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Subtitles: Episode 6, All-New Halloween Spooktacular!

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Summary: Halloween is afoot in Westview and it’s a must to partake in the festivities. Unfortunately, things are a little rocky in the Maximoff house with Wanda’s brother Pietro visiting, [Y/N] moving in, and Vision and Wanda’s rough patch continuing. Can Halloween relieve some tension at home or will things continue to crumble?

Word count: 7,760

Warnings: None! Just maybe a possibly poorly made Rocky Horror Picture Show reference because I’ve never actually seen it, lol. Also a slight change in format because I just realized now that Tumblr wasn’t taking my page breaks between scenes; sorry for that in previous episodes.

Taglist: @madamevirgo @ravennight41 @multifandomgirl16 @cyanide-mustard @badasspolygenderfriend @austynparksandpizza @sophster1881 @haileyybird @maceidelic @alexpress @angelvinella

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~~~

Living in Westview after having your memories partially restored was a very strange experience and you quickly realized why Vision would “turn people back off” after jogging their memories; things just didn’t quite make sense when you had the combined knowledge of the outside world and the bubbled Westview and it was almost more confusing and uncomfortable to experience it this way. For example, you couldn’t be sure whether it had been days or weeks since you’d regained your memories and Wanda and Vision had decided to have you move in with them, or why all of Westview had changed from an 80s aesthetic to a 90s one. What was especially weird was how people would randomly stop and talk into space as if they were talking to a camera in a TV show, but there was nothing to see when you looked in that direction. With your memories not fully intact even now, it hadn’t done much to help your and Vision’s investigation into what was going on in Westview or outside of it either—before whatever Wanda had done to Westview, you were a bit of a recluse and had suffered dementia in the past, so what memories had been returned was mostly irrelevant—and Wanda, who was still perfectly happy with living in almost ignorant bliss, wasn’t much help. The two of you continued seeking out the strange and trying to put pieces together but it was becoming increasingly difficult and the chaos of making space for you, Wanda’s brother returning, and now Halloween wasn’t helping.

There was also the desire to ignore it all and go back to playing house. Like now, as you were heading back into the house from the backyard—you had been finishing up repairs on Vision’s failed attempt at building the kids a treehouse—when you heard Tommy and Billy chatting. Their voices faded in further as you opened the back door.

“Wrong!” Tommy was saying into space. When you looked, there was still no person, no camera like in a sitcom. “Halloween’s about candy. And scaring people, but mostly candy.”

“Where’s your costume, Tommy?” Billy asked his brother. As you stepped inside, he looked over Tommy’s head at you and smiled.

“This is my costume. I’m the cool twin.”

You put your hands on your hips and made an exaggerated surprised face in Billy’s direction, pretending as if this was the first time you’ve ever heard Tommy tease his brother. Billy’s smile widened slightly before he looked away, acting like you weren’t there except for a glance or two. Tommy didn’t seem to notice your presence quite yet.

“What does that make me?” Billy said.

Tommy hummed and cocked his head to one side; you could almost picture the flashback going on in his head before he looked back at Billy and replied matter-of-factly, “A dorkasaurus rex.”

“Not a real dinosaur,” Billy said with a scowl, then went back to his task of scooping his and Tommy’s lunch into bowls.

“And mean,” you piped up.

Tommy squealed and jumped away from where you were standing behind him. He spun around and almost flung himself into the kitchen counter but jerked away just quickly enough. Then he stumbled back in the opposite direction, resulting in running into your legs. Or, he would have, if you hadn’t caught him by the shoulders and stopped his floundering. He looked up and you with wide eyes.

“Oh, hey, [Y/N],” he said casually, trying to cover up his embarrassment with coolness.

“Heya, kiddo,” you chirped back with a smile. You ran a hand over his hair and leaned down to give him a peck on the forehead. He responded with a grossed-out face and a “Blech!” so you decided to mess up his hair by ruffling it. You grinned as he flailed his way to freedom, then pointed and said, “Don’t be a little shit to your brother.”

Tommy grinned, most likely because of your use of a curse word, and attempted to flatten his hair back in place.

“[Papa/Mama/Nopa]!” Billy, who was much less like his uncle and much more like his parents than Tommy, was perfectly fine with getting a kiss on the cheek after trotting over and throwing himself into your waiting arms, despite still making a face when you did so. He laughed when you hauled him into your arms and cradled him like a baby, something you didn’t get to do nearly enough before they’d aged themselves up, and happily kicked his legs.

Tommy rushed over to be included and you adjusted to holding Billy around the stomach with one arm and picked his brother up with your other. Holding them both with their backs against your chest now, you spun around a few times and the boys laughed and kicked their feet out. You were careful to swing them high enough off the ground that they wouldn’t hit anything and hollered, “My boysss!”

Then a snore came from the living room, reminding you that there was still someone in the house that didn’t wake up at a reasonable hour. You made a cringing face at the twins as you stopped and they covered their giggling mouths while you put them down. They scrambled back over to the kitchen counter to finish getting their food while you paused and looked over at the couch with hands on your hips. “He sure knows how to sleep, huh?”

Pietro Maximoff had shown up on Wanda and Vision’s doorstep the same night you’d regained your powers, the same night that they’d asked you to move in. As soon as you’d seen him in the doorway from your blanket nest on the couch, something about him was off. You were aware that you weren’t supposed to know him yet by Westview rules, so it wasn’t all that strange that he didn’t recognize you from Sokovia—or maybe you just hadn’t been as memorable to him as you had to his sister, which would make sense since he wasn’t the one you were kissing and sleeping in the same bed as—but what mainly bothered you was that the face in front of you and the face in your memories didn’t match… at all. Westview’s Pietro was a completely different person than the one you remembered from a HYDRA testing base, you had been sure of it, although now that you’d lived with the man for however long it’s been, this new face was becoming interchangeable with the old one in your mind. Not only was the confusion about his appearance weird but there was something about his energy that was just wrong; when he’d introduced himself to you that night, you’d seen and felt yellow, burnt at the edges by a soul-sucking black, radiating from him.

All this to note and nothing to come of it so far. Pietro was a bit of a troublemaking deadbeat, albeit a good-natured guy, who slept on the couch and didn’t wake up until anywhere from noon to four in the afternoon. He got along well with the twins, especially Tommy, and other than seeming disgruntled about him taking up space, Vision didn’t seem too bothered by his presence. Wanda didn’t seem threatened or bothered by Pietro being around at all either, except for worrying about him causing trouble; she hadn’t reacted any type of way to him showing up on her doorstep that night at all, other than inviting him inside, which was the only reason you were able to relax around him for the time being.

Tommy and Billy walked past you with bowls in their hands. You gave them each a pat on the head as they went and only stopped Billy to complement the Halloween costume that he wore. He smiled and asked what you were wearing and you were surprised to realize that you hadn’t yet come up with one. You told him to keep a suggestion in mind and sent him after his brother, who was looking on at the snoring mess of a couch-Pietro in admiration.

“Man,” the longer-haired boy said, “he even snores cool.”

You made a face. You weren’t so sure about that.

“I’m gonna wake him up.”

“Don’t!” Billy startled, holding his twin back with a hand on his chest.

Tommy grinned. “You scared?”

“He’s our uncle. Why would I be scared?”

“‘Cause it’s four o’clock in the afternoon and you’re secretly afraid he’s a vampire.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Yes, you are.”

You looked on at the bickering boys with mild amusement while you got yourself a fruit from the kitchen until movement from the couch drew your attention. Pietro, who was awake now, was slowly shifting around and getting into a sitting position. When he was where he could see you, he gave you a smirk that spelled out nothing but trouble, then winked. You rolled your eyes but stayed quiet.

In less than a minute, Pietro went from tangled in his blanket on the couch to standing in front of Tommy and Billy, yelling something about blood. The boys unsurprisingly screamed, and then the three of them were running around the living room in Halloween-fueled chaos.

You stood at the kitchen counter, cutting your fruit of choice into slices and unreactive other than a little smile toying at your lips.

“Oh,” came a mildly irritated voice as Wanda descended the stairs from the house’s second floor, “somebody better be bleeding, broken, or on fire.”

You attempted to catch a glimpse of her from your place in the kitchen but all you could see was a flash of a red cape. You grinned and hurried to finish slicing and clean up so you could join the others in the living room.

“Whoa, Mom,” Billy said, “Are you old Red Riding Hood?”

There was a moment of silence and you could easily picture the surprised look on your partner’s face before she responded, “No, I am not old Red Riding Hood. [Y/N]’s mother made my costume. Said something about a goddess…?”

Just as you were coming around the corner with your bowl, Wanda trailed off and leaned in your direction for confirmation. You had to force yourself not to stare at the simple but delicious costume she wore, the form-fitting red unitard and pink leggings, for the sake of the other company in the room. Instead, you walked over and slipped an arm around her hips underneath the cape and gave her a nod. “Aphrodite, specifically. She was so excited to hear about my girlfriend that she just couldn’t help herself. Gorgeous and powerful costume for a gorgeous and powerful woman, yeah?” You paused to give Wanda’s shoulder a smooch and waggle your brows at her, much to the twins’ and Pietro’s grossed-out dismay, before you adjusted Wanda’s headpiece and continued, “This rendition of Aphrodite, I think, is actually from a drawing I did of her as a kid, because yes, I was never not a nerd. Mom was so focused on you that she practically forgot about me.”

You knew that for the most part, the story wasn’t true. You knew that beyond the barrier of Westview, your mother was in so state to do such work, nor could she remember you if she wanted to, but something was unnaturally comforting about putting that aside for the time being.

“Wow,” Pietro started, his tone unimpressed, “That is so…”

“Rad!” Tommy exclaimed with a grin.

“…lame.”

“Lame.”

Wanda huffed a bit.

“If it means anything,” you said, pecking Wanda’s cheek, “I think it’s quite well-made.”

Hidden from view behind her cape, you gave her hip a light pinch. That earned you a light slap on the wrist and a look that was equal parts warning and teasing.

Pietro made a gagging noise. “I think it’s worse than the costumes Mom made us the year we got typhus.”

You quirked a brow in Wanda’s direction but as Tommy had done earlier, she tilted her head and stared off into nowhere as she presumably thought back on the subject. Then she squinted and shook her head as she said, “That’s not exactly how I remember it.”

Pietro nodded in understanding. “You probably suppressed a lot of the trauma.”

Well, that was entirely out of left field. You tucked that away in the growing mental file titled “Why New Pietro is Weird.”

Tommy, Billy, and Pietro then broke off into their own conversation. Tommy and Billy went to sit on the couch and eat their food and Pietro went to go get something of his own, while you and Wanda moved out of the way of the stairs.

You took a slice of fruit and popped it into your mouth, then offered her one. She took off one of her long, red gloves and happily took it.

“You do look just… very attractive in that costume of yours,” you said in a low voice after you finished your fruit.

“Is that so?” Wanda gave you another flirty look and casually shimmied her bare shoulders at you and scooting a bit closer. “I can’t wait to see what both of my partners have in store for me.”

You winced slightly but tried to cover it up with a questioning look and a tease. “Was that—? Is that—? Is this flirting, Mrs. Maximoff?”

You couldn’t get anything past her.

“What was that look?” she said, then gasped. “No. [Y/N] [L/N], fashionista, lover of all things bright and colorful and weird, doesn’t have a Halloween costume?”

You glance away, embarrassed. “I’ve just been so busy with moving and getting my house on the market, and it’s been hectic here at home… I forgot! Oh, speaking of which—” You raised your voice a bit. “Billy, costume suggestion?”

“A wizard!” Billy chirped from his place on the couch where he and Tommy were now setting up a video game.

“A ninja!” Tommy suggested.

“A spy!” Pietro hollered as he walked back out of the kitchen with a bowl in hand, which he should in your direction. “By the way, sibling-in-law, mind super-sizing this?”

You scowled at him. “I very much do mind and that’s not at all how my power works, thanks.”

Tommy paused what he was doing on the couch and mumbled, “That would have been such a good idea…”

You rolled your eyes and turned back to Wanda with raised hands and a curious look as the boys settled in to their own world again. “Thoughts? Three ideas, right there.”

Wanda hummed thoughtfully and slowly looked you over. The way her eyes traveled down your body made you shiver.

“Or,” you said quieter, setting down your now-empty bowl on the table behind you and slinked your arms around Wanda’s waist, “I could just be a devotee that is very invested in their work with their goddess, who does their absolute best to follow Aphrodite’s wishes…” You paused and waggled your head a bit as you thought. “Or, you know, a scientist or something.”

Wanda hummed and her hands absentmindedly explored your chest. Before you could focus too much on the way heat followed the path of her fingers, she suddenly perked up and pulled them away to clap once and then waggle her pointer fingers at you. “I know!”

“Oh?” Even as you said it, you felt Wanda’s magic take effect on your current casual work outfit. While the magic wasn’t affecting your body at all, you could feel the tickling of magic and fabric twisting and brushing against your skin.

As you watched, your outdoor clothes transformed into a costume. The sleeves of the simple and somewhat dirtied T-shirt you wore twisted down the length of your arms until they ended at cuffs that were adjustable via silver buttons. The color of the shirt darkened and changed and became red and honey yellow plaid, and a line of usable silver buttons erupted down the center of the shirt’s front; the collar of the shirt flared and stretched into a folded collar of a button-up dress shirt. Not only did your shirt change but another layer appeared on top of it, this being a suede black and white dappled vest whose pattern looked like it was trying to mimic a cow while also trying to avoid infringing on said cow’s copyright. You felt a light pressure around your throat, then something bump against the base of your neck, and upon further investigation, you found a red handkerchief tied around your neck and a dark russet cowboy hat hanging from a leather tie. Your long shorts lengthened and changed color and material into denim jeans, accompanied by a thick leather belt with a large buckle, conveniently accented with a swirling design that involved a W and a V, and two gun holsters that were occupied by plastic versions of the weapon. Finally, on your feet appeared brown cowboy boots with golden spurs to match a golden, comically fake sheriff’s star pinned to your chest.

A couple of thoughts popped into your head as you examined your outfit. First, you couldn’t help but make the connection between the specific shades of red and yellow used on your outfit and the same shades that your partners’ powers took on, plus the WV brand attached to your waist; it was enough to make you snicker. The other thought was how familiar the costume looked, despite mild design changes.

“Am I a knockoff Woody from Toy Story?”

Wanda blinked. “Not… my intention but we did take the boys to see it a couple of weeks ago, so.” She shrugged, then brightened again. “What do you think, Sheriff?”

You leaned back on your heels and rested your hands on your belt—then snorted at how you easily fit into standing like someone out of an old Western movie. Narrowing your eyes at her you said, “Why?”

“It’s fun,” Wanda stated simply, then added, “and colorful. And…” She stepped closer and toyed with the hem of your vest. With a lowered voice, “… I like the cowboy look.”

You forced the smirk pulling at your lips to keep at bay, instead squinting at Wanda and waving your hands around generally. “Is this— Is this your thing? Is Halloween what does it for you?”

Wanda turned her head away as she laughed out loud, which may have brought attention to the two of you if Tommy, Billy, and Pietro weren’t too busy hollering over their game.

“I’m just curious,” you carried on. “It’s fine, I just need to know! For future consideration. Depending on what the preference is, I might just have to put on a little Rocky Horror Picture Show— which isn’t exactly Halloween but you know what I mean.”

Wanda continued to snicker and lightly swatted your chest. Her gaze drifted to look past your shoulder and almost at the same time, you picked up the sound of footsteps making their way downstairs; the last member of your household was finally arriving.

“Now what is going on here?” Vision’s chipper British voice was music to your ears as he made it to the ground floor.

You and Wanda shifted your attention to him—and you immediately started laughing. Vision’s green bodysuit paired with a golden cape and wrestling shorts, and the lopsided paper gem stuck to his forehead to cover his real one, was just too much.

“What?” Vision said, sounding offended, as you had to lean against the table behind you while continuing to cackle. While you looked at him through teary eyes, he put on his best fighting face and threw up his fists to make a few boxing motions. “You think it’s smart to laugh at a world-famous wrestler? I’ll show you!”

You continued to snicker but forced yourself to settle. Wiping your eyes, you quipped back, “We’ll fight and then I’ll use my lasso to tie you up, seems fair to me.”

That made Vision, who was still taking a little time to get used to your boldness, freeze.

One of your favorite things about Vision’s awakening, as you liked to call it, was the gradual change in personality that had come with it. Regaining your past and your abilities also brought a great bout of self-confidence. You couldn’t be sure whether this had been your personality pre-Westview or simply a product of finally putting together a lot of the foggy pieces you’d once been missing but either way, you certainly weren’t complaining. You were still awkward and sometimes just a look from either of your partners could make you turn the color of a strawberry but at least you could manage a tease or flirt without immediately cringing in on yourself, and you certainly weren’t afraid to initiate a smooch.

“Behave,” Wanda scoffed in your direction. She gave Vision a comforting pat on the shoulder, which seemed to set him back on track.

“You started it,” you said with a grin, then stepped closer to try to straighten the fake diamond to no avail. “So. Wrestler?”

“Cowboy?” Vision questioned.

“Sheriff, thank you very much.” You tapped on the badge to make a point.

“My apologies.” Vision said in a teasing tone.

“My wrestler and my cowboy,” Wanda said with a pleased smile.

You squinted at her again. “Seriously. Wrestlers too? I’m fascinated.”

Wanda slapped your shoulder.

Three of you must have caused enough ruckus to break up the house’s other trio because then Pietro appeared at your sides.

“Woah!” the silver-haired man said, “Sweet costume, bro-ham-in-law.”

Your nose scrunched up in a mild cringe. Ew, hated that.

“Let me guess,” Pietro went on, “uh, traffic light.”

Vision sighed. You snorted.

“Half-shucked corn?”

Also a good one.

“A booger!”

And back to ew.

Vision rolled his eyes and gave a begrudging “Yes.”

Pietro fist-pumped the air and danced away in victory.

“By the way,” Wanda said, “thank you for humoring me and wearing this ridiculous get-up, honey.”

“Well, there were no other clothes in my closet, so…” Vision trailed off with a suddenly somber expression, only to break into a teasing smile a moment later. “You are incorrigible, darling. I know you have a secret thing for wrestlers.”

You cackled again as he and Wanda got closer and continued to coo at each other in a way that you found equal parts cute and disgusting. You moved away from them to collect yourself, only to catch their attention.

“Oh, don’t worry,” Wanda said teasingly, “you’ll get your pony-talk too!”

“Please,” you begged with a shaking head and shaking hands, “dear god, no.”

Then Vision waggled his brows at you, hit you with a bad Southern-British combo accent and a pointed “howdy” and you screamed before breaking into laughter yet again.

Vision laughed with you before turning his attention to the boys, while Wanda walked over with a grin and to help you off the ground.

“What do you say, boys?” Vision hollered. “Who’s ready for that first hit of high fructose corn syrup?”

The kids and Pietro kept hollering over their video game.

“I hated every second of that,” you said to Wanda as she helped you to your feet.

Wanda gave you a playful pout, then her smile returned as she straightened the handkerchief tied around your neck. When she was satisfied, she moved the hat from behind your back and onto your head. “You chose this.”

“Mm.” You hummed and nodded while fixing your vest. “I did in fact do that. Lucky me, two for one nerd deal.”

“So, about that Rocky Horror idea…”

You stared at her, bewildered. “What has this day done to you?”

Vision’s attention slowly refocused on you and Wanda as he was getting nowhere with Billy and Tommy, though his eyes still lingered on them and their uncle. “Wanda.”

“Yes, dear?” Wanda chirped, turning her smile to her husband.

“Never told me much about your brother,” Vision said with eyes still trained on the three. “I had no idea he’d be so…” He trailed off as the two boys and one man-child started shotgunning sodas; Vision made a face and gave a thumbs-up as he continued sarcastically, “…great with kids.”

“Yeah,” Wanda replied in a tone that shared his exasperations, “He’s just… full of surprises.”

At this point, you were watching the trio as well. After a pause, you piped up, “I don’t know what you guys are talking about. I think he’s a wonderful role model. Such manners.”

You received the gaze of two pairs of narrowed eyes. You gave them a cheerful smile and quirk of your eyebrows in return.

Vision rolled his eyes and began making his way to the door. “Well, you have fun tonight, darling. [Y/N], will you be joining me later?”

“That’s the plan, beanstalk,” you said. You pinched and tugged the stretchy fabric of his bodysuit and let it snap back into place, earning you a glinting glare.

Then Wanda was following after him, confusion wiping the happy expression off her face. “What? What do you mean? You’re all dressed up and ready to go, where the two of you going?”

Vision stopped faux-boxing your hands away as you continued to try to pick at his outfit to wave his arms around his head. “I’m undercover! Halloween is bacchanal for adolescent trouble-makers and the neighborhood watch is the only thing that stands between the trees and the toilet paper.”

“No,” Wanda said and her eyes blinked rapidly in the way that they did when she was trying to comprehend something that didn’t seem right, “that’s not what you’re supposed to—”

“What?” Vision interrupted in a stern voice, with a pointed look.

“Well…” Wanda crossed her arms over her chest and sighed. Her bewildered eyes darted in your direction just briefly before she turned a scowl on Vision. Lowering her voice a bit, she said, “You didn’t tell me you had plans.”

Vision’s hands rested steadily on his hips and his eyes pointed dull daggers back at her own; it was a stand-off. “Well, I am telling you now.”

I should probably step in, you thought.

“It’s their first Halloween. You have to be there.” Wanda’s gaze turned on you, as did Vision’s in the same moment. “And you too?”

Oh boy.

Your eyes bounced between your one partner’s gaze and then the other’s before it settled between them, where you could see Billy, Tommy, and Pietro’s gaming session had slowed. Billy was talking into a nonexistent camera and you could pick out enough words that what he was talking about were his mom and dad. Pietro was glancing around like he was supposed to be doing something and he even began to stand and make his way over—before you hit him with a warning glare and mouthed “no” that had him glued back to his couch seat.

“Not to throw shade at Vision,” you offered, stepping closer and directing Wanda and Vision a few steps farther away from the rest of the household, “which I’m not doing, FYI, but I will be around for most of the festivities. A surrogate Vision, if you will.”

Both of their gazes softened a bit and Wanda opened her mouth to start her tri-parent inclusive spiel but you smiled and waved both her and Vision off.

“I know already, I know, I was just teasing. Wanda, my love,” you continued and turned your attention to her as you moved your hand from her shoulder to her own, “Vision is a neighborhood watch member and I do believe that all the dads of the cul-de-sac are taking part in… watching over the neighborhood during Halloween. You know how kids—and crazy uncles—can be. And I’m just trying to offer my help because let’s face it, I still haven’t exactly made the best of impressions like you two have managed to.”

Wanda tilted her head from side to side, no doubt remembering your interactions with Dottie that she was present for or perhaps your horror stories of previous attempts at impressing the watch, before giving a resigned nod.

“So, I’ll be here, Pietro will be here, Vision will be around and just doing his job, and everything is going to be fine and fun and… the bomb— Ew, did not like that, and if I ever say it again, please send me to the gallows or whatever cowboys punish people with.”

“Guns, usually,” Vision mumbled.

You snickered. “Well, mine are plastic, so my bad, but anyway—”

Wanda huffed a bit gave you a dismissive wave before you could ramble further. “Fine, fine. But you have to promise that we’ll at least spend the night together afterward.”

That last part was directed at Vision, who responded with a nod. Then he cupped a yellow gloved hand around the back of her neck and leaned down to kiss her forehead. “Of course, I promise, darling.”

Wanda, still upset, reacted very little but she didn’t stop him.

Vision straightened up and directed his attention to Tommy and Billy, who were back to loudly playing their game. Making an ominous gesture with his arms as he backed towards the door, he said to them, “You have a spoo-OO-ooky time tonight, kids.”

“Goodnight, Dad!” Billy hollered, with Tommy saying “Bye, Dad” at the same moment. Neither boy looked away from their TV screen.

“Wanda,” Vision said softly to her, “be good.”

As he passed you, he leaned down to give you a peck as well, but you caught him by the cape and kissed his jaw first. As you pulled back, you grumbled, “Be back, Vis.”

His gaze quickly trailed across your face before he gave you a nod and a kiss on the lips. Then he stepped away—and jumped into a strange, half-pouncing pose and said, “I smell crime,” before shuffling his way out the front door.

“I smell bellyaches in the morning,” you said to no one particular as you shut the door behind him.

Wanda trailed after you, frowning, and her hand lingered on the door.

“Hey.” You took her hand and brought it to your lips to kiss each fingertip as she turned your attention to you. “It’ll be okay.”

Now Wanda’s eyes traced a path across your face before meeting your eyes. “How can you be so sure?”

You replied simply, “I have faith in you and Vision more than I do in anyone else.”

Wanda nodded slowly and took her hand back. She turned around, was greeted by Pietro with a scary face and a bottle of shaving cream in each hand, and screamed. She jumped back against you and you circled your arms protectively around her waist. She scolded her twin, “Don’t do that!”

Pietro snickered. “Where do you keep your water balloons?”

“What?” Wanda’s brows furrowed. “We don’t have water balloons.”

“Where are we gonna put all this shaving cream?” Pietro asked, raising the large cans for her to see. He glanced at you where your chin was resting on Wanda’s shoulder.

You gave him a slight nod, then lightly jutted your chin in the direction of the kitchen. “Backyard,” you mouthed, “Shed.”

Pietro grinned.

Wanda scoffed and gave your cheek a light swat. “Don’t encourage him!”

You snickered and smooched her cheek.

Tommy walked over with an opened plastic bag in hand; Pietro used this as an excuse. Pointing a finger at the boy, he said, “It was Billy’s idea.”

“I’m Tommy.”

“And I’m heading back to the house,” you added in. You peeled yourself away from Wanda after giving her a couple more teasing kisses, despite Tommy and Pietro’s gagging responses, and continued, “I’m going to try to get a couple more boxes packed, want to be done by the weekend. See you in an hour or so?”

“How dare you leave me with these monsters,” Wanda said goodnaturedly.

You shrugged as you opened the front door and began backing out of it.

“Don’t worry,” you said, then gave your partner a smirk and a wink, “you’re a goddess, after all.”

===

You were humming casually as you walked down the street. You kept a close eye on Tommy and Billy as they walked slightly ahead of you, chatting about candy, and a familiar tug in your stomach told you that Wanda and Pietro were still walking just behind you.

Suddenly Tommy and Billy ran off. Pietro yelled the mildly concerning encouragement of “Unleash hell, demon spawn!” Wanda let out a worried holler of your name but you were already heading after the boys.

“I got ‘em!” you hollered with a wave over your shoulder. You jogged after them and scooped them into the air from behind, shaking them around as they giggled. Setting them down again, you followed them up to a house, narrowly avoiding other kids and parents. “You’re not supposed to run off, you know.”

“It’s okay,” Billy stated, “Mom will take care of us.”

“Yeah,” Tommy agreed, “she’s magic!”

You snorted. “That doesn’t mean give her a harder time just because of it.”

The three of you reached the opened door of the house. An older woman dressed as a fairytale queen stood in the doorway, holding a bowl full of candy goodies that she lowered for Tommy and Billy to grab from. You glanced at them to see Tommy shoveling twice as much candy as he should into his bag and rolled your eyes before looking back to the woman. She smiled and said, “Good evening, Sheriff, how’s patrol going?”

You put on your best Southern accent and responded with a tip of your hat, “All’s well, Your Highness. Nothing can get past me and my band of… wizard and lightning bolt.”

Finished with their looting, Tommy and Billy spun around and ran back to their mother and uncle. You gave the woman another hat tip before running after them, chuckling.

“Next house, Mom!” Tommy cried as the three of you reached her and Pietro.

“What am I,” you huffed, “chopped liver?”

“You,” Pietro replied pointedly, “don’t have super speed. Whaddya say, boys? How about you let Uncle P maximize your candy acquisition, huh?”

“Yeah,” Tommy exclaimed, “kick-ass!”

“Language,” you warned with a tousle of his silver-painted hair. You stepped over to Wanda’s side as Tommy grasped Billy’s hand, then reached out for Pietro’s.

“I feel the need,” Pietro started.

“For speed!” Tommy finished. They grabbed each other’s hand and then the three of them were gone in a silvery blue streak.

“Kick-ass,” Wanda said. She stared at you incredulously.

“I see the double standard I’m setting,” you stated. “Also, we’re going to regret letting them leave.”

“Probably.” Wanda gave you an empathetic pat on the shoulder, then spotted someone behind you. She made her way around you and walked over to Herb, who wore a fantastic Frankenstein’s Monster costume, and you walked after her. “Oh, hey, Herb.”

“Oh, hey, Wanda, [Y/N],” Herb responded.

You noticed as you got closer, waving absentmindedly, that he had a wire in his ear, probably set up to communicate with the other neighborhood watch members. You wondered if Vision had thought his cover through and actually told anyone that he was going to help out the watch tonight.

“How’s the patrol going?” Wanda asked.

“Eh, quiet so far,” Herb replied, only for a crackle to sound in his ear. He asked for the two of you to hang on for a moment, then put a finger to his ear. “Say again. All the candy has disappeared?”

As if on cue, Pietro and the twins went zipping by behind him, leaving no candy in their wake. You and Wanda exchanged nervous glances.

“And now all the jack-o’-lanterns have been smashed,” Herb continued. “And now everyone’s covered in silly string?”

“I said we’d regret it,” you muttered to her.

She anxiously looked about, trying to follow the streak flying up and down the street. “[Y/N], honey, could you maybe…?”

“I’ll get the pumpkins and silly string,” you offered, your powers already beginning to warm your fingertips, “you get the candy?”

“Deal.”

Wanda pretended to fix her hair and used the action to mask a subtle power-conjuring gesture. In response, the insides of bowls and bags being held by the people around you began to glow red as their candy was replenished.

Now that you had a handle on your own abilities, it was easy to manage with no hand movements required. The power itself was fairly simple: you could transform matter from one form to another. It came with a couple of other quirks, like a heightened awareness of certain energies—such as Wanda’s magic or Vision’s overall synthezoid being—and being able to use that awareness to find a person if you focused hard enough and paid attention to the pull in your gut but overall, you didn’t find it particularly special and it was nowhere near as powerful as Wanda’s. You could also drain your powers if you used them too long or focused on them too hard, and had to keep a constant source of energy intake to keep both your body and ability’s energy in check; in other words, you were almost always snacking.

It was useful in times like these, though, where you had a target object or objects that needed to be covered up. All you had to do was focus—not too little and not too much, you found through trial and error; that was the trickiest part—and let the prickling heat coat your hands, and then thin wisps of black appeared to float around smashed pumpkins or entangle themselves with lines of silly string. Black turned to white as the transformation began to take place—silly string into fake cobwebs, Halloween-themed strings of light, or sinking into peoples’ clothing to become part of the pattern, and pumpkins into sturdier variations of themselves or other Halloween decorations—before white turned to red and then faded altogether.

You’d think at least one person of Westview would notice such feats of glowing magic and decorations appearing before their very eyes but no. The only indication that anything had changed at all was another crackle in Herb’s ear.

“Oh, nice,” Herb said in response to the talking in his ear, “everything seems to be all good now.”

“Huh, weird,” you said as you casually shook off the tingling sensation in your hands, “I wondered what happened.”

“Pranks, probably,” Wanda suggested after clearing her throat and dropping her hands. “Of course, the watch probably handled it. I’m sure Vision had a hand in it.”

“Vision?” Herb questioned. “Oh, he’s not on duty.”

Nice job, Vis.

“Oh,” Wanda said, “I… I thought…”

“Is there something I can do for you, Wanda?” Herb asked, suddenly staring intently at her. “Do you want something changed?”

Wanda became visibly uncomfortable and she chuckled nervously. “No. It’s fine. Nevermind.”

You eyed Herb; his eyes weren’t quite glassy but they stared with an emptiness that made your intestines twist before they snapped back to normal when Wanda indicated that everything was fine. You placed a supporting hand on Wanda’s back and slowly ushered her away as Herb smiled, waved, and walked off down the street.

“Strange,” Wanda said with a few rapid blinks.

“Very.” you agreed as the two of you walked on. “Are you okay?”

Wanda blinked once more, then stopped walking. “Did Vision lie to me?”

You slowed and turned to face her before stopping altogether. “Well, he’s technically doing his job.”

Wanda stared at you. “Do you know where he is? What he’s doing?”

You winced, then shook your head. “I don’t. I’m sorry. I told him that he should talk to you and he must have decided he didn’t want to ‘get me in trouble’ or something.”

Wanda frowned and mumbled, “What is wrong with us…?”

“I’m sorry,” you tried again as you anxiously toyed with the hem of your short vest, “I want to help.”

Wanda sighed and gave you a small, sad smile. “You tried.”

===

Later that night, while you and Wanda were back walking with the group, Tommy found himself to have developed super-speed like Pietro because of course, he had. As you’d done for most of the day, you tasked yourself with watching over the kids while Wanda used her time to catch up with her estranged brother. This time, you were watching Tommy zip Billy and himself around to test out his new ability while Wanda and Pietro wandered a little further down the street. Now that Tommy had an energy similar to that of his parents, even if you couldn’t see him, you could hone in on him and follow a familiar pull.

You were leaning against the side of the local cinema, which was currently showing The Incredibles—Westview had apparently shifted decades again—and attempting to make a mental map of Tommy’s speedy travels while using the compass-like pull when the pull suddenly yanked your attention upward. Your eyes shot open as you sought out the call of your attention and against the starless night sky, you could see a pinprick of familiar golden light hovering over a floating silhouette.

You glanced over to Wanda and Pietro, who were deep in conversation. Then a flash of silver light zipped across your field of vision; you stopped Tommy and Billy by turning a section of the street in their path to wet cement.

“Hey, no fair!” Tommy whined.

“My costume…” Billy mumbled sadly.

You tugged them out of the wet cement, turned it back to asphalt, and transformed the mess on their shoes and pants into grass clippings that could easily be brushed off. After doing so, you straightened up and took the toy guns out of your holsters. You thought about turning them into squirt guns and setting the twins loose, then decided that wouldn’t make you any better than Pietro and settled for transforming them into massive chocolate bars instead. You held them out to the twins.

“Take these,” you said, “and be on your best behavior for the rest of the night. Go with your mom and Pietro to the movie showing. Tell them I’ll be back in a bit, okay?”

Tommy eyed the chocolate skeptically before shrugging and taking it anyway. “Where are you going?”

“To make sure Vision gets home on time,” you replied. Tommy shrugged again and walked off, and you started to turn away when you felt a little hand grasp your wrist and the slight spark of magical energy that came with it. You looked down to see Billy staring up at you with wide eyes.

“Do you think they’ll be okay?” he asked softly. “Mom and Dad?”

You took his hand and squeezed it. “Of course, hon’. If anyone can make something work, they can.”

Billy stared for a little longer before nodding. He squeezed your hand back, then dropped it. “Stay safe.”

“That’s the plan.”

===

You were following your inner compass to Vision, who was no longer flying overhead when you began feeling the weird sensation of something non-physical trying to clamber inside your head. You were tempted to try to block yourself from whatever it was trying to reach you but it didn’t feel threatening. Instead, it felt somewhat familiar and it felt scared.

You paused and try to figure out what exactly it was and as you did so, your head filled with radio static, struggling to get in tune. You focused harder, invited whatever was trying to connect with you to do so, and just as the familiarity clicked as Billy, the young boy’s voice rang inside your skull.

It’s Dad, Billy’s voice said and then the radio static was reappearing. Before it completely overtook him, you could hear, He’s in trouble.

Just as Billy’s voice and then the radio static disappeared from your head, a section of the barrier shielding Westview from the outside world exploded into view. From your previous experience with going through the barrier yourself, you recognized the warping of the static wall as trying to bend around something trying to leave to prevent it from doing so.

Burning heat suddenly flared in your palms, strong enough to envelop your entire arms and lick at your shoulders and neck. Then you were running to Vision’s aid, throwing bolts of glowing energy ahead of you to transform obstacles like trees and signs into harmless items that were no longer in your way as you beelined to your partner. While the visible section of the barrier was easy enough to follow, it didn’t tell you anything about the condition of the person it was fighting against. Instead, the normally steady pang that was now quickly shattering and fading told you Vision was not just in danger but dying, and fast. You attempted to quicken your pace further.

By the time you reached the edge of Westview, you felt sweaty and exhausted, and the numbness of falling asleep limbs was setting into your hands and arms; you’d overused your abilities. Still, when you saw that Vision was nowhere to be seen, meaning he’d managed to make it through the barrier, you pushed forward and started forcing your way through it as well. Although your powers were weak from overuse and nothing compared to Wanda’s they did help make the passage somewhat easier. Just before you broke through to the other side, you felt what could only be described as the magic version of the pullback of a wave before a tsunami was about to hit.

Then you were collapsing on the other side of the barrier. It was hell there—a high-tech military base was set up, trucks and soldiers were swarming around, a woman was being handcuffed to one truck by a familiar man—but all you could focus on was the body of your dying lover laying on the ground barely a foot ahead of you, pieces of him tearing from his body and flying backward to be absorbed by the energy field just behind you. You felt yourself choke out a sob from seeing him in such a state and forced yourself to crawl one inch, then two inches, then three inches forward until you could wrap a weak hand around his ankle and attempt to feed what little bit of energy that you had left into him. You drained yourself little by little of everything you had left until dark spots appeared in your eyesight and you didn’t have enough strength to lift your head or keep a tight hold on Vision’s ankle.

You were about to pass out when Wanda’s magic hit crashed into you like a wave and traveled outward. Then everything went black.

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quazartranslates · 3 years

Text

Welcome to the Nightmare Game II - CH27

**This is an edited machine translation. For more information, please [click here]**

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Chapter 27: Star Death Reality Show (X)

Lara's words drew silence from everyone.

That afternoon, after the search for Mark and He Yi failed, Dr. Lu had complained casually that the snow was too slippery, and he accidentally fell—he had fallen three times in one afternoon, and the number of times he fell might have doubled if Du Yue hadn't been watching him the whole time. This had reminded everyone that they would be living here for the next six days, and they couldn't travel on the snow every time.

So the five of them, together with Xue Jiahui, Janet, and Alex, who were present to help search at that time, eight people in total, had carried the necessary snow-shovelling equipment to each house and swept out a snow-free road near their houses, leading to the church in the middle of the village. And Jing Siyu, Jing Sixue, and Annie, although not missing, had not cleared their paths, nor had the missing Mark and He Yi.

Lara's thinking was very clear. If someone had knocked Xue Jiahui out and taken her away, unless he went to the church first along the snow-free path Xue Jiahui had cleared and then gone to someone's house to hide her along the seven snow-free paths connected to the church, his footprints would otherwise be left in the snow.

"But in the afternoon, we walked around and left many footprints on the ground, which are difficult to distinguish now," Qi Leren countered.

"Let’s look for it along the way," Lara said.

This search went on throughout the night, but there were no extra suspicious footprints on the ground and there were no clues in the people's houses. By dawn, Dr. Lu was too sleepy to keep his eyes open. He followed the crowd with a yawn and walked into the church with them to have a rest.

"The Best of the Day will be broadcast in two hours. Let's just wait for it before we rest," Lara said.

Dr. Lu said, "I can't do it. Let me take a nap and just... call me when it’s time."

Giving a look of being exhausted, he yawned hard enough that tears almost fell. Qi Leren patted him on the shoulder: "You might as well go back so you can sleep. Have Du Yue accompany you."

"Aren't you sleepy?" Dr. Lu muttered.

"Not too much." Qi Leren also felt a little tired, but it was probably because he was tortured by Chen Baiqi. His energy was better than before, so he could stay up all night.

"Forget it, I’ll take a nap on a couch here for a while, just for two hours, I’m too tired to leave," Dr. Lu murmured and yawned again.

Seeing that he was so sleepy, Lara smiled and said, "You can't sleep on the couch either. It would be bad if you caught a cold."

Qi Leren suddenly remembered the glowing stone: "Lara, do you remember that glowing stone? You and Francis found it in a cave yesterday."

"Oh, what's wrong?" Lara wondered.

"Before going to Xue Jiahui’s, we passed the church to look at the stone. It turned out that... It was a bit strange, you should also have a look," Qi Leren solemnly said.

Lara nodded and walked with Francis towards the back room of the church.

Pushing open the unlocked door, the old room was illuminated by the polar daylight outside the broken window. But the first thing the people who walked into this room saw would never be the stone that had broken into two pieces and lost its luster in the corner, but Xue Jiahui lying on the ground.

"Xue Jiahui!" Qi Leren let out a low cry, and Dr. Lu, who was about to fall asleep, hurried up to check her condition.

"Still alive, breathing and heartbeat are normal." Dr. Lu touched her neck and let out a long sigh of relief.

"Why is she here?" Du Yue wondered.

"We'll know when she wakes up," Qi Leren said, and looked at the stone that was no longer shining.

Before, when he was busy performing for the audience, he hadn't noticed that there was dried blood on the stone's surface that penetrated into the crevice. When he thought of the bloodstained bandage found in Annie's room, he inevitably linked these two things together.

Was it because of Annie's blood that the monster in this stone was awakened? It made sense. As a member of Deep Sea Religion, Annie would recognize this stone as a natural thing. Although she was resting in the house because she was feeling unwell that day, Mark had seen the stone, and it was likely that he had told Annie.

But this guess wouldn't be recognized even if it was spoken aloud. After all, this group of contestants still didn't know that a terrible monster had appeared here... After Xue Jiahui woke up, he would look for an opportunity to let her identify the pictures of the octopus so that the chain of logic could be made. Qi Leren was going to do this.

After more than an hour, the contestants came to the church one after another, waiting for the announcement at 8 o'clock. Jing Siyu was much better. She came with her sister Jing Sixue, and Annie also came. When she saw Xue Jiahui, she raised her eyebrows: "Didn't you say she was missing?"

"She was found more than an hour ago in the room behind the church hall. Also, the glowing stone we found on the first day has been broken... Something is wrong," Lara said in a dignified way.

Janet, who had just arrived, smiled mockingly and said nothing.

Xue Jiahui, who had been placed on the couch, let out a loud groan, and everyone looked at her. She slowly opened her eyes and looked around in confusion.

"Are you alright?" Lara sat down beside her and asked softly.

Xue Jiahui opened her mouth and asked hoarsely, "Who are you?"

When she said this, Qi Leren screamed in his heart. The important clue-NPC fell off the chain at the critical moment via the ridiculous method of amnesia, which simply cut off the possibility of obtaining intelligence across the board. He had a faint feeling that there was a 90% chance that this boss-enemy was the "octopus" mentioned during their discussion before, but he knew nothing about it except that the octopus was a parasitic cosmic alien. He didn’t know its habits, fighting capacity, or whether it would reproduce rapidly.

While Qi Leren was struggling, Lara had already asked about Xue Jiahui's condition. She had really lost her memory and even forgotten who she was. Obviously, it was impossible to remember that she had done a program about "amphioctopus".

Janet held her forehead and sighed in an ostentatious manner: "I am really fed up with cooperating with the performance, even a memory loss scenario has come out. I think Miss Xue won yesterday's Best without any problem."

As soon as she spoke, the speaker started: "Now broadcasting the voting results. The winner for the Best of the Day is: Qi Leren."

The people present uniformly turned their attention to Qi Leren. Janet, who had been beaten on the spot, looked at Qi Leren in a particularly bad way. Dr. Lu was more excited than he was that he got the Best. He said happily: "Congratulations, please come have dinner with me and Du Yue later to celebrate!"

"Thank you... Well, thank you all for your support and love." When Qi Leren remembered that there was an audience, he had to smile and pretend that he was very happy, but his brain was spinning: How could he be rated as the best yesterday? Was it because he’d found that the glowing stone was broken? Or for some other reason?

On the second day of this reality show, many things had happened: Jing Siyu fell into the basement, Mark and He Yi disappeared, they searched the basement, Xue Jiahui disappeared and lost her memory...

He had participated in almost every one of these events. It was probably because of his positive performance and occasional "flash of light" discovery that he had gotten so many votes, Qi Leren thought.

"It's a pity, I thought Miss Xue could get the Best, but it turned out to be Qi. It seems that the audience is more fond of conscientious and obedient actors." Janet looked at Xue Jiahui with a playful mockery.

Xue Jiahui looked confused and overwhelmed, and Qi Leren could not see the sense of recognition in her face. He was now not sure what had happened to Xue Jiahui. If someone had really knocked her out, who could it be?

"It's still strange. The three of us came to the church at eleven o'clock in the evening. At that time, there was no one in the room. After that, we went to Xue Jiahui’s, and the journey took only ten minutes at most. Why was Xue Jiahui hidden in this room? Who brought her here? How did the perpetrator avoid other people?" Dr. Lu murmured, his brow wrinkling more and more tightly as he looked very distressed.

"I’m afraid that only the audience will know this," Lara smiled bitterly. "After all, we can't check these cameras."

"Unfortunately, we can't get help from the audience outside the stadium," Francis said.　

"Actually, it shouldn’t be impossible," Qi Leren suddenly said.

"Do you have a communicator?" Janet looked at Qi Leren with suspicious eyes.

"No. Like you, I have no other tools except a knife. The fixed cameras are installed inside and outside the church. The audience watching the screen clearly knows who brought Xue Jiahui here while she was knocked out. As long as they tell us the name of the person, everything will be understood," Qi Leren said slowly, looking at the speaker.

Lara's eyes brightened. "You mean..."

Qi Leren smiled and nodded.

Although this speaker would only broadcast the names of the Best, even if it was just a name, it would play a great role in cracking the current puzzle.

"Qianbei is too powerful!" Du Yue actually clapped his hands on the spot, and his admiration was beyond words. Dr. Lu on the side covered his face with one hand and his mouth with the other. It was a shame that this fanboy gave exaggerated praise regardless of the occasion!

"This is also an idea, but will the audience cooperate?" Francis asked.

"Let’s try it. Will you ask them?" Qi Leren invited Lara.

Lara nodded and took a deep breath before solemnly saying, "Hello, audience and friends, welcome to our program. Today is the third day of the program, and many unexpected accidents have happened, especially the accident to Xue Jiahui. We can't figure out who knocked her out and brought her to the back room in this church, and we don't know what the motive is. We hereby implore the audience who have watched this program to vote for the man who committed the crime when they vote for today’s Best of the Day. This is very important to us, please help us. Thank you!"

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#Welcome to the Nightmare Game #欢迎来到噩梦游戏 #danmei

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ramp-it-up · 3 years

Text

Fresh Squeeze, Ch. 5

Pairing: Daveed Diggs x OFC Linden Marshall

Set in 2023, post-pandemic

Warnings: Cursing, Angsty Angst, drug and alcohol use, surprise flights, Anthony Ramos. Lots of Plot.

Word Count: 3.5 K

Plot: Linden Marshall just finished law school at Columbia University in NYC. Daveed Diggs is still creating magic with his platonic life partner Rafael Casal in the form of their Blindspotting musical, Bay Boys. Linden’s boyfriend WAS Mark Monaco, star of the superhero movie series Invincible. They were together for years, and her trauma and his addictions were toxic. She knows now that wasn’t love.

A/N: Keep in mind that this the same AU as Arrivals, with Holly Woods, but is BEFORE Rafa and Holly get together. And don’t come for me about Anthony.

Read the Previous Chapter.

===================

NYC, May 2023

Jasmine was blowing up your phone as you were trying to get dressed. You had to search for it under the pile of clothes on your bed.

You had procrastinated getting ready, trying to finish one of your applications for a summer internship at this law firm in Harlem that you were excited about.

You wanted to finally relax after finishing Columbia law in the top 10% of your class. You just wanted to relax and enjoy this weekend.

Craig, your mom and your uncle were the only ones to attend your graduation. They knew you didn’t want any fanfare, so your famous friends didn’t attend, and they had a show to do, but they’d sent you tons of well wishes.

We're coming up, get decent!

You chuckled and shook your head. Anthony usually raided the refrigerator when he came over. This time, you told him to bring his own snacks..

You slipped on what you were wearing for the night. Craig was in his room getting ready and you had volunteered his place, so you were playing hostess. You were surprised that he was so chill about it, actually.

“Pika Pika,” you said to yourself in the mirror then ran to answer the doorbell. It was almost 6 pm.

You opened the door for Cookie Monster and Big Bird. You burst out laughing. But you stopped when you saw Anthony's face. He had like five bags from Whole Foods that he was juggling in his blue arms.

"Jazzy!!!! There's my girl. Hey Ant! leave the food and your girl. We may run off together."

Anthony came in the door loaded down with bags and kissed you on the cheek.

“I love you Lindy, but fuck you man.” You punched him on the shoulder.

“Ow! Time to get this party started!”

Linden heard Jazzy’s Brooklyn accent turn into a London lilt as she started play fighting with Ant. They felt like family at this point.

=================

Ever since the launch party in January, Jasmine had pursued you as a friend persistently. You normally didn’t let anyone in because of the circumstances of your life, but Jas was oblivious to your awkwardness with normal human beings.

“Girl, you are fucking DOPE, and you are NOT gonna deny my love. I know your life has been a trip, and you don’t have to tell me all of it, but I’m not gonna let you shrivel up and be a little retiring wallflower. Life is to be lived.”

Jasmine telling you that during a Saturday brunch date in February was the key to your heart. She drew you out, and you didn’t see what value you added to her life.

But she loved you anyway. And you loved her, and of course, Anthony was part of the package.

He was beautiful, loud, talented, and reckless, but he reminded you too fucking much of Dell to be annoyed with him very long.

Your circle had certainly widened from just Craig. That was one thing for which you could thank Mark. You were working on him being a distant memory. He hadn’t lasted too long in Bay Boys, quitting soon after the musical opened in March.

Daveed’s hands and feet had ‘slipped’ one too many times during the scene when he was stomping his ass on stage. Mark cited health reasons, and publicly spiraled a bit. He was currently in rehab.

Again.

You had not heard from him and that was absolutely fine with you.

Because Jasmine was in Bay Boys and that was her life, the cast and crew became yours as well. Rafael was the type of chaotic creative genius that fascinated you; you could listen to him talk for hours.

Things with Daveed were more tricky. Ever since that awkwardness with him after the launch party, you’d kept your distance, but you hung out a lot, so you were trying to be friends.

When you and Jas and Ant and Rafa hung out and talked, Daveed was there, smiling shyly and sneaking glances at you, throwing in pearls of wisdom every so often.

He was so dope and so talented and intelligent and so freaking hot, but you were trying to get yourself together. You were convinced that night in January had been a mistake.

You needed some space. And time. Law school was no joke, and you were in therapy so entanglements was not what was up.

Daveed sensed your hesitancy and decided to stop pursuing you. But he couldn’t stop how he felt.

You were both a little wasted and keyed up the night of the launch party, and despite the way you were beautiful and intelligent and sexy as fucking hell, he was not going to press you.

Daveed was sure that you two could be something special if you would give it a chance, but he didn’t want to chase you, but he was so gone for you, that if you just nodded your head at him, he would be at your feet.

The attraction was undeniable. There was a crazy little dance you two did that everyone recognized and respected. This group seemed to know you were fragile, and that you didn’t need to be pushed too far.

But the more they persisted, the more you came out of your shell. The more you trusted, the more the old Lindy came back.

Craig noticed first soon after you started hanging with the crew when you were trying to find a place to live. He went to one showing with you and sat you down for a talk.

“Girl, I love the light in your eyes. I haven’t seen this Lindy since…well in a long time. Stay with me for as long as you want. I know you need to get through this last semester of school, you don’t need one more thing to think about. I’m proud of the work that you’re doing on yourself, Linden.”

You were grateful to Craig. His place on the Upper West Side was super convenient to Columbia, and not having to think about finding a place was so clutch. Third year was kicking your ass.

“Besides, I wouldn’t have this place if it wasn’t for…”

“Hush, I don’t want to hear that. Dell would have wanted this. I love you cuzzo.”

=================

Craig came out in a Sully onesie and immediately dragged Jasmine into a conversation about the Met Gala that had happened a few days ago.

You approached the kitchen where Ant stood, food all around him on the counter. You were whispering. He smiled a secret smile at you.

“I’m so proud of you doing this for Jasmine. It’s good for you all to get away. I’m glad that she got a little break. She deserves it all.”

Anthony had arranged for this little get together to be a surprise for Jasmine. This was going to be a kickback weekend.

The show was on a four day hiatus while the set was moved to a bigger theatre. It was a hit and was destined for a long run.

Ant’s green eyes lit up as you kept talking about Jasmine.

“Yeah, she does. And the woman of the hour deserves all the happiness in the world.” He lifted his beer to you.

They way he said that was weird and you were about to ask him what was up with that when the doorbell started ringing, you went to answer it and were stuck there for a few minutes as people started coming in.

The food and the drinks were flowing while all kinds of characters came in.

Now they also had Jack Skellingtom, and a Care Bear in the house to add to Big bird, Cookie Monster, Pikachu and Sully. It was an odd cast of characters who were jamming to 90's rap, eating chicken wings and basically tripping like only friends could do.

Then there was Toni, some tag-along chick who showed up with Rafa. She had on a plain gray onesie. What a downer.

You’d pegged her for a star fucker who only hung with Rafa because of who he and his friends were. The girl was too much in everyone's business.

"Sooooo. You and Mark ARE broken up for real for real. The tabloids say y’all are back together! I told my friend Susie you weren’t, but she wouldn't believe me."

You just smiled and didn't confirm or deny, treating Toni like the paparazzi. The girl was oblivious to your hate and just kept talking.

Daveed rescued you.

"Hey, Toni, show these folks how you can blow. They're setting up the karaoke machine over there. Show us what you're working with. Someone might hook you up with a gig."

Toni perked up and hurried over to Anthony and Craig, who were setting up the lyrics on the big screen to match the karaoke music. Some Bad Boy joints were up.

Rafa was behind them screaming, "Dylan, Dylan, Dylan!"

They were a scene. You breathed and relaxed a little.

"Don't stress. She's not coming with us to the island."

You looked up at the tall, fine Grumpy Care Bear who was nursing some of your special 18-year-old Chivas Regal that you had gotten for graduation. His beautiful smile shined out of his brown face and beneath the curls tumbling out of his hood.

“I’m not pressed. I’m chilling. You can do what you want. With who you want.”

“She’s not with me. Rafa brought her for the ride to the airport. And it’s not entirely true that I can do what I want. With who I want. Because what if who I want to do doesn’t want to do me?”

You knew what he meant. But you eyed his drink instead of looking at him. It wasn’t that you didn’t want him. That was far from the truth. You didn’t want to get lost in him. And you could see that happening.

Daveed saw your wheels turning. You were over analyzing again. He’d spent three months observing you every chance he got. He felt like he knew your anxieties. So fucking smart, but here you were thinking too much.

"Hey Genuis Ass. Want some?" Daveed’s voice was softer as he grinned and offered you some of his drink. “Or, I could go make you something?” For some reason he wanted you to get loose.

"Nah, I'm good Diggs.” For some reason you needed to stay in control. You played it off by changing the subject.

“I still can’t believe y’all call me that.”

Daveed just smiled and nodded, chuckling a little. He craned his neck and looked at it, having to dodge a smack upside the head.

“That ass is genius, you know. That’s the one thing He Who Shall Not Be Named was right about. And you’re one of the smartest humans I know.”

You had to look at him then. The flecks of gold in his eyes tho. But you could tell from the slight redness that he was a little zooted. He didn’t get that way around you a lot, but you knew for the stories that he partied occasionally.

He and Rafa and that Toni chick must have pre-gamed. You remembered the last time you two were tipsy together.You cleared your throat and looked away.

“Why did you lie to that girl? She can’t sing.” You were shaking your head, scowling at Toni’s screeching from the karaoke machine.

He winked at you. D was well on his way to getting LIT.

"What? She can blow.” Daveed sipped his drink and watched her.

“She’ll suck your soul out and spit it back in your mouth." Daveed was loose. And so was his mouth. But he didn’t care.

Your mouth was hanging open at Daveed as you wondered what Daveed had done with Toni, what Daveed AND Rafa had done with Toni...

Shit, you were just going to ask.

"How do you know that she..."

"AWWWW SHEEEIIIITTT! THAT'S MY JAM! REMEMBER THIS LINDY??"

“No, I was like, negative 5..”

You raised your voice as he traveled away from you, smiling. He was not slick.

“Well you missed out being tardy to the party…”

He was backing toward the mic, knocking it out of Anthony’s hand and starting the rap. Rafa joined him, trading verses.

Now as the record spins around, you recognize this sound,

Well, it's the underground,

You know that we're down with wutchyalike

Yeah, with wutchyalike, yeah

And though we're usually on the serious tip, check it out:

Tonight we're gonna flip and trip and let it all hang out tonight,

We're gonna say what we like.

'Cause, yo, yo, we want to know how many people in the flow,

Would like to just let yourselves go

And doowutchyalike,

Yeah, well tonight's your night.

Just eat food, try not to be crude or rude,

Kill the attitude, chill the serious mood,

And doowutchyalike,

Yeah, and doowutchyalike,

Everybody doowutchyalike

Everyone was dancing and Daveed had effectively deflected your question. But you would never forget.

By 8 o’clock, Craig grabbed the mic and motioned for Jasmine to come with him. You had enjoyed some cocktails finally, and just figured they were going to duet Wind Beneath My Wings just like they always did.

You were actually moving to the music and feeling good.

"Ok guys, whew. I'm hot. Is it hot in herrrre?" Craig was fanning himself.

“Whoooo! Nelly!”

You yelled and everyone laughed.

Craig took his hood off and started to unzip his onesie. Jasmine did the same.

You kept dancing nervously, not realizing it, looking around at the others who were also disrobing. You did a double take as D’s abs came into view. What was going on?

Craig continued.

"Lindy, I just need a minute to talk, can you stop whatever it is you're doing?" He grinned at you from across the room. "You're still moving Lindy."

You blushed and stopped fidgeting.

"Ummm, Craig, what the..."

One by one people dropped their onesies, all except Toni, who had no clue what was going on. Soon, everyone was standing in Craig’s condo in their swimsuits, looking fine as hell.

You just looked around, then in your cup wondering if you were too drunk and hallucinating.

“Lindy, you’ve worked real hard, and this past few months have been crazy, so we wanted to do something special for you this weekend, for your graduation, and for your birthday, WHICH IS SUNDAY!!”

Everyone cheered as Jasmine took the mic. “You think this party is for me. Well the joke’s on you bitch, because you have been hosting your own party!”

You opened your mouth, squeaked a little, then spoke,

"But why?.. Everybody? But what..."

Daveed moved close.

"Damn, you fine," you whispered.

Your hand flew to your mouth when he smirked in response. Everyone was rolling because turns out, you didn’t whisper.

Daveed cleared his throat. "Thank you. You’re fine yaseif. Anyway, Anthony and Jasmine have a house there, and we’re flying out of JFK tonight. In about two and a half hours in fact. So we gotta get going.”

You still had only a part of a clue of what was going on. But you couldn't resist all of this.

"Okay? But... I don't have any clothes. And I don’t have a ticket..."

Craig came from the storage room off the kitchen with one of your suitcases. Others started getting their bags as well

"Everybody's shit has been in my house for a week. And girl, you know I got your information. It ain’t nothing but a thang. Your ticket is ready and waiting. Just sent it to your email.”

Your mouth dropped open and you stared at Craig as everyone pulled their onesies back up and got their bags together.

Your eyes filled with tears that you hurriedly brushed away. Craig came over and hugged you. Then every else joined in for a group hug.

"You deserve, Lindy. Let us celebrate you."

You looked like you didn't quite believe it, but you went along. You laughed, visibly deciding to go with the flow.

"I'm down!"

Toni was nearby. When the hug broke up, she started asking questions. Your patience was wearing thin.

"I don’t believe that all these people really roll like this. Y’all wild. Susie won that bet."

You just continued to look at this fool.

"But isn’t this dope? All these famous, successful men being so fearless with their love and appreciation for Black women, of all people. Who woulda thunk they didn't want white women?"

Toni just kept saying the wrong thing. It was the "of all people" for you.

You stared daggers at your houseguest. Toni caught the look.

"Wait, are you mixed?"

You narrowed your eyes and said, "Black mixed with Black."

Toni clutched her pearls.

"Oh wow. Didn't mean to offend. I just mean everyone knows Jasmine is mixed, with her dad and all, as black as can be. But her white British mom saved her from his skin tone. I mean, she has braids in now, so you can see it, but all she has to do is blow her hair straight and she can pass..."

Toni jumped when Rafa spoke. She didn't know he was there.

"Toni. Not Jas. She's the homie."

The look in his ice blue eyes could burn.

"And you are a Black woman, so you know how dope they are. Why would anyone NOT worship at your feet?"

Lindy just sipped her drink as Craig entered the chat. "Amen!"

"Maybe it is time for you to get going, honey. I might call you when I get back."

Rafa led Toni to the door as she protested.

"But I was going to take you to the air..."

"And I APPRECIATE you Black woman, but we'll get there. See you later."

Then Rafa shut the door in her face. Linden discovered she loved him eternally at that moment. She was rolling.

No one mourned Toni’s departure as arrangements were made for cars to take everyone to the airport.

"You and Daveed can ride with us, Rafa." Ant to the rescue.

"Yeah, Jasmine loves to look at my profile." Jas pinched him so hard he jumped.

“Fuck!”

Ant was screaming as he, Jasmine and Rafa went out the door.

"Peace! See you at airport security. If you get nabbed by TSA, you on your own!”

Daveed lingered. “I don’t know if all of us and our bags will fit in one car. Can I ride with you and Lindy, Craig?”

Craig smirked at Daveed, but didn’t say anything. “Of course...you good with that Lindy?”

You tried to keep it light.

“Sure.. no biggie,” you cleared your throat and headed to the bathroom to make sure you had everything you needed.

=================

By the time you got to your Uber, the traffic was horrible. It took over an hour to get to the airport. You felt both anxious about missing the flight and keyed up about sitting next to Daveed in the car.

His thigh and side pressing into yours in the dark in the back of an Uber Black brought back memories of that reckless night.

When he put his arm up on the seat behind you, “For more room,” he said, in that voice and flashing that megawatt smile, you were enveloped more into his scent and warmth. You had to control yourself not to melt into him.

Craig was sitting on his phone, sneaking glances at you and smirking the entire ride. He’d insisted that you be in the middle because you were so tiny.

The whole world was against you, you thought, as you and Daveed both stared straight ahead, both flashing back to that January night.

You were the last three people to run through the airline gate just at they were about to close it. All your friends in first class cheered when you took their seats, and Rafa popped a bottle of champagne.

"Talk about cutting it close," Ant commented as Rafa gave Daveed a high five.

Daveed looked at you. You shook your head at him. Somehow, you were sitting next to him. You just decided to let it be and have some time.

“Just make sure you don’t molest me under this blanket, Ms. Marshall,” Daveed intoned when you were settled and given amenities for the night.

The flight attendant had to tell y’all to keep quiet as the cat calls went up.

Welp, you thought. This will be the vibe the entire weekend.

You weren’t mad at it. You loved these people. And you were safe. You just smiled, settled down, and looked out of the window to watch the lights of New York fade away.

=================

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#Daveed Diggs #daveed x reader #daveed diggs x black reader #daveed diggs x ofc reader #Daveed diggs x ofc black reader #daveed diggs x you #daveed diggs imagine #daveed diggs angst #daveed diggs fluff #anthony ramos #jasmine cephas jones #Rafael Casal #Hamilfam #blindspotting #Daveed x Linden

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whenihaveyouromione · 4 years

Text

When I Have You - Chapter 1

This can also be read on ffn.net and ao3

A/N: This story will follow the lives of Ron and Hermione from the end of DH, to the epilogue and then beyond. This places all of my head canon in one story, along with tidbits of canon provided by JKR throughout. I like to stick mostly to canon post war, so I've followed the books to a T, and mostly everything post war is canon or canon-compliant. There will be the odd change, most barely noticeable.

Also, standard message that this in no way follows the Cursed Child plot at all, and I ignore it completely. This includes Hermione becoming Minister for Magic (which I know is something people like to include), as it makes no sense in comparison to the other canon JKR has provided. Plus, I hate Cursed Child, so… yeah.

Also, prior to reading this, please be aware that this story is intended to be LONG, it is intended to be an extremely slow burn. The chapter length is currently unknown, but I am predicting well over 200 chapters by the end. This is also not action packed, nor is it filled with unpredictability. This is a story where I go into excruciating detail about their lives after the war, but the intention is to be no surprises. Everything you think will happen, WILL happen. Please be mindful of that before going into this. I don't want anyone to be left disappointed. The idea is to detail their lives, not to have you on the edge of your seat with anticipation! If that's what you're after, this story is not for you.

This story also will contain implied sex. Sex scenes resemble 90's sitcoms — you have the before, you have the after, but none of the in between. They also talk a bit (not a lot, because it's not my focus) about sex. I am writing about their relationship, so it's obviously going to exist, but it's not going to be detailed, just implied.

Also, last but not least, this story has an Instagram account. As it's so long and detailed, I've decided to add some hopefully additional entertainment to it. The handle is (with no spaces) 'whenihaveyou . romione' on IG. Please feel free to follow. If for some reason you can't see it on here, feel free to PM me for it. I'll be posting small sneak peaks, responses to questions, etc on there. I'm even throwing my hand up to attempt some fanart on my own story, but I promise that writing is more my thing lol.

And now, to the story (I swear the future a/n's won't be this long). I hope you enjoy, and as usual, your thoughts, comments, questions, are all appreciated!

----------------------

Chapter 1

Ron brushed a stray strand of hair away from Hermione's face, which lit up at his touch. A smile graced her lips, but her eyes remained closed for a few moments longer. It was their favourite way to spend their afternoons; lying on his Chudley Cannons spread, arms around each other, sometimes dozing or sometimes talking. After long days of preparing for the coming funerals and Flooing to Hogwarts to help with repairs, it was always nice to come back and not think about the devastation that had befallen the wizarding world. While everyone grieved, these few moments together were a welcomed solace.

When laying beside her, Ron allowed himself a few moments of happiness. Because that's what she made him feel: happy. When she'd thrown her arms around him and kissed him in the middle of the war, he thought he'd loved her then. Now, ten days later, he realised how mistaken he'd been. This was love. Spending almost every moment, day and night, with her; holding her, kissing her, had made him fall helplessly in love, and for the first time ever, he was almost certain that she felt the same way.

He kissed her lightly on the lips, running fingers through her thick hair. She smiled against him, her eyes finally opening.

"We should go down and help the others with dinner," he murmured. "Before Mum comes looking for us."

As was to be expected, Molly had been a mess since the end of the war. Fred's death had impacted all of them, but no one more than his mother. For the first few days, they'd not seen her as she kept herself locked away in her bedroom, Arthur bringing her every meal. On the third day, she'd ventured out for a few moments before taking one look at everyone and bursting into tears. She'd spent another two days locked away after that.

She was out and about now, but out of respect for her feelings, Ron felt it best to keep his sudden relationship with Hermione secret. He did not think his mother would take kindly to one of her sons finding happiness in such a dark time.

They'd intended to keep it secret from everyone apart from Harry and Ginny, but word had gradually gotten out amongst the rest of the Weasleys. Bill had stumbled upon Ron placing a kiss on her forehead one evening before going to bed. Charlie had caught them holding hands in the Burrow's garden another night. Percy seemed to just know, and Arthur had awkwardly found them in a passionate embrace one morning in a Hogwarts' corridor.

No one spoke of it after, though. Everyone seemed to know better than to mention anything in front of Molly, so meal times resulted in limiting their affection to smiles across the table. That made these moments alone even more special.

Hermione sat up, resting her back against the headboard and yawning. Today had been especially difficult; after days of being hounded by the press as they demanded answers and spat out ridiculous theories (at Hogwarts, of all places), Harry had Disapparated to who knew where and hadn't returned. If he had any sense, he would have gone somewhere no one would find him. Ron suspected he had gone to Grimmauld Place.

"You think Harry's alright?" Hermione asked, rubbing her eyes.

"No, not really," Ron said. "But I can't blame him. The media have been unforgiving. It's easier for us to brush them aside, because they don't care as much about us. Can't imagine what it's like for him."

"How long should we give him?" Hermione asked.

"A few days." Ron shrugged, feeling his mood darken. "Fred's funeral is in three days. Lupin and Tonks' the day after that. I can't imagine him missing them."

Hermione looked less convinced. She looked at Ron, clearly worried. Ron placed an arm around her shoulder and drew her to him so that her head was on his shoulder. "He'll be alright," he assured her. "He just needs some time."

There was a moment's silence, and then, "Ron?" Hermione's voice cracked as she spoke his name.

"Hm?"

Silence again. Ron squeezed her tighter as he felt hot tears against his shirt. It wasn't unusual for these moments to end in tears, for one reason or another. They'd both had their fair share of crying over the past week and a half. He'd lost count of the number of times she'd been there for him, especially after the first few days when the memories of Fred haunted him most clearly. They still did, but he'd managed to get them under control for the most part. Though, he was dreading the funeral.

"Hey."

Hermione lifted her head at the sudden voice appearing at Ron's bedroom door. It was Bill, looking at them both with defeat. "You two better come down soon, otherwise Mum'll send a search party. She wants to start dinner, and Dad is fighting her…"

"Mum wants to cook?" Ron asked.

Bill nodded. "She's insisting. Ginny is really giving it to her, but she's refusing to listen." He smiled slightly. "I guess it's good to see some of the old fight back, eh?"

Hermione pulled away, wiping the tears from her face. "We should go and help," she sniffed.

Ron nodded, and they both climbed off his bed. Hermione left ahead of them, walking past Bill as if slightly embarrassed that he'd seen her cry. Ron went to follow, but Bill stopped him by clasping a hand on his shoulder.

"You alright? Dad mentioned what happened with Harry today."

Ron nodded. "Yeah. I think a part of me knew it was coming. He's been one moment away from an explosion all week. We've just got to give him some time."

Bill nodded, squeezing his shoulder. "Let me know if you need anything."

"Thanks," Ron said.

Bill let Ron go past, following him down the stairs without speaking. Everyone was in the kitchen, Ginny arguing with Molly.

"We told you, Mum! You're not doing anything. The rest of us have got this. Look —" she threw a hand in Ron's direction, "— Ron's here now. An extra pair of hands, an extra wand! We'll have dinner ready in no time."

"Come on, Mum," Bill said, gently placing his hands on Molly's shaking shoulders. "Let's go and sit down." He slowly guided her from the kitchen and into the living room.

After she was gone, Ginny rounded on Ron. "Your appearance a little earlier might have been beneficial, you know." Her eyes flickered to Hermione, softening when they saw her tear-stained face. She looked away. "Sorry," she mumbled.

"It's alright," Ron said. "We're here now. Where do you want us to start?"

It had become the norm for all the children to prepare the meals each night, with some help from Arthur occasionally. It was the least they could do to make things easier, but since their mother had decided to venture from her room, insisting that they could handle it had become increasingly harder. Ron suspected she wished to busy herself by cooking for her large, yet broken family.

Tonight's preparation was sullen. Even the occasional laughter that had occurred other nights was gone. Ginny's mood was dark, her hurt at Harry's disappearance obvious. Like Ron and Hermione, she'd chosen not to share her relationship with Harry to her mother. If that was what it even was. Harry had pushed most of them away, including Ginny, and had snapped at all of them more than once in the last few days.

Dinner was even quieter, with no one speaking apart from asking someone else to pass a bowl over. Ginny, who had been the most cheerful of the bunch, said nothing at all and barely touched her food. Molly watched her with concern, but said nothing, perhaps understanding why her daughter was so upset. There was an emptiness around the table, one that could only be filled by Harry's reappearance — and, Ron thought, George's. Both were as much part of the family as the other, but neither wished to see anyone.

Hermione helped Bill and Charlie clear the dishes and do the washing up, while everyone else moved into the living room. Ron sat on a conjured two-seater couch that really needed a good clean, saving the second spot for Hermione when she returned.

A small chatter started around the fireplace, with Percy talking of how the Ministry was looking to get things back to normal in the coming weeks.

"Something needs to be done," he said to Ron. "In this time, people need leadership and we currently have none." He then lowered his voice so that only Ron would hear the next part. "Between you and me, the talk is that Kingsley Shacklebolt will be appointed the next Minister for Magic."

This surprised Ron, and yet, it didn't at the same time. He looked at his brother. Percy had become somewhat more enjoyable to be around since the end of the war. Ron didn't think they'd be best friends any time soon, but at least he didn't get the urge to roll his eyes everytime Percy opened his mouth any more. He was Ron's brother, after all, and finally, Ron was able to see him as such.

"That's a good choice, don't you think?" he said.

Percy gave a curt nod. "Yes, I think so."

Hermione, Bill, and Charlie came in after that, and Ron shuffled over so that Hermione could sit next to him. Instinctively, he reached for her hand, but she jolted it away and nodded her head in his mother's direction.

He flushed, his face turning even redder when he saw that his mother was watching the two of them, her eyes narrowed.

"Great," Ron muttered to Hermione, "now she probably thinks you're rejecting my advances, or something."

"Wouldn't that please her?" Hermione asked.

"I don't think either way would please her."

Slowly but surely, people began drifting off to bed. Bill left via Floo for his home — as he did every night — while Charlie and Percy headed upstairs to their respective bedrooms.

When Ginny announced she was going to bed fifteen minutes later, Molly's eyes flashed to Hermione. "I suppose you'll be wanting to go to bed too, dear, so as not to wake Ginny?"

Hermione jumped, her cheeks reddening from the brashness of Molly's voice.

"It's fine, Mum," Ginny said. "I'll be fine."

"But, you don't want to wake her, do you Hermione, dear?"

Hermione had not spent a single night in Ginny's room since being there, just like Harry hadn't spent any in Ron's — an arrangement all four had been happy with. Ron had a sneaking suspicion that something had finally clicked with his mum, because she was now watching Ron as if waiting for him to react.

"Right," Hermione said. "I-I'll go, too. Goodnight, Mr and Mrs Weasley. Ron."

"Er, night, Hermione," Ron said. "See you in the morning."

After Hermione and Ginny had disappeared, a silence fell over the living room. Ron could only stand it for a few moments before he jumped to his feet and said goodnight, too.

Taking the stairs two at a time, he was disappointed to find Hermione not waiting for him in his room. He knew it had only been ten days, but the thought of falling asleep without her suddenly made him feel lonely. He'd become accustomed to her presence, her smell, sleeping with his arms around her, and waking to find her cuddled up against him in the mornings. It was a feeling he had hoped would last longer; forever, if he dared think it.

Unable to help but feel angry with his mother, he changed into his pyjamas and climbed under the covers. It was cold, and he had far too much space in his magically extended bed.

He tossed and turned for what felt like hours, and just as he was finally drifting off to sleep, he was woken by soft, warm lips against his cheek.

"Hermione?" he mumbled, making out her figure in the dark.

"Who else would it be?" Hermione asked, pulling back the covers and falling in beside him. "Ginny figured your mum would come and check to make sure I really was there — I think she suspects I've not been sleeping in the spare bed — so we had to wait."

"Did she?" Ron asked, rolling over and wrapping her in his arms. Instant warmth washed over him, and he buried his face into her hair.

"Yes."

"I'm glad you're here now." He kissed her shoulder and held her even tighter.

"Ron?"

"Mm?"

"What I wanted to say before, when I… couldn't…"

Ron loosened his hold on her, and she rolled over so she was facing him. He reached for his wand and lit it. He'd not realised she'd wanted to say anything before. "What is it?" he asked.

Under the wandlight, he saw her smile. "I wanted to say that I… love you."

The wand slipped from Ron's hand. He scrambled to find it from within the tangle of covers and relit it. "You… do?" In the mess that was the aftermath of war, it only occurred to Ron now that despite his intense feelings and love for her, he'd not actually said those words out loud. He'd thought them — every moment of every day — but he supposed his brain had been so convinced that she knew how he felt, that he had just assumed it was something they'd said to one another.

"Yes," Hermione said, her face practically glowing in the dim light.

"Oh, geez, I didn't even realise —"

"It's okay, Ron. I don't mean to rush you. I just wanted to tell you." She sounded so calm, so pleased with herself.

"What? Rush me? Oh, God, Hermione, I love you a ridiculous amount it's not even funny. I thought I told you that? Why have I never told you that?"

"Preoccupied?" Hermione suggested heartfully. "With a war, with losing our friends…"

Ron kissed her hard on the mouth, to which she responded enthusiastically. He felt her heart beating furiously against his chest, she was that close to him. The kiss deepened — by her, not him — and Ron became suddenly aware of every part of her. Her hands, in particular, had become rather adventurous, running along his arms, his chest, trailing further down... (Merlin, she was enthusiastic)... and then it hit him. He understood. And his bloody nerves got the better of him.

He pulled away, staring at her, the wand still in his hand. She stared back, her cheeks flushed, her breathing heavy, clearly determined to not feel embarrassed by her advancement.

Ron, however, didn't know what to do. Like forgetting to actually tell Hermione how he felt, anything other than holding her at night had not been a priority for him. He loved her deeply, he sought her comfort, but the grief still lingered and he'd not even contemplated taking their relationship further. Well, it had crossed his mind, but not as a serious thought. Not until after the funerals…

But now that it had been presented to him, even if she hadn't said the words directly, it seemed highly appealing.

"Have you, er, been thinking about this?" he asked, pulling completely away from her and sitting up in the bed.

"It's not something that spontaneously popped into my mind, if that's what you mean," Hermione said. For the first time, her voice sounded flat. "Sorry if I scared you. I just thought… I should probably have asked. Do you want to?"

"Yes!" Ron said, a little too quickly. He blushed, but then noticing the smile on her face he added, "Merlin, yes. I love you. I want to. You just caught me completely by surprise. That's all."

"Sorry." Hermione also sat up, facing him. "Perhaps I was a little too forward."

"No, no," Ron said. "I liked that." He grinned, albeit awkwardly. It didn't stop his body from tingling all over, though. A seed had firmly been planted in his mind now, and it was a good seed. A fantastic one.

"Just not tonight?" Hermione guessed.

Truthfully, as much as the idea thrilled him, it terrified him just the same. He was more than happy to kiss her, to hold her hand, but the concept of sex was something different. The insecurities he felt about being so intimate washed over him, just like they had done when Lavender had asked the same of him all those months ago.

The only difference this time was that he genuinely liked Hermione a whole lot more...

Taking his silence for hesitation, Hermione said, "I'm sorry, Ron. I didn't mean to —"

"Don't be," Ron said, reaching out and running a hand along her exposed arm. "You just made me start thinking."

"About?"

He watched her, his heart beating rapidly as he did. She was just incredible. Amazing. She was perfect, and there she was, scarred as much as him from the war, but wanting him. Ron. She loved him.

"Not tonight," he said, shaking his head. "But tomorrow? As nice as it was, you throwing yourself at me isn't exactly how I imagined it to go… not for the first time."

She smiled and nodded. "Okay," she said, and she crawled slightly forward on the bed and kissed him. He wrapped his arms around her, now realising how much he wanted her back, how much he wanted to be with her. Now, he had to exercise a whole lot of control because her touch set his skin on fire.

"Hm," he chuckled, pushing her away.

"What?" Hermione asked.

"Maybe we should… take a break," he said, uncomfortably.

"Why? Oh," Hermione flushed, seeing Ron's own red cheeks. She climbed off him. "Right. Sorry." She laid back down on the bed with Ron beside her, though he dared not touch her again just yet.

As he drifted off to sleep, his mind trailed to tomorrow night, and despite his heart pounding in his chest, and his sudden sweaty palms, it couldn't come quick enough.

His last thought before falling asleep was of Hermione, and how he simply could not control just how much he loved her.

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And there is the first chapter of who knows how many! I hope you enjoyed, and remember, if you'd like some extra content, or just to interact, please follow the Insta (no spaces) 'whenihaveyou . romione'

This will also be published on ao3 (under FireTheCanon) and Tumblr (handle is 'whenihaveyouromione').

A MAJOR, HUGE, MASSIVE thank you to Autumn (insertcleverandwittytitlehere) who has graciously offered to beta this for me. Your feedback and help has already been AMAZING, along with your encouragement. THANK YOU.

#ronandhermione #romione #romionefanfiction #romionefanfic #ronxhermione #hermionexron #ronandhermionefanfiction #harrypotterfanfiction #harrypotter #ronweasley #hermionegranger #hermioneandron #hermioneandronfanfiction

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heresathreebee · 3 years

Text

Garrote part 12

[Starz Power Diego Jimenez X Jazmine Mann (Black!OC)]

Summary: Healy and the Jimenez’ are gearing up for war. Jazmine’s getting antsy waiting for something to go horribly wrong. Previous Masterlist Next

Rating/Warning(s): Mature (+18 or I call the police). post-coitus fluff, swearing, anxiety, time skip, canon typical violence (I think...?), all plot, gringo using google translate Spanish and half remembered high school classes (sorry in advance), mentions of grooming/pedophilia (don’t worry, Porsche’s OK)

Word count: 2.2k words

Author’s Note(s): yeah so I wrote this back in December and just didn’t have the heart to put it out. I wanted to try and finish the other chapters (thinking I’m gonna wrap up at seventeen chapters) and I couldn’t. I have a problem with finishing anything I start, it never feels strong enough. I’m gonna try not to let that stop me though, promise.

Waking up in Diego’s arms, Jazmine never expected to feel so calm. Truth be told she didn't really wake up, but drifted in and out of sweet harmonious consciousness to find Diego, whether he was cradling her or sitting up or rubbing her back. She finally managed to convince herself to get out of bed and by then it was already 2 in the afternoon. Diego had his pants and shoes back on but nothing else, so she relaxed a little.

"You need to eat," he whispered, "come on, get dressed."

Jazmine blinked slowly. "I need a shower. Maybe a wheelchair, too."

She didn't miss the proud smirk that suddenly graced his handsome features. As he put on his shirt, Jazmine glanced past him at the open door of the closet. It was empty inside save for a few hangers, but it left a bad taste in her mouth and a lump in her throat. Diego followed her line of sight and said nothing. He let her shower, never more than five feet away (which is exactly how far the shower curtain is to the bathroom door). They ate somewhere family friendly, a pancake house she barely remembered the name of. Her legs still suffered from tremors and her pelvic region ached, but they were good feelings and she tried to make them last as they put a smile on her face.

It's been about a week and Jazmine has seen neither hide nor hair of Haagen and it's starting to worry her.

The only relief she had been able to accrue these past few days had been Healy's announcement that they had made a huge connection and were in the process of setting up task forces to take Haagen down. Alicia was confident that Haagen knew nothing and was continuing on with business as usual (or so she heard through the grapevine), and even Diego seemed to be relaxed about it.

That was another thing that bothered her. Diego, relaxed. Diego doing more hands on business and clubbing at all hours of the night. He'd barely said two words to her after coming to the rescue and fucking her silly in front of Haagen.

Sitting alone in the penthouse, Jazmine scratched at every itch and tugged on every baby hair like her skin was diseased. She didn't want to go outside, she was too afraid of Haagen's next move. She had been texting her mother regularly again just so she wouldn't call and have to explain why she sounded so nervous. It would have taken LaShawn all of ten seconds to realize something was wrong: so why couldn't anybody else see it?

Maybe she was overreacting. Jazmine drew a hot bath in the jacuzzi sized tub and turned the jets on, finding bubble bath solution and a pink rubber ducky to cradle. The bathroom had a dimmer switch she turned down to near zero and let silky smooth R&B from the 90's wash her worries away. Her fingers worked to squeeze the ducky like a stress ball, and a traitorous part of her brain whispered longing thoughts.

I wish Diego was here to massage my back.

She shushed her thoughts: at least the bath is perfectly hot.

She washed her body and spent the better part of the day deep conditioning her hair and shaving her legs just for the hell of it. The music never stopped, it simply rolled from R&B to classic rock and then back again. Miguel checked in only to make sure she ate, and Jazmine managed to convince him to eat with her and play a co-op mobile game for a few hours. She plucked at the listening device in her ear for the thousandth time and decided to just call Healy.

"Hey can't talk right now," were all the words she got out of him on the second call and then an immediate hang up.

Jazmine growled and crossed her arms, suddenly reminded she was still wearing nothing but a bathrobe. She slipped into a pair of jeans and a tank top, and feeling bold, she marched up to Diego’s room and swiped a black button down that smelled like him. She tucked it unbuttoned into her pants and swanned up to the penthouse roof with a bottle of wine and one glass.

She knew she would miss this level of extravagance. Never worrying about paying for rent or for food or selling her time and labor for someone else and next to nothing pay. Jazmine wondered what Diego would say to becoming her sugar daddy after this whole human trafficking business was over, but shook her head and topped her drink off.

Probably overstayed my welcome, she thinks, that’s why Diego’s been distant lately.

Jazmine was unnaturally quiet on her end, though Healy recognized the tinkling sound of bottle to glass. Probably on her fourth drink if he was counting correctly. No matter– she was safe for now at Diego’s penthouse suite and there were more pressing matters to attend to at the moment. Brasa was leaning over each and every agent sat in the boardroom as if to intimidate them into obeying her every command. She was a good detective, really she was, she just needed to work on trusting the people who trusted her. Her partner Holbrooke was no help at all– selective mutism was a nasty habit to overcome. Brasa had not breathed a word of thanks in Healy’s direction, but he had expected that. This wasn’t about the praise– it was about justice.

When he could finally break away for coffee and a piss, he sent a text to Alicia. No doubt los hermanos Jimenez would be thrilled with the intel– but what would happen next?

The safest place for Jazmine right now is Diego’s place, he thought, but for how much longer?

An address and a transcribed photograph of the documents they came from. Healy had told them that the most likely scenario for Porsche’s whereabouts was ‘adoption’ by people who did not want any adoption documents to surface later on. The family probably has prestige, they may have lost a child recently and are looking to replace it like a goldfish and hope no one notices.

It didn’t stop Diego’s trigger finger from inching closer and closer to his gun at every small pump of the breaks.

“Tranquil, hermano,” Alicia soothed. “We’re almost there. We can kill them after we get la pequena back.”

Diego sniffed and hopped out of the car as soon as it finally parked. Alicia was right behind him, checking her peripherals on the well lit streets of this upscale neighborhood. It was them two and one guard each, a second car bearing two underlings coming in from the back door and four cars with heavily armed back up around the corner in case things went south. Brother and sister climbed the porch steps idly, slipping their guns back into their hidey spots before knocking on the front door…

“Fuck.”

Jazmine’s phone battery flashed at 3%. She didn’t remember finishing the bottle, but she did really have to pee so she stood up from the pool’s edge to relieve herself. Miguel was asleep on the white leather couches in the living room, mouth open and drooling with his gun on the table. The woman’s steps were a little unsteady and her vision came in waves, but she felt that fuzzy warm buzz and decided she had better not drive.

She shook the young man awake with a sigh. “Hey, I left something at my apartment. Can you drive me?”

Miguel pursed his lips. “I don’t think jefe would want–”

“Please,” she said, “it’s important.”

Miguel relented, swiping the keys to a Ferrari from the rack by the elevator and handed Jazmine her coat. Just a few more items she couldn't live without. The way Miguel drove meant they were there in no time at all, and every light they passed by in the dark somehow made Jazmine feel lighter, less jittery and anxious. She had Miguel drop her off by the backside of the apartment and climbed the steps alone after insisting she would only be a minute. All of her doors and windows were locked, the place looked exactly as she had left it.

“Thank god.”

She had to search for her charger, a sparkly teal thing with a cat and an alligator charm on it. She found it hiding under her bed, then found her way into the bathroom to check on her face in the mirror. Jazmine fingered the black hickeys on her neck, smiling to herself. She caught sight of something white hanging out of the trash and dug it out: her Chicago shirt. Stuffing it into her back pocket next to her phone charger, Jazmine took one last look at her apartment and blew a kiss to it.

“Bye,” she whispered, peaking into the dark and lingering on the memories she was about to leave behind forever until finally the lock clicked into place. Oh shit, this was the wrong door. Miguel was waiting out back–

Pop-pop-pop

Gunshots rang out from behind the building, the returning fire was short and stilted, overwhelmed by the repetition of an automatic. Jazmine took to the stairs at the far side of the building and ran down them wishing she was in something other than slippers. Her heart began to pound in her chest and her breath billowed in heavy clouds before disappearing. The second she stepped off of the last stair, she tripped. Her flimsy footwear slid on the thin layer of ice and she fell, her eyes and ears following the clink clink plop noise of her phone literally going down a storm drain.

She barely had time to scramble back to her feet before she heard tires come screeching around the corner down the street and she stumbled into a run.

Jazmine wasn’t sure how far she’d gone, and she can’t recall how many streets she turned on, or even if she was being chased at all. Every sound made her jump, and every car coming her way made her anxious. Her lungs burned for air as she finally collapsed against the window of a minimart. There were tears streaming down her cheeks as she pushed the door open to hide among the tiny rows of snacks and gum and cigarettes and refrigerated beverages. The store owner was wearing headphones and didn't bother looking up. Deep breath in. Exhausted, shaking breath out. Jazmine curled tightly around herself to try and calm down before her heart exploded in her chest.

Alicia and Diego have the father on his knees and bloodied. His wife and children are being held upstairs in one of the bedrooms, terrified. Diego wipes at a small spot of blood from his sister's face.

"Donde esta el bebe?," Diego said, grasping the man's ear and dragging his head back to look at him. "I won't ask you again."

"What baby?" The man coughed dryly, his eyes nearly swollen shut but still glimmering in fear. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Alicia kneeled down in her white pantsuit. "The baby you bought from Jeremy Haagen, Mr. Fletcher. A beautiful little girl with dusky hair and big brown eyes. A baby that belongs to us."

Fletcher squirms under the murderous gaze of los hermanos Jimenez but doesn’t break.

“You know, Diego,” Alicia said leaning on her brother’s shoulder, “I didn’t see a fourth bedroom.”

Diego pursed his lips. “So?”

“So the contract specified a room for our mariposa, and he already has two children. Where’s the other room?” Alicia’s heels clicked as the gear turned in Diego’s head. “I bet la senorita Fletcher might know.”

“No, please,” he begged, “leave my wife out of this– she’s got nothing to do with this!”

“So you do know what we’re talking about,” Diego’s aha motion garnered a vague threat with the point of his gun– gold plated, of course. Emeralds in the hilt this time.

“Secretly adopting a baby girl,” Alicia tsked, kneeling before Fletcher and brandishing a knife, “when you have two perfectly healthy girls of your own? Ay dios mio, what’s the matter? Three’s your lucky number, but your wife doesn’t put out anymore?”

Fletcher stumbled hard over his words and made next to no sense. One thing that did make it clear through the haze of nonsense struck a nerve with the Jimenezes: “I didn’t know she’d be that young!”

Alicia exchanged a queasy look with her brother. She had heard of it before: grooming. Usually starts when a girl is anywhere between nine and eighteen. Fletcher continued to ramble, about hiring a nanny and raising the baby anyway since Haagen didn’t do resales. He was probably just trying to get the baby off his hands…

Before Diego could pull the trigger, his phone rang. So did Alicia’s, both projecting the same number from a burner phone and three emojis to designate the caller: Healy. Alicia answered for Diego, jerking her head towards the door and mouthing, ‘I’ll take care of it from here.’ Diego reluctantly slipped outside, glaring at the nosy neighbors in the window who disappeared in a flash. He put the phone to his ear just in time to hear:

“– I need you to get to Nassau now: Jazmine’s in trouble.”

@mental-bycatch @kid-from-new-zealand @1zashreena1 @girlpornparadise @nicke0115 let me know if I missed anybody, I’m sorry it’s been so long

#Diego Jimenez #diego jimenez x oc #three bees writing #Garrote #🐝🐝🐝✒#Starz Power #angst

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alexa-crowe · 3 years

Note

#3 for the ficlet ask! :D

ty!! #3: Mulder sketching Scully from memory and putting it up in the office.

Mulder is, by no means, an artist. He doodles in the margins of his notes when he can’t focus—always has—and sketches the occasional drawing. That’s all. It ramped up after Samantha’s abduction, where he’d just sit in his room and zone out with a pencil and Hanukkah-gifted sketchbook and come back to himself with a mediocre drawing. In the art classes he was forced to take in school, the teachers would always tell him he had talent, but being the moody angst- and guilt-ridden teenaged Fox Mulder he was back then, he’d taken none of it to heart.

He’d had a bit of a shift in college, when he’d found law enforcement. Fox William Mulder wasn’t one for enforcing laws, but the concept of being able to protect people appealed to him—it was that same reason he’d stayed overnight at the burnt husk of his friend’s house down the street from his mother’s house as a senior in high school. Nick had been his only friend at that stage—the only one who’d known what it was like to live through the crushing aftermath of losing a loved one.

Post-graduation had found him leaving what grief he’d managed to bury as well as his first real girlfriend behind at Oxford. Post-FBI academy had found him in the opposite situation—a new girlfriend who shared some of his well-developed opinions concerning extraterrestrial life forms. “The Spookies,” they were called.

Mulder paid it no mind, and neither did Diana, used to derogatory terms as a headstrong woman. That was what drew him to her in the first place. She commanded attention, much like Phoebe, but with less of her own baggage hefted onto his shoulders. Things were going well for him for the first time in a long time. Work in the VCU was taxing, but he was saving people and had another sketchbook lying around for the nights that he couldn’t bury himself with Diana.

And then they found the X-Files.

The 90s brought change—the sort of change that makes you think the new decade will be a good one up until you walk into work and find your girlfriend waiting to give you the news that she’s moving to a different department in a different field office. “Does our relationship mean nothing to you?” he asked in the private of the newly-cleaned basement office he’d claimed.

“It means everything to me, and that’s part of why I’m leaving. I won’t watch you be consumed by the X-Files. Not everything in your life is about Samantha, Fox.” With nothing more to say, she’d left him to parse through the files stuffed into a basement office by himself.

And, credit where it’s due, looking back at where he started he’s come far. But, at the moment, he’s not thinking about his previous partners-in-crime anymore. He’s thinking about his current partner-in-crime. Another redhead, another headstrong woman. Dana Scully is at once an amalgamation of all the women (and occasional men) he’s fallen for and her own person. She’s everything he could ever want in a partner and nothing like what he’d imagined. Having studied psychology, he assumed that he’d fall for a leggy brunette and end up with her—bonus points for curly hair like Samantha’s was.

But no. Who could’ve predicted that he’d find someone whose glare could instill him with guilt in a millisecond, just like Samantha? Who could’ve known that she’d follow him to the ends of the Earth and back because she cares that much about “Spooky” Fox Mulder, disgrace to the FBI? Who could’ve known that he’d be driven away from his accumulated collection of videotapes, books, and TV channels to his old sketchbook all because he was smitten (whipped, infatuated, beguiled, enamored, besotted, enraptured, etc.) with Scully?

He doesn’t draw an object or pull up a picture. He doesn’t doodle on the fresh page he’s turned to. He fiddles with the pencil he’s found once, twice, and then starts sketching. He doesn’t stop until it’s finished.

The Next Day

When she walks into the office, Scully notices that something’s different. There’s something new, and it’s not the note on Mulder’s desk—that’s a post-it saying he’s gone to grab coffee for them before they start on their reports. She walks around to the other side of his desk, and just when she’s about to pull out the chair, that’s when Scully notices it: in an inconspicuous spot below Mulder’s “I Want to Believe” poster is a beautiful sketch of a woman. Leaning down to examine it, she realizes that it’s of her—and he’s even been so kind as to claim it with his signature in the bottom right corner.

“Hey, Scully,” Mulder greets, his voice soft.

She quickly stands up, taking her cup of coffee from his outstretched hand. “You made it?” Scully asks, her voice a higher pitch than she was aiming for.

“Yes.” He smiles and sits down on one of the guest chairs, leaving the comfortable swivel one to her. “I wanted to commemorate you.” She blushes intensely, hiding behind her coffee as she situates herself. “You deserve it.”

“Thank you, Mulder,” she manages. “It’s beautiful.”

“Just like you,” she swears she hears, but starts on her work instead of lingering. Mulder thinks I’m beautiful, rattles around in her head for the rest of the day.

#txf #fanfiction #these keep getting more and more unwieldy lol #ask #aluvian #mine

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cpd5021 · 4 years

Text

The Thing That Works...

Hailey and Jay take on a case that affects them both, bringing up things from their past. This will be a two-shot (probably). Let me know what you think!

Jay sighed down at his phone when, for the second time, his call to Hailey went unanswered. It wasn’t like her to not pick up, especially a call from him, but then again it was supposed to be their day off. The team had spent the last two weeks working a grueling case so Voight had shown them mercy and given the two detectives the day off. It all sounded good in theory until Kevin and Vanessa had caught a case, resulting in the whole unit being called in. Vanessa had called him, apologizing when his gruffly voice told her she had woke him, and gave him a quick rundown of the case. She mentioned texting Hailey, but that she hadn’t gotten a reply yet and Jay told her not to worry, that he would get a hold of her. That was twenty minutes ago and now Jay sat in his truck, parked outside of her condo, staring at a blank screen. Maybe she was still asleep. He sighed again and shut his truck off, jumping out and making his way to her door. A mix of confusion and entertainment crossed his face when, as he approached her front door, he could hear music blaring inside. He chuckled to himself, not really pegging Hailey as a 90′s classic kind of gal. Jay knocked and when he realized she’d never hear him over the music, he hesitantly rang the doorbell. He listened as the music was turned down and could see movement behind the frosted window of her door. Suddenly, she was in front of him. A range of emotions flashed across her face, going from surprise, to a huge smile, and then what looked like mild embarrassment. Jay inhaled sharply as he took in the sight of his partner before him. Before he could stop himself, his eyes traveled down her body, which was glistening with sweat. He hadn’t really seen her in anything other than her usual jeans and a T-shirt or sweater, unless you count that one time she was quarantined in a hospital gown. But her currant attire had her body on full display. His eyes quickly roamed from her chest, covered in nothing but a tight black sports bra, down her sculpted abs and to her toned legs showing out of her small athletic shorts. His eyes met hers finally, his eyebrows raised in appreciation, his lower lip clenched between his teeth. He swallowed hard as he felt his face burn bright red, realizing that not only had he just totally checked his partner out but that he had done so in such an obvious way that there was no way he could back track it. He gave her a sheepish grin as he took in her face, a pink blush spreading across her cheeks that he hoped was from whatever she had been doing and not his blatant staring.

“Did we catch a case?” Hailey asked finally, clearing her throat to get his attention.

“Huh? Uh, yea...unfortunately.” He tried to play it cool but his voice came out huskier than he intended.

“Okay...” She trailed off slowly. “I’ll be ready in just a minute, I just need to grab a quick shower after working out.” She hesitated in the doorway for a moment before stepping aside and motioning for him to come in. Jay ducked his head down sheepishly as he entered her home, suddenly the air around him felt thick and he was struggling to focus with the new tension between them. “You can hang on the couch..or in the kitchen...I’ll be right back.” Hailey stammered the words out before turning to dart up the stairs. He risked a glance at her retreating figure and the sight of her toned behind did nothing to help his case. With another sigh, he rubbed his face and walked towards her kitchen. He sat down on her bar stool, taking in the space around him. He had been here many times before, but this was the first time he really took it in, trying to distract himself from the other thoughts floating around his head. The room was neat and tidy, save for a few empty beer bottles perched by her sink. The decor was light and simple, a contrast to her as a person, anything but simple. He jumped slightly when he heard her jogging back down the stairs and joining him in the kitchen. Now she stood before him, wearing her usual jeans and a cream colored sweater, her wet hair draping around her face and he found himself swallowing hard again. If she noticed his look this time, she chose to ignore it, instead walked around him to head towards her coffee maker on the counter.

“Want a cup?” She asked, back turned to him as she pulled a travel mug out of the cupboard. He found himself lost for words as the smell of her shampoo assaulted his nose when she had walked by. He always knew she smelled good, but that was the first time he had caught a whiff fresh out of the shower. He shook his head briefly as his mind started to wander again. Blinking a few times he realized she had turned to face him, waiting for an answer.

“Hmm, uh...yea...sure...please.” He stammered out his words, giving her a sheepish grin. Get a grip Halstead, he thought to himself.

Somehow, he managed to make it through the last few minutes and they were finally in his truck. He filled her in on the little he knew of their case as they drove to the precinct and found himself happy for the distraction. He couldn’t get the smell of her shampoo out of his mind, so it was either new or he just hadn’t been paying attention previously. Either way, it was his new favorite scent. They joined the others in the bullpen, Hailey giving Vanessa a quick smile as they were the last ones to arrive, Jay watched as the two exchanged an odd look, almost like a silent conversation between the two women, but his attention was quickly pulled away by Kevin starting to go over the case.

“Alright so, V and I were called in by patrol this morning. They were sent to a house for possible shots fired. When they made entry, they found mom and two kids shot dead. There’s a third kid, the youngest, who is in surgery at Med right now but it doesn’t look good. The husband/father is in the wind.” Kevin finished, pointing to a photo on the board showing a man in his thirties, dark hair cut close to his scalp and a scar on his left cheek.

“With all due respect, this sounds like a case for Homicide. Why’d we take it?” Hailey asked, taking a sip of her coffee.

“Because,” Voights gravelly voice came from his spot in his office doorway. “They were shot with a military grade assault rifle and the husband was dishonorably discharged six months ago.”

“Neighbors told patrol the couple was always fighting and he has PTSD from his time in.” Adam piped up from his desk where he was going through the traffic cameras from that area. Jay clenched his jaw then, fighting back his own military memories and his struggle with PTSD. He noticed Voight eyeing him from across the room, but diverted his eyes to find Hailey’s. Not surprisingly, she took was assessing the shift in his mood, knowing almost the full extent of what he had gone through.

“So right now, husband is our number one suspect. And we have no idea where he is.” Kim said, filling the sudden awkward silence.

“We’ll head to Med, see if we can get an update on the boy. Keep us posted.” Hailey stood from her desk and headed down the stairs, Jay close behind. Once settled in his truck, she turned to face him, her eyes trying to meet his while he actively tried to ignore her.

“Jay? You good?” Hailey pushed and he knew he wouldn’t be able to get away from this.

“Yea, I’m okay Hailey.” Jay started the truck and sped them out of the lot.

“You’re lying.” It wasn’t a question, but a firm statement.

“No, I....look a few years ago this case would have really got to me. And it definitely crossed my mind up there. But I’m good, promise.” Jay turned to give her a reassuring smile and he could tell it calmed her nerves. He wasn’t lying either and was finding himself all the more grateful that she had pushed him into therapy all those years ago.

At the hospital, they met with Will, who also eyed Jay at the mention of the ex-military husband. He told them the boy was out of surgery but that he was still in critical condition and it wasn’t looking promising. It would be a few hours before they would be able to talk to him, if he even woke up. Next, they decided to head back to the house and see if they could dig up anything that had been missed earlier. As they entered the home, patrol still perched outside, they slowly walked around the living room. Hailey picked up a picture frame, showcasing the supposedly happy family. Mom, dad, two sons and a daughter. Hailey couldn’t help but see her own family in the picture and wondered what was really going on behind their closed doors.

“Hey check this out.” Jay’s voice drew her back to the present, she set the frame down before making her way over to him. He pointed at the wall which appeared to have been recently patched, one spots paint not matching the surrounding area. “What do you think happened here?”

“Someone punched a wall.” Hailey shrugged, trying to shake off childhood memories.

“Yea?” Jay asked, puzzled by her confident answer.

“Perfect circle, this was a fist meeting drywall.” Hailey’s eyes were dark and he could tell she was somewhere far away. He debated questioning her on it, but decided it would be better to let it go for now. They searched the rest of the house but it came up clean, nothing indicating what might have caused the husband to attack or leave the family as a target for an outside attack. They walked back to the truck, feet dragging slightly at their empty-handedness from the house, when Jay’s phone rang.

“Hey Will, what’s up?” He shot Hailey a look and picked up his pace towards the truck. She got the hint and jogged right behind him. “Okay, we’ll be right there.” Jay hung up the phone as he climbed into the drivers seat.

Once at Med, the duo quickly made their way to the nurses station, meeting Will for another update. He informed them that the boy, Jackson, was awake but still pretty out of it. He warned them not to push the boy and that they needed to be quick, they both gave Will an understanding nod before heading towards the room. Hailey swallowed hard at the sight of the small body laying in the hospital bed, tubes coming from every direction and beeping machines all around. Her eyes met his and she could see the terror within. Hailey walked over to the bedside, pulling up the chair and giving the boy a warm smile. Jay leaned back against the counter and let her take point.

“Hey Jackson, my name is Hailey and this in my partner Jay.” She nodded in Jay’s direction and he gave the boy a small smile. “Do you mind if we ask you some questions?”

“Who are you?” His impossibly small voice asked, glancing between the two.

“We’re police officers and we just want to talk to you about what happened.” Hailey was trying to tread carefully and not upset the boy. She knew from his file that he was only seven so she wanted to keep this conversation as light as possible.

“Mommy’s dead.” His stated, brow furrowing. His blunt statement threw Hailey for a loop and she fought to quickly recover.

“Yes.” She nodded, somewhat unsure of whether that was a question or not.

“And my brother and sister.” The boy’s face remained eerily calm while he talked.

“Yes.” Hailey nodded again, wanting to see where he would go with this.

“Daddy’s gone. He was angry.” Jackson met her eyes then and in them she saw herself, as a child, uttering the same words. Daddy’s angry. She felt her eyes burn and blinked quickly to fight back the tears threatening to form. Jay picked up on her shift in mood but remained behind her, letting this play out.

“Why was he angry?” Hailey asked softly, hating how thick her voice sounded right now.

“He’s always angry.” Jackson shrugged, sending another wave of emotion through Hailey.

“Do you know what happened to your mommy and your brother and sister?” Hailey pressed gently.

“Daddy was angry.” His eyes gazed into the distance and Hailey could tell he was shutting down, still she tried to gather some more information.

“Did your daddy hurt them, today?” Her words were a whisper.

“Yes.” Jackson still looked away from her, his face emotionless.

“How?” She wanted to ask for details, to ask if he had shot them, but she knew she couldn’t lead his answers and needed to get him to say it on his own.

“With his gun. And then he left. He was angry.” The boy shrugged again, as if this conversation was the simplest thing in the world and she wasn’t setting here discussing a triple homicide with a seven year old. She swallowed hard again, throat tight with emotion. She had gotten what she needed from him and now they knew the father was their main suspect, which they had figured all along.

“Okay Jackson, we’re going to let you get some sleep now. I’ll come back to visit you if you want.” Hailey stood then, glancing at Jay before giving the boy a warm smile. She turned and they started to make their way out of the room when his small voice sounded out once again.

“Are you going to kill my daddy?” His question froze both of them in their tracks, neither sure how to answer him. Before either could verbalize a response, Jackson continued. “Because you can, he’s a bad man.” Hailey choked back tears and forced a smile on her face before turning to look at him. She wanted to say something to him, to say she knew how he felt, to explain that she had wished someone would hurt her father too and take away her pain. But this wasn’t the time or place for that, so instead she gave him a nod and left the room, Jay hot on her heals. Hailey didn’t stop her brisk walk until they were back at the truck. They climbed in, Jay’s eyes never leaving her face and he assessed where she was at mentally right now. He knew bits and pieces of her past and realized that this case would certainly be bringing some of those memories back to the forefront for her. He was trying to decide how to proceed when she beat him to it.

“I’m fine Jay.” Her words were cool, lacking emotion. He could tell she didn’t want to go there right now and he respected that, hoping they could talk it out later.

“Okay, we’ll head back and see what everyone else has.” He started the truck up and they headed towards the 21st.

Back at the precinct, the mood was somber while everyone sat around feeling somewhat defeated at their lack of leads on this case. Jay had gone over what Jackson had confessed, Adam had given some information on where the father might be hiding, but so far all the options had turned up dry. Kevin and Vanessa were still scouring over traffic camera’s when suddenly she stood from her desk, sending her chair flying backwards.

“I got him!” She exclaimed, pointing excitedly towards her screen. They gathered around her quickly, Voight radioed for patrol to follow him and they scrambled to get geared up and into their vehicles. Luckily, their suspect had decided to spot for something to eat and was still parked outside the small diner just outside the city when they arrived. The team had convened a few blocks away so they could set up the plan, Voight barking out orders and everyone hurrying to get in place. They would wait for him to come out of the diner, not wanting to start something inside with potential victims. Vanessa was sent to walk down the street, acting the part of a regular pedestrian so she could get a peak inside. She radioed that he was about to leave and continued walking around the corner so he wouldn’t be suspicious of her. They watched as he walked out, quickly closing their ranks to surround him, but his military training kicked in and he saw them coming. The man spun around quickly, taking in their approach from all angles as each member marched closer, guns drawn. Jay took the lead, hoping he’d be able to connect with him due to their similar history.

“Hey man, put your hands up. We’re not here to hurt you. We just want to help.” Jay’s voice was loud but had a calm tone to it as he stepped forward.

“That’s what they all say!” The man bellowed, his head twisting frantically as they continued to close in.

“You’re ex-military right? Me too.” Jay stretched both his arms up, gun still in hand but now pointing skyward. “We can talk this through, I can help you.”

“Help me?” The man laughed frantically. “You don’t know what I’ve done.” His voice broke then, his first real show of emotion.

“Yes, I do.” Jay remained calm and collected despite the heated situation.

“They’re gone! All of them! Because of me!” He yelled out, face reddened and eyes watering.

“Not all of them. Jackson is alive, he’s at Med. I can take you there.” The lie fell from Jay’s lips effortlessly. He had no intention of taking this man anywhere near his son but if it would help diffuse the situation he would use it. At Jay’s words though, the man spun to face him, suddenly drawing his own gun and aiming it towards Jay.

“Don’t lie to me!” He bellowed, taking a step towards Jay. Jay knew what he should do, the man could shoot him at any second and he needed to take him out. But he hesitated, thinking of his own PTSD and the time he had pointed a gun at Hailey, not recognizing her in the heat of the moment. He didn’t want to take him out like this, the guy definitely deserved to pay for what he had done but Jay had a hard time pulling the trigger on a fellow military Vet.

“I’m not.” Jay stated, voice still calm. He could feel his team around him, all ready to take the shot and end this scenario. He was hoping it wouldn’t come to that, but he didn’t get the choice to continue talking him down as the man lurched forward towards Jay and in an instant, Jay leveled his gun and took the shot. He watched as the man dropped instantly and blood began to pool underneath him. Adam and Kevin ran over, kicking the gun out of his hand. He watched Kevin kneel down to check for a pulse but he didn’t need the confirmation. A shot to the center of his chest was fatal, almost instantly. Jay holstered his weapon and turned back to face Hailey, standing wide eyed and seemingly frozen in place behind him. He wasn’t sure what she was thinking or if she was even there with him right now, her face impossible to read. While the rest of his team got to work securing the scene, Jay made his way over to her.

“Hailey?” His voice soft, not wanting to spook her.

“He could have shot you.” Her voice trembled slightly and she blinked, bringing herself back into the moment.

“But he didn’t.” Jay stepped closer, placing his hands on her shoulders. This wasn’t what they did, physical contact. It was somehting new. But in this moment he felt it’s what was needed, what she needed, to feel him and know that he was unharmed. They stood like that for a moment, her eyes searching his face, before they both seemed to realize their close proximity. Jay lifted his hands at the same time she took a step back, both giving the other a sheepish grin.

“We should....go help them.” Hailey nodded towards their unit.

“Yea...” He agreed, rubbing his neck awkwardly.

They eventually cleared the scene, Jay spent over an hour talking to the IA officer who had come to investigate the shooting, but finally they were back at the precinct. Hailey was in front of her locker when Jay entered the locker room, she gave him a quick smile before finishing up what she was doing.

“So much for a day off.” She joked lightheartedly but Jay knew better. He knew that this case had affected them both, in different ways, thanks to their respective past lives. He knew this would be a case where they ended up doing ‘their thing’ and he found himself thankful he had her to talk it through with.

“So, my place or yours?” He asked, sitting to untie his work boots. She turned to give him a quizzical look. “Our thing that works, I definitely need it tonight and I’m pretty confident you do too.”

“Oh yeah?” She challenged his last statement with a raised eyebrow.

“Yeah Hailey, I know enough now to know this got to you, at least a little bit.” She dipped her head then, unable to put up an argument because she knew he was right.

“I’ll get the beer if you’ll get the pizza?” She asked, biting her lower lip playfully and scrunching her forehead up in excitement over the thought of her favorite pizza place.

“Make it beer and tequila and we have a deal. I’ll even throw in some bread sticks.” He gave her a cheesy grin then, knowing she would be even more excited now.

“Jay Halstead, you spoil me.” She smiled at him genuinely and then shut her locker door. She gave him another look, he still sat perched on the bench working on a knot in his laces. “Chop chop! I’m hungry!” She teased before walking out of the locker room. Despite his hellish day, Jay couldn’t help the smile plastered to his face as he walked out of the precinct, calling in their pizza order.

#chicago pd #chicago pd fanfiction #halstead and upton #jay halstead #hailey upton #halstead #jay x hailey

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beyondconfessor · 3 years

Text

Principle Decisions [20/?]

Rating: Explicit

Pairing: Zelda Spellman/Lilith

Summary: It’d been a while since she’d waltzed with anyone, she realised. She didn’t mind how it felt, especially when Lilith looked at her with such bright eyes. As if she’d never been so happy.

N.B.: Also posted on AO3. This is pure fantasy, please suspend your disbelief.

Christmas Eve was spent ensuring Sabrina had absolutely everything she needed, before dropping her off at the Walkers, and then Zelda returned home and casually mentioned to Hilda that they would need to set an extra plate for tomorrow’s dinner.

The moment Zelda mentioned that Mary Wardwell had planned on spending Christmas alone, her sister had practically choked up, going on about the poor dear, alone on Christmas! Until Zelda pointed out that she wouldn’t be, and then Hilda had given her a strange look as if she’d been surprised by Zelda’s empathy.

Perhaps empathy wasn’t always obvious in her attempts to look after those she cared about, but she did make an effort.

Lilith arrived around eleven in the morning, which meant that Ambrose was still asleep upstairs and Hilda was working away in the kitchen, midway through meal prep so Zelda was able to press a kiss against Lilith’s lips without anyone seeing, uncaring in how self-indulgent it was. “Hello,” she greeted.

“Hello,” Lilith purred. “Is this where we make some excuse about exploring the house, and you show me your bedroom?”

Zelda laughed. “Later,” she said. “Things to do first. And before you think of yourself a comedian, you’re low on that list for today.”

“I’m sure I could find my way on top.”

Zelda rolled her eyes, helping her set down her bag, and pulling off her jacket to set on the hook. With ease, Zelda laced their fingers together and led her through the house. There was no reason to do it, but for the fact that Lilith’s hand in her own, their fingers laced together, felt comfortable in a way she couldn’t ever remember having with another.

As they came to the dining room, she gave her fingers a squeeze, before dropping her hand as they entered the kitchen.

“Oh!” Hilda greeted as she pulled off her oven mitts, untying her apron to come over and kiss Lilith’s cheek. “Lovely to see you, Mary.”

“Thank you for the invitation.”

“Oh, you’re perfectly welcome. But I can’t take credit––that was all Zelda, so I’m to understand.”

“Indeed,” Lilith said, turning her eyes to Zelda’s. “Quite insistent that I didn’t spend the holiday alone.”

“No, that would have been dreadful. And we have plenty of food to share around,” she said, making her way back to the kitchen to put her apron.

All of the food had been prepped the night before, the ham was well on its way to baking since the early hours of the morning, which left only the finer things like finishing the pie and roasting the vegetables. “You too don’t need to loiter around here, I’m sure there are other things you could be doing.”

Had Zelda not been well familiar with her sister, she would have suspected that Hilda knew something. As it was, she merely raised her eyebrows and led Lilith out of the room.

“And where does that leave us?” Lilith asked.

“Setting the table,” Zelda advised. “Ambrose will likely be down soon.” Showing Lilith where the fine china was set, they removed the plates and cutlery, setting out the table for the four of them, with the good crystal. And then Zelda folded the Christmas cloth napkins into bishops hats.

“Oh, Zelds!” Hilda called from the kitchen, “Why don’t you put some carols on?”

Zelda rolled her eyes. So far, she’d deflected her sister’s attempts to find and dig-up the radio in the kitchen. But it seemed that Hilda was now trying to corner her with Lilith’s presence.

“Not a fan of carols?” Lilith inquired.

“Certainly not,” she said.

“But it is Christmas,” Lilith countered. “Wouldn’t want people to think that you’re a grinch.”

“Hardly. Does it look like a reside in some cave?”

“Oh, my apologies. I should have said a Scrooge.”

“Bah-humbug,” she said flatly, watching as glee shot over Lilith’s face. It was enough to make her smile, a warmth filling her despite the chill that settled in the old house.

“Well, despite your loathing of Christmas, I hope I get to unwrap something later.”

Zelda shot her a warning look, her mouth tilting into a smile. “Careful,” she warned, her voice low so Hilda wouldn’t overhear. “You may be my Queen, but this is my domain.”

“And what happens in your domain, should someone act up?”

“Mm, are you sure you want to find out?”

“Now you’re just teasing.”

Zelda rolled her eyes, heading into the parlour to set up the record player, placing on one of the classic Christmas records that Hilda owned. Familiar songs drew from it, and Zelda couldn’t help but feel her heart lift as she watched as Lilith settled to lean on the arm of a chair, smiling at her with genuine warmth.

At the very least, they were friends. Friends who fucked and engaged in kink, but friends nonetheless.

“Is there something on my face?” Lilith asked. “Or are you just caught in the rapture of my beauty?

Yes, she wanted to answer, but she shook her head instead. “Did you want a drink?”

“What did you have?”

“Hilda’s made apple cider on the stove from an old family recipe. Otherwise, we can open up a bottle of something if you prefer.”

Lilith drew in a deep breath, and her eyes stared at Zelda, awash with delight. “Mm, no, I think I want to keep a clear head. The cider sounds nice,” she agreed.

Zelda hummed, drawing the woman into the kitchen again to pour the drinks for three of them, and then they hovered as Lilith spoke of her mishaps with eggnog as a teenager as Ambrose made his way downstairs, entering the kitchen before he saw Lilith. Eyebrows raising, he looked between the two women but had the decency to hold his tongue––though Zelda suspected he’d was putting two and two together.

She should be anxious about that, but when her eyes glanced to Lilith’s, she felt an ease flood through her as she sipped at the cider. Would it be so bad if her family did find out?

“Morning,” he greeted.

“Afternoon,” Zelda corrected, pointing to the clock. “Though you’re just in time for lunch, I suspect.”

“Oh yes,” Hilda said, setting out the ham. “Meat’s done, salad’s set, and I’ll just pop the pie in to warm.”

“Quite a feat,” Lilith commented.

Zelda hummed in agreement. “Traditionally, we usually open up Christmas presents after lunch, but since Sabrina’s spending the holidays with Miss Walker, we decided to open them up early as a family.”

“I’m sure she appreciated that.”

“I did get one for you,” Zelda said. “Should you feel so inclined.”

Lilith paused to look at her, her mouth going to say something before she seemed to remember the context of where they were. “That sounds lovely,” she said instead.

Hilda coughed, summoning the attention on her. “Shall we?” she said.

They adjourned to the dining room, with Zelda sitting next to Lilith, Hilda and Ambrose across from them. Unlike the dinner party, the conversation stayed away from pressing topics, instead of discussing work, the weather, school for Lilith and Ambrose both, before moving on to other topics as the record player continued to fill the room with songs of Christmas carols.

When that finished, Ambrose rose and change the record to another Christmas album of the 80s and 90s hits that usually played through the grocery store around this time of year.

The food was delicious, the cider complimenting it well, as it’d been every other year, and yet all of that paled to how bold she felt, setting her hand on Lilith’s leg, knowing that their chairs were too close together for Hilda or Ambrose to notice.

“I’m stuffed,” Ambrose declared, setting back in his seat. “I think I need to lie down.”

“You only just woke-up,” Zelda scoffed.

“I was up all night working on my thesis,” Ambrose explained. “I’ve only had a few hours of sleep.”

Zelda softened at that, pleased to note her nephew’s dedication to his work. “Why don’t you and Hilda adjourn to the television and put something on. Li-Mary and I,” she said, quickly correcting herself, “will put everything away.”

Ambrose nodded, making an ungraceful act of unbuttoning the top of his pants as he walked away. Hilda shook her head, “Boys,” she murmured, sharing a smile with Lilith and Zelda both before she looked around. “You sure you don’t need help?”

“You cooked, Hildie. It’s the least we can do,” Zelda said.

Hilda flushed, and then for an unknown reason, began to look quite misty-eyed. For one horrible moment, Zelda wondered if her tone had been sharp before she realised her sister was grinning. “Oh, well, alright then,” she said. “I’ll grab the cookies and set up the television set.”

Confused by her sister’s softened mood, Zelda rose from the table, watching as Hilda drew to where the gingerbread biscuits were before she took them over to tv room. Already, Zelda could hear the distant sound of Ambrose setting up the television, flicking through their collection.

“This was lovely,” Lilith said.

“You’re not leaving yet, so don’t even think of making an excuse.”

“I wouldn’t dare,” Lilith said. “After all, I need to give you your present. And collect on mine.”

Zelda turned, giving her a look. “And what, exactly, is your present?”

“Exactly as you asked.”

Zelda’s eyes narrowed, trying to recall, but all she remembered was a rather distasteful comment about a pearl necklace. Were Lilith to have bought a real set of pearls, she would be torn between amusement and annoyance at the woman’s expensive idea of a joke.

“Good, because I really do have something for you, as well.”

“You already gave me one.”

Zelda smirked, feeling pride flush through her at that memory as she picked up the food to take into the kitchen. “It’s only something small,” she assured.

Lilith helped her clear the table, and as she began filling up the sink to wash dishes, Zelda placed the food into containers, setting them in the fridge, knowing that Ambrose would likely pick at it through the night.

The music from the record player filtered through the room, and once all the food had been set aside, the main counter wiped down, she grabbed a tea towel and began drying the dishes, setting them aside to be placed away.

“Were your family not so close,” Lilith said. “I would have you bent over this counter.”

Zelda smirked. “And what makes you think that I wouldn’t have you? I think you’d look rather lovely on the dining room table spread out for me.”

She watched as Lilith dropped a fork, her cheeks flushing red as she turned and looked at Zelda, desire spreading through her expression. Zelda knew she had her there as she stepped closer, reaching into the water to take out the dropped knife before she began drying it on the tea towel. “You know, I’m very handy with a knife,” she informed Lilith, staring boldly at her.

“Are you now?”

“Mm. I would enjoy unwrapping you.”

Lilith’s breath came in short, and then she turned, looking at the two doors before the sound of Ambrose and Hilda’s laughter echoed from the other side of the house. Washing up forgotten, Lilith grabbed her by the hips and kissed her with hot, feverish passion.

Zelda melted against her, feeling the thrill rise inside of her before she stepped back and laughed. “Be good,” she warned.

“And if I’m not?” Lilith dared.

“Then I’m sure I can find a wooden spoon in one of these drawers before I strong-arm you into my office.”

“That sounds like encouragement to me,” Lilith said, and again Zelda watched as desire seemed to draw from her, a deep hunger for what was being offered. Zelda enjoyed it, especially the way Lilith looked at her as if she was prepared to do anything she asked.

There were so many things Zelda could ask of her. Her family was far away, the island counter would hide her should anyone come creeping into the kitchen. She could make Lilith service her here.

But no, that would be wrong.

Zelda cleared her throat, returning to the drying up, watching as Lilith plunged her hands into the water again. A comfortable silence sat between them, and Zelda found her thoughts drifting as she peaked at Lilith from the corner of her eye.

She could feel the words filling up her throat again, a need to tell Lilith that she loved her before she pressed them away. They were happy, she reminded herself. This, what they had together now, was enough. She didn’t need to ruin it by telling her feelings.

Zelda focused on cleaning the fork, she hardly heard the woman’s voice until dishwashing foam was flicked onto her face.

Zelda blinked, recoiling as she blinked at Lilith. “Did you just––“ Lilith flicked her hands again, and Zelda flinched, glaring at her before she grabbed at a piece of foam and flicked it back at the woman. “See, that’s not very––“ she cut off as Lilith flicked her again with foam, and then before Zelda could even find in her self to snap back at her. Lilith had grabbed her, pulling her close.

“I was telling you that looked beautiful,” Lilith said. And then before Zelda could even realise what they were doing, she was swaying, as Lilith had one hand on her hip, the other in hers, pulling her into a waltz.

It’d been a while since she’d waltzed with anyone, she realised. She didn’t mind how it felt, especially when Lilith looked at her with such bright eyes. As if she’d never been so happy. “So you thought you’d dance with me?” Zelda asked

Lilith nodded. “I did, indeed,” she said, and it was then that Zelda noticed the music swelling high in the background. It was hard to remain cross when Lilith held her firmly, hips swaying, feet leading her before she spun her around in what was not a part of a waltz.

Laughing, she turned back and grabbed at Lilith’s waist, her other hand still in Lilith’s grip as she took to leading, showing her how to actually waltz.

“Oh, I see,” Lilith said. “So even here you have to lead?”

“My domain,” she reminded, dancing her around the kitchen. “I used to be quite adequate at partnered dancers.”

“Of course you were. You went to boarding school, didn’t you?”

“And what does that mean?”

“Just that…the great Zelda Spellman never ceases to surprise me in the many things she knows.”

“You’re not so bad yourself,” Zelda pointed out, though she did mean it. There was a grace to Lilith that came from experience.

“Mm. Well, I did take-up partnered dancing to practice for my wedding.”

Zelda kept moving, continuing to lead them around as she watched Lilith’s expression soften. Her eyes sparkled in the kitchen light, but she didn’t grow distant, almost as if she was reaching out, hoping to share that part of her.

“You would have been beautiful, a beautiful bride. He was fortunate to have known you.”

“He was a better dancer than I. Took to it naturally.” And Zelda watched as Lilith’s expression turned fond, drifting in the memory, before her eyes returned to Zelda’s, softness returning. “Have you ever married?”

“Almost, a few times, but the love of my work became too much for any partner that proposed.”

“Their loss,” Lilith said, and then suddenly Zelda was being spun again before dizzyingly been brought back into Lilith’s arms. “Anyone would be lucky to have you.”

“I would say the same about you.”

“Mm. I wonder what that means?”

Zelda smiled, feeling her heart warm as she dared herself to say something before Lilith paused suddenly and let go. Zelda turned, looking over her shoulder to glance at Ambrose hovering outside of the kitchen, momentarily stunned by what he’d witnessed. “Don’t mind me,” he said. “Just…” and then he made his way to the fridge, picking at the pieces of the sliced ham before disappearing back to the movie.

Zelda bit her lip, waiting for the panic to set…but it didn’t come. If anything she felt an almost relief flood through her.

Ambrose saw them, and although he’d been awkward from stepping into what had clearly been an intimate moment, he had the decency to act like it was not something to be worried about.

Zelda reached beside her, taking Lilith’s hand and giving it a squeeze. They returned to the washing up, with Zelda finishing the drying up. Through-out it Zelda found herself smiling, still awash with happiness from dancing. A part of her wanted to reach for Lilith again but knew the moment had passed. The record was winding to the last song as they set the plates back in the cupboard, glasses and cutlery set away.

The dining table was wiped down, the kitchen was swept, and napkins were taken to the laundry before, at last, Zelda poured Lilith and herself a glass of cider both as they made their way to where the television was. Ambrose was lounging across the arms of the armchair, as Hilda sat in her usual chair, glasses low on her nose and a quilt over her lap.

Zelda sat on the lounge and watched as Lilith sat on the other side of the couch.

A random Christmas movie was playing––likely from Ambrose or Sabrina’s collection––and as it did, Zelda felt the chill of the room settle over her. The fire was dying, and Ambrose seemed half-asleep in his chair, making no attempt to feed it.

Standing up, Zelda went to where the other quilt was kept and brought it out, moving to sit closer on the lounge seat next to Lilith, so as to set the quilt over them both. She didn’t care, she decided, if Hilda or Ambrose knew.

It was Christmas, and she was happy. And she wanted a relationship, a real, proper relationship with Lilith. Loathe as she was to admit it, given how rude it’d been, but Marie was right to question Zelda in her hesitance to take the next step.

She wanted to sit next to Lilith and hold her hand and flirt with her openly. And kiss her if she so chose.

So she slid her hand next to Lilith’s, allowing their hands to brush, and from the corner of her eye watched as Lilith glanced at her, before smiling. The woman lifted her hand, fingertips brushing over the back of hers in a tease.

“I hate this movie,” Lilith whispered, low enough for the others to not hear.

“So do I.”

When the movie finished, darkness had crept outside. “I’ll make some cocoa, hmm?” Hilda said, rising to her feet.

Ambrose blinked tiredly, stretching, before he took out the movie and placed another in, returning to sit back in the chair like it was any other Christmas. It was another movie that Zelda took no favour to, but she found herself not even half minding as her shoulders brushed against Lilith’s.

Hot cocoa was brought out, set up and Hilda made no attempt to say anything, though Zelda didn’t miss her not-so-secret smile to herself.

Zelda took the cocoa and then nudged at Lilith, knowing the woman was likely finding the movie as tedious as she was.

Pushing the blanket aside, Zelda grabbed their coats and lead her to the back porch, opening the door to sit outside. It was cold, the frostbiting, but the cocoa kept her hands warm as she moved to sit on the bench, sipping at the cocoa as Lilith drew next to her.

“So,” Lilith said. “Forgive me for being candid, but I couldn’t help but notice how…cosy you were.”

Zelda swallowed, taking a moment to steady herself. “May I be honest?”

“Of course.”

“I…like you a lot,” she said, turning to look at Lilith. “I don’t want this arrangement to be just an arrangement. I can’t…enter into a relationship until I ensure both Ambrose and Sabrina are fine with it, but I want that. With you.”

“A relationship?”

Zelda nodded, looking away to stare out at the evening sky. It was dark with the cloud cover, cold, so cold she felt that it might even snow. “I detest the word girlfriend, but…you don’t have to agree to it. We can keep it as it is, but I—“

“Zelda,” Lilith said, her name a soft whisper in the night and Zelda turned to look at her again, watching the woman’s mouth smile, before she was leaning forward to kiss her.

She tasted of chocolate and cinnamon, and Zelda moaned against it, her mouth tasting her again and again, before she pulled away, watching as Lilith licked her lip, a bright smile on her face. It was enough that she wanted to kiss her again.

“Am I to suppose that means you also want this?” Zelda asked.

Lilith laughed, her breath coming out in fog into the night air. “Yes,” she said, turning to look at Zelda. “Now invite me upstairs, and I’ll show you the Christmas present I bought you.”

“Are you wearing it?” Zelda asked, eyes drawing over Lilith’s body.

“No, but I’m intrigued as to what you think it is.”

Zelda ignored the question, choosing instead to do as she was asked and lead her back inside, through the kitchen, up the rear stairs and to her bedroom. And then the bedroom door was being shut, and Lilith was drawing her eyes around the room, looking like she was going to start rifling through her drawers.

“Don’t even think about it.”

Lilith turned on her heel and smirked. “Think about what?” she asked.

“Touching things.”

At that, the mischief returned to Lilith, and she had turned to face Zelda completely. “And whatever ever will you do, Professor Spellman, if I were to touch things.”

“Try it and find out.”

Lilith drew in a long deep breath, her eyes running over Zelda’s form as if to drink her in. “I need to start visiting you in your own domain more if this is how you act.”

“Tired of seeing me on my knees?”

“Never,” Lilith said, her face completely serious. And then she was walking over, and Zelda could feel the coolness of her hands as she held her waist. “Do I get to unwrap my Christmas present, now?” she asked.

Zelda laughed. “You asked me here to give me my gift, or have you forgotten?”

Lilith grinned and then she was pulling out a box from her pocket. It was long and thin, wrapped in emerald paper and tied with a ribbon. Zelda smiled, wondering if it was, indeed, an alleged pearl necklace as she removed the ribbon and then gently unpeeled the wrapping with her nail, careful to not tear it.

“Oh,” Lilith said. “You’re one of those people.”

“Careful, or you won’t get your present.”

“By the time you finish unwrapping, it’ll be morning and no-longer Christmas.”

Zelda rolled her eyes. “Honestly,” she said, before setting the wrapping paper aside and then carefully opening the box.

Inside was a necklace, a fine gold chain, with an elegant design of gold loops that would hang low between her cleavage. It was beautiful, and Zelda picked it up from the box, admiring it.

“There’s a thing in the kink community known as a day collar,” Lilith advised. “I was planning on…officially asking if you would consider entering into an exclusive relationship with me as well. But it seems that you asked me first.”

“You were going to propose monogamy?”

Lilith became shy, an uncertainty wavering over her. Zelda stepped closer, and then handed her the necklace, turning around to pull her hair over the shoulder. There was a pause, and then Lilith placed the necklace carefully over her throat before her lips pressed against her skin. Zelda sighed, feeling warmth spread through her chest.

She turned in Lilith’s arms, looking to her. “There’s something to be said about monogamy,” Zelda advised as she set her hands on Lilith’s shoulders. “I won’t ask you to give up your work. But I would like to be the only person you come home to.”

Lilith smiled. “I should hope you don’t ask me to give up my job. It’d be rather strange for you to request me to stop being a Principal to date you.”

“No, I meant––“

“Zelda, I closed those services off days ago. I only got back into the business because…” she paused then, looking pained. “Because I was lonely, and it was a way to feel intimacy without damaging the memory of Adam.”

“If it hurts, we don’t have to do this. We can––“

“You don’t listen, do you?” Lilith said, laughing. “I want this. I want you. There’s only you, Zelda.”

With those words, Zelda felt incandescent in that moment. A foolish part of her want to leap into her arms or spin her around, or kiss her so suddenly that Lilith would be melting under her touch––but she did none of those things. Instead, she just looked at Lilith, and for a moment, she could imagine their lives together.

All the Christmases, the Thanksgiving and birthdays. Even Valentine’s Day. There would be anniversaries and holidays, excuses to disappear together for the weekend or travel or a hundred and one other things.

The thought should have terrified her, and maybe a part of her was scared about how easy it was to see a possible life flash before her, but it settled and then there was only the here and now.

Only Lilith.

She leant forward and pressed her mouth to Lilith’s, feeling the necklace slide between her breasts. It was a beautiful gift, making her own pale in contrast––though she supposed she could always offer a filthy fantasy to be fulfilled, should Lilith so wish.

“You want to know my favourite part about this,” Lilith said, giving the last loop of the necklace a tug. “There are attachments that go right…here,” she advised, fingers tweaking at nipples through the material of Zelda’s clothes.

Zelda recoiled, grabbing at her chest. “How did you do that?” she asked.

“I have a gift of always knowing where a woman’s nipples are,” she advised. “You wouldn’t believe how handy it is.”

“I’m sure I can imagine,” Zelda said, trying to ignore the way that her nipples were now painfully erect. She pulled away from the woman then, shooting her a look before making her way over to the dresser where she’d set out the printed file earlier that morning. “I need you to understand that I thought about this before…I even realised how much I––wanted you,” she said, hoping Lilith didn’t notice the brief hesitation as she tried to focus on not saying the word ‘love’.

Lilith softened, moving to sit on the end of Zelda’s bed as she watched her shuffle with the papers. “Did you write me a love letter?” she asked. “Or something filthy?”

Zelda flushed. “Certainly not.”

“Shame, I haven’t had any erotic poetry written about me.”

Zelda looked away, hating how seductive the woman looked as she crossed her leg, bouncing her foot absent-mindedly, grinning at her. It was enough to make Zelda’s thoughts utterly distracted by how her mouth formed the word filthy.

“I…had thought about what you said with Marie, about the arts,” Zelda advised. “And I liked the idea of…going to an Art Museum with you, so I looked, and next week there’s a new show that’s opened in the city on modern art, which I felt you would likely enjoy showing me around.”

Lilith’s grin only widened. “Did you plan the Girlfriend Experience for New Year's Eve?”

“I…no, nothing like that. And I still need to speak to Sabrina before we’re together, but I just thought––“

“I love it,” Lilith said, and her face was soft as she looked at her. “How many days?”

“Thursday, coming back Sunday morning. And then I’ll pick up Sabrina that night and…” she trailed off, feeling the future flash before her. Of speaking to Sabrina, of her niece’s indifference or perhaps, conserved annoyance, before Zelda pushed through and found her and Ambrose’s acceptance for her to date.

And then it would be her birthday, and she’d have someone to share that with.

“Zelda,” Lilith said, and then she lifted a hand and crooked her finger. Zelda came over and presented the papers and watched as Lilith adjusted her legs before she grabbed at Zelda’s waist and tugged her down on her lap.

Only then did she take the papers and look them over, her eyes scrutinising the exhibition tickets, the hotel booking, confirmation of a restaurant.

“Whatever would you have done if I said no?”

“Gone by myself,” Zelda said. “Or taken someone else. It’s…” she trailed off, and coughed, not wanting to admit that she’d been self-indulgent and had planned it as part of her birthday to herself. She could find a friend to attend the museum and the dinner, there was no reason either of those things had to be romantic.

But she wanted them to be.

Lilith continued to look it over. “I like that you print out your travel plan. I expect you’ll probably take it with you in a folder.”

“Don’t be rude,” Zelda said, not wanting to admit that she would do something similar.

At that, Lilith’s eyes looked up at hers. “Or what?” she asked, her tone turning suggestive. “You’ll…punish me?”

“I just might.”

Lilith smirked at, and then Zelda felt a hand on her back. There was a tension laying between them, as Lilith held back, waiting for her to make the first move.

So be it.

She leant towards her and kissed her, drawing her mouth over Lilith’s before adjusting herself, turning in her lap. She drew up the skirt of her dress and straddled Lilith’s legs, her hands sliding over the woman’s shoulders and parted her mouth, slipping her tongue over Lilith’s to feel her moan sweetly.

And then she heard the sound of the papers being tossed beside her.

Zelda made a murmured noise of annoyance, pulling away to turn and look to where they’d been tossed, only to have Lilith’s mouth move down her neck and throat, kissing her firmly.

And then Zelda was sighing, feeling her breath come out in an exhale.

“You could treat the present with some respect.”

“They’re papers,” Lilith said. “I’ll be on my most wicked behaviour for you on the weekend.” And then Lilith was lying back, pulling Zelda with her as she continued to kiss over her neck, her hands drawing behind Zelda’s back to unzip the dress.

Here, Zelda drew back and looked at Lilith, spilling the dress down her arms before she stood off from the woman and undressed, watching as Lilith did the same. And then when clothes were removes, discarded to the ground like the thrown paper, she settled again on Lilith’s lap, kissing her slowly, sweetly as she tasted her mouth, hands running through her hair.

“What do you want?” Lilith asked, and Zelda felt her hands draw over her thighs, sliding up her hips. “You could sit on my face,” she teased.

Zelda laughed and then looped her arms around Lilith’s neck, a sudden shyness creeping on her. “I…” she swallowed and watched as Lilith’s humour softened, an earnest curiosity as she patiently waited.

“Whatever you want,” Lilith said. “I don’t have any judgement.”

“No, I…I want to lead,” she said. “But only if you want that. I know last time you––“

Lilith’s hands settled over Zelda’s shoulders as she leant up and kissed her briefly. “I would very much so enjoy that,” she said. “Now you have to live up to all of your boastings.”

“I will,” Zelda shot back. She paused, glancing over Lilith’s face, ensuring the woman was genuine in her excitement before she pressed forward and kissed her.

She was slow in her desire, wanting to take a chance to drink at the moment. She kissed Lilith’s mouth, then her jaw and down her shoulders before pressing the woman back on the bed. And then she kissed down her body.

It was a form of worship, in her own way, as she kissed over her breasts, drawing her body down the abdomen and feeling Lilith’s breath slowly draw in and then out in a low exhale. She kissed down her sides and over her hips. She wasn’t sure if Lilith wanted more if she wanted teeth and nails and a passionate romp.

And maybe Zelda wanted those things too.

But right then, she wanted to taste Lilith’s body, she wanted to feel her lungs expand with a breath, feel the vibration of a moan in her throat. She wanted to see the skin prick with anticipation as she drew down. She wanted, more than anything, to hear her sigh and watch her hands dig into her sheets.

So Zelda was slow. She pressed her mouth down the woman’s thighs, kissing up between them as Lilith parted them. She slid her fingers up the woman’s hips and, her mouth over the public mound and watched as Lilith tilted her head to look at her, a soft smile tugging on her lips that made her heart flutter.

And then Zelda kissed over her sex, her tongue slow and lazy, tasting over the labia and the coated arousal.

Lilith sighed, her hand drawing through and combing through Zelda’s hair. It was gentle, soft as if she was reaching out just to hold her.

Zelda’s tongue drew firmly, eagerly until Lilith’s hips were rocking in sync, her thighs clenching. Zelda felt her hands tug in her hair before relaxing, a slow-building tempo growing with them.

She loved her, and it was easy to allow that to spill in how she flicked her tongue, how she stroked and kissed and tasted her. She loved her, so she ran her hands up her hips and pulled her deeper onto her tongue. She loved her, so she moaned between her legs and heard Lilith gasp in response.

She loved her, loved her with her entire being, so when Lilith’s moans turned to whimpers and small cries, Zelda felt her heart pull inside of her.

She’d give Lilith anything, anything she wanted. She would reach up to the skies and pluck the moon if Lilith wanted to wear it around her neck.

She loved her, but she couldn’t tell her, so she said it over and over and over with her tongue, as Lilith’s hands curled in her hair, and her hips rocked against hers and she came with a loud, gasp and her name on her lips.

And then Zelda drew up on the bed and kissed her, feeling Lilith’s eagerness to draw over her.

“Perhaps it wasn’t boasting,” Lilith teased, when she pulled away, her hands stroking over Zelda’s face gently. It was enough to make Zelda’s heartache, desperation pulling in her to tell her.

Zelda felt insecurity rising in her, wondering if she perhaps hadn’t satisfied her before she settled it down. “I’m not done with you yet,” she purred.

“Are you sure? It’s getting late?“

“Stay,” Zelda said. “I would very much so like it if you stayed.”

“If I stay overnight, your family will know.”

“I’m sure,” Zelda said. “I don’t care what they say. I just want you.”

In the dim light of the room, she could see Lilith smiling, and for a moment, it looked almost as if her eyes sparkled. “You could steal a girl’s heart by talking that way.”

Zelda pressed forward, kissing her again before she pulled back. “There’s one other thing I want,” she said, as she began to lazily draw a pattern on Lilith’s hip, watching her eyebrows rose in curiosity. “After all, you are my Queen.”

“I am,” Lilith said, and her expression softened with arousal. “Tell me, handmaiden,” and then Zelda felt the woman’s fingers tug on the new necklace, reminding her. “What is it that you desire from your queen?”

“A queen deserves a worthy throne,” she teased. “And what better throne than her handmaiden?’

“Mm. Are you asking me to sit on your face?”

“I am,” she said boldly.

Lilith laughed and then shifted in the bed to sit up. “Well, how could I refuse such an offer.” She paused then, looking at her and seemed to smile as she tilted her head. “You don’t need to be gentle with me.”

“Oh––“ Zelda gasped, feeling a sudden rush of embarrassment.

“Don’t mistake me. I needed that, especially for the first time since I’d let anyone have sex with me. But I trust you. You don’t need to gentle, and…I would very much like to see what you can truly offer.”

“Perhaps that’s it,” Zelda said. “Would that be so terrible?”

Lilith smiled. “Not at all. If your mouth was on me like for the rest of my days, I would die a very satisfied woman.”

“But you do like it rough?” Zelda asked, ensuring she understood.

“I do.”

“And you want that?”

“Mm, only if you do.”

“Well…I’ll see what I can do,” Zelda teased. “It might be something I need to work up to being able to do as well as you.”

“Of course,” Lilith nodded, and her expression shifted into a genuine smile. “I won’t ever ask for anything you don’t want to do. You can refuse.”

“Sit on my face, and we’ll discuss after that.”

Lilith nodded.

Zelda felt an excitement grow, knowing that Lilith’s expectations were lower. She was asking, politely, for more passion, and Zelda was promising to attempt.

Zelda settled back on the bed, fixing her hair behind herself as she laid down on the bed and watched as Lilith shifted, her knees adjusting on either side of her head. And then Zelda’s hands were drawing up the woman’s hips, and she felt Lilith’s fingers entwine in hers, holding her hands steady before she settled her sex down onto her mouth.

This time, Zelda wasn’t lazy or sweet. She was eager with her tongue, tasting over the women and feeling the arousal coat over her tastebuds. There was nothing more she wanted than to taste her again and again, feeling her shake and shiver.

“Zelda,” Lilith gasped, and Zelda felt her hands let go before there was the creak of Lilith grabbing at the bed head. Zelda didn’t let up. Last time was a declaration, this was a need to prove how wicked her tongue could be. An unholy offering that had Lilith forgetting where she was as she gasped and purred her name in eagerness.

Zelda’s nails dug into her hips, moving them as she desired when Lilith’s rocking became shaken her by the building orgasm. She tugged her deeper onto her tongue, and drew her mouth over the labia, sucking over the clit as her teeth drew over it dangerously, warning what she was capable of.

And then, where Lilith was drawing close, she drew her mouth up, focusing on the clit as she slid two fingers inside of her, curling and pressing inside of her as she listened to Lilith’s panted breath turn into desperate eagerness.

Lilith’s hand grabbed at her hair, tugging her forcefully as Zelda laughed between her thighs, returning to sucking on the clit, tongue swirling around it decadently as she continued stroke inside of the woman, feeling the muscles clench forcefully around her.

She could take more, so Zelda slid another finger inside of her, filling her up as she stroked firmly.

“I’m––“ Lilith gasped, “Going to get you…” she gasped, her eyes opening to look down at her. “I’m going to fuck you with an inch of your life after––oh my God, Zelda, don’t stop.” Lilith’s head tossed back, her body bowing over the bedhead and Zelda couldn’t help but feel the growing pride inside of her as she watched the woman rock over her fingers and tongue, how she looked beautifully erotic coming undone.

Lilith clenched around her fingers, her body jerking with a cry, and then Zelda pressed harder, stroking firmer to be rewarded with Lilith gasping a short, "God Zelda…” and a sudden rush of warmth that spilt across her tongue and down her throat.

And then Lilith was gasping and bowing forward, allowing Zelda to slip out from underneath her as she caught her breath.

Sitting up, Zelda turned on the bed, watching as Lilith looked over her shoulder and glared at her, “Might be something you need to work up to?” she mocked. “You are mine, Zelda Spellman and you’re going to regret that.”

“Regret it? You didn’t enjoy it?” Zelda asked, knowing very well that she had. She could taste distinctly how much she enjoyed it, and would very much enjoy causing Lilith to squirt again in her mouth.

Lilith grinned at her, sharp and feral. “Oh I did, and now I know how well you can use that mouth of yours, I’m going to fuck it until I’ve dragged out every missed orgasm from it.”

Zelda shivered, feeling thrill spill down at her. “Well then,” she said, using her thumb to wipe her chin clean. “I’m yours to command.”

Lilith drew in a deep breath and then smiled at her. “Lie down,” she commanded.

Zelda laughed as she obeyed. It was certainly going to be a long evening, but Zelda didn’t care in the least.

She didn’t care if her tongue went numb, or if the muscles in her forearm burned with exhaustion. She would service Lilith until dawn.

It was early in the evening, but as Lilith’s sex returned to her face, Zelda looked up at her and watched as Lilith sighed as Zelda stroked her tongue over her.

“You’ve ruined Christmas for me, I hope you know that,” Lilith said. “I’ll expect this from you every year.”

Every year, Zelda smirked, flicking her tongue. She wanted to retort with something clever, but unfortunately, her mouth was too busy to respond. So instead, she slid her hands up Lilith’s body and pinched at her nipples, just so she could hear her gasp, jerking her hips over her face.

If Zelda was honest with herself. If she indulged deep in her heart, she might even think to herself that she could see one particular image sharper than anything else when she saw the future.

Lilith waltzing with her, dressed in ivory.

But it was too indulgent to consider, so she focused on fucking her instead.

_____________________

#zelda spellman #lilith #caos fanfic #madam spellman #zelith

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this-life-so-far · 3 years

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Title 1

Growing Up: The Early Years

The earliest memory I have of growing up is being in the back of my dad’s white GMC truck and hearing the opening guitar riff of “Sweet Child O’ Mine” being blared on the cheap speakers that were in the back seat with me and my sister. I’ll never forget just looking out the window and being “happy” when hearing the music and not having to care about what was going on in my family. In this memory I have, I vividly remember my father driving down the mountain heading towards Marion NC. In my eyes, the window was the perfect frame for a stage and every blade of grass that was outside the window were dying fans wanting to meet me. It’s odd that I’ve recently just started thinking about this memory lately, however it seems to be one of the few memories I can think of from my childhood that actually aren’t filled with some kind of dread. Whether that’s good or bad, it’s honest. There’s a certain innocence behind the memory and I think that’s why I cherish it so dearly. Within the innocence is something magical and I think I’ve always carried that feeling with me throughout my life.

Growing up, my family was poor. We lived in an old run-down trailer that had holes in the floors and busted-out windows that had plastic put over them to makeshift a window. We never had money, sometimes no food and sometimes no love. I know my parents tried their hardest and I’m just grateful that they provided a roof over our heads. The trailer would decline in shape over the years, but growing up in it, I never noticed how poor we were at certain times. I had toys, I had video games, but sometimes I wouldn’t have food. The necessity that any child shouldn’t have to worry about; however, one thing that I had was music. Music would become, and still is, the foundation of how I view the world in many different ways. One of my fondest memories was when my mother surprised my sister one Christmas with a CD/Cassette player. The CD player was the nicest thing in our trailer for the longest time. Along with the CD player, my mother bought her a bunch of CDs from one of those weird subscription services that were in the back of magazines in the late 90s. My mother and dad had picked out a bunch of 80s hair -metal CDs from the 20 something CDs you got from this subscription service. After seeing all of the Def Leppard, ZZ Top, and Guns N Roses CDs that were littered through the box, my sister came across her portion of the CDs. My sister’s portion of the CDs consisted of Spice Girls, NSYNC, Jordan Knight, Britney Spears, and a CD that she quickly tossed away that would later become one of my most prized possessions which was a Backstreet Boys CD.

After my sister neglected the CD for some time, I would slowly start listening to it and getting that feeling I had looking out the window of my dad’s truck and pretending there was an arena of people out there waiting for me. When I would hear songs like “As Long As You Love Me” or “Quit Playing Games with my Heart” I would dance and sing in my home and people would notice me. I never had that much attention growing up, so imagine what was going through the mind of a six-year-old performing in front of his family and them actually noticing. It was an escape and one that I was proud of. If I got sad (which happened a lot during my childhood) I would put on songs like “All I Have to Give” or “I’ll Never Break Your Heart” and just sit back and think about how it felt like I lost something. I was a six-year-old kid at the time who couldn’t have lost too much besides a Power Rangers toy or a Pokémon card, however, I remember hearing these ballads and becoming sad. I knew there was some emotion of love coming from the songs, but I didn’t know what it meant to me. I’m not even sure how to describe the feeling now, I just knew if things were bad in the home; I could put on the slow songs and hideaway crying while singing the chorus and if things were good, I could put on the “funky” songs and dance and be the center of attention. It was the music that helped me escape the chaos of everyday life. Even at this young age, I was ready to “woo” the girl of my dreams into

My mother was always my biggest fan. When she was in her right mind, there was no one else in the world that could make me feel as special as she could make me feel. I loved more than my mother, but when she was on one of her binges, she quickly became my biggest enemy. I can remember so many nights watching my mom pass out on the floor, in a restaurant, or even falling asleep standing upright while cooking for me and my sister. I would find out later in my life that my mother used substances to keep her away from her past. Thankfully instead of turning to substances like my mother to hide from the ugly past, I turned to music and that helped keep me straight through a lot of rough times in my life. My mother did love me with everything she had in her. I have no doubts about that. I just wish that I could’ve had the mother I knew she could be all the time. She was someone who is special. I believe that if she didn’t have an addiction that she would’ve turned out to be someone who could’ve made a difference in the world. She was kind, beautiful, intelligent, and everything that I strive to be to this day still, however, she carried around a burden that never got any easier to carry.

Even as a child, I wanted to help my mom carry that burden, no matter the cost. I remember being young and my mother asking me to help her look for my father’s pain pills. I knew that if I found them and she took some of them, she would play with me and be the “super-mom” I knew she was capable of being. Needless to say, many days when my dad was at work and my sister was at my grandparent’s home, me and my mother would spend the entire day tearing up our small little trailer apart looking for that magical little orange bottle of pills. I knew every time she would find them. You would hear a little giggle that was followed by the sounds of pills shaking back and forth in the bottle. I’ll always remember those giggles and the little smiles. I knew my mother was happy finding the pills and I was just happy that she was happy. I wanted a playmate during this time. I never had friends over because even at the age of 6ish I was embarrassed by our house and the conditions we lived in, so I needed a playmate and someone to watch me sing and dance for them.

I was always afraid of my dad. I’m not sure exactly why. He never was intentionally mean to me or my sister, he was just never really involved either. My father would come home from work and go straight to his bedroom and shut the door. It seemed like the only time he was up; he was fussing with my mother about the pills she had found and taken. I never appreciated that from my father in the younger part of childhood. I thought he was trying to make my mother not love me any more by not letting her have the pills that transformed her into “super-mom.” I really wish I had more to say about my father during this part of my childhood, however, it just seems like he wasn’t involved with me or my sister until a little later in our lives. I just know that if you made him mad and he came at you with the belt, he would be the s#!t out of you (there’s no nicer way to put it.) If that ever happened, it was time to cuddle up to the speaker of my sister’s CD player and cut on a ballad by Backstreet Boys. I used music to self-heal myself even back then. By the time we would get our whippings from our father, my mother could be found passed out somewhere. No one was there for us.

My sister was gone a lot during this time. She spent a lot of time with my grandparents during the summer days and almost every weekend with them during school time. I always loved my sister. I still love her and miss her like crazy. I know that with all of my heart. I’m just not sure how I felt about her growing up during this part of my childhood. My sister was made out to be a “golden child” of the entire family. She was pretty, nice, very smart, and she could actually sing too. She even had her own glamour shots done during this time and was deemed to be “destined for greatness” according to our peers. This left me estranged. How could I have any attention on me when she was that damn good? It wasn’t fair. She was better than me on all levels. I just felt like a forgotten puppy that someone left behind because they couldn’t care for it anymore. All I needed now was for someone to throw me in a van and take me away from my home and put me in a strange place (that would happen a little later.) I honestly don’t know if my sister ever knew how I felt about her growing up around this time. She would later protect me from a lot of evil caused by my parents, but during this time period of my childhood, she was my biggest enemy.

That never seemed to deter me from finding new ways to find attention. I know it sounds selfish, but as a kid, I craved love and affection. I needed it so I could build a solid foundation for my future self. I remember being younger and drawing a cartoon. I’m honestly not sure what the cartoon was but my mother was blown away by the ability I had to draw at a young age. After I amazed her with one of my cartoons, I just kept drawing. I remember vividly drawing pictures of Pokémon, SpongeBob, and even members of Backstreet Boys just hoping for her approval. I would spend hours on these drawings and once I completed them, I would rush to my parents to show them off. Years later when going through their things after a move, I would find where they saved some pictures I drew of Link from Legend of Zelda and that’s always meant a lot to me. They were quick to dismiss them, but they never threw them away to my knowledge. It was a weird dynamic, getting behind the scenes love, just give it to me now like they were with my sister damn it. I needed it to be stable because all around there were constant moments of doubt.

Within times of doubt, there was always something that kept me going. Just the tiniest little thing that would make me feel an endless amount of love. One night I remember vividly was my mother driving me around looking for Pokémon cards. She didn’t have a license and didn’t really drive often, but she knew how much I wanted them after getting my first Arcanine card from a girl in 1st grade and she took the risk to drive me around Spruce Pine looking for them. I was scared because looking now it’s questionable whether she was even sober when driving around with me in the front seat, but I just remember so vividly using passing lights from the neighborhood and town to light the card up so I could continue to look at the card. The card is long gone in my collection, but that memory is priceless because it just reminds me that my mother and father did have pure hearts despite the substance abuse issues.

There substance abuse issues would later lead to domestic discord and violence. One of the earliest encounters I remember from this time in my youth was when me and my father went to a yard sale. At the yard sale, I found some Mario Kart toys. The toys were of Bowser and Yoshi inside their karts if you were wondering. I was just in awe because Mario Kart 64 was a game my family always played together and to have toys based on the game, seemed like a foreign concept to me for some reason. I was eager to get back home to show my mother the toys, and when me and my father arrived home, I ran in to show off the toys. My mother acted like she cared but as soon as my father walked in, they started arguing. The arguing went on for some time, but I didn’t pay attention to it. I took my toys in the hallway and began playing with them. The stretch of hallway connecting my parent’s room to the living room was Rainbow Road and I was insisting on playing on this makeshift track for as long as possible.

After some time of arguing in the living room, my father decided he had enough and took off to his bedroom. Within moments my mother was chasing behind him and berating him to the fullest of her lung capacity. After my father slammed the door in my mother’s face, my mother went off and ran and got a butcher’s knife out of the kitchen and started charging at the door. My father had opened the door to see what my mother was doing and the next thing I know; she’s charging at him yelling “I’m going to slit your goddamn throat Pat.” I feared for my father and began screaming and crying. My father shut the door and locked it and after minutes of my mother kicking at the door, then finally she started stabbing the door with the knife. This was after my father had put his body up against the door to hold it shut so my mother couldn’t get into the room. I was crying and running away leaving my precious Mario Kart toys in the floor and after some time my mother quit stabbing the door and left the area. I don’t remember anything after that hardly other than my father putting up stickers and Pokémon poster on the bedroom door so DSS wouldn’t see the stab marks on the door. It’s so bizarre how you can remember the confrontation but can’t remember hardly anything about the cool-down period.

Thankfully no Mario Kart toys were harmed during this incident, only a child’s sanity. Times like these were the reason I truly hated my sister while we were growing up. She got to be away at my grandparent’s home, and I was stuck in the middle of the chaos. Don’t get me wrong, there were weekends that were perfect for a child to enjoy, but those weekends would get drowned out by the weekends I just mentioned in this incident. I had no protection during these incidents, but somehow, I was the one going to each parent to try and cheer them up. It’s just so cruel and unfair that I felt I had to be a support for both parents and try to pretend that everything was okay, especially while my sister was taking her weekend trips to Wal-Mart and restaurants with my grandparents. She was also getting NSYNC shirts too from them, where the hell was my Backstreet Boys shirt.

#self help #foster care #childhood

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travllingbunny · 4 years

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Clarke Griffin’s memories and images in her mindspace

In this post I will list all the drawings from Clarke's mindspace seen in season 6 of The 100 (in episodes 6x06, 6x07 and 6x10) that we have been able to spot - most of which (over 90 of them! Yes, this is gonna be a long post) we've been able to identify, with image comparisons to scenes from the show.

First, credit where credit is due: this idea first came from @ofnailbatsandaxefives who identified many of the drawings and made a bunch of side to side comparisons last year after 6x07 aired in this post.

I later tried to identify the rest of the drawings, with the help of a few people here and on Twitter (rewatching the show also helped), but this resulted in an endless number of reblogs. Episode 6x10 Matryoshka also had more drawings that weren't in 6x07 Nevermind, some images were misindentified, and I decided to redo all the images with better resolution screencaps.

Big thanks to everyone who helped in identifying some of the trickier images (many of them are on Twitter and I don’t know if they have Tumblr profiles), especially (Twitter handles) SheiGarche (who identified several of these and corrected some of my mistakes), Lovestory813, BellarkeMood, taunadora, becki_travels, fabiana_vec, indreamswake, KindZouzou and my Tumblr mutual @jeanie205 (I’m sorry if I forgot anyone).

See also my earlier post about Sets, props and costumes in 6x07 Nevermind.

As a BONUS in addition to the images on Clarke’s memory wall, I’ll also go over audio flashbacks heard at the end of 6x06, in 6x07 and 6x10 - as a mix of voices representing Clarke’s jumbled memories. Many of them can be heard and identified in the episodes, but special thanks to (Twitter user) klarksbell for removing the background sounds from the scenes so some of the background voices could be heard clearer.

(In a follow-up post. I’ll go over Clarke's drawings from her Shallow Valley home in season 5, which we also saw in the mindspace version of her Shallow Valley home in her happy place; and those we saw in season 5, many of which overlap as the set was re-used for 6x07. I’ve also noticed that the art department used many of these drawings for the drawings representing Clarke’s memories on her mindspace wall.)

Before I start listing the moments from Clarke’s memory wall - her mindspace version of the actual cell in Skybox she used to be locked in on the Ark - let’s compare the two different versions of this wall. The first one was seen in the very last scene of 6x06 Memento Mori - where we first learned Clarke was still alive (yeah, yeah, of course no one really bought it that she was dead ;) but it was still such a Hell yeah moment) and in 6x07 Nevermind.

But when we saw Clarke in her mindspace again in 6x10 Matryoshka, the walls were different: there were at least 3 new images that weren’t seen in 6x07, and many other images were moved around and placed in different ways. Which does make sense, as Clarke’s mindspace was reacting to her states of mind, so we should probably assume it was always changing, with different memories being more or less prominent at any given time.

And finally here are the identified images with side-by-side comparisons. Some were obvious and taken straight from the scenes (I've been told there's a software for that), others are a bit less straightforward (and several of them were also seen as Clarke's drawings in season 5).

I'm going to do them chronologically, not by episode but by when those things happened in Clarke's life.

Starting with the image of Clarke and Wells as children on the Ark (confirmed by Jason Rothenberg on Twitter). The closest thing in the show is the video of them Jaha watched in 1x12.

The next one was tricky as it's not a scene from the show either. It was first misidentified as Clarke watching what ALIE showed her in 3x16, nuclear plants melting on Earth, but that scene is shown in another drawing. It shows a young girl watching the Earth from the Ark. We've decided that this is young Clarke on the Ark. I used the Octavia flashback scene from 1x06 for comparison to show this is a window on the Ark and a view from there (not because it's the same scene - which it can't be,as this wouldn’t be Clarke’s memory). But the girl looks younger and is touching the window as if yearning for Earth.

Flashbacks in 1x03, a year before the Pilot: Abby and Jake during the happy times; Jake when Clarke overheard him tell Abby that Ark was dying and he'd go public with it; Wells when Clarke told him about it.

1x01 - there are more images from the Pilot than from any other episode.

The first scene of the show - the image on the floor in the mindspace version of Clarke's cell in Skybox is the same image she drew on the floor of her actual cell.

This portrait of Abby seems to represent the next scene where Abby told Clarke she was being sent to Earth. When the camera zoomed on it in 6x06, we heard the dialogue from that scene over it ("Clarke, I love you so much!" - "Mom?")

When the camera zoomed on this pic of Wells on the dropship in 6x07, we heard Wells' voice saying "Welcome back" as he did in that scene.

I've been told that the inscription from the Ark we see below is a Chinese proverb that means, more or less, "A friend in need is a friend indeed".

"We're back bitches!" twice - the second is from Clarke's POV. The first one was one of the drawings Josephine touched and we (and Josephine) heard an audio flashback of it and this, uh, memorable line.

Mount Weather - the first time Clarke saw it, after landing.

I spot the same image among Clarke's drawings we saw in her Shallow Valley home in season 5, though it was really tiny in the background.

More scenes from the Pilot:

1x03

It's a pity that the plan to have Eli Goree guest star in 6x07 didn't work out, but at least we had many Wells images and even in the voice memories - I clearly heard Clarke telling him "How can you forgive me?"/"I blamed you because my father's dead and it's my mother's fault."

1x04 Finn with one of the pencils from the shelter he found, trying to impress Clarke.

1x05 Brief time of Clarke being happy and infatuated, right before Raven arrived and her heart got broken for the first time.

There was a bit of disagreement about this Bellamy image (or images). It shows up as a part of the drawing of him torturing Lincoln in the scene from 1x07 on one of the walls, but it also appears on its own on the ceiling:

@SheiGarche believes that, since this appears as a part of the Lincoln torture scene, the Bellamy image must be from that episode. However, while the rest of the scene 100% matches the 1x07 scene, Bellamy's image doesn't match - in posture or expression - anything from that episode. On the other hand, especially when you look at the Bellamy image on its own, as it is on the ceiling, it looks most like a drawing based on the scene from 1x02 - "I heard you have a gun''...

I think that the ceiling drawing represents season 1 Bellamy in general, and was drawn based on the 1x02 scene. OTOH, the art department made the 1x07 image from the 1x07 scene but couldn't get a good Bellamy angle so they edited in that same Bellamy image in. You decide.

https://youtu.be/Cj37TWjBwvE?t=59

A Raven portrait, which is probably not about any particular scene (some images just represent certain characters), but it most closely matches this love-triangle moment from 1x08.

The same portrait was seen as one of Clarke's drawings in season 5.

1x09 - negotiations with Anya and the Grounders on the bridge. Also the first time Clarke has ever seen horses in real life.

1x13

Probably some of the Grounder warriors who got burned in the Ring of Fire, but this scene clearly indicated that Clarke was thinking about closing the door on Finn and Bellamy and that they may have been burned.

2x01

This image gave us so much trouble, until it turned out it was just a random woman from Mount Weather who yelled "CONTAINMENT BREACH!" when Clarke entered the mess hall dragging Maya and saw all the people sitting there.

Another one of character portraits that are probably not important for any particular scene or moment. But going by Miller's hair and facial hair, it can only be season 2 Miller at the time he and Clarke were both in MW (this is from 2x02).

Ending of 2x02:

2x03 - Escape from Mount Weather

2x04 Anya after Clarke beat the crap out of her and managed to win their fight. "You fought well".

Now a few more character portraits. This image of Raven with a brace doesn't 100% fit a scene from the show, but it looks a lot like this promo pic of her - except for her red jacket, which she wore in 2x05 when Clarke first saw her with a leg brace.

Since Jaha has a beard and hair, it can only be from season 2 or 3, which limits it to 2x07 or 3x16, the only times he and Clarke were in the same place. I used 2x07 image of non-chipped Jaha, when he came to Camp him and argued for Arkers leaving, pitting him against Clarke,as this would’ve meant abandoning her friends to their fate in MW.

Portrait of Indra - also probably not about any particular scene, but it looks like their first meeting in 2x07. It was also among Clarke's drawings in season 5.

2x08 This image is one of the few that were not seen on the memory wall in 6x07, but appeared in 6x10. Maybe it's because the ALIE projection said in 6x07 her most painful memories were not on the wall - and the scene of Clarke killing Finn was only seen represented in her dark place by the pole and knife. Maybe she was able to process some of those memories better by 6x10?

2x09 Raven holding Finn’s dead body

This profile of Lexa is probably not from any particular scene, but a general image of the warrior leader/ally Lexa from S2. I used the scene of her making a speech in 2x15, but there were scenes in 2x09 (like when she told Clarke that Love is weakness) that looked similar.

2x10 Well, an attack by giant mutant gorilla would be pretty memorable to anyone.

2x11 I previously thought this image of people in radiation suits (also seen among Clarke's drawings in S5) was from 4x12/13, but looking more closely, now I think these are Mount Weather Ground unit guards - specifically, are Emerson and the other Mountain Man who tried to assassinate Clarke in 2x11. The outfits, helmets, guns are the closest match.

2x12 Clarke's guilt over letting the MW missile drop on the people in Tondc was referenced not just in 6x07 when her projection of Octavia called her out on writing her off there, but also in 6x10:

Josephine: I wasn't always like this.

Clarke: I know the feeling. I mean, look around you.

*Josephine looks at this big image on the wall*

2x15 - breaching the Mount Weather door

I'm about 95% sure that this picture of Lexa is her betrayal in 2x15.

2x16:

"Together" - "Together"

3x01 The most important character in the show! LOL

...seriously though, this little bunny (? who looks more like a squirrel in the drawing?) that Clarke used as a bait to catch a panther, stands for the 3 months Clarke spent in wilderness.

The only image of Niylah on the wall. It's the scene when she lied to protect Clarke when Roan and a bounty hunter came looking for her.

Another character portrait not related to a specific scene, and another one that was seen as one of Clarke's drawings hanging in her Shallow Valley home in S5. Going by the hair and beard, it's seasons 3-4 Kane, so I used the scene of his and Abby's meeting with Clarke in 3x03.

3x04

3x07 - there are 3 images of Lexa from this episode

Lexa smiling during the talk in which she asked Clarke to stay - this is the most prominent of the images of Lexa (one of the images that appear multiple times on the wall + had a flashback). Seems these softer moments are larger in Clarke's mind than warrior/leader Lexa.

The second most prominent image of Lexa (one of the pictures the camera zoomed in on in 6x06, when we also heard the dialogue among the audio memories - "Can we talk about something else?" - "We don't have to talk at all").

and Lexa right after she was shot by Titus.

3x11 What turned out to be the most important of all Clarke's memories, as it contained info on the neural mesh and how Raven was freed from ALIE and that Clarke has to remove from the wall and hide from Josephine.

3x13 Luna, refusing the Flame

3x15 When Clarke didn't break and give ALIE the password and it almost cost her her mother's life. This drawing was previously misidentified as Murphy being hanged in S1 - some thought there were two hanging scenes, but there's just one and it's clearly indoors.

3x16 - there are several scenes from the City of Light. Including the image of the COL itself. You can see even see the tiny figures of Lexa and the people she's fighting.

What ALIE showed Clarke: the Earth, full of nuclear plants melting, telling her about the upcoming Praimfaya.

Clarke pulling the kill switch and destroying COL

One of the first things Clarke saw after returning from the City of Light was Murphy is one of his most heroic moments - pumping Ontari's heart so Clarke could take the Flame.

4x01

This one seems a bit random: it's a moment when Indra came and hugged Kane while Octavia, Clarke, Bellamy and Abby were already there in the Grounder shrine - but I think it's important as the scene when they all discussed what to do in the situation and Clarke told them all about Praimfaya.

Roan, after agreeing to an alliance because of Praimfaya, giving a public speech in Polis to say that 'an attack against the 13th clan is an attack on all of us'.

The drawing of Arkadia is another one that was hanging in Clarke's Shallow Valley home in season 5 - and was also seen in the mindspace version of that home in 6x07. I used a scene from 4x03.

4x04 There are 3 scenes from this episode, and all of them have to do with Jasper. The first two are two of Jasper's pranks: "floating" Jaha, and the prank Jasper pulled on Clarke. But the mood of the latter got ruined because he had already found the List before Clarke came in. (Josephine touched this drawing briefly in 6x07 and we heard the audio flashback: (Monty: "Clarke, wait..." - Clarke: "Really?" )

And what happened right after, in the same scene, when Jasper started telling everyone present about the List. (Jasper's angry comments can also be heard clearly among the mix of voices at the beginning of 6x07 - more about that later)

The portrait of Emori is probably from 4x07, when they had their first major interaction. It was also one of Clarke's drawings that could be glimpsed in the background in S5.

Skip the next one if you don't want to see an image of a person dying a gruesome and painful death in a radiation chamber.

4x08 The unfortunate Grounder thief from the Rock Line clan whose name we never learned, at the moment of his death.

4x10 Octavia in the Conclave - more of a symbolic representation (with the sigils around her). This was a very prominent drawing in Clarke's sketchbook that we saw a couple of times in season 5.

4x11 Another one of the 3 images that weren't seen in 6x07 but were in the second version of the memory wall, in 6x10 - Clarke pointing a gun at Bellamy to stop him from opening the bunker door, before she broke down and cried. The drawing even shows Clarke’s hand with a gun.

4x12 the rocket in Becca's lab

4x13 Clarke being left behind in Praimfaya and watching her friends leave while she was aligning the satellite dish so they could get to the Ring and survive.

This was also another prominent drawing from Clarke's sketchbook we saw in season 5.

There's another scene from 4x13, but that one happens 6 years later, so I'll come back to it later...

5x01 Post-Praimfaya

Polis was Clarke's destination after she left Becca's lab - trying and failing to open the door of the bunker after the temple had collapsed on it. Then realizing she'll be alone for at least 5 years.

Then she went to Arkadia, where she only found "ghosts" - the chest with Maya's music player, Jasper's goggles and his letter to Monty (as we saw in the flashback in Clarke's "dark place", where the chest played an important role).

The bird that kind of tried to eat Clarke (?), showed Clarke where Eden was, and then got thanked, shot and eaten by Clarke.

Shallow Valley

This image is both a memory of 6 year old Madi (not the moment they met, but when Clarke was drawing her while she was fishing), of Clarke drawing her and of the drawing she made and gave Madi to make friends with her.

Madi and Clarke, but some 6 years later. This image was prominent of at the beginning of 6x07 when we saw a flashback of it when Clarke touched it ("I'm sorry they left without you" - "If I was with them, I never would've met you").

4x13 - 2199 days after Praimfaya: Gagarin transport ship, the moment when Clarke saw it clearly and realized it wasn't the ship she was hoping for ("Never mind, I see you"), but one to be afraid of.

5x03 - Makes snse that images of Diyoza, Shaw and McCreary are all from the episode where they captured and tortured Clarke.

5x04

Bellamy reuniting with Clarke.

Coming out of the bunker.

5x06 - Madi watching Octavia practice.

5x09 - There were quite a few changes between the memory wall in 6x07 and 6x10, and the most obvious one was seen right after Clarke woke up in her mindspace - the big image of Bellamy when Octavia arrested him and right before Clarke left him at her mercy in Polis.

5x12 - This is one of the rare drawings that doesn’t fully represent a memory correctly as Clarke saw it. But it makes sense to me that Clarke remembers it this way - seeing Madi in pain when she zapped the shock collar to stop her from leaving and going to war. But in fact, the screenshot shows Madi shocked that Clarke put a shock collar on her. Clarke closed her eyes and had her back turned to Madi, because she couldn’t watch it when she actually zapped the shock collar, and only heard her scream.

This was another drawing Josephine touched and had a flashback of (we heard Madi screaming and Clarke saying “I won’t let you die in this war”), commenting "Child abuse dressed up as protection!"

5x13 - Clarke pulling the lever to close the door of the Gagarin ship, after waiting until the last moment for Bellamy to come in, closing the door after Bellamy, Monty, Emori and Murphy were inside and the missiles were already hitting the Earth.

One last image. It's clearly Madi, and with the horizontal placement of the drawing, I thought it was Clarke putting Madi in cryo. But it turns out the same image - only vertical - was one of her drawings she had in Shallow Valley in season 5... so, I don't know.

There are other images that we couldn't link to anything specific or weren't sure. Mostly locations, objects and nature images. 1) A forest? 2) Waterfall/rocky shore? 3) Rubble?)

If anyone identifies any of them or notice other images or anything else, I’ll be editing and reblogging this post.

BONUS - audio memories

ending scene of 6x06

vimeo

Lines I can hear:

over the image of Abby: Abby and Clarke in 1x01: "Clarke, I love you so much!" - "Mom?"

"I'm scared"? - this line can be heard clearly but I don’t know who it is. It sounds like a child, but I don’t thin Madi or Charlotte ever said it.

Finn in 1x01 when they see the deer: "No animals, eh?"

Madi in 5x11: "I love you, Clarke" (the entire line was “...but we’re on the wrong side of this war”

Clarke to Wells in 1x03, after learning the truth: "How can you forgive me?"

Madi to Clarke in 5x01, during the scene by the fire: "I'm sorry they left without you."

Bellamy trying to convince Clarke not to leave in 2x16 “You don’t have to do this alone”.

Clarke to Madi in 5x12, as she puts a shock collar on her: "I will not let you die in this war!"

over the image of Lexa in bed with Clarke - Lexa and Clarke in 3x07: "Can we talk about something else?” - We don't have to talk at all."

over the image of Bellamy: Bellamy to Lincoln in 1x07: "You're gonna give us the antidote or you're gonna wish you had". Other lines whispered in the background:

Bellamy in 2x16: "(If you want forgiveness) I'll give that to you"

Bellamy during his reunion with Clarke in 5x04: "Clarke, you saved us all."

"This is how we get to peace" (sounds like Bellamy but Clarke was the one who actually said it in 5x08)

Bellamy in 1x07: "Who we are and who we have to be to survive are two different things."

opening scene of 6x07

vimeo

Clarke to Wells in 1x03: “I blamed you because my father’s dead and it’s my mother’s fault” (heard while Clarke is looking at the wall with the image of her parents, among others)

(over the image of Wells) Bellamy: “Who else knows about this?” (in 1x04, when Clarke realized one of the Delinquents had killed Wells)

(also over the image of Wells) Wells: “Welcome back!” (1x01)

(over the image of Roan & Lexa fighting in 3x04: “It’s always something with you!” – Roan to Clarke in 4x01

we also hear Lexa’s and Roan’s grunts during their fight

(over the two images of Madi) Madi (5x11): “I love you, Clarke”

Madi screaming when Clarke zaps the shock collar in 5x12

Two angry lines by Jasper are overlapping as the camera slides from Lexa to Bellamy:

as we see Lexa in focus: “Truth hurts” - Jasper in 3x11, after ALIE!Raven blamed her for the deaths of Jake, Wells, Finn & Lexa

as we see Bellamy in focus: “I found your list. I guess we know who really matters to you” (Jasper in 4x04)

Madi in 5x12: “I’m not a child anymore, Clarke. I’m the Commander, and my people are dying”

(ETA) Jasper yelling “We are Apogee!” and Clarke, Octavia, Monty and Finn yelling happily with him, just before he gets speared in the Pilot

Clarke in 3x11: “I let her get to me.”

the flashback to Madi and Clarke by the fire in 5x01 “I’m sorry they left without you” - “If I was with them, I never would have met you”

more of Jasper’s ranting in 3x11: “I was going to save everyone!” (talking about his plans in 2x16 to kill Cage)

flashback to the Pilot, as we see the drawing on the floor: “Prisoner 319, face the wall!” Some of the lower volume lines in the background, which can only be identified after the background noise was removed:

Bellamy to Clarke in 3x11, after ALIE!Raven had made her lost it: “I’ll let her beat me up for a while.”

ALIE-controlled Raven yelling “Let me go!” in 3x11, when she’s trying to find out the location and help ALIE, and everyone grabs her and subdues her

Octavia in 2x16: “I know where my loyalties lie!”

Bellamy in 5x09, when he brought Madi to see Clarke in her cell: “Clarke, this isn’t goodbye”.

I also hear someone yelling "Octavia!", and mentions of Jasper’s and Jaha’s names.

Josephine and Clarke in 6x07

vimeo

Josephine touching images and we hear flashbacks of scenes from 1x01 (”We’re back, bitches!), 5x12 (Madi screaming when Clarke puts a shock collar and Clarke saying “I won’t let you die in this war”) and 4x04 (”Clarke, wait...” - “Really?” when Clarke got covered in foam as Jasper pranked her). There are many other whispered lines I don't recognize.

In 6x10, however, everything was mixed up - Clarke's and Josephine's memories were all mashed up, because the boundaries between their minds were disappearing - so it’s pretty much impossible to make out anything. But Clarke’s memories are probably the same mix as in 6x07, because I can still hear Wells saying "Welcome back".

vimeo

If anyone notices something I did not, please tell - I will edit this post with any new info!

#the 100 #clarke's mind space #clarke's memories #clarke griffin #the 100 6x07 #nevermind #the 100 season 6 #the 100 6x10 #matryoshka

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surveys4ever · 3 years

Text

25.

Section 1 – Who were you?

Think back as far as you can. What is the first memory you have? I think meeting my (now) dad for the first time when he and my mom were dating. I was very upset because he was short and that’s not what dads were supposed to look like in my 3 year old eyes since my bio dad was super tall.

What is something you remember enjoying very much as a small child? Playing Barbies, watching Barney, Happy Meals, being with my grandma.

How old were you, when you made your very first friend? Probably preschool.

Are you still friends with this person today? Facebook friends, yeah. Real friends, no.

Was there a story somebody read or told you that has stuck with you? No one ever read to me after I learned to read for myself so one day I was sick and I came home and curled up with my mom on the couch and asked her to read me a Little Mermaid book I had and she did, even though I had to get up to go shit myself halfway through and it meant a lot to me at the time.

What is something you get an immense feeling of nostalgia from? Hannah Montana for some reason. It was my favorite show and we didn’t get the Disney channel so whenever we went to a hotel, nobody could tell me fuckin NOTHING because we were watching Hannah Montana whether they liked it or not.

As a child, were you a sore loser or a sore winner? I was the only child for 8 years and then the oldest after that so I never lost at anything and now when I do, I feel like I'm the biggest piece of shit loser there’s ever been. So that’s fun.

Did you go through the "naked phase"? I learned that you didn’t have to sleep in pajamas and you could just sleep naked so I did it for a while but then realized that I much preferred pajamas.

Which television shows do you watch the most as a child? I loved TV so basically all of the 90′s/early 2000′s shows there were.

Did you play with siblings, neighbourhood kids or by yourself? Either with neighborhood/school kids or by myself. I didn’t ever really have siblings who weren’t my kids, if that makes sense.

Is there something you really miss from your childhood today? I miss back when everything was simple.

Section 2 – Likes and interests

Would you ever like to try competitive pinball playing? Ummm, no.

Do you knit, crochet or cross stitch? I’m trying to teach myself to crochet.

Have you ever, or would you like to attend a gaming or comic convention? No thx.

What's your opinion on online multiplayer games? I really liked Among Us for a while there but I don’t really enjoy how rude everyone is on online games.

Do you like to go cycling? If so, where? Uh no.

Have you ever tried woodturning? If not, would you like to? Never tried it, don’t really have any desire to, but it can be relaxing to watch!

Do you enjoy drawing? If so, what do you usually draw? I do! I usually draw graphics for YouTube videos or doodle over Instagram photos, draw things to put on shirts with my Cricut, etc. I use my iPad for so many things.

Have you ever attended a painting class? If so, what did you create? I haven’t but I would like to!

How about a creative writing course? If so, did you get any feedback? I took Creative Writing literally every year it was offered in high school and I always got awards for having the top marks in the class.

What is your favourite form of exercise? No thank you.

Section 3 – People

Who is the most important person in your life (besides yourself)? My husband.

Do people generally approach you easily? I think so!

Do you get along with people well? If not, what's the problem? Yeah! I’m pretty friendly and easy going.

Do you enjoy being in crowds or do you prefer your own company? I would much prefer my own company than crowds.

Which one of your friends have you known the longest? I still talk to the girl I was best friends with in the 6th grade on occasion so like 17-18 years?

Do you find it easy to make friends now? If not, what makes it difficult? As an adult who works from home, making friends is hard as fuck.

What is something about people that annoys you? Something I've noticed in recent years is just how entitled and greedy everyone is. Everybody wants something from you or for your skills to benefit them without them putting in any work or paying you for your time. It’s just gross.

What is something about people that you really like? We have really, really harsh winters and if you ever find yourself in the ditch for whatever reason, there will be a lineup of cars stopped behind you to help you push it out or let you chill in their car while you wait for a tow truck. On the really bad blizzard days, there are groups of men in big trucks that literally L I V E to go around and help pull people’s cars out of the ditch. It’s the only time I feel like there’s actually a sense of community around here.

If you live alone, what would be your criteria for a roommate? I honestly would never have a roommate because they could either be your friend or a stranger and living with friends is a good way to ruin a friendship if your living styles aren’t similar and living with a stranger just sounds like a nightmare.

How about criteria for a spouse, if you're single? I am married but my criteria was honestly that I just wanted him to be kind and funny and I got that tenfold with my husband.

In general, what's your attitude towards people? I can’t stand to be around grumpy people. If all you do is gripe and complain about literally everything, I’m out. No thank you. Why is your hobby being angry? Take up knitting or something for christ’s sake.

Section 4 – Habits

What is something you do every day without fail? Baby talk the dog and snuggle with Beebs.

What is your typical breakfast? I’m a leftovers for breakfast kinda gal but lately I’ve been having a bagel and watermelon.

Which article of clothing do you like to wear the most? I loooove me a good baggy T-shirt and booty shorts.

Is there a TV show you watch habitually? We’re currently watching Unhhhh while we eat dinner every night, haha!

Where do you usually spend most of your day? I really only sit in 4 places--bed, the couch, my makeup/work desk, or my sewing desk. Depends on the day which one I’m at.

Is there a product that you do not want to run out of? Moisturizer. I’m a dry son of a bitch.

What is your preferred mode of transport? Car!

Do you usually have something playing in the background when you're home? Nah. I’m in silence a lot of the time.

Where do you usually get your groceries? Walmart for the bulk of it, a local grocery store for the specialty items, and Target if we ever run out of something midweek because I cannot handle Walmart more than once a week.

How often do you go to your local park? Like once or twice a month in the summer!

Which of your hobbies do you indulge in most often? Sewing and Sims currently!

Section 5 – Favourites and dislikes

What is your favourite fruit? Watermelon!

How about your favourite berry? Strawberries are the only berry I like.

Which food do you highly dislike? Fish. It’s all disgusting.

What is your favourite song, and why? I hate this question. Who can pick one definitive favorite song out of the bajillions of songs that have been written??

What is a movie you cannot stand? Anything with Seth Rogen in it, any movie that's got a 3+ after it (looking @ you, Fast & Furious), and all the fuckin’ superhero movies that have the same ‘ah yes, this undefeatable bad guy that we have absolutely no chance against and will undoubtedly kill us all--but we’re going to pull through at the last second with the power of friendship!’ plot line.

Which trait in a person do you find most appealing? I don’t know how to describe it--certain people just have that spark and you can always tell right away if they’ve got it or not and those are my favorite kind of people.

Which trait puts you instantly off? If they’re religious it’s an instant no from me, dog.

Who is an actor/actress who you dislike so much you can't watch them? I really, really dislike Tom Holland. I honestly think he’s a terrible actor.

What colour are your favourite shoes? White!

What is a smell that disgusts you to no end? B.O., on me or others. I just can’t deal with it.

Which door handle/door knob do you like the most in your home? They’re all the same.

Section 6 – Culture

What is something very typical to the culture of your home country? Apple pie and baseball are the only things coming to mind atm.

Do you enjoy art? If so, which form of art is the most enjoyable? I do! But I prefer art that you can look at and know the artist is incredibly gifted and/or has put in a ton of time and effort to master their skills. None of that million dollar paint smear on a canvas shit.

What is something about another country's culture you don't understand? I feel like other cultures take their family and their family’s approval way too seriously. That might be rich coming from someone who doesn’t have a very good relationship with their family but I just don’t understand what the point of making yourself miserable to make your family happy is.

Do you ever attend the theater? If so, which play did you see last? Last thing I saw in a theater was Shangela perform a drag show, haha!

How about the opera or the ballet? Nope.

Which dance troupe do you enjoy, if any? ...they still do that?

Do you attend concerts or gigs? If so, which band did you see last? Not as much as I’d like to as no one good really comes here very often. Last band we saw was X Ambassadors and Paramore!

Are you interested in foreign food? I’m not uninterested but I’m not super interested either.

If so, which country's cuisine do you enjoy the most? Chinese...albiet probably a very Americanized version of Chinese.

Do you enjoy stand-up comedy? If so, who is your favourite comic? I doooo! Bo Burnham and Drew Lynch are my favorites.

Do you contribute to culture in some way? If so, how? I try to? I’m an influencer so I definitely have a platform of a couple hundred thousand people. Not sure what exactly I contribute tho.

Section 7 – Charity

Do you volunteer your time to anything charitable? If so, what? Newp.

Do you donate money to any charities? If so, which ones? No. I don’t trust a lot of charities, to be quite honest. A lot of them are very shady and I’d rather donate money directly to someone who needed it rather than it getting tied up in a charity where it might never actually see the people they claim to be helping.

If you have pets, are any of them rescues from shelters? We adopted our dog from one of my husband’s coworkers but she probably would have gone to the shelter if we didn’t take her.

Do you donate your old clothes, linen etc. to charitable organizations? Yes! We almost always have a bag of donations in our trunk that we always forget to take to the thrift store when we go.

If someone you know is in need, is it in your nature to offer help? If I can, yes!

Have you ever donated Christmas presents to children of poor families? We used to do that when I was a kid.

Have you ever had to rely on other people's charity? One Christmas when I was really young I remember my parents signed up for a sponsorship through the Salvation Army where a family adopted us and bought us Christmas presents and Christmas dinner or whatever.

How do you feel about donating to charities endorsed by celebrities? I would never donate to a charity simply because it was sponsored by a celebrity but I guess its the easiest way for a charity to get the word out that they need donations.

Is there a charity you absolutely never ever will not trust? PETA, Salvation Army, Goodwill, and that breast cancer one with the horrible CEO.

Have you ever donated to a cause that had a person going door to door? No. I extra wouldn’t if someone came knocking on my door asking for money.

In general, what is your opinion on charity? I already did my rant about them, haha.

Section 8 – Entertainment

Which was the very first video game you remember playing? Ocarina of Time I believe!

Which was the very first film you remember watching? That I don’t remember. Maybe that Barney movie with the magic egg?

What is your go-to form of entertainment? TikTok usually.

Do you have a large collection of DVDs/Blu-Rays? Nah. We have a drawer but we usually stream everything.

How about music albums? Beebs collects vinyls!

Do you prefer to have your music on vinyls, tapes, CDs or digital? I prefer digital and Beebs likes vinyl.

When and where do you like to entertain yourself usually? Either the bed or the couch.

Do you ever binge watch shows? If so, what are you binging now? Usually! I’m sadly in between shows rn.

What kinds of books do you like to read, if any? I honestly don’t read anymore.

Is there a book series you're currently collecting? ..

Is entertainment something you prefer to enjoy alone or with someone else? I have my shows and then we have shows we watch together. So there’s a time and place for both!

Section 9 – Internet

Do you always have access to the Internet, wherever you go? If not, why? Yup!

Which website do you frequent the most? Website website? Google. App website? Instagram or TikTok.

Which search engine do you prefer and trust the most? Googs.

What do you use the Internet the most for? Social media or entertainment.

Do you judge people who have their phones out all the time? If so, why? Random people? None of my business. But if we’re spending time together and I’m trying to have a conversation with you and you're not paying attention to me because your nose is glued to your phone, I’m gonna be pissed.

If your connection goes down, what do you do? Go do something that’s not on the internet?

Is there something you wish you could do online that isn't possible yet? I still wish you could smell things through the internet.

Do you remember the first time you used the Internet? When was it? Yes! I believe the 2nd/3rd grade?

What was a website you used to frequent that doesn't exist anymore? I loved the Disney website with all the games.

Do/Did you ever have your own website? That was the thiiiing back in the day.

Isn't it great how much knowledge and info we have at our fingertips? It’s great but also overwhelming.

Section 10 – And finally...

What is something you consider to be highly controversial? Politics, apparently.

What kinds of jokes do you like the best? I love a good pun.

Is there a person who makes you laugh effortlessly? Oh definitely.

Which part of your body do you like the least? My eyes.

What's something random, out of context you remember from your past? I don’t do well with really vague questions.

Do you wear shoes indoors? No, I’m not a heathen.

What's the silliest thing you've worn on your body in public? I don’t think I usually wear silly things.

What's the most important thing in your life right now? Just spending time with my fam. Trying to get over this anxiety.

What is the most distant point on the planet that you've been from home? Florida.

Do you enjoy trivia games? If so, which one's your favourite? We love some Trivial Pursuit in this house!

Are you more logical or emotional? My emotions take over and then my logic brings it back in. Equal parts, baby.

#survey

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winchester-fantasies · 4 years

Text

90 Days - Part Five: Light

90 Days Masterlist

Mini-Series Summary: You’ve been hit by a curse. Now you only have 90 days to live. Sam and Dean race to find a cure while secrets are revealed and feelings are discovered in the process.

Word Count: 2197

Warnings: implied smut, fluff, light angst, mentions of attempted suicide

Pairing: Sam x Female!Reader

A/N: Thank you so much for coming with me on this journey! This whole series has been an emotional roller coaster and it ripped my heart out (no pun intended lol) more often than not. It’s bittersweet posting this last part, and I hope you like it as much as I do. ❤❤

Winchester Fantansies’ Masterlist

“Sam!” you gasped. He sat up with a start, his eyes wide with panic.

“Sam,” you said again, this time quiet and unbelieving. “How am I not dead?”

He stared at you for a moment as if not really believing you were actually there. But in the next instant he seemed to come out of his trance. “I...I don’t know,” he stammered, swallowing hard. “I think maybe I should call Dean.”

You nodded as Sam climbed out of bed, quickly pulling on his jeans and grabbing his cellphone from the table by the bed. He pulled up Dean’s contact and pressed the call button. He glanced over to you before quietly exiting the room. You could just make out his muffled voice as Dean answered and the soft opening and closing of the front door.

You ran your fingers through your tangled hair and held you head in your hands. You didn’t understand what had happened. Just a few weeks before you’d nearly died just from kissing Sam. But somehow you were still alive after making love to him. You thought you understood this curse and everything it carried, but now you weren’t so sure.

After what seemed like an eternity Sam finally returned. His face was unreadable as he took up his duffle, stuffing his clothes and the few necessities he’d brought into it. “We need to go back to the bunker,” he said.

“What?” you asked.

He stopped what he was doing to turn and look at you. “We need to go back to the bunker,” he repeated. “Dean hasn’t made any headway and was just as surprised as us when...uh...when I told him what happened or what...didn’t.” He looked to the ground for a moment as if embarrassed, your own cheeks flushing pink at his words.

“He’s going to have both Cas and Rowena come to the bunker, too,” Sam said.

You nodded, throwing the blankets off and going over to your duffle sitting by the closet door. You set it on the edge of the bed before gathering the few things you’d taken out. You haphazardly stuffed your clothes into the bag, your mind racing. You finally had to stop, the knot in your stomach too tight to ignore.

You turned towards Sam just as he zipped up his bag. “Sam,” you said so quietly your voice barely reached your own ears. Sam didn’t seem to hear you as he went over to the table and stuffed his wallet and keys into his pockets.

“Sam,” you said again, this time louder, your voice coming out choked. He stopped and turned to look at you, his hazel eyes filled with concern.

“What is it?” he asked, his voice soft.

“I’m scared,” you whispered. It was ironic. You’d lived with this curse looming over you, the constant fear of death a grim companion. And while you had been frightened, you knew how it ended if Sam and Dean didn’t find a cure. You’d made peace with it. But now that it was gone…. The fear was palpable.

Sam’s eyes were soft as he walked around the bed, coming to stand in front of you. He drew you into his strong arms, his chin resting on the top of your head. “I am, too,” he admitted softly. “But I promise you,” he said, pulling back to meet your gaze. “As long as you’re with me, nothing is going to happen. We’re going to get to the bottom of this.”

He leaned down, his lips pressing to yours in a tender kiss. You melted into his embrace, letting his strength and words envelope you in security. He brushed his thumb across your cheekbone when he pulled away. “I love you,” he breathed.

You smiled, placing a soft kiss to his still bare chest. “I love you, too.”

**********

You and Sam drove back to the bunker, Sam pushing the speed limit as far as he could. You reached the bunker in record time, only stopping for a few hours at a rest stop so Sam could get a little shut eye before hitting the road once more. You reached the bunker by nightfall the following day.

You looked up at the giant stone fortress as you stepped out of the vehicle, a sense of calm falling over you. You’d never been so glad to be home as you were at that very moment.

You and Sam entered the bunker, the silence welcoming as you walked down the metal stairs to the main floor of the building. You set your duffle down on the map table before making your way to the library, finding Dean at one of the tables, books, manuscripts, and various other documents strewn across the table.

He looked up from what he was reading on his laptop, his green eyes lighting up when he saw you. His grin was wide as he scooted back from the table, coming over to you and wrapping you in a warm hug. “I’m okay, Dean,” you said, hugging him back tightly. You were surprised to find his eyes were slightly misty once he pulled away, and you noticed dark circles sitting under them. Your danger had weighed heavier than you realized on him, and you knew he’d spent countless hours trying to find a way to save you.

“Glad you’re home,” he said simply before sniffing and going back to his place.

**********

“Find anything?” Sam asked, sitting himself down beside you and handing you one of the beers he’d gone to the kitchen to retrieve. You smiled your thanks before turning back to Dean across from you.

“Nope,” Dean said gruffly, his eyes glued to the screen in front of him. “But Rowena should be here soon. Says she might have found something.”

Your stomach flipped at the thought of finally having some answers. As if sensing your nervous anxiousness, Sam reached under the table, taking your hand in his and linking your fingers together. He gave your hand a squeeze and sent you a soft smile of reassurance before turning his focus back on his brother.

“Have you heard from Cas?” Sam asked.

“Yeah,” Dean said. “Said he’ll be here as soon as he can.”

“Does he have any theories?” you finally spoke.

Dean looked up at you as if just realizing you were there, like he’d forgotten you were okay. “Didn’t say so,” he said. “If Rowena doesn’t know maybe he can...read your mind or something. Ya know. Work his angel mojo.”

You smiled softly. “Yeah, maybe so,” you said, biting the inside of your cheek thoughtfully.

“Hey,” Sam murmured, squeezing your hand again. You looked over at him, his eyes soft. “Don’t worry,” he reassured you once more. “We’re going to figure this out.”

“I know,” you whispered back, squeezing his hand in return.

Just then there was a knock at the bunker door. Dean went to answer it, returning with Rowena a few moments later. “Hello, dears,” she greeted with a smirk.

“Hey, Rowena,” Sam said, you sending her a tight-lipped smile.

She set a large black bag on the library table before turning her gaze to you, her expression softening. “You poor dear,” she said sympathetically.

“So what’s your theory?” Sam asked impatiently.

Rowena sent him a smile that barely masked her annoyance. “Patience, Samuel,” she said. “This is very ancient, very powerful magic. To rush any of it would be foolish.”

Sam’s jaw clenched and his grip on your hand tightened, but he didn’t argue further. “Now,” she said, turning her attention back to you. “Tell me exactly what happened while you were at the cabin and what led you to believe the curse broke.”

You proceeded to tell her everything that had happened, starting with Sam and Dean leaving, your attempted suicide, Sam’s kiss and your subsequent episode because of it, and ending with you and Sam making love and realizing you weren’t dead. Rowena stood staring at you thoughtfully once you’d finished recounting.

“Very strange…” she murmured. “I would have thought….” She trailed off, shaking her head in confusion before opening the bag in front of her and digging through it.

Your stomach clenched at her tone, and you leaned forward. “Would have thought what?” you asked nervously.

“Oh, nothing,” Rowena said vaguely, brushing off your question.

“No!” you snapped, causing her to jump and Sam to look at you with wide eyes. “Tell me!”

“Very well,” she said with a thin-lipped smile. “It’s just…. Did either of you….”

She was abruptly cut off by the sound of fluttering wings as Cas flew into the library. “Hello, Sam, Dean,” he said. “Rowena,” he greeted rigidly.

“Castiel,” the witch said with a soft smile and tip of her head.

“(Y/N),” Cas said, coming over to you. You stood just as he pulled you into his strong arms. “I’m glad you’re okay. Dean told me everything. I’m sorry I couldn’t be here sooner.”

“It’s alright, Cas,” you said, giving him a smile after you’d pulled away. “I’m just glad to be alive.” Cas frowned before he placed a palm over your brow, closing his eyes while a soft, white light illuminated your skin.

“The curse is indeed gone,” Cas said. “And...it broke...quite suddenly.”

“But...what does that mean then?” you asked. “And...and how?”

“As I was saying,” Rowena interjected. “Did either of you, at any point after your episode in the kitchen, profess...your love?”

You and Sam locked gazes, silently questioning one another and going back over the events after that episode. “I...don’t think so,” Sam said slowly.

“No, wait,” you said thoughtfully. All eyes were on you as you carefully contemplated what you were going to say next. “After the episode…. Sam, you told me you loved me and that you’d wait for as long as you needed, to be with me.”

Sam’s eyes lit up in recognition and he nodded. “You’re right,” he said. “And then...uh, when...when we….” He cleared his throat as his cheeks flushed. “Well, you know. You said you loved me, too.”

You smiled softly at the memory, so heavy, but yet so full of emotion, even now that the curse was gone. “That’s right,” you said. You turned back to Rowena, looking at her expectantly.

She was smiling as if she held a great secret. “It’s just as I thought,” she said. “You see there was a witch, one of the very first. Very powerful - even more powerful than me,” she chuckled. “Anyway, she loved a man, but when she professed her love, he rejected her.

“Out of spite, she created this curse - a curse of love. If he could find someone he loved, and they reciprocated his love in the span of ninety days, then the curse would be broken. If not, then his heart would quite literally break. Well, he was a very brash and hateful man, and even his own mother didn’t love him. He was found three months later on the floor of his home, a hole in his chest, his heart lying beside him.”

You swallowed hard at the thought that that could have been you if the curse hadn’t been broken. You were brought out of your thoughts as Rowena continued.

“The curse was never used by other witches not only because it was lost to time, only a few copies remaining but also because it was unreadable. You see, the witch used her own language, only putting the phrases ‘ninety days’ and ‘life force ceasing’ in Latin. Which makes me believe that the witch you killed in the factory was none other than the witch herself.”

Your eyes widened at the revelation, and Dean let out a low whistle. “Wow,” Sam breathed. “So...when (Y/N) and I professed our love….”

“It broke the curse,” you said, finishing Sam’s sentence.

“Precisely,” Rowena said. “It’s really the perfect curse for hunters. Always so lovelorn and alone,” she said wistfully. “However, she didn’t count on the love of Sam Winchester.”

**********

Later that night you laid in your bed with Sam, your bodies pressed together and your legs intertwined. “I can’t believe I’m actually still here,” you said in near disbelief as you lightly played with the hair on his bare chest.

Sam took a deep breath as his grip on you tightened. “Neither can I, actually,” he said, brushing his fingers over your side, feather light. “But I’m glad you are.”

“I am, too,” you said, turning your head and softly kissing his chest. “Thank you for everything,” you whispered. “You literally saved my life.”

A low chuckle escaped him, his chest rumbling beneath your ear. “How could I not?” he asked, turning his head to look at you. “You are my heart after all.”

You smiled, leaning up to place your lips gently against his. “I love you,” you whispered against his mouth. You felt him smile before he rolled you over, caging you in between his firm body and the mattress.

“I love you, too,” he said, reverently brushing a strand of hair off your brow before leaning down and capturing your lips in a passionate kiss.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thank you for reading! If you liked what you read, let me know!! ❤❤

***Please do not share my content on any other platform without my consent.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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#sam winchester x reader #sam x reader #sam winchester smut #sam winchester angst #supernatural fanfiction #sam winchester #sam winchester fluff #supernatural #spn #supernatural fanfiction series #90 days

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mcrmadness · 4 years

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Rambling about my (dä fan)art...

I was writing another post and this kinda got out of hand and turned into me talking about my art overall. I’m gonna put this under the cut because I don’t know if people are interested in my art nor especially in my thought about it and my “art history” basically, but if you are, then I hope you enjoy.

And yes, this is gonna be about my die ärzte fanart mainly!

So let’s start with the HELL coverart drawing because that’s what I was talking about originally:

I’m extremely happy with how the drawing turned out in the end and I like that feeling of success when I’m happy with something I have created. That is not always self-evident with myself. More than often I have plain hated my drawings or have felt like there should be something done differently, or something that I could always improve at and do better. So this feeling where I’m actually content and happy with what I have created is something new and different. I have a dopamine rush every time I look at that drawing. I like the drawing. I think it looks nice. And I’m extremely happy about this fact and I am not afraid of admitting it. Perfectionism is a curse and a gift. It can sometimes make your life a living hell when something that is perfectly good still feels like it’s not enough. When everyone else sees that what you have done is actually good or even great but your brain just keeps repeating how it’s shit and everyone else is just delusional and that they don’t see what you see. And this is like the polar opposite of that feeling. It wasn’t other people who were delusional, it was you and youself all along. You were the one seeing the image in your head and the drawing not matching that image. Other people saw only what you had created and couldn’t compare it to anything. And that doesn’t mean it was never good.

So whenever I do these comics and comic style drawings nowadays, I just feel so happy. I feel that I am no longer failing them, I feel like I can draw the image I see in my head. I finally feel like I can draw, I have some skills, I’m not a professional and maybe not as good as everyone else but I’m good at what I’m doing. This is my thing and I’m good at it and it’s enough. And I love it when I feel like I’m improving. For years I felt like I was stuck, like my skills would have been glitching somehow, I didn’t get better no matter how much I drew. But I guess I tried too much and was too harsh on myself because I believed that a drawing is good only when no reference photos have been used. And I sucked at drawing without them. I still do! I was staring at the Hell coverart the whole time I was drawing! I wouldn’t have been able to do this if I didn’t! And this feels particularly good also because this is the first time I have tried something different with these comics. I have never tried to draw a photo or existing picture with this style. I have only drawn my comics and those I have created all by myself. The clothes come from what I have seen in videos and photos but the plots are created by me alone, with a idea coming from somewhere actual usually, as inspirations do.

For comics I do look at reference photos of people sitting or standing, or I look at the mirror, or even take photos of my own hand to be able to draw something. And that’s lots of fun and also challenging because I’m mixing there my old habit of portrait drawing with my less serious comic book style but I really really do like the combination. It also makes me feel that I am memorizing what I draw and the next time when I need to draw that same posture, I no longer need the reference photos because they’re no in my brain. And in my muscle memory. My hand remembers how to do the lines now.

Here you can see one of the sketches I did in 2018 - I had this image in my head and I wanted to draw it and I just... drew it in my sketchbook. Didn’t use pencil. But now I’ve noticed I like doing these on proper paper instead of the sketchbook AND it’s so much more fun to first draw the sketch with the pencil and then draw on it with the fineliners. That I have always done with the comics (apart from one) because they take more time than these quick sketches. But here you can see Farin’s legs on the first image - I think I might have looked at reference photos for that but then it was so much easier to do the to the comic I made in 2019.

I have now also figured out that a big part of my style is not to draw just simple straight lines. I like making those sketch-like lines even with the marker. They look more rough but that’s something I like seeing with my art. That’s what I was missing when I was staring at the lines I had drawn before and hated every detail of them. They were too clean and neat.

^These two I have also drawn on my sketchbook in 2018 and I don’t really know why. I guess I was still a bit stupid and didn’t really realize I’m drawing again. But anyway, they both were inspired by my own fanfiction I have written a long time ago. It’s one of my favorite self-written fanfics and it had these two scenes I just saw in my head and felt like I could try drawing them. Maybe that’s why they are in my sketchbook, I wasn’t sure if they were going to turn out even good... The marker around the second one obviously was shit and the paper wasn’t good for it, and I never finished with it so it looks a bit weird. Do I need to say that I really enjoy drawing very small, repetative details, like those tiles? It’s so soothing, almost like a therapy.

I think that quitting antidepressants in 2013 has done so much good for my creativity. If you compare my work from 2011 to 2019, the difference is huge - all are just parts from my comics:

Can you guess see the difference? But have to admit I am jealous for myself for how I have drawn Farin’s hair to the 2011 one and maybe have forgotten to color Farin’s arm but... I actually had so long pause from drwing (~8 years) that I forgot how I did that and had to use THAT as a reference when I was trying to draw late 80s Farin’s at some point last or this year :D

Anyway, my style with the shadows is a little different when I use colored pencils than when I use markers. This is from my latest comic from this year, where I experimented with Promarkers the way I had never done before and I really like how it came to be:

I have owned this set of Promarkers (black + 5 greys) for years and have never really used them, apart from the black which I usually used for the thick lines anyway. And wanted to see if I could find some use for the greys too! (Yes that’s Bela back there - this comic was an alternative ending for Für Immer music video :D)

And I wanna end this post with a face progress comparison for all three. During this I also noticed that before I used to draw their side profiles and it was really difficult to find images where I’d have drawn from from the front. And nowadays I have mainly drawn them from the front and it’s hard to find side profiles! Interesting! Here’s one of Farin and Bela from a drawing I made this year:

Also the hand that was so much fun to draw but I also took photos of my own hand in that posture in order to even draw that - that was fun! :D

But here are the last three images - using the HELL one as the last for each, of course:

Bela has always been the easiest to draw. And the first one of these three is actually from my first ever Bela&Farin comic! I didn’t color their skin back then. With the next ones I already did color their skins too but I used darker colors to do the shadows. Nowadays I do the shadows with fineliners. Or it depends - that 2019 one doesn’t have that lol.

Damn it was so difficult to find something where I’d have draw Farin from the front :D And I see the HELL one literally is my second (or third) time drawing Farin with his grin. Or if you count all those numerous extra mouths I drew because I failed the first one, then I have drawn his grin at least 15 times by now. I probably can draw his teeth with no reference photos from now on.

I haven’t drawn Rod too many times. I can actually count about... 5 times? And then there’s only 2 times when I’ve drawn his side profile but he’s at the background. I don’t know if I’ve ever really succeeded at that, I usually try to draw his head a more round and his eyes smaller than for Bela and Farin and I was actually bit worried for the HELL one and was wondering if I’m going to ruin the whole thing. But in fact, that was actually easiest of them to draw. And STILL I’m surprised by how alike he looks in that last one. In fact, I think his dacial features are perfect for a carricature drawing so you don’t need to do more than a few lines for the mouth and it looks like his mouth. The middle one was for a drawing I made for a friend and with this I actually looked at photos so that I could draw some of his hairstyles from the 90s and I liked this one the best and it was also quite easy to draw too.

Do I even have to say that I’m not extremely motivated what comes to drawing? I feel like my creative has become what it has never been before. I still don’t really know what to draw but I just feel that whatever it is I’ll start next, it will be good. And if it doesn’t... who cares? I had so much fun with those extra mouths of Farin which was maybe visible from the video I filmed, and that is what makes drawing worth it. Before I took the drawing process so seriously and a mistake felt like the end of the world but now I laugh at them and make fun of them and don’t take them too seriously. And I always have ways to fix these, or I can redraw. Just like I did with Farin’s mouth (or a half of his face actually) for this newest drawing. The most important thing is that I’m having fun and enjoying what I do, that way usually the outcome will also be a success.

I have now at least 2 dä comics on my to-do list (I don’t remember if there’s a third one too) + one pencil drawing that is halfway there. It will take one more night/day for it to get it finished. I also have probably 5 ideas for self-comics etc. in my sketchbook and I try to find some time to work on those. Or actually I have a plenty of time. Adhd, time blindness and executive dysfunction just make it feel as if I didn’t :D Can’t wait to get working on my next drawing projects, tho!

(I wish I knew how to make art for a living even but that’s a topic that will need its own post which I’m probably do in a near future if I don’t forget :D)

#mcrmadness’ art talk #mcrmadness draws #the post has lots of text but also quite a many images #dä fanart #die ärzte #I have been drawing dä comics since 2010 - the old ones are very stupid but whatever :D #long post

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