guy just like he did.

[bisaster-energy]

i do get making cas essentially human i understand that he can adjust to it and actually enjoy life like that. but um. i just think he can be just as fulfilled as a full blown angel

[ishades]

I miss early seasons sam come back!

[kaleldobrev]

Please Don't Leave

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Fem!Reader

Summary: Dean's lucky to have you in his life and honestly doesn't know what he would ever do without you

Word Count: 2k

Warnings: Cursing (3x), Fluff, Vulnerable/Angry Dean

Authors Note: The gif makes me sad | This might seem a little non canon but at the same time I honestly feel like Dean would react this way (fight me if you want, but I said what I said) | I just love this man so fucking much | Dream/Flashbacks are in italics | If you liked this, don’t forget to like & reblog. I really appreciate it! Feedback is always welcome ♡

Dean didn’t have a lot of consistencies in his life, but you were one of them. Out of everyone he had known in his life, you were one of the only people that had remained with him through all the heartbreak, all of the death, all of the blood, sweat, and tears that this life had. You had been through it all with him: Sam going to Stanford and leaving him behind, his fathers death, him selling his soul, the year that Sam went to Hell, the year the two of you were in Purgatory, the few months he was a demon, his bloodlust fueled by the Mark, him being possessed by Michael. He had an endless list of things that the two of you had been through together, things that would cause any normal or rational person to throw in the towel; but not you. “You can’t get rid of me Dean Winchester, not even if you kill me yourself.” You had joked. And that was something that he had almost done – and on several occasions too. And yet, you never left him. “I guess I’m just stupid.” You said. “Or maybe the sex me and you have is just that good.”

The sex he had with you, now that was something. It was unlike anything he had ever experienced; and he has had quite a lot of sex during his lifetime (not that he bragged about it of course). When the two of you initially met, it was only supposed to be a working relationship, a friends with benefits sort of deal. But eventually it turned into more. He wasn’t sure where him or you had gotten your wires crossed but they did; and it turned into you and him always finding each other at the end of the night regardless of the different men and women that had hit on both of you at the bar you two were at.

The sex used to be quick, usually done in either a drunken haze or after a tough hunt. But it eventually turned into something that either one of you would initiate through soft touches: a kiss on the forehead, a simple hand hold, or cuddling into each other. Once, in the middle of sex, he wasn’t sure why he had said it but he did. He kind of just blurted it out. “I love you.” Now that was something he never thought he’d ever say during sex before. But here you were beneath him, staring up at him with those doe eyes of yours that you frequently had during sex and said, “I love you too.” It was something he didn’t expect.

Dean didn’t know what he could or would possibly do if you weren’t in his life; and that was something he didn’t want to think about. But it was something that has been an unavoidable thought as of late. Waking up to you was one of the worst but best things after a nightmare of losing you. He would wake up in a panic, his heart racing, sweating; afraid that you were gone for good this time. But without fail, every single time you would be right there next to him. Either sound asleep or awake enough to tell him, “It’s okay, I’m right here.” He would always reply the same way. “Just…please don’t leave.” It was a simple yet complicated sentence. “I’m not going to. I’d never leave you.” Those words that you always uttered back should have been comforting to him, but it was just an empty promise – even though he knows that’s how you never intended it to sound. In your heart you loved him deeply, and he knew that. He knew that you’d never leave him; the two of you have been through everything together. But when it came to this life, it was hard to make and keep promises like that.

“Dean, I just can’t do this anymore I’m sorry.” Your words had cut into him like a knife. Like he’d been shot hundreds of times. The torture he received from Hell combined with the loss of his mother was child’s play compared to what he was currently feeling. He just started blankly at the two duffel bags at your feet as you stood in the doorway of the room the two of you shared. Well, formally shared that is. “Aren’t you going to say anything?” You asked, your question snapping him out of whatever trance he was in.

“There’s nothing to say.” Of course there were hundreds, no thousands of things that he had wanted to say to you, but he knew that he couldn’t say any of it. As much as he wanted to beg for you to stay, he wasn’t going to make you stay. Once you made up your mind that was it; there was no convincing you.

You looked at him with a confused expression. “You don’t even want to know why I’m leaving?” You asked, and Dean simply shook his head. “Why not?”

“It doesn’t really matter.” He tried to keep his voice even, to make you believe that he was okay. But he could tell that you knew he wasn’t (you knew him long enough to know when he was or wasn’t okay).

“Dean.” You said, your voice sounding more heartbroken than his.

“It’s alright. You don’t…you don’t have to explain yourself.” He said, taking a seat on the bed you two once shared.

“I feel like you deserve an explanation. We were together for almost twenty years Dean.” You sat down next to him on the bed. He had just wanted to push you away or wrap you in his arms. Two completely differently reactions, but that’s the way he felt. “Dean.” You touched his shoulder and he flinched, you quickly removed your hand. “I love you, and I know you know that but –”

“Please just…stop talking. I really don’t want to hear what you have to say.” His voice was more hurt now, and he could feel himself trying not to say or do anything that he was going to regret. He wanted to cry, but he didn’t want you to have to see that, despite seeing him do it so many times before. “Just, leave if you’re going to leave.” You didn’t move, simply just staring at him. “Go!” He snapped, and that’s when you got up.

You walked over to your bags, slinging one over your shoulder and holding the other one in your hands. “Goodbye Dean.” You said, before walking out of the room. For a while he heard the sound of your boots down the hall, but they suddenly became faint, almost inaudible. The Bunker door opened and closed again. You were gone. Gone for good this time.

“You said you’d never fucking leave.” He whispered to himself. “Said you’d never fucking leave me.” He pounded the bed with his fist. “You fucking lied!” He got up from the bed and he felt himself start to lose control; no longer in control of the emotions that had been building up when he had started watching you pack up your bags.

Dean woke up abruptly, sitting up. He was panicked, his heart racing. His breaths were heavy, his chest moving up and down. He rubbed his face, trying to fully wake himself up. There was no way he would be getting back to sleep for a while; not after that nightmare. “Y/N -” he began to say as he looked over to his right side; your side of the bed. You were gone. “Sweetheart?” He asked, his hand reached out and touched the emptiness next to him: it was cold.

He looked up at the door to the bedroom which was slightly ajar. The only light in the room came seeping in from the hallway. He didn’t remember having the door open, the door was always shut whenever the two of you slept. Despite how safe the Bunker was, sleeping with the door closed added an extra layer of safety, not just for him, but for you as well.

A shadow appeared, blocking some of the light. He reached over and opened the drawer of his nightstand, slightly gripping his gun that he always kept there. Before he could fully wrap his hand around the weapon you squeaked inside the room and shut the door again quietly. A huge amount of relief washed over him in that moment as he let go of the gun and closed the drawer. “Dean?” You questioned, upon hearing the drawer close. “Baby are you okay?” You asked, walking to sit on his side of the bed. He looked at you as you placed a hand on his cheek. Your eyes full of worry.

“You were…” his eyes flickered to your side of the bed that had been empty when he woke up before looking back at you again. “You were gone. When I woke up you…”

“It’s okay. I’m here.” You reassured him, your voice calm.

“Where did you go?” He asked tiredly.

“The bathroom. I really, really needed to pee.” You said, Dean chuckled a little at your comment. “You know I wouldn’t willingly leave you right?” You reassured him again. You felt him nod in your hand.

“I know.” His voice sounding just a hint sad. “I uh, I feel stupid for freaking out.” The sentence was a whisper.

“There’s nothing to feel stupid about Dean.” Another reassurance. Dean had every right to react the way he did; he had lost so much, even before you had met him. You had been with him through everything. Witnessed so much loss and endured just as much. “Was it a nightmare?”

He nodded. “Yeah. It was the…the one where you break up with me.” You hated that one just as much as he did.

“I’m never going to break up with you. I love you too damn much.” You said, giving him a smile. You crawled into bed next to him getting underneath the covers. “Come here.” You held out your arms for him, and without hesitation he went into them. He wrapped his arms around your torso and rested his head on your chest; your arms wrapping around the back of his neck. Your fingers started playing with his hair, gently massaging his head.

The two of you sat there in silence, both of you with your eyes closed. You weren’t sleeping, but you were unsure if he was. Even if he wasn’t, his breathing was starting to get more even, he was starting to calm down. Hearing the sound of your heartbeat always calmed him down. “Y/N?” Dean asked.

“Yes my love?” You asked, opening your eyes.

He looked up at you briefly, tiredly. “I know I don’t tell you enough but…I’m really lucky to have you in my life. I honestly don’t know what I’d do without you.” He kissed your neck, as that was one of the only spots he could currently reach.

“I’m lucky to have you in my life too.” You responded, giving him a kiss on the top of his head.

“And Sweetheart?” He asked again.

“Yeah?” You asked.

“Thank you…thank you for not leaving me.” His voice sounding a little pained. The sound of this sentence had broken your heart a bit. Leaving Dean was never an option for you, no matter what had happened between the two of you. Being with him wasn’t easy, but you couldn’t imagine being with anyone else. He was your person, the love of your life, your soulmate. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” You kissed him on the top of the head again, and you could feel his smile.

That night, Dean didn’t have another nightmare, but he did dream. He had one of his favorite dreams; one that always gave him a sense of calmness and normalcy. The two of you would be just lying in bed together watching some random horror movie on tv. It was something that the two of you have done hundreds, no, thousands of times, so there would be no reason why it would be his so called favorite dream. What made it his favorite though was purely based on one small detail, a detail that made it known to him that it was in fact a dream: wedding rings would be on both of your fingers.

Someday maybe, he thought.

Tag List: @roseblue373 @beansproutmafia @queenie32 @deanwanddamons @missy420-0 @jackles010378 If you'd like to be on a tag list, just message me!

[bunnysbrainrot]

Sinners - Teaser

Relationship: Sam Winchester x Reader

Content: Explicit sexual content, teasing, more kinks and details to come with the full version, nothing too warning-worthy right now?

Summary: Disguised as a priest and nun on a case, time alone with Sam back at your motel is everything but holy. The taboo of your situation has Sam dealing with some… impure thoughts. Will Sam be able to contain himself?

In the past few weeks you and the Winchesters uncovered some suspicious deaths in a remote area of Georgia. The locations of the tragedies spanned over 50 miles apart, meaning that the team had to split up to cover more ground. Dean had split from you and Sam two days ago, and the night before in the motel had been fairly normal. It seemed like Dean did this on purpose; you had drunkenly admitted to him of your affection for his younger brother.

Whether or not Sam knew of this, you had no clue. And now in your nun getup, it was all too fitting that you began to pray that Sam was unaware. The two of you calmly made your way past the yellow police tape, preparing warm smiles for a victim’s family.

Sam knocked on the door, letting out a bated breath. Weren’t nuns supposed to dress modestly? Your outfit was the proper attire, but the way it hugged your curves left too much to Sam’s imagination. It was his turn to pray that it didn’t stir too much in him, to let him keep his composure.

An older man answered the door, his expression easing at the sight of your attire. Turns out this costume was better received than you thought. You had to channel your tone and proper verbiage before speaking.

“Apologies for showing up unannounced, Mr. Peters. I’m Father Jeremy, and this is our sister from a local church.” Sam waved a hand for you to introduce yourself.

You chose to use your name, seeing that this was your first nun-appearance.

“We’re here on behalf of the church to offer support for your family, but we also have a couple of questions, if you don’t mind.”

Hopefully there were no questions about the nearest Catholic church, otherwise this whole façade would crumble. Mr. Peters’ face only softened further.

“I’m glad you’re here, Father, Sister,” he addressed you with a sad smile, “Please, come in.”

Sam stepped in first, using a beckoning finger behind him to have you follow him. The house was modest, but eloquently decorated. You recalled the murder that had happened, that brought you to this town, and shuddered. Mr. Peters’ daughter had been brutally murdered and discarded in a creek, signs indicating the presence of a vampire. Their daughter had been missing for two weeks before the time of death, which is what you and Sam aimed to discover.

“Mr. Peters, we are part of a youth outreach program at the church. Our aim is to help troubled youth, with restorative services and social connection. We were wondering if your daughter had any odd behaviors before she went missing. Perhaps she became more secluded?”

The man looked confused at first, “Odd behavior?”

Sam gave a small nod, “We notice that teenagers in need of help oftentimes become more distant with their families. Our goal is to provide better services to our youth, which does include finding the source issue.”

Mr. Peters have a small background of his daughter, admitting that she had become distant with the family. Not just that, but her anger had only worsened, amongst several harmful habits. It wasn’t uncommon for teens to become immersed in the occult and all things dark, but being surrounded by the wrong people can lead to harmful connections.

“I see,” Sam started, “and do you know what kind of people she was surrounding herself with?”

Another confused look from Mr. Peters.

You added, “This way, we’re able to identify warning signs - things to be wary of as our youth members meet new people.”

This seemed to clear things up, bringing out a detailed recount of his daughter’s recent social group. But, their social media had been recently deleted, preventing the family from getting their closure. As far as they knew, their daughter had made new friends, ran from home, and was found brutally murdered.

Sam’s eyes darted to you when you shifted in your seat, the fabric of your black dress sliding gracefully along your thighs. He couldn’t put his finger on it, but seeing you dressed up like this sent his mind spinning. The last thing he should be thinking of is taking you dressed like this, but he couldn’t shake it. His mind raced of scenarios the two of you could create, each one dirtier than the last.

But right now, the task at hand was covering the tightness of his pants. He leaned forward, the broad muscles of his arms flexing beneath his black shirt. Blush creeped onto your cheeks, much to the attention of Mr. Peters, who looked at you with concern.

“Sister, are you feeling alright?”

You nodded and gave a small wave, “Oh, I’m fine. Just a little warm is all. I apologize.”

Mr. Peters stood, “No need to apologize, let me get you some cold water. I’ll only be one moment.”

The room had gone oddly quiet paired with Sam’s intent stare at your face. You turned to find a concerned Sam inspecting you fully.

“You sure you’re okay?” He asked softly.

A slight nod, “Yeah, it’s just stuffy in this outfit.”

“Well, once we’re back at the motel we can get you out of it.”

A beat later Sam realized how that sounded. He tried to backtrack, but Mr. Peters had already returned with your glass of water, which you gratefully sipped on. It took everything in your power to resist the images that came to mind. Sam’s hands roaming your body, stripping that baggy dress off of your body, his mouth finding every nook and cranny of your neck.

Sam seemed to have taken over the conversation for the last few moments before standing. Mr. Peters had already given a short list of his daughter’s friends, and their usual hang-out spots. Your attention snapped back to reality; you placed the water glass down with a small thank you, being pulled up by Sam.

His hand could practically wrap the entirety of your arm, his grip stable and warm. Goosebumps rose on your arms, brushing against the tough fabric of your dress. The air outside carried the comfort of fall, the breeze being cool and refreshing on your hot cheeks.

At the car, Sam reached for your door to open it for you, something completely new to the both of you. You glanced up at him with wide eyes. The movements he made to reach the handle had pulled your bodies dangerously close, fully brush against his chest, pressed into the car. A inexplicable scenario that would raise a few eyebrows, for certain.

“Sorry, I just didn’t want you to trip on your dress,” breathed Sam.

Honestly, he was thankful for the little slip up - being this close to you had been a wish of his, but there had never been any excuse for it to happen. Your focus shifted from his soft, hazel eyes down to his parted lips. Sam’s attention shifted to your lips, lowering to your chest for a split second. A selfish move on his part, but the damage had already been done.

Your hand fumbled for the door handle, fingers sliding over his own. The two of you shared another longing glance before getting you into the car. Sam tucked in loose bits of your dress so the door wouldn’t snag on them.

“Alright, hands and feet it, watch out,” he whispered. You noticed how his hands fumbled more than usual, surely due to the nerves. Perhaps you had been reading this wrong, maybe you had taken things too far? Maybe you had overstepped and embarrassed him?

“Thank you,” you replied, giving him a genuine smile. Sam’s cheeks flushed, unmistakably a sign that maybe your anxieties been just that. Simple anxieties from overthinking this whole thing.

Now settled in the car, the two of you made the trip back to the motel. After stepping inside you beelined for the bathroom.

At least, until Sam’s voice stopped you in your tracks.

“Hey, could I talk to you about something?”

You turned to face him, eyebrows raised. You’d be lying to yourself if you said your heart didn’t skip a beat.

“What’s up?”

With the silence in the room, you took the cue to sit on the bed. Sam towered in comparison, his lean physique defined by the lamplight.

His voice softened, “I’m sorry about earlier. I didn’t mean to get that close, I-“

“Sam, it’s okay,” you cut him off with a laugh, “don’t worry about it. I wasn’t bothered by it.”

He relaxed his shoulders. Sam began to dig through his bag for another set of clothes.

“You look good as a priest, by the way. You sell the bit nicely,” you stated.

What you said made his heart skip a beat. Was that a compliment, or just conversation? Sam couldn’t tell, so he turned to you once more with a goofy grin on his face.

“Thanks,” his expression darkened as his eyes raked you over, “You look good as a nun.”

There was no mistaking it - he was taking his time looking over you. Your breath hitched in your throat when he turned, leaned casually against the desk your bags laid on. You transfixed on the way his hands moved around his belt buckle. Mildly fiddling, but you couldn’t help but imagine him following through.

“Not my best outfit, but thank you,” you replied. Sam pushed away from the desk, slowly stepping toward the bed where you sat, tense with every step.

“I would agree there, you’ve worn better,” he commented.

You head snapped up to meet his eyes. A surprise note of flirtation filled your voice.

“Okay, so what’s my best outfit, then?”

He scoffed, “We playing twenty questions?”

You pointed to your outfits, smirking proudly at him, “Look at our getup, man, it’s like a confessional.”

A bright laugh came out of Sam; he tilted his head back as he thought.

“My answer isn’t exactly… appropriate.”

“Sam,” you laughed, “Confessional. You gotta tell me.”

He let out a groan before lowering his head, steadily giving you his answer, “Your dark jeans, and that long sleeve shirt. The, um… the one with the v-neck, you wore it almost every day over winter.”

“And that was inappropriate?”

“It’s why I like it that’s inappropriate.”

“Okay, then, why do you like it?”

The last thing you expected was for Sam to close the distance. He stepped until he was directly ahead, arms crossed over his chest as he locked eyes with you.

“It made your ass look nice.”

His tone was surprisingly serious, like he had been thinking of this answer for a while.

“Hugs your body in the right ways. And it makes your, well, chest… look nice.”

Sam humored your shocked expression but pushing things further. If you could dish it out, he could dish it back.

“What’s my best outfit?”

As you collected yourself, Sam stepped closer, bringing a hand to your cheek. He lifted your head, hai thumb grazing over your cheek.

“It’s a confessional. You have to tell me,” he joked, earning a slight glare from you. That sour face melted away when Sam placed his hand beneath your chin. He tilted your head back to have you look at him.

Shit.

“Jeans,” you breathed, “V-neck black shirt.”

Sam leaned in, brushing his lips across your cheek. The closeness set your skin ablaze, each trailing lip and finger sending shivers up your spine.

“Is that all?” Sam whispered.

His eyes met yours once again, a startling seriousness lurking inside. You pushed past the shyness of your answer. The honesty could break the tension that had building all this time.

“Pajama pants… no shirt. When you just get out of the shower.”

Sam’s lips curled into a satisfied smile before planting a slow kiss to your cheek. He moved gradually to your jawline, sprinkling chaste kisses until his lips hovered over yours.

“Have you wanted this?” he asked.

Your frustration was intangible - a bottle that had been shaken too much, and ready to blow. He was centimeters, millimeters away from giving you what you’d truly wanted. The silence between you signified the utter defiance to give him this so easily.

“Confessional,” Sam’s voice reverberated against you, but he offered nothing to your pleading lips, “tell me, little nun, have you thought about this? Wanted my lips on yours?”

A small whine escaped you as Sam’s hand lowered to your throat, pressing softly to the tender flesh. The loss of blood flow muddled your thoughts into complete ecstasy, with no urgency to regain control. With just one move, it was clear to Sam that you were undoubtedly his.

You gave him a small nod. A low growl thundered in his chest before pressing into you further, laying you flat on the bed. Locks of chestnut hair framed your face, with a breathy Sam hovering his mouth over your neck.

“Nodding doesn’t count. You gotta use your words, sweetheart.”

Amidst the constriction on your throat you nodded and choked out a small, "Yes."

Sam's growing smile is all you need to know you've satisfied something deeper within him. Darkness floods his eyes seeing you like this, utterly at his will under his touch. If he'd known sooner that this would be the outcome, he'd have bought that nun outfit ages ago.

"That's better," he whispered.

------

Hi everyone! I know it's just a teaser for now, but I wanted to show you something I've been working on! I've also been pretty busy with work and writing for my book series, so things have been a bit busy for sure haha

I love you all, and I keep an eye out for the full version of Sinners!

[lostgirl677]

They didn't destroy you

One-shot

Dean Winchester x Fem!Reader

Established relationship

Masterlist

Summary: After Dean escaped Hell, he's still traumatized and Y/N helps him through it.

A/N: It takes place at the beginning of season 4

A terrifying scream tore through the night, waking me up with a start and making my heart beat faster. Even in my hazy state, I already knew who it was. I tried to open my tired eyes completely, then jumped out of bed to quickly get up and ran to his bed. The sight broke my heart. Dean, the fearless hunter and one of the bravest men I knew, lying here, shivering. Dean was drenched in sweat and tears, and he was all tangled in his bedsheets. I knew he was having a nightmare again. I slowly approached his bedside. “Dean”, I called softly while shaking his shoulder but he fought back. “Dean, wake up,” I said again as I kept shaking him. His eyes suddenly shot open and his body jolted as he sat up on the bed. His hands gripped my shoulders, making me jump back. He looked at me, completely panicked and his breathing was seriously labored. I could almost hear his heart beating.

“Dean, it’s okay. You are fine. You are awake, it’s over.” I attempted as I wiped his tears and reassuringly caressed his arms. “Y/N?” he asked, a bit stunned, with a clear relief in his voice. I smiled a bit at him and answered “Yeah, it’s me.” He looked anxiously around us and realization seemed to strike him and he suddenly released his grip on my shoulders. But it was to immediately wrap his arms around my belly. My heart literally skipped a beat at his gesture and goosebumps formed all over my skin. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to… I hope I didn’t hurt you.” he said with a raspy voice as he buried his face in my shirt. I melted in his tender embrace and hugged him back while caressing his hair gently. I could feel his tears soaking my shirt. “It’s okay. Don’t worry.” I assured him softly. His embrace slowly became tighter and tighter with each of my words, and his sobs grew louder. My heart shattered in a thousand pieces at the sight of this broken man. The man I loved more than anything. Dean would normally never let me see this part of him. But that night showed me how broken he really was.

For a moment, it was like we were apart from the world around us. It was just him and I, with his uncontrollable sobs for background noise. The worst was that I couldn’t possibly console him. Not after what he’s been through in Hell. Nothing could ease such trauma and pain. So, instead of talking, I just kept caressing his hair. But suddenly, I felt Dean removing his head from my shirt and I immediately looked at him, concerned. His eyes were red and puffy from crying and his cheeks were tearstained. Gently, my hand made its way to his face to wipe the stray tears, and he leaned his head on my hand. And he just looked at me, his eyes piercing through my soul. Silent tears were still escaping his eyes. He kept staring at me, in silence, as the tears still escaped his eyes. His eyes had lost their youthful shine. The only thing making them shine, now, was the tears.

Then, he opened his mouth and broke the silence. “Back there.” he said, gulping. “Back there, I yelled your name endlessly. Till my throat hurt, till I lost my voice.” he added, as his voice broke a little. I felt my eyes pricking a bit at his words. And before I could say something, I heard him taking a breath. “I never stopped thinking about you. You helped me to not turn into one of them. You were my anchor to my humanity. To everything I ever believed in. They kept beating me, torturing me till my body fell apart. Just to rebuild it and to do it all over again. They kept  saying terrible things about you and Sam. That you had forgotten about me, that you never loved me. But sometimes, I was able to remember the loving gaze you always give me, all your loving words. I was so scared to become a demon and that you…” his voice completely broke this time. Tears were now falling freely on my cheeks, completely overwhelmed by what he said. Images of what he had been through were flashing in my mind, making his words even more impactful as I let my imagination take over.

Dean stretched his right hand to slowly stroke my cheek with his calleous thumb. A small smile appeared on my face. His soft side was still there, meaning they failed to destroy him. Slowly, I bent my knees to give him a gentle kiss on his rosy lips. At first a bit surprised, he kissed me back, closing his eyes as he melted in my contact. I then ended the kiss and carefully sat next to him. His hand lightly took mine and his eyes were still on me. “Dean.”, I began softly. “What you are telling me proves that the demons failed miserably. They didn’t destroy you. You are still the most loving, and the most selfless person I know.” His eyes became a bit brighter as tears appeared again. “Those fuckers are just liars. They know nothing about love. About you. About us. They don’t know all the things I did to try to get you back. They don’t know how much I love you. They are unable to fathom a love like ours. I’m going to help you through it. We’ll fight the nightmares together.” I made a pause and looked at his face. The expression of his eyes, full of love,  made my heart swell. “I love you, Y/N” was all he said. But he didn’t need to add anything else. All the unspoken words he wanted to say could be read in his eyes. And he leaned again for a soft kiss.

After that kiss, I finally got up to get him a glass of water but a gentle hand snaked around my wrist and his broken voice whispered “ Please, don’t leave me.”  I turned my head to look in his direction.I surrendered the idea of water and simply replied softly “I didn’t have the intention to.” I swiftly closed the distance between us and embraced him in my arms. After a few minutes in this position, I made a gesture to invite Dean to lay down. And we finally both laid down on the bed. Dean cried a bit longer on my chest before falling asleep. “I love you.” I mumbled as I placed a kiss on his forehead and I soon fell asleep too.

@hobby27

[insanesonofabitch]

How am I supposed to function like a normal human being when I’ve been made aware of the existence of destiel? Everytime I get close to being slightly functional, I’m reminded of shit like how someone wrote a script wherein Cas gets his very own personal heaven—a room full of half-naked pictures (some real and some badly edited) of Dean Winchester. Or how later on in the series, in another script draft of another episode, Cas gets shown another “heaven on earth” scenario where he spreads his wings full while, for some reason, specified to be shirtless in front of Dean. Or how Dean was supposed to confess his love to Cas way back in season 8. Or how his relationship with Benny and the then presumed dead Cas is paralleled to Amelia’s relationship with Sam and her then presumed dead husband. “Are we still talking about Sam, or did you break up with someone too?” Or how Dean was supposed to relive the life of Cain in reverse and kill Cas like Cain killed his wife Colette, while Cas and Colette are paralleled to each other, with how they both ask Dean and Cain to stop the killings right as they’re about to die by the hands of the ones they love. Or how they made several people imply and straight up tell Dean and Cas to their faces that they’re in love with each other and not once, not once does any of the both of them ever deny it. And how several times, over and over again, their enemies use this “more profound bond” against them. “You’re hoping Castiel would return to you. I admire your loyalty. I only wish he felt the same way.” “But then, his true weakness is revealed.” “Don’t lose it over one man.” “I’m gonna cure you of your human weakness.” “You blast me away you blast away every angel in the room.” “There comes a point where every relationship has run its course.” “Oh sweet. Cas, he’s dead. All the way dead. Because of you.” “There is nothing for you back there.” Or how Dean subtly references a queer movie while referring to Cas and himself as the queer main characters of the said queer movie…who were, by the way, in a relationship with each other. Or how they made Cas confess but killed him right off, and then soon later killed Dean off and implied he doesn’t pursue romantic relationships ever again, and never have him actually experience the life outside the “hamster wheel” that he fought for because they knew he could NEVER be happy living the unnamed wife one kid “normal” apple-pie life that they originally planned for him.

Or how part of the people behind this show actually fought for their story to be told because you CANNOT make all of this without someone, at the very least one person actively writing, portraying, or depicting them with the intention of telling a queer love story.

And then what? So I’m just supposed to ignore and gloss over and move on from all of this along with so much more like the show already did on the regular?

[kennarose1108]

Rio x Reader (YOU SAVE HIS LIFE) Part 2

Two months had gone by and Rio had healed mostly. But the relationship between you two had blossomed into something... More. There was already something new when you first saved his life but it had grown into something more than a companionship. But he never talked about it. It was nothing personal, he just didn't like talking about his feelings.

That's just who he was.

But he showed his affection in certain ways. Pet-names were a big one. Baby, sweetheart, baby-girl, and of course ma or mama. Another way is he liked putting his hands on you. Like if you had your back to him let's say, making something to eat, he'd put his hands on your shoulders and watch you. Or when he started to leave the apartment he'd give you a kiss on your head, forehead, or cheek before leaving. There was only one bed in the apartment and you offered to sleep on the couch but he refused, saying it was your own bed and you could sleep in it. But he wasn't much for cuddling. In bed, he liked his space but while you both slept you'd cuddle up to him but he didn't push you away or anything... But he'd still never admit he liked it.

When things started going back to normal for him he didn't want you going to meetings or getting involved with his work. He said it was 'too dangerous' and who were you to argue with him?

His other way of showing his affection is buying you things. You cannot even count how many pairs of dresses, shoes, handbags, and clothes in general he bought for you. You don't wear half of them but you appreciate them regardless.

He refused to talk about Beth, Annie, or Ruby. He just wouldn't. Which worried you. You didn't want them dead, you still cared for them.

So... Today you decided to leave while he was out on a meeting to visit Beth. He didn't like it when you left without him. It worried him. But what he didn't know wouldn't hurt him...

Right?

You quickly left the house and you had to walk to her house since the only car you both had was his and he was currently using it. Luckily you didn't live too far Beth. When you got to her house your stomach turned as nervousness hit you. What if she was dead? You don't think you would be able to handle it.

You got to her front door and your hand raised to knock on the door but you hesitated. But you quickly swallowed the lump in your throat before knocking quickly. You heard footsteps walking towards the door and thank god it was heels. Unless Dean was wearing Beth's heels you knew it was Beth coming towards the door. You let out a relieved sigh before another lump filled your throat... Shit... What would you say to her? How do you explain that you saved the person who had been torturing her for months and now wants revenge?

But before you could think any further the door opened. Beth took in who you were and she let out a small gasp. Her lips parted and her eyes widened.

"Hey, Beth..." You choke out.

---------------------

You were now sitting in her kitchen. She made some coffee and handed you the mug and you took a sip. She leaned against the island in her kitchen and stared at you.

"I'm sorry for... Not answering your calls... Or when you came to my apartment you banged on my door but I didn't answer..." You say while staring at the mug in your hands. She stared at you for a solid thirty seconds before finally speaking, "Is he alive?" She asks. You couldn't answer that question... Which was an answer in itself but she wanted to hear it from you.

"Y/N-" "Yes." You say. She lets out a shaky sigh. "You saved him... Why?!" She shouted. "He was dying Beth!" "He did horrible things to us! For months! We were free! We had a way out and you went and saved his life?!" She scoffs.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" She yells. You shake your head. "Why did you even come here?" She asks. "...To make sure you were still alive." You finally looked at her since you entered her home. She stared at you with a facial expression of disgust, anger, and fear.

"You went missing. For months. We didn't know what happened to you. You didn't answer our calls, our texts, whenever we went to your apartment you never answered..." She says. "I couldn't." You sigh. "I shouldn't even be here..." You take another sip of coffee and the warm liquid soothes you a bit.

"Is he keeping you captive?" She asks. You shake your head, "No... He... Cares about me." Beth scoffs again. "Oh please..." She says with a roll of her eyes. "If he didn't I'd be dead right now. But I'm not. That means something, doesn't it?" You say. Beth just stared at you and you didn't have anything left to say... Except this, "If I were you I'd leave town. He's not too pleased with you and he's been leaving the apartment recently... It's a matter of time before he shows up here." You say before standing to your feet. "Thank you for the coffee but I have to go." You turn to leave but she calls out to you, "Y/N wait!" She quickly runs up to you.

"Will I see you again?" She asks. You think for a moment... Will you see her again? You sigh. "No. Because if you do I'll be with him. And I think we both know how that will go." You say before turning and leaving her home.

You walk home with a mind full of thoughts and a heavy heart. But it only got worse when you got to the apartments and saw Rio's car in the parking lot. Your heart skipped a beat...

He came home early.

What would you say? What would you do? Should you walk away? Should you face him?

You need to face him.

You went inside the apartment complex and to your apartment door. You let out a sigh before unlocking and opening the door... There he was. In all of his glory. Just sitting on the couch, staring at the wall, and seemingly lost in though. You shut the door behind you and stood there.

"I can explain..." You say. "Oh yeah?" He says without moving his gaze from the wall. He stood up and kept his gaze on the floor before walking over to you. Once he stood in front of you he finally looked at you. "Where did you go?" He asks.

"...Out." You croak out. He raises his eyebrows, "Out?" He repeats. "Where is... 'Out'?" He asks. You hesitated before saying, "I went to Beth's..." He sighs deeply. You both stared at each other. You weren't afraid, you knew he wouldn't hurt you. You were just nervous. Nervous of making him upset with you.

He clicks his tongue, "Did you tell her I was alive?" He asks. You don't answer which then... He knew. He sighs and turns away from you, "Goddammit Y/N..." He mutters. "I'm sorry... But she asked and what was I supposed to say?" "No. You were supposed to say no." "Is that a rule all of a sudden?" You two argue.

He walks back over to the couch and sits down. "Are you mad at me?" You ask. "...I'm not mad you left. Because you can leave whenever you want... But I'm upset you told Beth. I wanted to keep it quiet for a little longer." He says. You walk over to the couch and sit next to him.

"Sorry... I just wanted to see her again. I should've expected she'd ask about you." You say while sighing deeply. "It's fine. I'll just speed up my plan." He says before placing a kiss on the side of your head. "...Plan? Are you going to kill her?" You ask. "Does it matter?" You scoff. "Yes! It matters. She's my friend Rio..." This time he scoffs, "She tried to kill me Y/N." Shit, He was getting mad. If he didn't use any pet-names that means he was getting pissed.

"I-I know but-" "But nothing. We're not negotiating this." He says. "So that's it? You just kill my friend and that's the end of it?" "Yeah." He answers quickly. You stare at him with a tearful gaze, which he hates. He didn't like seeing you upset. But there was no way he was going to negotiate something this important.

He sighs, "Listen to me," He starts while gently resting his hand on the back of your head. "You're my girl... Alright? And I would do anything to make you happy... But she tried to kill me." He says while rubbing his thumb in circles over the back of your head. A tear rolled down your cheek but he was quick to wipe it away. "...Please. Keep Annie and Ruby out of it." You beg. He nodded. "I can do that." He says softly.

"But let's forget about this for now," He wraps his arm around your shoulders and pulls you closer to him. "How about you and I go out tonight hm...? You can put those pretty clothes to use." You smile and play with the rings on his fingers. "I'd like that..."

------------------------------------

You were both now at his favorite bar. Since it was a Friday night it was booming so when you both got out of the car he grabbed your hand and interlocked his fingers with yours as you both entered the bar. He pulled you through the bar until he got to stools and you both sat down. You both ordered some drinks and after that he looked at you with a smirk.

"What?" You say with a chuckle. He leans in and gently brushes your hair behind your hair and whispers, "You look stunning..." And you did. You were wearing a cherry red clubbing dress with black heels and jewelry and of course, your makeup was done. You smile at him with a faint blush on your cheeks. "Thank you." You say. "What do you think of this place?" He asks. "It's nice. But with you, I was expecting something... More." You say. He raises an eyebrow at you, "Oh yeah? Like what ma?" He asks curiously.

You shrug, "I dunno... Just more." You say with a smirk while crossing one of your legs over the other which you saw how Rio looked down at your legs before leaning back. The bartender brought your drinks and you both take a sip out of your drinks.

You felt a presence behind you, a guy leaning on the bar while looking at you up and down. He was too close to you in Rio's eyes and he didn't like it. Rio grabbed your chair and pulled you closer to him in the most obvious way possible.

The guy behind you takes the hint and rolls his eyes before walking away. You chuckle, "Jealous?" He smirks. "Of course. You're my girl." He says while brushing some hair behind your shoulders.

You both sat and talked and drank just a little bit. You both didn't dance or party, you just enjoyed being out with each other. Eventually, you both left and went home. You were now just entering your apartment.

"These heels are killing me. I haven't worn a pair in a long time." You say while taking off your heels and setting them next to the door. He just smiles at you.

You smile back at him before cupping one side of his cheek and kissing the other. "Thank you for taking me out tonight... I had fun." You turn to walk to the bedroom but he grabs your wrist and pulls you back into him. He holds his hands on your waist and presses his forehead against yours. He lets out a deep sigh and enjoys the feeling of you against him.

"...You're important to me. Y'know that?" He says. You nod slowly. But as you both stand there he leans in further and kisses you. This is the first time he has kissed you on the lips... It felt good... It felt amazing.

One of his hands went to your jaw and his tongue slipped into your mouth. The kiss was slow, sensual, and full of emotion. He cared for you, deeply, and you cared for him. As you both kissed each other it started to get more passionate and lust-filled. Both of his hands were on your face now as he kissed you hard. He then lifted you off the ground, making you wrap your legs around his waist, before he carried you off to the bedroom.

PART 3

[i-already-know-im-going-2-hell]

I think something that just occured to me is I don't think people realize how like, not normal codependent relationships are, even platonic ones.

Like, if you look at the Winchesters and call them codependent and stop there to explain their weirdness, you're not wrong, but like codependent implies that some natural relationship lines are being crossed.

Maybe they're not sexual, but codependent implies extremes regardless. These are not normal levels of emotion. These are not normal levels of need of the others closeness, emotional, physical, or otherwise. These are unhealthy, excessive, levels of interpersonal need.

Meaning that even if you don't define Sam and Dean as the erotically codependent beings angels canonically assign them as, these are not normal or healthy siblings.

They are self and peer reviewed codependent weirdos. Honestly, who actually cares if they're fucking, that's the least weird thing about their fucked up relationships.

Dean overriding his little brothers autonomy in a metaphor for allowing Sam to be raped just so that Sam will stay alive and Dean won't lose him? Much much weirder and darker than just them fucking.

Sam turning to a incessant murder machine everytime his brother dies fully in either a need to seek revenge or a need to make a trickster give him back? Yeah trust me, the blow jobs would be more normal.

Like, truly, codependent is not the cop out you think it is. By acknowledging they are, you are acknowledging they have an unhealthy, unnormal, weird relationship. One that according to the definition from the dictionary, is often times used to describe partners:

I just, truly, if this is how people view their siblings, I'm begging them to do some introspection or use like a therapist as a sounding board to see if their relationship with their siblings is healthy. Because if you look at Sam and Dean and see an average sibling relationship that's the same as yours and your siblings, then I'm concerned. And you should be concerned too

[delicatestones]

Various Parahuman Teen Couples Go To The Mall

Brian and Taylor: Going to the mall is a normal thing neither of them enjoy, which is precisely why they convince themselves that they should do it. Brian musters up hope that he will be able to carry Taylor's bags and wait for her on benches outside of clothes stores, which will affirm his value as a man. Taylor, who only wants to buy a single hoodie, anxiously refuses to let Brian carry her bag because she doesn't want to be a burden, which banishes Brian to the Masculine Insecurity Pocket Dimension in his own mind. They attempt to rally by going to the food court, where they try to have an awkward 'normal' conversation over greasy pizza slices.

Fortunately, a supervillain they have history with attacks the mall mid-pizza, and they rush off to change in the mall bathrooms and return to thoroughly beat the interloper's ass. Brian apologizes for the mall date going wrong (secretly relieved, also deeply compelled by watching Taylor break a guy's arm with a baton) while Taylor says it's no big deal (even more relieved, mesmerized by Brian's visible sweat on the back of his neck). They may or may not awkwardly touch hands at the fire exit before they flee the scene of the crime.

Krouse and Noelle (Pre-Simurgh): On a quest for limited edition Ransack merch at the Gamestop, which turns out to be all sold out or on reserve. Krouse tries to social engineer it out of the clerk anyway, but Noelle gets so visibly uncomfortable he desists. In the depths of excruciating failure he says something shitty about the guy's haircut after they leave the store and Noelle tells him he's being a dick, which he apologizes excessively for in a way that just makes it more awkward.

In a now desperate effort to turn things around, Krouse tries to lighten the mood by latching onto listing Alternative Mall Activities including one of those photo booth set ups. He makes fun of how cliche they are and how it would be completely lame if they went into one, which transitions into cajoling Noelle to join him in this extremely cringe activity for the bit. She says her hair looks dumb and she doesn't want to, so he gallantly offers her his over-sized hoodie so she can hide her face the entire time, a gesture he does not realize extends the shelf life of their relationship for a solid two weeks. His visible joy when she agrees to the idea adds another week to the tail end of that. They hold hands on the way to the parking lot.

His copy of their photos becomes an instantly precious memento he sticks on the wall above his bed; Noelle puts hers in her picture shoebox in her closet. He spends all night on E-bay overbidding for the merch.

Krouse and Noelle (Post-Simurgh): Twelve Injured One Dead In 'Food Court Nightmare'.

Dean and Victoria: It takes Victoria half an hour to get ready for a mall trip. Dean shows up too early to pick her up and engages Carol Dallon in small talk for twenty minutes, a time span in which Carol manages to list every single one of Victoria's deepest insecurities in the form of barely veiled criticism while Dean smiles like he's being held at gunpoint.

At the mall they get stopped outside the Gap by a gaggle of Glory Girl preteen fans. Dean holds Victoria's bags (many) while she goes through the New Wave Fan Experience Checklist. Victoria says something afterwards to him on the way to the next store that hints at the Dallon Torment Nexus. Dean continues smiling and offers the mildest possible effort at sympathy, which Victoria reacts to with virulent irritation, so he gives up and buys her a mall outlet jewelry store diamond tennis bracelet instead. Thus mollified, she proceeds to allow him to obtain Jamba Juice for the both of them. It's another normal (bad) day in Brockton Bay.

Aisha and Alec: There strictly to cause problems for the sake of causing problems. Alec 'distracts' the staff at Hot Topic by faking a fall into a rack of studded belts and loudly insisting he will sue them for emotional and psychic damages while Aisha shoplifts bracelets. They buy hot pretzels and perch on the edge of the mall fountain marked 'NO LOITERING' to conspicuously loiter while occasionally kicking each other in the ankle. When a security guard tries to get them to move they collaborate on roasting his bloodline back to medieval times, triggering rent-a-cop wrath and a threat to call the Real Cops.

Now officially Wronged By The System, they decamp to breaking into the mall's back corridors (going through an unlocked access door) to vandalize the security office while throwing gummy worms at each other's mouths and missing 70% of the time. In high spirits, they make their cunning exit (leaving through the same door) and sneak into a horror movie at the mall theater halfway through its run time. They heckle the on-screen slasher victims for being idiots until an usher shows up with the original security guard, and then book it for the outside world while laughing like small and charming hyenas.

They agree they should totally rob the mall for real later, preferably while Brian and Taylor are on their make-up mall date, because they are good and kind teammates who only want the best for them.

(This post inspired by the learned discourses of Wormblr character understanders, particularly users lakesbian and simurghed. Any mischaracterizations and errors are my own. These hypotheticals are a non-representative sample of Ways They Could Be At The Mall.)

[scoobydoodean]

would love to hear more about the “chuck was the one who brainwashed cas and kelly actually” theory, thank you :)

Okay so I'm going to sound like I'm not addressing your question at all at first but just bear with me.

One of the primary reasons that the baby brainwashing incident fascinates me is that Cas's actions are a betrayal of his and Dean's bond on a foundational level. I'm not talking about The Colt or the mixtape (though they're related).

Dean and Cas's relationship as handler and charge was shed and a real, genuine bond bloomed in 4.22, after this exchange:

DEAN Destiny? Don't give me that "holy" crap. Destiny, God's plan... It's all a bunch of lies, you poor, stupid son of a bitch! It's just a way for your bosses to keep me and keep you in line! You know what's real? People, families -- that's real. And you're gonna watch them all burn? CASTIEL What is so worth saving? I see nothing but pain here. I see inside you. I see your guilt, your anger, confusion. In paradise, all is forgiven. You'll be at peace. Even with Sam. DEAN You can take your peace... and shove it up your lily-white ass. 'Cause I'll take the pain and the guilt. I'll even take Sam as is. It's a lot better than being some Stepford bitch in paradise. 

These are the words that convince Cas to rebel. These are the words that dissolve Cas's doubts in doubt, and convince him to follow his convictions instead of act on blind faith. Shortly after this conversation, Cas flies Dean to Chuck, who tells them what they're up to isn't supposed to happen. This becomes a theme of Dean and Cas's relationship.

Together, Dean and Cas do things that aren't supposed to happen—that aren't part of God's plan. They do something Chuck explicitly says isn't supposed to happen in 4.18. They do something that Chuck explicitly says isn't supposed to happen in 4.22. They do something that Chuck explicitly says isn't supposed to happen in 5.22.

Dean and Cas's relationship, at its very core, is built upon the rejection of two things: 1) Destiny and 2) Paradise—and by the end of "The Future", Cas explicitly (in the production draft) embraces destiny and paradise... and that screams Chuck.

This is what Cas says to Kelly right after the devil baby brainwashing at the very end of "The Future". The "Paradise" part doesn't make it to the final cut—just the "future" part... but the Paradise part is implied by the "future" part anyway.

What else happens in "The Future"? Kelly says the line.

It's not supposed to happen this way.

She says the line that Chuck said every time Dean and Cas defied the writing during the first apocalypse by doing something Chuck couldn't or didn't anticipate. Kelly says this after Sam and Dean catch up to Castiel—after Sam and Dean convince Cas to just talk through all of this with them and not jump to the nuclear option of murdering Kelly—to consider an alternative plan where Kelly and Jack's lives are both preserved because Jack is born a regular baby. The moment Cas begins to agree to talk, Kelly says "It's not supposed to happen this way."

Now let's talk about Kelly. Her behavior this entire episode is insane. She begins the episode despairing because giving birth to Jack will kill her. She then tries to kill herself, but Jack won't let her die—and this throws Kelly into a sort of religious fervor—convincing her that Jack is actually good and could revolutionize the world. Her belief in this is so powerful that when Sam and Dean arrive, she immediately rejects the plan they've come up with that will spare her and Jack's lives:

Sam: No, Kelly, if you go with Cass, you die. Your baby dies. Kelly: I go with you, you take away the thing that makes him special.

She sounds nuts. Like. Imagine saying you'd rather you and your baby DIE than have a "normal" baby. Your baby HAS to be a special baby or you'd rather be dead? Uh... ew—and to a point that screams supernatural brainwashing.

Of course—Kelly's actions aren't quite as irrational as they seem because right before Sam and Dean arrived, Kelly was shown something by "Jack". She got Cas to lay his palm on her belly, and "Jack" showed her a vision of the future. After she takes off with Cas in the impala, she says,

When you put your hand on my stomach, I heard him. He spoke to me. He told me that even if it seems scary, if I just went to the gate, if I just followed your plan, that you would make sure he was born.

So even as she's driving herself straight into Cas's plan to kill her and her baby, Kelly believes everything will be fine—because "Jack" showed her the future... and the thing is? She's... not wrong. "Jack" did show her the future. "Jack" showed her a tiny moment that actually does happen at the end of the episode—Cas standing between her and Dagon and saying "You stay away from her".

Why do I keep putting "Jack" in quotes here? Because Jack never displays the ability to see the future after his birth, and yet "Jack" did have this power from the womb... only? Yeah... I'm not so sure. I'm wondering if it was someone else—someone who showed Kelly what they had already written.

I'll also note in 13.01, that Jack doesn't seem to remember... any of this happening—at least not in the same way. In fact, he recalls very little leading up to his birth. The way he describes it, his sole knowledge of the world prior to his birth came from Kelly speaking to him while he was in the womb... but also... not? Because he says he was Kelly?

SAM: How do you speak English? JACK: My mother taught me. SAM: So you talked to her. JACK: I was her. JACK: My mother, she said Castiel, he would keep me safe. She said the world was a dangerous place. That's -- that's why I couldn't be a baby or a child. I... That's why I had to grow up fast. That's why I chose him to be my father. Where is he?

It's all pretty confusing, but something blinks at me here: Jack says Kelly told him Castiel would keep him safe and indicates that he chose Castiel as his father based on Kelly's assessment. However, Kelly told us Jack showed her the future which told her that Castiel would keep Jack safe back in 12.19. These are two contradictory stories. What if a third party sowed both?

Two other little bits:

First:

Kelly: Maybe – maybe everything that I've been through, everything that I still have to go through, is happening for a reason. Maybe it's part of some plan. Castiel: No, it isn't. I used to believe in a plan. I used to believe that I had some mission. But I have been through enough now to know that everyone is just winging it. 

Castiel does a 180 on this by the end of the episode and it screams Chuck Chuck Chuck Chuck.

Second:

If you go to the 12.19 production draft (graciously provided to the fandom through @/spnscripthunt) on page 45, you'll see something that never made it to screen—Cas's vision of paradise.

Only—these visions don't seem to come to fruition unlike Kelly's vision of Cas protecting her. The bits with Dean and Castiel's wings don't feel like the future anyway—they... just feel like what Cas wants most desperately at that time—to be a protector and provider who can handle everything on his own—who needs a "win". This is another theme of the episode. Cas stole The Colt in a misguided attempt to protect his family from having to be directly involved in the ruthless murder Cas had determined would be necessary. He didn't believe there was any other choice, and he wanted to spare Sam and Dean the pain of being involved in the dirty work.

Sam: Then – Then why didn't you call us? Cas, we could've helped you. Castiel: I know. I wanted to keep you out of this. I-I was trying to keep you safe. Dean: You're not our babysitter, Cas, okay? That is not your job. And when in our whole lives have we ever been safe?

This probably stings for Cas because he knows they aren't, and he wants them to be—he wants his family to be safe... all without having to discard his conscience by killing Kelly. He wants her to be safe too! The stuff he sees gives him what he wants--Sam and Dean and Kelly happy and safe—Dean thanking him—Cas once more a fully powered angel who doesn't need anybody's help.

But all of this stuff he sees? It's a lie. It's a lie because it never happens, but it's also a lie because destiny is always a lie. Paradise is always a lie. God's plan is just a way to keep them all in line... and Cas is trying to secure paradise for someone who said they'd take the pain and the guilt over someone else's vision of their paradise.

[bisaster-energy]

literally don't listen to the oh hellos valley album if thinking about sam winchester makes u feel anything because those songs are so fucking samcoded it'll tear ur heart out