#did a translation of this story too. Really looking forward to reading his essay in the foreword

[solradguy]

hai grandpa :3 how's it going these days?

Tired... But hanging in there. Tomorrow my 5th copy of Sir Gawain & The Green Knight (John Gardner translation) is supposed to deliver and, despite being 2 days behind on Soltober, there's only 7 days/drawings total left before I've completed it for the third year in a row. Chapter 1, part 2 of Lightning the Argent only has about 700 words left before the first draft is done, and I finally got my hands on some REALLY early Guilty Gear concept art scans (thanks Kat!!) that I'm going to translate here soon too.

I think my hormones are finally balancing back out again since getting the testosterone pellets put in, which is also nice. T's kind of a rowdy bastard at first not gonna lie haha

Thanks for asking!!

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 316: We've Had One, Yes, But What About Second Explosion

Previously on BnHA: Deku was all “[powers up like whoa because it’s time to end the fight]”, and he saved Overhaul from getting not-shot, and then smashed up Nagant’s arm with the power of his new rechargeable super knees. Nagant was all “yoooo this kid is crazy strong whaaaat, it’s like he’s some kind of protagonist or something.” Deku was all “I AM A PROTAGONIST, ACTUALLY, DO YOU WANT TO JOIN FORCES AND FIGHT BAD GUYS WITH ME?” Nagant was all “ah shit why the hell no -- ” and then AFO was all “SURPRISE” and everyone was all “?!?!?!” and AFO was all “TIME TO EXPLODE NOW” and made Nagant explode because he’s an absolute fucking dick. And then Hawks showed up, because Horikoshi just wanted to stuff as many plot points as humanly possible into a single chapter I guess.

Today on BnHA: Hawks is all “good job giving motivational shounen redemption speeches Deku but I’ll take it from here” and screams very earnestly right in Nagant’s face until she finally wakes up. Nagant is all “oh hey it’s my successor, you seem surprisingly unfucked-up from your own HPSC tenure, how did you manage that?” Hawks is all “fandom is going to love hearing this one, but basically it’s because I’m very upbeat and also I had the world’s best role model Endeavor to look up to,” and I swear this man stirs the pot on purpose, but damn it I still love him so damn much. Overhaul is all “HELLO AGAIN, JUST A REMINDER THAT, THE BOSS!!” and Deku is all “MAYBE TAKE TWO SECONDS TO REFLECT ON HOW YOU TORTURED A LITTLE GIRL,” which, thank you, lol. Nagant is all “btw AFO’s hiding in a house in the woods”, and so Deku and the gang go to the house in the woods. Video recording!AFO is all “hi I’m AFO welcome to Jackass” and blows up the house. Sometimes I wonder if this manga is just a weird dream.

I am once again reading the Bean version because I think it was actually the best out of all three translations last week. and that is surprisingly including Viz’s. “faux” is not nearly as entertaining as “knockoff”, and also I have literally no idea why Caleb thought Deku was saying the Third’s lines lol

oh hey, Endeavor’s here too! not that you’d ever be able to tell from this first panel lmao

glad you received All Might’s call, mysterious unidentified glowing smudge

oh snap he says he’s weaker in the rain. is that why AFO told Nagant to attack then?? except that as we discussed the other day, I believe that AFO fully intended for Nagant to lose the fight, so him giving her info that would give her an advantage doesn’t really fit in with that. maybe he wanted Deku to be separated from Endeavor and the rest for maximum angst, though

btw Deku’s eyes are unsurprisingly back to the new normal here

alas, the angst continues. I say, pretending like I’m not totally eating it up each and every week and writing essay after essay about it lol

anyway so apparently Hawks can’t actually fly lmao. he was just yeeting himself with style

for some reason this is the funniest fucking thing I’ve ever seen omfg. wave to Hawks, kids! say “bye, Hawks!”

j/k of course Deku is catching them. -- except???

wow so he was just running on fumes there at the end. well, good to know there is actually a limit to his shenanigans, particularly regarding this new “knockoff” 100% OFA. it will definitely not alleviate any of the discourse, but it’s good for my own peace of mind because it’s solid confirmation that he still needs his pals in order to win this thing

anyway, but on to the rest of this conversation, which is basically Deku deducing what we all deduced last week -- AFO implanted some sort of trap into Nagant when he gave her Air Walk. though I’d still like to get the actual details from AFO and/or Horikoshi, because this was particularly wild even by quirk standards lol

omgggggg

she still has a face after all!! so it’s confirmed, Horikoshi has no idea what “blowing up” actually means. we might have guessed, based on what happened to Toga in the MVA arc, and also based on everything Katsuki does ever, but shhh

so now Hawks is all “NAGANT PLEASE WAKE UP, IF I SHOUT MY NAME AT YOU WILL THAT DO THE TRICK”

this is actually kind of touching though because even though we all know (or most of us acknowledge at any rate) that Hawks is a pretty caring person, it’s rare to see him actually panic over someone’s welfare like this

oh shit Horikoshi is really doubling down on it

I wonder how much Hawks knew about what really happened between Nagant and the HPSC. regardless, he probably sees her as a kindred spirit of sorts, and I’m more than happy for Deku to pass the redemption torch onto him now that he’s on the scene. like no offense Deku but they actually know each other and stuff lol

DAMMIT NAGANT CAN’T YOU SEE HOW LOUD HE IS YELLING

apparently being freed from his HPSC shackles has finally given Hawks the space to embrace his own inner shounen protagonist. is there anything more shounen than trying to motivationally scream someone awake when they’re lying in your arms inches from death?? 100% guaranteed to work

!!! IS THIS NAGANT’S POV OMG

SO SHE IS ALIVE. THANK GOD. Horikoshi doesn’t want to meet with my emotional distress lawyer today after all

love how she’s all “just gonna stir up the weekly Hawks Discourse pot here by implying that he probably committed a lot of Atrocities just like I did, so now people can get all hopped up about that, even though there’s no evidence he’s ever killed anyone aside from that one horrible ‘damned-if-you-do...’ situation with Twice.” no one asked for your provocative speculation young lady!! trust me Nagant, our rabbles don’t need the rousing lol

but nice save there with the “so how are your eyes so untainted” well you see it’s because even when he was following the HPSC’s orders he always went to great lengths never to go against his own moral compass. which just to be clear was incredibly difficult, and led to a ton of pain and suffering on his part, because the life of a spy is basically just one impossible situation after another. but in spite of that he never stopped trying to do his best to help people. I don’t really know where this tangent came from or is leading to, lol, but anyway p.s.a. I love Hawks a lot and he’s a good kid dammit

oh shit??!?

how is the League always able to swing all these fancy forest mansions. where do they find them. how many do they have

so Deku’s dropping them -- very roughly, not sure if he was reacting to finally getting AFO’s location, or if his energy really is giving out -- and now Nagant’s saying that AFO hired other villains as well. well of course he did. gotta keep chipping away at OFA’s ninth successor little by little

now Nagant is asking Hawks how he’s able to keep making “that” face. I assume she’s again talking about the fact that he somehow didn’t let the HPSC wear down his spirit

oh my god???

thanks for stuffing this chapter to the brim with good nutritional Hawks Feels, Horikoshi. what a good. he just keeps on trudging forward undeterred no matter what bullshit comes his way. what a steadfast little guy. I WILL PROTECT YOU FROM DISCOURSE MY SWEET SUNSHINE

lmaoooo

“SPOTTED THIS DUDE JUST CHILLING OUT THERE ON THE ROOF WITH NO ARMS, SEEMED PRETTY SUS” good job Endeavor

anyway so you don’t really need me to tell you that Overhaul is immediately starting in with the “BUT THE BOSS WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO TAKE ME TO THE BOSS YOU PROMISED YOU WOULD TAKE ME TO THE BOSS” stuff again. but I will go ahead and tell you anyway. so yeah. he’s doing that

OMG YOU GUYS LOOK AT DEKU’S “of all the fucking assholes to just randomly drop in on my life once again why did it have to be you” FACE THOUGH, OMG

fun fact, if you go back to chapters 124 through 160, there was an entire story arc where Overhaul imprisoned and tortured a little girl. yeah, I know!! suuuuuuuuper evil. anyways just an interesting little anecdote for you all that’s somewhat relevant to the current situation

OMG, YES. FUCK YES, DEKU

THEN WHAT ABOUT SPARING ONE FOR HER!!! YES!!! EXACTLY!!! JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, SOMEONE GETS IT

HERE’S THE PANEL OF DEKU SAYING THE EXACT SAME THING I’M SAYING LOL

(ETA: so apparently there’s some discourse about this because some people are interpreting this as Deku saying “you should apologize to Eri”, which would obviously be a terrible idea even if Overhaul actually wanted to do that, because Eri shouldn’t ever have to see him again. however I just want to point out that there is a HUGE difference between saying “it would be nice if you could direct that feeling of regret/being sorry towards Eri as well”, vs saying “you should also apologize to her.” all Deku is doing is rightfully pointing out that Overhaul has hurt way more people than just his boss, and if he really is remorseful, then he should extend those feelings of remorse to Eri and the rest as well. it’s not a directive to take any specific action, and I’m 1000% sure no one at U.A. would let Overhaul within 100 miles of Eri ever again.

tl;dr “try feeling remorse sometime” =/= “do you want me to fly you over to U.A. right now to surprise the little girl you traumatized”, lol.)

[slings an arm around Deku’s shoulders] you’re a good kid. I like you. I don’t know if I tell you that enough, but it’s true

meanwhile here is Overhaul’s “spare... a thought... for Eri...???????” face sigh

the struggle is real y’all

(ETA: and that’s... the last we ever saw of Overhaul, I guess? well all right then. I assume Deku will make good on his promise, so we know he’ll get that little bit of closure before going back to jail or whatever, and I confess I’m more than fine with leaving the rest of it open-ended, especially given his character’s history. I think this was pretty generous all things considered.)

lmao holy shit

All Might what did you do to those tiki torch guys?? did you thrash them. did you give ‘em those hands. did you deliver their own asses to them complete with a sticker reminding them Amazon Prime Day is on June 21. we missed out goddammit

so Endeavor, who wasn’t the one he was asking, is telling him that they captured (well let’s be real, Deku captured, give the credit where it’s due) Nagant and Overhaul. and so I guess they’re going to take Nagant to the ER now

fire is no one’s weakness

-- oh my GOD I scrolled down and audibly gasped

[is politely but firmly approached and asked to remove my arm from Deku’s shoulder by the physical manifestation of all this Dekuangst] “we’re sorry, he’s not allowed to have visitors right now” oh shit, my bad. [goes to stand behind a police barricade]

lmao what. did you run out of room on the previous page

what an exaggerated fade to black lmao

-- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I actually can’t see what he’s reacting to so maybe I’m just seriously jumping the gun here lol, but THE HELL WITH IT. the next panel appears to be a cut to Haibori Forest, so I’m just gonna go ahead and declare that Deku ran off on his own all wounded to go have more Dekuangst, just like I manifested. now go call Katsuki goddammit

[scrolls three more inches down] oh

yeah so like I said, Deku is walking very slowly a few feet in front of Endeavor, who’s telling him to wait up. yep. we’ve all gotta be so careful to not just jump to conclusions. I know we’re excited but still

anyway, so! welcome back to Mt. Lady and Kamui Woods (ARE YOU GUYS DATING) and Edgeshot! have fun walking into this obvious trap lol

dammit Deku why are you so determined to tempt fate

[monkey puppet meme faces]

OH MY GOD THIS IS PURE GRADE-A CHEESY COMIC BOOK VILLAIN 101 SHIT AND I’M HERE FOR IT

that’s such a weird way of clapping who claps like that

unlike certain other people who shan’t be named, AFO doesn’t feel the need to inexplicably take his shirt off when recording sinister villain monologues. I think we’re all pretty grateful for that

high fives to everyone who called it!! yep yep

anyway so this whole scene has major booby-trap vibes, which I’m enjoying immensely even though I don’t think anything is really going to come of it lol. probably just another long-winded AFO Speech. but wouldn’t it be funny if like the ceiling started lowering down to try and squish Deku afterwards lol

(ETA: well the explosion was still pretty funny too ngl.)

ffff

[“Dekuangst is the trap” intensifies]

anyway so yeah. he’s just hitting up all of his usual villain talking points. we get it, you’re so smart and you see right through the thin veneers of society and people who don’t conform are left to fend for themselves and labeled as villains and history is written by the victors, and blah blah blah dude are you just jumping randomly from one soundbyte to another lol. literally what are you talking about. what does this have to do with you blowing up Nagant

-- holy shit??

[”Dekuangst is the trap” intensifies MORE?????]

LOL WHAT

BRO. WHAT IS WITH YOU. DON’T YOU KNOW HOW TO LAY ANY OTHER KIND OF FUCKING TRAP GOOD LORD

“YOU’RE NEXT” THE CALLBACK?? THE PARALLELS?? THOUGH WHEN ALL MIGHT POINTED HE MADE IT LOOK WAY COOLER. AFO’S POINTING JUST LOOKS LIKE SMOKEY THE BEAR

HAS ANYONE CHECKED IN ON KAMUI WOODS I HEAR HE IS WEAK TO FIRE?? THE ONLY ONE WHO IS, APPARENTLY

r.i.p. to this particular forest mansion. don’t worry they have a ton of backups

remember last week when I said maybe AFO thinks explosions are gauche. well never mind. he fucking loves explosions

anyway so that’s the end of BnHA, everyone. hope you enjoyed. it was a good ride while it lasted. see you all, good luck in your travels

[readyplayerhobi]

Little Wolf, Pretty Wolf, Your Wolf

; Omega!Jungkook x Alpha!Reader

; Genre: Fluff, smut, angst

; Word Count: 22.3k

; Warnings: Stereotyping, blowjob, penetrative sex, unprotected sex, creampie, knotting, sub!Jungkook, dom!reader, impregnation kink

; Synopsis: An Alpha wolf is supposed to be strong, powerful and bold. A commandeering presence that can rule a pack efficiently. An Omega is supposed to be submissive, quiet and meek. A calming influence and a lucky charm for a pack. But you’re not like a normal Alpha wolf. Just like Jungkook is not a normal Omega wolf.

; A/N: I’m very unsure over this story. We’ve been having troubles but I finally got it finished and out! It’s half proof read...I hope you enjoy. If you do, please reblog and leave me comments, feedback or reviews! Or send in an ask, I’d love to hear your thoughts and opinions :)

-

“Now, what you need to remember is that the Ancient Greek’s weren’t one nation like how we think of them today. They were a collection of city states which were called polis back then. In their times, this was considered a nation on it’s own like the Vatican City or Singapore is today. You might realise that polis is actually still used today in words such as metropolis, which basically means ‘mother city’ as it comes from the Greek word for mother, necropolis which translates to city of the dead basically and so forth.

“The notion of ‘nation’ as we understand it is actually a relatively new concept that has only emerged in the last few centuries so trying to discuss things like a ‘nation’ or a ‘nationality’ is hard. Particularly when we’re talking about ancient civilisations.” You carry on talking, hands gesturing to the interactive whiteboard behind you that currently shows a map of Ancient Greece.

Your students are watching intently, some nodding slightly while a few of them jot down notes in their exercise books or read from their textbook. History was one of those topics that many people found boring but it had always inspired a fire inside you. The desire to learn from the past and incorporate it into the future was strong. Over the course of your own education, you’d also felt it was important to teach and mould the minds of the young with the lessons of the past.

It was why you’d gone into the teaching career, despite the concerns of your parents and everyone around you. Alpha’s like you simply didn’t go into teaching, the aura of power and dominance around them normally too strong for youngsters to cope with.

But you’ve always been a little different to the other Alpha’s you’d known throughout your life. Your wolf was always present and willing to protect when necessary but mostly she was content to lay back and watch the world. While most Alpha wolves were tall and extremely well muscled, a genetic quirk that gave them a visual representation of strength along with the metaphysical one that all wolves could understand, you were of average height and just looked in shape.

Your scent was sweet and pleasant to be around, according to your friends growing up you smelled like the tastiest candy with the slightest hint of rose. That on it’s own was unusual because Alpha’s were supposed to smell like...well an Alpha, power with that hint of earth that reminded everyone of the forest. Instead, you just smelled like a candy shop.

While great for the Delta’s, the general population that made up most packs, or Omega’s, the rarest and most treasured of all wolves, it wasn’t really great for an Alpha. You were the equivalent of a teddy bear instead of a grizzly, which didn’t really mix well with people's expectations.

On the plus side though, it meant that you were excellent at getting through to people because they listened to you first and only if you needed to would you show the aggressive and dominant side of yourself. You may not look or smell like an Alpha, but you were still an Alpha and you liked to make sure some people remembered that.

A sudden movement out of the window in the door to the corridor catches your attention and you continue to speak, only looking in that direction for a moment. The mop of silver hair on the lithe wolf standing outside tells you immediately who it is and you stifle a smile, glancing over at the clock and noting the bell is about to go.

“Okay class, it’s time to end. I want you all to read this chapter and then write a one page essay on any Ancient Greek city state. I want you to try and be creative though, don’t all do Athens and Sparta. There’s plenty out there.” Smiling at them, you watch as they begin to put their stuff away into their bags when the shrill ring of the bell causes you to wince slightly.

You always hated how loud they put it, but you guessed that was the whole point. 

Once everyone has left the classroom, a few of them running to catch the bus that was waiting for them outside, you lean back against the table and let out a deep sigh. That silver mop of hair darts through the door just before it closes and grins at you broadly, his eyes almost disappearing as the roundness of his cheeks takes over.

“Ahh Ancient Greece...your favourite topic.” Jimin says cheerfully, moving over to give you a quick side hug before standing back and looking around. Your big brother was taller than you, though not as tall as any Alpha got. He was a Beta though, so just below you in the pack social hierarchy. He used his height to his advantage in any arguments you had though.

Smiling at him, you nod as you begin to clean up the classroom that teenagers have made messy throughout the day. There’s a whole stack of papers on your desk that need to be taken home and marked, plus a whole new lesson plan to come up with for next week. For now though, you’d just focus on this and be thankful it was the weekend.

Jimin begins to help you, moving through the desks and placing the chairs on top of the tables carefully. He’d come straight from one of his jobs and so is still wearing the oh so stylish black work trousers that have a billion different pockets sewn into them, some of them still filled with items from wherever he’d been. A plain black polo, covered in a few stains from whatever he’d been doing has the logo of his company on the left side.

Your big brother had always been good with his hands and he’d developed a love of manual work when you were younger. Everyone in your family had thought that he’d become a mechanic or something, but he’d surprised you all by becoming a plumber of all things. But he seemed to enjoy it and he’d founded his own company last year, enabling him to take on jobs at his own pace while also taking on another plumber along with an apprentice.

“Have they called about your car?” He asks absentmindedly, throwing the trash that he’d found on the floor into the bin before moving over to wipe your whiteboard clean. You’re putting away some of the books that you’d used earlier in the day before storing the printouts you’d made but you give him a quick nod.

“Yeah, it’s all done. Are you okay to drop me at the garage so I can grab it?” Jimin smiles and nods, giving you a thumbs up as well before hopping up onto your desk. His hands drop between his legs while his feet dangle happily as he watches you.

“That’s fine. I can take you there and then go get some pizza if you want? The job today will pay well and they’ve already signed up to be a repeat customer. Which is exactly what I want as it’s a chain of businesses!” He says excitedly, wiggling in place and you grin at him.

“Awww, that’s so good. Congrats. Told you that you’d do well.” Turning back to the little bookcase you keep in your classroom, you place the final book into its place before standing back and moving over to him. Jimin has that look on his face now and you sigh, knowing where he’s going to go with this already.

“Yeah, I’m doing well. And I think you’re going to do well in the elections too. You just need to actually...get out there and talk to people in the pack. They know of you, but most of them don’t really know you, know you? I mean...you work out here in the city so there’s not really any reason for anyone to get to know you well.” Jimin points out, leaning back on one arm and raising a brow at you.

Sighing again, you look over at him before chewing your lip. “I grew up there and I live there again. How is it that people don’t know me? They’ve known me my whole life. I’m only really doing this because you’re adamant on it and think I’ll have a chance, which I think is stupid by the way.”

The pack leadership elections were going to be in less than a year and the candidates had already put their name forward for consideration a month ago. You’d been one of those to enter your name and had been confirmed as a potential candidate only a week ago.

Unsurprisingly, only Alpha’s could enter the pack leadership contests because Alpha’s had the required inherent characteristics that allowed them to lead. They needed to be strong enough to cope with everyone’s demands, empathetic enough to listen to people, diplomatic enough to make decisions about people’s problems and tough enough to defend the pack if necessary.

You didn’t think you really had the required skills given your unusual nature, but Jimin thought you’d make a good leader. Family and friends had thrown their weight behind you too and so you’d found yourself submitting your name, wondering what on earth you were doing.

The idea of you being the Pack Alpha was ridiculous, but you knew that you were going to receive a lot of stigma and hate because of your differences to a regular Alpha. On top of that, there had also been the creeping misogyny that had been spreading throughout the wolf world in recent decades, in direct contrast to the humans, which meant that many of the old schoolers in the pack were beginning to look down on a female Alpha.

It was all bullshit and everyone knew it. That was actually one of the reasons you’d gone along with it, because if you somehow did win then you’d love to be able to rub it into all of their sexist noses that you’d beaten their little boys. Petty? Yes. But you had to do what you had to do.

“Yeah, you grew up there. And we both live there. But you also went to the other side of the country for five years to go to college. They remember the baby Y/N, the teenage Y/N. Most of the folk in town don’t even recognise you. It’s only when they scent you that they realise it’s you. You went away and became all cultured with the university elites, became friends with other wolf packs and even other shifters. Most of the people in our pack have never seen another shifter breed or even left the state. They don’t know you anymore and you need to show them.” The look on your brother’s face is incredibly serious and you let out a groan that ends in a whine.

It’s very unbecoming for an Alpha but you don’t care. The idea of having to ingratiate yourself with a lot of people who would likely laugh at you for the very idea of thinking you could be Pack Alpha makes you want to throw something. But you know he’s right.

Jimin’s always right, unfortunately.

“Fine. Fine. What do I do? Go and knock on everyone’s doors? Hold a party? A meet and greet? Come, meet the pack’s weird Alpha and vote for her to your leader!” You make an overly exaggerated gesture as you talk, walking towards him and he rolls his eyes in response.

“Just...become a bigger part of society. Join some of the groups, come with us on pack hunts or runs. It’s easy. I don’t get hugely involved but everyone still knows who I am. I swear, you’ll be able to do it. And if you get to be our Pack Alpha, then you can start to make all those changes that you rant to me about regularly.” He shifts off the table at that, stretching his arms back until you can see the toned muscles of his abdomen.

Reaching out, you poke at them hard and he lets out a soft whine as he recoils forwards, arm covering himself before pouting at you. You grin and ruffle his hair, leading to even more complaints before he escapes your grasp.

“Those aren’t rants! They’re issues that need to get sorted out! I mean...you know that I thought this place was a little backwards when we were growing up here but moving away and coming back? God, you wouldn’t believe it.” Jimin grabs your bag from beneath your desk, placing it onto your desk before carefully putting your stuff into it.

You don’t go to stop him or anything, you trust Jimin with your personal belongings. The two of you live together in an apartment in the town you’d both grown up in, the ancestral homeland of your pack. It was partly to save on money for rent and utilities and partly just because you both liked being around each other.

Unlike other families in your pack where having four or more kids was normal, your parents had only been able to have you and Jimin. And it had taken six years for you to come into the world after Jimin. So despite the age difference, you were both close and adored each other.

“I do believe it. Because you tell me it’s true and I know you wouldn’t lie to me. Plus, you know I think there’s a lot of people in our pack that need to come into the 21st century. Some of them make me think they don’t even know what electricity is. And this is all why I think you’d make the best leader for us. Someone to modernise us finally and stop making us just look like the little backwater pack still stuck in the 18th century. I know we can do it, we have good wolves in our pack and there’s probably a lot who think like us but just don’t want to rock the boat.” Handing you your bag, he waits out in the corridor as you do a final sweep before turning off the lights and leaving.

“Yeah...you’re right. God yeah, you’re right about it. I’m trying to teach my kids here about the mistakes that were made in the past so that they know not to repeat them but I should try more with our pack too. And then...then I can make sure that our kids learn better and how to be better right?” Jimin grins broadly and hugs you to him, kissing your forehead sweetly tickling your sides until you growl gently.

“Yep. So...Operation Leader is a go.”

-

Humming lightly, you looked over the basket of potatoes that was on display in your local supermarket. It was your turn to do the grocery shopping, which was why you were stocking up on all the vegetables that Jimin turned his nose up at half the time. Sometimes you felt like you were living with a child but he always ate them eventually.

Tonight you were going to make lasagne and garlic bread, one of Jimin’s favourite meals. It was incredibly easy to make and you’d found yourself craving it as well, realising it had been a month or so since you’d last had it. And given Jimin was going to be home tonight, you’d decided it was time to make the cheesiest lasagne possible.

You might even indulge and make the garlic bread cheesy too. It was more than an indulgence really, because you would happily cover it all in cheese until it made you sick. Jimin wasn’t a huge fan of it though, so you knew that you’d have to limit it.

Picking up a tomato, you squeeze it experimentally to see how fresh it is before nodding and placing it inside the little net bag you’d brought for the vegetables. Fresh herbs go in as well and you get enough vegetables to make a hearty stew tomorrow, figuring that if you make a big enough pot then you can freeze some for the future and let both Jimin and you take some for lunch at work.

It’s only when you walk towards the dairy aisle, intent on grabbing a bottle of milk and deciding upon which cheese to liberally accentuate your lasagne and garlic bread with, that you accidentally knock into someone. A small ‘oof’ leaves your mouth as you wobble slightly, dropping the bag of prunes that you’d grabbed as you’d passed the end of the fruit aisle.

“I’m so sor-” You paused, brow creasing as a delicious scent fills your nose. Inhaling deeply, you take it in with wide eyes as your inner wolf growls lowly, her instincts immediately roused to life by the smell. Omega, she rumbles to you and you immediately get the biggest urge to press yourself to this newcomer.

The reaction from you isn’t surprising, given what you know of Omega’s. You’d never encountered one before, not until now, but everyone grows up learning of Omega’s. They were the rarest kind of wolf and a pack with an Omega present was considered to be exceptionally lucky.

Due to their rareness, an Omega was often treasured and deeply adored by the rest of the pack. They were to be protected at all costs, with the entire pack often banding together to ensure that they were okay. The reason for this was that Omega’s were considered to be the most submissive in a pack, naturally weak and timid along with being passive. It was a pack’s duty therefore to protect their Omega.

So you were beyond surprised that you’d encountered one in the supermarket of all places.

Shifting backwards slightly, you turn and pick up the packet of prunes before grabbing the tin of tomato soup that’s rolling your way. Standing back up, you hold out the tin to the Omega before pausing, your eyes going even wider as you look up.

He’s taller than you, a lot taller when combining what must be his natural height with the thick sole of what look like combat style boots. And he’s broad, his shoulders wide and accentuated by the black leather jacket he’s wearing, the silver embellishments of the buttons shining in the light.

Skinny jeans in black adorn his thighs and you can’t help the way your eyes drag over them, in awe of how...tight his jeans are. Especially when combined with the fact that this Omega evidently does some serious workouts given how thick and muscular his thighs are. In fact, how muscular everything looks.

His white shirt doesn’t give much away to you, but you have no doubt that if his legs look like that then the rest of him must look quite similar. Long, wavy hair is messed around his face, the strands wild and dark as they cover part of his eyes.

And it’s here that you discover the only part of him that looks like what you’d imagined an Omega would look like. Because right now, they’re wide open with shock and you freeze at the sight of them, the inner instincts that have been bred into you over centuries roaring to the fore and telling you to protect.

His eyes are filled with innocence and a tiny hint of fear, almost as if he’s afraid of what you might do. To any onlooker, that might look comical given how tiny you look in comparison to him. But his scent gives away the difference, because despite how...non-Omega he looks...he is still an Omega.

Which means if you wanted to, you could make him bow at your feet in submission as you forced a wave of dominance towards him. It wasn’t something you liked doing as it often felt like an assault on the receiver and you felt gross doing it. Some Alpha’s abused their ability, finding it amusing to lord their status over others.

But you only used it how it was meant to be used. When you were faced with someone who was refusing to follow the rules and putting others at risk. It was the only time you felt was acceptable to use that power, in order to save others.

So the fact he was looking at you like that made you pause, confusion making you hesitate as you wondered if maybe he thought you were going to force him to do something. And you realised that he’d probably be right if he’d met anyone else. There were plenty of asshole Alpha’s that you knew that would be pleased to play with an Omega, despite the reverence that a pack held for them.

Gesturing towards him with the tin, you give him a sweet smile as he takes it from you carefully, the way his fingers carefully avoid yours almost comical. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t see you or I would’ve moved out of the way.”

He doesn’t answer, his brow creasing in confusion as his eyes scan over you. You can’t help but watch those eyes in complete fascination, they’re so naturally big and you feel a strong urge to protect him. Not because he’s an Omega, but purely because he looks like someone with an innate curiosity that you don’t want to see die.

His nose twitches ever so slightly as he inhales deeply before speaking. “Why do you smell like that?”

You know what he means. An Alpha is supposed to smell earthy and musky, to remind a wolf of their forest homelands from centuries ago. It inspires confidence and trust, yet you smell sweet and gentle. Jimin said that you often smelled like he’d walked into a candy store.

This Omega though, he smells like an Alpha should. His strong scent is so reminiscent of the pine trees that grow in the forests around the town you’d grown up in, the only reason you know he’s an Omega is that genetic knowledge that distinguishes that part of his scent that’s different. It amuses you that you’ve found someone as contradictory in their nature as you.

“Why do you smell like that?” You counter, lips quirked up on one side in amusement as you tilt your head to look him over once more. A true contradiction of everything. Now you can understand why people find it hard to understand you.

He doesn’t respond, just stares at you with that same confusion that everyone always gives you. Only it seems a little stronger now, causing you to laugh slightly as you shake your head. “Well, it was nice to meet you, but I really have to finish my shopping and go. I hope you enjoy the rest of your day.”

Turning away from him, you continue onto the dairy aisle as you ponder what you’ve just said. You’re naturally nice as an Alpha, always polite and helpful to anyone who asks it. As someone running for the pack leadership, you’d resolved to be even more helpful from now on in order to try and help. Jimin had said it was a good idea, and you’d long ago discovered that it was easier to just go along with whatever he says instead of questioning it.

Questioning it would just lead to him whining.

But you’d felt the need to be extra nice to the Omega, almost as if to prove that you were not like other Alpha’s. Which was ridiculous, because why on earth would you care to prove that? You’d never even seen the Omega before, and you doubted that you’d see him again. They were so rare that you doubted it would be long before some Alpha snapped him up as a mate.

Pursing your lips, you hum to yourself in thought before shrugging and carrying on. You’d discuss this more with Jimin later. No doubt your brother would be fascinated to find out what you’d discovered today.

-

Jimin turns up in the kitchen within two minutes of you getting home, his curious expression ever so familiar as he tries to peer into all the bags. You don’t know why he’s so interested as he knows that you always buy the healthier food compared to him. Whether or not his card has ever seen a vegetable remains a mystery known only to him and the universe.

“Oooh, lasagne?” He says excitedly as you pull out the familiar items that make up his favourite meal. Grinning at him as you place the perishable items into the fridge and begin organising everything else, you nod.

“Yeah, I thought it’d be nice to have since you’re home tonight. I’m gonna try and make it so that I make one side be overloaded with cheese while the other side is more normal for you.” Your stomach gurgles at the thought and Jimin snorts in amusement, taking one of the apples that you’d bought and biting into it eagerly.

He may not be fond of vegetables, but you knew that he loved fruit.

“I fully expect you to make a mac n cheese lasagne one day. No meat or anything.” Jimin says, sitting down at the table as he watches you finish putting everything away before you turn on the oven to preheat.

Your nose wrinkles at his words and you shake your head in response, taking the minced beef out of its packet and into a saucepan before turning on the hob. Waiting for it to heat up so you can brown the minced meat, you turn to making the sauce for the lasagne.

“No way. I may love cheese but that’s because it can make the lasagne go all lovely and crispy. Mmm. I do enjoy the meat too.” Lips pursing, you take the juicy tomatoes that you’d bought to make the sauce and look at it for a moment, memory suddenly sparking.

“Hey Jimin...when I was at the supermarket...I bumped into an Omega there? It was really weird, I didn’t even think the pack had an Omega or anything. But like...he didn’t smell like one properly, nor did he look like what I imagined an Omega would.” The tone of your voice is wondering and Jimin can tell that you’re going through scenarios in your head.

He lets out a long noise as he considers for a moment before making a small ‘ahh’ sound. “That was probably Jeon Jungkook. You remember him? Or...remember of him?”

Nodding slowly, you frown as you try to think back to when you’d been younger and you’d heard of the stories of him.

“Yeah but I thought he, like, never left his house. Weren’t his parents super overprotective of him? He got homeschooled and everything right?” Jimin shrugs in response, biting into his apple once more and chewing carefully.

“He did. I think they did it so he wouldn’t get bugged by any Alpha’s or anything. I mean...your reaction right now is telling me that was probably a good reason and you’re one of the best Alpha’s I know. But he’s spent the last year living on his own, away from his parents. I think he’s trying to gain more independence and experience the world in a safer way or something. I see him occasionally around town. Not really what you expect of an Omega, huh?” That makes you laugh as you nod.

“The man is built like a truck. Honestly, I think he could probably take on most Alpha’s and win. He didn’t say much to me. He bumped into me and I gave him back his soup. In fact, all he said to me was ‘why do you smell like that?’ to which I asked him the same thing. He smells like an Alpha should smell, only with the overlay of Omega. He was very brusque, almost confrontational.” You ponder that as you turn the meat over, evenly browning it all before setting a second saucepan on the hob.

“Well, that’s understandable. I mean...he gets accosted by a lot of the Alpha’s and Beta’s who see him around town. The whole stereotype of Omega’s means that they think they can basically bully him into hanging out with them or...doing stuff with him. I think he’s probably been given a ridiculous number of mating requests and he’s turned them all down. Despite what many wolves think, apparently Omega’s are not as submissive as they’re stereotyped to be.” His voice gets light at that and you can practically hear the irony in it, knowing that Jimin probably severely disapproves of how Jungkook is treated.

It makes sense though, he’s grown up seeing how people have mistreated you because of how you don't adhere to the stereotypes of a traditional Alpha. Hearing that about Jungkook makes you feel angry though, almost resentful of everyone else in the pack who make Jungkook’s very existence a likely chore to him.

“Well that’s just rude. He’s still a person, a wolf with his own mind and abilities. Why are they so mean to him? I mean...I’m the least Alpha you’ve ever seen but it doesn’t mean I’m not an Alpha, you know? This is what I mean I say the pack is so ridiculous and outdated! It’s just gross. Why are they so bigoted and small minded? There’s no one way to be an Alpha and there’s no one way to be an Omega. Jungkook and I both show that. There’s nothing wrong either of us.” You say vehemently, grip tightening on the large plastic spoon in your hand.

Your argument makes Jimin laugh lightly, causing you to glare at him until he holds his hands up in defence, one hand holding an apple core. “Hey, hey. I agree. I fully support Jungkook being an ass to everyone if they’re being an ass to him in turn. See, this is why you need to win the leadership! So that then everyone can see how stupid they’re all being and backwards!”

That makes you groan loudly, eyes rolling to the ceiling as your head tilts back. You don’t even look over at Jimin as he deposits the core into the bin and makes his way over to the door frame. Your defeated expression makes him chuckle though.

“Jimin, I swear, every conversation with you better not end with you bugging me about this stupid fucking leadership competition. If it does, I promise that I stick this spoon up your damn ass.” You threaten, lifting the spoon threateningly as he laughs even louder.

-

Licking the ice cream that remains on top of the cone you’d bought, you let out a little happy noise before grinning over at Sana. She’s eating her own ice cream, only she’s already onto the cone now and you snort in amusement. Salted caramel was her downfall and you’d known immediately which flavour she was going to pick when you’d both headed into the small, family owned ice cream parlour in town.

It had been years since you’d been in there, long before you’d headed off to college and part of you had been surprised that it was still going. Mainly because it seemed that in this day and age, a lot of smaller stores like this seemed to die off as bigger conglomerates took over.

There was a Baskin Robbins just on the outskirts of town so it was impressive to see just how busy and popular the old ‘50s themed parlour still was. And also kind of nice, to see people still doing well in the pack while the pack supported them in turn.

They’d upped their game since you’d left though and now offered a ridiculously large range of flavours to match the national chain that had opened up while also expanding their range of milkshakes and smoothies in turn. And that was to say nothing of the cakes, cookies and other baked delights they’d invented.

Sana swore that it was the best place in town when you’d agreed to meet up with her today, praising it to the heavens. You were both just going to chill out and do a little shopping in the smaller, more boutique stores that your town had to offer while catching up on everything.

She was your best friend from childhood and when you’d gone off to college, she’d chosen to stay behind to attend the college in the closest city. It had allowed her to attain her degree in law and she was now working towards the bar, while interning at the only law firm in town. Quite obviously, it specialised in wolf law and inter-species relations and Sana had been determined to be a part of the law network around here.

Understandable, given her mother was a human and her father a Beta wolf. Their relationship hadn’t been entirely well received by the pack, yet another reason you felt spurred on to enter the leadership contest as it was another example of the pack being outdated. Human-wolf relations were completely normal when you’d been in college, the city you’d been living in cosmopolitan and liberal.

Perhaps it was too much of you to expect your small town to be more open, but you were determined to try. For wolves like you, Sana and Jungkook.

Bumping into her gently, you smile softly before taking the final lick of what remained of the ice cream in your cone. You’d picked your old favourite, chocolate chip mint, and had enjoyed every bit of it.

“Mmm, this was a good choice. It tastes even better than when I last went there.” Sana grins brightly, her face lighting up with happiness at the combination of the ice cream and just being with you again. It felt good to hang out with her and you were determined to spend more time with her now that you were living here once more.

“I know right? I mean, it was good five years ago but that Baskin Robbins has really made them up their game. Along with the general like for more flavours now. And thank goodness they decided to invest in learning how to make a salted caramel flavour because I swear, I go here once a week for this stuff.” She sighs dreamily before eating the last bit of her cone, licking her fingers in an attempt to make sure she got all the flavour before pouting dramatically.

Chuckling, you carefully bite your own cone before licking at the remnants of mint ice cream that cling to the inside. “Do they sell tubs? They should, it’d be a good business venture. They could even stock them in the stores here. People would buy it.”

Immediately, Sana’s eyes go wide with excitement as her jaw drops.

“Oh my god, yes they should! Why have they never thought of that? That's the best idea ever. We need to suggest it to them, they have a suggestion box and I would like to have my entire freezer filled with delicious salted caramel ice cream. Oooh, and the cookies and cream. And the pecan ice cream! Oh, and the pistachio!” Snorting, you shake your head as you finish your own cone and push her arm lightly in amusement.

“It’s a good thing you’re a wolf with a wolf’s metabolism because I don’t know how you’d keep that figure otherwise. Honestly. Does your fridge or pantry even have any food that doesn’t contain sugar?” You tease her gently, smiling as she scoffs and rolls her eyes.

“Of course. There’s water. That’s the perfect remedy for when I’ve indulged in too much wine.” Amused, you look away from her to the window of the store you’re both passing. Sana hadn’t changed much since you were both eighteen and you were thankful for it. She was still the happy, bubbly girl you’d been friends with for years, only now she has a veneer of adulthood about her.

Hopefully you were the same.

“You know, I can see why Jimin started dating you. You both have the eating habits of a five-year-old. If it wasn’t for me, I’m not sure Jimin would even know what a vegetable looks like. And I mean any vegetable.” That gets Sana smiling as you mention your big brother, and her boyfriend of two years.

The two of them had started dating in your final year of college. It hadn’t been too surprising as you’d known that Sana always had a little crush on Jimin but you’d been surprised that Jimin had reciprocated it. He’d always been steadfastly avoidant of anything that could potentially encourage a crush with your friends when growing up, which you’d definitely appreciated.

But apparently they’d come across each other a few times in your small town and one thing had led to another. They weren’t mated yet or anything, but you had a sneaking suspicion that it was only a matter of time. Jimin never did anything quickly, always taking his time to be as sure as possible before doing anything. It’s what made him a good plumber with a 100% success rate.

You had no doubt that Sana probably appreciated it as well, as being mated would mean they would have a higher chance of creating pups. And you knew damn well that Sana had big dreams for her career before starting a family. Not that she wouldn’t welcome them into her life, but you were pleased that they were both taking things slowly still.

“I don’t know, I’ve seen him with a cucumber before.” Frowning, you look away from the display of the latest book releases and over at her. You were about to ask her a question when you recognised the sly look of mischief on her face and you gagged loudly, turning away and back to the display.

In the window, you could see your expression of pure disgust. “Sana. That is my brother! I do not want to...oh god, ew. Ewwww.”

Sana’s high pitched giggle takes over as she enters the bookstore, her pure amusement at your horror causing you to smile despite the gross image you’d just had ingrained in your mind. That was the last time you were ever buying cucumber for the apartment.

The scent of fresh books welcomes as you enter the store and you instantly relax, closing your eyes to take a deep inhale. You’d always loved books and reading, it had been a strong passion of yours which was why you’d taken a dual subject degree; English literature and history. Your master’s degree had been in teaching, meaning that you were qualified to teach both English and history in the school you worked at.

Books were one of the most important things in the world to you as they not only informed and passed on the knowledge that people had gained over the centuries, even millennia, but they also opened up entirely new worlds to positively millions of people around the world. There was no world too big when it came to books and you felt passionately about encouraging everyone to read and indulge, whether they loved a bodice ripping romance or the autobiography of a popular sports star.

Sana tugged at your arm as she directed you towards the shelves of the popular novels, both of you scanning over them quietly. Reading had been a passion of you both and your parents had always been amused to sometimes come into your room when you were younger to find you both reading separately, the only thing making any noise was the stereo that played your favourite songs.

“You heard of anything good coming out?” You ask idly, crouching down to examine the history section and pursing your lips when you see an interesting book on the history of Ancient Mesopotamia. Flipping it over, you read the blurb intently before standing with it firmly in your hand.

“Not really, I think I’m just in the mood for something really light though. Easy to pick up and read for ten minutes or so at night.” She says, pulling out a copy of Neil Gaiman’s American Gods. You take in the cover before laughing and taking it from her, putting it back in its place. 

“That is not the book you want then. Trust me, you have to read that book like, twice, to even understand what happened. Hmm...I’d recommend this, I have read it and it’s got a few sequels so you’ll be able to sink your teeth into it.” You hand her a copy of The Last Wish by Andrzej Sapkowski. “It’s a series called The Witcher, they made some games from it and there’s a Netflix show out too. You’ll enjoy it.”

Sana makes an interested noise and reads over the back before nodding in approval, giving you a smile of thanks before wandering off to her favourite genre section of the store. She’d always been a sucker for the fiction books with a particular love of crime and thriller. No surprise really, given her career choice.

Smiling, you make your own way over to the non-fiction section. You would read anything but you really enjoyed your history, autobiographies or memoirs. Tilting your head, you scan over the titles carefully before pulling out a book called Educated by Tara Westover. It only takes a quick scan over the blurb to see that it’s something that interests you and you add it to your small pile before continuing to look.

“Are you stalking me or something?” Comes a deep voice to your right, the sound so low and unexpected that you jolt in surprise, a hand coming to rest on your chest as a noise leaves you. It’s probably not a very Alpha-like response but honestly, what did he expect when jumping up on you like that? He was lucky you hadn’t responded the other way and tried to rip his throat out.

Turning quickly, you go to snap at the intruder and pause, eyes having to scan upwards to meet him. You’re so surprised at who it is that you take a step backwards, any irritance you might have had vanishing as you take in the sight of Jeon Jungkook standing before you.

Today, he’s got an oversized black hoodie covering his entire torso while black cargo pants adorn his legs, the numerous pockets looking empty and meeting the same boots he’d been wearing the other week. You take all of that in within seconds, brows narrowing inwards as you try to understand how you’ve come across him again.

“I’m not stalking you. I’m buying books. What does it look like I’m doing?” The words fall from your lips before you even run through them mentally, causing them to come out simultaneously belligerent and confused. 

Jungkook’s beautiful eyes narrow slightly at you and his free hand pushes his hair out of his face, his surprisingly soft looking lips going particularly pouty. You take the moment to admire how clear his skin looks, the crappy lighting of the store making him probably look worse than he actually does. Which is impressive, because he already looks monumentally handsome.

“Well I don’t know. Wouldn’t be the first time an Alpha stalked me.” He grumbles, glaring at you before turning to face the bookcase. It’s almost with amusement that you note he doesn’t even look at the spine of the book he grabs, instead just pulling it out immediately.

Brow rising, you bit your lip to try and stop your smile. “So...got an interest in the history of sex hmm? Not really something I’d try and teach my students but it’s always good to have more information.”

You can’t help it, not when you see the obscenely large pink text that clearly states ‘A Curious History of Sex’ on the front cover. Of all the books he could’ve picked out, he managed to grab that one. And you think he’s probably mentally thinking that too by the way his cheeks flush the prettiest pink, even his ears going red with heat as he lets out a sigh and quickly shoves it back into place.

“Shut up,” The growl he gives is actually kind of impressive. “Of all the fucking books. Of course you picked out a sex book with an Alpha next to you.” He mutters quietly to himself, rolling his eyes and actually taking the time to read the spines this time. You’re kind of impressed that he gave you an order, particularly given the unfortunate stereotype of Omega’s. Evidently, there were a lot of things that were exaggerated.

Silence falls between you both and you sigh this time, eyeing him out of the corner of your eye. His raised shoulders indicate that he clearly wants nothing to do with you, but you feel a deep and innate need to say something to him.

“Hey...Jungkook. I know you probably don’t want to talk to me and I swear I’ll leave after this. Or at least...go to another part of the store. First of all, I know your name because my brother told me about you. I’ve not been in town for a few years. And second of all...I know it’s probably not much but...I’m really sorry about how you’ve probably been treated over the years. As you can probably tell, I’m not really like other Alpha’s so I’ve been on the receiving end of some negative treatment too and I know how cruel wolves can be. I just...I’m sorry for anyone who has stereotyped you and felt they had some right to you as a result. It’s probably not a lot but I hate that you felt the need to say that to me.” 

Taking a deep breath, you give him a hesitant smile before carefully stepping away from him. It was probably pointless that you’d done that, and he would probably laugh at your idiotic behaviour lately. You knew Jimin sure would. Why the hell would Jungkook care if one Alpha apologised for the bad treatment he’s received for years? Particularly given you’re the least Alpha-like wolf out there.

But Jungkook is staring at you intently, his eyes narrow not in anger or suspicion but careful thought. His lips purse slightly before he licks them, his body posture loosening up slightly as he relaxes a little.

“You’re not like other Alpha’s are you? I mean, besides from the whole being tiny and smelling sweet thing,” He gestures to all of you at that, causing you to give a smile of amusement to let him know you’ve taken no offence. “You’re the first Alpha that’s ever apologised to me. For anything really, and you haven’t even done anything to warrant the apology.”

Chewing on your lip, you play the books in your hands before shrugging at him.

“Yeah well, no one ever apologised to me for all the comments they’ve made over the years. Not sure if I’d like to accept one either but I at least like the thought of someone trying to apologise. Won’t help everything that’s happened but it’s a start, you know?” You offer the words to him gently, hoping that he’ll understand why you felt the need to apologise to him.

He was right, in that you hadn’t done anything to offend him so far. You hadn’t said anything rude or negative to him, you hadn’t stalked or pursued him. In fact, the very idea of it was absolutely abhorrent. Sure, he smelled delicious and you had the biggest urge to press yourself to him and preen but you wouldn’t do it. You were an Alpha, and Alpha’s were supposed to have the best control.

Jungkook pauses slightly before nodding, running his hand through his hair once more. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. Does feel a little nice to get some form of apology I guess. But you didn’t need to. You’re the first Alpha to not try to bully me into submitting to them or obeying them. I’ve even had a few try to force me into sex. In fact, I think the only time I’ve ever smelled your dominance was when I just scared you. And that was my fault, so I’m sorry.”

Grinning, you nod your head at him in acceptance and casually reach to the bookcase, grabbing a book about the history of the British SAS and adding it to your pile. You don’t even need to read the blurb, already knowing that you’d enjoy it and Jungkook eyes your books curiously.

“I don’t like making people submit to me if they don’t want to. It’s cruel and demeaning. We only have that power so that it’s used in dire circumstances. Anyone doing it to you is an asshole and you should tell them that. Or...well...think it at them, don’t do anything that might get you hurt,” Pausing, you frown over at him as you feel your heart expand in sympathy while a fire of anger burns in your stomach. “And I certainly don’t force people into sex with me. There’s a legal definition for that, and the act is most definitely illegal. Anyone does that, or tries it, I hope you report them because that’s disgusting.”

The vehemence in your voice is strong and firm, causing Jungkook to back away ever so slightly, his eyes widening as you accidentally let slip of your control. But you see no fear in his eyes, because it was quite clear that your anger was not directed towards him. In fact, it was more of a protective anger, an anger that he’d possibly been hurt or scared.

Still though, you don’t like the fact that you’d slipped and you bow your head, apologising quickly to him. He doesn’t say anything and you take a deep breath, calming yourself down before giving him a very neutral smile.

“I think it’s probably time for me to go now, I’ve got enough for my bookcase and my friend is waiting for me. It was nice to meet you Jungkook and I hope that whenever we meet next, you can feel a little more comfortable with me. And that you don’t terrify me at the start.” That gets a laugh from him, the sound high and lou. You end up laughing in turn, your own laugh quieter and more gentle.

Turning from him, you go to head over to the cashier before you feel a slight pressure on your arm. Pausing, you realise that it’s Jungkook before you even turn around, his delightful scent surrounding you so much that you can’t help but close your eyes and take a deep breath. Combined with the heavenly scent of books, you’re not sure you’ve ever smelled anything better.

Shifting until you’re facing him, you see Jungkook’s face looking a little nervous. His eyes glance about, almost as if he was checking to see if there was anyone around and you wonder what he wanted from you.

Finally though, he gestures down to the phone in his hand that he points towards you, the screen open to a new contact page. Glancing back up with a raised eyebrow, you have to seriously fight to stop the smile that wants to spread when you realise that his cheeks are pink once more.

“I’m sorry if this is...a little forward or anything but, is there any chance you might be okay with giving me your number?” He smiles at that, his white teeth perfect and straight in his mouth as his eyes positively light up with the same mischief you see in Jimin sometimes. “I think I’d like to get to know you a bit more...if you’re okay with that?”

You’re positive that your jaw has dropped and you desperately want to shove it back into place, feeling that you were probably being a little rude. Okay, a lot rude. But seriously, Jungkook had just asked for your number. An Omega, who had a clear dislike of Alpha’s for a good reason, had asked for your number.

Carefully, you eye him and realise he’s being completely serious. There’s a small delay between you realising this and your hand moving forward to take the smartphone from him, your fingers carefully typing in your name and number.

“Okay, if you’re sure.” Handing back the phone, he glances down at the screen and smiles softly.

“I think so. It was nice meeting you Y/N. I’ll talk to you soon.”

-

It had been over two months since that day at the bookstore, when you’d experienced how...non-Omega like Jeon Jungkook was. And he’d continued to surprise you ever since. He was bold when you expected submissive, arrogant where you’d been told to expect meekness and so much more. 

You were thoroughly delighted by how contradictory he was and enjoyed testing the limits with him. He seemed to enjoy it too, given how he let you push at his boundaries while he in turn pushed at your own experimentally. It was an odd give-and-take with him, something you’d never experienced before and you were finding yourself increasingly enamoured with him.

Not that you were going to tell him that of course. The last you wanted was for him to feel like there was yet another Alpha pressuring him for anything. But it was just hard to not develop any feelings for him when he was so sweet and kind.

The two of you had texted frequently for the first two weeks before you’d met up at a local café, learning how to translate that easy going conversation via text into face-to-face conversation. You’d learnt how to though, carefully navigating the intricacies of a friendship with an Omega.

Jungkook could often be abrasive and sometimes took things to heart. A simple sentence from you that had no negative implications would be misunderstood by him to the extent that you were sometimes left wondering if you’d said something bad. And then he’d apologise, his cheeks red as he’d admit that it had been him who has misinterpreted you.

It was the strangest friendship you’d ever had, yet also one that you’d grown to love. Jungkook had a big heart beneath all his overly large, black clothing and his blunt personality. You had certainly enjoyed discovering that, finding out all the ways that made him smile in that soft and shy way, how to make him laugh in the overly sweet giggle that made your heart race a little.

Tonight he had come over to your apartment with the promise of freshly made Greek food and a night of watching Locke and Key on Netflix. You’d both watched the first episode independently before deciding that you’d watch it together when Jimin and Sana had shown no interest. Which meant that tonight, you would hopefully both blitz through the rest of the series in one go.

Of course, Jungkook wasn’t going to turn down food. Especially free food. So he’d happily said yes and had been a surprisingly good help in the kitchen as you’d shown him how to help prepare the food. Right now, your stomach was pretty content and happy; full of pork souvlaki, dolmades made of hollowed out and stuffed tomatoes with a whole array of delicious sides including homemade tzatziki and fresh olives. 

The dessert had been a store made baklava, because you weren’t quite willing to put your talents as far as making that. But it had been just as delightful and you knew that Jungkook had enjoyed every mouthful. In fact, he’d probably wanted more when he’d realised there was no more souvlaki left. He’d even eaten all the salad.

And now you were both sitting on the couch, your feet curled under you as your belly protested ever so slightly from being filled with so much food and a glass of red wine in your hand. Jungkook had a bottle of beer and you were surprised by how...domestic it all felt really.

Jimin wasn’t home tonight, he was spending the night with Sana and had given you a very peculiar look when you’d told him that you wouldn’t go with him because Jungkook was coming over. Normally, you’d spend a few hours at Sana’s before heading back home and leaving them both alone to enjoy each other.

Your brother had met Jungkook over the last few weeks. Even become quite friendly with him. Jungkook’s own friends, Kim Taehyung and Kim Namjoon had slowly become friends with both you and your brother as well. They were both Delta’s, the general population of a pack, and so were completely harmless to Jungkook thankfully.

It had been particularly amusing when you’d met them to see how protective they were over the Omega. Especially given the fact that as an Alpha, you were the top rank out of them all. But their hackles had slowly gone down as they’d gotten to know you better and realised that you had no intention of pushing your will on any of them, particularly Jungkook.

All of you had gone out to the city one day, checking out the giant shopping mall there and even playing around in the old school arcade that they had. Jungkook and you had engaged in more than one round of the classic Time Crisis, both of you yelling whenever you died and had to feed more money into the machine. The others had stood around watching for a while before moving off to play the basketball game. 

After that, you’d both devoured fully stacked cheeseburgers and a portion of large fries before drowning them in a large cookie dough milkshake. It had been fun and had almost felt like a date, if there hadn’t also been Jungkook’s two friends with you along with Jimin and Sana.

Thankfully, the presence of an Alpha and two Beta’s had prevented anyone from trying anything funny with Jungkook, leaving him to simply enjoy the day out. And you were beyond happy that had been his experience so far with you every time you’d both gone out together. Your mere presence as an Alpha kept others at bay.

Despite how easy everything was being tonight, you felt a little funny and strange. Jimin had made a casual comment the other day about how your scent seemed to change when Jungkook was around, taking on an almost earthy scent while Jungkook’s in turn became sweeter. You thought it was just because you were near someone who was awakening the primal instincts in you, and vice versa with Jungkook.

That had got you a droll stare.

But you would have to admit that being like this, sitting with him and his warmth being so close to your own while his scent overwhelmed you so delightfully, made you feel happy and content. A small voice in the back of your mind was telling you what it was, what it all meant. But you didn’t want to acknowledge that voice, didn’t want to let it gain ground in your mind.

What you had with Jungkook was good right now. It was solid, surprisingly stable given the short amount of time you’d known him and how drastically different both of your backgrounds were. Though you couldn’t help but think.

Okay, if you were being entirely honest with yourself then you wanted Jungkook. You wanted to date him, to hold his hand and make him smile. Kiss his cheek and his nose, feel all of that strong body beneath his clothes, feel his hands on you while you run your hands along him, learn the taste of his mouth and…

Shaking your head, you try to push those thoughts out of your mind before your scent changes in a way that even Jungkook is going to notice. Taking a deep swallow of wine, you point at the screen while scoffing loudly.

“Is it just me, or are these kids taking all this weirdness in their stride way too easily? Like, oh look! A key opens a mirror world where you can get lost and die! Nothing weird there. Casual day in their lives.” Jungkook snorts, grinning as he takes a drink. 

“They do seem to be quite calm about this whole thing. I mean, I’d be freaking the fuck out if that was me. Taking the first train to Nopeville and stopping at Hell the Fuck No City on the way.” Laughing, you press your face into his shoulder. He had the strangest humour sometimes.

Jungkook particularly liked those old school ‘90s comedy films or early 2000s. He’d already made you watch Dumb and Dumber along with Clerks, Happy Gilmore and Dodgeball. You’d admit to enjoy Dodgeball, okay so maybe you’d laughed particularly hard at the ‘if you can avoid a wrench!’ scene, but the others had questionable humour to you.

To him though, it had been the funniest thing he’d ever seen. His laugh was particularly loud when he was enjoying something so freely, the sound infectious until you were giggling along with him. So even though you weren’t exactly enamoured with the films he liked to watch, you went along with them because he liked them. And you liked it when he got the happy look in his eyes.

“I guess it wouldn’t really make it exciting though if they just noped the fuck outta there, huh?” You muse, casually eating a fruit gummy from the pack of Haribo you’d bought at the grocery store too. Jimin would kill you if he found out that you’d bought them when he wasn’t here, but whatever.

Offering the packet to Jungkook, he gives you a sweet smile before carefully reaching inside and picking out a tangy cherry gummy. He pops into his mouth quickly, a hum of happiness leaving him as he wiggles slightly, rosy pink lips pouting slightly as he chews. Snorting, you smile brightly and poke his cheek affectionately.

Looking at you, his eyes widen in that innocent way of his that makes your heart strings tug. Despite his bold and aggressive exterior, the tattoos that line his arms in what you’re convinced is a way to express his creativity while also protecting himself from anyone looking, he was still an Omega. He growled at you and grumbled frequently, ignoring your requests and straight up argued with Jimin frequently.

Jungkook defied every stereotype of an Omega and almost took great delight at doing so. Yet at his heart, just like you were still an Alpha when you stripped everything away, he was still an Omega. The way he would watch with boundless curiosity when you cooked or helped to build the new bookcase you’d bought last week. His sweet nature was always so giving, how he would happily share his food with you and how much he loved affection despite his initial belligerence. 

You knew that the only reason you were seeing this Jungkook was because he felt comfortable with you. That you gave him the stability and protection that made him feel like he could be open with you and honest about himself.

“Jungkook...how...okay, don’t answer this question if you don’t want to or anything. But...when we first met, and the second time, you were surprisingly aggressive. For an Omega. And I know, I know, stereotypes and all that. But...having got to know you, I’m a little surprised by how unlike you that was. You’re so sweet and kind and funny, genuine and honest. I was half convinced that you were gonna bite my head off the second time we met.” Jungkook’s cheeks flush bright red at that, one hand coming up to rub at them before he lets out a quiet laugh.

“Yeah...I know. It's an, erm, survival mechanism. My parents taught me to be...bolder than I actually am. Inside, I’m quaking with fear when I act like that because all it takes is one genuine command and I’d be on my knees. Usually an Alpha is so surprised by my aggression that they don’t do anything further. No one wants to fight an Omega, right? And then I make my getaway.” He takes another gummy from the pack, chewing on it carefully.

“That makes sense. Your parents were smart. I know I confused my parents when I was younger because of how...non-Alpha I was. By all of the stereotypes, I should’ve been hammering and pushing around Jimin when I was old enough to walk and shift. But instead, I would let him push me around. It was almost amusing how confused it made them.” You laugh, grinning at him brightly with an aura of smug amusement. “I have the instincts in me, but I don’t feel like-”

“Like you’re being run by them. I get it. Same here. I get the urge to be submissive and quiet and meek, all those lovely instincts that Omega’s have for some godforsaken reason. I just don’t feel the need to let them come to the fore. Instead, I can almost push-”

“Push them away. They’re there, in your head and your body, your wolf knows them, but you don’t need to use them.” Jungkook looks at you for a moment with a serious expression, his eyes narrowing ever so slightly and you wonder what he’s thinking. He looks like he’s considering something.

“I’ve never met anyone who understands what it’s like. And it’s even weirder given how different we are in the pack hierarchy.” Reaching for his drink, he takes a long swallow and you watch the way the muscles in his throat work as he does so, your own mouth suddenly bone dry. His words permeate your mind and you purse your lips, shrugging slightly.

“Same. But...it’s nice not to feel so alone, you know? Part of the reason why I’m running for leadership. I mean, a big part is to shut Jimin up but...I genuinely want to change the way this pack thinks and how it runs. Wolves like us are just as normal as any other and I don’t see why a stereotype should be the way we have to run our lives. You’re an Omega, yes, but you’re so much more than that. I know we have our wolves in us, and there’s part of us and instincts we can never change, but the human side of us needs to learn and grow. Move with the times.” That gets a laugh from Jungkook as he places his bottle back down, grinning at you.

“You sound like you’re giving some great speech. But you’re right. I’ll vote for you.” Looking at him sharply, you scan over his face closely to see if he’s joking or anything. You’d had plenty of people who were being honest when they said they would vote for you, but you’d also had plenty of people who had been joking.

It would be nice if you could say the high school nastiness had stayed in high school. Instead, it had just become an unfortunate personality trait of some wolves.

But his face was serious, his expression earnest and his eyes wide with his sincerity. Your hackles slowly relaxed as you chewed your inner lip before giving him a small nod and an even smaller smile.

“Thanks. I mean...I’m not gonna win but you know.” 

“Well, not with that attitude. Come on, you’re an Alpha. Embrace your stereotype for once and be braggadocios. It’s the one time I won’t hold it against you.” Dancing his finger around your nose, he practically sings the words and you laugh while also noting he has a nice voice.

“Okay, okay. I guess. Even though I’m all about dismantling the stereotypes of the pack, I will embrace my own this once. For Jimin and you, because I think between you both, you’re going to drive me crazy until it’s all over.” The Omega laughs loudly, the sound so pure that you can’t help but laugh along as your heart soars and you feel almost light headed. You’re not sure if that’s basically of his basic nature, or if it’s just because it’s Jungkook.

“Good. And while you’re embracing your stereotype, I’m going to take your advice and go against mine and be bold right now,” He pauses for dramatic effect. Or at least, you think it's a dramatic effect, until you see the nervous way his eyes look away from you constantly. “I like being your friend. It’s really good, and I really like it. I do. But...I was wondering if maybe...you wanted to be...more?” 

Jungkook’s boldness dies away by the end of his sentence until his words are so soft and gentle, you can barely hear them. His cheeks are a flaming red now and you get the impression he’s trying to hide behind his luscious locks of hair. But you heard the words all the same, and you let go of the breath you’d been holding.

Part of you wants to interrogate him, to ask if he was being serious. If this is what he really wanted. If he was really okay with being with an Alpha. You wanted to make sure this was all comfortable for him.

But the bigger part of you, the part that was jumping for joy and your wolf who was howling in excitement along with you, wanted to just say yes. Jungkook was a grown man. An adult who just happened to be an Omega. If you were serious about ignoring the stereotypes that had been placed on you both, then this would be a prime start.

By letting him have true agency over his decisions and acknowledging that he had evidently thought them through until he had come to this request. Jungkook was naturally shy beneath his veneer of boldness, and you knew he thought things through a lot. So to know he’d been thinking of this...in the same way you had.

You only have one word to say to him, a word you both evidently want to hear and you can’t stop the giant smile that paints across your face as you give it to him.

“Yes.”

-

Standing in front of the mirror in your bedroom, you contemplate whether to wear the olive green shirt or the buttercup yellow one. It was traditional for the candidates for pack leadership to wear the colours of nature on the election day and you were keen to uphold this one tradition at least. If there was one thing you did agree with the pack on, it was the need to appreciate and love nature.

But still, you were unsure of what to wear. You had to make a good impression after all and you were the only woman going forward for the Pack Leadership. That thought immediately makes you scowl though and you want to pinch yourself. There was no need for you to put more effort in than the other two candidates just because of who you are. That was the kind of thinking you were rallying against.

“You should wear the yellow. It looks pretty on you.” Jungkook’s voice pipes up from where he’s laid on the bed. He sounds a little tired and you know that he’d been up late last night trying to finish the project he’d been assigned by the digital marketing company he worked for. Their deadline had been moved up drastically which meant he’d had to work harder to get everything finished, being one of their few website and graphic designers.

“Really?” You hum, shifting to assess yourself as you hold the yellow shirt in front of you instead. It does look pretty good on you but you were going to be wearing sand coloured jeans. That would be too pale overall and you didn’t want to stand out too much, plus there wasn’t any green in your wardrobe. But then again, the olive would make you look like some kind of army dropout.

“Don’t you have some dark green pants in there? I’m sure I saw them.” With that, he heaves himself out of bed and stretches, looking mighty fine as you’re gifted with the view of his muscled body and tan skin, the abundance of tattoos he loves so much scrawled across his arms. His hair is just as long and ruffled as the day you first met, only it’s looking even more like a mess right now and you snort.

You don’t remember the pants he’s talking about so you wait for him to finish scratching his belly, nails scraping against the fine hair that leads above the band of his boxers. Finally though, he walks over and rummages through your closest while humming lightly to himself. Smiling, you run your fingers along his back and enjoy the way he shivers against you.

It’s been a good few months since the two of you had started dating. The rest of the Pack had been surprised to find out that the impossibly grumpy Omega had finally agreed to date an Alpha and you’d gotten plenty of suspicious words from people over time. There were a lot who didn’t understand why Jungkook was with you of all Alpha’s, given how...unlike the one you were.

But it had also bizarrely had a strange effect on your popularity in the rankings. Given the almost mythical status afforded Omega’s, it was almost like the Pack viewed you as someone more worthy of the very idea of leadership because he’d chosen to be with you. Jimin had told you it was because of yet more antiquated ideas surrounding Omega’s and the fact that a lot of wolves believed that they would only mate with superior Alpha’s.

While you weren’t going to push away the idea of mating with Jungkook, if anything you were pretty positive that your wolf had long ago picked him, you didn’t like the pressure it placed on him. Nor did you like how you felt like you were manipulating the people who were coming to know and appreciate.

You’d tried not to let it bother you too much and had instead focused on getting to know the people of your town and Pack once more while exploring the budding relationship between Jungkook and you. He was perhaps the sweetest wolf you’d ever met with a pure heart of gold and you adored the gruff exterior he presented to keep away others. 

“Here it is.” He says proudly, bringing out a pair of olive green pants that you’d forgotten you even had. How he’d found those, you had no idea but you were pleased to see that you’d had the forethought to at least hang them up, meaning there were currently no wrinkles.

Ideally, you’d obviously have washed them but whatever. As long as it looked good and not like a last minute decision. Smiling brightly at him, you take them and pair them up with the shirt, liking the neutral tones that look like sunshine and earth combining.

“Good decision ‘kook. I like it.” You’d already showered, hence why you were currently wrapped in a towel, and carefully chose some underwear as well. This wasn’t as important obviously and you preferred to be comfortable instead of sexy. Though there were certainly occasions when the latter worked...particularly with a certain wolf.

“I’m gonna go shower quickly and then get dressed. We’re meeting up at the parking lot right?” Jungkook asks, giving you a quick kiss on the cheek to avoid morning breath before heading over to the bathroom. You gave him a nod before he slipped inside and began to get ready, taking a deep breath to steel yourself.

Jimin had moved out two months ago and Jungkook had moved straight in, your relationship deepening even further. You’d say it was fast, but you were probably just used to Jimin and Sana’s snail pace relationship. They’d finally mated though and you’d been informed only last week that you would be able to play with a nephew or niece sooner rather than later.

But logically, you knew that a true mate pairing just knew with each other. And you suspected that had happened with Jungkook. You were taking things slow not only for him, but for yourself to make sure that you weren’t just rushing into something. Which was silly, because your wolf wasn’t going to change her mind anytime soon.

Pulling on your clothes, you accessorise with a few pretty rose gold bracelets and a beautiful necklace with a small, bejewelled hummingbird pendant. Jungkook had bought you it for your six month anniversary, which made you laugh because you didn’t realise he’d been counting, but it was a sweet gesture and worked perfectly with your colour scheme today.

A few touches of make up to your face are finished by the time Jungkook comes out and he snorts at the sight of you nearly finished already. Apparently he was constantly surprised by how quickly you got ready, more used to his mom’s time consuming efforts. 

He pulls on a white, button up shirt along with some dark grey skinny jeans. Witnesses aren’t required to dress to a code like the candidates were, but you couldn’t deny that he looked almost outrageously attractive. You didn’t even realise you were growling at a subvocal level until Jungkook looked at you with a grin, drying his hair and styling it to make sure he looked good.

He always looked good though.

Before you even realise what you’re doing, you’ve placed the lipstick down you were about to put on and are standing in front of him, arms wrapping around his slim waist to hug him. Jungkook hadn’t buttoned his shirt fully yet so none of your makeup got on his pristine shirt but you didn’t particularly care right then.

Humming lightly, you inhaled deeply and took in his scent, body relaxing as your nerves washed away with his presence. This was why you weren’t protesting your wolf’s choice of mate too much, or the fact that she’d become more insistent over the last few weeks. Because he made you feel happy and stress free.

Honestly, you weren’t entirely sure what you’d been doing before him.

He doesn’t say anything for a moment, instead wrapping his arms around you in turn and simply hugging you back. The two of you sway slightly as he moves you both and his chest vibrates as he hums a song in his usual habit, the sensation gentle against your ear.

“I love you.” The words fall from your mouth before you even realise what you’re doing and you go to freeze, uncertain if he’d accept the words. Declarations like that were not taken lightly in your world given how mate bonds were permanent. You simply didn’t ‘fall in love’ with someone who your wolf didn’t want and trust implicitly.

Which meant you’d just given the game away to Jungkook. And on this very important day that you had been anxiously waiting for, you now had to comprehend with the fact that you needed to hear whether he would reciprocate or deny. Because it was entirely up to him now.

He could respond, meaning all you would need to do was consummate the bond together later, or he could deny you which would mean your relationship probably wouldn’t last much longer. Swallowing thickly, you wait to see what he’d say.

“I love you too.” They’re so soft and gentle that you almost don’t hear them, even with your superior senses. And you get the impression that he’s a little choked up himself, a little shy and beyond all that, happy with the way his arms tighten around you. It makes you want to cry too but you’ve just put your damn makeup on and you are not going to ruin it when you don’t have time.

Pulling away, you look up at him and bite your lip in excitement, taking in the way his eyes practically glitter with reciprocal emotion. You’ve never seen a more beautiful sight in your life. The two of you move like magnets attracted to one another, lips connecting as if there’s not a force on Earth that could stop you both and you sigh into his mouth happily.

It doesn’t take him long though to gently push you away, his hands firm on your shoulders as you whine at the loss of him. He doesn’t give in though, very carefully directing you back over to the make up he’d distracted you from before kissing your forehead quickly.

“There’s no time for that right now. We can discuss this further after the election, okay?” Jungkook’s voice is soft as he crouches next to you, resting a hand on your thigh and giving you the sweetest smile that makes his eyes positively glow. Resting your hand on his cheek, you stroke the skin there softly before sighing and nodding.

“Well...at least one good thing has happened today.” He laughs at that, standing up to finish dressing while you finish up as well. The two of you chat about the show you’ve both been watching, carefully avoiding any discussion of what had just happened or what was about to happen.

It stays like that until you’re meeting up with your friends and family in the parking lot outside the entrance to the forest. Well, there’s lots of entrances but this was the entrance. The one that led to the ancestral clearing that had been used to determine the leader of the Pack for centuries now. Long ago, the election had actually been a competition in which Alpha’s would fight to claim the leadership.

Those who didn’t submit, or die, won the right to lead. Thankfully, that had been outlawed long ago or you wouldn’t have even considered the possibility of entering the election. The very idea was simply barbaric and despite the fact you turned into a wolf, and had a wolf with her own mind inside you, you were still also human.

“You ready?” Jimin asks, smiling at you reassuringly as he moves over and hugs you tightly. Smiling, you press yourself into your brother and inhale the smell of him, the familial connection helping you to relax. Sana soon joins in the hug and you laugh softly, enveloping her too and taking in the difference of her own scent now that she is pregnant. There were subtle hints of Jimin in there, indicating he was the father and you wanted to squeal with excitement.

You’d been beyond happy that they’d finally bonded together after what seemed an absurd amount of time but you were even happier than they were pregnant. The two of them were going to make fantastic parents and you were beyond excited to be an aunt as well. 

Looking back at Jungkook, you reach out for his hand and tug him into the hug too, making him whine before laughing. He was still pretty shy with affection in public, almost like he was afraid that people might make comments about him or something but you weren’t going to let him get away with that right now.

That baby was going to be his nephew or niece too now. Though obviously Jimin and Sana didn’t know that just yet. Still though, they welcomed into the hug with open warmth and you sighed happily as some of the most important people surrounded you with their love and support.

“Thank you all for coming.” You mumble before separating yourself from them and giving your parents a hug as well. They give you their own well wishes and support as well and you chat with them for a few minutes about everything that’s been going on, promising to visit them more often.

“Come on, we’ve got to go.” Sana says suddenly, interrupting you with an apologetic smile before looping her arm through your own. The two of you start doing the dirt trail, quiet for a moment as you take the time to inhale the clean scent of the trees that surround you. Reaching out, you run your hand along the rough bark of the trunk of the nearest one and feel yourself centre with the help of the nature surrounding you.

Generations of wolves had been born, lived and died under the watchful gaze of these trees and you wondered what stories they could tell. The love stories they’d seen or the battles they’d been witness to. What would be the story they were going to see today? Would it be you, taking leadership or someone else?

“You’ll be fine,” Sana whispers to you, giving you a big smile before squeezing your arm reassuringly and you give you a tight smile in response. “Seriously, I think you’re going to do great. You underestimate how popular you are with people.”

“That’s just because I’m with Jungkook.” You mutter, pouting slightly as you contemplate just how much of people's warmth towards you was because of what you had done yourself or because you were dating the pretty and mysterious Omega. Glancing back at him, you watch as he chats with Jimin contentedly, laughing softly at the sight of him so big and broad next to your slight brother.

“You’d never think he was the Omega.” Your best friend muses, her tone light as she looks back too and you nod with a snort. Out of the two of them, Jimin looks like he would be the Omega instead of Jungkook. People would get a shock if they tried to treat Jimin like a submissive though. He’d probably bite their head off first.

Your brother could occasionally have a bit of a temper.

“He puts effort into looking that badass. Works though.” Chuckling, you turn back and take in a deep breath as you spot the opening just ahead. There’s sunlight streaming through, giving everything an almost ethereal look and you bite your lip as trepidation burns in your stomach.

“It doesn’t matter if I don’t win anyway. It’s all fine. I took part and hopefully changed some people’s minds too.” Nodding in confidence, you eye Sana for a moment before pushing at her lightly with affection. She raises her eyebrows at you before grinning and you both burst into nervous giggles.

“Okay, okay. Let’s be serious now. Game faces on. This is important.” You say, holding out your hand in front of your face before bringing it down in a gesture to simulate you getting serious. It makes Sana snort but she doesn’t say anything to contradict you. She knows you’re not entirely confident about this but you don’t want her to say anything about it.

Letting go of her arm, you turn and take a deep breath as you take in the faces of support from everyone you love. Sana’s parents along with Jungkook’s have joined now, having already reached the clearing and moving over to be with your supporters on the outskirts. You give them a nod of acknowledgement and thanks before heading into the centre of the circle of trees.

It’s bigger than you’d expect when you heard the word ‘clearing’. The tall sentinels that stand guard in an almost perfect circle have wide, foreboding trunks that indicate they’re old while the centre is wide enough to have wild grass growing freely. The strands sway slightly in the gentle breeze that filters through the trees and you note that there are a few wildflowers beginning to pop up as well, their colours bright and vibrant against the lush green.

Quiet murmuring and soft discussions mean that you can’t hear any of the natural sounds of the forest, the Pack members who were eligible and able to vote clustered around the outer edges. It always surprised you just how many wolves there were in your Pack, particularly considering it was considered to be small compared to Packs elsewhere.

There were a good few hundred people in the clearing though, making it seem even smaller. Even then, a lot of them were actually in the trees, waiting for their moment to come forward and vote. One day, the Pack wouldn’t be able to fit in this clearing. They were already spilling over the edges and you frowned, wondering when it had all gotten so big.

That was a thought for another day though and instead you simply go round, greeting as many people as you can and giving them your most gracious and humble smile. You would be leading these people if you won, but you would also be serving them too. It’s something a lot of people didn’t seem to realise about leadership positions, that they were designed to serve the very people who put them there.

Most were happy to greet you, giving you equally polite smiles and making small talk while there were a few others a little more frosty. You weren’t surprised that the families of the other candidates, Kim Seokjin and Oh Taewon, weren’t exactly the happiest to see you but there wasn’t exactly a lot you could do about that except be civil.

Soon enough thankfully, the current Pack Alpha is calling for quiet. His strong voice has a deep timbre and is still strong, despite his age. Though that might be because he was using the dominance he’d been born with to reinforce his words and ensure that everyone was listening to him.

A few of the Alphas in the crowd bristled to be ordered about, not exactly an unusual occurrence given the clashes of dominance that could happen. It wasn’t usually a problem but with this many wolves around, the election would have to take place quickly to ensure it didn’t cause any issues such as fights.

The quietest whine from behind you causes you to turn, catching Jungkook’s eyes and taking in the slightly distressed look in them. Almost immediately you feel protective, a need to rush over to him and comfort him. You’d been worried about him coming here, with so many dominant personalities present and how he’d handle it all but he’d been determined to come for you.

When he realises you’re watching him, he gives you a tremulous smile that’s a little weaker than he probably anticipated. It makes your heart clench and you catch Jimin and Sana’s attention subtly, indicating towards your boyfriend who was now fidgeting with his hands. They take approximately a second to realise what’s wrong before nodding at you with a smile, Sana’s arm wrapping around his waist in a hug.

It’s not you, but the comfort of someone he knows and trusts makes him relax and you sigh in relief. The last you needed during this moment was to be constantly fretting over him. As much as you love him, you need to get through this.

Turning back, you stand in between the other two candidates and listen to the current Alpha talks. He explains the history of your Pack along with how important the role of leader is. You zone out for a little bit, the nerves causing you to ignore what he’s saying until you realise people are moving forward slowly.

The way your ancestors had devised the more democratic, and less brutal, method of choosing the new Pack leader was for each member to place a stone in a wooden bowl that was set in front of you. Once everyone had voted, the stones were counted by the current Alpha and the leader declared. In case of a tie, the vote was decided by the Pack Alpha, who didn’t vote normally.

As people came forward and voted, you decided that while you appreciated the concept of voting, you didn’t particularly appreciate having to actively watch as people you had come to know voted for others. It was beyond awkward as you tried to avoid eye contact while also making sure you didn’t appear too upset or offended.

But what surprised you more than anything was the fact that...you seemed to be winning? The stones in your bowl were growing more and more plentiful while your opponents had only handfuls each. Frowning ever so slightly, you realised with a start that at this rate, they wouldn’t even need to count the stones. It was that obvious.

Instead of fretting over that, you focused instead on who was giving you their trust and loyalty. The people who were telling you that they thought you were the best Alpha to lead them forward, despite how you’d always been considered a lesser Alpha in the past. Part of you, the part that didn’t think you were ready, wondered how much of their choice had been impacted by Jungkook.

Shaking your head slightly, you pushed the thought away. It didn’t matter at the end of the day. If the final votes kept up like they did, then Kim Seokjin and Oh Taewon were going to be congratulating you on your win and acknowledging your leadership. You, the Alpha who defied all stereotypes.

Smiling slightly to yourself, you looked down at the ground as the final votes slowly trickled in. The win was to such an extent that your bowl looked like it was in serious danger of overflowing and you felt almost embarrassed at it. Glancing over to the other two candidates, you saw them give you a warm smile before they both walked over to give you a congratulatory handshake.

Given how temperamental Alpha’s could be, you were thankful that both Seokjin and Taewon were magnanimous and kind in defeat. Though you supposed that only level-headed Alpha’s would even be allowed to contest the election. No point allowing a candidate who was a hothead and would start a fight just because they lost.

Still, you made sure to be warm and welcoming to them both to avoid any future awkwardness. He current Pack leader, or rather the previous now, didn’t even bother counting the stones and instead moved over to you with a wide grin. Once you’d finished talking with Seokjin and Taewon, he grasped your hand and lifted it high above your head.

“I think this is probably the easiest victory in a while. Which is a testament to the popularity of Y/N and the strong belief that she will lead this pack in a positive way for the future. With this, I officially relinquish my role as leader and bestow it to you. May you experience good health, a fortuitous life and no troubles.” He smiles at you as you have the bizarre knowledge that you’re now higher ranking than he is. This is the wolf who has led the Pack since before you were even born, the wolf you had acquiesced to every time when he made a decree. And yet now, he bowed to you.

Well, he didn’t actually bow. But the metaphor was the same. Eyes widening at the thought, you accept his words before turning to look at the Pack. Your Pack. Catching the sight of your family, you see the tears of joy and pride your mom and dad cry while Jimin beams so brightly at the knowledge his little sister had actually done it.

And then you see Jungkook, who’s smiling so brightly at you that his nose is all wrinkled and his eyes have disappeared into the sweetest crescent moons. His cheeks are flushed with a combination of happiness and what you presume to be stress from the presence of so many dominant personalities but he pushes through it for you, focusing firmly on you as he cheers and howls alongside the rest of the Pack as they celebrate.

Getting them to calm down with a gesture, you laugh as the howls continue for a moment before stopping and simply look over the wolves who are now yours. Yours to rule and nourish, protect and discipline if necessary. It’s a big ask for someone who’s simply a teacher, but if you can handle a day full of moody teenagers then really, the Pack would almost be a vacation.

“Thank you, for putting your trust into me to lead you. I will try my best to be fair and kind, an Alpha who you can come to with your worries and stresses. I know that many of you may question me given...how I don’t appear like other Alpha’s but I promise you that I am just as ready to protect and fight for you if necessary. I am here for you and I will respect each of you. In turn, I expect equal amounts of respect back. I may be your leader, but I am not your ruler. Please, if you have any concerns then bring them to me sooner rather than later. And with that, I think that’s enough of discussing politics for the day. I’m sure you’re all waiting to go back to your homes and have your parties so...please enjoy.” Grinning, you stifle the laugh that wants to erupt at the enthusiastic howls and yells from many in the crowd as they begin to disperse.

Election day in your Pack had long been a day that everyone would take off from their normal work, turning it into a day of voting in the morning and partying in the evening to celebrate the election of their new leader. You would spend a few hours visiting random parties tonight throughout the town, making an appearance to them and showing that you were there before settling in at the party your parents would be hosting.

Glancing over at Jungkook, you bit your lip as anticipation roiled in your stomach. Under normal circumstances, the next few hours would be a breeze as you socialised and got to know people. You may not particularly enjoy it, but you were well versed in how to do it thanks to your job. But today?

Today you just wanted to rush home and into the arms of Jungkook. Because tonight you had more important things to do than having a party. Tonight, you were going to join together as mates for the very first time.

-

You wish that you could say that you enjoyed the parties that you went to that night, but it would be a complete lie to be honest. What you really want to do is get home, spend some time with your family and friends while you were still in a content and happy mood before spending the night with one Jeon Jungkook.

But you were, after all, the leader now. So you didn’t get to be selfish when it came to things like this. Though you kind of wished that you could because as much as you’d ended up wanting this role despite only doing it because Jimin had bugged you enough to sign up, some of the people in the Pack weren’t very accommodating to you. Or even nice really.

You were generalising really, because the vast majority of wolves who you had met and spoken to tonight had been very sweet and congratulatory towards you. Many of them had openly told you that they’d voted for you, leading to you awkwardly thanking them for their support. A lot of them had laughed at your uncertainty regarding their words but they seemed to appreciate how genuine you were being.

Perhaps they thought you might have ended up being like another Alpha who was brusque and almost rude, as if their support was never in question. There were plenty like that in the Pack and you were glad to give them someone who defied their expectations.

But after three hours of driving around town and greeting people, you were just ready to leave. So you give a polite smile to the young couple whose barbecue you’d crashed along with all of their friends and family, including their grandparents who had haughtily told you that they’d voted for Kim Seokjin, a real Alpha. 

That had just amused you and you’d shrugged apologetically when they’d told you, telling them that you’d do the best you could for them to meet their expectations. Of course, they’d just sniffed at that but you didn’t see any point in trying to change their mind. 

After finally saying goodbye to everyone there, you hop into your car and drive to your parents house with a relieved sensation in your stomach. Pulling up into their drive, you smile brightly at the sight of the cars of all your beloved friends and family, realising that they’d all congregated here for what must have been hours now.

“Ah, here she is. Our noble Alpha.” Greeted you when you walk through the door, Jimin’s bright smile accompanies his sugary sweet words and you snort in amusement, punching his stomach lightly as he goes to hug you. The whine he lets out is overly exaggerated but he embraces you tightly, his emotions genuine.

“Seriously, congrats. Told you that you could do it.” Rolling your eyes at him, you acknowledge his words with a nod before hugging Sana just as tight. She’s already babbling on about the election and how she’d thought it was going to be tense but that you’d made history with the landslide. Of course, she then starts to suggest laws that she’d like to have in place and you take her hands gently, squeezing them.

“Hey, hey. Sana...I love you, but can I please at least have tonight? We can talk about laws tomorrow, I promise you. Okay?” She pouts slightly, her pretty pink lips giving away her eagerness and you just chuckle.

“Sweetheart, what did we say about talking law tonight?” Jimin asks his mate, brows rising slightly with an expectant look and you watch in fascination as your best friend pouted even further, her shoulders dropping.

“To leave it alone for the night. But it’s important we get started on the right foot!” She protests, looking from him to you and you just smile at her. Jimin sighs deeply before wrapping his arms around her waist and kissing her cheek affectionately.

“Peanut, I love you, I really do. But I’m sure that Y/N has had a really tiring day and probably just wants to go round and say hi to everyone before dragging Jungkook off.” He’s looking firmly at Sana when he says that but you feel yourself go warm with embarrassment at his words. Not that he’d said anything crude out loud, but because he was perfectly right.

You did want to drag Jungkook off, because you had something very important to do with him. So you take Jimin’s words as permission and give them both a warm smile of happiness before hugging them both tightly together.

“Thank you both for all your support these last few months. I really mean it. I couldn’t have done any of this without you both. Especially you, you weasel. It’s because of you that I probably am going to have a massive headache and a short temper 24/7 with the Pack. I’ve already met some grouchy folk so I’m sure it’s going to be fun.” Jimin laughs loudly at that, his eyes almost disappearing with the intensity of his emotion and he squeezes you even tighter round the neck, causing you to yell as he drags you down.

“That’ll be nothing for my little sister. She’ll put them straight, won’t she?” He teases and you growl, the sound rumbling from your chest without even meaning it. But the wolf inside you is displeased at being caught like this, being restrained, and so before Jimin realises what’s happening, you’ve grabbed his arm and twisted with an enormous amount of force and strength. 

A cry leaves him as he gets flung over your body, his ass thumping the ground hard as he lays there with a stunned expression. Not that he should be too surprised really. You’ve done this with him plenty of times over the years so he really should be used to being thrown around by his smaller, younger sister.

Still, it makes Sana laugh with wild abandon at the sight of seeing her mate so thoroughly put in his place. Grinning at her, you give her a high five before heading further into the house and saying hello to the people closest to you.

Your parents give you the tightest hug possible and you can practically feel the pride dripping of them, that their little girl is now the leader of their Pack. It was something they’d told you that you could do as a child but you doubted they’d have ever considered you were actually going to go for it.

“Are you going to quit teaching now? Being the leader is basically a full time job.” Your dad asks, a frown on his face as concern fills his expression. Humming, you shake your head with a smile before squeezing the hand of Jungkook. He’d been talking to them when you’d arrived and had slipped his hand into yours as soon as he’d been able to, the pride in his face possibly equal to the one in theirs.

“No. But I will transfer to the high school here instead. And maybe teach some classes at the local community college for anyone who wants them. I still love teaching and I don’t want to give it up. If anything, I think I want to encourage more people in the Pack to learn. I’m considering offering some cultural lessons to try and broaden the minds of some of our more...reticent members. Maybe offer cultural exchanges by inviting other Pack’s to send a representative and tell us how they operate and live. You know...every little helps right?” Your mom is nodding thoughtfully, her arm looped through your dad's arm and you feel pride at knowing she approved of your thoughts.

“Sounds like a good idea. There’s plenty of people that need to be dragged into the 20th century in our Pack, never mind the 21st century. So if you can succeed in that, then I’ll be a very proud dad.” He grins before hugging you, and you contemplate the fact that you’ve probably never had this much physical contact in years.

“Anyway, as much as I love you all and this is a great party, I’ve already been fed about six times by now so I’m ridiculously full and I’m tired. Are you okay if Jungkook and I head off? I know I’ve barely been-” You barely even get the words out before your mom is pushing Jungkook and you with a tut, rolling her eyes.

“Honestly, you don’t need to apologise. It’s been a big day. For both of you. I’m proud of you too Jungkook, for doing so well with everyone there. So I want you both to go home and just relax! You’ve done enough for today.” Snorting, you let her practically push you out of the door while you manage to wave your goodbyes to everyone, noting the amused expressions on their faces as well.

Getting into the car once more, you turn and look at Jungkook with raised brows. “Ironic that I’ve spent more time with other people at their parties today than with my own parents at my own party.”

“Hey, they understand. Don’t be too worried about it. They’d already told me that they planned on sending you home as soon as you got here to be honest. We all knew you’d be a bit tired and stressed after it all and I don’t think anyone wanted to cause you anymore anxiety than needed after what’s happened.” He says thoughtfully, running his fingers over his lower lip and you hum quietly.

“Are you okay? I’ve been worried about you since I left. It was a lot to take in and you did so well Kook. I’m really proud of you. I can only imagine how hard it was to be there with almost the whole Pack, all those different personalities and dominance battles going on.” Your voice goes soft with worry and you see him smile out of the corner of your eye, reaching out for your hand and intertwining your fingers once more.

“It was hard, yeah. I wanted to run away for most of it but I’ve got a reputation to uphold you know? I’m an Omega, yeah, but I'm also a badass,” He puffs his chest out at that and you snort, gently pushing at him without taking your eyes away from the road too much. “Seriously though, I’m really proud of you too. You were so convinced that no one was going to vote for you because of who you are and how you don’t meet the stereotypes others have for you but...you were wrong. And now you’re our lovely leader.”

“Yeah...you’re right.” Silence falls between you both but it’s not uncomfortable, instead it’s familiar and comforting. Sighing softly, you run your thumb along the back of his hand before smiling once more. You’d managed to do it, despite a year ago being convinced that you wouldn’t even be considered. And along the way, you’d found your mate.

“This morning...what you said...do you still think that?” Jungkook’s voice is soft now and you pause at his words, thinking back and remembering the intimate moment you’d both had in your bedroom. It felt so long ago now, but those emotions came swarming back with a vengeance as you pulled into the parking lot of your apartment building.

“Every word.” Turning the engine off, you look at him with a serious expression and he swallows thickly. His eyes are wide, reflecting the light from the nearby buildings and you feel your heart positively clench at how beautiful he looks. It’s not that he’s innocent, because he’s not, but it’s like he has an innate curiosity and wonder about the world that his eyes can’t seem to hide. As if he wants to learn and see everything before his time ends and you want so desperately to give that to him.

“Me too.” He whispers and you don’t stop yourself from leaning forward in your seat, pressing your lips to his in a kiss that is gentle and yet needy at the same time. The underlying ‘I love you’ is so prominent between you both and you feel the need to mark him. To make him yours and show the whole world that he chose you.

Pulling back, you look at him at him intently and see the way he swallows at whatever he sees in your own eyes. Nipping at his lip playfully, you nose along his cheek before biting softly at his jawline and enjoying the way he gasps.

Sex with Jungkook is more than satisfying and you’ve been pleased to discover that he’s not as submissive as he looks in that department either. There’s days when he takes control and you love it almost as much as the days that he lets you wreak havoc with him. But today is a day when your base instincts will take over, the wolf inside you demanding you dominate your mate to show him that you were capable of protecting him, of loving him and keeping him safe.

Unsurprisingly, Jungkook’s own wolf was obviously telling him to go along with his own instincts as well as he leans his head to one side, revealing the wonderful expanse of golden tan skin stretched over the strong tendons and muscles of his neck. The beautiful skin that is currently unmarked.

“We need to go inside. Now.” You growl and he nods immediately, hands grasping at the door handle before you even finish and you almost want to laugh at his eagerness. But you don’t, because you’re following him every step of the way, almost stalking his steps like the predator you truly were.

The idea of doing this to him normally would be horrifying because it would immediately set off his Omega instincts. And no matter how much he’s managed to suppress them over the years, no matter how much he can pass for something other than what he is, he is still an Omega at the end of the day.

But tonight, the tension in his shoulders wasn’t from fear. It was from anticipation. And from the way he looked back at you with eagerness in those pretty eyes, you got the sense that he was turning this into a little game. The rumble of appreciation rolls from your chest before you even realise and you bite your lip at the sight of him shuddering when you reach the apartment door.

Getting your keys into the door is a bit of a challenge when your mind is solely focused on him. You finally do it though and as soon as the door latches shut behind you, you turn and pull him down for another kiss.

This one is deeper than before and more frantic, the need to join stronger than ever. The two of you leave a trail of clothes through the apartment as you move to the bedroom, his shirt torn from the force of your pull. Humming happily at the feel of smooth, warm skin beneath your palms, you nip at his collarbones playfully and delight in the way he squirms and whines for you.

Running your hands down his toned and muscular stomach, you reach the waistband of his boxers and eagerly pull them down. They slip past his slim hips with complete ease and you resist the urge to salivate at the sight of his cock, bouncing gently as it strains against gravity.

Jungkook is not a stereotypical Omega. He is tall, broad, muscular, tattooed, has a black belt in taekwondo and will snap at anyone if pushed. And his cock is just as beautifully magnificent as the rest of him, not too long to be painful but beautifully girthy and with the most delightful veins that make him whine when you trace over them. In a simple word, Jungkook is physically perfect.

"You're so damn beautiful," The words slip from your mouth reverently and you press your lips to the dip in his hips to a kiss that turns into a nip. "You're perfect and all for me, aren't you?"

As you whisper words of affection, praise and dominance into his skin, you wrap your fingers around his shaft and stroke slowly. The whine he gives it like music to your ears and you growl in appreciation, licking along his stomach before rewarding him with one, slow glide of your tongue along the underside of his cock.

He sighs in contentment at that, his hands clenching and opening repeatedly as he struggles to find something to do with them and you laugh. Pulling back, you stand once more and point to the bed.

"Lay down for me, pretty boy." You almost don't manage to get the words out before he's practically throwing himself on the bed and you have to stop yourself from snorting and ruining the mood. His eagerness to please suddenly is endearing and this is the one Omega stereotype you're glad he embodies.

The sight of him laid out on the bed, his skin almost glowing with health from the soft lighting of the bedside lamp he’d turned on, has you almost turning into a cat as you practically purr in contentment at the sight of him. His big, sweet eyes are focused firmly on you while his cock strains against his stomach, desperate for your touch.

“Good boy.” You praise him sweetly, running your hand along the muscle of his calf and biting your lip at the way he shivers in response. Slowly, you remove the final pieces of your own clothing and delight at the way Jungkook lets out the softest keen at the sight of the damp spot in your panties, a visible sign of just how unbelievably wet you were for him.

It didn’t take much for him to get you going, you’d discovered this in the past, but there’s something particularly delightful about him today. You may not be a typical Alpha but you’d be damned if Jungkook’s willingness to submit right now wasn’t hitting every dominant bone in your body.

Kneeling on the bed next to him, you continue to let your fingers dance along his body in a slow, steady exploration that only heightens his arousal. Everywhere you touch tenses beneath your fingertips and you don’t miss the way his hips subtly move, trying to catch your attention and give him the blessed relief he wants.

But you don’t want to yet. You want to make him desperate for you, to make him whine and pout and cry out for your touch before you finally mark him. The wolf in you demands it, demands his full submission as your mate and you want it as well. From the look of pure need in Jungkook’s eyes, he wants it just as much.

Pressing a kiss to his lips, you dart away from him quickly when he goes to follow and smile at the whine he gives you. Tutting quietly, you begin to kiss down his body in hot, open mouthed kisses that leave a slick mess to follow, a few spots darkening from where your kiss had been particularly forceful.

“What do you want, baby boy? Tell me.” You whisper, biting gently at his hip and enjoying the way he writhes beneath you. There’s almost zero resistance before he’s speaking to you, the subtle whine in his voice telling you he’s trying to hold back.

“I want you. Please. Please. I love you, please.” Pursing your lips, you move down till you’re kissing along his inner thigh, enjoying the way his muscles twitch with need. There’s no missing the way his cock jerks occasionally, his balls tight and firm in your eyesight and you resist the urge to play with them. Not yet.

“Tell me what you want.” The words are repeated back to him and now Jungkook does let out a whine, the sound strained in his throat with frustration and need. But he responds to you perfectly, causing you to grin.

“Please touch my dick. Jerk me off. Lick it. Put your mouth on it. Anything. Please.” He mutters a few more times, almost praying to you with how much he wants your touch on his cock and you pause for a moment to watch him. His face is ever so slightly flushed while his hair isn’t as put together anymore, his hands having ruined what he’d carefully arranged this morning.

“Since you asked so nicely.” You purr to him, voice going low. It’s not really because he asked, but more because you can’t handle not touching him anymore. Not when you want him this badly.

Grasping his cock at the base once more, you give him a slow stroke while squeezing tightly, enjoying how he gasps. A second stroke has his hips jerking, but not nearly as much as when you lick him from bottom to tip, flattening your tongue to try and reach as much of him as you can. The noises he makes are nothing though compared to when you wrap your lips around his head, engulfing him in your mouth and sucking tightly.

It’s pure enjoyment from your part as you take in how he reacts, moving your hand to meet your lips in a rhythm that’s perfect for you both. Head lowering, you press your tongue to him as hard as you can on the way down before hollowing out your cheeks as you rise back up, trying to increase the amount of pressure he’s feeling. The gasps tell you he likes it and you hum, adding vibration to the mix while your free hand moves to cup his balls, running your fingers along him until you find what really makes his hips jerk.

For a few minutes, you continue on like this. Changing up the speed with which you tug on him, the pressure you apply to his cock and how you play with his balls to make sure he doesn’t get too complacent or too near completion. It would ruin the fun if he came too early.

Pulling off him, you begin to lick at his tip almost like you’re enjoying an ice cream, eyes closing as you let your tongue slide around the head of him and find all the places that make him quiver with need. Your hand slows on him as well, squeezing the base of him tightly to stop him from reaching his end if he is near and the reduction in pleasure has him whining your name.

“Please, please. Oh god, please fuck me. Please. I want to be inside you.” He begs desperately, his hands moving to grasp at the covers of the bed as you press kisses to his cock, letting go of it and enjoying the way it stands for a moment for falling back to his stomach with a wet slap from the weight of it. Smirking, you sit up and wipe at your mouth before looking down at him.

His pupils have blown out from lust while his cheeks are a beautiful, rosy pink and his chest is breathing a little heavier than before. Moving over him, you carefully avoid his cock as you lean down to kiss along his neck, biting gently and sucking in other places before moving up to his mouth. It’s already swollen from your previous kiss and the way he keeps biting at them, but it doesn’t stop you from nibbling on his lower lip.

“You want to be inside of me? Do you think you deserve to be in me, baby boy?” You ask the question lightly, whispering the words into his ear and he shivers in response. Jungkook is nodding before you’ve even finished speaking and you hide your smile.

“Yes, yes please. I’ve been good. I was good today, right? Please. Please let me.” Sitting back up, you lift yourself and grasp his cock, straightening it till the tip is brushing against your wet folds. The slight sensation has him making the strangest noises, his throat tight while his hips try to push up and you tut at him.

“Stop pushing. We go at my pace, okay?” He settles down, forcing himself to be still at the thread of dominance you weave through your words before nodding. Feeling a little bad that you’d done that, you lean forward and kiss him gently.

“I’ve got you baby boy, don’t worry. I love you.” You try not to grin at how he almost preens at that, his chest pushing out while happiness and pride fills his eyes. Despite the lust rushing through your body and the incessant desire that makes your pussy ache to have him inside you, your chest feels full of love for him.

Slowly, you lower yourself onto his cock. There’s no foreplay for you, but then you don’t need it given how wet you already are for him. Slowly, he penetrates you inch by inch and you let you the deepest sigh of relief once you’re finally seated on him, clit rubbing against his pelvis as you lean forward ever so slightly. 

You feel full and an experimental squeeze of your muscles has slight pleasure rolling through you while Jungkook moans at being so deep inside your warm depths. Biting your lip, you rock your hips slowly and feel the perfect friction as his cock slides out of you before pushing back in just as deep. The slickness of your excitement allows him to glide with each and you hum at how good he feels.

“Fuck baby, you feel so good in me,” Panting slightly, you slowly speed up your movements until the room is filled with the lewd sound of him slipping in and out of your soaked pussy. “Mmmm, Jungkook. Fuck, you’re perfect.”

Half of you isn’t even actually sure what you’re saying anymore to be honest, the sensation of him inside you as you fuck him is all you can really focus on and you’re just saying whatever comes to you. But it’s all praise for the man beneath you, the man who is grasping the sheets so hard to avoid touching you yet because you haven’t given him permission to.

Who is holding himself so steady to avoid pushing up into you, letting you use his body however you want. You love it and opening your eyes, you tell him so while shifting, leaning forwards ever so slightly to lightly scrape your nails along his chest. It makes him writhe and whimper, the sound deep from his throat and you automatically squeeze around his cock when you hear it.

“Good boy.” You whisper absentmindedly, your fingers reaching down to rub at the swollen flesh of your clit. It’s almost hard beneath your touch from how turned on you are and you slick your fingers in the sticky mess before rubbing in a rhythmic circle that has you gasping and tightening.

Rocking your hips on top of him, you take all the pleasure that you can get and slowly, your movements begin to match so every circle of your fingers is complemented by a rock of your hips. You mix it up occasionally, circling your hips and sighing in relief at how Jungkook’s cock presses against every part inside of you that sparks fires of pleasure.

“Touch me Jungkook. I want your hands here,” You take one of them and press it to one of your breasts, making his fingers twist and pull at your nipple in exactly the way you love. “And here.”

His other hand goes to your clit and you press his fingers in exactly the manner that you enjoy the most. It feels even better with the extra stimulation and you whine loudly, the sound mixing with your gasps as you feel almost overwhelmed.

“Are you close?” You whisper to him, opening your eyes after a few minutes of enjoying some of the best sex you’ve ever had with him and he nods quickly. His eyes are scrunched close, jaw tight as he clenches his teeth together in a desperate effort to control himself. Your wolf growls at the sight of it and you feel your chest rumble too, the sound causing Jungkook’s hip to push up automatically.

“I want you to knot me,” Moving to almost lay on him, you kiss and nip at his jaw insistently as his eyes widen suddenly at your words. “I want you to fill me up with your cum until you’re spilling out of me.”

“Seriously?” He pants and his hands still on yours. Looking into his eyes, those beautiful eyes that you love so much, you nod and kiss him deeply. Tangling your tongue with his, your hands move to cup his cheeks almost tenderly as the kiss takes over your thought process. Your hips slow down until you’re simply rolling them, your clit getting the pleasure of rubbing against him and it suddenly changes from sexy to intimate.

Parting from his lips, you pant softly, chest heaving from the effort of riding him for so long before nodding. “I want you to cum in me, and I want your knot. I want you to breed me while I bond with you, fill me up with your pups. Do you understand me?”

His eyes are bigger than ever and you wonder if he’s about to say no or something. Knotting is only done when you’re trying to impregnate and you want that desperately, want to feel him swell inside you until you can’t even move while he fills you up with rope after rope of thick cum. The thought of almost intoxicating and you tighten around him.

“Give me your knot baby, give it to me. I know you can. Don’t you want to give me pups? Watch me grow with them, all with the knowledge that they’re yours? See your Alpha, your leader, all swollen with your pups while I deal with everyone, knowing that they can see I’m yours?” The dirty, dark words whispered into his ear work and he lets out a deep growl of his own, the first time you’ve ever heard him growl.

His hands grasp at your hips, holding you steady as he begins to thrust up into you and you moan in delight at the increased sensations. You encourage him along, nipping at his jaw and continuing to coax him to knot you as you squeeze on his cock tightly, trying to encourage him and you finally begin to feel it.

It starts almost slowly and you’re not sure it’s happening at first, but then you’re certain his cock is beginning to swell in you. Reaching between you both, you rub at your clit exactly how you like as he continues to expand slowly, his jaw clenched so tightly. Any sign of the sweet, innocent Omega you’d fallen for is gone at the moment and you could easily mistake him for an Alpha with how strong he looks.

His hair is matted to his forehead, the strands ink black while his skin shines with the sweat he’s worked up and you’re not sure you’ve ever seen a hotter sight. Though looking between you both and taking in the sight of his cock thrusting into your pussy, there may be one thing hotter. 

“Cum for Jungkook. Knot your mate.” Panting into his ear, they must be the magic words because he pushes into you harder than ever, pressing down on your hips to keep you in place while he swells inside you. A deep moan that sounds like it’s been pulled from his chest comes from him and you shudder as your own release takes over, pussy tightening around him as your orgasm washes through you.

Before it finishes, you snarl softly and bare your teeth, the fangs that have grown suddenly biting into the soft skin of Jungkook’s neck as you mark him. He stiffens momentarily before letting out a ridiculously loud groan, his knot growing even bigger and you hum contentedly as you practically feel him orgasming inside you. 

The remnants of your own orgasm continue to rush through you and are intensified when Jungkook bites back at your own neck. Almost immediately, you feel the mate bond snap into place between the two of you as you mark each other at the point of orgasm. There’s no ceremony, no special words, just pure instinct that drives you both to fulfil this need.

Pulling your fangs from him, you slowly lick at his neck to help the wounds to heal while he does the same to you. Warmth fills you with the knowledge he’s your mate now while you can feel the oddest sensation of the knowledge that someone else occupies space within you now. You can’t talk to him telepathically or anything like the books, but it’s more just an awareness that he’s there.

A bottomless pit of love and protection for him along with an oath to love only him for as long as you live. 

Resting against him, you take a moment to simply enjoy the feeling of being on him while his knot continues to keep you held in place. The knowledge that he could even now be impregnating you is hot and you sluggishly lift your head up to gaze into his own tired eyes. Jungkook gives you a slow smile and you kiss him lazily, realising the sensation feels a little different now that you’re bonded.

“I love you.” You whisper, your dominant flair vanishing in the comfort of his embrace as he wraps his arms to simultaneously hug you and keep you in place to avoid you hurting yourself. A gentle kiss is pressed to your nose before he kisses you once more, a quiet hum of contentment leaving him.

“I love you too.” Neither of you say anything after that, simply enjoying each other as you wait for his knot to go down. When it finally does, there’s an almost uncomfortable feeling as a rush of his cum begins to seep out of you and onto him. You’re used to him orgasming inside you, knotting was the only way to get pregnant and wolves didn’t get STI’s like humans after all, but this was entirely different.

“God, how much did you cum?” Laughing, you shift until you can see between you both. His cock has slipped out of you now, resting against his thigh and shiny with your own excitement. But your thighs and his groin are beginning to become covered in white cum as it drips out of you.

“Well...you did tell me to get you pregnant.” Is all he says, his face innocent and you laugh loudly at that. Nodding slowly, you kiss him once more and enjoy how comfortable he is with you. There’s not much you wouldn’t do for him, you decide to yourself.

“I guess I did. You did a good job...baby boy.” Teasing him for how much he likes his submissive nickname, you watch as his face screws up into a scowl and he goes to reach for you. But you dance out of the way, moving off the bed and heading to the bathroom while he whines quietly.

“Please don’t call me that in public. I’d never live it down.” He begs and you pause at the door frame, looking back at him with a smirk and a raised eyebrow.

“Well...I guess the only solution to that is that you give me a reason to make sure I only use it in private...right?”

[lov3nerdstuff]

Hi Kay!

I just wanted to take a moment and say how deeply moving (and overall comforting) I find your writing to be! I've gone through almost the entirety of your masterlist twice in the past month alone and have found myself returning more often to the pieces of literature/poems your reference sometimes. (Especially that one poem by Benedict Smith! I've read a few more by him because of you and they're just wonderfully lovely 💛 so I'm eternally thankful to you for including it.)

I may be wrong in assuming, but I believe you may have studied/are currently studying a degree involving literature. I hope this isn't too foreward of me but I was wandering if you have any other works of literature that you'd recommend? (I'd love to read anything you recommend from poems to plays 💛) I'm slightly embaressed to say but the works I've read are quite limited to a highschool level and since I'm currently studying Pharmacy, there are very few people who can recommend me such moving works. :)

I also feel like I should apologise for writing such a large ask, so please accept this apology as well hehe 💕🥺

Sincerely,

Bek 🌻

Hey there Bek 💚💕✨

First of all... I'm incredibly sorry for how long it took me to reply to this ask, I know you sent it weeks ago and I'm honestly just ashamed of myself for only replying now! I've been taking a bit of a Tumblr break again, or rather a break from literally everything, and I guess not having written anything in a while made me feel guilty whenever I opened Tumblr, so... All I can say for myself really is that I'm sorry you had to wait so long! Again, I never ever ignore anyone, I promise! It just sometimes takes a while for me to reply 😅🙈

Now, I'm so happy to hear that you've been enjoying my writing! 🥺🥰 Hearing that it's comforting and inspiring to you is honestly such a relief and indeed does make me happy more than I can say 💚 It's so cool that you're checking up on all the references I make aaahhh 🥺🥺🥺 I love it 😁 You're always more than welcome, love! I don't think I could stop including references to literature, culture, history and the science around it even if I tried 😅☺️

And yeah, I did study classics and newer literature as a minor for my undergrad degree 😄 But tbh I still work with literally a lot even now (I'm in grad school for media and cultural studies) even though it's technically not something I've been properly taught ☺️ I'm just a nerd who likes to learn on her own, and with media and culture you can pretty much delve into almost anything you want 😂😅🤷🏻‍♀️

Now, it's not forward at all to ask me for literature recommendations! 😁😃 I truly love recommending stuff!!! I have a few up my sleeve, even though you've probably heard of a few already, for obvious reasons: A lot of what I truly enjoyed reading was something Tom Hiddleston has worked on in one way or another! It's truly a magnificent guideline for picking new literature... Just look up the literary origins of his films/shows/plays and you will be in for quality literature most of the time! I don't think I've ever mentioned it on here, but me reading High-Rise (JG Ballard) because I heard Tom would be partaking in the film adaptation was actually what sparked my love and passion for literature!!! Yep, it's that good. Now on to the recommendations though 😁(This... got rather long):

Plays

Anything by Harold Pinter really, but for obvious reasons you'll find a lot of additionally fun stuff for Betrayal, which is lovely and truly funny if you're in on the kind of humour btw

Medea by Euripides (a classic, but I love it nonetheless... You can find translations in almost every language) ((and pls stay away from Seneca's Medea, because ugh... Euripides is far better AND the og story, as much as anyone can say that for Greek mythology)

La Bohème by Puccini (I know, this is technically an opera, but if you read the libretto it's honestly just like a play... And if you're up for it, the og story is in prose and written by Henri Murger... It's better than the opera, but oftentimes more difficult to find) ((this one is hilarious and basically explains an entire cultural subgroup in the 19th century)

Faust by Goethe (many people hate it, but I LOVE this one!!! It's also been translated into any and every language, and it's so interesting philosophically!!! It's also referenced SO freaking often literally everywhere, and the operas and ballets based on it are always my fave) ((there's technically Faust I and Faust II, but you're good to go just reading the first one)

Anything by Shakespeare, obviously... Though I do love me my Hamlet like every other literature enthusiast (Yes, I can do that one famous soliloquy in act 3 scene 1 by heart as well...)

Poetry

Again, anything Shakespeare for the win, but I LOVE the sonnets and keep a copy of them with me most of the time (Yes, I own multiple copies of the sonnets...) ((My faves are 116 and 91, but there's always so much truth to be found in there!!!))

A lot of the stuff William Blake wrote is amazing, though you have to pick carefully with him if certain religious motives aren't your thing... I love The Tyger, which is an individual poem, and the collection of works called Tyger, Tyger which does have many good ones and a few ones that are a little more on the mediocre side

Do not go gentle into that good night by Dylan Thomas (I know this one by heart as well... It's beautiful, and there's a version of Hiddleston reading it on YouTube, which gives you even more goosebumps than the poem does anyway)

Invictus by William Ernest Henley (same for this one, also read by the one and only) ((I love to read this when I'm feeling down or powerless))

The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock by T. S. Eliot (This is another wow piece with many quotable lines and truths... I love it a lot and keep coming back to it! It's also a great example of how literary modernism tried to condense the complexity and passing of time and history into a single frame that had to be intrinsically poetical in nature... As in, this poem could've been a short story in any other period, but modernists loved to make everything a poem so here you go)

Der Zauberlehrling by Goethe (This one sucks in all English translations I’ve found, poetically speaking, but in German it’s such a fun piece! If you’ve ever seen the Disney ‘The Sorcerer’s Apprentice’ with Mickey Mouse or listened to the orchestral piece by Paul Dukas, then this poem proves very useful in truly understanding either! But again, the English translation should only be taken for informational value... The German one is also worded hilariously)

Prose

Short edited by Alan Ziegler (This is a collection of short prose forms that honestly is a must for me... I love this book to pieces and have had it for years now! It’s an international anthology, so you’ll find more and less famous authors from all around the world represented with short stories, prose poems, short essays and just curious and interesting snippets of writing! I draw a lot of inspiration from this book)

High-Rise by JG Ballard (As mentioned above, I owe this book part of my personality... I don’t think I would be the same person without having read it. It’s not necessarily full of wisdom, but if you’re interested in a different kind of portrayal of the human condition, then this is the read you need to take a look at)

The City of Dreaming Books by Walter Moers (This is another piece that changed my perception of literature, even though this is a more ordinary and ‘fun’-value read... It’s one of my favourite books and it’s endlessly entertaining! So if the classics are a bit heavy for you, this one is perfect for casual readers as well! Its value really does lie more in the realisation of how fun literature can be, and the freedom you have as an author... So really, I could recommend everything by Moers, his style is amazing both in the German original and in the English translation. Yes, I’ve read both.)

Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett (This is comedic gold, stylistic gold and generally a bloody perfect book. Also a ‘fun’-value read, but it also does a magnificent job at showing you what you can do with literature, and how well-developed characters are supposed to be written)

The Penguin Book of the Undead (Penguin Classics) edited by Scott G. Bruce (This book is basically an education on fifteen hundred years of supernatural encounters and how culture wrote, used and perceived them. You get introductory texts for different periods and social groups, explaining how and why ghost stories were written and used, followed by passages of the prime source texts (eg. ancient necromancy shown on The Odyssey). Really, this book is just for cultural history nerds)

The Earthquake in Chile by Kleist (This isn’t necessarily one of my faves, but it has helped me understand what studying literature and culture can do for you. In case anyone remembers my insistence in Wicked Game that you gotta know what a pomegranate symbolises... this novella is such an instance where this knowledge would prove useful. Generally, it gives many opportunities to think about privilege and circumstance)

The Symposium by Plato (You’ll probably not want to read the entire collection of speeches tbh... But the concepts introduced mainly here and in some of Plato’s other work are well worth looking into! For example, the ‘double being’ introduces a concept that in modern fiction is called soulmates... Just sayin’)

[seventhrounder]

I went thru my folder with old hockey magazines I had saved from around 2011 to 2015 and came across this one and thought it could be a fun to make a post about now in hindsight.

This is Jääkiekko magazine from May 2012, they always have a section of "99 questions with ..." and in this issue they interviewed Teräväinen.

I’ve translated the questions I found interesting under the cut! It ended up being about half of the interview. (*) are my additions.

On the cover "seuraava superjokeri" means the next super joker, he played for Helsingin Jokerit so it's a word play from that. Under, on the blue print it says: "The 17-year-old forward will become a first round draft pick in the summer. The natural goal scorer can dominate in SM-Liiga as soon as next season."

In the 2nd photo the headline and lead paragraph goes:

"A post with dents* - A year ago Teuvo Teräväinen was known only within a small number of hockey insiders. Few passers-by recognize him now either but after a flashy rookie season the Jokerit sensation is on the radar of every NHL team and is a strong contender to become a first round draft pick. Next season with Jokerit the talented second line center will be one of the main talking points in the SM-Liiga."

(*references the net Teräväinen had in his backyard and into which he practiced his shooting)

3. You've been described as a magician, top scorer, wunderkind and a prodigy. What do you think of these descriptions?

TT: Heh, those are some descriptions yeah. What can I really say? Don't really wanna comment on them much.

4. How nervous are you about the Draft?

TT: I try not to be nervous as best as I can. In a way I don't have anything to be nervous about since I don't care which team picks me or at what number I go.

6. Which is stressing you more, English interviews or physical tests?

TT: Maybe both. Bench press (laughs) and English interviews can be tough.

12. How far along have you planned your career with, for example, your parents or your agent?

TT: Haven't really planned things with others but I've thought about them myself. I try to go step by step and not jump too far ahead.

14. How does it feel to be so young with all the star players in Jokerit?

TT: How to say it? I haven't felt like I was young but a part of the team instead. The team's been very good with me and they haven't been looking down at me like: "oh he's young". It's been fun to play in an experienced team.

15. Is there a generational gap between players?

TT: You can see the age difference, older players look older but we're all childish, at least with our topics.

17. What does a 17-year-old do in the sauna nights of the team?

TT: I actually haven't been in any yet. I've always been at national team's camps or something.

19. Did you get the number you wanted?

TT: I did, yeah. I could've taken #18 but Semir (Ben-Amor) has it. But i'm happy with #86, it's good.

23. What are your strengths as a player?

TT: Offensive play and with that playing with the puck, passing, IQ, power play and skill, just the usual skill - skill with hands.

24. And weaknesses?

TT: They are to do with defensive play, strength and physicality. Battles and such but I think I took a step forward last season. That's a good thing.

25. Have you ever been "pressed into a mold" or has your playing style gotten to develop naturally?

TT: As a kid the play was mostly offensive/attacking, I didn't have to think about playing defence. Up until 15 years old, I got to attack pretty freely. Playing defence became more important when I started to play in A-juniors a couple seasons ago.

26. On a scale from 1 to 10 how determined are you?

TT: Maybe 8, feels like an 8.

32. What kind of role are you planning to take with Jokerit next season?

TT: I think a pretty big one. I try to be a top player and not just take others' example but give others example myself too. So that someone in the team can take something out of the way I do things on the ice and off the ice.

35. If you could pick anyone, who would be your car driver?

TT: Nico Manelius for sure. He's been my driver this season. I've had others too, like Riku Hahl but he's not nearly at the same level. Nico’s clearly the best.

36. What are the most important qualifications to be a good driver?

TT: The car is obviously important. Hahl's car is totally awful, he takes a lot of heat for it from the guys too. I wouldn't dare driving with him. Manelius is a steady performer, never lets you down.

38. What sports did you play as a 10-year-old?

TT: Hockey and floorball, probably football (soccer) during the summers at the time too.

42. When did you decide to focus only on hockey?

TT: So when I stopped playing other sports? Three years ago, before that floorball was kind of a side thing, I played a couple of games in the regular season and playoffs.

45. Do you follow floorball or other sports? Go to games?

TT: I don't go to games but I like to watch floorball on TV, it's an interesting sport. Sometimes I watch football too but I don't follow it much. Feels like they never score there.

47. Have you ever played with a wooden stick?

TT: As a kid I did play with a wooden stick.

49. You won the hockey players' golf tournament last summer even though there were more experienced players too. Are you good with all stick games?

TT: Well, I've been pretty good in all of them. I've played golf for a long time and still play it.

50. How is your swing?

TT: Pretty bold, kind of a hockey swing. I don't really care where the ball goes - as long as it goes far.

52. What do you think of off-ice training?

TT: Let's just say it's more stupid than being on the ice but you still gotta do it to be better on the ice.

56. Which word describes your professional relationship (with his coach, Tomek Valtonen), tranquil or colorful?

TT: Colorful of course. At times we're joking around, other times it's more serious but the relationship is really good.

57. Coaching you has been described in many words: good, bad, worse. What are they?

TT: Heh, well... I won't tell them here. He (Tomek) keeps the discipline during practices but sometimes when things haven't gone to a plan I've had to jump on an exercise bike in the middle of a practice.

58. What have been the reasons?

TT: I'll quote Tomek: "when I haven't been present".

59. Have you ever tried to turn the resistance of the bike to zero?

TT: (Laughs) Of course I have and sometimes I've even succeeded.

60. Describe your diet in three words?

TT: Greasy, healthy and good!

64. Your first name is not common for people your age. How did your parents come up with it?

TT: I actually don't even know. Maybe they didn't want a usual Ville*....

(*very common name for men of all ages in Finland)

66. Which of these is the most important: skill, unexpectedness or courage?

TT: Skill!

68. Your longest video game stint?

TT: Six hours, at least. I've played a lot of War of Duty lately.

72. The dumbest thing that has made you upset in hockey?

TT: Probably if I didn't get an assist on a goal even though I should have. Or even worse is if I score and they mark it down for someone else.

79. Have you had any concussions?

TT: I haven't had any, I've managed to always dodge them.*

(*ouch, tho it's good the recent one is his only as far as i remember)

84. In 2011 Team Finland finished in the 5th place at the U-18 tournament. Why only as 5th?

TT: Because we lost to Team Russia in the quarter final, just as well we could have won that game too.

89. You didn't get to be on the ice to accept the SM-Liiga bronze medal (because of the U-18's). When and where did you get it?

TT: I actually still haven't received it, I don't know where it is.

93. What is the population of Helsinki?

TT: There's like 5 million people in Finland so maybe around 500k in Helsinki? (to be exact 596k) Did i really get it right...?

94. Who's the mayor of Helsinki?

TT: I don't know, I barely know the president.

95. Do you think the municipalities in the capital city area should merge?

TT: Luckily I don't have to decide but they probably shouldn't.

96. What do you check first in the news paper?

TT: The sports section.

97. Your favorite tv show?

TT: Putous* was pretty good, I liked a lot of the characters. The grandma was pretty good.

(*Finnish live improvisation comedy/sketch show (there are still new seasons, the latest just finished). Every actor comes up with a humor character with a catchy phrase and one of them wins. "The grandma" is Marja Tyrni and I just got such flashbacks from typing this sentence.)

98. Last book you read?

TT: I don't read many books. The last book was a study book, a Finnish book. I wrote an essay on Tiki (Esa) Tikkanen's biography. An eventful book, great career and a lot of chirps.

99. Who should we ask the 99 questions next?

TT: Riku Hahl could have good stories, he's also seen a lot of the world.

[lol-q]

There’s so many things I love about the show that I haven’t seen people give enough credit for and I want to go on a little ramble because people are focusing so much on what they don’t like vs. what they do. So here’s my list. Sorry for the grammatical errors 😬

I love that the lesbian main character is this sweet, innocent, big hearted young woman and not portrayed as a overly sexual fuckboi that hits on every woman. I love that Fatou is soft and gentle. More lesbian rep like that please

I love the soundtrack. It’s exactly the type of stuff I imagine Fatou would listen to and it’s not just the top 100 hit songs.

I love that they use the soundtrack as a way to connect to the plot line, like the lyrics to the song Fatou was listening to when she was on the rooftop said “And I hate to leave you feeling all alone.But your story cannot start until you've grown. You can find how to be OK on your own. I just can't be the one that makes you feel at home” which was a hint as to where the plot was going

^^ also the song playing during Kieu My and Fatou’s museum date

I love the little mannerisms Nhungi chooses to show as Kieu My. The happy little bounce she did in ep 1 when she called out Fatou’s name and when she subtly checked Fatou out by looking her up and down.

I love how their rooms show their individual personality so well. Like Fatou’s room in the beginning of the season was normal and then it became increasingly messy as the episodes moved forward, showing her stress and chaos in her life

I love the height difference between Fatou and her brother lol

I love when her brother and her were thinking of what to get their parents so they split the bill on a gift - a very subtle way of showing siblings interacting

I love when Fatou and Ismail interact cuz it’s so funny

I love the physics teachers speaking voice, he sounds like kermit the frog

I love fatou’s eyebrows. Idk it’s just so perfect. Give me tips plz

I love that the characters rewear clothing. And it’s not a show where every episode is a new outfit with new clothes. Very realistic and it always bothered me when teens on highschool on tv have new clothes every episode

I love that Fatou’s original bio on tinder was “wanna cuddle?”. I feel like that girl would rather cuddle with someone than win the lottery. She’s so soft (also why did it say she was 24 in ep 2 when she was on tinder lol)

I love that the show showed the struggles of coming from a bilingual family and being the only one that struggles to speak it. When fatou was talking to her grandparents with her brother and her brother had to translate for her and it was awkward af, I felt that. I’m the youngest in my family and I struggle to speak Tagalog so people have to translate for me sometimes and it sucks.

^^ I relate to fatou so much in that scene cuz the dynamic in my family is the same as Fatou’s. My parents lay off and let me and my brother do our thing unless there’s an indication we need their help. The only time I ever spoke about school with my family was when report cards would come and they would see my grades weren’t that good. I remember my mom seeing I had a D in middle school and automatically jumping to conclusiosn without letting me speak. My brother is academically successful and he would also try and get me to do more school stuff when I was younger. Like he would make me do math problems to help with my grades. So it’s all very relatable for me

I love when Fatou sings, her voice is so soft and smooth.

I love whenever Kieu My and fatou are flirting both so blatantly and yet so subtly. Like the tension is there but it’s still awkward despite how smooth they both try to be it’s so adorable

I love how Fatou and Kieu My are so confident flirting and talking to eachother through texting but when it’s irl it’s still awkward and new. It shows the reality of an actual relationship in the making. It’s not just a full head dive into “I love you”.

I love when they were at the table tennis bar place and Fatou was hyping up Ava when there were dudes looking at them and Ava did a fancy ass turn and smile. She’s so pretty

I love that Fatou’s problems were shown in subtle ways in the beginning with money. Counting money at her job and when she wa trying to pay for the drink at the bar. It was a small interaction but in real life it would cause a lot of stress and anxiety if money counting problems kept happening over and over again

I love Yara and Josh’s friendship. More platonic friendship between a male and a female please. Also more Yara in general please.

I love that Zoe owned up to her actions last year to the entire group (minus Ismail Constantine and Kieu my) on New Years. I see her owning up to the role as Nora’s big sister.

I love when Josh was drinking a lot during New Years and Fatou was trying to get him to slow down. It shows how big her heart is for her friends. Also I think Josh and Fatou could be great friends

I love that Kieu My looks at Fatou like she hung the stars. When Fatou mentioned she knew Kieu My was a Scorpio, it’s the first time I’ve ever seen that girl smiled so big (before episode 5 of course)

I love that whenever they kiss Kieu my is smiling.

I love Sira’s side profile. There I said it. Girl has the jawline of a Greek goddess.

I love that they change Fatou’s hair. She looks good in every hair style but it’s always nice to see her in different styles.

I love that they showed the struggles of being a passive and gentle person. Because we’re not assertive in regular everyday life we are easily looked over. And it’s hard for us to muster the gusto to be assertive and take what we need because we prefer shying away from conflict and just letting things flow. I relate to fatou’s character so much in that sense. I lowkey think this is the universe’s way of telling me to stop being so passive about life and to take charge idk.

I love that the topic of white savior and performative activism was touched on. And I love that it was between two friends because it’s very realistic to how dynamics work between young people these days. The way they handle it differs in opinion but the fact that they even spoke about it was great.

I love that moment when Kieu My wrapped the vietnamese pancake in the lettuce snd handed it to Fatou. Its so sweet. If I was Fatou I would have forgiven her right then and there lol

I LOVE THE HEIGHT DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE TWo. YES MORE HEIGHT DIFFERENCE.

Episode 6. Just all of it. Even the angsty part. I want more of that. Episode 6 yes. I’ll marry episode 6

Kieu My wearing Fatou’s cardigan. 💕💕💕💕💕💕✨✨✨✨✨😫😫💕✨✨🥺

^^ but also as a person that tried bangs before, you can’t tell me that girl woke up with her bangs perfectly in place lol. This girl probably bought a mini straightener or something too

Fatou telling Kieu My it doesn’t matter if she wears make up or not rather than going off on how she looks prettier without it. She’s just like “it doesn’t matter. You’re pretty no matter what, my little space nerd”

Pissed off fatou is a hot fatou. Js

I love Sira’s acting in general. But the way she shows Fatou’s sadness is great. It’s not just tears and that’s it. When she got fired it was a build up of tears but she wasn’t sobbing, same thing with the cashqueens argument. But she broke when her and Kieu My got in a fight.

Finn being socially awkward. It’s so funny cuz Zoe is this bubbly party girl and her boyfriend is so awkward. Nice balance.

^^also his hair makes me laugh idk why

Ismail opening up to Fatou shows how so many people feel at ease with her. Girl has a calming presence for everybody, she doesn’t even realize how much she’s helped others.

I love that Constantine wears the same jacket over and over again. Idk it seems to fit his character.

^^also kudos to the actor who plays him, he’s doing an amazing job

Love Fatou. Love her dimples and her soft voice. She gets all high pitched when she’s normally speaking but when she was fighting with Kieu My her voice became lower. Just love the way Sira’s voice sounds. Also Nhungi’s speaking voice.

Love the shaky camera movements. The fast pans and the slow motion dance scenes.

Love the aesthetic of Kieu My smoking but PLEASE DONT SMOKE, CHILDREN. ITS BAD FOR YOU.

Love the different aesthetics of the cashqueens

Love maike. Great actress. Give this turtle an Oscar.

Love Kieu My climbing the roof to help her Fatou. Softie to her girlfriend but an ice queen to the world lol.

Love the actors. Love the characters. It just makes me so happy.

This is so well written, i might actually cry no but really it was really nice to read your positive and cuteee facts after the tag check :/ and it really helped because i get mad and sad when i see bad takes. Everything you said was so true and i think im fangirling over this essay. And it made me emotional 👉👈.  Represantation does really matter.

This season is so important for so many people and i don’t think some people realize that when they’re ‘’criticizing’’ some things. Not only we have a lesbian main, we have a black lesbian main who is the softest person in the world and she has LD and/or ADHD. I sometimes can’t believe we got to the point of skamverse where we get rep instead of hurtful,problematic seasons and plots, some might interpret that as shade but it really isn’t, careless storylines really does hurt ppl and why would you want to hurt people when you can give 8 min of sapphic museum date instead 👭🌌 :)

i love this season, i love this gen and i love this essay

[wishblown]

When you die and go for judgement God will sit there and infinitely not say anything and you’ll do all the damning work yourself.

— Glen Duncan; The Last Werewolf

August Reads!

Kassandra by Christa Wolf — 4.75/5: Christa Wolf my beloved <3 idk if I liked this better than her Medea but I really did adore this one; such a good retelling/new interpretation (?) that doesn’t reframe Kassandra as simply a victim or a modern new-wave girlboss but a three dimensional human being, a person responding to her circumstances, a woman trapped in her times and condemned by a future she cannot help but see, it’s so good bc Wolf just gets it: she lets Kassandra be scared and selfish and ignorant bc she’s human but she’s also brave bc there’s no alternative; she sees, she has to

Voraussetzungen einer Erzählung: Kassandra by Christa Wolf — 4/5: companion piece to Wolf’s Kassandra that I read right afterwards; it’s a series of lectures and notes on the books and it’s conception which was really interesting to read after the novel; I learned a little about literary theory and more on the mythology behind Kassandra (didn’t know much about it before, shame on me) but also the feminist reading of these topics and Wolf’s intentions behind her text/how it came to be; there was also an essay on current affairs (now no longer ‘current’, it’s from the 80s, though I do think it still applies) which I read more than once because the connections Wolf made between contemporary politics, feminist theory, and Kassandra were incredibly interesting

Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky — 4/5: my first Dostoevsky! and I’m really happy with it (and the German translation I got); I enjoyed the style of writing and the story arch/progression that let you explore the depth of the characters; I didn’t always love how he portrayed all his female characters (product of the time I guess) but overall his characters and the interactions between them really made this bc they were so flawed and had so much depth in their very human errors and attempts to make things right (for themselves at the very least); looking forward to reading another one!

Little Weirds by Jenny Slate — 4.75/5: such a lovely read and a breath of fresh air; her use of language felt so genuine in its simplicity yet in this simplicity she’s able to evoke such a range of emotions and depth; her metaphors and mantras never felt silly even when they were silly perhaps that ‘silliness’ or childlike way she would sometimes break things down with her big imagination even helped to bridge the gap to bigger, more ‘complex’ feelings she was talking about idk; I took so many notes; great read

The Last Werewolf by Glen Duncan — 3.5/5: this one kinda frustrated me because on the one hand it was written so beautifully with a compelling story and an interesting protagonist and I mean genuinely beautiful prose and heartfelt inner monologue of the protagonist but then oh boy the treatment of sex and sexuality and women in that kinda context just bothered me and eventually even began to annoy me. I get that the author was trying to put these things at odds and show the protagonist’s animalistic side and whatever but at a certain point I’ve read too many descriptions of what someone’s cunt and anus smell like or how much his cock reacts (not exaggerating), I got it yk? And it really took me out of the story a few times. Didn’t like the ending either; seemed very “a woman’s fate” to me idk, idk the women fit into a few specific roles and it icked me out a little sometimes — you could just tell it was written by a man i guess. but then it was also so good!!! I’m conflicted

Justiz (The Execution of Justice) by Friedrich Dürrenmatt — 4/5: I feel like you either like Dürrenmatt or you don’t? I fall into the former category and I did like this one as well, though I’m not sure if it’s my favourite. I like simply like his style, the mix of dry Swiss humour and social commentary + character study, he often does. Justiz is an interesting read bc the entire time you know what happened, you know who’s the murderer, but you also already know that the judicial system has failed. So what else is this about? What game is being played? Ofc there are issues with Dürrenmatt (sexism much, antiziganism too) so you gotta read critically but that’s the case with anything I think.

[blysse-and-blunder]

in lieu of a -- wait did i not just do this

uh 7:30 pm, june 27, 2021

did i not just fucking do this?? what is summer time. summer reading updates under the cut!

reading making gradual progress on a bunch of my summer reads. i didn’t make a plan or a book list, though i have admired those of you who have-- that kind of forethought! intention behind your choices? putting together a priority list or a plan? couldn’t be me. anyway, currently on the main burner(s), i’ve got:

- a canticle for leibowitz, walter m. miller, jr. i sank a good hour or two into this one this afternoon, and as much as i want to interrogate the premise (why would medieval-ish catholicism survive a nuclear apocalypse versus like, anything else?), there’s some underlying stuff going on that i enjoy. will try to finish, about halfway through.

- the poppy war, r. f. kuang. i’ve hit part two, the lore training has kicked into gear, and i’m vibing a bit more with the style. i wasn’t sure there was going to be magic but i think it looks like there is? i’ve also heard this one gets heavy, so...something to look forward to. there’s been plenty of drugs and violence, but none of it has been too, too graphic-- the unhealthy study methods have bothered me more! also bc that’s where i’ve been like...clearly this is fantasy. clearly a real human could not learn like this.

- watership down, richard adams. the rabbits have reached the down, holly and bluebell (?) have shown up (i managed not to be scarred by the ghostly black rabbit moments, the story of what happened to their original warren was far worse imho), they’re following hazel’s plan to take care of other creatures (mice, birds) in order to gain allies, and bigwig is tending to his gull. this definitely isn’t like most of the other animal-protag novels i’ve read, and i’m enjoying it. best of all, maybe, they’re finally realizing something that occurred to me in chapter one, which is that there are no female characters? at all? and that they’ll need to fix that-- for rabbit-procreation reasons, ofc, but also i really hope that translates to, you know. actual female characters.

- the book of delights, ross gay. tumblr recommended this to me, accidentally, through screenshots of the ‘carrying a tomato seedling through an airport’ essay. it’s a year’s worth of daily essays where gay writes about delight. they’re usually quick to read, but beautiful-- i don’t like to speed through them, despite the informality and breezy style, because they often make me think or want to savor them for a minute. a little over halfway through.

- the dark lord of derkholm, diana wynne jones.  about 25% through. derk just summoned the blue demon by accident and of course that’s...going super well. this a ‘read to relax before bed’ book and i know i’ve written about it here before anyway, so i’ll just say-- still good.

- interesting times, terry pratchett. woof. it’s interesting reading this alongside the poppy war (and after some of the other takes on fantasy!china i’ve read this spring, the grace of kings and under heaven , just to mention novels) and realize how...it’s just uninformed. like he’s doing his usual pterry-discworld-hyperbole-and-humor thing, and maybe there’ll be a funny line or turn of phrase on each page, but the overall direction of the satire is...about obedience and about subservience, and it unfortunately rings as hella superior and not all that clever. another one i read to fall asleep, about 45% through.

listening, watching were both pretty fallow this week. more water time (watching the anime free!) with @hematiterings and @pep-squad-lizzie, and the promise of future untamed time with them, @dimir-charmer, and even newly minted phd candidate @dinosauriaawesome (!!!!!), but i haven’t watched much of note on my own. maybe some word of honor, in which case the thoughts would be “scorpion and his ~godfather~ are my favorite villains but wtf even is their dynamic, oh no xie’er is doing that thing with his eyes again and while it is pretty he is not permitted to be sad!! make xie’er less sad!!” and “ye baiyi is a Wholeass Mood and possibly my favorite part of the show, idk”, with a side-helping of “okay, okay, this plot is starting to be mildly engaging” bc we’ve gotten more wen kexing backstory.

playing spent longer than i should have back with ultramoon this weekend, hunting an abra and trying not to scream at the incessant magnemites. also bought my little trainer some new duds, including sweet blue knee socks, got her hair did, etc. why do i have the hardest time nicknaming these little virtual monsters? i swear it takes me 15 min to choose a moniker for each (though on the plus side, having done that helps me overcome my distaste for the boring/weird ones, which i’m sure is the point. nothing like naming something to help you view a thing as cute...sorry grimer).

making going to say that organizing the garage and basement on saturday counts here, because we made space and it made me happy and also oh thank god, the diminished chaos in the living room is such a relief.

working on started reading an academic article written in welsh on...thursday last week? and i’m nearly on page two!! the excitement here is definitely tinged with a lottle bit of panic!

[infinites-chaser]

are you still doing the librarian thing? Can I request hmmm#14 with Lucien please? Thank you and I love your writing!!!!

this. is SO LATE but anon I was planning one thing and then finals came and then the holidays and then Lucien’s theater date happened and I was inspired to do another thing bc Shakespeare and tragedies is my absolute JAM. this is rly just an excuse to draw parallels and analyze characters and themes from both mlqc and lear and there is so much talking. and it ended up. a little very pretentious but I'm not sorry I love shakespeare there is a Kiss tho :> and I think. that counts for SOmething

14 + Lucien/MC (Second Person POV bc it just felt more right)

‘Hear the words like it’s the first time you’ve heard them.’- If We Were Villains, M. L. Rio.

lowkey spoilers for Lucien’s Theater Date, which you can read a translation of here <3 but rly the main thing I’m absolutely capitalizing on is the fact MC/Lucien were hosts for a production of King Lear so really, spoilers for King Lear long story short it’s arguably shakespeare’s biggest tragedy Everyone is Sad and Dies awiofjklsds

“It’s interesting, really.”

Lucien’s voice, as quiet as it is, is clearly audible to you over the scattered applause from where you both linger in the wings, waiting to re-emerge and close out the show. Onstage, the actors take their last bows amidst the cheers, their characters resurrected for one final moment of glory before the curtain falls.

You pause in your clapping to cast him a sidelong look.

“What is?”

“Why King Lear, of all plays?”

“For students to choose to perform, you mean?” You frown, suddenly thoughtful. “I guess you’re right, it is strange-- it’s not exactly a crowd-pleaser, not to mention it’d be hard to find a talented actor mature enough to play Lear, and be believable as an old man, too.”

“Their Lear did great, though,” you add on hastily, as the actor steps forward into the spotlight and sweeps into a deep, dramatic bow, fake beard clutched in one hand, Lear’s crown in the other. “I didn’t expect that from a twenty-year-old at all!”

“You think so?”

“Mm. I just--” you break off. Take a breath. Try to rearrange your thoughts.

"I guess I'm a little biased,” you say. “I like Lear. A lot."

Around Lucien, it’s not often that you feel you can keep up with his seemingly endless knowledge and his quick wit, but you’d read Lear in high school English class, and the teacher had made you all go over the lines with a fine-toothed comb.

You’d wrung the meaning out of each carefully-phrased soliloquy back then, and gotten full marks on the essay you’d written on it, on Cordelia and her sisters, and what it meant to be selfless, what it meant to love. But it hadn’t been until college that you’d understood it, understood Cordelia, felt every inch of her care for her father, her devotion to him, to her ideals, to honest, true love above all else.

You’d read Lear again, after one fateful night, one call from the hospital. The nurse’s I’m sorry. Your phone, falling from numb fingers.

The funeral.

You’d read Lear again in the dark, grey days that had followed, and it’d felt frustrating, it had all felt so futile, for Cordelia to love and love in her own way and not know how to properly express it, not until it was too late, not until the very end. (It had felt human, too human-- and you’d loved every word of it, despite the tragedy. You’d vowed to never be too late ever again.)

“Ah.” Lucien’s gentle interjection brings you back out of your thoughts.

Has he been waiting this whole time for me to continue? You wonder, your cheeks heating at the thought. You open her mouth, ready to apologize, but his next words cut you off.

“Your father,” he says, dark gaze unreadable. “That’s why you like Lear.”

You nod.

“I-- I like thinking I understand Cordelia,” you mumble.

“Do you think it should’ve turned out differently, then? Did she deserve her ending?”

“I don’t know,” you admit. “I just think... She and her father get to make up and maybe they finally understand one another, but then-- she just dies. For no reason.”

“Does death need a reason?”

There’s some dark undercurrent to his voice, a cold, lurking thing that nearly gives you pause, but you answer anyway.

“Maybe it doesn’t. Maybe it never really will ever make sense, no matter how much we think about it... What we could’ve done differently. What we did wrong. But I don’t think she had to die. Not her, or Lear, either.”

“So you think it should’ve ended differently. Happier?”

“No,” you start. You falter. “I don’t know, I guess. Not really.”

He shrugs. When he speaks again, his voice is warm again, tone light, teasing.

“Speak what you feel,” he quotes, “not what you ought to say.”

You huff. He smiles and waits. After a long moment, you finally reply.

“On one hand, it’s sad. There’s much death over a misunderstanding.”

“But?” He prompts. You swallow.

“But, maybe there’s more to it than just sadness. There’s some hope in the tragedy of it all. Or, at least, I like to think there is. After all, Cordelia and Lear-- they get their feelings across to each other, before the end.”

“Hope,” he murmurs. Then, more hesitant than you’ve ever heard him: “And what about Edmund?”

“The villain,” he says, half to himself, “Edmund.”

There’s a question hidden in his question, you know. There are parallels he’s trying to draw. You reach for his hand instinctively. He lets you take it, and you hope the warmth of your interlaced fingers takes the bite out of your next words.

“Edmund betrayed his kingdom,” you say, and Lucien’s hand stiffens under yours. “He betrayed his brother.“

“A traitor,” he agrees, detached and carefully calm. “A villain.”

“A villain on necessity,” you quote as response. Then, quieter, more gentle: “Yet Edmund was beloved.”

“Was he?”

You nod. His fingers tighten around yours, and he tugs you closer, deeper into the stage curtain’s shadows, ‘til there are bare inches between you and him. His eyes seek yours in the dim light.

“Is he still?” He asks, leaning in close, voice low. You know he’s asking about himself, not Edmund, he has been all along.

“He is,” you say. “He always will be.”

Your words are all the invitation he needs to close the remaining distance between his lips and yours. It’s a hungry kiss, almost desperate. as if at any moment he’s afraid this moment will end, but you loop your arms around his neck, deepen the kiss, draw him closer, memorize the feel of his mouth on yours, one hand gripping your waist, the other tracing down your back to the butterfly brooch, the nerves of your spine a wild flutter in his fingers’ wake.

He pauses at the small of your back, his hovering hand a silent question. You whisper a yes against his lips as answer. A smile ghosts over his lips. He kisses you even harder than before.

The butterfly falls.

[wedreamedlove]

Xu Mo and Loneliness [Character Study]

Surprise! It's essay time again ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ! Disclaimer: I use CN translations because Elex...

One (of the many) things I love about Xu Mo's character is his juxtapositions [Character Study]. He is one of the loneliest men in the world due to his archetype and nature [Into Your World] but also the most susceptible to loneliness.

Throughout the game, he's dropped hints about his fear of being left behind:

"... But the sensitive artist was also afraid the butterfly would one day grow tired of being beside him, and so he thought about catching the butterfly and putting it in a glass jar. Like this, the butterfly would never be able to leave him." [Drowning in Love SSR - Artist and Butterfly Call]

"... But if I really did encounter the one and only color in my life, then I certainly wouldn't let them go." [Drowning in Love SSR - The Only Color Call]

"... No matter what the truth may be, I'll always be with you. Until the very moment it arrives... I just hope that, at that time, you won't want to push me away." [CH12 - Truth and False Call]

MC: Don't worry, I'll be alright on my own. Xu Mo: But I'm not alright alone. [CH13.4]

But, at the same time, he's accepted the adage that "'tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all":

"The grain, which is also golden, will bring me back the thought of you. And I shall love to listen to the wind in the wheat." [CH9.14]

Just to expand on this for those who are unfamiliar with The Little Prince story, when the Little Prince is going to leave the fox, the fox says that it is going to cry. The Little Prince feels that his taming of the fox has done it no good at all, because now it's hurt, but the fox denies this because now it has the color of the wheat fields.

"Since she was willing to gently embrace all that he was, then why not accept this pain in his heart that was caused by her alone." [Overseas Date]

"Forget it, he'll just be foolish once more with this foolish girl." [True Love Date]

One other aspect of his juxtapositions is how his wants and needs are in conflict and I think people are naturally picking up on this, which is why he's viewed as having a really intense relationship with the MC.

I'm just going to define my words in this context to make things clearer but a "want" is your desire in life, while a "need" is your raison d'etre, essentially your reason for living and your goal in life. It's not necessary for all stories or characters to have this, but they're certainly more captivating with this. (As an aside, Zhou Qiluo has this going for him too while Li Zeyan and Bai Qi do not... and maybe why Bai Qi keeps getting hit with the vanilla and boring label LOL).

So, what does Xu Mo want? To love the MC and, as a byproduct, never be alone again. What does he need? The continuing survival (and evolution) of humankind, even if that means walking a path that will leave people behind him and end with him being alone.

This internal conflict is something we see again and again in the game:

[CH13] He reveals his identity to her as Ares, but lets her go. He even sacrifices his eye and the ability to see her color.

[CH16] They're "enemies" and they draw a clear line between them at the news conference, but he then saves her and returns her home. He sacrifices their experience together in the dream world and his answer to her question about whether or not he'd even offer up the person important to him for his goals.

”Before I met you, I would be annoyed at the pace of the people with me. Everyone has their own destination and a person walking by themselves would be quicker. Mm, this isn't a good custom. But on my path, whenever I turn my head back, I would always find that you had already caught up to my side. This time as well. Perhaps, in this world, you're the only person who can make me unable to resist looking back. Or perhaps you're the only person who can reach my side again and again. So, in the future, I won't let go anymore. On this day, next year, you'll be at my side too.“ [2019 (2nd) Birthday Call]

Now, the entire reason I wrote up this post—LOL. I'm actually half-serious because his [Endless Path Date] is amazing in how they distilled his character to one of his core themes and represented that facet entirely in this AU date.

I'm going to be jumping around chronologically in the date to show how he was in the past, to the present before MC regained her memories, to after she regained her memories.

PAST

Xu Mo: I hope you don't regret the choice you made this day.

MC: ... I admit I hate them, but I don't wish to be the same as them because of this.

MC: I don't want to become a murderous demon.

Xu Mo seemed to be a bit surprised and then, after a few seconds, the crimson in his eyes faded and became a calm purple, scrutinizing me.

Xu Mo: A murderous demon... Do you believe that I am one as well?

His voice carried a smile, but I felt a formless pressure and sense of terror surround me and I shuddered.

MC: You aren't. You saved me.

Although the way was to turn me into a vampire... in a sense, he gave me a "new life".

Xu Mo: Save? It appears that, in your understanding, when vampires are hunting for food they are saving people.

MC: I'm just being factual. Also, the word "hunting"...

The corner of Xu Mo's lips pulled up.

Xu Mo: There's no rush. In the future, you will experience for yourself whether or not the word I used is accurate.

I was stunned and suddenly remembered the thirst towards fresh blood in that hut earlier which had dominated me.

Xu Mo seemed to have no intention of bothering himself with me again and turned around, preparing to leave.

MC: Um... please wait a moment.

He silently looked back, his expression indifferent and cold under the moonlight.

I summoned up my courage and looked straight at Xu Mo.

MC: Can... can you give me your blood?

MC: I heard that this was the only way to become a true vampire; they won't have to drink blood and they won't lose their reasoning, so...

Xu Mo: So I have to answer your request?

Xu Mo interrupted me, as if he heard something laughable.

Xu Mo: Vampires are not gods who never refuse a request. Or is it that all humans are such selfish creatures?

MC: N-not at all! In exchange, I can...

The wind blew through, rustling the leaves of the trees. Xu Mo calmly listened to my words and was silent for a long while before he lightly sighed, but it also seemed like a laugh.

Xu Mo: Alright, I agree.

Under the moonlight, the hand that was held out to me was pale and slender. I took a step forward and also stretched out my hand—

PRESENT

Xu Mo blinked, slowly without hurry, and swept his eyes over in my direction.

He saw me and didn't appear to be surprised at all; instead, it was like he knew I was there all along, witnessing everything.

His smile wasn't anything different from usual and even the way he set down his glass and held out his hand to me was like that day, two years ago.

Xu Mo: [MC], you came.

The color of crimson blurred my vision and the smell of blood was like a wave threatening to engulf me.

I felt like breathing was difficult and my legs were unsteady; I could only lean against the wall.

Xu Mo saw that I didn't move and walked directly over to me. It was as if everything around him had no effect on him and those two crimson eyes reflected only my figure.

He came to me like this, step by step, and the strange thing was... that I actually didn't feel any fear.

He raised a hand to support me and this let me see his eyes clearly. There seemed to be a faint worry in them.

FUTURE

Xu Mo: Do you remember everything?

A gentle voice landed beside my ear and, as I recalled the scenes of that night, I looked at Xu Mo and mumbled.

MC: I promised you that, no matter how long, I would always...

He blinked and those crimson eyes crumbled into purple, a faint smile appearing in them.

Xu Mo: Mm, you said you would be at my side forever.

The reason I transcribed these three scenes is because they're so good at showing his assumed indifference, to how fast he caved into the temptation of not being alone, to how he continues to hold this hope despite MC having "broken their promise", to the future where they get to walk in an endless night together forever.

IT'S SO GOOD. I'm a sucker for immortality concepts and PG nailed this vampire version so well; his ancientness in the past, the longing for companionship, and then the sharing of a life.

Anyway, I was actually going to post this essay after I read his newest Halloween card because, after seeing he was an exiled prince with Snow White themes, my guess was that it was going to have a heavy and explicit theme about loneliness again.

But I got impatient seeing as how I have to wait until the end of the event to redeem him. So, I guess I'm throwing it out there that this is my prediction??? For those who have read that date, you can tell me if I'm hot or cold LOL. I'm going to look like a fool yelling about loneliness themes if that isn't the case this time though.

MIMICRY

Semi-switching gears and bringing back my [Into Your World] post, I just want to add that in addition to being so intensely curious about the MC's world and trying to understand her, I've noticed that MC and Xu Mo share something pretty unique to them that's less obvious with the others.

This is the mimicry that they do to each other.

There's been psychological studies that looked into the social aspects of mimicry (Baaren et al 2009) and mimicry and attraction in romantic relationships (Nicolas Gueguen 2009). In short, mimicking someone appears to promote social harmony, comfort, and trust in the other person; it can also make you more attractive to them LOL.

I really don't think Xu Mo is doing this intentionally and that, instead, this supports his (alienated) scholar archetype, his hobby of people watching, and trying to understand the MC's world. The same goes for MC, she wants to understand his world and a part of that is experiencing things in his way.

The reason I believe this is less obvious (if at all apparent) with the others is because, when I compare Xu Mo's dates to Bai Qi dates, all of Bai Qi’s dates are more like experiencing activities together, which Xu Mo has as well, ex. [Winery Date], [Sunrise Date], [Hot Spring Date], etc.

But Xu Mo has dates where they specifically mimic each other, such as:

[Blossom Date] He covers her eyes, she then covers his eyes.

[Archery Date] Technically, he teaches her but after he gets bull's-eye, she copies the form he taught her and also gets bull's-eye.

[New Year's Eve] He gets taught and mimics the way she makes dumplings.

[Qixi 2018 Mini Story] He and the kids ended up copying the MC's flying fish.

[Rainy Night Date] The flashback about how she folded origami cranes and then taught him and they make strings of them.

They also—and this I swear is unique solely to Xu Mo—mimic each other's words or sentence structures and phrases:

[Blossom Date] Tao Yao poem and how they quoted it back at each other, essentially finishing each other's stanza.

[Endless Path Date] The beginning of the dates shows an inside joke between them where MC tries to ask Xu Mo difficult questions to stump him, because he can see through her. But he guesses the herbs she bought by the smell on her fingers. Later on, she guesses that he's going to a party based on his use of the cologne she made him and which he only uses for parties. She explicitly brings up the beginning and how she can deduce things about him too via scent.

[CH13.15] Xu Mo quotes 1 Corinthians 13:12 at MC and [CH16.12] MC quotes 1 Corinthians 13:2 at him.

[CH16.12] During the conference, MC literally quotes the words he said to her [CH13.17] back at him to go against him.

[Dumbstruck Date] Heck, this whole date was MC repeating words that the original Xu Mo said to her and making Winter!Xu Mo jealous as heck LOL.

Throughout the story, where MC draws her strength from how the other men are as people (Li Zeyan's stability and permanence, Bai Qi’s core of justice, etc.), she seems to draw extensively on the words Xu Mo has said to her, or references to the same body of literature.

EDIT: Forgot to mention, but IMO this is why he reacts the worst out of all the men to MC’s disappearance in Chapter 25+.

[hecallsmehischild]

Recent Media Consumed

Games

The First Tree. So, I’ve concluded that this game is not for me, but that doesn’t mean it’s bad. If anything, I’ve found it at the wrong time in my life. This is clearly a game meant to help people process grief, and I might recommend that anyone who is going through grief and loss give it a try. It might help.

Portal 2: Co-op version. SO. I can’t believe neither of us realized this… but around the same time, my husband and I realized that for years we’d both “figured we’d never get to play the co-op version of Portal 2.” HAHAHAH. We kind of sat there, stunned for a moment, and immediately dove in. MUCH FUN. And sometimes Glados has different dialogue for each player, trying to pit us against each other. Lovely extension of the game.

Books

The Housing Boom and Bust by Thomas Sowell. This was one where I didn’t understand everything, but the parts that I understood helped clarify a lot. My parents were one of the couples suckered by an institution that knew how to take advantage of the loopholes and risky creative home re-financing procedures described by Sowell. I have hazy memories of the situation because I didn’t care for finances and didn’t understand what was happening. I appreciated how Sowell tackled the failings of both political parties in this whole debacle, and the way he describes it, it stretches backwards and forwards and I can see the pattern and it is dismal and depressing. At the same time, very useful to know. It’s fairly readable and on the shorter side of his works. Very useful read.

Nutcracker and Mouse King/The Tale of the Nutcracker by E.T.A. Hoffmann/Alexandre Dumas. These two versions of the Nutcracker fairytale were paired in a Penguins Classic volume, along with a helpful introductory. I have to say that, though Hoffman’s is the original, I understand Dumas’ version far more easily. Maybe it’s a translation issue or maybe it really is a drastic difference in writing. Either way, it was interesting to read the roots of the George Ballanchine ballet I grew up watching, and getting a heavy dose of “author’s intent” lecture in the introduction.

Clara & The Nutcracker by T.K. Merchant (Jessica Kalei Sheffield). I was pointed in the direction of this story that someone had written as a follow-up to the Nutcracker story. First, I had to read the original Nutcracker story (as seen in the previous point) and then I read through this. I have mixed feelings. On the one hand, I feel this story could have benefitted from more editing work. On the other hand, I have bittersweet pangs of jealousy reading what is clearly a published (and legal) fanfiction. It’s a good story with a solid core that (IMO) just needs some more spit and polish.

12 Rules for Life by Jordan Peterson. At this point I’ve seen enough of his lectures that I’m starting to get a real feel for what he says and believes in general. That being said, this was still a very polished and condensed version of it, and well worth reading. I think I was dragged into an alley and MUGGED by his chapter about friendship. It was a big, “Ow. But. True,” feel. Some of his chapters are straightforward and concrete and some are more abstracted, so this book ranges from chapter to chapter in terms of ease in reading comprehension. This book is geared more toward chaotic type people like me. Now I’m curious what he has to say to the more orderly type people. *eyes the other book*

A Conflict of Visions by Thomas Sowell. This was interesting. It was probably medium difficulty to read because it did deal with abstract concepts but grounded them pretty thoroughly in examples and historical references. Though it’s likely clear which vision Sowell ascribes more to, this work (as far as I can tell) is an academic look at the roots, paths, strengths, and weaknesses of the political divide. I think this is a good “bridging the gap” book because it does attempt to thoroughly lay out why each side is self consistent in its beliefs and behaviors. I think it is a read that leads to deeper understanding of both sides.

The Quest for Cosmic Justice by Thomas Sowell. This is a collection of essays that overlaps other works of his (Intellectuals and Society, A Conflict of Visions, etc) but focuses on this one aspect. It is definitely not unbiased, but it’s very readable.

Movies

Loving Vincent. I’d heard about this movie, off and on, for a long time. Is it too low of a pun to say, “This movie is art”? I mean… this movie is animation… but with HAND PAINTED OILS. In the style of Van Gogh. How even??? And the dialogue is pretty good, too. There’s a lot of emotion conveyed in this film, both through the visuals and story of it all. And the flashback scenes are, sometimes, nearly photorealistic in their style. I also love how you have to piece together who Vincent was through many different peoples’ memories of him, not all flattering. It is a painful movie to watch, and ends with the iconic song dedicated to Vincent. This is quality cinema.

Missing Link. I really shouldn’t have put watching this off for so long. Laika studio’s stop motion gets smoother EVERY. FRIGGIN. FILM. Gosh… I have to believe some of these shots were just them showing off, seriously. Once you are looking for it, you can see some scenes that are just there because they’re impressive under the circumstances of it being STOP. MOTION. But they’re done well enough that they don’t detract even a tiny bit from the quality of the film (as opposed to situations where I’ve seen some films do 3D effects very intrusively). So, all that said, I didn’t enjoy the story as much. Cardboard villainy isn’t as fun for me as it used to be, so my enjoyment of the story isn’t as high as for other Laika films, but it's good for one watch through.

[strikearose]

Over a jazz tune (IchiRuki)

Here’s the translation of a little story written years ago, I hope you guys enjoy it <3 Summary: It was by pure chance that Rukia had found it one day as she was exploring the wonders hidden in the Kurosaki's attic. You can also read it on ff.net (link) and ao3 (link)

It was by pure chance that Rukia had found it as she was exploring the wonders hidden in the Kurosaki's attic. This place was truly a treasure trove and among her greatest finds were a whole bunch of out-dated items of clothing, dusty furniture and hilarious picture books. However, what that was standing before her very eyes was even more extraordinary and intriguing than anything she had ever seen before. The object had a very peculiar shape : a large sort of golden horn was fixed on top of a wooden box while a small, delicate, crank handle was anchored on the side. She felt the fabulous instrument with her fingertip, appreciating the roughness of the woodwork and the delicacy of the bronzed details.

What could be the purpose of this thing? If there was even one, of course, as her sojourns on Earth had taught her how much Humans liked to surrender themselves with objects that were utterly useless!

A smile of wonder came on her lips as she lifted the object of her dreams with her hands, eager to know more about it. Unfortunately, Rukia quickly felt disenchanted as she realized that it weighed a ton. Bringing it to the redhead's room was going to be a real pain, but she could do it on her own - she was a Kuchiki, after all!

**

His eyebrows frowned as he heard the heavy footsteps of the brunette coming in his direction. What the hell was she going to show him, now? Vintage pictures that were from a time than none of his close relatives had lived in? Other eccentric outfits that had belonged to his father long, long ago? Well - at least that was what he hoped because even he had no real interest or whatsoever in fashion, the memory of that awful purple sequined jacket still gave him chills.

Ichigo did not have the time to think of it any longer - the door of his room opened with a bang, revealing Rukia's exhausting face. Not expecting it, he watched her struggling to drag a large cardboard box into his room. It was only after receiving a murderous glare from the shinigami that Ichigo finally decided to give her a hand - hey, it was way more heavy that what he'd thought. What the hell was inside that box?

When the brunette's treasure was finally brought to his bed, Ichigo allowed himself a sigh of relief while Rukia, losing no time, immediately began to unwrap... A phonograph.

The young man squinted his eyes slightly, he had no recollection of ever seeing that thing. It probably belonged to the previous owners.

"Ichigo, what is this marvelous thing?"

His chocolate eyes slowly lowered onto his friend's face - she was literally begging him to answer. He had learned over time to appreciate this side of the goddess of death, far different from her usual professional and distant mask. It was in those precious moments, when she left aside her role of shinigami to appreciate every little thing she was given to discover on Earth, that she seemed the most human to him. Her curiosity was always genuine.

"It's a phonograph, Rukia", he smiled and closed his book for good. "It's like the ancestor of a record player, you know? It's kind of a radio, it makes music."

He wasn't going to give her in a nonsensical explanation of how the machine worked - a demonstration would make much more sense. With a cautious gesture, he lifted the sapphire from the record-deck and, plunging his hand into the box, tried to grab whatever record was supposed to be in there.

...

Nothing.

He frowned - if the phonograph was stored there, everything should be in there too.

"Ichigo?", inquired the brunette after a few moments of silence.

"Something is missing", he sighed. "Sorry Rukia but it won't work."

A veil of disappointment passed over her, quickly swept away by her usual mask of neutrality.

**

"Ichi-nii, are you there?"

Ichigo's eyes opened and he slowly lifted his head, lost. What had happened? He just remembered looking at a particularly tough math problem and then... Nothing. He had fallen asleep on his desk.

"Ichi-nii?", his little sister's sweet voice brought him back to reality:

"Come in Yuzu", said the elder Kurosaki, muffling a new yawn.

The schoolgirl opened the door carefully, smiling, and closed it behind her.

"I wanted to have a look around the garage sale downtown, but Daddy has patients to take care of and..-", he cut her off gently.

"Just give me a few minutes to finish up and then we'll go."

A big smile brighten up the face of the youngest Kurosaki - he knew how much she loved dusting off, sewing, and bringing back to life whatever ancient dolls she could find - Kon being a living proof of it.

With his hands in his pockets, the schoolboy walked through the streets and stalls of the city, keeping a close eye on his precious little sister. Yuzu was on her seventh purchase when they passed along an old vinyl stall - if Ichigo didn't bother to pay it the slightest attention, the young girl grabbed his arm and forced him to approach.

"Weren't you looking for one of those things Ichi-nii?"

His gaze fell mechanically on the discs, but it was only when he met the radiant smile of his sister that he made the connection. The sweet giggle that escaped Yuzu's lips set his cheeks on fire as he used his last savings for an 'ungrateful idiot who wouldn't even understand'.

**

Several days had passed since the yard sale but the shinigami hadn't bother to even show her face. If at first, the brunette's lack of interest had upset Ichigo - 'She brings and unwraps it, lose all interest two seconds later and leaves it in the middle of my fucking room' - he stored his latest acquisition in a empty corner of his desk and eventually forgot about it too.

The red-head was writing the thirty-seventh line of his essay when he heard a few knocks at his window. Any form resentment instantly forgotten, it took him only a tenth of a second to unlock it for her. It wasn't like he was really looking forwards her return.

...

No.

Ichigo simply had good reflexes.

And maybe bad faith, too.

The high school student didn't comment on how tired she looked - the contrite smile she gave him when she entered his room definitely erase any rancor he still felt. She looked as if she hadn't have a proper night of sleep for ages - there was no way he could have kick her out in her state.

"Yo", he cleared his throat, the silence made him feel quite uneasy.

"Good evening Ichigo."

The conversation stopped there but the atmosphere had mellowed down considerably. Rukia, removing Sode-No-Shirayuki from her waist, gently put it in the closet as he went back to his geography.

"Oh, it's still there!", Rukia's calm voice forced him to look up.

Obviously, she was talking about the phonograph which hadn't been moved for almost two weeks, forcing the poor student to hop over it each time he wanted to go to his bed.

"Yeah, it's your mess by the way so you better..-"

A murderous glance stopped him in his track - well, as he had already paid for it, the least he could do was to surrender for once.

"Here, try this one," said Ichigo, handing the shinigami the disc he had brought.

Her big eyes sparkled. At last! She was about to find out how this fabulous machine worked. With a carefully gesture, she accepted the present and placed it on the player-deck. There was a sizzling sound and then, finally, the music began.

Of course, it had to be jazz music - a waltz, more precisely. The room soon felt into a relaxing, peaceful - not to say intimate - atmosphere. And as time went by slowly, Ichigo who wasn't particular fond of the genre, began humming along the song.

They were far from the sound of clashing swords and cries of the hollow. Far from the violence of the wars they had to take part in. Far from the suffering they had to endure.

He closed the geography book, this time for good, and turned his attention to the brunette who hadn't say a word in what felt like hours.

What the ?

Ichigo almost burst out laughing when he saw her dancing - she looked simply ridiculous : wiggling her tiny body to the music, her eyes were closed, her eyebrows furrowed and she was wrinkling her nose in what seemed to be great effort.

"Rukia?"

She didn't even bother to lift her eyelids and continued her strange choreography. More serene than ever. She didn't seem to care one bit that dancing wasn't her strong suit.

"Gosh, you really can't dance..."

As if by magic, the enchantment instantly broke.

The shinigami opened her eyes, her mouth now twisted in an angry frown - she was about to strike the student with a kidō spell when she realized that he was smiling at her.

Genuinely smiling.

Her cheeks turned an almost adorable pink hue as he nonchalantly rose to stand beside her.

**

"You suck at this too."

He didn't retort.

"No, you're even worse than me Ichigo."

"Stop complaining", he glared at her. "And watch your step!"

They both went silent.

Their cheeks were bright red and their gestures clumsy - but none of it mattered at that moment.

"Ichigo?"

He opened one eye to look at her, but said nothing.

"Ichigo!", she insisted.

"What now Rukia?"

For god sake, she couldn't hold her tongue for five minutes! She definitely had a knack for ruining moments.

"Thank you."

She smiled at him, her eyes gleaming, as if all the fatigue accumulated over the last few days had vanished.

"Don't mention it, silly."

**

None of them heard the light footsteps coming up the stairs nor the weak knocks at the door. Yuzu waited a few moments and hesitated before opened it carefully. What she discovered there remained forever engraved in her memory:

Ichigo, with his eyes closed, was in a trance. With his hands placed around what she guessed was supposed to be the waist of a woman, he was moving back and forth, whirling around himself.

The poor girl slowly closed the door and ran away, promising herself never to set foot in his room again.

** (small explanation: Because Rukia wasn't wearing her gigai, Yuzu unfortunately couldn't fully enjoy the show.)

[dayseternal-blog]

Alright, these are the questions I wanted to ask the most: 7) When is your preferred time to write? 8) Where do you take your inspiration from? 45) What spurs you on during the writing process? 48) What is your favorite trope to write about? -- Love you so much for all your support 😘💕💕💕

💗💗💗 omg #8 got a little too long.  I just couldn’t stop with how deeply important it is to me.  Like, I’m sorry it’s an essay, but please read the whole thing if you have the time. 😘😘

7) When is your preferred time to write?

Whenever I have bubble tea in my system!  Although I think night time might be my most productive time strictly in terms of creativity.

8) Where do you take your inspiration from?

I might read something and think, hm that wasn’t enough for me.  I want more!  Or I think, what would this be like if it was NaruHina?  Movies, folktales, fairytales, other fanfics, fanart, prompts, my own life or others’ stories!  I basically put NaruHina in every romantic situation possible, and some ideas develop really promisingly into viable stories.  Only two of my ideas are “original” in that they solely started off with a wondering “what if...” question - It’s No Secret and Undercover.

And as I told you before!  ❤️❤️ You, @mmmbuttery, and agitosgirl inspired me to write my own fics!! ❤️❤️

How you unapologetically leaned into Japanese culture when no other fic writer seemed to know anything basic about Japan in their canon-divergent fics (like some fic writers got them walking around in his apartment with their shoes on AHHHHHHHHH😱😱).  I thought how great it was to not feel like Naruto and Hinata were white people when I read your stories, and I felt like your fics were so much more relatable.

I thought if I’m spending my free time reading stories of my own choice, I am not about to read stories that have a Hinata who’s never had ramen before!  But I couldn’t find any other stories quite like yours and emmykay’s, and at this time, both of you weren’t writing anymore...basically I needed that representation.

So THANK YOU for doing what you did and what you still do, I have appreciated it SO MUCH 🙌🏼.  Just thinking about representation in English YA fiction and literature, like did I mention I watched Crazy Rich Asians at least 4 times in theatres and read the whole series?  Fanfiction is so important to me in this aspect.  It’s free!  And the characters can be Asian, in love, and just be themselves.  (yes there’s jdramas, kdramas, manga, anime, and translated literature, and I love those things, too, but I want all the things.)

And how agitosgirl would just drop stories and start new ones without warning or caring lol.  Her catchphrase as she leaves you forever dangling on a cliffhanger: A/N: There you have it!  or There you guys go.  Just a little bit of something for you.  The role model of role models in IDGAF.  Yeah, I thought, I can do that too.  I can handle that level of no expectations for myself to finish my stories.  At first, as a reader, I was annoyed, and then I started to find her breezy attitude really very admirable.

So many authors would write end notes about forcing themselves to finish writing a story, or completely losing interest in writing because readers were nagging them, and I always thought that was really sad.  I wondered: Why couldn’t they just do what agitosgirl did?  Why couldn’t they just do whatever they want?  Why on earth do they let their readers’ excitement become an unwelcome pressure?  I thought, well, if I write my own fanfics, I’m going to do my best to be like agitosgirl.  Write seriously whatever topic I want for however long I want, and readers can choose to read or not to read.

She would write the most frowned-upon tropes and have zero shame about it.  She never, not once, apologized for what and how she wrote.  I really got the feeling that she was writing for her own enjoyment.  And in return, as a reader, I felt no shame in enjoying her work.  As a fic writer now, I’m still trying to be like her!

So I’ll end it there, really the inspiration is endless and I could credit every content creator out there. 

45) What spurs you on during the writing process?

I guess it’s usually a certain scene I’m looking forward to a lot.  That’s what makes smut and flirty fluff stories so easy to write!  They’re full of fun scenes I want to see.

48) What is your favorite trope to write about?

Three of my longer ones, Nightdreams, It’s No Secret, and Catskin are all secret relationship tropes.  I also have 5 high school aus 🤭  I guess secret young love somehow became my favourite thing!

Love you bunny 💓💓

[constantwritingblock]

Stolen Worlds 2

Queen of Thieves: Takes place just after the MC breaks up with Nikolai.

Avengers: Takes place during The Winter Soldier, but with additional characters.

Unknown!Nick Fury x reader, (previous) Nikolai Stirling x reader, platonic!Natasha Romanoff x reader, (eventual) Steve Rogers x reader.

Also just a statement, for any other languages spoken in this piece it will be done in bold and in English so that you are aware characters are speaking a different language. I find this easier than finding a bad translation.

After finding out of her meeting with Captain Rogers, Y/N is given the opportunity to keep herself in the loop better. Question is, will she take it and risk her game to be outplayed or will she refuse. Does she also realise that the people she left behind are still looking for her too?

Chapter Two

Time had gone by quicker than expected. She was finally more out in the field, so to speak. Keeping an eye on the trio that Fury had also trusted to destroy Hydra. Her job was to ensure that they got the right information and were taking whatever action they deemed appropriate. Currently, subtly, overseeing Sam calling Sitwell was a breeze though she couldn’t really keep all her attention on them, she still had show up within S.H.I.E.L.D. and also the Hydra base that stored The Winter Soldier. Though when she caught sight of them on the rooftop near S.H.I.E.L.D.’s building, she had to send an emergency distraction so no one else would see them, especially Rumlow.

Jolting the system into error, she used that as a diversion before slipping out to spy on Romanoff and Rogers. It was obvious they were interrogating Sitwell, though she was surprised to see Captain America hold him up over the god knows how long drop. A sigh of relief escaped her as he put the man down, he was still a valuable asset after all, pinning the blame on someone was certainly valuable, but then Agent Romanoff kicked him off the roof! Of course she did, I guess violence is needed… oh wait here he comes again…

It appeared that they got what they needed out of Sitwell, he knew the most about Arnim Zola and the system he had produced. She was glad that they caught on her info, though she was irritated that they didn’t know who she was. It wasn’t necessarily part of the agreement for her to be unknown but it would have been ideal so they didn’t accidentally kill her. Rushing back inside, Y/N slowed her pace down when she was closer to her desk. Smiling politely at her co-workers, she’d never really call them that, they were her enemies.

Clasping her fingers together she pushed them in front of her. The stretch did some good as she went back to typing away on the computer, a quicker rate than the others. Someone from higher up came at that point, shouting orders to fix what Y/N had broken, simply tapping away on the keyboard brought her back to fixing everything quickly, especially if Rogers and Romanoff had found Zola, anything technological on her end needed to be right. The team leader in this sense had reached her desk. “Agent Z, system tells me you fixed it. Well done. The Director wants to see you.” Nodding her head patiently, she stood up and followed him through to Pierce’s office. Now to finish off Sitwell...

At his holler to enter, she meekly opened the door, peeping her head through. “Sir?” He gave her a very warm smile, which was unlike him, it normally was quite distant but today something had changed his mood. “Ah, Agent Z, good work on fixing the issue we just had, heard how you just came in from break and fixed it instantly. I need more people like you… Oh, do you also have the progress report on the Soldier?”

Gesturing to the computer in the room, he gave her full permission to use it, she logged in and the holographic screen came into view as he read the contents. “It seems that you’re the only person who can handle my deadlines here…”

Y/N just shrugged her shoulders, “It’s just part of how I work, sir.” The last thing she needed was for him to get suspicious of her quick action. Flickering her gaze around the room, his attention to her was precise. Pierce looked at her questioningly, “Something wrong Agent?”

This was it. This was her moment to get in his good graces and have more control over everything. “I just heard about Captain America and Agent Romanoff splitting from S.H.I.E.L.D. and…”

The man sat back in his large office chair. “You have nothing to worry about there. It was a minor thing and you are a precious member of Hydra. So, if anything is not to your satisfaction, then don’t hesitate to inform me.” Dismissing her wariness he assured her that he liked to keep valuable assets alive where possible.

So that’s his game to keep me roped in. “No, it’s not the worry of having a target on my back, it’s just that, I took a smoke break on the roof to get away from the chaos of fixing other nimbicile’s mistakes and… I must be paranoid to you…” Chuckling nervously, she casually reached a hand up to the back of her neck to scratch awkwardly.

Though it was all in success as Pierce appeared to have believed her act. He didn’t say anything, just leant forward as a sign for her to continue. “I saw… Captain America, with a red-headed woman, they had Sitwell and were chatting. I heard about a possible mole within here, but from the way they were speaking… it just seemed off to me.”

Pierce cocked a brow at Y/N’s words. Shit I’m losing him. “I don’t mean to sound like a snitch or anything to you sir, but i just found it peculiar.” Rolling the chair backwards, he stood up and stalked his way over to the petite woman. Lifting her head to gaze into his eyes he spoke. “It’s not snitching, it’s being honest about someone going against Hydra. Don’t stress, you did the right thing.” He paged for his assistant to get Rumlow into the office.

Well so far, so good…

—

Sitting crossed legged on the couch as she chomped down on some Chinese takeout she kept her focus on Fury as he paced the room. “Fucking hell, just burn a hole in my carpet already why don’t you?” Stopping in his tracks he turned to her. “You bumped into Rogers didn’t you? You may need to keep doing that for a bit.”

What now? Is he being serious? That’s a dumb question Y/N of course he is. “Right and how do I do that without Rumlow or Pierce finding out and thinking I’m a mole?�� Walking to her, he sat down next to her. “Listen kid, you’re smart enough to do this and due to the nature of things if they get too messy for you… I’m taking off the violence ban, trust your instincts or your shifts as you call ‘em.” Letting out a groan Y/N really wanted to slap Fury for this. He knew well enough she’d end up going back to that lifestyle.

“I really wish you hadn’t come to me for all of this… I don’t want this…” Muttering into her food, she took another bite as he gave her an incredulous look. “Go back to your criminal lifestyle then. Like to see how you persuade your way outta that one.” She knew he had her caught. Fuck sake…

—

Steve had been going to that coffee shop on the regular since meeting that woman. She was a right beauty for him, barely any woman caught his attention nowadays, but there was something about the way she held herself that had him hooked and he couldn’t resist talking to her. Of course he just stayed from afar in hopes of her walking in. The last thing he needed was Hydra tracking his movements and getting innocents in trouble. It appeared to be another bust of a morning, she hadn’t shown up again. Maybe she only came here once… I should’ve gotten her number, I must look like a stalker.

He felt like one too. It was getting too much and if he couldn’t see her again before things blew up then he guessed that was all he could do. Steve didn’t understand the change for him, but if he could pinpoint it, finding out Peggy Carter was still alive and her telling him to move on made him feel less guilty and more excited to talk to this woman. Just as he was about to leave he caught sight of a burgundy backpack.

Opening up her laptop once again she began running software in the background to triangulate where Captain America could be. If she were to do this, she needed to keep running into him after all. While doing so, she set up some random research essay from her university days. If I get interrupted at least they can see my cover story…

It wasn’t long before the man of the hour came about. He noticed her immediately, ordering himself a coffee before joining her at her table. “Hey, good to see you again.” His melodic voice filled her ears. “Hey, yourself, Steve right?”

Playing up with his game, she didn’t want to show her interest in him. Though he may be Captain America, she was debriefed enough by Maria Hill to know he was a gentleman but also due to his upbringing something felt wrong about sleeping with him or doing anything further while she was under an alias. She didn’t like lying, but how could she even bring up the fact that she was his insider. Hey Captain Rogers, I’m Agent Z, I am the one you can trust in bringing Hydra down. Yeah, it wouldn’t exactly go well.

—

Struggling to keep himself in check, Nikolai was growing worried to say the least, he understood their argument and breakup was partly his fault for his wish to be perfect but also realised that Y/N couldn’t say the words he thought she would always say after the last time. His reaction wasn’t the best of course, but maybe if he did say them once more, they wouldn’t have ended as badly. He, being a professional had kept his cool, but it was so hard.

He missed her, his thoughts were only of her, craving to see her smile, hear her laugh once again. He had no idea who had taken her but he could see the look on Remy’s face to know that he was feeling just as guilty that he hadn’t grasped a tighter hold on her quicker.

Zoe was doing her best in tracking Y/N, everyone had been ringing her constantly, her phone was still on but no response as of yet. It must mean that whoever had kidnapped her wasn’t after the Poppy as a whole, but were they after him? Knowing she was his one weakness could be a factor as to why, so why hasn’t anyone rung for ransom or even to blackmail them?

Barely anyone had spoken to each other in the weeks since she had gone missing. Vivienne was less flirtatious with the rest as normal. Remy just kept to himself, more shut off. Zoe was non-stop on her phone or laptop or computer searching for Y/N. Jett had barely left his room and when he did he’d be covered in paint, no doubt trying to fill in the emptiness of art that Y/N brought to the team and Leon… well, Leon would disappear in the night, reappearing at the crack of dawn, shattered, heading straight to bed. They were using all their resources to finding her but nothing came back to them, no sightings or word of her from the Underbelly, nothing.

Sitting at his desk, Elizabeth sensed her master was filled with unease doing her best to comfort him as he flicked through his phone at the pictures Y/N was adamant on taking of the two of them. God, he missed her. He wished the fight never happened. He should’ve fought for her more, perhaps promised her to at least try to remove the perfectionist in him, even if it was empty.

Nikolai regretted very few things in his life but letting Y/N go was one of them, especially if he knew he’d never see her again. Snapping his attention towards the knocking that sounded on his door, he opened it to see Remy. “Zoe has something!”

Rushing to the lounge he sat down waiting for Zoe to finish typing on her laptop. “Okay, so I found her. Coffee shop in Washington DC. It appears whoever has taken her is nowhere to be seen, but I do see her with some blond guy, it’s the second time they’ve seen each other and she’s happy.” That instantly breaks Nikolai’s heart, he didn’t want to hear that but was glad she was alright at least.

“Looks like we are going there. I want to know what happened, it doesn’t seem like her to quit without saying anything.”

—

Reading the message on her phone, Y/N couldn’t believe that Fury had caught wind of this so quickly. Right okay, so Pierce is planning on bringing officials into this with no choice. Time for phase three. Switching her phone off, she paced herself over to the dark basement of S.H.I.E.L.D.. She couldn’t believe the balls Pierce had to hide the Winter Soldier in plain sight. This would be her first meeting with him, just not alone, unfortunately. Rumlow was going to be there, for her own protection of course, as Pierce stated, there’d be times where he’d lose control of himself and he wouldn’t dare think about his guilt if something bad happened to her.

Entering the thoroughly guarded trap she found herself face to face with the man himself. His distinct blue eyes caught her attention, he was stunning, but the expression on his face made her feel guilty. He’s only a toy to them. There’s a real man in there. What made her stomach churn more was the fact that she knew exactly who the man behind the Winter Soldier was. Bucky Barnes. Captain America’s best friend from the 40s. Stepping closer she noticed how he flinched when Rumlow followed her. Only a glance over her shoulder told him to stay put as she stepped even closer.

“Agent Z,” one of the ‘doctors’ greeted her, “he understands English and speaks it but is refusing to comply. We understand you know a variety of languages and was wondering if you could get him to talk. None of us know anymore than English.”

Y/N took another glance at Rumlow, he nodded. Turning back to the Soldier, she began. “Soldat, do you know where you are?” The man merely looked at her when a guard decided to punish him for his silence, electrocuting him. “Stop that, continue that and he won’t comply. I will not use any violence on him while speaking to him.”

This shocked everyone in the room, but they listened nonetheless from fear of what Rumlow would do to them as punishment for one and two, what Pierce would do if caught wind of them disobeying her. Everyone that worked for Hydra within S.H.I.E.L.D. knew that he treated her like a daughter, something that Y/N found creepy. Once the guard backed off she spoke once more.

“Sorry about that. I wish you no harm. I am unarmed and just want to help you.” He furrowed his brows. “Help me in what way?” He was confused to say the least but at she was just happy that he replied to her, even if it was in Russian. Smiling brightly at him she chatted away. “Let’s just say unlike these people around us, I am more of a friend. I want to help you escape and find your life again, but you have to trust me. I know it’s asking a lot but if you comp- no, cooperate with me I can tell you more as these people won’t be around as much when I see you.”

—

Bucky didn’t know if it was the innocent look in her eyes or just the way she spoke that calmed him. She was the first person he didn’t want to hurt. He wanted to protect her and if she was telling him the truth then perhaps he could get out of this hell.

[likehandlingroses]

What You Love

Summary: As Harry already knows, a tremendous amount can happen in seventeen years. But the seventeen years after the war bring him something he once never thought possible: contentment. (Inspired by “Daylight”--Taylor Swift)

Read below or on Ao3

~

“I want to be defined by the things that I love. Not the things I hate, not the things I’m afraid of, not the things that haunt me in the middle of the night...I just think you are what you love.” 

1999

Harry’s hand hovers over the pastries in the breakroom. He shouldn’t...but then, it is Clara’s birthday--

He snatches up a pumpkin pasty, repulsed the utter banality of his own thoughts.

Ron pops in beside Harry, scooping up a muffin without hesitation.

“Lucky thing we’re on desk duty this week.”

“Is it?”

Harry still fights with himself other whether or not he’s simply become another Ministry shill. Too complacent and far too forgiving.

“Hermione’s starting tomorrow,” Ron says, grinning. “Remember?”

And with Hermione joining them for lunch every day, things don’t feel as out of place as they did before.

~

2000

The Monument to the Fallen at the Battle of Hogwarts is up within six months of the war ending.

Harry’s fight to memorialize the Order of the Phoenix is trickier, and in many ways more painful. The old guard is hesitant to legitimize the organization--and even more hesitant to admit their past mistakes.

But Harry--who still averts his eyes in certain halls of the Ministry, who does anything to avoid being the last to leave for the evening--refuses to relent.

He almost smiles when he first sees the incredulous looks of the crowds as they notice Sirius’s warm, lively grin.

~

2001

Harry collects the letters he finds in Grimmauld Place--under beds, in dresser drawers, even under mattresses--in a box up in his attic. Every so often, he’s tempted to read them: after all, what does it matter to Sirius now?

But each time he opens the box and procures a faded letter off the top, his desire to read the words wanes.

That they exist at all is the main thing. That Harry or anyone else might someday decide to sit on the attic floor and pore through each and every line justifies their existence.

He won’t today. But someday, perhaps.

~

2002

Ginny flies in a dramatic loop on her broomstick, playing to the crowd as the Harpies conclude another shut-out.

She could play for England, if she had a mind to.

“I know that,” she tells Harry. “But international play is a nightmare.”

In any case, she’s a star right where she is. In the sanctuary of the Harpies stadium, Harry has more than once been summarily ignored while Ginny is shouted down for her autograph.

“Besides,” Ginny says with a coy smile. “It wouldn’t be quite fair for me to run off and become more famous than you, would it?”

~

2003

Harry still can’t quite believe Dudley said yes to the invitation. Tea or lunch is one thing...an entire wedding--wizarding style-- is quite another.

But it’s now well into the second hour of the reception, and he’s still here, making passable conversation with Oliver.

“Alright?” Harry asks, joining their table.

Dudley nods, but Oliver leans forward in his seat, looking manic.

“He suggested swimming for conditioning,” he says, as if he’s just handed Harry vital trade secrets. “No one’s doing that! I’m telling Reynolds on Monday...”

Harry shoots Dudley a knowing grin, and Dudley ducks his head with a laugh. 

~

2004

“--we’re here with Harry Potter, who has brought along a very special guest to the program. Harry, would you please introduce us to this lovely fellow who is currently eating his own fist?”

“Thanks, Lee. I have James Sirius Potter with me today, making his airwaves debut.”

“I was talking to James before the show...he was just babbling away.”

“Well, he gets very excited sometimes.”

“Is that the best part of being a dad?”

“No, the best part is he’s got this tiny little nose, and you can just...boop it whenever you want.”

“You heard it here first!”

~

2005

Percy tosses the agenda on Harry’s desk. “They’ve put it on after all.”

Harry scans the list in disbelief. The proposed legislation to officially close the Ministry’s Werewolf Registry and reopen its services under the umbrella of St. Mungo’s would be heard by the Wizengamot a week from Tuesday.

“But how--? We’ve been trying for months to get it in front of them....”

Percy smiles, rolling his shoulders back. “Well, I’ve been putting in words with some of the more established members...I don’t know if that helped at all…”

Harry laughs, shaking his head.

“We both know it did.”

~

2006

“He has the prettiest eyes,” Mrs. Weasley coos over Al, bouncing him on her knee as he gazes up at her intently. “Arthur, just look at his eyes! Aren’t they stunning?”

Ever the doting grandfather, Mr. Weasley drops down beside his wife, eagerly agreeing that he’s “glorious,” before reaching out a finger for Al to grasp in his fist.

“They’re just like his daddy’s,” Mrs. Weasley says, smiling at Harry. She’s not the first to mention how much Al looks like him.

It makes Harry all the more grateful that Al won’t ever need to wish for love or family.

~

2007

“Can you help me, Harry?” Teddy doesn’t normally bring Andromeda’s schoolwork over to Harry’s, but today he’s already kneeling at the coffee table, quill and parchment in hand.

“Well, I can try,” Harry says, sitting down beside him. “But if it’s division again…”

“No, none of that!” Teddy says with a grimace. “I’m learning about persuasive essays now, and Gran says if I write a very good one, we might be able to get a cat!”

“A cat? Well, that’s serious business, isn’t it? We’ll have to go about it carefully…”

And with Harry’s help, Teddy wins his new cat.

~

2008

“Skeeter will be poking her head in where it doesn’t belong once I’m gone,” Elphias Doge says, pressing a bundle of letters at Ginny, his wizened face beaming. “And what do I care what anyone says, really? Only I detest the woman, and if you got the story out first...oh, the look on her face!”

The ink on some of the letters has almost faded, but the most important piece remains.  The valedictions: effusive, undeniably romantic...with “Albus” signing his name to all of them.

“It’ll be out before she’s decided which stone to turn over first,” Harry promises.

~

2009

“Daddy!” Alice Dursley pulls on Dudley’s hand as the Potters gather at the door. “The present!”

“Yes, right! Before you go…” Dudley hastens back through the house, emerging with a carefully wrapped package.

“Alice helped me with everything…” Dudley presses it into Harry’s hands. “Even the paper--”

“--and the bow!”

“And the bow.” Dudley smiles in the face of Harry’s bemusement. “For Lily’s birthday next week. I’ve meant to get the dates straight for years...but I’ve got this calendar on my phone now, and...well, anyway. I’ll remember now.”

Lily hugs her teddy from “Duh-dee” the whole way home.

~

2010

“D’you suppose they might only let me on the team because they feel sorry for me?” Teddy asks as he and Harry settle on the grass.

“Of course not.” Harry shades his eyes from the sun before looking off into the distance. Ginny is still trying to teach Albus how to mount his training broom…

“What about because you’re my godfather?”

Harry claps Teddy on the shoulder. “Listen: if you make it, it’ll be you’ve got a great arm and a sharp eye.”

“You really think so?”

“I really do.”

Teddy beams at Harry before lying back on the grass.

~

2011

“Oh, she’s beautiful--hi, Harry!”

Despite Parvati and Hermione’s smiles, Harry feels as if he’s intruded. He’s used to finding Hermione poring over something or other when he enters her office: she even spends her lunch hour wrestling through her Beedle translations.

“Padma’s baby came Saturday!” Hermione explains.

“I have pictures!”

Harry hasn’t considered before that Hermione’s move from Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures might have been motivated by something other than her career progression.

Now that he thinks of it, he understands why Hermione’s joined half of the DA in Magical Law Enforcement.

They make the work more worthwhile.

~

2012

“No! No kids behind the bar,” Hannah good-naturedly prods James out from behind the counter at the Leaky Cauldron.

“Even me?” James says, fixing Hannah with a doe-eyed stare.

“ Especially you,” Harry quips, patting the stool next to him as Hannah fixes James a consolation soft drink. “Sorry about that, Hannah…”

“Oh, I don’t mind!” Hannah pauses to tie back her hair with a colorful ribbon. “Only if the wrong person comes in and I’ve got an eight year old with his paws on the firewhisky…”

“What’s firewhisky taste like?” James asks.

“You’d hate it,” Hannah and Harry both say.

~

2013

“--so that’s where we put all our files for uhm...anything that needs filing.” Harry taps the filing cabinet next to his desk, looking into his nieces' rapt faces. Molly and Lucy are with Percy for the day, and “Uncle Harry’s work” is a key portion of their tour.

Harry privately thinks nothing could be duller for two little girls than exploring different people’s desks.

“Does it ever get full?” Molly asks.

“Er--sometimes.”

“So you get a new one?” Lucy’s eyes are wide as she scans the wall, perhaps picturing mountains of cabinets.

“Sometimes. Mostly we just toss things.”

“Wow!”

~

2014

“He’s going to do it!” Fleur grips Harry’s shoulder from her seat behind him as the crowd roars and Viktor closes in on the Snitch. “He has to, after all this time, he--YES!”

Harry hugs her first as their box cheers the Bulgarian victory. Fleur apologizes for the tears she’s burst into, but Harry’s own eyes are stinging.  

Viktor throws his arms around both of them upon landing in the VIP box, tears still running down his cheeks.

“He would be so proud,” Fleur says, calling Cedric to mind so powerfully that they might have been children fighting dragons again.

~

2015

“And this one doesn’t like parties because she’s shy…” Lily sets her stuffed rabbit in front of Luna. Harry’s warned Luna about Lily’s “tea parties”--how they involve more profiling of stuffed animals than tea.

“Well, some people are like that, aren’t they?” Luna says agreeably.

“Yes,” Lily agrees. “And this one--she’s so funny, but she doesn’t eat anything green.”

“Not even green sweets?”

“No!” Lily says conspiratorially, whereupon Luna puts on a shocked expression.

“But how does she get her vitamins?”

“Uhm...carrots and the sun, I think!”

“Oh, well, that’s alright, then,” Luna says before smiling at Harry.

[if-only-angels-could-prevail]

here’s the introductory essay I wrote about Can You Ever Forgive Me?

Gay people on screen have existed almost as long as movies themselves. But, because of what was deemed socially acceptable, and because of the Hays code that lasted from 1930 to 1968, gay characters could not be fully, canonically incorporated into the stories that were being told on screen.

So writers relied on subtext. Hollywood staples as wide-ranging as Ben-Hur, Rebecca, Johnny Guitar, The Maltese Falcon, and Rebel Without A Cause, to name only a handful of the most famous examples, all succeeded at showing queer characters onscreen subtextually, taking advantage of subtle glances and double entendre. Through subtext, gay filmmakers could create gay characters for gay audiences, largely unperceived by straight audience members. In short, gay people were the pioneers of close reading in cinema.

To be clear, subtext as applied to the gay experience has existed long before the invention of film. Anyone who has grown up as gay or queer can tell you that, in a largely anti-gay society, gay people have always had to find ways to read coded language and find ways to communicate that exist outside of the mainstream, simply to find each other, and see each other, and maybe land a date. I theorize that rather that invent a new language for film, queer filmmakers simply applied their own intuited knowledge of the gay experience and translated it to the screen. And suddenly, for the first time, this adopted language could be seen by millions of viewers across the country.

If we fast forward past those earlier movies I mentioned, we finally have some characters who are not only gay on screen, but characters who are out on screen. In 1961, the British movie Victim was the first English-language movie to feature the word “homosexual.” In 1970, we have a milestone of queer cinema, The Boys In The Band, about a group of gay friends celebrating a birthday. In 1972, the movie adaptation of Cabaret made the central character, based Charles Isherwood, canonically queer. In 1978, the French movie La Cage aux Folles was a smash hit. This movement in the 70s paved the way for more contemporary queer cinema, which now includes the likes of Brokeback Mountain, Carol, Moonlight, Call Me By Your Name, and Love Simon, movies which have all achieved critical and audience acclaim.

But rather than celebrate our victory too soon, let’s take a closer look at the intended audiences of all these movies.

Those earlier movies that were made during the Hays code managed to exist in spite of straight audiences. And as soon as gay characters were allowed to openly declare their sexuality on screen, with Victim in 1961, Hollywood did a complete reversal and created gay characters specifically with straight audiences in mind.

In Victim, the gay central character actively works to fight his own homosexual desires, and in the end, he burns a suggestive photo of his male lover. The pivotal scene of The Boys In The Band involves the arrival of a straight man to the gay party, and from there the scenario devolves into bitterness and self-hatred. Even La Cage aux Folles doesn’t allow gayness to exist independently—much of the comedy is derived from the contrast between the gay couple and two conservative politicians. And Cabaret, even with its shattering queer moment, is more interested in the relationship between the central man and woman than anyone else.

The current wave of gay cinema—which includes Brokeback Mountain, Carol, Moonlight, Call Me By Your Name, and Love Simon—should fare better. But all of these movies, and almost every other movie about queerness, follows the specific narrative of two queer characters who dare to love each other in an oppressive, homophobic world. These movies weren’t made for gay people to find solace and comfort so much as they were made for straight people to feel sorry, and feel as though they’re engaging with queer issues in a meaningful way. As if they’re showing up halfway through the party in The Boys In The Band.

To summarize, the history of cinema has essentially handed us two types of gay narratives. They are the gay stories that exist in the shadows, relying exclusively on subtext, and the gay stories that exploit the pain of gay people for the benefit of straight audience members.

Enter Can You Ever Forgive Me?.

Can You Ever Forgive Me? takes place in the very real queer world of literary writers and collectors in New York City in the early 90s. As such, we finally have a movie where some characters are explicitly queer, other characters are coded as queer, and the narrative is something much more intricate, nuanced, and dramatically fulfilling than simply the homos vs the heteros. Simply by positioning this relatively straightforward story in a world that’s anything but straight, the movie is able to explore so many ideas that have been left relatively untouched in queer cinema.

One such theme in the movie is appearances. Every character in this movie has a carefully cultivated and specific appearance. And we, as audiences, can intuit much about their personality based not just on how they look—after all, this is not a superhero movie--but on their approach to their own appearance. How they appear to the world at large vs. how they appear in private.

Related to that, Can You Ever Forgive Me? is about the simultaneous thrill and burden of being seen. The high that comes with being noticed and wanted, paired with the simultaneous dread of being exposed as a fake, or as ugly, or as unglamorous. And then there’s the inherent embarrassment that comes with desire. Society, and straight society in particular, teaches us to cover our vulnerability and practice apathy as a way to gain social clout. How do we respond to that form of strategic oppression, which affects all of us, regardless of sexuality? Do we respond with a “fuck it” attitude, like the character of Jack, who acts shamelessly and lives on the edge? Or do we respond like the character of Lee, who more cautiously measures her own desires and, while pretending she doesn’t care what people think on the outside, is actually deeply vulnerable and insecure? In the end, both approaches have their ups and downs, and both characters fall victim to society’s comeuppance by choosing not to act alongside the established rules of straight society. The movie avoids the easy answer, choosing rather to let the audience follow the course of the two characters’ decisions throughout, and witness where their approaches and desires intersect.

The idea of being seen, of course, relates back to the first idea I discussed, which is subtext. Pay close attention to the different ways characters are coded—not just as queer, but as privileged, as lonely, as excited. What is deemed socially acceptable prevents almost every character in the movie from saying exactly what they want, and exactly what they mean. It’s almost as if there are two movies here. There’s the plot, and then there’s what’s implied underneath it all. You can analyze many of the scenes in the movie from multiple angles—the text tells you what’s happening, and the subtext probes you into what the characters are really thinking.

It sounds intimidating. But being both a queer movie and a con movie, it’s actually a very natural marriage of content and approach.

Even the title, Can You Ever Forgive Me, functions in multiple ways. The phrase comes from the central character impersonating the voice of Dorothy Parker. In the phrase’s most immediate context, as the content of a letter, it’s a witty, somewhat spontaneous remark. If you take a step back and consider the actual author, who is not Dorothy Parker but Lee Israel, as played by Melissa McCarthy, it’s clear that the character is using someone else’s voice because the world will not accept her on her own terms. And if you take a step further in and consider the phrase itself, there’s a more painful quality than is let on in the initial context. On one hand, it’s playful and off the cuff. On the other hand, it’s a veiled plea with society at large, a completely earnest longing for acceptance. Can we ever forgive her, for her crimes against what the mainstream would have her be? Can we ever forgive her for being gay, for being old, for being a woman, for being butch, for being poor, for being an alcoholic?

Only we, the audience, and we, the world, can answer.