#devastation and pain are all i know how to write apparently

[twilightzoneletters]

[4:07 pm]

"just like that? This is it?"

"goodbye, san."

the only thing san heard after your final words to him was the dial tone of the phone call ending.

his heart ached but all he could do was sit there. he still loved you and cared for you. he couldn't even imagine a future without you in it, and he had never even once considered it a possibility.

he wanted to run to you, to hold your hand and tell you how much you meant to him. he wanted to do anything or say anything to make you stay.

but he couldn't bring himself to do any of those things. because above anything else, the thing he wanted most of all was for you to be happy.

if this is really what you wanted, if this is really what would make you happy, he would do it. san would endure anything for you.

but that night as he lay in bed, regret claws at his throat, and tears burn his eyes. he can't keep your words from echoing in his head.

"i can't do this anymore san. let's just breakup."

[bedheaded-league]

I just binged all of Fawx & Stallion in like 2 days and it has an absolute chokehold on my brain so now I need to talk about all of the things I fucking loved about it because I'm super super duper normal about this show. Major spoilers ahead.

Like everyone else, I've replayed the "very sincerely yours" scene like 5 times already and it just doesn't get any less devastating/beautiful/cathartic. This is THE best post-Reichenbach reunion scene I have EVER seen in a Holmes adaptation, HANDS DOWN. Obviously the Reichenbach story is one of the most popular bits of the Holmes canon to retell, because it's just so crazy and ripe for raw emotion. But frequently I feel like the reunion scenes are either infuriating and completely emotionally unsatisfying (I'm looking at you, BBC) or beautiful and tender but still leaving us with the feeling that we're not getting the whole story (like with canon and Granada). This was beautiful, tender, harsh, painful, devastating, honest, and SO FUCKING SATISFYING. Jesus christ, I feel like this is the emotional catharsis Holmes fans have been waiting for since 1893.

I don't think I've ever heard an actor put SO MUCH into a single word as that fucking "Yours." Is it possible to tell someone that they're the love of your life and nothing in the world matters more to you than being with them in just one single syllable? Apparently! Because Rob Kauzlaric fucking did it! What the fuck!

I've never really had an answer for who my favorite Watson was before (I love Burke and Hardwicke, but I just have this very specific idea of Watson in my head that no actor has ever matched) but now I know who it is and it's Tom fucking Crowley. Fucking flawless performance. This Watson struck the perfect balance between being the kindest person you'll ever meet and also being sort of a bitch! He's long-suffering, he's funny, he's a chaotic bisexual who's a bit of a slut but has also been pining after the same man for ten years, he's The Guy Of All Time. His characterization was perfect and Tom Crowley gave him a perfect voice.

And GOD this interpretation of Holmes is so good. He's silly and endlessly annoying. He's a burnt out former gifted kid who's tied his entire self-worth to this cool thing he can do and how much he can impress everybody and so if he ever stops for one second he'll lose everyone he cares about. What a perfect character arc for him. He's desperately in love with someone who he thinks will never love him back because he can't imagine a reason for anyone to love him that isn't about the service he can provide to others. Out of all the characters, he has some of the most heartwrenching line deliveries. "It's too late." "Because he wrote about it." "No, no, I'll GET IT." "Very sincerely yours." FUCK

Listening to Filched Fork over again is so heartbreaking. Watson not mentioning the fork because he thinks it's just much less interesting compared to all of the dazzling things that Holmes does and also because he wants to keep the sweetest parts of Holmes to himself because those are private, but Holmes thinking that it means that the moment wasn't important *to him.* Watson literally begging Holmes how to do it (the writing, their relationship) correctly, desperately trying to reach out to the man he loves so that they can understand each other, and Holmes immediately closing himself off instead. Meanwhile we can see the hints of his impending burnout already happening here, which of course ties into his panic about Watson moving on without him if he can't be amazing all the time.

The way I absolutely screamed when I heard the thunk of the fork dropping on the table out of Fitzy's pocket. I mean I already figured out that it was Holmes (I feel like there were enough hints that we were meant to figure it out) but the reveal was SO GOOD.

Not only adapting the "This article is shit" "Oh really? I wrote it." scene but having HOLMES' LOVE CONFESSION DIRECTLY REFERENCE BACK TO IT??? THE MOMENT THEY FIRST BECAME FRIENDS???? TEN YEARS LATER??? AFTER SPENDING TEN YEARS KEEPING UP THE SAME INSIDE JOKE THAT ORIGINATED FROM THAT ONE CONVERSATION??? BECAUSE THAT DUMB JOKE WAS THE FIRST TIME HOLMES MADE WATSON LAUGH??? AND WATSON HADN'T LAUGHED IN MONTHS BECAUSE HE WAS TOO DEPRESSED FROM THE WAR??? I'M EATING THE WALLS

Holmes' nervous ADHD rambling my beloved

Holmes: "Hi, I'm Sherlock Holmes." James: "Nope."

James' monologue during the improv scene was so tender and heartbreaking and beautiful. It works so perfectly for James and Archie but also so perfectly for Holmes and Watson? God the fucking CHARACTER FOILS, FUCK.

Just in general the concept of the 224 gang being a foil to the 221 boys both in that Fawx/Stallion are bad at crime solving and Holmes/Watson are good at it AND that Holmes and Watson are in a fucked up situationship for a decade because they can't communicate but meanwhile James and Archie are in a healthy relationship because they actually talk about their feelings.

"Do you know how frustrating it is to love someone who doesn’t love themselves the way you love them? It’s like being told you're an idiot for breathing air." FUCK

James and Archie confronting the same problem that Holmes and Watson did, and in the end they didn't actually figure out the solution, but they love each other and they're in it together and that's all that matters.

Watson reading the book quotes while Holmes realizes that Watson's in love with him I'M SO NORMAL ABOUT THIS

"Well, the person saying that might have been biased." "Oh, is that what we're calling it now?" Archie passive aggressive queen

"Because he wrote about it" AAUUGGGHHH

Archie's impassioned speech about the difference between cooking and baking is so valid

"I really want to get rescued right now!" "YES CHEEEEFFF!!!" can you hear that sound in the background that's me losing my fucking mind

Holmes: Your relationship is doomed and love isn't real. James: Actually I think you're just stupid.

Archie saw Holmes stand there frozen solid making the shocked pikachu face as he realizes that the man he's been in love with for 10 years has loved him back the whole time and then Archie immediately came up with an elaborate lie to manipulate this dramatic gay dumbass into actually going and talking to the man in question. What an icon.

Please tell me we're gonna get more Iphy in the next season because I'm in love with her and she's my wife now

[cxlamarisalxmi]

Being Miguel’s daughter and hosting Venom

[Platonic One-Shot]

c/w: major spoilers, angst, gender neutral terms and pronouns (they/them), suicidal thoughts, attempted suicide, no gendered terms used to describe reader, canon ignorance and inaccuracies, if you read the drabble you’ll know you originally just hosted Venom but this time I’m writing you as Spider-Venom

—

[Unedited]

The sun kissed the Western horizon as it slowly sunk beneath the surface. The gorgeous colors of the settling dusk bathing your New York in the luminous sheen of the golden glow that settles upon the city like a blanket.

You were just finishing up for the day, swinging from a tall skyscraper to tether a web to the very top of a clock tower. Pulling yourself up all the way to the top to perch on one of the very many gargoyle statues jutting out of the tower’s roof lip.

“Hungry.”

“That’s what the sandwiches are for bud.”

Venom settled inside when you tore the wrapping off the sandwich and took a big bite out of the end. Plenty of meat packed into the sandwich but also enough vegetables to sustain you too. Nutrients were vital in your symbiotic relationship with the alien and regardless of where they came from you both needed hundreds of them to keep yourselves alive and healthy.

“I hate the vegetables.”

“Well I like them. They taste better than people do.”

“You’ve never had another person before! You don’t let me eat people!”

“I’m not a cannibal.”

“Hmph.”

You rolled your eyes at the symbiote’s childish behavior, you’ve grown used to it but that didn’t mean you’d grown to like their attitude.

But you had grown to like them, ever since they had attached themself to you on your fourteenth birthday. The same day you very nearly took your own life.

Your life was far from perfect, as a matter of fact you can’t remember a time in your twenty long years of being alive that you’d actually been happy. Really, well and truly happy.

Your mother died when you were five and your father had abandoned you not too long after. About a year and half to be precise, and in his care and his care alone you’d learned that he was the furthest thing from what a proper father should be.

The first five years in which he parented you alongside your beloved mother he seemed guarded. Closed off, angry at the world and everyone surrounding him. And his own personal turmoil seemed to transcend into raising you— as he didn’t put an ounce of love or affection into bringing you up.

At the time, you hadn’t understood. What did you do wrong? Did you make him angry? Why wouldn’t he love you unconditionally? Your mother did.. was it so hard for him to treat you as his own? As if he loved you?

Apparently it was too hard for him, because he didn’t want to do it alone. And when your mother had died of cancer he had attempted to raise you in her honor but failed miserably and gave up within two years.

You were seven when you experienced your first heartbreak, in the years prior under his ‘care’ you had plenty share of devastation and let-downs from him. But none compared to this, no other feeling you had ever experienced before compared to this.

A searing ache in your chest born of self doubt, lack of self worth and value. Because you had believed it was entirely your fault that he was incapable of loving you fully and to the extent of his heart. And it festered in your years spent under different families, the issues regarding how you viewed yourself only darkening as you were let down over and over again.

Given up on— over and over again. And the ache continued to linger, growing in secret places— dark and hateful in your tired heart.

And slowly but surely it had given up on you too, shatter to pieces and cast to the wind to leave you broken and hurt. Vulnerable and fragile to the cold and bitter winds of this cruel and brutal life.

Eventually your mind followed suit, wishing for anything to escape this pain. Anything to leave it behind.

Your luck had a turn for the worst when you were bitten by a spider at twelve and gifted cursed with abilities and skills inhuman and otherworldly.

Enhanced senses, heightened sensitivities and awareness and phenomenal intelligence and strength.

Superhuman.

And for two years you lived with it, not utilizing the powers for any kind of purpose. The heightened healing property of your curse made it hard to give up on this life as you had so desperately wished to.

You tried and tried again— and each time you failed.

When you were fourteen is when you met Venom, you had tested buildings before but never the Golden Gate Brigde. And as you clambered over the rail to stand at the very edge of the bridge’s structure— it happened.

You remember the feel of their texture sliding across your skin, then the pressure you felt as they sunk beneath your skin to meld with your body—

“It wasn’t that bad. You’re overexaggerating.”

“I thought we agreed you’d stay out of my head.”

“I never agreed to that.”

“Venom,” you scolded lightly. Not reprimanding in a way that spat disappointment over ownership. But in a way that spoke volumes of the relationship you shared with the alien. Equals.

“I hate it when you think about that bastard.”

“I know, I’m sorry.. my thoughts get away from me.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for. He made his choice, you are what he made you. And you’re more than worth it. You deserve love just as everybody else.”

They went silent after that and you didn’t bother trying to get them to keep up the conversation. Just smiled softly at their nature— overprotective and fond.

Venom had saved your life when you were at your lowest, the abilities you gained from your spider bite coupled well with their own. And upon latching themself to you they had promised they would make you see the value in life. And you had.. in them.

They were what kept you alive, and you couldn’t be more grateful for them coming to your aid when you needed it the most.

“You’re sweet, you like to act like you’re big and bad but on the inside you’re just a big softie.”

“I regret everything I said.”

“Oh come on, I was thanking you for what you said.”

“Funny how you didn’t actually say the words ‘thank you’ at all.”

You just laughed as they grumbled in your head, but you were swift to straighten and turn serious when your senses tingled. Like a cold rippled shucking down your back to warn you of incoming danger or threats.

Venom growled lowly alongside the tingle and you jumped up, spinning around to face the danger that caused your senses to ripple. And a glowing orange portal suddenly erupted to life just a few feet in front of you. Sliding your mask back on you separated your feet and steadied yourself, prepared and strong in stance.

Your senses tingled again— sharper this time and you stood there on tense silence and a brief moment of absolute stillness. A moment later something was shooting from the portal, something turned out to be someone and you recognized the green suit and grinning goblin mask as Green Goblin tackled you off the building.

You freed yourself from his grasp and shot a web to the corner of the building to your left before pulling yourself free from his grip and onto the side of the skyscraper.

Your jaw ticked as a flicker of annoyance sparked to life in your chest. The very last thing you wanted to deal with after a long day was an anomaly. You were honestly tempted to just call up Peter B. Parker and have him come here and take care of this himself.

Or maybe he could convince the leader he follows to come do it, not that you know his name or anything f about him but from what Peter says apparently he’s pretty damn good at his job.

“Seriously another one? Our dimension can’t be that exciting can it?”

“Right there with ya buddy, why did he have to come here after we already finished up our day too?”

“Honestly, like— a little fucking class wouldn’t hurt.”

You chuckled at their remark before your senses tingling had you swinging away from the spot you occupied previously just as a gas bomb erupted against the brick.

An irritated sigh left your lips behind the fabric of your mask as you perched yourself on a lamp post, the Goblin’s eerie hysterical laughter echoing loud and prominent in the desolate streets surrounding you. Everyone having long since turned in for the night leaving the area free of any civilians which made your job —and in turn Venom’s— easier at least.

The fight that had begun two minutes after Goblin had tried to surprise you with his fucking chemical bombs wasn’t all you had thought it would be. This Goblin was a whole lot weaker than your Goblin, not only that but the guy kept glitching every few minutes.

And you and Venom capitalized on the very golden opportunities that event opened up to you every time it occurred.

And finally taking him down without any damage to the buildings or street was just the icing on the cake, the fact that the whole fight didn’t endanger any innocent people was a plus too.

Things only went to shit when you went back to that portal with Goblin slung over your shoulder and found two different spider variants walking out of it.

“Well what the fuck took them so damn long? Sure, sure no worries we’ll protect our own universe and keep others out too. No fucking problem on our end.”

Again, you found yourself chuckling humorously at Venom’s attitude. Their clear lack of patience and respect for those in charge of keeping the multiverse under control amusing you. Sure, you both liked Peter enough to admire what it was he and the guy he followed did.. along with the other spider variants he works with. But still.. if you’re going to make this your entire career and you’re going to dedicate yourself to the security of the multiverse— at least be good at it.

“Think this asshole got lost, poor wee lamb.” You quipped as you landed on the rooftop the other were standing on. You carelessly threw Goblin off your shoulder and he grunted as he hit the concrete on his back. The sound of pain coming from him almost humanizing him a bit, and you curled your lip derisively as he broke out into a mad grin seconds later.

Whilst you were distracted staring at Norman, Miguel withheld his sudden and intense urge to upheave all the contents in his stomach. His heard felt like lead as it plummeted to his toes, knots in his stomach winding themselves up tightly at the sound of your voice.

“[Y/Name]?”

You looked up when the man of the two variants spoke, and there was a flicker of recognition in your stomach at the voice. Recognition that swiftly turned to course and fiery hot rage that flowed through your blood like magma.

“How dare he?!”

The man pulled his mask off his face and there he was, your father, Miguel O’hara.

“How dare he return here?!”

You took an instinctive step back from him when he revealed his face. And you flinched internally when you saw it, he looked miserable.. eyes bloodshot and brows downturned to put a deep and painful scowl on his face.

He looked broken.. hurt.

And the twisted and vengeful feelings inside you felt good at the prospect of him hurting. You liked that look on his face.. because he more than deserved whatever put it there.

Miguel watched as you stepped back, you didn’t remove your mask as he did. Just stood there frozen as you stared at him. Then the eyes of your mask narrowed and he could abruptly feel the heat of your glare searing into his skin. Angry and painful.

“Parker— that fucking bastard, we’ll kill him.”

“We?” The woman spoke and you looked from your father to her. She had darker skin and a styled afro, her mask was more or less goggles on her face and Venom snickered inside your head at the mental insult you made.

You decided to ignore her question, the passive aggressive tone she took not inclining you to be cooperative with her at all.

“As far as we know Osborne was the only one who got into this universe,” you informed choosing to look back to Miguel to address him instead of the woman. “So gather him and go home.”

“[Y/Name] wait!—”

“Don’t. You’re just here for him right?” You queried gesturing to Norman when you referred to him. Then you were facing Miguel again. “Take him and get out. We’re finished here.” You weren’t granted the chance to see his reaction— immediately doing what you thought was best for you and getting out of the uncomfortable spot his return had put you in.

And you swung away as you ignored the calls of your name he roared into the night. You didn’t want anything to do with him, and there was nothing you owed to that bastard. Not a damn thing.

And as you swung away from that rooftop you felt angry at the fact that you could feel your guarded heart hurt in deep and stinging agony once again— because of him.

And you felt a twitch of disgust in yourself twist itself into a knot within your chest, born at the expense you felt you were dishonoring Venom by being hurt you saw your father again.

After all, it was them that had healed you six years ago when they had first bonded with you. And it was them and them alone that had healed that ache in your heart.

“Kid.”

“Please Venom, not now.”

They went silent after that, and you stayed quiet too as you swung through the city. You just wanted to be at home, safe and comfortable in the warmth of your own space. Just so you could calm the roaring of your blood and thunderous heart in the security and peace that your home brought you.

You knew that now that he knows you’re still alive he’ll come back, and you’re not sure how the next time will go.. this time you just wanted out. The way your heart had picked up and the way your blood quickened had made you just want to be isolated and safe.

You’re not so sure which feeling will take more presence next time— but you could promise this; the rage you had briefly felt, that died behind the feeling of ache and hurt but still lingered, was strong. If it took province over every other feeling next time you could promise it wouldn’t end well.

Not for Miguel.

Not for you.

And not for the multiverse.. the same multiverse he had been so keen on protecting—

The multiverse he had chosen over you.

—

a/n: I did this during a tattoo on my ribs— and the wipe down continues to be my least favorite part of adding tattoos to my body, cause how can I sit through a tattoo just fine then get weak on the wipe down? 🥲🤌🏽

[kitweewoos]

golden repair

Cw: miscarriage

[read it on ao3]

"Is there anyone we can call for you, sweetheart? Someone you want to be here with you?" the nurse asked as she helped Buck settle into the bed. There wasn't much they could do for him at this point, but they had him on some painkillers, and he had changed into a huge, impossibly thick diaper.

"Uhm. Yeah. Tommy, in my phone, he's the father. Please."

He unlocked the phone and handed it over to her with Tommy's contact open. He hadn't had the heart to block him or change it, still reading TOMMY 🔥❤ as if Tommy hadn't destroyed his heart.

"Okay, you rest, and we'll call him," she said, writing the number down on her notepad. "Does he know about the pregnancy?"

"No, he doesn't," Buck replied.

"That's okay. You rest, then. I'll be back."

The nice nurse disappeared, and left him alone. The wait was excruciating, worse than the cramping or the feeling of failure that was swallowing him, but he wasn't even sure that Tommy was going to show up so he didn't know if he was waiting on something that wouldn't happen.

Then, he heard the sound of the nurse's voice directing someone into a room - his room - and a familiar frame turned the corner. Tommy was dressed in his flight suit, and Buck winced, realizing that he'd called him straight from work.

"Evan," he said. "I - what's going on? They wouldn't give me any information over the phone, just said that you'd asked for me."

"I didn't mean to call you at work," Buck replied. "Your captain's probably pissed, huh?"

"Don't worry about that, any of that. That's - I can handle him. Are you okay?"

"Uhm. Well. Yea - well, no, I'm - I'm not. I'm having a miscarriage actually."

"A miscar- you're pregnant."

"Not anymore," Buck replied, and then winced at himself. "Sorry, that's - I was pregnant. I found out about two weeks ago, and I was trying to figure out how to tell you about the, the baby, but before I could, I started cramping really bad, and bleeding. My doctor wanted me to just wait it out, but apparently I didn't pass all the tissue naturally, and I'm past nine weeks along, they think, so they're considering doing a surgery to get rid of the rest of the tissue. But they're monitoring me in the meantime to see if we can avoid the D-and-C."

"Evan," Tommy said softly, coming to sit in the chair right beside him but he didn't offer his hand immediately to Buck, which ached in his chest even if it made sense. "I'm sorry."

"I know I probably shouldn't have had them call you, you made it clear that you didn't want me, but I just wanted to see you, I wanted you, I wanted you to hold my hand through this."

"You can always call me, Evan, especially if you need someone to hold your hand in the hospital."

"I just didn't want to make you uncomfortable, or make it seem like I can't respect your decision."

"Evan, I still care about you, and I will come when you call. I don't want you to hesitate before you call me, okay? I'll be there when you need."

There were just enough pain killers in his system now that he felt his tongue loosen before he spoke.

"Then, what was the point of breaking up with me, Tommy? Why'd you put me through this if you still care about me and will be here when I need you? Why can't we be together?"

"We - we shouldn't be talking about this right now."

"It's either that or I think about how I'm actively losing the baby we created together, so I'd rather we talk about this, actually."

Tommy flinched, and looked at Buck's hand where the IV was settled, and then back up at his face. There was an honesty there that Buck hadn't ever seen before, and he wanted to live in that openness.

"You terrify me, Evan. You move so fast, and are steps beyond me before I realize that you've moved, and - the last time I was in a relationship like that, the guy ended up realizing that I wasn't what he wanted at all, that he'd found something better with the next guy, and I'd already settled into the idea of us together. It was devastating, and I was left as this empty shell of a person afterwards, just floating from guy to guy in this empty cycle of sex and dates that went nowhere. And I didn't feel nearly anywhere as much for him as I did for you, and not nearly as quickly. It terrified me to realize how much I could lose if you, if you decided that I wasn't what you wanted, either, and obviously, you would move on from me. I'm a fuck up, I'm mean and rash, I've got scars that I've never shared, and I'll push you away when you try to see them. I can get quiet and withdrawn, I'm not this great perfect guy, I'm certainly no one to look up to or admire. I'm just... I'm not someone you would want."

"But I do want you, Tommy. I've been in that position before, too, where someone just decides that you're not enough for them, that you're not it, and I would never do that to you. I'm so in this relationship that I could build a home in it if you'd let me, and I know inviting you to move in with me was stupid because you own a house, and it was too soon because we'd only been together for six months, and I hadn't even told you that I loved you yet, but I do love you, and I want everything that comes with being with you. I want messy fights over stupid shit, and I want making love to you in the morning before you leave for work, and I want to make something worth having, I want to build that with you."

"Evan," he sighed. "You don't know that that won't change."

"And you don't know that it will! You seem to think that I'm some twenty year old still experimenting, and I'm not. I'm almost thirty-three, and I want to settle into something good for me, I did my experimenting already, I fucked everything that moved and I know what I like, and yes, I didn't fuck men, but I don't need to sleep with a bunch of different guys to know that I want the man who came to the hospital to be with me after we broke up so I wasn't alone. I want the man who is here, Tommy, right here, all the broken, angry bits of him, all the sharp edges and rough surfaces, all the places I could cut myself on. I don't just want the man who kissed me in my kitchen and made me realize how many things I was missing, but I want the man who had to keep his mouth shut in the army and under Gerrard to survive, who's scared and lashes out first. I want the man who gave me a second chance after I fucked up our first date, and I want the man who broke up with me out of nowhere and wouldn't let me get a word in. I want all of you, okay? I want you, because when I found out I was pregnant, when that fucking test read positive, I knew that I wanted to share it with you, because you love me, and you would love our child."

Tommy's eyes misted so beautifully, and Buck made the choice for them. He reached out and took Tommy's hand, drawing it back onto the hospital bed by his hip.

"I do," he murmured softly, and Buck squeezed his hand. "I love you. I - I didn't realize how much of me you actually saw, and I thought that you'd just - I don't know - settled for the first guy. But I love you, Evan, and I would've loved our child so much. I'm sorry you're going through this."

"It wasn't the right time," Buck said softly even though he ached thinking about this little bean that they lost. "The next time you put a baby in me, though, Thomas, you had better be there the entire time. Understood?"

Tommy nodded fervently, and leaned in to kiss Buck's hand, pressing his lips to his knuckles sweetly.

"I know this doesn't make up for everything, but I will be so much better for you. You shouldn't have had to go through any of this alone. I'll be so much better for you," Tommy said, and he leaned forward to rest his mouth against Buck's knuckles like a prayer. Buck lifted his free hand and brushed it through Tommy's hair, and sighed.

"You're here now, that's all that matters. As long as you keep showing up, I think we'll get through anything life throws at us."

He didn't kiss Tommy, it wasn't time for that yet, that would come later after an open and honest discussion when one of them wasn't high on painkillers, but he kept his hand moving through Tommy's hair as Tommy knelt his head in prayer over Buck's hand and beyond it his belly. Whatever came next, they could face it, their cracks mended with gold and made stronger for it.

[clonetrooperjournals]

Yay! Thank you! Can I please request some angst and softness with bad batch era Echo where the reader and he are together but then the reader gets amnesia and forgets things? Is that too specific? Tysm!! And of course you can say no if you don’t like that idea! I just love how your wrote echo in the wedding piece 💗💗

Summary : On a mission with Rex you get yourself blown up and lose your memories of the last year you spent fighting for clones rights, and more importantly your boyfriend. Pairings : TBB Echo x Fem! reader (senators aide) Warnings : angst, mentions of being blown up, amnesia, fluff, happy ending Words : 3.2k Masterlist here A/N : Thank you so much for being my first request! I hope you love it like I do! I started writing and couldn't stop (I'm so sorry it was not supposed to be this long!) dividers by @saradika-graphics

Echo paces back and forth while Rex gives the briefing on the next mission. He’s listening but he can’t keep still, he hasn’t been able too since you got hurt, since you forgot everything. Rex has been sympathetic during this time, understanding that his brother is suffering.  

“Echo if you pace any more there will be ruts in the floor” 

Echo stops not realizing he’d been doing it, again, “Sorry Rex.” 

Rex walks over to him putting a hand on his shoulder, “I know you’re worried but, the senator has assured us that y/n is fine. The best thing for her recovery is to be where she remembers.” 

“And if she doesn’t remember?” Echo asks looking at his brother sadly, “If she doesn’t remember what we were?”  

“Y/n is a lot of things, including incredibly stubborn. I know she’ll come back to you... Just give her time.”  

Echo sighs, “Okay Rex...” 

... 

“How are you feeling today y/n?”  

“I’m well Senator, thank you.” 

Senator Chuchis shoulders slump like she was expecting a different answer. She had been doing that a lot ever since you woke up from your accident a few months ago. Apparently, you had been in some kind of explosion, but nobody would tell you why or where and the last thing you remember was helping plan a gala for the Senator that had apparently taken place a year ago. You don’t remember anything from the past year, so when you woke up to the senator and a group of clones in your hospital room, you thought you had done something drastic, and you were getting arrested. After assuring you that you were not getting arrested and that the clones there were friends of yours, the senator filled you in on the last year of your work. Well, most of it, you knew she had left out a lot of details, and when you would question her, she would always say the same thing. It will come back to you when you're ready.  

You knew Captain Rex, General Skywalkers right hand man, and the bad batch including Omega. It's hard to forget the clones with a reputation like theirs, but they all looked at you expectedly as they stood in your hospital room, like you were missing something big. Echo, who was a good friend of yours back from his arc trooper days, was working with Rex when he wasn’t with clone force 99. He was also the one holding your hand in the hospital room, looking devastated when they learned of your amnesia.  

The senator told you that she and you had been fighting for clone's rights, in the senate and in the shadows. Clones were seeking refuge after being rescued by Rex and his men and the saint that is your boss had been helping get all of them to safety. It was because of this that you got caught in an explosion but that's all you knew, and nobody would tell you the details.  

A comm chirp pierces the silence of the senator's office as she sets up the holo on her desk.  

Captain rex appears, “Hello Senator. Y/n.” 

You wave smiling, “Hello Rex.” 

“Hello Captain. What's your status?”  

“Mission successful. We’ll be planet side in one rotation with twenty rescued soldiers, no casualties.”  

Your head starts to throb, and a piercing pain starts to pinch behind your eyes. Not again. This had been happening off and on since your accident, but you’ve kept it to yourself. You pinch your nose bending over as the pain shoots through your head.  

“Y/n what’s wrong?” 

You see a holo on the senator's desk but not rex, its... you can’t tell. But you're laughing and smiling at the person on the other end.  

“I’ll see you soon my love. I miss you so much you have no idea...”  

“I miss you more. Next time I'm coming with you and I’m not taking no for an answer!”  

... 

“Y/n? Can you hear me?”  

You open your eyes and realize that you were sitting on the floor. Senator Chuchi stood over you with worried eyes while Rex and now Echo stood behind her in the holo also looking concerned. You sigh, “I’m alright. Sorry...”  

“No need to apologize my dear. Maybe we should call a med droid?”  

“No! No, I’m okay. I promise. Sorry boys, I didn’t mean to interrupt.”  

Echo sighs, “You really should see a med droid cya- I mean y/n. Just to be safe.” 

“No, I’m fine really, it’s just a headache.” 

“Well, you're taking the rest of the afternoon off to rest. No objections,” Chuchi turns back to Rex and Echo, “We’ll end it here for now. See you soon Captain, Echo.”  

Rex nods, “Senator. Y/n.”  

You see Echo frowning while looking at you, but nods to you both and the message ends. You don’t know why but seeing Echo worry makes your chest ache. Maybe you do need the med droid.  

You stand and Chuchi gives you another worried glance, “Would you like me to walk you back to your quarters?”  

“No thank you Senator... I’m sorry for worrying you.” 

She smiles putting a hand on your shoulder, “just go rest so you stop worrying me.” 

“Yes Senator.” You leave her office and head back to your room, the throbbing in your head now a dull ache.  

Once you arrive back in your room you head straight to your dresser grabbing your comfiest clothes so you can jump into bed and sleep off your headache when you hear something hit the back of your drawer. You reach under all your folded clothes till you find a small box. “What's this?” you ask yourself.  

You sit on your bed and open the small box gasping. Inside were two metal rings with the word forever engraved on them. Your heart starts to flutter as you realize what these are. Then your head starts to throb for the second time that day, the pain making you fall forward.  

“Do you think this is a bad idea?”  

“It’s a perfect idea my dear. I know he will say yes.” 

You sigh, “How can you be so sure?” 

“He looks at you like you created the galaxy. Trust me you have nothing to worry about.” 

“It’s not too soon?”  

“If the war has taught us anything it's that life is too short. You don’t want to have regrets. Ask him.” 

“Thank you for everything senator. You’ll be the first one to know!” 

She laughs, ‘I better be!”  

... 

You wake up on the floor, clutching the small box, your whole body aching from passing out on the cold floor. You stand up looking out the window to the sunlight just starting to peer through your window. You pick up your comm piece and see a message from the Senator saying to join her for breakfast. So, you put the rings in your pocket and start to get ready, taking the hottest shower you can stand, to help ease the aching muscles in your body as you think. 

You have a lover. One that the senator knows about, but she hasn’t said anything. You were in an explosion, you have amnesia, you don't remember him, and he doesn’t care? Hasn’t tried to contact you or check on you? Does he even know? Who is he? You must love him and he you, so where is he? Ugh now you’ve got another headache.   

After getting ready you head out to meet Senator chuchi in her office. The smell of caf and fruit fills your nose as you enter her office, “Morning Senator.”  

“Morning my dear. How are you feeling?”  

“Fine.” You grab a cup of caf and sit across from her going through files on your data pad. You look up at her questioningly, maybe you should just ask her who he is. 

“Is something the matter?” she asks you.  

You sigh, “No...”  

She eyes you worriedly but doesn’t comment on it, “okay... It’s going to be a busy day. Let's get started.” 

You worked straight through the day catching up on all the paperwork you didn’t get done yesterday well into the evening. The senator and yourself head out to a secret hangar on the lower levels of coruscant to meet the clones. You stand beside the senator as their ship lands on the platform. A blinding pain shoots through your head as you watch the ship platform lower and the clones come out.  

You run fast across the hangar and throw yourself into the arm of an already waiting soldier. You see his black and red armor wrap around you as he hugs you. You keep your face buried in his chest plate trying not to cry.  

“Did you miss me cyare?” 

You laugh, “just a little...” 

“Only a little huh? Guess I’ll have to be gone longer next time.” 

You pinch his side, “don’t even think about it!” 

He laughs squeezing you tighter, “wouldn’t dream of it my love.” 

... 

“Y/n? Y/n you good?”  

You open your eyes to see Echo standing in front of you, eyes wide with concern, his scomp cradling your face. He's wearing white armor that looks new, he must have taken it recently because it's still shiny. Behind him Rex and Senator are looking at you two curiously, but they don’t say anything.  

“I’m good. Sorry...” you say blushing under Echo’s gaze. 

Echo looks you over not believing you, “You’ve been saying that a lot lately.” 

You continue to look at Echo, every nerve ending firing around your body as your cheeks burn brighter. Maker has he always been so handsome? Stop. Stop. You have someone you love, a clone. Maybe Echo knows who it is? Why wouldn’t Senator chuchi tell you about your soldier? Unless he’s... gone? That would explain why he hasn’t tried to contact you. Maybe you don’t want to remember him and bring back heartache into your life...  

While you're having your internal debate you realize that Echo was still cradling your face with his scomp watching you gently. Your cheeks start burning all over again and you back away from him not seeing the hurt flash across his face before you look up at him, “I’m alright Echo. Sorry for worrying you... How was the mission?” 

Rex walks over then giving you a gentle smile, “Successful.” 

“My favourite word” you smirk at him.  

Senator Chuchi waves you three over, “come on the works not done yet.” 

The three of you head into the hangar as you go over everything you need to do for the newest clone refugees with Echo hovering just behind you the whole time, watching you closely. Your heart was racing, cheeks burning and head pounding as he kept close and after compiling a list on your data pad and already starting the next steps towards moving these soldiers to a safer location you and the Senator go to leave for the evening. Echo and Rex walk you outside to the speeder waiting for you both when something doesn’t feel right. You slow your walk and start looking around at all the buildings around you as you get closer to the speeder.  

Echo notices your pace slow down, “What’s wrong?” 

“I don’t know...”  

The four of you continue walking when you see it. On top of a building as a black silhouette of a person and the glint of a scope, “Stop!”  

Everyone freezes and looks to where your looking, Rex pushing the senator behind him. Before you can think you shove Echo away hard knocking him into Rex and the Senator just at the blaster shot hits the speeder blowing it up throwing you into the building.  

“Y/n!”  

You hear blaster shots, but you can’t open your eyes as your skull is pounding. The world around you goes black as you hear Echo yelling, “Please cyare! Not again! I can't lose you again!” 

... 

You had asked him on a date the day before the bad batch were leaving Coruscant. They had helped Senator chuchi expose general rampart and after exposing the truth of his lies the emperor swayed everyone in his favor and you lost what you had been fighting for. You were angry, and you left to go punch a wall when Echo came up to you chuckling.  

“Easy killer. The wall didn’t do anything but it’s job.” 

You sighed clutching your now aching hand, “Why aren’t you angry? They can’t do this to you all! You deserve so much better!”  

Echo grabs your bruising hand rubbing it gently in thought, “yes, we lost today but... If there are people like you and the senator to fight for us, then we still have a chance.” 

You smile at his words looking into his bright amber eyes, “You wanna geta drink with me?” 

He freezes looking at you, cheeks turning red, “a drink...?” 

“I’m asking you on a date Echo. I know you leave tomorrow so let me take you out tonight.” 

He smiles gently, “I’d like that.” 

Your first kiss was when he decided to leave Clone force 99 to help Rex. You had been messaging each other since he left after your date and the sparks were flying. You had been working with Rex and the senator starting the clone underground and helping any way you could. So, when Rex’s ship landed and Echo came out with him unexpectedly, you ran at him.  

He wasn’t expecting you to be there, but he was smiling brightly as he caught you in his arm, “well hello to you too I didn’t kn-”  

You didn’t let him finish before slamming your lips against his making him freeze. Rex walked away chuckling to himself at the awkwardness of his brother.  

You pulled away looking at Echo smiling, “Hi. I missed you.” 

His cheeks were bright red as he looked around at all the clones laughing and hollering, but you didn’t care. He looked down at your eyes that sparkled for him, and he knew he was in love.  

“I missed you too.” 

After that you and Echo became inseparable. You loved him with everything you had. You started going on missions with the boys staying on the ship and helping patch up the newly rescued clones, even flying the ship when the boys needed a pickup. Then Echo had to go back to the batch and help them. You couldn’t go with him because one of you had to stay and help Rex and that was you.  

You hugged him tightly as he was getting ready to get on the ship, his black and red armor digging into your skin. You squeezed him tightly afraid that he wouldn’t come back, and he noticed.  

“I’ll be back soon cyare. Promise.” 

“I know... just... please be safe.” 

He held you in his arms cradling you like you were made of glass, “of course.” 

You hadn’t said those words yet even though you’ve been in love with him since the first date but there in the hangar as he was about to leave you, you took the risk, “I love you.” 

His eyes started to water and a big toothy smile crossed his face, “And I love you. I’ll be back to annoy you before you can miss me.” 

You laugh, "I'll hold you too that.” 

Echo was still gone, there were complications with the mission, and he had to stay longer. You worried about him but when didn’t you? That's what being in love is. You and Rex went on another rescue mission only this time it all went to hell. You were guarding the ship as Rex and a few clones came running out of the facility they were held in, blasters being shot every way.  

You ran to start the ship when Rex yelled to you, “Y/n no!” 

But it was too late, you had gotten hit and then an explosion went off by the ship throwing you across the field. You had banged your head really good and couldn’t move your leg, Rex had run over to you. Before you could black out you grabbed Rex’s cheek, “Tell Echo I love him, and it’s not his fault.”  

You blacked out and when you woke up you were in a hospital room back on Coruscant surrounded by Senator Chuchi, Rex, Echo and the batch. Echo was holding your hand and had tears in his eyes, but you couldn’t understand why he was crying over you, you were friends, close friends sure but nothing worth crying over. Then the doctor revealed you had amnesia, and you didn’t know anything you had done the past year, and you didn’t know that Echo was the man you planned to marry.  

... 

“It’s all my fault!” 

“How many times is she gonna blow herself up before she learns she’s not indestructible.”  

“It’s not your fault Echo, she seen it before any of us did. Just be glad you shot the guy.” 

You sigh, “I’m tired of getting blown up too...” 

“Cyare your awake!” Echo says.  

You open your eyes to the bright lights of the hospital and turn to see a familiar sight. Senator Chuchi, Rex, and Echo all sat at your bedside. Echo was holding your hand tightly, his eyes were bloodshot, and he had dark circles and was back in his black and red armor.  

You smile at him dreamily, “Maker I’m a lucky lady to wake up to this face.” 

Echo freezes looking at you with hopeful eyes, “y/n?... do you...?” 

“Ew. My name is cyare to you and nothing else.” you say smiling. Echo starts sobbing as he pulls you in for a hug. You ignore the pain in your side as he squeezes, you stroke his head the tears streaming down your face too.  

“I thought you wouldn’t remember...” he cries putting his forehead to yours, “I was starting to lose hope you wouldn’t come back to me.” 

“And not have the chance to annoy you for the rest of our lives? Please it’s my reason to live.” 

Everyone in the room laughs and Senator Chuchi walks over placing a hand on your shoulder, “It’s good to have you back my dear.” 

Rex smiles, “Yes good to have you back.”  

“It’s good to be back.” You look to the senator. “Senator, do you mind bringing me my clothes?” 

She nods grabbing them and bringing them to you. You reach into your pocket and sigh in relief to feel the small box you had put there earlier. She looks at you with a glint in her eye already knowing what you were looking for.  

You glance back at Echo with a fresh set of tears threatening to fall, “I have a question for you. One I wanted to ask a while ago before I developed a habit of getting blown up.” 

He chuckles, “What is it my love?” 

You pull the small box out of your pocket and open it looking at the love of your life, “Will you marry me?” 

His eyes go wide, and he looks from the rings to you to the rings again, his cheeks flushed pink, “You... want to... marry me?” 

“More than anything.” you say, “what do you say?” 

Fresh tears fall down his face, “Yes. I will marry you.”  

You grab his face and kiss him, completely ignoring Rex and the senator. He smiles into the kiss and then you lean back grabbing the ring placing it on his finger and he does the same for you.  

“I love you.” 

“I love you too cyare. Thanks for coming back to me.” 

“Always.”  

[naamahdarling]

Two days ago and I was comfortable enough that this was the right choice that I was able to make the call to have Smooch put to sleep. I am sure now. I wish I weren't. It hurts to see him like this. The vet is out or I would move it forward. We could do the emergency vet but I literally do not think I could do it without our vet and my favorite nurse. That feels selfish but when she answered the phone yesterday the comfort was... astonishing.

I'm trying to prepare. I've been waiting for this for a long time, which is why it's bearable at all. I have entertainment, I have an art project to memorialize him ready to go for whenever I feel like it. I have plans to make a couple of keepsakes. But there's going to be a hole in my life so much bigger than his frail little body. It's the end of part of me. He has been there in my future for so long, thinking about not having him there is like vertigo, or a reverse haunting of some kind. It's a Wrongness, part of the world about to be unmade. He is genuinely part of my identity. I'm all these things that I consider core parts of me -- queer, funny, creative, curious, a little clever, loving, an artist, a survivor, my friends' friend, my blood sister's sister, my chosen sister's sibling, my father's daughter, my boyfriend's partner...and I'm Dried Pickle Man's person.

Here at home IRL and online, and everywhere I go, to almost anyone I speak to at all, I have been his human for 13 years and 27 days.

And that isn't enough apparently, because Sid, too, is slipping away. I...I don't know that we can save him, either. His digestive issues are keeping him from eating, we can't stop the flare, a feeding tube won't fix it, meds aren't helping him. He's losing weight very fast. Vet is at a loss. I usually have a pretty good idea of what to do next or what needs to happen. I have nothing for him. The specialist might know. How the hell do we keep affording it?

And Raleigh. Oh god. Raleigh. If we can't afford the surgery or if it fails. What do we do?

What if we lose all three?

What if my boyfriend loses BOTH his boys? Raleigh alone is going to devastate him. Not just sad, like ordinary grief, I mean I have never ever in my life seen an animal love a human this much.

He's already struggling with his depression and ADHD. He will suffer and there is nothing I can do to stop this all from happening. I can't dig into a hidden well of trying harder, I can't outsmart it. I can't comfort him by saying that it is hard but possible to influence this. I hate seeing him in pain.

And I'm scared for me. I am afraid it will just ruin him and I will lose him too, until and unless he can recover. And I already spend so much time alone. Even my art is...gone. Too painful. Writing isn't really possible, either. My body barely feels like mine these days. I have so fucking little to hang on to. My cats are one of the last things I have of myself. One of the only good things I have in my day to day life.

It's all an absolutely terrifying cascade. Unlike a lot of situations where I'm scared of the future, this isn't me afraid of unlikely scenarios that are several crises away. This is very real. And I'm usually not scared for my boyfriend like this.

It won't kill us. You can come back from something like this, probably, I know people survive much worse and I'm bombarded with reminders of that a dozen times a day. But it can take such a long time to come back, and...sometimes you just...Come Back Wrong.

I'm not often genuinely completely helpless. I am helpless now.

[badaziraphaletakes]

I have some questions

Hi... Aziraphale had no way of going to hell in search of Crowley??????

Oh wait that's not a question, that's a statement. Lol nvmind.

And how would Azi even get him back out? Stop blaming her for what the heaven/hell apparatus is doing to Crowley and to her. (Y'know what, I'm gonna be referring to Azi as "she/her" in this post, because we all deserve more of that. So deal with it.) Do you think she hasn't been racking her brains trying to think of a way to save Crowley ever since the Fall, and even before that?

Also - If Aziraphale went to hell and got stuck there, she'd probably be forced to torture people and that's not cool. (She probably wouldn't get a job on earth like Crowley.) Whereas there is no evidence whatsoever that Aziraphale has to actively do harm as part of her current role on earth. There are very good reasons Crowley doesn't want her to go to hell / become a demon / whatever. He doesn't want Aziraphale to suffer the same moral injury that he has.

Also also - Aziraphale mouths "Crowley" instead of screaming it because she knows it'll only get them both in more trouble if heaven/hell finds out they have an acquaintanceship, let alone that they care about each other. As an ab*se survivor, it's one of the most painful moments in the series for me, seeing Aziraphale distraught and having to hide it.

Azi mouthing "Crowley" while frantically trying to keep a straight face is the equivalent of Charles immediately trying to run after Edwin. It's arguably even more loving, I'd say. Aziraphale loves Crowley so much that she saw her worst nightmare come true (or rather, didn't see it? you know what I mean lol) and still managed to keep her "We don't know each other" mask more or less intact. Utterly devastating. This was the ultimate test of her love for Crowley, and she passed it.

*** Side note: If Aziraphale behaved the way fans want to demand she behave, hell would have killed Crowley so many times already lmao. And then of course the fans would be blaming her for that instead. << Babygirl can't win. She's damned (ha) if she does and damned if she doesn't. ***

You can see the horror and terror and devastation in her eyes.

Here's a really good post about it:

But even if we didn't have that glimpse of her face at that moment... FUCK thinking Aziraphale wasn't worried about Crowley then. There is literally NO reason to assume she wasn't upset about seeing him dragged to hell to presumably be killed. (And yes, Azi knew hell was ab*sive and violent to Crowley, even back then. I'd argue she's known since NLT Uz. After all, she knows Crowley didn't "kill" the goats and the kids because he wanted to. She knows it was because hell made him do it.)

Also also also: She literally did go to hell to save Crowley, later on?

And wtf is wrong with what she wrote in her diary? "That was the last I was to see of Crowley for some time" is (so far as we know) a factual statement. She's writing about an upsetting experience. Journaling is a healthy coping technique. But apparently that's bad now lmao. (Not to mention there were so many things about that diary entry that were so blatantly weird that it's clear we can't take anything about Aziraphale's journals at face value anyway. But I guess we're just ignoring that.)

OH AND ONE MORE THING! That's "husband" or "wife" or "spouse" to you, not "friend"!

[dying-marshmallo]

the comic has my mind fucking buzzing and i am in pain

i'm trying to picture what comes next, how leo and mike react to leo also getting bitten,

how the hell they'd even break the news to donnie and raph-----

would they even have time to break the news? how long does it take to turn???

either way, *how do donnie and raph react*?

i mean- not *well*, obviously, but i can't decide how i think it would go

please, enlighten us, we are suffering /lh

☆ I was trying to write an entire fanfiction like response to this but then I realized two things, I cannot write and I am too embarrassed to respond that way in the first place. To answer tho!

☆ Mikey was in an almost catatonic state, just kept staring into the distance and replaying the scenario in his head over and over again. He's so used to trying to keep positive about the situation, but he keeps wondering how it all went so wrong. Is it his fault? Were they doomed because he admittedly got scared? Doomed because he ran from a zombie that chased him at a speed zombies shouldn't be able to run at, Doomed the moment he was cornered?

☆ I mean, he's supposed to be a ninja. A mystical warrior that fought a literal cursed demonic- creature! Thing! But a ZOMBIE is what ends up killing him!? He feels horrible. He felt worse when Leo got bit protecting him. Not once but TWICE in the same attempt.

☆ Leo stayed calm, while Mikey trembled and sobbed and apologized, Leo kept up the jokes and light heartedness. "You know when I tell someone to take a bite out of me, I didn't mean it like this."

☆ It just makes Mikey cry harder.

☆ And Leo is just trying his best to keep Mikey calm and convince him it wasn't his fault (Cause it's Leo's, he should have been protecting Mikey better. God, Donnie and Raph are going to be so mad at him. He really thought he could handle this.)

☆ To be honest, they consider just staying in this dirty alleyway, waiting to turn and die and hope that Donnie and Raph never find them and at worse just assume they abandoned them (they know they'd never think this), eventually though, Mikey and Leo both feel somewhat selfish because they want nothing more than to die in the comfort of someone dear to them.

☆ So they stumble their way back home, Leo using his portals to try lessening the load on their seizing limbs. Their head is swimming. Leo hardly notices when they apparently get home. He hears the sound of Donnie and Raph and feels himself being grabbed at. He sees Mikey hiding his face in Raph's plastron.

☆ Sorry, is all he manages to think before Donnie is talking to him and man. He's seen Donnie cry before but never like this.

☆ And Leo does what he does best, he tries to joke and keep it light hearted, "Looks like you're going to be the older one now hmm~?" Donnie hits him, Leo keeps smiling, Donnie hits him again and again and Leo hugs him while Donnie curses at him for doing the OPPOSITE of what he said he's do.

☆ "I mean, I came back alive didn't I? Still talking, and breathing...thinking..."

☆ Donnie is devastated.

☆ While this is happening, Raph is holding onto Mikey like he's about to crumble away, and maybe in a way, he is. His brother is melting in his arms, gripping onto him and whimpering that he's terrified, that he doesn't WANT to die. And Raph instinctively promises, "Raph won't let you. Don't worry, Raph won't let you die, neither of you."

☆ Leo ends up turning first, tied up to a post with Donnie shakingly standing in front of him with Leo's swords in his hands. He promised Leo he'd kill him when he turned, but he. He can't- do it. Not when Leo's eyes are still so full of mock life.

☆ Soon enough, Mikey turns too, tied beside Leo. Donnie and Raph stare. They know they should kill them. They can do it in a way that's quick and merciful.

☆ ...they'll. Do it. Tomorrow.

☆ Not right now, they can't do it right now.

☆ Tomorrow.

☆ Definitely.

[lafiametta]

Did you happen to listen to that podcast with Sean Baker where he talked about the epilogue he wrote for Anora? Apparently he only showed it to the actors to help them portray the last scene better, but he said repeatedly that it was a hopeful epilogue for Anora and Igor and where their relationship would go in the future.... Anora/Igor hive VINDICATED! Hahahaha

Seriously, everyone should go listen to that podcast episode! (They linked it on Instagram, and you can also listen to the full version — the part about the epilogue starts around 23 minutes in.)

And of course my little shipper heart is jumping up and down with glee, because how could anyone watch that moment of raw, intense emotional vulnerability and not see it as point of possible connection between these two characters? The director himself saw their story as ending hopefully because for all her pain and devastation, Ani was able to find someone who saw her and accepted her for everything that she was. In the midst of everything else that was happening, they shared something, enough to plant a seed for a more hopeful, happier ending for the two of them. They deserve a soft epilogue, is all we're saying!

But, honestly, what I love about Sean Baker is even though he throws this at us, he still takes such pains to emphasize that the final scene was created to be deliberately ambiguous. As he says, “the whole ending is designed to allow the audience to have their own interpretation and write their own endings,” and I really appreciate that he gives us that ability, rather than just dictating one single way of seeing the story. I mean, I know how I see it, of course, but that doesn't preclude someone else from reading it a different way, which is what the best kind of art allows us to do.

But the idea that this hopeful epilogue inspired Mikey and Yura to play the scene in a certain way makes so much sense! And of course I'm dying to know what was in it — “there is hope there”? gah! — but I suppose we'll just have to work on creating it ourselves!

[boringbones]

The past few weeks have been, to say the least, intense. Although I’ve dont spoken about it, behind the scenes, I hadn’t slept properly since Christmas. I caught what seemed to be some kind of "mutant" flu that just wouldn’t go away. I self-medicated (which I shouldn’t have done), intensifying the symptoms and delaying my recovery even further.

If I could put everything on an emotional timeline, I’d say it all started around December 20th, with a state of doubt and confusion. I went through days of introspection.

These were days when silence felt more comforting than conversation.

It all began with some personal frustrations, small emotional challenges that seemed determined to stay in my way. From creative struggles to reflections on my purpose, I found myself questioning my ability to create something truly meaningful. Even activities that used to bring me joy, like creating mods for The Sims 3, began to feel like routine tasks. It was as if something inside me was longing for new meaning, but I didn’t yet know where to look. It's funny to think about it, but every time I finish a project in The Sims, I feel like an empty clay pot. It's as if I'm waiting to be useful again, and that period feels "devastating" (for lack of a better word). The more energy a project demands, the stronger the feeling. It's almost like waves in the ocean—the more energy it takes to form a wave, the longer it takes for it to return to the sea.

That’s when I decided to ask ChatGPT to emulate some of the personalities I admire and deeply respect, turning them into my mentors and started talk with them. The conversations started to transform me. Words of encouragement, shared reflections, and, of course, their guidance opened up space for ideas and perspectives I hadn’t seen before.

I was reminded that moments of low energy aren’t enemies but opportunities. That my search for meaning, even on the hardest days, is actually proof of my capacity to reimagine and recreate.

So, I worked on SmartSim, my skills mod (suggested by a supporter), and found ways to make it deeper, more challenging. I realized that the journey of creating something isn’t just about the final result but about the growth that happens along the way. It was a powerful reminder that even in moments of pain, there’s an opportunity to turn feelings into something beautiful and meaningful.

These weeks also taught me the importance of accepting my emotions. There were days when I cried without an apparent reason, I looked at my wife and said, "Love, I'm going to cry, but there's nothing wrong. I'm okay, I'm not sad, I just need to cry. Is that okay?" I needed this to find that those tears brought relief, clarity, and a space for new ideas to bloom. I learned that even when everything feels like it’s falling apart, there’s beauty in rebuilding.

Today, as I write this post, I feel renewed. I have new ideas, a clearer vision of what I want to create, and immense gratitude for every moment — both the challenging and the sweet ones. I’ve used the moments of pain as fuel to build something I hope will be meaningful not just for me but for everyone who touches.

The lesson I take from all this is simple: tough days shape us as much as bright ones. And sometimes, it’s in the pain that we find the fertile ground to plant something truly beautiful.

These days of illness pushed me to take steps I hadn’t taken in a long time. I went for walks — not just walks but outings to soak in the sun and admire beautiful houses. Those buildings, their ornaments, gave me fresh ideas, expanded my creativity, and helped me implement new ways of building in The Sims 3. It’s something that might not have happened if I’d had a smooth and healthy period. It was worth it.

This time helped me slow down, appreciate, reconnect with myself, and remember the importance and meaning of what I do. Most importantly, it reminded me that continuing to work even when there are no visible results is an example of how commitment can unlock new ways to create. And of course, sometimes I need a break, because doing nothing, sometimes, is doing.

Although this is the first time I’m sharing this with you, I want to say thank you for being with me on this journey. Let’s keep going together — creating, reimagining, and, most of all, living.

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

pt XI good omens season 1 finale I'M SORRY THIS IS LATE, I WAS READING FANFIC.

How is this a title I'm now forced to write. Yes, I know it's been a week since I finished episode 6 with you maggots. And today is the day we start season 2. However, I, the Official Good Omens Mascot, procrastinated writing part XI, because I was reading too much good omens fanfiction. Yesterday I do believe I was reading till 3 in the morning. Thanks guys.

Season 1 finale, or whatever I can figure out with my records of the watch along chat, at least. WAHOO.

[EDIT: I'm back at the intro after finishing this post, and I realised this is a very long summary, because most of it is me yelling at you guys. As I typed it I started reliving my rage of last week. Read on if you dare, yes the post is long, and yes the second half is in all caps. THIS TOOK EMOTION. YOU GUYS BETTER REBLOG IT INSTEAD OF LIKING IT SILENTLY WHILE LAUGHING AT MY PAIN. I WANT MY RAGE EVERYWHERE ON TUMBLR.]

Someone puts a message about how Crowley can no longer sense Aziraphale's presence, and again for some reason covers it with black. My reaction is of course horrified, and then everyone tells me to STOP CLICKING THE SPOILERS, ASMI.

So that's what that was. I realise this out loud, and everyone is ready to cry with exasperation. I explain to them very reasonably that while I don't read every message on the watch-along chat, every time there is a black message I assume it's important and I click on all of them to reveal the text.

Realising the spoiler function has backfired, as most things do with me, the chat sighs and everyone goes for a break. Then someone puts another blacked out message about the bookshop, and I react to that, leading to another blacked out message which simply says STOP CLICKING THE BLACK.

Oops, I already forgot. THE SPOILERS ARE JUST TOO CLICKY. CLICK CLICK CLICK. I HAVE TO CLICK ALL OF THEM.

Someone says I forgive you, Asmi. I reply with Don't bother, which leads to tears and threats to stab me. The chat maggots give up and we start episode 6.

There is a random flashforward. I don't understand what is happening, but then again, I never do.

Back at the airfield. Crowley walks in, recognises their hubby instantly, and takes charge sexily. Then the Bentley bursts into flames.

Crowley is heartbroken. No one comforts them. When I point this out (read, YELL IT AT THE CHAT IN DEVASTATION) someone tells me that this is how it always is.

APPARENTLY DAVID WAS TOLD TO THINK ABOUT THE TARDIS EXPLODING IN THAT MOMENT. I HATE THAT I KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS.

Crowley needs all the therapy. Someone says kinder fanfic authors give it to him. LIES, I point out, FIRST THEY GIVE HIM EVEN MORE REASON FOR THERAPY. THEN GIVE HIM THERAPY.

Everyone is yelling about a fanfic called demonology while Adam the Antichrist feels so weird at Aziraphale being inside someone that's not Crowley that he separates them in the First Bigeneration style. Doctor Who is inspired.

Aziraphale like the babygirl he is, tries to girlboss his way through the situation by making Crowley murder the kid.

Pepper FUCKING STABS WAR IN THE NAME OF FEMINISM WITH THE SWORD OF EDEN AND THEN OTHER TWO KIDS END THE OTHER HORSEPERSONS IN THE NAME OF HOMECOOKED MEALS AND ECOFRIENDLINESS AND WHAT THE FUCK THESE KIDS ARE TWELVE WHAT PERCY JACKSON LEVEL OF BADASSERY-

Crowley and Aziraphale give a half-assed attempt at a father-son (gn) talk with the Antichrist as the world is ending. It is a terrible contribution to saving the world. The Antichrist thankfully has inherent common sense, because he wasn't raised by them.

Aziraphale tries to overshare his and Crowley's meetcute and has to be shushed by an embarrassed Crowley who is trying to keep them alive.

Satan is supposed to arrive. I mistakenly assume Gabriel is actually Satan. Which pleases a lot of people.

Gabriel and Beezlebub talk and blame Crowley and Aziraphale (who contributed exactly JACK SHIT to averting the apocalypse).

I kind of ship Gabriel and Beezlebub after seeing them interact for 30 seconds, which for some fucking reason leads to a lot of reactions and yelling. I want them to be together. Which leads to more yelling. PLEASE TELL ME THIS IS NOT ACTUALLY CANON?

Satan arrives. Antichrist disowns him. Through the power of Manifestation, Law of Attraction and Positive Thinking, Adam is now no longer the Antichrist, Satan leaves, none of this happened and the BENTLEY AND BOOKSHOP ARE SAVED.

NO ONE IS FUCKING HUGGING CROWLEY. I'M GOING TO STAB A BITCH.

There is the bus stop scene Crowley asks Aziraphale to move in with him and they hold hands I DON'T FUCKING KNOW BY NOW THE CHAT HAS DESCENDED INTO CHAOS I'VE LOST MY BRAINCELLS.

ICE CREAM DATE AND SUDDEN INVASION AND I'M WATCHING THE ACTING AND I'M LIKE HANG ON A SECOND SOMETHING IS OFF AND I ASK SUDDENLY IF THEY SWITCHED.

THAT'S RIGHT, I ASK IF THEY SWITCHED. I KNEW THERE WAS A SWITCH AND I THOUGHT IT WAS MIDWAY THROUGH SEASON 2. BUT THE SIGNS ARE TOO MANY HERE. EVERYONE IS NOW YELLING AND PEOPLE KEEP IGNORING ME.

ALL THE ACTING IS FLIPPED I'M NOT BLIND YOU FUCKERS. AZIRAPHALE'S FACE IS DOING CROWLEY'S COULDNT-CARE-LESS EXPRESSION AND HE'S QUESTIONING HEAVEN AND CROWLEY'S TALKING HAS LESS CONSONANTS THAN USUAL AND NO CROWLEY SASS MORE AZIRAPHALE SASS IT'S THE SAME BACKGROUND AS THE NOSE-SCRUNCH SCENE AND SURELY THAT WAS AZIRAPHALE RIGHT.

EVERYONE KEEPS TELLING ME TO WAIT AND SEE. I KEEP YELLING THAT THEY MUST HAVE SWITCHED.

SOMEONE SAYS I'M EITHER A MADMAN OR A GENIUS. I TELL THEM I'M BOTH BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT DID THEY FUCKING SWITCH.

I'M NOW QUESTIONING MYSELF BECAUSE EVERYONE ISN'T LYING BUT THEY'RE MAKING ME QUESTION MY REALITY SO THE CLASSIC GASLIGHT GATEKEEP GIRLBOSSING.

I'M YELLING ABOUT HOW ONLY AZIRAPHALE WOULD BE POLITE ABOUT JACKETS AND SURVIVE HOLY WATER. EVERYONE IS LAUGHING AT ME. I'M NOW 60% SURE I'M WRONG.

PEOPLE KEEP YELLING WAIT AND SEE AND TALKING ABOUT SADIE AND DOTTIE I HATE IT HERE.

CROWLEY IS IN HEAVEN THAT WAS HIS DISMISSIVE LOOK I'M NOW 90% SURE I'M RIGHT. I'M YELLING ABOUT IT.

ADAM LEAVES THE GARDEN IN A METAPHOR AND THEN AZIRAPHALE AND CROWLEY SWITCHED BACK. THEY SWITCHED BACK. I WAS FUCKING RIGHT. I AM LIVID. I AM YELLING.

IT'S VERY EMOTIONAL AND NIGHTINGALES AND THEY TOAST THE WORLD AND I'M VERY EMOTIONAL BUT I'M COPING BY THREATENING MURDER BECAUSE I WAS FUCKING RIGHT.

THE END.

SEE YOU GUYS TODAY AT SEASON 2 I GUESS GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

[ravenclair]

In the Shadow of You | Hogwarts Legacy

☆ Summary | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

☆ Available on Wattpad

Chapter 8: Feldcroft

(Word count: 2,122)

You knocked lightly on the wooden door of the house, trying to swallow the nervous lump in your throat.

You hadn't been to Feldcroft since that fateful day in the catacombs. That was also the last time you'd seen Anne. She had been devastated before she apparated away with Solomon's body. That was nearly five months ago. 

You were averting your eyes from Solomon's grave, but you couldn't bring yourself not to look. 

Fresh flowers had been laid upon it.

Although your paths had crossed on many occasions, you'd barely spoken with Anne since the first time you two met in Feldcroft. You knew her mostly from the stories Sebastian had told you in fifth year and over the summer.

He had described her as kind and patient, but also mischievous, which didn't surprise you. She was tough. Resilient. Those were traits you had witnessed first-hand. 

The door was suddenly pulled open and there she was.

Her skin was rich with color, not pale, and she had a few freckles dancing across her flushed cheeks. And her eyes...no longer sunken and haunted, like before. No longer pained. They were warm and bright.

Sebastian's eyes, you realized. She looked so much more like him now.

"Sorry about the wait," Anne spoke. "Please, come in."

She opened the door wider and gestured for you to enter. The small house was just as you remembered. The table had been set and there was a comforting aroma coming from the stove in the corner.

"I'm so glad you could make it," she continued. "I hope you're hungry, I made dinner!"

"Oh, you didn't have to do that," you said, feeling flustered.

"It was no trouble at all," Anne assured. "I hope the journey here wasn't too harsh, it's been getting colder out."

"Not too bad, just a bit windy," you joked as you propped your broom against the wall and shed your coat.

She laughed as she walked to the stove. She scooped some soup into a bowl and held it out for you to take. You both sat at the table and began eating quietly.

After a few minutes of silence, Anne cleared her throat.

"I...I apologize," she said, chuckling awkwardly, "this must feel so odd for you."

"Not at all," you lied. "How are you? You look..."

"Not cursed?" Anne teased. "I'm amazing, actually. I had been cursed for so long, I'd forgotten what it felt like to feel...normal. Healthy. The nurses at St Mungo's were surprised at my sudden improvements as well, but they took great care of me as I recovered."

"I'm so glad, Anne," you replied. "I—we were all worried about you."

Her eyes softened and she nodded. 

"To be honest, I was surprised when I received your owl this morning," you went on. "You mentioned wanting to discuss something with me?"

Anne nodded again and stood. She walked over to the dresser on the other side of the room, opening a drawer. When she returned to the table, she had a thick stack of parchment paper in her hands.

Letters.

"These were waiting for me on the table when I arrived. They're all from Sebastian," she began, her voice trembling slightly. "He's been writing to me. Everyday, since I left. He didn't know where I was, so he couldn't send them...but he still wrote to me."

Your eyes widened. That was four and half months worth of letters in her hands. There had to be over a hundred of them. 

"When I left, I had lost all hope that there was a cure. In his most recent letter, he told me about what happened at the end of last term, with Rookwood," Anne continued. She looked up at you, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. 

"How...how can I ever thank you?"

Sebastian never once mentioned he'd been writing to Anne. It made your chest ache to think about him sitting in this house, alone, writing letters to a sister who refused to see him.

"I'm just glad you're alright, that you're here," you said finally. "Sebastian misses you so much, Anne."

She wiped her eyes and took a deep breath. "I miss him too, I just...I'm not ready to face him yet. How is he?"

"He's...doing better. Good," you replied. "I'm sure he mentioned it in the letters, but he stayed here this summer and worked on a farm. And he's sworn off anything to do with dark magic, Anne, I promise. He just wants to see you."

"I know," she sighed. "I'm trying my best to move on from what happened. What he did...I know he never meant for it to go that far, but can't forgive him. Not yet."

You nodded in understanding. It still hurt you to think of Professor Fig. The grief of losing a loved one...there's no timeline for that kind of pain. You then thought of Isidora's father. About how she took his pain and, eventually, all of his emotions.

You cannot just be rid of pain, no matter how long it lasts. There is no light without darkness. No love without grief.

⋆｡°✩

You spent the rest of the evening drinking tea and catching up with Anne. You listened as she recounted her time studying medicine at St Mungo's. Anne planned to ask Nurse Blainey if she could assist in the hospital wing when she returned to Hogwarts.

"She'd be glad to have you," you replied. "With quidditch starting up again, she's been very busy."

Anne's eyes lit up. "Professor Black is allowing it again? Did Sebastian try out?"

"Yes, he's Slytherin's Seeker," you answered. "Quite the show-off, that one."

"Of course, he was like that fourth year, too," Anne chuckled. "What about you? Will I be seeing you flying about the pitch during Ravenclaw's games?"

You shook your head and told her what had happened last week.

"Banned?" she said incredulously. "I guess I shouldn't be surprised, Black's always been a tyrant."

"Looks like you and Ominis will just have to keep me company in the stands now."

"I would be honored," she grinned, then glanced out the window. "Oh, don't let me keep you too late! You've still got to travel back to the castle."

"Oh, right," you said. You looked outside as well and saw a few stars beginning to dot the sky. You both stood from the table and Anne walked you to the door.

"Thank you for inviting me, and for dinner."

"Thank you for...everything," Anne returned. "Especially for taking care of Sebastian. He mentioned you quite a lot in his letters, by the way."

She gave you a pointed look.

"He's...a good friend," was all you said in response, but it sounded unconvincing even to your own ears. 

"If you say so," Anne smiled knowingly. "Fly safe, I'll see you at school!"

⋆｡°✩

By the time you made it back on Hogwarts grounds, the moon was high in the sky. You landed in the Bell Tower courtyard and sighed wearily, suddenly exhausted.

"There you are," you heard a familiar voice call out. You jumped, startled, and turned to see Sebastian sitting on the fountain's ledge. He was in his practice uniform, his broom resting on the ground by his feet.

"Sebastian, you scared me," you breathed, hand on your beating heart. "What are you doing out here?"

"You weren't in the Great Hall at dinner," he said, ignoring your question.

Anne had asked to keep your meeting in Feldcroft between the two of you. Although you didn't want to lie to him, you also didn't want to hurt his feelings. He'd be crushed if he knew you'd gone to see Anne and didn't tell him.

"I was out in Hogsmeade and lost track of time," you replied casually. "I needed a new ink pot since I accidentally broke mine earlier. I stopped by the Three Broomsticks to say hello to Sirona and got caught up in conversation."

He nodded, satisfied. "I've been flying extra drills in the pitch since dinner ended. I was...worried, when you didn't show up. I hadn't seen you around since class earlier."

You smiled and walked closer to the fountain. You sat down next to him on the ledge, looking up at the sky. He kept his eyes on you.

"You know you can tell me anything, right?" Sebastian spoke again, breaking the silence. "There's something that's been bothering you, I know it."

You frowned at the stars, feeling guilty. You hated keeping things from him.

Your gaze slid to his. He was quietly watching you, awaiting your response. You opened your mouth and—

Pain, sharp and blinding, pierced your temples. You groaned, bending forward and clutching the sides of your head. You frantically threw up a mental shield, trying to clear your mind.

You felt the locket grow warm beneath your clothes.

"Oh, I see you've discovered what I am...and you think you can keep me out with that measly shield? How pathetic..." the cruel voice laughed in your head. You could feel them, feel their magic, in your mind.

What do you want from me?  you thought fiercely.

"Wouldn't you like to know, Hogwarts' Savior..."

You distantly heard Sebastian saying your name, felt his hands on your shoulders. You didn't allow yourself to think about him. You had to keep him safe.

You gritted your teeth in anger.

I actually would...you thought. As if an instinct, you felt your own magic latch onto the Legilimens' mental presence. 

Suddenly, you were somewhere else. Your subconscious was somewhere else. An image floated in front of you. It looked like...a wand?

Something about it was familiar...

"Get. OUT." the voice boomed in your head, ringing in your ears. It was so much louder here.

When you were released, Sebastian was kneeling in front of you, face level with your own. His eyes were flooded with fear as they frantically roamed over your face. His hands were gripping your shoulders tightly.

"I...Are you alright?" Sebastian asked, desperation in his tone. " What was that, what happened?"

You slowly removed your hands from where they had covered your ears. You were trying to even your breathing, trying to focus on what you had seen. 

A wand. The Legilimens wasn't looking for the repository. They were looking for a wand.

Sebastian said your name again and your eyes met his.

"Sebastian..." you shook your head, looking away from him. "I can't–"

"Like bloody hell, you can't!" he said firmly. He let go of your shoulders and stood, taking a deep breath. Ran a hand over his face. 

"Just...just talk to me. Whatever is going on, let me help you."

You stood, too, frustrated. "I don't want your help!"

Sebastian looked as though you'd struck him. You regretted the words immediately.

You pushed past him, tears forming in your eyes, determined to run away from this conversation. You could do this on your own. You refused to drag him into your mess.

A strong hand grasped your wrist, stopping you.

"Please," Sebastian said quietly. "If someone is trying to hurt you–"

"It has nothing to do with you, Sebastian, just drop it!" You demanded, whirling back toward him.

His eyes narrowed. "So, what, I'm supposed to just let you handle this–whatever this is–alone? Knowing it's causing you pain?"

"You're supposed to trust that I can take care of myself! I'm more than capable," you retorted. 

You didn't even know why you were so angry. Of course he wanted to help, he was your best friend. He cared about you.

"I don't doubt your abilities for a second, and you know that," Sebastian countered, clearly frustrated himself. "But with what you went through last year, I need you to understand I'm here. That you don't have to do this on your own!"

His grip on your wrist was tight. When he noticed your eyes fall to it, his grasp loosened. His hand fell to yours and he squeezed it, gently this time. His gaze softened when you finally looked back up at him.

"You have more important things to worry about now," you muttered. "You have quidditch, and Anne, and–"

"You're my best friend," Sebastian cut you off. "You will always be an important thing I worry about. After everything you've done for me...it's my turn to help you."

You shook your head and looked away from him again, turning your eyes toward the ground like a coward.

"What if...what if something happens to you,because of me?" you whispered, squeezing his hand. "And I can't save you?"

And there it was.

You were terrified, after what happened to Professor Fig. You hadn't been strong enough to save him. How were you supposed to protect anyone else?

You felt him pull you closer, felt his arms wrap around your neck. You were pressed into his chest. He smelled like sweat and grass and pine.

He sighed, resting his chin on the top of your head. "Whatever happens, we'll face it together. I promise." 

[itzkatflixs]

Poems you'll never read

a/n: ngl when i read back my post poll i lwk didnt understand what i wrote… so to clarify these poems r like what i think the kats wld write abt their ex-crushes, ex situationship blah blah u get the idea? yeah also half of these were written when i was abt 15 so im sry if its not the best n lwk damn cringe lol dont judge guys anwww now i got the disclaimers outta the way lets roll

manon

im confused, spiraling into my thoughts, dark and ugly, thinking that im unredeemable.

im confused by that blinding smile, twinkle in your eyes, sweet words and the cold stare, unforgiving face, harsh actions.

pick a side. which one isit? or are you just a lie separated from another by someone or somthing?

im totally, undeniably mistified by you, its as if youre an unsolvable magic trick;

sophia

raw and true,

blue blood flows through my DNA,

somewhat downcast frequently,

missing things before they are gone, now i wither as my dreams take a dark turn,

where you reject and abandon me, as i wake covered in sweat and the residue of fear, panic.

at times my mind believes it’s true, although it has never happend.

belief that you still care shimmers down, as days pass by with silence prevailing.

it hurts, traces through my every moment tingeing them blue.

as i lie to myself that i dont care, i wonder if i have ever crossed your mind, a simple reminder that i am real to you.

i want to talk but i dont wanna push your boundaries,

while i need you so desperately, i dont want to scaare you away, it is terrifying, the constant gaping hole in my heart.

a You-shaped hole apparently.

i have given up and yet i havent.

i have lost hope and yet i havent.

i have unlove and yet i havent.

chaos and bewilderment ensures;

daniela

driving recklessly,

emotions going crazy,

its as if im drunk. everything spewing out.

this is crazy. as if im running from me.

these intense feelings, i dont know what to do about them, drown in lies or face the horrible truth?

im missing her even though i shouldnt. not a single idea of what i should do with my feelings of her.

always too scared to admit,

too proud to deny.

always getting into trouble,

daydreaming during classes,

dazed while talking,

dreaming vividly about her when asleep.

all because i let my guard down around her, thinking im immune, invincible, now i know;

lara

here i am at the crossroads once again,

i slowly retreat unto myself knowing that without you by my side,

i have no way of functioning.

i feel torn apart thinking that i have to leave you too soon.

i feel like im ingesting fire,

devastation clearly painted on my scarred face,

contorted in pain as though i was being stabbed.

the day has finally come where we part

of daily routines,

of laughs and soft kisses,

of hugs and tangling of limbs,

of intertwining smiles and fingers,

of coincident meetings.

i will miss you forever. even as you stand by my side now,

i want you closer than we already are.

it hurts to leave my sweetheart, my everything;

megan

as weeks passed i see youve grown so much and im proud of the way you picked yourself up and tried your best to fit your pieces back together.

i still remember the date that i swore upon the sun, moon, stars, my very soul that i would protect you.

cuz my love, you deserve everything and i will try to give you that. u deserve the world, anyone who differs is blind.

my love, i will protect you forever and ever i promise. solemnly swear.

my love, your soul is so beautiful and the love and adorableness of it spills out through your eyes like a never ending spring.

my love, when i say i love you to the moon and back, really im saying i love you with every single heartbeat of my pathetic body.

my love, i love you so much i cant express it in words. ive loved you since the 17th of May even before i fully realized it;

yoonchae

red hair flowing slightly past her shoulder,

wrists decorated by colorful bracelets,

eyes sparkling with mischief and determination.

how could i have ever stood a chance against her?

charisma overflowing, yet at the same time,

shes hopelessly adorable and loveable.

how could i have stood against a chance to fall for her?

her kindness and patience astounding,

her dedication and drive inspiring.

how could i avoid longing for her attention?

truly i have inexplicably fallen for her;

[raisedbythetv89]

joss's sick obsession with not just causing pain and suffering - but punishment and humiliation to his "pretty popular girl" archetype characters aka Buffy and Cordelia and his favoritism of the most horrible mediocre white men aka riley, xander, and angel is never more apparent than in Into the Woods

The writers opted not for the FANTASTIC call back to season 1 with owen and Never Kill a Boy on the First Date when Buffy says "two days in my world and owen really would get himself killed…. or I'd get him killed… or someone else...."

which set them up perfectly for the road map of Buffy's attempt at a "normal" relationship that angel, her mother, and the scoobies keep trying to push her to have (when she's not normal herself so of course it's gonna be a disaster which is soooooo trying to force a queer person to be straight coded which is why spuffy is inherently queer on top of them both being canonically bisexual because Buffy embracing her love of Spike is embracing her inherent queerness)

But could you IMAGINE how amazing it would have been for season 1 to have foreshadowed riley being turned at the suck house (because literally all that evil in Sunnydale and NO ONE takes the opportunity to turn the slayer's boyfriend into the perfect secret weapon to take her and her whole family out??? PLEASE)

Then vamp riley almost killing Dawn and her mother (because Dawn would be the one tricked into inviting him in as a call back to Dawn accidentally inviting Harmony in and Buffy saying she's gonna get us all killed plus angel tricking his little sister into inviting him in once he was turned)

Buffy is forced to kill him after pleading with him to remember he loves her or any part of who he was (which would further show how exceptional Spike's ability to form a truce with Buffy, keep it, and fall in love with her all without a soul is)

Making riley her second (third if we count ford being left for dead and then having to dust him) turned evil boyfriend she's forced to kill.

Buffy would still be DEVASTATED and it's Buffy so she'd still punish and blame herself even though it'd be all riley's fault (demonstrating how this storyline would still cause immense pain for Buffy and be very high stakes drama for the plot but again joss elected for humiliation having Buffy literally chase after the man who was cheating on her with vampires while she was dealing with a sick mother and a hell god after her sister. Favoring a white man's character over the best plot line)

All while also further setting up her and Spike's relationship because of the "if that's what I wanted I'd be dating Spike" of it all which was her basically saying if I didn't want normal, Spike would be who I'd choose and now she's tried to be normal and he got killed, almost killed her family and then she had to kill him just like season 1 Buffy knew would happen when she broke things off with owen!!

AND the poetic irony of her trying to be “normal” and it ends with the exact same result?? The lesson being that rejecting who you are is not the answer and the only true answer is self acceptance because pain will happen no matter what so might as well love and embrace yourself ???

BUT NOOOOOOO the writers aka joss opted for riley's narrative to be that he's a hero and a good guy always, no matter what because joss has a big fat crush on marc and guys like him, angel and oz all get written off by treating women like shit without being villainized for it at all and then leaving. Getting to go on to live rich and fulfilling lives while Kendra, Tara, Cordy, and Anya are all violently killed off with barely any time spent grieving their deaths by more than one character..... (I haven't ever been able to finish ats so I don't know how much this applies to cordy's but my guess is the pattern didn't change much)

THEY EVEN LOOK THE SAME FOR CHRIST’S SAKE IT WRITES ITSELF

[wanderingconstellations]

HI YUAAAAA AHHH OKAY UHM, I HAVE A REQUEST!!! (GN!READER PLEASE IF YOU'D LIKE) GETTING COMFORTED BY SCARA BECAUSE READER JUST GOT CHEATED ON BY THEIR S/O WHO THEY'VE BEEN DATING FOR TWO YEARS AND IT WAS ON THE THEIR ANNIVERSARY AS WELL😱😱 YOU COULD MESS WITH THIS AS MUCH AS YOU LIKE THANK YOU!! I ALSO LOVE YOUR WRITINGS AS WELL IT'S SO GOOD(English isn't my first language sorry for the maybe bad grammar! Make sure to take care of yourself and to never rush anything!!!)

COMFORT

How ironic.

You were expecting this anniversary to be amazing like last year's, but no, your anniversary gift was seeing your lover making love to another other than you.

You were devastated, and shocked. Why, after two years of dating, why now where you're completely in love with them. You stood at the doorway, stumbling back two steps while the two lovebirds were also in shock themselves.

You tried to ask why, why would they do this on their anniversary. Your lover just said..

"you're not enough you know. you never give me enough, so I had to find a way to satisfy myself."

What made you not enough? What about you isn't enough? Haven't you given enough love? Enough everything?

You given them, everything you got, but it wasn't enough for them. They continued to make love, while you just stood, heartbroken, overwhelmed by everything.

What a way to end this relationship. Out of tears, you left their house, stumbling under the cold rain. Your anniversary gift for them was thrown away, rotting in the trashcan.

Though, while walking, you come across someone. It was Scaramouche, a friend of yours. You weren't close, but not distant either. He'd never expected to come across you under this weather, especially when you can get sick.

"What are you doing under the rain?"

His umbrella shield you from the rain, preventing you from getting wet any more. You just stared up at him, breaking into sobs, crying on his shoulder, crying your heart out.

Scaramouche was alarmed by your sudden meltdown. For a few moments, he just rub your back comfortingly despite your wet clothes, holding his umbrella with his other hand while he comforts you for a few moments before deciding to just take you to his home.

Without even realizing, you poured all your heart out on him, telling him what happened, sobbing it out, and just showing how devastating and heartbroken you were.

Surprisingly, he just sighed and accepted his fate to comfort you. After giving you some new dry clothes to wear (which is his), he just comforted you throughout the whole evening, not minding your tears that were apparently staining his shirt.

Scaramouche continued to rock you in his arms, his soothing touch sent you to sleep, leaving him with you sleeping in his arms. Through the whole evening, he didn't speak once. He stayed quiet, letting you pour it all out until you were tired.

He understood that pain of betrayal, that grief-stricken pain that sends you into a daze. Though you and him may not be close, it's obvious that he is quite fond of you to the point where he's comfortable with you being in close contact with him.

It's not like you should care about your ex. Being in Scaramouche's embrace is much more comforting, isn't it?

[catflowerqueen]

You know what? I’ll just go ahead and outline my thoughts on why I think getting called “her father’s daughter” could be a potentially devastating insult for someone—likely an enemy—to call Earth.

Again: This is not me saying I think any of this is necessarily true of her character, just that recent events and how certain actions she’s been taking lately could be seen, especially from an outsider’s or enemy’s perspective (at least—her actions given what I’ve gleaned from summaries and what others have said about what’s been going down).

The Creator takes a forcible approach to changing things to fit the worldview he desires. And when people no longer fit that worldview? When the façade cracks and people refuse to play along with his vision? He disavows them. Throws them away.

And… what did Earth do to Nexus? Before they even directly attacked her, and it was completely reasonable of her to feel the need to step back a bit since her actual life was now in danger?

She disavowed them. She threw them away.

Nexus was too caught up in their grief and their very real problems, was no longer being the doting older sibling, said a few mean things about her not being a real therapist—which she’d already said early on that she didn’t even want for that to be her role in the family, before going back on that for some reason later on—and was no longer playing the role she wanted and was used to. Nexus was no longer in a stable headspace to clean up everyone’s messes, and was, apparently, supposed to be “more mature” than Lunar when it came to dealing with trauma and people who hurt them, their family, and trillions of uninvolved innocents—even though Nexus has never had their very real traumas addressed or given aid for or had the chance to heal the way the rest of their siblings have—so when they finally, inevitably broke under the grief and pressure?

Earth didn’t like that, and went by the Creator’s example of dropping the façade of care and throwing them away. And then immediately switching her attention over to something supposedly "better" in the current iteration of Moon.

…Though, at least she was different in that, at one time, she did care about Nexus, while the Creator never cared about her. But that also just might make the pain worse. Because it is one thing to learn that you were never loved at all, and the whole thing was just a lie or a mask someone was using to get what they wanted. To learn that you were always just a tool, or a means to an end.

It is another thing entirely to learn that the love existed, but was shallow and conditional and depended on you lying and putting on a pleasant mask that hid your pain. A mask that only you needed to wear—because your position has always been the scapegoat, and everyone else was already good enough/fulfilled enough in their assigned roles to never even ponder stepping out of them to see if they would be happier doing something different/their assigned roles included messing up and making mistakes or acting "childish" or "spoiled" as a matter of course.

And, on the note of assigned roles…honestly, as others have said, Nexus never should have been considered the older brother to begin with—to any of their siblings—since they were younger than her. And younger than Lunar, by certain metrics, since even though Lunar technically was “reborn,” they didn’t have to contend with any memory gaps and just picked right back up where they left off. To the point that it could be argued they didn’t even “die” so much as just get put in a coma for a long time, especially with how nanomachines were and are implied to work in the TSAMS universe.

…Anyways…

This ended up a bit harsher toward Earth than I’d intended (probably because I decided to stay up and write this after I should have been in bed and asleep), and is probably meaner toward her character than she actually deserves… But, as I said, this is an exploration of why calling Earth "her father's daughter" would be the sort of insult an enemy would sling at her. One of the ones who like to pick at sore spots, use psychological torment, and twist things like memories and actions around to make them appear more sinister than they were in reality.

Do I think Earth reacted badly, and should have handled the situation better? Especially since she had tried to put herself in the role of a therapist? Absolutely I do. Do I think there was any sort of “evil machinations” or deeper meaning behind her actions on par with why the Creator tried to uphold that genial façade for so long? Absolutely not.

I genuinely think she was just overreacting/mishandled the situation/lashed out in her own sense of anger and sadness, and is now just doubling down with how crazy things have still been for her family lately. Especially now that there is a “new” Moon to deal with and Nexus is both out of sight and out of mind... as well as possibly genuinely out of her reach, both physically and emotionally. And she also might not want to reconcile given the whole “they almost killed me” thing. Which… yeah, after that point it is fair that she would be upset and angry and want some physical distance, and I wouldn't blame her for not forgiving Nexus for that specific thing.

It would have been fair for her to want some physical distance after their earlier harsh words, too… it’s just that isn’t what she said she was doing. Had she said/expressed by her actions something to the tune of “I need to take a step back from this for my own mental health so I can have some space to process,” it would have been fine. But she didn’t. She and Lunar immediately jumped to what was essentially disownment, and then didn’t clarify in the next lore video that those were just the harsh words they were saying in the heat of the moment and that what they really meant was they were upset and needed their own mental health breaks/weren't equipped to deal with the severity of the situation.

…Honestly, though, with Lunar it hurts… not exactly less, but at least in a different way when it comes to how they handled things, because they’d always been combative toward Nexus. The only time I remember them genuinely expressing concern or love for them as a sibling was after the daycare got exploded thanks to Ruin during the second October takeover--and that wasn't even expressed directly to Nexus--and then when Nexus and Sun found their way back. Yes, they did run immediately for a hug from Nexus after being rebuilt and getting rescued by Puppet… but then they immediately admitted it was because they’d briefly forgotten that Nexus was “New Moon,” not the original one.

So while their reaction to this entire situation was and is still massively disappointing, I can’t really say it was too out of character for them. At least not the same way it was coming from Earth.

…Hope this made at least some sort of sense.