#definitely doesn’t help my body dismorphia

[beautyqueenproblems]

Red is MY color and it’s banned for everyone else.

[emmyrosee]

HIIIIII EMMYYY are you ready for possibly my most self indulgent rant yet?

so I actually haven’t had the best past few days and using fictional men as my comfort actually helped make me feel better a bit, soooo I’m here to share another rant in case you’re down and need this too!! :D

atsumu, the love of my life, my pride and joy, my husband, my everything tbh!! comforts you after a hard day, you’ve been down about so many things-body image (my main struggle as a not so skinny girlie tbh) not feeling good enough, missing out on stuff, whatever it is!! and when you get home you’re all teary and admit that the only thing you wanted all day was him. And he MELTS AND MAKES IT HIS MISSION TO MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER. he’d make sure you’re properly taken care of- sooooo many cuddles, the SWEETEST of sweet nothings whispered in your ear to make you ease up and feel so loved. That’s all he wants for you- he wants you to feel every single ounce of his love. He’s so set on taking care of you the best he can. Rubbing up and down your back and kissing you all over, every inch he can reach (if you’re like me with the body insecurities, he’d definitely give extra attention to those places). He’ll also do his best to make you laugh if you don’t want to talk about it. And when you wake up the next day, he’s still all sweet on you, making you breakfast and using your favourite pet names, etc. he hates when you feel sad, so he’ll be on high alert for the next couple days making sure his baby is recovering and not stuck in a bad place. I’m just so so so so soft for him always and he brought me a lot of comfort today so I wanted to share!!! There is absolutely NO RUSH to respond to this btw, please don’t feel pressured to!! ILYYYYY I HOPE YOU’RE DOING WELL !!!!

anon <3

LITERALLY LIVE LAUGH L O V I N G THIS-

Listen. ListEN TO ME DAMN IT-

ATSUMU LOVES A THICC MOMMAS AND HE KNOWS YOU KNOW THAT, OKAY??? I DONT MAKE THE RULES AND IF YOU THINK I DO, I ACTUALLY DO BC THIS IS MY KINGDOM

also just as a tiny baby tw for some potential body dismorphia, there’s nothing in detail but I know negative talk in fics can trigger it, so I just want everyone to feel safe 🥺❤️

Listen. Self esteem is something hard to maintain. And he knows that, he’s so proud of you for the strides you’ve made- but no one always loves themself. No one always loves who they are or what they see in the mirror.

And he’d rather shove a toothpick under his toenail and kick a wall than ever have you fester in these thoughts alone.

The minute your fine ass comes strutting into your house, eyes a little watery and bottom lip trembling, he instantly jumps up and wraps you up in his big arms, cradling your head and shushing you softly. He’s not gonna make you talk while you’re sobbing into his chest, though his mind is soaring a million thoughts a second to try and figure it out.

“Bad day?” He murmurs into your hair once you calm down, and you offer him a sniffle and cling to him tighter.

“They’re so… mean, ‘tsumu,” you whimper and he’s about ready to maim someone and their first born.

“Who is?”

“The little voice in my head…” you choke on your tears while Atsumu tenses up. “And telling me you’re too good for me and I’m too ugly for you and fat and-“

“Stop.”

His sharp word make you tense up, and you look up at him with watery eyes.

He wipes one of your tears with his calloused thumb, “I’m not ‘too good’ for you. That doesn’t exist. You deserve even better than anything I could give ya; and even if you don’t feel like the sexiest piece of ass on this damned planet, it’s not for you to decide if I’m ‘too good’ one day. You’re mine baby, and the universe made us for each other. So shut your fine ass up.”

It makes you giggle, but you know that there’s complete truth in his words, and with a shaky sigh you nod and let him kiss you once, twice, and a third time with only love on his lips.

But he doesn’t stop there. Nay nay.

If anything, things escalate in the best ways.

Because he already can barely keep his paws off of you, but if you’re feeling especially insecure, even for brief stints, he refuses to let your mind continue to tread.

If he’s at the stove, you’re tucked under his arm while he cooks with his dominant hand, letting his left hand soothingly stroke your arm. He makes little noises and grunts when he wants you to try a taste of whatever he’s making, and he smiles when you hum in contentment.

If you’re folding laundry, he’s gently grabbing your hand and spinning you into his arms, dancing a quick back and forth with you; it ends when he bends you into a dip, but that’s mostly because the squeal and the subtle smacking of his chest lets him know that you’ve had your fun, but you need to focus or whatever.

When you’re washing your face, his arms are looped low around you with his chin hooked over your shoulder, smacking on a silly voice to “explain” what products you’re using and how much of it to use, like a beauty guru.

When you’re finally settled in bed and he’s finishing up in the bathroom, you smile sweetly at him from over your book when he slinks back in, basketball shorts low on his hips and muscle tee clinging to his frame. Wordlessly, he leans on the edge of the bed, soft lips tracing kisses from your cheek, to suckle at your jawline and neck, and once he makes his way to your collarbones, he takes your book out of your hands while you recline back.

“Bookmark it.”

“I know what to do.”

His lips move to the valley of your breasts to leave marks just along your skin, his massive paws cradling the soft part of your belly. Your breath hitches, and he hums a soft reassurance.

“My baby,” he mumbles. “Wish I could’ve been there with you today. Kept those nasty thoughts away.”

You mewl as he buries his face against you, the unruly parts of his hair tickling you softly, “you’re here now.”

“And I’m never goin’ anywhere.” He wraps his arms around your torso to nuzzle into you, seemingly settling into a comfortable position to sleep for the night.

You giggle, “comfy?”

“Extremely,” he murmurs. “Told Meian I was spewing chunks and couldn’t come in tomorrow, so you’ve got me all to yourself.”

“Atsumu!”

“What, you think ‘Omi’s gonna let me on the court if he thinks I’m puking? He hates puke.”

“Stop saying puke,” you whine, swatting at him with some giggles. “You’re killing the mood.”

“Ah?” He hums, raising his head with a cheshire smile, “there’s a mood?” He raises back on his haunches to wrap his meaty hands around your thighs, and with a quick pull, he’s got you on your back just below him, squeals and giggles pealing from your lips.

“‘Tsum, I’m tired,” you whine, though your legs instinctively curl around him.

“Not gonna do anything,” he assures, the hands moving from your legs to brace on either side of your head. “Just like lookin’ at you… always love lookin’ at you.”

“Creep.”

He cocks a brow, “you think that’s creepy?”

“I do.”

“Well wait ‘til you hear what smellin’ ya does to me.” Before you can say anything, he ducks his head down to the soft pillowiness of your neck, taking ridiculously loud inhales through his nose. You shove at him with uncontrollable laughter, knees bumping into his back.

“You freak, get away!”

“Wait ‘til you hear what feelin’ ya does to me,” he mumbles from your neck, and in a similar fashion, his left hand comes down to claw at your sides dramatically, his sniffling now mingling with the tickling.

“S-Stop it!”

“But nothin’ quite like tastin’ ya, dollface.”

Your mind can barely process his words before he leans up to kiss the giggles straight from your mouth, his massive frame keeping you still and as if protecting you from anything you may fear.

He’s warm, he smells divine and he feels just like home, and for a moment you forget that even if you hadn’t come home and said you weren’t feeling great, there’s still a chance the night could’ve ended the same.

“Penny for your thoughts?” He whispers, nuzzling your nose with his.

You bite your lip, “I want cinnamon rolls for breakfast.”

He chuckles, “you got it boss.”

And just as atsumu always does, he holds true to that; the next morning, you wake up to the smell of vanilla and honey dancing through your home, and while part of you is bumming out for not being in your boyfriend’s arms, he’s up for you.

He does his daily affirmations with you- once again obliterating you with tickles when you snort at some of them- makes sure you eat anything you desire because he could die from the idea you’re not eating enough because of the things you try to convince yourself, and just. Being there. Holding your hand, complimenting you no matter where you are, playing hooky on his day off just to make sure you’ve got your fill and you’re right back where your sexy ass left off.

“‘Tsumu?”

“Yeah baby?”

“Thank you.”

He kisses your hairline without a second thought, wrapping an arm around you and letting you curl against him.

“Never gotta thank me for something I was born to do, babydoll.”

[introverted-scribblings]

ORAITYY! HELOO DEAR! I hope you are doing fine <3.

I would like to ask for match-up(creeepypasta) please! I am A Campaigner (ENFP) ,someone with the Extraverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Prospecting personality traits. In depth i am book smart but gullible as well as dense (LMFAO) My sister calls me "idiot" sometimes when i fall for things because of my gullibleness haha. Based on my friends, I am caring, ridiculously gullible, short (im 5'2 or 159 cm percisely) and i think in a way rationally, confident, smart, However, i have Generalized Anxiety and Body Dismorphia. So basically, i get anxious a lot about some things. I also have a bit anger issue. I am a weeb, ARMY (not way much) Dsmp Fan I am an Aries, moon is Taurus, Rising is Aquarius. and i am straight. RIGHT, thats all from meee. Thank you for your Time <3

Sorry this took a while, darling! Life is starting to pick up for me :(

Forgive me if it's a little short. Again, there's a bit going on right now. Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

I match you with...

~BEN~

He will definitely mess with you at first.

Loves how gullible you are, it makes you an easy target for his bullshit.

He’d kind of an ass to you for a while.

But that gullible quality would become endearing to him after some time. And after that, he’d become very protective over you.

He doesn’t like it when other people mess with you, that’s his job.

His teasing would only increase when you enter a relationship.

Also loves the fact that he’s taller than you. Only by like two inches, but it still counts!!

If his teasing ever goes too far, and he upsets you. Tell him.

Believe it or not, he will apologize. Only for you.

He cares and doesn’t want to hurt you, he’ll tone down his teasing after that and make sure you’re doing okay.

He feels bad when your anxiety gets the better of you and tries to ease your worries in those times.

He’ll be completely genuine about it, too.

He’ll also try to distract you from your anxieties by playing video games or watching anime with you.

Let’s be honest, he’s also kind of a weeb.

Either way, he’ll do his best to help you through your tough times.

Overall, he does care about you. He has a weird way of showing it, but he does care!

Your relationship would be interesting, but if you’re committed it will work out just fine~

The song I pick for you two is:

“She’s Kinda Hot” by 5 Second of Summer

[barnesbabee]

I said I wasn’t going to be problematic this year, HOWEVER...

I need to say this because you all, here on tumblr, are the target audience.

You CANNOT say you’re trans-something and justify it with a random dismorphia. LET ME EXPLAIN put the pitchfork back in your drawer thank you

You can’t be transracial. And you certainly can’t fucking be transabled.

And some of you might be wondering, ‘what is that’? Well they’re made up terms for the priviledged people

transracial is when someone changes their race because they feel like they don’t belong in their race

transabled  is when someone feels like they should have a disability. Or if you want a posh definition ‘the desire or the need for a person identified as able-bodied by other people to transform his or her body to obtain a physical impairment ‘  This is the best way I can describe it, some people go around on wheelchairs and shit because in their heads they should be disabled. Some people want to chop off their limbs so they can actually be who they feel they should be 

I don’t think I need to tell you why this is messed up, but I will, nevertheless, because some of you like to say that dismorphia justifies everything

it doesn’t. And I’m tired of having to watch my mouth because of snowflakes. 

There are people who can’t walk on their own anymore, there are people who can’t write anymore, can’t cook on their own, can’t bathe on their own, there are people who had to readjust their whole fucking lives because they lost body parts, or because they were born with it. There’s people who have never known what it is to have 2 arms and 2 legs. There’s people who had to learn to live a different way after losing body parts to a war, to diabetes, to car crashes, work incidedents... And the fact that some people want to sit in a wheelchair because they feel like it’s their identity.... I’m sorry, what? It shows the priviledge. And this is something thaat should be treated. And if you don’t see any wrong with this it just shows that you have never had to deal with someone who’s disabled physically, or a physically impaired person’s family. It’s hard. You showed so much rage against Sia’s movie because she didn’t choose an autistic (mentally desabled) person to play an autistic character, it’s the same thing. Mental and physical disabilities affect people’s lives differently, but they still affect people’s lives. And to pretend you are disabled, wether it is mentally or physically, it’s wrong, and messed up, no matter what dismorphia you feel. 

If you truly feel like this, you need to seek help before something bad happens. 

And maybe I’m the asshole for saying this, but I’l take one for the team, I know I’m right on this one. This isn’t gender, this is people who live with difficulties and have to face so many hardships in their lives so others can play pretend with their reality.

transracial says enough on its own name, you know why this is wrong its not even a thing but if you still have questions on why it’s wrong feel free to hate me on my inbox I’ll be more than happy to explain why pretending to be a race you’re not is messed up and wrong

onto the next one and this one is J U I C Y

W h a t   t h e   f u c k   a r e   t h e s e

Now obviously I’ve cut the person’s @ cause I don’t want any degenerate sending them hate (they’re a minor) 

but no, this isn’t a parody

and this is why people make a mockery out of gay people. And not only that! This is the reason why people make fun of sexualities that aren’t straigt or gay, ‘cause we are just ‘making up stuff’ and ‘adding stuff’ that wasn’t there before, like our sexual and romantic attractions aren’t valid 

AND THIS IS WHY

because people are genuinely identifying as animesexual nowadays. 

I mean, come on. Incestsexual? These weren’t even the worst, there was one that was (tw here skip to next sentence if youre sensitive to sexual abuse) the attraction to sexual abusers, something along those lines. People are abused every day for others to think that an attraction to that is a genuine sexuality.

Are you insane. Are you actually stupid. 

A PREFERENCE IS NOT A SEXUALITY. I don’t know how many times I need to say this. I am attracted to dad bods. I am still bisexual. Because a man with a dad bod falls into the men category. I am not dadbodsexual????????? 

These things are one of the biggest reasons why people take homossexiality, bissexuality, assexuality, etc... as a joke. Because they think anything is a sexuality nowadays when it’s not true.

If you’re attracted to an anime character, first of all, I feel you, my heart is still with danny phanton (not an anime I know) but it’s not a sexual orientation. Not to mention that you can’t actually have sex or a relationship with an anime character because it’s not real (?). I can’t believe I’m having this conversation.

The LGBTQ+ isn’t a joke, this isn’t some shit that you can make up a new thing and add it because there’s a ‘+’ in there. You can’t piggyback ride off of people’s gender dismorphia, body dismorphia, and sexuality to justify some weird kink or preference you have. It’s not fair for the people that actually have to come out, for the people that suffered and still suffer to this day to be who they are.

I know some of you will probably disagree with me, please tell me why, to the ones who are currently fuming because you don’t like what I wrote save your hate, I can assure you I will tell you to suck my left nut. I genuinely want to see the arguments of people who defend any of these, from the top to the bottom. Not only the sexuality ones cause thats easy to defend with ‘people like what they like 🌸✨’, yes, but don’t make it a sexuality and claim it to be part of the lgbt thanks have a good day 

love you all, except the ones I hate 

[ajokeformur-ray]

Match up // Arthur Fleck+Joker

@x-avantgarde-x said: Girl, it can't be that I'm the only one who hasn't asked you for a match-up with our boys! So bear with me, I'm gonna ask you for one >:3. The name is Marta (thought you already know that :b) I'm 4'11, really tiny. I'm a mix of soft and vintage aesthetic. I love any colour, and I always try to wear something that fits the season. I'm super soft, kind and polite. I'm super supportive of those I love and super caring. Though I can be truly rude if you get on my bad side. (Part 1) (part 2) I'm a huge nerd. I'm studying humanities and I love literature, music and movies. I live for acting, drawing, reading, writing, etc. Anything that's related to arts I'm into it! I even act at a theater company. I work really hard to improve my both my mental health and self-esteem. Though leaving with anxiety, depression and body dismorphia can be truly hard sometimes I try to stay happy and bubbly most of the time. I believe a smile and a kind word are the most powerful things ever.

Arthur Fleck

You’re 4′11 and Arthur is 5′8, which means that he’s got a good head and shoulders on your height. If you think he’s protective of his s/o, then when his s/o is able to perfectly fit in his arms and he has to bend over a little just to kiss the top of your head, his protective streak increases by 1000000% because you’re so small. The one and only time he ever caught you standing on a chair to reach something in the kitchen cupboard, he near enough had a heart attack. The resulting laughing fit lasted almost fifteen minutes. Now, you make it a point to ask him to get you things high up. He does it, of course he does. He practically sprints to assist you just to be sure that you’re not gonna attempt to climb his countertops again. You really scared him that day.

Whereas Arthur likes to wear natural colours and seems to rely heavily on his yellow hoodie, you’re more than happy to wear an assortment of styles, colours and combinations. One of his favourite parts of the morning is finding out what you have chosen to wear that day. Is it based on your mood? Is there a reason for each outfit? Which one is your favourite? If you ever dressed like him, he’d be more than a little taken aback and definitely confused. He’d always compliment you on your outfits. The biggest compliment he could ever give you, though, is simply being unable to look you in the eye because he’s blushing so prettily and help him he’s so in love with you.

You’re both soft, caring, supportive and so loving. As such, arguments and the like are very rare between the two of you. You’d rather give Arthur space than say something you might regret, and he’s too afraid of losing you to even consider saying something which may potentially take you away from him, even for a little while. However, if someone even dares to say something against Arthur or yourself, then the other person goes apeshit. Arthur can, has and will punch people out for insulting you in his presence, and you lay into people thickly when they call Arthur a freak for simply being his own pure, precious self.

You have a huge creative streak and this shows in almost every walk of your life. You and Arthur both work in the arts, though your own pursuits are more rewarding and liberating than his own, and he’d love nothing more than for the two of you to put your own shows on together in the living room. There’s no audience because it’s not for the world to see. It’s for you and Arthur only. In those moments, the world can truly get fucked. When Arthur is trying to cheer you up or calm you down, he’ll invite you to sit on the sofa so he can put on a show for you; he’ll even put proper clown makeup on for you. Or, better yet - he’ll do some clown makeup on you so you match him.

You both suffer so much more than the world, than Gotham realises, but you both fight your own battles and you support each other and you love each other and you’re fighting in your own and each other’s corners. Sometimes things explode and you do have a small confrontation but Arthur will bring out his joke book and make you laugh until you’re crying and can’t remember why you were arguing in the first place. Arthur would love for you, and he would never let you doubt that for a second. You are his entire world, the only good he has in his life, and he’ll be damned if anyone tries to take that away from him. Your smile is Arthur’s all time favourite sight and he’d die just to see it beginning to grow at the corner of your mouth. The first time he made you smile, he thought he’d died and gone to Heaven. Or Hell. He was unsure but it was the sweetest torture and he wants it again and again and -.

Joker

Wahhhhh you’re a smol bean and even though Joker is much more liberated and more comfortable in himself, that protective streak never goes away. If anything, Joker is so much more protective than Arthur ever was. If Joker ever walked in on you actually climbing the counter to reach something, or standing so far up on your tip toes that you’re shaking, he’d swoop in with his hands on your waist, fingers gripped tight in silent admonishment but also to reassure himself that he’s not going to drop you, and remove you from the situation. He’s also definitely the type to leave something precious to you high up so that, when you inevitably have to climb or stretch to reach it, he can come up behind you and press his crotch into your bum, just to hear you squeal. When you spin around, his lips are on yours. He’s the master of distracting you.

You like to wear colours that match the seasons, whereas Joker is always wearing the same three piece suit. He has multiple suits that are all the same, and rarely does he switch clothing; unless he’s masquerading or Arthur or he’s letting his guard down just a little when he’s at home. Wearing colours that would complement Joker’s outfit would be the quickest and easiest way to get him horny asf (if that’s your goal) but it would also be a really sweet, silent way of expressing your love for him. When you wear something new, he compliments you sincerely, though he probably has an ulterior motive for it. For example, “as much as I love that colour on you, I think it’d look much better on the floor...”

You’re polite, soft, loving and giving, endlessly supportive and a total ray of sunshine until you’re not. Joker would love seeing you get angry. He’d love seeing you totally rip into people, including him, if the situation ever called for it. If you ever do seriously argue with him, though, and went to leave, he’d dart up and quickly block your exit. You will sit down, you will listen to each other and you will communicate with each other and no one leaves until the situation is resolved. He’s not above pouting and actually sitting on you to make you listen to him. Stay long enough, and you’ll find out why he’s so insistent on talking it out: Joker is scared. He’s scared to lose you, and though he doesn’t show it very often, he really does think the world of you. Where Arthur used to punch people out, Joker would kill them in brutal ways. You don’t wanna know the details, even as he tells you that the blood on his clothing isn’t his.

Joker loves to dance, put on shows, and the fact that you act too? A match made in heaven!! He is so often pulling you up and out of your chair just so he can dance with you (in more ways than one if you get me lmao wink wink), spinning you around like no tomorrow and dipping you just so all you can think about is kissing him and ruining his face paint, and then you do kiss him and then the rest of the plans you had for the day is cancelled because you’re not going anywhere now. When you’re studying, like watching a documentary you forgot to take notes on, or when you’re writing or drawing, Joker loves to have you sat on his lap, his arms wrapped around you. He just loves having you be as close to him as possible so that a) he can protect you from any dangers and b) because he loves you. 

You try to stay happy and you smile at people who you meet in the street and you try to laugh through your pain and god do you feel pain, and Joker is always so proud of you. He knows how hard it is to live sometimes, he knows what it’s like to always be fighting yourself. He sees you and though he’s not as supportive as Arthur, he’s still there and won’t ever leave you. If you ever tried to apologise for your conditions, he would wave you off with a, “We’re in love, sweetheart. Ride or die, remember?” or something similar to make you blush prettily and smile. Just like Arthur, he’d do anything to preserve your smile, and I do mean anything.

[hillywooddestiel]

Insatiable

My Insatiable Rant

Prepare yourself cos I anticipate this getting long

I've watched Insatiable. I've watched the full thing from beginning to end. Therefore I am justified to give my opinion on it. And I liked it. I liked the show and wouldn't mind a second season.

For starters, I'm sick of seeing people lying/taking things out of context/ not even watching before passing judgment. The show is not about fat shaming, it's not homophobic, it's not serious! If you see a review and the person states straight away that they haven't watched the show in its entirety, it's not a trustworthy review.

1. Fat shaming

This show isn't about fat shaming. It's more about the effects of fat shaming. Patty gets punched in the face and subsequently loses a lot of weight resulting in her being "skinny". Her lawyer, also a pageant coach falsely accused of molestation, sees that she's skinny and asks her an interview style question to test if she could be his next pageant girl. Bob Armstrong, her lawyer, wants to take her under his wing and clear his name. When Patty goes back to school, people notice her because she's "hot" now after losing the weight (and having a makeover from Bob) but it's quickly pointed out to her (by Magnolia Barnard) that she's still the same girl and everyone still remembers Fatty Patty.

Debby Ryan is only in the fat sit for the first few minutes of the first episode. That is it! Patty's not even stick thin when she's "skinny", she had what I would say is a more realistic body for impressionable teen girls to see. Her ribs aren't sticking out, she still has belly rolls when she sits down, her face is still kind of round and not angular like a truly skinny person's would be. Throughout the show, Patty spends a lot of time looking in the mirror hating on herself because she's still not comfortable in her own body; she thinks she needs to be thinner and then maybe people will like her and she'll fit in. At one point, she breaks down in a store changing room because she hates her body. She clearly has body dismorphia!

It's never said that being fat was a bad thing. Yes it's said that "skinny is magic" but that's when things are going okay. When things go bad, Patty retracts the statement (she does the same thing when she thinks she's possessed). And in the end SPOILER ALERT, Patty has nothing. She's stood pushing a dead body into a lake with no boyfriend, no popularity, nothing.

2. Homophobia

The show isn't homophobic either.

Nonny- Nonny is Patty's best friend who also happens to have a huge crush on her. SPOILER ALERT Despite denying her sexuality at first, she eventually comes to terms with the fact that she likes women and even gets herself a badass girlfriend and the support of her dad.

Bob Barnard and Bob Armstrong- SPOILER ALERT These two end up together. Hot Bob is a little mean to Other Bob at first but it turns out he's been crushing on him since high school. Other Bob takes some time to come to terms with how he feels. He denies being bisexual ("Bisexuals are like demons or aliens. They don't exist") because saying he is would mean his feelings for Hot Bob are real and since he loves his wife, he doesn't want these feelings to be real. Also Hot Bob pushes him to be gay saying "Bi is just a stop on the train to Gayville. Chugga chugga choo choo!" so Other Bob feels that saying he's bi would mean he is gay. But really, I was surprised to initially find out he had a wife and not a husband. A lot of people are really up in arms about their comments on bisexuality because they don't keep watching to the episode after where Other Bob accepts that he is bi and loves both his wife and Hot Bob.

Brick Armstrong- He isn't gay but he does help out at an LGBTQ centre whole on probation. When everyone leaves the bikini dog wash, he calls up his friends from the centre and they help out. This includes drag queens, a lesbian woman who helps Nonny and a trans woman who discusses body image in the bathroom with Patty.

3. It's A DARK COMEDY

This show is sold as a dark comedy. A quick Google search of 'dark comedy' tells me

Black comedy, also known as dark comedy or gallows humor, is a comic style that makes light of subject matter that is generally considered taboo, particularly subjects that are normally considered serious or painful to discuss. Comedians often use it as a tool for exploring vulgar issues, thus provoking discomfort and serious thought as well as amusement in their audience. From Wikipedia

dark comedy

noun

1. a play, movie, etc., having elements of comedy and tragedy, often involving gloomy or morbid satire.

2. a comedy based on problems of a personal or social nature. Dictionary definition

It's not meant to be taken seriously and the style is nothing new. The are tonnes of funny jokes that are typical of a dark comedy but are taken out of context to persuade people that they should boycott the show.

Some points that people are not sure about

Patty's crush on Bob- SPOILER ALERT Patty develops a crush on Bob after he becomes her pageant coach. I can only pin point this down to the fact that he is one of the first people to be truly nice to her and he was in the same boat in high school. She views them as soulmates which of strange and a little uncomfortable to watch. But I do understand the reasoning.

The accents- The show is set in Georgia so everyone (except the kids?) has a very over the top southern accent. It is an odd choice but I wouldn't say it was a horrible one.

"Terrible acting"- Many people are criticizing the acting in the show. As someone who likes to think they can spot terrible acting a mile away, I didn't see it. Sure, there are iffy moments and none of it's Oscar worthy but it's a comedy show.

Some plot points are just left unanswered- this one I do agree with. So much happens and so much is left unanswered. SPOILER ALERT The rape case just gets ignored a lot after Regina is released from prison, Christian's dad gets injured in an accident and just disappears, the man that Patty's mum reaches out to is never fully explained (maybe we are to assume he is Patty's father but he gets arrested straight away and then her mum vanishes), the surgery Patty needed is never mentioned after the exorcism. I'm sure there's more but these are the main ones that spring to mind.

So to conclude...

Insatiable is not the show the advertising portrayed it to be, it's much better and goes deeper into issues. If you just don't like it, fine, that's not a problem. But, to those who stop part way through because they're so delicate that the views expressed by characters hurt their feelings and to those who made up their mind without a fair trial, I challenge you to finish the show and say the same things about it afterwards. If you would like to continue discussing the show or have questions, my ask box is open.

[obrientheknot]

Fun fact: ya girl went dress shopping.

I know that all of my experiences are not universal and I obviously enhance them for drama but like this shit was DRAMATIC..

so we pull up, it’s me, my mom, my sister, future M.I.L, and two of my best friends. Now I’m an idiot, and wore white because my thought was “aww it’ll be so cute I’ll buy this cheap ass bag on amazon and look like a bride going dress shopping!” Now in my advanced state of thinking I conveniently forgot that #1 I can’t wear white because I become a stain magnet #2 it will be 30 degrees out and I will be cold. Fast forward to dress shopping, my nips could have cut diamonds and I had to throw the $8 dress away because of make up.

We get to Bijou Bridal in Ardmore, which I was told by MULTIPLE PEOPLE would be THE SPOT I would find my dress. I told the woman on the phone when I made my appointment that I was just testing dresses out I was not intending to buy that day, I wanted to see what I like and if I got lucky I got lucky..but that was on the phone.

We go in and they tell us to look around and find some dresses that we like and our girl will be with us shortly. So we start and we’re making fun of some and then picking out some we think are cute when young Molly Ringwald joins the pack. I legit thought this woman was going to start quoting the breakfast club she looked DEAD like Molly Ringwald. Tragically, she did not. Instead she VERY EXCITEDLY had me introduce the squad and then discussed my likes and dislikes. She asked about pricing and style and designers and then told us to give her the dresses we like. I was then separated from the herd and led to a dressing room while they were told to sit. She was soooo excited and happy and kept saying YOURE A BRIDE!! As I felt like I needed a Xanax and a second to breathe.

I picked out like..meh 6 dresses? That I liked and she was like alright! I LOVE ALL THESE AND I LOVE YOU AND JUST GET NAKED TO YOUR COMFORT LEVEL AND I WILL PUT YOU IN THESE BEAUTIFUL GOWNS. Like..okay. I almost wanted to tell her to relax but I was hyperventilating over the fact that I was dress shopping and I was just about naked in front of this woman I just met so I didn’t.

Also, I tried on like..one of everything. I didn’t know what I liked or what was comfortable so everyone just sort of went for what they thought was cute aligned with my taste preferences. Pro tip: if you don’t know what you like..don’t naturally assume what you dislike. I walked in there with my mind made up that cap sleeves would not appear on my body but now I don’t hate them. Also swore I wanted a sheath style dress but guess what..no. They didn’t let us take any pics unless we decided to buy for reasons but I did get one!

So we go through and I think she forgot the fact that I said “I don’t like sequins” because she kept pulling sequin numbes that were itchy and scratchy and made me look like Jay Gatzbys dream in Art Deco doilies. She also kept saying “so you want the least looking wedding dress wedding dress..” like girl no. I just want something simple!!!! The concept is not hard to grasp!!!! I was laughing but inside I was like 😒

After the first dress it felt like prom shopping. I would put it on, walk out, she’d put a veil on me. Everyone would judge and I would hobble away. There weren’t any tears or arguments like on say yes to the dress. It was very low key. I think they could all tell I was overwhelmed and didn’t want to freak me out.

We get to this last dress. Hella plain, tulle bottom, medium train, lace detail. I liked it a lot on the hanger and when I put it on it was like zam okay.

I put my little heels on that I brought because I wanted to see how I’d look with a little lift. When I walked out they all started with the tears like omggggg this is your DRESS. Then I start crying cause like..my moms crying...but every time I look in the mirror I’m like ew are y’all seeing me this looks terrible. Then Molly R throws a belt on it and the veil and the tears are renewed. I liked it but I wasn’t like FUCK LETS GET IT YALL.

She’s like let’s go see it in the natural light so you can see how it photographs...like that made a difference to me somehow...it didn’t but everyone was like ooooohhhh love it. And then she asks “OMG RACHEL IS THIS IT IS IT YOUR DRESS? IS IT? OMG” and I just shrugged and was like I guess? And everyone yelled and I was like wtf did I just do??

Thank god for my sister, I looked at her like help!! And she mouthed “you don’t want it?” I shook my head and she pulled the girl aside and was like yeah she’s overwhelmed and she’s not getting this dress. It was so overwhelming. Like everyone was waiting on me and eyes popping out of heads. It was too much pressure for me to make a decision.

She was like ohhhhh that’s too bad, I’ll write the info down for you and you can call us back any time to come see it. So with that I apologized profusely for wasting her time, got changed and went out to lunch with the squad.

Here’s the dress. Very pretty but like...I know there is something out there better for me. I really just wished Kyle was there with me so I could’ve gotten his opinion but I guess that’s the point 🤷🏼‍♀️

My takeaways from my first ever wedding shopping experience are as follows:

1. Definitely have an idea of what you’re interested in style wise, but dont limit yourself to only trying those dresses on, you literally don’t know what you’ll like until you see it ON YOUR OWN BODY (aka capsleeves)

2. Bring a strapless bra, heels that would be similar in height to what you’d wear on the day of, and underwear (that’s really just for me because I hate underwear). It’s possible that you’ll try on dresses without a bra. It took me until the end to realize I looked better in the dresses without them.

3. Yes it’s scary but try to have fun with it. Everyone is there for you so don’t be afraid to be emotional.

4. If you’ve got and ED or body dismorphia issues like me, bring friends. I know what my mom and sister wanted me in but having friends there who know what I like and how I wanted to look helped me look past the mirror and see me how they saw me, and swayed me from just listening to what my mom and sister wanted which would’ve had me in something different. Also don’t freak out that the dresses don’t fit or close. They only get certain sizes for people to try on and trust me, they only fit those sizes. They don’t mean you’re fat or bad, just means the dress doesn’t come in your size.

5. Don’t stress if you don’t pick a dress, AND DONT BE PRESSURED TO BUY A DRESS! I almost did and I’m so glad I didn’t. If you’re not completely like over the moon, don’t buy that shit!

[sweet-xoxo-thatcares]

I'm kinda even more glad that I left. Had I stayed till now, she still would have opened their relationship to date side people, but she would have still excluded me. Still denied me. Still rejected me. Cause she doesn't want me to think that I'll ever have a chance to be with her partner. She's sadistic on purpose, not by accident. She knew I was confident and I was competition. And knowing Jay, Jay would have been obedient to look at other options if she told them to not pick me. But I deserve better than to be a side chick. I'm a royal, I'm a queen. I shouldn't lower my standards, settle, or even put up with a controlling bitch gf that doesn't want me to be there as a romantic opponent. Cause she's knows I'm not cold like her, I'm warm-hearted and sensitive. And I care about Jay enough to listen to their suicidal thoughts and not judge them for how they feel or how they think their body is not up to par or not them because of their dismorphia. I would never judge them for how they feel, because I know what its like to be judged for my emotions. My own family did that to me repeatedly, cause they couldn't handle it. They're rock solid, I'm not. I don't think Ayunna can handle Jay's emotionally capacity as much, that's why she would talk to me because I didn't judge or tell her what to do to just fix it like they should no better. Feelings are feelings and sometimes they change everyday. Sometimes they don't, and I know your depression was all year round. You like keeping it to yourself sometimes, cause you don't like being vulnerable. And that's ok. It just stinks to me, when your gf knows this about you and is so damn impatient, and insensitive to your emotional needs. She just thinks that sex will solve everything, like its your blue pill. But sometimes you like to be heard. You need to be heard. Cause you're feeding a monster and you don't even know it. Your chest feels dark. I wish you would have let me inside of you, your heart is broken, and being with Ayunna isn't gonna fix it. Its actually breaking you more. Cause you stopped caring. And adding side people is only gonna make it worse, cause now she's gonna be fulfilled by someone else and you'll have to watch it. Especially when she gets attached. Cause trust me, she will. She did it to me. I know she will. Be careful Jay. I know your relationship doesn't seem so bad on the outside, but what's on the inside? 2 empty people, looking for love, attention, support, and care from outside....because they don't have it in their own relationship. You two together are really just like school partners who thought you couldn't find anyone else to work with in groups, but it feels safer to keep each other so you don't have to be alone. But I know you keep me a secret from her. You'd rather not tell her that you're thinking about me, someone else who helped you when she couldn't or didn't want to be there for you because she would rather sleep. She made sacrifices to sustain financial stability together, but she's working at home...and you're coming home broken down tired, ready to faint because you're working all damn day with a tight ass binder on that suffocated you, and you told me yourself how hard it gets to breathe in that thing, but I understand you're trans, nonbinary that's you're acceptance for claiming your identity, your gender. It just sucks to know that I can't do anything to help you at all, and your controlling, snotty asthmatic nose gf is literally just awful sick even as a mother figure. Do you still love her? After 7years? Its been a year of engagement...

Why haven't yall got married yet? You said you would just go to the courthouse, but maybe you still wanna have a ceremony and are saving up. I get it. I just wish you two didn't rely on other people to fulfill your needs, when clearly yall could be just working on adapting to each other's love languages and communicate better and stop being afraid to ask your partner for what you need. Because that's love. If you're supposedly getting married to her, imagine how it would be when you have kids? Yall basically would be coparenting and then dating your side gfs. That sounds like a lot. Good luck to you both. I'm glad I'm not caught up into that foolishness, that's the shit that hurts my stomach. Cause Ayunna know me and you have chemistry. And her limiting me on what I could do and what I could say. Even as to go so far to tell you what to text me. Is wayyyy overstepping the boundaries. And I should have never sacrificed myself for her to control me, for you to control me too, just for me to be with you. I'm never doing that again. I don't have to feel locked up, messed up and confused like a slave, just because I loved my master anymore. I know you won't forget me, I know you'll forgive me too. Because we always do. Thats what you do when you love someone. No matter how much I hated, your feelings for me were still there. You even tried to contact me when I was still upset and I wasn't ready to talk cause I was still feeling broken. I still love you. But I won't do that again, submitting myself lower and lower for her, because I love you. I pretended to be happy for you when I was really wanting you to leave her. Because if you truly loved her, why would you need me, why would you keep coming back to be with me while you were with her. I know why, because you don't want her to know the truth. You would rather keep me locked up and not speak out. Because if I speak up, your words, your credibility would be ruined. But here's the thing, I'm not scared of you anymore or her. She's just a child who basically pretends she doesn't feel anything, because that's what she learned how to do to cope her dads emotional abuse. And the lack of attention from her mother, always being 2nd best, makes you grotesque for other women. She competes against other women who remind her of her sensitive sister. Like me. She told me herself. Thats probably why she didn't like me. And now that she knows I love you, she definitely doesn't want to see you anywhere near me. Because if you come back for me now, she's done. Because why would you go back for someone you said you didn't love, it was only for lust? Right, remember you said that to both of us about me? You liar 🤣🤭

You know you love me. Come back home. I'm not afraid of your gf anymore, excuse me fiancé 🤪

[backtrackingforward]

2020 and beyond

I ended 2019 with a lot of goals for the new year. I found some kind of strength and made shit happen in 2020. After years of giving up and fighting myself... I finally put in the work, got the help I needed and saw results.

So what did I do?

1. Purchased a elliptical and used it.

2. Got out of my comfort zone and went for 3 mile walks by myself.

3. Tracked and focused on my eating. Reduced my calorie intake without depriving myself. Didn’t give up, didn’t faulted. Got educated on what will fuel my body.

4. I got approved for my gastric bypass. Even with Covid, I was able to meet all my goals and have surgery June 30th, 2020.

5. I lost 50lbs before surgery.

6. I had no major issues from surgery, have followed everything to a T!

7. By Nov I had lost 100lbs!

8. By the end of the year I was down 110lbs

Somethings I’ve learned:

- a lot of people will show you support but no one really thinks you will succeed and their reaction to seeing your progress always gives you a clear picture that they never really believed in you.

- your friends never really took pictures with/of you before... and they definitely won’t now because you look better than them. Being the fat friend made them feel better about themselves and now being around you makes them feel bad about themselves.

- you will struggle with your identity. You’ve spent years fighting everyone’s opinions, acting like you didn’t care, focused more on your personality and humor... your identity was being big and now your not. You don’t want to dishonor who you were but your definitely different.

- people pretend to not have an opinion of your weight but lose any and everyone wants to tell you. The concern is absolutely disgusting.

- people think it’s ok to talk down about other peoples bodies around you now. And when you show that it’s not, they want to retract the statement and play it off “that’s not what I meant”... oh it absolutely is.

- skinny people want to bitch to you about being/feeling “fat” because they weighed 5-15lbs more than their lowest weight.

- you will still hate your body. Losing weight after being 100lbs over weight for a long period of time will now create other body issues. Body dismorphia is real.

- protien and water over everything else.

- Weightloss surgery is not a fix all. It’s a tool. People will judge you for using a tool. As if using a tool is cheating. Like you didn’t have to work for it.

- it’s not easy physically... mentally... emotionally...

- all the bullshit is worth it if you feel good about yourself. Fuck anyone opinions good or bad. Check every motherfucker that had an opinion and make they feel like shit for being human garbage.

Speaking my truths makes me feel better but honestly it doesn’t change how people think. So where do I go from here?

2021 Goals:

1. Continued investment in my health:

- I’ve already started working with a personal trainer once a week. I want to gain that muscle memory and get comfortable with excersizing.

- save money for future skin removal surgeries. Being 300lbs stretched shit out and I’ll def need to get some removed.

- working in purchasing a home so I can save and invest in a home gym.

2. Meet my overall weightloss goal by Surgery anniversary (1.5 years after my start):

- 140lbs

3. Continued work on my mental health:

- find a therapist to work through my issues (eating issues, anger issues, etc).

4. Education:

- continue my education (certificate programs) to help me progress in my career.

5. Have fun:

- Travel (Covid Allowing) to new places

- go dancing, to concerts, to events

- find a hobby I enjoy not related to my weightloss

- make new friends outside of my general group and not connected to my significant others people.

- get out of the house more.

- allow my creativity to flourish and enjoy the process.

I have big goals for 2021... and I will meet all of them. 2020 allowed me to see my potential and gave me the space to see that I have time for myself.

If your reading this and don’t think you can meet your goals after so many years... I can tell you... you can! Fucking do it! Fuck everyone around you! Make it happens for yourself! No matter what it is... I’m going to be 35 and I’m making it happen... so can you.

Time is infinite... use every bit of it!

[hollylove26-blog]

It’s funny how the two girls I thought were my best friends growing up were really the ones giving me my insecurities. That’s why Jr & I worked so well together. We genuinely wanted the best for one another & brought the best out of each other. With the other girls, I had their best interests in mind but they never had mine. I would even give her tests asking for her opinion on what I should wear. I’d pick the most unflattering outfit I could find & one that was cute & best complimented my physique. She picked the ugly outfit every single time lol. It became a game jr & I’d play. Another thing she did that made me feel self conscious was the slut shaming. The funny thing is that I was a virgin at the time and I still felt shame. She couldn’t believe that I’d get the guy I was interested in while she had to chase hers down. Hopelessly following them around like a sick puppy. She couldn’t understand why I’d get my guy & she’d always be left heartbroken and desperate. Given the fact that she was obviously more attractive than I was, it drove her mad. I guess she fits perfectly with the other ex best friend from high school. She’d make me feel like a grotesque monster too. The only difference is that she was so oblivious to everything around her that she had no idea she was being rude & offensive. She’d say things like, “at least you know that he’s not shallow & doesn’t care about looks.” Talking about my hot boyfriend at the time. Neither one of them could understand why I’d get the best guy when I looked the worst. According to their plastic clown inspired beauty ideology. These two girls are two peas in a pod. They both think fake is beautiful & can never understand why my personality outshines what I look like. Kinda backwards values for chicks. It’s funny how they don’t even realize thely’re inse see ulting me half of the time. Since Xfriend1 was one of the main reasons for slut shaming myself before I even lost my virginity, maybe this new phase in my life will be a lot better. Nobody will be whispering insecure thought bubbles inside of my head. Even xfriend3 would say things that made me feel awful & I wasn’t aloud to say anything because it was her ocd or eating disorder and body dismorphia. She’s about 1/5 of my weight & constantly calling herself fat. I’m the one that has been binging & purging since I was 7 years old & her dismorphia is triggering mine but I can’t say anything because she has body image issues. Omg there were days where I wanted to shove her issues down her throat. Or force her to eat 30lbs of food & puke it up then maybe she’d understand my disorder instead of talking about her million different ones that I have to be accommodating to when she’s inconsiderate to all of mine. She was a lot like Gary in that way. Gary was the main reason I told Nicole she couldn’t stay. Her romantic story about being madly in love with Diane’s on/off boyfriend from 14-32 she’s bragging about how she’s always loved him since she met him. Not to mention she stays away from a guy like the plague but the second Diane shows any interest in him she’ll sneak away to his hot tub. Why would I let her live with me when she brags about finding love while my sister’s dating him for years. I know I don’t have room for her but I’d never have let her wonder around with nowhere to live. I would’ve just kicked Gary out to eliminate the possibility of her falling in love with that one too. The way she responded to my vague turn down. I hadn’t even talked to my mother yet. If she would’ve been a bit more understanding maybe I’d consider moving her in. But the insane remarks she made about us being evil demons for turning her away. What kinda monsters would turn her & her kids away? I would’ve never let them stay on the street. I would’ve just kicked Gary out if things got weird. She never gave me the chance to show her cuz she pissed me off so badly with that guilt trip. Seriously? The audacity she had to Guilt trip me. I’ve supported her more than anyone else in her life and that’s the appreciation I get.

I’m glad I found out her response sooner than later. It would suck to help her out again and have her end up hating me just as much or even worse than she does now. I know she put some kinda hex thing on me. I’m pretty sure because both of my ex-best friend wannabes both deleted me Mmmmm mummmat the same time. Who needs them. D-Bear & Mirror Cat both have degrees. Meaning I can hire them to work on my experiments and we can all live at the escape to paradise. I’m not definitely decided on a name yet but that sounds like a good one. It’d be so cool if they worked at my shelter. Luckily D-Bear studied psychology so she’s a good candidate. We’d be living in paradise while participating in scientific research that could help us move forward as a species. This could be a good reality show too. Beautiful people conducting ground breaking research. I’ll have a lot of work to do to get beautiful again. But Dbear & MirrorCat fit the description. They’re the epitome of beautiful. It’d be nice if I could hire a bunch of friends. Mirror probably won’t be able to live there... unless her husband & daughter wanted to. Maybe her dad could teach an art class. Or her husband can give tattoo lessons. Mirror can do what her degree is based on. Skye can teach computer basics. GEDs will be attained, teach them to read & write, 2nd languages, this will be the most sought after, exclusive rehabs in all of the land.