#sorry this is long. i needed to reply to this if nothing else tonight

[daveth-isnt-dead]

Restlessness

Summary:

She usually only lets Astarion feed on her while she is asleep. Not that she has any problem with Astarion, the case just is that him feeding from her while she is still conscious is profoundly intimate and she can’t really be sure if Astarion has noticed or even if he particularly cares, about how quickly her heart races when he does it. So while she is asleep is better, it's much better. But she can't get to sleep tonight, so she is just going to have to make do.

Contains: Fem Unnamed Tav, Explicit Sexual Content, Blood stuff (comes with the territory) Word Count: 5,143 Read on AO3

Astarion has been feeding on her almost every night for the past month now. Most nights while she is still asleep, though he is always surprisingly insistent about obtaining direct consent before she moves to her tent for the evening, by this point she has just assumed that the agreement is mutual and that there is little need for him to keep asking. Though she doesn't have it in her to be upset about the courtesy. 

She generally prefers that he drinks while she is sleeping, only knowing that it happened when she wakes up the next morning with a dull throb in her neck and Astarion giving her a knowing smirk from across the camp. 

Not that she has any problem with Astarion, the case just is that him feeding from her while she is still conscious is profoundly intimate and she can’t really be sure if Astarion has noticed or even if he particularly cares, about how quickly her heart races when he does it. So while she is asleep is better, it's much better. 

Being the vampire’s resident midnight snack does occasionally earn her some uncomfortable looks from other members of their little group. Especially after one of the few nights she had been awake for the ordeal and the feeling of his hand moving to her hip caused her body to jolt so intensely that Astarion accidentally tore her throat up with his fangs. Shadowheart dutifully healed it, but gave her a stare so oppressive that even a slight uptick of the half-elf’s judgemental eyebrow would surely have killed her on the spot. 

Astarion did apologize, but then quickly switched to insisting that she needed to let him know next time she decided to experiment with interpretive dance while he was firmly latched to her throat. 

That was the night they both agreed, it might be better if he only feeds while she is out cold. 

This night, however. Sleep will not come. She knows that it has been nearly a day and a half since Astarion has last eaten, any and all the fighting that took place today in the dark remains of Shar’s gauntlet were against foes severely lacking in the blood department, and tomorrow will likely be the same. To be honest, they were lucky at all, to find somewhere safe and quiet enough to camp in this miserable place. 

She rubs her eyes, still sitting upright in her tent despite all efforts to lull herself to sleep. She sighs heavily, tucking her knees up and wrapping her arms around them, usually a long day like this tires her out completely, and she is a very heavy sleeper, but today’s journey has left her so exhausted that even sleep evades her. 

The rustling of her tent flap nearly has her topping over with shock, hardly expecting any visitors after the terrible day they had all endured. The realization hits her when Astarion climbs in.

“Oh.” He says, freezing halfway into the tent, “Apologies, you are not usually so…well, conscious, at this time of night.” She had agreed to him feeding on her again this evening, assuming that she would be well asleep by now like usual. She sighs and gives him a wan smile, “Sorry, I can’t sleep.” “I suppose dinner is off the table then, isn't it?” He replies, wearing a smile that seems far tighter than his usual lazy smirk. 

“No!” She says quickly, “Gods no, there’s nothing else for you to eat down here and it’s been almost two days.” Astarion frowns, suddenly becoming very interested in his fingernails, “I can always go back to eating rats if I must, there is certainly no lack of them in this miserable place.” He tries to maintain a casual air, but there is venom behind those words. His voice does return to being playful when he says, “Or, should the situation become incredibly dire, I’m sure that our resident hero would let me have a bite if I asked very nicely.” For some reason, the thought of Astarion feeding on Wyll instead of her causes a thick cloud of jealousy to build behind her ribs. She ignores it, “Just come inside, we’ll figure something out.” she says, shuffling backward a little to give him more room, “And close the front of the tent, please.” 

When he turns back to her and takes a seat on the hard ground, she can’t help but notice just how etherial he looks in the soft orange glow of her lantern. Even on the nights when she does sleep, she prefers to keep the lantern on, both because the darkness makes her uneasy, and because (even though she knows he can see in the dark) it feels like common courtesy to leave a light on for Astarion. 

“So.” He says

“So…” she replies

Astarion sighs, “Look, darling. If you are simply too delicate for me to have my meal while you are awake, I’m sure that I can find a way to occupy myself for now.” He levels his gaze with her, “Something more entertaining than just staring at each other.”

She bristles, “I’m not delicate, I’m just-” she can’t finish the sentence. She’s just what? Too shy, embarrassed maybe, certainly nervous, “I’m fidgety.” she lies, “and I don’t want to cause another…incident.” He laughs, “Oh yes, not willing to suffer another of Shadowheart’s glares, are you?” “No.” She begins, averting her eyes as she feels her cheeks burning, “Not at present.”

“Then what do you suggest? Since you don’t seem to be planning on getting your beauty sleep anytime soon.” She chews on a knuckle, mulling it over. There’s no way she could handle him leaning over her like that again, his scent surrounding her, one of his hands cradling the back of her head as he finally sinks his teeth into the side of her- 

“It might be better, if i’m sitting upright.” She offers. Astarion blinks, “Upright?” “Maybe. I think.” 

It would at the very least, be far less intimate, more clinical. Astarion hums to himself, “As you know, i don’t have all that much experience in the matter, but i can hardly see how you would expect to stay upright and the last thing we need is you cracking your skull open on the ground.”

“Then I would just need something to lean against.” She says quickly, “I just think I would be far better at sitting still this way, that's all.”

“Well, I’m right here, darling.” He says, almost dismissively, upset that she wouldn’t consider it herself, “You could always lean against me.” 

Her eyes widen. That would defeat the purpose of this whole exercise, but she can’t very well tell him that. 

“As long as it wouldn’t make things more difficult for you.” She begins, choosing her words slowly and carefully, “I would at least be happy to try.” 

“Oh, don’t worry about that.” He says, leaning backward a little and letting his thighs fall open, “The last thing this could possibly be for me is difficult.” She stares down at him, eyes wide as she realizes that she has only managed to make this situation worse. 

“Oh….kay” She says, trying to swallow the lump in her throat. In the end she opts to face away from him, sitting cross legged between his legs and shimmying backward until she feels his chest pressed up against her back. She sucks a difficult breath in through her teeth and though he isn’t warm, he might as well be, the way she immediately breaks out in a nervous sweat. 

“Come come, my dear.” He says, his tone hushed as he carefully draws her hair away from her throat, “I’ve had plenty of time to practice being gentle all those nights you were asleep, no need to be so nervous.” She’s more than a little embarrassed at how instinctively she tilts her head to the side for him, almost beckoning him to bite down. It’s not that part that makes her nervous, not at all. It’s that she recalls a conversation, brief and quickly dismissed, that the two had by a campfire many nights ago. A mention of disgust, words spat like bile about the man who forced him to use himself night after night. A disgust of her own, when she remembered how many days she’d spend staring at him, nights under his body as he fed, wishing and wanting for him to touch her. 

She had been far too forward that night, prodding where she shouldn't. Astarion had just laughed, dismissed her concern and refused to elaborate. 

“I trust you.” She whispers when she feels the ghost of his breath on her neck.

Astarion tenses behind her, and she closes her eyes as he descends, waiting for the bite that never comes. His lips press against the side of her throat, softly, lightly, the way a lover might kiss. She gasps aloud, and quickly covers her mouth with a hand, trying to hide the sound. 

One of his hands wraps around hers, gently removing it from her mouth, “No.” he says, pressing another kiss to the cut of her jaw, “Let me hear you.” 

A whimper climbs its way up her throat when he wraps a possessive arm around her, his thumb gently brushing across the lower swell of her breast. She feels his teeth against her neck, not biting, gentle and tantalizing. 

This is what she had been afraid of, that she would encourage something like this and then lack the restraint to tell him no. Her head inclines backwards, resting on his shoulder and releasing a keening moan when he sucks on her pulsepoint. 

“Astarion-” she tries, breaking off into a moan when he slides his hand up and squeezes her breast in his palm. 

He chuckles against her throat, “I do so love hearing you say my name like that.” he croons into her ear, his hand sliding down the collar of her loose linen shirt to cup her breast directly, “Say it again for me, would you?”

“W-Wait, please” She forces out, trying to ignore the growing warmth between her thighs, and the cool press of his palm against her breast. 

At her words, Astarion freezes completely. She can barely even feel him breathing anymore. 

“Yes, of course.” He says quickly, too quickly, there’s something that sounds like panic in his voice, “I- well, I hope i didn’t misread the situation.” “No! That’s- that’s not what I meant, it’s just-” She reaches her hand up backwards until she finds his face, cupping his cheek in her palm, “Astarion…you don’t have to if-“ if you don’t want to, if it doesn’t mean anything, if it hurts too much, or Gods forbid if you think you owe me something. 

He stays still for long enough that she begins to worry she said something wrong, that she overstepped a boundary and he was just going to laugh dismissively again. Instead, he turns his head so he can lightly kiss the palm of her hand. 

“I know.” He breathes, and it somehow soothes all her worries at once, “I know I don’t have to, but I do want to.” She can almost hear his smile when he says, “That is, of course, provided that you don’t want me to stop.”

“Gods no…” she exhales, leaning back against him, “That’s the last thing I want.”

“Good.” He nearly moans, his hand jumping to the laces at the front of her shirt and quickly undoing them until it hangs wide open all the way down to her sternum. It surprises her a moment, how familiar he seems with undoing her clothes, but then she remembers each morning, waking up with a bite at the join between her shoulder and neck. A courtesy, so none of the others would see it, but he would only be able to reach that low by loosening her shirt. 

She feels herself growing warm at the thought, smirking when she asks, “You’ve undressed me before, have you?”

Astarion huffs, licking a stripe up the side of her neck, “Nothing more than was necessary to get at your shoulder, darling.” his cold hands grab both her breasts at once, and he groans, “I was trying to save you from any judgemental stares.” 

Her head lolls backward and she moves her hand to his hair, tangling her fingers in tight. His hands are cold against her bare skin, but she is already so warm all over that any reprieve from the heat is a welcome one. 

“Is this why you could never sit still while I was feeding on you?” Astarion breathes, one of his hands sliding down the front of her torso to rub over the front of her woolen breeches, “Because you couldn’t stop imaging this?” his hand slips beneath her breeches and into her smalls, “Gods…” he hisses through his teeth, “You’re so wet and I’ve barely even touched you.” 

“Don’t act so coy.” She replies, gasping aloud when his talented fingers dip inside her just enough that she is quivering in anticipation for more, and when his thumb reaches up to circle her clit, she whimpers desperately, “You have all the clarification you need right here.”

“Do I?” He asks slowly, fully removing his fingers from her cunt and resting his hand on her hip, “What if I want to hear you admit it?”

She whines, missing his touch already, “Please…” “No no no, you know what you have to do.” He murmurs, breath ghosting across her neck as he presses another kiss to her skin, “You did lie to me about it earlier, don’t I deserve to hear the truth from your delectable lips?” “F-Fine.” She mutters, shame dissolving into something far more sinful as she finally confesses what she is certain he already knew, “The real reason I asked you to only feed while I was asleep, was because I-” his free hand joins the other on her hips, slowly edging her breeches and smalls down over her thighs, “Because I didn’t think I could control myself.”

He laughs warmly against her skin, fingers just barely skirting around the thatch of hair at the apex of her thighs, “My my, with talk like that, you’d think that it is I who should be afraid of you.”

“Maybe you should.” She says, trying and failing to maintain a casual air even as his fingers slowly descend, “After all, who knows that I might- nhg!” “Hm? Sorry, what was that?” Astarion asks, two of his fingers now knuckle deep inside of her. 

“I’m h-hardly in a state to offer much witty banter, Astarion.” She stammers, barely even able to speak as his fingers start moving, slow and precise, like he is savoring it. 

“But I do so love when you try.” He smiles against her neck, a third finger easily wriggling in alongside the other two. She goes practically boneless against him, unable to keep her hips still as he curls his fingers upward just right and when his thumb teases another utterly devious circle around her clit she feels herself tightening around his fingers. Astarion groans, hiding his face in her shoulder and grinding himself against her lower back, “Hells, darling, you are perfect.”

One of her hands moves to his thigh, struggling to find purchase as she completely loses herself to the pleasure. If the full weight of her body essentially collapsed against him gives Astarion pause, he doesn’t show it, his fingers never falter. The pace he maintains is utterly languid, slow and warm and wet, fast enough that she wouldn’t call it teasing but like he wants to work for it, to enjoy the luxury of taking his time with her. 

She moans when his other hand returns to her breast, rubbing addictive circles around her nipple with his thumb. Everything starts to turn hazy at the edges, her body is twitching and desperate. 

“Gods…” She hisses through her teeth. Astarion chuckles against her throat, “Come now, darling. There’s only one god here.” she feels the light graze of his sharp teeth, “and he’d much prefer you call him by his name.” “Astarion…” she tries, “Please.” He exhales a shaky breath, but otherwise maintains his composure, “Please what, my sweet?”

She’s on the exhilarating precipice of her climax, barely even able to speak, her body feels so hot that Astarion’s hands nearly burn in their coolness and she can scarcely imagine a world where she doesnt have them pressed against her. Whimpering and mewling under his touch and so unsure of what it is she even wants until: “Bite me!” comes bursting out from her mouth.

Astarion chokes on a breath, and she feels the soft lick of her tongue over his pulsepoint, “Are you sure?” “Yes!” She hisses, practicaly fucking herself on his fingers now, “Gods yes.” She feels more than hears the rumble of his moan, “Do try to stay still.” he purrs, and then sinks his fangs into her throat. The immediate pain feels almost electric jumping from her throat, to her fingertips, to her toes, a quick sharp jolt that is near instantly replaced with a nauseating bliss. 

Her head lolls to the side, relishing in the feeling as he begins devouring her. The beat of her heart is loud in her ears, and the pump of his fingers is no longer so tender, with each movement his thumb brushes firmly against her clit and her whole body tenses. He curls his fingers upward, and her hips cant forward violently. 

Unlike last time, Astarion is quick to pull his fangs from her throat, before any real damage can occur, “You really can’t sit still, can you?” He groans in her ear, his voice void of any of its usual musicality as he grinds himself up against her in time with his fingers. A bubbling laugh escapes her mouth as she revels in the feeling of his length pressed firmly against her lower back, at the way his own hips don’t seem to want to stop moving, “N-Neither can you.” she says through her moans. “What can I say?” He murmurs, mouth slowly returning to the open wound on her neck, “You are positively delicious.” He does not bite again, instead lapping and sucking at the blood as it flows freely out of her. She can barely breathe, lost in utter exhilaration as the lightheadedness takes hold, his fingers curl and thrust inside of her, skin covered in a thin sheen of sweat as she finds herself completely unable to hold back her whimpers and moans. 

Astarion completely covers the bite mark with his mouth, sucking with true fervor now as she teeters closer and closer to her climax. Her eyes squeeze shut, and she frantically grinds herself against his awaiting fingers, the warmth builds and builds in her belly until she feels like she is about to turn to lightning in his arms. 

“A-Astarion, I-” Her words collapse into a desperate, aching moan as she tumbles over the edge, the world turning white behind her eyes and the heat rushing out from her core all the way to her fingertips. The euphoria is so encompassing that she nearly sobs as his fingers begin to slow their movements within her. 

He has the sense not to say anything, at least for a moment, and she can scarcely imagine how she looks right now. Her hair clings to her forehead with sweat, tears are beading in her eyes and- oh gods had she been drooling? She quickly raises a hand to wipe her mouth, and as she is doing so, she turns her head to look at him and oh.

Astarion blinks down at her, and the look in his eyes is heady and lust drunk, but there is something else to it as well, bordering on reverence. His cheeks are flushed, and she knows that can only happen when he has just fed. She swallows thickly at the red colouring of his lips, where her own blood is currently spread. Curiosity does something sinister to her, and she wants to taste it herself. 

His eyes go wide when she kisses him, and wider again when she darts out her tongue lick over his teeth. Astarion’s chest is heaving when she pulls back, his red eyes watching cautiously, as though unsure of her next move. She reaches out and takes his cheek in her palm, his skin is warmer than it was before.

“Your turn.” She whispers, trailing her hand from his cheek, down his sternum to the waistband of his breeches. She looks up at him quickly and is emboldened by the desire she still sees in his eyes, untucking his shirt and pulling it up over his head. He’s all perfect, smooth, porcelain skin, but her eyes can’t help being drawn to the way her rough undressing has left his hair disheveled. She tangles her fingers in it, smiling at how boyishly handsome he looks with his hair in disarray. 

“If it’s all the same to you, my dear.” He breathes, beginning to sound impatient, “I’ve waited for you long enough.” She laughs, edging his breeches and undergarments down over his hips, “So impatient for someone with your lifespan.”

He frowns at her, but she is surprised to find how easily she can tell he doesn’t mean it, “If anything, that should speak to just how much I crave you.” He croons as she swings one leg over his hips, hoving just over his lap, “You should be flattered.” “I am.” She replies with not a hint of irony, “I consider myself incredibly lucky.” Astarion reaches up to her face and tucks some of her hair behind her ear, “As do I.”

She wraps her arms around his shoulders to steady herself as she slowly lowers herself down, stutting a gasp when the head of his cock meets her entrance. It’s as cold as the rest of him, and she has to bite down on her lower lip to keep herself from crying out when she takes in the first inch. She’s still incredibly sensitive from her first climax, and the coolness of him feels so alien and utterly addictive that she is already panting and whimpering by the time he bottoms out inside of her. 

Astarion lets out a shaky moan when she finally sits down fully, his hands jumping to her waist and his head falling to rest on her shoulder. They stay like that for a moment, just clinging to each other, no sounds but their breathing and the rapid tattoo of her heart. 

When he looks up at her again, Astarion’s smile is utterly salacious, “You have me now, darling.” he whispers, pressing a cool kiss to her shoulder, “Perhaps it would the perfect moment for you to show me some of those, things you have been thinking about doing to me all this time.” 

Astarion isn’t usually that much taller than her, but even still, there is something addictive about their current positioning and the way he has to peer up at her. She tilts her head to the side, taking in the sight of him, his blood flushed cheeks and the glint of his teeth behind his wide smile. 

“Would it be…strange-” she begins, tangling one of her hands in the back of his hair, “-If said that i had often imagined biting you.” “Hah!” Astarion exclaims, grinning broadly, “Well, it would be hardly fair for me to ask you to keep your teeth to yourself, wouldn’t it?” Her brows pull together, “You can say no, Astarion.” His eyes go wide for a moment, and his face is awash with a sudden vulnerability, “I- Yes, I know that I can.” His smile returns, but now the look in his eyes is warmer, softer, “But I don’t want to.” He inclines his head to the side, exposing the length of his throat, “Go on, darling. Let me know how I taste, would you?”

She leans into his neck, breathing in his scent as she presses a soft kiss to his skin. He makes a noise, a startled intake of breath, his hands on her waist gripping tighter and she opens her mouth and bites. Astarion cries out, and his hips stutter his cock deeper inside of her. She moans against his skin, grinding her hips down to meet his and languishing in the feeling of just how well he fills her. 

Her teeth are far blunter than his, and actually drawing any blood would take a considerable amount of force and cause a considerable amount of pain, but even without the taste of blood in her mouth there is still something so delectably perverse about biting down on him, about burying her face in his throat. She moans, kissing from the base of his neck and up to the curve of his jaw, sucking gently on the skin there and smiling when she pulls away to see purple marks blooming on his pale skin. 

Astarion’s breath is heavy when he looks at her, but his eyes are soft and relaxed, “Admiring your handiwork, are you?” He laughs a little, peering up at her coquettishly, “Does it suit me?” She traces a finger over the crescent shaped bruises left by her teeth, smiling at him as she whispers, “Very much so, and now I believe we are even.” “Are we now?” Astarion replies, a mischievous look crossing his face as his hands move down to her hips, “Because as far as I can recall, only one of us has seen stars this evening.” 

“We’ll need to rectify this situation then, won’t we?” She says, her breath quickening as she grinds down on him. 

Astarion’s grip on her hips grows tighter and he chokes on a groan, “You look beautiful up there, my dear.” he thrusts up into her, slowly and deeply, “Sitting pretty on my lap, just for me.”

Her head lolls forward, whining as his cock brushes against that perfect spot inside of her. 

“Look at me.” Astarion whispers, and she tilts her head up to meet his eyes. His breath stutters when he sees her expression, desperate and adoring, “I want to see your face as I’m fucking you, darling.” She giggles shyly, resisting the urge to hide her face in her hands and Astarion smiles, “Good girl.” 

He uses the grip on her hips to lift her up and she whimpers as his cock leaves her, only to cry out when he drops her back down. Shifting her weight to her knees, she follows his lead bouncing on his cock to meet him on the upstroke. He never breaks eye contact, staring as her breath leaves her, watching reverently as she pants and moans with each of his movements. 

“A-Astarion…” She moans, leaning forward and pressing her forehead to his, “You’re so good, you feel so good.”

He laughs breathlessly, “Would you believe that you feel even better?”

One of his hands moves from her hip around to her front, his talented fingers rubbing encouraging circles on her clit. She keens loudly, digging her nails into his shoulders, “Didn’t I say it was your turn.” She forces out, “You really don’t have-” “You greatly underestimate just how much making you climax arouses me, my sweet.” He groans when he rubs her a little faster, feeling her walls clench around him in response, “I have been thinking about it, constantly.” 

She can feel her orgasm building again, the combination of his fingers and his cock driving her absolutely wild. He’s so warm now, her own growing heat slowly warming his cold skin over time, she wants to grab onto him and never let go. His hips are losing rhythm beneath her, driving his cock up into her with short, stuttered thrusts.  Gods she can feel him throbbing. 

“I’m-I’m close again.” She breathes. 

He groans at even the thought of it, “Good. So am I.”

“Fill me, Gods, Astarion- please” She moans, tightening her arms around his shoulders, pressing him flush against her. 

His own arms wrap tightly around her waist as he fucks up into her at an utterly desperate speed. His breath coming quick and fast, he buries his face in her shoulder, mouthing at the side of her neck, waiting as always, for her permission. 

“Fuck! Yes, Please, bite me!” She cries out, feeling the warmth of her oncoming climax already blooming in her belly, “Gods, Astarion, I am all yours.” His breath hitches at that, the frantic movement of his hips stopping for only a moment, “Mine…” he breathes, and then sinks his fangs into the side of her throat. She can barely comprehend what she is feeling, him all around her, inside her in more ways than one. She’s open, vulnerable, yearning and Astarion is all she ever wanted. 

Her second climax of the night is louder, twitchier, her whole body quivers as it feels like she is shoved over the precipice, her insides clenching desperately around him and her hands digging into his hair as she howls into the open air. 

“H-Hells!” He stammers at the feeling of her coming undone around him, clutching to her as tightly as he can before emptying inside of her. 

There’s warmth, for some time, as the two of them return from the white hot afterglow. She gently runs her fingers through his hair, and Astarion softly laps at any of the mess left on the side of her neck before kissing tenderly over the bite mark left behind. 

“Would you stay?” She whispers, hiding her face in his shoulder, nervous for his answer. 

Astarion chuckles, “Are you that insatiable, my dear? Can’t get enough?” She shakes her head, “No, I mean it. Stay with me until morning, we can talk, or sleep, I don't mind.” His breath is shaky now, and one of her hands comes up to rest on the back of her head, “I don’t really know what we are doing.” he breathes, “But I’d like to try, with you.” She sits up a little, meeting his eyes. There is apprehension there, yes, but more than that there is something warm and real. She smiles, “I guess we’ll have to figure it out together.”

His smile is lopsided and effortless, “Though I’m sure Shadowheart will have something entertaining to say, come morning.”

She laughs, “I’ll have to get used to withstanding her glare, I think, as I plan to make, well, whatever this is, a regular occurrence.” 

Neither of them feels a need to define what they are feeling, or even what comes next. But she smiles when Astarion presses a kiss to her temple, and decides that for now, it hardly matters. They’ll figure it out eventually. 

[maybanksprincess]

isnt the same without you.

warnings: comforting, fluff, insecurity, a little bit of blood.

summary: jj goes to a party without reader for the first time, and when jjs phone dies, she starts to overthink. (based off this ask, thank you anon!)

a/n: this is sort of short because its just a blurb, but i really love this request, its so cute!

pairings: insecure!reader x soft!bf!jj

you weren't feeling up to this big party that everyone was attending tonight. unfortunately, you and jj were planning to go for a few weeks now, and since you didn't wanna go, you didn't wanna stop him from attending it as well.

he insisted that he would stay home and look after you, he offered to buy you snacks and even watch those cheesy romcoms that he absolutely despises, but he tolerates them because you love them.

but you assured him it was okay, and he can go even if it made you feel a little uneasy.

you had never done well with being away from jj for long periods of time, let alone him going to a party without you. but you told yourself to 'grow up' and 'stop being a baby' about it. you needed to get a grip.

you decide to text him about an hour in, just to make sure he was safe, and then you promised yourself you would stop bothering him after that.

imessage:

11:01 pm: hey jay! im just checking in to make sure your okay, i dont wanna bother you or anything so im gonna let you have fun! bye i love you <3

-

you chew your nails, anxiously waiting on a response from your boyfriend.

about five minutes went by, and you were constantly picking up your phone, swiping up for any sign that he had read the text or responded. but there was nothing.

you waited another ten minutes, then got back to anxiously checking it again, still nothing. delivered.

you told yourself your being dramatic, and went to occupy yourself with doing the dishes, and sweeping the kitchen floor. by the time you had gotten back to your room about fifteen minutes later, there was still nothing.

you toss your phone down onto the bed, feeling frustrated but also upset at the same time. had he been hooking up with another girl? is he drinking too much? what if hes talking to someone else?

all these thoughts cloud your mind, and you find yourself biting down on the skin beside your nail bed. as your chewing away at your skin, your phone dings unexpectedly, causing you to jump a bit, tearing a piece of your skin off. (ouch.)

the sting of the bare skin makes your eyes water a little, a bead of blood trickling down your finger. "ow." you mumble, before picking up your phone and looking at whoever texted you.

it was jj. all your pain was instantly forgotten the moment you seen his text on your screen.

imessage

jayj🤍: "hey beautiful, im sorry i didnt text you back. i forgot my charger like a dumbass. but im at home now, and i didnt have fun. it was boring as shit without u baby."

you instantly reply to his message after reading it, your heart no longer feels like its carrying a weight anymore.

you: "thank you for texting, i was worried sick baby...i literally hurt my finger trying to answer the phone. I thought you might've been cheated on me or something."

you send that text with a underlying hint of insecurity in it, hoping he wont just brush you off. your in need of some reassurance from him right now.

jayj🤍: "baby you hurt your finger?!! and what do u mean 'cheat on you'? thats not even possible for me mama."

the next text eases your worries a bit, but you wanted to get everything off your chest.

you: "i just hate being without you for a long period of time, i wish i would've let you stay in with me tonight, but i know how excited you were for the party."

jayj🤍: "oh baby, no. parties are not the same without you. i would never cheat on you, im sorry if i made you feel that way, but that isn't me. you know your stuck with me forever mama, whether you like it or not."

now all your worries and insecurities are instantly gone, touched by your boyfriend's loyalty to you.

after you let yourself think for a moment, you remember the minor injury you caused yourself a few minutes back and wince slightly at the sting.

as if exactly on cue, jj double texts you.

jayj🤍: "oh and im on my way with some bandaids and snacks, i love you baby. unlock the door for me beautiful."

after he sends that text, you hear jjs dirtbike pull up.

[nereidprinc3ss]

do you believe me now? | 5

in which spencer reid and fem!reader are reunited, but the worst kind of sparks are flying. you meet a man named randall. derek morgan buys you a drink (sort of). it seems that some things can't be unsaid.

series masterlist

this series is 18+ warnings/tags: r goes to a bar but doesn't drink alcohol, gets hit on by weird men, dramatic, angst, sorry in advance a/n: surprise! i'll see myself out. love you! lmk your thoughts on this bad boy! i KNOW you'll have some! i'm locking all my doors and the cops are on speed dial after posting this. stay tuned for part six tho

You don’t call Spencer for four days. 

Spencer doesn’t call you for four days. 

It’s scary. 

There’s some texting—mostly him giving you updates on how things are going and when he expects to be back. Mostly you giving the messages a thumbs up and saying nothing else. 

Finally, on Thursday afternoon, his ringtone (the Bill Nye theme) makes you jump as you’re sitting on your bed staring into space. 

His caller ID photo—which is simply his passport photo, because you’d thought it was adorable—stares at you. You stare back. Contemplate not picking up. 

But you’re not quite there yet. 

And you cannot keep listening to Bill Nye the Science Guy. 

The answer button is cold under your thumb, but not as cold as your greeting. 

“Hi.”

You barely recognize your own voice. 

It seems to send Spencer for a loop as well, because his reply is halting. 

“Hey! Hi, um—how are you? I feel like we’ve barely talked this week.”

That would be because you told me my feelings for you are stronger than your feelings for me and I don’t know how to stop making every single word I say secretly mean I love you. We can’t have a conversation without me loving you. It will always be in the room or on the phone with us. To ignore the presence of it is impossible, and I don’t know if I can ignore the absence of yours, either. 

“Uh… yeah. I’m fine. What’s up?”

There’s a pause. 

“We wrapped up this morning. We’re getting on the jet here in a few minutes, and, um—I know it’s not ideal, but we missed Derek’s birthday and Penelope is insisting we all go to his favorite bar tonight. And he told me that for his birthday he wants to meet you. So… would you be up for that?”

“You want… to take me to a bar?”

“No. I mean—I know it’s not really your thing, but we missed Derek’s birthday three years in a row, and—and I understand if you don’t want to meet him tonight, but we wouldn’t have to stay very long and I really, really shouldn’t skip it. Derek has saved my life on more than one occasion.”

“You could go without me.”

More silence. Every second hurts, but you don’t understand why he wants you to come meet his best friend if he thinks the two of you are in different places emotionally. 

But maybe he’s not going to break up with you just yet. Maybe he’s going to keep inviting you to bars and foreign film festivals and bookshops. Maybe he’s going to treat you exactly the same as he always has but with this new added layer of knowledge that the way he treats you isn’t actually love, and it never was, and you’re not sure if it has the potential to ever become love. Because if it did—wouldn’t it have already? What more do you have to offer than what you’ve already given him?

Breakup or no breakup, you feel sick. 

When he speaks his tone is similarly chilly. It’s welcome. You want him mad. If he can’t reciprocate your adoration, then the very least he can do is have the decency to reciprocate your reproach. 

“I could. Is that what you want?”

No. I don’t want any of this. I need you to know me well enough to know that. And if you can’t love me then at least get angry. At least show me you feel something other than passive contentment. 

“Yeah. Sure. I don’t know.”

A pause stretches so long your heart pounds. You watch the elapsed time of the call tick by, second by second, and you wait for the anticipation to crack under the weight of silence, to give way to some terrible jump scare or to give way at all. 

But the words that end the conversation (if you can even call it that) aren’t any great relief. They’re just sad, and chalk full of defeat. 

“Alright. I’ll… I’ll call you later.”

You feel like you’ve swallowed an ice cube. All the words you’d like to say are frozen in your stinging throat. 

“Okay. Um… I’ll let you board now.”

“The jet’s not…” but he trails off. When he speaks again he sounds just as hurt as you’d wanted—and it doesn’t make you feel better at all. “Okay. Bye.”

“Bye.”

The line goes dead, and your face is burning as tears fill your eyes for the hundredth time this week. That call was terrible and poisonous and you don’t feel like yourself. 

Things have gone so wrong so quickly, and all you know how to do is ice him out so he can’t do it to you first. But it’s not going to make this better. No matter how mean you are to him, at the root of it all you feel unloved and scared and alone and Spencer knows things about love and relationships that you don’t. He’s confusing you with all this talk of feeling differently about each other and I’ll be home tomorrow I miss you and things get complicated when one person likes the other more and let’s talk in person and will you come meet my best friend tonight. All of it leaves you motion sick and ugly crying in the fetal position. 

All you have to get through this is who you’ve always been, a little of the person you’ve become, and the love you harbor for Spencer which rattles around in your chest like a nail in an empty toolbox. At the moment it hardly seems helpful. It mocks you, pointing out the pathetic hilarity of your paradox. The only person who can comfort you, the person you want more than anything, is the reason you’re so upset in the first place. But you can’t help being drawn to him. 

Maybe the love you have for Spencer is more like a magnet in a compass. 

Even if he doesn’t feel it for you, you do love Spencer. And that goes beyond just loving the parts of him that like you. To hide from that love would be a gross disservice to yourself and all the work you’ve done to get here. It’s not as if you suddenly know exactly what the answer is—but you’re sure that hiding is the most childish, cowardly thing you could do and the furthest you could get from a resolution. Even if you can’t make him love you back, you refuse to allow yourself to fizzle quietly out of his life. This relationship deserves something more than that. 

So maybe you don’t have a plan when you wipe your eyes and pick up your phone. Maybe there’s no strategy behind your actions as you text Garcia for the bar location. But if you keep running from everything you’ll never get anywhere. All you can do is show up. It seems like the next best step. 

------

The pub isn’t too crowded—but for a Thursday night, you suppose it’s a bit busy. 

Boot heels hooked onto the metal foot-beam of the stool you’re sitting on, elbows resting on the polished mahogany surface of the bar, you’re staring into an untouched mixed drink. Then you glance down the bar to your right, at the man who’d bought it for you. 

Maybe your ensemble gave him the wrong idea. 

Coming to this gathering had required bravery, and you came armored. Your ensemble projects significantly more confidence than you’re currently feeling. It was intentional, a form of self-protection—but now you’re wondering if it’s projecting a little too much confidence. 

All done up, clearly still a little rough around the edges, and sitting alone at a bar was bound to draw the wrong pairs of eyes. 

“Hey, darlin’,” the gruff man says, approaching when you inadvertently catch his gaze. “Are you gonna drink that, or should I? Otherwise I’m lookin’ at eleven dollars right down the drain.”

You avert your eyes, scanning the groups dotted here and there. 

“I’m waiting for friends.”

“Does that make a free drink less appealing?”

He takes the stool next to you, off-gassing the scent of cigarettes and leather. 

“I’m not drinking.”

“Really? I’ve never seen a girl who looks as sad as you do come sit at the bar to stay sober.”

You frown, looking back up at the man next to you. He seems like the Hell’s Angels type—tattooed knuckles, leather jacket, grey beard, and a weathered face that’s clearly spent decades with the sun. Fifties, maybe younger and just looks more rugged. What does it say about how I look tonight that this is the kind of man I’m attracting, you wonder. Maybe you look desperate and just as lonely as you feel. As he claims you do. 

“I’m not sad.”

“Alright. I’ll take your word for it. But a happier girl wouldn’t be all alone.”

“I’m waiting for friends,” you repeat, letting the words drip like venom from your tongue. 

“I’m Randall. See? Now we're friends.”

“I don’t need more friends. I like the ones I have.”

Something catches Randall’s attention long enough to catch yours. He raises his bottle vaguely, gesturing beyond your shoulder. 

“Are those angry lookin’ guys in the suits marching right over here the friends you’re talking about?”

You turn your head, brows furrowed, and immediately see the gentlemen to whom your new pal is pointing out. 

Spencer is storming across the bar looking close to furious (which for him, means an expression so placid it gives you chills) followed by Derek Morgan—a man who you’ve only seen pictures of and is even more impressive in person. 

You hate how your breath catches, how your heart is already beating a little faster than usual at the sight of him even though you’re not exactly pleased with each other right now. 

Suddenly the bubbles in your cocktail are once again fascinating.

“Those are the ones.”

“And why are they dressed for church?”

Church?

“They’re FBI.”

“Ah. My lucky fuckin’ day.”

You almost snort. 

“Hey,” Spencer says sternly, hand settling on your back as he partially fills the small space between you and the strange man. “Who’s this?”

You shrug, sit up a little straighter, and take a shallow breath—not because you’re scared of this man but because Spencer is suddenly so close to you and you can feel his warmth and the air bending around him and the scent of him is genuinely dizzying to you. 

“Randall,” you exhale unenthusiastically. But the odd thing is that you’re rather grateful for Randall’s presence. Because now Spencer is here and you have no idea what you’re going to say to him. 

“Oh,” Randall says, sipping his beer unhurriedly before using it to gesture to Spencer. “You’re the boyfriend. You know, that’s funny, because she didn’t mention a boyfriend.”

“I didn’t mention anything. We weren’t having a real conversation.”

Randy holds his hands up defensively, fingers still wrapped around the neck of a sweating bottle. 

“I’m just saying it’s in-ter-esting. Not trying to start anything.” He stands, pauses for another sip—Spencer obviously isn’t sure what to make of this man because he says nothing. “But listen, man to man—you better buy her some flowers or a real pretty fuckin’ necklace or somethin’ because a happy girl in a happy relationship does not come pout at the bar all by herself.”

“Get out of here, man,” Derek finally speaks up. 

“Yeah, yeah.” He sets his empty bottle down and fishes in his pocket for a cigarette, sticking it between his lips. “But—just for the record—I have a wife. I wasn’t gonna do anything weird. Sometimes when you’re my age you just gotta live a little. Buy a pretty girl a drink. Piss off some Mormons, or whatever the fuck you are.”

This guy sounds like a bad Bruce Springsteen song. But part of you would almost rather hang out with Randall than be forced into a conversation you’re not prepared for with Spencer. 

And whose fault is that, you remind yourself. You decided to come be mature. Suck it up. 

“Goodnight,” Derek emphasizes. 

Spencer doesn’t say a word. You can feel his eyes boring smoking holes into the side of your face, and you look anywhere else.  

“I’ll be here next week after physical therapy like clockwork,” the stranger waves as he ambles away—but not before pointing at you. “You enjoy that drink, friend. And don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

What a weird man. 

There’s silence for a moment—in which Spencer refuses to stop watching you and you refuse to acknowledge that. 

“And here I was thinking Spencer made you up.” Derek has a beautiful smile and a warm, charming cadence as he holds out his hand for you to shake. “I’m Derek.”

You take the proffered hand and shake, offering him a shy smile and introducing yourself in kind. 

“Happy birthday, by the way. Sorry for crashing your party.”

Really, he’s stunning. 

“Thank you, sweetheart. And you’re not crashing anything. I told pretty boy here I wanted to meet you the second he started talking about a friend. But nah, he just wanted to talk and talk and talk about you—” 

“Alright,” Spencer mumbles, blushing, eyes finally torn from your profile. You smile slightly, brows knitting as Derek magically melts some of the terrible tension.

“Pretty boy?”

Before either of them can explain, someone shrieks in your general direction. You startle backward in your seat, and Spencer steps closer, hand sliding up your back as Penelope, JJ, and Emily join your little huddle. For only a second you allow yourself to shrink into him—before you’re straightening your posture like your spine is a metal rod and his touch burns. It’s a knee-jerk defensive reaction for which you have no explanation. You can’t see him, but you don’t feel his hand on you again. 

“Oh my god! Look at this beautiful person who I love!” Penelope exclaims, pushing past Derek to grab your face and kiss both of your cheeks. “Oh my god,” she says again, wiping sticky lipgloss away with her thumbs, “I totally meant to ask before I did that. But your face is just so kissable. I’m so glad you decided to come!”

“Hi, Penelope,” you smile half-heartedly, incapable of reciprocating her cheery mood. Fortunately, she’s cheery enough for a standard commercial flight’s worth of people, and probably thinks of Derek’s birthday as a national holiday—so she doesn’t pick up on this. 

Emily and JJ offer you tamer although perfectly kind greetings. 

“Ooh, what are you drinking?” Emily asks, leaning closer to examine the forgotten beverage in front of you. 

“Not that,” Spencer mutters, grabbing the glass and sliding it away from you. You give him an affronted look—and immediately wish you hadn’t, since you’re meeting his eyes for the first time since he left. His words stall for just a moment as his eyes dart between yours before he’s saying, “you shouldn’t accept a drink if you didn’t watch someone make it.”

The audacity of him to be acting protective makes you scoff. 

“That guy didn’t spike my drink. He was harmless.”

“People thought Ted Bundy was harmless, too.”

It’s such a ridiculous thing to say that you don’t even have a response—your eyes simply narrow and you shake your head. A claustrophobic silence falls over the small group. 

“Okay…” JJ murmurs. “Um, do you guys want to go check out the jukebox with me? We have to play all of the birthday boy’s favorites.”

Several enthusiastic yeses go around, but you’re too busy having a stand off with your boyfriend to take much notice. 

Soon, it’s just the two of you. 

“Controlling isn’t a good look for you,” you finally say, spinning to rest your elbows on the bar once more and studying the bottles of liquor on the shelves beyond. 

“Evasive and avoidant isn’t particularly flattering, either. I was under the impression that you had no intention of coming after that phone call earlier.” 

You scoff again as your blood heats. Already the conversation is going worse than you’d expected—and your expectations were not high. 

“Do you think the cab driver was a serial killer, too? Or maybe the bartender?”

He’s still behind you and slightly to the side—but he leans down, resting his own fists on the bar right next to you and speaking lowly, directly over your shoulder. 

“Why don’t you try speaking to me like we’re adults instead of starting meaningless arguments in order to get under my skin?”

From him, that hurts. 

It’s a branch on the tree of your greatest insecurity—the fear that you’re too inexperienced with relationships and that makes you too immature and he’s been lying every time he says it’s not an issue. Because of course it’s an issue. It’s why you fell in love with him, it’s why you don’t know how to fix it, and it’s why you’re incapable of actually expressing any of your feelings to him.

“Why do you think I’m here right now?” you whisper—as sharp and stinging as a poison dart. “I’m trying to be a fucking adult. I don’t want to be here.”

Silence. 

“Then why did you come?”

His voice is so calm it burns like dry ice. 

“Because! Because you asked me to, because—”

You can’t bring yourself to say it aloud. 

Because I’m obviously still in love with you and I can’t just turn that off. I tried to do the right thing. 

Instead you bury your face in your hands and let it hang in the air, unspoken. You know he knows. You just don’t know why he’s acting like you’re so unreasonable for being upset. 

“Let me make this very clear to you,” Spencer murmurs, brushing your hair away from your ear so tenderly, speaking so softly you could convince yourself that he’ll say something kind. It’s the closest he’s been in days and now that he’s here you feel how much you missed him in your bones. And even though you sense a trap, you can’t help but sit up straighter. You’ll be complicit in your own undoing if it means you can have him close. His breath shakes slightly as he inhales and you brace as best you can. “Nobody is forcing you to be here. You told me you weren’t coming and then you decided to show up. I was ready to give you the space that you were too scared to ask me for. But I can only take responsibility for so much of what is ultimately your bad behavior and your adolescent volatility. You can only blame so much of your bad behavior on inexperience before I run out of patience because I don’t find thoughtlessness and emotional immaturity compelling. I told you that if there is a disparity in the way we feel for each other, that was fine, and I meant it. But if you can’t cope with how I feel about you then don’t let me hold you back. I am not holding you hostage. You can leave whenever you want. So don’t waste your time punishing me because you don’t want to be here. And if you do want to be here, good. I want that too. But act like an adult and make a decision. My leniency has limits, even for you. I am asking that you do not push it any further than you already have.”

You don’t know how long it’s been since your last breath by the time he finishes his address.

Long enough that you’re dizzy when you push away from the bar and shoulder through the throng of patrons as quickly as you reasonably can without outright running. 

Long enough that when you burst out the door into the biting-cold night air, and finally take a deep, gasping breath, it burns and stings and aches and so does your head and your eyes as they well with hot, furious, heartbroken tears. 

You speed-walk to the end of the block, hand clamped over your mouth to muffle your cries and all the curse words you’d love to scream. 

Part of you knows you walked away from the bar in case he decided to try and follow you—but when you look over your shoulder the sidewalk is empty. You should’ve known better than to think he’d follow you after that. But at least it means you can have your breakdown by the relative safety of the bar, leaning your back against the dirty brick facade next to the entrance alcove and sliding down until your butt hits the cold concrete and you don’t even care. 

Who the fuck was that man in the bar who looked like Spencer and sounded like Spencer but spoke to you like this is all your fault, like it’s your fault you love him and he doesn’t love you back, like it’s ridiculous that you’d be upset, like you’re cruel and petty for having feelings about it, about him—for having any fucking feelings at all? And to think that was the man who you let know you more intimately than anyone ever has. Every insecurity you’d ever admitted to him was hurled back in your face like it was nothing. Hell—he even handed you the ones you’d never mentioned. He proved every terrible thought you’ve been having about yourself right. 

How could he be so unabashedly mean to you?

Spencer doesn’t have to love you. It seems clearer now than ever that he doesn’t. But part of you wonders if he suffered some sort of traumatic brain injury because that’s the only explanation for why he could go from treating you how he did before to treating you like he doesn’t even like you. 

You feel like you might throw up. 

“Called it,” a rasping, grumbling voice says from a few feet away. 

You look up, and spot fucking Randall standing under a street light ten feet away, still smoking. 

You go back to studying the tar spots on the sidewalk through bleary eyes. Pebbles sting as they press into your palms. Another one of the universe’s terrible jokes, you suppose. Just earlier you’d thought that you’d rather talk to Randall than Spencer and now here you are and here he is. 

“That kid as much of a dipshit punk as I thought he was?”

Hearing Spencer described as a kid and a dipshit punk is so jarring you almost stop crying. 

“He’s not a dipshit,” you sniff, voice thick with tears as you find yourself explaining Spencer Reid to this stranger for no reason at all. “He has an IQ of 187. He’s a genius.”

“Ah,” he scoffs dismissively, flicking ash from his cigarette. “Dipshit-ism don’t discriminate. Anyone can be one. Even your genius punk boyfriend. As a recovering dipshit myself I know what the work of a fellow dipshit looks like. And this has dipshit written all over it.”

You sob harder. 

Randall speaks calmly around his cigarette. 

“You know, I’m sorry for whatever you got goin’ on. But I’ve never not been the asshole when I got a hysterical woman in front of me. It’s nice that I can confidently say this time it is not my fault.”

The bar door opens, letting a warm burst of jovial music and chatter into the otherwise still night. Steps that are too heavy to be Spencer’s hit the concrete next to you—you look to your left and see Derek Morgan before he looks down and sees you. 

“Hey—you okay out here?”

“Why don’t you go ask your Jehovah’s Witness buddy? He did this.”

Derek makes a face, locating the source of this interjection. 

“Sir, I asked you to leave her alone once and I don’t appreciate being made to repeat myself. Are we clear?”

“Yeah, whatever. Fuck me for making friendly conversation, I guess. Gonna have to call my wife and tell her to pick me up down the street. I don’t want her on the damn phone while she’s driving.”

Randall wanders away again, still muttering to himself and smoking. Derek watches him go, staring daggers into his back until he turns his gaze to you. 

Goodbye, Randall, you think. Great. Now I have neither of them. 

“Hey,” he softens, crouching down to your level. “You okay?”

You sniff, wiping your cheeks and attempting not to smudge your makeup. It’s impossible not to feel awkward—you just met this guy and now he’s here trying to do emotional labor for you on his birthday. 

“Yeah, I’m fine. This is embarrassing.”

“You don’t look fine. Can I do anything for you? Do you want some food? A drink?”

“You really don’t have to—”

“I know, I know. But look—Reid is always talking about you. You’re important to him, and he’s important to me. I’ve never seen him this happy and I’ve known that kid a long time. It is in my best interest that someone maintain you, and if it’s not him, it’ll be me. Call it a favor to him, if that makes you feel better.” Derek is sporting a slightly more modest Cheshire grin again by the end of his sentence. Listening to him speak that way about Spencer speaking about you, it’s impossible not to feel a teeny bit lighter. Even if you’re not entirely sure where you stand on all things Spencer related at the moment. “So I’ll ask you again. Is there anything I can do for you?”

You sniff again. 

“Sure. A ginger ale or something might be good.”

“Got it. I’ll be back. And come inside if Randall tries to run up on you again, okay?”

Despite yourself you manage a laugh at the way he says the name. His warm smile flickers warmer at this.  

“Will do.”

When Derek returns a few minutes later, the plastic cup he’s holding looks decidedly not like ginger ale. 

“Penelope insisted that this is what you would want. I don’t even know.”

You smile slightly as you take the cup, full to the brim with bubbles and thick red syrup. A cherry bobs underneath the layer of cubed ice. 

“Shirley temple,” you chuckle. “I’ll take it. Thank you.”

“You’re very welcome,” he says, flashing that brilliant smile again, and you look into your cup as you drink. Maybe your face warms just a bit. You’re still shy around men, you realize. Especially attractive ones. And Derek Morgan definitely qualifies as attractive. 

“So,” he begins, and to your surprise, crouches down in front of you. “I have to be honest—I came out here in the first place because Reid sent me to check on you. But now I’m wondering what the hell he did.”

Spencer sent him. A considerate action that would theoretically signal his care for your feelings. You take another sip, staring into space and trying to digest this information, but it only jumbles with the rest to confuse you more. 

Of course, you don’t know how to convey this to Derek in a way that’s not overly-familiar for just having met the man, so you go with an old standby. 

“I’m probably just overreacting.”

“Uh-huh. I have sisters. I know what an overreaction looks like and if you were overreacting you wouldn’t be out here hiding. What’d he do?”

You can only keep up the facade of emotional stability for so long. Your chin wobbles in a horribly embarrassing way and you look down again. 

“I’m not sure—I’m not sure if he really did anything or if I’m just being dramatic and I don’t want to make him seem—”

“Why don’t you stop defending him and just tell me what he did?” Derek urges. “Trust me—I love that kid to death. But I also know he can be a dick sometimes. You don’t need to worry about making him look bad in front of me.”

Part of you is glad Spencer has such a good friend on his side. And Derek is right—Spencer is an adult. You don’t need to worry about besmirching his reputation. So you take a shuddering sigh, staring into the red of your drink. 

“He just doesn’t like me as much as I like him. Which isn’t his fault, like I said, but—he’s being such an asshole about it.”

Derek pulls a face, strong eyebrows making an impression as they knit.  

“Did he tell you that?”

“Over the phone,” you nod emphatically. “And just now he gave me this whole fucking speech about how immature and horrible I am for not being 100% happy about it. And maybe he’s partially right, I mean—I know people feel things differently and maybe he just was asking for more time. I worry I fucked it up so bad because I couldn’t handle that—but at the same time he didn’t say he wanted more time. He was really fucking unclear and vague about what he wanted, and he asked me to come to this bar like it was nothing when I’ve been worried he was going to break up with me all week. So yeah, I guess he’s right and I have been a bitch about it because I was upset that he didn’t… like me as much. And I wanted him to feel bad because I was so embarrassed, and I also didn’t want to act like everything was normal if he was just going to dump me, I…” you realize you’ve been hardcore rambling and your face heats. “I don’t know.”

There’s a pause, and you worry you’ve done exactly the thing you didn’t want to, which was overshare to this man who seems like he’s significantly more normal and well-adjusted than you. You drink deeply, swallowing sugar and the rest of your words. 

“That’s… bizarre. I don’t mean to invalidate your feelings, but… that just doesn’t make any sense.”

“Yeah,” you scoff, projecting annoyance so you won’t start crying again. “I was confused too. I thought he really liked me.”

“No, sweetheart, I’m saying—that doesn’t make sense because he does really like you. Really, really likes you, more than I’ve ever seen him like someone before. I mean, last week I finally finished that Tesla biography he’s been on my ass about for months and when I told him, all he wanted to do was talk about your thoughts on it. And then it wasn’t even about the book anymore. I have never, ever seen Reid pass up an opportunity to talk about Nikola Tesla. I’m talking never in my life. He finds a way to make every conversation about you. I can’t even follow the connections sometimes but he always finds a way.”

Your nose wrinkles. 

“Sorry you’ve had to hear so much about me,” you mumble. Though you’re not really sorry. It feels good. A twinge of joy in all the murk. 

“I’m not. Like I said, I’ve known Spencer for a long time and I’ve never seen him this happy. I’m not about to let him fuck it up.”

“If I make him so happy then why did he tell me we don’t feel the same?” you whisper, reaching into the puddle of syrup and ice at the bottom of your now empty cup. 

“Is that exactly what he said?” Derek asks, after a long pause. You bite the maraschino cherry off the stem and nod morosely, grinding a long-gone stranger’s cigarette butt with your boot just to crush something. There’s another beat of silence. “Alright. You know what I think?”

You raise your head to meet his gaze, your own wide-eyed and expectant. 

“I think you two need to have an honest conversation. You’re both confused and hurting—I promise Spencer is feeling it too. If you talk to him he won’t be unkind to you.”

“He already was,” you admit. 

“I apologize if I’m out of line here, but you just told me you’ve been icing him out all week because you want him to feel bad. I’m willing to bet you don’t realize how sharp these claws are.” Derek grabs your hand as he says it and you marvel at how much he is the opposite of you. Everything he does and says seems so natural and reasonable and charming even if it would piss you off from anyone else—and you just met the guy. You can see why Spencer and Penelope speak so highly of him. “I think you’ve probably both had your moments these past few days. But that doesn’t mean neither of you deserve any more chances.”

He puts your hand back on your knee and pats it. 

“Besides, Spencer‘s not good at mean. I bet he’s inside worrying himself sick over whatever dumb shit he said to you. He’s probably hyperventilating as we speak.”

“It was really out of character for him,” you concede. 

“Yeah. He’ll be apologizing for a long while. It will get annoying. But he sure as hell won’t be doing it again, I can tell you that much. If he does, let me know. Emily and I will whoop his ass and call it a fitness evaluation.”

“I think that’ll be unnecessary,” you laugh thickly, pulling your sleeve over your hand and wiping away the few tears that haven’t quite dried. “But thank you.”

“Anytime. Now, it’s my birthday, and as a grown man I should not be getting involved in someone else’s relationship drama. I was supposed to be on the dance floor a while ago.” His tone is so warm and sugary by the time he finishes it could rot his perfect grin. It’s futile to hide the way your mouth twists into a reluctant smile as you look down and fix your hair—praying he can’t tell how fazed you are by his kindness. “You’re going to talk to him, right?”

“I’ll—yeah. Right,” you say quietly. But the sinking feeling in your stomach knows it’s a thing easier said than done. 

“Good,” Derek grunts, taking your empty cup before pushing himself back up to his feet and offering you a hand. “Do you want me to send him out here or do you want to come find him inside?”

You balk.

“Like—right now? I have to talk to him now?”

Before he can give you an answer you think you’d rather not have, the bar door is opening. From your spot you can’t see who it is right away, but Derek turns over his shoulder and does a double take before looking back at you. 

Spencer steps out onto the sidewalk, eyes scanning for until he realizes you’re a few feet shorter than usual. Sitting on a filthy public walkway is probably his worst nightmare, you realize, as you scramble to your feet and dust the crumbs of concrete from your palms against the back of your cold jeans. He begins to say your name, and it sounds like relief and regret, but you stop him. 

“I have to go wash my hands.”

It’s monotonous and mumbled and comes out too quickly but you don’t have time to worry about that as you brush past both of the men on your way back into the bar, making an immediate beeline for the bathroom. 

Your face burns with anxiety as you shut the door behind you, immediately drowning in the yellowish lighting which is so harsh but seems to illuminate almost nothing. Who paints a bathroom red? It’s suffocating. You feel like you’re inside an aorta. 

Water runs cool over your hands as you sniffle, rinsing the bits of dirt from red indents made by pebbles and things, and the soap is too floral and powdery but you wash twice anyway. Maybe you’ll just stay in here and wash your hands forever. 

There’s a light knock on the shiny wooden door and it makes you jump. Your name is muffled from the other side. 

“You in there?” 

Quickly you wipe under your reddened eyes in the mirror, trying to fix the slightly smudged makeup. 

The door opens when you don’t respond, and there’s Spencer, looking weary and tense all at once. Is that your fault?

“Hey,” you sniff, trying to effect casualness, but it comes out too quickly and your posture is too stiff. Under his all-seeing gaze you cross and uncross your arms, look at him and look away. Your hands end up in your pockets. He’d say crossed arms are a sign of self-soothing. 

“Hey.” His is more measured, and of course makes you feel embarrassed in comparison. The door swings shut behind him as he enters the small room and makes it feel that much smaller. “Are you… hiding from me in here?”

Yes. 

The graffitied toilet stalls to your left suddenly look fascinating. 

“Nope. Just washing my hands.”

This is not what Derek told you to do, you scold yourself internally. Stop being so scared. Be honest with him. 

Silence rings. All the brutally honest things you’d like to say choke you until your throat hurts and your eyes get hot. Yet again you feel like a stupid little girl who’s too emotional to communicate. 

You cross your arms. It’s an indulgence you feel you’re owed. 

Spencer says your name again and it’s too much. He never says it this often. When he does it feels good but now it’s too formal, makes you too aware of your own inadequacy, and how he must be seeing you—a wraith of a girl in a dingy bar bathroom with clammy hands and smudged eyeliner, practically shaking with fear under an unforgiving light. Someone who is too scared and much too sensitive. 

Spencer attempts to speak again. 

“What I said before, it was—”

“Can you just take me home?” 

It comes out on one exhalation and seems to stall him with all the effectiveness of a slap to the face. 

You don’t know where it comes from, either. 

Easier said than done, you’d thought a few moments ago. All the bravery Derek had tried to instill in you is gone, swallowed down the drain like soap scum. And now you’re choosing to let your fear win—because at least that’s a known quantity. The fear will never reject you. It will always be waiting with open arms. 

Too scared. 

The end feels imminent. You try to press yourself back together, fingernails biting into palms, trying to make something feel more tangible than the terrible knowingness that you’re careening toward an end which was supposed to be a beginning. It’s stifling and you wonder if Spencer is breathing it too. 

You can’t look at his face, but you watch him pocket his hands in his pants and there is so much impossible space between you in such a tiny room. 

“Yeah. I can.”

Something breaks. It’s small, and without fanfare. But it feels final. 

It’s just a ride home. Just a ride home. 

That’s all you have left, and you don’t know how you know it but you do. 

Something so important is being left in this stupid, dingy bathroom. Something that was at one point beautiful and shiny and so arrogant in its newness that it seemed it would never become ugly. And now you’re abandoning it without dignity on the chipped tile floor and in the cobwebs on the walls. It was bigger than you, it was you—and now it’s going to be nothing. 

A vehicle honks on the street. A boisterous group laugh explodes somewhere beyond the door. Water drips from a faucet. 

“I’ll… I’ll bring my car around.”

“Okay.”

But he just stands there for another moment. Like he can’t get himself to move. 

If only time would freeze before he could walk away. 

But it doesn’t. 

He sucks in a decisive breath. 

“Okay,” he murmurs. 

It’s that fucking phone call all over again. 

Then he spins on his heels and leaves you there.

Your time is up. 

-

part 5.5

[giannaln4]

Sorry Won't Fix This

lando norris x fem reader

summary: Lando makes the biggest mistake of his life, bigger than any apology, and you both hoped there was a way to fix it. Unfortunately, you both wished it at different times. (5.5k words)

warnings: angst, cheating, mentions of sex, manipulation, mede up characters, use of Y/N

a/n: I FINALLY WROTE MORE ANGST! This is a long one and I held nothing back. I really did try to make it as hurtful and dramatic as possible and ngl I was inspired by 'Don't worry darling' for a tiny part of this (you'll know when you read it) but anyway, this one does NOT have a happy ending so please let me know what you think!

Check out the original request here!

↺ back to navigation — send me a request!

You had a terrible feeling, but you were too scared to look into it, terrified you would be right. 

Truth is, you started feeling like that just a few weeks ago, when you went back to Lando’s apartment to surprise him with lunch and found an empty room and the bed unmade from somebody sleeping on it. Any other day that would’ve been completely normal, but you had stayed with him the night before and made the bed as soon as you both got up to get ready for your separate plans for the day, leaving a perfectly made bed to come back to. 

Before that day, you would’ve never in a million years thought that Lando would cheat on you. He had always been so loving and caring, even before you started dating, and once you officially became a thing, he would constantly remind you how much he loved you, and on special days he was the most romantic person ever, and you always thought that you would spend the rest of your life with him, but now... you didn’t want to think about it, but you couldn’t bury the thought of him with someone else after it crossed your mind briefly while looking at the messy bed.

Later that night you asked him about it, trying hard not to sound like you were accusing him of something, but his excuse just made you feel worse, your suspicions growing.

“What do you mean?” He asked as he inspected his bed, unsure of what was wrong with it. 

“Well, you know, I made the bed this morning before we left, remember?”

“Oh, uh- yeah, I came back to- to take a nap,” he stuttered, not even looking at you. 

But it kept happening, a few more times.

Things started to change after that; he cancelled the plans you made for when he came back home, he suddenly was too busy every day and your presence might be a distraction for all the things he had to get done for the next race, he was so tired at night he didn’t have the energy for anything, and he even asked you to go back to sleep in your own apartment, claiming he just needed to sleep on his own to be comfortable, even though you were used to sleeping together.

Long story short, he was distant; he was never around anymore, and even when he was, you felt like you were missing him. He was just... different, and you were beating herself up wondering what had changed.

He, on the other hand, didn’t miss you, seeing he didn’t make an effort anymore and he could go days without answering a text or returning a call, ​​and it was not because you took a long time to reply; you would always respond in a heartbeat if it was him. If it weren’t for all the times you visited him at his apartment when a news outlet brought up that he was back in Monaco to make sure he was doing okay, you wouldn’t talk to each other at all.

But today you were feeling hopeful. It was your anniversary, and you had a date night planned — a date he didn’t cancel, so you took the entire afternoon to do your nails, your hair, and pick a beautiful dress to wear, his favourite dress. Your makeup took a while, but you still managed to be ready on time for the wonderful night you had ahead, so you made your way to him, your palms sweating when you knocked on the door.

“Y/N? What are you doing here?” Was the first thing he asked, wiping her smile off of her face.

“I thought we would go out tonight,” you replied, looking down at your hands to hide your clear disappointment.

“Oh- I guess I forgot to tell you but I remembered I have an important meeting tomorrow morning, so I’m not gonna make it." The door was barely open, and he was standing where the crack was, blocking his apartment as he held the door with a strong grip.

“Okay,” your voice was so faint you barely heard it yourself. “Do you need anything? I could stay here for a couple of hours.”

“No, don’t worry about it. I think it’s better if you leave.”

Tears pricked your eyes, swallowing the small lump forming in your throat. “Why?”

“Well, I’m busy with a few things. You know, I have a really early day tomorrow, and you can’t really help me with a McLaren meeting, can you?”

You shook your head slowly “I guess I’m leaving then.”

The tears you had been holding started to fall as soon as you turned around; you could feel your mascara clumping on your eyelashes and forming black streaks down your cheeks, ruining the contour and highlight you applied in hopes of impressing your boyfriend. You ran back to your car and let it all out once you closed the door. You really thought things would be different tonight, but you were wrong.

You started driving to your best friend’s house, desperate to vent about how terrible your relationship was going since you had been keeping a secret from everyone; the last thing you needed was the media to get in the middle of this. 

“Oh my god, Y/N. Are you okay?” Mia asked you when she saw the mascara tears.

You shook your head as you stepped inside, small whimpers leaving your lips as you tried to stop the crying.

“What happened?” She took your hand and guided you to the couch.

“Lando.” 

“What about Lando?”

“I think he’s cheating on me." You had never said that out loud, and saying it broke your heart even more. “I wish I was crazy, but the signs... I know he is.”

“I’m not trying to defend him or anything, but what makes you think that?”

“Everything, Mia. He has been acting so... distant. Ever since-” You stopped yourself. You never told anyone your relationship with Lando wasn’t doing so well, making up excuses to cover his. You just wanted to hold on to everyone else’s idea of you two, thinking you were the perfect couple.

“What? Have you guys been fighting?”

You took a deep breath before saying, “Remember the last time I stayed over at his apartment?” She nodded in response, “Well, later that day I went back to surprise him with lunch, but he wasn’t there and the bed was a complete mess, and you know I always make the bed when I wake up. He said he went back to take a nap, but he was supposed to be with Carlos all morning, and it didn’t make sense he had time to come back, take a nap, and then leave again, so I asked Carlos, and they didn’t meet at all that day. Is that insane?”

"No, Y/N, of course not.” Mia didn’t know what to say; she wanted to comfort you but she didn’t know how. “And he’s been acting weird since then?”

You nodded, wiping your tears away. “Yeah, he’s been pushing me away since that day. Telling me he doesn’t have time because he’s so busy with the season, which I understand, but not even answering a couple of texts? And cancelling every date we had planned?”

“Is that what happened today? I thought it was your anniversary.”

“It is.” You were nibbling on your lip profusely, looking up so tears would stop falling. “I don’t know what I’m gonna do.”

“Have you told him how you feel?” You shook your head again; you hated confrontation, and you were hoping you didn’t have to do that. “I think you should go talk to him.”

“Right now?”

“If not now, then when? You say you’ve been feeling like something’s off for a while, but you haven’t said anything to him.”

“I don’t know Mia-”

“If he is cheating on you then you need to break up with him, you don’t deserve to be in that situation, and you deserve to know the truth.”

You inhaled as you considered what Mia just said. She was right, but to be completely honest, you weren’t ready yet. “I really want to know, but I can't.”

“Why not?”

“Because what if he is?” Tears started rolling down your face again, Mia hugging you tight as soon as it happened. “I love him, and... I just want things to go back to normal.”

“I know you do, but believe me, it’s better if you know.”

You stayed there for a while, but ultimately decided to go talk to him, but you needed to put yourself back together before confronting him. Mia helped you to wash your face and fix your hair, comforting you and offering to stay with you once the two of you were done talking. You accepted; you didn’t want to be alone, and Anne, your flatmate, had been going out of town a lot recently, so your apartment was empty, and you knew it’d be a long night.

Once you felt better and ready to talk to him, Mia drove you to his place as you repeated in your head everything you wanted to tell him. You knocked loudly and didn’t stop until he opened. He looked annoyed, and you stormed inside as soon as he opened the door.

“What are you doing?”

“We need to talk.”

“About what?” 

You blinked at him twice. Did he not think you needed to talk? “About us, Lando. What’s going on?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Okay, now you were mad. “Lando, you have been ignoring me for days, and I understand if you’re busy, but it doesn’t explain you pushing me away at all times.”

“I’m sorry if you feel that way.”

There was a moment of silence, both of you staring at each other as you tried to remember the questions you were supposed to ask, but none of them seemed to make sense now that you were standing in front of him “That’s all you’re gonna say?”

“What do you want me to say?” 

“How about you tell me exactly what’s going on?”

You were both raising your voices, but Lando especially. “I told you already, I’ve been busy with the season-”

“I could’ve stayed here with you or gone with you to races if that meant spending more time together, like we have done before.”

“But why would you want to do that?”

“To keep you company, maybe?” 

“But all you do is stand around while I do my job.”

“Lando, do you know how many weeks I’ve spent away from home just so we can be together? And you don’t even care anymore, you didn’t even care to say thank you.”

“I never asked you to come,” he mumbled.

You scoffed before shaking your head. “I wanted to, you know I worry about you when you stress yourself out about a race, you tend to overwork yourself-”

“I. Never. Asked. You. To. Come." He interrupted you, his tone punctuated with each word. “I would’ve been fine without you, I don’t need you in my hair at all times." His eyes hardened, his mouth opening to speak again. “Don’t you have better things to do?”

“I just- I’m your girlfriend, I guess I thought you liked to be with me.”

“I do, but you don’t have to be so clingy all the time.”

You didn’t say anything, hoping you heard it wrong or that he’d apologise, but he didn't. “What?”

“You know, we do everything together and-”

“No, we used to do things together, not everything." You corrected him.

He took a deep breath, as if he was done dealing with you. “Right. Look, I’m tired, we can talk tomorrow.”

You nodded, holding back the tears as you walked towards the door. “Happy anniversary,” you said before slamming it closed and running back to Mia’s car.

Lando sat on his couch with his head between his hands for a moment. How could he forget? He took a deep breath as he got up, looking for a ribbon and a gift he bought for you who knows how long ago.

He made his way to Mia’s flat; he assumed you would be there, and your car parked outside confirmed his suspicions, so he knocked on the door a couple of times before saying, “Baby, I’m sorry. I was caught up in all the things I have to do before leaving, and I didn’t realise what day it was." But he got no response. “Y/N please, I know you’re here. Will you please talk to me?”

“Go away, Lando.” Mia was the one to yell, making Lando realise he would not be able to fix it, not tonight anyway. 

“Okay, I’m leaving this here. I- I love you.”

You called in sick for your job the next day, your sore eyes and pounding headache being the only things you could think about. Well, that and Lando.

You were staring at the gift he bought for your one-year anniversary — what you were supposed to celebrate the day before. It was beautiful, and you couldn’t believe he remembered you mentioning it on one of your first dates ever, but it was the letter inside that broke your heart. It looked... unfinished, like he didn’t even care enough to give it a proper ending, so you were wondering how long ago he stopped working on it.

The days after that were rough, long nights of wondering what you could have possibly done wrong, but even then you didn’t talk to him. He tried to, a couple of times, but you needed a little bit of time.

A couple of weeks went by, and you found yourself alone at your apartment, catching up on the work you missed for calling in sick so many times.

It was your birthday, and Mia insisted a million times you go out and celebrate, clear your head, and forget about Lando once in for all, but somehow it felt wrong; you had made plans with Lando a few months back to bring your family to a race so they could finally meet him, but obviously that wasn’t happening anymore, so what was the point of celebrating? You just needed to focus and get things done anyway.

You were thankful that Mia had been for you through it all; you really were, but sometimes crying alone did more for you than having someone tell you ‘everything's gonna be okay.' You were tired of hearing that.

Hours later, you found yourself with a cup of coffee to finally catch up on the last project. It wasn’t really that much of a workload, and you didn’t need to stay up all night to do that, but you were going to anyway. Perhaps you just wanted to be productive, or maybe that was you trying to occupy your mind from the possibility of your boyfriend cheating on you.

You looked at the clock; it was 11:30 PM. You sighed, typing away whatever you were supposed to on your laptop, your eyes sore from staring at it for too long, when a text message interrupted you.

Unknown [Attachment: 1 photo]

Unknown: I heard they have been at it for a while.

That text message induced such a great shock on your tired, worn-out body, tears falling down your face as soon as you read it. You didn’t want to open it as you were sure of what this was about, but your curiosity got the best of you.

Tapping on the notification, you prepared yourself mentally to confirm your terrible suspicions. And they were confirmed.

Your vision was blurry from the tears, but you were able to see Lando standing next to his new Ferrari, and he was with someone else, except you couldn’t see who it was, the big jacket and a beanie protecting her identity. He was smiling down at her, eyes full of... love? Those green eyes you thought he reserved for you only, but clearly you were wrong. His big hands were around her waist as hers went around his neck, and his lips were stained with lipstick.

You broke down crying, curled up on your bed as you wore one of Lando’s hoodies that still smelt like him. You now knew what the truth was, but you didn’t want to accept it. What happened to you two? When did he stop loving you?

It was like your heart was ripped from your chest; all that time you spent together down the drain like it was nothing, like it all meant nothing to him.

You didn’t know for how long you cried the night before, but it was now 1 PM and you were just waking up, so you probably cried for hours. There was nothing left you could do to save your relationship, so you made up your mind to break up with him as soon as he came back from the American triple header.

Y/N: We need to talk, just let me know when you’re here.

The message was left unanswered, as usual. You rolled your eyes and put your phone down, returning to your video call with Mia.

“Do you know who that is?”

“No, sorry.” 

You sighed as you sipped your hot coffee “What about the number? Do you know who sent the picture?”

“What’s the number? Maybe I can ask around to see if any of my friends know.”

You sent her the phone number, along with the picture of Lando and the other girl. “Thanks. Don’t show anyone that picture thought. I’m already embarrassed as it is.”

“Embarrassed? Y/N, he should be the embarrassed one, you didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Maybe I did-”

“No, stop doing that to yourself. We both know it’s not your fault.”

You nodded. “I can’t help it. I just don’t understand.”

“Understand what?”

“Was I not enough? Why did he need to find someone else?”

Mia hated to see you going through that, how you felt like you were not enough or that it all ended because of you, and she hated Lando for causing all of that. “I know it’s hard right now, but I promise you’ll understand that none of this is your fault. Y/N you’re amazing, and he’s an idiot for not realising.”

Talking to her made you feel better, but all those terrible emotions came back whenever you looked at the picture again, a million questions invading your mind. How long has he been doing this? Who is she? Does he still love you? What did you do wrong?

A couple of days later, Lando finally replied to your text.

Lando: Just got back. I’m in my apartment

Your heart sank at the notification; you didn’t want to talk to him; you didn’t want things to be over. There was still a part of you that hoped everything was just a misunderstanding, hoping he wasn’t cheating on you and she was just a friend. But deep down you knew the truth, and the possibility of it being a mix-up was down to zero, and after he made it clear that he didn’t want to be in a relationship with you anymore, you decided to fulfil his wishes.

It was a long drive to his home; it felt longer than usual, but maybe you were just dreading the conversation you knew was about to happen.

You took a deep breath before knocking on the door, Lando opening it almost right away.

"Hey,” he said faintly, worried he got caught.

“Hi.” You entered the apartment you once thought you would move into and looked around. You had been there a million times, and so many of those times were special little moments you shared together, but right now it felt like you were disconnected from the space. “How was the triple header?”

“Not great- I don’t know. It was messy, I guess." He tried to give you a smile but stopped himself when he noticed your stare full of fury. “What did you want to talk about?”

Seriously? “I’m breaking up with you." Your voice was weak, but you did not dare let a tear slip past your waterline; he didn’t deserve to see you cry. 

“What?” The shock in his eyes looked so real that you almost believed him “Why?”

“Did you really just ask that?”

“So that’s it? We’re over?”

“Lando, come on, we’ve been over for a while." You stepped closer to him, pain and anger written all over your face as the tears struggled to stay on your eyes. “We didn’t even feel like a couple anymore. Lando, you forgot our anniversary, and that day you made it clear you wanted nothing to do with me. And to think I planned a beautiful night for us and bought you a great gift. Do you have any idea how stupid I felt?” 

“I didn’t know you were feeling like that.”

“Of course not, when have you ever listened to me anyway?”

Lando rolled his eyes “Okay, I understand, but we don’t have to break up, I already explained what happened that day, I was busy and completely lost track of time.”

“And I guess she doesn’t have anything to do with this?” You showed him the picture, his demeanour changing immediately.

“Y/N, I- I’m sorry, baby, I’m so sorry." His eyes and his voice softened as he tried to reach for you, but you turned around and wiped the tears that managed to leave your eyes, a million questions flooding your mind again.

“So it’s true." You were just confirming to yourself what you already knew. Anger and pain washed over your body. Why her? Why her when you’ve been nothing but perfect to the man you loved the most?

“Baby, I can explain.” 

You turned around to face him again “Who is she?” He shook his head, his eyes begging you not to make him say it while yours watered, “Who is she?” You repeated.

“You don’t wanna know.”

“Why? Cause I might find out you’re cheating?”

A few tears started to roll down his face, his hands desperate to hold yours. “I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Cause you’re gonna hate me even more." You stared at him, even more tears falling as you tried to think who the girl could be. 

“Did you two- did you sleep with her?” His nod was barely perceptible; if you didn’t already know the answer, you would’ve missed it. Maybe he was right; maybe it’d be better if you didn’t know. 

“I’m sorry, baby, I’m so sorry.”

“Stop it.”

“I know I fucked up, but she doesn’t mean anything to me, I swear.”

“Shut up, Lando. I just… I don’t understand.”

“Let me explain-”

“And I don’t care how many times you apologise, how do you expect me to forgive you?” You took a couple of steps back, trying to figure out what caused him to do such a thing. “Even if we stayed together and got married and started a family, how can I ever look at you and not think about that?”

"Baby, I want all of that, I want the rest of my life with you, like we talked.”

“That was before you ruined everything.”

“I know what i did is wrong-”

“Wrong?”

“But we can work this out.”

“What? No, Lando, stop.”

“Just give me another chance, please.”

“Is that why you've been so distant, huh? Was she here on our anniversary?” Lando didn’t say anything, and the flashes from Lnado’s knuckles turning white from holding the door closed that night creeped your mind. Your heart ached so much that every time you breathed deeply, it was scorching you to the core “How could you do that?”

“I shouldn’t have done that, I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologising.”

“You know I didn’t mean it.”

“Just stop… god.”

“Y/N just hear me out, I swear it only happened once.”

“Are you fucking kidding me? I know that’s not true. Do you know how many times I came to an unmade bed? And how many excuses you made?” He stayed silent. “I don’t care how many times it happened, you still did it and nothing is gonna change that.”

“I know.”

“You’ve been hurt before, right? What if I was the one cheating? Would you just forget it ever happened and come back to me?” Once again, he didn’t say anything. “No. Of course you wouldn’t. Lando, how could I ever forget what you did? Or everything you said to me when we were fighting, and the fact that you lied and- and cheated-”

“But you came all the way here.”

“Because I care, and you... you never cared, you never tried-”

“I care, I care so much. Baby, please, you have to believe me." He tried to reach out to you, but you pushed his hand away.

"No, you don’t, and if I’m here, it’s because I know after this we’ll never see each other again, we’ll never talk again and this just has to end.”

“But I don’t want it to end.”

“Well, you ended it when you cheated on me.”

He stared at you for a moment before continuing. “But… I want you, she didn’t mean anything to  me." He approached you again, his hope growing a little when you didn’t stop him. He put a strand of hair behind your ear, softly brushing your cheek. “I know I fucked up but I can’t go on without you, I just can't.”

“Well you have, countless times while I was left in the dark wondering if I had done something wrong, crying myself to sleep when I couldn’t get a hold of you, Lando, and in the meantime you were with her.”

“I’m sorry-”

“And you have the nerve to say all that shit to me, acting like I was suffocating you when in reality I was trying to save us!” You pushed him away.

“I’m so sorry.”

“No, you’re not.”

“Y/N, I’m sorry, please let’s talk about it.”

“Fine, let’s talk about it. Was she worth it?” He shook his head, ready to leave his pride behind as he kneeled in front of you and grabbed one of your hands. “What are you doing? Stop.”

“I promise it was an accident, it won’t happen again.”

“An accident? Lando, are you hearing yourself right now?”

“Please, don’t let me go." The grip on your hand tightened, pulling you closer to him.

“Isn’t that what you wanted?” 

“No. I don’t want anyone else, I want you, Y/N”

“You don’t have to worry about me anymore.”

“But everything I said... I meant it, I love you Y/N and every second we’ve been together has meant everything to me. Baby, you have to understand.”

“Liar.”

“I’m not lying, you know I’m not." You pushed his hand away, rolling your eyes when another tear rolled down his face. “I know I don’t deserve it but please... just one more chance and I can fix this.”

“Give you a chance? I gave you a chance when I believed your excuses, when I forgave you for cancelling every date we had planned, when I tried to understand why you locked me out, and when I almost forgave you for forgetting our anniversary, I gave you so many fucking chances!”

“But I swear it wasn’t like that, she meant nothing.”

“You’re unbelievable… god, what are you saying?”

“Just think about how great we are together,” he said, trying to hold your torso, but once again you stopped him. 

“Lando, stop that.”

“We’re a great team, aren’t we? We understand each other so well, we know each other better than anyone else, god, I’ll do anything, I swear.”

“No, it’s not gonna work.”

“Yes it will, and I’ll make sure of that.”

“No.” You were having a hard time blocking out how much love you still had for him, but you weren’t forgiving him; there was no way.

“I swear I don’t want anyone else." He held your hands and started kissing them, his lips giving you a sense of home that you missed. "Y/N, please, I love you.” 

You nodded weakly as you started crying again.

“You know I love you and I would do anything for you." He continued kissing you, a few tears falling on your hands. “Do you still love me?”

“I love you... Lan-” You released one of your hands from his grip, squeezing your eyes shut and covering your face.

“See? It will work, we will make it work." You shook your head; you were feeling stupid for almost falling for that. "Baby, look at me, it’s going to be okay, I promise.”

A moment of silence fell into the room as you collected your thoughts again, and he just looked at you hopeful that he could get you back. “Who is she?” You dared to repeat the question as you looked at him again.

He didn’t say anything for a few seconds, his voice barely above a whisper when he finally answered. "Annie.”

Annie, your flatmate Annie. She had never met Lando before you, and she wasn’t interested in who he was when you first told her you started dating him, so you were the reason they knew each other for all those times he picked you up from your place, and even then you never considered them to be friends; they barely exchanged any words when they ran into each other. You felt betrayed on a whole new level, not only by Lando but by her too. You had lived with her for so long, literally since the day you moved to Monaco, so you thought of her as one of your closest friends; how could she do that? And these past weeks, when she had been mourning your relationship with Lando, she was there the whole time, and she knew exactly what was happening.

“How long?”

You were getting annoyed at how long it was taking him to answer your simple questions. “The day we went to meet my parents... I drove to your apartment to pick you up, but you weren’t there yet.”

“So you did it at my place?” It wasn’t really a question, and you felt even more disgusted at the thought of them in your own home.

“It was one moment of weakness.”

“One moment of weakness?” He nodded, his hands now holding on to your hips. “But it didn't stop there, did it?”

“I’m sorry.”

You swiped the tears away as you prepared to ask the question you had been asking yourself for weeks. “What does she give you that I can't?”

Lando shook his head quickly. “Nothing, you’re everything I could ever ask for.”

“Then why did you do that?”

He didn’t have an answer; he didn’t really know how it happened or why it kept going, but he couldn’t deny he was enjoying it before he got caught. “I don’t know." He whispered.

“Do you love her?”

“No, of course not. I love you." He was holding you tighter, convinced that if he held you long enough, you would want to stay.

“Oh my god, I’m so stupid.”

“You know it didn’t mean anything, it was a mistake-”

“Get your hands off me, I’m leaving,” you said as you tried to free yourself.

“Baby, please don’t leave, you have to hear me out.”

“Lando, let go. I don’t wanna be here." Your words struggled to come out from how much you were crying. 

“Please don’t, I don’t wanna let you go." He looked up at you, his eyes begging for forgiveness. “Let’s just talk about it, yeah? Let me explain.”

“Save it, Lando, it’s over.” 

“I’m sorry, I won’t do it again. This is obviously my fault, so I’ll do whatever it takes to get you to stay, just please, one more chance is all I’m asking for.” You finally freed yourself, and your only goal was to go back to your apartment and cry all your pain away. You turned around and headed to the door; his hand tried to come to stop you, but you flinched away. You couldn’t bear to hear another word from him. "Baby, please, I love you.”

You turned around to face him one last time, spotting Lando still on his knees in the middle of his living room. “So you’ve said, but how can you hurt someone you claim to love so much?” He was about to say something, but you didn’t wanna hear it. “There’s nothing you can do to get me to stay, you threw everything away.”

“I know, my love, but-”

“I’m gonna leave and you’re gonna stay here, just… leave me alone, I don’t ever wanna see you again.”

You exited the room, leaving Lando alone and a complete mess. He regretted what he did, and he wanted to think that if you would just give him a chance to explain himself, you’d forgive him. But he knew that would never be the case and that his mistake was bigger than any apology; you were right to leave him.

He stared at the door for too long, taking in every emotion he was feeling: remorse, anger, pain, agony... he just felt like life was being sucked out of his body because he ruined the most important part of it, and there’s no one to blame but himself.

[sleepingdiaryzzz]

hold on,hold on,Yandere!Conner Kent x reader🙏🏻

(sorry for bothering😭)

U ain't a bother and if anybody tells you that u do, then, they gonna face my pinky, my thumb and my fist they gonna run. 😼🐺🧏🏽‍♀️ nobody messes with my first ever anon 😠👊

Anyways

The night has fallen quietly over Metropolis, the cityscape softened under a blanket of stars. The world feels smaller somehow, contained within the walls of your apartment where Connor sits, angled slightly toward you, his gaze unwavering yet serene. He has that brooding, intense look—a mix of steel and tenderness—that you’ve come to recognize as uniquely his. It’s as though he’s carrying a burden, one he won’t let you see, and yet you feel its weight as if he’s drawn you into his orbit without permission.

“Connor,” you say softly, trying to break the quiet, “you’ve been… around a lot more lately.”

His eyes flicker, something shadowy dancing behind them, a vulnerability he usually keeps hidden. He doesn’t answer right away, just lets his gaze travel over your features as if memorizing every detail. The room feels charged, the air between you like the fine thread of a spider’s web—delicate and unbreakable all at once.

Finally, he speaks, his voice hushed but firm. “I just want to make sure you’re safe. Is that so wrong?”

There’s a faint, haunting cadence in his words, something raw and possessive yet laced with an almost tragic reverence. You feel the intensity radiating off him, a barely restrained storm beneath his calm exterior.

“Nothing could happen to you,” he continues, almost to himself. “Not on my watch. I’d make sure of that.”

You’ve always known Connor’s protectiveness runs deep, but tonight, it feels like there’s something else lurking beneath the surface. An edge, a quiet desperation that clings to the room, thick as fog.

“Connor…” you say his name with a gentle tone, hoping it might pull him out of whatever dark place he’s retreating into. He’s so close now, leaning forward, his hand reaching out as if compelled by some invisible force. When his fingers graze your cheek, his touch is featherlight, as though he fears you’ll vanish.

“If I could keep you here,” he whispers, his tone taking on a dreamy, almost poetic quality, “locked away from the world… I would. Not because I want to take anything from you, but because I… I couldn’t bear it if anything happened to you.”

It’s a confession wrapped in longing, and you see the truth of it in his eyes, where constellations seem to burn just for you. There’s something about his gaze that feels eternal, as if the universe itself has handed him the task of guarding you.

“You mean a lot to me,” he says finally, each word slow and deliberate, as though he’s trying to etch them into your soul. “More than you know.”

In that moment, his love feels like an uncharted ocean—beautiful and terrifying, with depths you’re not sure you’re ready to explore. But his sincerity anchors you, and, despite the intensity of his words, you can’t help feeling safe, cocooned in the quiet power of his devotion.

(A/n: is it just me or do you guys also feel suspicious of how I could post every day despite saying I'm too lazy to do so... Maybe my laziness hasn't kicked in yet which is weird and scary considering I'm writing dis rn in front of my 10 homework activities, and yes I am doing it last minute but so what...? I'm too lazy to do all of em and rn I'm don't know what I am talking about... I love yapping but I'm a introvert does it make me a extrovert when i talk too much but not as loud? Guys I'm turning crazy, I need someone to talk to and all my best friends are busy idk why they've been busy since last week....my gf is not replying for like 20 minutes now...im going crazy. Also sorry for spamming the Batfamily tag even though it's not the content I posted, I just feel like it's more famous than the others and also idk how to tag... Though mainly because I'm scared of being a flop hehe...)

[l4ndoflove]

mv33 and 24

why'd you only call me when you're high?

feat. max verstappen

lyrics you get high, call max, spend the night with him: that’s what you both agreed to—nothing more. unless...

maddie reader is the toxic one in this??? what happened to sweet old yn???

1435 words

The violent screen light cut through the darkness of the street when you unlocked your phone, the numbers 03:08 burning bright behind your eyelids as you squinted at them like they’d personally offended you.

You knew it was late. Or early, depending on the point of view.

But you also knew it wouldn’t take him long to reply, so you searched for his contact and started the call with no regrets whatsoever.

It rang once, twice–

“Schat?”

Just as you thought.

“Hi Maxie,” you giggled, the slurred nickname rolling off your tongue with ease. “I missed you.”

You left the words hanging heavy in the air, waiting for him to take the bait like a lioness ambushing her prey.

He sighed, and you could almost picture him running a hand over his face, tired—not because of the ungodly hour, but because of you.

You and your little game of cat and mouse, a game he knew he couldn’t win, but he just kept playing regardless because he enjoyed losing to you way too much.

“You’re high.”

It wasn’t a question. Why ask if he knew perfectly well you only called him when you were?

“A little,” you shrugged like it was no big deal, tripping over your own feet a second later. “I’m coming over.”

Again, not a question. You didn’t need his permission: that’s not how things worked between the two of you.

“I don’t think–”

“You don’t have to, baby,” you cut him off sweetly. “Just leave the door open for me, ’kay?”

He did. Of course he did.

When you finally stumbled in the hallway in front of his apartment, floor and ceiling dancing furiously before your eyes, all you had to do was push, and the handle immediately gave in under your dead weight.

You kicked off your heels in the entrance like you owned the place, walking straight up to the living room with a lot more confidence than someone who looked like she’d just went to hell and back should’ve had.

Max was there, pacing the room like a caged animal—loose pants low on his hips, no shirt.

Perfect.

He stopped in his tracks as soon as he heard the velvety pad of your thigh highs skimming across the pavement, turning around just in time for you to throw your arms around his neck and pull him down into a kiss so intense it made your head spin even more.

The warmth of his lips against yours was intoxicating—a different kind of drug from the one that clouded your senses and helped you get rid of your thoughts one puff of smoke after the other. It was grounding, the only thing that anchored you to this world when everything else kept slipping from your grasp.

Only this time—he did, too.

The loss of contact was so brutal that you almost toppled forward when he moved back, your mouth desperately chasing his as if you needed it to breathe.

“Max, come on,” you whined, hands already making their way back to his chest, “don’t be difficult. I want you.” You didn’t care about how pathetic that might sound because it was also embarrassingly true.

“No.”

He didn’t touch you, putting some distance between you instead, but that single word left a stinging sensation so vivid on your skin that you could’ve sworn he’d hit you.

“No?” You laughed in disbelief. “What the fuck does that mean?”

“It means we’re not doing anything tonight.”

“Yeah, sure,” you scoffed, sneering, though you could feel the weight of something ugly slowly starting to settle in your chest.

“I’m serious. You’re too high for this.”

There it was.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that was a problem the last fifty times I was,” you raised your voice, the weed in your system dangerously amplifying your growing anger.

“It was a problem,” he groaned, “I just–”

“What, you developed a conscience overnight? You don’t want to fuck me anymore because I’m stoned and you suddenly feel sorry for me?”

He took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of his nose like he was trying—and failing—to get rid of a piercing headache.

You didn’t like that.

“Can you not… talk like this?”

The condescending tone of his question sounded awfully close to the one someone would use to deal with a spoiled child.

You didn’t like that either.

“Please, I thought you were used to people treating you like shit,” you rolled your eyes at him, swaying a dismissive hand in his direction.

He caught it.

“You’re the one treating yourself like shit, and I need you to stop it.”

“Gee, Max, what’s gotten into you?” you forced out a laugh as you averted your gaze, the intensity of his far more unsettling than the lustful, almost predatory look you were used to. “You’re acting like you’re in love with me or something.”

It was supposed to be a joke.

It was supposed to be funny.

Max Verstappen caring about someone like you?

Hilarious.

So why didn’t he laugh?

Why was he staring at you like–

“No,” you spit out the way he had a few minutes before, reading in his eyes what his mouth had been too slow to tell you.

“Yes.”

Three letters. That’s all it took for the house of cards you’d built around yourself to crumble.

“You don’t love me, Max.” Your tone was firm, pitiful even, as if you hoped that hearing you say those words out loud would help him realize just how absurd they sounded.

Or at least trick him into thinking they did.

“Yes, I d–”

“That’s bullshit. You love feeling needed, you love all the attention I give you and how easy I am for you, you love having me in your bed every night—you don’t love me.”

“No, this is what you convinced yourself to believe. And you want to know why? Because you’re scared.”

“I’m not scared, Max, I’m pissed. We agreed to no strings attached sex, and now you’re busting out a fucking love confession like it wasn’t the first thing I told you I didn’t need.”

Your voice cracked toward the end of the sentence, and you hated yourself for it.

But what you hated even more was how you couldn’t stop the tears already clouding your vision to start streaming down your cheeks, the dam behind your eyelids suddenly breaking.

You wanted to wipe them away, remove all evidence of their existence, but Max’s fingers were still wrapped tightly around one of your wrists—or was it your throat?

“Let me go,” you said, voice stern but shaky as you tugged back your hand.

“Why? So you can run away and keep pretending like this means nothing to you?”

“It doesn’t! God, Max, what’s so hard to understand? It doesn’t mean anything to me!” You emphasized the word by hitting him square in the chest with your free palm, part trying to push him away, part just because you wanted to hurt him.

“This,” you added, showing off the half smoked joint you still had in the pocket of your hoodie, “is what your love is made of. The version of me that wants you doesn’t exist—it’s all in here,” you laughed, bitter and cruel, throwing it at him.

He didn’t flinch. Didn’t yell. Just raised the hand he wasn’t holding you with and moved a lock of hair out of your face.

Your reaction was immediate.

“Don’t touch me,” you jumped, slapping his fingers away like they’d burned you.

Which was weird because you’d gone all the way there and begged him to do just that.

“You ruined everything,” you sobbed, your fist landing against his bare skin over and over again as he pulled you even closer—too close. “It was so simple, and you fucked it all up.”

You cried, fought, screamed, your curses muffled in the crook of his neck as you blamed him for something he couldn’t control.

And he let you.

He held you through every second of it, his arms caging you in like you were both a frail creature to protect and a wild animal to lock up.

“I hate you,” you breathed out at last, completely drained from the drug, your outburst—him.

Max didn’t say anything at first, and for one insane, wishful moment you thought he would finally give up.

But then he whispered, “You don’t hate me, schat. You hate not being able to love yourself the way I do.”

And that broke you a little more.

© 2025 l4ndoflove. all rights reserved.

[twlgholts]

always kind of was, j.b.

chapter five, full moon

— jacob black x f. reader

a/n: i have’t been able to stop writing LOL im having too much fun. especially loved writing the pack n leah (leah apologist forever sorry not sorry)

prev. series masterlist! next.

You have always loved Jacob Black.

But Jacob Black has always loved you.

Since the moment he met you, he knew. You were it. The one. And his crush on you? It was never really a secret. Everyone knew.

Billy knew first–long before Jacob even figured it out himself. He saw it in the little things: the way Jake would bolt for the first aid kit whenever you got a papercut, how he gave you the last bite of his sandwich even when he was still starving, and how he made a fool of himself dancing and singing off-key just to hear your laugh.

Billy rooted for you both in his own quiet way. He was there through everything–the good and the heartbreak. He noticed the way Jake flopped onto his bed and kicked his feet in the air like a kid after seeing you, saw the corner of his mattress cluttered with balled-up tissues from the day you told him you were moving to the few months that passed after you were gone.

He was never afraid to share his feelings with his dad, but this–this part of him, the part that loved you–was different. It felt too raw, too big. Too real.

Jacob Black was brave. Braver than most. He adapted to his phasing and new lifestyle faster than anyone expected. He faced monsters–real ones–without hesitation.

But losing you? That was what scared him.

And when you left, when the two of you went from inseparable to one hundred fifty miles apart, it almost broke him. Any further and he was sure he would’ve snapped. It was like some part of him had been ripped out and he didn’t know how to get it back.

Then you came.

The moment you walked down the hallway and looked at him for the first time in over a year, he felt everything crash over him like a tidal wave. His arms ached to you again. But when your eyes met–just for that moment–every system in his body misfired. Then lit up. Then misfired again.

And then he imprinted.

On you.

It wasn’t supposed to be like that. He thought he was prepared, thought he understood what imprinting meant. He didn’t expect it to be you. He didn’t even think it could be you. But he didn’t want it to be anyone else because no one else was you.

You had always been his everything. Now, you were his everything and nothing at the same time.

He needed you in ways he didn’t understand. He needed to see you. Hear your laugh. Feel your presence. It was all-consuming. Steady. Terrifying.

So he didn’t tell you.

He acted normal–or tried to. Even when everything inside him felt like it was shifting again, he thought keeping the truth from you was the right thing to do–at least for now. That keeping you away from the supernatural part of his life was protecting you. But maybe it was just protecting himself.

Things in Forks had been quiet lately, which was the only reason he had so much time to spend with you. But tonight? Patrol had picked up again and it seemed it would for the next couple days. Now, he’s rushing through the trees, pounding the damp earth beneath him as he shifts back and heads towards Emily’s.

You’re still on his mind. Always.

The porch light is glowing softly when he reaches the house. He opens the door and steps inside, shaking the cold from his limbs.

“How was patrol?” Emily calls from the kitchen.

“Quiet. Easy,” Jacob replies, a little breathless. He snatches a muffin from the counter and drops into a chair, stretching out his legs. “Need help?” he asks with a grin, even though he already knows the answer.

Emily gives him a look. “Not from you. Trying to avoid setting this place on fire tonight.”

He laughs around a mouthful of muffin as the rest of the pack filters in–wet footprints, muffled voices, and the usual chaos.

Paul groans and throws himself on the couch. “Dude. If I have to hear your inner monologue about her one more time–”

“You could phase out, you know,” Jacob mutters.

“I did. For like, five minutes. You were still thinking about her. Constantly.” Paul throws an arm over his face. “I swear, it’s like background noise now. Vampire, trees, squirrels, Jacob, Jacob, Jacob, her. Her smile. Her laugh. Her socks.”

“They were mismatched,” Jacob mumbles.

Embry chuckles. “He’s got it bad, bad.”

Leah, who’s been leaning against the doorframe with her arms crossed, raises an eyebrow. “Honestly? He’s been more himself with her back than he’s been in months.”

That quiets the room for a beat.

“Dinner’s ready!” Emily called out, cutting through the low murmur of post-patrol silence.

Instantly, the kitchen erupted into chaos—the shuffle of chairs, the scraping of plates, the bickering and teasing as the pack surged toward the table. Except Jacob. He stayed quiet, eyes down, mechanically loading his plate but barely tasting anything.

After dinner, everyone filtered out in different directions—Paul and Jared arguing over something dumb, Embry stealing another muffin on his way out, Quil making a joke about Sam’s “dad voice” before disappearing into the trees. Jacob lingered, collecting plates and stacking them neatly. Emily gave him a small, grateful smile as she took them from his hands.

“Thanks, Jake. You’ve got good manners for a wolf,” she teased gently, patting his back. “Go get some air.”

He gave her a nod and slipped outside.

The porch was quiet, soaked in moonlight. Sam was already out there, leaning against the railing, arms folded across his chest, eyes cast up at the sky like he was waiting for something.

A full moon. Ironic.

He hesitated for a second before walking over. They weren’t close—not like he was with Embry or Quil. For a long time, Jacob resented Sam. Thought he was a cult leader. Thought he stole his friends. But then Jacob phased and he started to understand. Started to see Sam in a different light. Maybe not a friend, but something like a quiet leader who carried more weight than he let anyone see.

Jake stood beside him without a word. The air was crisp, the breeze soft. Cicadas buzzed in the dark, their song a low, steady hum.

Sam spoke without looking at him. “You know, when I first phased I thought I was losing my mind.”

Jacob didn’t say anything, but he listened.

“I was the only one then. No one to talk to about it. No one to warn me. I thought I was broken,” Sam continued, his voice low. “Eventually I got a handle on it. But then I imprinted. And that was harder.”

Jake’s brow furrowed, eyes flickering on him. “On Emily.”

Sam nodded. “Yeah. On Emily.”

He let the silence stretch.

“I was still with Leah,” he said, voice heavier now. “And I loved her. I really did. But imprinting doesn’t ask permission. It doesn’t care about timing. Or history. Or who gets hurt.”

Jacob looked away, jaw tight. He’d heard the story before—but hearing Sam admit it, here, in the quiet, made it more real somehow.

“I fought it. Every day. For a long time,” Sam said. “Because how do you look someone in the eye—someone you hurt—and tell them it wasn’t your choice? That your heart doesn’t belong to you anymore?”

Jacob swallowed. “Do you regret it?”

Sam finally looked at him. “No. I love Emily with everything I have, but the pain it caused? I’ll always carry that.”

Jacob was quiet for a beat. Then he muttered, “I don’t feel guilty.”

Sam tilted his head, waiting.

“I’m just… scared,” Jacob admitted, voice rough. “It’s not just a crush anymore. It’s like—she’s in my blood now. Every second I’m not with her feels wrong. Like my skin doesn’t fit. But I don’t want her to feel like she doesn’t have a choice. I want her to pick me. Not because of some supernatural magic, but because she wants to.”

“That’s the thing about imprinting,” Sam said, thoughtful. “It doesn’t erase your personality. It doesn’t make you perfect. It just binds you. Makes your soul certain, even when your head is a mess.”

Jacob let out a short breath. “My head’s more than a mess.”

Sam cracked a small smile. “Yeah. I know that feeling.”

Suddenly, the screen door creaked behind them.

“Okay, seriously?” Paul’s voice rang out. “Can you two stop brooding out here. Some of us are still getting hit with your feelings at full blast, and it’s starting to mess with my appetite.”

Jacob groaned. “You eavesdropping?”

“We’re psychically linked, not eavesdroppers, genius,” Paul shot back, walking out onto the porch. He looked at Jacob, crossing his arms. “She likes you. Seriously. It’s kind of gross how cute it is.”

Jacob looked down, shoulders tense. “You don’t know that.”

“Okay, Romeo. She texts you first. She looks at you like you’re the sun. And you think we can’t tell? You’ve been howling about her in your head for weeks. Every little thought you have about her since you phased. I swear it’s like being trapped in a Nicholas Sparks movie.”

Quil leaned out the door behind Paul, muffin in hand. “He’s right dude. She’s into you. She always has been.”

Embry’s voice drifted from inside. “We’ve been placing bets. I said you’d crack by next week. Paul’s got Thursday.”

Jacob buried his face in his hands, groaning. “You guys are the worst.”

Sam laughed quietly and clapped him on the shoulder. “They’re not wrong. I got Sunday.”

Jacob didn’t reply, but his heart beat a little louder in his chest.

He still wouldn’t tell you. Not yet. But he was thinking about you. And the thought of you thinking about him too? That scared him more than anything else because it meant hope.

And hope, for Jacob Black, was the most dangerous thing of all.

[sprinkler-ashes]

guilty as sin? // aaron hotchner x reader

guilty as sin?

aaron hotchner x fem!reader

words: 3.9k

warnings: pining, longing, a bit of angst, jealous hotch, slight language, povs switching back and forth because i couldn’t focus on just one sorry

description: in which you can't have the one person that you want. inspired by guilty as sin? by taylor swift.

a/n: whoops i am so sorry about disappearing for so long. basically i’ve been studying abroad and while getting to travel the world has been the best thing that’s ever happened to me, i'm so excited to be back with time to write! hope you guys like this one (and it’s holiday themed #sleigh) lmk if you want a part 2 and i might do it

messy top lip kiss

how i long for our trysts

without ever touching his skin

how can i be guilty as sin?

Aaron Hotchner can’t remember the last time, or if ever, he’s hated someone that he's never met before.

The BAU's annual Christmas party was in full swing, the atmosphere alive with laughter and the soft hum of holiday classics playing in the background – thanks to JJ’s playlist. Glittering, colorful lights and festive garlands adorned the room, and a tall, magnificent tree stood proudly in the corner, its ornaments catching the light. 

Penelope was right – no one could decorate for the holidays like she could.

Aaron stood at the far end of the room, a glass in hand, his eyes scanning the crowd. His team looked relaxed, their usual burdens temporarily lifted by the party that he had sworn he wasn’t coming to this year. 

It had been a tough year – every year was tough, but this one especially considering the ordeal of Emily faking her death and coming back. It had taken a toll on everyone. 

However, despite the pretty decorations that he knew Penelope had put hours into putting up, his focus remained focused on someone across the room.

You.

You looked stunning tonight wearing a deep emerald dress, your smile so blinding that it put Penelope’s decorations to shame. But it wasn’t just your beauty that held his attention.

 It was the man standing beside you, his hand resting a little too low for Aaron’s liking on your back as he leaned in to whisper something that made you flash a smile.

The man you’d brought as your date.

Aaron had been eyeing him all night. He was in a perfectly fitted suit with a tie that matched the color of your dress. He'd heard from JJ that the man was a lawyer that you had been set up with by one of your friends from college. Apparently, it wasn’t serious yet, and the two of you had only been on a few dates.

Not that he cared that much. And not that he nonchalantly asked JJ or anything.

Aaron’s jaw tightened as he took another sip of his drink, the liquid doing little to calm the feeling inside him. He had no right to feel this way, he reminded himself. You were his colleague, part of his team – he was your boss – and yet he couldn’t stop the wave of jealousy that surged through him every time your date leaned closer or when you laughed at something he said.

“You’re going to crack that glass if you keep holding it like that,” Rossi’s voice broke through his thoughts. He turned to find his friend’s knowing smirk, his wine glass tilted slightly as if in toast to Aaron’s predicament.

Aaron stiffened, his composure faltering for just a moment before he shook his head. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh, come on,” Rossi said, rolling his eyes. “You’re oozing jealousy. It’s almost painful to watch.”

“I’m fine,” Aaron replied, loosening his grip on the glass. His tone was clipped, but Rossi wasn’t easily fooled. There was no use in trying to lie to one of his closest friends, but Aaron attempted to regardless.

“You’ve been staring at her all night,” Rossi said. “You might want to rein it in before someone else notices. Need I remind you that you’re in a room full of experienced profilers?”

Aaron said nothing as his gaze shifted back to you. Your date was gesturing animatedly, and you were nodding along, a genuine smile lighting up your face. It should have made him feel relieved to see you enjoying yourself after the traumatic year that you had been through but instead, it twisted something deep inside him.

“She seems happy,” Rossi observed, his voice softer now. “It’s good to see her smile. She’s been through a lot this year. We all have.”

Aaron didn’t respond immediately. He thought the pit in his stomach couldn’t go any deeper, but it did. His grip on the glass relaxed, but the knife in his chest didn’t ease. 

“Yeah,” he finally said, though the words felt distant, like someone was possessing him and speaking for him. “She took the Prentiss situation hard.”

You and Emily Prentiss were attached at the hip. There had never been two people who immediately matched each other’s energy more than you and Emily from the second that you joined the team. When Emily faked her death, you had been devastated. It caused you a lot of time in therapy and an even longer amount of time to accept the fact that she really wasn’t dead.

So, in short, yes, it was good to see you happy.

Aaron just wished that it was him making you happy instead.

“You can talk to her, you know,” Rossi told him. “She doesn’t bite.” Before he could respond, Rossi was pulling at his arm to follow him.

“What the hell are you doing?” Aaron muttered underneath his breath.

Rossi rolled his eyes. “Can you relax? You’re acting like an angsty teenager. We’re just going to go say hello.”

Your smile brightened at the sight of Rossi, and it lit up even more as your eyes moved to find Aaron’s.

“Sorry to interrupt,” Rossi said, but both him and Aaron knew that he was not sorry at all, “but I had to come to see how our star agent is doing this evening.”

You smiled at the compliment. “Oh, Rossi, stop it.”

He shook his head and looked at your date. “It’s only her second year here with us, and she’s almost as good as me.”

“Okay, now you’re just lying.”

Aaron’s eye finally caught yours, and he could’ve almost sworn that your breath caught in your throat, but he was probably just seeing things. You tossed him a small smile – one that made his chest tighten.

Rossi raised his hands in surrender. “I would never,” he said with a grin. He turned to your date. “Aren’t you going to introduce us?”

You cleared your throat in preparation to do introductions, but your date beat you to it. “Agent Rossi, right?”

Your date shook hands with Rossi as he introduced himself.

“And Agent Hotchner, correct?” He turned to Aaron and put out his hand. “It’s great to finally meet you. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

The tension between the two men was palpable, though your date seemed oblivious to it. Maybe it was just one-sided.

“Good things, I hope?” Aaron attempted a joke, much unlike himself.

Your date laughed. “Really good things – don’t worry. She thinks very highly of you. She’s always talking about you.”

You laughed awkwardly while Rossi attempted to hide a smirk behind his wine glass. Aaron, on the other hand, thought he was going to have a heart attack.

Thinks very highly of you.

She’s always talking about you.

“I think very highly of her as well,” Aaron said, trying to keep his voice at bay. “She’s an excellent agent.”

He locked eyes with you, and he knew he wasn’t imagining the way your breath hitched this time. You kept opening and closing your mouth like you wanted to say something to him, but no words ever came. Instead, you brought your drink to your lips and looked away.

Rossi, seeing the interaction that just played out in front of him, swooped in to help. “Well, it’s great to meet you.”

Your date, oblivious, nodded. “It really is. She’s been telling me how much she enjoys working with all of you. Sounds like a great team and sounds like you all are pretty close.”

“We are,” Rossi said smoothly, his voice warm but his eyes calculating as he watched Aaron out of the corner of his eye. “It’s not every day she brings someone to a work event. You must be quite the catch.”

Aaron was going to kill him.

You opened your mouth to interject, but your date beat you to it. “Well, I don’t know about that, but I like to think I’m lucky to have met her. We’ve had fun.”

“How did you two meet?” Rossi asked. It was a genuine question on his part.

“We were introduced by a mutual friend,” he explained. “It was kind of a blind date, but it worked out pretty well.”

Aaron’s grip on his glass tightened even more, and he hoped you didn’t notice how his jaw clenched for just a fraction of a second.

“Well,” Rossi said, breaking the tension, “it’s always nice to see someone who recognizes what they’ve got. Right, Aaron?”

Aaron’s gaze flicked to Rossi, his expression carefully neutral. “Absolutely,” he said, his voice steady but devoid of emotion. Then his eyes shifted to you, softening just enough to make your heart stutter. “She deserves the best.”

The weight of his words hung heavily between you, and for a moment, the room, the background chatter, and the bright lights seemed to fade away.

It was just the two of you, caught in a silent conversation that spoke volumes. You wanted to reach out – to say something, but you couldn’t as your date’s arm moved around to your waist, grounding you in the reality of the moment.

You had come here with someone. It wasn’t fair to him for you to be thinking about your boss in a not-very-appropriate way.

“Well, we should probably mingle,” he said cheerfully, oblivious to the tension swirling around him. He glanced at you with a warm smile. “Ready?”

You nodded, your smile feeling strained. “Yeah, let’s go.”

As he led you away, you glanced back over your shoulder, your eyes meeting Aaron’s one last time. Your expression was unreadable, but the emotion in your eyes was evident. It was an unspoken feeling that stayed with you both long after you turned away – a reminder of everything the two of you couldn’t say to each other and everything you couldn’t have.

Rossi watched Aaron carefully as the two of you disappeared into the crowd. “Before you say anything, I was testing to see how serious it is between them. You need to do something about this before it eats you alive,” he said, his tone devoid of his usual teasing.

Aaron didn’t respond, his gaze fixed on the spot where you had been standing. After a long moment, he downed the rest of his drink and turned to Rossi. “You shouldn’t have done that. Some things are better left alone. It would never work out anyways.”

Rossi shook his head, a hint of sadness on his aged face. “You don’t know that unless you actually try.”

Aaron didn’t reply while Rossi clapped a hand on his shoulder and walked away, but the set of his shoulders and the tension in his jaw spoke volumes. The holiday lights around the room glowed softly, a contrast to the storm of emotions swirling inside him.

Maybe he should’ve said something to you. Not just tonight, but before it turned into the mess that it had become.

You and Aaron had been working together for two years. You’d started not long before Haley died. He wasn’t sure what it was about you that made him forget how to speak, but there had never been a moment since he met you that he wasn’t completely and utterly mesmerized just by your mere presence.

It wasn’t just him that adored you. The whole team did – you were exactly what they needed. Rossi hadn’t been lying earlier because it was true: you were excellent at your job, but you were also kind, understanding, and empathetic – something Aaron felt like he lacked at times.

He knew you felt it. Whatever was going on between the two of you – it wasn’t just something one-sided that he had made up in his head. It didn’t take a profiler to figure out that you both had feelings for one another because anyone with eyes could tell.

Except your date, apparently.

Aaron would like to have said he didn’t know why the two of you had never brought it up, but he would be lying if he said that. 

A relationship with his subordinate would be a field day for Strauss. Logically, he wasn’t sure if it would ever work out as long as both of you were still working with the BAU, and if it would never work out, what was the point of even talking about it?

At the end of the day, Aaron was as professional as they come. He would never act upon anything with a risk of you losing your job over it.

These were the thoughts swirling around Aaron’s brain as he decided to step outside for some air, coming to the conclusion that he needed a moment to breathe and get out of the stuffy room.

To avoid drawing attention to his exit, he briskly left the room by taking the stairs rather than the elevator and made his way down and outside of the building.

As the cold December air hit his face as he sat down on one of the benches, Aaron knew with certainty that he had to get over the way he felt about you. It was evident that the man you came with was a good person, and he needed to shut down whatever unspoken attraction you had for each other.

“Was it overwhelming in there for you, too?”

Hotch whipped his head around at the sound of your voice to find you walking towards him, still in your dress but wearing your winter coat, your hands stuffed in the pockets. There was no evidence on your face of how you were feeling as you sat down beside him. You weren’t close enough for your leg to be touching his, but close enough that if he moved even the slightest inch, it would be.

He tried not to think about that.

“Hot, stuffy, and too many people,” he said as he tugged on his tie, hoping that loosening it up would help him breathe easier around you.

You laughed. “I love Penelope’s enthusiasm, but did she really have to invite what feels like the entirety of Quantico to this party? I would’ve been fine with the team just getting dinner or something. I don’t know, like, over half of the people in there. I think she just sent out a mass invite to the entire FBI. Speaking of that, what were your thoughts on the e-vite?”

“I didn’t know that many shades of pink existed,” Aaron said, fully serious.

Another laugh escaped you, this one much more prominent. You looked so pretty that he couldn’t help but crack a rare smile – something that actually wasn’t that rare around you.

A comfortable silence grew between Aaron and you. He knew he shouldn’t, but he couldn’t stop the words from tumbling out of his mouth.

“Your date seems nice.”

He glanced over at you as you raised an eyebrow up at him. You didn’t say anything.

“What?” He asked in response to your silence.

“You can be honest.”

Aaron frowned. “I am being honest. He was,” Aaron paused, trying to find the right word, charming.”

You chuckled. “So you’ve been glaring at him all night because he’s charming?”

That caught him off guard. “I wasn’t glaring.”

“Hotch, I think you forget that I’m also a profiler,” you retorted, “and a damn good one. You don’t have to lie to me if you don’t like him.”

He frowned. “Why do you care what I think of him?”

This time, you were the one that was caught off guard. You pursed your lips together in concentration, trying to think of what to say to Aaron.

“I value your opinion.”

Aaron nodded. “Because you think very highly of me?”

You turned away from him with a playful eye roll, a tinge of embarrassment running through your veins as you remembered your date telling your boss right in front of you that you talk about him all the time. In your defense, you wouldn’t say that you talked about Aaron all the time.

Okay, maybe seventy-five percent of the time, but you couldn’t help it.

Aaron Hotchner was charming, attentive, and a natural leader when it came to his job. He made everything look effortless. It was no wonder why you were immediately drawn to him right after meeting him.

You weren’t sure if you were ever not going to be drawn to him.

Your mind raced back to your date, who was still inside while you had told him that you needed some air. You grimaced, feeling guilty at the idea of him inside by himself while you were sitting on a bench with the man you actually wanted to be with.

But technically, you weren’t doing anything that you shouldn’t be. In fact, you weren’t even official with the guy – this was only the third time you had seen him and while you liked him as a person, you were planning on telling him that it wasn’t going to work out after tonight. 

You’d only agreed to your friend’s incessant request for a blind date in an attempt to get Aaron out of your head, and he was actually the one who offered to come to the party with you – not the other way around. He was a nice man who, in any other circumstance in which you had never met Aaron, you probably would’ve been head over heels for.

Both fortunately and unfortunately, you had met Aaron Hotchner.

“Well, if I recall correctly, you also said that you think highly of me.”

“I did say that. I do think highly of you. I’m not denying it,” he said before he quickly added, “I think highly of everyone on the team.”

Aaron wanted to kick himself after seeing how your face fell before you quickly replaced the disappointed look with a smile. “Yeah, it’s a good team to be a part of.”

He was trying to keep it together like the professional that he claimed to be. The comment was meant to be a neutral compliment, not hurt your feelings. Of course he thought highly of everyone on the team, but the way that he said it didn’t make the situation better.

You cleared your throat, knowing you had to go back to your date and stop digging yourself deeper into the situation you were already in. “I should get back inside.”

Aaron nodded, getting ready to stand up with you. “I should, too, before Garcia sends a search party to hunt me down.”

As the two of you got ready to stand, your eye flickered to his undone tie.

“Oh, your tie is undone,” you told him. 

He looked down at it and moved his hands to fix it, but you hesitated for a moment before you stopped him. “Let me,” you murmured.

You weren’t sure what had gotten into you, and you weren’t sure why your hands were now moving to your boss’s neck to fix his tie when he was perfectly capable of doing it himself. You’d just told yourself that you were going to go back inside, but there you were: your hands inching closer and closer to Aaron Hotchner’s body when you should’ve been going back inside.

Aaron froze, his breath hitching audibly as your fingers brushed the fabric, your knuckles ghosting his chest over top of his white button-up dress shirt. Slowly and carefully, you straightened the tie, your fingertips grazing the skin at the base of his throat as you finally slid the knot up to his collar. 

His pulse thrummed under your touch – it was rapid, unsteady, and unlike him – and you felt your own heart race in response to the close proximity.

It shouldn’t have felt the way that it did. You were fixing his tie. It wasn’t an act that was supposed to be intense, but it was. You didn’t want to be dramatic, but you were positive that fixing his tie was the most intimate act of your life.

Neither of you spoke as your hands moved. Aaron’s gaze bore into you, dark and heavy with something you couldn’t name, but you felt in every nerve and every inch of your body.

When you finished, your hands lingered, trembling slightly. Whether that was from the cold or from the moment with Aaron – you weren’t sure. 

His tie was perfectly fixed now, but you couldn’t bring yourself to get up off the bench and walk back inside. Your hands never moved – one holding his tie and the other resting against his neck. He lifted his hand, hovering near your leg as though he wanted to touch you, but he didn’t dare.

“Aaron,” you whispered, your voice barely audible over the sound of your pounding heart. Your eyes searched his, looking for a sign as to how he was feeling.

For him, his name on your lips was his undoing. You never called him Aaron – only ever Hotch.

 His hand moved to your hip before snaking it around to your lower back, your bodies now as impossibly close as they could on the bench. 

His grip was firm but tentative as he leaned in, his forehead nearly brushing yours as his other hand moved up and around to rest gently against the side of your face. The only audible sound in that moment was the sharp intakes of breath between the both of you

You didn’t know who moved first, but the distance between you disappeared. His nose grazed yours while you involuntarily closed your eyes. If you moved even the slightest inch, your lips would meet.

 His breath was warm against your lips in the winter air, and for a fleeting moment – a split, brief, delusional second – you thought he might kiss you.

But then, as if the weight of reality came crashing down, he pulled back. His hand dropped from your hip, his expression a mix of longing and regret as he avoided eye contact with you – something that he never did.

“We should go back inside,” he said, his voice strained as he moved to stand up.

You nodded, your throat too tight to speak and your hand still gripping his tie. Immediately, you pulled back and stood up quickly, the cold air rushing in to fill the space where his warmth had been.

As you made your way back inside, the tension between you and Aaron was undeniable and worse than it had ever been before. It was something neither of you could escape as you walked back up the stairs, not daring to come up in the elevator together.

You didn't look at him as you moved quickly to breeze past him on the staircase, afraid of what you might see in his eyes.

Or worse, what you might not see.

When you returned, the party was still in full swing, the lights and music still bright and loud. You didn’t have time to think about what had just happened before Spencer came up to you, rambling on about something that you couldn’t bring yourself to fully listen to.

 But as you rejoined the crowd and tried to be present in the conversation with Spencer, the memory of Aaron's touch on your body lingered. 

It was a silent reminder of everything you couldn’t have.

[jisungiesvzz]

Hii I absolutely loves ur fanfic!! Would u mind doing a jeongin version on unexpected?

I'm sorry this took so long to write! I’ve been having heavy workloads from school and I've also had writers block ugh. Anyways, I hope you enjoy :).

Crossing Lines

Idol!Jeongin x fem!reader

Warnings: kissing lessons, making out, neck kissing

Word Count: 2.7k

Author's Note: please let me know if I missed warnings, otherwise enjoy :)

Versions: Hyunjin // Han // Jeongin

—

The afternoon sun streams through Jeongin's apartment windows, casting golden hues across the living room. You sit cross-legged on the floor, a small velvet pouch between your fingers as you rummage through its contents.

"I still can't believe I forgot my jewelry," you sigh, carefully examining a silver chain with a small fox pendant. "You sure you don't mind me borrowing yours?"

Jeongin smiles from his position on the couch, phone in hand as he scrolls through his social media feed, hoping to run across a good hang out spot near you. "What's mine is yours, y/n. Three years of friendship earns you jewelry-borrowing privileges."

Giving him a soft smile, you hold up one of his earrings to the light, a simple silver hoop that catches the sunbeam and sparkles.

"It's scary how well you know me," you laugh, sorting through more pieces. "Like, you knew I'd forget something tonight."

"That's why I always keep extra stuff around for you," he replies, setting his phone down. "I am fully prepared for Hurricane Y/N."

You playfully throw a small cushion at him, which he catches effortlessly. You can't imagine your life without these little moments—the casual hang outs in his apartment, the inside jokes, the way he always seems to understand exactly what you need.

"Hey, remember that truth or dare game at Chan's party last week?" Jeongin suddenly asks, a tint of curiosity in his voice.

You groan, instantly knowing where this was heading. "Please, not this again."

"I'm just saying," he continues, sitting up straighter, "I was surprised when you said you've never been kissed. I mean, you're twenty-two!"

You feel your cheeks warm, lowering your voice to a near mumble. "So? Some people are late bloomers..."

"It's not a bad thing," Jeongin says quickly. "I just... I don't know, I just assumed you had."

You shrug, suddenly finding the jewelry in your hands incredibly fascinating. "I guess I've just never found the right person... or the right moment."

A weighted silence settles between you, unusual in its intensity. You can feel Jeongin's eyes on you, but you can't bring yourself to meet his gaze.

"I could teach you."

The words hang in the air, simple yet earth-shattering. Your head snaps up, certain you've misheard.

"Teach me what?"

Jeongin's expression is unreadable, a mix of nervousness and something else you can't quite place. "How to kiss. If you want."

You feel like the air has been sucked from the room. This is Jeongin—your best friend, the person who holds your hair back when you're sick and who can make you laugh until your sides hurt.

"That would be weird, wouldn't it?" you manage, your voice barely above a whisper.

He shrugs, attempting nonchalance though you can see the tips of his ears turning pink. "Only if we make it weird. It's just a skill, like teaching someone to drive or cook."

"A skill," you repeat skeptically.

"Yeah," he says, sliding down from the couch to sit across from you on the floor. "And then when you meet someone you actually want to kiss, you'll be ready."

You bite your lip, considering the possibility. The idea sends butterflies swarming through your stomach, but there's also a strange sense of... curiosity.

"Nothing would change between us?" you ask cautiously.

Jeongin shakes his head firmly. "Nothing. We're best friends first, always. This would just be me helping you out."

You take a deep breath. "Okay."

"Okay?" His eyebrows shoot up in surprise.

"Yes. Teach me." You confirm, your heart pounding through your chest.

Jeongin moves closer, his movements careful and deliberate. "So first, it helps if you face each other," he explains, his voice lower than usual.

You readjust your position, suddenly hyperaware of every inch of space between you and him. The jewelry laying forgotten on the floor beside you.

"Usually there's eye contact," he continues, and you force yourself to meet his gaze. His eyes—those familiar eyes you've looked into a thousand times—now seem different, deeper somehow.

You tried convincing yourself that it’s just kissing lessons but something about kissing him feels more intimate than it should.

"Then what?" you whisper.

"Then, one person usually leans in. Sometimes both." His hand comes up to gently brush a strand of hair from your face, and you feel your breath catch. "Sometimes there's touching. Like this."

His fingers trace a feather-light path along your jawline, coming to rest at the nape of your neck. The sensation sends shivers down your spine.

"And then?" Your voice is barely audible now.

Instead of answering, Jeongin leans forward, closing the distance between you. His lips press against yours, gentle and questioning. Your eyes flutter closed instinctively, your hand tentatively reaching up to rest on his shoulder.

The kiss is soft, a brief moment of connection that ends almost as quickly as it began. Jeongin pulls back slightly, his eyes searching yours.

"That's the basics," he says, his voice rough around the edges. "A simple first kiss."

You nod, unable to form words. Your lips tingle where his had been, and you find yourself wanting more—a realization that both thrills and terrifies you.

He's your best friend. Right…?

As if reading your thoughts, Jeongin speaks again. "Then there are... deeper kisses."

"S-show me..." you whisper, surprising yourself with your boldness.

This time when he leans in, there's an urgency that wasn't there before. His lips capture yours more confidently, one hand cradling your face while the other slides around your waist, drawing you closer. You respond instinctively, your fingers tangling in his hair, gently tugging at the strands.

What started as a lesson quickly transformed into something neither of you anticipated. The kiss deepened and you feel yourself being gently guided backward until you're lying on the floor, Jeongin hovering above you, your lips never parting.

When you finally break apart, both breathing heavily, you stare up at him in wonder. His hair is disheveled where your fingers have been, his eyes dark and intense.

"Innie…" you breathe, not knowing what else to say.

Without a word, he dives right back in, capturing your lips with a newfound hunger. There's no hesitation now, his movements filled with a hunger you’ve never seen before — his body pressing down against yours making you gasp into his mouth. Your arms wrap around his neck, pulling him closer, any thoughts of keeping distance between you long forgotten.

"There's more I can teach you," he murmurs against your lips, his voice husky with want. Before you can respond, his mouth begins to trail along your jawline, leaving a path of fire in its wake.

"Different types of kisses," he explains between soft pecks along your skin, "are for different sensations."

Your breath hitches as his lips reach the sensitive spot just below your ear. Instinctively, your head tilts to give him better access, your fingers tightening in his hair.

"Like here," he whispers, his warm breath sending shivers down your spine. Then his lips press against your neck, gentle at first, then with increasing pressure. The sensation is entirely new to you, electric pulses shooting through your body with each kiss.

"Innie," you gasp, overwhelmed by the feeling.

His hand slides up to cradle the other side of your neck, a small smile forming on his lips at the nick name as his thumb gently strokes your cheek, his kisses become more intense. You feel the gentle graze of his teeth, followed by the soothing warmth of his tongue against your pulse point, a soft moan falling from your lips as he repeated the action.

"Some people," he murmurs against your skin, "are more sensitive here than on their lips." As if to demonstrate, he places an open-mouthed kiss at the space where your neck meets your shoulder, causing you to arch involuntarily against him.

You're lost in sensation, any remaining thoughts about this being just a lesson completely gone. Your hands roam across his back, pulling him closer as he continues his thorough exploration of your neck.

When he finally returns to your lips, the kiss is different—deeper, more confident, as though he's staking a claim. You respond with equal fervor, the taste of him now familiar yet intoxicating.

As Jeongin pulls back slightly to look into your eyes, a small smile plays at his lips. "So," he says softly, "how was your first lesson?"

"I- I don't know what to say," you softly gasped, still recovering your breath.

Placing a soft peck on your lips, he sits up off the ground, gently taking your hand in his. "Come on. Let's go finish our original plans for the day."

Heart beating through your chest, you let him guide you off the ground and through the front door — the heated moment hanging in the air. A small part of you wishing it hadn't ended.

—

The next evening, you were in Stray Kids' dorm, squeezed comfortably between Jeongin and Hyunjin on the large sectional sofa. Chan had insisted on a movie night—something about needing to unwind after their intense practice schedule—and naturally, as Jeongin's best friend, you were included in the invitation.

What the others don't know is how everything changed between you and Jeongin just twenty-four hours ago.

The memory of his lips on yours, on your neck, makes your cheeks flush even now. You've spent most of today exchanging knowing glances, the anticipation of seeing him again had your stomach in knots all day.

"Everyone good with the movie choice?" Chan asks, remote in hand as he navigates through Netflix.

You barely register what film he selected—some action thriller the group has been wanting to watch. All you can focus on is Jeongin's proximity; the subtle scent of his cologne, the warmth radiating from his body next to yours.

"Y/N, want some?" Felix offers you the bowl of popcorn from across the coffee table.

"Thanks," you murmur, reaching for it. As you settle back with the bowl, Jeongin shifts closer, his thigh now pressed firmly against yours.

The lights dim as Chan starts the movie. Under the cover of darkness, Jeongin's hand finds yours, his fingers intertwining with yours between your bodies where no one else can see. Such a simple touch shouldn't send your heart racing, but after last night, everything is different.

Twenty minutes into the film, you're not following the plot at all. How could you, when Jeongin's thumb is tracing lazy circles on the back of your hand? When his breath occasionally tickles your ear as he leans over to whisper some joke about the movie?

By the thirty-minute mark, his hand had moved to your knee, resting there casually as though it belongs. The weight of it burns through the fabric of your jeans.

Halfway through the movie, during a particularly intense action sequence that has everyone's attention fixed on the screen, Jeongin's hand begins to move. Slowly, torturously, his fingers trace upward along your thigh, just far enough to make your breath hitch, gently squeezing the flesh.

You shoot him a warning glance, but the innocent smile he gives you in return is betrayed by the mischievous glint in his eyes. He knows exactly what he's doing.

His hand retreats momentarily when Changbin gets up to refill drinks, but as soon as everyone is settled again, it returns—this time sliding to your inner thigh, his touch feather-light but unmistakably close to where you could feel yourself growing needy. Your body responds immediately, heat pooling low in your abdomen, his hand now venturing into territory that makes your pulse quicken and your thoughts get jumbled up.

When his fingers inch higher, gently squeezing your thigh, you nearly jump. It's too much—the darkened room, his members just feet away, completely oblivious, and Jeongin's touch threatening to unravel you entirely.

"Bathroom," you whisper, standing abruptly. Jisung pauses the movie, looking up at you questioningly.

"Just need a quick bathroom break," you explain, forcing a casual smile. "Don't wait up, I've seen this part."

You slip away from the living room, heart hammering against your ribs as you make your way down the hallway. The cool bathroom tiles are a relief under your feet as you close the door behind you, leaning against it and exhaling slowly.

"Get it together," you mutter to yourself, turning to face the mirror — your reflection showing flushed cheeks and bright eyes.

Splashing cold water on your face, you hear a soft knock at the door.

"Y/N?" Jeongin's voice is low, just audible enough for you to hear. "You okay?"

Taking a deep breath, you open the door just enough to see him standing there, concern etched across his features—though the darkness of his eyes tells another story.

"I'm fine," you whisper. "We should get back before they—"

Before you can finish, Jeongin has slipped inside, closing the door behind him with a soft click. The bathroom suddenly feeling much smaller with him in it, the air between you charged with tension.

"What are you doing?" you ask, voice sounding small.

"I couldn't help myself," he admits, closing the distance between you. "Sitting next to you, not being able to really touch you... it's driving me crazy."

"Your members are right outside," you remind him, even as your body betrays you by leaning toward his.

"They're absorbed in the movie," he counters, his hands finding your waist. "Besides, I told them you weren't feeling well and I was checking on you."

"And they believed that?"

A small smile plays at his lips. "Felix gave me a knowing look, but the others are clueless."

Your protest dies in your throat as Jeongin presses you gently against the wall, his body flush against yours. Any restraints from before evaporated into thin air as his lips capture yours in a kiss that's hungry and desperate.

Your hands immediately find their way into his hair, pulling him closer as his tongue meets yours. This isn't the careful instructional kiss from yesterday—this is raw need, months of pent-up desire finally breaking free.

"I've been thinking about this all day," he murmurs against your lips, his hands sliding under the hem of your shirt to touch and squeeze the bare skin at your waist. "About you."

Your response is lost as his mouth moves to your neck, finding the sensitive spots he discovered yesterday. The sensation pulls a soft moan from you, which Jeongin quickly silences with another kiss.

"Quiet," he whispers, a teasing glint in his eye. "Unless you want everyone to hear."

The thought of being caught should terrify you, but instead, it only heightens everything—the racing of your pulse, the heat of his touch, the urgency of your kisses.

His hand slides back to your thigh, higher than he dared in the living room, his fingers tracing patterns that make your breath catch. When he presses his hips against yours, you can feel exactly how much he wants you.

"Innie," you gasp as his lips find a particularly sensitive spot below your ear.

“Fuck, y/n.” he grumbles against your neck, softly nipping and licking at the skin there, eliciting more moans from you.

“Innie, ngh, you’re gonna l-leave marks,” you whined, your defiance falling short as you arched into him.

“We should stop,” he mumbles between open mouthed kisses.

You both knew you should, but neither of you make an effort to move.

A sudden knock on the door makes you both freeze.

"Y/N? Jeongin?" It's Chan's voice. "Everything okay in there? Movie's almost over."

Removing himself from your neck, Jeongin clears his throat. "We're fine, hyung. Y/N just felt a little dizzy. We'll be out in a minute."

"Okay," Chan replies, though you can hear the question in his tone. "We're thinking of ordering food after."

Footsteps retreat down the hallway, and you both release the breath you've been holding.

Jeongin's forehead drops to yours, a small laugh escaping him. "That was close."

"Yeah," you let out breathy laugh. "We should get back."

He nods, stepping back reluctantly, but not before pressing one more lingering kiss to your lips. "This isn't over yet," he promises, his voice low with intention.

As you straighten your clothes and Jeongin attempts to fix his hair, you catch his eye in the mirror. The boy who was just your best friend yesterday now looks at you with an intensity that makes your knees weak.

"Ready?" he asks, hand on the doorknob.

You nod, knowing that while you're about to return to a room full of his members and pretend nothing has changed, everything has. The line you crossed yesterday isn't just crossed—it's been erased entirely, replaced by something new and thrilling and completely uncharted.

As Jeongin opens the door, his hand finds yours for just a moment, giving it a squeeze before letting go. It's a promise of what's to come, once you're alone again.

And suddenly, you can't wait for this movie night to end.

[tennessoui]

#5 for obikin for the ask game?

of course !!

(from this ask game)

5. "wait a minute. are you jealous?"

"I think I'm leaning towards the steak," Padmé says with that hum in her voice that means she's already decided what she plans to order and that it will indeed be the steak. "It's been so long since we've managed to go out like this. It's almost worth a celebration of its own, wouldn't you say?"

Anakin nods and smiles, closing his own flimsi menu with a flourish. If Padmé is getting the steak, then Anakin can as well certainly. It's much easier that way, for their needs to be aligned like that.

Padmé is right, too - it's been so long since they've spent a night together outside of her quarters. Due to the secrecy of their relationship and their own popularity, it's almost never secure enough to be seen together in public.

Except that apparently in the last month, while Anakin was knee deep in Mid-rim planet mud, a restaurant has opened on Coruscant that guarantees complete privacy for its patrons, a promise they keep by thick forcefields and thicker curtains set up in between each table. Food is delivered by droids that have their memory drives wiped each night, and the two humanoids that run the reservation system require fake names and documents from customers in order to book a table.

It's completely and totally private, and being out in public--sort of--with his wife on a night where he and all of his loved ones are safe on Coruscant...that is a cause for celebration.

And Anakin thinks he would genuinely feel happy in these circumstances if it weren't for one very small and very unfortunate detail.

The force fields the staff have installed block sound from traveling between tables.

They do nothing to block Force signatures.

And Anakin would recognize the Force signature behind him anywhere in the entire galaxy.

"Anakin?" Padmé's fingers land on the ball of his wrist and squeeze gently. It must not have been the first time she's called his name.

"Sorry, angel," he tells her automatically. The serving droid that has appeared at their table beeps at him impatiently, and he gives it his order as well. Same as hers, down to the optional sides. "My mind is not with me tonight," he admits the moment the apparatus sinks into the floor.

His wife squeezes his wrist again, fingers ghosting over the fragile skin.

Obi-Wan is here. Is he--why would he be here? It is a place made to be kept secret, made for secrets. Obi-Wan shouldn't keep secrets. He shouldn't be here.

And who has he brought with him? It is not a restaurant one travels to in order to eat alone.

"Anakin?" Padmé says, loudly enough to mean she has once more had to call for his attention many times.

"Sorry," he replies automatically, taking his wrist from her possession and running his hands through his hair. It's either occupy his hands or reach behind him to the solid curtain and rip it open. Obi-Wan is behind that curtain. In an engagement. A secret engagement.

A secret dinner engagement.

And Anakin didn't know about it.

"Is it the war?" Padmé asked, honey-brown eyes soft and gentle with sympathy.

"What?" Anakin blinks and then frowns. "No." They're two years into the blasted war. It's never put him off his dinner yet.

"Then..." she asks leadingly, taking her hand back from his side of the table and placing it in her lap. "What is on your mind, Ani?"

Well, he thinks, their booth is soundproof. And he finds that he must tell someone. Immediately. Obi-Wan is sitting behind him, meeting someone who Anakin may not know--or worse, who Anakin may know--and Anakin can feel him. His master is right there. With someone else.

"It's Obi-Wan," he admits to his wife in low tones.

For some reason, she does not look surprised. "Oh?"

"He's here," Anakin adds. "I can feel him in the Force."

Padmé blinks, but she still does not look surprised. "What a coincidence," she says, and Anakin narrows his eyes.

"What do you know," he demands, more war general in the moment than husband. "Who is he with? Did he mention it to you? When? Did he tell you why he's here?"

Her pink mouth falls into a small 'o' as her eyebrows raise. "Wait a minute," she says slowly. "Are you jealous?"

Anakin scowls. "Of course not," he snaps, drumming his fingertips on the tabletop so he doesn't give into the desire to rip open the curtain at his back. "You can talk to whoever you please."

Padmé's eyebrows furrow, and her eyes are far too considering. Too much politician, not enough wife. "I didn't mean of me," she says.

[genshingorlsrevengeance]

(Genshin Impact) Lisa, Eula, Yae, Shenhe, Chiori, Rosaria, Navia, and Furina's S/O feeling insecure

No one requested this, just writing away some blues tonight since I can't sleep. Totally unrelated, Just Give Me A Reason is a really good song.

Lisa immediately noticed something was bothering S/O.

The way their hands fidgeted on the teacup, staring out into space with their brows creased.

(Lisa) "...S/O?"

She gently calls out to them, snapping them out of whatever they were thinking about as they blinked a few times in surprise.

(Lisa) "Is something the matter?"

S/O gave a smile, one she immediately knew was forced.

(S/O) "Ah, it's nothing.-"

Their expression vanished the moment they saw how concerned Lisa was getting. There was no point in lying to her, was it?

S/O sighed as their fingers resumed rapidly tapping against the side of the cup, struggling to look her in the eyes.

(S/O) "This is going to sound really dumb but...I've just been thinking lately. You...still love me right?""

Lisa's back straightens at their words, where was this going?

S/O shook their head in a slight panic as they realized how their words came across.

(S/O) "I-It's nothing you've done, I promise! I just...I'm just worried that I'm not good enough. And that...you'll leave me because of it."

Lisa for her part remains silent for a moment. Not because she didn't know what to say, it was the opposite.

She was just relieved that it wasn't something more serious. But regardless, Lisa's arms reach over the table and hover over their hands before gently squeezing them.

(Lisa) "S/O, you've always been perfect for me. Whatever thoughts you have right now, don't listen to them."

Her smile and soothing voice makes S/O thankfully relax, with them meeting her gaze.

(Lisa) "Of course I still love you. I always will."

Lisa gets up from her seat to embrace S/O, letting them take a second to let their emotions out.

(S/O) "Lisa-"

(Lisa) "It's okay. Take as long as you need."

Eula is completely stunned when she hears S/O voice their thoughts.

Leave them?

Eula's mouth opens to immediately rebuke that, but quickly silences herself.

Truth be told, she felt that fear herself. The fact that S/O chose to love a Lawrence was a fact she still struggled to fully comprehend.

S/O was the first person to show her true love, and it felt like a knife to her heart to hear them think so little of themselves.

Instead, Eula's palm slowly caresses their cheek, letting their head rest into it.

And with a voice that grows softer by the second, she takes a deep breath and replies:

(Eula) "You mean more to me than anything I could ever say or do, S/O. Don't ever think that you're not good enough for me, because there's no one else I'd rather have."

(S/O) "...Thank you, Eula."

Once she sees that smile she loves, she gives one herself, not being able to help the teasing that follows up.

(Eula) "Remember, our feud is for the long-haul. Don't think that you can escape it that easily."

(Eula) "Hah, of course..."

Yae exhales deeply, processing S/O's words as her ears uncharacteristically twitch for a split second.

A soft chuckle from Yae is the sound S/O hears, making them turn their gaze from the ground to her.

(Yae) "Frankly, I thought when you began that sentence, it would be far worse."

For once, there's no sign of a mischievous smile or anything resembling that she'd tease them.

Yae gives a soft kiss to their forehead before taking their head to rest on her chest in an intimate hug.

(Yae) "I certainly hope you'd know by now, S/O. If I didn't love you, I wouldn't be here right now."

(S/O) "...S-Sorry, Miko.-"

She cuts them off by squeezing them tighter, her voice still as affectionate.

(Yae) "Don't apologize. Just remember that even if you doubt yourself, that I won't."

S/O pulls away after a small eternity, with Yae's expression going back to normal.

(Yae) "Good, that's the face I like to see."

Shenhe is terribly confused.

Why on earth would she ever leave without a good reason to?

(Shenhe) "You don't have to worry about something like that, S/O."

Abandon the person who made her feel human again, to feel love when she thought it was completely gone?

She would have to go completely insane to do that.

(S/O) "I-I know...It's not fair to you at all and-"

Shenhe instantly hugs them tightly, her face and voice not fluctuating all that much despite the strength that held S/O.

(Shenhe) "I am still struggling with emotions, but I know the feelings I have for you are real."

She's put at ease when S/O hugs her back. Thank the Archons she was saying her piece correctly.

(Shenhe) "I'm sorry that I have ever made you doubt me, but I love you, S/O."

(S/O) "I'm...I'm sorry I ever doubted you."

Neither of them move out of each other's arms for a long while.

Chiori sighs before she speaks up in her usual stoic tone. Though this time, there's a hint of kindness in it.

(Chiori) "Well, you're right about sounding dumb."

...Wait, shit that's not what she meant-

(Chiori) "I mean, you know I'm not the type to beat around the bush. If I wanted to leave, I'd have done it. I'm still here, aren't I?"

...Chiori shakes her head, mostly at herself. Even at times like these, she still can't help her choice of words.

This time, she moves to give them a tight hug, wiping away the tears forming at the edge of their eyes.

Chiori feels their heartbeat, giving her time to think of a way to not sound like a bitch.

(Chiori) "Too direct right now, aren't I? Then how about this, my feelings for you haven't changed, and they won't."

She hears S/O give a small chuckle, making her a little more at ease.

(S/O) "You have such a way with words, Chiori."

(Chiori) "Remember, you chose me...And I chose you, S/O."

Rosaria is silent, much of her actions mimicking S/O's.

She didn't look them in the eyes as she took her time, coming up with a response in her head.

Once she glanced at S/O and saw how uncomfortable they had become, she figured out what to say.

(S/O) "I shouldn't have brought this up, sorr-"

(Rosaria) "I'm glad you did, S/O...If anything, I feel like I haven't been there for you enough."

And she was proven right, seeing how they were tonight.

Rosaria hesitates before letting her hands hold S/O's, closing her eyes.

(Rosaria) "I know I'm not here a lot of nights to reassure you, and I know I'm really bad at this kinda stuff..."

Instead of saying anything, she gets up to kiss them, hoping that gets the message across.

(Rosaria) "...Don't worry about me leaving, that's not happening."

She makes it a mental note to come home sooner than usual now, if at the very least to wipe any tears S/O may have away.

Navia thoughtfully listens to S/O's troubles.

Her expression is completely serious, not saying anything until they finished their sentence.

Her first instinct is to wrap her arms around them and tell them that it's okay, but she knew what they really needed.

(Navia) "S/O. I don't think I could imagine my life with anyone else. And I never want anyone but you."

Seeing them relax got her to do so as well, Navia leaning in to kiss the top of their hand.

(Navia) "Don't ever be afraid to tell me these kinds of things. I'll make sure that you won't think that way about yourself ever again."

Now, she allows herself to give them a bone-crushing hug, making her giggle.

(S/O) "Thank you, Navia..."

(Navia) "It's what your wonderful girlfriend is here for, right?"

To brighten their mood, she puts her hat on them, before tilting it down and giving a cheeky smile.

Honestly? Furina completely understood the feeling, more than S/O could ever know.

She was so afraid that the people of Fontaine or that those closest to her would leave upon knowing what she was really like.

Centuries of feeling that she wasn't good enough for anyone ate away at her every night.

So to hear S/O voice the same words, thinking they weren't good enough for her?

The person who loved her despite everything? That broke her heart.

Furina's arms wrapped around their back before her head rested on their shoulders, hugging them tighter than she ever had before.

(Furina) "...Thank you for telling me, S/O."

She had no room to tell them that they shouldn't think this way about themselves. After all, she was still struggling with the very thing plaguing their mind.

(Furina) "I'll love you, no matter what you think. Because you'd do the same for me."

[andcars]

[ 𝗘𝗩𝗘𝗡𝗧𝗙𝗨𝗟 𝗡𝗜𝗚𝗛𝗧 ] Mondays in Monaco

premise. being carlos' girlfriend means getting dragged along the limelight. you're invited to a sponsor's event and the two of you split for a moment. a moment is a long enough of a time for his jealousy to strike up

tags #ㅤjealousy, making out, posessiveness, semi-public display of affection wc #ㅤ 1.1k

ㅤㅤFEEL FREE TO INBOX ME FOR THOUGHTS OR REQUESTS !

| MASTERLIST⠀TAGLIST⠀PATREON GUIDE⠀MONDAYS IN MONACO

The hum of the crowd buzzed in your ears. It was a busy night for both you and Carlos, needing to nurse in some sponsors for the season. You stand near the open bar, a completely full glass of red wine in hand. You’re used to these functions by now, tonight was nothing different. Almost so, anyway. 

Carlos is rather busy. The lights catch the glint of Carlos’s eyes every time he glances your way. You'd think it was worrying about your boredom but it was something else. Perhaps it’s the persistent man who had been hovering at your side for the past twenty minutes, his charm falling just short of genuine.

“So, you’re not interested in Formula 1 at all?” he asks, leaning in a little too close, his breath tinged with whiskey.

You forced a polite smile. Not everyone gets it, you reminded yourself. In fact, more people have just assumed you know nothing of the sports. “Not my favourite sport,” you replied, “much more of a basketball person or wrestling. Carlos has made me deepen my love for F1, though.”

Your gaze drifts over his shoulder to where Carlos was deep in conversation with a group of sponsors. He looks back and a laughs fall short on him.  “Ah, Sainz. Lucky guy.” He takes a sip of his drink, his eyes locking back on yours. There's a strange confidence glowing from him, it's terrible. “But sometimes, it’s nice to get a little attention of your own, isn’t it?”

Whatever that meant.

“I’m good, actually,” you told him. Your drink suddenly seems even more unappetising than it was earlier. He doesn't seem to get the point that you're not interested in this conversation. “You’re from HP, right? That's nice. Must have more important things than listening to the WAG talk about the wrong sports.”

He laughs. It sounds like grazing. “Nothing more important, don't worry, girl,” oh God, “You think you’re up to some drinking?”

Before you could respond (an insult was on your tongue), a familiar presence materialised at your side. Carlos’s arm slid around your waist, his touch warm but almost too tight when it should be soft. “Sorry to interrupt,” he said, his voice smooth with an edge that made your heart flutter. You can almost tell what's going to happen next. “But I need to steal her for a moment.”

The man’s confidence falters. His expression neutralizes as he straightens himself, trying to compose himself. Maybe the act of literally hitting on your client’s girlfriend was embarrassing to an audience. “Of course,” he mutters, stepping back.

Carlos doesn't wait for a reply. He leads you away with a firm but gentle grip. His strides were almost rushed, weaving through the crowd until you both reach a secluded corner. The noise of the event fades into a distant white noise. You're far enough to be hidden with some walls but the chatter of people is still present. The moment you two become alone, he turns to face you, his eyes dark with something that sends a gleeful shiver down your spine.

“That guy,” he began, his voice playing with shallow water, “has been talking to you for way too long.”

The excuse is laughable. You raise an eyebrow, trying to play it cool despite knowing Carlos’ pattern already. “Jealous?”

His lips twitched, but there was no humour in his expression. You try to stop a smile. “Yes. And you should be flattered by that.” He steps closer, crowding you against the wall. His hands rest on your waist, body softly crashing into yours to kill the distance..

Your breath hitches as his gaze drops to your lips. You can feel his breath against your face as his fingers twitch to have a hold on you. You start, “Carlos—”

He doesn’t let you finish. His mouth crashes into yours, his kiss demanding and relentless. You feel your body respond in tone with his. Carlos’ tongue swipes past your lips, pushing in for entrance to further claim you. He wants to taste your entire being because it's the way he wants to own you. You melt into him, your hands gripping his blazer as both of you disappear from the world.

Carlos is touchy. One of his hands strokes up and down on your side as the other wraps around. You return the favour by swinging a hand around his neck, feeling that thick neck in your skinnier arms. He loves it. A small gasp leaves him as his tongue directly kisses yours. The feeling of it is dizzying and heartwarming. You're fucking addicted to it.

When he pulls back, you’ve become breathless, your lips swollen and tingling. In his eyes, you can tell that the two of you separated not out of his own choice. It's from the need to breathe. You know that if both of you didn't need air, he would be kissing you for days. 

 “You’re mine, cariño. Don’t forget that.”

A teasing phrase was about to drop from your tongue. It doesn't reach his ears when a cough interrupts you. Both of your attention move to the man—yes, that man—who stands there awkwardly. “I, uh, didn’t mean to interrupt,” he stammers, his eyes darting between you and Carlos. “Just wanted to reach the bathroom, mate.”

Carlos doesn’t move, his arm still around your waist as he fixes the man with an unbothered look. It's as if he hadn't just kissed you like a starved man just for him talking with you. “You weren’t,” he said coldly. “In fact, I was just showing her how much she means to me.”

The man’s face flushed as he mumbled an apology and passed by the two of you, his footsteps a fading noise. Carlos turns back to you, his lips curling into a smug smile. “Now, where were we?”

“Come on, Carlos,” you try to remind him, “you have a lot of people to attend to. I can just hang around for a while.”

“Hm…” he fauxes thinking as he hugs your frame. “Are they so important to me as you are?”

Your cheeks flush but you laugh at his ridiculousness. “I'm being serious. Go out there and entertain them like monkeys.”

He huffs. “Okay,” Carlos starts to pull away and you're smiling—

The ridiculous man turns around and returns with another kiss, this one slower but no less consuming. Immediately, he wraps himself around you in a warm embrace. You unexpectedly lean against him, putting your weight to his. He's loving the way you have to depend on him. Open-mouthed kisses come to your mouth and he breathes out,, “Tell me you’re mine.”

“I’m yours,” you moan out. You feed his possessiveness and he is receiving it gleefully.

He mumbles the same thing over and over and you gladfully tell him the same. He's yours, you're his. He doesn't put your lips to rest and it's like the event doesn't matter. You don't push him away because you don't really want him to leave either. You're utterly whipped. Carlos smiles against the kiss and doesn't let you go the rest of the night.

@Delululeclerc @hiireadstuff @rtorresblog @Jamie2305 @yourmommyagone22 @nichmeddar @vannylen2144

FOOTNOTE ────── I WANT HIMMMMM i found that front pic of carlos and i just WANT HIMMMMM pls lord one chance... one... one chance....

[insomniac4000]

Making It Right ChrisMD

Chris has been a little absent lately but makes up for it

Y/N stared at the clock on the oven.

00:43

She tightened the dressing gown around her waist and padded barefoot into the living room. The soft lamp light glowed against the paper bag on the counter—Thai takeaway, untouched, cold by now. She’d waited. She’d really waited.

The last time she checked her phone, it was 11:30 p.m., and there was still no message from Chris. Not a call, not a “Sorry, running late.” Nothing. She had scrolled through her feed aimlessly, trying not to obsess. Then Arthur had posted that story: Chris at the pub, pint in hand, laughing.

That hurt. More than she expected it to.

Tonight had been their night. No collabs, no emails, no edits—just dinner, wine, and that film she kept telling him about. She’d lit candles. She even did her hair, for God’s sake, she had enough and went to bed.

Chris stumbled through the front door just after 1:00 a.m., the click of the lock sounding louder than usual in the quiet of the house. He kicked off his trainers, the buzz of laughter and lager from earlier still fading in his head. The shoot had wrapped at eight, but a few of the lads suggested grabbing a pint. One drink turned into three, and the idea of texting Y/N to let her know evaporated under the pub lights and pool table banter.

“Y/N?” he called softly, even though he knew she’d be asleep—or pretending to be.

No reply.

The living room lamp had been left on, casting a warm glow over the now-cold takeaway he’d promised they’d share hours ago. Her favourite Thai—green curry, no bamboo shoots, extra rice—still in its paper bag, untouched. Guilt stabbed him in the chest.

He padded into the bedroom and found her lying on her side, back to the door, clearly awake.

“Hey,” he said gently, sitting on the edge of the bed. “Sorry I’m late. We went for a couple after the shoot, and—”

“I know,” she said, her voice brittle. “I saw Arthur’s Instagram story. Looked like fun.”

Chris winced. Of course someone posted. “I didn’t mean to stay that long. I lost track of time.”

She finally rolled over to face him, and her eyes were red, lashes clumped together. “You didn’t text. You didn’t call. And you knew we had plans tonight. This was supposed to be our night.”

Chris opened his mouth, but nothing useful came out. She sat up, pulling the duvet around her, like she needed it for protection.

“This isn’t the first time, Chris,” she said, more tired than angry. “You’ve been cancelling on me for weeks. Always work, or drinks, or something else. I feel like I’m not even on your list anymore.”

“I know,” he admitted, rubbing his face. “I’ve been a dick. I’ve just been caught up with shoots, and brand stuff, and—”

“I don’t care about the brand deals,” she interrupted. “I care that my boyfriend doesn’t even ask how my day was anymore.”

Chris felt like the worst kind of idiot. She wasn’t wrong. He had been so wrapped up in filming and edits and the YouTube treadmill that he’d forgotten the one thing that mattered more than all of it. Her.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered. “I didn’t mean to make you feel like that. I just—I’ve been selfish. You deserve better.”

“I feel like I’m just… waiting around for you to remember I exist.”

That’s what it felt like. Like he loved her—but only when it was convenient.

He opened his mouth to speak but then closed it again. She turned away, tears pricking at her eyes. She didn’t want him to see her like this. Not like some neglected girlfriend begging for attention.

But God, it hurt.

She didn’t say anything, just lay back down and turned away again.

Chris sat there in silence, staring at the floor, wishing he could undo the last month of neglect. He’d taken her love for granted, and now, seeing the tears she tried to blink away, he realised just how close he might be to losing her.

The next morning, Chris was up before sunrise. His phone buzzed with group chats and brand messages, but he ignored them. He had something far more important to focus on.

He scribbled a quick note and left it on her bedside table before quietly slipping out of the room.

“Out running errands. Be back soon. Dress comfy. Today’s all about you. – C x”

She was still in her dressing gown, reading the note again with a skeptical expression. “What’s all this?”

“Morning,” Chris said as he peeked in, holding a tray with two coffees in one hand and a brown paper bag in the other. “Flat white with oat milk and cinnamon. And… an almond croissant.”

Y/N raised an eyebrow. “From Rosemont Café?”

He grinned. “I queued for 20 minutes with a group of cyclists talking about carb-loading. I earned this.”

She let out a breath—something like a laugh. A cautious one.

He handed her the cup. “This is a peace offering. A proper apology is coming.”

She narrowed her eyes at him, but took a sip. “You said ‘dress comfy.’ That sounds ominous

“Trust me,”

She raised an eyebrow, lips twitching. “The coffee and croissant is starting to be a good reason to….”

Chris smiled sheepishly. “Fair. I deserve that.”

She sipped the coffee and sighed. “Okay. What’s next?”

He drove her to a flower market near the river that only opened on Sundays. The kind of place bursting with colour, scent, and elderly vendors shouting about their peonies. Y/N’s eyes lit up as soon as she stepped out of the car.

“I forgot this was today!”

“I didn’t,” Chris said.

They wandered through stalls hand-in-hand, and he insisted she pick whatever she liked. She chose a bundle of soft pink peonies and a cluster of lavender, and Chris carried them like they were treasure.

“You remembered I love lavender,” she said softly, clearly surprised.

Chris shrugged, though his chest ached with regret. “I remember everything about you, Y/N. I’ve just been too much of a knob lately to show it.”

She smiled faintly. “That’s the most British apology I’ve ever heard.”

Next, they drove to a quiet nature reserve just outside the city. A hidden spot Chris knew she loved, especially in spring when the wildflowers bloomed along the trails. He packed a backpack with snacks, blankets, and yes; bug spray knowing Y/N was a magnet for the little creatures.

The walk was peaceful. Birds chirped, sun filtered through the trees, and for the first time in weeks, they talked. Not surface-level updates or reminders, real talking.

She told him about her latest project at work, about a friend’s engagement, about a book she’d read. And he listened—really listened.

When they reached a secluded clearing, he laid out a blanket and opened the bag.

She gasped. “You packed strawberries and Nutella?”

“With toothpicks, so we don’t get sticky fingers. I’ve grown.”

She laughed—a real one—and they sat close, shoulders brushing, feeding each other strawberries and watching bees buzz lazily around the grass.

After a while, she leaned her head on his shoulder. “This is perfect.”

Chris exhaled, as if he’d been holding his breath since last night. “I’m really sorry, Y/N. I’ve let you down. I don’t want to be the kind of guy who forgets how lucky he is.”

She looked up at him. “Then don’t be.”

They drove back toward the city, and Chris made one last stop. It was a little overlook on a hill behind a park—a place they’d stumbled upon on their third date. Back then, it was cold and muddy, but they’d watched the sun set and laughed about how neither of them had dressed for hiking.

“I can’t believe you remembered this spot,” she said, looking out over the rooftops.

Chris pulled a hoodie from the car and handed it to her. “Still unprepared, but at least warmer this time.”

They sat on the bench and watched the sun dip behind the skyline.

“I’ve been scared,” he admitted quietly. “Things with the channel have been going well, and I just kept telling myself I had to keep up, say yes to everything. But somewhere along the way, I forgot what matters.”

She turned to face him. “You didn’t forget. You just needed a reminder.”

He nodded. “That reminder nearly left me last night.”

Y/N was silent for a moment, then reached out to intertwine their fingers. “I was really hurt, Chris. But I’m still here.”

And just like that, he felt the knot in his chest loosen.

Back home, she arranged her flowers in a vase while Chris reheated dinner—actual dinner this time, not forgotten takeaway. He lit candles, played her favourite playlist in the background, and poured her a glass of wine.

When they sat down to eat, Chris raised his glass. “To being present. And not being a knob.”

She laughed. “I’ll drink to that.”

They ate, talked, and when she eventually curled up next to him on the sofa, head resting on his chest, Chris pressed a kiss to her hair.

“I love you, Y/N,” he murmured.

She looked up at him with tired but happy eyes. “I love you too. Just… don’t make me cry like that again.”

“Never,” he promised. “Next time I forget what I have, punch me.”

“Oh, I will.”

The next morning Chris posted a photo on Instagram the next morning—just the view from the park bench, captioned “Sometimes you need a reminder of what really matters.”

It wasn’t a brand deal or a challenge video. Just a quiet moment. But in the comments, people noticed.

“This is so wholesome omg.”

“Chris turning into a softie.”

“Did you finally realise your girlfriend’s amazing? Took ya long enough.”

He laughed, handing the phone to Y/N, who rolled her eyes playfully. “Even your fans know.”

Chris pulled her close. “Yeah. But now I really know.”

And he meant it.

[loveesiren]

vali!!! congrats on 1.5k, it’s so deserved. you already know you’re one of my fave people and i’m so glad everyone else knows you’re amazing too.

✍️ for seunghyun with this from the sms prompts: [ 📲 sms: ]  you’re single. i'm single. i feel like this is a problem we can solve together.

okay bye queen ilysm 💕

I love you so very much, sissy!!! Thank you for always being amazing and supporting me :') <3

Sorry in advance that this kinda sucks 😭 but it did end up kind of long ;P

Vali's 1500 Celebration

warnings: smut (fingering), edging kinda?

wc: 1.2k+

You sat hunched in the studio chair, fingers aimlessly twisting knobs on the soundboard while Seunghyun hummed into the mic, ad-libbing melodies that probably wouldn’t even make the final cut. His voice echoed through the monitors, smooth and unbothered. Meanwhile, your patience was thinning.

You glanced at the clock, lips pressing into a line. You were supposed to be out by now—getting drinks, maybe laughing, maybe kissing someone who seemed decent enough on paper. But instead, here you were, babysitting the booth and trying not to let your irritation show.

Your phone buzzed beside you. You snatched it up, heart tugging toward hope even though your gut already knew.

Sorry, can’t make it tonight.

Of course not. Third time's the charm, right? You stared at the message for a beat, then replied with a dry thumbs-up before hitting block. Your stomach sank. Not because you liked him all that much, but because you were tired—tired of hoping, tired of trying, tired of being a second thought.

Your mood dipped hard, and it must've shifted your whole vibe, because a second later, Seunghyun stopped mid-note. His voice cut out, and you looked up to see him pulling the headphones off, brow furrowed as he pushed open the booth door.

He studied you with those dark, observant eyes. “Alright, what’s going on?”

You shook your head, leaning back in the chair. “Nothing. Doesn’t matter.”

“You sure? ‘Cause you’ve got that face.”

“What face?”

“The one that says, ‘I’m two seconds from committing a felony.’”

You let out a dry laugh. “My date bailed. Again.”

Seunghyun tilted his head, watching you. “He’s a fucking idiot.”

“Yeah, well, I wasn’t planning to marry the guy. I just needed to fu—” You stopped yourself, cheeks burning as your mouth snapped shut.

His lips curved into a slow, amused smirk. “You just needed to what, exactly?”

You rolled your eyes, looking anywhere but at him. “Nothing. Forget it. Let’s finish the track.”

He stepped closer, voice lowering with a teasing lilt. “No no… I’d much rather you finish your sentence.”

Your eyes met his, tension humming like static between you. You swallowed thickly, heart pounding with a rhythm far more dangerous than any track you were trying to produce.

“I just…” you paused, eyes flicking downward as heat rushed to your cheeks, “It’s been a while. Okay?”

A soft blush bloomed across your skin, and you hated how easy it was for Seunghyun to notice.

His grin widened, something mischievous dancing behind his eyes. “Hey,” he said gently, “I get it. I know the feeling.”

You gave a weak, embarrassed smile, unsure how to steer the conversation anywhere but here. Your fingers fidgeted with the sleeve of your hoodie, heart thudding way too loudly for how casual you were trying to appear.

And then, just as you were about to awkwardly change the subject, he said it.

“Want me to help you out?”

You blinked. “W-What?”

He leaned in a little, voice low and smooth. His gaze locked with yours and held it. “I said… do you want me to help you out?”

You stared at him, lips parted, trying to wrap your head around what he was actually offering. “Why would you—what do you mean—are you serious?” you stammered, each word more breathless than the last.

Seunghyun’s smirk deepened. “You’re single. I’m single. Seems like a problem we could solve together.” He paused, giving you an out. “But only if you want to.”

You opened your mouth to say something reasonable—rational—but instead, your traitorous heart answered first.

“I do!” you blurted, eyes going wide the second the words left your mouth. “I mean… I want to…I just—shit.”

Seunghyun chuckled under his breath, stepping in close enough that you could smell the faint trace of his cologne. He tilted his head, eyes flicking to your lips before meeting your gaze again.

“You look really fucking cute when you’re nervous,” he murmured.

“Oh my God, shut up,” you said, swatting his chest half-heartedly with a smile. “I’m not nervous.”

He caught your hand easily, holding it gently between his fingers before tugging you just a little closer. His breath was warm against your lips, his voice barely a whisper now.

“No?” he teased. “Then why’s your heart beating so fast?”

You couldn’t speak—your breath hitched, your mind blank, overtaken by the magnetic pull of him. Your gaze dropped to his lips, heavy with longing, suddenly desperate to know what he tasted like.

And as if he could hear the thought echoing through your skull, Seunghyun leaned in and captured your mouth in a kiss that was anything but tentative—hot, hungry, and laced with weeks of unspoken tension.

You let out a soft moan into his mouth, arms winding around his neck as he guided you backward, his hands firm on your waist. You gasped softly as he lifted you onto the edge of the desk, stepping between your legs like he belonged there—like he knew just how long you’d wanted this.

The kiss deepened, his tongue brushing against your lips, asking for entry. You opened for him willingly, greedily, fingers already working at the buttons of his shirt, pushing the fabric off his shoulders to reveal the hard lines beneath.

He broke the kiss only long enough to trail his lips down your neck, kissing and nipping at your throat, your collarbone, making your skin burn with desire. His hands slipped to the waistband of your pants, fingertips teasing the hem.

He groaned low in his throat, the sound vibrating through your skin. “Fuck, you’re so wet already,” he muttered, sliding his hand into your pants, fingers brushing the soaked fabric of your panties.

You tugged him closer, your body already trembling. “Been a while,” you whispered, smirking against his lips.

He chuckled, dark and amused, his fingers grazing your entrance before sliding up to your clit, gathering your slick. “It’s so fucking hard to focus when you walk around looking like that every day.”

You gasped as he pushed a finger inside you, your hips twitching forward. His pace was slow, deliberate, drawing out every ounce of anticipation.

“Fuck…” you breathed, head falling forward against his shoulder.

“That feel good, baby?”

“Mhmm,” you whimpered, barely able to nod.

He stilled his hand. “Use your words.”

“Please… need more,” you begged, your voice needy and trembling.

“That’s my girl,” he praised, adding a second finger and curling them as he pumped deeper, faster. The pleasure came in waves, crashing through you, your moans muffled by his mouth as he kissed you again.

“You look so fucking pretty like this,” he whispered, watching the way your body writhed under his touch. “Cum for me, baby. And don’t worry…” His lips brushed your ear. “It won’t be the only time tonight.”

You were so close, the coil tightening in your belly, your nails digging into his shoulders—

*SLAM*

The sound of a door slamming echoed down the hallway.

You both froze.

“What the fuck was that?” you gasped, breathless, heart racing for a very different reason now.

Seunghyun’s eyes narrowed, head tilting toward the studio door. “No one else is supposed to be here…”

You could hear them now—faint voices, footsteps approaching. Panic flared in your chest.

Seunghyun looked back at you, fingers still buried deep inside, his voice low and urgent. “What do you say we take this back to my place?”

You were panting, trembling, desperate.

“Please,” you whispered.

He grinned, kissing your forehead as he carefully withdrew his fingers, brushing one last teasing stroke against your thigh.

“Then let’s get the hell out of here before someone sees how wrecked you already are.”

[cutiecusp]

Call me.

John Price x XXX phone operator.

Tw. Talks of smut, feelings. MDNI.

A military life was a lonely one. Especially if you aren't married. The nights you weren't deployed often means losing yourself into alcohol or something else to take the edge off, and after a few weeks of being snapped at, Gaz had had enough.

"Call this number, Cap. Work out your frustrations." He says, placing a business card down on John's desk.

"There's a few girls to choose from. Maybe you'll come back from leave in a better mood, eh?"

......

A few days into his leave, John finds the business card tucked into his jacket. He pulls out the card, the plain logo giving nothing away.

Sighing, he puts it on the coffee table. What kind of man would he be to call up a girl and practically beg for sex? Was he that desperate?

As the evening wore on, and he had a few drinks, he felt more bold. Glancing over at the card, he picks up his phone and dials before he can stop himself.

A rich, honey toned voice takes him through the motions, connecting the call to you.

"Hello there." You purr on the other side.

"Uh, hello." John gruffs, before taking a swig of his glass.

"And how can I help you tonight, handsome?" You continue, your voice a soft balm over him.

"I don't know, this isn't something I've ever done. I was recommended to you by a friend." John closes his eyes. How desperate did that sound?

"Well, I'm glad you called tonight. What's your name, sugar?" You ask.

"You can call me John." He decides, no code name, no rank, just John.

"And what do you need from me tonight, John?"

"What do you mean, isn't it obvious?" He says, shifting in his seat.

"Not everyone calls for the same reasons, John. Some like to fuck, others talk." You supply, a smile forming on your face.

"Although, I'm not quite sure what you are doing here, you have a lovely voice, John. Commanding, powerful." You add.

Heat rises up John's neck, he wasn't used to being complimented, and he wasn't sure if it was your voice, or the alcohol, but he felt more relaxed than he had in a long time.

"I. Uh, I need to get some frustration out, apparently." John replies, his voice deep and low.

"I can help with that. Where are you now, John?" You ask softly.

He glances around the room, should he tell the truth, or-

"I'm in my living room, my favourite armchair."

"I see, and what are you wearing, John?" You ask.

"Surely I should be asking that." John laughs, a little more bold than before.

"I could lie and say I'm in stockings and silk, but you seem like the type of man to appreciate the truth. I'm in an oversized tee and some pyjama shorts." You admit.

He hums, a vision of a pretty girl in an oversized tee and short shorts on the other end of the phone, talking to him, making him feel relaxed turns him on a little.

"Appreciate the honesty. Jeans and a plain tee. I wanted to be comfortable."

He hears you laugh down the phone, and it jolts something through him. He wants to see you laugh in person, see what you look like when you're talking to him like this.

"Appreciate the honesty, John. Now, I gotta be honest. Our times nearly up for tonight. And I am probably breaking all the rules, but I'll give you my extension number. I'd like to hear from you again."

He pauses. He lost track of time, and that's something he never does.

"I'd like to hear you again, sweetheart." He murmurs, not willing to let the call go, just yet.

"My extension is 141." You supply. "Take care, John." And the call disconnects, leaving John alone in the living room again.

He stares at the phone in his hand. Does he call now? Does he wait until tomorrow? He throws back the last of his drink and grabs his keys. Maybe a walk will clear his head.

As he head out of his apartment, he's almost knocked to his feet as a body rushes past him carrying a laundry basket.

"Sorry! I have to get there before they shut!" A voice calls from the stairwell, a glimpse of an oversized tee whipping around the corner.

That outfit... that voice...

"No worries, love." He returns with a smile before following you down the stairs.

Things have just got a lot more interesting..

@kaeyasfuturewife @xoxunhinged @muneca-lemon-steppa @gardenof-venus @soraya-daydreams @frudoo @renpodz @yesornowaitidontknow @thevoiceinyourheadx @shadowdark00 @lunamoonbby @incredible-walker @identity2212 @pukbadger @urbimom @corvid007 @wordsfromshona @shadows-empress @m00xy @canyonmooncreations @oniraki @evie-119 @havoc973 @kylies-lover-blog @ishipdabands @cmbghost @heckinspooks @midwesternwitchery @masterclassofescapism @s-a-v-a-n-a-34 @skeletonsucker @ghost-soaps-shadow

[getosfavoritewife]

The Sun Always Rises

✮⋆˙ General Jing Yuan has a way of bringing sunlight to you, regardless of how much you avoid the warm rays. (1.5k words)

✮⋆˙ A/N: first post!! jing yuan has such a lazy/cozy feel and I'm still trying to gauge his personality so sorry if it's a bit ooc!!

✮⋆˙ Warning(s)/Content: forgemaster!reader; implications of mental health concerns (nothing heavy); can be read as platonic or romantic; fluffy fluff, teasing

✮⋆˙ jing yuan x gn!reader

Hearing three knocks against your door on a sunny winter evening could only signify one thing.

Not even trying to conceal the lack of surprise on your face, you open the door for your expected visitor; as usual, Jing Yuan greets you with a pleasant smile, hands comfortably clasped behind his back as he strides in like he owns the place, opens the curtains, and makes himself at home.

“Arbiter General,” you murmur, almost as if scripted.

“Forgemaster,” he replies in turn with a twinkle in his eyes, also as expected.

You don’t ask if he wants tea, opting to pour two cups and place them on the table as you both sit down. Forgemaster Yingxing had always taught you to be polite to guests, but that was a very long time ago, and Jing Yuan wasn’t just any guest.

“There’s a festival in Aurum Alley this evening,” Jing Yuan muses as he eyes the tea with interest, picking the small cup up as he gives the hot liquid a gentle blow and careful sip.

You know where he’s going with this, so at this point, the best course of action is feigned indifference and avoidance. “And you came all the way over here to let me know? Especially during such a busy day at The Seat of Divine Foresight?”

You take a ginger sip of the tea, grimacing as it burns the tip of your tongue, before placing it back down on the table. Master Yingxing’s tea was far superior to yours anyway—if he could see the hot garbage you’d brewed, he would have scolded your skills all afternoon.

Jing Yuan’s voice brings you out of your thoughts. “Astute as always. You should get out of the house more.”

“I leave the house,” you try not to sound defensive, squinting at the man sitting across from you. “I go to the forge every day.”

“Other than there?”

“And… I went to the market last week,” you grumble, rooting around in your brain for excuses. Lamely, all you come up with is a throwaway line about being too busy that you know Jing Yuan won’t buy. Anyone else would accept the lies that rolled off your tongue like second nature, but not Jing Yuan. He knew you and your habits all too well.

He stands up, dusting his pants off with a lazy smile. “Wonderful, grab your coat.”

“No, Jing Yuan. No.” You respond too quickly, shooting up as you wrack your brain for an excuse.

The softness with which he calls your name is lost to the roaring silence of the room and you know what face he’s making without even looking.

That corner above the cupboard really needs dusting. Master Yingxing would sneeze because of the dust, and he’d blame allergy season. Maybe tonight—

“Only for a little while,” he coaxes, as he swipes a strand of hair from obscuring your eyes. Maybe that’s what makes you meet his eyes: golden and full of life as usual, albeit with his dark circles that seemed worse than before.

“I’ll think about it,” you sigh tiredly, reaching up to run your fingers under his eyes. “You should sleep more, Jing Yuan. You look tired.”

A laugh rumbles out of him at that as he closes his eyes and leans into your touch. You can’t help but let the corners of your mouth quirk up in response. “Don’t let the others at The Seat of Divine Foresight hear you say that.”

“If only you would stop sneaking away at the sight of paperwork, maybe they wouldn’t be so wary of your work ethic,” you scold halfheartedly.

Jing Yuan simply watches you, an adoring smile peeking out that makes you want to push him away from you, embarrassed. Instead, you card your fingers through his hair, murmuring how his ribbon is coming loose as you free it from his snowy locks.

He sighs, letting his eyes flutter shut as you tug through his fluffy hair, replicating his usual hairstyle with practiced ease. You let your thoughts wander to when you used to re-tie his hair every day after it came loose during sparring while Master Yingxing went to go meet with sword master Jingliu and the others.

“How’s Yanqing’s training coming along?” Breaking the delicate silence, your voice always sounds unfamiliar these days; the results of less use, you suppose.

A golden eye cracks open to peer at you, and Jing Yuan lets out another sigh, this time more rueful. “You know how he tends to be. It still surprises me the speed with which he is able to pick up on new techniques and skills, but that obsession with winning and losing…” Jing Yuan trails off. “It’s like I say, if you treat him as a child, he'll put on the airs of an adult. If you treat him as an adult, he'll show the temperament of a child.”

“It’s a difficult age. Remember how you used to be?”

You bite back a snicker at the mock-offended look Jing Yuan shoots you.

“I don’t quite remember it like that,” he says. “I believe I was a joy to be around at every age.”

“I’m sure you remember it like that.”

“How else could you remember it?”

You take a break from playing with his hair to flick him on the forehead, at which he lets out a soft hiss, rubbing the small red mark and catching your hand before you can give him another one. “So mean.”

With a scoff, you make no move to remove your hand from his grip, letting yourself relax in his grasp. “You were nothing short of a terror. Anytime I tried to hang out with you it was always ‘Let’s spar here!’ or ‘Extra training is basically hanging out!’. I got so sick of you that I told Master Yingxing to stop meeting Master Jingliu when I was around.”

“Was I… really like that?” You can’t help but laugh at Jing Yuan’s face, ignoring the smile creeping onto his face at the sight of your laughter.

“All I’m saying is that he’ll grow out of it, just like you did. Kids are desperate to prove themselves at that age. You ought to praise him a little more,” you advise him softly.

“I give praise where it is deserved,” Jing Yuan places your clasped hands on his chest with fake affrontedness, his eyes crinkling at the corners as he huffs in amusement.

“Yet I am expected to praise you even when you are undeserving?”

“I hadn’t realized there were times where I was ever undeserving of praise?” You can’t help to smack him with the hand that was resting on his chest as he pretends to ponder.

“Speaking of Yanqing though—” you start before Jing Yuan interrupts.

“I thought we were speaking about me?”

The roll of your eyes seemed to simply be an intrinsic reaction to Jing Yuan’s teases after all these years of dealing with his painfully fatherly sense of humor.

“General.”

The pleased smile on his face only curled higher. “I’m listening.”

“As I was saying, Yanqing’s birthday is approaching this month. Maybe it’s time he finally receives a sword from the Forgemaster on his birthday this year?”

“I can already imagine his tears of joy. He still asks when he can meet you sometimes. I admit I have yet to give him an answer in fear that he will spend every moment not used for training to instead bother you incessantly at your forge.”

“Like father, like son, I suppose. Send him around—it’s truly no bother. It would also help me figure out a suitable blade for him.”

You pretend to not see the way Jing Yuan’s brows knit together at your teasing jab.

“Come watch us train sometime soon. To help you gauge his fighting style, of course,” Jing Yuan remarks lightly.

“Of course,” you echo. Giving him a look before sighing, you grab your coat off the hook, opening the door for him as you slip it on. “Only for a little while at the festival, please. And no buying or winning me anything while we’re there.”

Jing Yuan doesn’t even try to hide the smile unfurling on his face and you know the next words that come out of his mouth are bound to be an easy lie. “Wouldn’t dream of anything else, Forgemaster.”

From spending every free minute together as kids to only seeing him when he came knocking on your door every single day. No matter what happened, the sun always rose the next day. And no matter what happened, your Jing Yuan was always there.

thanks for reading!! ✮⋆˙