#death is my favorite pratchett character hands down

[terramythos]

TAYLOR READS 2023: GUARDS! GUARDS! BY TERRY PRATCHETT

Title: Guards! Guards! (1989)

Author: Terry Pratchett

Genre/Tags: Fantasy, Comedy, Mystery, Third-Person

Rating: 9/10

Date Began: 07/02/2023

Date Finished: 07/23/2023

Corruption is nothing new to the ancient city of Ankh-Morpork. But when a secret society desperate to seize power summons a dragon to terrorize the city, even its resident thieves, murderers, and hustlers seem at a loss to stop it.

The City Watch has long been a running joke with no real power to enforce the law. Nevertheless, Captain Vimes finds himself caught up in the mystery behind the dragon— but must overcome his own shortcomings to help save his city.

Ankh-Morpork! Brawling city of a hundred thousand souls! And, as the Patrician privately observed, ten times that number of actual people. The fresh rain glistened on the panorama of towers and rooftops, all unaware of the teeming, rancorous world it was dropping into. Luckier rain fell on upland sheep, or whispered gently over forests, or patterned somewhat incestuously into the sea. Rain that fell on Ankh-Morpork, though, was rain that was in trouble.

For live reading notes, check the reblogs (contains unmarked spoilers).

Content warnings and review (spoiler-free and spoiler versions) under the cut.

Content Warnings: Mentioned -- Fantasy!racism, homophobia, sexual harassment, genocide, torture, animal death, incest Depicted -- Death, alcoholism, sexual humor/innuendo (like, a lot), addiction, misogyny, drug use

**SPOILER-FREE REVIEW**

This is my first Discworld book. I read Good Omens many years ago, which was co-authored by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman. But while I enjoyed that novel, I always wanted to read Pratchett’s solo works. I’ve heard universally positive things about Pratchett as a writer and Discworld in particular, so it’s been on my reading list for years. I finally decided to go for it, picked a random book based on fan recommendations, and dove into Guards! Guards!

… And I enjoyed it even more than I thought I would. I knew going in that Discworld is a comedic fantasy series, so I fully expected jokes and clever quips. One challenge with comedy is telling a funny joke without punching down or being overly mean-spirited, but Pratchett totally nails it. Guards! Guards! is hysterically funny. It’s impossible to list the best gags because there are so many good ones. However one of my favorite bits is toward the beginning, when a mysterious figure is trying to meet his secret society in the pouring rain, finds a shady looking door, answers the doorkeeper’s over-the-top esoteric passphrases, only to discover he’s at the WRONG secret society. The two have an ordinary exchange of pleasantries while the doorkeeper directs him to the right place. It’s great stuff. In general, I like that Guards! Guards! is a self-aware deconstruction of high fantasy, but it’s never over the top in its commentary.

But what pleasantly surprised me about the book was its ability to be genuinely funny yet treat serious topics with the gravity they deserve. Guards! Guards! has many philosophical observations about loneliness, poverty, human nature, and more. Pratchett has a knack for knowing when to be funny and when to step back and discuss things in a mature, honest way. I think the comedy makes the serious subject matter all the more poignant.

Captain Vimes is the protagonist, but there are many perspective characters, and they all feel distinct and interesting. I especially like Lady Ramkin, The Librarian (who’s a sapient orangutan— hell yeah), and what little we see of the Patrician. Death’s handful of appearances are all memorable and fantastic. Guards! Guards! starts as a small scale mystery that gradually expands to a city-wide conflict. Pratchett nails the pacing; the rising stakes are totally believable, and I never felt like the plot was boring or treading water. It is a satisfying and entertaining story from start to finish.

I loved the book and highly recommend it, but I do have some caveats and criticisms to keep in mind.

Guards! Guards! centers around Ankh-Morpork’s City Watch, who are essentially the police. However, I do not consider this work to be copaganda. The City Watch are comically underpowered and ineffectual; their low status is a major plot point and recurring joke throughout the novel. They have no means to do great harm or great good, nor do they have the funding or social status that modern police do. The four City Watch characters are also not portrayed in a universally heroic light. They’re petty, often selfish people who occasionally do the right thing (though Carrot might be an exception). I found myself rooting for protagonist Captain Vimes, but purely because of his personal struggles, not his job. In general the Discworld is so far removed from the socio-political structure and history of our world that the analogue between the Watch and modern police is surface level at best. That being said, I understand others may not be comfortable with this premise.

My primary criticism is, as with many fantasy novels, a lack of female characters. Lady Sybil Ramkin is an INCREDIBLE character; she’s funny, bald, physically imposing. unapologetically fat, and remarkably intelligent. She was a joy to read and definitely one of my favorite characters. I have little patience for obligatory love interest characters, but Ramkin stands on her own and is integral to the plot— Vimes just also has a crush on her, and the sexual tension between them is VERY funny. That being said, she is also the only notable female character in a large, male-dominated cast. One could argue there’s a second one, but that's very subjective and a spoiler (more on it in that section). I don’t think any book is beholden to an arbitrary checklist of representation, but is is a shame to see such an unbalanced cast.

**SPOILER REVIEW**

Guards! Guards! did have some genuinely surprising twists and turns. It took me a long time to figure out Lupine Wonse was the self-titled Supreme Grand Master. I knew it had to be someone we met in the story, but to me Wonse came across as nothing more than a competent yet underappreciated secretary. In retrospect it makes a lot of sense; the desire for power one might feel in that role, his extra characterization/connection to Vimes, his name being a play on “a wolf in sheep’s clothing”, and so on. But he had me fooled until the first “light reveal” before the story directly confirms he’s the culprit.

The dragon being female is a funny twist. It explains Errol the swamp dragon’s odd behavior. The story frames him as a hopeless underdog instinctively wanting to challenge a more powerful dragon for territory, so the reveal he’s really just looking to court her is hysterical. That being the resolution to the dragon problem is thematically sound. After all, Ankh-Morpork is not a city of heroes, so why would there be some heroic dragon slayer as alluded to throughout the story? The dragon is the second “major female character” I mentioned earlier. And she IS a character, especially when she and Wonse discuss the concept of human sacrifice late into the novel. But since we don’t even know her sex until the end of the story, I don’t think she really counts. As a side note, I do wonder if the dragon in Shrek took inspiration from this book…

One spoiler scene I REALLY enjoyed is Death infiltrating the secret society right before they get annihilated by the dragon. After all, Death wears a shadowy cowl, much like the Brethren, so no one suspects him. It’s delicious dramatic irony, because the reader can identify Death right away from his unique dialogue. But of course, none of the Brethren know this… until it’s too late.

Among the serious subjects discussed in the novel, the Patrician’s monologue at the end about human nature and evil hit me hard. He argues that the view of humans as good or evil is inherently flawed. Instead he calls all humans inherently evil in consistent, small ways: "Down there… are people who will follow any dragon, worship any god, ignore any iniquity. All out of a kind of humdrum, everyday badness… They accept evil not because they say yes but because they don’t say no.” Guards! Guards! was published in 1989, but this is a very specific thing I’ve thought about for years, especially applied to modern US politics. I think about registered Republicans who happily vote for fascist monsters because they only care about gun rights, because the genocide of minority groups isn’t a dealbreaker to them. Whether it’s propaganda, apathy, ignorance, or some combination of the three that drives this decision, the result is the same. If one chooses to do nothing to prevent evil, are they themselves evil? I am inclined to say yes.

Vimes ultimately disagrees with him, instead arguing that people are just people with no specific morality inherent to them. This is supported by Vimes as a character; he’s not a shining paragon of humanity, but he ultimately chooses to do the right thing even in the face of certain death. I can understand this view as well. I agree that doing good things is an active choice one must make. My current perspective is a balance between both arguments. Inaction in the face of evil makes one evil by association. But the decision to do good, especially in difficult circumstances, can also make one good. I don’t think Guards! Guards! is going to resolve my own dilemma on the matter; it’s something I will continue to think about for a long time. But it’s not a subject I expected to find or seriously contemplate when I picked up this book.

Wow, that got a little heavy. Anyway, I really enjoyed Guards! Guards! and already have some other Discworld books lined up to read. Looking forward to more!

[smalltownfae]

Annual End Of Year Survey – 2021

I just decided to answer this survey now because it seemed fun. Long post ahead.

Number Of Books You Read: 94 Number of Re-Reads: 6 Genre You Read The Most From: Fantasy

1. Best Book You Read In 2021? (If you have to cheat — you can break it down by genre if you want or 2021 release vs. backlist)

I read many good books, but when it comes to number 1 there is no real competition: "Dawn" by Octavia E. Butler.

2. Book You Were Excited About & Thought You Were Going To Love More But Didn’t?  

"The Burning God" by R. F. Kuang, "Sense and Sensibility" by Jane Austen, "The Witness for the Dead" by Katherina Addison and "Senlin Ascends" by Josiah Bancoft. DNFs: "Circe" by Madeline Miller, "The Paying Guests" by Sarah Waters, "The City of Brass" by S.A. Chakraborty and "The Bear and the Nightingale" by Katherine Arden. I really thought I was going to love these and then i didn't.

3. Most surprising (in a good way or bad way) book you read?    

"Dawn" by Octavia E. Butler. I wouldn't even try it from that synopsis if I didn't have complete fate in this author at that point.

4. Book You “Pushed” The Most People To Read (And They Did)?

I can't really remember all of them, but "Piranesi" by Susanna Clarke was one of them. Oh! The Poppy War trilogy too of course. "The Forgotten Beasts of Eld" by Patricia A. McKillip was another one I think. I made at least 3 people read these.

5. Best series you started in 2021? Best Sequel? Best Series Ender of 2021?

Best series I started: Xenogenesis trilogy by Octavia E. Butler

Best Sequel: "The Dragon Republic" by R.F. Kuang

Best Series Ender: "The Wisdom of Crowds" by Joe Abercrombie (even though the series isn't done yet, but the trilogy is)

6. Favorite new author you discovered in 2021?

Patricia A. McKillip and Kazuo Ishiguro!

7. Best book from a genre you don’t typically read/was out of your comfort zone?

"Convenience Store Woman" by Sayaka Murata, which is a contemporary novel.

8. Most action-packed/thrilling/unputdownable book of the year?

"Iron Widow" by Xiran Jay Zhao. There were other books that I couldn't put down but none that were this action-packed and fast paced.

9. Book You Read In 2021 That You Would Be MOST Likely To Re-Read Next Year?

Hmmm I don't want to reread any of them already. Maybe "Hogfather" by Terry Pratchett for Christmas again (?)

10. Favorite cover of a book you read in 2020?

(Unfortunately I didn't care for the book):

11. Most memorable character of 2021?

Nikanj from the Xenogenesis trilogy. It's gotta be it. Honorable mentions: Lilith Iyapo from the same trilogy, Rin and Kitay from the Poppy War, Deth from "The Riddle-Master of Hed" and Sybel from "The Forgotten Beasts of Eld".

12. Most beautifully written book read in 2021?

"The Forgotten Beasts of Eld" + "The Changeling Sea" by Patricia A. McKillip. I wanna drown in her lyrical writing style. I love it so much (in small doses).

13. Most Thought-Provoking/ Life-Changing Book of 2021?

It's "Dawn" again... I am sorry. It is what it is.

14. Book you can’t believe you waited UNTIL 2021 to finally read? 

HOGFATHER!!! It was on my list for years... almost a decade. What was I waiting for all this time, really?

15. Favorite Passage/Quote From A Book You Read In 2021?

“When you open your mind and hands and heart to the knowing of a thing, there is no room in you for fear.” - The Riddle Master of Hed, Patricia A. McKillip

16.Shortest & Longest Book You Read In 2021?

Shortest: "Lullaby for a Lost World" by Aliette de Bodard; Longest: "Fool's Fate" by Robin Hobb (reread)

17. Book That Shocked You The Most (Because of a plot twist, character death, left you hanging with your mouth wide open, etc.)

"Dawn"... by O... you already know this one so... The 3 McKillip books I read, I guess. She is really good at not going where I was expecting or at least take a different path to get there.

18. OTP OF THE YEAR (you will go down with this ship!)(OTP = one true pairing if you aren’t familiar)

Wu Zetian x Li Shimin x Gao Yizhi. They might not be the most complex characters ever, but I love them so much. I especially love that they are all together in that relationship <3 That book brought me so much joy. I am really looking forward for that sequel.

19. Favorite Non-Romantic Relationship Of The Year

Fang Runin and Chen Kitay!!! 100% one of the best friendships I have ever read.

20. Favorite Book You Read in 2021 From An Author You’ve Read Previously

The answer is "Dawn" again!!! I had read 3 books by Octavia E. Butler already when I read that one. I will also say "The Haunting of Hill House" by Shirley Jackson, even though "Piranesi" and "Hogfather" also qualify.

21. Best Book You Read In 2021 That You Read Based SOLELY On A Recommendation From Somebody Else/Peer Pressure/Bookstagram, Etc.

"Fire and Hemlock" by Diana Wynne Jones, I guess. I mean, I knew I liked DWJ books already...

22. Newest fictional crush from a book you read in 2021?

I don't have these things really.

23. Best 2021 debut you read?

Debut? Not new to me author? "Iron Widow" I guess... it was the only debut I read ahah

24. Best Worldbuilding/Most Vivid Setting You Read This Year?

*sighs* I'm not a super fan of worldbuilding detail, but Discworld I guess. I read a few Discworld books and the setting is great.

25. Book That Put A Smile On Your Face/Was The Most FUN To Read?

"Iron Widow"! It was so much fun and very quick to read. You would think I only read about 10 books given I keep repeating titles... I am also going to add "The Seventh Bride" by T. Kingfisher because it made me laugh and smile most of the time.

26. Book That Made You Cry Or Nearly Cry in 2021?

"The Poppy War" by R.F. Kuang. I get really attached to child characters that I see grow up, ok? In a similar vein, "Raybearer" by Jordan Ifueko. "Hogfather" by Terry Pratchett also made me tear up. I have no idea if there was more.

27. Hidden Gem Of The Year?

... "Dawn".

28. Book That Crushed Your Soul?

I didn't read super sad book this year, but "The Poppy War" I guess... "Klara and the Sun" by Kazuo Ishiguro maybe (?)

29. Most Unique Book You Read In 2021?

*sighs* "Dawn".

30. Book That Made You The Most Mad (doesn’t necessarily mean you didn’t like it)?

"The Dragon Republic"!! I was slapping those pages as if I was slapping fuckin' Nezha. I hate him so much.

Looking Ahead:

1. One Book You Didn’t Get To In 2021 But Will Be Your Number 1 Priority in 2021?

I guess finishing the Xenogenesis trilogy was the priority and I already did that ahah Not really an immediate priority, but I really want to see what all the deal is with "Jade City".

2. Book You Are Most Anticipating For 2022 (non-debut)?

Nettle and Bone by T. Kingfisher

3. 2022 Debut You Are Most Anticipating?  

I got nothing... I don't do these because I like to check previews when books are already out and the previews are what gets me excited more than the synopsis.

4. Series Ending/A Sequel You Are Most Anticipating in 2022?

I can't remember anything... I am not in the middle of series that are coming out I think. None that I am super excited to continue at least.

5. One Thing You Hope To Accomplish Or Do In Your Reading/Blogging Life In 2022?

Be able to read all of the books I suspect might be favourites so I can finally make a favourite books of all time list (?)

That's it. Thanks for reading. This took longer than I expected ahah so long.

[tigerdrop]

4 and 32 : )

4. Link your three favorite fics right now.

the many deaths of lieutenant harry du bois is honest to god one of my favorite fics of all time. its a disco elysium fic about kim kitsuragi being stuck in a time loop and having to watch all of harrys canonical “bad ends”, and i cannot overstate how much i like time loop fics. i adore the way this person portrays kim - hes very difficult to write, b/c part of his appeal is that he has many, many facets that dont reveal themselves immediately, but they all layer together organically like a film of nacre to form one of the most compelling characters ive seen in a long time. its “caretaker burnout: the fic”, which is a delightful (and realistic) take on harry and kims relationship that you rarely see

short street to kicklebury is a discworld fic about a genderbent sam vimes getting married to lady sybil. it matches the tone of the books very, very well, and i love seeing vimes as a tough butch lesbian who is Utterly Infatuated with her wife. im also a big fan of how it actually touches upon the subject of homosexuality in the discworld universe - i think that the tendency is, in modern fic, for people to write gay characters being gay without it having any meaningful negative impact on their lives, which is, you know, fine. i get it. i do it too. but terry pratchett loved writing this constantly evolving world in which prejudices have to be actively tackled, and i think this fic does a great job of hitting that same note

mac and dennis plan a wedding is the best always sunny fic of all time. its incredibly funny to me. its ideal. by now we have established that i am obsessed with fanworks that emulate the vibes of the original series well, and this is no exception. it genuinely reads like an always sunny episode to me, right down to the batshit interplay of homosexuality and homophobia, and it actually has a sweet ending. which these guys really dont deserve. but, yknow, i liked it!

32. Copy and paste your top three favorite lines/jokes/sentences you’ve ever written. What fics do they come from?

Pain Threshold curls up nice and tight in his belly, crooning in his ear that this is good. He deserves this. An ever-present reminder of his failure… and of Kim’s steady hands at his thigh, stitching and lancing him, Electrochemistry whispers. They’ll be there forever, in a way. There’s no better declaration of love than that.

- from hysteresis

Benrey laughs, incredulous. “what’s wrong with you, man?”

“I don’t know,” he groans helplessly, “I think maybe my mom didn’t get enough folic acid when she had me, or something, maybe there was a chemical spill in the backyard, might’ve eaten too many lead chips as a kid or something—”

- from string theory

“I think I might be bisexual,” Gordon blurts out, while he’s in the middle of enthusiastically hotdogging his very male best friend.

- from rough trade

[senadimell]

Fic writer tag game thing

I was tagged to do this by @rockymountainrattlesnake--you rock!

How many works do you have on a03?

5 at the moment. Someday I will finish the Martha Jones character study I’m working on...

What’s your total a03 word count?

107,733 officially, but one of those is an exerpt taken from a longer fic, which puts me at 105,782, and then we’d need to subtract out the poetry exerpts in Promises, so...

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

HA.

But I have Promises to Keep

The World in Ten Seconds

Growing Where Planted

Suspended Between Moments

Black and White are Also Colors

The order seems very logical.

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Pretty much always. Sometimes I forget and write back months later, but I get really enthusiastic when people like my work (I swear I will answer my inbox soon!) Most of my stuff involves some degree of character analysis, so I enjoy continuing that discussion in the comments. (And compliments make my day, not gonna lie.)

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

That would be The World in Ten Seconds, I think. Looking at my work (published and unpublished), it’s a lot easier to be angsty when I’m doing an analysis-focused piece, because those tend to be snapshots in time. Narrative stories tend to end on a more hopeful note.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

But I Have Promises to Keep by virtue of being finished. It’s not totally happy, but there’s a lot of catharsis in there.

Do you write crossovers? if so, what is the craziest one you’ve written?

Yes because my brain connects dots fast enough to make even a kangaroo court cringe. However, I haven’t published/finished any. I do have a Discworld/Doctor Who piece that’s a meditation on death, survivors, and moving on. The title will involve the word “Grandfathers.”

Then of course there’s the Q/Master epic enemies-to-lovers that I don’t have the guts to write.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

No! Very grateful for that. There was one awkward incident involving a commenter shaming non-commenters, but that’s behind us now.

Do you write smut? if so, what kind?

Nope.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? 

Not that I know of...? Seems unlikely TBH

Have you ever had a fic translated?

No.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

well...there was that one Eragon set-in-Alegaesia OC epistolary back in high school...

What’s your all-time favourite ship?

hm hm hm hm. So I’ve found that I really like very very close platonic intimacy, except that sometimes looks like “you are the most important person in my life and I would die for you but we haven’t put a name to this thing we have and we don’t really kiss etc. but we might hold hands/cuddle/whatever and it doesn’t mean anything and I know random mundane things about you like your shoe size or soda preference (did I mention I would die for you?)” which sounds kind of like shipping? 

So I’d have to say Nine/Rose or angsty Ten/Rose, with an emphasis on healing (see: RockyMountainRattlesnake’s Polyergus, A Wretched Ark, Terminarch, V762CAS’s Than All the Blue in the World).

I usually stick more or less with canon in most fandoms--if it’s not there, I don’t/can’t imagine it happening since romance is kind of weird and foreign to me. I tend to go for established relationships rather than “will-they-won’t they” stuff (Tevye/Golde, Vimes/Sybil etc. Though if we’re going musicals, I do actually like Elphaba/Fiero. I’ve never read anything about it, though.)

OH! I forgot! I don’t know if this counts, but I’m obsessed with sixbeforelunch’s Vulcan OCs, T'Lin and Veral, in the Pi’maat series.

Also the very specific way Erik/Christine works in Antiquarianne’s Phantom of the Opera piece The Sum of Earthly Happiness.

What’s a wip that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I don’t know if I’ll be able to finish the Grandfathers piece...it’s Discworld-primary from a stylistic perspective, and uh...I am not Terry Pratchett. I want to finish it, but I’ve got to be in the zone (reading a lot of Discworld stuff to get a feel for the style) and have SO MUCH PATIENCE because mimicking him is like writing poetry, if poetry was an accepted form of forced confession to be read for ridicule on live TV.

What are your writing strengths?

Purple prose.

yes i know that’s not supposed to be a compliment

.

Seriously, though I do tend to wax fruity in my writing, and I have a lot of fun with it. I think I’m also pretty good at writing conversations and arguments.

What are your writing weaknesses?

hehehehe

kill your darlings.

Editing? Who is she?

Which is funny, because I also do that stupid thing where getting words-on-paper is more painful than drawing a fishhook out of the fish’s throat when it’s mangled deep in the flesh. Is it perfectionism? I don’t know. Not in the anxious sense, certainly, because I can’t be chuffed to do a line edit before publishing. It’s more like I have two modes:

“Susan mad Grandfather confused insert Wrinkle In Time reference exept Uriel weird out of context IT vs keys of Marius brains fight”

or

“He’d known what Jackie was going to pull before Rose even passed on the invite, and he went and acted like Rose’d saddled him with an old ticket stub fished from her pocket. Trifling. Something you tossed in the first bin you saw.   You think pretending it was only ever ‘her choice’ will wash away the guilt when you finally kill her?

That and...actually writing. Lost my mojo a while back and haven’t been able to get back into a routine since. Balancing life stuff and creative hobbies is a work in progress.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I think I generally would limit it to well-known exclamations or phrases for the most part. I’m familiar enough to use some Mandarin and not utterly fail, but I know I don’t have the rhythm or grace of a native speaker and it’s not something I have in mind to pursue right now.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Hm. Fortunately that is all tucked away in hand-written notebooks before I got perfection-scared off of writing past the 7th grade. I’ve been doing the whole fanfiction in my head consciously since 2nd grade, but the first stuff I think I wrote down was either Snape stuff or Eragon/Alagaesia stuff. Not exactly worldshaking.

What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

The World in Ten Seconds! Gah, I’m so proud of that thing. Also I really adore Black and White are Also Colors, though some of my favorite bits aren’t published yet. That one’s a lot more idiosyncratic...a lot of infodumping about color and language and ideas in translation. I’ll probably get the next chapter of that up before I’m able to start working on Growing Where Planted.

Tagging (feel free to answer or not as you have desire or energy--also I’m sorry if I have misremembered your fic-writing tendencies or lack thereof) @pazithigallifreya​ @phoenixrisesoncemore​  @forever-food-and-fandoms​@loupettes @elialys  @onlycosmere​

[ziracona]

i was just wondering what your favourite tropes and dynamics are to explore in fic? either to write yourself or to read!

Oooh, that’s a hard one to answer because I like so many! Uhhh...Let me think.

Well, one of my favorite tropes is definitely Found Family. What is really more satisfying and worthwhile than a group of damaged people coming together and slowly building trust and love until they are inseparably bonded and full of love and have found things they never thought they would? 

I am extremely weak to memory loss both because I have some myself, and the American Dragon Jake Long episode Homecoming ripped out my heart as a kid and left me suffering, then Code Geass stepped on it twice with Shirley the same way. So I really like memory loss centered tragedy tropes bc I am 3x weak to them. I am also weak to that trope where one person is trapped in a room with a bomb, or going to drown, or for whatever reason cannot be saved from dying, so a loved one goes and stays and dies with them too just so they don’t have to die alone. Frkn /shatters/ my heart.

I love hurt comfort a lot. I think my favorite scenes to write and read are often one person is completely at the mercy of person 2, who they have no reason to think will help them and are terrified of being hurt by, but instead of person 2 doing anything bad at all, they are kind and look after them and save them. I die for that. It is the lifeblood of my soul.

I also like big character arcs and well done redemption arcs (bad ones make me rage tho. If I was a card in a tarot deck, I’d be Justice). Personal growth, finding hope again, learning to trust or love yourself. I really like character studies, and I like in-depth looks at serious issues and complex and messed up situations. I also am a big fan of deeply important and lasting platonic relationships, be it familial or best friends or whatever, and like romances where the two in question (or more if poly) just try really hard to be good to each other and communicate well and are full of love and would die for each other. 

Love pets being a big element of story. Love language barriers, and like writing them/communication barriers. I am usually not very interested in stories (writing or reading) that don’t have good rep in a number of ways. Like writing disabled characters well because I see them get written very grossly so much (I like writing tons of groups this is just the one I did most recently, so it’s on my mind rn. I am disabled, but I’m also a lot of other things to & def don’t only focus on/be interested by my own stuff). I am kinda branching out from tropes to just elements now tho. Uhhhhh, tropes, tropes. I love the opposite of that stupid “If you kill an evil person you’re just as bad”--I am here to see people end the people who murdered their friends or abused them. It’s what they deserve. Not here for a woobie redemption arc for an abuser. Very tired of those & angy. 

I love humor in the midst of intense drama or horror or sadness. I’m big into massive sacrifices, but especially if it’s something other than death bc those tend to be more well thought out.

I adore characters who have been through awful things and suffered and been abused getting to actually heal and live happy lives instead of just dying the second they start to taste happiness. I love themes and tropes about the value and lasting nature of human connection and how important and lasting it is.

(putting the rest under a cut bc I am having fun but this be getting long)

Uhhh, I am obsessed with free will > fate and choice, and I really like humanity and things about what it means to be human, and ethics, but like, in an interesting way? Like, Terry Pratchett’s stuff really appeals to me. Like  “What have I always believed? That on the whole, and by and large, if a man lived properly, not according to what any priests said, but according to what seemed decent and honest inside, then it would, at the end, more or less, turn out all right.”    “Just because you can explain it doesn't mean it's not still a miracle.”   “The figures looked more or less human. And they were engaged in religion. You could tell by the knives (it's not murder if you do it for a god).”   “There are hardly any excesses of the most crazed psychopath that cannot easily be duplicated by a normal kindly family man who just comes in to work every day and has a job to do.”    “There’s no point in believing in things that exist.”    “You couldn’t put off the inevitable. Because sooner or later, you reached the place when the inevitable just went and waited.”  and   

“Yeah? How many worshipers have you got?”  “Fifty-one!” The newt looked at him hopefully, and added, “Is that lots? Can't count.” It pointed at a rather crudely molded figure on the beach in Omnia and said, “But got a stake!”  Om looked at the figure of the little fisherman. “When he dies, you'll have fifty worshippers,” he said.  “That more or less than fifty-one?” “A lot less.”  “Definite?”  “Yes.”  “No one tell me that.” There were several dozen gods watching the beach. Om vaguely remembered the Ephebian statues. There was the goddess with the badly carved owl. Yes. Om rubbed his head. This wasn't god-like thinking. It seemed simpler when you were up here. It was all a game. You forgot that it wasn't a game down there. People died. Bits got chopped off. We're like eagles up here, he thought. Sometimes we show a tortoise how to fly. Then we let go.  He said, to the occult world in general, “There's people going to die down there.”  A Tsortean God of the Sun did not even bother to look round. “That's what they're for,” he said. In his hand he was holding a dice box that looked very much like a human skull with rubies in the eye-sockets.  “Ah, yes,” said Om. “I forgot that, for a moment.” He looked at the skull, and then turned to the little Goddess of Plenty. “What's this, love? A cornucopia? Can I have a look? Thanks.” Om emptied some of the fruit out. Then he nudged the Newt God. “If I was you, friend, I'd find something long and hefty,” he said.  “Is one less than fifty-one?” said P'Tang-P'Tang.  “It's the same,” said Om, firmly. He eyed the back of the Tsortean God's head.  “But you have thousands,” said the Newt God. “You fight for thousands.”  Om rubbed his forehead. I spent too long down there, he thought. I can't stop thinking at ground level. “I think,” he said, “I think, if you want thousands, you have to fight for one.” He tapped the Solar God on the shoulder. “Hey, sunshine?” When the God looked around, Om broke the cornucopia over his head.

Are all just from Small Gods, and like, boy is that my kinda good shit. Love history and sociology and anthropology. 

I love people fighting to do something they know is doomed to fail just because they know it’s the right thing. I also die for characters who are loyal undyingly, and characters admitting they were wrong and trying to do better, and that trope where someone says something but the exact opposite is happening in the background or happens immediately after. Love that trope where someone should be dead but they just. keep. getting. back. up. to defend someone they love. Love the trope where character A dies and character B takes something of theirs like a bracelet or a necklace or a headband or something and wears it forever after. : (((    

I know there’s a ton more but ima swap to dynamics. 

Let’s see. I adore familial relationships so much? Blood family, adopted, doesn’t matter, it’s exactly the same. I am huge on one character becoming team mom or dad or parent, or adopting some of the others. I love parent-kid relationships, even with adults and older adults, because it’s just as important. I adore small children being cared for by gruff war-hardened people, or selfish dicks who have to be better for the kid, or kind people who always wanted a kid and lost their own or never had one, or who are happy to add one more, or big sisters Clemtine style stepping into parenthood. Live for that, and I seek out video games that let me play it. Very excited to be trying out Plague’s Tale Innocence, because you play as a big sis taking care of your little brother (he’s like 6? 5-8? I’m not sure). But it’s such a neat idea for a sibling dynamic to explore, because while they’re siblings and know each other’s name and have like, a familial bond, it’s also all kind of awkward and new, because he’s been sick for years and in quarantine with just their mom, so even though they’re siblings and love each other and like, baby brother trusts you, they don’t really know each other at all, and that is just fascinating and so cool to explore to me! I also love someone adopting someone else as their new sibling(s) and dragging them into the family. I love siblings where one starts to go evil or mess up, and the other sibling fights with everything they have to save them/bring them back/help them become good again, because it breaks my heart and sibling relationships are /so/ important to me.

I also love shit like Jeff in dbd, where one character adopts younger characters who just /super/ don’t deserve it, because as much as they’ve fucked up, they love them anyway, they just do, and they want to be there to give them support and a chance to keep trying if they’ll take it. And like, I love all of Legion’s relationships with him, but especially Joey, because it’s /so/ sweet, and Joey is just a scared kid hurting and alone and he wants /so bad/ just to be loved and thought well of and okay, but he’s terrified of getting hurt or killed, and confused, and guilty and afraid of what will happen because of all the bad shit he did, and Jeff is just so warm and forgiving and full of nothing but unconditional love and kindness, and in the sincerest of ways, and they’re such good friends, which is like, not optional to a good parent-child relationship. Or way older brother filling in for parent-kid, there’s a lot of overlap. Anyway! Also just cute shit where someone falls in love with the idea of getting to look out for and stay close to someone younger they want to protect and parent, and there’s this kind of hopeful and almost fragile unsureness that the other person will want or need them in that capacity, like Ace adopting Nea, and not just picking looking out for someone who needs it over former life of thrill, but like, never regretting that choice, and just being truly happy and fulfilled in the adventure they now are on.

For friendships, god. I like so much shit, I don’t know what to say. I am so sorry I am giving you a novel for an answer to this short ask, rip. But I just love all kinds! I like groups with an established rhetoric between them, who are just so comfortable in each others’ presence, and people you know love and value each other so much they’re going to be together forever just as much as the two other characters getting married. I love one is a nice person, and the other is an asshole, but they make an amazing team and balance each other out, and the asshole stops the kind one from dying doing shit for other people, and the kind one helps the asshole be just a little more in love with their friends and things other than themself, and they’re great together. I love idiot friends who riff off each other and do bits all the time, and ones who turn into the “Holy shit there’s two of them” whenever they hang out, and ones who are just so on the same wavelength they’re totally comfortable in silence together and seek it out and would die for the other. I like wingman to person who is dying of embarrassment dynamic, and hardcore fighty person protecting either small and easily hurt person, or just as great, protecting dedicatedly person who is ironically either just as tough as them or even more, but it’s still really sweet and kind of double soft and sweet because tough friend never gets cared for.

God, what don’t I like? ...People being toxic assholes together?

I like super opposites that mesh well, but look hilarious next to each other, and goofy best friends who shamelessly sing loud to the most embarrassing karaoke track they could find. Lesbian and himbo is pretty great. As is the opposite, gay dude and stupid amazing slut or bimbo. (Fkn Mateo and Cheyanne kill me). Sweetest person you will ever know surrounded by 20 people who would die for them. Person who thinks they’re unlovable and takes a long time to notice like all their friends already love them, and then they get to be happy. Person who has never once had a good relationship is dragged into a healthy friendship and /super/ suspicious at every turn because they just aren’t used to being loved and treated well, but eventually softens and probably straight up breaks down at some point.

Person who was formerly bad or did something super fucked up is forgiven and welcomed into a group which they can barely even understand, and they are full of guilt but their loved ones reassure them and help them heal and just accept them and support them. Friends who are super mean to other friend but like, in a loving way, and would also take a bullet for the friend.

Uhhh, for romances, my fave is characters who just fucking love each other. I am real tired of relationship drama. Like pining and issues and star crossed lovers are all great (I think of those, star-crossed lovers is my fave), but I mean like, the shit where people keep having misunderstandings or not talking or cheating on each other just so there can be drama--that I am sick of. I love it when person A does something super badass and probably a little unexpected and person B is like “That’s my wife!!!” or just goes : O with love in their eyes, and this happens constantly.  I love gushy mushy sweet displays of affection. I love relationships where the people who are dating were best friends first and still are after, all the way, and tease and rib and are so in love.

I like it when one person thinks they don’t deserve the other, but clearly their partner feels none of this and is always just like “Babe...” and hugs them and is just as in love, and helps them begin to love themself more. 

Uhhhh, I like it when there’s someone who doesn’t think they’re in love and there’s that trope where they suddenly get it and you get the Oh or the Wait in italics as it drops internally. I like ships where the characters balance each other out well or provide good support and get better together than they were apart, triple points if they’re super aware of that and comment on it. Also whatever the fuck Maureen Robinson and John Robinson in the Lost in Space reboot have going on. That’s like, goals. She’s chaotic evil living lawful good by sheer force of will, and he’s a himbo too in love to realize any of that and never questions what she thinks they should do beyond the physical logistics of it and would die for her and not think twice about it or the fact that she moves really fast to the pragmatic “Okay,”--not because she doesn’t love him, she does--but because someone does need to be alive for their kids and she’s just wired too practical for him to have to pry her off sobbing to not stay and die with him. (This happens verbatim in like episode 6, but it’s not a mega spoiler bc he doesn’t actually die--he just almost does. She figures out a way to save them both right before committing to it.)

I also like “two fools both in love but really nervous about asking the other if they are because of their past, or situation, or because this is the first time or first time with that kind of relationship, so there’s just intense romantic tension all the time where they pause mid-sentence to just stare into eachothers’ eyes and forget what they were saying, but they’re both too ineffective to just fucking go “Do you like me?” for such a long time. Hurt/comfort paired with pining. Uhhh, but Star Crossed Lovers is up there for sure. I love the pain of two people wanting to be together but it’s just /impossible/ and they know it but that doesn’t make the feelings go away, and it’s miserable, and maybe they’re upset, because they shouldn’t feel this way, but they can’t not, and it’s confused, and it hurts, but they’re also so /happy/ when they see each other. I like that good shit in any romance where the characters can just look at each other and they know, and you know. That’s the choice shit, I tell you that.

Jeeze I’m sure I missed stuff but this is already so long. Uhhh, I like so much I don’t really know how to answer. But my favorite like, vibe/....flavor genre? Is Hope Punk. Uhhh, and mostly I dig any relationships that end up healthy and sweet. I really like second-chances, and characters confronting and moving on past their bad or complicated pasts, or trauma, and healing. Hurt comfort is love, and so is angst with a happy ending. I like a good villain or a wonderful asshole, but I feel like characters that are just good and doing their best really get overlooked and undervalued a lot, and I am here for them. Like Sam Gamgee? One of the /best/ characters in LOTR. So is Bob Newby--and I do get the irony in them both being played by Sean Astin. But uh, anyway, I really like to explore how decent people try to act when confronted with terrible situations and choices, because I really value people who stayed sweet and kind and merciful and full of love even after all the awful shit life has put them through, and I really like writing about how /hard/ that is, and what it looks like, along with the other stuff. I also like characters who are very flawed and very medium being given something to lose and something to gain that go in opposite directions, and being forced to confront their reality and make hard choices. I like people being given intense opportunities to grow or to rot, and seeing which they’ll chose and why and if they’ll make it to the end. Mostly I just really love characters who try, even if they fail, because that can be a lot harder to do than it seems. I like dynamics where one character is very flawed, or in a bad place, but they love someone they think is amazing, and so they’re working hard to catch up to them, or to get close enough they can reach out and hold their hand, and are fighting to make it to a person themselves who can do that someday. I’m sure I forgot a lot and that this was super rambly, but I hope you at least enjoyed some of it! Thanks for asking! ^u^

[copperbadge]

Do you have any thoughts about the announced adaptation of 'the City Watch' books by BBC America? Opinions seem pretty mixed in the fandom and I'd love to hear your take?

For a show I was almost definitely never going to watch from the outset, I have more thoughts about the Watch adaptation than I really know what to do with, to be honest. It’s actually hard to assemble them coherently. 

There are basically three strands of opinion I have about watching The Watch: personal, critical, and literary. 

The personal: 

I don’t have a great history of enjoying media adaptations of Terry Pratchett’s work. One reason I didn’t watch Good Omens until a month or two after its release is that I knew this about myself and I didn’t want to turn it on, get disappointed, and turn it off, as I’d done with The Hogfather (we need not speak of The Animated Soul Music, lord). Granted, the Death books are not my favorites, so I was never going to deeply engage with The Hogfather, and then they came out with The Colour Of Magic, another non-favorite, so I skipped it, and so I was super disengaged by the time Going Postal came out (though I should really give Going Postal a chance because I do love Going Postal as a book). So I acknowledge this isn’t objective, this is personal, but it’s still a factor.  

So I’m not coming into this whole situation with The Watch as someone who actually wants, or enjoys, TV adaptations of Pterry’s books, Good Omens notwithstanding – and let’s be real, Good Omens is an outlier. It was a collaboration, one of the original authors had deep control over the adaptation, and also Good Omens isn’t a Discworld book. It’s much more thoroughly rooted in our known reality, which makes it easier to convey to television. But my ultimate point is that when I hear about a Discworld book being adapted to TV, I shrug and move on. I have the books. I don’t need the shows. 

The critical: 

I think it is a bad habit of fandom that we extrapolate a lot of inference from a relatively small amount of data – we tend to take a couple of photos, a press release, some casting information, and very quickly make a large set of assumptions. It’s not necessarily that these assumptions are wrong, but we jump to a lot of conclusions. I’m thinking of early backlash over Good Omens, which I don’t even remember what it was about but I remember Gaiman having to get pretty stern about “could you wait until at least the trailer is out before jumping down my throat”. I’m also thinking of the casting of David Thewlis as Remus Lupin, which was not well-received until we saw more than blurry set photos. 

Now, all that having been said, some of the casting news has been…difficult. On the one hand, a Black Sybil Ramkin? Sign me the fuck up. On the other, I know that for a lot of people, having a Sybil who is both large and older is really important (I think it’s important too). Especially if Vimes is older, it’s creepy and backwards to have Sybil be young and hollywood-idea-of-pretty (even if the time travel element is involved, it gets into a weird area). Also, I’m really over only ever casting people of color as villains or supporting-role-women. Vimes canonically comes from a “poor but respectable” neighborhood that could easily be reframed as an ethnic neighborhood, which would be especially pointed and interesting given his family’s long connection to the history of the city. An Indian or part-Indian Sam Vimes would be really, really interesting and cool, for example. 

There’s also a lot of discussion about casting a nonbinary person as Cheery and explicitly setting Cheery up as nonbinary, as opposed to explicitly a trans woman*, especially since in the books she identifies as a woman, not as nonbinary. But I’m not entirely sure if Cheery as nonbinary is actually going to be canon or if that’s just the reporting on the show not knowing how to handle the whole Female Dwarf situation. Not everyone interprets Cheery as trans at all, either, because of how dwarf gender identity works, which complicates matters somewhat, so I’m not going to wade too far into these waters. I do think it’s great enby actors are getting work in enby roles, but there’s some issues there that need further examination. 

(* Note -- corrected the above after it was pointed out to me that NB are not trans light; I’ve changed it to trans woman rather than trans-as-umbrella-term, more here.)

So I think overall it’s early days to make a lot of calls about what The Watch will and won’t be, but I also think there’s a lot of reason to be concerned and annoyed, and that brings us to the real, hardcore reason that I saw the first reporting on The Watch and immediately noped out: 

The literary:

“Punk rock thriller.”

Oh go fuck yourself. 

Despite everything I said above about not making snap judgements I immediately read that it would be a dark punk rock thriller police procedural and went “Well, guess that’s that” and walked away from the idea of being even vaguely excited about this show, because what I read demonstrated a basic, fundamental lack of grip on what the Watch books are about. 

One, the Watch books aren’t about crime. They really genuinely aren’t. The crimes are macguffins on which to hang social commentary about other things entirely. Even in the very earliest Watch books, when Pterry was still mostly making fun of high fantasy, the crimes the Watch investigated were committed in the service of a larger discussion about things like totalitarianism, interculturalism, and civic life. There’s at least one moment, and I believe several but I’d have to re-read the books to be sure, where Pterry explicitly makes fun of murder mysteries where the hero Solves Crimes Like Sherlock Holmes. Vimes hates clues. Feet Of Clay has an extended subplot about how you 100% cannot trust clues even when the author is the one feeding them to you. I do not want a Watch series that is about Clues.  

Two, the Watch books are explicitly the antithesis of the action genre. They have action in them, but the point is that nobody in these books are action heroes; they’re ordinary people attempting to go about their jobs in a situation where that constantly becomes increasingly difficult. I read “punk rock thriller” and I thought to myself of the dedication of Guards! Guards!: 

They may be called the Palace Guard, the City Guard, or the Patrol. Whatever the name, their purpose in any work of heroic fantasy is identical: it is, round about Chapter Three (or ten minutes into the film) to rush into the room, attack the hero one at a time, and be slaughtered. No one ever asks them if they want to. This book is dedicated to those fine men.

This does get a bit tricky because by the end of Snuff, Vimes is very heroic, almost too heroic for my comfort, but at the same time his heroism is of a very specific sort: he is heroic not because he slaughters the palace guard who get in his way or shoots the baddie or blows up a cop car with a helicopter (or vice versa) but because he deeply, intensely hates those things, and wants nothing to do with them. He is heroic because he is forced into it by circumstance, but spite in the face of monstrousness is what powers him. I think of The Fifth Elephant, where Vimes has just killed a werewolf: 

There were a lot of things he could say. “Son of a bitch!” would have been a good one. Or he could say, “Welcome to civilization!” He could have said, “Laugh this one off!” He might have said, “Fetch!” But he didn’t, because if he had said any of those things then he’d have known that what he had just done was murder.

I don’t trust someone who thinks The Watch should be reimagined as a thriller to understand Sam Vimes. Like, there’s room for interpretation as to Vimes’ character, but there is a fundamental underlying bedrock Vimes is built on and if you don’t grasp the broad points of that, you’re just writing a cop show with some names stitched on.  

Three, the Watch books aren’t a static series, they aren’t like cozy mysteries where the circumstances change but the hero rarely does. That’s nothing against cozy mysteries; I love mystery novels and some of my favorites involve characters who don’t even age over the course of the forty years the books were written in. But you cannot pastiche the Watch and expect it to work. 

Again this is a bit of extrapolation based on low amounts of data but I think it’s probably accurate – the casting indicates that either we’re dealing with the events of Night Watch or at the very least heavily engaged with aspects of it. But Night Watch, while I think it’s one of Pterry’s best books hands down, doesn’t exist in a vacuum. It is one point in a very specific developmental arc, not just for Vimes but for the entire Watch. If we’re dealing just with the plot of Night Watch (which I don’t think we are) that’s tough to pull off. If, as I suspect, they’re going to be pulling from various aspects of various Watch books, then that’s just fucking nonsense. 

Even Carrot, who is a very constant figure, undergoes some fundamental shifts in personality between Guards! Guards! and, say, The Fifth Elephant. Vimes, while maintaining his personal moral and ethical code, undergoes a radical shift between Guards! Guards! and Night Watch, and he continues to develop emotionally and in some ways spiritually up until Snuff. The Vimes who bitches about diversity in hiring in Men At Arms will not react to any given situation the way the Vimes who befriends the goblins in Snuff will. 

And because these books also all address very specific issues, you can’t just slam them all together and expect to get anything resembling the Watch as Pterry envisioned it over the course of the books.

So while I love the comedy, the characters, the plots, even the macguffin crimes, I believe that a Watch book – a Discworld book of any kind – without that satirical bite is just a high-fantasy husk. There’s no point to it, nothing that sets it apart from a bad Saturday Night Live skit about Game of Thrones. The tv series might actually turn out great and all my concerns will have been unfounded, but first looks aren’t promising on a number of really basic levels. 

So we’ll see. If I’m wrong, great; the show will probably electrify fandom in the same way Good Omens did. If I’m right, well, I had no hopes to begin with, so I’ll just enjoy re-reading Night Watch, which is the book that got me back into fandom and which you can all blame for my presence here today. :D

[noirandchocolate]

👍★♕

(From this list in case anybody wants to send me more, which I would love)

👍 How did you get into Discworld?  I was 11 or 12 in 1994-5 and wandering around the county library’s children/YA section looking for books that had the unicorn stickers on the spines that marked them as Fantasy genre.  For whatever reason, the library had decided that Equal Rites, Wyrd Sisters, Mort, and The Light Fantastic belonged there (the covers on their editions of the first three make them look kinda “this book is about/for children” but the Josh Kirby Light Fantastic cover...uhhhhhh).  Anyway I looked at the dust jackets and determined that TLF was a sequel to something else and Wyrd Sisters had a character called “Granny Weatherwax” but so did Equal Rites but ER was earlier, so I got ER and Mort.  I read ER first and liked it well enough, but then I read Mort and HOLY SHIT.  It was hands down the funniest thing I had ever experienced.  Death slipped on the pavement like ten pages in and said OH BUGGER in smallcaps and I actually laughed out loud and that was just it for me.  I read Mort twice in the month I had it checked out, went back and got WS and TLF and read them despite COM not being available, then got Permission to go to the Grownup Section of the library to see if they had the other books by Terry Pratchett listed at the front of one of the others, was greeted several more books including ANOTHER ONE ABOUT DEATH called Reaper Man, and have been in this ever since.

★ Who is your favorite character?  This is a terribly hard question because there are so many good ones.  I could do a really long answer again about how amazing I think Granny and Vimes are but instead I’ll cut to the chase and say Death.  He was my first favorite because he made me laugh and because non-humans struggling to understand humanity and sometimes getting things wrong or taking them too literally is like...a whole thing I didn’t know I liked so much and related so much to until I was older.  Also he’s in every book and I loved flipping through the pages of every new novel I got to see WHEN’S THE BEST CHARACTER GONNA BE IN THIS ONE.

♕ Which is your favorite standalone book?  Small Gods.  I read it first during the period when I was 12 and devoured everything the library had of Discworld immediately, and I thought it was funny.  Then I read it again while being an agnostic attending a Catholic high school and being bombarded with doctrine by people who didn’t seem to live it outside of church, and BOY was it a friend to me.  Then I read it again and again throughout college and whatnot and then didn’t read it again for several years.  And then I reread it during my big Read All the Discworld thing I did for this blog in 2016 and finally as an adult truly felt moved by it.  I love this book.  It’s important to me.

[brooklynislandgirl]

For both of you: Epilogue, Author, Addendum, Epeolatry

Book-Dragon || Accepting

~Beth~ EPILOGUE: What is a book that made you cry?

The rain patters at the window, ticking against it with sharp nails. But inside of her apartment there’s warmth from both the heater and the fireplace and mulled cider and cozy throw blankets ~knitted by her hand~ aplenty. It makes for a drowsy afternoon and she likes that Eric’s thoughts turn to books. It isn’t often that someone indulges her passions like he does.

“Book dat make me cry, eh? Following da Rabbit Proof Fence, by Doris Pilkington. Is based onna true story, personal account of sisters from Australia’s aboriginal Stolen Generation. See back while ago... da government would take away mix-race children from dey families, an’ da story is told about t’ree Aboriginal girls who were taken from Jigalong to Moore River Settlement, an’ like da res’ were force to be more white. But dey escape, right? An’ dey trek ovah one an a half t’ousand kilometres back home, followin’ a fence put up to keep rabbits..a invasive species...from travellin’ from Nor’ t’ Sout’ in Western Australia. It made me cry because... dat’s da story of colonisation for so many peoples. Worse part is...when ya welcome strangers as friends an’ dey come as conquerors.”

She bites back what she could say about that, where the conversation could lead. 

AUTHOR: What is a book you really regret buying?

“Uhm.” She ponders. This one is hard because she’s yet to read anything that didn’t have merit in some shape or form. “I mean... if I gotta pick... probably Twilight. See I got dis rule, call it da one hundred page rule, in which I will give any kine, no matter how dull an’ borin’, one hundred pages in fairness before I give up. I don’t t’ink I made it dat far an’ I mean I tried, Eric, I tried. It’s jus’ garbage.”

ADDENDUM: What is a book trope you can’t stand?

She takes a sip and then holds up a hand, making little “MMM!” noises. Oh this one is easy. Maybe too easy in some ways, and maybe speaks to her more about herself than the genres in which it crops up, usually YA books or romances that belong on specially marked shelves. She swallows hard and hits the proverbial ground running. “Absolutely da one where two character fall in love instantly, no build up, no realistic progression. Like it make no sense! Ya look’a someone first time, I promise it no gonna be love a’ firs’ sight. An’ it happen a lot in books for teens an’ young adults, an’ only contributes to bad healt’ choices. Teen pregnancy, venereal disease, mental health issue, negative body image... an’ I guess it like... only points out dat dere some kine wrong...wi’ people like me.”

EPEOLATRY: What is your favorite book quote?

“Easy. Conversation between Death an’ his granddaughter Susan, in da book Hogfaddah by Terry Pratchett.

She switches back into pure English, so best he can understand her though the going is slow and difficult for her to recite verbatim.

“   “All right,” said Susan. “I’m not stupid. You’re saying humans need... fantasies to make life bearable.” REALLY? AS IF IT WAS SOME KIND OF PINK PILL? NO. HUMANS NEED FANTASY TO BE HUMAN. TO BE THE PLACE WHERE THE FALLING ANGEL MEETS THE RISING APE. “Tooth fairies? Hogfathers? Little---?” YES. AS PRACTICE. YOU HAVE TO START OUT LEARNING TO BELIEVE THE LITTLE LIES. “So we can believe the big ones?” YES. JUSTICE. MERCY. DUTY. THAT SORT OF THING. “They’re not the same at all!” YOU THINK SO? THEN TAKE THE UNIVERSE AND GRIND IT DOWN TO THE FINEST POWDER AND SIEVE IT THROUGH THE FINEST SIEVE AND THEN SHOW ME ONE ATOM OF JUSTICE, ONE MOLECULE OF MERCY. AND YET ~Death waved a hand. AND YET YOU ACT AS IF THERE IS SOME IDEAL ORDER IN THE WORLD, AS IF THERE IS SOME...SOME RIGHTNESS IN THE UNIVERSE BY WHICH IT MAY BE JUDGED. “Yes, but some people have got to believe that, or what’s the point---” MY POINT EXACTLY.    ”

~Turtle~

EPILOGUE: What is a book that made you cry? 

The Shepherd’s Crown, by Terry Pratchett. It is the last book he wrote before succumbing to his death. It is the fifth Tiffany Aching book. To this day I haven’t so much as cracked the cover open, and yet when I look at it, my chest gets tight and I cry. It’s losing a favourite uncle all over again.   AUTHOR: What is a book you really regret buying?

4th Edition D&D Player’s Handbook. 

ADDENDUM: What is a book trope you can’t stand?

The whole “I’ve forgotten how to communicate!” trope that is common in tv and movies a lot too. The one where a problem can be easily solved with the characters talking to each other, but instead decide to keep things to themselves, causing more drama and misunderstanding. {Yes, I AM looking at you, Supernatural}.

Like it makes me foam-at-the-mouth rage when it happens in books and shows and real life.

Raaagh. Turtle-smash.

EPEOLATRY: What is your favorite book quote?

“And what do you really do? asked Tiffany. The thin witch hesitated for a moment, and then: We look to ... the edges, said Mistress Weatherwax. There's a lot of edges, more than people know. Between life and death, this world and the next, night and day, right and wrong ... an' they need watchin'. We watch 'em, we guard the sum of things. And we never ask for any reward. That's important.”

Terry Pratchett, The Wee Free Men

[megalodont]

tag people you want to get to know better

tagged by @captain-apostrophe​ 

your name and then what you would have named yourself: even in real life people suspect this isn’t my real name, but my dad really put “paris” on my birth certificate and tbh i love it! i’m even lucky enough that it’s considered “unisex” by society at large

astrological sign (sun/moon/rising if you know them): scorpio

when did you join tumblr and why?: umm, 2016 i think? i joined for fandom reasons, i just liked looking at art of shows i was into. who knew it would practically become a way of life for me? i did have a different tumblr in 2010 but i entirely just reblogged ~aesthetic pictures and never experienced any of the tumblr discourse i’ve heard went on during that time 

top 5 fandoms: uhh, i go so hard for one thing at a time so i’ll pick the top five of all time, even if i don’t interact much with them anymore. i was into voltron during the first few seasons, and i am pretty good at curating my dash so i didn’t have a toxic time of it bc i blocked so many people and blacklisted so many terms. i fell out of it pretty quickly around s4? or was it s5. haikyuu, my favourite anime, was a big one for a while, and i definitely fucked with boku no hero academia for a time. ummm oh, captain america had my ass for a while, and of course i haven’t had a non-mdzs-related thought in about a year now lol. 

top 5 favorite films: howl’s moving castle, the lotr trilogy (count as one movie!), ponyo, mulan, uhhhhh treasure planet. 

go to song when you wanna Feel something: hmm. welly boots?

what’s your religion or faith if you have one?: uhh, if i had to describe myself i think i’d say...spiritual agnostic. is that a thing? 

a song that makes you feel seen: tardigrade song by cosmo sheldrake? lol. or spat out spit by lady lamb

if you could have any career: uhh, ANY career? hmm. 1900s lighthouse keeper. whatever it was maria von trapp was hired to do. fire lookout. 

do you have a type?: hm. kind, smart, can make me laugh? or are we talking physically bc in that case no

what does your heart/soul yearn for: more time

if you had to describe yourself in 5 words to someone who doesn’t know you: cheerful, not bothered, yet anxious

favorite subjects in school: english across the board

where does your soul feel most at home: curled up in a nook, safe and unperceived

top 5 fictional characters: the hardest question i’ve ever been asked. okay if i go for a spread of things....... lan jingyi (mdzs), keladry of mindelan (protector of the small), nishinoya yu (haikyuu), oreki houtarou (hyouka), ummm. scorpia (she-ra princess of power. i have only watched 1 season of the show but i love her)

top 3 moments in a show that made you ugly cry: this is an impossible question, i literally, literally cry whenever i watch anything. uhhhhhhh umm, oh shit. boromir’s death. that scene in gallipoli 1981 where what’s his name is seconds too late to save his bud. um um um. there were several in the untamed. yi city maybe?  

the earth, the sun, the moon or the stars: the moon, my ancient darling

favorite kind of weather: snowstorm, freezing and windy as hell. yes i live in australia where this doesn’t happen, yes i’m sad about it.  

top 3 characters you kin with: i don’t know? uhhh. UHH. maybe lan xichen? i wouldn’t say i kin him but i think there are objective similarities on a personality level. aizawa shouta, bc i’m tired and would die for those kids.   

favorite medium of art: prose:) 

introvert/extrovert/ambivert: true introvert, just look at my career choices. not that i’d turn you down if you wanted to hold my hand.  

a favorite literary quote: fuck, idk. uhhhh. pass my brain is mush right now

some of your favorite books: oh god don’t put me on the spot. suddenly i’ve forgotten every book i’ve ever read. um, Guards Guards by Terry Pratchett, Trickster’s Queen by Tamora Pierce, Crocodile on the Sandbank by Elizabeth Peters, Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Sáenz, Prince’s Gambit by C.S. Pacat.... and 500 other things i ca’nt remeber right now

if you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?: Whistler, BC. or any other remote town in the pacific northwestern mountains. although a very close second would be a remote town in scandinavia, say, töreboda, sweden. i like snow and pine forests and bears and i hate people.  

if you could live in any time in history when would it be?: the boring answer is that as a queer afab who enjoys having access to modern medicine uh, i’d choose now. but the fun answer, like if i could live in a tv version of that time or something.........hm. the part of me which yearns to escape capitalism and modernity’s complexities would say like. 800bce. just want to like. sit around spinning thread all day. 

if you could play any instrument masterfully it would be: pipe organ bitch

if you have one, what mythological god or goddess do you feel a connection to: hmmmmm. dionysus was neither male nor female, treated his wife well, and encouraged his female devotees to tear men apart with their hands, so. i’d say him. 

and lastly, favorite recent selfie in your camera roll: i’ve never taken a selfie i liked bro 

and i'll tag @greymouser13 and @plotwitch if you guys wanna!

[the-light-followed]

WYRD SISTERS (1988) [DISC. #6; WITCHES #2]

“‘No one would come up here this time of night.’  Magrat peered around timidly.  Here and there on the moor were huge standing stones, their origins lost in time, which were said to lead mobile and private lives of their own. She shivered.  ‘What’s to be afraid of?’ she managed.  ‘Us,’ said Granny Weatherwax, smugly.”

Rating: 6/10

Standalone Okay: Yes

Read First: Yeah!

Discworld Books Masterpost: [x]

* * * * * * * * * *

I’m just going to jump right in with this one: the best part about the Witches sub-series of the Discworld is that they are all, in their own way, stories about stories.  They’re stories that follow other stories, the tropes and archetypes and established narrative structure, but they’re also stories that subvert that structure at just the right moment to make something that feels much more truthful, and often, much more real.

Stories about stories.

This is sometimes very literal: Wyrd Sisters, for example, has very obvious Shakespearean roots, notably from Hamlet and Macbeth, and seems to gleefully delight in throwing around references—three witches meeting to cast spells, blood on the murderer’s hands that won’t wash away, the ghost of a murdered father begging his son to seek revenge, a theater called The Dysk that mimics Shakespeare’s Globe, etc., etc., etc.—that then get turned over on their heads.  We’ll see it done again with the fairy tale elements of Witches Abroad, and the Phantom of the Opera parody that is Maskerade. These books are, in a very real sense, skipping the setup and instead using cultural touchstones as framework. The books starring the witches are literally new stories being told about stories we, the audience, already know and recognize.

But sometimes it isn’t literal at all: witches, after all, work magic most often through psychology and metaphor.  “Headology,” as the witches call it, is the basis of witchcraft, and it’s all about the stories being told.  It’s in the things the witches do for respect, like their hats and black outfits and their out-of-the-way cottages they pass down from one witch to the next, or the way they bow instead of curtsey.  It’s in the things they call magic even when it isn’t, like using real herbs and medicines to cure illnesses, or waving their hands over a pot of tea and chanting nonsense before ‘reading the future’ in the leaves, all of it only for the look of the thing from the outside.

And it’s also in the things they tell themselves. For example, when Magrat’s broomstick stops working in Wyrd Sisters, she does what she calls a Change spell—which simply means that the rest of the world remains the same, but she changes the way she sees herself.  Before, she was a young woman on a broom rapidly falling out of the sky, and now she’s a confident young witch who can deal with any disaster that comes her way, so she’s therefore a lot less worried about it.  

And it works.  That’s the thing: Magrat is just fine.  Witches do magic in and on themselves, it’s all nothing more than a thought, and yet it works.

None of the Witches books are particularly subtle about the point they’re trying to make with the whole deal, either.  In Wyrd Sisters, it seems like everyone is talking about the power of words and stories, the way that the things we tell ourselves and each other can shape the reality of the world we inhabit.  There are some negatives you can pull out of that message—history is malleable and written by the victors, propaganda triumphs over the truth, etc., etc.  But there are a lot of more interesting, thought-provoking ideas to consider, instead. For example: just because narrative structure has already delivered us the broad strokes of the plot (anyone who’s studied any Shakespeare, which can reasonably be assumed to be any native English speaker older than about sixteen, can probably guess the general course of Wyrd Sisters by about page twenty), it doesn’t mean there can’t be originality and meaning in the specifics.

And that originality and meaning is what makes all the Discworld books work so well.  Pratchett is parodying, sure, but he’s also creating something very new and earnest and sincere, and that just doesn’t work if the story is an exact beat-for-beat retelling of an already-told tale.

Wyrd Sisters agrees with that idea. Destiny is all well and good—it’s nice to think that what’s to come is pre-planned, easy to predict, and impossible to subvert—but the world just doesn’t work like that.  The story isn’t plotted out in advance.

As Pratchett says later in the book: “Destiny was funny stuff…You couldn’t trust it.  Often you couldn’t even see it.  Just when you knew you had it cornered, it turned out to be something else—coincidence, maybe, or providence.  You barred the door against it, and it was standing behind you.  Then just when you thought you had it nailed down it walked away with the hammer.”

The witches certainly don’t truck with destiny.  Or, well, it may be a tool in their storytelling arsenal, but they don’t see it as a concrete thing.  Destiny is what you make of it, and Granny and Nanny are movers and shakers.  That makes it especially ironic that the book is called Wyrd Sisters—the word “wyrd” is an old Anglo-Saxon concept referring to fate or personal destiny, so the “wyrd sisters” themselves typically would be the three Fates, a la Greek mythology, rather than three women who tend to grab Fate and Destiny by the ears and twist until they decide to agree that the witches have the right of it.

Honestly, though, if Granny Weatherwax looked at me like that, I’d do whatever she wanted, too.

I just want to bring up something I really like about Pratchett’s writing style: despite the fantastical setting, despite how far from reality he can get, he’s not afraid to switch to Roundworld concepts or just flat-out break the fourth wall in exchange for better, more impactful descriptions.  I like to call this cinematic writing, and sometimes that’s actually very literal. There are quite a few passages in various Discworld books where he starts to write in an almost movie-script style.  After Moving Pictures, which is still a good four books away at this point, I think that becomes less notable.  Here, and in the previous few Discworld books (Mort, Sourcery, Equal Rites), when Discworld does not have any parallel equivalent to Roundworld’s Hollywood, it’s pretty damn unusual for an author to just outright throw aside their own fantasy setting to make a description in real-world terms.

My favorite example of this from Wyrd Sisters:

“It is almost impossible to convey the sudden passage of fifteen years and two months in words.  It’s a lot easier in pictures, when you just use a calendar with lots of pages blowing off, or a clock with hands moving faster and faster until they blur, or trees bursting into blossom and fruiting in a matter of seconds… Well, you know.  Or the sun becomes a fiery streak across the sky, and days and nights flicker past jerkily like a bad zoetrope, and the fashions visible in the clothes shop across the road whip on and off faster than a lunchtime stripper with five pubs to do. There are any amount of ways, but they won’t be required because, in fact, none of this happened.”

You can practically imagine the way that scene would look in a blockbuster movie, and it’s wonderful that Pratchett describes it crystal clear just to let us know that it is not, in fact, how it looked at all.

There’s a lot more to like about Wyrd Sisters, too, for all that it isn’t one of my favorite Discworld books.  It’s a far better introduction to the witches—specifically Granny Weatherwax—than Equal Rites is, even though Equal Rites is technically the first book in the Witches sub-series.  It introduces some characters we’ll see a lot more of later, like King Verence and the greater Ogg family, but also characters that will go on to become staples of the Discworld, like Nanny Ogg and Magrat.  We also have some lovely cameos from already established characters: notably Death and his interactions during the play at the castle, but there are some good Ankh-Morpork moments, like the Librarian’s appearance at a barfight.

And we get to see the good old Discworld humor really click—it’s all about that balance between absurdism and realism, or between established tropes and self-awareness.  One of my favorite examples of this comes right at the beginning of the book:

“As the cauldron bubbled an eldritch voice shrieked: ‘When shall we three meet again?’  There was a pause.  Finally another voice said, in far more ordinary tones: ‘Well, I can do next Tuesday.’”

Pratchett’s really got a sense for it by this point, and he can deliver zinger after unexpectedly delightful zinger.  Discworld books are always beautifully funny, of course, even though after a while you really get a feel for when a good joke is coming.  Some people might think that knowing the punchline is coming might make it less funny: it absolutely does not.  All it does is make the unexpected, sneaky moments—when the humor Pratchett has been secretly setting up for ages finally creeps up to smack you in the face—hit harder.  Maybe others disagree, but I can read Discworld novels again and again, and they always get me just as much as they did the first time through.  In my opinion, that’s real comedic talent.

Up next in the series we have Pyramids, our first unconnected one-off story, which is wonderfully weird even for a Discworld book!  Stay tuned!

* * * * * * * * * *

Side Notes:

Every time that oh-so popular Ankh-Morporkian dive bar, the Drum, pops up, it’s fun to note where it’s at these days: Mended Drum, Broken Drum, etc.  In Wyrd Sisters, Tomjon and Hwel go drinking in the Mended Drum.

There are several adaptations of Wyrd Sisters, including a 4-part BBC radio show, an animated film, and a stageplay.

As I go over my highlighted quotes and annotations from each book, putting these posts together, I learn more and more about myself.  What I like, what I find funny, what I care to notice.  For example, Vetinari shows up exactly ONCE in this book, and just in a footnote, and yet I still highlighted it and wrote a note next to it that contained mostly exclamation points.  There’s no real point to this; I just want everyone to know how much I love Vetinari.

Favorite Quotes:

“As the cauldron bubbled an eldritch voice shrieked: ‘When shall we three meet again?’ There was a pause.  Finally another voice said, in far more ordinary tones: ‘Well, I can do next Tuesday.’”

“Witches are not by nature gregarious, at least with other witches, and they certainly don’t have leaders.  Granny Weatherwax was the most highly-regarded of the leaders they didn’t have.”

“Now, just when a body would have been useful, it had let him down.  Or out.”

“‘No one would come up here this time of night.’ Magrat peered around timidly.  Here and there on the moor were huge standing stones, their origins lost in time, which were said to lead mobile and private lives of their own.  She shivered.  ‘What’s to be afraid of?’ she managed.  ‘Us,’ said Granny Weatherwax, smugly.”

“‘How many times have you thrown a magic ring into the deepest depths of the ocean and then, when you get home and have a nice bit of turbot for your tea, there it is?’ They considered this in silence. ‘Never,’ said Granny irritably. ‘And nor have you.’”

“His body was standing to attention.  Despite all his efforts his stomach stood at ease.”

“Back down on the plains, when you kicked people they kicked back.  Up here, when you kicked people they moved away and just waited patiently for your leg to fall off.”

“The Ogg grandchildren were encouraged to believe that monsters from the dawn of time dwelt in its depths, since Nanny believed that a bit of thrilling and pointless terror was an essential ingredient of the magic of childhood.”

“She gave the guards a nod as she went through.  It didn’t occur to either of them to stop her because witches, like beekeepers and big gorillas, went where they liked.  In any case, an elderly lady banging a bowl with a spoon was probably not the spearhead of an invasion force.”

“‘You’re wondering whether I really would cut your throat,’ panted Magrat.  ‘I don’t know either.  Think of the fun we could have together, finding out.’”

“Wizards assassinated each other in drafty corridors, witches just cut one another dead in the street.  And they were all as self-centered as a spinning top.  Even when they help other people, she thought, they’re secretly doing it for themselves.  Honestly, they’re just like big children.  Except for me, she thought smugly.”

“‘Man just went past with a cat on his head,’ one of them remarked, after a minute or two’s reflection.  ‘See who it was?’  ‘The Fool, I think.’  There was a thoughtful pause.  The second guard shifted his grip on his halberd.  ‘It’s a rotten job,’ he said.  ‘But I suppose someone’s got to do it.’”

“Granny’s implicit belief that everything should get out of her way extended to other witches, very tall trees and, on occasion, mountains.”

“Only in our dreams are we free.  The rest of the time we need wages.”

“Words were indeed insubstantial.  They were as soft as water, but they were also as powerful as water and now they were rushing over the audience, eroding the levees of veracity, and carrying away the past.”

“‘Witches just aren’t like that,’ said Magrat.  ‘We live in harmony with the great cycles of Nature, and do no harm to anyone, and it’s wicked of them to say we don’t.  We ought to fill their bones with hot lead.’”

“‘I shall haunt their corridors,’ he said, ‘and whisper under the doors on still nights.’ His voice grew fainter, almost lost in the ceaseless roar of the river.  ‘I shall make basket chairs creak most alarmingly, just you wait and see.’ Death grinned at him.  NOW YOU’RE TALKING.”

[irisbleufic]

Fanfic Writer Ask Meme

[I’ve been tagged by @sunaddicted.  I’ve been pretty ill off and on since early August; my immune system is down again (ear and tooth/jaw infections back to back; I’ve missed more work this month than I have in ages), so that’s why this blog has been relatively dead aside from reblogs.  Thanks for standing by.]

*

At what age did you start writing?

I was 13 going on 14.  Prior to that point, I’d been trying my hand at visual art, but I just never improved past a certain point.  I didn’t have quite the kind of motor skills required for the kind of sketching I desperately wanted to do; I still don’t.  For some reason, typing came easier almost from the moment I tried it, and the stories I was persistently attempting to draw weren’t going away.  I decided to try writing them instead, and the results were instantaneous.

Who is your favorite author? 

For poetry (outside of fandom, I’m a published poet and professional poetry editor), it’s a tie between Patience Agbabi, Marge Piercy, Louise Glück, Richard Siken, and Qwo-Li Driskill.  For prose, it’s a tie between China Miéville, Connie Willis, and Terry Pratchett (although Connie Willis is at #1, if I’m honest).

Favorite type of scene to write?

As long as there’s dialogue going on, I’m thrilled to death.  I specialize in it.  Scenes containing intimacy, not even necessarily erotic intimacy, are a close second.  Frequently, there’s dialogue happening in those anyway.

What is your favorite fanfic?

I will never forget Nom de Coeur (Casablanca) and Taniwha (Moby-Dick).  Those two always come to mind when I think of my favorites of all time.  I’m also extremely in love with And Find for Herself a Place to Rest (Good Omens) and Hell Is Empty and All the Devils Are Here (Gotham).

What AO3 tags do you avoid?

That’s kind of down to context and a case-by-case basis.  There are some things I never read (gaslighting, torture, incest, and any kind of non-con/sexual abuse), but there’s also a handful of things I usually don’t read except in a few specific fandoms (dub-con when it’s by consent/both parties are on the same page, as a notable example).  I’m not a fan of angst just for angst’s sake, either; if there’s no character growth or recovery after the fact, I can’t abide it.

What AU do you wish to write, but feel like you won’t?

To date, I’ve written every AU that I’ve had the burning desire to write.

What has been your favorite story to write so far?

I’ve loved writing Crown of Thorns [The Walls, the Wainscot, and the Mouse] ’Verse and Delicate, Dangerous, Obsessed more than almost anything else in my fandom career, but saying that would be a disservice to Anthology and At This Chance and The Pursued and the Pursuing.  It’s also worth mentioning Screenwriting for Dummies and The City of Towers as notable runners-up.

I love all of my children, it turns out (and perhaps the difficult ones most of all).

Do you prefer to write one-shots or multi-chapters?

I tend to keep adding to things until I feel like they’re done, so...

What is your favorite kind of comment?

Any comment at all.  I answer every single one I get, because readers deserve it.

Why did you start writing fanfic? 

To heal the broken narrative universe.

Why are you still writing it?

Because I’d be dead now if I hadn’t.

[minnuet-archive]

about me!

hey! i'm vio.

that's not my real name (by real name, i don't mean dead name - i mean chosen name that i use in real life), but it doesn't mean i chose it at random. viola (vio) is my online name for a reason.

i chose the name viola because even though it's a girl's name, it's also the name of one of shakespeare's most sexually ambiguous characters to exist. vio, while also being a nickname for viola, is it's own name that comes from the word vita, meaning life.

in fact, i want vio to be my middle name once i legally change my name.

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i've kind of come to terms with my good traits and my not-so-good traits. i've been described as charismatic, kind, intelligent, patient, caring, thoughtful, good at giving advice, and funny. but the downside to being (supposedly) charismatic is that i can be manipulative. i also lie a little more than i should because of my anxiety.

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sexuality and gender wise, i'm not someone you can put into labels. i'm equally okay with he/him and they/them pronouns, so i'm perfectly comfortable with either the label trans ftm or nonbinary.

although i'm TECHNICALLY pansexual, I enjoy the term queer because it makes me feel less self conscious about if i'm more straight than gay (or vice versa) and things like that.

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i'm: - a pisces - a slytherin (although i don't support j.k. rowling herself and i don't love the harry potter series either, knowing my house will probably help you get a feel for who i am) - an enfj/infj (it changes a surprising amount) - an 8 (then a 3, then a 5) in the enneagram - chaotic neutral - a son of loki - a son of either hermes or hades (it's been a long internal debate)

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i love: - hunter x hunter (ハンター×ハンター / hantā hantā) - attack on titan (進撃の巨人 / shingeki no kyojin) - my hero academia (僕のヒーローアカデミア / boku no hīrō akademia) - death note (デスノート / desu nōto) - haikyu!! (ハイキュー!! / haikyū!!) - violet evergarden (ヴァイオレット・エヴァーガーデン / vaioretto evāgāden) - nura: rise of the yokai clan (ぬらりひょんの孫 / nurarihyon no mago / nurarihyon's grandson) - ouran high school host club (桜蘭高校ホスト部 / ōran Kōkō Hosuto Kurabu) - black clover (ブラッククローバー / burakku kurōbā) - yuri!!! on ice (ユーリ!!! on ICE) - westworld - the politician - the haunting of hill house - the good place - good omens - brooklyn nine-nine - on my block - lost in space - many more

i'm a big shipper and it causes me quite a bit of pain considering i mostly ship gay ships and i also mostly watch animes so they'll never happen.

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i used to play basketball and tennis, but now i mainly just use my dad's peloton bike and go on runs. oh, and i also snowboard and surf! i'm pretty good at surfing although i need someone to push me on a wave and i'm getting a lot better at snowboarding (although i'm not GOOD).

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i enjoy cooking too, but don't have enough time or energy for it. i love horror movies and house plants, but i can't take care of them for shit.

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i really like to listen to music!!! it's very hard to describe my musical taste, but my top grneres are modern rock, indie pop, indie, pop, rock, electropop, and dance pop. 

i used to listen to more emo music, but recently i’ve found that it just gets me down, so i try to listen to upbeat/chill music.

my spotify account name is strangecharm if you want to follow me! the playlist currently. has music that rotates as i find my favorite songs, but seventh grade. has all the music i've liked this year! i also really enjoy the playlist chill.

i also like musicals (dear evan hansen, be more chill, heathers, six the musical, and hamilton for the most part), but they're not what i listen to for the most part.

oh! i'm a singer and a pianist! i've always loved singing, but i always hated piano. a while ago, i got significantly better and started playing songs i enjoyed. it gave me this sense of motivation i've never felt when it comes to piano. i've even composed a couple piano pieces at this point!

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another really nerdy thing about me is that i genuinely enjoy philosophy and poetry (particularly from one of my favorites, rumi).

i love: - john green - david levithan - terry pratchett - neil gaiman - tomi adeyemi - rick riordan - jalāl ad-dīn muhammad rūmī (aka rumi; he’s an ancient persian poet, and he’s queer as hell) overall, i don't really read by authors, though. for the most part, when i choose a book, it's because it was recommended to me or is of value to me as an author.

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i'd like to grow up to be an author, but i also want to teach writing so i can share what i know! my (dream) life plan is kind of to go to college in london or, if not, somewhere on the east coast of the united states.

from there, i'd either want to study abroad in japan or get my english abroad permit and teach english in japan.

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i'm re-learning spanish and learning japanese, too! i want to learn them for four main reasons among many: 1) knowing spanish is really helpful in america 2) i can write novels in english, spanish, and japanese! 3) both spanish and japanese are absolutely beautiful languages- way more beautiful than english. 4) i can watch animes and have peace of mind because i won't have to read subtitles that are insanely off from what the voice actors are saying.

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i'm an eclectic witch (although i am particularly drawn to divination and green witchcraft)!

i really love tarot cards! some people think they can tell the future which is okay (i guess), but personally, i just use them to help me recognize themes in my and other people's life/lives from an unbiased perspective and help make things better.

my favorite kind of spells are jar spells and tea spells. if i'm doing spells, they're normally protection spells, self-love spells, or anti-anxiety/depression/bad vibe spells. i don't really believe in trying to use hexes or curses because then you're no better than the person you're cursing.

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i love art, but i'm not very good at it, so for the most part i do abstract art instead of realistic art. abstract art is pretty fun, too!

i'm trying to get better at using proportions and things, though. my favorite method is the loomis method and i love the youtube channel proko.

you can check out my book on wattpad, artistic elixir (i know, cheesy; i thought i was cool and i’m too lazy to rename it), if you want to see some of my art.

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i have a lot of unpopular opinions. some are big and some are small. that's just who i am. my mom's insanely left wing and lgbtq+ herself, but my dad's neither left nor right wing, leaving him hated by both wings. i've become a weird mix where i'm definitely more left wing than right, but i'm also not really either wing.

for example, i think that, if I'm being honest, the amount of labels in LGBTQ+ community has gotten out of hand. i'm not saying that the feelings aren't real. I'm not saying that it's impossible to not want to have sex or feel physical attraction until you get to know someone. but some genders & sexualities sound a lot more like a preference to me. i think that a lot of labels that exist could easily fit into other ones that already did exist. i also feel that you need some kind of dysphoria to be genderqueer and that neopronouns are a bit unnecessary.

basically, the rule of thumb for me is that i don't give a fuck. by saying this, i mean that i both do not give a fuck: 1) in that you can do whatever you want and be whoever you want and don't have to to live by my opinions. i understand and respect that and i’ll love you the same as long as you’re not hurting anyone with your actions. 2) in that i won't tiptoe around you, trying not to hurt you. i will share my opinion, regardless of whether or not it hurts you. i speak my mind; that's how i've always been and always will be.

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i have a pinterest, a wattpad, an archive of our own, a spotify, and, obviously, a tumblr, so just ask me if you want my account on any of them!

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that’s basically all i can think of, but i’ll always answer questions for you guys! just send me an ask or even a pm if you want to ask any other questions, or even just want to talk! i’m always up for making friends!

-vio/viola 

[frenchibi]

top 5 books

Hello friend!!!! This is areally really tough question bc I read so many different genres and have SOMANY FAVORITES so I’m going to cheat a little bit… I’ll give you Top3 or 4 (I have no impulse control) for several genres so you’ll get more than 5total but not like.. an inordinate number of books, ok? xD (Who am I kidding I’mgoing off the rails, no apologies)

Fantasy

The Name of the Wind(Kingkiller Chronicles Book 1) and sequel(s) by Patrick Rothfuss. Has beentalked about loads in fantasy circles and I have nothing to add other than“this is the best fantasy book I have ever read, and probably in the top 3 ofbest books I have ever read, period.” The style blew me a way, the characters are fantastic, the system of magic/power in this world is the coolest I have EVER SEEN and… yeah. I’m invested.

Howl’s Moving Castleand sequel(s) by Diana Wynne Jones. Y’all remember the ghibli movie? This isthe book this is based on and it is way, way better than the already fantasticmovie. It is ridiculously charming and witty and lovely and I recommendeveryone read it. You will not regret it. This is my ultimate comfort book, if that makes any sense.

Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett – a hilarious bookabout the apocalypse with absolutely amazing characters and incredible styleand wit. We’re getting a TV series this year and I am beyond stoked. Pleaseread this. It’s… just… yes. British fantasy is SO GOOD.

Honorable mention: Die Stadt der TräumendenBücher by Walter Moers. Theremight be an English translation of this, but honestly I only recommend you readthis if you can read it in its original German – I’m not gatekeeping, it’s justthat so much of its brilliance relies on in-depth knowledge about German culture,history and language and it’s inevitably gonna lose that in translation. It’sone of my absolute favorite books ever and it pains me I can’t share this withmy English-speaking friends :/

YA

The Knife of Never Letting Go (Chaos Walking Book 1) by Patrick Ness. It’shands down the coolest YA book I have ever read and it doesn’t even… feel likeYA at all, more like sci-fi? It could just as easily have gone in the “experimental”category and I don’t wanna give too much away but… the typeface of this book ispart of its charm? Different characters have different fonts and shit? Definitelyread a physical copy of this. Also, the narrator is illiterate so he writeswords by sounding them out – and I know that sounds like that would bedistracting but trust me it’s fantastic??? Please please PLEASE give this atry.

The Watchmaker of Filigree Street by Natasha Pulley. Y’all want a good queerstory that’s not romance-heavy but instead has intricate worldbuilding and really cool magic? Pleaseread this, you will not be disappointed. This is a more “adult” version of YoungAdult Fiction and I absolutely love it.

A Darker Shade of Magic by V.E. Schwab. Is this fantasy, actually? Probably. Does it haveissues? Yes. Is it still a very fun ride with a cool magic/power system? HELLYES. Also the characters are a bit older, which works very well. It’s like YAafter you’ve kind of outgrown YA.

Murder/Mystery

The Strings of Murder (& sequels in the “Frey & McGray” series) by Oscar de Muriel –listen, the main character is a little SHIT and that’s absolutely fine? Themysteries are kind of convoluted but not in a distracting way, it’s just a funseries with fun characters that I really enjoyed!

The Seven Dials Mystery by Agatha Christie (and honestly pretty much everything she has everwritten) – I have nothing to say about Agatha Christie that has not been saidbefore :’D

Phantom bySusan Kay. Now this is kind of also a drama and it’s been a while since I’veread it so idk how well it fits into the murder/mystery category but it’s aboutthe Phantom of the Opera before he became the actual Phantom (or rather, thepath to how he became the Phantom), and I have endless love for this verydramatic and mysterious and misunderstood character so… yeah :D

Collections of Short Stories

Topics About Which I Know Nothing by Patrick Ness. Yes, this is the author of “ChaosWalking” (see above), and this is a collection of a VAST variety of shortstories he has written, all of which are insanely creative and so, so fun??This man has an insane imagination and I love it, instant recommendation toanyone honestly.

Dear Life byAlice Munro – another one that I read a while ago and don’t remember that muchabout, but I remember absolutely loving this book, and that it’s one of thebooks that made me want to read more short story collections :D

The Refugeesby Viet Thanh Nguyen – an interesting bit of perspective, this book centersaround different characters who are Vietnamese or of Vietnamese descent in theUnited States. I loved how eye-opening it was tbh?? I love reading books byauthors from cultures vastly different from my own and this was wonderful.

Poetry/Experimental

Milk and Honey / The Sun and Her Flowers by Rupi Kaur – two collections of very personaland touching modern formless poetry that honestly blew me away. I’m not a bigfan of classic poetry, or poetry in general, but these two books are justincredible.

Good morning, Good night by Lin-Manuel Miranda – a collection of Lin’s “good morning”/ “goodnight” tweets that, idk, give me hope for humanity? Ideal for perusing if youneed cheering up and just an all-round wholesome book to own.

Ella Minnow Pea by Mark Dunn – a “novel without letters” I wouldn’t know where to placeexcept under “experimental” because its premise is basically… an island thatslowly bans more and more letters from everyday use? It’s told in the form ofletters between the characters and it’s just… such a FEAT of writing, the waythe author forces his characters (and himself) to get by with fewer and fewerletters of the alphabet? Fascinating, from a writer’s perspective, and anabsolute recommendation!!!

Sleeping Giants (Book 1 of the Themis Files) by Sylvain Neuvel. This is a sci-fi book,but it’s under “experimental” because, well – it’s told through interviews. Iwas a little confused/put off in the beginning by this style, but the jaw-droppingstory pulled me in and hooked me. It’s a sci-fi EPIC… don’t get too attached toanyone because the apocalypse is coming for them all - and you’ll be at theedge of your goddamn seat. This is a fantastic series.

Drama

The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini. Honestly, anything by Khaled Hosseini, unsurpassedauthor of dramas that will rip your heart to shreds, and you’ll never be thesame after reading them.

Everything I never told you by Celeste Ng. This is one of those books that will never leave you afteryou’ve read it. It starts with “Lydia is dead. But they don’t know this yet.” –unravelling the mystery and consequences of the death of a Chinese-Americanfamily’s teenage daughter in gut-wrenching detail. A family story that willleave you sobbing on the floor but also filled with such profound hope forhumanity – I don’t even know. This book eviscerated me.

Homegoing byYaa Gyasi – the story of two sisters, one a slave and the other a slave-owner’swife, and their descendants. A family history of choices and consequence thatis… raw and personal and a very, very important book.

Home Fire byKamila Shamsie. The story of a British-Pakistani family – more specifically,the story of three children whose father was a terrorist. I am weak for familystories, and this one is politically charged and relevant and gut-wrenching aswell.

Novels/Fiction

The Hours byMichael Cunningham. The first book I read in a stream-of-consciousness style,and I still really enjoy the plot of it, too: The story follows three women;Virginia Woolf writing a novel in the 1920s, a woman reading this novel in the40s, and a woman basically living the plot of this novel in the 90s. It’sfascinating, really? I highly recommend it.

The History of Bees by Maja Lunde. Another story told in three time periods – a man whoinvents a new type of beehive for beekeepers in the 1800s, a beekeeper whosebees are dying in approximately present day, and a woman 100 years in thefuture who pollinates plants by hand because all the bees have vanished. It’s…fascinating, again, and a really good story. I also feel like it was quiteeducational? I enjoyed it a lot.

Small Great Things by Jodi Picoult. Technically this is a drama too (but shh) – it followsa black delivery nurse who is charged with a serious crime after an incidentinvolving the baby of a White Supremacist couple. It’s an explosive topic butit’s handled with a lot of nuance? Reading this book will frustrate you greatly,but I think it’s… idk, important? It shook me.

Eyrie by TimWinton. I have never seen depression portrayed more accurately than in thisbook. I was highlighting passages on almost every page – also the style ispretty cool? Snappy? Sharp? I’m not good at describing it but… yeah this leftan impact.

Non-Fiction (listen I knowthese are all by youtubers but hear me out)

So Much I want to Tell You by Anna Akana – letters written by Anna to her sister, who committedsuicide when she was 13. It’s raw and personal and important, stories aboutpersonal growth and lessons learned, about grief and regret and moving on. Irecommend this 100%.

Secrets For The Mad by Dodie Clark. A collection of charming stories and anecdotes and songlyrics and doodles – a book that reads like what watching dodie’s music videos andvlogs feels like. Safe and soft and personal. I love this.

Doing It byHannah Witton – a book about sex education that honestly everyone should read.Hannah blazes through taboos like they’re nothing more than hot air – as theyshould be. (Also, watch her videos.)

Bonus

The Alchemist by Paolo Coelho. I don’t even know what category to put this in? It reads like a fable and it is just... so beautiful and enchanting. Please read it, you will not be disappointed. It’s a story of chasing your dreams and self-discovery and it’s... just wonderful.

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Did I make this entire listas a means of procrastination? Yes. Am I sorry? No.

Listen I have been wantingto blog about books for the LONGEST TIME but I never took the time to because…idk, I am not involved with the book reviewer community on any platform andhonestly I’m intimidated? But I do have a lot of Thoughts so if you’ve read anyof these and want to yell about them with/at me please dm me??? Or send me anask if you want to hear more detailed opinions about any of these from me????

…yeah. Thank you for this question,man. I love books.

Send me “top 5″ of anything and I’ll respond with my favorites!!!

[honeylikewords]

Poe Dameron is like, the guy, to help a girl out when she's sick. He ain't afraid of catching anything, he makes you his mama's soup, he reads to you when your head hurts, he's a dream.

Oh my goodness, that’s so sweet! Poe really is such a natural carer for others, so I do feel like he’d be wonderful with handling a sick partner. He’s seen enough gory stuff out in the field to not be bothered by something like a stomach bug or a nasty cold. 

Poe can handle all the gross, yucky stuff, no problem. He crouches down with his sweetheart as she hunches over the toilet, gagging as her stomach churns, his hand forming a soft bunch of hair to keep it out of her mouth, the other one rubbing her back in soothing circles as he murmurs “it’s okay”s and “there you go”s in her ear. He doesn’t scare at the smell or the coughing, just rubs her back and passes her mouthwash and water cups.

When she’s done, he helps her back to bed; if she can stand and walk, he’ll support her carefully, one hand on the small of her back, the other under her arm. If she’s too weak for that, he’s delighted to carry her. He likes the feeling of keeping her safe and close, and he’s also slightly smug to show off his incredible arm strength. He likes feeling like he can protect her.

Once in bed, Poe’s bustling around, tending to this and that. He’s got a hearty immune system, so no germs are gonna bust him up. She could sneeze right into his face and he’d just (after the initial gasp of ‘oh, come on!’) wipe it off, give her a kiss, and keep on movin’. 

You’re right about the soup, too: Shara Bey had the best recipe for this wonderful vegetable-broth soup that’s rich and flavorful and surprisingly aromatic, so it’s great for waking up the senses in a digestible and nutritious way. Sometimes Poe just makes it for nostalgia’s sake (and because it’s delicious!), but always makes it when his sweet one is sick. He feels like such a good nurse to his darling as he sits at her side and feeds her the soup, kissing her cheeks between mouthfuls of soup.

“That’s my girl,” he smiles, stroking her brow soothingly. “So brave!”

If she has a bad migraine and just can’t keep her eyes open for anything, he’s more than willing to read to her. He’s fond of reading her fairy tales and myths, legends of great, dashing heroes and their swooning heroines, but also enjoys reading her own favorite books out to her. Poe seems like he’d quite like the witty fantasy worlds of Terry Pratchett, (though perhaps any of the books where Death is a main character ought to be avoided for the sake of bedside manner), or would take a shine to reading her some romantic poetry. Something tells me, too, that he’d have far too much fun reading her Shakespearian sonnets or, in his softest, least-thespian voice, reading her parts of Shakespeare’s plays. However, if she’s in a cross mood and unwilling to bear the Bard, he’d read her something lighter, sweeter. Love poems are often on his mind and he strokes her skin and pets her hair as he reads them, cuddling her as close as is comfortable for her.

In that vein, too, he never stops thinking of her as beautiful, even when her skin is more colorless because of the illness, her eyes more bloodshot, her nose running, her hair a mess of sweat and bed-tossing-created knots. He still sees the one he loves, just in need of some well-earned relaxation and soothing. He knows it can be embarrassing to be seen in such needy straits, but Poe also knows that real love and intimacy can only exist when both partners see each other at their lowest and love them nevertheless. Plus, she’s kinda cute when she’s passed out on his chest, breathing deeply as she sleeps, all messy and sweaty and clinging onto him. He’s happier when she’s healthy, absolutely, but he doesn’t stop loving her and wanting to be near her even when she’s like this. She’s still his special girl. 

When she starts to feel better, Poe still has her take a few days off to make sure everything’s running smoothly. He makes sure she doesn’t overdo anything, doesn’t strain herself too hard. He admits to himself that he kinda likes doting on her and waiting on her like this, because it makes him feel helpful and it keeps them close together. Plus, he feels like her big strong hero, nursing her back to health with his love! It’s dorky but, hey, a fantasy’s a fantasy, and he’s living his as he wipes a cool cloth on her brow and kisses her cute, parted, sleepy lips.

Doctor Poe, to the rescue!

Send Me Asks While I’m On My Roadtrip!

[livvywrites]

11/11/11

Tagged by the lovely @witchywrite~

(and if you want to do my questions as well, feel free. but you don’t have to!) 

1. What is your favorite wip that you have worked/are working on?

THE MARTYR QUEEN. Hands down. It’s my baby. I do have a soft spot for SAPPHIRE DREAMING as well as an old wip of mine, but... I just. I’m in love with the story I’m trying to tell in TMQ, and its series. 

2. Do you have any routines/rituals you do before writing? 

Not as such, no. Mainly what I do is make sure I have something to drink (usually some flavored water, but sometimes a hot beverage or soda) and maybe something to snack on. Sometimes I’ll put on some rain noises, but for the most part, I just kind of pick a place and go. 

3. How long do you generally write for?

That’s a good question. I think I write from anywhere between 15 minutes and an hour usually, but I can (and have) gone longer. 

4. When did you realize you wanted to be a writer? How old were you when you started on your first story?

Oh, jeez. Sometimes it feels like I’ve wanted to be a writer forever. However, I think... that I’d have to say about 3rd grade or so? I forget what age that would be, but under 10. 

At about 11, I started my first real “novel” though I wouldn’t say that was my first story. I still have the composition notebook I started it in, though I later moved it to my first computer, which crashed. 

Um, as for stories in general... I wrote and illustrated my own picture book, about a superhero dog. I also turned an old calendar to a book. I don’t have the calendar, but the superhero dog might be at the house somewhere. 

5. What do you like to do when you aren’t writing?

I read. A lot. Mostly fanfiction these days, but I’ve been making it a point to read more original novels. I read Pratchett’s Tiffany Aching books. They’re so good. Currently I’m reading the Riddle Master of Hed, by Patricia McKilip. I like her writing style a lot, though I’m only two chapters in to the story thus far. (I read another one of her books, though. I adore it.) 

6. How many wips do you have?

Original novels? Just the two, through concentrated effort not to go starting more.

Original short stories/oneshots? Hahaha. Um. I don’t actually know. It’s a lot, though. More than 5.

Fanfiction, long fic? Just one that I have posted. Couple more in development. (Some of those are rewrites of old fics.) 

Fanfiction, oneshots? A lot. I like my short fic, okay? :P 

7. When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?

I went through a few things. Settled on writer in 3rd grade and... never stopped? I’ve cycled through a few backup careers since the, too. 

8. Give your main cast a God/Goddess they would work with if they were Pagan/a witch.

Oooh, this is interesting :o I don’t know a lot about most of the pantheons. I mainly studied/read about Greek mythology growing up, so that’s my forte. But recently I’ve been reading a lot of Nordic stuff, so that might make it in here too. (I’ll be branching out more eventually :D) 

Alinora: It feels like cheating, but I would give her Hades. Or some other death god. Given that Death is her patron in the story, though, it feels kind of like cheating.

Elaena: Death’s daughter in the novel, but... I don’t actually think any of the death gods really suit her personality? I’d give her... Artemis, I think.

Ava: Easy one. Demeter or Persephone.

Lyr: Hm... this one is a little harder, but I think I would go with Athena for him!

Talitha: Loki. I could see her working with Hephaestus or Athena. I could also see her being drawn to Aphrodite. But in the end, I really do think that Loki is the one who suits her best. 

Aishlynn: Um. I think Aishlynn would also be drawn to Artemis. 

Amara: Ahhh.... I want to say Apollo for her, for some reason? But maybe Aphrodite could work for her, or Ares. 

8. Speaking of that, which of your characters would be a witch?

Excellent question! I feel like Ava and Talitha would definitely be drawn to Paganism/witches. 

10. Give your characters an element, (fire, water, earth, air, or spirit)

I like this question! Mainly because I pretty much always associate my characters with the five elements :D

This is mainly going off the way I’ve adapted the elements in TMQ, though.

Alinora: Fire

Elaena: Air

Ava: Earth

Lyr: Water

Talitha: Spirit

Aishlynn: Spirit

11. What would your Main Character’s Altar look like if they were a witch?

Hmmm...

I admit outright that I have only the barest understandings of witchcraft, though it is something that interests me. I’m mainly going to pick things that I associate with Alinora, more than for their spiritual meanings. I hope that’s alright~ 

Alinora would have several candles. Probably black or purple, to suit her patron, but also red, for her element. The Death card from a tarot deck. Cinnamon, maybe ground in jar or a couple of sticks. Sunflowers, whether a picture of them or a vase of them. Roses, as well.

I think that’s everything she would have ^^ I probably should do some more in depth research so I could think of a proper altar, but... maybe later. *adds to list*

Thank you so much for these questions~ They were super fun!  <3

Questions and tags below the cut~ 

My Questions: 

1. 3 songs that remind you of your main character? (Or favorite character.)

2. Have you ever had to cut any characters? If so, what character do you miss/regret cutting the most?

3. Your favorite beverage, hot or otherwise, to have while you write?

4. Ideal writing time?

5. Do you keep notes of scenes/characters/worldbuilding, or do you keep it all in your head? 

6. How do you feel about your writing voice? Do you feel like you’ve developed your own, or like you’re still finding it?

7. What’s one of your favorite lines you’ve written? Preferably within the last chapter/10 pages, but any line is good!

8. How do you stay motivated when it comes to writing?

9. What’s the longest time you’ve ever dealt with writer’s block, and how did you overcome it?

10. 3 songs that make you think of your novel? (Bonus points if you say why!) 

11. 5 reasons you love your WIP?

Tagging: @quartzses; @writings-of-a-narwhal; @abalonetea; @apvtelesma; @serperina; @emmathenovelist (if i’ve tagged you before, feel free to choose which set of questions you do! also, gimme a shout if you want to be tagged, or not, in the future!) 

[clarascuro]

Clara Reads City of Bones Part 3: Hogwarts Institute for Witchcraft and Shadowhunting

The Plot Thus Far

When last we left off, our lovable cardboard cutout protagonist, Clary Fray, had been attacked by a demon called a Ravener and taken to a place called “The Institute”. After three days of recovery, she has an uncomfortable (for us) conversation with Isabelle Lightwood, where we learn that Isabelle is hot and that we, the audience, should hate her for that, and also that Jace Wayland lives with the Lightwood family because his parents are dead. We are meant to feel bad about this. We are meant to feel sorry for Jace, which is a bit of a tall order, considering that Jace Wayland is the worst person to ever smirk and shrug his way through a YA book. If I were trapped in an elevator with him I wouldn’t even wait five minutes to be rescued, I’d pry those doors open and just drop. Death is cruel but quality time with Jace Wayland is crueler. 

So Clary leaves the hospital wing and goes down a long hallway, lead by the sound of someone playing a piano. Last time I said that it was Alec (Isabelle’s brother) who played piano, and that it was his only character trait, but nope!! It’s actually my favorite boy Jace, that sack of human refuse! So I guess Alec has no personality, actually. Anyway, they have some “witty” “banter”, and then Alec takes her to the library to talk to the head of the Institute, Hodge Starkweather, and, yeah. I think it’s time to talk about the Harry Potter stuff. 

The Harry Potter Stuff

You know how E.L. James made minor changes to her crappy Twilight fanfic and then published it as 50 Shades of Gray? Well, as near as anyone can figure out, this is basically the same thing that Cassandra Clare did with her Harry Potter fanfic The Draco Trilogy. Just change the names, tweak the backstories ever so slightly, slap on a crappy cover and publish that sucker! It’s technically not plagiarism anymore! This is how you end up with stuff like "The Institute”, a secret school to teach young magic kids to control their powers, or Hodge Starkweather, elderly magic professor, who, one could argue, is a crackpot old fool teaching our protagonists magic tricks. (Gosh, how does Clare come up with this stuff?) 

This obviously isn’t proof of any kind, but when the villain of your story is named “Valentine” and he’s an evil magic user who has been dead for sixteen years (the age of our secretly magic protagonist) and the main characters are afraid to even say his name...yeah, it doesn’t exactly take a genius to figure out where all of this comes from. 

Now all this is frustrating, but it’s also hilarious. I mean, the big bad of the story is called Valentine. VALENTINE. And I actually laughed out loud for several minuted when I first read the name “Hodge Starkweather” to myself. I still get a little chuckle typing this. Oh, and since the word “muggle” would have JK Rowling’s lawyers on her ass faster than light, the word Cassandra Clare uses for non-magic people is...”Mundie”. It’s short for “mundane”. Like...first of all this is objectively hilarious. Second, mundane just means “normal”. If the Shadowhunter society is magical, then aren’t they they mundane ones? I know humans don’t have magic, but we still figured how to like, fly and stuff. That has to count for something. If I saw a dog that taught himself how to read, I wouldn’t like, make fun of him for not also being able to talk. I’d be like “Shit! That’s a pretty impressive fucking dog!” like what the fuck?

Anyway, this is all just a roundabout way to say that obviously this used to be a HP fic that through some twist of fate landed a publishing deal. And you know, it’s not as brain-meltingly bad as 50SoG, so who cares? Cassandra Clare’s just having fun, so who cares if her writing gets published? 

Well...

The Plagiarism

So, yeah, she plagiarized lot. Like a lot. The Draco Trilogy has lines of dialogue taken directly from shows like Red Dwarf, Black Adder, and Buffy the Vampire Slayer, as well as from Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett novels. Quoting shows apparently used to be pretty common in the early days of fanfiction, so there is context to consider here, but it gets worse. Cassandra Clare lifted almost a whole chapter, nearly word for word, from an out-of-print fantasy series called The Hidden Land, by Pamela Dean. On top of that, Clare was sued in 2016 by author Sherrilyn Kenyon, whose Darkhunter series predates Clares Shadowhunters series. (And for the record, Clare’s series was originally titled Darkhunters. Yikes.) You guys can read the full(ish) stories here and here.

I Guess I Have To Keep Talking About The Plot Now

Sigh. So after Hodge Starkweather (A+ naming there) tells them about Valentine, he explains that Shadowhunters are angel-human hybrids? Or something? They’re special, and they fight demons. Also faries, vampires, werewolves, all that stuff exists. We’re stuck with the Shadowhunters, however, because God has punished me for my hubris, and my work is never done. (Oh look, I just plagiarized Brian David Gibert. I’m a real author now, like Cassandra Clare!) The Shadowhunters were started thousands of years ago by a man named, I shit you not, Jonathan Shadowhunter. JONATHAN. FUCKING. SHADOWHUNTER. Why the fuck am I trying to come up with clever names for my characters? I should just name them all “Alex Clarasbook” and call it a fucking day. Fuck.

Anyway after a thrilling conversation with Alec-Who-Has-No-Personality, we find out that he does have a personality! His personality is that he hates humans. Oh, excuse me, “mundies.” Yep, that’s the best way to make a character relatable. Just make ‘em fucking racist. It’s okay though, it’s only magical racism so it evens out. Have I mentioned that this story has no poc?

(Oh also Clary’s mom was a Shadowhunter, but 1. I hate Clary                        and 2. literally a newborn baby could’ve figured that out, so)

Clary and Jace leave the Institute to go back to Clary’s house, and Clary slaps Jace, an act that brings me such joy that only the birth of my firstborn child will ever eclipse it, and even then, it will be it close tie. The moment is quickly over, however, as Clary immediately feels bad about it, because again, she is not a character. She’s a Walmart mannequin created for Jace to make out with. Then she sees two girls looking at Jace, and, in what can only be called the true essence of the book, “Clary turned instant traitor against her gender.” Just as a reminder, Clary sucks.

Anyway they get to her house, kill a giant, talk to a witch, yaddah yaddah yaddah. Basically nothing happens except the inevitable unraveling of my mental processes. I had to stop reading there because I have better things to do with my life besides destroying the few braincells I have left. I’ll post the next part soon, as soon as I can read more than five pages without wanting to fling the book off a seaside cliff into the frothing mist that obscures the swell and crash of the unforgiving waves. Until then, please enjoy some of my favorite bad lines.

Selected Passages (And Commentary)

“Jace chuckled. Clary could tell that he had come up behind her and was standing there with his hands in his pockets, grinning that infuriating grin of his.”                                                                                                             (She knew all that without looking?)

“Attacked. Clary wondered if this was a euphemism for ‘murdered’.”            (Clary you’re literally the dumbest person I’ve ever met.)

“Clary let out a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding in.”                  (This may just be me being petty, but I hate this cliche so much.)

“‘You may be the only guy my age I’ve ever met who knows what bergamot is, much less that it’s in Earl Grey tea.”                                                                   (Ah yes, that famous stereotype, that boys don’t know about tea. Oh, you like tea? Name three kinds. I hear sexist gatekeeping is a real problem in the tea community. I am not having a good time.)

“Dorothea chuckled. ‘It’s good to see a young woman eat her fill. In my day, girls were robust, strapping creatures, not twigs like they are nowadays.’ ‘Thanks,’ Clary said. She thought of Isabelle’s tiny waist and felt suddenly gigantic.”                                                                            (Cassandra Clare’s super feminist, guys. You can tell because she’s always pitting her female characters against each other.)

Rating So Far

3/10-Bad. Jonathan Shadowhunter gets an entire 10/10. I’m going to have my name legally changed to Jonathan Shadowhunter.