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idkthisisjustforfanfic · 2 years

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A STUDY IN YOU, chapter two

February 7th, 2018

Your footsteps echoed down the tile hall, three floors up and around the corner until you stood outside his door. Slightly ajar, you heard him on the phone and couldn’t help but hold your breath as you listened.

Yeah, it’s in May and they asked me to go…are you kidding me? Of course!

You heard movement from inside, pressed yourself up against the wall to avoid being seen through the tiny window that sat above his name plate. Eavesdropping? No. Overhearing before you knocked? Exactly.

But then his hand was on the doorknob as he shrugged on a jacket, eyebrows raised when he came face to face with you.

“Hey,” he said to the person on the other line. “Can I call you back? I’ve got--uh--someone at my door. Okay--yeah, bye.”

You smiled up at him, lips in a thin line when he ended the call and dropped his phone in the pocket of his pants.

“Hi.”

“Hi,” you greeted. “I was just--uh--about to knock.”

“Yeah.”

“Sorry to interrupt, um, I wanted to touch base about my internship applications. But, I can come back.”

He shook his head but didn’t say anything, his eyes scanned your face and you decided to keep going.

“Application deadline is April 1st for the approved sites, right?”

“It is,” he nodded, a quick thumb over his shoulder. “Do you want to come in?”

“I don’t want to keep you,” you retreated, a shake of your head in uncertainty.

“You’re not, no--I was just--going nowhere.”

He turned around, pushed the door back open and rounded his desk to sit. He opened up the laptop that he’d previously shut, typed a few things before clicking twice.

“Where do you want to apply?”

You were quiet for a second, he glanced up at you and saw the smirk on your face.

“Oh god, Y/N--both?”

CBS/Viacom, NBC/Universal.

He leaned back in his chair and put his arms behind his head. “You’re something else.”

You felt the corner of your mouth pull up towards the ceiling in his office. “In a good way?”

“In a motivated way,” he nodded, like your words weren’t exactly what he meant but also like he couldn’t disagree. “You know how hard those internships are, right?”

“Yeah--but I can handle it. I worked at CNN as a Production Assistant for three years before undergrad, remember?”

“Yeah, no, I know--you’ve mentioned.” More typing and scrolling on his laptop. “Are you applying anywhere else?”

“If I have to.”

“A backup plan never killed anyone.”

“You think I’ll need a backup plan?” You challenged, head tilted to the side when he let out a sigh.

“No, probably not.”

A beat of silence when you kept his gaze for a second.

“You seem pretty good at getting what you want,” he admitted. “Academically, I mean.”

He didn’t give you a chance to reply. He cleared his throat and sat up straight at his desk. You were still standing, didn’t bother to sit in one of the two chairs across from him. It didn’t hurt to make him look up at you, either. Somehow it made you feel in charge.

You smiled now, aware of the tension in the room but too fueled by adrenaline to tone it down.

“I think they call that determination.”

“I think you’re right,” he nodded slowly, a quick look at you when he laughed. “You’ve looked at their application requirements? Do you have enough in your portfolio?”

“Yeah, I think so,” you shifted on your feet.

“We can go over it together before you submit, obviously. Do you need feedback on anything?”

“Not yet—I was thinking about using the mid-term project in History and Culture, though.”

Right. Television: History and Culture, the Wednesday afternoon seminar that gave you another excuse to stare at him for a few hours.

Sophie’s job at a cocktail bar near Washington Square Park meant she also signed up for the afternoon section, which you figured was just as entertaining for her seeing as she spent most of her time texting you obnoxious things: reel it in, schoolgirl, you’re drooling.

But Sophie’s other job (being your best friend and embarrassing you whenever possible) was one she took very seriously. So seriously, in fact, that she squealed in excitement when you told her about getting his number.

Call me Jason, she lowered her voice and wiggled her shoulders a few nights before, gaining an eye roll from you when you both sipped cheap beers.

“Okay, so, yeah—we’ll bookmark that one and we can meet to review your portfolio in another month or so?”

You nodded, a fleeting thought that you’d do just about anything to spend more time with him. “Perfect.”

A few nights later and you slid into a booth across from Max and sucked down your first margarita with ease. The basement bar was dim. Mozzarella sticks, nachos, anything to celebrate the end of a week and the first gathering at O’Halloran’s of the semester.

“I can’t believe it took us this long to make it here,” Max complained, stirring his rum and Coke with his straw.

“Just wait until we’re even busier next year,” Sophie rolled her eyes.

“But then we’ll actually be working in the field,” Naomi reminded, excitement threaded through her voice at the mere thought of an internship.

“I can’t believe how easy our first year was compared to this,” Max let himself slump in the booth. A worldly documentarian from Boston, 29 and thankfully bold enough to put Sophie in her place.

You’d met your three friends at a first year orientation, immediately pulled to each other as you waited in line for lunch.

The Kanbar Institute at NYU Tisch was known for an eclectic group of students of all ages: career changes, second chances, but mostly people in their thirties who were chasing the dream of a job in the film and television industry.

Gone were the days of dealing with entitled teenagers who had penthouses in the village on their parents' dime—study abroad trips and weekends on Yachts in Greenwich. Your undergrad experience had been great, but a gap year that turned into three meant while most kids were barely legal when they first stepped on campus, you were already more interested in internships and red wine than night clubs and cocaine.

“Okay, okay,” Sophie waved Max off, uninterested in hearing more complaints about the stress of starting a new semester. “What’s everyone most excited for this year?”

“You’re joking, right?” Naomi asked, a smile to the waitress who topped off your glasses of water. “Are we not all willing to commit murder to go to Cannes?”

You smiled a little, let out a laugh at the intensity of Naomi’s words. Level headed, much more responsible than your other friends. Her threat of crime told you just how coveted a spot on the trip was.

“We are,” Sophie nodded seriously, answering for all of you.

The Spring semester trip to the Cannes Film Festival for second and third year graduate students was highly anticipated. Even more highly anticipated, though, was the application and lottery drawing the department used to select the attending students.

“It sucks that you can’t just pay your way in,” Max rolled his eyes.

Sophie groaned from her spot beside you. “Not all of us have trust funds.”

“Not all of us have trust funds,” he mocked her.

Naomi held up a hand to stop the bickering, a redirection: “Do we know which faculty they’re sending this year?”

Max slurped the bottom of his drink. “I heard it’s Laurie, Will, and Sudeikis so far. But isn’t it usually five professors?”

“I think so,” Naomi nodded.

“That’s exciting that Sudeikis is going,” Sophie used her elbow to nudge you in the ribs.

“Ouch,” you pulled away from her, an annoyed look in her direction when you rubbed the point of contact.

“Why is that exciting?” Max’s brow furrowed.

“Oh come on—as if we’re not all aware that Y/N has a massive crush on him,” Sophie laughed.

“I do not have a massive crush on him.”

Naomi leaned forward to speak over the noise in the bar. “Aren’t you TA-ing for him this semester?”

You nodded. “And I don’t have a crush on him.”

“You guys know they matched on Hinge, right?”

“Sophie!” Now you reached over to elbow her into silence. “Can we not?"

Max nearly spit out his drink. “I’m sorry, you what?”

“This freak of nature swiped right on him before winter break one night for me,” you offered a glare to your friend and took the final sip of your drink.

“And then he matched and sent her a message with her final grade,” Sophie shimmied with excitement when Naomi grinned.

“It was just a joke,” you rolled your eyes. “Obviously.”

“Obviously,” Max scoffed. “Oh come on—as if most women and gays around here wouldn’t hop into his bed.”

“Can we change the subject because I’m working with him this semester,” you reminded, voice a hushed whisper now when you scanned the bar. “And I would not hop into his bed.”

Debatable, honestly. Did a part of you want to? Of course. But Max and Naomi and Sophie didn’t need that type of ammunition. And besides. It was just one stupid dream and Google had been quick to reassure you: sex dreams don’t mean that much, anyway.

“Well hopefully you’ll have no issue with the Cannes lottery then,” Naomi shrugged. “A weekend in the romantic South of France?”

You slid out of the booth, empty glasses in your hands. “When I come back with refills, I really hope we’ve found a new topic of conversation seeing as we’re all adults here!”

They booed as you walked away, a rowdy show of disapproval. So you gave them the finger behind your back and chalked it up to harmless fun. The bar was crowded with other students, NYU flags hung behind the counter when you elbowed your way up towards one of the bartenders.

“Two Margaritas, one Rum and Coke, one vodka soda, please!”

“I hope those aren’t all for you,” a voice sounded to your left.

You swiveled, eyes wide and a hint of pink on your cheeks when Jason smiled down at you.

“No—oh god, no—one is, but the rest are for that pack of idiots over there,” you nodded in their direction, watching as his eyes darted over to your friends, already laughing about something else. Hopefully not at your expense.

“Ah, I see,” he nodded, a hint of an awkward smile when he brought his eyes back to you.

O’Halloran’s wasn’t exactly on the list of places you’d expect to run into him. A dive-bar co opted by students?

“What brings you here on a Friday night?” You lifted a shoulder in curiosity, felt a rush of adrenaline when he smiled in response to your question.

“Just meeting up with a friend,” he shrugged casually.

Maybe you shouldn’t have asked.

“Got it.”

“Much closer than Pineapple Club,” he admitted. “Though not nearly as good.”

“No way,” you agreed with a shake of your head. “This is a good spot for wings and the like. Pineapple Club is much more,” you searched for the word. “Swanky.”

He let out a laugh, looked down and picked one of his feet up off the tile. “The floors are certainly not this sticky.”

The bartender reappeared, pushing four drinks in your direction. “On your tab?”

“Yes, please!”

“Well,” Jason nodded. “Happy Friday.”

“Ditto.”

With that he leaned on the bar and ordered, you picked up three of the drinks and soon realized there was no way you were making it back to your table in one trip.

“Here--I can help you--”

“No, it’s fine, I’ll come back.”

He picked up the last drink on the counter and plucked another out of your grasp before he shrugged. “Now I get to say hello to your pack of idiots.”

You let out a laugh, flattered by his kindness but dreading the buzz he’d cause at your table. He followed you over, Sophie slid down in the booth when she smiled over your shoulder.

“Sudeikis at the local campus bar?” She smiled at him.

“I know,” he quipped as he delivered the drinks onto the table. You pushed them towards their respective owners. “Shocking that I exist outside of a lecture hall, right?”

“You strike me as the type of guy who has quite the social life,” Max narrowed his eyes at everyone’s favorite professor.

Professor Sudeikis--Jason--let out a laugh. “Yeah, well--if I’m not grading papers or dealing with phone calls from Dean Vasquez.”

“Rumor mill says you’re doing the Cannes trip this year?” Naomi glanced up at him before sneaking a peek in your direction.

Jason nodded, “yeah--that’s the plan. They’re finalizing faculty stuff now.”

“Fingers crossed we’ll get to have a rendez-vous in France, then,” Sophie flirted.

You rolled your eyes at that one. She’d rather kiss a frog than kiss a man, but as she said herself, even she could recognize a hot daddy. You almost threw up in your mouth at the word, blinked a few times when Jason looked back at you.

“Well, hope you all have a nice night. Y/N--I’ll see you on Tuesday?”

You all echoed farewells, waved him off and then you sunk down into the booth when Max whipped his head around.

“See you on Tuesday,” he teased, raising his voice an octave to impersonate yours.

“Thank God you’re not an actor,” Sophie remarked.

February 14th, 2018

You followed Jason up the stairs in Luft Hall, around the corner to his office before he set his bag down on his chair. The sun had long sunk below the horizon, he’d let out the undergrad seminar a few minutes early and promised them feedback on their first script before Tuesday’s class.

Which is why, when you walked with him towards the elevator and he mentioned a late night of script reading, you’d casually offered to help him out.

“So, want to just divide it in half and start there?” He peered at you through his glasses, traces of snowflakes on the lenses when he fished the stack of papers out of his bag.

“Yeah,” you nodded, reaching out to take some. You settled into a chair on the far side of his office, one beside a small table with textbooks and paper clips. You’d visited his office a number of times: when you hesitantly knocked on the door for the first time and introduced yourself, when you showed up to finalize a class schedule.

Now, though, you glanced around the room in silence and took note of the traces he’d left. His diploma on the far wall, framed and crisp--a pack of gum near his laptop, spearmint--a pair of colorful Nikes tucked beneath his desk.

You stole glances in his direction as you both settled in, you draped your coat over your own chair and watched when he scanned through emails.

You’d always been curious about teachers growing up. In the second grade you realized Ms. Manning didn’t always wear skirts because you saw her in jeans at the supermarket.

In high school your math teacher married your science teacher and thinking about that made you and your friends scrunch your noses at the thought of them getting it on.

Something about Jason felt different. He’d always given crumbs of his personal life, but he did it in a way that made you more curious and more interested in a peek behind the curtain. Maybe it’s because this was grad school and despite the fact that you were a student and he was your advisor, you were both adults.

Or maybe it’s because you’d never had a sex dream about a teacher before.

“Mind if I put on music?” He looked over at you quickly, brows raised as he waited for permission.

“Yeah, of course, go ahead,” you nodded.

You brought your eyes back to the stack of scripts on the table. Courier font stared back at you, the names of undergrads you were starting to recognize in the center of each page. You read through three of them with ease--they were fine enough, lacking certain details or with small format errors.

Jason let out a laugh and looked up at you. “Okay--this is shitty of me to say--”

You smiled at that, he didn’t swear often in class.

“But this one is just…bad.”

“Who is it?” You giggled.

“Yasmine? I’m fairly positive she’s the girl with the neon green backpack.”

You made a face at that, rough color choice.

He cleared his throat. “Interior house, family room. A mother makes dinner in an adjoined kitchen, children do homework on the floor.”

“On the floor?” You laughed, pulling your head back in confusion.

“Not to mention the sexism of a mother makes dinner. Is it the 60s?" He thumbed through a few more pages, a look of mock horror on his face. "Oh god--and now there's a new scene with no context, it's got robotic dialogue."

He glanced up at you quickly, almost like the dimple on his left cheek was in response to your laughter. “Sorry to distract you--I just--it’s actually nice to have someone else who feels my pain of having to read all of these.”

“They’re not all bad,” you sighed. “And hopefully they’ll get better as the semester goes on.”

“True,” he nodded. “If they don’t, I’m doing a bad job.”

Quiet after that, another few scripts before a familiar sound through the speakers on his laptop.

“You know this song?” He glanced up at you from across his desk, a hint of a smirk on his face when you offered a challenging glare.

“You say that like I’m still listening to Kidz Bop—”

“No, god, I just—" he laughed. “I figure you only have faint memories of blockbuster.”

“My dad loved it too—”

“Oh, okay, ouch,” he laughed, eyes crinkling by the sides when he shook his head at you. “Thanks for the subtle reminder that I’m super old.”

“That is not what I said,” you laughed. “I’m 27,” you reminded him with a smirk. “I’m not that young.”

“Wait until you’re 42,” he laughed. “Twenty-seven feels like…decades ago.”

You rolled your eyes playfully, watched him for a second as he flipped through the remainder of his pile. “Are you hungry?”

You hesitated--you’d gotten a sandwich before the 6pm class but it was already approaching 10pm. “I can always eat.”

“Usually I order take out when I’m here late—Wok House on West 4th is really good.”

He pulled open a drawer to his left and found the folded paper menu. He leaned forward to offer it up, you stood on the other side of the room and took a few steps over.

Your fingers grazed his when you took it, you scanned the menu and felt him watching you. “Yeah--this looks great.”

So he ordered, said it was on him since he was keeping you after hours. He disappeared down to the lobby of the building to meet the delivery person, smiled when he came back into his office.

“I hope grading papers and take out Chinese isn’t the only way you’re celebrating the day.”

His forehead wrinkled when he pulled a container out of the paper bag, then realization washed over his features. “Oh shit, right--Valentine’s Day.”

You let out a laugh at the face he made, he offered you a plastic fork when you came to sit in a chair closer to his desk.

“No--yeah--I’m not a big Valentine’s Day guy.”

You saw the opening and took it. “No? No date at the Pineapple Club?”

“Ha,” he rolled his eyes. “No, not this year.”

You nodded, quiet for a second when he found a paper plate in another desk drawer--did he live out of this place?

“I hope I’m not ruining any plans you had--you know--to celebrate,” he glanced up at you quickly but didn’t hold your gaze. He scooped some chicken onto a plate for himself and then handed it over.

“No,” you shook your head. “I’m not--I’m single.”

He nodded, an awkward pause when he sat back down. You were probably reading into it. Overthinking and searching for meaning that wasn’t really there. Right?

He held up his can of diet coke to clink against yours, a smirk on his face when you locked eyes. “Well, cheers to Valentine’s Day,” he chuckled.

February 25th, 2018

To: Jason Sudeikis

From: Y/N L/N

Subject: Portfolio review

February 25th, 2018 - 1:02pm

Hi Jason,

Wanted to see if you’d have time some time in the next week or two to go over my portfolio for internship applications? I think I’m in decent shape but would love your feedback. Also--might be a few minutes late to Thursday’s undergrad seminar, I have a meeting with Anne May Walter to review my portfolio and catch up, hope that’s alright.

Best,

Y/N L/N

MFA Candidate

Cinema Studies, NYU Tisch

(212-555-8495)

To: Y/N L/N

From: Jason Sudeikis

Subject: RE: Portfolio review

February 25th, 2018 - 4:09pm

Hi Y/N,

It might be easiest to pick a night after class to review your portfolio. Let me know if there’s a day that works best for you.

Re your tardiness to CINE-UT 712, no worries. Though I’m slightly offended that my feedback won’t be enough for you (kidding). Give Anne my best.

Prof. Jason Sudeikis, PhD

Cinema Studies, NYU Tisch

Office hours M/W 10am-12pm or by appointment

To: Jason Sudeikis

From: Y/N L/N

Subject: RE: Portfolio review

February 25th, 2018 - 5:43pm

Never said it wasn’t enough, just figured the more feedback the better :)

How’s next Thursday, 3/3?

Best,

Y/N L/N

MFA Candidate

Cinema Studies, NYU Tisch

(212-555-8495)

To: Y/N L/N

From: Jason Sudeikis

Subject: RE: Portfolio review

February 25th, 2018 - 5:57pm

After class on 3/3 is perfect. Did you apply for the Cannes trip yet? Lottery application went live on Monday.

Prof. Jason Sudeikis, PhD

Cinema Studies, NYU Tisch

Office hours M/W 10am-12pm or by appointment

To: Jason Sudeikis

From: Y/N L/N

Subject: RE: Portfolio review

February 25th, 2018 - 7:21pm

Awesome, looking forward it. And yes--submitted last night. Fingers crossed!

Best,

Y/N L/N

MFA Candidate

Cinema Studies, NYU Tisch

(212-555-8495)

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AUTHOR’S NOTE: WOWWWWW okay two chappies in one week because so many of you have been so excited and I AM TOO!!!! Hope you guys like it!

#asiy #a study in you #jason sudeikis #jason sudeikis fan fic #jason sudeikis fanfic #jason sudeikis fic #jason sudeikis blurb #jason sudeikis x yn #jason sudeikis x you #jason sudeikis x reader

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whenitsdarkweilluminate · 10 months

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Lisbon 2018 – Semi-Final 1

Host: Portugal Slogan: “All Aboard!” Participants: 43 Voting method: 12-point system (50/50 system - separated) Format: 2 Semi-Finals / Grand Final = the top 10 of semi 1 & 2 + the Big 5 + host General Overview: So, for the first time ever, there are 4 hosts. All of whom are female! They are: Sílvia Alberto, Daniela Ruah, Catarina Furtado and Filomena Cautela. It seems Portugal were eager to provide comedy this year, in the aftermath of Petra and Måns's iconic hosting. Tonight we have Daniela's naval references, her paper ballots, the two people frantically answering phones, and the trivia game. But the hosts have with it, and they're an enjoyable bunch. The show's opening sequence begins with underwater footage, followed by a montage showcasing Lisbon's architecture, people and culture. There's no opening performances after that though. Instead we jump straight into the host introductions. I mean, there's 19 songs, we don't have time to waste! The interval doesn't contain live performances either. Instead, it's a series of pre-recorded skits. First, there's multiple 2017 artists singing along to “Amar pelos dois”, culminating in a recap of Salvador's win. Then “David Attenburger” observes Portuguese people as if they're an exotic species... this is very cringe. Finally, a narrator reads the ESC encyclopedia, recapping memorable quirks from past entries. All of the 2017 participants return for 2018, and with Russia not withdrawing this time, the total number of entries matches the all-time record of 43. Which was basically every feasible country at that point. Israel wins Semi-Final 1, and the corresponding jury vote, which is strange since Austria is in this semi-final. Cyprus, meanwhile, wins the televote. Which is also strange because Cyprus loses the public vote to Israel at the grand final. Although I do realize only half the countries vote in each semi-final. In other news, the juries saved Albania (which they ranked 3rd) at the expense of Greece. While the public saved Lithuania and Finland at the expense of Belgium and Switzerland. I would not expect “When We're Old” and “Monsters” to have more televote appeal. So 2018 SF1 is one of the biggest “bloodbaths” in Eurovision history. The qualification results seemed pretty unpredictable; in both semi-finals actually. The final odds got 7/10 and 8/10 correct, respectively. As a consequence of these uneven semi-finals, a lot of my favourites didn't make it through this year.

× Azerbaijan: Aisel - X My Heart Azerbaijan NQs for the first time, a full decade after their debut. And they still placed 11th. When I saw the title “X My Heart”, I expected something with bite or edge. Instead, this is the most basic / “mid” song that Azerbaijan has ever sent. Sure, the frantic pre-chorus is effective, with how the “HEAVEN KNOWS WE ARE” part leaps out. And the chorus barrels through as this rooftop declaration of the power of love (“I CROSS MY HEARRRRT”). But the melody and production aren't very unique? The “sto-o-o-op” stutters do nothing for me either. The song starts low, with bubbles and faint frosty crashes. Then the snaps and audience claps come in. Then the pre-chorus jumps into broken ticks, as Aisel's vocal startles everyone awake. Then the chorus releases a generic dance beat (I like the subtle clinks though). While the next pre-chorus uses a sputtering synth instead. The lyrics mention the heaven, stars and moon to convey the power of the universe. But some lines are nonsensical, like “Misty moon I'm your loon” or “Tear down the firewalls”. Or corny like “I'm stronger than cannonballs”. Also, the triangular platform staging is whatever. It begins with Aisel laying down alone on a misty stage. Then she runs around. Then she stands on a triangle with outstretched arms to make the chorus seem powerful – the backing members do the same in the later choruses. There's also this snowy globe visual effect during the bridge that looks tacky. × Iceland: Ari Ólafsson - Our Choice The most predictable result of SF1 was Iceland finishing dead last. They even got 0 televote points, becoming their 4th consecutive NQ. “Our Choice” is my least favourite type of Eurovision ballad. The kind where I'm just waiting for it to be over. The song is so tedious. And the instrumental is just a bland, flavourless, overdone, thick stew of nothingness. The first verse/chorus follows piano notes and Ari's snoozy lower vocal. Then the drums enter in the second verse, where he shifts to a whinier vocal style. Then the backing singers join in later. But that drum beat is so “blah”. The bridge also doesn't try hard enough to intensify the drum beat. Moreover, Ari's performance is overly sentimental and cringey. Like when he shoves the mic stand aside, or when he lets out that falsetto scream, or when he tears up and makes heart-hands at the end. His smiles are ugh too. The lyrics are about the choice we make in how we treat each other. While the bridge warns against turning a blind eye because it could be you suffering. But the words aren't very deep and the tone is too sappy, so the message doesn't resonate. It's an uninspiring inspirational song. ✓ Albania: Eugent Bushpepa - Mall As of 2023, this is Albania's third best result at 11th. And I just... don't get it. I blame the juries. The first verse is promising though. It's driven by these excited, booming, fist-pounding drums, alongside an acoustic guitar and a quick clacking sound. It captures the feeling of brave anticipation and journeying onward. But the rest of the song is filled with Eugent's ear-ache-inducing screams, which I cannot get past. I also find the chorus melody quite annoying. During the first chorus, the instrumental pauses for a clapping segment and a few guitar jabs, then it moves into usual rock instrumentation. The stage also changes colours from dark blue in the verses to red in the chorus. The second verse, by contrast, flows with less obstruction, while the second chorus skips the clapping and adds busy strings instead. “Mall” can be best categorized as a folk rock song. Lyrically, it describes what yearning someone feels like. The yearning doesn't know boundaries or distance. It's indescribable. You're living in a dream. It doesn't go away with time. It's painful. The lyrics are solid enough, but the screaming is a deal-breaker. Yeah, the first verse has a vibe, but the chorus does not. × Belgium: Sennek - A Matter of Time And now I blame the public. This was a safe qualifier before rehearsals. But the unmemorable staging and the early running order hurt it. Sennek mostly just shows expressive body language on the audience walkway. But the staging isn't bad. And the opening shot of her blurry arm in a narrow horizontal frame kinda works. The camera focuses and expands itself after, as Sennek opens her eyes The stage is also darkly lit, except for the flashing lights in the chorus. “A Matter of Time” is stylistically similar to “City Lights”, but I don't mind since I loved “City Lights”. Lyrically, the song addresses common avoidance behaviour from people – hiding emotion to avoid conflict; escaping into cheap sensations; trying to retrieve the golden past. And how we run away from our problems. The song opens with sparse, sombre piano notes. Then the light drums come in, with occasional squiggly beeps. This low-key instrumental, along with Sennek's softer vocal, gives the verses an intimate, dark ambient vibe, like meeting in a hotel room with the lights off. Next, the pre-chorus adds smooth strings, leading to a scratchy transition. Then the chorus is more panicked to disrupt the fantasy, where Sennek exclaims “BEFORE IT ALL ECHO-ECHOES”. It even echoes the word “echo”! I used to find that main hook annoying, but it works as a reality check. Sennek concludes it's only “a matter of time” before your problems catch up with you. It's a relatable message. I like how she says “I suppose” too. ✓ Czech Republic: Mikolas Josef - Lie to Me As of 2023, this is Czechia's best result (6th). I mean... the track is well-produced. The brass breakdowns are catchy (and reminiscent of mid-2010s hits like “Talk Dirty” or “Problem”). The backing dancers look like they're in a music video every time the camera cuts to them (there's screens behind them and the wide aspect ratio). And Mikolas's suspenders and glasses stands out. He even did that jump after injuring his back in rehearsal (I'm guessing it was originally a flip). But the backpack kid homage and the flossing is so 2018 and so cringe. Not to mention the white boy rapping. The lyrics are amusing though. There's sexual innuendos: “got me making a puddle”, “set my camel in the mood”, “I know you (gibberish) on his wood bamboo”. 💀💀💀 Modern slang: “wannabe couple goals queen”. The mysterious “GGY” acronym. And of course: “wanna eat my spaghetti”. The song is about Mikolas getting turned on by his girlfriend cheating on him. He doesn't care. Everyone seems to know except the other guy... who's his friend. The production has a lot going on too. The song opens with a rattle and pops. Then there's a clappy beat, rings clanging together, and a funky guitar everywhere. Then the pre-chorus adds breathing. And the chorus builds up via brass stomps, followed by an accelerating ticking / popping beat, leading to the brass breakdowns. The backing vocals emphasize certain parts too. The song's rhythm and Mikola's stage presence convey swagger. He uses monotone rapping sometimes too. ✓ Lithuania: Ieva Zasimauskaitė - When We're Old 12th place makes sense for this. “When We're Old” is an overwhelmingly sentimental ballad with a slow pace, but Ieva's emotional performance gets to me. It's like she's about to cry on stage, especially at the end. Her voice trembles in the verses; finding it hard to speak. She can't even finish the line “And if you leave I would…” (it's a word rhymes that with “goodbye”). The verses also have long pauses after each line. But the melody picks up in the chorus, which peaks with that “OH OH OLD” shout. The instrumental, meanwhile, does everything it can to remain as delicate and restrained as possible. Which establishes a vibe of feeling too fragile to move. The atmosphere is like a pensive stroll down memory lane too. The instrumental is a fairly standard piano ballad. The chorus introduces droplets of guitar and tambourine (or clacks the second time). The second verse also adds bass guitar plucks. But the instruments move one note a time. The lyrics, meanwhile, are straightforward and sweet. Ieva thinks about the past and the future of the relationship. They've been together long enough to be certain. There's no doubts or conflicts. It's just the dream of growing old together. On stage, Ieva sits on the floor for a while, as holograms of various aged couples appear next to her. Then she walks to the bridge, where a guy enters to hold her hand (to match the final lyric). ✓ Israel: Netta - Toy (winner review in Grand Final post) × Belarus: Alekseev - Forever #StandWithUkraine “NO NEED TO WORRY RAIN FALLING DOWN”... that chorus melody progresses in such an undeniably, instantly catchy way. But Alekseev's heartbroken, sobbing vocal/stage presence comes off hammy. And the staging takes itself too seriously. First, the camera shows him looking down at a rose, which he then sings to. Then he sets the rose down, the camera spins around it, and a backing dancer grabs it. Then she uses a bow to shoot the rose back to him. Then animated rose petals explode from his chest. Then he turns around to reveal roses sewn on his back. I'm just rolling my eyes at this point. The backing dancer's choreo is captivating though. Her red dress matches the theme! In the song, Alekseev announces this must be love. He can't stay away. Time hasn't changed anything. His reality breaks when she arrives. He's unfazed by the rain (bad times), and he mentions forever. It's typical love song stuff. But the song doesn't have a joyful atmosphere – it's actually sorrowful, melancholic, and heartbroken. The production starts as a grieving piano ballad. Then by the second verse, the tap-tap-splash drums and strings become prominent. While the second/third choruses have a raining down misery vibe. Then the bridge retreats to solemn piano, followed by an instrumental break. ✓ Estonia: Elina Nechayeva - La forza Funny how Estonia returns to the top 10 every 3-4 contests lately (2009, 2012, 2015, 2018, 2023). Normally I find opera annoying, but “La forza” is breathtakingly gorgeous. Elina's voice is angelic and the staging is perfect. Since 2018 had no LED screen, her long dress became a quasi LED instead! It depicts swirling colourful patterns in a mesmerizing way. The concept is simple, creative and brilliant. The song is about “the force of destiny”, with Italian lyrics for the pure opera experience. In “La forza”, Elina mentions a star that's important to her. It gives clarity in the path to take. It won't abandon her. She also says destiny brings her to happiness, but questions if it's real. The lyrics seem spiritual. Musically, the verses are comprised of icy piano/strings, with a couple orchestral ocean swells, while Elina's voice sounds mystical. Said verses move in slow and steady footsteps, and paint the image of a cold winter night by a frozen lake in solitude. The chorus contrasts this by switching to operatic vocals and slamming “tribal” drums. This part feels like an external force is levitating Elina to the heavens. There's also this powering down sound used for transitions. And a star-shining ping. The second verse, meanwhile, adds snowy footstep crunches and snowy echoes. I like how this part concludes with cut-up syllables of “per. l'e. tern. i. ta.” and multiple camera cuts. Finally, the song ends with a high note. ✓ Bulgaria: Equinox - Bones Expectations were high for Bulgaria this year – this was #2 in the odds at one point (it ended up 14th). The song feels calculated though. The chorus melody (“I love beyond the booones”) is stiff and unsatisfying. Equinox seems like 5 individuals thrown together (I think this is the only song they ever made). And their live performance comes off pretentious. Like how they stand frozen in darkness at the beginning. The editing tricks don't help - the cuts, the split screens, the black smoke, the triple-vision effect. But they're good singers / performers, and the song's dark production is intriguing. There's a wobbly bass-line running through “Bones”. The intro and outro also include some distortions, giving a submerged in dark water vibe. The verses, meanwhile, use kicking percussion, with a couple alert sounds inserted. Then the pre-chorus slides with the light guitar and harmonies. The “what is life...” melody is decent in this part; the moon-howling “BONES” less so. Next, the flow completely stops in the chorus. But the ensuing wavy-sounding drop is my fave part, making the payoff worthwhile. It's an intense song. The slam transitions work too. I don't need Zhana's screams though. The lyrics describe breaking past the limitations Earth imposes on us. And loving beyond the physical body. The verses talk about letting go to “feel it, feel it, feel it”. The phrase “beyond the bones” is awkward though, it makes me think of skeletons. I guess “flesh and bones” had too many syllables. × F.Y.R. Macedonia: Eye Cue - Lost and Found This was my NUMBER ONE before the live shows. It even reached #2 in my personal chart. But I cannot defend this performance. The stage direction looks disorganized. Marija lacks fierceness. Her vocals aren't the best. Her interactions with Bojan are off. The “go deeper”s are kinda awkward. And whenever Marija joins the backing for the chorus, it's so messy and it ruins all power the chorus has. I like when she teleports in front of Bojan at the start though. This is the “Verona” of 2018. It's also North Macedonia's 6th straight NQ! “Lost and Found” is like two different songs stitched together. It opens with guitar flicks, followed by anticipatory drums. But then the song abruptly switches to a reggae beat for the verses, changing the vibe out of nowhere. Then the pre-chorus repeats intro (with snaps added in), except this time it actually builds to something: a guitar driving through a tunnel. Then two guitar notes transition to the chorus, which is a claustrophobic chant of “HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT ABOUT IT”, alongside a clappy beat that's like choppy rapids. Said chorus is an ominous warning: They went too far! There's no way back! The song is about Marija inviting her love interest to come along. She wants to experience a “deeper love”, but they're holding back from fear. The verses are flirtatious, while the chorus has a “point of no return” vibe. The disparate genres somehow work together though. It's a fresh idea. Plus the build-up to the chorus is exciting. × Croatia: Franka - Crazy I don't mind this. My biggest issue is Franka's off-putting body language on stage. It's like she's trying too hard to look intense. There isn't much else happening on stage either. There's an opening shot of Franka's outstretched arm, and bright flashing smoke behind her. But that's it. The lyrics are mostly bland infatuation stuff as well: he's like a black-and-white movie. They're like Bonnie & Clyde. She doesn't need diamonds and pearls. There's no reason, no games, no fear, no breaks. Something about “roses and horses in the rain”. There's also a random spoken word section. And the chorus only contains 5 words. BUT the instrumental is what grabs my attention - it continually punches, but not in an intimidating way. There's also distorted “ahh uhh ohh”s and dying animal squeals all over the song. The first verse employs bass vibrations, snaps and a harp(?). Until it's interrupted by a series of rapid heartbeat bangs, to complete the line “you make my heart go...” The rest of the verse includes this circling guitar thing, plus several more bangs. Then the pre-chorus percussion switches to a snare (with an orchestral descent). Then the beat pauses when Franka hesitates during “and I-I-I-I-I-I go... ”, which is very effective, to be completed by a buzz-slam on “...crazy”. Then there's loud brass blasts during “LAH-AH-AH-VE”, and more at the end of the chorus. Next, the second verse and the bridge both dial back, before returning to the heavier beats. The production is complex but uncluttered. ✓ Austria: Cesár Sampson - Nobody but You An obvious jury winner in retrospect. The song is radio-friendly, Cesár's vocals are solid, he's a likeable and confident performer, and he feels the lyrics. “Nobody but You” is a non-religious gospel song. There's a choir, an organ, and the lyrics mention “lord” and “bible”. But he tells the Lord he's getting high lol. It's about wanting someone back. Cesár's mind is set; he's going for it. He can't move on. He doesn't want a new partner. He declares it isn't right to let go, but rhetorically asks if he's wrong. The first verse is minimal, with a few piano notes and distorted wails, as the camera shows darkly lit close-ups of his face. Then the pre-chorus powers up. Then the chorus explodes (“it wouldn't be RIGHT letting you GO”), where the organ and “boom-clap” beat arrive, and Cesár towers above everyone on a platform twice his height. He's larger than life! There's also a god-like translucent image of him at one point. Meanwhile, the production lunges outward during the “ain't nobody” responses, which interrupts in a good way. Next, the beat pauses for some gospel “WHOA-OH”s. While the second verse keeps the percussion. Then the pleading bridge sees the vocals/choir/organ let loose, as Cesár leaves the restrictive platform to move freely near the audience. Which is welcomed, since the rest of the song is so structured. Maybe overly so. Still, the chorus progression is great, the choir elevates the song, and there's an optimistic atmosphere/outlook here. × Greece: Yianna Terzi - Oniro mou So Yianna “won” the national selection because the other 4 entries were disqualified. 💀Still, this >>> “This Is Love”. The instrumental is undeniably Greek. It paints the image of springtime fields at dawn, but with an uneasy calmness. Like feeling reluctance over the status quo. The chorus chants are ominous too. The lyrics are presumably about Greece, in a defensive way. In the chorus, Yianna declares her patriotism: “I'd die for you / I'd give my life for you”, and how she wouldn't strike Greece off the map. While the verses are from the POV of Greece itself as if it could talk. They advocate for appreciation and question the negative changes. Yianna later asks “but why?” in disbelief. Musically, the song opens with a humming bass-line and a flute. But the rest of “Oniro mou” is dominated by forceful, pounding, earthquake drums that consume all attention. They pound twice in the verses. And they only stop during the chorus to enhance its ominousness (except for the second chorus where they march right through). The second verse also contains synth droplets and brings the flute back. While the bridge involves a “tribal” drum breakdown with bagpipes(?), and sparklers and smoke on stage, leading to rising strings. The beat then pauses after the bridge peaks. The staging is empty otherwise. Yianna's hand is painted grey and there's flashing lights behind her. That's about it. The song's melody is a little sleepy, but the mood is nice, and the backing vocals enhance it. ✓ Finland: Saara Aalto - Monsters The “Where I Am” of 2018. Both Anja and Saara competed on foreign singing shows before entering Eurovision. In Saara's case, she came 2nd on UK X Factor 2016. And both songs could be improved. “Monsters” is a basic bop, but I'm fine with it qualifying. The lyrics revert to childhood times of being scared of the monsters under the bed. It's a metaphor for mental health. Saara tried to pretend it didn't exist, but now she's grown to “make friends” with it. So she declares she ain't scared no more - the monsters won't control her life. She sounds brave and ready to take things on. The production is dark and haunting too. It starts with ominous distant voices, a humming bass-line, and a creepy-crawling piano. This leads to a swelling synth transition. Then some repressed boops. Then a clappy / broken tick build-up (with a brief buzzer). Then the “drop” unleashes a xylophone-like breakdown. The child-like “I ain't, I ain't, I ain't scared no more” bit is anticlimactic though. Next, the second verse adds a snappy beat. While the second/final choruses are high energy. With the bridge providing a break from that energy. On stage, Saara is initially attached to a spinning wheel with two dancers next to her. Then during the drop, they walk away together. Then Saara dances a little bit with the backing. Finally, there's a pyro finale, and Saara jumps off the staircase into the dancers' arms. × Armenia: Sevak Khanagyan - Qami I had no recollection of this song existing. But I can call it underrated now! I think the issue with “Qami” is the somewhat jarring switch around the 2/3 mark. The song goes from smooth to angsty. But I think it works. Sevak gives a passionate performance. He stands on a darkly lit misty stage, surrounded by a circular array of pillars, in a wide aspect ratio. The stage eventually lights up when the song switches. Lyrically, “Qami” is a cryptic song about the wind. Like how the winds are deaf when the soul is empty (HUH?) I'm guessing Sevak feels disassociated from his environment. He's disillusioned by love after a heartbreak (“the starts were lying”). The memories were blown away. He wants to fly back to the person. He has a reason to feel wronged and angry. Musically, the song builds step by step to its climax. The first verse is a depressed piano ballad. Then an acoustic guitar elevates the first chorus, which teases something bigger is coming. Said chorus has a dreamy longing vibe. After this, the second verse adds snowy echoes. And by this point, the moody strings are apparent. Then the second chorus instrumental is fuller. Then a few drum pounds signal the switch-over, where Sevak's voice turns hoarse, the backing singers repeat themselves, and the beat turns dubstep-y; followed by electric guitars slicing through everything. × Switzerland: Zibbz - Stones I'm shocked this didn't qualify. Switzerland's 4th consecutive NQ in fact. The chorus is killer (“NO I AIN'T THROWING STONES”). There's catchy “Ahh-UHM!”s everywhere. The horn blasts are like knockout punches, or a barking dog. And the band holds fireworks at the song's climax. What's not to love? The instrumental is combative, but I like the attitude. The live version changes the intro – now there's 3 horn blasts (each light up the stage) before the beat kicks in. We're starting with a bang! The verses then use snap-shut drums and quick guitar flicks, and horns to finish stanzas. There's some “HEY”s thrown in there too. The beat stops in the pre-chorus, until the heavy door knocks. Then the chorus is LOUD. And the bridge builds with heavy foot stomps. The lyrics list various societal issues – jokers on thrones, wrong people holding information, the “NIMBY” mindset, falling behind in advancement, war, ignoring facts, not learning from the past, conformity, body image. But singer Coco Gfeller concludes she “can't do anything about it”, so she “ain't throwing stones”. It's a reference to that idiom about not judging others who have the same faults as you. She's not here to criticize whoever's guilty of these things. It's a refreshing take compared to past political ESC songs. It condemns a holier-than-thou attitude. It's pragmatic. Most of the performance is just Coco walking around the stage though, except for the firework and when she stands on the drum kit at the end. ✓ Ireland: Ryan O'Shaughnessy - Together Ireland finally returns to the final. But I don't see how “Together” is different from the ballads they usually send? I can't help but feel it's because of the staging. It involves a gay couple. They walk across the bridge holding hands. They dance around a park bench next to a street lamp. And snow falls down on them during the quiet part of the song. It's like a music video. I love seeing LGBT+ representation. The song also has an easy melody that floats like a cloud, but that melody is kind of bland. Ryan's vocals add sensitive vulnerability to the song though. The soft instrumental complements that mood. It's the vibe of a sweet embrace; and a romantic soundtrack for the dancers. The verses contain light piano and acoustic guitar. The second verse also adds in tapping, then switches to snapping. The chorus, meanwhile, uses tambourine clicks to set the pace. The song also goes quiet before the final chorus. And the backing vocals and a louder piano elevate that last chorus. But the lyrical story isn't that interesting? Ryan put work into this relationship. His ex lied that they were fine. He suspects his ex found someone else. Then Ryan spends the chorus wondering why their “til death” promise failed (the bridge implies it's a broken wedding vow). The chorus lyrics are lacking in substance for me too. ✓ Cyprus: Eleni Foureira - Fuego My winner of 2018. Shocking I know. The choreo is just WOW. Every move they make in unison is mesmerizing – the squats, the hair flips, the bend-overs, the back turns, the pointing. The sideways strut is my fave though. Eleni's confidence is insane. Her slow-mo entrance is cool too. There's also red smoke and fire animations, and a pyro finale. Plus the song is jam-packed with hooks – the “high high highs”/ “fly fly flyin'” repetitions, the “CUZ I'M WAY UP” shout, and of course: “AH YEAH AH YEAH AH YEAH!” The instrumental breaks get stuck in my head too (they're like a fire dance). And the production is Major Lazer-esque. The song's atmosphere is a scorching hot inferno. It opens with a plop, followed by a traditional woodwind blowing like smoke, leading to a click-plop. Then the first verse has these little howls. While the pre-chorus brings in the kicking beat, leading to a crash. After which, the chorus retreats into acoustic mode, before the steps escalate. But it's not over – the chorus builds up TWICE! Next, the woodwind steadily emerges (the pauses after “Fuego” are SO good here). Then the woodwind runs wild with percussion pushing along. Also, the second verse uses the first pre-chorus production. And the final chorus ignores the above steps and runs free. Eleni said “Fuego” is about female empowerment. The lyrics don't explicitly say that. But her fierce attitude is empowering. The verses are flirtatious. She has powerful lioness eyes. She's drawn to subtle gestures. She has no ulterior motives. While the chorus describes the effect this person has. “You got me pelican fly fly flyin'” is a funny lyric though. “Fuego” is designed to be catchy not deep. My Ranking: 01. Cyprus: Eleni Foureira - Fuego ✓ 02. Estonia: Elina Nechayeva - La forza ✓ 03. Switzerland: Zibbz - Stones 04. Austria: Cesár Sampson - Nobody but You ✓ 05. Belgium: Sennek - A Matter of Time 06. Armenia: Sevak Khanagyan - Qami 07. Lithuania: Ieva Zasimauskaitė - When We're Old ✓ 08. Czech Republic: Mikolas Josef - Lie to Me ✓ 09. F.Y.R. Macedonia: Eye Cue - Lost and Found 10. Greece: Yianna Terzi - Oniro mou 11. Finland: Saara Aalto - Monsters ✓ 12. Croatia: Franka - Crazy 13. Bulgaria: Equinox - Bones ✓ 14. Belarus: Alekseev - Forever 15. Israel: Netta - Toy ✓ 16. Azerbaijan: Aisel - X My Heart 17. Ireland: Ryan O'Shaughnessy - Together ✓ 18. Albania: Eugent Bushpepa - Mall ✓ 19. Iceland: Ari Ólafsson - Our Choice

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ggukkiedae · 3 years

Text

❝𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕒𝕣𝕖𝕟’𝕥❞

𝚗𝚘𝚝𝚎𝚜:

⇢ hannah gets two different points of view regarding her dilemma: within the group and out of the group

⇢ set in late march 2018

𝚠𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜:

⇢ hints at self-esteem issues

𝚛𝚎𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚜:

⇢ conversations written in italics are spoken in english. feedback is highly appreciated!

Hannah took a deep breath as she entered the dark practice room. It had become a habit to leave only one of the corner lights on so it wouldn’t look like there was anyone in there. This way, no one came in before she left in the morning.

She sighed. Having to decline Donghyuck’s offer of a lunch date despite their schedule was upsetting mostly because she knew it made him sad. She tossed her bag to the side and settled next to the door.

“Rough day?”

The unfamiliar voice caught her attention. She looked up and saw someone near the mirrors. She nodded. “Yeah, a little.”

“Sorry, you might not know me,” he walked towards her and hestured to the floor in front of her asking if he could sit, which she obliged, “but we’ve been talking to each other on katalk because of Jaemin.”

Her eyes lit up with realization. “Yangyang!”

“That’s me.”

“Sorry you had to see me all exhausted for the first time we meet in person.” A guilty smile made its way up to her face.

He shook his head at her statement. “No, it’s fine. I get it. Not to mention you’re being overworked, aren’t you? With being in all the promotions?”

“You have no idea.”

A short silence fell between the two, but it wasn’t awkward. It was quite comforting, actually. The last few days basically had her not talking to people comfortably, so it was nice to just sit and not be cautious about throwing off the other members’ dynamics or making them uncomfortable.

“If I’m not overstepping,” the trainee began while scratching the back of his neck, “have you been okay? I’ve seen the articles about you recently, and the other trainees have been talking about how you spend so much time in practice rooms even if you have a full schedule.”

She smiled at him. “Let’s just say I really need to catch up with the 127 members in terms of skill.”

He gave her a confused look at her statement. “You know, you’re just as skilled as them. The higher ups wouldn’t have added you if you weren’t.”

“They would for publicity.”

“Fine, you have a point.” His slightly disappointed grumble made her laugh. “With you, though, it’s because of your talent. They saw your potential for more mature concepts. Not to mention you’re pretty popular among the trainees for being a powerful vocalist and rapper despite having a main dancer position.”

Admittedly, hearing those words were assuring. She scanned his face for a bit as if looking for any signs of lies, yet she found none. A small smile made its way onto her face before disappearing upon remembering her being the cause of her members’ discomfort.

“It’s a little more than that, but thanks.”

Just then, Yangyang’s phone lit up with a notification. The boy checked it quick before looking at Hannah apologetically.

“Well, I’m going to have to leave you here,” he told her. “The others are looking for me.”

“Go on and get some sleep.”

He nodded and stood up before looking at her again. “Just so you know, the other NCT members love having you around. I hear them talk about you fondly a lot around the company. If something’s wrong, I’m sure they’d be willing to help.”

Hannah watched while Yangyang left the room. His words took up her mind. The other members talked about her? They liked having her around? What happened to them having to change the way they act because she was there?

In all honesty, she’s been pretty sad about not really hanging out with the other members the whole week. She felt bad everytime she turned a member down when they offered for her to join them. As introverted as she was, all the noisy meals she’d be part of, her hanging out in the 127 dorms, just everything, she missed it.

She shook her head with a chuckle before speaking out loud. “NCT, look what you’ve done to me. You’ve made me miss human interaction.”

She stood up and dusted herself off. Maybe a few runs of different choreographies would help her clear her mind. After all, it would be productive. Perfect the choreography while avoiding thoughts, right? It’s not like she hasn’t done it before. She’d do it again.

Except, she couldn’t.

The doors to the practice room burst open once again, except this time it was none other than her twin flame followed by her two best friends. She groaned when she saw the determined look on Donghyuck’s face, already knowing he would not leave her until he gets what he wants. And she her suspicions.

“Lee Haeeun,” Donghyuck started packing her things as he scolded her, “You are coming with me to the 127 dorms where we are going to have a big dinner then sleeping in. It’s a practice day tomorrow, anyway. We’re calling in sick.”

Her suspicions were correct.

“I don’t think that’s necessary.” The look she received from Jaemin while silently asking for help was one she knew all too well. Jeno slipped off to the side to look for her jacket.

“Listen to him, Hannah,” Jaemin approached her, holding her face in his hands. The way she didn’t push him away made him worry. She usually hates when people do stuff like this to her. “We know you’ve been using my mix of coffee to stay awake. We know you haven’t been going back to the dorms at all. From the looks of it, you’re spending all your time practicing. What did I tell you about overworking yourself?”

“Not to,” she mumbled while looking down.

She felt her coat being draped around her shoulders. Jeno helped her slip her arms through the sleeve before throwing an arm around her. He gave Jaemin a quick glance, leaving the latter to nod before approaching Donghyuck. That left the two other 00s just out of ear’s reach if they spoke lowly.

“Don’t look at me like that,” she rolled her eyes while lightly pushing Jeno’s chin to make him face the opposite direction. “I had my reasons.”

He chuckled just the slightest bit. “I know. It would help, though, if you tell us your reasons. Haechan’s been worried sick, and I’m pretty sure Jaemin’s close to having you on house arrest after finding out you haven’t been in your dorm for a while.”

She bit her lip, pondering on what to do. Was it worth it to tell them that she felt out of place in the group after two years of promoting with them? Or would they think it’s stupid? Maybe they’d agree that she wasn’t enough to be grouped with them. What if they judged her for all this and thought she was annoying or dramatic? All these thoughts were eating away at her mind, making her completely unaware of the fact that her nails were digging into the palms of her hands. Her actions went completely unnoticed by her until she felt Jeno lightly pry her hands open and press his handkerchief to one of her hands while he held the other.

“It’s fine,” he reminded her as their two friends approached them. “It’s just me, Hyuck, and Nana.”

“We’d never judge you no matter what, Haeeunie.”

Donghyuck led her over to the couch and sat her down, Jeno crouching right by them and Jaemin sitting behind Hannah to begin braiding her hair. Something he liked to do to make her feel relaxed.

Was she really going to tell these three what was going on? She could just say that she felt like she needed the extra practice. That would get her scolded, though. She could say she’s been sleeping over at Yoonmi’s. Then again, Mark could easily call the younger girl and ask if it’s true. Besides, the internationally popular 01 liner had a lot on her plate already. She could say that she’s been hanging out with Yangyang more. One look at Donghyuck made her think twice. Either he’d immediately tell she was lying because he’d know when she made new friends in real life, or he’d get overprotective and end up leading to another katalk incident type rant.

She took a deep breath. Maybe the truth would be the best?

“I guess I just thought I needed to give you guys a little space.”

Her statement was met with confused looks from the three boys. Why would she need to give the rest of the members space? If anything, the members needed to give her space considering how much coddling she was receiving, especially since she wasn’t used to it and found it uncomfortable.

“Nothing bad, I promise,” she said as she shook her hands at them, “I was just thinking. I have to do a lot to catch up with the 127 members and the U members as well. Not to mention I need to pick up my skill since you guys and the rest of the dreamies are becoming better dancers than I am. I have to be up to par with your level, you know?”

“And who told you this?” Donghyuck’s eyes darkened upon hearing her indirectly put herself down. “Who told you that you weren’t up to par with us?”

“Don’t tell me you’ve read the articles,” Jaemin cooed at her as he finished braiding her hair. He rested his hands on her shoulders and pressed a light kiss to the top of her head.

Jeno, on the other hand, squinted his eyes at her. “You did. You’re overthinking again, Hannah.”

“No, I’m not.” The way her fist clenched tighter around the boy’s handkerchief did not go unnoticed.

“Yes, you are,” Jeno told her. “First things first, you’ve been training for longer than a lot of the hyungs in the company. You even did gymnastics, cheerleading, and some dancing before getting here. Second, you’re a way better dancer than us. You understand your body and the way it moves really well. I don’t know about the hyungs, but we go to you for help with our dance, remember?”

“That’s my Haeeunie,” Donghyuck lightly patted her cheek. “Top notch dancer, can’t be beat. This is why you shouldn’t listen to these airheads if they say you’re not up to par with us.”

A small smile made its way to her face. “Thanks, guys.”

“No,” Jeno inserted, “there’s more. You wouldn’t be avoiding the hyungs in the waiting room and in schedules just because you think you’re not up to par with them. What else is going on?”

She looked at them one by one, Jeno’s knowing look and Jaemin’s worried look burning into her skin. She glanced at Donghyuck and saw the guilt in his eyes.

“You already know, don’t you? I guess I feel out of place. The 127 oppas have been together for so long and have their own dynamics, and suddenly I’m there making them act different. I don’t wanna impose on anything. Not to mention, being in a group with 18 men as a girl can be pretty overwhelming. I’m the odd one out, it’s pretty obvious.”

“No, you aren’t. I was gone for a year. If anything, I’m the odd one out. I missed out on so many things. But I’m not. You’re not, either.”

The hands on her shoulders moved to encircle her waist, pulling her to Jaemin’s chest as he spoke to her. Her hair was getting the slightest bit messed up from him nuzzling it with his cheek. The two boys in front of her, however, exchanged glances.

Jeno looked at her seriously. “Have you talked to Yoonmi about this? She’d be the one to understand that feeling the most, wouldn’t she?”

“She has her own problems right now. I don’t wanna stress the poor kid out even more.”

“You’re not imposing on anything, you know?” Donghyuck asked her. This brought all her attention towards him. “The hyungs love having you around, and they want to hangout with you. They’re just getting used to it since they’re not as used to you as we are. But they really want you to be comfortable with them.”

“Yuta hyung’s upset that you don’t do Japanese lessons with him anymore,” Jaemin added. This made her feel guiltier.

So they didn’t see her as an outcast? They wanted her around? Now, she’s just been selfish by drawing back and avoiding them to protect her own feelings without even considering the fact that she could be upsetting the others.

“Oh.”

That was all that could come out of her mouth.

“Hey,” Jeno began while resting a comforting hand on her knee, “it’s inevitable for some things to change, alright? That doesn’t mean you’re the odd one out. The hyungs just aren’t sure how to treat you, especially after Taeyong hyung set down a few rules. They love you, though, and they want to be close with you.”

“And if the netizens say I’m trying too hard by being close to the others and ruining their dynamics?”

Jeno scoffed at that. “Let them. They don’t know us, and they don’t know you. They don’t know what goes on in the group. Everyone has something bad to say about everything. About Haechan, Jaemin, me, everyone. Even Jisung, and he’s just a kid. What they think doesn’t matter though, as long as we know what really does, right? Our group’s friendship.”

As much as she wanted to disagree with Jeno and say that they needed to take the public’s thoughts into account as idols, she knew he was right. As people, they had to remember to not think too much about what strangers think. It would be hard, but she knew she had to try.

“Right,” she finally agreed after a moment of silence. The smile on Jeno’s face grew, and Jaemin’s hands tightened around her.

“We are having a fun lunch with the hyungs tomorrow,” Donghyuck hopped up out of his seat and pulled her with him, “then having a dreamie dinner for the first time in a while. For now, though, you’re coming home with me to my dorm, not yours.”

“No more avoiding or over-practicing, alright, Hannah?” Jaemin gently brushed some of the stray strands of her hair out of her face then gave her a quick kiss on the cheek after she nodded. She scrunched her face up in disgust, making them laugh. Donghyuck was leading her out the door, Jaemin hot on their tail until she realized she left her stuff. With an abrupt halt, she turned to grab her bag but was met with Jeno’s cheeky smile.

“I already got your stuff, you goldfish,” he laughed at her. “Looks like the lack of sleep has been affecting your memory.”

“Oh, shut up, Jen.”

#hannah.nct2018 #nct 24th member #nct dream 8th member #nct female member #nct female addition #hannah.yanghan #hannah.2sun #hannah.minnah #hannah.nonah #hannah #lee hannah

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aion-rsa · 3 years

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How the Jaws Scene in Back to the Future Part 2 Predicted Modern Blockbusters

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Back to the Future Part II is a strange movie. As a sequel that director Robert Zemeckis and screenwriter Bob Gale never intended to make, the ambitious follow-up to one of the greatest sci-fi comedies of all time was put into production simultaneously with Part III, which may have ultimately hurt the middle chapter since Zemeckis was still shooting scenes filmed in the Old West while editing Part II’s trippy vision of the then distant future…of 2015.

Even so, there are elements in the second Back to the Future that still play like gangbusters today, particularly in the sequences set during 2015. To be sure, part of the charm now is what those wild guesses about the future got wrong—such as the idea we’d all be driving around in flying cars, or even simply own cheap cars that didn’t run on fossil fuels. There were no real hover boards in 2015 (or 2021 for that matter), nor even automated Texaco pumps. Yet what Back to the Future Part II got very right is the numbing horror of something like Jaws 19.

Indeed, one of the best bits in the whole film is a slight dig at BTTF’s own studio, as well as the legacy of the film’s producer. The original Jaws is of course the first modern Hollywood blockbuster and it put Steven Spielberg on the map. With its innovative storytelling of leaving the monster to the imagination before finally providing the spectacle in the third act, Jaws is a masterpiece in narrative restraint that could still play for all audiences.

…Which is something no one would say about the three cash-in Jaws sequels that Universal Pictures green lit in the span of 12 years after 1975. In fact, when Back to the Future Part II was released in ’89, it’d only been two years since Jaws: The Revenge, the one where the ghost of Jaws went Bahamas and chased the Chief Brody character’s widow to the Caribbean while on a vendetta for what happened in ’75. It’s kind of hilarious.

As is the scene in Back to the Future Part II. In that sequence, Michael J. Fox’s Marty McFly stands slack jawed in the middle of Hill Valley’s town square, the same space that was so memorably used in the first BTTF film where Marty was forced to finally accept he’d traveled to the year 1985. In the sequel, he comes to realize what it means to be in 2015 when he turns around to face the local multiplex, which has only one film on its marquee: Jaws 19. And then to demonstrate to Marty the state of 21st century special effects, the “HOLOMAX” release teases its thrills as a holographic Great White Shark emerges from the building and descends on Marty’s head.

Perhaps like many an audience member who choked on their popcorn kernels in ’75 with fear, Marty screams bloody murder—and then realizes it’s just a movie and scoffs, “The shark still looks fake.” Yes, it always did, but at least in the first movie that didn’t matter so much.

At the time, the scene was a nice dig at Universal’s expense as well as the Jaws franchise as a whole. What was once the most revolutionary Hollywood movie of 1975 had become a punchline by 1989: a once glorious title that’d been run into the ground with endless cash grab sequels. And the joke is even funnier because of the “19” in the title. Nineteen movies of the same franchise. Could you even imagine?!

Oh, how sweet the irony is, then, that one of the most absurd notions in Back to the Future Part II turned out to be the most true! No, there haven’t been 19 Jaws movies (yet), but that might be by virtue of the studio churning the franchise’s mystique into putty before Gen-Xers and Millennials could grow up with it beneath unsullied nostalgia glasses. Nevertheless, the future where Jaws 19 could exist came true.

Consider that we scoff at the idea of 19 Jaws movies being made in 40 years, but Marvel Studios has released 25 pictures in only 13, with two more due out before Christmas 2021. And that doesn’t even include the television shows that are now coming to dominate Disney+.

I know what some will say: Marvel movies are a series of interconnected franchises, as opposed to one amorphous content farm. But that’s not entirely accurate. There are exceptions, of course, which stand out as singularly distinct from other MCU efforts. There’s Black Panther, for instance. That 2018 Oscar nominee is totally removed from the events of The Avengers, you might say. Then there’s Guardians of the Galaxy and its wacky space opera shenanigans occurring literal light years away from the events of Iron Man 3.

And yet, the appeal for most moviegoers, and the brilliance of Marvel’s marketing strategy, is that they all seem like the same thing to the undiscerning eye. And even to the discerning one, there is a pat familiarity to the formula, story beats, and sitcom-esque ability to wink at the audience at its own silliness. Tonally, they all feel of one piece. Hence why the first Shang-Chi movie was gladly welcomed by the industry last month as Marvel’s latest blockbuster hit—a feat borne in large off it being the next Marvel movie, as opposed to a new original property without a built-in audience.

It’s an aspect to the whole series which caused Dune director Denis Villeneuve to suggest that some Marvel movies are “cut and paste.” It’s also a formula which aids the studio to force its millions of fans to see it “as all connected” and be encouraged to go see the Ant-Man sequel they might otherwise skip in order to discover how its post-credits scene will set up the deus ex machina for Avengers: Endgame.

And that aforementioned Black Panther originally had its protagonist introduced in Captain America: Civil War, an Avengers movie by another name. It’s also the only “Cap” flick to cross $1 billion because they stuck Iron Man in it. Similarly, James Gunn’s Guardians films are genuinely auteur-driven, yet they still worked as a years-long tease of Avengers: Infinity War and Endgame’s big bad: Thanos. Hell, Infinity War’s biggest selling point in the trailer was seeing the Avengers and Guardians meet face-to-face for the first time.

The methods and talent being used to produce these endless sequels are far more sophisticated and entertaining than the hack work which produced Jaws: The Revenge, but then that’s why Jaws only lasted four movies and Marvel’s already mapping out its 30th “event” in the next few years.

This is not meant to only criticize Marvel, however. They are simply the most successful studio at exploiting their intellectual property in the 21st century. Universal’s own Fast and Furious movies aren’t half bad at that game, though. This summer just saw the 10th “Fast Saga” movie when you count Hobbs and Shaw. And while Vin Diesel claims the 11th main line Fast and Furious movie will be the last, you just know with its own Avengers-sized cast that Hobbs and Shaw will be merely the first spinoff franchise from “the family.”

Even Spielberg, who was reportedly never happy with the Jaws sequels and what they did to his first masterwork, has been much more ready to “open up” later successes like Jurassic Park. Considered a “smart” blockbuster entertainment in 1993 that inspired genuine awe from millions of moviegoers, that film’s fourth sequel (which was produced by Spielberg, like all the follow-ups) reveled in watching dinosaurs stalk around a haunted house, as if they were Frankenstein and Dracula. Next year’s Jurassic World: Dominion is supposedly intended to be the “final” film of the three most recent, Chris Pratt-led sequels, as well as another sendoff to the original 1993 movie’s cast. Yet it seems dubious that it’ll be the last film set in that “universe.”

After all, the “Skywalker Saga” ended with a whimper in 2019’s Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, but Disney is preparing to churn out more Star Wars movies and TV shows than ever before in the next decade.

This is not to say you should feel ashamed for enjoying any of these movies or franchises. Folks like what they like. But what Back to the Future Part II perhaps unintentionally predicted was that audiences would have an appetite for a proverbial Jaws 19.

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When BTTF became a trilogy, sequels were still seen as a creatively risky proposition. Filmmakers often maintained artistic credibility by attempting to turn sequels into a larger thematic whole—often as a trilogy. Lucas set that standard with Star Wars, and only after his buddy Francis Ford Coppola claimed he’d never make another Godfather movie after Part II. Spielberg originally walked away from Indiana Jones after three movies, and many likely wish he’d stayed firm about that in retrospect. Meanwhile, Zemeckis and Gale have done the near impossible thing: refuse to allow Universal to make a fourth Back to the Future movie or reboot the series entirely.

But equivocations in the industry about a proverbial Jaws 19 are long gone. What was once a cheeky riff on the dystopian Coca-Cola billboard ads in Blade Runner have become a modern day reality in 2021. And hey, there’s now a real holographic Times Square billboard ad for that, too.

The post How the Jaws Scene in Back to the Future Part 2 Predicted Modern Blockbusters appeared first on Den of Geek.

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sinceileftyoublog · 3 years

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Pitchfork Music Festival 2021 Preview: 15 Can’t-miss Acts

black midi; Photo by YIS KID

BY JORDAN MAINZER

While yours truly won’t be attending Pitchfork Music Festival this year, SILY contributor Daniel Palella will be covering the actual fest. If I was attending, though, these would be the acts I’d make sure to see. 5 from each day, no overlaps, so you could conceivably see everyone listed.

FRIDAY

Armand Hammer, 1:00 PM, Green Stage

Earlier this year, New York hip hop duo Armand Hammer released their 5th album Haram (BackwoodzStudioz) in collaboration with on-fire producer The Alchemist. It was the duo’s (ELUCID and Billy Woods) first time working with a singular producer on a record (though Earl Sweatshirt produced a track), and likewise, The Alchemist actually tailored his beats towards the two MCs. Haram is the exact kind of hip hop that succeeds early in the day at a festival, verbose and complex rhymes over languid, cloudy, sample-heavy beats, when attendees are more likely to want to sit and listen than dance. And you’re going to want to listen to Armand Hammer, whose MCs’ experiential words frame the eerie hues of the production. “Dreams is dangerous, linger like angel dust,” Woods raps on opener “Sir Benni Miles”, never looking back as he and Elucid’s stream-of-consciousness rhymes cover everything from colonization to Black bodily autonomy and the dangers of satisfaction disguised as optimism. (“We let BLM be the new FUBU,” raps Quelle Chris on “Chicharrones”; “Iridescent blackness / Is this performative or praxis?” ponders Woods on “Black Sunlight”.) There are moments of levity on Haram, like KAYANA’s vocal turn on “Black Sunlight” and the “what the hell sound is this?” type sampling that dominates warped, looped tracks like “Peppertree” and “Indian Summer”, built around sounds of horns and twirling flute lines. For the most part, Haram is an album of empathetic realism. “Hurt people hurt people,” raps Elucid on “Falling Out of the Sky”, a stunning encapsulation of Armand Hammer’s world where humanism exists side-by-side with traumatic death and feelings of revenge.

You can also catch Armand Hammer doing a live set on the Vans Channel 66 livestream at 12 PM on Saturday.

Dogleg, 1:45 PM, Red Stage

It feels like we’ve been waiting years to see this set, and actually, we have! The four-piece punk band from Michigan was supposed to play last year’s cancelled fest in support of their searing debut Melee (Triple Crown), and a year-plus of pent up energy is sure to make songs like “Bueno”, “Fox”, and “Kawasaki Backflip” all the more raging. Remember: This is a band whose reputation was solidified live before they were signed to Triple Crown and released their breakout album. Seeing them is the closest thing to a no-brainer that this year’s lineup offers.

Revisit our interview with Dogleg from last year, and catch them at an aftershow on Saturday at Subterranean with fellow Pitchfork performer Oso Oso and Retirement Party.

Hop Along, 3:20 PM, Red Stage

Though lead singer Frances Quinlan released a very good solo album last year, it’s been three years since their incredible band Hop Along dropped an album and two years since they’ve toured. 2018′s Bark Your Head Off, Dog (Saddle Creek), one of our favorite albums of that year, should comprise the majority of their setlist, but maybe they have some new songs?

Catch them at an aftershow on Saturday at Metro with Varsity and Slow Mass.

black midi, 4:15 PM, Green Stage

The band who had the finest debut of 2019 and gave the best set of that year at Pitchfork is back. Cavalcade (Rough Trade) is black midi’s sophomore album, methodical in its approach in contrast with the improvisational absurdism of Schlagenheim. Stop-start, violin-laden lead single and album opener “John L”, a song about a cult leader whose members turn on him, is as good a summary as ever of the dark, funky eclecticism of black midi, who on Cavalcade saw band members leave and new ones enter, their ever shapeshifting sound the only consistent thing about them. A song like the jazzy “Diamond Stuff” is likely impossible to replicate live--its credits list everything from 19th century instruments to household kitchen items used for percussion--but is key to experiencing their instrumental adventurousness. On two-and-a-half-minute barn burner “Hogwash and Balderdash,” they for the first time fully lean into their fried Primus influences, telling a tale of two escaped prisoners, “two chickens from the pen.” At the same time, this band is still black midi, with moments that call back to Schlagenheim, the churning, metallic power chords via jittery, slapping funk of “Chondromalacia Patella” representative of their quintessential tempo changes. And as on songs like Schlagenheim’s “Western”, black midi find room for beauty here, too, empathizing with the pains of Marlene Dietrich on a bossa nova tune named after her, Geordie Greep’s unmistakable warble cooing sorrowful lines like, “Fills the hall tight / And pulls at our hearts / And puts in her place / The girl she once was.” Expect to hear plenty from Cavalcade but also some new songs; after all, this is a band that road tests and experiments with material before recording it.

Catch them doing a 2 PM DJ set on Vans Channel 66 on Saturday and at an aftershow on Monday at Sleeping Village.

Yaeji, 7:45 PM, Blue Stage

What We Drew (XL), the debut mixtape from Brooklyn-based DJ Yaeji, was one of many dance records that came out after lockdown that we all wished we could experience in a crowd as opposed to at home alone. Now's our chance to bask in all of its glory under a setting sun. Maybe she’ll spin her masterful remix of Dua Lipa’s “Don’t Start Now” from the Club Future Nostalgia remix album, or her 2021 single “PAC-TIVE”, her and DiAN’s collaboration with Pac-Man company Namco.

Angel Olsen; Photo by Dana Trippe

SATURDAY

Bartees Strange, 1:45 PM, Red Stage

One of our favorite albums of last year was Live Forever (Memory Music), the debut from singer-songwriter and The National fanatic Bartees Strange, one that contributor Lauren Lederman called “a declaration of an artist’s arrival.” He’s certainly past arrived when you take into account his busy 2021, releasing a new song with Lorenzo Wolff and offering his remix services to a number of artists, including illuminati hotties and fellow Pitchfork performer (and tour mate) Phoebe Bridgers. Expect to hear lots of Live Forever during his Pitchfork set, one of many sets at the fest featuring exciting young guitar-based (!) bands.

Catch him at a free (!!) aftershow on Monday at Empty Bottle with Ganser.

Faye Webster, 4:00 PM, Blue Stage

Since we previewed Faye Webster’s Noonchorus livestream in October, she’s released the long-awaited follow-up to Atlanta Millionaires Club, the cheekily titled I Know I’m Funny haha (Secretly Canadian). At that time, she had dropped “Better Distractions”, “In A Good Way”, and “Both All The Time”, and the rest of the album more than follows the promise of these three dreamy country, folk rock, and R&B-inspired tunes. Webster continues to be a master of tone and mood, lovelorn on “Sometimes”, sarcastic on the title track, and head-in-the-clouds on “A Dream with a Baseball Player”. All the while, she and her backing band provide stellar, languorous instrumentation, keys and slide guitar on the bossa nova “Kind Of”, her overdriven guitar sludge on “Cheers”, cinematic strings on the melancholic “A Stranger”, stark acoustic guitar on heartbreaking closer “Half of Me”. And the ultimate irony of Webster’s whip-smart lyricism is that a line like, “And today I get upset over this song that I heard / And I guess was just upset because why didn't I think of it first,” is that I can guarantee a million songwriters feel the same way about her music, timely in context and timeless in sound and feeling.

Catch her at an aftershow on Saturday at Sleeping Village with Danger Incorporated.

Georgia Anne Muldrow, 5:15 PM, Blue Stage

The queen of beats takes the stage during the hottest part of the day, perfect for some sweaty dancing. VWETO III (FORESEEN + Epistrophik Peach Sound), the third album in Muldrow’s beats record series, was put together with “calls to action” in mind, each single leading up to the album’s release to be paired with crowdsourced submissions via Instagram from singers, visual artists, dancers, and turntablists. Moreover, many of the album’s tracks are inspired by very specific eras of Black music, from Boom Bap and G-funk to free jazz, and through it all, Muldrow provides a platform for musical education just as much as funky earworms.

Revisit our interview with Muldrow from earlier this year.

Angel Olsen, 7:25 PM, Red Stage

It’s been a busy past two years for Angel Olsen. She revealed Whole New Mess (Jagjaguwar) in August 2020, stripped down arrangements of many of the songs on 2019′s amazing All Mirrors. In May, she came out with a box set called Song of the Lark and Other Far Memories (Jagjaguwar), which contained both All Mirrors and Whole New Mess and a bonus LP of remixes, covers, alternate takes, and bonus tracks. She shortly and out of nowhere dropped a song of the year candidate in old school country rock high and lonesome Sharon Van Etten duet “Like I Used To”. And just last month, she released Aisles, an 80′s covers EP out on her Jagjaguwar imprint somethingscosmic. She turns Laura Branigan’s disco jam “Gloria” and Men Without Hats’ “Safety Dance” into woozy, echoing, slowed-down beds of synth haze and echoing drum machine. On Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark’s “If You Leave”, her voice occupies different registers between the soft high notes of the bridge and autotuned solemnity of the chorus. Sure, other covers are more recognizable in their tempo and arrangement, like Billy Idol’s Rebel Yell ballad “Eyes Without a Face” and Alphaville’s “Forever Young”, but Aisles is exemplary of Olsen’s ability to not just reinvent herself but classics.

At Pitchfork, I’d bet on a set heavy on All Mirrors and Whole New Mess, but as with the unexpectedness of Aisles, you never know!

St. Vincent, 8:30 PM, Green Stage

Annie Clark again consciously shifts personas and eras with her new St. Vincent album Daddy’s Home (Loma Vista), inspired by 70′s funk rock and guitar-driven psychedelia. While much of the album’s rollout centered around its backstory--Clark’s father’s time in prison for white collar crimes--the album is a thoughtful treatise on honesty and identity, the first St. Vincent album to really stare Clark’s life in the face.

Many of its songs saw their live debut during a Moment House stream, which we previewed last month.

The Weather Station; Photo by Jeff Bierk

SUNDAY

Tomberlin, 1:00 PM, Green Stage

While the LA-via-Louisville singer-songwriter hasn’t yet offered a proper follow-up LP to her 2018 debut At Weddings, she did last year release an EP called Projections (Saddle Creek), which expands upon At Weddings’ shadowy palate. Songs like “Hours” and “Wasted” are comparatively clattering and up-tempo. Yet, all four of the original tracks are increasingly self-reflexive, Tomberlin exploring and redefining herself on her terms, whether singing about love or queerness, all while maintaining her sense of humor. (“When you go you take the sun and all my flowers die / So I wait by the window and write some shit / And hope that you'll reply,” she shrugs over acoustic strums and wincing electric guitars.) The album ends with a stark grey cover of Casiotone for the Painfully Alone’s “Natural Light”; Tomberlin finds a kindred spirit in the maudlin musings of Owen Ashworth.

Get there early on Sunday to hear select tracks from At Weddings and Projections but also likely some new songs.

oso oso, 2:45 PM, Blue Stage

Basking in the Glow (Triple Crown), the third album from Long Beach singer-songwriter Jade Lilitri as Oso Oso, was one of our favorite records of 2019, and we’d relish the opportunity to see them performed to a crowd in the sun. Expect to hear lots of it; hopefully we’re treated to new oso oso material some time soon.

Catch them at an aftershow on Saturday at Subterranean with fellow Pitchfork performer Dogleg and Retirement Party.

The Weather Station, 4:00 PM, Blue Stage

The Toronto band led by singer-songwriter Tamara Lindeman released one of the best albums of the year back in February with Ignorance (Fat Possum), songs inspired by climate change-addled anxiety. While the record is filled with affecting, reflective lines about loss and trying to find happiness in the face of dread, in a live setting, I imagine the instrumentation will be a highlight, from the fluttering tension of “Robber” to the glistening disco of “Parking Lot”.

Revisit our preview of their Pitchfork Instagram performance from earlier this year. Catch them at an aftershow on Friday at Schubas with Ulna.

Danny Brown, 6:15 PM, Green Stage

The Detroit rapper’s last full-length record was the Q-Tip executive produced uknowhatimsayin¿ (Warp), though he’s popped up a few times since then, on remixes, a Brockhampton album, and TV62, a Bruiser Brigade Records compilation from earlier this year. (He’s also claimed in Twitch streams that his new album Quaranta is almost done.) His sets--especially Pitchfork sets--are always high-energy, as he’s got so many classic albums and tracks under his belt at this point, so expect to hear a mix of those.

Erykah Badu, 8:30 PM, Green Stage

What more can I say? This is the headliner Pitchfork has been trying to get for years, responsible for some of the greatest neo soul albums of all time. There’s not much else to say about Erykah Badu other than she’s the number one must-see at the festival.

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bisexualhobi · 3 years

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wait I think I agree not today is really bad but now rank all their title tracks from best to worst pls

lmaoohdksjjdjf i love this question so much anon but due to the fact that i’m me this would get way WAY too long. so i’m doing the top 5 best title tracks and then top 5 worst ones okay? i’m looking at google and apparently they have 26 korean singles so yeah that’s too much.

to rank them as objectively as possible I'm gonna try to take into account gp impact (which is not the same as chart impact since the fandom inflates those numbers), production, creative value (how innovative/different from other pop songs was it?) and the concept of the music video/aesthetic in general.

BTS TITLE TRACKS: TOP 5

5. Black Swan (2020)

am I cheating by putting here a pre release single? maybe. but it would be a disservice to leave this one out so bear with me

⭐gp impact: this song made more noise as a pre release single than the title track. I saw it in at least 3 end of the year editorials for best kpop songs of 2020. and the thing is it could have been WAY bigger but a lot of stuff happened that sadly made it go away too soon. I don't think this one is as famous or recognizable as the others in this list which is why it's going last, but also I think this song is the most underrated gem in bts discography so it's still going here.

⭐production: this song beat out the front runners (I need u, save me, DNA) solely because of its production. there are not a lot of kpop songs out there that manage to pull off what this song does. it's powerful, it's nostalgic, it's a dark and sexy song without being too on the nose. the mixing is SUPERB I remember the first time I heard it I thought "this would blow the fuck up if it was a Travis Scott song" and I will DIE on that hill. this is an example of heavy autotune on a song done right, not like the rest of their super autotuned songs that sometimes come out unrecognizable and empty sounding.

⭐creative value: it's not truly a new concept in pop to make a song about the Death of the Artist. it’s also not something a rookie group can do, this song needed to be released at exactly the time in bts’ career that it was. there’s just no emotional impact if you just sing about how the music makes your hear beat and you’ve been in the industry for,,, 3 years. this is the type of Swan Song you release at the peak of your career, so that really contributes to the message. mixing a trap beat with a ballet motif is GALAXY BRAIN SHIT.

⭐️concept: the ballet influence is just beautifully executed, this song is a beautiful piece of craftsmanship on all fronts. i think they could literally build an entire ALBUM off this concept, so the fact that they jampacked it onto one single song is both amazing and a little sad for me. i wanna hear more of this. i want a literal Black Swan (the darren aranofsky movie) horror concept where the protagonist falls prey to his own madness because he strives for perfection. but yeah, the song itself and the orchestral version just make this a complete golden concept in my book.

4. IDOL (2018).

⭐️gp impact: i think a lot of people that didn’t know anything about kpop vaguely knew about this song when it was released. i know i wasn’t into kpop at all but in my pop culture circle there was a small bleep from this song bc of the concept and the dance. i think it’s a great “embassador of kpop” track, like if you wanna explain to someone with no previous knowledge what kpop is about you can show them a performance of this song.

⭐️production: the production is a little all over the place for me. the instrumentals are amazing and really creative tho, but like in terms of mixing vocals and the structure of it, it might be a little too grating. it’s not the best produced song in ly: answer by any means but it still makes it work

⭐️creative value: the whole hanbok thing is a 10/10. bts weren’t the first ones to do it, but they did it in such a tightly executed way that honestly that “classic korean roots meets the edgy western feel” concept belongs to them now. groups are still recreating it. it’s a really innovative concept in general.

⭐️concept: the music video is,,,, something. you might love it or hate it, but it’s memorable. i think the purposeful way in which they made it as loud and brilliant as possible can be taken either as a camp adjacent or just as the group going nuts with the budget, which props to them. the choreography is also a BIG plus. the south african influence is really well executed and they made sure to do it as cultural appreciation and not appropriation. definitely the most memorable thing from this song is the choreo

3. Run (2015).

⭐️gp impact: this was their second song to have a music show win. it was the lead single from hyyh pt2 and honestly it might be the best song off hyyh as a whole. it cemented bts as not just another kpop group, because it made non fans turn their heads too! from what i gather this really propelled them forward and made the fanbase grow a lot.

⭐️production: hyyh pt2 is super well produced. i feel like this song in particular makes a fine job of mixing the vocals but it’s not outstanding. the best part is the instrumentals. but overall it’s a really good song with amazing lyrics and a great melody.

⭐️creative value: this built off of what they did with pt1 so they were already in a comfortable place, when they found this sound they really explored it well and deep and it works! i’m glad they went this emo pop route because it was a good contrast to what was dominating the charts in kpop in 2015.

⭐️concept: the aesthetic is PERFECT. there’s not a single other thing that i could add or that i wanted gone. it’s the perfect mix of coming of age teen film and heartfelt, dreamy pop. the music video is by no surprises the favorite mv of a lot of the fandom. the cinematography is beautiful and the song and the video perfectly capture that fleeting moment in life when you’re in the brink of adulthood.

2. Mic Drop (2017).

⭐️gp impact: this song was the first bts song to chart on the billboard hot100. back when the fandom had no idea how to chart, mass buy etc. that’s enough said. (personally i think mic drop is the quintessential bts song and their best release so the fact that i’m not putting it first should count as something).

⭐️production: for the purposes of this ranking i’m using the original mic drop and not the steve aoki remix even tho it was the steve remix that was released as the single. the song has the BEST mastering i’ve heard in kpop. the transitions are flawless, the beat is pure fire, the entire first minute is literally the hardest hype rap i’ve heard in kpop. everything about it WORKS.

⭐️creative value: it’s kinda funny how this song got released the same year as kendrick lamar’s humble, because imho it’s the best hiphop song of that year after humble. 2017 was truly the year of the diss tracks. bonus points for including it right after the billboard acceptance speech skit in ly: answer. SUPER refreshing among the ed sheeran type of pop that dominated that year.

⭐️concept: it’s a great concept but not innovative by any means. still, it works and bts managed to exploit it to the max. the choreo, the mv, the styling, everything was amazing!

1. Blood, Sweat & Tears (2016).

⭐️gp impact: it's probably the first song to put bts on the map beyond the kpop sphere. it really set the tone for their 2017. it's one of their most famous and recognizable songs to date.

⭐️production: this song is STUNNINGLY arranged. the mix, the ambience, the progression,,, it's all brought together to make a very well crafted song. it has a distinctive electronic/pop sound to it that still manages to set itself apart from the trend that was going at the time. black swan is probably the closet single they have to this in terms of production.

⭐️creative value: the song itself is very in compliance with the 2015/2016 trend of hype songs with edm influence, (ie. closer, shape of you, cheap thrills, let me love you, something just like this, etc.) but it still packs that punch that makes it sound fresh even for 2021.

⭐️concept: it wasn't the first song to sound like this in kpop ofc but it was the first truly sexy concept for bts. the aesthetic is innovative and very well thought out, the mv is amazing and the choreography too. i read somewhere that j-hope had a lot of input for this choreo so that's amazing. also blond taehyung is literally the best thing to come out of big hit.

WORST BTS TITLE TRACKS

ok so here we go with the worst ones! this is in ascending order as i prepare myself to pick the worst of them all, but please remember this isn’t meant to be mean spirited, i am simply applying the same criteria to their most underwhelming songs but that doesn’t mean they don’t have their own merit! it’s just that out of 26 singles, SOME of them have got to come out at the bottom right?

5. Life Goes On (2020)

⭐gp impact: this song is not memorable with the general public, its #1 on the bb was the product of mass buying and even though it's a feel good song made to comfort fans in the times of pandemic it's still bland and boring. I think it had no music show appearances either, and as far as bts ballads go this is just bottom tier. it’s not that it’s terrible, it’s just very underwhelming

⭐production: the autotune in this song is very poorly executed, it doesn't add to the song the way black swan does for example. it's just off putting and the melody is really forgettable. it's funny bc the chorus is directly pulled from the 2018 reggaeton super hit "La Canción" by J Balvin and Bad bunny lmaooo 💀 so I can't get that out of my head either. the structure is just fine and has nothing of substance

⭐creative value: the song is attempts to be a heartfelt acoustic song but it really has nothing that sets it apart from other songs product of the pandemic like Justin and ariana's stuck with u. for a song in a self produced album it's the song with the least input from the group. the lyrics are good, but they're not as sincere or groundbreaking as for example Spring day.

⭐concept: as a ballad ofc I'm not expecting it to have a grand choreography, and the mv being filmed in their personal dorms to reflect the lockdown is actually a nice touch but besides that there is nothing exciting, innovative or even sincerely comforting about the song and the concept. the greatest thing abt it is the fact that jk directed the video, which is actually pretty good.

4. We are bulletproof pt 2 (2013)

⭐gp impact: this song made no noise back in the day and to this day its just beloved by the fandom due to a sense of nostalgia and "remembering bts' roots". don't get me wrong it's amazing that bts still perform it in the year of our lord 2020 because you can't forget where you came from, but it's not a good or memorable song by any means.

⭐production: I went back to listen to it for this and oh god. I can't remember the mixing being THIS bad. jimin, jin and taehyung sound exceptionally bad, they don't sound like themselves especially jin. it's just a really poorly mastered song, but then again the rest of their debut album isn't far better.

⭐creative value: this is straight up ripping off early 2000s black culture from the US. not only the music, the styling for this era in general is unfortunately really bad and culturally appropriating and overall it's a mess.

⭐concept: there is nothing of substance to be said about this song. it's just really a miss. the mv is terrible, the only thing that can be salvaged from this is the choreography, but besides that the whole thing feels sloppy, rushed and is also kinda cringey.

3. N.O. (2013)

⭐gp impact: no noise. this song was just a really weird pick for their first comeback when attack on bangtan or coffee was right there. not to be mean but no wonder they didn't have a music win this year.

⭐production: it's an objectively bad song. it's just really underwhelming, the whole mixing feels amateur. it's not a good hiphop song and it's not a good vocal arrangement and the chorus is also a rip off of a late 90s American song I can't find right now

⭐creative value: this song isn't innovative in any way, it's just..... there. very meh in general, I have nothing more to say about it

⭐concept: the storyline kinda wants to go somewhere with the music video but it doesn't manage to make a connection. the styling is plain, simple and not flattering at all. it tries to make a protest of the Korean school system but it doesn't say anything beyond "school bad" which we already knew

2. Not Today (2017)

⭐gp impact: its a very middle of the list song for a lot of the fandom. I literally know of no one that claims this as their favorite mv/era/song. when you ask people about their least favorite bts songs they won't mention this one either, you know why? because it's that irrelevant. it had no music show wins either. it's precisely because of this why I put it so high up on the list. there's nothing worse than an unmemorable song, if it was widely hated then at least that would be a response.

⭐production: it's a really mediocre song in terms of structure and melody. it tried to be hype but it falls short. the chorus feels half finished and the message of the song is just “the revolution has begun”? which okay? but it adds nothing to the You never walk alone album either.

⭐creative value: there is nothing exciting about this song, and the chorus is too grating. the rhythm is repetitive and nothing new either in kpop or pop in general.

⭐concept: sadly there's not a lot to be said for the song. it says nothing of value and what it says falls flat. there's no innovation. you can actually see a lot of idol in this song, and also ON. those two songs are what this one tried to be but failed.

1. War of Hormone (2014)

⭐gp impact: thankfully none. this song got the treatment it deserved, if they had won a music show for this one it would feel tainted lol. now it's just a meme in the fandom but overall it made zero noise and contributed nothing to bts' evolution

⭐production: the production is very lazy, which is odd because dark & wild has some pretty tight tracks. but this one is just meh, nothing outstanding and the melody is just annoying

⭐creative value: this is a song that was probably born out of the desperation to have a gp friendly hit. it tries really hard to replicate an outdated idea of what boy bands should be, and it does it badly. simply put this song is very mediocre and misogynistic and the fact that it's a running gag in the fandom that "feminism isn't important when war of hormone comes on" isn't funny and it's actually cringe. please stop

⭐concept: the styling is so ugly :( the mv is very low budget which isn't surprising but they managed to make more with less in past releases. it's just embarrassing and I wish this song didn't exist, there's a reason why they never play it anymore lol. overall a dark mistake in bts' career

#asks #long post//#song analysis #bts

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sappho114 · 3 years

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what's your thoughts on cyberpunk 2077? I'll fully admit i didn't like the final product and felt like there was tons of missed opportunities, wasted characters and plot lines, and a bunch of stuff that were just not handled well. But i'm not here to just bash on the game, i want to hear your opinion on it

I know that it's popular to hate on for the reasons of "it was popular" and "it marketed by a transphobic social media team" (of which, the latter makes sense but it is NOT reflective of the product.) I tend to ignore people who are hyperbolic about that kinda stuff because a lot of them just ran out and bought Red Dead Redemption 2 or engage in media made by abusers and actual transphobes. The moral high ground politicking by those who hated CP2077 is actually hilariously ridiculous. Anyway, that's less about the game and more about how dumb some folks were being. More below about the game itself.

It is a janky game, it required at least two to three major patches for what's in game to be functional fully, and having to beat back their game to fit into the shitbox that is the PS4 and other consoles was not a task I envy. CDPR's higher leadership also are silly cunts and the crunch they faced up to release is not so good. Although in hindsight, with the Naughty Dog and Act-Blizz shit, at least the women weren't abused and they actually got paid and benefits for their overtime thanks to Polish labor law. God, America needs to unfuck itself so much.

That being said: I loved it. I felt it was a good representation of Pondsmith's Cyberpunk universe. I enjoyed almost all of the characters, loved the vibe, had fun just driving around Night City with the crowds, the ads, the radio. I've beaten it once and I have about 3 different save files half-way or more through completion.

I'm not one of those people who saw "wallrunning" in a trailer from 2018 and expected it to be in the game (and angry that it wasn't, even if they said it wasn't gonna be in it for literal years.) I think in the end its about as janky as Witcher 2 was, and considering it's a new IP that's not all that bad for eastern european developers. We've gotten a dozen or so jankier, shittier games from eastern europe since CP2077 released but because they didn't have a marketing budget, people don't really care. That's a whole thing we could spend a while on.

As someone who is chronically ill, poor, and wants more out of life I connected with V's story. I also hated Johnny at first because I know of that little shitbag from the TTRPG but over time he actually grew on me. I love the idea of the flashbacks to Arasaka tower being so different because it's how Johnny saw what he did, not necessarily the truthful representation. I dunno if that's like, canon, or whatnot, but it fits that blowhard so much that I choose to believe it fully. I hate that guy but he became a good friend.

I felt that all the performances were solid. T-Bug deserved more time on screen, though. Other than that I loved all the character side missions and felt they wrapped things nicely for almost all of them. At least until we get ourselves those expansion packs.

Oh, I lied. Judy Alvarez is perfect, and she needs 2000% more dialogue and stuff to do. I'd go visit my Night City Wife after every mission and she seldom had too much to say. More of that downtime conversation would've been awesome. I don't necessarily mean downtime activities - I actually hate Grand Theft Auto and Ubisoft time-wasting bullshit. It's why I liked CP2077's side content being tactical blast some baddies time for the most part. If I want to fucking play poker, I'd play fucking poker.

Any major issues I have with the game tend to stem from my issues with Cyberpunk 2020 and Cyberpunk RED as a whole. The narrative nihilism of the Cyberpunk universe is lame as hell. I'm a Shadowrun girl. There's always hope - even if the Horrors are making Lofwyr piss his dragaloons (that's dragon pantaloons) there's still space for a group of ne'er-do-wells to do some violence well. I also think that if you choose certain endings, you end up with a horribly optimistic turn on things! That left a good taste in my mouth. I wanna find this cure for neurological death that V's going through and I'm glad they explicitly said that it's a possibility.

tl;dr: not perfect but I love it and am waiting for more. Adored the story, characters, all that jazz.

#controversial #cyberpunk 2077 #long post #quarianrambles #i dont expect anyone to remotely agree with me #its almost a pathological resposne to hate this game even if you've never played it #as someone familiar with CP2020 it was a great adaptation of that material #I also hold no moral high ground over anyone who didn't like this game #a lot of it just felt Made For Me and I love it for that!#I regularly play jank and games and find I enjoy them so w/e

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betweenthetimeandsound · 3 years

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Three Minutes to Eternity: My ESC 250 (#140-131)

#140: Lordi -- Hard Rock Hallelujah (Finland 2006)

“You will see the jokers soon'll be the new kings!” I'm semi-convinced that if I heard this song when I was a child, I would've been so scared I would just hide (I also panicked at the cover of Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, though that maybe because I didn't want to read such a long book). Watching it for the first time in 2020, I didn't mind it, though the monsters still puts me off. As much as I like to jam to this one, I can’t see myself listening to it over and over again. That said, one can’t take away from the sheer catharsis of this song, from the opening notes to how Lordi gleefully announces their arrival and thunders down Athens with the arockalypse. Whether it’s the first hard rock winner or the last schlager one, Lordi came, saw, and grabbed a first win for Finland after so many attempts, and made rock more popular in Eurovision for a few years. i You can’t resist yourself from headbanging to this one! Personal ranking: 3rd/37 Actual ranking: 1st/24 GF in Athens

#139: Natasha St-Pier -- Je n'ai que mon âme (France 2001)

“Mais je n'ai que mon âme pour te parler de moi, Oh, juste mon âme, mon âme et ma voix,” “But I only have my soul to talk to you about me. Oh, just my soul, my soul and my voice.” By the turn of the millenium, France switched back to contemporary ballads to represent them. While 1999 and 2000's entries didn't do well, their next two would be really strong songs amongst the weakest years ever, and that's why I appreciate France so much in the contest. Initially, I didn’t get it, because it sounded a bit derivative (not unlike what Celine Dion would sing). However, one thing which won me over was with the intro, which provided the base of a really great build. A soft intro leading to a lush instrumental, it shone above the crowd, and it turned from being "derivative" to being "gentle and sincere. Natasha delivers this with equal parts softness and grace, though the English parts did feel a bit out of place in the end. That might have cost it a (deserved) place on the podium, and France would have wait twenty more years for the next medal-placing. Personal ranking: 2nd/23 Actual ranking: 4th/23 in Copenhagen

#138: Lena -- Satellite (Germany 2010)

“I even painted my toenails for you I did it just the other day!"

Whenever you check the comments of any video on this song, you will note a bunch of angry Turkish people who insist MaNga should’ve won 2010. While I really love their song (and will end up later on the list), Satellite was a worthy winner. Along with its commercial success, Satellite is adorable because it is uptempo, sweet, and infectious. Lena acts like she’s having fun on stage and doesn’t even try to pretend. Her accent, which emerged as a result of her English teacher, adds to the charm and her overall innocence. It’s cute, which can turn off some people, but not me--I really embrace it. Also, Arilena Ara made a cover last year for Eurovision Home Concerts, which you should check out! It keeps the poppy vibe, but adds a funky edge to it. Personal ranking: 4th/39 Actual ranking: 1st/25 GF in Oslo

#137: Lazy Bums -- Shir Habatlanim (Israel 1987)

“עושה לי כוס קפה ומדליק לי הסיגריה יוצא אל המרפסת לפצח גרעינים הציפורים יורדות העציצים של המרפסת ומפזמות איתי את שיר הבטלנים” “I make myself a cup of coffee and light a cigarette I go out to the balcony to crack open some seeds The birds come down to the plants of the balcony And sing with me the bums’ song” The Culture Minister threatened to resign when Shir Habatlanim was chosen for the Israeli entry in 1987, but it adds to the charming element to this performance. After a decade in which the Israeli entries pranced around, this was something different, and the two actors really take on the role. The lyrics were a bit silly, but relatable with the bums not seeing the sun because of the buildings and doing random tasks while hanging out with the birds. The Lazy Song before the Lazy Song, I'm starting to think this is the "reality" on playing hooky, whereas "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" is the "expectations" part (and they are really high in the movie). The Blues Brothers-inspired performance ("We're coming to ya--"), combined with Kobi Oshrat's orchestration, makes this otherwise troll song into a comedic masterpiece. It's three minutes of fun and endearment, and I can't help but smile. Personal ranking: 4th/22 Actual ranking: 8th/22 in Brussels

#136: Antique -- (I Would) Die for You (Greece 2001)

"Κάθησα και σκέφτηκα Κι είδα ότι μ’ αγαπάς Μόνο εσύ, μόνο εσύ" "I sat down and thought Realised that you love me Only you, only you" Greece's first top-three placing in Eurovision is thanks to Helena Paparizou and guy whose name we do not know Nikos Panagiotidis, both who were based in Sweden at the time. They were well known for combining Greek instruments and dance beat; Opa Opa (written by Giorgios Alkaios, see #207 for his entry) is a really good example of this! (Thanks again, Nikos Terzis for composing this too) From the opening bouzouki, Die for You establishes a sense of cool; the pop production following it adds a sense of modernity that the 2001 class lacked for the most part. And compared to Je n'ai que mon ame (#139), the switch from Greek to English is absolutely natural. It feels like being in an exclusive club, filled with dim lighting and a very spacy ambience of it all--though the orange in Parken works as well. And despite being nineteen, Helena oozes cool in all the ways. From her sleek hair to her jumpsuit to how she moves, she makes the song her own, for what it's worth. I frequently find myself copying her handography, though sometimes my desk lamp blocks my left hand, making it feel a bit clumsy. Though I don't say this often, either Antique or Natasha should've won in 2001. Personal ranking: 1st/23 Actual ranking: 3rd/23 in Copenhagen Final impressions on 2001: DR tried to go big with 35,000, but everyone went to drink, and it felt like one hundred. The songs at hand tried hard to be cool, though in some places, we were better off in school. On their own, the strings in our hearts remain broke, though when the trophy did, our minds awoke. Despite the ambitions, the contest would make people leave the room. Thankfully, it was better than that of 2002! :) (On another note, of all the years Italy didn't participate in the contest, 1999 and 2001 were the most irritating. Here, Elisa's Luce (tramonti a nord-est) won Sanremo, and it's a surrealistically beautiful indie song with cool lyrics (especially it was originally written in English, and had to be changed to Italian for the contest). Had they competed, I could see a top-five finish for them, and I could see this as an all-time favorite for me.)

#135: Katerine Duska -- Better Love (Greece 2019)

“Won’t you lean on me You can lean on me Let them look, don’t know, don’t care Go deep with me...” She's not Amy Winehouse, she's Katerine Duska! I had a love/hate relationship with this song during the 2019 season. On the one hand, it’s a really good song, with a lush production and sultry vocals from Katerine Duska. The lyrics, while simple, deals with the theme of love in an interesting way--no matter who you are, you deserve a love that suits you.

On the other hand, considering my grudge towards the 2018 contest, I was worried that this may do well and restart the Greek golden age. That feeling amplified when the rehearsals started, when Katerine and co. had this faerie queene aesthetic. It looked absolutely beautiful, with flowers and fantasy and whimsy. And most important, swords (the MV had sabres whereas the live performance had epees.)!

Of course it qualified, but it collapsed in the final and placed 21st in the end. Some people attributed to how "messy" the staging was, along with Katerine's vocals. In hindsight, I could see it with the former, but the latter remained firm, and she aced that high note.

But it was a good change for Greece, showing that they can do indie music as well as pop and ethno. And Katerine's non-Eurovision songs are fantastic; especially check out Autumn Again and Athenian Skies! Personal ranking: 4th/41 Actual ranking: 21st/26 GF in Tel Aviv

#134: Netta -- Toy (Israel 2018)

“Wonder Woman don’t you ever forget You’re divine and he’s about to regret...”

This has been a total phenomenon ever since its release. However, it’s also quite polarizing, with some people really bopping to this one whether it's on the radio or Tik-tok, and others getting repulsed by the chicken noises or the strong message it provided.

For me, it's Toy's "in-your-face' nature which makes it really special. From the first listen, there's the element of surprise with Netta's looping (the MV intro on Spotify >>> regular studio intro). It then builds until Netta announces herself as a "beautiful creature" and that she wasn't going to be bullied by others. While the songwriters definitely used the "Me Too" movement as a vehicle for the song, it's Netta's influence, along with the Mizrahi instrumentation in the chorus, which packs a punch. Without those chicken noises, Toy would fall flat.

The staging had to be worked on several times, but the final result captured the song's kookiness in every way. From the fake looper to the backing dancer's choreography, the following three minutes is an explosion of fun (though some of the energy died on stage on first viewing).

In short, Netta deserved to win, and those who suggest otherwise is just mean.

Personal ranking: 5th/43 Actual ranking: 1st/26 GF in Lisbon

#133: Mariza Koch -- Panagia Mou, Panagia Mou (Greece 1976)

“Κι αν δείτε ερείπια γκρεμισμένα, όι-όι μάνα μ', Δεν θα 'ναι απ' άλλες, απ' άλλες εποχές, Από ναπάλμ θα 'ναι καμένα, όι-όι μάνα μ'…"

“And if you see shattered ruins, oh oh my Mother, It's not from other, from other eras It is burnt by napalm, oh oh my Mother...”

In their second appearance at the Eurovision Song Contest, Greece sends this politically-charged song to criticize the invasion of Cyprus two years before. The Greek military junta at the time wanted to unite the island with mainland Greece, which led to a coup. As a result, the Turkish government invaded Cyprus, and declared the non-recognized Republic of Northern Cyprus. This status remains to this day, which has hindered Turkey's admission to the European Union.

(Interestingly enough, Turkey broadcast this contest despite not participating, and censored the Greek song to replace it with a patriotic song. Haha)

Dark context aside, it ties into the folk tradition during that time, but adds a Greek touch to it with the bouzouki. Combined with thoughtful yet tragic lyrics, it stands out as a darker yet deeper tone from the 1976 contest. Mariza also conveys this with her clear, yet harsh vocals pinpoint the horrors of what was going on. Also, the orchestration adds to the grandeur of this with its lush strings.

Personal ranking: 3rd/18 Actual ranking: 11th/18 in Den Haag

#132: Chocolate, Menta, Mastik -- Emor Shalom (Israel 1976)

בוא, בוא, בוא עוד היום”, אני עוד כאן אז בוא אמור שלום, אמור שלום

“Come, come, come today, I'm still here so come say hello Say hello..”

From one heavily politically charged song to a slightly less so, haha! Emor Shalom is s very playful and cute song, the three girls charm their potential lover (or diplomatic) with their voices and dance moves.

The hidden political context comes from "shalom"--is it hello, or is it peace? When the song was performed, Israel had been independent for thirty years, but their geopolitical relationships were not good with their neighbors. So the three girls, who sung for the military, were not only hoping for a lover, but also for peace.

The song itself incorporates some elements disco with trumpets, which got me into it in the first place. I'm not entirely sure about how the latter works--they are fine, but it does feel a bit cartoonish. While the lyrics are a bit simple, they still add to it.

Personal ranking: 2nd/18 Actual ranking: 6th/18 in Den Haag

#131: Sonja Lumme -- Eläköön elämä (Finland 1985)

“Kaupungissa on yö, puistoon kanssasi jäin Sä seisot edessäin täynnä toivoa” “It’s night in the city, I stayed in the park with you You’re standing in front me full of hope” Top ten anime opening themes, part two!

From the intro until the end, I love how Eläköön elämä progresses. It not only has a sound which matches with music trends (along with those mullets, but it's the 1980s so we can move on about this...), but also has a joie-de-vivre in terms of the lyrics. I've heard about it being connected to the Cold War; considering it was before glasnost, I'd imagine one of the themes here was to enjoy every moment before the world ends.

Ossi Runne's orchestration mixes the punchy pop-rock with some really good strings and brass. An awesome instrumentation and hopeful lyrics, when put together, you’ve got one of Finland’s best ever entries.

Personal ranking: 1st/19 Actual ranking: 9th/19 in Gothenburg

Final impressions on 1985: While Sweden first hosted in 1975, the production ten years later shows their capabilities in putting on a good show. From the graphics to the stage to Lilli's hosting, it's a totally fun experience. The songs were a bit weaker than it, though there were enough gems to keep the mood buzzing. Plus, there were several good orchestral moments there (especially #193) which made it all the better!

#esc top 250 #esc 250 #eurovision song contest #esc finland #esc france #esc germany #esc israel #esc greece #vintage eurovision #three minutes to eternity

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chemicalarospec · 4 years

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Genuinely Don’t Say Anything Interesting Here But I Like Talking So Thus I’m Posting This

okay I did like nothing productive today but have a ramble on youtube fanbases, specifically the new gen of mcyt. This was two posts and then I made it one so sorry when I repeat myself. I did edit it tho lol. But that means I also inserted more, so this is just all over the place now.

me from the future: oh god. all over the place. wait wtf this is so long. I don’t even have much to say I just like writing the same sentence three different ways and refusing to cut any of them. I’m sorry; I don’t know how to edit; this is informal AF. (can I use three semicolons? at least one of those is wrong anyways lol.)

edit: I’m so sorry I forgot about having a “read more” last night laksjdflksjad. Also idk if I even agree with myself lmao.

it’s so funny how mcyt is like The Thing now. It’s not cool to like it anymore lol, cuz everybody does. (This is a me thing. I like being special lol. I also self-define “cool” so you should not take it to heart when I say it’s not cool.)

I mean, just thinking about the Dream SMP as something I *do* want to get into, it doesn’t feel like “our thing” -- it’s has the feel of a HUGE fandom. Seriously, I’m in the phandom, which ngl has been dead since 2018, and the fanbase for the SMP has a much different, bigger feel. Idk what i’m getting at, it feels imposing? looking at the Dream SMP fandom seems similar in scope and slightly in atmosphere to pre-2019 phandom, at least to me, and it’s actually making me grateful that I joined now and not all that time ago.

Also I brought up the “our thing” bit because of the mcr post that goes “funny how MCR seems like our little secret and the biggest thing in the world at the same time” and I kinda thought that was just how all fandoms worked? idk I was going to assert that the truth is different but I thought some more and now I’m not sure.

but yeah I like the “our little secret” feel and somehow the phandom has (re)gained that while technoblade (and the new gen of mcyt as a whole) is loosing it.

I mean, I’ve been watching Technoblade since the bedwars winstreak. He had less than a millions subs but most people I brought him up to actually did know who he was. He was big but he wasn’t *famous* -- we all knew about him and we all cared. Like the only person who knew who he was and didn’t care had a little brother(s?) that loved him (wait why is this all in past tense this is all still true). (Yes AFC this has become a callout post for you mocking techno lol.) (If you’re still reading my miNeCRaFT yOuTuBeR fAnBaSe MEta. cringe culture is dead tho; I don’t have to say it like that.)

Anyways, I didn’t follow Technoblade’s Dream SMP streams and now I feel like I’d just be tagging along if I did get into it. (also didn’t watch SMP Earth lol.) This is because I’m a gate-keeping jerk. Or hate missing out. One of those two things.

(awkward transition where I don’t know how to make my tangent meaningful and have to make it back to the original train of thought I violently interrupted)

As a long time Techno fan, I’m really proud of the growth he’s experiencing, but a little sad too as the community is being -- well, I don’t want to say “infiltrated,” as I don’t want to shade anyone who was simply late to the party -- perhaps diluted? overwhelmed? yeah, overwhelmed by newer fans, and becoming “unmanageable” in a sense; it feels like we’ve lost a bit of our sense of community with the influx of new fans -- no shade to any new fans! This is just the way fandoms work. When the crowd is larger, it becomes harder recognize each member as a person, even if everything else is the same. (”The death of one man is a tragedy, the death of millions is a statistic.”) (look this is how my brain works deal with it)

I just really like this small community feel, and it’s a bit daunting looking at the smp fandom.

Also the growth Dream experienced this year is genuinely ludicrous. I mean, the wide appeal of shipping is part of it, not going to beat around that bush, but there’s just so much and I wanna read an essay from a long-time fan who saw it on why he’s got so much growth.

I really hate to shame fans and stuff, but part of it, at least for me, is that most of these new fans probably aren’t “minecrafters” like we were. I doubt the majority of them grew up on Stampy, DanTDM, and whatever the other ones I didn’t watch were. I mean, some of this is because Child. For them, the distinction is really pre-quarantine post-quarantine i guess? Really, whether they played Minecraft or not. Again, I know it’s bad to shame fans, but apparently I’m just a terrible person and I feel like it’s more shallow or disingenuous to get into MCYT when it’s popular without already being into Minecraft.

WAIT that’s it -- Minecraft community, as a whole, is special. It’s a LARGE umbrella of fandoms in general, but that’s the thing: they’re all more communities than fandoms -- from the casual builders to the pro parkour players to those who watched the og youtubers to those who followed the Great Potato War, there was Minecraft Culture.

And the expanded fandom that’s sprung up around the Dream SMP and possibly Dream in general (???) is more of fandom. It feels like a fandom. People treat it like a fandom, they talk about it in fandom spaces, it is fandom, a modern fandom. Not a quaint “little” Minecraft community.

I’m not going to say it’s because of the shipping, but... I have no data but at least I can say that it certainly creates an appeal for Fandom People as opposed to Minecraft People. And then also it’s just a fandom thing so it makes the space more fandom.

Also I realized this is all based upon a feeling, so where did the feeling come from? I was reading in-fandom texts a lot today, and I think the storyline actually might have something to do with it. Also maybe the “talking behind their backs”? I can’t be bothered to remember what I’m comparing to what at this point but that’s definitely done in a lot of other spaces I’m in, so idk.

OH FRICK I’ve mostly been *in* the fandom spaces for real things lmao. (Read: I’m 100% making up everything at this point.)

(awkward transition because I inserted the last two paragraphs later on)

And really, I played minecraft today for the first time in months. But it’s still with me, you know? The memories of being introduced to it, growing up with it. Going to the Nether with my cousins, my uncle’s giant survival mode cathedral. Mojang being bought by Microsoft and everybody hating it. (... me, my brother, my two friends, essentially... how did we even know??)

[I had part about the minecraft.net writers here but it was completely unrelated so it became it’s own post. I should do that more.]

(With every sentence the target audience of this post gets smaller.)

What was I saying? I’ll just wrap up.

TL;DR: Dream SMP fandom feels like a fandom and not a Minecraft community and while that’s not necessarily a bad thing, I’ve realized I prefer a community feel, which makes me grateful I joined the phandom now. Also I shouldn’t be allowed to post things past 9:00pm.

Oh my god I’m so sorry to all my mutrals. My tired loquacious reflex has kicked in. This is essentially a dan and phil stan blog, and though I know a few of you know what I’m going on about, I’m so sorry to the rest of you.

Well, at least *I* think I’m a fascinating person with interesting things to say hahahahha.

This is like a diary post. Should I post this? Yeah, other people should share my thoughts lol. OH NO: Late-night Tumblr fandom ramble posts are the new social-justice tirade/generally useless blog-like Goodreads reviews. At least it’s what Tumblr’s made for :P.

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excelsi-or · 4 years

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16/10/18 - pool date (woozi)

A/N: This is already posted on my AO3 account, but I want to have a place where everything I make can live (writing and art and whatever else I decide to do). You can read all the parts that I have up already on AO3, but I will also be posting the story here every (week?) day.

I’m also ye-hun on this site, and while I don’t write on that account anymore, I am active there, reblogging all sorts of nonsense. :)

to a boy i love right now

w.c. 1.9k

October 16, 2018

“How is this fun?” she demands as Hansol nudges her into the pub. “This seems like the least fun place you could take me to.”

Hansol snorts as Seungkwan follows them inside. “Oh come on. You’ve been studying non-stop, noona. It’s a good idea to relax a little.”

Her eyes swing around the room. There are four pool tables in the center with booths all along the perimeter. A few people are lined up waiting for drinks at the bar. It smells musky and the lighting is dim except for over the pool tables. It feels like a Western-cowboy movie.

“They’re here already,” Seungkwan says over her shoulder.

“Where?” she asks. Her heart rate picks up at the prospect of meeting new people.

Hansol urges her forward.

Seungkwan had called him to their apartment when she’d walked out of her bedroom and screamed into a pillow on their couch. When she’d calmed down enough to talk, Hansol had gotten out of her that she was stressed about midterm season. So Hansol had instructed that they get dressed (that included Seungkwan) and he would take them somewhere fun.

As she had left the room, she’d overheard the two boys whispering. And at first, she was compliant, going and actually getting dressed even though a little voice nagged her about all the study time she’d be missing. By the time she went out to find Hansol on the couch, she’d changed her mind.

He smiled up at her, but frowned when he saw her expression. “Ah, ah, ah, noona. You aren’t backing out. I’ve already made plans for us. There are people waiting for us.”

“There are who doing what?” she demanded. “I don’t want to see anyone, Hansol.”

“Your outfit says otherwise.”

As they now walk up to a pool table of Hansol’s music major friends, her outfit still feels out of place. Her large hoodie and skinny jeans don’t exactly feel dressed up when the boys look wonderfully casual.

“I’m so not going to enjoy this,” she mutters to Hansol. Despite herself, a smile grows on her face. The tallest one returns it when he sees her. An arm drapes around her shoulders.

“Noona, didn’t think Hansol would be able to get you out here.”

“Nice to see you too, Mingyu,” she grumbles. She leans into him. He’s the only one she’s met before. The three other boys are familiar, because they tend to be around when she goes to find Hansol on campus. The one currently angling to take a shot is dressed similarly to Mingyu in a silk shirt, though his black contrasts Mingyu’s pale pink shirt.

The familiar crack of two pool balls connecting echoes in her ears. She watches the 6-stripe roll into the right corner pocket. The man straightens and high-fives the man standing next to him. Both have equally impassive expressions, though the one who’d just played is considerably shorter than the other men around the table.

“Oh, noona, I don’t think you’ve ever met my roommate,” Mingyu says. The man looks up at Mingyu’s voice. “That’s Jihoon hyung. He’s majoring in music production.”

Jihoon bows his head and takes the water bottle from his partner’s hand so he can play. Mingyu takes it upon himself to introduce the players she doesn’t recognize. “That tall cool guy is Wonwoo hyung. He’s good at games and Jihoon hyung is really competitive, so it’s not really fair that—”

“Shut up, Gyu,” Wonwoo’s deep voice murmurs. Over the music and all the other people playing pool, she’s surprised that his voice rings clear. She hadn’t even noticed his mouth moving. Carefully, he rounds the table, eyeing all the possibilities.

Meanwhile, Mingyu draws her attention away from Wonwoo to a man with brightly coloured hair and a bright smile on his face ready to greet her. His two front teeth remind her of a bunny and she can’t help but reciprocate the smile. “This is Soonyoung hyung. He’s not very good.” He waves towards the pool table. “That’s why we’re losing and the hyungs are going to beat us.”

“You just suck at the game, Gyu,” Jihoon chuckles.

“Noona’s actually really good,” Hansol quips.

“You take my place,” Mingyu encourages. “I’ll play with Hansol and Seungkwanie.”

She bites her bottom lip as Mingyu hands off his pool cue. Jihoon, across the table, notes that the cue is too long for her. Since Wonwoo is still trying to decide at what angle he wants to hit the cue, Jihoon passes his pool cue across the table. She hands Mingyu’s back towards him and Jihoon heads towards the far wall where there are others. She tosses the pool cue between her hands and finds it’s a little too heavy for her liking. She glances at Wonwoo who still hasn’t taken his shot yet.

Soonyoung is apparently on her train of thought. “Wonwoo, stop taking eons. Let’s go.”

She joins Jihoon at the cue rack. He glances over at her as she walks up. “Still too long?”

“I tend to use a lighter one,” she admits. She hands it back to him. Jihoon studies it and watches her try two others before picking the latter. She inspects the tip and shrugs.

“You play pool often?” Jihoon asks.

She shakes her head as they make their way back to the others. “I honestly haven’t played in a while.”

Hansol, Seungkwan, and Mingyu have bought a beer for everybody. As she’s not into drinking and Jihoon has to be up early for a class the next day, they pass on the alcohol.

“More for us then,” Mingyu sings. They’ve taken to a booth across from their pool table. Wonwoo and Soonyoung with a beer in them are useless players, so she and Jihoon have kicked them out.

To make it more interesting, they’ve started betting. So far, he owes her a pizza and she owes him a coffee. It’s getting late and they’re on their last game.

She bends over to line up the cue ball with the striped 4 at the other end of the table. It’s sitting right next to the far left pocket, courtesy of Jihoon’s last shot. She tucks her hair behind her ear, but it tickles her neck. It also doesn’t help that Jihoon’s eyes are following her every move. He was careful at the beginning, careful not to stare, careful not to brush by her. As they’ve played and she’s won and made a few hard shots (and with Hansol and Seungkwan shouting some drunken facts about her), he’s become increasingly more interested.

Sighing, she pushes her cue stick into Jihoon’s hand, as he’s basically standing right next to her. There’s no elastic on her wrist, so she turns to Hansol. “Do you have one of my elastics?”

Hansol pats his pockets and nods. He stretches across Seungkwan and Soonyoung to give it to her. Since becoming friends, he’s learned to carry a spare on him for when she forgets them for lab or if she has a test. She pulls her hair up into a ponytail and sighs in relief. Rather than lining up herself and the ball again, she trusts her judgement and hits the cue.

The crack is satisfying and she watches, with a smirk, the ball fall right into the pocket. The cue ball bumps into the edge before rolling back to the center of the table. Jihoon has given her a few free shots by knocking the cue ball in after his own solid. She smiles and turns to Jihoon. “I have the 8 ball left, Jihoon. I think you’re gonna have to owe me delivery after all.”

“Hyung, don’t let her smack talk you,” Mingyu calls.

Snorting, she meets the man’s eyes. Mingyu is grinning stupidly, as he has since consuming his second beer.

“If that’s your best smack talk, I think I’ll be fine,” Jihoon snorts.

“I don’t really talk smack. I let my play prove how good I am.”

Jihoon tips his head, unable to argue with her there. She can’t get the 8-ball in one shot, so she rolls it near a pocket out of Jihoon’s way and lets him play. While he’s been checking her out, she’s been doing the same in return. And she has to admit that his butt isn’t bad to look at.

Now, he wiggles it a little, knowing she’s staring.

Maybe it’s that sip of beer from Hansol that has eased her nerves a little. Or she’s already too warm in this room that she can’t feel her embarrassment anymore.

Jihoon knocks three of his solids into various pockets. He sinks his last one and then straightens up, standing across the billiard table from her. “I bet you one date.”

She blinks in surprise at this turn of events. The boys can all hear him and hoot from their spots in the booth. Jihoon ignores them. “If I sink the 8-ball in this next shot, you owe me a date.”

As he was playing, he’d bumped the 8-ball out of alignment. To get it into any pocket from its position right now would be difficult. Jihoon is a mediocre player at best and she knows she’s better than him at the game.

Dating good looking musical types scares her though, so saying yes here would either be bad or worse news for her. Bad if she doesn’t get the date, worse if she does. So she nods. “Okay, deal.”

Jihoon smiles and her heart melts a little. The boys have gotten up, drinks in hand, to stand around the table as Jihoon lines up his shot. Hansol drapes an arm around her shoulders, mostly because he gets clingy when he’s had a bit too much to drink.

They watch as Jihoon stares hard at the table. Throughout the night, she’s watched his eyes switch from focused to unfocused just from a tilt in his head. He almost looks angry when focused.

Finally, Jihoon bends over to take his shot. The ball knocks against one side, rolls to the other before knocking into the 8-ball. The momentum continues through and pushes the ball away from the closer pocket to the one on the other side. It lands perfectly into it. Mingyu and Soonyoung yelp, running to jump onto Jihoon’s back. He grins across the table at her and Hansol squeezes her shoulder.

Outside the pub, their friends separate to give them time to say goodbye.

“I didn’t think you’d manage that last one,” she tells him honestly, burying her hands into the pockets of Hansol’s jacket.

Jihoon scratches the side of his head. “Yeah, I wasn’t expecting it either. But you owe me a coffee and a date now.”

“Coffee date on campus tomorrow then?” she asks. “After my midterm.”

Jihoon nods. He holds his phone out to her. She texts herself and feels her phone buzz in her pocket. After passing the phone back, they awkwardly stand there. He shuffles his feet, unsure of how to say goodbye.

Until Mingyu steps in to save them. He loops an arm around Jihoon’s shoulders. “You have class early tomorrow, hyung. We should go.” He steers Jihoon away. Over his shoulder, Mingyu calls, “He’ll see you in his dreams, noona.”

Jihoon’s ducked head indicates embarrassment and she can’t help but laugh.

Next: October 24, 2018

#seventeen scenarios #seventeen imagines #woozi imagines #woozi scenarios #lee jihoon scenarios #svt #seventeen #tabilrn

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liam-93-productions · 4 years

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Nearly five years ago, I saw One Direction live. Twice, on consecutive nights – on the first two dates of their On the Road Again world tour. Once was for work, to review the show. The other was for the sheer, heady, sugar-rush pleasure.

I was, I’ll admit, a little on the old side for a Directioner, even then. Most of the 45,000-odd crowd was much younger – not that that you would necessarily be able to tell from the saucy suggestions on their homemade signs. “I don’t want to draw attention to them,” Liam Payne had said fussilyon stage.

It was an on-brand comment for the then-21-year-old Payne, who, had the harried, slightly anxious energy of a father-of-four at Disneyland. And no wonder: it was clear, even to me, that Zayn Malik had checked out, barely bothering to conceal his rolling eyes. He would be gone within the month, marking the beginning of the end (or “indefinite hiatus”) for the biggest boy band in the world.

“It was a point where every day, you didn’t know whether it was going to be the end,” says Payne, sitting in the offices of his PR company in central London. “It was so touch and go, at every single show. I was slowly losing the plot.”

Now 26 and almost totally tattooed, Payne has a new album on which he raps about getting rowdy on Bacardi and being “free” from 1D. At the same time his very-nearly-naked form is plastered on buses and train stations in a provocative ad campaign for Hugo Boss.

Yet Payne is as polite and agreeable as if he were talking to his best friend’s mother. He is tired he says after an energetic early morning music video shoot. “There was a trampoline involved,” he says, sucking on his silver Juul. “It was hell – but it will look great.”

Gym beast and sex symbol are relatively new tags. His role as the diplomat of the group was established from the time they were first assembled from five solo applicants on The X Factor in 2010.

Payne auditioned when he was just 14, but was told by Simon Cowell to “come back in two years”. He did – and, eyes serious beneath his enormous fringe, blew the judges away with a brassy rendition of Cry Me a River.

Growing up in Wolverhampton, he had been a talented cross-country runner – making the reserve list for the British Olympics team. But a fan of Usher, Justin Timberlake and Chris Brown, he was drawn to singing as “the thing that made my parents proudest”. His backup plan, had he not got through on X Factor, was to follow his father into an aircraft fitting factory.

Once grouped in One Direction it took the five boys, then between 16 and 19, to pull together. “At the start we couldn’t get past our own egos,” says Payne. There would be fights over who got to sing what part, and even personal style. “Everybody had their own little thing – it was like having four older brothers.”

Payne went on to write songs for the group, contributing to two-thirds of their 2014 album Four (arguably their best) and even earning a production credit on 2015’s Made in the AM. But in the early days he would be the one to sing the opening part because, he was told at the time, he “used to settle everybody”.

Payne says he was a more experienced performer than the other boys, and a “bit more mature” – which he puts down to spending more time with his dad than his peers, and being so focused on a career in showbusiness. “I’d lived a different lifestyle from 14 to 16. Most kids try alcohol and experiment – I never did any of that because I thought there’s a chance that I might make it.”

Management took advantage of this, he says, telling him his “very specific role” in the group was to keep the rest in line. “I was like, that’s great, innit – because then everyone in the band thinks I’m a dick.” He remembers one of the band’s first hotel stays. “We’ve got plates being thrown out the window, mattresses being ridden down the stairs, and I’m getting calls from the manager saying: ‘You need to sort it out’.”

It wasn’t lost on the fans. Where Malik and Styles were the heartthrobs, Payne says he was classed as Mr Boring. “When you’re at the stadium, and if you get the least screams, it’s like: ‘For fuck’s sake.’”

After a year playing 1D-Dad he gave up and learned to have fun. “If you can’t beat them, join them” – at which point, he notes wryly, the band’s public image became more cheeky and carefree. “And the more fun we had, the more successful it got.”

He recalls performing to sold-out stadiums night after night, seeing “hundreds” of iPhones being thrown onstage in the vain hopes of their being returned with a selfie. “It’s like the kids just lost their minds.”

“There were parts of it that were a bit shit, like there is with anything,” he says, “and there were parts of it that was just euphoria.”

He recalls seeing 15,000 fans camped outside his hotel room in Lima, Peru. Security had advised them to stay inside all day, and because “they were the adults, we thought they were in charge. Then over time we started to figure out that they weren’t, and that’s when we used to run off.”

Yet the adrenaline peaks of performing, followed by long troughs of tedium, were akin to a drug addiction, says Payne. He turned to alcohol. “Doing a show to however many thousands of people, then being stuck by yourself in a country where you can’t go out anywhere – what else are you going to do? The minibar is always there. ”

For a time, he was also taking an epilepsy drug as a mood stabiliser that he says affected his cognitive functioning under certain lights. Payne says he had been well advised to take it, to counter the “erratic highs and lows” he was experiencing – “I just needed a little bit of help to keep me stable” – “but under certain lights on stage or during interviews, I wouldn’t be able to tell them my name”.

The day we meet, Payne has made headlines for telling Ant Middleton on the pair’s Sky One show that the loneliness of fame had “almost nearly killed” him. When Middleton asked Payne if he had ever wanted to act on those feelings, Payne said that he had: “100%”.

He is not inclined to discuss this today, “because it’s a bit dark,” he says, a touch brusquely – “but yeah, it was very touch and go at times”. This was both in 1D and afterwards, he clarifies. As One Direction got bigger and bigger, he says, “I was like: ‘I don’t really know how to deal with this’. Once you start, you can’t really press the stop button.”

The “indefinite hiatus” button, though, was easier – in mid-2015, four months after Malik’s departure, the band made the decision together. “It was a little bit dark and twisted towards the end of it,” says Payne, “but the last few shows were really beautiful moments because the pressure cooker had been let off.

“It was almost like counting down to holiday – we were going to wake up that Monday morning with no schedule.” Afterwards Payne was in therapy for two years, and took six months off. “It was difficult at the start, because I didn’t really know anything about myself. It was a bit of a numb feeling.”

(...)

That schedule is about to get busier, with Payne’s debut album as a solo artist finally out this Friday. Laden with chart-friendly trop house, trap and Latin pop influences, LP 1 plays like a water cannon aimed at commercial radio – there is even a Christmas song.

It has been a long lead-up: the first single, Strip That Down, was released nearly two years ago and established Payne as the 1D member most influenced by contemporary hip-hop – perhaps too much so. A picture he posted to Instagram of himself in February 2018 wearing a chain necklace, flipping the bird and bragging about travelling by private jet was quietly deleted following ridicule.

Amid the success of Strip That Down, which was streamed over 1bn times, Payne was also still “struggling” with alcohol: “I just hid it very well.” He went on to spend an entire year sober – a necessary if boring step. “My social life completely plummeted. I always feel like you never get past the awkward first 10 minutes at a party, when everyone’s like: ‘Do we get up and dance, or do we just sit here?’ I don’t know whether it made me happier, but it was definitely needed.”

His more recent stint of self-discipline was to prepare for his nude photo shoot with model Stella Maxwell for Hugo Boss. In the lead-up, he was in the gym between “five and eight times a week, sometimes twice a day” and eating mostly chicken and vegetables – with no carbohydrates after 2pm and nothing at all after 8pm. For the last “stripping” phase, he ate nothing but porridge and white fish for a month. “It was horrible – but it definitely works.”

The shoot had been his idea, inspired by campaigns featuring David Beckham and Mark Wahlberg – Payne’s role models, whose cross-disciplinary celebrity shapes his own career goals. Last year he auditioned in front of Steven Spielberg for a part in next year’s West Side Story remake, and has been submitting audition tapes irregularly since. “It’s just trying to manage the time in between (...), singer, model and whatever.”

Between the trap beats, tighty-whities and tattoos is he attempting to put across a new, more grown-up image? “Oh yeah, definitely.”

In One Direction, he was “Mr Vanilla – no one wanted to know a thing”. Then, with the “chain and rapper phase … I didn’t really know what I was aiming for, but it was actually exactly where we are right now. I just needed to find the right keys to make me feel like the man I wanted to be.”

Which is, he jokes, is “like a really English Magic Mike”. Do you like being objectified, I ask? “I think it’s quite funny,” says Payne, clearly delighted. The other day, he says, someone sent him a picture of an old lady walking past an enormous blown-up poster of him in his pants. Not bad for Mr Vanilla, I say. “Exactly.”

Liam Payne’s debut album LP1 is out on Friday 6 December

#liam payne #the guardian #one direction #lp1 #liam's interviews #02.12.2019

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triptychexe · 4 years

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TITLE: Days and Nights SUMMARY: Jin’s on house arrest and it’s harder to handle than she thought it would be. Van makes everything a little bit better by giving Soojin a much-needed pep talk. WORD COUNT: 2.3k GENRE: angst? some soft moments too. PAIRING: Platonic!Jin + Van, Platonic!Triplex

WARNINGS: mentions of stalking, mentions of declining mental health, I think there’s a few swears? If any other warnings should be made, please let me know!

A/N: This piece does follow up Escalation if you are interested! If you don’t feel like reading that, basically all you gotta know for this is that Soojin has a stalker still out there & while her company is looking for him, she’s not supposed to leave her building without supervision for safety reasons <3

WINTER 2018

It took Jin only two weeks to come to the conclusion that time was just a social construct. Days and nights were nothing but the sun setting and rising. There was no difference between three o’clock and four o’clock. And sometimes days felt like a familiar film that replays in an infinite loop, except there was no plot, and nothing ever happened.

The only excitement in the singer's new routine was when she would get calls from her manager or Hak Bonghwa himself. Before every call, her heart would skip an irregular beat, the nagging fear that her stalker might have found her phone number again. But everytime she checked the caller ID, the rest of the interaction was always familiar. Whoever called would inform her that no new leads have been found, that they’re still looking, and that things will be resolved as soon as they can. Then she hung up, and went back to her dull existence.

For a while, she was fine with everything being mundane and regular. She needed some time to let herself bounce back and to relax. This relaxation period only lasted about two days. Then she started overthinking everything that has happened up until now, the thoughts making her more anxious than soothed.

The only thing to stop her from thinking too much was to stay busy. Even though Trois’ promotional period ended prematurely, HBH was gearing up for Triplex to make their debut. As the self-proclaimed leader of the second generation, she felt the urge to assist in any way she could.

“Chaewon, your hair is a mess.” Jin scolded one morning as she placed a homemade omelette in front of the younger girl. It was the second successful omelette Soojin has ever made. Her daily breakfast routine was finally starting to result in some cooking skills.

“Chaewon, your hair is a mess.” Chaewon mimicked a pitched sing-songy voice. “I don’t need to do my hair perfectly, we have stylists on set that can do it for me.”

Soojin arched her eyebrow at the younger girl. “And I don’t need your attitude. Mock me again and you’ll get bruises your stylists will have trouble covering.” Her harsh words would have been intimidating, if it wasn’t for the small grin on her lips. Chaewon chuckled, shoveling a piece of eggs with peppers into her mouth.

“Good one, Soojin. I’d love to see you try to batter me up.” Chaewon teased.

“No talking while eating.” Soojin playfully narrowed her eyes before turning away to glance at the clock. It was nearing eight and Sunhee hadn’t come out of her room for breakfast yet. Soojin sighed before taking a deep inhale, inflating her lungs.

“Sunhee! Let’s go! Breakfast is getting cold!” Soojin hollered towards the direction of Sunhee’s room. She was sure she heard a groan of annoyance in response, but she chose to ignore it.

In a few minutes, Sunhee was sulking into the kitchen, her eyes still bloodshot and heavy. Soojin sighed, as she placed a second omelette in front of her.

“Good morning, Sunhee.” Soojin greeted. She got a guttural grunt in response.

“Why do we have to be up so fucking early to take pictures?” Sunhee complained. Jin frowned at the vocalist, unimpressed with her attitude.

“Be grateful that you have a sponsorship like this so early into your career.” Soojin reminded them. “Innisfree is a popular company, and the fact that they wanted you three out of all the idols they could have hired means a lot.”

Sunhee didn’t respond. She silently shoveled food into her mouth. Chaewon giggled and poked one of Sunhee’s puffed cheeks. Sunhee grinned and swatted the hand away, but Chaewon wasn’t done teasing her friend. Eventually, the two were nudging each other and trying to knock each other off their stools. Soojin learned when they first moved in together that interrupting SunWon’s rough housing only resulted in two sulky girls. It was better for them to get their playtime in.

Right before Chaewon was about to topple over in her seat, the doorbell rang. Soojin rushed to the door, opening it to reveal a well-groomed Kit.

“Aw, Heshen! You look so handsome!” Soojin cooed, opening the door further for the younger boy to enter the apartment. Kit’s cheeks flushed as he looked down at his outfit. He was wearing a button-up shirt under a soft cardigan, cuffed pants, and shiny loafers. To Soojin, he looked like the perfect representative for Innisfree products.

“Thanks, Soojin.” He smiled. Sunhee and Chaewon hopped off their seats when they heard their friends voice, rounding the corner and sliding in their socks against the wooden floor.

“Woah, Heshen. You look…” Sunhee’s eyebrows shot up.

“Presentable!” Chaewon completed Sunhee’s thought, a teasing grin on her face. “You usually dress so bummy, I forget that you’re actually attractive!”

Heshen’s smile faded. “How the hell am I supposed to respond to that?” “By thanking me.” Chaewon wrinkled her nose playfully. “That-” Heshen started to argue but Soojin intervened after she got a text on her phone.

“How about you guys continue this in the car? Hyungjung says she’s downstairs waiting.” Soojin said.

The three teenagers gathered their things and filed out the door. Soojin waved goodbye from the doorway, smiling as the trio of them waved from the elevator. When the elevator doors closed, Soojin felt the weight of loneliness again.

Now that she was alone, she started to remember the last time she was alone in the dorm. The night she received that infamous phone call. Soojin shivered at the memory, an irrational worry that someone might pop out behind the couch seized her consciousness. Before she let herself think about all the horrible things that could happen unsupervised, her doorbell buzzed.

Jin peeked through the peephole cautiously. Through the fish-eye lens, she saw a smiling Van rocking back and forth on his heels. Van and Jin weren’t exactly the closest members of Triptych, given their scheduling. Maybe he was here to give her updates on her sasaeng.

With a shred of hope, she opened the door, peeking her head out cautiously. Van’s smile was still present as ever, his eyes squinting ever so slightly with the curve of his cheek.

“Hi!” Van smiled. “Hey.” Soojin returned the smile kindly. “What’s going on?” “Nothing. I don’t have anything to do today, so I thought I’d come over to check on you.” Changmin said, his expression changed into one that was slightly sheepish. “But I totally understand if you wanted space.”

Soojin’s chest felt lighter, like a weight has been lifted.

“Yeah! I could use some company. Come in.” She smiled, thanking the stars above that she wouldn’t have to brave the lonesomeness of the dorm alone right now. She eagerly stepped aside, allowing Changmin to enter her dorm.

“You’re alone?” Changmin frowned, looking around the dorm. “Shouldn’t someone be here with you?”

Soojin shrugged. “The others have schedules today. Plus, I can take care of myself, you know?”

Changmin nodded. “Of course, of course.” Soojin couldn’t tell if he was saying that genuinely or to comfort her.

“Um, can I make you tea or something?” Soojin asked politely, swaying her arms back and forth to fill up the awkwardness that had settled over the pair.

Changmin smiled. “I’ll make us some tea. How about you sit down?”

Soojin arched an eyebrow. The offer caught her off guard. Changmin chuckled at the expression on the girl’s face. “Kit mentioned that you have been helping Triplex prepare for debut and making him breakfast and stuff. Let me repay you for taking care of our maknae.” Changmin insisted.

The gentle finality in Changmin’s voice told Jin that there was no use in arguing with him. Instead, she led him to the kitchen and sat herself down at the table. She watched as Changmin moved around the kitchen, finding the materials he needed to make them both a hot beverage.

“So,” Changmin spoke as he turned the oven on to boil some water. “Kit hasn’t been bothering you, has he? I know he’s over here a lot.”

Soojin shook her head. “I like the company. Keeps me busy.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be resting?” Changmin arched an eyebrow. Soojin couldn’t help but roll her eyes. “I tried that, but I realized that resting goes hand in hand with reflecting and…” Soojin let her voice trail off. She stared down at the kitchen floor, licking her teeth. She didn’t need to continue, Changmin understood the rest.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Changmin asked, furrowing his eyebrows in worry. Jin hesitated. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to talk about it or not. HBH already made her go to two therapy sessions. After the second session, Jin decided that reliving one of the most traumatic nights of her life with a woman she’s never met didn’t help her in the slightest. She didn’t want someone psycho-analysing her, she didn’t want to feel like she was put under a microscope.

“Not really.” Jin answered honestly. Changmin nodded in understanding. “Well, if anything changes, you know where to find me.” Changmin angled his head towards the wall, gesturing in the general direction of his own dorm. Jin hummed in appreciation.

“What about you? Anything on your mind lately?” Jin asked, the pad of her finger tracing the ceramic lip of her cup in a lazy circle. Changmin sucked on his bottom lip, shrugging.

“Nothing’s really been going on.” He responded. “I guess I’m just anticipating the second generation’s debut.”

“Trois already debuted.” Jin reminded him. Their debut was short, but was it really that forgettable? “I mean like… You know. The other subunits.” Van shrugged. The tightness in his tone helped Jin piece together the hidden emotions that her older groupmate had towards the additional members of the group.

“You’re skeptical.” Jin inferred.

Changmin sucked on his teeth. “The word ‘skeptical’ seems really judgemental…” “But you do have concerns?” Jin arched her eyebrow.

“I mean, yeah. Nothing major, of course.” Changmin held a hand up in surrender. “But you know… It’s just kinda nerve wracking thinking that your career in this group could be snuffed out by a teenager who has more charisma than you.”

Soojin’s eyebrow arched even higher, the corners of her lips settling into an unpleasant frown. What was he implying?

Suddenly, the corner of Changmin’s lips quirked before he quickly straightened out his face. A small chuckle slipped between Changmin’s lips.

“What?” Jin asked, finding a small smile quirking on her own lips at the sight of Changmin trying to keep himself composed. An identical smile mirrored on Van’s face as he shook his head.

“Sometimes you act just like Yerin.” He confessed. “The amount of times she’s given me that face… You’re gonna have to develop a stronger gaze if you wanna intimidate anyone in our group.”

Soojin pressed her lips together. The Yerin comparison. It was bound to happen. Despite not being close, Yerin and Soojin’s name had been strung together since Soojin’s trainee days. Even after making an attempt to give herself her own name, Yerin’s identity seemed to stick to her more than ever.

“Looks like someone else has their own concerns.” Van noted. The playfulness in his tone was gone, replaced by curiosity.

“It’s just… Comparisons get dull.” Jin shrugged. Changmin nodded in understanding. “I didn’t mean it like that. You and Yerin are two very different people.”

Jin managed a dull, mirthless chuckle. “Yeah. I’m her but if she had two left feet and a stalker.”

“Not funny.” Changmin frowned.

“It kinda is though.” “No, it’s not.” “I’m coping, let me have this.” Soojin’s lips quirked, bringing her mug up to her lips, although the drink had lost its warmth.

“You have a darker sense of humor than Yerin, that’s for sure.” Changmin shook his head, taking a drink himself. He hesitated before speaking. “Don’t mention any of this to Yerin, but… You’re not like her in the best way possible. You seem more… human.”

Jin let out a low whistle. “Damn. That’s…” Jin quirked her head, looking down at her cup and trying not to laugh at the bluntness of Changmin’s statement. Changmin let out an air of a chuckle.

“No, listen,” He pleaded. “Yerin’s great but Yerin’s never had the general public go against her like you have. You’ve gone through hell these past few weeks and you still are a kind person. Yerin kinda loses it when someone so much as steps a toenail out of line.”

Soojin searched Changmin’s face skeptically. “I thought you were friends with Yerin.”

“I am, but working with people closely makes you realize their flaws in high definition.” Changmin mused, a small smirk on his lips. “If you’re not getting under each other’s skin at least a few times a month, you’re not getting the full Triptych experience.”

Soojin pursed her lips and nodded. “Good to know.”

“But hey,” Changmin spread his arms with a smile on his face. “We’re still one big, slightly-dysfunctional family. We support each other just as frequently as we bicker with one another. Which is why I’m here! I’m like… The brother you never asked for.”

Soojin’s heart clenched. She hasn’t had a ‘family’ in so long. Not since she stopped talking to her parents. The trainees were the closest she’s gotten to a home. Now with everything going on and promotional schedules being so frequent, she felt like there was no structure anymore. Maybe that’s why her days and nights bled together, because there was no one there to help her keep track of them.

Tears formed on her waterline as she placed the mug down on the counter. Without thinking much of it, Jin walked straight into Changmin’s open arms, pressing her cheek against his chest as she hugged him.

“Oh.” Changmin let out a small exclamation of surprise. Gently, his arms came down to hug Soojin back.

#kocsociety #kumokocnet #aeskocnet #kpop oc #kpop additions #additional member #kpop au #kpop rp #idol rp #fake kpop group #jin.txt #van.txt #one.txt #sun.txt #kit.txt

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multmilk · 4 years

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Addiction | w.yh

Pairing: Bestfriend!Lucas x Reader

Warnings: Use and mention of alcohol and cigarettes, mention of strippers (lol), angst & making out. Also suicide (mentioned not in a descriptive way but if you feel uncomfortable please do not read this. Do not risk your mental health for this, I love you!)

Word count: 2.5k

---

Blue lights strobed around the room and loud music was playing, making the people dance wildly.

Lucas was sat in between two strippers with a glass of whiskey in his hand. He wasn’t even sure why he was watching these dancers perform for him when he could easily just watch you.

The two of you were inseparable, wherever you went he did too. There was just no way he would leave your side. Lucas always guided you throughout your poor life decisions—boys, cigars and liquor. He felt the need to always keep you safe and he doesn’t care if he gets in trouble in the process too. Another factor was that he was in love you.

He loved you ever since you saved him from whores living in his home that tried to consume and corrupt him. He loves the way you talk about the universe and your passion. He loves the warmth and gentleness your being brings to his soul. With you, he feels like the world just consists of you and him. Your eyes that could pierce his soul—oh how he loves getting sucked into them every time.

You were irrational and overly-sensitive when making decisions and Lucas was all there to straighten them out. He makes sure that when you drink and smoke, you don’t push your limit. He makes sure no boys could hurt or take advantage of you and he did all of those because he loved you.

You were currently dancing against Mark Lee and boy was he blushing. You looked gorgeous wearing a green silk slip dress that Lucas bought you. It’s been a month since you’ve been partying non-stop which deeply concerned Lucas but he couldn’t stop you, you were too stubborn for your own good.

As soon as the song ended, you strutted towards Lucas, eyes narrowing as you spotted the strippers he was sandwiched in between, at this Lucas chuckles. He signaled the erotic dancers to leave as soon as you seated on his lap, burying your head on the crook of his neck.

“Lucas,” you breathed. The way you said his name sent shivers down his spine. Just as he was about to reply with a cheeky remark, he felt tears on his neck. You were crying and lightly shaking.

“What’s wrong?” he gently pulled your head back to face him, his eyes searching for yours. Your eyes screamed of sadness and exhaustion, university really was taking a toll on you. You lay there in his arms feeling secure and like tomorrow would be better. For a second, you actually believe that everything will be okay. You’ll graduate with flying colors, you’re going to have your dream job, you and Lucas would still keep your friendship and you’d finally be able to commit into a serious relationship.

You had serious commitment issues, all product of your parent’s divorce (though it was better seeing them apart rather than them tearing and clawing at each other every minute) and your past boyfriend.

After your last relationship ended way back in 2018, you started getting addicted to boys. You slept with people then left them hanging. You toyed with their emotions and you felt powerful. It all was wrong until you met Wong Yukhei. He led you towards the right path, he helped you realize and fix your mistakes. He shaped you into becoming a better person. You saw the light in him.

You needed a distraction away from the nagging thoughts inside your head, away from the demons living inside of you. You would not let yourself be destroyed by your own guilt and regrets, so you opted to drink and smoke your night away.

Lucas tried to get you to quit your unhealthy habit but you insisted that it was the only thing keeping you sane so he agreed. He was a great company, sometimes he’d even drink with you but never too much. You didn’t know why he was so afraid to let loose around you, it’s not like you haven’t seen him drunk before.

Anyways, as you calmed yourself, Lucas combed your hair and smiled at you. His smile was to die for, it probably was your favorite thing about him. His lips were so plump and soft—you thought about how it would feel against your own. You thought about his teeth biting down on your lip, his tongue playing dominance with yours. You weren’t even going to deny that you found your best friend attractive, I mean, who wouldn’t say he was right?

“Come with me to the restroom,” you suggested. He raised his eyebrows at you and you hit his shoulder lightly, giggling. You grabbed his hand and the two of you walking towards the girl’s restroom. You peaked inside the comfort room to see if there was anyone, seeing as you two would be alone you pulled Lucas inside with you. He stared at you with big and wild eyes, his lip was quivering as well. You laughed and put your hands on his neck.

“Y/N…” he trailed off. “Stop this. What even are you doing?” “Kiss me,” you said. His hands that were gripping once on your waist quickly retracted, you groaned at the loss of contact.

“Don’t you want me, Lucas?” his big eyes stared at yours like he was looking for something. “I do want you Y/N but this just seems way out of line. Did you drink too much? Do you want to go home?” then you kissed him. You kissed him again but pulled away once he didn’t kiss back. “Y/N, we can’t,” he stated firmly. “I just need to feel loved. Please, Lucas. Just this once,” for a moment, you felt like crying because of embarrassment. You humiliated yourself in front of your best fucking friend and on top of that, you probably scarred your most treasured friendship. fuck.

You felt his soft lips on yours, it felt like heaven, he felt like heaven. Lucas put his hands on your waist and yours on his hair, tugging lightly to which he moaned at. You were the one to pull away so that you could both catch your breath. “Just this once,” Lucas breathed and then pulled you to kiss him again.

Just this once quickly turned into days then into weeks ‘til you were fucked and it went on for months. Nothing much changed except that Lucas had fallen deeper in love with you, if that were even possible. The two of you pretty much fucked everywhere—after classes in the mathematics classroom, on his bed, on your couch, outside your porch, inside his bathroom, literally everywhere. You weren’t complaining because you knew you both wanted it.

Having sex with Lucas changed you though. You went to your classes feeling livelier than the day before, you finished the day looking forward to the next, you felt lighter. You weren’t the only one changing though, Lucas went to his classes more late than usual, he had eye bags weighing like tons of rocks and his hair disheveled albeit him convincing himself that he was happy.

He held you at night like he hasn’t before, the two of you were intimate and he was sure of that. He got to worship and appreciate your body and treat you like a queen. He had everything he could ever ask for so why was he so what was his problem? He thought about it for days and he knew why his feelings were a mess. It occurred to him that you may just be toying with him, maybe he was just another knot on your belt but he refused to believe that.

He tried his best to believe that you truly loved him. That your heart would beat the same as his when you two cuddled at night, but as longer the two of you fucked and lacked romance and passion, he was deeply convinced that you didn’t feel the same way about him. To feel at peace he asked you to meet him and he planned on confronting you.

---

You looked gorgeous and you knew it. You had a big smile on your face, you were ecstatic to tell Lucas about your day but your smiled dropped once you saw Lucas’ eyes. It was full of sorrow, it reminded you of what your eyes once were.

“I’m tired of this,” he simply says. Lucas doesn’t look at you. “Then you should rest,” “I’m tired of us, Y/N,” he stated again. You felt a pang in your heart, you weren’t quite sure why.

“Let’s stop then,” you replied back and took a step forward towards him. “It’s not easy to break what we have, you and I both know that,” “Then let’s go take a break. We can do that,”

He huffed and clenched his fists. He fucking huffed at you, what the hell was his problem? “Are you going through something? Are you okay? Because what the fuck Lucas”, you continued, “You do not invite me over just so you could clench and fucking get piss-“ “I love you,” he cut you off then he looked at you.

Ah, and there it was. His eyes he was trying so hard to hide. His eyes that held the truth and the affection. He loves you and you want to run away—so you did. You ran as far as you can, not caring that you were almost hit by multiple vehicles. You shouted and cried, you questioned why He has to be so cruel. Why he makes your best friend fall in love with you.

You didn’t deserve Lucas and you know it. You corrupted him enough already and this? Him falling in love with you, him wanting to have you as his forever? Everything made you feel mad. Next thing you know, you were out partying again. Lucas hasn’t called nor texted, he didn’t try to stop you when you ran away ‘He probably expected that already’ you thought.

It’s been exactly 4 months since Lucas confessed and you running away like a coward.

You had thought over and over about what you should do. Why you want to fix things, why you ran away, why you wanted him back. You were scared to try but you were willing to try. You loved him back so you approached him at lunch break.

He was sat with Mark and Donghyuck, they patted him on the back when they saw you approach.

“Hey, can we talk?” your hands were trembling. He took one look at you and he caved in. Truth be told, he didn’t want to speak with you. Both of you were hurt and he was just in the process of moving on from it. “Okay,” then you two walk outside.

---

“Lucas, I’m sorry,” when he didn’t respond you continued. “I’m sorry for running away that night. I know I shouldn’t have but I can’t take it back so I’m sorry,” you hear him sigh. “I-I want to try. I want to try to be in a relationship with you,” you see him wince at the word ‘try’ “Why?” he finally speaks. “Because I love you too, Lucas,” and then he shakes his head in disbelief. “You say you love me, it took you four months to realize that? Did all the partying and sex the past three months tire you, hm?” he was angry but you let him continue “W-why do you love me Y/N?” your eyes started to well. You weren’t sure how to answer him, you could tell him all the things you love about him and what makes him so lovable but you too weren’t sure why. “I was afraid of commitments. Scratch that, I still am. Wanting to try with you means I really love you, don’t I? Doesn’t that count for something? And you love me too,” you were crying now.

“So you love me because I love you,” it wasn’t a question, it was more of a statement but you nodded nonetheless. “You can’t love me just because I love you. You were addicted to me Y/N, hell you may still be!” his words were hurting you, it was making your heart ache. “You stopped drinking and smoking when we started fucking. You know why that happened Y/N?” a few students were looking at the two of you but Lucas didn’t seem fazed. “I was your drug. You used me to distract you and then you got scared because I actually had real feelings for you and you ran away because you were scared—and I understand that. But, you returning here just because what? You hurt me and you feel bad? You come back because you know that I would accept you again?” Lucas had started to cry too.

“You cannot love me just because I love you. It’s not fair,” he exhales, “I need to be with someone who truly loves me. I cannot settle for less, because that’s what I deserve,” he finally breathes.

For the first time, you felt happy. You know he didn’t deserve to be with someone as fucked up as you are and you were glad he made the decision not to. He leaves you there alone in the middle of the hallway, crying but you felt joy.

Wong Yukhei, your favorite drug. Everyone gets addicted to something , don’t they? Turns out that yours was your best friend and even if him leaving left a huge hole in your heart, to which you know couldn’t be filled again, you were happy he would stay away from you.

Maybe in another life you could be the person he deserved. You could be the person he would want to be with. Maybe in another life.

And with that, you closed your eyes as you felt blood leave your body and your vision became blurry. The last thing you saw was Lucas carrying you outside of your building and he was crying. He was trying so hard to keep you alive but you knew—you knew he was too late. You put your hands on his cheek and whispered, “I love you, Wong Yukhei. You will always have my heart. I love,” you were cut off as soon as you took your last breath. Lucas held you in his arms like he did back at the club when you wore that green silk slip dress.

date posted: apr 27 2020

#wong yukhei au #wong yukhei angst #wong yukhei x reader #lucas x reader #nct lucas angst #multmilk writings #multmilk oneshot #multmilk w.yh #m.list

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adamwatchesmovies · 4 years

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The Best of 2019

What a year. By the time 2019 ended, I had seen over 130 new movies. It's actually probably closer to 150 but I lost count. There are a few titles I missed, such as The Dead Don’t Die, The Fanatic and Honeyland so obviously, this is not an all-encompassing, definitive list of 2019’s best, but it should give you a good idea of which films you need to check out if you haven’t already.

I usually like to save the #10 spot on my list for a movie that’s just for me. Normally, this would mean a giant monster movie, an off-beat creation nobody else saw, a comic book movie that spoke to my particular tastes or maybe a Canadian movie I know didn’t get the opportunity to shine like it should’ve. This year, that’s not happening. Trimming my list down to 10 was hard enough. I certainly wasn’t going to sacrifice one more to make it just 9. Let's dig in.

10. The Farewell

It’s been weeks since The Farewell and I’m still thinking about it. If I was put in the same position as Billi, I'm not sure what I'd do? Is it better to tell someone that's dying that their days are numbered, or should you spare them from that burden? Is it really them you’d be sparing, or is keeping the secret for your own selfish needs? Writer/director Lulu Wang asks serious questions about culture I had never contemplated before. There’s a lot for you here and even more if your family comes from mixed backgrounds.

9. A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood

I heard some complaints about Fred Rogers (Tom Hanks) not being the main character of this film by Marielle Heller, from writers Micah Fitzerman-Blue and Noah Harpster. It was the right choice. The plot has a cyical reporter meet Rogers and through their relatively brief interaction, learn what we knew going in. It delivers a moving character arc without having to stain its subject with flaws we didn't want to see. The quasi-meta presentation is what elevates it into top-10 status. That extra touch means it does a lot more than simply re-iterate what we saw in the 2018 documentary Won't You Be My Neighbor?.

8. Knives Out

Knives Out is one of the most entertaining films all year. There are no profound moments of meditation, no earth-shattering realizations about yourself, just a mystery to be solved. All the suspects are so intriguing they could be the stars of their own movies. Put together in the same house as a dead body and you’ve got no idea who did it. Its screenplay is excellent. The twists are juicy. Everything ads up in a satisfying manner. Rian Johnson is already working on a sequel. I can’t wait.

7. Apollo 11

There are few holdovers from the list I made halfway through the year, which either says something about the strength of the second half of 2019, or the weakness of the first. Either way, you’ve got to see Apollo 11. It’s the closest thing to going back in time and being there when man landed on the moon. The tension and anticipation are overwhelming. Knowing what happened doesn't matter. The way the footage is assembled is nothing short of incredible. Why this documentary wasn't present at the Academy Awards is beyond me.

6. Uncut Gems

Adam Sandler should’ve been nominated for an Oscar. He wasn’t. I’ll bet you dollars to donuts it's because of his association with all of those brain-dead Happy Madison Production comedies. His history with cinema shouldn't matter. The movie is what matters. The fact is, this was the perfect role for him. It isn’t even that Sandler’s doing something different, it’s that he’s being used to his full potential. If you weren’t glued to the screen, eager to see what’s coming next, this movie would have you jumping out of the window screaming - anything to escape the anxiety the Safdie Brothers serve up with devilish grins.

5. The Lighthouse

Next on my list is The Lighthouse. Right away, the aspect ratio and black-and-white cinematography lets you know you’re in for something different. You have no idea. What I love so much about this film is the way it handles madness. At the end of the day, I’m not sure if I could tell you if Robert Pattinson’s character was crazy, if Willem Dafoe’s character was the nutty one, or if they both were. It shows you just enough to make you doubt your own sanity. It’s also unexpectedly funny, which makes it feel oddly genuine. In one scene, Robert Pattinson's Ephraim Winslow gets a hold of the lighthouse's logs. In it, his boss, Thomas (Willem Dafoe) recommends Ephraim be disciplined for masturbating excessively. Considering Thomas has been cavorting with some kind of tentacle creature up in the lighthouse (at least that's what I think I saw, I'm not so sure anymore), all you can do is laugh. What kind of loony bin is this turning into? One I'm looking forward to revisiting.

4. 1917

Shot in a way that makes it all look like one take, 1917 is a technical marvel. It hooks itself up to your circular system and steadily replaces your blood with pure, undistilled stress. As you're about to flatline, it stops and gives you a breather. A shot of a meadow untouched by the ravages of war; a reminder of what the soldiers are fighting for and of how utterly devastating armed combat is on humanity as a whole. Gorgeous cinematography, powerful emotions, magnificent production values.

3. Joker

Along with Godzilla: King of the Monsters (a movie they basically made for me), this was my most anticipated movie of the year. To get ready, I watched Taxi Driver and The King of Comedy, two Scorsese films Joker director Todd Phillips drew a lot of inspiration from. For some reason, it seems as though many critics took offense to the similarities. Sometimes I understand differing opinions from mine. This time, I don’t. It’s a great film that warns of the dangers of letting people like Arthur Fleck (brilliantly performed by Joaquin Phoenix) fall through the cracks. Left unchecked, he discovers that by doing terrible things, he becomes a “better” version of himself. It’s not a drama. It’s a horror movie that spins the familiar Batman archenemy in a new direction but also stays true to the character. There are several scenes in this movie that are going to be permanently imprinted in my brain. Those stairs. Need I say more?

Runner-ups

Avengers: Endgame

Even if every single Marvel movie going forward is awful, this caps off the whopping 22-chapter saga epically. A couple of aspects bugged me enough that it could only manage to make the runner-up list but it's a terrific film.

Booksmart

The funniest comedy of the year. I think back to Amy and Molly using their hairs as masks and still can't manage to hold back a few chuckles months later.

Toy Story 4

This one was hard to cut. The only flaw I could find was that it isn’t on the same level as 3… even though they’re both 5-star movies.

Midsommar

I’ve heard the extended cut is even better than the original. I wish I’d had the chance to see it in theatres.

Jojo Rabbit

Audacious and heartfelt. I loved those scenes of Scarlett Johanson being a mom. Her agent might've dropped the ball getting her cast in Ghost in the Shell but she sure knew how to pick great work in 2019.

Once Upon a Time in Hollywood

Quentin Tarantino brings us back to a time when Roman Polanski was simply a good director instead of a convicted rapist, movie stars were untouchable, and the death of someone’s wife under mysterious circumstances was nothing to raise eyebrows about. It’s not a movie that screams “here and now”. If anything, it’s regressive. That said, I cannot deny the experience I had watching it. It’s a once-in-a-lifetime kinda thing and I doubt even Tarantino could pull it off again. I wonder how many people went in knowing what happened to Sharon Tate like I did.

Marriage story

It’s nothing but raw emotion and powerhouse performances in this drama about two people you love going through a divorce. I always make it my goal to watch movies all the way through without any interruptions. Several times throughout, I was tempted to hit "Pause" so I could catch my breath.

Internet lists are everywhere. You know why, don’t you? They suck you in and when you get down to it, most don’t require all that much effort to put together. Except when I make them, apparently. These bi-annual lists always turn out to be difficult to put together. 2019's proved particularly arduous. I’m fairly sure that my #3 movie belongs there. Out of all the movies on this list, it’s probably the one I’m going to go back to most often. The other two? I’d say that technically, one may be better than the other but I think the other one is “more important” so that gives it the edge. What I’m trying to say is, they’re all winners and on a different day, I might even swap them around.

2. Little Women

I have only seen three of the seven silver screen adaptations of Louisa May Alcott’s novel and I don’t expect any of the others to top this one. The secret ingredient to this one's success is Greta Gerwig. Writing and directing, she does so much more than merely translate the classic to movie form. She re-arranges the story to give the events a greater punch than they would if they were shown chronologically and puts a little more emphasis on a couple of key moments (that tear-jerking Christmas, for example) to crank up the emotion. She also makes it more modern without having to change anything about the setting or characters. Admittedly, the back-and-forth between the past and present is a little jarring at first - makes you wonder what Greta Gerwig could’ve done had she been given the de-aging budget Martin Scorsese was given - but that’s where the performances and costumes come in. It takes mere moments before you get what the movie is doing. I’ve said it already but it made me cry.

1. Parasite

To make this list, I didn’t go through all of my past reviews and check which ones were rated what. I thought back to which movies gave me the most vivid memories, which ones gave me the biggest reactions. I’m still not sure how I feel about the final final moment but there’s so much about Parasite that I admire. This would be a great one to watch with others just to see their reactions to the reveal about the bookcase.

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rebelsofshield · 4 years

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Star Wars: The Clone Wars: “ The Bad Batch”-Review

Seven years since its cancellation and six since the final episodes aired, Star Wars: The Clone Wars makes its final triumphant return on Disney+. Beginning this twelve episode conclusion is a familiar story to fans of the series that has been brought to thrilling new life. It may not be a series best, but The Clone Wars fans will be more than pleased with “The Bad Batch.”

(Review Contains Episode Spoilers)

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The Republic defense of the shipyards of Anaxes have taken a turn for the worse. Separatist forces led by Admiral Trench have updated their tactics and are outpacing clone forces before they can react. Captain Rex has a theory, that Trench’s forces have somehow gotten hold of his battle playbook developed alongside deceased ARC trooper Echo. In the hopes of proving this theory and potentially changing the tide of the campaign, Commander Cody and Rex propose a behind enemy lines stealth mission, which will be assisted by experimental clone force 99, aka “The Bad Batch.”

Wow. On just a purely personal level, watching and reviewing a new episode of The Clone Wars is a surreal experience. Reviewing episodes of the series is how I became a Star Wars blogger and even when we first heard the series was returning in 2018, I still didn’t fully believe that we would be getting new episodes. Yet here I am, in 2020, watching a brand new (sort of) episode of The Clone Wars and the show doesn’t even seem to acknowledge that it’s been gone for over half a decade. Tom Kane voice over, fortune cookie, triumphant ending credits fanfare, it’s all there. In all its goofy, beautiful, and wonderfully strange glory. The Clone Wars is back for one last time. Just wow.

I’ll admit I was initially a little disappointed that one of the three arcs we would be receiving in the final Clone Wars season would be “The Bad Batch.” The unfinished story reels were a fun experience, but as a whole, even with some of the plot twists that will come in later episodes, this arc was never really a favorite of mine. Yes, I love clones and getting to see more clone episodes is always a joy, but I was hungry for new stories and it was hard not to see a redeveloped “Bad Batch” as taking away from any number of other Clone Wars plots that never saw the light of day such as the ever elusive Cad Bane/Boba Fett arc.

Boy was I underestimating just how much this animated glow up would add to this story though. In its final seasons, The Clone Wars was undeniably some of the best looking television on the airwaves and now with production assets that are helped by a robust and experienced studio and seven years of technological advancement, the result is truly stunning. However, it’s not just that the show looks prettier, The Clone Wars is now a more confident and stylistically directed show then it’s ever been.

“The Bad Batch” ends up having two real stars. The obvious one is Dee Bradley Baker who once again gets to flex his voice acting muscles. Baker proved early on into the series’ run that he was more than able to carry entire episodes on his own by voicing ensemble casts of almost a dozen near vocally identical characters and giving them unique personalities and traits. Baker does more heavy lifting here since season four’s classic Umbara story arc and the results are no less impressive.

The second star is director Kyle Dunlevy. Dunlevy worked on many classic episodes of The Clone Wars and “The Bad Batch” may be his most assured stylistically. In addition to the improvement in animation quality, The Clone Wars in its final seasons was really beginning to experiment with creative shot composition and cinematography. I think most often of the stellar sequence in “The Unknown” which follows a single clone officer cowering from a droid invasion. Dunlevy takes this and ups it, delivering outstandingly shot action sequences and even some outstanding tracking sequences that feel more intimate and cinematic than almost anything the series has ever pulled off, or any Star Wars animated show for that matter.

I may be talking a lot about the technical aspects of “The Bad Batch” and that may be that at the end of the day, they prove to be the most impressive parts. As a narrative, “The Bad Batch” is pretty standard Clone Wars fare. Undeniably fun and explosive at times, but there isn’t quite anything here that massively strays outside some of the shows traditional formula.

In a way, it’s interesting to see that many of The Clone Wars’ old storytelling shortcomings are very much on display. The anthologized seasonal structure allowed for many things in the series’ original run such as a sprawling cast and freedom to tell stories of widely different tones and genres. However, The Clone Wars always struggled as a result in being a serialized story. Sure, events from some arcs would undoubtedly influence others, but the sort of stop and start nature of the show lead to many moments where character and story arcs disappear or burst into existence with surprising frequency.

This is very much the case with “The Bad Batch.” At its heart, “The Bad Batch” is two clone related stories. One, a narrative of clones coming to accept diversity within their own community and another in Rex having to grapple with the loss of so many brothers over the war. The second is the most emotionally interesting and engaging as Rex is easily the most war weary character the show has at this point and in a way has always functioned as something of a mouthpiece for the clones as a whole. However, Brent Friedman and Matt Michnnovetz’s script makes some logical swerves here that end up feeling surprisingly hollow. Having Rex mourn his clone brothers makes sense and its direction at some specific clones such as Fives, whom he worked closely with in multiple episodes, feels emotionally appropriate. It’s the focus on Echo and even more oddly, Hevy, that feels odd. Echo and Rex certainly appeared in tandem in multiple episodes but the only time the two really appeared as equals was in the Citadel arc where the character perished. We don’t understand Rex’s emotional connection to Echo because it was never really established in past episodes and we have no cues to fall back upon. The work done here to build context for their relationship, both professionally and emotionally, can’t help but feel a little stilted. Regardless, Baker is still able to sell Rex’s hurt and longing for hope with the right resonance and it helps carry us through these rough patches.

Also, on a very basic level, The Bad Batch are just a really fun bunch of characters. At the moment they fit a little too cleanly into various archetypes: the brutish dumb clone, the cool and badass tracker, the silent sniper, the nerdy tech, but they are fun archetypes. Their designs are creative and vivid. Baker has a hell of a time voicing them. The action with these characters is, as mentioned before, enjoyably creative and visceral. Having classic clones like Jesse and Kix get to butt heads and also grow to appreciate these new clones is a fun and upbeat little story beat for a story that’s otherwise about the lingering trauma of war. Also, Jesse got a promotion and Kix let his hair grow out! Good for them. I hope nothing bad happens to them and their futures remain Sith free.

It’s overall just a joy to have The Clone Wars back, hiccups and all. It’s a special piece of the Star Wars franchise and it’s going to be great to have it in our lives again for a few months. I can’t wait to blast more clankers alongside you all.

Score: B+

#Star Wars #The Clone Wars #Clone Wars #Star Wars: The Clone Wars #review #reviews #Captain Rex #The Bad Batch

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