#didnt even delete it or anything had no idea what happened

[ladymariayuri]

was 5 seconds away from losing my 95 hour dark souls 3 save. i might have just killed myself in front of all of you

[eph3merall]

https://www.tumblr.com/eph3merall/757482194719621120/toxicchris

Please make a part 2 😭😭😭😭😭😭

didnt know how to make a pt 2 to this tho bc i had like NO ideas so hopefully this can suffice 🙁

. . . ( pt 1 )

maybe chris was going just slightly crazy. the second you walked out that door he felt part of his heart get dragged along with you, he just didn't realize it. because you were just another girl, right? there wasn't anything particularly special about you.

maybe he chose to actively ignore the way you were always so thoughtful and sweet and patient. god, patience definitely did not run thin with you, how you always kept waiting and waiting with hope that chris would like you back. that he would magically just admit how much you meant to him, even after shaking his head with a chuckle and teling you the same things over and over again. 'y'aren't anything special, sorry babe. don't go gettin' upset since i don't like you back, okay? remember, 'cus— 'cus i told you you're jus' another girl.'

it was hard to just forget you. how could he, with the lego set you guys built together sitting proudly on his shelf? how could he just forget, with some of your things still littering his room even after he tried cleaning just so he didn't find any of your hair ties or tubes of lip gloss.

chris' heart felt heavy in his chest. he couldn't just linger on the thought of you forever though, which is why he found himself at a party. another party, which means another girl that would probably end up in his bed for the night, and another girl who would probably end up crying over the fact chris wanted nothing serious.

the pretty blonde that perches on his thigh currently is running manicured nails up his chest, purring in his ear and pressing glossy lips to his jawline that was littered with a light stubble. despite the grin adorning his face and the way his cock twitched in his jeans at the sight of the girl, she wasn't you.

no one compared to you. he still had the beaded bracelet you gifted him sitting heavy on his right wrist, the current hand fisting the blonde's hair to arch her back. chris forced himself to focus on the moment, to stop thinking about you and to focus on how nice the girl's pussy gripped his dick.

the night ended with chris showering and laying on his bed with a joint in his hand. he used to share a smoke with you at times, when things got a little too rough and the high was a nice escape from reality. his chest felt heavy, and he wasn't even sure why. was it so hard to admit that he missed you? there was nothing particularly special about you at all, you were just another girl that happened to get caught in chris' web.

in the middle of blowing out a ring of smoke, his phone chimed on his nightstand. for a second his heart jumped, maybe you reached out to him. maybe you apologized and would finally realize that he wasn't the bad guy here. that you were already on your way over. unlocking his phone proved to be a disappointment however, the notification coming from a random girl's number he didn't even remember adding.

chris hasn't blocked your number yet. he isn't sure if you deleted his, but he could assume you probably did with how upset you were when you left. that didn't stop him from sending you a text. his thumb was hitting the 'send' button before realizing what he was doing.

you didn't expect to get a text tonight. cuddled up in bed with a bunch of blankets and some snacks, laptop flipped open to netflix to binge a show you were currently interested in. when you reached for your phone, your face twisted into one of confusion, surprise, and then annoyance at the contact name you renamed 'don't answer'.

"i told you we're over, chris. i don't get why you want to talk things out— no, no you made it clear i was just another girl, right? you didn't give a fuck about that promise—" an argument sparked up and you were yelling into the speaker of your phone not long after, tears burning your eyes out of anger.

and even then chris was asking matt for a quick ride, holding his phone away from him as he told his brother that he'd make things right. he really just wanted to get rid of that stupid feeling in his chest though, which is why chris finds himself standing outside your front door.

he's hanging up and knocking, knowing you're pissed off and might slam the door in his face the second you catch a glimpse of his hair or face. and you do almost shut him out, obviously annoyed and shaken up with how fucking foolish he was—but chris is shoving inside and forcing your body into a tight hug.

because he missed you. he isn't admitting it, not now and not ever, but he ignores your screaming and just asks you to listen for a second. he isn't sure what he craves to achieve right now, but all he knows is that he has a little chance to make things better right now.

"i know, i know i was stupid baby. 'm sorry, okay? okay? i— i'm sorry, and i'll make things right, y'hear? if i can jus' stay the night we can go through my phone together n' delete all those girls' numbers, i promise."

and then he's holding his pinkie out to you, vulnerability and a bit of amusement written across his face as the reality of what he's doing finally set in.

was this good.. i like had no idea how to continue w this but anon i hope u enjoyed 😞 not proofread !!! is it js me who cant STAND to reread something youve written over again?? like i will for fics but like. idk.

—

©eph3merall 2024

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for locking an ex-friend out of a long-time gaming account?

[Context]

I (F16) had a friend, who we'll call V (F30s). We met on an online chat game, with the main focus being decorating rooms and playing mini-games with other players. She had been playing for well over ten years at that point, while I was still pretty new (about a year or two, in comparison). I had a pretty large friend group on that game, and when I met her, I kind of brought her into this group.

Several months (6+ ish) later, the group and I decided to create a knock-off room of some of the most popular rooms on the server. We had mostly all met in these popular rooms and just wanted one of our own for the friend group and others like us. This was largely my idea, along with my best friend, R (16M). R contributed the most in terms of financial support, and we both took on designing the room. Everyone else pitched in ideas, but were largely unhelpful in the grand scheme of things. V was the most unhelpful, as she would get pissy about small things that didnt go her way, even when she wasn't contributing to the creation of this room.

Eventually, the room was completed how R and I wanted it, with some input from the others. V did a 180 and was soooo happy with how everything turned out. Everything was back to normal with her.

Now, our room was not successful. We did not end up one of the popular ones. While a little disappointing, it was fine because we were still hanging out with our friends and having fun. About a month or two in, I got a message from R telling me to log on quick, bc the room was in disarray.

I logged in and people were telling me V had trashed it (all of us in the main group had complete access to the room, so could make changes as needed). While it wasn't "trashed" per se, it was a mess and it did take me a couple hours to fix everything.

Friends filled me in and told me V had apparently been secretly making her own room (another knock-off like ours, but worse) with a guy who had said some disgusting things about me, and several friends joined her in tarnishing ours before leaving to be with her.

This was an utter betrayal as I loved them all and had trusted them with something R and I worked very hard on for all of us. There was never any indication that V was unhappy with anything, as we spoke every day and she was always saying how much she loved our group and how we were definitely gonna be the most successful eventually and blah blah. I mean, I recognized that she was just saying what I wanted to hear, but still. I thought of her like a big sister.

[End Context]

A few days went by, and R and I were talking about everything that had happened. I was finally over the shock, and I was just angry. R said he wished there were some way we could get back at her. I remembered that V had given me her password months prior for an event she couldn't complete, and I had logged in and done it for her. I told him that she said it was the only password she'd ever used, since she was young, and I bet she hadn't changed it.

I was wrong, she HAD changed it, but she had also given me her email for the login information, so I tried the password on her email. I got in. So I changed her game password through her email and logged in.

She had been online, but this game would kick you off if someone else logged in while you were online, so I knew I had precious little time before she'd change the password back and I'd be kicked off.

So I went into her room, mass-banned everyone in there (including some of my former friends, one was the gross guy I hated), destroyed the room as much as possible, and then privated it so no one could enter (idk why I didn't just delete the room, wasn't thinking clearly ig). I then typed in as many censored words as I could so the auto-filter would flag her and get her account suspended.

Her account DID get suspended (and the game team was notorious for having the worst support ever. Once your account was suspended/banned, you almost never got it back), and I was auto-logged out. I logged back into my personal account, and R and I freaked out, just super giddy. V used an alt account to confront us, and ofc we denied having any involvement, but laughed at her anyways.

She did eventually (a month or two later) get her main account back, but before that she had lost all of her stuff, so she couldn't reopen her room. I was pretty satisfied with this, but some of the former friends who sided with her told me it had taken a toll on her mental health. I told them that all of their betrayals had taken a toll on MY mental health, so why should I be bothered, especially when I hadn't DONE anything (wink).

All in all, I felt justified, and she did eventually get her main account back, and I stopped playing not too long after that, but I'd still like to know what other people think.

AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[battleangel]

The End of Weird Anime

What happens to 80s & 90s anime that arent streaming right now when VHS & DVD completely go away?

The obsession with micro everything, everythings a sound bite, everything is 5 to 7 seconds, even songs, the chorus IS the song now, noone else ever hears anything else.

Only sports, reality TV and competition games can be watched week to week in real time.

All TV series now have to be immediately binged and consumed.

Its essentially bulimia.

Binge Loki in a weekend. Binge Ahsoka in a weekend. Its already done.

Whats next.

What else can I feed the machine with.

No waiting week to week. No such thing as a cliffhanger. No anticipation. No guessing whats next. No watching together as an audience.

Everything segmented, everything bifurcated, nothing in real time, nothing communal.

No season finale, no season premiere.

Same with anime.

Its not VHS or DVD anymore.

Youre not waiting for a release.

Its crunchyroll and Netflix and Funimation and Hulu and streaming.

Its the entire season of Psycho Pass all at once whenever I want to binge and gorge myself.

No asking to be taken to the mall.

No driving to Suncoast Video.

No deciding which $30 VHS or DVD to ask to be bought.

Martian Successor Nadesico or Ayashi no Ceres?

Everything is accessible.

Its less for 3 months of streaming anime than 1 anime used to cost on VHS or DVD.

No downside, if it sucks, move on.

Its not even the old school illegal Crunchyroll which was essentially Limewire for anime where you could illegally download different series.

I didnt waste time downloading for hours on my brothers computer for a shitty anime.

I didnt risk getting a virus on my brothers computer.

I dont have to clear up space.

I dont have to waste time.

I dont have to spend money.

I dont have to risk anything.

I dont have to exert any effort.

Its just, on to the next.

What does the algorithm say a Demon Slayer fan should watch next?

What should I watch now that Attack on Titan is over per the almighty algorithm?

No Viz anime catalogue to pore through.

No RightStuf catalog to highlight and fold the corners of the pages of.

No Animerica to read through every month once it arrives in the mail.

No going through AOL message boards and anime ezboards and geocities and angelfire websites to try to determine what to watch next.

No asking to be taken to your local Blockbuster to check the newest anime rentals in the "Independent/Foreign" section.

Just scroll, select, click and move on.

No need to even download and delete.

Its all streamable, instantly consumed, immediately binged then thats it.

On to the next algorithmic recommendation.

The algorithm never ends.

It always has another suggestion for you.

No meticulously going through myanimelist.com, putting up the hundreds of anime youve watched so far then scouring everyone elses lists to get ideas for new anime to watch.

Whats next after Vision of Escaflowne?

What should I watch after Yuu Yuu Hakusho?

If I can get a ride to the flea market on 18, I wonder what else they'll have similar to Dangaioh & Orguss 02?

To Macross Plus?

I wonder if Sci-Fi Channels Anime Week Festival will show something similr to Iria Zeiram or Armitage III this year.

Ninja Scroll was amazing, I wish I could see Wicked City since its by the same director, Yoshiaki Kawajiri. But I know I wont be allowed to. I had to sneak watch Ninja Scroll at my friends house and her older brother had bought it and thats the only way I even got to see Ninja Scroll at 13.

Everyone talks about Sailor Moon but noone talks about Bubblegum Crisis 2032.

Why not? The Knight Sabers are cooler than the Sailor Scouts and Ill take a cool motorcyle riding ass kicking punk rock singer like Priscilla Asagiri over a whiny, annoying, immature Serena any day. I dont care that shes 14 like me. Shes freaking annoying and a crybaby.

I wonder what other anime are like 8 Man After. It was so hard-boiled and dystopian and futuristic.

What happens to 80s & 90s anime that arent streaming right now when VHS & DVD completely go away?

When laptops and videogame systems are discless?

Then what?

What happens when Crunchyroll, Netflix and Hulu dont want to pay to license some amazing anime that are hidden gems?

In 25 years, when very few VCRS and DVD players and video game systems and laptops that can play VHS tapes and discs are still in circulation and functioning, then what happens?

What their plan has been this whole time: we will only have access to watch what the streaming companies CHOOSE to pay the license for to stream.

We will lose everything else.

We'll lose Cybernetics Guardian, Genocyber, Twilight of the Dark Master, Robot Carnival, Vision of Escaflowne, Iria Zeiram, Armitage III, Saber Marionette J, Martian Successor Nadesico, 8 Man After, Lensman, Demon City Shinjuku, Fancy Lala, Tekknoman, Full Metal Panic...

Only the biggest hits, the most iconic series, the most controversial OVAs and movies will survive in the brand new streaming world devoid of any physical VHSs and DVDs.

Only the Akiras, Neon Genesis Evangelions, Urotsuki Dojis, Berserks, Gantzs, Sailor Moons, Dragon Ball Zs, Pokemons, Gundams, Bleaches, Narutos and Spirited Aways will survive to be streamed.

What about the Serial Experiments Lain?

What about the Nausicaa of the Valley Winds?

What about the Angel Sanctuarys?

What about the Please Save My Earths?

What about the Here is Greenwoods?

Will they be lost forever?

[kaleidosouls]

SU reclaimed pearl rambles

im gonna use some annoying comments i got on my reclaimed pearl as a springboard for what i think could be interesting discussion because i think its good to engage with criticism/different opinions. but also if you talk to me like an asshole i want you to fuck off and i promised i wouldnt engage in that kind of stuff bc its not good for me and it doesnt Look good for me either.

so i can talk about my thoughts but not engage directly, win win. its been months but im still really fond of the pearl i made specially this art. like it coudl be better but i like it well enough. just a little header so this isnt a boring post with only text

i think like, its good to establish ground rules that like, i think most of the poor reactions ive seen towards my art were missing, mostly in bad faith probably but in case theres ppl who earnestly want to understand. actually maybe i can format it like a little FAQ even though theyre not frequent or asked lskdjg just for outlining my points. ill put it behind a cut but ill frontline w this: if youre a fan of pearl in the show, this content is not for you. youre allowed to like whatever you want and so am i. if you like her, we probably wont get along and you probably will feel very personally irritated by how i FEEL about her, so just walk away now. im not gonna engage with petty shit taht juts boils down to 'im mad you dont like what i like'

onwards to more rambling / sorta responding to some criticism

i scrolled back and i guess i sorta never have actually done a proper full explanation post about this AU have i? or maybe i have and deleted it, i forgor

why did you change pearl?

because i hate her, simple as. i went from a huge SU fan to hating watching it (i did finish) and pearl is probably The biggest reason why, as like issues with her character seep into other aspects of the show that i also hate. like i mean i Realyl hate her. she makes the experience of watching the show really irritating and miserable for me. if you dont feel taht way about her thats totally normal and whatever but no one is gonna change my experience and feelings that i had watching SU since the 1st season was coming out.; anyway answering. there is a Lot i love about SU and want to engage with, so i had the idea of like,maybe ill just change pearl, cause i wanted to delete her, really, but she is one of the main characters and she hasa function as a character that you cant just do away with. essentially im just like, some guy, who draws, coping and trying to reclaim his teenage investimetn in this show. literally its just for ME. but if anyone else feels like i do, then they can enjoy it too. if somoene doesnt feel like i do, go watch like pearl fancams or smth. like ill never be able to literlaly change the show as it is, like its happened, and its a tragedy im trying to move on from (begrudgingly)

why do you hate pearl?

the long laundry list of reasons are probably apparent in the ways i remade her lol (theyre not i can tell ppl are gonna project whatever worst bad faith reason for any change i make) but tbh the core of it is this, which is like, beyond whatever traits she has and whatever: she reminds me of my abusers. always had, from season 1, but like it became worse as the series went on. its like really infurating and upsetting to watch SU bc of her. had my abusers been a different kind of person, maybe i wouldnt hate her so much (kinda doubt tbh). like her personality and behavior are like hough disgosting!!

why did you change (some physical trait about her design)?

i dont really necessarily have a PROBLEM with canon pearls design. over the years ive come to like SU's style less and less but like, gestures, whatever. like i didnt like it or anything but its not like a bit deal compared to the actual offender that is her personality and behavior. the reason i redesigned her at all is bc like, if i hadnt, i would still be thinking about the way she is in canon all the time. like ive visually associated her like, appearance with all the shit about her thta makes me upset so i had to so she didnt look like the same person anymore, and i can try to let go of some of the hatred in my heart. like i want to think about the thigns about SU that i loved and also the potential i always saw in it and canon pearl is like, an active obstacle to that, to the point taht i cant even see her without getting like irked. i tried to keep enough similar traits so from a glance youd be like, who the fuck- is that pearl? rather than like. completely change her entirely to whatever i wanted. i do want to like, its a creative exercise. i want to try and change the things that would make me happy to see gone but try to work within the constraints of the SU we Did get as much as i can tolerate. bc like.... if the sky was the limit then at this poin wed just have to throw the whole thing away and start from scratch. like its kinda not really very salvageable, like im not rewirting SU to be like a Good show or fix Everything, its kinda too broken. im just chnaging enough so i can look at the actual show, screenshots, songs etc, and not feel overcome wtih like the grief and irriatation of how much it sucked ass. its just so i can enjoy more of it again

i dont like your redesign for (insert reason)

cool. thanks for your input. youre welcome! eat my asshole. seriously though, like, shrugs. i didnt make it for anyone other than myself. tbh im not fully satisfied with it either bc i think the SU style is kinda ugly, so im at a crossroads. should i mostly abandon the SU style? ive like, tested out tweaking things, it mightve been noticeable in screenshot redraws. drawing within the SU style is to create that coping 'oh it was totally like this haha' vibe but maybe im old enough to not need that anymore lol. like ive heard ppl say shit like shes ugly, or like sneakily trying to imply im like, got some agenda over beauty or racism etc. like whatever, think whatever you want, its not for you. go back to sucking up to rebecca or smth like i cant take the og pearl away from you still i am open for like that kind of criticism like, do i have personal biases affecting my design decisions? probably. i do try to keep aware of why im choosing certain things, but really in this case i cant emphasize enough how like, irritating it is that i have to change her design at all. like its hard to come up w smth else when the rest of the cast ahs already been design to balance off the og pearl. i probably wouldnt change almost anything if the sight of her didnt piss me the fuck off! most of all i kinda wouldve preferred to keep her hair short bc it messes up the sillouete but it makes me think too much of canon pearl so i made it long :/ i was like let me tell you my design thought process: -im gonna try to keep as many recognizable traits about her design while taking away bit by bit until she doesnt look like the og pearl to me anymore and i dont feel angry seeing her. pearl is lanky, tall, spindly, with a gem on the forehead, blue white pink yellow pastel colors, large pointed nose. i kinda tried to keep these traits while slightly tweaking their design until she looked different enough. is it a good design? eh idk. like the purpose is to make me not hate her and it does that job

now this hate comment im gonna grace with keeping it intact except removing the person bc its not about them. its like, a very stupid ass headed comment but im actually kind of interested in like,jumping off of it to ponder some things

im not heterosexual or cis enough to know what exactly wife bate means in this context so im gonna like guess, that maybe i could extract this q from that reply (also not looking like shes from steven universe is a compliment thanks)

you took away her personality and made her boring

the only thing i can assume is that like, some people must interpret the absence of an assholey personality or like abusive behavior is 'boring'. i know thats a really bad faith assumption but like, if ive written down a bunch of personality traits and you still come out saying thats 'no personality' what am i to make of that lol. based on my experience like Existing online, people tend to often call nice characters 'boring', like dude ive done it before, but i think im kinda over that edgy phase. also again, its for me and not for you so if you think shes boring, thanks for your input i dont care. but thinkign about it earnestly, i dfeintely dont want to make a character thats just no flaw and not interesting ofc, i havent done that with reclaimed pearl. that being said i havent like, probably written a lot demonstrating what i want her to be like instead of the canon pearl so, maybe ppl just are feeling lost with the lack of information.

personally, if i hear someone thinks a character is boring bc theyre not abusive anymore like, nothing of value has been lost. but characters do need flaws in order to create conflict and cause things to happen, like in a way canon pearl is like All flaw, which wouldnt be a problem except she gets away wtih all the horrible shit she did. heres some traits i want to explore with reclaimed pearl, some are similar to canon i just wanna go about it a different way: being overprotective/possessive to steven in a smothering way, projecting abandonment issues, not reaching out/communicating her emotions properly, lacking indepedence/self worth, depending on others to avoid confronting her own issues, being very passive and insecure and lacking initiative (this being the totally opposite trait that canon pearl has), stunting stevens development due to her not being ready for him to grow up and not need her anymore. and more, this is just from the top of my head. maybe thats still too 'boring' for ppl because shes not being selfish and inconsiderate enough to others so you can relate to her but i dont care :p

gosh how do i go about like, presenting the content i ahve in my head for this AU).. i cantjust remake the whole damn show. i would if i could, tbh

i have concerns about racist implications wrt (insert thing here about my redesign)

imma be frank. i dont know how to compltely 'clean up' any possible bad associations wrt pearl as a character given how like, rebecca has literally like, made her to be a slave in love with her slave owner and made it to be like, an uwu ideal lesbiab thing for most of the show until they tried to pretend no we understood the flaws in this dynamic all along and its bad actually , uhh, anyway shows over haha

ill say the main reason i changed her skintone is, bc that would be the like most instant way to make her look differnt from canon (which is vital for me for the reasons said above), and i did consider like, does this make the whole thing worse, or, ?? like, as they made it in the show, techincally All the gems are slaves to the diamonds, arent they? including all the very totally progressive poc based gems including and specially the ones who are made to be understood as black women. bruh like idk what to tell you this show is just fuckig bad sdlgkj like its just way too like, pervasive in my teen years forme to throw the baby w the bathwater entirely. and ill just straight up say it, like, im not a specialist on these topics nor do i hav ea position of authority to speak on about it. like the pearls read more clearly as slaves (very intentionally by the showrunners) bc they are meant to be subservient to gems Other than diamonds. and also bc they like fit in the stereotype of housemaid servant. like the rubies being made to just be forced to go and fight like they are slaves too, they have no rights and no like, authority to disobey or autonomy. but fsr like, slavery as in physical labor just doesnt immeidately set off ppls alarms as much as housework slavery does fsr.

i can only rly like change the canon so much and try to like, tweak things so it doesn feel as gross but i think for it to be cmpletely not insneistive at all youd have to throw away the whole show. and like i said, this isnt like me saying like im making the show good or as it shouldve been, im making it so I (and ppl who share my feelings about the show) can feel less shitty just thinking back to it. its just an exercise. im not like mass media im just one independent artist and shit will come out insensitve sometimes and im sorry but im also like, my art isnt meant to be representative and like, responsiuble for fixing all of society and racism like i actually cant do that. ill just do the best i can as an asian dude but like, if my work makes you upset, im sorry, but also just block me. like i cant please everyone. or like, even better, make YOUR take on pearl taht you feel would be better, like make the art you feel should exist.

this post is too damn long and id be surprised if anyone reads all of it but if you do, tahnk you! i felt kinda like ready to fight tonight so im triyng to redirect it from aggression to like, thinking. i cant guarantee im making new content for su reclaimed anytime soon but i would really like to, tbh

[no-shxme]

since ive had people asking about it, here's

an overview of my writing process:

its very long (but split into 4 sections) so i will be posting it below the read-more. i fr threw up all over the post and it covers my writing process specifically. because i write unreliable narration >> canonic characters, etc this will prolly not be as useful for like, idk, crack fic writers or whatever else. basically this is what works for me. it might not work for you, but feel free to peruse, im sure no 2 writer's processes are exactly the same. (AND THATS COOL)

Step 1: The Idea & Start

usually my fic starts with a single scene/mood/line, and the whole fic is started around that. (for ex: my fic Teeth started bc of 1 set of lines that we haven't even gotten to yet. [sob]) this also helps me be more motivated, as i become pretty desperate to get that scene/mood/etc written. (as i write i often find new goalposts to write to, which helps keep me motivated, yeah)

occasionally i will write out an initial drabble (like 1 or 2 paragraphs) set in the story idea i have, just to see if i like whatever's going on before i commit.

before i start i decide my setting or at least whatever parts of the setting are relevant. (i wont go into it here bc that's not exactly process.) then i'm game to start.

i've heard a lot of writers struggle with starting a fic and ending it. starting a fic isn't usually a problem for me but if i don't like how the beginning is looking it's usually because i've started it too far away from relevant plot. i don't want to write too much beginning set up, so my solution is always to delete what i have and restart the scene closer to when something happens.

(for ex: when writing everything that went wrong over the summer, the story started earlier and was going to have kayn discover rhaast at the end of the first chapter. but halfway through i decided it was bad. i didnt want to reveal too much and it was kinda boring, became a slog of wordlbuilding. i hated it so i deleted it and instead we meet rhaast in literally the second paragraph.)

imo if you are having trouble with starting stories, literally just throw yourself into the action, its the best way to jog a stuck start. move up the timeline, make things move faster. ask yourself if you really need all the space before the action happens. this method also be used on other scenes, not just beginnings.

it's generally a good idea to figure out what the minimum amount of time you need to complete your story. (this plot that takes place over three weeks, can it be done in three days instead?) but i dont always do that for fanfiction, more my personal writing. fanfiction can be loose and slimy, thats okay. i'm not gonna stress myself over it like i do with my book lol. for me fanfiction is like a vacation. since the characters are already established i can be free to experiment stylistically and try new things.

Step 2: The Writing (The Slog)

(The longest section of this post)

I actually have SO many notes for my writing process so this will be all over the place.

Whenever I write ANYTHING my goals are the following:

keep things concise, without crazy exposition or information overloads.

to me writing is kinda like a puzzle, or a combination lock. i have a line or thought and i just continuously swap words around in my head or on a doc until something clicks. my goal is not just something that fits, it's something that fits BEST. (i am not always successful at this.) so yeah sometimes a line sounds good, but how do i make it sound BETTER. i am always thinking about lines. all the time. i am always turning a scene in my head trying to find the best angle. im literally doing it right now.

this is a stylistic choice that might not apply to everyone, but i love writing unreliable narrators and therefore always write them. in fanfiction i like trying to keep the characters close to their canon personalities, so a lot of the following advice is through that lens.

WHEN IT COMES TO PLOT:

by the time i write my first scene i usually have an idea of the ending. i'm not too terribly focused on it but i definitely prefer to know it. its just something i have to reach eventually. usually little plot ideas will start sprouting up like checkpoints between the start and the end, and then it's just the matter of figuring out how to bridge the gaps between them. one of my favorite tricks i like to use for longer or difficult plots is work backwards. (i call it Keyframing)

(for ex: let's say i'm writing a story about a knight who marries a dragon, but i can't figure out how the hell that's gonna happen. an easy way to come up with ideas is think: what's 1 thing that has to happen between the start goal (there's a knight) and the ending (married to a dragon)? it could be something simple. the knight has to get to the dragon's lair before he can get married. okay, great, there's another plot checkpoint. now what's 1 thing that has to happen between the start and getting to the lair? and also what's 1 thing that has to happen between getting to the lair and getting married?

as you keep adding 1 thing to the plot between points, it basically writes itself, or gives you a very good list of things that HAVE to happen in order to progress the story. then you can add embellishments and tweak it, but its a good method i use for avoiding over-complicated plot. periodically i also ask myself: can this be simplified further?

in cases where i don't have an ending in mind (about 35% of the time) i let my characters drive the plot. this is very easy because i write unreliable, character focused narration. all i think is: ok what're they gonna do. how would they do xyz. hows this affect them. i'll also think about my end goal for the character as it slowly develops and ask myself if it's realistic for them. i don't write crack so if it's something a character won't do then i just won't write it. i'll figure out some other goal or method to achieve the same effect, even if the scrapped idea is cute. :C the end result is usually a more convincing character. (once again this is literally just how i write ff. you DONT have to write like this) in many cases the goal is fine but the method isn't, so i have to rethink how the character realistically reaches that goal. (this was very much the case in my fic, One Promise)

WHEN IT COMES TO WRITER'S BLOCK:

here's my methods for getting over writer's block in no particular order:

taking a break. (or a nap)

reading poetry (this helps bc i try to write poetic) or just read, if im in a pickle.

changing location. (if you write on your phone/laptop. just go somewhere else)

delete the scene and restart from a diff angle. (not advised tbh. i dont think this is a good method, even if it works for me. im only listing it bc its something i do.)

to a lesser degree: changing the font, listening to music i would never listen to normally. or not listening to music at all.

walking around in circles talking to myself about whatever line im chewing on. :/

Okay now im just gonna list a mixed bag of shit that pertains to my literal writing process:

i use google docs because i like to write on my phone and my tablet. i will write in bed before sleeping or in the car. ill write wherever. occasionally i will also use scrivener on my pc for writing assistance. or ms paint. (dont make me go into it)

i almost always try to write what the CHARACTER sees or experiences, versus what a narrator would see. (for example, in my fic Teeth, sett's ears are mentioned a lot. it's because talon keeps noticing them.) this is super important in my writing as it also serves meaning and makes things more concise. oh a character is an artist? so they might notice the technique in a painting. versus the same painting viewed by a carpenter, who might focus more on describing the picture frame. i have specific thoughts on (confident) character voice/unreliable narration, but this post is long lol. if anyone wants to hear it lemme know.

for the most part i only try to describe what's necessary. im not trying to introduce too many characters BY NAME or too many places or too much detailed description-dumping, unless im trying to hide something. ESPECIALLY IN FAN FICTION. one thing i keep in mind is that the reader will fill in the gap. like i could write 'a kitchen with green walls and one window' and boom you already have an idea of what the kitchen could look like. i could write a character using a stove and different readers might imagine that stove in two different places, as pertaining to their imaginary kitchen. that's fine. as long as the location of the stove is unimportant then i dont need to describe it. basically if it's not Vital to my vision then i often don't bother writing it. (this also allows me to push themes and sneak things, but this post is too long)

often while i write im thinking ahead, so ill start noting future lines/plot ideas to use at the bottom of the document so i dont forget them. if it's a long fic my lines-to-be-used will be like, pages long lol.

JUST WRITE. I JUST WRITE. sometimes its slop, that okay. i try to write every single day.

whenever i return to a wip i reread it to get in the Groove.

as i write i sometimes make comments (in google docs) on some words that i know are placeholders. like i'll write a sentence and think: i need to change that word, but im too in the flow to do that now, so i just make a quick note so i dont miss it when editing. i have shorthand for it too, like for example, WC stands for 'word choice' and REP stands for 'too much repetition.' sometimes im lazy and dont do this ._.

speaking of repetition, one of my lil tricks is to start a list of repetitive words as i write. i will often throw in the names of characters, and some common pitfall words for me (words that i have a tendency to use too often). this is helpful for....

Step 3: The Editing

okay first i take a break. the length often depends on how long the fic is. if its a shortie then i just play a game or 2 of league or smth. i must banish the story from my brain.

when i come back i give it a read over and edit whatever issues i see, reword, blah blah. i also use Ctrl + F with my list of repetitive words! this way i can clearly see problem areas where i've used the same word too close together. i will also Ctrl + F grammar missteps, namely double spaces, double periods, and double commas.

for word choice ideas i use wordhippo :3c sometimes i recognize that a line needs to cook so ill come back to it.

i also do character checks where needed. (Would they REALLY do that?) at this point i can identify a problem area pretty easily so i dont do it that much anymore.

then as my final editing step i read the whole thing aloud. this step is so important that i never skip it, even on long ass docs. reading it aloud to myself is vital. when i read it aloud i can actually test the dialogue and see cadence issues and random mistakes that i never catch anywhere else. for longer stories this is done chapter by chapter as finished, which is,,, thank god lol.

if im unsure about a story then i'll let it ferment for a while (days, weeks) before i come back and edit, just to make sure im not crazy or smth.

Step 4: The Posting

i post in ao3's rich text format, so it keeps some of the formatting. then i hit PREVIEW and then i hit EDIT again. bc ao3 is finicky about italics and will add weird ugly spaces bc of that. so to get rid of them i use my CTRL + F method again to check for space + periods (literally a space then a period), space + commas, double spaces (again), etc. i also center those *** things that people use as scene breaks bc they're never centered. takes like 5 minutes.

then i post and try not to feel immediately awful lol.

anyway that's my writing process. this ended up super fucking long holy shit. sorry i like, rambled and blabbed. i try to be thorough. there's a lot more that i can talk about not pertaining to the process itself but like, yeahhhh. thanks if you read all this, hopefully its not terribly boring.

[little-nugget-writes-stufff]

YEYEYEYEYE FINALY I MANAGED TO SNATCH AN IDEA FROM MY BRAIN AND TYPE IT OUT >:D

Characters: Scaramouche <3

Warnings: Swearing, mentions of reader being high? (Reader is NOT tho)

Summary: Your scara's lover before he had the electro gnosis in his hands(id say a year or sum) you kept waiting but then he deletes himself from existence yet you remember him.

He left you to go after the thing he was made for. And he did it! However now he was on the run from the fatui. He enteren godhood, just like he wanted but that got quickly taken from him. Without thinking about the one thing he still had left he deleted himself out of existence.

When the realisation hit that you wont remember him when he'd finaly come home even brought tears in his eyes. Pfft pesky human emotions.

What he didnt know however was you werent from this world at all (I think the traveler remembers him bc the traveler is not from around here) so you kept waiting for your love to come home. When you tried speaking to your friends about him, you realized what haf happened.

"I wonder when my darling finaly comes home"

Y/n, you dont have a lover? Or did you just not tell me?

What do you mean??? I told you about him plenty of times?? Everyday even!

Y/n you high or sum?

*offended* OFCOURSE I AM NOT!!!

However your friends did not stay to listen to your "imaginary boyfriend".

The silence was making you crazy. The house was so silent, and now you also had no one to talk to. So you said fck it. And there your journey of finding your beloved.

You first went through Inazuma, then liyue, and finaly you got to sumeru. You were honestly giving up all hopes on finding him, yet what did you have to lose? You weren’t in homeworld and it was not that there was anyone to go back to.

But it seems fortuna was on your side. You jokingly went to the library to try finding a book to get back "home". Suddenly you bump into something. You quickly apologize and look up.

But at that moment you droppen everything you were holding, tears finding their way into your eyes. You couldnt get anything out of your mouth. He was alive! And blue? You wanted to hug him and tell him how glad you were you found him. But by the look in his eyes it didnt look like such a great plan.

After a minute of looking at eachother you finaly mustered up the courage to speak. "Scaramouche? Is that you?". Your voice sounded so weak that it even scared you. Tears now flowing over your cheeks.

He could only look at you, dumbfounded. You remembered him. He wiped away the tears with his hand.

"Hi y/n, missed me?"

You imidiatly pulled him into a tight hug.

At the moment, nothing else mattered. You finaly had your lover back and you weren't planning on letting go anytime soon.

The end~

Kinda rushed tho

It still seems good so :)

[haovcrse-a]

ONE . DONT GET SOAKED!

you happened to be stuck in an unfortunate situation. since thats all you seemed to be getting into lately… It had started pooring raining and of course you didnt bring an umbrella with you.

Instead of moping waiting for it to go away, you started right through, immediately getting drenched in rain. Your clothes stuck to your body, you didn’t even bring a rain coat..

you stared hatefully to the clouds, you didn’t even hate the rain. you just would’ve rather not get wet on a walk home.

“Zhao?” a familiar voice called, and you can immediately feel yourself grow embarrassed.

“Thoma..”

“What are you doing,” he starts, immediately covering you from the rain with his own umbrella. Of course hes prepared as always. “Come on, get under… Your drenched…”

“Yeah, happens.” you start, covering yourself in a shiver and immediately you feel him move next to you. “Huh?”

In a matter of seconds you feel an added wait on your skin. “come on, put it on.”

“What?!”

“My jacket, put it on. Your clothes are soaked! surely that cant be warm.” he says, so purely.”

“What no, I can’t take your jacket-“

“I insist. I’d rather lose a jacket then see my favorite person cold.”

You feel your head spin, overwhelmed, “Favorite-? Thoma you can’t do this, this is so unfair.”

“Huh?” he sputters confused (he looks like a kicked puppy.. suddenly you feel regretful..) “What did I do wrong?”

“You didnt do anything wrong just- dont say those things out of nowhere…”

he laughs softly, and you cover your face within his jacket collar. his jacket sure is warm… (or are you sure its not just the fact your shy?)

TWO . WHY ARE YOU HERE?

When being asked to tutor for extra credits, Ayato was most certainly not expecting you, to be the one hes tutoring. Or if it would ever be you needing to be tutored in general!

Immediately he pulls out his phone as you approach (begrudgingly it seems, you do not look to pleased) and text Thoma.

”So you’re in need of tutoring?” Ayato goes, and too which you look personally grudged. His shock seemed to be translated into a condescending tone… oops…

“I’m not dumb.”

“as you say.” He starts, watching as you sit down and pull out the textbook.

“Never thought you were the one I’d be tutoring, if so I wouldn’t take the extra credit.”

“I don’t want to be here.”

“Frankly neither do I.” he returns with a hum. He would be able to get through it, as he usually does. And to be honest the idea of… spending some time with you isn’t the worst outcome.. although through tutoring? he’s worried he’d be distracted halfway through, your not exactly ugly. Quite stunning actually.. ugh, his feeling have been everywhere lately… more specifically his feelings on you…

“so what should we start wi-“ he pauses mid sentence… when he got back into the moment you were already scrolling through the textbook, in search of a specific page. Have some respect for him taking his time to do this… Don’t completely ignore him..!

“I’ll ask for your help when I need it.”

“Will you, though?”

“…”

Ayato sighs

Ayato looks back up at you as you continued your search through the text book. cute? hm… his gaze burns an uncomfortable hole through you, which you try to ignore. in turn his gaze goes down to the study guide of yours.

“Chapter 5, page 201.”

you stop slowly, going to the page (and unfortunately he had the exact one..) keeping you gaze averted, so silently Ayato almost thinks he imagines it you whisper out something that sounds like a “thank you.”

Ayato doesn’t say much for the rest of the session, only adding in some advice every so while to throw you off.

He gazes back down at the text and thinks to himself, in the corner of his brain. maybe i can understand, just a bit…

(not proofread. TUMBLR DELETED MY FIRST DRAFT I WAS SO PISSED OFF… sorry if this is bad 😔 i kept you waiting long enough, also ignore the message times 😭😭😭 i forgot to change it…)

GUH GUH GUH GUH SCREAMED AND CRIED AND SOBBED FKDJHGKLJFG THE DM BIT BETWEEN THOMA AND AYATO HAS ME IN SHAMBLES DKJGLHL

[x1s7z8]

im just gonna yap

idk if anyone will read this, and ill probably delete it later fr

i like a gay (cis) guy; i am a gay (trans) guy

he doesnt know im trans, and i know he doesnt like me, but we’re friends, and now someone else is in his life and they mutually like each other.

its very complicated. i think part of me hates him, while another part desperately loves him. he has a lot of flaws, and so do i. i know a relationship would never work with him. he tends to imitate me..? or, kind of copy things i say i do. i dont know if its intentional, and i dont plan on asking him about it. we used to argue a lot, and we still kind of do, despite me trying to avoid it more now. i think i resent him.

doesnt sound too bright, i know. we have been friends for a little over a year now. we met on a friend finding app, and then we formed a group chat where we would talk with my two other friends. he lives about two to three hours away. he didnt really have any friends when we met since he had just recently moved to a neighbouring city from Vancouver. i dont know when i started to like him. “oh you like someone you haven’t even met yet?” unfortunately, yeah. that wasnt the plan. you cant blame me for liking personality over appearance. it sounds ridiculous. i know. it really does.

i was simply looking for people who were interested in the same topic i was - typology. i had recently gotten into cognitive functions and psychology, and i wanted people to discuss and share my ideas with. thats what we were for a month. then we just became friends. always talking and playing games. always debating. i usually won, not to brag, but thats something to keep in mind when i get to how he behaves in the present.

i wasnt healthy then. im not exactly healthy now, but i was worse then. more insecure, argumentative, defensive. i was more judgmental. i hated being trans, and i hated being gay and trans at the same time. im still touchy about it, but i think im more comfortable now. they didnt know. one of them still doesnt know im gay. none of them know im trans. ive contemplated telling them, but theyve asked me before, and ive said no. itd be awkward to finally tell them, even if they suspect it.

for some reason, after a month or two, hed always flirt jokingly at me. you know, how some people are with friends. its funny. maybe thats why i started liking him, who knows. i sure dont. i always knew he was bi/gay because he told us from the start. id flirt back in a joking manner as to not be weird. i never really realized it, but he only did it with me.

i eventually told him i was gay, and that i didnt want him to tell anyone, since i had already told them i was straight and i had heard some iffy jokes. he said it was fine and asked me my type. i told him. then he told me his. i wasnt his type, but he was mine.

a few months later, i told him i liked him. i told him, “even when i was being mean i liked you”. thats not all i said but yk. i had wanted to tell him for a while. he told me “im a fan of friends to lovers”. i found that funny. he asked if i still liked him, and i said “maybe a little”. he said i hurt his feelings, but in a joking manner.

we then played a game we really liked, and he called us love birds. i knew we weren’t going to date or anything, but it felt really nice. at least for a night i could like him without feeling ashamed about it. i still held some resentment but it felt good letting it go away for a night. then everything went back to normal a week or a little over a week later. we debated more. played games. maybe argued some as a group.

then a couple months later we had a big argument. went silent for a few weeks, made up. then a month later the same thing happened, and we made up again. then another few months later we argued, and he was contemplating on getting rid of us. the group.

i was hearing this in the middle of class, after waiting a week or three for him to answer my message. i didnt know why it was so heartbreaking to hear. i didnt know why it hurt, since i resented him. i was sitting in class, staring out the window, and wondering why i wanted to beg him to stay. why i was so upset, and why i missed him so much. i knew why, but i didnt.

we make up again. all is well. then another argument two more months later. this time, it was me contemplating leaving. except i didnt contemplate it. i did it. i got rid of them. on nearly everything. i had issues, and they were ruining my friendships.

i was fine the first week. fine the second. then i started missing him again. why?? after all that, did i still miss him? why was i attached to this guy??? why did i want to tell him how much i missed him and im sorry? well, i did. it didnt really matter why, just that i did. and so i told him on the game we used to love to play so much.

he eventually found the message. he talked to me. i was anxious to even check what he said. then we made up again.

a month goes by. im sure hes already forgotten what i had told him. that i liked him. it was fine though. i was content that we could be friends. he became more argumentative though. im sure it was just the stress, but he got unhealthy. he still is. i think i had become healthier before the last two big arguments. the break from him seemed to make me healthier. i didnt really care though. he had made new friends many many months before now. we were happy for him. i had been giving him as much advice as i could. i wanted to meet his friends but he kept saying no. that was fine. i didnt pressure him.

he eventually told me and my friend that someone liked him. someone who was his type. someone who lived close to him. that they had kissed and talked about dating when hes less stressed. i told him i was happy for him. i told him i hope things go well. i told him to do what felt right. why would i ever say anything different? i mean, hes a gay amab guy. he just got told someone his type likes him, and theyre another amab guy.

i had known there was no chance for me from the start. hes gay. he wants someone who has the body of a dude. i dont have one. im not going to put pressure on him. if i had ever asked him out i would have to mention im trans, and i know hes not attracted to that. its fine. he doesnt need to be. even if i wasnt trans, there were all the other issues we had. the arguments. the resentment we both had. the odd “copy-cat” thing he has going on w me that i havent even talked about yet.

despite knowing it would never work, despite knowing he wouldnt want me, and that he doesnt like me, it was still heartbreaking. you know? its one thing liking someone while theyre single and your friend, but its another to like them while they get into a relationship. i dont know. i felt sick and anxious. a deep pit feeling in my abdomen. i love him and i hate him, and it hurts seeing him love someone else.

he used to hangout with us so much. hed play games every night, we’d watch movies, we’d have long early morning conversations. he mentioned that, since i struggle waking up in the morning, if we ever lived together for university, he’d wake me up and drag my lazy a*s out of bed. i don’t think he remembers that, but i do. now he only hangs out with his new friends. every night. when we finally get time with him, its cut short because hes hanging out with his friends. i found out yesterday hes even hanging out with them while he hangs out with us.

maybe im being selfish, like he says. maybe i wasnt clear enough when i told him i liked him. maybe hes just forgotten. or maybe he just doesnt care. i dont expect him to care. its okay. i dont blame him. i know. i just wanted to whine somewhere other than my writing app.

i wish his jokes werent jokes. i was still kinda hoping that when we got to the same university, maybe things would have been different.

anyhow. big yap. i like this song

[rayneyar]

Hi! So for the fanart awards, i was wondering what the process was for selecting the art? Cause I know i submitted art to the form, but I see that almost none of it got nominated, but one of my pieces that had to have been submitted to the form was nominated. It also seems like there are the same 3-5 artist in almost all of the categories. They obviously deserve to be there, but i think so many other artist also deserve to be there that i know had multiple works submitted but weren't nominated even once. Also here on tumblr, I am the only person that used the tag to submit art but it wasn't nominated. Im not trying to accuse you of anything!!! Im just curious what the selection process for the nominations was.

I went to go check the form and realized that the art didnt go through. I did put it tho, but for some reason it deleted? I dont know. It was one of the first things I did actually, and I don’t know why the form google thing would do that. I think it might’ve been because I put the form nominations first and maybe didn’t save it right which is why it deleted? Or something like that. I want to apologize deeply for that. I’m very sorry that happened. But besides the form, I took most of the hashtags from twitter. Although, i dont know if it’s just me, every time I search the hashtag on tumblr, it doesn’t seem to show anything. So what I then tried was checking for it through everyone who liked the post and it still showed me nothing. I thought that it was probably an issue and then I searched it up again to find the same result. I assumed that no one on the app had used the hashtag since I know only like 30? people liked the post. I don’t think I’m much of a big account, that’s why I thought that. And obviously I wasn’t going to put my own favorites, that would be unfair. So maybe that is why most of the art on this app didn’t go through. And once again, I am really, really sorry that happened and would like to make it up in the future. I have an idea of how to make it up for the final results but of course nothing will make up for this mistake. I should’ve reread everything before finishing it.

[the1975attheirverybest]

I don't why but this whole thing is stressing me out a bit. Like, I don't want to be one of those extremely parasocial people who gets upset when a celebrity they like starts dating someone, that's just ridiculous. But I also think I'm worried about his reputation. The drama a couple months back really got to me, I had to delete tik tok twice, and I can't see it get any better if he's dating Taylor publicly. I just don't know. I'm confused. I don't want to feel upset about it. I know it's not healthy, but I do.

Babbbbyyy 💗 it’s OKAYYY!!!

Deep breaths, yeah?

Wanna know what I think? Well you didnt ask but I’m gonna tell you anyway, lol. I think you can’t control how you feel. Matty’s favorite example is “Somebody Else” like how you feel “sexual ownership over your ex” and get called a “misogynist” or a “crazy bitch.” And he has a good point. We can’t control our feelings so to make moral judgements about them is counterproductive, and frankly narrow-minded and stupid. That’s why I reject the whole idea of “parasocial relationships” having s negative connotation. We don’t control or actively choose how to feel. We don’t sit there and think “today I’m gonna choose for the 1975 to be my fav band.” Or “today I’m gonna fall out of love with my toxic ex” or “today I’m gonna really love broccoli.”

Therefore, to call an emotion bad or wrong is…BAD AND WRONG!

I know how you feel. I absolutely refuse to look at any TikTok’s or anything cuz I know what they will say about him and I can’t stand hearing his name being brought up like this. So I’m just watching cat videos lmao. Scrolling past anything Matty and Taylor related.

Worrying about him is totally fine and justified. Rational even. Cuz….well, we all know what trouble he gets up to on a regular basis hahaha. He’ll be alright though. Whether this thing lasts forever or ends. He’s got the fans and the boys and that’s all that matters. His career is going to be okay as long as he keeps making the kind of music that he does. Everything else is just fodder. I promise. I’ve seen it happen before. Don’t you worry. It feels all consuming and exhausting right now, I know. But Matty will be Matty, and everything is going to be fine regardless of the outcome.

[kh4]

why are you on a twitter byf?

hi, youre actually not the first person to tell me this tonight! i Also have no idea why im on a blacklist. i want to clear some stuff up because i was told this three (3) times. i dont exactly like that i have to reply to this publicly because i dont even make personal posts but i think this whole thing is out of hand and has been for a while.

im putting this under a Read More because its long and im finally able to air out some of my feelings about the situation.

TLDR: devin has lurked and kept tabs on me for three years and its exhausting that i have to address it like this of all places. if you need proof or anything feel free to dm me.

this is soooo. okay so i met this person in 2019 from the best of my memory because ive been trying for about an hour to get onto my old blog but i cant remember the login at all, and she and i had done a few dms just about whatever. and then she wanted to make these two kin doubles who hated each other or something be friends again, please note we all shared the same kin, and stirred up some problems.

then, after this happened, her host (or she did? regardless she admitted that she was involved in the creation) had made a callout blog for one of them despite my attempt to steer this off from happening, and i was ignored. i think my last message to her directly, and im not kidding here, was in jan 2020 (three full years ago!).

after this i made the choice, for myself, to soft her on tumblr. i no longer wanted anything to do with the situation, i think kin drama is stupid and im sure it was more personal than kin things from what she had told me, but i had no intention of being involved further. or know any of these people. like at all. after i softed her, she made a post about taking a hiatus after she deleted the callout blog and thats it from what i know about her tumblr because it was deleted soon after iirc.

8 months later she tried to follow my twitter, and i recognized her. i considered it a lottt, but i really didnt want that kind of energy stirring up things again in my life because 2020 was an absolute fucking Disaster of a year enough. so i softed her from my twitter because of this for my own mental health.i havent had a direct message with her since early 2020.

i know nothing about her, her life, anything because i wanted as much distance from that whole situation as possible. i didnt get to know her well enough with her to call her my friend or anything, and everything that happened so soon after we did start talking really made me not feel like i wanted to be friends or get to know her better if this was her vibe. she has made posts about missing me, when i feel as though i never warranted the title of friend at all because she basically just vented to me a couple times before this started and i didnt and still dont have the energy to deal with that kind of person.

i have found out, however, she has fucking LURKED me likely for three years. shes posted about how ensemble stars reminds her of an ex friend (which, she didnt get to know me enough to be my friend, and its pretty obvious this post is about me because my special interest is ensemble stars) and i got into it in mid 2020 so she shouldnt possibly know i ever got into it without lurking me. its some creepy shit ill be honest with you.

she knew and made posts about how my psychotic ass had delusions about being w/ilbur ds-p from nov 2021- mid 2022 because i like. Was in a horrible state and related to how self destructive he was or whatever but i got better and got my life together and dont do that at all anymore. i dropped it and i have most terms blacklisted (and the series itself) because it reminds me of those racist assholes and also of a horrible time in my life im still recovering from.

i have no fucking clue how this could affect her or she would even know. seeing as this was wayyyyy beyond the time i knew her. however this proves she was lurking me to myself and people who know me personally… we're all insanely confused. shes had no reason to keep up with anything about me for three years and im pretty much sick of it haha. ive been quietly freaking out over how scary shes been acting about me and whatever idealized version of what or who i was she had assumed during the very short time i knew her because i didnt want to start anything.

thank you for reading this. i hope this stops soon because i dont want to keep dealing with something thats happened 3 years ago and it happened because i didnt even want to be involved in things. its just unfair and makes me feel insanely uncomfortable im still a hot topic for her even though she hasnt messaged me or anything since following my twitter and being softed. it makes me feel weird and its just weird to me.

[m0e-ru]

art summaries from this year and the last !! 21-22 !!

and here's some more commentary for 2022 because i will be more annoying this year

January - not a lot happening. i was asking for art reqs and NO ONE had ideas

February - MOEL SEKIYU TUMBLR BRANCH TOHRU ADACHI BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION?

March - 3/20 YEAH WAHOOO YEAAAH

April - lots of messing around this month. my merch came in the mail though !!!

May - PXDN ERA but i answered the teddie in a dress ask from like. two months prior

June - * didnt post this anyway i was messing around with csp. i really like the marker

July - * DIDNT POST THIS EITHER but one idol's stage costume looked like sho colors. it was funny in the moment

August - * DIDNT FUCKING POST THIS EITHER I HAVE NO IDEA anyway i just think theyre very important

September - * HOW MANY BIG PIECES HAVE I NOT BEEN POSTING HERE WHAT THE FUCK WHERE DO I EVEN SHARE THEM ANYWAY MAKING THIS WAS REALLY SAD CHIZUSAN WAS RETIRING AND DELETED HER SOCIALS ohh right my mimbot

October - I was trying out watercolors (the brush) and MARIE HALLOWEEN 2022 !!!

November - pocky day :] except it's jagariko

December - new year's art !! ive been wanting to draw blorbo to sogabe's new year art from the manga so here it is !!! sorry for no christmas holiday art

and here’s the love letter ive been meaning to write all the way back in august. it’s a bit personal but also vague . I am speaking from a soapbox next to a quiet intersection and pouring my heart out

im happy to see how ive improved throughout the years, and in some aspects stayed completely the same apparently. ve been jumping around 1000 brushes and 10000 more art styles ive never stayed consistent because I wanted something new and all I had was myself ! so apparently it became whatever happened here.

It’s true I had a lot more steam last year when it came to pumping art out but I think im also glad I did less art this year in a way. I’ll admit a lot of last year was fueled by chasing people and a way to reach the top and get my voice heard I felt like I was fighting for my life but im not too sure how it looked like from the outside. It’s also been fueled by spite which made me incredibly tired and something im glad I stopped utilizing this year. That I learned my boundaries and maintained them as peacefully as I am now.

Sure im a lot more tired but I think the pace im taking is a bit better in it’s own way too. I really wish I could’ve done more this year but when I look at it from afar I guess im still chasing things, too. Maybe not something new and I never really aimed for fame or anything. Maybe I just wanted to keep what I already have?

2021 I’ll confess was also a pile of shit and I guess 2022 was the year of my digging it all away and I’m not done yet. But as long as there’s progress that’s good enough for me. I’m glad I’ve been able to do all these things than not do them at all. But sometimes I wish I could relearn the restraint I had from before.

I never wanted to put a dark stain on the things I love so as long as I ground myself and remind myself why im here I can see the light and remember why I love theses things. I’m speaking in a very vague manner and I am relating this to my time in fandom as cheesy as it sounds, but also personally, I guess.

Imagine it like im talking on a soapbox right now when I say im really glad for the time I’ve spent here—while all of it isn’t the best that could’ve happened and the fault of my own shortcomings—I still treasure it. I love all the people I’ve met and the community I’ve formed and I guess there’s this fear of losing things since I’m afraid I can’t get them back, that I haven’t learned how to even connect better anymore. I really dont want this to sound like someone died lol but I really am genuinely grateful for all the time ive spent with people and how they considered me their friend and how theyre my friend and how they just moved on to other things and im stuck in a box ive put myself in that makes it so hard to be heard I stopped talking anyway.

To those who met me this year, or last year, or the year before that, or knew me before this gas station, and still are here somehow: thank you. For your kindness, for your tags, for your asks, for your replies, for your messages, for your discords, for your writing, for your art and for everything you’ve offered me. I always mean my gratitude from the bottom of my heart and I want to stop being afraid that it doesn’t show.

If this year brings more “Mim” then so be it. I’m happy you find joy in the silly nickname and all the love behind it no matter how silly it is. And even if I drift away or we all drift apart, I treasure every memory and sometimes cry over it at night. I wish 2023 would be nice to all of us and the years after.

[memryse]

God damn anons will say anything on this godforsaken app but the truth like where on earth did they get the idea that flypaw made tadca from???

I feel so bad because at this point if something bad has literally anything to do with c!discduo people somehow always find a way to point fingers at flypaw even if fly didnt so much as touch it with a 10 foot pole

that literally happened the other day i think. the cycle of ctommy related discourse is such that it always ends in blaming fly for something they didn’t do, had no involvement in and don’t even know what it is half the time. like they already barely post anymore (and tend to delete a lot of the posts that they do make) because of the harassment they’ve been subjected to for all this time, and yet they still get blamed for everything remotely related to cdiscduo

[arsynnotarson]

I hope my asks aren't annoying or a hassle or anything. I just want to interact with you and give you attention and try to make you happy how I can. If you ever don't feel like responding to one of my asks, you can just ignore it/put it off for a while/delete it; I won't mind. I just hope some of them make you happy

awwh you're so sweet !! hello once again smiley !!

oh yes , i completely understand!! i know how it feels to be nervous about being a burden , especially to those you may not be deemed " friends " with , yet. rest assured that you aren't a bother to me.

in fact, when i first began this account, i was a little envious of others who had loyal anons, or anons at all. as time passed, i started to let go of that want and accepted that id have to just settle down , get comfortable , and let them come to me ; and thats exactly what happened !! truely enforced in me that some things you should just let happen, like when the matter comes to anyone being interested in you enough to ask questions unprompted.

so no , you arent bothering me at all !! hope the above paragraph didnt put pressure on you ,, haha

i love that you want to make me happy, i wholeheartedly adore that someone i dont even fully have an idea of wants to play a part in my joy. it really puts things into perspective , doesnt it? although dont wear yourself out on me either. id hate to hear that im now a chore to you ; i am to be a little less draining than that sometimes...

but im rambling. have a great day as always !! ·ᴗ·

[savannahsdeath]

'*•.¸♡ so much ♡¸.•*'

warnings: 18+!! smut with a VERY little foreplay. basically a drabble based on a hockey!ellie x puckbunny!reader req but im a fool and i accidentally deleted it.. this is v bad so dont say i didnt warn u !! i was kind of on verge of passing out (jist high) while writing and i shouldnt even post it but uhhhh...........

: ̗̀➛ you came to a hokey match, completely unprepared, as usually. your tight top and short skirt weren't really giving a 'sporty' vibe. you also had no idea what are the rules, even though you watched a lot of williams' matches. so, you couldn't miss this one.

: ̗̀➛ now, the game finished with an unexpected score - ellie's team lost. you waited in front of the changing rooms to at least cheer her them up. everyone slowly left, already moving on, chatting and laughing. everyone except her.

: ̗̀➛ after you saw she didn't come out, you knocked on the door and went in without waiting for any answer.

"hi, els." you closed the entrance behind you. "uh, well, it was just a little school match."

she looked up at you and scoffed. "exactly. a little school match, nothing serious, and we still couldn't handle it."

: ̗̀➛ you thought about anything you could say now to make this better, but before you came up with something, you heard her voice again.

"you know what's the worst part?" she continued while standing up and walking closer to you, her expression unclear. "it's all because of you- your cute, little outfit. you don't wear something like that for a match, y'know?"

you slightly chuckled after realising what she meant. that's weird way of complimenting your style but you played along. "well, i'm sorry. i thought you'll like it."

"i do like it." she cupped your chin in her hands. "but it should wait for a different occasion, yeah?"

: ̗̀➛ the way she said that made you feel like a child, but you obediently nodded, taking in as much comfort from her closeness as possible.

: ̗̀➛ before you could process everything happening, you were pinned against the wall of the changing room, with her body pressed against yours as kissed you. her lips touched yours in a way that sent shivers down your spine. you were surprised at her advances, but you didn't resist, too caught up in the moment.

: ̗̀➛ she didn't let go of you, exploring your mouth with her tongue for long seconds. you tried to keep up, feeling the pleasure growing inside you, but you eventually gave up and let her be the one in charge.

ellie leaned back slightly, her eyes still locked on yours.

"because, you see,"

with a sly chuckle, she reached behind you and started undoing your skirt.

"you look really pretty, too pretty."

you let out a slight gasp, a shiver running down your spine.

"i can't stand seeing you..."

ellie didn't rush, but instead took her time working at the buttons and zippers of your clothing.

"dressed like that."

you felt a rush of excitement that kept growing with every article of clothing she removed.

"i think it's your fault we lost."

while looking into your eyes, she traced your lips with the tip of her finger before softly kissing you again.

"i think i'd be able to change the score,"

she started leading you to an uncomfortable bench, which most definitely wasn't made for people to lie on.

"if only you didn't distract me,"

she smirked as her fingers traced a line on your body, starting from your lips, stopping near your collar bone or chest and finally arriving to your core.

"so."

her thumb started circling your clit, while her other fingers caressed your slit.

"fucking."

she felt how wet you are but it seemed unbelievable, so she looked down as if to make sure it's not a hallucination.

"much."

with that, two of her fingers slipped into your already throbbing cunt, earning a loud gasp which turned into a moan from you.

✧˖°