#did i forget to post this on tumblr! maybe. who knows. haha...ha........

[erzatz3117]

Ok, I really need to try my hand at this

YOU: With a bright green flash, the antediluvian servers of Automattic memorised your newest piece of miscellaneous Total Decay illustration.

TRIVIA [Trivial: Success]: "Dahn Sinkewicz and Total Decay" is the book you've been writing, with inconsistent success, for the past 7 months.

TORTURED ARTIST [Easy: Success]: Do you think he could just *forget* about his upcoming nearly-finished magical-realist, new-sincerity, Columbo-meets-Boris-goddamn-Yeltsin detective masterpiece?

DECONSTRUCTION [Medium: Success]: Will it become less derivative if you add more compound adjectives? Also, I don't think "magical-realist" should be hyphenated.

BLACK MIRROR OF PRE-APOCALYPTIC POST-TRUTH: Time is dripping from the ceiling, it's drops making monotone clicking sounds. No living soul has observed your art yet. Or, at least, did not feel anything at all in the process.

1. "What am I doing wrong? I checked all the boxes!"

2. [Delete your Tumblr account immediately.]

YOU: [Delete your Tumblr account immediately.]

BLACK MIRROR OF PRE-APOCALYPTIC POST-TRUTH: You will not leave this place. You have one too many *mutuals*.

1. "What am I doing wrong? I checked all the boxes!"

YOU: What am I doing wrong? I checked all the boxes!

BOX-FITTING [Easy: Success] You even posted it at the correct *time window*!

TRIVIA [Medium: Failure] Don't fret, towarisch, this lack of activity is easily explained by... Sorry, I'll sit this one out.

DECONSTRUCTION [Hard: Success]: Maybe we could look at it from an artistic perspective?

TORTURED ARTIST: What are you implying? It's awesome! Atleast, it is certainly better than some *creations* you see on here occasionally...

EMPATHY [Trivial: Success] SHUT UP, FOR REAL. Do I need to refer you to the sign?

+5 XP gained from thought "Never Be Mean"

NERD-JOCK TRANSUBSTANTIATION [Legendary: Success]: You're obviously just not cut for this liberal arts nonsense, bratan! You have gym practice this Wednesday, remember? Your only goal is *the grind*, so show them you don't care about online recognition!

1. [Attempt to throw a tantrum.]

1. [Attempt to throw a tantrum.]

NODE COORDINATION [Impossible: Failure]: The neural pathway previously used for rapid mental mobilisation has dissipated under pressure from punitive education practices and liberal consumption of inhibitory neurotransmitters. I am sorry.

NERD-JOCK TRANSUBSTANTIATION [Hard: Success] Is that yarn-head trying to say that you can't *get angry* anymore?

HOMEOSTASIS: I'm clicking all the right buttons, yet nothing is happening. So yes, our capability for strong emotions has largely atrophied.

NERD-JOCK TRANSUBSTANTIATION [Impossible: Failure]: Wow, that... sucks, bratan. We will have to work around this in the future, I guess...

BLACK MIRROR OF PRE-APOCALYPTIC POST-TRUTH: The obsidian obelisk shudders, emitting a familiar glow: a new notification from Tumblr.

BLACK MIRROR OF PRE-APOCALYPTIC POST-TRUTH: Let's see: your mutual liked your post...

TORTURED ARTIST [Easy: Success] Where did I put my corkscrew?

DECONSTRUCTION [Medium: Success] I wouldn't be so optimistic.

BLACK MIRROR OF PRE-APOCALYPTIC POST-TRUTH: It's a... *funny-haha* post you reblogged an hour ago.

EMPATHY [Hard: Failure]: It seems as if we are the only unpopular person here.

TRIVIA [Trivial: Success]: That is a mathematical impossibility.

1. [Try again to come up with a reasonable explanation for why the notes under your art never exceed single digits.]

2. "You know, this just makes me more convinced that social networks are an instrument of isolation, not connection." [Send the art to that one guy on Discord who seems to like it.]

2. "You know, this just makes me more convinced that social networks are an instrument of isolation, not connection." [Send the art to that one guy on Discord who seems to like it.]

DIGITAL SPECTRE OF A FRIEND OF A FRIEND: It takes the man you only know from a vestigial meme server a couple seconds to look at the image you've sent to him. He finally answers...

DIGITAL SPECTRE OF A FRIEND OF A FRIEND: "Hey, that is pretty nice! I am always blown away by the depth of your worldbuilding!"

MORALE HEALED +1

EMPATHY [Medium: Success]: Okay, at least this guy likes us.

DECONSTRUCTION [Easy: Success] This veritably shows that our art is not *bad*, so something else must be going on here.

NERD-JOCK TRANSUBSTANTIATION [Medium: Success]: Hey, this bro is *real*!

NOISE SUPPRESSION [Easy: Success]: Everything inside you feels lighter, *validated*, somehow.

1. [Excitedly jump out of your bed.]

2. [Output a highly memetic sound of deep satisfaction.]

1. [Excitedly jump out of your bed.]

EXPLOSIVE POWER [Formidable: Failure]: Your brain sends out a clear signal, but your sore muscles don't move a millimeter.

HOMEOSTASIS: Sorry, boss, not happening. We should've had more that one meal today if we wanted to perform entrance-level acrobatic tricks like that.

2. [Output a highly memetic sound of deep satisfaction.]

2. [Output a highly memetic sound of deep satisfaction.]

NOMINALIZATION [Trivial: Success]: I know a couple good ones, *bestie*. Would look really *-core* on your *moodboard*, or whatever.

YOU: "Yipee!", you say, "Wahoo!", you whimper.

UNDIAGNOSED MENTAL ILLNESS (AKA "THE TUTORIAL"): This feedback cycle has officially concluded. You must create more art to feel satisfaction again.

HOMEOSTASIS [Trivial: Success]: Can we go to sleep now? Tomorrow is gonna be hell by all margins...

BLACK MIRROR OF PRE-APOCALYPTIC POST-TRUTH: Hey, you can't go! You'll miss so much stuff you won't care about!

1. "You're right, my beloved obelisk!" [Keep scrolling for 4 more hours, completely ruining your following week.]

2. "Sorry, *siliconstie*, but I really need to go." [Finally go to sleep.]

2. "Sorry, *siliconstie*, but I really need to go." [Finally go to sleep.]

Thought gained: The Ovine Enumerator

[idontwanttospoiltheparty]

hot take: nothing happened in india, nothing happened in the new york apple trip. paul didn’t reject john and john didn’t reject paul. there was no great conversation that led to a rejection. and john was not checked out of the band in 1968 even if he did bring in yoko to the studio. like even in get back, he does not seem checked out at all. a bit strung out and without sleep, sure. but like this man had energy, he was about playing with his boys. im not saying he completely liked being a beatle. there were things he was completely over with, as were all of them including paul. the mega pressure they were constantly put on, they were all tired of it, and it didn’t just come from one band member. mlh for example kept on emphasizing this the whole way through, im sure that was a burden for all of them - plus he would never shut up about it. even george though everyone likes to pretend he was done with the band too. there’s literal interviews of him in 1970 and 1971, heck even in 1973 talking about playing with the group. can we stop pretending paul was the only one who cared about the group and affected? i see this on twitter and tumblr, from old heads and newer fans and if you really look into it, read the interviews, watch the videos, it’s a completely different story altogether. now if you want to say they were tired of the format they’ve been operating under for the past 8+ years, yes completely I’ll give you that, but even paul was at that point too, it’s why he suggested to go back to the small intimate venues, get back to performing live. john was even discussing doing something similar in the early 1970s even though he called paul daft about the idea lol.

i guess i’d just like more nuanced takes on this site, and i feel like we had it on here in past, but recently it’s been more biased or geared towards the overly looking at everything through a shipping lens. but i just feel we lose some great insight when we do that. and people can post what they want, sure, but then when a post gets passed around like it’s gospel and makes it’s way to twitter or some other site like it’s facts, i just don’t see the point. like that one post about the mclennon hug at nme and paul shrugging john off. it made it’s way to twitter and i had a friend of mine ask me was paul always such an ass to john? what?

sorry for long post. you said hot takes and i just kind of went with it. appreciate your thouhhts!

Oh my goooooooood re: the NME hug thing. Also love that twitter is still copying tumblr though, we are the moment <3

I agree with most of your points. I do think India represented some shift to John, but I don't think that means anything specific happened with regard to Paul. Like, maybe! He definitely upended his life almost directly after returning from that trip and seemed disappointed it hadn't fixed his problems, and Paul could easily have had something to do with that (because Paul was important to John and a big part of his life!) but that doesn't necessarily mean a specific thing happened between John and Paul. I do get how that one convo in Get Back could be indicative of something. Generally I think the usual McLennon interpretation of that dialogue is plausible enough, but it's just by far not the only possible interpretation (and also people like CONSTANTLY forget Paul was always scheduled to leave early. maybe that upset John, but still).

I think the shipping lens is a worthy one to consider, but usually this stuff has tons of facets and I agree with you that it seems we're seeing less and less of those other facets and also more and more sharing of context-less factoids. It's hard because you don't want to barge in on every post and "spoil the party" (haha !) but it's also frustrating to see people sharing unconfirmed stuff as if it's a fact. And some people just don't take this stuff very seriously, I know, but, every time you check the notes, it's clear some people really do.

I think the number one thing I wish we had more of is interrogation of sources. Honestly, one of the least compelling pieces of "McLennon evidence" to me is people super peripherally involved with the Beatles or even biographers comparing John and Paul to a married couple. It's interesting and worthy of examination that John, Paul, and Yoko made this comparison; it's somewhat eyebrow-raising that Francie Schwartz, who got to watch them from up close for a short period but also clearly had an axe to grind + comes across kinda self-important, made this comparison at times; on the other hand, I literally Do Not Care if Bob Spitz or Ruth McCartney invoked this image lol. That's barely worth more to me than someone on tumblr posting a pic of John and Paul and saying Don't They Seem Gay Here?

ANYWAYS, is there any particular topic you think would be worth a more nuanced discussion, anon? :)

[turtlecleric]

assumption - others have said in need of a hug (yes true) but also,

may not have been praised in the way that you deserved growing up and instead others tried to dim your light because they were envious or wanted to see you fail (->im here to tell you they suck ass. you're everything and more; skilled; determined; worthy; and i love you so so much and i am so so proud of you)

Did you know that I would die for you? Did you know that I love you so goddamn much? Did you?

This is way too much personal info that no one actually cares to know, probably, but. I'm sort of avoiding work on purpose at the moment and I'm having a really rough day. Who needs therapy when you have asks on Tumblr to rant in? (I'm joking, to be clear. Actual therapy is so valuable and important if you manage to find a competent professional who clicks well with you. The only reason I stopped going is because of Covid, time, and money.)

Warning: VERY long vent ahead, please do not feel obligated to read or respond

My dad was really good about praising me in ways that felt genuine, actually, though that made the times he /was/ upset with me all that much worse. My dad isn't perfect, and he's done some things and said some things that I'll never forgive, that I'll never be able to forget, but I would also do anything for him. I know he's there for me when I need it, I know he'll answer when I call, I know that he actually cares about me. He and maybe like two cousins are the only family I would never be able to cut off.

My mom... I guess it was just sort of the baseline bare minimum expectation that I would do things well, so when I /was/ praised it was just like... oh, good job sweetie! Proud of you! But it didn't feel... I don't know how to describe why but... I don't know. Now, when people tell me I do things well I always have that voice in my head that's like "they're just being nice, they don't actually think it's all that great, they expected you to do a much better job than this, actually, why did you even bother sharing? Why did you think this was something to be proud of?" I read way too far into things, interpreting neutral reactions, or even positive reactions that aren't as enthusiastic as I might have hoped for, as proof that people are simply being nice and don't really like what I do or make or say all that much. I always get stuck in this mindset that I'm not allowed to create mediocre content, like it all has to be Excellent or else it's Terrible.

I also remember in high school, posting some drawings on Facebook that I was really proud of. Two drawings, one with hands in chains and cut up and the other with healed hands glowing with holy light and cradling a cross. It was supposed to show the difference between life without God and life with God (I was... VERY religious as a teenager. I am now agnostic.), but she saw the first picture and freaked out, super pissed, yelling at me to take it down, to not embarrass her like that, because people were going to see that and think I was abused or depressed or something (haha... me? Depressed? Nahhhhh). And that was the moment when I knew I could never ever ever share anything even remotely dark with her, that if I ever were to express something that indicated I was anything other than good and happy and perfect then she would react similarly. She's also very judgemental regarding mental health, often made comments about how "people who are/do x are sick, there's just something wrong with them, make sure you stay away from people like that" while I'm sitting on the couch like... oof. That's me. So all my venting went to Tumblr where she couldn't see, and even now I mostly only vent on Tumblr and through writing. I have many wonderful friends that would gladly allow me to vent to them (I love you all so much I love you I love you I love you, thank you for being so kind), but I simply Cannot. I've had a friend before where it felt like all they did was complain, they were always so goddamn negative, and it became a chore to talk to them. I started to get angry every time they said or did something defeatist, I stopped enjoying talking or hanging out with them, and I refuse to be that person. Even if I'm told over and over that I don't come across that way, I'm so terrified of it that when I think about reaching out I start to think of that friend and about how I shouldn't bother people and I panic. Unless I've gotten to the point where I truly believe that nothing I do or say will ruin the friendship, then it's really hard to push through that fear. But that's so much harder than it used to be because I /did/ lose a friend that I thought I would have literally for the rest of my life, I was so 100% confident that we would be 80 years old still hanging out with each other and goofing around, so sure we could go through anything together and stay friends, I knew in my heart and soul that we would be friends until we died, and I was wrong. I was wrong. I also had a different friend who was always there for me, always praised me, always listened to me when I needed it and told me kind things and made sure I felt welcome and loved and viewed positively, and then he fucking assaulted me one night when he thought I was asleep.

Anyway. When I /did/ fail at things growing up, it was either punished more severely than necessary or straight up laughed at. Mom was very hot and cold, too, you could never tell what kind of mood she was going to be in that day. (She is still like this. It's well known in my family that you never know which version of her you're going to get.) Things are fine one moment and then suddenly I'm in trouble for something I didn't even realize I did wrong (like with the drawings), so I'm just. Terrified of not doing well enough at things, of disappointing people, of people being annoyed with me or upset with me over something I didn't even realize was rude or mean or wrong to begin with.

"Don't overstay your welcome; don't bother people" was pounded into my head. I can't express how often I start to say or type something and then think, "No one cares. Stop bothering people. You're being too much, you're being annoying, they're tired of you, just keep it to yourself." I'm working on it but. Yeah. Half the time I still just stop talking or backspace and stay quiet. Even typing this, I'm like... you should delete this. You're basically just begging for attention, and if anyone says anything about this to you then it'll only be because they felt obligated to and they're going to start seeing you as a whiny, pathetic, manipulative person, and they're going to get tired of you and roll their eyes every time you say anything, even if it's not you venting, or they'll see this and think about how stupid or weird it is for you to put this information out on the internet, and even this sentence right here is proof that they'd be right because you're aware of all these thoughts and you're still doing it.

But then another part of me thinks that if I can't even vent on my own blog on a post that literally no one is required to read that is also hidden under a readmore and clearly states that it's a vent post, then where /can/ I vent? And if someone else posted this, would I be this harsh on them? And what's so wrong with seeking attention and comfort? Why is that unforgivable in yourself but admirable in others? Why are you crying at work? Why aren't you doing your job? Why aren't you better? Why aren't you better?

[iwsynttr-project]

WAAAHHH I just saw people have been posting about the project on Pinterest???

THANK YOU???

I am so pink oh my goodness aaa

I'll give some updates then so people know we're not just slackin', haha;;

This past week we've been hella busy with church, school, trying out programs, still figuring out the whole learning to drive thing, stuff with disability, etc... but especially with Valentine's Day & Moose's birthday.

CJ came up to visit which was really special & we got to eat out & get boba all together which was super nice as he doesn't live too close by ever since we moved a few years back.

I recently got most of my m3dz figured out so I might be able to start hrt within the next year, & it sounds like the date has been set for CJ & I to get married this April 29th!

On top of all this we recently found out that a couple other plans have been thrown into the mix:

Our folks are planning to head out for a week a few states away to spend time with family & celebrate our twin cousins' birthday & then they'll be goin to Medieval Times for Moose's birthday possibly with another friend or cousin.

My mom & I are gonna try & see a show with CJ & his mom if they're able to come for my 21st birthday (Which is March 13th!) & CJ's birthday is at the start of April.

Right before our wedding is my dad's birthday & we're gonna see another live performance in another state, & then right afterwards a few days later is gonna be the wedding.

We're just gonna make it small & Soukoku themed, but maybe years later from now when we're livin' alone & financially stable we might do a bigger more official wedding. We'll renew our vows, maybe have custom made suits, special stuff like that.

Somethin' we're hopin' to do is for the small one we might make custom Lego Minifigures to be in front of/above the cake & then if we save up... the four-six hundred bucks... we wanna get the Soukoku "wedding" figurines that came out a bit ago.

It's a dream.

Anyways, as for the actual project!

I'm still working on the script when I have time, I just got stumped since we don't have Golden Demon written yet- but I managed to come up with some content to fill in for during or after the scene plays out for now & continued from there.

Moose has decided to try & make two versions of Life's Better With A Little Party In It: one that's a trashy pop song, & one that's his own take on the song based on artists like YOASOBI. (Into the Night, Monster, Idol, etc...)

We're also thinking about making a Cover Album on the side to go with the soundtrack just for fun with covers of songs from bands & artists like ONE OK ROCK & Set It Off.

I'm still thinking I might go for making The I Was Screaming Your Name Through the Radio Project into an episodic animatic series, but with everything going on I might wait to record the actual script & songs until we've got most of the script & songs written out more at the least if not also until after I get a better microphone & possibly start injections. (Maybe I'll still do the first few chapters since they're just teens anyways but meh whatever; we'll see.)

I did do a drawing while I was free last night though & have been talking with my dad who's voice is basically his life & career about vocal training of sorts or if I should find classes online or something along those lines for it.

(Back to the drawing) I made a concept design for Moose's online/music persona AquaticSnow & a possible first EP/Album cover. I'm not sure I'll post it (yet?) since he might use it for stuff like his avatar, channel/s, music, etc but if I do it'll be on my personal main Tumblr, Instagram, & probably Deviantart & Twitter/X.

I'm also nervous about somebody tryin' to steal the art &/or concept.

Another reminder that I do have a personal server where I stream drawing, gaming, sometimes reading & writing, watch parties (movies, shows, etc...) & I post planning & updates for the project there!

.:Charli's Discord Server:.

( Don't forget to pick roles & read the rules! Otherwise you can't see the other chats;; )

Sorry 'bout the long post, haha;; we hope you all had a great Valentine's Day!

Charli

[katyspersonal]

How to identify that someone's account is shadowbanned

Okay so, basically? Tumblr is being a real mess with this, but you can help the artists that got nightmare'd like that! Shadowbanning on Tumblr is a very annoying thing that makes your posts not appear in search and recommendations, makes you unable to use DMs (and people can't send you asks the last time I checked, either?), doesn't show your notes to other people etc.

The easiest giveaway is if the person does not have you blocked, but when you hover over their icon, the blog doesn't display any posts:

(Using a person that got shadowbanned as a volunteer because Tumblr hates good art lmao)

Usually when you check their blog, you can see there is no ask or DMs option available, and for further evidence you could check the posts that you know they liked/reblogged. If it doesn't show their notification, it usually further proves they've been shadowbanned (rarer it means they were blocked by OP since they liked/reblogged this post, so this is a bit more vague). Another good evidence is if their post is not showing in Tumblr's search tags - especially if you clearly remember you did see it in the tags previously!

If you reblog the post from a person that got shadowbanned - it will still show up on the dashboard and in blogs, but shadowbanning still seriously robs artists from exposure (and from potential new customers if they sell stuff). My incentive to check whether artist got shadowbanned is usually when there are too little notes considering the quality.. Works almost always + proves my point.

How to help?

If they have left other means to contact them (email, patreon/boosty, twitter, insta, etc) - message them there, explaining the issue! I usually link a good post about Shadowbanning from @that-damn-girl that explains in details what it does and what to do ( x ), TLDR; they need to message Tumblr staff about the issue via in-site function. Explain that their posts do not show up anywhere, they can't use asks and DMs have disappeared, all that. Usually within one week staff explains it was a glitch and apologise, and they can see the difference when DMs are back, posts show up in tags, their notes are visible etc. Sometimes staff might forget to get back upon too many requests, so sending other ticket is also an option.

Some blogs won't have any means to contact them available, so in these cases I have to "get creative" usually. For example, explain them that Tumblr fucked them up in the comments under some post (track this post regularly because, again, their response will not show up in your notes). Or maybe bother their mutual that I have a reason to think has their Discord or other contacts and could pass the message to them. Usually there are SOME ways to inform the person!

Basically - train to identify and undo this shit! It is somewhat easy to spot when you know what signs you're looking for. I have seen SO many artists, especially ones not speaking English native or who migrated from Twitter to have no idea what is going on, and their followers don't know what shadowbanning is either!

___________________

P.S. There is also a rare possible issue (that I have had a misfortune to encounter when I was trying to unban my blog) where they consistently ignore messages from affiliated email. If you feel like that's the case and you have been banned for too long, despite repeatedly sending tickets, try to use another email and explain why you did so. The possibility is very unlikely but as someone who had to deal with this, I just thought it is worth mentioning. Hopefully I was the only "lucky" one like that haha.

[shwarmii]

hi, i'm @/shwarmi, and tumblr tERMINATED MY BLOG (AND ALL MY SIDE-BLOGS WITHOUT WARNING ME) and i messaged them to get it back but idk when theyll get back to me, so here i am in the meantime, hello, i guess this is my back-up account now, yes, my url is a pun on Roman numerals, anyway, sure do fucking hope i gET MY BLOG BACK JFC

edit: i've been filling out a ticket form about Account Termination once a day (here's the link to it if you ever need help finding it for yourself in the future; please don't try to help me via spamming the ticket form or anything, they explicitly ask to not involve other people uninvolved in your account AND i feel bad enough doing spam once a day already; but, anyway, yes, i recommend doing what i did and having bookmarked the aforementioned link and just copy&paste my form answers into the ticket from a seperate document, like from Google Drive or something, so you don't have to retype it everytime), and i have recieved no reply nor even a confirmation e-mail. hence the lack of updates on how my account is doing. there's no other way to contact staff, except maybe via Twitter, as their support e-mail is no longer accepting messages (hopefully bc of the following they will be in contact with you sooner than they have been with me, bc i didnt know this following tip this past week i've been filling out that ticket and noW YOU DO, you lucky bastard. do what i did with a seperate document to prep in case this is a multi-day process, but hopefully you'll get farther in less time than i have bc jfc i wasn't even getting a confirmation e-mail beforehand big McYikes)

BUT!!1! a friend of mine who was terminated last year said to attach my un-terminated e-mail's account (aka the e-mail i am using right here for @/shwarmii, and not for the terminated @/shwarmi like i had been doing liKE A DUMMY APPARENTLY) to the ticket's general "Put your e-mail here" slot and to explain within "The more details, the better" part your original e-mail attached to the terminated account in addition to the rest of your explanation. and i finally got a confirmation e-mail that my ticket has been recieved! yes, it was just an automated response but yay! finally!! progress!!1! i at least got a fUCKING CONFIRMATION E-MAIL, HAHA, VICTORY!

god i fucking wish i knew about the "just dont use your e-mail linked to your terminated account" tip a week ago jfc on a hot dog stick, my guys, finally, a confirmation e-mail, gahhh

since i now have a confirmation e-mail, i will wait five buisness days (so today is the 8th and a Monday, therefore, i'll wait until Saturday which is the 12th except i said "business days" ergoooo Monday the 14th) to e-mail them again. i hate waiting tho ughhh like, fine, i'll do what i gotta do but also ugghhhhh

↳ additional note: this update/edit was made on 8 August 2023. @/shwarmi has been terminated since 31 July 2023 (or 30 July 2023, and i just was too exhausted to make the account/post until the 31st. i forget. i was in the middle of moving and im disabled, so i was over-exerting myself big-time. i had processed that my account had been terminated at the time and just responded by taking a nap lmao rip but yeah, therefore, it's all been a blur)

NOTHING HAS HAPPENED. COOL. (Narrator: It was not, in fact, "cool".) I WAITED AS PLANNED (this update is being written on 14 August 2023) AND STILL NO FOLLOW-UP TO MY CONFIRMATION TICKET. HATE THAT FOR ME.

instead of sending in a new ticket as i originally planned, i replied to their confirmation email since it said i could do that (for permalinks or whatever) so that they will HOPEFULLY get back to me without me having to be a pest about their automated systems, ugh.. (i have cropped out my email and the Ticket Number(? i assume that's what that string if letters and numbers are anyway) for privacy reasons, but here is what the confirmation e-mail looks like and how i replied. i am including this mostly to help out anyone who may be terminated in the future have an idea of what to expect and an expectation of "OH, okay, so i can reply to THIS email-address, got it" kind of nonsense or whatever. why not lmao)

i will wait another five buisness days, so that'll be on the 21st of August 2023. hopefully, i will update with good news before then (aka: they'll haVE REPLIED MAYBE PLS PLS PLS) but i guess i will have to be annoying if not

it is the 20th (so they have one more day before i have to be annoying anD I DONT WANNA BE.. pls send me ideas of how to be annoying that doesnt include the Hateful Xitter pls, my only idea is to DM them there and i dON'T WANNA) and even my gmail thinks the lack of response is fucked up lmao rip

having a Bad Brain Day streak rn due to my (abusive) dad's failing health and unpacking and all this other shit i have to do post-moving like switching my insurance and renewing my liscence and fuck all, so bothering tumblr about not replying to me is gonna take a bit more of a backseat for a minute, hold on

it.. is now August 30. brain still in gutter, but i forced myself to make a xitter/twitter (don't follow, ill delete the account after they help me or not). and it wouldnt let me dm, so i had to just @ them and post. brain so sad that i cannot even be amused rn that @/shwarmi on there was taken by a shwarma restaurant. @/tumblrsupport's Replies tab shows signs of helping people as recently as 2 hrs ago, but idk if there's another queue here. i guess we'll find out?? i just want my accounts with all their posts and shit back pls, this has taken so long to try to do 💔

edit: if you're curious, it is 3 Sept 2023 and i am still waiting (it looks like they are looking at people who @'ed them on Sept 1 rn and iM LIKE "PLSSSS, I @'ED YOU ON THE 30TH OF AUGUST PLSSSSSSS", gonna give them until the 5th before i tweet again i guess 🥺)

i am not god's strongest soldier. i continue to cry out for help, alas, i have yet to receive an answer

it does not help that the twitter account sometimes says to people: "What is your Tumblr URL? We can check and see if there was a glitch of some sort. But be advised that if it is a TOS violation situation or a bigger tech issue, we cannot assist/reply on Twitter" so that doesnt make me panic aT ALL that maybe i broke TOS without any form of a warning or knowledge that i wasnt following tumblr's terms of services regarding things like nsfw and whatnot (narrator: they were panicking)

i hate it here. staff should at least be able to tell me (via email, if not twitter) that i wont be getting my account back or whatever else instead of just saying NOTHING??????

going to do all this again (tweet support, make a whole new ticket (i still have the info saved thankfully), reply to my old email confirmation) on September 27th (an arbitrary date based on I Have A Lot Going On Rn) if they continue to not reply. if i hit the 30 images limit, guess ill be reblogging and adding even MORE to this thread jfc juST TALK TO MEE!!!1!

[koiyin]

GUYS GUESS WHO'S BACK... 'YAY'

so uh idk why i come back on tumblr every couple months and make posts like this but i've basically ruined my account at this point haha perfectionist issues and i'm going to try to be honest with everyone of you guys because. idek at this point

i don't know how everyone's opinion of me is at this point, and it feels like i'm ruining it. i don't know if this is me now, if i kind of put up a front before, but why these posts seem different than the others on my blog is a mystery to me ^^'

maybe i'm just overthinking it, though?

well, my life is pretty shit. i don't really have any friends, except for a couple close ones who can somehow deal with me-- and, yeah. people at my school don't really like me, and i've fucked up a lot recently. this post sounds really depressing. sorry for that.

i don't know, i guess prior to the whole incident (moots, yk what i'm talking about) i always tried to put up a cheerful front. i had an idealized version of myself, and that was koi. and i did act like myself a lot around you guys, because i became comfortable with all of you and i felt accepted. i'm really grateful for what you all have done for me.

so, more about what's going on- basically, i'm just... not happy with myself, i guess. i wish i had more friends.

you know, my goal in life at one point was to be friends with everyone in my grade. that was more than a year ago. i guess that whole hope pretty much died out. but i do still try my very best, and this is turning into a ramble which i'm sorry for but i just want to get everything off of my chest.

i'll probably never use tumblr regularly again- but, who knows, shit changes.

the incident really affected me. after i was told about everything and learned about all of what happened, i was just... i don't know. i was told that it was that day that i began to eat less, act angrier, and all of that shit- and that went on for a couple weeks.

eventually, i tried to forget about it. i still think about every once in a while, though.

well, i'm starting to sound like a pessimist. i miss when i could be koi, the friendly, cheerful, happy person who had a bunch of friends that worried about him and asked if he was feeling okay.

i don't even know what's going on anymore. i feel fine, and then i go through short spikes of depression. or maybe i'm just a person that's sad all the time, but i choose to be ignorant. i'm really sorry that whoever reads this has to hear me vent and all that shit, but i'm just glad that i can say all of my feelings in the hopes that someone will read this.

so, let's talk about what's been going on since i've left- since i really feel like i should add some filler because of my long absensce '- -

well, i got a suit that kind of reminded me of haruchiyo sanzu from tokyo revengers (haha weeb things) and i look pretty hot in it, ngl- and, my family moved back to our house, which got remodeled. i've done a lot of drawing, too.

and, for context of the tokyo revengers comment earlier- i've been hyperfixating on it for so long. i love the series and the characters aaa

also, i started bakuman and black butler, and they're pretty good! i love the plot of bakuman so much!! (the death note team always makes amazing manga) i also got the first book of haikyuu from the library, because i've seen it referenced online so much and i haven't taken the time to check it out yet.

whew. i don't know, i guess saying all this makes me sound more human than just pixels on a screen. (but i'm actually 3 ducks in a trenchcoat) (i'm not funny)

i've had a lot of homework, so i've been pretty busy.

and i have to go eat dinner now, so i'll be leaving- but again, thank you guys for being my friends for so long. and, why are people still following me when my blog is inactive like- ????

[kissmetwicekissmedeadly]

I know you already talked about but this I think the fandom has changed a lot. I am a shy reader so I stay on anon and I don't reblog much because my Tumblr is small. But I have been around for a few years and its not the same.

There was a lot more playfulness and silly posts. People reblogged other people's writing a lot more. I also had fun following how people talked to each other.

The kind of writing people wanted was different. You didn't have such a focus on how "good" the writing was or how much imagery a writer used. It was about the stories being told and it feels like that has changed. The fandom seems to only want that flowery writing, those blogs that write at a "elevated" level. I was just fine without it, to be honest.

I am sad that people are not liking things and that Prince is taking over more and more. There is no love anymore for Vamp or Sen or Rev (my beloved Rev 😭)

I don't know why I am reaching out to you except you have been here a long time, one of the best blogs in this fandom. And part of me is just sad that it feels like the fandom is dying.

Oh my god anon..... when i saw your ask last night i got overwhelmed with emotion and with all the things that popped up in my head that i wanted to say to you, but today real life gave me another portion of problems and I'm sitting here giving my screen a blank stare. i hate this, i really want to give you a better answer, but let me try. and thank you for sending it in this blog, i feel even more comfortable talking on here!

The thing you pointed out about the quality of writing and people's demands.... it's actually something i wrote in my last reply to you. and then deleted it. because i thought, "haha no it must be just me", but now that you say it, im prone to agree - your angle of things is actually very trustworthy in my opinion, being someone who's been here for so long and observed from afar. for me it's easier to forget how it was in the beginning, but now that you say it, you're absolutely right... the blogs i looked up to, the writers i admired, weren't put on a pedestal for their skills, it was purely in my head how great they were - to a point where it makes me sad that it feels like ive received more praise now than they did back then. some of them don't write as often anymore, if at all... it's not right. i wonder why did that happen and when, and if it's actually harmful for us writers or im being too cautious. i want to be just like you sometimes, to enjoy the fruits of this fandom from the comfort of being a small blog seldom interacting with posts but still appreciating them from afar - i've been that person in other fandoms, and it has its perks definitely. it's just some strange miracle that i became what i am right now and broke through the shell of being a shy reader! seriously! i appreciate you and people like you, because im glad that i can make more of those fruits for you to enjoy. it's an unpopular opinion but ive never been mad at lurkers all that much. everyone has their reasons to feel uncomfortable interacting, and other than that, i personally want to have a blog where people escape from the hustle of being seen and present. again, that's just me, and i'll encourage commenting and sharing work when it comes to my peers... we're getting off topic, haha. and i should make a paragraph break already

i want to comfort you somehow but without lying to you that "nooo it's alright we're still having fun around here and the fandom is totally not dying" and we could make what the musicians on titanic did, but hey, we're not in the middle of the ocean and i seriously cant be a pessimist 😭 i don't think that it's that bad - i did say that some writers are put on pedestal, but are they really? i doubt anyone is seeing those things so dramatically, well maybe that one anon. but that's just one case, and unfortunately it affects how we see things A LOT , because noone else allows themselves to point out things in such dramatic light, no matter if they're right or not. we're paying the anon a lot of attention, so this fucks with our heads to a certain degree. i think that you should rest assured that this mood around the fandom is temporary, same with the more fun postings that you mentioned - i have a theory for that too, and it's because ikepri is simply not allowing for as much goofing around as its predecessors. you still see your doze of cursed jokes but they're not realistic in the nature of the game's world like they would in ikerev for instance, or even ikevamp . but that's fine because, and this is something i actually thought about the other day, they can't keep making more and more dramatic dark and twisted all overly serious games (right? right?) , somewhere along the way a game with the carefree atmosphere of ikerev will come to existence again, and we'll heal again. and the hateful anons who dont see that we're just a bunch of people having fun without that made-up hierarchy , will get bored and go away eventually. i believe in that, and i really want to make you believe too

i enjoyed talking with you about this, and i hope i didn't gave any unnecessary seriousness to our talk because im trying very hard to stick to the belief that our time here should be purely just positive and fun... and hey, we might have not interacted much, but knowing that you've been here for awhile already makes me feel you close somehow hkhkhkhk is that weird??

now, let me give you this ticket: 🎫 that equals one xxsycamore request (from the valentines/1000 followers one) and i want you to think of the most self-indulgent prompt you can come up with and send it. you said ikerev my beloved so if you end up choosing that (seeing that there is a serious lack of those requested 😭😭) id be even happier to write it for you. dont worry to refuse ofc <33

im sorry that this was all over the place and thank you for coming here anon. have a great day ❤

[bygonegaol]

call it cope I couldn't care less about the end of this nonsense but I really do believe that vriska would have won the numbers game if

A) people knew and understood the spirit of the poll, and that it was not a fucking sexywoman poll and

8) we hadn't had that massive twitter migration that probably caused miku to lose(?)*

(*because I think a lot of us (us being vriska voters) actually did vote miku. I know I did. who willingly and without pause chooses bayonetta over fucking hatsune miku? and if there were actually that many people on this website going to bat for bayo, where were all of them in the next round? I joked of vote manipul8ion and there was talk, but I kind of doubt that THAT many vriska voters sabotaged miku. honestly. maybe. I think. even if that's in vriska's spirit and incredibly hilarious and on point)

C) if people weren't spite voting solely to "make the homestucks lose" and/or revenge voting because their faves had lost to Vriska (haha, you did make her pay in the end though. homestuck even won when it lost) But this sort of plays into who she is anyway. there were people going "I have to choose the non-vriska option" which was most indicative of her impact on them. supreme stance. you have seen enough of her, and power to you.

and D) the obligatory You had to have fucking been there (...except not really. you can still see it. you can still experience it. It's happening still. we DID start the fire but it's also been burning or whatever. it's in the room with us. it's already here. we warned you about the vriscourse. we told you dog. I could go on)

this is my last post on the subject because I'm tired and I work again in the morning but this whole ordeal was fascinating in all sorts of ways. good and bad. did you know I voted for rainbow dash in the beginning? I did. There are reasons for this that don't matter to this post and it's message.

The tumblr populace will forget that marceline won this poll in a matter of years but vriska has left so many traces of herself here that no one will forget her impact and the vriscourse. and if I have my way about a true homestuck resurgence no one that migrated here in the last couple years will either. threat and promise.

this was wild from start to finish. good game you all. I think we need herstory to repeat itself so you can all learn from it again

[revolutionsoftheheart]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Thank you for tagging me @majolination! 💜

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

24

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

166,478

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently: Star Trek, Ted Lasso, Doctor Who, although I'm mainly posting Ted Lasso at the moment (and my Doctor Who fic has never seen the light of day!). I find it hard to go back and forth between different fandoms.

Over the course of my fandom life: Stargate SG1 and Sanctuary (which are still only on FFN at the moment), Once Upon a Time, Madam Secretary (only Tumblr ficlets).

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

five (Star Trek: The Next Generation, Star Trek: Picard)

plausible deniability (Once Upon a Time)

in the silence (Ted Lasso)

somewhere along the way, i should forget (Once Upon a Time) 

Hide (Once Upon a Time) 

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do! I've gone back and forth on it during my fandom life because a few years ago, I read some post that was like 'you shouldn't reply to comments because you're just inflating the numbers' and that turned me off for a while, but I like answering comments. I like talking to people and discussing fic! So I do respond. As much as I can anyway. Sometimes, life gets busy.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Probably Surrender (Once Upon a Time), although it's really just tragic. Calling it angst almost seems to soft.

Maybe five (Star Trek: The Next Generation, Star Trek: Picard)? It's a fic about a couple breaking up over and over again.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Probably Ethereal (Once Upon a Time). It's one of two Christmas fics I wrote in that fandom, and I think this one is the most magical and very cute at the end.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

No, I luckily never have!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Sometimes, when the story requires it. I've never written smut for the sake of smut. I need emotions or something to go with it. I also dislike writing it, haha.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I have not written crossovers.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No! But I did write a fic in French once.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes, but it was never completed and I forget where it lives. It was a group project by a few authors, to write a season together.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

I'm going to answer this as the ship for which I've read fic the longest and that would be either Janeway/Chakotay (Star Trek VOY) or Picard/Crusher (Star Trek TNG), but this is a very hard questions to answer. The ship I've written the most for is Regina/Robin (Once Upon a Time). I love River Song/The Doctor (Doctor Who) with every single cell of my body, but I've never written anything for them. And of course, Ted/Rebecca (Ted Lasso) own my heart at the moment. So, my favourite ship? Yes.

15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Oof. Probably White Lies (Once Upon a Time). There's a chapter of it on AO3, but I won't bother linking because it's only one chapter, and although there's a full folder on my computer with scenes and I know the entire plot in my head, I don't think I'll ever have the motivation to write it.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I do angst pretty well, or like just emotional thoughts/scenes. Exploring characters and their motivation (vs plot, which I don't do as well, or much).

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

The English language? Lol. Okay, not entirely true, but my self-confidence in the fact that my English is good enough be a writer. Let's put it that way. I find that my vocabulary is never big or strong enough.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

If the fic calls for it sure! But it needs to be done well.

I've never written a dialogue in another language in an English fic, but as a reader and as someone who speaks French, nothing turns me off a fic faster than bad French. So if I were to write dialogue in another language, I'd want to make sure it was 100% correct.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

A little unknown local show on message boards 15+ years ago. It's been lost to the ether of the internet.

First fandom of my English fandom era: Sanctuary.

20. Favorite fic you've ever written?

I'm cheating and saying three because I can.

Favourite fic of all time and completed? Probably Greatest Hits (Once Upon a Time). I'm super proud of that one and all the multiple AUs I created for it and the way they are weaved together.

From this past year and completed? five (Star Trek: The Next Generation, Star Trek: Picard), hands down. I am so very proud of this fic. It's the first fic I managed to complete in 5 years. I feel like chapter 1 is a little rough, but by chapter 4, I impressed myself and it was a very nice feeling.

Incomplete? I've never had as much fun writing and planning something as I've had working on celestial games (Ted Lasso). I hit a bit of a wall because life got intense and then I lost my momentum, but I cannot wait to get back to it! I smile just thinking about it.

tagging in a no-pressure way (and sorry for any double tags): @broadwayfreak5357 @fandomfrolics @somewhereapart @ninzied @the-alpha-incipiens @writtenndust @quillerqueen and anyone else who wants to do it! (I did my best trying to spread this to various fandoms haha)

[babacontainsmultitudes]

Hi there, Bababird!!! Hope you're doing well 💗💗💗 Mayyybe 🎵 for Cassandra if you have any? I love how you've written her in your Sparrow/Cass fic btw - I still think about it an unhealthy amount dbfkhabfskhbs. And since the fandom on tumblr has collectively agreed that it's his day, mayhaps a 🎵 for Hermie as well hehe :]c

aw shucks she called me Bababird hehe Hi Happi!!! Thank you- I hope you're doing well too! I *definitely* have some for Cassandra! 😅 For better or for worse though a lot of them are either in the context of Cass/Sparrow or Cass/Nicky- so apologies in advance for any rambles I go on about either of those two ahaha I promise in either case things will eventually wrap around to being about Cass (and songs)!

Also, if you'll humor me, I don't think I'll be able to help myself but ramble a bit about the fic as well- it's just an easy way to talk about how I see Cassandra! 💜 ^_^* I'm very very flattered that you enjoyed her that much! You know at first I was maybe gonna do thing's from Sparrow's POV but then I was like- "PFF, fuck that, let's try to figure out what's going on in Cassandra head!"- it's the least she deserves, really.

And I know I'm too late for his "b-day", but I do have some Hermie songs as well! Mostly in the context of Oakworthy though ahaha... Those will be at the end! Edit: actually just the one this time around aha sorry I got lazy

(*slaps post* this baby can fit so many tangents! Sorry in advance for how stupid long this is!)

Okay *well*, let's start with a simple one that's just about Cass yeah? I can't say I've listened to much of their music in general, but "That's My Girl" by Fifth Harmony is *definitely* a Cassandra song for me!

There are a few lyrics in this one that standout for me in this one- but honestly it's also just the general vibe. I see Cassandra as someone who's very independent and hardworking, and also someone very capable of continuing to move forward in spite of hardships and "roll with the punches", so to speak (and Taylor definitely gets this from her hehe for sure for sure). Really the more I think about Cassandra, she's kind of a fucking badass LOL. Splitting from Nicky didn't stop her from staying on top of career all the while maintaining probably one the (if not the) healthiest of parent-child relationships in the show with her son, and really I just love that for her.

That said, for a few standout lyrics...

Yeah, who's been working so damn hard? You got that head on overload? // You've been down before. You've been hurt before. You got up before. You'll be good to go, good to go. // Get mad independent and don't you ever forget it // Nod if you've been played by every boo just tryna show you off. Thought he was the best you ever had, until he cut you off. // ain't nothin (x3) put your heart and your soul in it!

(also *points at Cassandra* that's my girl!!!)

ok ok next again if you'll humor me, I need to ramble about Sparrow for a bit in the context of the fic so that I can then ramble about Cassandra LOL.

So, ok, firstly I must confess that like, for me, I tend to read canon Sparrow as allo-aro (alloSparo? Maybe just Sparo... heh). Less popular of an opinion still is that I actually quite like that for him haha. And so for *me*, in the fic, he's prolly like aro and demisexual? That said, I know that ace Sparrow (Sparoace, Space- you get me it's funnier to do it this way) is very dear to many of you (which tbh I super understand), most especially the people who I most wanted to read the fic! So... I wanted to write something that was compatible with both interpretations? Not as a burden! I liked the challenge of trying to write something that was *sensual* but not inherently *sexual* (and in that regard... I think I did an *ok* job aha I'm sure there are certain parts that might be pushing it for some people but I had to be honest with myself about what I wanted to write too!)

Of course, as *you* know Happi, I'll still gladly drop aromantic Sparrow for a ship that tickles my fancy (and in fact I actually like these two in a romantic context as well even if it's not my default/preference- but that's for someone else's ask lol)... 😤But I was keen on keeping things platonic for this fic! Sure because I like that for Sparrow, but actually... It also had a lot to do with what I wanted to explore with Cass!

(Somehow this post is about Cass *and music* I SWEAR)

Right right right so- as far as canon goes I think it's fair to say that Cassandra is sexually and romantically a lot less ambiguous than Sparrow right- and so, well based on the little we have seen of her I get the impression that Cassandra has probably gotten fairly accustomed to a pretty "standard" kind of partnership style? And for a number of reasons... 😤 It seems she's struggled to find someone who can give her the level of commitment she deserves! Otherwise, based on her relationship with Willy (ew yucky Willy), I also feel like she might have a bit of a tendency to rush into things a bit.

Enter QPR with Sparrow! As I see it, this puts Cassandra especially in a very interesting situation. She's navigating forms of intimacy that are pretty foreign from what she's used to! To love someone... Without being *in love* with someone, per se. She gets the commitment she wants, but in a form that is unquestionably different from how she's always imagined it. Physically, there's room for intimacy (be it to one degree or another)... But she has to work up to/for it this time around, no more rushing into things!

But I see Cass as someone who is always up for a challenge. I think the novelty of these ideas is something that she would find exciting in its own right, and really she's someone who goes after what she wants at the end of the day. Not without her own insecurities I'm sure, which hopefully I got across! (And again, yeah, I definitely think Taylor takes from her in a number of ways haha).

SO ALL OF THAT SAID

"She had the world" from Panic! At the Disco is *also* a Cassandra song for me 😌

That was waaay too much lead in for a fucking patd song, honestly Happi I'm really abusing this opportunity to talk about Cass and the fic LOL

But ok ok, so with the above points in mind, this one for me is about Cass... From (an aromantic) Sparrow's perspective, and it's hard to explain exactly what I mean for this one, but yeah it's like- there's kind of this mix of insecurity and admiration and I guess... How to put this, on Cass' end she has to let go of the things she's come to take for granted a bit, and on Sparrow's end I think some fears that this kind of relationship won't be enough for her? Let me just give you the important lyrics hahaha:

She held the world upon a string, but she didn't ever hold me. Spun the stars on her fingernails, but it never made her happy, cause she couldn't ever have me // I don't love you I'm just passing the time. You could love me if I knew how to lie. But who could love me? I am out of my mind. Throwing a line out to sea to see if I can catch a dream. // But that girl had so much love. She'd wanna kiss you all the time. Yeah, she'd wanna kiss you all the time. // She said she'd won the world at a carnival. But I'm sure it didn't ruin her, it just made her more interesting.

OKAY that was a looooooong tangent for that one I hope like it sort of makes sense why I associate that one with her???

Finally Nicky, I'll make this much shorter lol. I'm not sure how people feel about these two in general, but I actually *love* them together tbh, and I hope we learn a bit more about their relationship (er what it was) in canon at some point! Still, everything I said about Cass probably being the type to rush into things probably applies here too, and ultimately I imagine that these two likely had a relationship that was... passionate, and intense, and exciting, but maybe not what either of them really needed in the long run.

So funnily enough

The song is actually called "Nikki", by Forever the Sickest Kids. And, well I think you'll catch my drift with a lot of these lyrics and why it makes me think of them so much aha:

He was the man of every hour. He was a party all alone. He'd give his jacket to a stranger in the cold. She was the beauty queen from Dallas. She could put a lion on a leash. And before he knew himself, she knew the man that he could be. // It's alright Nikki, it's alright, baby, you can let you hair down. // She was an angel craving chaos. He was a demon seeking peace. But they were each other's toxic cure called codependency.

And yeah! So yeah there's a lot of lines in that song that makes me think of them- more than the ones I listed here but for me these are kinda the standouts?

ok ok ok I made this post waaaaaaay too long Happi I'm so sorry ahahaha thank you for entertaining my thoughts I hope some of this makes sense??? I have a lot of feelings about Cassandra but they can be hard to convey!

Also, I'm starting to get a bit lazy, so I hope you'll forgive me if I leave you with my favorite song for Hermie (and well Oakworthy) without much of an explanation. Which is

"A guy that I'd kinda be into" from the musical Be More Chill :]

I think this one is *very* funny for both of them- especially cause of how many of the lyrics you could read as both Normal and Hermie's POV? If you haven't heard this song, go listen and I think you'll understand.

[ev-n-learning]

Cat stats: entirety of 2022 edition!

shut up no im not late youre late .

Note: I double checked and literally All of that writing was in belarusian! Despite the fact that I switched how i was tracking this halfway through! So technically that's 114 hours and 8 minutes. Pretty close to russian, actually!

Marathi has so many simply because at the start of the year, I was still trying to get a handle on actually like... reading. I'm decent at that now! But currently I'm not at any sort of level where I can talk or really read or anything, haha.

(Apparently tumblr doesnt like readmores when you have an image id. Hoping this doesnt somehow ruin the formatting!)

So, starting with ukrainian; as of today I have four skills to complete to finish the duolingo course! So I think that's at least like, 12 more days? Or something? After that I'm going to go back through to make everything legendary, so I suspect in total I will have spent at least a year on it. So that's... something. Lingq is the only thing holding my reading comprehension together right now I think 😂

For marathi, I'm honestly just curious how much better I'll be by the end of this year! Maybe my goal should be like, 'read sentences' or something lol. I've long since come to terms with the fact that I just Don't learn fast at all... :)

Russian is currently sitting on the backburner, so maybe I'm a little bit better, maybe I'm not. For now, though, I'll try to stick with it and see where that takes me! I'm happy with the fact that I finally made it through duolingo, and hopefully never have to go back again, haha

Belarusian: my one true love, light of my life, So Fucking Hard to find resources for. Anyways.

You may have seen I did nanowrimo in belarusian this year! I wrote a Lot, relatively, and have written exactly one thing in belarusian since. Such is the way of nano burnout... (but actually, I'm just procrastinating.)

I haven't decided yet whether I really want to post what I did or not, so currently the file is just sitting on my phone, waiting to be transferred so I can fix typos and stuff. It's probably going to stay like that for a while.

In other news, while I did want to start usong polygloss more, I've made a fatal mistake in constantly forgetting to reply to people, so now I think the total of 3 other people on there are ignoring me. Or just not using the app anymore, one of the two. ...in light of this, I am not using polygloss for belarusian currently. #r.i.p. my dreams.

I haven't really thought much about what I want to do this year... write more, at least. I'm definitely going to try nanowrimo again, when it comes around. I'd love to start getting more listening and reading in, but I don't go on youtube much, and as far as I can tell, most anybody who's posting in belarusian is on twitter. My twitter account has been dead since 2018 (or something) and it is going to Stay that way. As far as actual books go, eh... it's a bit harder to get my hands on anything, haha. If you happen to have reccomendations, I'm all ears... :P

(Yes there is also The Tiktok™️ but that, too, has the affliction of No Fucking Subtitles and is also a hellscape just generally, so... no.)

It's also still early in the year, so it's really anyone's guess how things are gonna end up! But that's where having simple goals comes in handy XD

In short...

Ukrainian: finish duolingo course, ???

Marathi: be able to sort of read, maybe

Russian: Who The Fuck Knows, better grammar (impossible for me and yet)

Belarusian: Know Everything Better, write... more comprehensively? write my langblr posts in belarusian, maybe?

[amazing-spiderling]

.✨🎀💝💌.

✨What’s a fic you’ve posted you wish you could breathe life into again and have people talking about it? (or simply a fic you wish got more credit)

Haha, man I don't think there's anything in the world I can do to get people to read/comment on "Getting the Band Together" but it sure would be cool. It's just one of the downsides of fandom events where a lot of fics and art get posted at the same time, so things can get lost in the shuffle. I've had kinda a rough stretch of luck with events with giftees dropping out/not being on AO3 to leave comments/forgetting to read and comment etc and while I got a nice reblog on this one, it's kinda hard to go back and find that and appreciate it as opposed to an AO3 comment etc.

IDK maybe it's bc it's a band AU? I don't really know who usually goes for those, so maybe I missed the mark on it, but I thought it was a good effort. XD

🎀give yourself a compliment about your own writing

WORKS WELL WITH OTHERS

haha, um, that is to say, I think I'm a pretty good writing partner? I mean, it doesn't always work out with everyone, but I have had some pretty successful collaborations in the past and I think that's due to me being not just good at coming up with ideas, but figuring out how to piece together the ideas both of us come up with in a logical (and hopefully satisfying way). Some of this happens in the planning stage, a lot of it happens in edits. I've gotten pretty good at meshing my writing with a partner's during edits so that it's not TOO terribly obvious when one person or the other has taken over. Anyways, it's just a skill I've developed over the years that I think not everyone has (because not everyone works that way).

💝what is a fic that got a different response than you were expecting?

"Bound in Volumes" was my fic with the most reviews for a long time. It was the first time I wrote a fic based on a random tumblr prompt, and I sorta started it from a "haha, let me bang out this one shot real quick" mentality. It grew to be a multichapter, and while I felt myself a little out of my depth writing about some topics I don't have personal experience with (namely PTSD) I tried to do my due diligence in regards to reading up on people's experiences and coping mechanisms. My expectation was that people would enjoy reading a fic about their OTP in an AU, and that would be that.

What I did *not* expect was to get several comments from people who experienced PTSD themselves (or had a partner who did) writing to tell me how much the story resonated with them. To read comments from people saying they felt like I'd transcribed their experience perfectly really shocked me, in a good way. Mainly, I take it as a lesson that you don't have to be or live everything you want to write about, you just have to be willing to put in the work, approach things with respect, and focus on telling the best story you can with what you've learned.

💌share something with us about an up-and-coming work (WIP) that has you excited

Things are starting to get real in "Homes Around the Corner"- a lot of history has been aired out between Matt and Foggy, which means we're able to move forward with some of the plotty elements, particularly the case that Foggy has been laboring over. I don't usually put a lot of case stuff in fics, so it's been a fun challenge to try and sort something out (even if the terms are still general) to include in this one.

[imweirdblog]

I have no idea what I am doing or how got where I am

Since the last time i posted it has been a few years i think.

I have gotten over all the lost friendships and the social life i had back then. I have lost pretty much all the friends i had except a few of them but i rarely get to speak with any.

People i meet now just seem selfish and the relationships feel extremely transactional in nature.

Am i projecting? am i the only one who feels this way?

I did finish my bachelors and somehow have found myself in the middle of my masters degree in business. Where does my life go from here?

I think partly the reason for the transactional nature of the people i find here is due to the fact that the scoring in this institute is relative meaning it doesnt matter if u scored a 1 out of 10. if everyone else scores a 0 u get an A+ anyway. Although it was the same before but i never felt like this. I am alone once again and faced with not scoring well. i got a 6.3 in my first term, people say its not the end of the world and i will find work if i have the skills for it but my parents always tell me to focus on gpa. I think reality in somewhere in the middle.

Speaking of my parents i somehow feel indebted to them. I dont think it was ever in my or my father's plan for him to be helping me for so long financially. I know how he feels i think as my father it is his duty to help me but he is disappointed in where i have ended up.

Also i really miss the devil lettuce, i have been off it for maybe half a year now but it is clear to me i'm not addicted i just crave it for some reason.

There are a few things i still enjoy which is video games and food. Seems very based tbh.

I do have hope i will reunite with my one friend KK one day. He has not replied to any of my messages in months. He disappeared, i know i had been withdrawn but i can't remember if i pushed him away but why hasnt he replied? I messaged one of his other numbers and it was his sister's who replied and gave me his current number which he uses, confirming the fact that he is alive and well and getting my messages.

I have a finance exam tomorrow so i'll get back to studying for now. not sure how often i will post its interesting to see these messages build up over the years. maybe when i die i will give these in my will to my progeny. if i ever make it that far haha

which also brings me to the fact that love can't be real i think i'm coming to this conclusion with how i see the world right now in its transactional state but tell me i'm wrong. people want things. its always an exchange. maybe the only real love to exist for me will be for my parents and my children, and of course i won't forget my sister.

hi future me reading this i hope it turns out well for you and tumblr isnt dead by then and tumblr if you do shut down please let us have an archive of all the posts we've made i can't let all this writing go to dust.

[moonlightheretic]

Hello again!

It's been a while! I haven't really been in the writing sphere since last May. I finished my long fic at that time and posted the final chapter with much relief. I immediately launched into my next project which was due in August and never really....looked back.

Actually, I ended up forgetting about it almost entirely.

I had projects lined up, one after another up until Christmas.

I know it's no excuse, but 7 years of planning and writing The Heretic sort of flew out the window. Hell, I haven't even written anything DA or Fan fic related in the last 6 months. It never crossed my mind again, until very recently when I had someone binge it and nearly comment on every chapter. While the fic has 2000+ hits over its 7-year posting schedule, I have never thought of it as popular or well-received. In fact, it might be quite low in terms of engagement for how long it's been hanging around on AO3. It did have its handful of regular fans which I am immensely grateful for! But after about a week after the final chapter's posting, it sorta died as I expected it to. Which is why it has stayed forgotten in the recesses of my mind until about a week ago.

First of all, I was incredibly impressed that they binged it in 2.5 days It is really not meant to be read that way since I throw so much information out at the reader, plus the twists and turns, and for the fact that each chapter's length is more like two or three in terms of word count, it is really meant to be read, slept on, thought about and then pursued again. Ideally.

Regardless I was overjoyed and grateful that it had engaged someone to that level of commitment. I've never had a reader binge it before! Thank you so much for reading and commenting, it truly made my December!

I suppose my point is, that without the reader, I wouldn't have been brought back to it. I would have continued on forgetting. It was sort of emotional going back through it. Those 7 years flooded back and I finally gave it the credit it deserved.

While writing it in the back of my mind, there was a bit of disdain for it, considering it was my first fic, it must automatically be bad right? I have no experience in the area and it is the first time, therefore it must be bad. But I really don't think that way anymore. I don't think it is bad. I think it could be improved like anything else and I am actually rather proud of it now. It was a piece of fiction I made for fun, why do I need to be so critical of it? If I enjoyed my time writing it, that's all that matters.

This whole week I have been in a sort of strange state of delayed mourning. Like I am depressed that it is finished. I never processed those emotions back in May, I was way too busy completing a massive three-year-long Cosplay project for a competition in August, and every scrap of time was dedicated to EVA foam and glue. Then my health took a turn. So to say the year as a whole was wild would be an understatement. So here I am, in the dark depths of late December mourning over something with no tangible form. Others have suggested I write a sequel to dispel my melancholy. But honestly, I am no longer the same person who wrote it. That person died when she posted the last chapter and I have no idea why. I don't think I could even convince myself back into the headspace. Plus, a sequel would be sort of ....well, I don't want to say impossible, but it ended the way it did for a reason. Don't want to reveal any spoilers here.

For now, with all of this said, I think I will just enjoy it. Maybe I will try reading it from start to finish in 2.5 days too. Haha! But I do want to throw some encouragement to other writers here on Tumblr. Don't ever doubt yourself. Even if it is your first fic, your first drabble, or one-shot, never doubt yourself and your work. Just have fun. <3

Going to post this here, because going forward I am proud to share it.

[xiao8-bb]

Man, I Feel Like A

A Linked Universe fic

[chapter 1]

Chapter 2: A Sticky Situation [posted on ao3 here]

At what point is it considered appropriate to tell your travelling companions you’re actually a man, and at what point are you supposed to take the secret to your grave?  Wild has no idea and it’s driving him mad with anxiety.  He’s kinda waffling towards keeping it a secret forever at this point.

It’s not like he’s a man all the time.  He was genuinely just having a lot of girl days at first and so forgot about the problem, and he didn’t bother to correct anyone on a boy day when they happened.  But now it’s been a few months, he’s been a boy consistently for at least a week now, and if anyone calls him “she” one more time he thinks he might solve his problem purely through violence and yelling.

This is such a weird problem.  He’s used to the opposite in his Hyrule, where he’d be having girl days and be constantly called “young man” or whatever.

The funniest part?  He wasn’t even a girl when he first met them.  He came straight out of Gerudo Town after talking with Riju on a boy day and didn’t think to correct them, and now look.  It’s been months.  

Gender is an awful curse sent down by Hylia Herself for using Her name in vain too often, and now Wild has to reap the consequences.  What a vindictive goddess.  He endeavors to use it all the more wastefully whenever he has this thought.

Usually it’s not much of an issue.  He calls his ever shifting moods “girl days,” “boy days,” “goron days” for the times he feels more neither than anything.  Almost always, he feels like… half a gender at most.  Like he took a bite out of an apple and found that enough.  

On girl days she fixes in an earring Issha recommended and calls it a day.  She hardly ever bothers correcting people, like how the Gorons won’t mind if you call one sister instead of brother.  On boy days, he puts in a different kind and knows it’s enough.  Even if the Gerudo call him Little Hylian Vai (as they’ve taken to nicknaming him), he feels about the same as he always does.  Goron days are the easiest, where they forgo the earrings entirely.  There’s the little thrill when someone gets it right, but it’s not a big deal.  Link is Link, after all.  At his core, no matter if he’s called Wild or Link or Champion, no matter if he’s called a boy or a girl or, once, a hellion menace to society, he’s always solely himself.  Gender feels more like an accessory than it does part of his identity.

Except it’s been months, and Wild is going insane.  He didn’t realize how much he depended on the occasional slivers of—validation? insightfulness? understanding?—having someone call him correctly.  His friends back home knew, at least in few in almost every major settlement, and they always referred to him correctly after checking his ears.  

At the risk of being redundant: Wild has gone months without that.  In one go, he solved the problem of being referred to almost solely as a man and ended up with the problem of being referred to solely as a woman.

And now the second problem: how in the name of Hylia (blessed goddess who is the source of all his troubles) is he supposed to tell the others?

Hey, I know you’ve been under the impression I’m a woman this whole time, but surprise, I’m actually a man!  Except it’s not all the time, but today I am and have been for the past week.

Could you do me a favor and call me he until I tell you to stop, and to keep doing that if I ever ask again?

You know when that man in the town two portals back said to grow some balls and take up his gambling challenge?  Might’ve found a solution to that.

“What’re you muttering to yourself?” Twilight asks, and Wild nearly drops his armful of mushrooms back to the ground with a squeak.  He turns with wide eyes to see the rancher raise an eyebrow at him.

“Nothing!”

He gets a disbelieving sigh at that, but he’ll take it.  Better Twilight believe he’s planning to dump Goron spice into someone’s bowl than hear what he’s saying before he’s found the words.  

Wild stands up from his crouch, disappearing his haul into the slate.  “Did you get the herbs I asked for?”  At Twilight’s affirmative, they start heading back to the camp in companionable quiet.  They hadn’t wandered too far off, but it’s still a walk back.

It’s Twilight who breaks the silence first.  “Say, Wild…”  He stops, both verbally and motion-wise, forcing Wild to stop as well.  Wild looks up at the man’s face.  There’s hesitance writ in the uptick of his mouth, and his gaze is unreadable.  “You’re a good kid, you know that?”

“Huh?  What brought this on?”

“Ah, it’s been a few months since you’ve joined our group, hasn’t it?  Got thinking, ‘s all.  You’ve got a good heart, so don’t hesitate to let us know if anything’s bothering you.”  He reaches out and ruffles Wild’s hair, smile widening into something genuine when Wild protests and pulls back.  “You’ve been looking a bit down.”

He… hadn’t realized his mood has been that obvious.  Wild looks down and kicks the dirt under his feet, hoping his ears aren’t as red as they feel.  A sincere, well-intentioned talk about his feelings?  Horrible.  Worst experience of his life.  “I’ll—”  His voice catches.  “I’ll be fine, Twi.”

He doesn’t need to look up to know Twilight is giving him that look, the one Wind calls the Big Brother Face.  “If you say so.  Just know we’ll be willing to listen and support you,” he says, gentle as if Wild is one of his goats.  

Wild runs his tongue over his teeth, feeling warmth and dread in equal amounts prick at him.  “Of course.”

And he’s not lying.  They’re all kind people at heart.  No one will care.  You don’t know that for sure, a little nagging voice says.  You lied to them for months, another hisses.  Should’ve spoken up earlier.  He can imagine the twinge of hurt in Hyrule’s face, the particular furrow in Legend’s forehead, the way Wind’s smile will drop a little if he tells them he’s been lying for so long and, worse, that they might’ve been hurting him, unintentional though it may be.  They’re too kind, is the problem.

It would’ve been one thing if he’d told them earlier.  Easier to laugh off, to brush aside as something that hadn’t crossed his mind until just then.  Like it wasn’t an intentional farce—it wasn’t!  Wild isn’t different at all, not where it matters.  Clothing doesn’t factor into it, because he’d wear whatever regardless of gender.  Neither does the way he acts, because a sashay is fun to pull off at any time, and as a girl Link has no problem swimming shirtless.  He’s just been going with the flow.

It feels like a farce though.  He never lied, not really, but he didn’t fix any of their assumptions, didn’t say anything, for months.  It’s a lie of omission that sits sour on the back of his tongue.

Twilight clicks his tongue, waiting until Wild looks back up at him to speak.  “Is it dangerous?  Whatever’s bothering you.”  He doesn’t seem stern or any more solemn than earlier, just an open, neutral expression on his face.

Uncomfortable, yes.  Dangerous?  No, not unless they run into a monster that feeds off conflicted guilt and pent up frustration.  Wild shakes his head.

“Then I’m not gonna pry.  I’ll keep Time from trying to dad you too, if you want.”

Unbidden, a giggle slips out of Wild.  “‘Dad’ me?”

“You didn’t think I’m the only one who’s noticed you’ve been down, did you?  I just got first dibs.”

Wild lets himself laugh fully at that, ignoring the stone in his stomach.  

-

Warriors flicks his gaze to the campfire, where a still-smiling Wild sits in front of a cooking pot.  She and Twilight had returned a while ago, snickering like mischievous children while sneaking looks to Time.  Old Man’s probably going to get some nasty purple chu jelly in his dinner tonight, he’s assuming.  A bit of a surprise she’s got Twilight in on it, though.  

It’s good to see that Wild’s in a better mood than before.  She’s been… not sullen, but a tension none of them can ease has been sitting on her shoulders for a few weeks now.  There’s nothing obvious that brought it on, but it’s heavy enough that even Legend will have worry flashing across his face whenever Wild pulls away from their group with no indication as to why.

“She’ll say something when she’s ready to,” he hears Twilight murmur to Time.  They’ve got some mentor/mentee plan going on to get Wild out of her mood.  Successful, he supposes; she’s been dropping off into frowns whenever left alone in her thoughts for too long, but right now she’s almost definitely brightened up enough to pull a prank.

Still, he can’t help but scoot over to insert himself into the conversation.  “It’s not anything dangerous, right?”  He trusts that she would tell them if it were; Wild is the least team friendly player in their group, but she’s got enough sense in her to know what’s necessary.

Twilight shakes his head.  “Confirmed it wasn’t.”  Here he hesitates, and his words come out slow, deliberate.  “I’m not sure if it’s… one of her memories?  I don’t remember there being one before she started acting weird, but it might’ve come as a dream.”

Warriors purses his lips, thinking.  It could be.  He’s certainly entertained the thought before.  Wild doesn’t fall into a memory too often, but they’re hard to hide, so everyone became aware of her amnesia and subsequent flashbacks sooner than later.  Almost always she’ll draw into herself a bit, hidden away in a large cloak until the world stopped being too loud and bright for her, and even then Wild would still be withdrawn until something coaxed her out of her shell.

It doesn’t feel like it, though.

He takes another look at Twilight’s face.  It says it all.  “You don’t think that’s it.”

The rancher really is a farm boy through and through, honest as the day is long.  “I overheard her talking to herself earlier, but I’m not sure what I heard and it’s not my place to say anyway.”

A sigh, and Time hauls himself up to his feet.  “Then we wait,” he says decisively.  They watch him amble over and strike a conversation with Four about the forest they’ve landed in.  Twilight goes back to sharpening his sword.

Warriors’s mind is still stuck on Wild, though, and he’d bet a bag of rupees so is Twilight’s.

He prides himself on being a good commander.  Quick to judge a situation and quick to notice if anything is wrong, able to lead squadrons of forces with only minutes to prepare.  Often, his command was too numerous for him to know everyone, but he did his best to be there for anyone who needed it.  Perhaps it’s foolish of him—too many faces, half-familiar from life, unmistakable in death haunt him to this day—but he refuses to give up caring.  It hurts, but to hurt is to be alive, and he carries his ghosts with him even as he locks eyes with a new trainee.

Here, their motley group is a lot smaller than the armies he used to command.  He’s never been an older brother before, but he finds himself falling into it naturally.  It’s easy to tug on the back of Hyrule’s tunic to keep him from wandering off, normal to nudge Four and encourage him to keep talking about smithing, effortless to pull Wind into a friendly scuffle.  With Wild, he finds himself looking after her like it’s instinct.

Maybe it’s because she’s still young at heart.  The scars riddling her face and body age her up years, but there’s something heartwrenchingly childlike about the way she’ll wander off from the group to catch a bug or pick a plant, not understanding why they’ll scold her to stick with them.  She’ll often show her finds off, grinning like there aren’t a million twigs in her hair and mud on her face.

It’s painful to see someone like that pull away without any indication as to why.

He sighs, leaning back on his palms to look at the evening sky.  The brightest stars are beginning to shine, flickering around the rising moon.  The smell of sweetly roasted vegetables wash over him.  Quick headcount: Sky and Wind sparring; Twilight sitting nearby; Legend checking their perimeter, Hyrule with him; Four and Time talking about where to go; Wild at the campfire, standing up and stretching.

“Dinner’s ready!” she announces, loud enough that Legend and Hyrule should hear.  Without waiting, she begins pulling out plates from her slate and spooning out portions.  Warriors watches her closely enough that he sees the glob of something purple being hidden under some greens.

Definitely purple chu jelly from Twilight.

It travels down the line, Warriors hesitating before handing it off to Time, who’s last.  It’s all in good fun though, and Wild’s figured out (after much trial-and-error) how to make sure the jelly doesn’t kill anyone, so he keeps quiet, only checking his own plate to make sure he’s not going to be a victim as well.  Wild catches his eye and winks.  Twilight, across the campfire, has a little feral edge to his grin.

Warriors watches with bated breath as Time takes a scoop of his food.  It’s riveting, seeing his expression go from pleased and content to I-will-kill-whoever-did-this.  Reminds him of the little pissed off kid he knew before meeting him again as an adult.

Time raises his head to glare balefully at Wild.  “Why did you do this.”  It falls flat of being a question.

“Do what?” Wild asks back, eyes wide and confused.  “I thought you liked carrots?”

Wind giggles into his own meal, shoveling another bite into his mouth when that earns him an unamused look.  “I didn’ do nothin’!” he protests before Time even starts saying the accusation.  “Yer face wa’ funny.”

“Don’t talk while chewing,” Sky reminds him.  “Time, what’s wrong with it?  Mine tastes fine?”

Without speaking, Time takes another scoop and presents the purple chuchu glob.  The camp falls into hysterics, speaking all at once.

“Some weird seasoning you’ve got there, Old Man.”

“Are you going to need a potion?”

“Where did someone even get their hands on that?”

Warriors sits back, letting the rambunctious laughter and chatter surround him.  Wind denies it some more, pointing to Hyrule, who was apparently looking at Time’s dinner too intently.  Hyrule denies it right back, pushing the blame to someone else too.  There’s shouts of protest as accusations go flying.  He tunes it out, just smiling to himself.  A small prank, but a big reception.  It’s nice to see spirits so high, especially Wild’s.

He’s too busy feeling reassured at Wild’s bright, impish grin that he nearly misses the accusation thrown at him.

“—paused before giving it to Time, too.”  Legend says this nonchalantly, but one’d have to be blind to miss the smirk he shoots Warriors as he says it.  “Seems suspicious to me.”

Twilight makes a faux thoughtful noise, failing to hide his laughter as Warriors whips his head around to stare in betrayal.  “He was rummaging through our bags earlier, could’ve taken it from mine or Wild’s packs then.”

Warriors splutters, “I was taking inventory!  You know, the thing I do every other night?”

There’s a little gasp from Four, too theatrical to be natural.  “He was staring at Time when we started eating too…”

Betrayal!  Ganged up on by the miserable lot he dared call his brothers!

Clearly they’ve figured out it wasn’t him.  Wild’s just about collapsed with laughter at the sight of his panicked face, but it’s obvious no one wants to spoil her fun.  Time gives him the sternest, most I-am-your-father-listen-to-me face he can muster and says, “What do you have to say for yourself, Warriors?  Why would you put purple chu jelly in this delightful meal Wild worked hard on?”

Warriors is speechless.  Wild titters, looks up to see Time raising an eyebrow at Warriors, and breaks back out into gleeful wheezing.  Wind and Legend don’t seem to be far off, delighted at his misfortune.  

Golden goddesses, the things he does for family.  “You’ve done it,” he says, strangled, “you’ve caught me in my dastardly tricks.  Oh woe is me, what punishment will I be given?”  Sky is the next to break, hiding his laughter behind a hand.

Time, the little snot, looks at him with thin, disappointed lips and mirth dancing in his eyes.  “This,” he intones gravely.  The purple chu jelly jumps from his spoon and smacks into Warriors’s face.

Even Twilight is losing it now.

“ARGH!” he squawks, not expecting Time to actually go through with it.  It’s to the others’ cackling that he slumps to the ground, groaning at the sticky feeling on his cheek.  He can deal with a little grossness (no matter what Legend says), but it’s not a nice feeling when he could be clean and not sticky.  

Someone hands him a clean cloth.  Hyrule, bless his heart.  It’s one of Twilight’s cloths, so he feels no guilt in scrubbing off the jelly and throwing it at the traitor himself.  Twilight takes the assault with a grin, the infectious mood lingering even as the laughter calms down.

“Here.”  A scarred hand dips into view, and Wild refills Warriors’s bowl with some fried greens fresh from the pot.  Steam rises up lazily.  She smiles at him through it, cheerful and alive like she hasn’t been for the past week, and he instantly forgives her for pulling him into her prank.

He takes a bite and sighs.  Fresh, still sweet yet crispy from quickly frying it.  “Delicious as ever,” he compliments, trying to force some grudge into his tone.  Wild sees right through him and beams wider.  “Oh, shove off.”  He wipes a hand, still a little sticky with goo, across her nose, grinning himself when she shrieks a little in delight.

“Be careful, mister, or else the goo’s going in your meal next!” she teases before scampering off to her own meal.

It’s sometime after dinner that Time approaches him.  “Thank you for playing along.”

Across the clearing, Wild’s wide grin has dropped to a faint upturn of her lips.  She’s scuffling with Wind and the large wolf that follows their group every now and then, trying to claim a sleeping spot.  She’s happy, and after the past week of halfhearted interaction, it feels like everything.

“Ah, it’s nothing.”

-

The sun’s rays are beginning to skim past the treetops when Wild wakes up.  Legend notices immediately; there isn’t anything hostile in the area, so he’s been sitting closer to camp for the past hour now.  He doesn’t say anything when she sneaks out—at least, not at first.  When she doesn’t return after 10 minutes, 20, he shakes Twilight awake to keep watch before following.

She hasn’t gone far, just within hearing range if someone shouts.  Legend stands at the treeline, watching her pull and put back different earrings from that slate of hers.  Studs, hoops, drops, different fashions he can’t name, all reflective of masterful craftsmanship.  They gleam in the early morning light as she holds each pair up for examination.

“You can choose today’s accessories from the camp, you know,” he calls out.  Wild, to her credit, doesn’t react other than her shoulders raising a few centimeters.  “Pretty sure Wind won’t try stealing them.”

That earns a short laugh.  “He wouldn’t dare unless he wants his breakfast burned.  Besides, I’m just… trying to decide how I feel today.  Hard to do that around that noisy lot.”

Legend stops in his tracks.  Normally he’d like to tease, but there’s something brittle about her voice.  “Want me to leave then?” he offers.  He may be a prick, but he’s not about to inflict his presence on someone who needs some time alone.

Finally, Wild turns to look at him.  “No, stay,” she says, and even she looks surprised at how firmly she says it.  She pats the stone next to her.  “C’mon, sit with me for a while.”

It’s nice and quiet in the spot Wild’s chosen.  He sits with his back to her, not wanting to crowd.  Faintly, the tittering of birds sweeten the air, and if he closes his eyes and focuses he can smell the rich petrichor lingering from yesterday’s early evening rain.  Wild goes back to picking out earrings, the faint chime of her slate’s magic rhythmic in its repetition.

It’s like this often, Legend finds.  They’re both pretty silent people on their own, and perhaps not as close as they are with some of the others.  Sure, they jibe and bicker, but to avoid too much tension they end up not seeking each other out.  Legend isn’t even sure if he wants to be close to Wild anyway; she’s almost guaranteed to die violently young and violently so, given her track record of scars and reckless combat techniques.

Still, his treacherous heart cares, and he heaves a sigh as he thinks of her recent melancholy.  A conversation wouldn’t hurt, right?

“You’ve been wearing a lot of stud earrings lately,” he says.  He doesn’t turn to look, but the chiming stops.  “Maybe one of those dangling ones?  The amber gems give a nice glow to you.”

Quietly, so faint he almost misses it, Wild replies back, “...Maybe.”  He risks a glance to guess her expression; she’s staring distantly at her hands, eyes locked on a struggle Legend can’t see.  “Change things up a little, right?”

He raises an eyebrow, though she doesn’t see it.  “You don’t have to go with my suggestion,” he points out.  “If you want to wear studs, wear studs.  They get tangled up less in the twigs and branches you insist on jumping headfirst into, at any rate.”  

“And if I don’t want to wear any at all?”

What an odd question.  Legend fully turns around to squint at her.  “Then don’t?  What, am I missing some watchmen that will arrest you if you don’t put some metal in your ears?”

Wild huffs a laugh at that, but it’s half hearted.  “No, I don’t think so.  Don’t mind me, I’m just overthinking things.”

“Overthinking… types of earrings?”  He doesn’t mean to sound so doubtful, but Wild is both a ridiculous fashionista and someone who could not care less for her appearance.  She’s got a multitude of outfits, sure, but she’s never exactly cared if they matched or how she looked as a result (leading to a very distressing time where she sprinted through Twilight’s Castletown wearing her Barbarian shorts, clunky torso armor that glowed, and an odd mask that looked like a fish was eating her head.  He’s pretty sure they’re banned from the inn for life).

She shakes her head.  “No, forget it, it’s… related, but it’s not—”  This time, her head shake is harsher, more aggressive.  “It’s got some meaning for me,” she reveals reluctantly under Legend’s interrogating stare.  “What type of earrings I wear, I mean.”

He considers this, lining it up with the past week.  He almost wants to ask “why would you ever wear earrings that make you feel horrible?”, but obviously that isn’t an option.  Choosing wearing a specific type probably isn’t an option she has, either.  Something dictates the type she wears regardless of how she feels, but how could a type of earrings make one feel bad…?

Hylia, this is giving Legend a headache.

“Are the earrings hurting you?” he settles on asking.  There’s no way he’s getting the full story out of her anytime soon, but the important answers need to be established first.

“Wh—?  No, they’re fine.”

“Do they upset you?  Is that why you’ve been weird this past week?”

“... it’s not the earrings, not really.  Kind of?  It’s complicated.”

“Uncomplicate it, then.”

He gets a jab to the side for that.  “I don’t know how to,” she admits, bitterness sharpening her tongue.  “I’m working on it, okay?  I’m… I’ll be fine, just give me some time to figure it out.”

Legend jabs her right back, tickling her sides for good measure and ignoring her squeak.  “Well, figure it out faster,” he says drolly.  “Whatever it is you’ve got going in your head can’t be that bad, considering it’s mostly empty in the first place.”

Now that earns him a tackle right off the rock, and they tussle around like children for a few minutes before wordlessly agreeing to stop, flopping onto the grass to stare at the brightening sky.  Neither of them are breathing very hard, but Legend thinks he can hear Wild’s become lighter, less burdened.  He bites his tongue to focus his thoughts.  

“Just wear whatever you feel like wearing, you menace.  If it’s not the earrings making you feel bad, then deal with whatever is making you act like a kicked puppy.”  He kicks out blindly and catches her ankle.  “If it’s one of us, or something we’re doing, or, I don’t know, maybe you’re just allergic to the grass here, tell us.  If it’s something from your past, then however you deal with it is up to you, but between the nine of us we’ve got all sorts of trauma covered, it’ll be easy to commiserate with someone.”

He rolls over to speak and finds her already looking at him.  “Uncomplicate it.  Whatever it is, either you’ll get past this or you won’t, but things will only get worse if you let it stagnate.”

Wild breaks eye contact first, sitting up but gaze fixed low.  At this angle, he can’t see her face.  “Get it over with, basically.  I guess that’s good advice.”

The sky looks bright enough that the others are probably awake by now.  “Of course it is,” he says.  She’s not going to take it, at least not right now, he can tell.  “Decide on the earrings yet?”

Clacks of fingernail against glass.  The now-familiar chime of the Sheikah slate.  “Studs again today.”

“Amber?”

“Amber, yeah.  You made a good point.”

“I always make good points.”

A snort, and they fall back into silence.  It feels like a moment in eternity before Wild speaks up again.  “We should make it back to camp.”  She sounds almost regretful, and Legend feels it too.  The area is warm and peaceful, and it feels like a crime to have to spend the entire day trekking their way through an adventure no one signed up for.  

Neither of them move.  He closes his eyes, feeling the morning sun warm his skin.

“Legend?”

It takes a moment to respond, the siren call of sleep beginning to pull at his senses.  “Hm?”

“Thank you.”

He hums, not resisting the lull of the little bubble they’re in.  “No problem.”