#diet plan for diabetic person

[soniamarienutrition]

Sonia Marie Nutrition

Website: https://www.soniamarienutrition.com

Address : La Canada, California, USA

Sonia Marie Nutrition, led by renowned health and wellness coach Sonia Marie Romero, offers holistic nutrition, hormone balancing, and weight loss programs. Emphasizing a personalized, flexible, and enjoyable approach to health, Sonia Marie provides services including one-on-one consultations, various health programs, and coaching sessions. The focus is on creating sustainable lifestyle changes, understanding individual health needs, and balancing primary foods for overall well-being.

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100089855974922

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/soniamarienutrition

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCBHrEAsYMGu8Ves6uYfyBXg

Linktr: https://linktr.ee/Soniamarienutrition

Keywords:

online nutrition coach

personalized diet plan

personal health coach

online fitness and nutrition coach

virtual weight loss programs

best online nutrition coach

personalized diet and exercise plan

personalized keto diet plan

best online nutrition and fitness coach

online health and wellness coach

virtual assistant health and wellness

virtual health and wellness

virtual health and wellness activities

telehealth nutrition services

remote fitness coaching

best personalized diet plan

diet plan for diabetic person

diet plan for elderly person

diet plan for lazy person

diet plan for normal person

online personal diet plan

personal trainer with diet plan

personalized diet plan for weight loss

online personal health coach

personal health and fitness coach

personal health coach near me

online fitness nutrition coach

online holistic nutrition coach

online nutrition coach canada

nutritionist online services

holistic health counseling

holistic health counseling and coaching

holistic mental health counseling near me

diet plan for old age person

diet plan for overweight person

best online nutrition coaching

nutrition counseling services

online nutrition counseling services

best virtual weight loss program

online virtual weight loss programs

virtual health and wellness coach

anytime fitness remote coaching

best fitness remote coaching

remote personal fitness training coach

appointed personal health coach

certified personal health coach

health wellness coaches personal

hire a personal health coach

affordable online nutrition coaching

best online nutrition coach for weight loss

certified nutrition coach online

female nutrition coach online lifting

online nutritionist dietician service

online personal trainer nutritionist service

dietitian nutrition counseling services

holistic nutrition counseling services

in person nutritionist near me

online consulting for hormone balancing

certified health and wellness coach online

online health and wellness coach charge

digital health and wellness solutions

[diabetesreversalprograminindia]

The Role of a Dietician in Your Diabetes Reversal Journey

This article is originally published on Freedom from Diabetes website, available here. Diabetes is a lifestyle disorder. The real disorder however is not diabetes, it is a insulin resistance. This is the main cause of diabetes. And it lead to the unhealthy liftstyle.

But diabetes can reversible. At FFD we have successfully helped more than 11,000 diabetics free themselves of all medicines completely. But you have to be ready for your transformation. And take a proper guidance of diet expert.

What are the benefits of a dietician’s guidance?

Dietician can gives you Accurate, relevant, and current information. A good dietician also keeps up with advances in the field and is thus able to leverage these in their guidance. A dietician will try as much as possible to customize your diet for you to factor in your own dietary preferences. Dietician will take care about your diet, health, exercies, any food allergies and many more.

Weight loss for diabetics specifically means fat loss. The two are used interchangeably but are not the same. Plain weight loss is often merely the loss of water or muscle loss. Both are dangerous. Losing water leads to dehydration a dangerous condition for a diabetic as the body needs water to flush our the excess glucose. It also needs water for various bodily functions. Loss of muscle is bad for diabetics as muscle is a very important factor in burning calories for energy. The more muscle one has, the higher their calorific needs.

In summary, taking a dietician helps because they provide up-to-date and accurate advices to us, create proper diet plan just for you, and consider your overall health, including exercise and any food allergies. This personalized approach helps you stay healthy and reach your goals more effectively.

So be ready to transform Your Health with Dietician Guidance. To read more about this, please visit our Article. Also please connect with me on my website, Facebook page, and YouTube if you want to stay in touch or give me any feedback!

[bostonlevin8]

affordable online weight loss coach Canada

Are you living in Dubai and looking for an effective way to shed those extra pounds? Whether you're a man or a woman, Dubai offers some fantastic online weight loss programs tailored to meet your specific needs. Additionally, if you're interested in the keto diet, there are excellent online keto diet coaches in Dubai who can guide you through every step. In this post, we'll explore the top online weight loss programs for men and women in Dubai and highlight the benefits of working with an online keto diet coach.

Why Choose an Online Weight Loss Program in Dubai?

Living in a bustling city like Dubai can make it challenging to find the time for traditional weight loss programs. Here's why an online weight loss program might be the perfect solution:

Convenience: Access your program anytime, anywhere.

Personalization: Customized plans to suit your individual needs.

Support: Continuous support from coaches and a community of peers.

Flexibility: Fit workouts and meal plans into your busy schedule.

Cost-Effective: Often more affordable than in-person programs.

Online Weight Loss Programs for Men in Dubai

Men have unique weight loss needs that require specialized programs. Here are some top options available online in Dubai:

1. Customized Fitness Plans

Strength Training: Focus on building muscle while losing fat.

Cardio Workouts: Tailored to improve endurance and burn calories.

Flexibility Exercises: Enhance overall mobility and prevent injuries.

2. Nutritional Guidance

Balanced Diet Plans: Incorporate a variety of foods for optimal health.

Macro Tracking: Keep an eye on protein, carbs, and fats.

Supplement Advice: Learn about beneficial supplements to enhance performance.

3. Behavioral Coaching

Goal Setting: Define and track your weight loss goals.

Motivational Support: Regular check-ins to keep you motivated.

Stress Management: Techniques to handle stress and avoid emotional eating.

4. Progress Tracking

Regular Assessments: Monitor your progress with weekly check-ins.

Fitness Apps: Use apps to log workouts and meals.

Community Support: Join online groups for motivation and tips.

Online Weight Loss Programs for Women in Dubai

Women also have specific weight loss needs, and Dubai offers excellent online programs designed just for them:

1. Personalized Diet Plans

Calorie-Controlled Diets: Tailored to your specific calorie needs.

Hormonal Balance: Diet plans that consider hormonal changes.

Plant-Based Options: For those who prefer vegetarian or vegan diets.

2. Exercise Routines

Strength Training: Build lean muscle mass.

HIIT Workouts: High-intensity interval training for maximum calorie burn.

Yoga and Pilates: Improve flexibility and reduce stress.

3. Holistic Approach

Mindfulness Practices: Incorporate meditation and mindfulness.

Sleep Hygiene: Tips for improving sleep quality.

Self-Care: Emphasis on overall well-being.

4. Community and Support

Online Forums: Connect with other women on the same journey.

Regular Webinars: Learn from experts through online sessions.

24/7 Access to Coaches: Get help whenever you need it.

Online Keto Diet Coach in Dubai

The keto diet has gained popularity for its effectiveness in weight loss and health benefits. Here’s how an online keto diet coach in Dubai can help you succeed:

1. Personalized Keto Plans

Macronutrient Breakdown: Get the right balance of fats, proteins, and carbs.

Meal Planning: Delicious and easy-to-make keto recipes.

Grocery Lists: Simplified shopping to keep you on track.

2. Education and Resources

Keto Basics: Learn the fundamentals of the keto diet.

Advanced Strategies: Tips for overcoming plateaus and optimizing results.

Recipe Ideas: Access to a variety of keto-friendly recipes.

3. Continuous Support

Regular Check-Ins: Monitor your progress and adjust plans as needed.

Community Groups: Join other keto dieters for motivation and support.

Troubleshooting: Get help with common issues like keto flu and cravings.

4. Health Monitoring

Ketone Testing: Learn how to test and interpret ketone levels.

Nutritional Advice: Ensure you're getting all necessary nutrients.

Exercise Guidance: Integrate effective workouts with your keto lifestyle.

Tips for Choosing the Right Online Weight Loss Program in Dubai

When selecting an online weight loss program, consider the following tips to ensure it meets your needs:

Credibility: Choose programs and coaches with good reputations and verified credentials.

Customization: Look for programs that offer personalized plans.

Support System: Ensure there’s a robust support system, including access to coaches and a community.

Flexibility: The program should fit into your lifestyle and schedule.

Results-Driven: Check for programs with proven success stories and testimonials.

Benefits of an Online Weight Loss Program

Joining an online weight loss program offers numerous benefits:

Accessibility: No matter where you are in Dubai, you can access your program.

Affordability: Online programs are often more budget-friendly.

Expert Guidance: Benefit from the expertise of top coaches and nutritionists.

Privacy: Work towards your goals in the comfort of your home.

Motivation: Continuous support and motivation help keep you on track.

Conclusion

Embarking on a weight loss journey can be daunting, but with the right online program, you can achieve your goals efficiently and sustainably. Whether you're a man or woman living in Dubai, or interested in the keto diet, there’s an online weight loss program tailored just for you. Embrace the convenience, personalization, and support these programs offer, and take the first step towards a healthier, fitter you.

Start your journey today by exploring the best online weight loss programs and keto diet coaches in Dubai. Your future self will thank you!

[fitmorphs0]

Diet Transformation: Pune's Top Program

In the bustling city of Pune, where the aroma of spices fills the air and the vibrant culture thrives, there's a growing trend towards embracing a healthier lifestyle. As individuals seek the best diet plan for weight loss in Pune, FitMorphs emerges as a beacon of hope, offering a comprehensive dietetics and lifestyle modification program tailored to the unique needs of Punekars.

At Fitmorphs, we understand that achieving a healthy weight and lifestyle isn't just about counting calories; it's about transforming your relationship with food and embracing sustainable habits. Our program goes beyond quick fixes and crash diets, focusing on long-term solutions that promote overall well-being.

Here are some key highlights of our diet transformation program:

Personalized Nutrition Guidance: We recognize that no two individuals are alike, which is why our expert nutritionists work closely with each participant to develop a personalized meal plan tailored to their dietary preferences, lifestyle, and health goals. Whether you're a vegan, vegetarian, or have specific dietary restrictions, we've got you covered.

Holistic Approach to Wellness: Our program takes a holistic approach to wellness, addressing not just what you eat, but also how you live. Through educational workshops, we empower participants to make informed choices about their health, covering topics such as mindful eating, stress management, and the importance of regular physical activity.

Ongoing Support and Accountability: We believe that accountability is key to success, which is why our program includes ongoing support from our team of experts. From weekly check-ins to group coaching sessions, we're here to cheer you on every step of the way and help you stay motivated toward your goals.

Delicious and Nutritious Recipes: Eating healthy doesn't mean sacrificing flavor! Our program features a wide range of delicious and nutritious recipes that are simple to prepare and bursting with flavor. From hearty salads to wholesome soups, we'll show you that eating well can be both satisfying and enjoyable.

Community of Like-Minded Individuals: Joining our program means becoming part of a supportive community of like-minded individuals who are all working towards the same goal – living their healthiest, happiest lives. Share your successes, struggles, and recipe ideas with fellow participants, and together, we'll celebrate every milestone.

As you embark on your journey towards better health and vitality, trust Fitmorphs to be your partner every step of the way. Our dietetics and lifestyle modification program is not just about losing weight; it's about gaining a newfound appreciation for the incredible gift of health.

Ready to take the first step towards a healthier you? Contact us today to learn more about Pune's top program for diet transformation.

Remember, the best diet plan for weight loss in Pune isn't about deprivation; it's about empowerment. With FitMorphs by your side, you'll discover just how delicious and rewarding a healthy lifestyle can be.

Dietetics and lifestyle modification program.

[telomereclinic]

Type I Diabetes - Telomere

Diabetes is of many types as follows: 1. Type 1 Diabetes

2. Type 2 Diabetes

3. Gestational Diabetes

4. LADA – Latent auto immune disease of the adults

5. MODY – Moderate Onset Diabetes of the Young

Before understanding Diabetes Mellitus let us understand a few important terms

Glucose:

- This is a type of sugar or a carbohydrate. The food we eat is ultimately converted to glucose - In every cell of our body, glucose is converted to energy - Brain especially depends on glucose as an energy source

Insulin:

- Insulin is a hormone that plays an important role in maintaining blood sugars - This is the only hormone in our body which in anti-diabetic – meaning it lowers blood sugars. - Other hormones such as glucagon, cortisol, adrenaline, nor adrenaline, thyroxine increases blood sugars

Ketones:

- When cells do not get enough glucose, fats burn to form ketones which gives us energy - Ketones serves as an alternative fuel source of energy for the brain - Usually when we fast for 14-16 hrs., glucose levels are depleted and our body produces some number of ketones. - We are in a state of mild ketogenesis and it’s not harmful and studies show that they are beneficial - Under starvation for 30 days, brain depends on ketones for about 70% of its energy demands

Type 1 Diabetes Mellitus:

Occurrence:

- Type 1 diabetes contributes to 10 % of the total diabetes in the world - Usually diagnosed in young children from 4-14 years - Approximately 50% of the Type I diabetes occurs in adults. Usually misdiagnosed as Type II diabetes

What is Type I Diabetes Mellitus:

- Type I diabetes is an auto immune disease - Our own immune system recognizes our pancreas as foreign and produce antibodies against beta cells of pancreas and attack them. - This results in damage of beta cells and insulin is not produced. - If there is no insulin, blood glucose levels stay elevated

Causes for Type 1 Diabetes: The root cause for Type 1 Diabetes is not known but it is suggested to be due to following factors:

1. Genetic predisposition + environmental factors:

- If parents or siblings have type 1, there is a high chance that kids may also develop type I diabetes. - The genes can be triggered by toxins or bacteria or viruses resulting in the immune system to attack one’s own pancreas.

2. Viral infections:

- It was noticed that viruses such as enterovirus can trigger our immune system to attack beta cells of pancreas

3. Nutritional factors:

- Cow’s milk and animal protein may also trigger Type 1 Diabetes. - Vitamin D deficiency was also associated with Type I diabetes

4. Gut health:

- Gut dysbiosis leads to increase of inflammatory signals which results in attack on pancreas. - The presence of more bacteria belonging to a group called Bacteroides and less of Firmicutes bacteria leads to increased gut permeability and attack of beta cells. - Gut health is majorly influenced by the diet

Read Our Full Blog:- https://www.telomereclinic.com/type-i-diabetes/

[onefite]

10 Effective and Sustainable Weight Loss Diets for Lasting Results

10 Effective and Sustainable Weight Loss Diets for Lasting Results Introduction Briefly introduce the concept of weight loss and its importance for overall health Losing weight isn’t just about looking good – it’s a key component of maintaining optimal health. Shedding extra pounds can lead to better heart health, improved blood sugar levels, and reduced risk of chronic diseases. It’s a…

[hypothalamusmumbai]

Experience a holistic approach to health with Hypothalamus Mumbai. Our General Wellness Meals are designed for those who are health-conscious and looking to maintain or improve their overall well-being.

[wellhealthhub]

A Comprehensive Exploration of Diabetes Medication for Weight Loss

Delve into this all-encompassing guide that embarks on an in-depth analysis of the multifarious diabetes medications known to facilitate weight loss. Explore the intricate connection between diabetes and weight management, embark on a journey to unravel the multifaceted role of medications, investigate the profound significance of lifestyle modifications, and gain invaluable insights into the art…

[snoopyrps]

✨ fuck ozempic ✨

[amaditalks]

Every year all of the big diet companies have to come up with some brand new labeling for their plans in order to encourage people to get on the January weight loss train.

This year, Weight Watchers is going further than they’ve ever gone before, by announcing that they have created a new system to give their members access to prescriptions for drugs like Ozempic and Mounjaro.

Let me remind you that these drugs only work while you’re taking them. As soon as you stop, all of your appetite comes back. Your desire to eat returns, and because it has been artificially suppressed it may feel much stronger and less controllable than it was before you took the drugs. Many people who come off these drugs, usually because of cost (because insurers are balking at coverage for weight loss) or shortages (because so many people are taking them for weight loss, which is leaving the diabetics who need them up shit creek) or side effects report that the first weeks are really difficult, mentally painful and often binging occurs.

Additionally, all of these drugs carry a real risk of creating a terribly painful and potentially deadly condition called Gastroparesis, in which your gastrointestinal system just stops functioning, you cannot digest and process food at all.

You do not need to lose weight to be healthy. You do not need to lose weight to be beautiful or attractive, to have success, or love. You do not need to lose weight in order to pursue fitness. If you have particular health needs or goals that can only be achieved by changing the way you eat, (e.g. lowering cholesterol or blood glucose or addressing gastro issues) that does not mean that you need a weight loss diet plan, just one designed toward your needs.

But more than anything, you do not ever need to put another penny into the coffers of the multibillion dollar weight loss industry, which, if it actually had a way to take a fat person and make them thin permanently (something that cannot even be achieved by surgeries that drastically rearrange digestive systems) would be a multi quadrillion dollar industry instead. 

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA if I told my girlfriend to lose weight?

Okay, so that sounds horrific, but bear with me.

To be clear, I (23M) could not care less what weight she (27F) is or what she looks like. I love this woman with my whole heart and none of it is about her appearance. We’re pretty much engaged in all but name, the only reason it’s not official is because we don’t have money to even think of weddings right now, and I plan to spend the rest of my life with her.

Thing is, she’s obese. Like, medically, not in a derogatory sense. This is massively affecting her health. She’s constantly out of breath, constantly in pain, constantly struggling, and it’s leading to other conditions such as sleep apnea. She thinks she has asthma because she’s always struggling to breathe, but I’m 95% sure it just comes down to weight and her doctor has said the same, but she tends to write it off as doctors being fatphobic.

Much of this is due to the fact that she used to struggle with binge-eating disorder. She no longer binge eats, but she does overeat in general because her body is so accustomed to constant food, so she gets painfully hungry and dizzy after 2-3 hours of not eating.

I’ve tried to encourage her to exercise with me, diet with me, count calories etc., but she gives up super easy when she doesn’t see immediately results. She also says herself that she finds it very difficult to see herself accurately - she has the reverse of “typical” body dysmorphia, where she sees herself as thinner than she is, so she genuinely sees herself as thin or like slightly curvy. (To be clear, she is very visibly obese, people comment on this often, and while I’ll be the first to go fists up if someone’s a dick to her about it as people have been I also am genuinely worried about her health.) Because of that she has no motivation to lose the weight because she just doesn’t see it. It’s bad enough that she’s been told by doctors she WILL likely struggle later in life with heart failure, diabetes etc if she doesn’t lose weight, yet her POV is more, “It can’t be that bad because I’m not that big so I don’t need to worry about it”. She has occasional reality checks, most recently she put her measurements into some site that shows an image of what you look like from a third person perspective, and she was completely shocked like “I can’t look like that. Do I? This is a wake up call”, but days later it’s completely lost and she’s back to saying she’s not that big again.

She wants kids with me, and I just absolutely do not want to commit to having children with her when I know there’s a not-insignificant chance she’ll have serious health issues in the future that could mean she’s not with us for as long as she could be. Both for the kids’ sake, and selfishly because I want her around! I don’t want to think about something happening to her earlier in life and being without her.

But I just don’t know what to do. Gently suggesting it hasn’t worked, saying I’m worried about her health hasn’t worked, saying I don’t want kids until she’s healthy hasn’t worked (even if she’s still overweight I really don’t care as long as she’s not in a “danger zone” y’know?), trying to meal plan with her hasn’t worked, trying to get her to keep track of calories hasn’t worked, trying to exercise with her hasn’t worked.

People I’ve asked in the past have told me to be firm about it, but I’m incredibly reluctant to do that - I struggled with anorexia for most of my teenage and adult life and I know how deep it can cut to have your weight criticised or commented on. I don’t want to be that dick who basically calls someone I love very much unhealthy and fat and tells her to lose weight or no kids or some horrible shit like that.

But I just. Can’t work out what to do. She does express a willingness to lose weight, she says she wants to, she just doesn’t have that motivation to do it. I don’t know what else we can try.

AITA for focusing on this in the first place? Like am I actually just being fatphobic, or is my own past with EDs influencing my thinking? Am I going about it all wrong? Should I just accept it as something that’ll be a potential issue in future and deal with it then or am I fair to worry about it early on?

What are these acronyms?

[anarchoherbalism]

it's funny/sad to me how many anti-diy med people whip out their mood stabilizers or antidepressants as examples of irreplaceable pharmacueticals when actually, plants LOVE making alkaloids! Yes, there are BIG question marks in terms of keeping people alive that are scary. For example, some stopgaps exist for some types of diabetes-- therapuetic diets and mediating metabolic processes via plant-derived medicines give people much better odds of hanging on while further work towards community-based insulin production and/or alternative medications are being developed; but people are HUSTLING on insulin, HIV medication (antiretrovials), and other projects because we need more solutions NOW and ACUTELY, not just for the future.

Brain meds tho? That shits fucking gucci. On lock. Would it take YOU, PERSONALLY putting in research time and trying stuff out to land on something that works for your needs? Of course!!! Everyone taking virtually any medication goes through that process anyway! Are there direct analogs for you to switch to seamlessly from what you take now? No, you will likely have to take a different approach using different pharmacological basis--but even those bases exist already, many of them have simply been discarded in scientific research or clinical practice for reasons OTHER than their efficacy or risk* (such as socially-born risk like the war on drugs or good old market competition). AND, that's only if you are the most staunch evidence-based person out there; there's exponentially more information available if you're at all willing to experiment based on anecdotal evidence, something your doctor abso-fucking-lutely does nearly every time they customize a treatment plan, or choose between closely-related members of the same class of medication.

For most people, especially if you're starting from a place of skepticism, nobody's gonna hand you a resource you won't come up with some kind of beef with. GOOD. it means you have a critical eye. Hone that! Discard what you think is bullshit and hold on to the handful of principles in every source you think could be valuable and you will start building a base of knowledge and expertise that is practical and relevant to your own needs and context.

[isa-ah]

sure why not. nightmare rankings with context lets go

the first one ive had by far the most times.

the second was the most disorienting thing ive ever experienced.

the third the most emotionally devastating.

and the fourth the most physically reactive ive ever been to a dream.

the short of it: my mom got knocked up at 15 so i was raised by my grandparents exclusively. my grandma had breast cancer and my grandfather had really bad diabetes so i was raised to be a caregiver. i dropped out of school at 13 to be home fulltime and then a few weeks before my 18th my grandma died and a few weeks after my 18th my grandpa died.

we lived in a tiny rotting house, holes in the walls and ceiling that would let in snakes, bugs and wolf spiders, with no heating or cooling way out in the sticks. like 45 minutes outside of the nearest town which had 1 stoplight. we were living off of a single disability check every month which meant we only got to grocery shop once a month and my grandma had to give up on chemo after her cancer spread all over her body.

my grandfathers family has a history of suicide so ig it wouldnt surprise anyone to know he wanted to die before my grandma and tried to achieve this thru doing no physical therapy, eating like shit, & staunchly refusing to Ever go to the doctors or hospital. he would have huge outbursts when it was just the two of us about how hes dying too and no one cares and no one loves him and he wants to die. my grandma would likewise have outbursts where shed lock herself in the bathroom right across from my bedroom and wail that she was ugly now and no one loved her and she was dying.

as their caregiver i took a LOT of personal responsibility in trying to keep them alive. i would sleep in 30 minute intervals and wake up at the slightest noise in the house. they would stumble or fall and id have to scoop them up despite being smaller than either of them. bc my diet consisted almost completely of food i couldnt digest (that kept me in severe agony and lead to an insane nutritional deficit) i was going through one to two 32 packs of soda a week to fuel myself.

we would attempt to hire nurses but as they both got treatment in richmond almost 3 hours away the nurses would only ever come once or twice before quitting. the last one we ever had taught me how to access my grandmas port, clean it, administer the medication, and then properly close it again.

my grandma died around 4am the day we were planning to go see her. my grandfather was in the hospital at the time so we went to tell him as a family, to his face, but everyone else left the instant he started crying so i had to crawl into his hospital bed and hold him while he wailed into my neck. it was visceral.

when he came home, he really did his best though. he went to all of his doctors appointments, changed his whole diet & started doing physical therapy every day. we decided we would get through this together. we would be unstoppable. we could make it. my grandmother died in november, i turned 18 in december, and so as we hedged on new years we decided we could figure this out in the coming clean slate. we would be okay.

until i went out 4am new years morning and found him sweaty and despondent. i made a series of phonecalls promising all the while he would be okay and holding his hand as he went thru several seizures. finally, despite the emergency squads best attempts, he died right there in our living room. right in front of me, my new future was gone.

now, because i had turned 18, no one in my family was obligated to do anything with me after that. they left me in that house for months, alone, in the dead of winter with no heating or cable or anything to keep me sane.

our house had been set up so that i, the caregiver, could check on my grandparents from my bedroom door. it was muscle memory. i step out to use the bathroom across the hall and i glance left (my grandmas hospital bed) and then i glance right (my grandfathers recliner). and it didnt stop just because they were dead and i was alone.

occasionally someone would drop off pity groceries but that was it. i had no job, no license, no prospects. i was wracked with grief and guilt. this was my fault. i was their caregiver. i should have done better. i should have been better. i should have reacted faster. i should have advocated more. (i should have been an adult).

as you can imagine, those elapsing months were BAD. i think i spent most of it asleep. without cable, i had no one i could listen to speak to fill the silence of our house so i put on the first two hobbit movies- i had them on dvd- with my xbox and i played them. and played them. and played them. the entire time. i know both of them verbatim.

this is where the first nightmare were going to talk about comes in.

i would wander, late at night, out of my dark bedroom to the living room. because our house was so small, the living room was also the dining room, and had both the front and back doors in it. my grandpas tv would be on, shining a blinding blue white light into the living room that would be the only light.

our back door was a wall of glass on old sliding tracks. i would run to it, to the featureless black void beyond it, and lock it. and then i would hear the front door begin to creak open and bolt across the living room to slam the door shut and lock it too.

behind me, the back door would slide ajar.

and then again, the front door.

the locks were futile, they didnt work, and while i never saw what was outside i knew it wanted in and i knew it was bad.

isolated, that nightmare isnt anything really. its not very memorable, and from an outside perspective, its not very scary. it felt like it to me though, alone out there like that, alone in all the world and wracked with guilt and fear. it was immense to me then.

no.. beyond that, what makes that nightmare unique, is that i had it again. and again. and again. and every single time i fell asleep for the next 3 years. it didnt matter if it was one of my 30 minute overnight shift naps (because those didnt just go away when my grandparents died, that was hard wired from doing it my entire life), if it was broad daylight and i was napping in the passengers seat of a car, or if id just briefly dozed off at the keyboard.

every single time i fell asleep, i would have the same nightmare.

it would change marginally, in that sometimes my grandparents (one or both) would be sat in front of the tv. they both wore glasses so their eyes were entirely obscured by the bright white reflection of the flickering tv, and their skin would be slate blue-grey. entirely unreactive to me, or anything i said or did. sometimes id know they were dead, and others id beg them to see me. it never made a difference.

after months of being in that house, my aunt decided because shes a saint, she would take me in. but because i was 18 i was a legal adult and she had no responsibility to make sure i was okay or seen to. in the depths of manic depression, i had no idea which way was up, but she truly could not have cared less.

i lived there for two years, and while my cousins were a salve on my loneliness, their mother was horrific to me. she gaslit me so consistently, so entirely, that i would believe anything she told me. id spend five hours a day doing a list of chores shed given me, then shed come home and reveal a trap shed lain to catch me slacking off and tell me i was a useless lying piece of shit and needed to stop bullshitting that i had done anything and actually do it. so i would agree, and spend another 5 hours cleaning again. every single day i had off.

as you can imagine, i started lying about my work schedule and found excuses to spend hours upon hours at the local target, just milling around waiting until it was late enough to go home and go to bed.

it hit a head when she put her hands on my neck and demanded i thank her for being so gracious, tell her i love her, and then hug her. i called my mom after that (useless woman that she is) and begged for her to come get me.

here, at my moms house, is where the next nightmare comes into play.

as you can imagine, after two years of having the same nightmare every time i shut my eyes, i was getting wary. i didnt WANT to sleep anymore. i didnt want to keep having that dream. so armed with 2 brothers on different sleep schedules, i would waste as much time as i possibly could staying awake.

except, did you know sleep deprivation just makes nightmares worse? and avoiding your problems doesnt actually fix anything?

after months of this, i finally collapsed exhausted into bed, and experienced a new nightmare entirely.

i woke up, from my brothers bed where id fallen asleep, and wandered out into the house. it was still daylight, just like when id laid down, and i heard my mom call and ask me to do the dishes. sure. easy enough.

except, as i stand there at her sink washing the dishes, i begin to experience this creeping unease. this unreality, this shift on its axis that makes me nauseous and scared. and i call for my mom, "somethings wrong! mom! somethings wrong please come here! mom!"

to my horror, the spoon in my hands begins to melt and bend at my every touch and i stumble back from the sink. in horror, my knees give out, and i sink to the kitchen floor screaming for help, please please help me. somethings wrong with me please help me.

in a jolt, i wake up. im on the couch and its dusk out. i slept later than i meant to- way later. i check the time and its the tail end of when i was scheduled to work today. i panic, jumping to my feet and hollering at the family around me watching tv- "i work today! i was supposed to be at work! you guys know that, why didnt you wake me up!" my panic and frustration rose as i was entirely ignored and in a raw screaming instant, i jolted myself awake.

i was sitting in my brothers bed. it was daylight out, just like when i fell asleep. exhausted, but relieved the nightmares were over, i sat there with my feet planted on the floor trying to put them into words. my mom, sensing my unease, knocked on the doorframe and came to sit beside me.

"have you packed?" packed? for what? "youre going to be late." late? "youll miss the bus." what bus?

"to go visit grandma."

wait.. what? no thats- what?

"you need to pack, or youll miss the bus to go visit grandma."

thats not right. shes dead. mom- mom what are you saying? theres no- thats not-

as my unreality and fear bubble up bright in my chest, i heave myself off of the bed, and in an instant i jolt awake. laying in my brothers bed. it was daylight out, just like when i fell asleep.

i lay there, silent, still, panting. am i awake? am i awake now? what the fuck is happening to me?

slowly, i sit up on my elbows, just barely obscured by the headboard i notice something. a leathery spider egg. and as im realizing what it is, it bursts, and ten thousand tiny spiders come spilling out of it. terrified, for some idiotic reason my first response is to grab for my phone and whip out my camera. but as i bring it up, the spiders vanish. and its just me, alone in the room again.

and i realize with a horrible bottoming out that i dont know if im awake or not.

that feeling didnt go away for weeks.

id woken up drunk off of the nightmares and hallucinated the spiders- but i had been awake that time, really. it was difficult to convince myself of that, though, and the unreality just waiting to rip me up and into another false awakening plagued me for ages thereafter.

it was a really good way to make me stop depriving myself of sleep though lol ive never gotten that bad again since.

time moves on, and so do i. my mom kicked me out of my brothers room and made me sleep on a mattress in their filthy kitchen between the litter boxes and under the ants favorite window, which was my cue to leave. i moved cross country with my then-boyfriend and finally, finally, began to heal.

these last two are far more recent. one was from last year, and the other just a few nights ago.

i dreamt i was in my childhood home. my grandma had just died and it was me and my grandfather, lit only by the cool grey of an overcast sky outside. i was in the kitchen, asking what he wanted for dinner, when he began to stagger in the living room. i whipped around the corner to catch him, and before my very eyes his skin began to bruise.

theres a way, when a person dies, that the blood begins to settle wherever their skin meets the ground. dark ugly red-purple bruises, veins visible, mottled skin.

before my eyes, he was beginning to look just like he had that morning when the hospital finally let us see his body. i asked him what was wrong and he said he just needs to use the bathroom. he just needs to get to the toilet. so i walked him down the hall and into the bathroom and once the door was firmly locked between us, he told me,

"i did something i shouldnt have. those poisonous mushrooms- i ate them. im going to die."

and i realized in that moment that his insides were being liquified by the things. that his "need" to use the toilet was about to be a complete and utter disembowelment.

instantly, i reacted, trying to throw the door open with my shoulder, twisting the knob, begging him to open it. please please please. how could you do this. how could you do this to me. this isnt fair. please. we can fix it. please please we can fix it let me in.

please at least let me cook you dinner first. please.

please dont leave me.

i screamed myself hoarse and cried so hard i woke myself up. ive never had a dream make me cry so hard, for so long. it sat on my shoulders for weeks, weighing me down, putting me on a hairpin trigger for tears i hadnt been on in years. it felt like grief, raw and new, all over again.

and finally, this last one. it is in the ranking for the most physically id ever been effected by a dream. good god.

i was perched on the edge of a chair in a hospital room, staring at my grandmothers corpse. she was laid back, slanted somewhat to the side. bald, skinny, purple. i sat. and i stared.

the window over her head was pitch black, slate just like the old nightmares, and i was only ever vaguely aware of it. in a blink- literally- she was up. sat up, smiling, chubby with her wig on and her glasses perched on her head. she had done her makeup and the window behind her was lit up in the cool greys of dawn.

"well dont look at me like that- i just got here!" and with a laugh she gestured me over.

i threw my head back and called for a nurse, but when i turned back, already lifting myself out of my seat to run to her, she was again bald and slumped and darkness prevailed.

the nurse came through and sucked her teeth. "shes still dead, darlin'. i dont know what you want me to do about it." and with a sneer, she was gone again.

my eyes searched my grandmothers face, and after a few seconds of held breath, her eyelids began to roll and her lashes fluttered open. and again, she smiled at me and beckoned me closer.

collapsed onto her, exclaiming i missed you i missed you i love you. and she laughed and said the same. she gave me a kiss, then gestured me in for a hug and of course i complied. i missed her more than life and here she was, she was back, of course of course id hug her.

but as my arms scooped beneath her armpits to lift her into me, the face against my throat went cold, and hard, and the arm i had propped up swung stiff with rigor mortis and bounced off of me.

when i say that nightmare left me in a daze, im not sure how else id even put it. i was shaking head to toe, on the verge of vomiting, vision tunneling and blurring continually as i stumbled through the house. it was early- around 5am when i woke up- so i was alone. i sat down at the kitchen table and lost an hour to it.

around 6 i woke my husband up in much the same state, tear drenched and trembling, curling into myself to stay standing, and by seven he had managed to bring me back down to earth. ive never had a physical reaction like that at all, nevermind so long, and so severe. it was fcking awful.

[scientia-rex]

Okay so this is something I struggle with understanding but I dont think its like personal medical advice? So I'd figured I'd ask.

I'm used to eating like 1 meal a day right? less cause ED and more neglectful parents. but now I have people in my life encouraging me to eat more so cool but I am now confused on how much I should eat?

Am I supposed to eat until I am full? If not how do I tell I've eaten enough? To me not full equals hungry and my doctor isnt helpful cause she just gave me a diet plan for diabetics [which i am not????] and told me me puking stomach acid meant I should lose weight.

I'm genuinely confused and theres so much bullshit on the internet I dont know how to go about shit

Buddy, if you're puking stomach acid and your doctor tells you "just lose weight," a) you need to see a doctor and b) it needs to be a different doctor.

[zombeesknees]

currently in the life of the angie bee:

my sense of time is strangely broken, because it's almost 6pm but my brain is all, "gosh, it's not even noon yet!" and i have no fuckin idea why.

i've been deodorizing and washing and cleaning the house all day because i feel like there's a particularly sour smell throughout it, but now i'm wondering if it's me, and i don't know why i'm suddenly smelling so sour??? like, it's not a sweat smell, it's a sour, musty smell, and i'm still using the same shampoo and body washes i always do, and it's not as if my diet's changed significantly, so wth is going on??? IS IT A SIGN THAT I'M DYING OF SOME WEIRD DISEASE??? i know folks with diabetes sometimes smell strangely sweet, but i've never heard of something that makes you smell sour. OR IS IT ALL IN MY HEAD AND PSYCHOSOMATIC??? i'm not just gonna go up to someone and be like, "do you think i smell weird?"

quint remains one of the Characters of All-Time (and a Happy Jaws Day to all who celebrate it).

(yeah, i don't celebrate the 4th, what a bullshit holiday, we have nothing to be proud of as a country, especially these days.)

dropped $288 this morning on two and a half weeks-worth of groceries for one person. and that was buying basic, off-brand shit. how the fuck did we get to this.

slight silver lining: i have today, tomorrow, and the full weekend off, and i get to spend time with joel tomorrow AND see shara and nichole on sunday.

i set my reading goal for the year at 50 books (something i didn't come close to achieving last year, thanks to a reading block that set in in march and didn't let up for the rest of the year). and in the last two weeks i hit 54 books (almost all of them new-to-me, which is ALSO amazing). my unmedicated ADHD bullshit may still be preventing me from watching new shows and movies, but at least it's eased off on the reading front.

a new dude joined our book club this week and he's CUTE and likes fantasy and is a high school social studies/history teacher, and we discussed character archetypes for like ten minutes. maybe next club meeting i'll actually give him my number and ask him out.

wimsey has spent a full week in the flower donut collar thanks to scratching his chin raw and bloody. vet recced treating him with revolution in case it's because of mites, washing the wound with a special antibiotic flush, and keeping him in the collar until everything's fully healed/his fur grows back in. makes for a hella grompy flower:

god, leverage really is just the best show. doesn't matter how many times i watch it; i'm forever delighted and impressed with just how well written/constructed/everything it is. that's my emotional support family of thieves, your honor.

i'm getting SO CLOSE to filling out the final gaps in the current sections of my hazeldine WIP, and i really do think i'm gonna have to split it into two volumes instead of making it all vol. 6 as i had originally planned. but IF i do that, that means vol. 6 is gonna HAVE to end on a significant cliffhanger, which i typically try to avoid. (yes, technically all of the previous vols have ended on cliffhangers, since this is a continuing story spread over several volumes. but they haven't been LITERAL cliffhangers, with someone on the verge of death or something.) i don't like when books in a series i'm reading do that, so i try not to inflict that on my own readers. but perhaps i can mitigate it slightly by making sure both vols 6 AND 7 are fully polished/ready for printing, and release them like a month apart or something, so there isn't a huge wait in between...

FINALLY finished the replacement cross-stitch sampler of lighthouses for a gal from work (the first one got lost in the mail beginning of last month). now i can continue working on the Yee Dudes series for my bud jordan <3

but also i'm gonna try to design a pattern for myself re: a dracula joke that keeps popping into my head: descending the castle, lizard-fashion. i'm probably the only person who is THIS delighted/amused by that joke, but i'll enjoy stitching something for myself for a change, lol.

[hypothalamusmumbai]

Discover personalized cancer diet meals in Mumbai designed to support and nourish patients. Explore the best healthy food for cancer patients, tailored for optimal well-being during their journey to recovery.