#disabled to the point of being unable to walk

[lavyyulu]

Don't go to Rakua, kids. You might end up severely disabled, alone and miserable

[absentlyabbie]

i'll tell you what converted me to being all-in on keeping cats indoors only:

living for a year and a half in a rural area with a sudden feral cat colony explosion on the property.

i moved in with my folks for a bit and at that time, one (1) stray cat mama had taken up residence on the property, but was too feral to let my mother anywhere near her. but especially after she brought three kittens around, mom fed her and the kittens in hopes they'd grow trusting enough she could catch for spay and neuter at the minimum. momcat stayed mean and hella wary, but the kittens would hang around a little nearer and play with my mom via long stick, but still wouldn't come close enough to touch or catch.

unfortunately, two of the three kittens were girls and started having kittens of their own before further progress was made, shortly after i moved in. and that was pretty much instant doom.

there were so many kittens. SO MANY. multiple litters. every time we turned around, more kittens.

we fed them. we hunted for and located the kittens every time anywhere on the property and would move them to a repurposed doghouse anytime a mama cat had them somewhere else, so that they could grow up human-socialized and we could spay/neuter them when they were old enough. (also it was a handy tactic to push the issue of the mamas getting more used to/trusting of us themselves. only really worked with one of them, though.)

and we watched them die.

we watched litter after litter of kittens never make it to the age they could be spayed or neutered. the moms stayed, for the longest time, too skittish to more than briefly touch, much less catch and crate for a vet visit.

it sounds like a silly joke to say i have kitten-related ptsd, but i absolutely do.

too many goddamn times i'd walk out of the garage and find the carport and gravel drive strewn with tiny bodies. others simply went missing, never to be found.

one in particular, i wish i hadn't found, and the visual literally haunts me still, almost a decade later.

i saw so many kittens die of snake bite, spider bite, wild dogs, birds of prey, hit by cars, respiratory illness, covered in fleas and eyes crusted with infection.

and we loved them all. scrimped for antibiotics if the vet could be convinced to give it to us despite our being unable to bring them in. bought flea collars and ointments. we cared for them and fed them and petted them and played with them, brushed their fur and cleaned up their little faces, put ice in their water in hot summer, rigged a heating lamp in their house in the winter.

and they died. horribly. that property is pocked with unmarked graves of kittens and cats.

all the best intentions, not enough resources, and it didn't matter anyways because the population went from three to almost twenty (at times, over thirty) in the blink of an eye.

they died and died and died. our hearts broke over and over again. the stress and anxiety wore us down like sandpaper. i think, by the end of it all, we managed to find less than 10 of them all homes, including batman the disabled kitten i found a home across the country through tumblr.

it was carnage and tragedy, frankly. and we were helpless.

it only ended because they started dying faster than they could be born, and because we finally caught the two remaining mom cats in traps and got them spayed.

the points about outdoor cats being invasive predators devastating to local wildlife populations is true and valid and important.

but i know cat people, and cat people who don't know better than to let cats outdoors. what matters to you is the cat itself, generally. the cat being happy and taken care of.

keeping cats outdoors, letting them outdoors, is not taking care of the cats. it's not protecting them. it's not giving them any happiness or invigoration that couldn't be provided to them as indoor-only pets with just a little research and effort.

they die. they get ill. they get hurt. they're at risk of predators, and cars, and disease, and carelessly cruel children and deliberately cruel adults. they're at risk of disappearing on you because someone else saw a cat outdoors and intervened to give it a better, safer life not in conflict with the local environment.

and if that offends and angers you that someone would just take a cat they saw roaming outdoors, even collared, and that it sounds like i'm endorsing that, i am, but not if you intervene and be that person yourself for your own cat.

if what matters to you is doing right by your cat because it's family and a living creature whose happiness and health and safety is important to you,

keep them indoors. not part time. always. exclusively.

edit: since apparently i need to clarify this, i'm saying cats should live inside, that they should not live outdoors, even part time. visiting the outdoors supervised on a leash or in an enclosed catio is not the same as even part-time living outside, and i am certainly not advocating against it.

[doberbutts]

Anyway yes, people who can X should be accomodating to people who can't X. People who can walk should accomodate people who can't. People who can hear should accomodate people who can't. People who can see should accomodate people who can't. And on and on. When that doesn't happen, it's a problem that deserves to be talked about.

But the problem is not and has never been "physical disabilities are more important and deserve more accomodations than mental disabilities"- nor the other way around either.

People love to dunk on folks with ADD/ADHD but you know? As someone with ADD raised by diabetic parents I gotta say there's a lot of similarities here. People with ADD, myself included, often forget to eat and when they do eat they often load themselves up with carbs and sugars because those foods make their brains feel good. People with diabetes have to closely monitor their meals and often crave sugars and need a blend of sugary and protein-rich snacks on hand. This is not to say ADD and diabetes are exact one-to-one disabilities.

But having grown up watching my parents manage their diabetes, I too am very aware of meal times and blood sugar and constructing meals that will tide you over and having a blend of sugary and protein-rich snacks on hand Just In Case. I am able to manage my ADD better in this way because I have experience from watching my parents. I also need access to snacks and to be able to say to my boss "I need to go eat something real fast" without being punished.

I had a training client who was the image of "able bodied mentally ill" outside of the usual creaks and squeaks associated with age, her body worked just fine. But after a series of incidents in her youth- a car accident that left her with a serious brain injury, coming home from the hospital afterwards to immediately have her house broken into and herself raped by an intruder, and assorted medical malpractice while she was healing from both- she has a serious and extreme case of agoraphobia and spent the next 40 years completely unable to leave the house. She would hide and wail and scream when deliveries of groceries and other goods would come, because it meant a stranger (and usually a man) would be at her door. She could not go more than a couple steps outside to get her mail and especially not if other people were outside.

At some point her therapist suggested getting a pet, one that *had* to go outside, to help her. So she got a dog and contacted a trainer (me) and we got to work. And she did improve! The dog has been a huge help to managing her symptoms! But you cannot seriously expect me to have worked with this woman for years and then belittle mental illnesses as being lesser when this woman also shares the inability to even leave her house let alone go inside a grocery store. Even today there are times when she simply cannot, she cannot will her body to move out of her door and into transportation let alone into the building.

When she first started coming to me she thanked me for not belittling her or making her feel bad for classes she had to cancel because she couldn't force herself to take the first step over the threshold. That is when she told me what happened to her and that while it sounds terrible she was really happy to have found a trainer who knew something personal about trauma and brain injuries. She is also a case where I feel her ESA should be considered service dog not because of training or tasking but because her need is so high and she is just completely incapable of doing anything without the dog in her arms.

Anyway I think of her any time someone says "but you can walk through the door". There's nothing wrong with her legs so in theory sure she could. But often she *can't*, not because of anything physical, but because she is very severely mentally ill.

[semiotomatics]

yeah okay lets talk abt this (sorry it got long i needed to vent lol)

okay so. the basics: started getting pretty severe back pain in 2013 when i started having to stand for 8 hours at a time at my job. ended up getting a workers comp claim filed and going to physio, where they taught me some exercises to strengthen my core/other muscles + got those like, deep tissue/pressure point massages w heat or w/e. but the workers comp only lasted like a couple months or smth so i stopped going after that

fast forward to summer 2015 n im at a local street festival n a chiropractor is offering free x-rays + consult for ppl experiencing back pain. well! i absolutely was still experiencing back pain! so i got said free x-rays n at the consult learned that i had 1) scoliosis 2) a tilted pelvis and 3) an extra lumbar vertebrae. he (ofc) recommended i start getting treated by him but a) my medical at the time didnt cover chiropractors and b) iiiii didnt really have the best opinion of chiropractic uhhh anything xD so i declined

over the next seven years my back pain got worse and worse, and i developed pain basically throughout my entire body, with the worst of it centring around my lower back/knees/ankles/feet. in late 2020 i finally got fitted for custom orthotics during which the...guy-who-gets-you-fitted-for-orthotics noted i had "some of the flattest feet he had ever seen" (possibly also some of the most flexible ankles he had ever seen as well, i cant remember lol). i already knew i had flat feet (obvs) n suspected my ankles were fucked up but it was v validating to hear him confirm that both of these things would increase my chances of experiencing back/knee/ankle/foot pain. unfortunately, i got those orthotics shortly after getting laid off from work n ended up not working again till almost a year later so i wasn't really able to like, test them out for a while, and by the time i did and found out they didnt really help, my free adjustment period had ended :(

alongside the chronic back/joint pain i also started experiencing sciatic nerve pain as well as routinely "throwing out" my back (idk if i pinch a nerve or tear a muscle or what but im basically bedbound for like. a week or more and if i move or use that muscle at all its the most excruciating pain ive ever experienced in my life). in late summer 2022 i "threw out my back" while volunteering n ended up walking on it for like. a couple hours afterwards which uhhhhhhhhh fucked me up severely. the pain started radiating out from my back into my hips/legs, and my hips literally just straight up stopped moving/working right anymore. i was walking like, not with a limp but almost like with a weird sway to my hips? aaaaand my scoliosis reversed itself!!! where before my spine had curved to one side, all of a sudden it was curving the other way!! and the curve was much more noticeable just by looking at my silhouette in the mirror than it ever had been before!! which was not a thing i thought could happen!! so like, what the fuck!!

i ended up getting prescribed prescription-strength muscle relaxants as well as prescription-strength naproxen for that injury, which was a godsend, but i also was motivated, mostly by the whole scoliosis-reversal thing, to actually get my back checked out by someone to see wtf was going on. so i went to a local clinic (i have no pcp) and explained my situation to the dr, basically everything ive just described here.

and he said. and i quote "well, losing weight would help with that"

.

you guys.

when i tell you that i burst into tears

i burst into tears in that room and begged him, begged him to help me find out what was wrong. i told him the pain was preventing me from working, preventing me from running errands, preventing me from living. i told him i was feeling actively suicidal because of both the pain itself and how it was destroying my life.

finally, after listening to all that, he said, exasperated: "well what do you want me to do?"

and i said "please, can you just refer me to get an x-ray to see what's going on with my back"

so he did. and i went and got an x-ray a few days later. i asked the tech there if i could get a copy of them and she said to wait until they were sent to the doctors office and request copies from them, so i did. when they hadn't called me back in a couple weeks i called them asking if they had received them yet. they said no. i asked if they would call me when they did. they said yes.

they never did.

that was in december 2022. then 2023 happened and i just. i gave up yall. i gave up on ever getting a fucking answer for why i was in so much pain, let alone ever being able to fix it. even after my breakdown this summer which finally led to me starting on antidepressants and then therapy, i still didnt have a shred of faith that id ever be able to get any dr to give a shit abt the debilitating pain i had spent the last decade of my life experiencing

and then. finally. this week. i was just like. fuck it. whats the email of that clinic. and i found it, and i emailed them asking for copies of my x-rays, if they still had them. and they responded! the very next day! unfortunately they only gave me the...i assume radiologists? findings rather than the x-rays themselves (im gonna write back seeing if/how i can get those, cause i do still want them for my records). but still!! oh my god!! its been an entire calendar year but i finally got to find out what the results were!!

so the extra lumbar vertebrae i knew already. the rest i was kinda surprised to hear cause like? ive seen my 2015 x-rays and they clearly showed my scoliosis/tilted pelvis? so i assumed this would too? but who knows! it had been seven years! also the first set were done standing up, while these ones were done lying down, so idk how that might affect things. in any case, i decided to google this "presumed lumbarization of S1 vertebra", just to see what came up

yall.

yall.

so like!!! okay!!! when i was told the whole "having an extra lumbar vertebra was fine and wouldn't cause back pain" thing that was just straight up false i guess!! and when i went to the dr and told him i had low back pain + scoliosis + an extra lumbar vertebra he should've!! perhaps!! investigated further!!

i cannot explain to you how furious this makes me. whether this is the exclusive cause of my back pain, a contributing cause, hell, even if its a complete red herring. every source i read indicated that if a patient presents with chronic severe low back pain AND known structural abnormalities (like literally all of mine!!) that they should fucking consider that perhaps those two things are related!! they should AT FUCKING LEAST try to rule them out as causes!!!!!!! they definitely shouldnt tell their (not in any way overweight btw) patient to lose weight!!!!!! fuck!!!!!

anyway. in the new year i am going to try again to get a dr to take me seriously. and maybe they wont. maybe ill have to cry and beg again for them to give me the basic standard of care. but fuck!! im not going to give up until SOMEONE agrees to actually figure out what the fuck is wrong with me!! i don't want to be in pain anymore!!! i just fucking dont!!!!!!!

HOLY SHIT

fucking. fuck.

i dont have the energy/mental bandwidth to properly explain rn but i just Learned Something abt my body that could explain a biiiiiig part of the issues ive been having

and the fact that im only learning it now, in december 2023 at the age of almost-30, has me. fuming

i legitimately want every single apathetic/lazy/misogynistic/fucking ableist healthcare professional to die!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[beuxwhoyouare]

The Innovation

We stood in a line waiting for Jordan to make his way towards us one by one.

“What’s your name, height, age, and role?” Jordan, the tall scientist and my relatively new friend asked me in a way that felt colder than our usual interactions.

“Riley Michael Kingston. I’m 5’ 10” 28 years old and I’m a research assistant.”

The latest cuts left our university’s research labs unable to pay lab participants. We had to get thrifty so some of the research assistants stepped up to be participants in one another’s projects. Admittedly I got to take part in one of the coolest ones left here. The creation of a semi-autonomous exoskeleton meant to help disabled people do things they currently couldn’t.

Jordan was so different outside of the lab, it was so weird to see him being so professional instead of being just chill. Up until this point we’ve tested limbs individually but today was going to be our first full exoskeleton tests. He’s been so busy this week working on preparations. Truthfully I didn’t know the full suit would require this much more prep but up until this point it’s been a pretty calm experience. Just coming in and doing remedial physical therapy routines with a mechanical limb for an hour.

Today we were apparently doing much more than that but I didn’t know how far we were going. I walked in to see the full exoskeleton hung up on hooks and wires.

“Strip down to your underwear, I have to place a few nodes on you to prepare you properly.” Jordan calmly directed.

“Oh? I didn’t know we were getting this intimate today. Also I thought this was an EXO-skeleton. Meaning it goes outside my limbs. It looks like you build a whole mechanical body?” I noted.

“It’s a lot more complicated than just an exoskeleton study. Also you’re gonna feel a little pinch with this neck node. It has a needle for monitoring. Don’t worry it won’t hurt once it’s in.”

Before I could interject to ask more, I felt the node get stabbed in.

Jordan guided me to an upright platform and instructed me to get onto it face forward to not obstruct the nodes. In an IV in my hand he injected something before I could question him again.

“Count backwards from 200.” Jordan told me.

I didn’t know I was going to be knocked out for this? But it was too late to object, I just obliged ignorantly. Before I knew it, I passed out but almost immediately I felt awake again, minus the sight. It felt like the haziness of a dream but the clarity of being awake.

“Oh he’s waking up, wait here. Riley you’re awake, good. Lemme turn that on so you can see again.” Jordan said coldly once again.

What does that even mean? Before I could ask, my sight returned but it felt very sharp? Like artificial and digital, very impersonal.

I tried to get up and move but was held back by the hooks…..and wires? Huh? As I tried to look down all I could see was translucent white covering a bunch of white wires. I was on the opposite side of the room I was on previously.

“What’s going on?” I said in a voice that sounded amplified more than projected through a diaphragm.

“Well it’s part of the experiment. I’m not exactly making an exoskeleton. The goal has been two pronged. One, to create a new corporal form to let people with terminal illnesses live longer and not be robbed of their lives. And two, program a learning model that can exist inside existing bodies of criminals that receive the death penalty. A perfectly good body shouldn’t go to waste just because the wrong person is piloting it. This way we can expedite reform. Take the broken parts out and put a brand new upstanding citizen back into the world.”

Riley put one and two together as he struggled on the wires. Part one of the experiment worked clearly. Somehow he was consciously inside of the full robotic body. But what about part two?

“…so if I’m part one did part two work?” I said as angry as this form would let me sound.

“Well let’s find out.” Jordan said walking across the lab to the area I was previously in.

“Okay open your eyes.”

The learning model doing as it was told like it’s programmed to do. Without the restrictive parameters of wiring, it looked down and managed to tilt its new form upward from the hooks. It raised its new head and looked right at Jordan with an empty look at its face that almost registered as a puppy dog face.

“Your name is Riley Michael Kingston. You are 5’ 10” 28 years old and you’re a research assistant. Please repeat your information and introduce yourself to this machine.” Jordan said as gesturing to me as he guided my former body in front of me to be able to see.

“Oh and take off your shirt.” Jordan slyly requested as a maniacal grin rose on his face knowing his request would be enacted.

“Hello. I am Riley Michael Kingston. I’m 5’ 10” 28 years old and I’m a research assistant.”

There were no organs inside of me but I was the closest I could be to feeling my stomach drop.

“Riley please go put on the clothes in that box over there we have to test your cognitive abilities. I need to speak to this machine briefly.” Jordan said, his words digging into me like a knife.

“Jordan I’m glad this all worked but what are you doing? Why didn’t you tell me this was the extent of the exp-“

“That’s enough.” Jordan flipped a switch turning off the hanging exoskeleton.

“Okay ‘Riley’ let’s see how much muscle retention there is in your new form.”

Jordan instructed the new Riley meticulously through an extensive exercise routine. The learning model may be good at listening but it’s not good at autonomy and human limits. His body yearned for water and a break but he continued to push it. As he broke a sweat, a limit was reached during a bench press that almost ended deadly. The new Riley knew it reached its limit and defied Jordan’s command for the first time.

Jordan was surprised at the first sign of autonomy and noted it. As he began firing question after question to ‘Riley’ about why he stopped. Jordan realized the learning model was quite literally learning limits and its own autonomy and realized it was evolving faster than he could’ve expected. He simultaneously feared the breakthrough while also fearing losing the new ‘Riley’s’ naivety.

“Alright let’s go for a swim. Put this on.” Jordan rushed to the pool for selfish motives.

Riley’s body was insane and Jordan knew the real Riley never saw him as anything more than someone he worked with. But Jordan couldn’t let that just be. As the learning model robotically maneuvered his new human form in front of Jordan, the scientist objectified his former colleague knowing there would no longer be repercussions. As they arrived to the private research pool Jordan instructed the model to turn around. He approached the new Riley and planted a kiss on his motionless lips.

There was no reciprocation and he knew he had to take matters into his own hands. He began graphically describing his dream night of carnal embrace with Riley to the learning model. Giving it a play by play on what to do, down to the kiss, the tongue motion, slight neck grab, exploratory hand movements, and even the moments they would both get hard. The moment Jordan said go, the learning model enacted every single action described.

Once Jordan unsheathed the speedo he forced ‘Riley’ to wear. He wickedly grimaced at the girthy sight before opening it to welcome the thick new pole down his throat. This was everything he ever wanted.

[ratindividual]

As someone with a mild disability to the knee and can't walk very long without feeling pain all through the leg and hip, people saying Viktor's own is a flaw and need to be cured asap because it's painful kinda misses the point of it all.

When Jayce said this:

He's not saying Viktor shouldn't have tried to find a cure to the pain or any ailment, he is saying Viktor was not flawed because he is disabled, which is what Viktor think.

"[...] what you thought were weaknesses." this is important to note, Jayce here doesn't share the same sentiment, he does not think it as a weakness, but part of a whole package that comes with someone (in that case, Viktor) Jayce took him like he was, and adored him.

A weakness is something you need to destroy before it gets to you, and sometimes, you will do unspeakable things to achieve it.

Viktor was never broken, imperfections make who he is, and by definition, makes every human.

Perfection does not exist, it is our emotions, our contradictions, our differences that make it incredible, human being are messy by design, we are a collectivity of incredibly diverse people and deserve respect!

It is not a flaw, it's a condition he lives with, which makes him singular, and that same disability constructed who he is, too: his drive, his mind, his resilience, his care and utter empathy for others, which are traits that Jayce admire most of it all!!! He says it himself:

It is his heart, his humanity, everything that Viktor think as a nuisance, that Jayce wants to preserve. He loves him for it, instead of despite it, and he finds him beautiful, both physically and mentally, it was never a question for him!

His unwavering compassion to push further, his ambitions, because he loves him. Jayce is an emotional, empathetic man, he values connection above all, and he understands.

He's saying Viktor has always been perfect to him because of it all. We humans are flawed, this is the inevitability of being conscious and alive.

Which is why this, this is very important:

Jayce knows Viktor, at this point, had lost his way. Empathy cannot work under the false prism of selflessness if it makes you believe that choice is an illusion, thus making it for others.

Jayce believes in choices, and knows that the people Viktor saves are, by proxy, unable to have any agency over their own fate, which is exactly the most important theme going on with Viktor throughout all two seasons. Viktor wants to take back control over his own self, while simultaneously pushing this on others who need help too.

I am convinced Jayce would have been more than fine with Viktor tweaking himself because he wants it, he was on board in season 1, he actually made the change himself in a misguided attempt to save the man he loves at the start of season 2. (which is very interesting, considering his feelings made him do something he himself sanctions such as resurrecting his soulmate, I love his contradictions so much)

He understands the desperation, the want to have a better life. But he doesn't want it to strip other's people individuality and Viktor's own sense of self, ripping his heart out for the sake of flawlessness.

He knows, too, the price of the perfect world Viktor wants to create. An endless loop of loneliness, mourning a man that is but a shell of himself, conscious through the hive but not him. His essence gone. A cross too heavy to bear.

And yet, Jayce never stopped loved him, never stopped fighting for him to understand how much he values him and respects him, worshiping the literal ground under his feet!!

Even in his godly form, he is head over heels for him!!! Look at how Viktor looks!! While talking face to face with this Eldritch incarnation, he remembers how Viktor used to look down memory lane, and it was still as majestic and grandiose, even!

It's why he confesses in the first place. He is in love with him through it all. His body changed, but it is still Viktor. He loves him wholly, every part of him! No matter where it takes them, no matter what he looks like.

Jayce loves Viktor with everything he has and no matter what comes their way. An unwavering, tangible loyalty.

[bikenesmith]

Despite [Xavier’s] previous insistence that he is only whole when able-bodied, he comes to terms very quickly with his return to disability: “My back is shattered, a parting gift from the Shadow King… It appears… if I am ever to achieve my dream… I will need all of you… to walk me there” (Nicieza 23). In the span of a single panel, Xavier acknowledges that he is once again disabled, accepts it, and asks his teammates for help. Due to his previous elation at becoming able-bodied, one would think he would require more time to adjust, to shift his identity once more from “able-bodied” to “differently-abled.” The ease in which Professor X resumes his disabled identity lends itself to the notion that being able-bodied, not disabled, is a plot device. He takes more time to adjust to using his legs than he does to losing them, a pattern generally reversed when other characters become disabled. This smooth transition back to disability implies that his truest identity is as a disabled man.

crippled crusaders: disability representation in the superhero genre by cassandra nicol is a central inspiration to my reading of charles xavier's disability (as is the text itself). is charles ever "re-abled”, or is his disability a chronic illness that dramatically waxes + wanes?

(this is a rewrite/expansion of a previous post that includes many more textual examples + visual aides! also posted on twitter here)

(also check out this amazing xxplastic--cubexx commission ouchpotatoex gifted me that is related to this concept 🥹)

the dominant, most objective[?] read is that charles becomes abled, is disabled, + becomes abled again ad nauseam. yet this narrative trend has also licensed a reading where charles’ disability is, functionally, a chronic illness that flares due to outward stimuli.

whether charles’ paraplegia is due to physical injury or a brain/astral issue isn’t clear, having been complicated over the years by the many ways the text chooses to able + re-disable him. in any case, his paraplegia began after his spine was crushed by a giant rock.

what makes the most sense to me is leaning into that ambiguity. its both — either mental or physical injury/ailment can cause him disablement. the back + forth of charles’ paraplegia signifies he’s uniquely in danger of that specific symptom — paraplegia/spine issues.

like injury or damage to the spine, injury or damage to the brain can lead to quadriplegia or paraplegia. the brain + the spine, the central nervous system, they’re basically extensions of each other, and are some of the most important parts of your body.

from this one can extrapolate that charles has a particularly “weak” spine, and it’s likely to give out if he experiences intense physical OR psionic injury. and as an x-man, he risks that quite often.

before i go further, here's a list of all of charles xavier's ablements + disablements & how they happened. 😭 yes that's an ELEVEN POINT LIST. re: resurrections i counted both his x-force + inferno resurrections as one item. let me know if i missed anything.

methods of disablement + re-ablement

disabled by spinal injury

abled* from new body cloned from tissue

disabled by spinal injury

very briefly abled by contraction of techno-organic virus

disabled by fading of techno-organic virus

briefly abled** by xorn's healing

disabled by xorn removing healing

reabled by wanda's depowering

killed by cyclops

transfers soul into fantomex's abled body

resurrected into abled clone bodies

*: unable to walk for a time due to psychic disablement

**: requires cane to walk

the strongest evidence for charles’ disability as psychic/neurological AND physical chronic illness exists in his story beats post-brood saga, during which his body is destroyed and his soul is transferred into an abled clone-body made from his tissue samples.

however, charles finds that he is not able to walk/walk consistently, despite the fact that there is nothing "wrong" with this new body. in these panels (and in the ones in the coming tweets), charles + lilandra discuss the mental/neurological element of his disability at length.

charles goes through an arduous physical therapy process trying to circumvent the mental barrier, which causes him excruciating pain, and experiences sharp fluctuations in ambulatory ability. it’s basically outright said that his disability is not just in his body, but his brain.

(interestingly, soon after, his health is a central subject once again, after he survives a violent hate crime & hides the injury + resulting health issues. those health issues are then exacerbated by another severe injury at the hands of the strucker twins. thus headmaster mags)

i also think the “ease” with which charles moves from ability one state to another that nicol mentions is important to this. to be clear: we have seen charles agonize over his disability, and especially losing his ability. it’s undeniable that it impacts him emotionally.

but charles doesn’t go through the intense “grieving” process many newly disabled ppl do — the kind he went through himself while recovering from his first spinal injury (see uncanny x-men #309). as nicol points out:

In Xavier's next appearance two issues later, he is seated in a golden wheelchair and seems insistent that his disability not hinder his participation in X-Men adventures. Instead he emphasizes his usefulness with his telepathic powers, declaring, "I too shall be coming. Though I am crippled once again, my particular talents may be needed there" (Portacio and Byrne 6). His disabled status is stressed through a visual weight of the word "crippled," both bolded and italicized in the comic panel, similar to how "whole" was stressed when he became able-bodied in 1983. But here, "crippled" is not laden with judgment. It is merely an acknowledgement of Xavier's condition. This smooth transition back to disability in some ways rectifies his description of "able-bodied" as "whole," as Charles insists that even paraplegic once more, he is still more than capable of being an X-Man, and he is still the most powerful mutant in the world. Regardless of the state of his physical body, Charles knows that his disability need not impose limitations on his actions; he harnesses his role as leader of the X-Men and his disability is, effectively, relegated to background information.

of course, this is in part because charles had already been paraplegic for years, but it can also be read as him just being ready for it. seeing it as an eventuality, a familiar state that he will return to throughout his life. a chronic disability that exists whether or not he can walk.

There is one more major instance in which Professor X becomes able-bodied. In 2002, a mutant named Xorn restores Xavier's ability to walk (Morrison, "All Hell" 32). This is the most short-lived instance of Xavier being able-bodied. Only a year later, Xorn is revealed to be Magneto in disguise, one of Professor X's oldest enemies; Xorn removes the nano-sentinels that had been holding Xavier's spine together, crippling him again (Morrison, "Planet X" 19). Later, once freed from captivity, Xavier reappears in a chair with alien-like legs, giving him 21 autonomous movement (Morrison, "Phoenix Invictus" 27). This time, he makes no mention of his return to paraplegia. He is in full command of the X-Men, and has again made a smooth identity transition from "able-bodied" to "differently-abled." The fact that this occurs once more stresses that to be disabled is part of Charles Xavier's truest identity, and that being able-bodied is a temporary plot point rather than a character trait.

so what does this mean in the krakoan age, the most recent and recognizable instance of charles' "abling"? we've already been shown that a newly grown physical body doesn't necessarily mean that it does not come without his disability.

is the disability a “symptom” of charles' telepathy? is it imprinted in his mind/soul/whatever you want to call what cerebro catalogues, or the form charles takes when transferring into new bodies? is a krakoan-made body uniquely "stronger" than past ones? (R-LDS notwithstanding)

throughout all of krakoa era, there’s never been any mention of what charles feels about making his bodies ambulatory. the closest thing we have to that is the knowledge that he brought his own wheelchairs with him to krakoa (which somewhat supports a "chronic illness" reading, at least).

the fact that charles brought his wheelchairs with him to krakoa.....in a paradise allegedly free of death or sickness he still prepares for his needs to change, as if its an immutable part of him that could resist miracle drugs + literal resurrection.

(but isn't it SO classic x-men bullshit that we only get that insight in the backdrop of an ableist plot where a villain is punished and humiliated.....by being dis-abled? lmfao. in duggan's marauders, disability is considered a punishment worse than death.)

via xuân’s resurrection in new mutants, we know that its possible to have your physical disability preserved when you’re resurrected. so it must have been an active choice of charles' to be resurrected into an abled body.

personally, i find charles' choice to be resurrected in an abled body to be in-character. he's done it before, he frequently mourns his ability to walk, & has always enjoyed running + abled sports. the lack of discussion and attention to this choice is the problem.

imo the best outcome for charles, an iconic disabled character w/ a long complex history w/ his disability, is to canonize this complexity by revisiting the aforementioned story beats and reframing his disability as an intrinsic part of him that he experiences whether he is ambulatory or not.

understanding charles xavier's disability as a chronic disability that simply has fluctuating presentations + support needs is a far more compelling idea than continuing with this on-off-switch thing that only serves to trivialize + erase disability.

some last points:

beyond charles' specific issues, telepathy can by itself already be seen as a disability as it causes issues that are similar to neurological disorders (migraines, fatigue, fainting, pain, visions/hallucinations, etc).

the serum plotline in xmdofp (2014) is clowned on for not making sense but i guess this lowkey works as an argument that it does??? charles' physical disability being connected to his telepathy has precedent. "well in the comics — ☝️🤓"

end of post! if you want to read cassandra nicol's paper check it out here! (if you don't have access to it through a library or institution, message me for a pdf!)

[chronicallycouchbound]

I feel like people often don’t talk about the experiences of disabled people who have caretakers because so much of the conversation is about us—not including us.

I receive in home care for 30 hours a week (+ 4 hours/week for respite). This is paid for by Medicaid (state insurance). Outside of paid hours, my primary caretakers care for me unpaid and assist me most of the time. I’m very rarely left alone due to my high support needs. Often, when I am left alone, I am completely bedridden or at minimum housebound. I have frequent emergency life threatening health problems, falls, and serious injuries even with support in place, and these things significantly increase when I’m on my own.

I’m extremely lucky that my paid caretakers are my partner, my sister (the only family member I have regular contact with, I’m estranged from the rest of my immediate family and most of my extended family) and my best friend.

I used to have agency staffing which was horrible for me and borderline traumatic. At several points, before doing the self directed care option (which allows me to choose my own staff, hire and train them myself and dictate hours for them), I opted to not have any staffing. I was regularly in the emergency room. I can’t drive, so I was having to walk and if I was lucky enough to be able to take the bus on occasion or get a ride from a Facebook acquaintance, they were few and far in between. I don’t have family support, and even my sister who is supportive wasn’t living in the state at the time and doesn’t have a car most of the time.

And before I could even choose which staffing option, even though medically it had been deemed essential for me to have in home care, even though my insurance covered it, I had to wait several years (I was 18 when I was approved) until I was 21 to qualify to start. The reason why: I was legally an “adult disabled child” because of my high support needs (which is funny because I STILL don’t have SSI at age 24) and thus legally unable to consent to my own care plan. I needed a blood relative to consent, and that same blood relative (who had to have proof of such!) couldn’t care for me. At the time, my sister was the only person who could’ve been my caregiver and also she is the only verifiable blood relative I have contact with for safety reasons, and my only relative on this side of the USA.

The first business day after my 21st birthday I immediately got things set up to get in home care.

This is out of date, I get assistance with more than just these highlighted ADL (activities of daily living) tasks now.

In short: my day-to-day life is entirely dependent on others.

And there’s power imbalances that exist between me and my caregivers, even with my current caregivers being amazing and anti-ableist. They will always exist. We talk about the power dynamics of me being dependent on them for my survival, and how heavy that weight can be for each of us.

Having caregivers often means that accessibility is extra difficult— I’ve been told straight up multiple times that I can’t have assistance from my caregivers to help me change in a changing room when we’re out shopping. That they can’t go into the bathroom with me, that they can’t help me get un/dressed during appointments, that they can’t come into spaces with me.

I’ve been denied access to psychiatric care because I can’t do my daily living tasks (ADLs- the highlighted items) independently. And when I’m in a hospital or emergency room, I can’t have my in home workers be paid to care for me, there’s an expectation that the nursing staff at the hospital will do it. Even though my caregivers were specifically trained to learn my body and needs for weeks and have been working with me for years. I have severe cPTSD and showering in front of a stranger is something I cannot do. I would rather fall or faint or get injured or just not shower than deal with that. But I’m expected to just let anyone have access to my body just because I’m physically disabled and need support.

When I faint/fall/get injured/have life threatening health issues arise while I’m not clothed, or when I’m otherwise vulnerable, I’m supposed to let strangers just touch me however they want to. I have to show them my chest (for my cardiac care) and let them poke and examine me. I can’t object without losing access to vital care.

I have agency. I have rights. I have autonomy. I deserve to be able to exercise these things.

[theuntoldstorythatneedsawriter]

More then enough 🦽

Mapi León x reader x Ingrid Engen

warning : disability 🕶🦻

Summary :

Being a wheelchair user, you're afraid your girlfriends will love you less.

The sun dipped low over the horizon, casting a golden glow over the pitch. The girls had just finished their training session, and Mapi and Ingrid stood by the sidelines, both laughing and chatting as they packed up their gear. The atmosphere around them was warm and light, hearted, despite the hard work they’d put in. But their eyes constantly flickered over to the stands, where you sat, watching with your usual gentle smile.

You had been in their life for a while now, ever since you met Mapi at a charity event she attended a few months ago. You were disabled, using a wheelchair after a car accident left you unable to walk, but that never stopped you from living fully, embracing every moment with joy and a sense of adventure. Mapi had been drawn to that strength in you, the way you approached life with so much heart despite everything you'd gone through.

The three of you had clicked almost immediately. Mapi's fierce energy, Ingrid's calm, soothing nature, and your own witty humor and zest for life had created the perfect dynamic. Mapi was fiery and protective, always making sure you felt included and cared for, while Ingrid’s gentleness brought a comforting peace, like a calming wave that soothed all your worries.

Today, as you waited for them to finish their session, you couldn’t help but feel a little self-conscious. Though you tried not to let your disability affect your confidence, there were days when you wondered if you were enough for them. Two incredible athletes, constantly moving and living in ways you could no longer do.

As you looked down at your hands, lost in thought, Mapi’s voice pulled you from your reverie.

- Holà, cariño, what are you thinking about?

You glanced up, finding both Mapi and Ingrid now standing in front of you, their eyes full of concern. Mapi knelt down to be at your eye level, while Ingrid took her place beside you, gently resting a hand on your shoulder. You hesitated before answering, biting your lip.

- Just… wondering if you guys ever feel like you’re missing out, being with me. You’re always on the go, always so active, and I—well, I can’t do the things you do.

Mapi's brows furrowed, and her hands found yours, gripping them tightly.

- Don’t say that. You’re never a burden, cariño. We don’t want you to be anyone else. We love you exactly as you are.

Ingrid nodded, her voice soft but firm.

- It’s true. We’ve never thought about what we’re missing because you’re everything we need. You bring so much light into our lives.

Tears welled in your eyes, but you blinked them away, laughing softly.

- You two are too much. I don’t deserve you.

Mapi shook her head, a playful smirk on her lips.

- Nonsense. You deserve everything. And you’ve got us, so you must be doing something right.

Ingrid smiled, leaning in to press a soft kiss to your temple.

- We’re a team, remember? We’re in this together.

You let out a breath, the weight on your chest lifting slightly. With them by your side, things always seemed brighter, and you never felt alone. You didn’t need to be anyone else but yourself, they loved you for who you were.

As the three of you sat there, the cool breeze brushing against your skin, Mapi suddenly jumped to her feet with a mischievous grin.

- Alright, enough of this sappy stuff. How about a game?

You looked at her, confused.

- A game? What kind of game?

She pointed to a nearby soccer ball.

- We’re gonna play a little football.

Your eyes widened.

- I can’t play football, Mapi.

- Why not?

She challenged, already grabbing the ball.

- We’ll modify the rules. You will be a goalie so you can stay in your chair, and Ingrid and I will try to score. First one to five wins.

You couldn’t help but laugh at her stubbornness. You rolled your eyes playfully.

- You are impossible.

Mapi kicked the ball gently toward you.

- Come on, love, show us what you’ve got.

And so, the three of you played. It wasn’t about skill or competition. It was about fun, about laughter, about being together. You quickly realized that it didn’t matter that you were in a wheelchair. Mapi and Ingrid didn’t care about what you couldn’t do. They only cared about spending time with you, making memories, and showing you just how much they adored you.

As the sun set, and the last goal was scored (you might have let Ingrid win, just for the look of joy on her face), the three of you collapsed onto the grass, breathless from laughter and exertion. Mapi lay beside you, her arm slung across your lap, while Ingrid rested her head on your shoulder.

- See?

Mapi said between breaths.

- Told you you could play.

You smiled, looking down at her. As the night settled around you, you realized that in their love, there was no place for doubt. With them, you were whole. You were perfect. And most importantly, you were loved just as you were.

[comical-wheelchairs]

How I Work with Pre-K Kids as a Wheelchair User

I've given these tips to enough other wheelchair users that I figured I could make a post about it, and this blog is aligned enough with it that I figured I could post it here.

I've spent time as an administrator for a pre-K and school age programs, and I am also in my final year to be dual certified as a special education/general education elementary school teacher in America. I am also an ambulatory wheelchair user, but cannot safely move without a mobility aid, even when I am standing/walking. SO. Here's a guide/rundown of how I personally talk about disability with the kids I work with!

When First Meeting a Class

You do not need to explain/justify your wheelchair, and any adult who believes you do is probably doing it for their own curiosity and not an interest in the kids.

My personal recommendation is to say you are always happy to answer questions about yourself, and leave it open ended.

If the class had to be rearranged for your wheelchair and you feel comfortable saying so, I will sometimes say "I'm really grateful that you moved the furniture so I could get around. I can't wait to meet everyone!" It makes it clear why the need is there, and if a kid accidentally blocks you you can always ask them to move so you can get through and remind them.

When They Ask Questions

"Why do you use that?"

I respond by asking them what is 'that' - being careful to speak with a curious tone. For young kids, they might not know the word, and will probably point. From there you can say "oh! this is my wheelchair! have you heard that word before? i use it to get around since walking is [very hard/impossible/not something my body does]."

"Why don't you walk?"

I respond by telling them walking is something I can do for a little while, but it really hurts. Link it to a concrete example. "Have you ever gone into a super hot car, and you could do it for a little, but you wouldn't want to be in there all day?" "Have you ever tried to hold snow (or an ice cube) without gloves, and you could do it for a little but then it started to hurt your hands because it was so cold?" Make it personal, specific, and simple - developmentally they may still need support understanding that other people have different experiences (or might be totally unable to yet).

"How'd you get into that?"

I typically respond silly - "Well, I sat down!" If you want to, and you do not need to, you can make this into a (short, keep it short, their brains are so interested in everything and switch very quickly) lesson on transfers/how people get in/around with their wheelchairs.

"What happened?"

I respond by asking them what they mean. This typically leads to another question which I mentioned above. Alternatively I sometimes say "I realize a wheelchair helps me get around safely!"

"How do you use the bathroom?"

My strategy that's worked best is being calm and friendly while saying "I don't like talking about how I use the bathroom." If you can redirect after that (point out something for them to do, change the subject to something they'll find more interesting) it'll make it easier. If they ask why, you can say that everyone has stuff they don't like talking about and for you it's the bathroom.

Physical Interactions With Your Chair

They touch your chair

We had a big thing about this in my pre-K rooms - what we would do is if a kid tried to touch my chair (or did) I would tell them "It's so cool that you want to explore my wheelchair, but I want to make sure you're safe, because there's a lot of moving parts that can pinch you! Can I give you words for when you want to touch my wheelchair?" If no, then let them know you can't let people who can't be safe touch your wheelchair. If yes, give them a script to ask for permission - you will have to repeat it. A lot. Gentle repetition is your friend and within two months my kiddos were asking everyone permission to touch them at school. My script went "Teacher Pecan, can I touch your wheelchair?" "No, now it's a safe time, because [I am moving a lot/I am tired/I need a break/you have a task to do]. We can check in again [when it is a break time/when I feel better/when you finish your task." "Yes, it is safe to touch my wheelchair right now. Can you point to where you want to touch?"

They kick your chair

Every time a kid kicks/hurts your chair, say "ouch! that hurt! my wheelchair is part of my body, it helps me get around!" Repetition and speaking clearly are your friends. If a kid keeps kicking your chair, finding another thing for them to kick (for example, a ball) can help divert the kicking need into something safer for everyone :)

They (try to) sit in your lap

Gently use your hands to get them off or keep them off. Calmly say "Oops! My wheelchair isn't big enough for the two of us!" If they complain/protest, validate and then explain. My script is "I know it looks like a cool place to sit, but my wheelchair is just for me."

They (try to) push your wheelchair.

My last two chairs had no push handles, but my second one did! It can make sense to panic when I kiddo pushes you - I've had them try to push me into walls (by accident). Here's what I did that worked great: Immediately lock my breaks/grab my pushrims, and calmly say "oops! We don't push wheelchairs without permission!" If they stuck around/didn't immediately run away, I would ask them if they remember a time an adult picked them up and took them somewhere they didn't want to go (typically a car). If they say yes, and even if they say no, I explained that pushing my wheelchair feels just like that, and makes me scared. Most children never pushed it again, and everyone stopped after the second try.

Miscellaneous Tips

"Isn't that cool?" is your friend. Any time a kid is first learning about your wheelchair, end the sentence with it. Any time a kid is nervous about your wheelchair and you explain something, end the explanation with it. "It helps me get around, isn't that cool?" "These are called spokes. Aren't they cool?"

Wheelchairs can be grounding tools when you have a good handle on the class and boundaries! Only if you would like to. My spokes on my last chair were rainbow, and I would use my chair to physically get between them and the emotional trigger, and ask them questions about my spokes. "What colors are next to green?" "Can you point to which one is your favorite?" "Hmmm which color do I get if I mix red with blue?"

"Why doesn't [limb(s)] work?" My left foot is (mostly) paralyzed due to nerve damage, and my script is "My brain can't talk to my foot and tell it to move." You can say whatever you'd like, just try and keep it to basic body parts unless the kiddo is super into anatomy.

If they imply/say wheelchairs are bad, or you might be sad for being in one, you can correct them by telling them how cool your wheelchair is! Get them to compliment it too, if their attention span allows. "I don't feel sad about my wheelchair, I love it! I love the color! Do you? What color do you think I should get next?"

In conclusion - talking calmly, positively, and using repetition of the same words/scripts is a great way to not just exist in a classroom hassle free, but to get kids comfortable with disability/mobility aids at a young age. I have had kids get pinched by my chair (he grabbed my axle from behind), and luckily I had my higher ups on my side and they agreed that I made every effort to keep the kids safe (plus he learned his lesson lol, he always asked permission after that). Your mileage may vary based on admin and their attitudes, so play it by ear, and change any of my tips as needed. Feel free to send questions to this blog too. :)

[cripplecharacters]

So, I'm working on a story that focuses on an underground resistance group against an oppressive government/military. These revolutionaries are the heroes of the story, and two of them in particular (both disabled, one a cane user) are the main protagonists.

At one point, these two characters get caught and imprisoned by the government. They end up escaping on their own, and with some valuable information.

My question is, would it be okay to have the cane user's cane confiscated by the people imprisoning them for fear that he'll use it as a weapon? It's a fairly heavy wooden cane that reasonably could do damage, and these characters make it clear throughout their arrest that they can and will fight back; everything else they could use as a weapon is also confiscated, including everything from actual weapons to sharp pieces of jewelry. Would confiscating the cane be reasonable, or would that fall into harmful tropes?

Hi asker,

Even though it's a harmful fact to take a cane from someone who needs it, this wouldn't automatically be a harmful trope in and of itself. It's not a harmful trope for bad things and conflict that make sense within the story to happen, don't worry!

The fact is that when people are imprisoned, particularly by oppressive governments, the focus isn't really on what is good for them. The focus is on apprehending them and removing anything they see as 'dangerous' to the apprehending party, whether it's actually dangerous or not, to your point about sharp jewelry.

It's actually a pretty big problem in prisons in the US (and most likely other places too, but I'm less familiar with those) that disabled people don't get to use their disability aids, like crutches or canes, because they're automatically seen as dangerous. So the confiscation is reasonable within the context of what is happening to the characters, even though your character needs their cane.

Hope this helps,

mod sparrow

Hey!

I would say that it's fine on the basis that it makes sense. Bad guys are being bad and do something bad to your characters and your disabled character isn't magically exempt - that's good. Would be weird if the Oppressive Militia was woke and supportive of disabled people.

What you should focus on in my opinion is that essentially, your character's third leg got taken from them. This can be deeply stressful, potentially traumatic, definitely infuriating. For example; does your character get stressed out about the idea of leaving his cane where he can't see them? Or more averse to people touching his mobility aid?

Basically, I'd focus on making it clear that taking the character's cane is a much bigger violation than getting a sharp necklace taken off your neck. Try to think how this fact will affect your character and how he thinks of his cane; maybe even how it will affect his future plans of resistance so that he doesn't suddenly find himself unable to walk.

I hope this helps,

mod Sasza

[nebuulaae]

People liked my previous post !! Yahoo!!!

:D

Here’s a part 2 of Guardian headcanons I’ve conjured up:

- As time passes, Ghost names have become more obscure and strange. It started out with cuter names like “Sparky” or “Lucy”, or even just simply “Ghost”. Now, it’s common to see names like “Windshield”, “Lord Foog”, or “Media”.

(Side note for the point above: I took inspo from pet finder names lmfaoo)

- Some Guardians have physical disabilities that have carried over from their past lives (blindness, deafness, missing limbs, unable to walk after a certain period, etc). Their Ghosts try their best to make life easy for them, but most of these Guardians are able to use their Light as an aid; imagine a Titan with a badass Stasis fist, or a Warlock with glasses and hearing aids made from Void light that further enhance their hearing and vision.

- There’s a group of Hunters who build treehouses for kids in the City, since they’re able to climb into trees and such.

- Rock and metal is the most popular genre of music among Guardians

- This is already kind of implied based on concept art and lore, but Guardians owning exotic pets and making meme accounts with them

- Assuming 2014 is the year that the Traveler was found, that means Hatsune Miku technically exists in the Destiny universe up until that point. Meaning that Crucible compilations with Vocaloid music also technically exist.

- Awoken Guardians tend to hobbies such as divination, creating crystal grids, and astrology, or find themselves believing in spiritual phenomena to a degree; Returning to their roots in a way.

- Guardians unironically calling their respective Vanguards mom and dad. Imagine Crow’s surprise when he heard one of his hunters calling him dad for the first time after being inducted as Hunter Vanguard.

[thelordfool]

HELP ME PLEASE!!!!!

Long story short: I'm unemployed and will not, unlike what I originally thought, qualify for unemployment benefits.

Please read the readmore for additional context on why I'm unemployed. This post is basically a continuation/update/redo of this post. I'm suffering a sickness with no medicine the past week, applied for almost 100 jobs the last two weeks, am disabled/queer/nonbinary/tired of ebegging. I'm also in the negatives in my bank account because my car payment came out, so I need to get that covered.

pp/vm/ca

$250/$1151.51

i need at least $511.51 of this by the first. please spread if you're financially unable to help, every person this reaches helps! here's the breakdown of the costs: $640 - car payment + late fees $380 - rent $131.51 - negative amount in bank currently

Oh hey thanks for stopping by to read this annoying tale of woe and being angry at capitalism. Prepare for wall of text.

I once had two jobs. The first job, at a chain restaurant, was a bit of a clique-y experience where I was working my damndest to be the best bartender they ever had. I still have all the cocktails memorized. However, I continually faced discrimination in the form of severe misgendering, no matter how often I corrected them. I was also set up for failure. Usually, when someone gets hired for a position, there's some amount of training to be done, no matter how experienced they are, right? I was going in nearly entirely inexperienced into the role. I knew how to make cocktails, sure, and was and still am very good with people and selling. But I was trained for two days. Two. Then, on my first night alone (a Friday), I was watched by one of the bigwigs at corporate who saw every little flub and failure. This caused a demotion-ish. I was demoted to barback but was allowed the same privileges. Until their next visit. That upset the hell out of me - I was well trained by that point and could do it all, with one hand tied behind my back. I digress. It was about 2 months following my demotion when i finally walked out. A new bartender had been hired and she thought I was being a total creep by looking at a ticket that had just come in. She stormed off to report me to the manager who, even after hearing my side where I had asked her if there was anything on the ticket that I could grab, said that I "needed to communicate better," and "you should be learning from her," and "you're a grown man, you should know better." I don't think I need to explain why that was so upsetting.

But I didn't report them, because I just wanted to be done with it. I was also working another bartending job, and everythign was literally perfect other than the hours, honestly. I loved the product the distillery made, I loved the people I worked with, and most of all: I had my own regulars. Last month, they hired a new hospitality director, who announced there would be some restructuring, including getting rid of servers while also making a full dinner menu to serve alongside drinks. I said nothing of it, despite my disagreements, and she assured us all that no one would lose their jobs, but just moved into different roles. We all kinda grumbled about it, and I told her that under no circumstances would I work back of house. Easy peasy. Till it wasn't, and I came home to a voicemail while on break with my partner that I'd been let go due to the restructuring. So much for no one losing their jobs, right? I hadn't been the only victim of this. I have my suspicions as to why the new hospitality director did these things, but I've no energy to throw around conspiracies. All I know is that I was shafted by both of these places and I'm tired of being broke. I'm applying, still going to fight, and... sigh.

tl;dr (why did you click the readmore?): i left a job due to discrimination and lost another due to company restructuring and i'm tired and sad and aaaaa.

[transfem-eleanor-vance]

i saw this post on twitter and it got me thinking about the contradictory ways rtd2 has handled the concept of nostalgia.

on the one hand, 'wish world' presents a compelling critique of reactionary nostalgia for an imagined past. we are presented with the conservative ideal of family life. the doctor and belinda are married and almost sickeningly in love. they have a child and wake up every morning to conrad reading them a story, rather like a televised version of 'listen with mother' which was also the inspiration for 'the idiot's lantern'. they live in a row of identical suburban houses and the doctor goes to work in a pinstripe suit and bowler (the stereotypical uniform of a 20th century british businessman). meanwhile, the streets of london are prowled by walking dinosaur bones (literal fossils from a bygone age).

yet this vision of reality is shown to be fundamentally fake and superficial. as the rani said, 'its full of mistakes and it cannot sustain itself'. belinda can't remember the birth of her supposed daughter. the doctor can't suppress his attraction to ibrahim and rogue. disabled people still exist at the fringes of society unable to be seen by conrad. this kind of society cannot exist and never has. contradictions fray away at the edges (and are indeed the very point both figuratively and narratively). now this portrayal isn't without flaws. for a fascist's wet dream conrad's wish world is weirdly unracialised. they could have done a lot better by having the doctor and belinda live in a segregated neighbourhood and the doctor being clearly subordinate at work to his white colleagues even if the plot demanded he be part of the simulation. nevertheless, 'wish world' is still an attempt to criticise the concept of nostalgia.

this in almost total contrast with the way the rtd2 era has treated nostalgia for the show itself, where there has been almost rampatant indulgence. in the anniversary specials, not only was david tennant brought back as a mainline doctor, but the entire concept of regeneration (central to the show's mythology and textual worldview) was altered to allow him to live a happy life with the noble family. contrast this with the way 11's attempt at finding a similar family life with the ponds was ultimately doomed. old villains feel like they're brought back just for the hell of it with no regard to their characterisation. both sutekh and omega seemingly exist for nothing but nostalgia for fans who remember characters that rarely appeared in classic who and got more development in the eu. omega also detracts from the rani's role as the main antagonist. contrastingly, the master's return in series 3 was justified because he is a fairly well known classic villain and because of the complexity of his relationship with the doctor, which the show immediately develops further on. neither sutekh nor omega nor the rani could be said to possess any of these things. indeed, rtd has seemingly had to invent a past for the rani as the doctor's former lover (which, bleugh thoschei forever) in order to give her some kind of depth (though she could be lying to increase the doctor's doubt which would actually be in character).

it seems that doctor who has become the kind of show obsessed with its own lore. we saw this in the chibnall era with the timeless child. and now in rtd2 we have promises of revamping gallifreyan lore (note one of conrad's books is titled doctor who and the timeless children). i don't think any of this is healthy. fannish nostalgia like this is poison to the quality and artistry of any kind of narrative media and should be destroyed.

[killuakiru]

hi hi!! I wanted to request headcannons of the main 4 with a wheelchair bound reader!! something simple like ranking them based on how well the push the reader around! please don't feel pressured to write this as I know it may be uncomfortable to write about these types of things💕 hope you're doing fine and make sure to rest well!!

HELLO !! I absolutely can ! <3 Thank u for the request !! I didn't know if you wanted individual head canons or not, but I hope this is alr too !! If this is potentially offensive plz plzz don't hesitate to tell me D: ( I apologize if this is short too, I'll make it up to yall next time SWEARRR )

⊹₊⋆ Thank You For Your Help!ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

⊹₊⋆ Gn!Disabled!Reader x K.Zoldyck, G.Freecss, L.Paradinight, K.Kurtaᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

╰┈➤ Ranking system & what they do to support you!

༉‧₊˚. Start !༉‧₊˚.

• The most you can rely on? It's EASILY Leorio.

• He's literally a medic student ??? He's trained to do that ?!?!?! He's ranked at the top of the list, no doubt.

• You can always ask Leorio for help if you want to be pushed around if you don't want to use your arms, it can be tiring sometimes, after all.

• He always asks if the pace he's going is appropriate and if it's not too fast or too slow for you whenever he has the chance to push you to your desired location.

• Fret not, he's always patient when it comes to know. He's the most understanding about your condition, and will do anything in his power to support you if its within his power.

• In some cases where you need help for reaching, boom he's there ASAP. With his height? Mans more than happy to grab it for you.

• Your overall experience will be a 10/10 I promise you. He will be the absolute best !

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

• Next in the rank is none other than our beloved Kurapika Kurta!

• While he isn't experienced and an expert in this field unlike Leorio, he's definitely on the gentle side and much more experienced rather than Gon and Killua.

• He's busy in many cases, so it's hard to rely on him all the time D: But he makes it up by giving you extra help the next time he can !

• Honestly he would be placed at 3rd for his unavailability, but his responsibility is what places him at 2nd. He's aware of your limits, and he's very gentle with his actions.

• Your overall experience ? A solid 9. Again, since he's constantly unavailable, it's hard to ask for help. But since he knows what he's doing, he gets plus points from you!

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

• And third on our list is... Gon!

• Yes, surprisingly it's Gon. Why? Because he definitely knows how to help people with disabilities.

• He grew up taking care of his grandma, and being responsible for things around the house. This guy? Having 0 knowledge for the disabled? Paint me shocked.

• The reason why he's on the 3rd is, well; because he's a child and he doesn't have much experience unlike Leorio and Kurapika.

• There's also in many cases where he subconsciously goes too fast for your liking, and you're unable to say it because you can't find the right timing.

• Don't worry! He soon acknowledges this and sincerely apologizes and then continues to push you at a comfortable speed.

• He's very patient with you! He knows how hard it is to be unable to walk and he sympathizes with you a bunch, so you can always count on him to be present when you need something.

• Overall experience would be an 8/10! 8 Because he can sometimes slip up and be too fast for your liking as stated before, and because he can be a bit bouncy when he walks, making your wheelchair bounce a bit too.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

• Last on our list is none other than Killua.

• 'm aware 'm supposed to be a Killua fp but we can collectively agree that Killua probably doesn't have the patience for this..

• He's a good guy, but he constantly has to jump, run, and jog around. That's just how he is ! Springy as hell.

• When he does push you around though, it's kind of a bumpy ride for you, literally. He's constantly shaking his leg if he has to stand still, making your wheel chair subtly shake too, when he pushes you he sometimes pushes it like a shopping cart..

• He's trying better tho I promise, js give him some time because he has never EVER tried to do this until you.

• He won't hesitate to help you in other aspects, so that's an addition!

• Your overall experience would be a 6/10. + 1 for being considerate ( He loves u tho dw )

༉‧₊˚. End !༉‧₊˚.

Thank you for reading ! This strictly belongs to me / killuakiru and I do not give permission for you to repost on other platforms, thank you !

[wildestdreamsblog]

Latibule V

Pairing: Min Yoongi x Reader (Mafia/Detective AU)

Summary: In which you didn’t know who he truly was- until it was too late. Or in which he found heaven in you.

Warnings: Secret Identity, Yandere behavior, Obsessiveness, Possessiveness, Manipulative behavior, Violence, Mention of death, Disability, Sexual themes, If you’re not 18+ please, PLEASE, do not interact. Be mindful of the warnings. Let me know if I miss anything.

A/N: tysm for all your support! Our Agustd is now…showing.

Masterlist, Latibule IV

“What the fuck is that?”

You turned around to glare at the man with a confused look. Suga was looking down, observing what he called ‘that’ with his brows furrowed and his eyes squinted. He could not have looked any more disgusted and confused than he did at the very moment.

You briskly walked to him, flashing him a tight smile before pulling his arm so he could follow you, however reluctantly. You stopped dragging him when the two of you reached the kitchen. You looked up at him while he was busy looking down at your hand that was trying so hard to encircle his thick wrist with a look of a somewhat confusion. Suga couldn’t, for the life of him, answer why he felt something he didn’t want to name. And now, you were too aware of the feel of his skin, of how thick his wrist was, and of how the heat emitting from his skin felt good. You were much too aware of him.

And upon realization, you dropped his wrist carelessly as though it burned you. “That-“ you pointed your finger to the living room while glaring daggers at him. “-is a child.”

He frowned, his dark locks falling on his face as he look down at you. “Fine. Why the fuck is a child here, angel?”

You sighed in exasperation, explaining to him as patiently as you could that his father asked you to look out for his child because he had to travel for work, to which he rolled his eyes dramatically.

See, this was why you thought he was similar to a cat. He hated people, he hated morning, and he hated being hungry.

Was it morning? Check.

Was there another person in your house today? Check.

Had he not eaten yet? Check.

“That’s free childcare, angel! You should charge for it!”

“He’s my friend!”

“And?”

“And this is a favor! Have you not heard of that? Are you not familiar with the concept?”

Oh, he knew favor. He knew a lot of people owed him one and he was going to collect all of them soon.

“Do you hate children? Is that it?” You asked again when he failed to answer you, stepping closer to him to annoy him further. You didn’t know why you found it so entertaining to see him lost his cool, or how his face scrunched up when he was annoyed. But he stood his ground. He looked down at you, his lips tilted to the side as he focused his dark eyes on you.

“No. I hate people in general.” But he didn’t hate you. He wasn’t put off by your existence. He wasn’t happy when you were away for too long. But these were the things he would never admit to himself.

Nope.

“Well, he’s staying here until tomorrow. Be kind! Or else!”

He had the audacity to look affronted as though he wouldn’t do the exact opposite of what you asked of him. Right now would be the prime example.

“Who are you?” Suga asked him once the two of you returned to the living room where the child was happily watching cartoons. He was looking at the child as though be was dangerous when

“I’m Jackson,” he answered back, his little arms folded on his front as he looked up at the man questioning him with an equally defiant glare. “Who are you?”

Suga turned to you, his eyes in disbelief at what he heard. “He named his child his name?”

You blinked twice, unable to even defend your friend. But you didn’t have to. His child got his sassiness, after all.

“Your name please, ahjussi,” he repeated as he tapped his foot on the ground in obvious irritation at the older man. This was the first time he saw Suga and he automatically hated him. You were his favorite aunt, albeit you were the only aunt he had. But still! He thought you were too beautiful for the man you called your fiancé. He thought he didn’t deserve you.

“Ajhussi?” He repeated in disbelief as he squinted his eyes at the child. “I’m…Suga.”

“What kind of name is that?”

“Yah! What kind of name is Jackson?! Can’t your father think of another name? Is he that-“

You could feel a headache coming as you listened to them bicker. “Guys-“

“My friends said I have a nice name!”

“Yeah? Well, they’re lying to you!”

“At least I have friends! You look like you have enemies!”

Well, he wasn’t wrong though, Suga thought as he paused. He’d give this round to the kid. But he would return with a vengeance.

“Noona,” the young Jackson turned to look at you with his puppy eyes and an adorable pout on his lips that you couldn’t help but cooed at him and opened your arms so he could hug you.

He wrapped his little arms around your middle before whining at you. “Are you sure that man is who you want to be with? There are better guys out there, noona,” he said as he turned his head to glare at the other man.

“Yah!”

To which, he just stuck his tongue out.

“Angel, why is he still here? Can’t his mother take care of him?! Or did his mother also find him insufferable?”

“Suga!” You reprimanded him as you felt the child’s small body shook with impending tears. You glared at the man before hugging the now wailing child. For heaven’s sake, did he really have to fight with a child?! “Are you a child?! You should know better!”

“What?! He started it!”

“His mother…passed away,” you whispered the last part, feeling sorry for the child who never knew his mother. You thought that this was why he was somehow too attached with you. You were the only female figure in his life because his father refused to date anyone. He had said one night when you asked him why he never dated despite it being years already and he only said that he found the one. That his wife was it, that anyone would only fail in comparison to her.

You thought it was sad to have found your soulmate, only for her to be taken from your grasp forever, to be only left with memories that would fade in time, to be the only one whose love had no where else to go.

Suga’s eyes widened in realization, his gaze on you as what you said sunk in. He always knew he was an asshole, an abomination of a greedy man. He knew he was all that was wrong in mankind, but God, seeing that child cried his heart out displaced him. It felt…wrong. Was he developing a fucking conscience? Was this safe place making him soft?

Were you making him a better man?

He turned his dark eyes on the weeping child before he stood up. He clapped the child’s shoulder, “If you stop crying, I’ll buy you an ice cream.”

You watched the two in front of you devoured their ice cream like it was the end of the world. After fighting like vicious animals, they were sitting in front of you quietly as though they never said hurtful things to one another. You didn’t know that Suga even know this place. You thought that he must probably roamed around the town while you were at work and must have familiarized himself with the town. When he said that he knew a place, this was the last place you thought. This was the most colorful place in the whole town and it was also the loudest with pop songs playing on the speaker and children running all over the place. He was too in contrast with the aesthetic of the place with his all-black clothes and the emotionless face he was showing to the world.

You looked up to watch them again when you caught him already looking intently at you- or more specifically, your ice cream. “What?”

You ordered what you considered the normal flavor, chocolate and cookies and cream which were your favorite, while they ordered fruit-flavored ice cream. Suga thought it was peculiar that you didn’t eat fruits and you said he was weirder for fighting with a kid, to which he had no comeback for.

“I want your ice cream,” he announced as though it was his birth right to receive everything he ever desired.

“Suga- we talked about this.”

“About what?” He asked absentmindedly as he reached his spoon to your side when you slapped his hand away.

“What’s the magic word?”

He glared at you, his jaw clenched uncaring if he was bringing the vibe of the place down, or that he looked like an angry kitten.

“It’s ‘please’, ahjussi,” Jackson quipped up, looking up at the man sitting beside him with doe eyes. “Did you not know that?”

“Yes, Suga, did you not know that?” You asked him with faux confusion, batting your eyelashes at him annoyingly.

“May I please have your ice cream?”

“Of course, honey.”

You couldn’t help but smiled triumphantly at him before scooping your ice cream and lifting it to him. He glared at you before holding your hand closer to his lips before opening his mouth devouring the ice cream, all while holding eye contact with you.

And fuck it if you weren’t entranced with the way his lips seemed so pink…or the way his dark eyes seemed to hold so much hunger that you felt your cheeks heated up. You tried to pull your hand away from him but he didn’t let go.

“Delicious, angel,” he said lowly before flashing you a smirk and placing your hand down gently on the table. “I’ll go pay the bill.”

You blinked owlishly, shaking the haze from your mind. “What? You don’t have money. Let me pay-“

He regarded you with bored eyes before lifting his eyebrow, “You told me to get a job, right?”

You were still reeling from the added information as he already walked to the counter. He got a job? When? Also, who would hire someone as socially inadequate as he was?

Jackson grinned widely as he spotted his best friend from across the diner. The other child was waving at him excitedly. He turned to you, jumping from his seat with an elated expression on his face. “Noona! May I say hi to my friend?”

“Of course, honey. Just be careful and don’t run.”

You watched him walked to the other side and you only lost sight of him for a moment when you watched Suga smiled with the old lady working in the diner. He looked like he was familiar with her. Your brows furrowed. How would he, an anti-social, always irritated, mannerless man, know her? Unless…did he work here?

Your thoughts were cut off when you heard an aggressive shouting from behind you.

“Watch where you’re going, little boy!” The man hissed down at Jackson who accidentally bumped into him. He looked like he was about to cry as the man continually berated him that you snapped up to your seat and walked to them. You placed your hands around the little boy’s shoulders, hugging him closer to you as shield from the screaming man.

“Excuse me, is there a problem here?”

He turned his sinister eyes on you, “Are you her mother? You let your son run around like that? What kind of mother are you?!”

“He was not running. I know because I saw. And what about you?! You’re a grown man who shouted at a child over a harmless mistake!”

He sneered at you, his beady eyes roaming on your form. He chuckled tonelessly, before walking closer to you. “You’ve got a lot of nerve,” he whispered before pushing your shoulder hard with his index finger, making you step back from the force. “Do you know who I am?”

“Should I care?”

“I can ruin you and your family-“

He was about to hit you again when a someone caught his finger in his fist. Suga stepped in, his eyes devoid of any emotion, his jaw clenched as he walked closer to the man.

“I’d think twice about doing that,” he ordered coldly, stepping closer to him that the two of you were now hidden behind his back.

And it was as though he noticed a predator more dangerous than him because he did nothing but gulped as he struggled to look into Suga’s eyes. Suga whispered something inaudible to the man before smirking at him and dropping his hold on him. You felt him wrapped his arm around you as he guided you out of the diner and out of reach of the customers’ curious eyes.

The silence was overbearing, so unalike the one you were used to with him, the one where you could break it with your sassiness and teasing ways to him. No. This time, he looked like a different person. He still hadn’t released his hold on you and you could feel the tension emitting from his hand. You were almost to the park, the one you’d promised the little boy you could go to after the diner, when he paused his tracks.

You turned to look at him- only to find him already staring at you with a swirling darkness in his eyes. He let go of you, his hand that had just touched you was clenching.

“You go ahead, angel. I left my wallet in there,” he stated after a moment, his hands now in his pockets before turning around and walking back.

—-

“I told you I’d be back.”

The man’s eyes widened when he noticed Suga casually leaning against the wall of the narrow and quiet walkway. Had he not said a word, he would have walked passed the man who emitted an insane and menacing vibe. His dark hair was falling on his face, his scarred eye leering up at him as though he was elated to finally find a prey in this quiet and sleepy town.

“I-I don’t want any trouble, man-“

“Tsk tsk,” he pushed himself off of the wall before sauntering to the man. He looked relax as though nothing could phased him…as though he wasn’t about to do a crime. “It’s too late for that…man.”

The man whimpered as he was slammed to the wall, his body falling weakly to the ground. He couldn’t hold his own weight, no, not against Suga. His huge body was likened to a rag doll as the man he thought was the devil incarnate landed blow after blow on his body. And he did so without any emotions in his eyes.

“You listen here and you listen good, asshole,” Suga said in a toneless voice, his eyes holding a barely constrained anger. He stepped closer, uncaring that he was crushing the fingers of the man that dared touched her..or that the sound of bones crunching made the man whimpered louder. He crouched down, his hand hanging on his knees nonchalantly. “You fucked up,” he whispered as he took in the disheveled state of the crying man. Softly, he touched the other man’s fingers. He smirked when he heard him cried louder.

“You didn’t only scare the child, but you touched a woman. My woman,” he stated as though he was merely discussing the weather.

“W-what? W-who are you? Are you her husband?” He asked as tears fell down from his eyes.

“Yes.”

Latibule VI